#gg&g: in a past life

[ningvory]

secret — julie han

CW: noncon/dubcon, g!p julie, julie’s a perv, manipulation, corruption, naïve reader, unnie kink, creampie, mentions of natty in the end, not proofread, this is rushed so apologies in advance! 🙏

word count: 1.3k

anon ask? yes!

you’ve been a trainee for just over three years by now and you’ve been striving for your dream of becoming an idol for years.

you’ve been transferred to different companies in hopes of being able to debut with a few other girls but it never happened. so you joined S2 just after they debuted their most recent gg, kiss of life in hopes of debuting in their next group or even becoming a soloist. i mean, you’ve got the voice and and you can put on a show so yea, really could.

ever since you switched over to S2, you’ve gotten more sharper with your moves and worked on your dance technique. it was known to the other trainee’s that you were definitely going to debut sooner or later under S2, even you knew yourself. everyone knew you were the favorite trainee to the trainers. you caught everyone’s eye, rather it was your looks or your talent. you even managed to catch a special someone’s eye.

but what you didn’t expect was for the company to just add you in a already established group. especially since they were starting to get ready for their long anticipated comeback. S2 had long thought about adding a new member to the group and they decided that you were the only one that they picked to be the added member to the group. plus, the girls even agreed to it too, especially the eldest of the four, julie.

when it was time to meet, you all actually got along really wel! you were now the middle child in the group, being an 03 liner, you were younger than julie and natty but older than belle and haneul. it’s like you were ment to be in the group the whole time.

song recording went really good, you got plenty of compliments from the producers and composers. saying how great you sounded with just raw vocals and that you should’ve been debuted, making your cheeks hurt from all the cheesing you were doing in the studio.

now it was the time to learn the choreo itself, and let’s just say, they had you damn near breaking your back in a few moves to make it more visually pleasing to the eye. you decided to wear a crop top that barely did anything to cover you up with pink sweats. you didn’t wanna wear something that you’ll get hot in immediately, not thinking that it’ll be a bother to anyone.

but oh julie, all hot and bothered, trying to hide her boner from you all and the choreographer. it was so wrong she kept telling herself, watching how you were practicing the hip move in the chorus section of the song. so wrong and sick of her to just shamelessly stare at your tits and your ass, fantasizing about how your ass would smack against her tummy from her forceful thrusts to your cunt. but she just can’t help herself…you’re just so cute to her, and so…fuckable, how can she not? her daydreaming got too much for her she had to go excuse herself to the bathroom and relieve herself from her painful erection.

for the past few days you all had multiple group practices to make sure everything looked eye catching and synchronized. which of course, it did. but the more dance practices, the more confident you got with your moves, especially the more sexier moves, which did nothing to help julie’s raging boner.

she almost always was daydreaming, making you tap her and ask if everything was alright which seemed to break her out of the dream.

“julie unnie? is everything alright?” you asked her with a soft tone, looking directly in her eyes with doe eyes. fuck. she was caught, and she swears you’re doing it on purpose.

but what was she supposed to say to that? ‘yea i was just fantasizing about you riding me while i play with your tits.’ but she gained composure, “yea! don’t worry about me, got lost in my thoughts,” she gave a small smile, reassuring you as you nod your head and continued practicing. if only you knew you were the only thing on her mind.

since she was the leader, she had to monitor the four of you dancing. making sure there’s no mistakes, you all did amazing but julie payed the most attention to you. not because you were the newest member of the group, but because you were just so mesmerizing. each sway of your hips and bounce of your tits had julie left in a trance that she didn’t want to break out of, she had it bad for you and everyone could tell except for you.

you all lost track of time and it was far time to go. but you still wanted to practice, ignoring the fact your body was exhausted. which julie took for the perfect opportunity.

you wanted you moves to be basically flawless, being the newest member to an already established group meant there was a lot of eyes on you. julie took this opportunity and stayed with you.

“thanks for staying, unnie! you really didn’t have t—,”you went to say but was cut off by julie pushing you to the ground.

“see what you’ve done to unnie, baby? swear you’re doing this shit on purpose.” she groaned, getting ontop on your shocked body, pinning your arms beside your head with a tight grip.

“wh—wha? unnie, get off me!” you shouted a little to loud, making her remove a hand to cover your mouth.

“fuck..don’t cry baby. do this for unnie ‘kay? you’ll be good for unnie, right?” julie shushed you, pulling your sweats and panties down, before undoing her pants and her boxers.

she wasted no more time, plunging into you. head swinging back from the pleasure, biting her lip to conceal her moans.

“u-unnie—stop! d-don’ ‘wan it! please—!” your poor lil cunt s’not use to being filled all the way up! tears begin to fall down your face, trying to push her away and shoving at her with you hands.

“stupid slut, take all i give you—fuck!—you cryin’ f’me to stop but your cunt is suckin’ me all in.” she grunts, bullying her thick cock inside your lil cunt. she’s pounding into you anomalistically, she’s lost her composure to try and hold herself back.

she lifts your tight shirt up and pulls your bra down to play with your tits. she groped and pinched you nipples, making you squeak out. more tears falling down.

“all your damn crying isn’t gonna make me stop, baby.” she stays before moving her hands down to pinch your clit.

“don’t even think about telling the others, they won’t believe you, stupid whore.” she snarks, balls slapping against your ass from the quick pace she’s going.

“shit—g’na cum. and you’re gonna take it all!” her thrusts become sloppy, before she fills your cunt up with her thick spurts of cum.

when you feel her fill you up, you felt your body begin to shake. before letting out a loud whine, cumming aggressively on her cock still inside you!

she slowly pulls out, pressing down on your tummy to see her cum begin to spill out, making you whimper. the tingling sensation of her pulling out of your cum covered cunt has you quivering.

once you got home and took a long shower, you went to tell the second eldest, natty. telling her what your leader did to you but she just laughs in your face. telling you that you shouldn’t have been teasing her. but poor you, natty’s no better than julie! she waits till your sleeping and uses your tired body for her own pleasure! waking you up from your sleep and filling you up with her cock! before telling your sleepy self that you better get used to being their personal fucktoy cuz their gonna use you for their own pleasure, not caring if you cum or not! :((

[pinchinschlimbah]

Thank you again for the message, and the references, the "Melty-chan" info (I thought it was just another overpriced ugly toy he was trying to sell, my bad!)

I admit, I didn't check on Kyo's other bands or any recent interviews. Just social media (with google translate) and live / PV. So yeah, my general opinion is 20 years old (shame on me!) like : "arrogant and full of himself and seeking out mindlessly devoted followers" it's definitely from 20 years ago and that toxic person I used to hang out with. They were my "Kyo channel" since I was "to dumb" to understand "his incredible talent" and "too obtuse to even grasp an atom of the sheer and fathomless poetry of his lyrics he was kind enough to throw to us, mere mortals." (It was not said in english, this is translation, but you get the idea) And you know? they were right. He was just another screaming, jumping, vomiting and self cutting edgy singer for me :/ I was just waiting for him to go full GG Allin and take a dump on stage.

I've talked with someone about him a few month ago and they had the feeling he's on the spectrum too, this would explain the clumsiness in M&G and the difference of attitude on stage and out of stage. Because a lot of autistic people are mistaken for asshole while they're just not socially adapted. Considering his age, if this hypothesis is true, he might be exhausted of "masking" or diagnosed... But, no idea about japanese feeling toward atypical persons. So this remains pure speculation.

About the infamous dango episode, I didn't managed to form an opinion. It was funny if he was doing it for fun, cringe if he was drunk or high and absolutely embarassing if he was just not giving 2 fucks. I felt bad for the director of the movie. But since he did the promo tour in other cities I finally came to the conclusion it was either a meltdown or a strange way to be funny and nothing malicious. Ok, I'm going to burry the hatchet and cut the guy some slack (for now…, still have my eyes on him, just in case). And for the sake of my feeble sanity because I have spend too much time (yours and mine) projecting IDK what on a dude I will never meet. LOL!

Talking in private crossed my mind, but maybe someone else is interesting in the topic and might want to join the talk. Use another account and I'll make one too and we'll talk shit 'til we drop dead.

No problem! I'm glad I was able to help you find some peace, and I definitely recommend looking into Kyo's more recent work and interviews because it's clear he's in a much better place now. Sukekiyo is a pretty solidly queer/femme-centered project and it seems having that new space to explore those sides of himself where there are less eyes on him has been really good for him and then has had those sensibilities reflected back into Dir en Grey once he became more comfortable with them. He's even spoken recently about that dark ages era, that he wishes he could give his past self a hug for being so angry at the world and handling it in such a damaging way and that "despite coming close to accepting his past self, he still feels like it committed something against his present self." Sounds like the people you used to hang out with were indeed toxic assholes, I'm glad you got away from them! I personally don't feel comfortable making commentary on whether Kyo might be neurodivergent or not since I myself am (probably) not autistic, but its an interesting theory and it's possible that that's the case! However, I also think it's a lot more common than people realize for performers to be completely different on and off stage...no one can be at 100% power like that all of the time and are often expressing something through their art that they don't feel capable of expressing in normal conversational words, so that larger than life performance persona can only come out during those times and in fact many iconic performers are quite shy and reserved and awkward off stage. In the same Metal Hammer interview I posted screenshots of in my previous post, Kyo says this

It's my understanding that this is still the case, since Kyo said in an interview about Sukekiyo that he specifically picked members who also weren't into drinking or drugs (can't currently find where I saw this one I'm sorry), and fairly recent Shinya channel videos and interviews with other members have indicated that Kyo does not join the rest of the band when they drink backstage or go out after their shows.

I truly do think the dango incident was just him being stupid and silly, if you watch the video you can tell the other members were also entertained and actively humoring it so I wouldn't worry too much about what was going on there!

[accio-victuuri]

CPN: sweets from our dear bunny laoshi 🧁

what the title says, some things we picked up from the past day or two that made our cpn brain act up. lol. since wyb is basically nowhere to be found, we have zz to the rescue.

same disclaimer applies, for turtles only. if you are not a bxg just skip this one.

»»——⍟——««

• the meaning of infinite possibilities ♾️ ; ZZ answered this to describe gucci this mfw and tho it is a good answer, we find ourselves wondering why. this concept is not in any press for their mfw line and so we look into something that he was wearing and wore for some time now connected to the brand.

which leads us to this 18k icon necklace. it is not a jewelry that he actively did a campaign for like the gucci link to love series, so we are looking at this as more of a personal choice. of course he still wore this as their global spokesperson and at events but it’s in line with zz’s jewelry aesthetic. he is known to use more dainty ones with small pendants. but the feature that caught our eyes with this necklace is how the “g” was designed, making it look like the infinity sign and the number 8. 8 = bo.

but another interpretation would be connected to yibo-official’s post during yibo’s 8th year anniversary. where they used the 8 and then flipped it to show the infinity sign. the caption on the video itself also has those words written:

For eight years, the stories written with love have been transcribed and engraved on the wheel of light and shadow. One frame at a time, using dreams and courage to cross the unnamed mountains and seas, flying to the ideal sky with the original heart and enthusiasm, and extending the infinite possibilities in the future in 8 years♾️! 📽️ @UNIQ-王一博Happy 8th anniversary of his debut!

the cpn here really is, it adds fuel to the thought that gg wrote the words and made the design for wyb’s anniversary video. the idea was his, doesn’t matter who actually edited the video. his answer here to the interview and his ( alleged ) affinity to the ♾️ in the necklace is because he used that symbolism before. he recognizes it. it’s him as an artist who made the correlation.

for more on the CPN related to that video, @potteresque-ire has created a lovely post explaining it all here.

• In ZZ’s sina fashion interview, he was asked if there is a recent popular trend he wants to try and he answers “veteran cadres”. Look, it’s not even the answer— it’s how he laughs after. like it’s a private joke and well I think it is. This kind of style he is talking about is being old-fashioned/vintage style. and it’s really more of a person who does not care about trends and will wear what he always did.

What comes to mind really is this character from a popular c-drama called The Knockout. A lot of people are watching it and has a high score, so maybe ZZ is watching that and saw it?

but then, what are the chances that the day WYB went back to Beijing for not even a full day on 2/18 he was seen wearing a similar style? BXGs were even clowning him that he had the same style as that character. ZZ’s laugh in the interview gets me, it’s like he is recalling something. Maybe they saw each other on the 18th and he was surprised by WYB’s chosen style. He thought it looked good and wanted to try it. Or he thought the love of his life looked so handsome and he remembered it in this interview. we get the joke xiao zhan! we really do! 👍🏻

i’m so soft thinking that his mind is still on the day they met ( allegedly ) right before he left for his italy trip. 🥹🥹🥹🥹

• same emoji brain cell again for photosets taken abroad. ZZ added a man walking just to change it up, but we see you. 👀

• ZZ is not eating drunken shrimp of course and WYB was eating his as his character Mister Ye. but just look at them. Why did he add that bit in his douyin specifically?

• ZZ was wearing acne studio beanie. I was surprised cause I thought he is gonna be decked out in Gucci from head to toe. I guess not. This brand is one of their favorites 🤍🤍🤍

[bisluthq]

also like, I'd argue eva mendes was zqually as famous as ryan g when she decided to slow down/stop the filming for him, whereas like ryan was always kind of a movie star and while Blake obviously had the massively successful gg thats only one project ane its from a time where tv was considered inferior to film in terms of Acting. Add to that the fact that Blake was quite young even for an actress when she got with Ryan and the fact that she seems to still want to make films, it does read like a career stunted a bit by a relationship which overshadowed her and which is filmed with growing imbalances, which is not the vibe with ryan and eva at all, like even having retired I feel like to this day if she wanted to start again she would have enough good will and respect in hollywood to make it work, and while it may have a bit to do ryan g especially after barbie it would mostly be on her own merit.

Sidenote, but blake doesnt drink??? how is she friends with taylor

but also I think Eva didn’t do it “for” Ryan like she’s given interviews where she’s very much said she just wanted to focus on the kids while they’re little and she’s in the fortunate position to have been able to afford to do that. She’s also said that in part that came out of deciding to have kids at a later point in life than a lot of other women (she was 40 when she gave birth to their oldest) and being hyper aware that she’s only got the one shot with them and obviously having achieved a great deal prior to that point like idk that it even felt like a compromise in any way. It’s what she wanted to focus on at 40. She does do some occasional things she’s interested in and she wrote a children’s book for example and she posts online and stuff which I think she enjoys doing like I think she has fun making her reels and shit. lol a bunch of her reels aren’t even brand deals, she likes making reels of old timey/Hollywood golden age actresses and literally I think she does this for fun and for no other reason.

Tbh Eva realistically could’ve stepped back from work even if she’d decided to be a single mum at 40 like that’s why idk that she did it “for” Ryan. Obviously it’s easier with Ryan, obviously it’s nicer for Ryan because they can and come visit him on sets and shit, so yea I think he’s very supportive of her decision but like she very much wanted to have sufficient time for her family because she felt she wouldn’t get a chance for a redo and she’d done stuff she’d wanted to for like 20 years before that decision professionally lol and in terms of partying etc so by that point like… she wanted to focus on being a mum.

she’s said actually she might go back to acting again when the kids are older and I agree that she has enough of her own traction that it wouldn’t be in any real tangible way related to Ryan and more like “Eva Mendes returns to the screen” 🤷🏻‍♀️ Like I’m sure she’s still getting sent scripts because she’s Eva Mendes and she could also phone around and see what’s cooking with past collaborators/people she admires or is interested in the work of. As I said, she did promote Barbie and I think that was really welcomed by the Barbie team/appreciated by Ryan because he’s the Ken to her Barbie and all the Kenergy stuff but I do also genuinely think she dug Barbie. She doesn’t generally speaking promote Ryan’s work otherwise. Not because I think she isn’t supportive but because like that’s not her role/job lol and fwiw Ryan’s also not out there selling her children’s book again not because I think he isn’t supportive but because it’s her thing not his thing.

Blake’s vibe does seem a lot more imbalanced, she does still seem interested in work, she had more than just GG but you’re right in that it wasn’t the sort of illustrious career that could see her ringing people up and saying “what do you have for me?” without - also because how entangled their brands are - the person on the other end being like “and so can we count on Ryan R being on board for this?” lol. And she does seem to have done it “for” Ryan rather than just because she wanted to focus on family.

[guzsdaily]

Someone who's writing a journal

Day 31 - Dec 6th, 12.023

One month doing these daily journals, with just one day being posted outside the daily time frame, I have to say that I'm somewhat surprised that I was able to do it. Yes, not all of them were long or really thought of, some I have to admit that I'm not so proud of and could have more attention to them, but to be honest, I think it reflects the day they're written somehow. Yesterday I annotated a lot of ideas that I have for this journal, some philosophical thoughts and believes that kinda drive who I am and/or want to be, and simply things to talk about. And today's topic is in this category.

If you read any of the past entries and became curios and/or just looked at any of my other social media, you probably saw that I created some type of brand/identity for me here on the internet. Things like the phrase "someone who's trying to improve" or the symbols in my profile pictures, and even my nickname/username "Guz013". And maybe you asked yourself, "what's all of this?", so well, why not talk about it today?

Why create a brand?

If you are one of the zero people who aren't close to me and read the Day 2 entry, you probably already noticed that I like brands. That's something which I developed around the past recent years, even more after the pandemic, because I started to like and learn about design, primarily logo design. There is something special to me in having a name and more importantly, a logo, which represents a creation of yours, even more when said design is able to express the creation. For me, creating logos is a type of art and hobby that I like in general. Yes, a lot of them are minimalistic and somewhat follow the recent trend of oversimplifying everything, which in most cases ends up being a bad idea, however there's also some challenge and art in trying to make a simplistic logo look good and unique, and to be honest, I just like that style y'know?

Is all of this maybe a "capitalism thing" or whatever political view you want to put into it? I don't know, and I don't care to be honest. Personally, I just like the idea of people looking at a logo or name and instantly recognizing what or who it's representing, even better when it's represents a good thing.

What are those symbols?

If you saw my work somewhere, and primarily my profile pictures, you saw at least one of these symbols:

And I will already get this out of the way, they aren't meant to be any preexisting symbol or language typography. All of them were created using a custom alphabet/typing system that I created, and no, I will not place how to "decode" them, because: one, it is very simple to do; two, it would get the fun out of it.

These symbols represent different aspects of my life: me as a creator and person; my art and drawings; my codes and interest in software; my likeness of graphics and design; and my love for listening, and hopefully one day creating, music. They represent my personality and who I am as a person in this internet, and primarily, who I am as a creator.

All of them also have my main symbol:

Which represents the 013 in my brand.

Who is "Guz013"?

Like everyone else, I had a lot of usernames as time passed, some notable were: "Gu_BRASIL", because I wanted to create a channel called "GG Brasil" with a friend which also had a name starting with a "G"; Gu013, because "Gu" is a common nickname for my name ("Gustavo") here in Brazil; and finally, "Guz013". And I'm going to be honest with you, the history of this nickname is nothing special, even more when knowing that I created it when I was around 14 to 16.

The "013" came when I was around 14, because 13 ended up being my "luck number". Why my luck number? Because it is the number which everyone associate with bad luck, and like every teenager, I want[ed] to be different. But because just "13" is kinda lame, I added a zero, and "013" became my luck number, and also, part of my username/brand. To be honest with you, I don't like it that much, but it comes handy when creating usernames in platforms with unique ones. And "Guz" is again just a common nickname for "Gustavo", normally spelled "Gus" with a "s", but I didn't know and to be honest, "z" is a prettier letter. ;')

Yee, it isn't the best origin, but welcome to names on the internet, most of them don't have a good origin history, even the big ones.

---

And that's it for today. To be honest, seeing now, it feels somewhat egocentric having a whole entry just to explain my brand image, but whatever, it probably will be handy if anyone ask about them one day. It is surprising and kinda scary to know that it already passed an entire month doing this, and I didn't notice. Just seeing this list below is strange, never thought that I could handle this type of consistency in my life. Even more knowing how much I ended up procrastinating today lol.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. And remember, never stop trying.

---

Today's artists & creative things

Musicians: Scatolove I recommended this Brazilian couple in my first ever post here, so why not recommend again? I love their songs, so go give a listen to them.

---

Copyright (c) 2023-present Gustavo "Guz" L. de Mello <contact.guz013@gmail.com>

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International (CC BY-SA 4.0) License

[spectralspices]

The possibility of a Resonance Cascade is never zero. 

It is, however, always nearly zero. The chances, day to day, of a Resonance Cascade, are approaching 5e-9. Not impossible. But about as low as a titanic pair of fingers reaching out from the void to snuff out our sun like a reading candle. 

But at Black Mesa, they were studying the dimensional barriers that separated this space from that space. Which is where the chances are raised dramatically. At the beginning, at the first discovery of the signals that indicated that some sort of “Border World” existed, the chances of a Resonance Cascade was raised to 6e-9. Still miniscule, but the simple awareness of another reality is enough to raise it.

When the first experiments into observing it occurred, Quantum Mechanics kicked in. The simple act of direct observation changes things-And so, the chances jumped suddenly. 6e-8 percent chance of Resonance Cascade. 

This is when Black Mesa had a visitor. He had all the proper credentials, never gave them a real name, spoke like a broken robot, and he always seemed to stare past whoever he was talking to-like they weren’t even there. A picture perfect G-Man type, here to give them lots of money nobody officially knows about to keep researching, so Someone Else didn’t know before America.

Well, they assumed it was for America.

7e-7 Percent Chance of a Resonance Cascade.

Director Breen met with him, and secured more than enough funding to develop the technology needed to transfer matter back and forth between this “Borderworld” that they had named “Xen”. He assigned some of Black Mesa’s best to the project. Isaac Kleiner, Eli Vance, Arne Magnusson, Richard Keller, Stan Rosenberg...the greatest minds in their field (and under Black Mesa’s employ. Damned Aperture, poaching Ratmann...)

Another massive jump. 9e-5 Percent Chance. And this was not just simply mathematic calculation that was determining these things-As the pieces moved together that would eventually result in a Resonance Cascade, the fabric of reality was actively weakening, making the process all the easier. 

Do you understand what’s being said?

The progress the Black Mesa Team made seemed exponential. When at first, the most they could transfer were simple probes...they soon discovered a frequency that would open holes in space. They sent teams-Ill fated as they were-to collect samples. Both Mineral and Biological. 

1e-3 percent chance. Or, in clearer layman’s terms, a Resonance Cascade had .001 percent chance of occurring. That number would be catastrophically high, if they had understood what a Resonance Cascade actually meant. 

Three men, around the same time, are promoted. Gordon Freeman becomes a Research Assistant on the Anomalous Materials team, working directly under his MIT mentor, Isaac Kleiner. Barney Calhoun is granted Level 3 Security Clearance and meets the previously mentioned men, becoming fast friends. Corporal Adrian Shepard joins the Hazardous Environment Combat Unit of the United States Marines, fast-tracked there by recommendation by an unnamed high ranking official. The HECU marines are ostensibly meant to counteract unconventional enemies in dangerous areas and tight corridors. While a heroic description to the outsider, the simple truth is they are meant to clean up any mistakes that could lead to deserved scrutiny towards what the military is actually funding.

The chances are .01 percent. 

Experiments begin to determine the composition of certain crystalline structures discovered in the Borderworld, and the nature of the energy they seem to hold. Doctor Rosenberg develops a variant of the more common mass spectrometer to analyze these exotic materials, under the watchful eye of that G-man. 

The Anti-Mass Spectrometer is theorized, developed, and constructed. 

There is a 1% chance of a Resonance Cascade.

Experiments begin. Incredible things are learned from the first samples- HG-1866, HP-1937, IA-1992 are all immediately replicated and put into use for the development of Tau Cannons, localized gravitational displacement through Zero Point Energy Emission, and further stabilization of the portal generation. Experiments continue on living tissue from the Borderworld. But a problem arises.

All of the samples have certain impurities, non-exotic matter that prevented certain data from being gathered. Namely, the origin of this matter-the way to make more, not just synthesize similar material.

Director Breen is approached by the G-Man. He has something to provide Black Mesa-A sample purer than any they’d ever gotten their hands on. Breen asks no questions, as the two had...come to an understanding.

The sample is christened “GG-3883″, a tongue in cheek reference to a phrase Doctor Breen’s son often repeated during his time playing the online shooter “Quake”. After all, when Black Mesa came out with the fact that they’d discovered free multiversal travel and near infinite energy, it would be the absolute end of their rivalry with Aperture. The director sent the sample off for analysis, no matter how unstable it may have been, with a self-assured certainty that he would go down in history as one of the most important figures in the field. 

If only he knew.

Chance of a Resonance Cascade had reached 13%, and was climbing as the sample was brought closer and closer to the Anti-Mass Spectrometer. Some work is done to prevent it, however-Safety measures are put in place in the time before the experiment. The chances of a Resonance Cascade are lowered to “only” 7%. 

Gordon Freeman wakes up late after snoozing his alarm one too many times, and must rush to get ready. He rides the Black Mesa Transit system. His car pulls into the station.

Barney Calhoun is locked out of the security office.

Adrian Shepard is finishing a morning jog.

9% of Resonance Cascade.

Gordon Freeman climbs into the Hazard Environment Suit Mark 4, a variant of Black Mesa’s advanced body armor systems that increased physical capability, featured modular ports for various pieces of equipment, and generated a low-yield battery powered energy shield for the partial deflection and absorption of small projectiles and other dangers common to the work they were doing. Everyone called it a “Hev Suit”.

Barney Calhoun is finally let in, pulling on his own variants that were developed for the security guards. Bulletproof vests and helmets, containing the same type of battery powered field generation...even if charge was less potent. At least it didn’t mean every single guard was walking around with a 127,000$ piece of equipment...

Adrian Shepard inspects his Powered Combat Vest, a military produced variant of the HEV suit’s technology, along with his other equipment. The others in his unit are joking around. He’s making sure that if their helicopter crashes, he won’t get impaled on the wreckage or suffocate from an improperly secured gas-mask. A grim man, that Adrian Shepard. But not a paranoid one. At least...not unjustly paranoid.

13% chance of a Resonance Cascade.

Gordon Freeman is shortly briefed, before witnessing a major equipment malfunction in one of the support systems for the Anti-Mass Spectrometer. The safety measures have been lowered to their absolute limit for a safe reading of the exotic matter present in sample GG-3883. Eli Vance and Isaac Kleiner stay behind to repair it as best they can, but doubts are expressed for the safety of this experiment. Not only was this the largest sample ever put through the analysis procedure, it was the purest and most unstable. The system cannot handle this. Nevertheless, Gordon descends, beginning the process to prepare the Anti-Mass Spectrometer.

27% chance of Resonance Cascade.

Barney Calhoun notices the lights flickering above, as the strain on the facility’s generators is too great to maintain everything. The air feels wrong, the people are uneasy, but they aren’t sure why. 

33% chance of Resonance Cascade.

Adrian Shepard showers alone once the others had finished, as he preferred the quiet. He steps out and stares into the mirror. Did he ever plan for a life other than this? Was he going to be a grunt, doing wetwork until he died? Would he ever grow old? Did he even want the chance?

These are the things a quiet man thinks when he trains to murder civilians for knowing too much, when he knows nothing at all.

49% chance of Resonance Cascade.

The sample is brought up. The Spectrometer is powered to levels that the system cannot handle for an extended period. Gordon Freeman pushes the sample in. 

100% of Resonance Cascade

At once, the machinations of two vast powers clash. A meddler who has carefully manipulated the pieces into position, who provided funding, who held authority and power despite not a single living human recognizing him. Who had changed things...made sure certain discoveries were made, and others were not. Who had done all this, changed the course of human history...Because his employers had a vendetta against Something Else Entirely, using the Resonance Cascade as a flare to bring them to this world. 

But at the same time, a vast psychic force, master of an enslaved race of enlightened psychics, creator of twisted weaponized flesh and guns that shoot bees at you, a creature that had harnessed its own power and the power of its thralls to peer into the world beyond them-and the worlds that were yet to be-and it knew of the meddler’s plans. A conflict with the force he had directed his enmity towards was not something the creature could allow, as an invasion of Earth...would pass through it’s Borderworld. 

So, the creature took control of the Cascade. In most situations, a Resonance Cascade occurred when an object begins to vibrate at the exact frequency required to begin “Resonating”, meaning it has started to emit energy that causes the same reaction in other matter, which then cause the reaction both in the original matter and the matter around them, massively weakening the fabric of space and the barriers beyond one world and the worlds that border them. This chain reaction was self sustaining, but did not spread laterally in the space it originated. Instead, it would spread to other worlds-Exchanging matter between them at random as the two spaces began to blend. 

The Psychic Force stopped the cascade in Xen, forcing it to focus on sustaining the reaction between just those two worlds, weakening its hold...but allowing it to send its forces (And hostile wildlife) to Earth, to destroy the systems that caused this-To stop the cascade with the death of every human in the facility. To this end, it maintained the cascade in a lesser form.  

The Meddler had predicted something of this sort. He had...preparations in place. Including two agents of chaos...

Gordon Freeman awakes to the destroyed remains of the Anti-Mass Spectrometer, dazed and confused. He has seen alien worlds, and nearly died several times. They won’t be the last for a very long time.

Adrian Shepard’s unit is alerted to their next deployment. They gear up, enter the choppers, and ride. A Manta Ray that shits lasers destroys their helicopter, and Adrian Shepard is glad he charged his vest that morning.

Barney Calhoun desperately tries to escape the deadly forces that were flooding the facility. He was not a piece in a cosmic game. He was just...some guy.

An unexpected enemy appears. Marauders that only seek to steal resources before greater threats stake claim on this newly opened world. They are repelled by the Meddler’s more trained agent, as Adrian Shepard trades one amoral faceless master that decided who he killed for another.

But the Psychic Force...The Nihilanth. Its death would come by a different hand. One clad in orange and black, swinging a bright red strip of metal. Gordon Freeman frees a race, stops an alien invasion, and was prepared to die in an impossible world for his troubles-all to save lives. But he did good work. He was the right man for the job. He’s “Hired”. 

In the end, the Meddler’s plans worked better than anyone could expect. His true targets were alerted, preparing their forces to take the Earth. The lesser marauders repelled and the psychic barrier dealt with, making the blue marble seem an even sweeter prize. Several agents obtained for his schemes, to be deployed when and where they would be appropriate. Dangerous alien life and Portal Storms-the aftershocks of a Resonance Cascade-prevented the governments from truly being able to prepare. 

The Combine arrive. The war lasts seven hours. Wallace Breen negotiates humanity’s surrender. Isaac Kleiner and Eli Vance firmly disagree with this course of action. Judith Mossman, another survivor of the Black Mesa Incident, is less sure. 

The last human child for the next two decades is born. The Combine establish a field that prevents human procreation. Other hostile alien life begins to take hold-Antlion Nests, hives of Headcrabs, Barnacles spreading, ichthyosaurs stalking the oceans and lakes. Combine weapons-made from heavily modified creatures from previous conquests-are regularly deployed, roaming the streets in shows of force. Humans are converted into their police, enhanced infantry, special forces...and lobotimized worker slaves. 

The Meddler waits for a red-letter day, and he chooses his agent carefully. To destroy a machine like the Combine, one needed not a precision implement. Military training would do nothing against a force that conquered worlds in hours. No, Adrian Shepard-a knife in human sheath-would be unfit for this.

What one needed to destroy the Combine was a blunt thing. A force of chaos that couldn’t be stopped. Whose strength was matched only by his luck. His intelligence, matched only by his willingness to do things like drive a muscle car into hyper-agile flechette-firing cyborgs, or throw a toilet at a man’s face so hard his skull is obliterated and he backflips twice before hitting the ground. Or fight a helicopter from an airboat equipped with a fully automatic plasma cannon.

To break a machine of World Consumption, the G-Man would ram a crowbar into the mechanism, just where it can cause the maximum damage-and keep causing damage to the entire thing. The right man in the wrong place.

Gordon Freeman wakes up on a train car, as it pulls into the City 17 station, deeply confused and disoriented. The moment he steps out, a floating camera photographs his face-which would soon enough be processed and identified as Anticitizen One, Gordon Freeman, the most wanted man on the planet-who had been gone for twenty years and looked identical to the day the Black Mesa Incident occurred. Minus the ponytail. His old boss is on a giant viewscreen. One of the aliens he used to fight is sweeping. Cops in gasmasks maintain a fascist state and he’s somewhere in Eastern Europe. His confusion and disorientation deepens severely.

Wallace Breen receives notice that Gordon Freeman had been sighted. A pit forms in his stomach. He feels a familiar hand in this. Within a few days, he will be screaming high-concept threats from an ascending sphere of energy as a former research assistant flings tightly condensed plasma orbs at him with a gravity cannon.

The G-Man continues to meddle, despite the intervention of a hive mind of benevolent psychics. His plans are, for the most part, undeterred. However...

He begins to regret deploying Gordon Freeman. Chaos, while able to be directed, is quite hard to wrangle when it’s gotten loose. For now, Freeman continues to act in favor of the disruption of Combine operations. But...his personal connection to a secondary objective-another new agent to recruit-sours the G-man’s elation at a plan more or less well executed. The end of this, however, is still untold. 

Because who fucking knows when they’re making Half Life Goddamn 3.

[tanoraqui]

ahh can you post which character goes with which handle? i think i've puzzled out most of them but i can't figure out which ones are lan xichen, lan wangji, or jiang yanli :D also who is grieflessAspirant bc that is a /very/ good name

fair question. @animatedamerican, too. An explanation (also I’ve tweaked a couple of the names):

YunmengJiang:

grieflessAspirant [GA] ectoPatriarch [EP] - Wei Wuxian “griefless” in reference to the translation of wuxian, “no envies”; “grief” can mean both “sorrow” and “grudge”, both of which he lacks (or at least tries very hard to never show). “aspirant” meaning “a person who has ambitions to achieve something”, with fairly positive, hopeful connotations?  Then the Burial Mounds, the Yiling Patriarch, and the change to something wholy outside the DNA-based structure of the others, representative of WWX’s inherently rule-breaking nature; “ecto” as allusion to our one and only ectoBiologist as well as, of course, ghostly ectoplasm

trivenomCommandant [TC] - Jiang Cheng Sandu Shengshou, “master of the three poisons”, natch. “Commandant” specifically means “officer in charge of a particular force or institution“, which, idk, feels good for Jiang Sect

aqueousConcord [AC] - Jiang Yanli someone in this family had to get an allusion to water. previously achieveConcord but I think “concord” alone is good - “agreement or harmony between people or groups”

GusuLan:

chevalierAlight [CA] - Lan Wangji Hanguang-jun, “light-bearing lord”, natch - but specifically, “alight” means glowing himself and “chevalier” is a chivalrous man and member of certain orders of knighthood - very fitting

gardeningTruth [GT] - Lan Xichen “gardening” as allusion to Zewu-jun, which means, like, “lord of the overflowing garden”?? I’m a little unclear. Also gardening is a classic Homestuck thing, see: Jade. “Truth” - even now, I’m considering changing it to “Tranquility”, but that feels kinda overlappy with JYL, and “truth” sounds nicely profound, and has that good good contrast with guile...

LanlingJin

ascendantGold [AG] - Jin Zixuan listen I unironically like this boy but you know he’s gonna put “gold” in his name and you know he’s gonna put something about being the best. Other considerations were “apexGold” and “acmeGold” (and a bunch of other stuff, but not repeating letter combos took precedence.) If the characters were Alternian/Beforan trolls, the Jins would probably be cerulean, and JZX would get constant grief for his handle suggesting that he’s a yellow - and it’d be ENTIRELY his own fault.

transcendingGuile [TG] - Jin Guangyao ngl this is one of my favorites. Is he transcending past guile, into honesty, hard work, etc? Or is he an embodiment of guile, transcending social structures, discrimination, etc? Well, the latter, but gee you could sure mistake it for the former.

accomplishedTenacity autonomousTenacity [AT] - LuoQingyang (”Mianmian”) sometimes I’m just picking a name I think the person would choose for themselves at age 12 or so - and, in this case, later change when she ditches Jin Sect. These are things Mianmian is, or certainly should be proud of: her tenacity (standing up for WWX, ably becoming a rogue cultivator), her accomplishments (skilled cultivator, socially able, etc), and later her independence.

gayApostle ghastlyApostate [GA] - Mo Xuanyu “gay” as in “happy”, you guys! Totally! “Apostle” as in one of the 12 disciples of Jesus Christ, “apostate” as “one who denounces a religious or political belief or principle”. Changed upon his expulsion from Carp Tower, of course. “Ghastly” to describe both his state of apostacy and as reference to the undead.

QingheNie

crimsonCutlass [CC] - Nie Mingjue Chifeng-zun, “red blade master”, natch. I feel like, when making up alternate titles for people in AUs, NMJ’s is the one I always most just leave as-is? But that’s because it’s one of the most badass as-is, so...

agnosticArtisan [AA] - Nie Huaisang I was trying very hard to figure out where in this set I could get some variation on “gnostic”, bc it actually shows up twice in Homestuck - gnosticGardener, tipstyGnostalgic. At the same time, I was digging desperately through synonyms for “ignorant”, “uncertainty”, etc, for our favorite Headshaker...when I remembered that “agnostic” literally means “without knowledge.” So! “Artisan” for the fans and other artistic endeavors, of course - though note that it’s not “artist” - an artisan is “a worker in a skilled trade, especially one that involves making things by hand.” High-stakes vengeful politics is a skilled trade, right?

QishanWen

gentlemanGallant ghostGeneral [GG] - Wen Ning my poor sweet child who is polite and kind (and little bit ruthless), and wanted to live a life that was brave, heroic, chivalrous (ie, gallant)...

tempestuousAsclepiad [TA] - Wen Qing just apt, I think? “Tempestuous” for her willingness - nay, yearning - to fucking throttle you (”characterized by strong and turbulent or conflicting emotion”); “Asclepiad” for how she will only do this once you’re no longer legally her patient. Probably.

Yi City

capriciousThanologist [CT] / [Anonymous] - Xue Yang “thanologist” from Greek Thanos, meaning death - “one who studies death.” Full credit to Xue Yang, the man put his work in studying and developing this shit. “Capricious” because, well...yeah. (Also see: terminallyCapricious, ie, Gamzee.)

consummateGentility [CG] - Xiao Xingchen altogether, “complete or perfect social superiority as demonstrated by polite, refined, or respectable manners, behavior, or appearances”. I mean...isn’t he just? I considered a change to “contriteGentility” after the Baixue Temple massacre, but ultimately decided the constancy of consummate was more important.

gelidConfidant [GC] - Song Lan “gelid” meaning icy or cold, reference to him being called “the winter frost” (yes I DID try to figure out something about the summer breeze for XXC, but it didn’t work.) For “confidant”, I wanted something about Song Lan’s loyalty. I’m not entirely satisfied with “a person with whom one shares a secret or private matter, trusting them not to repeat it to others“, but, well...at least it’s bitterly ironic once his tongue is cut out?

tiresiasThieves [TT] - A-Qing Tiresias from The Illiad is the ORIGINAL (in Western mythology) Blind Seer trope, which of course is perfect for the blind girl who is the only one who sees clearly even once she IS blinded, not to mention dead. As for “thieves”, well. This Tiresias certainly does.

[sweet-star-cookie]

legit it’s 7am and there are probably a million things that I could do to express my feelings right now and yet this is all I could come up with

YOU HAD ONE JOB, 2019

O N E

[kindaline]

top songs throughout sept-oct.

co-joined post because life’s been hectic ever since school started and i had no time or energy to make these...

pentagon - daisy (this is a FUCKING masterpiece! the mv, the styling the song itself, pentagon’s best comeback to date if you ask me)

dahye - poison (the FLAVORR, very nice remake, surely bringing some diversity into the recent releases)

stray kids - back door (stray kids single-handedly saved september for me with this comeback, i was and am still literally addicted to this song. better make the most of it bc it’s rare i love a song of theirs this much)

everglow - la di da (probably the comeback i was most exctied for these past two months, since they are currently my fav gg and let’s say i was not dissapointed by this)

dawn - dawndididawn ft. jessi (another release i was really excited for, the 2000s, emo and overall nostalgic vibe this has, with the addition of how vibey it issss, truly a masterpiece as well)

seventeen - 24h (been obsessed with this for a while, their japanese releases always hold such great aesthetics, just like this)

seventeen - left & right (have mentioned this song in a post like this when it came out, but only did i recently start being absolutely obsessed with it)

the boyz - whiplash (personally didn’t like the stealer although it has grown on me since, but the album itself holds some serious gems, for ex. whiplash)

weki meki - cool (was also excited for this comeback, have posted about how lua stole my heart and such. starting to like the song more, the styling and mv makes up for what it lacks)

verivery - G. B. T. B. (unbelievably energetic, hits hard af the rap verses and vocals make up for the slightly generic chorus, the muffled parts are absolute genius as well as the edm part with the choreo...i just love it a lot)

xum - ddalala (for a debut this sure holds potential, the song itself is addicting. the choreo is satisfying as hell, similarly to the mv. they didn’t chicken out halfway, went through with the sexiness - i can only praise them, hope they keep it up...cough also the slight sapphic undertonessss)

precious - bebe (another great debut of the previous months, i was first a lil concerned when they started with the action-movie like intro but then their unique voices got me, the chorus’ little bebe, oh bebe part is in itself enough to make this succesful tbh, takes many turns that makes it a little all over the place but somehow pulls it off)

a.c.e - favorite boys (ok, before y’all drag me! i know i’m late. but truth be told when i first listened i didn’t like it that much, but ig the feminine charm got my bi ass in the end. still not too sure about how much i like it but we’ll see how well it grows on me) 

cix - jungle (you guys know how much i love this kind of sound from how much i used to obsess over golden child’s similar sounding songs, totally in love with this)

txt - blue hour (um so first ever txt song i genuienly like...that, yeah that’s pretty much it)

p1harmony - siren (not sure about the song just yet, but sure is a very impressive debut and i can see that all the members are not only visuals but very talented, props to them very high quality for a debut!)

yezi - 미묘 (sure never dissapoints, she managed to make a more chill rap song but still spit fire)

d-crunch - across the universe (GUYS 80K ONLY, SERIOUSLY?! they deserve so much more hype and attention, they are one of the most talented rookies and not only tthat but come from a small company, like this shit hits hard af get on it!!!)

dkb - work hard (catchy and somehow feels very homey, they deserve more attention for sure but that’s been my opinion since their debut lmao)

album(s) of september & october

dawndididawn by dawn

-77.82X-78.29 by everglow

we:th by pentagon

songs in bold are my ult. favs of the months!

brackets contain a little opinion or context!

check out my spotify playlist for these months!

[trashpandaorigins]

The Body Keeps the Score Ch. 22 Windows to the Soul

"You said it yourself bitch, we're the Guardians of the Galaxy." Gamora is finally a part of something. But the past always follows you, eats at you and she must come to grips with her deeds as she tries to build a future. Meanwhile Rocket has never cared much for anyone or anything. Together the two of them discover they are more alike than different and try to heal themselves by befriending the other.

*Content Warnings: Mentions of child/animal abuse, trauma, character death, physical torture/pain*

Title of this fic is taken from the book of the same title "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma," by Bessel van der Kolk

But I've got you, you, you, you, you, hey

And you've got me, me, me, me, too

Like we're buckled and preparing for the crash

Like we're walking down a road of broken glass

Now if we defeat all odds and it was us against the world

You can count on me, you know I'd have your back

God, it hurts to be human

Without you, I'd be losing

And someday, we'll face the music

God, it hurts to be human

P!NK Hurts 2B Human

“You have a lot to answer for Daughter of Thanos.” Denarian Dey growled, Gamora’ stomach curled, heart beating erratically in her chest. “Search the area, bring out any survivors.”

Nebula…

Gamora secretly hoped her sister had been able to escape. She hadn’t stuck around to find the raccoonoid but made a run for it shortly after he’d been dragged away. Guilt and rage whirled in her chest.

“You won’t find any,” she managed through pained breath. Dey only glared at her. Gamora tightened her grip on her sword.

Twenty….plus more in their ships.

“Dey...we can explain,” she tried.

“You had your chance,” he snapped, stepping forward. “We found the black box in the rubble of one of the ships we sent after you. Subject 89P13 tore the throat out of one of our pilots,” Gamora shot a look upward at Rocket who at least had the decency to look ashamed, ears drooping on either side of his head. “...you killed the others.”

“Gamora,” Peter stood next to her, hand on his own blaster. A momentary breath of relief escaped her as he did so. Drax was not too far behind, his own knives already out and ready.

“We found them!”

All heads snapped around, two Nova corps officers dragged the bodies of the Halfworlders out of the building. Next to her, the raccoonoid sucked in a sharp breath.

“Bullet wounds. They were shot.”

Gamora held her breath, watching Dey survey the corpses. His shoulders heaved with rage, misplaced though it was.

“I….”

“She didn’t kill em’” Rocket snarled from her shoulder. “I did.”

Dey’s brows only furrowed further.

“You are still under legal ownership of your creator.”

Gamora almost winced at the prick of his claws tightening on her scalp where he held on.

“You will be taken back to Xandar, daughter of Thanos.”

“Dey!” Peter stepped between them, hand out placating in peace. “We can explain, we can make this right. There’s no need for this!”

“This does not concern you Star Boy.”

Peter’s back straightened in anger, the usual tepidity of his temper heating to a boil.

“It’s Star Lord and what you do with members of my crew does concern me! We’re the Guardians of the Galaxy!”

Dey smirked, glowering at Gamora.

“Seems some of you are more invested in endangering it than guarding it.”

You did kill those Nova officers….and the Halfworlders…. Gamora whispered to herself amid the tension. They are right daughter of Thanos. All you do is kill and hurt.  If you were in a Xandarian prison you would not be able to hurt anyone. Perhaps it is for the best…. the cybernetics in the limbs ached. She wanted to drop her sword, she wanted to give up the fight and lay in her bunk...she wanted to tease Peter and listen to music.

“You,” he directed his gaze to Gamora. “Come with us, now. Or we will make you.”

The Nova officers stepped forward, guns aimed. Gamora resigned herself, her muscles wound tight amid the pain like a spring ready to go off. While her mind spun doubts, her body would not go down without a fight.

“Wait!” Rocket hopped down from his perch. She rolled her shoulder, winching at the kinks that knotted in her muscles.

“.....I’ll go with you…” Gamora watched him drop his gun with a heavy thud. “Let them go free….and, I’ll go with you back to….to her.”

Damn it Rocket what are you doing?

“You’d go back to your creator?” Dey demanded.

“Yeah.”

“Without a fight?”

“Does it look like I... I’m ….u...up for fightin’?” Rocket snarls, but the heavy slouch of his back betrays him.

“Do not go with them furry friend!” Drax implored, Gamora turned. Groot clung to the large muscular arms of the Destroyer, large wide gaze still so full of fear. Her heart panged with sympathy not for the first time for the little twig.

“You killed these people?” Dey gestured to the dead Halfworlders.

“Can yah blame me?”

Help him!....What could I possibly do? Attack? Kill Dey? It would be easy. You know you want to. Daughter of Thanos. No….NO. I will not.

Gamora forced herself to sheath her sword with a heavy hand.

“Dey. Star Lord is right. There is no need for this,” she began slowly as though she were approaching Thanos. Trying to talk him out of one of his more violent fantasies of planet wide destruction…. not that I was ever successful.

Dey tightened the grip on his gun, leveling it to her chest once more. Her arms ached at being held upward, the wires between her veins twanged with agitation. She bit the inside of her cheek.

“What happened was a misunderstanding.”

“What happened was you murdered a dozen Xandrians! Prime was right not to trust you,” his eyes swept the entirety of the group with heated rage.

“We’ll take the rat back to its owner and you’ll be glad that’s all we’re taking.”

Dey motioned for his men, four of the escorting Rocket towards their ship. The raccoonoid, spared a glance over his shoulder while they led him away, willingly.

What…?

Gamora tried to guess, whatever Rocket was trying to communicate was lost to Drax and Peter’s shouting.

“You can’t do this!”

“Unhand our vermin companion!” Drax demanded he propelled himself forward only to be met by guns.

“Just….just take care of Groot okay? Don’t let him get into trouble and don't let Star-Shit feed him anything weird..I…”

“Move, rat!”

“I am G...grooot!”

The flora wailed, before Gamora could intercede a shot of green flashed past her, aimed at the offer holding Rocket’s shoulder. He grunted, swiping forward, slicing the small vine in a single swoop. Rocket tensed, baring his teeth. Groot let out a grunt of indignation though thankfully, Gamora thought-he did not appear to be in pain. Drax held the little flora back, even as he tried to grow another vine.

The Nova officer shoved Rocket roughly forward and he made no move to resist.

“Rocket!

Quill shouted, but the raccoonoid only shuttered with a pain Gamora recognized.

The cables in his back are no doubt still tender...

She tightened the grip on her sword, watching Rocket’s ringed tail disappear into the Nova ship, door sliding shut and locking.

“I suggest you get moving before I change my mind,” Dey sneered.

It’s not too late. You could fight him, one move that’s all it would take. A stab straight to the chest...or the gut if you really want to have fun, her old voice taunted. Gamora swallowed, hoping he could not see how badly her arms shook. With a curt nod, eyes unblinking in their defiant fury, Gamora turned away, back to the Benatar.

“Come on,” she ordered Peter, gripping his shoulder.

We tracked him down this far, we can do it again.

Peter met her gaze, face slowly morphing from rage, to understanding. He nodded, motioning for Drax and Groot to follow them to the ship.

“I am gg...g...grr..groot!”

Groot gasped through his tears of sap, reaching out towards the Nova ship as it began to take off.

“Shhh, we will go after him.”

A small seed of warmth temporarily curled in Gamora’s stomach at the sound of Drax cooing, quite paternally, to the small flora. She allowed herself to enjoy the feeling briefly, before climbing into the co-pilot seat next to Peter.

“They’ll be expecting us to go after him,” he warned slowly.

“I know. That’s why we aren’t going after him,” Gamora punched the keys for take off. “Not yet. We’ll wait on a nearby keystone for a few turns before making any moves.”

The Benatar jolted and rattled as if out of a slumber, coming to life and lifting off with a metallic creaking, not at all reassuring.

“But by that point he could already be…” Peter glanced towards Groot, then drew a silent finger across his throat.

“Yes, he could already be dead,” Drax affirmed, mimicking Peter’s motion. Groot burst into a new round of tears.

“Drax just… calm him down okay please? Peter, don’t open your mouth for the next few hours, I need to think.”

Peter clamped his jaw shut, instead turning his attention to the tape deck and music swelled as Gamrora steered the ship out of Halfworld’s atmosphere.

Good riddance...the place reeks like Thano’s ship. A flash of Nebula’s sneering face flashed through her mind at the thought. Nebula, she got away… again. We should go after her. We should…

“I am Groot!!”

Gamora’s heart hitched, understanding what the little flora had cried. She tapped the controls in anxiety. We can get Nebula after.

---

“Gamora...I think you should see this,” Peter poked his head into her room. His face immediately blushing at the sight of her working out. She set down her weights, wiping sweat off with the back of her hand.

“Is it Nova?”

“Yeah...but...it’s not...it’s well...you should see for yourself.”

She stood, sighing. For the past five turns they had done nothing but lay low and try to strategize while in the off hours of sleep Nebula’s face haunted her. Gamora walked with heavy steps, she would have stopped to take Peter’s hand. Any sense of warm reassurance. But she couldn’t. It’s not the time or place.

The radar monitor blinked incessantly. Red flashing,  a distress signal. Gamora craned her neck outward towards the large windows of the ship, stomach dropping.

Is that…?

Peter guided the Benatar closer towards the signal, hovering over a large keystone.

No...

Gamora held her breath, watching the plume of black smoke contrast against the blacker expansive of the galaxy. Brilliant flames snapped and danced around charred metal. Metal that had been painted blue and gold. The three sunned insignia of the Nova Corps now peeled and curled in the heat of the engine fluid.

“Maybe it wasn’t the ship that took him,” Drax reasoned. But Gamora knew. Her gut told her, the cybernetics in her jaw synching with pain.

“We need to look for survivors! Someone...anyone!”

“I am Groot?”

“We don’t know that yet,” Gamora responded with little question to the flora’s fear. Drax already began hitching up his gear. He winced as the aerorig rippled across his torso.

“Be careful out there,” Peter warned, a  worried look passing between the four of them. Gamora, watched the destroyer from the cockpit, training her eyes on his busy hands as he poked through the wreckage. At each turn of metal she jolted, expecting to see burnt blackened fur.

He went with them for my sake. So I wouldn’t be imprisoned. Of course he did, that’s the least he can do after what he did.

The sliding of the Benatar’s doors shook Gamora from her thoughts,

“Well…?”

Drax looked at her, expression dull, he shook his head.

“Th...that’s okay!” Peter’s voice shook, “That’s fine! Maybe it was the wrong ship! Maybe he got away!”

Drax only  shrugged, doubt plain.

That is the same ship. You know it, Drax knows it.

Gamora's stomach churned with something between guilt and anger.

Selfish little creep...he...he should’ve let us fight for him. He shouldn’t have gone so easily! You should've fought for Nebula, you should not have let her get away.

Gamora heard the sound three turns later. After silent hours of unspoken grief and confusion. Peter trying harder and harder to make excuses, to be optimistic. Even his spontaneity was beginning to dwindle. Groot hardly said anything, wilting in his pot mournfully.

Beep beep beep,

Gamora dove over to the transmission station,

Its’s the Nova Corps...or Nebula,

“Incoming message,”

“Play it.”

“If you're looking for your mascot,” her sister’s iron voice taunted through the mic. “I have him with me in the second sector of the Keystone quadrant. I’ll send you a signal. I want Gamora to come and I want her alone. You hear that, sister? Alone. If you try to pull anything I’ll know.”

Gamora sucked a breath, it's a trap. A joke.

“How do I know you won’t kill me as soon as I get within range?”

Millions of potential strategies and outcomes poured through her mind, running down the litany of possible ulterior motives.

“I won’t.”

She smirked despite herself,

“Forgive me I don’t believe that.”

“How do we know you aren’t lying about Rocket?”

Peter interjected. Gamora turned back to the transmitter.

“Quill relax, it’s fine. I’m here,” the unmistakable.

“Rocket! “

Gamora grunted as Drax shoved her out of the way, barreling forward with so much momentum he nearly braced himself on the transmission controls.

“Has the scary blue woman hurt you? We will come at once!”

A scuffle on the other end of the line for a few minutes, pure static then Nebula’s icy voice once more.

“Gamora. Come alone. We have things to discuss.”

“Nebula, what are you….?”

The line clicked off.

---

“So you’re going?”

Peter had made his way into her bunk the following turn.

I don’t have time for this,

Gamora slid another dagger into her belt.

“What choice do I have?”

She muttered, as per usual, Nebula was holding the cards, just like Thanos has always held the cards. Held sway over her. But no longer. You sure about that? She asked herself. No.

“Rocket’s a smart guy, he can get himself out of there, and he didn’t sound particularly hurt. What’s the worst she can do? Call an exterminator?”

Gamora blinked, staring at Peter for a moment before shrugging, tired.

“I don’t understand that reference.”

“It’s like a pest control person who comes into your house and ...neverming.” He dropped it, instead snatching up one of her other swords.

Gamora let it slide, checking her weapons on her person once more.

“I’ll do as she asks, but I’m not going unprepared. I’m doing this for Groot.”

Peter looked up from the blade, matching her gaze. He smiled gently.

“See, I think you’re doing this for your younger self.”

Damn you Peter. You are secretly perceptive after all.

Gamora waved the thought away, forcing a grin through thin lips and strode past him. Stopping for a moment, and kissing his cheek.

“Keep the ship close. I’ll signal if I need anything.”

She lingered a moment, watching in amusement at his gaping mouth, eyes wide.

“I...y...y...yes! I will keep...close,” he stammered, dropping the knife. “I mean the a...the ship! I’ll keep the ship...c..close.”

His stark shock drew humor from him and she patted his shoulder. Beaming for the first time in days. He had that effect on her, as annoying as it were. But Gamora allowed herself the levity a warmth creeping into her heart.

“I know you will.”

---

Said warmth she clung to died as soon as Nebula came into view. The stolen Halfoworld ship stood idling nearby behind her. Gamora pulled her sword out of its sheath,

She’s armed...at least two guns and a stolen electrocutor from the lab.

“Where’s Rocket?”

Nebula smirked, shivers rippling up Gamora’s spine. She knew that look.

“I’m right here,” the raccoonoid growled, annoyed.

“How did you…?”

“Who do you think crashed the ship?”

Her attention darted back to her sister. Eyes narrowing. She tightened her grip around the handle of her weapon, heart hammering.

“Oh Gamora, you always did under-estimate me.”

Gamora pounced, rushing at the other woman, sword swinging.

I will not let her get away this time. Enough is enough.

Nebula grunted, sidestepping. Gamora made another attempt, spinning and bringing her arm down to strike the woman on the side of the head. Something sparked, the cybernetic cable in her arm, it pinched and stung. She cried out, arm seizing. Nebula’s nimble fingers closed tight around her wrist, and her sword clattered to the ground. Gamora reached for her belt with the other arm, fumbling for her dagger. Nebula turned, twisting her arm tighter. Gamora staggered as her other arm was bent behind her back.

“You never learn,” Nebula seethed close to her ear. “You think you know everything.”

Gamora grunted, trying to struggle out of her hold. Through the curtain of her hair, Rocket sat bored, legs crossed, fiddling with some gun she recognized as having belonged to a Nova officer.

“Rocket!”

“Just listen to her,” he mumbled, not looking up from his work.

He was in league with her…

“Let me go!”

Gamora tried to slide from her grip, but Nebula bore down. The metal in her spine burned and stung under her sister’s weight. She synched her hands behind her back, unrelenting.

“Let me go!”

“Why so you can fight me?”

“You’re trying to kill me!”

Harsh laughter cut through her erratic thoughts.

“I’m not trying to kill you Gamora!”

The cybernetically enhanced woman tried to turn her head, just enough to see into Nebula’s black eyes…

Her head...it’s all flesh...where’s the metal plating?

Of course she’d noticed this in the lab...but now..seeing it here, was all the more striking.

“Y...yes you are!”

Gamora shouted, more in indignation than anything else.

“No! I’m not!”

She let go with such a force Gamora fell forward, snatching her fallen sword and spinning it around facing Nebula, heaving for breath.

Breathe….in...out...good. In...out through the pain….in out…

“You always were the dumb one. You may have been better at fighting but you were always an idiot.”

Gamora rolled her eyes but stayed put. She’d fought enough battles to know when you were at a disadvantage. When to stop while you still had your head.

“Why do you think I was in that lab?” Nebula demanded. Gamora briefly looked over her shoulder to Rocket, who hardly acknowledged either of them.

“He wanted to make a deal, he wanted to help you kill me!”

“Ha!” Nebula shifted her stance, hands on her hips defiantly.

“He didn’t want to help me kill you, he wanted me to stop killing you!”

She’s lying.

Gamora struggled to look at Rocket. This time, he met her eyes. Red and vacant and unreadable as ever, but his whiskers twitched in recognition. Her stomach dropped.

“....he….he wanted you to stop trying to kill me?”

She stood, trying not to shake. Nebula’s lips formed a thin line.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Nebula shrugged, noncommittal.

“And...did you agree?”

Dread hitched in her belly, not wanting to know the answer. It was better this way. Her trying to kill me. Me trying to defend myself. Better. Simpler...simpler then..

“You're breathing now aren’t you?”

She nodded, dumbly.

“He offered to take me to that Halfworld place and un-do what Thanos, what you did to me.” Gamora opened her mouth to argue but she continued.

“So here you are, alive.”

Gamora took a shaky breath.

He went to Halfworld...willingly….risked going back there...on his own terms. Gamora tried not to think of the metal in his skin, of the wires in her own body. Tried not to think of him hanging there suspended from wires coming out of his back like an old piece of machinery. She tried not to think of Ebony Maw and his tools and the cold table and the harsh lights. Tried not to think...

“Why’d you agree to do it?”

Nebula looked down at her arm, the one that had once been metal, no faux flesh. The more Gamora looked at her...the more normal she looked. Maybe all she ever wanted to was to be the best by her own merit, without any enhancements. She couldn’t fault her for that.After all, she wanted the same thing once. Now it was too late.

“I’m sorry,” she choked.

Sorry for mistaking her? For what Thanos did?  She wasn’t sure.

“Just take the rat and go.”

“Nebula…”

A thousand words swam around her mind, each of them inadequate.

“I promised him I wouldn’t kill you. I didn’t say the same about Thanos.”

Gamora spied a slight smirk flashing across her sister’s face if only for a moment.

“Go, take the fur ball.”

“That’s not very nice Nebs.”

Rocket fitted the Nova Corps gun back into his holster.

Gamora nodded, ears ringing and began to back away slowly unable to look at the raccoonoid.

---

“I’m going to have to face him sooner or later,” Gamora reasoned four turns later. They’d made it back to the ship silently. While Groot, Drax and Peter clapped and cheered, she’d watched Nebula’s ship drift away, out into whatever lay beyond. That night through the celebration of drinks and music, Gamora allowed herself to take Peter’s hand and sway and forth. It was different from dancing. Her feet hardly moved. It was in no way similar.

Now they were headed further out, toward the Nexus quadrant. Better to stay under the radar of the Nova Corps for a while.

Gamora had gone over it in her head, so many times. Nebula. Rocket.

He went to Halfworld knowing the risk. Going back to the place he was tortured. Would I do the same? Go back to Thanos...to save… Peter of course. But him?

“I think he’ll listen,” Peter rubbed a tentative hand in circles around her back. They sat together in his room. Gamora forced a laugh,

“Do you even know him?”

“It’s worth a shot,” he encouraged. She smiled, wanting desperately to put her head on his shoulder, to stay here and rest with him.

“You have too much faith in people,” she mused.

“You have too little.”

She savored the moment, leaning against him and allowing him to plant a small kiss on her forehead before standing and going to look for Rocket.

---

“I thought I might find you here,” she tried to play it smooth, ascending the ladder up to the roof of the ship. They had landed on a small uninhabited planet.

“I am Groot!”

The little flora giggled playfully in Rocket’s lap, growing a tiny white flower and sticking it to his jumpsuit.

“A’right, a’right, enough!” The raccoonoid made to shoo him away without much effort.

“Glad to see you and Groot are getting along,”

Rocket’s ear twitched, he shrugged and helped the flora up to his clumsy wooden feet.

“What do you want?”

“I…”

The words caught in her throat. Gamora sat down beside him, hopefully far enough away to avoid getting scratched.

“I wanted to thank…”

“Don’t thank me.”

Rocket waved a dismissive hand. He shrugged off the vine Groot had tried to grow around his finger and stared off into the distant stars above them.

“I never thought I’d go back to that fucking place.”

“Then why did you do it?”

Gamora could no longer hold down the question she’d been asking herself the entire time. She watched him pick something at his fur.

“Cuz’...when you do something wrong...yah gotta make up for it,” he sighed. “Pay it back or whatever...and...change...especially if it’s someone...lo…”

Gamora did not need to hear the rest to know what he meant.

“Who taught you that? Groot?”

“You,” Rocket answered sharply but not unkind. He stared at his own nimble little paws.

Gamora bit her tongue, looking at him. His shoulders just as tense as hers. She could see the fresh wounds still healing on the back of his neck and his collar, even under the fur.

“I lied about the scans,” she blurted, louder than she meant to. Luckily Drax was asleep in his bunk, Peter was no doubt listening to music and only the soft wind answered her outburst. “The scans...when I said I saw them and that you didn’t have a heart...I lied.”

The hair on his neck raised,

“You lied?”

Gamora pulled the data pad from behind her,

“I did. But we can find out the truth.”

He looked at the blank screen with his red eyes and took it carefully. Turning it on silently with trepidation.  

“Wait,”

To her surprise Rocket halted, looking at he with...what she could only describe as confusion.

“Before you look at the scans. Put your hand here,”

She lay the flat of her palm against the smooth warm metal of the Benatar. Rocket followed suit, feeling it with sensitive fingers.

“Feel that?”

Rocket’s ears flicked,

“Yeah?”

The ship thrummed with power, even while idle. A steady, rhythmic motion.

“Now feel here,”

Gamora held out her hands, palms facing up. Rocket looked at her, nose sniffing.

Those eyes... for the first time she recognized something within them. Longing...for acceptance...for knowledge of himself... much the way she felt. Who was she? Who could she be if not Thanos daughter, if not afraid and running from Nebula? She no longer had to be aunty of those things. She could find out what and why she felt for Peter when they swayed to the music. She could find out how good of a friend she could be to Drax, she could be free to see how she could care for Groot. Rocket made sure I got that chance free of fear from Nebula...at least fear of her killing me.

Small sharps claws barely grazed her skin.

“Feel that?”

“It’s your pulse.”

She nodded.

“Exactly, now…” she nodded to the data pad.

Rocket nodded, tapping fervently. Gamora flitted her eyes down on to the screen recognizing the script from the vials and machines in the lab. He tapped away until a scan of himself came up. Green and black outlines criss crossed every which way.

Organic and mechanical matter.

“Gamora….”  Rocket’s voice shook. “Look,” he pointed at the chest of the diagram, a small green outline of a heart. “I… I think I have a heart.”

Gamora could not conceal her smile, nearly reaching out to hug him.

“You do Rocket,” she managed to compose herself. “Of course you do.” He looked up at her, smiling the first true smile she’d seen since Groot awoke for the first time in his pot. “I was wrong about you,” she admitted laughing absurdly.

“I was wrong about you too Gams, I never should’ve made a stupid deal w that Nova lady, trust me. I….I’m sorry Gams.’ his eyes, vacant and a little glossy shined in the night.

“I want to Rocket….I...I’m sure I will. Soon...just...not yet.”

The raccoonoid nodded, understanding, looking at here. Somehow, someway, Gamora could see them, into them. No longer obscure orbs of nocturnal bewilderment but...like her own. Full of feeling and of meaning. Windows to the soul.

Rocket dropped the data pad, it landed with a small clatter. He opened his arms.

“....are you...drunk?”

Gamora wondered skeptically under the strange impression he was asking for a hug.

“I’m good, I’m good” he tried to convince her, unconvincingly.

Gamora sighed,

“...your…”

Two small furry arms wound around her neck, Gamora found herself returning the gesture arms going around him in turn.

“I am Groot?” The flora wiggled his way between them, vines creeping around their torso’s.

“I know you killed a lotta people but if you never killed those people may you never woulda wanted to leave...and you never would’ve found us.”

“I...I’m charmed Rocket,” she bit back a laugh but she understood his true intention. They stayed that way for a while drawing quiet comfort.

“I’m glad I found you all,” she said it to herself as much as to Rocket. “I’m glad I found you.”

Rocket tensed a little in her hold but did not pull away. He relaxed into the hug once more, tightening his grip.

Whatever answer she was going to give was lost in the comfortability of the moment.The two of them sitting there, with all of their regrets and scars and maybe...some amount of hope for themselves and the other too. Hope that things could be better.

Thanos may have taught me to hate and resent...made me loathe myself and what I’ve done. But maybe Rocket..taught me it’s not too late. Not too late for either of us.

Gamora hugged him tight, feeling their hearts beat. Her’s slow, his faster, both of them wounded and scarred and damaged but stronger than ever and steady and learning to be true.

The End

[jessthebooklover]

Fav Songs/Music at this Very Moment

Many thanks to the wonderful and amazing @oldstuffnewstuff for tagging me in this 💞

Rules: list your top 10 fav songs/music that you’re currently listening to.

I’m just going to list what I had on repeat these past few days, I guess you can also list what you are listening to at the moment or what you have on your current playlists, idk

1.Here by Alessia Cara (I finally found the Caleb Widogast playlist and I relate so much to this sad wizard boy)

2. I Don’t Need A Man by miss A (so catchy and relatable)

3.Moment 4 Life by Nicki Minaj and Drake (I don’t usually listen to rap, but I heard this on my birthday last week on a 2000′s kids nostalgia mix on youtube and I had it on repeat all week, it’s so good)

4.Daughter of the Sea by Laura Bailey from Warbringers: Jaina from WoW (I am currently reading Tides of War and I love how everything connects, good job on that Blizz)

5.Fermata by Girls' Generation-Oh!GG (I feel really stuck in life and this song is really helping me a lot to cope with everything)

6.Alone Together by Fall Out Boy (I have this on my On Repeat spotify playlist since December and I regret nothing, it gives me some big Kell x Lila vibes)

7.Message Man by twenty one pilots (still trying to finish A Conjuring of Light which I probably won’t very soon because I started the book I mentioned above and this is my anthem for my sweet boy Kell)

8.Reason To Become A Witch by NS Yoon-G(I forgot how I stumbled upon this song but I had it on repeat ever since then)

9.A Little Bit Stronger by Sara Evans (I’m not going through a break up but I just feel this song ok?it’s an entire mood)

10.Palette by IU and G-Dragon (I just remembered how much I love this song)

Here are the 10 songs that I currently can’t get enough of(the explanations are my thing, you guys don’t need to go that far if you don’t want to), hope you’ll have fun if you wanna give it a try which brings me to the tags thing (If you wanna do it and you’re not tagged here please go ahead and do it!)

I tag: @daenerys-the-unburnt, @icameheretowinry, @graaaaceeliz, @lilacs-with-lavender, @paperinfinities, @popping-pills-at-popeyes Feel free to ignore as usual!

Stay safe and have a great day/night wherever you are!

[jarmes]

Blind Shield Nuzlocke Notes 10 (Finale)

-Starting off the tenth and possibly final session

-Current Team: Freight the Coalossal, High Voltage the Toxtricity, Nosferatu the Dreadnaw, Riot the Falinks, Snowball the Frosmoth, Warrior the Grapploct

-I updated Warrior’s moves in preparation for Raihan, he now knows Drain Punch Waterfall Superpower and Ice Punch

-Even though Raihan is a dragon specialist, I’m not using Snowball. Last time he led with a Gigalith so I’m leading with Nosferatu and Warrior

Raihan

-Oh god he reworked his team for one on one battles there goes my plan

-Why the FUCK does he have a torkal

-Like, from a story perspective, why would he try to take out Charizard boi with a drought Pokémon?

-Whatever I’ll just use rock side

-OH FUCK IT MISSED AND NOW NOS HAS NO HEALTH SWITCHING TO FREIGHT

-Okay, it tanked a solar beam and it tanked a rock slide

-Second rock slide killed

-Raihan switched to Flygon, I switched to Snowball. Flygon Used sandstorm

-I’d use quicker dance, but I can’t risk a stone edge so I’m using Aurora beam

-Well, it used dragon claw so I messed up

-Turtonator? Time to switch back to freight and take no damage from that fire blast

-Rock slide, sunny day, miss, dragon pulse, rock slide, dead

-He sent out Goodra, dynamaxing and using Max rockfall

-Raihan Used rain dance? This team has a lot less synergy than the last one. Whatever, canceled it out with max rockfall

-Raihan made it rain, AGAIN, and died to a third max rockfall. Which made it sandstorm

-Unfortunely, dynamax wire off and he switched to GM Duraldon. Switching to Tiot cause freight is low

-Tanked a Max rockfall and Max knuckle, took half with a Brick Break

-OH GID MAX DEPLETION PUT ME AT 8 HP AND THERES A SANDSTORM

-Thank god, Close Combat killed and the battle ended

-Now for champion Leon and/or Tesla CEO Rose

Leon

-Dont know what he’ll use except Charizard and possibly Sobble. Putting Snowball up front because I know Charizard will be last and I may be able to sweep with quiver dance

-The cheering of the crowd fills you with determination

-“Wait, hold on!” Goddamn it rose

-“It’s time I brought about the darkest day, for Galars future of course” it’s called the darkest day you can’t be an antivillain and still call your plan the darkest day

-I knew dragonville tower was evil plan place

-“But you’re terrible at directions, what if you get lost along the way?”

-Hop acknowledges the fact that he sucks good

-Hell yeah! Going back to the slumbering weald to catch god!

-Oh sweet a life orb giving it to Warrior

-I’m glad they brought back the evil team interrupts the elite four thing from black and white

-Shield dog is in front because it is important

-Sonia can’t see god dogs because Sonia isn’t a stand user

-Getting Zelda vibes

-Honestly, the Shield is more fitting for a Nuzlocke than the sword. You aren’t trying to destroy, you’re trying to survive, to protect the team members you care about

-The dogs are dead, aren’t they

-I’m actually surprised I’m not just fighting Shield dog, this is different

-The leaders evacuated Hammerlocke, making themselves useful

-How did hop get past Oleana?

-Hey! It’s good mook! I forgot to mention her earlier but she’s cool

-Rampaging dynamax pokemon in the power plant hell yeah

-Eternatus! The least kept secret in the game! I’ve seen this thing and it’s cool and I’m glad I get to fight it instead of waiting for ultra Shield

-Leon’s fighting on the roof like a badass

-Is that an egg

-Ooh summoning Satan to use as green energy what could go wrong

-THAT CHOIR

Rose

-I still have Snowball out front

-And he’s using escavalier. Time for freight to continue carrying this team

-Uh oh swords dance

-Nevermind, outsped it ant took it out with heat crash

-“You’re go tough that’s not fair” life isn’t fair bitch

-Ferrothorn, really?

-It survived a heat crash. Operative word being A, because the second one killed it

-Rose, I know why Leon beat you as a kid. It’s because you exclusively use steel types and he has a goddamn Charizard

-Klingklang got off two wild charges but it’s dead now

-Freight’s at half health and can take out purrserker, but I don’t want to switch into Rose’s GM anchor so I’m going to Riot

-Took a lot of damage in the switch, but took it out with a Max knuckle

-“I’ll show you a move that hits so hard you’ll be speechless” I doubt it

-OH GOD FAIRY MOVE

-Whatever it’s dead now

-That chuckle and clap, gg mate

-“Leon is just like a knight in shining armor coming to rescue the princess from a dragon!” Glad pokemon is finally giving lgbt representation

-Leon caught eternatus doggie doggie what now

-Side note, I just realized I haven’t used any of my dynamax candy yet. Used them all of Nosferatu for obvious reasons

-And Leon hasn’t defeated eternatus yet great

-A fucking pokeball, Leon? Really?

-Okay were fighting this thing now I guess

Eternatus

-Snowball dodged a flamethrower out of love and took away half of eternatus’s health with aurora beam!

-Switching to Freight, tanked a dragon pulse. Almost died to a crit dragon pulse, but got it into red with a rock slide

-Switched to Nos, took slightly less than half damage from a dragon pulse

-Killed it with ice fang

-OH GOD IT DYNAMAXED

-Time for round 2?

-ITS A RAID BATTLE WIRH HOP!

-Oh god Snowball can’t attack and Eternatus is storing power

-Time for sword and shield

-The gods dogs jesused and teleported to us! They saved Snowball!

-And now we’re in box art form!

-Now it’s a real max raid battle! We got four fighters, three of which exist solely to take hits for Snowball

-It’s potswick! Wait, no, it’s everywhere!

-God dogs have abilities that buff each other that’s cool

-Shield dog uses light screen and sword dog used howl!

-Good job Snowball, tank that G-Move

-Eat Ice, dragon fuckboy

-Quiver dance time!

-Behemoth blade and bash!

-Snowball, put this mother fucker on ice

-Okay it would have been cooler if that killed but sure that’s fine

-And sword dog steals the kill!

-Oh, I have to catch it? I’d prefer to kill it but this is fine I guess

-I used an Ultra ball, Leon. Take notes

-Welcome to the box, Eternatus. Or should I say, “XD lol haha”

-Yeah I gave it a lame name because it’s evil

-Bye bye doggies

-Time to take on Leon, for real this time. I could swap someone for XD lol haha, but that isn’t my style. I’m winning this with the team that got me here. And also Warrior

-No major changes for the final battle. Swapped Freight’s Rocky Helmet and Nos’s Assault Vest, replaced Tar Shot with Giga Impact, and evened the team out to level 61 with rare candies

-I’ve loved this game and it’s climax, but the end is here. Let’s look over who we have with us. Also the only girl which is weird

-Freight, the longest lasting member of the team who’s carried me through countless battles

-HV, who I raised from a baby and is our greatest offensive powerhouse

-Nosferatu, who was brought on after the deaths of his brother Dracula and JORSTIN. He quickly proved himself a vital member of the team

-Riot, who fought his way on by killing Mondo and proved to useful to hate

-Snowball, a late member who I spent hours bonding with the evolve

-And Warrior, who I have literally never used in battle

-It’s time to take on Leon

Champion Leon

-He’s starting with an Aegislash, so I’m swapping Snowball for Freight

-Side note, the champion wielding aegislash is so fitting

-I love this theme

-Ha! It used King’s Shield!

-Sacred sword hurt, but Heat Crash took it out

-Swapped to Haxorus, I’m swapping to Snowball

-Good thing I did, cause he used earthquake

-Risking a quiver dance

-And he killed Snowball with iron tail fuck

-Time for Warrior to justify his existence!

-Almost died to outrage and only did half hp with ice punch good job buddy

-Now, this may seem mean, but I’m not going to switch. Letting Warrior die gives me a free switch to HV, who can take out Haxorus and sweep most of Leon’s team

-With Choice Scarf HV boombursted Haxorus to death

-Inteleon! Yes! He kept it!

-Critical hit! It’s dead now

-Mr Rhine tanked a boomburst and killed HV with psychic

-FUCK I THOUGHT IT WAS ICE NOW

-Going to Nos and Dming. Max rockfall crushed it

-Okay, Dragapukt is definetly a dragon flying. It paralyzed Nos with thunderbolt, but he’s still in the green

-Enter The Charizard

-You know, I mentioned my feelings about GM Charizard earlier and I’d like to reiterate it. I hate Charizard spam, but it is a cool design and I like the idea of the champion having a Charizard as a starter and having won at ten

-OH GOD MAX OVERGROWTH NOS IS DEAD

-Switching to Freight, it used Max Rockfall but I survived and got off a rock slide. I won’t survive another one so I’m switching to Riot

-Okay, Riot is in the green and Charizard isn’t giga anymore. Now what?

-And it killed Riot with Fire Blast

-Leon Used a full restore because he’s a cunt

-Okay, this is it. I’m ending this with a rock slide. For Apollo and Dracula and Bob Murray and Idol and JORSTIN and Ophelia and Mondo and Chaos and Pluck and Echo and Snowball and Warrior and High Voltage and Nosferatu and Riot and every Pokémon in the box and Freight and for me, I’m taking you down!

-It survives with a sliver of health

-And it died to the sandstorm I created

-It’s over. It’s finally over

-I mean, I know there will be a post credits battle because every game in the past six years has had one, but it’s over

-Ten days, ten posts, fifteen fallen friends, and it is finally over

-And what a final battle it was

-“Thank you for the greatest battle I’ve ever had” same brah

-To think that I, Blinkin, a young blind British boy with a dream could defeat every powerful trainer in the country in less than a fortnight

-Okay, while the credits roll I’d like to talk about this game. This isn’t a formal review, just some thoughts. This has been the most contentious pokemon game in a while and I’d like to say that I...absolutely loved it. The new Pokémon were creative and fun, the wild area was a great idea I’d love to see expanded in future games, dynamaxing was surprisingly tactical, the characters were surprisingly engrossing. This game was amazing. It wasn’t perfect (linearity, exp share always on, lack of turning animations), but most problems I can think of are nitpicks. But, of course, there is the Cufant in the room: Dexit. Dexit was horrible for collectors and some competitive battlers, I’m not denying that, and there are deeper conversations about game freak as a company that I’d like to have on a later date, but honestly? Dexit didn’t affect my enjoyment of the game at all. I almost exclusively do challenge runs, so I rarely care about the national dex or post game. And, as a game for challenge runs, this game is amazing. X and Y are actually some of my favorite Pokémon games to play just because there are so many different Pokémon and team combinations to try. I think those games had ~450 Pokémon in their regional dex and this game had about the same, and that really goes a long way. Take Black and White, for instance. How many Pokémon were in that game. You might say 500ish, but I don’t see it that way. There are 150 Pokémon you can catch. Less than that, counting version exclusives. So yeah, there were more Pokémon programmed into that game, but you don’t see most of them without importing them from another game. Even with Dexit, this game felt like it had more Pokémon than any I’ve ever played. And again, I feel for the collectors, but I’m not going to not enjoy a great game because of an aspect that doesn’t effect me at all. Let’s get off Dexit. There are two aspects of this game that stand out as especially good. The first is the Galar region. This region was filled with so much charm and care that I could barely put it down. I love Galar, this beautiful country filled with so much goddamn British culture that I can barely breathe. The second reason I love this game is the League. This game breathed new life into the series and featured hands down the best league in any game. I felt, more than in any game, like pursuing the title of Champion was my goal. The stadiums of cheering crowds, the tournament at the end, that brutal champion battle, I loved this league.

-Anyway, lets make fun of the credits

-Oh right, the art director was the Englishman

-Legit, the other guys at Gamfreak call him the Englishman in interviews. Anyway, that explains a lot about this game

-Rock band!

-Okay, these Pokémon are all based on the idea of hardcore British rock and the credits theme is very much not that

-Hey, gym banners.

-They have the fighting banner even though she is sword exclusive

-Side note, when the mentioned minor league leaders I hoped that they would be fightable. Maybe in the post game

-Oh right, in sword the ice towns leader uses rock types. Maybe a Coalossal for the steam theme?

-Oh hey Leon banner

-Yeah I don’t have a lot to say about credits

-WOLLOO

-Huh, no post credits battle

-Okay, Full disclosure, I was spoiled that you fight Hop in the forest and assumed that that would be the post credits scene. When I booted the game up again it showed the forest so I’m going to go check it out

-Thank you for the master ball old lady foster

-Okay Hop, lets go. You vs my remaining team

Hop

-Dubwool did jack shit and went down to two Heat Crashes

-Snorlax killed Freight with a High Horsepower

-You know what? Good job, kid. You earned this

-Now to send out XD lol haha end exterminate Hops fucking bloodline

-Oh, you used a full restore, Hoppy boy? Well, I don’t see why I shouldn’t use the thirty full restore in my bag to destroy everything you love

-Eat shit Hop

-“Congrats on Beating Leon” “It was nothing”

-Oh Sonia’s the Professor now okay

-Thank you for the book, it is going on eBay

-These men have sword and shield hair what the fuck

-You gave Sonia’s book one star? I’ll fucking kill you

-Who the fuck named their sons Sordbord and Shielbert

-I hate these men and want them dead

-Oh, you’re princes? A shame I don’t have any Pokémon who know guillotine

-Okay, Nofumi but somehow even more insufferable, I’ll take you out with my god

-So were doing the aftergame now extra long post I guess

-Of course he has a sirfetched

-What is a king to a god fuckboi?

-The god is me, by the way. Not Eternatus

-Goddamn it Hop

-Okay, fuck it. I can’t beat this losers with only Eternatus. Time to sacrifice XD lol haha to Ghiratina to bring my whole team back yes this is in the Nuzlocke rules

-Are they not going to give Sonia’s girlfriend a name?

-Dynamax In trufield better be something new and cool

-Ugh, it’s just leggy onion. Whatever, lets raid it

-That sounded better in my head

-RARE CARDS I WANT THEM

-God I hate these guys

-I can exaggerate? Hell yeah!

-Piers is an ex leader? So Marnie’s a leader now cool

-So am I just going to visit all of the leaders again? Well that part can be skipped in the notes unless something cool happens

-Okay, it was only the first trio

-Good time my team are immortal zombies because Sword jackass oneshoted freight with his golispod and shield bro one shotted Echo with his Falinks

-Nameless assistant! How dare you betray us!

-Okay, I’m out of battery. Delaying this post til tomorrow so I can finish the aftergame

-What’s up It tomorrow I killed a frosslass and Haxorus and dusknoir. Saved Bede for last because he’s a prick.

-Okay, Bede beat the dynamax pokemon on his own and wants a fight cool

-Side note, Rapidash and Hatterene are both psychic fairy and it’s a miracle I didn’t loose Echo to Bede in session 9

-Burn up is such a cool move

-It was fun beating you again Bede eat shit and die

-Yamper is a good boy

-Oh, douchebags are evil because we revealed historically accuracy that makes them look bad

-Stop being mad to god dogs

-Kill him sword dog! Do it!

-Side note, it’s interesting that this game features both legendaries pretty equally

-Okay sword dog is dead now where’s the real dog god

-Shield Dog! I’m glad you’re hear, but you don’t have to waste your time saving Hop. A little stabbing could help the boy

-Also both god dogs have messed up ears that’s interesting

-Eat the bad man, Shield Dog!

-Okay, I can catch Zamazenta now

-You know what’s bullshit? If I hadn’t messed up the the naming convention Zamazenta would have a Z name. I mean, I could skip to Z, but then there’d be no Y

-The shields fixed his ear cool

-Okay, I know I caught XD lol haha here, but I’ve already dropped Nuzlocke rules so I’m catching this good boy with the master ball

-Welcome to the team, Yorrick

-Okay, lets go kick Hops ass for a final time

-Legit I would not be able to beat Hops final team if I was still Nuzlocking

-You want to be a professor, Hop? Isn’t that sweet, you think you can get a doctorate

-YES! I AM THE KING NOW. AS FIRST DECREE I ABOLISH THE MONARCHY PLEASE DONT GUILLOTINE ME

-I know that the Battle Tower and League Rematches are in this game but I’m going to end this here. Thank you so much for reading and following me on this journey

[luvneedsnosyt]

My Favorite Albums of 2019 (So Far)

Here is my list of my favorite albums half-way through 2019

You can find my list of my favorite albums of 2018 here And my list of my favorite EPs of 2018 here

My Monthly top albums lists from 2019: January, February, March, April, May

Honorable Mention:

Alice Merton - Mint Genre: Pop

Proof: No Roots / Lash Out

Anderson .Paak - Ventura Genre: Hip Hop / R&B

Proof: Chosen On (Feat. Sonya Elise) / Jet Black (Feat. Brandy)

Billie Eilish - WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? Genre: Synth-Pop

Proof: bad guy / you should see me in a crown

blackbear - ANONYMOUS Genre: alt-R&B / Hip Hop

Proof: SWEAR TO GOOD / HIGH1X

Bring Me the Horizon - amo Genre: Rock / Alternative

Proof: in the dark / medicine

Cautious Clay - Table of Context EP Genre: R&B / Soul

Proof: REASONS / HONEST ENOUGH

Circa Waves - What’s It Like Over There? Genre: Alternative / Rock

Proof: Sorry I’m Yours / Be Somebody Good

Dabin - Wild Youth Genre: Electronic / Dance / Future Bass

Proof: In Flames (Feat. Lexi Norton) / Alive (Feat. RUNN)

Dawn Richard - New Breed Genre: alt-R&B / Electronic

Proof: shades / sauce

Dermot Kennedy - Dermot Kennedy Genre: Indie Pop / Soul

Proof: Power Over Me / Moments Passed

GoldLink - Diaspora Genre: Hip Hop / R&B

Proof: Zulu Screams (Feat. Maleek Berry & Babi Bourelly) / More

Hozier - Wasteland, Baby! Genre: Indie Pop / Soul / Folk

Proof: Movement / Dinner & Diatribes

James Blake - Assume Form Genre: Progressive Pop / Electronic / Indie Pop

Proof:  Barefoot in the Park (Feat. ROSALÍA) / Where’s the Catch? (Feat. André 3000)

Karen O & Danger Mouse - Lux Prima Genre: Alternative / Indie Rock

Proof: Turn the Light / Woman

Kevin Abstract - ARIZONA BABY Genre: Hip Hop

Proof: Joyride / Use Me

Maverick Sabre - When I Wake Up Genre: Pop / Soul

Proof: Slow Down (Feat. Jorja Smith) / Weakness

The List:

16. Little Simz - GREY Area Genre: Hip Hop

Proof: Offense / Boss / Venom / Pressure (Feat. Little Dragon)

15. Vampire Weekend - Father of the Bride Genre: Indie Rock / Alternative

Proof: Harmony Hall / This Life / How Long? / Sympathy

14. LÉON - LÉON Genre: Pop / Soul

Proof: Lost Time / Falling / Hope Is A Heartache / You And I // Bonus: Grey - Want You Back (Feat. LÉON)

13. Foals - Part 1: Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost Genre: Rock / Alternative

Proof: Exits / White Onions / In Degrees / On The Luna

12. Denzel Curry - ZUU Genre: Hip Hop

Proof: ZUU / RICKY / BIRDZ (Feat. Rick Ross) / CAROLMART (Feat. Ice Billion Berg)

11. G Flip - Drink Too Much EP Genre: Pop

Proof: Drink Too Much / Bring Me Home / Killing My Time / About You // Bonus: I Am Not Afraid

10. Elohim - BRAINDEAD EP Genre: Electronic / Synth Pop

Proof: running / tv / metamorphine / flagpole sitta (Harvey Danger cover w/ ALOWNATION)

9. Sigrid - Sucker Punch Genre: Pop

Proof: Sucker Punch / Basic / Don’t Feel Like Crying / Don’t Kill My Vibe // Bonus: Strangers (R3HAB Remix) / Don’t Kill My Vibe (Gryffin Remix)

8. Lizzo - Cuz I Love You Genre: Hip Hop / R&B

Proof: Cuz I Love You / Soulmate / Tempo (Feat. Feat. Missy Elliott) / Heaven Help Me

7. Seven Lions - Ophelia Volume 1 Genre: Electronic / Dance / Trance

Proof: Start Again (Feat. Fiora) / Ocean (w/ Jason Ross Feat. Jonathon Mendelsohn) / First Time (w/ SLANDER & Dabin Feat. Dylan Mathew) / Dreamin’ (Feat. Fiora) // Bonus: Ocean (Au5 Remix) w/ Jason Ross Feat. Jonothan Mendelson / Dreamin’ (Sunny Lax Remix) Feat. Fiora / Island (Dimibo Remix) (w/ Trivecta & Wooli Feat. Nevve) / Sojourn (w/ Crystal Skies) / Let Go (Festival Mix) Feat. Fiora

6. Maggie Rogers - Heard It In A Past Life Genre: Pop

Proof: Give A Little / The Knife / Alaska / Say It // Bonus: Give A Little (Mokita & GOLDHOUSE Remix) / Alaska (Toby Green Remix) / Alaska (Tycho Remix)

5. Nick Murphy - Run Fast Sleep Naked Genre: Indie Pop

Proof: Harry Takes Drugs On The Weekend / Sanity / Yeah I Care / Dangerous

4. Tyler, The Creator - IGOR Genre: Hip Hop / alt-R&B

Proof: IGOR’S THEME (Feat. Lil Uzi Vert) / EARFQUAKE (Feat. Playboy Carti, Charlie Wilson & Jessy Wilson)  / I THINK (Feat. Solange & Ryan Beatty) / WHAT’S GOOD (Feat. slowthai & Jarrod Carmichael)

3. Khalid - Free Spirit Genre: Pop / R&B / Soul

Proof: Better / Right Back / Outta My Head (w/ John Mayer) / Free Spirit // Bonus: Better (Jayvon Remix) / Better (no clue? Remix) / Talk (Disclosure VIP Mix) / Talk (Jarami Remix) / Talk (Alle Farben Remix)

2. Big Wild - Superdream // Superdream (Remixes) EP Genre: Electronic / Synth Pop / Dance

Proof: Joypunks / 6′ to 9′s (Feat. Rational) / No Words / She Makes Magic // Purple Sand (My Home) (pluko Remix) / City of Sound (Crooked Colours Remix) / Heaven (GG Magree Remix)

1. Nilüfer Yanya - Miss Universe Genre: Pop / R&B / Alterntaive

Proof: In Your Head / Paralysed / Tears / Heavyweight Champion Of The Year

Others:

Good: Adela - On The Line EP, AJ Tracey - AJ Tracey, Aldous Harding - Designer, Alesso - ALESSO MIXTAPE - PROGRESSO Vol. 1 EP, Alina Baraz - The Color Of You (Remixes) EP, Allie X - Super Sunset (Analog), Aly & AJ - Sanctuary EP, The Amazons - Future Dust, Anna Clendening - Waves EP, Ari Lennox - Shea Butter Baby, Anna Lunoe - Right Party EP, Ariana Grande - thank u, next, Ashe - Moral of the Story: Chapter 1 EP, Asiahn - Love Train 2, AURORA - A Different Kind of Human, Autograf - Love & Retrograde EP, Avicii - TIM, A1 - Turbulence, Bad Bunny - X 100PRE, Barrie - Happy to Be Here, Bassnector - Reflective (Part 4) EP, Bastille - Doom Days, BAYNK - Someone’s II EP, Beast Coast - Escape from New York, Beirut - Gallipoli , Better Oblivion Community Center - Better Oblivion Community Center, Betty Who - Betty, Big K.R.I.T. - TDT, Big Thief - U.F.O.F., Blaqk Audio - Only Things We Love, Blu & Oh No - A Long Red Hot Los Angeles Summer Night, Boy Harsher - Careful, Boogie - Everythings for Sale, B00TY - High Art EP, Brasstracks - Before We Go EP, Broken Social Scene - Let’s Try the After (Vol. 1) EP, Broken Social Scene - Let’s Try the After (Vol. 2) EP, Broods - Don’t Feed The Pop Monster, bülow - Crystalline EP, Bun B & Statik Selektah - TrillStatik [Mixtape], Cage The Elephant - Social Cues, Carlie Hanson - Junk EP, Carly Rae Jepsen - Dedicated, Casey Veggies - Organic, Casey Veggies & Rockie Fresh - Fresh Veggies [Mixtape], Cehryl - Slow Motion, Charly Bliss - Young Enough, Chase & Status - RTRN II JUNGLE, The Chemical Brothers - No Geography, Cherry Glazer - Stuffed & Ready, Choosey & Exile - Black Beans, Christelle Bofale - Swim Team EP, Chrome Sparks - Be On Fire EP, Ciara - Beauty Marks, Citizen Cope - Heroin and Helicopters, Clairmont The Second - The Second’s Do You Drive?, Collie Buddz - Hybrid. Crumb - Jinx, Crystal Fighters - Gaia & Friends, Curren$y & Statik Selektah - Gran Turismo, CZARFACE & Ghostface Killa - Czarface Meets Ghostface, David B - BLEU, Deadmau5 - Polar (Music from the Netflix Film), Deante’ Hitchcock - Just A Sample 2 EP, Deerhunter - Why Hasn’t Everything Already Disappeared?, DeJ Loaf - Go DeJ Go Vol. 1 EP, Delta Heavy - Only In My Dreams, Destiny Rogers - Tomboy EP, Devin Morrison - Bussin’, Dijon - Sci Fi 1 EP, Dinah Jane - Dinah Jane 1 EP, Diplo - Europa EP, Diplo - Higher Ground EP, DJ Khaled - Father of Asahd, Dog Blood - Turn Off The Lights EP, Dreezy - Big Dreez, The Drums - Brutalism, Dua Saleh - Nūr EP, DUCKWRTH - THE FALLING MAN, ELHAE - Trouble In Paradise, Emily Wells - The World Is Too ___ For You, Emotional Oranges - The Juice, Vol. I, Eric Bellinger - The Rebirth 2, Eryn Allen Kane - a tree planted by water EP, The Faint - Egowerk, FEELS - Post Earth, FIDLAR - Almost Free, flora cash - Press EP, Flume - Hi This Is Flume [Mixtape], Flying Lotus - Flamagra, Frances Cone - Late Riser, FRENSHIP - Vacation, Freya Riding - You Mean The World To Me EP, Froth - Duress, Gary Clark Jr. - This Land, Gesaffelstein - Hyperion, The Get Up Kids - Problems, Giggs - BIG BAD…, girlpool - What Chaos Is Imaginary, gnash - we, GRiZ - Find My Own Way EP, GRiZ - Ride Waves, Gryffin - Gravity Pt. 1 (Remixes) EP, GTA - La Nueva Clásica (Remixes), Gus Dapperton - Where Polly People Go to Read, HÆLOS - Any Random Kindness, The Hamiltones - Watch the Ton3s EP, Hayden James - Between Us, The Head and the Heart - Living Mirage, Helado Negro - This Is How You Smile, Hello Yello - Love Wins EP, Higher Brothers - Five Stars, Hikaru Utada - Face My Fears EP, Holly Herndon - PROTO, Ida Mae - Chasing Light, ilo ilo - wish i said this to u sooner EP, India.Arie - Worthy, Injury Reserve - Injury Reserve, Intellexual - Intellexual, Interpol - A Fine Mess EP, Izzy Bizu - GLITA EP, Jack & Jack - A Good Friend Is Nice, Jacob Latimore - Connection2, Jade Bird - I Get No Joy EP, Jade Bird - Jade Bird, Jaden - ERYS IS COMING EP, Jai Waetford - Figure It Out EP, Jai Wolf - The Cure To Loneliness, James Bay - One My Messy Mind EP, JAMESDAVIS - MASTERPIECE EP, Jamie Cullum - Taller, Jamila Woods - LEGACY! LEGACY!, The Japanese House - Good At Falling, Jasmine Thompson - colour EP, Jay Prince - WONDER EP, Jayda G - Significant Changes, Jean Deaux - Empathy EP, Jenny Lewis - On The Line, Jeremy Zucker & Chelsea Cutler - brent EP, jesse saint john - don’t stop dancing. life gets sad. EP, J-E-T-S - Zoospa, JOHN.k - if we never met EP, JOHNNYSWIM - Moonlight, JOHKOY - 404, Jonas Brothers - Happiness Begins, Jordan Rakei - Origin, Josephine Wiggs - We Fall, Judah & The Lion - Pep Talks, Juice WRLD - Death Race for Love, Julia Michaels - Inner Monologue, Pt. 1 EP, Kari Faux - CRY 4 HELP EP, Kasbo - Places We Don’t Know Remix EP, Kaskade - Redux 003, KÁRYYN - The Quanta Series, Kehlani - While We Wait EP, Kelsey Lu - Blood, Kerli - Shadow Works, Kevin Abstract - ARIZONA BABY EP, Kevin Abstract - Ghettoboy EP, Kevin Morby - Oh My God, KIAN - BLISS EP, Kiana Lede - Myself EP, Kishi Bashi - Omoiyari, Koffee - Rapture EP, Ladytron - Ladytron, Lafawndah - Ancestor Boy, Lemaitre - Fast Lovers EP, The Lemonheads - Varshons 2, Lexie Liu - 2030, Lil Skies - Shelby, Lissie - When I’m Alone: The Piano Retrospective, Local Natives - Violet Street, Logic - Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Lolo Zouaï - High Highs to Low Lows, Loote - lost EP, Lonas - Youth EP, Lost Kings - Paper Crowns EP, Louis Futon - Way Back When, Loyle Carner - Not Waving, But Drowning, LSD - Labrinth, Sia & Diplo Presents… LSD, Lucky Daye - Painted, Lucy Rose - No Words Left, Mac DeMarco - Here Comes the Cowboy, Mack Keane - Donna Ave EP, Manila Killa - 1993 EP, Malibu Ken (Aesop Rock & TOBACCO) - Malibu Ken, Manatee Commune - PDA, Mansionair - Shadowboxer, Marco McKinnis - E’Merse EP, Maren Morris - GIRL, Maribou State - Kingdoms in Color Remixed, MARINA - LOVE + FEAR, Matt Maeson - Bank on the Funeral, McClenny - I’m Not Here EP, MED & Guilty Simpson - Child of the Jungle, Meg Mac - Hope, Megan Thee Stallion - Fever, Melii - phAses, Mereba - The Jungle Is The Only Way Out, Mickey Kojak - Coming Together EP, Middle Kids - New Songs for Old Problems EP, Mike Posner - A Real Good Kid, Mr. Carmack - Demolish [Mixtape], Mndsgn - Snaxx, MorMor - Some Place Else EP, The National - I Am Easy to Find, Nightly - Talk You Down EP, NIKI - wanna take this downtown? EP, Nina Nesbitt - The Sun Will Come Up, The Seasons Will Change, no rome - Crying In The Prettiest Places EP, Noah Kahan - Busyhead, Norah Jones - Begin Again, Octavian - Endorphins, ODESZA - A Moment Apart Remixes EP, Offset -  Father of Four, Oliver Dion - Exposed, Olivia O’Brien - Was It Even Real?, Omar Apollo - Friends EP, Panda Bear - Buoys, Patoranking - Wilmer, P!nk - Hurts 2B Human, Pink Sweat$ - Volume 2 EP, Phonte - Pacific Time EP, Plaid - Polymer, PnB Rock - TrapStar Turnt PopStar, Pond - Tasmania, PRETTYMUCH - Phases EP, Priests - The Seduction of Kansas, Prince - Originals, PUP - Morbid Stuff, Queen Herby - EP 5, Quelled Chris - Guns, Raja Kumari - BLOODLINE EP, Rat Boy - International Unknown, Raveena - Lucid, Rema - Rema EP, Reptaliens - VALIS, Rich The Kid - The World Is Yours 2, Rico Nasty & Kenny Beats - Anger Management, Rhye - Spirit, Rhys Lewis - In Between Minds EP, Rotimi - Walk With Me EP, Rudimental - Test Our Differences, Ruti - Racing Cars EP, Ryan Leslie - Fleurier Flows EP, RY X - Unfurl, RY X - The Water EP, SAFE - STAY, Said The Whale - Cascadia, St. Lucia - Remixed, Sammie - Everlasting, Santana - Africa Speaks, Santi - Mandy & The Jungle, Sara Bareilles - Amidst the Chaos, SASAMI - SASAMI, Saweetie - ICY EP, ScHoolboy Q - CrasH Talk, The Score - Pressure EP, Seasons - American Authors, Set It Off - Midnight, Set Mo - Surrender, Shafiq Husayn - The Loop, Sharon Van Etten - Remind Me Tomorrow, Shlohmo - The End, Shy Girls - Bird on the Wing, Silversun Pickups - Widow’s Weeds , Skepta - Ignorance Is Bliss, slenderbodies - soraya EP, slowthai - Nothing Great About Britain, Smif-N-Wessun - The All, Snake City - Hurts, SNBRN - Solé, SOAK - Grim Town, SOB X RBE & Hit-Boy - Family Not a Group, SOB X RBE & Marshmello - Roll the Dice EP, Sofia Kourtesis - Sofia Kourtesis EP, Solange - When I Get Home, SonReal - The Aaron LP, StayLoose - The City, Stef Chura - Midnight, Steve Lacy - Apollo XXI, Striking Matches - Morning EP, Styles P - S.P. The Goat: Ghost of All Time, Sufjan Stevens - Love Yourself / With My Whole Heart EP, Summer Walker - CLEAR EP, Sunflower Bean - King of the Dudes EP, Super Duper - Vessels EP, SVEA - This is EP, SYML - SYML, The Tallest Man On Earth - I Love You, Talos - Far Out Dust, Tank and the Bangas - Green Balloon, Tayla Parx - We Need To Talk, Taylor Bennett - The American Reject EP, Tech N9ne - N9na, TENDER - Fear of Falling Asleep, Terror Jr - Unfortunately, Terror Jr, Tiësto - Together, Tink - Voicemails, The-Dream - Menage a Trois: Sextape Vol. 1,2&3, T-Pain - 1UP, TOBi - STILL, Tom Walker - What A Time To Be Alive, Toro y Moi - Outer Peace, Tory Lanez - International Fargo [Mixtape], Trevor Jackson - Rough Draft 2, Tritonal - U & Me , The Vamps - Missing You EP, Various Artists - For The Throne (Music Inspired by the HBO Series Game of Thrones), Various Artists - Music Inspired by the Film Roma, Vasco - Tender Luv EP, Virginia to Vegas - Heartland St EP, Walshy Fire - Walsey Fire Presents: ABENG, Wallows - Nothing Happens, Wand - Laughing Matter, Weezer - Weezer (The Teal Album), Weyes Blood - Titanic Rising, Wild Belle - Everybody One of a Kind, Wu-Tang Clan - Of Mics and Men EP, X Ambassadors - ORION EP, XYLØ - pretty sad EP, Yeasayer - Erotic Reruns, Yeek - IDK WHERE, YG - 4REAL 4REAL, Yhung T.O. - On My Momma 2, Zacari - Run Free Run Wild EP, Zhavia Ward - 17 EP, 2 Chainz - Rap or Go to the League

Meh: A Boogie wit da Hoodie - Hoodie SZN, Berner - El Chivo, Birdman & Juvenile - Just Another Gangsta, Burna Boy & DJDS - Steel & Copper EP, Calboy - Wildboy, Casilofi - Create, Create, Create EP, DREAMERS - LAUNCH FLY LAND, DJ Muggs & Mach - Hommy: Tuez-Les Tous, Future - Future Hndrexx Presents: The WZRD, Future - SAVE ME EP, HiDoraah & Dolly White - Slimestas EP, Kenny Garrett - Hoax, Kevin Gates - Only The General Gon Understand EP, Logic - Supermarket, Miley Cyrus - SHE IS COMING EP, Night Lovell - GOODNIGHT LOVELL, Pet Shop Boys - Agenda EP, Pi’erre Bourne & Cardo Got WIngs - Pi’erre & Cardo’s WIld Adventure [Mixtape], Rod Wave - PTSD, Shy Glizzy - Covered N Blood, Spellling - Mazy Fly, Tee Grizzley - Scriptures, Tyga - Legendary, Wiz Khalifa & Curren$y - 2009, 03 Greedo - Still Summer in the Projects

Naw: Scarlxrd - INFINITY, Weezer - Weezer (The Black Album), Yung Gravy - Sensational, Zheani - The Line Censored

[lovemesomesurveys]

do you have a lot of barbecues during the summer? My dad used to all the time when I was a kid, but he’s not into it anymore for some reason. My fam just uses this little kitchen Cuisinart Griddler and a cast iron skillet for stuff like burgers and steaks. Oh, and my dad has a hot dog broiler/roller thing lol.  do you plan on going to the movies soon? to see what? My mom and I want to see It Chapter 2 again. do you tie your shoes or just tuck in the laces? I tie them. What is one present you got for your last birthday? A Nintendo Switch with a couple games and a case, some Adidas clothes/shoes/socks/fanny pack/mini backpack, and a weekend getaway.  What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I really don’t remember. 

Do you remember losing your first tooth? Yeah. I was eating an apple, ha. In the summer would u rather have the windows down or the AC on in the car? AC for sure. Having the windows down does nothing for me cause the air blowing in is just hot air. are you itchy anywhere right now? No. Have you ever thrown anything at a moving car? Uh, no. Have you ever been addicted to a game? What game? I go through spurts where I’m obsessed with The Sims. What song makes you laugh when you hear it? Uhh. do you believe in “the one”? I actually thought I found a potential “one” in Ty. Or at least something serious and long-term. Silly me.  Do you like maple cookies? I’ve never had one, but I’ve seen them and they look/sound delicious. I love maple donuts, so I imagine I’d love a maple cookie. Have you ever volunteered anywhere? where? Yeah, various places. are you afraid to pop a balloon? I do get a little nervous in anticipation of the POP! Name one person you’d like to see this month. I’ll be seeing one of my aunts that I’m close to soon. How high do you put the volume while using headphones? When listening to ASMR I turn it up all the way, but something else maybe half way or so. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don’t know. What would be the worst possible way to be woken up? I don’t enjoy being woken up ever so if someone does they better have a good reason and some coffee, ha. which was better: lion king 1 or lion king 2? Lion King 1. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? No. When was the last time you had a bubble bath? Not since I was a kid. have you ever had a pet rock? No. Do you believe in marriage? I just can’t see myself ever getting married. What word do you say way too much? I know what phrase I say too much, “I don’t know.” What do you usually buy when you go to the corner store? Like a Quick Mar/gas station/liquor store type store? I just get a drink, like a Starbucks Doubleshot. I used to get chips all the time, too. are you currently cold? No. It actually feels nice right now, which is shocking. It looks overcast out right now and it’s only 72 F, which is a big drop in temp for us Californians who have been experiencing upper 90s and triple digit temps.  do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? Yes. what is a creative way to paint your nails? I wouldn’t know, I suck at painting them just the basic way. I tried dabbling in nail art stuff a few years ago, but I sucked. does your computer have built in speakers or do you have some plugged in? They’re built in. bubbles or sidewalk chalk? I liked playing with chalk as a kid. What do you use to tell time when your gone out somewhere? My phone. what colour is your alarm clock? I use my phone, which is coral. what brand is your TV? Insignia.  are you proud of your body? Nooope. Watermelon or Cherries? Watermelon. What is your all time favourite song? I have too many, I couldn’t pick just one. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? On TV shows and movies. Eric Northman, playing by Alexander Skarsgard, for example. That character first introduced me to Alex. What is the band you’ve listened to most lately? I don’t think there’s been one in particular. how much effort do you put into how you look? Not much at all. :/ Favourite brand of cookies? Oreos and Keeblers. what would you do if you found out your mother had killed someone? Wowwwww. That would be.....wow. I don’t even know. If you could meet anyone who lived before your time, who would it be? Lucille Ball. Do you pay for your own things? Some things, not everything.  Have you ever been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance? Yes. Do you think the world is getting worse every year? I think we’re just more aware. Have you ever had a reoccurring dream? Yes, a few. Have you ever gone a day without eating? Yeah. I’ve gone days. How do YOU believe the world & universe started? I believe in God and that He created the world and everything in it. What was the topic of the last essay you wrote? I don’t remember. That was almost 5 years ago. how old were you when you discovered what sex was? I remember making my Barbies do what I thought sex was haha.  Do you wish you had smaller feet? No, they’re already pretty small. Have you ever stuck gum under a desk/chair? EW NO. I hate when people do that, it’s SO disgusting. Throw it away it’s really not that hard. When shopping at a grocery store, do you return your cart or just leave it? I don’t use a cart. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? They don’t know I’ve smoked weed a few times. Doesn’t sound like a big deal to most, but I don’t know I just haven’t told them.  Who is the best cook in your house? My parents and brother are all good cooks. They each have their specialties.  When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? Yeah. Do you have a ‘prized possession’? My laptop. Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship? I’ve felt that way in some friendships. How many dryer sheets do you put in a load of laundry? I don’t do the laundry. Recommend a good book to me. I don’t know what you like. What would you consider unforgivable? Someone murdering someone I love.  When you hear someone talking about lice, does your head start itching? Haha yeah. What would be a clever name for a giraffe? Lol I named my giraffe stuffed animals with G names. Like my 4ft giraffe I have is named Gigi, like GG for “giant giraffe.” lol. She’s giant in comparison to the other stuffed animals.  Are there any items of jewelry you never/rarely take off? No. What’s something you like to do while you’re drunk? I don’t drink anymore. Do you think you deserve more than what you have? I don’t think I deserve anything. Would you rather give your food to a homeless shelter or money to charity? Why not both. Kiss on the neck or kiss on the cheek? Depends who the kiss is coming from.  True or False: you this read wrong True. Don’t you hate when you hit your tooth on your cup trying to get a drink? Yes, or a utensil. I do that forks a lot for some reason. Which store would you choose to max out a credit card? I don’t want to max out any credit cards. I gotta pay it back, you know. Who has the loudest mouth in your house? My dog? lol. Can you understand shakespear english? Kinda, but I didn’t really enjoy Shakespeare, so I didn’t put a lot of effort into it. Do you usually buy or make your Halloween costumes? I’ve done both. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Not anymore, really. I like getting takeout to just eat at home. What was your least favorite year of your life so far? These past few years. What is the most ridiculous law you ever heard about? Hmm. I’ve read articles in the past about weird laws each state has, but I can’t think of an example right now. Is your name common? Yeah.  If you could have any pet in the world, illegal or not, what would you get? I love having a dog. Do you like fried bologna? I’ve never had it fried, but I love bologna sandwiches.  How do you act around people you dislike? I’d act civil, but I would probably be short and just keep my distance, not interacting unless I needed to. Do you like decorating rooms or would you rather have someone else do it? Someone else. I’m not creative enough. Have you ever been to Canada? No, but I’d love to go. have you spent money on a game online? Yeah. I’ve bought a few game apps and Sims games. Are you good at making small talk? Nopeee. Has someone ever taken something from you that you could never replace? Yes.  Are you a fan of tattoos? I mean, sure. Are you bikini ready? I don’t wear bikinis.  What do you dislike the most about being the gender that you are? Menstrual cycles were a bitch, but I don’t get them anymore.

[interstellar-borb]

nmmm just woke up, with my alphagetti cuz i don’t give a fuck, got tagged for a meme by @mathonwys, all i gotta say is fuck.

Nickname: its dependent on the friendgroups ive had and lost over the years but it used to be GG, then after a while after me responding to good game wrong it went to G. and as a means to move on from the past and one stupid discord nickname later i became borb. not the origin story i expected but hey, borb of the alley is a fun nickname.

Gender: i count as nonbionary. i would’ve said female but i chose to identify as both genders at the same time but i prefer nonbionary as a whole cuz im fed up with gender stereotypes kicking my genderless ass

Sexuality: Aromatic as hell, i can’t feel romantic love for anyone so i purposely choose not to have a romantic relationship because of it. yes ive had two boyfriends before but i couldn’t feel shit. it was like best friends but they could kiss you. 

Astrological Sign: im a virgo. i don’t understand the zodiac but im a virgo. if its a shape shifter then life got one thing right

Favorite animal: snakes, tigers, lions, leopards, pumas, lizards, geckos and black-labs/German Shepards.

Number of blankets: wow this one is personal. for the summer one for winter two, i love the extra weight its very comfy

Where are you from: Ontario canada, im not giving specifics about my area cuz i don’t want to get kidnapped for the area 51 raid

Dream trip: japan or Florida, I WANA GO TO DIDNEY WURLD. japan because everything looks so cool and its basically the home of nintendo and i want to see it allllll

When i started this account: roughly around when undertale came out???? my first friendgroup ive ever made introduced me to it and now i use it more then my deviant-art account

Why i started this account: truly, i don’t remember, i guess it was just to look cool for my friends despite the shit that happened soon after. idk if i have a real origin story for tumblr

I HEREBY TAG @dreamseersystem @mother-of-thots-returns @gintsukii

[ujuro]

as it is halfway through the year i have decided to do my  fave songs so far (i wanted ten but ehhhhhhhhh fuck that)

in no particular order:

Apink-Eung Eung: i was wondering if their concept change followup would be as strong as im so sick and wouldya look at that this song is good AND hella interesting. im still not down with the disrespect ifans give apinks past songs but im becoming more and more happy that a 2nd gen gg is successfully creating a new life for itself

Dreamcatcher-Piri: every new dreamcatcher title track has dethroned the last one as my fave so even though rn im like THIS IS AMAZING AND NOTHING WILL EVER TOP IT EVER ill probably eat my words pretty soon. Anyway this is amazing and nothing will top it ever. shout out to diamond and atwnol as well duh

(g)i-dle- Senorita: while i was originally pretty pissed at this song for the drawn-out end section that doesnt use the great chorus, this song is still greatly replayable and has wormed its way into my heart. i listen to it all the time

dia-woowa: the fact that this song wasnt a massive hit is a CRIME. an x-treme gameshow bop, and who knows how many times ive played it. i dont even know how to explain my love for this song other than it just bangs REAL hard

clc- no and me: i dont think i can really rank these two songs apart from each other. just two really solid hard-hitting songs that work with the ideas of “girl crush” and “empowerment” without falling into the annoying and grating parts that those songs often have. the styling, choreography, and execution is way above groups that are much bigger, and i just love clc

wjsn- 12 o’clock: it is blasphemous to say that i like this song more than cantabile and you got? maybe. Does not change my opinion tho. its just so...bouncy. i love it. this entire mini is amazing though.

Monsta x: stealer: ITS SO DRAMATIC. shout out to mx for being the only bg that is consistently wack and interesting i love them so much.

everglow- bon bon chocolat: this song still goes just as hard as it did when it came out. the truest banger released this year. with this and moon (also a fave), i cant wait for more.

im-scent: admittedly i do not listen to horizon pretty much at all but scent is just so good. a perfect melancholy little creation. and NO im not just saying that cause im biased i just really like this song

oh my girl: the fifth season: like many others, during the first verse of this song i was like this is it? really? but then that bomb of a chorus drops and this song becomes next level. it speaks for itself really. this album is also really good, though ive been in the mood for hype songs lately so checkmate speaks to me the most of the b-sides lol

bund-i mean bvndit- dramatic: i really liked hocus pocus as well but this song has a slight edge to it that made me really interested in the group. despite being a pretty standard trop house-style song, it just flows so well

favorite-loca: for me, the spanish trend is pretty hit-or-miss (as in i mean i only like it when ggs do it lol). but this song also has an amazing chorus that carries it

momoland- im so hot: this song is fun as hell fite me. sucks that momoland is in such a load of shit with members not appearing tho cause i love and would die for my girls. mld ent and the wack brigade of stan twitter momoland haters can fite me too. 

fromis_9- love rum pum pum: im so predictable. retro pop sound=i love it. fun is nice but its a bit much ya know.

cherry bullet’s entire love adventure single: i really like really really despite it being kinda generic and something that i should scoff at, but ruddy and ping pong are even better? i didnt expect to like this groups music so much but their songs so far are charming i love my girls. 

wjsn- lets dance: IM PREDICTABLE AND LOVE BANGERS’

hong jinyoung-rain of tears: SHUT UP I LOVE THIS SAD TROT BALLAD

twice- hot and breakthrough: new concept twice can kill me and id say thank you

yunho and boa- swing: im so glad that i force myself to listen to as many releases as possible because i probably woulda skipped over yunhos solo album but then i woulda missed this song and holy fuckin shit yall its another banger i love

red velvet-sunny side up: well duh

also the entire fuckin mini i made mini by idle and no1 by clc cause this is long but i just realized id have to list all of the bsides on them too fuck

shout out to my sexy girls girl crush and camila. In fact shout out in general to every sexy dance team and gg that gets more fancam views than your faves. Ive grown way attached to all of them honestly lmao

i feel bad not listing songs by them as like a TOP fave because theyre both my ult groups but despite being good overall the only standouts i really like from loona and izones minis are colors and highlight. butterfly really grew on me, but i often wake up at night in a cold sweat thinking about how loona as a group may never put out a song i like more than egoist or eclipse or love cherry motion or oecs mini

also shout out to moonlight by geegu because im just shocked they came back at all and only lost 3/9 members too. same with leggo by wannab though that song isnt as good. tmi by hot place as well for eurodance wack. 

if you have made it this far you can now know the real song i have been listening to the most over the past week or so and that is time bomb by icia. i could go into detail and try to explain myself but i shall not. i love this fuckin song. in fact ive been more into ultra nugus than my faves lately. thank god for ultra nugus. 

the end