#get the tissues out

[otmaaromanovas]

The Lost Grand Duchesses part 2: Alexandra Pavlovna

When she was born at 7:40 in the morning in 1783, the baby Grand Duchess Alexandra Pavlovna was instantly viewed as second class. Her grandmother, Catherine II ‘the Great’, wrote “I infinitely more like boys than girls”, and told her staff that she found the newborn to be very ugly. She called the baby “a very ugly creature.” This dislike of Alexandra continued into her toddler years, when Catherine continuously compared the young Alexandra to her baby sister, insisting that little Elena was much more charming and intelligent than Alexandra.

Despite this, Alexandra adored her grandmother, who wrote that the little girl would do “anything just to please me.” Alexandra and Elena were painted together as a gift to Catherine, and the two little girls lovingly hold up and caress a diamond encrusted miniature portrait of their grandmother.

By the age of four, Alexandra’s education had begun, and her intelligence in languages (being fluent in four) and writing made Catherine finally pay more attention to her, but for entirely different reasons.

As soon as the little girl turned eleven, Catherine wrote that the little girl who loved to dance, draw, and play music, was now to be “considered an adult”, and be made to marry. “It is time for the older one to get married” she concluded, not even mentioning Alexandra’s name.

A long and embarassing debacle followed, in which the child was left at the alter. Catherine admitted that the young girl, not yet a teenager, often adopted a “confused look” when having to meet with potential husbands, and did not want to speak to them.

Catherine died in 1797, temporarily putting Alexandra’s fate in limbo. She returned to her daily life as an unmarried girl, and even published anonymous articles that she had translated in French under the pseudonym ‘A’. However, in 1799, the prospect of an Austrian-Russian alliance was apparently too attractive to pass on, and the thirty-year-old Archduke Joseph of Austria, the Palatine of Hungary, travelled to Russia to meet the thirteen-year-old Alexandra.

The marriage was finalised, and Alexandra was forced to leave Russia - and her family - in order to move to Hungary with her new husband. Joseph wrote a letter to his brother in which he stated he was “convinced that with this marriage my domestic bliss is assured for the entirety of my life.”

Alexandra, on the other hand, was miserable. Countess Varvara Golovina, a lady at court and potential lover of the Tsarina Elizaveta Alexeievna, wrote in her memoirs that Alexandra was sad, and did not want to be forced to leave Russia. Her father, Pavel I, constantly said that he would “not see her again” and that she was “being sacrificed.” Despite this, Pavel could have prevented the marriage at any time. A single lock of golden hair fashioned into a flower was all that she left behind.

Although Alexandra was popular in Hungary among all classes, she was deeply depressed. Her friendly and charming personality had been replaced by a new temperament which was “always serious and sad”. Alexandra especially did not get on well with her mother in law, the Empress Maria Theresa of Hungary, who was intensely jealous of the young girl’s popularity. Maria Theresa intentionally antagonised the teenager, and sought to treat her badly.

In 1800, Alexandra fell pregnant, and was struck with health problems. Her mother-in-law ordered the hiring incompetent doctors (known to her to be incompetent) and insisted that the doctors obey her orders, rather than present their own educated solutions. Orders from Maria Theresa included cooking meals which Alexandra would not be able to eat, making her weak and frail.

In March 1801, Alexandra gave birth to a little girl, named Alexandrine of Austria. The pregnancy and labour had been incredibly difficult, and the baby sadly passed away within a few hours of birth. Alexandra, depressed at having been forcibly taken from her home and after having to endure cruel treatment by her mother-in-law, said: “Thank God that my daughter was now with the angels, without experiencing the miser that we are exposed to.”

Alexandra contracted puerperal fever. The doctors misdiagnosed her poor health after the birth several times, treating her for gastric diseases and typhoid rather than ‘childbed’ fever. She succumbed to the disease aged just seventeen years old.

Alexandra was not buried until two years after her death due to disagreements in the Catholic Austrian court over where to bury a Russian Orthodox. In 1981, thieves broke into Alexandra’s Mausoleum, looting her coffin and taking jewellery and clothing from her remains. Due to the vandalism, she was reburied with the deceased wives and children of her husband in the crypt of Buda Castle, which went against her wishes to be buried in an Orthodox Church. In 2004, she was reburied at the Üröm Mausoleum, in a small park surrounded by a moat. Inside the tomb, Orthodox icons line the walls, a reflection of Alexandra’s beloved faith, and her deep connection with Russia, which endured even after being “sacrificed”.

[hinamie]

spiraling

[coulsonlives]

This has been a reminder

[juliasdowntonstuff]

Read this roughly 24 hours ago and I am still not well, the end of the latest chapter absolutely broke something in me and I wept, which is very rare, especially over something written.

This whole story is so beautiful, well-crafted and gutwrenchingly sad, but so brilliantly written that you can’t put it down even when crying like a baby. At least I couldn’t. If you haven’t already - read it. I haven’t read anything this amazing in a very long time. But have tissues ready.

Chapter Eighteen of Things Given to Tomorrow

Excerpt:

“No.” Marigold’s quiet voice gathered up the authority it had been lacking moments ago, and Sybbie brought her gaze to her. “I suppose we can’t ignore that this is likely the beginning of the end.” Sybbie wanted to cry just looking at Marigold as she spoke. The soft way she stroked Shirley’s round shoulder, the softer way she tipped her curly head. “With Granny gone, it felt terrible of course. But for us to lose Donk, too?”

“Do we really have him now?” Sybbie didn’t meet the gaze of her younger cousins when she spoke, but she could feel their attention train on her all the same. “Daddy said that when the heart is ready, the body will follow. And I think his heart has been ready for a very long time.” She swallowed. “Perhaps when we were all around, when we were living here or in London and popping in and out, maybe he felt Granny was still here with him? Through us. The children. But we’re all gone. We’re all grown, and our family is –” She stopped and sighed. “I know we love each other, and we’ll always be family, but … we’re people who share more of the past than we will of tomorrow.” She chanced a glance up now and saw, plainly, that her cousins knew she was right. 

“Alright.” Caroline was the one to eventually break the strange quiet. “Let’s agree? We will do anything in our power, no matter where we live, to support those people sitting in there with Donk now. I mean it. Especially George, especially because he’ll be Lord Grantham sooner than I think he would like.” She offered everyone a rueful grin. “What is it that my mum likes to say? ‘We Crawleys stick together.’”

[canisalbus]

I imagine Vasco puts up his ears in a ponytail when the get in the way

(Machete is just like O.O bc his ears dont/cant do that bc it would hurt)

[author-main]

Need Phoenix to be deeply envious of how rich Miles is compared to him. He can afford therapy and hospital bills. He can afford to fuck off to Europe for a year. He can afford to get wherever he wants and still have a stable income. He doesn't have to worry about food and bills and rent. He doesn't have to be worried about anything.

Then there's Phoenix, who had pay for hospital bills in full bc he has no insurance, has few days off because he owns his business and doesn't get many clients, probably can't really pay for food AND rent sometimes, definitely has some mental health problems he can't afford to get help for, and probably has some physical disabilities on top of it all. Don't get me started on student loans.

He should look at Miles sometimes and scowl because why can't HE have a comfortable life too? He understands Miles’s struggles but there's always the thought in the back of his mind; "you have access to anything you could ever want or need, I don't get why YOU'RE acting like it's the end of the world."

They enter a domestic partnership or marry so Phoenix can take care of Trucy. It's the first time in almost a decade since he's had health insurance, and it's *good* health insurance. And all Phoenix can do is sit there pissed because all those jokes about marrying rich were true. A big part of him always wanted to make it on his own, but he couldn't. Everything was taken away from him. His job, his income, his reputation, his stability. And he's forced to rely on Miles and his money.

He's mad because it's not fair and it was never fair, and now he can never complain because now he can get whatever he needed, and that's all he ever really wanted.

[total-drama-brainrot]

i now wanna hear your very long character analysis on how the drama machine affected alejandro

Yeah alright.

So I haven't actually watched All-stars, but I did skim through this video to get a feel for Alejandro's characterisation in it, since All-stars is the only canonical material we get from Alejandro post Drama Machine.

And by skim I really do mean skim; I was mostly looking out for signs of his imprisonment's influence, which for the most part seems to be as follows:

His legs fell asleep.

He developed a minor case of agoraphobia, mostly in the context of sleeping in open spaces.

His standards of human interaction have plummeted; something he's aware and accepting of.

Interestingly enough, he doesn't really seem to acknowledge the volcano itself (outside of an offhanded comment) or the injuries he got from the explosion. His focus is solely on his time in the suit, not what out him there in the first place. He even skirts over a memory loss issue, which could contribute to this.

I'll tackle these three points in more detail, and then give examples of how they can be developed into actual characterisation points instead of (for the most part) gags.

Number one; Leggy McLatin and the paraplegia scheme.

Alejandro's inadvertant and unintentional escape from the Drama Machine, and subsequent readmission into the competition (as himself, instead of as the machine) is, for the most part, entirely focal on the fact that his legs no longer work after his year of entrapment. It's a big deal - or, at least, as big of a deal as any injury or ailment can be in the context of Total Drama, considering that he doesn't miraculously get better in the span of an episode. Of course, we learn fairly early on that he's faking the paraplegia, but it's fairly heavily implied that his legs really were asleep initially (and that, in all likelihood, the massage we see him getting from an intern is what "wakes them up").

What's interesting about this particular plotline choice is that it would, realistically, be entirely feasable for Alejandro to have mobility issues after spending a year inside a robot.

Now, I'm no doctor, nor do I have any formal medical training, but I do know that not being able to move your body for an extended period of time results in a serious case of muscle atrophy. We see in canon that Alejandro was essentially locked in a seated position for the year; his arms, head and (assumedly) torso had place to move around, but he couldn't really stretch out his legs. This would explain the "weakness" of his legs in the first episode - i.e. their wobbliness, and the fact that they couldn't hold up Alejandro's body weight. The numbness he cites would be explained by poor circulation - again caused by him being sat down for a solid twelve months.

Or it could be nerve damage from the eruption, but given that Alejandro doesn't seem to have any long-term issues that stem from the volcano itself, it's unlikely.

So it can be assumed that the numbness of his legs was offset by the massage he gets after the first challenge. The masseuse kickstarts the blood circulation back into his legs, resulting in him regaining sensation in them - enough feeling to notice a crab pinching at his feet.

And, if I really want to reach into headcanon territory/realism, the reason he keeps up the "ruse" is because, despite having feeling in his legs, the muscles there are still fairly atrophied and he has a lot of trouble walking, let alone running, for extended periods of time. Though, as it stands, any long-term impact on his health would be entirely headcanon/fanon territory, due to the nature of the show itself.*

Then there's the psychological aspect to consider. Alejandro's a very prideful person by design - that's evident in both the way he portrays himself and the physical standards he holds himself to. Having use of half of his body stripped away from his is bound to be distressing, perhaps even traumatising. Hence why he tries to make himself as useful to the team as possible despite still recovering; he needs everyone to see that he's still capable.

Eventually his legs fully recover, because this is Total Drama and things like "realistic healing processes" and "lasting damage" don't seem to exist in-universe.

Number two; snug as a bug in a rug.

Alejandro's shown to have started sleeping in a sleeping bag throughout All-stars. He even canonically states that he needs to, because of his time in the Drama Machine. He cites that sleeping whilst srpawled out makes him uncomfortable, unspokenly referring to the fact that, for a year, he'd only had the option to sleep in an incredibly cramped position/environment.

This is interesting since, for the most part, you'd assume that someone held in close-quaters captivity would develop claustrophobia instead of a form of agorophobia, and yet Alejandro seems to have internalised the need to be in an enclosed space to sleep. Maybe it's symptom of just how long be was encased for - a year is a long time - or maybe it started out as claustrophobia, but the indefinate nature of his captivity morphed the initial fear into a twisted sort of coping mechanism.

It begs the question; what else can't Alejandro do in open spaces?

Is he perpetually uncomfortable with the openness of the outside world? Does he resort to hermiting himself into closed-off corners and enclosed rooms, just to feel a semblence of normalcy after he escapes the confines of the Drama Machine? Would he take to wearing tighter but more concealing clothing, just to immitate the feeling/pressure of being trapped in a too-tight enclosure?

Is his need for a snug sleeping space indicitive of him missing his isolated imprisonment?

Which brings us nicely into the third point.

Number three; long-term isolation and the effects thereof.

Alejandro explodes out of a glorified toaster and one of the first things he really comments on is Heather's off-putting personality and her facial hair. In a positive manner. He's so starved for human contact that he attaches himself to the first "friendly"/familiar face he sees, which in this case is Heather, and focuses on the aspects of her that make her human.

If he were a "weaker man", I have no doubt Alejandro would be clambering for attention from his team, mostly for proof that he's no longer completely isolated. It's a well-documented phenomenon; people who experience a long time in isolation, or who suffer through long periods of loneliness, become desperate for socialisation (and physical contact), to the point their immune systems and biological rhythyms (from circadian to infradian) start to deteriorate.

Realistically, Alejandro would've come out of the Drama Machine a desperate and sickly mess, riddled with insomnia and paranoia and incredibly touch-starved. But, as established, the show isn't exactly true-to-life when it comes to things like this, so...

As it stands, the fact that he emerged from his prison and immediately jumped back into his charming persona attests more to the fact that his flirtatious act is so deeply ingrained into his psyche than it does to his mental wellbeing. It could be argued that he's using the same act/mask/persona as a tether to his old self and an anchor to normalcy, as he'd likely crumble into an inconsolable mess without the scaffolding of his "TV personality" keeping him upright (metaphorically of course, as Alejandro is in fact not upright in the show. He's upside down for the majority of his time on All-stars).

Or maybe he's just built different? Who's to say.

We don't exactly know what went down during his year away, so it's impossible to make any concrete statements as to whether Alejandro was afforded the luxury of other people's company, or if he really was kept 100% isolated in the machine. The only thing we do know is that he likely had access to a phone, though didn't have the capability of using it without assistance, since he calls Heather out for never trying to contact him but also states the impossibility of him doing the same in turn.

Number four; lava damage and the lack thereof.

It's sort of explained during his scene at the end of World Tour, but Alejandro's whole "being trapped in the Drama Machine" deal - alongside being a parody of the scene where Anakin Skywalker is first put into the Darth Vader suit - is stated to be for his own benefit. He's essentially being locked away into a healing suit. Again, just like Anakin - they both even sport similar burn wounds.

He mentions at the beginning of All-stars that he doesn't really remember being put into the machine, and it's safe to assume that the majority of his time in the contraption is likely fuzzy to him as well; being fully concious of complete isolation for a whole year would be enough to drive anyone completely mad, and Alejandro is decidedly not insane (for the most part). Ergo, it's also a safe assumption that the inner mechanisms of the Drama Machine act as a sort of stoporous healing chamber, keeping Alejandro semi-concious and healing his various lava burns over the course of his concealment.

Sort of like a medical coma. Inside of a robot. A portable medical coma.

The "healing properties" would also justify why Alejandro's whole body hadn't deteriorated from muscle atrophy, or developed any (visible) burn scars from his stint in the Hot Sauce. Of course, as far as burn scars go, unless they're significantly deep they do tend to fade into near-invisibility over time. That, paired with the ~magical healing properties~ of his confinement, likely resulted in his lava burns scarring over into insignificance.

Then again, I once again have to take cartoon logic into account - the show itself likely just didn't consider the semi-realistic consequences of a year of entrapment, and wanted Alejandro to be near-enough the same character he was at the end of World Tour before the consequences™.

The main point here is this; Alejandro doesn't seem to remember the majority of his injuries following the volcano eruption in the World Tour finale, or if he does he's had a year of semi-conciousness to work through his thoughts and feelings on the matter, and as a result he doesn't seem to carry any (reasonable) trauma regarding lava, volcanoes, or other related stimuli.

He does, however, retain some "quirks" from his time in the machine.

Number five; an overview.

Alejandro comes out of the Drama Machine with a surprisingly little amount of visible trauma, both in terms of physical damage/scarring and observable mental changes.

He developed a very minor case of agoraphobia, spurned on by him becoming accustomed to existing in a very small, very cramped space, but otherwise attunes himself to the outside world incredibly fast.

Is this probably related to his social training, as a diplomat's son, and his heavy reliance on a "suave and charming" persona. He's likely battling with a lot of internal issues throughout the season, but squahing down his inner turmoil under his determination to win, which explains how/why he falls so easily into his scheming mindset - it, in and of itself, is a coping mechanism, though not a very healthy one.

*The paralysis of his legs was in all likelihood genuine, and a result of poor circulatory issues and minor muscular atrophy, which was almost immediately treated by the masseuse intern after the first challenge. Realistically (and how many times have I said that word) he'd have some lasting weakness in his legs, and maybe require the use of a mobility aid and/or physiotherapy. This is not the case, because... Total Drama.

There are subtle signs of the mental impact of his imprisonment, mostly in his immediate attachment to Heather (despite her taking away his reproduction privileges the last time they spoke, and her being Heather) and his innate need to prove himself as useful/capable despite his gameplan riding on him appearing pitiable and unthreatening (due to his "sleepy legs"). He's so starved for social interaction and validation that his actions are directly contradictory to his gameplans.

Though in the case of his Heather attachment, he could just be like that. He was also fairly infatuated with her in the latter half of World Tour, and the pineapple scene speaks for itself.

In conclusion; Alejandro is either completely goated and (for the most part) just shrugged off the trauma of being trapped in a tiny box for a year, or he was already so traumatised that the imprisonment was just another needle in his haystack of turmoil.

[puppppppppy]

(Shouting from a megaphone) please take whatever I say in good faith and imagine an “as far as I know” cited for everything I talk about

[yi3248]

reflection

[iliterallydecepticanteven]

so guess who finally played blind betrayal

[has-bad-ideas-constantly]

[hinamie]

every so often i have to relearn how to draw yuuji or he starts fighting me

[mahikamihan]

oh my god, i thought shadoune crying about going against sapnap in sc3 was just that part on the clip going around on tumblr/twitter/tiktok, but yall, the full cry was gut-wrenching, like it was VISCERAL

[sirmanmister]

Frostbite

A little gory/exaggerated but I actually like this a lot :D

I like the idea of the freeze being REALLY rough on the sole survivor, and there’s physical trauma involved that they have to deal with past the mental trauma of waking up 200 years in the future.

Damien gets pretty bad barotrauma from being frozen for 150 years, wakes up to see Shaun get taken, then freezes again pretty much immediately afterwards. It’s not like he could fully thaw in those 2 minutes it took Kellogg to open Nora’s door. So now Damien is deaf in his left ear, and he has trouble keeping his hands warm :)

Closeup under the cut

[wildstar25]

I was thinking about WOL outfits and what not, so here's a question:

And to elaborate on the difference between option 1 and option 2, a brief explanation of my interpretations under the cut:

Illusion magic only masks the true appearance of an item, bending the light aether around the item to make it look different to the naked eye. No physical properties of the armour changes. It maintains its original dimensions and weight. If your WOL was wearing full plate armour then glamoured it to something more revealing, if someone tried to stab an exposed area, their knife would stop on impact of the concealed armour.

Transformation magic will fully alter the physical appearance of the armour into the applied glamour. It will take on the shape and structure of the WOL's desired form, but the properties of the materials used will be maintained. The high grade metal of the armour will be altered to a state where it was like a woven thread. The item would provide the same degree of protection as the original where it physically exists in its glamoured state. If your WOL glamoured their plate armour into a the street wear top, their actual abdomen could be pierced by weapon. Because this is magic you could fudge the physics if you so choose or say there's a secondary spell involved; but I'd imagine that if the transformation was completely lossless, your glamoured item will weight the same amount as the un-glamoured version. (Otherwise it would be more like a transmutation which is a lossy conversion and not reversible. The WOL turned their new savage tier BIS armour into a hempen camise and lost 95% of the material in the process. When they dispel the glamour they have that hempen camise's amount of the original armour piece.)

That's my take on the two options! I don't know if either of them really contradict any canon in-game explanations to the glamour system tbh. It's been so long since I picked up the intro quest and the only time I remember glamours being used as a plot device it was in the ARR Hildebrand quest line (I think the very end or within the coliseum arc, either way I'm not doing all that just to check and see that it says nothing of note)

[letters-to-rosie]

chapter 41: 24 hours wandering

“Remember when I first came to your apartment?”

Powder tries to laugh, but it sounds more like a hiccup. “You made it very memorable.”

“We did.” He sounds warm. She wants to hold him so bad. “I’d been thinking about you all the time. I still do. But I thought I was too dangerous. That if we got together, I’d be putting you in harm’s way.

“And then last night happened. Gianna told me that she’d seen Sevika and that Marnie was in the hospital. I tried figuring out where Sevika was, but she wasn’t answering her phone. And you weren’t, either.

“I felt like I failed. I had so many reasons to keep my distance, but I wanted to be around you. I could have helped it, but I didn’t. And you were so inviting. You made it so easy to be your friend. And I kept telling myself that I’d only wind up hurting you.

“You know what you told me? That it was too late. That you wanted it, too. That you wanted to be happy and didn’t want the world to keep you from being happy anymore.”

Powder shakes with a sob, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Can I make that choice, too? Are you the only one who gets to decide if the danger is worth it?”

-

Powder and Ekko have to learn how to live in their new reality, together.