#get an a- and thats less than a 4.0????
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Can we talk about the fact that they said Amphoreus’ story is going to span across 8 PATCHES???
Like, y’all that is a full year of this plot line. Imagine if right now, in 2.7, we were finally getting the ending of Penacony after a YEAR.
Obviously I’m sure there will probably be a break patch between the “two parts” they mentioned— also some of the patches will definitely be less lore heavy than others to allow us to breathe. BUT THATS STILL ABSOLUTELY INSANE.
Also, thinking about the implications, this means that (if they follow the current trend of x.7 being the final update before the next x.0 patch) we’ll be jumping right into the next planet once Amphoreus is over. I mean, it’s likely they might stretch out the 3.x patches to include a 3.8 and 3.9, but even then that’s a very quick jump into 4.0! Not to mention, this means the Fate collab will also occur while Amphoreus is still on going.
TL;DR
We’re in it for the long run gang 🫡
#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr 3.0#amphoreus#hsr trailblazer#hsr aglaea#flump!#sorry for the ramble I’m just clawing at my enclosure over here in excitement#I hope this doesn’t come across as negative I actually think stretching the story out is good#it means they won’t have to rush to get through the plot in a few patches and instead have time to explore everything#I am a little nervous that the story might be too bloated but we’ll just have to see!
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Hi Anne-marie 🤗, where I am from we have this tradition of putting our shoes out on the evening of the 5th of december, and in the morning of the 6th of december they are filled with little presents by the Nikolaus (like candy and stuff). I wanted to bring this tradition to my tumblr friends 🖤 and so I come to your ask box bringing a 🥾. In there are 4 little presents for you...
1) a pair of cozy socks 🧦
2) your favorite candy 🍪 🍫 🍬 🍭
3) your favorite hot drink ☕️
4) all the love I can fit in a 🥾! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🩶🩷
And there is also a note with a question: If you want to, please share a happy memory you have of 2023?
I hope wherever you celebrate anything this month or not, you have a wonderful last month of the year! 🖤
- 🦋 wearing a santa hat
This is the cutest thing, thank you❤️❤️❤️ reminds me that in less than a month, we’d usually get la befana. My nonna would hastily draw a witch on an envelope and put some dollars in, along with an orange next to it🥰
I have a few happy memories even with the last few weeks being so hard. Getting my degree finally with a GPA of 4.0 while working full time is one, reconnecting with tumblr and making so many friends is too (anyone reading this is considered friends. I dont make that ‘know someone’ thing. We are friends and thats it❤️)
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I was just gonna put this in the tags, but maybe this will help someone else to share my story if anyone else feels less alone. And it got long. I was a valedictorian in highschool. I would not recommend it.
Take it from me-- Do well in school, absolutely. Please try to do well in school. Please. But Do Not let it destroy your mental health the way I let it. I had a very unhealthy relationship with it and tied it to my self worth.
(Story time under read more if it helps anyone)
Oversharing time-- it was my priority in highschool. It was a goal I set for myself to prove I could do it, and if I didn't, I think I saw myself as a failure. This was mostly self imposed, and theres probably a psychological explanation for this I wont get into for the sake of length. But I thought if I could at least do this, I had something on paper that I could point to for myself in a sort of external self validation or worth. "I dont know what metric to gauge myself on, but at least I accomplished this". Call it a method of self soothing, I suppose.
It led to almost daily panic attacks that I could not publically control. The whole nine yards, too. It was exhausting and physically draining. If I were honest with me-- I isolated myself. More human contact, more going out with friends, more of me being the one to make the point of reaching out to other people would have made a world of a healthier difference. My focus might not have been so singular and borderline obsessive because it was the only thing i held onto. It put me in a horrible place mentally, and it has severely affected my adult life. I am still trying to unlearn the "if I mess up learning how to do this on the first try, i am a failure" when its like....just learning how to pipe icing on cupcakes or something. I tied my worth to my ability to learn, and that can become extremely unhealthy in a hurry. Especially when I already had mental health issues that were at odds with learning quickly-- like panic attacks that come on fast and wipe my memory and ability to think clearly. Its like I chose the hardest thing for my brain to do, and that was the metric I weighed my self worth on.
What I told myself at the time was some variation of "if I do this, i'll have the best chance at financial support or a full ride for college." That doing this means I will become self sufficient.
That's not how it works, and thats not how it worked.
I got a $1k grant, which was nice, but nowhere near the full ride or anything close to the "heavens of opportunity rain down upon me" sort of thing I had hoped for in my head.
Valedictorians make for good metrics for the school. Attendance records make for good records for the school. Not in any way saying kids SHOULDN'T try to do well in school (please for the love of god, we need every scrap of education we can get in this country), but please find a healthy medium too.
Doing well enough in school and not letting it destroy your mental health do not have to be mutually exclusive. A 3.5 is probably good enough. That was the cut off for one of my bigger transfer scholarships later down the road, transfering from one college to another. Nowhere did I have to continue maintaining a 4.0.
Besides. I didnt get a 4.0 by retaining functional information. I got it by gaming the system of how testing worked.
The example I use is a very dry history class in college I had. Our final exam was the culmination of all of our final tests. Same questions, same answers. I did not remember the content. I did not learn anything. What I did? I remembered the first three words of the question and the first three words of the answer, and remembered them by association. And then I forgot it all within the hour.
In the meantime, foster your friendships. Good friendships. This can create business connections in the future. Kindness and community will get the majority of people further in life than being any kind of top of your class, I promise you.
But most of all, be kind to yourself and treat yourself gently.
are you or have you ever been a straight-A student?
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the only person i have to talk about this to is my girlfriend, and i just need to get this written out and feel like im talking to people. please not that this is a vent and you are by all means not obligated to read it!!! this is a very triggering matter so read with caution!!!
trigger warnings: massive vent including sui-ideation, attempts, mental breakdown, pessimistic views, self deprecation, lots of cussing, mentions of my chronic illnesses, overall this is not good
i dont even know where to begin with this. ive had a lot of bad days in my life, but today i can say with full confidence was the absolute worst day of my life. i spent an entire day convinced i was dying being sick and this still tops it as the worst.
as ive said before, ive working hard on finishing high school. i did two years in person before i got POTS from long covid in 2022 and was forced to do online due to the school not cooperating. it sucked, im still not over it, but im working. ive gone through so much since then, lots of sickness and mental crisis where i struggled doing my schoolwork. i fell behind and i know i did, i will never forgive myself for that
i was originally supposed to graduate in may. then july. then october 20th. then october 27th. thats this sunday.
after working my ass off through the shit i went through this summer, the extreme trauma i got from losing all of my friends, i had done it. on the 14th, i got 100 on my last final and submitted my application for graduation. i finished my online courses with a 4.0 gpa. my girlfriend and family were all so proud of me. i was too.
then soon after i learned that my failed past would come back to haunt me. while i had long covid in 2022, my chemistry teacher refused to help me. she said, and i quote, "im not going to be your private tutor" (side note: i caught her privately tutoring one of her ap kids in the library while waiting for band practice, but thats beside the point)
because of her, i failed, and had to do credit recovery. i did it but my grade could only go up to a 70. once i learned that my new school combines my old grades on my final transcript and that would determine my gpa, i knew i was fucked. i cried and wanted to give up but i just knew i was graduating and it would be fine. turns out i didnt worry about the right thing
cut to this morning. we were supposed to leave tomorrow, i had been ready to start packing. i was coming upstairs to eat my breakfast when i checked my phone. i saw my account had been reinstated and my application for graduation was gone. now, i assumed my credits would be counted as my new school counted them. but apparently they didnt and they caught me where i missed in feburary of 2023 when i joined.
today, around 12:30, when i was about to eat and get ready to pack i let out the most heartwrenching scream. i sobbed and ran downstairs and told my parents. my dad started to look into it while i ran back upstairs and fell apart
apparently, the credits that shouldve been counted as a full were only counted as half. so now im missing 0.5 credits in two subjects, which is one overall- however those are both separate requirements, so if i cant get this fixed im going to have to do two entire full classes in order to finish on time to go to college in jan
maybe if this would've happened a few days ago it wouldve been better. but it was less than 12 hours before i would be asleep early to go on the trip in the morning. they waited until the last minute to tell me that "oh by the way you cant come this weekend lmao"
i fell apart. my dad looked into it while i sobbed and screamed and broke down. i was talking to my girlfriend texting her telling her i wanted to die and this was the final straw. i get suicidal episodes a lot, but this was the worst.
a lot of it blends together and i dont want to go through the texts to relive it. but it was hell. i was falling apart for hours while waiting for an answer. my dad called the school and we had to wait hours for a call back about what the fuck had happened
the credits, no matter how absolutely fucked up it is, was explained. but the worst part? my dad asked if i could at least walk this weekend. pretend to graduate so i can have my ceremony. you know what they said?
they said no. and that was it for me.
ive had EVERYTHING taken from me in my life. i lost my high school experience because of my body, ive lost every friend ive had and so fucking much, and now i lost this too. i dont get to graduate high school. the one singular fucking thing i had the chance to have is gone.
i broke down in the bathroom. i attempted to kill myself. i was googling and trying to find ways to make it not hurt while talking to my girlfriend. i found a belt and. almost did it but i was scared. and i hate myself for being scared because i truly believe(d) i deserve to die
i am worthless and stupid for thinking i could have one thing in my life. im an idiot for thinking this coudlve worked out and i couldve been happy. i have never felt such utter despair and humiliation as i felt today. i wanted to break my cap i worked so hard on, burn my gown and cords, destroy everything because nothing i do is ever good enough
i work my ass off and no one fucking cares. its never enough. all of the pain ive suffered and fought through was for nothing. i worked my fucking ass off to finish on time and for what? nothing. absolutely nothing. my girlfriend was so proud and now i know shes ashamed. so are my parents and everyone around me
this is going to be the hardest weekend of my life, and i can make no promises i will survive it. im trying to push through for my love, but its hard, its so fucking hard. we called after i was safely back in bed and talked for over and hour and a half. we cried and talked and just were together. it was hard. i dont know whats going to happen but im scared
this was last minute and everyone is upset. my little sister was so excited to go, and i heard her sobbing when she got home from school. my dad seems exhausted. my grandparents probably cant get the money back from their flight. we were supposed to be leaving tomorrow and now its all just gone. we were going to go to the zoo and now thats gone too. we had gotten everything for the trip and now its just. gone
im trying to gather my credits and figure it out. all i know is i will not be graduating class of 2024, if at all. i skipped sixth grade and now it doesnt even show. the next ceremony isnt until next may, so even if i did finish this year i wouldnt be where i should be. it truly is over
ive never felt more ashamed and humiliated than i do today. i dont think ill ever recover from this.
they say it gets better but when? how? when will it finally end and i will finally have something go my way for once. its all i want. all i want is a chance to be happy but i never have it.
please ive been on my knees change the prophecy
let it once be me who do i have to speak to about if they can redo the prophecy
but i looked to the sky and said please
#sxft talks#cw vent post#vent post#vent#cw vent#personal vent#tw sui ideation#tw sui implied#tw sui attempt#tw sui talk#tw sui vent#tw mental breakdown#tw self deprecation#read with caution#help is appreciated#but please do not feel forced#cw rant#rant post#rant#venting#long vent
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Alright, I feel like I'm seeing this more and more in the fnf community, and I feel like saying this whole rant for some reason despite it being 3 am as of typing (im not as tired as i thought i would be). Idk if anyone will see this and/or care enough to read through this but it's just on my mind, might as well get it out. I WILL MENTION THOUGH!! I'm willing to listen if I've gotten something wrong or if there's something I'm missing. Just try to take with a grain of salt as I'm just a fan who's sharing my opinions
The original vs Sonic.exe mod, I think is AS A CONCEPT, really good. Even after that drama and shitty people leaking it to hell and back. The concept was good, I loved how they executed the first 3 songs, Triple Trouble while I can see as pretty over done in the remix department (despite me liking a lot of different mixes for different lines of characters and plain remixes) was really fun!
For me the drama takes nothing away from the idea of how the mod was supposed to be, from as far as I know it was in the development department of the mod. Not the mod itself. Sure maybe the whole Faker.exe drama could count towards being drama directly in the mod itself.
I feel the downfall was just how much drama there was and after the cancellation everyone going to make their own remastered 3.0-4.0-whatever.0, I feel like the remaking would be a much better thing if we somehow had a specific team of people picking it up, instead of a bunch of either individual people or smaller teams remaking it.
My point I'm getting to is that I feel it's getting a lot of hate in it's entirety. I could be wrong, I can't read people's minds and know exactly what their thoughts are. Just a majority of comments on YouTube posts about it and such are very all or nothing about the mod.
My summary of things i liked and didn't like:
Songs - yes
The concept - yes!
Triple Trouble's execution - yes
Drama - no
The leaking - hell no
the fuck-billion remakes - no
the retakes - depends honestly
I can't convince anyone to change their minds, thats not the point of this post, again, i just am awake at 3 am and hoping getting this out will make me able to fall asleep easier 😭
I just hope to find some people who can agree that parts of it were ok/good. If not, it's whatever. Just don't go out of your way to shit on me, a random fan just expressing an opinion that might be different than yours. That just makes you look dumb if you do that. And your comment will most likely be deleted if there is such an option (I'm not usually a poster on social media so idk for sure yet)
This is the end of my rant finally, Idk if anyone reads this far if any, but it doesn't matter that much, just hopefully my brain has one less thought its holding while running around frantically screaming "WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE"
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more 4.0
ive been hearing about possible qol updates. cool if true.
ok mc's held e is cool as shit but the rest of the kit looks. well i think lumines pistils are stayin green
WHY NO 4* HP% SWORD?????
im not going to comment on the new battle pass weapons because im not usually a battle pass person. i havent spent much on this game but most of it has been on straight up primos
the rest of these i am assuming are craftables and not weapon banner ones. if they are then whatever because i dont pull on weapon banner either. oh wait theres 2 swords they cant both be craftable. well i cant tell what is or isnt.
finale of the deep: so its. clam set but a sword but more complicated? i have no fucking clue who this would be used for. wait i think this is the fishing weapon??? maybe the other ones are craftable. i will see.
crossing of fleuve cendre: elemental skill crit rate..... thats specific decent synergy with emblem. good sword.
i said i wasnt gonna comment on bp weapons but what the fuck is that talking stick passive ....
tidal shadow: future impact. some other kit will come out and this weapon will make way more sense
rightful reward: 4* hp% polearm.... oh noooo black tassel meta!!! except maybe not it has less hp% than black tassel. and the passive is more of that future impact shit.
is furina going to be a healer. come on we already have 5 star barbara in the form of kokomi are you really going to make a 6 star barbara. i know healing is hydro's thing. but hydro has lots of other things like long lasting skills/ults. just have whatever her shit is go for a full minute bing bang boom easy archon
flowing purity: ok this is similar to that sword so theyre definitely the craftables. um. i dont understand what this is. and maybe i dont understand the sword now that i think about it.
song of stillness: yuuuup these are the craftables. im gonna. is furina really a fucking healer. i was worried about this you cant do this to me.
ok i got confirmation these are the craftables. i missed a lot of shit on twitter
artifacts:
marechausee hunter. this is for lyney. i have no idea who else can use it. 3 stacks in 5 seconds isnt enough for.
and it has to change. if theyre at max and they get healed is does that count? if so kuki could be great for proccing this (on other characters) because her ticks are so fast. i know shes a jack of all trades but damn
golden troupe: elemental skill damage when not on the field. it could Work for a lot of characters but im not sure it would Best for a lot of characters. dehya comes to mind. its not like that one they made especially for her helps. but also. dehya. so. klee's little bombs. ohh miko. miko might actually be a good candidate. like. also 2 seconds. thats not enough leeway to cast and then switch out.
im a recipe completionist:
NO WAY THEY FINALLY GOT GARLIC BREAD IN GENSHIN IMPACT. GOTY.
hey do. does hyv know where fanta comes from. im just. first paragraph on wikipedia. im not saying they cant im just saying they need to be careful
crystalfly trap gadget????????
hmmm. interesting.
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Im a very depressed person. I have been for a very long time. I go through spells where i quit my job and dont leave my room for weeks at a time.
When I moved to Arizona, i struggled really bad. The lack of greenery. Hard to make friends. Hard to hold down a job for my anxiety. I was in my room more often than not. I was already in my own little quarantine. For like 3 years before 2020.
At the end of 2019. I got a little better. I enrolled back in school for my Associates and was in a dnd group again. And early 2020, February, I had saved up enough to fly myself to NYC to see two broadway shows. I was walking all the time. Having healthy habits. Finally doing ok.
And then Quarantine hit. (I will note that I was actually sick with Covid before my trip and had no idea. Because we were all told Covid hadnt come to the states yet. I literally asked my science proff if I had covid. He said there was no way. I was like, i for sure got covid here at school. I went home and the next day got an email that school was going digital.
Everything changed. For the worse.
My grades slipped. Not to toot my own horn, but i was sitting at a 4.0 gpa. And it went down hard. I had to drop so many classes. Go minimum time.
My health was terrible.
We weren't sure if we could walk the neighborhood. Cause of the curfews. So we didnt leave the house. I didnt leave my room. Long covid had set in.
My days were spent scrolling the news. That got progressively worse with each month. I took less showers and got infections. I was always tired.
I didnt have a period for 8 months because of the stress. (And long covid probably.)
I shaved my head bald after a mental breakdown. My mom found me crying in the bathroom at 3am.
I played a lot of minecraft. Listened to a lot of podcasts. Didnt talk to friends. But I knew I was lucky. I was safe at home with mom. And felt guilty and sick and miserable the whole time.
For me. Quarantine wasnt 1 year. Or 2 years. Or even 3 years. I had already been inside for so long. It was just... worse. I figure with my depression... its been a long time.
Im in Missouri now. And better than I was even a year ago. But Im still so bad off. Ive been to the psych ward. I'll probably go again soon.
Its... so so frustrating to see the BBC article saying mental health wasnt affected.
I almost died. So many times. To suicide. I know thats tough to talk about to hear. But its true. And I know my story isnt that tragic or hard. I had it easy. Im lucky. But also. Im so broken. And covid made my life so much worse. And I hate everyone that is trying to act like it wasnt that bad. Fuck those people
Anyways, made myself cry. So ill end this here. Sorry for rambling. Its upsetting to think about and get it all coherent. I just wanted to add my story too.
(Also during this time two of my cats died. And a cop shot and killed a guy right behind my moms car in the grocery store parking lot. And we were detained for six hours because they wanted to wear down all the witnesses so we would say the killing was justified. None of us would say it was.)
#covid#suicide mention#tw suicide mention#tw suicide#Pandemic#long text post#long text#sorry for rambling
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tell me facts about your batman unburied riddler NOW/nf
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OKAY SO (im going to assume you meant beyond?)
He's just another kid that goes to Terry's school, he's one of those types of villains.
He's very smart of course and is very good with engineering and electronics, he makes a lot of his own gear- like his digital emote mask, his cane, and his hoverboard (which i totally didn't just draw Sonic's board from Sonic Riders for the Gamecube) And he gets upset when his skills are challenged
I think he doesn't actually commit any crimes, he's very careful about that hes trying to graduate with honors and can't be fuckin up his 4.0- so he's just a pain in the ass. I think he'll set up elaborate plans and pull Batman into a whole riddler thing just to waste his time in the end for fun
I think he spray paints clues and his riddles on building walls or leaves intricate mechanical statues and stuff around for batman to find, and it'll all imply stuff like someone's going to bomb the clock tower and its just nothing,
At school, he doesn't talk to people much
he always has headphones on and ignores anyone who tries to talk to him, bc of this everybody assumes he's listening to music and just says whatever around him, but he hears it he knows a lot of secrets
He has joint issues, maybe hypermobility idk, so he uses a cane a lot and often has knee braces on (Also why he has a hoverboard, it hurts a lot less than running would)
And I think he's very into retro stuff and like batman history, bc we Know that Riddler did exist in this universe bc Bruce has an animatronic version of him, so I think This Eddie learned about the first riddler and thought fuck yea I love riddles and just became the riddler 2.0
edit: OH OH HIS CANE!! the cane handle latches onto his belt with a magnet and when he takes it off and the magnets disconnect it extends out into a cane, otherwise its just the handle
Thats all I have thought up in the brain, If i think of anything else I'll for sure add it on later
if you're looking for my doodles I've tagged them all as Beyond Riddler :)
#beyond riddler#Im losing my mind im kissing you anon#I don’t really have a lot of hcs I just spin him in my head
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places we won’t walk (chapter one) || peter parker
summary - the doors at midtown seem a little boring, but when you get introduced to someone you seem to remember, what happens when they seem to remember you too?
word count - 2.9k (wow shes gettin better!)
pairings - peter parker x fem!reader
warnings - like mild mention of s*xual assault, angst if you squint really hard, mj being a softy for you, mj being a lowkey bi, peter being stupid as always, y/n calling peter a colonizer.... thats it ok enjoy
a/n: so i know i last updated in october, but as u all saw i have a 25 days of xnas thing going on (PLS I WROTE THE A/N LIKE A MONTH AGO PLUS I FORGOT ABOUT THE XMAS THING DISREGARD) so pwww updates will be slow (as if they werent already omg) but the next chapter will be arriving hopefully, fingers crossed, on xmas eve or xmas! also, are you guys watching the new euphoria episode? also, i’ve stopped using the word ‘stuttering’, as it may be ableist, and i’d never wanna come off as insensitive. anyway lmao, enjoy chapter one, the trials and tribulations of hitting someone in the nuts.
also side note psa: biggest thank you to @blossomparkers for helping me so much w this chapter. i owe it all tooooo u lani yani. thank u for everything !!!!!
series masterlist | regular masterlist | series playlist
(gif not mine!)
when y/n y/m/n stark was in her early years, she was never aware of the impact her father would and did hold over her life, and in turn, the whole world. for the longest time, you’d always assumed that your father wasn’t real, and everything that had been told to you by malicious family members who were jealous over your father’s “successes” had been lies, and you had it believed yourself. no one would even think that you were tony stark’s daughter until it had been mentioned. tony’s snarky attitude had been a character trait that you’d gotten, and you always took pride in your humor and attitude.
the story of your mother and tony had been messy and all over the place. from a drunken hook-up followed by multiple days of morning sickness, to a surprise pregnancy test, the storyline of your parents had been.. well.. interesting to say the least. you never focused on your family’s history, solely based on the fact that you didn’t have two fucks to give about your family history, but you also never knew your father which was-- bizarre.
when tony had found out about you, he claimed it was a drunken accident, a mistake, and one he made when he was “less responsibly a stark”, which was actually just some fucking bullshit, but he didn’t wanna admit that he hooked up with some random chick at a bar that he thought was hot.
since you had been raised by a mother who was barely there, you had to raise yourself. you were kinda street smart and book smart, and you were always smart when it came to books, because you were the type to want to learn-- unlike others.
when you were in your teen years, you had tabs on you and the media on you 24/7 to make sure you didn’t royally fuck up. the unwanted attention became too much when you started realizing that people didn’t want you for your personality, they wanted you for your title. but this was after you moved from brooklyn. nuvale and peter never saw you as some “movie star”, or some famous person in the media because you weren’t. but when you had grown to learn what your father did, he had forced you to not fuck up to maintain his-- somewhat okay reputation.
you always wanted that superstar life, as a fantasy of course, but when you got to it, you realized the cliche-y-ness of it all. you’d idolized the famous women in the media-- idolized how they looked like. you realized fairly quick how fucked up the media truly is. you realized how things really aren’t as they seem. its not just the galas that look extravagant, or getting to wear a fancy new gucci outfit every night. it honestly was a whole bunch of other shit you wouldn’t even imagine. it comes with the no privacy thing- people stalking you in public, the death threats, so much shit that wouldn’t happen as common if you were just anonymous.
being an avenger (basically), your dad had natasha teach you the ropes; the basic rules of how to kick someones ass. it was a handbook that the women of the avengers had created, and it had all the rules and regulations of how to spar someone on the team, and basically how to righteously beat someone's ass up. it was never really something you found too important, but as you grew older, you realized that it was very important to know, especially since you were a girl.
despite your harsh remarks and snarky attitude, your father always knew how to hit a sensitive point in you that always managed to break you down. you never quite understood why he would want to make you feel worse about yourself than you already felt, but regardless, you always felt underappreciated by him. being a stark, you were expected to be a genius, get over the top grades, and constantly be able to keep up, but with your luck, you were graced with depression, social anxiety, and a 4.0 gpa. fun, right?
wrong.
when you were 11, you had made friends with the kids in your apartment halls, and you learned that their names were nuvale jones and peter parker, and you were basically the golden trio. you were hermione, peter was ron, and nuvale was harry. which, now that you look back at it, makes much more sense than any other arrangement. you also had another friend, harry osborn, but once he moved away, there was no way for you to talk to him anymore. he had moved across the country to california, and from then, it was just you, peter, and nuvale. your best friends ha been there for you for what seemed like decades, although you only knew them for about three.
peter was the boy with the rosy cheeks who little 12 year old you would get butterflies in her tummy. or the type of boy to bring you an extra snack if you weren’t able to pack it the night before. he was the type of boy to walk you to the nurses office if you got hit with a dodgeball. he was the type of boy to fall for someone like you. but he didn’t. or so you thought.
little prebubescent y/n was an awkward girl who thought the world would be on her side when she needed it the most, or that whenever you needed peter or nuva, they would be there. you didn’t think your best friend would stop talking to you after you had moved away. you were too naive to know that peter liked you, and you were too naive to know that he had liked you back, but you wanted to believe what your brain would tell you, so you decided to flush your feelings down the drain and forget about them, which, in hindsight, was a pretty shitty idea. who would’ve known?
your alarm clock blared loudly from beside you, causing you to let out a loud groan in protest. you hit the side of your head angrily, then whining and rubbing the spot which you hit. whines and loud sighs fell from your lips as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes and pulled the covers over your head, knowing what would come next after you would try to snooze your alarm.
“good morning, miss stark, how could i be of service to you this morning?” friday’s voice echoed through your large bedroom. you peaked your eyes and forehead from beneath the covers, your eyes slowly starting to adjust to the light that was pulled through the big blinds which were now open.
“mmm, fri, just tell happy to get the car ready, ill be ready in a few min- nevermind, tell him to get ready in thirty, im probably gonna fall asleep in the shower.” you croaked, taking your phone from the charger which was on your nightstand. you slipped on your bunny slippers and turned on the heater in your room, the draft filling your room with cold air throughout the night.
-------
once you walked through the large industrial doors of midtown’s cafeteria, everyones voices started to drop into sharp hushed whispers, making you roll your eyes and pull your hood up over your face. you pulled your airpods from your pockets into your ears and tried your best to avoid any and all eye contact with anyone you did end up coming into contact with. you walked over to the food bar where you grabbed a red school tray and plastered on your best smile to the lunch ladies who work oh so hard to make sure you all were fed. as you walked through the line, you could feel the intensified stares on you, making your back erupt in chills. you didn’t like to be watched, and the fact that you were a so-called celebrity didn’t help your cause in any way.
“hey.” a low voice called from behind you. it was a girl with curly hair with gorgeous light brown skin, and a jawline that would cut you. you were almost astonished by her beauty, but you remembered the facade you had to hold, especially to strangers that you didn’t know.
“hey?” you asked unsurely, wondering if she was with the media or not. which was something that tended to happen quite a bit.
“don’t worry, i’m not with the press. you just seem interesting.” she said in a monotone voice, but still with a strong look of seriousness on her face. you giggled softly when your eyes locked and your faces went totally still, making the girl in front of you laugh as well. she held out her hand in front of you, while also balancing her tray and book in the other hand. you placed yours into hers and shook it, smiling when she told you her name.
“michelle jones.” she smiled, your throat getting a little tight at her last name, and you had to admit that it struck a little chord within you, but you quickly cleared it from your thoughts and introduced yourself as well.
“y/n stark. pleasure to meet you, jones.”
“pleasure to meet you too.”
“so, i get that you’re new here,” she started walking, inviting you to walk along with her. “what- what are you doing here? i mean i get you’re smart and all, but this is a nerd school; you literally could’ve gone anywhere, so, might i ask, why here?”
“hm, interesting question. seriously i don’t know. my dad and i don’t really get along so he makes the decisions and i tell him if i like it or not. which by the way, i’m gonna have to stay near you-- you’re the only one making this bearable for me right now.” you snorted, nudging your elbow to hers.
“hm, daddy issues. great song, love the artists.” she smirked, making you shoot your head back in loud laughter, gaining some side eyed glances from a few people sitting at the tables around you.
“so, where are we sitting? i usually nev-”
“hey mj!” you were interrupted by a boyish laugh and hoots and hollers coming from a table two tables ahead of you.
“jesus fucking christ. what? just because i got some and you didn’t doesn’t mean that you have to be that fuckin’ loud about it.” she grumbled, placing her tray down, slinging the backpack on her right shoulder beside her. you looked at her with a nervous but curious glint in your eyes. she gave you a knowing look which said, ‘just go with what i say’, making you nod in understanding.
“woah! holy shit! i m- i mean woah- nice to- nice to meet you!” the boy fumbled over his words, looking at you and michelle in disbelief, shaking his friends shoulder and poking at his cheek.
“nice cut, g. looks nice.” you said to him, giggling as you stuck your straw into the mini juice box.
“o-oh, thanks… g?” he said back to you, observing your looks with a confused expression written on his face making you giggle at his confusion.
“peter! look! y/n stark is at our table!” he whisper shouted to his friend, making you look at michelle with a smile on your face and playfully rolling your eyes. she looked back at you, rolling her eyes as well, gesturing to her head as if saying ‘idiots’, making you giggle and turn back to them.
“so, bowl cut dude, what’s your name?” you nodded to him, picking at your salad with the blac spork that was so cordially given to you by mj.
“n-ned, ned leeds.” he smiled sheepishly.
“and you, colonizer, what’s your name?” you tapped on the table, alerting the boys attention. you could hear michelle and ned hollering and snickering from their seats, but decided to keep your poker face rolling. but i mean, how couldn’t you? the look on his face was absolutely priceless.
“peter park- wait did you just call me a colonizer?” he cut himself off in his own sentence, looking at his other friends for confirmation, to which they nodded, still cackling at the fact that you had indeed call him a colonizer.
“peter park, hm?” you teased, ignoring the way you hesitated and ignoring the way your chest felt heavy when the name of peter was said.
“n-no thats not my name-” he said, tripping over his words, making you let out a chuckle.
“i’m messing with you. with what you’ve given me, i could only guess your name is peter parker?” you rested your chin on your hand, engaging in the awkward conversation.
“yeah. thats my name.” he said more confidently, giving you a tight lipped smile.
“nice to meet you, parker.”
“you too, stark, my pleasure.”
----
after the small encounter with your new found friends, you had gone back to your respective classes, which meant that your next class had peter in it. after you had split up, you decided to get there early to avoid any commotion surrounding you.
as the boring class continued, you heard the loud clicking of high heels in the hallways, which had to be one person and one person only.
“stark,” someone shouted from the door which swung open. low and behold, in front of you was the prickly bitch, your principal, mrs cunningham. “come with me, eugene’s parents have requested a meeting with you and your father considering that you had just hit their son in the private areas!” everyone snickered and laughed. finally someone had stood up to flash’s shit.
“y- you punched flash in the nuts? i thought that was just a rumor?” peter stuttered, looking at you in disbelief.
“yeah, the fuck was i gonna do? let him flirt with me? no. that bitch tried to grab my ass. i’m a stark, i was raised better than that.” you whispered to him, packing your bag as you did so.
“hm, guess you’re right. well, good luck stark.”
“thanks parker.”
--------
once you arrived in the principals office, you saw what seemed to be his mother in one of the seats decked out in expensive pearls and diamonds. typical.
“little miss over here punched my son in the privates! i will not allow this to happen!” fuck. you thought; another one of those stuck up cunty parents.
“pfft, probably paid to get their son into here.” you muttered under your breath, playing with your protection bracelets incase anything was to ever happen.
“wHAT? mrs cunningham, i will not allow this child to talk about my son this wa-”
“hello! i was called in?” a voice interrupted, one you could only peg as your father.
“ahh! mr stark! you’re finally here!” your hilarious excuse as a principal said cheerfully.
“i am! and i am here to.. come and have a meeting about my daughter's- behavior?” he asked questiongly, already seeing the triumphant and cocky look on your face. he knew you weren’t at fault, and you were gonna lie your pretty ass out of it.
“well, mr stark, we have a student in the nurses room due to the actions of your daughter!” she looked at him menacingly. he shook his head with a smile on his face and walked over to you, grasping your shoulders in his hands.
“well kiddo, wanna explain what and why you did what you did?” he smiled, giving you two taps on your shoulder, already knowing what was next. you two had a pretty good acting schedule when it came to it, when in reality, you despised eachother.
“sure daddy! eugene had been hitting on me for several days now, and even found my private social medias in use to.. how can i say this, use me for my fame? he tried talking to me, very inappropriately on several occasions, and even went as far as to try and grab me in areas in which i find extremely inappropriate, without my consent, might i add, which doesn’t seem okay with me. does it seem exceptional to you, mrs thompson?” you asked, while only keeping your eyes on his mother.
“why, i am so sorry miss stark! his father will be in contact, i did not raise my baby to be this way! im sorry for any inconvenience he may have caused you!” she gasped, raising a hand to her heart.
“it’s okay, i just request, may this never happen again? i would not like my privacy to be invaded, much less from your son, and can i please ask that he never try to hit on me, nor any girls at this school ever again? i can only imagine how many other girls this may have happened to, mrs thompson.” you sighed, your eyes filling up with fake tears. you reached up to touch your fathers hand, tapping it twice back, knowing that you both had just won.
“never again miss stark, once again, i am so sorry this happened to you.”
“it’s okay. now mrs cunningham, shall we see our way out?” your father answered for you, looking over at the old white woman who looked like a piece of cheese. she could only nod in awe, giving you the cue to pick up your bags and walk proudly to the door.
“thanks i guess.” you muttered, pulling out your airpods once more, hoping to seal the conversation with your father.
“yeah yeah, no problemo.” he muttered back, avoiding eye contact and stuffing his hands in his pockets.
once you reached the door, you remembered that you had left something in your locker, and informed your dad that you’d be going back to get it. he all but nodded and looked back at his shoes before trudging to the car.
once you entered the seemingly halls, much to your surprise, you saw a scrawny teenage boy lifting open a set of lockers, which you didn’t even know was possible, and pulling out a red and blue suit. once you saw who the hands belonged to, your mouth fell agape as you gasped,
“peter?”
#places we won't walk#peter parker x reader#peter parker#peter parker imagines#peter parker angst#peter parker fluff#peter#tom holland x reader#tom holland#tombrina#tom holland imagines#tom holland angst#tom holland fanfic#tom holland fluff#tom#tom holland icons#tom holland imagine#peter parker masterlist#tom holland masterlist#dani's thoughts#arvin russell#tom holland smut
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media over exaggerates everything, dw, its not that bad <33 honestly? what i do is find people who are sitting alone or i like the vibes of (funky jewelry and pride stuff tbh) and talk to them. Compliments are a great way to start convos! and esp during the first week to month of school people are rlly open to making new friends! and then there are stages of friendship basically, once you talk with em, you wave to them in hallways/passing period (speaking of which, go before school starts to figure out ur classrooms, being late is kinda akward but not too bad) and then you follow them on insta/snap and then maybe phone numbers or social or meeting up outside of school Group projects! great way to meet people! And hoenstly? ppl do not care. as someone who is lowkey terrified of being percieved, people have better things to worry about. all you really need to do is focus on your grades <33 (tho, im not sure if grades are priorities at other schools, at my school the average GPA is a 4.0+ and nearly everyone in my grade is 2-3 grades above theirs in math :pp prolly just cuz i live in a fully asian/indian community in one of the most competitive areas)
And the mental health thing? Can be true sometimes, but there is a lot of good in it :)) - Lunches with friends!!! (kinda rare for me cuz we all have clubs, which is another great way to make friends btw!) - Work periods where you just goof off! - Going off campus >>> - 'trauma' bonding over bad teachers - Study sessions in the library were you get kicked out for giggling too loud :pp - Classes with creative projects :DD (i got to learn all about psychopaths) - classes with chaotic kidss ( i helped a guy stuff his chest with squishmellows to make fake boobs and then me and 4 other kids ties my corset around him for our final project) - STALE CANDY/STICKERS TEACHERS GIVE - KAHOOTS AND JUST GAME DAYS - MOVIE DAYSS >>> - and personally going from a middle school with a graduating class of less than 100, meeting so many people who are weird, and have interesting hobbies/fandoms! i saw ppl wearing fandom merch and would freak out, cuz OMG THATS SO COOL. and people have such unique and weird senses of style im obsessed with <33 and i also met other queer people?? which was SO cool <33 public school is a bit disgusting and unsanitary and mildly concerning BUTTT its chaotic, funny and leads to tons of cool stories/friends and uhhhh i think thats it?? the only thing which i personally dont like is that highschoolers are so over everything that they put in so little effort, which like is totally fine but makes you weird if you're too passionate or 'try too hard' which is prolly just a me problem as i get easily excited and kinda.... go overboard as you can see AND MAIN TIP! find your people, stay away from ppl who others say do drugs/smoke or are in gangs (unfortunatly, this isnt a disney channel show where ppl's looks dont allign with their actions, and i learned that the semi-hard way?? idk i made cool friends, just cant hang out with em if i want a future :pp ) and once you make some friends, you're set uhhhh, i kinda rambled here- feel free to send me an ask or dm if u have more questions!! :DD '
fuck. one summer left.
#also sorry if any of this is like common sense#its just things i discovered this yr#as a probable nuerodivergent who just finished freshman year
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Tips for Mentally Ill Students
Preface: I know theres a lot of this kind of stuff around, but I thought I would put out my two cents as someone with ADHD, anxiety, and Bipolar II (so a combo of hypomania and depression that cause things I’ll elaborate on in this). This may or may not help with some chronic illnesses, as I have fibromyalgia which is pretty inseparable from my mental health.
This all comes from my experience as a first year college student, who didn’t fully take this advice all the time, but definitely plan to fully incorporate in my first semester and I’ll update you. Most of this advice I did take though, and I made it on the deans list and got a 4.0 on my jury so I think I did well for myself.
1. Do Things Ahead of Time - Executive dysfunction, depression, pain, etc. is a bitch. It will tell you that you can’t, that you shouldn’t, that it’s impossible to do that thing you need to do. And really sometimes it is impossible for you. I know I found it impossible to do my homework sometimes, and thats not good. However, this is where using your good days to full advantage comes in. On my end of this, I often even use my hypomanic days (which are not fun trust me, but thats not what this post is about) to get shit done. When you have a day where you feel like you can do things, USE IT. Do your homework, clean that corner of your room, plan a month ahead (I literally make bujo spreads a month ahead in order to counteract my depression and busy days), email that professor, get it all done. You will love your past self for it.
2. Spend Time Outside of Your Room - (Bear with me this one is long) Ok, I love to sleep, I am constantly tired. Fibromyalgia is horrible, as is depression. However, sleeping all the time is not conducive to studying, doing homework, practicing oboe, showering (trust me you will not wanna get out of bed just to shower and you will go for days without). In college you have a lot of free time, and that free time could be spent in your room, or it could be utilized to 1) spend time with friends 2) study in the library 3) practice an instrument 4) explore the campus/city 5) draw in cafe. I’ve found that being outside of your room improves your mood, and also allows you to be more focused on your work. Personally, I like to find the most underutilized area of the campus at the time, and studying or drawing there. I even once had a TA tell me to go take a walk and destress rather than take a test, and he just had me take the test the next week (he was the best TA). It’s very good to get out of buildings, especially your dorm. (If I’m honest though I did sleep in the lobby of the music building many times which probably wasn’t good, but I’ll admit this tip didn't always work).
3. Honestly Classical Music Doesn’t Always Work - as a music major who plays the oboe, I’ll be honest, classical music is distracting. I find myself constantly analyzing it and/or just getting bored with it lol. So, to fuel my brain’s need for stimulation while I do homework I put on podcasts or youtube video in the background. I know people will tell you that you can’t multitask, but as someone with both ADHD and exhausting hypomania, I need entertainment. If that means classical music for you, go for it, but I’ve talked to a couple of people and they agree with me - it doesn’t always work.
4. Say No - people will ask you to do a lot of things such as going to a concert, party, tutor them and you don't have to do it. If you don’t want to, if you don’t have the energy, if you just don’t like them, don’t do it. I feel like this is the hardest tip because many of us don’t want to be hated, but what other people think of you doesn’t matter as long they don’t effect your future, such as professors obviously. This is incredibly hard to internalize.
5. 100% Effort All The Time Is Not Possible - we talk a lot about giving what you want to receive. Thats not how it works. You can’t always give 100%, and you won’t always receive 100%. The world isn’t equal. You need to decide how much energy you can serve that day, how much energy you think something deserves, and then apply it. You may receive just as much energy as you put in, you may get less in return, or you may get more. It just depends on what you’re doing. Its not fair to yourself if you treat yourself like a battery powered machine. You're more like a cell phone that needs to recharge and has less and less energy to give the more time you go between recharges.
6. Actually Socializing is Good For You And That Can Include Parties - I know I just said say no to parties, but parties can be refreshing. Obviously I you have social anxiety it might not be, but you don’t always have to go to parties you can just hang with a friend at a cafe. However, what I'm trying to get across is that doing something new is much better than constantly doing homework, working, and just generally being by yourself. If I’m truthful, I love parties, I think they really bring me alive as an introverted extrovert, and they save me from myself. By the way, I'm not advocating for underage drinking here. You don’t have to drink at parties, and if anyone pressures you to, leave. but if you're in a safe environment parties, genuinely are a good thing to save you from self impose solitary confinement.
7. Talk to Your Professors/TAs - this one is self explanatory. Your professors are your greatest resource, and you need to tell them when you are having issues. This doesn’t mean you have to tell them your mental illness. Its genuinely not necessary, unless you really want them to understand the issue (such as e telling my piano TAs about my fibromyalgia that hurt my fingers). You can just ask them for an extension on the occasional piece of work, email them on your bad days and tell them you can not make it to class and ask for a make up date for the test. Most professors are very kind especially if you are in a small class/major. Of course it depends on the class. Personally I’d reserve this for your smaller classes, and use your extra effort on those big classes where accommodation is harder for the professor.
8. Related: Use Your School’s Resources - on that note, your school may have counseling/therapy/psychiatry/etc. that you can use. If it’s free, or you have the insurance, please use it, and if you can, use it regularly. In many cases if you have an official diagnosis, you can get disability accommodation for your mental illness and/or disability and/or chronic illness. This means you'll have an official “excuse” for violating the absence policy (please don’t though, that one is tougher to accomodate), for turning in your homework a day late, for needing power-points to be presented rather than verbal lectures (I have this one for just in case moments, normally professors automatically accommodate this though). This means that if professor don’t let you use your accommodations, they can get in trouble.
9. Have Things That Make You Feel Better Easily Available - sometimes it’s incredibly tough to get out of bed, but you need to. On these days, you need something that can make you feel better without just skipping class. On these days I always have sweatpants or leggings available for comfiness, in the fall I grab my emotional support scarf (not a total joke, that scarf comforts me on my panicky days), sometimes I even use my CBD vape pen (yes, yes I know self vape nation lol get it put of your system). Just having things that make you feel good, in your site, and readily available for use is so important and can really make the difference.
10. Not Every Piece of Homework Needs to be Done - exclusively the only reason I did not get a 3.8-4.0 is because I weighed my options and decided it was better for me to not do certain low weighted hw. Rather than use my spoons doing hw that wasn’t going to ultimately help (I knew the material, if you don’t know the material it’s tougher to use this tip), I used my spoons and energy towards doing the laundry or practicing my oboe for an extra 30 mins. It’s important that you weigh what is more important to you personally.
I hope these helped! I’m trying to be realistic as possible, and been as candid as possible so if this helped feel free to message me and talk about it because I’d love to hear your story as I’ve shared a bit of mine here.
Also, go ahead and add on to this with your tips!
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You know, I used to be able to throw together a 3/4 page essay with a developed thesis and a multitude of paragraphs in less than 50 minutes and now
I can barely string a sentence together in an hour
#high school versus college#all those ap classes#now#i just hope for the best#my gpa is already meh#apparently an a isnt an a in college#get an a- and thats less than a 4.0????#at least this essay is only 500 words
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Please Help! I have problem between the insurance company and repair shop.?
Please Help! I have problem between the insurance company and repair shop.?
I got into an accident 2 months back, i am NOT at fault. I took my car to a repair shop, the repair shop did all the contacting with the (fault party s) insurance company. Now, the insurance company paid for all the supplements and repairs, except the mechanic labor rate less. The shop charges 45$/hour, and the insurance only pay 38/hour.. Now the shop don t want to release me the car if i don t pay the difference. What should i do? Who should paid? What can i do?? The accident is not my fault!
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :COVERAGEQUOTES.NET
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he fucking despises warner and callahan, i think he would like emmett he much prefers musical emmett than movie emmett because lets be honest i love the lad i really do but movie emmett is just owen wilson's brother to me, i honestly think he couldn't really care less that elle and emmett got together at the end he wasn't really focused on that little romantic plot line throughout yk he was more just focusing on her personal success, he's glad she's happy at the end and really likes her little speech about being true to yourself even if it goes against what everything else accepts yk???
"WAS THAT LAW?! IS THIS THE POINT OF LAW IM FEELING KINDA HIGH THIS IS WHY WE ALL STUDY AND SLOG TO HELP THE UNDERDOG I SO IDENTIFY" he would love this part in the musical me thinks
OH he definitely cringes whenever warner says 'pooh-bear' he cringes and boos whenever warner comes on screen tbh like he's the representation of elle woods who believed she was set in life with her 4.0 in fashion merchandising and being a wife and mother and JUST LIKE WHAT everyone expects of her LIKE IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS ACTUALLY.
enjolras would care about paulette to a certain extent like he's not really fussed about the whole kyle ups guy thing like cool paulette likes the ups guy but he does care about the whole getting rufus from dewey subplot he cares about it so much because elle made a difference, paulette's rufus is safely returned to her and is very happy
honestly he adores all the parts where elle is doing lawyer stuff like i know its literally called legally blonde but like the wyndeham trial and everything i just I ADORE HIM YK i just think he would be so excited when justice is served yk??
me thinks that in a modern au (modern au i say loosely in my head a modern au means 2008) that it would be cosette who introduces enjolras to it, idk it makes sense to me yk she's all like 'you haven't seen legally blonde?! and you are talking about going to law school????' 'yes?' 'well enjolras we are going to have to fix that arent we?' '????????????' i think cosette would gather all the les amis and they have a little movie night :] where they binge legally blonde and legally blonde 2 (i think legally blondes was out in 2008 ish BUT thats another can of worms) i also just think cosette and enjolras friendship real and true?! like me and my friend had this whole idea about cosette going to one of the meetings after jehan (bffs) invited her (there she meets marius but i digress) and i just she as a strongmind a good and kind brain and they are like quick friends
legally blonde 2 spoilers ahead (i say this as if its not a movie from 2003 but still LMAO)
enjolras feels this sort of protectiveness over elle me thinks like an almost like i feel strongly bonded with this character sort of protectiveness yk??? especially in the sequel and when the new york lawyers are just mean :[[[[[ like unneccessarily mean. He also admires her ability to plan and okay he might have got a little mad when the big law firm fired elle at the beginning of legally blonde 2 like he had to get up and walk around for a moment to process it yk before sitting down but like elle is a woman who knows what she wants and what she wants to do to get it and enjolras finds it so admirable.
rip enjolras you would have loved legally blonde
#legally blonde#elle woods#les mis#enjolras#warner huntington iii#emmett forrest#emmett richmond#paulette#legally blonde 2#movies
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I want to say that 2018 sucked but, to be honest, in the history of the past 25 years, it...is kind of a normal type of suck, you know? Like I could handle it? And it really wasn’t -too- bad?
Let me put it this way.
I was raised in an emotionally and psychologically abusive household (the kind where you are raised to believe you are worthless to the point that it becomes part of your identity, and you believe abusive behaviors are normal or even kind behaviors), and I was bullied by students and teachers alike in school. I went to a school that was SO BAD, that when Orange is the New Black came out and people were like OMG that place is prison, its so scary, omgggg...I was like...that was my high school, what are you talking about? When people post videos of girls getting their faces bashed into sinks in school bathrooms and people freak out over the nature of kids these days, I go...its been that way forever? Is that not normal? Did I miss something?
I then went to college and took a major that I felt I had to in order to prove to my parents that I was not a freak. I then went into fashion where I had it good for about 10 years, but it was just more psychological and emotional abuse, tbh. I slowly got to know what it was. Like, you know its scary when someone thinks this is NORMAL. Imagine when that person realizes its NOT, and their life is Fucked Up(TM).
Then I decided to change careers and go back to school in about 2015, and this required me selling everything I owned and moving back in with my parents. When I say I sold everything, I mean down to like...giving away one of my cats. I owned my clothes, my other cat, and my car (which got totaled that year anyway so yeah). I took a $60K pay cut just to leave that life behind. But it was still my parents. I knew their game now, though. And I knew what to do and what not to do. For three years I was exactly what they wanted, and tbh, going back to school helped me cope with it because it gave me something to do and helped keep me focused on me. But that was before 2018.
My parents moved into an old folk’s community, and I didn’t want to go, so I used the savings I had scrimped for those years I lived with them and got an apartment. Money is kind of tight. I can afford it, but its just standard “I’m an adult�� budgeting I have to do. No partying or anything. But anyway, I got into a great school. A fucking fantastic school. I have a 4.0 since returning to school. I was like...second place for a full ride scholarship that thousands of people compete for. Professors asked me to guest speak in their classes, and they use my papers for examples of what to do. The new school told me, that’s great, just go take this math class that has nothing to do with your major, but you need to take it to get into this program, pay us a couple hundred dollars, pass with a C, and you’re good to go.
This class was for engineering and math majors. I was the only psychology major there. The teacher was HORRIBLE. I taught myself this math and got a B. I am used to putting out A effort and getting As because I am a 100% student. But whatever. I called the school and they said that it doesn’t even get counted on my GPA. I just needed it for qualification or whatever. I get into the program. Its great. I made my dreams come true through hard work and perseverance and I did it myself, all by myself, FOR ME. And no one else.
And then I show up during orientation and it turns out that this school lied to me during the admissions process. They do not have classes available nights and weekends, like they said they did. And not just one person told me this. I asked no less than 6 people, and a whole department confirmed it. They told me, “It is not our fault that you feel you weren’t given enough information to make this decision. Your fees are non-refundable. Bye!”
Now I was SOL, because all the other colleges that had accepted me (I had applied to 6 like universities, and only one did not accept me) had passed their deadlines for me to accept admission.
I wanted to pretend that this didn’t suck for me. But it really did depress me because I was reminded that, once again, no matter how hard I worked or tried to make my life better, someone could easily squash it and not care. And the Logical Me knows that this is not a problem. I called a few schools that very day and then had some top online schools fighting for me. I got into all of them, and received a scholarship. The school I will be going to is a Christian school, but it is respected in my chosen major. I am -pleased- with how it turned out alright in the end. It is -acceptable-.
But Emotional Me, Wounded Child Me, the one who never received closure from abuse and bullying, just took another hit. And thats really all that happens. I get my hopes up and its dashed, and psychologically, this is the reaction. It is depression. I went to a therapist, they told me I was fine and to call them when I actually had a problem (really). Went to go see a psychiatrist because obviously talking to someone didn’t help and fuck that, I need meds, but it took forever to get an appointment, and when I did, I got a flat tire on the way there, and they never called me back to reschedule, so I am waiting on another appointment.
New friends I had made got me lost on a fucking mountain during a hike, and during that time one of them said some really disparaging remarks, so I haven’t hung out with them since then.
But like, I know all this sounds bad. And it is. I am not dismissing myself. But in the light of everything in my life, it has been managed. I handled it. I no longer have ‘its the end of the world’ panic attacks (I had only one this year, and that one was on the mountain...they used to be monthly). And a lot of good shit happened to. Like...I taught myself an advanced math class. I got myself a B. I graduated junior college with a 3.8 cumulative GPA. I moved out, and got my own apartment, and its fucking PURPLE on the inside because thats my favorite color. I regained some relationships, and got rid of ones that I didn’t need. I am stronger with my boundaries. I found out that some kids look up to me and if that doesn’t fucking blow your mind when you find that out, then...I dunno. I still can’t believe it. I won fucking NaNoWriMo, the first time I wrote original fic since like...2005. I handle my shit. And every year, Handling My Shit gets easier to do. I think of things I do now that would have freaked Past Me out a lot. I still have issues in grocery stores and I don’t know why (crowds? i dunno). And work still gives me anxiety. But I can give as good as given when it comes to my parents (I don’t abuse back...but I do shut things down and respect my boundaries when around them).
I know 2019 is another year that will be part of this story. School is not done yet (I should be done, but you can thank incompetent counselors at my previous school for giving me wrong advice for a year, and then the new college debacle), so there’s that. And I want to write more. I like what I write now. Man, my parents used to give me so much shit about my writing. They used to tell me I was hiding from them (probably was) and I was weird. I still hate being called weird. But I like writing. And even though I don’t get a lot of comments on it, I like doing it for me. Even Tumblr’s tiddypocalypse couldn’t stop it. Anyway. I’m ringing in the new year with some contemplation, frozen pizza, and some wine.
And writing.
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GPA is probably the most stupid system ever as well. If as by American grades you get all A's, you'll have a 4.0 GPA. It doesn't do much more than make you more appealing for colleges and it'll be easier to get in. But people shouldn't be judged for college for how they do in high school. Remember these are children and people change a lot. Just because a teenager might be less motivated to study in high school. Doesn't mean he'd work his was off in college later in life.
But like? You don’t do well in first year of HS it impacts your final grades? Thats crazy to me! The point of school is to become smarter, like??? Why you bringing up the past? Base it off the end??? Does your GPA matter for like anything else other than college? Is there a time frame on how long its used? We have a thing called a bridging year/unit thats like if you didn't get good enough grades you do a year to prove you can achieve the set standard and then if you pass that you go into the degree
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