#get into the specifics of that relationship

[gingerpines]

unlike many people, i think that scene is so beautiful and meaningful. i wanna talk about this scene from vi’s perspective, and more specifically about touch and her past with physical violence.

all she's ever known is pain, violence and physical abuse. it's how she copes and what she'd had to live with her whole life: since she was a child, to protect powder and the others, being in prison for 7 years and getting beat up, using her fists in every fight, getting punched by cait, then jinx (literally in the scene before this one) becoming a pit fighter and using all she knows to cope with any emotion she has

Vi needed, deserved that closeness, that intimacy, a touch that isnt a violent one, a form of trust and warmth that she has never gotten, especially after everything physically abusive that she went through until now, she's finally allowed and able to feel loved and cared for.

and cait didn't apologize for hurting vi the way that she did, but i believe that scene was a step towards forgiveness and redemption. it's about second chances and saving their relationship from the curse it was in, the oil and water curse.

[clown-bimbo]

Sugar Daddy Leona

Definitely a gender neutral reader because he is rood in this and we already know Leona is canonically more respectful to women, so you are yuugender in this

You’re down on your luck and need cash. Maybe you’re even in debt to azul, who knows. But you need money.

Fortunately for you, a certain royal lion who throws money at problems he’s too lazy to deal with (which is most of them) currently has a problem that you can solve.

Leona needs a date.

Some stupid ball thing he has to attend. And for most of his life he’s been able to get away going alone, but this year his family is really pestering him to bring someone. He doesn’t think much of it, he’ll just find someone not too annoying to drag along with him. He’ll even pay them for their time. Win win. (He ends up offering you a stupid amount of money but you take the Ruggie route and just accept it from him)

And that’s how the transactional relationship between you and Leona starts. Innocent enough, right?

but then you and Leona get tipsy. Then you and Leona get handsy. And then you and Leona get in bed.

You wake up the next morning with the usual headache, but also a sleepy lion clinging onto you like a pillow.

Also you’re both naked.

And bruised.

And DAMN did you fuck up Leona’s back—

Tho it was probably deserved, especially now that you can really process how fucking sore you are down there.

Leona stirs, complaining about his headache. If he's surprised to see you in bed with him, you'll never know, because his face remains passive. He mumbles something about upping your pay, then falls back to sleep.

You don't even know where your underwear is.

You eventually do find it, you clean up and get dressed. At some point Leona finally gets up, pulling his boxers on but nothing else. His tail waves lazily behind him.

You try to bring up last night, but he starts digging through his pile of clothes and tosses a wallet at you.

"There'd be trouble if word got out, so I'm counting you to keep your mouth shut, got it, Herbivore?"

You just nod and try to leave as subtly as possible.

Below the cut is 18+ content. Tread with caution.

For my afab readers out there, the extra money is also for you to find last minute contraceptives. He wouldn't know the first thing about buying them himself, but figures you should, right? All he knows is that he came in you. A lot. And he definitely can't afford the consequences, and he doesn't want you to either.

You both expect to brush it all off, put it all behind you.

But uh

Leona finds him thinking about you more. Specifically when he's horny. And it's fucking annoying. So, once again, he decides to go about his tried and true method of throwing money at someone to deal with it.

He contacts you again and says (in the blunt Leona way) that he will pay you to keep going to events with him and also fuck him.

So now you've got the lil sugar daddy transaction going on. You join him to socials and events with his family, then he takes you to bed and fucks all his frustrations out on you.

Typically has you on all fours or bouncing on his cock. Man's has two modes: pillow princess or beast mode. Typically one followed by the other.

He'll be lounging on bed while you ride him. You'll get yourself off on his cock. And while your panting, he's shifting to grab you. He'll whisper in your ear I'm not done yet, herbivore, and suddenly he's pounding into you like a jackhammer.

Or it'll be a session of relentless pounding, but one of you wants more, so he'll lay back and have you ride him.

There are times where you'll both be exhausted (or in his case, where he doesn't want to exert as much effort) but he still insists that you keep going. Really, he just likes being inside you. Don't be surprised when you wake up sleeping on his chest, dick still inside you.

And he refuses to use condoms, he wants to cum inside you, and he fucking will. And he fucking does. A lot.

And if you're afab he absolutely makes sure you're on the best contraceptive plan possible.

He may tear any condoms he sees to pieces, but he still tries to be a safe sex king. Just don't make him wear the fucking rubber, unless you really wanna get fUCKED up that night. They make him so irrationally angry.

Or maybe there is some rationality to it. Maybe it's an instinct thing.

Over the course of the transactional relationship you really become his herbivore. He actively seeks you out for company. Like to the point Ruggie has not only noticed it, but become accustomed to it. Which also means he has teased Leona about it, though not often and a lot, because Leona seems oddly touchy about it...

Speaking of touchy, mans is so handsy with you, always has to be holding you in some way. Later on in the relationship, he started getting cheeky with it, and there have been a few times where you'd swat him and he'd just shoot you that wry smile. He will always move his hand, though, when you express discomfort or discontent. He only does it because he can tell you don't really hate it. You're mostly just embarrassed. And he likes the way you blush.

Will prob do a part 2 because I have more ideas but they're not nsfw and I want to make them available. Sooooooo... yeah.

[treasureyourfire]

~ Where is my Soulmate? ~

Welcome Souls~

I am sending my new pick a pile reading for you.~

We often have to travel a long way to find our eternal, romantic soulmate/divine partner. The road leads through struggles, wounds, lessons and healing. We think about where they are, what they do, what their life is like, when we finally find eachother...

I think, "when" is malleable. The decisions we make, how we shape our lives and ourselves can influence it, and perhaps that's more important where we go with our own growth until we meet them. That's why I didn't get into that in the readings.

Choose the image(s) that attracts you the most. Accept from the messages what you can identify with, and let go of the rest~

Illustrations belongs to Jumo.Art (Facebook, Instagramm, Etsy)

Reminder:

* These are not gender-specific readings, I use They/Them pronouns. * These are collective, timeless readings for entertaintment. * I am not a professional reader and readings that I do are a part of my learning process. * The tarot can provide guidance, but you manage your own life according to your free will. Feel free to keep what resonates, and let go of what doesn’t.~ * (English is not my mother language, sorry for the mistakes.)

To what extent are You ready to receive your soulmate? Four of Pentacles, Page of Wands, Sun, Four of Cups, Hierophant

Dear Soul! In this period of your life, you are/have been striving for security, balance, and stability. You plan for the long term, for durability. You focus on building your foundations: it can be your home, your financial situation or your physical body, your health. You are an honest, straightforward person, but cautious. In the past period, you may have closed yourself off a bit to protect everything that is important to you and that you fought for. Maybe you just settled somewhere. You cling to a secure foundation both on the earthly and spiritual planes. At first, under the surface, which may seem stoic and serious, lives a dreamy, enthusiastic, artistic soul with a rich world of emotions. You are ready to use your creativity to develop and enrich yourself with new experiences. Recently, you are starting to open up to the world and come out of your shell. You want to shine like the Sun, enjoy life obliviously, fulfill yourself in it, get the most out of yourself. I feel that your circumstances give you the opportunity to do so. Despite this, you still have moments of skepticism when you feel uncertain. Sometimes you still think about things that didn't go according to your plans. Your experiences and relationships so far have not satisfied your desires and needs, and you cannot really believe that something better than what you experienced in the past can awaits you. However, something that is pure, a sincere gift may appear to you, you just have to break down the barriers built around you and learn to trust again, to believe that the universe -or what you believe in- supports you and encourages you to look at the bigger picture. You are dedicated, you strive to create lasting values in your relationships as well. You would like to share your long-term goals and desires with the right partner to whom you would commit yourself for life. You are looking for a spiritual unity/bond that is solid, where you receive emotional security, mutual trust, intimacy, in which you support and inspire each other, and you can develop together, solving difficulties together.

To what extent are They ready to receive you? Ten of Cups, Eight of Pentacles

Fully! I smile and it fills me with joy when I look at your soulmate’s cards. They are full of love and enthusiasm, they long for a family, a happy home full of laughter and abundance, with you. They think of you as a team, in which they would support you in everything as an equal partner. Maybe lately they have been a little more immersed in their work or other personal projects, but if you find each other, they'll be just as dedicated to your relationship. Maybe they will feel that they have to work for your trust, but they don't mind. They have persistent, hardworking personality. Thoughtful, patient, humble, attentive to details, not intrusive. They will pay attention to you, your signals and what you need. Maybe they will shower you with gifts (if this is what you want), if they see that you like this way of expressing their emotions to you. Maybe they also have an artistic vein, like to create with their hands, and will surprise you with they self-made works. I sense that your soulmate is eager to welcome you into their life, but at the same time they are trying to wait patiently until you are ready to come to them of your own free will.

What symbols and signs will indicate to you that your soulmate is nearby? Knight of Cups

Helmet - It may sounds funny, but I mean a kind of Gallic helmet what the characters wearing in the Asterix stories. Wings (can even be a car emblem) Horse - winged pegasus or earth horse, may be in color white Silver and Blue colors could also dominate. Fish (including goldfish, koi), scales, scaly pattern, wave pattern, Japanese-style waves, which can often be seen in tattoos

When I saw the card, I felt as if my lungs were filled with fresh air. A clean, soothing feeling. I was relieved. Or as if a sip of cool, fresh, clean water had washed my throat. Maybe you will experience similar feelings when you meet them.

Where and under what circumstances will you meet? King of Swords, Tower, Three of Pentacles, Page of Swords

A situation where you need knowledge, wisdom, good judgment, clarity, rationality, good communication skills, clear communication, maybe leadership or organizational skills (you two don't necessarily have to be in a leadership role, but a person of this role can be present). Perhaps in circumstance where there is a sudden change, an unexpected task arises. It maybe include a light tower, but this is a bit special, of course this cannot apply to everyone, the image just flashed in front of me. Planning, re-planning/building (because of the Tower card), learning, discussion, consultation, teamwork, team building. Maybe, possible misunderstandings and doubts should be clarified, the fog should be dispelled with an objective view. Honest, open communication will be required.

Advice: What to focus your energy on in other areas of your life until you meet: Moon, Ace of Cups

Let yourself sink into the depths. The Moon gently asks you to examine your fears in the darkness surrounding you. It invites you to turn inward, do introspection and self-research. All feelings, traumas, ideas, picked-up or learned patterns that intimidate, unsettle and hold you back are hidden in this subconscious depth. Examine what is preventing you from welcoming love (back) into your life, be it romantic or of any kind. By uncovering these barriers in yourself, renewal and healing can begin, and you can open up again to the love that awaits you from both yourself, from the outside world, from your future soulmate. In the quiet retreat, you can prepare yourself for development, for moving on, rebuild your faith in a better future and fill your own cup before coming to the surface again.

To what extent are You ready to receive your soulmate? Reversed Six of Swords, Seven of Cups, Two of Swords, Temperance, The Fool

Dear Soul! You had to get yourself out of a difficult situation. You had a strong resistance to moving on. You may have been haunted by excessive caution, overburden, mistrust (even paranoia) in the past period. You lived in fear, and this internal struggle hindered your progress and development. There was confusion in you and around you. You were unsure of your possibilities, you couldn't determine what your true calling was, what would take you forward, what you could trust, and what was false or (self-)delusional. Maybe it only applies to a small percentage of you who chose the second picture, but maybe someone clouded your clarity with illusions and took away your confidence, maybe gaslighted you. You were confused and waiting for someone or something to rescue you from your hopelessness. You had to make a difficult decision. You needed to exclude all kinds of illusions and external influences, to silence the chaos and your fears in your thoughts in order to find your inner voice. You wanted to finally see clearly and continue your life more consciously. Over time, you overcame your difficulties, the hoped-for enlightenment arrived, you managed to make the decision and move on. The Sun is rising on the horizon for you, an ascension is coming in your life. You are relieved, you are on the road to recovery. Your outer and inner worlds are beginning to harmonize. After a thorough self-examination, you now see yourself more objectively and manage your emotions more consciously. In your bundle you carry your experiences and lessons with you, but you have left the past behind you, you do not let it continue to chain you down. The most important thing is that you are finally free. I wish that the new beginning fills your heart with hope and confidence, and that the knowledge of that you were able to overcome the difficulties gives you the strength to embark on the next, much happier phase of your life that awaits you.

To what extent are They ready to receive you? Four of Swords, Queen of Wands

It seems that your divine partner is resting after a difficult period too, consider things while they are healing (or just recently the healing phase is coming to an end for them). For them, the primary goal during this period is to regenerate and recharge their batteries. They must regain their strength and their love of life. First, they must warm up their own soul, so later, when your paths cross they can invigorate you with their pleasurable personality, and after that, as your relationship deepens, they can embrace you with their caring, devoted warmth. They need to gather courage and fix their self-confidence so that they can see the future more optimistically. It is necessary for them to turn inward now, they must process and understand their own emotions and what happened to them, so that later they can trust their intuition again, which will lead them to you.

What symbols and signs will indicate to you that your soulmate is nearby? King of Swords, Seven of Pentacles, Three of Pentacles

Sword, dagger Butterfly Crown Frog Flying bird(s) Pentagram, star a Ring (jewelry) what you maybe find in an unusual place or one that has one of the listed symbols on it Crescent moon Reaping hook Bunch of grapes Flowers for decoration/ornament/sticker, bouquet the color Blue can play a role

Where and under what circumstances will you meet? Ace of Cups

It seems like a place close to nature, near water, maybe next to a lake, where water lilies float on the water, or in a park, maybe by a fountain (perhaps with coins in it), in company of birds, where you can feed them. A sound of a small bell. I don't know where the jingle came from, but it has a nice, cheerful sound. Maybe you'll hear a similar sound when you meet eachother. You will meet at a time when you are both ready to accept new emotions, a new relationship, when you have reached the appropriate phase of self-care, practicing self-love, when you can give because you have taken care of filling your own cups.

Advice: What to focus your energy on in other areas of your life until you meet: Nine of Cups, Ace of Swords, Reversed Six of Cups, Strength

Take care of yourself, celebrate! Enjoy what you have achieved, reward yourself! Take advantage of the clearing of your thoughts. Let the new ideas and inspirations take you away. You can start to opening up to new communications, new acquaintances and opportunities. Sometimes you may even be filled with nostalgic feelings, which make you play with the idea: "Everything was good in the beginning." "Everything could be like that again." Please don't turn back! Avoid people with energy/vibe that reminds you of the old ones. Stay aware, leave the past in the past, don't nurture old things, ideas, relationships that you have already outgrown for your own benefit, that no longer serve you, they only drain your energy from your present and your future. Try to transform your experience into your strength. Nurture the inner strength to move forward, turn to yourself and your shadows with patience and understanding. Maybe you need to heal your inner child/teen, give yourself the care and love you need and desire. You have endless opportunities to grow and develop, you have the resources you need for further healing, and to tame and silence those shadow creatures that would encourage you to repeat old patterns. Hang in there for yourself, for your recovery.

To what extent are you ready to receive your soulmate? Queen of Wands, Reversed Hierophant, Ten of Cups, Reversed Eight of Wands, Reversed Moon

Dear Soul!

You are full of fire and passion. Confident, creative, intense, emotional, warm-hearted, devoted. You are aware of your values ​​and you are looking for the king/queen in whom you can find an equal partner, who is strong enough to walk beside you, with whom you can create your own empire, like proud lions.

You long to experience all forms and heights of happiness, as well as the feeling of completeness and fulfillment, with a true, supportive partner.

You want this in such a form that you can keep your personal freedom and independence. You don't necessarily desire the bond of marriage in order to meet expected traditions and/or social expectations on paper. Perhaps you have already had a bad experience in the past, disappointment, breakup, divorce, a relationship that did not satisfy you spiritually and emotionally, where your soul could not soar.

Yet you would give your whole heart if you could find your soulmate, the ally with whom you could finally establish a home and live your life in abundance and overflowing love.

Yet there is something that holds you back, paralyzes you. There is an inner tension in you because you want to move forward, but you can't. Things around you are not going the way you want them to. Something always gets in the way, breaks your momentum, your sense of purpose. Whether there are obstacles in the physical world or internal obstacles that do not allow you to continue on the path to your soulmate, they also prevent you from fully opening up and becoming receptive to this attachment.

The voices of anxiety, fear, and uncertainty suppress your own inner voice, which would show you the way to your truer life. To unlock and release this inner barrier, you must turn inward, dive into the darkness, find the source of your fears, and examine it to see clearly. Just observe them in silence, if you let go of the struggle against them, accept their presence, the light of enlightenment may even reach you sooner. Maybe you need a quiet, meditative retreat to find your inner compass, the light of the Moon that illuminates the path you can follow.

To what extent are They ready to receive you? Eight of Cups, Reversed King of Wands, Reversed Three of Wands, Reversed Nine of Pentacles

Meanwhile, your soulmate also tries to move on with difficult feelings and to leave their past, everything that no longer serves them. A period ended for them, and they set out on a new path towards the unknown. There are several challenges ahead of them that they must overcome to reach the top of the mountain, but despite their doubts, a small inner flame drives them on.

For me, the Reversed King of Wands usually does not reveal excessive aggression, but rather a lack of self-confidence, battered confidence. I sense a restless energy from them, like from you.

They obsessively wants to accomplish, or stubbornly sticks to an idea, maybe that’s why they don't listen to their intuition. Maybe that's why it's hard for them to adapt to their changed circumstances.

A new world opened up to them, but they not very optimistic about it. They doubt and hesitate, even though they have all the potential to take control of their life, they just need to rediscover that ability and determination within themself. They really need commitment now to start over. They need to examine their options with foresight, carefully plan their journey and prepare for it before making further decisions. They should not make decisions out of haste or thoughtlessness, and they maybe unwilling, but have to accept the intentions of others to help.

They strives for financial independence and longs for abundance so that they can give the best to their loved ones. They want a stable life where they don't depend on anyone and can enjoy the fruits of their hard work.

What symbols and signs will indicate to you that your soulmate is nearby? Page of Pentacles, Reversed Four of Cups

Pentagram, star

A specific Coin or Jewelry (maybe with one of the listed symbols on it)

Object of longing/admiration - what you get for yourself, or you find something you've been looking for, something you wanted to deal with, something you wanted to know more about, something you admire

Palm tree – (Eggsecutor jumped in my mind, maybe you or them are in the Pokemon fandom but not necessarily)

Unexpected gift/opportunity - You will find a new opportunity/offer that will shake you out of your dullness

Where and under what circumstances will you meet? Reversed Eight of Pentacles

I feel like there is a forced break in this situation. Restrictive circumstances or financial difficulties may play a role in work or study.

Like:

Job interview, job searching, go to employment office, work break, any kind of break in education, forced leave, slow administration/work, long line, long waiting, enrolling in a course, suspended/cancelled/missed/postponed event/course/workshop, unfinished business.

Advice: What to focus your energy on in other areas of your life until you meet: Knight of Wands, Reversed Five of Wands, Reversed Queen of Pentacles

You probably would not like to hear this, but; Patience, dear Soul. You really want this person who can make a difference in your life. You are bubbling with action, you are thirsty for new, exciting experiences, but in order to move away from the dead end, you need to channel your energies into a healthy channel. "Great excitement can also result in a stressful situation that prevents a well-considered decision and correct action." If you get carried away by the intensity, you can get involved in conflicts that don't move you forward, they just eat up your vitality. You need patience, persistence and sanity. It's worth avoiding or not taking stressful situations too seriously, rather use the power of your inner fire to overcome your own internal battles to get closer to what you really want to create. During this period, it is important to sort out restless energies to avoid burnout. Ground yourself, let the flames subside, rest for a while, seek stability. It’s important to take care of your health. Take care of yourself, you need the right physical and mental nourishment to find your center. Think about what foods and nutrients you take in, pay attention to your body's signals. Try meditative activities/techniques that you like, seek contact with nature, be it a walk in the park or time spent with animals, do creative activities, anything what you feel that helps you to relax.

The reading is permeated by the energy of the number 888. A phase of both of your lives is coming to an end so that something much better can begin for you. Abundance and harmony is headed your way, just keep going. You have to prepare and go through some trials, but if you are committed and open to transformation, you will definitely get closer and closer to your desired goals and to each other.

[signanothername]

If someone had found baby corrupted nightmare and taken him in, raised him, like, say for example, blue, how differently do you think everything would have ended up?

(*COUGH COUGH* totally not just pushing my dad swap agenda nope nuh uh *COUGH*)

i just imagine nightmare sneaking into his room at night to curl up near his bed like a dog, and IMMEDIATELY skedaddling when he senses him wake up.

This poor kid is freshly dead (alive? Born?) he is in Desperate need of comfort 💀 but it's not like he's gonna ask for it outright.

And i horrendously need someone to hold him and give him warm food and new clothes and toys to play with and blankets and tuck him in at night and Hold Him and feed him medicine when he's sick and read hin bedtime stories and rock him to sleep and give him a comfort plushie or blanket or item of sorts and HOLD HIM and-

ahem, so anyway, what do you think? How differently do you think he would've ended up? Cuz i think it'd be a lot different if nightmare was shown care by someone for once and comforted by someone who wasn't a fellow traumatized six year old.

And, yknow, was an adult who knew what they were doing and didn't hate him for no reason 💀

Ooooh :D

Yeah I definitely think he would’ve grown up a much different person, cause he wouldn’t have relied on himself to survive, he wouldn’t experience the constant fear of the many ways he could get hurt or die

He definitely wouldn’t have starved on negativity cause he didn’t know how to balance it anymore

And if he was actually raised by a loving parent that’s actually present in his life to guide him through it enough to find a healthy outlet for the horrors he experienced, as well as help him with his emotional, mental, and physical health a lot better, his life would be a lot easier

I think he still would be a lot more grumpy and a bit aggressive than he was before the corruption, and the Apple incident would still have a great impact on his psyche, he’d still hold a bit of fear inside, but that fear won’t end up guiding all his actions, and it definitely wouldn’t lead to him becoming power hungry, doing whatever he deems necessary to obtain it

Hell, even with how the corruption twists his happiness from something pure to finding joy in the misery of others, I still think with a loving parent raising him, he will find healthy outlets to his emotions, whatever they may be

I think he might eventually tell his parent figure about what happened with him, with his mother, with his twin, maybe even Dream would find himself in a lot better circumstances when he awakens from stone, finding a brother patiently awaiting him, finding himself waking up in warm welcoming arms, I definitely think it’ll contribute to the twins’ relationship being a lot better, a lot healthier

Their trauma would still put a few wrenches in their journey, but it definitely wouldn’t go so sour and bitter, Nightmare would be a lot more open towards Dream’s love and affection, hatred won’t taint his heart and cause their relationship to go so wrong

Generally, I definitely think it’ll be a lot more fluffy and slice of life-ish, which is super wholesome to think about

Now as for Blue specifically being the father figure, only two words, FUCK YES.

But I feel like, as a very traumatized lil child who doesn’t know any better, who had adults hate, hurt and even try to kill him, Nightmare would simply not trust Swap, not immediately

So it’d be really fun to see Nightmare actually warm up to Swap first way before he takes Nightmare in to raise and take care of him, it’d be fun to see what Swap might do to gain Nightmare’s trust enough for Nightmare to even let him within 10 meters without running away immediately or attacking him

May I also present some suggestions for another parental figure that could be really fun to explore? Color, I’d love to see him take care of a little newly corrupted Nightmare dhhdhdhd

Anyway *cough* this is such an adorable possible multiverse *cough*

[jo-harrington]

Blueberry Muffin (Eddie Munson x Reader)

Summary: Eddie notices you're good at sharing your food. A little too good.

Pairings/Relationships: Older!Eddie Munson/Reader

Warnings/Themes: Established relationship, Food/Eating, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Brief mention of financial concerns, Discussion of trauma from previous relationships

Note: This is something entirely personal to me, it was something my ex did one-upon-a-time ago. But, like with everything else, Eddie Munson is a powerful tool to help you get over some of your issues. This fic might not be the best, but it helped me work through some old issues. And I'm pretty proud of that.

Shoutout to @undead-supernova who inspired me to write this while we were chatting about her excellent fic We Are Going To Be Friends, and @dr-aculaaa who is one of my lifetime mutual trauma ride-or-dies and told me my ex was actually trash (and they were trash).

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

---

If there was one thing that was the key to yours and Eddie's relationship, it was food.

Before there even had been a relationship, food had been one of the keystones of your friendship. You met at a friend's thanksgiving potluck, you always planned your outings around where you'd eat and the snacks you’d get, and during the group road trip up to Milwaukee for Mac and Cheese Fest, he'd finally gotten the courage to ask you out.

Food was life. You both agreed.

You were always good about sharing your food.

You, as in the two of you, sure. But specifically you.

It wasn't until the two of you were together and spent more time alone with each other that Eddie realized just how good you were at sharing.

Actually, good wasn't the right word.

Meticulous was more accurate.

If you took a bite of his burger when you went out for dinner, he had to have a bite of your pasta.

If you bought a pint of ice cream to share during movie night, you matched each bite spoon for spoon. However, if after a certain point of sharing he insisted that you could have the rest of the pint because it was your favorite flavor, the pint would inevitably make it back into the freezer without another spoonful taken.

On and on it went.

He tried to ignore it, but once he noticed it, it was hard not to.

At first, he thought that it was some relic of a less-than well-off childhood. Like Eddie, you'd grown up with a single parent and were occasionally foisted off on well-intentioned relatives to watch you while your mom worked. Thankfully, food was never scarce for either of you, but the fact that you'd been forced to grow up quicker than the others made you aware of generic-branded groceries and your mothers stretching their dollars and the pursing of lips when the bills came for special occasion meals out.

After a while, though, that reasoning disappeared. Yes, there were still habits that you formed from your mother's frugality but never to the point of anxiety.

This was something else.

And it all came to a head the day you brought home a bag of leftovers from work.

"Tom always orders too much when the execs visit the warehouse," you explained excitedly as you proudly showed off a plastic container of some gourmet salad and a few wax paper-wrapped sandwiches.

Then came the pastries.

A cherry danish you grabbed for Eddie specifically, and a pistachio-cream filled croissant that Eddie had heard you gush about a million times over. A few tiny cream puffs that both of you eagerly popped into your mouths.

And one blueberry muffin.

"Oh!" You faltered at the sight of it and then looked back into the obviously empty paper bag. "I thought there had been two."

"That's ok," Eddie shrugged. "We can just split it."

"No!" you snapped at him, your eyes wide. "You can have it."

"Sweetheart, I know you love muffins as much as I do," Eddie scoffed. "We'll just split it. No big deal. It's a pretty big muffin."

He watched as you worried at your lower lip for a long, drawn out moment before you nodded.

He kissed the side of your head and turned to grab plates and drinks. He carried as much as he could out to the living room so you could eat dinner in front of the TV. When he returned to your side to grab the food and start plating up your plunder, he stopped in his tracks at what he found.

Splitting a muffin was a no-brainer, typically. Or so Eddie thought. Just peel the paper lining and split that sucker in half. But there you stood, knife held in a shaky hand, shifting back and forth a few millimeters every so often, trying to find the exact equator of the confection before you so it could be cut in equal halves.

"What are you doing?" Eddie asked as gently as he could, but you still flinched, and when you looked up at him, your eyes looked glassy.

"Just cutting the muffin in half," you tried to laugh and play it off, but Eddie could see through the facade.

"It's just a muffin," he tried to offer, as though reminding you that it was, indeed, just a muffin would break you from this fit.

"It is," you looked down again, almost in shame. "Isn't it?"

He let you have a second, let you put the knife down and take a few deep breaths to calm yourself. When you nodded and held yourself a little more confidently, Eddie closed the distance and split the muffin in half by hand, right down the middle along the score line you had started.

And he pretended that he didn't notice the way you'd held your breath while he did it.

"Let's have dinner then," he suggested.

---

"You gonna tell me what all that was about?" Eddie asked once dinner was almost over, his mouth full of cherry danish, crumbs spewing from his lips as he spoke.

You ignored him for a second, picked at your own laminated pastry, until he continued.

"You know I always thought your mom really hammered the sharing is caring thing with you. But you went full King Solomon on that muffin and...I know that look in your eyes because I've seen it in the mirror a ton of times. That was fear. That was pain. So, are we gonna talk about it?"

You sighed and considered telling him no, you wouldn't be telling him jack shit, but...how many times had you pried into things that you really had no place asking about and he still told you anyway. That's how communication worked; that's how a relationship worked.

And that was how you got into this mess wasn't it?

"You remember my shitty ex?" you began tentatively, with a question.

"Shitty ex Number 1," Eddie scoffed. "Or shitty ex Number 2?"

"Number two."

"Should've known," he said under his breath but nodded for you to continue. "Alright, so what else did they do?"

Because the list had been...extensive already, you were loath to admit.

But you were with Eddie now, and things were infinitely better. You could work through these hurdles with him.

"It all started when we still worked at the mall together," you began. "Before we even started dating, actually. We'd meet on breaks and shoot the shit and one day, the little bakery only had one blueberry muffin."

You glared at the split muffin sitting on a plate on the coffee table, as though it was at fault, and not your ex.

"We decided to split it. Nothing wrong with that. We only had a fifteen, it was just a snack. But when they went to split the muffin...they took the muffin top, and left me with the stump."

"The...stump?" Eddie asked slowly, unable to comprehend.

"Yeah," you leaned forward and tapped on the base of the muffin that had previously been encased in paper. "The stump."

"That's...only assholes split a muffin that way." He paused and considered it. "But it's Shitty Ex Number Two. So I shouldn't expect anything less."

"I didn't think anything of it then," you continued. "Or the next hundred times we split a blueberry muffin on breaks, even when we started dating. They would always get the delicious, crispy, sugary muffin top, and I would always get the stump. Half-clinging to the wrapper, maybe a blueberry burned on the bottom. Never an equal half, always less-than!

"Until one day, there was this especially delicious looking muffin. It wasn't even at the mall, we were on a real date! At a real, nice bakery. With blueberry muffins, because that was our thing, and I made the mistake of asking if I could have the muffin top. Just once. And they looked at me like...like I just asked them to sacrifice their mother or something."

You felt your lip tremble, and the familiar sting of tears in your eyes.

That sense of loathing that you always felt when you thought of that moment, or really any time you got a blueberry muffin.

You took a breath and said, "they just told me that if I really loved them, I would let them have the damn muffin top. Because it was their favorite."

"That's bullshit!" Eddie got to his feet, arms thrown up in the air. "Sorry sweetheart, that's bullshit and, I'm sorry but, you deserved so much better. You deserve to have half a muffin. Half of the whole muffin, not just the stump. Fuck, you deserve the whole damn muffin yourself! It’s just a muffin!"

"I know!" You shouted back at him, causing him to stop his ranting and raving. "Don't you think I know that? It’s just a muffin and I shouldn’t have had to make myself accept less than what I deserved but it was the first in a long line of things where they made me feel like I wasn’t worth half. I wasn’t worth anything. And if I tried to prove that I was, to them and to myself, I would look crazy. Because it’s just a muffin.

“That's why I started...that's why I started taking what I deserved. I started taking half, instead of giving everything Eddie. If you get a bite, I get a bite. With everything. Because I deserve it!"

You thought of the way you had to meticulously tried to split the blueberry muffin earlier.

"Maybe...maybe I take it a little too far sometimes," you muttered, letting the tears finally fall. "Because I don't want to be selfish like they were, and take more from you than you deserve."

"Baby," Eddie dropped back onto the couch and corralled you into his embrace, pecking kisses to the side of your head. "Who fucking cares? Don't worry about me. Shit, I'll give you anything you want. I'll take anything you leave behind. I'll give you my whole cheeseburger at Benny's, if only you asked for it. And if you left me one singular pickle chip, I'd take it without complaint."

"I would never ask you," you laughed wetly.

“No, but you could ask, that’s the point. And I would give it to you.”

"I know I could. And I know you would...I just...I can't break myself from the habit. Not yet, at least."

"I get it," Eddie said into your hair as he continued dropping kisses. "The shitty exes leave their scars and you do your best to keep from opening the wounds up again. I get it."

You knew. You both had your fair share of scars.

---

It took a few minutes, as you basked in one another's comforting presence, before you inevitably shared the damn muffin you brought home. Eddie insisted on letting you take an extra bit off his muffin top, even when you rolled your eyes and told him to stop.

Neither of you brought it up again for a few days, but you both were a little more conscientious when you shared food.

You made nachos for his Friday night DnD session with the guys and he left you the core nacho that held everything together; it was extra gooey with cheese, and loaded with jalapeños. You made sure to take an extra big bite of his pint of rocky road when he offered, even if he didn't want a single bite of your rum raisin. And when it was his turn to take bites of your food, you didn't pay attention to how much or how little he took.

It still felt a little wrong, but it was insanely healing. You didn't need to worry about keeping things fair and equal with Eddie; your relationship was already fair and you were equals.

And of course, Eddie kept your revelation at the forefront of his mind to hold you accountable to your own bullshit. He noticed when you fell into old habits before you could and even came up with a form of punishment if you subconsciously made sure to take the same number of bites off a shared plate as he did:

He would give you a vegetable off his plate.

"I'm not a fan of broccoli anyway," he grinned cheekily, waving his fork with the aforementioned green in front of your face one night at dinner.

"You're an idiot," you shook your head, but took the bite regardless.

It was slow and steady, but you were getting over the hurdle together.

Then one day, the unexpected happened.

You were at work, doing your little mindless computer work as you did, when your coworker called your name from the front of the office.

"Is it your birthday or something?" Jill laughed as she hauled something through the sea of cubicles.

"No, did someone get me flowers or something?" you asked and stood from your desk to meet her halfway.

"You can't eat flowers," she said as she turned the corner, holding a massive basket.

Full of blueberry muffins.

You didn't need to read the card tied to the cellophane-wrapped basket full of baked goods to know who it was from, but you did anyway to satisfy your coworkers' curiosity.

And they didn't quite understand it, but it made your heart melt.

I didn't ask if they sold a basket of only the tops, because I didn't want them to think either of us were sociopaths. It’s just a blueberry muffin. But you're worth every muffin in this damn basket, sweetheart. Never forget that. Love, Eddie

[unboundprompts]

Hello! Can you help me and/or give me examples of how to write a pre-teen? Specifically a slightly mature for their age but still socially-awkward, selfless, empathetic, extroverted 10-year-old

How to Write a Pre-Teen

Voice and Language

Simple but specific vocabulary: Pre-teens might not use very complex words, but they often know and throw in some “big words” they’ve recently learned or mimic words they hear adults use. Don’t overdo it, though—they’ll often misapply or half-understand these terms, which can create natural, humorous moments.

“It’s totally, like, a catastrophe that I forgot my project.”

Expressive dialogue: Pre-teens are enthusiastic and often exaggerate. They can also shift quickly between emotions, from excitement to frustration.

“That was the best movie ever!” might turn into “Actually, I mean, it was kinda boring in some parts, but, you know, overall…”

Thoughtful yet blunt: Kids this age often haven’t fully learned the “filters” adults use. They can be direct and say things that are surprisingly insightful or unexpectedly honest.

Thoughts and Perspective

Developing identity and opinions: They’re beginning to form their own beliefs but still echo the views of family, teachers, or friends.

“Mom says people should never lie, but I wonder if little lies are okay if they help people feel better…”

Questioning and introspective moments: Pre-teens are curious about life, relationships, and “big ideas.” They may ask questions, but sometimes keep their deep thoughts to themselves, exploring them internally.

“If friends are supposed to be there for each other, why do I feel alone even when they’re around?”

Struggle with abstract concepts: At this age, they’re just beginning to understand abstract ideas like justice or friendship but often approach them in straightforward, literal ways.

Behavior and Actions

Impulsivity and energy: They might shift quickly between activities and emotions, getting distracted or excited without much control over it. They may also blurt out ideas or act before thinking, especially if they’re extroverted.

For instance, a character might immediately jump up to help someone even if they aren’t sure what to do, or they might “borrow” something without fully considering the consequences.

Physical awkwardness: Pre-teens can be a bit clumsy as they’re still growing into their bodies. This can lead to endearing, awkward moments.

They might knock something over, trip over their own feet, or feel self-conscious in ways that show they’re still figuring themselves out physically as well as socially.

Friendships and Social Dynamics

Navigating social rules: Pre-teens are very aware of social “rules” but may not fully understand them. This is an age when they care a lot about what their friends think, but they’re also just beginning to question these dynamics.

A pre-teen might want to befriend the “cool” kids but feel conflicted when they realize their values don’t align. Or they may try too hard to impress friends and feel self-conscious afterward.

Conflicted loyalties: Friendships are often intense at this age, and they might struggle with conflicting feelings if friends argue or if they feel left out.

“I really like hanging out with Sarah, but I know Emma doesn’t. Maybe if I can make them both laugh, we could all just… get along?”

Small gestures: Pre-teens often show they care in understated ways, like sharing snacks, giving a small gift, or cheering someone up when they’re down. For a socially-awkward pre-teen, these gestures may come out clumsy but sweet.

Insecurity and Self-Awareness

Self-consciousness mixed with bravery: Pre-teens often fluctuate between trying to fit in and wanting to stand out. They might do something brave but then doubt themselves or quickly retreat if things don’t go as planned.

For instance, a character might volunteer to speak in front of the class only to feel panicked once they’re in the spotlight.

Hyper-awareness of themselves and others: They’re beginning to notice how others perceive them and may get flustered easily or worry about little things, like if their clothes look okay or if they sounded silly.

“I shouldn’t have laughed like that… I bet everyone thought I sounded so weird.”

Joking as a defense: Pre-teens often use humor to cope, covering up their awkwardness or discomfort by making jokes.

Reactions to Conflict and Emotion

Quick emotional shifts: They might go from laughing to frustrated to embarrassed in just a few minutes. They feel emotions intensely and may have outbursts or react strongly to things adults might dismiss as minor.

Heroic ideals vs. real-world disappointments: Many pre-teens have an idealized view of right and wrong, fairness, and heroism, and they may be disappointed when things don’t align with these ideals. They’re just starting to understand that people aren’t all good or all bad.

“I don’t get it… why would she lie about something like that? Friends are supposed to be honest!”

[bulldogblues]

I seriously need to read this whole book some time. The entire post is great but this paragraph is the crux of the problem:

Therapy typically will not address any of the central causes of abusiveness, including entitlement, coercive control, disrespect, superiority, selfishness, or victim blaming.

The reason why abusers almost never change is precisely because of this- they feel entitled to treating their partner like this, or entitled to perks and benefits at their partner's expense and don't care about the means they use to get it.

If someone has a deep-seated belief that they're entitled to special treatment and that others have a duty to give it to them, it is very, very difficult to ever get that to change. Because any change will, in their eyes, see them 'losing out'.

And while this can happen in relationships of any gender make-up, in the context of heterosexual relationships specifically you essentially have a whole society telling the man that he's justified in feeling entitled and deserving of that special treatment, and looking down on the woman who doesn't provide that.

“The more psychotherapy an abusive man has participated in, the more impossible I usually find it is to work with him.

 The highly “therapized” abuser tends to be slick, condescending, and manipulative. He uses the psychological concepts

he has learned to dissect his partner’s flaws and dismiss her perceptions of abuse. He takes responsibility for nothing that he does; he moves in a world where there are only unfortunate dynamics, miscommunications, symbolic acts. He expects to be rewarded for his emotional openness, handled gingerly because of his “vulnerability,” colluded with in skirting the damage he has done, and congratulated for his insight.  Many years ago, a violent abuser in my program shared the following with us: “From working in therapy on my issues about anger toward my mother, I realized that when I punched my wife, it wasn’t really her I was hitting. It was my mother!” He sat back, ready for us to express our approval of his self-awareness. My colleague

peered through his glasses at the man, unimpressed by this revelation. “No,” he said, “you were hitting your wife.”

 I have yet to meet an abuser who has made any meaningful and lasting changes in his behavior toward female partners through therapy, regardless of how much “insight”—most of it false—that he may have gained. The fact is that if an abuser finds a particularly skilled therapist and if the therapy is especially successful, when he is finished he will be a happy, well-adjusted abuser—good news for him, perhaps, but not such good news for his partner. Psychotherapy can be very valuable for the issues it is devised to address, but partner abuse is not one of them; an abusive man needs to be in a specialized program.

Therapy focuses on the man’s feelings and gives him empathy and support, no matter how unreasonable the attitudes that are giving rise to those feelings. An abusive man’s therapist usually will not speak to the abused woman, whereas the counselor of a high-quality abuser program always does.

 Therapy typically will not address any of the central causes of abusiveness, including entitlement, coercive control, disrespect, superiority, selfishness, or victim blaming.

 It is also impossible to persuade an abusive man to change by convincing him that he would benefit from it, because he perceives the benefits of controlling his partner as vastly outweighing the losses. This is part of why so many men initially take steps to change their abusive behavior but then return to their old ways. There is another reason why appealing to his self-interest doesn’t work: The abusive man’s belief that his own needs should come ahead of his partner’s is at the core of his problem.

 Therefore when anyone, including therapists, tells an abusive man that he should change because that’s what’s best for him, they are inadvertently feeding his selfish focus on himself: You can’t simultaneously contribute to a problem and solve it.

 Women speak to me with shocked voices of betrayal as they tell me how their couples therapist, or the abuser’s individual therapist, or a therapist for one of their children, has become a vocal advocate for him and a harsh and superior critic of her. I have saved for years a letter that a psychologist wrote about one of my clients, a man who admitted to me that his wife was covered with blood and had broken bones when he was done beating her and that she could have died. The psychologist’s letter ridiculed the system for labeling this man a “batterer,” saying that he was too reasonable and insightful and should not be participating in my abuser program any further.

 The content of the letter indicated to me that the psychologist had neglected to ever ask the client to describe the brutal beating that he had been convicted of.

As a routine part of my assessment of an abusive man, I contacted his private therapist to compare impressions. The therapist turned out to have strong opinions about the case:

THERAPIST:  I think it’s a big mistake for Martin to be attending your abuser program. He has very low self-esteem; he believes anything bad that anyone says about him. If you tell him he’s abusive, that will just tear him down further. His partner slams him with the word abusive all the time, for reasons of her own. His wife’s got huge control issues, and she has obsessive-compulsive disorder. She needs treatment. I think having Martin in your program just gets her what she wants.

BANCROFT: So you have been doing couples counseling with them?

THERAPIST: No, I see him individually.

BANCROFT: How many times have you met with her?

THERAPIST: She hasn’t been in at all.

BANCROFT: You must have had quite extensive phone contact with her, then.

THERAPIST: No, I haven’t spoken to her.

BANCROFT: You haven’t spoken to her? You have assigned his wife a clinical diagnosis based only on Martin’s descriptions of her?

THERAPIST: Yes, but you need to understand, we’re talking about an unusually insightful man. Martin has told me many details, and he is perceptive and sensitive.

BANCROFT: But he admits to serious psychological abuse of his wife, although he doesn’t call it that. An abusive man is not a reliable source of information about his partner. What the abuser was getting from individual therapy, unfortunately, was an official seal of approval for his denial, and for his view that his wife was mentally ill.”

—“Why does he do that ? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling men”

by Lundy Bancroft

[auclairedetoru]

Namami has only been seeing y/n for a month but he's already so smitten.

The way she walks, the way she talks, the way she carries herself, her confidence, the way she applies her makeup, the colours she gets on her nails, the pretty outfits she wears, her facial expressions, everything. He's obsessed with her.

He met her at a little bookstore. He mostly goes there to browse and relax after long and tiring shifts. He enjoys the smell of the books and the overall atmosphere, sometimes he ends up picking something that pricks his interest.

Y/n was there doing the same thing when she saw him holding one of her favourite books. She couldn't help but comment on his amazing choice. He thanked her and asked her if she liked it. She let him know that it's a top pick for her but not number one. He proceeded to ask which book she liked the most. One thing led to another and he ended up leaving the store with her number saved on his phone.

After he noticed that not only has he been talking to her for a week straight, but he also always looked forward to reading her texts, answering her calls and talking on the phone, he decided to ask her on a date.

Namami did not go on many dates before. But when he did, he'd always asked his coworker Gojo to call him at a specific time, if he was enjoying the date he would tell the person he's with that it's just work related and not to worry about it, but if he wasn't he would tell them that he's needed for an emergency and he would pay for their cab and make sure they make it home safe before letting them down gently the next time he talks to them. Thankfully he only did the latter once when the person was being borderline creepy and he felt unsafe.

The date with y/n was a first for him. After she agreed, he told her about the time and location, planning on taking her to a nice restaurant, a classic. He was surprised when she disagreed and asked if he'd be comfortable with coming over to her house. She told him that she loved cooking but never got the chance to make big meals. Namami agreed, and it made his heart swell with happiness when she told him she was excited for their date.

The date was nothing less than perfect. He immediately felt at home the moment he stepped foot in her apartment, he particularly loved that she uses small lights instead of overhead ones, something he does at his apartment as well. She set the table beautifully, with candles and some of the most unique tableware. The food was a whole different story. He could not believe he was eating all that for free. He has been to many fancy restaurants, but none of them compared to her cooking.

When Namami asked if it was okay for him to ask her a couple of questions to see if they were on the same page when it comes to the future if they're planning on sharing one, he was surprised again when she said she was glad he brought up that topic because she had her own questions as well. Namami immediately knew that this would turn out for the best because his past dates always either tried to dodge this discussion or told him he was rushing things.

He first asked her about marriage. She told him that she wants to get married and that it's definitely something she hopes would happen in the future when she's ready, he agreed. He asked her if she'd want them to live together with a partner, she said yes but not immediately, maybe one and half to two years into the relationship, he agreed. She asked him about kids and if he sees himself being a father in the future, he said yes but he wants kids not immediately after marriage but to wait a year or two before trying, she agreed. She asked him about how he would handle disagreements and arguments, he told her that he was a very calm person and enjoys the peace communication brings, so he'd sit with his partner and figure out the problem and how to resolve it, she agrees.

Namami started to feel giddy when he realised they have both agreed to many of each other's answers and even shared similar opinions. Would she be the one he spends forever with? The thought didn't seem so bad at the moment, he hoped to get his answer quickly.

But he wasn't expecting it to happen within a month.

They discovered they shared the same route on their way to work and began walking it together. Nanami started to look forward to seeing her. Every morning, she greets him with a smile and "hi, Ken!" which he started responding to with "hi, Barbie" after watching the Barbie movie, she always giggles and throws her arms around his neck in a hug. He buys her her favourite boba and she drinks it while they walk and talk about whatever comes to mind. He drops her off at work since it's closer than his, but not before pressing a kiss to her forehead that she started calling her "good luck kiss". They even spend their lunch breaks together by talking through facetime. He was the type to skip that free time to get more work done, but he stopped doing that in favour of talking to his favourite girl.

He started looking forward to seeing her and talking to her. Weekends have become boring, sure they text, but it's not like hearing her voice, even through the phone speaker. She consumed his brain, she became his first thought in the morning and his last before bed. Thankfully, Nanami isn't dumb, and he realised he is in fact falling in love.

He didn't want to play around, after all, they're both serious about this relationship. He plans on confessing, letting her know his true feelings. It's a scary thought, something he has never done before, and he hopes she wouldn't reject him given that he fell for her fast when they both agreed this would be a "getting to know each other" phase. But he can't control how he feels about her, she makes him look forward to the future, as long as she is a part of it.

It's the weekend, Nanami invited her over in the afternoon to watch movies and hang out at his apartment, but despite what the weather forecast said, the somewhat sunny morning quickly developed into a stormy evening, one that was strong enough for him to turn the hang out into a sleepover. He gave her a pair of his pajama pants and a shirt to get comfortable and put the frozen pizza he has for emergencies in the oven.

They're sitting on the couch, a movie long forgotten on TV as y/n tells him a very interesting work story. He's trying to focus, he really is, but the way she's so close to him, her folded legs almost on top of his, her hair wrapped around his fingers as he plays with the strands, the way her face lights up when she remembers a detail, it's all so precious.

“and then she got mad and-”

“I love you.”

Y/n stops talking and he's instantly regretting his words. They literally slipped out of his mouth, he had no control over them. It's like she pressed a botton and they came out. He starts fearing the worst and his brain starts telling him that he made things awkward and uncomfortable for her and she can't even escape because there's a storm outside. Fuck... Why did he need to rush? Everything has been going perfectly, and now he ruined it. He's gonna have to find a way to make up for this. He'll apologize a billion times if needed, but he can't afford to lose her.

“Ken, I love you too, so much, but I need to finish the story.”

Huh-

“Right. Sorry, darling. Please continue, I'm all ears.”

He isn't all ears, he can't be all ears, because he can hear how fast his heart is beating and he can feel the blood rushing to his face. She said it back, she loves him, so much too! Is he dreaming, is it still the night before and he hasn't called her yet to invite her over? No. It can't be. He wants this to be real... and it is, everything is real. The way she's holding on to his fingers is real, the way she's excitedly telling him the rest of her story is real, the way he's holding back from smiling so hard is real, the way the pizza smell is filling the room is real.

“oh shit, the pizza.”

Nanami bolts to the kitchen, quickly grabbing the oven mitts and pulling the pizza out just in time. When he quickly glaces towards the living room, he can see y/n hunched over and squealing into the pillow, her feet kicking slightly. He chuckles. She really tried to play it like his words did not affect her the way they affected him, but it seems like their feelings are mutual in every way possible.

Nanami is somehow even more excited for forever with her now.

[muwapsturniolo]

𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑳𝒐𝒔𝒕 ᥫ᭡. c sturniolo

“I just-she left…”

✗ Angst, mentions of sex but no actual smut, cliffhanger

divider by @bernardsbendystraws

Love was a tricky thing - Bittersweet.

It could make you feel so whole and warm, like your life has meaning. On the other hand, it could break you down completely, as if you weren't worth anything.

This was something that scared Chris. He told everyone he had commitment issues, but they took it as he couldn't settle for one girl specifically, or he was scared of women. In reality, it was the idea of not knowing how your love with someone could end.

So when he dove head first into a relationship only for it to crumble right in his hands, he was distraught. It was so sudden, he thought everything was fine. He was happy, she was happy.

At least he thought she was.

"You're love is just too much Chris...I can't do this."

Her words hurt, they broke him.

He didn't understand how him showing how much he loved her was too much. Isn't that what girls want, for their partners to be open and loving?

After that night it was like she never existed, and it wasn't Chris's doing. The girl had deleted her socials, moved away from LA, and cut everyone off. He could only feel what was left of her, but he wasn't able to feel her.

He wished he knew where she went, what she was doing. He wished he knew how the hell she managed to make him fall in love with her, only to break him.

Did she ever love him?

He refused to be the type to marinate in his emotions, so he threw himself into his work. He forced Nick and Matt to film videos back to back, the brothers quickly becoming exhausted. He decided it was finally time to get his license and a car, hoping that if he betters himself she would come back to him.

But she didn't.

Everyone could see the change in him. He started going out more without his brothers, partying with Sam and Gnar. He'd come home with a different girl on his arm every night, and a bunch of money being spent from the joint account he shares.

That phase only lasted a month or so before Nick finally put his foot down, yelling at Chris and telling him to "Get the fuck over the breakup, she's not coming back."

"I know Nick I just....She left. She fucking left and said my love was too much! What does that mean? I-I did my best!"

He broke down, crying harder than he ever had in his brothers' arms.

"Why did she have to leave? Why won't she just come back?"

It seemed like after that, his whole personality and life did a 180. He grew quiet, no longer being the loud one. He was more snappy, staying in his room and locking himself away from the world.

When questioned about it, he told Matt and Nick that everything reminds him of her. The couch where they watched movies all night, the coffee shop she would force him to go to, and the overall energy of LA.

After a long talk, the three of them decided to leave LA. It seemed like a drastic change, but none of them were happy.

Matt never wanted to come to LA, Chris couldn't handle the memories, and Nick just wanted his brothers to be happy. So after a month of dealing with their management and trying to find a place back home, they finally were back in Boston.

Matt was happier, Nick was happier, and Chris was slowly doing better. He was eating more, laughing again, and even hanging out with friends. He still had trouble sleeping at night, his dreams filled with the memories he shared with her.

He'd wake up wishing that he spent more time savoring those moments instead of taking them for granted. He knew nothing lasted forever and yet he was naive enough to believe they would.

There was a specific night when he couldn't sleep, his mind silent as he stared at the wall. It irritated him, he was tired but something was keeping him awake. He dragged himself out of bed and went to the kitchen to find tea, hoping it would put him in a tranquil state, but there was no tea to be found.

With a sigh he slipped on his shoes and grabbed the car keys, sending a quick text to Nick and Matt, letting them know that if they woke up and he was still gone, he was just grabbing something from the store.

He planned on going to Walgreens, but on the way there, he saw a 24-hour coffee shop. It was small, the lighting giving up a warm glow that was already lulling him to sleep.

He parked the car and walked inside, the smell of the coffee grounds and lavender infiltrating his nose.

It reminded him of the coffee shop they would go to.

He stepped up to the register, looking at the menu for a second before ordering a large chamomile and lavender tea. It only took a second for the barista to hand him his drink, wishing him a 'good night' and telling him to 'be safe'.

With a brief smile he turns around, immediately locking eyes with her.

He could feel his heart fall to the pits of his stomach, his tea long forgotten and dropped to the ground.

"Hey Chris...."

[megalony]

Forgive And Forget

This is a new Buddie x reader imagine I had an idea for and I think it turned out rather well.

Please let me know what you think and if you would like a follow up.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyje @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra848484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana @shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @lolalolsstuff @jupiter1700 @ashdoctor @an-aliens-ghost @lunaroserites @houseoftwistedspirits @callsignwidow @winterreader-nowwriter @reneinii @bellsbomb @western-pyro @itsgigikay @harry-satellite @midsummereve1993 @babyqueen17 @buckyyyismahhlife @sammiejane22 @mrsyixingunicorn10

Buddie Masterlist

Summary: When Eddie learns Maddie is having another baby, it leads to an argument within his relationship. Because when Maddie left after having Jee, it was (Y/n) Eddie and Buck who cared for her daughter in the aftermath.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A discontented groan left Eddie's lips when the sound of his alarm rung out through the air, jostling him from his dream.

It was early. He felt like he had gone to bed five minutes ago, but if his alarm was waking him up then he guessed he had slept longer than usual. Most of Eddie's recent shifts had been early, usually starting at five or six in the morning.

Today's shift was lined up to begin at nine which would feel like turning up in the afternoon compared to normal.

With a grunt, he twisted to the right and flopped onto his back, reaching his arm out to try and turn off his alarm. He had to get up, get Chris and the twins ready and take them all to school on his way to work.

His brows furrowed when he groggily opened his eyes and looked towards the other side of the bed. (Y/n) was awake; more specifically, she was sitting up in bed. He didn't expect her to wake up with him when his alarm went off, not when she didn't have to go into work today and early mornings weren't always her thing.

He reached his hand out and began to glide his hand up and down her thigh while he tried to wake himself up. It took Eddie a moment to clear his head enough to sit up and properly start to wake up and when he did, he looked over to his left. His eyes raked her up and down, taking in the way she was sat to see what she was up to.

She was sat up in bed with the covers strewn across the middle of the bed. One hand was pressing down into the mattress, presumably to help keep her balance and her other hand was pressed against her temple while her head was tilted forward.

"You okay, amor?"

He let go of her thigh to stretch his arms up above his head, straining to click his neck into place before he twisted to the side. His knees gently nudged hers and his hand came up to rest on the side of her neck, his thumb swiping across her jaw until she opened her eyes.

"What's up?" He murmured softly, leaning over to peck her cheek when (Y/n) leaned her cheek into his palm. She nuzzled into his touch, trying her best not to lean on Eddie too much in case she let all of her weight fall onto him and have him hold her weight up for her.

"I feel sick."

For a while now, she hadn't been able to sleep. All she could do was fidget and squirm and groan. She felt sick. She felt like she was starting to burn up, but it just seemed to be her imagination. She hadn't thrown up, she wasn't sweating and she wasn't about to collapse, she just felt horrid. (Y/n) had probably picked up a sickness bug from somewhere.

She twisted to the side so she could lean her cheek on Eddie's shoulder when his hand dropped from her face so he could loop his arm around her waist. His hand splayed out on her hip and he kissed the top of her head while his other hand moved round to brush across her stomach.

"They're still asleep." (Y/n) muttered softly, and she managed a smile as she tilted her head back to look up at Eddie.

She knew what he was doing. Now they were twenty-one weeks along, (Y/n) was staring to feel the baby move and kick and the boys were enamoured. But she liked the way Eddie continued to drag his fingertips along her stomach like he was either waiting for the baby to disagree or like he was soothing them to keep them asleep and content.

It felt a lot better this time around to just be having one baby to concern herself with. It had been a shock to her system four years ago when she got pregnant and ended up with twins for her first pregnancy. Double the kicks, double the discomfort and it meant doubling the check ups she needed and the scans and it increased Eddie and Evan's worries about her and the babies.

At least for this pregnancy, (Y/n) didn't feel weighed down or sick to her stomach every day. She only had one baby wriggling and kicking and messing with her system. It would be a lot easier once the baby was here too, she wouldn't have to do double the nappy changes or two feeds one straight after the other. It would lessen the cleaning and the washing as well with only one baby to contend with.

"Do you want me to get you a drink and some meds?" Eddie peppered a few kisses up and down her neck and shoulder while his hand rubbed soothing circles across her stomach to try and calm her system.

"Please… I may as well get up with you though." (Y/n) found the will to pull away from Eddie's embrace, but not before he tilted her head in his direction to steal a kiss.

She wasn't going to be going back to sleep anytime soon, (Y/n) may as well get up along with Eddie and Chris and help get the twins ready. At least she didn't have to go to work today, it was her day off and Evan would be home soon. She could spend the day with him before they got the kids from school and waited for Eddie's shift to finish later on tonight.

When Eddie climbed up off the bed and held his hands out towards (Y/n), she smiled softly and let him pull her up to her feet. His hands moved down to hold her hips and he attached his lips to the top of her head, waiting patiently for (Y/n) to move first so he knew she was alright.

She could feel Eddie's arm staying secure around her waist as he followed her out their bedroom and down the hall. Once they reached Chris's room, Eddie knocked on the door and nudged it open, muttering a groggy "Time to get up bud." in the process.

He knew Chris had heard him because of the grunt he heard and he knew in five minutes Chris would drag himself out of bed and get dressed.

(Y/n) could feel her head spinning and she was glad Eddie was behind her because her knees started to shake. She still felt sick and her head was throbbing like she was being hit with a hammer. She tried to reach out for the door to the twins bedroom but Eddie's hand enveloped around hers and he attached his lips to the back of her head.

"Go sit down amor. I'll get the girls sorted and find you some painkillers."

If she wasn't well Eddie would rather her sit down and take it easy for a while. He knew Evan would be home soon so he could look after her and make sure she was alright so Eddie could go to work without having to worry.

His hands moved to her shoulders and he kissed the back of her head while he followed her into the living room to make sure she sat down and that she was alright in there.

His lips pursed as he watched (Y/n) flop down on the sofa and curl into the cushion. She brought her knees up until they were pressing into her bump and one arm flopped over the cushion while her other hand started to rub circles around her stomach.

"Won't be long," He mused against her temple before he kissed her cheek, then the tip of her nose and finally her lips when she tilted her head up, chasing after his lips.

Eddie headed into the kitchen to find what he needed before he headed back into the lounge.

He set down a glass of water on the coffee table and some painkillers while he crouched down in front of the sofa. He took the time to reach his hand out and card his fingers through her hair while he perched his chin on his arm that rested on the edge of the sofa.

"You sure you're okay?"

"I feel a bit better."

"Hm, well Buck will be home in a bit so make sure if you need anything, you tell him. And I'm sure he said Maddie and Chim are gonna come by later."

Both men knew what (Y/n) could be like. They knew she would rather hide things from them and suffer in silence than ask them for help or admit when she didn't feel her best and needed taking care of.

All three of them were much the same in that respect. Eddie was used to being the one people relied on, the one who looked after everyone else. So the first time he got properly sick after getting into a relationship with Evan and (Y/n), he hadn't wanted them to take care of him. And Evan was used to looking after people, all his relationships had been one-sided so being loved and cared for wasn't normal for him either.

They were all learning to change those dynamics and accept love and help from each other.

***

"Where is everyone?" Eddie peered his head round the dining room door before he continued and headed into the kitchen.

He had come home and found the house eerily quiet. No one in the living room with a movie blaring out or books and games scattered on the carpet. No one doing arts or crafts in the dining room. No noise coming from the hallway to signal that the kids were in their rooms, and there was no one dancing about in the kitchen with the radio on.

So far, the only family member Eddie had found was his boyfriend who seemed to be in the middle of tidying up the kitchen.

A grin broke out on Evan's face when he turned around to see that Eddie had come home. He swung the tea towel over his shoulder and walked over towards Eddie. One hand cupped the side of his face so he could reel him in for a sweet kiss.

"In bed." Evan whispered each word against Eddie's lips while his thumb brushed across his jaw like he was smoothing out the stubble beginning to grow.

"What, all of them?" Eddie's head tilted to the right before he turned back when Evan stole another kiss while he had the chance.

It wasn't even tea time yet. Why was everyone in bed?

"Yep," Evan popped the 'p' while he finally broke away from Eddie and leaned his left hip against the kitchen island. "(Y/n) went for a lie down, Chris followed her to watch tv in bed with her. And when the girls finished baking they went for a power nap, although I'm pretty sure all of them are watching a Disney movie now."

Once Maddie and Chimney had come and gone, (Y/n) had retired to watch tv in bed. She still didn't feel great, she was coming down with a cold and she looked run down.

When she went to bed, Chris sheepishly asked if he could watch tv with her because he was tired from school and wanted to relax.

The twins had a bit of energy after nursery so they had baked some cupcakes with Evan, but the pair of them had become easily tired after that. Rather than putting them in their room, Evan settled them with (Y/n) because he knew they would sleep for longer with her and they would settle for a movie once they woke up.

He was sure he could hear the theme song from Toy Story blaring down the hallway every now and then while he decided to clean up before tea.

A quiet "Oh," left Eddie's lips and he nodded while he leaned his hand on the counter and watched Evan clean the flour from the worktops.

"Did Maddie and Chim stop by after all?"

"Yeah, with good news." The grin that lit up Evan's face made Eddie smile quizzically and he tilted his head to one side, eager to know what he had missed.

Eddie knew Evan didn't like it when one of them was working when friends or family came round. He didn't like any of them missing out on 'family moments' as he called them and Eddie understood. He didn't particularly like it either, but he had to work today. He had just been glad that he only had a short eight hour shift as opposed to the usual twelve or sometimes twenty-four hour shifts they pulled at the station.

"What news is that?" Eddie swiped the tea towel from Evan's shoulder and moved over to the sink so he could dry the dishes while he waited to be told what he had missed.

If it was some family drama, Evan would have said he had missed 'the gossip' because as much as Evan hated arguments, he loved getting the gossip. And Maddie was a reliable source. She gave them information on just about anybody and she told them a lot of the things she heard down at dispatch.

"Maddie's pregnant, they're having a baby too."

Evan had been ecstatic when Maddie told him and (Y/n) earlier this afternoon while the kids had all been at school.

Maddie had been pregnant with Jee just as (Y/n) had been about to give birth to the twins. And now (Y/n) was halfway through this pregnancy, Maddie was having another baby. Their timing seemed to be almost level, Maddie and Chimney were just a few months behind them again just like last time.

Evan loved the fact that their kids would be close in age. The twins got along great with Jee, she was like another sibling to them and their next kids would hopefully be close too.

There was a nine year gap between Evan and Maddie which had set them a little out of balance. It made Maddie become Evan's substitute parent rather than his sister, especially because she had helped to raise him. Evan didn't want any of his kids having that relationship. He wanted them to bond like other siblings and be close, he didn't want them to have to raise each other like him and Maddie.

When he didn't hear a response, Evan glanced over his shoulder, but Eddie had his back to him. Eddie was piling up the plates ready to load them back into the cupboard.

The little hum Eddie let out and the nod of his head wasn't very encouraging and it wiped the smile off Evan's face completely.

This was good news. This was an extension of their family, this was their close friends expanding their family and showing how happy they were together. Why wasn't Eddie delighted and smiling and wanting to celebrate this moment?

"We'll have two more babies in the family," Evan moved his left hand in a circular motion like he was trying to coax a response out of Eddie who finally turned to face him. But the way Eddie lifted his chin and gave a very placid smile didn't make Evan feel any better. He was practically shrugging off this news like he had said Maddie got a promotion rather than getting pregnant.

"That's good." Eddie cleared his throat and put the plates away before he started on the cutlery.

With a sigh, Evan dropped his shoulders and leaned one hand on the counter while his other hand moved to his hip. He leaned to the right, cocking his left hip out while he looked over a this boyfriend with a somewhat deflated expression.

Evan liked to celebrate news and he liked it when both his partners were as enthusiastic as him about good news like this or things he was excited about. And usually, he didn't have to worry about either Eddie or (Y/n) not reacting. They were always so understanding and bright and eager with him. Not barely coherent like this.

"What's wrong, aren't you happy for them?" He couldn't quite keep the hurt out of his voice, but he was glad when Eddie instantly shot him a look and fired back.

"Of course I am."

"You don't look it, Eddie. What's that face for?" He could read Eddie like a book. He knew that little shrug and the way his lips would form that thin line meant he wasn't so thrilled. He also knew that Eddie would curl his upper lip and bite his lower lip when he was trying not to say something he shouldn't or when he didn't agree with something.

Eddie shook his head and started to drop the knives and forks into the right places in the drawer, but he tried to keep his body facing Evan. He didn't want to fully turn his back on Evan and have his boyfriend think he was angry or trying to start a fight because he wasn't. Eddie really didn't want to start anything today.

"Nothing, it's great, okay."

"Eddie. I know something's gotten to you so just talk to me, please."

A deep breath stuttered past Eddie's lips when Evan's fingers delicately curled around his wrist and he tugged him away from the sink to capture his full attention. He watched the way Evan leaned closer and pecked his cheek while he pressed up against him so their chests were glued together and Evan was towering that little bit taller than him.

He wanted Eddie to open up. He didn't want him to bottle up his feelings and feel like he couldn't talk to Evan about anything. This was about family, Evan wasn't just going to turn around and ignore it when something was clearly bugging his partner.

"Is she going to be able to cope with another baby? If she suffers with postpartum depression again, will Maddie let any of us help? That's what's on my mind Buck, that's what's worrying me."

Each word was calculated and careful because Eddie didn't want to word it the wrong way and sound like a cruel bastard or like he was trying to have a go at Maddie or her integrity, that wasn't his intention. But he couldn't help but be worried about this.

Eddie had been there last time. He had been there for the aftermath. He had seen how broken Chimney was and how worried Evan had been about where his sister had gone because she didn't tell them. They had no idea whether she was okay or safe or not until she rang Evan once, weeks later.

And it was Eddie, (Y/n) and Evan who were left to look after Jee while Chimney juggled going to work and trying to find Maddie and bring her home. They were the ones who took Jee into their home for months and brought her up like they had triplets instead of twins. She became a foster child to them.

Tension rose in Evan's chest as apprehension flooded his veins and made his breathing become laboured.

He didn't want this conversation. He didn't want Eddie thinking like this. It wasn't right; they didn't need to be talking like this when it wasn't set in stone that Maddie might suffer with that condition a second time.

"She might not suffer with that again and if she does, we'll all be here for her-"

"That's not what I'm asking. I'm asking if she will let us, Buck. She had everyone around her last time and she left-"

"Hey, she had every reason to leave. She wasn't well Eddie and you know it."

Eddie hated the way Evan tilted his head at that angle and how his chest tensed and bubbled up like he was transforming into a different figure right before Eddie's eyes.

"Whatever."

Eddie clenched his hands into fists and turned his back on his boyfriend before he said something he shouldn't. If they were going to talk about this then Eddie wanted to talk, not argue. And he hated it when Evan cut him off and wouldn't let him finish. He got so defensive that he didn't even let Eddie explain, he stopped him because he didn't want to hear what Eddie had to say. But that wasn't how this worked.

He tried to carry on drying the pots but his hands were starting to shake too much so he tossed the tea towel and tried to leave the kitchen. It didn't work very well when Evan sidestepped into his path and stood in front of him like a boulder that wouldn't be moved.

"No, no it's not whatever. She's my sister, she's my family so if you have a problem with her, you tell me right now." The dark tone in Evan's voice made Eddie want to scream. He only liked that voice when Evan used it in the bedroom.

Getting snarky with Eddie right now wasn't going to do him any favours because Eddie was going to get just as riled up and upset as Evan.

But if Eddie had a problem with Maddie or this situation, Evan wanted to hear it and he wanted to air this problem out now. She was his big sister, she was like a mum to Evan and she was part of his world. Evan hated any of his family not getting along or being at odds with each other and it hurt worse to know his boyfriend had a problem with the person who raised him.

He watched the way Eddie took a step back and debated walking the other way around the kitchen to get out of the room, but he seemed to scrap that idea pretty quickly.

His shoulders rose up and his hands clenched into fists at his sides while his chin lifted almost defiantly so he could look up at Evan and square up to him so they were level.

"Alright. I get she's your sister, I know you love her, me and (Y/n) love her like a sister too. But you can't admit that Maddie was in the wrong with how she dealt with her depression. You and Chimney won't accept the possibility that her actions were unjustified and she hurt us all. If they want another baby that's great, really, but I'm not picking up the slack a second time, I'm telling you now."

The way Eddie pointed his finger right at Evan's chest near his collar bone made Evan's eyes go wild. Those deep blue iris's were swallowed up by dark pupils that expanded to the max. And Evan's lips pressed into a very thick pout as the veins in his neck started to throb and press up against his skin.

He did not just point a finger at him. He did not just make a jibe at Evan and his sister like that.

"Excuse me?" The guttural sound of Evan's voice almost made Eddie's knees go weak, if it weren't for the desperate need within him to get Evan to listen to him. For once.

Where Maddie was concerned, Evan wore blinkers. He saw only what he needed and wanted to see and if anyone tried to say one alternative word about her, Evan shut them down immediately. But he couldn't do that to Eddie or even to (Y/n). He couldn't shut his partners down, he had to hear them out and Evan was the one who demanded to have this conversation. He couldn't back out now when this was his choice, his demand.

"Buck, she could have told Chim or us that she needed a break, she could have told us she needed to go. We would of helped her, we would of come up with a plan or something, but no, she walked out on her own."

Everyone knew Chimney would have made her stay, he would have coaxed Maddie into staying in LA and maybe that would have worked. Maybe she could have gotten help here and stayed with everyone. But if she had been so adamant about leaving, she could have come to them. Evan would of helped her sort things out and prepare to leave to look after herself.

Eddie and (Y/n) would of supported her and made sure to help her and get her settled somewhere else. They would of found her a place to get help. She didn't have to run off without telling anyone and she didn't have to cut all contact with them and frighten them like she did.

Eddie could understand Maddie wasn't in the right frame of mind. But she had thought enough to make a video to explain to Chimney. She had been coherent enough to drop Jee off with (Y/n) and pack her things when no one was around and planned a place to go.

"She was sick! She was suicidal Eddie, she was frightened of hurting her baby and she knew she had to leave to look after herself. What if it had been (Y/n) in that position?"

Evan dreaded to think what would happen if (Y/n) had gotten into such a state of depression after having the twins that she felt like that. He would break if (Y/n) had been suicidal and tried to take her life the same as Maddie. And Evan would lose his heart if (Y/n) had left. He wasn't sure he would of helped (Y/n) leave if she needed to, but with Maddie it was different.

She had to go. She was so used to looking after herself and Evan, she was used to doing things by herself and taking care of things on her own. Asking for help wasn't what Maddie was used to, she was the one giving help, not receiving.

"No, we're not doing the what ifs." Eddie shook his head and pointed his hand again before he clasped both hands behind his head.

He deadlocked his fingers together at the back of his head and stuck his elbows out at the sides as he tried to take a deep breath. And when Evan moved closer, Eddie stepped back. He knew exactly how this conversation was going to go, but he didn't care. It needed to be said.

"Maddie came to our home, dumped Jee with (Y/n) and then left. Without explanation. Without a sorry or a word at all. We would of helped her, Chim might have stopped her but we wouldn't. (Y/n) was sick too! We had eight-month old twins and a sick girlfriend and Maddie left her kid with us. And you forgave her straight away. Maybe you can forgive and forget Buck, but I can't."

It hurt.

It hurt Eddie so much that Maddie had been forgiven. It took Eddie a long time to get that sibling-relationship back with Maddie because whenever he looked at her or Jee, he felt betrayal. He felt angry. He wanted to tell her how wrong she had been and how selfish she was for doing what she did, but Eddie could never do that.

He could never hurt Maddie like that because he cared too much, and he would never say those things to her directly and cause Evan that pain either. Because Evan would stick up for her and he too would feel betrayed. So Eddie kept it all bottled up.

"Eddie, she needed help. And if history repeated itself today, I'd understand her reasons again and again. She wasn't in her right mind and she did the right thing by leaving Jee with us rather than telling Chim and having him convince her to stay. There's three of us in this relationship, three people to help look after Jee-"

"She's not our responsibility! (Y/n) was struggling but she looked after Jee every fucking day. That little girl practically lived with us for five months. She cried when Maddie came back and she went back home with her and Chim. When she came to stay with us we ended up with triplets and you know it."

Eddie backed up into the counter and leaned his hands behind him to grip the edge and balance himself.

Jee had been with them for months. While Chimney tried to work, (Y/n) had Jee and the newborn practically moved in with them. Then when Chimney went in search of Maddie, Jee stayed with them again.

By the time the couple came home, Jee was already settled into a routine and a safe home with her uncles and her aunt. She didn't want to go home. She thought this was her home. When she came to stay with them, it felt like they had gone from twins to triplets with Chris and three little girls to look after, all similar in age. The twins were only a few months older than Jee.

Eddie still remembered how Jee cried when she left. That little toddler, reaching out for (Y/n) and screaming when she was taken away in the car.

He remembered that pain, and he remembered exactly how it broke (Y/n)'s heart. She had become attached to her niece. She had loved and cared for her every day for almost half a year, and then Jee was suddenly torn from her arms and taken back to her true home.

There was no way they were doing that again. Eddie wouldn't put his family through that heartache of looking after another baby and probably Jee too if Maddie started to become ill.

If she was sick or had depression or anything went wrong this time, it would be down to Chimney to sort it. Not Eddie's family.

"That's not fair." Evan's broken voice made tears well up in Eddie's eyes and he couldn't look at his boyfriend any longer without bursting into tears.

Both Evan's hands wavered at his sides as he dithered on whether to grab his hips or wave his hands in front of him or point the finger at Eddie like he had done a moment ago.

It wasn't fair to justify things like that. Evan would rather their niece come and stay with them than risk his sister struggling and taking her own life. And he would rather have Jee safe and settled with them than on the road with Chimney while he tried to find Maddie and bring her back home.

No part of this situation had been easy or straight forward, but it couldn't all be blamed on Maddie.

"What would you rather her do? She tried to kill herself Eddie."

The tears running down Evan's face made Eddie shake and he tipped his own head back and smothered his mouth with his hand so he didn't start to do the same.

"I- I would rather her tell us how she felt and let us get her help than leave the mess at our door like that."

Surely, Maddie could see that telling them what she was doing and asking for help would have been a far better choice. No one would have shamed her for how she felt. She had seen Evan through all his meltdowns and breakdowns growing up. She had witnessed (Y/n) in a few bad states. She had seen the aftermath of Eddie's breakdown and how he coped through that.

Did she think they would judge her? Did she think they wouldn't mind being given their niece out of the blue and left to wonder if she was dead or alive?

Moving both hands to his face, Eddie ran them up and down to try and stimulate his nerves and clear the tears from his eyes. He tried to calm himself down and gather some sense of composure so he could carry on this conversation that was heading south very quickly.

"Buck, we have three kids and another on the way. I can't come home to find (Y/n) on the verge of passing out with a bundle of kids to look after. Okay? I don't want Maddie to get caught up and afraid and drop another child on us because she realised a second too late that she can't cope."

When Maddie had her breakdown and left Jee with them, (Y/n) hadn't been well. She had a virus and was just getting over sepsis. She could barely take care of Chris and the twins. She had been extremely sick that day and when Eddie came home, he found (Y/n) in a bad state and his niece and all her things suddenly dumped in the living room.

They were having another baby themselves. What would happen if (Y/n) was home with all four kids and suddenly she had to take care of Jee and another newborn? They couldn't handle six kids in the house.

They couldn't take on Jee and another baby as responsibility if Maddie started to suffer again. Eddie needed to know that if Maddie needed help or she was suffering, that she would tell them and get help instead of running away from her family and responsibilities again.

"And I think my sister deserves the benefit of the doubt. How cruel would it be to start pretending that she can't cope or asking every five minutes if she's okay? We can't treat her like that, and she knows if she needs help she can tell us. She will."

Evan wouldn't do that. He wouldn't become one of those people.

He would not patronise his sister by constantly checking in to see if she was okay. He wouldn't hound her and ask if she was coping, if she was starting to feel under pressure or feel sick. Evan wasn't willing to become a hovering family member who was waiting, teethering on the edge expecting Maddie to fail.

If they all expected her to have a breakdown or suffer then it could push her into that state and that wasn't fair. No one deserved to be treated like that.

Maddie deserved to be treated just like she had been when she had Jee. Like any other, normal pregnant woman and then when she had the new baby, no one needed to wrap her in cotton wool. She needed to be treated the same way (Y/n) would be treated. With love and respect.

Eddie pushed off the counter and took a few daring steps closer to his boyfriend, now that they both seemed to have simmered down somewhat.

But before Eddie could say anything else, both their heads turned when they head footsteps.

For a moment, Eddie's heart jumped into his throat at the thought of it being Chris coming in. He knew Chris hated if any of them argued, it set him off into a meltdown. And if the girls heard they would start panicking or run over and cling to one of their parents to make them stop arguing.

But both men felt relieved when they realised it was (Y/n).

She was rubbing her hand across her temple in a way that indicated she still had a headache and didn't feel well. She could barely keep her eyes open and the grimace on her face told both her boys that she was coming down with some sort of illness.

She wandered into the kitchen barefoot which sent shivers running throughout her system when she stepped onto the cold tiled floor.

The bedroom felt as warm as the oven compared to the rest of the house and (Y/n) suddenly felt cold wearing only one of the boys lounge shirts and a pair of sleep shorts.

Her attire made both of them blank for a few moments as they forgot what they had been trying to say- and arguing about- when they focused on their girlfriend and what she was wearing. But (Y/n)'s confused frown and the way she inclined her head to one side brought them back to the moment.

"Why can I hear raised voices? What's going on?" (Y/n) folded both her arms on top of her bump and leaned her hips back against the kitchen island so she was facing both of them.

The way she rose a brow and kept her lips in a thin line told them she wasn't happy they were arguing about something. Especially when they hadn't told her before now that something was wrong and why they were in a mood with each other. Not to mention that Chris and the girls could hear them arguing, they couldn't make out what was being said but they knew the tone of their dad's voices and knew both of them weren't happy.

"Well?"

Eddie sighed and tipped his head forward before he looked back across at (Y/n). His hands fell to his hips and one knee jutted forward as he tried to think how to explain.

"Buck told me about Maddie. I'm as concerned for her as I am happy."

"Really?" Evan deadpanned with narrowed eyes and his arms folded over his chest in the same manner as (Y/n). He hated the way Eddie side-eyed him and grutned.

"Buck for God's sake I don't want to argue. I'm not saying they shouldn't have a kid, they're great parents I'm not judging. I just want Maddie to… to be prepared, I guess."

The way Eddie looked across at (Y/n) made her sink her teeth down into her lower lip and coil her arms tighter around her waist. She knew he was looking for validation and for her to agree with him and she didn't want to put herself in the middle of the boys when they were arguing. She didn't want to take sides or make this worse.

This was a tricky situation and a very hard thing to have a conversation about. Clearly both of them had been taking things the wrong way which had led to an argument.

"Don't tell me you think the same as Eddie, please. You saw how worried Maddie was to tell us today. She deserves a family and she deserves respect from us. We can't act like she's broken or worry all the time that she's gonna get ill again."

Evan reached his hand out and gripped (Y/n)'s arm as he moved to stand beside her. He couldn't take standing at odds with both of them and when (Y/n) didn't pull away from him, he looped his arm around her waist instead and leaned into her side.

"I know, if I was in her place I would hate to have people tread like that around me." Understanding flooded (Y/n)'s voice as she tilted her head back to look up at Evan.

She could see how horrid that would be for Maddie if people started to treat her like a broken doll or as if she were a ticking time bomb, set to go off at any moment. And if people expected her to fail or to run away a second time, it would make her feel like a failure before she'd even started and that wasn't fair or respectful towards her.

"I didn't want to cause a row, but I'm worried, okay?" Eddie moved his hands to his sides and dropped his shoulders.

He didn't want to row anymore, he just wanted to diffuse the situation and sit down with their family and see the kids. He didn't come home begging for a fight and he didn't expect to have an argument with Evan, he was sorry if he had started this.

"Can we all just be happy for them? It won't be the same as with Jee, it won't." The determination in Evan's voice was pleading yet loving at the same time and Eddie nodded.

But when Eddie looked across at (Y/n) to see why she wasn't saying anything, his heart picked up speed.

"Hey, hey, why the tears mi amor?"

Eddie moved to stand in front of (Y/n) and gently cupped her face in his hands and tilted her head back so she was looking up at him. His thumbs swiped across her cheekbones, collecting her tears to try and clean them away.

He could feel her trembling even as Evan shifted to let her back lean into his chest so he could curl his hands around her hips and press his lips to the back of her head.

Both men shared a look as the same worry popped into their mind. (Y/n) hadn't been feeling well today, was she suddenly feeling worse? Was there something wrong with the baby? But Evan couldn't feel her trembling and she wasn't creasing over with pains or saying she felt sick or she was in agony. So it couldn't really be the sickness she felt that was making her cry.

"I can't- if Maddie needs help again, I can't do what we did before, Evan. I can't raise Jee or another baby for months and then… then hand them over once Maddie's better. You don't know how much that hurt."

(Y/n) moved her hands to cup Eddie's wrists and she tried to look up behind her to look at Evan.

She understood. She knew where he was coming from and she wasn't going to hover around Maddie or make her feel incompetent. But if Maddie struggled again, (Y/n) agreed with Eddie, she had to let them help or find some proper help. (Y/n) couldn't take in Jee or a new baby and care for them the way they did last time.

"Baby, it hurt us too when she left-"

"You know when Maddie asked if we wanted Jee for the weekend, and I kept saying no?" Her breaths shuddered and she leaned her cheek into Eddie's hand to try and rid the few tears she was still shedding.

Both of them nodded and shared a look. They knew what she was talking about. When Jee was a toddler, after being back home for a while, Maddie asked if they wanted Jee over for a sleepover, to see Chris and the twins. (Y/n) didn't exactly explain to the boys while she kept saying no. They knew she wasn't telling the whole truth when she said she was busy or not feeling up to having another kid running round the house since they already had three.

Most of the time, the twins ended up going over to Maddie and Jee for a sleep over. It took a while until (Y/n) finally agreed and Jee started staying over with them every now and then, and Eddie and Evan never probed why. They suspected that maybe having Chris and two toddlers was hard enough without looking after Jee too.

"I said no, because Jee started to call me mummy, and- and I couldn't tell Maddie that. I couldn't hurt her like that. We raised her, and that confused her when she had to go home. I can't do that again."

Tears streaked down (Y/n)'s face and she started to tremble when she felt how tense Evan was behind her and how his hands tightened around her hips so much he was starting to bruise her skin. And when she looked up at Eddie, she saw the devastation in his eyes.

She tilted her head back when she felt Evan move. He didn't let go of her or move very far, but he tilted his head back like he was staring up at the ceiling and (Y/n) saw the tears trickling down his face as he tried not to burst into tears.

She hadn't told them that before.

(Y/n) couldn't tell them. She knew if she told Eddie, he would get angry. He would be furious that poor Jee had become so attached to living with them that she thought she was one of their kids. He had never argued Jee living with them, Eddie always agreed she needed a stable home and they could care for her, but it had clearly been for too long and at such a vital time in her life.

If they cared for her now, while she was three, she would have more comprehension. She would know she was staying with her aunt and uncles. But being so young and impressionable when she stayed with them made her confused.

And (Y/n) knew if she told Evan he would break down. He loved Jee almost like she was one of their girls and he felt he had to look after and protect her while Maddie had been unwell and Chimney was desperately trying to help her and bring her home.

"Oh baby," Eddie continued to brush his thumbs across (Y/n)'s face while he leaned closer until he could press his wet lips to her temple.

That made sense, now. Both men could see why (Y/n) denied Jee stopping over. She wanted Jee to have more stability and she didn't want to risk breaking her own heart if Jee accidentally called her 'mum' again.

And how could (Y/n) tell Maddie that? How could she explain that she couldn't care for her niece too often because she started to believe (Y/n) was her mum? That would completely crush Maddie's heart and it could have sent her into a relapse of depression or into another breakdown.

It would have complicated things between them all and (Y/n) couldn't risk doing that.

"That won't happen again. I won't let things get that bad, I swear, I swear to both of you that it won't be like that."

Evan let go of (Y/n)'s hip so he could stretch his arm out and grip Eddie's bicep and reel him in closer. He kissed the back of (Y/n)'s head again and again before leaning over to peck Eddie's temple. He tried to hold them both as close as he could until (Y/n) was safely encased between them and he had both of them in his arms.

He wouldn't let anything like that happen again. He would try and make sure Maddie opened up to them if she needed to. He would keep an eye on her. If she needed help, Evan would make sure she got help, they all would.

And Evan wouldn't let the same situation happen again. They wouldn't have to take Jee and or a new baby into their home and care for them. They wouldn't get caught up in something like that again.

Maddie and Chimney would have their baby, and Evan, (Y/n) and Eddie would have theirs.

[livingsurreal]

More thoughts and theories about our favorite Necromancer

My darlings, I have too many thoughts and my obsession is running wild. (How I missed you, hyperfocus). If you have read my last meta post about our Emmrich, here it is: First Meta Post

That is not a required read however. I am still wondering why anyone is reading my word vomit U_U

Anyway, I love reading other peoples theories, so please, send me yours. <3 And a lot of thanks and love for all you darlings who make this fandom such a beautiful and nice place. Especially to @jaal-ama-daravv - who makes the most beautiful videos, and writes such wonderful character studies.

Warning, from here on there will be spoilers as well as mentions of sex. If you don't want to read about any of that, do not read the rest.

Also pictures and way too many words. This is a ten page word document, save yourself while you can. I tend to go off on a tangent once I start writing. I am also well aware that not everyone will agree. This is just my personal read on Emmrich.

Now, after my first essay I have some more thoughts on Emmrich and Rook and specifically their intimate relationship.

Emmrich is such an interesting and baffling contradiction. On the one hand he is confident, self-assured, all manners and poise. He is smart, and he knows it. He has special gifts, and he knows it.  He is confident without being proud. He likes to teach others without being arrogant. He still likes to learn about new things and is, as far as I’ve seen, never judgmental about different beliefs and ways of life. (Unless someone treats him with disdain or bully him)

He is a man who is confident speaking of his thoughts and feelings and fears. How he just casually drops his thanatophobia is just astonishing. He is honest and open-minded in the best ways.

And then there is the other side of him. The wet kitten side of him. As open and honest as he is about his emotions, when we get to the meat of it, to the scary bit, the real feely bit, he locks up completely. As long as it is surface level (or he can pretend its surface level), everything is up for discussion. But once we reach deeper and touch *love* he gets so scared and refuses to admit and commit to his feelings. And as much *death* scares him, love scares him more.

So how does that influence his intimate relationship with Rook?

According to the banter with Lace “everyone knows about it”. He was rather surprised by that.

That tells us two things:

They were trying to be sneaky or at least keep their private business private.

They failed, massively.

Add to that Laces comment about them moving rather fast (when, where? I would have loved to have seen that. Comments like that just give me the feeling that we should have had some more cutscenes after the dinner date, to show us those two besotted fools).

But back to them moving rather fast. I would guess that they both did a lot of gazing lovingly at each other, blushing, spacing out while watching their darling, stollen kisses in the hallway when they thought no one was watching, stuff like that. Just being to besotted fools.

But moving fast usually includes sex. Lots of needy, sweaty sex. The inability to keep their hands of each other.

That moves us to the question of the day – did they have sex before their coffin time?

Let’s look at what we know about Emmrich. Emmrich is no virgin. That man has experience. He had past lovers. But what he tells us at that sweet diner date – “nothing serious for years.” We know not much else besides his crush on a boy in his youth and his fling with the Orlesian Art Lady. He is not someone to kiss and tell and that is appreciated. That man has class, and we love him for it.

So - nothing SERIOUS for years. If he hadn’t had ANY relationships in the past years, he would have said so. But what he says is that he did, in fact, have UNSERIOUS relationships in the last few years.

I would read that to be somewhere along the “fwb, lovers, affairs, paramours, companions, a fling, a little romance” line. Something not purely, but mainly physically driven. Someone you like and respect, you can go out and have a good time with, have lots of amazing sex with (b/c he is a living being and has his needs). Spending time with people he liked, was sexually attracted too, but nothing as serious as love. A physical relationship. A little thrill, some fluttering, but never that deep.

Not to say that those situationships would not have been romantic. He is (buried under all that resignation) a deeply romantic man. I am pretty sure he went on nice romantic dates with his previous paramours too. That this is something he just enjoys too much. Treating a companion with some quality time, not just in, but also out of the bedroom.

But after he’d given up on his dreams, he did not have any notion of those flings being more than a “enjoy the moment”. There was never the expectation of deeper feelings, beyond friendship, attraction and/or respect. All those romantic gestures were nothing more than a little bit of “play pretend”. To give himself the illusion of true romance, just for a little time.

Take the fact that you can go a “everything you do is creepy but I still flirt with you and I want you to throw me over that tombstone” and his comment on “the attraction of the forbidden”? This is not a relationship born of mutual respect and deeper feelings but out of purely physical attraction. And he is OK with that.

I want to repeat – Emmrich is very much okay with a casual, sexual affair. He does not require love to have a relationship with someone.

And then think about that Johanna calls Rook specifically his “paramour”. Which is a lover, especially an illicit one. This word was very specifically chosen by Johanna. For various reasons, I would think.

For one, I do believe that it is a dig at his dreams of the eternal flame. It’s a dig at him, that Rook is not his love, but his paramour. A lover for a time. To be parted from soon enough. B/c that silly dream of his, as if it ever would become reality.

Second, I think it is a comment on the way his relationships often went, especially in the past years. Those unserious flings of his. Never to amount to anything substantial.

Did he try to have something serious in the past? Oh yes, for sure. But it never worked out. Then he gave up his dream and just let himself have a good time with people he found to be nice and attractive.

To pick up my point of self-sabotage from my last meta post – I’ve come to a point where I believe Emmrich is a kind of chaser. I know someone like that and it’s so fucking tragic.

Emmrich feels deeply and strongly. When he falls in love with someone it’s a lot of emotion. But at that point it’s all dream, want, wish. As soon as someone returns these feelings - those dreams, wants and wishes become reality. And reality is scary. In this wishful dream about the eternal flame, there is no fear. No fights. No loss. But that is not reality. As soon as it becomes reality, he gets scared. Before, his feelings were no threat, because you can’t lose what you don’t have. Once those feelings are returned, there is a clear possibility of losing, of being lost, of being left behind.

Emmrich is not a chaser because he enjoys the hunt. He is a chaser because being loved by someone is scary. So damn scary. So, he starts to pick fights and is looking for excuses. From being the chaser, he becomes the chased. He is hunted by his fears, and his fight or flight instincts go all flight.

After years of this cycle he gives up. Resigns himself to flings and little romances without even thinking of more. Or so he thinks. Dreams like that don’t die, they just get buried.

And I’d think that there was not many, even of those short term flings, lately. His life revolves around work and Manfred.

Now remember he comments on Rook “showing unexpected interest in a new companion”.

First of all – unexpected.

They are a daring adventurer. He thinks of himself clearly as the more boring one, compared to Rook. He never expected any of those flirts. But he is clearly flattered.

Second – companion.

That was such a weird way of saying “hey do you like me?”. This whole “companion” thing does not scream “I have FEELZ for you/you have FEELZ for me” but rather, “I think you might want to spend some quality time with me”.

The possible answers - dashing good looks, kindness, his way of words.

He feels he is fortunate if Rook thinks him good looking. Hallo, Mr. Professor, sir… Have you looked in the mirror lately? Consider that he is meticulously grooming himself, takes his exercises daily in the morning. That man does not like himself aging. I think it is a reminder of how his pending death is a step closer every day. But it shows, to him, that his efforts of taking care of himself are not in vain. Or maybe it shows him that his age does not matter. Rook finds him attractive despite (or because) of his physical age.

Rooks comment on his very charming way of putting things makes him hope his years behind the lectern have proved useful. Hey *years* behind the lectern. Again, this is a way of saying his age is NOT a problem but a benefit.

If Rook remarks his kindness, he answers “you humble me”. It’s the one answer that does not touch his age/experience/looks. It’s a remark on an innate character trait he possesses. Kindness. His whole demeanor in this option shows he is actually touched. And maybe a bit baffled. He did not expect this, at all. Its like he sees his kindness not as an attractive trait. Which he should. He is nice without TM and its sexy as hell.

The next part is his statement “If your attentions go beyond charming flattery… that would interest me, indeed”. This reads to me not necessarily as “do you have feelings for me” but as “do you just enjoy the flirting, or do you want to do more than flirting?”

And oh boy, does he want to do more than flirting. I want to repeat my earlier statement – this man has given up on love. But some little fling with an exiting young adventure who was constantly, awkwardly flirting with him? Hell, yeah.

(I want to remind you that we were able to have mutually enjoyed flirts with Dorian as fem!Inky. You can flirt with someone and still never want to fuck them. And you are also perfectly able to want more than flirting without having deeper feelings. Like sweet, dump Shepaloo said it so eloquently “Lets bang, okay?”)

Again, I want to pick up a point of my last post, that this is all surface level thoughts. I do believe that their emotional attraction and depth of feelings go deeper, from the start. But how often does it take quite a bit of time to realize one’s own feelings. Especially this wonderful, silly man whose modus operandi is running away.

Now, an interested Rook can answer in an open “lets see where this goes” way. Mirroring his rather open idea of a little romance, a fling, some quality time. Something that does not have to end in an eternal flame, but a simple enjoyment and exploration of the moment.

Rook can also reply with a “I think they do.” – What Rook actually says is “I think they already…”

And conveniently Rooks answer here is cut short by our sweet boy Manfred. They get cut short, no matter what answer you choose, but in this specific case, I am convinced this was very much on purpose. What would the whole sentence have been?

“I think they already go way beyond flattery.” (?!?) Something along those lines. But that goes into danger zone. WAY into danger zone.

If Rook had finished that sentence, at that point in their budding romance? It would have been over before is all started. Too much, too soon. Too much for him, period.

Now we have the hard lock – their sweet romantic moment in the Memorial Gardens. And he is smitten. He fell hook, line, and sinker for his own play pretend. Just a little romance, but that man is falling, fast. (Not that he would admit that to himself).

A beautiful date, all arranged by Emmrich, to spend time with Rook. Because a couple should have a quite moment to get to know each other. I mean there were menu cards with gilded edges, ffs. And, oh yes, they were “lets dig into the feelings”, he said couple. He is falling, falling, falling fast. But it still hasn’t hit him, how deep he has fallen for his darling Rook. Poor Emmrich.

Then a fight, where we really see the wet kitten side of him for the first time. A little wet, feral kitten, hissing at the hand that’s trying to feed it.

Emmrich is lashing out for no good reason (or no good reason for anyone but himself). There is no real confidence there but a desperate act of pretending. An iron (slipping) grip, trying to control himself and the narrative. Shoulders squared, back straight, an arrogant stance, raised chin, turned half-away from Rook, and a condescending way of talking to Rook.

Like I said in my last post – he is working his way up to breaking up with them. And he tells himself it’s like ripping off a bandaid. Be strong and confident and say what you have to say, and they will see the wisdom of that.

It’s only that, they don’t. Because there IS NO wisdom in what he is doing right now. They don’t take his bullshit but throw it back at him. They don’t accept his mock excuses.

Look at him here, how he looks down ON them. I can’t recall any other time he looks down on Rook, despite him being a tall king.

Especially the route where Rook throws it in his face that he DOES in fact love them. Speak what he can’t even think.

“I can’t… At my…”

“I can’t love you. At my age…” Why not? Does he not deserve love, just because he is a bit older? It’s just heartbreaking how he views himself.

And again, he lashes out.

“I am perfectly serious.” So is Rook.

“One of us has to pay attention to these things.” As if Rook is not paying attention. They got to the meat and bones of his problem in just a few seconds.

No matter what route you go here, the gist is the same. He is scared shitless, treats Rook like a child, and goes on how the is the only one thinking the important thoughts.

When Rook in reality way ahead of him. They thought about it and came to the conclusion that being with Emmrich is a really good idea.

Rook knew they were falling for someone older than them. (Even if that age difference is just a decade, with a mid-40s Rook.) They knew it, and still went with it. They are not a child who is too inexperienced and stupid to make decisions about their (love) life.

But now, here, at this moment? Emmrich treats them with disdain. Like a silly little person, who does not think things through. He holds himself above them. Physically and mentally. They are too young, he knows better.

And not once has he done that before. He always treated them as an equal. He follows them into the most dangerous situations ffs. He trusts them with his life in a fight against would-be gods.

All that fear and anger at himself that reaches a new high get redirected at Rook.

The next day they are off to Tearstone Island. That night must have been hell. For both of them. But its going to get much much worse.

In any case, Emmrich seems to have come to some conclusion or realization, because on that island? He apologizes.

They both did react very emotionally, but he came at Rook with superiority and, to a certain degree, dishonesty. All fueled by his fear. So that he is the one to take the first step and apologize to Rook instead of doubling down? An important step. As I said in my last post – he NEEDED to be called out. A sweet and nice counterargument would not have had the impact Rooks raw an honest emotion hat on him.

Emmrich “Rook? Darling? I wanted to say-“

Rook “Yeah, about that argument…”

Emmrich “(Sighs) It’s no time to apologize, is it?”

And here we have the most heartbreaking line, in hindsight. “We’ll talk back home, Emmrich. I promise.”

(Narrator: but they would, in fact, not talk about it back home. Because someone would not go home.)

One fight and weeks of horror later, they find themselves in a private crypt and finally they do more than share a kiss.

Now - to the point I originally wanted to explore with this post – is this in fact their first time? (I am sorry, but my brain is a circle and nothing makes sense)

Let’s look at what evidence we have from the cut-scene.

Rook did not know he is an early riser.

That leaves two possibilities:

They never had sex up until that point.

They did have sex, but never spent the night together.

Now what does that mean?

This depends a lot on your personal Rook and how they feel about sex in general. If Rook wants to wait, or is not ready, he will absolutely accept and respect that.

But for the sake of this analysis lets go with the idea that Rook is not opposed to sex at an earlier date.

They never slept with each other

Why? He clearly was not opposed to casual relationships in the past. What would hold him back now? Especially if you recall Laces comment about them moving fast. Why not jump into the bedroom?

Now my first crack theory is that they get interrupted, like every time. (Rook interrupted The Dread Wolf, and now he cursed them to always be interrupted when they want to have some private time)

But now, in all seriousness, maybe it’s just that part of him DOES realize that this goes beyond a very unserious relationship. That they both have deeper feelings, that spark of something greater, something beautiful.

So, he holds back. He does not give his all. He is charming, he is flirty, he takes Rook on dates. But it’s all very technical. Very performative. Yes, he is a very romantic man, yes he enjoys those moments. But there is always a feeling of control.

Those moments when you see him let go a bit (that kiss beneath the eternal lovers, “I think, sometimes you indulge me”), are so beautiful and you glimpse a bit of the man behind those walls.

He has a tell, you see. (I am telling you about it further down)

But generally, he feels very much in control of himself. And to lie with Rook? To go all the way? Too dangerous. Who knows what happens in that sweet moment after la petit mort? What secrets would his lips spill?

2. They slept together, but did not spent the night together.

They do have sex, but sleep alone in their own beds. Casual sex is fine, but to fall asleep in each other’s arms? Too much. Too real. Sex okay, but sleepy post coitus cuddly? Woah, slow down your horses.

So, they have sex, preferably in Rooks bed. First, does he even have a bed? Second, it’s way easier to leave Rooks bed after the act, than throwing them out afterwards.

Oh, and how many reasons he has. Rook needs their uninterrupted sleep; they are stressed and must have proper rest. He wants to get some reading done before he retires. He needs to look after Manfred.

Oh, he is a bad liar, for sure. He is lying more to himself than to Rook. I would think that (if this is the build up to their fight) Rook realizes that he is giving poor excuses.

And the sex itself? A technical 10/10. He knows his anatomy, after all. But his heart is not really in it. He can’t allow himself to. He holds back, keeps a tight lid on his emotions. They both are well spent afterwards, but like so much else, it’s performative. Technically very well executed, but rarely do you see HIM, the real him, behind all that performance. Whenever something slips through, he reels back and closes up.

And then we are in that crypt. Rook was gone for weeks. The last thing they said that night before were words of anger. Rook called him out on his feelings and from that point on there was no possible way of lying to himself anymore. Those feelings were there. They were real. Rooks feelings were real. And those weeks spent in desperation, trying to  get them back? Those walls came crashing down.

His true face, when all the walls are gone? You see that face when Rook leads him to the coffin. There is no pretense anymore. No performance. Just him, and all his love for Rook. The amount of emotion the animation team packed into those short moments in the cutscene? Mindblowing. Who ever crafted that expression on his face? They are the GOAT. I watch this part of that scene on repeat, and it never gets old.

So, I told you about how he has a tell, yes? Okay, two actually, but we all know surprised pikachu Emmrich. In that last scene it is resolved in the most beautiful way.

He looks down, when something touches him deeply, when he goes into his feels.

A few (way to many) examples:

And the worst wet kitten look? After the fight, when Rook leaves.

Its a look of shame. Of hurt. This man is hurting so badly.

Now here at the end we have that moment when Rook leads him to the coffin. His face turns down, like before. But here he looks up at Rook. He does not turn his eyes away but looks directly at them. Ahhh my heart.

Now, think about the fact that ROOK is leading in that moment?

In those moments where Rook leads or startles him (or is simply annoying enough so that the truth slips out), you see the most emotion from him.

Rooks flirting startles him, and he has a pikachu face reaction every time.

Their first kiss? Rook leans against the monument, and leans up, telling him without words that NOW is the time for a kiss. How can he not go for a second kiss?

That moment when Rook calls Manfred “our son”? He very conveniently ignores the word “OUR” and goes in defense mode over the word “son”. But called out on his feelings for Manfred? How can he deny them? He has tears in his voice when he says how he would not exchange this moment for anything? A real, deep emotion.

In their fight Emmrich is again all technical, all performance, so logical (or what he sells himself as logic). But Rook wrestles that moment from him and takes lead, calls him out on his bullshit.

In the crypt Rook pulls him up into a kiss and then leads him to the coffin, guiding him, taking him with them.

Most of the other times he takes the lead, very much in control. But the most emotions you get from him, are those times Rooks leads, when he lets go of this tight control over himself, or he is startled in to a reaction. For all the age difference that is played up in their relationship, in the important moments Rook is the one who guides. And he follows where they lead.

Those little moans he makes? If they did have sex before, I bet he did not make those sounds then. Where they did have some incredible sex, now they are making love. Open, vulnerable. He gives in.

And then they fall asleep together. Skin to skin, arms and legs intertwined. Their hands caressing, no sound but that of their heartbeats and soft breaths. Pure and utter contentment. In that moment nothing exists but them. Can you imagine that moment he woke up? The amount of emotions he must have felt then? This need to speak those little words? Those huge little words. He does not say them, not yet. But he is almost ready.  

Finally, they stand there, on the battlefield of Elgar’nans madness. And he tells Rook. The last wall falls. Gives the most precious thing he can give to anyone.

“I love you.”

[hannieehaee]

Hello,how are you,hope everything is going well in your life ☺️

May I ask please for SVT reaction if their SO is serious and always wears poker face person but she has soft spot only for him🙏🏻

And may I add God bless all tumblr writers, thanks to you guys I’m learning English language 🫶🏻

their cold s/o having a soft spot for them

content: established relationship implied, fluff, etc.

wc: 633

a/n: i hope things are going well for you too! sorry this took so long. i hope you like it!!

masterlist

seungcheol -

good. it's exactly as it should be. he's a little possessive, so this just works perfectly for him! everyone who knows you knows about your soft spot for him and he thrives in it.

jeonghan -

jokes and teases you about being obsessed with him as soon as he notices how differently you act around him in comparison to everyone else. would constantly use this as leverage to get you to do or say things. can't really blame you, though. so many people have a soft spot for him.

joshua -

he thinks its the cutest thing. sometimes he cant help but laugh when he sees you light up at his presence. your soft spot for him is such a serotonin boost for him. like damn you must really like him!

jun -

he gets a little flustered when he realizes you have a soft spot specifically for him and no one else. is he that fun to be around? is he that much of a light in your life? won't ever actually question it, but rather just grow to enjoy it.

soonyoung -

he probably doesnt even realize you tend to have a poker face or be perceived as cold for other people. he mostly pays attention to how you treat him and is too distracted by your existence to realize he's the only person you ever smile around.

wonwoo -

he thinks its adorable. loves how you could look like you're having the worst time of your life up until you spot him, lighting up immediately. he knows you're not actually miserable unless he's there, but he still finds it cute that there's such a contrast in your attitude between when he's with you and when he's not.

jihoon -

you guys are twins!! he gets told a lot that he seems cold, that some people are put off by his closed-off exterior sometimes. when he met you, he'd completely understand how most people felt around him. except he'd soon realize that you'd made an exception for him, being the sweetest person alive to him in specific. he'd just have to return the favor.

seokmin -

he kind of loves it. it just means he gets to try and make you crack a smile or a laugh while in public. he knows you have a soft spot for him, but he'd want to show it off to everyone else, show them that you're whipped for him as he is for you.

mingyu -

he also tries to get you to smile more often in public. he makes it his own personal mission to make sure how pretty your smile is since most of the time you have a poker face. but at the same time, he also enjoys keeping you to himself sometimes.

minghao -

he's known to appear more serious than he actually is, so he relates. you'd have a very specific dynamic where you both have a soft spot for the other while keeping a safe distance from most other people. he'd really enjoy this.

seungkwan -

you'd kind of remind him of vernon lol. he'd find it cute, same as he does with vernon. he's such a bright person, always smiling and making others smile, making him the exact opposite of you. you'd balance each other out pretty well.

vernon -

you're both misinterpreted for being cold sometimes, even though its just a case of having a poker face. it'd be a funny sight to see for everyone else, how you'd both instantly light up any time you were together.

chan -

it makes him feel special. it's like there's a whole side of you only he gets to have and it's a huge privilege he doesn't take for granted. sometimes he'll even go out of his way to ensure you're extra smiley and happy when you're with him.

[kaivenom]

It's always one piece dilfs with a younger spouse and never OP DILFs with an even older spouse (possibly milf)

One Piece Dilfs x MILF!reader

Characters: Mihawk, Doflamingo, Crocodile, Smoker,Shanks.

Masterlist

Dracule Mihawk

He say he doesn't care about your age and it's mostly true but...

When you get mandatory, badass or just independent strong being, he just melts.

Normal life and normal behavior except that he gets a little submissive around you.

Even if he doesn't show, he is at your feet.

Feet massages, relaxing bathtubes, chatting with wine and reading in slience are ones of your favourites activities together.

He doesn't have the need to be extremely chivalrous but sometimes, when he gets jelaous, he can start carrying you in bridal style, getting flowers, putting his arm on your waist...

You both don't need to be chatty or noisy to express your love, you both are really experienced in subbtle affection.

Donquixote Doflamingo

A big simp.

At first he saw you as a threat, but like, for just a little amount of time.

Then he started to see you as some type of monument or muse, someone older and worse than him (in his good way).

He started following your steps really close, to the point you thought he was a stalker.

He justified that he was learning from you.

Plot twist, the moment you gave him a kiss and a smile, he never stopped asking for them, and know you are his spouse.

He likes to hoard all your attention and never leave you alone with any other person his age or similar, he gets really jelaous.

The best of everything is yours and you are the only one that can yell at him at public.

The excuse it's that your age and experience gives you the right to question his leadership, but don't worry, he gets payback later.

Sr. Crocodile

At first he doesn't know if it's cause you are more experienced that him or that you are powerfull and ready to challenge him, but automatically he feels driven to you.

Once he gets the signals right and knows that you feel it too, he would absolutely ask you out.

No shame, he is your sugar daddy, even though you are older.

He is just a simp at your feet (he doesn't show it in public).

He orders the best buffets, hotel rooms, dates, etc.

Only the best for the best.

You always say that you don't mind him spending money on you or not but he never stops giving you his money.

Nobody expects it but you both are really cuddly when you both are alone, sometimes he is even the little spoon (rarely).

Smoker

You were his superior, so everytime he could he would either melt under your orders/pressence or try to show his worth and question you.

His mind had the "chain of command doesn't allow relationships" mantra really sticked into his head but when he got promoted and didn't saw you that often, he started to realize things.

He went full gentleman mode, to impress you.

He did all the things by manual and finally, you accepted marrying him.

That didn't stop him from being flustered by your pressence and worried of you being ashamed of him on social meetings.

He beomes something like your leash husband, always close and disciplined, following your orders (hoping his crew doesn't find out).

Very manly and anxious, he really really doesn't want to ruin your career. This led to the point where you have to always reassure him.

Akagami Shanks

He is oblivious, since he doesn't care for a lot of things, he just thought that you were funny and beautiful, that's it.

Then his crew started to make him see his patterns: remembering special things you said, getting you specific things (a sleeping mask, skincare, clothes).

Small things that just demostrate how much he listens to you and how much he gets the details.

So, gifts are a must every day, even if it's just him giving you a plate of food.

He starts to get into skincare and what you both call now "A spa day off", when he isn't the captain and you are just a couple that spends the day eating and resting.

If you have an actual spa near by, then you go there. Most of the time, you both improvise something on the ship and nobody dares to go where you both are.

For Shanks, that are the best moments with you cause he can see you taking care of yourself, you can take care of him and he can take it for himself (especially for his ghost pain on the arm.

[so-otterly-jaded]

I'm probably way wrong from a professional/medical stance, but personally, if a disability has to negatively impact your life to qualify, then an addiction has to do the same. And I don't mean like people on the Internet having a problem with it, like, it actively prevents you from doing normal people things. It interferes with relationships of all kinds, keeps you from meeting deadlines, makes you actively neglect major things like eating, sleeping, caring for children or pets, etc.

Like yeah, if you're driving out of town for the fifth time in a week to get a specific milkshake instead of taking your sick cat to the vet because then you couldn't afford the gas for your milkshakes, then it's safe to say you have a problem. If you're just looking at porn because you're already procrastinating and you'd just keep procrastinating anyways just with something else, then the problem is not the porn.

this shit is soooooo infuriating to me like some people have trouble climaxing through NO fault of their own—maybe it’s a natural variation of their bodies maybe it’s medication side effects maybe it’s trauma—it’s actually really common and it’s something that makes a lot of people feel really ashamed and miserable… you haven’t “masturbated yourself into dysfunction” in fact masturbation often helps you get better at figuring out what makes you climax like !!!!!!! and even if you HAVE been hitting the vibe too hard recently you can always cool off for a week or two until you get in the mood again. your clit isn’t ruined forever. christ. this chewed-gum approach to sex simply does not have a basis in fact. pleasure is not a scarce resource

[trender-official]

do you have any general ideas for what a yandere jayce talis x reader would be like

i have MANY thoughts about this. first of all i don’t think jayce would ever know he’s yandere. and i don’t think you’d recognize it at first either!! i think he’d be very protective after the attack on the council but not so much before hand. i think he’d be very trusting of you, honestly. i don’t think he’d ever be scared of you leaving more so of you being TAKEN. i’ll give some specifics bellow the cut

let’s start off with you and him in a viktor type scenario

you’re lab partners

i think this is where he would trust you the most

he knows you’re not scheming or anything like that

he genuinely believes you would never turn your back on him

(which means if you do it gets… bad. only time he’d get violent)

you’d likely be spending most of your time together early on(pre councilor jayce)

so he doesn’t feel the need to worry!

but after…

oh boy.

he would station guards outside your lab… just in case

one with you when you go to lunch too

ESPECIALLY if you’re publicly together

he would definitely not let you go anywhere by yourself

he would usually listen to you on matters, except when it came to hextech in weapons

he wouldn’t give a fuck lol

he’d have too much at stake

he’d definitely use his status on the council to manipulate you (not that he knows that’s what he’s doing)

he’d tell you “it would be so easy for people to target you without enforcers there! they’d do anything to get to me”

and you honestly can’t argue

which is what starts to sow anger in you

because your so used to being able to argue with him and that being your means of communication

but he’d just have so much power over you

you wouldn’t be equals anymore (not that he’d see that)

now if you were in mel’s position

i think he’d be a lot more protective and a lot less trusting

he’d definitely feel intimidated by your power and work to undermine that a lot

this is the only time i can imagine him using his physical strength to overpower you

it makes him feel better about himself

he’d probably try to force you to retire

especially after the attack

not because he thinks your incompetent!

but because he’s scared for you

he doesn’t even think HE should be a councilor after that LOL

he would probably try to bribe your guards for info on what you’re doing

just to keep tabs

he’d probably try to distract you from arguments with affection too

because he doesn’t like to argue with you anymore

he doesn’t want to be forced to see that you’re equals

even though he’d never admit if you weren’t

he’d probably want to take the relationship more public

so he could guilt you with it

because it would make you look bad if you broke up!!

very centered on looks in this scenario

he’d def dress you up a lot

very gilded cage core

would want to be married super quick

and have kids(if ur able ofc)

you have to continue great minds!!

anyway i think this one is worse

to say the least

either way, jayce is honestly not the worst yandere to end up with!! he’s probably the best in arcane at least.

[lesbiancosmicowl]

I'm not into gratitude journals, but if I was, your name'd be in it. ↳ Carla & Betsy + Oops! I’m co-parenting my best friend’s daughter! (pt. 2)