#getting through replies by tomorrow
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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"Huh.. it's already July? When the heck did that happen?"
#isola mini#like 19 days ago u fool#tfw you nap through the summer#HI i just wanted to say i'll be getting to my replies tomorrow thank u for ur patience
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i may be hungry yes but the anxiety serpent in my stomach is on the move and preventing me from actually wanting to eat
#idk what to do to actually calm myself down#i have identified the source and the solution is currently something i cannot control#i have to wait for an email reply that i will probably get tomorrow#and if not i’m seeing the person i’m waiting on tomorrow anyways#and the second thing cannot be resolved until monday because it was a hw assignment that i feel i did very wrong#i stayed in the studio almost 4 hours extra to work through it with some other people and none of us know if we’re doing it right#the prof didn’t explain shit so we’re winging the whole thing and just hoping for the best#my first graph is reasonable but the second one i feel is wrong and idk how to fix it#anyways#gonna try to eat salad maybe before the outdoors club meeting at 9:45#and maybe finish the contour lines on my studio project so i can fully finish the whole thing tomorrow#this sucks balls but we persevere#me rambling
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Mir fans always
#me watching mir go from P1 to P11#if he does well in Q1 tomorrow but doesnt get through bc someone uses him for a tow ill kms#mir fans r so funny#like i very rarely see people fighting for their life for him#*MIR SUCKS* and then a mir fan will reply like *yeh but leave him alone 😔*#OH THAT REMINDS ME THO#i was in the gp insta comments the other day#n some dude was complaining about marquez n this dude called Marquez Dorna's golden boy#n some other dude replied like *hm but what about mir!* so i replied asking if he was saying mir is dornas golden boy#n he replied lik *no i just hate him* n i just wanna know why mir lives in that dudes head rent free#motogp#joan mir
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deranged rambling
#i typed out another post but it became a massive text wall that i probably shouldnt post#but tl;dr im severley depressed. i have been my whole life but it started getting bad again in november#and this last month has been the hardest month of my fucking life#im so sleep deprived that i cant think clearly i cant eat im in constant pain#my thoughts arent even coherent my brain feels like its being twisted around#i cant do my job anymore i stopped booking clients#so thats how my lifes been going#dont worry about me ill be fine i always pull through im just tired#im going to talk to my brother tomorrow. my relationship with him is strained but hes all i have and i know he can help me.#i dont know why im posting this. ive been drinking.#also sorry for how cold ive been lately#and how ive been ignoring all my messages/asks/replies/tags for the last few months#i do like hearing from people i just. literally cannot respond
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bleh, exhausted as hell but I had fun last night, went bowling with friends to celebrate a birthday.♡
anyway I hope to post my kinktober/flufftober plans this weekend. Probably tomorrow evening or sunday. 😵💫
I might've (did) strayed from the original plan but I hope my lil stuff is something to look forward to ^^'
#Also I feel oddly popular this week I've been getting invited to so many things by diff ppl for this/next month & it's nice but WEIRD?#Me & my introverted ass lol ...but I'm glad I moved here; the ppl are friendly & rly fun#I think I've only slept 20hrs this week I'm actually not ok lol I'm probably gonna knock out when I get home#I'm barely powering through work rn & I still gotta go in tomorrow for a 4AM 😩#Also got a yummy request yesterday & started working on it & cant wait to continue it. I rly wanted to post it today but maybe tomorrow#I wonder if ppl ever read this far#Hi I still have choso brainrot 😭 & sorry if I'm slow on replies or something :(((
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answered asks incoming from the queue in the next few hours for the few upcoming days hehe gonna lay low for now u can catch me on my disc! for mutuals u can totes ask for it
#i have 8 more left in my inbox which i plan to clear out tomorrow fully hopefully before getting back on replies!!!!!!#to all the people whose starters i liked and have not replied to yet omg trust i will get to u guys#the writing essence is coursing through my veins#meds are kicking in so i will lay low and enjoy the blog productivity ive done today 😈#mobile tbt.
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i wish i knew how to keep friends :( making friends is… hard, but doable. if i have a reason to be near someone and they’re amenable to my Autism Beam of infodumping, i can usually make them tolerate being around me for as long as that activity lasts.
but semesters end. mutual interests fade. activities wrap up. and then those people leave. not to say i’m not thankful for however long their friendship lasted, i just wish people were more likely to want to be friends because they liked me, not because i was a body near them to spend time with.
#sometimes they stay. it’s not often but it happens#and then i’m scared for the rest of the friendship that anything could make them leave#thinking of all the friends that just… stopped replying to me the second they weren’t forced to spend time with me#i lost basically every friend i had when school went online in 2020#with the exception of my dnd party. i’m scared that if we stop playing dnd i’ll lose them too#my call of cthulhu campaign ends… tomorrow. technically#the two other players i met through this campaign#and i really like talking to them. i have. not a ton in common with them#but i’m so scared that once we don’t have the connection of the campaign i’ll lose their friendship#i didn’t keep any friends from my dorm hall this year#i was always on the periphery#the only person i still talk to from any of my classes is my partner#i don’t think she really… gets. how lonely i am#because she has *so* many friends.#and for good reason. they’re a wonderful person that i could talk for days about#and idk what i did to even deserve her friendship much less whatever we got going on now#i just wish i could keep more connections#that i wasn’t always doomed to have to start from scratch every time something ends#but i guess it’s sort of my fault too#im too scared to overstep some unseen boundary that i don’t reach out to make a connection in the first place#anyone who stays has to be pretty stubborn lmao#zephyr talks
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I think I'm gonna send my manuscript for book 1 of my duology to some agents tomorrow!!!
#things are getting real#or are they if no one replies lmao#anyway i spent today writing an author bio and a synopsis and a back of book blurb#so tomorrow im going to go through all agents and publishers i can think of and see what happens#probably won't hear from anyone for three months#and Australian publishers seem to hate fantasy which sucks#my story is magic realism so I'm gonna try sending it to some normie publishers anyway#well wish me luck!
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OOC:
#(Between replies and starters I have twelve things written this evening... Very proud of myself. Most are queued)#(laptop is about to die and family is about to get home so timings are working well in my favour. Will be mobile if you need me)#(... and yet despite that I still have drafts to finish and another starter to do that just popped in while I was writing this xD)#(it's been some time since I've been able to sit and PROPERLY get through stuff.)#just the intern (ooc)#(hopefully Damien and the multi tomorrow!!)
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Robot boy needs sleeeeep!
trueeeeeeeeee :[[[[
#i dont want to because then its like im fast travelling to tomorrow and then i have to go to college :[[[[#but also theres the thing that i need enough sleep to be able to get through college tommorrow augghhhhhhh#runway's replies#blueopalsystem :D#<- i cant remember if you had different tag b4 sorry :[
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An incomplete list of languages Sonia speaks/reads/writes/understands:
French
Italian
Japanese
English
German
Spanish
Korean
Mandarin Chinese
Russian
Portuguese
Hindi
Vietnamese
Gundham
Tsubasa
Ryuji
In canon, she speaks/reads/writes 30+ languages. I can only imagine that after studying abroad, she picks up on others' unique ways of turning a phrase and translating them, too.
For awhile she's also the only one who perfectly understands Gundham, too. I love that for them.
#more-than-a-princess draftcomm#(Not me working on replies where Sonia has to decipher what people are saying. Even if it's in Japanese)#(Have to get through a lot of replies tonight as it's a busy day in the office tomorrow)#(Thank you for your patience as I can't be too chatty until they're done)
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#ahahah hey guys guess who actually decided to express my frustration w this assignment and also how I’m struggling this semester to my dad#and worked myself up again (bc dad is nottt a comforter he’s so bad at it and I knew this)#i am now calmed again but hm. starting to get the vibe that I am having emotional problems 👍 I have cried more this year or well since#this summer than I can remember in like years#affirmations I’m gonna get through this I will submit what I have tomorrow night and next time alert my literal combination teacher and#advisor if this class is still a dumpster fire for me#no tags just venting#also if sif happens to see this I did see ur reply on my last vent and I am doing a little better now at reaching out to ppl for stuff#not rly teachers besides getting the extension on this one thing but yeah
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Whenever someone pisses me off, I tend to hold grudges for all eternity.
But maybe I should be the bigger person and forget about that shitty anon who had decided to be a smartass all those months ago, and made me spoil myself on the next big ShinRan moment after the London arc, just so I can know when I'm supposed to expect to see it.
Well, it took me seven months to reach these episodes, while it took the anime 8 years to do the same.
So, next time you come across a new fan, don't be a dick about it maybe?
#wolf trying to be funny#not really#I'm still pretty pissed honestly#personal#Idk what runs through some people's minds but being an obsessive shipper is certainly a mind I can not comprehend#Especially when they come to my inbox with a holier than thou attitude because I don't know everything from a series I am currently watching#like get a grip#I was very polite in my original reply but maybe I shouldn't 😒#If anything I multiship like there is no tomorrow#So I don't care about your petty ship wars#There are more important things to do in my fandom experience
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was abt to go out to the gym but the adhd referral service finally emailed me to say they need me to call them to book an appointment and it says in the email they don't make appts via email but I'm DEAF I Know they know that bc its on my fucking patient form UGHHHHH
#emailing back to ask if they can make an exception in these circumstances.. ive waited SEVEN MONTHS for them to contact me#im not falling at the first hurdle.#if that fails I'll have to rly nicely ask my flatmate to call them for me and I can sit there with her to pass on any information 🥹#but health services fucking hate it when someone else makes a call on ur behalf so they might not allow that either#why are these systems so inaccessible#I cant even go anywhere in perspn bc its completely online smhsmh#its fine. its fine im going to.the climbing gym and theyll probably reply to me tomorrow im not going to cry thinking abt it#AHHHHHHHHHHH im rly glad they did get back to me.tho i got rly scared when i saw theyd indefinitely stopped accepting applications#even tho i submitted mine ages ago.. i was worried it would take over a year to get through the queue at this rate#i rly rly rly hope its not too painful a process i just want a diagnosis so i can try medication for this shit man#and i hope the med waiting time isnt as long as they say it is bc. another seven months. 🥹🥹🥹🥹#uaaaaughh ok im out of here#.diaries
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omg i wanted to reply to ao3 comments today but ao3 is being a little BITCH and is giving me a "retry later" error every single time i try to respond it's soooooo annoyinggggg
#literally i will reply and it'll give me this so i reopen the tab and go through this process like 2 more times before it ACTUALLY replies#i wanted to get them done today but my friiiiiends i do not think i have the patience for this rn lmfao#perhaps i will try again later or tomorrow#but ao3 PLEASE get your shit together!!#mack rambles
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