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thesimplyluxuriouslife · 5 years ago

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254: 26 Ways to Ensure Happy Singledom at Any Stage of Our Life's Journey

"Across the world, despite all prejudices and beliefs against it, singlehood is the growing trend." —Elyakim Kislev , author of Happy Singlehood: The Rising Acceptance and Celebration of Solo Living

It is highly beneficial to understand the construction of our beliefs regarding singledom, so that after discarding the myths and acknowledging the realities, we can "freely choose whatever lifestyle fits [us] best".

With the life expectancy in most developed countries rising to just under 80 years, it is a statistical probability that all of us will be living single or solo at some point in our lives whether by choice or circumstances, and consequently, knowing how to enjoy being single is a skill that would be most beneficial to acquire.

Depending upon our innate temperaments, which is different than our personalities, each of us is more predisposed to be comfortable or prefer more or less social engagement. And depending upon what we most enjoy doing in our careers and in our free time, we will be more or less inclined to seek out companionship for long or short durations.

Elyakim Kislev's new book, which was released in February, includes extensive research and an abundance of studies that demonstrate the reality of our modern world that no matter what you prefer, will enable each of us to live more consciously and thus more fully, as well as support others in our lives who choose to live in a manner we may not prefer or choose.

The first powerful finding that spoke to me was the acknowledgement of an unspoken truth regarding marriage (these studies involves a large majority of the industrialized world, not just the United States) - why do people step more easily into marriage even with modernizations of the world we live in today.

Studies have actually proven that the 51% of individuals entering into marriage acknowledge that it is "a fear of aging alone or dying without anyone at our bedside that drives us into marriage".

"Marriage may not be such a good way to escape loneliness in old age. Not only do married people feel lonely in surprisingly high numbers, but also long-term singles are often better equipped to deal with loneliness later in life".

Yes, that does then mean 49% of people did not report this as a reason, but that alone should give us pause, especially when we know that the divorce rate is nearly as proportionate and the percentage of a second divorce is higher still. While each couple's situation is uniquely alone, to not address this fear is to place an undeserved burden on individual we are marrying. In fact, studies have proven, when we do address this fear, as those who have never married do, earlier in our lives, the individual is more likely to make the best decision for themselves and thus improve their overall happiness no matter what the decision may be.

Many TSLL readers/listeners know I am single and have been for the majority of my life. Don't worry, this is not a post/episode advocating for being single if you are either already in a happy marriage, happy relationship or wish to be coupled. Rather today's posting will hopefully broaden our understanding of the realities of societal norms, motivations, pressures, expectations, unconscious biases and realities so that whatever your life's journey is and will be, it is one made with a clear mind that has discarded the myths and is then able to make the best decisions for you and the life you wish to lead. True contentment, in other words, is the goal of today's posting.

26 Ways to Ensure Happy Singledom

~Each of these points are discussed in detail in the audio version of this podcast episode. I encourage you to tune in for further clarification of each point or pick up the book Happy Singlehood from which each of these points were inspired.

1.Assess honestly your self-perception of how you define loneliness and where that definition was constucted.

2. Build and continually nurture a strong social well-being

Having a strong social well-being helps eradicate or reduce social loneliness and emotional loneliness as you will have people in your life in which you feel close to and may turn to (emotional), as well as have both intimate and peripheral acquaintances that give you a sense of belonging (social).

~Listen to Episode #92 - Elements of a Strong Social Well-Being - for further discussion on the construction.

3. Conduct a life review: Self-reflect and find peace with your journey thus far

"Happy older singles [have] the ability to look back and gain control over the circumstances that led to being single".

4. Celebrate and exercise the ability to make your own decisions

5. Revel in your solitude - produce your own "show" so to speak

6. Take responsibility for your own contentment

~View a long list of archived posts and episodes on cultivating true contentment or pick up my 2nd book - Living The Simply Luxurious Life

7. Distinguish between the myths regarding marriage and singlehood and reality

Myth versus reality:

"Young people fear being physically vulnerable in old age more than elders [actually] do".

"Fifty-seven percent of the eighteen-to-sixty-four-year old population anticipate memory loss in old age, while only 25 percent of those aged sixty-five and above actually experience it. Furthermore, while 42 percent expect serious illness in old age, only 21 percent of those aged sixty-five and above experience the same."

"While an expectation of loneliness arises among 29 percent of young people, only 17 percent experience loneliness in old age."

8. Foresee and prepare for potential emergencies

In other words, financial planning - engage with it early, often and regularly, craft a living will, construct your own "family" - .

9. Engage with your community for resources, connection and engagement

10. Learn how to socially engage as a singleton in a manner that makes you feel safe and fulfilled

11. Refrain from seeing marriage as a form of "self-validation".

In other words, seek validation from within, as society's values are limiting, dynamic and generalized.

~A post you might enjoy on this topic: First, Seek Self-Approval

12. Use your time being single as a time for self-growth and development - find the road to your truest self

~A post you might enjoy on this topic: Why Not . . . Live Alone for a While?

13. Maintain and strengthen your overall health - physical and mental

~An episode you might enjoy on this topic: The Six Pillars of Good Health, episode #212

14. If you are a pet person, welcome a pet into your life.

15. Confront the fears that are causing you to assume marriage is the answer to assuage them before you get married for the wrong reasons.

16. Simply be aware of the social stigmas, discrimination and pressures placed on singles.

Doing so will enable you to confront and effectively deal with situations when they arise in a productive way to potentially bring more awareness to the realities and discrimination that exists.

17. Have a positive self-image and self-perception of your life as someone who is single

Present yourself to the world, whether at work or in your personal life as the confident and happy person that you are - some who happens to be single - knowing that is not all that defines you. Gradually, images change when we put a face to the reality.

18. Build your self-confidence

Find work and hobbies in which you feel valued and accomplished - this could be in your career, in your hobbies or in your social network. Be willing to try new things, and as you see that you can learn, change, improve and grow, you begin to realize you hold more power to cultivate the life you love than you may have realized - thus your confidence grows.

~An episode you might enjoy on the topic: Confidence: How to Gain It & Why It's Invaluable, episode #5

19. Consciously avoid the social pressure and discrimination

In other words, your attention gives validation. And if you choose not speak up, what is said or done is deemed as acceptable. Whether it is the conversations you listen to or engage in, the people you spend time with, the films you pay to see, the music you listen to, etc., your time, money and attention are powerful - give it consciously.

20. Speak up and confront discrimination when it occurs

Often people aren't even aware of their bias regarding marriage being the "best" option. Construct a parallel question to those who ask "Why are you still single?" or "I'm still keeping an eye out for you." There are some great ones in the book. Make sure to keep the comment or question equal to what was received so that the speaker can see the error of their words and assumptions.

21. Seek a career or a calling that gives you purpose, in which you feel you are contributing something of value to the world.

22. Find a balance with work and leisure

23. Let your curiosities guide you to seek out educational opportunities for growth

24. Strengthen your three pillars of good health - physical, mental and financial

25. Acknowledge and cultivate manageable household responsibilites

26. Recognize that choosing and embracing being single is not out of weakness or selfishness, but of strength and awareness to connect often more consciously.

"As singles, we know more than anybody else that true independence is actually interdependence."

We liberate ourselves when we recognize there are many different ways to live well in our modern world. And even for those who do not fully or will never accept that there is more than one traditional way to live contentedly and contribute to society positively, as well as giving ourselves the opportunity to be self-actualized, when we model the reality rather than the myth, we encourage others to explore and reach their full potential as well. A more content world is a peaceful world.

If anyone is so fortunate to find a partner to enjoy life with should they wish to and be able to reach their fullest potential without feeling they are limited, confined or lonely in something they "should" be doing, what a magnificent awesome union. Losing such a person, no matter what our age would be heartbreaking, but we can only control and strengthen ourselves, and when we strengthen the muscle of self-reflection, acknowlegement of fears rather than a suppression, we set ourselves free to live well throughout the entirity of our life's journey.

The responsibility each of us has is to not place upon someone else's shoulders that which we are capable of doing ourselves. When we take on this responsibility of cultivating our own happiness and contentment, we will see more clearly what path we truly wish to travel, we will strengthen all of our relationships as we recognize we are interconnected in large and small ways, and we will give ourselves a deep breath of relief and excitement for the next step in our journey forward.

~SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Why Not . . . Be A Confident Single Woman?

~Single or Married: 20 Things To Do

~The Truths & Myths of the Independent, Single Woman, episode #94

Petit Plaisir:

~Daily Rituals: Women at Work by Mason Curry

Tune in to the latest episode of The Simple Sophisticate podcast

#tsllpodcast thesimplesophisticate

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wheezingwhippet · 6 years ago

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Broken people and broken animals

I apologize in advance for the length of this blog. It’s a long one, but one that I felt needed to be written down. I decided I would share it.

Broken people and broken animals

It’s not often that I accept something positive about myself. The past few weeks, however, have taught me a few important lessons about myself and the gift I possess.

Let me start by sharing a little bit about myself. I am bipolar manic-depressive. It doesn’t define who I am, but it is a very real piece of me that is constantly impacting my life. I was diagnosed with bipolar II as well as generalized anxiety disorder in 2015. My first major depressive episode occurred earlier that year. I had never experienced true depression before that time. It was a terrifying time in my life. I felt hopeless, desperate, alone, and some days completely apathetic. I shut myself out from the rest of the world. It didn’t matter to me if I was alive or dead. I made a suicide attempt and luckily made it through. The panic attacks and extreme paranoia, followed by days of apathy, lethargy, and severe depression eventually turned to periods of mixed states and hypomania. I would become extremely agitated, frustrated, and depressed; at the same time, I would be energetic and restless with mounting anxiety.

Eventually, the feelings and loss of myself during this time led me to seek help. I started therapy and medications. There were highs and lows through it all, but after a few months of trials I became stable. I started to regain my confidence and the sense of who I was once more. Life was improving. However, like many other bipolar folks, I ended up tapering out of my medications. I would forget to refill or take my pills for a few days, and feeling better at the time would just leave it at that. When life would start to spiral out of control, or when I found I was affecting those I cared about by my mental status and actions, I would start medications again. The cycle continued over the past 3 years.

Most recently, I discontinued my medications after experiencing new side effects from a change in manufacturer of the drug. I needed to speak with my physician, but life got in the way. I had started working multiple jobs to keep up with the financial mess that was becoming my life. My massive student debt, piled on top of the high cost of living and met by low paying jobs, quickly sent me spiraling into my second major depressive episode. I cannot count the number of times I had broken down, feeling hopeless and completely lost. I am ashamed of my actions and the way I took it out on some of the people I cared most about. There was never a time I had felt as alone as I had throughout this year. Seventy to eighty hour work weeks were absolutely draining me, and all of it was for money that I was simply losing each month. For multiple months I had to seek additional financial help even on top of what I was doing. The stress of my work was an additional burden that was sometimes too much to bear (I work in the field of veterinary medicine).

I could no longer feel happiness. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I could sense my “old self” trapped somewhere far away, calling out to be heard. But it was so deep and so buried away, hidden behind a cloud that was unreachable. I wasn’t myself. I began to feel suicidal once more. For many days I would experience apathy and a desire to disappear passively. I desperately hoped that some natural accident would occur so that I could leave this world. I couldn’t find an escape to it all. I wanted so bad to feel better, but couldn’t find the strength to change. I lost those I cared about most in my life due to my own negligence and actions. I stopped eating as my appetite was non-existent. I lost nearly 20 pounds over the course of a few months. Eventually, I made further suicide attempts on more than one occasion.

Finally, I reached out for help once more. I found an incredible, caring doctor that got me restarted on my medications. I am working daily to improve my life and well-being. Today, I am far from healed, but I am on my way.

I am a very broken human being. I always have been, and although I can put some of the pieces back together again, I will always have cracks and scars. This is something I can accept. I will never be perfect and I won’t always be understood, but that is okay.

These past few weeks have undoubtedly been some of the most difficult in my life. However, I had some unexpected, insightful experiences that bring me to the true point of this journal topic. My job includes working with some very difficult animals some days. There is one in particular named Juniper. Juniper is a young Boxer-mix dog. She came to her owner as a rescue and it was quickly noted that she had fear and anxiety in certain situations. The veterinary office happened to be one of those situations. The doctor and I worked repeatedly with this dog for weeks as she needed multiple vaccines and tests that Juniper simply would not allow. She would lunge, bite, and try to murder you for even looking in her direction with the thought process of poking her with a needle. Her fear and anxiety, regardless of our attempts to make the situation as stress-free as possible, escalated to the point where she would no longer allow any part of her to be touched.

On her most recent visit with us, Juniper tried to bite multiple times and could not be treated at all. Our doctor and the owner came to the decision that this was not good for her and that her anxiety was too much. The owner elected to discontinue the attempts to work with Juniper on her anxiety further, as the owner herself was developing greater stress over the situation. But I experienced something different with Juniper on that day. When I first entered the room, Juniper, strangely enough, decided to greet me and allow me to pet her. I could not touch that dog previous to that day. As I finished taking my history, Juniper gave me a look before promptly sidling up to me and pressed herself against me. She sat and leaned into me until I reached down to pet her. She continued to push on me, encouraging me to sit with her and offer her love.

Let me repeat: I could not touch that dog previous to that day. Not once in the multiple times we had seen her could I touch her.

Juniper continued this throughout the exam. Over and over, she kept coming up to me giving me this soft, understanding look and asking for my attention. I couldn’t believe what was happening. Even after she tried to murder us for attempting to give her a vaccine, she went right back to pressing up against me, begging for me to give her attention. Before she and her owner left, I went out to say goodbye and was greeted once more by Juniper who then hesitated to leave me. The experience was very emotional.

Today, I found myself with another highly anxious, fearful dog. He had come a long ways in his training, but could still become reactive and was very sensitive. I was charged with getting his history and recording his vitals. As I walked in the room, I could immediately sense what he needed. His expressions, his attitude, his eyes all told me what he was thinking, how he would act, and what he needed most from me to be comfortable and trusting. I respected those things. I gave him his space, let him investigate, and offered him the chance to communicate with me. I could see in his eyes that he could understand me and that I could understand him. He allowed me to work with him after just a few short minutes, letting me know that I could be trusted.

I didn’t think as much of that experience until I was about to leave and the doctor called me into her office. The owner, she informed me, told her today that she was very impressed by my attitude and how I worked with Hunter. She was extremely happy with how I communicated with her dog. This owner, the doctor continued, has been working with us for years and doesn’t normally say things like that. That was quite a compliment and I should be proud.

Pride wasn’t exactly the emotion I got, but rather I was grateful and appreciative. These were not the only two experiences I have had, but two of the greater ones. I realized that I have a gift with animals who might not always be well-understood. The language, the feelings, and the experiences are shared between us. I think not only do I have a natural understanding of them, but that they too have a sense of understanding for me. Some animals seem to know when you are lost or feeling down. Some animals will step up to guide you as they know you would guide them. Those that are broken seem to have some of the most understanding and compassion to give back. I believe Juniper could sense my depression that day. I believe she could sense that I was lost in this world at that time. I believe she understood that I meant her no harm, and that I could be trusted and in that moment needed a little guidance or reassurance. As for Hunter, I think that he knew we were one in the same. He recognized that I could understand him. He trusted me, a complete stranger, when he normally doesn’t.

The relationship between humans and animals is a very powerful one. Humans and animals have the incredible ability to heal one another more than many therapies can offer. All of my animals are misfits, each one unique and maybe a little broken. But they have helped me heal more times than I could count. I get each and every one of them. I have helped them just as much, where others would have or had already given up on them. I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to recognize this ability and to use it to better not only the lives of other broken creatures, but to better myself as well.

We can all learn a lot from broken animals. We just have to take the time to appreciate and understand them so that we can also understand ourselves. After all, many of us are broken, too.

#bipolar #love #animals #dogs #life #life lessons #mental health #mental disorder #positivethinking #depression

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mariaarogue · 5 years ago

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Coronavirus and Estate Planning

During the COVID-19 pandemic, it may feel like there are few aspects of your life that you can control, beyond hand washing and social distancing. However, estate planning – which is more vital now than ever – can help you reclaim some control during these uncertain times.

Estate planning with 5 Points Probate involves the creation of three essential documents:

Power of attorney

Advanced directive for healthcare

Will

These documents are crucial if you should fall ill, and they can help ease the burden on your family during the worst-case scenario. This guide will explain why you need estate planning in light of the coronavirus, the benefits of setting up these documents, and how an attorney can help.

Estate Planning and COVID-19: What You Need to Know

Estate planning begins with a power of attorney and an advanced directive for healthcare. Together, these documents will serve a crucial role in the event you fall seriously ill. In the worst-case scenarios, a will can outline how your assets are to be distributed after you pass.

Let’s take a look at these documents in more detail:

What Is a Power of Attorney?

A power of attorney gives family and/or trusted acquaintances the legal right to make key financial decisions on your behalf. For example, let’s say you’re the head of your household, and your health has taken a turn for the worse. If you’re hospitalized or even put on a ventilator, your physical ability to access your finances and, perhaps, your mental capacity during this time may be severely affected. Meanwhile, the mortgage is still due, your business needs to be managed, and bills must be paid.

While you’re temporarily unavailable and/or incapacitated, who will take care of your business, pay your bills, or handle other financial obligations? With a power of attorney, you can choose a responsible person you trust to handle these affairs on your behalf.

A power of attorney can grant your family member or trusted friend access to your bank accounts to pay bills, manage the day-to-day affairs of your business, and act on your behalf in nearly any fiduciary capacity. This grant of authority is why it’s important to choose someone who you fully trust to make the best decisions on your behalf.

When choosing someone to serve as your power of attorney, they should be:

Someone with good attention to detail and capable of comprehending legal documents and contracts.

A person who is financially responsible and has a good understanding of business and finances.

Someone who is cooperative and willing to listen to the advice of attorneys or accountants, if needed.

What Is an Advanced Directive for Healthcare?

An advanced directive for healthcare is essentially a guide for first responders, healthcare workers and your loved ones regarding the kind of care you want to receive if you cannot make these decisions yourself. It is sometimes referred to as a “Living Will.”

An advanced directive for healthcare can also prevent your loved ones from having to make difficult decisions. For example, if you state that you do not want to receive life sustaining treatment, this personal choice can prevent situations that would otherwise cause undue stress for your family.

During the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, this document is more important than ever, especially for non-married couples. For instance, let’s say you have told your specific preferences for medical care to your significant other. If you are not legally married, your significant other will not be able to make medical decisions on your behalf. But with an advanced directive for healthcare, you can set out your wishes for medical care to act as a guide for healthcare workers, and specifically appoint your partner as healthcare proxy so that they legally have a say.

An advance healthcare directive may cover the following:

Whether you’d like to be put on life-support treatment, if needed. And if so, what kind and to what extent.

Your preference for certain medical treatments, such as ventilators and other devices to aid breathing, use of feeding tubes, dialysis, blood transfusions, surgery, antibiotics, and more.

Decisions regarding whether you will receive palliative care.

Whether you want a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order.

If you want any resuscitation efforts to be made in the event you stop breathing or your heart stops.

Whether you’d like to be an organ donor.

In addition to outlining your wishes for medical care, an advanced directive for healthcare also allows you to name a healthcare proxy to speak for you, if you are unable to communicate your preferences.

What Is a Will? Why Do I Need One?

A power of attorney and an advance healthcare directive can help you get the medical care you want, and ensure your financial affairs are in order if you’re incapacitated.

But what if the unthinkable occurs? While it’s difficult to think about, many people find that creating a will actually helps them feel more in control during these difficult times. In the event you pass, a will fully outlines how your assets are to be distributed.

You can also appoint an executor of your will. An executor is the person who oversees the distribution of your assets and any related matters in probate court.

A will can decide:

Who will be appointed as a guardian to care for your minor children or adult children with special needs. Without a will, the court will decide who will act as guardian.

The allocation of assets in trusts for minor children, adult children, other loved ones, or even cherished pets.

How your cash will be distributed, which includes liquid cash, money market accounts, checking accounts, savings accounts, and more.

How intangible property will be distributed, such as intellectual property, royalties, stocks, bonds, and business ownership.

The distribution of real estate and valuable objects, such as artwork and jewelry.

An attorney will help facilitate the process of creating your will, and you’ll have the peace of mind of knowing that a plan is in place.

Do You Need an Attorney to Help with Estate Planning During COVID-19?

It’s not mandatory to hire an attorney for estate planning. However, without legal experience, there are many parts of the estate planning process that you might miss. Proper estate planning with a seasoned local attorney can save your family a significant amount of money and time.

When you choose 5 Points Probate to handle your estate planning, you can expect:

Thorough Legal Services: It’s important to understand that proper estate planning encompasses more than just filling out forms. You may need help with titling vehicles and other assets, and naming beneficiaries. Our attorneys are Alabama natives licensed to practice law in or great state. They will ensure all loose ends are tied up, so you and your family don’t have to worry.

Expertise in Probate Law and Estate Planning: Our law firm has a dedicated Birmingham based legal team that handles estate planning and Alabama probate law. We have in-depth knowledge in these areas, and can navigate complicated probate matters, contested wills, and more. Whether you need help with your initial estate planning or your circumstances have changed since your last estate plan was made, we can help during every step of the process.

Superior Customer Service: From our support staff to our legal team, you can expect caring, local service customized to your needs. We will always take the time to listen to your concerns, and we will fully explain the estate planning process so you can make the best decisions for your future.

A Worry-Free Experience: We understand that estate planning can be a stressful process, and we value your time. This is why we’ve updated the process using technology to eliminate your worry and stress. We can use video conferencing and online collaboration if you prefer, so you can sign documents from the comfort of your own home.

Get Started With Estate Planning Today

The COVID-19 pandemic has left many of us feeling uncertain about the future. During these uncertain times, estate planning is one of the best ways to reclaim control and protect you and your family.

Estate planning can let healthcare workers know what kind of care you want in the event you are incapacitated. It can also ensure your financial affairs are properly managed, and that your assets are allocated according to your wishes, if needed.

Get started by scheduling a confidential consultation with one of our local attorneys at 5 Points Probate. Contact us today at (205) 235-9658.

We look forward to meeting you in our offices conveniently located in 5 Points South in Birmingham or on the internet. Stay safe and be well!

The post Coronavirus and Estate Planning appeared first on Five Points Law Group.

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amyjefries · 5 years ago