#gets very blasphemous very quickly

[cryptids-and-muses]

Absolutly unhinged discussion my girlfriend and I had last night after reading this analysis post by @huginsmemory about trigun and Christianity

[angelwithdemonictendencies]

my palms ran red turning over jagged rocks, thought i'd find some kind of sign; you pressed your mouth to my wound, weren't your bloody lips sign enough?

qh43 x reader: you really have to stop meeting like this.

(warnings: mostly plot, but also blasphemous filth (yes, we're back on the smut train), unprotected penetrative sex (m on f), fingering, hair pulling (i haven't changed), choking (i really haven't changed), descriptions of self-doubt and shame and all my typical stuff. mostly tension building (10k words worth), general debauchery.  please be warned, don’t read if you’re not 100% sure.)

(a/n: oh my god, favorites. i hadn't read this one in so long, so thank you for allowing me an avenue to rediscover it. i'm so happy you're getting to rediscover it now, too. if you want a song to listen to that i think goes with this story really well, give BONES! by girly teeth club a try :) i do genuinely believe that this story was a real turning point for me, and it holds a very special place in my heart because of that (i had the line then who was i praying to? well, who answered? taped to my computer for a long, long time. personal favorite of mine). i hope you enjoy this one again, and also hello to the followers and readers who have no idea what i'm talking about when i bitch and moan about my old account. i see you, and i love you, and i'm so eager to hear what you think. enjoy mechanic qh43 and all of the mythical divine powers that he inspires within me. to the seven people who care, more ol and rus coming momentarily. sunday is now my designated tumblr day, so if you want to chat, sunday is your best bet. i love you and your snakes! be kind to yourself).

like most all-consuming things, it started with something insignificant.

if your tail light had never gone out during the summer before your third year at university, perhaps none of it would have ever happened. part of you wanted to believe that some determined power would have guided the two of you together no matter what, but most of you thought the powers of the world to be nonchalant at best, hostile at worst.

regardless, your right tail light went out a few weeks before school started, and despite your intense unwillingness to spend money on your car, your mom insisted that you get it fixed.

"that family auto shop will do it quickly," she suggested, "the one a few streets down from school."

so here you were, standing uncomfortably in the lobby of the mechanic's, less than soothed by the harsh noises that echoed through the small garage.

you cleared your throat, attempting to get the attention of the teenage receptionist, probably the daughter or cousin of the owner, currently on her phone.

she looked up immediately, smiled wide, full of braces and friendliness. "sorry," she said, only a little guilty to be caught on her phone. "how can i help you?"

you smiled right back at her, immediately put at ease by her presence. "my mom called earlier," you said. you went to continue, but were enthusiastically cut off.

"miss tail light!" she exclaimed, to which you laughed and nodded. "have a seat," she urged, "quinn should be out in a minute, and that's a quick fix."

you nodded and sat down, then crossed your legs as you waited, bouncing one foot against your other calf. you looked at your hands, twisted one ring around your finger.

"you're the tail light?" a low voice called from the lobby entrance, forcing your gaze up from your hands to meet a pair of eyes that somehow swam with both steel and uncertainty.

this newcomer, quinn, supposedly, confirmed by the embroidered patch on his breast pocket, seemed to be immediately off-put by your matching gaze, as he shoved his wide hands in the pockets of his coveralls and blinked several times, a bit too fast.

his confusing mannerisms, combined with his curious combination of handsomeness and beauty, forced a small smile to your face as you stood up.

he really was pretty like you had never quite seen before, tall but not menacingly so, broad across the chest in a way that just looked warm, his coveralls hanging off of him, drawing attention to his frame, his thighs, his arms.

his hair was messy, curling only slightly at the tops of his ears, his cheekbones and jawline so, so sharp, but his nose and mouth softly curved.

you cleared your throat again when you realized you were probably staring.

"i suppose i am," you said, answering his question, approaching him and the door, by extension.

he gave a forced nod before turning to leave, urging a fluid reaction from the muscles in his neck and shoulders, which you pretended not to notice as you walked behind him.

in a choppy, sudden motion, he made to hold the door open for you, arm extended but gaze averted.

"thank you, quinn," you said, trying out his name, surprised to find how natural it felt on your tongue, something like a hymn a past-life you must have sang with unmatched conviction.

he seemed just as surprised as you, practically tripped over his own feet before quickly recovering. you bit your lip to stifle a laugh.

"should only take a second," he said as he crouched down next to your car, his voice a bit rougher than before, pulling a couple of tools and bulbs from his many pockets.

"take your time," you said, sitting down nearby as he got to work, and you meant it, feeling a somewhat shameful urge to just watch him. just look at him.

you fumbled to distract yourself, settling on looking interested in your phone. in reality, it took real effort to keep your eyes down, away from him, when you felt as if he emitted some kind of magnetic force suited only to you.

it felt like an eternity, but it took all of ten minutes, a couple swift motions, and he was done, rising again to his full height and turning to face you.

you allowed yourself to meet his eyes and it felt like a heaving exhale. "all done?" you asked, rising as well, willing brightness into your voice.

he nodded in affirmation, and you could have pouted. a man of few words, it seemed, and how you wished he would give you a few more.

he wiped his hands with a rag, and you refused to let your eyes follow the motion. "so i should pay..." you started.

he nodded towards the lobby. "you can pay with bean," he said, gruff.

you grinned right at him, and anyone else would have seen his gaze soften from stone to molten rock. "bean?" you asked.

the slightest smile took over his mouth. "my cousin," he said, slowly, "at reception."

you hummed, comforted by his sudden ease. "well then," you said, "i'll go check out with your cousin bean."

"i'll walk you," he blurted out, a blush coming to tint the tops of his ears in a positively dreamy sort of way.

so you walked the several steps back to the lobby together, the silence so comfortable you could have sighed, fallen asleep wrapped up in it.

already you felt some sense of loss creeping in, knowing you were probably never going to see him again, knowing this was all you were going to get. just a couple of glances and words and blushes, that's as far as this would go. and it made a lot of sense, but logical reason grew over your hazy, momentary crush like ivy on a brick building.

he held the door open for you again, and as you walked past him this time you looked up into his eyes. stone and steel and ivy.

you thanked him again.

"quinn?" came that delightfully girlish voice from behind the desk, this time intensely confused. "what are you doing?"

he stood in the door frame, his swallow almost cartoonish. "just making sure she checks out okay," he mumbled, not quite looking anyone in the face.

the girl smiled so wide, you could see she had chosen to make her braces purple last time she visited the orthodontist. "you've never done that before, is all," she observed with all the subtlety of a volcanic eruption.

was that pink tint creeping past his ears to his neck, now?

"do it plenty," he muttered, less than convincing and more to himself than anyone else.

the girl shot you a knowing look before turning to her cousin again. "if you say so," she relented. "miss tail light is in good hands with me, now, so you're all set, mr. random acts of kindness."

quinn muttered something under his breath before making to leave, embarrassment still flushing just under his collar.

the knowledge that this was it, this was all this would ever be, that's what made you reach a hand out to lightly grasp his forearm, stopping him where he stood.

you swore some kind of divine warmth rose to meet your hand.

he looked down at where your fingers met his arm before meeting your gaze. molten, yet again. he didn't move, didn't dare to scare off your touch.

"thank you again, quinn," you said, just to him.

a pause charged by meaning sparked between you both.

maybe some minuscule fraction of your heart feared he would push you away and roll his eyes, mumble something about personal space. or maybe that disgust would flood his lovely gaze, and he would say something much meaner.

you should never have touched him, you scolded yourself, stupid, desperate, foolish girl. you began to lift your hand away when his rough voice became a whisper, just for you.

"anything, doll," he said. and then he walked away, leaving his words to rattle around in your head like the whirring noises around the garage.

you paid, laughed playfully with the young receptionist as she insisted she had never seen her cousin so embarrassed, and especially not so bashful.

"i'm sure that's not true," you said, trying in vain to force your sky-rocketing hopes back to earth.

"oh, it is," she said as you made to leave, giving you a big smile and a wave as you bid her goodbye.

as you drove back home, those tendrils of reason crept back again, began to suffocate the dreamy romance that had settled like a glittery mist in your head.

you gave a single exhale, breathing out any unrealistic expectations. you'd probably never see him again, you admitted to yourself, and you tried to convince yourself that you were fine with it.

and so you let the image of steel and stone and ivy become a phantom in the back of your mind, along with the scorching solidity of his forearm underneath your delicate palm.

you'd never see him again, you believed.

in theory, you knew you could have had one of your friends find him on social media, it probably wouldn't have been too hard. a first name, an occupation, they'd tracked down fleeting flings and past crushes with much less information to go off of before.

but you didn't like the idea of interference, much preferred the way he looked in your memory to the fear that he would be someone very different online, that he would be someone different than the person that now existed exclusively in your head.

you were never supposed to see him again, and yet you did, and just as you had almost forgotten the way his shoulders moved when he walked, too.

three weeks later, just before you went back to school, you were eating dinner outside with your family at the country club they belonged to. you had been there maybe twice in the last couple of years, as your mom worked long hours and your dad only really used his membership for golf.

now, though, sitting outside, overlooking the course, in the pleasant air of the late summer, you were glad you were here, enjoying these last few moments with your family before you began your third year.

you were laughing at a joke your mom had made when you heard someone close by call out, "that's my marker, quinn!"

something distant fluttered in your stomach as you registered the name, tried so hard to not care if it was him or not. trying so, so hard to not care, but you cared so much it felt as if you might have willed him into existence yourself, wanted him enough that even the uninterested powers were forced to relent with a bored sigh.

so, in truth, you knew it was him even before you turned and focused on the hole just below the patio.

you knew it was him, and yet you were wholly unprepared for the way your head spun when you registered his familiar figure.

as if compelled by your gaze, or by something else worth worshipping, he turned, too, and there you were, staring at each other. did he recognize you the way you did him? the way you recognize your first lover's cologne? the way you recognize what's waiting behind a door with a scalding doorknob?

but then he took a hand off of his club and gave a timid wave, and you felt your body relax as you waved back. he paused for a moment as if in thought, then motioned towards him, silently asking you to come down.

"who is that?" your mother asked, not critical, only curious.

"my mechanic," you answered, "be right back, promise."

so, even though it was probably (definitely) against the rules, you made your way down to the impeccably cut grass, holding your shoes in one shaky hand.

you waved again as you approached him at the edge of the green, his friends gathered closer to the hole, talking animatedly amongst themselves.

he tilted his head and gave you a small smile, which gave you wings. a smile, and you hadn't even done anything!

"hi, quinn," you said, getting your first good look at him up close, and this time not in coveralls. this time in a polo that brought out his eyes and shorts that had you straining not to stare at his thighs.

"doll," he greeted, that ghost of a smile still on his full lips. "thought that was you."

heavy uncertainty suddenly settled between the both of you. what were you supposed to say? what was he supposed to say? what do you do with time that feels stolen?

"didn't think i'd see you again," you landed on, then physically cringed at yourself. "not that i was thinking about you, or anything," you added, then pursed your lips in a line.

awesome save.

he let out a laugh, though, and it shook his shoulders and lit up his face in a way that made it impossible to regret your rambling.

his laugh made him look human in a way he hadn't really, before, at the garage. it stripped back all the flowery expectations your imagination had buried him in and set him down here, in front of you, a real person.

a real person, who, in this summery light, was much more unabashed and generous with his smiles. his eyes had a softness to them that you hadn't noticed before.

"i wish you had, then," he said, in that deep, low, voice with a confidence that didn't quite suit him, like he was just trying it on.

it almost made you drop your shoes, regardless.

"yeah?" you asked, tilting your head and letting your satisfaction drench your face like sunset light.

he gave a little nod.

"c'mon, huggy!" one of his friends called. what do you do with time that feels stolen?

he looked back at them and his jaw clenched, for a second.

you knew you had to be the one to walk away, or it would haunt you like some ancestral debt.

"maybe i'll see you again, then, quinn," you said, your tone not conveying the desperate hope you felt.

he looked you up and down, amusement alight in his eyes. it seemed his nervous demeanor existed only in his coveralls. "you willing to take your chances on a 'maybe,' doll?"

were you?

you silently begged those distant forces to prove your hopes were not futile, but you didn't really believe that. you were headed to school in just two days, and who knows where he was headed, this mysterious mechanic who liked to golf and had eyes like a deity.

you knew you were on stolen time, and that this, again, was as far as this would ever go.

"we're going!" his friends called.

"i hope i see you again, quinn," you amended, already feeling a sense of loss again. but you had to be the one to walk away, so you began to.

his face was unreadable, some mixture of disappointment and interest and knowing.

"think about me some more this time, yeah? until you see me again?"

your smile glowed. "if 'm honest, quinn, that'll be hard," you said, thinking about how he had been a constant in your mind for the last couple of weeks. you leaned into your flirtatious side since you were both moving apart. it was always easiest when you were on the way out.

he ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek. "try extra hard for me, would you, doll?"

and for a moment, time seemed to ooze like amber. a blink felt like eternity, like you were both suspended in an hourglass.

"promise," you said. it came out like a whisper, but it felt like you screamed it across an open expanse.

and so you parted ways a second time, practically daring the universe to stop you from meeting again.

do whatever you want, universe, you seemed to say, i don't care! i'm fine with the story ending here!

oh, sweetheart, the universe seemed to say, yawning, barely looking at you, then why do you clutch at the book until your fingers bleed?

you could have scowled.

and, just as he wanted, and just as you were afraid of, he was there, in the back of your mind, for several weeks into the school year.

everything started smoothly. you were happy to see your friends again, to be living with them. classes started well. you went out when you wanted to. you began your regular job, tutoring other students in classes you had already taken. it was nice to see the students you had helped out last year, to continue helping them.

teachers referred you to help students who were struggling in their classes all the time, so it wasn't anything significant when one set up a time for you to meet at the library with someone who wasn't quite getting intro to calculus.

it was significant, however, when you opened up the reserved study room door to see quinn sitting at the table, textbooks out in front of him.

so significant, actually, that it genuinely scared you. "jesus," you muttered, exhaling and placing a calming hand over your heart.

he looked up when he heard the door open, and you were frozen in place.

this is what you wanted, right? the universe probably asked, bored. now will you leave me alone?

"i was not expecting you," you admitted, willing your heart back to beating normally.

you couldn't read him, yet again. and yet again, you felt as if you had wanted him hard enough that even the fibers of the universe were annoyed enough to comply.

ugh, they probably said to each other, just give that desperate fool what she wants! i'm tired of hearing her pleas!

but you could have sighed at how beautiful he looked, this time different again - sweatpants and a t-shirt and messy hair. soft looking and sleepy after a day of class and whatever else.

"yeah?" he asked, although he hadn't expected you either. he wasn't shocked the way you were, though. only pleasantness played across his full features. "who were you expecting?"

not you, you wanted to say. things just don't work out like this for me. "i didn't know you went here," you said, simply.

"i didn't know you were a tutor," he replied, leaning back in his chair.

i didn't know your smile gets lopsided when you're tired, you thought to yourself. you could never forget that, now.

"safe to say we know very little about each other, doll," he added, as if he could hear your thoughts.

and he was right - you hadn't asked him anything about himself the last two times you saw him, and he didn't know anything about you. how easy would it have been at the course to say you were going to the local university in a couple of days. why had you not?

why had you relinquished control so easily?

it practically pained you to think about that, just as it was practically painful to look at his face head on, eyes weary with sleep yet bright with amusement, so you decided to solve both of those problems.

"well," you said, sliding into the seat next to him at the table, excruciatingly aware of your closeness, "what do you know about derivatives?"

he gave a huff of a laugh. "probably even less," he said.

you gave him a smile and started to go over your notes with him. the more you spoke, and the deeper you got into the topic, the easier it was to be close to him.

you were still hyperaware of his warmth, his presence, his beauty, his being, but you could do this. getting lost in your purpose here instead of getting lost in him.

after about an hour of you explaining derivatives, you looking at your notes, and him looking at you, you shut your textbook.

"i think that's good for a first session, hm?" you asked, turning to face him and hugging one knee to your chest.

he held your gaze as if studying your face. it felt like being center stage, under a white hot spotlight.

he spread his legs out and reached his arms up, stretching after sitting in the same position for a while. you had to look down at your hands.

"five more minutes?" he asked like a kid begging for an extended bedtime. only now he was asking for more time with you.

you scrunched up your nose, which made him smile, a bit. "can i ask you a question, quinn?" you asked. "since we don't know anything about each other."

"only if i get one, too," he answered.

you thought carefully, flexed your hand on your knee as your gaze met his sleepy one. "it's not that late," you started, "why are you so tired?"

he laughed again, making your chest sing. "busy day," he answered, "had two classes, practice, and a lift."

and as he elaborated you added to the carefully protected vault in your mind of information you knew about him. he played hockey for the team here, he was a defensemen, he was always busy.

"my turn," he said after he was done, low like a secret.

you nodded, forced away the flush his tone alone was able to pull from you.

"did you keep your promise?" he asked.

of everything he could have said, you were least expecting that. of course you knew what promise he was referring to immediately. of course it felt like something abominable to tell him the truth.

suddenly the space between the two of you felt much too little, much too dangerous. so small that you could see each of his eyelashes, he could see the way your eyes dropped to his mouth for a second.

there was something in his eyes that surprised you, though. there was a trace of those nerves you had seen in him that first day - that instability and uncertainty. he wanted you to say yes, you realized. he wanted it so, so much.

"of course i did, quinn," you soothed, leaning forward onto your knee just a bit. it was always easiest on the way out. "did you have any doubts?"

did he let out a breath? his silence spoke for him. still, you had to be the one to walk away. you couldn't afford any more ghosts.

"same time next week?" you asked, gathering your things.

"not gonna leave it to chance this time, doll?" he asked, getting his things together too, but in a lazy sort of way. his hands moved slowly, reluctantly.

you tried not to stare at them.

you gave him a last look before you left.

"do you want to leave it to chance?" you asked, genuinely.

ugh, chance seemed to say, can't you just do it yourself?

his molten gaze dripped over you like honey. "no," he decided, "no, i wouldn't say that's at the top of my wishlist."

you didn't ask what was.

so, each tuesday night, you tutored him in calculus. and each tuesday night, you learned more about him, and he learned more about you.

you learned about how he got into auto mechanics (he never grew out of his childhood truck phase), why he liked golf (really just an excuse to talk with his friends for a couple of hours), what was so special about hockey (it felt like he could see things that others just couldn't). his favorite candy (sour skittles), his favorite color gatorade (red), his favorite t-shirt (a worn in concert shirt from high school).

but you also learned that he got shy when you complimented him, that he ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek when he was about to say something that made you blush, that he got more confident as he got to know you.

his nerves only came out when he grew unsure, and you did your best to make him so, so sure.

and he did get to know you. how you got into your major (data analysis was the family business), why you applied yourself so vigorously in your classes (you didn't know any other way), all about your close friends and family. your favorite soda (cherry coke zero), your favorite frat (pike, only because a couple of your friends were dating brothers there, and they had the goofiest themes), your favorite snack (pretzel goldfish).

he was nothing if not observant, too, so he noticed that you had a special smile for when he got a question right, and that you only wore your hair up when you were extra tired, and that, towards the end of the session, when you were caught off guard, you would lean a little closer to him without realizing.

that was his favorite. when you would lean into his space, just a little more, as if you were pulled towards him by a magnetic force.

and each session, you made him a little more confident, and he made you blush a little bit more. until you both felt utterly comfortable with each other, like you had known each other for ages.

well, as comfortable as you could feel with a person who made you feel like every inch of your skin was on fire. as comfortable as you could feel with someone whose voice made your throat go dry, whose hands made you stutter, whose mannerisms made your stomach flutter.

one tuesday night, late into a session where he had told you he had passed his quiz with flying colors, he twisted his pen in his hand.

"you know, doll," he started, "you should come to a game sometime."

you looked up. "one of your games?" you asked, searching his steely eyes for meaning.

his lip quirked. "yes, one of my games."

here, he might as well have said, have a little more of me.

"unless you don't want to," he added to your silence. "which would also be fine. i don't want to force-"

you stopped him with a hand on his forearm, transporting you both back to that first day. did you imagine him relaxing into your touch, this time?

"i'd love to come," you said, looking him square in the face.

"good," he replied, content.

but nothing could have prepared you for what awaited you that friday night, standing with your friends in the student section of the rink you had never been to.

"how have we never been to a hockey game?" one of them asked, looking around at the crowd.

"basketball's just better," another said, although, to be fair, she was on the club basketball team. "what the hell is icing, anyways?"

"we never had a reason to, i guess," your best friend said in a teasing tone. you shot her a look, to which she raised her hands in surrender. "hey, no judgement," she said, and you laughed.

as soon as quinn was on the ice, though, he had your complete and undivided attention. he skated with a mesmerizing fluidity, hit with a concrete, undeniable kind of force. and he was right - he did see things no one else could see, made connections that you, nor anyone on the ice, could predict until they were already completed.

he was all over the ice, all over this space, he was everywhere. and you were transfixed.

walking back to the house with your friends, they noticed. of course they did.

"oh god, i know that look," one said.

"this is gonna be trouble," another added. was this trouble? was trouble when everything someone did felt like some great treasure you had discovered? was trouble this kind of fire, of comfort, of excitement, of rest?

you shook your head. "calm down, guys," you said. "it's not that serious."

"right," someone said. you didn't believe yourself, either.

"what did you think of the game?" he asked the following tuesday after you had covered enough material to be satisfied.

you were so close to him now, it probably would have been easier to just share a chair. so close you could feel the warmth radiating off of him, could all but feel his chest against your back.

"what did i think of the game?" you repeated lazily.

you could hear his smile in his voice. "yes, doll."

you hummed. how honest could you be, here? what could you get away with?

and maybe it was your closeness to him that made you bold. maybe it was the heat you saw in his eyes that had you leaning your head on his shoulder and looking up at him. you felt his breath rumble through him and into you.

the air sparked.

"thought you were incredible, quinn," you said honestly. "like nothing i've ever seen."

his exhale was shaky as he peered down at you. "yeah?" he asked.

"mhm," you hummed, your body buzzing with his contact, the most you had ever had. something unspoken settled between you like dust.

"you would come again, then?" he asked, hopeful but drowsy.

you couldn't help but smile, a bit, gaze up at him through your lashes. "think i'd have a hard time saying no to you, if 'm honest."

something like wonder misted across his heated gaze. "i like knowing you're there," he said. "like knowing you're thinking about me."

dangerous desire swirled around the two of you, melting your gaze and blurring the lines.

things don't work out like this for you, a voice said, bitter and mocking, drawing the lines up again, sturdy and menacing.

you cleared your throat, lifted your head from his shoulder. if you could look at him, you would have seen that uncertainty swimming in his eyes again, along with something like hurt.

but you couldn't look at him. at the drowsy slouch of his shoulders, the rugged line of his jaw, the glossy want that practically dripped down his face like starry tears.

i'm always thinking about you, you wanted to tell him. i'm sorry.

but you gathered your things, stood up. "i should go."

he was silent for a moment, looked you up and down, gave a small sigh. "okay, doll," he conceded. "on one condition."

you scrunched up your nose in confusion.

"you agree to come golfing with me tomorrow," he said in a completely satisfied tone. "then, you can go."

a million excuses flooded onto your tongue.

"i'm busy tomorrow," you tried, your voice coming out tight.

he waved that off lazily. "me too," he said, something like a smirk growing on his pink lips. "but we're both free at four, so let's plan on that. next?"

you sputtered.

"but i don't know how to golf," you tried.

he ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek. trouble.

"don't worry, doll," he offered. "i'll go real slow for you."

you flushed, almost walked into the doorframe, quickly decided you needed to leave immediately, if you wanted to maintain any level of mystery or dignity.

"fine," you said, already on your way out. it felt like flames were nipping at your heels, biting at your nose. "i'll come."

his smirk deepened, a different look on him. "don't put up much of a fight, do you, doll?"

"i'm leaving," you choked as you walked out, turning to face him one final time. "what if i just didn't want to come?"

he seemed to ponder this for a moment. "i think," he started, "if you really didn't want to come, it wouldn't make you blush like this to say so."

he didn't ask you to think about him, but by the look on his face, you knew he could tell he didn't have to.

so, the following day, you found yourself on the course with quinn.

a terrible, terrible idea, really.

especially considering the want that filled his gaze when he first saw you, catching on your legs before returning up to your eyes.

"showed up for me, did you, doll?" he asked, a hope you recognized tinting his voice a shimmery pink.

you rolled your eyes, but smiled. "you knew i would."

"thank you anyways," he replied, and his genuineness, his honesty, his straightforwardness, it all made you melt. made you want to know what his smile felt like against your neck, what his hands felt like in your hair.

so, as you both made to tee off, you turned to him. "can you help me with my swing, please?"

his gaze softened. liquid steel. "sure, doll," he said, then lined up next to you and explained his way through it.

you bit your lip. "i'm a hands on learner," you said, which was a lie. "i think i need you closer." that part wasn't.

he didn't adopt a cocky smirk, like so many would have. he didn't lean into your act, didn't pounce on the opportunity to show his superiority. he only approached you from behind and reached his arms around you to grip your driver with you, his hands on top of yours, warm and rough.

you could feel each breath he took in your back, felt the solid plane of his chest on your shoulder blades.

"close enough?" he all but whispered into the space between your neck and your shoulder.

something sinful must have possessed you then. "for now," you breathed out.

he went through a swing with you, slow and fluid. you weren't paying attention, not really, but how could you, when he was just so, so close? was this dazed sensation, was that what he felt when you touched him, that first day? or later, in your study room?

but, of course, the swing was soon over, and he reluctantly retreated off to the side.

"your turn, doll," he said.

you took a breath to shake the phantom of his embrace away, then teed off - beautifully straight and hard, arcing through the air like a physics textbook problem.

you looked at him to find a knowing, teasing look on his face. he ran a hand through his hair, displacing the curling ends as he gave a quick laugh.

you smiled. "call me a natural," you offered, shrugging.

"oh yeah?" he said, tilting his head. "how about i call you a liar?"

you leaned forward onto the end of your driver, grin widening. "how about i call you gullible?"

he shook his head, let out a playful scoff. "like you'd ever have to trick me into touching you."

the rest of the round went by quickly, both of your guards down, lost in conversation and high on each other. too soon, it was over.

it was this realization that urged you to act uncharacteristically - in that, you acted according to what you truly felt.

"can i see you tomorrow?" you asked him as he loaded your clubs into the trunk of your car. you didn't cringe as much as you would have a few weeks ago.

he wiped his hands on his shorts, looked at you with something that looked like relief. "think i'd have a hard time saying no to you," he parroted. his ability to remember things about you warmed you from the inside out.

"meet me at the sig nu party tomorrow?" you asked hopefully. "maybe you can meet some of my friends?"

he looked truly touched. "some of the guys are going already since we don't have a morning lift on friday," he said, "so you could meet some of them, too, if you want."

you nodded, flushed with expectation. "see you then," you said, making to get in your car. "and yes, i'll think about you."

his smile as you shut your door was something of dreams.

sigma nu was not one of your favorite frats. their basement was especially dirty looking, their brothers were on the sketchier side, and the never seemed to have enough alcohol to make it through the night.

but one of your friends was talking to one of the brothers, who also played club basketball. so you and the rest of your group were going for moral support. and also because no one else was throwing. it was only a thursday.

you were nervous. you had only just begun to accept that you were really, really into quinn, and you had only just begun to accept that he might, possibly, probably, be just as into you.

it still didn't make much logical sense to you. when had it ever been so simple?

don't talk about logical sense around me, chance would say, that bitch knows what she did.

when you first saw quinn across the crowded room, chance and logical sense and all those divine powers, they all melted away.

it was just him. his hair was messy and his gaze was relaxed and the lights made it look like his face was glowing as he laughed with his friends.

but the crowd got the better of you, for a little while. you danced with your friends, politely escaped several "so, what's your major?" conversations, and actually spent a while talking to your friend's new talking stage.

as you laughed at something, you were internally surprised. this guy seemed perfect for your friend - they shared so many interests, and he was able to laugh at himself easily, which was something that was at the top of her priority list.

after a while of learning enough about him to approve of him graduating from the talking stage, you looked up. of course your gaze was immediately drawn to quinn, closer than you had seen him last.

closer, and yet farther than he had ever been, because he was leaning against the wall, talking to another girl.

you couldn't really see the girl, but it wouldn't have really mattered. it wasn't about her. she was just a girl talking to a guy at a party. a guy who was, in all technical senses, single and available.

it was more so about him, and how close he was to her, how he leaned down to hear her, meaning she could probably smell his all-but-worn-off cologne.

your grip tightened on your red cup as you swallowed.

before, quinn had only ever been yours, because even when you doubted that he could ever return your feelings, he had never given you concrete evidence that he was interested in anyone else. so even though he hadn't been yours, he had been almost yours, probably going to be yours, or something like that.

but here he was, giving you concrete proof that he existed to others, too, that other people could be interested in him and he could be interested back.

and of course that had always been the case. how could you have been so narcissistic? of course people would foster crushes on him, like you did, and of course he was bound to reciprocate eventually, to someone.

you had let yourself believe that you were the center of the world for a moment, of his world, and you hated that.

so, honestly, it was barely even about quinn. this struggle, this was about you.

but if you stripped back everything external, oh, how downright jealous you felt right then.

so jealous that you had to leave, that you couldn't watch anymore. when you got home, you shut the door and exhaled.

what did i tell you? that bitter voice said, things just don't work out that way for you.

you could have growled, now, at how lazy, how self-centered that sounded.

don't look at me, chance would have said, hands raised in surrender, this was all you.

he was just talking to another girl, logical reason would say, that doesn't mean he's not interested in you. you have what, a couple months of history?

and of course reason would be right. of course, you knew, deep down, you didn't have to let this consume you.

but now a tendril of doubt had woven its way into your heart. if you had been so misled by your own ego before, how could you tell if any of it was real? how could you trust yourself to know if this wasn't much more to you than it was to him?

time. you needed some time.

thankfully, that was doable. you went home for break on friday after class, and planned to stay there for the week.

so you stayed home, caught up with your parents, ignored his numerous texts.

it hurt to do so, but you told yourself you needed some distance.

which wasn't that hard, considering he was playing a series of games across the country. you still put on his games though, which your parents noticed.

"didn't even know we got this channel," you dad observed one night as you watched quinn stickhandle around a sloppy winger.

"when did you get into hockey?" you mom asked, never critical. "we could go see a game sometime, if you want."

you started to settle down a bit, really enjoyed the time at home. before you knew it, though, break was almost over.

"sweetheart," you mom called to you on your second to last day, "would you mind taking the car in?"

you were skeptical. "why?"

"they just called," she explained, "said we're due for an urgent oil change."

you thought it was weird that they would call for that, but quinn was supposedly still away, so you figured it wouldn't be that much of an issue.

"sure," you responded. "i'll bring it in now."

you knew it was a trap as soon as you opened your car door at the garage.

the young receptionist approached you quickly with a guilty smile.

"hi, miss bean," you said, trying to gauge what she was about to say.

"look," she rushed, "i didn't want to, and i'm thought the plan was stupid, and i'm sure you're ignoring him for good reason-"

you sighed, knowing what was coming. having walked right into it. "i'm not, really," you stopped her, then felt the need to clarify. "it's not really a good reason."

"what is it, then?" that low voice asked from your side, and everyone else disappeared.

just him, standing there, looking the same as you had last seen him, but so, so different.

the same, because he was just as lovely as you last recalled. was it insensitive to say that he wore his weariness beautifully?

so different, because he just looked so tired. his coveralls did little to hide the slight slouch in his shoulders. a subtle stubble now shadowed his face, making his jaw sharper. and his eyes. that steely stone that had occupied your mind all this time - it was cracking, desperate for something to hang on to.

"just needed some distance," you mustered. you were jarred by his appearance, by being close to him again, just the two of you.

"yeah?" he looked you up and down, that desperate disappointment now running down your figure. there was no malice in his tone. "why, doll? so you can say you were right?" you could have hissed. "so you can go on knowing everything went exactly as you told yourself it would?"

things like this don't work out for you. who had been telling you that, again?

you sucked on your teeth, had no idea what to say. what do you say to someone that sees right through you? the pause settled like sludge. "i thought you were away," you eventually whispered, ignoring his question.

he ran a hand through his hair, let all his grief flood into his eyes. "and i thought it would be a lot harder for you to forget me," he said, "so i guess we're both at a loss."

you took a step forward, then stopped yourself, almost dizzy. "you actually think i would forget you?" you breathed, practically choking on your words.

he scoffed. "what was i supposed to think?" he rubbed his palm against the back of his neck. "i think everything is going well when you ask me to come to this party, then you spend the whole time talking to some other guy-"

your brow furrowed before you understood. "my friend's new boyfriend," you interrupted. to his confusion, you clarified. "i was talking to my friend's boyfriend."

he blinked, registered this information, appeared a bit lighter. "regardless," he sighed, "you were supposed to be talking to me, doll."

"hold on," you said, the memory of jealousy seeping into your bloodstream, "you were talking to someone else, too, quinn." you crossed your arms, images flashing in your mind of him leaning down, his ear much too close to her lips. "and i don't think that was your friend's girlfriend, unless they're trying out an open relationship."

"i just-" he gave a frustrated gesture, looked down at his feet for a moment.

"you what?" you pressed.

he sighed, now flushed. "i just wanted you to look at me."

you both were silent for a beat as you processed his words. you exhaled, took a few steps until you were right in front of him. his eyes flickered down to your mouth, took the long way back up.

you took his face in your hands, his stubble rough under your palms. you knew you didn't imagine the way he softened into you touch.

"surely by now you know you're all i think about," you said, an offering. like some sacrifice at a long-abandoned altar, so terribly desperate, shamefully honest.

so terrible, the way he grabbed at your hip, pulled you forward, against him. so desperate, the way his other hand twisted into your hair.

so shameful, how he captured your lips with his, all brute emotion, sleepy resignation, a million pleas of "look at me" answered with "i never looked away."

so honest, how he just barely whimpered into your mouth when you tightened your grasp on his jaw, kissed him harder. he pulled so slightly on your hair, you slid a hand down to his chest, gathered the collar of his coveralls in your first, trying to get him impossibly closer.

here, you both were practically screaming, here, have some more of me.

someone whistled across the garage. you pulled away from each other with a jump, having gotten a little carried away. quinn flushed on the tips of his ears and shot the culprit a look, which made you let out a light laugh into his chest.

the little rumble made him look down at you, wrap his arms around your waist and clasp them on the small of your back.

you stayed like that for a moment, just looking at each other. stone, molten.

"i have this thing next week," he said eventually, barely anything more than a rasp. "a formal for the team."

you nodded, reached up, twisted a strand of his hair around your finger.

"come with me," he asked, soft. "please."

you didn't have to think about it. "yes."

and so, about a week later, you found yourself at the hockey formal, an event you hadn't known existed a couple of months ago.

the past week had been blissful, but frustrating - you both were so busy, you with schoolwork and tutoring, him with the team. so much so that you could barely see each other outside of your scheduled tutoring session.

needless to say, you were very much looking forward to a weekend away with him. a whole night, just for the two of you.

and the whole night was wonderful. you were introduced to his teammates, saw a new side of him, heard his laugh so many times it made your head spin.

it was all just so easy. even the mess ups, the uncertainty, the silences, those were easy too, because they were with him.

when he stuttered over telling you how beautiful you looked - easy.

when you didn't know how to introduce yourself to his friends, so you just said you were "quinn's..." and then faded out, unsure - that was easy, because you weren't even really lying. your laugh was instinctual, and everyone else's was, too.

when he asked you to dance, reaching his hand out to you, there had never been an easier yes.

you danced with all the beautiful awkwardness of two people who weren't quite sure what they were yet - weren't quite sure how far they could go. there was not a question of how you both felt, but how slow were you taking this?

how slow could you bear?

every touch felt electric, like a gentle flame ignited whereever his hands had been. you felt a shiver erupt when his hand grasped your waist as you both moved together to a simple rhythm.

so up close and personal, you could smell his worn cologne, feel the warmth from his chest.

he gave you a sly smile, something close to a smirk. "okay, doll?"

you bit your lip, peered up at him through your lashes. "you just look so lovely, quinn," you told him, squeezed his hand, gave him a flushed smile. "it's distracting."

he pulled you a little closer, so that your chests were almost touching as you moved across the floor. "yeah?" he asked, his smile lazy, almost shy. "love a suit, do you?"

you tilted your head, met his gaze entirely and absolutely. oh, how much, how deeply you wanted. hadn't your want seemed to fray the fibers of the universe before?

babe, they seemed to remind you, we never cared.

then who was i praying to? you could have asked.

and they would have only shared a look, laughed like two girls at a sleepover.

well, who answered? they would have responded.

what you did do is give a slight shake of your head. "not the suit," you said. "you're distracting."

you watched his eyes become hooded, felt the underlying heat ignite between you. his grip on your waist tightened. "careful, doll," he breathed out, a warning, a plea.

"don't wanna be," you replied. there was a moment of understanding, a pause of anticipation.

"how slow do you want to take this?" almost drowsy with desire, his voice was slow, rough, only for you. "you know i'd go so slow for you, right, doll?"

you nodded. "i know," you assured him, "but i don't want you to."

you thought you heard him mutter a fuck before he was pulling you from the floor, out of the elaborate event room, upstairs to your room at the hotel. everything was a blur as his hand clasped around yours. a desperate escape, fleeing from everything, everyone except him.

and then the door was shutting and he was pushing you up against it, a hand on your hip and the other on your jaw as his lips met yours in a heated kiss that was every bit as desperate, as longing, and terrible and horrible and shameful as the first one.

you were both too far gone to hold back any longer.

you tangled your hands in the hair at the nape of his neck, felt the curls between your fingers.

he tasted like mint and salt and something earthy.

kissing him felt like barbed wire made of gold, flowery rust, somehow the most violent act you had ever committed, yet also the most gentle.

like removing your heart with a cookie cutter, offering it to him on a painted porcelain plate.

you moaned into his mouth, he hissed just a bit as you pulled at his hair.

he pushed his hips up against yours, hiked your leg up around his thigh, making you gasp at the hardness you found across his front.

"more," you murmured against his lips, felt his sly smirk grow against yours.

he moved his hand from your hip to slide up your dress, glide his fingertips along your inner thigh, just barely skirt across your folds. "like this, doll? so wet for me already," he asked, his voice gravelly. "this must be enough then, yeah?"

you shook your head, moved your hips to try to get some friction.

"no?" he said, obviously teasing, "greedy girl, hm? wants even more?" he brought his other hand to your mouth, pressed his thumb against your bottom lip, smirked when you closed your lips around him without a second thought. "what do you say?"

"please," you whined around his hand, in a voice you barely recognized. "please, quinn."

he answered you by dragging his fingers through your folds once before pushing two into you, slow and deep, making you arch your back up off of the door.

"fuck, so tight," he rasped.

you whimpered against his thumb, closed your eyes as you felt his hand move from your mouth to your throat.

"open up, doll," he demanded. "look at me."

you obliged with effort, wrapped an arm around his neck for support, another one bracing the door as he increased his pace, pushing his fingers in and out of you, grazing your clit each time.

your nails dug into his neck as you lost yourself in the sensation, barely registering the way he groaned at the delicious shot of pain.

"this enough, doll?" he cooed, annoyingly smug at how audibly wet you were.

you vigorously shook your head, so desperate to get him to keep going. "no," you pleaded, "fuck, please, quinn, don't stop."

he tightened his hand around your throat just a little, only barely squeezing as he flattened his other palm against your clit, making you moan loudly. "must be ready for me then, yeah?"

you fisted his dress shirt in your hand, pushed yourself off of the door and pulled him onto the bed. "please, need more of you," you begged, nothing more than a prayer, "fuck, want you so bad."

something lovely flooded his gaze as he moved his clothes aside, pulled himself out as you further hiked up your dress.

he spat into his hand, pumped himself up and down in a way that made your mouth water.

you were practically pouting. "please, fuck me, quinn," you said, pathetic and just so fine with it, "'s all i've been thinking about."

and you knew you had said something magical when he groaned and tugged you towards him by the undersides of your thighs, his grip hot and rough, a working man's grip.

"shit," he hissed as he ran his cock up and down your folds once, twice, collecting your wetness there, "'d never say no to you."

you whined when he first pushed into you, so, so deep that you swore you could feel him in the palms of your hands, feel him rattling around in your teeth, behind your eyes.

he moaned like a sinner, clutched at the flesh of your hips so tightly you knew his fingerprints would be left behind later.

as he began to thrust in and out of you, his rhythm hard and even, both of you could barely form words, so lost in the feeling of each other, finally as physically close as you could be.

"fuck," he bit out eventually, his rhythm picking up speed, "so tight, doll. so wet for me, hm?"

you nodded, clenched around him, reached one of your hands forward to rub at your clit, increasing the pressure quickly building inside of you.

he choked out a grunt at the sight of you touching yourself, only making you squeeze him harder. "feels so good, quinn," you whined, "so deep inside me."

he moved one hand up to your calf, hoisted one of your legs up to change his angle, thrusted down into you in a way that hit a dizzying spot inside of you. he kept going, bringing you both closer every minute.

"shit, feel so perfect," he bit out at some point. "made for me, hm?" he asked as you rubbed your clit faster. "squeezing me so perfect, yeah?"

you hummed something like affirmation, your breathing becoming ragged as he hit that spot over and over, his chest rising and falling, his thrusts becoming broken and messy.

"fuck, quinn," you moaned, "fuck, 'm so close."

he groaned. "gonna cum for me, doll?" he asked, letting your calf rest on his shoulder as his hand travelled down to apply only the slightest pressure to your lower stomach.

the sensation, that unique pressure making you feel him impossibly deeper, sent you soaring right to the edge.

"feel you squeezing me," he breathed out, his own voice tight and rough, his chest and stomach flexing as he fought off his own orgasm. "cum for me, doll, yeah? wanna feel you cum on my cock." he squinted with effort. "be good for me, hm?"

and his words sent you spiraling, a wave of pleasure finally crashing, clenching and spasming around him in a way that triggered his own high.

he moaned as he came, his breathing labored as you both collapsed back onto the hotel bed.

effort and satisfaction glowed on your faces, realized desire settling along his cheekbones and on the cupid's bow of your mouth.

there were several moments of easy silence in the warm air, his hand throw lazily around your middle, one of yours resting on his chest.

"can i ask you for something?" you said eventually, looking up at him with tired eyes full of possibility.

"anything, doll," he said, and you remembered back to that first day, in the garage. how easy it was, now, to remember it fondly.

"can i have a kiss, please?" you asked, almost shy, more so gentle.

a smile already played across his mouth. "especially that," he said, eager to comply with your request.

he leaned down to press a fluttering, beautiful kiss to your lips.

well i definitely didn't see this coming, chance stage-whispered to logical reason behind her hand.

i don't really deal with this lovey-dovey kind of stuff, logical reason said, not my thing.

all the divine powers and the fibers of the universe and such, they were silent. perhaps they always had been. perhaps this was much too far out of their jurisdiction.

perhaps it was just none of their business.

fin.

[gladiatorcunt]

- DO LEVIATHANS DREAM OF ALIENS? | 1a.

this is a low flying panic attack (cybersex is holy)

cw: kinktober prompt (aliens made them do it - bc he asked them too), nonconsensual voyeurism, extreme dubcon, yandere jacaerys, reader has a pussy, 4.6k of porn with plot, getting your back blown out in the 2001: a space odyssey trip scene, inspired by the mentioned movie, old valyria lore and obvious au where the valyrian gods are aliens, restraints, stray mpreg mention at the beginning, world building before the fucking, pussy slapping, piss kink mention

please do not repost, translate, or feed this work to ai

kinktober 2024

2 BC, Gaelithox Star System inhabitant number 616. Subject Name: Earth (Human Outreach Base)

In the wake of doom, the world smoldered. Every realm, known and unknown, was reduced to scalding ash. Except for a volcanic island guarding the entrance to Blackwater Bay by the name of Dragonstone. A century later in his eternal wisdom, Lord Aerion Targaryen set his three children, Aegon, Visenya, and Rhaenys to take to their dragons and scour the vast emptiness for a miracle. In another universe, there were countless bounties to acquire and lush land to conquer, gilded crowns to pass on to the heirs shared between them. However, this was not to be. Visenya’s sharp eyes spotted gigantic chunks of metal in the narrow sea that resembled castles. One was as black as her brother’s dragon’s, Balerion, scales and as all encompassing as the volcano Valyria’s capital city was built in. The other, a muddier brick red with specks of green and even bigger than the former. She shouted to her siblings, pointing and informing them that she was going to land Vhagar on one of them. Rhaenys and Meraxes followed quickly after her, then Aegon and Balerion.

The violent winds assaulted their skin as they dove down, their blood rushed to their hands and caused a pounding sensation in their ears. It felt akin to a leap of faith, they were lighting a match and tossing it onto a pile of Godswood. Blasphemous and crazed. When flayed open, Targaryens are revealed to be plundering leeches with flaming branches for veins. Birthed from white fire, they are harbingers of calamity and tragedy, some say the heat slowly singes their bones and then their brain until they die. Ripping through an ill-omened husk that wails tears of blood and exhales soot.

All three dragons hissed as their claws kissed the unfamiliar material. It was only for a moment, and strangely they titled their heads up and roared into the skies in unison, a jubilant chorus as if they were connecting with the truest parts of themselves. Visenya and her siblings watched in confusion until they were done. Then their focus shifted to the ginormous metal ovals beneath their feet, Visenya and Rhaenys were on the smaller one while Aegon was on the largest of the two. He walked along the cool surface and stopped at what appeared to be a window of sorts, an opening into the inner workings of the beguiling monolith. Before he could consult with his sisters, he tossed them a self assured grin, pulled open the hatch, and jumped boot clad feet first through it.

When he landed with a harsh grunt and the feeling of his bones being briefly jostled, he discovers that the inside closely resembles the innards of a ship. Unlike the traditional boats that traverse on water with their sails made of flax and their hard wooden bodies, this one seemed to be purely metal. Sleek and shiny, light coming from the opening bounced off of his sword as he used it to gain a feel for his surroundings. It was just as massive on the inside, he had the thought that you could very well fit every major family of Old Valyria in there along with their dragons. Though he did not mind being part of the only ones who could benefit from it, perhaps it was the gods' choice to allow only them to survive.

There were many flashy brightly colored knobs, and Aegon felt out of his depth at the sheer amount of them. A command center maybe, a gravelly voice inside him whispered, controls the entire ship and every single facet of it. He would have to explore this specific mechanism further with Visenya, his eyes wandered elsewhere down the hall to his left. The shadows beckoned him forward, and forward he went.

As he explored the ship, Aegon mentally noted the presence of personal quarters, kitchens, places in which one could conduct work, and all the things one would essentially need to live a happy life. It bore familiar cornerstones of Valyrian architecture, winding spiral spires and exquisite detailing. There was even its very own dragon pit resembling the Bojurlion arena that once sat parallel to the palace in the civic center of Valyria, stables and all sorts of riding equipment and armor included. He strongly felt that such a thing surely proved that this was the miracle his Lord father had sent him to find, from the teats of the gods and into the lap of their chosen one. They must have delivered them a shelter and a way to blaze their trail anew, this time the flip of the coin was in the Targaryens’ favor.

To the Targaryens in the long gone days of Old Valyria, survival was a choice when you were doomed to be the middle of the pack, never soaring higher or lower than where the gods put you.

He climbed through the same opening hours later, eager to catch up with his sisters. It turns out that they had an adventure of their own, their ship was similar to the one Aegon had explored, though they described it as having a much lighter energy and a deceptively cozier atmosphere. The three siblings climbed aboard their dragons and took to the skies once more, carrying hope and fierce determination in their hearts. Lord Aerion was relieved to hear of the gods’ saving grace, and in no time at all, their belongings, dragons, and servants were all ushered into either of the two ships after numerous exhaustive back and forth journeys. Remnants of Old Valyria, maesters, descendants of blood mages from the Anogorian, workers from the bathhouses, soldiers who served in the Valyrian navy, and even merchants from the street markets.

It was quite the shock when the ships shook terribly as soon as their doors closed, and gasps wrung out when the main area was flooded with white light as the vessels rose into the heavens and beyond them.

Soon both ships teemed with life, Honorary Queens Rhaenys and Visenya were wed in Dragonstone’s church. They even had biological children with the help of maesters and the ship’s wildly advanced scientific center. A miraculous device allowed their DNA to mix together and be planted in Rhaenys’ womb, with no need for a man’s contribution. Two sons were born, Maegor and Aenys. On The Red Keep, King Aegon found love with the son of a blood mage newly finished with his apprenticeship, and soon they too were wed and bore heirs of their own. Three daughters, one named after Aegon’s first love, a Baratheon. As the centuries went by, these communities in space grew much like they would have on the ground, however they do dock on Dragonstone island occasionally. It was agreed that life would be better spent among the stars than battling to live to see the next day in the dirt. They took all their human ways with them though, buried under their jewels and extravagant lifestyles, their hierarchy and ruling class and debatable penchant for fire and blood.

124 AC, Gaelithox Star System inhabitant number 460. Subject Name: Valyrian Peninsula Cluster (Interior Quadrant)

It is said that The Red Keep eclipses the Earth’s sun but Dragonstone intimidates it, depicted as having a presence so foreboding that any celestial body dims when the insidious ship passes them by.

Hopeful Would-Be-Prince Jacaerys kneels before a marble statue of the Mother.

“There is something very wrong with me, Mother.” His shake, an icy chill floods through his veins in the lukewarm temperature controlled chapel. “A sickness… a hunger… today I nearly bent my servant over while they drew my bath and tongued their cunt, I do not know if their resistance would have stopped me.”

Their tears would have looked transcendent in the reflection of the steaming hot water.

The statue’s eyes glow and emit a monotone beeping sound, standard routine for every prayer and confession.

The usually pleasant and well mannered prince frets, chewing at his fingernail in thought. Artificial breeding is all too available an option, these days one merely has to go to a maester and undergo the procedure, creating almost spontaneous life from the DNA one already possesses. Such things do wonders for couples with incompatible reproductive organs and those that want to be parents on their own, but it’s not enough for Jacaerys.

You could still be distant. There is no corner of the ship where you are free from his reach, but the prince would very much prefer it if you did not feel the need to scurry off at all. He thinks of himself as a wondrously different young man in comparison to his uncles and stepfather, Jacaerys loves you like a dragon loves a sleep. Helpless to the fear of being devoured by his hunger, but he’d keep you and roll you into a cotton ball in his mouth, savoring the pristine hairs left behind in the grooves of his forked tongue.

Wrestling you and bringing your body to the maesters, watching as they plant his child in your womb, would be meaningless to him. He wants to say he’d conceived your children in your marriage bed, as his family had done for generations before him. The advancements in technology had caused a decline in the tradition’s popularity, and that is precisely why Jacaerys wishes they had never set foot for the stars. You’d be more capable of succumbing to him if you were made to endure the pleasure he knows you could feel, without the miracle procedure. You have not yet mentioned a desire to carry children, not that that topic typically is shared between a servant and their liege.

The population on the ship is declining, the Targryens not producing the numbers they have in the past and various deaths in the family and amongst the smallfolk being a couple of the reasons. Madness from a lifetime of staring out floor to ceiling to wall windows of the same sparkly abyss, the traditionalists who spurn the technological wonders of the gods and grapple with complications in childbirth, the murders brought on by cabin fever. Unfortunate events have given Jacaerys the answer, the gift of a perfect reason to have you. To indulge in the murky facets of his soul, nursing from your bitter burning cup of wine and you in turn his.

If he were to be so goddamn lucky as to be in the same room as you, you would stumble out of there with a tummy full of triplets and a bounty of stretch marks.

“I would give all I am and have to be a loving husband, a dutiful father, if you would see it fit for that to be my path.” He bows his head and brown curls cascade around his face, an angel in the mouth of the guillotine. “At least cure me of this ailment if not, I can hardly stand the teasing from my uncles when I lose focus during the training simulations.”

Nightmares are becoming dreams in my darkest hours.

“My deepest thanks for hearing my prayer, I… I apologize, it is rather foolish I admit. I am not sure what’s come over me.”

The statue's eyes dim and it whirs as it powers down upon the prince’s exit. A most trouble occurence for one of their very own, but once this message is approved and received, the Gods will know the apt solution. Dragon eggs are their own star systems too, the cracks betwixt specks of color in the scales their own constellations, and the men born from them are the apples of the gods’ chromatic rainbow eyes.

A ghostly roar nips at Jacaerys’ heels as he strides towards his chambers, kicking off and throttling the silver pipes.

“For what it is worth, I am of the opinion that your brown hair and brown eyes suit you. Being around your family is no different than going for a stroll in the snow, but you stand out as the tree of solace in the middle. Sturdy and warm in its own way, something you rest on when you grow weary of the world around you.”

Your widening eyes are the first things he sees when he next wakes up. Jacaerys is content to consider this a dream until he moves to brush some of his hair away from his face and is stopped by a harsh clang.

The universe is howling.

He looks down to see valyrian steel chains dragging on the floor attached to cuffs around his wrists. The chains are of considerable length, he imagines that he could walk around the entire room and never get the bindings to go tight. His cuffs are so loose they hardly serve their purpose at all, but his flesh stings when he attempts to touch them. They would likely singe his skin off to the bone if he was their true prisoner and resisted. You have similar ones, but as soon as Jacaerys relaxes his chains vanish and he sits up to take stock of the room you are being held in.

Something sort of like an atrium, gleaming metallic tones with high ceilings and a large divot in the floor where the bed you both are on stands. Tall pillars showcase scrolling led screens, high valyrian scrawlings are preserved and repeated in scarlet pixels. The walls are replaced by windows into the vast openness of space, but it is different from what Jacaerys is used to. Outside is a sea of pure black, neon colors make up the waves, they seem to continuously bleed and fold into each other at the midpoint. There are no stars, no planets, but if Jacaerys squints and pays close attention he can just about make out the heavy flap of leathery wings.

“Shh, shh, it’s alright.” The prince whispers, turning his focus to your panic and stroking a finger down your cheek. “If we were supposed to be dead, we would not even be having this conversation.”

“The princeling is correct. You are safe in *indistinguishable*, this designated facility, our audience chamber, so long as you comply with us and our own.” A chorus of deep and crackling voices boom all at once in both of your minds, their syllables and inflections in their speech overlapping and melding together. “We have heard his prayers for your companionship and have decided to grant Jacaerys Velaryon his heart’s deepest desire. For he has raised valid concerns, this blessing is a multi purpose one.”

“Think of it as a bedding ceremony, and all that that name implies. Once conception is confirmed, you will face the brunt of a painful headache as we leave you. When you stumble into slumber, whether wrapped in an embrace or seperate, vessel number *indistinguishable* Dragonstone will house you once more.”

You gasp as the voices go quiet, and Jacaerys knows you must be aware of the feeling of being watched. It makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up, and gives you goosebumps down your forearms. Goose-pimpled flesh that Jacaerys traces with his fingertips, it’s the least he can do to give you a moment to calm down and get your bearings. Perhaps this is a sign that he has gone truly mad, because he can’t find the same trepidation in your expression within himself.

How often do prayers get answered? Yes, having a swarm of otherworldly all knowing beings witness your love making is quite unusual, but there is nothing Jacaerys would not put up with to form an everlasting covenant with you and your body. So he lays beside you, watching the fabric of your uniform shift and swish as you stretch your legs, a bumbling baby deer finding its footing.

He would smile and laugh, because he’d truly believe no one had ever been happier in their lives than he, but you probably would not take it all that well.

You shut your eyes tightly, either coming to grips with the bizarre reality you now found yourself in or desperately clinging to the hope that this was all a dream brought on by contaminated rations.

“M-my prince… this is not how i envisioned this moment.” You murmur at last, your eyes opening to meet his.

He wonders what you mean by that, could you really have wanted him in all the ways he has wanted you? Surely not all of them, but in the most basic and carnal of them.

Suddenly he knows in his bones that is what the two of you are meant to do, that this is so impossibly right that it must be woven in the grand fabric of fate’s design.

Jacaerys tuts and extends an offering of peace, entertaining his fingers with yours, “I’ll be gentle, this is my first time as well. It was not like I could practice without you finding out about it, I did not wish to hurt your feelings.”

Your brows pinch as he speaks, an instinctive coo gets trapped and tangled in his vocal chords. That expression is precisely why he is glad to be relying on scandalous hologram demonstrations and enticingly hedonistic data scrolls, amusingly numerous and often exuberantly descriptive. His confidence is triple what it was once years past, and Jacaerys would dearly love to lead you by example.

Fake it till you make it, but he is cocky enough now to believe you will never have to pretend in the first place.

A lock must have opened inside you, an opening made ready for him, because your brow lines smooth out and you go lax on the bed spread. You blink up at him as if trying to eat your nerves with your eyes by overindulging on the sight of him. Your face must be hot to the touch, as brave of a front as you’re putting on, you are not immune to embarrassment or fraying nerves.

Jacaerys sharply inhales and takes the tentative first step, settling a hand at the top of your chest and dragging it downward. His fingers catch on the buttons in your bodice and he undoes them with only a couple minor fumbles here and there.

“Ah.” The prince groans, peeling back the black panels in your uniform to uncover the skin beneath. “These breasts are wasted on servant rags, they’re so beautiful. You’re so very beautiful, my love.”

Your teats are round and perky things, so over encumbered with themselves that your flesh pushes out in between his fingers as he squeezes them softly. You softly moan and recline even further on the bed, as much as you are able with the chains still holding onto you. Jacaerys chuckles and lifts each one as if here debating on which decorative jeweled necklace weighed more, the rubies or the emeralds.

“Thank you, my prin- Jacaerys.” You sigh, never forgetting your well taught manners, and then gasp, “Wait, do not just grope them like that- Gods-“

Upon further investigation, the ruby, your right breast, is marginally heavier and bigger, but Jacaerys refuses to have favorites so resolves to love the emerald just as much. He rolls them in his palms for a bit before departing with a loving pat to your nipples.

His palms softly fall to bracket either side of your head, caging you in. “Now come, grant me a kiss, your nerves will fade with practice. What is there to be afraid of?”

His voice grows shakier than he’d like it too, a genuine hint of uncertainty shining through. In this he knows, at least, that it would do you a world of good to take your own leaps of faith. It would have been cruel to ask you such a thing when he had been sitting farther away, but now he is oh so close, the tips of your noses brush against each other is a shy sort of kiss.

Your eyes flick down to his lips and before he can say anything else, you’re leaning forward as much as you can and pressing against them. Jacaerys is pleased that his earlier assertion of your temperament was correct and turns his head, deepening the kiss and slotting his lips in the empty spaces left by your own as they part.

He laughs when the kiss is broken, airy and on the wings of a more formidable beast than love. The beings watching must already be impatient, for when he presses his chest further into yours, he notices a sudden lack of clothes. As if the Gods had grown tired of waiting for you to undress each other properly, not that Jacaerys minds all that much.

The prince snakes a hand in between your bare bodies, slipping down to cup your mound. He sweeps you up in another kiss so as to not afford you the opportunity to shy away when his digits sink into your slick.

“This cunt is overflowing, is this where it feels best? My thumb is right on your pearl just. like. this.” He teases and sketches tight circles on your bud, shifting his body weight to keep you down when you kick out your legs reflexively.

You keen into his open mouth, a high pitched bottle rocket about to go off and explode into bursts of bright color “Yes! Jace, just like that, don’t stop, oh my Gods- I’m so wet, how am i so wet?”

You ask him about your own body like you’re genuinely bewildered and Jacaerys is so charmed, so in love. He wouldn't peg you as the type to go a long while without slithering your hands up your skirt and delivering an unsatisfying orgasm, this much liquid must be drowning you. He takes his sweet time, flicking and playing your pearl in an obsessive fashion, taking your plush breasts into his mouth as his tongue lavishes them in saliva.

You’re making such melodic sounds, one of the songbirds must have escaped from the automated menagerie and fluttered their wings into his arms. Pinks and oranges and greens and purples and oranges spill across the void in his peripheral vision, but this bastardized marriage bed is the only thing Jacaerys cares about. It doesn’t matter that there is no sound save for the squelch of his fingers in your cunt and his rose petal pink lips popping off your tits repeatedly.

Jacaerys has seen many moons during the ship’s travels through the vastness of space, but the way your hips are arching off the bed in search of more of his touch would make any one of them bleed red in embarrassment.

Amused, he teases you now, slowing down his concentric circles into loose ringlets. “So this is not enough?”

“Jacaerys, please- You know it’s not.” You glare but still grind your hips up into his hand, not even bothering to address him by his title, he’ll let it slide in this instance.

He dips down to press a few last kisses to your breasts, nipping at your pebbled nipples and sliding a finger into your cunt. He crooks his fingers, going at a leisurely pace and waiting until you’re near tears to insert a second.

“Mmh, who knew i’d come by such a hungry cunny, almost carnivorous in its attempts to keep me inside its snatch.” Jacaerys grins and pumps his fingers, going faster as he slips a third and then a fourth one in, feeling how your walls cling onto their shape.

You’re like a leech, suckling at his flesh to the point of blood loss.

“ ‘m not…… don’t talk about it like that. Fuck, yes- Jace- take what’s yours already, i’m burning up.”

He kisses you again and abruptly pulls his fingers out of you, slapping your clit in one heavy strike. For all his efforts of taking things slow and keeping the atmosphere gentle and loving, you inspire such a deep teasing streak in him. He could never seriously hurt you, but quick smacks resulting in your eyes flashing with lightning aren’t off the table.

You whimper, wetting yourself under the heel of his palm. The intense colors around you swirl into a psychedelic kaleidoscope pattern, rhythmic beeping comes from the pillars and the atrium seems to hold its breath. You don’t notice when your mind begins to unravel, babbling about needing it being too much and you need to pee. Because there’s a drop of shame that your intuition injects in you, something more than being on the brink of a climax.

“You’re so sensitive, my love, did the slaps make it worse?.” He coos, serving you slap after slap after slap, nothing worse than what would make his hand and your mound sizzle. “Good, you can piss if you need to, there is nothing to be embarrassed about with me.”

You’re so cute, he could never understand how people could stand marrying for anything other than love. The worry that his heart will expand too quickly and splatter around the rungs of his ribcage, that you feel when you lay with someone you love, is a sensation he would slay his kin for. He is aware of its luxury, that he is lucky to experience it at all during his life on the spaceship he will live and die in. He sends a brisk thank you to his ancestors for taking yours with them when they departed and took flight from Earth, the beauty of your swollen tits and stomach will honor them.

And oh, how he wants to make you come on his tongue and around his fingers and every other way possible. In the depths of his soul, Jacaerys wants you to feel as if you were falling from a very high tower, a royal with no choice but to fall skull first into the great nothingness of the beyond. The fragments would adorn the cobblestone just like how your tears frame your lashes.

No, the first time you shatter and crumble to nothing will be around his cock. Stardust sprinkled over the void, scattered like ashes.

Perhaps the worst sin Jacaerys will commit tonight is that he is too impatient to continue the foreplay. He knows that no amount would prevent you from enduring any pain, but he also knows that he did not do enough. He, and the celestial Gods hidden in the stellar bushes, wants you to feel the burn of his cock stretching your walls. Commencing a wedding of sorts between your cervix and his throbbing tip.

“W-wait, ah!”

“Be pliant for me and take my seed, stop being so stubborn and let yourself have this, allow it to blossom and it can just be us for the next round, sweetling. I swear it.”

He will guide you through all the details later.

The neon waves crash against the windows, and the led scrawlings on the pillars glitch and scramble and unscramble themselves as you come together. The atrium dissolves into numbers after you’ve fallen asleep for the final time in the chamber, Jacaerys’s hand clutching your belly and your head pillowed on his chest. Giant wings cradle the pair in their center, ghastly creaking and groaning as they slice through the shifting rainbow patterns. Each moon along the journey is full and winking.

Jacaerys thinks he sees a comet fly over your heads when he’s halfway to consciousness, and he traces the valyrian letters for ‘I love you’ into the bloated skin of your stomach.

The chapel has mysteriously changed places on Dragonstone by the time of your actual wedding, the statue lies dormant.

[st4vk1nmybra1n]

I knew you in another life. (You had that same look in your eyes.)

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x reader Wc: 12.6k! Cont: implied fem!reader with fem!pronouns. reincarnation au. Sappy romance with angst, but happy ending! Somewhat fast paced romance, there's timeskips so it comes off as a quick progression. author's note: Both reader and Satoru are reincarnated through different eras and times in reality. (In order) Royal!au with knight!satoru and princess!reader, jujutsu!au with sorcerer!satoru and non-sorcerer!reader, painter!au with muse!satoru and painter!reader. And finally, teacher!reader with satoru. As always, comments and feedback is always appreciated <3

“Satoru, not here,” you whispered hurriedly, pushing your lover, Satoru, away from your face, his feathery lips ghosting over your skin. He let out a laugh, pulling you even closer, his mouth warming up the skin on your neck.

“Why not, my love?” He asked softly, tone fond as he blinked up at you. His eyes were clouded over with pure love and fondness. Holding back a smile, you brush your fingers through his hair.

���And if father calls upon me? Then? Or worse, upon you? How will you know?” You asked in an accusing voice, attempting to give him a stern look. He let out a whine, nuzzling into your embrace.

“Oh, but sweetheart! I only get a moment of reprieve with you in my arms. I beg of you, you mustn't take it away from me!” He cried out dramatically, to which you sigh out in exasperation, lips pressing over his forehead.

“It's very late. You're not supposed to be in my chambers.” You chided, and he sighed, blowing out a puff of air in annoyance.

“How am i supposed to protect my beautiful and dearest princess, if I'm not within her gracious presence, hm?” He asked, voice sassy. Crossing his arms over his coat clad chest, Satoru gave you a look, as if pressing you to answer him.

“Do you wish for the people to create a scandal? The princess and her faithful knight caught an affair?! How blasphemous! I can already hear their voices.” You sighed, sitting back on your bed as you imitated the voices of the people. You truly loved Satoru and weren't afraid to show it behind closed doors, but it was much too risky to be doing this when anyone could catch either one of you, leading to a quick demise to the love you both had for one another.

“Let them, my lovely. Your maids already are at your service and will gladly bring honor to any conversation regarding you and your name. Even if you are indeed involved with your dearest knight, that is.” He teased, sitting down beside you to pull you into his lap. You sigh once more, shaking your head in disbelief. You glance up at him, his gorgeous blues staring back down at you, strands of grown hair falling into his eyes. He huffs, his hair flying up before falling back down into his eyes, making him groan in annoyance.

You let out a laugh, brushing his hair back once more, your other hand tracing his cheekbones. “What would I do without you?” You murmured softly, eyes softening as you took him in.

“Well, you mustn't think of such things, my princess.” He scolded playfully, pulling off his gloves so he can hold you closer. You look up at him, watching his eyes seemingly glow brighter as he looks down at you, like you were everything to him.

Before either one of you could speak, you hear a knock on the door, making the two of you freeze up. You blink, quickly getting up off his lap as you look around for a place to hide him. You hear another knock, making you panic even more.

“Who is it?” You call out, attempting to keep your tone steady.

“Open the door, dear. I brought tea.” The voice of your mother spoke out, making your eyes widen even more.

“Coming, mother!” You reply, dragging Satoru by the arm, hiding him against the wall to the side which the door opened. You quickly turn the knob to the door, pulling it open to greet your mother, successfully veiling your lover.

“Thank you, mother. Are you and father retiring for the night?” You ask casually, taking the cup of tea from her hands, bringing it upwards to take a gentle sip.

“Yes. We have an early day tomorrow, I hope you will sleep soon, dear.” She answers, to which you smile.

You take another sip of the tea, humming in delight. It was a little sweeter than you'd like, but you preferred to have it that way. Not that anyone knew otherwise, they all just assumed you had a sweet tooth from all the sweets you brought up to your room. “Isn't it always an early day in the palace, mother?” You commented cheekily, to which your mother scoffed playfully, leaning forward to gently tug on your cheek. Her eyes glance to the side as she taps her foot against the floor, smiling at your playful behaviour.

“Please. Your day consists of prancing around the village with your knight until your heart's content. You surely aren't opposed to that, are you?” She teased back, watching as you held back a grin, feeling flustered.

“Goodnight, mother.” You sighed lightheartedly, feeling abashed by her comment. She simply nodded, bidding you a farewell for the night. You gently close the door, letting out an instant sigh of relief.

Satoru quickly pops out from his place against the wall, dramatically wiping his brow with a ‘phew’, as he grabs the cup of tea from your hands. He takes a big sip, grinning at the sweet taste. “Something about the tea your mother makes is delicious. Perhaps it's all the love she makes it with.” He mused, pulling you along towards the bed. You followed with no complaints, taking your seat on your bed. He chugs the tea down, setting it by your bedside table. He pulls you back into his arms, laying you down against his chest.

“Say, that other lad, Naoya, was it? From the Zen’in family. He seemed quite interested in you.” Satoru spoke, hoping to keep his tone as neutral as possible so as to not convey his jealousy.

You pause, raising a brow at his words. You had an inkling of what the conversation was leading to. “Prince Naoya? Perhaps. But truly, he's an insolent fool. He's selfish, and very rude to my caretakers. It's unbecoming of a leader.” You spoke, voice laced with irritation at the mere mention of the prince’s name.

“He does seem like the type. I won't argue with that. I think your parents and his parents got along quite well at the last gathering…” he spoke quietly, running a hand through your hair.

You now knew very well of his implications, and you knew he wasn't lying. You hated how things were. Your parents surely loved you, yes, but they would absolutely kill Satoru if they had found out about your affair with him. Even if it meant killing the strongest knight, the only one skilled enough to take care of you, even if it meant risking your safety. They would never allow you to marry him.

They had always implied that they would be marrying you into a strong family, and they would always get upset if you had a strong, opposing reaction to such comments. It made you feel trapped. “I'd rather die than marry a man the likes of Naoya.” You gritted out, grip tightening on Satoru's arms.

“Woah there, princess. You're going to scratch off your knight’s muscles if you keep gripping him like that.” Satoru teased you by lightening up your mood, laying you back against the mattress of your bed. You glanced up at him, unable to stop yourself from smiling. He leaned down, pecking your lips. “It's quite.. sensual, seeing you react in such ways at the mention of other suitors..” he commented, eyes clouding over with pure love and admiration as he leaned down, lips caressing each inch of the skin on your neck, as if worshiping it.

“Say, is your feline asleep? Sound asleep?” Satoru asked, finally addressing your cat, fast asleep in the corner of your room. She was quiet, sweet and very doting when it came to you. As of right now, she snoozes in the corner of your room, brown fur fluffy as ever, as she was quite pampered by you and the entire kingdom.

“Yes, darling. She's asleep.” You sigh, shaking your head at him. Satoru's grin suddenly widens, finding himself and his touch become more daring. “So you won't mind if I..?” He doesn't say more, his hands coming up to cup your face as he gives you a peck, fingers ghosting over your skin, moving lower and lower.

His fingers trailed down your bare arms, to your waist. His fingers roam behind your back, finding the knots to your nightgown. “May i?” He asked softly, to which you nodded, allowing yourself to be lost in his arms for another night.

♡︎

“Your knight is here to see you.” Your mother spoke, tone remaining neutral. You blinked, gaze slowly moving over to her. You breathed in slowly, exhaling shakily.

“Allow him in, please.” Your weak voice had spoken out, to which your mother closed her eyes, tears threatening to spill.

“You do realize you are going to die soon, yes?” She spoke, voice cracking in the slightest. She clenched her fists, gripping a napkin in one hand.

You pause, taking a minute to formulate an answer. You knew that. Very well. But you had wanted it. Wanted this. You'd much rather spend your last moments breathing with the love of your life, than be alive in the arms of another man.

Taking another deep breath, you began speaking. “Mother, I love him. I have for the past few years. And I cannot–” your mother cuts you off, holding a hand up. You silence yourself, deflating.

“I know. Save your breath for him. You don't think I notice every time I come to give you your tea? Dear, the gaps in your door are not that small. I can see him quite easily. And I know my daughter. She loves her sweet things but she much rather would prefer a milder sweet. And everyone in the kingdom knows of knight Gojo’s sweet tooth. You are your mother's daughter, of course i would notice. I'm sorry I couldn't stop your father from taking the engagement with Prince Naoya forward. If only I'd have known it would make you this sick.” Your mother spoke, sorrow evident in her voice. But what was done had been done. Your engagement could not be called off. Just like your death would be impending.

“I'll let him in. At least let me say goodbye to my child.” She mumbled, breaking into tears as she hugged you tightly for what seemed like the first time in months, but what would be the last time ever as well. You let out a shaky exhale, finding some strength in you to hug her back.

“I'm sorry,” she murmured, tears slipping down her face. You couldn't muster the energy in you to say much more, letting her hug you. She pulled away after a moment, wiping her face and tears. “I'll send him in.” She murmured, head lowered in melancholia.

You simply nodded, taking in the room around you. It was around mid December, and as you glanced out the window, you could see snow falling. It made you smile. Your eyes move back towards your chamber, and the sound of wood crackling can be heard from the fireplace. The only source of light and heat in the room you were in. Gone was the large, spacious bedroom with a floor to ceiling canopy around a large bed. Now remains a shell of what once was, with you having been moved into a smaller, cozier room in your final days. The once lavish and large bed for your feline, was now replaced by a few warm, fluffy blankets. Your dear cat, ever the wisdom filled companion, showed no signs of discomfort at such a change, simply sitting by your side every time she felt you were suffering the most.

“You're awake,” Satoru said as he walked into your room, voice uncharacteristically soft. He closed the door behind him, large strides carrying him to the wooden chair beside your bed. You nodded up at him, hand twitching as you glanced at his own. Wordlessly, he reached out, taking your unnaturally cold hand into his warm ones. “Why?” He spoke, voice threatening to break.

“Whatever do you mean?” You asked quietly, glancing up at him, he let out a breathy exhale, shaking his head.

He closed his eyes, swallowing sharply. Your eyes watched as his adam’s apple bobbed up and down from the movement, frosty lashes brushing against his cheeks. He looked beautiful in the glow of the fire. “You were fine a week ago. Perfectly fine. Your reports say so. But as soon as your engagement was announced to you, you fell ill? To the point of your death looming upon you?! Forgive me, my life, but I simply refuse to believe that this is a natural illness.” Satoru spoke with a clenched jaw, unable to hold back his emotions from now on.

You blinked up at him, a small, tired smile coming over your face. “I told you I'd rather die than marry him.” You whispered, watching as a singular tear cascaded down his cheek.

“We could've ran away together, darling!” He cried out, licking his lips as he felt his mouth start to go dry. You sighed, shakily reaching up to cup his cheek, your thumb wiping away the tear threatening to fall from his jaw.

Shaking your head, you answered. “We could not. Escape and go where? To the neighboring kingdoms that knew of our father? Or perhaps the faraway ones that were sworn enemies to our palace? It was no use, my dearest.” You whispered softly, tears welling up in your own eyes.

“And poisoning yourself was the only solution?!” He yelled out, eyes widened in disbelief and sorrow.

“Yes, Satoru!” You yelled back, holding back a cough. “Yes, it was! I'm terrified of being away from you, I cannot do it. I cannot live without you. The prince looks down upon women more than any man I've ever come across in my life. I would have suffered greatly there, and without you couldn't have functioned. I refuse to live on without you. That's the path I have chosen. And it is done, Satoru.” You answered, voice growing weaker and weaker as your body began to tremble with your pained sobs. Satoru reached out, cradling your head to his chest as he wiped your tears, kissing your head.

“And how do you expect me to live, my love?” he asked, his tears slipping into your hair. “How will I live now? Who will I protect? Whose tea will I steal now? Hm?” he asked, clutching you harder to his chest. He felt a sob escape his lips, your head tilting up.

You reached up, wiping his face clean, finger pressing against his lips, swollen from his crying. “Shh, my beloved. We'll meet again. In a life with no restrictions, no rules and traditions holding us back. We'll love freely, and we'll explore this beautiful world without anyone stopping us.” You whispered softly, watching him lean down to kiss your head.

As your crying slowed down, you smiled weakly. “Satoru, it's cold. Can you hold me?” You asked, voice growing quieter and quieter. Without another word, Satoru got up from his place, squeezing into your small bed with your body held against his.

“I'm here, my love. I promise you I am. And I'll be here. Don't worry. You can rest well now.” Satoru mumbled shakily, willing himself not to cry as you truly approached your last moments. You swallowed shakily, feeling yourself wince at the feeling.

“I love you.” You mumbled softly, your throat beginning to hurt. Satoru leaned down, kissing you one last time. Unwillingly, a tear slipped down his face, making its way between your locked lips, the salty taste making you pull back. “It's cold, Satoru.” You echoed, body trembling.

“Shhh, I know it is, darling. I know. I love you so much. I'm here, hm? Just rest, my life. I've got you, always. We'll meet again, right?” He mumbled reassuringly, as you mustered the last of your energy to smile up at him, eyes closing. “I'll see you then, I promise.” He whispered, clutching you against his chest until he felt you go limp.

In the distance, by the large window bringing in the moonlight of the late hours of the night, a small, fluffy and brown creature sat, taking its leave the moment it felt your soul leave its vessel.

Satoru Gojo, if you do not come back here this instant!” Called out the caretaker of said boy, watching him run around the Gojo estate, away from her. She sighed, turning back to the couple in front of her. “My apologies, I'll get him back.” She mumbled, calling out to the boy once more. “No kikufuku tonight if you keep this up, sir Gojo!” She called, to which he froze, running back towards her.

She sighed in relief, turning towards the couple once more. “These are your two teachers, Gojo. She'll be teaching you Jujutsu history, while her husband will teach you how to read and write Kanji.” She explained to the young boy, to which he blinked, already bored. The couple introduced themselves one by one, smiling down at the boy.

“And what about the younger one?” He asked, striking blue eyes staring into the soul of the older woman. She blinked in surprise, though chuckled in response. Of course, she shouldn't expect any less from Gojo Satoru, user of limitless and the six eyes. A jujutsu technique passed down uniquely in the Gojo clan. The world balance had been tipped at the birth of this young boy. It was impressive, to say the least.

She smiled, stepping to the side to reveal a young child, who quickly shuffled back behind the older woman, peeking her head to blink up at the boy. “This is my daughter,” she introduces the child to Gojo, saying your name to him. He simply blinked in response, shrugging.

And from that day onwards, Gojo Satoru had daily lessons from his tutors, taking breaks to play with you and get to know you more. He learned that you had your own cursed technique, albeit very weak and nothing like his. He had to give you credit though, you were strong for your age. Not as strong as him, but pretty strong for an average kid. Though it was clear you wouldn't be taking it further. You seemed to really be well educated on your technique and there was a clear passion in your eyes when you asked him about his technique.

You both would spend your days frolicking around the estate, talking to each other about your techniques and what you'd learned that day. There were a few places within the estate you both were familiar with. The garden with the pristine, white roses, where the gardener would chide you both for getting too close. The spot behind the fountains, where you both would throw stones into the water streaming in the ponds. The spot near the very back of the estate, where a very wise and striking cat you both adored would roam. A fluffy, brown cat, seemingly always popping out at the most high tension moments, easing the atmosphere between you both.

Satoru found himself fascinated by your presence. Someone who was finally his age and not a grown man telling him what he should do and shouldn't do. You were really sweet to him, too. He found it easy to talk to you about anything and everything, something about you was inviting. Unlike anything he was used to, in the Gojo clan.

“Satoru, where's your mom? I've never seen her around.” You asked him one day as you both set out on an adventure, sneaking out of the estate to go explore.

“She's gone. They took her away because she was weak. I don't see her anymore.” He explained, voice indifferent. You looked up, brows furrowed in worry.

“Do you miss her?” You asked, watching the young boy think for a moment. He shrugged, glancing back at you.

“Not really. I never saw her much anyways.” He answered honestly, pulling your hand closer as you both walked through a crowd.

“Hey, what was that for?!” He yelled out, face flushed. You giggled, squeezing his hand. He tugged you along through the crowded streets, not glancing back at you so as not to fluster himself even more. But he could still see you, with his six eyes. He'd never lose sight of you, ever.

You hum in response, pecking his cheek. “That's okay! You can always ask my mom for.. a hug or something if you want. I'm sure it'll be the same.” You grinned, watching satoru's eyes widen as he blinked, a blush covering his face.

♡︎

And so you were fifteen, both early teenagers still playing around and messing with each other. You still practiced hard together, even though Satoru would win more than half of the time. The time had come around to discuss the fact that Satoru would be going to Jujutsu tech for his studies further on, and he had the brilliant idea to have you admitted with him. You were insanely smart, knowing both Japanese and English fluently, and you were actually pretty skilled when it came to your technique and combat. As Satoru brought up the idea to you, you were nervous. But definitely excited for what was to come. Surely, it was a no brainer to have you around, no?

“What do you mean no?!” Satoru yelled out in disbelief, watching as the Gojo clan higher ups outright refused his offer. He was ready to fight for your rights to go to the school, as you deserved it way more than he did (or maybe not more than him.. but still!). The dedication that you put in was undeniable.

“It means no. The girl is weak. With her skill, she'll barely make it to grade 2. She's not worthy enough for it.” One of them stated as if it were a fact, making Satoru's blood boil.

“How dare you say that. She's better than most of you bastards in here! Her wits and skills aren't to be judged by the likes of you.” He gritted out, jaw clenched.

“Only you will be going to Jujutsu tech. And that's final. You are dismissed.” One of the others spoke, to which Satoru groaned, leaving the room with a loud slam of the door.

And as you stood outside, it was like something in your eyes had changed. The sad, knowing smile on your lips only upset him further, pissing him off to no end.

“It didn't work.” He answered plainly, to which you sighed, nodding.

“I should've known it wouldn't. That's okay. When you come back to visit you can tell me all about it, okay?” You smiled up at him, eyes still somber. Satoru stared back at you, his eyes filled with a determination you were absolutely no stranger to.

You reached out, grabbing his hand in your own, interlocking your fingers with his. You gave them a squeeze, reassuring him that you'd be okay.

♡︎

And so he set off on his journey to jujutsu high, with him having arranged living quarters for you and your parents after he'd left. Even though your parents wouldn't be teaching him anymore, he still respected them (mainly because of you), so he had a small living area built for your family, not too far from the estate but not joined to it. The Gojo clan had been highly opposed to this addition, and you knew of this. But they knew better than to test Gojo Satoru, so they abided.

He would often visit a lot in the beginning, telling you all about his friends Suguru and Shoko. You listened attentively, taking note of how he'd grown taller in height, gotten stronger and had started wearing those glasses to help him with his six eyes. He'd shown you photographs of his friends, they were interesting. You were glad to see him get along with them well.

Overtime, he grew more and more busier, being given more missions and more important work. The last you'd heard was before he had set off on the mission with Suguru to find the star plasma vessel. You'd heard of what had gone down, and the higher ups had only pushed more and more upon Satoru.

You heard he got stronger and stronger, how he almost died to a man who had heavenly restriction. He also learned to keep his infinity on at all times, and his reverse cursed technique had improved tenfold.

And so as you sat on a tatami mat, reading a literature book with the sounds of water flowing nearby, you felt the hair on your neck stand up, the impending sense of doom creeping up on you.

Meanwhile, Satoru was busy with a mission to kill a special grade curse, finding himself dealing with a handful of curses at the moment. As he fought, he felt a shiver run up his spine. These curses were weak. It wasn't them, and he knew. He took off his glasses, adjusting to the overwhelming experience of having six eyes. He continued to fight as he tried pinpointing the problem. As he realized what was happening, he froze up, eyes widening. In a blink of an eye, the curses had been massacred, and Gojo Satoru had fled the scene instantly.

Instead, he teleported to the offhand estate on the Gojo clan’s land, finding himself face to face with an eerie silence. Usually, he would be greeted with the pleasant smell of whatever your mother had made, and the sight of you rushing to embrace him. You always knew when he'd teleport over, but not this time, it seemed.

He quickly rushed into the place, walking through the front door, only to be met with the sight of blood, making his breath hitch. With widened eyes, he saw the bloody scene of your parents’ murdered bodies lying on the floor of your living room, and he rushed through the house to find you.

Running into the backroom, he remembers how you were almost always found in the room, reading a book with a cup of tea that had gone cold by your side. And when he entered, he saw your beloved book lying on the floor, covered in your blood. He rushed over to your body, shaking you slightly with trembling hands. “Hey! Hey! I'm here! It's okay! Tell me who did this to you!” He called out, watching your eyes open to glance up at him weakly.

He breathed out a sigh of relief, holding you close. “Who was it?” He asked, eyes filled with panic and anger. His tone of voice was cold, quiet, but the underlying sense of rage was clear cut.

“Who else?” You mumbled weakly, giving him a smile. He knew it had been the higher ups of the clan. They had wanted to get rid of you the moment you'd grown close to Satoru, but you were no force to be reckoned with. Especially with how much Satoru cherished you. They saw you aw a nuisance to Satoru's priorities, questioning where they lied when they saw him spending more time with you instead of updating them on his missions when he came back home to visit. He held you tighter against him, letting out a deep breath.

“You fought back, right? I know you did.” Satoru asked, hoping to keep you awake as he speed walked through the place, pointedly holding your head to his chest to avoid having your deceased parents in your line of sight.

“Made them bleed.” You slurred out, smiling weakly. Satoru let out a strained smile, making his way to the higher ups in large strides.

“Satoru?” You called out, to which he hummed, focused in on his task of going into the estate and killing every single one of them. “Stop.” You added, to which he paused, glancing down at you. You looked up, reaching out to cup his cheek.

“Always knew you'd make it far,” you added, smiling up at him again. Satoru sighed shakily, holding you tighter against him. “You know I love you, hm?” You mumbled, cheek squished against his chest. He licked his lips, finding himself at a loss of words. Of course he knew. He wanted to wait until he was older, stronger, and done with school until he'd ask you out, marry you and live with you. And then he'd let you train more with him, so you both could be sorcerers together.

“I know. And I love you. Swear it. We were gonna live together. Without those damned bastards telling us what to do. If only I was stronger, if only I got there sooner-” he mumbled, to which you cut him off, pressing a finger to his lips.

“Shh, ‘s okay. In another life, hm?” you mumbled to him, staring up at him with a fondness in your eyes. And as he stared back at you, you saw that same look in his eyes as the light from your own had faded, right in his arms.

And so once again, the cat you both had familiarized yourselves with, had set off another adventure, finding no use for staying within the same area after your departure.

And can you tilt your head a little higher? Perfect.” You guided the man in front of you, focusing on your canvas in front of you.

You were a painter, either drowning in riches or struggling to pay rent. You had the higher class as your clients, and you mainly got a lot of people asking for your work near wedding dates, or as gifts to lovers.

Your muse was an aristocrat, a child of one of your clients. It was your client's second marriage, and Gojo Satoru, your muse, had been his child from the first marriage. You sat in the wedding, quietly painting the scenery and the couple.

He had approached you quietly, his blue eyes observing you for some time now. “How much did that old man pay you for this service?” he had asked, to which you paused, sipping your wine.

“I don't think i can disclose that information to you,” you mused, turning back to your paints.

The man in question sighed, shaking his head. “Oh, come on. I'm the man's child. Surely you can?” He raised a brow, to which you hummed.

“three thousand and two hundred dollars.” you answered plainly, to which he looked thoroughly amused. Now, for the time, it was a lot of money. He wasn't too surprised his father had money to blow, but still.

“Think you could maybe sneak in a jester? A clown? Something to add humor to the painting?” He asked, sipping his glass of champagne.

You let out an amused laugh at his words, stopping short as he hadn't laughed along. He wasn't serious, was he? “And why would I do that?” you asked, raising a brow at him. He hummed, as if thinking hard about his answer.

“I'll pay you more. And my father's a scum. It'll give me something to laugh about, everytime i visit his estate.” He answered, as if it was beneficial to you. Well– maybe the extra money was, but still!

“Is that all?” You asked, taking another sip of your wine. He paused, blinking. What else could he possibly offer? Ah!

“I'll recommend you to everyone I know who's holding an important event. It'll be a good way to make sure you have clients coming in and out. I'm really good at convincing people, trust me.” He grinned with pride, finally sitting down on a chair beside you. You sigh, contemplating his words. “It'll be our little secret, I promise.” He winked, flashing you a charming smile.

Sighing, you give into his antics, finding yourself craving a little bit of enjoyment anyway. “Fine, I'll do so.” You mumbled, beginning to draw out a jester in the corner of the painting, by the other crowd of people drawn out. It stood out a little, but not too much. Slowly but surely, you painted and painted, watching as romance bloomed in between different couples as the night progressed, your focus entirely on the painting. And during the whole time, Satoru had been by your side, entertaining your otherwise dull session. As everyone begins to crowd onto the center of the room, finding partners to dance with, you continue painting.

“How about a dance. Just for a break.” Satoru suggested, holding his hand out to you. You blinked up at him, letting out a laugh.

“Dancing with someone of the lower class? Is that not ill fitting for you?” You had teased him, to which he shook his head, holding his hand out closer.

“Oh, please. Who really cares about any of that. If I see a pretty woman, I'm going to want to dance, regardless.” He answered smoothly, pulling you up from your chair, guiding you towards the dance floor. He placed a hand over your waist, the other gripping your hand in his. Your free hand found home on his shoulder, as you both began to sway.

“What a dancer you are, dear painter.” He mused, pulling you closer as you began to waltz. You huffed out a laugh, shaking your head.

You let out a sigh, biting your lip as you pondered on your words. “I learned when I was young. My mother enjoyed learning the ways of the aristocracy. We never were close to such, but i think she'd be happy to know her skills she taught me have come to use in an event such as this.” You explained, feeling Satoru's blue eyes focusing on your face in wonder.

He hummed, finding your words fascinating. “That's interesting. I've only ever known this life. Not much amuses me in this world, honestly.” He spoke earnestly, finding no need to sugarcoat his words. You listen thoughtfully, nodding along.

“Being of the lower class puts things into perspective, I feel. I've learned to compromise a lot of my life, and it's made me appreciate many things in my life. I see myself enjoying a lot of things. But I conceal most of my fascinations. Only because I know it's something that can be easily taken advantage of.” You elaborate more on your life, finding it easy to talk about your life to him.

“Yet here you are, telling me all about yourself.” He mused softly, to which you chuckled.

“You learn to gamble on stuff like this. Even if you ruin my life from this point onwards, it's okay. I've not much to lose, surely.” You smiled up at him, making his heart race. He held you closer, finding himself entranced by you, a complete stranger.

And as the song ended, you both slowly, reluctantly pulled away. And as you reapproached your seats, you diligently began finishing up the details of the painting.

“Ah, is the portrait finished?” The bride approached out of nowhere, making you jump in your seat.

“Oh, yes. It is. Just adding some final details.” You nodded, smiling up at her. She grinned, observing the painting.

She looked closely, a confused frown coming over her features. “Is that.. a clown?” She asked, pointing to the figure you'd drawn, as per Satoru's request.

You blinked, lips parting. You glanced at Satoru on the sides, who held back a laugh. “A jester. An entertainer for a king, a sign of significance. A jester symbolizes prestige and class, i thought it would be very fitting, with the era portraits originate from.” You explained to her, and her eyes lit up in delight, finding the detail to be a perfect addition. She thanked you quickly, walking off towards her newly wedded husband.

“Is that actually what jesters symbolize?” Satoru asked, gaping at you. You simply blinked up at him, shrugging.

“I haven't a clue,” you answered, making the male burst into a fit of laughter.

♡︎

“You've been awfully silent.” Satoru spoke aloud, snapping you out of your trance. You had been focused on your painting. Your last painting of him.

“I was reminiscing, apologies.” You mumbled, painting out the features of his face. His beautiful, glowing eyes. His lips, full of life. His snowy white lashes and hair.

“I'm sure you'll be doing a lot more of that in the future,” Satoru added, to which you winced, lips pursed. “You know we can run away, yes? Start anew. You don't need to do this.” Satoru pleaded, to which you looked away, gaze downcast.

“My mother is dying, Satoru. It's her dying wish. I can't abandon her like that.” You explained grimly, feeling your grip on your paintbrush tighten.

“But you can abandon me?!” Satoru yelled out, brows furrowed in disbelief.

“Yes, Satoru! Because you aren't dying! Because you'll find someone better! You'll find someone worth being wedded to you! Someone of your class, Satoru.” You cried out in response, feeling your heart crush at his expression.

“I don't want someone in my class! I don't want any of that! I don't wish for fancy meals and ballrooms. With you, even stale bread would suffice, for God's sake!” he responded, pleading with you as he got down on his knees in front of you.

“Satoru, my love, I can't. You know how much I love you, I'd never love another. But my mother..” you whispered to him, biting your lip to stop the tears from falling. You leaned down, forehead leaning against his.

He opened his eyes to look into yours, eyes filled with blue. Not just hues of said color, but pure and utter sadness. “Please, sweetheart. I love you too much,” he whispered, gripping onto your hands that were cupping his face.

You felt the tears slip from your eyes and onto his cheeks as you leaned down to give him one final kiss. “I'm sorry, Satoru. I truly am. In another life, I'm sure I'll find my way back to you. You're my true home.” You whispered, pulling him into your embrace to hug him one last time. Slowly, you pulled away, approaching the carriage that stood outside for you.

And as Satoru stood there, watching you leave, you looked back at him. The look in his eyes was one that you'd never forget. One you knew would haunt you when you'd fall asleep beside a stranger you married just for the sake of appeasing to another's wishes. And as Satoru looked into your eyes one final time, he could tell what remained inside was a shell of who you once were, as if you had truly died in his arms mere seconds ago.

Watching silently, a familiar feline sat perched on a wall during the early hours of the night, shielded from the gloomy rain that encapsulated both you and Satoru. The cat observed further, lifting a brown, furry paw to lick clean, fleeing the scene once more.

"Do you know this man, Mimi? Nana?” You, a preschool teacher, had asked two of your students, when a strange man had approached them, calling out to them in an irritatingly loud voice, waving his long limbs without a care.

“Unfortunately,” Mimiko sighed, to which you blinked. Mimiko was the quieter of the two twins, but she could be pretty blunt when needed. Megumi, who had been standing by your other side, simply glared at the male, finding his presence way more annoying than anticipated.

“Hey, that's rude! You should be thanking your uncle for picking you both up!” The man in question huffed, crossing his arms. “Kids these days, man.” He mumbled to himself, stopping short when he glanced up at you. You met eyes with him, freezing up. His gaze had you captivated. You looked into gorgeous blue eyes that held emotions you'd never experienced before, all hitting you within the same moment. Your breath hitched as you stared on, feeling the need to inhale deeply.

The man himself had been stunned, experiencing the same emotions you'd felt. He blinked, snapping you both out of your trance. “Well hello there,” he greeted with a bright grin, leaning back against his car. You purse your lips, glancing down at the three kids in front of you. Nanako seemed unamused, while Mimiko looked mortified. Megumi, on the other hand, had felt his blood boil, standing in front of you to protect you from this insolent fool! He couldn't believe this obnoxious man was making a move on you!

“How about you two sit down inside the car? We can head out to get some fast food?” He offered, to which the girls happily jumped into the expensive car. He turned back to face you, as you raised a brow at him. “My name's Satoru Gojo. I'm their dad's best friend. I'll be picking them up occasionally when their dad is busy. Hope that isn't too much of a problem for you, gorgeous.” He smiled charmingly, looking into your eyes to incite that same moment from earlier. Glancing down at Megumi, you gave him a smile and a pat on the head.

You finally sighed, giving him your name. His grin brightened, finding your name to be the most fascinating thing he'd ever heard, as he repeated the syllables endlessly. “Yes, that is my name,” you sighed in amusement, giving him a smile. For some reason, you felt drawn to him, and you couldn't explain why.

“And this is Megumi. He's one of my precious students.” You introduced the young boy, and he sneered at the man once Satoru met his gaze.

Satoru pursed his lips, nodding his head. “Oh, he looks precious, for sure..” Satoru mused, grinning down at the boy. You gave an unamused glance, huffing at the pure immature response from the man. Satoru blinked in response, clearing his throat.

“Anyways, I think we should exchange numbers, y'know? In case I'm coming to pick them up or you need to reach out to me for an emergency since Suguru might be busy with work.” you glanced up at him in amusement, finding it hard to refuse his offer. You agreed with a small glance towards Megumi, and you both exchanged numbers. You bid farewell to both the girls, then to Satoru as they drove off.

A week or so after, as the kids in your classroom napped, you planned out the next day, cleaning up the room a bit.

Meanwhile, Satoru was insisting with Suguru to pick up the girls again, finding it oddly difficult. “Come on, let me go pick up the girls again! You just rest, okay? I'll handle it, because I'm a good friend!” Satoru reasoned, to which Suguru raised a brow, crossing his muscled arms.

“Picking up my daughters isn't a tedious task, I enjoy it, y'know?” Suguru commented, unamused. Satoru sighed, groaning.

Finding this method to not be working, Satoru attempted something else. “I know! They're a joy to be around, that's exactly why I wanna pick them up again! And again! And again! So please?” He pleaded, to which Suguru sighed.

“Is it because of their teacher?” Suguru asked with a sigh, to which Satoru instantly froze up.

“Psh, no! What makes you think that?!” He laughed out loud, dismissing the thought with a wave of his hand.

“Satoru, it's okay to admit it. I know she's beautiful, I get it.” Suguru assured his friend, finding the truth to be undeniable.

“Wait, you're not into her, are you?” Satoru asked, pausing his thoughts and not thinking about his attraction for a second in case his friend was already into you.

“No, Satoru. I'm not.” Suguru chuckled, finding humor in the situation. The white haired male let out a sigh or relief, wiping his brow.

“phew. Yeah, she's really hot. And pretty. And gorgeous. I swear Suguru the moment i made eye contact with her it was like love at first sight! Like it was like I'd seen her somewhere before, but also not? I can't explain it but we're soulmates, I can feel it, Suguru!” Satoru exclaimed dramatically, to which Suguru simply sighed, shaking his head.

“Just go already.” Suguru shooed him off, watching Satoru cheer and running off towards his car. And so he drove towards the preschool, even though school would be off for the girls thirty minutes later.

“Satoru? You're here way too early.” You mumbled, watching as the man peeked into the room, taking note of the kids sleeping. He looked up, lips formed into an ‘o’ as he nodded, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sorry, I was excited.” He explained as you both sat outside the classroom, and you raised a brow.

“Excited to pick up the girls?” You asked in amusement, to which he sputtered.

“Um.. yeah. Really excited to see them,” He mumbled, to which you nodded at him, encouraging him to continue.” “...and maybe you, too.” He mumbled the words hurriedly, to which you smiled.

“There we go. Not so hard to tell the truth, is it?” You teased, watching the man huff in response. He cleared his throat, shaking his head as he glanced back at you.

“You're really pretty, you know that?” He sighed dreamily, leaning his head on his palm as he spoke.

“Or so you've told, yes,” you chuckled, glancing down at your phone to check the time. Satoru took note of the picture you had as your wallpaper. It was you with your entire class.

“Say, did you always wanna be a preschool teacher?” He asked, curious about you.

You hummed, pursing your lips as you thought about your answer. “I mean, pretty much? I've always had a maternal love towards children. I knew I wanted to work with kids from a pretty young age. I think it's important to shape the youth with kindness, and I know if I can, I should.” You spoke gently, smiling up at him.

“That's really cool. You must be the oldest child in the family, huh?” He commented, thinking hard about what you would've been like as an elder sibling.

You chuckled at his words, shaking your head. “No, actually. I'm the youngest. Never really had a younger sibling to care for, but I always wanted to. So I guess that's probably why,” you shrugged, to which Satoru looked surprised.

“Do you want kids of your own one day?” He asked further, curious about everything to do with you. He knew you had a special relationship with all your students in the class, and he could imagine you'd make a wonderful mother. He can just see it in his future already. The thought made him feel giddy inside, already envisioning your guys’ future family of seven kids! Maybe seven was a stretch, but Satoru was willing to negotiate.

“Maybe? Probably. Really, it's just a matter of where life takes me.” you answered earnestly, glancing around at the view outside the preschool. “And what about you, Satoru?” You asked him with a smile, watching him think for a moment.

“I think so too, yeah.” He answered after a moment of silence, nodding his head at you. “You're quite young right now, yes? I think you're the same age as Suguru and I, he mentioned that one time.” Satoru noted, humming slightly.

“It's impressive, truly. He's raising two kids alone from a young age. And they're such beautiful little girls with the purest hearts ever.” You commented, finding Suguru's parenting skills to be truly impressive.

Satoru nodded along, smiling slightly. “We were all still kind of young when he adopted the two. We were quite stupid and unsure of what to do, but Suguru just played his role instantly. It was admirable, really.” He commented, stretching his legs out.

“I'm sure he's proud of the girls. All his efforts pay off the moment he sees how great they'll do in life. They're really clever, it's never failed to amaze me.” You chuckled, glancing at your phone once more. “I think most of my students are very clever. Megumi has a very keen sense of emotional intelligence, but he's not very good at communicating those emotions. But I know he's a great kid, and he'll do great things.” You commented, eyes softening at the mention of the child.

“Is Megumi someone important to you? You seem close to everyone, but especially to him.” Satoru asked, and you smiled.

“Megumi’s mother isn't present in his life, she passed away earlier. His father isn't the most… attentive to his cares and needs, and Tsumiki, his older sister. So Megumi used to walk to school and back. I've gotten through his thick shell, so I've been taking care of him more often. I don't know how long his father intends to stay, and there's no telling if he'll even come back sometimes from what Megumi tells me about his dad's business trips. And I've been thinking of legally adopting Megumi. By extension I'd be adopting Tsumiki as well, and I'm okay with that too.” You explained gently, and Satoru simply blinked, taking in your words.

He remained silent for a moment, letting the words sink in. “You really care for them, don't you?” He spoke softly, and you gave him a small, sweet smile, nodding your head.

“It's time to wake the kids up. Their parents should be arriving soon, as well.” You noted, getting up from your place to wake up the children. You quietly open the door to your classroom, allowing Satoru to step in. You turn on some of the lights, slowly approaching your children to wake them up. “Come on, guys. Your parents are coming soon! It's time to go home, hm?” You spoke quietly, gently rubbing their backs one by one.

And soon, they all begin to wake up, and you take your time with each child, helping them up and get freshened up as much as they can. You see Mimiko and Nanako continue to lay down, and you let it be, as Satoru was here anyways. Slowly but surely, each child gets picked up by their parents, leaving behind you, Megumi, Mimiko and Nanako, and Satoru. Megumi leaned against your frame, still sleepy from his nap.

“You again?” Nanako grumbled crankily, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“Yes, me again. Come on, let's get you home,” Satoru chuckled, grabbing Nanako into his arms, as the girl clung onto his neck, sleep still overtaking her mind. Mimiko frowns, holding out her arms to Satoru as well. Satoru wastes no time to lean down to grab the other girl, but you stop him, taking her into your own arms. You reach a hand to grab Megumi's hand, and he squeezes your palm as he walks alongside you, more conscious than the other two girls.

“You won't be able to carry two sleepy girls on your own, it's okay.” you explained, shutting the classroom door as you three began to walk towards Satoru's car. You both quickly place the now asleep girls into the car, quietly shutting the door.

“I'll give you a ride home?” Satoru suggested, rubbing his hands together. You smiled up at him, shaking your head.

“Thank you for the offer, Satoru. I've got my own car though, and I need to drop off Megumi, so that won't be necessary.” You explain politely, pointing to another car in the parking lot.

Satoru looked slightly disappointed, but he didn't say much otherwise. “Ah, I see. Well, would you be okay with.. going out to dinner with me, maybe? Or for lunch, or something of that sort. Some other day, of course! When you don't have classes.” He asked, eyes hopeful as he glanced down at you through frosted lashes.

You smiled up at him, letting out a small laugh. “I'd be delighted, Satoru.” You mumble fondly, unable to hold back your adoration towards the man you'd gotten to know. He grinned back at you, silently cheering.

He nodded, letting out a deep breath. “Let me know when your schedule frees up, then? And we can plan something. It's a date, then!” Satoru mused, to which you let out a laugh, eyes crinkling with a newfound fondness. Megumi, who had been silently judging this whole time, let out a groan, eyes scrutinizing Satoru.

“That was lame, dude.” He commented in a bored tone, unimpressed with Satoru's antics. Satoru gaped at the young boy in offense, and you let out another laugh, gently rubbing Megumi's head.

“Get home safely, Satoru.” You bid him farewell, and he grinned up at you, waving goodbye to both you and Megumi, to which the young boy pointedly ignored.

♡︎

I didn't realize you both were the girls’ fathers. Congratulations on your relationship.” You spoke with a serious face to the two men sitting in front of you. Normally, only Suguru would be in attendance for the parent-teacher meetings you had. But this time, Satoru was present with him.

Satoru gaped, waving his hands. “No, it's not like that! Come on!” Satoru whined, to which Suguru paid no mind.

“He insisted on tagging along, I tried my best to keep him out but even Mimi and Nana didn't want to be in the same room with him while I talked to you.” Suguru explained, and you let out a sound of understanding, nodding your head.

“That's alright, we'll just go over how the girls have been learning and behaving, as always.” You nodded, pulling out the files you'd made for both the girls.

Once the meeting had ended, you chatted with the two for a while, until Mimiko burst into the room, mumbling an ‘excuse me’.

“Papa, hurry! Come here!” She whisper-yelled, beckoning him over with an urgent look on her face. Suguru instantly got up from his seat, tending to his daughters instantly whenever they asked. That left you and Satoru in the room.

“You still haven't taken me up on that offer for dinner, y'know?” Satoru spoke after a beat of silence, to which you chuckled.

“I'm really sorry, Satoru. I've just been very busy these days with preparing for school days and all, but I should be free this weekend. Maybe we plan something then?” You suggested, to which he brightened up. You guys had been texting way more often over the course of the last few weeks, but you unfortunately never found the time to actually go on a proper date.

“You barely catch a break, how do you manage?” Satoru grumbled, leaning his arms against your desk.

You thought about it for a minute, though it didn't take you too much time to reach your answer. To see your students walk into school everyday and greet you happily, to be excited to learn and see you again, it fills you with an indescribable joy. It was heartwarming enough when they wrote you letters and brought you gifts, but seeing them come in almost everyday that they could, simply because they felt a genuine love and connection to you and your teaching environment. It made you feel accomplished.

You glance around the room where you sat, humming slightly. “Just seeing the kids walk in every early morning with a smile on their face, greeting me with a hug. It reminds me that everything I do is paying off, and these kids have a genuine joy when it comes to learning. I can't control how they are treated and how they feel in the future with future teachers, but I hope they can think back to this time and recognize the versions of themselves that loved learning,” you answered after a moment, tone soft and appreciative of the children you got to care for.

Satoru glanced up at you, taking in the way you spoke about the kids, and about how much enjoyment you got from knowing that those kids felt loved in your presence. “That's a really beautiful answer,” Satoru commented, to which you smiled at him, shaking your head.

“All the credit for the beauty goes to those kids who've made me feel as accomplished as I do. They truly are wonderful, and I know each and every one of them will go on to do great things.” You added, glancing at the files stacked on your table. You were finally done for the day, and it was time to leave. “How about we go and check on Suguru and the girls?” you suggested, and Satoru nodded, getting up off his chair to check in your classroom and the girls and their father.

As you both re-enter your classroom, you become acutely aware of the lack of presence in the room, with only Megumi standing by your desk, backpack strapped to his shoulders. Satoru gasped at the silence and lack of presence within the classroom, shaking his head in disbelief. “They left me!” He cried out dramatically, glancing back at you, as if asking you if what he was seeing was reality.

You let out a small laugh at the situation, unable to hold back from finding humor in the situation. “I'll drive you home. Or perhaps you can come over and I can cook us a nice dinner? As an apology.” You offered, patting Megumi's head once more as the young boy grumbled at the thought of the car ride back home being interrupted with Satoru's obnoxious voice.

Satoru glanced back at you with delight, finding himself growing excited just at the thought of trying your cooking. “That sounds wonderful!” He smiled brightly, nodding back at you.

You guide him and Megumi outside towards your car, after packing up your belongings into your bag. You three make your way into the car, with the drive home being way less quiet with Satoru's constant chatter. You didn't mind it, even for a moment. But Megumi surely did, and it was evident. He sat in the passenger's seat, not allowing Satoru to have the seat.

“Alright, Megumi. See you on Monday! Call me if you need anything, okay?” You wave goodbye to the young boy, who nodded his head, mumbled a ‘take care’.

Satoru moves into the seat beside you, and you drive off towards your house, Satoru continued to chat about his life, detailing his day to day routine to you.

And as you entered your home, you were greeted by the sight of your cute cat waiting for you. You cooed down at her, leaning down to pet her head. “Oh, a cat! What's the name?” Satoru peered down in delight, letting out inaudible noises at the kitty.

“That's my baby, her name's honey.” you answer as you hang your coat by the coat hanger at the entrance of your home, kicking off your shoes. Satoru does the same, watching closely as your cat purred up at him, cuddling up against his leg. “She seems to really like you, I'm surprised.” You comment, pleasantly surprised by how she warmed up to Satoru. You guide him into your living room, gesturing to the couch.

“Make yourself at home, I'll cook something up. I have my ingredients pre prepped for dinner, so it shouldn't take too much time.”

Satoru hummed, following you into the kitchen. He sits down at the marble countertop in your kitchen, with honey jumping into his lap, finding herself curling into a comfortable position. “I'll watch you. Cook dinner, that is.” Satoru mused, fingers running over honey's brown fur.

You smile, pulling out the ingredients for pasta from your fridge. “I hope you don't mind some tomato sauce pasta.” You chuckled, to which Satoru perked up.

“That sounds really delicious. I've been craving pasta for a while, just never got around to eating it. This is a good opportunity, though.” Satoru nodded, watching as you moved around your kitchen, opening drawers and pulling out ingredients and tools, the layout of your kitchen engraved into your head.

“Ever the celebrity Gojo Satoru, unable to get around to eating pasta? Sounds like a stretch,” you teased, watching him roll his eyes lightheartedly.

“Not a celebrity, just cursed to belong to such a family.” Satoru sighed dramatically, glancing down at the cat in his arms. “Say, where's the water?” I'm thirsty.”

You hum, pointing to the water dispenser you had, then to a cabinet above you. “Glasses are up here. Help yourself. There's apple juice in the fridge, if you want.” You answered, busying yourself with dicing an onion into finely sliced pieces. You continue diligently working on the tomato sauce, while satoru slides up behind you, reaching up easily to grab the glass in the overhead cabinet.

He leans forward, taking his sweet time grabbing a glass. “Which one should I grab?”

You tilt your head up to see his towering figure behind yours, looking down at you with an innocent smile. “Whichever one you want, Satoru.” You answer, resuming your chopping with the male still pressed up behind you.

“Oh, but the ones on the left look fancy..” he whistles, grabbing one of the glasses in his hand, as if making a really important decision. “The ones on the right look like they're more for daily use, but the ones on the left are just cuter.. what shall I do..” he stalls, as if deep in thought.

“Just take the ones on the left, it's fine. The way you're taking your time with this is really making me wonder if it's truly a matter of what glass you want. I'm starting to think you just like being close to me.” You mumble sarcastically, to which Satoru scoffs, shaking his head.

“This is truly a big decision, sweetheart. Don't pressure me to make a decision quicker!” Satoru whines, laying his head on top of yours. You let out a laugh, gently nudging your elbow back into his stomach. He lets out a dramatic cry, leaning against your back. “Ouch! That was mean!”

You raise an eyebrow, saying nothing otherwise. Satoru stared back for a moment, before sighing, reluctantly pulling back to drink a glass of apple juice as he sulked.

♡︎

“So, how is it?” You asked, clutching onto your dining table with anticipation as you see Satoru take a bite from his food. The pasta slips past his mouth, the flavors bursting on his tongue the moment they touch his palate.

He looks up, eyes lit with delight. “It's really good. Really good!” He nods enthusiastically, taking another bite. “Not exaggerating, I think this is the best pasta I've ever had.” He mumbled between bites, stuffing his face full.

“That is a bit of an exaggeration, I think.” you let out a laugh, taking a bite from your own plate of pasta. “You're a very messy eater, Satoru.” You chuckled, reaching out with a tissue to wipe the corners of his mouth clean. He simply shrugged, consuming another bite from his food.

“I'll clean up after I finish my plate. I might even go back for seconds, hope that isn't too bad for you.” He grinned, gulping down another sip from his apple juice. You watched him with a look of admiration, feeling yourself drawn to him in ways you've never been drawn to anyone else.

“I don't know why I still feel so inclined to you, even after your messy eating habits.” You sighed playfully, shaking your head. The man in question paused his eating, glancing up at you with a look of disbelief.

“You..” he trailed off, shaking his head. “So it wasn't just me, huh?” Satoru murmured, and you smiled up at him.

“No, it wasn't just you.” You nodded, glancing down at honey for a moment as you prepared yourself to continue. “I don't know what it was. About you. But it was like.. the second I saw you look into my eyes, I knew there was just something.. and it's driving me insane. I've never in my life felt such a way before, with anyone. I pride myself on my emotional intelligence and I'm good at deciphering how I feel and how others feel within seconds. It's something that comes in handy, when you're teaching kids,” you sigh, glancing up at him. But this.. it's left me stumped. I don't know what to make of any of this, it was like I felt a truckload of emotions festering up for eons hit me in just seconds. And you haven't left my mind since. I feel myself waking up in a cold sweat at night, sometimes I wake up sobbing because I've started feeling such an absence of something I had otherwise never felt. And I know it has to do with you because everywhere I look I see your blues in the morning sky, in the colors of a child’s jacket, in the confines of my classroom.”

You inhale deeply, running a hand through your hair. “Gojo Satoru, you haunt my every waking moment since the day I locked eyes with you.” you confess sincerely, watching his grip tighten on his fork, a shiver running down his spine.

“You mean that?” He asked quietly, words almost inaudible. You nod, meeting his gaze once more. He lets out a deep breath, leaning his head back towards the ceiling, closing his eyes shut as he ponders on it all. The connection you had was undeniable. Could you be soulmates? But that wouldn't make sense, it's more of a hypothetical and fictional situation than it is a reality.

It's not like the attraction was just something out of the blue. No, not at all. There was a sense of familiarity to you, one that went beyond normal notions of feeling a sense of nostalgia. It was like it ascended this realm, and the ones before that. “As if I knew you in another life..” Satoru mumbled aloud, and you blinked, feeling everything click in your mind.

“You're right. It is like that.” You nod fervently, pushing up from your place on the table. Satoru does the same, not letting his eyes stray far from you. He takes a step towards you, almost bumping into the table. He lets out a breath, pulling you into his arms. And somehow, everything just felt right in that moment.

“You fit like a glove in my arms,” Satoru commented with a dopey smile, one arm wrapped around your waist while the other brushed through your hair, cupping your face.

You grinned up at him, kissing his palm. He let out a shuddering breath, leaning closer to your face. “Can I?” He asked softly, eyes glancing between your own cloudy ones, and your lips.

“Why rush? We've all the time in the world, Satoru. Let's take it one step at a time, okay?” You mumble, placing your palms against his face, thumbs tracing his cheekbones.

He inhales sharply, swallowing the saliva forming in his mouth. “I'm worried… I won't have time, I feel.. What if something goes wrong? Or,” he pauses, glancing to the side. “Something happens?” He whispers, closing his eyes as he leans his forehead against yours.

“Satoru, nothing will happen. You can't keep living inside your worries. We're here right now, together. So let's live it as it is. Don't worry about the ‘what if’s and the formalities. Everything will be alright.” You speak to him in the softest tone you could muster, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“This is our life, hm? Nobody can take that away from us.” You add, letting out another breath. And maybe the words were wishful thinking, but was it so wrong to indulge in something that felt so right? It was as if this was something you both needed. As if nothing had been right until this very moment.

“Yeah. You're right.” Satoru mumbled, suddenly realizing just what was happening. And in an instant, a heat had risen to his cheeks and ears, his grin becoming more sheepish. “You look really pretty up close, y'know?” He commented sweetly, to which you let out a small laugh.

“Why, thank you, Satoru. I think you're beautiful as well.” You compliment him back with a sweet, almost teasing smile, feeling your heart warm at the look on his face.

---

The sound of shuffling can be heard, and a bleary, sleepy Satoru stirs awake, eyes still blurry from having been awoken so suddenly. On instinct, he pats the space beside him, a small sigh and somber smile coming over his lips as he feels the cold and empty spot beside him. He glances over to his desk to check the time. Nine in the morning. His eyes darted to the photo frame on the desk. From yours and his wedding day. Cheeky and sincere smiles on both your lips.

“Pa, you're finally awake,” whined out the dramatic voice of Gojo Satoru's daughter, tugging at his blanket from the edge of the bed. The man perked up, sitting up to pull the light of his life into his arms.

“Good morning, sweetie! How'd my little girl sleep, huh?” He asked with a bright grin, peppering kisses over his daughter's face.

She smiled up at him, blue eyes strikingly similar to his own flashed up at him, as if sparkling. “Really good! Woke up super early too! Woke Gumi up a while ago too!” She beamed with pride, and Satoru's heart soared with joy.

“Good job, sweetie. I'm proud of you.” He mumbled, pressing a kiss to her head as he cuddled her closer into his chest, placing a large, protective hand on her back.

His daughter glanced over at the bedside table, then up at her dad, pouting. “I miss mama,” she mumbled, letting out a loud sigh.

Satoru mirrored the expression, nodding his head. “I know, love, I know. I miss her too.” He mumbled, patting her head. “Come on, let's get ready for the day and wait for breakfast, hm?” He grinned down at her, to which she cheered, leaping up off his lap towards the bathroom.

Once inside, he pulled out a stool from underneath the sink, allowing his daughter to step up to reach the sink easily. He grabbed her toothbrush that they kept in his and your bedroom, spreading a sufficient amount of toothpaste over it. He grabbed his own toothbrush from beside yours, putting the same toothpaste over his toothbrush. The duo then brushed their teeth together, cracking jokes in between. Satoru reached into the cabinets beside the mirror with ease, grabbing two hair bands from inside.

They start with cleansing their faces, Satoru using your cleanser, while your guys’ daughter uses her own face wash. Once all dried, the two apply some of your moisturizer and lip balm, smacking their lips together in an obnoxiously loud manner, giggling at one another.

“Come on, we need to feed honey as well,” Satoru ushered his daughter out, and she rushed towards the beloved cat, still as quiet and wise as ever, waiting patiently by her food bowl.

“Good morning again, Megumi!” Satoru's daughter grinned, giving her brother a small hug first thing in the morning. She skipped her way into the kitchen, eyes lighting up.

“Good morning, honey!” She cooed out at the cat, and Satoru was hit with the nostalgia from years back, whenever he'd witness you greet your beloved cat in the morning. He smiles at the sight, beginning to pull out honey's cat food from the same cabinet you'd always kept it in, while his daughter busied herself sitting up on the chairs by the marble countertop with the help of Megumi, still fresh from the memories of Satoru's first time sitting there.

Honey, the beloved cat of the household simply blinked silently, beginning her trek towards the door of the home. She approaches silently, going unnoticed like she always had. Everytime, in every lifetime, she'd known when to flee, and she'd done so without so much as a bat of an eye, her existence holding meaning in the hearts of many, especially you and Satoru, but was always overshadowed by the sorrow of reality. She was beloved, but only ever known as a beloved cat. That's as far as her acknowledgement went.

“Honey? Where are you headed off to, huh?” Satoru called out, and the feline paused, turning back at the call of her name. Satoru stood beside his daughter, who matched the same look as her father as the two curiously glanced at the cat.

She turns back to the door, letting out a meow as she sits by it. Suddenly, the door turns, opening itself. And you walked in, carrying a box of breakfast pastries and treats. You kicked off your shoes, cooing a greeting at your beloved cat, before turning back to your husband and daughter.

“Mama, you're home!” The girl squealed in excitement, rushing over to you and embracing your legs, nuzzling into your stomach. “I missed you!”

“Good morning, you guys.” You smiled, rubbing Megumi's head like you always did, the teen simply grumbling in response.

You let out a small laugh, running a hand through your daughter's hair next. “You miss me every Sunday when I go out to get breakfast for us, huh?” You teased, shuffling over to place the box of pastries onto the marble countertop. You pulled your daughter into your arms, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. You walk towards your husband, giving him a smile as you lean forward, giving him a gentle kiss on the lips.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” You greet him as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his embrace.

“Good morning. We missed you loads,” he mumbled, pressing a kiss to your temple. “As we do every Sunday.” Satoru teased, mimicking your words from a second ago. You rolled your eyes at him, giving him a kiss to his cheek.

“I got breakfast, like i always do on Sundays,” you spoke with a pointed look at Satoru, and he let out a laugh.

“Did you get my chocolate croissants?” He asked, mouth already salivating. You nodded up at him, placing your daughter onto the surface of the countertop, carefully pulling out the box with the assortment of treats.

“Yup. And I got your tea. Extra sweetened.” You chuckled, carefully grabbing the plates and utensils. “I called Suguru, he said he'd be coming over with Mimi and Nana soon, too. Will Yuuji and Nobara be joining us?” You turned to Megumi, asking the teen about his two friends. He nodded in response, and you grinned. “Good thing I got extras then, huh?” You joked, to which your daughter giggled, somehow always finding you funny.

“Yuuji’s coming over with his half brother.” Megumi added, and you nodded along, carefully setting up the dining table.

Satoru smiled at the sight, eyes welled up with pure love and adoration. He remembers how he'd wanted seven kids with you at one point, and how he's basically already got that. Your beautiful daughter, then there was Megumi, Nobara, Yuuji, Choso, Mimiko, Nanako. Seven kids. And as he watched how you interacted with your daughter and your now son, the sounds of your laughter filling his heart with joy.

It felt like an unknowing weight had been lifted from his chest, and he was finally able to breathe properly, after what felt like a lifetime. And as he took your warm hands into his own, he felt like maybe, this was finally a lifetime where he truly felt your presence harmonize with his own.

“Satoru, quit staring at me! help me out!” You called out to him, snapping him out of his trance. And as your friends started to roll in, the sound of chatter and happiness echoing off the walls, Satoru felt himself inclined to kiss you once more.

“Hey there, gorgeous.” Satoru mumbled, whisking you away from the crowd to pull you into his arms, holding you tight against him.

“What's with all your sudden clinginess, hm?” You asked him, Satoru swaying you along in a corner, away from the rush of the people.

“Just missed you, is all.” Satoru mumbled, kissing your neck. You glanced up at him, lashes fluttering as you turned around in his arms, bringing yours around his neck as you leaned on the tip of your toes, giving him a lingering kiss. “I love you.” Satoru declared between kisses, and you couldn't help yourself from smiling.

“And I love you, Satoru. In every lifetime.” You whisper to him, feeling his pulse against the side of your chest, the one devoid of a beating heart. You felt complete, with Satoru in your arms, and a love that shone through every life you two had ever lived.

[gegewrites]

Dr.house- a proper fuck(smut)

I apologize for how long it took me to write this. I hope you enjoy!

6-14-23

Words-3.1k

Kinda(?) edited?

Your pov-

It's been a month since Greg's been shot, he hasn't gone to work. I've taken over for him, but sometimes Cuddy or Wilson will use the team for extra help. Greg's new favorite thing since he realized he could run again...was running. I'm not arguing, he's got some nice legs. But, he like to go for runs at night. Just getting up, throwing on his running shorts and shoes, grabbing his iPod and earbuds and just leaving.

Like tonight, I was finishing up a patient report on the couch, resting against him as he watched Tv, his legs kicked up on the coffee table. Then all of a sudden, he pushed me off of him simultaneously kicking his legs off the table. I just watched him leave. I'm not gonna stop him from running. He's finally got free mobility, let him enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

"I'll be back." He pointed at me as he opened the door and quickly walked through it, closing it behind him. I rolled my eyes and laid down on the couch,the arm of it below my shoulder blades, I put my knees up resting the file against it as I continued writing.

He didn't get back till eleven thirty and He left at ten. He didn't come to the bedroom first, he went straight to the bathroom and showered, It's very appreciated.  I was laying in  bed, my knees up as my book was against the front of my thighs,  which was covered by the comforter.  I flipped the page of my book, the Tv was also on, anything to keep me awake at this point. If I fell asleep, I'd soon be woken up anyways to move my position because he demands to have a hot women laying against his chest at night. But I also demand to have an arm draped over my back and hand sat on my ribs to sleep anyways.

Two people desperate for human touch, it's kind of perfect. Though some interactions in the workplace can inappropriate, like a grab to my ass as he walks past me, even if I'm actively with a patient. He's the gropey one, I just like to be near him when I can.

I started reading the next page as the bedroom door pushed open, the only light being the lamp on my nightstand. His hair was damp and fluffy from being towel dried,said towel wrapped around his waist. Yum.

He walked past the bed to the dresser throwing me a glance, I was still trying to read this book.

"How was your run?" I asked as the top dresser drawer opened.

"It's was good." He looked back at me as he threw his boxers to the bed. Closing the drawer and going to his pants drawer,"where'd you get that book?"

"Cameron, she finished it. Gave her one of mine and she gave me one of hers." I explained , turning the page. He hummed, I was waiting for some snarky remark, but it didn't come. He just tossed the towel to end of the bed and  put his boxers and pants on. I didn't watch him, this part of the book was good. Pretty blasphemous, but who doesn't wanna get fucked by a hot priest?

He stepped out of the room to put the towel back in the bathroom, walking back in quickly after.

"What's it about?" He asked as he walked to his side of the bed. I slid the tip of my finger under the page as he pulled up the comforter snd sheets, proceeding to get under them.

"I don't think you wanna know." I glanced at him as he rested on his side,  his right forearm was sunken into his pillows. He leaned in as I looked back to the page and I saw his eyebrow raise from my peripheral view.

"By the words wet, priest, and cock...It's religious erotica." A light chuckle tinged the word erotica.  I shrugged before grabbing the bookmark from the night stand, my right leg straightening out. I slipped the decorated piece of paper  into the bind and closed it, placing it next to the lamp.

I looked back at him, his left hand now snaked under the cover, placed on my thigh.

"run didn't tire you out?" I asked, my left leg falling a bit more open subconsciously.

"Not even close." I leaned closer to him to catch his lips on mine and he sat up a bit taller. His left hand moving to my right hip pulling me closer to him. My left hand came to hold the back of his head as his lips moved heatedly with mine.

The smell of his body wash filled my senses. my finger carding smoothly through his dry,yet damp, hair. Moments like these remind me on how stupidly obsessed I can be about him.  My right leg straighten out as I pushed up closer to him, propping up on my left arm. My hips twisted, my right leg sweeping over his. I slowly started coming up to my knees, pushing him into the head board and his pillows. His hands sat on my hips, my hand was still on the back of his head, though my right was on his bare shoulder.

Now would be a good time to mention what I'm wearing. Dark red panties, bikini style. And his black Mötley Crüe T-shirt. A rather usual sleeping outfit of mine, his shirts were just comfier, plus I do the laundry.

He pushed my hips down to his thigh, I didn't realize I was hovering over it. Force of habit. I pulled away from him as he took hold of the bottom hem of the shirt. he sat up closer to me as he pulled it off and threw it to the left side of the room. Placing a kiss to my lips as a hand slid around to my lower back, pulling me closer as we kissed down my jaw.

"As much as I love the sweet shit," I started, he didn't look at me or stop, his beard tickled my skin, his lips nipping at my skin, taking his time to find that spot on my splenius," I'd prefer to just be fucked."

"Or you could just shut up?" He pulled away from my neck only to say that sentence before going back to my neck. His right hand sliding up my ribs to grab my breast in his hand, his finger tips pressing into it. I pushed further in his palm, Gaining a small hum from him. his tongue swiped over my skin before he placed an open mouth kiss to his favorite hickey area, his teeth soon joining in as he sucked on the skin.

I could feel myself getting wetter and in desperate need of more. if he wasn't wearing pants he'd probably feel how wet I'm growing against his thigh. He placed a kiss to the new hickey on my skin. his left thumb hooking in the band of my panties, his finger tips pressing onto the plush of my ass. Then his hands slid up to my waist.

"Get off." I lifted my right leg off and over him. I came to stand at the edge of the bed and he came up to standing as well. I slid my panties down my legs and kicked the away towards the wall. He was looking down at me, his right brow raised and then he glanced to the bed, then back to me. The right corner of his like curling up, getting that lusted gleam in his eye.

I got the hint, if he can run...he fuck me properly, especially with no pain. Don't get me wrong I love riding him, but now he's got the full control to fuck me how ever he wants.

I crawled onto the bed, resting down on my forearms, my chest sinking into the mattress as my ass stayed in the air. My legs spread apart perfectly for him.

"My god." His tone was almost star strucken. Which would make sense,in these few years he's never seen me like this. I've ridden him reverse and been bent over his desk, but it's not like this. My right cheek rested on the top of my palm as I looked back at him, his pants already off, his eyes stuck on my ass.

"Stop ogling and Fuck me already," I wiggled my ass a little to encourage him,"I'm tired."

"I can tell, you're getting bitchy." I rolled my eyes as He took hold of my hips, pulling me closer to him. He let his right hand slid down my ass and thigh before grabbing his cock. Stroking it a few time before letting his head slide through my folds, spreading my slick over my clit and lips. His left hand slid up and down my waist, as his head rubbed my clit. His tip finally sat at my core, no words have been exchanged. He being entranced in what he's about to do, and me excited for what's about to happen. If he's good with his mouth and his fingers, and his cock already makes me crumble...well then this must be the Fuckin golden goose.

This position was actually quite comfortable, pretty relaxing. I pushed back into him a bit, perfectly timing it when he pushed into me. Sliding way more then just the tip in, taking me by surprise.

"Oh-God!" I choked out, grabbing the  sheets in my hands, my forehead on the top of my left hand.

"Now that's good." He slid out, keeping his tip In and pushing in again, deeper this time. My walls clinging around him as he stretched me out. He didn't stop if give me time to settle, just kept sliding out and pushing back in, his tip never leaving though. My moans built up from simple breathy ones to elongated pleasure filled ones as his pace increased. Hit tip hitting that sweet spot deep inside me each time he bottoms out.

I could imagine what he looked like. Eyes closed, head back. His lips parted as groans left his mouth. He'd look down occasionally, Watching his cock thrust in and out of me, seeing how my cum soaked him. watching how creamy was pussy was getting because of him.

"This is why I like fucking you." He said, leaning down, rolling his hips into my ass as he placed an open mouth kiss to my shoulder. Goosebumps spreading down my right arm and side, his lips were down by ear,"pussys always so damn good."

My right arm straightened out as I grabbed the sheets in my fist, also giving myself some support. my body pushing and pulling on the bed, my backs arch deepening into the mattress.

"Fu-uck." I choked out, my brain completely focused on the way his hands gripped my hips, the way each time he cock slid back In, a tinge of electricity shot up my spine and to my brain, completely obsessed with how his cock felt inside of me in this position. It just felt better.

Groans left his throat more frequently as his speed increased, mine were near unstoppable. A lot of it was about how good it felt, how good it was. I could hear the bed frame starting to creak a bit, skin slapping together. His left hand slid down my side, running down my stomach, his middle  and ring finger coming in contact to my clit, wasting no time to rub it generously.

"Aah yes!" I pushed back into him more. The feeling his tip hitting and rubbing against my g-spot paired with the quick rubbing against my clit was perfect. I didn't have to work for this orgasm, it was just coming. My abdomen tightening, my walls fluttering around him, my thighs twitching from the constant attention against my clit.

A whine left my throat as my Forehead buried into the mattress, my left arm extending forward like my right. My hand clinging to the sheet. My head  dizzy with pleasure, the inside of my thighs getting wetter. I yanked my right arm towards me, gripping the sheet as a rip of electric shot my spine. A moan yanked out of me which I let out in the mattress, pushing my right arm into the mattress more. I used it to push myself up a bit.

"Greg I'm-"

"Fucking give it to me." His words elongated, tone dripping with ecstasy. if I didn't know better, I'd think he was stoned. But I did just that, I gave it to him. He didn't change his pace, his didn't change anything. His finger still rubbing quickly at my clit, his hips snapping into my ass as his tip pounded my g-spot. My eyes were clamped shut, my face shoved into the mattress. He let out a chuckled groan, and I felt his cock Twitching inside of me.

“Com-come on, come on please.” I lifted my head, catching my breath as I spoke. My hairline was damp, so was my spine. His fingers left my clit as he grabbed both my hips.

Instead of getting rougher or whatever, he slowed down to a stop. He Pulled out of me and using his left hand pushed me from my hands and knees to my back. I let out a little “oh” as he Grabbed my left thigh, hooking it over his right hip, standing in between my legs. His cock his his hand as he lined it back up to my core and pushed in again.

“So fucking good.” He held both my legs on his hips, I pulled him in closer, pressing my heels into his lower back. He came down on his left hand propped up on his arm , holding my left thigh still.

I reached to the back of his head and pulled him to me, pressing my lips to his as he rocked into me, starting to regain his original pace. My right hand reached under his arm, holding onto his back, my nails wasting no time to claw onto his skin. My finger held onto whatever hair I could grasp, heatedly and breathlessly making out with him. I arched up into him, feeling his cock Twitch again. My walls were tight around him, sucking him in, waiting to be filled up by him.

I felt his pace start to falter t and he pulled away from me, his fingers dug harder into my thighs. I still held him close to me, his face hovering over mine. Eyes closed, sucked into his pleasure, tranced in it really. He regained his pace, taking in a sharp and deep inhale from his nose, letting it out as a sighed groan, coming down to place a kiss to my forehead before standing back up to his original position, my hands fell away from him, grabbing at the sheets by the thighs. He put my right leg over his shoulder, keeping my left his hip, slowly leaning down to me.

“Flexible.” He noted, as his hand made contact to the sheet just above my head.

“Oh fuuck!” I whined out, god it felt fucking good. My eyes were clamped shut again, my teeth biting down at my bottom lip. Moans erupting from my throat, but not leaving my mouth. The only sounds that came out of my lips were gasps.

So Yeah, him being able to fuck properly is the golden goose. He’s holding himself back, it’s why he’s not talking. He wants me to cum again, with him. The sleep is gonna be good after this so it’s worth it.

I could already feel my next orgasm building up, that dizziness in my head coming back, my body temp rising, My abdomen muscles tightening, my right hand taking it placed on his back again, nails clawing at their original spot. If he’s leaving hickeys, I’m leaving scars.

“I’m gonna-“ apparently I can’t announce my orgasms tonight since he just cuts me off right away.

“For the love of god, please do.” Breathy and elongated, tinged with desperation and a bit of annoyance.

It didn’t take long before I was cumming on his cock again, my walls fluttering around his deprives cock immediately setting of his own orgasm. He didn’t stop pounding into me, his warm cum coating my walls, mixing in with my own juices. his grip on the front of my calf tight, his hand held a fist full of the sheet. My ears were focused on the sound of his groans, a muttered “That’s it, that’s fucking it”, trailed off his lips, the obscene wet sounds coming from where we were connected. I’ll change the sheets tomorrow morning.

He slowed down slowly, savoring those last moments and I wasn’t arguing. I was seeing stars behind my closed lids, my chest rapidly rising and falling as I caught my breath, my pulse pounding in my neck, hearing it in my head, but it wasn’t a headache. He guiding my leg off his shoulder, holding it to his hip as he slid out, letting them both fall down gently. He stepped out from i between my legs and fell down onto the mattress next to me on his back, also catching some much needed breath.

“Still got it.” He chuckled to himself and I giggled, letting my eyes opened, feeling the tiredness creeping into my body as my high wore off.

“That was good.” I smiled, it was the remaining bit of high, as I tilted my head to look at him, he was glancing down at me. He had one hand on his chest, his right arm laid on the mattress a few inches above my head.

“I’ve been informed quite a bit.” He marked and I scoffed, pulling myself up to sit on the edge of the bed, feeling how wet the inside do my thighs were, especially how wet the sheets were.

“Mm, come back.” I felt him grab my shoulder and pull me back down to the mattress and I let him, I turned on my side to rest into his arm and side, resting my hand on his chest and he placed his hand on mine. We stayed in silence for a bit, listening to each other breathing, my eyes fell closed but I opened them again, they fluttered a bit.

“So running and screwing, is that your plan?” I asked him, glancing up a bit to look at him better. He raised his brow, a slight frown on his face from thinking, still looking wth the ceiling and then sharply nodded, a smirk now replacing the frown.

“Definitely.”

[dark-frosted-heart]

Choose Your True Love - Azel Radwan (part 2/4)

This is the from the 4th anniversary event

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. 

Azel (polite): We have 1, 2…3, 4 risk-takers here…Tonight will be a fun night, won’t it?

(Prince Azel?!)

Standing before the large moon, he was cloaked in a holy aura far different from the usual malicious god.

His mysterious presence nearly brought me, an acquaintance, to my knees. The domineering men prostrated in the sand, showing respect.

Ruffian: Living God, we were only going to escort this lost woman back to the city—

Azel (polite): Are you sure? You are making such false confessions so shamelessly. The details of what happened to people who had incurred God’s wrath and received divine punishment have been passed down as legends. However, I am a benevolent god, so I will overlook this one mistake. So—what were you trying to tell me?

Ruffian: ……Our apologies.

Azel (polite): I believe you are apologizing to the wrong person.

Ruffian: Our apologies…miss.

Emma: It’s fine…

(...They’re all trembling)

It wasn’t like Prince Azel wanted to kill them.

There wasn’t even a hint of anger in his words.

Still, the tension was so oppressive that it felt as if a single divine command would erase not just their life, but their whole existence.

Azel (polite): You were about to lay your hands on God’s property. And my policy is to not show compassion to scoundrels who lay their hands on my property. In any case, God’s punishment will come. Be it tomorrow, or the day after, only I know.

There were no objections from the men.

It appeared they understood that they shouldn’t do this sort of thing to the Living God.

Azel (polite): Live piously while trembling in fear. So as to not incur more of God’s wrath.

Prince Azel wrapped an arm around my waist, but as if he remembered something, let go and quickly walked away.

He seemed to be heading toward the city, not the temple.

(...I’ll follow him)

I ran after Prince Azel’s retreating figure.

Now far from the men, I turned my head and saw that they still haven’t looked up.

When the city lights drew closer, Prince Azel finally stopped.

When our eyes met, God’s smile faded.

Azel: Why aren’t you carrying that with you?

Emma: “That”?

Azel: …You don’t have it on you?

Emma: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Prince Azel held his head and sighed.

Azel: That’s right. I wasn’t interested in you at this time.

Emma: …? Setting whatever you’re talking about aside, thank you very much for saving me earlier. I didn’t think you would save me like that… Prayers really do reach God.

Azel: It’s nice to see you’re in a good mood.

I ran after him when he walked away again.

Emma: Are you heading to the city?

Azel: Don’t you want to go home?

Emma: Pardon me for asking, but are you escorting me back?

(That refreshing indifference Prince Azel has toward others…)

Azel: Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m just taking a walk.

Emma: Of course you are. …But you’ve never gone for a walk to the city, have you? The reason why I run errands for you in the first place is because you can’t freely walk around the city—

Azel: Are you complaining about what a god’s doing?

A scowling Prince Azel came closer and pinched my cheek.

Emma: I’m sowwy.

Azel: As long as you understand. Look, when I said “a walk”, I meant it. Distrust’s blasphemous.

I nodded and the fingers tormenting my cheek left.

I followed after the footprints left by his long legs, trying not to fall behind.

(Huh? Even when I’m walking as hard as I can, I usually can’t catch up with him. But today, the distance between us isn’t as wide)

(Is Prince Azel matching my pace…? There’s no way)

--

Emma: …Prince Azel, how far are you going to walk for?

Azel (polite): Until I’m satisfied.

Now that he was surrounded by people, he suddenly switched to being polite.

Prince Azel’s sudden appearance startled people passing by.

Usually there’s advanced notice before Prince Azel visits court.

People needed to mentally prepare themselves before their living god appeared, so with his sudden appearance in the middle of the night, a wave of commotion gradually spread.

(Prince Azel didn’t go near the castle because he knew this would happen…)

(Everything really is weird)

(This Prince Azel looks like the one I knew, but it’s as if he’s been completely replaced…At least that’s how it feels)

Azel (polite): …Living in the castle is inconvenient, isn’t it?

It was like Prince Azel didn’t care about the racket around us as he glanced at me.

Emma: Y-yes…As your guest, I’ve always been treated with the highest courtesy.

Azel (polite): That is good to hear. Should you experience any form of displeasure, please let me know. Being disrespectful to my guest means being disrespectful to me.

Prince Azel’s voice was loud enough for everyone around us to hear, making them nervous.

(This concern he had for me was giving me the creeps)

(Just what in the world are you thinking, Prince Azel)

--

Emma: —Wait, why did you follow me into my room?!

[a-not-so-clean-blog]

Nu carni boys receiving head

Some are more explicit than others so ♠️

Yakumo

He is in heaven! Maybe it's his snake side saying this but your warm mouth is like Nirvana. He really goes crazy if you hold eye contact with him while your head is bobbing up and down. He doesn't care if you deepthroat or just lick it like a lollypop, anything you do is going to make him moan and his toes curl. Also his cock is long so deepthroating is going to take effort.

Edmond

You have to ambush him while he's out on patrol. Pull him into a side alley, whisper something dirty in his ear, and get on your knees. His uniform is so tight that he'll have to let you take care of his boner before he can go back on patrol or else everyone will see what a pervert the captain is. He has to bite his knuckle just to stop himself from moaning and drawing unwanted attention. He will scold you after but that blush on his cheeks says he loved it.

Olivine

Suck the soul out of him, nibble on his tip, squeeze his balls a little. Soon you'll have his eyes rolling back in his head in bliss. It feels a little scandalous with you kneeling before him, almost like worship. It's nearly blasphemous, but he'd be lying if he said it wasn't a huge turn on.

Quincy

He likes getting to sit back and relax while you suck him off. If you catch him while he's still half asleep then he feels so much more sensitive. That's when you can get some truly delicious sounds from him. He likes when you indulge his lazy side and take control for a little bit.

Kuya

It's one of his favorite pastimes. Seriously he loves when you're on your knees for him, being all submissive and cute. He likes tangling his fingers in your hair and controlling the pace. He'll push your limits to see just how deep you can take him. All the while he's telling you (In a sultry voice) how dirty or submissive you look, and how well you take directions to please him.

Blade

You will have him short circuiting if you kiss the tip while you're going down on him. You're so cute and it makes him feel loved. Honestly he cares less about the physical stimulation than the emotional stimulation. Look up at him and tell him how good he tastes or how much you want him ect. And he'll be in heaven. He gets off so much when he thinks you're enjoying yourself too.

Garu

He gets very vocal. Like EXTREMELY vocal. Less words but a lot of little sounds. He is going to death grip whatever is nearby when he gets close to cumming. He doesn't want you to stop so he tries to hold back for as long as possible. He will be so overwhelmed with pleasure and happiness if you drink his cum. He will be so overcome with emotions that he will kiss you immediately after.

Karu

You are going to give him a power trip he is not ready for. Actually a major turn on and he will cum really quickly because of it. He likes to run his fingers through your hair as you go down on him. Actually he enjoys it better if it's mostly a hand job with lots of kissing. He wants to hear you tell him how good he tastes, how much you like it, ect. He wants you to be vocal and it's hard to do that with a dick in your mouth.

Dante

He has to try so hard to keep a neutral face, but internally he is about to explode. He's a very private person, especially when it comes to his intimate life, but his favorite place to do this is his throne. Him sitting high and mighty on his throne with you on your knees nestled between his legs. It's the ultimate power trip. Someone could also walk in at any moment because his throne room isn't exactly a private place, but that only gets his blood pumping faster.

Rei

Blowjob under the desk while he's working on his research. He won't say it out loud but he enjoys the challenge of studying and trying not to cum at the same time. Can you cockwarm with your mouth? Well you're both about to find out.

Eiden

He's all giddy and cute when you ask to suck him off. Boy literally has stars in his eyes. He'll set up pillows and stuff so you are both as comfortable as possible. Short bursts at first, giving you plenty of room to breathe. He can get rougher if you ask nicely. One of his favorite positions is having you on your back on the bed and fucking your mouth with your head hanging off the edge. Going in so much deeper than you can on your own. This is why he lets you breathe early on, so he can see just how much you can handle before you choke, so he knows when to ease up.

Aster

This is exactly the authority trip he loves. He's not that big so being able to actually look down at you, huge turn on. You wanting and eager for him also makes him really happy but he won't say that out loud. He will tell you exactly how you are making him feel physically though and will praise you more than usual if you do something he likes.

Morvay

Did somebody say 69! No? Well now you have a pouty incubus. He will still let you suck him off but he prefers when he can do it to you as well. If you make it more of a kinky thing then he'll be happy again. Like if you tie his wrists to a chair so he can't touch you. It drives him mad, but really turns him on when you take control. (He will probably use his tail or something to grind your crotch if you bind his arms)

[perrywrites]

Guys who would love a dependent partner; 

TW for toxicity, mild yandere subtext

includes; Isagi, Hiori, Reo, Bachira

Isagi: he wouldn’t really ever admit this outloud, but on some level, he’s well aware of how much you needing him feeds his ego. It reassures him in a way nothing else can, the fact that you need him so vividly and desperately, how dependent you are on him. It’s the fact that you don’t want to leave him, that you can’t leave him; he doesn’t have to worry about you getting away from him - he can’t even fathom it, when you’re the one always worrying about him leaving you. Even though the mere idea of that is preposterous, impossible, heretical and beyond blasphemous. And when he shushes you, patiently, comforting you so sweetly of that truth, he finds some sick part of himself feeling happy about getting to do so, pride blooming at the fact that you need his arms around you to feel safe and reassured. He honestly doesn’t mind reassuring you, when it allows him his own reassurance, allows him to be even closer with you - it allows him to be codependent without having to be overt about it. He doesn’t have to seek out your reassurance, subtly, when you’re already giving it to him in such an ego-boasting form. Even better is how easily potential arguments get settled - he doesn’t have to be jealous of or worry about other guys, even subtly mentioning something to you works and you’re already getting rid of them or distancing yourself, babbling apologies and pleading as you latch onto an affectionate and ‘forgiving’ Yoichi. He essentially gets a free ticket to be as possessive as he wants to be without really worrying about it, not when you give in so easily, or not when you enjoy it so much either… After all, to you as well, there is no greater reassurance than the possessiveness he tries so hard to convince himself is normal. 

Hiori: although growing up Hiori came to the conclusion he wants a partnership where the two of you can give each other space, this quickly changes once he actually falls in love. The magic of having someone who actually sees him - sees Hiori Yo - and loves him wholeheartedly is beyond enthralling, and more than addictive. He has never experienced something like this in his life, unconditional love and being accepted for who he is - and the mere thought of losing it sends him spiralling internally. A strange new fear sets in - a fear that you’ll leave him, or that you’ll fall out of love with him. It’s persistent, a heinous plague on his heart, but as expected of you, you know how to heal him. You need him, you need him so much, so desperately, that those fears and anxieties settle the moment he is interacting with you, and eventually he starts accepting your complete dependence on him as a truth. The reality is that emotionally, you are completely reliant on him, your sense of safety depends on him loving you back - and the same is true for him. You need him as badly as he needs you, and that comforts him more than anything else. You can never leave him, you need him, without him you’re nothing, you’re doomed, and that is the ultimate assurance.

Reo: honestly the best thing he could ask for. He’ll never be satisfied, though, knowing that you’re just as obsessed with him as he is with you isn’t enough. It just isn’t enough. But it still soothes the ruthless burn of possessiveness in his throat, when you’re so eager to please him, not fighting back on issues and swiftly getting rid of all your male contacts. He has enough mercy to let you keep your family, and enough begrudging sense to let you keep your colleagues - but he will have all your passwords and check your messages regularly. Letting you message your male colleagues is temporary, though - very temporary. After all, why do you need to work when you have him as your partner? In fact, why do you need to work ever? You guys are going to get married, after all. Just let him take care of you - and in return, give up all of your autonomy to him. The best part? You’ll willingly throw away all of your autonomy just to belong to him. You’re the best wife he could ever ask for. 

Bachira: the thing is, he’s just as dependent on you, overtly so, and not subtly, so knowing that you’re this dependent on him as well is very comforting. To him, it shows that you love him when you’re as obsessed with him as he is with you - because when he falls in love, he falls in love hard - and only once. Bachira Meguru is incapable of falling in love twice, so knowing that you love him in the same emotionally unstable way makes him love you even more. You’re not bothered by his clinginess and near debilitating dependence on you, infact, you love it - because you’re the same as him. It even allows him some privileges - if it makes him anxious, you’re always willing to do anything to fix it. He would never ask you to cut someone off though, never, and nor does he need to, when you’re this terrified of losing him that you constantly make sure he’s fine with all aspects of your life. He trusts you more than anything, honestly, and he doesn’t think you’ll cheat or leave him for someone else, but he’s possessive. Far more possessive than is obvious from his cute pouts and grumpy behaviour when he wants to monopolise you - it’s good that you give in so quickly. He’s lucky you love him so much, right?

[lovers-tucked-into-a-quiet-cafe]

4th of July Special [IKYLHT]

~2.9k Words | Series Masterlist | Prev | Next Chapter [Coming Soon]

Hope you enjoy this very very overdue special chapter. It's part of the larger timeline of the story but considering we just had the 4th not too long ago I figured I'd post what I had so far just to keep you held over until chapter 8 is finished. It will very much be expanded upon in due time. Much love

-

There are three holidays you force yourself to celebrate as an active member of the military.

Veterans Day, the obvious.

Memorial Day, also obvious.

And the great ol’ 4th of July. Independence Day, a celebration of our great freedoms, our national pride.

More importantly- a day filled with beer, fireworks, and a rack of ribs, all without the threat of having to clock in that morning.

The boys had called you a yank when you’d first suggested it, mentioned something about the ridiculousness of the American desire to clog your arteries while lighting shit on fire.

The sweat of the 98° day dripping down Johnny's back, soon to be washed away by cool pool water. An ice cooler filled with Coronas, freshly cut limes on the table. Slow cooked rack of ribs on each plate while the burgers sizzle on the grill. These were things you’d pitched to the boys only moments before they’d laughed in your face.

The idea of leaving the Queen’s land to shack it up with a bunch of blue-coats celebrating the day they’d left the commonwealth felt blasphemous, especially for Simon and Price, the true patriots they are. Kyle didn’t care much, he’d actually been quite excited to visit the US again. The west coast was unexplored to him, and he’d be lying if the prospect of seeing a few celebrities during his stay in California didn’t excite him. Truthfully, Johnny would take any chance to subtly spite the Brits. He’s a proper Scot, after all.

But you’d pushed the idea hard.

It was Sparks’ annual 4th of July barbeque and there was no way in hell you were going to run the risk of missing him lose a finger trying to light the extra explosive fireworks he’d bought after a mission in Texas.

You’d gone that route first- having Shane call Price to personally invite the task force to his home in San Diego with the promise of good food and drinks. When the invitation didn’t seem to make it to the group chat, you’d stepped up your game. You thought maybe a polite Captain-to-Captain request from Griggs would suffice. It did not.

Fortunately, you were in the perfect position to seal the deal.

“You know, I just think it’d be a great team bonding activity.”

You hear his groan as your movement stops, feel the way his hands fly up to grasp at your waist, but you ignore him entirely.

“I don’t understand why you insist on impeding my job, John. I thought it was a captain’s duty to assist his subordinates?”

His fingers dig into your hips, trying their best to move you but you keep yourself steadily perched atop his lap.

“I think this is team bonding enough, love.”

You look around the room, turning your head as far as you can in each direction, before you settle your eyes on his form once more.

“I don’t see the rest of them. Seems like it’s just you and me here, Price.”

A small moan he clearly tried to conceal slips out as you lean forward, planting your hands on his sweaty chest and feeling the way his heart quickly patters. The bed shifts under you, sheets molten hot with your combined heat.

“Want me to go get them? I can roam the base in search of them. Would be faster if I skipped getting redressed-”

“-Alright, alright. I’m listening.”

You go to speak but shoot him a stern glance as you feel him attempt to move from under you.

The coy smile he lets out feeds your soul, his cheeks flushed from exertion, eyes hungry with want.

“We’re going.”

He laughs, eyes glancing down to where he throbs inside you.

“You think this is the best time to bring this back up, sweetheart?”

Shifting enough to make his breath hitch, you flash your own big smile.

“I do.”

Glancing at his watch, he quietly huffs as he mulls over his options.

“California?”

“Yes”

“During peak travel season…”

“Yup”

“For a holiday only you celebrate?”

“In a country you don't wanna revisit. I know, it’s not ideal.”

“So we’re doing it because?”

“Because it’s for me, John. We’re doing it for me. So I can go home.” Your smile is pleading.

He gives a small nod, lifting your hand off his chest and kissing the back of it.

“Okay. I’ll call Sparks and let him know we’re coming.”

“It’s okay! I’ll just text him-” You can’t control your smile, damn near flying off the bed to grab your phone if it weren’t for Price hooking an arm around you and flipping you beneath him.

“-You can text him once we’re done here. I still have another fifteen minutes with you.”

Admittedly, you didn’t call Shane until the following morning.

With Price on your side, it was easy getting everything in order. He dealt with the logistics- plane tickets, hotels, rental cars- while you did the fun part.

Helping the boys pack.

Kyle was by far the easiest. He naturally had good style, all you’d needed to do was inform him of the typical San Diego weather and how to transition those outfits into something a little cooler for when you’d venture up to Los Angeles.

Simon and Price came next. Simon’s was physically easier, just more mental gymnastics. Despite being in many’a hot biome before, he refused to admit his all black ensemble just wouldn’t do. Cargo pants and combat boots weren’t adequate pool party attire, especially when you knew he’d want to prove his usefulness attending to anything he possibly could (you prayed Shane had fixed the dishwasher leak or you knew you wouldn’t be seeing Simon until well past sunset). Price was more physically demanding. He didn’t care much what you dressed him in, he trusted you enough to ensure he stepped outside looking handsome- you’re 99% sure someone had told him about the ‘girlfriend effect’ and he just ran with it. The difficult part was actually buying the clothes. He had no problem handing his card over, but he didn’t seem to want to send sizes, measurements, color preferences, anything of use. You’d resorted to taking a measuring tape to his biceps as he oversaw drill exercises, the width of his shoulders as he sat doing paperwork, the length of each limb as he stood at the gym’s cable machine.

Johnny was quite a bit more difficult. Having been to your home in LA a few times before, he knew how hot it’d get in the dead of summer and thus decided it was prime time to dress in nothing but swim trunks and his favorite pair of vans. Despite being told numerous times that he’d need to pack at least one shirt, every time you checked his suitcase that shirt seemed to have vanished. Your only saving grace was Price’s scolding when he’d gone over the group’s tax write offs and seen the recurring £5.25 Tesco charge for a single men’s t-shirt.

Still, somehow you’d all managed to make it in one piece. And best of all, without a single complaint.

Price stood at the grill chatting with Griggs about various meat charring techniques while Ghost supervised refereed the game of chicken Soap and Gaz were playing with the rest of the Demon Dogs.

The liquor was free flowing and gave you the opportunity to utilize this annual event for what it truly was- a chance to check up on everyone.

And who better to do it with than your closest confidant and his therapist wife.

Convenient, really.

“How’ve you been, kid?”

Nodding as you glance over at Johnny balancing Kyle upon his shoulders, you can’t help but smile.

“We’ve had our moments. Can’t complain, though.”

Alison nods, and you see her head tilt ever so slightly. She’s going into work mode as best she can without raising your suspicions. She’s well trained, probably what’s saved her marriage with Shane. To her dismay, you are also well trained.

“How do you see your future together?"

“Alison, you'd know better than most that people like us don’t get futures.”

“You can spare her the melodramatic self loathing, she’ll just whack you upside the head.”

She glares at Shane’s retort, gives him that ‘stop joking I’m trying to fix shit’ look you’ve seen so many times before.

“I guess I haven’t thought about it. Genuinely. I think it’ll be good though. I love him… and all that mushy shit you’re dying to hear me say.”

“Okay. Well, that’s a start. What about the rest of the task force? Do you think you work well as a team?”

“Oh yeah, we’re a well oiled machine. My doing, of course. Successful or not, our missions can always be described as top tier.”

“And how about off-mission? Do you get along with everyone?”

You fight the urge to glance over at the four men whose hands you’d put your entire life into in more ways than one.

“Uh, yeah. We’re good.”

“Good?”

“Yeah.” You shrug.

Her response is cut off before she could even start it, two shorts car honks bouncing off the wood of the open side gate leading to the front of the property. She cranes her neck to see the car from her position in the backyard, just catching the conversation between Raines and his wife as they begin to unload the car.

Alison turns back to you after waving hello, pointing a finger and making a stern face.

“We’re not done here.”

“Aye Aye ma’am.” You jokingly salute her as you internally thank Raines’ kids for making him late to every event he’s ever been invited to.

You and Shane wave to the couple as she walks up to say her greetings, Shane walking towards the cooler to grab two beers.

“I warned her against interrogating you. But we all know how she feels about listening to me.”

“She’s lucky. She’s the only one that can ignore you and call you a dumbass without repercussion. Sometimes I envy her.”

Popping off the cap, he makes his way to two lounger seats off in the corner of the fenced backyard, plopping down with a sigh.

“Gonna have to retire soon. Or take up being a desk jockey. Whatever keeps my knees from going out.”

“Not showing up to your PT appointments, Sparks? I do recall you scolding me for doing the same.”

“I’ve been showing up, that’s the problem. Ain’t bouncing back like I used to.”

You nod in understanding. You’re not even that old and the aches had already settled in. The military really does take your best years.

“Alright, kid. Enough stalling. How’ve you really been doing?”

“I told you, Johnny and I have been good-”

“-I don’t mean your relationship. I know you two are doing good. God knows I’d be getting a call from MacTavish asking how to fix it if y’all weren’t. I mean about the mission.”

“Oh. Yeah, no. It was fine. It’s over.”

“Heard it was a rough one up top.”

“Uh, yeah. Always is, I guess. We would’ve loved to have traded places with you.”

“Don’t underestimate the stairs, kid. Was damn near out of breath by the time we’d gotten up there.”

You let out a hum, more of an acknowledgement than an agreement.

“I know it’s hard for you to sit and watch. But you gotta remember your roots, Water.”

A snort escapes you, humor and nostalgia behind it.

“Haven’t heard you call me that in what, five years?”

“You retired it. You may call me an asshole but I do have a heart.”

“Well-”

“-Don’t change the subject, Carrots.”

“You know I’m still mad you told Kyle-”

“-Rabbit. Come on. Talk to me, kid.”

He stares you down, gives that same stern look you’d always seen after cracking a joke a little too soon after a mission gone awry.

“Nightmares?”

“A couple.” You murmured with a shrug.

“Just a couple?”

“A few.” You manage another murmur.

He studies your side profile a moment longer before trailing his eyes towards your line of vision.

Kyle sits on the pool ledge right where the deep end becomes standable again, using his dry hand to feed Johnny chips from the paper plate he teeters on his thigh. Every time Soap gestures as he speaks, pool water flings from his position standing in front of Kyle’s shins and onto the plate.

Shane thinks back to the first time you’d shown up to an event like this. He watched you, a newly-appointed baby-faced private first class awkwardly clutching a plate with a burger you had no intention of eating, and was reminded of how out of place you had felt in this small sliver of normalcy.

He thinks back to how utterly determined you seemed to not make friends, to not form attachments.

He thinks back to how, despite your reservations, you found yourself slowly easing into the environment.

Despite being so quick to adapt, you’d never been fond of change. And you couldn’t be more different now from the person you were before.

He thinks about how embarrassing it was for you to admit you'd even been having nightmares, let alone what they were about.

“Ok kid. I’ll let you avoid interrogation for now. No use in ruinin’ a good barbeque.”

You pat his knee with an appreciative smile before you heave yourself out of the low chair, setting your sights back onto Kyle as he rejoins Johnny in the pool.

“Hey Rabbit?” You hear Sparks call out after you.

You look back at him over your shoulder.

“Yeah?”

You look at his blank face. You’ve known Shane long enough to tell he doesn’t want to spook you off but is begging for answers. He's giving you the opportunity to tell him on your own volition, no questions asked.

There’s a small demon resting in the back of your throat. He decides now’s a good time to carve at your esophagus. He urges you to spit it out so he can escape his imprisonment in your windpipe. To say what can’t be retracted, to just get it out there.

You stay silent, facing forward again and walking up to Price. He scrubs char off the grill rack, seemingly abandoned by Griggs.

That answers who lost the coin toss.

“Hey Cap,” You bump shoulders with him, tugging on the string of his boonie hat that rests against the back of his neck.

“Hey sweetheart” He mumbles back.

“You look handsome” You whisper with a giddy smile.

“Yeah?”

“Mmhmm”

“Hungry yet?”

“Only for you, big daddy” You manage to get out between a laugh and an over the top wink, just narrowly missing the way he goes to swat at you.

“Behave, Rabbit.”

“I always do, sir” You nearly purr.

As the earlier heat of the day began to cool, the sky painted itself in hues of orange and pink. You were finally feeling contentment settle deep into your bones. Your favorite part was soon and very much worth skipping your main meal, even if Price disagreed.

You and Soap had helped set up a small fire pit in the center of the yard- marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate bars all laid out for s’mores. Kyle, still somewhat in subdued awe of the whole spectacle, watches from your left as the others talked around the fire, their faces illuminated by the steady flame. You watched the way his eyes constantly bounced around, so deeply invested in the stories of your comrades.

Johnny sits between you and Ghost, his usual spot for the last nine months or so since Las Almas. You go to search for Price but are almost startled out of your seat as his arm misses your face by about two inches, draping over your lap a red checkered blanket he’d found thrown over one of the lawn chairs.

You grab his shirt by the collar before he gets the chance to pull away, pulling him down to kiss his cheek.

It was risky, there was no guarantee everyone outside of you five had been distracted by the sudden start of the neighbors fireworks, but you couldn’t really find it in yourself to care at that moment.

Grabbing the metal rod Johnny holds out for you, you shove the marshmallow on the prongs and lick the stickiness off your fingertips. You’d always hated the residue, but the practicality of Johnny hand feeding you the squishy candy didn’t negate how sickeningly adorable it was to witness.

“Care for a s’more, Ghost?” you asked, leaning forward and holding out a stick with a perfectly roasted marshmallow.

He looked at the stick, then at you, and finally at the fire. It was a simple, almost childlike gesture, but there was something undeniably comforting about it. He took the stick from you with a small nod.

Johnny was already assembling the graham crackers and chocolate for him, adding an additional little chocolate square in the center.

Simon holds the dessert, examining it on all sides before looking up at the group before him. No one is paying any attention to the three of you, something you’d requested from both your old team and Price and Gaz.

You nod as encouragingly as you can when he scans the group once more, whispering just enough to be heard by him.

“It’s alright Simon. Go ahead.”

His black surgical mask is only down for a second before half his face is covered again, now with significantly more graham cracker crumbs settling at the bottom of it then before.

He hands the s’more back over to Johnny as he nods his head.

“See? Not so bad, right?”

Ghost looked over at you, your face illuminated by the soft glow of the firelight, and nods once more. “Not bad at all.”

Soap, munching on the last of the s’more, looks over with a smirk.

“Told ya. Next time, we’ll get you on karaoke.”

Simon goes completely deadpan but chuckles softly.

“We’ll see about that.”

-

<3

Taglist:

@voodoo-writer @wonderswritings @loving-milkskake-coffee @mothcelestial @hindi-si-ikay @poohkie90 @berrysealsblog @anniblindfischi @autrizzm @megansheila @aldis-nuts @gentlegiant @johnwickthethird @dante-mightdie @forever-hero-trash @330bpm-whiplash @addison-james @l0velyy-xmll @secretsthathauntus @angstismydrug @mo-i-ra @wh0rethoughtz @trulytiredboi @pengwen14 @craxy-person @mrmountainman @galacticgrump @kiritokunuwu @luvvnightingalee @cosychick @jollyjumpsfrog @sn0w72897 @urfavsunkissedleo @erothickthefemboy @perpetual-fandom-brainrot @bossva @missmidnight-writes @supernaturalstilinski @certainkittenpeach @alcinas-darling-side @jinxxangel13 @jewelbby @rhaenryawhore @murdersheghostwrote @leothescorpio @michilpyay @cassiecasluciluce @browtfyoudoing @savagemickey03 @xxqueensneverdie @lovelyeau @kimbeans90 @notcrazynotoldbutcatlady @nessaasstuff @sadg3 @thriving-n-jiving @ghost-with-a-teacup @bbyfimmie

[dilutedconfusion]

A Moth to a Flame

Eustass Kid x F!Reader (Part 5)

Summary: It’s the morning after. Not the kind of morning where you wake up in somebody else’s bed but the kind where you’re wounded and in a cot. Kid is feeling bad. You’re feeling bad. Let’s see how the two of you handle the wretched ‘what happened last night’ conversation.

Warnings: Mentions of blood & broken bones

Word Count: a blasphemous 9k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Tags: @st4rfevrr @archangelshavethetardis @likeeliterallywtf @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth @tulipps-maehem @thesnailus @shamblespirate @gabi-moureira @ferretsqueen

A kaleidoscope of colors took up your worldview.

Swirling in an endless grace of sweet blues, deep rich greens, and soft mellow browns. None of them were very recognizable shape-wise. Each was holding something akin to maybe a building floating on its axis or a flower harshly bent at the stem. Either way, you didn’t care.

Eyes heavy with every tear you had ever cried in your lifetime somehow pressed against your pupil. The world cast ripples in your vision until they slowly turned into something more recognizable. Something that felt like home.

Or at least a very small portion of it.

“Just stay here. Don’t make a sound no matter what you hear okay?”

Your Dad's voice floated towards you warm and reassuringly like it always was. Soft eyes followed by his large hand reaching out to hold yours. Your round eyes blinked trying to see him. See him past the water ripples clouding your vision. You felt a warm liquid slide softly down your cheeks before the rippling water gave way.

“Pumpkin, it's okay. We’ve practiced this, remember? Nothing to be worried about, I'll come get you when it’s over.”

You were somewhere mostly dark. The walls were tight and small around you. Your father bent down on one knee, looking into the small wooden cave you reside in. A bright light behind him filtered through his hair softly. Looking down you felt his big hand tighten around your rather small one. Small and soft like it was new to the world. You squeezed his hand back with what little strength you had, urging him not to leave you alone again for just this once.

“D-Dad don’t leave me.” With each word that slipped past your tongue, it sputtered out messily. Your voice was high-pitched and whiny. Desperately wanting to just claw onto the man in front of you so he wouldn’t have the chance to leave. But you also supposed that he was holding onto your hand so tight so that you couldn’t move. So you couldn’t fight to stay with him.

“Baby we’ve been through this I can’t-” a loud rousing of yells erupted from nearby. The piercing sounds of gunfire broke any sense of peace. Each shattering echo made you flinch violently with every draw. Your father turned his head off to the left, eyes trained carefully at something in the room before he looked back at you. All that reassuring love once smeared on his face was gone. Instead that dreaded worry had replaced it.

He let go of your hand quickly. Bringing his hand closer to his torso so you didn’t have a chance to grip him. “I need to go. Stay here. Be silent. Don’t come out unless you hear our secret knock.”

You barely even heard him when he spoke. Barely even processed anything that was happening. All you could hear was your heartbeat twitching in your ears and the sounds of yelling outside.

It made a lump form in your throat. Lunging to either wail or scream or do something. To just do anything but you remained silent. That look in your father's eyes wouldn’t allow anything but silence and you knew that.

So he quickly grabbed something off the wall, using it to close the gap between you and the rest of the world. Between you and him.

Darkness slowly seeped into your space until nothing but a slit of light was fluttering through. Your Dads face peeking in one last time.“I love you Y/N.” He whispered, his voice soft and delicate against your ears like a stray feather floating in the wind.

But before you could even manage to speak he shut the door completely. Leaving you alone with the silence and the screams once again.

__________

Unlike all your other dreams this one didn’t cause you to wake up in a panic. Covered in sweat, your eyes groggily peeled themselves open. Met with just an average wooden ceiling in your view.

Your head was light as if it was full of helium. The corners of your vision were covered in a soft vignette just daring you to fall back asleep. Daring you to slip back into the comfortable numbness. To go back into the hiding place you had so long ago.

That is until you felt a sharp pain erupt in your chest when you breathed in a little too deep. In a rush, you tried to sit up. Contracting your muscles as always but instead of a smooth arising, a sharp pain stabbed at the center of your chest. A yelp escaped your lips and your back immediately stiffened against the cot once more. Jaw clenched in pain as you felt the raw flesh of your throat and lungs. It was like a cat had crawled inside you and scratched down your throat making you regret having made a single noise.

With your head propped up on a thin pillow, you manage to crane your neck to look at the rest of the room.

Am I in a med bay?

It was a small space and there was only one other cot on the other side of the room. The walls only held a whiteboard with some kind of tally marks and a covered window. A couple of counters and cabinets lined tightly right next to you. A mess of what looked like gauze, bandages, and tubs of what you supposed were ointment splayed out. Other than that you were left wishing for more discernible features about where in the hell you are.

Someone had been in here. Someone helped me. Where the hell are they now and what happened?

Being weak and vulnerable in a place you didn’t recognize wasn’t your ideal wake-up situation. But you also supposed whoever brought you here had helped you out. However, that didn’t make the sense of unease in your gut settle down much.

Fingers and palms splaying against the canvas of the cot you tried to ease yourself up yet again. Going at it a bit slower this time yet the second you applied some pressure you hissed in pain. Your hands stinging like sharp needles were tracing each fine line.

Taking your hands off the cot in a swift motion you stared at them now hovering gently above your face. They were both laced tightly with soft yet slightly scratchy bandages. An inkblot test of what you could only assume was blood seeping through parts of them.

I got injured on my literal fucking hands. My stupid hands of all places. What the hell did I do? Fight a raccoon or something?

Rolling your eyes you decided to trace your body for injuries before you tried to sit up again. Hands tracing over your shirt as you looked down at your body.

Wait a minute. Your hands paused, picking up the fabric of your shirt and lifting it closer to your face. This is not my shirt.

Eyes widening to panic you quickly let go of your shirt and felt down your hips to meet the hem of your pants. And these are not my pants.

You were in what seemed to be some spare clothes. Your underwear was still gratefully intact but the rest was just a pair of loose pants and a T-shirt one size too small.

Mouth agape and staring at the ceiling a warm wave of embarrassment washed over you. The apples of your cheeks and the nausea in your gut only getting worse.

Rubbing your hands over your face you tried to hold back any and all complaints. Your voice was fried and no matter how much you wanted to kick yourself and cry about it you just couldn’t.

As you shifted on the cot your hair hit the side of your face. A strong scent that you instantly noticed was the sea lapping at your nose. Your nose scrunched up as you paused your pity fest to sniff at it more tentatively. Not only did your hair smell like seawater, but so did your skin itself. Like you’d been sleeping in a bed of seaweed all night and hadn’t noticed.

Did I go for a swim or something? Gosh did I drown? Even thinking that made you swallow hard. Shame and dread at the fact that you might've done something unwise yet again. But drowning.

The undertones of that world sunk and swallowed your gut hole. Leaving you breathless in the worst of ways as a downpour of shame filled the dips and hills of your mind.

I remember being cold last night. I remember going to that bar. I remember walking home but then I must’ve done something. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Avoiding the imminent doom looming around you, you slipped your hand under your shirt. Immediately feeling the same tight bandage on your side and the center of your chest.

Great so I either have one or two broken bones. You softly rubbed the bandage on your side. Feeling the stark marks of what felt like torn flesh underneath. It wasn’t aching that badly but you knew if you tried to get up again it would.

Bracing yourself for the waves of pain pinching at your flesh you sat up finally. Eyeing the door across the room with small tears pricking your eyes. Your legs surprisingly didn’t hurt at all. They felt tired and worn out as you slung them over the edge of the cot. Yet when you stood up not a shot of pain erupted from anywhere.

Well, that’s good. Just upper body stuff then. You thought, holding onto the cot to try and find your balance. You could feel your body heaving a bit. Which finally let you take notice of the slight sway your body held. However, you couldn’t tell if it was just you being uneasy or the rest of the room swaying along with you.

This…feels familiar. A wave of nostalgia washed over you. Something so distant in your memory yet so raw with emotion. Looking at the window across the room a thought came to mind.

Am I on a boat?

It was a porthole with a blind shut over it. You were almost a bit afraid to go to that window. To open that stupid shade blocking out the warm light of day just to see something maybe you didn’t want to see.

No no no…I’m not on a boat. Why would I be on a boat? This person just likes porthole windows. Weird decorative choice but I’m not one to judge.

Your body crept towards it. A funny yet scared-looking smile tugging at the corners of your lips. If you didn’t see land on the other side of the window something in you was going to snap.

If I just see nothing but ocean on the other side of that window and not even a speck of island then…

You pinched the blind between your pointer and thumb. Lightly tugging on it until it naturally sprung upwards. A wave of light hitting your eyes as you licked your dry lips nervously.

Oh, thank the fucking lord. The docks of your home island were off to your left. The village was out of your line of sight but there was no mistaking the woods and shoreline you’d come to know as home.

Yet this sense of relief didn’t last long. The swaying of your body wasn’t all you then. Nearly pressing your nose to the glass you saw the soft churn of waves hit the hull below you.

So I’m on someone’s boat. A big boat clearly. A stranger's boat. You couldn’t see anything to identify whose boat you were on from this point of view. The window wasn’t the kind that opened so you were stuck just knowing the bare minimum of your situation.

I haven’t been on a ship in…

A growing wave of nausea hit your stomach again. Pitching forward as an unreasonable wave of panic stretches across you.

Walking staggerly to the door you reached out to open it. Giving only a moment's notice to listen quietly for any sound on the other side before quietly turning the knob and peering out.

It was a hallway that stretched out to your left and right. Even if you hadn’t seen the ocean on the other side of that window you still would’ve been able to tell this was a boat from the hallway.

The slightly lower ceilings, the wood paneling making every surface, the lanterns hung up periodically, and the few dozen scratches or patched-up holes from fights. It was tight and it smelled of the sea through faint drafts.

It's as if it had been ripped straight out of your childhood. Taunting you in an eerie reminder of what you were and somehow still suffocating as always.

I have to get out of here.

Without a thought you headed towards your left, closing the med bay door softly behind you. You needed to find a way onto the main deck and though you didn’t know your way around all you needed to find was a set of stairs.

If I’m on the lower side of the hull I gotta be at least one level down. Maybe one or two sets of stairs and I’m out of here.

With panic lacing your heels you noticed an open section of wall lining your right. You hurried towards it as fast as your weak body could manage before turning to see a beloved stairwell leading up. With bated breath, you started to climb it. Your side and chest aching from each little movement. The stairs creaking in some spots which only built upon the nerves ailing you.

When you finally breached onto the upper level you found nothing but another hallway to scour. Though you noticed this hallway was lined with windows unlike the last. Like a projector slide flashing between images, you saw those same windows filled with nothing but the sky and sea. Blurry silhouettes of men much taller than you walking past. Their rough visages and kind smiles just after visions in the blinding light. You blinked in a rush, rubbing over the space of your eyes and fumbling along the hallway.

It was like all the blood had been drained from your body. Weak and lightheaded you swayed with each step. Daring to pass out as another strong wave of nausea wrestled with your gut. It swelled into a deep ache that had you nearly hunched over. Grabbing your stomach tightly and using the wall for support as you shuffled along.

You couldn’t tell why this was happening. Well, you had a good guess but this sudden enveloping feeling constricting your throat was one you’ve had before. Another set of flash card images blurring your vision in memory of your father's much younger face, kneeled to look at you. Looking down the hallway you saw a door at its end. A bright light seeped through the slits and cast warm dusty rays across the floor.

I just need some fresh air. Some fresh air will fix this. I’ll be fine.

Yet this excruciating hallway seemed to be getting tighter and tighter with each step. You watched as the wall groaned as it crept closer toward your hobbled figure. Breath gasping in succession as fear arrogates your veins.

I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here. This thought was a sledgehammer driving into the front of your brain. Forcing you closer and closer to the door until that 30 feet became one and you were a step away from some sense of freedom. With a sweat-covered brow and a shaky hand, you pushed the door open with a loud creak.

Like a flash bomb, the sun hit your face and you could breathe once more.

__________

Kid hadn’t woken up feeling fresh and relieved. He hadn’t woken up with his body feeling in the best shape it's ever been. No aching, no crawling nerve pain, no head thumping like a toddler slapping the shit out of a drum. If he would just lie to himself a little then all of that could be true.

The fact that he had gotten around maybe 5 hours of sleep because he had to stay up in the med bay getting all his bandages replaced wasn’t real. The fact that Killer had to wake up Hip, the only semi-medic on their ship, to clean his stitches wasn’t real. The fact that instead of the screaming fight Kid was expecting from Killer, he was met with silence. Silence that spoke a thousand words of disappointment and shame. Leaving Kid wishing they would’ve just punched it out like they always did.

But what Kid didn’t want to think was real. The thing that absolutely could not be real under any circumstances was the fact that he had brought a girl home. Not the kind of girl wanting cheap sex and some fake affection for just one night. Now that would’ve been normal. If anything maybe that's what he needed on his little break.

Yet instead of a girl dressed in lust, it was the kind that he was forced to stare at for an hour on the other side of the room. The kind that had burned into his retinas so he could see his mistake even when he closed his eyes. A big human-sized mistake just laying there like a corpse daring him to think she was real.

Because the second he reached his ship with you in tow he was hit over the head with a reality anvil. One that broke through the layer of alcohol, delusion, and sadness wrapped around his skull.

They didn’t know whether to treat their captain or the barely alive girl first. Why waste medical supplies on a stranger? So when he had watched Hip look her over he had barely paid attention to her words. Asking him what had happened and why he had brought her back. Though when Kid was finally excused, his body two steps away from slamming against the ground, he gave the fake girl one last look. Hips back to him as her hands traced over the figment of his imagination to check if she was even alive. She had been breathing softly the whole time Kid was forced to get fixed up but she was still dead asleep.

A part of him hoped she wouldn't wake up just so he wouldn’t have to deal with it in the morning.

But of course, morning had come to Kids begrudging dismay. Tossing around in sheets that now reeked of the sea because he hadn’t bothered to take a shower. He smelled, looked, and felt horrible.

I’d rather get beat by a bat than deal with this.

So little to say he started his day in a slump. The late morning did little to motivate him as he washed himself clean and then went to the kitchen to down a jug's worth of water. Dribbles of it spilled down his chin and onto the black tank top he wore. The loose swaying of shorts at his hips and the soft meandering steps of some flip flops gracing the halls.

Thankfully everyone else on the crew had started the day off by going into town to get the shopping done and over with. Kid could nearly see the stacked-up crates lining the dock outside in his near future. Yet he knew if he tried to help he’d get shooed away like some sort of child.

If they want me to be lazy I’ll be fucking lazy. I’m tired of trying.

With black coffee steaming gently out of the cup in his hand he sat down at one of the many tables in the mess hall. Trying to avoid the still very apparent problem that was probably still dead asleep just a floor below him.

He didn’t know what to make of last night. To him, it almost seemed like he was an entirely different person. One that wanted to wallow instead of rise to the challenge. One that wanted to give up instead of fight. One that wanted to save some girl because he could.

What the fuck is wrong with me? He rubbed over his face and brushed back his still slightly damp hair. No goggles to hold it up so it hung a tad bit looser around his face.

I saved one stranger and for what? For her to wake up and give me her thanks? I don’t give a shit about her. I don’t even know that bitches name.

There was no weaseling his way out of knowing why he had saved you. His choice to do it was entirely emotions-based instead of logic. There was no gain, no plan, no need for him to do anything when you fell into the sea.

I just...I just...Kid could barely think the words into existence let alone say it out loud. It’s one of the many reasons Killer had gone silent last night. Because no matter how many times he asked Kid why he did it, Kid couldn’t find an answer.

Kid’s thoughts were interrupted by the soft thudding of shoes walking down the hall. His body naturally froze as he heard the all too familiar footstep pattern of his first mate.

Why isn’t he out there with the rest of the crew? Shouldn’t he have left?

A sky blue and cream-colored mask came into sight as Killer rounded through the doorway. Taking a second to look Kid over but otherwise disregarding him as he turned sharply towards the open doorway of the kitchen. Not a single word leaving his lips.

Great. Now he's going to give me the cold shoulder then huh?

“So what? You’re just not going to talk to me?” Kid questioned demeaningly, a lick of vulnerability swirling underneath the thin surface of his tone.

Killer slowed to a stop, turning his head to gander once more at the redhead's large body filling up a small portion of the mess hall. “No. I just wanted coffee.” His voice was smooth and simple but Kid could still hear the underlying sarcasm he was barely holding back.

Kid clicked his tongue softly. Hardballing Killer as if he had said the most idiotic thing in the world. “So you decided to stay on the boat for some coffee? Shouldn’t you be out there? You’re the one in charge of the restock anyways.”

Killer’s voice punched out a little more than before. As if he was just now fully waking up. “I am but I thought you’d need me here. Can’t leave you alone with our little...problem.”

Is he tired? This thought floated in and out of Kids' brain immediately. Killer was always an early bird compared to him. But he knew if he could see past that mask of his, he might see the unusual purple hue sagging below Killer's eyes.

“I can handle it just fine. I’m going to give it a bit. Drink my goddamn coffee and then go down there and throw our problem out. Simple.” Kid’s voice didn’t sound as resolute as he hoped it would. He didn’t have a plan on how to handle this. He barely wanted to speak to the woman let alone throw her overboard, especially with all the injuries she held.

Injuries and death that me and my crew saved her from. Kid swiped his fingers over his eyes. Rubbing them to let the darkness behind his eyelids swirl.

Killer let out a low grumble and scratched the back of his head. Tufts of blonde hair getting frizzy as his voice became even more fatigued. “Is that right? Well, I think you’ll need me. If only to make sure you two don’t argue and she hopefully just leaves.”

Kid just stared blankly at Killer. Using the small amount of brain power he had left to look him over. He is tired. He only stayed up for an hour to watch me when I was getting patched up. Why the hell does he sound like that?

“Whatever. You don't think I can handle one girl so don’t fucking give me that.” Kid picked up his coffee mug. Taking a slow sip as he tentatively eyed his first mate.

Killer paused before he spoke. Chewing his lips a bit and turning back towards the kitchen doorway. Walking over to it and still talking to Kid despite the distance. “You can handle one girl but I don’t think you can handle one girl that you saved. She’s going to ask questions about what happened and why you did it. I’m going to be there to give answers when you inevitably fuck up and don’t say anything.”

Kids' eyes widened at that. A rush of embarrassment and a bit of anger rose to his cheeks. Taking another quick gulp of his coffee before cocking his head to the side. “You don’t know what I’m going to do. She doesn’t deserve any fucking answers so what does it matter anyways? You don’t have to be her shrink and tell her it's going to be alright.”

Killer's body slipped past the doorway and out of Kid's sight. Letting him only faintly listen to the sounds of him grabbing a mug and picking up the coffee jug. “Well if she was persistent about speaking to us last night then I doubt she won’t be this morning. You’re giving a psychotic fangirl a chance at being on our ship. Better yet the guy she wanted to talk to saved her. She’s going to ask questions. Questions I know you don’t want to answer.”

Killer spoke just loud enough for Kid to hear him. Kids face contorting more and more into pure and utter annoyance at the obvious facts that Killer was spilling. “She’s not a fangirl. We don’t have fans Killer were fucking pirates for Christ's sake.” Kid protested, his voice barely audible to Killer's ears.

“Yes, she is. She followed us last night. I know she messed with you or whatever. But love can often get mistaken for hatred. She probably just lied to herself for an excuse to be around us.”

Kid's eyes nearly popped out of his skull hearing that. The grip against his mug becoming firmer and firmer as he watched Killer stride back into sight. Now holding a steaming cup of coffee and heading over towards him.

“Don’t fucking say that to me.” That was all Kid could manage. If he said anything more than that a blood vessel might pop and he’d be left with the bloodshot eyes of an insane man.

Love can get mistaken for hatred? What the fuck is Killer on right now?

Killer eased down into the chair across from Kid. His mug thudding softly against the wooden table and a low grunt of discomfort rolling off his tongue.“What? Don’t you think that girl was flirting with you? I thought about it last night and it seemed weird. Like she had some sort of other agenda about why she was talking to you besides the whole ‘her being worried about you pillaging the town’ or whatever.”

As Killer settled in with his hand holding up his head by the soft fur of his chin, Kid was tensing up. His jaw stretched and snapped tight like he had to pry it open with a crowbar before speaking. His cheeks turning that uncharacteristically shy shade of red. “I don’t know why the fuck you’re telling me this. She can have whatever agenda she wants. I just don’t ever want to deal with her or see her ever again.”

Killer couldn’t help but find Kid's reaction a bit amusing even if it was surprising. Kid wasn’t one for affection and Killer knew that. That’s why seeing Kid turn red at the thought of this girl's supposed crush was extra funny. So much so that he couldn’t help but make it a little worse. “Then why are you getting red in the face? You’ve had girls swoon over you before. Is it just the fact that this one might want to get into your pants that bothers you?”

“Killer I’m going to reach over this table and rip your head off if you keep this up.”

Killer's tired demeanor became much more mischievous. A wry smile tugged at his lips and he leaned forward to speak in a sarcastic yet smooth and romantic way. “I bet it was amazing for her last night though. A big strong man comes to save her just at the right time-”

“Kil I swear to god-”

“Both of you were drenched and grasping onto one another. Looking into each other's eyes and whispering sweet nothings in the moonlight-”

“Killer shut the fuck up-”

“That girl was probably so turned on she was rubbing her thighs together. Wishing you’d just take her-”

“KILLER!” Killer got fully cut off when Kid lunged at him. Standing up and taking his first mate by the collar to tug him forward. Nearly knocking over his coffee in the process as Kid snarled at him.

Killer could barely hold back a laugh. Smiling wildly underneath his mask he softly patted Kid's arm to ease him off him. “Ah okay okay sorry. Couldn’t help myself. It’s payback for last night anyways.”

Kid's hand slowly loosened up. His cheeks burned a bright fiery red as he sat back down in his seat. Steam nearly puffed out of his nose as he took a deep breath. “Yeah? Well, it's a stupid fucking way to get your payback. It wasn’t like that. Quit making me out to be some kind of hero, asshole.”

Killer eyed his captain in a attentive yet loving way. He loved whenever he got a chance to get under his skin like this.

And maybe this does make up for last night. We don’t have to focus on our fight. Just the girl.

“Well, I’m not letting it go. You saved some girl and brought her home. That’s hero behavior for sure.” Kid looked at Killer dead on, his face going slack with annoyance again. It made Killer pause for a moment feeling just a tad bit guilty, “But maybe it wasn’t romantic at all for her. Forget all that shit I said about love or whatever. I was just spitballing ideas anyway.”

“Well, I could tell. Saying that shit like you had any idea what you were talking about.” Kid rolled his eyes and finished off the last of his coffee. Letting the smooth and bitter liquid roll down into his stomach to gain an ounce of motivation for the day ahead.

Killer took a smooth sip of his coffee through the little bendy straw he brought along. Just nodding his head like he agreed though he was still pretty sure something more was going on with you.

Or maybe all that blushing means something more is going on with Kid.

A sudden loud noise erupted down the hall. It sounded close but at the same time echoed through the small enclosure and into the ears of the two men sitting idly together. Kid's body perked up, looking over at the doorway out into the hall expectantly.

“Is there anyone else on the ship right now?” Kid mumbled, looking over at Killer who had put his mug down almost instantly. Staring at the doorway more hesitantly than Kid.

“No. Just us. Everyone already left. I made sure of it.” They both looked over at each other. Their shared brain cells functioned at a slower rate before they both came to the same conclusion.

“It’s the girl.” Kid whispered, Killer's head nodded in agreement as they both started to stand up and head out into the hall. Kids empty mug and Killers half full one long forgotten as they walked towards the source of the sound.

“Goddamn, I was hoping she’d just stay asleep.” Kid mumbled to himself more than anything. Picking up the pace a bit as two sets of heels rampantly thudded against the wood below.

“I think it came from on deck.” Killer's voice was quiet. Mimicking the hesitation Kid's voice held. If they thought about it enough, they should be making their presence known. Yelling so she didn’t think she could run off with one of their possessions if that's what she wanted. But if they didn’t make their presence known, then maybe they wouldn’t have to deal with her. She could slink away on he own accord without talking to them.

It was a juxtaposition between hesitation and necessity as they reached a door. Pushing it open and stepping out together to scan the deck. A chill ran down Kid's spine as he felt the brisk wind hit his bare legs. Within an instant, he saw you but of course, you had a habit of surprising him at this point.

“Shit.” You mumbled under your breath. Panting softly as you clenched tightly onto the banister of the stairs leading down to the lowest part of the deck. Your face was a shade paler than usual. The blood ran cold inside of you as you desperately tried to pretend you hadn’t slipped on the stairs not a minute ago.

“H-Hey guys. What’s up?” Kid could instantly tell by your voice that you were hanging on by a thread.

Well, I think anyone with eyes could tell she’s a fucking mess.

“What are you doing?” Left Kid's lips before he could even really contemplate what was happening. Walking closer to the upper edge of the stairs to look down at you. Killer in tow with his hands crossed over his wide chest.

You looked between the two large men like you had done the first time you met them. The blondie is still quiet and reserved. The redhead, or Kid you supposed, is demeaning and talkative.

They’re already tall enough. They didn’t have to take the high ground for Christ's sake.

“Nothing.” Kids' eyebrows of course rose at that. Leaving you stuttering to come up with something that didn’t sound stupid. “I mean not nothing but definitely something. I don’t know.” Your body swayed a bit as you gripped the banister even tighter. You’re fingertips turned a shade whiter as you swallowed down what felt like oncoming nausea.

Did they kidnap me? Is that the only reason why they decided to patch me up was to sell me off? I can’t just tell them I’m leaving if that's the case.

“Well, you falling on the stairs doesn’t seem like nothing.” When the blondie spoke it partly startled you, it was the first time you heard his voice. It was similar to Kids as if they were from the same area. But it was slightly higher and more raspy in tone. It almost made you forget what the man had even said. A blush rose to your cheeks as you shook your head defensively.

“Well, I’d like to see you try to walk down some stairs with wounds and nausea asshole.” That slipped past your tongue before you could even reel it back in. Still holding on for dear life as the panic seemingly never wanted to settle in your veins. “I feel like I got gutted. What the hell happened to me?”

Killer didn’t mind being called an asshole, he's been called much worse. But watching you spit that out with such a raw look of utter exhaustion and frustration on your face was a bit much. You seemed to be falling apart right in front of him for some reason.

Was she hurt that bad?

“What the fuck is with you? Are you about to keel over right now?” Kid took Killer's thoughts right out of his mind. The girl had barely walked that far from the med bay but she seemed to be sweating and breathing heavily like she had run a mile.

You frowned at the two men, taking a deep and shaky breath before you spoke. “I don’t like it on this ship. I want off and I want to know what happened.”

Whilst Kid's eyebrows furrowed, Killers raised. Confusion struck both of them at the mere fact that you didn’t seem to remember the events of last night. “So you don’t remember?” Killer asked calmly, taking a hesitant step down the stairs towards you. You’re shaky pupils locking onto him in fear.

“No, I don't remember. I don’t remember anything past…the walk home I think. What the fuck did you people do? Beat me and dunk me in water?”

The instant you said that Kids' anger rose from about an average 5 to an 8 out of 10. His one good hand clenched into a white line of knuckles as he stepped down the stairs in a stomping motion towards you. “We didn’t fucking beat you dumbass! We helped you. If I wanted to beat you I’d do a much better job than the fucking ocean did.”

The second Kid started stomping down the stairs towards you, you turned around. Finishing off the last couple of steps with trembling knees and scurrying out into the middle of the deck a good distance away from him. “Stay the fuck away from me!” You yelled putting your hands up defensively even though you felt like a pile of Play-Doh.

Kid paused when he reached the bottom of the stairs. Clicking his tongue and watching you with predator-like precision. “That’s not a nice way to say thank you.”

If your frown couldn’t get any deeper then somehow it found a way. Your throat tightening up like his huge fist was somehow already around you. “What do you mean the ocean? I..drowned didn’t I?” You ignored his other comments. This man didn’t deserve a thank you until you knew what had happened.

“Yes, you fucking did brat. Your fatass fell into the ocean. You ended up here with a fresh set of bandages.”

You barely even registered the insults he was throwing your way. Just swallowing hard as he called you a fatass before wearily speaking once more.“But…how…how did I end up falling into the ocean?” Your voice became a hint softer, frustration bleeding into sadness and maybe even regret.

“Because you’re an idiot that's why. You thought the jetty was a walkway and got swallowed up. It's all your fault so don’t blame me.”

Kids' harsh words hit you hard. Eyes daring to prick with tears as you took a minute to just settle into what you had learned. A weak and bandaged hand raked through your hair as you stared at the ground below you. “Shit.”

The two men just watched you work through it. Both of them having a hard time trying to understand why the hell you seemed so sad about it.

What the hell is wrong with this girl?

“Quit being a brat and dwelling in it. You survived and because you survived you get the honor of personally walking off my ship all by yourself like a big girl.” No matter how hard Kid tried he couldn’t strain himself to be any more reassuring than that. It's not like he wanted to be reassuring but you seemed to be an absolute mess in need of a push. A push off his ship that is.

And though Kid was taking a more aggressive approach Killer couldn’t help but notice the turmoil you were in. Walking past Kid and slowly approaching you with as much benign energy as he could. “Are you okay?”

You looked horrible. Face still a shade paler and your eyes glossed over somewhat. The clothes they had given you stuck to your skin with sweat. Your body swayed even more as if you were caught in a much stronger current than the one currently rocking at the boat.

His voice barely reached your ears. Those same memories, visions, and blood-curdling screams drowning you out. The warm fire on your skin. The ice-cold water in your blood. You tried not to pay attention to it. Eyelashes fluttered closed as you rubbed over your eyes. The darkness did little to help you as you stumbled backward.

Something took hold of Kid's heels as he walked closer to you. Stepping past Killer to land just a few feet in front of you. His chin tilted down to leer at you though his eyes couldn’t help but wander. Trying to pierce through the strange weak form of a woman you had become.

“What’s wrong? You’re fine. It can’t hurt that bad if you’re walking.” He spoke, his voice a bit quieter yet still just as harsh.

What the hell is she doing? Faking this shit for sympathy? Nothing bad is happening.

Hearing Kids' deep voice so close startled you out of your stupor. Your shoulders twitching as you finally slip your hands off your face to look up at him.

Kids eyes widened seeing wet crystal-like tears on the ridges of your eyes. Mouth going slightly agape and eyebrows raising in what you assumed was disgust.

“I’m fine. I can handle the pain. Just get me off this ship.”

Kid was confused to say the least.

Is she crying because she got hurt or because…she doesn’t want to be near me? Because she wishes it wasn’t me that saved her? For some reason that thought made his mind blare red. You’re once helpless figure now cast in something weak and greedy in his mind. A leech on the stray strands of his kindness that he felt like plucking and squishing to death between his fingers.

“Are a few screws loose up there or something? Why the hell are you crying? I let you on my ship that you were drooling over. I used my supplies to bandage you up. I gave you my precious and invaluable attention for more than a few minutes. I even risked my life to save your ass. You should be fucking thankful not crying.”

Killer's mask glided between the two of you. Your face scrunched up in confusion as your lips parted to speak. But before you could utter a single word he piped up. “Kid, what are you doing? I told you I could handle this.” Both you and Kid looked over at him like you had forgotten he was even there. A deep scowl turning more rich with wrath as Kid eyed Killer.

“I’m doing what I fucking want to. I told you I didn’t need your help.” Kid stormed closer, forehead laced with lines as he kept breaching the gap between you and him.

You couldn’t help but look at Kid with even more confusion. Phasing past his words speaking of your ungrateful self to focus on one part that didn’t quite make sense. “Wait did you just say you...saved me? Were you the one that found me?” Wiping your tears with the back of your hand in a quick motion you took a tiny step closer to the man. Not at all afraid of that look of wrath he seemed to be fostering in his eyes.

It was Kid's turn to feel a spike of panic as his cheeks daringly went a shade red. “N-No I didn’t save you! You’re a fucking idiot to assume I’d save someone as worthless as you. I would let you drown without a thought so don’t get me wrong and quit avoiding the question. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Despite the obvious turmoil you were feeling, another round of anger splashed into the cesspool of your mind. “Nothing is wrong with me! I’m fine. I just don’t like being on ships. I need to get the fuck off this thing like right now.” You looked away from Kid, shuffling towards the nearest banister parallel to the dock.

With one brutal step Kid bounded towards you once again. Spit flying past his red-painted lips as he spoke. “What do you mean you don’t like being on ships? Are you seasick or something? My boat is barely swaying ya baby.”

“It’s not sea sickness. I just don’t like it okay? Can you quit asking me why and just help me?” You kept just trying to walk away from Kid. Eyes scanning the deck trying to figure out where they kept that plank to walk down on.

Kid paused as he watched you. Your short fluffy head whisked in the wind as you helplessly looked around for a way off.

Is this girl always a helpless little puppy?

“Well, I’m not helping you until you thank me. So get off this boat yourself or fucking fall off I don’t care.”

“Kid don’t you want her gone?” Killer whispered huskily. Of course, it caught your ears though. Turning your head briskly to look between the two men as they exchanged sideways glances.

“What I want is a thank you from her but she’s too much of a brat to cough it up.” Kid laid it on real thick as he spoke. Taking the time to pronounce brat harshly as if his tongue was dripping with venom.

You swiveled your head back towards Kids. Sharp teeth coming into sight as you snarled at him. “Can you stop patronizing me? Quit acting like you're the better person here or that I owe you anything.”

“You do owe me something! A goddamn thank you and maybe an apology while you’re at it. Do you think you deserve to be on my ship? Do you think I wanted to deal with you? I’ve been putting up with you the moment I came ashore instead of fucking relaxing like I was supposed to!”

“How is that my fault?! You never had to talk to me at the bar. You never had to save me or whatever you and your crew did. I was just there doing what I wanted to and you made it your problem. So boo-hoo bitch you fucked up your vacation!” You flung your arms in the air and brashly pointed at him. Quickly turning around and stomping towards the banister in a rush. You gripped its wooden edge, leaning down to look at the fear-inducing height between you and the dock.

Kid couldn't believe what he had heard. Well, he could believe the name-calling and the crass tone in your voice. And though those things made him want to boil over it also made him want to disappear. You were right. He did inherently inject himself into all of your problems. He put himself into the line of fire that was you. And though he knew this deep down it wasn’t going to stop him from telling himself that it was a lie. That you were the villain plotting nefarious plans to make his life a living hell. That the moment you were finally gone maybe things would start going his way. Even so, he didn’t exactly understand why he wasn’t just escorting you off his ship if that was the case.

My life would be easier with her gone. So why do I need this? Why am I keeping her here? She means nothing to me.

That thought crossed his mind just to turn his cheeks red. His knuckles were white as he wiped off the small layer of sweat across his brow. He could feel his stump twitching with a pulse. The new bandages doing little to hide the fiery sensation pinching at his nerves.

That’s it. I’m ripping her fucking head off. He watched you with keen eyes. Not willing to speak in case he let something slip that was beyond him. Beyond what he was willing to admit.

Killer cautiously stepped closer to Kid with pleading yet gentle steps. “Hey, I can handle this. Go inside. She’s being a bitch I realize but you're in no shape to-”

“To do what? Kill this bitch? Let me handle it Kil. She’s my problem.” Kid roared, your head jerking backward to watch the two men. With yet another string of panicked actions, you tried to sling your foot over the banister. A ripping pain snapping through you as it pinched the injury on your side.

If there is a God can they just give me a break and let me get off this damn thing!

With quick succession, you tried to jump onto the banister once more. Hooking one foot over quickly and bouncing up to sit on the carved railing. Your ass slammed against the ridged wood making you grunt and lean over in pain. Hanging one leg off the side of the boat as you looked down to sea the line between dock and saltwater below you.

“What the fuck are you doing? Do you want to fall off?” Kid couldn't believe how stupid you were. Your round body hanging off the edge into what could be yet another nose dive into the ocean. “Are you trying to drown again because believe me sweetheart I can make that happen.” He growled walking towards you.

That look on his face spoke a million words and all of them screamed murder. But in the other direction was of course a one-story drop that made piss nearly trickle down your legs.

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.

“Okay okay! I’m sorry! I said I’m fucking sorry so stop!”

This wasn’t your proudest moment but it was one you hoped to walk away from with all your limbs intact. Despite your pleas, Kid didn’t come to a stop. Still barreling towards you as if he hadn’t heard a thing. You tried to shuffle off the banister but he was already right up on you. Watching with shadowed eyes as he leaned uncomfortably close. His face was a mere foot away as his one arm grabbed onto the railing to close you in.

“I don’t know. That didn’t sound very genuine to me. How about you try again?” The intensity of his voice was suffocating you. His mountain of a body caging you in and his face far too close for comfort.

You could nearly feel his breath fan across you as your cheeks slowly blossomed a deep red. Trembling lips followed by a quiet voice to match your submission. “I’m sorry for bothering you and being a nuisance.” You swallowed hard, dryness tearing at your already sore throat. If your blood was cold before it had gone even colder.

Kid's eyes flickered between yours. Soaking in that look of fear and desperation running across your face. It was palpable to the point where he could taste it on his tongue. Sweet and sour like the softness of your voice but the bitterness in your eyes.

Finally, the kind of reaction I deserve. He thought without a word. The silence between the two of you was so raw with tension. Egging on your fear even more. “And what else do we say? Don’t make me push you off so be a good girl and just say it.”

Confusion flashed through you. Blinking back and forth between his amber orbs. “What?” Your voice was so soft Kid could barely hear it. Cheeks going aflame as you leaned off to one side trying to get away from him. But as soon as you did that the boat tipped. A wave rocking along with you and your pants providing little friction to keep you upright. You tried to squeeze with your thighs but they slipped along with your hands. “K-Kid help!” You yelped, your body slipping right off the banister towards the waters below.

Kids eyes widened watching this all unfold right in front of him. He didn’t make a move to help you right away but as soon as your body dipped too far off and your legs unhooked from the banister he reached out. Taking hold of your forearm with a vice-like grip. “F-Fucking hell.” He let out a deep grunt. Abs leaning over and onto the railing to reach you. Your once-falling body now slack against the side of the hull. A wretched yell of pain escaped you as your injuries spasmed.

“Ahh fuckin shit K-Kid help me up!” Your other hand grasped onto Kid's forearm. Feet trying to kick upwards to propel you more.

“You’re not fucking light ya know!” He inhaled deeply through his teeth. His jaw clenched tight as he struggled to keep ahold of you. You’re soft arm slipping in his sweaty hand.

“Captain?”

Kids' eyes break away from your lingering stare up at him. Finally noticing the contents of the dock below. A line of his crewmates were standing idly watching the two of you. A few baskets and crates in hand as if they had paused mid-step to spot the two of you.

Kid didn’t know what to say. Almost forsaking you as his arm naturally went limp. “Kid!!” His body flinched back into life when he heard your voice again. Muscles contracting once more to reapply pressure before you slipped out of his grasp.

You didn’t dare look down at the crowd below you. Eyes focused on Kid and the fast approaching footsteps of what you assumed was Killer not too far behind. But Kid's eyes weren’t on you. Dare say they had paused in one particular spot further down the dock towards the island. Once wide and glossy with embarrassment now honed and focused on something else.

“Who is that?” Kids voice was low and quiet. Pulling you up towards him with a breathy grunt. Killer finally took up the space beside Kid. Grabbing onto your other arm and effectively sliding you over the banister like a towel.

Sliding onto the deck your head almost slammed right into Kid's chest. Killer quickly let go of your arm. Grabbing you by the shoulder to steady you until you stayed upright.

“Y/N?” a voice called. With wobbly knees and blushing cheeks, you held tightly onto Kid's arm for support. Your breath hitching in the realization of who Kid was asking about. Slowly and unsurely you turned your head towards the source of the voice, only to find the worst-case scenario just standing there.

“H-Hi Dad.”

A/N: Okay okay okay I realize that I’m making Y/N like EXTREMELY clumsy for no reason. It’s apart of her character yes but I promise she isn’t always the classic clumsy girl in need of saving trope!! Things will change. She will get better. She’s just GOING THROUGH IT right now. I mean like drowning, then on boat you don’t know, to fear for lore reasons, to angry man threatening you, to almost dying again!! Like it’s BAD BAD for her rn. ALSO I hope ya’ll are concocting some sweet ideas y/ns past lol. I feel like I’m making it too apparent but I’m also not sure??? There’s a lot to unpack there.

[wytchwyse]

So now that I've calmed down a little bit, I want to talk about what prompted my previous Post. I had recently joined the most ridiculous group on Facebook called "all things occult". And there was just the strangest environment in there, but I was just curious and wanted to see if I can engage with people on there in a healthy way, I learned very quickly You cannot lol. Now I probably talk a lot about folk magic on here, folk magic is very important to me. I grew up with bits of folk magic from both Appalachia and Italian-American culture. Pretty sure I said this before but I'll say it again. My father is Appalachian, my mother Italian American. My father would often have all sorts of stories and little bits of mountain wisdom for me when he was having a good day. He taught me a lot about respecting nature and animals, he taught me that you don't just take from nature essentially saying that nature could get back at you. He talked a lot about dreams and having the sight. On my mother's side there was always talk of the Dead visiting my family After funerals.there could be found Catholic talismans hidden around the house for Protection, my grandmother kept a St. Michael pendant by the hot water heater because she was always afraid of fire. And you want to know something,We never had a fire. This growing hate boner for folk magic is incredibly problematic. It is incredibly culturally insensitive, And without even meaning to it's classist. Religious trauma, particularly at the hands of Christianity, is a massive problem. But here's the thing about christian folk magic traditions. Folk magic cannot be separated from Christianity, but folk magic is sorcery and animism and is not sanctioned by any church or any Christian authority. It is still heretical and blasphemous to them. You can hate Christianity, and you do not have to practice folk magic , but folk magic belongs in Pagan And occult spaces no matter your feelings on the issue. There are plenty of trad witches and folk practitioners who are dual faith, and there are many who Care very little about religion and more about the relationships we build with spirits and the religions that they come from.

[angelwithdemonictendencies]

know me the way you know your childhood scars, like breathing; i wasn’t running but if i was i’m glad it was to you.

tz11 x reader: a small town, a fresh start, a shared heart.

(warnings: blasphemous filth, unprotected penetrative sex (m on f), hair pulling, thigh-riding (this is newish), dirty talk (if you're new, welcome!), mentions of previous relationship being awful, i know i'm forgetting stuff but all my typical things. (please be warned, don’t read if you’re not 100% sure.)

(a/n: here we go again! i feel the way taylor must when she rereleases music. i love love love this one, i'm happy and grateful to share it with you, again. every now and then i think of the dibs/butterscotch part and i get all fuzzy inside. the matt boldy subplot is still my favorite. let's all pretend, when we read this, that the mullet is not a thing. also, if i posted little snippets of new stuff i've been working on (none of it is x reader, but all of it is hockey inspired), would anyone read it? let me know. i love you and your snakes. be good to yourself).

this was probably a terrible idea, you thought, with your suitcases beside you, your head in your hands at the foot of the bed that would be yours for the foreseeable future. one bed of several at a local inn - local to this town, at least, not local to you.

no, you thought, jittery with unknowing and chance and uncertainty, none of this was familiar to you. not this town in the middle of nowhere, hundreds and hundreds of miles from your hometown, your university. not any of the few people you had interacted with, not the uber driver, the inn keeper, the housekeeping staff.

not one part of this place, this experience, not one part was familiar. but that's what you'd wanted, wasn't it? that was the whole point?

you'd wanted to find yourself, wanted to prove that you could take care of yourself, exist on your own, thrive outside of the bubble that was university.

you wanted a fresh start, away from ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend, their betrayal still fresh, a wound scabbing over on your heart. you wanted to breathe deeply and not worry about who was watching you exhale - a place where nobody knew you, where nobody could whisper about the girl whose boyfriend was cheating on her with her best friend. for three years. she's so stupid, how could she not have noticed?

well, here, you decided, that's what you would get. a humble job as a diner waitress lined up to start tomorrow, a booked room with no check-out date, not a laugh you'd recognize for miles and miles.

this is what you'd wanted, you told yourself, now, loneliness settling in your mouth the way the powder on sour candy does. this is what you have.

completely exhausted from travel and emotional havoc, you passed out that night amidst dreams of fresh starts and trees too tall to see you behind them.

such a lovely image did not last nearly an hour into the next morning, the first day of your new job, just a block or so from the inn you were staying at.

this was part of the reason you had chosen this place for your self-discovery journey, after all - the urgent hiring, competitive wage, amazingly low price for room and board.

you had worked in your university's coffee shop for a year or two to help pay your tuition, so, honestly, how different could it be?

very different, you realized, almost immediately. they were hiring urgently for a reason, which meant there was practically nobody there to train you. one of the line cooks, of all people, just threw you an apron and a name tag to wear over your uniform-compliant black skirt and shirt, mumbled something about a welcome, enunciated something louder about table three needing service.

and so your self-proclaimed new life began completely unceremoniously, with a name-tag that misspelled your name, the smell of waffles and western omelets permeating the air like some grandmother's perfume in an old living room.

at the very least, the business made the time pass quickly, as you paced from table to table, only pausing briefly to introduce yourself to the line, the host, the several curious patrons who asked about you.

"new girl," some impossibly old man husked, "they not have hot coffee where you're from?" he grimaced as he took another sip. "cold as a winter's -"

"okay, that's enough," his companion said, a woman, probably in her mid-twenties, with blonde hair chopped short. she gave you a sympathetic look, like you two were sharing some inside joke. you liked her immediately. "he's had about twelve cups already. don't mind him."

you felt your mouth tick up in a smile for what might have been the first time this morning as you introduced yourself to her, and her father, who you learned everyone affectionately called "old man peters." you learned that the young woman's name was bridget, and she insisted on giving you her number, in case you had any questions, or wanted to get together, or needed anything at all.

your day was already looking up, you thought, as you lifted your sulking ponytail from you back, loose strands curling at the nape of your neck, around your ears. bridget and old man peters bid you goodbye, and then the young host, a boy who stuttered so much over his name that you still didn't quite know what it was, sheepishly alerted you that he had seated a group at the booth in your section.

your flipped to a new page in your notepad as you walked back to the booth, your gaze quickly being tugged up by a drawl-ish voice blurting out "dibs! i call dibs!"

such as exclamation was followed by several groans and one "not fair, you're the only one facing the door."

your brow was slightly scrunched in confusion when you stood at the head of the group's table, four pairs of eyes faced to you in a way that made you feel like a politician about to give a speech.

you cleared your throat, not quite looking anyone in the face. "good morning," you said, "can i get you guys started with some drinks?"

you looked up from your notepad, clicking your pen against the surface of it, taking in the table of - well, you weren't really sure. construction workers, maybe? craftsmen? the four of them had on heavy canvas-like jackets, worn and worked in, highlighter-bright shirts underneath, callused hands that your observant eyes took note of immediately. they were young, too, probably about your age, which made you blush, only a little. these were not the kind of guys you had met in college, the kind who you would have taken a class on freud with, the kind who thought everything with a woman's hand around it was a phallic symbol.

"just coffee," one of them said, short. he tacked on a please when one of his friends smacked him lightly on the back of the head.

you motioned with your pen around the whole table. "for everyone?" you asked, but the question stumbled out of your mouth when your eyes caught on the last of the four, the one on the bench on the right, closest to you.

that sharp face, high cheekbones and cut jaw, should have been so serious, you thought, like some kind of statue, the kind your art history friends would have fawned over in a museum you didn't really want to go to. he should have been so serious, angular like that, but he was anything but. mirth danced in his eyes, so bright they almost sparkled. his full mouth was fixed in a sort of perpetual smirk, so ready to laugh that he was already halfway there. he had the lines around his eyes that told you his full smile would tear you in two.

you were probably staring at him, you realized, flushing deeper as his smirk broke free into something wider, all over his face.

"see, guys," he spoke, that goofy drawl you had noticed on your way over, nothing like the pretentious academics who spoke in circles. he leaned back in the booth. "doesn't matter that i called dibs. she likes me best anyways."

your face scrunched up in some combination of disbelief and hidden delight. "wait," you began, "when i was walking over here, when you said something about dibs," you fixed him with what you hoped was a glare, "you were calling dibs on me?"

he shrugged off his jacket, drawing attention to his wide shoulders, arms thick even through his bright long sleeve. you snapped your gaze back to his eyes, which shimmered, telling you that you'd been caught. "what's the big deal?"

you scoffed, blew a stray curl from your eye line. "you don't call dibs on people," you said.

"yeah, trevor," one of his friends teased, "what's wrong with you?"

"where to begin?" one of the others said, almost lost in thought.

"c'mon, sugar," trevor said, tilting his head, "'s a compliment, yeah?" his gaze rolled down your frame, almost gelatinous, meeting your eyes again reluctantly. "only 'cause you're so pretty, hm?"

you rolled your eyes, fixed your gaze on the one across from him, the one who looked the least engaged. "but, trevor," you whined, stretching out his name like salt-water taffy, "what if i wanted-" you paused, looked down at the blonde just below you.

"matt," he said, practically bored. you nodded your thanks.

"what if i wanted matt?"

his posture grew even more relaxed as he shifted his knees wider under the table. "oh, what if, sugar?" he mused, his eyes so expressive, never off of you for a moment.

"she's gonna spit in your coffee," matt said.

"how about we cut out the middle man and she just spits in my mouth?" he chirped, smirk so telling it made you flush pink.

you mumbled something about decorum before walking away in a flurry of annoyance and excitement. you couldn't really tell the difference, you realized, as you gave the poor host a pot of coffee and asked him kindly to drop it off at the back booth.

you were not something to be called dibs on, that was for sure, and you were here to find yourself, not anyone else, certainly not some guy. even if some guy had soft-looking hair and a witty mouth. even then.

you took a stabilizing breath and got back to work, noting that the back booth only got coffee, only stayed for about twenty minutes before making to leave, heavy jackets loud as they shrugged them back on.

three of the guys called out their thanks and headed out, leaving only a standing trevor there when you approached to settle their bill. thumbing through his wallet, he grinned down at you when you finally stood in front of him again.

he was taller than you thought, you realized, as he now stood at full height. you had to crane your neck slightly to look him fully in the face.

"thought you'd be shorter," you said, honestly, hoping to knock him down a peg, however mean that might have been. but of course he only smirked.

"get that a lot," he drawled, selecting a bill, putting his wallet back in his pocket with hands you had to force yourself not to stare at. "been told 've got the personality of a short guy in the body of a tall one."

you shook your head. of course someone had told him that.

you couldn't really ruminate on that, though, as he stuck the twenty in the front pocket of your apron, as well as something with a slight weight to it, urging an angry pink to the tops of your ears, the feeling of his wide hand warm, so close to you.

you peered up at him, sucked on your teeth as he pulled out his hand slowly, that ever-present smirk almost faltering at your gaze.

"thanks for the service, sugar," he said, and you probably imagined the way the end of his words sounded strained. "see you around, yeah?"

you didn't break eye contact, only let yourself smile back at him before turning and getting back to work, letting the push and pull of waitressing lull you into a rhythm during which it was practically impossible to think too heavily about bright eyes and broad shoulders.

by the end of your shift, you had been officially tired out. you were sure your hair reeked of coffee, and your ankles ached from standing all day.

going to empty your apron, however, right before you left, your hand settled on the bill from earlier, but also several wrapped butterscotch candies. your face contorted as you stared at them, wondering why trevor had put them there.

exhaustion won over curiosity though, as you thanked everyone for your first day and walked the short block back to the inn.

this won't be that bad, you were thinking to yourself as you walked up the stairs. you already had the phone number of a maybe-friend, after all, and as far as jobs went, this one could be a lot worse. good money, good way to meet new people, maybe even something pretty to look at -

as if summoned by your thoughts, when you turned out of the staircase to your hallway, there trevor was, standing on a ladder, looking into the ceiling, some box of tools on the floor.

you narrowed your eyes, bag suddenly feeling heavy on your shoulder. the presence of a new figure drew his gaze to you, and you had to scold your heart, the way it beat like a teenager at the way he looked at you, then. you didn't know him, after all, and you weren't here for anything romantic.

"you followin' me, sugar?" he asked, stepped down from the ladder, making his way over to you. his voice was slow and tired, from whatever he had done that day. you were shocked at the fact that you wanted to know what that was. his gaze shone as he gently took your bag from your shoulder and slugged it onto his own, fell into step beside you. you let him. "tell me you're following me."

you rolled your eyes, but the small smile on your face wasn't going anywhere. "this is where i'm staying," you explained, "so, if anything, you're following me."

you stopped in front of your door, leaned back against it, suddenly in no rush to lock yourself behind it, alone. not when he was on this side of the door, looking like this.

almost weary with hard work, but not weary enough to sour him, just enough to make his movements and expressions slightly slower, lazier, more indulgent, like they were drenched in chocolate ganache. not when he was here, looking at you like this, like you were the most interesting thing he'd ever seen.

after years at some preppy, pretentious university, at which ingenuity was the most valuable currency, one you felt you lacked so disgustingly, was it really too surprising that you softened under his gaze? that you wanted to stay in it, just a little bit longer?

"sugar?" he asked, head tilted, and you realized he had been talking.

"sorry, what?" you asked, your voice soft like sponge cake, willing your eyes to focus, your mind to focus harder.

he didn't tease you too badly, though, only let his smile grow sharper with a smirk. "i said that 'm sorry if i hurt your feelings with the dibs stuff," he said, and you were almost confused at his apology. you weren't even upset, and when was the last time someone had apologized to you so quickly after doing something?

your memory cut hazily to your ex, somehow trying to convince you it had been your fault that he cheated on you, that it was something you were lacking that had inevitably led him to do that. you practically shivered, then internally scolded yourself for comparing trevor, whom you had met today, you reminded yourself, to your ex-boyfriend.

"'s fine," you said, waving him off, your back softening further into the door. "didn't really hurt my feelings."

his eyes flashed. "didn't really or didn't, sugar?" he asked, searching your face.

you swallowed, acutely aware of his attention, how it slid down your nose, your cheeks, your jaw, slow and thick as sludge. "didn't."

he gave a nod. "'m sorry anyway," he said, and it came out low. "if you really want to go for matt, i won't stop you."

and part of you wanted to blurt out i don't want matt!

but it was your first day in this place, and honestly, you were still kind of hung up on his apology, and the way it sounded from his chapped lips, and you knew to correct him would be exactly what he wanted.

so you just said "thank you," and were shocked at how gentle it sounded.

"jesus christ, distracted, are we, trev?" the voice of the young inn-keeper called from the end of the hallway. he seemed awfully chipper as he approached, hands in his pockets. "i came up to check on your progress," he said, "or lack thereof, i guess." he looked between the two of you. "now i see who's stolen your attention."

"i'm on my legally-required fifteen minute break," trevor said, half-smiling, turning back to you. "sugar, you know my brother, griff?"

you nodded, suddenly clocking the subtle ways their appearances drew from each other. trevor was taller, griff had a wider face, bigger features. but they had the same eyes, same strong nose, mirroring grins. "he owns my room," you said, dumbly, tiredly.

griff only smiled. "she's had a long day, trev, leave her be."

trevor searched your face again, seemed to find all the proof he needed - your heavy eyelids, drooping shoulders. he gently handed your bag back to you. "i'll see you tomorrow, sugar," he said, as soft as you'd heard him. so soft it startled you. "sweet dreams."

"goodnight," you said to both of them, shutting the door behind you. sleep came easily that night, again, with dreams less so of hiding behind trees and more so of rough hands and laughing eyes.

you were surprised, pleasantly so, at how quickly you fell into a routine in your new home. surprised at how quickly you let yourself call this place that.

maybe it was the way that bridget wasn't just being polite when she had given you her phone number, as she had quickly set up dates to show you all her favorite hiking spots around. your weekly hikes with her became a highlight as she told you more about the town, about her young daughter, about book club, about anything and everything. she was so kind with you that you found yourself so comfortable confiding in her. it felt so easy calling her a friend.

maybe it was the way the town seemed to accept you as one of their own so quickly and genuinely. the line cooks flirted with you in the way only line cooks do (in ways that would not be acceptable outside of a kitchen). they made you food to take home, kept you from starving. the host, harry, began to trust you enough that he asked for your help on homework. the regulars began to recognize you, know your name, ask how you were doing. griff checked in on you, asked if anything was wrong with the room, said you should feel free to use his kitchen anytime (as your room was the simplest kind, and didn't have any cooking appliances). you began to know the names of the streets, the stores, the store owners. your fresh start was starting to feel like just that - a start.

or maybe it was that same group of guys who came in every morning, at the same time, who ordered only coffee and then left in a flush of waves and heavy jackets and called-out salutations. you learned that the one with the curly hair, alex, was the quietest, probably the smartest. his closest friend, cole, was the shorter one, who had the loudest laugh. and matt was warming up to you, you thought. the more you made fun of trevor, the more he seemed to like you.

it was that same group, every day, who came in loudly and left louder, who had paint and dirt smudged on their shirts, their hands. who drank coffee like it was water. who laughed like it was easy as breathing, and maybe that was how it was supposed to be.

and, of course, there was trevor, who, the more you got to know him, the more trouble he became. every day, his "good morning, sugar," would reverberate through your chest, and you would drop a pot of coffee at their table, ask how they were doing, listen for their answers.

some comments about how old man peters' roof is caving in, and he should have told them about it probably a year ago, or about how the police chief's plumbing is fucked, or about how they were going over to fix bridget's sink that day. and, if it was the last one, matt would flush, which would make your eyes widen, would make you pepper him with questions about his crush.

and then, at some point during their morning break, trevor would ask something about you, about how you were, about the way you were wearing your hair, the shoes you were wearing, the book you had been reading the week before. and then, as he left, without fail, he would slip a bill and several butterscotch candies into your apron pocket, each time his hand growing heavier, more significant as it settled so close to you.

it didn't particularly help your small crush that you saw him everywhere. he was always fixing something - in the diner, at the inn, in the park downtown. you couldn't escape him and his deft hands, his working mind, his strong frame and easy laugh and addictive smile.

he was everywhere, so of course he would be here, at the grocery store, after your shift one day. you were roaming the isles, looking for a specific kind of vinegar, your basket hoisted up onto your hip, when a low whistle made you turn. you were met with that lazy smirk, your favorite one of his, the nighttime one, the tired one. he approached you, his work boots heavy on the ground.

"you followin' me, trevor?" you asked, repeating what become something of an inside joke between the two of you.

"maybe," he said, looking down at you, shimmering eyes framed by long lashes. "do you want me to be following you, sugar?"

you hummed, noncommittal, some harmony between the fluorescent lights above, the whir of the fridges the next isle over. you turned back to the shelving, resumed your survey of the contents. "your brother offered his kitchen for me to use while he's out tonight," you said, not looking at him.

"did he?" trevor mused, an almost undetectable bite in his tone.

you nodded, eyes alight with excitement. "been eating pancakes and chicken noodle soup for weeks now," you said, referring to what the line cooks sent you home with. "swear my mouth's watering just thinking about something different." you ran a thumb along your bottom lip, as if checking for spit.

if you had been looking at trevor, you would have see his shallow swallow, the way his eyes tracked your movement, how his gaze hung from your mouth like lacy ribbon. he cleared his throat.

you finally located the vinegar you wanted, on the very top shelf. pushing yourself up on your tiptoes, you reached the tips of your fingers for the bottle, only just out of reach.

trevor only chuckled as he grabbed the bottle easily, took the basket from your hip and into his own hand, dropping the vinegar into it.

"i can carry that, you know," you said, suddenly wishing you had something to do with your hands.

"i know," he said, smug.

you rolled your eyes, huffed a thank you, anyways.

"so, what're you making?" he asked as you led him from aisle to aisle, loading your basket with ingredients.

you explained to him how, in college, this one salad had been your absolute favorite to make when you needed something that made you feel good. something about the combination of arugula, kale, chickpeas, sweet potato, whatever other vegetables you had on hand, sometimes chicken, if you were feeling fancy, something about the simple dressing of oil and vinegar - it was perfect. no meal left you feeling as good as this one did.

and it was how you had made it entirely on your own, too - it wasn't some fancy steak dinner your ex had buttered you up with after a fight, it wasn't boxed brownies shared with your old best friend the night before you found out - no, this was all you.

when you looked back at trevor, there was something molten in his gaze. "sounds amazing," he said, low, like he didn't want anyone else to hear.

you tilted your head, let your smile slant across you face, scrunched up your nose, teasing. "would you want to join me for dinner, trevor?"

his face split into a grin. "i would," he said, "i would want to, please."

and so you found yourself fumbling around someone else's kitchen with an audience, washing kale and peeling sweet potatoes with fingers that twitched towards the figure across the counter, practically irritated that they weren't touching him.

you scolded your hands to behave, which became easier as the night went on, as conversation flowed like cranberry juice, the flavor of it lingering in your mouth just the same.

he might ask you about how the diner was going, to which you would look around as if to make sure no one was there. his eyes would flash. you would miss this.

"harry's been making some real progress in precalc," you would say from behind your hand, speaking of the host, whom you had come to view very fondly. "and you didn't hear it from me, but i think he's going to ask his friend jason to the school dance next weekend."

you would be flushed with excitement and pride, and trevor wouldn't be able to get much beyond that, honestly, the way it lit you up from the inside out.

but then he would clear his throat, and lean forward on his hands, and tell you that if harry needed help asking jason to the dance, he knew exactly the best crew for the job.

"don't tell me you're talking about your rag-tag group of misfits," you would say, cocking a brow as you dressed the kale and arugula.

and he would feign offense, place a broad hand over his heart. "i'll have you know that this group of misfits went 16/16 in high school dance invitations," he would say. "all four of us, all four years."

you might roll your eyes. "real band of heartbreakers, were you?" you would say.

and laughter would shine behind his eyes like christmas tree lights behind store windows, and he would stretch his arms above his head, lazily, comfortably. "'course not," he would say, his voice the sort of raspy that comes with stretching, "only alex."

and this would pull a real laugh from you, as you tossed everything together, the kind of laugh that rung in his ears, that made him pleasantly dizzy.

as the night passed on, time moving altogether too fast and the kind of slow that oozes, you would learn about how he grew up in this town, how he went to trade school, how he had had the same friends his entire life. you would ask questions about if he ever felt the desire to leave (not really), how he got into manual labor (he never really felt like he was that good at anything else), what his family was like (close, but not overbearingly so).

and, in turn, between bites and sips and laughs, you would tell him about how you grew up (humbly), what school was like (hard, but rewarding), how you ended up here (cheap housing, good job, close community). and maybe you would actually tell him about the ultimate betrayal you had faced before you left, why that made you want to be somewhere, anywhere else, somewhere where you had no choice but to make a life entirely for yourself.

at the mention of your ex his jaw might clench, his mouth twitching ever so slightly. he would mutter something about nonsense, and you would smile.

he would ask questions about your family (just your dad and you), your favorite parts of your life here (hikes with bridget, homework sessions with harry, bickering with old man peters).

and he would pout, at that, his bottom lip looking so positively delicious it stole your breath. "'m not your favorite, sugar?" he would plead, joking.

maybe you would really look in his eyes, then, find something hot, tilt your head. "you wanna be?" you would ask, breathier than you intended.

and he would smirk, somehow flipping the dynamic on its head entirely with only a single expression. "you know i do, sugar," he would tell you, low and so loaded you would blush.

it might scare you how easily you let him in, how quickly you were warming up to him. his pretty face might scare you, because pretty faces had hurt you before. there had been no one prettier than your old best friend, after all, and look how that turned out.

so, when the night grew viscous, and the meal was long over, the dishes done, a portion for griff packed up in tubberware on the counter, when he walked you upstairs to your room, both of your steps slow, reluctant, when his gaze lingered on your lips and the smell of him grew distracting, the height of him all-consuming, even then, even though you wanted to, you didn't kiss him. you only bid him a gentle goodnight.

"thank you for tonight," he would say, instead, looping his arms around your neck, hugging you close to his chest. this was so much worse, you thought, as you breathed him in, wrapped your own arms around him and squeezed. the way he held you like he was afraid what would happen if he let go. his hair so messy and his tone so genuine it almost hurt. "sweet dreams, sugar," he said into your hair before pulling away.

even though, that night, you might have dreamed about how his rough hands might feel as they held your soft cheek, how his chapped lips might slot against your glossed mouth. even if you woke up, that next morning, practically sweating. not the sweetest of dreams.

today was your day off. you had plans later with bridget, but you decided to book a haircut and blowout at the salon downtown, since you had the whole morning to yourself. the salon was one place you hadn't been in, yet, and you hadn't had a haircut in months, so you figured now was a good a time as any.

the bell above the door rang when you stepped inside, but no one seemed to notice over the shrill thrum of hair dryers, sinks, and the steady stream of gossip that you appeared to have walked in on.

"she told me her trevor went on a date, julia," one of the stylists said seriously, her eyes expressive as she sectioned her client's head of long curls. "won't stop rambling on and on about her, she says."

your heart jumped in your chest at trevor's name, sunk accordingly. he had been on a date? you weren't sure why you had assumed you were the only girl in his life at the moment, but it stung, nonetheless. you pulled at a thread on your long sleeve, eyes down.

you can't be upset, you told yourself, don't you dare be disappointed-

"oh, honey, how long you been waiting?" one of the stylists called out, making her way over to you and the front desk. "swear you have to throw somethin' at one of us when you come in or we'll never stop talking." she had such an easy way of speaking, a comfortable posture, a genuine face.

"sorry," you said, looking around, still recovering from what you'd overhead.

she just waved you off with a smile. "it's us motormouths who should be apologizing," she said before introducing herself as ginger. "now, what name is your appointment under?"

you told ginger your name, and as soon as you did, her eyes sailed up to meet yours again, wide and bright. she snapped her fingers, getting the room's attention. "you're the doll who stole our baby trevor's heart!"

you blushed furiously, felt the words in your mouth twist and tangle like a toddler's hair. "me? no, that can't be right," you said. there's no way last night counted as a date, you thought. there's no way he's talking about me.

the other stylist just squealed as you were led to a chair. "of course it's you! look at her, julia," she said to the woman in her chair, practically elated, "what a treasure!"

your blush wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

"that boy's been talkin' to 's mama 'bout you, honey," julia said from her chair, her expression knowing. "he's just about smitten, she says."

"and a mother always knows," ginger said, emphasizing her words with hairbrush gestures.

so you spent your appointment getting a couple inches off, hearing about the trouble trevor used to get in when he was younger (apparently alex used to be the biggest troublemaker, though), hearing about how trevor just went around fixing whatever anyone needed fixing.

"swear that sweet boy wouldn't charge a dime if this town'd let him," ginger said as she worked long layers into your hair, "we have to sneak payment into his pockets, and even then he tries to give it back!"

your cheeks burned, your heart heavy with affection as she blew out your hair, leaving it soft and smooth. you paid, said goodbye for about ten minutes, found out just how hard it was to escape salon conversation.

"now go show off for our baby, honey!" someone called out the door after you, making you laugh. you guessed that all the stereotypes about small town hair salons were true.

you went on your weekly hike with bridget, who gave you that understated grin when she saw you. "looking good," she said, bumping her shoulder into yours. "trev doesn't stand a chance."

you rolled your eyes. "didn't get my hair cut for him."

she laughed. "i know," she responded, "but all anyone can talk about this morning is your date last night."

you couldn't help but scoff good-naturedly. "i can't believe people already know about this," you said, "it was literally last night, and it wasn't even a date."

she waved you off. "nobody cares about the logistics. even my girl was moping to me about it. she's got a little crush on her skating instructor."

"trevor teaches your daughter how to skate?" you asked, having never heard of this.

she nodded. "he's the highlight of her week," she said, her eyes soft, picturing her daughter's unabashed smile.

"get in line," you mumbled, covering your face with your hands.

why was everyone so intent on revealing adorable information about trevor to you today? didn't they know he already took up enough of your daily headspace?

"can't somebody tell me he hates animals, or something? or that he's really pretentious about art? or that he has, like, some weird fetish?"

bridget laughed. "sorry, babe," she said, "he's the town's sweetheart."

you were still reeling with all of this information when you got back to the inn, your face rosy from the outside chill, your body pleasantly awake from your walk.

you began up the stairs, humming to yourself, ready to collapse onto your bed, maybe catch up on some reading.

"you followin' me, sugar?"

you looked up, immediately, feeling your pulse in your neck, in your teeth.

there he was, of course, there he was, painting the railing in the stairwell, the sharp smell of paint faint in the air.

all dirtied up from the day, that slouch that only appeared in the late afternoon, that crinkly smile, all of it made him almost too good to be real.

"maybe," you said, like second nature now, after all those times before, his face forcing a tiny smile from your mouth.

you stood just in front of him now, held your breath as he reached up, twirled a strand of your hair around a finger. he let out a low whistle you felt in your stomach.

"lookin' awful pretty tonight," he said, not much more than a whisper as he thumbed the soft ends of your freshly-cut hair.

his words settled like thick caramel on your tongue. "thank you," you mustered, your mind spinning with all of the wonderful things you had heard about him, today.

he bent down to one knee in front of you as you collected your thoughts. "um, what are you doing?" you said, strained, dumb.

he looked up at you through those girlish lashes, smirk heavy on his perfect face. he tugged your foot closer to him. "shoe's untied," he said, gesturing to your sneaker. "may i?"

you blinked at him before nodding, because what alternate universe was this? you tried to imagine any other man you'd known willingly getting on the floor for you, just to tie your shoe. you couldn't.

he tightened your laces with nimble hands.

you cleared your throat. "heard something funny today from the ladies at the salon," you told him, trying to focus on something other than his proximity.

he hummed. "nothin' good, i'll bet," he mused, "ginger loves a good story."

"it was a good story," you said, reveled in the way his expression softened, giving you the courage to press on. he began to tie a double knot. "'bout how you're tellin' your mom we went on a date."

he pulled the bow tight, looked up a you for a second, a guilty, childish grin on his face, caught red-handed. you extended a hand to him, helped him back to his feet.

"oh, yeah," he said smugly, folding his arms across his chest, leaning back against the wall, easy, comfortable. "like how you asked me to dinner, and then cooked for me, and how it 100% was a date-"

you laughed, shook your head. "it was not!" you said, "i never said it was a date!"

he ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek. "call it wishful thinking, then, sugar."

and you couldn't focus too much on what he meant by that, so you just shook your head again. "you're too much," you said, wanting it to come out teasing, but instead there was a breathy sort of desperation behind it.

"yeah?" he asked, that smirk present as ever. you had grown so close to him without realizing it, now just a step away. him leaning back against the wall, you right in front of him, looking up at him.

you nodded, swallowed, your blood hot, your skin prickly, alive.

his eyes fixed you in place, teasing. "too much for you, sugar? can't take it?"

you bit your lip to stop any sound from escaping you, because everything seemed entirely too loud, then. you could hear your heartbeat, you swore you could hear his, the radiator could have been screaming at you. you didn't dare think about just how much you wanted to take.

to stop yourself from doing something much more serious, you simply reached your hand forward, swiped at a spot of paint on his face with your thumb.

your touch against his brow bone felt like an exhale, like melting wax. you could feel his warm breath on your hand as you pulled it back, but then he was looking at you, like that, like you were so, so special, like he would have doused his face in paint just to have your hands wipe it all away, and were you imagining the way his gaze grew fiery?

"trev! old man peters says his sink's still leaking!"

griff's voice rattled down the stairwell, smothering the flames in your eyes, if only just. just enough to break the spell, to pull away, to tell him you'd see him tomorrow for his coffee break, for his hungry gaze to follow you up the stairs until you were out of sight.

and so the routine continued, more butterscotch candies slipped into aprons, more pestering his friends, more slyly asking bridget what she thought about matt (she was deflecting, you'd observed, delighted). more helping with homework and reading in bed and cooking and snapping at old man peters to stop leaving his watch behind.

more stolen touches and longing glances and sideways smiles, backwards hats and work gloves stuffed in pockets, damp hair sticking to your neck, the hem of your skirt brushing against your thigh. more flame and softness and sweetness drenching your frame as he said hello, and goodbye, and sweet dreams, and anything else. that coil inside of you twisted tighter and tighter as you wondered what exactly was holding you back, what exactly you were waiting for.

one day, after work, there was a knock at your door. you'd be lying if you said you weren't a little bit disappointed when you opened it.

"you coming?" griff said, "town hall meeting starts in 5."

you scrunched up your nose. "town hall? what, is it required?"

he smiled, kind. "no, but they're usually a good time," he said, "and trevor's going to be there."

you had your jacket in your hand already. "he's not the reason i'm coming," you said, following him out the door and down the street.

"i won't tell anyone," was all griff replied, his smile understanding and gentle.

you had never been to a town hall meeting before. you'd guessed that the closest thing you could imagine was a student government meeting, which you'd been a part of in college.

this seemed much more laid back, though, taking place in the middle school gymnasium. it looked like almost everyone from town was here. you noticed old man peters, sitting with bridget, her daughter buzzing around from person to person. the salon ladies were talking to pretty much everybody. there was harry, sitting next to his mom. you approached bridget as griff went up to talk to the fire chief, one of his close friends.

soon enough, the meeting began, the first issue on the docket being the prospect of a stoplight on the intersection of drysdale avenue and york street.

bridget yawned, "same issue every meeting," she whispered to you. "always divided down the middle." this time was no different, you observed, the parents in the crowd seemed completely for the stoplight, the older crowd significantly against.

"next issue, a write in from the community, quote," the representative began, reading from notecards, "should the implementation of the 'dibs' rule be observed seriously, unquote." he cleared his throat, looked up to the crowd. "thoughts?"

you stifled an embarrassed laugh, held your face in your hands as bridget rubbed soothing circles in your back. "is this actually a real-life discussion topic?" you asked, incredulous.

"just let them have their fun," she whispered in a way that made her smile evident.

"i think 'dibs' is outdated and juvenile," a woman said, "sets a bad example for the kids."

the man up front was taking notes.

"i think it's cute," bridget piped up from her chair.

"me, too!" her daughter giggled, jumping into her lap.

"alright, i've got two for cute, one for bad influence," the man said, "anyone else?"

"i think it's lame," a very matt-like voice said, gruff, short.

"one for lame," the scribe said aloud.

"well, i think you're lame," that goofy drawl called out, making you pull your head up, look around until you spotted him, near the front. he was swatting matt on the back of the head. "and i learned it from alex, so take it up with him."

his curly-haired friend hid a smirk. "it's a high school move," he explained to the crowd, before turning to face trevor. "we haven't done it in years."

"until now," trevor amended, "but you guys understand. you've seen her. you've talked to her."

ginger put her hand over her heart as if swooning.

someone coughed. your face was burning up. bridget nudged you gently.

"she's here, trev," griff said, to which the fire chief let out a hearty laugh.

"really?" he turned to face the crowd, his voice excited, hopeful, searching. "where are you, sugar?"

you raised your hand, of all things, immediately wanted to smack yourself. "hey," you said, mousy.

"hey," he parroted, mocking, but of course not maliciously. his smile broke you apart.

and then you were having a conversation with several rows of people in chairs between you, on a gymnasium floor.

"you're the only one with the dibs curse on you," he said, "so what's your take on it? should we abolish the practice for good? is it outdated?"

you swallowed, were looking only at him as the scribe sat at the front, pen at the ready. "well," you began, "it works, from what i can tell." his smile put you together again. "so it can't be that outdated."

his eyes shone, only for you. "you heard her," he said, "case closed."

"are we actually still talking about this?" old man peters asked, to bridget, but much too loudly.

the rest of the meeting passed, absolutely delivering on laughs and nonsense, as promised.

"last thing before we go," the man said, "does everyone have a ride to the away game tomorrow?"

you leaned over to bridget. "what's that?"

"the rec hockey team is away this weekend," she whispered.

"rec hockey?" you said, confused, "like kids?"

she shook her head. "like kids, yes, but not kids."

"sugar, do you have a ride?" trevor's voice rang clear against the mumbled chatter of the room.

you looked up, met his eyes again. "uh, i don't think i'm going?" you said.

there was a collective gasp, followed by silence. your eyes widened. "babe," bridget whisper-screamed at you. "everyone goes."

you cleared your throat, realizing your grave error. "well, then i don't have a ride."

"you can ride with me, honey," ginger said, sweetly, with a warning in her eye.

"trevor has to go super early since he's playing," bridget whispered from next to you. you nodded, signaling that you had heard her.

"thank you!" you called out.

rides were sorted, the meeting ended, everyone saying their goodbyes, folding chairs scraping against the waxy floor. trevor and his friends caught up with you and bridget on your way out.

trevor slung a heavy arm around your shoulders that you couldn't help but lean into. he smelled like sawdust and something citrusy. "i didn't know you played hockey," you said, looking up at him curiously, not letting yourself ruminate on how good he felt slotted against your side.

he shrugged.

bridget scoffed. "he's good, too," she said, "i hate to pump his tires, but only the best teacher for my baby girl." she pressed a kiss to the cheek of her smiley daughter, whom she had hoisted up onto her hip. "all of them play," she said, a vague gesture to the group. "lit it up in high school."

"not all of them are as good, though," trevor said, which caused some annoyed groans.

"what about heartbreaker alex, over here?" you teased.

"heartbreaker alex has grown up since junior year," alex said, soft spoken. "and it's not my fault my hair looks like this."

the shortest friend of the group, cole, the one with the loudest laugh, whom you had come to rely upon for book recommendations, put a hand in line with his brow bone, as if blocking out the sun to search for something.

"what are you doing?" alex asked.

"oh, me?" cole said, "just looking for all the girls you must be getting, since you've still got all that hair."

alex rolled his eyes, the group laughed.

"what about you, matt?" you asked as trevor held open the door, all of you stepping out into the night air. "i've heard the team's got a perfect record for dance invites. any high school stories?"

matt didn't say anything for a second, but bridget laughed. "you're really telling people that, trev, as if i didn't ask him freshman year?" she nodded towards matt, who was actually blushing, you thought, but the dark made it hard to tell. "was a tough sell, eh? he was so quiet when i asked i thought he pretending that i wasn't there."

"oh, we remember," cole said, tone alight with understanding. "funny how we grow up, but so much stays the sa-" he blew out a breath when matt elbowed him in the gut.

you smiled to yourself. "i'll see all of you tomorrow, for the game, then?" you said, the inn now steps away.

goodbyes rang out, and you made to remove yourself from trevor's embrace, but he only spun you back into his chest, pulling you close, his arms now wrapped around your back, your nose against his breastbone. you breathed in, melted into him, squeezed him back.

"did you mean it?" he said, soft, so only you would hear him.

you mumbled your confusion into his chest.

"when you said it was working? did you mean it?"

your heart jumped, his words so vulnerable you couldn't look at him. "i meant it," you whispered into his bright shirt. "you're working on me, trevor." you felt his lips brush against your hair, featherlight, before he let you go.

"sweet dreams, sugar," he said, and you walked back to your room with wobbly legs and an overactive heart.

the following day, ginger graciously gave you a ride to the next town over. she, of course, chatted you up the entire time, which you welcomed.

"i know i must be super late to the party here," you said, carefully, picking at your nails, "but what's the story behind bridget and matt?"

ginger tsked. "we're a bad influence on you, honey," she said, taking a right. "you're gonna be a big mouth like me in no time."

you laughed. "it's only 'cause matt's so obvious about it," you told her, "they've known each other forever, and i learned yesterday that she asked him to their freshman dance." you trailed off, hoping that ginger would take your cue.

she nodded, smiled fondly. "our bridget was always such a spitfire," she said, "always going for what she wanted. smart as a whip, too, but you know that."

you nodded. you did.

"and she could have had anyone, but she wanted our matthew, and he wasn't a sight for sore eyes then, like he is now."

is matt good-looking? you'd thought to yourself. you surely hadn't noticed. perhaps you were distracted. perhaps your gaze always wandered.

"but bridget marched right up, asked him to the dance, and the poor boy was so stunned it took him a full minute to say yes." she shook her head, lost in the memory.

"did they ever date, like for real?" you asked, enraptured.

she frowned. "no, i don't think so, at least. bridget was always bouncing around flings, trying out guys for a few weeks, then cuttin' 'em loose." her smile grew wistful. "then she had her darling girl, middle of senior year. dad booked it, never looked back. don't think she's been with anyone since."

you frowned, too, hating the thought of someone abandoning your friend, as lovely and wonderful as she was. what a privilege it would be to be a part of her family.

"and matt?" you asked, as the car pulled into the parking lot. you ran your palms up and down your jeans.

ginger whistled. "that boy's been starry-eyed over her since grade five," she said, "but me and the girls aren't surprised he thinks he doesn't have a shot. his self-esteem's never been the highest, not like the rest of 'em."

"not like cole, who swears he could land a plane, if it came around to it?" you said, grinning.

ginger laughed. "exactly. and not like alex, who was never without a girlfriend, and not like your trevor, who's never needed anyone to tell him how great he is."

you sucked on your teeth. "but we do, anyways," you reminded her.

"that we do, honey," she finished, putting the car in park. "let's go cheer on those knuckleheads, shall we?"

the rink was colder than you thought it would be. the walls were practically made of aluminum foil. you wrapped your arms around yourself, blew out a foggy breath, followed ginger to the away section, absolutely packed with everyone you recognized.

as you settled into the stands, your eyes immediately searched for trevor.

"he's number 11," bridget said, coming to stand next to you.

you rolled your eyes. "and what number is matt?"

she shoved you, playfully, but when spoke, it was bashful. "12," she said. "cole's 22 and alex is 39. police chief is 8, fireman spence is the goalie, and griff is the ref."

you furrowed your brow. "isn't that a conflict of interest?" you asked.

she huffed in a laugh. "if anything, it's a disadvantage for us."

the game started, and you realized very early on that maybe trevor hadn't been lying when he said not all of them are as good. he practically flew around the ice, graceful, mesmerizing. and it was obvious that he wasn't looking to show off, either, that he was just playing to have fun, and if he really wanted to, he could run the scoresheet up into oblivion.

you could feel bridget smile beside you. "yeah," she sighed. "it's pretty crazy."

"he could play professionally," you breathed.

she shrugged. "he's happy," she said simply.

cole scored twice, the other team clawed their way back in. griff threw alex in the box for boarding, which old man peters, even with his granddaughter in his lap, would not let go, keeping a one-man ref, you suck! chant going long after the power play was over.

"does he know it's griff?" you asked bridget.

"of course he does," she said. "he'll buy him a beer after this."

such was small town life, you supposed.

in the end, fireman spence made some crucial saves, keeping it tied late into the third. with about a minute left, trevor made an unreal, practically magical pass to matt, who finished it off in a one-timer that sunk into the back of the net.

the crowd erupted. you and bridget jumped up and down, holding each other as the goal horn sounded.

the team went through the line in celebration, then skating by the away section before the next face off.

trevor blew you a kiss. you shook your head at him, but couldn't wipe the smile off of your face.

the game ended in a win, and the town migrated over to the local bar. you busied yourself with harry's mom, telling her that no, she had nothing to worry about, yes, harry was quiet, but he was kind as anything, and that was most important.

everyone cheered when the team walked in. you clapped along with them, feeling a smile tug at your lips as soon as your eyes locked on trevor.

his eyes found yours immediately, that lazy grin following as he squeezed past people to get to you.

you met him halfway, a hazy neon light over your heads, making color dance in his eyes like starlight. his long hair was damp, curly at the ends in a way that made you want to reach up and tug at them.

"speechless, eh, sug?" he teased, shrugging one shoulder with exaggerated arrogance. "i know, my play tends to evoke that reaction from people. i-"

you scrunched your mouth to the side, smacked him lightly in the chest. "god forbid i try to think of something nice to say to you," you said, smiling. you made to pull you hand back, but his warm, wide palm came up to cover it, holding it against his chest.

you exhaled, looked up at him, unsure.

"what was your favorite part?" he asked, those shining eyes careful. "did you like cole's between-the-legs? or maybe my last assist?" he winked. "always a crowd favorite."

suddenly confidence welled up inside of you, a vault. but we tell him anyways, you had said. that we do.

tell him, the overhead lights whispered.

"when you blew me a kiss," you said, reaching your free hand up to cup his jaw, textured under your touch from his five-o'clock-shadow. "that was my favorite part."

flame crept into his gaze abruptly, suddenly, shockingly. he settled his other hand on your hip, pulled you closer to him, his grip making your breath catch. "was it?" there was a roughness to his voice that felt tangible.

you nodded slowly, speaking to his mouth. you weren't scared. you weren't running. you weren't stalling. your skin was humming, your blood felt hot. he was so perfect against you, his hand over yours somehow the most intimate touch you could remember.

he ducked his head to yours, just a breath away, so you could see the gold in his eyes. "let me do you one better," he rasped, waiting for your single nod before finally crushing his mouth to yours in a kiss that felt like early sunrises, slow and meaningful and only the beginning.

you pushed up onto your tiptoes, looped both of your arms around his neck, tugging him closer, closer, as he kept one hand on your hip, the other grasping the back of your neck, keeping you from collapsing into him.

kissing your ex had felt almost robotic, scientific, stiff in an endearing way at best, stiff in an awkward way in reality.

there was nothing stiff about this, nothing scientific about him. this was all feeling, all malleable, all calloused hands and chapped lips. he kissed like someone who had to work for it, like someone who didn't have to prove anything to you but wanted to, anyways.

just that was enough for you to sigh against him, the fact that there were other people around the only thing stifling your soft moan.

he smiled into your mouth, like a low-spoken secret between the two of you. "taste like butterscotch," he mumbled against your lips, pulling away only just enough to make sure his words didn't disappear unheard down your throat, almost drowsily. "you like those candies i give you, sugar?"

your chest rose and fell against his. the low music in the background roared in your ears, the neon light making him look like some stained glass thing worth kneeling for. "like 'em because you leave 'em for me," you said, your fingertips tracing the top of his spine.

his eyes shimmered. "can i tell you something?"

you nodded.

he hummed, gave a guilty sort of smile. "gave 'em to you because i didn't like the taste of 'em," he started, smirk growing wider. "and i wanted to convince myself to hold off on kissin' you. not to rush you, you know."

you understood, and your swollen lips quirked at the story, but your eyes flashed with something like hurt. "you don't like the way i taste, trevor?" even if it was his own doing, you suddenly wanted to brush your teeth.

"that's the thing." he ran a steady thumb along your hairline. "think my plan backfired, 'cause butterscotch's my new favorite flavor." his thumb reached your chin, tilting it up to his mouth again. "can't get enough of it," he murmured, a man possessed, barely audible as he kissed you again, this time with a softness that cut like a dagger.

you swore your head was still spinning the next day. what was supposed to be just another shift at the diner quickly turned into a flurry of questions, of neighbors looking for a side of gossip with their french toast, of line cooks swearing there was something different about you.

it was hard to answer anyone, to do anything, honestly, when it felt like you were floating, like your head was far, far away, up in the clouds.

harry gave you a fist bump when he saw you. old man peters told you in a stern tone that public bars were no place for fornication, to which an ecstatic bridget patted his shoulder and reminded him that it was only a (sort of) innocent kiss.

she pulled all the details out of you, lit up as you flushed and stumbled over your memories.

the police chief made some joke about that boy being a bad influence when you accidentally brought him whole milk instead of soy milk for his coffee.

ginger and the girls were like some insatiable beast that only let you be when you reminded them that if they kept you much longer, the diner would go hungry.

of course, your heart instinctively fluttered when that tell-tale gust of loud laughter burst through the door, along with the drag of heavy work boots, the shuffling of canvas outerwear, the shoving of gloves into back pockets.

you made your way to the table with their regular pot of coffee, met trevor's dancing gaze almost sheepishly.

"morning, guys," you said, smiling at all of them.

they chimed their chorus of good mornings, pouring their coffee into mugs themselves, as they always insisted on.

"so, what's new?" cole asked, his head resting on his fists. "probably nothing, right?"

alex and matt hid their laughs.

you rolled your eyes, smiled nonetheless. trevor had a hat on, today, making his hair curl out from the bottom of the brim. you tucked a curling lock behind his ear, ran your nails soothingly along the hair at the nape of his neck.

anyone watching would have seen the way his gaze melted like milk chocolate, how his shoulders softened, his posture relaxing completely into your small touch.

he looked up at you, eyes so soaked in affection it spilled down his face like mascara-stained tears. "i missed you," he said.

his friends groaned, as if they'd heard this a million times. suddenly, with a blush, you had a guess as to what his morning had been like. perhaps he had been just as distracted as you.

"i missed you, too," you said, because it was the truth.

"he almost dropped a crate on my foot this morning," matt said, bitterly.

you put a hand over your heart. "how tragic." you looked up, making eye contact with your friend across the diner. "hey, bridge! matt almost hurt his foot this morning. has science found a cure for that, yet?"

she huffed a laugh as she approached, shook her head at matt when she stood in front of the table. she held the back of her hand to his forehead, as if checking for a fever. "are you sure you're okay, sweet boy? this sounds serious," she joked.

matt had paled. trevor pulled you into his lap and you hid your laugh in his collarbone.

"'m fine," matt bit out, to which bridget smiled.

"thank god, that was close," she said. her gaze wandered, landed on something out the window. she squinted. "did somebody dig up some of the flowers outside?" she asked.

"dig?" alex mused, "maybe rip is a better word, eh, trev?"

"right. almost forgot." trevor held you in his lap with one hand, reached the other to the side. suddenly several flowers were being held in front of you, thin, spidery roots still intact. "sugar, will you go to the valentine's day skate with me?"

you smiled, wide and toothy, touched one hand to his face as the other grasped the humble, earthy bouquet. "of course i will, handsome," you said, "what's the valentine's day skate?"

"pta event, tomorrow," bridget said, looking on with interest. "whole town shows up."

"this town shows up for everything," you replied.

she smiled fondly. "heart-shaped balloons and fruit punch and ice skates. what's not to love?"

you turned your neck to look back up at trevor. "'m honored to have been on the receiving end of one of your famous invitations," you teased, "even if it's not for a dance." his delight rumbled into your shoulders, the back of your thighs, firm and warm.

cole yawned, stretched. "duty calls, fellas," he said, making to get up.

you reluctantly pushed up from trevor's lap, quickly pouring his untouched mug into a to-go cup. the team filed out with their typical string of thank yous and goodbyes, matt's extra glance at bridget met with a returning smile.

then it was you and trevor, as the morning break always ended, like clockwork, like a bedtime story that was comforting in its predictability. he tucked a bill in your apron, several candies, the weight of them alone making you smile.

"did i tell you how pretty you look today?" he told you.

"no," you mused, your hands clasped behind your back, shifting on your feet.

he hummed. "so pretty, sugar, never been so nervous to ask someone out," he admitted, that smug smile lazy across his face.

you tilted your head. "don't be nervous," you told him. "you're the easiest yes i've ever had."

at your words he ducked his wide shoulders down to you, flipped his hat backwards on his head so as not to impede you in any way, kissed you with a rough palm on your soft face, your hands still behind your back as you met him up on your toes.

a different kiss, one so lovely, still, soft and beautiful, drenched in daylight.

would your head ever stop spinning, when it came to him? would you ever come down from the clouds, again? even if you did, would there not be cumulus tufts in your hair, wisps of cirrus in your lashes?

he was proving it difficult, especially that next day, the fourteenth of february.

you had the morning to yourself, existing slowly and methodically, reading and running errands, finally starting to get ready for your date in the late afternoon.

before you knew it, there was a knock at your door, just as you had swung your jacket on. you swung it open to find him leaning against the doorframe, the picture of ease, shoulders drooping the way they always did after a working morning.

"ready to go?" you asked, making to close the door behind you before pressing up on your toes to kiss him on the cheek. he caught your face in a hand before you could, though, steering your lips towards his mouth instead. you laughed against his lips. "greedy," you taunted, pulling away, letting yourself lean into his warm side.

"got no idea, sugar," he admitted, voice twinged with a day of speaking. you walked together to the high school ice skating rink, only a few minutes away, the brisk february air biting at your nose, your ears. you caught up on the morning, what book you had finished, how annoying ginger's husband was being about the state of his rain gutters.

when you entered the rink, finally, pushing forward the old doors, you couldn't help but smile, and trevor couldn't help but watch you.

everyone was here, of course they were. balloons hung from the top of the glass, streamers decorating every archway and spare inch. a massive table of themed refreshments was just next to the bleachers.

it looked like something out a ninety's film, mixed with the unique small town charm and wintery love you had come to know so personally.

you and trevor quickly got your skates on, all lingering touches and knowing smiles, and headed for the ice.

you were shaky at first, but his hands were so tight on yours, you knew there wasn't a chance he would let you fall. he spun you around the rink easily, twirling you like a ballroom dance floor, ever the show-off, anything to make you laugh.

"hey, harry!" you called out, at one point, noticing your host-friend helping a taller, skinner kid his age onto the ice. he waved, his eyes glittery in a way you recognized. is that jason? you mouthed. harry nodded, smiled shyly. you gave him an impressed thumbs up, trevor whistled.

you asked trevor how he got into hockey, watched how his mind waltzed behind his eyes when he talked about outdoor rinks with his friends in elementary school, how even piled-on scarves and hats and puffer jackets didn't stop that flying feeling.

significance would gather in your stomach, butterflies morphing into something much more serious, the kind of flame you'd find in a living room fireplace, in the hearts of teenage lovers.

you skated by cole, scooping up the snow he had made with quick starts and stops, and alex, whose neck was becoming the new home of said snow.

alex grunted, immediately breaking into stride to catch a fleeing cole, whose bright and clear laugh echoed under the roof like church bells.

the fire and police departments had started a relay race, ginger and her girls had formed a circle close to the hot chocolate.

old man peters held his sleeping granddaughter in his lap, bouncing his knee gently, both of their smiles blissful.

trevor's hand found your far hip, pulling you into his warm side. you sighed, looked up at him as you let your fingers trace along his jaw.

"touchy today, sugar, hm?" he said into your hair, a rumble to his tone that told you he liked it.

you hummed, nodded. "you just look so..." you trailed off, in thought, thinking about what, exactly, you meant to say. he looked what? practically edible? like an ocean you wanted to drown in?

how could you tell him you'd been avoiding looking at his hands, for fear you'd blurt something out about wanting them around your neck?

you just swallowed, cleared your throat. his smirk was a flash of teeth.

"you feelin' okay?" he cooed. "should i take you home?"

you found yourself nodding, even though you hadn't been at the rink for long.

"yeah?" he mocked, taunting, his hand on your hip suddenly firm, burning.

bridget's laugh cut through the sizzling air like a stream of cold hose water. you both turned to look at where she now sat, having obviously fallen onto the ice. she peered up at matt through her blonde bangs. "some teacher you are," she laughed, "i knew trev was the right choice for my girl's lessons."

matt shook his head, a barely-there smile on his thin lips. he offered her a hand, steadily helped her to her feet, an almost undetectable shake in his breathing as bridget grabbed onto his forearm for extra stability. "alright, smart ass," he mused, "no help for you, then."

he made to drop her hands, to leave her on her own, but she latched onto him tighter. "yeah right," she said, "you're not going anywhere, sweet boy."

cole's laugh sparkled at matt's flush.

you and trevor were already on the way out, bidding your short goodbyes, half-assed excuses about not feeling well given and taken with knowing eye-rolls.

he walked you back to the inn, up the stairs, his hands on you ever-so-distracting, his voice a careless rasp, your heart beating heavy in your chest.

you finally made it to your closed door, your back against it as he looked down at you with that heated gaze, his frame boxing you in.

"well, get some rest, sugar," he said, slowly, smiling. "since you're not feeling well." he twirled a strand of your hair around a finger.

you sputtered. "what? trevor-"

his eyes widened in mock-surprise. "oh, is there something you want?" he asked.

you clutched at his shirt with your fist, pulled. "please."

"please, what, sugar?" he asked, so smug you wanted to punch him. "gotta tell me what you want, hm?"

"you," you whined, but that wasn't enough.

"oh, is that it?" he drawled, ducking his head down to you, so close, but not close enough, not even a little.

you worked your jaw, so frustrated. "just," you tried, "just please, touch me, trevor, i just wanna feel you."

he smiled, held the side of your face in his palm. "am touchin' you, sugar," he said, "tellin' me this isn't enough?"

you ran your tongue along the inside of your cheek, groaned at his feigned confusion. "shut up," you breathed, his mouth an inch from yours.

"make me," he bit back, and then you were kissing him. you swore your lips would be charred, later, as if in proof. you reached a hand behind you, twisted open your door, while the other rooted in his hair, tugged him inside your room as he moaned against your lips.

one of his hands grasped the back of your neck, the other a bruising grip in your side, walking you backwards until the backs of your knees felt the blunt edge of the bed.

you barely registered as he reached under you, flipped you onto his lap, your legs straddling his hips as he sat down on the comforter, far too caught up in this kiss, somehow still so different from ones you has shared before. so charged you felt the air might combust at any second, that, despite his relentless repairs, there was no way this inn could withstand the way he was kissing you, now. surely, the roof would cave in under the weight of your want, water would sear straight through the pressurized pipes.

he smiled against your mouth when you started to rock your hips back and forth across his lap, just so desperate for something, anything.

your exhales came out short, little pants as you reveled in the little friction you were getting against his firm thigh, covered in his heavy work pants, nothing close to what you really wanted, but something, at least.

mercifully, he moved your clothes aside, rocked you more forcefully, making the sensation practically blissful. you dropped your heavy head to his neck, moaned into it.

"oh, sugar," he cooed, and you squeezed your eyes shut. "so greedy for it, hm?"

you nodded into his neck, the tough texture combined with the heavy weight of his thigh catching you in just the right spot, urging a whimper from your throat.

"makin' a mess of me, yeah? could cum just from my thigh?" he said, almost like he felt sorry for you, but you could hear the smile in his voice. you bit down gently on the space between his neck and shoulder, your small retaliation, smiled at his groan.

you slowed your rhythm, picked your head up, let your chest rise and fall as you looked at him in the face, searched his eyes.

his face was slightly flushed, his eyes only just a bit glassy, but he looked at you like you were a wonder, like some divine power had made her way into his lap.

you pressed a feather-light kiss to the corner of his mouth, loved the way you could feel his smile crinkle and widen under your lips.

"please, trevor," you whispered, your touch so soft around his neck. "please just give me what i want."

you shifted on his lap until you felt him, hard and hot and heavy underneath you. his voice came out with a strain. "anything, sugar," he told you, "just tell me."

you lifted your hips up, could feel how wet you were, could tell you had probably left a trace of yourself on his pants. "wanna cum on your cock, trevor," you breathed, couldn't help your sly grin when he immediately began to tug his clothes aside. "please, please let me. i know i'm so greedy-"

he was nodding like he understood as he angled your hips up higher, shifted you so that you sat right above him as he pumped himself up and down, once, twice, so obviously ready for you. "you are, sugar," he said, so eager it almost sounded like a whine, "but i'll give you anything you want, swear it." his hands found your hips. "just promise you'll only be greedy for me, hm?"

you sank down onto him with a nodded promise, bit your lip at the slow, scorching pressure, the pleasant stretch that pulled at your middle, that you felt in your toes. you blinked, trying to get used to the sensation, trying to muffle the groan in your mouth.

"fuck," he moaned, his fingers clutching at the flesh of your hips like you might float away if he let go, "all the way, sugar, 'atta girl." you huffed a short breath when he was all the way in.

words felt far away, suspended in bubbles that whirled around your head.

"speechless, eh?" he teased, and you had a sense of deja vu. "don't worry, sugar. common re-"

and you could have growled at him for alluding to the fact that other girls had felt this, that there were other people in the world who knew what this felt like, so you fitted a delicate hand over his mouth and rolled your hips up and back on him until he was the speechless one, moans falling from his mouth, his brow pinched in pleasure.

"don't worry," you breathed, your mouth an inch from his ear. "common reaction."

you began to move your hips up and down faster as the stretch gave way to something dizzyingly good, as he began to thrust back up into you. so hard and fast, but he held you like something precious. his rhythm built until your mouth fell open, until sweat shone on the high points of his face, until time melted away, until you were reminded of what you'd mistaken him for when you'd first seen him, all that time ago - some ancient sculpture. a work of art.

he cursed as your clit caught on his pubic bone, the friction so overwhelming, and you clenched down on him. "give it to me, sugar," he said, but the strain in his voice made it sound like a plea. "fuck, let me hear you, yeah?" his tone grew gentle. "been wantin' to hear you for so long."

you tightened around him further at his small admission, let your nails rake down his neck, probably a little too hard. he grunted, thrusted harder, shifted you closer to him.

you moaned his name at the new angle, one you felt in the tips of your ears, your hairline, your tongue.

you were so close, so impossibly almost there. "please make me cum," you whined, "please, need you so bad." your exhale was practically pained as you ran your fingers over the red marks on his neck your nails had left. "don't i deserve it, baby?"

he grunted, and it was different. you felt his stomach and thighs clench, his hips sputter as his head spun with the fact that you'd gone right to begging him, skipped the asking part. he pressed his hand to your lower stomach, let his thumb catch against your clit, sending you over the edge in moments. "'course you deserve it, sugar," he rasped, gravelly, in your ear as you rode out your high, his thrusts growing wild. "been so good."

you clenched down on him, forcing his own orgasm, fast and all-consuming, the smell of him everywhere, mixed with your perfume. your exhales were warm and heavy, transparent clouds that settled on the floor of your room, making it every bit the dreamland it had become in your mind.

he held you so close to him as he pulled you to his chest, leaned you both back on your bed. you stared up at the ceiling.

about time, one of the tiles whispered, holding a crisp fiver.

couldn't have waited another week? the losing tile muttered bitterly.

you smiled as his rough hand found your face, tilted it towards him. he was smiling. your stomach fluttered as you felt your own mouth pull wider.

"what?" he asked, his voice rough, drowsy with use.

you shook your head. "nothing," you said, "just you." your eyes crinkled under the weight of your happiness. "i'm callin' dibs on you."

his eyes lit up as he pulled you in for another kiss, slow and overflowing with meaning. he hummed. "butterscotch," he whispered against your mouth. "my favorite."

fin.

[sk3tch404]

Yandere Shiva General Hcs (Record of Ragnarok)

A/n: Normal schnormal human reader. Shiva is a meanie but is very affectionate. I also have only watched the anime, so I'm only making bout 6-??? Assumptions and making the gods win bc eh plot reasons. Also platonic relationship with his wives ✌ 257 words I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS GOODBYE. Failing as a writer 💀

CW: Half-proof read (Yeah yoikes but this gets real long after rereading it a thousand times over) Kidnapping, forced affection, forced marriage, isolation, neglect, and Shiva being an arse-hole but a lover boy 🤦 (??? Weirdly enough)

I also just learned that the reason why Shivas first wife isn't known is bc Paravati is the reincarnation of Sati (Shivas first wife) after she died. So technically only 3 living wives in total. (Plz correct or educate me on Hinduism if you can!)

The more you know 💁🏻

Why he truly added you to his column of lovers is a question you may never have answered.

By the naked gods eye, you were nothing special really. Just another dead human in the heavens who is also spectating the final battles.

The afterlife isn't so bad once you've been in it for enough. Valhalla can be peaceful and honestly perfect at times when gods aren't feuding.

Once you heard the gods were holding an important final battle that would determine mankind's fate, it shocked you. Would that also determine human souls in Valhalla? What if the humans were to win? (As blasphemous as that sounded)

The ideal afterlife was supposed to be free of stress, anxiety, pain, emotional distress, and so on, but no. Of course it would never be like that. That's only wishful human thinking.

If there were no potential penalty for badmouthing high status idles, you'd say that the gods were worse than humans when it comes to ego.

Now, Shiva doesn't believe in love at first sight. The stories involving all four his wives have been a adventurous and treaded journey. He does not fall so quickly for such average beings.

But he's seen you before in the arena. Beyond the sea of humans, you stand with only yourself. You chose your seat in a secluded area and paid full attention.

As much as you seemed to isolate yourself from other souls, your eyes burn a similar passion for chaos and a strange fascination for the situation.

It caught him off guard for a second. Strange isn't it? Unlike all of these other ignorant ruffians, you enjoy a good lesson. You're not here just for the fighting and trembling anticipation that comes with the final results. You wanna observe things in educated fashion.

It's cute in a way. A lowly human soul so fixated on the final battle. If you get lucky, (his definition of lucky) he might recognize recognize you later.

Low and behold, he did. Your presence so quiet, yet so mesmerizing. Not interested in anything other than yourself and these sequence of events... How could you not be as entranced by him as he passes by? Yes a sparing surprised glance is earned, but you continue your path. How could he make you turn his way as he does for you?

Shiva will not take you so quickly. He does have a place in the arena, so he can't risk the chance of you not being in his 24/7 supervision for the first week or so. (Plus the soul threatening fight too but yk)

Though he will approach you! Somewhat teasing you in a way. Your fearful face and neck craned upwards while he is hovering over you excites Shiva. A burning dwells in his core, and you make him shiver.

It's only small talk and "hinting" at certain things to come, but it's not too forward.

"Hey, it's you! The lonely human! Yeah I know you. I could feel your eyes from across the arena y'know. For a weak soul, you really like this sort of thing huh?"

During his fight, not only did Rudra and the many people cheering for him motivate him to win, but also did your presence! The crowd is a blurry swarm of colors and movements alike, but he could practically feel your eyes on him.

He knew you couldn't stay away for long. I mean, how could you? Shiva is just perfect for you, and you've basically said you wanted to marry him based on your reaction to his fight.

While he takes his time healing his arms and various wounds, he keeps up with the battle scores and your whereabouts.

He's the god of destruction, and is very resourceful when he needs to be. His free time is filled with researching you on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and sometimes Saturday when his wives are busy.

By the time the gods win, Shiva has healed up pretty good thanks with the help of medical attention and the abilities of his wives.

He talks about you to his wives pretty often, and they don't mind. As long as it's what Shiva wants, then it's okay with them! Three of them has been okay so far, what's one more? The more to love right?

You're shocked with the results of the final battle. Of course this was the obvious end, but it was nice to have hope for humanity for once. People came together regardless of religion, and now all of living human kind is being erased

It seems the gods didn't care about human souls the had pre-existed in Valhalla, so you were safe for now.

Or so you thought.

You sat in your humble home, taking in the day you just had. The next thing you know, you're being forcefully taken out by a strong force.

Shiva tries to go easy on you, but you're just so damn cute, it kills him! He's super energetic and doting.

"Oh Y/n, you're so adorable. Ack, hey! Fightin now huh? I thought you saw my bout. What are you being stupid for?"

Marries you immediately. Only gives you the most enchanting and personal experience a soul could ask for.

The honeymoon is one like you've never experienced. Shiva has married four times. He knows how these things work. (Take that as you will, I don't write nsfw lmfaooo)

Shiva is painfully aware of how weak humans are compared to the average god, so he tries to not smother you too much. (AKA not smooching you once or twice every minute or so)

He really finds humans interesting, so he pokes and prods about in your personal space all the time. Privacy? Bodily autonomy? What's that?

Let's you roam free in his quarters but only let's you speak to his family and trusted ones. Rudra also finds this interesting. Shiva has fallen for a human soul? Now that's crazy talk!

Shiva would never want you to feel inferior to his wives just because they're powerful gods and you're not. You're his human. There's no one else who deserves you more than him!

But seriously, he loves learning about the ways of humans. The couple of humans who had attempted the final battle were spectacular and fought pretty damn hard, so he often wonders what others do.

"C'mon I know you're not that tired yet. The humans I've met have taken this kind of thing well before... What? Seriously can't keep up? *Sigh* Fine, get over here."

Things like modern technology isn't uncommon in Valhalla, so he'd most definitely want to know about your online life too.

Shiva is more of an active guy, so he isn't on his phone a lot. That doesn't mean he isn't inexperienced though.

He is also big on affectionate touch. Everywhere you go, he's holding some part of you. One arm around your waist and another on the top of your head.

Will MANHANDLE YOU like no tomorrow. Wherever he turns, you turn. Even when you're in the middle of reading something, or working on an arts and crafts project, he does not care. When he needs you, he will have you.

You're in front of something he needs to get to? Legit picks you up and places you aside. One the most embarrassing things to ever happen with him. You especially hate it when it's in front of his wives. They playfully laugh, giggle, and tease you for being so, as they say, cute.

They adore you. You're like another sibling to them. They also dote on you and have you help around a lot as it substitutes as hang outs.

They fight over you. A lot.

Durga is the one who takes you out a lot for physical activities. She is very ambitious and encouraging.

"Yeah, You finally got it Y/n! Whoo, you're badass compared to me."

Butters you up way too much despite the bold faced truth.

Unfortunately is the one who enforces Shiva's rules for you the hardest.

Kali is so charismatic and can be the most fun if you're rebellious. Despite her soft appearance, she is CHAOTIC. Although she stays loyal to Shiva, she doesn't mind breaking a few small rules here and there to have some fun.

She's the one who gets you in the most danger and trouble.

Shiva is VERY strict with you despite all of the freedoms he's allowed you. You're human, fragile mentally and physically. So when you are caught with Kali, he can't help but lecture the both of you.

Kali has been with him for a long time, so she takes the blame for herself. She knows she can persuade him if she tries hard enough.

Partavi is so kind and gentle. You two usually spend time inside and just casually hanging out. Cooking, learning about Hinduism, house keeping, keeping your mental and spiritual state in check, and all sorts of calming things.

Kali and Durga literally ought to tear each other apart when fighting for You attention. Partavi has to keep them in check so Shiva doesn't have to step in himself.

Complying with this new afterlife will grant you a very happy eternity and a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.

You're surrounded by riches and loving powerful gods who want nothing more than to see you joyful. Who wouldn't want that?

Well, not you... You've lived your life! Yeah it may have been cut off short by quite a bit, but all you want to do is to finally be at peace. That shit was way more than enough. You really did not need any more issues.

Being strangely unaffected by the wipe out of Earth's humanity was just the height of it, but being kidnapped by one of the succeeding gods of the final battle was plain horrifying.

Refusing Shiva's wives affections isn't too bad in itself, but moving away from him is unacceptable.

Keeping to yourself in their shared room, not speaking to any one of them, refusing to accept their gifts and invitations, not looking after your health, pushing Shiva away when he tries to get close, and worst of all, saying you wish to not be with him.

Shiva is an emotionally driven guy, so you disobeying only displeased him further. Punishment is in order no?

Shiva won't beat you into submission, but he will intimidate and deprive you. Since you want to be so ungrateful, then maybe you should be on your own for a while huh?

You're literally thrown into a cold room with no windows and are left there for who knows how long. No one to check on you. Nothing to hinder your obvious chosen solitude. No food. No water. No one to pity you. Just the thought of sun rising and setting outside of your silent enclosure.

You hate it. You thought being alone was in every way better than being with them, but you realize that you don't like being lonely.

You despise the churning acidic bubbling in your stomach. The way your chapped lips stick together. No matter the silks and fabrics in the room, you never feel quite warm enough yet.

By the time they finally open the door, letting light pour into your room once more, you're running into whoever's arms is there.

You want- no, you need to feel something. To know that you're free of that confinement. To be free of your one and only being. Shiva's familiar warm blood pulsing through his body confirmed it.

Shiva of course, is pleased by this development. Humans will fight like hell, but will succumb one way or another.

"You miss me that much Y/n? Finally learned your lesson? Hehaha, I knew you could do it."

But if you had tried to escape? Oh hoho you are in for one big ride.

Shiva is infuriated. His rage is unlike any other. When he is hit with a hard pang of anger, all sense disappear and the only thing he can think about is how terrible the heat of emotions feel.

He is only ever at your side, so you being able to slip away can be so very rare. You won't be roaming outside his territory for very long as it would only last a couple of moments.

Was the sunlight hitting your form willing for once worth it? Was the rushing adrenaline of possibly achieving personal autonomy again worth it? The gleeful smile and feeling of heavy panting as you ran out gave you a sick, twisted feeling pleasure.

As Shiva topples you to the ground, his weight and arms hit you like a truck. If you were still alive, you'd say your soul was knocked out of you.

Too infuriated to even speak of his disappointments, he dislocates your shoulder. Your scream of agony echos throughout the secluded area, but it doesn't reach anyone.

You're taken back in for a full nights punishment. What made you think you'd be able to outrun Shiva? A final battle champion. The god of destruction. One who destroys, creates and rebuilds the world anew again.

The most damage you'll receive is some fractured bones, but nothing too bad. None of your skeletal structure is sticking out, but you can sure as hell feel the shattering.

You are of course treated. Shiva feels little sympathy for your injuries, but he does pity that sad pout you adorn in your medical clothing.

"Sorry Y/n. I was only trying to protect you, but it seemed like you couldn't understand that. I still love you so very much, so please forgive me."

This guy is the ultimate love bomber smh

Paravati, Kali and Durga don't like when you get so harshly punished like that, but they know it's what must be done.

If you ever actually get out for longer than expected, (which is mighty fucking impressive) those three will be on the hunt for you with no stop until you are found again.

And even if you had somehow gotten away, where would you go in Valhalla? God, you can't go to Zeus for help. He would laugh in your face and hand you off to Shiva like every other "lost belonging". Any other god would do the same.

Maybe Buddha could help? Then again, just because he fought for humanity doesn't mean he's your friend. Especially because it would be him against another god.

You can't return to your old home. It's where they had taken you from in the first place.

Other godly territory can be scary. Many myths and legends you might not know of, lowly salty gods may attack you, the social separation between humans and gods, and not to mention the people who inhabit the land there themselves.

Shiva would probably put a missing souls report out there for bounty if he had gotten desperate anyway.

So perhaps it's best to just, leave things as they are. Just to avoid trouble you know? Yeah, trouble.

[impala-dreamer]

Louder

A Supernatural Story

~ Dean's got you right where he wants you...~

Dean x Reader

1,209 Words

Warnings: NSF W. Bondage. Overstimulation. Smu t. 

Originally Posted to Patreon May '22

Impala-Dreamer’s Masterlist  ~  Patreon  ~ Published Works

The rope burned across your wrists but you tried not to struggle too badly. There’s really no way to escape even if you wanted to. As it was, you were right where you wanted to be, right where you’d asked to be: caught in Dean’s web, bound by his ropes, totally at his mercy.

Years of hunting had given him a nice knowledge of knots, being tied down himself more than once showed him what hurt and what hurt just right. Even though you’d only done this a few times, he was quite good at it. Most of all, he enjoyed the look of anticipation on your pretty face as he neared the bed, loved to hear all the precious moans and blasphemous curses he could pull from your gut.

“Comfy?” he asked, standing at the foot of the bed, naked from the waist up, flexing his biceps as your eyes traipsed over them.

You twisted again, showing him how well he’d tied you down. Ankles and wrists were spread open and locked to the bed posts. You shimmied your ass and wiggled down into the plush comforter.

“Quite,” you answered, making him grin and lick his juicy lips.

He set one knee and both hands on the bed, preparing to pounce. “Good… You remember your word?”

“I’m not going to need a safe word, Dean. It’s just rope.”

“Rope that you can’t get out of,” he reminded you, now fully on his knees on the mattress. His fingers danced over the binding on your right ankle and a shiver hit your spine. “What’s the word?”

With a sigh, you tipped your head to stare down at him. “Robin.”

“Very good.” His hand slid down your calf, massaging gently as he went. When he reached your thigh, you tugged at the ropes, trying to hide, to close your legs and shy away from him. “Where ya goin’, Princess?”

Wetness slid down the crack of your ass and you bucked your hips against the air. “Nowhere?”

Dean grinned. “That’s right. So stop squirming…” His index finger traced the crease of your thigh. “I ain’t even started yet.”

“Oh, God…”

The bed creaked as Dean plopped down onto his belly and pushed his shoulders between your legs. “God has nothing to do with what I’m about to do to you, Y/N. Just remember that.”

Biting your lip, you held back a moan as Dean licked a stripe up your cunt. So very lightly, he repeated the motion, using the tip of his tongue to glide through your slick folds without actually pushing inside or giving you pressure to make anything happen. It was infuriatingly mesmerizing.

“Dean…” Your arms pulled at the ropes. “Please.”

His breath was hot on your clit as he spread you open with his thumbs. “Already begging? Wow. I’m good.” He laughed against your flesh and the vibrations made everything tighten. Your arms and legs pulled inwards, but there was still nowhere to go, no way to run away.

“So good,” you moaned, hoping to urge him on.

With a smirk, he went at it, lightly circling your clit with the tip of his tongue. He swept over the top on every third circle and then changed direction, driving you absolutely insane.

Your thighs shook aside his head.

Your wrists twisted in place.

“Dean!”

“Love when you scream my name, baby,” he growled, nose bumping your clit as he licked at your hole. “Wanna hear it louder.” He pushed his tongue inside and your muscles clenched.

“Dean!”

“Louder…”

He lapped at your aching clit while pulsing two thick fingers at your entrance.

“Dean!”

“You can do better…”

The fingers slipped inside and your vision blurred. Tossing your head back, you screamed his name to the ceiling as he sealed his lips around your throbbing bud.

“Dean! Fucking fuck!”

Again, he grinned against your skin. “Much better.”

The digits curled inside and Dean stroked your sweet spot, petting it quickly as he suckled on your clit. His free arm reached up and grabbed hold of your tit, squeezing the nipple hard and giving it a good tug.

You came with a blunt cry as if something had snapped open inside of you.

Dean held on, fucking you on his hand while your body pulsed around him.

“Please…” Your hips thrashed up against his face but Dean kept on, lightly toying with your cunt with tiny kitten licks all over.

His pace slowed but the pleasure did not. He added another finger, stretching you further, and the edge was lost. You came again without warning and Dean removed his fingers, licking tenderly until your breathing slowed again.

“God, you’re amazing,” you whimpered, twisting downwards to grind on his mouth.

“And I’m not done yet,” he said, thumbing your clit softly.

“But, I-”

Green eyes looked up and Dean eased himself onto one elbow. “You haven’t given me what I want yet.”

Your body tightened and he increased the pressure of his strokes.

“W-what do you want?” Breathing was hard, words were harder.

His lips curled into a sly smile. “I think you know.”

“I can’t cum again,” you insisted, shaking your head.

He laughed gently and his thumb turned faster. “But I know you can. And you can cum harder…”

Before you could protest or think to squirm away, Dean dove back down, immediately replacing his thumb with his hot tongue. The tightness inside formed again. The pleasure built and built until your breath was clipped and your throat was raw. Dean held you on the edge, watching carefully as you writhed above him, listening intently to each whisper and groan lest he hear your word.

“Please, Dean. I need- I need it.”

“What’s that?” he teased, tapping his middle finger on your swollen cunt.

“I need it,” you groaned, tugging on the ropes again.

“What do you need?” His finger pushed inside an inch.

“Need your cock.”

He crooked his finger. “Then give me what I want…”

The pressure increased and your mind melted. “I can’t!”

“You can.”

Finger stroking your g spot, Dean set his lips once more against your clit and sucked hard, tongue flickering over the tip inside the warm cave of his mouth.

“Please, please, please…” You could feel the moment approaching, but it was so hard to let go, so difficult to just let it happen.

“Do it.”

His growl shoved you right over the edge and you clenched down on his hand, pushing it from your body with a gush of wetness that soaked deep into the sheets.

A proud smile lit his face and Dean pumped his hand harder, coaxing another wave of cum out.

Panting, you clawed at the ropes, fingers digging into the fibers, body twisting, trying to get away.

“There’s my girl,” Dean whispered, mercifully pulling away and kicking his shorts off.

“Please…”

Your whine was pathetic and desperate and Dean drank it down like fine wine.

“Did so good for me…” Back on the bed, he shifted between your legs, hand grabbing your ass to lift you up a bit. “Giving me what I wanted…”

A breathless ‘yes’ was all you could answer as his cock nudged at your cunt.

“Now you can have what you want…”

2023 Forever Tags (Always Open! Send an Ask!)

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[icybluepenguin]

The Sweetest Screams

Summary: Astarion relives a night of torture under Cazador. You wake him up and help him feel better by telling him how you see all the parts of him. Inspired by his lines “I am more than what you made me” and “I feel safe with you. Seen.” This is kind of exploring how he got there.

Pairing: Astarion x gender neutral Tav/reader

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Dark, Whump, Torture, Graphic Description, Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse, Cazador, Godey, breaking bones, cuts, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Emotional Comfort, feeling seen & safe, Praise, Love, Astarion Has A Bad Time, I'm Sorry, but then he gets put back together again with lots of love and fluff

Note: Extra extra thanks to @brabblesblog and @leomonae for taking their time to beta & edit this. 💙 Go check out their work, they're amazing!

This link will take you past the torture, if you want to read the comfort/fluffy part: Skip hurt only comfort (goes to Ao3)

---

“Astarion…”

The dark singsong voice in his head sent a shiver down his spine. It was cloyingly sweet and full of false enticement. 

He balled up the shirt he'd been working on and hurried to hide it, together with his needle and thread. He didn't want his siblings to find them; he knew he wouldn't be able to come back for a while. 

“Come to me, child.”

Astarion had no choice but to obey. 

What had he done wrong? Has he not been the very model of obedience lately?  Even his siblings had noticed, calling him the master's little lapdog. Had he not brought back a beautiful half-elf for his master? 

He huffed at himself.  As if it ever mattered what he had or had not done. There was only one thing that tone of voice meant. 

Astarion knew where to find him. Even without the vague sense he always had of where his sire was, Astarion knew what to expect tonight.  

The master was bored. 

Astarion made his way down dark hallways, his feet moving on their own.  He felt like he was floating.  He passed no one on his way– was that his mistake tonight? He had come back too early, before the others, and so was the only target? 

The stench of the kennels wafted over him as he opened the door.  Decay, despair, rust.  Fetid and heavy.

The master was there, as expected, sitting in an ornate chair that had been dragged in just for the occasion.  A body slumped on a table next to him; still alive, but barely.  The man Astarion had brought back not two hours ago, now with a huge, dripping gash on his neck.  The scent of blood made Astarion feral, his hunger roaring through his dread. 

It was going to be a long night. 

“Is this how you greet your master, boy?” 

The master dragged a finger through the oozing blood on the body, bringing it to his lips to lick it off.  Astarion's mouth watered, his whole body aching for a taste of it. 

Astarion knelt, back straight and head bowed. “Good evening, Master.  H-how can I serve you?”  He hated the tremble in his voice he could never get rid of.  Hadn't he been tortured enough by now? Shouldn't it not bother him any longer?  Why must he be so weak? 

“Remove your clothes.  We do not want them getting stained, do we?  They are already pathetic.”

And whose fault is that, Astarion couldn't help but think, and then cowered into his own mind, stripping his shirt off faster, as if it would erase his blasphemous thought. He folded his clothes with trembling hands, quickly, terrified to be seen as anything but obedient.  

“We will make lovely music for the master, won't we, little one?” Godey chattered as Astarion placed his folded bundle somewhere the spray of blood wouldn't reach it.  “We are so lucky he is joining us tonight.  We will put on a good show for him.”  

The skeleton’s genial, eager voice washed over Astarion as he planted his feet, shivering uncontrollably, his eyes unfocused and pointed at the wall. There was nothing to do now but endure. He couldn't stop this. 

“Start with his face, Godey. I want to see his lovely features covered in bruises.”  The master took another drink from the body, blood coating his lips. “And you, Astarion. Stand still and scream prettily for me.”

Godey's bare finger bones creaked as they folded into a fist.  Astarion closed his eyes, knowing that bracing for the blow was useless, but the instinct hadn't died yet.  Pain bloomed across his cheek; he barely had time to gasp before the other side was punched - harder.  It split his lip, his own blood bright on his tongue.  

He swayed on his feet, dizzy and starving.  When was the last time he ate?  The scent of rich, fresh blood filled the air, the master playing with his meal as he watched.  Astarion, so, so desperately hungry, almost bared his fangs for a taste.  He could never touch that blood, even if he were not too weak to take it.  But he wanted it so badly even the cracking of his cheekbone from the rain of blows didn't ache as much as the hunger did. 

Astarion knew what the master wanted. A tiny, contrary part of him– a part he had tried hard to crush–  demanded he make the master earn his screams. He could indulge in this small withholding, this smallest sip of power, couldn't he? 

It wouldn't matter either way. They would destroy him, it was inevitable as the sunrise. 

He could barely see now, his eyes swelling nearly shut. His head was spinning. He staggered down to his knees, hands splayed in front of him to keep him from falling on his ruined face.  He thought there were tears, but he couldn't feel them. 

“Do not slouch, boy.”

Astarion tried to stand, but his brain seemed to slosh in his head and he collapsed back down. The earliest wounds were already starting to heal.  But it was slow- it had been so long since he'd fed.

“Weak,” the master sneered, the word full of disappointment and disgust. “I told you to stand still. Such a simple command and yet you cannot follow it.”

Godey’s hand grabbed his hair, the bones scraping on his scalp, pulling back to bend his neck at a cruel angle. There was something in its other hand, something red with dried blood.

When the blade touched his skin, he begged. It was what they wanted. In a slurred, breathy voice, he begged for mercy, for forgiveness, for the knife to stop slicing his skin into hideous art.  

He begged for death. 

It did not matter. There was no rhyme or reason to this. 

His pleas were worthless. He was worthless. Nothing he did changed anything, now or ever.  He was nothing. Weak. 

“Please, I'm sorry… Just kill me, please, let me die…”

The master sighed with frustration.  “Always such yapping from you.  Are you never out of words?”

His only purpose was to be entertainment.  For his master, for his victims.  He only existed to be pleasing, and his pain was pleasing to them.  

He couldn't even do that right. 

The master stood. Astarion rocked back and forth, whimpering, trying to pay attention to the master's movements, to anticipate what the master would want from him, but the burning, stinging, overwhelming pain consumed him. 

An elegant hand held something wriggling and squeaking to Astarion's face.  

Fresh.

Alive. 

It's a trick. 

His body acted before he could think.  He snatched the treat with greedy hands and sank his fangs into its twisting body before it could be taken from him.  He drained it in huge gulps, finishing far too soon, sucking on its empty body long after it had ceased to give him blood. 

“Disgusting.  Have you no manners, boy?” 

The master's eyes glowed a brighter red and magic seized him, yanking him to his feet. 

The rat dropped from his mouth and he whined, still starving. His wounds were healing faster, burning through what little nourishment he'd gotten. He knew it was a trick, food was always a trick. It didn't matter. He wanted more. 

His body was contorted, forcing him back to his knees, arms extended in front of him. 

The master grabbed his chin, examining the closing cuts on his face and the rat blood that had dripped down his neck.  “Not even a ‘thank you’ for your dinner?  What an unruly child.  After all I have done for you–  such wasted effort.”  His palm cracked across Astarion's face, making his head snap to the side, making his broken cheekbone shriek with renewed vigor.  “At least we have stopped your yapping, for once.”

Haven't I been obedient, didn't I bring you a beautiful meal? he wanted to wail.  What more can I do?

The master wiped his hand clean of blood on Astarion's hair and returned to his chair.  “I have not heard him scream yet. Break his hands. That is always a delightful sound.”  

“Oh yes, we haven't done this in a long time. Last time, you sounded so pretty, little one,” Godey hummed as it rummaged for something out of Astarion’s sight.

Astarion's stomach dropped like a stone, his muscles yanking helplessly against the magic. Beat him, flay him, drain him, but–

He sobbed, “Please, I've been good, please, I'll be so good,” knowing that mercy did not exist in this room. They would cut him and break him until they tired of it, dragging his pulverized body to one of the blood-stained palettes until he healed enough to do it all again. 

And again.  

And again. 

“Stop making such a fuss, little one. Godey will take good care of you, just like always.” The skeleton raised a pair of large pliers into Astarion's view. 

The metal jaws were intensely cold on his finger.  No, no no-

He screamed for them. He screamed until his throat was raw, until his voice was gone, and still he screamed. The master's pleased laughter cut through his own noises to ring in his ears. The master's delight wouldn't save him. Nothing would save him from the crushing, crunching, ripping–

“Astarion. Astarion!” 

He jerked. 

There was no pain. 

The air smelled clean and… sweet. 

He stared blankly up at a face that had skin and softness, not naked bone.  

You. You were there. He was in your tent in… Rivington. Yes, that's where he was. Not the kennels. 

“You were screaming.”

He swallowed, noticing the soreness in his throat.  

“They're getting worse, the closer we get to Baldur's Gate, aren't they?”

“Well, it's not as if I have any happy memories to meditate with,” he said, trying to wave it away even though his voice was hoarse.  It was getting worse, the closer he got to home.  Instead of memories that he could replay as an observer, detached, he felt swallowed by them.  Forced to relive every torturous detail.  He held his hands in front of his face to be sure they weren't crushed to a pulp.  He could almost still feel it. 

He was desperate to kill Cazador.  Every second of delay was interminable. He wanted to be truly free of the man, to see his corpse at his feet and know that Cazador would never touch him again. And if he could take all of his potential power for himself? Even better.  

But he was also terrified to his very core to see his old master again. What if he couldn't do it? He was stronger now, but he still felt too weak for this. And what if something happened to you? He would never forgive himself.  

“I’m sorry that I woke you,” he said. “Go back to sleep, darling. I'm fine.” Guilt made his stomach twist. You got precious little sleep as it was, and he was making it worse. After all you had done for him. Ungrateful. Unruly. 

“Yeah, that's not happening. You were screaming. I'm not going back to sleep and leaving you alone.”  You cupped his face in your hands, rubbing his temples with your thumbs. “Tell me about it.”

He didn't want to; wanted to shove it down and pretend it had never happened, like every other time. He hated to burden you, to make you listen to him yapping. You deserved better.

“Astarion,” you said gently. “I know that look. Try me. Please.”

He felt so brittle under your touch. Ready to shatter into a thousand pieces if he wasn't careful.  Gods, he wanted to tell you everything as much as he didn't want to tell you a single thing. 

“It was just…” He struggled for a quip, but nothing came.  “It was a memory of Cazador's torments. Nothing special.”

“Come on.” You stood, grabbing his hand to urge him up. “We're going outside.”

“Outside?” He was completely baffled. 

“Yes.” You pulled the blanket off the bedroll and led him out, the both of you barefoot and in your nightclothes.

The moon was bright and low on the horizon, its silver light shining on you as you picked your way across camp, still holding his hand. Astarion inhaled deeply, the cool air filling his lungs.  He hadn't even realized he had felt trapped in the small space of the tent but now, as a breeze tickled his hair, he couldn't imagine going back inside. 

He couldn't stand to keep the words trapped inside either. They came haltingly at first, half-mumbled as if he hoped you wouldn't hear. But by the time you were spreading out the blanket on a patch of soft grass, the memory was pouring out. It was easier out here in the open with you not staring at him, while he choked back emotion, trying and failing to stay aloof and sarcastic about it all. 

You sat next to him, fingers laced through his in silent comfort. 

When he was done, he waited for the pity, for you to see him as a broken, pathetic thing.  He knew you couldn't make these memories go away, could never remove the pain of them.  You couldn't make it so he hadn’t lived them.  

But you surprised him again. 

You squeezed his hand just a little too hard. “We are going to destroy that rat-bastard.  There won't be enough pieces of him left to fill a chalice when we're done with him.”

He coughed, a laugh stuck in his throat from the uncharacteristic venom in your voice. “Well, I do appreciate that, darling.  It wasn't even the worst night,” he shrugged. “Or maybe it was one of many similar worst nights. Hard to pick, really.” He sighed. “It was usually one or the other of them. But nights when Cazador was bored… When he wanted to be… entertained, those held an extra layer of humiliation.”

He pulled his hand from you, wrapping his arms around his knees, curling his body around the sudden crushing pressure in his chest. Weak. Pathetic. Disgusting. Never obedient enough.  Never good enough.  

He strangled back the tears that threatened to fall. “I was nothing to them. Less than a dog. Just… an object to be broken at their whims.”

Astarion put his head on his knees, huddled as tightly as he could get, but the shame and despair and fear wouldn't stop growing. Weak. 

“And this wretched contract.  All the shit Cazador put me through, the centuries of torment… just to be consumed so that he can attain greater power?”  Why, why did that hurt?  He hated Cazador to the very depths of his soul.  Being discarded, though, even by him, being so worthless that only his death mattered at all crushed his heart. 

Bitterness twisted his lips and he huffed.  “Being consumed. That's what I was made for.”  

“Astarion-” 

“I'm only good for entertainment. I'm a toy. Sex or torture, it doesn't matter.” I don't matter. 

“That's not true at all.”

“Oh, isn't it?” he snapped, head jerking up to glare at you. “How did this start then?” He gestured between you. “You just had to sleep with the sexy vampire, didn't you.”  

He bit his lip hard. Lashing out was easier than being honest, pushing the hurt onto someone else, being the one to wield the knife for once. He cowered deeper into his knees. And after he had woken you and you were staying awake with him.  Ungrateful. Unruly.  Weak.  Pathetic. 

But you didn't rise to the bait.

“Why are you even with me?” he asked in a quiet, broken voice - the question that had been lurking in the back of his mind since you'd chosen him, the question that begged to be answered whenever he looked at you but that he could never utter, terrified of what you would say. “I’m too much wasted effort. I can't give you anything. Not sex, not safety…” 

“What in our time together gives you the impression that I am someone concerned with safety?”  There was a bit of laughter in your words, incredulous but gentle. “I was never with you for the sex.  It was nice-” 

Even drowning as he was, Astarion couldn't keep from retorting, “It was more than just ‘nice.’”  

Your slightly exasperated smile warmed his hurting heart. 

“Fine, it was mind-blowing in every way. But that was not and is not and never will be why I love you.”

You had never said it before. Love. But you said it so clearly, so naturally, as if there was no question at all, that Astarion's eyes welled with tears.  He blinked them back. 

You touched him carefully, drawing his head up to look at you but giving him the chance to pull away.  “I love you, Astarion.  All the broken pieces, all the rough edges, all the contradictory mishmash.  I love the gleeful little noise you make when we find some good treasure.  And the pride on your face after you open a particularly hard lock.  I love watching you read, I love watching you embroider, I love watching you try to learn necromancy.  Mm, if I were worried about safety, I probably shouldn't let you do that.”

Something started to uncurl from the tight, painful ball in his chest as Astarion watched you talk about him with bright enthusiasm. He hadn't realized how much attention you'd paid to the small details of him. 

“I love listening to you. I love seeing you smile. Gods above, I love seeing you smile.”  You smiled to yourself at the memory of it.  “I've watched you grow from being so afraid– understandably–  to trusting us. Trusting me enough to let me know you.  And I am so glad you did. I'm so glad you're here.” 

“And I'm beautiful, don't forget that,” he said with forced airiness to deflect, adoring the praises and uncomfortable with being so seen at the same time.

“You are unfairly beautiful. But that's not what this is about. You are brave, Astarion. You've thrown yourself into battles with goblins and cultists and a hag, fights that would have given trained soldiers a fright.  You don't take shit from anyone. Not even explosive wizards or transdimensional warriors or whatever the hells Withers is.”

Your voice lowered and you touched your forehead to his. “I love you. All of you.”

Three little words… everyone's favorite. He had used them to con hundreds of people.  Hundreds had said it to him in a lust-driven haze. This was something so vastly different.  

He could feel it.  It wasn't just three little words.  It settled in his ribs, sweet and precious and sincere.

“May I kiss you?” 

The question surprised him. But now that you had asked, he wanted it badly.  To feel connected to you, to this new life, to feel like he was wanted. 

“Please,” he said. 

But you didn't lean in as he expected. 

You picked up his hand, laying a soft kiss on each joint.  You kissed his palm, turning it over to kiss the other side. You laid another on his wrist and then did the same with the other hand, slow and methodical.  These weren't teasing or erotic. It was, he realized, as if he were a small child.  You cupped his face and pressed your warm lips to his cheek, to the bridge of his nose, to his brow.  

Everywhere that he had said he'd been hurt. 

He couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They surged up in a tidal wave, the simple kindness of your kisses flooding him, and he buried his head in your neck with a whimper.  

“Shh, I've got you,” you whispered, stroking his hair. “It's okay.”

He wrapped his arms around you, clinging like he'd be lost without you grounding him.  His hands clawed into your nightshirt;  all the longing and doubt and fear and rage that he'd been shoving away crashed over him, impossible to ignore, impossible to hold.  It poured out of him in gasping, ugly sobs. 

You just held him, rubbing his back, occasionally murmuring something comforting or encouraging. 

He cried until he was empty, until the raging storm had passed and all he felt was exhausted and drained.  His grip on you loosened, but he didn't let go. He listened to your breathing, consciously pulling air in and out of his lungs to match. It was soothing. 

He was a mess and so was your shirt.  He felt shaky and vulnerable, tender like a new wound. 

But he didn't feel weak.  

“Here, my love,” you said, holding your wrist up. “Eat.  You'll feel better.”

He almost dissolved into tears again.  There was no trick, no hidden motive, just food because he needed it.

Taking your arm, he did his best to bite gently. It was the least he could do. You hissed and tensed but wouldn't let him pull away.

“Just stings a little more than I expected. I'm fine. Eat, please.”  

It was exceedingly peaceful, watching the sky slowly lighten and the stars fade, slumped against your shoulder with the rich taste of your blood in his mouth. You stroked his back with your free hand, and he thought, maybe this was what home was supposed to feel like.

Loved.  Wanted.  Seen. 

-

Master Post

[mykneeshurt]

Confession

Image by wallpaper flare

Priest AU

Priest! John McTavish x AFAB! Reader

Warnings - 18+, minors DNI, heavy religious themes being used in a very blasphemous way lmao, if you’re easily offended by sexualised religion this ain’t for you chief

———

Mass had long since finished, the congregation had left and the sun was setting. The sky was a beautiful orange which pierced through the stained glass windows at the back of the church. Frankincense still hung in the air, swirls of smoke drifted in the warm summer air as it blew around you.

The sound of a door opening quickly pulled you from your thoughts. Father McTavish emerged from the priests chamber, dressed in a white shirt and black trousers. His muscles bulged against the white material with every movement. He was completely in his own world having not noticed you were still sat on one of the benches.

‘Father McTavish!’ You called out as you waved to get his attention. As he looked over towards you his brow furrowed slightly, ‘is everything ok? I was just locking up.’ Nodding you offered him a warm smile, ‘the homily was lovely today Father, I was just wondering if you had a spare minute for confession?’ He mulled it over in his mind for a second before guesting you to follow him.

He smelt of frankincense and sandalwood, a strong musky scent but one that made you feel giddy. You watched as he led you to the confessional box which sat in the corner of the church. It was a deep oak colour, intricate patterns carved into the wood adorned the edges as two arches exposed the booths. Deep maroon velvet curtains hung lazily on gold rails to offer some feeling of privacy.

His hand brushed the small of your back as he guided you into the booth, you shot him an innocent look as he pulled the heavy curtain across. The sounds of his footsteps echoed in the booth as he took his position, the wood creaking beneath his weight.

The wood settled as he let out a breath, ‘how long has it been since your last confession?’ Smiling to yourself in the solitude of your booth you bit your lip. ‘I’ve never been Father, this is my first.’

‘And what sin would you like to confess?’

You licked your lips slowly. ‘It’s not a sin I have committed, but one I’m about to.’

You heard him take in a sharp breath, ‘what are you going to do?’

You didn’t answer.

You both sat there drowning in the silence, each of you waiting for the other to break first. The atmosphere shifted in that moment. It became thick, suffocating. He shifted in his seat.

‘Do you touch yourself Father?’ You whispered, finally breaking the silence. ‘I … what?’ He stammered.

‘Do you ever touch yourself? I’ve seen how you look at me. It’s ok if you do. I’ve thought about you too.’

‘This … this isn’t appropriate.’ He muttered, his voice cracking under the pressure you were putting him under. ‘Neither is the way you undress me during mass. You can look if you want to. I don’t mind.’ He exhaled, breath shaking violently as he did so. ‘Are you touching yourself Father?’

Silence.

‘I’m touching myself, and it feels so good. So fucking good.’

‘I … I can’t. It’s a sin.’

‘Yes you can, touch yourself for me’ you whispered.

Silence weighed heavy on the booth again, crushing you both. You could imagine how he was sitting in the booth, squirming at your request, chewing his cheek, just like he did when you smiled at him. You heard the sound of his belt buckle being unfastened.

‘Good boy’ you drawled softly, ‘you hard for me?’

A soft whimper fell from his lips, ‘yes’, images of his chest rising and falling as strained noises exuded from his chest filled your mind. ‘I’m so wet for you John. Can you hear it?’ You slid your fingers along your wet cunt, allowing the noises to fill the confessional box. The sound of pure sin, the sound of lust.

Inserting a finger you began to fuck yourself, moving your fingers in and out, moaning softly. You added another ‘it feels so good, I’m just thinking about it being your cock Father. Filling my pussy, fucking me so hard. Are you thinking of me?’ You could hear him pumping his cock next to you, laboured breathing echoing in the confines of the wooden walls.

You picked up your pace, the palm of your hand hitting against your clit. ‘I wanna hear you. I wanna hear you fucking your hand thinking it’s me.’ Doing as he was told he allowed himself to become more vocal, muffled moans and whimpers, strained cried and heavy breathing. ‘You’re such a good boy for me father’ you muttered as you threw your head back, bucking your hips you craved for more friction. Desperately wanting to feel him pressed against you, bodies intertwined in a wicked mess of sexual desire.

Adding a third finger you screwed your eyes shut, moaning his name like a prayer. You imagined his face, flushed with pleasure, his azure eyes clenched shut, biting his supple lips. The sound of him pumping his cock consumed you, his swollen throbbing cock. It made you salivate as you pinched your nipple through your clothes. ‘Father I’m so close, so so close. Are you?’

‘I … god … yes’ he whimpered through clenched teeth. ‘Say my name when you cum Father. I want you to say it, I want you to think of filling me, making me feel so full.’ Your own voice was starting to crack, your orgasm beckoning you closer and closer. The booth felt like it was shrinking as you chased your high, closer and closer. ‘Do it Johnny. Let me hear you.’

That was enough to push him over the edge, a guttural whine burst from the back of his throat as he came. Your name danced across his lips as he rode out his high, muttering it over and over again. A string of curses left him as he tried to catch his breath. Your own orgasm soon followed, your back arched off the oak wood as you clenched your thighs together. Biting your lip you writhed in your seat, ‘fuck Father, please it feels so good.’

White noise filled your senses as the coil snapped within you. As your cunt pulsated around your fingers you felt your arousal trickle out of you. Staining the velvet cushion you sat on, a perfect reminder for him every time he gave confession. A perfect reminder of the sin he committed, one that you didn’t have the power to forgive.

That was up to God.

————

Quite a short one but masturbation only lasts so long lmao

@luminousbeings-crudematter @deadbranch @glitterypirateduck @villainsoftheweek @soapyghost @cowyolks