#get funged idiot

[twinleafsystem]

[yellowtearose]

MY OTHER TERMINA OC (she’s a sketch bc I’m terrified of fucking up the digital drawing)

Her name is Alodia, she’s an orphan who began caring for the younger kids at the age of 10, and now that she’s 18 she wants to become the matron for the orphanage she grew up in so she can continue keeping her adoptive siblings safe

[toothyblowjob]

op is a terf so i steal :)

[fangirlingpuggle]

Another very silly XS AU/fic prompt where the next level the Monks have to ascend to they need more control over their elements. Then Chase shows up at the temple and says he's going to be training Omi after all he's the most qualified.

The monks are of course confused (And Omi's case trying very hard to get exited) like WTF your heylin prince of darkness why would ever let you train Omi. Cue Chase giving them blank look and then very clearly controlling the fountain of water.

The monks jaws are on the floor (Omi has actual stars in his eyes) and Chase just realizes an eyebrow like 'Did no one tell you who the previous dragons were?' and then gives Dojo a pointed look.

Cue Rai, Kimiko and Clay descending on Dojo as they now have so many questions.

Master Fung can't deny that technically at this stage of their growth the monks can/ have previously been taught by previous dragons of their element so technically Chase can train Omi... he wants to say no but Omi now he's given permission to actual train with Chase is literally running in circles squealing with joy. (Master Fung thinks that they really should have revised the rules to say they can't be trained by them if said previous dragon is now on the heylin side)

Of course the other monks get the full story on who the previous Dragons of their element were which leads to Kimiko trying to track down Guan for training. Raimundo trying to get more stories about Dashi or find out more about him/ ask Dojo about how Dashi trained or if there are any talk to the dead Wu?

That leaves Clay, who ends up showing at Jack's lab awkwardly asking to talk to Wuya (She left Chase's palace because it's just him and Omi all the time now and she was getting a migraine listening to them calling out fighting moves or their weird mind game). Jack is very confused and even more so when he finds out she was the past dragon of earth. Wuya is just staring at them like 'My servants are giant stone golems... I wasn't exactly subtle' .

She refuses to help Clay, but Jack decides to help because 1)he wants to know how xaiolin magic works if he can reverse engineer it 2) Clay will him a favor and 3) It's gonna annoy/he can mess with Wuya. So Jack mind games/reverse psychologys her in rambling about her powers/the past.

Clay and Jack are just there mostly eating popcorn listening about earth powers and getting way to emotionally invested in her stories about her and Dashi (Wuya doesn't realize she's telling a tragic romance story but Jack and Clay do and they are invested)

Dojo and Rai come to pick Clay up walk into the lab to see Clay and Jack sobbing and Wuya just talking mostly to herself about something , Dojo and Rai exchange a look and slowly back away they don't want to know.

Eventually Wuya starts showing techniques and teaching Clay and Jack mostly because she sees Clay try and 'no that's not how toy do it idiot just watch'

(Wuya doesn't realize she's technically training 2 xiaolin dragons earth and metal are very close)

Jack does use his favor next showdown he gets the Wu is challenged by one of the other monks and Jack just goes 'Oh this showdowns going to 2 v 2' and asks Clay to help him, this ends up happening a lot mostly because once they do this Chase realize he can do this with Omi and suddenly Chase is going for all the Wu as a chance for him and Omi to fight together.

Clay and Jack actually fight really well together and have bonded a lot, Wuya it just watching these 2 slowly go into full crush mode over each other and eating her own popcorn.

[lore-grandma]

I’m just so frustrated with myself. Ok so bayonetta a pretty hard game doesn’t give you enough halos. Yeah so I had gotten Jeanne as a playable character (yay). But when I was saving my game I had accidentally overwritten the save file that had all of my weapons, the ones that had me playing hours of bayonetta of hard mode and non stop climax. Playing 100 chapters to achieve, loosing the secret chapter that had me playing all the alfeheim challenges, all of that, all 60 hours of game play down the drain. Thankfully I had a save file that had all of weapons that the game gives you without having to play harder difficulties. But now I have to play it all again or gain over 10,000,000 halos to use the cheat codes. While also having to play one chapter over and over again so I can get sai Fung again. And hopefully I never overwrite my file again. I don’t want to do this with Jeanne but somehow I’ll end up doing it. I hate doing this, but I make myself suffer. To whoever was truly responsible for this game and to all the programmers remember something very important. Don’t have the way for you to change characters require you to start a new game. Because some idiot might overwrite the save with the most important things ever with no back up and now they have to do it all over again. Also before any of you say something about how it would be more accomplishing to do it the correct way, shhhhhhh I did it already, not again.

[romance-reanimated]

As much as I love symphonic music, I have only been to the symphony once, (on a grade school field trip), because tickets are expensive. Until today! Symphony number two!! (Well, Shostakovich’s cello concerto #2 tbh). What I discovered was:

1. Oh my GOD—I liked this piece as an mp3 ripped off YouTube played through tinny earbuds, hearing it actually performed by an orchestra right in front of me was INCREDIBLE. I was so surrounded by sound that I ceased to exist. This is the most significant point, but also the one that takes the fewest words.

2. I was expecting to see a different side of my city than I usually do, since I live kind of stuck surrounded by bumpkins. It turns out the symphony goers of my city are just… wealthier bumpkins. Fascinating. I was very concerned with how I was dressed, since all I have are thrift store formal-ish clothes, and I wound up wearing a blazer with worn sleeves and my scuffed black shoes and so on. The women seemed dressed up, but the men were mostly in button up tee shirts or zipper sweaters and tennis shoes, and I felt like an overdressed idiot. This offers two possibilities:

2a. It’s bumpkins all the way down here, none can afford fancy clothes, some of us just save up for the symphony

2b. The wealthy here give zero (0) shits about their appearance/know they can get away with dressing however they want and so choose to show how little they care by not making an effort for anything—even music!

2 (continued). My money is on the latter. One lady (with her nails done professionally) crinkled some plastic in the middle of the performance. These must be people who don’t care a lick about (their appearance? Music? Other people?)

3. Zlatimir Fung (cello soloist) is actually a genius. Please don’t use this information to track my location lol. Off to join the Fung fan club.

[sienna-the-doe]

OP made this unrebloggable sometime this morning so I stole it! they cant keep a good post down mf

[sparrowsabre7]

Get funged idiot!

95% of NFTs are worthless, and most of the most expensive ones are priced between $5-100 where they were once drawing millions US$ apiece

Not a moment too soon, and fully deserved 😎

In conclusion-

[yamada-ryo]

you wouldnt download a bocchi

get saved, downloaded, and even funged, idiot

[featherchan]

As Clay and Kanako were talking, she was on the verge of untying the cloth that bound her to her beloved. But soon, both of them jumped when Rai woke up in a panic. "Hey-hey! It's alright. I'm here..." The raven quickly climbed onto the bed to be by his side. While stroking his hair, she made a shush sound to calm him down, as Clay passed her a moist towel to wipe away his feverish sweat. "It was just a bad dream. Everything is all right." Attempting to comfort and reassure him. "And yes, we are in the temple, safe with me and everyone else." The coherent Dragons exchanged worried glances before she continued to reassure him.

Hearing light footsteps approaching the infirmary, they turned to see Kimiko and Omi standing outside the doorway. Kimiko then waved her hands towards them, beckoning them to come closer. Turning to Rai. "Bonito, I'll be right back. Be good for me, all right?" Kanako kissed him on the forehead before pulling herself away. Before she lengthened the cloth that bound her to the brunette, making it long enough for her to step outside. Kimiko next mouthed. "We have a situation..." Before gesturing towards Dojo, who was jittering all over the place. Kanako's face turned into a deadpan as she spoke in a low, threatening tone. "I need coffee for this..." Clay groaned and dragged both his hands down his face, in agreement.

In the kitchen, Kanako took a quick sip of her latte (since she couldn't stomach too much black coffee after the long duration of caring for the idiot). While the others conversed anxiously, she drew in a deep breath, allowing the caffeine to work its magic and awaken her senses. Raimundo was being temporarily cared for by four other monks who had taken their places. This reassured the Lioness. Then, pressing her hands together and letting her shawl hang loosely from her elbows, she began to speak. "All right, listen. The three of you will go after the Wu while I remain here to care for Raimundo. We cannot ignore this, no matter how harmless the Wu may seem. The Heylin must not discover that we have a situation on our hands." "What if they ask us what happened to Raimundo?" Omi asked anxiously. "Tell them Raimundo has the chicken pox. That should distract them temporarily. And someone will need to lead the team."

Kimiko soon crossed her arms as her shoulders slumped, assuming either Clay or Omi would be called upon to take on the role. But she was surprised when Kanako placed her hands on her shoulders. "Kimiko, you will lead the team." In shock, the Dragon of Fire gasped. "Me?" And looked back at the Dragon of Aether for confirmation. Smiling warmly in return, Kanako replied. "Yes, you, Kimiko. Master Fung is away, and Rai is ill. I cannot leave because I am needed here to take care of him." The Lioness explained. "After discussing the matter, we all agree that you, Kimiko, are the most qualified person to lead the team should such a situation like this arise. You are given more credit than you realize. No matter how difficult the challenge thrown your way, you have always found a way to overcome it, in your unique manner. You are intelligent and resourceful, approaching any problems with creativity and cunning. Therefore, I have no doubt that you can accomplish your goals." "I-I..." Kimiko took a moment to process the realization, then looked up, ready to accept the challenge. "Alright..." Smiling back at Kimiko. "Good..."

Turning to Omi, Kanako said. "Omi, would you mind checking up on Raimundo one last time while Kimiko and Clay get ready?" "Of course, sister." The Water Dragon quickly exited the kitchen and raced toward the infirmary. When her little brother was out of sight, Scarlet turned to the other Dragon. "Both of you need to keep a close eye on the Heylin. We still don't know anything about the Snakemen, and for all we know, they could be the ones secretly behind all of this. It could be a ploy to knock us down." "Got it." Clay nodded in agreement along with Kimiko. With added concern in her voice, Kanako added. "And be careful out there..." Kimiko responded to reassure her. "We will..." Hoping to lighten the mood, Clay chimed in. "Just make sure Rai doesn't walk all over you." Earning a chuckle from Kanako put the cowboy at ease, leaving her in a good mood at least.

When they were ready, Kanako waved them goodbye as they departed with Dojo. She wished them a safe trip before quickly returning to her care duties.

The aforementioned elemental was presently slumbering, practically immobilized on the mattress (aside from the occasional twitching of his fingers, the aggressive clenching of the blanket, the incoherent mumbling escaping from him), with the cannula meticulously administered into his arm. Providing the nutrients he sincerely required, and preventing his condition from worsening. Alongside his companions decreasing his fever, placing a washcloth against his forehead, and bringing an oscillating fan inside the infirmary, providing him with circulation.

As it was assumed, his reasoning for escaping the infirmary. It was suffocating, it was confining, and the ceaseless surveillance from his companions wasn't assisting with his agitation. He remained agitated, the second they returned inside. Attempting to persuade them he was in excellent physical condition, and becoming attached to the machine- the IV- was unnecessary. Incarcerating him in this dreadful room was unnecessary.

The unperceivable hissing was within this room, he's certain he listened to it previously. It increased in volume whenever he slumbered, infiltrating his subconscious, attempting to communicate with him. It never ceased its attempt, and was incredibly persistent. It never communicated to his companions, only him. Only him...

Where was it originating from? Who was communicating to him? And why was it him in particular?

Sssucuri... volte para nósss... Return to usss...

There was an absence of familiarity within the location he's deposited in- an oppressive atmosphere, surrounded by immense vegetation, and his signature weapon, the Blade of the Nebula, equipped in his palm. None of his companions were beside him, neither of them equipped with their own weapon or assisting him with the retrieval of a Shen Gong Wu. There was a Wu recently revealing itself, wasn't there? And Dojo escorted them to this location? This apparently compressive rainforest? Consisting of potentially carnivorous animals? Or even...

A commotion reverberated within his eardrums, a stentorian, petrified scream. Querida's scream. Instinctively causing the aerokinetic warrior to pursue it, disregarding the potentiality of encountering carnivorous creatures, or endangering himself in the process. Attempting to cleave any vegetation in his path, and maneuvering through the abundance of golden lancehead vipers.

They were launching themselves towards him, protruding their mouths to bite him, or entangle him within themselves. He leaped towards the treetops, propelling himself forward by currents of wind, or blasting currents towards the vipers, but they consistently pursued him. Eventually grasping onto him, ensnaring him...

Querida. She was endangered, she was frightened, she needed him. She needed him, and he's captured by these- they're refusing to release- he'll be poisoned by them and--

How does it feel? Knowing your growing fear is your friends' doom?

A startled exhalation released from him, instantaneously grasping onto his blanket, his knuckles progressively whitening from the pressure. He attempted to straighten himself, removing himself from the mattress to properly observe his surroundings- unfortunately, he couldn't. He was restrained to it. He was trapped. Deus, he was trapped, and Kanako was endangered, she was endangered and--

There was the presence of an individual, on his bedside, monitoring his condition. And another one, appearing as perturbed as he was. Their wrists appeared tethered together, preventing him from escaping. Or preventing them from heading anywhere without him. It was peculiar, earning confusion from the Shoku Warrior.

"Kannn... Kana...ko? How did... I thought you were--" His eyelashes fluttered, disbelieving his beloved was present within this room. Completely unharmed, neither endangered by those vipers. "You- you were scr... screamin'. I heard you scream and- all these sssnakes came around and--"

He was inclined to embrace her at this second- if he wasn't restricted like this. He exhaled, glancing at his surroundings once more.

"And you're just... here. You're not- and I'm not- we're... we're in the temple, yeah?"

He needed to be certain. He needed to be certain this wasn't a nightmare.

[fangirlingpuggle]

Another Xiaolin Showdown AU/Fic prompt idea with a Jack and Omi alignment swap. With Heylin Omi and Xiaolin Jack.

Omi who when left on temple steps is instead found by Chase who was keeping an eye on the temple and just goes up and sees this baby instantly imprints and is just 'My kid now' and Omi is raised by Chase and is a Heylin warrior but is also still Omi and still like he is normally just a little more vicious.

Omi who grew up with not only a father but all the fallen warriors dotting on him. Tiny Omi being carried around by scruff of shirt by the jungle cats or riding around on them. Chase doing evil threatening monologue only to pause turn to the side to look at Omi's painting and praise him and then instantly turn back ready to kill the person.

Chase isn't trying any world domination stuff because he is waiting for Omi to be old enough to join in, it's going to be family bonding he wants Omi to be involved and doesn't want him to grow up in his shadow he wants his son to have his own legacy and the they can take over the world together.

When the Shen gong Wu activate Chase isn't going to get involved by decides it'd be good for Omi knowing he can easily defeat any Xiaolin warriors and really Omi wants to and Chase can't say no, besides it's just child's play and games for him. The most he does is show up at showdowns to watch like the proud dad he is.

Jack is the dragon of metal and joins temple at same time as Kimiko, Raimundo and Clay. He's pretty sure his parents didn't know what they were agreeing to and just though it was a camp they were sending him to or they did know and this is punishment for blowing up the basement... again.

He also arrives with a puzzle box that he opens...accidentally and sets Wuya free. She isn't happy to be surrounded in a Xiaolin temple and ends up just going between others on heylin side like Katnappe. She tries to talk to Omi but it's very clear neither he or Chase will help her get her body back and aren't instead in world domination yet.

(She does end up sulking around the temple a lot, Dojo tried chasing her out with a broom didn't really work and she can't actually steal any Wu so they mostly just leave her be... she grumbles about Dashi a lot and whenever Fung is talking about an old legend of him she bursts in like 'THAT IS NOT HOW IT HAPPENED, WHAT IDIOT WROTE THIS?' and tells them how it actually happened... all the konks are very sure that there was something between the 2... they try asking Dojo but he can't remember.... he thinks if it is true he may have repressed it)

Jack's still like himself a coward and a lot of it is him and Dojo hiding behind Clay, and also still makes inventions more of a way to distract Omi at this point because he definitely outmatches them.

Eventually Wuya does get her body back and Jack manages to build portal for time travel, he goes back in time portal is destroyed before others can join. Him meeting Dashi is him fanboying about how Dashi made the Wu... he also asks him about Wuya and gets the full story.

He manages to travel back less from freezing himself and more from him and Dashi messing with Xialoin magic... he also sees some guy who looks a lot like Omi's dad just before he leaves.

The whole defeating Wuya is a lot less dramatic battle and a lot more her talking to Dashi... the puzzle box this time is less to trap her more the ghost and her talking... it's awkward the dragons are just there looking at each other unsure if they should leave or not.

(While all the Wuya's world domination attempt is happening Chase and Omi are just watching sipping smoothies

Omi: Should we stop her yet dad?

Chase:No little one she'll end up messing it up herself before we need to step in)

After that Wuya is just hanging around temple powers sealed but still human, she's more neutral party as she's not trying to destroy them... she does start eventually... purely out of spite.

Chase starts showing up more to showdowns now watching Omi more and him and her start snipping... they're literally like the parents arguing about their kids at a sport match. Wuya is not letting him win and starts training the monks dragging them along 'You WILL be strong enough to beat Chase's brat and your going to be so strong your all going to show Dashi up so when I see him again I can rub his face in it'

A lot of showdowns end up with Chase and Wuya fighting each other while Omi and the dragons are in the middle of a showdown that normally pauses because Omi starts cheering his dad on... and the dragons are cheering Wuya. The dragons do try holding her back at times but a lot of the time they're just holding her purse as she goes to try and beat Chase up.

[mortallyclearwonderland]

Kung Fu Panda Legends of Awesomeness - "Enter the Dragon"

Episodes 46 and 47 overall

Synopsis:

Po and the Furious Five come across a Chinese Dragon from the Underworld named Ke-Pa who is invincible to the powers of kung fu, and it's up to Po to stop Ke-Pa from ruling China.

Characters:

This special feels like a blueprint for the third movie:

Chi

Otherworldly realm

Po wilding Chi

Dragon design

Po's got a big head and is behaving more like a celebrity than a protector of the valley. He also makes the biggest fuck-up ever. Po knows people might die. He's tasked with evacuating citizens. Instead of doing the sensible thing, he brags about how he'll protect them from anything. At last, there is no time for evacuation anyway as  Ke-Pa showes up in his pig form.

Fuck-up number two. Po thinks he can take Ke-Pa in his weakened state alone and doesn't call others for help.That gives him enough time to get his power back.

Normally I hate how villagers turn their backs on Po who saved them many times for doing something wrong. But this time they are totally justified in being angry.

Shifu goes off on Po for his irresponsibility.

The Furious Five's reactions fit their character perfectly:

Monkey is the one to defend Po. Saying how there's nothing wrong with pleasing fans. They’re best friends and, besides Po, he’s the most laid back.

Viper worries about Po and how he feels. She even argues that Shifu was too harsh for him.

Mantis is the one to call Po on his idiotic behavior. He tells the truth not caring if it hurts.

Crane just plainly states that they need Po to stand a chance against Ke-Pa.

Tigress is angry and disappointed with Po but knows they need his help.

We later find out he did it to protect Po and beat Ke-Pa. This plan includes Shifu sacrificing himself, so his students can have a chance. All of them love Shifu, especially Tigress, so seeing them reluctantly grand their master's last wish is powerful.  

Meanwhile, when Po is moping and listing all things he's lost his father comes to help. Mr. Ping has his flaws but moments like this show why he's one of the best fathers in animation. He reminds his son how he was able to become the Dragon Warrior against all odds. That inspires Po to go back.

Great two-parter.

Villains: Fung and the Croc Bandits show up at the beginning to get beaten and show how awesome Po is. Later they help Ke-Pa let the Underworld Demons free. Not out of their own will but the threat of getting eaten by Ke-Pa.

Ke-Pa is intimidating even in a pig form. A lot of it is thanks to the brilliant voice acting. They do this thing where he yells so much it creates an echo. Sometimes it’s fine other times it’s awkward.

He talks about taking their home back and letting his family go. Those wants of a hero, the main character of a cartoon or an anime. Then you remember he wants to kill everybody and rule over the world. Doesn't turn him good but gives him some layers.

His most evil dead was letting Po hit him and indirectly make the last paddle fall of the peach. Ke-Pa could do it himself. He just wanted to torment Po.

[narvana27]

ALL OF THE TIMES RAI WAS TREATED BADLY:

Episode 18, season 2: “Pandatown”:

This episode is just one big ‘Fuck you Rai, we dont trust you even a one bit’ since the first minute. It’s so annoying, cuz they didn't listen to him and didn't even get him a chance to improve himself, even Fung at some point. So let’s see:

-Fung: “The test is to float a teammate safely onto a cold stone in the middle of the hot crater.”

-Rai: “No problem! Who’s ready to fly?”

*Everyone hides*

-Omi: “We mean no disrespect Raimundo, but you’re still the only not apprentice on our xiaolin team! *smiles*

Fung did the right thing here and chose Omi for this. Rai was trying to focus before the task and Omi was distracting him all the time. Usually Rai is a reckless kind of guy, u know, but now when he wanted to take this test seriously he couldn't, because unfortunately Omi was alive at the time -.- Rai failed cuz he was scared and distracted, and ofc no one said: “Ok, that wasn't his fault, so let’s try again”. No, they just called a day and stayed with the conclusion that Rai can't shit.

-Dojo: “You guys better stick together, this is the part of Hong Kong Dashi never let "me play in.”

-Rai: “I lead the way! This place is like the bad parts of Rio! It’s my element”

-Clay: “No offence Rai, but we’ve seen what you do with your element”

*Dojo smirking hardly*

Clay, you idiot here. Rai was DISTRACTED and no one cared, but let’s drop that and say: That was a metaphor. Rai used a metaphor there. What Rai wanting to lead you through a “bad hood” cuz he lived in or near one himself has to do with the fact he “failed” (cuz of Omi) his wind test? Nothing, cuz it was METAPHOR. It’s like Clay would say: ‘Oh, let me milk that cow cuz I'm from Texas and I know how to do it!’ and Rai would say: ‘Sorry dude but you can't eve create a whole ass K2 mountain with your element so…’ U see my point? Make it make sense Clay -.-

-Omi: ”The Apprentice's will take charge!”

Ofc Omi-Rat said that with emphasis on the word ‘APPRENTICE’S’ to let Rai know

(AGAIN) that he’s not one of them so he's the worst. Wow.

-Rai: *Tried to stop a running criminal but filed cuz he got a serpent’s tail*

-Omi: “Aaah yes! A common non-apprentice mistake! I would have grabbed the

serpent’s tail first, but I suppose it’s something we learn on apprentice level. You did your best!”

I may be wrong (cuz Im not Omi who’s always right except he’s not) but dont you learn the same stuff with Rai? I don't think Fung would let Rai go to “his room” while the rest would practice something for “apprentice”. He would rather make Rai stay and watch, cuz he did the same thing when Rai didn't get promoted and the rest was training with wu. He even asked if he could go, but Fung said no, so...Ur argument is invalid Omi.

-Omi: “I will take the 12 guardians on the north, Clay the 10 on the east, Kimiko 11 on the west, and...Do you think Raimundo could take one on the south? He looks veery old and very out of shape”

Just because Rai betrayed you some time ago and didn't get promoted because of that it doesn't mean he cant fight??? XD It’s not like he lost all of his skills he got and had before just cuz he’s not apprentice lol wtf u shitting ‘bout Rat xD

-Rai: “Jack tells you he knows a secret pass and you’re just gonna believe him?!”

-Jack *gives them his last shen gong wu*

-Rai: “ Oh come on Omi! It’s a classic game!”

-Omi: “Okay, I hear your concerns and I will take them under advisement with the

apprentice’s. Clay, Kimiko?”

-Clay: “I reckon’ we don't have a better choice”

-Kimiko: “Let’s give a shot”

-Rai: “What?! You’re believing Jack Spicer over ME?! That’s it! I'm finding my own

way in, and anyone who wants can go with me!”

Them:

Omi did shit on Rai here the most from the whole episode I think, cuz he ruled out Rai from the discussion. He could say what he thinks, buy ws not taking a part into conversation as a whole and couldn't make any more argument IN that discussion cuz he was not an apprentice? And who tf you are Omi to decide that? And to get it straight - This whole “apprentice” thing is bullshit, cuz Fung never said Rai cant do some shit or is less then just cuz he aint got promoted. He COULD OF HAVE BEEN promoted, but he HIMSELF didn't want to. And he got treated like trash cuz he dont have a belt in a different color? Ok XDD What’s also funny is that no one said: “Hey, he’s still the part of the group!” They acted like he was new and wasn't with them since the beginning so he dont know the stuff they know. Nooo, he was with you since the beginning and he know everything and the same way you know and have the same exact skill so I dunno why you act like that, Ofc I know everything is exaggerated to make this Episode more memorable and they had to make Rai's promotion like that to show that he changed and really earned it, but God it was so annoying because of Omi xD

[owohawks]

Lmao hawks brain rot is real

Ok so

Imagine you have an animal transformation quirk where you can transform into any animal

So long as you know the kanji for it

You, being an animal fanatic are obsessed with hawks’s wings and how they function

And how he’s constantly related to actual hawks

It’s kinda weird doing it as a human but preening with him is p fun

One time you slept over at his place and lmao

You can read in your dreams and you often see the kanji for different animals and sometimes this activated the parts of the brain associated with your quirk

And one night your quirk activated and you turned into a golden eagle

This was also a time when you couldn’t control your quirk and actually were on quirk suppressants but they made you depressed so fuck that shit

Well one day you woke up as a golden eagle and sorry fam, you’re stuck this way lmao

BONUS: You conveniently left the window open bc who doesn’t like fresh summer breeze at night?

Anyways hawks woke up bc he heard rattling bc yeah a fuckin *golden eagle* was scratching around in his home and he comes and sees you and is like “wtf how did this get in here?”

Meanwhile you, internally: YOU YAKITORI FUNG JAO FRENCH FRY HEAD LOOKIN BITCHASS IDIOT IT’S ME

Hawks literally rattles you into a corner, cATCHES YOU and THROWS YOU OUT OF THE WINDOW DHDJDJDJDJDJDJDJD

What a Dumbass™️

Cue realization in 5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

“OH SHIT”

Immediately runs back into your room only to find you perched on the footboard of the bed bc the dumbass had fortunately left the window open

Immediately apologizes and hugs you, the poor blushing mess

Whether you’re dating or not, he smooches your little eagle cheek like he fuckin means it

Eventually you better your quirk to the point where you can grow only certain parts of animals!

Yeah y’all know where that goes so I’ll let y’all fill in the blanks

aka FLIGHTS WITH HIM BC YOU CAN MANIFEST WINGS!

Low key stares at your ass without meaning to

[theeloquentdon]

kimchi bokkeumbap; kimchi fried rice

Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuum. Ok, so ngl I don’t know too much about Korean food and this was the first Korean dish I ever made but it was SOOOO tasty and comforting. Definitely backing a further exploration of Korean dishes. This all came about because one of my very kind and generous classmates made our whole class kimchi and even sealed it in this super profesh packaging with the ziplock and everything. This time round, I felt like rather than just eating the kimchi straight out the pack which is always 100% the most tempting thing to do, I would commit to the kimchi long haul and actually cook something with it. I was super tired though, so thought kimchi fried rice would be a solid compromise between cooking and not having to stretch myself tooooo much.

I had to buy gochujang, which is maybe the most intriguing and possibly even my new favourite ingredient as it blends the spiciness of red chilis with the salty-savoury tanginess of fermented soybean, glutinous rice and salt. In its final and ~perfected~ state, it has this spicy earthiness that bears some semblance to sriracha but with BASS. and not simply... just BASS... but BASS FOR DAYS. I wasn’t actually going to buy the gochujang though because I thought I would have to go to Loo Fung which is MISSIONS and as I said, I was tired. HOWEVER, HOWEVER, I got off the bus from work on Barking Road and had to go shops to get some milk and just chanced upon Miah’s Oriental Foods, a specialist shop literally 5 mins away from home that sells anything and everything I could ever need and for pretty cheap! I actually found the variety of things I could buy - and so locally - completely shocking. This shop is amazing. Actually, the cluster of shops on this part of Barking Road (where the giant specialist Doctor Who shop is lol) are all pretty sick and unique. In addition to shops already mentioned, there’s Newham Bookshop, the Q in Food Centre which is one of those standard international (mostly Turkish/East European) supermarkets that also sell fresh Turkish bread/pastries, Boleyn Cinema (which exclusively plays South Asian cinema), the Boleyn Tavern (which was apparently visited by Gandhi in 1931 and is currently being refurbished with guidance from the Victorian Society, which is very awesome) and many more, with the World Cup Sculpture just a few minutes away. And that’s just a small bit of Barking Road... let alone the rest of it and the phenomena that is Green Street next to it. Big up Newham!

Anyway, back to the bokkeumbap - so this was one night I devoted to just chilling, I realised that I couldn’t remember the last time I had ~ just chilled ~ so I decided to FINALLY watch Parasite (and also after that like... a seasons worth of The Good Place where at some point I sadly passed out) so this dish had to be good. I had to make the rice from scratch which unfortunately does not suit fried rice very well, as it’s best if the rice is a bit stale and dry but oh well. The recipe I used advised me to massage the rice with sesame oil, so that was ... definitely an experience. I’m sure you can picture my impatient ass massaging this rice that is literally burning me, my hands an oily rice-laden scalding mess. But alas, it’s like they say, no bees no honey. (I actually don’t think I have ever heard anyone say that)

Another interesting step was having to for real juice the kimchi. As you want to be able to brown the kimchi cabbage (like onions), the best thing to do is juice it first and then pour the juices on the rice later. So yeah, litch had to juice 1/4 cups worth of kimchi juice from the kimchi. This is what it looked like. Very nice. To this, I mixed in the gochujang and soy sauce.

The cooking process begins when you take the sorry looking lifeless kimchi that U literally CHOKED to death and start frying it in the pot. Like you can actually see the green of the cabbage again which is like a weird modern-day-consumer-divorced-from-the-realities-of-production type of reality shock like o u were an actual vegetable before you became kimchi, hello....... (Obviously in some part of my brain, I knew kimchi was made of cabbage but sometimes you don’t properly deep it... like you deep it on surface level, but not properly because like many products you buy, you didn’t play any part in the production process, you just bought it ready made from the shop so there’s just a disconnect... the dumbest way this played out was me googling ‘kimchi and cabbage fried rice recipe’ because I wanted to use the cabbage in my fridge....but obviously nothing come up because who else would be such an IDIOT SANDWICH ? No one. that’s who.)

After the kimchi turns that sexy brown à la Maillard, you kinda do your toppings thing. I added mushrooms of course, I think I have actually added mushrooms to every (non-South Asian) recipe I have cooked you know... and if I haven’t I bet I wanted to. I also added tofu, spring onions and toasted seaweed, and then at the end I added toasted sesame seeds. Then in goes the rice and after that, the kimchi juice-gochujang alliance. The medley of smells from the kimchi, gochujang and sesame oil all frying so intensely together was a really rewarding experience. I think I have always felt so insecure about cooking out of my comfort zone, and especially East Asian foods because the methods and ingredients are so different and a bit confusing, but I am beginning to realise that........... it’s really not that deep and I can just figure it out and learn as I go. And there is literally a wealth of really useful websites. And youtube. duh. 

So, on the first day I cooked it I decided to eat it with fried egg. The bokkeumbap came out a little bit mushy because the rice was too fresh I think.

The next day however, upon reading a tip about how some of the rice should be slightly burnt, when I refried the leftovers I let it sit for a few minutes on a medium heat so the bottom of the rice would burn like some Korean tahdig. It was an excellent tip and switched up the texture in a very big way. I also fried an egg into the mix. I think the fried egg with the yolk oozing into the rice works best though, that oooooooooze, how can you beat that ooze? In Japan, at an izakaya a friend took me to, they literally gave us egg yolk to dip meat into. It was ridiculous. (in the best possible way). 

So, all in all, it was really really tasty. I especially loved how the flavours of the gochujang played with and complemented those of the sesame oil, both quite distinct and strong flavours coming through heightening the umami thus making this dish super moreish. I thought that the flavours of the kimchi could have been a bit stronger, and after looking into it, I learnt that when cooking kimchi you should allow it to mature for at least 2-3 months as the flavours become deeper with time. I realised afterwards that the kimchi my classmate had made us was only about a week old! But it was still very delicious. I think my next kimchi adventure will be a kimchi + tofu hot pot...... so stay choooooned. 

[omgkatsudonplease]

omg did i make it? is it 30min? because I like would love, no, NEED some happy birthday katsudon ficlets

you made it! … i’m just the one who’s late RIP

Viktor is so quiet in the hospital bed, Yuuri thinks, as he looks at him through the glass. “How is he?” he asks the nurse, whose smile is sad but bracing. 

“Better now. It was lucky for him he only took a small bite of the poisoned food. The person who did that overdosed it on purpose.”

“I suspect most people wouldn’t have noticed, given the entire restaurant’s schtick of weird foods,” Yuuri mutters, looking back at the nurse. “Can I go in?”

They nod. Yuuri quietly opens the door and steps inside.

“Babicheva got me,” says Viktor, cracking open an eye from where he lies on the bed. “I’ll be ready to go soon.”

“You’re still recovering,” Yuuri chides, taking a seat at the hospital bed next to him. “Now, how could it be that the former manager of the Stammi Vicino could get three attempts on his life in such short succession? I mean, most bosses will just pay your severance package and leave it at that.”

“They must’ve hated my review,” says Viktor, grinning. “I took off that star of theirs as soon as I could. The corruption wasn’t worth it.”

“Your review,” echoes Yuuri, sitting a little straighter at that. “You’re a food critic?”

“Michelin guide,” confirms Viktor, his grin widening. “But don’t tell anyone else, or else the guide will have to skip LA for another decade.”

Yuuri raises an eyebrow. “You know, I was convinced you were Russian Intelligence for a while,” he says, still suspended between relief and disbelief. All of that international jet-setting and James Bond-esque action, and it turns out this devastatingly handsome idiot is just a secretive food critic. He sure knows how to pick them.

“Oh god, I couldn’t be,” Viktor declares, his laugh almost a wheeze. “What about you, though? How do we keep on showing up at the same restaurants?”

Yuuri bites his lip. “If I told you, I’d have to kill you,” he jokes, but when Viktor raises an eyebrow he laughs and shakes his head. “I still really can’t say,” he says, “but I’m definitely not a food critic.”

Viktor’s eyes narrow. “You mentioned you were from London,” he says, before his eyes go wide. “Ooh, slick. I get it.”

“Do you?” wonders Yuuri, shifting closer, drawn towards Viktor’s pink lips and the sparkle in his eyes. “What do you think I do for a living?”

Viktor grins, taking Yuuri’s hand and pressing it to his lips. “Consider me shaken, not stirred,” he replies. “Yukimoto’s not even your real name, is it?”

“If you could ever take me to a dinner that isn’t swarming with would-be assassins, I’ll tell you my real name,” replies Yuuri.

“Promise?” Viktor asks. Yuuri extends a pinky, nodding. Viktor hooks in his own.

“That’s a date,” declares Yuuri. “Where would you take me, o great Michelin food critic?”

Viktor purses his lips. “How about Din Tai Fung?”

Yuuri grins. “Unexpected,” he hedges, “but I’d love to.”