#get everybody in this series some god damn therapy

[the-ghost-sin]

Ban: you look tired

Meliodas, casually: well, the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease

Meliodas: *sips coffee*

[filipinosamflynn]

It took me a few months, but I finally finished Iron Gold! Let me burn the kitchen down as I cook!

Note: I'm not the American education system, so I consider a 6/10 a good score. 6/10 to me means it's good but I don't think I want to read it again until years in the future.

Total Score: 8/10 - hard to read at the beginning, but phenomenonal second half. The multiple perspectives are fun, but kind of jarring to get into, some of the perspective shifts can get enfuriating by creating cliff hangers. That's obviously the intention, but come on, nobody's favorite part about a show are its cliffhangers.

Below is my tier list of all the characters:

Spoilers, unstructured thoughts, word vomit, and objectively incorrect opinions ahead. This review is based on my experience reading the book, the quality of it is obviously amazing.

Characters: 9.5/10 - Everybody is still amazing, and almost all of the new characters are so fun and well characterized! I would have given this 10/10 if not for Harmony not showing up at all in this book. I think the last time she was physically present is in Golden Son, then she is mentioned to have started the Red Hand in Morning Star but she does not show up, then when the Red Hand DOES show up in Iron Gold, she somehow still isn't there. HUH???? WASN'T THAT LYRIA'S WHOLE THING BEFORE THE TELEMANUS ADVENTURES AND THE FUNNY KIDNAPPING???? But ignoring that red bitch (and dano too, fuck that guy), Lyria is a surprising stand out to me, I love her so much and that's what surprises me. Literally all she does is be a victim, and honestly I'm here for it. It's so easy to root for an underdog character, and that's the reason why I wanted to read Red Rising in the first place, to watch an underdog character fight through their circumstances. Also, FUCKING HELL WHY DOES HER STORY END LIKE THAT???? SHE'S FUCKING INNOCENT GIVE MY GIRL A FUCKING BREAK 😭😭😭😭

Ephraim took like 70% of the book for me to like, but once the perspectives crossed over, we saw more development from him outside of his drug addiction, and him being ✨️GAY✨️ without it being the sole focus of his story being extremely awesome. Gay media doesn't get me, sometimes I just wanna see a dude who happens to be gay fuck shit up. He just needed to be more than just "the gruff mercenary", and him struggling to kill Lyria made me finally like him. I do wish we had moments of him being likable earlier, I mean I get we needed to establish him being grumpy, but I really wish we had scenes of Ephraim and Volga being friends earlier in the book. I was expecting them to be this fuck ass father daughter duo when I first started reading, but I guess not. I do love their bond a lot though, and him going through hell and back for Pax & Electra was everything I needed out of this character. Also as a side tangent, the Cyra being a spy plot just happens then goes nowhere? I mean, HUH????? I was so confused, I looked her up online, and nobody talks about Cyra. She just... exists to die and be a useless plot reveal? Unless I'm missing something, she feels like one of the most useless deaths in the series. Oh well, back to Ephraim. Yeah, I liked him a whole lot more after I realized he's into Japanese army men and footjobs.

Here's an obvious one: Darrow becomes slightly unlikable! Yeah, I didn't expect it, I still love him, but sometimes while reading this dude do war shit and ignore his wife makes me want to football kick him into a therapy chair. And then he teams up with Apollonius and, it's so fucking obvious him and Tharsus are gonna betray Darrow and curb stomp his ass. Darrow, you bitch ass motherfucker, just be with your god damn son you son of a bitch. 💀 His ending though, man you can really FEEL his absolute despair. It's not an exciting despair like at the ending of Golden Son, it's a slow, harsh, burning one you have to sit with. "It was all useless" is SUCH an awesome trope, I simply adore it. Poor Sevro.

Now onto our pathetic bitch boy of the hour: Lysander. I've known about his reputation amongst fans since I started the series, and I've been so excited to see this little shit fuck shit up and...! He's so pathetic. I'm a little disappointed by how pathetic he is compared to my expectations of him being this evil little shit. However, he turned out to be my favorite perspective. Just watching this little man who I know becomes horrible just grovel in himself, slowly rising to power, then avoiding almost every single action of good he can take is awesome. My enjoyment is also added by all of the Raas being so fun, especially Dido. This bitch... serve cunt and be evil is her motto and I love it 💅✨️

Perspectives Ranked: Lysander is my favorite perspective, him rising to power in the Rim from nothing is just satisfying, and excites me for what hell is to come in Dark Ages. I love a good villain.

Lyria is my second favorite, I just love underdogs, what can I say?

Third favorite is Ephraim. I didn't like him nor get what his deal was at the first half. I didn't know where his story would go, and I didn't give a shit about whatever the Duke of Hands wanted. Only when we got development did he become a very fun character.

Fourth favorite is Darrow. His perspective isn't bad, but it was just kind of disheartening to see my boy do all this shit and accidentally make the wrong decisions. Of course, his perspective is far from bad, it was just hard to root for him.

Personal Enjoyment: 7/10 - This was a hard book to get through in the beginning. They have to re-establish the world and you're forced to try and get through 4 different characters' perspectives. Establishing the new world, the characters, and their reason for being important is rather slow for a series with such a breakneck pace, so it was annoying to get through to be honest. Not to mention that the perspective shifts can be rough or annoying in that "TV Show cliffhanger" style. Another personal thing, because of all the re-establishing and the perspective shifting, I forgot a lot of plot points and motivations. I didn't know why Ephraim was speaking with the Duke of Hands nor what his purpose or deal was for quite a while, like I didn't know what Holiday had to do with Ephraim until the 2nd half when they said Trigg was Ephraim's fiance. I didn't even know Ephraim was going to steal until he kidnapped Pax & Electra. The story is great, but this is the first time I've read a book with multiple story lines in different perspectives, and added onto the complex web of connections and all sorts of other story bullshit, it's easy to see why I got lost and had to drop the book for a few months. However once I finally got used to everything in the 2nd half, it was an EXTREMELY fun read that made up for the hard to understand and read through first half. This is feels like a book I only appreciate on the prospect of a re-read where I know what happens since the blind read was, uh, annoying.

Plot: 8/10 - As I said, the beginning was kind of annoying to get through and I can't for the life of me remember anything that happened to Ephraim at the start, and 25% of Darrow's & Lysander's plotline. It's just a me thing. The story as a whole is extremely fun, all the twists and events are a blast to read (except for Ephraim's moping at the start of the book, if he even moped because as I said before, I can't remember shit about Ephraim from part 1 except that he has a fancy gun and the Duke of Hands wanted to cut off his hand if he didn't do the thing). Lyria's story was the most engaging for me from start to finish, so that's a plus. Really, my opinion on this book is kind of being carried by the 2nd half, which sucks because this is still a really great book! I just had a hard time following it. But the plot was great, and (obviously) the action scenes are a highlight. The Cassius kills a bunch of dudes and says his honor remains scene is badass as all hell, Lyria's desperate escape from the Red Hand + its aftermath is so visceral and everything I love about the series, Ephraim saving the kids is the best scene in the book in my opinion, and the realization of "it was all for nothing" upon the Ash Lord's reveal was just UGH 😭 I LOVE THAT SHIT!

My Expectations Heading Into Dark Ages:

• Cassius isn't dead, it's too obvious. Not only did we pull that shit off with Dancer and Uncle Narol, but we didn't see a body, and his death just felt weirdly unsatisfying for a series like Red Rising. Cassius didn't even get to talk to Pytha or his frot buddy Darrow once, so yeah, not dead.

• Victra is going to be this fuck ass antihero doing the wrong things for the right reason of finding her daughter. I can feel her getting a character arc in Dark Ages.

• Mustang's perspective is coming up in Dark Ages and OOOOOHHHHHHH IM SO FUCKING EXCITED TO READ THROUGH THEM, Mustang has remained strong of my favorite character in the series. Sevro is a very close 2nd favorite, but Mustang is the Beyonce of Red Rising.

• I know Darrow gets absolutely FUCKED in Dark Ages. Good. Let me whump.

• I have no clue what will happen with Lyria & Ephraim, but hopefully they don't die! I think Lyria doesn't get a perspective in Dark Ages so *i am scared*.

• Lysander will be so fucking fun to read through now that he's no longer just a pathetic hacky sack getting kicked around. I wanna finally despise and hate this little shit for fun, he looks like he's gonna have the same fuck ass stage presence as the Jackal. Just a feeling on the vibes Lysander will hold.

• I know Dark Ages will destroy me, so I already have Lightbringer ready as my detox, and a box of tissues bought for when I start.

• Harmony BETTER show up. She has literally done nothing since Golden Son (yeah she technically started Red Hand in Morning Star but RH literally did nothing there, and Harmony herself hasn't shown up for 2 straight books).

[leamy-world]

Some afterthoughts on The Devil Judge (spoilers for all the drama!)

Hello everyone! I hope you’re doing well!!

I wanted to write my thoughts after the finale aired because ep. 13-14 made me a mess and were too nerve-wracking! After these two episodes, i only wanted the week to go by fast to see how the finale unfolded (but at the same time, this drama entertained me sm i didn’t want it to end haha).

Watching this drama each week and reading your reactions and thoughts made me enjoy it even more, i’m glad i came back on tumblr! It was a really nice ride (more like an emotional rollercoaster haha)! It motivated me to write my thoughts and analyses on fictions i watched in the future, especially My Mister and Beyond Evil!! I forgot how much fun it was to do that and putting my thoughts into words gave me a little closure to my watch haha

These are just some afterthoughts & personal interpretations i had and were maybe probably already discussed, but i couldn’t get them out of my head haha

See you around and take care!!!

THE CAST. It left a strong impression on me and i can’t see other actors playing their respective roles!

—   Yohan portrayed by Ji Sung … i have no words, this devil judge left me speechless! His character, to his Devilish Smile (and hollow laugh in front of CKH and his son, or Gaon), his variating voice intonations (like damn, he’s a living ASMR like Lee Sung Kyung), his held back emotions and touch-starved and even desperate touches when it came to Elijah and Gaon, to his rage and unhinged moments! 

I winced seeing him contort in pain when Sunah revealed Elijah accidentally lit the church fire, and the two times he hugged Elijah totally destroyed me. His last scene with Gaon showed how gazes & micro-expressions alone could convey unspoken words as strongly. I’m weak for these kinds of scenes, My Mister for example did it and killed me haha

For this post, i rewatched some scenes and damn, Elijah and Yohan’s support of Gaon after Soohyun’s death was really emotional …

(They had no business in making Gaon have this kind of dream, those german scissors left a ... strong impression on him haha)

—   Kim Min Jung’s depiction of Sunah’s was hauntingly beautiful, a femme fatale who kept a broken child deep inside (and at the same time surfacing on her manners and personality) and a strong businesswoman. It’s a fascinating character i loved hating as a villain but still sympathized with. The scene where she murdered the former foundation’s president sent me chills down my spine (i still have her shot of her, sitting at his bureau and manipulating his speech video)! 

The melancholy slipping through her facade when she visited the mansion the first time in a while, as well as her devastation in front of the President’s scheme, by the young girl’s bed at the hospital were memorable. The tension between her and Yohan was incredible: they both managed to keep a very disturbing but enthralling aura, tangled with nostalgia at the same time each time they met.

(Looking at her reflection is a recurring pattern for Sunah’s character, i found this shot above interesting, divided in the two ends of the mirror, as if her self can’t be found on the other side anymore)  

—   This was the first time i saw a drama with Jin Young and i really loved his playing! Never thought I’d say one day i enjoyed someone’s tears and rage on screen, but his crying scenes stuck with me, especially in the prison yard and the last episode (he deserves therapy after all he went through, really) … And his letter to Elijah … (i’m glad nobody harshly revealed the truth to her, i’m really glad!)

I loved to see how his gaze evolved through this journey with Yohan. His endearment to Soohyun, Elijah and Yohan was very precious ;; Even though Yohan was the one who was first seen feeling lonely, Gaon’s loneliness since his parents’ death slipped through his seemingly fine world, i found that interesting! (And on a lighter note, i’ll always remember the truth behind Mrs. Ji’s cooking, Gaon’s epic reaction, and the pure comedy she gets to own a healthy food shop thanks to Yohan!!) 

I also enjoyed his supportive friendship with Jinjoo!!

—   Park Gyu Young’s acting was also on point! It’s really too bad she didn’t get more screen time because i wanted to know more about Soohyun!! I felt robbed haha, because when TDJ began airing, they introduced her as one of the ‘main’ characters of this story ;; The scene when she was on CKH’s suicide scene really left a mark on me + when she was confronting Yohan, especially after she took Elijah out!

—   Elijah. Just Elijah, our best girl!!! Apparently it’s one of Jeon Chae Eun’s first roles, she did so well!! Along with Ji Sung and Jin Young, she gave a whole new definition to the Domestic Scenes, i swear. These scenes will keep a special place in my heart for a long time! Her adorable smile and cheekiness were a refresher in this show!

(They could change TDJ’s concept in a second season and make us a domestic slice of life series, i wouldn’t mind AT ALL! Take my money!!)

Seeing her complicated relationship with her uncle unfold before us deeply moved me. The complete loneliness she silently depicted moving to her bed in the wheelchair, after Gaon left the mansion was heart-wrenching. And also the scenes after Soohyun’s death, hurting with Yohan seeing Gaon’s pain (the way she spoke her worry for the two of them, Yohan couldn’t let the words out properly to Gaon).

—   CKH’s character, played by Jang Young Nam, was amazing. Her acting already shattered me when i watched Nobody Knows! Her cold gaze, her harsh tone, she was badass i have to admit! 

The narcissistic rage was well depicted in her character, and even though i get where many’s opinions on her death come from (i share it too sometimes, but i feel it more for Sunah), i found this final decision fitting to the character, especially if you look how she treated her own son (each hold felt like a grip from rage eg. in ep. 3, as she maybe felt her son was the cause of her demise).

(HUGE SPOILERS FOR BEYOND EVIL BELOW!!!!) 

She reminded me of HKH’s ending: seeing his path to success was crushed with no way out of it except death on his own accord (in his eyes, because it was his absolute life aim, every single being, to his own wife and son, and means, even bending the justice independence, were his expendable ways to pave his path), HJW’s father was set on suicide before his son barged in. 

(Funnily enough, the filming spot for CKH’s house is the same for HKH’s house haha)

—   And also … Lawyer don’t-worry-i’ll-get-you-out-on-probation Ko deserves a round of applause for the best lawyer he is hahaha

THE STORY’S DEVELOPMENTS (AND SCRIPT). I feel like this story could very well have been developed on 20+ episodes! Even if i know some scenes in a script are sometimes (bound to be) cut in the drama, TDJ’s script leaks make me feel there was SO much more to be told, and so much more to explain some plot events in the airing drama!

Because the story was ambitious, both character and plot(twists which give you whiplash)-driven (and also the filming context with the pandemic), i feel like some choices were made.

The lines of thought about justice and the drama’s attempts at its ‘true’ definition are not lost on me. It was really interesting!

On a side note (there will be many, bear with me haha), the symbolic behind the app’s name, DIKE, which i’m pretty sure (correct me if i’m wrong, i only have some very rough basics in korean haha) is the korean romanization of Nikè, or in ancient greek Νίκη, the greek divinity of Victory ( ‘ㄴ’ in korean sounds like an ’n’ but its pronounciation is more abrupt/brisker, to the point of what could be sounding to ears like a ‘d’).

Nikè is most of the time represented as an attribute to other greek divinities who also embody the victory eg. Zeus or Athena, thus seen as a bestower of victory (in any domain, be it war, games = interestingly enough, the live court is set in a colosseum-like room, arts, …)  to the humanity on behalf of these gods (Nikè sometimes stands in her palm as an attribute of Athena, like the owl or the helmet). But sometimes Nikè was also revered an independent protective divinity.

Nikè is represented as a winged divinity in a long robe, flying above the victorious, assisting the humans in their works/challenges eg. handing them a laurel crown as a sign of victory, or a helmet, etc. Its mostly known representation is the Winged Victory of Samothrace (or The Nike of Samothrace) sculpture in the Louvre. The brand Nike also used it in its logo.

It calls back to Yohan’s line: « I make sure i win before the game starts », and in fact, since the beginning, unbeknownst to everybody witnessing the trials and participating to them, the app was his way to win. It foreshadows the ending of the story, Yohan finally taking down the foundation. It also adds to his god/devil image: he assumes the role of the intermediary/abyss of the « gods » (the Justice), taking in all the hubris of the society in order to bring the justice (well, guess we could say it put some hold to the cycle of the powerful culminating to chaos?) back, in some sort of catharsis through DIKE.

It might be a stretch, but Nikè’s winged representation could be found on Gaon’s tattoo (at first to me, it looked like a phoenix/winged angel, which symbolizes a ‘reincarnation’/new beginning for Yohan finding peace, a second chance to his past and Elijah thanks to Gaon & Gaon finding a new world even if his first crumbled ie. his parents and Soohyun’s death and professor Min’s betrayal).

(The whole virus plot by the end of the story made me feel a little uncomfortable given the actual context and the conspiracy theories that are spreading, but it wasn’t used carelessly and served the commentary of the powerful and how far they would go, i think? That said, a fiction, especially a dystopia like this, stays a fiction but when they used it, it gave me a forced laugh haha)

Now, if someone gets to translate some script bits, i’m really looking forward to:

K’s backstory!!!!!

Isaac and Yohan’s past!!!!

More about Elijah!!

Where’s the cat???

What was the script saying for Gaon and Yohan’s confrontation in ep. 12? When Yohan faced the window, waking up from a nightmare after Gaon left?

ABOUT SOOHYUN’S BACKSTORY. (Now, this will get long, i’m sorry but i needed to let my thoughts out haha) The drama introduced her as one of the four main characters with Gaon, Yohan and Sunah. I had so many expectations for her character! Especially from the three scenes we got of her:

➔ In the first episode, we see her save a young girl in the street from two men, looking up at the poster « A safe Korea will be realized from now on. »: it was a great introduction to the blatant lie of the ‘safe’ dystopian world that was being created in the story. It also showed how Soohyun felt in front of this insecure world. A side note, but seeing her hug the young girl like that reminded me the hugs she gave Gaon: she wanted to protect him from this unjust world with all her might (especially the scene in the restaurant where she hugs him). ➔ Her two confrontations with Juk Chang! ➔ Her dilemma and emotional turmoil when she erases Gaon’s presence in CKH’s office.

She was portrayed in the story as Gaon’s pillar since his parents’ tragic death and his moral compass. She’s the lawful citizen, despite feeling helpless to the world’s changes, who hopes it could be saved as long as the rule of law is preserved by everyone, and this begins by respecting it themselves. 

But she was not standing around and i kind of regret this was not shown more in the story: she kept doing her best in the « system », fighting from the inside the injustice hoping the little changes could make a difference someday. Because she couldn’t take Yohan’s path, in no way: the system/the law must be respected for it to be sustained. And i’m glad they addressed this point in the drama: Yohan chose to take on the role nobody wanted or even dared to assume, knowing fully well he became a criminal the second he began his plans (just as lawyer Ko said he was no longer a lawyer once he sided with him). 

This must not be glorified, nor vilified. As he said, it was a choice he decided to make. She mirrors his choices to some extent and i would have loved to see more of their interactions or her thoughts about that! And how she worked through the system to change things, her vision of the justice. They showed us the flashback of her career choice in high school, and it could have been interesting to learn more about her! 

A backstory about her saving the youth and meeting Sunah by accident would have been very interesting (given Sunah knew all about her since the beginning and ordered to kill her). Their meeting wouldn’t have foreshadowed Sunah’s plans, quite the opposite, and it would have given more ‘substance’ to her plans. We were robbed of this relationship haha! 

And of course, seeing her side with Yohan & Gaon for a short while (because seeing her team up with them all along the way could’ve been a little ooc) would have been dope. Her arresting Juk Chang while the two of them stop the gang was the closest thing we had to their teamwork ;;

Among the drama’s main focuses (the self-pity of the powerful and the never-ending cycle of their greed, the power displays it ensues which come in many forms in the system’s game), the conception of justice was developed all along the drama. It would have been really interesting to see whether Soohyun’s conception of justice could have changed in her own way!

And professor Min’s potential manipulation of Soohyun!!! Some scenes on their interactions could have been nice to see and explain why she focused solely on Yohan, the only side of the whole story she knew! Her reporting to the professor about her investigation (and him feeling she got too close to the truth) would have made sense because, as she saw Gaon growing apart from her as he was getting closer to the Kangs (especially since she saw him interact with Elijah when they invited her to the café, like Sunah saw how Gaon fit in their family at the dinner scene), she would’ve wanted to protect him without him knowing because she knew it’d have hurt him. It could have paralleled Gaon’s reports on Yohan to the professor at the beginning of the drama. And that could have explained (aside from the whole love triangle dynamics they had) her reluctance to tell Gaon Yohan was the one who told her his whereabouts when he was in danger in ep. 13 ; this scene also was one of the only moments addressing the lack of communication in their relationship. Seeing her feeling confused over Yohan could have been interesting!

(This also got me wondering whether in the script, Yohan’s injury was ever addressed.)

Also, i’m curious about her family, if the script mentions something about them: did they know Gaon?

About the loveline between Gaon and Soohyun: while the friendship could have stayed as is (it already felt pretty genuine in my opinion and strong friendships also deserve to be portrayed in stories), i’m convinced this drama wanted to set Gaon as the center of a subtext love & morality triangle between Soohyun and Yohan (and K and Sunah on Yohan’s part). I think i would’ve appreciated Gaon and Soohyun’s loveline so much more if they developed it more! And it had to develop in the very same episode she died: apart from the confession and kiss scene (i’m curious about the scene’s description in the script), the flashback of their moments, seen from Gaon’s pov, came just right in to ‘explain’ it! 

Of course it wasn’t the main focus of the story and there was already so much happening, but their new relationship development and her death almost had no impact on me even if it was set as a turning point for Gaon (and K for Yohan, as a cement to their respective decision to fight the system and how they would do it), and it made me really really sad! Of course it was a plot device (and i now wonder what would’ve happened if she or K wasn’t dead), but if it was bound to happen, the emotional impact was lessened!

Jinjoo’s character development and her relationship with Sunah happened really really fast, and i wonder how the script describes it!

Sunah’s involvement with the juvenile care center!!!  Her scene at the hospital left me really sad.

(Also, on the love plot, Gaon and Yohan jealousy bits weren’t used later as an expression of their envy towards the other’s status/life/etc. and were actually directed to people outside ie. Sunah/K/Soohyun in the plot, which makes me think they really wanted to set it as a love triangle!)

ABOUT SUNAH’S DEATH. I feel really really conflicted on this point. Her story was a parallel to CKH (and of course Yohan, i’ll talk about it below): two women — coming from totally opposite backgrounds — climbing their way up by their own means in this power circle. And despite all their accomplishments unnoticed (because they were the ones seeing through their plans while the others were mainly seen tearing each other into pieces), they could still be ruthlessly ejected from this world any day, part of it because they were belittled as women all the same, and chose to end her life on her own accord, still having agency over it. 

As someone else pointed it out, it also acts as a « poetic » retribution for her murder of Soohyun and K. BUT her exiting the scene in some other way staying alive could have contrasted with CKH’s suicide (especially since she overthrew the president who was the only one on her side getting in her way and even killed him in the end). Especially in a show that deals about how the justice can be carried out!

Of course, Yohan and Sunah were a foil to each other in their respective fights and traumatic past: the drama showed us how having someone to reach out to and protect (Elijah, Isaac and Gaon to Yohan ; Soohyun, Yohan and Elijah to Gaon) can become a driving force. Sunah, despite thinking this could be a weakness, also longed for companionship (from Yohan mainly, but also from Jaehee), and had no one to stop her crossing the line and preserve her from herself and the world. At least someone hearing her story, staying by her side and trying to understand her. 

Each time she said ‘can you be a little nicer to me?’ to Yohan made me feel for her (and also that one call with Jaehee), it was the only cries of loneliness she silently let out!

On a totally random note, i would have loved to see her interact more with Gaon (especially by the end of ep. 15, when Yohan was arrested)!

The story gladly didn’t end Yohan’s traumatic past and growth in death, but what about Sunah? In any case, Sunah was a really good and complex character, i enjoyed her character!

What about Jaehee? How did she react to Sunah’s death???

What about CKH’s family after her death???

I would have loved to hear more about Sunah’s plans as well! Scenes where she would play with Gaon for example (in Yohan’s presence or not, like at the photoshoot)! 

(This comment above foreshadowed, along with the dinner scene in ep. 11, she used him all along!)

Her involvement behind the scenes was only exposed in ep. 15 but i wanted to know more about her (motivations aside from her focus on Yohan, what did she plan to do before finding out a look-alike to Isaac, ...)! Given the elements in the plot, i get the idea she planned this whole business with the foundation first to reach the top and wanted to bring Yohan up with her (eg. leading the foundation or becoming the president) or down without her along the way, because she wanted his companionship. Maybe the script expands on it more? Did she really believe in the Dream Home project? Because as we saw her speech in the juvenile care center and her strong reaction to the youth being harmed in these schemes, i believe she kinda wanted to protect them as the best revenge on her past, because nobody could do it for her?  

THE ENDING SCENE. The ending was pretty good and didn’t give us an all-out tragedy, so i’m really glad! I still can’t believe Gaon was ready to blow his life away once he learnt Yohan’s death AND wanted to die with him (falsely) realizing Yohan wouldn’t change his mind, dead set on his decision (no pun intended!). And Yohan’s reaction to this ............... Now, their last scene is left to the viewers’ interpretation, but it felt to me like a new beginning to Yohan and Gaon’s relationship! As it was already said by many people on tumblr, Yohan wasn’t sure if Gaon would still be by his side despite it all, and he didn’t expect Gaon to feel this way. They’ll definitely meet again, it’s a promise of more in the future (especially Yohan’s nod, on the verge of tears and Gaon’s two relieved/endeared smiles, full of forgiveness). Gaon will join his new world once he’s done or they’ll come back to him once Elijah’s recovered.

And this game of hide and seek/hunt reflected their relationship development: Yohan felt unattainable at first, but he chased after him in the maze that was his devilish game, symbolized by the crowd, chasing him motivated by his suspicion, curiosity, anger and hate, disbelief and disappointment, empathy, worry, affection, desperation and love, until he finally reached him and they understood each other among all the crowd, living metaphorically in the same time, facing each other on the same (ground) level.

(A scene in the first episode, Gaon seeing a maze of Yohan’s reflections, maybe symbolizing he could not see through his facade in the beginning, being an enigma to him at first sight ; the choice of the reflections in the mirrors through the drama is interesting and reflects the story: depending on the angles, a story can hold as many meanings as there are points of view, the complete image surfacing once everybody’s story is told)

(Just like how, in ep. 4, Yohan shows Gaon the wicked system right under their noses, Gaon’s enraged and confused gaze directed right at Yohan after they all block his view by clinking glasses ; Yohan hoped he would understand what lies beneath but Gaon understands it fully through his own past in ep. 7-8)

(The crowd is cleared from their/our view in the final scene, leaving the two of them facing each other without any obstacle/reflection on their path)

Gaon kept Yohan’s watch all the time even in moments of doubt, sorrow and rage (the best PPL in drama history so far haha), Yohan finally got to Gaon and entered his world as Soohyun did, reaching out when he needed it the most, to stop him doing something he would regret deeply. It was symbolized by the scar he got on his left hand from preventing Gaon from stabbing him (that’s also why he caresses his scar in a bittersweet way, lost in thoughts, reminding him of their last meeting).

As @i-guess-it-rains said + according to the BTS’ editing (it passed off as a joke but i can’t erase it from my brain now haha),  the way the scene where Yohan defused Gaon’s bomb was framed looked at the same time like Yohan was also carefully handling Gaon’s heart (the bomb countdown clock radiating a red glow on his chest), on the verge of exploding. Now i have The Nights lyrics in my head haha (« My heart is going back to you, i just don’t know »)

On another note, i realized that in ep. 12, after Gaon left, he’s seen trying to call Soohyun in order to reach for her since their last confrontation, but right before, his finger glides over his contact, hesitating on Yohan’s contact before choosing to call Soohyun.

While in ep. 8, he only reaches out to Soohyun after his breakdown in the prison yard (without thinking to call Yohan because he was in the core of his doubts and pain at that time and needed space to reflect on all the events):

And it parallels to Sunah attempting to reach out to Jaehee in her loneliness at the top, hesitating before deciding to call her.

Now i hope TDJ will be on Netflix! It’d be very nice to get to watch the drama in high quality and have more people to see it!

I heard it got a webtoon adaptation so i also look forward to it once it will be translated!

A SECOND SEASON? When i first saw the ending, i thought it got wrapped up nicely and didn’t « need » another season, but it also left some parts open and laid out a new background for further developments (the system repeats itself but in another form, Yohan leaves the scene with his signature smile, maybe up to something else again, saying metaphorically or irl to Gaon he’ll come back if he doesn’t do well), kinda like Stranger/Forest of Secrets s1 or The Guest ending (the corruption doesn’t end there). I also heard it got high viewing rates in SK, so maybe it will be taken into account? And well, i’ll miss the cast so i would welcome the idea haha

THE SOUNDTRACK. The whole OST was stellar (and their titles are on point really!)! Getting to hear it without voices or noise over and with my headphones on made me realize it was even more beautiful! Because I Have You, Warmth That Melts Loneliness and If Only… are the end of me (especially If Only aaaaaaa)! Don’t get me started on Enemy of Truth’s title to the OST playing for the church fire because it’s devastating ;;;

If Only’s title … It leaves us filling in the blank space, the dots to Gaon’s thoughts when he learns about Yohan’s past and how it impacts him to this day.

The 4 songs were amazing (there’s also Different from the Outside but i still didn’t get its lyrics). Tempest was definitely etched in my mind as TDJ’s main theme haha And The Nights was my favorite!  

➔ Tempest was Yohan’s iconic theme and depicted his lonely path to revenge after the tragic events in his life, and his (fated) encounter with Gaon, how deeply it will change him in this journey in ways he didn’t expect. It perfectly introduces (with Chet Faker and Flume’s Drop the game) and concludes the drama!

➔ What you gonna do was THE revenge epic song making everyone revel in the ‘bad guys’ despair and Yohan’s badass moves! 

➔ The Nights felt like it was both Yohan and Gaon’s theme and Gaon’s sorrow after Soohyun’s death: at first i thought it was only Yohan’s, but his revenge and the last episodes proved me wrong! The song’s lyrics mirrored themselves (‘my/your night shines on you/me’), as if a complete understanding between Yohan and Gaon was found on their dark road. Yohan’s night shines on Gaon: Yohan’s broken past and all his misunderstood or hidden sides, his dedication to Elijah. Yohan’s rage (almost wrath since the biblical and god symbolism are there haha) and desire to take the inique system down waked Gaon’s own rage, buried deep inside, and made him move forward too. Gaon’s night shines on Yohan: all the time he spent with the Kangs, Gaon’s deep empathy and understanding, helping him reconnect with his niece, their dinners at night, his rage exploding when the truth about his parents was revealed, his desperation on the last two episodes (in ep. 15, seeing Gaon’s realization everything was a lie and Yohan was innocent, and in ep. 16, Gaon wanting to die by his side). Gaon’s night also shined on Soohyun, who wanted to protect him with all she got each time she saw him crumbling down.

There was still light on their dark road (which looks like a callback to Nightmare’s lyrics, « Save me from myself / Save me from this darkness that has lost its light »).

➔ Nightmare felt like it was Yohan and Sunah’s theme. When it last played when Sunah’s death happened on screen, it left me speechless (and if i remember correctly, the ‘save me from myself’ bit was played right when she shot herself … o u c h)!

[speedytherandom]

I posted 1,681 times in 2021

202 posts created (12%)

1479 posts reblogged (88%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 7.3 posts.

I added 413 tags in 2021

#percy jackson - 62 posts

#piper mclean - 53 posts

#annabeth chase - 52 posts

#mcga - 47 posts

#pjo/hoo - 44 posts

#pjo - 36 posts

#jason grace - 32 posts

#magnus chase - 30 posts

#alex fierro - 29 posts

#leo valdez - 28 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and also those pics that were the thalia nico and percy just vibing? like they went on adventures or something? those existed and were nice

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Perachel vs. Percabeth Solutions:

Either you:

You choose one, respect the other and live with it.

Cut out the middle man (Percy) and ship Rachabeth.

Polyamory.

75 notes • Posted 2021-09-07 04:46:52 GMT

#4

the floor 19 peeps just making a youtube channel where they do dumb shit like:

Magnus stuffing his face with pie

Truth or dare featuring Samirah

Bad battle reenactments (narrated by Jack who never actually appears on camera)

“REALLY SICK STUNTS AND SPECIAL EFFECTS!!!” (killing people in indescribably ways)

Dissecting a human (”totally not real”)

Room tours

Sour candy challenges (TJ wins or loses first idk which)

Reenacting memes

Prank calling Blitz and Hearth

Prank calling Thor

Prank calling Helgi

Rating Valhalla provided weapons 

Rating their own weapons (this ends with murder which are totally special effects)

Fashion tutorials with Alex (interrupted by Blitzen)

Therapy

Attempting to pass as valkyries 

Causing havoc among senior einherjar 

Makeup through the ages

feel free to add more.

89 notes • Posted 2021-08-12 05:40:22 GMT

#3

Sally started making blue food out of spite. Percy loves the color blue because Sally made blue food out of spite. She also kept her last name as Jackson when she married Gabe and Percy loved that too. I think that’s a defining characteristic of Percy cause like... that’s totally where he inherited his saltiness and sarcasm and sass and dam I mean Sally Jackson. 

122 notes • Posted 2021-01-29 17:32:09 GMT

#2

RR really made an angry and destructive teenage boy protagonist and then gave him healing abilities and a nature god as a father.

183 notes • Posted 2021-10-01 05:11:18 GMT

#1

Heroes of Olympus where it’s all the same but...

Leo gets proper development and we look into his trauma

Jason gets better development and doesn't just pass out constantly

Percy is still smart

Annabeth isn’t whatever the fuck happened (expect I like where she bonds individually with most if not each of the seven, keep that)

Piper is written right

Hazel does dumb 13/14 year old stuff 

Hazel has a bit of a crush on Frank but they don't date

Hazel gets some more discussion about her trauma

Frank doesn’t get the fitness thing but instead gains confidence

Frank and Leo don’t have their weird dumb beef

Jason and Piper break up halfway though the series and remain platonic friends

Percy and Annabeth are the only couple on the boat and everybody makes fun of them

Coach Hedge actually helps out

Yeah okay just rewrite the whole damn thing, it’s a mess.

582 notes • Posted 2021-08-24 03:00:28 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[hopeisour4letteredword]

innocent bones ch1

Summary: Apollo gets a wake-up call in a few ways. It’s okay, though--he’s got best-friend backup.

Link to AO3 in the notes.

Apollo’s first thought when his phone rings at some ungodly time in the middle of the night is fuck off. His second thought is oh my God oh no Clay, because he’s had a shit year and maybe it’s made him a bit paranoid and he’s Clay’s emergency medical contact. His third thought, as he toes the line of lucidity, is wait, that’s the ringtone I set for Klavier.

Fuck. If Klavier is calling him at this hour, it’s probably important.

He slaps haphazardly at his nightstand until he finds his phone and yanks it off the charger. He gives himself one last moment to squeeze his eyes shut against the ache of fatigue, then rallies enough to answer the call.

“Justice speaking.“

“...Hurts.”

Suddenly much more awake, Apollo sits bolt upright in bed. “What?”

“Herr Forehead,” Klavier says, in the most childish and petulant voice Apollo has ever heard out of him. To be fair, Apollo hasn’t heard him overtly childish all that many times, so that’s a low hurdle. It’s not much comfort. “Feel—feel sorry for me. I’m in pain.”

“You—what? Are you alright?”

“No.”

Apollo stares unseeingly into the darkness for a second until adrenaline overrides panic and he launches himself out of bed. He almost trips trying to keep his phone to his ear and disentangle the sheets around his legs at the same time. Light, where’s the light switch on his lamp? “Where are you? How bad is it?”

“It sucks,” Klavier whines. “An’ I’m all alone.”

“I’m coming to help. You’re gonna be fine. Are you—you sound really out of it. Did you hit your head? Are you drunk?”

Blood loss? he doesn’t ask. Don’t think about the worst-case scenario. Keep moving. He finds his keys and his wallet, tosses them over by his shoes near the door. No telling if he’ll need his bike or his bus card until he has more information.

“Drugs,” Klavier says, glumly. Apollo grits his teeth. Klavier is one of the most law-abiding people Apollo has ever met; there’s no way he took hardcore drugs of his own volition. Please don’t let it be roofies. Please don’t let him be stranded, injured and alone, in a place where somebody roofied him.

Clothes, clothes, Apollo needs to not get arrested for indecency the second he steps out the door. He yanks on the first pair of shorts he encounters. Shirt? He shoves a hand into his dresser blindly. It comes out clutching one of Clay’s old Sailor Moon shirts, faded and worn. Apollo wears it as a pajama shirt sometimes, but in public—fuck it. Klavier’s safety is worth the weird looks for being a grown man wearing a magical girl anime shirt in public. He’s not gonna dig around for an acceptable shirt at a time like this.

“Keep talking to me. What hurts?”

“My mouth.”

“Your mouth? What happened, do you remember?”

“They stole my teeth,” Klavier says, woefully, and that finally makes Apollo pause, balanced on one foot to pull a sock on the other.

“Your—your teeth?”

“Took ‘em—took ‘em right out. With knives. Now my mouth’s full of holes. It hurts, Herr Forehead.”

An image is cementing itself, slowly but surely, out of the fog of panic and lethargy in Apollo’s mind. He lowers his foot. “Who took your teeth?”

“Teeth doctor.”

“Did...did you get teeth taken out? By a dentist or—?”

“Yeah! Wis’om teeth. They stole them.”

Apollo slumps back against his door like a puppet with his strings cut, and sinks to the ground. He doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Oh my God, Klavier. Start with that next time.”

“Next time?” Klavier sounds genuinely befuddled. “But they’re already gone.”

“I thought you had been roofied or mugged or something,” Apollo says. He settles on laughter, and it comes out hysterical. “God. Don’t do that to me. I’m too young to have a heart attack.”

“Don’t do what? What’d I do?”

“You scared the shit out of me.” Apollo draws his knees up to his chest and leans on them, trying to take deep breaths. Klavier is okay. He’s not bleeding in an alleyway behind some bar. He’s not about to be assaulted. He’s only stoned on painkillers. “You owe me for this one. I was halfway out the door.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” There’s a rustling noise on the other end of the line. Klavier’s voice is soft and contrite. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

“That’s fine,” Apollo says. “We’re fine. I’m not mad. Well, maybe a little bit. Just—goddamn. Okay. Talking. I can talk. Wait. You’re home, aren’t you? You’re not wandering the city like this?”

He’s hyperaware of his own heartbeat, still too loud and too fast. That was a hell of a wake-up call. Apollo has more than enough trouble getting to sleep on a normal night. There’s no way he’s knocking out any time soon after this—might as well keep Klavier entertained if he’s going to be awake the rest of the night anyway.

“Yeah!” Klavier says, perking up again. “I’m home. Oh, but—Vongole is gone.”

“Gone?” Apollo frowns. “Where’d she go?”

“Sebastian took her.”

“What for?”

“He said I prob’ly shouldn’t walk her tonight,” Klavier says, despondently. “I miss her. She’s a good dog.”

“She is a good dog,” Apollo agrees. He scratches a hand through his bedhead and tries not to yawn. “But you’ll get to see her again soon. I’m sure Prosecutor Debeste will give her back tomorrow.”

“But I want her now.”

Apollo doesn’t have a rebuttal to that. God only knows how many times he sprawled next to Vongole on the floor while Mr. Gavin was out of the office, complaining about the trials of law school. She’s a good listener. Always knows when someone needs a hug. She’d make a good therapy dog if she didn’t have so much energy. It’s no wonder Klavier wants her back when he’s this miserable.

“Sorry, man.”

Klavier sighs melodramatically. “Can’t believe he left me and took my dog. I think he likes her better than me.”

“Can you blame him?” Apollo says, wryly. He realizes his mistake right as Klavier makes a quiet, wounded noise.

“...No.”

“Joke,” Apollo blurts out. Fuck. Of course Klavier is too out of it for their normal banter. “I’m joking. That was a joke. I didn’t mean—“

“It’s okay, Herr F—“

“Of course he doesn’t like your dog better than you. Don’t be stupid. That was a really shitty joke for me to make, and I didn’t mean it at all.”

Klavier laughs, weakly. “Right, sure.”

“You’re—ridiculously likeable.” It spills out of Apollo’s mouth before he can stop himself. But why should he stop himself? It’s the middle of the night and Klavier’s fucked up on painkillers and Apollo was an asshole. He can part with some kind words to make up for it. It’s the right thing to do, probably. God, he’s tired. “And a good person. Everybody likes you just fine.”

After a few beats of silence save for the shudder of Klavier’s breath across the line, Klavier asks, half-joking, “Even you?”

Apollo rolls his eyes. “No, I’m talking to you at three AM while you’re high as a kite on anesthetics because I hate you.” Another beat. “That was another joke. Just to be extremely clear.”

“You like me?” Klavier asks, so damn hopefully that Apollo doesn’t have it in him to pretend otherwise.

“Yeah.”

“I like you, too,” Klavier says, happily. Apollo’s heart thumps traitorously hard against his ribcage. He’s too exhausted to deal with his own pining right now. It’s not fair that Klavier can do this to him out of nowhere. He’s not even trying to flirt right now. He’s just a naturally affectionate person and it’s destroying Apollo. “I wish you were here. I wish Vongole or Sebastian was here. I’m bored and lonely and my mouth hurts.”

“I know, bud.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Sleep?” Apollo suggests. Klavier makes a dismissive sound. “Uh. Watch something on Netflix? Or whatever rock stars watch their movies and shit on these days.”

“I start falling asleep when I try to watch anything and then I have nightmares ‘cause my mouth hurts.”

That sounds like it will be a problem no matter what Klavier does to occupy himself. “Do you have more painkillers?”

“I... forgot where I put them. And how many to take.”

“Find them and read the bottle, then.”

“Print’s too small.”

“...Are you so drugged up you can’t focus on text?”

“No, but they made me take my contacts out before they stole my teeth, and—“

Klavier wears contacts? Apollo opens his mouth to ask about it, but there’s an abrupt series of loud noises on the other end of the call. Loud, brief knocking, the thud of a door closing, the jingle of metal on metal.

“Sebastian!” Klavier cheers. Apollo hears a distant curse and thumping. “You came back!”

A voice, muffled and indistinct. The intonation lilts into a question.

“Herr Forehead,” Klavier answers, matter-of-factly.

“Oh, good grief. Give that here.”

“No, don’t—!“

“Hello?” Prosecutor Debeste says, his voice clear and focused now. It has the polite edge of professionality. “Mr. Justice, I presume?”

“That’s right,” Apollo says. He feels kind of weird about talking to somebody from the Prosecutor’s Office who isn’t Klavier while he’s on the floor, hair a bird’s nest, wearing a Sailor Moon shirt and one sock. Yeah, Prosecutor Debeste can’t see that or anything, but it’s the principle of the matter. “Hi. Um.”

“Sorry about the trouble. I hope he hasn’t kept you up too long.”

“Uh, no.”

“Sebastian,” Klavier wails, in the background. “Give it baaack!”

“Are you staying with him right now?”

“Yes. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I just. To be honest, he made it sound like you stole his dog and ditched him.”

“Of course he did,” Prosecutor Debeste says, exasperatedly. Klavier whines, barely audible to the receiver. Vongole barks happily in response. “I’ve been here all night. I only took Vongole out for a bit to do her business and run around—she hasn’t been able to sleep either, not with Klavier this wound up. Don’t worry, he has someone keeping an eye on him.”

“That’s, um. Good to hear.”

“I can take care of things from here, so I’ll let you get some rest. Klavier can get in touch with you again in the morning if you need anything from him.”

“Sure, I guess.”

“Goodnight, Mr. Justice. Thanks for keeping him company for a while. Klavier, say good night—“

“But we were talking—!“

The line goes dead.

Apollo takes his phone away from his ear and just looks at it. He thinks maybe he should process the last thirty minutes. His mind chases itself in loops instead. After a minute, he presses the heel of his free hand against his eyes, trying to massage out the exhaustion headache that’s starting to set in. Fuck. He still doesn’t know if he can sleep. What’s Clay always trying to tell him, about resting and keeping your eyes closed for a while being better than not sleeping at all? Can’t be any worse, at least. He might as well give it a shot. He settles back into the sheets, long cold by now, and tries to relax.

A street—not dark, but dim, maybe, with the hazy glow of a setting sun in the evening. The shadows are long and the light is golden. It catches on the leaves of trees in the park, turns them ethereal with shining halos.

I’ve been here before, Apollo thinks, then, that’s absurd, it’s the park, of course I’ve been here before.

Another golden halo, beside him on the park bench. Klavier’s hair catching the sunlight it so often seems to be spun from. Klavier’s blinding smile as he laughs at something Apollo just said, something already forgotten. Déjà vu strikes Apollo again. He does remember being here, remembers the way Klavier turns to him with a conversational parry, smirking, words balancing perfectly on the bizarre line they walk between sharp and friendly.

That’s what he remembers. That’s not what happens this time. What happens this time is:

Klavier’s smile goes soft and warm, an affectionate curl of his lips, and he says, “I like you, too.”

[samclownchester]

The day is June 15 2020

The time is 3 am

The situation is that the world has fallen into a pandemic of Covid-19, and my job closed down in March, leaving me with lots of time on my hands. Despite my doubts, I fell back into Supernatural, deep into it, and I am now rewatching it. I thought it would be fun to try and see how much I could remember from earlier seasons before I watch them all

I have watched up to 1x14 at this point, so those episodes are fresh in my mind, but lets see what else I remember

Season 1

“Dad’s on a hunting trip, and he hasn’t been home in a few days”

“Saving people, hunting things, the family business”

Sam’s girlfriend dies just like his mom did

Their dad is the point of the season but is only actually in like 3 episodes

Sam and Dean break up but get back together

Sam has VISIONS and moves things with his MIND

Meg is a demon, Sam has a bit of a crush on her

They find their dad, but don’t kill the demon

colt

Season 2

Dean dies in a car crash, John sells his soul for him and dies

Bobby Singer is best dad

Ellen and Jo and Ash exist

Purple Nurple

Gordon?

Lots of psychics! Sam can make friends??

Jk, it’s the hunger games

Sam gets stabbed in the back

Dean sells his soul for him

They kill Azazel I think??

“I have … demon blood in me?”

Season 3

Saving Dean from his demon deal

Groundhog day episode where Dean dies everyday

Gabriel?? (trickster)

Blonde Ruby (let’s hear it for Laurel Lance!)

Very short because there was a writers’ strike that year

Hell hounds

Season 4

Dean was “gripped tight and raised from perdition” by Castiel

Sam has a new gf! (Surprise, it’s Ruby in a new body! :o)

Why does she pretend to not know Dean when he first shows up? Is she lying to Sam about who she is this whole time?? Hmmm I wish I remembered

Time travel?? (Sam doesn’t get to come ☹ )

Demon blood

Demon blood detox ☹

Let’s kill Lilith

“Because it had to be you Sam”

“The boy with the demon blood”

Season 5

Dean is the Michael sword

Sam is messed up, trying to quit demon blood

Cas rebelled, and he did it, all of it, for Dean

Adam Winchester is a person who exists

Also I think this is the season with Jesse the antichrist who never shows up again it’s fine.

He only existed so they could have important conversations about nature vs nurture which honestly they should’ve just saved from when Jack was born but they didn’t know that was gonna happen

More time travel??

Future

Cas likes drugs

Team Free Will

Samifer

Fall into the cage

Dean goes to live with Lisa and Ben

The end?

Season 6

Cas is working with Crowley and spying on Dean but not talking to him like the pining idiot that he is

Dean can’t help but inspect monster happenings in town

Soulless!Sam

Dean finds Soulless Sam

Hanging out with some old dude?

Get Sam’s soul back

Meet Death?

Find out Cas is working with Crowley

 O: Ultimate betrayal

???

Season 7

Leviathans

Godstiel?? Why?? Idr

Hallucifer

Please give Sam therapy

Sam goes to an asylum

Cas takes Sam’s trauma??    

More leviathans

Dick?

Charlie!

Kevin!

Garth? Did we know him before. Idk, we know him now

Dean and Cas go to purgatory!

When does Cas die and walk into the lake? That’s before they go to Purgatory, right? Hmmmm but how does he come back

 Cas is Emmanuel and has a wife? Is that in this season?

Season 8

Dean gets out of purgatory!

But no Cas

Sam had a girlfriend and a dog! Nice!

Not nice, he ignored Kevin and didn’t look for Dean

Like they agreed on, but whatever ok sue him for trying to be happy

Dean has a vampire boyfriend

Not so high and mighty about killing every monster are we now, huh Dean?

Right? I don’t remember, this is a conversation that happens though

He does end up killing Benny though, doesn’t he? huh

Cas is back from Purgatory! But he’s got Secrets ™

“I’m gonna become a hunter”

Then he stays in the old folks home and next time we see him he’s all wacky and likes to watch the bees?

Megstiel

You’re just playing sorry

Am I right?? I don’t remember, but all of this happens at some point

Who even is the big bad? What are we fighting? Idk

Oh we have to save Kevin from Crowley and he reads the demon tablet. Only eats hotdogs, doesn’t shave. I love him please keep him safe.

Spoilers, they don’t

Right! The trials, Sam does the trials, they “purify” him

The angels fall, but Sam doesn’t complete the trials and almost dies.

Season 9

Sam almost dies, Dean is like “right, nonconsensual possession is clearly the best answer for this”

Human!Cas, he drinks lots of water. Steve.

§  “you can’t stay here” :o

Abaddon I think?? What was the point

Crowley is sort of our friend now and I think we meet Rowena? Idr

Kevin dies ☹

“What is the upside to me being alive” – Sam

§  Maybe in this season, maybe not. Who knows?

Cas is a cannibal (eats grace) and becomes and angel again at some point

§  Hannah exists

We all hate Metatron

Cain??

Metatron stabs Dean and Sam puts his dead body on the bed

Demon!Dean

Season 10

Demon!Dean and Crowley are living it up!

Sam and Cas try to cure Dean

Charlie and Rowena interact a lot I think

Book of the Damned

When did they find the bunker? Men of Letters? All that? Idr, anyway they have it at this point

Dean kills lots of people

Charlie dies ☹

Dean blames Sam which is unfair and I hate it

They get the mark off and The DarknessTM is release

Season 11

The Baby episode exists

Really weird sexual tension between Dean and Amara while she’s still kind of a child, no one knows why. Please stop.

Cas gets called expendable and then makes poor life decisions

Lbr, though, Misha is the only other one who can play Lucifer with the same spirit as Mark Pellegrino. Sorry Jared, it’s the truth.

Eileen!! <3

Chuck is God :o

Let’s kill Amara!

Except we don’t kill her, she just needs to bond with her bro.

Here, have your mom back

Season 12

Mom????

British Men of Letters

Lucifer F*cks

Boy I didn’t think this would turn into what it did, let me tell you

Winchesters escape from Federal Prison

Cas says “I love you”

But like, the plural you. No homo.

Sam admits he lost his drive to lead, then finds it again and leads hunters against the dang brits! Hooray!

Oh shoot Lucifer wants custody of his kid!

FIGHT

Fatality – Castiel

Fatality – Mary

Oh no wait she didn’t die she’s just trapped.

Season 13

Jack jack jack jack jack

3 dads, all at various levels of dadding

Actually 2 excellent dads, one dad who is too emotionally damaged to dad but he tries sometimes

Yeah Cas pisses of a cosmic entity. That won’t come back to bite him

Jack just wants to be good

Wayward sisters was not picked up which sucks

Apocalypse world

Rowena is our friend now

Custody Battle!!! Who wins? Not Lucifer

We saved the day! And a ton of people

Literally they made a whole deal of the people being like “We won’t leave our home or our cause” and then they got back to Sam and Dean’s world, didn’t have archangel grace and were just like “meh, actually this place is cool. We don’t have to worry about going back”

Psych! We’re not done yet! Luci wants his kid

And Michael wants his planet

Season 14

Michael! Dean

Jack dies

But it’s ok, we fixed you, just don’t use your powers

Oh shoot he used his power

Nick is somehow alive

In love with Lucifer

Burn his ass!!

Oh Mary disapproves

RIP Mary

RIP Dean being a father, now he’s gonna murder

Hi Chuck, nice of you to show up

Oh no.

Season 15

Chuck sucks

Dean and Cas break up ☹

Sam has visions again

But he’s not psychic, it’s just the piece of his soul inside Chuck

Resurrect your girlfriend! Yeah!!

Jack is eating hearts, but it’s ok, Death told him to do it.

Garden of Eden?

Get your soul back boy!

 And cry

Honorable mentions (Aka these happened but idr when)

Sam falls in love with a werewolf and then has to kill her and MAN Jared really brought the tears

AU where Supernatural is a TV show

Finding out Supernatural is a book series and the author is Chuck!

Crowley becomes helpful mostly

Crowley has a son??

 Meet grandpa

Ellen, Jo, and Ash die

Bobby dies

literally everybody dies

Kill Hitler

They meet that Jewish guy with the Golem who pretended to flirt with Dean at some point.

Jimmy Novak was a devout man who deserved a lot better than he got

Claire Novak is so cool

She moves in with Jody

When do we meet Jody? She’s just always kinda been there?

Gabriel, I don’t remember anything about Gabriel

The council of the Gods’ happens and then I think Gabriel dies in that episode?? Idr

The Four Horsemen

Death, Pestilence, War, Famine

“You’re not hungry Dean”

 I literally do not remember what was happening with these guys

Also, they killed Death, killed a reaper, that reaper became the new Death. I remember when all that happened I just didn’t feel like putting it in the timeline.

[myncisworld-2point0]

[NOTE: This article is from 2014.]

According to some people, Mark Harmon is best known to his fans as Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs on CBS’s hit drama series NCIS. Those people are wrong, of course, because he’s always going to be Freddy Shoop, a summer school teacher in over his head in 1987’s appropriately-titled Summer School. Harmon turns the ripe, young age of 63 today, and it’s clearer than ever that this man is in possession of a map that leads to the Fountain of Youth, because Harmon ages with grace, am I right, ladies? In fact, while it’s no wonder why this actor was named People’s Sexiest Man Alive in 1986, it is rather shocking that he never received that accolade again, specifically in 1987, when the most important work of his career was released.

The coke-fueled era of the 1980s in Hollywood was filled with more high school movies about slackers and smartasses than anyone actually needed, especially when it came to featuring students who looked like they were older than the teachers. Summer School was always perhaps the most underrated of the decade’s tributes to slackademics (trademark pending) because what it lacked in the typical star power of, say, a John Hughes film, it more than made up for in creating arguably the most creative collection of “teenage” dipshits than any film of the genre. At the same time, it showed that Harmon, who was probably best known at the time for his role as the HIV-positive Dr. Robert Caldwell on St. Elsewhere, had a strong sense of comedy, while also confirming (along with her debut on Cheers that same year) that Kirstie Alley was much, much more than just a really attractive Vulcan.

Summer School isn’t just some cult classic that people love to mention whenever someone randomly asks, “Hey, whatever happened to Dean Cameron?” It was actually well-received at the box office, earning $36 million in theaters on what I assume was a budget of a few rolls of nickels and someone’s baseball card collection. Critics, however, were a little more mixed on this mindless comedy, as Roger Ebert gave it one-half star out of four, which sounds a lot better than one star out of eight, so you know what? I’ll take it.

Maybe in the movie business we could coin the term vaporfilm, for movies that zip right through our brains without hitting any memory molecules.

“Summer School” is a movie like that, a comedy so listless, leisurely and unspirited that it was an act of the will for me to care about it, even while I was watching it. This movie has no particular reason for being, other than to supply employment for people whose job possibilities will not be enhanced by it. (Via RogerEbert.com)

Here’s a tip for all of you aspiring film critics out there, courtesy of King Ebert – if you’re watching a movie with a title as lazy as Summer School, and the opening of the film features a school’s teachers trying to haul ass after the bell on the last day of the semester so they don’t get suckered into teaching the titular course, get up and walk out. Leave the movie for those of us who love to watch stupid movies and go to the next theater to watch and analyze La Bamba. Perhaps that’s why the fan reviews of Summer School on Netflix seem to be so glowing, as I only found three that were two stars or less. In fact, here’s the worst of them all:

Nothing but trash. Nothing worth seeing. Degenerate teens in bad need of harsh discipline. It’s depressing to think that so many young people actually enjoy this trash. This movie is immediately available from NF while so many more interesting ones languish in the ‘saved’ section, or in ‘short wait’, ‘long wait’, or ‘very long wait’ status. Just one more nail in the coffin of American culture, or lack thereof.

Thank God Armond White weighed in. The majority of people, myself included, fondly remember Summer School for what it is – a fun, stupid movie that was meant to make us laugh, while perhaps also rubbing our noses in the awesomeness of 80s California if we didn’t live there. But I’ll take this analysis one step further by laying out these 10 very important lessons that I took away from Summer School after watching it this morning, in paying tribute to Harmon, a man who was Kevin Costner before Kevin Costner was Kevin Costner.

Always put sunglasses on your dog.

Fact: 100% of movie posters that have dogs wearing sunglasses on them are movies that I’m willing to at least watch. The movie could be called This Dog Dies from Space AIDS, and I’d still be curious to see why that dog is wearing sunglasses.

Always have an escape plan.

When everybody else is hauling ass from the faculty parking lot at the last second, there’s no reason that you shouldn’t already be packed for your trip to Hawaii. I don’t like to point fingers, but Mr. Shoop’s girlfriend is clearly at fault here. All she had to do was pack the car for him, and he could have jumped in and taken off for the airport. Instead, Kim kicked her man while he was down and not only snatched her ticket to Hawaii from the pocket of his rad flowered shirt, but she also told him to drive her to the airport. I don’t mean to offend anyone who is overprotective of fictional characters, but I hope that Kim was eventually fed to the volcano gods.

Also, let’s consider this a lesson within a lesson – would you walk away from your teaching job right now if someone handed you a winning lottery ticket for $50,000? I say no. Just pass all of the morons while you spend the class time reading up on investment opportunities.

Never be afraid to encourage the creativity of your students.

https://youtu.be/-5Pku48YPFo

The true sign of a teacher’s efforts in a classroom is how far the students are willing to go to show others their appreciation of his work. In Shoop’s case, once he resigned because his students were greedy little pricks, those same students objected to a new teacher taking over the class by staging a gruesome and horrifying murder scene, complete with two of the students wielding chainsaws, declaring themselves psychopaths and thus taking credit for the violence. Of course, I can’t stress this enough, no high school students should ever think about trying to recreate this scene today.

On a side note, and I hate to nitpick true artistic masterpieces, if you’re going to have a severed hand pull a dude’s tongue out of his mouth and slap him with it, it’s really important that he not blink. Damn it, people, we need accuracy.

Being a male teacher in California in 1987 was probably terrifying.

https://youtu.be/farC0cWkpvc

Between Summer School and Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, 1987 was a huge year for Courtney Thorne-Smith. Hell, both movies came out in the same week in July, when she was just 19 years old and poised to become the next big things in terms of girls that all teen boys wanted to marry. Unfortunately, her movie career never really panned out, as the last live action role she had on the big screen was as Natalie in the Carrot Top hot fart Chairman of the Board. Her TV career was obviously a lot better, but that’s neither here nor there. Having her play a lovelorn surf goddess crushing on Shoop probably lured a lot of guys to the teaching profession, only to have them learn the hard way that prison sucks.

Additionally, there was the foreign exchange student Anna-Maria Mazarelli, who would grow up to win our hearts as Alotta Fagina. Was it standard procedure for foreign exchange students to be shoved into remedial English classes upon arrival? Sure.

It’s important to support fine arts programs.

https://youtu.be/u0kF24ceZMI

When I write about how hilarious it was how Hollywood tried to make us buy that some actors were teenagers when they were clearly at least a decade older, Ken Olandt is really Exhibit A. The guy who played Larry, the sleeping student by day and male stripper by night, was actually 29 when he was portraying a 17-year old, which is pretty hard to pass when very few teenage boys A) look like that and B) are hired to shake their dongs in strip clubs. Still, glaring age gaps and statutory and employment laws aside, it was nice to see that Shoop was so cool about Larry’s awesome after-school job. That is until he was busted by his mom and presumably spent the next decade in therapy.

It’s not lying if the company ripped you off in the first place.

The first time that I ever saw Summer School, I was convinced that the part about writing letters to companies to get free stuff would work every time. I spent a lot of time trying to write letters to the companies that made my favorite toys, so I could convince them that the action figures and especially the vehicles that I couldn’t afford had been broken. But then I realized that I might be called on my BS, and guys in suits might show up to my home demanding to see the broken toys, and then I’d be screwed and sent off to prison for lying. Ultimately, owning Krang’s fortress wasn’t worth a life spent in prison making license plates, which is how TV and movies taught me that license plates were made.

Jail in California looks very scary.

I still don’t know what the guy with the mustache is doing with his hand, but it’s really scary and I don’t want to ever have someone do that to me, so I’ve chosen to lead a life on the straight and narrow. Thank you, Summer School, for teaching us that jail is filled with scary perverts who want to do bad things to shirtless men on roller skates.

No matter the risk, steal your boss’s girlfriend.

https://youtu.be/B7ZTNm5o780

Vice Principal Gills was a pretty big bite in the ass, so we had to cheer for Shoop in pursuit of Robin Bishop, because Shoop was the coolest and his girlfriend had only recently taken off for Hawaii without him. Sure, Robin was kind of stuck up because she questioned the legitimacy of taking students to something as awesome as a petting zoo, which produced adorable moments like this:

And she also wore a denim shirt tucked into a different shade of denim skirt, because it was the 80s, but she had a good heart and she just wanted what was best for all students, even if it meant agreeing to a date with Shoop to get there. Also, Gills looked like a total goober-douche, and there’s no reason he should have been with Robin.

Education can be a compromise.

https://youtu.be/LzdoMQL_jR8

Is Alan Eakien one of the most underrated teen nerds of cinema? I say yes. That kid may have been dumber than rocks compared to his genius brothers, but he negotiated circles around Shoop. In exchange for a slightly-above-half-assed effort from less than half of the original class roster*, Shoop’s couch was set on fire, his goldfish murdered and car wrecked, bookending that whole going to jail for the two D-bags thing. Things could have been considerably worse, too, because Robin could have tried to get him banned from teaching for the rest of his life for allowing a female student to live with him.

But ultimately Shoop sacrificed so much for the sake of helping a few of his students learn some lessons about life, since they didn’t all pass their exams. Is he a good teacher for that or was he just an idiot being taken advantage of by other idiots? Especially idiots who looked like this:

Being an idiot isn’t all that bad, so long as you’re not a total idiot.

https://youtu.be/8fvhchY0UmY

Hey, in the end, some of those kids passed their exams, and the most important of them all was Pam, because that meant she could move on and not try to make it so Shoop returned to jail. This guy went from being just a run-of-the-mill bro’s bro gym teacher to making an impact in the lives of some kids who looked like they were grown adults. Sure, he couldn’t even talk a 17-year old out of stripping, and he allowed some of his students to treat the foreign exchange student like a sex model, but Freddy Shoop probably learned more than anyone.

Also, he totally stole the douchebag Vice Principal’s girlfriend, and Wonder Mutt found Bobby again in the end, so this really was a movie with a beautiful and happy ending.

[foreverandalwayscrysis]

Eisha’s Bellarke Fic Rec Masterlist

An anon asked me (BACK IN AUGUST, I’M SORRY ANON) for my favorite Bellarke fics and I kinda went overboard? Not sorry. The ones bolded & italicized are some of my top favorites/most memorable ones I’ve read!

Authors, if you’d like me to remove your tags, please let me know! All links lead to AO3 profiles.

Modern AU - Multiple Chapters

Picking Up What You’re Laying Down – rated E – by verbaepulchellae – @verbam

Yall... I owe this fic my firstborn.

Aurora Borealis – rated E – by enoughtotemptme – @enoughtotemptme - tattoo artist Bellamy and florist Clarke? Yes.

The Odds are Good – rated E – by tacosandflowers – @tacosandflowers - This is the whitewater kayaking fic you didn’t know you needed, BUT YOU DO.

Extra bonus: New Expectations – Rated T 

Sleight of Hand - rated E - by prosciutto - enemies to friends to lover while on a heist and honestly, I wasn’t ready.

Don’t Wake Me, I’m Not Dreaming – rated M – by grumpybell - @grumpybell - If you haven’t read Erin’s works by now, what are you doing? Go. Read. Fall in love. Cry! (hi Erin!!!)

when there’s nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire - rated M - by theoneinquisitor

“the angsty bellarke boxing fic literally no one asked for”

Vienna Waits For You - rated M - by panem_et_circenses

“ Clarke sort of launches herself - or maybe just her lips? - at Bellamy to avoid an awkward encounter with her ex.”

tooi mirai ni doko e yuku no - rated E - by Chash

I Make My Own Luck – rated M – by somethingofatrainwreck

After All - rated E - by lightyears 

When The Sun Came Up, You Were Looking At Me) – rated M – by heartsinsync - @lydia-martin 

Just Like the Kids in Art School Said They Would – Rated M – by LayALioness 

100 Ark Street – rated T - by smallerontheoutside - @smallerontheoutside 

My Mind Forgets to Remind Me (You’re a Bad Idea) – rated M – by prosciutto - @prosciuttoe

You Should Say Hi – rated M – by redwild_rush

Every Little Thing She Does is Magic – rated T – by prosciutto

AUs – One Shots/Single Chapters/Drabbles

Canon AU:

sleeping like we’re lovers - rated M - by cassiesandsmarked

And then it’s just too much (I cannot get you close enough) - rated E - by verbaepulchellae

the spine of your body and its bones - rated T - by coffee_grounders

Coffeeshop AUs:

Name Tag – rated T – by HomebodyNobody - @smolmontygreen

Life Stories Are Second Date Material – rated G – by nymja - @gizkasparadise

Always Me That Ends up Getting Wet – rated T - by chash - @ponyregrets

Where Everybody Knows Your Name - rated G - by chash

Let Me Show You Them - rated G - by chash

A Cup of Coffee, a Sandwich and You – rated T – marauders_groupie - @marauders-groupie - Bellarke being total nerds with matching shirts, obviously.

Lights, camera, action – rated E – by orphan_account - This account has over 4485 fandoms. If you can name it, it has it. There are 324 fics for The 100.

Not An Average Cup of Joe - rated G - by Kacka - @katchyalater 

College/University AU:

Cancelled Benefits – rated E – by asroarke - @asroarke 

Sounds Fake But Okay - rated T - by asroarke - @asroarke

Embrace it, princess because I love everything about you – rated E – by EmmaVentury

what goes around comes around (just like a flip turn) - rated M - by emullz

Game on – by winterwaters 

Wrapped It Up and Sent It – rated T – by prosciutto

How You Get The Girl – rated E - by chash - @ponyregrets 

The Cosmic Ballet Goes On - rated T- by chash

The Man Who’s Working Hard For You - rated T - by chash

No One Can Lift the Damn Thing - rated M - by chash

Last Round For A.M. Lovers - rated T - by LayALioness

How It Is For Us - rated M - by LayALioness

This is good a place to fall as any – rated E – by MissMarissa

We will stumble through heaven – rated E – by MissMarissa

Tastes sweet like sugar – rated E – by lightyears

Sexretary – rated E – by lightyears

Love is a Trip (But Fuckin’ is a Sport) – rated E – by caramelle

Gimme That Sugar With The Sweet Talk - rated E - by twilightstargazer

You Think This Happens Every Day? - rated E - by arysa13

Fantasy/Magic AU:

With A Mouthful of Thorns - rated T - by grumpybell

Only The Sound of Our Breath Soaks In - rated G - by LayALioness

Make My Messes Matter - rated T - by prosciutto

what do stars do best? - rated G - by MercuryM

It’s Such An Ancient Pitch - rated G -by LayALioness

Flower Shop AUs:

The Nature of My Game – rated T – by chash

Next To You (The Skies are Blue) – rated M – by thingcalledlove

Flower Therapy – rated G – by dimplesmcflirt - @thesongwithin

Bellamy steals flowers from Clarke’s garden to visit his mother’s grave.

Stubborn Asshole - rated E - by dimplesmcflirt

Bellamy apologizes with a yellow balloon.

Glasses!Bellamy:

Seldom Make Passes – rated T – by chash

Suddenly I see (this is what I wanna be) – rated T – by caramelle

Harry Potter AU:

The Giant Squid’s Got Nothing On You – rated T – by twilightstargazer - @hiddenpolkadots​ 

Why Don’t We Break The Rules, Already? - rated M - by LayALioness 

where dwell the brave at heart - rated T- by spiekiel 

Pro Bono - rated T - by chash

Curriculum Vitae - rated T - by chash

Librarian!Bellamy:

Check Me Out – rated E – by chash

Don’t Trust People Who Read Fight Club - rated T - by maurauders_groupie

let your magic pull me in - rated T - by MercuryM

gonna check you out - rated T - by kay_emm_gee

Modern Setting AU:

third time’s the charm - not rated* - by cosmic_kate

see they want to buy my pride - rated T - by spiekiel

People Are Strange When You’re A Stranger - rated G - by LayALioness

stumbling upon cosmos - rated M - by flirtingwithtrackers

a character study (of sorts) - rated T - by orangecoconut

Bellarke from Murphy’s perspective.

Happy New Year, Losers – rated T – by by chash - The Office AU!

Better to Give than to Receive – rated E – by chash

Sequel: Tis The Season - rated T - by chash

If You Do It Right, It is Sublime – rated T – by chash

We Never Go Out of Style - rated T - by chash

The Weather Outside is Frightful - rated E - by chash

What We Do To Each Other - rated M - by maurauders_groupie

You Look As Good As The Day I Met You - rated T - by prosciutto

Bellarke with Pets:

To Those Who Know How to Listen – rated T – @enoughtotemptme 

Love in the Time of Cats – rated G – by sheryl_sems

Puppy Love - rated G - by asroarke

Roomates AU:

A Little Bit of Something (God, It’s Better Than Nothing) – rated T – by grumpybell 

Someday – rated T 

No Space Lies In Between - rated M - by prosciutto

Social Media Bellarke:

after the beep (i’ll tell you i love you) - rated T - by emullz

Flowers Fade, But The Internet Lasts Forever – not rated – by caramelle

Why Do You Write Like You’re Running Out Of Time - rated T - by chash

That’s What You Think, Captain Cocky - rated M - by chash

You’re Cool On The Internet, At Least - rated T - by prosciutto

Instincts - rated T - by abldav

Soulmate AU:

In Words And Pictures - rated T - by lettertoelise

Focal Point - rated T - by grumpybell

Space AU:

These Arms of Mine - rated M - by talistheintrovert - @talistheintrovert (HI BABE ILY, THIS LIST TOOK ME MONTHS)

Sun Lights Up The Daytime - rated E - by Chash

ikite yuku tame ni - rated G - by Chash

Superhero AU:

I've Been Dreaming of You from the Other Side (I Know You So Well) – rated E – by chash

And That’s Terrible - rated T - by chash

situation normal, all fucked up - not rated - by questionablemorals

Teacher/Teaching AU:

veni, vidi, vici - rated T - by chash

afraid to call this place our own - rated E - by HawthorneWhisperer

teacher’s pet - rated E - by troubledpancakes 

Collections/Series with varying prompts:

A Light That’s Keeping Us Forever – rated E – by enoughtotemptme

Kiss Her Twice, Keep The Night On – rated E – by prosciutto

Neeeeeeeeeerds – rated E – by Chash

Clarke joins the Junior Classical League, for Bellamy.

Get Me Some of That - rated E - by panem_et_circenses

We Fall Together - rated T - by kacka

Stupid for You – rated G – by ix3thehpseries

When you land on Earth - rated M - by MercuryM

[ithinkthingsaboutstuff]

Going Rogue:In Lock-Up With You

This is a fic series, that looks at the ecosystem of Arkham asylum, How the rogues interactions with one another and how therapy is or is not administered. The partnerships, the connections, the feud’s and the all the madness that rest inside the padded walls.  

Going Rogue:

part 1: In Lock-Up With You.

The gates at Arkham always screech but not the squeaks you would usually find on an old rusted gate. The sounds that came from Arkham always have an element of dread, the gates here howled with more than scraping metal. Sounds so loud and so haunting like the screams of all who came before could not leave as their souls got stuck to the gate and are now forced to try and shake their way out. Arkham much like its gates is full of sounds that can’t leave, behind the bars hides monsters and underneath those monsters hide the shattered shells of men and women, or at least that’s what they say.

‘So, how are you feeling today Victor?’

The man or rather what is left of this man, rubs his thumb on the back of his left hand, the sound of scrapping ice accompanying the movement. The young doctor in front of him churning in her seat in both impatience and an effort to warm herself.

‘Feeling?’

His voice vibrated like a whispering echo bouncing off metal walls.

‘My feelings were frozen, along with my Nora.’

‘Yes, Nora, how is she?’

‘I do not know, no one will tell me, they just keep her away, behind glass, beyond my reach.’

‘I’m sure they are working hard to cure her.’

‘Oh, yes, they will try, and they will fail, as they have failed time and time again, but nothing any of them do, will ever be as much as I am willing to do to help my Nora. So, until they realise that, Nora and I will remain frozen together.’

The doctor shakes her pen across the page in front of her, the speed of which she wrote was a symptom of the cold icy room and her wish to move the session along as to not stay longer then she absolutely had to.  

‘I see, we need to do more work on that, ok, how have you been in your cell, are you comfortable?’

‘I will not die in the night if that is what you mean, but your notion of comfort is something I have all but given up on.’

‘Now Dr Freeze that is a very defeated mind set, there is no need for hopelessness.’

The man looked at the doctor his eyes glassy and cold, his blue face veiled in white granite, his stare full of icy indifference.

‘It must be very simple to say that, when you are the one who is able to leave this place, able to feel the autumn breeze, able to feel the light of the sun on your cheek and the warm embrace of the one you love. Oh, no, Doctor it is not hopelessness I feel, or rather anything I feel that troubles me, It is what I no longer feel, what I no longer have, what I no longer can hold in arms, warmth that is forever out of my reach, that, Doctor, is what troubles me.’

The doctor shifts in her seat and looks at her notes and then to her watch. She then looks the man in his frosted eyes.

‘I think that’s as far as you and I are going to get today, I have to go see my other patient, now.’  

She rushed through her words as she gathered her papers, uneasiness filled her but the tension did not faze the man before her as if it froze before it could reach him. He sat there, starring, waiting, as she left him there.

‘The young are so impatient, just as we once were, Nora.’

The doctor went into the hallway where the guards were standing shoulder to shoulder either side of the door, she then took off the large parka letting out a shiver as she did and placed it back on the hook that was next to the guards.

‘Chilly isn’t it?’

She said to the guard as she brushed some ice off the now hanging coat.  

‘The room or the thing in it?’

He answered with a soft chuckle, she ignored his comment.

‘He just has such an icy shell, I feel I need a lot more time with him, but I have my other patient to see.’

‘Right, you got the laughy one next, good luck with that maniac.’

Before she could answer there was a loud commotion making its way up the hall.

‘Unbelievable, unacceptable, It was a lucky guess nothing more, you hear me, Batman, you have not out smarted me, you have only postponed your defeat at my hands, you hear me, you hear me.’

There he was, a big black shadow making its way silently down the hall, he was not an unfamiliar presence but always a commanding one. Darkness pulled into him swallowing light creating a thick blank void that surrounded him. He glided down the hall with a struggling man cladded in green.

‘Ngyma’s back,’

One of the guards sighed,

‘Yep, just can’t help himself,’

The other replied.

‘Ha, yeah, I mean the guy holds the record for breaking out of this place, he never gets caught and we don’t know how he keeps doing it. If he would just lay low and get out of the city, he would be sitting pretty on an island somewhere laughing it up, but no, got to poke the bat, ever damn time, It’s just getting sad.’

‘Crazy is as crazy dose huh, so who won the pool?’

‘I think Dan, he had two weeks,’

‘How much was it this time?’

‘About six hundred and two shift changes,’

The other man gave a long approving whistled in response.

‘Not bad.’

The Doctor thumbed her notes as The Bat dragged the other man down the hall, The Bat made everybody nervous, like you had to be on your best behaviour even if you were afraid of him, especially if you were afraid of him. The Bat would come and go, to drag somebody in or to drag something out of somebody. He got dear dreary Arkham to bend to his will, something she did not often do, but Arkham was always kind to those who knew how to speak to her, and The Bat always whispers just the right things.

As The Bat moved past the two men and the doctor, Edward Nygma still struggled in his grip, He had caught the prince of puzzles in the midst of a bank robbery or was it a museum heist or was it a city wide scavenger hunt, the truth is it does not matter as the point is never the physical goal but rather the thrill of the game. A game that Edward Nygma always wins, except when it comes to The Bat for The Bat never plays by the rules. Down the hall they stumble as they reach deeper into the asylum and the rooms became increasingly familiar, Edward started to slowdown and loosen with each step he knew that Arkham’s loving embrace was about to take him once again, so he did not fight it.

‘Oh, to be back home again, mind you Batman, having Arkham for a home is much like having a muse for a mother, you become weak at her magistery and awe at their beauty, but there is no warmth, no real love found here, just somewhere familiar to whittle away your mind, while you wait for the feeling of Jamais vu to creep in and take you.’

The Bat still dragged him silently through the halls, he had loosened his grip, nowhere near enough for a chance to escape him, but a bruise will not be left now that Edward has stopped fighting him.

‘Now don’t be like that Batman, you know how this goes by now, you drag me in, I stay for a while, I break out, you and me play a few games, you cheat I end up back in here, and round and round we go.’

‘I will find out how you keep escaping, Nygma,’

‘Oh, I’m sure you’ll try, but that my dear Batman is one of my many riddles you cannot solve. Speaking of which, how about another, I make two people out of one. What am I?’

‘A Mirror.’

‘Oh, I think Harvey might disagree with you on that one,’  

Edward let out a smug laugh,

‘Oh, Batman, it’s too easy with you sometimes.’

As they reached the elevator that lead to the cells the guard standing there stepped forward,

‘I’ll take him from here Batman,’

Edward laughed,

‘Oh, why, is it because you want be to escape your arms this time, as opposed to just slipping away from your so-called watchful eye, hmm, Bolton.’  

‘You’re not getting to me today Ngyma,’

Edward gave a sly grin.

‘Oh, no, would not dream of it, but you have it backwards, you can’t get me, that’s why you got pushed to elevator duty,’

‘You will not be leaving here again Nygma, you hear me, not happening, not one more god damn time. I can promise you that Batman.’

Bolton’s face turned to hard stone and The Bat said nothing as he passed Edward over to him.

‘Well, this is where we part ways Batman, its been fun, until next time, c'est la vie.’

The dark figure moved back down the hall as Bolton pulled Edward into the elevator.

‘Hey, Bolton, Hey, Bolton, Hey, Bolton, Hey,’

‘What, Now, Ngyma,’

‘I have no feet, no hands, no wings, but I climb to the sky. What am I?’

‘Not, playing, your games.’

‘Come on its an easy one, even you could get it.’

Silence.

‘No? well, I’ll just tell you, shall I, its Smoke, similar to the kind coming out of your ass, when you told Batman you can stop me getting out of here.’

Bolton then hit a button on the elevator making it come to a complete halt.

‘I don’t think I made myself clear,’

Bolton then grabbed Edward by the collar of his shirt.

‘You are not getting out of here again.’

‘What are you doing? Stop.’

Bolton then punched the other man in the face, Edward’s head hit the wall of the elevator as he slid to the ground. Bolton then winds back his leg and begin to kick the man on the ground, harder and faster with each one. Edward yelled out but no one could hear him and even if they did there was no guarantee anyone would come. Bolton’s foot began to stomp all over Edward body, Edward was not a stranger to a beating by his father, by his classmates and The Bat, but this was different. This time was the first time that Edward was not sure if he was going to walk away. As he knew his father was too much of a coward to murder him, that his classmates where all just children looking for an easy target and The Bat had his one rule, and if he were ever to break it, he would not waste it on him. But Bolton had a point to make and Edward was not sure how far he was willing to go to prove it, as Edward is also very familiar with the great length’s men are willing go to prove themselves. Bolton then grabbed the man by the collar and slammed him hard against the wall, so they were face to bloody face.

‘You aren’t leaving here again Nygma, but since you have trouble understanding that let me spell it out. If you think you can just walk out of here, I’ll break your legs. If you think you can crawl out of here, I’ll break your arms. If you think you can talk your way out of here, I’ll smash your skull. Do you get it now, you’re not leaving, as of right now you’re on lock-up, you and all the other freaks. You’ve all have had run of this place for too long, but not anymore, not anymore.’

Bolton then let go of Edward’s collar and restarted the elevator, Bolton then Grabbed Edward’s arm and held him upright. As the elevator opened again Bolton then guided Edward into the hall where a man was sitting at a desk.

‘Oh, Nygma’s back, guess I won the pool, huh.’

‘Yeah you sure did Dan,’

‘Batman really did a number on him today, hey Bolt’

Dan then looked Edward up and down with mild concern.

‘Actually, he might have overdone it this time, well, for Nygma anyway.’

‘I’ll throw him in his cell, you can send up a doctor later.’

Bolton then pulled Edward along. Edward was in a daze, fresh blood running down his face. His thoughts were not straight enough for him to voice them, he could only go along to whatever his new fate may be. Bolton dragged him along the cells. The cell block in Arkham was a maze and that’s not a colourful metaphor, after one of the many escapes and explosions it took all of Gotham’s wisdom to make this new cell block in Arkham to be designed as a maze so that anyone trying to get out would have one hell of a time trying to getting away. How effective that was remained to be seen but the doctors certainly had a hard time finding their patients.

As Edward carried his heavy footsteps and his heavy thoughts, Arkham began to sing to him with its chorus of bellowing screams and high pitch cry’s, along with the percussion of the bashing and clawing limbs desperately hitting and scraping at the walls. The symphony of the insane, the melody of monsters or the affirmation of animals whichever way you look at it Arkham held them tight in its embrace, cold and suffocating.

Bolton made it to the right cell, he then uncuffed the man he was holding and then held him by the scruff of his neck before throwing him into the cell. Edward landed face first on the ground, he laid there unmoving, hands by the side of his face, blood pooling at his top lip. Bolton stared down at him and mocked.

‘You’ll be fine, for now. As long you stay in lock-up.’

He then made his way down the hall whistling cheerfully as he did and smiled at his good work. For Arkham is a madhouse filled with monsters but not all the monsters here are behind cells.

to be continued

[astarryon]

Hard Feelings Part 2

Pairings: Bucky x reader

Warnings: None

A/N: inspiration hit me heavy for this update, and I think I’ve finally decided on the direction I wanna take this series. I hope you like this one! A bit angsty toward the end, but I promise the fluff will be rolling in soon Until then, enjoy!

Part 1

-

Aside from the very specific case of Bucky Barnes, you seemed to be excelling at making friends in the tower. Steve had taken the initiative to call a group meeting among all of the people residing in the tower for the time being in order to introduce you, which pretty much meant that you were now acquainted with all of the Avengers. And to think you’d been star struck when you had met Steve just a little earlier that morning.

“So which one of us are you here to babysit?” Clint, who was reclining against Natasha’s side, lightheartedly questioned you. “It’s not me, is it? I’d hate to be on Fury’s shortlist of ‘misbehaved individuals’.”

“Sorry to say, but I think everyone in this tower is on that list,” Tony Stark quipped, walking over from the counter he’d been standing at for several moments and depositing a glass of water into your hands. You smiled at him in thanks, sipped from it for a moment, and then set it down on the coffee table in front of where you and Steve were sat.

Sam Wilson, who was perched on the arm of the sofa beside you, scoffed. “Speak for yourself, tin man. My behavioral reputation is spotless.”

In an effort to put a stop to the bickering, Steve raised his voice above all of the chatter. You smirked a bit, unable to keep from chuckling at the fact he seemed like a father chastising his misbehaved children. “Y/n isn’t here to babysit anyone, guys, come on. She’s been assigned to Bucky’s, uh, therapy detail.” Conveniently, Bucky happened to be the only person missing from the room; you got the sense that hadn’t been an accident on his part.

At the sound of Steve’s words, a hush had fallen over the large group before you. Wanda, her wide eyes glancing at you in sympathy, sheepishly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear; the main emotion you were currently getting from her seemed to be one of sympathetic surprise. Bruce Banner’s predominant emotion was one of outright panic, and the rest of the group’s feelings seemed to complement the tone.

Well, everyone’s emotions aside from Tony’s.

“Rest in fucking pieces, you poor soul,” he muttered from under his breath, unable to help the guffaw which escaped him directly after. “Fury seriously didn’t get the memo after the last one?” That earned a couple of snickers from the group around you, and you found your interest piqued in a morbid fashion.

As an agent of SHIELD, you had obviously heard some details about what happened to those who were assigned to Winter Soldier duty; it was why you’d been so hesitant to agree to this so called promotion in the first place. Nobody would say so out in the open, but everyone regarded being given this particular assignment as a form of quiet punishment from Nick Fury. There had been many days when you and your colleagues had sat and laughed together at your lunch time, discussing the small tidbits of gossip and knowledge you had all managed to glean from your superior officers. Lena Vasquez, your closest friend, had been the one who always managed to gain the most information, and somehow always won the bets you and the rest of your group would place on how long the next psychologist who was sent to stay at the tower would last. As hard as you tried, though, you couldn’t seem to place who the last assignment had been, or what had become of them.

“Oh my god,” Natasha laughed. That was a little weird to see; each time you’d pictured Natasha Romanov, you thought of her has someone to be feared. Of course, she was definitely intimidating, even if she was currently casually cuddling Clint. It was just, on the list of things you had expected to witness in your life, seeing Black Widow in blue jeans and a messy ponytail hadn’t been something you’d deigned to pencil on. “Morgan was here for like what, three days?”

“Yeah, and then Farrah Fawcett Hairspray threw the biggest tantrum this side of the country,” Tony muttered. The irritation which must have been tied to the memory bubbled up to the surface, extending out from Tony’s words and seeping into your skin. “Took me three weeks to get that glass replaced. Insurance doesn’t exactly cover somebody getting thrown from a 93rd story picture window; that shit came out of my pocket.”

“Your name is plastered on buildings all over the city, Stark,” Sam quipped. “I’m sure you can afford a damn window.” You might’ve laughed at all of the chuckling and grumbling going on by everyone around you if you weren’t suddenly so concerned for your own survival, and at the casual mention of an attempted murder.

“He… he threw someone out of a window?” What had you done? What had you done to make the universe become this dead set against you? Scratch that, actually; who the hell had outed you to Fury and when was going to be your next available chance to sock them in the jaw?

“It was fine,” Clint offered, the fact that he was attempting to do damage control coming across as mildly insulting, considering the fact that he was still laughing. “The guy only fell one story, okay? The balcony broke his fall; Buck knew it would.”

“Great,” you muttered, blinking and raising your eyebrows. “Glad to know I’m safe, at least.”

“I mean,” Wanda chimed, staring off thoughtfully. “No matter what, it could never be as bad as the time that Bucky blew up—”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Steve interjected, his embarrassment rising, punctuated with a spike of stress. The flavor of it left a sour taste in your mouth. “You guys are gonna scare her off, and that’s the exact last thing I need.” Offering you a tentative glance, Steve placed a hand on your shoulder to provide you with some sense of comfort. “I know it sounds bad, but you’re the first agent with a superpower to be assigned. And I promise I’m not gonna let Bucky throw you out of a window, if that helps at all.”

Confusion suddenly took over as the predominant emotion in the room, in addition to wonder and curiosity. You would need to tune out of your gift soon, if the emotions of the others kept swaying back and forth so drastically. That was something you had learned to do at a young age, and it was a skill necessary to maintaining your sanity. Your emotions were something you could easily get into check, but the heightened sympathy your power forced you to hold for others and their feelings possessed the ability to send you over a mental cliff, which was something you weren’t interested in in the slightest.

“Whoa, wait,” Bruce began, “you’re a super?” When you nodded, he looked around at the others in the room, pleasant surprise etched onto his features. “I mean, Bucky hasn’t had anyone with powers try to treat him since Wanda.”

“Because powers that can manipulate mental aspects are hard to come by,” Steve agreed. “Yeah, trust me, I know. That’s why I’m hoping Bucky won’t be so quick to turn y/n away, like he did with all the others.”

You shook your head, a humorless laugh escaping you. When Steve glanced at where you sat beside him, you said, “You remember what he said this morning, right? Said he didn’t care who I was or what my powers were, then called me a mood ring, and pretty much told me to go fuck myself after that. Guy definitely already wants me gone, Steve.”

“That’s kind of just how Bucky is with new people?” Sam tossed out.

“Correction,” Tony quipped, taking a swig from the glass of scotch he’d acquired while pouring your water. “That’s how he is with everybody.”

“No, I’m pretty sure he just… doesn’t like you,” Wanda chuckled.  Maybe it was because Wanda was the closest to you in age, but you liked her. She seemed like someone you’d be able to hang out with, maybe watch stupid movies and stay up entirely too late with.

Tony waved his hand, flippantly dismissing the words. “Semantics, Maximoff. What I wanna know is what this kick ass power is. What do you have, y/n? Mind reading? Super guilt tripping? Or, wait, you said Barnes called you a mood ring? Holy shit, do you change color?”

You laughed, shaking your head in pure amusement. You got the feeling you would at least be able to enjoy your time in Avengers Tower, no matter how long or short a period that was fated to be. “No, I don’t, but I…” You were suddenly very conscious of the many eyes focused on you, and you involuntarily blushed. God, why were you embarrassed? You’d never spoken about your power out loud or so casually before, sure, but this was ridiculous. “I can read emotions, and I can also influence them. It works better if I’m able to touch the person who I’m working with, but it’s not actually necessary. Like, uh…” You allowed yourself to tune into the emotional climate of the room a bit more thoroughly, latching on to the first set that caught your attention.

Tony.

“What’s the project you’re working on right now, Tony?” you asked him, tilting your head to the side. “You’ve got a lot of excitement going on in your head, and it feels like it’s linked to creativity. You feel annoyed about it too, though, so I’m assuming it failed a test of some kind? But, then, it’s like… oh, okay I see. Your prototype failed, so you built a new one. That one failed too, but you’re pretty sure you have a workaround. Is that why you were all annoyed and uppity when you walked in here? Steve called the meeting and it interrupted you fixing the prototype of whatever you’re working on?”

Tony’s jaw dropped, genuinely caught off guard and impressed. “Did you just read my mind? You’re sure you aren’t actually a mind reader? Rogers, am I being punk’d?”

You’d spent the rest of the afternoon entertaining everyone, reading their emotions separately and announcing to the group what was on each individual’s mind. They all seemed to be getting a kick out of it, and for that you were grateful. Part of the reason you’d never been willing to share your power with anyone was because you’d been deathly afraid of judgement, of being called a freak of nature. That was less likely while working in a place like SHIELD, of course, but you found it difficult to let go of your worries.

If anything, you were just happy to know that you had friends in Avengers Tower, even if the one person who was your entire reason for being there seemed to want absolutely nothing to do with you.

Whatever. You would deal with it later.

—

It was about your third night in the tower that you’d begun taking part in some pretty risky business, and you were sure that your well being now depended on your ability to keep said risky business a secret.

Because if Bucky found out what you were getting up to, if he even suspected you in the slightest, you were pretty sure he would do a lot worse than throw you out of the 93rd story window.

It had started that morning, when you’d walked over to Bucky’s door and rapped a decisive knock againt the wood. You knew he was awake, because you had heard him come and go from his room several times while taking your morning shower, and you knew he was in his room now because you could sense his familiar emotions, only becoming more and more potent as he neared the door to open it. Annoyance, irritation, and the tiniest drop of fear which had been present the very first time you had met him. That was, perhaps, the part about Bucky which perplexed you the most. The man could probably bench twice your bodyweight without a second thought; what reason did her have to be frightened of you?

The door was wrenched open before you could ponder about it much further, revealing Bucky’s scowling face. He was clad in sweats and a plain black tee, but the simplicity of the clothing did nothing to disservice his physical attributes, but that wasn’t really surprising. Everyone in the tower seemed to be unfairly blessed in the looks department, though Bucky was especially. Everything about him was sharp angles and muscle, topped off with a voice that would probably make you weak in the knees if it weren’t constantly being used to insult your character.

“What are you staring at?” Bucky demanded, voice breaking you from your reverie. The metal of his left arm gleamed in the light of the hallway, whirring quietly as he shifted to lean his weight against it, and you blinked several times. You couldn’t even defend yourself against him because you had, in fact, been staring.

“Um, s-sorry,” you stuttered. Oh, damn it all. You’d been so confident when you’d strode over to his door, so sure of what you wanted to say. Why were your words failing you now? “Good morning, by the way.”

“Not anymore,” he muttered under his breath.

You let it go, not really having the wherewithal to be witty at the moment. “Listen, I was wondering if maybe we could try, like, an emotion reading today? It won’t take long, and I’m gonna have to start sending Fury updates any day now, so I just figured—”

“No,” Bucky told you plainly.

Not one to give up easily, you tried again. “Look, I know it’s sort of an uncomfortable situation for you, and believe me, I get it, but I really need to—”

He cut you off, and you wondered if Bucky ever let anyone finish a sentence before going completely postal on them, or if this behavior was specifically for you. “You don’t understand shit,” he barked at you, looking for all the world like there was no one he hated more. “You think just because you can tell if someone’s happy or sad that you somehow understand what I’ve been through? Uh uh. No dice, sweetheart. I already told you we weren’t playing this fucking game. Stay in this tower for as long as you like, but you’re wasting your time if you’re hoping to get anything out of me.”

Overwhelmed and unsure of what to do, you dropped your eyes to the floor and tried to ignore the embarrassment in your chest. That was something Bucky was good at, it seemed. Making you feel embarrassed. “I’m just… trying to help you,” you offered lamely. “I’m only here to help you.”

“And I didn’t ask for it,” Bucky shot back. “I don’t want it. So why don’t you do the both of us a favor and stop trying to make yourself useful, okay? Because it’s not working.”

The hostility rolling off of Bucky was so thick and potent that you could’ve choked on it. He meant what he was saying about not wanting help; he was being sincere. This assignment really was just the most impossible one, wasn’t it?

You shook your head, unsure of what to say. You glanced up at Bucky, decided that was a mistake, then began to turn your back to him, content to walk back to your room. “Guess I’ll just go fuck myself then,” you muttered sarcastically, still in shock at the sheer hostility rolling off the man behind you.

“Yeah, why don’t you?” he egged you on. “Least that way one of us gets to be a little less than miserable.” The slamming of his bedroom door let you know that he’d removed himself from the situation.

For Christ’s sake. How were you meant to help someone who clearly didn’t want your help and couldn’t manage to be civil to you for more than five seconds?

“Give it time,” Wanda had advised you later on in the day as the two of you ate lunch together. “Bucky will come around to you eventually. He wasn’t thrilled about me rooting around in his head at first either, for the few weeks that we tried to go that route.”

“Yeah, but you’re his friend,” you’d told her, shrugging a shoulder. “Even if he wasn’t happy about it, he didn’t hate your guts.”

“He doesn’t hate you, y/n,” she repeated. It was sweet of her to say, but she couldn’t feel what you did. She might have a guess at Bucky’s emotions, but you had a concrete handle on them, and they weren’t pleasant.

You’d gone about the rest of your day normally. Or, as normally as you could, having to adjust to living in the tower with a number of new roommates. They were all lovely people, save for one very stubborn super soldier with a disregard for your feelings, but you were beginning to feel disenchanted. Was the field agent position really worth all of this? Fury had basically said you would be staying in this tower as long as it took to correct Bucky’s emotional issues, and it was a testament to how awful you were doing that you weren’t even sure what exactly those issues were. Bucky had declared more than once that you really shouldn’t bother to hold your breath, because he wasn’t going to entertain you.

Caught between a rock and a hard place, it seemed.

You had retired to your room early that night, not very inclined to people please for the time being. Distantly you felt everyone’s individual emotions from the few floors separating you, but eventually you tuned them all out, ignoring reality in favor of reading a few chapters in the book you’d picked up last week. Only, a few chapters had quickly become many, minutes had turned to hours, and suddenly you had read the ending sentence of the last page and all you could see when you looked out the window of your bedroom was the inky blackness of the night sky.

“Hey Jarvis?” you called out, yawning and stretching your arms toward the ceiling. “What time is it?” Had to be late; you could feel the sleep dust forming in your eyes.

“Half past one, ma’am,” Jarvis answered immediately.

“Thanks,” you murmured. Okay, so a little later for you than usual, but it wasn’t like you had any plans tomorrow morning. You stood, stripping off the clothing you’d been wearing and switching them out for pajamas. You’d been just about ready to ask Jarvis to switch the lights off as you crawled into bed when something gave you pause.

Reading your book had been a good way to tune out everyone else in the tower and their emotions, but now that you were no longer distracted you were feeling… agony. Terror. Desperation. And just as you were about to write it off as you simply being tired, as your mind and ability playing tricks on you, you heard it. Plain as day, you heard it.

Someone was screaming.

Without thinking practically or having the sense to grab a weapon in the event that you would need to defend yourself, you raced to your bedroom door and threw it open, the strength of the complete and utter pain growing tenfold as you did so. Listening intently, you concentrated, trying to pinpoint the location of the screams and bristling as your body and mind recognized the direction in which both the noise and the pain extended from.

Bucky’s room. It was all coming from Bucky’s room.

You ran to his door, unsure of what exactly you should expect but completely unwilling to let Bucky fend off whatever was causing him this amount of harm by himself. The quality of emotions, the taste and tang staining your tongue, the essence of what Bucky was projecting? It felt like he was being murdered. It felt like he was dying. Bucky might not have been the nicest to you and you might have had only the most basic form of self defense training, but you’d be damned if you condemned him to suffer through whatever was trying to kill him alone. You could at least assess the situation and have Jarvis call for backup. Ruching to throw the door open without having time to work up the courage to do it, you burst into Bucky’s room with shaking hands and a heart full of anxiety, unsure of what to expect. Only… what you could see made no sense whatsoever.

Bucky was still screaming, still in enough agony to prompt your emotion sensors to believe that he was on the verge of death, but he wasn’t being attacked or physically harmed at all. He was laying in his bed shirtless, entangled in the comforter and thrashing wildly, the dim illumination from the window casting just enough light into the room to allow you to see the pure fright and pain contorting his face. Bucky wasn’t being attacked. Bucky wasn’t dying.

Bucky was dreaming.

Unsure of what to do and unable to help yourself, you walked forward until you stood just a step from the edge of his bed, the volume of his screams growing louder and the intensity of his pain becoming almost unbearable. He was moving, struggling, fighting whatever it was that terrified him so. This wasn’t… no, this wasn’t okay. In all your time as an emotional telepath, you hadn’t ever felt anything this specific or concentrated. It was like each of your nerves was being individually electrocuted at the highest wattage possible, your mouth running dry and your hands beginning to shake. Nobody should have had the capacity to feel this much grief and hurt. It was debilitating; it was life ending.

You weren’t able to stop yourself as you reached forward, pressing a palm to Bucky’s chest as gently as you could. His muscles had tensed at the contact, but you’d subconsciously been prepared for it. You weren’t sure what it was you were doing, but you were sure that he couldn’t be left to feel that way anymore. Not if he wanted to survive. The anger had to be pushed out, the hurt and the shock and the discomforting presence of cold, all of it needed to go. Bucky needed happiness, not pain. He needed compassion, not torture. He needed warmth, not iciness. He needed love, not terror.

And so, you gave him what he needed and took what he didn’t.

It took a few moments, but it had worked nonetheless. His thrashing had been first to cease, and his screaming followed quickly after. That heartbreakingly expressive face had smoothed into content, and the blue tone which had been corrupting all of Bucky’s unconscious emotions had faded out, a bright pinkish red now coloring them. He was still and calm now, and you weren’t sure where he was in his dream now, but you hoped with all your might that it was somewhere sunshine filled and comforting.

Cautiously removing your hand from Bucky and waiting a moment to make sure he wouldn’t need you to influence him again, you marveled at what you had just done. You didn’t believe in making people feel what you wanted them to against their will, not unless it was an emergency of some kind. You figured it had to be some form of immoral. But, what Bucky had just been feeling, the very miniscule amount of what you’d picked up from it? That seemed like a pretty intense emergency.

Fuck, did he always feel those things while he was sleeping?

Once it became clear that Bucky’s dreams would hold nothing but serenity for the rest of the night, you slowly turned, exited his room, and returned to yours, unable to shake the magnitude of what you had just been made to feel. You crawled into bed, asked Jarvis to turn the lights off for you, and laid there, hugging yourself as you continued to play over what you had just felt and done.

“Jarvis?” you whispered after a few moments of laying in the dark.

“Yes, Miss?”

You were beginning to hiccup, and you wondered if Jarvis understood what crying was and what it meant. “Will you… will you let me know if Bucky starts having a  nightmare again, please?”

“Yes, Miss,” came his simple reply.

“Will you let me know every night, if he has a nightmare?” you clarified, eyes burning with the tears brimming in them. “You, um, you can’t let him know.”

A pause.

Then, “Yes, Miss.”

“Thanks,” you choked out.

You didn’t remember falling asleep, but you were sure you’d done it sobbing.

—

Part 3

Tag List: @ayyomizzy @frost-11 @abswritesmarvel @wantingtobekorra @lordemjay @elleatrixlestrange @ly--canthrope @little-bit-of-your-heart

[redheadedfemme]

A Terrible Waste of Paper

Once upon a time, Laurell K. Hamilton was on my must-buy list. The first book in the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series, Guilty Pleasures, came out in 1993. She was one of the first urban fantasy writers I remember seeing, several years before the genre really took off. I bought every Anita Blake book up to what I consider the last good (or at least readable) book in the series, Obsidian Butterfly, and a couple of books beyond. Unfortunately, by then the drop in quality was so obvious that I couldn't continue. It was sad to see a series I had enjoyed descend so quickly into badly-written vampire porn. I also tried the first four books of the Merry Gentry series but soured on them as well. Until I saw the hardback of this book in my library, I hadn't read anything by this author in more than ten years. I'm not sure why I picked this book up. Maybe it was nostalgia, because I really liked Hamilton's writing at one time. Maybe it was because it was in the library, and I could take a chance on it without losing any money. Possibly because it was a new series and a new protagonist, and I was hoping against hope that her writing had improved. Whatever the motivation, I gave it a try. Reader, I regret it. This is one of the worst books I have ever read by this author, and after Cerulean Sins and Incubus Dreams, that's saying quite a lot. This is a supernatural police procedural, set in a world of angels, demons, witches and other supernatural creatures, where magic is real and God exists. ("God" being the Christian god--tellingly, we never hear anything about Allah, Zeus, Loki or Anansi.) Our protagonist Zaniel Havelock is a cop and a trained Angel Speaker--he can see angels and demons, and communicate with all the different kinds of angels, from guardian angels to seraphim. Zaniel spends twelve years training at the College of Angels, from seven to nineteen, only leaving after a crisis of faith (and falling in love with a seraph). Zaniel spent some time in the army, where he got his nickname of Havoc (which I guess the author thought was cute, but which wears thin quickly, especially since everybody in the book repeats it fifty billion times), and after his discharge went into police work. He marries a woman named Regina, or Reggie, and they have a son, Connery. The marriage has hit a rough patch because Reggie has difficulty accepting Zaniel's job, and at the beginning of the book they are separated. In the opening chapter, Zaniel becomes involved in an angelic murder mystery, and spends the book (at least the part that doesn't deal with his emotional/marital issues and endless pages of pointless conversations) hunting down a murderous demon. I don't even know where to start with the problems in this book, so I will relate the things that irritated me the most. This story is badly plotted, and the pacing is atrocious. The first encounter with said murderous demon, in a hospital, is broken into chapter breaks that should have been individual scenes, some only a page or two long. Really? C'mon, let's just insert an asterisk here if you absolutely must have a break, and get on with the story. These mini-chapters don't portray the urgency of what's happening at all, mainly because there's so damn much extraneous, useless dialogue. (Which isn't the only problem with the dialogue, but I'll get to that.) After this initial fight is finally wrapped up, the middle section leaves the case behind almost entirely to focus on Zaniel's marital problems, with more bloated chapters of couples therapy and an endless conversation in the parking lot after. After all of Zaniel's worrying about his son, we never even get to meet the kid, which makes Connery come across as an opaque placeholder only there to insist that Our Hero Is a Good Father. Zaniel says he is, but you don't believe it, because it's never shown to be true. The second and greater problem with the dialogue: most of it is cringingly awful. Hamilton has the maddening habit of having her characters say each other's names over and over throughout every single conversation,

even one-on-one, when you would think said characters would have a clue who they're actually talking to. Just flipping to a random page and a few lines: He shook his head. "Someone should have been powerful enough to figure this out earlier, Z." "I don't know why they couldn't help you more, Jamie." He screamed. "That is not my name!" His hands were in fists at his sides. He was so angry he was shaking. "Levi," I said, my voice as calm as I could make it. "Levi, I don't know why the College failed you." "I'm sorry, Z. I shouldn't have yelled at you." His voice was calmer, but he was still shaking. "It's okay, Levi." Oh, for frak's sake. REAL PEOPLE DO NOT TALK LIKE THIS. I don't repeat the names of persons I'm talking to in a group situation, much less one on one. Zaniel's and Jamie's scenes are the worst offenders, as the pages and pages of bad dialogue and endless Z/Levi/Levanael/Jamie go on till I wanted to scream. I started wondering, has Hamilton always had this horrible tic, and I just didn't notice it? I thought about flipping through my Anita Blake paperbacks to find out, but stopped myself. I have a sneaking suspicion the Suck Fairy may have paid them an extended visit, and I don't want to spoil what pleasant memories I have left. After the bloated center of the book (which I can't believe the editor didn't insist on chopping out), the action finally picks up again as Zaniel hunts the murderous demon down. (This is supposed to be a murder mystery, but due to the bad plotting, there is precious little "mystery" to it. We know who--if not quite what--the murderer is. There aren't any clues or red herrings, and no real sleuthing to be found.) After more extended, useless, distracting conversations with random women, Zaniel and the demon have it out. At the book's climax there is a reveal that Hamilton basically ignores, but which seems to me (again with the bad plotting) should be vastly more important to the story: this demon is half human, unable to be manipulated by the thoughts of humans around it, and can torture its former human body's Guardian Angel. These little anomalies are played up throughout the story, proclaimed to be "impossible" more than once, and entirely dropped at the book's end. Really? The author didn't think her Angel Speaker detective should spend a little more time on that? This book saddens me, because by the time I got to the end, I had the firm impression that someone--the publisher, the editor, or the author herself--thinks that Hamilton is Too Big To Edit, much to the book's detriment. If there ever was a book that needed a red pen--nay, a red axe--taken to it, it is this one. The only reason I finished it is because much to my relief, the bad and long-drawn-out sex scenes that ruined the Anita Blake series are absent. I shall now return it to the library, and at least as far as this author is concerned, I shall never fall prey to nostalgia again.

[sologxlaxies]

Not About Angels | Part 2

Coping Mechanisms

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Summary: Loving him feels like the most exquisite way of self-destruction. Too close, and you’re radioactive. Too far, and your heart shatters, and the city cracks in two while debris scatters in the space between your ribs. Pining over a brooding, unstable Bucky Barnes isn’t exactly your brightest idea, especially when you’re just as damaged as he is, and he doesn’t seem to love you half as much as you love him. Based off the song Angels by The XX.

Warnings: drinking, alcoholism, a lot of cursing.

Word count: 2369

This is part of my submission for @whothehellisbella ‘s Cool Times Summer Jamz Mix Writing Challenge

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                                    Light reflects from your shadow                                  It is more than I thought could exist                                        You move through the room                                           Like breathing was easy

Sixteen.

It is the exact number of days that Bucky has spent in the compound, and it’s also a rough estimate of the female population in this place that he’s managed to pick up. Daily.

The worst part is that you’d probably be scoffing at the women, most of them practically drooling over the prospect of seeing Sergeant Barnes, much less talking to him, if you weren’t the slightest bit jealous of them. Massively jealous, if you’re actually being honest with yourself.

Truth is, James Buchanan Barnes is a handsome son of a bitch—a very charming, good-looking, not to mention alluring man—but a jerk nonetheless. The problem is that he’s only a jerk around you, and while you’re used to people behaving like utter jackasses in your presence, it’s particularly hard when he has no problem in flashing a smile here and winking at another girl there, as long as they’re not you.

Somehow, he’s wary of you since day one, treading carefully around you just like every other member of the team does. The difference between him and the others, is that while they have plenty reasons to distrust you and be cautious of you, he doesn’t have one. And yet he treats you just the same, if not a little better, but it’s all forgotten the second he starts stealing your food and drinking your carefully stashed wine coolers that you’ve scattered all over the compound.

As infuriating as he might be, you can’t deny there’s something else about him that calls to you, an intangible something that draws you to him. After day number nineteen you think you’ve figured it out: it’s they way he walks.

He has a particular way to carry himself around the room. It’s as if his coping mechanism lies in the set of his shoulders along with the small smirk and the way he casually swings his arms, they all scream confidence with every step. It’s all fake it ‘till you make it because this Bucky doesn’t seem like same person Steve told you about, the scared, broken shell of a man that HYDRA had left behind after almost seventy years of torture and brainwashing, but you know he’s still there. No amount of therapy or brain programming they’ve been trying to fix in Wakanda can get rid of that.                                                              

The façade he’s built around himself is almost perfect—you have to give him that—but you can see through the cracks, no matter how small they are. Like the way he flinches slightly every time Tony blows something up, or how he’ll always try to keep his back against a wall, but mostly it’s just the dark circles under his eyes.

Maybe that’s what bothers you the most; the fact that he keeps pretending that there’s nothing wrong, and maybe, if you’re willing to admit another ugly truth, you’re jealous of him too, because you can’t get rid of your ghosts as easily, much less pretend that everything is okay when it’s obviously not. The bottles stashed in your room and the half empty flask of strong vodka currently snug under the waistband of your pants can attest to that. And the permanent presence of Bucky in the room, along with his cocky attitude and the fact that he’s only been here two weeks but everybody trusts him more than you, makes it really difficult for you to keep the promise you’ve made to Steve and stay sober—not that you haven’t snuck up a few drinks here and there.

By the time Friday morning rolls in, you’re practically rushing to the main hall of the compound, sighing in relief when you spot Agent Hill already sitting in the reception, and you have to restrain yourself from running towards her like a madwoman, suddenly very glad for your mandatory meetings with her.

“Hill, thank God!”

“Whoa!” she instinctively takes a step back when you try and hug her, and you pull back as well, crossing your arms protectively over your chest and trying to hide a frown.

You forgot. It’s a stupid, one-second lapse of judgment, but it happens, and when reality comes crashing back you can’t help but feel terrible all over again, muttering apologies under your breath. Your good mood is instantly sour, and you suddenly remember why you hate these meetings with her in the first place.

“Y/N…” Hill notices--of course she does, with her being your friend and all--and you hate that you only get to see her once a month after the accident, and even then you can’t even hug her. It breaks your heart. “You know the drill, and-“

“Prolonged physical contact with me is potentially dangerous for people” you huff bitterly; reciting the words you’ve been hearing over and over again. “Trust me Maria, I know. It’s a damn shame that this particular HYDRA gift didn’t come with a return policy.”

“We’re still trying to find a solution.” She says, almost apologetically. “Is Stark’s bracelet still working?”

“This thing?” you raise your right hand where the restraint bracelet is fused shut, a little incrusted vial glinting under the sun. “Yeah… it has about two days worth of dosage before Tony has to refill it.”

“Good. That’s very good Y/N.”

A few seconds pass while she taps into a little tablet, and you can’t help but feel a little hurt. It’s been two weeks since you last saw Maria, and even though you used to be friends, things have changed after the accident. She’s become colder, more distant, and it hurts more than you’re willing to admit.

“Is… is that all you came here for?” you ask her. At least it makes her look up from her notes, and her expression softens the slightest bit before she tentatively places a hand on your forearm, mindful of your long sleeves.

“Oh, no Y/N” her hand is gone in a flash, and she focuses on putting back her tablet instead “I wanted to check how things are with Barnes.”

“Him?” you’re taken off guard by the question “He’s fine, I guess. We don’t really talk much-”

You’re interrupted by the sound of Maria’s phone, and she rushes to answer it, speaking in short sentences to whoever is on the other side of the line.

“I’m so sorry,” she says after she hangs up “Something’s come up and-“

“You have to leave.” The disappointment in your voice is evident this time, but you know it won’t change anything.

“I’m really sorry about this. See you in two weeks!” And then Maria is rushing down the hall and out the door, her frame disappearing as she climbs into a car and speeds off. Just like that, you’re all alone again, left with the bitter feeling that comes after your meetings with her, but you try to ignore it as you go through the secure doors that lead back to the living quarters.

The kitchen is empty—thank your lucky stars for that—so you head straight towards Tony’s minibar, opening the little door and taking your time to pick a perfect bottle of gin that you intend to have for breakfast.

Plopping on one of the bar stools, you uncap the bottle and pour out the contents in a glass, taking a tentative sip first that soon turns into large gulps. The liquor tastes bitter and tangy on your mouth, and before you know it you’re pouring yourself another glass, feeling the all too familiar heat spread in your belly and the tingling sensation in the tip of your nose. You revel in the feeling, little giggles escaping your mouth with every other sip until the room is spinning and you have to lean on the table just a little so that you don’t fall.

That is how Nat finds you. Tipsy and tired; with your upper body sprawled over the countertop and a half empty bottle at your side. It’s become almost a tradition. Every two weeks you go and meet with Maria on a Friday morning, only to return—probably sad or angry, or both—and drink at least half a bottle for breakfast.

“Oh honey…” she mutters under her breath.

She’s at your side in a second, prying the glass from your nimble fingers and putting the bottle back in the minibar before returning to you. Carefully, she puts an arm behind your back and pulls yours over her shoulders, half carrying-half dragging you to the couch and setting you down on it.

“Nat… Nattie” you mumble, the words slurred in your tongue.

“I’m guessing your meeting didn’t go well.” She says.

“Maria wouldn’t even hug me, can you believe it?” You giggle before answering, the corners of your lips pulling up into a lopsided smile. “It went awful.”

No words are exchanged between the two of you after that, but there’s no need to. Nat and you prefer the silence, it’s something you’ve both grown to appreciate. She remains quiet when she makes you some food, quiet when she brings it to you, along with a big glass of water, and quieter still when she drapes a blanket over your shoulders, silently sitting at your side on the couch and turning on the TV to watch a movie. Even Vision doesn’t make a sound when he joins you after a few hours. He simply appears in the room with three bowls full of popcorn and sits beside Nat, passing the bowls around.

That was quite a few hours ago.

Now, the blankets are warm and fluffy and you’ve had so much to drink that your limbs feel heavy and your eyelids droopy, so you inevitably fall asleep, your teammates too focused on the show to notice until Nat makes fun of Vision because of the faces he is making and he turns around to ask you something, all bright eyes and “Hey, who was the guy-”

Vision’s words die in his mouth when he sees you’re asleep. Legs tangled up in the blankets and an empty bowl lying on the carpet. He makes a move to wake you up but a hand shoots out to his chest, halting his movements.

“Let her sleep,” says Nat, turning off the TV and picking herself off the couch at a blinding speed.  “I’ll come check on her in the morning.” It’s just past midnight and the only light comes from the huge fireplace located in the center of the room, but all the others are either on a mission or already sleeping, so both Natasha and vision go to their rooms at the other end of the facility and leave you soundly asleep on one of the couches.

Hours later, you are woken up by the sound of screams. You’re still groggy and no fully awake, trying to open your eyes in spite of the headache you feel coming on, but the screams continue to get longer and your brain is set in alarm.

Reaching for a knife you always keep under your pillow, you stretch your hand, only to find the soft surface of the leather couch and fuck, your mind can’t think because it’s the first time you are caught unprotected and drunk, and it’s the worse mistake you can make.

You sit up in a flash only to take in your surroundings, fearing some kind of attack, but all the windows are sealed tightly and the fireplace is still burning; not a single person in the room besides you.

As the screams become louder, you rush to the kitchen and grab Natasha’s gun, conveniently strapped under the counter, and head towards the noise. The sound of your feet rings like cannons in your ears and you can’t help but curse yourself for forgetting your training, rushing like a bull to try and knock down the door—to no avail because the surface is too hard and you’re not exactly in prime condition to be bumping into hard wood with your shoulder—but then it’s too late and the screams stop and there is nothing else to cover the noise of your footsteps. You see a small beam of light that’s just been turned on but before you can turn around the door is being wide opened and it’s none other than Bucky Barnes leaning against the doorframe with his hair mussed from sleep and a murderous expression on his face.

You are frozen to the spot with the gun hanging limply from your right hand (and damn, you hate feeling like an amateur right now) because, let’s face it, it is Bucky fucking Barnes, former Winter Soldier and HYDRA assassin—who hasn’t thrown even the hint of a smile of you in more than two weeks since he came back, so it’s safe to assume he doesn’t like you a lot—and you’re apparently standing right outside his room.

It was he screaming, you realize, your breath hitching at the powerful glare he sends your way.

“What the hell are you doing in my room.” It’s not a question as much as a complaint, meant to sound intimidating in the way that he almost growls when he says it, but even with his sweaty forehead and tousled hair, he’s never looked more raw to you than in that moment; unguarded and angry, even if that anger is directed at you.

“You were screaming.” You state.

“And you’re drunk.”

“Technically, I’m just hungover but- Hey!” You wedge a foot in between the wall and his bedroom door when he trues to close it, suddenly feeling very pissed off at the supersoldier. Just enough to make you push the door back open and stand in front of Bucky with your arms crossed over your chest and a frown on your face. “That’s it Barnes, you’re dropping the act right fucking now and stop being such an arrogant, disrespectful-“

“Disrespectful?” he scoffs “at least I didn’t try to break down your door in the middle of the night.”

“You were screaming your throat raw. At two in the morning-“

“And you’re drunk and delusional.” He interrupts. “If we tell the team about this, who do you think they’ll believe, huh?”

His words are enough to make you shrink and almost take a step back. That’s how much they hurt, but then it’s followed by anger and you’re not really sure if it’s you or the alcohol talking, but one moment you’re at the door and the next one you’re surging forward, poking a finger into his chest and glaring at him with enough force to make him recoil.

“Now listen to me Barnes, and listen to me well: you wanna scream? Fine. You want to punch a hole through the wall and tear your room apart? Go ahead. Just don’t pretend like everything is perfect, because you know it’s not. You went through hell and we know that, but you weren’t the only one there, and yet you bottle everything up and pretend you’re alright, when any moment now, you’re going to explode! And it’s not going to be on you, but on them, and they’re the ones who will have to take care of the aftermath, so do this team a favor and don’t make the same mistake that I did. Tell them the truth. Stop pretending.”

It all comes down to this moment. Almost three weeks of pent up anger and months of distrust and years of pain, they all lead to this moment when you confront Bucky in his room and accidentally bare your soul in the process. It’s ugly and chaotic and you don’t even realize you’re eyes are watering until you feel a stray tear rolling down your cheek, but before you can react—or do anything, really—he has taken a stance murderous enough to make you step back and all you see is the door being shut on your face.

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[supercostablue-blog]

photography costablue(c)2016

Clutching his black worn out satchel, Mark trudged on. He stopped for a moment and looked up towards the monastery. He had about two more kilometres to go. He had been hiking up the trail to Stavrovouni Monastery. Trevor his old teacher was now a resident tutor at the monastery. He had been to his former college to locate Trevor but was told he left six months ago. Hours and days of searching for information finally revealed that Trevor was now serving at Stavrovouni.

Mark was on leave. He had been serving in Iraq for six months. He had seen his friends and mates murdered right before his eyes. He had seen his mates blown to pieces right under his nose.  He had seen the Iraqis kill themselves. He had seen his mates lose limbs and become incapacitated. He had seen families lose hope because of the demise of a loved one. The most recent one being the demise of Katenda. He stood at the cemetery glued to the ground, oblivious of what was happening around him. All the while his eyes were fixed on Katenda’s young wife, Kilinel and baby son, Katenda Jnr. When the wife put to birth, Katenda was away on duty in Iraq. He had talked so much about his impending trip back home so that he could see his son and wife Kilinel again. He dreamed about his son and wife every night. Katenda and Mark would often stay up till late talking about how they would spend their time when they got back to England. This was the only therapy they could make do with after all the blood shed they had witnessed.

Katenda wrote letters to his unborn son. Daily he logged his experiences so that his son would read about a world that had lost conscience. As infantry men, and soldiers they followed orders. They do not question orders, however their postings had made them to realise how a people who were stable have been rendered worthless and useless as a result of their intervention. “I have witnessed the dearth of cultures and the wiping out of a generation. The question I have often asked myself is let’s flip the coin around. If this were to happen in England, how would we react, what devastation would occur, how would we handle the takeover of our country by people from outside who have no clue or who think they have an idea about our way of life” Mark would ask himself.

Then two days before Katenda’s departure, an ambush was laid for Katenda’s team. They were on patrol. And the explosions and explosives. Oh damn! Katenda did not make it. Shattered dreams. Broken images. Broken families. Widowed wife. Fatherless son. Then eulogies and all kinds of encomiums. Like T.S. Eliot would say ‘wasteland’.

Questions bothered Mark. Nights turned to torment. Daytime was a waiting horror. Mark lost appetite for food. He dreamt of Katenda and himself daily. He kept seeing Katenda with his brave heart saying to him that he has made it to the other side. “He talks to me and when I ask him questions, he does not answer. When I stretch out my hand to touch him, I touch space” Mark soliloquized to himself.

He wondered how his wife would receive the news. He wondered how his son would grow up to be taken to his father’s grave and lied to, that he died a brave man defending the integrity of mankind. Katenda always had a photo of his wife in his wallet, a photo of his son and his little pocket book that he wrote letters to his son. These were all blown to pieces. Mark used to read and listen to these letters and they were weighty letters. Mark promised himself that he will re-write these letters and present them as a souvenir to Katenda Jnr.

What about his young family? What crime did that boy commit, to be born into such a cruel world? Can’t see his daddy except images and videos and letters.

After the funeral and the rite of passage, Mark decided he was going to look for his old teacher Monsieur Trevor. Mr. Trevor was not just a teacher, to them, he had been like a father.

Mr. Trevor never missed any teaching moment. What made him stand out amongst other teachers was his ability to connect whatever he was teaching his students with life’s skills. Now that character building was in short supply; now that everybody had rights including animals, human beings were losing out on the right to know left from right, right from wrong because everything considered wrong before was becoming acceptable now.

Mark had some questions bothering him.  He needed answers. He spoke to the chaplain Major(Rev) Smith and he did not get the answers. The only person who kept coming to his mind was Mr. Trevor. So after Katenda’s funeral at Croydon, he set out to Ingram High school to locate Mr. Trevor. After series of searches and leads, he was able to locate his last known destination, the Stavrovouni Monastery at the hills in Cyprus. He boarded a flight to Lanarca and travelled down to Paphos. When old Andrew dropped him off at the base of the mountain, he decided he would trek up to the monastery.

He was drained. He needed that trek. For the past few months, life has been such a haze to him. He knew that he was losing the plot and needed help so badly. Chaplain couldn’t help him; doctors couldn’t help him. Family and relatives couldn’t help him. He knew that perhaps Trevor could help him.

His mind kept going back to an incident that occurred when he was in year eleven. Tinashe was a young boy who had just arrived Ingram and he was on the medical register for epilepsy. It was spring and quite nippy for spring when in the class, Tinashe had a fit. He stiffened and foam was coming out of his mouth. Everybody ran away. People were scared and Mr. Trevor walked calmly to Tinashe. He held him with so much kindness and laid his hands upon Tinashe and prayed for Tinashe. Tinashe came back to himself and was well instantly. Mark had never seen anything like that in his life. Majority of the kids had never seen anything like that. They didn’t go to church. Most of them did not believe there was a God. They just lived life as it came. It was so surreal to see at one instance a boy under a fit return to normalcy. They were expecting to see a paramedic staff come by and then here steps Mr. Trevor out to demonstrate another aspect of himself. From that day the students all started listening to Mr. Trevor and taking him seriously. He became the students’ unofficial counsellor, adviser, resident priest and father. Mr. Trevor told the students tales about life that sometimes cracked the students up but the most important lessons the students learnt from him, were the golden nuggets of life.

Mark brought out his water bottle and took a sip. He wiped the perspiration from his face and trudged on.

Another incident came to his mind as he plowed on the Stavrovoun mountain. It was the incident between Ingram and St. Mary’s students. It was after school and Saint Mary’s boys had invaded the entire perimeter of Ingram. Ingram boys were scared to death, they wouldn’t venture out. Where were all the tough Ingram kids. They had ran to the toilet to lock themselves up. Saint Mary’s boys meant business. The headteacher Mr. Stewart called the police but before the police arrived, Mr. Trevor came out and walked to these boys and squared them up and they dissolved like butter and the Ingram boys went home. By the time, the police arrived, everything was under control. And from that time, everybody in the school had massive respect and fear for Mr. Trevor. What did he do to those boys? What did he say to them that dissolved them like butter?

One hour later Mark stood facing the huge gates of The Stavrovouni. His clothes drenched in perspiration.

I will do anything to sit under your feet again – Part 1 Clutching his black worn out satchel, Mark trudged on. He stopped for a moment and looked up towards the monastery.

[theauthorfiles-blog]

Meet Marika Ray!

TAF: Pull up a chair. Let’s break the ice shall we? Knowing that you have a love of the beach, let’s pretend that you are in a Jaws or Shallows type situation. You have to choose three people to help you fight off and survive the shark attack. A lifeguard, a paramedic, and a friend. Who would they be and why?

 MR: First of all, I would absolutely want my husband there. He’s so good at spotting things far out in the distance. Like he’s got some crazy bionic eye or something! And he used to be a lifeguard back in high school, so I’d definitely want him in this scenario as a lifeguard. For my friend, I’d want my girl Amanda. She’s pretty level headed and a ride-or-die kind of girl. She even swiped a huge bug out of my eye one time while hiking so I know she’d pull through in case of any shark drama. For the paramedic, I’d choose my grandfather. I know what you’re thinking: how’s a 97-year-old guy gonna help?? Well, you said pretend, so that’s what I’m doing! That man is the most multi-talented guy I know. He was in battle during WWII, he worked construction, he cooks, he reupholsters furniture, he even sewed tiny flowers onto my veil for my wedding. If a shark took a bite out of me, my grandpa is the man to put me back together.

 TAF: Okay now that we know how you intend to survive every beach lover’s nightmare, tell us a little more about you for my readers that haven’t yet had the privileged to curl up with one of your books!

           MR: My first book just came out on February 22, 2018, so I’m sure most of your readers haven’t heard about me yet! So…hi!! I’m a little awkward, but I own it, dammit! I am a Jill-of-all-trades. I’ve worked in physical therapy, special interest lobbying, internet start-ups, finance, owned my own business, and I love to write. Basically, once I get turned onto something, I dive in. Like, waaaay deep. If I have no interest, I can’t be bothered. I love learning new things and am ridiculously positive by nature. I feel calm and centered at the beach and I grew up in southern California, so the Beach Squad series is close to my heart. I’m a coffee addict and I love snuggling with my daughter. And lastly, I have a ton of stories floating around in my head that I can’t wait to get on paper!

 TAF: Have you ever Googled yourself?

           MR: I’ve googled my real name and there are some crazy pictures that show up…one of the reasons why I love writing with a pseudonym. lol

 TAF: Do you have an evil day job or do you write full time?

 MR: I have a part-time day job that I actually love. Not quite as much as writing though. I’m blessed to be doing exactly what I love to do.

 TAF: Do you see yourself in any of your characters?

           MR: Esa, in Sweet Dreams, has a habit of mixing up her phrases. That character trait was             totally written from first-hand experience! I mix my phrases up constantly…it’s bad…

 TAF: Do you listen to music while writing?

           MR: Yes, I usually have some easy listening top 40 type music in the background. Not loud enough that I can make out lyrics though as that derails my brain. I also diffuse oils on my desk. I basically try to create a really cozy experience so I continue to always love writing.

 TAF: What are your favorite hobbies?

           MR: Don’t unfriend me over this, but I love to workout!! I love the mental release of sweating and listening to loud music while I move my body. That doesn’t mean I’m a skinny little thing…’cause I also equally love to eat! lol Other hobbies are surfing (which I learned how to do at the ripe ol’ age of 38), reading (been a fan of books since I read Little House on the Prairie) and trying new recipes.

 TAF: What are your guilty pleasures?

 MR: Definitely chocolate and romance books, the spicier the better! The books, not the chocolate…

 TAF: If you could be one of your characters, who would you chose?

           MR: I definitely would love to be Bailey, Esa’s best friend! She is so sassy and doesn’t put up with shit from             anybody. I was always a bit shy and could have used some backbone in my younger years. It would be fun to live as her for a bit where you just say what you’re thinking, and everybody still loves you.

 TAF: If I were to buy you a book for your birthday or just because I am such total awesomeness, what genre would I need to scour?

           MR: Romance is my first choice, of course! But I also secretly love YA. I love all the angst and firsts and finding your power drama….it’s nice to read about it, knowing I’m well beyond that point in my own life! lol I also enjoy suspense and I have a few ideas of my own for some twisty suspenseful reads in the future.

 TAF: State a random fact about yourself that would surprise your readers.

           MR: I grew up in a religion that’s now been officially labeled a cult. Being graphic with sex scenes in my books has been a liberating experience, as that was totally taboo to talk about growing up.

 TAF: In closing, tell us a bit about your latest release (& share a yummy excerpt for those who aren’t yet familiar with your work)

 MR: My latest and first release is Sweet Dreams, a stand-alone novel in the Beach Squad Series. It’s about a lifeguard and his fearless lady, Esa. Her story shows you what a strong woman she is, yet she still has fears like we all do. In this book, she faces a stalker and she faces herself, seeing if she can open up and let love back into her heart after it’s been broken.

Excerpt

Here’s an excerpt from Chapter 6, before they’ve become an official couple.

 I was just pulling my pjs on when Ivan knocked softly on the door. "Are you decent?" he called before stepping into the room.

"Just barely!" I said while my stomach went mushy. This felt intimate somehow. Wearing our pjs, talking in my bedroom. Like we were playing house together. I was nervous, but in a good way.

"Damn, I missed the show.” He teased me with a half-smile, half-leer. "Turn around so I can change too. Or you can watch, it doesn't bother me."

"Ivan!" I said, flushing red. I turned around and heard clothes rustling as he changed pants. I walked toward my bed and climbed up on the quilt and sat down facing him, sinking a few inches into the pillows.

 The red in my cheeks didn't go anywhere as I got to check him out with pajama pants hung low on his hips. His feet were bare and thank the Lord, he had nice looking boy feet. Feet weren't attractive most of the time and so many guys had nasty feet. Total deal killer. But not Ivan.

My eyes drifted back up, and I saw the sexy, male muscle bumps on either side of his hip bones. I think Abercrombie made them famous a decade or two ago. It's like they were arrows leading to the treasure. I could literally feel my lips burning as I thought about getting my mouth on them. Five years without a hint of a sex drive and I'd gone from zero to sixty in one date. I would have to turn on the ceiling fan to cool it off in here.

And then I took in the abs, and the pecs, and the biceps. All tan, all bumpy with muscle, a few strategically placed veins in all the right places. A faint scattering of dark blond chest hair tapered into a subtle happy trail, disappearing into his pants. Good God. My face burned even brighter and my eyes glazed over. That man was straight up lethal and I wasn't sure I could handle it. I mean, he was a California beach lifeguard. They made a TV show out of hottie lifeguards! He had to stay in shape for his job, he had women drooling over him all day, he took action in dangerous situations. And now he was in my bedroom, half dressed and looking at me with hooded eyes, taking in my pajama-clad self in bed.

He walked toward me and I swear it was more of a prowl than a walk. Not much to do but try to take it all in and burn it to memory. I could have jumped up and moved us to the living room, but the sexy side of me that literally just woke up from its long slumber wouldn't let me. I was frozen in place and I think Ivan knew it.

He reached the side of the bed. He lifted one leg, climbed up, and sat criss-cross-applesauce in front of me, knees touching mine. I could feel his heat and I was drawn to it, just like his familiar scent that surrounded me with him this close. He leaned in and touched his lips to my cheek. "Relax, Esa," he whispered against my cheek.

Author Bio

Marika Ray spends her time behind a computer crafting stories, walking the beaches of Southern California scoping out the lifeguards, and making healthy food for her kids and husband whether they like it or not. Prior to writing novels, Marika held various jobs in the finance industry, with private start-up companies, and then in health & fitness. Cats may have nine lives, but Marika believes everyone should have nine careers to keep things spicy. But definitely no cats, because she’s allergic to them.

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