#getting that info for the first time would have been a STELLAR character moment for them as friends

[revvethasmythh]

you know, comparing imogen and laudna with caleb and veths dynamics and joint backstory, something i've thought for a while is that imogen and laudna having 2 YEARS of time spent together pre-stream actually rather hamstrung their story. like, veth and caleb's backstory feels significantly more lived in as a 6-month period of time probably because it's way easier to fill in the details of what happened for a limited amount of time than it is for years of backstory. i genuinely think if they'd shortened the amount of time imogen and laudna were together to less than a year, it would have made a significant difference in the dynamism of their relationship because there would still have been new things for them to discover about each other. instead, we enter their story at a point where they simply know everything there is to know so they don't have to poke and prod and uncover new information or deepen the relationship. that's boring! it left the relationship the same practically the entire time! tighten up the time frame, add a couple of specific events/cities they stayed to give some depth to their background and flesh out the "we got run out of cities b/c laudna" thing, and make sure they didn't know absolutely every detail of each other's lives beforehand and we might have been able to light a fire to cook with

[aspiringsophrosyne]

Episode 9: A Test of Pride.

Oh, don't you hate cliffhangers? Unless the movie's damn good enough to justify it, and those kinds are a rarity these days.

The Good.

This was another episode written by Sam and Travis, and it shows. Later I'll talk about the show's humor compared to the stream, but for now, I'll say that this one had some pretty good gags. The return of Boulder, Parchment, Shears, and Grog slamming Pike face-first into a barrel are peak Critical Role jokes.

You can catch an early nod to "When the Bald Man Cries" before Scanlan takes off; the beret on the dragonfly was a great little touch. 

And hey, Cobalt Soul cameo!

I appreciate the Grog backstory. Especially since, in-game, Travis has been repeatedly reticent (at best) to explore his characters' pasts. Ironic, given that, so far, they've turned out pretty damn hype. The level of brutality is perfect; it shows just how little freedom, care, and love Grog would've gotten had he not spared Wilhand and been given away through him and Pike.

Also, I love the detail that Kevdak has one blind eye in the present day because Grog slashed it out in their backstory. Took me a re-watch or two to pick up on that.

I dig the focus on civilians. I like seeing how not everybody in this world is a mercenary or can defend themselves as the protagonists can. In the game, there would definitely be individual NPCs that got focus and love, but you couldn't do too much, or blood vessels in the DM's brain would eventually bust.

I love Kaylie's design; it's a cute pixie-ish look that doesn't conflict with her justifiable distrust and angry behavior and makes the family resemblance clear as crystal. 

In terms of characterization, I appreciate that she and the troupe are trying to get help for the rest of the town; you get the impression Kaylie at least could sneak out on her own, but she's not doing that; she specifically charges Scanlan with the task of getting everyone out.

We got to see a little more from Zanror, too. Most of his portrayal was off-screen before the Kill Box fight in the original, so I liked seeing his and Grog's former closeness and Zanror's misgivings about Kevdak before that in these Herd-centric episodes.

The Bad. (Or at least, not great.)

I have something to say about Dranzel's troupe, but I think it fits better a couple episodes down the road. Keep them in mind for now.

Nitpick

I wouldn't have minded it if they'd made the flash back in the beginning of the episode a montage of different towns instead of just the one instance we saw. This would give us more info within the same amount of time, plus you can show multiple pillaged towns and Grog never encountering someone who was completely unprepared to fight back to any degree. Until he meets Wilhand.

This makes his change of heart make more sense and hit harder.

Pacing.

This is another episode with less-than-stellar pacing. 

Grog and Pike's part of the story is handled well, but Scanlan and Kaylie's storyline should feel much less drawn out than it does. There's a cut back to those two, Dranzel's troupe, and the various townsfolk a couple of times; nothing really happens with them before Scanlan convinces Kaylie he can get them out before he reunites with Grog and Pike.

We can fix that.

There's a dragon in the neighborhood: have his presence shake the walls, have Scanlan peer outside only to see a long black tail slinking around the building, or have Umbrasyl's acid breath seep through the roof and down onto the people below, who cry out in fear and pain and then desperately try to stifle themselves so they don't draw his attention. 

You can play up the suspense and uncertainty of the moment and make it feel like something catastrophic could happen at any time.

Pike's Mom?

I believe it was Sam who acknowledged during the watch party for this episode that there was some confusion over whether the gnomish woman we saw in the flashback was Pike or maybe her mother. This confusion was due to her hair being black, and her calling Wilhand her grandfather. Sam said that they didn't want Pike to say "great-great" every time she spoke of him, and that's reasonable. 

Except...

If you've got a scene where a character looks markedly different than usual, to the point they can be mistaken for another character or a relative, you have to. If there was any scene where Pike needed to refer to her great-great-grandfather as such, it was here, so it would be clear that this woman was Pike.

Kevdak

We'll talk more about Ralph Ineson and how fucking intimidating he and the animators made Kevdak in the next episode...but I gotta say, he comes across as a little generic here compared to his stream counterpart. Kevdak's scary, sure, but not in any specific way. He feels scary the way any big, brutal dude would feel scary.

I like the idea of one of the folks Zanror was talking to about a rebellion getting impulsive, attacking Kevdak, and either getting mutilated (losing an ear, or maybe a finger) or being killed outright in turn. This tells us two things: the rest of the Herd is not and maybe has not been happy with Kevdak's leadership, but he is very good at putting down dissenters. It's a reminder of the Herd and its leader's specific brand of brutality.

In the same vein I would've liked to see them do more to tell us what Kevdak's motivations were. In the wrap-up for the first campaign, the DM revealed that, as had been hinted at during the stream, Kevdak had been biding his time until he would eventually try to take down Umbrasyl. By contrast, the audience doesn't even get hints about what Kevdak's deal is in the show. Is he genuinely cowed by Umbrasyl? Is he biding his time until he can rebel against him? Is that just what he's telling himself to avoid coming to terms with the fact that he's a dragon's servant? What's going on with him? Despite the show having multiple opportunities to clarify this for us, it doesn't. 

That's it for this one folks. The last three episodes of the last season were nuts, and this one's no exception.

[animehouse-moe]

Choujin X Volume 1

Yeah yeah I know I'm super late to this, but Indigo was holding my volume for ransom and taking ages to get back to me about a refund because it had already shipped but the tracking info was totally inaccurate, so yeah.

Anyways, short and to the point to start. I like it, but it leaves something to be desired. Maybe because I haven't read TG in a while and everyone hypes it up beyond belief, maybe I just don't vibe with how they go about stuff.

⚠️Warning: Contains Spoilers ⚠️

I feel like every time Tokio ends up in a situation, the story ends up just shy of expectation subversion. Again, maybe I'm relying too much on TG here, but I felt like Azuma ends up as a character that is already in a box. Someone that has been used up in their establishment of the story unless they can really pull something off down the road. Dying from the Choujin serum, being killed earlier by the Mollusk Choujin, I think there are more avenues that would have been more interesting to me with Azuma as a character and how they are reflected/experienced by Tokio.

Even going further I feel like the whole story could serve to be a lot darker and more intense. The art and overall world very much lends itself to it I feel. Criminal activity, the concept of non-human "superheroes", the overall oddity of the world. Something with more heartfelt melodrama that breaks down Tokio from the get go would feel more interesting. And personally, that's why I liked the final chapter the most out of all of it. Tokio continues to fail, continues to disappoint, continues to cower behind the notion of Azuma, meanwhile a little girl that didn't have a choice is protecting him. Telling him to run despite forcing herself into the situation to save him. Maybe we'll see it continue down that avenue, but the earlier chapters really leave a bit to be desired from my initial expectations.

Truthfully, I think Ishida is going to have a hard time with this story and its reception with readers. It's quite similar to Tokyo Ghoul, without being a copy. That's not to say it can't carve out it's own territory, but that there's very much a system to it that feel reminiscent of Tokyo Ghoul in this first volume.

Would I say to pick it up? I mean, sure why not, it's still good, but it's trapped in the shadow of Tokyo Ghoul currently. It has potential to find it's way out, and has shown that quite well in the first volume, but it gets itself tangled. There's moments that feel abrupt and random and pieces that feel like they bloat the direction of the story, but there's also plenty of really great work in terms of story, characters, and of course the art. I wouldn't say it's stellar 24/7, but there's certainly panels and pages that can get your attention like these.

[kitkatopinions]

Thoughts on Arcane?

NOTE: I know nothing about League of Legends, I came into Arcane with no knowledge of anything to do with League, so everyone, please try to refrain from possible future spoilers by discussing major plot in the OG product. My brother-in-law already dropped some very big info and similar to going into the Final Fantasy remakes, I'm trying to avoid any other spoilers for something that's been around for ages. Thanks!

First thought, the animation is very good and very iconic.

Sometimes the faces seem a little off, but the whole effect looks almost like paint, and overall, it is very good. This is such a well made and just beautiful show in terms of the art, animation, and aesthetic.

The combat is a step above most things I've seen, but not as good as the early RWBY seasons by a long shot. On top of that, some of the weapons looks... Over the top, particularly the gauntlets the Vi eventually wears.

They're just a bit too big imo, it makes scenes go from cool to goofy really quickly. Still, the fights are worth watching and by no means are they bad!

Most of this show was directed very well, but they would do these strange jerky cuts that often didn't work for me. There also was this weird scene where two characters were about to fight, and then it suddenly changed into those characters doing the fight in slo-mo while the show switched to like, a completely different design, and then they just... Did the battle like normal all over again at normal speed. I can't blame them for experimenting with styles and stuff, but it just really took me out of the moment.

Some of it felt a little rushed and hurried in act two especially, where it's like they were trying hard to establish character dynamics early on to get to the juicy stuff later. I don't mind it so much especially since it's just the first season, and as a general rule, I try to give grace during a first season. But I'm really hoping we get to see more from many of these character interactions that feels a bit more fleshed out next season.

On that note, there were some writing choices I thought were strange. Characters that I kept waiting to have at least something of a good storyline that haven't gotten one, story elements that had suddenly come out of nowhere and didn't add much at all so far, moments that I feel didn't make much sense or things they had characters do that I thought either should've been gone into more detail around or should've been different. During the last three of four episodes especially, my sister and I were watching it and going "if they just tweaked this, this scene would be so much better," and "if this had been set up like this, this would've been such a compelling moment!" I feel like the show could be better than it is. The writing isn't life changing, it could be stronger and fuller, but it's still for the most part good, especially when you compare it to a certain color themed webcartoon.

But as for some praise, most of the characters are nuanced and interesting, the concepts are amazing and could lead somewhere great, the design is off the charts, the voice acting is pretty dang good, the dialogue is nice and even if the pacing is a little rushed, the way everything was delivered including stellar VA performances and animation makes everything feel more genuine and believable. Also I don't know how to describe 'this piece of media feels like it would be great for transformative works, even more so than most pieces of media,' but Arcane has those vibes. The more simple looks the characters sported in the first couple episodes were okay, but the character design in the post-time skip looks were really good. In fact, the show generally did a very good job at the time-skip. I was seriously thrown off and worried when I realized one was coming so early, but they did it well and the results were cool. Also, the battles are never easily won, our mains always seem to take hits, both emotionally and physically, and that's good. Also, they know how to get tension into a scene in this show, they're really good at using their music, too. The show is exciting, it throws curveballs at you in a way that (most of the time so far,) doesn't feel cheap or badly set up. Best of all, they're really good at making you care about the characters and what happens to them. I've mentioned before that I tend to consume media primarily for character arcs and character interactions, and I think this show has the potential to serve up some amazing ones. One of my favorite characters in the series - who I won't name atm because of possible spoilers - is so cool, and I just want the best for them because they deserve it.

I think the show maybe could've benefitted from taking a bit more time, but hey. they wanted to set the groundwork early, and I can't blame them.

There are some red flags. There were some things that made me feel uncomfortable at the very least. SPOILERS INCOMING: SKIP THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH IF YOU WANT TO AVOID SPOILERS.

For example, the main villain in the first season is someone who revolutionaried too hard and was actually super detrimental to the people he was supposedly advocating for to the point where the lead yells at the people oppressing her and her people to go wage war on her people in order to take him out - which I feel like something like this could've been done, but the way they did it was clunky and sent some weird messages imo. And for another example, in the last three episodes, they kill off two different dark skinned women (or at least, I think, the second death hasn't been exactly confirmed, but I'm pretty sure it happened.) And one of those women hadn't been given much outside of a flimsy connection to one of the main male characters, who was Very Sad about her death. In another scene, our main protagonist tore a prosthetic off of someone's body in a fight, etc... On top of that, I'm always annoyed when there's some piece of media that establishes a clear system of oppression - in this case the privileged Piltover versus the poor Undercity / Zaun, including a thick layer of obvious classism - and then instead of the main villains being say the people who helped build that system or the people who have worked to maintain that system in clearly corrupt and selfish ways, they say "Hmm, who will our villains be? The people who grew bitter after being oppressed for so long? The children who were traumatized and also suffered from this oppression?" Idk, it's all red flags. I'm really hoping that the show gets better after season one, but I can't pretend that some elements of the show so far didn't make me at least a little uncomfortable. There were ways that the writers could've gotten the desired effect without doing anything problematic. There are ways Vi could've won her fight with Sevika without ripping off her prosthetic, there are ways they could've portrayed Viktor's experiment going wrong without murdering Sky. Also, I'm already side eyeing some of the fandom for hating on one of the women of color essentially for getting in the way of a ship they - and I - like. I love Mel Medera and nobody has to put her down in order to stan Jayce and/or Viktor.

Aaaand on the subject of Jayce and Viktor, for my final thought, I wanna say that Jayce and Viktor is an amazing ship that I adore, and I love them so much. They had such a well done, natural dynamic. There's tension, but they obviously care about each other so much, and this ship has all the makings of a great 'mutual pining / they both think it's unrequited' dynamic and would make for an amazing slow burn. I'm going to ignore that the writers made Jayce say that Viktor is like his brother. Omg the looks, the energy, the way that Viktor smiles at him, the way that Jayce seems touchy feely with him, the deep connection and friendship, the great back and forth... I love this ship.

[leapingtitan]

The Final Season - Episode 1 Thoughts

I've watched the first episode around 3 times on my own and over a dozen times from anime-only live reactions on YouTube. Those are always something to have a field day with every season, and are part of the whole enjoyment post-watching the episode on your own.

Obviously I'm only reviewing this based on the first episode, so it's way too early to judge The Final Season as a whole. However, I will say that my strategy to keep my expectations low definitely worked. I was very hyped, don't get me wrong, but after Season 3 Part 2, I realized that production and scheduling has never been this show's strong suite and things behind the scenes were always chaotic. And it was my mistake to realize it this late and have unrealistically high expectations of the manga's adaptation.

But enough about that. I'm just gonna say it right now. I absolutely loved this episode and was completely blown away by it. It was a rollercoaster ride from start to finish and boy, the staff wasn't kidding when they said the first episode was like a movie. It definitely felt like that, and it went by in a flash. Now, on to the individual points.

Story/Adaptation

Flawless. Everything was executed perfectly and went beyond my expectations. The thing that stood out to me the most was how many things were changed from the PV in terms of scene construction, camera angles, and overall storyboards. There was only one shot that we reused from the PV, namely the one with Zeke and Reiner inside the airship where they're referred to as the spear and shield. Everything else was redone, which was a huge surprise. Wit was always very faithful to the original manga panels with how they used them as a big reference for most of their cuts, but this one changes them up a lot. Personally, I am 100% fine with it and as someone who has read these chapters in the manga dozens of times over the past few years, seeing them like this was a pleasant and very welcome surprise.

The anime-only additions here are notable and also quite welcome. Falco's line in the beginning in particular stood out the most in the long-run, but the addition of the Eldians' terror being shown as well as the scene before the ED was very welcome. I would like to assume that this was Isayama's doing as whenever the anime usually adds/changes up things, it's his request to do so. He sort of considers the anime to be the "definitive" version of the story that he, for one reason or another, couldn't do in the manga himself when that particular chapter came out. Season 3 Part 1 (The Uprising Arc) is a prime example for this. Once again, I'm very content with what was done here and I trust MAPPA will do the story justice.

A small but very neat thing is the fact that we got to keep the title cards and the info eyecatches mid-episode. Really added to the whole sense of consistency.

Animation

When the initial trailer came out, many people were concerned about Shigeki Asakawa (Director of Photography)'s odd and excessive usage of blur filters on top of the scenes and were wondering if they would remain in the final product, given her track record with other shows like The God of Highschool. Luckily, that is not the case here as the scenes look very clean and the minimal blur on top adds a bit to the muddy/gritty atmosphere of what's going on. Personally, I don't mind it at all and I barely notice it anyway. MAPPA's biggest strength to me is the usage of effects like blood and explosions. You feel the impact of everything and with such an action-packed episode, it made everything so much better.

The usage of 3D CGI for the Titan Shifters has been the biggest controversy surrounding this first episode. When I first watched it, it didn't bother me at all. Personally I care more about a model fitting in the action sequence rather than how it looks for the most part. Right now I would say I'm neutral. It's not the greatest CG ever conceived in anime but it definitely does not look out of place and is pretty decent. For the Jaw Titan, I couldn't tell what was CG and what wasn't for the most part. For the other Titans it's more obvious, but it's not too jarring. Obviously, if it was up to me and the production committee/NHK didn't push their scheduling shenanigans onto MAPPA, I would have gotten every Titan in 2D, but you can't have everything. If they choose to focus on more important scenes later on and cut corners in this first episode as a result, that's understandable. I can live with it. And again, even then, it's not that bad in my eyes.

Now, the character designs are just absolutely stellar. In multiple interviews, it’s been stated that they wanted to stay true to Kyoji Asano’s designs at Wit while also being consistent with Isayama’s style in the manga. And boy did they absolutely nail it. It’s exactly what as they said. Tomohiro Kishi could not have done a better job with the characters we’ve seen so far and I am beyond impressed with his work. I look forward to seeing the rest of the characters in this arc.

Sound

I've been following Kohta Yamamoto's works for a few years now, ever since he started working with Sawano (and being mentored by him to an extent) in early 2017. Although he's been involved with AoT before, particularly with the character songs in Season 2, whenever those two would collaborate on a project it would usually be because Sawano is too busy to compose a full soundtrack. So what usually happens is, Sawano does one track and variations of it (think ShingekiNoKyojin, ThanksAT and T-KT), and nothing else. Meanwhile, Yamamoto handles the rest of the music for the show. On top of that, Yamamoto's style as a composer is different from Sawano's as he comes from a rock/guitarist background as opposed to Sawano, who is a pianist and is classically trained. My biggest concern for The Final Season was that we would get a similar case as with the other shows where Sawano doesn't put in too much effort, while Yamamoto essentially becomes the main composer. Although it looks like this is in fact the case after this first episode, let me explain why I don't think it's a bad thing.

After the premiere of the first episode, both Sawano and Yamamoto tweeted that it was in fact Yamamoto who is handling the majority of the Marley Arc's music. And after this first episode, I have to say I'm impressed. His initial track that he made for the PV was a bit off-putting to me because it sounded like every epic blockbuster Hollywood trailer background track ever, but after the way it was used in this episode alongside a few other tracks, I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised. It fits what's going on, and overall delivers a fresh sound to the show that is very appropriate given the massive change in narrative. Back during S3 Part 1, Sawano stated in an interview that he was already burned out and had trouble coming up with new music for AoT given how many tracks he had already composed for it. Given how few new melodies were in S3 Part 2;s music, I think this should be clear. Especially now that we're going into yet another season. To summarize, I think Yamamoto's work here is a result of three conditions that just happened to line up perfectly. The change in narrative, which the new composer style reflects. Sawano being busy. And Sawano being burned out with AoT. Now personally I still believe we're going to get at least one new original Sawano track with variations of it for the big climax moments this arc, and he may compose more music for the 2nd half of this 16-episode season, since that's technically a new arc. But we'll see. As a whole though, I'm satisfied with what I've heard from Kohta Yamamoto in this first episode.

The last point to make in regards to the sound is Masafumi Mima who, apart from Sawano, the voice cast, and some freelancers, is the only one from the previous seasons' staff members to return here. And once again, his work here is absolutely phenomenal. The mixing and usage of sound effects in this episode was stellar and truly felt like I was watching a war movie. It enhanced the action tenfold and I could not want it any better. Music usage is something that goes through the director (Yuichiro Hayashi), but ultimately the sound director is the one who implements the track (instrument layering/stem editing) and does the mixing. The usage of Kohta Yamamoto's music here was very well done, and although the track from the PV repeated quite a bit, it didn't get repetitive at all. Also, the sound director remaining consistent here means we got to keep things like the titan transformation sound effects, which may be a small thing but was very welcome and added to the whole consistency.

Opening/Ending

I'm gonna wait until Shinsei Kamattechan releases the full version of the opening in a single or album to fully judge the song, but boy do I love this opening. Although I'm not sure if the TV-size version is my favorite AoT opening yet, I have to say that it's without a doubt the most fitting OP this show has had until this point. It perfectly showcases the themes of war that this arc focuses on and has this lowkey disturbing eerie vibe with the dissonant chords and mixing of the vocals that feels just as "mysterious" and "tense" as the show itself. I love it so much, honestly. Now, Isayama was a fan of Shinsei Kamattechan prior to them doing the S2 ED, and was the one who got them on-board to do it. Although that song isn't really my thing it's also a perfect fit, which leads me to believe that Isayama himself most likely chose the band again, namely to do this OP. And it's fantastic. I love the song. The visuals also have a very distinct style with all the colors and white backgrounds and I love how it's more metaphorical and symbolic (I guess "abstract" as well?) rather than flat-out just spoiling everything like the last arc's OP did.

The ED by Yuko Ando is fantastic. The first time I listened to the full song on its own I couldn't stop getting chills. Love the production aspects of the song and it's just really nice altogether. The visuals are quite interesting especially towards the end and I also like them a lot. Not much else to say about the ED. It's amazing. Go listen to it.

Conclusion

As a whole, I kept my expectations extremely low prior to the premiere despite my hype. As a result of that, not only were they exceeded, I was absolutely blown away by this first episode in pretty much every way. It may still be too early to judge, but from what has been shown here so far, I am absolutely looking forward to see MAPPA adapt the rest of this amazing story, or about as far as they can get with 16 episodes.

[axther]

For CH/JJBA Basic info: straight female, 5'4, Scorpio! If it matters my mbdi is debater, which I think is accurate. I'm a bit curvy/soft and I have really long wavy hair and glasses. Now for fun stuff! I'm a split between being very hyperactive (almost like a puppy lmao) or very quiet (not shy, but more indifferent. I've been told I'm intimidating) I'm into polyrelationships so the more boys the merrier. I like hiking and sports when I'm with people but don't do it by myself cause it's boring. 1

HERE’S UR FOOD QUEEN. also tumblr got me fucked up w no CH gifs :(

Cute Earth High Defense Club Love (Season One) V1

#1 is…Atsushi! 

He’s the most normal out of all the characters, to be honest

When he sees you, it’s nothing spectacularity radiant, per se

There’s a pretty girl in his school! cool! 

The strangest part is that it’s an all-boys school, so naturally, he’s confused

Through a series of plot shenanigans, you’re there as an exchange student

And he’s been told he has to help you get settled!! 

He introduces you to the Earth Defense Club, and slowly you two grow acclimated with each other 

While you’re friendly to everyone else, there’s something different between you and him 

It’s chemistry, and even Ryuu wouldn’t dare poke it 

One afternoon, someone asks you out via love letter, all the extra stuff

And you turn them down as politely as you can 

But thanks to the indifference, the boy gets offended 

He turns into a letter-shaped monster, and the Battle Lovers have to step in 

Atsushi is both appalled and terrified 

Did the monster hurt you??

Why did the monster appear around you? 

Was it something to do with you? 

He spends half of the battle just covering you 

And once the monster starts spewing slander, Atsushi is having none of it.

Whatever the monster says, Atsushi refutes, defending you until the rest of the battle is at a standstill and he’s just bickering with the monster. 

Eventually, Atsushi practically makes the monster choke on respect women juice, and on behalf of the passed out student, Atsushi begins apologising non-stop to you

You’re confused as hell 

The internet-famous Battle Lovers know you??

All you can see is the blurred out faces, and the blue one, the self-declared Piercing Prince, Epinard, seems to be constantly hanging over you 

And honestly 

He’s a cutie 

This results in a sailor moon-esque situation 

Where you have a crush on Epinard, Atsushi has a crush on you, and he’s miserable upon realising what he’s done 

Does he reveal that he’s Epinard???

Honestly, probably not on purpose  

I can absolutely see them talking about it and he’s like ‘do i always have to yell out im Epindard’ and he turns and sees you 

And you’re like ‘????? excuse me???’ 

Which results in more shenanigans 

#2 is…Yumoto! 

babey boye 

He falls for the flirting every time 

He reciprocates as best as he can, but for the most part, it’s just him being soft 

He hugs you so much omfg 

It gives Wombat a break, and though you don’t know he’s a talking wombat, he’s all for you being there 

What’s interesting is that he’s telling everyone he’s gonna marry you

And since most of the ppl in the school are bros, no one’s told you 

Which gets awkward 

Because he’s 200% told you that he loves you 

But you take it as ‘:D! I love platonic love between my Friends! :D!’ 

So it becomes a Situation that everyone gets second-hand embarrassment from 

Yumoto has told his brother that he’s gonna marry you and you’d be the bathhouse’s Okami 

But you’re thrown for a loop when Gora asks you when you and Yumoto started dating 

And you’re like ‘??????’ 

This results in a brief but stern conversation between Gora and Yumoto 

And Yumoto feels guilty, of course

But you’re so sweet! And you flirt with him!! Doesn’t that mean you like him??

It’s a bit of a wakeup call, but he’s still only got two brain cells

You gotta cut him some slack 

For about a day, he chills out, though he’s melancholy 

After that he’s back to being oblivious and sweet 

#3 is…Kinshiro! 

Did someone say ‘emotionally constipated teenager who’s in a rivalry with his childhood best friend for the girl they like but he has no idea how to approach her due to the fact stated above (he is emotionally constipated)’???

no????

Ok that’s valid

But you want a polyamorous relationship???

He and Atsushi are gonna be your best bet. 

This boye is completely lost when it comes to wooing you 

He thinks you’re graceful in a quiet sense

And while you’re a flirt and a meme lord, you’re also yourself 

Ibushi notices almost off the bat 

And he’s like ‘my guy, my dude...my cousin??? Fr???’ 

Kinshiro is crazy confused and embarrassed 

He’s always considered himself to have tunnel vision

But then you pass by and he gets a whiff of your shampoo and 

Oh no 

he gets kinda lightheaded and blushy but wipes it away fast 

Whenever you pop by to say hi to Ibushi he completely freezes 

Like he just stops moving altogether

 It’s something you, Ibushi, and Akoya have noticed 

Y’all exchange glances every time he freezes while sipping tea 

The MOMENT he realises you like Epinard he gets lowkey pissed

 Do you seriously like that barbaric, stupid Battle Lover??

He’s like ‘I’m elite, graceful, rich. I’m the better choice :(‘ 

Make him drink just a bit of respect women juice 

But he’ll be very, very soft for you

And after he finds out about Atsushi being Epinard and Atsushi likes you?? 

Well, it’s two birds with one stone 

He’ll do his best to hint that he likes you, but Akoya and Ibushi have to help him along 

Especially Ibushi, since he’s your cousin 

Get ready for a flood of thoughtful but expensive gifts

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure V2 

(Note: If you want a poly relationship, all three of these lads have convenient best friends...👀)

#1 is…Josuke!! 

Mans is a himbo (refer to chat) 

Sure he’s got like, one brain cell, but it’s dedicated to you!! 

He’s a bit of a flirt, too, so be ready to fend off the fangirls 

Since fangirls in the 90’s were chiller than ones in, say, the 80’s, they mostly respect that he’s got a girlfriend 

But the moment one of them tries to hurt a hair on your head, it’s game over 

Now

The thing about it is that you get shy 

But your shy is looking scary as hell 

So all they see is a glare that would make the devil run, and they bail 

Josuke relates to your fear of bugs!!

He’s not fond of turtles, so you guys can have each other’s back!! 

If you want to draw him something, he can and will frame it in the best frame he can convince Joseph to buy 

Is it gold foil?? Maybe 

Before y’all get together, he pines like no other 

He’ll start frequenting places you go to just because he wants to see you

And he doesn’t think it’s creepy but gets worried that you will 

But he thinks you’re incredible 

It’s something makes him short circuit a bit 

You: :) 

Josuke: Now Playing: Beautiful Girl (Alternate Version) [Tempo Track] - Jimmie Thompson, Gene Kelly & Lennie Hayton (Singin’ In The Rain) (1952) 

#2 is…Johnny!

Southern boye drank his respect women juice after he got shot 

And once he sees you???

He CHUGS it 

First off this is like the late 1880’s so anyone who bathes is probably stellar 

So he, too, has the Joestar Blessing of having Beautiful Girl play on repeat 

But as soon as you start flirting???

He’s GONE 

I mean this in the most literal sense 

He’s a good Christian boye (theoretically) 

So once you talk about dating him he flushes bright red

He’s aware that you’re just flirting, but oh hmmm 

He starts crushing fast 

Plus if you don’t judge him or think he’s weaker for being in a wheelchair? 

Give him a second he’s trying to find a ring 

He might be in a wheelchair but he’s in no way inadequate, if you get what I mean 👀

(who am I kidding, of course you do) 

Considering that memes weren’t much of the thing in the 1800’s if you find some, he probably wouldn’t understand them 

But he does enjoy when you play the piano 

But let’s say there’s a stand attack

And you just bust out knives??? 

instant boner 

#3 is… Joseph!

Flirt, but times two 

Y’all make anyone blush 

No one’s safe 

And with each other??

It can get foul, fast 

Does Lisa Lisa step in?? 

No, not really 

She’s not gonna interfere at Joseph’s chances of getting laid 

Plus she approves so!! 

Catch him trying to flex while you’re around 

Be it him trying to beat Cesar’s ass (and failing) or literally flexing, he wants to impress you 

And while he knows that you’re a flirt for the sake of being one, he also gets a bit nervous when you flirt with others

Especially if he hasn’t confessed, actually confessed, yet

Plus, he’s got a special arm 👀

Y’all know what’s up 

@matchupdomain @peeshposheddie

[projectjasper]

Theory of Love: Review (& General Info)

Summary: Third is a film major, who’s been in love with his best friend Khai since the very first day of university. The problem is, Khai has a rule - he doesn’t date friends. And to make matters worse, he is a terrible player, who’s dated girls from each faculty. Will Third give up on pursuing Khai? Love him from afar? Or will something entirely unexpected happen? (Trailer)

Couples: Two mlm couples - one main, one background.

Running Time: 12 episodes - around 53 minutes each - 10,5 hours in total

Cast (& their Instagram pages): Gun Atthaphan (Third), Off Jumpol (Khai), White Nawat (Two), Mike Chinnarat (Bone), Earth Pirapat (An), Neen Suwanamas (Lyn), Sara Legge (Paan), Foei Patara (Chen), [more].

Where to watch? YouTube

Related Shows: None

My Review:

Rating: 5.5/10

Short review: Considering how I didn’t connect with some of the actors, most of the characters and pretty much all relationships, as well as with the plot overall, I found this BL kind of boring and even annoying at times. There is enough problematic moments here and there, but I wouldn’t say they’re necessarily critical. This is possibly my most subjective review to date, because most things I don’t like about this show just don’t fit me personally. And since it’s not that bad and I know that a lot of people love it, maybe you will too. So at the end of the day, I don’t recommend it, but I’m not saying you should be necessarily staying away from it either. Though, as usual, it’s obviously your own decision to make.

Extended review (under the cut):

Theory of Love is one of those BLs that everyone seems to love. It’s on everyone’s list of favorite BLs of all time, and every character favorites list features at least one person from TOL. Which is why I feel weird about not liking it.

The thing is though, I don’t hate it. I think it’s kind of alright and at times really annoying and problematic, but that’s about it. Mostly, I just don’t care about it. Like at all. And I’m gonna talk about why.

So, the cast of TOL is stellar, in my personal opinion. At least, at face value it is. There’s extremely popular familiar faces, like Off, Gun, Earth, White and Neen. New faces that truly captivated me right away, like Sara, Foei and especially Mike. And, most of them lived up to my expectations. Off is still good, Earth is still as perfect at subtle acting as he’s always been (which is especially helpful this time around), everyone is just truly great. Well, with one exception. And I should’ve probably mentioned this last, because he is generally accepted as one of the best actors not only in GMM, but in the BL industry in general. But, I did not believe Gun at all. And I want to mention that it’s the first time I don’t believe Gun like this. I don’t know what happened in TOL (besides, I’m sure lots of people will disagree with me), but to my mind he wasn’t real as Third at all. I don’t see him being in love with Khai. He says that he is and everything he does confirms it (like literally everything – cute moments and thoughts and looks, all the puzzle pieces are there), but I just don’t see it. And he never really manages to make me feel anything. He cries and breaks down and has a generally terrible time, and with my head I understand that this is all extremely said, but my heart stays still – I don’t feel a thing. And maybe that’s why I never managed to like TOL that much – because I am completely disconnected with the lead. But it is what it is, you know.

The characters in this show once again make me feel conflicted. Third’s personality is far more sarcastic and blunt than other BL mains’ – and I do like that. Khai, on the other hand, was first unlikable to me and like really annoying, and then after feeling a little bad for him closer to the end, my pity sort of cancelled out my hate and they met in the middle, making me just not care for him at all. They do try to give background characters a little more depth just by having one-two conversations with them alone, but it feels kind of forced – like they knew they needed to make them more real, but they did it so mechanically that they ended up being even more fake. Thus, the most memorable and likable characters to me ended up being the ones we know the least about – An and Chen.

The friendships in this drama are good and bad all at the same time. I don’t think I have to mention that Khai is a terrible friend, but it’s meant to be that way, so that was handled perfectly. I was never really sure why anyone was friends with him in the first place (or at least anyone who isn’t Third, because love is blind), but that happens sometimes – we get stuck with shitty people, so whatever. I can see how that could happen. Otherwise, friendship in TOL is kind of a one-way train. It’s a great modern train with all luxuries, but it only goes one way. What I mean by that is all background characters like Two, Bone, An and Chen are amazing friends to Khai and/or Third. Their relationship is truly detailed, they apologize, help, notice things, talk - just do things friends do. But, Khai and Third don’t return the favor. And I could understand why that happens with someone like Chen or even An – they aren’t really POV characters in any instance in the show. But, Bone and Two have their own real storylines and things happening in their lives, which the viewer follows and is invested in. But Khai and Third don’t know about them, because they just never even ask how their friends are doing. Which sucks.

The romantic relationships in this show are (mostly) a mess. Khai and Third’s “bond” is nowhere near being profound – it’s toxic, damaging and disappointing. At the end they do get together and “Yay!” I guess, but I don’t see them truly resolving their issues (or realistically staying together for long). For example, Third clearly still doesn’t trust Khai and it’s mentioned for the drama, but then it’s never truly resolved. Bone is thrust into this weird thing with his professor – and thank gods he didn’t end up with her, but it was still really unnecessary in my opinion. An and Two are sort of a beam of light in this whole relationship mess. Overall, they have a pretty good storyline – its complicated enough and simple enough in all the right places. There are things that are kind of related to An and Two that kind of make me mad – for example, the way Two tries approaching Lyn. But, mostly it’s good. I especially liked how their connection was subtly established from the very beginning – and looking back at it (or rewatching it), you can see some clear signs.

The overall plot is kind of good. It can be funny and even self-aware at times, though there are a lot of unrealistic, stupid, nonsensical things there as well. The only real specific criticism I have is that background storylines don’t seem to exist outside of background storylines. There is a lot of examples with AnTwo specifically. The KhaiThird and AnTwo plots are sort of intertwined, because An is Third’s friend, as well as Khai’s supposed rival (because everyone thinks An is approaching Third), and obviously Two is Khai and Third’s friend, who is directly involved in their relationship. So, there are moments when – for example – Khai is jealous of Third and An, Two is there (at the time, already realizing he feels something for An, or that he is at least important to him), but he is completely unfazed, as if this doesn’t have anything to do with him at all. Which, even if he was approaching it all “maturely” or trying to hide his real feelings, there would still be some sort of minor reaction. And there’s just none.

The theme of someone confidently believing in something and it not being true is present multiple times in this show. And usually, when a story does that, it’s quite complicated. All the facts are carefully established so that the viewer believes the lie, and then when the truth is revealed, the viewer looks back on the story and sees all the clear clues to the truth that were given, as well as just how and why they’ve misinterpreted every detail that led them to believe the lie. This all is very hard work that requires some smart, careful planning. Which TOL didn’t do. An truly seems to be into Third and there is no other way to interpret some of the things he does with him, and Khai truly does act really flirty with Third in the beginning, which can only be interpreted as him trying to approach Third, which was not true at the time. (Even if he subconsciously liked him, that was legit planned flirting – not subtle things that could reveal his true feelings). It’s clear that this is all done for the drama with all disregard to why this trope is usually used. And there is many moments where something really nonsensical and completely inexplicable happens just to further the drama. TOL is drenched in plotlines like that – and there is nothing I hate more than unnecessary drama.

The movie theme is present throughout the whole show – both directly and indirectly. They do connect everything with movies quite well, and the cinematography choices are more meaningful than they usually are. The way shots are set up, the subtle details that are hidden in camera work and setting specifically – all of it is quite artistic and careful, which makes me think it was done specifically because of the relating themes of movie making in the show itself. The only thing I didn’t really like was how much the things that were happening was compared to “how as if it was all just a movie”. It was ironic the first couple of times, but stupid and repetitive the next hundred.

LGBTQ+ issues aren’t really touched upon in the show. But, when they kind of are – it ain’t it chief. Khai’s friend telling him he couldn’t possibly imagine “a dude like him being into another dude”, Khai feeling uncomfortable with imagining a date with Third similar to the ones he takes his girlfriends to, and the ever present intimacy problem, which mostly belongs to AnTwo here (boyfriends kiss, GMM – they do). Now in certain context or with some explanation, these might’ve been better, but there is no good context or explanation here – it’s just Bad.

There’s quite a few other problematic moments in this show. A lot of them are connected with Khai and Third. For example, Khai physically pins Third down when he’s trying to talk to him, while Third cries and screams to let him go. After receiving a “no” over and over again, Khai asks Third to be his boyfriend once again – this time in a public place, making a big deal out of it, with everyone chanting “yes”. Khai also admits that he sees all the girls he’s with as an object – which in the context is positioned against Third, who he sees as a person. It’s made to look romantic and special, but it’s just some kind of a new fucked up version of “you’re not like other girls”. Also, and this is slightly less serious but very annoying to me, Bone’s new girlfriend was introduced at the very end of the series. And by introduced, I mean “Here’s a girl, she’s Bone’s girl” – and that’s the entirety of the introduction. It has no value or meaning to the viewer and seems to send a message that Bone’s story could only have a happy ending, if he ended up in a relationship as well, which is obviously a shitty fucking message. I would’ve preferred him staying single.

Finally, talking about some small details that caught my attention. The main quartet is a very stereotypical teen movie gang, but I think that’s intentional and it does fit well. They’re also third and forth years, which is kind of unusual for BLs, so that’s pretty cool. I do love the style – I want all their outfits and hairstyles like right now. The sound choices are not always the best, but the music can be pretty nice. There’s quite a few metaphors here and there – and they’re actually good. But, there’s not nearly enough attention to detail sometimes. The kisses are really good – no doubt about that here. And, surprisingly, they address the fact that kissing someone out of the blue is not ok multiple times, which is really great (and – let’s be fair – pretty unexpected, which makes it even better).

Overall, as I’ve said before, I don’t really hate this show. Despite criticizing it, I mostly just don’t care for it. It isn’t a BL I would recommend to someone, but if I was actually asked, if someone should watch this specific BL – I would say “Sure, why not”. It’s not that bad and I know that a lot of people love it, so maybe you will too. So at the end of the day, I don’t recommend it, but I’m not saying you should be necessarily staying away from it either. Though, as usual, it’s obviously your own decision to make.

[uzumaki-rebellion]

“Wet Sugar” [Part 4 of 30]

Summary: Erik struggles with his Wakanda goals and the absence of Yani, while she, in turn, copes with the lack of support from her job and her daughter’s father...

Mature audience only. NSFW.

Looks like this series is going to be longer than 6 parts. Lol, I knew it, just like “Say Less”, I think I can wrap it up in 6, but the characters said “Nope.” I’ll say 9 now, and see where I can tie things up in a neat bow. Which is never really neat with Erik tbh.

Back to the next update....

"But baby Don't get it twisted You was just another nigga on the hit list Tryna fix your inner issues with a bad bitch Didn't they tell you that I was a savage Fuck your white horse and a carriage Bet you never could imagine Never told you you could have it

You needed me Ooh You needed me To feel a little more, and give a little less Know you hate to confess But baby ooh, you needed me…"

Rihanna- "Needed Me"

Yani didn't arrive at the compound Friday morning.

Erik hung around the pool for most of the day waiting to see if she would show up. He didn't pester Leona about where she was, but every time he heard footsteps coming down the walkway, or voices below the pool, he was up and about looking for any signs of her. 

Nothing.

He replayed his contact with her the day before.

He asked for permission to touch her breasts. She consented verbally. The sexual release he received from playing with her nipples, watching those peaks drip with milk gave him the best orgasm he had ever experienced since…shit…since he had been with Disǎ. And that was almost two years ago. His only regret was that he didn't bend down and squeeze the warm liquid into his mouth, swirl the milk on his tongue, see what it tasted like.

Watching her fingers move frantically inside her panties had him curious about what she tasted like down there too. Her eyelids were half slits when he watched her orgasm ripple across her face. And fuck…the sound she made when she was cumming. It made his legs wobble.

The warmth from her lips when he pressed his mouth into hers brought into sharp focus the feelings of displacement in his life. Yes, he was a nomad, going from job to job in the most dangerous regions of the world, but he was used to that, accustomed to living out of duffle bags and airport lounges, his brain configured to collecting data about Wakanda and T'Chaka and compartmentalizing his hierarchy of needs on the most basic survival level. Erik understood and accepted what needed to be done. His purpose. And it was always about moving, moving, moving…

But that kiss, as fleeting as it was…it made him think of being still.

He had never had that experience before.

Even with his ex Disǎ and the deep yearning love he had, and still had for her, he knew that he was going to be in perpetual motion until he was sitting on the throne of Wakanda. Nothing got in the way of that.

Yani was just some random woman on a little rock in the middle of the sea. He had gone through many women over the years in various parts of the world. Black women just as fine if not finer than this one island girl cleaning and cooking for some roughnecks.

What was it about her that had him jumping up every few minutes thinking she was about to appear? Had him making extra excursions up to the front house with excuses that he was hungry or thirsty or had a question about the compound. Had him up all night fantasizing about sucking on her tits while he fucked her nice and slow. Some nine-month-old baby's mother, her pussy probably still recuperating from squeezing out that cute chubby infant…why the hell was he going online looking up info on vaginal sex after childbirth? The hell?

Erik ran his hands over his hair and stood up from the lounge chair for maybe the twentieth time just to make another trek up to the front house. He'd have to ask Leona about her niece in a round-about way before he went back into his room to jack off thinking about heavy tits spurting milk in his mouth. He wanted to leave teeth marks on her areola, deep imprints of his gold slugs…mark her in some kind of way.

"Fuck," he muttered stomping up the steps that took him to Leona.

She was cleaning up in the dining room after making a delicious lobster bisque with grilled tilapia for lunch. He wasn't fond of tilapia, it always tasted dirty to him, but she prepared it with enough seasoning that made it palatable.

"Hello again," she said.

The smile on her lips matched the smile in her eyes, and Erik thought for a moment that she was on to him. He worried that overt interest in Yani would make Leona opt to keep her from working there while he was present. Erik was a killer. She could sense that he was more than just a polite young man showing manners to an elder. He was part of Klaue's team, and he knew that she was also aware of how men like him could turn on a dime.

"My associate Tahir is flying in tomorrow. I'm thinking of taking him back to that club I told you about. Rush?"

"I remember."

"You said your nephew was performing there? What does he do? Sing?"

"He raps. Very good too. A lot of my nieces and nephews do. None as good as Kendall though."

"What day is he performing?"

"Saturday night. I don't know what time he goes on stage, but Yani said it was Saturday. They're all excited about seeing him. It's his first real show."

Yani would be there. Bet.

"Are you going to see him? I can take you with me and Tahir if you don't have a ride—"

"Oh no, that's for you young people. I will be home in my apartment watching my shows. Yani has been trying to get me to go, but….no…"

"I'll record his performance on my phone for you."

"That would be nice, Mr. Killmonger."

He wanted to tell Leona his name, but he wanted to keep some distance too. For now, he only wanted Yani to know it.

He stood watching her for what seemed like an unnecessary amount of time. He had the info he needed, but watching her move about the room reminded him of being with his Nana.

"Can I help you clean or anything?"

She stopped and looked at him, a questioning expression on her face.

"There's not much going on today, pretty much a free day for me," he said.

"You nuh go to the beach?"

"Went twice already. This morning and before lunch," he said.

"I'm surprised you nuh go to St. John like the others," she said changing out placemats for the dining table.

"I'm going on Sunday."

"You like being by yourself, Mr. Killmonger?"

"Most times, yes."

"Things 'round here are pretty much done—"

"You need any help prepping dinner?"

"Oh, no. Dinner will be easy."

"How so?"

"Mr. Klaue is taking you all out to eat tonight. I get a little break. In fact, I am going to watch a little tv now and kick up my feet. Thank you for offering help. It was a kind gesture."

Erik nodded and Leona's eyes regarded him with interest.

"Would you like to watch tv with me?"

He hoped he didn't sound too eager when he nodded his head with enthusiasm.

"Well then, come along," she said.

Erik followed her to the apartment under the house. It was small, quaint, and very neat. The type of neat Erik appreciated. Attached to the entrance of the apartment was a shed that contained the washer and dryer for laundry.

Looking around the apartment living room Erik admired all the photos of family Leona had up. Most of the walls were covered with framed pictures. He spotted several with Yani, many of them when she was younger and had hair full of braids with barrettes and big round bubblegum ties on the ends. Most of her pictures had some incarnation of her squinting at the camera, or holding a hand up to block the sun from her eyes.

She was a thin wiry girl in her youth, but Erik could tell by the shape of older female relatives in many pictures that she was predestined to have hips and an ass to make men weep. That was the amusing thing he found about the island folk. The women would be round and luscious and the men would be lean and angular. There were photos of Leona when she was younger, and Erik had to admit that the women in this family were stellar to gaze upon. Sydette's photos were front and center, and she appeared to be the focal point for the more recent photos of family gatherings.

"Sit, sit…"

Leona went into her kitchen and brought out a bowl of grapes and a bowl of potato chips.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"No thank you, I'm good right now."

They sat on the couch and watched Jeopardy and then Wheel of Fortune before she turned to world news. He was leaning back on the couch comfortably, stuffing grapes into his mouth and listening to Leona critique the state of affairs in the U.S. But then his jowls, the part of Erik's jaw-line that Tahir said made him look like a pitbull sometimes, grew tight when he saw King T'Chaka being greeted by the Queen of England. And by his side wearing a crisp designer suit was his son, a solemn-faced Prince T'Challa.

"Oh, that young man is handsome. All my nieces think he is so cute."

Erik grunted and Leona chuckled. He felt his blood pressure rise and he shifted his body forward to study their faces. King T'Chaka was all smiles as the press took photos of them inside Buckingham Palace. T'Challa's eyes looked pampered and bored.

Erik clasped his hands together. If he were alone, he would probably cuss up a storm or hit something. But he concentrated on being calm in Leona's presence. He could taste his anger on his tongue, a gelatinous cold thing that dampened his mood.

"I gotta go," he said bolting up from his seat.

"Okay, Mr. Killmonger," Leona said.

Her wary eyes watched him, the shift in the tone of voice and facial expression on him much too sudden.

Erik left a cold trail behind him when he exited the apartment. His feet felt unsteady as he walked the path that led to the cove and Yani's beach. He passed by Jerome sunbathing on a wide stone, the creature's eyes closed tight, it's tail flicking a bit.

Undressing and tossing his clothes on the sand, Erik ran into the warm waters and dived under a lazy wave. When his head broke the surface again, he let out a cry of rage that made the cords on his neck bulge. He punched at the water, raised his head to the serene azure sky and released a hot piercing scream that stripped his throat raw. The soft sand under his feet gave way and he lost his balance, falling backward, his arms flailing as he tried to prevent seawater from flooding his nostrils.

Gasping for air, he let out a few more pained shrieks until tears welled up and fell from his eyes.

If he didn't do something about the Udaku family soon, he knew he would burn up, self-immolate, a rabid spontaneous human combustion that would leave his charred remains still clenching fists and screaming to the sky.

Erik fell forward and a new wave lifted his prone body and carried him toward shallow waters. He rolled over onto his back and let the sea carry him while allowing the sun's rays to kiss his skin. Once a striking sienna, time on the island had enhanced his melanin to a sumptuous chestnut color, and he could feel the UV rays burning and darkening his skin even more.

Closing his eyes, Erik focused on letting the anger and frustration and hurt to rush over and away from him. It wouldn't disappear completely, but he could usher it into a corner for now.

His body rocked by gentle untroubled waves, Erik spread out his arms and floated.

Yani.

His thoughts went to her and how she looked when she swam in these same waters. Calm. Secure. At peace.

A calm came over him.

It started from the crown of his forehead and trickled down to his throat where it melted into his belly, unclenching the muscles there before reaching his toes.

He heard a splash.

Jerking up from his back, his eyes scanned the water. Was she here?

A small sea bird swooped over his head and Erik watched it dive into the water for fish.

He couldn't hide his disappointment. The need to see her clawing at him. Did she regret what she allowed him to do to her? Was she embarrassed? Did he cross the line by masturbating on her? So much of his semen had painted her as if she were a fine art canvass. Did it disgust her? Was it the sight of her breastmilk cascading down her stiff peaks and all over his hand and not in her child's mouth that drove her away? Did he waste sustenance meant for her child's growth and she felt ashamed about that? Regretful?

Her lips.

He wanted them again.

Wanted to hear her sighs of release, hear the sound of her fingers in wet spaces between her legs.

His eyes watched the liquid warmth create tranquility around his body.

He conjured a mirage of Yani, the way she was naked and pure when he caught her alone in the open water. Her legs so smooth and vivid and brown as she fell away from him, thighs wide open and giving him a glimpse of the treasure there.

He felt the familiar rush of blood to his center.

His erection bobbed in the water, the weight of it making his yearning for her worse.

"Fuck!"

He was wound up once more, her not being there agitating him and making his body tight again.

The fingers of his right hand slid down his length and encircled his wide glans. He squeezed then twisted his frenulum, his left hand dropping down to fondle his sack. A barrage of images hit him, all of Yani with his hands on her, moving her into various positions. His breathing became more pronounced and he found himself panting as he stroked himself, the heat of his stiffness making his fingers sweat. Pea-sized beads of pre-cum laced his tip and he swirled it around the head and dragged the natural lubricant down his length. He let his head drop back, his locs covering his eyes, the sun beating down on him as he rutted between his fingers.

He felt his glutes flexing, his heels digging into the sand, his toes spreading as he fisted himself faster.

"Oh shit…this bitch…" he gasped, his eyes only seeing Yani's lips and the back of her neck, the spread of her hips…fuck even watching her ass cheeks move while she wore baggy track pants and sweats with an oversized t-shirt had his toes tucking sand underneath his feet now. He remembered the way her eyes shined when he told her he would make her call him Daddy and then her nipples looked like they were crying through her shirt…just like they did when he had his beard pressed near her face and his breath was in her ear talking about Jerome. She had run away. She had also run away when he first saw her on this beach when he had put on his clothes while watching her with her eyes closed to stay modest around him, when he told her he would check on the iguana to give her privacy…

She ran away. She ran away each time her milk…

Wait.

Was he causing her to do that? Secrete fluid…?

The harsh groan that left his mouth superseded the ejaculation that had his seed shooting out into the ocean. He watched his semen hit the water and float for a bit before sinking and the rest washing away with the bigger waves rolling in. He sunk down to his knees trying to catch his breath while the water rinsed his body. Even with that intense release, he wanted more.

And she wasn't there.

He needed her there. He needed to whisper in her ear. Needed to touch her breasts again. Needed to allow his hands to fall down the small of her back and pull her in closer to him. Needed her big brown eyes to look up into his eyes again.

"Yah get too comfortable, Killmonger."

That's what she told him before he made them titties pump.

Nah. He hadn't even begun to get comfortable with her.

###

It was the last hermit crab race of the day.

Yani spent two three-hour-long tours hiking tourists around and exploring Cas Cay the small deserted island they stood on. She gave the Eco Tour spiel about the tidal pools, volcanic cliffs, and the geological blowhole they observed before doing the crab races. The only thing they had left to do was spend time snorkeling in the coral-fringed mangrove nursery. She stood among the red mangrove trees with fifteen tourists wearing beachwear. Their kayaks were tied together and waiting for the last crab to clear the finish line. She was tired and feeling bloated from wolfing down a bacon sandwich when no one was paying attention to her as they all disembarked from the kayaks.

Checking her waterproof watch, she hustled the group to gather their snorkeling gear.

Back in her water element, Yani led the people to safe places to snorkel and kept watch for people who wandered off. She tread water with her snorkel gear resting on her forehead. One of the tourists, a red-faced man from Belgium who was part of a Princess Cruise line kept lingering near her. Yani could tell he was going underwater near her to look at her ass and chest. She was wearing basic board shorts, but her backside was a bit extra. Her tankini top had her tits smashed together and showing some cleavage, and every time she turned around the man was at arms- length distance, his underwater face aimed toward her. Perhaps if she were taller and her physique stretched out a bit, her ass and breasts wouldn't look so prominent. But she was just a tiny bit above average height and came from a family of short round curvy women. Most of her baby weight had dropped, but her Aunt Leona kept her fed well with the rich foods from Klaue's compound, so she was going to be hefting around extra for a minute.

"Sir, please respect my personal space," she told him when he came up to clear his googles of condensation. Her fingers twirled the cowrie shell choker that hung around her neck.

"Excuse me?" the man said, looking shocked that she said that to him out loud where others could hear.

"You are swimming too close to me."

The man's wife overheard her and came splashing over. Her pasty face blocking the sun from Yani's eyes.

"What's going on?" she said.

"I was telling him not to swim so close to me—"

"I was not swimming close to you. I swam past you—"

"Sir, I won't argue with you. I am simply asking you to—"

"Yani, what's happening?"

Ugh. Patrick, the Eco Tours assistant manager.

"This man has been looking at me underwater and I don't like it."

Patrick, as always, went into tourist damage control, ignoring her issue. His fake plastic smile attempting to smooth the tussled tourist feathers.

"I'm sorry for this," Patrick said to the tourist.

"Why are you sorry? I just asked him to stop—"

"Yani, it's time to start heading back. How about rounding up the others, please? Thank you."

"But this man—"

"Yani, do your job—"

"I am doing my job—"

"I really don't like her attitude or her accusations," the wife said.

"Your man was looking at my ass—"

Patrick gave her a look, his smile a frozen grimace. "I did not!" the man said, his accent thick and flustered once he saw the other tourists gathering around them.

"Yes, you were! My ass and my chest!"

Glancing around, Yani could feel eyes on her. Many sympathetic, but no one spoke up for her. Now she was beginning to feel like the odd man out. She took a deep breath. She needed this job. The hours were flexible and the pay was pretty good by island standards. Where else could she get paid to swim and play in the water? She decided to swallow her pride.

"You were swimming too close, that's all."

She walked away with her snorkeling gear in her hand and placed them in the lead kayak, the one she used to guide them all to the cay. Paddling back, she could hear the husband and wife barking at one another in French. Yani was happy to be rid of them as she collected gear to be sanitized for the next group of tourists.

When she was finished packing away all the gear and cleaning up the kayak launch area, Patrick called her into his office.

"I gave that couple a refund," Patrick said.

He sat behind the cash register and scrolled his cell while talking to her. Yani shrugged. One hundred and sixty dollars taken from the company.

"You used to be an awesome employee—"

"I still am. I get the best surveys, and I get the biggest tips��"

"Yeah…but lately, you've been moody and a little difficult—"

"How? When? Who has complained about me? I'm your best—"

"Not so much anymore—"

"You're a liar—"

"And you're fired. I just received the okay from Heather.'

"Did you tell her what that guy did?"

"I didn't see anything and neither did anyone else. You overreacted."

"Give me my money!"

Yani held out her hand.

"Heather has to cut you your final check—"

"No, you fire me on the spot, you give me my money on the spot—"

"I can't…"

Yani grabbed her phone from her work cubbyhole and dialed.

"Heather, if you fire me then you pay me right now. I swear to God I will bring my cousins back here if you don't tell Patrick to pay me. I'm going to file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau too. Or maybe I sue you. One of your customers made me uncomfortable and I only told him to stop…what? Yes, he's right here….do that then."

Yani hung up and the office phone rang. Patrick picked it up.

"Eco Tours…yeah, Heather…yeah…I didn't see anything, she just accused the guy. Okay…alright."

Patrick hung up. The second shift staff were filing in and some watched the expression on Yani's face as she held her hand out.

"Money, now!"

Patrick punched in a code on the register and it opened. He counted out two-hundred dollars in cash. All twenty-dollar bills. He handed it to Yani. She snatched it and stuffed it down her tankini. She stomped out of the office cursing under her breath. Kendall was waiting for her, his old Yamaha V-Star motorcycle spit-shined and propped up by its kickstand. He handed Yani his extra helmet.

"What's wrong with your face?"

"I got fired."

"What? Why?"

"Some dirty old man kept looking at my bumper and my tits. But they said I have a bad attitude. Take me home to my baby before I fight everyone in there."

Her cell rang.

"What Heather? No, it's not right. Patrick doesn't respect me or my work. You know I work hard. I make people return here. Two years Heather…how can you tell him to fire me and you don't have all the facts?"

Yani could see Kendall's face getting stressed listening to her. She patted his arm.

"I'll call you tomorrow, Heather. Yes, I have my money. Okay. Bye."

She thrust her phone into her tankini top right on top of her money.

"Boss Lady?" Kendall said.

"She wants to talk about what happened today. Gave me my job back. Scared I'll sue. All they had to do was believe me the first time and back me up. But them worried about foreign white people being unhappy. Kiss their asses and leave mine hanging."

She sucked her teeth and climbed onto the back of Kendall's bike.

The ride home to Red Hook was congested with cars as people made their way to popular tourist sites. Kendall weaved in and out of lanes and Yani enjoyed the sun warming her back and drying her work clothes. Resting her helmet on Kendall's shoulder as they waited at a slow traffic light, Yani felt herself beginning to get excited for Saturday night.

Eighteen months.

That was how long she had not gone out with friends. The moment she was pregnant, Chez had her locked down at home. When her parents made the decision for her not to stay with them, she still was pressured by Chez to stay indoors when she moved in with Leona. No lunch dates with her girlfriends. Family gatherings with her extended family lasted twenty minutes and then Chez was hustling her away. Even shopping for baby things was frowned upon.

He didn't want her out in public, didn't want her around people who could influence her decision to stay with him or not. When she stood up for herself, he bullied her with verbal abuse. He knew not to lay a hand on her because her family would slice his balls off, but Chez was a master of psychological warfare. Telling her she was fat and ugly and that nobody would want her if she left him. Called her lazy when she wanted to sleep because Sydette was a big baby while she was inside Yani's belly. All of this happened in the later stages of her pregnancy. In the beginning, he was sugary sweet to her, begging her not to abort when she had doubts about having a child with him, promising to be the best father ever.

But when her belly got big, he started in on her. By then it was too late. By then she knew he didn't really want to be a father but her controller. When she became disenchanted with him, the war for her self-esteem began. He wanted to keep her down. Only because he didn't want anyone else to have her when she was so openly done with him.

Chez slept around and then went after a woman that sniffed him out when he first had his record contract.

Ursula.

She was nothing like Yani at all. Ursula's family had a little money, some connections…the right skin tone, the right educational background. Chez may have thought Ursula was a step up for him, but he was most definitely a step down for Ursula by the way her family reacted to him. Their friends used to tease Chez and call him the Dark Gable of the island. Tall and lean, Chez had gorgeous skin that was like midnight silk and a smile that looked like diamonds lived in his mouth. Yani's dream boyfriend. God, she loved him so. Loved him with all the naïve stupidity that young girls had when first love is acute, visceral…painful in its honesty because they have nothing to compare it to. She let him use her body as much as he wanted because that was her man, and her man could have anything he wanted at any time. If he called her late at night and said come over now, she was hopping on that dick quick-quick, even eating his ass if he wanted, which he loved.

To walk into a club or a house party with him was the epitome of being a celebrity in their tiny world. Chez had that "it" factor that made people into stars, and that was the fantasy made false when he became popular. It started with Chez doing a few bars here and there on songs by other up-and-coming artist's mixtapes. Then there was the indie single he put out that had Yani singing the hook for him. She wore revealing clothes for him onstage, simulated fellatio on him at performances…anything to help him succeed. He told her constantly that money was on the way and she could go to school on his dime. They were on their way. When the contract came through and they took their first trip to Florida, Yani's parents fell for the pipedream too. Once they allowed her to take a gap year and saw how good Chez was to her, they loosened their grip on their relationship.

But then Sydette was conceived.

Next came the rumors of the girl with the long loose curls and rich background hanging with Chez's entourage when Yani wasn't around. Rumors of Chez texting the same girl late at night to come jump on his dick. Then the non-rumor of Chez running behind some pregnant girl buying new baby clothes when Yani was laid up with stitches inside her torn and still bleeding vagina as she tried getting Sydette to latch onto her nipple and suck. The non-rumor of some girl driving around the island in Chez's car with a baby girl that looked exactly like Chez, but with hazel eyes and skin the color of the sand Yani stuck her toes in on Klaue's private beach.

Lookie.

"You quiet, Yani," Kendall said, trying to sneak his motorcycle past a hotel delivery truck.

"Just thinking about you performing tomorrow. And me looking cute."

"You know Chez will come."

"I know. I don't care."

"Does Zachary have to come?"

"I'm tired of people asking me that. Chez nuh own me. He can't control who I see. I like Zachary. He is good to me and Sydette. Do you know how hard it is to find and date a man when you have a pickney hanging off your tit? I deserve to have fun with a boyfriend."

"Oh, he's your boyfriend now?"

"Working on it. We are exclusive now. Moving slow and easy. Still dating, not a couple-couple yet, but we agreed to see only each other,"

The words came out and Yani felt the whispery ghost of guilt when she thought of what Erik had done. What she had allowed.

He was dangerous.

Scary.

Persuasive without saying a word.

What if he wanted to do that again and she didn't?

All the men at the compound carried firearms. He could put a gun to her head and force her if he really wanted to. Catch her walking down to the beach alone…

She shook her head, bumping her helmet into Kendall. "Easy back there," he said.

Traffic began to pick up a bit once they passed the docks.

Twyla was standing out on the apartment balcony with Sydette when Kendall pulled his bike in to park.

"Look. It's Mommy!" Twyla said helping Sydette wave down to Yani.

"Hi, Sweet Pea!" Yani called up, and she could see her daughter’s chubby legs kicking at the sound of her voice.

With her daughter in her arms, Yani smothered her with kisses, pleased to know she had the next two days to herself. Monday would be interesting only because the new men would be arriving at the compound, and she was curious to see who would be joining the wild bunch already there.

"She ate already," Twyla said tickling Sydette's barefoot.

"Why you have my baby in only a diaper? People think I can't afford clothes for her."

"Too hot for clothes, huh Sydette? Too hot to be wearing all that extra material," Twyla said. She reached out and touched Yani's hair. "You want me to touch up this color? Your roots are coming out."

"Should I change the color? I saw this platinum shade that would look so good on me."

"You don't want something darker?"

"I look good with light hair. Makes mi skin look like brown sugar. Cuz you know girls, girls dem sugah…"

"…the girls dem need this nigga, yah!" Twyla finished by winding her hips and giggling.

Sydette stared at them both then grabbed for Yani's cowrie shell necklace.

"Zachary keeps calling. You give him some already?" Twyla said.

Yani slapped Twyla's arm.

"We are courting still."

Twyla rolled her eyes

"Twist my locs?"

"No. I just got home. I'm tired. My hands are tired—"

"You want blonde hair again?"

Yani frowned.

"Let me rest for at least an hour."

"I'll give you two. I have to wash my hair first."

Entering the apartment, Yani was met by another cousin, Dex, who sat in front of the TV eating cereal.

"Yani!" Dex shouted.

"You still giving Twyla and Kendall a ride tomorrow?"

"Yes. I'm bringing Boogie and Donald too. Cee Cee is bringing Dulan and Sonya."

Yani looked at Kendall.

"See? You thought your family was going to be too busy and all your favorite cousins are coming."

Kendall beamed and poured himself a bowl of cereal.

"Auntie coming home today?" Dex asked.

"Tomorrow night," she said.

Dex clapped his hands.

"Just make sure you clean up this place before she gets here."

A two-bedroom apartment and a sleeper-couch housed a baby and five adults. Everyone worked and everyone contributed to the household. Leona worked six days a week on the compound when Klaue was around, and less than two times a week when he was gone. Her nieces and nephews covered her rent for the place in exchange for staying there while she was away.

Dex was happy because he would be able to sleep in a bed for one more night before returning to the couch with Kendall.

"What you cook?" Yani said sitting on the couch rocking Sydette in her arms.

"Got take-out," Dex said stretching his arm and reaching for Sydette's foot.

"Beef Patties?"

"Burger King."

Yani rolled her eyes.

"You don't have to eat it."

"I won't," she said popping Dex in his head.

"Stop that," Dex said.

Sydette reached out and grabbed Dex's hair, her fingers slipping through his matted curls.

"Ow…girl…"

He unhooked Sydette's fingers from his scalp.

Kendall dropped down on the couch next to Yani.

"She's bringing Zachary," Kendall said.

Dex glanced over at Kendall and then Yani.

"Yani…" Dex whined.

"I don't care what you say," she said lifting Sydette up and checking her diaper.

"This is why we end up having drama—"

"Won't be no drama—"

"You know how Chez is—"

"And? He laid up with that hoe and another baby. Fuck I care? I'm there to support my family. Zachary is taking me out to dinner and then we are coming to the club. This is a special night for we and I won't listen to that man's name being uttered in my ear."

Her tone of voice made it final.

"Who is watching Sydette?" Kendall asked.

"Anika."

Yani's youngest sister agreed to watch her baby mainly so she could have her little boyfriend hang out with her at Leona's apartment. Ever since Yani's baby mishap, her younger siblings had been under a strict regime. No boys or men allowed in the house. So they had to sneak. Yani wasn't worried about her sixteen-year-old sister though, Leona would be there to keep an eye on them. Anika was still at the holding hands stage with boys, and the young man she was smitten with was a cornball who loved Anika because she loved anime like Yani, and played RPG games like a pro. Love at first online game.

Yani rubbed Sydette's back. Her daughter was resting against her neck and falling asleep. She could smell the fresh clean smell of baby shampoo in her child's hair, and the deep comfortable breathing she had when she was in her mommy's arms.

Yani reached into her tankini and pulled out her cell and her money. She shoved the cash in Dex's face.

"Take this for the house phone and light bill and put the rest on Auntie's cell phone bill," she said.

"I already covered all that, you keep this for school and Sydette," Dex said folding the bills back up and putting it into her hand.

"You sure?"

"I was able to get extra hours at the Job, so I'm good. They didn't hire too many seasonal workers this quarter."

Yani leaned over and kissed her cousin on the forehead. Every little bit helped. She could apply some of that cash for taking her TEAS test, the first step in trying to get into nursing school on the island. The aptitude test would assess if she had the skills to qualify as a nurse, and the administrative fee was eighty dollars. The rest of the money she would use to get Sydette diapers and some new baby bottles since she broke two of them transferring them home the other day. Any leftover money was going towards some new sneakers. The rubber on the back of her Nike kicks were peeling and crazy glue wasn't helping to save them anymore.

"Can you watch her while I shower?"

Dex took the sleeping baby in his arms and Yani walked into her bedroom and grabbed clean clothes and underwear.

Sleep.

She wanted a long uninterrupted sleep and a plate of beef patties with melted cheese. And some strawberry ice cream with rainbow sprinkles.

Cool water woke up her skin, and she quickly cleaned her body. Rinsing off, her fingers trailed over her areolas, gently skimmed the tips of her breasts as Erik's face came to mind. All day he had been flitting in and out of her thoughts. How would she face him on Monday? It would be difficult to pretend that nothing happened because she couldn't trust her own body around him anymore. She had kissed him, so how could she serve breakfast or lunch, or even clean the pool properly if she would have to look at his lips and not think about them being on hers? Why didn't she say no when he asked to touch her? It would've been so easy to walk away and just deal with her breasts, leave the compound and just ignore him for the rest of his stay.

Her Aunt would catch on too because Leona caught every subtle look, word, or action in that place. She had to. These were bad men who pretended not to be bad, who often spoke in code around them. Auntie would be very cautious and her eyes would be wide open. Watching for anything to be off or strange. Yani knew with absolute certainty that they were really bad men when Leona had her help clean Klaue's personal house and she showed Yani a secret escape passage that Klaue revealed to her in case anything ever happened on the compound. Leona was never to reveal this passageway to anyone who came there. Everyone except for Yani.

The compound was usually pleasant and nothing terrible had ever happened. Only the occasional hurricane threats brought any worry. When Klaue was gone overseas or back in his home country, the compound was paradise and the energy felt lighter to work in. She would swim in the pool, sunbathe, or read books on the patio and pretend to be a spoiled rich girl.

She found it greedy of rich white people like Klaue to own so much property and hardly ever be there to use it when her own family would kill for the space to live on their own island. Three houses sat empty eighty percent of the time simply because some foreigner had money to waste. How nice it would be to let her daughter crawl around on the private beach, or float on a little raft with a view of her own sea? Maybe one day run around through beautiful plants and trees with Jerome? Lay on a big soft bed like the one Erik had in his room all the time.

Her fingers played with her nipples until they were stiff. She turned off the water and stood naked, feeling the pleasure of her own touches. Her fingers on her right hand dropped down to separate the folds of her prominent inner labia. She manipulated the slippery skin, inserting the middle and ring finger of her right hand inside her vagina. She proceeded to thrust in and out as she pictured Erik's hand working his erection, the slit on his tip dripping…

Yani grabbed the detachable shower nozzle and switched the mode to pulse and placed it over her throbbing clit. She had to hurry, wasting water was a no-no. Gently sliding the hood of her clit back and letting the water splash on her perfect pink spot almost brought her to delicious completion until a knock on the bathroom door interrupted her. "You almost done in there?"

Kendall's voice broke the serenity of her self-pleasuring. She removed her fingers and rinsed off completely before shutting off the water. She didn't bother to dry off, just threw on clean panties and a sky-blue cotton bathrobe. She ran a roller of deodorant under her armpits then opened the bathroom door.

"All yours," she said.

She went into the bedroom she shared with Twyla to find some shorts and a top.

"Yani!"

Dex called out to her from the living room.

"You need something?" she asked, thinking Sydette was fretting because she wanted her.

Dex was standing at the open front door.

"Where's Sydette?" she asked.

Dex nodded his head outside the apartment entrance.

Yani padded over to find Chez standing outside holding Sydette in his arms. She reached for her baby. Chez took a step back from her hands.

"She's fine. I'm her father, calm yourself," Chez said.

Her daughter's eyes stared at Chez like he was a stranger with bad energy. Her little face vacillated between pre-tears and fretting. Soft little grunts of air escaped her lips.

Hair twisted into tiny peppercorn sized locs around his scalp, and a new gold-chained necklace hanging from his neck, Chez stared at her bathrobe, his eyes focusing on her breasts.

"You with someone?"

"I just got out of the shower. What do you want?" her voice was rushed, her eyes focused on Sydette. He made her nervous holding her.

He pulled a wad of cash from his pocket. She took it and counted it. Fifty dollars.

"That's it?" she asked. He owed her way more than that.

"You know I have other responsibilities—"

"You are two months behind, Chez—"

"When I get more, I'll give you more. You are working and making enough money—"

"I work three fucking jobs! If you gave me what we needed, what we agreed on, then I could quit one of them and be with our baby more since you don't want to spend time with her—"

"I'm here aren't I? I'm holding her now, right?"

"It would help me if you could keep her sometimes—"

A car horn honked.

Chez looked behind him.

"Stop honking the goddamn horn!"

His raised voice startled Sydette and she started crying, her arms reaching for Yani.

"Stop crying," Chez said, his arm pulling Sydette away from Yani.

"Give me my baby," Yani said. She tried to keep her face calm. The car horn honked again.

"Stop pressing on the fucking horn, Ursula!"

The yell from Chez's voice made Sydette wail. Yani grabbed her child and yanked her away from Chez.

"You brought your bitch to my house?"

"Watch your tongue—"

Yani stepped around Chez to get a good look at Ursula sitting in the passenger seat of Chez's car. The apartment was on the second floor of a two-story building.

"You can afford to pay what? Five hundred dollars a month for that car, but you come bring me fifty dollars? How do I stretch this out for a month for your baby?"

Yani cradled Sydette's head against her neck. Calm gurgles came from her daughter's mouth now that she was out of Chez's arms.

"I'm doing the best I can, Yani."

"So am I. But I'm tired. Our baby deserves better. I deserve better. It's not right how you treat us—"

"Chez, let's go!"

Ursula stepped out from the passenger side of the silver sporty Honda. She held Chez's other daughter in her arms.

"Your woman is calling you," Yani said.

"When I get some more cash I'll bring it to you."

Yani reached out and pulled on the new gold necklace draped on his neck.

"How much this set you back, huh? Give it to me so I can pawn it."

Chez pulled her hand off of him. He leaned over and kissed Sydette on the cheek. He pulled on Yani's robe at the waist and kissed her on her cheek too.

"I have some money coming in soon. I'll be able to pay back what I owe you and then some. Okay?"

Yani stepped back from him.

"Chez!" Ursula's voice was incessant, "we need to go!"

"Stop yelling in front of my home!" Yani shrieked down to her.

Chez herded her back into the doorway of the apartment.

"Why did you bring her with you? You always try to hurt me, rub my nose in your trash," she said.

"She's not your issue. I'm here for the baby. I'll see you soon."

He rubbed the top of Sydette's head and bounded down the walkway to hit the stairs.

Ursula had a smug look on her face as Chez came back to her.

"Get your butt in the car," Chez said slamming his driver's side door shut.

When they were gone, Yani stood on the balcony trying to keep it together.

"Yani?"

Twyla came out to be with her.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. He just…" She held up the money.

"Fuck them," Twyla said.

"What did I ever see in him?"

"Don't drag yourself. You were young and in love. Just like many people. He fucked it up by being a jerk. That's not your fault."

Yani held Sydette close to her heart.

No matter what Twyla said, Yani would always feel like loving him was her fault. Her fault for choosing him willingly.

And now her baby had to suffer.

###

Zachary had gone to the bathroom when the man with the dark flashy eyes approached Yani by one of the big speakers near the make-shift stage inside of Rush. He wasn't white, or Latin as his swarthy skin and wavy dark hair suggested. He was dressed like he had money…plenty of it. He was a little tipsy, but in a cute flirty way.

"You are a Goddess and I want to marry you," he said. His voice had an accent like he was from one of those places that always had America fighting. Iran? Saudi Arabia? Iraq?

"I'm sorry, but I am taken," she said. She gave him a smile when his face looked hurt by the response.

"If I told you I needed you tonight, would you come with me?"

The man's eyes were shiny and the mirth in his voice made Yani laugh instead of flicking him aside like a mosquito.

"If you ever change your mind, Goddess, I am here for you."

He gave an exaggerated bow and Yani walked past him to greet her cousins who had all arrived in a pack, shifting the energy in the room with Galibar essence. Their family was well-known, and it was easy to move in the space knowing family was around looking out for her.

Hands on her waist spun her around and Zachary pulled her in for a hug. He was happy and excited to be out with her, constantly pulling her out onto the center of the dance floor so people could see them. It was nice to be with a man who was proud to be with her. Their dinner together had been perfect, the food excellent, and when they arrived at the club Yani felt more like herself again. She wasn't a mommy, or someone's girlfriend, or some worker bee running from job to job…she was just Yani and hanging out with grown-ups, responsible for no one but herself.

She dressed like a star. New make-up she saved up for. Gold choker on her throat. A long yellow dress she ordered online from the States that had cute green and red shapes on it that made her skin look bronzed by the sun. She did feel like a Goddess as her dress flowed around her hips with a small slit at the bottom that gave a tiny peek of her left leg. She even let her cleavage show just straight feeling herself. She allowed herself to drink liquor knowing she had milk bottled at home for Sydette for the next day. She was going to savor this night for a long time.

She extended hugs to her relatives and friends who hadn't seen her out in months. Compliments flowed and Zachary constantly hyped her up. When other men stared at her, Zachary's chest puffed out with pride. She liked how he was secure with thirsty eyes on her.

Rush was filled with gorgeous women, and Yani was happy that she could feel pretty again, not schlepping around in her usual sneakers and sweatpants. Her gold lace-up sandals gave her toes a little trouble at first, but now she was used to them as she moved with Zachary.

Wall to wall patrons crammed into the space and she was happy that Kendall would have an enthusiastic crowd to hear him live.

"Let me have my cousin," Dex said grabbing Yani's hand and taking her over to Monice and Twyla. Zachary nodded and watched her be ushered near the side of the bar.

"Kendall is having a panic attack," Dex said.

"What?" she said.

"He's over by the D.J. booth. I tried talking him down, but he's super nervous and says he can't remember his setlist, and one of his singers isn't coming…he's in a panic. I told Dex to find you," Twyla said.

"Jesus Christ," she said.

Yani waved Zachary over.

"Kendall is losing it, I have to talk to him," she said.

"Want me to go with you?" Zachary asked.

"Yeah, he needs some cheerleaders right now," Yani said.

She held Zachary's hand as she pushed past dancers, the deep bass in the club vibrating through her body. She could see her poor sweet cousin Kendall leaned up against the D.J. booth, his eyes closed and his hands balled into fists. Yani knew the butterflies of pre-performance jitters, but she learned early on to use her nerves to give a good performance. But Kendall was new to this, accustomed to backing other people on stage, not being the center of attention on his own. She hoped he could get through this because a ton of people paid money to come see a show, and he was one of the headliners. His first time being that. It would be a disaster if he couldn't get it together.

"Oh! It's my Goddess again! Here is that vision I was telling you about-!"

That guy again.

Oh shit.

He wasn't alone.

Yani halted in her tracks when she saw Erik sitting next to the Arab man at the bar. Locs cornrowed on his head, eyes relaxed from the drink in his hand, Erik's gaze took her in like he didn't recognize her. Something flickered in his eyes and he leaned forward, his free hand reaching out like he was going to touch her until he saw Zachary next to her.

"Killmonger," she heard herself say.

"The fuck yuh doin' here?!"

Chez's voice almost made her legs buckle when he stalked over to her and grabbed her elbow.

A nightmare made real.

Yani stood still, her eyes darting between three men who were aware of one another and sizing one another up.

"Hey, what is this?" the dark-haired Arab man with the reverent voice said.

Yani grimaced when she felt Chez's fingers digging into her skin. He was pulling her away from Zachary, his hot eyes raking up and down her body taking in how she was dressed.

Yani released her hand from Zachary's and placed it on Chez's arm to try and pry him off. He wouldn't let go, his grip tightening. It hurt.

Erik stood up.

"Take your hand off her."

Erik's voice sounded deadly like it could kill someone in seconds with the terse tone.

His friend stood up with him, feeding into the warning energy Erik gave off. At that moment, Yani knew the Arab man was one of Klaue's men too. Chez had no clue who was confronting him.

"Mind yours, breh. This my baby's mother—"

"—don't give a fuck who she is to you. Back off her—"

Yani's eyes went to Zachary and he stood there not sure what to do, confused as to who Erik was and why he was intruding.

"I need to talk to Kendall!" she shouted shoving Chez away from her. She stomped away from them all. She could hear Erik and Chez going back and forth and when she glanced behind her, she saw her cousin Dex and Dulan pulling Chez away from Erik who was smiling at Chez, his thick neck moving side to side like he was ready to body her ex.

Zachary was right behind her, his face stressed.

"You know he was here?" Zachary asked.

"Why should I care?"

"Who was that other guy? He acted like he knows you—"

"Kendall!"

Yani touched her cousin's neck and his eyes flew open.

"Yani. I feel like I want to throw up," he whispered.

"Calm yourself. It's okay. This is normal—"

"No, it don't feel normal."

"Tell me your songs," she said.

"Bumper…um…Phase Two…Crash Land…She Sez…"

"Good, you know the order and everything. What happened to your back-up?"

"Gloria is here, but Asha is a no show. I go on in ten minutes and Gloria doesn't want to go up without Asha—"

"That's some bullshit," Twyla said easing up next to Kendall and handing him a cup of ice water. She made him drink and rubbed his back. They both could see Kendall calming down.

"Do you have music with their voices already recorded?" Yani asked.

"No."

"Where is Gloria?" Yani asked.

Kendall shrugged.

Yani glanced around the club looking for Gloria. Zachary stood near her, his face looking flustered.

"What?"

"You're not worried about Chez starting something again?" Zachary asked.

"My cousins will snatch him up if he tries something again. Don't worry about him—"

"You still didn't answer me about that other guy—"

"What other guy?" Yani said still scanning the crowd for Kendall's singer.

"The big dude—"

"Zachary, I'm trying to help Kendall, okay?"

"What is Gloria wearing?" he asked.

"She has on one of my shirts, red with me on my motorcycle. She has a big afro…" said Kendall.

"I'll go look," Zachary said.

"Thank you, Zachary," Yani said. She squeezed his arm and watched him leave.

She could see the patrons positioning themselves closer to the stage.

"Hey, Kendall, we doing alright?"

The club D.J., Junior leaned over from his booth, worry on his face.

"He's fine!" Yani said making her voice sound cheerful.

"What?! Yani!" Junior said stepping down from his spot in the booth.

He gave Yani a big hug.

"You look good!" he said.

"Here for my cousin," she said looking over at Kendall, encouraging him to perk up more.

"Are your girls ready Kendall? I have hot mics ready for them. We go on in five—"

"Found her!" Zachary said ushering Gloria back over. The girl looked petrified.

"Kendall, I can't go up by myself—"

"You have to, he needs you to start the song to introduce him!" Twyla interjected, the peevishness in her voice hard to ignore.

"It won't sound right with just me—"

"Make it sound right, you're not gonna fuck up my cousin's show little girl," Twyla said getting into Gloria's face.

"Twyla, that's not helping her—" Yani said.

"Show goes on now, you doing this or not Kendall?"

Junior was all business.

Kendall's eyes sought out Yani.

"Gloria, please, this is where you have to be professional. The show goes on even if part of your crew isn't here. You can't let Kendall down," Yani said.

"Gloria, please," Kendall said.

"Kendall, it's time," Junior said climbing back into the booth. He held out a mic for Kendall and Gloria.

Gloria reached for the mic and Yani felt a sigh of relief flow through her.

"Are you ready for some great music?" Junior called out on his mic as he punched keys on his computer cueing up Kendall's tracks. A roar of "Yes!" came back from the crowd.

Yani held her hands clasped together in front of her silently praying that all things would work in Kendall's favor. Gloria had the mic in her hand, but she looked like she was ready to run.

Junior dropped Kendall's opening track and the room absolutely jumped with the massive bassline. Yani felt her cheeks pull tight as she smiled hard. The track was slapping so good. Gloria stepped forward and started humming, her lackluster energy killing the vibe already.

"Ohmigod, this bitch!" Twyla shouted.

"Give her a chance," Yani said as she bit into her lip, her own nerves scattered when she saw Gloria tanking the performance before it even began.

There were titters from the crowd and many of the people who had been swinging when the beat first dropped now stood still trying to figure out how it all went so wrong in fifteen seconds.

"Give me that goddamn mic you stupid girl!" Twyla said racing onto the platform that was used for the stage.

"Yani, c'mon," Twyla said shoving Gloria aside, "give me back again," Twyla said to Junior who synced the music back to the beginning.

Yani shook her head at Twyla.

"Yani…" Kendall whispered.

Kendall's eyes were wild-looking, his nerves frayed, and at that moment, Yani knew she had to do whatever it took to salvage this for him.

She stepped onto the stage and grabbed a mic that Junior held out for her. The music rattled the walls once more and the club lights lit up and heated her face. She quickly focused on what she needed to do. This was Kendall's first track…"Bumper"…an ode to asses. She heard Kendall rap to this track for weeks, had to hear the hook being sung every damn day she came home from work while he was in the shower.

Twyla wound her hips to the dancehall-tinged track and when her eyes met Yani's, she nodded her head and they both faced the audience and gave Kendall a proper introduction.

###

Tahir had been mumbling about some woman he saw when he went to the restroom, but Erik found himself trying to avoid Isis, the girl he slept with at the Marriott.

She spotted him at the bar and Erik made sure to stay cordial, but she was cramping his style by hanging off of him the way women did after he messed with them. She looked amazing in her peek-a-boo skintight white dress and red heels, but he was not feeling her at all. Even when he introduced her to Tahir who was extremely good-looking, Isis stuck to him like cops on a niggas ass. He was already pulling women that could help him get through his stay on the island, but this bird was clucking too much.

He went dancing with a random girl who walked past him and Isis still didn't get the hint. Finally, he was just straight up with her saying he was just trying to have fun with his friend and wasn't interested in hooking up that night. She was buzzing from drinking rum and his words didn't seem to halt her advances until he physically left her at one side of the main bar and moved with Tahir on the other side.

Tahir was in island heaven, his eyes taking in all the sights of bright lights, heavy Soca and Hip Hop beats, and the thickolicious women roaming the club, so many of them single.

"I swear to you she must be in the employ of a jinn, her eyes…may Allah bless me with a wife with eyes like that…. Oh! It's my Goddess again! Here is that vision I was telling you about-!"

Tahir shoved Erik's shoulder and he turned to see Yani walking toward them. When she stopped in front of them Erik thought fate was fucking with him because she had just crossed his mind again, him wondering if she was out on the floor dancing or on her way to the club. His eyes couldn't release her from their hold as he saw what she looked like outside of cleaning and cooking for the compound. It was her, totally her, but she was just so…

He couldn't even figure out the words before he was reaching out to touch her, wanting to already pull her into his arms and keep her next to him. But then he saw her fingers entwined with a man standing behind her.

He heard her say his name, not the one he wanted her to call him, but the one he hid behind, and she still made the harshness of it sound so sweet to his ears. He longed to pull on the straps of her dress, slip one down from her shoulder and place his lips on the skin there. The gold choker on her neck made him want to place his hand there and squeeze, push her against a wall and pull up the gauzy dress she wore that made her curves too visible for his comfort. He knew what was under that dress and he wanted to see it again. See it on his bed, her legs stretched open wall to wall, her big eyes looking up at him when he entered her heat…

Before he could even gather himself and act chill, (as if the sight of her with some other man didn't bother him when it clearly did agitate him), another dude was yelling at Yani, man-handling her as if he owned her.

Erik saw Yani grimace and that was it.

When she broke away from her baby's father, he wanted to follow her, but the other guy she was with trailed behind her and the baby daddy started to act buck with Erik.

"You ain't gon' do shit, bruh," Erik told him, even laughing at dude when he started flexing for the crowd, but not really trying to go there with Erik. Two other men came over and pulled the man away, calling him "Chez" and Erik made a mental note to check the guy out. He was so quick to come down on Yani, Erik got the feeling the dude was trouble and could retaliate.

"You know her?" Tahir finally said when the commotion calmed down.

"She works at the compound for Klaue."

Tahir's eyes perked up, but when he glanced at Erik, he got the hint that she was off-limits.

He sat back and sipped on his rum again, his eyes scanning for Yani and spotting her near the D.J. booth talking to some people. A huge banger thumped through the speakers and Erik head-bobbed with everyone else as they all watched a cute woman climb onstage. She started humming and then her voice faded under the music.

Did she forget the words or something?

Another woman came on stage and snatched the mic from the first girl and told the D.J. to start the song over. That slamming intro whopped everyone over the head again, and this time he watched Yani climb onstage and join the new girl and they sang a hook that made the crowd go buck wild.

Shit. They sounded good, Better than good.

"Is that my Goddess again?" Tahir squeaked, bouncing on his feet.

Erik stood up and rocked along with the club patrons. The smokey deeper alto of the other singer cradled Yani's honey voice, the harmonies flowing to a young dude who bounced on stage, his energy high and infectious as he spit bars that elevated the music even more. Kendall. Erik yanked out his cell and began recording for Leona.

"Fucking incredible," Tahir said nodding his head and raising his hand when Kendall told the crowd to.

Yani and the other woman rocked behind him as Kendall extolled the virtues of why he loved a woman's ass. Yani and the woman bounced their ass cheeks to the beat, turning sideways so the audience could see what they had, and Erik felt a groan clamp down in his throat watching Yani stick her tongue out playfully and shake her cheeks low, her left hand clutching the hem of her dress as she showed everyone the outline of high-grade shelf booty.

The first song ended and Kendall introduced Yani and his other cousin Twyla. Both women bowed to the audience and stood behind Kendall as he went into another song that was just as good.

The kid was good, a little shaky on his transitions, but he held the audience pretty well. The second song didn't have a need for Twyla or Yani, so they just danced together being excellent hype women for their cousin who had pretty decent bars and clever delivery. The last two songs they joined back in and when Kendall was done with his set, he received hearty applause and whistles from the crowd.

"Now we have to pay our respects people…," the D. J. said, "Yani…Yani…come back up here love."

Yani took to the stage again as Kendall stood next to her beaming.

"Yani sang on Tattler's mixtape two years ago, and was on Big C's song 'Recognize Me', yuh remember? She's our Black mermaid!"

Murmurs from the crowd let him know they knew those tracks.

"Yani, take us back for a minute girl…please…"

The D. J. dropped a tune and the crowd shouted. Yani covered her face as Kendall laughed and patted her back. It was a hybrid of dancehall and a tiny bit of dub.

"I came here to watch my cousin perform and chill with my family Junior!" she said.

"For old times sake, Yani. We've missed you, love. Sincerely. You a real one."

The D.J.'s words triggered something in her and Yani covered her eyes. She burst out crying. Erik stepped forward wanting to touch her face and wipe those tears away, but Kendall stepped up and rubbed her back, whispering something in her ear.

"We love you, Yani!"

A woman's shout from the crowd, made Yani lift her head up.

Erik put his cell phone down.

"You got this, Yani!" Erik yelled at her. Yani's face gazed back toward his direction and the audience agreed with him by clapping for her.

"Turn me up," she said to the D.J. and he made her mic a little louder, "Can I freestyle? I don't want to sing that old version. Mi nuh want anything that reminds me of my ex."

The crowd laughed.

"Do what you feel, Yani," the D.J. said.

The music brought her back and Erik knew she couldn't see him, not with those bright ass lights on her face, but she stayed gazing out in his direction.

"Yuh my likkle water boy,

Wind me up like I'm yuh brand new toy

Yuh bring new kinds of joy

And me wahn some more

Wull on pon me

Wull on pon me

Wull on pon me and take away all me stress…"

Her flow had him moving his hips along with everyone else.

"Did you know she could do that?" Tahir asked, his fingers popping and his feet bouncing side to side.

"Her Aunt said she sang," Erik said, mesmerized.

"Me wahn to peel yuh like some fresh ripe fruit

Lick you down like my Auntie's soup

Got me pattin' on my kitty cat

Me suspect

You wahn grip my neck

Lookie,

I'll let you whisper me the rest

I promise this no test

Stop makin me vex

Come wull pon me…."

Fuck.

She was singing to him.

Erik felt the hairs on his neck raise. Her voice was way too intimate and the lyrics too specific to be about anyone else other than him. Her tone was seductive and she hadn't changed the direction of her stance facing his way.

"Lookie

Won't you come over love

So I can show you love

Promise I got enough to give you all you need

Lookie

Some lovers search to find a love like mine

A love as good as mine

I'll never waste your time

Such a vibe…"

When she finished, she giggled and let the mic hit the side of her hip. Erik felt like everyone could see that the smile on his face was for her and only her. Kendall hugged her and the club patrons clapped.

"Give it up for Yani, the Black Mermaid, yeah!"

"She needs to be home takin' care of her pickney!"

Chez's voice rang out loud and rude.

Yani's head turned in his direction, and Erik felt ready to stomp the nigga out right in front of her.

"What kinda mother hang out in a club with tits out like that? Shame!"

"Fuck you!" Yani yelled out to him and the crowd laughed.

Erik spotted Chez leaning on the other side of the bar.

"Out here being a hoe. You no hot girl no more—"

The crowd heckled Chez back.

"It's ok, it's ok, him try to shame me. It not gon' work. You want this smoke, Chez? I give it to you. Junior, give me Chez's beat. That old Big C joint he couldn't make pop."

Yani stepped to the edge of the stage.

"Run that beat back fuh mi," she said, "I see you. I got your hoe right here."

Chez threw his hands up egging her on.

"What you got for me, huh, bitch? What? You got nothin'!"

Erik felt his jaw clench.

"And dis a wah mi get fi understand Seh yuh cya keep yuh dick inna yuh pants Yuh think seh fucking every gyal mek yuh feel more like a man Yuh supposed to be my right hand, my go to And nobody nuh fi come to me about you Cause when yuh down, I lift you up I keep you moving when yuh stuck Yuh ma nigga you supposed to be my goku Or my best friend, who yuh texting Everyday yuh seh dem gyal yah upsetting But I'm patiently waiting Because anuh my time dem wasting Anuh my time dem wasting

Yuh tired dickhole

Pack up and leave if yuh nuh want mi Cause mi honestly rather be lonely Yuh nav nuh time fi me, yuh all fi yuh self, I see Pack up and leave if yuh nuh want mi Cause mi honestly rather be lonely Yuh nav nuh time fi we

No time fi Sydette or mi…"

Erik shoved his fist up to his mouth along with everyone else in the club as heads turned in Chez's direction.

"See, that's what happens when you come for me," Yani said.

She handed the mic back to Junior and stepped away from the stage with Kendall's arm thrown around her neck. The laughter was ferocious and it cut Chez deep, especially when she mentioned Sydette at the end.

Erik strolled over to the man to keep an eye on him, but Chez turned around and stormed out of the club with his boys.

He watched Yani get pats on the back and hugs as she made her way over to the bar. When her eyes caught him again, he thought he would have a chance to talk to her, but her boyfriend entwined his fingers with hers and took her out to dance.

Erik grabbed the nearest woman's hand and pulled her out on the floor with him.

Anything to be near Yani...

###

Part 5  [Part 6]

Authors Note: Lyrics that Yani spits is stuff I made up mixed with actual Jada Kingdom songs, “Wull On” and “Love Situations”.

Tag List:

@fonville-designs​ @soufcakmistress  @cherrystainedlipsbaby @tclaybon  @thadelightfulone @allhailqueennel @bartierbakarimobisson @cpwtwot @shookmcgookqueen @yoyolovesbucky @raysunshine78 @the-illllest @terrablaze514  @l-auteuse @amirra88 @jimizwidow

[snmin10]

Sleep No More Shanghai: (Delayed) Highlights

*This was written over a year ago and I just rediscovered it in drafts, so some info (particularly castings) may be outdated*

It has been 2 years and 600 shows since Sleep No More opened in Shanghai. Of those 600 shows, I’ve attended around 14 of them - half in early 2017 and half in late 2018. Travelling half way around the world to watch a theatre performance is a bizarre concept to many people, but I’ve never left disappointed. Spending days full of real-world discovery and evenings full of Punchdrunk-world discovery makes for a very happy trip indeed.

Show-wise, this most recent visit was possibly even better than the first. Some of that may be familiarity, but it’s also down to small changes in the format, logistics and narrative. There’s a concern, especially when travelling so far, that expectations may not be met. But that wasn’t the case. 

SNM Shanghai has developed. Interestingly, according to conversations with some local fans, certain changes - especially those to the narrative - have had mixed responses. But for me as a visitor, every single show I saw had moments of genuine thoughtfulness and inspiration. It felt like care for the show often came from both sides; not just from impassioned audience members projecting their love of the format, but also cast and crew members striving to create a piece of art that is beautiful, and ever-changing.

Some highlights...

- Dull housekeeping highlight: the queuing system has been updated and is great. I’m sure I can’t be the only one who’s interested in queues (what can I say, I’m British) so here’s a quick breakdown. Upon arrival there are now two parallel, roped queues outside the front of building: one for on-the-hour ticket holders and one for the quarter past ticket holders (there are signs in Mandarin and English to show which is which). People are strictly let in according to the time on their tickets, so I imagine that these two queues become the half past and quarter to queues later on. On-the-hour ticket holders were let through to collect their tickets from a small hut about half an hour before the show started. We then entered the building, went through cloakroom (still free, hoorah) and receiving playing cards. It appears that playing cards are still shuffled about a bit, with a chance of either an Ace or a 2 if you’re one of the first in. 

- Quick shout out to the security guard who monitors the queue and lets people through. He does a stellar job, to the extent that every single show he made a point of picking us out in the queue to wave the 7pm sign at us. Despite having been there a few nights on the trot, he remained extremely skeptical that we ever truly understood the system. He was extremely friendly and we never went wrong under his watchful eye.

- Big bonus: on-the-hour ticket holders get a free pre-show drink in the Manderley! We had no idea, but a kind crew member ushered us over to the bar. You can choose from a number of drinks, including a couple of cocktails and mocktails. They were good. 

- Man and Woman in Bar made an appearance a few minutes before the first lift and usually performed a song before calling the Aces. Zhu Sujie’s Daphne was a highlight in this role - effortlessly charming and attentive. I always prefer an accessible Person in Bar, rather than someone intimidating. Daphne had the knack of making audience members feel comfortable and not ‘put on the spot’ when making conversation.  

- On the second show I exited the lift on the ground level, walked into the ballroom and stopped dead in my tracks: James Finnemore Banquo! A favourite Drowned Man performer, I had no idea he had travelled over to Sleep No More. He’s such a delicate, introspective performer and I’ve always enjoyed his dancing - his pre-hoedown, bar-top solo as Andy in TDM in particular. I thought he’d make an excellent Groom, and sure enough, I got to see it on the third show. 

- Speaking of castings, I’m sure there’s a good reason as to why Ed Warner isn’t playing Boy Witch, but I have no idea what that is. 

- Debby is one of the few performers who (as far as I know) has been in place since my first visit in early 2017. Her Bride is captivating and uncomfortable in all the right ways. That loop is such a rich addition to the show. In amongst all the subtleties and mysteries of a Punchdrunk show, hers is such a satisfyingly clear narrative that makes the downfall all the more affecting. I think she rivals Banquo for the best choreography in the show. 

- The surprise of seeing a familiar interaction from New York turn into something altogether greater for the chosen audience member. It ended, around 10 minutes later, on a completely different floor with different characters. The complexity of the interaction reminded me of The Drowned Man; how a certain audience member could feel like they’d, without realising, stepped into a funnel that led them to something, or somewhere, else entirely. Specifically, it reminded me of how sometimes after the Conrad’s Studio 8 1:1, you would get spit out into the basement and straight into an oncoming Stanford, who would grab you and tell you to keep what you’d just seen a secret. 

- In fact, that feeling of ‘riding the wave’ seems such more present in Shanghai than in New York. There are a number of interactions that are chosen by a different character to the one you end up with. That lack of control is marvellous. 

- Wang Mingchao’s Boy Witch was absolutely ace. Fickle, flirtatious and zero fucks given. I like a petite Boy Witch and his was full-on, spreading the Boy Witch love thinly across anyone and everyone in the vicinity. 

- Another powerhouse was Ching-I Chang’s Sexy Witch, who I followed first loop of my first show without even realising who she was. She’s a performer who commands attention and always seemed to have a devoted gaggle of followers whenever I saw her. Perhaps it was just her exceptional posture, but I think she’d be a brilliant Lady Macbeth. 

- Can I just say how much I like Simon Palmer and Laure Bachelot? I never spent much time with them during The Drowned Man (did Simon return as Harry on the final night or am I imagining things?) but they are both such generous and inclusive performers. Even when playing Speakeasy and Lady Macbeth respectively, they have a warmth to them that’s hard to resist. 

- Walking into a Shanghai-exclusive 2:1 on my final show that I never knew existed, and which I only received because the intended recipient backed away in horror at the hand being offered to him. I hope that audience member doesn’t regret denying the invitation, but I am very grateful to them whoever they are (and not too proud to be second choice!).

- New spaces: a connecting corridor on the 5th floor, a spooky nook in the 3rd floor graveyard. I found the latter while following Danvers. It’s interesting that no matter how many times you’ve seen a show, your heart does a total newbie-lurch and you get the jitters as soon as you’re in an unfamiliar space. Is that what it felt like the first time?? 

- New moments: a Boy Witch/Malcolm interaction by the ballroom. I couldn’t really see through the crowds - are they dancing?

- Having spent lots of time with Olly over the years - as Dwayne in TDM, as Macduff and Porter in New York, I spent little time with him here. But it always made me chuckle to see him pass by, 5 minutes into the show, having already accrued about 200 audience members. 

[pass-the-bechdel]

Brooklyn Nine-Nine season four full review

How many episodes pass the Bechdel test?

72.72% (sixteen of twenty-two).

What is the average percentage per episode of female characters with names and lines?

33.41%

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 40% female?

Four (episode one ‘Coral Palms Part One (62.5%), episode thirteen ‘The Audit’ (41.66%), episode fourteen ‘Serve & Protect’ (42.85%), and episode sixteen ‘Moo Moo’ (46.15%)).

How many episodes have a cast that is less than 20% female?

Zero.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Twenty-seven. Seven who appeared in more than one episode, three who appeared in at least half the episodes, and ZERO who appeared in every episode.

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Fifty-four. Fifteen who appeared in more than one episode, six who appeared in at least half the episodes, and two who appeared in every episode.

Positive Content Status:

There’s an obvious increase in effort in this regard, but not in an awkward or unnatural way; they’re just clearly remembering that progressive idealism was part of the make-up of the series, and that you do have to actively work to reflect that in your ongoing storytelling choices (average rating of 3.09).

General Season Quality:

Good, clean fun; possibly the best of the show so far, consistent in character narratives and absent any of the disappointing trends that have left me luke-warm on this show in previous seasons. After the erratic third season, I was worried, but season four seems to clearly reflect a refocusing of the story that brings us back to the kind of quality the show initially promised.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) under the cut:

These are the best numbers this show has achieved thus far, and they’re not amazing at all; they’re barely above average. Sometimes I feel like I’m being too harsh, expecting too much, but then in moments when I catch myself delighting at, say, Jake being supportive and encouraging of his girlfriend’s success, I remember how ridiculously low the bar really is, and how absurd it is for anyone to ever suggest that asking for positive representation is too much, as if it steps on the story, interrupts the flow, or in any way weakens storytelling or character. Brooklyn Nine-Nine, when it is good, is very, very good, and this season reinstated incidental progressive side-commentary the likes of which we saw at the beginning of the series. It’s so easy, so easy to just drop in a line here and there, drop a comment, to even do it in a comedic fashion without impacting the value of the statement. To reaffirm a stance, a comprehension of the wider context of the world our characters live in. We don’t need a Very Special Episode for every real-world issue, like we got with the (absolutely stellar) ‘Moo Moo’ this season; just a bit of acknowledgment is all it takes to stand out. It’s not hard, and it’s really a bare minimum to ask that a story recognise the realities that its inhabitants live.

That all kinda makes it sound like I’m rolling up my sleeves to set in and disparage the Nine-nine in this review, and it’s not actually the plan. I’m happier with what they’ve done this season than I have been for any of the seasons previous, but I’m a little depressed by that because I don’t exactly have bountiful praise to throw around this time. Praise, but not bountiful. I really do admire what they did with the ‘Moo Moo’ episode, not only for the nuanced content itself, but for how they fit it in to the show without it seeming out-of-place; thoroughly serious in tone, but with comedic hits that maintained the feel of the show without undercutting the content. It’s an outlier in that it’s the only time (or at least the first time; the show ain’t done yet) that they’ve given over an entire episode to exploring a heavy real-life issue with the gravity it is due, but it is the strongest example of that return to progressive commentary (not so much incidental or on the side, in this case) that I had missed the last couple of seasons, and that has made such a difference to the quality of the show’s language.

Not every episode can be ‘Moo Moo’, nor should it be; there need to be different levels of realness, in comedy and in entertainment, and if every episode were at that upper level we would be dealing with a very different - and probably prevailingly negative - show. When I refer to what the show promised it would be back when it began, I’m talking about that balance of biting commentary against a backdrop of feel-good comedy, the kind of thing that provides the escapism of entertainment while still acknowledging diverse issues, with the crucial caveat of not falling into despair in the process of that acknowledgment. It’s less complicated than that makes it sound: the thing is, media has to acknowledge diverse issues in order to invite the participation of a diverse audience (or, rather, in order to make that diverse audience feel like they are welcome in this space). If your escapism is tailored to some privileged-straight-white-male version of comedy, you end up with the same shit as 95% of the pre-existing sitcoms out there, with all of their offensive stereotypes and complete absence of representation. Having proper, diverse representation doesn’t just mean token presences that adhere to stereotypes and conveniently don’t open up any difficult issues relating to systemic inequalities: you have to allow stories attached to characters that reflect experiences that real people like them might recognise, stories which say ‘I hear you, and I acknowledge what the world is like for you’. Again, it’s not as complicated as it sounds. It’s literally just representing a broader vision of life than what one single sort of person experiences, and doing that automatically means being honest about the uncomfortable existence of individual and systemic injustices, and this is where the caveat comes in: admitting that the world is messed up doesn’t have to mean telling negative, hopeless stories. If the only way we ever get diverse stories is by also getting depressing stories, then we’re trapped behind an insidious conceptual block, one that implies that if you’re not privileged-straight-white-male, you don’t get to be happy (and by extension, you don’t belong in comedic settings, because your life is too terrible to be funny).

Again, this is what I praised them for back in season one, what I felt like they lost their grasp on for a while, and what I feel like they’ve finally regained: the essential ability to be a feel good comedy, not the ignorant comedy of privilege, or the uncomfortable laughter of something too dark to really be fun. Remember when episodes would acknowledge Holt’s long, arduous battle for recognition and support as an openly gay cop, but even when that struggle reared its head again in the present the narrative wouldn’t founder in the misery of the fight being ongoing? Instead, the good guys would showcase positive behaviours and forward-reaching ideals, cementing the image and the embrace of progress to end any given episode on feel-good terms. Even ‘Moo Moo’, despite reflecting an unhappy reality without any easy answers, still carried an edge of hope. We need that; we need the characters to represent real problems for their communities, so that those communities have a voice, and we need the narrative to handle those problems with tact and nuance, to show that the voice is being heard, and then ultimately - even though we can’t magically solve the world’s problems with an episode of a tv show - we need the narrative to reflect hopefulness and/or support and/or compassionate understanding, so that having your story told is not a negatively-coded experience. Feel-good comedy isn’t about blithely pretending that issues in the world don’t really exist, it’s about presenting a warm and accepting universe in which the audience feels welcome, not as spectators to someone else’s narrow idealism, but as themselves. It doesn’t feel good because it’s a conflict-free environment where prejudice never roams, it feels good because the struggle against prejudice is acknowledged but not allowed to dominate the lives of the characters. It feels good because in spite of the mess of the world, the tone of the story is optimistic, it’s bright, it’s hopeful. In my mind, that tone is exactly what made Brooklyn Nine-Nine stand out when it first began; I hope to Hell that we’ve got it back for good.

[spidersmiceandeverythingnice]

Gonna write my scatterbrained Spicy Hot Takes on Agartha before the news is stale and I delete this annoying and boring chapter from my mental landscape, so bear with me:

I think Agartha’s main issue was just straight up poor writing. The Japanese direct translations being as downright offensive as they were is one thing - but overall, the chapter is just one plot contrivance after another. It tries so, so hard to go for a certain tone but can’t seem to stick to any one thing or idea. Disregarding themes about sexuality probably would have been the very best way to go about this chapter, since I think the most interesting part was the theme about storytelling and in-authenticity - we all know that That Line was annoying af in a game like FGO, but it CAN work in a series like Fate as a whole. I had a helluva long day at work so allow me to explain in the least scatter-brained way I can manage right now:

Here’s what I’m thinking: Scheherazade, whose name I guarantee I will spell wrong/differently every time I write it even though I’ve been able to pronounce it properly since I was thirteen (I was in a speaking competition and told some of the Thousand and One Nights using her framework as the opening monologue, long story short ANYWAY -) is traumatized by her ordeal with the king. This is a really good and interesting thing to explore! Fitting it in with the theme of storytelling - Scheherazade is deeply afraid of dying and will do whatever it takes to live, so she makes a fantasy world and fills it with legends, and feeds their energy to a Holy Grail. With this, and the power of a Demon God at her side, she plans to reveal magic to the human world in the most destructive fashion possible, allowing the fantastic to become ordinary, and destroying the Throne of Heroes itself in the process. Fate is a series were stories have power - but Scheherazade survived basically by telling the most fantastical, interesting tales she could and never finishing them. She always would pause in the middle, and say, “That’s all for tonight.” I think this is the kind of thing we can run with in terms of setting.

Dahut is the weirdest example because it’s the one story in the chapter that I know next to nothing about. At one point it’s mentioned that Dahut is impossible to summon as a Servant, and so Drake was “forced” into the role of the Pirate Princess. Ys is probably the weakest part of the chapter for that, but I did like the idea of her being “Drake Alter,” where Drake vibrantly pursues her goals and desires but takes nothing for granted; Dahut gives into her every whim and takes absolutely everything for granted. The conflict between “Drake” and “Dahut” should have been emphasized more instead of having the player/Da Vinci dismiss her as “Oh, it’s not Drake, except when she conveniently comes back to delivery us the MacGuffins Ex Machina in the eleventh hour.” Dahut has little connection to Drake - it’s not her story, but a role she was forced into because Scheherazade was building a very specific kind of world. Therefore it is inauthentic. Perhaps that’s all it needs to be in this context. 

This can also work with the Amazons. Scheherazade never told stories of the Amazons, but she has access to basically all stories in the world through her Noble Phantasm - she learns that they are a society of warrior women who live without men, and so decides that they will be a society which oppresses men due to her fear/bitterness towards men after the ordeal she suffered through. The “oppressing men” plotline was honestly dumb all around but using the Amazons as a mechanism to explore Scheherazade's trauma would’ve been more interesting than just having them be the Big Bad before the Big Bad Columbus Reveal: Scheherazade doesn’t like fighting, but wishes that she had been strong enough to protect herself. Because she views herself as a coward and her ordeal with the king has complicated her view of sexuality - “I’m better suited to a bedchamber than a battlefield” - she uses the Amazons of Agartha as a mechanism to cope. 

This brings us to Wu, whose design I’m still not happy about even though I think the in-story justification is somewhat fair. (Let Helena and Wu be gray-haired grannies together or so help me!) Wu was absolutely an authoritarian ruler who did, in fact, invade and conquer several nations and institute a terrifying network of secret police. In her later life, she was given to decadence - but her tenure on the throne showed her to be a highly competent administrator. Notably, she ruled over an era of religious tension and balanced matters quite well, and though she was accused of undoing meritocracy to put her supporters into power, many of the men she appointed held positions in government long after she’d died because they were actually good at their jobs. Wu has been heavily mythologized over the years - later Tang emperors and Neo-Confucian scholars wrote her off (Wu founded her own dynasty under her own name, so they kind of had to legitimize it somehow), she became associated the nine-tailed fox spirit thanks to a few popular novels and poems, etc., etc., etc. The crazy thing is that Wu actually left very few records of herself behind, apart from some poems. Even the inscription on her tomb is blank! People can say whatever they want about her - it’s extremely difficult to know the full truth of the matter without any objective observers in the field (and without Wu’s own words to give context/another story), especially if you don’t read any Chinese. 

BTW - the first thing I learned history class is that when you’re dealing with primary sources, you must always remember that translators have agendas. Every word is a deliberate choice, and it changes the meaning from the original text. When dealing with historical documents, this is not always a good thing. 

Scheherazade reads some, but not all of these stories, and integrates Wu into her world as the sadist empress with an iron grip on her decadent mythical city. 

Do you see what I’m getting at here? It’s a lot, but I’m not done. Now we have to deal with Columbus - there’s “In Defense of Columbus” video is floating around in the Agartha tag, but I haven’t watched it in full and haven’t done like, any intensive research on Columbus in particular, so I’m going to apologize right now for any historical inaccuracies/misconceptions that I’m about to write. The point I want to make here mainly is that Columbus, like Wu, has been heavily, heavily mythologized for both good and evil at various points. The thing about Columbus that is also interesting is that the authenticity of his journals is or was apparently a subject of debate. The man who published most of them actually happened to be Bartolomew de las Casas - one of the founders/first vocal supporters of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. The reason de la Casas supported this is because he believed that using African labor would be an improvement over enslaving the native populations of the New World. Soon after, he had a change of heart and devoted the rest of his life to fighting against slavery in all forms. De la Casas went on to be named a saint, and was possibly the first person in history to propose the idea of universal human rights - which is how I had heard of him until literally just this afternoon; I had no idea he’d ever supported the slave trade until I was looking up basic info about Columbus’s writings so I could write this long-ass post. History is full of complicated people. 

But as I mentioned in Wu’s bit, it’s very important to note that in many ways, Columbus is literally just whatever people decide he is. Like, he never even set foot in any land that would become the United States, and yet he’s a huge symbol here! Along these lines, his amnesia would fit the theme of inauthentic storytelling, choosing what to read and what to believe in. Columbus regaining his memories was an understated moment, which is actually fucking fantastic because it could be used to really emphasize the choice that is being made here. He’s a Heroic Spirit who can choose to be whatever he wants. He can choose to be the simple hero-explorer that schoolchildren sing about, or he can choose to be the Big Bad, the first and perhaps most infamous conquistador. And he chooses to be the bad guy. That is so fuckin’ fantastic, y’all! I honest to God love that not only did FGO portray Columbus as a villain of history but that the bad reputation is something he chooses to maintain! I can write a list of Servants who were less than stellar people and got a makeover for Fate. Nero is probably one of the worst examples but like - Ozymandias absolutely owned slaves in his life as a pharaoh. Hercules and Medea murdered their own children. Asterios literally ate humans as the Minotaur. Gilles de Rais exists as a playable character. Jack the Ripper is your daughter. Hell, Nobunaga burned temples with the monks still inside - but she feels bad about it now! Enough digressing but I a hundred percent get why Japanese fans found Columbus “refreshing” at his introduction. He owns his cruelty, his desire to exploit others - he challenges the narrative that everyone is redeemable because he doesn’t even want to be redeemed, he just wants to get rich and famous, and he doesn’t give a shit who he steps over in the process! Like, Columbus said, “I’m just doing what comes naturally,” at one point when he still had amnesia, so when he got his memory back and turned on the player, I really would’ve liked for him to say is something like, “You’ve already decided that I’m the bad guy, right? You know my story, and I’m nothing if not a man of my word.”

These kinds of questions/debates could have been used to emphasize the themes of Agartha. Legends are what people decide they are. People make choices and history decides whether they were good or evil or important retroactively. Can you know what someone is like by reading a translation of their poetry? Can you judge a king’s reign by the words of their successors or their rivals? Does the context of a story matter? This all could have been super interesting to explore!

Like I said, the main theme of Agartha being “inauthentic storytelling” could have been hella, hella good considering that this is a world created by Scheherazade’s fears and trauma feeding into her escapist desires. But Minase’s incompetence as a writer made everything so hamfisted and awkward that everything just suffered under his desire to insert his fetishes at every moment. It was so obvious that he didn’t read any material for old Fate characters - like Astolfo you poor sweet thing, you deserved so much better! - and even the new characters that he clearly did research on, like Columbus, fell flat because he couldn’t figure out what he was trying to say beyond mildly-to-extra offensive sex jokes.

[rebelsofshield]

Panels Far, Far Away: A Week in Star Wars Comics 9/25/19

A crowded week ends the Age of Resistance, brings the fight to Darth Vader, and dives further into the inner layout of a dark temple. Yup, even when I’m over half a week later, I’m still gonna review Star Wars comics.

Star Wars Adventures #26 written by Cavan Scott and Adam Christopher art by Derek Charm and Megan Levens

Star Wars Adventures doubles down with two new Sequel Trilogy stories this week. Superstar team of Cavan Scott and Derek Charm showcase a lost lesson between Luke Skywalker and Rey and Adam Christopher and Megan Levens guide Tallie Lintra through Wild Space.

I’ve put a lot of praise over the past few years on the creative duo of Scott and Charm. The two have regularly proven a near unparalleled ability to tell creative and visually fun short stories starring Star Wars’ ever expanding pantheon. Their story of Rey and Luke may not be their most striking, but the ability for these two creators to tell fun and true to character narratives stays consistent.

While placing it in The Last Jedi’s chronology is more than a little difficult, “Life Lessons” still provides a fun little character study of its central duo along with lots of requisite action and humor. Charm and Scott manage to nail Luke’s world weariness while still keeping his sense of humor and nagging responsibility for duty and heroics. It manages to be a fun glimpse into Rey and Luke at a key point in their lives while also offering a sea serpent and Chewbacca saving Porgs.

It appears that Tallie Lintra is set to join the likes of Biggs, Porkins, Dac, and dozens of others shortlived pilots who became franchise staples years post mortem. This story of Tallie rescuing a stranded smuggler is surprisingly economical with Christopher plugging a full story into just eight pages. We don’t necessarily get more of Tallie as a character, but it makes for a fun enough tale and opens the door for further adventures later down the line.

Score: B

Star Wars Age of Resistance: Kylo Ren #1 written by Tom Taylor and art by Leonard Kirk

Kylo Ren is one of the most dramatic and thematically rich characters in the Star Wars saga. Whether you want to see him go down as a self-destructive force of evil or redeemed to join the light, the lost son of Han Solo and Leia Organa has carved a path of tragedy and intrigue in his wake. It’s hard to blame Tom Taylor for making three of his eight Age of Resistance titles orbit around Kylo, but now it’s time to give the son of darkness the spotlight.

One of the most inspired aspects of Kylo’s character has always been the insecurity of his own legacy. Star Wars could never replicate a villain of Darth Vader’s gravitas and pathos, so the shadow of this family history became a defining part of his character. “Out of the Shadow” takes this dynamic and spins it into a large scale galactic battleground.

The First Order looks to capture a planet that tested The Empire during its original reign. In particular, the local warlords and their mysterious god proved difficult for Vader himself. Kylo looks to bring this planet to heel while also fulfilling and also exceeding his grandfather’s example.

The resulting narrative is simple but effective. By pairing Kylo with a Stormtrooper that served in the original Imperial army and seeking parallels between both generations of Dark Siders, there is an impressive layering to the story that makes it feel more mythic in scope. Kylo’s struggle with his own legacy won’t be resolved by the end of this comic, but Taylor plots an effective glimpse into his back and forth.

Leonard Kirk succeeds in particular here. Many have complained about some of Kirk’s creative choices when it comes to rendering Adam Driver’s face to the page. Luckily, like his earlier Captain Phasma issue, much of the issue calls for a mostly masked protagonist and lots of large scale and high intensity action sequences. It gives Kylo a larger than life victory that he’s been missing from much of the recent canon.

Finally, after a year in publication, the Age of… maxi series has come to a close. While most of these comics were fun and forgettable, we did get a few stunners along the way and finally got to see more of some of the franchises iconic but less highlighted characters. Hopefully, this opens the lane for more exciting things to come.

Score: B+

Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order-Dark Temple #2 written by Matthew Rosenberg and Paolo Villanelli

We are just a little under two months until Jedi: Fallen Order releases on video game consoles. With a new trailer highlighting the games story and gameplay dropping earlier this week hype is starting to build for this long overdue addition to the lengthy Star Wars gaming canon. Luckily, we have Dark Temple to hold us over.

Matthew Rosenberg continues to split the script for this series into two segments. The first taking place in a present sometime after Revenge of the Sith following Second Sisters hunting down of a Jedi holdout and the other following Cere’s adventures on the planet of Ontotho. Now separated from her apparently deceased master and uncovering the hints of a massive conspiracy, Cere finds herself searching for allies and desperate for survival.

As with last issue, Dark Temple offers two disconnected but nonetheless entertaining segments. Paolo Villanelli’s pencils are stellar at capturing in motion action sequences and his depiction of the Second Sister continues to be brutal, swift, and deadly. Visually it’s enough to make these openings exciting even if how they connect to the main story is still mostly a mystery.

Cere on the other hand is still struggling to define herself as a character. Thompson has crafted an intriguing and detailed conspiracy to ravel her up in, but as fun as it is to read, I still can’t help but feel that we are failing to get to know this young woman and what makes her tick. Luckily, Thompson populates the mystery with an enjoyable smarmy villain and a cantankerous droid sidekick that feels classically Star Wars.

Hopefully the less impressive aspects of Dark Temple come together over the next few issues. As of the moment, the plot and art are more than enough to keep me reading, but I would love to get to know more about the woman at the center of this comic.

Score: B

Star Wars Target Vader #3 written by Robbie Thompson and art by Stefano Landini

Writer Robbie Thompson is playing the slowburn approach to our getting to know the galaxy’s newest (sorta) cyborg badass. Each issue of Target Vader so far has slowly teased out the history of Beilert Valance with each giving us slightly bigger glimpses into his past. While backstory is never a substitute for poor characterization or bland dialogue, getting in touch with Valance’s past does help and slowly Target Vader is improving alongside it.

As it stands, most of the regular issues behind this comic remain. Valance and his bounty hunters are for the most part an uninteresting cast of characters and it’s more than a little difficult to get invested in their high stakes hunt of Darth Vader. The big reveal that the rebellion are the Hidden Hand at the end of this comic’s first issue still robs the story of much of its mystery. (There is also the possibility that this was a fakeout, but there hasn’t been info presented in the script to really challenge this reading so far.) The art is serviceable but is often let down by some bland coloring decisions by Neeraj Menon.

There are some of life though. As mentioned earlier, this issue’s opening flashback to Valance’s time in the Imperial military is the strongest of these so far and hints towards an intriguing relationship between him and Darth Vader that will hopefully get fleshed out more down the line. There is also a welcome wrinkle in bounty hunter, Urrr’k. While simply having a sharp shooter badass female Tusken was a great addition to the comic, the idea that she might actually be some sort of imposter or sleeper agent adds a welcome air of uncertainty to the ensemble and spices up an otherwise bland cast of characters.

All in all, there is still some thrill in watching a well laid plan by some galactic scum bring Darth Vader down to their level. Thompson centers the issue around one large trap of a set piece and the result proves fun despite the shaky foundation that is built upon.

We are only halfway through this comic so maybe the story hints that are starting to show themselves will make this story worthwhile. Let’s hope so, because the potential is certainly there.

Score: C+

[i-am-the-entertainer]

The Power of Ambiguity: When Some of RWBY’s Questions Are Better Left Unanswered

So, full disclosure: Volume 6, Chapter 9 “Lost” is one I have mixed feelings about. I think it fails to deliver on some major story threads this volume has introduced, and thus it stands out as a disappointing installment in what has otherwise been a stellar volume (I go into more depth about that in my full review).

But, paradoxically, I also think it contains the best scene in the volume, potentially in the show as a whole. And that scene is the one with Jaune and the Red-Haired Woman.

If upon her appearance you assumed that she was Pyrrha’s mother, you may have been left confused by her sudden disappearance and her credit as merely the “Red-Haired Woman.” I certainly was among that party, and there are still people who are unsure what to think: I’ve seen comments on the video from people who legitimately cannot figure out why the scene is framed so mysteriously.

It took me a little bit of time to realize the implications that there was more to the woman than you’d think at first glance. First up was that an autumn leaf just like the one Pyrrha saw in Volume 3′s “Destiny” was the thing that led Jaune to her statue; how does a leaf like that just magically turn up in the middle of the winter? Then there was her sudden appearance, right when Jaune was tempted to just walk away. Then we have her not introducing herself to Jaune despite clearly recognizing he knew Pyrrha, and then inexplicably disappearing right when Nora and Ren showed up with no apparent time to have left the flowers and walked away liked that. All in all, there were a lot of things about the woman that just didn’t make sense if we accepted her as Pyrrha’s mother or some kind of relative, unless she didn’t have a reason to introduce herself to Jaune: unless, and this seems almost unbelievable, she was Pyrrha herself, paying Jaune a visit from beyond the grave (or, well, dust).

Of course, you could also argue the opposite: if she’s Pyrrha’s mother then she absolutely already knows who Jaune is from watching the tournaments and presumably from Pyrrha’s communications, and she figures Jaune could probably put two-and-two together to figure out who she is. Additionally, we do hear her walking up to the statue, implying she didn’t necessarily just appear from thin air. Then you have the fact that she left the flowers on the statue, which is physical evidence that she had been there. But honestly it really could go either way. There’s nothing definitive going on here where you could say “She was Pyrrha’s mother” or “She was something supernatural.”

The thing is, it looks like some viewers are having trouble accepting this ambiguity. When I explained to one of the commenters that it was framed mysteriously to imply the Red-Haired Woman may have been Pyrrha’s spirit, the person flipped out. They claimed that having a ghost appear on a show where paranormal occurrences aren’t part of the established mythology opens a whole can of worms that would just complicate everything. In their view, the way the scene was framed implied Miles and Kerry couldn’t decide on who the woman was, so they decided to be lazy and not make a firm decision either way. That the ambiguity was an unintentional result of the writers’ indecision.

Although I understand why this commenter thinks this, they’re wrong. According to Jen Brown (the voice of Pyrrha and this mysterious woman) on her Twitch stream there is, in fact, a definitive answer as to who the woman is but she cannot give the answer and doesn’t know when or even if the writers plan to reveal it. Hero Hei speculates based on Brown’s phrasing that at least in the script, the woman is not intended to be Pyrrha’s spirit and is probably a separate character, and I would concur it does appear that Jen Brown does not agree with the “She was a ghost” camp. In their minds as the series’ writers, Miles and Kerry made a specific choice as to who the woman is.

But the thing is, on some level you do have to divorce the thoughts of the writer from the work, especially in something like visual media where changes may come in the actual scripting and direction of a scene. This sort of follows the “Death of the Author” concept of separating the writer and their thoughts from what they put down in the actual text: think JK Rowling stating all these “canon” facts about the Potter series despite not following through in the actual text she published (more info on this and the term “Death of the Author” in general in this excellent Lindsay Ellis video). Miles and Kerry know exactly who this woman is, yet they chose to write this scene in a way where her identity is not clear as written. Likewise, in film and television directors will make specific choices in how a scene is framed: Kerry and Connor chose to frame this scene in a way where the viewer cannot tell just from watching who the woman is. The woman having an answerable identity is a specific choice, but so is choosing not to give the viewer that answer.

So, you may ask, why did they do this? Well, to put it simply...it’s complicated.

It’s worth explaining that toying with the supernatural is actually quite common on television shows that don’t actively depict paranormal occurrences. It’s a trope called “Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane,” where an event is framed in a way that could lead the viewer to believe it is out of the ordinary or that it is a coincidence, and things are left just as that.

There was an episode of Bones called “The Hero in the Hold” where Booth escapes from a booby-trapped ship with the help of what he believes to be the ghost of an old army buddy who died on a mission years before: later in the season the incident is referenced when it turns out Booth has a brain tumor that is causing vivid hallucinations, and Booth’s belief that it was a ghost appears to become moot. Except in the case of this episode, this hallucination actually helps him out with escape methods that Booth could not have achieved by himself, like diffusing a bomb or retrieving a weapon that Booth cannot get to. Even Bones sees the deceased army buddy at the end of the episode without realizing who he is.

Bones has a couple of episodes where some happenings are implied to be paranormal, but the series remained to the end a procedural drama about forensic investigators––they didn’t become ghost hunters, they didn’t consult psychics on cases, absolutely none of that. And that’s the thing: writers don’t do this trope because they want to add a paranormal element. There are two things going on here:

1. It’s a narrative device designed to service the character more than it is a contribution to the series mythology

Basically, “It doesn’t matter whether or not it was magic or mundane.” With the Bones episode “The Hero in the Hold,” the fact that a ghost is haunting Booth is a framing device more than it is a plot device. Booth is kidnapped by a serial killer the team has been chasing for some time, and is left without their help. The episode is mostly about the team trying to outsmart the killer and Booth relying on his wits and resourcefulness to escape, while also dealing with the survivor’s guilt from watching his friend die years before. The ghost is there to give Booth the courage to continue, and to help him confront his past. Booth’s character development from this episode would have happened regardless of whether it was a ghost or a hallucination that spoke to him, because what happened felt real enough to him.

2. It gives the viewer something fun to think about

Think theory fodder. The writers are specifically leaving the decision in your hands––you have been granted power over a question they’ve left unanswered. How much fanfiction have you read or written about an unanswered question a show or movie or book or webcomic didn’t specifically tell you, like what happens after the story ends or where this character was when they weren’t the focus of the story? The ambiguity is trusting you to come up with your own answer. Your opinion is now an integral part of the story. Even The Twilight Zone, a show where paranormal occurrences were basically a regular thing, had one episode called “The Grave” with an ambiguously framed death which Rod Serling flat out asks the viewer to decide for themselves whether it was a normal death or caused by a vengeful ghost.

Let’s take a look at the scene of Jaune and the Red-Haired Woman again. What exactly did Jaune need in this moment?

Jaune never got any closure from Pyrrha’s death. She prevented him from helping her by forcing him to leave, and he ultimately did not witness it. He was told during Volume 4 that a choice was made for her that ultimately led her to confront Cinder. He was so torn about how she went down that he personally attempted to avenge her murder at Haven in Volume 5. Literally last episode he was told to his face that her death and everything that had led her to make the decision to fight Cinder had completely been for nothing. Seeing her statue in the park at a low moment, he is only reminded that she is not standing with the rest of her team, that she was killed in the line of battle for a hopeless cause. It’s an idea that viewers themselves have realized all volume, having learned Salem can’t be killed months ago from our perspective.

Yet the Red-Haired Woman suggests, without even needing to know everything about Jinn and Ozma, that this wasn’t really the case. “She understood that she had a responsibility to try. I don’t think she would regret her choice, because a huntress would understand that there really wasn’t a choice to make. And a huntress is what she always wanted to be.” Hearing this, Jaune adds to it: “Pyrrha never got the chance to graduate...but she was a huntress.” The woman, having needed to hear that, tearfully thanks Jaune for the words.

Now consider it: heedless of any debate of who the Red-Haired Woman is, through their conversation Jaune comes to accept that Pyrrha’s death doesn’t have to be thought of as in vain: she died as someone she had always wanted to be, a huntress who without question would fight to protect everyone, no matter the costs. When Ren and Nora arrive he shares with them this realization, and they all accept that Pyrrha’s choices were her sticking to her true self, and that they should continue their journey as she would by sticking to their devotion to be hunters and huntresses.

But now we’re back to square one. Was this woman really Pyrrha’s mother or Pyrrha’s spirit? Well, I’ll answer that question with a question: What interpretation makes this scene more powerful to you? That Pyrrha’s mother helped give Jaune closure and Jaune reassured her that her daughter was a hero? Or that Pyrrha’s spirit helped give Jaune closure and Jaune told her she died a hero? Which interpretation is the more interesting one to you?

Which brings us to a third variation of “Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane”

3. It’s both a narrative device and something fun to think about

Not only are you being provided a framework for a character’s development, you are also being given a choice to decide how you think the scene works. Whatever decision you make as to whether something is paranormal or not, it is your interpretation that maximizes the scene’s impact on you. The writer’s aren’t the ones who decide the answer, you are. And somehow, that kind of makes you part of the story.

This is why I consider this the best scene in all of Volume 6. Its main power is giving Jaune and the viewer some definitive closure over Pyrrha’s death, answers questions and conflicts over something that people have pondered about since the finale of Volume 3. And yet there’s an even bigger question posed over who the woman is. A question that the show has not answered and will not answer for sure. A question the writers have made the conscious decision to leave out of their hands.

The only person who can answer the question is you. Whatever answer satisfies you the most, that is your truth. And whatever your truth is, well, then let it be canon.

[sparda3g]

Attack on Titan Chapter 115 Review

This series keeps on giving. Whether it’s insane action, crazy drama, or emotional backstory, it has plenty to offer. It also contains a great mystery to many elements of its lore. This chapter wasn’t action packed and yet, I was very thrilled by its content. It’s going to be for a while before we see the inevitable end, but the build-up, the suspense, and the twist are enough to keep the audience excited and anticipated. Bottom line, this chapter was outstanding.

Before the chapter takes off to the wonderful journey, we have a short scene with Hange, Floch, and others, where they are very near to the location of the explosion that sent the fans blazing. It’s there to let the fans know that we are in for a rude awakening, one that would spark controversy. We will get to that fairly soon. Fans, myself included, have been aching to know whether Levi and/or Zeke have died or not. We first go over with Zeke and to answer that question, yes, he is dying. He did take on the lightning spear, so Levi wasn’t kidding. With that said it begins a very emotional “sendoff” for Zeke that truly got me sympathetic.

Let me start by saying the presentation is astonishing throughout the scene. Not only the artwork is clean and solid, but the visual and paneling are stellar with deep meaningful display. I grasp the heartfelt and sincerity of Zeke slowly passing out with his last vision of unachieved dream. Even the horses that slowly collapse got me emotional. Zeke’s fading words are depressing to read. Not only he’s dying, but he sounds deeply regrettable. It’s really the moment of farewell.

The flashback ensue and for many, it means his time is here; it’s the end of Zeke. I definitely bought it. That said the flashback does answer many questions, including ones we didn’t know we wanted. It picks up from the last time where Zeke and Tom discussed about eradicating Eldians. I thought the flashback last time was splendid and touching, but this last piece nailed it.

It was this moment where Tom gave him words that would set Zeke’s goal permanently. One info he didn’t share with Marley is about the War Renunciation Vow that can be broken. He confirmed it that the Founding Titan is present there and can work into their plan. Zeke cannot obtain the Founding Titan, but he can support the Founder and convince the holder to their plan. It’s the matter of trust that Tom counted on Zeke to make it happen. If so, then their dream can come true. Sadly, it would be their final moment.

As fans know already, Zeke is the Beast Titan currently, which means Tom must have been consumed. I thought this part is pretty sad. Tom was set to be eaten by Zeke to pass down the Titan. Although he won’t be around to watch Zeke, he will be in the afterlife to support and watch him to make their dream come true. Zeke agreed to carry on, addressing him as someone he wanted to say proudly: dad. That hit me hard. I really love this backstory between the two. I won’t say Zeke is forgiven, but I can really understand and emotionally connect.

Yelena has stated before that she has seen Zeke or Beast Titan as her God, so the following scene is not really new. The only noteworthy of it is how much she has been influenced by him, easily manipulated in a sense. Actually, this would be beneficial to the later scene. The point is she has been converted drastically. I don’t know if Zeke feels guilty or not, but it doesn’t matter much for he has an army to back him up.

One of the answers that I didn’t expect to get but quite welcoming is how Zeke learned about his biological parents through the report on Eren. Reiner and Bertolt reported the details on Eren and how they confirmed he’s undoubtedly the holder of the Founding Titan. He also learned about Grisha and where he was last seen. That’s how Zeke learned about everything, which is simple enough; however, my interest came from his reaction to it.

It was agonizing for him to learn so much about his family’s whereabouts after his departure. He also realized his mother was changed into a Titan and Eren confronted it. We all know how it ended; killed by his half-brother. It pained him to know his douchebag father was alive and made a new family. Could you imagine the pain that spawned from your own father carry on to another? Care or not, that’s heartbreaking. What’s also heartbreaking is he believe Eren shared the same fate as him. No wonder he told him back in the last arc that Grisha isn’t worth believing. That’s strikingly touching.

The last piece of the flashback is the most interesting one of them all. It’s when Eren and Zeke have a conversation back at Marley before the festival. It is very interesting in many ways. To begin with, the true plan is revealed and it’s actually from Zeke himself, hence the first part of the flashback. In other words, euthanize Eldians. This is very strange, but more on that later. Eren had a decision to make and what persuaded him to confront with Zeke was the moment from his father’s memory.

It’s finally explained on what Eren has seen during the ceremony where he holds Historia’s hand. If you recall, he went through many visions of the event where Grisha killed the Royal Family to obtain the Founding Titan. He finally witnessed it and from that moment, he gained a new thought about his next action. He revealed the tragic event to Zeke, essentially caught on the notion of Grisha’s awful act. It has some disturbing images to display with eerie words such as killing those children like a bug. To top it, he even went far as saying as killing them was a necessary for his existence. Translation: killing the Royal Family save everything. That’s messed up.

He did note that Grisha’s action was still a mistake as well as his own existence. It’s like we gone back to Uprising Arc Eren before his rebounding development. Because of the memory, he agreed to Zeke’s plan. This is really strange. Isn’t Eren all about accepting life or being blessed to live? Shouldn’t that be Zeke’s character, hence being the foil character to Eren? Is he serious about it or is it a lie? It is possible to be a lie since lately, it’s suggested that he is the same as always when looking upon life. If so, that is sad that Zeke is only bought in, but what choice does he have? Eren holds the Founding Titan.

The closing scene is pretty sincere. They couldn’t hand shake in agreement, so catching the ball would do. It’s a great symbolic of passing down the torch from what he shared with Tom. Whether Eren is truly hiding his actual intention or not, Zeke felt like he has bonded with a brother he never thought he wanted. Basically, it’s a bond he has grown fond of to cherish. Seriously, it would suck if Eren is lying, which has a strong chance. Zeke has grown greatly to me as a character. Now, he’s going to die; unable to fulfill that wish. It’s really sad.

Then a mysterious girl appears in a vision.

I didn’t understand what was going on. I thought the girl was someone he has long forgotten or cherished or something. It wouldn’t matter much, seeing Zeke has died or very near. His dead expression did sadden me. Then a random Titan appears, from the ground I assume. It opens its guts for some reason and place Zeke’s body inside. That was a strange moment. I really didn’t know what to make of it. It was just strange, but it won’t be the end.

The fall of Survey Corps continue with an interesting insight of the mental game. The opposing force, The Jeagerists, are taking over with more soldiers surrendering or even change side. Yelena is now feeling like the big boss with her overly confidence attitude. All she was missing was to say, “Excellent.” To think, I actually trusted her. Pixis keeps his head up despite the situation, but more importantly, disappointed with some of the soldiers who changed side. Some changed side because they believe in Eren; some changed side because they are enslaved by the poison they drank, Zeke’s spinal fluid to be exact. Shame.

The interesting part is despite Pixis being a hostage, he still outclass Yelena in their mind game. Pixis is mentally strong while taking shot at Yelena, who is mentally weak from insults. On the surface, she supposed to be dominant, but Pixis keeps bringing her down by showing her contradictions and misguided belief. He put her in her place when they talked about saving the world, when in reality, it’s only saving an island. Pixis is still the man; show her the reality.

That said the visual shows her looking pretty rough around the edges after logics were thrown at her. It’s clear Isayama deciphering her as a mental case; one in which needs a reality check. She’s perhaps mentally scarred by following the self-created cult with Zeke or Beast Titan as her God. I don’t know if Pixis will help her change her view or not, but as long as she stands by her belief, she is guaranteed to witness her early tragic fate.

The next scene is…very interesting…in a controversial way. I’ll be completely honest with you. I was spoiled earlier because it was a hot topic around the time. I am of course referring to Levi’s status. Before I share my own two cent, let’s go over the scenario. Hange and others arrive to the scene with a random Titan on the ground and Levi. Now, it’s time for the verdict on Levi’s status. Hange approaches to him and confirms it to everyone: he’s dead. Popularity poll? What’s that?!

The display of Levi’s body is gruesome to say the least. He has shards on his face, a really bad scar, and he lost some of his fingers; fingers to use the blade to hook on or trigger. Hange confirmed his status, but Floch insist to check his pulse. A strange phenomenon occurs from where that random Titan is at, but I’m going to skip that scene for now. Because of that occurrence, Hange takes the chance to take Levi and dive in to the river to make their only escape. That’s the last of them for this chapter. Levi is dead as the spoiler suggested.

I don’t think so.

The setting seems more favor to a lie or maybe even misunderstood. Hange looked at him and that could have been reasonable enough to buy in. What got me thinking twice is Floch. He wants to check the pulse to see if he is dead or not. One guy wanted to shoot Levi in the head, but it’s only Hange that told them he’s dead. Was it to prevent kill confirmed? Also, Hange was pissed when Floch suggested to check, as if to say, “Shit, once he knows, he’s done for.” Lastly, why would Hange take Levi with her if he’s already dead? You can argue that she wants the body for proper burial, but that doesn’t seem likely.

In my opinion, this is a good way to handicap Levi for this scenario. It’s no wonder it was shown how godly he is or was when he took on Zeke. This way, the Survey Corps would have a tougher time to take on Eren and his faction. Not to mention, he’s not only out cold, but he lost his fingers; essential in combat. You could argue that he will die in the next chapter, but the chance is about a half. He’s an Ackerman and he was caught indirectly, which is vastly different from Zeke, who ate the explosion directly and critically.

It’s uncertain at this time, but I do believe Levi will live. Now, how can he recover? I can see Hange and Levi going to Historia’s location and get his treatment somehow. Will that be enough? Probably not, but time will tell. If anything, I love the setup because it had everyone on their edge of the seat. Sure, some may stop reading because of their favorite character has died, if that’s the case. It’s suspenseful and the next chapter could make it or break it.

Now we return to the scene with that random Titan and it’s very interesting. Everyone caught the wind, literally, and they see the man they have been searching for: Zeke. Basically, he is resurrected. I really like the symbolism of his awakening; from heavy rain for his tragic end to the ray of light for his renewal beginning. It’s as if he truly is the God that Yelena has visualized. Hell, he’s naked as well, so it couldn’t be a coincidence on the symbol. It’s very interesting because of how it happened.

According to him, he met up with a little girl, who was in the vision earlier. She saved him by reconstructing his body in the sand. Could this girl be the original Ymir; the one from the legend? What’s enticing is the scenery Zeke was in; the one he called “Paths.” It’s the same vision as what Ymir saw after consuming Marcel. To be honest, I thought she was literally in the sandy place with a beautiful sky, but I thought wrong. It’s a special world that only two (so far) have seen. To them, it’s a bliss. Zeke is moving forward to the plan and without any distraction, he will meet with Eren in no time. Very intriguing…

This begs a lot of new questions that managed to remain under the established lore. Zeke has seen “Paths” like Ymir, but what exactly triggered it? Is it simply just wake up after their “sleep?” Why is it only those two so far? There could be more but on record, it’s them. Is there a change within Zeke, like has he changed his approach or everything remain the same? For that matter, why that little girl saved him? The way how it was illustrated highly suggest that Zeke is truly the key to everything. Amazing, because that’s what Isayama once mentioned about his character. He’s sticking to his word; I like that. So many new questions, but this arc has become very interesting. But why stop there when you can have a great exciting cliffhanger.

We’re back to where Gabi is held prisoner. She is still perplexed about her status and “devils.” I don’t blame her for feeling confused, especially since she wasn’t able to complete her development when Eren interrupted. Speaking of Eren, there he is, being the tyrant he is, but he does offer her a cooperation in order to save Falco. That’s surprisingly nice of him, though the mention of Sasha’s killer does irk me. Does he hold a grudge against her? She is frozen by his presence; he definitely reached boss status. Sucks to be her and the guards are just watching her suffering.

Hey, wait a minute. Is that Pieck in the background? That guard looks like her. That or Isayama is out of female character’s design. Out of nowhere, that said guard straight-up stabs the other guard right in the throat. Holy shit, it is her! Pieck! Damn, what a badass entry. No wonder she has tons of fans; in and out of story. Now this is a conflict that I thought I would never see; Pieck versus Eren. This is going to be damn exciting. Poor guard though. He’s just dying there from the stab to the neck; no one there to save him. Shit happens I suppose.

All in all, this was an outstanding chapter with plenty of unlocked secrets and new ones. It’s told in a very emotional story that could have been a wonderfully tragic sendoff, but there’s another plan in mind that has its own exciting road ahead. The best part is how it was presented. Whether you like the artwork or not, even if it was drawn really well, the visual presentation is fantastic, deciphering the characters’ behavior and emotional turmoil. Also, how it was paneled felt very meaningful. The ending left me excited, though Levi’s situation is alarming. I believe he will pull it off, but we’ll see. Whether you dropped the series or not, the road ahead shows a sign of great promises.

[terramythos]

Review: Transistor by Supergiant Games (2014)

Genres/Tags: Apocalyptic, Cyberpunk, Science Fiction, Romance, Isometric, 2D, Action RPG, Turn-Based RPG, Great Soundtrack, Short, Silent Protagonist, Female Protagonist, Great Lore, Narrated, Great Art

Warning(s): Graphic depictions of suicide.

Playthrough Notes: Standard playthrough on PC. 

My Rating: 4.5 / 5 (Strongly Recommended)

My Summary:

In Transistor, you play Red, a famous singer whose voice has been stolen after an attack by The Camerata, a clandestine organization with mysterious motives. You are accompanied by the titular Transistor, a sword that appears to not only be sentient, but know Red personally. Over the course of the game, you explore the futuristic city of Cloudbank as a malevolent, machinelike force known as The Process consumes everything in its path. As the game progresses, you learn what ties these mysteries together— and ultimately, the fate of Cloudbank and its inhabitants.

I love you so much, Red. You know that, right?

Minor spoilers and full review under the cut. 

I quite enjoyed playing Transistor, and while my numerical score places it on equal footing with Bastion, I really think I enjoyed this one a little bit more. Could have been the premise, could have been the setting, it’s hard to say. It’s not a perfect game, but I still enjoyed it very much on a personal level. Like with my Bastion review (x), I’m going to discuss this game primarily on two fronts— gameplay and story. 

First of all, the gameplay for this one was more interesting (and challenging) than Bastion’s, despite it being a similar style of game. Both are isometric action RPGs which pit you against hordes of enemies, and require you to learn strategy to overcome certain situations. There are some key differences between the two, however. 

Using the power of The Transistor (the sword collected at the beginning of the game), you collect “Functions”, which are basically spells with various effects. You can equip four of them at a time. But to make things more complex, you can also equip them  as permanent passive effects or as power-ups to existing Functions. As such, the game is extremely customizable with lots of interesting ways to approach a given situation. 

Let’s take the “Jaunt()” Function as an example. As an Active function, it works as a straightforward dash to help you dodge enemies. Passive, it speeds up your Turn() recovery (more on that in a moment). And as an upgrade, it has various effects focused on speeding up active Functions. All the Functions you get in the game (16 total) behave this way, which I’m sure you can understand provides lots of options. 

One extra twist to the formula is the “Turn()” concept, which briefly transforms gameplay from an Action RPG into (sort of) a Turn-based Strategy RPG. On a short cooldown, Red and The Transistor can freeze time, during which you can move freely around the map and execute a certain number of Functions. Then, everything speeds back up as you execute the plan. It was a small addition, but for me it really spiced up the gameplay and made it unique. 

As for the level design, it was usually pretty linear. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but it might have been nice to have more bonus “hidden” areas in the game. There were some here and there, but for the most part it was pretty predictable where I’d go and what I’d do there. 

That’s pretty much it for pure gameplay. Like in Bastion, there’s a hub of sorts that you can visit, as well as various challenges to complete for bonus stuff. I felt more motivated to complete the challenges in this one, just because I found the combat much more fun. Unfortunately you cannot 100% the game without delving into a NG+, so I didn’t get to complete all of them. The boss fights were pretty cool and felt a step above the ones in Bastion, but there were only a handful of them.

Story and gameplay are inextricable in certain ways. For example, the Functions() mentioned above are all based on public figures in Cloudbank, and using them in various ways unlocks the backstory of each person. While text logs aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, they usually don’t bother me if the content is interesting, so I didn’t really have a problem with this approach. For me it was an interesting way to encourage and discover different styles of gameplay, with the reward of more story for those curious about it. 

Story-wise, Transistor also has an undeniably bleaker tone than Bastion. Bastion is post-apocalyptic, but ultimately presents a hopeful narrative. Transistor is decidedly CURRENT-apocalyptic, which means you witness things as they collapse. It’s not an especially happy game, and it’s much darker than its predecessor, which is certainly worth knowing before diving in. 

Like in Bastion, the entire game is narrated by Logan Cunningham (again, a stellar performance), but the style is different. The Transistor, similar to Rucks in Bastion, narrates what you do as you do it. However, rather than a character telling the story as you play it, the narrator is a character directly involved in the action. The game utilizes this to build up the relationship between Red and The Transistor— and does so quite well despite one of the two being basically silent for most of the game. He’ll comment on what’s going on in the story, express surprise at something Red does, or wax poetic about their past relationship. There’s a lot of dialogue, but it all felt seamless with what I was doing in-game, which is impressive. 

And boy, was I not kidding about the Romance tag. I didn’t know what to expect when I booted up this game (I’d only seen some of the art), but a love story was not it. I was really impressed with how well said romance was written. Oftentimes video game romances seem super unrealistic to me (real people don’t talk like that!) with a few exceptions. To me, the romance between The Transistor and Red was remarkably well done, and integral to the game. How an 8-hour video game managed to create a compelling fictional relationship with only one of the two in a speaking role (and said speaking character basically being a sword), I have no idea, but it really worked for me and was a major, if unexpected, strong point of the game. 

Okay, so what about story content? This is actually kind of a gray area with Transistor, based on what I’ve seen. Some people really dig the story, but some decidedly do not. I think it really comes down to what style of presentation you personally look for in your stories. 

See, while the basics of Transistor’s story are straightforward, the game does not outright tell you many of the details. There’s a lot of things about the story, characters, and world that are left up to the player to figure out. For example, at no point in the game does a character sit down and directly explain what The Country (referenced by multiple characters) is; instead, you have to use context and figure it out on your own. That’s just one example; there’s quite a few details you need to read between the lines to pick up on. A lot of character motivation is hidden in the Function() biographies I mentioned earlier, and many would argue that this is not how character should be presented. 

Some people do not like this type of story, and that’s perfectly valid. There’s certainly some weaknesses to an approach like this; mainly, people will inevitably miss stuff. I researched people’s opinions on Transistor for this review, and many details that were addressed this way simply got missed. But I’ll just state for the record that I absolutely love stories with hidden details and meanings, and Transistor was no exception. There are some important things to acknowledge about Transistor’s story and why this approach makes sense. 

First, Transistor is above all a character-driven story. Yes, it takes place in a cool genre setting, but the focus of the story is Red and The Transistor, without a doubt. You know the Romance tag I referenced earlier? The relationship between these two characters is, in my opinion, the strongest part of the game’s story, and has the greatest emotional impact. Since the game focuses so much on these two characters and their motivations, why would either of them chew on the scenery with elaborate worldbuilding explanations? The villains’ motivations may matter to me as someone experiencing the story, but they don’t especially matter to the two leads, so why would we get info dumps directly in the narrative about them? That isn’t to say worldbuilding or character development is absent, just that you have to look for it, something not everyone is motivated to do, but I personally enjoy doing. 

You do also have to realize that Transistor is a short game; for me, it was just a little bit longer than Bastion. With Bastion, it made sense that there were elaborate explanations for the setting and characters… because the story was narrated by someone looking to tell a story above all else. Transistor is also narrated, but it’s by The Transistor itself as things happen. There’s a fundamental difference between the two, and it makes perfect sense that the focus is different. A short runtime provides less time to elaborate on every single thing, and that’s okay. 

All this being said, there were some moments that really should have been explained, because there were no context clues for them. Almost all of these appeared near the end, so I have to wonder if this was a time constraint or budgeting issue. A prime example is the final boss. Game-play wise, it was awesome. Story-wise, though? The explanation the game gives makes very little sense. A lot of “if we don’t do X, then Y will happen!” without any indication as to why Y would happen. In the grand scheme of things, these were minor details, but I’ll be the first to admit they were not presented in the best way, and it’s a bit disappointing to encounter something like that during the ending. 

There! I managed to discuss the story without actually spoiling anything. Good for me, I guess. But there are a few more things to discuss.

Like in my Bastion review, I would be super remiss to not mention two of the strongest points of this game— the music and artwork! Darren Korb once again gives us an excellent soundtrack with Transistor. He takes full advantage of Red’s singer backstory in this soundtrack, featuring beautiful vocal tracks performed by Ashley Barrett. My favorites were In Circles (x), We All Become (x), and Paper Boats (x). That isn’t to diminish the excellent instrumental tracks, such as Old Friends (x) and Heightmap (x), which are great atmospheric tracks that remind me of some of Akira Yamaoka’s music in the Silent Hill series. 

One thing I really liked with the game’s soundtrack was that, when you activate the Turn() function, the song phases into an eerie hummed version of the track, also performed by Ashley Barrett. I’ve seen games like Nier Automata feature a dynamic soundtrack in this vein, and can’t help but wonder if they were inspired by Transistor. Without getting into spoilers, these hummed tracks also imply some things about the story without outright stating them, which I find super neat. 

If the soundtrack is great, the artwork is superb. Jen Zee, the art director at Supergiant Games, goes all out. I mean, just look at the pictures in this review. There are lots of art stills used as the game’s cutscenes (Bastion did the same thing), and they’re all just gorgeous. Very stylistic yet personal. The watercolor-style level design once again shines in this title; exploring the world was always a rich and rewarding experience based purely on the eye candy of each level. Transistor is undeniably an indie game, but that doesn’t inhibit its visual punch or player experience in the least.  

It’s hard to review Transistor without comparing it to Bastion. Ultimately, my main criticism of Bastion was that I wanted to know more about the setting and characters. This one gave me a little more character, and a little less setting. I thought the combat was more fun in this one. Is one better than the other? Most people would probably say Bastion is better, but I personally enjoyed this one more. I guess it really does come down to opinion on this one. 

Either way, I had a great time with Transistor and look forward to when I replay it. I recommend it with the story caveat I mention earlier, because it’s probably not for everyone, and if you like things spelled out and conclusive, this may not be the most satisfying title for you. That wasn’t a problem for me, so I had a great time with it. Definitely give it a shot if you have the chance!

[keanthegooseman]

A Court of Thorns and Roses | Series Review

Author: Sarah J. Maas

Series: A Court of Thorns and Roses (Book #1)

Genre: Romance, Fantasy

Publication Date: May 5, 2015

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐☆☆

"Don't feel bad for one moment about doing what brings you joy."

Okay so, I've been seeing/hearing about this book EVERYWHERE I go. Bookstores, TikTok, Instagram, Tumblr, YouTube, some chick I barely know, etc. I didn't really learn what it was about until I actually read the book, all I knew was that it was a fantasy romance novel. I picked up a copy during Christmas time when I was out shopping. I didn't know what to expect, and I certainly didn't know if I was going to even like it, "but hey", I thought, "at least the cover looks nice".

I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this book, considering the fact that I think this novel wasn't that good at all. Judging from the title, cover, target demographic, and the fact that I first learned about this book on TikTok, I was expecting a very horny, generic fantasy story with a less than stellar romance that women around the age of 25 would rave about. I suppose it is exactly that, but I weirdly enjoyed it. While it wasn't as great as the hype set it out to be, there are some things it did decently.

The introduction to the world and story was splendid. The first chapter introduces us to the main character, Feyre, hunting in the middle of the forest. From the get-go, we're shown her skills, goals, and personality, which I find makes it a lot easier for her to be endearing to readers. We don't get any long info dumps at the start, we get eased into the story through dialogue or Feyre's thoughts. The amount of info we get is just enough for it to be easy to remember, but it also leaves you curious to learn even more. Because most of what we learn comes from someone who is just as unfamiliar with the world as we are, every time a new tidbit of info pops up it feels natural instead of blatant exposition for the reader's benefit. 

The writing was just beautiful. Very detailed and entertaining without being bogged down by too many details. I was able to have a clear picture of characters' appearances and the environment, which helped immerse me in the story. Every scene was filled with atmosphere. Whenever there was action, my heartbeat quickened. Whenever Feyre was in danger I felt tense. Whenever a spark between Tamlin and Feyre flew, I felt excited (kilig would be a better word for it tbh). 

Okay, I was just praising the book but now it's time for me to be less than nice now. The pacing of the story was ass. It started out slow, which was great for the first couple of chapters, but it stayed slow in the first half with not much going on other than staying in Tamlin's mansion and a scuffle here and there. Then once the second half of the book comes along the plot starts to speed up way too quickly. We get introduced to the antagonist of the book, Amarantha, who is mentioned multiple times in previous chapters. I was expecting someone menacing, malevolent, powerful, and she did seem that way at first, but then she dies at the end of the book, and I felt all that build-up for her was wasted. Perhaps if the book was 200 pages longer, or 200 pages shorter it would have been better.

The romance between Feyre and Tamlin was rushed. Ignoring the fact that it has a fated lovers trope, which I personally dislike a lot, the first hints of romantic tension between the two was actually really good and had me looking forward to their eventual relationship. It was just a bit of subconscious flirting, nothing too spicy, and then of course a few chapters later, the author decides to dump a bucket of Tabasco all over and have the pair be so deeply in love in the span of what? A week? A month? And the fact that it happens in just a dozen pages makes it worse. Besides that, Feyre has more interactions with Tamlin's friend, Lucien, and for a big chunk of the story I thought he was the male lead.

ACoTaR starts off decently in the first chapters and has beautiful writing, but is marred from being great with its terrible pacing, forced romantic development, and a lackluster antagonist. Like I said earlier, I still weirdly enjoy it, and will probably buy the next book if I get the chance. I expect the next installment to be more smutty, and as mediocre. Would I recommend this to anyone? No way.