#getting mental health help is not weakness

[nagisas1simp]

Section 1 -

How does it feel to be a MagiKey user?

Misaki: “It makes me feel kinda weird though atleast I can train to help my fellow magical girls,boys, and people.”

How popular are you in MagiKey rankings?

Misaki: “At least in a mid section due to how “secretive” I can be”

Which MagiKey would you rather have than your own?

Misaki: “If I had to choose I would choose either Layla���s (@/laylakongg) or hittako’s (@/hittisbuzzing) due to how their powers and personalities kinda relate to me the most”

Why did you become a MagiKey user?

Misaki: “Well…I don’t remember clearly but I was about to get run overhead by a car but a gem appeared and it turned into a key then a white explosion happened and now I am here in this magical world..”

How long have you been in MagiKey

Misaki: “I don’t count the years tbh but I think about 2 years, that’s why most people don’t know most of everything about me.”

Section 2 -

What is their motivation to keep being a magical user?

Just to survive and be in the background. Misaki hates doing something that she never wanted but it is what made her survive…

How are they usually in a battle?

Misaki is the type to fight due to how she trains but knows when to stay back when they sense danger. They have a high alert system and tells the people who are beginning out to get out the way when danger lerks by. Misaki normally uses her powers

Misaki’s first ability, “blindly shine” can temporarily blind a specific target with a blast of light and the target can be anyone she chooses but she chooses to only use this ability when she is critically wounded.

Her second ability, “thorny heart” can control people with a mask : 🎭. But if she puts it on too much people, it is harder to control them and it is normally in a small amount of time but she normally does this when she is the only one left standing…

Her third ability, “sealed” can trap anyone in the vicinity of Misaki. Though it would be inclose range and if the opponent is strong willed then they can be able to break out and can easily hurt misaki.

Her fourth and final ability, “my dear dandelions” is her most powerful ability right now and this ability can tie anyone up no matter what but of course every power needs a weakness so this weakness is that if the person she ties up is strong willed the then can break out of it no matter if they are weak physically or strong physically.

How are their daily lives?

She normally just reads in a corner with some of the people she likes and walks around the school with tsukiko (@/yumaandyukitaka), Misaki sees tsukiko as a younger sibling to protect but won’t tell them just to make sure no one knows a single weakness in her.

What is their opinion on other MagiKey users in general?

She secretly care about them (but pretends to not care as much) and does see them all as new found family due to her “real” family not really care for her mental and physical health.

Section 3 -

What are your OC's struggles as a MagiKey user?

It’s mainly herself. Due to how when she is in her magical form. Their are voices in the back of her head telling her that everyone she cares about will eventually know about her lying and hate her for it and she can sometimes she visions of what with happen in the next few minutes.

One time when tsukiko first followed her, Misaki thought they were trying to make her open up which lead to a misunderstanding and Misaki yelled at tsukiko but then saw their terrified face and misaki apologized and said she just wasn’t ready… Misaki felt bad and wanted to apologize profusely due to that terrifyed look… it looked just like how she did when she was younger… a terrified child. Misaki gave tsukiko a gift just to make them happy and let them just follow her around..

She also doesn’t trust shin (@/liyuviq) as much due to their ability of showing the truth. Misaki often blames themselves for all the mistakes she has done and knows she is a bad person and doesn’t deserve what she has now. She doesn’t deserve to had another chance at living…

What is their favorite color?

A reddish pink but also likes yellow and purple.

Section 4 (extra things I wanted to add)-

Theme song

top of my school - by Katherine Lynn-Rose

What she think of other MagiKey users:

Qix Trix/Quartz (@/quartztwst)

Misaki: “They're quiet but at least they are more peaceful then the other chaotic people.”

Fragaria (@/quartztwst)

Misaki: “she’s…energetic? I don’t know how to explain it.. but atleast she good with talking to.”

Layla (@/laylakongg)

Misaki: “she is my favorite. She is quiet and our powers work very well together though she does tend to work alone like me but not all the time”

AJ (@/karamatsuboy-aj)

Misaki: “he’s very weird sometimes.. but his singing is good, I could listen to it. If he wasn’t so… energetic..”

Shuu (@/oya-oya-okay)

Misaki: “she is quite… interesting?”

Yuu Ni (@/thatsadguymochi)

Misaki: “she is pretty new so it’s best to not really get too close to her but I trust she won’t betray us.”

Hittako (@/hittisbuzzing)

Misaki: “She very interesting but she’s alright.”

Tsukiko (@/yumaandyukitaka)

Misaki: “she’s like a lost child. But she is nice company to be around with.”

Luna (@/waitlexist)

Misaki: “we don’t talk…but I think she is alright”

Undine (@/juchioris)

Misaki: “I don’t pay much attention to her but she is cool, i guess”

Kogane (@/kogane-twst)

Misaki: “one day she might get stuck in a tree just because a cat looks cute… but atleast the cats go to me once they jump down.”

Yuubeni (@/bunniehunn)

Misaki: “she’s weak, yes but atleast her magic ability are an high endurance of her soon getting more powerful and stronger…mentally.”

Yuka (@/chaotic-snow)

Misaki: “she is quite stubborn and has an innocent that will fade if she doesn’t learn about real life but I get why and I won’t ruin her childhood by telling her all the real things that happens in the real world.”

Yuu Fontaine (@/allykakamatsu)

Misaki: “they are alright. A knight in shining armor, that’s what I nickname them.”

Yuya (@/cheerleaderman)

Misaki: “I would like if they could tell me what space looks like due to how i haven’t really cared to look at the facts of it.”

Liánhuā (@/lafashionlsta)

Misaki: “I help her around the school when I am not in my form”

Alistair "Ali" (@/sunnysidesevenup)

Misaki: “they are quite chaotic but I don’t quite like that they have mind-reading due to my thoughts being… anyways.”

Yuuel "El" (@/stxrgazingattheclouds)

Misaki: “her personality is like a galaxy. Messy yet beautiful.”

Elay (@/dgiterart)

Misaki: “she’s pretty and is highly skilled”

Shin (@/liyuviq)

Misaki: “I don’t like them. It’s not like I want to kill them because I hate them. It’s jus that… they can reveal the truth about someone so I rather stay way from them…”

Rika (@/rinxleona)

Misaki: “she is a maid but she does it in an interesting way.”

Yuue (@/blueberriesblueberrie)

Misaki: “she looks like a ballerina tbh but atleast she is a good opponent.”

Yurena (@/ranas-twisted-wonderland)

Misaki: “I don’t know much information about them but they are a bug…”

Evelyn (@/h0neybane)

Misaki: “she looks like the moon so I always call her moonlight like my creat-.. wait what was I going to say?”

Airinniz (@/hanizmiyu)

Misaki: “she is beautiful and I would love to know more about her which I��ve already have.”

Akshara (@/twistedtalestory)

Misaki: “she is certainly diverse but we don’t talk much and her powers are certainly destructive as well..”

Yae (@/fi1nn)

Misaki: “she is in the support class but we sometimes hangout and get along well.”

Yuina (@/doe5dollars)

Misaki: “I relate to her and she is an amazing person in general.”

Vinny (@/cephalotyrant)

Misaki: “he is my son now. Anyway, I play card games with him(btw I let him win just to make him happy).”

Iris (@/lficanthaveloveiwantpower)

Misaki: “she’s cool and kinda nerdy. We get along well, we also read together”

Yumi (@/marinahavik)

Misaki: “energetic. She always wants to talk to me but I didn’t want another Tsukiko event to happen so I let her talk to me.”

Kirara (@/shinysparklesapphires)

Misaki: “she is basically the opposite of riddle. Which, i am not complaining tbh.” (Btw misaki doesn’t not like Kirara like that and sees Kirara as a sister)

Satori (@/soupidee-doo)

Misaki: “quite easy to manipulate them tbh but atleast they have strength to save themselves.”

Belladonna and Schneider (@/ieatfriedeggs)

Misaki: “I think belladonna is quiet? I guess but Schneider is easy to talk to…”

Yuurei (@/universaln0b0dy)

Misaki: “I think she is almost insane.”

Nova (@/nivvetsworld)

Misaki: “she is a definitely a god like a deadly one…”

Chiz (@/chizramue)

Misaki: “she is basically like Red and White Flowers Together(bad omen, representing blood loss and death) which I like due to how I am like Black Dahlias(symbols of betrayal).”

Bya-Chan (@/starlee246)

Misaki: “the way he use blot is quite.. interesting.. but it is still fairly dangerous to use blot.”

Mia (@/happilybeingthenerd)

Misaki: “she’s kinda stupid for leaving the team a lot but I don’t blame her. I do it too. Also is she Zeus?”

Alenna (@/the-dumber-scaramouche)

Misaki: “I prey with her every now and then.”

Hisui (@/ghostiidasponk)

Misaki: “I haven’t got the chance to hangout with her yet but I got some time to hangout with her now and I’m going to cook some delectables for her.”

Kimiko (@/slumberingrose-fandom)

Misaki: “I do wonder if she has read a bit too much Snow White and Adam and Eve stories…”

Yuki (@/galacticstationsblog)

Misaki: “i like to draw frequently with her and we normally like doing drawing challenges”

Euphelia (@/artarmy24)

Misaki: “we don’t talk as much but sometimes we hangout under a tree.”

Vee (@/heyhellohihowareyou)

Misaki: “he’s very energetic… like the others”

Nepeta (@/nepeta-and-co)

Misaki: “weird. But at least they are unique then the others…”

Vizzie (@/twistedwonderlandshenanigans)

Misaki: “they are dangerous. I stay away from them fo that reason. Best to now get on their bad side.”

Ko Mallory (@/croshelee)

(When Ko Mallory was alive)Misaki: “she is adorable. She is also my new child now!”

(When Ko Mallory died)Misaki: “… I…I don’t want to talk about it…it’s just.. let me leave for a moment…”

Lamiyre (@/schweindivine)

Misaki: “I think she is cool just because it is quite funny to get teleported to some random place”

Lillian (@/iluvmusicxoxo)

Misaki: “she is a type of jester to kill you if you don’t hangout with her…”

"Messenger" (@/dollie-ballerina)

Misaki: “I have nothing to say tbh.. she normally keeps to herself…”

(Btw this took too long to do😭😭😭😭)

Overview(all together):

Misaki: “some of them are quite overpowered and could easily kill anyone while I have my powers with flaws🥲”

Redesign:

Redesign with scythe(misaki’s weapon):

Questions for the MagiKey Users!

(Quartz and Yuu are examples!!)

(Please copy and paste the questions!!)

Section 1 - Your OC Answers!

1. How does it feel to be a MagiKey user?

Quartz: "God, it feels awful honestly but I ain't got much to do at home."

Yuu: "I really like helping people with our powers! I also get to meet so much people!"

2. How popular are you in MagiKey rankings?

Quartz: "I'm not that popular honestly and I'm glad."

Yuu: "A lot of people seem to know me but I'm not really a fan favorite when it comes to top 10."

3. Which MagiKey would you rather have than your own?

Quartz: "Uhh.. What's her name? Metamorphosis (@/lficanthaveloveiwantpower). Yeah. I think her power is neat and cool. It's probably more unique than what I have right now. I wanna make cool psychological illusions too."

Yuu: "I like Divinity's (@/nivvetsworld)! Their abilities look so powerful! Aahh! It's so cool! The weapon and everything!"

4. Why did you become a MagiKey user?

Quartz: "Yall act like I had a choice. That fucking bird that i hate."

Yuu: "Quartz was one and I was suddenly given a key years later haha! I just wanted to spice up my life a little!"

5. How long have you been in MagiKey

Quartz: "Three years. I'm pretty old but it's cool I guess."

Yuu: "Only a year! I'm still learning from Quartz and others. I wish to develop more of my abilities so I can help others!"

Section 2 - You explain!

6. What is their motivation to keep being a magical user?

Quartz genuinely has no idea. She doesn’t have the energy to go through Crowley's bullshit but she also doesn't know if she's able to stop now. She's three years in already.

Yuu just thinks it's fun and exciting. In the foundation that they were raised in, not a lot of things were fun as this. They also really like to help people and seeing people being happy. They genuinely wish to see people live.

7. How are they usually in a battle?

Quartz doesn't really like attacking and likes to support other MagiKey users but if she has to fight by herself, she will. She's actually really quick on her feet and disappears too easily like a rabbit. Her goal is to catch you off guard so she can strike you down but she doesn't usually have well calculated strategies.

With her first ability, she uses the scarves as a tool to restrain her opponent right after she makes them confused by pulling them out of their mouth. She can use the scarves to potentially choke and tie things to the opponent.

Her second ability let's her to summon anything out of her hat. She can even summon people. YES. PEOPLE. If someone is in trouble in a different area, she can summon them out of her hat. They might get dizzy after. She also can summon explosions made out of confetti and basically anything except actual weapons like guns, bombs.

In her final ability, she can blind people with her other eye. She can only use this in the beginning of a fight so she can land the better attacks.

Yuu doesn't really do most of the fighting but they can swing the heavy basket at an opponent to do heavy damage. They're mostly there for support as well with their energy boosting strawberries. They actually have really bad stamina but with the everlasting supply of strawberries, their stamina is boosted a lot. They are the one who tries to pull the MagiKey users together to fight.

Their first ability is them swinging that heavy ass basket at an opponent. In their early fights, they used to be super stiff but now their moves are fluent with them easily throwing the basket at an opponent and being able bounce it back to their hands. No one is able to pick up the basket but Yuu because it feels super heavy to others.

The energy boosting strawberries are their second ability. These strawberries can boost mood and performance in battles. They never run out of strawberries and they can make it rain strawberries with a swing of their basket.

Their last ability is a giant scary Grim popping out of their basket. They don't actually have to place the basket on the ground. They can carry it and let Grim attack opponents or scare them. Grim is SUPER hungry so anything he sees that is not an ally is TUNA.

8. How are their daily lives?

Quartz and Yuu don't really do much but go to school in their foundation. After that, they head to MagiKey's secret training school.

9. What is their opinion on other MagiKey users in general?

Quartz thinks they're cool. Nothing much to say but she's always curious on why other people would even agree to being a Magical User considering how young and risky the job is. But she's a hypocrite since she is one of them.

Yuu finds them amazing and super cool. They love to see other user's fights and cheer them on.

Section 3 - Deeper Level (might get emo)

10. What are your OC's struggles as a MagiKey user?

Quartz always thinks of herself as one for not thinking a lot but the thing is that she does. She absolutely tries to stop these thoughts from roaming into deeper territories but how could she not?

In her three years of experience, she has encountered dead magical users and ones that died after corruption but she never tried to pay attention to it. She refused to because that is what is sacrificed when you do these duties: your life.

She always wondered why mostly children are chosen to defeat these so-called enemies in secret and how messed up it sounds but it's just a thought. It's just a thought.

When Yuu encountered their first intense battle which was with a corrupted magical user, their whole perspective changed. After defeating the corrupted user, the corpse of a young magical girl was left behind and it scarred Yuu completely.

It felt like a joke. It felt disgusting.

It felt like a dumb joke because what are you saying these monsters are just kids with problems? Couldn't we have found another way? If they knew that this would happen, wouldn't they recruit different people for this job? And what about their family? What will their family think seeing their child dead because of "unknown" reasons?

Yuu has tried to continue on after that but no matter what, the memory of the cold, limp body of that magical girl from that day keeps eating them alive.

11. What is their favorite color?

Quartz has no favorite color

Yuu likes yellow

[darkeraurora]

Updated Masterlist

All my fics are NSFW. Please pay attention to the content warnings at the beginning of each chapter.

These are also on AO3 and Wattpad.

ADMISSIONS

Status: ONGOING

Ghost meets original FMC and has to deal with the F word (feelings). Lots of stuff in here: cutsey fluff, bits of domesticity, hurt/comfort, found family, to PTSD fallout, facing traumas, angst, loss of virginity, soft dom Simon, and some VERY delicious smut. Something for everyone. Check the trigger warnings ⚠️

Chapter 1 - Unexpected

Chapter 2 - Opening Up

Chapter 3 - Small Moments

Chapter 4 - Just Kiss Already

Chapter 5 - Left Unsaid

Author's Note: The time gap is currently between these chapters. Wherever this note appears is where I'm currently working.

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

ONESHOTS

Nice Manners Status: Complete. Word Count: 7192(ish).

Smut with no plot whatsoever. Hard dom Simon disciplining the team's sex toy. 25/10 spicy.

[ilkkawhat]

idk if it's just cause i am just like. scared about the idea of taking time off for my health and/or being sent to the hospital (for what, I don't know but i will say i've had a lot of heartburn lately and with my last blood being in the diabetic range who knows what's going to happen with this new one i just got taken), or if it's that i've been told twice now, but idk how i feel about this statement of "you're too young to feel this way" in regards to me just melting down every goddamn day. like does that mean if i was 50 years old it'd be acceptable and expected?

[bluewaterlily]

I feel so down that it’s February and I still haven’t started a book 😞

[that-dreaded-wolf]

.

[sparkbugs]

Very important!! Take care of yourself and do what’s best for you <3

taking medication for your mental health isn’t weak, if anything it’s strong that you’re making the leap to better yourself. remember that. you’re not struggling with your mental health, it’s struggling with you - you’ve got this gamers, always!

[amazinglyashy]

Too heavy for me? Never

LADS men reaction to you only somewhat joking about being too heavy for them

Sylus -

He'll raise an eyebrow at you, staring down at you as you realize the joke fell flat. You try to back peddle, not wanting to cause any confrontation that never helps you feel better about your body anyway, but he simply holds up a hand to stop you with a shake of his head.

"I don't want to hear it, sweetie. I already know the nonsense you're going to say. How about you just come with me right now to the gym instead?"

You don't know how to tell him that saying that truly shattered your heart into a million pieces, so you just follow him in silence instead. You didn't think he would insult you so casually, and you were now trying to brace yourself for the inadequate feelings and self-loathing you were about to experience by having to train at the gym with him.

But... he didn't ask you to do a workout. He didn't tell you to get on a piece of equipment or to lie down on a mat for a physical exercise.

He told you to sit on a small bench against the wall while he went to the free weights close by.

Wordlessly, he loads weights- two- no, three times your weight onto the bar, before moving to lift it. Once. Twice. Again, and again and again-

His eyes flicker over to you at some point, and instead of making any remark or reference to the emotions clear across your face, he flashes you a slight smirk, just like he always does.

"Have I made myself clear, sweetie?"

Zayne -

Zayne will definitely think you're just pretending to be stupid at first.

He will look down at you with his brows furrowed and a small smile creeping on his lips, thinking it's all a joke.

"I lift myself during my workouts fairly easily, and I am capable of lifting a lot more. Quite funny, though I wouldn't make this form of humor a habit. It isn't particularly good for your mental health."

Then he realizes you're actually being serious in what you're saying.

He's upset, to put it lightly, but hes trying not to let it show. Favoring a small frown across his usually firm expression as he studies your face. Your heart will jolt just a little bit when you process just how sad his eyes look though... obviously he's hurt that you would even think something like that about yourself, much less come to believe it as true.

"Allowing a part of your brain to lie to you is not healthy if you don't push back with the truth. And the truth here, is that you are nowhere near too heavy for me to lift or carrying, even for prolonged periods of time. To demonstrate-"

And like it's nothing, he's picking you up and carrying you. His destination is not important, and the protests spewing from your lips fall on deaf ears as you try to gentle squirm out of his grasp. He'll continue to explain why your viewpoint is flawed, methodically and with logic, and in a way that you find yourself unable to argue back.

He doesn't want you to.

He knows you're wrong, and he will stop at nothing to prove it.

Xavier -

He's more surprised at the statement than anything. At first, he thinks you're making a jab at his strength, and wonders if he slipped up in front of one too many Wanderers and now needs to prove himself just to get you to stop teasing him for being 'weak'.

Once he (quickly) realizes that you're talking about yourself, jabbing at your own body and state, rather than at him, it's like a spark igniting in him.

"What? What would ever make you think that? No- that's not right. That's not right at all."

He's immediately going to try and grab you to lift you up, he doesn't care where you both are or what you're doing. Even if you've just woken up in bed and are still relaxing, he's trying to pick you up right then and there.

He stumbles trying to lift you, falling backward onto the pile of blankets and plushies that has taken over his bed. He feels awful, worried that you'll take his misstep as him falling over from your weight, immediately apologizing and trying to sit up and pick you up again before falling forward from the plush surface he's trying to rise on giving out too much beneath him.

You're both a giggling mess by then, and it's obvious to you that he's going to keep trying to prove it to you, just... a bit clumsily so. Several more attempts will be made as the evening goes on, and pretty soon he's showing you just how easily it is for him to lift you up- especially if he keeps doing it over and over and over again.

And he will continue to do it over and over and over again, even after today. As many times as it takes.

Rafayel -

You definitely made a mistake saying anything self-depreciating around him. Especially with how much he likes to prove you wrong in playful situations, this is something similar, but a lot more serious to him.

He'll make fun of you for anything, as long as you know he's just being lighthearted even if he's grumpy or upset when he fires a quip off at you.

But the second you agree with him, or say something bad about yourself- whether jokingly or dead serious- the gloves are off. He won't accept that from you, and he's already on it to figure out how to turn the opinion you've formed of yourself on it's head and into a more positive outlook.

Lifts you up bridal carry while spinning- quite literally sweeping you off your feet while he whisks you away. You would think you were a princess with how he spins around his studio with you in his arms, with no regard to the paintings or projects around him as he dances with you in his arms. And no matter how hard you protest, he doesn't stop until he feels for himself that he's done enough, giggling the entire time.

"Are you really going to doubt a sea god's strength? Geez, I didn't realize you were such a rude human."

He'll hold you up enough to press his forehead against yours, nuzzling against you with a smile, the slightest sadness playing across his expression.

"Man, I must be pretty lousy that you would ever think something like that about yourself. That must mean I don't think to pick you up enough like you deserve. Don't worry, I'll make it up to you by whisking you away every chance I see you from now on."

[pinkmoonastro]

Pluto Aspects

Sun/Pluto: Dark sense of humor, attracts jealousy through the ability to learn quickly and be talented at many things, seductive, private life/double life, prefers to be in relationships, controlling, self critical, importance on achieving success and public recognition, denial about how social you actually are, obsessive, bouncing back from hardship unscathed, masking true feelings, lover of luxury, worrier, carrying the burdens of many, leaders, strategic, good at balancing multiple careers/streams of income, can work long hours, wiling to sacrifice for future gratification, beliefs being questioned/questionable, operating best with routine, helping the exiled, quiet power, domineering, leading others to the promise land, rags to riches, sharing nature, being taken advantage of, learning self worth, noticing the subtleties, standing in your power, alchemizing, appreciation of scents, restoring the balance and bringing justice, protecter, connection to night creatures, reverence.

Moon/Pluto: emotional rollercoasting, rough tides, tsunamis, delusions, misunderstood, living in the past, victim mentality, feeling intruded upon, enticing, protective, human lie detector, causing shock value with your thoughts, okay with not being everyone’s cup of tea, attracting stalkers/stalking others, a lot of haters and obsessive ppl, determined, my way or the highway, always on the go, quick witted, forgiving, misguided anger, easily triggered or triggering to others, a safe space for authenticity, youthful looking but quickly matured, problem solvers, appreciates luxury, high expectations, stressing yourself out, very strong ppl, the rock of their family, liking drama, needing to be more careful with the words spoken, lucky breaks, nurturing, creating a home that feels beautiful and comfortable, beautiful smile, soft spoken mesmerizing with your cadence, taking care of the things you own, making the old look new, hard choices, a few more restarts than most, word is bond, direct communication, seductive aura ✨

Venus/Pluto: Insecurities being obvious to others but hidden from yourself, ppl pleasing, nurturing vibe, great reader of social cues, bully/bullied, learning to understand and love your body, freedom through movement, talk of the town, being projected on a lot, resilience, cup half full mentality, big mama energy, ungratefulness, ppl trying to manipulate you through financial means, getting things taken away from you as punishment or literally being stolen from, independence, personality that grows on you, attracting jealously based on being the opposite sex’s ideal, player/overly devoted, values the connection to family, the type to plan the family get togethers, prefers to be coupled, generous and great at gift giving, hair that attracts idolization, fierce eye contact, ppl wanting to experience you without worthiness, personal space being important, careful with the people you shake hands with, being exactly what you want to be, near death experiences, night owl, protecter of children and the poor, solo traveler, taking no shit, knowing that it’s okay some bridges need to be burnt 🤷🏽‍♀️, child like innocence, friendships that stand the test of time, health conscious, healing others through food/herbs, high society, rockstar lifestyle might not make it.

Mars/Pluto: Okay with being cut throat, intimidating, power hungry, holier than thou, superiority complex, triggering insecurity in others while just existing, putting in work that will stand the test of time, legacy is of importance, it ain’t nothing to cut bitch off, knowing how to wow ppl, the defuser of situations, protecters of the weak, chameleon, popularity, rememberable first impressions, quick thinkers, great lovers, career focused, pressure to succeed, feeling you have to always be on your p’s & q’s, controlling lovers, the person others vent to, attracting ppl that feel entitled to your body/possessions, love/hate relationships, social butterfly, observant, bound by nothing, living in the moment, making the best with what you have, animal lover, would benefit from slower living, ingenuity, fashionable, hard headed, ppl trying to silence you, sprinkle sprinkle no bread crumbing is tolerated, lucky items/totem poles, optimistic, teaches lessons on how to be discerning, secret exposer, substance abuse, attempts to hold you back through evil eye, tunnel vision, seeing what needs to be said and saying it, willpower matched with child like vigor, friends and lovers that are protective over you, respected in your community/field, interested in the benefits of all, easily multiplying what you already have, water to wine type of vibe, relaxing when the work is done, knowing when to take breaks, shining bright in dark places.

Mercury/Pluto: realism view point, harsh truth, so relatable, knows better but learns the hard way, passionate speaker, musically inclined, before their time, emotional highs and lows, forgetful/selective memory, dark humor, appreciates the shock value, curse words are like icing, different just to be, thinking outside the box, creating lingo other ppl use, over explaining, paranoia, defending the vulnerable, saying what everyone is thinking, whistle blower, lovers of knowledge, constantly reinventing yourself, conspiracy theories, quick witted, solitude, dating outside of your race, cult leaders, judgmental, biting your tongue, pathological liars, self righteous, polarizing, sweet talkers, accent, making complex subjects sound easy, self critical, creating a lot of opportunity for yourself, taking journeys without a destination in mind, getting to the root of the matter, hard to reach, wise beyond your years, very knowledgeable about niche things, big dick energy, viewing something from multiple perspectives, feeling short on time/waisting time, organized, thoughtful, pouring into others, lending a helping hand/attracting those that want to help you, having to be extremely patient, smoking cigars for enlightenment, stuck on ppls mind, noticing the underlining factors, honesty off the charts, sending warning shots attacking, feelings of overwhelm by choices, defending your stance, being victorious against all odds, just so rememberable.

Jupiter/Pluto: importance on self image, Beyoncé- upgrade you, relating to others though music, greed, great investors, a need to be in first place, critical of themselves and others, perfectionism, requiring patience, materialistic, condescending, over indulgent, substance abuse, bad mouthing others, attracting leeching personality types, look but don’t touch, a lot of ppl have witnessed your transformations, co dependent, persistent, preferring not to be around the bush, learning when to walk away, big personality, topic of conversation, having to rebuild yourself repeatedly, opposites attract, quick manifestations, repeating yourself a lot, sustainable living, being able to balance many things at once, bringing offerings, community leaders, hard earned respect, learning discernment in friendships, solo travels, mentorship, feeling isolated, knowing how to use what you have, tongue like a sword, guiding the youth, transforming the mundane, unique style, taking the road least traveled, freeing yourself from sorrow, seeing the good in anyone, comforted by your bed, the same thoughts on repeat, warrior spirit, connection to horses.

Asc/Pluto: having your items end up in the lost and found, escapist tendencies, prioritizing relaxation, messy room, starting a new project before finishing the last, ppl misjudging your power, manners, sob stories/lack of accountability, fashionable, stand out in crowds, unique style, noticing the little details, valuing peace keeping, don’t mind switching things up and experimenting, self employed, viewed as lucky, ppl keeps tabs on you, being at the crossroads, rumors about your body/hygiene, protecters of their family, collecting antiques, building from scratch, learning to stay the course, loves celebrations.

Chiron/Pluto: learning only when the pain has gotten so bad, feeling like your always falling short even when you have what you perceived to want, intense feelings and relationships, what’s done in the dark coming to light, dismissive, ppl indulging in your hardships, helping others through your struggle, leading by example, survivors, learning boundaries, developing antonymy, life starting one way and ending up much differently.

[uraveragelonelysapphic]

Gentle Love

Pairing: Rio Vidal x Fem!Reader

Summary: She may be Lady Death, but to you, she is your sweet love.

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: mentions of depression, panic attacks, just a lot of hurt/comfort

a/n: surprise! another fic! i know a lot of people have been wanting just rio fics, so here you go! a little hurt/comfort! the goal was to make a mental health fic where it isn't romanticized, so here's hoping i did that! enjoy!!!

Your relationship with Lady Death wasn’t one that had a spontaneous start. She didn’t save you from a painful demise, or help you realize life was worth living.

She had met you on her day off. (Yes, Lady Death gets days off. She’s not the only one working the underworld, you know.) She was wandering through a wooded area when she came across you. You were sitting under a willow tree, humming to yourself as you wove a crown of daisies.

Her heart had practically melted at the sight of you, and she found herself gravitating towards you. Before she knew it, she was introducing herself to you and you were inviting her to join you beneath the willow.

The two of you were pretty much inseparable after that. You spent countless days getting to know every part of each other; mind, body, and soul. Soon enough, you were deeply in love with Rio Vidal: Lady Death. And she could say the same about you.

You both had grown exponentially by being in each other’s presence. But a romantic relationship doesn’t mean the absence of all problems.

Rio struggled deeply with guilt. She hated that she had been bound to this calling, that she had been chosen to wear a face she found hideous and escort living creatures to a world beyond life. It pained her to take children from their mothers, sisters from their brothers, soulmates from their lovers. 

But you were so soft with her. Soft as you kissed her in her Death form, soft as you held her while she shook with guilt and self-hatred, soft as you assured her that she was doing the right thing. That you loved her always.

As for you, mental illness was something you had dealt with from a young age. After all, being a witch who was chased from countless villages and hunted endlessly, all for possessing a magical ability she never asked for…well, it tends to have some lasting negative effects on one’s mental well being.

You were proud to say you knew how to handle it, but you had your weak moments. Moments like now. And you hated them.

As you woke up, you felt a familiar heaviness in your bones. Your heart felt heavy but was racing all the same, your head ached, and your stomach churned with dread and anxiety.

You turned to the other side of the bed, reaching for your comfort, your person, only to find it empty. Your eyes filled with tears as you took a deep breath. 

You wondered if you should call her. You hated that the thought even crossed your mind. You could handle this alone.

“But you don’t have to,” your lover’s words echoed through your mind as you pondered what to do.

You and Rio had created a system for times like this. If ever you were feeling like the walls were closing in, like you couldn’t breathe, like you could barely function. All you had to do was think of a color and a name. Her name.

Yellow meant you were struggling, but could handle it alone if need be. Red meant you needed her.

You rarely tended to use red. You loved Rio, and you knew full well that her presence helped to calm you in times of discomfort and anxiety, but you couldn’t pull yourself out of your need to be independent and not rely on anyone for help. You hated admitting the need for help.

Even now, as you laid in bed, tears streaming down your face as you struggled to breathe, you refused to admit defeat. But you knew you owed it to both her and yourself to say something.

Yellow. Rio. Yellow, you thought as you brought your hands to your face, willing your breathing to calm down.

It was no use. All you could think of was how useless you were, how helpless, worthless, weak.

You choked out a sob as the room seemed to get smaller and smaller.

Until you felt gentle hands on your wrists, tenderly pulling them from your face.

“Hey there, sweet girl. Let’s sit you up, yeah?” Rio said softly.

You followed her instructions, allowing the witch to help you to a sitting position.

You met her eyes, expecting to see disappointment and disgust, but instead being met with nothing but love pooling in her brown eyes. 

Her hands moved from your wrists, gently intertwining her hands with yours. 

“There’s my girl. Let’s try and get that breathing to slow down. Wanna get some more air in those beautiful lungs of yours, yeah?” She cooed, her eyes encouraging.

You nodded, and she took one of your hands, placing it on her stomach as she took exaggerated breaths as an example.

You began to copy her, your eyes not leaving hers, feeling safe as you lost yourself in her.

She squeezed your hands softly. “Look at you go. Breathing all by yourself. I’m so proud of you, mi vida,” she whispered as you found yourself finally able to breathe steadily.

You both sat there for a few more minutes, her allowing you the space to feel whatever you may be feeling as you came back to your senses.

You opened your mouth to speak, struggling to find words to express your needs. As if she had read your mind, Rio let go of your hands to reposition herself against the headboard of the bed and opened her arms to you.

You smiled at her in gratitude, moving to sit in between her legs, laying your back against her front as she held you.

You both sat in silence for a few moments, just soaking in each other’s presence; Rio running her fingers through your hair with one hand and softly caressing your leg with the other.

Eventually, she spoke.

“I’m so proud of you.”

You shrugged against her and she shook her head.

“I’m serious, my love. I’m proud of you for calling for me.”

“Feel weak,” you mumbled as you hung your head.

Rio furrowed her brows, turning you to face her. “Quite the contrary, love. You are the bravest person I know. You can handle these things on your own. I know you can. But you knew it wasn’t what was best for you, so you called for me. And I’m so grateful to be in love with such a strong, beautiful girl who knows how to help herself,” she said, her voice full of adoration that brought tears to your eyes.

“I love you, Rio,” you choked out, your hands finding her cheeks, thumbs brushing against the skin softly.

She placed her hands on your waist, allowing you to initiate the kiss.

You brought her face to yours, kissing her with all the love you had. She kissed you back, softly, always softly, pecking your lips softly as you pulled away.

“I love you most, my precious girl,” she said, laughing as you rolled your eyes at her need to turn everything into a competition.

She kissed the tip of your nose, relishing in the way you wrinkled it at the sensation.

“Alright, I prescribe you a glass of water, some chocolate chip pancakes, and cuddles with your hot girlfriend,” she said as she got up, smirking at you.

She beamed in triumph as you giggled. “Well if that’s what the doctor herself ordered, who am I to disagree?” you teased.

“My thoughts exactly. I’ll be right back, my brave girl. I love you,” she said, her eyes softening again.

“I love you, Rio Vidal,” you said with a smile, and she blew you a kiss before exiting your bedroom.

Yes, she was Lady Death, but to you, Rio Vidal would always be your gentle love.

[cherie-doll]

Can I request COD Men dating a medic reader,??

I love your writing sm ^-^

Ofc!

౨ৎ Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Roach, Alejandro, Rudy, Phillip Graves, Makarov, Keegan, König, Horangi, Nikto

COD Men x Medic!Reader

Price

Imagine being the new medic and you're nervous because it's your first time working there so you have to try your best to hold it together while patching people up

But one day Price comes in injured and you have to control your nerves as you clean his wound up, he's surprisingly nice and even makes small talk with you, it calms you down

After, you manage to keep thinking about that interaction, just how nice it felt to have a normal conversation, it took your mind off of things and honestly it kept you from a mini panic attack from happening

He wishes he could come see you more often, he liked how refreshing it felt to meet someone who seemed a little hesitant, too afraid to mess up, he likes how you smiled after speaking with him

Since he's busy most of the time he can't come to you as often, but I imagine he likes to invite you to just come and talk to him as you drink with him, it's comforting knowing you can bask in his company and he provides you a shoulder to rest on

Ghost

Believe it or not he trusts you a lot, he shows up to your office in his most vulnerable moments, when he's hurt you treat him and never mention anything of it, he knows it's just you doing your job but he can't help but feel like there is an underlying tone to it

He likes resting in your office or recovery room when he wants to get away from everyone else but can't find a quiet place to do so, he likes his alone time and if being in the medic's room where no one is to come in looking for him then he'll stay there during his free time

He secretly started growing a stronger liking to you when you covered for him and told his buddies they couldn't visit because he "needed to rest", not that he hates his friends he just likes his alone time

He often struggles to sleep so to get away from the other soldiers who snore loudly he'll come to you knowing you're almost always up late and drinking tea, like a cat who is content sitting without talking or doing anything next to you and eventually falls asleep

You tend to admire him silently, the features that you can see through his balaclava when he's not aware of it

Soap

Every time he comes to get checked up he likes making you laugh and telling you the worst jokes, but it makes you laugh lightly and honestly keeps you awake and sane from working overtime since you treat a lot of emergencies

He will be laughing as if he doesn't feel the alcohol you're using to disinfect his wound, he likes pretending like he doesn't feel pain when you push the needle in because he doesn't want to be weak in front of you, it's sort of turned into you trying to make him wince or show that it hurts but he tries grits his teeth and holds it in

Doesn't even know he likes you like that until others are teasing him about how often he talks about you and how he'll try to impress you, in his mind he hasn't come to that realization yet, not that he's denying it because he really enjoys your company

You probably get very nervous checking his eyes when you shine the flashlight on them because you notice the way his eyes crinkle, indicating he's smiling and you have to hold the grin before it shows on your face

As a boyfriend he'd be coming by every moment he can to just cling to you when you're on your breaks and you'll have a hard time getting him to leave you alone or give you some space

Gaz

I can imagine him already having a liking to you, he likes coming by every morning that he can to visit you before anyone else can bother you and just hanging around your office when he's in need of good company

You enjoy his company because he's not unnecessarily flirty like other the others are, he's respectful, caring about your mental health because you deal with so many people on the daily but with him it's different, you don't feel that obligation to smile or put on a fake act around him

Your tired eyes light up seeing him knowing you're going to be recharged emotionally and mentally, it's come to the point where you even seek him after your work is done hoping to spend more time with him

It's sort of hard finding time alone together when so many other people are friends with him yet the moment he sees you he'll pull away from everyone else to go to you

Roach

I have a hc that even if he survives the absolute worst situations no one else has he still deals with the aftermath of it and it's many complications and frequently getting checkups from you just to assure his health is good enough to keep getting sent out to missions

He ends up spending more time with you than he does with most of the other soldiers or members of the task force

He confides so much in you, things he'd never share with anyone else and yet you listen to him so attentively it honestly makes him develop an attachment to you and he'd look for any opportunity to reciprocate the attention you give him

You sometimes hate the way others treat him, despite being a chill guy to be around he's often a little out of orbit when it comes to socializing with the others, you'd think going through shit together would unite them but strangely enough he doesn't get enough dopamine from them like he does with you

It might be wrong to feel this way but you care more about him than all the others, you'll rush to attend his needs before the others

Alejandro

He is actually a very lousy patient, it takes you ages to try to get him to take medication or inject the needle into him despite him always teasing the other soldiers who have had medical procedures done to them

You have to be ready with a cloth and ice pack to instantly place on him or else he'll be wanting to bang his head against the wall for the dramatics, you let him hold your hand, anything to bring him comfort or some sort of relief at that point

To avoid getting to that level of pain he'll often drink before coming to you so he's not fully in his senses to actually feel or register anything you may be doing that would usually cause him to panic, you hate when he does this because you prefer him to be fully aware

Other than that he'll always try flirting with you or calling you something like "chula" in Spanish when passing by you and you simply roll your eyes and hide a smirk knowing he's nothing like that when you approach with a needle

Rudy

He's probably known you since before you were a medic, he's seen how much effort you've put into your training to be where you are today he respects you so much for it

He worries so much for you, probably more than you do for him which is funny because he has the "riskier" job, but he often worries about how you are being treated knowing some of the soldiers you treat have trauma and it can make you very stressed with them

He makes sure you get your much needed rest, especially during the breaks everyone else is gone and you still have to stay around "just in case"

There was this one time he was injured pretty badly and he had to be laid down as someone called the medic, he didn't know who would come but he felt his heart skip a beat seeing it was you running towards him, you knelt by his side and with a warm smile reassured him you wouldn't let him slip away from your grasp just yet

He didn't even need a painkiller when he held your hand to his chest so you could feel how much his heart beat showing you he was still alive and well

Phillip Graves

He could be dying on the bed, clutching a wound with blood gushing out and he'll still manage to give a smug smile and ask for your number, you want to suffocate him with a pillow sometimes but you'll most likely be blamed for medical malpractice, instead you just say "HIPPA" and that shuts him up for now

I like to think he brings his Shadows for checkups like a father bringing his children to the pediatrician, some of them aren't fond of it but he makes them go through it to ensure they are healthy and fit for their next mission or training

If one of his Shadows get severely injured he's rushing to see you with them in his arms (he can't actually carry them have you seen how big his Shadows are??) and begging you to help them, will literally be in tears hoping they heal up just fine and that nothing bad ends up happening

Afterwards, you just kinda have to give him that reassurance and he'll be eternally grateful to you for what you do for him and his team, and don't think that just because you aren't "that important" to his company because he makes sure you feel like a vital member of the family

Him and the Shadows will enjoy spending time with you outside of your work area just to show their appreciation

Makarov

You often worry about him, more than you should, he's always taking risks and needed to end up being brought into your office to have something done to him, you can only sigh and lecture him but he's never the type to take his injuries seriously, most of the time he takes bold decisions and that impacts his health

Most of the time he prefers having you go to him, so you have to pack your stuff up and go treat whatever he's dealing with, he often uses these opportunities as excuses to get to know you better and just overall toy with you

You hate when he does this as it wastes time and he's keeping you away from patients who could be needing treatment, whenever you hint at this he simply shrugs it off, clearly not caring about others

You carry so much responsibility on your shoulders to be carelessly leaving where you're stationed to treat a paper cut, but after all he always slips in something extra to keep you coming

Keegan

Loves to initiate arguments with you for the fun of it, you two will be bickering over him not wanting to take a prescription you've given him

You could be stressing over an infected cut and he's trying to act as if it were nothing, that being said the sounds he makes when he's injured and grunting and clutching his arm or side in pain and trying to control his breathing have me AKJERUJS-

He doesn't actually get to see you all that often as he wishes but you know he'll be coming to get "treated" when he comes back from a mission, he always thinks to come see you before anyone else can

And he knows you're often at risk too when you have to go along to treat sick and injured soldiers, he doesn't like to dwell too much on how you could be in danger so he just chooses to focus on his task knowing if he's not careful he won't be able to make it back to tease you again

König

He's the type to rarely go to the medic just because wounds on his body heal insanely fast but also because you will have to FORCE this man to enter your office

He was used to his the previous medic, an older man who took his time with each patient, could barely see which is why he often told the soldiers who came to him to read the medicine labels for him and such

But imagine his surprise when he walks into your office and sees a younger medic there instead of the old medic, he's completely silent as he sits in the chair waiting for you to clean a wound he only came because the pain got so bad he couldn't suppress it

Now he's considering saying he's fine and walking out, but you're already washing your hands and putting gloves on, going over to him and asking for him to show you the injury

He has to look away and his eyes roam the room, looking for something to focus on other than your focused stare, and gentle fingertips that hover over his skin as you inspect the wound that he could have ignored for a little longer

Horangi

He is a headache to deal with, comes in after every mission to get his injuries treated but will talk A LOT, mostly boasting and smug explaining how he got this bruise and those cuts

You're tired of hearing him but honestly you'll take whatever as a distraction, and you know he's BUILT like that man will be flexing his biceps and you can't help but stare at them, also his waist?!?

Before leaving he always jokes for you not to miss him incase he doesn't come back from the next mission, you just roll your eyes because you don't want to admit that he's grown on you and his absence is something you don't even want to think about

He likes sending you notes with flirty messages on them to show his growing interest in wanting to pursue a relationship with you because you never give in to letting him have your number, he always wants to take you out to some fancy restaurant or cook for you himself, anything to get you out of your office for a day and spend it with him alone

Nikto

You're often doing a million things at once, quickly treating a patient and ushering them out so you can see the next one who's grunting as they wait in line, that day Nikto has to get something treated and he just so happens to go on a busy day

You're in a rush to treat your patients in pain but he notices some of them aren't even in pain, they seem to have relaxed looks on their faces and they don't have any wounds that he can see, they even joke and laugh with one another

Turns out some of them are only there to chat with you, as happens most of the time with soldiers who are stationed in one place too long with little to no freedom to roam anywhere else, Nikto doesn't understand why they would waste your time when it's finally his turn to see you and you tenderly yet efficiently treat him

He likes the way you touched him, even if it was only you doing your job, he likes your pretty eyes, even if you barely looked at him, he thinks your voice is precious to hear, even if you only used it to direct a single question to him, now he understands those soldiers in line who don't mind waiting an hour just to be with you for a moment

[oneofreid]

Close for Comfort

Summary: A new hot tub is installed at your apartment complex. You find yourself sneaking a dip at the same time as a particular BAU agent. But how much room can steaming water truly hold for two?

Pairing: Spencer Reid x F!Reader

Warnings: (18+ Content) Typical smut except heavier? and Spencer being a perv/slightly unhinged while being horny lol. Slight degrading. Descriptions of fingering, handjob, and unprotected p in v sex (wrap it before ya tap it). Public sex like damn get a room.

A/N: lord…….first ever fic. i think i might’ve blacked out with this. read my other fics here

Glistening sweat formed a thin line above your hairline, a few drops slowly running down the nape of your neck.

The heaving of your chest as you wiped the remaining sweat off your face. Still in need of a dip in the newly installed hot tub that was just emplaced at your apartment complex. Your body bruised and aching from how intense the workout you had just finished was.

A shade of purple and blue spots aligned various spots on your body. Some held a greener tint due to the start of healing. You hated the look, but nonetheless, you were one of the strongest agents on the team. Therefore, you got beat up pretty badly trying to take down different unsubs at times.

Slipping on a your favorite bikini, the fabric was snug accentuating your curves. A towel in one hand while another held a water. Closing the door to your room, making way towards the other side of the apartments. It was late at night, nearly one o’clock. You knew everyone else was bound to be asleep or at the very most, doing their own thing.

At least that’s what you hoped.

Sliding the back gate shut before passing the in-ground pool that had also been splurged on by your landlord. The cool marble of the backyard patio on your feet with every step. Only to halt at the sight of someone else in the hudson bay spa.

His chocolate brown eyes turning at the sound of your footsteps, his attention now all on you. Arms rested on the tub’s edge like an eagle spreading its wings to fly. The muscles in his biceps visible, a few veins poking out as well. Your eyes dropped down to his chest, strong pecks on full display. The dips in his broad shoulders giving away the idea that although he was lean, he was fit and worked out quite frequently.

“I thought I was the only one awake during this hour,” The sound of his velvety-voice snapped you from drinking him in. His eyes still completely on you.

Your cheeks heated up, a faint blush painting them red with embarrassment. Mentally kicking yourself for gawking at the man in front of you, not only was he your undeniably hot next-door neighbor, but your nerdy and charming co-worker at the BAU as well.

Spencer continued, “you can join me, if you want. Hot tubs like this one are made for two people. And they actually have a lot of health benefits like reducing stress, improving quality of sleep, and relieving pain….which can help with healing your bruises quickly.” The water lightly splashing around him as he talked with his hands, again over sharing.

You nodded, smiling lightly at him. Placing your towel and water bottle down before nearing towards the tub. Carefully sinking down into the water, the heat instantly burning your skin. Sighing in content. You leaned against the back wall. The scorching temperature numbing the ache in your exhausted limbs.

Opening your eyes to make instant eye contact with the man in front of you. A smirk pulled his lip, relaxing further back into the tub with a puff in the chest. Pushing his pecks further out, the defined lines of his abs peaking beneath the water.

“You still haven’t spoke a word to me. Are you enjoying yourself honey?,” He spoke after a moment of silence between you two. Nearly choking at the weak use of a pet name he used for you.

Eyes slowly dropping to admire your chest, the cups of your top pushing them slightly hire. A sight that secretly always drove Spencer nearly to the edge.

Clearing your throat at the sight of his chest slowly rising up and down with a trickle of sweat running down, “Yes, the water actually feels very nice.”

“It feels very nice,” his voice slightly mocking yours, “I like the heat…against my thighs,” His voice suggestive, dripping in lust.

Your breathe hitched at his flirty remark. Clenching your thighs together in need, forcing yourself not to drop your eyes any further. Noticing his damp curls sticking to his forehead with droplets of sweat forming. Every bone in your body fighting to run your fingers through his dark colored hair.

You guys were always close, dare to be nothing more than best friends at and outside of work — and unfortunately in this case, neighbors at the same apartment complex. Yet, the sexual tension that had been building between you two these past few weeks was inevitable. It started with lingering glances during briefings, he would look at you like he wanted to devour every inch of you. You thought you were overreacting at first until Penelope…and Derek had pointed it out. Noting that the chemistry the two of you had shared was gradually getting deeper. Spencer always yearning to be close to you, sneaking touches here and there. Whether it be a light hand on your thigh as you glanced over crime scene photos, or the way his hand would sometimes slowly travel down the curve of your back. You knew there was something there, you just weren’t sure….who would make a move first.

A deep cough snapped you out of your filthy thoughts, his thick brow quirking at you. Posing a question of ‘what are you thinking?’ yet he remained silent.

Both of you scrutinizing each other, drinking in each other’s appearance. Atmosphere around you growing thick and heavy, yet all you could do was blame it on the heat. His eyes never leaving yours as you sunk further into the water. The temperature engulfing you like a warm blanket on a cold winters night.

Shutting your eyes closed, in hopes that you’d brush away the burning heat that traveled its way to your core. Along with the dirty images that flooded your mind.

The slosh of water snapping them open, Spencer’s body now right next to yours. Stiffening at his sudden move, you turned to look at him. A smirk still plastered on his face.

“Can I help you?” You asked, a bit more blunt than you intended to.

“There’s too much clothing on,” Spencer drawled.

“Excuse me?” Your eyes widened at his reply, caught off guard by the sudden surge of confidence from the one-and-only, Spencer Reid. The man who was known

“You have too much clothing on.” His eyes slipping from your face to stare at your breasts, covered in thin fabric.

“I don’t understand how exactly that’s a problem here.”

“Oh, honey…” he breathed, twirling a piece of your hair with his finger, “I see the way that you look at me. You crave intimacy but most of all, to be touched by me.”

The air knocked from your lungs at his bold statement, your chest tightened as he exposed you. Confused on how he of all people would know about your deepest desire. To be completely and utterly fucked at the hands of Spencer Reid.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you choked.

His intense gaze burning into your side, mentally forcing yourself to look anywhere but him. You needed to get out. Yet, your legs stayed mounted to the charcoal tub.

Intoxicated by his smell, a hint of cologne and cypress with every inhale you took. A staggering breathe from how close you were to the inviting man beside you.

Lips lowered to the shell of your ear. “Oh. I think you do, my love, you know exactly what I’m talking about.” The little pet name he picked out for you easily rolling off his tongue.

Closing your thighs shut, you attempted to scoot away from him. Desperate to get out before he could tantalize you any further. Hearing the snap of his finger before the material of your top disappeared along with the bottoms.

Yelping in shock, you quickly turned around. The devious look of him amused at your embarrassment.

“Relax, my sweet girl, I prefer you this way. Naked and on display, for my pure enjoyment,” he teased. Eyeing your bare breasts, nipples hardening as a slight breeze blew by.

Bubbles arose blasting at the quick speed that projected into the water. Just your luck, the jets had turned on.

Giving you slight coverage in attempt to cover your bottom half. The fast pressure massaging your muscles as you still remained in shock over what had just occurred.

You felt completely exposed to the man in front of you who held no shame.

A few bubbles had splashed up, dripping down his chin while he waited for your next move. His eyes hunting his prey like a meal in need of devouring.

The look he sent you sending electric waves to your core. A burning sensation stirred inside of you, a temperature that even the water inside of the tub could not satisfy you. The familiar ache of yearning to be touched and pleasured by a man growing by the second.

Your next words even surprising you, a surge of confidence leaving as you spoke. “Well, come fuck me then.”

Closing the distance between you two, moving each leg to straddle his lap. His fingers sliding down to grasp the side of your hips. Grinding your cunt to ease any friction against his swim trunks. A moan leaving your lips at the rough material and growth of his erection from underneath you.

Palming his clothes length, a strangled moan could be heard against your ear. Earning a smirk from you, satisfied with the reaction he gave you. He was withering under you and you both knew it.

Slowly lifting yourself up off of him, “I’m afraid that you have too much clothing on,” you whispered. Reversing the tables and mocking him this time.

Moving a hand down to tug the waistband of his swim trunks down, setting his aching cock completely free. Taking it in your hand before slowly working in a pumping motion, up and down, gripping slightly harder every time you made it to the top. Repeating the movement hastily. Gliding a thumb over his tip, beads of his pre-cum mixed with the body of water that held you two.

The water becoming a lubricant of its own, slipping through your nimble fingers with ease. Taking note of how easily your soft touch affected him. His breathe staggering with every jerk of your hand.

Spencer’s hand tugged your own. Releasing the hold you had on his cock, it was his turn. He needed to touch you.

“Allow me,” he murmured.

His lips attaching themselves to the side of your neck, hungrily sucking the sweet spot below your ear. A mixture of sweat and salt water. Moaning in approval at the magic of his tongue.

Grazing your folds, he delicately ran his fingers through them. Even with the water that submerged you two, he could feel how slick and wet you were for him. Just from his presence alone. Teasing you with one last draw of his finger before slowly dipping one inside of you, your walls welcomed his touch. Adding another digit, pumping it and out, a moan leaving you every time in a serene of pleasure.

Digit after digit. He pumped four fingers inside of you.

Moaning with every pump of his delicate fingers, getting lost in not only his touch but the feel of his lips on your skin. The slick of his fingers sliding in and out of you. Sucking the flesh of your neck to mark up your breasts with delicate kisses.

Pulling his fingers out swiftly, you whined at the absence. Suddenly feeling empty. Chuckling at your reaction, he knew how downright bad you were for him in that moment.

He had you right where he wanted you.

“Such a needy little one, you are,” Spencer crooned at you.

The bubbles stilled around your naked bodies. Your bikini and his swim trunks long forgotten, completely chucked to the side. Both of you drenched in a mix of salt water and sweat.

“Spencer….,” you cried. Your arousal still building up inside of you, the tip of the iceberg. Yet, that wasn’t the tip that you needed.

“I need you….I need you, Spencer,” you began to beg.

Feeling utterly humiliated as you pleaded for out of all people, your fucking co-worker to fuck you. Your body craved to be full of him. To feel his cock fill you up till he fully stretched you to your limit.

Reid snickered, a sense of dominance that he never knew he had coming over him, “Look at you. Begging for my cock. Is that what you want?,” his hand grazing your jaw before gripping it slightly so you could look at him, “For me to fuck you? Fill you with every inch of me until I have you screaming, pleading so that everyone knows who you belong to.”

His mocking words fired something inside of you, arousal practically dripping as it soaked your folds. Nodding eagerly, you began to grind your hips ferociously against him. A spill of ‘yes’s’ and ‘fuck me please’ coming from you.

Pulling you up from the hips, Spencer practically drooled at the sight of the water that dripped from your breasts. His mind spiraling, completely filled with the ideas and images of him fucking you until you couldn’t walk, or even better speak.

Your focus shifted from leaving kisses on the trail of his neck to centering his cock at your entrance. Gently running his shaft along your soaked folds, earning a moan from the both of you, before slowly sinking down. His girth stretching your walls leaving you to fully adjust, taking every inch of him.

A shaky breathe left your lips, never feeling this full before. “Are you okay?,” Spencer asked sincerely. Grabbing your chin, searching for any doubt in your eyes.

He knew he was above average so he gave you a moment to take him all in. You bit your lip, nodding at him.

“I’ll be fine,” you whispered. Slipping a hand behind the nape of his neck, you steadied yourself for support. Running your fingers to through the soft, damp texture of his curls.

Beginning to bounce up and down, the water sloshed around you. Your eyes never leaving his in what is now the most intimate moment you have ever had with Spencer Reid.

“Fuuuuckk…Spence, you’re so big,” you panted.

Your praises fueling his ego, boosting him with pride.

Spencer thrusted beneath you aiding you both to reach your climax. The tip of his cock piercing your cervix with every bounce from you and thrust the he made.

His grunts and moans filling your ears, a mix of your own joining with him. If nobody could hear you before, they definitely could now. Both of you too lost in the pleasure of ravishing each other to care about all your neighbors and people down the street who could hear.

Up and down, you continued to bounce on top of him. You were never a huge fan of riding but suddenly with him, it was the best thing in the world. Your breasts at his eye level while he looked up at you like you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and you are.

His hand fell down to circle your clit. Adding another source of stimulation to your nearing climax.

“Come on, sweet girl….don’t be shy. Let me hear how good I’m making you feel, let’s put on a whole show,” he coaxed in your ear.

Quickly pulling out his dick before turning you to face the wall. You clamped a hand over your mouth, muffling the scream that had just erupted from you. The sudden change in position hitting a different angle, a different spot than before. Your chest was flushed up against the wall of the hot tub as Spencer pounded into you from behind. His attempts at getting you to be more vocal succeeding as your pleasure was heard for the whole world to witness.

Moan after moan, shout after shout, the spews of you telling him to go harder and how big his dick was, you cried after each thrust. Each one hitting harder than the last. Tears spilled out of your eyes at the brutal force that Spencer used to help you reach your climax.

Fuck, he heard you tell the girls how you liked it rough.

“You feel so good, taking all of me like this. The good girl that you are,” Spencer praised. Wrapping a fist full of your hair around his wrist. Tugging it ever so slightly which earned another moan from you in return.

Water splashed with every hurried rock of his hips against the flesh of your skin. His heavy balls slamming against your ass, destined to create even more bruising from the grip he had on you.

The sound of waves crashing around you drowned out by the heavy pants and whimpering moans that left both of you.

“My pretty girl,” you felt yourself tighten around him, “Is that right? You’re my pretty girl, you look so beautiful filled with my cock.” He moaned.

Thrust after thrust, his dick disappeared inside of you. Pulling out just before the tip only to slam right back in. It was rough and you knew tomorrow you’d wake up bed bound but damn, it was worth it. Your body jerking every time he forced himself back in while you gripped onto the ledge for dear life. His sweet praises, compliments, and slight taunts tipping you over the edge.

“F..fuck..Spence, I’m gonna…I need to cum,” you panted.

Your stomach tightened, knowing you were almost close and he was nowhere near from slowing down.

“I know, sweet girl, I can feel you,” he rasped. His own stomach coiling from the rapidity of his movements.

He placed a kiss on top of your shoulder blade. “Where…where do you want me to cum?” He panted.

Turning your head to look back at him, his dark curls framed his face. His face contorted in sweet pleasure, heavenly moans leaving his lips at the same time. Your walls clenching even harder around him at the scene of him pussy drunk over you.

“Inside. Cum…I want you to cum inside of me,” you managed to get out. Feeling drunk over his cock as well.

Spencer deeply inhaled, feeling his cock twitch aggressively as he coursed you with every thrust to cum. Screams and moans could be heard from the both of you, as his head fell onto your shoulder. Both of you chasing out a high that you had never felt before.

After performing a couple more lousy thrusts, Spencer rested his head on you. His chocolate curls laying to fall on your shoulder, feeling his chest fall up and down behind you. Your own vision falling blurry at what you could now say was the best sex of your life.

A mixture of both of your cum slowly slid down your leg, his length still buried deep inside of you.

“That was….,” he breathed.

“Amazing,” you finished the sentence for him.

Earning a laugh from the both of you. Spencer slowly pulled out of you causing you to wince, “I’m sorry,” he kissed your forehead.

You turned around placing yourself back on his lap, moving to snake your hands around his neck. “It’s okay, I like this side of you,” you smiled at him.

Both of you exhausted yet still relishing in the presence of each other. His hands rubbing in a circular motion on your hips.

“You know I’ve thought about this for so long,” Reid admitted.

“What? Fucking me in a hot tub outside of our apartment complex,” you teased. Splashing him lightly with the water, watching it glisten and hit his chest.

“No,” he laughed, shaking his head as he continued to stare at you. A look that he had never given you before.

“Turning our friendship into something more than just being friends. You know since we first joined the BAU, I always had this thing for you. Everything about you was just so…so magnetic and captivating. There was just somethin-“

You cut him off, babbling and over explaining being a bad yet adorable habit of his. Closing the small gap that was between you, connecting your lips with his as you finally gave him a true and passionate kiss.

Leaning back you took him all in, “It’s a date. Tomorrow, we can head to the coffee shop that you love down the street before work.” This would be the start of something new.

[kirammanswifey]

arcane characters x fem reader! in couples therapy

characters: viktor, jinx, vi, caitlyn, jayce, ekko, silco and sevika.

warnings: emotional abuse, manipulation, codependency, addiction, toxic relationships, unresolved grief, trauma, jealousy, trust issues, aggression.

writer's note: this was a whole emotional journey. relationships can be a whirlwind, but they teach us things about ourselves that we didn’t expect to find. the most important thing i want to remind you all is that you are never alone in your struggles. taking care of your mental health isn’t a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of. please don’t underestimate the power of an honest conversation with someone who can help you understand yourself better. therapy is a necessity for everyone. and remember, healing is a process, and it always starts with taking care of yourself. sending you all lots of love and hugs. as you already know request are open ;)

viktor

You were sitting at the edge of the couch, your legs crossed and your fingers intertwined in your lap. Your nails were marked with small crescent shapes you had made by gripping your fingers too tightly. You had been like this all the way here, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible was about to happen.

Viktor, for his part, was sitting next to you but seemed distant, almost absent. His eyes were fixed on a spot on the carpet, as if he wanted to be anywhere but in this room. His body leaned slightly away from you on the couch, as if instinctively trying to put some distance between you two. It wasn’t the first time he’d done this.

The therapist observed both of you before breaking the silence.

“Viktor told me it was his idea for you to come,” she said softly. “Would you like to tell me why?”

“Because I have a problem, right?” you blurted out, your voice cracking a bit, though you tried to sound firm.

Viktor lifted his head and looked at you, his lips pressed together. “That’s not it…”

“Yes, it is,” you insisted. “I’m here because he thinks I’m an emotional wreck.”

“That’s not fair,” Viktor replied, his tone serious but still controlled. “You know that’s not true.”

“Then why are we here?”

“Because I can’t keep going like this.”

The silence dropped like a hammer. You felt your heart stop for a second, then beat so fast it hurt.

“I can’t keep feeling guilty every time I’m not with you,” Viktor continued, and now his voice had a hint of exhaustion that broke your heart. “I can’t keep worrying about you not eating, not sleeping, locking yourself in when I have to travel or work late.”

“And what do you want me to do?” you retorted, a mix of rage and fear rising in your chest. “Sit back and relax while you go, while you're with who knows who, doing who knows what?”

“I’m working,” Viktor emphasized, his tone now tighter. “What do you want me to do? Not have a life outside of our relationship?”

“I want you to act like you care,” you blurted, unable to contain the flood of emotions choking you. “Because sometimes it doesn’t seem like you do. You leave without saying anything, barely text me when you’re gone, and when you come back… it’s like you’re in another world. Like I don’t even exist.”

Viktor let out a long sigh, running a hand through his hair.

“It’s not that I don’t care,” he murmured. “It’s just… I need space.”

“Space?” you repeated, feeling desperation consume you. “Space for what? To get away from me?”

“To breathe,” Viktor answered, and this time his words stabbed you in the chest like a knife.

The therapist intervened at that moment, her voice calm, as if she wanted to stop the fire before it got out of hand.

“Let’s pause for a moment,” she said. “There’s something very important you both are expressing here: attachment styles. From what you’re describing, it seems Viktor has an avoidant attachment style, and you have an anxious one.”

“What does that mean?” you asked, your voice still trembling.

“It means Viktor tends to manage his emotions by distancing himself, because he feels safer when he can control his feelings without depending too much on others,” the therapist explained. “On the other hand, your way of bonding is the opposite: you seek constant closeness because distance makes you insecure. And when Viktor pulls away, you feel like something bad is about to happen. This is very common in people who have experienced painful relationships in the past.”

You lowered your gaze. You knew she was right. You remembered the times your ex-partners had left you without a word, the times they had betrayed you when you let your guard down. All of that had left scars that now bled every time Viktor walked out the door.

“So, what am I supposed to do?” you asked softly.

The therapist looked at you with empathy. “You need to learn to calm your anxiety without relying solely on Viktor to feel okay. Because if you base all your emotional stability on him, every time he distances himself, it will feel like the world is falling apart.”

“And what about him?” you pressed, feeling the lump in your throat tighten again. “Why do I have to change?”

“It’s not about you changing alone,” Viktor intervened. His voice was softer this time, but his eyes were fixed on yours, serious and sincere. “I also need to learn to be more… present. I don’t always realize that my way of loving isn’t enough for you. And I don’t want you to think I don’t love you just because I don’t know how to say it with words.”

Tears welled up in your eyes.

“Why can’t you do it?” you asked, your voice barely audible.

“Because that’s who I am,” he whispered. “Because I’m not used to depending on anyone. Because I grew up learning that I had to solve things on my own. But… I want to try. Because I don’t want this to end.”

The therapist nodded, pleased with this small breakthrough.

“The first step is for both of you to recognize that you express love differently,” she said. “You, with words and constant affection. Viktor, with more subtle actions, but just as meaningful. If you can recognize those gestures in each other, you can start to find a balance.”

You nodded slowly, wiping the tears from your face with the back of your hand.

“And you,” the therapist said, addressing Viktor, “you need to find a way to give her security without feeling like it’s invading your space.”

Viktor fell silent for a few seconds, then nodded. “I’ll try.”

When the session ended, both of you left the office without saying anything. The cold air outside made you shiver, but you weren’t sure if it was just the weather or the feeling of uncertainty that still weighed on your chest.

Just as you were about to separate from him, you felt Viktor’s hand take yours.

“Do you want to grab something to eat before we head home?” he asked quietly, his gaze searching yours. “I know you haven’t eaten well these days.”

It wasn’t a “I love you,” nor a long speech full of promises. But it was his way of showing you that he cared.

You squeezed his hand tightly.

“Yes,” you whispered. “I’d love to.”

jinx

The office felt smaller than it actually was. The air seemed heavy, as if every unspoken word was accumulating in the room, threatening to explode at any moment.

Jinx sat on the edge of the couch, her legs restless, moving non-stop as if anxiety was boiling under her skin. Her fingers drummed on her knee, and every few seconds she clicked her tongue in impatience.

You, on the other hand, were rigid, arms crossed, and your gaze fixed on the carpet. You didn’t want to look at her… because if you did, you feared the tears you’d been holding back would escape before you could say what you came here to say.

“Well,” the therapist began, her voice calm but firm. “It seems there’s a lot of tension between you two. Would you like to tell me what’s going on?”

The silence stretched for a few seconds before you spoke.

“Jinx has a problem with drugs,” you said bluntly.

Jinx scoffed, a bitter smile on her face.

“Are you seriously going to start with that?”

“Yes,” you replied firmly, finally looking in her direction. “Because I’m tired of it.”

Jinx let out a sarcastic laugh.

“Of course, you’re tired,” she repeated, emphasizing the word as if it were absurd. “You know what? I’m tired of you always doing this… treating me like I’m some damn crazy person.”

“Because you are when you’re on drugs!” you exploded, your broken voice betraying all the anger you had been holding in.

The therapist raised a hand.

“Girls, let’s try to calm down,” she intervened gently.

But you couldn’t stop. Not this time.

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve seen you completely out of it, unable to even hold a coherent conversation?” Anger consumed you, and every word came out in a rush. “Do you know how much it hurts to see you like that? Watching you lose yourself in that shit and not even seem like yourself anymore?”

“I’m always me!” Jinx screamed, her eyes wide. “Why can’t you understand that? Why do you treat me differently when I’m like this?”

“Because you’re not the same!”

Jinx looked at you as though you had just committed the greatest betrayal.

“When you’re high, you say horrible things, things you wouldn’t say if you were sober,” you continued. “You look at me like you don’t care about anything I say. It’s like I don’t even exist to you in those moments.”

“Do I treat you badly?” Jinx let out a bitter laugh. “And what about you? Every time we fight, you always bring up everything you’ve done for me, like that gives you the right to control me.”

“Do you want me to remind you why I do that?” you yelled, unable to hold back.

Jinx glared at you defiantly.

“I left my friends because you didn’t trust them. I distanced myself from my family because you got paranoid, thinking they were judging you. Everything I do revolves around you… Everything! And you, instead of valuing that, just keep sinking deeper and deeper!”

Jinx gritted her teeth, furious.

“And who asked you to do that?” she spat angrily. “I never asked you to give up everything for me!”

“How can you say that!?” you screamed, and now the tears you had tried so hard to keep in began to spill. “I’ve done so much for you… and all I’ve gotten in return is disappointment after disappointment.”

The silence that followed was devastating.

“Do you want me to tell you when the worst moment was?” you whispered, your voice trembling. “It was when I took you to meet my parents, and you showed up completely high.”

Jinx lowered her head, her expression hardening.

“Do you know how humiliating that was?” you continued, barely able to speak. “You were stumbling, saying incoherent things… My mom looked at me with pity… and my dad wouldn’t even talk to you. It was like… like I was introducing a stranger.”

Your shoulders shook with sobs.

“Today you didn’t come high because I had to stop you,” you said between sobs. “Do you think that’s fair?”

For the first time in the entire session, Jinx had nothing to say. Her gaze was fixed on the floor, her fists clenched tightly.

“If you don’t change… if you don’t do something to stop this shit…” You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. “I’m going to leave. Because I can’t take it anymore.”

The silence that followed felt eternal.

Jinx gritted her teeth, and when she looked up, her eyes were red.

“No…” she murmured, barely audible.

Then, as if something inside her had broken, Jinx fell to her knees in front of you. Her hands gripped your legs, and for the first time in a long time, you saw her completely vulnerable.

“Please,” she sobbed. “Don’t leave me.”

Her tears soaked your pants as she kept pleading.

“I’ll change,” she murmured between gasps. “I’ll do it, I swear… Whatever it takes, just tell me how… but don’t leave me…”

You looked down, feeling your heart break in two. You loved her… but you didn’t know if that was enough anymore.

“Jinx,” you whispered sadly. “I can’t keep believing in empty promises…”

“They won’t be!” she cried desperately. “Please… they won’t be.”

The therapist intervened at that moment, her voice calm but firm.

“Jinx,” she said softly, “if you really want to show you’re committed to this change, our clinic has a specialized addiction treatment program. We can work together on that.”

Jinx could barely lift her gaze, but she nodded weakly.

“I’ll do it…” she whispered. “I’ll do it.”

You looked at the therapist, feeling a mix of relief and fear.

“It’s a long process,” the therapist explained. “But if both of you are willing to commit, this could be the first step toward things improving.”

When they left the office, Jinx barely dared to look you in the eyes.

“I’ll do it,” she repeated, her voice firm.

This time, you didn’t respond. Because you didn’t want words… you wanted actions.

And you still didn’t know if she’d be able to give them to you.

vi

There haven’t been any words between you since you left home. Silence has become common whenever your fights drag on too long, and this time was no different.

Vi sits with her body slightly leaning forward, elbows resting on her knees, as if she’s ready to jump at the first attack. Her lips are pressed tightly together, and though she tries to hide it, her fingers move restlessly — a habit she only shows when she's about to lose her patience.

You're on the other end of the couch, arms crossed over your chest. You feel the heat in your face, a mix of anger, frustration, and anxiety that’s been building in your chest for days. Ever since Vi suggested going to therapy, only one thought has been circling your mind: she just wants to clear her conscience.

The therapist, a woman with a calm but firm voice, observes you both before speaking.

"Alright, what brings you here today?"

"Her," you answer immediately, looking at Vi with resentment. "Vi's the one who said we needed this."

Vi laughs, a dry laugh with no amusement in it.

"Of course," she mutters with clear annoyance. "Because apparently, no matter what I do, it’s always enough for you to think I’m sleeping with someone else."

"And isn’t that the truth?" you snap, your voice vibrating with anger.

The therapist raises a hand to calm you. "Let's lower the tension for a moment," she says softly. "I know you're both frustrated, but I want us to focus on understanding what’s happening here."

It’s hard to calm down. Your thoughts are racing too fast. Everything in your head is screaming that Vi is hiding something, that there’s something she hasn’t told you. And the worst part is that you feel like no one else sees it.

"What’s happening," you finally say, "is that Vi isn’t honest with me. She's always surrounded by new people, flirting with everyone, smiling like nothing matters, and... and it makes me feel like I’m not enough. Like everyone else is better than me."

Your voice cracks, but you don’t want it to show.

"Honest with you?" Vi turns to look at you directly, her eyes burning. "Do you really believe I’m cheating on you?"

"I can’t trust you," you say without thinking. "Why would I? I’ve seen the way people look at you and how you smile back. Am I just supposed to sit back and relax while you have your fun behind my back?"

"Behind your back?" Vi laughs again, but this time her voice shakes with anger. "You know what? I’m tired of every time I talk to someone, every time I go out without you, you thinking I’m in bed with someone else. I can’t even breathe without you looking at me like I’m a liar."

The therapist steps in. "Violet, why do you think your partner feels this way?"

Vi sighs, runs a hand through her hair, and leans back, staring at the ceiling as if searching for the right words.

"Because she’s been hurt before," she finally says. "Because someone broke her heart, and now she thinks I’m going to do the same." Her voice sounds more tired than angry now.

"And you think that justifies everything you do?" you ask bitterly.

Vi looks at you, hurt. "Do you think it’s my fault that you doubt everything I do? That every time I’m late, you assume I’m with someone else?"

"It’s not that I think it," you mutter, rage bubbling back inside you. "It’s that I’m sure of it."

"You have no proof of that!" Vi explodes, slamming her palm against the armrest. "I’m tired of constantly having to prove to you that I love you."

The therapist speaks again, her voice firm but calm.

"Let’s pause here for a moment. Violet, you say you feel like you can’t do anything without your partner doubting you. And you," she says, now turning to you, "seem to feel that if you don’t control the situation, you might lose her. Why do you think you react this way?"

The question hits you hard. For a few seconds, you can’t speak. The air feels heavy in your chest.

"Because I don’t want to get hurt again," you finally whisper, your voice barely audible.

"Do you believe Violet is like the people who hurt you before?"

Your lips tremble. "Sometimes, yes," you say quietly. "Not because I want to think that... but because I can’t help it. Because when she starts to pull away, when she doesn’t answer her messages or comes home late... I can’t stop my mind from spinning. And then... I get angry. I get aggressive and... I say horrible things. Things I don’t mean."

Vi lowers her head and closes her eyes tightly. Her fingers lace together, tense.

"And how do you feel when you lash out like that?" the therapist asks.

"Sometimes... I feel like I can’t stop it," you admit, tears threatening to fall. "Like all that anger just takes over because I’m... so scared of losing her."

The therapist nods, and her voice softens.

"When someone has experienced betrayal and painful breakups, it’s common for their brain to activate a defense mechanism. Distrust, fear, and aggressive impulses aren’t always easy to control because your mind has learned that the best way to protect itself is to strike first."

Those words cut you like a knife. Your breath catches in your throat, and the tears finally start to fall.

"I…" you can barely speak. "I never wanted to hurt you."

Vi moves toward you slowly, her hand reaching out carefully. Her fingers brush against yours, and when she finally intertwines her hand with yours, the knot in your throat unravels completely.

"I just... I’m so scared of you leaving," you sob.

Vi squeezes your hand tighter. "I’m not going anywhere. That’s why we’re here. I’m not going to let us lose this fight, babe," she says softly. Even though her tone is still firm, there’s a tenderness in her eyes that makes you feel like, for the first time in a long while, you can breathe again.

"I’m not here because I’m a cheater," she continues. "I’m here because I want us to stop hurting each other. Because I love you. Because I want this to work."

The therapist watches you both with a small smile. "This is the first step. Recognizing what you’re feeling and understanding why it’s happening. From here, we’ll work together on how to manage those emotions so that insecurity and fear don’t keep driving you apart."

Vi looks at you, and this time, without a trace of anger, she touches your face gently with her thumb, wiping away a tear.

"We’re going to be okay," she murmurs, pressing her forehead against yours. "I promise."

And for the first time in a long time, you let yourself believe her.

caitlyn

The place felt cold, not from the temperature, but from the emotional distance that had formed between the two of you. You sat at the edge of the sofa, defensively, as if you were trying to protect yourself from the whirlwind of emotions eating you up inside.

Caitlyn sat across from you, her posture straight, hands clasped tightly in her lap. Unlike other times, she wasn’t reaching out for your hand or seeking your gaze. She seemed tired… or maybe resigned. Like she was already waiting for things to go wrong before even trying.

The therapist began the session in a soft, yet firm voice.

"Alright, would you like to tell me why you’re here?"

You didn’t wait a second.

"Because I’m tired of Caitlyn letting her mother control our relationship," you blurted out without filter.

Caitlyn let out a short sigh, but didn’t say anything.

"Can you explain that a bit more?" the therapist asked.

"She’s always involved in everything," you said, your anger growing. "If we go to dinner, she has to be there. If we want to buy something for the house, she has to give her opinion. If Caitlyn has a problem at work, her mom is the first person she calls. And the worst part is, Caitlyn allows it. It’s like we’re not even a couple... like it’s always her and her mother... and I’m just there in the corner."

"That’s not true," Caitlyn immediately replied, her tone dry.

"Of course, it is," you shot back. "Do you want me to talk about the time your mom said I wasn’t good enough for you? Or the time she showed up at our house to 'help us' redecorate without you telling her no?"

Caitlyn frowned. "She was just trying to help…"

"Help?" Your laugh was bitter. "What she did was humiliate me. She said your ex knew 'how to treat you' better than I did."

Caitlyn's expression hardened, but not with anger… with discomfort.

"And here’s the other problem," you continued, your voice starting to tremble. "Your mom isn’t the only one making me feel like I’m not enough… You do it too."

The silence thickened. The therapist leaned slightly forward.

"Can you tell me more about that?" she asked.

You cleared your throat, swallowing the tears that threatened to spill.

"Caitlyn is always comparing me," you said quietly. "Every time we argue, every time something goes wrong, she always has to mention her ex."

"That’s not true…" Caitlyn murmured, but her voice lacked conviction.

"Is it not?" You turned to look at her directly. "Do you want me to remind you of the time you said Vi 'handled arguments better'? Or when you said Vi would never forget your birthday like I did? Or how about when you said Vi was more independent and didn’t need to be taken care of all the time?"

Caitlyn opened her mouth to respond, but you didn’t give her the chance.

"Do you know how that feels?" you said, your voice breaking. "It feels like I’m competing with a ghost… with someone who’s no longer here, but is always present in your mind. It’s like no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be enough for you."

Caitlyn stayed silent, and the therapist intervened.

"Caitlyn," she said softly, "Can you tell me what you think about what you just heard?"

Caitlyn ran a hand over her face, and when she looked down, her eyes were watery.

"I… I didn’t want her to feel that way," she murmured. "I know I talk a lot about Vi, but it’s because… well… she was an important part of my life."

"And what am I?" you interrupted, your voice shaky. "Am I not important too?"

"Of course, you are!" Caitlyn exclaimed desperately. "But… Vi and I went through a lot together, and sometimes… I don’t know, it’s like comparing you to her helps me find answers. Not because I think she was better… but because… because when I’m frustrated or scared… that’s what my mind turns to."

The therapist raised a hand to stop them for a moment.

"Caitlyn, have you ever wondered how it feels for your partner to be compared to someone else to find those answers?"

Caitlyn pressed her lips together and lowered her gaze, visibly ashamed.

"I don’t think she compares you because she sees you as 'less,'" the therapist continued, looking at you now. "I think she does it because she hasn’t learned to separate her memories from the present. That doesn’t mean she loves you less… but it does mean there are wounds Caitlyn hasn’t healed yet."

Her words hit you hard, because, as much as it hurt to admit it… there was some truth to that.

"And you," the therapist said, now addressing Caitlyn, "You need to set clear boundaries with your family. It’s clear that your relationship with your mother has influenced the way you handle conflict. Have you thought about why it’s so hard for you to say no to her?"

"Because…" Caitlyn stopped, swallowed, and lowered her voice. "Because I’ve always wanted her to be proud of me."

That confession left you speechless.

"Is that why you never defend me when she treats me like I’m not enough?" you asked quietly.

Caitlyn squeezed her eyes shut tightly. "I don’t want to lose her…" she whispered. "But I don’t want to lose you either."

The therapist spoke once more.

"What you’re both facing here is a lack of boundaries and an insecurity that has been building up. Caitlyn, you need to learn to protect your relationship without fearing that you’ll disappoint your family. And you," she said, looking at you, "You need to understand that Caitlyn can’t erase her past, but she can learn to stop comparing you to it."

The silence that followed was painful… but this time, it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was as if, finally, both of you were beginning to understand what was really wrong.

As you left, you walked in silence until Caitlyn suddenly stopped.

"I’m going to talk to my mom," she said firmly. "I’m going to tell her that I need her to step back from our relationship."

You looked up, surprised.

"And about Vi…" Caitlyn took your hand gently. "I’ll stop bringing her up. I don’t want you to feel threatened by someone who’s no longer a part of my life."

The tears you had been holding back finally fell.

"Why now?" you asked, your voice broken.

"Because I love you," Caitlyn murmured, squeezing your hand tightly. "And because I don’t want you to doubt that anymore."

You couldn’t hold back any longer and threw yourself into her arms, crying uncontrollably.

jayce

The silence was so heavy it almost felt suffocating. Jayce sat with his back straight, shoulders tense, fingers intertwined, gripped so tightly that his knuckles were white. His gaze was fixed on the floor, never lifting.

You, on the other hand, had sunk into the armchair, arms crossed tightly over your chest as if that rigid posture could protect you from what was about to come.

The therapist took a soft breath before speaking.

"I understand that you're here because you feel like your relationship has changed a lot over the last year," she said in a calm voice. "Do you want to tell me what's been going on?"

Jayce was the first to speak, his voice wavering slightly.

"I... I don't know what else to do," he admitted. "Everything changed after we lost the baby. She... became cold, distant. It's like..." He hesitated, swallowing hard. "Like she's not here anymore."

A surge of anger flared up in your chest.

"And what did you expect?" you snapped. "For me to act like nothing happened?"

"I didn’t say that," Jayce replied, trying to stay calm.

"Then what?" You sat up in the armchair. "What more do you want from me?"

"I want..." Jayce bit his lip, searching for the right words. "I want us to feel like we used to. I want you to... look at me like you used to, talk to me like you used to, and..."

"Want me to sleep with you?" you interrupted, your tone laced with venom.

"It’s not just about that!" he exclaimed, raising his voice. "But yes, it’s part of the problem. Or what do you want me to think when we haven't touched each other in a year?"

"And you think that’s the only thing that matters?"

"No, but... how am I supposed to know what you feel if you don’t let me get close to you?"

The therapist raised her hand, trying to stop the escalation of the conflict.

"It seems like you're both feeling very intense emotions," she said calmly. "Jayce, you mentioned that physical intimacy is something you're worried about. Can you explain why?"

Jayce sighed, running his hands over his face before answering.

"Because I feel... invisible," he confessed at last. "I feel like I lost my wife the same day we lost the baby."

Those words hit you like a direct shot to the chest.

"Do you think it’s been easy for me?" you spat, feeling tears already gathering in your eyes. "Do you think I don’t suffer every day because of it?"

"I’m not saying that," Jayce murmured, tired.

"Well, that’s what it sounds like!" you shouted, on the verge of crying. "All you care about is that I don’t touch you, that I don’t look at you like before, that I’m not the same anymore..."

"Because you’re not the same!"

The room fell into silence.

"You know what’s the worst?" you whispered, your voice shaking. "That you can’t expect me to be who I was when you didn’t even want that baby."

Jayce looked at you as though you had slapped him.

"How can you say that?" he murmured, disbelieving.

"Because it’s the truth," you said, tears rolling down your cheeks. "From the moment you found out I was pregnant, you did nothing but avoid the subject. You never wanted to talk about names, or prepare the room, or anything... I would get excited every time the baby moved, and you barely listened."

Your voice trembled as you continued.

"And you know what? Sometimes I feel like, for you, it was a relief that it didn’t make it."

Jayce shook his head, almost unable to believe what you were saying.

"Is that what you think of me?" he asked, his voice breaking. "That I didn’t want our child?"

"And what else can I think?"

"I loved him!" Jayce slammed his fist on the table, his voice trembling. "I just didn’t know how to handle it. Of course, I was scared, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t care."

"Well, you didn’t show it," you murmured.

"And do you think it’s been easy for me?" he retorted, and for the first time in a long time, you saw him on the verge of tears. "Do you think I don’t cry every time I think about him? Do you think I haven’t felt guilty for every time I didn’t say what I should have said to you?"

He lowered his head, swallowing hard.

"Do you think I haven’t punished myself for it?" he whispered at last.

The silence that followed was devastating.

The therapist waited a moment before intervening.

"I think you're both carrying an immense amount of pain," she said softly. "And it seems that, instead of sharing it, each of you has been living with it separately."

Your breathing was still uneven, and your hands were shaking slightly.

"The loss of a child is one of the most painful experiences someone can go through," the therapist continued. "And grief manifests in very different ways. You," she said, looking at you, "seem to have dealt with that pain by isolating yourself emotionally to protect yourself from suffering."

She then looked at Jayce.

"And you tried to repress your pain, pretending things could go back to normal if you just kept pushing forward."

Both of you remained silent.

"Grief is not something you just 'get over'," the therapist explained. "It’s a process that takes time, and involves recognizing the emotions you’ve been suppressing. Perhaps right now, you're both feeling a lot of anger and frustration, but beneath all that... there’s love. The same love that brought you together when you decided to start a family."

For the first time in a long time, you dared to look at Jayce. His eyes were red, and his lips trembled slightly.

"How... how do we go back to being us?" he asked, his voice broken.

"Step by step," the therapist said. "For now, I suggest you start with something simple. Try to reconnect outside of the pressure of 'going back to normal.' Go out together, talk about things that aren’t related to the pain. And when you’re ready, talk about what you lost... but this time, do it together."

Jayce looked at you timidly, as if afraid you would reject him.

"Do you want to... go to the theater tonight? There's a new play showing, and I know how much you love those things," he murmured, fearful of being turned down but willing to risk it all for you.

For a moment, you wanted to say no. That it still hurt too much. But then you remembered how much you had felt his absence... and deep down, you knew you still loved him.

You nodded softly.

"Yes... I’d like that."

Jayce took your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. His warm touch made you feel, for the first time in a long while, that maybe not everything was lost.

ekko

Ekko had his jaw clenched and an expression that barely concealed his frustration. Meanwhile, you couldn't stop rubbing your hands, as if the mere fact of being there was draining your patience.

The therapist glanced at both of you before speaking.

"Alright, I understand there have been some issues regarding the management of money," she said calmly. "Would you like to tell me what's been going on?"

Ekko let out a dry laugh, incredulous.

"What's been going on?" he repeated, looking away as if trying to hold himself back. "What’s happening is that she doesn't believe in me."

"That's not true," you responded immediately, feeling your chest fill with indignation.

"Of course it is," Ekko insisted, now looking directly at you. "Every time I invest in one of my projects, you get all pessimistic. No matter how much effort I put in, you always assume it's going to fail."

"Because it always does," you shot back, louder than you intended.

The silence that followed felt like a slap. Ekko looked at you with disbelief, as if he couldn’t believe you’d said that out loud.

"Is that what you think of me?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"I didn’t—"

"Is that what you think of me?" he repeated, this time with more force, almost as if trying to convince himself.

"Ekko…"

"No, seriously," he interrupted, and the hurt in his voice froze you. "Do you really think I'm a failure?"

"I didn’t say that…"

"You didn’t verbalize it, but I know it’s what you think," his voice rose even further. "Then why are you still with me? Why are you still here if you think I won’t achieve anything?"

The therapist raised a hand, trying to mediate.

"Ekko, I understand that those words hurt, but let's try to…"

"No," Ekko cut her off, standing up suddenly. "I don’t need to hear this."

He stepped toward the door, and for a moment, you felt your chest collapse.

"Ekko, wait!"

You stood up as well, reaching him just before he could leave. You grabbed his arm, but he didn’t turn around.

"Please, don’t go," you pleaded.

"What for?" he murmured, not looking at you. "You’ve made it clear what you think of me."

"That's not it!" you exclaimed desperately. "What I meant to say is that... I’m scared."

Finally, Ekko stopped. He didn’t fully turn, but he stopped pushing the door.

"Scared?" he repeated, his voice less angry now.

You took a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over.

"Ekko, I... I do believe in you," you said, your voice trembling. "But I’m scared. Scared that you’ll put so much of us into your projects that we’ll lose everything. It’s not that I doubt you... It’s that I’m terrified of not having stability. I... I’m someone who needs control, who needs to know that everything is planned. And when things feel so uncertain, I go crazy thinking about what will happen if it all goes wrong."

Ekko finally turned to look at you. His expression was no longer angry... it was full of pain.

"Why didn’t you tell me this before?"

"Because I didn’t want you to think I didn’t trust you," you admitted, wiping away a tear with the sleeve of your sweater.

The atmosphere remained tense as both of you returned to the couch. The therapist waited a moment before speaking again.

"It seems like both of you are feeling very strongly, and that’s normal when love mixes with financial insecurity," she said, her tone calm. "Ekko, I understand that it frustrates you to feel like your partner doesn’t believe in your projects, because that touches your self-esteem and your aspirations. But I also understand that for you," she said, looking at you, "it’s hard to fully trust when you feel like you don’t have control over the future."

You both nodded, though your gazes remained fixed on the floor.

"What we need now is to find a balance," the therapist continued. "Ekko, have you thought about setting a fixed budget for your projects instead of risking all of your finances?"

Ekko crossed his arms. "It’s not that simple," he muttered. "My projects won’t move forward without money."

"I understand," the therapist nodded. "But what if you think of it as a scaled investment? Something that allows you to keep working on your ideas, but without putting your finances at risk."

The idea seemed to resonate with Ekko, because this time, he didn’t respond quickly.

"And you," she continued, looking at you, "would you be willing to trust his decisions more if he commits to planning his investments better?"

You sighed and looked at Ekko.

"If you really get organized... yes."

Ekko held your gaze for a moment.

"And if it fails again?" he asked quietly.

"Then we’ll fail together," you answered without hesitation. "What I can’t do is keep feeling like everything’s falling apart with no plan."

For the first time in the whole session, Ekko gave a small smile.

"Then we’ll plan better," he finally said. "I promise I won’t risk it all without thinking about us first."

You couldn’t help but feel a lump in your throat.

When you left the therapist’s office, Ekko stopped in front of you and took your hands.

"I’m sorry for almost leaving," he murmured.

"I’m sorry for doubting you," you whispered back.

He looked down as if thinking something important.

"You know what?" he said finally. "I’m going to start a savings fund so that, no matter what happens with my projects, we’ll always have something safe."

"I love you," you said, hugging him tightly.

"I love you too," Ekko murmured against your hair. "And I’ll prove to you that you can trust me."

The therapist watched you two with a big smile, it seemed like her work was done.

silco

Silco is sitting on the couch, arms crossed, his face grim, eyes fixed on the floor, his posture tense. He knows he’s here because you asked him to be. The idea of sharing his thoughts and feelings, of opening up emotionally, isn’t something that comes easily to him.

Your breathing is heavier than usual, but you manage to keep your composure. It took a lot to get here, to admit that things aren’t going well and that the emotional disconnection you feel is affecting you more than you’d like to admit. Silco has been distant, almost unreachable, and sometimes it feels like he doesn’t care as much as he should.

The therapist, a mature woman with a calm presence that contrasts with the tension in the room, observes you gently before speaking. “I understand that both of you decided to come here today. That’s an important first step. But before we move forward, I’d like each of you to share what brought you here.”

Silco doesn’t move a muscle, but his low voice fills the room. “She asked for it. I don’t think it’s necessary, but here I am.” His tone is curt, impersonal, as if he’s willing to tolerate the situation but not really engage with it.

A sigh escapes your lips, the weight of your thoughts pressing down on your chest again.

“It’s hard…” you begin, hesitating for a moment. “But sometimes I feel like you’re not really here. Like you’re not present in the relationship. I don’t want it to sound bad, but I feel… invisible. I don’t know if it’s the age difference that makes you see me as less than a real partner. It’s like I’m just here out of convenience and not because you actually want to be with me.”

Silco doesn’t answer right away. Instead, his expression hardens even more. His eyes shift to the side, as if he doesn’t want to hear those words, but you know he has. You know something struck a nerve, even if he refuses to acknowledge it.

The therapist nods, taking mental notes, then speaks softly. “Silco, your partner says she feels distant from you, that there’s an emotional disconnection affecting your relationship. How does that make you feel?”

The silence in the room becomes heavy. Silco tenses his shoulders, but at last, his eyes meet yours. For a second, there’s a crack in his façade, like the hardness in his gaze softens, just a little.

“I’m not good at this,” he murmurs at last. “I don’t know how… to be what she needs. I’ve always been more… direct. I don’t open up easily. And yeah, sometimes I wonder if I’m right for her. I don’t know if I am. But if it makes her feel better, I’ll try. I don’t know how to do more than that.”

He shrugs, like his words are an irrelevant confession, but inside him, fear is starting to surface.

The therapist takes note again, then turns to you, her tone soft but firm. “Your partner seems to struggle with vulnerability. Vulnerability can be very difficult for people who’ve been hurt in the past or who lean toward power and control. Silco, from what you’re saying, it sounds like it’s easier for you to protect yourself and, by extension, your relationship from potential harm. But that also creates distance between you two, because love needs to be shared, expressed in a way that makes both of you feel connected.”

You look into his eyes, feeling like, for the first time, you’re beginning to understand the root of his behavior. Throughout the relationship, you’ve seen him rise after every blow, building his walls higher each time, but you never fully understood why. This new perspective makes you see things differently.

“I… I don’t want you to feel like you don’t matter,” you say softly. “I just want you to let me in. I need to know that you’re here, that you see me, that I’m not alone in this.” Your voice shakes slightly, and you take a breath to stop yourself from breaking down right there.

Silco looks at you with concern and takes your hand, gripping it tightly. That gives you the strength you need to continue.

“Sometimes, when I see you so distant, I wonder if I’m just a child to you… or if there’s really something more between us.”

Silco doesn’t answer immediately, and for a long while, the room remains silent. His expression is still serious, but now there’s something else. A slight tension in his jaw, like he’s processing everything he’s just heard. It’s clear he’s not used to talking about these things, but at least he’s starting to listen. And that, somehow, gives you hope.

The therapist steps in gently. “Emotions, Silco, aren’t a sign of weakness. They’re a way to connect, to know that both of you are committed to this relationship. If you don’t allow yourself to feel, you’re missing out on something vital.”

Silco closes his eyes for a moment, letting those words slowly sink in. “It’s… hard,” he whispers. “But I’ll try. I’ll try… to be what she needs. I don’t know if I can, but I’ll try.”

You don’t say anything, but your heart feels a little lighter, like you’ve managed to pry open a crack in his heart. It’s a small step, but it’s something.

The therapist smiles, sensing the progress. “Good. This is a good start. Remember, this isn’t a quick fix, but if you’re both committed to working on this, things can improve.”

The session ends after an hour, and as you step outside, the air feels fresher, a little lighter.

You walk silently toward the car, but when you reach the door, Silco stops and looks at you with intensity. He doesn’t say anything, but there’s something in his gaze that makes your chest feel lighter. Then, without warning, he takes your hand firmly, a gesture that speaks louder than a thousand words.

You don’t need to say anything. You know this is his way of saying, “I heard you,” his way of showing he’s willing to try. And for now, that’s enough.

sevika

Sevika and you were sitting, but the distance between you felt more palpable than ever. The therapist, with a calm tone, looked at Sevika first.

“It seems that both of you are here to resolve an important decision,” she said, with a serenity that almost irritated you at that moment. “Would you like to tell me what brought you here?”

The therapist looked calm, but you felt your stomach twisting in knots. Sevika sighed, her gaze fixed on a distant point before speaking.

“I have a job offer abroad,” you said, trying to sound firm, but your voice trembled. “It's an opportunity that could change my career and my life. But Sevika doesn’t want me to take it.”

Sevika looked at you with a serious expression, but there was something else in her eyes. A deep exhaustion.

“I don’t want you to go because I can’t go with you,” she said bluntly. “This place, my life, everything is here. I can’t leave it all behind for something uncertain.”

“Then you don’t love me enough,” you blurted out, unable to hold it back. “If you did, you’d be willing to fight for us, for what we have.”

Sevika fell silent for a long moment, then, with a calm yet brutally honest tone, she whispered:

“No, I don’t want to fight.”

Your eyes widened, as if what you had just heard couldn’t be real.

“What are you saying?” your voice broke, on the verge of shattering.

“I don’t want to stay in this relationship anymore. I have too many voids,” Sevika said firmly. “I don’t feel the same way about you anymore. I don’t know if I ever really did. I’m in a stage of self-discovery, and… I want to explore things outside of this. I feel trapped, and I’ve been holding back out of respect, but I can’t do it anymore.”

Sevika’s words hit you like a punch to the chest. The pain was physical, sharp, as if something vital had been ripped out of you. You stood in shock, unable to fully process it.

“I don’t understand,” you stammered, tears starting to gather in your eyes. “What voids could you possibly have? Don’t we have a perfect relationship?”

Sevika sighed, moving closer to you. She took your hands with a gentleness that only made the pain worse.

“Do you really believe our relationship is perfect?” she asked, and her voice wasn’t harsh but sad, as if she had already accepted the inevitable. “Because it’s not, and you know it. I’ve watched you age your dreams while mine slowly faded away.”

Your breathing quickened, but Sevika didn’t stop.

“You’ve always wanted kids. You had plans, a clear vision of what you wanted. I never wanted that. And you knew it. But you kept pushing.”

A lump formed in your throat as you tried to say something, but the words wouldn’t come out.

“And for the past three months…” Sevika continued, “we haven’t even spent a full day together. We have no intimacy. I don’t touch you, you don’t touch me. When was the last time we said ‘I love you’? When was the last time we looked at each other and felt something beyond routine?”

Sevika’s question left you breathless. The tears finally spilled over, and you couldn’t stop them. You were trapped in a mix of disbelief, pain, and sorrow. Had things really been this bad for so long, and you hadn’t even noticed?

“This can’t be happening,” you whispered, sobbing uncontrollably. “No… this can’t be real. I can’t lose you.”

Sevika hugged you, but it wasn’t a comforting embrace. It felt empty, like she was trying to console herself through you, but there was nothing left to hold on to.

“I love you,” she said softly, stroking your hair, “but not in the way I used to. And you… you deserve someone who loves you the way you deserve.”

The therapist spoke then, her voice calm.

“It seems like you’re both at different points in your lives,” she said, voicing what neither of you could ignore anymore. “You both have dreams, desires, and needs that are too different to overlook. The gap between you has become too wide.”

“So… is this it? Is that all?” you asked, feeling empty, your heart shattered.

Sevika didn’t answer right away. She just looked at you with a mix of pain and resignation.

“I think so,” she murmured. “I think it’s what’s best for both of us. It’s what’s best for you, even if you don’t see it right now. You need something I can’t give you, and I need something you no longer want.”

The therapist nodded, confirming what you both knew deep down.

“Maybe the best thing is to take a step back,” she said gently. “Maybe it’s time for both of you to move forward separately, even if that means pain and sacrifice. It’s the hardest step, but also the most honest one.”

You both listened to the therapist’s words, knowing there was truth in them, but also feeling the weight of sadness that came with it. Therapy hadn’t fixed anything immediately, but it had given you both the space to understand that love isn’t always enough to save what’s already been lost.

When the session ended, Sevika and you stood up, but the goodbye lingered in the air like a weight you couldn’t ignore. You walked toward the door, neither of you speaking. Silence filled the space between you.

As you stepped out of the clinic, the rain began to fall heavily, as if the world around you reflected the storm raging inside. You looked at each other one last time before parting ways. Sevika, her eyes glistening with a sadness she couldn’t hide, stepped closer, her hands empty, as if she wanted to offer something, but there was nothing left to give.

“Take care,” she said, her voice breaking, before turning away, walking toward a life that no longer included you.

You stood there, drenched by the rain, unable to move, as if the water was washing away what was left of you, of that relationship that was once full of promises and love. But now, only absence remained.

In the end, all you had left were her final words.

“Take care,” you whispered to yourself, watching as Sevika faded into the distance, taking a piece of you with her.

[godmadeaterribleerror]

No Love Lost Series Masterlist

Read on A03! - Listen to the Playlist!

Main Masterlist - Soldier Boy Masterlist

Rating/Warnings: 18+ for canon-typical violence, swearing, mental health issues, mentions of rape/non-con, and sexual content.

Tags: Soldier Boy/Supe!Female Reader, enemies to friends to lovers, canon divergence, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff.

Series Summary

Three years ago you were normal, the only demons you had to fight were your own, and you the most you knew of Vought and the Boys were what you saw on TV. But then you met Homelander at a stupid party, and woke up the next morning in a cell.

After almost two and a half years of you being Homelander's little project, Soldier Boy was woken up only go rouge and be put back under. Somewhere in there, you escaped. And before Queen Maeve went underground, she told William Butcher about the Anomaly, a powerful supe who recently escaped Vought captivity and may have an agenda against Homelander.

One month later, the Boys found you.

You spend the next five months helping them best you can, though your control over your powers is weak and your fear of Homelander makes you useless in combat. But you get an idea. A stupid, dangerous idea that turns you into Soldier Boy's keeper, giving him a second chance to take down Homelander, you hanging over his shoulder, a threat should he want to go nuclear again. It's exhausting and frustrating, and you might kill him and yourself as soon as this is over, but you said whatever it takes.

And this is what it takes.

Author's Note

This story is non-canon compliant, with the two main differences being;

1) Butcher doesn't have brain cancer, because I said so.

2) All of Gen V didn't take place, because I don't want to deal with the whole supe-plauge thing. Also that's too many characters to keep track of squad.

Because of this, the story will start in a similar setting as s4e5, but with different events leading up to it, and will deal with similar themes and have similar events to the rest of s4, but at an inconsistent rate. If you have any questions about other, smaller changes I have made, feel free to ask!

Navigation Key

❤️‍🔥 = Smut

🚩 = Additional Warnings

Chapter List

Chapter 1 - Where Winning Looks Like Losing Chapter 2 - A New Kind of Tension Chapter 3 - You've Torn Your Dress 🚩 Chapter 4 - You Might Be The Same As Me Chapter 5 - Popped, Cool, and Ready to Go Chapter 6 - I've Been Searching for a Fortified Defense Chapter 7 - The Blinding Ultra-Violence 🚩 Chapter 8 - I Just Find My Way Back ❤️‍🔥🚩 Chapter 9 - Can't Cover It Up ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 10 - Lead Me To The Ark ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 11 - The Wolves or The Ocean Rocks Chapter 12 - While My Blood's Still Flowing Chapter 13 - The Terror of Knowing Chapter 14 - Choke on Sun Chapter 15 - I Found A Martyr ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 16 - Let It Flood ❤️‍🔥 🚩 Chapter 17 - Make My Chest Stir Chapter 18 - Something In The Static ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 19 - Don't Look Back 🚩 Chapter 20 - Forget to Fall Down Chapter 21 - Some Things You Just Can't Speak About ❤️‍🔥 🚩 Chapter 22 - I Stayed In The Darkness With You Chapter 23 - Wherever You're Going ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 24 - You'll Never Be Alone ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 25 - All I Know ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 26 - I’ve Loved Everything About You That Hurts ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 27 - Just A Shot Away 🚩 Chapter 28 - Something That I'm Supposed to Be ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 29 - All My Bets On You Chapter 30 - Every Demon Wants His Pound of Flesh 🚩 Chapter 31 - I'd Do It All Again ❤️‍🔥

More Than You Could Ever Know - A No Love Lost Christmas Special

Part 1 - The Boys start Secret Santa, Ben pretends to do his job. ❤️‍🔥 Part 2 - Ben and Ryan go shopping, and you all try to find a tree. Part 3 - You and Ben have a Christmas Eve date. Many gifts are opened.

Bonus Footage (Standalone Chapters)

Dying’s Up to Me - A Prologue. Takes place 6ish months before Chapter 1. 🚩 They're Never Gonna Find You A Home - Request! Everyone adjusts to your life with the Boys. Takes place 5ish months before Chapter 1. 🚩 Back to Here - Request! They get horny at the dining table, and Butcher takes it personally. Takes place in Chapter 14. It's So Simple - You make Ben do icebreakers. He's a little bitch about it. Takes place in Chapter 14. Just Your Time - You give Ben internet lessons. Takes place in Chapter 14. As Much As I Do - Request! Ben finds you dancing, is immediately very normal about it. Takes place after Chapter 14 and around Chapter 15. Calling Your Name - Ben's first birthday awake isn't great. Takes place in Chapter 19. ❤️‍🔥 I Skip My Pride - You share some music with Ben over text. Takes place in Chapter 22. The Only Place That I Call Home - It's team game night, and everyone is sick of you and Ben's shit. Takes place in Chapter 24. ❤️‍🔥 Can't Help Myself - Request! Ben has a breeding kink, and you're incredibly horny, so it works. Takes place in around Chapter 24 and Chapter 25. ❤️‍🔥 Anywhere Else Is Hollow - A halloween special episode! Takes place in Chapter 25. It Was Smiling Down - A Ryan pov Chapter. Takes place between Chapter 26 and Chapter 27. A Call To Motion - Request! There's a lot of things you're good at. Sex with Ben is one of them. Takes places in Chapter 28.❤️‍🔥 I Want You Only - You and Ben go shopping. Takes place in Chapter 28 ❤️‍🔥 I’ll Hold Your Hand - Request! You get your period, and Ben has to do his job and take care of that. Takes place post series.

Found Footage (Post-Series Chapters)

Just Too Important - You and Ben head to Costco. Takes place about two months post-series. Dreams of Love - Request! You and Ben have to babysit. Takes place ten months post-series. Setting In A Honeymoon - You and Ben finally get a honeymoon. Takes place about a year post-series.

[martian-astro10]

Astrology observations - Part 4 (use whole signs)

🌟 Moon in 4th is one of my favourite placements. These people usually have a good career, like an emotionally fulfilling one. They won't stay in a job that doesn't make them happy. Their mom can help them choose a career or give them interview tips.

🏮Mars in 2nd house people are so lucky when it comes to earning money, it's like, they get a new money making opportunity just when they're on their last penny. They're also not afraid to get their hands dirty and are willing to do almost anything, very hard working people. They're also the ones managing all the money in their family.

🌟 Mercury in 8th house people are the ones with a "sexy brain" like the WAY their mind works, are so good at analysing arguments and coming up with the best possible solution. Good debating skills. These people have great manifestation skills, I have a list of 100 + incidents, it's honestly a little scary. Can also develop clairvoyant abilities if they work on it.

🏮I haven't met a single non religious, Sun in 9th house person in my life. Even if they're not that religious in their younger years, they will be when they get older. Always willing to help others even when they themselves are suffering, my mom has this, and.....it pisses me off so bad. The "put your own oxygen mask on first" advice is for you all. Stop helping people, be selfish, it's not your duty to make everyone else's life better. My mom doesn't listen, but maybe you all will.

🌟 Venus in 11th house is a placement that's really good from a business perspective. They're great at negotiations so that's helpful. They won't like doing a regular 9 to 5 job as it will suppress their freedom and creativity. They will open their own business pretty early on in life, in like late 20's or early 30's. Great architects and interior designers. I remember when I made the architecture and astrology post, a lot of people had this.

🏮I haven't seen anyone talk about this, but moon in 6th house people can be really good leaders, they're very helpful and kind and their ability to understand emotions makes them extremely likable. They have more of a people oriented leadership style. They focus on building strong relationship with their group members or employees. Also, why are you all always sick 😭? Prone to anxiety and stress and this leads to body pain and digestive issues. Please put your health first.

🌟 It's really funny how ALL my friends, every single one, has Venus in 1st. I would say that rather than us being pretty, we're just very likable. Even if they're introvert or shy, they have a communication style that makes other people want to talk to them. It's just an aura thing, tbh. Also, they're huge people pleasers and will do their best not to offend anyone, like even if a person is being annoying, they won't say anything. (Mars in 1st can change this)

🏮 Jupiter in 2nd house is not good for marriage but great for career and friendships. I know people with this who are still in contact with their pre school friends. Their friends will help them in their career as well. They're intelligent but they think they're not, and this makes them lose a lot of opportunities. Need to have a little bit of courage to succeed in life.

🌟 Sun in 12th house people probably had a painful childhood (more so than others), if mercury is with sun in 12th, then they write poems to express this pain. They're good writers, and can be lyricists, authors, script/play writers, etc. these people are physically weak. Might also not know who they are, as in, not aware of their own personality traits.

🏮Saturn in 12th house people lack confidence when they're young, but become more confident as they get older and learn to get out of their comfort zone. These people have better luck outside of their homeland. This is a good placement if you want to become a psychologist as it gives you the ability to properly analyse those with mental disorders. They also look aloof most of the time. This is another placement that is good in terms of writing skills, many famous authors have this (those who write sad stuff)

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[cosmicpuzzle]

6th Lord in Houses ✔️

1st House: You are a complicated and a very self-critical person, with more tendency to see the flaws in life than the good. Possibly you suffer from some health-related problems on and off, due to accumulation of different dysfunctions in the physiology or mind. You might pay great attention to health-related diets or activities, and quite possibly you might have a career connected to the medical field. Due to misunderstandings and other complications, you might have a hard time keeping your reputation clear and therefore meet with several obstacles.

2nd House: You can be quite economical because your critical mind is very aware of the fluctuation or accumulations of resources in your life. Therefore, you pay great detailed attention and interest to your work, and you will, with such diligence, accumulate substantial income. Beware of expressing yourself in an irritated way and try to eat healthy food.

3rd House: Negative self-criticism, irritation and lack of hope may hold back on your initiative to act for the fulfillment of your desires. The fact that you are more aware of the limitations that the possibilities take away from you the courage needed to forge ahead and succeed. You may fall into the trap of being constantly irritated and quarrelsome. If you have any siblings, you probably don't get along with them.

4th House: Your need for comfort and inner security is often threatened by irritable self-criticism that you bring onto yourself. Your self image may be distorted and weak and therefore it appears hard for you be content and comfortable with yourself. Gains like a good educational degree, real estate or land seem hard for you to come by. Your relationship with your mother may be annoying and irritable.

5th House: Your mind is often restless and irritable in particular when you find that you can't access the learning or information that you seek. You may pay more attention to what's wrong than what goes right. Your finances constantly fluctuate, and you may have a hard time relating to your children.

6th House: You have a good ability to survive obstacles and overcome oppression. Any competitor or enemy has to keep a close eye on you, but in the end you are the one who is likely to overcome his/her opponents. You have a good sense of service and you might dwell into some medical field in order to help your fellow human beings.

7th House: Frequently you may find yourself in an unnecessary argument with your spouse, something that started as an irritation but escalated into a fight. And even if you hide your irritation, it may subliminally get transmitted to your spouse giving rise to a new irritation. Your spouse may actually suffer from some health ailments and may also have a hard time in financial management. Your own health can be weak as well.

8th House: You may often be frustrated because you cannot get what you want. Then again, what you want may not be in your reach at all. It might be another person's property. Mentally you are often vulnerable to annoying irritation. Maybe you should try to be of service to others by finding solutions for previously unsolved problems and putting the pieces together. Your mind has a critical faculty that could possibly be used to research, exploring and uncovering things.

9th House: You may feel frustrated when you pursue a higher education, and you may feel unjustly criticized by your teacher. Gaining higher education may be a source of suffering for you, and the same applies to religious studies, philosophy and ethics. If you are service oriented, you will in time acquire contentment and comfort.

10th House:You use your critical mind quite a bit to succeed in your career. It may need hard work and a lapse of time but in the end you will succeed in creating professional reputation for yourself. You will still have a good deal of opponents, competitors and critics who may disturb the process of success, but you are likely to overcome them.

11th House: You may find that many of the opportunities you have for gaining resources is through your opponents or competitors. Surprising as it may seem you are likely to earn well through these avenues. Other opportunities might actually have more obstacles for you. Your older sibling may be your rival, or your relationship may be characterized with rivalry. Your children may have health problems.

12th House: There is a possibility that you have hidden rivals or enemies that work against you without you knowing. You may also experience a hopeless irritation often without knowing why or where it is coming from. In order to escape this vicious circle, you may find that selfless service to those in need will give you more than you bargained for.

For Readings DM

[g4rvez-r3id]

When You’re Lost in the Darkness, Look for the Light

Ex! Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU Reader

Synopsis: Your ex, Spencer Reid, has just lost his girlfriend due to her being murdered. When all else fails with the BAU team helping him get through this loss, the only person left to help is you.

Category: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: established past relationship, maeve arc, takes place after 8x12 “Zugzwang”, mentions of death and suicide, technically an AU for 8x13 “Magnum Opus”, spencer is obviously still mourning maeve, mentions of lauren storyline, mentions of breakups, reader was in a past relationship before spencer, kinda sad, hopeful ending(?) let me know if i missed anything! <3

Author’s Note: i feel like this was a bit rushed, especially towards the end butttt i might make a part two to this- just let me know if i should :)

It’d been a few weeks since what happened. Spencer witnessing his girlfriend being murdered right in front of him by her stalker. You knew that he was taking it hard, of course, who wouldn’t after seeing something like that?

The team had been frequently visiting him. Garcia had stopped by with her ninth gift basket on his doorstep, since he never answered. JJ had offered to bring the boys over to cheer him up but Spencer would never answer. Even Hotch, and Morgan tried to get him to get a breather outside of his apartment but of course, Spencer never answered. Blake and Rossi knew that he needed his space, knowing that a loss like this wasn’t easy.

Everyone on the team had tried, everyone except you. And honestly, why would you? Your breakup with Reid was enough reason not to go and see him.

You two had broken up when he’d found out you’d known about Emily taking her death. (You weren’t even supposed to know about it, you had just stumbled across Hotch and JJ having the conversation after you’d found out that your best friend was dead.) After she’d come back when they had a lead on Ian Doyle’s son, Spencer had later confronted you and told you he couldn’t forgive you for knowing for ten months and not telling him about it.

You expressed just how much it pained you not to tell him but that she couldn’t risk telling him. He had to understand that. Frankly, he didn’t.

And it seemed that he still hadn’t forgiven you since then.

It’d been over a year since you last had a full conversation with him since then, only opting for small talk or only talking when it was relevant to whatever case they were on.

And then you found out about Maeve. There were whispers around the office, Spencer was smiling more in the office, he was secretive and not to mention the case with the payphone that you and Blake took him to after needing answers regarding a case. You and Blake badgered him, wanting answers as to why he was being so secretive.

And then his words confirmed it for you — “Because I don’t want them to know about her, okay?”

And so, he had a girlfriend. And you were perfectly okay with that. Of course, it hurt that he’d moved on but someone had to, eventually, right?

Since then, you had avoided him any chance you had. If you two were alone in the kitchenette, you were the one who left first. If there was a spot on the jet open next to Spencer, you’d offer it to someone else quietly. You figured pushing him away — even professionally — was the best thing you could do for your own mental health.

But then Spencer’s girlfriend had gone missing. And you weren’t exactly forced to work a case but it sure felt like it when Hotch said that you guys would be working on your free time. You had half the mind to walk out of the bullpen right then and there. But then you looked at Spencer. Spencer, who looked like a kicked puppy dog with his sad eyes, messy hair and anxious stance and pleading, begging the team to help find her. And you knew that he’d always be your weakness, no matter what. And you’d like to think that maybe he’d do the same for you if the roles were reversed.

It’d taken a few to discover that Maeve’s stalker was Diane Turner, a research assistant at Mendel University where Maeve used to work. Diane applied and was rejected for a PhD after submitting a doctoral thesis about spontaneous cellular death in suicide patients, due to said thesis being biased as it contained references to her own parents, who’d committed suicide. She targeted Maeve, believing she was the one responsible for rejecting her PhD.

You remembered the minute you heard gunshots in the building, heart dropping at the possibility that it may have been Spencer who was shot at, since he offered to trade himself for Maeve. And thought it was better if the team were to wait outside of the building.

You remembered trying to talk him off the ledge but he simply ignored you and went into the building anyway without a vest.

You remembered Spencer trying to talk Diane down as she held a gun to Maeve’s head and growing anxious at the fact that Diane was getting more and more angry.

You remembered what Maeve spoke to him — her last words — “Thomas Merton, he’s the one you can never take away from us.” The proof of how much she loved him.

You remembered Diane pulling the trigger on herself and Maeve and Spencer’s painful pleading as both Diane and Maeve landed on the ground in a puddle of their own blood.

And you hated it but you remembered Spencer falling to his knees, sobbing over Maeve’s body. You could hardly believe it, even when it happened right in front of you. You’d fallen beside him, hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him the best way possible. And he grabbed your hand. Granted, he probably didn’t know or didn’t care enough to know who it was in that moment, but he took your hand anyways.

And since then, not a word from Spencer. And it was starting to worry the rest of the team.

But when you arrived in the office a few weeks after, staring at Spencer’s empty desk, JJ had spoken up and said — “Everyone else has tried but you. And I think you’re the person he needs right now.”

You’d responded, telling her that you’re probably the last person he wants to see right now in his time of mourning. But JJ had encouraged you. You’d known him in ways the team didn’t. Hell, you dated him. And you also knew what it was like to lose someone you loved.

A few years before you dated Spencer, you had had a boyfriend. You were dating him for three years until he lost his life in a car accident. You were heartbroken from the lost and you didn’t go to work for over a month after. The only person that gotten you through that had been Spencer. He always had a way with words and you remembered him being there for you the entire time you dealt with it. A couple of years later, you and him finally began to date.

And now here you were, standing outside of his apartment, wondering how the hell you got yourself in this mess. You’d told Hotch that you needed to take care of something and that you wouldn’t be joining them on this upcoming case. It was true and it wasn’t like you to just call out of work unless it was an emergency. It technically wasn’t a lie, Spencer was your emergency. And you knew that Hotch would understand.

You’d hesitantly knocked, so quietly. “Spencer? It’s me,” You’d spoken up, your voice hoarse. “I, uh, I know I’m the last person you probably want to talk to right now… but… I’m here. If you need anything, I’m right here.” You assured.

To make your point, you moved two of the gift baskets away from the door so you can plop right down on the floor to sit against the door. “And I’m not going anywhere.” You rested the back of your head against the door. “And we don’t have to talk. We can wait however long you need to. I’ll be here.”

“But, please, give me something so I know that you’re alive in there.” You asked and quietly pleaded, “Please.”

You’d waited thirty seconds before you lost hope entirely and then three soft knocks came from the other side of the door and you smiled to yourself in relief that at least he was conscious.

And soon the minutes turned into hours, with you resting your head against that door and shifting a couple of times to get comfortable. Spencer still hadn’t budged since he’d knocked on the door. You’d taken the opportunity to help yourself to one of Garcia’s gift baskets since Reid hadn’t seemed to claim them. You’d opted for one of the fresher baskets since the others had probably been sitting for about a few weeks now. There was a basket with the mini chocolate chip muffins that you snacked on while sitting there.

And after hours and hours of still waiting there with no peep from Spencer, your eyes began to flutter closed at how sleepy you were getting. Sleeping outside of Spencer’s apartment wasn’t the best place for your back or your neck but you had slept in worse places.

You’d probably succumbed to sleep at least a few hours later until you had a rude awakening involving Spencer finally opening his door.

You hit your head right on the floor, which had woke you up. “Ow.” You muttered and looked up, seeing Spencer’s ghostly figure standing above you. You could’ve sworn you were dreaming. “Spencer?”

“You’re still here?” He asked, confusion in his voice. You finally stood up from the floor and nodded at him to answer as he began to walk away from the door and went back to the couch.

It was then that you got a look at his apartment. There were books on the floor everywhere. If you knew better, you’d say Spencer may have thrown them out of anger, pain. Old takeout boxes on the kitchen counter and living room table. It smelt like death — (but it actually might’ve been Spencer). You had to squint to look around since it’d been so dark. “Oh, Spencer…” You mumbled and turned to him on the couch. He was in a fetal position on the cushions, his hair falling in front of his face with an evident frown engraved on his face. He looked like a fragile child and it ached your heart to see him like that.

You found yourself kneeling in front of him and brushed the hair away from his face — like it was second nature to you. Like you’ve done it before. And you have.

You looked around, wondering what you should do, what you can do. And you finally find something small to start with. “When was the last time you slept in your own bed?” You asked and Spencer didn’t answer. You expected that.

You stood up from kneeling in front of Spencer and walked to his room, grabbing a few clothes — a plain t-shirt, a pair of underwear, plaid pajama pants and a pair of mismatched socks. You then went into the hall closet to pull out a towel and a washcloth for him and walked towards the bathroom to start running the water. He always liked it not too hot or not too cold but just warm enough.

You walked into the living room and found Spencer sitting up on the couch. “Why don’t you hop in the shower? I’ve got it running the way you like it.” It took a few seconds but Spencer nodded at you and began to trudge to the bathroom. He’d left the door a crack and you wondered why he did. But then it occurred to you that maybe he didn’t want to feel quite alone for a minute and you were right there if he needed anything. And he knew you had a guilty conscience, knowing that if he had closed the door and he’d done something to himself, you’d never forgive yourself. And you wouldn’t want him trapping himself in the bathroom either.

As Spencer went into the shower, you’d taken care of the rest of the apartment. You started with opening the blinds to bring some sort of light in and then with the kitchen counter, clearing out all of the old takeout boxes and washing dishes and wiping down the table and putting the books back on the shelves. All except for one. The Narrative of John Smith, it’d been the one book that he was clutching onto the entire time she’d been here until you told him to get into the shower. You knew he needed to put that one away on his own terms.

You fixed the couch up, laying the throw blanket neatly over the couch and then walked to his room, setting up his own bed. Wanting for him to be as comfortable as possible.

When he finally exited the bathroom, you didn’t hear him. You hadn’t heard his footsteps as he looked around the living room, seeing how you tidied up the place while he was in the shower. He almost thought you left, until he heard your humming from the other room. You were singing to yourself, a habit you picked up often doing casual things like laundry or spring cleaning. He missed the nonchalance of your presence and as he walked towards the door and found you making his bed, he missed it even more. Missed you even more.

You finally noticed that you weren’t alone, looking up to see him in the doorway and you smiled towards him. “Oh, hi.” You said and he walked into the room, looking down at his newly made bed. “Are you feeling better?”

He didn’t answer verbally, just shrugged.

You didn’t know what to say to that. Instead, you look down at his perfectly made bed and say, “Why don’t you get some rest?”

Spencer nods at you weakly and gets under the covers. You almost want to tuck him in, like he’s a child, but you refrain from doing so. You look down at him and felt like you’ve done everything you could for him. Made sure he showered, tidied his apartment. Surely he’s sick of you being here now.

You ease the awkward tension, sucking in a breath and patting your knees. “Well… I’m just… gonna… see myself out. Get all of the rest you can, Spencer. No rush to come back, just take your time.” You assure finally and silently plead him to ask you to stay longer. Because you don’t exactly feel accomplished at the fact that you haven’t done anything except ask him to take a shower and clean his apartment. It didn’t really feel like a win. Instead, you felt more heartbroken for Spencer.

And somehow, by some miracle, you felt him grab your hand and you turned to face him and his gleaming eyes. “Can you…” The words trailed off from his lips as he stares into your eyes. “Can you stay?” You look at him, with wide eyes. It was like he read your mind. “Please?”

You look at him and try to maintain your composure as much as you can. Because this is the first time he’s asked you to stay the night since you two were together. “Yeah, of course, Spencer.”

He moves towards the other side of the bed to make room for you and you’re shocked by the gesture. You hadn’t shared a bed with him since you were together, either. You sit up against the headboard and he gravitates towards your thigh, resting his head on it and closes his eyes and your hand finds his hair, running a hand through it and trying to maintain his curls at the back of his neck.

Then, you remember. You look towards the drawer next to the bed on your side and wonder. You open the drawer and sure enough, there it was. The brown comb you left behind. You often used it to brush his hair, especially when it was shaggy down his shoulders and he’d often rest his head on your thigh like he was doing now and you’d run your hand through his locks until you’d finally bought a comb. It surprised you that he still kept it. You would’ve thought it ended up in his ‘Y/n box’ like how everything of his ended up in your ‘Spencer box’.

And like second nature, you began to brush his damp locks with the comb, trying your best to angle your arm to not interrupt his rest. You softly smiled at the scene, his eyes closed and nose scrunching every few minutes or so.

You’d suspected that maybe he’d fallen asleep to you combing his hair because his breathing evened and he was quiet with his eyes still remaining closed. But you still found yourself still combing through his hair despite getting the tangles all out.

“I miss her,” He admitted and for a moment, you stopped your movements, not only because his words shocked you but also because you thought he was asleep. “I miss Maeve.” He added and you notice as his lip quivers at his own mention of his dead girlfriend and you do everything in your power to keep your lip from doing the same.

“I know.” You say, your voice so soft and nurturing as you continued to comb through his hair.

Spencer doesn’t say anything else but you were glad he’d spoken out just what he was feeling in that moment. You lean against the headboard, wishing to say more but what Spencer really needed right now was someone in his corner, not someone who wanted to give their own opinion about the situation or relate to him — just someone to listen to him.

You continue brushing until you finally decide that his hair is silky smooth and place the comb on the table next to you and look down at his resting face and instead of the frown you’d seen earlier, you finally see some sort of look of peace. Of course, the sadness is still etched on him from a mile away. But you glad to grant him some form of peace in a time where he’s most desperate of it.

You begin to run your hand through his hair, massaging his scalp like you often used to do when you were together. And for a moment, it’s like you two are dating again and it’s like it’s casual, like you’ve done this before — which you have. But it’s been so long, you never thought you’d be in this position again.

Eventually, he falls asleep on your thigh and his soft breathing is more even than it was before and his mouth is slightly parted as he sleeps. And you don’t care about the crick you’re going to get in your neck from this headboard, you don’t care that your leg is dead and that your pant leg is slightly damp from his wet hair. What matters more than anything right now is him getting the rest he deserves.

And what mattered more than anything and your goal was that Spencer was going to fight through this gaping hole of darkness and find his light eventually. And somewhere deep down inside of you, though you’d never admit it out loud — you hoped that that light was you.