#get over to discord right now
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nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am
#my want to draw traditionally literally split me open for the past week and leaves me literally depressed i'm so serious i can't even look -#- @ my art programs without wanting to throw up omfg should;ve never picked up those pencils#but it's ok i just needed a nap#something so relatable about them i think nelvas has something in it for everyone meanwhile eltl is secluded art museum.#it's very possible to walk around in neloth's and talvas' brains but eltl is off limits. they will NOT! get no drawings like this outta me#wtf r they thinking ........#< eltl not nelvas#something nobody on dis earth can understand ..........#talvas wants to live he likes living but neloth's presence is so strong that it overrides and deletes his will to live.#bruuuuuuuuh#i bet the feeling of neloff is in everything he does if they ever part ways he won't be able to fold clothes or anythign without wanting -#- 2 cry . for what reason . idk bc neloth once yelled at him for folding clothes like shit .what am i on rn#(talvas thoughts mode) I want this old man to hug meeee😢😢😢#NELOFF DO IT and smash him too before i do it first .#me and neloth are the same person tho so it doesn;t matter but w/e#i'm getting emotional over them right now this cannot be real#i love her .... (Skyr1m)#i opened the game for .5 minutes today to take pics of a character uight what a beautiful game.#Te/s having such extensive lore ruins the whole entire game and the franchise but whatever . skyr1m is an art piece that's just how i feel#also this might be a very hard pill to swallow for some people but t*lvas is literally a kin Vessel for young women that keep getting -#- hit on by men twice or thrice their age when they're just trying to live their life .#this feels so profound to me i need dis shit inmy discord bio right NOEW.#Talvas................................#(eyes watering) (holding palm out)#suicide //#just in case but this tag would've gone crazy with my drawings of ulfr*c from late 2022 where i drew him with slit wrists. very artsay#is it not. i didn't like neither of those drawings tho i need to revisit cus i can feel ulfr*c on a diffaraaant level#when will i run out of tags. the way you can tell i just LUH talvas look at me drawing his hair in that second pic 😑BRU#look at me also trying to replicate pencils digitally in the first.. hmmm i don't hate it#at least it soothes me and i don't have pencil withdrawal
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can the mtt commit more crimes that just murder please i know theyre the MURDER time trio but ppppleasse,,,, please,,,,,,
they'd be terrible to be next to on the highway. horror's going 160 mph amd has long past gone over the speed limit. dust's out for BLOOD and by blood i mean your tires. he's somehow sniping those round rubber wheels from the high moving vehicle with the precision of a master fruit ninja player. if your car explodes or flips over in the process that's not his fault. and then to make matters worse for everyone on the highway killer's in the backseat scratching up the doors and windows of your car with a knife everytime horror gets close to another car and oops he accidentally just disfigured your face also did i mention theyre all drunk during this
ok so theyve all got the classic face WHY DONT THEY ABUSE IT!!!! horror gets to do a little paper mache to cover up his head hole and then wearing glasses. killer i dont know what the FUCK he can do to get rid of his perpetual tears but let's just pretend that theyre conveniently gone for now. and then all dust has to do is put down his hood! anyways identity theft is cool. imagine how much they could totally fuck up classic's reputation with this. set up fake tinder profiles and then scam people for their credit card info/free dates (while ordering every expensive thing) and stealing wallets. walking into various grillby's's around the multiverse and telling terrible jokes. like ACTUALLY bad jokes. and then of course just being a huge piece of shit at the bar. god theres so many things they could do pretending to be classic. which one of us is hikaru looking ahh except the only difference between the three is the color of the stains on their clothes (either gray (dust) black (killer) or red. well faded red (horror))
ROBBERY!!!! ROBBERIES PLURAL!!!??? train robbery gas station robbery bank robbery GOVERNMENT robbery (what would you rob the government for?? documents??? idk) anyways. mtt robbing a train except its just a really shitty plan and they dont know jackshit about what theyre doing. killer's taken over the conductor's cabin and now he is booking it. how fast are trains allowed to go idk but the maximum. anyways meanwhile horror's on the tracks fucking up the rails with his strength or whatever (listen i know he's weak but picking and choosing what hcs i believe in is my art) and dust is there to teleport him away before the train crashes into him and turns him into a trolley problem victim. and then of course that shit doesnt fucking work and the train just ends up flipping over and catching on fire or something (killer survives because of course he does he's killer). and then in the end dust just has to flip the entire train over and they just stroll into the part that actually HAS the money
and then they go out and get ice cream. sometimes the murderers need to take a break from murdering and just do NORMAL crime yk???
#dragging this absolutely ancient draft out of the trenches because i've been having a scene in my head that fits this#i mean not REALLY related to this since its not a crime. more like him reckless abandon of life! their own lives! yeah they die#imagining.... trio driving around in the mountains. dust's driving ans horror's in the passenger and killer's in the back seat because he i#and dust just starts speeding up like...... much more than he really should be in the fucking mountains#and killer points it out and now all of a sudden horror is absolutely terrified LMAOOOO trying to get dust to slow down#and then they crash. but if there's no one more determined in the world killer can always load a save and theyre alive again#and dust is STILL speeding when they come back even with the knowledge that they die and horror's still terrified#but dust just tells him to calm down and loosen up a little bit!!! theyll come back afterwards anyways and they dont even die in pain#and after a few more deaths horrors just like. ugh. fine. you know what FINE ILL GO ALONG WITH IT#he says as he starts laughing along with dust because man!! the feeling of looking out at nature right before they die in a blaze of glory#is GREAT!!!! and then you know something something horrordust have trust in killer to bring them back after they all die#something something horror is willing to give up his usual reservations to have fun with the other two#and its so fun afterwards.... because nobody but them gets hurt!!! dust and horror wouldnt wanna hurt anyone after their au lore#and killer has no reason to in this scenario. so it all works out for them!! the only people getting hurt are them and lowkey they deservei#the sans in the au is probably sooo confused as to why the world is reloading even though theres no human doing so 💀 killer you GOOF#theyve probably all died so many times but only they remember it. soooo cute.... only they get to see each other at their weakest 💔💔💔#killer absolutely abuses the save point when theyre all together i just knowww ittttt sooooo well#he wants everything to continue not restart or go back??? ok but everything IS continuous with these two#not like they stay doing one thing over and over anyways so its not really perpetual. anyways dust and horror would get bored along with hi#if they just kept doing the exact same thing over and over trying to find every possible ending. nahhhh#triglycercule this is sooo unhealthy none of them would do this!! ok well they make each other worse who said it was ever gonna be healthy#screw EVERYONE in the violet banquet discord server who indulged me in my trio waltz dancing in a field of flowers at 3 am. brainrot now...#this scene i described in tags totally happened in my trio meet each other fic btw. just that it hasn't gotten to this point at ALL yet 💀💀#tricule rant#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#sans au#utmv
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why do i love the conflict more than anything else . the misery . the incompatibility that spreads like oil slick . wanting so desperately for resolution that never comes . hmmm
#its the allure of like . mismatch btwn right person / wrong time . maybe in personal development and such#or wrong person / right time and trying 2 make it work but the circumstances are set 2 separate you#i think the guilt ford harbors over his relationship w fidds is good and i think hes had a lot of reflection . 30 yrs at least#but i dont rly care for like a . HELPP SRY IM LIKE talking to myself#i dont rly care ‘if’ they got back tgether in the end#fanon wise or whagever obviouslyy . no avrually emma-may kicking fidds out over the xmas thing its over HELPPPP#i feel like i always hve to clarify bc then theres that one guy whos like ‘smth smth you cant read . ooc loser .’idgaf . not gaffing today#i think mcguckets decision to forgive him is rly sweet And i do like the recognition of .. the whole incident being a misstep on both their#parts ykwim ? like ford was an ass for sureee but also mcgucket + memory gun was his own autonomous detriment#but#no i cant read the other tags i was writing i forgot where i was at#anyways im so obsessed w like . this being such an imperfect event with imperfect equals#ford theory and fidds the mechanics . which brw im also obsessed w how That is revered in canon .#but yeah like imperfect event imperfect people who shared an incredible connecfion in my freaking mind#that was ultimately squandered to fords pride and fidds reticence#ugh like i love the rise and fall i love the strenght of their connection generally corroding over time#its just such a cool motivator for both themselves and like its a history they share together and post weirdmageddon get to finally think a#knowing now what they didnt have the tools to recognize then#idk.^__^ they r so crazy to me . playing w them like dolls in my head#fiddleford mcgucket#stanford pines#gravity falls#every time i think ab this wrt every challeneged dynamic i think ab mars in the discord#talking ab x and y charas epic divorce arc#and im not even saying this to discredit Good relationships in media#bc those have a wealth of fun and interesting concepts or dynamics to dive into#its just something ab like . poetry of anger bro . and how love and hate can feel so similar and be borne from the same place#how one can transform into the other and back again due to . idk whatevee the hell theyve got going on^#prev post got me wishing we had more meat to the fallout#or that it was extended in content or scope . i want 2 see how they dealt with losing the other and then
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Sad hopster rambles. Putting a cut here so you don’t have to scroll through it if you don’t want to.
Saw a Reddit post today talking about how being a second rate friend can really fuck a person up.
Honestly, can confirm. It’s a pretty lonely route one takes, and more often than not, it’s not by choice.
But seriously- in my highschool Spanish class a few years ago, I was the only one in a class of twenty who wasn’t invited to the class group chat until the last two weeks of school. Even then I declined. I mean- Nobody bothered to check if I was in it, and by the time anyone realized, it just wasn’t worth sending it. I wasn’t surprised, as I was always pushed out from the group, but It still hurts remembering how none of them showed any guilt for it, not even an apology. I still haven’t figured out what I did wrong to warrant such a reaction from them.
…
It just hit a bit too close to home seeing that post. I was always the second rate friend back in the states, but at least I had people around me. now that I’m in a country where I have no friends my age and where it’s famously hard to make friends… it’s not a good situation. These dark and cold Danish nights don’t help either. And what’s scary is that I’m currently being pushed out of multiple friend groups online. If I fully give in and just leave the group, then I’ll have two, maybe three close friends to chat with.. and just over text.
At least I have my books. Books are good for me because everything around me feels as if it’s falling apart and It’s one of a few good constants in my life right now. Something I can bring to the figurative table around here too. But honestly, with other conflicts and such popping up, I’m not even sure I’ll have those soon either. These conflicts have already made me stop calling my last remaining friend in the states and elsewhere, so it’s entirely possible. I haven’t verbally conversed with anyone outside my family since mid November.
#don’t mind me#I’m just rambling#I’ve been so paranoid that I’m annoying people on servers I vent on#maybe it’s why I’m getting ignored on them?#at least I get a reaction when I give something useful.#but yeah- books and the Vienna Congress thing is the only thing that is keeping me from bed rotting right now#or disappearing from the internets fully.#well#it’s also the#two friends who are forcibly getting me to talk over DMs on discord.#I know folks are busy during this time of year#but it’s still isolating
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idk guys i'm feeling pretty discouraged about writing fic lately :/
#maybe it's my fault for only getting into unpopular ships or fandom lately after having enjoyed really active fandoms for a couple of years#and i know i know i know that it's not all about kudos and comments and whatever i know. i dont write it for that#but i do share it expecting some interaction#and the way my fics have been just aggressively skydiving in that sense this whole year is just kinda sad to me#it gets me thinking is it my fault? did i get into too many fandoms? am i just annoying? are the fics bad?#should i have gotten different accounts or pseuds for different fandoms? do i need to join discords servers? be more active in some way?#write more? write less?#is it just me? is anyone else experiencing less interaction on fics this past year?#like i know i've been into unpopular ships lately but i just posted an arcane story and isn't that fandom thriving right now??#did i have to get into m*rvel? 😭#not really begging for comments i'm just venting#maybe over 100 fics in 6 years was enough and i should give it a break give up at least for a while#like i'm going to miss that much needed validation on my writing but if i'm not even getting it with fic then
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Popular opinion:
I think short replies are underrated. There should be no need to say 'sorry its so short' when you've written exactly the right amount of words to get the point across.
#|| behind the curtain ||#im writing some of my best stuff ever#on discord right now#im really proud of these 1-2 paragraph posts haha#i get that some people feel pressure to pad their posts#to match other people...#theres a bit of a competition vibe about it sadly#i wish it wasnt that way#also i just wanted to express my excitement over my dumb posts
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omg you’re learning Italian? I’m Italian! Ciao!! Sono sicura che sei bravissimə! (ə is like the gender neutral suffix lmao even if it’s not universally recognised)
Ciao! Sì, parlo italiano, ma solo un po'. Imparando italiano per tre mesi ora! Anche xlx mix migliore amicx è italianx. Lxi usa -x invece -ə. Grazie mille per usi -ə per me! Anche -o è va bene per me. Mi dispiace se non dico questo molto bene ancora.
#answers#anon#also to the other anon ask in the inbox: i'm planning to write a drabble for you#it's just taking me some time :( sorry! still getting back into writing#also again yeah i'm terribly sorry if my grammar or general speech sucks in italian right now#it's literally only been three months since i started lol#and i've been monolingual my whole life sadly </3#i hope this is at least kinda-sorta understandable#feel free to reach out over DMs or in my discord server or whatever if you want to talk more! i only know a couple italian speakers rn
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Taking an indefinite break from trying out voice acting because something quite upsetting happened 🙃
#keeping this in the tags because i dont want it to be a callout in any way and it IS partially my fault for not checking the discord#but am I wrong for feeling a bit frustrated with them abruptly deciding to close auditions over on discord#it was like idfk a day ago or so#but SOLELY on discord#and they decided to close them on Friday#mind you#it is currently 9pm Thursday and the CCC deadline is still stated as end of October 😀#like idfk it feels like it ought to be your duty as a project manager to update both pages#anyway#it has been feeling a little overwhelming to go from not doing much of anything at all right into recording auditions and trying to edit#the audio all the while still trying to recover motivation and has been stressing me a fair amount#but I feel I COULD’VE persisted if they didn’t do this :(#and now i just fee like going right back to where i started#ie no hobbies or ambitions at all#im reinstating that I dont blame them for my decline in mental health ofc not#i just needed to vent bc this doesnt help my delusions that#“fate” is out to ruin any semblance of hope I manage to get#like there’s some higher power that wants to give me false hope only to make me suffer#yes i am this easy to discourage#then again im mentally ill so#asher's ramblings
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i know it's not good for me to think about this but sometimes i remember how i had very close mutuals borderline friends who ended up soft-blocking me and becoming hard core zionists and i feel like i should be allowed to claw off my wallpaper and scream
#delete later#the bitter fucking feeling of betrayal when you realize that someone you were Close To doesn't even see arabs as people lol#the weird 'i could have fixed you' feeling about someone who would not survive leftist theory for five minutes#i know this is objectively stupid to say on my part but as someone who Is Pretty Involved With Leftism Irl to say the least-#-seeing how people talk about leftism online sometimes is fucking crazy#you can't be a leftist and support Israel because LITERALLY what do you think being a leftist is#i can forgive leftists who back Harris publicly. like I don't understand why on earth you'd be that fucking excited about it but like.#WHATEVER. whatever. grits my teeth I'll get over it#but like............. I don't know I think people who are Zionists who call themselves leftists are just like. people who think that like..#being Pro Abortion and Pro Human Rights and being the white neurodivergent flavor of 'oppressed' makes them a leftist#because you really have to be out of your goddamn mind to not see how these struggles are like. interconnected.#sorry to vague or whatever but this has been on my mind for what a fucking year at this point#and it genuinely makes me nauseous. you were in my discord DMs and now you talk about how this past year was sooo hard for you.#i know it's bitter and not good praxis of me but i hope when the revolution comes you are left behind.
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The other day I had someone say they thought it sounded like I would be happier focusing on writing instead of coding (they're not really wrong but we're not getting into that)
I mentioned the comment to my dad yesterday and he responded with something that really pissed me off: "Well writing is going to become pretty obsolete soon thanks to AI like Chat GPT"
First of all, GPT is a stupid idiot. It can't even write a poem that doesn't rhyme when specifically directed to do so, or when it's told to remove the rhyme after failing to write a free verse poem in the first place.
It's never going to top human creativity. It won't make a rant about romantic attraction wrapped in a prayer to frozen yogurt. It won't pull off Amphibia's Rube Goldberg machine of Chekov's guns. It won't do a good job telling the story of a Latina, neurodivergent, bisexual girl. These are all human things that humans will do better than the stupid AI. I'm tired of people having more faith in Chat GPT than other people
#That frozen yogurt example is a real thing I wrote#I don't think I'm gonna share it though#at least not right now#Also Dad is next on the list of family members I'm gonna bitch about in a poem#I already have ones where I get angry with my mom or sisters or one particular cousin#dumb stupid ai#Chat GPT#AI#writing#rant#amphibia#the owl house#It sometimes feels like my parents don't have much interest in me the human#One thing that I saw quite a bit over the last few months was people on CS discords saying they didn't understand a certain problem#someone else would then respond suggesting Chat GPT but warn them that it WILL be wrong but it's a 'good place to start'#I personally believe if it's wrong then that's actually a very very bad place to start and you should stop suggesting it#If I'm desperate enough to be asking idiot-incapable-of-freeverse AI for help I'm doing something very wrong#That's all just my two cents though idk#I'm just frustrated
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me when running away from everyone makes me end up all alone:
#i dont have any irl friends anymore theyre all gone with my old discord and its been too long to go back#i lost myself over the summer in ways i can never explain.. i dont know where i am if im being honest#drinking is worsening it all#i feel so insane.. genuinely.. i cant stop getting into my own head and letting it all happen#its just me and teddy#im too scared to leave the house for longer than a few hours anymore#i cant handle people looking at .e#me. i cant handle talking. i cant handle daily tasks of anything. even these days moving feels too hard#i keep finding myself face down floating in the river#and when i turn my body over#my face isnt rotten#it isnt bloated at all.#... its just me and i look young and like i died two minutes ago#then i snap out and im making dinner#and im someone else. somewhere else forever#im so alone but id rather it right now. no one knows how bad it is. intentionally. i never tell anyone#because what would they do?#the only thing i ever learned was to run away and hide. i cant stop thinking i need to keep doing it#i just want everyone to be rid of me so i keep running and running and running
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well it seems youtube on firefox is no longer letting me play videos in anything higher than 720p, and some its only allowing me to view in 360p. and while duckduckgo's duck player works fine, if i stream it over discord, no audio can be heard on the stream (╬▔皿▔)╯
guess im stuck having other people be forced to stream the videos for me i guess until some tech genius starts having this problem as well and creates a workaround.
fuck youtube, fuck google, fuck every big tech company (and every non-tech company while we're at it), fuck every greedy capitalistic pig who is purposefully making my life more irritating and inconvenient for me just because they can. now where's that damn guillotine
#the nugget speaks#its annoying cause my phone is ALSO having issues it wasnt having before#due to a samsung update#so now i have a constant notification telling me that my data is turned off (i know it is)#and that i have to turn it back on (i dont want to)#and i cant get rid of it#and i spent over an hour with consumer cellular's support#just for them to eventually come to the conclusion there's nothing they can do about it either#im so sick and tired of this life#my bf and i live really far apart (like 15 hours)#so a huge part of our relationship relies on being able to stream videos and stuff online#and im SO irritated that i just cant do this anymore#and every big company out there#is making it harder and harder for us#whats next? is discord going to start charging me for every minute i spend in a voice call?#im fucking LOSING it#firefox is dying on me#duck duck go doesnt have all the features i need#chrome is right out (fuck google‚ have i mentioned i hate google?)
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I love your Rejuv blogging!!! I'm always reading it and what you think of it and ouh, sometimes I'm all giddy bc stuff you are musing about WILL be answered later and I cannot wait for you to get to that point. Example: truth about Aelita. So yeah. Love it!!!
aww thank u qwq!!! i get worried sometimes that im getting annoying for whoevers in the realm of "doesnt gaf but doesnt care to block the tag either" and has to deal with 30 posts in a row about flora or keta whenever theyre on screen haha
#jazzask#rejuvs been a lot of fun partially ebcause every once in a while ill tab into discord and one of my friends'll just be going#“Having fun Jazz?”#NO!!!!#my favoritest little guys are experiencing conflict.#regardless#enjoying myself over here. even if i play the game at a snails pace#OH ALSO taking the opportunity while ive got the chance to talk & not just post art#if you sent a request: i still probably have it!!!#i have 15 right now hwich i dont mind at all & i dont mind the number getting larger either#but just like. a heads up. i will be taking a while!!
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had an enlightening conversation with my cousin about my goals and ideology in life. what did this lead to? inner cowboy and inner sailor fighting each other for my future geographical home area (sea vs land) and then making out sloppy style as they both realise they share the desire to explore and live simply and go with the flow and love the world and seek out their desires and
#being more serious the character of “the cowboy” has always stuck with me even as a child#my whole discord was cowboy themed at one point years ago#not saying that im ready to go and live my life out as a cowboy#but that there is a lot about that “character” of living on the land#exploring the world on horseback#fishing and hunting and gathering your own resources#maybe owning a homestead that provides for you as long as you provide for it#joining up with friends and just having a grand time watching the sun set over the valley#playing the harmonica and guitar and banjo and spoons and whistling along#having clothes that arent necessarily the most fashionable but they work and can be repaired and are strong#with fashion still being a part of the outfit#neutral and earthy tones#rugged. useful. handmade#same goes for “the sailor”#working together as a team to get forward in life#(ive always preferred teamwork over individual competition)#music being a core part of that work in shanties (UGH SHANTIES. love me a good call and response)#but these thoughts are more “ideals” than “i literally want to be one right now down to everything they do” obv#all this yammering to say that i hold the Cowboy and Sailor very close to my heart.#(despite this blog being called parchmentknight ummmmmm dont mind that. it just sounded cool ok)#cowboysona and sailorsona when#rivera writes#rivera lore
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#interacting with the atla fandom literally turned me into an anti#like i used to like azula's character and how she fit with the rest of the story#but then you get freaks like azula stans#i've straight up deleted my atla blog bc i was getting death threats like???#i had to leave the discord community for atla writers i was part of because of azula stans#and even now every once in a while i'll get someone from that server in my dms harassing me#and the moment you call them out they turn to either the most insane tirade you've ever heard or go lmao get over it its a kids show#azula stans are actually the worst#and i am now so staunchly anti azula#like man fuck that chick since yall are clearly incapable of seeing whats right in front of you#telling me 'zuko abused azula' and someone points out you're delusional and y'all start acting like psychopaths
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#me torturing Ro in discord#I just get this hilarious hot (or hot mess) dichotomy from that character#god the bounty hunter#ghosted#ghosted spoilers#note: no disrespect to kitchens that are different for religious/cross-contamination reasons just in case#but picturing GtBH doing research on a target and then standing up#stretching#and saying 'ok it's lunchtime so i'mma head over to the lunch kitchen' is killing me dead right now#the fourth one is midnight snacks and that's the one he sleeps in if he doesn't have a guest over
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