#get it blue!!!! 💪💯

[parcai]

trc is a comedy.

[artist-rat]

some epilogue vibes (an excuse to draw some hugs. and my durge so many times)

[daytonasand]

my dad is looking to buy a house and we went and looked at one today that he really likes and put an offer in on and this dude is getting so excited about it. he was already asking me about repainting the bathroom walls.

[godfuckingnamehelp]

And of course the green baby my sweet sweet precious Sonia is the cutest and the most miraculous!!! 🥺🥺✨

HER DESIGN A WICKING LOOK AND THE AMAZING ENERGY COMING FROM HER 🔥🔥 >>>

THANK YOU!! THANKS TO YOUR THE MOST AWESOME POST MY DAY HAS BEEN A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER 🙏🙏🙏

drag queen Sean collection (11)

these are old designs that I've either finished or modified

not very original but I had to put them somewhere

[driftwooddestiel]

get to know me ‼️

thanks to @dear-space-cadet for the tag :-)

1. Do you make your bed? not really, but i do tidy up my bed a little

2. Favorite number? probably 7, i know its a popular favourite number but thog dont c aare its a good number

3. What's your job? don’t have one 💪 🔥 💯 i plan to apply to some like. shelf-stocking and similar type jobs soon when i get round to it

4. If you could back to school, would you? haven’t left it yet so i dont have much choice in the matter here lol

5. Can you parallel park? never tried but i doubt it considering i cant drive lmao

6. Do you think aliens are real? i believe theres bound to be other forms of life somewhere out there but idk if i believe in aliens in the traditional sense

7. Can you drive a manual car? once more i cannot drive any car

8. Guilty pleasure? watching true crime videos and then getting paranoid, getting into stupid arguments in youtube comment sections & getting way too invested in niche internet discourse

9. Tattoos? none atm and i dont think i plan to get any . but that could change

10. Favorite color? dull-ish blue (similar to the colour of my blog)

11. Favorite type of music? truly i cannot pick one

12. Do you like puzzles? jigsaw puzzles im ambivalent towards, logic puzzles i usually enjoy

13. Any phobias? no full-on phobias but i do kinda freak out at the idea of swimming with jellyfish

14. Favorite childhood sport? climbing!

15. Do you talk to yourself? all the time 👍

16. Tea or coffee? to be fully honest i drink neither but i’d have to say tea . ive had more tea than coffee in my life and i enjoy tea more generally

17. First thing you wanted to be growing up? when i was like 3-6 i would always say i wanted to be a dog (bc i did) and when i eventually came to terms with that not being a career option, i would usually say artist (but i also somewhat wanted to be a comedian from like ages 7 or 8 to age 10)

18. What movies do you adore? saw (2004) is my absolute fav, i also love donnie darko, american psycho, zoolander, ten inch hero & anything directed by jordan peele. + horror movies in general are my favs

im gonna actually continue a tag game for once SOOO. tags (no pressure ofc 👍): @nintendont2502 @gorillaxyz @s-ccaam-era-crepe @paranormalglass @dykesism

[decladams]

because im a freak about swimming let’s talk about the gangsey swimming 💪💯🔥

adam is a distance swimmer. look at him and tell me he wouldn’t kill the 500 or 1000 or 1650. he’s got that sadness you only see in distance swimmers or whatever

ronan wants to be a sprinter and pretends he is but actually he’s a breaststroker (🤢🤢🤢) this means his knees are pure shit. also if he swims anything over a 100 he will literally get out of the water and refuse to swim he is simply not built for distance

blue hates it but she’s a flyer. and she’s got wild fucking shoulders. she is always complaining about it. the first time she gets put in the 200 fly she almost kills the coach. am i projecting? maybe a little

gansey is a backstroker. don’t ask me why i think this i just do. backstroke and 200 free but if he does anything over a 200 he dies.

noah…get my guy in the im. look nobody likes the im but if someone was gonna like it it’s probably noah.

declan would not be swimming he would be standing on the side doing splits or timing behind the block and he would make a mildly disgusted face every time he got splashed.

henry my silly little guy is a diver. divers are insane freaks to me. i don’t know a lot about diving but i do know henry would be a diver.

ronan would wear a cap for some reason and adam never tucks the back of his hair into his cap (major ick for me)

hennessy would hate relays. she never practices her relay starts and always gets her relay team disqualified for leaving early

gansey counts for adam and is always like “yay adam 😍😍” after every. single. 50. ronan hates this.

[enemyoflactose]

I Finished the Rest of Battle City

@lostsomewhereinthegarden wanted to be tagged

I was honestly getting a little tired of Marik and his problems by this point in the series which is why this took so long.

Voice acting:

Marik: THEY TOOK AWAY HIS SKELETOR VOICE

Characters:

Yami: He's pretty much the same, only he completely forgives normal Marik.

Yugi: pretty much the same only he forgives normal Marik.

Joey: he died and I started crying. He's pretty good as always and was absolutely robbed of that victory.

Téa: she kept getting possessed.

Tristan: nothing new

Duke: nothing new

Ryou: ate all the donuts

Yami Bakura: he giggled and did nothing.

Ishizu: she yells in lowercase and I think that's funny

Odion: Maybe it's just the dub, but he never says he wants Marik to be safe because he loves him. He just says it's his duty and it's how he'll be accepted into his family. Idk. It's a little weird that this may be his and Marik's final moments and he doesn't once say that he loves him.

Marik: I hate you. I hate you so much.

Yami Marik: hype wore off this guy sucks and can't duel without plot armor. He also talks way too much and it gets on my nerves.

Seto Kaiba: he's so angry that Yugi beat him in his own tournament it's kinda funny. He is my savior in these last episodes.

Mokuba: he's here

Serenity: she's also here

Mai: ded

Roland: the MVP

Duels:

Duel 1: Four Way Duel

In this duel Joey, Kaiba, Yami, and Yami Marik are all dueling each other at the same time. For a little bit, everyone is targeting Joey, but Yami keeps defending him so they move on to attacking Marik.

Every time Yami defends Joey, Kaiba says something snarky and that makes Joey go "Hey man, let me duel on my own for Mai."

And Yami just begrudgingly does it. Like this man does not want Joey dueling Marik.

Marik is just in his own little corner going "AHAHAHAAA I'm so evil" and everyone ignores him.

Kaiba is trying to knock out someone. I forgot who. He wants to get all three Egyptian God Cards and make his deck even brickier.

Yami Marik loses.

Duel 2: Joey vs Yami Marik

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💪🪓💥PEAK💥🎉💯💯🔥💯💯❤️‍🔥⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡🦅🦅🦅

This duel is Yami Marik's only good duel, and by God is it Joey's second best (I like Joey vs Valon more).

In this duel, Yami Marik makes it a Shadow Game in which your energy gets drained if your monster is destroyed or loses attack points. Because Joey is a normal guy, he is weaker to this and therefore loses faster.

Some stuff happens and Joey was given Lava Golem. This makes him lose life points faster. Yami Marik is slowly burning him with other cards like nightmare wheel, but lava golem is cooler.

Yami Marik uses some worm things to make Joey lose more energy. Joey sacrifices them so he can summon Geilfried (idk how to spell it).

Yami Marik summons Ra Phoenix mode and destroys all of Joey's monsters. But my boy still stands.

Joey summons Gearfried and almost attacks, but then he dies.

Duel 3: Kaiba vs Yami

I kept dozing off during this duel because I was worried about Joey, soooooo I kinda have no clue what happened other than like a few things.

Kaiba and Yami are dueling in a coliseum because Kaiba is crazy.

Kaiba gives Yami Change of Heart sometime during this duel. Which makes me wonder if he always had that on hand, or if he yoinked it from Bakura. Did Bakura ever get it back?

Kaiba so summons his blue eyes at some point in this duel. And Yami summons red eyes. And that Dark Magician Paladin thing.

During this duel Kaiba and Yami attack each other with their god cards and it takes them to a vision of the past in which the gods are turned to stone and the two of them are fighting.

Yami Marik is stuck in a wall. One time I read a fic where Yami Bakura stopped time and butt fucked him there. Wild.

Yami wins by means I don't remember and Mokuba and Kaiba fight about something.

INTERMISSION

Téa gets possessed again and goes to fight Yami Marik.

Kaiba gets annoyed at Ishizu and then Joey.

Mokuba is annoyed at Kaiba.

Yami Marik and Marik are fighting during Kaiba and Joey's duel.

TéaMarik does some sick flips and then Ishizu and Yami intervene and make Yami Marik go away.

Turns out Marik is a little regretful about being the absolute worst and wants to make things right by doing not much at all because he sucks and can't do shit without help.

Téa is back.

Duel 4: Kaiba vs Joey

Joey was pissing off Kaiba and that convinced a duel for third place.

Kaiba is winning.

Joey summons Blue Eyes White Dragon from Kaiba's graveyard and this makes Kaiba so angry.

Uuuuhhhh.... Joey told Mokuba that Kaiba doesn't care about him and that made me really upset.

Some stuff happens idk I wasn't paying attention I don't really care about this rivalry.

Kaiba won and Joey got made fun of.

Final duel: Yami Marik vs Yami Yugi

Shadow game

I don't remember the first part of this duel other than Marik and Yugi are at risk of death and like I get caring about Yugi dying, but Marik kinda deserves it.

So um... Every time Yami loses life points Yugi's body starts to disappear. Same thing with Marik.

Yami summons his poker knights and then summons Slifer.

Marik Summons Ra.

Yami destroys Ra and then Summons Obelisk with A card Kaiba gave him.

Marik summons Egyptian God slime and Yami never asks what it does despite the fact that he can.

Some stuff happens and Yami uses Ragnarok and destroys everything and Marik surrenders.

HOW AND WHY MARIK SURRENDERED

While this duel is happening, Normal Marik is talking to Odion's dead body and says that everything that happened was his (Marik's) fault, and that he's sorry.

A while later, Odion wakes up and goes to save Marik. And by save I mean give him a pep talk.

He goes on and on about how Marik is good and can beat the darkness inside of him.

Marik is given a new found strength and tells Yami to attack him.

Yami attacks him and Marik has one life point left. Marik surrenders and Yami Marik dies while begging.

Marik is forgiven and I still don't think he did much to deserve it.

Afterwards

After that duel, Marik apologizes again, and then takes his shirt off to show Yami the scriptures on his back.

Yami can't read it tho so it was kinda pointless.

Marik then gives him the millennium rod and ring and Yami Bakura's lame ass who was playing spin the bottle with Dark Magician said "Thank you" because he's polite and we love him.

Kaiba says he's going to blow up the island.

Joey and the gang go check on Mai and Serenity says she ain't wake up yet, but then she wakes up because Joey juST GOT PRANKED LMAO

The Gang then find Bakura eating food because there isn't much to eat in the Shadow Realm. That makes me think that the Shadow Realm is biased towards the Bakurae because they always only get a slap on the wrist for losing.

We don't see Bakura or the Ishtar's for the rest of the episode so I'm choosing to believe they were busy adopting Bakura into their family as Marik's husband.

It takes the gang way too long to realize that they can just take the helicopter and don't have to ride in the broken aircraft.

The island explodes and the Kaibas come out in a Blue Eyes jet (there is a card of it).

This makes Joey upset.

The squad get back to Domino and Marik apologizes again, and his siblings thank Yugi and his friends for helping them.

The End

[pichirobi]

I absolutely adore your art, especially the asheiji painting you did. I am new to painting digitally, so if possible, I would love to learn a bit about your colouring process 🥺

ahhh thank you so much friend!! 😭💗 welcome to the digital art gang! i love getting these kinds of questions, so feel free to send another ask if you want to know anything else in particular ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

here's a speedpaint of that asheiji artwork:

my painting is nothing refined! i get a sketch going on my first layer. the sketch is semi-clean (i erase and clean up guidelines as i go), but i will also write out notes on this layer and more strongly define shapes that i want to emphasize, like those little pouch lines under ash's mouth or the crease on eiji's cheek.

underneath this layer, i lay down my flat colors, and sometimes block in accent coloring (the blue and pink i've shaded with). i eyeball all of my colors from the rgb/cmyk wheel. no hex codes or value sliders, we die like men.

what i'll often do next is something i can only explain with respect to the procreate program: i will duplicate my flats layer > clip it down onto my sketch layer > turn the duplicated flats layer to the "hard light" setting > lower its brightness, increase its saturation, and add gaussian blur > merge it with the sketch. this is just a quick way to color my sketch lines, as one would color line art.

now that i have just one layer, i paint. you can check out how i do this in the timelapse. if you'd like to know what brushes i use, i'm not entirely sure how to upload them here on tumblr, but i'll give it a shot if you'd really like me to (FREE RESOURCES WOO 💪💪🔥💯)! the liquify tool is my best friend for tweaking proportions.

finishing touches are also super important to my painting style. here's where i adjust saturation, hues, contrast, and add details like freckles, eye shine, light source, etc. this process combines a variety of techniques and brushes which i could also break down in a longer, separate post. i definitely think this is what makes or breaks my artwork. (also, never doubt your ipad's gallery effect options!!)

thanks for your time! 🥰

[the-90s-music-colosseum]

We need a sir psycho sexy copypasta

A long, ⌛⌛⌛ long, ➖ long, ➖ long ⌛⌛⌛ time 🤣 ago 😅 Before 🤔 the wind, 🎐 before 😂 the snow 🎿 Lived a man, 👨‍🎤 lived a man 🦸🏾‍♂️ I 😞😍😍🥰😘😍 know 💭 Lived a freak 😂😜😝 of nature 🌈 named 🧨 Sir 👨👨👨 Psycho 🤬 Sir 👨👨👨 Psycho 🤬 Sexy 😇 that 😚💶🚅 is me 👈 Sometimes ✨ I 😀 find 👀 I 🙄 need 😋 to scream 😱 He's 👨 a freak ‼️🤪😳🥴🥰 of nature 🐝 But 😥 we 😬 love 🤣 him 👴 so He's 🚹 a freak 😂😜😝 of nature 🐞 But ✋ we 👩🌊 let 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧🙆💂 him 👴 go 🦟

Deep 😱 inside 💠 the garden 🏡 of Eden 😨🍎🏀 Standing 🚹 there 🦧 with my 🌽🥕 hard 😩 on 🔛 bleedin' There's 👀 a devil 👿 in 🛌 my 👀 dick 🥖🥒 and some 👱🏻‍♀️ demons 👹 in 2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣1️⃣ my 🏿 semen Good 👌 God 🙏 no 😞🌈 that 😐🤔 would 🙏👉 be 👄 treason Believe 🙏 me 👰 Eve 🎉 she 👩 gave 🎁 good 👌 reason 🤔 Booty looking 👀👀🙆👀 too 🤷‍♀️ good 👍 not 🚯 to be 🎮 squeezin' Creamy ☁️ beaver hotter 👏🏼🍨 than 👧 a fever 🤧 I'm 🤣 a givin' 'cause 💋 she's 👩 the receiver 📞 I 😬 won't 😧😏😏 and I 💫 don't ✋ hang 👜 up 🤸‍♀️🔊 until 🍏 I 😳 please 🙏 her 💭🚺🚺 Makin' 😩 her 👩 feel 💋💋 like 🎅 an over 🤬 achiever I 😀😀😀 take 😤 it away 😇 for 6️⃣9️⃣ a minute ⏰ just 😔 to tease 🍾 her 🙄🙄🧐 Then 😮 I 🏿🏼 give 🎁🚨 it back 🤚⬅️ a little 🤔 bit 😁 deeper Sir 👨👨👨 Psycho, 🤬 Sir 🥖👌🏼🏼👍 Psycho, 🤬 yeah 👍 (he's ✅ the man 👨‍👧 that 🚇 I 💰 met 👄 one 👆🤓 time) ⌚ Sir 👨👨👨 Psycho, 🤬 Sir 👨👨👨 Psycho, 🤬 yeah 🌴🎲👗⛔ (he's 😗🅰️ the man 🦂 that 🔀 left ⬅️ me 🤣🤣 blind) Sir 👨👨👨 Psycho, 🤬 Sir 👨👨👨 Psycho, 🤬 yeah 😏 (he's 🚹 the man 👨‍🏭 he's 🚹 the man 🦂 he's 💁‍♂️ the man) 👨‍✈ Sir 👨👨👨 Psycho, 🤬 Sir 👨👨👨 Psycho, 🤬 yeah 🕢👩‍👩‍👧👏🏻👠 (yeah) 💁🤷 He's 👨 a freak ‼️🤪😳🥴🥰 of nature 🐌 But 🤔 we 🌽 love 😍 him 👴👨 so He's 💁‍♂️ a freak ‼️🤪😳🥴🥰 of nature 🌋 But ✋🏽 we 👩‍👩‍👦‍👦👩‍👩‍👦‍👦👩‍👩‍👦‍👦 let 🧑🏻‍🤝‍🧑🏽 him 👨 go 🦗

I 🏼🏼 got 😩 stopped by 😺 a lady 👵👒 cop 👮 In ��🎻🎻 my 👄 automobile 🚗 She 👩‍🔬 said 🗣️ get 🙌🏼 out 😤 and spead your 👈 legs 👐 And then 🙊🐵 she 👱‍♀️ tried 👀 to cop 🚔🚔👨🏽 a feel 💓 That 😐 cop 👮 she 🥰 was all 🤠 dressed 👖 in 👆 blue 👖 Was she 🧏 pretty? 💅💃 Boy 👨‍👧‍👦 I'm 👈 tellin' you ✌️ She 🙇 stuck 🧍💆‍♂️ my 😀 butt with her 👩 big 😏 black ⚫ stick 😶📏 I 👏 said, 🙊 "What's 🤔 up?" 🙅😍 now 📅 suck 🐓 my 👨👨 dick 🔥 Like 👬 a ram 🐐 getting 🉐 ready 😏 to jam the lamb She 👩 whimpered just ❗ a little 💖 when 😂🕕 she 👩🏼 felt ✋🏻 my 🧜🏻‍♀️ hand 👭 On 🏽🏽 her 👩 crotch so very 📈✅ warm 🔅 I 🚫 could 🔮 feel 💓 her 👩 getting 💯 wet 🌊🌊 through 🪀 her 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ uniform 🥋 Proppin' her 👩 up 🤸‍♀️🔊 on 🔛 the black ⬛ and white ◽💮 Unzipped and slipped, 😮 "Ooh, 🦟 that's 👨👉 tight" 😻 I 😊 swatted her 💃 like 🏩 no 😣 swat team 👥 can 🥫 Turned 🔄🔄 a cherry 🌸 pie 🥧 right ☝🏽 into 🚪 jam Sir 👨 Psycho, 🤬 Sir 👨 Psycho, 🤬 yeah 😜 (I'm 🙅‍♂️ the man 👨‍⚕ that 💪 you 👈 met 👄 one 🔂 time) 🥰 Sir 👨👨👨 Psycho, 🤬 Sir 🎖️😔 Psycho, 🤬 yeah ✨ (I'm 💂🏿 the man 👨‍💼 that 🤩 will 🤔 leave 🍃🍀 you 🦎 blind) Sir 🎖️😔 Psycho, 🤬 Sir 👨 Psycho, 🤬 yeah ✅😜 (I'm 👱👏 the man, 👱 I'm 😂😂 the man, 🤦‍♂ I'm 😂😂 the man) 🌊😗 Sir 👨 Psycho, 🤬 Sir 🎖️😔 Psycho, 🤬 yeah 😎

Hello 👋 young 👶🏿 woman 👧 that 😻 I 🙍🚫 love 💞 Pretty 💅 punk rock 🥌 mama 🧍‍♀️ that 😔😐 I'm 💘 thinking 🤔 of Hold 👬👬 me 🏿 naked if you 🧘🏾 will 🎀 In 😳 your 😈 arms 💪 in 👉 your 👇 legs 🏊🕺 in 🧚🏻 your 👣 pussy 🍂🐱 I'd 🙏 kill 🚿 To be 👎😨 with you, 😳 to kiss 😗 with you, 👨🏻👈 I 👀 do 👀 miss 🧍‍♀️ you 💃🕺 I 👀 love 😍 you 😕🏿 Lay me 🧘‍♂️🧘‍♀️ down, 👇🔽 lay me 😳😟 down, ⬇️ lay me 🚩 down, 🔻 lay me 😩 down 🔻 Lay me 🙋🏽 down, 👇 lay me 💻 down, 📉 lay me 🧼 down, 📩 lay me 🤲 down 👎 Descending waves 🏄 of graceful pleasure 🙏 For 💯 your 👉✋ love 💖 there 👉 is no ✨ measure 💅 Her 👩 curves they 💁 bend with subtle 🤔👌👌 splendor Now 🕥 I 😀 lay me 🚏 down 📷 to sleep 😴 I 🎧 pray 🏃 the funk will 💫🌸🧚🏻 make 💃 me 💁😙 freak 😂😜😝 If I 🧍 should 👫 die 💀 before 😺 I 😊 waked Allow 👨‍👨‍👦‍👦🎫🎫 me 👊🤰👏 Lord 👑 to rock 👩‍🎤 out 🤬🤬 naked Bored 😒 by 😡 the ordinary 🔬🧫🔭🧠 time 🕓 to take 💅 a trip 🚞 Calling 📞 up ⏫ a little 🐭 girl 🚶🏼 with a bull ♉ whip ✋👊🏄‍♂️ Lickety split 🕺🏻 go 👩‍🦲 snap, 📷 snap 📷 Girl ♀️ gettin' 💯 off 🥵 all 😩 in 🤖 my 💁🏽 lap The tallest tree 🌲 the sweetest sap Blowin' my 🎸 ass 😐 right ☝🏽 off 🎮 the map 📍 Ooh 😳 and it's nice 🔥 out 😛 here 🥵 I 😀 think 💭 I'll 😡 stay 💒 for 4️⃣ a while ⌚🙄

Feel free to spread this everywhere

[fictionkinfessions]

Fanon win of all fucking TIME is when people started drawing me and Knives with little elf ears, or some variation in the way our face bones sit to look more like the ethereal tristamp!style Plants 💯💯💯

Bonus points for that one post i saw once of someone making a joke about our skeletons being entirely cartilaginous. Like you joke and you jest but I Think Youre Onto Something!!!!! I wasn't exactly an expert on cartilage so i didnt like. Check when anything got broken, i couldn't have known for sure, BUT. That might explain the untenable contortionist maneuvers i was capable of 💪😎!!!

I just adore all of the art and writing that really leans into how we ARENT entirely human... bc If there's one thing thats Always bugged me in scifi media, its when stories go "hey look at this alien!" Like they didnt just put a normal, plain-bread human being in front of me. GET REAL!!! WE WERE BOTH FREAKS OF NATURE AND THAT WAS THE BEST THING ABOUT US!!! It's so fucked that even the Fandom will sometimes slide into this binary of "well if theres at least Some human in them, then we may as well treat them as Completely human, except for Knives who gets to be considered More Plant *only* because he actively rejects the human part of him", which I can see having good intentions but liekkkk....., it's not *true to 'life'*, as it were? We were just like Rem said, another merger between the two species -- Nightow used the term "evolution" explicitly while describing how we and Tesla Happened in a tweet, iirc!! Taking the story and fan content in through that sort of lens definitely makes the extremely humanized depictions of me and my brother kind of disappointing to see. Like... youre missing out on what Actually makes us special to focus on the fact that canon-us are two conventionally attractive, blond haired, blue eyed, ambiguously "white" men who shoot guns real good and kill thousands in sweeping blows? And relegate the plants Entirely to just being Pretty Plot Devices?🤨📸

I liked both sides of me. I loved helping humans, and I loved helping my sisters. It was trying to do that under a hail of gunfire for an *takes deep breath* ENTIRE CENTURYYYYY‼‼‼ That made it so difficult and dangerous! I had the plot!! I HAD THE PLOT!! Call me idealistic call me unrealistic idgaf BETTER WORLDS ARE POSSIBLE! The barriers stopping us are the ones we built around our own hearts, the ones that keep us from being honest and working together our of fear of getting hurt!! Anyway.

Me and my brother were a fair bit less humanoid, from what i can remember. Im just happy to see that idea Spread, to see all the Different ways people can imagine us, thousands of forms and shapes and all the shenanigans that could ensue from them -- even if it makes me even Less invested in the more visually human-y interpretations including all three canons whoa what who said that 💀👌 --Vash the Stampede 🌅

x

[sabraeal]

If the Mind Is Willing, Chapter 3

[Read on AO3]

Part three of 500 Follower prizes @bubblesthemonsterartist​ earned herself years ago! Only two more and I will have fulfilled all those fics...probably just in time to have a 1K follower raffle

Blue light washes her pink sheets pale, until it’s impossible to tell when cotton ends and her skin begins. The shadows pull longer in its glow, turning her own nearly skeletal as she reaches out a finger, hovering over the link.

“U-J-Kyo?” Chizuru’s mouth wraps around each letter, the sound of them tumbling softly into the muted glow. “But that’s just...?”

The university’s homepage. And her laptop’s, technically, now that Yamazaki helped her set it. Not something she’d normally associate with Souji’s interests, not unless he’s started some new hostilities with the provost’s office again. Their last open letter hung on the fridge until just before Thanksgiving, the second paragraph asking for “certain individuals in the student body“ to “show more conduct becoming of an undergraduate of a prestigious institution” highlighted proudly in lime green.

Dean Kondo dropped by the house only a few days later-- for a friendly visit, he’d said, smile as warm as she remembered. He’d stayed for dinner, complimenting the soup she’d made from their leftovers, and then talked with Souji out on the porch until the swing’s chains started to creak. The letter disappeared the next morning, unremarked, though Souji kept glowering at the bare metal every time he passed through the kitchen.

Chizuru swipes tentatively at the screen, messaging app blooming beneath her finger. The link’s innocuous, known, but Souji has a gift for slipping a sting into any handshake. And if he’s calling it a gift, well--

[ToudouDomination] omg holy shit dude nice knowing u hijikatas gonna kill u 4 sure 💀💀

Professor Hijikata’s taught her enough about Trojans to take that kind of present at face value.

[✨💯GAINS💪💪✨] *skullfuck u mean skullfuck ull b the most beautiful corpse at ur funeral bro

Her lips press tight, clinging to each other as close as the rubber case to her phone. If everyone’s acting like this about it, it’s better that she doesn’t look.

[ToudouDomination] MY funeral???!! what’s this got to do with me??!!

[✨💯GAINS💪💪✨] nah man im not talking ab YOU im talking ab dead man walking over here

She’d regret it if she did, probably.

[Dr 💖💋🤭] jfc I’ll say somethign nice at you’re disciplinery hearing

[ToudouDomination] Me??

[Dr 💖💋🤭] No one’s talking about you Heisuke

It’s an accident, really. Her thumb skims up the side of the screen-- scrolling past the sudden influx of skull and fire emojis the boys heave into the chat-- and the pad of it just barely brushes the link. It flashes under the pressure, blue then purple, selected, and well...

There’s no harm in just letting it happen, is there? It’s only the university homepage, nothing--

Ah. That’s what it should be at least. But instead of the azure and white, there’s text curling across the screen, a half dozen different hand-written poems in blue bic and college rule, tiled across every inch of the background. There’s coffee stains on them too, some in the corner, and some in rings, like they were more used to being coasters than literature. And in the center of it all--

“Oh.” She blinks, tilting her screen to get a better view. “A video?”

Hogyoku Open Mic, it reads at one corner, reflection on water. A strange choice for Souji; he’s never mentioned an interest in poetry, let alone live readings. Frowning, Chizuru tilts her phone, letting the video fill the screen.

It plays, and oh, several things become clear, all at once.

“My heart is pure,” the man on screen promises, words raking over the gravel of his voice-- how little of it there is marks his age more than the lack of lines on his face-- but Chizuru’s isn’t, not when she can’t do much more than stare, fingers numb around the rubber case. “I use my palm as an inkstone.”

The camera pans closer, and yes, above that black dress shirt-- open to its third button, oh goodness gracious-- is Hijikata. Not the one she knows now, the grizzled professor who kicks his feet up on the desk and uses profanity as punctuation, but--

But a much younger man, not much older than her, considering the last little bastions of baby fat clinging to his cheekbones.

[Dr 💖💋🤭] This muts be a hundred pakcs of cigs ago

[✨💯GAINS💪💪✨] 💯

[ToudouDomination] do moths feel desire or is that like a poetic thing he talks about rain a lot too whats that all ab

[✨💯GAINS💪💪✨] its a sex thing

[Dr 💖💋🤭] Shin don’t tell the baby taht

[✨💯GAINS💪💪✨] hes a growing boy he has to learn sometime better he hears it from us hijikata fucks 🍑🍆🍑

[Saito.Hajime] Can I please be removed from this group? Also, congratulations, Souji, on finding a new, creative way to die

[✨💯GAINS💪💪✨] no way if we all have to think think about hijikata fucking u have to suffer too

[Saito.Hajime] I am not certain I care for that logic

[Dr 💖💋🤭] Too bad, bud. Your stukc with us

[✨💯GAINS💪💪✨] yeah bro u signed the housing contract ur here til death comes for u or like u move out or smthn

Chizuru means to stop the video, really she does. It’s not something Hijikata would want them to see-- at least, she assumes so, considering the way he flushes every time Souji brings up his graduate school slam jams, threatening to expel him if he doesn’t ‘shut his damn mouth.’

But the one on the screen smiles as he finishes his set, smouldering out past the stage lights, and she-- she expects snapping, some cool cats with shades and berets nodding their heads to his truth or whatever mood this is supposed to give. A respectful silence, one that gives space to the idea he’s introduced to the space, but instead--

Instead there’s screams. A full audience of women-- and a few particularly enthusiastic men-- loudly voicing their appreciation for what she’s hoping is the poetry.

Ah, maybe Shinpachi is right. It is a sex thing. And she’s watched a full ten minutes of it.

Hijikata can never know. Or worse--

[Susumu Yamazaki] Take this down. Now.

[( ⓛ ω ⓛ *)] eat my ass

Her heart ricochets around her rib cage, panicked, before it lodges itself in her throat. It flutters there, queasily, and-- and there’s no way he could possibly know, but still, guilt seizes her. She shouldn’t have looked, not once she knew. She should have been the first to say it was wrong. Helpers can only help when they know there is a problem, that’s what Father would have said. If you cannot perceive it then you are part of it.

She could say something now. Her hand squeezes tight around the case. No, she should say something now. She has to, because father will ask. She’ll tell him about this frantic midnight showdown, and he’ll say, and what did you say?

And if it is nothing...

[Susumu Yamazaki] Take it down now. Or I will get university IT involved.

[( ⓛ ω ⓛ *)] you don’t have the fucking balls

[Susumu Yamazaki] Try me.

Even with her eyes closed, her failure is inescapable. The words flash behind her eyelids, no longer composed of ones and zeros but scrawled in neon lights instead, reminding her that if she were better she could have fixed this. That if she were good enough, she could have found the magic phrase to get them all to get along. But instead...

Silence, that’s what he’ll give her. A long pause where all his expectations weigh on her, piling on her chest like boulders on a criminal. A cluck of his tongue, and a soft, I thought I raised you better. Any moment now, her phone will ring, and Father will know what a disappointment she is because--

It’s Christmas. Just about everywhere but Hawaii. A couple other islands in the Pacific too, if she’s being fair. It’s Christmas, and he’s supposed to call because that’s the way it’s always been: her staying up late not to catch Santa and his Reindeer but Father emerging from his office. It’s her that would tromp down the hall with all the grace of an elephant, to fling her arms around him and yelp, Merry Christmas!

And it was him who had to be stern, who must put her back down on the carpet and scold her for being out of bed. Who has to wait until she’s nearly shut her door to stop her, to call out, Merry Christmas, Chizuru.

It’s supposed to be her first. The one given moments after midnight, the most real, and-- and--

And she’s spent the whole day waiting for an empty office.

There’s a part of her, one that’s still too short to reach the microwave and can’t bear the kindness next door, that thinks she missed it. That there’s some dead zone in the house that she unwittingly lingered in, or a notification that her phone somehow swallowed whole. That it’s her fault she never presented herself to be loved.

But there’s another part, one that’s growing every day, and that one--

That one’s just tired. 

It’s tired that wins out, in the end.

There’s a weight that drags at her, urging her to stay within the cocoon of her covers, to let the night unfurl across her screen, each blow reported in black and white right before her eyes. A passive observer, an active disappointment, but most importantly: unmoving.

Even still, she gets up, throwing the cloud of her comforter back so that she can slide out from underneath it. Her heels hit the floor with a force that chatters her teeth; or maybe that’s just the chill of the air now that her body heat is no longer trapped up against her skin.

Her phone settles on the nightstand, cozening up to the lamp, and for a long moment, she thinks about turning it on. Every muscle complains as she peels her day clothes off and exchanges them for pajamas, her eyes straining to make out what’s a hole and what’s just dead air, and yet--

Yet it’s easier than facing herself.

The same weight drops her back onto the mattress, an anchor sinking into the endless depths of open water. She isn’t sure when she’ll hit bottom, but staring at the blank screen beside her feels entirely too close to it.

It’s with a trembling finger that she guides the volume from full to vibrate. Even that makes her heart race, makes her wonder if she’s just punishing Father for having priorities besides a fully adult daughter, the same one who had so happily told him she would support his sabbatical wherever it took him. What if he needs to get a hold of her? If there’s an emergency on Borneo or San Cistobal or whatever island his research took him? Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to just keep it on a little, just in case--

Her fingers flex. She deserves to sleep tonight, what little of it there is left. And if this is on...

Vibrate changes to mute. The phone flips over, screen pressed against the wood.

“Good night, Daddy.” She gives the case one last, small tap. “Merry Christmas.”

“Hey, jailbait.” Something warm nudges her shoulder, not gently. Chizuru has the space of exactly one breath to wonder what, before the same something grips both and shakes. “Get up!”

“Haah?” Her hands flail out, but whatever’s gotten hold of her slithers out of her grip, retreating past her arm’s reach. “What...?”

It’s bright when her eyes peel open, the sun already seeping through the curtain even though it can’t be more than--

“Class!” Her limbs fly out, wild as she tries to turn over, tangled up in the tight embrace of her covers. “I’m late for--”

“Hold up a slice, shortcake.” Souji looms over her, tall enough that his knees barely brush the bed to do it. “No classes today.”

“No...?” It’s not as if she has anything to say, brain moving at a snail’s pace that it is, but her mouth keeps moving anyway, as if just working her jaw might help get the gears moving. Which it does, oddly enough, reminding her it’s not a weekend but a holiday, and not just any holiday but Christmas, and--

And Father never called. Unless it came in the night, after she’d put herself to bed. After she’d not only turned off the ringtone but vibrate too, leaving him no chance to hear her voice, forcing any attempts for him to contact her straight to voicemail, like she didn’t even care--

“Hey.” Souji knees the mattress, jolting her outstretched elbow right into the corner of the nightstand. “Get up already.”

Painful tingles race up her arm, bouncing from elbow to shoulder and back and, oh, why is it called the funny bone when it’s not funny at all? “Souji, why are you--?”

A bleary blink turns the blurred numbers on her clock to something like sense.

“Oh!” She bolts upright on the mattress, sending Souji skittering back a step. No wonder he’s deigned to scratch at her door; Harada might be the oldest, but of the three of them, Chizuru’s the only one that can be trusted with the stove. “It’s late! Are you hungry?”

“No.” This close, it’s easy to see that furrow flash between his brows, the quick reassessment of his opinion. “Well, yeah. But that’s not what I want right now.”

This early, her brain’s as bleary as her vision, but it won’t clear no matter how much she blinks. “Then what...?”

He heaves a sigh; her only warning before long fingers clamp around her wrist, cold as iron. “Just come with me already.”

It’s a feat to get untangled from her blankets; there’s a knit one sandwiched between the top sheet and the comforter, plus another for more weight-- and heat, since she shares her thermostat with Shinpachi and Harada, whose bodies both run at a temperature verging on medically alarming if they think sixty-five degrees is comfortable. It’s harder still with Souji yanking at her the whole time; she’s not certain whether he does it because he’s impatient or because her struggling amuses him. Possibly both, knowing Souji.

Impatience, however, wins out. One foot wins free, planting itself on the bedside braided rug, and he snaps, “Hurry up. We don’t have all day.”

She’d love to, if only the comforter hadn’t swallowed her up to the ankle, cinching tight when she tries to pry it apart. “Ah, I know! Just give me one--”

Unless she’d meant to say second-- which she hadn’t, not at all-- Souji doesn’t give it to her. Instead he tugs, and she stumbles off the mattress, dragging half the blankets with her. “Good,” he huffs, barely glancing back. “Let’s go.”

“Wait!” Souji has a terrible habit of making things worse the longer he’s made to wait, but she digs in her heels anyway. Or, well, the one that isn’t still trapped in Poly-Fil. “Can I at least put on my robe?”

“Why? It’s not like there’s anyone to see your cute little Christmas--” he squints “--raccoons?”

“Tanuki.” She smooths her hand over the fabric, one of their round faces peeking playfully out from between her fingers. “They’re just so fluffy.”

Souji stares at her, stone-faced and silent, and-- and it’s longer than that his teasing typically takes. “Right,” he says, stilted. “Whatever. Just hurry it up, Sleeping Beauty.”

Chizuru is keenly conscious of every second Souji suffers her, all-too aware of how impossible it is to win a race against the limits of his patience, but she’s determined to make the most of what she’s given. It’s hopeless to aspire to Hajime’s cool efficiency, but she tries, keeping her movements sharp and purposeful, as if putting on her robe required the same sweeping grace as his kata, and yet--

Yet she barely cinches the knot tight before he’s grabbed her again. “C’mon, princess. We’ve got things to do.”

It’s a struggle just to keep her feet beneath her, but she manages a very eloquent. “Huh?”

His mouth quirks, too pleased, as he tugs and she stumbles, bare feet barely braced against the jamb. “People to piss off.”

Ah, well that’s hardly promising.

When all is said and done, he doesn’t drag her far. A cold comfort, considering.

“This is Hajime’s room,” she informs him. His grin assures her he already knows. “And, Ya-- ah, I mean, Su-- uh, um. S-susu...?”

The name’s foreign in her mouth, tongue stumbling and stuttering around it, and it’s-- it’s just odd not to use it, when she’s so used to Souji and Hajime and Heisuke and Shinpachi and even Sano, if it feels safe to say, instead of intimate. As if she’s letting all the rest of them close while keeping him at arm’s length.

Which isn’t true. But still, she can’t bring herself to say Yamazaki’s first name so casually, not when even Heisuke, who barely lasted three hours before asking if she was cool with nicknames, hasn’t managed it. With the syllables rolling around in her mouth, it’s almost...

Illicit. That’s it. “Is there a reason you need me here?”

Souji’s mouth curls, so satisfied she’s surprised she can’t see feathers between his teeth. “Yes, definitely.”

“But they went home for the holidays.” She frowns. “Did you need something in there? I’m pretty sure it’s--”

His leg kicks back, and with one smooth swing, he completely bypasses the need for a doorknob, the open door shivering from the force.

“-- locked,” she finishes faintly. “Oh my.”

One hand catches the door, long fingers splayed across the grain. “After you, jailbait.”

She nearly balks-- it’s not as if it’s his room; he hardly has the right to invite her-- but the door swings open, and she--

She’s never seen this before. Yamazaki’s room. Or Hajime’s, of course. A tour down the hallway would be enough to get a glimpse into any of the other rooms; Heisuke hadn’t even waited a day to drag her into his, pointing out all his favorite posters. Harada and Shinpachi took a few weeks longer, though she’d spent most of that visit with her hands clapped over her eyes. Even Souji tolerated her shuffling a step over the threshold, even if it was only to ask for him to help her reach one of the taller cabinets. But Yamazaki and Hajime...

Their door has always been carefully shut, not even the slightest gap for a peek. An easy habit to explain away; the both of them value privacy over accessibility, choosing to socialize in the common areas of the house rather than in their room, but still--

It’s almost surprising how normal it is. Not that Chizuru expected it to be wallpapered floor to ceiling with centerfolds, like Harada and Shinpachi’s room, or crowded with collectibles like Heisuke’s, but maybe white walls and stark sheets, monochrome and neat as a pin. The sort of room that would seem unoccupied, if it wasn’t for the monitors on the desks. Sterile.

Instead there’s posters. Not crowding the walls, so close that the corners overlap, but there’s personality, if not chaos. Enough to know that the boy who sleeps under the navy comforter likes movies with kimonos and swords or computers from the 80s, and that charcoal comforter likes wuxia and vintage medical diagrams. And books too, if the stack teetering on his bedside table is any indication.

Chizuru shuffles a step further into the room. It would be rude to rummage, but surely-- surely it wouldn’t hurt if she just read the titles. If she just stooped down the tiniest bit and--

And tripped over Souji, shoulder-deep beneath Yamazaki’s mattress. “W-what are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” he grunts, annoyed. “A guy that uptight’s got to be hiding something. And not just the normal stuff. The kind of something that’s gotta be top shelf fucked up.”

She blinks. “Huh?”

“Oh come on, you know what I mean. Whips and chains.” He drags his arm out with a huff. “Autoerotic asphyxiation. Snuff tapes.” Souji reaches up, flipping over his pillows. “Yiffing. Who could say what a small-dicked little turd like him is into?”

Half those words are unrecognizable, and so it’s not until he’s on his feet, poking through desk drawers that Chizuru realizes, “You mean you’re looking for...for...” Her mouth works, cheeks painfully hot as she manages, “Girlie magazines?”

His fingers still, pressed into a sheaf of glossy page edges. “I’m trying to find porn, Chizuru. That’s what we call it this century.”

The book shuts with a snap, joining its friends on the shelf, and when he reaches for another, she blurts out, “Don’t people just watch that online now?”

Souji laughs, not kind, but abandons the bookshelf. “And everyone thinks you’re so innocent, huh, princess?”

Her hands clap to her cheeks. Ah, she hadn’t realized it could be painful to blush. “I, um...only, ah--” Souji flings open the closet “--I don’t think you should really be--!”

“Jackpot.” The hangers rattle as he slips something off the rack; with only the sunlight eking in around the blinds to light the room, it’s hard to see just what. “What do you think? Would it look good on me?”

The fabric’s black, limp and shapeless on its hanger, utterly unrecognizable. “I don’t...?”

“Nah, no way I could fit into that shrimp’s costumes.” The light might be dim, but Souji’s teeth practically glow when he says, “But you could, half pint. C’mon, get over here.”

She doesn’t have much of a choice, not when he grabs her wrist and yanks. “I don’t understand,” she murmurs, watching him separate a smaller piece from the whole, more uncomfortable by the second. “Why did you need me when you were only going to..um...?”

Steal seems a little strong for the moment. Scrounge falls a little short.

“Ahhh, see, kid, last night I left a little gift for the whole student body. Right on the main page, where everyone could appreciate it.” He steps entirely too close, the warmth of his body filling the space between them. “And our favorite little ass-kisser didn’t appreciate it.”

The scrap slips over her head, cool and smooth where it settles around her neck. “So he took it down. Or got some of his nerd friends to do it. Either way...” Souji shrugs. “It’s rude to give back a gift, isn’t it?”

His wrist twists, the cloth pulling tight against her skin. Tight enough that only a twitch guides her into a nod. “See? That’s what I thought too. Kid needs to learn a thing or two about manners. So that’s what I’m doing.” Souji grins, the fabric loosening as he lets it slip from his fingers. “Teaching him a lesson.”

“B-but...” Her focus stumbles as he steps closer, threading his hand beneath the few inches of her hair that don’t clear the fabric and pulling them free. “I don’t see what that has to do with me.”

“It’s cute that you don’t know.” His smile could cut when he slips the cloth right up over her nose. “This is a hostage situation, jailbait, and you’re going to read from the script. Now look over here.”

She does, blinking right up into the blinding light of flash photography as his arm squeezes her close. “What...?”

“Perfect.” Souji’s lips slant to a smirk, phone pinched delicately between his fingers. “Now I just need to post this in--”

The lights flick on. Neither of them are near the switch.

But Hajime is.

“Just what,” he says, brows drawn down like a storm, “do you think you’re doing in here?”

There have only been three house meetings since Chizuru showed up on their doorstep, hair shorn and all her earthly possessions split between a backpack and a trash bag: the first, called by the professor, to announce that that there would be a new roommate; the second, to decide how exactly to handle the fact that Chizuru wasn’t a boy’s name, nor was she; and the third, well...

I’m not complaining that you invite girls back, Sano, Shinpachi had said, with all the gravitas of a judge, but you can’t let them wander around. She went through our trash, dude!

But this-- it’s different. Not just because of the Christmas lights, festively twinkling through their cycle, or Shinpachi’s sweater blinking through its own.

It’s that they’re all here, Christmas afternoon-- evening really, with how early the sun sets these days-- holidays cut short. Chizuru might not have anyone to spent Christmas with, but Shinpachi did, and Heisuke, and Yamazaki--

And instead they’re all here. Because of her. Not a single one of them is smiling.

It’s too much.

“I’m so sorry!” The words burst out of her, rushed, but it’s important to get them out before anyone else can speak, before they think she’s only sorry because she got caught. “I really didn’t mean to go in! I just...Souji said...”

“Narc.” It’s muffled in his shoulder, just loud enough for her to hear. And maybe others, the way Yamazaki’s brow twitches across the table.

“Chizu, Chizu. Come on.” Shinpachi holds up his hands, as if a half-hearted sweep like that could clear the slate of her worries.. “No one here thinks this is your fault.”

It’s kind of him to say, but that’s...impossible. Not when she’s so clearly transgressed. “I went into Y-Yamazaki and Hajime’s room without permission. That’s against the--”

“No, Yukimura, that’s not--” Yamazaki’s teeth clack down, hard.  “I don’t mind if it’s you. Ah, I mean--” his ears flush the same angry pink that licks up the column of his neck “--it’s, er, different.”

“You are respectful of other people’s personal belongings,” Hajime clarifies. “There is no issue with you in our private space. Souji, however...”

“Oh, come on.” Souji kicks his feet up on the coffee table, baring every hole in the bottom of them. “It’s not like I broke anything.”

Yamazaki’s eyes hone onto him-- or rather, the parts of him only inches from Harada’s iced mocha, so close a flex of a toe could touch the coaster. “Right, you only stole something. Not like that’s a big deal.”

“Stole? Like I want--” with a sweep of his palm, Yamazaki clears the surface of appendages, so precise it doesn’t even disrupt the condensation on the cup “--hey!”

He doesn’t smile, but when Yamazaki glances up at the couch, his satisfaction shines just as bright as one.

“Souji.”

Hajime is not like Shinpachi, using his outdoor voice in every room no matter how small, or Heisuke, unable to control his volume once a conversation gets interesting. He’s soft spoken, serious; the sort of person other people lean in to hear, rather than ask him to speak up.

But today, he pitches his voice to be heard. “You cannot enter someone’s assigned private room without express permission.” With even graver inflection, he adds “It is against the rules put forth in the Signed Housing Agreement.”

Souji snorts, sinking further into the couch cushions. “No one pays attention to that crap.”

Air hisses between Yamazaki’s teeth. “That’s--”

“If I am not allowed to leave the group chat unless a member of the house boots me for a pre-agreed upon duration,” Hajime says, mouth pulling thin, “then you are also not allowed in my room.”

His glare is hardly aimed at her, but it comes close enough that she flinches. Souji doesn’t, refusing to acknowledge it that same way a cat declined to be caught on a curtain, as if reality was simply an opinion he did or did not hold. “I didn’t even touch your stuff. I don’t know why you’re trying to--”

“You did touch Yamazaki’s stuff, though.” Harada shifts in his chair, the vee of his sweater dipping deep enough to bare cleavage. It might be distracting, if it wasn’t already a relief that he was wearing all his clothes. “Which is against the rules.”

“Yeah, that’s fucked up, right?” Shinpachi cracks open a tall boy, cold enough that the beer fizzes out, threatening to drip right across the festive moose on his chest; HORNY AND WELL HUNG according to the words knit into his sweater. “There’s no locks on the doors, man. We’ve all got to trust each other.”

Chizuru blinks. “But I have a lock.”

He pauses, mid-sip. “Well, I guess that makes sense. You’re a girl, after all. Can’t have a girl be alone with a bunch of guys if there no--”

“My room also has a lock.” Hajime frowns, considering the socks Souji’s just returned to the table. “Hardly a good one, if Souji was able to bypass it with just his foot, but...”

“Me too,” Heisuke chimes in. “I just don’t really use it.”

“Wait, what?” Shinpachi swivels between them, lost. “Are me and Sano the only ones who don’t--?”

“I think the best course of action is to inform Professor Hijikata about the infraction.” Kneeling on the carpet next to Shinpachi’s luggage, Yamazaki’s hardly an authority figure, but when he raises his voice the room fritters to silence. “I’m sure he can take it from there.”

Harada hums, unconvinced. “I don’t know about that. Souji’s already got two strikes against him. If we report another one, I’m pretty sure Hijikata’s going to toss him out.”

They might be more suggestions than eyebrows, but still, it makes an impression when Yamazaki furrows them.  “I don’t see why that’s any of my concern.”

“Aw, c’mon, Yamazaki.” They all might tease her about her pleading eyes, but it’s Heisuke that uses them now, as compelling as any puppy in a pet store window. “You know Souji doesn’t have anywhere else to go. You wouldn’t throw him out in the cold just like that, would you?”

His mouth pinches, bracing the way the rest of him is, squared off and utterly implacable. “Souji is a grown man who can make his own decisions. If those decisions lead to him getting tossed out, that hardly has anything to do with me.”

Souji snorts. “None of the people who complained are even here anymore.”

Yamazaki whips around, eyes so cold they could turn any other man to ice. Souji just smirks. “Yes, because of you.”

“Well, I don’t know...” Heisuke hums, thoughtful. “Ryu left because of that art program. You know, the one that had the scholarship.”

“Only after Okita shoved him off--!”

“Oh, c’mon.” Souji’s shoulder twitch, barely summoning up the energy for a full shrug. “That’s all water under the bridge.”

Yamazaki surges to his feet; only Harada’s hand, keeping him from jumping the table too. “You broke his wrist in three places! The only reason he didn’t press charges was because his foster father is somehow an even bigger asshole than you!”

Souji picks his grins the same way a chef picks his knives from the block: with the intention to cut. “No hard feelings.”

“Hard feelings?” Yamazaki chokes out. “You think this is about hard feelings? When Itou left, he--”

“Itou was a prick.”

Hajime doesn’t so much sigh as hum, raspy and dubious. “That doesn’t mean that what you did was right, Souji.”

His eyes narrow, annoyed. “Don’t pretend you miss him running around the place, acting better than everyone.”

“No, no. He’s got a point.” The easy chair grunts as Shinpachi shifts his weight back, crossing his legs ankle to knee. “They both do. You know I don’t want to kick you out, man, but you’ve got a bad habit of taking stuff way past funny right into, well...”

“An actionable offense?” Harada offers, wry.

A blunt nail taps at his can, uncomfortable. “Yeah, that. It’s not good, bro.”

Something happens with Souji’s mouth. A lot of somethings, actually; subtle ones, hidden in the corners and tucked into the cheeks, the sort that happen between one blink and the next. Missable, save for the fact that Chizuru never looks away.

There’s a jut of his lip first, not a pout but its more serious cousin, the kind that’s like a levee to a deluge: one tremble away from a flood. A scowl next, never quite reaching his eyes; good practice for the smile that follows, curving into a smirk the way steel takes an edge: like it’s meant for it.

“All right, all right.” His hands raise up, too lax for a peace offering. It might stand in for a concession, if she tilted her head and squinted, but only a little. “So you’re all mad at me or whatever.”

“For good reason.” It’s a strong stance for Harada; he’s usually the one who’s quick to compromise, so long as it keeps everyone civil.

“Sure, right.” Souji shrugs, unconcerned. “I get it. But consider--” fabric whips out from behind a pillow, matte and black-- “this.”

Chizuru blinks. “Wasn’t that in...?”

Yamazaki’s closet, she doesn’t say. Not when he shakes it out, turning it from cloth to clothing, a whole jumpsuit with fussy embroidery picked out in an even darker black.

“What’s that?” Shinpachi scoots to the edge of his chair, squinting. He must not have his contacts in. “Some sort of ninja costume?”

She knows better than to turn, to draw attention to the statue suddenly sitting across the table, but Chizuru can’t help it, not when Souji is so quick to say, “It is.” There’s enough relish in his tone that she can taste it. “And it’s Yamazaki’s.”

There’s a pause-- for effect, she’s sure, considering the way Souji grins. Like he’s pulled off some magic trick, making his troubles disappear in one hand and then plucking them out from behind Yamazaki’s ear.

“So?” Harada snorts, unimpressed. “Are you surprised? He’s been a ninja for Halloween like, what? Three years running? Since I’ve been here at least. What next? Gonna pull a sexy firefighter out of Shin’s closet?”

“Hey!” A hand presses right over WELL, leaving HORNY and HUNG peeking out from underneath it. “I’ve branched out! This year I was a sexy soldier.”

“How can you tell?” Heisuke mutters, hunched shoulders making his chest even narrower, more concave. “You’re only wearing like half a costume.”

“We’re not talking about Nagakura.” With all the subtlety of a bomb, Souji drops, “We’re talking about Mr Kiss-Ass and how he has like, five of these tucked away for a rainy day.”

It’s been three months since Chizuru managed to insinuate herself into the house, but not once has it been quiet. Even in the night there’s something: Shinpachi snoring, Harada’s flings trying to find the front door, Heisuke up entirely too late typing up papers or-- more likely-- playing video games. Something. But now--

Now it’s a ringing silence that’s left in Souji’s wake, an awkward air that has every shoulder stiff, every eye finding somewhere else to look besides the place where Yamazaki sits, still as a stone.

Or at least, until Hajime slides forward, dexterous fingers smoothing over the raised stitches of the sleeve. “Oh,” he hums, impressed. “Your skills have really improved since your last attempt. I take it this is for next weekend?”

“Ah...” He swallows, loud enough that even Chizuru can hear. “Y-yeah. The new kunai were too heavy for the belt, so I thought if I remade that, I might as well add a few more quality of life adjustments, and, er...”

“Oh my god,” Heisuke breathes, quivering like a corgi at the end of his leash. “Are you a real ninja?”

A broad hand cuffs him on the back of his head. “C’mon,” Harada mutters. “What the hell’s wrong with you?”

If Yamazaki’s ears were painted pink before, they’re crimson now, hot enough to burn from touch alone. The square of his shoulders deflates, rounding with the slow leak of his confidence, but--

But Hajime simply nods, stroking his chin. “Perhaps I should look at my own as well. It hardly feels adequate next to all the work you’ve done.”

“Is this like...a sex thing?” Shinpachi’s eyes dart between the two of them. “It’s a sex thing, right?”

“No,” Yamazaki says, stern, immediately undermined by Hajime’s, “A little.”

It’s with a hefty heaping of betrayal that Yamazaki turns to him, glaring as he grounds out, “Absolutely not.”

Hajime’s mouth gives a dubious twist, and he opens it, perhaps to gainsay him, but--

But there’s no time, not when Heisuke practically explodes. “Are you a ninja too, Hajime?”

He blinks. “No.”

“Oh.” Heisuke deflates. “Okay, I guess...”

“I’m a samurai.”

“What--” Harada’s voice strains beneath the words “--is going on?”

“So let me get this straight.” Harada’s fingers pinch at the bridge of his nose, but by the wrinkle above them, Chizuru doubts it helps. “You two...dress up as samurai...?”

“I’m the samurai,” Hajime explains, so helpful. “Yamazaki is currently playing as a ninja. As he typically does.”

“You don’t have to tell them that,” he mutters. “That’s not really the point--”

“Right, of course, but...” Harada grimaces. “This is what you do on the weekends? For fun?”

A narrow shoulder lifts under Hajime’s tee, the closest he comes to a shrug. “An afternoon a month, to be more specific.”

“Once a month?” Heisuke asks, wide-eyed. “That doesn’t seem like a lot.”

“It takes a large amount of effort and dedication to keep up a long-form Live Action Roleplaying campaign,” he explains gravely. “That the organizers are able to run so often is a testament to their skill. And to run a weekend event--”

“So you mean you go there the whole weekend?” Heisuke blinks. “Like just forty-eight hours of samurai stuff?”

Hajime’s correction comes the same way as all his interactions: swiftly and without any judgment. “Seventy-two hours.”

Shinpachi goggles. “That’s a lot of fucking hours.”

“It is to aid with immersion.” Hajime isn’t a man of many words, but now he does not so much pause as he does breathe. “Unlike other games of its kind, Legend of the Five Rings does not focus so much on combat as it does internal conflict, and the robust worldbuilding--”

“This isn’t what they’re asking.” Yamazaki’s gaze darts wide-eyed around the table, never daring to stay longer than a blink. “You don’t have to--”

“--Is based on Sengoku Era Japan,” he continues, heedless. “As gratifying as it is to play on a regular basis, it really isn’t until a few hours into any session that people truly come to embody their roles. The court politics alone--”

“Saito.” Yamazaki may be seated at the opposite end of the living room, but his stare is enough to make even Hajime hesitate. “I think they get the idea.”

Harada looks between them, pained. “So are there...scripts or something?”

“No. Yes.” Hajime frowns. “It’s complicated. Each scene is improvised in character, but the organizers are present to facilitate the flow of the story. It is a collaborative effort.”

“But that’s it?” Heisuke asks. “You’re just like...samurai for a day? Or, er, three of them?”

“Yes.”

“And you do this--” Harada’s eyebrows furrow, pained “--for fun?”

Hajime doesn’t answer so much as cock his head, hands outspread as if to say, what else?

“That’s so...so cool!” Heisuke leaps to his feet, practically tripping over the table in his excitement. “Can I go? You guys gotta bring me!”

“What?” Harada blinks at him. “You want to go to this?”

“Uh, yeah?” His hands clench, too excited. “You get to be a samurai, Sano! Who wouldn’t want to?”

“Hey, so.” Shinpachi leans in, face pinched in curiosity. “Is this like...D&D or whatever?”

“In spirit,” Yamazaki creaks out, looking like death warmed over.

He nods. “Right, right. So like...a total sausage fest, or...?”

“The numbers on many tabletop games typically skews toward male,” Hajime explains, “but Live Action Roleplaying draws a higher percentage of female participants. Possibly due to the cosplay aspect.”

Shinpachi grins. “Oh, then count me in too, sensei.”

Harada stares at him. “Who are you?”

“What?” Shinpachi shrugs. “It’s math with babes. What’s not to love?”

“Ah...” Yamazaki waving hands don’t do much to hide his grimace. “I don’t really think this will be as interesting to you as you think...”

“He’s right,” Harada presses. “You may think it’s a good place to pick up women who aren’t afraid of, er, theoretical numbers--”

“They’re not theoretical,” Shinpachi huffs. “They’re real, it’s just the equations used to describe them are--“

“See? Already my eyes have glazed over.”

“I don’t know,” Chizuru hums, pitched just loud enough to be heard. “I think it sounds...fun?”

Yamazaki’s stare fixes on her. “Really?”

Even as a girl, Chizuru had never been one to play dress up, never been one to play pretend-- father didn’t approve, for one. Not when there were more direct benefits to be had from drilling flashcards or reading books. A second, her daydreams were vivid enough she hardly needed to act them out, not when Father was so apt to remind her, princesses don’t have to pass their medical exams.

But Yamazaki is as serious as they come, a TA for the dean of the pre-med department even before graduating. His acceptance to the medical school almost assured, and he finds this worth his time. Enough to have made a costume-- with his own hands!-- and sign up for a whole weekend away from his studies...

“Y-yeah.” She ducks her head, hoping to hide the heat that pricks at her cheeks. “I mean, as long as it wouldn’t be a bother for me to, um...”

“Ah, no! I mean, yes. Never.” Yamazaki shakes himself, pink staining the high arch of his cheekbones. “It’s not a problem.”

“Yeah, Chizu!” An arm clamps around her shoulders, dragging her against Shinpachi’s personal light display. “That’s right! Let’s all go. House field trip!”

Yamazaki’s jaw drops. “I don’t, er, know about that--!”

“Fine.” Harada sighs, getting to his feet. “If Chizuru wants to go. Count me in.”

“That’s the spirit!” Shinpachi claps him on the back, hard enough that even Harada has to cough. “Now, that just leaves...?”

“Uh-uh.” Souji’s arms fold over his chest, forbidding. “No way I’m going to your nerd party.”

“Aw, c’mon.” Shinpachi drops between them on the couch, arm pulling tight. “Think of it as a group bonding experience.”

Souji scowls. “What makes you think I care about bonding with any of you--”

“Well, if you’re going to be that way about it.” He squeezes tight enough to eke a squeak out of him. “Think about it as, ‘if you go we won’t tell Hijikata about you stealing shit.”

Souji glowers. “Fine,” he grumbles, shoving him off. “But I won’t like it!”

Shinpachi’s smile is all knives when he replies, “Wouldn’t expect you to.”

It’s dark when Chizuru stumbles out into the hall; there’d been daylight still when they’d piled into the parlor, but now night clings to the the edges of dusk, only enough light to gild the snow in golden shadow. It might bother her more if it wasn’t such a relief, a respite from having to scrape at the last reserve of her smiles. And so she takes it; one big breath and the muscles around her mouth slump, aching from use.

Any other night, she might worry about one of the boys following out behind her, but she can hear the ruckus shift from the parlor toward the kitchen, wheeled baggage and Shinpachi’s booming voice all tromping toward the back stair. Her day may have happened in fits and starts, but everyone else has been on the move, going from Christmas to short notice travel to fraught house meeting all within the space of hours. There’s no one who’s going to be worried about her.

Which suits her just fine. A few minutes lying face down on her comforter and she’ll be right as rain. Just a breath or two to herself, and--

Someone huffs behind her. Right behind her.

She whips around so fast, she nearly tumbles Yamazaki into the wall with her. Or at least his arm, half outstretched, now just hanging there in the air between them.

“Oh!” There’s no reason for her to shy back, but she does, guiltier with every inch. “Ah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to--”

“No, no. It’s my fault.” His hands aren’t large, not like Harada or Shinpachi, but the fingers are long and tapered, digging runnels through the shaggy bristle of his hair. “I should have-- ah, I mean, I just saw you, and er, wanted to make sure that you were all right. After, ah...all that.”

Her first instinct urges her to laugh, to let her nerves giggle out, there’s no need to worry about me--

But Yamazaki stares at her with the same careful intensity as he had in the kitchen-- you’re worth a good meal-- and Chizuru tries deflection instead. “I’m the one who should be asking you that! I went into your room without any permission and all, and Souji--” Yamazaki grimaces at the name “---I just...you have every right to be mad at me!”

“You?” he echoes, incredulous. “It’s not your fault, Yukimura. Okita’s the one who dragged you in there.”

She shakes her head. “I could have chosen to leave any time. I just was too curious to think to question him.”

“Curious?” There’s no inflection to the word, and with the shadows making a muddle of his expressions, there’s only the tilt of his head to tell here there’s a question. “Why would you be curious?”

“Ah, I’d just...never been inside before?” Her palms clap to her cheeks, and oh, she must glow from how hot her cheeks burn. “It’s silly.”

“It’s not! It’s just, ah...unexpected. I...” His mouth opens, as if he might say more, but with a lick of his lips, it closes instead. Or rather, his chin dips down and it follows, gaze dropping from her eyes to somewhere at her neck. As if...

“Oh, did I spill...?” She can’t actually remember what she’s eaten today, whether it could be something that she could walk around wearing, but Yamazaki’s already shaking his head.

“Ah, no, it’s just...you still have...” His fingers curl hesitantly in the air between them. “If you would let me...?”

Every twitching nerve of her stills as he steps close, fingers skimming past her shoulders. Only days ago she’d knotted his scarf, but it feels different now that he’s the one reaching, so close his hand meet behind her neck. He’s not bundled up now, no three layers of wool and thermal and parka to keep her from realizing that he smells nice, like...like something clean with a hint of eucalyptus, and it’s...

It’s a lot.

His fingers knit into the fabric at her nape, too slippery for him to find the end of it by touch. At least, the first time; he gathers it up, hiking it higher and higher until he can slide under it, the flat of his nails smooth and warm against her neck. Her pulse pounds so hard he must feel it, but Yamazaki doesn’t flinch, instead lifting it with surgical precision. The stretchy fabric threads right off her ponytail with no more than that initial brush of fingers, and she--

She stare. It’s the mask. The one Souji put on her. All this time, and she’s-- she’s just been wearing it, like some sort of...scarf. Right over her tanuki pajamas. In front of everyone.

In front of Yamazaki.

If she could melt into the woodwork, it would be a miracle. But as always, reality refuses to oblige her. “Oh, I hadn’t even...ah...”

“Please, don’t worry about it.” His fingers smooth over the fabric, mouth curving into a rueful smile. “It looked better on you than it does on me.”

“Ah!” Her gasp catches in her throat. “That’s not...um...” She hakes her head, hoping that might clear enough room for a sentence or two to compose itself. “I don’t think that’s true.”

Yamazaki glances up at her, amused, and oh-- she hadn’t meant to say that. Not like that.

“You know, I meant to...” He stops himself. Not abruptly, like she does, but a slow, thoughtful halt. Like a train pulling into a station rather than a car braking for a yellow light. “I mean, I don’t think I ever got around to saying it last night, and today, with everything...well”

He hesitates again, a breath hissing between his teeth. But this time his shoulders square, and even though his gaze is lost in the shadow of his brows, she knows he’s looking at her. “Merry Christmas, Yukimura.”

[chailoserr]

Your Bleach headcanons are just *chef's kiss*. Could you do some for Ichigo, Grimmjow, and Riruka?

of course:)

BLEACH HEADCANONS PT 2

warnings: apart from a couple of the usual sex jokes, none

ICHIGO

• his most played song one year was definitely freek-a-leek

• something about that is just so funny to me

• he probably has movie nights with his sisters on occasion

• they’d probably watch some really cheesy and poorly made killer animal movies like “house shark”

• i feel like he’s a smoothie guy, loves a good smoothie

• probably stays up late with the gang and they have those long ass late night talks about random stuff as they look at the stars like the main characters they are

• i feel like aliens in the attic would be his fav movie

• will go the extra mile just to NOT fight with kenpachi again

• and i mean the extra mile, as far as dressing up as an elderly woman to faking his death, anything to keep kenpachi from trying to beat his ass

• probably collects CDs, he’d have a whole rack full of them and whenever the gang stays over they play them

• i feel like he’d practice fighting with renji and uryuu while orihime, chad, and rukia play referees

• no actual relevant fighting would be done, it’d just be ichigo tackling uryuu and renji into the mat while rukia and orihime blew their referee whistles repeatedly

• i think he’d be the group’s designated driver

• has probably done those little fake stick on tattoos with his sisters

• keeps every gift that his friends give him bc he’s a sweetheart like that

GRIMMJOW

• or as i like to call him, “grilled justin”

• this guy’s gonna get two different sets of headcanons bc i was a bit too aggressive with this first bit

•this man eats eggs r a w

• he’ll use the same tissue he used to wipe his nose until it’s DISINTEGRATED

• man puts celery, protein powder, raw eggs, and MILK in his smoothies

• he likes to fart and blame other people in the room

• he probably pees wherever in las noches bc he’s “marking his territory”

• “this stream of piss from here to HERE is my domain!”

• he doesn’t know that women have pussies

• man thinks they all got dicks like him

• he probably has an alarm that goes off every five minutes for an hour and every time it goes off he goes “RISE AND GRIND🔥💪💯”

• his workout routine is just him listening to evanescence while brooding and beating the fuck out of anything in his path

• he punches walls and tables, the place goes through so much damage

• “scissor porn! i demand new walls to punch!”

• poor shiver-me-pickles probably has to replace all the aforementioned walls and tables himself since he’s smart and i don’t think they have a home depot in hueco mundo

• scissor porn and shiver-me-pickles was a reference to mr fancy ocho espada, the pink hostess snoball looking ass (non derogatory)

• i do not know how to say nor spell his name and i’m too lazy to even google it, tis better this way anyways

• but overall, muscle smurf is a menace

GRIMMJOW, TAKE TWO

• grimble joe is back

• i’ve only seen so much of bleach so idk that much about the guy other than he’s really into fighting people and being as neon blue as possible

• i’m sure he’s got a personality deep down under all of those muscles that people love so much

• he probably would have a rise and grind mindset tbh

• he’d wake up and be like “oh yay another day to prove my worth and muscles to my boss!”

• he’s probably insecure tbh

• just a l i t t l e maybe

• he’s a little ball of energy

• he’d just run around las noches like an overactive puppy

• so yea, sorry i don’t know too much about old gimble juice, maybe once i’ve watched more of him in the show i’ll redo his hcs

RIRUKA

• i’ve never seen this woman before until i googled her but that sure as hell isn’t gonna stop me from at least t r y i n g to make hcs for her

• based off of her looks i think she’s a strawberry shortcake stan

• and we love strawberry shortcake in this house

• she seems fashionable so i assume she’d love to go out shopping and such

• looks like she enjoys toast

• i think she’d love monster high

• idk why but i’m getting horror movie fan energy

• probably got really invested into rainbow looms at one point

• probably likes platform heels

• sorry again if these aren’t too accurate, once i’ve seen her in the show i’ll have to redo her hcs too!

[waywaylon]

BAD BITCH MASTERDOC OF MY INTERESTS🥶🔥💯💪 looking for mutuals and friends 18+

first time on tumblr! im constantly getting into new stuff + love taking recommendations from ppl

video games:

- bg3, tlou, resident evil, outlast, silent hill, stardew valley, genshin, cod (ghost my love!!), tetris, dead by daylight, pjsekai, ts4, omori, minecraft, portal

anime/ manga:

- madoka, evangelion, nana, death note, perfect blue, goodnight punpun, chainsaw man, junji ito works, saiki k

music:

- radiohead, nirvana, slipknot, system of a down, the cure, vocoloid, deftones, mitski, gorillaz, mcr, nine inch nails, depeche mode

other:

- breaking bad, lolita fashion, cats, aesthetics, dolls, mbti/enneagram, art, crocheting

#

[jyoproductions]

Yoooo what's good today yall I gotta show love to my hommie J Dub @fortunenfame he been a real one since Day 1. Thanks for sharing my post squad you always were solid and showed nothing but respect, support, and love cuz u a true friend hommie and exactly like me u always show love to people that are 💯 not the frauds and people not worth our time. I appreciate u fam and always got your back squad we🤞🤞🤞 ⚠️⚠️⚠️PROOF⚠️⚠️⚠️ This is proof I am exactly what I say I am/I am 100 percent genuine and look out for people and show love to anyone that does the same to me. You can see I been getting hated on and went through nothing but negativity by the comment and what my man J said to dude telling me to calm down. Also read what he said in the description of my my post he shared of the Source article. BTW the article got delayed but been sent to publishing team📨📨📨 SO yall this is PROOF I am The #realliferocky & I really don't go looking to start fights for no reason but if someone like them blue dirtbags the other day come giving me hate for no reason that I am done taking it now I'm answering people and prove I am what I say I am and "Never Give Up" and will never back down from any challenge🗣🏆👊🤜🤛💪💪💪 #jyoproductions #followers #followersneeded #followersinstagram #philadelphia #philly #phillyhiphop #hiphop #hiphopperformer #newrapper #rapper #rappersofinstagram #rap #newmusic #newhiphop #hiphopmusic #rapmusic #realrap #hiphopartist #newrapper #viralpost #trending #trendingpost #performer #realhiphopmusic #newsong #hiphopproducer #takeoverteam #realhiphop #realliferocky (at Philly) https://www.instagram.com/p/CmRxHiarUyW/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[decladams]

thank you @its-hell !! the chain was getting rly long so i’m making a new post

last song: naked in manhattan by chappell roan

favorite color: dark greens and blues

last movie/tv show: the green knight

currently watching: making my way through doctor who and rewatching the bear

sweet/spicy/savory: spicy 🔥💯💪

relationship status: single as always

current obsession: tma and iwtv. and of course trc

last thing i googled: an answer to a question for chemistry

no pressure tag: @grieving4theliving @fromjannah @honkifyourelonely @glendover @meant-for-originals @gideoncharov @iheartquestionmark and anyone else who wants to !!

[pha55ed]

PR Nightmare || F1

type :: crack tw/cw :: fem-anatomy!reader (carlos), fart eating??? (lando), dicks haha penis haha (oscar), gaslighting (oscar) contains :: carlos, charles, lando, oscar summary :: driver!reader is the driver's teammate which is awesome! only issue is that they're a pr nightmare and it's their job to cover for you - reader's dialogue is blue! - honestly not proud of this but meh f1 masterlist || f2 masterlist || more here!

Carlos Sainz | 55

Doing interviews was normally boring for Carlos since they tend to ask the same thing over and over again

But somehow, you always made it more fun

Mostly because you couldn't keep your big fat mouth shut and usually went so off-topic they'd need to cut you off

So they asked for the thousandth time, "what do you like about your teammate?"

Usually, Carlos would just repeat that he likes your humor, your positive energy, and great racing skills

But you decided to cut him off and lie for fun

"I like that we can share bras and shit 😄" You say with a bright smile

Carlos' eyes widened as he let out a laugh from shock

"That's not true, we have never shared bras"

"Yeah we have, don't be shy 😆"

Despite how many times Carlos denied it, it was already imprinted in the fandom

Now Carlos is constantly edited with bras on

He's haunted by this every where he goes

Now he can't go to the media pen without being asked "what brand of bras do you recommend?"

Charles Leclerc | 16

Interviews have gotten easier for Charles since his English has improved so much

But you loved to gaslight him and get him to questionable stuff

Some random Sports channel called you and Charles in to film a video

The prompt was that you would be able to edit Charle's bio on Instagram and Twitter and vice-versa

Charles went first, making your bio slightly funny and goofy

He was pretty proud of himself for his creation - despite it not being super funny

But you wanted to go all out - changing his entire bio to be brand new

You handed his phone back to him and showed him the new bio you created for him

"Determined to Breed 😈 🔥 🙏 #16 on Grid + 16 Inches 💪 💯 🏎️ Ferrari Forever ♾️ 🗣️ 🙋‍♂️ Bye bye Carlos 💋 😢 💍"

Charles understood most of it but didn't really care to think too hard about any of it

He assumed all of it was supposed to be some hype gym-bro stuff so he kept it for a WEEK.

The video was still being edited and wouldn't be posted until about 2 weeks

So everyone was going crazy on Twitter and Instagram thinking he got hacked

Charles only changed it after an Italian fan translated it and he went 😨

But it was too late,,, he is now forever known as "Determined to Breed" by everyone

Lando Norris | 04

Interviews were already pretty fun for Lando since he's pretty young and has good energy

But you were a different level of energy, making you blurt out random stuff for fun

Normally it was just fun facts or little stories - but sometimes you would leak secrets about Lando

"What's the biggest flaw in your teammate?"

Lando hated questions like these, but he knew to make it humorous so there'd be no drama

While he was struggling to think of something about you, you instantly blurted out

"His farts smell like absolute ass." You say with a strong emphasis on how bad it smelt

Lando hides his face from embarrassment and tries his best to deny this

"What are you talking about!" He tries to gaslight you, "I've never even farted around you!!!"

"Yes you have!" You argue back "And I can tell everytime you're gonna fart!! Cause you lift one ass cheek up!!!"

Lando loses the argument completely, hiding his face in his legs as the entire camera crew began to laugh at him

Twitter went crazy, saying they got the ick from imagining Lando lifting his cheek to fart

Even the grid found out and started to mock him too

You made him a victim fr 😢

Oscar Piastri | 81

One of your favorite things ever is to LIE :D 🎉

You loved lying, especially about Oscar, it was so fun because he almost never defended himself

He was raised with the mindset of "people will find the truth on their own"

Which was perfect for you cause you could say the most out of pocket shit and he would never ever bother to correct you

You were doing an interview with Oscar, as usual, and they asked the basic standard things that people wanted to know

But you loved to pretend that you and him were much closer than you actually were

Similar to Tyler the Creator and ASAP Rocky - you being Tyler, of course...

"What's your favorite memory with each other?"

Oscar needed a minute to think, because you guys did hang out quite a lot

But you instantly went: "When I went with Oscar to get him circumcised! 😆"

Everyone in the room gasped - not believing it for a second

But thanks to Oscar's deadpan face and sarcastic tone, he was helping them believe you despite it not being true AT ALL.

"Oh yeah, that's my favorite too." he says sarcastically with a small smirk

"I held his hand and helped him breathe and stuff - like he was giving birth"

"Yeah, thanks for that"

"No problem! 😄"

Although everyone could tell it was a lie, the fans loved the fake story and went along with it

So many edits were created that it was impossible for you to like every single one

more here!