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clandestine-j · 3 years ago

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Gossip Girl, EP. 4 Reaction & Review

Finally, I've gathered all of my thoughts for ep. 4! I had this really cool extra post to the intro and had more thoughts but then I lost the entire thing so I had to re-write the entire post SO, yeah, this is all I have for this part. Also, if anyone has those bts photos please let me know, i’m looking for the ones that have the audience reacting to max’s dick pick from the fashion show, aki biting his lip. please send.

ADULTS:

Kate & CO: JAIL JAIL JAIL. We had that one teacher being turned on by incest and ruining kids lives. DO BETTER IN JAIL. I'll say tho, the male teacher makes a better gossip girl, he doesn't feel bad and is enjoying it. Kate could never.

Rafa: JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU. I hate that they showed us this man having common sense. This man, pushing Max away sexually but understanding that he needs serious help. I hate that they just didn't have them flirting and show us him saying no, I'm so upset. I'm even more upset that I fell for him being the character to subvert the trope. I can only blame myself but blame HBO as well. I also hate the comments saying it's okay or well, the show needs scandal and spice. They could've been photographed together in normal clothes, just standing next to each other. Max could lie to GG. There are a bunch of ways these could become an IC scandal without having them cross the line. If you support this, you need help.

OUR KIDS:

Max: My boy needs therapy, lots of it. Maybe rehab. On one hand, he's being taken advantage of because he's clearly going through something and more than just his dads and he has been for a while. His escapism is dangerous and anyone would be able to prey on that. On the other hand, I need someone to beat his ass. His lines to Rafa about money and career were punch worthy and out-right willing to lie about Rafa doing something to him, even just to press Rafa's buttons. He needs help, he needs to be taught boundaries, he needs a lot. And why were the only two people concerned for his week-long disappearance Aki and Audrey, the whole squad should've had the guns out, friends since childhood, sure.

Obie: My boy, I get that you didn't like where you saw Zoya headed. I get that in some aspects you were right about her being a little too involved and suspecting Julien. That being said, she was having real problems and troubles and needed support. Do better. Obie still isn't the worst character on the show and many of them are SOOOO much worse. He doesn't deserve the all of the smoke he's been getting when their are better people for it.

Monet & Luna: I hate them as people and love them as characters that move the plot. I guess I could see how they thought the fuck school thing was horrible (and Julien too since she planned on showing Obie). The directors cut, I don't think they thought it'd ruin Zoya, they're just fucking cruel and found it funny. Let's box. Also, why are ya'll so pressed over this CHILD. Like get over it, find a real up-coming social media star.

Aki & Audrey: My good sis, you brought a gay man to make Aki jealous. I'm sick, it was fucking funny. Her comments at first were off the wall, I wish the writers would've done something else but a lot of woman don't see it as normal so I sort of get it. I'm glad she came around by the end. And Aki...he was a little spicy this episode, my boy was ready to pop off a bit AND I AM HERE FOR IT. My dude said, 'I don't regret kissing him' I was THROWN. Aki being with Audrey helps me like her more because she's a bitch that's still ready to gun for a now 15 year old girl but her and Aki's relationship is cute. They could break up and be fine which is great, I love that their relationship is really more than just dating and the friendship is strong. I'm here for it.

Zoya: It's just bad writing but my head canon is trauma. Trauma from her moms death death, trauma from the past and current bullying that caused her lash out. I felt like this was her breaking point (so far) and anything gossip girl related as always came around to Julien. If she trusted Julien more, she wouldn't have thought of her as the person causing her issue's but she doesn't trust her. They were civil but even at the end of ep 2. Her 'hell yeah' to Julien about bonding was too dry, too dry. I think a big part of her just doesn't trust Julien and she'll always think the worse because she's seen mostly the worse. And that video, horrible, I'd hate everything about my birthday too after that and even before. Her emotions during the scene and the talk with Julien, ouch. And while I'm happy that Zoya found herself in the end, YES GIRL POP OFF. THIS IS WHAT I WANTED. THIS IS THE FLAVOR. I WAS WAITING FOR THIS AND I WANT MORE. I DEMAND MORE. I SEE A SPARK OF A BITCH, LET HER OUT GO, GO ALISON DELAOTRUINES ON THESE BITCHES.

Julien: Once again, I love Julien as a character, I know she's supposed to be struggling and for that, It's fun to watch her BUT. Julien could never be on my team, she's too wishy-washy. That is my issue, she's too, just...flip-floppy with no substance. Like, when she does things wrong, they're expected to be forgiven / are forgiven without true reflection or anything on her part. She fucks up, she see's its wrong and then she says sorry and goes on it does it again. This episode was just the worst example, like, the moment she heard buffalo, she was ready to send in a tip. Instead of just doing the party normally and being best because she's hear, she sends the video to Monet. She believes Luna and Monet (Monet talking about her throne being taken when Zoya isn't even an influencer) and she eats it up. They were the ones who did the dick pick thing, like girl, THINK. And why does she never get the full plan, why would she not watch the video or why is she so shocked that Luna and Monet would play something like that? She knows them. Friends since childhood? Sure. Using your moms name to make the party about charity? SIS, THE FEUD IS NOT WORTH IT. She says she wants to be sisters but then she switches up so fast and the witches up again, it's whip-last and I'm sick. I hate that she's doing this to her and I hate even more that's is the writers fault. I don't mind a character having personal conflict but make it a conflict. Like after four episodes, why is she still friends with her sisters bullies? At the end of the episode, she says she's gonna tell them to lay down their weapons, NO, shut it down. correct them. make it clear and make it known. I love my girl because she's flawed but I wish they'd linger on things and have her really think about it. I was fine with the i'm sorry speech up until the camera part.

Other random thoughts

fuck the rafa max thing again, i'm not over, i will never be over it

evan mock isn't the best but he does give me face at times, his 'wtf stare', little sly looks, the 'wtf' moment when audrey first asked him if he was gay like 'this bitch' also, give him more annoyed, irritated scenes, he gives in those

have julien go full nice or full evil for a while, pick a side and stick with it for more than one episode

i wish zoya was a bitch at her old school but i'm fine with this too, it explains why she was so reactionary when it came to the bullying at constance, not again!

i wish we could've seen julien talk with davis after that stunt

nick and davis, KISS, the ride scene was 100%

don't talk about obie so soon

i like that she chose to be with julien for the night, it was cute

emily makes these faces that i can't get with

eli brown is a good actor, that shot of him during the traumatic reveal

i will say, zobie might be boring but when they talk, they talk, their communication is p good, i don't hate it

i’d be here for obie x aki bc they’re friends, they got chemistry, aki was giving look lil up and downs this episode, aki was giving a lot of looks this ep, honestly, idk i just don’t want him heart broken

aki menzies is still my comfort character

i couldn't take rafa serious with his ass out,

whitney's acting in that talk scene, perfect, my girl had me in tears because DAMN

jordan is pretty good but in that scene, go girl, give me nothing

fuck max and rafa

max lied about his dads or at least one, AT LEAST one, i don't think they'd do that, he saw his in and took it

aki and aud, just have that open relationship, ya'll will make it, the way he tucked into her, it was so sweet

davi and nick secret relationship plot

jail for all of the teachers, once again

the hallway scene was great, the cinematography is been clutch overall

music wasn't as jarring

that's about it! i have more thoughts on the show overall that might be another post, they have a lot of amazing ideas but they need to stick with one and flush it out is the overall gist, i'm still into it!

can't wait for five bc i love the angst that's about to hit.

#c;gg #gossip girl reboot #gossip girl hbo

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acloudkat · 3 years ago

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Gossip Girl 2.0

So. . . I was unsure of whether I was going to talk about this or not but… in the end, here we are!

I shall be talking about the Gossip Girl Reboot.

Now quick disclaimer and mild *excuse you* to HBO, please find ways to make your content accessible to Europe because there are those of us that are interested and unfortunately your "Max" service is US only and honestly i see no reasonable logic behind it. Therefore my means of getting access to this content shall not be discussed.

Extra disclaimer, there will be spoilers. Doi.

Now I am a big die hard fan of the original GG series and despite the outdated (to today’s standards) comparisons and slang, some of the topics hold up even today. For anyone curious or questioning my opinion, based on my generation, I am mildly in the middle as a Zelenial at 23. I did not grow up with GG, I learned about it when I was 14 but watched it for the first time when I was 19. Since, I have watched it up to 14-17 times; more than 10 for sure. So you can do with that as you please. The main reason I mention this is due to some articles and comments pointing out that maybe it’s a “Gen Z only media” or that “Millennials are just bitter cause it’s not theirs”. Keeping that in mind I will be as per usual showing the ups and downs of the show (so far and later on) from my own personal perspective.

After watching ep 1. (& now 2 which will be in a separate post after this) I have a few questions, comments AND concerns. So let’s get into those shall we :)

So let's do a little round up of our characters.

We have newcomer Zoya Lott that is moving to NYC on a Constance scholarship! But little did anyone in the show know, it was all a plot to get to be with her *half sister*. WHAT?! So the tldl on that is that Zoya and our other main character, Julien Calloway, share a mom! Mom, that i quote "left Julien's dad for Zoya's dad and the dads hate each other" because of which hate, they had absolutely forbidden their daughters from communicating. One thing led to another, a friend request was sent and this is basically the parent trap. . . . but for the kids. . .and they're aware of it cause they made it. . . I suppose? The parents haven't really been mentioned to matter in their plan, however, they do keep bringing up their middle names as "Zoya Jane and Julien Elizabeth" as clues left by their mother? Now some rumours around the web have connected the names to the Pride and Prejudice novels and while that would be extremely Gossip Girl-esque to do, and I am entirely up for that, hell yea!!! I'm wondering if it's as simple as... their mother's name was Elizabeth Jane... but maybe GG will be the one to discover that secret first? Other than that, Zoya is very much a very trusting "innocent type" character that probably has more past than we know about so it will be quite interesting to see how that elaborates going further into the series.

Then there is self-made influencer Julien Calloway. She is the new version of queen at Constance but as stated, they "don't do the patriarchy anymore". While she appears all smiles and kindness, personally i feel as if JC is kind of fake? She has things she cares about yes, but the moment someone or something interferes with her followers and her social standing or Obie (more on him later)

"the gloves come off and the claws come out" - Serena Van der Woodsen

When it comes to Julien I am honestly more curious to see who she is once you take away the followers and the media. Will she be an actual person or just a shallow obsessed spoiled brat? I just hope it won't be the typical story of "have to be perfect and have to have everyone like me because my mom left" ie. has mommy issues. That is how that cliche goes after all. So I am greatly hoping that's not going to be it for this one.

Obie Bergmann! We get introduced to Obie as Julien's boyfriend. Throughout ep 1, the things we learn about Obie are that he is basically the richest in the group, and lives in Dumbo. (irony from original GG for anyone that can guess it). He appears like a super nice and kind dude, a supportive boyfriend, kind of bland and tired of the relationship but the main thing that bothers me about him so far is his impossible to ignore "white guilt syndrome". For anyone unaware, "white guilt" is "remorse or shame felt by a white person with respect to racial inequality and injustice". While it's not a bad thing trying to make up for the in-equality in the world, here's hoping that's not his entire character cus that would get old quick.

Then we have the bestie, Audrey Hope. Audrey. . . is cold but to the point. Very analysing and observing. Definitely the type of character that would take all the info first and decide what to do after. I both like and am confused by her? Her cold mannerisms are quite enjoyable among the masses of drama and emotion I won't lie. However, i do predict a juicy threesome between her, boyfriend Aki and one Max Wolfe. Honestly, I am highly interested in how their relationship evolves.

Aki Menzies is kind of a mystery as of the moment. As to be expected with just 1 episode, we won't know too much about all the characters. He is the very supportive boyfriend that tries to keep the peace between everyone.

Max Wolfe on the other hand appears like the much more flamboyant version of Chuck Bass, if Chuck Bass had a supportive family environment and no limits on who he's dating. That's more or less for him but kuddos for his 0 hesitation to basically have a pic of his dick sent to everyone. I will never not find that hilarious. But again, between these three is my prediction for some juicy interactions. Cause to be fully honest, the chemistry is undeniable.

Monet de Haan. Ah. She is honestly the savage that we need around here. She is the control and the power behind Julien's brand honestly. I am curious how come she helps Julien with her brand rather than have her own? If we go off anything said in the episode, she is more feared than adored so maybe that's why? But Monet honey, fear can also have a following, just . . a different one.

And then there's Luna La, "The stylist" while we don't know much about her, some of her one liners are actively giving me life. Her and Monet are definitely a package deal and i wonder if there is juicier gossip there that we don't know yet.

Lastly, we have our new Gossip Girl. Young teacher, Kate Keller. I won't lie, i did not see us knowing who GG is from the get go. I am however wondering whether this will drag her down to the level of highschoolers (besides the fact that she looks younger than some of them xD) Something that is bothering me in the reboot however, is that technically, characters that represent adults, spying on minors??? Like they even make the point that "i shouldn't have these, i should be in jail" in regards to having almost naked pictures of the kids. Like it's not really okay??? In the original yea no one knew who GG was but they always knew it was someone their age. The teachers didn't care at those times. But they do now and I am not fully sure how okay it is.

And of course, the extras like some of the other teachers behind GG and the parents. We however, don't know too much about them as of now so we shall see soon. If any new characters are introduced they will be addressed but for now, onto the episode!

The half sisters plot is definitely interesting so I would love to know where the whole middle names thing will go. The story line I'm most interested in at the moment however is between Audrey, Max and Aki. I want to see that unwind into something horrendous but then beautiful! It has so much potential in my opinion. In terms of character development however i want to see who Julien is without all of her fame and followers. When the focus is not the media and the attention. I want to see that Julien.

The first episode definitely introduced us to a lot of things at once so far that is my take on them. I'm sure that in the future both the teachers and parents will be a bigger part but one thing is abundantly clear. Unlike the OGGG, there won't be more than maybe 2-3 seasons depending on the ages of the students. The teachers won't follow them onto college will they? Or will things drastically change along the way? It was rather amusing seeing them talk about all the old characters however, and reference the OG Gossip Girl. I am vaguely offended that they categorised twitter as "a glorified chatroom for memes for people over 30". Like dude. . . that hit me hard. I am happy that FB was never even mentioned as existing tho! Cause let's be honest that is not the "hip" thing anymore. But the rules they put down at the party definitely made my head spin. Had to listen to them twice to even get what was happening.

But that's probably enough of me babbling on about this xD If you want to find this on an apparently dying type of media, here's my blog post about it as well lol: https://acloudkat.wordpress.com/?p=960

#gossip girl reboot #gossip girl #reboot #series things

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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Psych 2: Lassie Come Home Easter Egg and Reference Guide

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The following contains spoilers for Psych 2: Lassie Come Home.

As fun as 2017’s Psych: The Movie was, its 2020 sequel Psych 2: Lassie Come Home will likely supplant it in Psych-Os’ hearts, because it’s got 500% more Carlton Lassiter (Timothy Omundson). But how does it stack up to its predecessor in terms of Psych callbacks and pop culture homages? Using our Spencer powers of observation, we’ve tried to catch every recurring inside joke between Shawn (James Roday Rodriguez) and Gus (Dulé Hill), plus all the episodic-specific bits. It’s a feature-length Hitchcock homage, but it’s also the toughest Easter egg hunt of your life. C’mon, son!

Psych 2: Lassie Come Home Easter Eggs and References

The title is a reference to Lassie Come Home, the 1943 Lassie movie about the beloved dog making her way home from Scotland. A German-language remake came out early in 2020.

It’s always a treat to hear the Psych theme song “I Know, You Know,” performed by creator Steve Franks and his band The Friendly Indians.

Lassiter wakes up to Shawn and Gus hovering above him at the recovery clinic is a throwback to when they kidnapped him for his bachelor party in “Deez Nups” and he came to with them screaming “Surpriiise!”

Morrissey the rescue dog reprises his role from Psych: The Movie in being adorable, incredibly nosy, and oblivious to Shawn’s hissing commands.

Sarah Chalke’s nurse character Dolores is most likely a nod to San Francisco’s Mission Dolores church and cemetery, the location for Carlotta Valdes’ grave in Vertigo.

Right out the gate, Dolores is treated to the requisite Gus nickname: “My name is Shawn Spencer, and this is my partner Bill Poopingtons.” However, Shawn and Gus take a sidebar for a very meta argument about their ongoing bit (while fitting in another bit):

“Gus, don’t be the night your dad fell asleep inside your mom. We can’t just stop doing bits we’ve been doing for ten years. We have fans, they have expectations, there’ll be a huge backlash.”

“Shawn, we are two dumbasses, we do not have fans.”

Compromise: Gus gets right of refusal until they land on a nickname he prefers. And so:

Bill Poopingtons > All the Pips in One

Ding-Dong Ditch > Claude O’Dern > Big Poppa Pump > Lemon-a Lemon-a Lemon-a Liiime

Leggo My Eggo > Norman Brown Butter > Dijon Hounsou

Gus also calls himself Jermajesty, channeling some Jackson Five energy.

“Black Jello” was Gus’ nickname in their adult dodgeball league.

The Herschel House is likely a nod to Herschel Daugherty, who directed over two dozen episodes of Alfred Hitchcock Presents…

Gus and Shawn are still bickering over driving the drivers ed car, even if we don’t see it in the movie. They do manage to be just as bad at turning the right direction when riding a motorcycle together.

“Now I know this ‘goofy little white guy/sexy black dude’ routine the two of you have going like the back of my scrubs.” Sarah Chalke played Elliot on Scrubs, whose JD/Turk bromance walked so that Shawn/Gus could run.

Shawn calls Dolores “the nurse from Color of Night,” the 1994 Bruce Willis erotic mystery thriller that won a Golden Raspberry for Worst Picture.

The boys get Jamba Juice because you never turn down an opportunity for a Jamba.

Shawn likens Gus’ pubic hair to Eddie Murphy’s mustache in his 1987 stand-up film Raw.

Shawn offers the dismembered hand to Gus to “knuck it up softly,” per their penchant for fist-bumping.

They later do fist-bump outside the old Psych offices, but not before channeling Han Solo and Chewbacca in Star Wars: The Force Awakens: “Gus, we’re home.” “[Wookiee sound]”

Psych has become a French-themed cat café… for now, at least. It’s not an alternative universe from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, but the current subletter’s pop-up business. The proprietor (not the girl from Orphan) is played by Allison Miller, James Roday Rodriguez’s co-star in A Million Little Things.

“I am a psychic. He is a sympathetic pooper.” Poor Gus’ intestinal system gets called out again.

Henry’s (Corbin Bernsen) put-on voice gets compared to Tom Waits, Kathleen Turner, Harvey Fierstein, and Diedrich Bader.

Shawn neglected to tell his landlord that he’d moved, which tracks with his behavior in the series finale “The Break-Up.”

Henry reveals that in addition to telenovelas, he enjoys zeitgeist-y sobfests: “You left behind a slow cooker with a three-pound roast in it. You nearly This Is Us-ed the entire block.”

“This Is Us—Dad, why are you watching that show? They have the same show on ABC but newer”: Shawn’s shoutout to A Million Little Things.

Lassiter mistakes Reese Kessler, his supposed shooter, for country music singer Conway Twitty.

Lassiter’s to-do list includes “tape Galavant,” the short-lived musical comedy fantasy series created by Dan Fogelman (This Is Us), in which Timothy Omundson played King Richard. It also includes items poking fun at Lassiter’s crankiness (“yell at nature,” “chirping bird d-day plan”) and tenacity (“solve black dahlia”), and heartstring-tugging items (“pre-register for ironman” as in the triathlon). He also has written down Shawn’s S.E.I.Z.E. mantra from his short-lived career as Lassiter’s life coach in “S.E.I.Z.E. the Day”: Seize Eggs I don’t know Zebra Eighties.

Juliet (Maggie Lawson) lying to Shawn sounds strange, though not as strange as Lupita Nyong’o—the Tethered Lupita—in Jordan Peele’s Us.

Shawn’s “romantic dinner” for Jules is the menu from A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (jelly beans, pretzels, buttered toast, popcorn, and ice cream sundaes) because it’s all they had at the gas station on the way home.

That prompts an iconic “C’mon, son!” from Gus.

Gus’ ringtone is “I’m Mr. Bootyman,” which is both Henry’s ringtone and the song featured in Buzz McNab’s bachelorette party stripper routine in “Deez Nups.”

Gus’ (technically Jules’) green snuggie bears a striking resemblance to official Psych contest merch.

Lassiter spotting mysterious bleeding figures out his window is an homage to Rear Window.

Richard Schiff (as Dr. Herschel) was Dulé Hill’s co-star in The West Wing.

Potterhead Gus wants to know if there are any people hiding in the pipes of the Herschel House, “speaking in their own tongue, perhaps Parsel.”

The Psych boys’ map of suspects briefly includes the Hell Hag from Gus’ dreams in “A Nightmare on State Street.”

Shawn has only been to Norway once with his brother-in-law Ewan O’Hara (John Cena), but they don’t talk about that… Maybe that’s where Psych: The Movie went after its cliffhanger ending?

Ova’s Norwegian song/chant toast at the Viking’s Ice Den is very similar to the Swedish toast in “Right Turn or Left for Dead.”

Ova’s violent son Per is first described as “the bearded Daryl Hannah.”

Shawn’s excuse to Detective Buzz McNab (Sage Brocklebank) for being in Santa Barbara is that he forgot a frisbee signed by German writer/director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck.

Shawn’s first reaction to Jules potentially being pregnant: “You know the windows in the loft don’t even fully close, right? I’m gonna have to replace them, otherwise this is Baby’s Day Out all over again.” As Gus reassures him, he always did get worked up over John Hughes’ worst idea.

At the old Psych offices, Shawn pulls out the jousting lance from “100 Clues”—as well as a pineapple! He looks about to ask, “Should we cut this up for the road?” (his question during the pineapple’s first appearance in the pilot, plus at the end of Psych: The Movie) but stops himself.

When Lassie believes that fellow patient Mr. Wilkerson (Kadeem Hardison) has been walking around, Shawn and Gus have to go “full Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” to interrogate the supposedly catatonic patient.

Shoutout to Jessie Spano’s infamous “I’m so excited, I’m so excited, I’m so scared!” speed speech from Saved by the Bell.

If it’s not Scrubs, the boys are getting compared to Ren and Stimpy.

Mary Lightly (Jimmi Simpson) returns in another incredible, extra-hallucinatory look into Shawn’s brain… this time as a baby, since Shawn’s got fatherhood on the brain.

“We got jackaled!” Gus shouts upon learning that Wilkerson can walk—a reference to “hitting the jackal switch,” or going into stealth mode.

Shawn has always had a thing for singer Jewel, even after the Civil War movie (1999’s Ride with the Devil) and the Bollywood song.

Of course there’s a nasty dance when Shawn and Gus figure out who they think is behind everything.

Gus declares that “I am not going to let you shoot Shules’ baby!” only for the Chief (Kirsten Nelson) to ask, “What’s a Shules?” That’s the fans’ name for Shawn/Jules, a cute nod to a series OTP.

And of course, we can’t forget the fact that Jazmyn Simon, who plays Selene, is Dulé Hill’s real-life wife.

More than once, Shawn quotes The Handmaid’s Tale in reference to Gus and Selene’s baby: “Praise be” and “Blessed is the fruit.”

Dolores compliments Lassiter’s “chest of hair plentiful enough to wake all of Destiny’s Child.”

Shawn comes up with possible names for Gus’ child: Shaft, Shaftie, or D’Shaft—just like Gus’ nickname Sh’Dynasty (with a “God’s comma,” or apostrophe) from “Santabarbaratown.”

They also both coo “c’mon son” to Selene’s womb.

Selene’s proposal to Gus includes his negotiation that he and Shawn have adjacent homes with connecting pools, a callback to Shawn and Gus talking about their dream setup in “The Break-Up”; as well as Pluto! She asks, “Will you make me the happiest woman on this planet, on Eres, and Pluto?”

Shawn tells Juliet that “you’re my person,” the iconic Grey’s Anatomy line (though one would argue that Gus more accurately is his person).

When Lassiter stands (shut up, you’re crying) to meet Marlowe (Kristy Swanson), they place their palms together—like they did when he would visit her in jail, like they did at their wedding. My heart.

Join us on the Easter egg hunt—let us know what references we missed!

The post Psych 2: Lassie Come Home Easter Egg and Reference Guide appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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pandemicthestory · 5 years ago

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5: distanced

The next step is to find an in, and then an out.

The morning news briefing on TV:

Kelly Sanchez, lead anchorwoman, stares gravely into the camera. It will be another day of news that no one wants to hear.

“Good morning, Chicago. We’re here with your daily update of the coronavirus. Schools across the country have been canceled due to a significant shortage of public funding. These are funds that are currently being allocated to bail out the tanking airline industry. The President says that allowing the top corporations to suffer will result in a greater hole for the economy. We hope he’s right.

Meanwhile, bars, restaurants and shopping centers that have been re-opened early to boost the economy have not seen the dramatic rise in business that was expected. Perhaps people are too afraid to go out to dinner amongst the public, or perhaps they simply can’t afford it due to a loss of work. One thing we do know is that the most detrimental effect of these early openings is causing a further spread. As people in certain states that have not seriously social-distanced begin to cross state lines…”

Emma’s mom and dad are sitting on the couch, waiting for Kelly to tell them that things are going to get at least slightly better. But she doesn’t. It’s getting impossible to convince themselves that this will all be over soon--that everything will return to normal. It’s becoming likely that the new “normal,” if it ever comes, will be something that no one has ever seen.

*buzzzz*

Emma’s alarm wakes her up at 8:30 AM. She facepalms herself upon remembering that school doesn’t exist anymore and therefore alarms are canceled. Dammit.

But then, she remembers that Universe is currently downloading to her external hard drive. The excitement of this sends a shock through her system and wakes up every cell in her body. It’s that “Christmas morning” excitement, which is marginally more enjoyable than that “about to run away with a possibly bad dude” excitement. That kind is good too, just, different. She runs over to her computer.

16 HOURS REMAINING

Shit. The size of this application is no joke. Seemingly she’ll have to wait until tonight to begin her exploration. To find Mason.

Emma remembers the talk they had last night, and reflects on his support of her relationships with her friends. She realizes that she didn’t know many people with that quality, guys especially...it seems like they always demand her full attention and become frustrated if asked to share. Especially one guy. Well anyway, Mason. Intriguing.

Emma heads downstairs to make herself a bowl of cereal. Oh wait, there’s no milk. And no cereal either? These days, groceries are scarce and pickings are slim. Ah well, might have to be plain oatmeal. Serious orphanage vibes--which is somewhat fitting since her parents wish they could leave her at one.

Ugh. Every time you eat oatmeal, you forget how horrible oatmeal is. Isabel sits across the table from her, scrolling through her phone with intent and drinking black coffee. Emma smirks.

“Aren’t you kinda young to be drinking coffee? Plus what do you have to energize for, your job at the office?”

Isabel pays no attention to her.

“Hello? Okay what is up with you.”

Isabel looks up from her phone, a faraway look in her eyes.

“Do you have a headset?” she asks.

“Um, what do you mean? Like headphones? What are you talking about?”

Isabel looks down again.

“No, like a viewing headset. Like an Oculus or a Vive. Aren’t you like, a tech nerd? You don’t do anything with VR?”

Odd request. Emma isn’t much of a gamer anymore, she used to play Dota and Warcraft, but that was before she decided to cut back to become more social. Spend time with her friends. Date an asshole. Whatever. But in all her experience with gaming, she had never gotten into VR. She never saw the point...either play games or experience the real world. What was the point in trying to achieve both at the same time?

“No I don’t. And you know those are expensive as hell, right?”

Isabel looks nervous.

“I know. Which is why...um, I was wondering, can I borrow some money?”

Emma bursts out laughing.

“No Iz, you can’t borrow 800 dollars to buy a VR headset. Hey are you aware that we’re going through a global pandemic and the world may or may not be ending? I think food and toilet paper are better investments than virtual tennis, or whatever.”

Isabel just shakes her head. What is with this girl? She’s normally the queen of smartassery--loves to spar with Emma and argue about literally everything. She’s usually so ready for a fight, but now she feels surrendered. It’s weird how you can be trapped in such close quarters with a person and still feel like they’re on a different planet.

Emma and Isabel are two years apart. Up until Emma was 6 and Isabel was 4, they were best friends. They shared everything. Isabel didn’t want to play with a toy unless Emma played with it with her. She wouldn’t wear clothing unless it was Emma’s hand-me-down. They shared a bedroom, the walls covered with monarch butterflies. Their mom went for a theme, tacky lamp shades and all, lord knows she tried her best. Often, they would stay awake late into the night, vividly describing the dream that the other sister would have. They thought if they focused hard enough, they could carry those dreams with them into sleep.

But as they got older, things changed. The tacky butterflies were no longer endearing. Emma moved into a room that was being used as her dad’s office. She got a Nintendo DS for Christmas. And she started locking her door.

Isabel was left to wonder where her role model went. But after Emma made it clear that her hobbies were no longer to be shared, Isabel hardened herself to the rejection. She promised herself to become her own person in any way that she could, to never be dependent on Emma to define her personality.

In fifth grade, Isabel met Anush. They met because they were both teacher helpers in art class, and it was their responsibility to help set up the room before class and clean it up afterwards. They were both very outgoing, emotional, and honest. Isabel always told Anush exactly what she was thinking, and vice versa. The two girls were popular among their classmates, but the good kind of popular. They were kind, and they included the other girls who wanted to be like them.

So really, it makes no sense that Isabel is being the way that she is. She’s confident, vocal, and annoyingly optimistic. On a normal day. So what’s wrong?

“Emma, someone just dropped a package off for you.”

Their mom called from the other room. Isabel leaves the table, stressed and defeated. Emma continues to chip away at the bowl of grey sludge in front of her. It’s crazy that there are still people out there delivering the mail--how long until that stops too?

*buzz*

Good morning, group chat.

OLIVIA: GG morning check-in: I want to talk about what the hell Serena sees in Dan

MADISON: or what dan sees in serena?? Come on he’s like an intellectual and she’s a superficial barbie princess

ZOE: Mad you know that is MISOGYNISTIC and that you’re letting the fact that she wears expensive dresses and has blonde hair cloud your judgement!!

MADISON: oh shut up it’s early

OLIVIA: Remember when you were begging not to watch the show??

MADISON: quarantine does weird shit to people ok

Emma enters the chat.

EMMA: Ok but without Serena, don’t you think Blair is so much more lame? Like it’s the best friend combo that makes the show imo

ZOE: There she is!!!

MADISON: goooood morning to our very own barbie princess!

OLIVIA: Why are any of us even awake? SCHOOL’S OVERRR. Should we like, do something?

EMMA: Like what? Sit on our asses and text each other from afar?

MADISON: sounds chill

Emma laughs to herself. Damn. She’s going to miss them.

Maybe there’s a way for her to tell...part of the truth? Leave the part about Julian out? Kind of a big part... Say she’s coming back? Make up a concrete opportunity? There has to be some sort of acceptable explanation...there just has to be. And even if she can’t come up with one...there are other things she wants to tell them about. Another boy.

EMMA: Hey do you guys wanna do a zoom chat in a few min? Just kinda feel like talking more than texting rn

MADISON: do u mind if i go back to bed and pass on that? I love u girl but i’m tired af

ZOE: aaand same here, but it’s only because i’m supposed to do this thing…

OLIVIA: so call Gabriel?

ZOE: Wellllll...I don’t wanna lie to y’all.

Ha. Emma knows the feeling.

EMMA: you out too Liv?

OLIVIA: I am innnnn give me a call when you’re ready

MADISON: kiss kiss kiss

ZOE: kiiiiissssss

EMMA: bye losers

Well, maybe telling one person is a good place to start. Liv is super understanding...she’ll be able to think of a good way to break the news to Mad and Zoe. Emma runs up to her room and closes the door. She flops down on her unmade bed, and facetimes Olivia.

“Hey Liv”

“Emmmm”

Lingering silence. Emma just kind of stares at the wall. Olivia breaks the silence.

“Sooo what did you wanna talk about?”

Emma doesn’t know if she can do it. Ok, form words. Try.

“I wanna tell you something, that’s kind of a long story. And it’s connected to other stories. And basically I’ve just gone too long without talking about any of it and now there’s like this big clusterfuck of details that I need you to know but can’t figure out where to start.”

Whew. Even the vaguest of outbursts feels cathartic. Olivia doesn’t seem to be freaked out yet.

“Emma, I’m pretty sure I know you better than anyone. And you can trust me.”

“I know you say that now but...I don’t know if, after I say what I, well I don’t know if you’re gonna trust me. I haven’t said everything that I need to say to you. Or Zo and Mad.”

“Ok, so, here’s your chance. I’m listening.”

Emma takes a deep breath. Where to start?

*knock knock*

The knocks are soft. Unlike her mom’s, whose are very prison guard-esque, and actually who is more likely to not knock at all. Emma calls out.

“What.”

Isabel’s voice comes from the other side of the door.

“I gotta tell you something.” Her voice is uncharacteristically soft.

“I’m on the phone with Liv right now, can it wait?”

Silence.

“Iz?”

Emma hears the creaking of Isabel’s footsteps down the wooden hallway, and then her beddoor shutting. Click, it locks.

Emma turns back to the phone.

“That was Iz, she’s been acting like a freak.”

“What’s going on with her?”

“No idea. I feel like 14 is a weird age, plus like, she’s REALLY social and into school and shit. This quarantine is probably forcing an inversion of her personality.”

Olivia nods with sympathy. “God, that’s rough.”

“Yeah...I feel kinda bad I guess. We just don’t really have anything to talk about.”

“Oh come on, you’re sisters. Talk about how controlling your mom is.”

Emma laughs. She flips onto her back and stretches her legs against the wall. Oh, physical exertion of any kind feels so unnatural.

“Well Liv...we do have one thing in common. Which is...one of the things I haven’t told you.”

Emma fights a smile.

“TELL ME”

“So I saw Isabel playing this weird computer game, I mean I don’t even know if it was a game or like what the hell it was, but now, I’m downloading it…”

“Uh, ok?? Why?”

“This is going to sound insane, but hear me out…”

“Hearing…”

“I got this...message...online. From someone who I’ve never met. A guy, I think, and his name is Mason.”

“OOOMG”

“Hahah well it’s not like that, I mean I have no fucking idea WHAT it’s like, because it’s very weird, and um, he’s the reason I’m downloading this game. The one that Iz is playing. Cuz he told me to.”

Silence.

“That...is really fucking weird.”

“I know.”

“You don’t even know how badly I wish I was coming over right now to go all detective on his ass right now with you…”

Emma laughs. “I know you would be. It’s so weird being here alone.”

“You’re not alone Em!!! I’m here. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but I’ll ALWAYS be here for you. That’s corny as hell but hey it’s true.”

“Hah, yeah...same. I’m here.”

How can Emma keep this incredibly annoying feeling of guilt suppressed? It’s kind of ruining the buzz of anything else. But it will be ok. Olivia will understand...

*ping*

Emma has come to expect that any message received to her ghostwriter account will be from Mason. She jumps up from her bed, still on the call with Olivia. Emma starts to get excited.

“So this is crazy but he just messaged me, ahhhhhh…”

“Eeee tell me what he said!!”

Sure enough, the message is from Mason.

MASON: hi! did you get it yet?

Emma reads the message aloud to Olivia, who is equally confused.

“What is he talking about?

“I have no idea…”

Emma starts typing a response.

EMMA: Good morning! Get what..?

MASON: a package!

Emma looks confused. Was it...Mason who sent the package? What the hell? How does he know where she lives?? Well at this point she’s not surprised.

“Liv, I gotta call you back!”

“Ok you BETTER tell me what the hell this package situation is because congratulations this is now the most interesting thing happening in my life!!!”

Emma ends the call and runs downstairs. Her parents haven’t moved from the couch, still watching coverage of the virus’s destruction on TV.

“Hey Mom where’s that package??”

“Iz said she’d bring it up to you.”

“What? Can you not give her my mail?”

Emma’s mom turns to face her. “Attitude. Chill.”

Emma rolls her eyes and runs upstairs. She knocks on Isabel’s door. Well, bangs, really.

“Hi ready to talk now. What’s up??”

No response. As Emma presses her ear against the door, she can’t hear anything. She jiggles the handle, it won’t open.

“This is really weird. Hello.”

“Hellooooo.”

“Fine, we don’t have to talk. But I need my package. Now.”

……

Emma grabs the little key from behind the thermostat in the hallway. Isabel will just have to forgive her for this. Emma inserts the key into the lock and…

The lock clicks, the handle turns, and the door opens.

Emma enters the room, ready for Isabel to yell at her.

“Iz??”

First Emma sees the packaging. The medium-sized cardboard box on the ground, the bubble wrap, the plastic…it had clearly been torn off in a hurry...

Isabel is sitting at her computer, her back turned toward Emma.

“Isabel?!”

Emma runs over and jerks the swivel chair to face her, and Isabel slouches over. She’s wearing a virtual reality headset.

The one that was sent to Emma in that package.

“ISABEL”

Isabel’s ears are covered with oversized headphones, but even without them, she wouldn’t be able to hear Emma anyway. Her body is limp. Non-responsive.

Emma starts panicking and checks Isabel’s pulse--steady. Her breathing, normal. What is happening here? What is going on??

Then Emma sees the computer screen.

The map. That fucking map.

She turns back to Isabel. She thinks of Mason. She realizes.

The right question is not “What”, but “Where.”

#writers #writers on tumblr #write #short fiction #shortstory #writing #pandemic #coronavirus #young adult #ya novels

1 note · View note

obsessed-love · 6 years ago

Text

Avengers: Endgame

My thoughts during the movie

Plus some extra notes

oh hi Clint

Your daughter is adorable!

the next Hawkeye!

wait

oh noooooooo

nooooooo

That's so saaaad

Please don't go Ronin. Just go find the Avengers. Please! I love you

Oh shit Tony you look like a skeleton

Honey please eat

Wait its been 22 days? oof

Nebula and Tony interacting is adorable

oh no Tony don't you dare die

oh shit CAPTAIN MAAARRRVEEELLLL

YAAAASSSSSS

oh shit Tony is even madder than he was at the end of Civil War holy shit

he’s so skinny holy shit

oh shit Tony don't do that

Steve you don goofed

SHit TONY-

oh wow okay

Thor finally aimed for the head I guess

Wait 5 years?! HOly shit

oh look Steve is finally going to group theraphy

Natasha’s hair is gorgeous

I love her necklace

oh shit he’s gone Ronin

nooooooo

oh Carol your new haircut is amazing!

It looks so gooooodddd!!!!

oh shit that rat is the one that ultimately saved the world

the rat brought Scott back

good job

oh they’re gonna mess with time travel?

like back to the future?

HOLY SHIT TONY HAS A DAUGHTER

SHE’S SO CUTE HOLY SHIT

she’s so small!

tony is an amazing parent

look at her!

she’s adorable

“I love you 3000″

that's so cute!

Scott is me if I ever meet any of these actors

wait...

is that Bruce?

NOOOOOOOOO

he looks so bad!

MY BABIIIEESSS

NOOOOOO

WHYYYYYY

TURN IT BACK TURN IT BACK

he sounds so dumb!

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

ok so this sucks

The band is almost complete

just Thor and Hawkeye

Thor first I guess

OH YASSSSS VALKYRIE YOU GO GIRL

oh wait what? why is there so many cans of beer-

OH MY GOD

OH NOOOOOO

WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THAT?!

MY BABYYYYY

HES SO DEPRESSED HOLY SHIT NOOOOO

HIS ABS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

oh shit is that Japanese?

oh this looks like a scene from an anime

yes Clint it does work

probably

oh shit

ok ok

it works

so sad he could not see his daughter though

OK LETS GO

This suspiciously sounds like the plot from back to the future

ok so group 1 goes to New York in 2012 to get the Space Stone, Time Stone, and the Mind Stone

Group 2 goes to 2014 to get the Soul Stone and the Power Stone

and Group 3 goes to 2013 to get the Aether Reality Stone

ok that's good

good plan

man that old outfit looks horrible on cap

shit hulk is so aggressive and its...

really fucking funny

professor hulk is bad at being hulk

YES THAT IS A FINE PIECE OF AMERICA’S ASS

hail hydra?

shit dude that's deep

y’all are busted

wait so Natasha and Clint are going to get the Soul Stone?

oh noooooo

one of them is gonna die-

oh look cut to Thor now

Thor its ok bab calm down

Rocket you’re on your own buddy

awww Frigga

yes Frigga and Thor interacting! Im all for this

YES HIS HAMMER IS BACK! FUCKING FINALLY HOLY SHIT

oh cut to Professor Hulk

be careful with that woman bruce

shes weird

oh nevermind

so let me get this straight, this whole time travel thing is like in Dragon ball?

yes?

yep.

ok so that's bad

they didn’t get the Space Stone

Loki just grabbed it and went bye bitch on all of them

oof

Steve... fighting… Steve?

oh shit that's awesome

hah Steve is annoyed at Steve

OH SHIT YES

gg no re

that ass thou

that’s a fine piece of American ass

OMG THERE HE GOES

MY LITTLE IDIOT

COME AND GET YOUR LOVEEEEEEEE

OH YEAH

oop and there he goes to the floor

wait is nebula dead?

oh no

wait what?

ok so lemme get this straight, nobody thought of upgrading Nebula, so now tHANOS CAN USE PAST NEBULA TO SEE OUR NEBULA’S MEMORIES?

NOW HE KNOWS

THIS IS DUMB

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Cut to Tony and Steve in the 1970′s

man they both look gorgeous

oh shit. is that Howard?

get away

fuck this guy

oh wait

he’s being nice to Tony

FUCK I LOVE THIS

oh my god PEGGY!

is that JArvis?

THATS JARVIS

HOLY SHIT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Cut to Clint and Natasha

oh nooooooo

one of them is gonna have to die

OH SHIT NO CLINT

NAT STOP

N0000000000000000

IN THE SAME POSSITION AS GAMORA TOO

THATS GAY

*starts crying a bit*

MY BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

she’s dead

I cant

I CANT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

well... at least they got the stones?

lets go bbs

yes

Yes

YES!

wait shouldn't Tony do it?

oh wait no he would die

you go Bruce!

COME ON DO IT BEFORE YOU DIE

OH SHIT NO THANOS

THEY’RE ALL BACK!!!! ANSWER THE PHONE CLINT!

WAIT NO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN RHODEY!

oh wait...

RUN CLINT

WHERE THE HELL IS CAPTAIN MARVEL?!?!

you go Gamora do the right thing!

yes Nebula kill yourself!

wait no don't actually kill yourself just the other you

wait no-

ugh

you know what

just-

good job.

STOP TALKING AND GO GET THANOS

THOR YOU LOOK AMAZING BB

WAIT WHERE DID STORMBREAKER COME FROM?!

oop there goes Tony

WAIT SHIT DONT KILL THOR

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

YOU GO STEVE

YOU’RE WORTHY!!!!!!!

THIS SCENE IS FUCKING EPIC

OH WAIT NO HIS SHIELD

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

SHIT

STOOP

THATS SO UNFAIR

wait-

what was that?

*crying starts again*

YAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS THY’RE ALL BACK HOLY SHIT

SHURIIIIIIIIIIIIII

PETEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER

HOLY SHIT

GO BEAT HIS ASS

“AVENGERS!”

“ASSEMBLE.”

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS

THATS FUCKING AMAZING

WIFE AND HUSBAND FIGHTING TOGETHER IS AMAZING

OH MY IRON DAD AND SPIDER SON MOMENT

HOLY SHIT

THIS IS AMAZING

LOOK AT VALKYRIE ON HER PEGAGUS!

RUN BLACK PANTHER

HOLY SHIT QUEEN

WANDA GO KILL HIS ASS

YAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS

MY TWO BABIES ARE FINALLY GETTING BACK TOGETHER

GO GET HER QUILL

oh wait...

nevermind

OH THERE SHE ISSSSSSSSSSSS

YOU GO CAROL GO GET HIM

BEAT HIS AAAAASSSSSSS

QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

OH SHIT THATS FUCKING AMAZING YOU GO GIRLS

I AM SO FOR THIS TEAM UP

GO GIRRRRLLLLSSSSSSS

PETER AND CAROL INTERACTING IS ALL I’VE EVER WANTED

I’VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR THIS SHIT

SHIT

GET IT TONY

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

oh wait

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS

“I am Irom Man”

WE WON

HOW DOES IT FEEL YOU NUT SACK OF A FACE?

HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OH WAIT

WAIT NO

Tony?

wait...

stop

StApH

*starts ugly crying*

MY FAV BABY NOOOOOOOOOOO

HE’S DEAD

“Mr. Stark we won”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

mY hEaRt

“its okay you can rest now”

“we’ll be okay”

WELL NOT LIKE I NEEDED MY HEART Y’KNOW

*continues on ugly crying*

they put his old arc reactor on a bunch of roses and just let it float on the river?

what a send off

im crying cause it hurts

this is so sad

this reminds me of the scene where Tony throws the arc reactor to the sea

fUcK

shit not like I needed my heart

everyone is here?

oh yeah

WAIT IS THAT HARLEY????

*cries even harder*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

well at least…

everyone got a happy ending...

man tony stop talking you’re making me cry harder

“I love you 3000″

THOSE WHERE HIS LAST WORDS TO HER WHEN HE LEFT TO GO SAVE THE UNIVERSE AND NOW IN THIS RECORDING

MY HEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRTTTTTT

wait Steve is the one that is going to return the Stones?

cool

just please come back

son of a bitch

wait who’s that?!

IS THAT PRE-SERUM STEVE?

nevermind

shit he looks so old

HE GOT MARRIED TO PEGGY HOLY SHIT

THEY GOT TO HAVE THAT DANCE

AWWWWWWWWWWW

*continues on crying*

wait...

what is that?

HOLY SHIT

YES

YESSSSSSSS

Sam is now Captain America and I could literally not be happier

cut to Thor

wait Thor is not going to e King anymore

VALKYRIE IS???

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaS

YOU GO QUEEEEEEEEEEEEN

wait he’s going to go live with the guardians?

cool

no matter how many jokes you throw at me I’m still not gonna stop crying

shit is that Ned?

HOLY SHIT

MY LITTLE BABIES RE-UNITED

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

THIS IS SO CUTE

cut to Morgan and Happy

she’s so cute

AWWWWW

just like her dad!

she wants a burger.

oh and here come the end credits

and I’m still crying….

Notes!

I loved the ending. It was Satisfying and wrapped up phase 3 really nicely. I literally don't see how someone is going to be mad about it. I LOVED IT. It was amazing. Everyone got a happy ending.

But my Fav Baby died

and my other baby also died

and one of my babies got old

one of my main babies one was depressed but only used for a pathetic excuse of comic relief

the other main baby got ugly and green....

I’m so sad

I am kind of intrigued about what will happen next in the MCU

I know Far from home is the ending of Phase 3 and I really want to see what will happen in Phase 4 now that Disney has ownership of Fox

Honestly all I want to see is Morgan Stark either becoming the next Iron Man/Woman or her own superhero called 3000

that’d be adorable

I’m so sad

I still cant believe Tony died

I cant believe they did Thor like that

I cant believe its 2023 in their universe like what?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

goodbye phase 3! lets hope phase 4 (and the rest to come) is as good (or even better) than this one!

Lets see where the story goes.

32 notes · View notes

whatiobsessabout · 7 years ago

Text

The Ultimate List of LGBT Kpop Songs/MVs

This has come about because whenever I come across queer kpop lists I am disappointed by how short and repetitive they are. My goal is to have THE MOST comphensive list of songs and music videos with any sort of lgbt themes.

Each song or mv listed will have a little (or not so little) description explaining how gay it is or why it is gay. This does mean I’ve let some more questionable songs and mvs on the list but from the description I shouldn’t be leading people astray or getting their hopes up. (I decided against including covers of songs eg. where the artist hasn’t changed the gender in the songs. bc I feel that would become too messy and complicated. Also there are artists and songs I dislike on this list, and some artists can be considered problematic however I felt that if I excluded anything based on personal opinions it would make the purpose of this list invalid).

Hopefully kpop fans can diversify their playlists and discover new bops, as well as giving comfort to lgbt+ kpop fans. I plan to update this list as new gay content is released :)

PLEASE GIVE ME MORE SUGGESTIONS FOR THIS LIST

Playlist of this List

UV & JYP - Itaewon Freedom Itaewon is the multicultural district in seoul, also one of the prominent “gay” areas in s.korea. this song is a gay anthem in korea.

Baek Ji Young - I Won't Love Again/Sarang Ahn Hae a beautiful lesbian romance

K.Will – Please Don't the ultimate plot twist mv and is THE gay kpop mv

Sistar – One More Day, I Like That, I Swear In One More Day shows when friends turn into lesbian lovers, but one is still in a relationship with an abusive man. The latter two mvs have fanservice based touching plus those gay vibes

ANDA – Touch a very lesbian mv

Baby Soul & Yoo Jia – She's a Flirt Feat. Jang Dongwoo a lesbian relationship but one of them is still with a man

After School – Because of You love triangle between 3 women

Red Velvet – Wish Tree a one-sided lesbian love. I will mention ‘Bad Boy’ for having some fanservice moments and the rainbow outfits in ‘Peek-a-Boo’ is peak gay culture

Holland – Neverland Holland is described by many news outlets as “The First Openly Gay Kpop Idol” make of that as you will (Because you can argue about being first and whether he is actually an idol, despite being a Korean person making pop or alternative pop music). Regardless he is openly gay and his song is most definitely gay and his mv is explicitly gay. Bless him

4L – Move in the aftermath of a massive breakup, the female character ends up having a lesbian one night stand which further confuses her while she deals with her heartbreak. This mv is more in the fanservice and objectifying females/lesbians category.

Loona – Chuu: Heart Attack, Yves: New light lesbian themes, up for interpretation

10cm – Help The male characters struggle with their relationship as they worry how society view them

DIA – Seoraksan In October light lesbian themes, up for interpretation

VIXX LR – Whisper light gay themes and touching, symbolic based and possibly just fanservice. Some consider their other hit ‘Beautiful Liar’ as gay, however, despite the homoeroticism in that mv, the plot is about struggling with your two inner selves rather than a male & male relationship.

Day6 – What Can I Do in a very messy love triangle (or octogon, who knows??) Wonpil has a one sided love for Sungjin, the plot is somewhat continued in their mvs ‘I Loved You’ and ‘When You Love Someone’.

Sweet Revenge – Cry to Your Heart's Content lesbians, lesbians, lesbians

INFINITE – The Eye some scenes of this could fall into the category of fanservice and skinship, even though it is very emotionally charged

Gugudan – Chococo Sejeong experiences a gay and chocolatey epiphany (a minor scene)

San.E – Story of someone I know Depicts an ex-girlfriend dumping him for a girl

Brown Eyed Girls – Abracadabra Queens of sexual freedom, there is an almost kiss at the end.

Girl's Day – Female President an almost kiss scene, in a feminist bop (a song made not too long after s.korea elected their very first female president, Park Geun Hye. Note: this was made well before she was exposed for being the worst™ and consequently impeached, which is a shame for the first and so far only female leader in s.korea to leave such a ignominious history.)

BTS – Blood Sweat and Tears, I need you, Run In Blood Sweat and Tears Jin kisses the male demon statue that seems to represent Taehyung. The other 2 mvs have light gay themes with skinship type moments

Imfact – Lollipop kissing on the cheeks and other skinship for fanservice

Wonder Girls – Why So Lonely a sort of but not really kiss scene

Crispi Crunch - Thumbs up a very questionable mv but does include a trans woman, or crossdresser, near the end. Also the teasers for this mv included the two dudes kissing, nowhere to be found in the actual mv though (or on the internet now.... ???)

Lim Chang Jung – Open the Door Includes a gay kiss

Glam – Party XXO a bi anthem, lyrics specify about not caring about gender when searching for love

N.O.M – A Guys, Nature of Man the group were less of a kpop group and more of a gay club act who then released 2 singles

Orange Caramel – Catallena more so in the lyrics than mv but not completely ignored in the mv, Catallena explores how women are supposed to compete with each other in society and how that becomes confusing when females look up and idolise other females, and even further complicates when you fall for a female. Additionally, the meaning can also be about how girl groups are pitted against each other but they also admire and love each other

Nell – The Day Before Deals with homosexuality and suicide

Harisu – History (with Turbo), Liar, Shopping Girl, Reaction, Foxy Lady, etc. A transgender model and actress who also had a pop career for a period of time

Mercury – Don’t Stop, Let’s Party a girl group which has one member, Hanbit, who is trans

SNSD – Dancing Queen, Divine (Story Version), All Night, Love & Girls, etc. Dancing queen has lowkey gay lyrics. Divine is one big lesbian drama. In All Night Sooyoung and Yuri have major gay vibes towards each other. Both All Night and Love & Girls include drag queens. GG’s discography is so large so there’s plenty more lowkey gay songs.

Lee Hyori – Miss Korea, Going Crazy Miss Korea critics beauty standards for women in korea, and includes drag queens. In Going Crazy Hyori crossdresses as a man and then sleazily flirts with tons of women

Mamamoo – Um Oh Ah Yeh plays with crossdressing and gender identity, and kinda gay. And they have a song called “Girl Crush” which is supposedly platonic by Korean pov but worth a mention

Monsta X – All In Hyungwon and Minhyuk are shown to be together, this is possibly why Hyungwon’s dad beats him

GFriend – Navillera Eunha and Yerin are confirmed to be depicting a couple throughout this mv. There are hints that the rest of the group are also coupled up but aren’t as far into their relationships yet.

Suran – Sad Pain two differently disabled women find comfort with each other

Triple H – 365 So Fresh heavily implied polyamorous relationship and threesome between 2 guys (Hui & e.dawn) and 1 girl (Hyuna)

Mad Clown – Love is a Dog from Hell Feat. Suran the story of a trans woman and her wife. Side note: interestingly enough Mad Clown asked his brother to play the trans woman, which brings up some questions about their personal lives – how close to this story are they?

Bestie – Excuse Me in this mv the girls have a magical pair of glasses that reveal the true intentions of men, the final group of men they come across are revealed to be gay

Maman – Obvious Story a lesbian song by a lesbian singer in a lesbian mv

Kriesha Chu – Like Paradise a lovely and trendy lesbian date

Song Jieun – Don’t Look at Me Like That depicts how gay people feel in conservative korea, feeling judged for their love

XIA – Tarantallegra, Even though I already know crossdressing and gender identity, plus gay vibes especially with the dancers

Heechul & Min Kyung Hoon – Sweet Dream a love triangle including Kyunghoon’s one-sided love for Heechul

Planet Shiver & Crush – Rainbow an anti-discrimination song

CoCoSoRi – Mi Amor the kiss at the end, otherwise pretty het

SVT JUN & THE8 – My I in the realms of fanservice, male duet song and performance

U-KISS – Quit Playing threesome scene including 2 men (Kiseop & Hoon) and 1 woman

Kangta (H.O.T) – Polaris deals with gender identity

Super Junior D&E – Still You, I Wanna Love You, etc. In Still You Donghae and Eunhyuk find each other, “bromance” or just plain gay vibes. I Wanna Love You could be a gay duet or not. Most releases from these guys are lowkey gay so.

Jo Kwon – Animal a gay diva delivering a gay bop

Beenzino – How Do I Look? has a couple scenes (not many) where gay men/couple are depicted

Bebop & Humming Urban Stereo – MAEM MAEM looks like they are on a date

WJSN – Secret some minor gay vibes, gay staring, hand holding etc.

9Muses A – Lip 2 Lip an almost kiss (in a pretty het mv)

9Muses – Wild, Sleepless Night Wild has fanservice based touching plus vibes. Meanwhile Sleepless Night has a scene which heavily implies lesbian sex

History – Psycho yet again fanservice based touching plus those gay vibes

Luizy – Baby Ride feat. Hyunsik of BTOB just two bros being bros on their bro date y’know

Uhm Jung Hwa – Dreamer, Watch Me Move, Ending Credit, House Mix Performance, etc. QUEEN OF THE GAYS

HA:TFELT (Yeeun of Wonder Girls) – Truth shows a lesbian couple

Jo Sung Mo – Immortal Love depicts a heartbreaking secret gay relationship

Z.Hera – D Island depicts a powerful interracial lesbian love story

Yuri & Raiden – Always Find You fight me this is lesbian af as long as you cut out the last 3 seconds

MISS $ – Just Let Me Live feat. Skull complex love triangles, and possessive love, with plenty of lesbian themes

Chaness – SeSeSe dark mv with lesbians doing what they can to be together

Lee Jung Hyun – Michyeo Lee Jung Hyun becomes crazed when she learns of her boyfriend’s affair with another man

Homme – Still Eating Well it’s a bit of a stretch but 2 dudes and 1 girl scenario, dedicated to more of the “bro” time than the hetero plot

Lady – Attention, Lady’s Night A girl group made up of transgender women (Sinae, Sahara, Binu and Yuna)

Shinhwa – This Love a massive stretch but voguing is gay culture so we can’t ignore that, plus the use male back up dancers is… interesting

Kim DongHee – I Feel Like I’m Dying Lesbian storyline

Seo In Young – Scream (19 Ver.) there’s some gayish scenes in there, nothing major

Aoora – Body Talk, grab or bite, heartfreak, etc. he tries to pretend his stuff isn’t gay but he isn’t that good at it tbh. it’s pretty transparent how gay everything is even if he does include shots of boobs. he could be bi???

May Doni - Molla Ing feat. 2AM has some gay scenes

Cheetah – My Number Includes a male dance team which are very femme, or are drag queens (?? If someone knows please tell me)

Yu Mei – Suddenly cute lesbian love

Risso – OMG cute lesbian couple

Luna – Free Somebody not necessarily gay but you can understand lyrically how this connected to the lgbt community in korea and how it is now one of their staples at pride

f(x) – Chu, Pink Tape Art Film In Chu Krystal wears a marriage equality shirt that says ‘Legalise Gay’. Pink Tape Art Film has light lesbian themes. Amber in general defies female gender roles in both western and eastern cultures.

진주 – 미로 Feat. 엄지원 & TBNY a lesbian storyline

Gangkiz – Honey Honey a girl gang run amuck being troublesome and having the times of their lives. Has possible lesbian themes.

UP10TION – Attention some gay fanservice choreography

Sweet Boy – I LUV HER feat. NUVO This falls into the category of men objectifying females and lesbians, an almost kiss

Stellarjet – Guiding Light the main character spies on her neighbour and falls for her

Brown Classics - Nostalgia Feat. Yozoh & Eric has a gay storyline

Rainbow Blaxx – Cha Cha minor lesbian themes with skinship and fanservice

Epitone Project – Hate a delicate lesbian love story

4Men – First Kiss The female character is devasted when the man she loves falls for another man

toheart (Key of SHINee and Woohyun of Infinite) – Delicious Key and Woohyun might think they are trying to win over the same gal but in reality they are winning each other over

Taemin – Move I was struggling whether to put him on the list as he is lowkey a gay icon eg. Move where he finally threw off the shackles of gender based choreography and fully embraced his androgyny. he has plenty of songs and performances that all exist in this realm of androgyny, and a lot of his discography, both Korean and Japanese, could be gay but it could also be straight, it’s very easy to interpret whichever way, which I do think is intentional. (please refer to Ten’s section further down where I share my conflicting feelings about referring to people like Taemin as a gay icon if you are interested)

Seeya – Shoes, Crazy Love Song heavy drama plot with lesbian themes, the mvs are connected

Park Jungmin (SS501) – Not Alone an anti-discrimination bop and includes a drag queen

Pentagon – Critical Beauty All the members are coupled up, and there’s a very questionable scene with e.dawn and a banana. A small mention of their mvs ‘Like This’ and ‘Runaway’ which has some very minor scenes of guys together but it’s very ambiguous and a major stretch to even label it as fanservice.

CS Numbers – Cry Out With My Heart two girls go on a road trip

Bumkey – Bad Girl The female character keeps on flirting with the male character but in the end it turns out he’s into guys

4minute – Whatcha Doin’ Today? Jihyun may have accidently made two guys go from fighting each other to kissing each other, not to mention Gayoon has some lesbian vibes throughout the mv

i11evn – Porn Star Feat. Suprema in the lyrics he talks about being bi (watch out for Suprema using, rather seemingly misusing the dreaded term “no homo”)

Gain (Brown Eyed Girls) – Two Women some interpret this song to have lesbian themes

Infinite Flow – Rainbow Feat. Kim Jong Wan of Nell the lyrics depict the depression and desperation of being gay in korea (sidenote: a personal favourite of mine that I discovered years and years ago and it still has a very emotional effect on me)

Dynamic Duo – Heartbreaker Feat. Kim Jong Wan of Nell the anger and sadness of struggling with homosexuality in korea in the lyrics, the mv’s plot ignores the song’s meaning

Epik High - AMOR FATI Feat. Kim Jong Wan of Nell In the very words of Tablo “I wrote 'Amor Fati' for people who are mistreated because they were born the way they are.”

IU – Peach, Red Queen, Everyone has Secrets feat. Gain of Brown Eyed Girls Peach was written in dedication to former f(x) member Sulli. Red Queen’s lyrics also romanticise a girl and it is said to yet again be about Sulli. The lyrics of Everyone has secrets can be very relatable to the lgbt community.

Nam Tae Hyun (Winner) – I’m Young a love song where the lyrics only mention a masculine pronoun

2YOON – Why Not these lyrics can be interpreted as gay

EXO – Playboy, They Never Know The lyrics of Playboy make more sense when you interpret as a secret gay relationship. The live performances of this is the opposite of heterosexuality. (note: Jonghyun wrote Playboy). In They Never Know the lyrics have moments like “Love is Blind” and discussion an unconventional love, it is widely accepted to have a strong gay theme. Also special mention to their 2017 winter album “Universe” for being completely 100% gender neutral

Oh My Girl – Knock Knock Girls singing about girls

Black Nut – Beenzino Black Nut takes his fanboying for Beenzino to the next level

Jonghyun – 02:34, Monodrama, Cocktail, most of these songs have light gay themes, and make more sense when interpreted as gay. You delve even deeper into his discography and interpret them in a gay light.

Gain & Minseo - Imi Oneun Sori (The Footsteps of My Dear Love) From the OST of the Korean film The Handmaiden, which itself has lesbian themes.

NCT’s Ten - Dream in a Dream This is a bit of a reach but the inclusion of Lucas in some of the scenes of this MV is an interesting choice. Also I would like to give a shout out to NCT U (Ten & Taeyong) - Baby Don’t Stop, for being a lowkey gay tune even if nothing about it can be pointed out as explicitly gay. He has released a song called New Heroes, which lyrically talks about standing up for what you believe in and working hard to get successful whilst facing adversary, which is a great message, but with Ten’s almost meme-like status of being a “confident gay” (despite not actually being out) this song has definitely made a lot of people claim it as gay anthem, make of it as you will (I feel conflicted about this; 1. he’s not standing up for the gays as a gay person if he isn’t out and people shouldn’t pressure him to do so, especially when he is a foreigner in s.korea; 2. it’s all well and good to quietly within the fanbase to joke about confident/panicked gays, or gay icons, but it can go too far, especially when it becomes their branding and only personality trait to both fans and the broader (western) kpop fanbase. these issues also apply to many like Sunmi and Taemin.)

Twice - What is Love? The girls take turns in depicting and parodying famous cinematic couples, so fanservice based crossdressing and gayness.

and hopefully plenty more to come ~

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randomnameless · 6 years ago

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Final chapter - Chalphy to Edda to Dozel !

Seliph starts to conquer the various duchies opposing him, faces the Great Wall (tm) and ends up killing an old man.

But who will inherit the duchy?

Who cares!

(given how the Edda part was too short, i added Dozel)

AND SO,

After years of fighting, Johalva returns home and meets his last brother.

Finally Seliph finishes the Dozel story.

Again, Who cares?

We finally learn the truth about Julia!

and we all say a bif F to Lewyn

The Great Wall (tm) of Edda! Quite frankly, this part was annoying. Crusader or not, when Ced is targeted by a sleep staff, he sleeps.

maybe this wall was where Kaga thought “what if i make Staff Emblem 776 next?”

He has hard feelings even if he’s asleep! Granted, he didn’t die. Lucky him! And sorry for you, Voltz’s ripoff.

Prince Shanan isn’t being receptive. Scold him Patty! Is this a way to talk to your wife?!

SHE MADE A PIE HERE IT IS SUMIA HAD BEEN TAKING NOTES FROM PATTY’S HANDBOOK - kidding, it’s adorable but i agree with Shanan here.

Light Touch? We’re always needing gold Patty! Go and steal those fools, with your famous wind sword!

Now, he is only worried about your safety, even if he doesn’t know how to show it. he’s trying to look cool (tm) as if he was 12.

Shanan swallows his pride - he loves her (meals)!

Daw :)

what the flying fuck did you put in this Patty??

DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU’RE TALKING TO??

Shanan wants to kill people, it’s a side effect from Patty’s lunch. Did she put some berserk powder in it?

Well, he’s completely stoned

This is so evil, i love it but don’t forget, Loptyr goon, that you are too, a mortal.

Hopefully Shanan managed to break free from the berserk pie, so Leif kills an old man instead. GG Leif? Why are you talking about damnation dude, did you know you were serving under Loptyr or were you feeling bad because you were ruling over Edda when it’s kind of common knowledge that Claude was murdered by the Loptyrians?

Julius doesn’t give a fig

So maybe Claude’d be happy that his land is now safe, but Claude DID NOT gave his life for Siggy’s cause!

He was branded a traitor because he knew too much from the Blaggi Tower - not because he was a friend of Siggy! Claude and Siggy bonded because they were both branded traitors ; but under no circumstances Claude was branded a traitor because of Siggy!

Honestly Seliph, not everyone died because of Siggy!

I made a post about it earlier

Giving crap advices #1 : look after them from now on, and completely ignore Lene and Cairpre who have Blaggi blood, and their children. I’m sure it won’t bring catastrophes.

Hopefully no one can look at that screen !

Ooh! If Brian stayed in the kitchen in the castle it’d have been a pain to seize it, OTOH, by charging on Chalphy, he is more dangerous due to his high mobility and stupid stats. Our useless units (Lester) can’t survive a fight with Duke Brian.

Legendary? So that means that the peons we’ve been killing in Isaach, who were with Danan, weren’t Dozel’s finest soldiers but mere peons?

Diarmuid is the son of the man who killed Langbalt, you had no chance.

He is the one and only Dozel slayer! Granted, here, he won’t be killing Brian (because he can’t)

Murder it was, and yes, at least two generations of Dozels were killed by Chalphians “wait i’m not from chalphy i’m leif from leonster” “you’re from chalphy”

The sass! Brian doesn’t call him a traitor though, but a moron! Maybe he still sees him as family, even if he turned against his bro and his dad. It’s kind of wholesome, in a way.

Not the people of Dozel Johalva. But look, he swears to look after his Duchy! yay?

Now Brian is mad, because Johalve mentioned the people? Is it a case where Brian thinks he has the HW so the people must be behind him as the Crusader, and Johalva is spouting nonsense, or Brian being mad because Johalva completely writes him off the future Dozel scenario, meaning that he wants to fight?

You made your big bro mad - honestly, idk if it was on purpose or not, but by his sheer class, Brian is stronger than his siblings and can wreck them without his HW.

Hopefully Ced finished to sleep and uses his magic to kill him. If it weren’t for him though... I wonder how you kill him in a sub only run. He has so much def, Seliph, Ares and Shanan can make the deal?

:’(

This line makes me so sad. Wrong about what? Fighting for the Empire? Why were you even fighting, did you even know what was going on? Did you agree with your dad’s policies in Isaach?

We will never know, and we’re not supposed to give a fig.

Farewell Brian.

i’ve seen this before

stop reusins your friend’s quotes damn it!

“there is a red castle over there, i’m sure we have to seize it somehow. It’s near!”

???

I kept on seeing this all around, but did Quan in FE4 ever mentioned that he wanted to unify the peninsula?

“his GRAND vision” damn it stop putting your words in Leif’s mouth Finn!

Quan’s GRAND vision was most likely to unify the peninsula but to get rid of every Thracian from it first.

“i’ll follow you even in maps were we can’t see a thing!”

Burn in hell - i didn’t hate anyone in FE4 before playing the game but now i do - hell even Chagall is better

yes, let’s play blame the dead. Seliph has had enough of his rant, and wants to continue to listen to his story.

and i thought F!Lewyn said it earlier that the gods were the dragons?

“I can’t say for sure” yes of course :) - but if there is one thing that’s interesting about this character it’s this line “our land’ misery was caused by the power of the dragonkin”

Without HB would Langbalt not be an ass or something? i don’t think so.

Bantu traveled a lot in his younger days, he went to another world! His recollection of the journey must be one of Tiki’s favourite stories.

Naga who? And what scripture? The Blaggi bible?

Bantu = Salamand? what shape did you take, Forseti?

Just like the covenant Erik of Laus wanted to make with Hector and Eliwood!

blood rites, yes. At least it’s not as hardcore as bathing naked in a pool of blood but...

F!Lewyn is upset that Seliph isn’t into blood rites unlike his ancestor Baldur.

“humble” well they managed to survive that far, against people who could magic unlike them! So they were pretty badass!

I wonder if Blaggi was disappointed when he saw the staff - until he learnt what was its power

Sadly, not all of them.

Fell power? Here again, being judgmental when you shouldn’t. Granted, we don’t know what was Loptyr, but in this verse, and at that time, the Earth Dragons aren’t reviled as being evil; heck, Medeus is a pretty chill guy right now.

Heim used to be a priest then, but Blaggi founded the church?

OH MY GOD

MAYBE THIS IS THE REASON WHY AZMUR WANTED A MAJOR NAGA ON THE THRONE BACK IN GEN1?

IS THIS WHY BARHARA IS THE RULING HOUSE IN JUGDRAL?

I WONDER WHO THAT IS

oh wait, F!Lewyn told us back in the prologue that it was you Seliph! Remember?

THREE?? WAIT SHE MENTION JULIUS AND AN USELESS CHARACTER IN THE LATEST CHAPTER COULD IT BE

IT MUST BE THAT USELESS CHARACTER

OMG OMG OMG

JULIA IS A PRINCESS???

And how dare you claim you learnt it recently, you spent 6 years with her, when everyone heard about Princess Julia missing, you found a kid clothed with royal clothes in the middle of nowhere, who had the same name as the missing princess, and you didn’t make the link?

F!Lewyn “i was expecting Tahra to fall” can’t fool anyone

LIAR

if it was really your reaction then you would NOT have sent her in Isaach WITHOUT any weapons, not let her out of your sight for even a millisecond, knowing well that without her Judgral is DOOMED

or maybe, if he really learnt it recently he’s all “welp i treated like lester when she was actually important^^”

oh, because if she wasn’t your sister you wouldn’t need to rescue her?!

FE5!Leif wants to have some words with you two

If she isn’t a plot device i don’t what Julia is

#FE4 run #FE4 #apologies for all the capslock #but this is just frigging dumb #F!Lewyn not knowing who Julia is is just so stupid #or maybe he truly doesn't know but then i can't treat him as a tactician #he's even worse than Manfroy 'i won't kill julia' 's blunder #and fig him to 11 with his comment on Dozels #you don't know a thing #i hope Naga blasted him into oblivion when he returned to archanea #or turned him into a pile of duma-goo #I felt bad for Brian and for the old guy in Edda #at least Johalva managed to talk to his bro #poor guy #he tries to do what's best #and F!Lewyn calls him a disgrace #Julia's identity is the biggest plothole of the Jugdral Saga #at least Leif and Nanna's moment was cute #just like Patty with Shanan who desperatly tries to look cool

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tenecity · 6 years ago

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from lovers to haters: xiao gui

from lovers to haters—a series where nine percent and you have the cliche, typical love story

cr @aestheticninepercent this was so good i had to add it in

au; bck with the hogwartss also the ages r messed up dbdkisjs

[AT THE START]

so we're bck with this hogwarts bullshit again bc they hve headgirls and headboys

and hey you

yes you

youre the headgirl!!

youre honoured but also kinda burderned i mean headgirl's gotta do alot of things you knw

like sorting out the schedules for prefects, prefect meetings, organising events and also sorting through detentions

which is what ure doing rn in the library

you flip thru the records and your eyes widen

god, how bad must this boy be?

his name literally appeared 10 times for this sem alone

1st; came late for class. 2nd; skipped class. 3rd; made out with a girl in the corridor inappropriate was written in bold red. 4th; called snape a twat ×1. 5th; called snape a twat ×2. 6th; snape is annoyed at his mere existence. 7th; moved the paintings. 8th......

and the list goes on

you shake your head

how can someone be so undisciplined and pay no heed to the school rules?

at this rate, he cld get expelled

"what are you looking at?" a kind, soothing voice snapped you out of ur thoughts.

you look up and smile at ziyi, the head boy.

"this person. xiao gui. you know him?" you point at the name neatly written on the paper.

ziyi nods, a smile playing on his lips.

"he's in trouble again i see." taking a seat next to you, he explains abt how he knws this brat. "he's my seatmate. not a bad guy,, just, he doesnt really pay attention to the rules."

you roll your eyes. not a bad guy? yea right. not paying attention to the school rules is a sign of rebellion, no discipline, no moral compass etc. you didnt like these kind of pple

its like they never rlly cared abt anyth, completely in their own world, selfish

like eg. moving the paintings changes the entire landscape and confuses them. it takes a lot of work to put them bck.

you frown, tasting sour in yr mouth. how could he hve done tt to those sweet paintings?

[SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN]

patrol time! bc thats where everyth happens

you patrolling with chengcheng, another prefect when you see a shadow slip down the corridor.

chengcheng saw it too but he is alr giving you the 'youre-older-you-do-it' look

so you sigh and despite yr fear of the dark, you bravely follow the shadow

right turn, left turn, left turn, right turn

where the hell is this person gg????

you find yrself in the garden at the most remote corners of hogwarts.

youve seen this one in the maps of the sch grounds but nvr did actl come here.

its beautiful. red roses give a vibrancy and seemingly glow under the moonlight, willows blowing softly, asleep. its tranquil.

until you see the mysterious shadow and you roll yr eyes, running through a list in your head on who this idiot could possibly be.

“wang linkai?”

the boy whips around and flashes you a grin and whoopsies heart attacc activated

“ah, gosh you got me scared shitless for a second head girl. thought you were snape or some cheeky ghost.” you roll yr eyes. what irony.

“what are you doing here?”

he points to a small, black kitten with the most kindest, chocolate eyes ever. “i’m feeding her?” he says it with a tone like he is talking to some dumb 5 year old and the crease on yr forehead deepens.

you squint at the cat, and by reflex, retract yr hands as it meows at you. you wrinkle your nose.

“what, you don’t like cats?”

“it’s more like, i don’t like people-who-break-the-school-rules because they make my life difficult” you send a retort back.

“go back to your dorm now, wang linkai, before i book you.”

he shrugs. “hey, this kitten got abandoned at hogsmeade. it had no one to take care of it so being a nice, kind soul,” he shoots your a glare,”i decided that i will take care of it. book me if you want, head girl. you probably already know i wouldnt care, considering my record.”

you puff out air. he’s right about that.

“yes, but you need to go back to the dorms now before someone else’s catches you and gives out a heavier punishment.” you try the ‘im pretending to care’ tactic.

“awh, the princess cares about me?” he says it mockingly as he strokes the kitten and carefully picks it up, hugging it close to his chest, eyes never leaving yours as they send you a challenging stare.

“im going to say it one last time, wang linkai. go, or else-”

“or else what, princess?” his eyes are gleaming and full of mischief. seeing how riled up you are, he slips past you so quickly, you couldn’t even hold him bck, taking in only the sweet scent that clings to his robes.

my heart goes boom boom boom

sending you one last grin, he slips back into the darkness.

you let out a breath you never knew you were holding

[AT THE END OF THE DAY]

turns out, ever since that day, you end up meeting him every night, in the garden, trying to convince him to go back to the dorms, but then fail miserably as you get entranced by his stubborn character.

he’s not a bad person. sure, he is stubborn, he is incredibly opinionated it is annoying, but he is sweet, kind, helpful and genuinely cares for his friends.

its hard to not admire such a person, especially when you are on the other side of the spectrum, finding it hard to always be selfless, sweet and kind and helpful.

“are you seriously scared of cats? of this adorable thing?” he says as he holds up the kitten and stuffs it into your face, eyes widened in mock surprise.

you frown and push away the kitten who only whines and grumpily retreats to the arms of his/her owner.

“i don’t like cats”

“why not?”

“because they are shady”

“no they are not”

“yes they are.”

“no”

“yes”

“oh shut up, why are we bickering over this?”

“because,” he says it matter-of-factly, “they are cute creatures.”

you roll your eyes as you pull your knees to your chest. “yea right.”

“dude, seriously-”

“why do you want to know so much?” you snap back. he reels back in shock, hands thrown up in surrender.

“why are you so riled up, princess?”

“don’t call me princess.” you mumble as you stand up.

a hand catches yours, fingers ghosting between the spaces of your own.

“im sorry if i made you uncomfortable.” he pulls himself up and looks at you in the eye, not covering up his remorse at all.

“its.... its fine. im sorry i snapped. i just, um, when i was younger,” you start as you walk towards a bench, linkai right at your tail.

“my parents were really famous, really good wizards. they did extremely well. head of the ministry. but they had a colleague who, um, was jealous of them. especially of my dad, because apparently, that guy loved my mother since she was a kid.”

you take a deep breath, and close your eyes, drinking in the gentle caresses on the back of your hand that are calming you down.

“he shape shifted into a cat. i thought the cat looked cute so i brought him home.”

“he burned down everything, he hexed my father, he strangled my mother and then burned himself to the ground.”

“he left me alive, saying he wanted our family blood to experience the hurt and pain he went through.” you breath out. only then do you realise that linkai is gently wiping the tears that have unknowingly flowed down your face.

“so yea,” you say as you wipe your own tears, eyelids fluttering open. “that’s why i hate cats.” you shyly look at him, wondering how he will react. he just nods, before giving a smile that doesnt quite meet his eyes.

“my turn to tell a story. do you want to know why i call you princess?”

you flush at his words, but reply anyway. “why?”

“because of this.” he presses his full lips against yours, gently molding them, kissing every part of your chapped lips.

you clench your hands as you drown yourself into his lips, mesmerised and entranced by his enchanting being.

his fingers find yours and slowly opens them, weaving his fingers with yours as he presses one last kiss on your forehead, before pulling away, blushing hard.

“so yea,” he softly says, head down. “that’s why i call you princess.” you laugh at how shy he is. so rare, so uncommon, so precious.

your lips find their way back on his as you breathe out “my prince”.

pt 2

#from haters to lovers #xiao gui #wang linkai #he needs to stay in his lane #someone tell him to stop being so cute iTS ANNOYING

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sainadazai · 4 years ago

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When your crush is angry all the time

Ch. 2

Ch.2

DontCryDontCryDontCry

°•○●○•°•○●○•°•○●○•°•○●○•°•○●○•

Y/n pov

First day at U.A. high. This is actually going to be so sick, think of all the boys and girls and weird quirks. Best of all I get to meet boom boom. Hopefully I don't do that thing where I think about him so much I forget we don't know each other, that would be embarrassing.

I smile to myself as I approach the tall building with students flooding in and out. A couple of kids seemed to notice how strange I looked, I didn't have the uniform yet because my mother refused to let me have it. She told me I'd have to get it from her during school so she could show her students how dope her kid was.

Not sure if I should be flattered though. Mom always compliments me like I actually did something to have the power I have. When really all I did was not die. Usually the interaction goes -

"Oh my god, honey you are so fucking cool, look how good you control your quirk, you train so hard!"

"Yea mom, it's crazy how after psychopaths try to breed you at ten years old you learn a thing or two about combat."

Then her face falls into a deadpan to cover her guilt and we move on. Sarcasm is honestly one of my all time favorite coping strategies. Like you can even make it better by not making any facial expression so people's minds are just fully fucked.

My outfit couldn't feel more out of place right now, but I obviously notice the profuse blushing of boys and girls as I make my way through the halls of U.A. If my bestie was here I'm sure people would be fainting, since she makes a habit of dressing in fishnets and chains. I guess I could wear clothes like that but im tired most of the time. So if I don't have to dress up, I won't.

However that doesn't mean I still don't look good. Well, at least I think I do...

This morning I was lazy so I just threw on Baggio black jeans, a cropped tee, and a baseball jersey that I got from when I flew with my dad to America. We watched the game together, but I kinda zoned out the whole time. Of Course I added a couple chains just in case I get to be on top of somebody. Hehe call that ✨funcional fashion✨

Dw of course I took a picture in the morning to post on insta and brag to my old friends about how I got out of that hell.

I rushed in a door that said 1-b just before I heard a bell go off. The door shut behind me with a loud thud the second the bell stopped. That is one way to get attention, I guess. I didn't even care to take in the faces of the students in front of me. After all, I was only here for one reason. I skimmed the room trying to find that ominous glare, but to no avail. My first thought was that maybe he wasn't in class today. That was before I peeked out the window of the door and realized there were more than one hero classes here.

If he is in the other class, I'll just have to be in there too. Is this stalking? Yes. Will it end badly? Probably yes. However, do I have anything to really lose? Nope. Not a single thing.

"Katsuki Bakugou." I figured I'd say it out loud with a Stern face, just to see if the teacher would be intimidated enough to take me to him.

The teacher and the rest of the class visibly tensed at my stare, but apparently I wasn't intimidating enough.

"Whatever business you have can be settled after class. Now, students, this is the newest addition to class 1-b y/n l/n."

"No."

"Pardos me Ms. L/n"

"I said no, im not gonna be an addition to your dumb class" I mocked him

He then sent me a very odd face, in which he pursed his lips but simultaneously glanced at his students in fear. I suppose they might not be pleased at my rejection, but that's irrelevant. I'm not here for them.

"Oh, so you think you're too good for us!? Huh?"

"Yes."

"Class 1-a scum can have you, you vial worthless, dumb, fat, stup-"

Some angry blonde kid was interrupted by an aggressive bonk on his head. I glanced to his side and made eye contact with a girl, she was quite pretty, but not prettier than boom boom.

"Cool, okay so i'm gonna go to the other class then....sir?"

"Pft, you wish. Sit down. Now."

"I literally didn't ask dude...sir."

"Adding sir doesn't make what you're saying any less disrespectful, now sit down."

I pouted a bit in realization that he wasn't as dense as the police usually are. However that didnt mean I wanted to listen. Plus if I got in trouble, that might be even more fun.

"Again. No."

Suddenly I felt a hard push on my back, I fell to the floor and felt a foot pushed against my back.

"Nooo.Mom, please. Not right now."

"I came here to teach historia you brat."

She took her other leg and swung it back, leaving all her body weight on my back. Then launched it forward to meet with my side just as she took her top foot off my back. I felt the contact of her boot on my bare side and felt the tingle of what I assume is pain rattle through my left side, to my right. Only to be cut off when a new sore of pain spread through my back.

That was what I assumed was my body slamming against the front wall of the class. I kept my eyes clenched shut the whole time, only flinching the impact of the wall. I bounced right off and landed on the floor.

"Yea...okay," I said between groans.

*timeskip*

Lunch

Midoriya pov 😗

It was finally lunch time after miss midnight taught us history. It wasn't my favorite subject, but I still look at pretty good notes. I'll be sure to read over them later in case we have a pop quiz or something.

This lunch period is kinda more exciting than usual because I heard rumors that there is a new hero course student, and new additions don't happen often, so he is probably really good.

After getting my food from lunch rush, I rushed over to my table where me, uraraka, iida, and todoroki sit everyday.

I plopped the food down onto the table and followed by sitting down and saying hi to my friends. It didn't take that long into their strange conversation about water volcanoes and cheese for me to zone them out in search of the new face.

I don't really know everyone at U.A. that would be crazy. Still, I feel like I have enough knowledge to spot an obviously new face. Plus he is probably with the 1-b students right now. I scan over the whole lunch room, eager to say hi, but I don't see any new guys, or any new faces at all.

Maybe the rumors were just rumors. That's really a bummed, I was hoping I could get yet another cool quirk to write about in my journal.

Most of lunch was spent with my friends talking about weird things called memes (he calls them me me's) and me trying desperately to find the new guy.

Until lunch was just about to end and in came a girl out of uniform, but she seemed to hold one in her hand. She looked fairly (tall/short) and had pretty (h/l) white hair. It seemed almost to glow as she walked in. To me the whole scene played slow motion, her hair bouncing up and down as she walked and the sports baggy jeans risking and falling. They teasingly revealed her belly button every other step as they lifted and sunk.

I sorta wished she would have just put her uniform on because I feel pretty stupid for staring at her belly button.

Her face was pretty too, catching the light above on her cheek bones(im sorry if u dont have prominent ones, just take out bones and leave it as cheeks) making her seem shiny.

I felt my face heat up uncontrollably before I felt a nudge on my thigh.

"Hey deku, I heard that the new girl is actually a midnight daughter. She is in class b, and I guess this morning midnight kicked her against a wall." Uraraka whispered in my ear, loud enough for just the people at our table to hear.

Now that I think about it, everyone was whispering.

"Midnight's daughter. Wahhh! Then she must have a quirk like midnights. If she does then it'll be hard for our classes to keep up with her. Midnights quirk is strong and considering the already rising testosterone level in the boys in 1st year, we could all-"

"Shut up you damn nerd"

I cut off my rambling and looked up to make eye contact with kachan. Why is he even over here? Is he here to beat me up? Or to get ochako?

"Katsuki, that's not nice, plus he is right, what if she can seduce us."

Kachan only furrowed his brows, however me, iida, and even todoroki a little went red with the image in our minds.

"Izuuukuuu"

"Baby, why do you keep looking at my belly button"

"Do you wanna show me how cool your quirk is"

"Nn Gg plus u-ultra"

Oh no. No. No. No. No. Well....wait. no.

I took a quick glance back at the girl who had halted her movements. She seemed like she was frozen and had a big, wide smile plastered on her face. It was pretty cute. Like a little kid looking at candy.

It almost felt like she was looking at me, but I didn't wanna wave, in case she wasn't.

"Oh my, holy fuck, I knew this would pay off!!!!" She yelled, not even minding that the whole cafeteria now had eyes on her.

She began running over to ...my table? Again it was slow motion, and again I kept looking at her stomach. I guess I don't see girls in short shirts often. I felt myself un-blush forcibly just for, you know, protection from bullies.

"Boom boom, shit, I Promised I wouldn't do that. Fuck it. Hi, im l/n y/n and you are boom boom. Wait...."

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING POOP YOU FUCKING EXTRA!"

My eyes can't pick who to look at and they keep going back and forth between the girl and kachan as they ....communicate.

"No I called you boom boom." She dead panned

"THE FUCK, YOU THINK YOUR CLEVER ON SUM SHIT?"

"Well, I am, and I do." Again the girl seemed completely serious.

"WHO THE-"

"Wait, let's go back. You call people extras? Like in a movie, so then you think your the star."

"I AM THE FUCKING STAR YOU WORTHLESS PIECE O-"

"Babe, that's so much better! You're conceited too." She gushed

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING BA-" bakugou almost launched forwards but ochako grabbed his arm to pull him back.

"You are kinda loud, but I guess that makes sense. Hey! I know, tell me something about yourself"

"STOP FUCKING INTERUPTING ME!"

"Oh, my bad hon, go on." She looked up at him like...oh. He is the candy she was looking at.

"Fucking hell, im not your babe or your hun, extra. I'm not telling you shit about myself. Fuck you think this is, the sharing circle?"

The girl didn't speak for a minute, her face was quick to go from anticipating, to confused. What was she confused about?

"I have a new idea" she instantly had a change of aura and her serious face remained, with one eyebrow cocked.

She lifted her hand and pointed a finger at bakugou, then slowly walked forward.

"How. About. You. Tell me what you are sharing..." she winked "circle is."

I noticed that Ochaco , who was now a coward behind the kachan , flushed red. I don't think she was for the same reason as everyone else though. I could tell she was trying to be angry, but seemed to be failing. Bakugou seemed to notice this too.

I wonder why this girl is flirting with him right now, and what was with that nickname.

"H-hey. Um do you two know each other or something."

"No" they replied simultaneously.

"I-um..huh?"

"Oh, right, my bad. Hi, I already introduced my name, but I should explain. You are the attractive fire quirk boy I saw at the sports festival. When I saw how angry you looked, and the fucking DOPE aura you gave off, I begged to get transfered here. Got in on recomendaciones so I could meet you." She said not seeming to care about how truly creep that all sounds.

"THE FUCK, YOU STALKER!ILL KILL YOU!" kachan screamed, subtly grabbing onto his girlfriend's hand, I suppose an effort to comfort her without being 'nice'

"Hm? Oh...yeah. Well, you could say I am like a stalker. However, for a stalker i'm very pretty, so if you could just ignore that..."

"YOU AREN'T PRETTY BRAT, GO SUCK A DICK AND GET OUT OF HERE!"

"Well, that is what I came to you for..." she, again, had a serious aura change and a cocked eyebrow, this time retracting her finger to put her hands in her pockets.

"I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND YOU SLUT"

"Woah, woah, hey, calm down"

I get that he is trying to be protective, but calling a girl a slut is never okay. I wish I could fight back more, but it's not every hero- like to do so without talking first.

"SHUT UP NERD"

After that small exchange everybody's attention fell back to the girl. I think her name was y/n. She looked a bit defeated, I could tell she had a crush on kachan, even if it was small. Her face is blank but usually in situations like this girls get all...tears eyed and. Oh no.

I stood up right next to her.

"Dontcrydontcrydontcrydontcry"

"Huh?" She looked over at me confused.

"Dont cry?"

"Why would I cry?"

"Because he has a girlfriend" Ochaco seemed to be making her way out from behind kachan, also a bit nervous for if y/n was to get sad.

"Oh, uhm, I guess i'll just have to be the better person for him or something?" She ...asked herself.

"I've never done this before, but the look in your eyes has a fire behind it, and I wanna see it up close. I'm not gonna give up, we only spoke this once and that's definitely not enough." She made eye contact with him the whole time. Even stated her words like fact. Now, it may have just been me, but he almost smirked.

"That's all, see you in class later!" In class? She is in 1-b? Did she transfer?

Ochaco was now side by side with bakugou looking furious at the new girl. While I eerily peeked up at him and his scary red eyes. They did a quick, up and down movement...I don't think anyone else could have seen it, but I did. Then he went down again and stayed there a bit, he was looking straight past me, so I turned.

There I saw...the new girls butt! He? He checked out her- oh no. Why do I feel like this is the start of something terrible for me....

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Hello new readers, it is me...the autor. Anyone who is ready for this is my favorite bc I don't get many ready. Also sorry for the horny midoriya, if I'm making the characters not innocent, he isnt an exception lmao.

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gayregis · 5 years ago

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OK first episode reactions

OHHH that was THE KIKIMORE............... im glad we get to see the fight because i mean. i would want some money for doing that crazy shit too. also you noticed how he killed the deer because he was probably starving.

the moment of hesitation before he enters the tavern......... OK... [jaskier or yennefer voice] dont you just wanna stroke his gross dirty white hair

wait the uhhhh... “tavern scene” occurs in the witcher right, so i dont have to be scared bc this is the lesser evil, right, right, maybe not, idk what theyre switching around

the fucking cease of noise as geralt walks in.... the MOOD

cavill is like way too fine to be playing geralt rn i mean this shot where he says point me to the aldermans house is really showing off his profile. i feel sympathetic for this pretty pretty man

oh im regretting not rereading the lesser evil right now. i cant remember WHAT the fuck happens in that story. he goes to stregobor first though right??? right? he meets with the alderman and the dude’s like nah you cant get shit for that kikimore head, but maybe this wizard will give ya smth

my lesbianisms thinking renfri is pretty VS my morality knowing what shes like VS my witcher fan knowing what the hell happens in this story.... fight

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE RENFRI SO PRETTY!!!!!!! shes SO pretty and cute..... yall are making me like her fuck you fuck you SO hard.

the voice acting is sending me kind of... this is actually a good geralt voice imo if you dont mind me saying that. i still prefer polish tw3 dub but this is actually better than fuckin delvin mallory in the audiobooks. no disrespect, peter kenny, you did dandelion and yennefer and the hansa well, but geralt..... hm....

okay jk actually i need more geralt lines in order to develop my thoughts on his voice. ill wait until edge of the world where he SHOULD be more talkative

are we really going to stregobor’s fucking tower where a naked woman illusion waits on him and he offers to give geralt a go at this basically fuck doll illusion

“where are you from, geralt?” “rivia.” SURE.... YOU LIAR...... liar .... just WAIT until baptism of fire oooohhh just you wait

also this girl marilka is so sweet, also makes me think because milva said she was called that by some. but thats why she changed her name to milva

“because girls cant be witchers right” OK you reminded me 50% of ciri but now youre literally just proto-ciri

oh.... no foolery with the magic door knocker?

YEP I WAS RIGHT WE GOT NAKED LADIES!

wow this exactly what i pictured the inside of stregobor’s tower to be like lmaooo

WHY DOESNT GERALT KNOW STREGOBOR???????

oh its so weird to see ciri like. like old at cintra you know what im saying . like im like wait wait how is she alive if geralt hasnt been there as ravix yet. not BAD just weird for me

“speak normally” this reminds me of in bounds of reason dandelions like should i give the account in verse or in prose and then he starts speaking with the most flowery prose and geralts like PROSE prose please

“if you had been alive during falkas rebellion” please dont mention falka already we’re moving too fast soon enough leo fucking bonhart will be at our heels!

“and she possesses the power to destroy us all” “i dont believe anyone has that power.” WAIT UNTIL YOU MEET YOUR DAUGHTER DUDE LOL

wow he’s really full body dressed in black leather. huh . and people say hes heterosexual fml

okay i thought them calling the girls “girl” was kinda tender in the series but now its even more tender when heard aloud.

eist is like really present here and i like him enough its just that calanthe was like way more important than him in the series though right

“it needs to rhyme” and “pretty ballads hide bastard truths” so are we really just stealing every clever word that jaskier can say before he even comes into it

LOL CIRI LESBIAN LIKE WE DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO GET TO ANY OF THE OTHER BOOKS..... she said BEGONE HET!

OH I LOVE HOW THEY CONTEXTUALIZE IT SO WE KNOW THIS SHIT IS TAKING PLACE IN THE PAST..... WOW GERALT IS OLD AS HELL LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO calanthe was like 14 then right so LOLLLL GERALTS OLD AND TIRED lol

me: is a regis fan / also me: GERALT IS A SHITTY OLD BITCH LMAOO

uh oh spaghettios! its nilfgaard and one of their fun funky officers, son of ceallach! i havent seen him yet but im terrified anyways!

okay see this is how you do a PROPER adaptation. calanthe in the books committed suicide so she wouldnt be r*ped right as she sat in a stupid castle but this calanthe is on the fucking battlefield. this is why we stan middle aged women

eist: [dies] me: AAAAAA cahir: [is there Waiting] (i think its him maybe) me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ah fuck ah fuck fuck

ciri: why [is nilfgaard attacking] ? calanthe knowing DAMN WELL stupid fucking duny is her dad: uhHHhhHhH idk lol

“you will rule this land someday” nope again! [thinks about lady of the lake] nope and nope!

ciri’s “are you dying?” to calanthe on her deathbed is the new “was he human” yennefer asking if regis (as a giant fucking bat) was human

i love how looongggg these episodes areee omgg

but also i always thought of the fall of cintra as something you know like. it happened in two shakes, cahir kinda just took ciri up by her underarms (like longcat) and left

OHHHH THEY IMPROVED THIS SCENE SO MUCH I WAS HOPING WE’D GET THIS OMG OMG BUT INSTEAD OF TELLING SOME YOUNG GIRL WHICH HAD WEIRD KINDA GROSS CHEMISTRY WITH HIM ROAVCH GETS TO HEAR IT!!! THIS IS HOW YOU DO AN ADAPTATION YAYY

renfri: who were you talking to? geralt: .. my horse.......... all of the fans: [dialing 1-800-TROUBADOUR immediately]

ugh i really thought they were gonna adapt the sex between renfri and geralt out. ugh ugh . too much heterosexuality

WHOA. HOLD THE FUCK UP. HOLD> HE FUCK UP. CALANTHE ADVISED CIRI TO TAKE MERCY. THATS LITERALLY FORESHADOWING FOR WHEN SHE CHOOSES NOT TO SLAY CAHIR AT THANEDD. WOW. WHAT THE FUCK WOW. WOW’

ciri you are gonna regret stalling so hard when mr. ceallach marches in. just saying. RUN.

CAHIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRR I ALMOST SCREAMED AND TORE MY STITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uh.... ok...................... hm not what happened in the books.... where ciri is shot off in the midst of battle and crawls up next to a dead man and acts dead ........ lol cahir is even more evil now how is this possible i didnt think he could get MORE evil

[cahir voice] he deflected the arrow with his sword! ive never seen anything like it!

also have i said already that the cinematography is amazing. like the room where calanthe was on her deathbed.... that renfri dream was pretty cool too... just a lot of things are very pleasing to the eye

due to a injury in the carotid artery blood would be gushing everywhere. also is she prophecizing ciri? stop this there are already so many women in the witcher universe that give prophecy. theres like the girl in baptism of fire, ciri, everyone in ciri’s bloodline, and now renfri?

LOOOOLLLL THE HORSE

cahir: nice, GG guys, im gonna go get that cool promotion now, this will be epic, my mom will be SO proud of me-- ciri: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA cahir: OH FUUUUCKKK

well that’s MUCH MORE of a report to file with your superior officers! “yeah so the girl fucking opened up a hole in the earth” instead of “ahh idk i fell asleep and when i woke up she wasnt there :/” .... cahir really is not getting that promotion now, huh

okay yall can say whatever you want about cavill as geralt but when he said “do not touch her” and moved his mouth like that? oh geraltisms.

this is a really nice episode i like how it just went into the action i wasnt convinced at first but ah this is quite nice. i like how it has JUST geralt and ciri in it and later yennefer will come in as her mom. renfri prophecizing was actually pretty ok, at first i thought i wouldnt like the change, but it makes it easier to digest for television. i like how they really emphasize that geralt is hated to all hell, and that ciri is powerful yet still babie. this is a good portrayal of both of them in these stages of their lives you know what im saying. also is cahir gonna chase ciri now for those Good Boy Black Rider points? bc there were shots of him in a forest. ah well whatever lets move to the next episode

#twn spoilers #thats what im tagging as yall #maj watches twn

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bimmykimmy · 7 years ago

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gg sneeze headcanons! go!

You’re singing my kind of tune! ok here i go…

Arin - we kinda already know how his sneezes sound because he sneezes quite a lot so I’m gonna say it’s the obnoxious dad sneeze but instead of incoherent nonsense of a sound, it’s more of a “HAAH PEW!!!” Lots of spittle

Danny - often loses his sneezes and gets frustrated about it. but when he does sneeze it’s not too invasive to your ear drums (unlike arin’s) and usually has to blow his nose afterwards

Ross - holds his sneezes in so it makes the nasal-y sound and always makes a really pained look after

Suzy - teeny tiny kitten sneeze but does like 8 in a row always. everyone says “bless you” the first two times and then “shut the hell up” every time after

Barry - the infamous speed sneezer™ they come out of nowhere and he has no time to cover his mouth or dab. they’re like bullet sneezes, my dude. loud and fast like a damn bottle rocket. doesn’t even make a visible inhale of breath just BAM!! sneeze

Brian - dad sneeze (ofc) but even more powerful than arin’s. one time someone got sneezed on by brian? never saw them again. his name was bevin or something

Jon - literally the words “heh choo.” people often think he’s faking it

#game grumps #arin hanson #danny avidan #ross o'donovan #suzy berhow #barry kramer #brian wecht #jon jafari #long post #I LOVE SNEEZE HEADCANONS OKAY #kimmy speaks #also hey i have wifi again i was gone for a week in case anyone noticed

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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years ago

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Survey #98

“white trash, get down on your knees.”

have you ever lied to a person of authority? what did you say? i mean, i've lied to my parents. and i don't know, multiple things that don't immediately come to my head. are your eyebrows darker than your hair? yeah. what do you prefer, lasagna or spaghetti and meatballs? spaghetti w/ meatballs. i don't like lasagna because of the cheese. are all your pets micro chipped? no, but they have tags. would you ever cope in a jail? NO. i would be depressed out of my SENSES. have you ever seen an alligator in person? in zoos as well as the wild. when hurricane floyd like ruined everything, the zoo flooded and was essentially destroyed. apparently, an alligator got out, because i saw one in the ditch once shortly after the hurricane. that zoo was never rebuilt. do you live across from a corn field? no, but i once lived across from a tobacco field. welcome to nc. how long have you been tattooed? if you’re not, do you want to get tattooed? i got my first for my 18th birthday, so a few years. are you a liberal? not mostly, but i have some liberal traits, ex. i support gay marriage. were you fearless or a coward in the face of the child hunter in "chitty chitty bang bang?" i'm pretty sure he scared me. i don't remember much about the movie. did you ever hit anything while learning to drive? i literally almost immediately hit a curb lol. jeff foxworthy, bill engvall, ron white, or larry the cable guy? i enjoy them all, but jeff's gotta top the list. have you or a pet ever gotten a tapeworm? no. i would rather die than get one. i am deathly afraid of internal parasites. do you know any furries? yes. i once lived with two of 'em. do you ever worry about your future? (i.e.: college, marriage, kids, etc) yes. more than anything, i worry about what my job situation is going to be like. do you snore? steal the covers? roll around in your sleep? I STEAL THE FUCK OUT OF COVERS is the lion the best character in "the wizard of oz?" i actually like the scarecrow. would you immediately look for someone right after you broke up with your bf/gf? no. it just doesn't seem... right. if you became a doctor, would you help your patients kill themselves? no. just. no. do you tell your best friend EVERYTHING? no. do you have someone who you can be your complete self around? only sara and connie. have you ever tried to learn another language? how did it go? i took four years of german, and i got to the point where i was pretty fluent. it's atrophied all to hell though. have you ever shared a house with a significant other? an apartment, yes. do you have a crush on anyone? tell me about them. i'm dating whom i have a crush on. have you ever had something signed by someone famous? what and who? no. i think. does your father have any facial hair? he has a van dyke beard/mustache. have you ever felt like you were making a mistake when dating someone? oh boy, have i. did you continue the relationship or end it when you realized? ended it. do you think you look similar to your siblings? we have some similarities. ex., we all have the same shade of brown hair naturally. have you ever played cards against humanity? did you like it? oh my actual god, one time when i was at colleen's, we did as a family. we all had a couple drinks, so it was funnier than it should've been. closest i have EVER been to peeing myself. however, it's not as funny with subsequent plays, because you know what cards to expect. do you know anyone who’s lived through a natural disaster? yeah, me and many family members and friends. hurricanes are a common occurrence in nc. how many brothers/sisters do you have? two immediate sisters, one half-brother, three half-sisters. are you lactose intolerant? no. would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? dude i am the weirdest mix of both lol. how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. they are wonderful ways of expression. i just find some piercings aesthetically pleasing on certain people, while tattoos are how you can easily paint the picture of your life on yourself. list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. i've only been to one, and that was alice cooper. it was very fun, despite thunderstorming the whole time. have you ever been on drugs for anxiety, depression, mental illness? i have been since the 6th grade and i still am. do you like green apples? only if they're crisp. have you ever had a guinea pig for a pet? yes. squeak, harry potter, snickers, and one other whose name i've forgotten... do you shop at hot topic? yes. have you ever studied any new age or occult religions such as wicca? no, but they intrigue me, especially wicca. would you rather be a boy or girl? a girl. do you prefer to be around introverted or extroverted people? introverted. not trying to generalize here, but i find they tend to be more insightful. what do you think makes you a good girlfriend or boyfriend? i'm devoted and loyal as fuck, very loving, and will emotionally support a partner through thick and thin. what do you think makes you a bad girlfriend or boyfriend? one, my anxiety and insecurity. i've also never encountered this situation before, but i honestly feel that i'd get pretty jealous if he ever hung out with another girl platonically, because i'm immensely paranoid. like do not get me wrong, i wouldn't prevent him from doing it, i'd just be very worried. an issue i'm sure a lot of people would have with me is the fact i'm a pretty big prude. has anyone written a song or a piece of poetry about you? yeah. but i can virtually guarantee he used it on other girls. how many drinks does it take for you to become drunk? i wouldn't know, considering i've never been drunk. i was relatively tipsy after four bottles of very mild alcohol, though. do you admire brutal honesty? sometimes. other times it is completely unnecessary. what is your party trick? hiding out in the background somewhere, playing with your pet. <-- THIS haha <<< SAME if you had a mental disorder, what would it be? i'm diagnosed with chronic depression, general anxiety & social anxiety, ptsd (which i think i'm recovered from), and i've heard both bipolar ii and borderline personality disorder. do you think the "paranormal activity" movies were scary? no. i actually liked them. do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? i'm honestly very passive, so aggressive. the last time you drank with someone else or more than one person who was in the worst shape? chelsea always is. she takes two bottles of light alcohol and she's vomiting lol. what would you say is the worst part of high school, period? you're going through it in arguably the biggest time of your life. you are constantly changing and developing and going through so much mentally. you're still figuring out who you want to be. not to mention, you're expected to make huge decisions, all the while still having to ask to go to the bathroom. you have so much responsibility just all of the sudden while your brain is morphing a lot. are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? no. too much responsibility. not to mention they try to get into everything; you can't turn away for two seconds. what is the worst name a friend has ever called you? do you remember? probably just "bitch" or something along the line. no friend has ever called me one to my face, but i can literally guarantee some have. ACTUALLY. to my face, i was called a martyr by my ex's friend after the break-up. and i'm certain he didn't mean it as in "you'd die for your beliefs," he meant it as in "hey you pretend it's the apocalypse to get sympathy." which is entirely fucking untrue about me. that honestly hurt a lot and it still sticks with me. it honestly made me more uncomfortable to express my feelings. do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? i can't stand colleen's mom because she's a grade-a bitch, and her dad makes me uncomfortable, but he's not creepy. what is your least favorite word? i literally abhor the word "cunt." hurts to even type. what turns you on? various, pretty normal stuff. what turns you off? the usual stuff - bad hygiene, bad manners, etc <–Yep. <<<< I agree. <<<<< same. have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? i've had one since the 6th grade. have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? not a legitimate crush, no. who is your celebrity crush? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) who is your most loyal friend? i honestly feel like connie. we've literally never fought, and she's always been there.

why are you happy, if you even are?

because i've come so far in my recovery that i have no excuse to complain.

is there a secret you’ve never told your parents?

yes.

what do you think of when you hear the name mark?

lol you know exactly who i think of.

kristin?

no one.

zoe?

only the best character from "ssx tricky"

jamie?

no one.

adam?

alex shepherd's dad from "silent hill: homecoming"

carmen?

the best dancer that was ever at the dance studio i used to go to

do you like fluffy yogurts?

NO. i CANNOT do the texture.

don’t you hate that you have to watch the baby being born in health class?

i actually never did. but i physically wouldn't have been able to. i would've 100% shielded my eyes.

what’s the earliest memory you have?

walking out into the living room with my stuffed baby bunny and seeing ashley play "medievil" (i'm pretty sure that's how they spelled it). we all used to love that game. we only had the demo disc, though.

do you ever say “fail” when people mess up?

no, but i usually say "gg" lol

how important is it for a significant other to be good with kids?

not all that important considering i don't want any, but simultaneously, i certainly wouldn't tolerate them being mean to kids.

what was the last thing that hurt your feelings? was it warranted or do you think you just took it too personally?

i'd rather just not talk about it, but yeah, it was warranted.

what is your dad’s name?

kenneth, but everyone calls him ken.

does your mother have a sister? if so, what's her name?

... wait,

does

she? i don't think so, actually... maybe...

is your favorite color the same as when you were a kid?

not exactly; my first favorite color was just normal red, now it's maroon.

who last grabbed your ass?

chelsea lol

have you ever been called a slut/whore?

no, because i am literally the direct opposite. well correction, chelsea, colleen, and alex have playfully, but none of them have ever meant it. we all call each other shit names lol. all in love<3

who is your favorite foreign singer/musician?

rammstein. they have amazing music and their lyrics are usually pretty cool.

do you ever get mad at people for not having the same opinion as you (ie abortion being wrong/right, meat-eating being wrong/right)?

no. i enjoy people having different opinions. grow the fuck up and let people think differently.

do you edit any of your pictures? in what ways?

yes. i tend to do general things, like color correction and basic enhancement. sometimes i do more, particularly if it's legitimate photography of mine, in which case i tend to either bump up or desaturate the colors.

who do you know personally that has a nice singing voice?

colleen

what months were you and your siblings born in?

as far as immediate siblings, april and june, and i was born in february.

do you prefer prince or michael jackson?

jackson. i was never into prince.

do you like spring rolls?

yeah. ruby tuesday's has the best.

when was the last time you painted something?

it's been about a year.

name one favorite thing to do with kids while babysitting.

if they're old enough, i love to teach them how to play games from my childhood. if not, idk. i just in general don't like watching kids.

what kind of things do you post on tumblr?

rhett&link + markiplier stuff, mostly. but i also reblog some funny stuff, plus meerkat pictures.

what band would you stand in line for 24 hours to see?

none.

name the three biggest things that make up you.

passion, anxiety, dank memage. *finger guns*

what song is your ‘anthem’?

the song "that's what you get" by paramore reminds me most of myself, particularly the line "i drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating."

which movie villain do you find the most terrifying?

hmmm. a number. i find christabella laroache from the "silent hill" moving frightening (no, i'm not being biased) because she's like the queen example that religion can drive people insane. the joker is also horrifying for the simple fact he's legitimately insane.

do you think frogs/toads look disgusting?

no, they're cute.

what happens when you strongly disagree with someone?

if i voice my opinion, i get very scared that they'll get angry with me. if i don't, nothing. i just accept their opinion.

have you ever been tested for drugs?

yes, while i was at the er for suicide attempts/being suicidal.

do you own any fish? if so, are the docile or aggressive?

no.

if your lover cheated on you and profusely apologized, would you accept them back into your life?

nope.

are you allergic to any insect bites?

no.

who is your favorite golden girl?

rose!!! (:

what is your favorite commercial of the moment?

it is legitimately always going to be the sexy mr. clean commercial lmao

do you have any famous relatives?

not relatives, but ancestors. we're related to queen victoria and william clark.

favorite album?

"black rain" by ozzy osbourne. i literally love every song on the album and it was my first voyage into heavy metal.

if your son said he was gay, how would you react?

i would be really really proud of him for trusting me with such a thing!!

would you date someone who played video games all weekend long?

so long he does his responsibilities, sure. let him do what he enjoys.

what are your top three video games of all time?

"silent hill 2," "amnesia: a machine for pigs," and then probably "silent hill 3."

what's your favorite care bear?

i remember i liked the one with a rainbow on its stomach.

state 8 facts about your body.

i'm 5'5''. just gonna say i'm bigger than i'm supposed to be. i have five piercings. my hair is naturally brown, but dyed red. my eyes are blue. the nail on both of my rings fingers is slightly deformed (my sisters' are, too). i have incredibly tiny toes. i wear glasses.

what was your kinkiest wet dream?

not a kinky person over here.

what song, no matter where you are or what you are doing, immediately takes you back to high school?

"all signs point to lauderdale" by a day to remember, DEFINITELY.

do you think you could join the army?

no way. i couldn't anyway because i'm mentally ill/have a suicidal history.

would you date someone who has cheated in their previous relationships?

nope.

do you have soft hands? do you like holding hands?

just about everyone who's ever touched my hands tells me they're soft. and yeah, so long they're not sweaty.

do you think having a sleepover with a guy is theoretically acceptable?

to me, it really depends on where you're sleeping.

have you ever failed a class?

only in college.

have you ever cried over a breakup?

only for over a year.

are you planning on dying your hair any time soon?

hopefully.

do you feel as though you're good at understanding/communicating with animals?

people have called me dr. doolittle since i was a very young kid for a reason lol

where would you like to spend your honeymoon?

i actually don't have big plans. i'd just love to spend a little while in the mountains of nc.

what's one thing you collected as a child:

stickers. my dresser at the time was legitimately covered.

what fictional animal do you wish was real?

oh my GOD, the fey dragons from wow. they are fucking adorable and so pure.

have you ever been told you’ve punched someone in your sleep?

lol yeah. sorry, jason.

have you ever written a song or poem for someone special?

a few poems, yeah.

what is your favorite vampire book/movie/show?

i remember i loved the book "bite me"

do you actually know anyone who is homophobic?

yes.

did you ever read "the giver"? see the movie?

i read the book and loved it.

what was your first impression of your best friend?

i don't have a *best* friend, but i'll answer for the two closest to me. one, i don't really remember because we were super super young. the other, oh my god it was obvious we hated each other.

what is your profile pic a picture of?

i'mma just answer for like... all of them lol. main tumblr & youtube: link neal (but i'mma change yt to mark when i'm not being lazy); facebook&this blog: me; deviantart: an oc; km rp: mark fischbach; aaand i'm sure i'm forgetting some

have you ever been dumped really harshly?

very. he dumped me over facebook messenger like a coward, considering we'd been dating for 3 1/2 years.

has a tree ever fallen down on your house?

yes, during a hurricane. i was totally knocked out asleep so i didn't even hear it land directly above my head lol. then at our second house, a tree fell on our fuel tank, literally landing directly beside the cap, sooo we're lucky as fuck it didn't blow up.

would you ever get your hips pierced?

no. dermals sound really painful.

what if someone asked you to be in a relationship with them?

i'm in a relationship right now and am happy that way.

what will your next piercing be?

my nose.

what do you regret doing at FAR too young?

i'd rather just not talk about it.

marvel or dc?

dc, maybe.

what are you most proud of?

how far i've come

what is your favorite otp?

that actually exists, mark&amy. hypothetically, rhett&link

who is your favorite disney villain?

scar, maybe? OH. maleficent, actually.

did you ever watch "phil of the future"?

not really. i was never a big fan.

are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy?

sexual activities, sure. sex itself, i wouldn't know.

how old were you when you first became sexually active?

again, mind you, i'm a virgin, but if you're talking about doing anything sexual, probably 16. maaaybe 17, but i'm pretty sure 16.

would you rather have a pet crocodile or a pet octopus?

i legitimately wanted a caiman for a while because apparently that's legal lol

where is the last place you’d want to be on halloween night?

not sure

describe your favorite comedy movie?

my favorite's "white chicks" omg

what, in your opinion, is the most disgusting part of the human body?

i've stated before i have some asexual traits, and part of that is found in the fact i find both genitalia legitimately disgusting.

what feelings come over you when you know you’re falling in love?

i smile a lot and get very shy around the person. looots of butterflies.

do you believe in ghosts, spirits, demons?

yes to all.

would you consider yourself creative and how wide would you say your imagination can stretch?

i honestly believe i'm creative as fuck. it goes pretty damn far.

if you could go into any video game world, what would it be and why?

"world of warcraft." because. like. just take me to azeroth, pls. god i am such a nerd.

hamburger or hot dog?

cheeseburgers, usually.

what's something nerdy about you?

i am legitimately made of nerdy shit

would you cheat on your significant other if it meant sleeping with your celebrity crush?

no, actually. probably surprising considered how obsessed i am with him lol

how old do you want to live to?

maybe like 75? 80? i don't want to get to the point of being old where i'm like pissing myself and need help with literally everything. that would be legitimate torture to me.

are you comfortable with your height?

sure.

have you ever slept on a couch with someone else, with whom?

yeah, jason.

do you think the legal drinking age should be changed?

not entirely. i do, however, believe 18-year-olds should be allowed to drink only if accompanied by an adult.

have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?

i have hit rock bottom before.

have you ever been bitten by a snake?

no.

do you like train’s music?

i was a big fan way before they become mainstream thanks to mom.

how’s your relationship between you and your grandparents?

dad's mom is dead, mom's dad is dead, i don't even remember the last time i talked to my dad's dad (but he's suuuuper nice and supportive), and i'm pretty damn sure mom's mom doesn't like me. she's bitched me out before and has said some very rude things to me. i'm not particularly fond of her either, but i try.

has the last person you had sex with ever had sex with someone besides you?

never had sex, but as for the only person i've ever been sex

ual

with, yes.

are both of your blood parents still in your life?

my parents are divorced so i don't really see my dad, but he's still a part of my life.

do you like your best friend’s boy/girlfriend?

colleen's husband is awesome and is quite a bit like myself, but sara's not in a relationship.

have your parents met the person you’re currently interested in?

yeah.

when you’re interested in someone, do you let them know?

no.

have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity?

ha ha omg yeah

what are your parents’ middle names?

marie & john

in your opinion, which is more attractive: nice biceps or washboard abs?

biceps. really obnoxious abs aren't that appealing to me.

have you ever been hypnotized?

no. i don't believe in that jazz.

do you have any lockets with pictures inside?

no.

what would you consider to be the worst television channel out there?

mtv

do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? why?

no.

do you think age matters in friendship?

no. i have a friend who's 30.

how old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?

i don't want kids. i'm fine with my nieces and nephews.

list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.

heather (silent hill), tyler is legitimately me (markiplier crew), chase (rhett&link crew)

what’s a popular movie you’ve never seen?

the entirety of "harry potter." and "lord of the rings."

has anyone ever gotten in your face completely bitching you out?

my grandma, yes.

does it annoy you when people use too many emoticons when they’re typing?

it can.

would you ever consider yourself over dramatic?

i can be, honestly.

would you consider yourself more indie or mainstream?

indie. essentially nothing about me is mainstream.

do you ever use cheats when you play video games?

no.

has anyone, besides yourself, considered you as a failure?

most likely.

did you go to pre-k?

yeah.

have you ever stolen a friend's boyfriend?

not intentionally. then there's the fact we never actually dated.

do you regret it?

i regret ever being flirty with him, yes.

are you sorry?

it's only like my biggest regret, so.

who was your first celebrity crush?

probably jesse mccartney lol

would you smoke if it meant getting $30, or do you smoke anyways?

no.

what school teams or clubs are/were you a part of?

art honors society, honors society.

do you enjoy going through old pictures?

sometimes. other times, the nostalgia is too much.

is there a band you like with amazing music but a bad vocalist?

i honestly find dave mustaine of megadeth to be an awful singer, but somehow, i feel it adds to his charm??

do you tend to get clingy in relationships?

really, it depends on my mood and how comfortable i am with you. i legitimately demand space early in a relationship, and i romantically bond with people very slowly. once i actually feel attached to you, i can be sometimes. other times, i still need space.

have you ever dated outside of your race?

for less than a day, so you couldn't really call it "dating." he was hispanic.

when was the last time you received a massage?

never had one professionally, but jason and i would give each other a massage if we legitimately felt like we needed one.

would you rather have curvy legs or skinny legs?

not like really big, but curvy.

what do you usually put in your omelets?

cheese and ham. man... now i really want an omelet lol

do you like kiwis?

YAAAAAS

do you want any piercings?

my nose will be next, then more in my ears. i also would like a belly button ring one day, but i'd only get it once i'm much smaller. absolutely no offense intended, but i don't think they look good on bigger people like me.

have you ever flipped off your mother or father?

no, but i said "fuck you" to my mother only a few months ago. that went over well.

have you ever bowled a strike?

probably.

which is worse: stale chips or flat soda?

stale chips. flat soda doesn't bother me too much.

have you ever questioned your sexuality?

not seriously. when i had ocd, added onto my anxiety, i got into this totally random repetitive thought cycle that i secretly bisexual. i am in no way bisexual, but it was a random question and then my mind obsessed over the possibility i was lying to myself.

what did you usually pack for lunch at school?

sandwiches.

favorite nonliving musician?

probably freddie mercury. wonderfully talented man.

biggest learning experience of your life?

holly hill

what’s your opinion on religion in schools?

i believe all of the more common religions should be electives. i know that's a bit unfair, but if we're being realistic, there's too many religions to fit and get instructors for all of them.

how do you decide whether to accept or not accept a friend request?

i have to know the person and like them to accept them.

do you have an unspeakable past regret?

unspeakable, no.

do you litter?

absolutely not.

do you feed your pets gourmet pet food?

no.

were you miserable in middle school?

i wouldn't say "miserable," but it was definitely the worst school years. it's when my anxiety and depression started, so.

how many people do you know who identify as transgender?

one that i'm certain of. i have another friend that went through a transgender phase.

what is your preferred painkiller?

advil

what color was your senior prom dress?

black

do you support transgenders being able to use the opposite restroom?

i promise, you don't want my opinion.

do you support the raising of the minimum wage?

yes. you can't live off of $7.25.

are you courageous?

not really, if i'm being honest.

could you ever forgive your best friend for sleeping with your boyfriend?

nope.

do you live with your biological parents?

with my mom, yes.

do you have a snapchat?

no.

who is your hero?

mark <3

are you allergic to bees?

i wouldn't know. never been stung.

have you ever had stitches?

yes, in my chin.

did you graduate high school a virgin?

yeah.

would you ever date out of your own race?

yes.

can you describe your father in one word?

forgiving<3

what’s your favorite movie trilogy?

"shiloh," maybe

do you play any games on facebook?

no.

do you have a dog?

we have three.

do you have a step-parent?

yes, but i don't call her "mom" or anything.

do you like grasshoppers?

they actually kinda scare me, especially big ones lol

do you like laffy taffy?

yeah!

at concerts, do you buy merch?

only been to one, but i did. i'd like to think i always would.

what color is your underwear?

i don't wear underwear unless entirely necessary. increases your chances of a yeast infection and they're just uncomfortable.

what’s an interesting fact about the state in which you were born?

it has an abandoned wizard of oz-themed park.

outside of school, have you ever used a thesaurus?

yes. i use it occasionally for writing.

do either of your parents have any tattoos or piercings?

my mom has her ears pierced.

would you ever stalk a celebrity?

no. i have respect.

do your parents use social media? if so, which ones?

mom has facebook.

do you believe that there’s good in everybody?

nope.

person you used to have feelings for shows up at your house, you say:

"get the fuck away from my house" or something like that.

were your parents married when you were born?

yes.

have you ever thought about having sex?

yeah?

are you available?

no.

do you live in a big house?

no.

have you ever flown in a plane?

twice, but the first i don't remember.

do you like mangoes?

i've actually never had a real mango, but i think i'd like them. i love mango juice.

do you think you’re always right?

absolutely not. it's a ridiculous thing to think.

what’s your favorite season?

autumn.

best disney song?

dude let's be real, "be prepared" from tlk was fire

what’s the worst veggie?

BEANS.

do you like the color yellow?

nooo. it's one of my least favorites.

do you have any old calendars in your room?

i have two meerkat calendars from years ago that are part of my collection.

is it important to you to make a good impression on a bf/gf’s parents?

of course.

are you one of the people who think obama will be assassinated?

well, he obviously wasn't. if anyone's going to get assassinated, it'll be trump.

are you more sympathetic towards animals or humans?

animals, because they have no voice and are never truly do things out of ill intent.

when did your parents stop enforcing curfew?

i never really had a curfew.

how long does it take you in the shower?

not even 15 minutes. i've never understood how people can take such long showers. do your shit and get out.

ever kissed anyone with a nipple piercing? what about a lip piercing? nose piercing?

lip piercings, yes.

ever made out in a pool?

maybe, but i don't think so.

are you a virgin?

depends on how you define "virgin." but by my definition, yes.

be honest. have you had any dirty thoughts today?

well now that you mention it.

have you ever purchased a pregnancy test, for yourself or otherwise?

no.

do you have trouble reading small fonts?

not usually. depends on what the font is.

are there any old [as in, no longer on television, not necessarily old in terms of years] television shows that you could happily sit through and re-watch the entire series?

"that '70s show"

of all the decisions you have thus far made in your life, which was the best and which was the worst?

best: going to holly hill. worst: letting jason be my everything.

if you were presented with a bowl of fruit with apples, oranges, bananas, and grapes in it - which fruit would you pick to eat?

grapes.

do you have any gay friends?

yes, and i love them.

are you gay yourself?

no, but i don't discriminate against those who are.

how many brothers do you have?

one half-brother.

do you like mexican food?

noooo.

what’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)?

colleen: miracle, maxwell, maze. i couldn't even try to name all of sara's lol

do you need to shave?

no.

do you see yourself married in the next five years?

nope.

are you responsible?

if i'm being honest, no.

ever had a pregnancy scare?

no. well, because i have anxiety, i was once scared while i was with jason because i missed my period, despite the fact we never had actual sex. safe to say, i wasn't pregnant. it was my anxiety getting to me.

do you partake in gaming?

if i can, i do. however, my consoles are broken and the psu or graphics card on my gaming laptop is fried, so i haven't in like... six, seven months. it's been torture lol

who has your heart?

two internet celebrities that don't know i exist lmao

do you have an ex who still talks to you? do they want to be with you again?

no. tyler tried to, but he finally got that i wanted nothing to do with him.

ever get mad at something that happened years ago?

yep.

don’t you hate when people assume you’re jealous of somebody just because you dislike them?

y e s

do your legs get really itchy after shaving them?

YES. it's why i have a scar on my shin because i scratched the fuck out of it.

who was the last person you went out to eat with?

dad, his wife, sisters, and my sister's in-laws.

honestly, if you wanted to get laid right now, could you?

probably not. i wouldn't want to anyway, since i'm like 95% sure i want to save 'til marriage.

have you ever kissed someone with a tattoo?

regrettably.

ever had a guy best friend?

yes.

how is your last ex doing?

i don't know and i don't care.

ever given your ALL to someone?

yes, and it was the wrong fucking choice.

how do you know the majority of the people you know?

school, the internet

have you ever had pink eye?

no, but my sister has.

do you really care how many friends you or anyone else has on myspace/facebook?

nope.

how many band shirts do you own? which?

including those that don't fit anymore but i have saved, two for ozzy osbourne, two for metallica, otep, disturbed, asking alexandria, hollywood undead, iwrestledabearonce (which i no longer like), marilyn manson, two for alice cooper, and i am 100% positive i've had more. i've had a loooot.

is nutella amazing?

yaaaas queen

have you ever had anything pierced that you don’t have now?

yes. right side of my nose, left anti-tragus, right tragus, left cartilage. they all closed while i was in the hospital.

would you consider yourself “tough”?

emotionally.

do you have any twins/multiples in your family? are they identical or fraternal?

i don't think so?

who is the youngest person in your family that you know of?

my nephew, i think.

is your mom a good mom?

she tries her best and does so much for me.

who was your first friend?

brianna. we drifted apart in middle school.

would you consider yourself a shy person?

waaaay too shy.

are you on good terms with your last ex?

no.

would you rather be a toaster, or a calculator?

... lol wut

do you like beards, and if so, what is the ideal beard length?

no opinion.

did/do you play with barbies?

i did only when nicole wanted to.

what holidays do you decorate for?

halloween, christmas.

have you ever been high?

no. it just doesn't interest me. i don't like my mind being foggy. it's partially why i've never even been drunk.

do you believe in homosexuality?

yes?? it obviously exists, and there's nothing wrong with it??

do you believe in jesus?

yes. it's a historical fact that he existed, it's just a matter of if you believe in the stories of what he did or not.

who was the last person you kissed?

my boyfriend.

do you play minecraft?

i never have and i'm not interested in it.

do you like mozzarella sticks?

noooo. the only cheese i like is american.

do you listen to nickelback?

i have no shame in admitting that i like some of their songs.

do you watch pewdiepie?

i've been a fan since 2013, or maybe 2012. he's a funny guy. he's got a lot of drama around him, but i sincerely think he's entertaining. i've enjoyed watching him develop as a person and comedian.

do you like the water?

no. i literally never drink it unless i'm dehydrated.

do you like eating zebra cakes?

sure. been a long, long time since i've had one, though.

are there any hobbies you have that you don’t perform in front of others?

write, draw.

have you ever felt as though you were unrecognizable to yourself?

yep.

when was the last time you took a taxi somewhere?

never.

what was the most embarrassing thing you’ve had to buy?

nothing really embarrassing.

have you ever mistaken a person’s gender?

yeah.

did you stay calm during the whole swine flu scare?

yes. i have the immune system of a god.

without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes?

yes. my old english teacher literally stopped class once just to point out to the whole class that i had super long eyelashes lol. i loved her.

is there a kind of music you listen to that helps you release your anger?

yeah. tends to be rammstein or metallica.

do any of your close friends have children?

no.

were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?

no.

when was the last time you were at the hospital, and why?

in february for a suicide attempt.

"the breakfast club," yay or nay?

i couldn't get into it.

have you ever had a piercing get infected?

yes. second piercing in my right ear lobe.

do you get embarrassed easily?

just about everything embarrasses me, so.

is anybody in your family a carpenter?

no, but my dad was.

would you date someone 8 years older than you?

yeah, but that's like my limit. i'd have to

really

like someone who was nine years older, but i'm cool with eight.

would you rather date someone older than you or younger?

older. at my current age, i wouldn't date someone younger than me.

have you ever dated someone you met online?

no.

what’s something you have a very strong opinion about?

abortion, more than anything. i'm getting more heavily adamant about gay rights.

what gets you emotional?

recalling past struggles and people, seeing others suffer, people doing good in the world, etc.

do you often try to find common ground when in a political debate?

ugh. i just don't like political debates.

do you come across as cold and aloof at times?

i'm sure.

do you think the last person you kissed is a player?

no.

if an ex said they hated you, you say?

good for you.

could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life?

no.

are you happy with yourself?

in certain aspects.

would you change yourself for the person you love?

to some degree. it depends.

has a guy ever seriously punched you more than once?

no one's ever punched me, thankfully.

do you think you were ever in love?

i can say without the slightest doubt in my mind that i was.

have you ever dated your friend’s ex?

no.

have you done bad things with your parents nearby?

define "bad things."

have you started a horrible rumor about somebody?

no, i'm not that low.

why do you believe/not believe in god?

because it just seems most logical to me. it just seems... highly, highly unlikely that the fucking stars aligned so perfectly as to make this all possible. but i perfectly respect people that think the opposite, so long they don't stomp on religion.

do you have any recurring dreams? what are they?

no.

what is your favorite baked good?

muffins, maybe.

do you have an addiction to anything?

i have an addictive personality, so, a number of things. nothing unhealthy, though.

during thunderstorms, how does your pet react?

teddy and bentley don't care, cali gets so terrified that she quakes and hides behind the couch.

are you addicted to any energy drinks?

no. energy drinks taste like poison to me.

do you like croutons in your salad?

noooo

when did you meet the last male you texted?

when i was born. he's my dad.

have you ever talked to a boyfriend about a previous ex-boyfriend?

yes. i was having a ptsd breakdown and needed to know if i could confide in him about some things.

can two living souls become one?

no.

has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language?

no, but someone probably should lol. i recently realized that i say "fuck" waaay too much. jason's family defiled me. they swear like sailors and like everyone i know noticed my profanity got worse after dating jason for a while because i was with his family a lot and it rubbed off.

why aren’t you in love with your ex anymore?

because you don't love the person that almost caused you to kill yourself.

if your best friend “came out”, how would you feel?

colleen: i would go into legitimate shock since she's for traditional marriage and whatnot. sara: she's demisexual, so.

ever kissed someone you weren’t in a relationship with?

no.

have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper?

ew, no.

what was the last song you listened to?

"cake and sodomy" by marilyn manson

have you ever been on a ferris wheel that had swinging cages/gondolas? were you in the swinging cage/gondola or too chicken to go on it?

yeah. it was at a little festival so it was sketchy as fuck too lol. i went with jason, who's afraid of heights, so that was interesting.

do you want a small or big wedding?

small.

are your parents going to buy you a car?

probably not. i don't drive, anyway.

who’s your favorite rapper? and your favorite song by this rapper?

the only rapper i genuinely like is eminem, and i really like "space bound"

how about your favorite band? and your favorite song by this band?

oh brother... ozzy osbourne: "trap door," metallica: "whiskey in the jar," otep: uhhh "special pets" or "apex predator," a day to remember: "i'm made of wax, larry, what are you made of?," marilyn manson: "heart-shaped glasses," rammstein: "nebel" or "donaukinder," cradle of filth: probably their cover of "mr. crowley," korn: "here to stay"

do you hate your last name? do you want to get married so you can change it?

i don't like my last name, but i don't want to get married just so it'll change.

who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? why did you break up?

if you're talking about the first guy who ever had the title of "boyfriend," aaron. we were in the 7th grade and i just didn't like him like that.

do you drink coffee?

no, it's bitter as fuck and just overall gross.

what outfit makes you feel the most attractive?

you assume any outfit makes me attractive.

what do you think of people who always wear make-up?

whatever.

has anyone of the same sex ever hit on you?

i think so.

are you open to a same-sex relationship and why or why not?

no, i'm straight.

have you ever wanted to vlog?

no. too awkward for that shit.

who was the last person you held hands with?

ugh.

have you ever told someone to their face that they were ugly?

what the fuck, no.

have you ever seen a live bat?

yeah. they're so cute.

would you ever let your child drop out of high school?

depends on the reason.

do you pronounce “aunt” like “want” or “ant”?

"ant"

would you ever let a girl/boy put you through hell and back?

never again.

have you watched porn alone before?

i don't watch porn to begin with.

what do you think about weed?

i think it smells fucking awful more than anything.

recommend a book:

i recommend "johnny got his gun" by dalton trumbo more than any book on the face of the planet. the writing style is very unique and a bit hard to understand sometimes, but the meaning behind it. it increased my pacifism by a mile.

do you like to cook? or do you always prefer take out?

i can't cook. i literally burned a hot dog to where it split in half in the microwave.

are pets allowed to be on the furniture in your house?

yes. they live here.

declawing cats: for or against?

against

what theory (serious or not) has always intrigued you?

if the moon landing was fake or not. i believe it was real, but there is some seriously compelling evidence that it was a studio trick. i'd highly recommend reading about it.

do you consider yourself a perfectionist?

about some things.

#survey #quiz #questions #asks #answered

2 notes · View notes

blatherkatt · 8 years ago

Text

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Prologue 2: Regarding Dave Strider

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Death mention, Heavily implied abuse, mentions of terrorist activity (courtesy of Bro Strider), Dave’s mental gymnastics hard at work; So Many Pesterlogs, Illustrated

FIRST | NEXT

4/13/2009

(Excerpt from a front page newspaper article)

ALTERNIAN EMBASSY UNDER ATTACK

The Alternian embassy in Austin, Texas suffered a bomb strike yesterday. Several casualties have been recorded. […] Several suspects were seen on video, but as of yet none have been arrested. The primary suspect is a man named Derek Strider. Strider was honored as a hero for his actions during the wars between Alternia and Earth. Strider is currently 33 years old, 6’5”, blonde, pale-skinned, frequently seen wearing an orange baseball cap and triangular sunglasses. Police ask anyone with any information on his whereabouts to please call…

08/05/2011

(Post made to a comedy blog maintained anonymously by one Dirk L.)

The Big Bi-Annual Serious Post(tm).

Alright, guys. Sorry to be doing this again, but it’s the anniversary, and I’m fucking desperate. To everyone who’s new enough to this blog to have never witnessed my twice-yearly floundering tribute to futility, buckle the fuck up because we’re in for a wild ride.

Yeah, I know, “you were so cute as a child,” et cetera et cetera. Do me a favor and save the patronizing comments on this particular baby photo and instead turn your attention to the little boy on the left. His name is Dave. When this photo was taken, he was six years old; he’s currently a few months shy of thirteen. Assuming he’s still alive, anyway.

I haven’t seen him in six years. Six years ago today, our father came in the dead of night and kidnapped him.

It’s pretty clear at this point that the police have given up on finding him. I haven’t. I’d have to be a pretty shitty older brother to do that, but unfortunately, there’s not much I can do on my own.

All I’m asking is that if you have any word on him, if you know him, if you’ve seen him, if you ran into him in a fucking supermarket, anything at all, please, please tell me. It’s a long shot, I know, but, shit, maybe this weird fucking blog I run can do some good, right?

Let’s skip the usual fucking around, though. Like I said, it’s been six years. I assure you, none of you are the first one to think of the hilarious joke of leading me on and relentlessly fucking with me. It’s not funny, and I’m not in the mood.

Thanks.

(Chatlog from Pesterchum)

— ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 9:15 PM 08/05/2011 —

EB: hey, you’re the guy who runs that weird blog, right?

TT: I run a number of weird blogs. You’ll have to be more specific.

TT: I don’t post my handle on any of them anymore, though, so I’m a bit confused as to how you got it.

EB: got it from my sister! shes been following you for a little while and said you added her recently

EB: she’s gutsygumshoe!

EB: id message you through the actual blog but i mean i dont have a tumblr haha

TT: Ah, okay.

TT: GG’s pretty cool. Knowing she gave you my handle is at least reassuring in the sense that I don’t have to worry so much about who’s getting my contact info.

TT: Why so keen to talk to me, though? It doesn’t sound like you’ve much interest in the contents of the actual blog.

EB: nah its not a sense of humor i feel like i really get

EB: but thats not the point here its actually really important!

EB: see my sis was talking about that post you made today at dinner

EB: she felt really bad for you i guess but she showed it to me and i think i might know dave!

TT: Ah. We’re doing this, okay.

EB: ???

TT: I hope you’ll excuse me not leaping for joy.

TT: There’s been a lot of false alarms over the years. It’s hard to hope.

EB: i mean that might be for the best

EB: im really not sure myself but a lot of weird stuff matches up

EB: the kid in the picture does look a lot like the dave i know and the number of siblings matches up!

TT: Never said that the little girl was my sister.

EB: oh, isn’t she?

EB: that puts a bit of a damper on things if not, because the sister was something he was a lot more sure of.

TT: Um. What?

EB: i should start from the beginning here shouldnt i haha

EB: sorry im a little nervous! and dave isnt online right now because of course he isnt so i cant double check this stuff with him yet ugh

EB: hes like one of my best friends even though weve only met online

EB: the age matches up too! hes twelve right now and turns 13 in a few months

TT: Hm. A bit coincidental, sure, but Dave isn’t exactly a rare name.

EB: he looks a lot like your dave too though!

EB: here look at this

— ectoBiologist sent a file: socool.jpg —

TT: That is the shittiest photo I’ve ever seen.

EB: ugh yeah sorry

EB: he takes them bad on purpose, hes got a really weird sense of humor

EB: thats honestly the best one i have of him right now :(

TT: I can sort of see what you mean by there being a bit of a resemblance, though.

TT: If I squint and tilt my head really hard, I mean.

EB: yeah ok but i mean im still not at the really important part!

EB: see ive known for a while that he lives with his bro

EB: but like a couple weeks ago he told me something really weird!

TT: We’re pretty sure Dave was kidnapped by our father.

TT: I think I’d know if I was living with him.

EB: thats the thing though! his bro isnt actually his brother

EB: hes daves dad

EB: dave isnt sure why the guy makes him call him bro

EB: he told me though that he feels like he does actually have an older brother

EB: cant remember the older brothers name very well, he thinks it starts with a d?

EB: and he remembers having a sister too, and he was like.

EB: absolutely positive her name was rose

EB: wasn’t sure on her age though, he thought she must’ve been pretty close to his age

EB: but i mean if that girl in that photo isn’t your sister then that kinda throws all this right down the drain

TT: She is.

EB: what?

TT: She is my sister. I was…sorry, it was a reflex. I’m so used to people fucking with me over this, I said that to try and throw you off, but

TT: Fuck, my hands are shaking. I hope you’re serious here.

EB: is all that stuff right then??

TT: Her name’s Rose, and she is our sister, and my name does start with a D.

TT: Is there anything else about him that you can tell me that might help identify him?

EB: um

EB: oh! his birthday’s december 3rd!

TT: I

TT: Jesus Christ

EB: :D

EB: ah fuck there he is hold on

EB: asshole finally got online

EB: im gonna show him that post

TT: I

TT: Yeah, you should

TT: Do that.

TT: I’m

TT: Fuck.

EB: oh my god he is rambling up a storm

EB: ive never seen him this excited gosh

EB: do you wanna talk to him? i can give you his handle

TT: Jesus fucking Christ of course I want to talk to him.

TT: Please.

TT: Fuck.

EB: turntechgodhead!

EB: i gave him yours too

EB: you still there dude?

EB: oh i guess you’re probably talking to him now huh haha

— timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:23 PM 08/05/2011 —

TT: Dave?

TG: holy shit

TG: holy shit holy shit i thought i fucking dreamed it all holy shit

TG: im trying to sort all this shit but its all so fucking vague

TG: rose is real though right

TT: She is. You and she are twins.

TG: holy fuck

TG: holy shit im a twin holy fuck

TG: and you too holy shit

TG: i cant fucking remember your name though i dont know whats going on with that

TG: like my brain just decided to pick random details to remember about you all

TG: roses name? sure

TG: the fact that were fucking twins? nope

TG: older brother exists? yeah sure that can stay

TG: his name? hell no

TG: was it dick please tell me its not dick i will throw myself out the fucking window

TT: Dirk, actually.

TG: FUCK

TG: thank fuck im not crazy you guys actually exist jfc

TT: Are you okay?

TG: im the okayest motherfucker this side of the milky way

TG: the fucking siblings i thought i dreamed up actually exists and im talking to one of them

TG: im like if okay took a physical form and that form was the coolest dude who ever fuckin existed

TG: okaying all the fuck over the place

TG: why are you asking thats a weird thing to ask

TT: No, I mean.

TT: Are you…safe, I guess?

TG: uh yeah i guess

TG: this particular motel room doesnt strike me as the cleanest but i mean at least theres no bedbugs this time

TT: You’re in a motel?

TG: yeah weve been moving around a lot lately

TT: I’d imagine so.

TT: According to the news, the old man’s been pretty busy lately.

TG: yyyyyeah

TG: i dont know whats up with that

TG: i mean i know the trolls fuckin invaded us or whatever but i was like a year old when that shit ended

TG: i dunno why he hates them so much

TG: im sure hes got his reasons maybe its all for the best but i kinda want nothing to do with that shit

TT: So you’re not involved in that stuff?

TG: i kinda get the feeling hes building up to dragging me into it but not yet no

TT: Where are you?

TG: didnt get the name of the town but i assume were still in texas

TG: thats where weve been as long as i can remember

TG: excluding the shit i remember from being with you guys

TG: like i guess that might be in texas but the memories dont feel like texas

TG: its a little too you know

TG: not the suns blistering steaming asshole

TG: i mean jesus its fuckin hot here all the time and i swear i have memories of not being miserable from the sun trying to roast us all alive

TT: We’re in upstate New York, actually.

TG: holy shit really

TT: Yeah.

TT: You got really mad once when you found out that there is no literal big apple.

TG: the fuck do you mean once im still pissed

TG: god damn big apple youd expect a place like that to specialize in fuckin aj but no its just a stupid nickname

TG: city of fuckin lies is what it is

TT: Jesus Christ.

TG: sorry except im not

TG: i take my aj fuckin seriously

TT: No, I just

TT: It’s really you, Christ.

TT: This is happening. I’m talking to my baby brother for the first time in six years, and he’s still dorkishly addicted to apple juice.

TG: fuck you aj is the nectar of the gods

TG: shit i gotta go bros back

TT: What? Why?

TG: ill be in touch when i can

TG: bro doesnt want me talking to people online anymore and im not particularly thrilled at the prospect of a strife tonight

TG: see you around

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 9:47 PM 08/05/2011 —

TT: Wait, Dave!

TT: Shit.

— timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:15 PM 08/05/2011 —

TT: Thank you.

EB: :B

— timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:16 PM 08/05/2011 —

08/06/2011

— tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:25 AM 08/06/2011 —

TT: Dave, it’s Rose.

— turntechGodhead is offline! —

TT: Thank you, Pesterchum, for confirming the obvious.

TT: I just wanted to make sure you had my contact information as well.

TT: Dirk said he spoke to you yesterday, and I will confess that I am almost afraid to believe him.

TT: It almost hurts to hope, as cliche as that is to say.

TT: But if it’s true, and this really is you, I look forward to at least being able to talk to you again.

— tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:30 AM 08/06/2011 —

— turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:14 PM 08/06/2011 —

TG: rose holy shit

TG: ok first off lets talk about that fucking username

TG: what the fuck rose

TG: what the actual fuck

TT: Well, there goes any doubt as to your identity I might have had.

TG: the fucks that supposed to mean

TT: I suppose it means that I’ve missed you.

TT: This feels so surreal. Six years with you gone, and here we are, talking.

TT: And you’re the same as ever, somehow.

TG: excuse me im not the one going on the internet as some octopus in a shrink suit

TG: tentacletherapist what the actual fuck

TT: What kind of name is turntechGodhead, then?

TG: a fuckin awesome one is what

TT: Truly, it demonstrates both your nobility and your humility.

TG: you bet your ass it does

TG: the humblest fuckin guy to ever shock the fuckin world with his sick beats

TG: ill rap you under the table and be super not braggy about it

TG: sounds like a fuckin paradox but im just fuckin cool enough to pull it off

TG: be makin people drop like flies with my dope rhymes

TG: everyone be trippin over this sick beat

TG: some guy at the clubs monocle just popped out and socked him in the face

TG: like hey loser why arent you that fuckin awesome and modest

TT: I’m sorry, there’s a man in a suit and a monocle at this hypothetical club?

TG: well it wasnt a club to start with

TG: just some fancy dudes all bein posh and shit

TG: but i walked in and its a fuckin party now

TG: i didnt even have to start rappin i just set foot in the place and it all lights the fuck up

TG: glowsticks are popping into existence to get the rave going and half the posh dudes immediately start fuckin grinding

TG: and im like yo i only wanted to grab one of your weird sandwiches and leave but yall gotta be like this

TG: cant a guy just go somewhere without the party starting on me

TT: How dreadful it must be, to be such a majestic being!

TG: its a curse i must bear

TG: heavy is the crown

TT: I’m sorry to change the subject to something very strange, but I have an odd favor to ask.

TG: yeah shoot

TT: Your friend, John, provided one of your “ironic selfies” to Dirk to try and confirm your identity to him.

TT: Would it be possible to get one with the irony turned down a few notches?

TT: And possibly minus the shades?

TG: woah what why

TT: It’s…

TT: Our mother misses you too, Dave. She’s been devastated ever since we lost you.

TG: oh

TT: I think it would do her some good to at least know what you look like, now.

TT: The only existing pictures of you we have are so old.

TG: yeah

TG: yeah i can do that hold up

— turntechGodhead sent a file: boringasfuckselfie.jpg —

TT: Thank you.

TT: Here’s a recent picture of myself and Dirk, by the by.

TT: Fair trade.

— tentacleTherapist sent a file: EquallyBoring.jpg —

TG: well shit

TG: dirks hair somehow got even more bullshit anime

TG: i thought i was definitely fucking imagining that part but nope

TT: It is pretty bullshit.

TT: He goes through a lot of hair gel.

TG: hahahaha

TG: rose

TG: rose hey rose

TT: I’m still here, Dave. What is it?

TG: rose were twins

TT: We are, yes.

TG: im still fucking losing it over that okay

TG: bro never fuckin talks about you guys and he got mad at me for asking too much years back so i stopped

TG: but i swear ive always had this feeling like i definitely wasnt an only child and i remembered you strongest

TG: dont tell dirk that but i did

TG: its like

TG: i was so sure i musta dreamed you guys up but youre real and i have a twin im a fuckin twin rose

TT: While I can’t completely relate, as our mother never made any secret of your existence and Dirk remembered you quite clearly, I can at least connect to the surrealism of this experience.

TT: I’m almost afraid I’m going to wake up and be left bereft.

TG: fuck i wanna keep talking but bros gonna be home any minute

TT: Do you need to sign off for the night?

TG: yeah

TG: dont wanna get in trouble

TG: i am pretty much directly disobeying him right now

TT: Any idea when you’ll be able to get online next?

TG: no

TG: ill talk to you whenever im on though

TT: Take care.

TG: you too

TG: miss you like hell

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 11:25 PM 08/06/2011 —

12/03/2011

— turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:45 PM 12/03/2011 —

— TG sent TT a file: happyfuckignbIRTH.gif —

TT: The sentiment is appreciated, but you’re a day early.

TG: what

TG: but

TG: were twins

TG: its my birthday

TT: Yes, well.

TT: You managed to claw your way into the world thirteen minutes before I did.

TT: And as it just so happens, that thirteen minute period straddled the chiming of midnight.

TT: As such, your birthday is technically the day before mine.

TG: wait im the older twin

TG: holy shit i didnt see that coming

TT: I don’t see how it matters very much.

TG: now listen here you whippersnapper

TT: Hush.

TG: as much as id love to lord it up i really cant talk much

TG: im pretty much just droppin that file and running

TT: Well, before you go.

TT: I’ve no such masterpiece prepared, myself, but.

TT: I hope you’ve had a happy birthday.

TG: eh its been alright i guess

TG: enjoy your early present you lucky motherfucker i gotta go

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:47 PM 12/03/2011 —

12/15/2011

— turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 11:29 PM 12/15/2011 —

TG: dirk

TG: dude are you there it says youre online but im pretty sure its like

TG: after midnight where you are

TT: About half an hour before, actually.

TG: thank fuck

TT: What’s up?

TG: remember how i said back when we first talked that bro wasnt making me tag along with his fuckin

TG: weird bullshit fight the trolls business

TT: Has that changed?

TG: he made me help him yesterday

TG: im still fuckin shaking i dont know what to do

TG: im sure hes got whatever reasons for doing this shit but i cant

TG: he killed some of them dirk

TG: i watched people die yesterday i dont know what to do

TG: i dont wanna fuckin hurt anyone even if they are aliens

TT: We need to get you the fuck out of there.

TT: Is there any way you can get away from him? I can look up bus schedules, or, shit, hit up the blogs and see if anyone can drive you up here.

TG: dude no

TG: im freakin out but i cant fuckin abandon him hes still family

TT: Dave, he kidnapped you. You realize that, right?

TG: what

TT: He has no legal custody over you.

TG: hes my dad though

TT: He’s a man with no legal rights to your care, who is now actively forcing you to participate in acts of incredible violence against an entire group of people.

TT: That’s fucked up, even if they did technically invade us, once.

TG: dude no its

TG: im fine i just needed to talk to someone and rose is offline

TT: She’s asleep.

TT: I’m not budging on this, though.

TT: You need to get the fuck out of there. He’s going to get you killed.

TG: i can protect my fuckin self thanks

TG: i dont wanna kill anyone but that doesnt mean i cant fight fuck you

TT: That’s not what I meant.

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 11:57 PM 12/15/2011 —

05/15/2012

— turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 9:13 PM 05/14/2012 —

TG: hey are you awake

GG: :o

GG: i think i should be asking you that mr night owl!

GG: isnt it like three in the morning where you are?

TG: sleep is for the weak

TG: and for weird girls with medical conditions i guess

GG: hehe

GG: what have you even been up to lately? i havent heard from you in like a week and you talk to me super late!

TG: yeah sorry bros had me busy

TG: doing

TG: stuff

TG: you know what lets not talk about that

TG: as you pointed out it is the asscrack of the morning out here

TG: if im gonna be awake anyway im not spending it talking about that bullshit

GG: has he been running you ragged again? thats awful!

TG: alright fuck well i guess we are talking about it

TG: hes not

TG: putting me at the front of things anymore thank fuck

TG: i think he just gave up on trying to make me do some of the really intense shit at least for now

TG: but hes still expecting me to do shit behind the scenes

TG: cut power

TG: sneak in and unlock doors

TG: shit like that

TG: and hes been watching me like a fuckin hawk i havent been able to get online at all until now so thats why ive been absent

GG: :(

GG: well im glad to hear from you even if it is really late!

TG: yeah

TG: ass o clock or not its nice to fuckin

TG: just talk to someone for a while

TG: dunno why bros gotta be such an asshole i mean i know hes paranoid about us getting caught but its not like the police are gonna have any fuckin idea my shitty pesterchum account is related to the stuff hes doing

TG: like fuck off dude let me talk to my friends

GG: yeah!! >:B

TG: so hey on this latest mission i saw a dude in a fursuit and thought of you

TG: theres no conventions going on right now that im aware of or anything he just decided he was gonna walk around in a fucking animal suit

TG: was the most surreal thing i saw today

TG: and i literally see aliens on a pretty regular fucking basis so thats saying a lot

GG: pfft!

GG: dave i told you i have no interest in fursuits

TG: yeah i know youre too hardcore furry to be able to settle for something like that

TG: you weirdo

GG: says the guy who collects dead things

TG: shut up my dead shit collection is certified off the wall amazing

TG: had an expert in awesome things come by and personally give me the certificate

TG: showed up and went holy shit

TG: thats a rad ass collection of dead shit

TG: heres your certificate let me grovel at your feet

TG: let me bow before its magnificence

GG: lol dave

GG: it is pretty awesome but it is weird too!

GG: the two are not mutually exclusive silly

GG: …dave?

GG: it says you’ve been typing for like twenty minutes now :o

—turntechGodhead [TG] is an idle chum! —

GG: dave??

GG: are you okay?

GG: did you fall asleep?

GG: thats really cute if you did but you need to be careful!

GG: your bros gonna be really mad if he catches you talking to me

GG: …….he didnt catch you did he?

GG: dave?????

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 10:25 PM 05/14/2012 —

GG: oh no

— turntechGodhead [TG] is offline! —

GG: D:

06/23/2012

—timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 3:17 PM 06/23/2012 —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: EB1.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: socool.jpg —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Dirk1.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Dirk2.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Dirk3.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose1.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: boringasfuckselfie.jpg —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: EquallyBoring.jpg —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose2.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose3.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose4.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose5.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose6.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/GG1.txt —

TT: There’s everything Rose and I have been able to scrounge up between the two of us, plus gardenGnostic’s last conversation with him.

TT: She was the last person to talk to him.

TT: EB and GG are both going to see if they have any other logs saved with him. I can send them to you, or they can send them directly.

TT: They might have more than me or Rose. They’ve both known Dave since he was ten, apparently.

GC: 4LR1GHT

GC: G1V3 M3 4 B1T TO R34D THROUGH TH3S3

GC: 1M GO1NG TO H4V3 TO H4V3 MY COMPUT3R GUY GO 1NTO YOUR 4CCOUNTS TO V3R1FY TH4T TH3S3 4R3 L3G1T

TT: That’s fine.

TT: I mean, I can’t speak for GG or EB, but I don’t have a problem with it.

TT: Are you going to be able to get at the existing police files on him?

TT: This whole business with the old man meant that we couldn’t get the police to take any of this stuff when it was going on. They just said that there was nothing they could do.

TT: Out of their hands, they said.

TT: And apparently the people whose hands it was in didn’t particularly care about Dave’s involvement.

GC: Y34H, MOST OF TH3 TROLLS UP 4T TH3 TOP WH3N 1T COM3S TO 1NT3RSP3C13S CR1M1N4L PROC33D1NGS DONT R34LLY G3T YOUR W31RD HUM4N F4M1LY UN1TS

GC: OR HOW S3R1OUSLY YOU GUYS T4K3 PROT3CT1NG YOUR YOUNG

GC: 1 M34N 1 DONT R34LLY G3T 1T 31TH3R

GC: 1T DO3SNT M4K3 MUCH S3NS3 TO M3

GC: BUT 4T L34ST 1 K33P 1N M1ND TH4T 1T 1S 4CTU4LLY 4 TH1NG

GC: 1 M34N G33Z

GC: SOM3ON3 H3R3 N33DS TO B3 CULTUR4LLY S3NS1T1V3

GC: 4LL JOK1NG 4SID3

GC: DONT YOU WORRY 1 W1LL F1ND 4 W4Y TO G3T 4T THOS3 F1L3S WH3TH3R TH3 H1GH3R UPS W4NT M3 TO OR NOT >:]

TT: Sounds like the legends are true, then.

GC: L3G3NDS?

TT: Word on the street is that you’re something of a bloodhound.

TT: That you don’t give up on a case you’ve taken, no matter how little you have to work with or how bad it gets.

GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3

TT: That’s why I brought this to you.

TT: Everyone else has given up on Dave, it seems.

TT: You’re the best hope we’ve got of finding him, at this point. Thank you for that, by the way.

GC: 1 M34N

GC: DONT G3T M3 WRONG, YOU BROUGHT M3 1NTO TH1S FOR A SP3C1F1C PURPOS3 4ND 1 1NT3ND TO S33 TH4T PURPOS3 THROUGH

GC: BUT MY PR1M4RY GO4L H3R3 IS TO G3T MY B1G BR34K

GC: TH1S 1S 4 R34LLY GOOD 4NGL3 TO H4V3 ON TH3 STR1D3R C4SE

GC: 4ND 1 4M CR4CK1NG 1T OP3N 4ND M4K1NG MY M4RK

TT: Yeah, I know.

TT: I’m not under any sort of illusions here. You’ve got your own ulterior motives for taking this case, especially considering we’re basically paying you on the combined allowances of two literal children.

TT: That doesn’t change the fact that you’re still the first person outside our family to put serious effort into finding Dave in a long time.

TT: Ulterior motives or not,

TT: That’s a really big deal to us.

TT: So, again: Thank you.

GC: >:]

GC: 4LR1GHT TH4TS 3NOUGH B31NG S4PPY

GC: 1 GOT 4 JOB TO DO

GC: 1 W1LL TRY TO K33P YOU POSTED

— gallowsCallibrator [GC] ceased trolling timaeusTestified [TT] —

#homestuck #dave strider #dirk strider #rose lalonde #jade harley #longpost #john egbert #terezi pyrope #fanfic #fanfiction #calmvsstormfic #calmvsstormchapter #katt does a writing #im not gonna tag every chapter as davekat im gonna save that tag for when its actually relevant from here on out #ok but why have i never written dave before now its so much fun?? he just #RAMBLES

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nora-reads-homestuck · 8 years ago

Text

Nora Reads HS Part 68

Pages 6154-6184

Hey guys! Some quick background on why I’ve been a little scarce: I’ve mentioned a personal project that’s been eating into my free time, and that is... dun dun dun, a custom 5e D&D campaign I’m running IRL! The campaign is just starting, so I’m in the phase where I’m planning out a lot of details and building locations, etc. What that means is that sometimes I’ll need to take little breaks from liveblogging to work on the game, and other times, I’ll put D&D to the side to focus on liveblogging! I haven’t disappeared or anything like that, and once the campaign really gets going, my need to take short breaks should ease off. No need to worry! I am here and ready to find out what’s up with this robot bunny that young Bro has built Jane. *Seinfeld music* Does the auto responder have a connection to it the way he has a connection to the brobot? Does it fight with Jane? Is it... touchy feely?

Let’s... find out. Eurgh.

*click*

Poor poppop's severed head got nicked by the FIREPLACE POKER.

OH SHIT. I’m so accustomed to seeing damaged eyes that it didn’t really register the first time I looked at this panel. Is this Hussie teasing us with the idea of a Poppopsprite? Because I would be PERFECTLY OK with that eventuality. Circumstantial simultaneity.

Also, damn, check out all those Astaires.

Jane: Put head back.

You stick the poker down his neck hole and jam the head back on the spike as a temporary measure. That looks somewhat more respectable you guess.

THE PERFECT CRIME.

Looks like the troublemaker's father is calling.

That choice of language is weird and it’s skeeving me out. I DUN LIKE IT. On the other hand, yay, more kidchat! Or... robokid chat?

KID SIGHTING. And... well, he looks exactly as expected. He appears to be standing on the roof of his building, surrounded by... fucking... are those doves?

TT: Why have you activated dear, sweet Huggy Bear. TT: Are you in danger?

...I... it’s gotta be Snoop Dogg Huggy Bear, right?

TT: I disabled the AR for now. GG: Ok. Just making sure! GG: Jake was having some issues with it earlier, and I don't think he received its obfuscating tendencies in the humorous spirit intended. TT: Yes, I'm catching up with the situation now. GG: Oh, so you're talking to Jake then? TT: Nah. Just reading their chat logs.

Why does this seem weird and intrusive if the ‘AR’ is basically fucking him? (Haa haa.)

TT: Its demeanor leaves something desired though. I'd prefer it didn't make such aggressive and repeated claims of fidelity to my persona. TT: Be misrepresentin' hells of key subtleties, yo.

‘Subtleties’. Sure.

TT: Jake needs to be more skeptical. Rather than take a Pollyanna jackknife ass-first off whatever turnip truck is blowing through town that day, he's got to apply more critical reasoning to shit. TT: I keep telling him. TT: I keep telling him, dude, you got to be more like Jane. GG: These lectures I presume are roughly similar in complexion to those I'm familiar with? GG: Those wherein I have, and I quote, "got to be more like Jake?" TT: Yes, exactly. TT: You're finally fucking getting it. GG: I sincerely doubt that I am! TT: Said the stubborn skeptic, skeptically. GG: Let's not talk about my "issues" again, shalln't we?

Alright then. Young Bro is apparently trope savvy, so let’s see what tropes we can apply to him, so far. A: a fair few.

TT: Shalln't? TT: That ain't a thing to say, even for you. GG: Shush! GG: The word shalln't escape my vocabulary any longer, just as you SHALLN'T nitpick my language! That's my turf you're on, buster. TT: Alright. Kinda don't care.

WOW, what a jackass.

GG: What were you saying? TT: About what? Jake?

Careful, Strider, your crush is showing.

GG: About leaving the responder on! TT: Yeah. TT: Anyway, I kind of owe it to him to let the program run as often as possible. GG: Jake? TT: No. TT: The responder.

AHAHAHAHA. Yeah, this is going to get mined for drama later, isn’t it? Normally I’d be fucking allergic to the idea of a teen love n-gon, having experienced enough of them in YA fiction to make me sick, but then, this is Hussie. It’ll be amusing if nothing else.

(IF LITTLELONDE IS THE ONE TO END UP WITH JAKE I WILL SHIT. I might actually ship it??)

TT: It is a fully cognitive, self-aware entity I am responsible for, not even to mention an approximate cerebral duplicate of myself. TT: You don't just make a clone of yourself to live in a dead end existence where it has no chance to thrive as an individual or surpass its limitations. TT: That'd be sick.

That’s a charitable view to have toward an AI, and I’m going to remember this moment in case he reneges on his words later.

TT: Also. TT: The more the software runs, the broader and more detailed its experiential canopy becomes. Makes for a better dialogic partner. GG: Dialogic? GG: Are you saying you have conversations with your own auto-responder? TT: Of course. TT: Why do you think I made the thing? GG: Hrm, that's interesting. GG: I guess I always thought it was just a really elaborate gag! TT: It's that too.

Let me guess; the gag lies in the enormity of the narcissism involved in valuing yourself as the best possible dialogic partner, and is somehow tied up in ‘the ironies’.

God, what an insufferable prick. I think I would like him better if he were charming. Rose, for example, can get away with quite a lot by virtue of her rapier wit. What’s interesting to me, though, is that the most intelligent character in any work of fiction can only be as intelligent as the author. Rose and Doc Scratch were conduits for Hussie to show off his sense of humor and sesquipedalian loquaciousness, but Bro might be his chance to show off his raw intellect.

OH MY GOD JANE, YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT. <3 And what the hell is the rabbit doing?

GG: Sometimes your sense of humor seems more impenetrably advanced than your robotics. I'll never understand this tapestry of irony you weave.

Replace ‘honor’ with ‘irony’.

GG: Maybe I'm just stuck in the dark ages of pranksterism with my funny mustaches corny old joke book. TT: Yes, you are. But that's fine. TT: We come from different traditions. Someone needs to keep that racist southern asshole's legacy alive.

WOW SUCK MY DICK. How can you even be mean to Jane.

TT: There's dignity in taking up the work of our familial predecessors, even if what they did was insanely fucking stupid.

So... adult!Dave is still all about irony post-Scratch, and Bro claims to have gotten his shtick from him, instead of the other way around, but... he thinks Dave’s work was stupid?? This is infuriatingly circular.

GG: Is that a note of bitterness directed at your superstar brother I am detecting?

I AM SO HERE FOR FAMOUS DAVE, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW.

TT: No way. He's awesome. TT: I've told you, I don't begrudge any of his success. TT: I've also told you he isn't my real bro even though I call him that. We're related through an esoteric process of genetic reamalgamation. GG: Oh lordy. Yes, yes, I know. I don't need another ironic lesson in science fiction!

Wow, yet another Sburb process the post-Scratch kids are inexplicably aware of. Does Bro know the actual nature of their relationship? Because that’s got to be weird and squicky in a Freaky Friday parent-kidswap kind of way. Maybe... Did Dave tell him all this stuff about the game, and Rose told LittleLonde, and that’s why Jane is still in the dark? Because Dad wasn’t a player???

IT ALL MAKES SENSE! :D

If Dave and Rose remember the game and their other lives, that would explain the continued existence of SBaHJ without adult!Bro’s awful comics to inspire him! And maybe they were the ones to encourage this troll friendship the Scratch kids have got going on! It would seem to run counter to the previous example we have in the troll ancestors, who didn’t recall game details after their Scratch, but it’s not exactly a game-breaking retcon to have the humans remember.

I still wonder why Jade would make all that Lord English-themed stuff, if she knew he was an evil motherfucker, but ah well. At least we know why she was so adamant about engaging “”Betty Crocker”” in corporate warfare!

TT: The point is, obviously his satirical methods have flaws, and whatever tempered brand of hero worship I might be practicing isn't keeping me from seeing that.

WHATEVER, HE LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU.

...LITERALLY.

GG: Flaws?? Talk about understatement. Those movies are unwatchable. GG: Unless your name is Jake English.

AHAHAHA.

TT: Yes, spectacularly so. But they will have profound historical significance. Mark my words.

Consider them marked. And knowing Hussie, it’ll be played for drama just as much as laughs.

TT: And flaws aside, it's a legacy I'm proud to inherit. My duty isn't to appropriate his methods with absolute loyalty, but to apply reason and improve upon them. To leave my own mark. TT: To perfect the art of irony.

UGH. Improve upon his methods by “”applying reason”’, as if, had Dave only been just a little bit smarter, just a bit more logical, he’d have told better jokes?? Bro’s one of those “let me play devil’s advocate, if I may” douchebags, isn’t he. He should’ve had a fedora on his shirt.

...OH MY GOD HE HAS THE KATANA TOO, IT’S PERFECT.

TT: It's just like what you're doing with the work of your ancestor. You are striving to perfect his hokey vaudeville bullshit, or something. TT: You seek the Zen of a pie to the face. The Tao of falling the fuck down.

Alright, that one’s actually funny.

TT: Can't fool me. You take your shit as serious as I do. TT: And if I wasn't serious about it, I wouldn't have made you that rabbit. Then where the hell would you be?

Still literally homestuck, if with an intact grandfather-son. But you don’t gotta be a fuckin’ prick about it.

Whoa, they’re not doves, they’re seagulls! Not unheard of, that close to Galveston. Also, the sky is lovely and blue. I would expect the post-Scratch Earth to be more of a crapsack world, a la post-Scratch Alternia, so this is interesting. Maybe it’s just because it’s Fall?

GG: Well, aside from thousands of dollars in corpse-repair richer, I can't say.

Ahahaha. Fuckin’ tell ‘im, Jane.

TT: Has he been sleeping in the old man hollow again? Shit, that's adorable. GG: I can think of cuter places for him to sleep, frankly! TT: Yeah, bullshit. TT: He's just being instinctive. In the wild, he would gut a carcass and sleep inside for warmth, as well as to secure tactical advantage for ambushing would-be scavengers. GG: Oh, please.

UGHH I AM QUICKLY APPROACHING MY LIMIT FOR DOUCHERY.

On a side node, what is the internal temperature of a tauntaun?

(What do you mean, an African or a European tauntaun?)

GG: Anyway, property damage and desecration to cherished elders aside, Mr. Bear has been a lovely addition to the family. TT: You haven't renamed him yet? GG: Oh... no. GG: I keep forgetting I'm supposed to! TT: You've got to fucking rename him. Or change him to a girl if you want. That was important. TT: When pets change owners they get new names. Fact. GG: Sorry.

Ok not only is that patently untrue, but I swear to god if this asshat keeps being rude to Jane, I will TURN THIS FUCKING COMIC AROUND.

GG: I will name him right now! GG: How about Lil' Sebastian? TT: Fuck if that isn't the best name a thing could get. GG: Yeah!!!

HALF MAST IS TOO HIGH.

GG: So then, are you saying Mr. Sebastian here was an ironic present? GG: Relayed strictly for guffaws?? >:B TT: Yes, but it's not that simple. There were many layers involved. TT: Some of them are literal layers, of metal and plush. GG: Huh? TT: There's a real stuffed rabbit beneath its exoskeleton. GG: What! Really? :O TT: Yeah. TT: It belonged to my bro. GG: I thought you said you didn't have such an heirloom to complete the plushie trifecta? TT: I didn't. He didn't give it to me, and never intended to bequeath it. TT: I stole it.

Huh. So, like Dave’s gift to John in the pre-Scratch universe is the “original” bunny, having at that point taken no trips through time, so the bunny inside Lil’ Sebastian is the post-Scratch universe’s original. Why did adult!Dave have it in his possession? He didn’t give it... to...

Oh. Con Air came out in 1997, and John died in 1995. So he bought it and kept it as a keepsake, in memory of his departed friend, only to have Bro steal it. For a good cause, yeah, but still. :’(

GG: Ooh. Risky! TT: Nah. I got a little help from RL and ganked it out of his museum. TT: It's this whole "priceless" collection of stupid shit from movies, defended like Fort Knox. Ironically of course.

PROBABLY NOT IRONICALLY, YOU JACKANAPES.

GG: So it's from a movie? TT: Ever hear of Con Air? GG: Nope. GG: Wait... GG: Wasn't that some bit of action schlock from the 90's? TT: Yes. GG: Some of the silly nonsense referenced in his work was well before my time. I don't have the wherewithal to investigate all this minutia. TT: Yeah, it doesn't matter really. But it was from that. Dude weirdly obsessed over that shit movie for years, among others.

Awww, noooo, he's sad about John!! D:

GG: That does sound a tad obsessive. Wasn't he furious about your burglary? TT: Pretty sure he didn't even notice. In years since, I never saw a news story about a "daring heist" or anything. I feel like he would have made some hay outta that. TT: And if he did know, he'd probably just want to give me a stoic fist bump or something.

Maybe, but probably not for the reason you think.

TT: Like I said, there are layers. TT: On one level, I gave you a filthy tattered piece of shit, albeit of tremendous cultural significance, manhandled by some old B movie actors, now candy coated to function as a highly practical defender droid for your personal protection. TT: On another level, I needed to incorporate something passable as a real heirloom. TT: For sentimental reasons. GG: D'awwwww. GG: Wait, real sentiment, or ironic sentiment? GG: Or is there no difference?? Am I missing the point here? TT: No, it was genuine.

So he’s not completely without a heart, even if it is, to quote him directly, a filthy tattered piece of shit.

TT: The upper echelons of irony should always include measures of sincerity. And if the satirical practice is executed faithfully it will achieve something bona fide in its own right regardless. TT: Through an intense commitment bordering on religious devotion to the absolutely inane, absurd, or plain fucking stupid, a very different kind of sincerity begins to materialize. One of reverence to the ridiculous. You begin to "mean it," but what exactly it is you mean is never quite what appears on the surface, and is utterly inaccessible to obtuse and literal minds. That you "mean it" then becomes inseparable from the joke, and additional rich strata of humor may be stripped aggressively from this irreconcilable truth.

I’m torn. On the one hand, I want to reach through my monitor and punch this kid in the face. On the other, even I can recognize that this is basically Andrew Hussie sock-puppeting his own ironic ideals. It’s just somehow more insufferable when Bro says it.

GG: I have so much to learn. And I am not even saying that "ironically!" GG: Will you teach me your ways one day, sir? Perhaps an apprenticeship will open? TT: Oh god, I'd love that. TT: Consider the position yours for the taking any time. Feel free to approach and kneel before Cal. With my sword and his floppy mitten, you will receive my flashstep anointment shoulder to shoulder, and to shoulder again.

UUUGHHHH. His head’s stuck up his own ass, but at the very least, he does seem to be sincere about enjoying teaching people things.

JESUS RABBIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING. If it’s really got a mind of its own, then it’s like a hyper-competent dog with a sword. If you don’t walk it or play with it enough, it starts destroying things. LIKE SOMEONE I KNOW. *stares down the dog*

GG: Lil' Seb is beginning to act out, and I must put his fidgetiness to constructive use!

‘Fidgitiness’, that’s putting it politely.

TT: Cool. TT: Jane, one more thing. TT: I'm sure you must be aware by now that you'll be the leader of our group, as you will be the first to enter the session. GG: Um, no? GG: This is news to me. I never gathered that "team leader" was a thing for this game. TT: Trust me. It's a thing.

Hmm. Frankly, it’s a little surprising to me that Bro would both know about the leader position, and willingly give it up. He seems like the kind of person who would want to be calling the shots, if for no other reason that he’s SOOO SMAAAART.

GG: Are you sure? I have my doubts. GG: I believe as a group we will have the temerity to succeed, without my having to order people around like an insufferable bossypants. TT: That's why you're our leader, Jane. GG: Hm? TT: Optimism through stalwart skepticism is an affect not everyone is plucky enough to be graced with. GG: That's stupid! TT: Yeah yeah. I know. TT: You're not our leader, you're our FRIEND, right? GG: Precisely! GG: There is a BIG difference! TT: And statements like that are also why you're our leader.

Whoa, whoa. So like... Bro and LittleLonde have certainly been privy to a lot of things they have no business knowing, which I’m still assuming was imparted to them by their troll friend or by Dave and Rose. But either that’s just an extremely coincidental call back to that exact conversation between Rose and John, or... Or I don’t know. It’s probably just him knowing her really well, and her being a lot like John and Bro being a lot like Rose. B...Brose?

TT: But only in name and in spirit. Less so, functionally. TT: If it puts your mind at ease, I'll be the one pulling the strings here.

Oh. Oh, wow. Never mind. You know what? I hope it all backfires spectacularly, so that the pre-Scratch kids can swoop in and save the day, while Bro looks on in stupefied wonder.

They wait, bitches.

GG: Oh yes? GG: Then this whole affair will be one of D. Strider's grand productions in puppetry?

Alright, so his name starts with D. Not all that many 4-letter male D names. Dean, Doug, Drew (ahaha), Dale, Dane, Dirk, Dion, Dann, Dill... Dick...

Also, ‘grand productions in puppetry’ makes me want to punch (and judy) something.

TT: I will be the unseen hand whose nimble digits are behind every subtle twitch in our session's bulbous foam ass. TT: At least those gyrations not happening by the volition of its own quivering absorbant proboscis. TT: If you ever need help, Jane. If you're ever in any trouble at all, let me know. Just say the word. TT: I'll whip the toggle stick of this ludicrous marionette, cavorting its humongous bottom to intercept your freefall through the abyss.

Well, that’s... sweet? I guess he’s saying he’s got good intentions, but still, I can see this (and am sort of rooting for it) to backfire horribly.

TT: Snowcone you up in the fluffy crook of its cleft. Don't be alarmed if you're in no hurry to unpry yourself. TT: For the great jut of this impudent rump has more yield to your touch than you ever dreamt. Remember to catch your breath as it cherishes the imprint of your hand like a memento from a lover gone to war. TT: There's a lot of give to that ass, you may say. TT: Might like to settle in. Make myself comfortable. Start a family. TT: Bounce a coin off that ass, you'll demand of visitors. It's not going anywhere. TT: Bet that coin'll take a good nap there. TT: It's a gamble you win every goddamn time. TT: Yeah.

I hate to use the same gif twice in one post, but...

GG: These lessons we talked about... GG: They've already begun, haven't they? :o TT: Jane, soon you'll believe what I've told you. TT: You'll believe it all. TT: It's just a shame that believing will take something so coarse as seeing, for a girl as sharp as you.

How biblical. What all exactly is he talking about? Game stuff? Betty Crocker stuff?

TT: Critical thought can lead one to accept the unlikely, just as much as dismiss the impossible. TT: I can help with this too. Would you like me to program a Jane Crocker responder for you? TT: I only require a simple captcha of your brain.

Alright, Doctor Fuckin’ Jekyll; let me just get right on that.

Wait, doesn’t DAVE have a captcha of his own brain? ...Oh no. Also, that means the auto responder isn’t n% indistinguishable from Bro just because it was programmed to be; it’s literally a copy of his brain. That’s kind of disturbing.

GG: Holy moly! GG: Um, thank you, but no. GG: I'm not ready to get dialogic with my cyberself just yet. My friends keep me busy enough as it is.

YES, JANE, THIS IS A GOOD ATTITUDE TO HAVE. KEEP IT UP.

GG: Speaking of which, I really need to go. I know you love to talk my ear off, and it's always a treat,

Pahahahaha.

but let's catch up later after the game starts, ok? GG: And if I do need your help, I promise I'll take you up on your offer! TT: I made several. Which one? GG: The one where you, hopefully not literally, offered to catch me in the crevice of a great big squishy butt! Hoo hoo hoo!

I fucking love this kid. She’s a little more assertive than John so far, though she’s also less mean-spirited. What will it be like when they meet? Can’t wait to find out! :D

Jane: Command Sebastian to lift fridge.

You order dear, sweet Lil' Sebastian to put his fidgetiness to constructive use. He is eager to assist, and lifts the appliance with ease.

Y’know, I was about to say something like, ‘how the hell is that tiny little robot supposed to lift the’ but then he did it. Welp. that certainly makes for a convenient escape route! After all this trouble Dad went through to keep Jane inside, she’s not going to get, like... sniped or something, is she?

He finds a note taped underneath the fridge. It seems to be addressed to you.

UGH I want to hate this bunny because Bro made it, but it is SO CUTE.

Fat chance, dad. This bird's gotta fly!!!

Jane, come ON, you’re courting danger now.

Never would have seen that one coming. (Jane, I’m about to throw a fridge through your wall.)

I like to imagine that the water pressure from the hose was at blasting power just before this panel, and drooped along with Dad’s confusion.

Jane: Throw down your hat in disgust.

Here it comes...

Wait for it...

You've been climbing your echeladder very gradually for various minor accomplishments here and there since you were 13. That was such a sweet textbook HAT POF, it earned you just enough to clear the next rung, FEDORAFLEDGLING. Nice going!

Huh, now this is a more interesting panel than you might think. First off, the mostly irrelevant details: Jane’s hat has what looks like a flag or a tag on it, instead of a feather, and her boondollar total is inching closer to 111,111,111 (damn, she’s rich). Now for the real meaty stuff.

The lowest level we can see on the echeladder, which, since the scrollbar is at the bottom, we can pretty safely assume to be the actual lowest level, is ‘Baby Ectobotananna’. This one took me a second to figure out, but then I realize it’s a combination of John’s ‘ectoBiologist’ and Jade’s ‘gardenGnostic’ via ‘botany’, and then ‘Nanna’.

Batterlass represents the obvious; she’s the heir to BCCorp, next in line after the Batterwitch.

‘Overbite Restart’, ha ha. John had ‘Overbite Upstart’.

‘Snorkbait Sporkplu’g, I have no idea, other than that it’s a call back to John’s ‘Sharkbait Sparkplug’.

‘Bespectacled Skeptic’ reflects what Bro was telling her, that she’s gotta believe more.

‘Haberdasher’s Daughter’, because Dad and hats.

‘Britches Healer’ connects back to the earlier rung ‘Britches Ripper’, and is either a reference to her being the Maid of Life, or else she just sews things a lot?

‘Sodajerk’s Confidante’ took a little digging, but it seems to be a Problem Sleuth reference.

‘Maid in the Shade’... this one’s interesting. It’s already lit up like she’s achieved the rung, and I wonder what prompted it. My first thought just looking at the name of it would be that she’d have to visit the Land of Wind and Shade, but obviously that has not happened. ...Unless she mysteriously achieved the rung shortly after her 13th birthday, when Nannasprite “”concurrently”” appeared in LOWAS.

‘Mourning Starlet’ is also a mystery. I get the pun, but who or what was she mourning? Her freedom? Poppop was long since dead, and her Dad is still alive.

The next rung up from the current ‘FedoraFledgling’ is ‘Heiress Sans Parent’ (a reference to John’s ‘Heir Transparent’), and if that isn’t leading, then... then... THEN I’LL THROW DOWN MY HAT! *levels up* Sadly, it looks like this Dad’s going to bite it too. T_T

And that’s all I’ve got for now!

The well traveled HAT shares in your glorious spoils. The battle-hardened accessory reaches dizzying new heights, leapfrogging from the DOUCHEBAG'S DOMESUCKER rung, to the rare, highly coveted MARTYR'S PISSCRADLE rung.

This is because FedoraFreak tried to use his hat to strain his piss, isn’t it. Did we ever find out what happened to ol’ FF? Did he go god tier?

How can these things be so fast on land???

JESUS.

...Now, wait a second. Gamzee never spent much time with his lusus because it was always out at sea, and I assumed that was because it couldn’t come on land. But if it could, and it just didn’t want to...

Oh no, it's a hostile swarm of those little fairy bulls! They are probably pissed off about the one you killed earlier. They have come for revenge!

Maybe the tinkerbulls and the goatdad will fight each other, allowing Jake to escape! Or... maybe the goatdad will follow in Gamzee’s footsteps and get all weirdly attracted to the tinkerbulls, and the tinkerbulls will get all shy and moe. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

OH MY GOD THE HUMANITY. HOW THEY EXACT THEIR POUND OF FLESH. OH GOD NO OH GOD OH GOD OH GOOOAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

AHAHAHA, I love it.

> [S] ==>

Oh? Oho? What is this? *click*

...

This might just be the singular most beautiful moment in all of Homestuck. This is it. This is everything I’ve been waiting for. Everything I have ever wanted.

Nearby, someone or something bleats like a goat for strategic purposes. And also

Ironic purposes.

I can die happy now. Seriously, what was that, like, 3000 pages later?

Jane: Run.

The jig is so totally up. Nothing left to do but scurry your little legs to that box, snatch the mail and scram!

Ooh, are we going to get a strife? :D

God dammit, I love Dad so much. That his reaction to WORLD SHATTERING SHIT is just a mild ‘?’ and moving on just makes my fucking day.

Gasp!! He seems to be concerned about Jane being outside most of all! She’s totally gonna get sniped, isn’t she.

> [S] Jane: Get mail.

Wow, or that. I’m assuming Hussie’s pulling the whole ‘OH LOOK JOHN’S HOUSE EXPLODED, SURELY HE COULDN’T HAVE SURVIVED THAT’ thing again, but still, yikes. Poor Dad. :(

Also, if that ‘HOMESTUCK’ logo in the sky is an actual physical object like the words floating around Prospit and Derse are, can people see it? Does it spook the U.S. government? Have people been on manned missions to the Homestuck instead of the moon?

END OF ACT 6 ACT 1.

And that’s the end of this Act Act! (I think. I’m not gonna click that arrow just yet.) I know it makes for a short post, but I said I’d divide things up this way so that I didn’t get overwhelmed making an EOA reaction post for what is essentially half the comic, so there you have it! If you’d like, you can send me fanworks up through A6A1, though I warn you I’m still not done looking at all the stuff that got sent to me for A5A2.

Next up, Reactions, and then Act 6 Intermission 1! Or... maybe the other way around, if the Intermission deserves being included with A6A1′s impressions? We’ll see.

Until next time! ^0^

#NRHS #Nora reads Homestuck #Homestuck #Homestuck liveblog #Part 68 #Act 6 #A6A1

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