#get greebled idiot

[the-backspin-alchemist]

Reblog to greeble your followers.

[brapclinic]

get greebled idiot

had to show you guys. he looks so unbelievably bad. for context he always gets shit crusted in his fur because he doesn’t maintain it so my mom decided to give him a haircut and wanted to even it out

[celesteateyourrights]

GET GREEBLED, IDIOT

[cavalierprimetime]

Get greebled, idiot *greebles you*

[screpdoodle]

Duality - Chapter Two (The Idiosyncrasies Caused by the Troll Agenda)

"Settle down, settle down!" The com system of the ship crackled to life, a heavy Irish accent coming through, rising Kaos from his rest. "We'll be nearing the school in under an hour! Get ye stuff together and be ready to disembark!" None of the kids seemed to notice, or at least register they had heard the announcement. They were too involved with their own petty little lives. Kaos sighed, putting his backpack back on and getting to his feet. The ship wasn't descending quite yet, but he could see a few other islands and vessels speckling the sky. Oh, how he yearned to know their stories, the mysteries each and every one held. He leaned against the railing, resting his head in his hands, watching the sights slowly flow past. The sky was now an unfamiliar powdery blue, as opposed to the faint reds he was used to back home. Both were intriguing in their own rights, of course, but he had yet to grow used to the blue that the rest of Skylands apparently held as a usual sight. Kaos sighed, reaching his hand out, feeling the wind flowing over his fingertips. The cool fall breeze, carrying with it the magic that made Skylands what it is. If he focused, he could almost feel it, the pure energy. Or maybe that was just him losing circulation to his extended digits. Kaos chuckled to himself, pulling his hand back, the sensation of his fingers falling asleep setting in. It had most definitely been the latter. Kaos slipped his hands into his pockets, took a step away from his corner, and froze.

BANG!

There it was again. The engine misfiring. But this time, Kaos swore the sound was coming from directly below him. He knelt down, placing his hand on the boards of the deck, raising an eyebrow. He could feel the vibrations of people's footsteps, their voices all swarming together into a mess of gibberish he couldn't make out, until he heard it again, cutting through the slurry of noise. BANG!! This time, other people seemed to hear it too, judging by how they began looking around, but like before they seemed to brush it off. Just assuming the old ship was just doing its usual old ship thing. But this, Kaos knew, this was far from its usual. The old barge may have been made from shoddy craftsmanship, but this didn't just seem like its usual nonsense. This was something foreign. This was something… new. The talking had grown quieter, or maybe he had just become more focused, but whichever it may had been, Kaos needed to know what was happening. He looked around quickly, making his way to the staircase that lead down below deck. He pushed the door open, blatantly ignoring the "Staff Only" sign taped to its rusted surface, before he darted down the stairs. He took two at a time, his heart racing, feet barely touching the ground as he scrambled around the corner and into the room below deck. He pushed the door open, then skidded to a complete stop.

"PUT YOUR BACKS INTO IT BOYS!" BANG! Kaos held onto the door frame as the ship lurched to the side, a tree trunk sized battering ram getting lodged in the hull of the ship. The three creatures that were holding onto it wrenching the battering ram out of the dent they had made, readying for another strike. Kaos recognized them almost immediately, from their stout figures to their green skin. Kaos has read about them many times, but had never seen one in person. Let alone a whole group of them. Trolls. Five trolls, to be exact. Three of them were the typical image you'd see, stout bodies and long, muscular limbs, their caricature-esque faces twisted into grimaces as they wound up for another hit before ultimately dropping the battering ram, the noise it caused just as earsplitting. The fourth was bigger, about the size of the other three if they were mashed all together into one massive mega-troll. A long nose took up most of his face, paired with beady eyes (hidden within a mop of ginger hair) and a wide, snarling mouth. His floppy ears hung at the sides of its head, framing the monstrous mess perfectly. But the one that caught Kaos' attention the most was the fifth troll. Kaos knew quite a bit about trolls. He knew that their idea of fun was shoving lit dynamite down each other's pants. Their day job was oppressing smaller Mabu towns, and their favorite pastime was making faux paintings and ancient relics that would normally explode before you even got home with them. All of this added up with the first four, but the fifth troll seemed far from what Kaos understood trolls to act like. He sat off to the side on one of the crates, his face hidden in his green hands. He was a gangly thing, with slender limbs and a mess of curly, ginger hair sprouting from his head. His clothes were a lot neater than the others, actually looking like they had been washed within the last week. Nothing added up about him.

"Come on you idiots!! Get off your lazy butts and get back to work!!" The fourth troll snarled, flecks of yellowish spit flying from his mouth. His voice was sour enough to curdle milk.

The other trolls hoisted the battering ram up once again, then charged at the hull, lodging it into the same dent once again. Kaos stumbled back, nearly falling flat on his back. The ship may have been rickety, but that battering ram wasn't going to get through any time soon. Especially on the section they were working at. Before the thought crossed his mind that announcing himself was probably a bad idea, Kaos cleared his throat.

"By the Ancients, what do you think you're doing??" His shrill voice cut through the air, drawing the attention of the trolls all at once. Even the one in the corner. The main four exchanged glances, then dropped the battering ram onto the uneven flooring. "I've heard trolls are dull, but honestly. Did you really think that twig was gonna buckle the hull? You'd need something at least twice as dense. Or maybe even something less primitive. Like a flamethrower."

The trolls exchanged glances, before the biggest troll pushed past the others, towering over Kaos. Kaos did his best to maintain his cool composure, crossing his arms across his puffed-out chest. Too late to back out now. He needed to think of an actual plan, quickly.

"Well well well," the main troll snarled, crouching down. "What do we have here?"

"A human that seems to know more about demolition than you do." Kaos spoke back.

The troll's amused grin twisted itself into a frown, his yellowed teeth showing through his parted lips. "A human."

Kaos felt his breath catch in his throat as a large, meaty hand grabbed him by the collar of his coat, lifting him up off of the ground.

"A puny thing like you. Is a human," the troll scoffed. From where he was holding him, Kaos could smell his pungent breath. It reeked of rattail stew and week old sheep wool pie.

"N-Not just a mere human!" Kaos squirmed in the troll's grasp, his mind running a thousand miles a minute. "I, Kaos, am a Portal Master!!"

That grabbed their attention. Kaos could see the gears in the biggest troll's head grinding, his beady yellow eyes peering out from beneath his untamed mop. Despite dangling in the air, and being not even half of the troll's size, Kaos tried his best to look imposing. Trolls were supposed to be dumb, their intellect only comparable to things like Greebles or the common Chompy. So of course they'd buy such a clear fib, right? Kaos wasn't a Portal Master. He was the farthest thing from one. Even if they weren't simply a myth parents told their kids so they would behave, Mother being one of them, Kaos was far from magical. He was intellectual, not mythical. But hopefully these trolls were dense enough to believe the tales. And that he was one of them. As the seconds ticked past, Kaos began growing more and more proud of this fib he had concocted, seeing as it had seemed to stop the trolls in their tracks as they worked their brains around it. That feeling was quickly snuffed, though, as the main troll burst into laughter, the other three following suit.

"Oh my Ancients, this twerp is hilarious!!" He cackled, tossing Kaos to the ground, at the feet of the others.

"Listen, 'Kaos'." He knelt down, coming face to face with him. Kaos had to do his best not to hurl at the stench of the troll's breath. "You're funny, mini-human. But that's quickly getting on my nerves. So why don't you get out of our way and bear witness to the greatest family of trolls to ever grace the Umbra Isles!"

"The 'greatest family of trolls' uses a battering ram to try to sink a reinforced school ship?" Kaos raised an eyebrow, sneering. He couldn't help himself. He knew he was actively digging his own grave, but he just didn't know when to stop.

The troll paused, then looked to the three behind Kaos. "...Ascral, you told me this was a cargo transport ship!!" He stepped over Kaos, the troll's bare foot nearly colliding with Kaos' skull.

"I-It is!!" One of the three, Ascral, stammered, putting his hands up in defense. "It- It transports people!"

"People aren't cargo!! We were supposed to sink the ship and take the cargo back as proof!! We can't bring back a boatload of kids!!"

Kaos rolled his eyes, ignoring the fact that his hands were shaking as he started crawling back towards the staircase. If he could get out while they were bickering amongst each other, hopefully the ship would dock and he would be able to get away scott-free. For a split second, Kaos looked over to the troll in the corner. He had looked up, his warm grey eyes meeting Kaos' for only a moment. Kaos felt his heart skip a beat, then stop altogether when he heard one of the other trolls shout: "Thropp!! The human's getting away!!"

Kaos screamed as he was wrenched up off of the ground, a sweaty hand clamping down over his mouth.

"And where do you think you're going, maggot," Thropp spat, eyeing Kaos through his shaggy hair. "We're not letting you get away that easily."

Kaos kicked his legs trying to writhe out of the goliath troll's grasp. In a panic, he sunk his teeth into Thropp's hand, ignoring the putrid taste of sweat and blood that filled his mouth. Thropp reeled back, squealing like a little girl as he dropped Kaos to the ground. He stumbled back, tripping over the other trolls in the process. Kaos spit out a mouthful of olive green blood, then broke into a mad dash for the door.

"Glumshanks!! Stop the human!!" He heard Thropp shout, looking back over his shoulder. The gangly troll had gotten up off of his crate, glancing from Kaos to the other trolls in a panic before a loud CLANG filled the room and Kaos fell back, his head hitting the metal flooring. The room spun, his ears ringing. He looked up to see the doorframe he had collided with, his vision soon filled with the silhouette of the goliath troll he had been trying to get away from. The last thing he heard was Thropp's slimy voice cutting through the ringing in his head.

"Zhoarc, Haldir, Ascral! Grab the rope. We have to make sure this maggot doesn't get in our way again."

The troll, who Kaos had deduced to be Glumshanks, was supposed to be keeping a close eye on him; despite the fact that he was practically hogtied, trapped in the corner between the wall and a stack of crates. Kaos had only been out cold for a few minutes, he assumed, though thinking with a splitting headache was growing to be quite cumbersome so he couldn't tell for certain. He had tried explaining to the trolls that he wouldn't have gone squealing to the adults, that just wasn't how he worked, but they clearly didn't trust him. Which was fair. Kaos squirmed against the shaggy rope that was wrapped around his limbs, muttering to himself. He could hear the other trolls bickering, but he couldn't make out the words. Not that it would have helped him. He needed to think of a plan, some way he could get out of this situation, but his mind kept drawing blanks. For once in his life, Kaos felt stuck. That was, until he noticed Glumshanks.

The lanky troll was back on his crate, chin resting in his hands, watching the other trolls as they finally decided to get back to work. His grey eyes were full of longing, his mouth bent into a small frown. He looked complacent. He looked… useful. Kaos shifted his way over to the troll best he could, using his shoulder to nudge the troll's leg. Glumshanks jumped slightly, then looked down, as if just remembering Kaos was there.

"Oh… hello," he sighed. He had a low, melancholy voice. "If you want me to move, I don't think I'm allowed. But believe me, I'd love to as much as the next-"

"No, fool!" Kaos interrupted, his voice barely above a whisper, "I want you to untie me. But make sure that ugly oaf over there doesn't see you, or we're both in a boatload of trouble."

Glumshanks blinked slowly, then looked away. Kaos looked incredulously up at him, frustration bubbling up in the back of his throat.

"Did you not hear me-"

"I heard you," Glumshanks glanced back down. "But for one, I don't appreciate that tone of voice. Two, that 'ugly oaf' is my brother. Three, I don't feel like risking my well-being for a human I just met."

"...that's your brother," Kaos raised an eyebrow.

"Did you not hear him shouting about the 'greatest family of trolls in the umbra isles'? That includes me. The runt of the litter."

Glumshanks gave a drawn out sigh, looking away again. Kaos furrowed his brow, lingering on the last part of the sentence. Runt of the litter. While Glumshanks was nowhere close to being a 'runt', Kaos understood what he meant. Compared to the others, Glumshanks definitely looked weaker. Nothing about his demeanor screamed 'troll' (aside from the obvious physical attributes) whereas the others, well, you'd know from a mile away what they were. Kaos sighed, then nudged Glumshanks' leg once more.

"Hey, I'm, uh…" He faltered, trying to hide the small twinge of guilt he actually felt. "I'm sorry, mkay? I didn't mean to call your brother ugly-"

"He is."

"...what."

"He's definitely hard on the eyes, you weren't wrong. But go on."

Kaos exhaled through his nose, now even more confused than before. "If you agree with me, why in Skylands did you get all uppity??"

"It's the principle of the-" Glumshanks flinched as the sound of wood splintering against metal filled the room, "of the situation."

"Okay, well, whatever," Kaos' eyes trailed back over to the other trolls, watching as Thropp slammed his foot against the ground and the three others charged at the hull. "...why aren't you helping them?"

"I'd slow them down. Besides, it's not really my scene. They handle the action, I handle the paperwork."

"If they do succeed," Kaos carried on, as much as the concept of a troll doing paperwork intrigued him, "how're you all going to get away? If you manage to sink the ship, well, I don't see any other vessel you can use to get away on."

Glumshanks was silent, his ears twitching as the battering ram made contact with the wall once more. "...they didn't think that far ahead. All that matters is we get an A on the project."

"Did you? Think ahead, I mean."

The troll looked over, the two locking eyes once again. Kaos understood what it was like, to be the odd one out. Of course, he wouldn't admit it, but maybe he could use that to his advantage.

"Listen, troll-"

"Glumshanks."

"Yes, right, whatever. If you help untie me, I can help you with this little… situation."

"...how?"

"Untie me, then we can discuss details."

"...fine. But only because I'm tired of being here."

Kaos could have sworn he noticed the corners of the troll's mouth twitch into a smile, his gaze softening, but it was gone quickly. The gangly troll looked back to his brothers, then slid off of the crate, coming to crouch beside Kaos. He felt Glumshanks tug on the ropes, then begin going to work. Before long, the ropes slid to the ground with a dull thud, leaving Kaos to readjust and reassess. He rubbed his wrists where the ropes had cut into them, then looked back to Glumshanks. He could run. Glumshanks clearly wasn't strong enough to stop him if he did, and the other trolls were too busy with their idiotic plan to notice him. He could leave and just continue on with his life like nothing had happened. But as Kaos moved to stand up, something stopped him. Whether it was the look on Glumshanks' face, or the fact that this troll was an anomaly Kaos desperately wanted to know more about, or maybe even the fact that he related to him on some microscopic level. Kaos shifted around to face Glumshanks, managing a smile.

"Alright, troll. Let's get this show on the road."

<- previous chapter | next chapter ->

[electricxmayhem]

8, 24, 63 for dnd asks?

Thank you!!

8. What is something they cannot resist?

March can’t resist a chance to take charge or be a ‘brave leader’. Problem is, he always jumps at the opportunity so quick he doesn’t give himself a chance to actually think of a plan of action, so most of these endeavours end up being mistakes. (That doesn’t stop him though, it’s always bound to work out next time!)

24. What’s a controversial food opinion they would have?

Oh pretty much every food opinion March has is controversial. He eats bugs, and he really knows nothing about good food. He ate a raw egg when there was cooked eggs available (but that was mostly bravado). He does like strawberry ice cream, but unfortunately he discovered he is deathly allergic to strawberries.

63. Which party member would they pull a prank on? Who would they plan a prank with?

There would have been a time that Greeble would have been the target for pranks, as a misguided way of getting his attention, but to be honest the guy is under enough stress right now (and March is coming around to some more straightforward ways of interacting with him). So in that case I think it would be Cooper, but Cooper would probably kill him. Still, he’s an idiot so he would probably try to prank Cooper, to lighten his spirits or to get back at him without actually hurting him, and he’d probably try to recruit Tinsel. At this point it would really depend on whether Tinsel talked him out of it or not, if he would actually pull it off

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Midweek Confusion

OK, so this next week thing has slightly got away from me. As ever, by this point in a new week my recollection of the seven days past is blurring… Since my Google calendar stopped syncing with Facebook, even that once reliable tracker of things I expressed zero interest in has faded in its utility. Alas, I’ll have to go by memory; apologies in advance. 

  Alright, I’m genuinely stumped for the first couple of days, as far as the evenings go. I went back to the doctor’s – as I’ve been doing with frightful regularity since last July when we accidentally discovered that I have horrifically high blood pressure. My general understanding based on video games is that a high score is good, but apparently this does not follow in medicine. In order to prevent me from spontaneously stroking out (apparently a genuine risk even at my sprightly forty-one years) I’m being loaded up with various ACE and calcium channel blockers, but to counterbalance their potential for good, the ACE blockers offered a chance of trashing my kidneys, prompting fortnightly blood tests to make sure they hadn’t dissolved and begun circulating. They aren’t! Huzzah. But the ramipril didn’t do much on its own, other than not kill my organs, so now I’ve also got amlodipine (I may or may not verify these spellings… ) to work its mysterious way through the calcium channels. It’s all really quite interesting, to me at least since this is my frail puff-paste meat sack I live in. No more blood tests, and at a much higher dose is bringing my blood pressure down into merely prehypertension range, instead of the top end of stage 2 hypertension (down from my max of 180/109 to 140/90). Win. Plus, I’m now taking a proper Smarties assortment of pills, so that’s nice. Looks like it has a genetic cause, since I’m really quite healthy with my daily cycling and swimming routine, and my cholesterol is fine. In your face three kilos of Quality Streets and another three of cheese in December. Drugs for life – which is cool since I’ve been on asthma meds since an unknowably young age.

  For those uninterested in such health wranglings, tough: your body will begin to fail shortly, as I push these pins into this charming mannequin with a crude rendering of your features. But that can’t be all I did last week, right? Indeed, no. 

  Building: Lego

I have advanced a little with my pretty golden gates. I’ve expanded upwards, in adding mostly extra gold pieces. That’s a minor challenge because, as an inveterate hoarder, I feel like I should use them very sparingly and not deplete my stores. This is idiotic. The whole reason I’ve got the damn things is to use them! And that they look very pretty and they live in a box, and that makes me happy… As you can see I also greebled the fuck out of the walls, and gone way too far. I’ll find pics next week, but I’ve dismantled them in an attempt to make plainer walls which won’t detract so much from the magnificent pearlescent gold. 

    Watching: October Faction

We finished up watching the second-latest comic book adaptation to slide onto Netflix’s new releases bar (before Locke & Key, which unfortunately looks exactly the same but in Miss Peregrine’s Miserable House of Whatever instead – I’m sure it’s somehow different, and we’re bound to watch it eventually). Best described as Grimm crossed with Mean Girls, October Faction follows a family of monster hunters as they, um, hunt monsters and learn DARK secrets. Pretty chipper performances and casting made this a lot of fun, despite the incredibly predictable plot (not all monsters are monsters, your monster-killing organisation is surprisingly not all that chill). The high school stuff with a pair of twins trying to fit into the new town their parents have dragged them to works well, at least until they discover their own powers and the rest of the story unfurls. Very sexuality positive stuff too, which is always satisfying. Look, it’s not amazing, and the ending is a bit unsatisfying, but it’s a fun watch while you’re eating tea. I guess that’s a recommendation… 

    Watching: Birds of Prey, or the Film with a Whimsical Title about a Murderer (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)

I know, I know. It’s a DC movie, why do we even try to enjoy them any more. This is about Harley Quinn, Joker’s recent ex (I mean, literally at the start of this film} and how everyone hates her and wants to kill her, because she is, as I think they say, “just awful”. In the process of people trying to kill her she makes some friends, including a fairly amusing child pickpocket and somewhere in here there’s a story about a massive diamond with encrypted passwords carved in it. There’s several different people’s back stories in here, and they all weave together quite ineptly, constantly tripping the film up. We meet Huntress, who has no character other than being a crossbow wielding lady sad that she saw her parents get murdered (it’s OK, they were mobsters – there’s no reason why you should care at all) by another gang of mobsters, under the instruction of Ewan McGregor, who plays some twat who wears a mask for the final action scenes. I should mention that this might be a career worst performance for McGregor, even counting the Star Wars prequels. Fuck knows what his character is supposed to be. And that’s the tone really, none of the characters have any consistency or make sense (except possibly the pickpocket girl). We veer from snarky comic stuff with Harley, to McGregor’s minion slicing off people’s faces. Everything happens fast, or in pointless time-skipping. Jurnee Smollett-Bell’s Black Canary is pretty cool, except that her having superpowers seems totally irrelevant until she knocks some folks down in the finale. Rosie Perez’ Renee Montoya is described as speaking in cop cliches, and that’s what they give her in lieu of a character. Margot Robbie’s Harley Quinn gets to do some genuinely splendid action scenes, and it’s the fighting throughout that makes this mess of a film endurable. Lots of people seem excited by the glitter and beanbag gun scene on entering the police station, but it’s the fight as they leave which is truly splendid. Oh, Arkham looks good – suitably grim and filled with ridiculous architecture and funfairs. I’d rank this as the third best DC movie (of the recent crop, barring Wonderwoman none of their films are even as enjoyable as Batman Forever), after Wonderwoman and Shazam (smoky grey CGI baddies are so Green Lantern) but some steps ahead of fucking Aquaman with it’s ghastly rubbery Sea World. I’m perplexed by this film all round. It grows clearer and clearer that I have no grasp of DC properties at all. In fairness, it’s about as good a grasp as Warner Bros’… 

  Doing: Creative Mentoring

Every month, for the last seven years (I think), I’ve spent a few hours with my delightful creativity client. We write stories, play improv and inspiration games, all with the aim of simply being mentally and creatively stimulating. And because it’s fun. Not too much to report on this occasion, other than to note (and remind myself) that’s always a genuine highlight of my week. I deeply enjoy the time I spend with Rebecca, and find it inspires me creatively too. What lovely reciprocity!

  Doing: the Glowstick Trials at National Justice Museum

After a number of rehearsals we finally got to play for real! Seven improvised courtoom dramas, back to back last Friday evening. The chaps directing it this time around (Richard and Ben) rejigged it very smartly from our previous version, putting it much more opportunity to freely extemporise in our various roles of Judge, Defendant, Prosecution, Defence and Witness 1 & 2. A small tight cast, with lots of quasi-legal nonsense. I was lucky enough to end up playing most roles, not least because of the hideous traffic jams that marred the whole of Nottingham for hours, delaying a third of our team. It might have had some effect on audiences too, as we saw far fewer folks in the streets that in previous years. Ho hum. I had an absolutely marvellous time. Hearing Judge Duncan screaming away behind closed doors, myself mounting a vigorous defence (against Marilyn’s thorny prosecution) for poor Alistair accused of thinking about stealing birdseed (he couldn’t possibly have done – he never thinks!), waxing lyrical as a defendant in my maudlin teenage diary, and countless things I’ve forgotten. It was a blast, and I really want to do it again, somewhere, soon… Any offers? 

  I am the LAW

I am a felt-tip pen

Last Week, Sunday 9 February 2020. I've been doing things, honest, I just can't always remember what they were... #lightnight #Lego #birdsofprey #octoberfaction #diary Midweek Confusion OK, so this next week thing has slightly got away from me. As ever, by this point in a new week my recollection of the seven days past is blurring...