#geoff wigington one shot

[unholyverse]

waterparks // alternative press spring 2023

(full article text under the cut:)

TO THE MOON

With their new album INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, WATERPARKS are diving deeper than ever before. The result is an exorcism of deep trauma and the sweet afterglow of catharsis.

STORY: Alessandro DeCaro • PHOTOS: Jawn Rocha • Styling: Josh Madden

Between international flights, jet lag and no days off in between, it is a miracle that Awsten Knight isn’t face down in a pile of pillows. For the past two weeks, Knight and his band Waterparks have been head down in a run of massive shows throughout the U.K. supporting British rockers You Me At Six as well as a series of intimate appearances at record stores with some of the band’s most die-hard fans. It was a landmark run for a group who have hit the road relentlessly the past year-and-a-half, with sold-out North American and European headlining tours, a top slot at the 2022 Sad Summer Festival and even a “bucket list” opening slot for My Chemical Romance. Their latest milestone? They played to 10,000 people — their largest show in the U.K. region — at London’s historic Alexandra Palace. Exhaustion should be Knight's baseline, but instead, he's as chipper as ever when he hops on Zoom back home in Los Angeles. There's only one problem. The bandleader has been on vocal rest for days leading up to this very interview.

“Dude, my voice feels so shot,” Knight confesses from his living room couch. “We did 12 performances back to back, then combined with really short cut-up sleep on the flight, 1 just feel, ugh.” Sleep deprivation aside, Knight is almost at a loss for words (not from the vocal rest) but because the experimental pop trio he formed 12 years ago have unlocked another level of fandom where new listeners are still flocking by the droves. “It turns out there are a lot of people [in this world].” Knight quips, referring to his newfound fans. But in reality, global domination doesn’t really seem too far off.

Knight barely has time to slow down. The band are set to release their fifth studio album, INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY (out April 14 via Fueled By Ramen). But the self-professed workaholic has never known any other way. “It's a really hard mentality to shake,” Knight reveals. “When we were a local band, we didn't have any family connections in the music industry, and no one cared, so you had to take on every role. Even though we are not local anymore and get to play arenas with our favorite bands, if I'm not actively doing stuff to push the music, then I don’t know if anyone else will."

In some ways, Knight fears downtime or stillness because that's when he feels like his brain will start to turn on him. He admittedly functions better when he's working on something creative, whether that’s writing a new song or simply designing streetwear for his clothing brand hii-def. “It's not necessarily the most healthy thing in the long run, but people have worse coping mechanisms,” he laughs nervously.

But Waterparks remain his main focus. The trio, which initially formed in 2011, began to truly put the pieces together the following year when Knight enlisted his now-best friends, guitarist Geoff Wigington and drummer Otto Wood, to round out the lineup. “Otto loved classic rock and bands like La Dispute and Touché Amoré, whereas Geoff was all about EDM," Knight recalls. “We all had different tastes, but at the core of it, it's guitar and drums.” Their individual musical backgrounds helped craft the genre-less sound they have now cultivated.

"THE BIGGEST REASON I didn’t want that pop-punk label is that I know exactly what we are capable of." - AWSTEN KNIGHT

It wasn't until 2016 when Waterparks finally released their debut album, Double Dare — an intentional choice. “I always felt like if no one was looking at us, why put out a large body of work? I wanted to do cool shit as opposed to oversaturating and waiting until enough people [actually] wanted to hear it.” There is a common adage that you have your entire life to write your first record and six months to write your second, to which Knight agrees, and from there, the band began making records like clockwork.

With those albums came carefully curated eras — a moment in time with a clear aesthetic, theme and overall mission statement. While always writing music from a subversive and experimental perspective, it was when the band released both FANDOM (2019) and Greatest Hits (2021) that they began to stray from the confinement of genre and inaccurate labels. Knight himself spoke out vehemently about being boxed in by the term “pop punk. “I learned [during that time that] you can’t control everybody, and you can only frame the narrative so much,” Knight explains. “Obviously, we grew up loving and still loving blink-182, Green Day, Sum 41 and Good Charlotte, so it’s in our DNA to a degree, but I just don't want that label because it’s so synonymous with the past and what cynical dickheads or mega naysayers say is just for preteens and kids. However, the biggest reason I didn’t want that label is that I know [exactly] what we are capable of and what our output is.”

Take, for example, the breakbeat madness of the FANDOM single “Turbulent” or the distorted experimentation of “Numb” from Greatest Hits. Nothing is off the table for Waterparks. The group join a cohort of other trailblazing acts like Bring Me the Horizon and Paramore, who both successfully pivoted away from the late Warped Tour circuit in favor of mainstream appeal without losing any substance. “There's a song for everybody, and I once tweeted that anyone who doesn't like Waterparks just doesn't like Waterparks yet,” Knight says confidently.

If you have yet to be on board with the band's music, you've at the very least been entertained by — or seen — Knight's fiery social media presence.

It's undeniable that Waterparks’ meteoric rise has stemmed from the bandleader’s unofficial side hustle as a social media celebrity. And at times, his online presence can feel truly monolithic in scale, something Knight has attempted to analyze over the years in many songs, including the aptly titled “You'd Be Paranoid Too (If Everyone Was Out To Get You)" When asked if his status as an extremely online figure has influenced the band’s latest album, INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, Knight isn't entirely sure but reveals that he has had to set boundaries nonetheless, as someone who's regularly met with constant praise and vicious internet trolls. “I try not to let it influence things too much [lately], and with therapy, I've learned that you can only control yourself. However, that doesn’t mean I'm not still vulnerable in the music that I write.”

He tackles the subject on INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY with closer "A NIGHT OUT ON EARTH" and parts of the song “RITUAL,” where he recalls when he felt things were “caving in" around him due to the pressures of constant attention. “There are people who listen to Waterparks who aren't on Twitter. and then there are those who view the band in this bubble where it's just them and the people who reply to the tweets,” Knight resigns.

But beyond the topic of social media, Knight gets admittedly “introspective” on the record. When asked to discuss the overall lyrical themes and concepts behind INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, he takes a deep breath and delivers a warning: Things might get a little turbulent.

“There is a love story throughout the record that is expressive to and for other people, but the album itself has to do with overcoming, unlearning and growing past religious guilt,” Knight explains. “It's something that I've struggled with for a long time.” On “FUNERAL GREY," he delivers the punchy line “baptized in my spit,” which is a playful twist on a weighted subject. The theme of religious guilt doesn’t just apply to the overall lyrics of the record but also extends to the album's striking cover art, which at first glance appears to be an image of a blue frog over a red backdrop; in actuality, it possesses a much more poignant meaning.

“Frogs have always been one of my favorite animals,” Knight reflects. “However, when I learned that frogs were seen as dirty and unclean in a biblical context, it was interesting to me that something that I saw as so good, natural and beautiful could also be seen as a bad thing through a biblical lens.” In other words, the concept of shame plagued the charismatic bandleader for as long as he can remember, and INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY was the moment for Knight to finally face his trauma head-on and “come to terms with himself” once and for all. That explains why a majority of the new songs possess “hypersexualized” energy — a conscious rebellion against a conservative past. “Growing up in church, you're taught that everything is so wrong and bad. I always felt like shit, so [this album] is the breakaway from that specifically.”

By overcoming his religious guilt, Knight was able to tap into an evolved sense of self-worth that he’s since applied to his very own love life, which he details on the album's stripped-down ballad “CLOSER.” “My concept of love has changed throughout the years, and that song is about [looking at the past] and realizing that when I was younger, it was maybe more of an obsession. Now I'm taking it apart and learning more about love and the way I present the current version of myself to other people.” Inversely, there is the alt-radio-ready anthem “BRAINWASHED,” where Knight admits that he still wrestles with the idea of true love, constantly making sure that he’s not just wrapped up in the “honeymoon phase.” Knight jokes that this track and “FUCK ABOUT IT” which features a guest vocal spot from blackbear, are “polar opposites,” as the latter couldn't be further from the “hyperfixation” he details in “BRAINWASHED.," once again proving that he feels the most comfortable when inserting juxtaposition wherever he can.

"I've learned that you can ONLY CONTROL YOURSELF. However, that doesn’t mean I'm not still vulnerable in the music that I write." - AWSTEN KNIGHT

Beyond the emotional clarity that Knight gained during the creation of INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, it's the album's sonic risks and exploration that he is the most fired up about. Though Knight wanted the band to return to their more guitar-driven and organic roots for certain parts of the LP, much of the record ventures into eclectic territory, with hyperpop, trap, synthwave and even subtle elements of hard rock and nu metal. “RITUAL, ‘A NIGHT OUT ON EARTH, ‘REAL SUPER DARK’ and ‘ST*RFUCKER' are the craziest instrumentals we have done ever,” Knight exclaims. “I love the idea of taking something like a guitar or my voice and making it sound entirely like something else” “A NIGHT OUT ON EARTH,” however, is what Knight describes as “the biggest production flex,” and it most definitely shows. “There's fucking elephant sounds in there and weird Batman villain-sounding horns — it's evil and heavy, and not to mention, the outro is just game over,” he says.

Beyond production, Knight pushes his voice and stretches the idea of what constitutes a strong hook on INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY. With “END OF THE WATER (FEEL),” Knight is at his most “bombastic,” in a “cartoon-like” state, weaving falsetto melodies that are meant to shock. “I always make a mental note when I hear a song that makes me go…" He pauses, imitating an explosion. “For me, that's when I hear some high-ass vocals that I'm not expecting.” Even on the first day of demoing “END OF THE WATER (FEEL)” in his home studio, Knight was already so confident in the song that he called longtime producer and collaborator Zakk Cervini and “essentially” forced him to come over to his house right then to help finish it. “I also want the record to show that I had a mustache [during this time], too,” Knight laughs.

With collaboration on the brain, Knight is the first to admit that for many years, he was precious about his art and was hesitant to work with others. However, during the COVID-19 pandemic and quarantine, Knight changed his mind, which was evident on Waterparks’ previous album, Greatest Hits. This time around, Knight, who's an outspoken fan of the U.K. boy band One Direction, finally got a chance to live out one of his dreams by working with esteemed songwriter Julian Bunetta, who co-wrote beloved One Direction classics like “Olivia,” “Infinity” and “Best Song Ever,” among others. “I flew to [Julian's] place in Nashville, and we ended up making five songs together, two of them being ‘FUNERAL GREY" and ‘BRAINWASHED,” Knight recalls. And while he still plans to keep the majority of his music close to his chest long term, he won't rule anything out. Knight would undoubtedly jump at the chance to work with everyone from Post Malone and Damon Albarn to Donald Glover and Toby Keith.

"I'd rather make the coolest f*cking thing, RATHER THAN HOLD BACK and make something that wasn't that good." -AWSTEN KNIGHT

Now, with the band's new LP incoming, there raises the question: Does Knight feel a sense of relief after both exorcising his deepest traumas and inviting listeners on his journey to self- discovery? "I still feel pressure with it," Knight concedes. “It would be a lot easier if only strangers heard this, but everyone in my whole fucking life is going to hear this album, so that's what makes it strange." But he's never let any awkwardness or controversy hinder the artistic output. "I wasn't not in trouble when I put out a song like [2018's] 'TANTRUM' where I listed a bunch of dudes I wanted to kill, calling out by name," Knight acknowledges. Though his lyrical choices have sometimes resulted in strong reactions, even within his close circle of friends, Knight can't help but accept that he is meant to be unapologetic. "At the end of the day, I'd rather make the coolest fucking thing, rather than hold back and make something that wasn't that good."

Pressures of lyrical vulnerability and transparency aside, INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY is Knight's attempt to "normalize” the catharsis he finds within songwriting, which ties into the album title itself. "Intellectual property is the mental space you give to something in your head. The 'property' may be the thing that you are struggling with. By materializing it and giving it its own world, it's actually a great way to express it and then, eventually, expel it,” he explains. "I want this album to go to the fucking moon." ALT

[foliea]

Guess The Band - Awsten Knight Imagine

Pairing: Awsten Knight x Reader

Word Count: 919

Warnings: None, this is a super fluffy fic. There’s not even swearing.

Author’s note: I wanted to write something and I love Awsten so I thought why not. Video mentioned is this. Enjoy. Story starts in Awsten’s pov then switches every time there is a breaker ( looks like ---- ) so it goes, Awsten, reader, Awsten

“Can you give me like a 5,4,3- and then 2,1 is silent.” The boys laughed. “Hey, what’s up. My name is Awsten, and I sing and play guitar in a band name Waterparks. And we’re playing a game... For you.”

After I was finished drawing My Chemical Romance, Geoff stood up and I took his seat. “Oh this is a good one...” I heard him mutter.

Soon after Geoff started drawing a rectangle with a crossed out O in the center. “What the... Geoff what is this?”

“Oh! I know it.” Otto chuckled from beside me.

“What? How?”

“I mean it’s pretty obvious dude.” Otto looked towards the camera. “Can I help him?” 

The camera man nodded and Otto got up to help Geoff. They kept drawing random things like a roll of tape and a tombstone. “This isn’t fair, you both suck at drawing.” I pouted.

“Know you just suck at guessing.” Geoff retorted.

“Say it again and you’re out of the band.” I jokingly threatened.

“Here how about this.” Otto said as he drew a heart, then he started writing something inside it.

“Is that my name?” 

“Yeah, whose else would it be?” Geoff responded to my question.

I sat in silence for a bit, trying to think of who it could be. “Oh my god. I’m an idiot... The Internet Hates Us?”

“Yes!” The boys cheered. 

“Y/N’s gonna be disappointed in you. I mean it took you that long to guess her band.” Otto joked.

I smiled at the mention of my girlfriend. “Ooo are you blushing Awsten?” Geoff asked.

“No... Shut up... Geoff you’re out of the band.”

----

“Hey what’s up I’m Y/N from The Internet Hates Us, and we’re playing ‘Draw That Band’!” I smiled. “Okay let’s see.”

I looked down at the piece of paper and read what was on it, Neck Deep. I drew a squiggly line meant to represent water and a person from the neck up. 

“Neck Deep?” Codi asked.

“Mhm.” I smiled sitting down.

After a few more round Katie was up to draw. She smiled mischievously as she looked at the paper. She drew what appeared to be a person in a bathing suit and some weird shapes behind it.

“Dude what the eff is that?”

“No spoilers.” Katie laughed.

Soon everyone had understood what the drawing was, well except for me. “Here try this.”

Morgan drew a heart and started writing my name in it. “I have no clue- is... Is it Parx?”

They all nodded with smiles on their faces. “That took forever.”

“Awsten took longer to guess your band when they were here.” The camera man spoke up.

“Really?” 

----

I woke up to a knock on my apartment door. “Coming!”

I quickly pulled on a shirt and made my way to the door. Opening it I could see Y/N standing there. “Hey. Sorry it’s so early I just wanted to hang out since we haven’t in a few days.” 

I quietly pulled her into a hug, her frame fitting perfectly into mine. “It’s fine, but now you gotta cuddle with me.” I muttered into her hair. 

She let out a small giggle. “Okay, but you’re gonna have to let go so I can get to your room.”

“Nope.” And with that I picked her up, shut the door, and walked to the couch. I fell back onto it Y/N still in my arms.

“Awsten!” She squealed, shifting around to get more comfortable. “At least let me watch something since you’re falling asleep.”

I let go of her a bit so she could grab the remote. “Oh what’s this?” I hummed a bit to acknowledge I was listening. “Waterparks Guess That Band? I forgot you guys did one of these.”

My voice filled the room as I shifted a bit. “What the... Geoff what is this?” With those words the memories of what was coming next flooded my mind.

“Nope turn it off!” I jolted from my half sleep.

“What why?” Y/N said alarmed at my sudden loudness.

“Oh my god. I’m an idiot... The Internet Hates Us?” My voice rang from the TV. 

“It took a heart with your name in it to guess my band?”

I looked down in shame, nodding to answer. “I’m sorry, I’m just a sucky boyfriend I guess.”

“No Awst, you’re not a sucky boyfriend. I promise.” Y/N put her hands on each side of my face, lifting it up. “Here, this’ll cheer you up.”

She clicked on another video, I didn’t know which one until the intro was said. “Hey what’s up I’m Y/N from The Internet Hates Us, and we’re playing ‘Draw That Band’!”

We sat contently watching the video until Katie started drawing. I was confused on which band it was until she drew a heart with Y/N’s name in it. “Oh my god...” I mumbled.

“I have no clue- is... Is it Parx?” Y/N paused the video.

“See, you aren’t a sucky boyfriend cause I couldn’t guess your band either.” 

“Well maybe you’re just a sucky girlfriend.” I joked.

“Oh, you wanna go there?” She giggled. “I know where you sleep at night.”

“Is that so? I’ll just fly back to Texas.”

“I’ll still find you.”

We both laughed and laid back down on the couch. A new video was playing on the TV and Y/N was tightly pulled to my chest. “I love you, you know that? Sucky-ness and all.” I muttered into her hair.

“I love you too, Awst. Even your sucky-ness.”

[emilyblame]

Geoff & Otto

[filthyjanuary]

geoff wigington + snow globe

[awsteb]

waterparks [ dream boy ] icons ! ★

please like/rb if using - credit appreciated

[awsten-constantine]

(x)

[theghostofashton]

“don’t say that.”

yeah um. today sucked. this is major projection, based off a couple things i read on @bisexualgawsten (i made a post with screenshots if you want to see it. it’s the last thing i posted. but anyway yall should follow them if you don't lmao i have their notifs on bc i check their blog too many times a day to be considered healthy)

but yeah heavy depression and anxiety trigger warnings i'm sorry

Geoff's been gone for over three hours.

He said he'd be back in two. He said he was just going out with some old friends for dinner and he wouldn't be gone long. Have a couple beers, catch up, he'd be back before Awsten knew it- And Awsten swallowed hard at that part. He remembers how thick the saliva felt in his throat, sticky, clinging onto his windpipe as it slid downward and made a bed for the nausea to lay on.

He knows Geoff drinks. He's seen him drunk too many times to count. Even before they started dating, whenever they'd go out to parties or end up at the occasional bar, Geoff would get caught up in all the action and pressured into taking more shots than he planned to and end up completely inebriated. It's not new. It's not different. He's done it so many times before and everything's been fine.

It feels different tonight.

Tonight, there's a blurry fog over him, a permanent fixture of shower steam over his eyes. It's the kind of shower that doesn't feel cleansing. It's traveling in swirls up his back and each one peels back a layer from his chest, one by one until the only thing that's separating the wrecking ball from slamming into his heart are his ribs, shaking in his chest cavity as they try to hold themselves up.

The pain is a paintball that's long splattered. It coats the wall of his skull thickly, dripping down in a constant flow, like droplets collecting on the edges of a water bottle. There's always something there when the bottle is turned upside down, always one more droplet to fall and sink and absorb into his body to sprout a new pain plant.

Tonight makes every other bad night this week seem like heaven.

Tonight he thinks about everything, thinks back to the aching eyes and tearstained cheeks and crack that had formed in his heart, how it got bigger and bigger as more pain funneled in, filled it up until he felt like he was bursting. The ache was so big, it was so much – he didn't think it was possible for one human being, one body to hurt like this. Tonight he thinks about staring straight ahead, about the home he made amongst the tangled sheets and rumpled covers and damp pillowcases, about looking at the wall but not really seeing it. It was like the worst x-ray vision ever, being able to see through and inside and imagine, look through his life through that shower steam filter, like he was floating while everything else zoomed past.

Tonight he thinks about Geoff and how he's finally out of the house, out with his friends, out with people who don't have devastation and disappointment and depression. Tonight he's Geoff Wigington, who laughs obnoxiously at stupid jokes and drinks beer and lets no traces of it's gonna be okay, love. I'm here for you spill from his mouth. Tonight he's Geoff Wigington who doesn't have a useless sack of flesh waiting for him at home, Geoff Wigington who gets to be Geoff Wigington, gets to take a break from Awsten's Caretaker, for a night.

He knows Geoff is tired of it. He has to be. It's gotten particularly bad in the past few months. The experts say at least one depressive episode constitutes major depressive disorder. He's had two in the past month. Weeks straight of not being able to drag himself out of bed, not being able to get his ass up and go on any of the cute dates Geoff had planned, fly to LA to record songs, start working on ideas for the new music video...weeks straight of not being able to do anything except lay there and let the hornets drill into his bones until he was nothing but hollow, let them pierce his skin and settle themselves among the holes they've made. He was defenseless and he was invaded and they've spread like a disease.

It's been three hours and Geoff isn't back yet and his phone has lost ten percent battery in almost that amount of minutes from how many times he's checked it. It's been three hours and he doesn't know what's going on because Geoff is the type of person that texts him all the time, especially when he's like this. He can't lie back and stare at the wall unless he throws his phone on the floor because it's constantly lighting up with messages, 'I love yours' or cute selfies or teases of a surprise (usually food) Geoff's bringing home that night. Geoff's a great texter.

It's been three hours and Geoff isn't back yet and his phone has lost ten percent battery from how many times he's checked it.

What if he's gone-

"Stop." The word feels like knives cutting up his throat. He hasn't used his voice all day, feels like.

What if he left you-

"S-Shut up."

What if he finally had enough of your shit what if he's gone what if he left you what if he's done for good what if he's gone forever what if you were too much for him what if you were too much for him what if you were too fucking much for him-

"N-No!" He sits up with a start. The breaths are coming fast. Too fast. He can't keep up. They happen in quick succession. He presses the heels of his hands into the mattress and gasps his way through the series of pants.

He's gone he left you he had enough that's why he hasn't called that's why he hasn't texted that's why he isn't back yet he's gone he left you he's had enough you're too much for him too much too much too fucking much you drive everyone away you don't let anyone love you what the fuck is wrong with you why can't you let someone love you why do you have to be such a depressed piece of shit all the time-

He flops back down to the bed and turns his face into the pillows as the tears really start. They soak warmly against the fabric and move, slimy, against his face. He can't stop shaking. The room is spinning around him. It's the worst roller coaster ever and he wants to get off.

He bites his lip and tries to hold a sob back. It balls up at the exit of his mouth, sends out sparks and flames and ignites his entire body. He has no choice but to let it slip.

He wants Geoff. He needs Geoff. He needs the arms around his torso and the chest to bury his head into, the hands rubbing at his back and kisses against his temple. He needs Geoff's fingers buried in his hair, the rubs at his scalp that – on some days – are the only reason he gets to sleep, the scent that wraps around him, tendrils warming up every part of his body on the numb days. He needs Geoff he needs Geoff he needs Geoff-

He knows why. He gets it. He understands. Being with someone like him is like having a burden instead of a boyfriend. He's sad all the time and writes too many depressing lyrics and gets angry a lot and overreacts to everything; he never wants to leave the house and hates being social and gets anxious in the places there is absolutely nothing to be anxious about. Being with him is like dating the largest case file in the world. He's a sack of flesh with too many problems and a head that won't shut up and it annoys even him most days.

He doesn't blame Geoff.

He wouldn't want to be with him either.

...

He curses loudly as he drops his key, scrambles to grab it and press it into the lock once more.

He's never been in a traffic jam that bad. It was bumper to bumper with absolutely no movement – he probably could've gotten out of his car and walked home faster – and it went on for over three exits on the highway. The restaurant his friends chose was a fair drive; it wasn't too far, but it did involve getting onto the highway and driving for a bit. He thought they'd be done before the road started to get clogged, but to their luck, it ended up being the polar opposite.

He finally pushes the door open and steps inside, immediately reaches down to unlace and toe off his shoes. He hangs his jacket on their coatrack and unwraps the scarf from around his neck.

"Awsten? Sweetheart, hey, you still up?"

His heart is throbbing. It's pulsating new waves of pain by the second. The signal was so bad and the drive was so long and it seemed like everything that could go wrong did, a cocktail of consequences that culminated with him not being able to reach Awsten and tell him what was going on.

He hopes he didn't worry too much.

"Aws?" He lowers his voice in case Awsten is sleeping, walks through the apartment and into their shared bedroom. And then he stops.

He can hear it. Tiny whimpers and choked sobs are coming from their bed. The blankets are tangled and tossed together in a way that completely eclipses Awsten from view. All Geoff knows is that he's crying. "Fuck, sunshine, what's wrong?"

The next few moments unfold so fast that he barely registers them.

Awsten practically falls out of bed and runs the short distance to connect them, jumps up – and Geoff thanks whoever is up there at this very moment for his quick reflexes – and into his arms. He buries his face in his shoulder and wraps his legs around his waist with a gasping sob, and then he's crying again.

And Geoff's own heart feels like Awsten just took a hammer and smashed it to smithereens. He rubs Awsten's back and holds him tightly. "Easy, easy love. You're okay. Try to breathe. Whatever's wrong, we can fix it, I promise."

He lets Awsten down a couple seconds later, but takes him into his arms as soon as his feet touch the ground. Awsten wraps his arms around his neck and he moves his to Awsten's waist, bringing him as close as physically possible without completely crushing him. "I'm here, I'm right here, angel. What happened? Talk to me. What's got you this upset?"

Awsten doesn't answer. He moves one hand up to his back, just below the blades of his shoulders, and starts to rub. Awsten's hair is tickling his nose and poking at the corners of his mouth and he puckers his lips, pressing a kiss to the soft strands. "I can't help you if I don't know, love. What happened?"

"I-I-" Awsten hiccups and lifts his face to meet his eyes. "I thought you left."

"Left?" If this is going where he thinks it is...

"Me," Awsten spits out. "You said two hours and then it was three and you wouldn't answer and you didn't text me like you always do and I just- thought you didn't want me anymore." He pauses. His voice is choked. "That you'd finally given up on me?" He phrases it as a question and goes silent afterward, stares up at Geoff with his bloodshot eyes and wet cheeks and quivering lip.

"Awsten..." He trails off with a shake of his head. He knew. He knew this would happen. He knows Awsten's anxiety too well for him to not have seen this. He knew Awsten would worry, he knew that his mind doesn't do well with worry and skyrockets things with completely plausible explanations to mythological heights. He pulls his hand from Awsten's back and moves both to cup his cheeks, to keep Awsten looking him in the eye. "Sunshine, I would never. I love you, okay? I love you with everything in my heart. You're the love of my life. I would never leave you. I never want to." He takes a breath and rubs his fingers along Awsten's jawbones. "I'm not going anywhere. You'll always have me, I promise."

"I just- you didn't- you usually, I-" Awsten stammers. "I'm sorry."

"We finished in two hours," he explains. "And then I hit so much traffic on the way back, angel, I promise I would've texted you if I could. But my phone didn't have signal because it was a dead zone and it was bumper to bumper for three exits straight. It was a mess. I promise you, swear on my life, I would've texted you if I could."

He knows what Awsten needs. He's been doing this long enough to memorize it. No amount of reassurance is enough for someone with depression. The disorder is like a monster perched on your shoulder, digging its claws into skin and pressing its words into brain, he doesn't love you he wants to leave you he already left you you don't deserve him. He knows that no matter how many times he says some things, Awsten may never believe him. He's okay with that. He'll keep saying it until it happens.

He feels the arms around his front again. Awsten presses his cheek against his chest with a whimper of finality. "I'm sorry...I just- I didn't hear from you and I assumed- fuck I'm so stupid, I'm sorry."

"Hey." He pushes Awsten back to hold him at arm's length. "Nothing about you is stupid, okay? This was just a shitty miscommunication. I love you, with all my heart. That's never going to change. I'm never going to leave you. I want you, for the rest of my life. Don't forget that."

"I just- sometimes it feels like too much," Awsten says. "Like I'm too much. And I don't want you to feel like you have to. Take care of me, yknow? 'Cause you don't. And if it ever does get to be too much...you can leave. Don't feel like you havta stay 'cause I won't be okay if you leave. I mean, I won't, but...don't let that keep you here-"

"Sunshine, stop, don't say that." He cuts Awsten off and tangles a hand through his hair. "You are not too much, okay? That's such a bullshit concept. You will never be too much. You have depression and some days are worse than others and sometimes they're all in a row, but that's part of it, love. You know that and I know that. You can't control this. You didn't ask for it. It sucks and I hate seeing you in pain, but if you think I'm going to leave you over it..."

"I just- don't you want someone easy? Someone that doesn't take this much work?" All that's left of his heart is dust. He hates hearing Awsten talk about himself like this; like he's a problem over a person. He hates knowing that this beautiful, radiant, big-hearted angel thinks so little of himself, because Awsten is just that. Beautiful. Radiant. Possessing a heart that barely fits in his body.

"I want you," he murmurs. He tilts Awsten's chin and presses their lips together. "Okay? You are all I want, for the rest of my life."

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been surer about anything."

[abigail-mcnatt-photography]

Been awhile since I was able to shoot a show. This time, I got to shoot my first show for Pittsburgh Music Magazine and it was such a cool opportunity. 2 years ago I would never have imagined I’d be here; same venue, same band, but feet from them shooting their show. All Time Low has been one of my all-time (lawlz) favorite bands for several years now so this opportunity was incredible. This post is not going to go in depth, as the bulk of my show review is available in Pittsburgh Music Magazine (read here) Now, without further ado, here is my overview of the show.

The Young Renegades Tour began mid-June and made its stop in Pittsburgh on July 25th to further promote All Time Low’s newest album Last Young Renegade (which is awesome by the way). Accompanying them on the tour were 3 semi-popular bands from all over the country; The Wrecks, Waterparks, and SWMRS.

First up was indie-rock band, The Wrecks. Their set had fans’, already high level of adrenaline, through the roof. Many fans located in the front rows, were screaming each and every lyric with their wide eyes fixated on the band members. Overall, they had a pretty fun, upbeat set.

The next band to come out on stage was Waterparks, a name I was previously familiar with, being so ingrained into the world of smaller bands. Pop-punk in sound, they worked the stage very well and connected with the crowd extremely well. Guitarist, Geoff Wigington, even went on the big side speakers, playing closer to the fans. They were such a fan favorite and had a great set overall.

Lastly, before the main event of course, was pop-punk band, SWMRS. They had quite an interesting set… lol. Lead singer, Cole Becker, came out wearing a polka dot dress, so it was weird from the get-go. BUT it was awesome for my photos because it created some crazy cool shots. Jack Barakat, of ATL, amped up the crowd more for their set by accompanying SWMRS for their first song. Despite putting on a weird set, they were awesome and very much so enjoyable.

And now here we are; the part of my post where I talk about the real reason I was shooting this show… All Time Low. As previously mentioned, 2 years ago, I attended their Future Hearts Tour stop in Pittsburgh and remember thinking about how cool it would be to truly take pictures of them, not with just with my little Lumix digital camera, lol. Little did I know I’d be here telling the world how awesome of an experience that was. As the lights went low and the background music blared, fans went wild awaiting the first glimpse of the Baltimore natives. I even found my own heart skip a beat seeing their bodies show up in their rightful positions on stage. The lights came on and I swear the ground shook from the bursts of excitement. They began the show, strong, with “Last Young Renegade”, my favorite song off of the new album. The fans, including myself, screamed every word. A couple songs later and after Jack threw some salt at the Pittsburgh Steelers, they played a couple oldies and some more recently released songs, before pulling the heart strings of the entire crowd. Playing “Missing You”, a song about fighting depression and anxiety, struck tears from most of the eyes glued to the stage. They then lightened the mood with a couple upbeat tunes before making the crowd emotional again. All band members left the stage, leaving Alex Gaskarth accompanied by his guitar. He serenaded the crowd with “Therapy”, another tune about depression and the constant battle that is life. Guarantee that there was plenty of ugly crying, seeing as though it’s a song that more than likely got a lot of people there through a lot of shit in their lives. Following this, they played a couple more upbeat songs, old and new, before bringing about 15-20 fans on stage during “Time-Bomb”. Fans sang along with their favorite band on stage and pumped up the crowd. What a cool opportunity and certainly a dream come true. They continued with “Good Times” before ‘ending’ the show. As if it wasn’t expected, after fans screamed their name, they came back on stage to do 3 more songs. They ended the night with the ever so popular, “Dear Maria Count Me In”, which if you don’t know it, you live under a rock. My boyfriend was even picking me up from the show and texted the lyrics to me in all caps, lol.

What an absolutely unforgettable night. You can read my full review in Pittsburgh Music Magazine (here)! As always, my favorites from each band, are showcased at the bottom of this post and the rest can be seen here!

Let me know what you all think of the photos/review, my article in PMM, or even All Time Low and their new album! Feel free to share this on all social medias too.

    The Wrecks

The Wrecks

The Wrecks

The Wrecks

The Wrecks

The Wrecks

The Wrecks

The Wrecks

The Wrecks

The Wrecks

The Wrecks

Waterparks

Waterparks

The Wrecks

The Wrecks

Waterparks

The Wrecks

Waterparks

Waterparks

Waterparks

Waterparks

Waterparks

Waterparks

Waterparks

Waterparks

Waterparks

Waterparks

SWMRS

SWMRS

Waterparks

Waterparks

Jack (ATL) playing w/ SWMRS

SWMRS

Waterparks

Waterparks

SWMRS

Waterparks

Waterparks

SWMRS

SWMRS

Waterparks

SWMRS

SWMRS

SWMRS

SWMRS

All Time Low

Waterparks

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

SWMRS

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

Jack (ATL) playing w/ SWMRS

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

SWMRS

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time LowAll Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low

All Time Low – Young Renegades Tour 2017 Been awhile since I was able to shoot a show. This time, I got to shoot my first show for…

[antipositivity]

Matthew Knight

Veterinarian of Apex

i’ll be your optimistic black hole

Name - Matthew ‘Matt’ Knight

Age - 28 years

Gender - Male

Rank - Veterinarian 

Sexuality - Bisexual

Face-claim - Geoff Wigington

Personality

Matt is a rather quiet individual. He enjoys listening and watching more than actually talking. That is until he becomes more acquainted with someone. The more he knows the person, the better he is at talking and the bubbly side of his personality comes out. Despite coming off as someone who enjoys being alone more than hanging out around others, he very much enjoys the company of others. 

His bubbly side only shows when he’s by himself or around those he trusts a fair bit. This can span from anywhere between laughs or a Matt who could bounce off walls. It simply depends on the day and what or who caused the bubbly mood.

He is extremely determined to help and keep the currently healthy animals as such and help out the less fortunate ones. No matter the risk. If he had to dive head first into a pit of snakes to get a dog, then so be it. If he got shot, he’d still do whatever he could to help the animal. It’s definitely classified as a fault and he knows it. He wants to work past it but it’s proven to be difficult. 

Appearance

Standing at roughly 6 feet tall, Matt is classified as just above the average height of a man. He also has a fairly slim stature and due to both that and his height, he gets called a beam pole a fair bit.

Brown hair and blue eyes make up his face. He also has a nose ring and can be seen wearing his triforce necklace. He’s deeply connected with it as TLoZ is something he’s loved since he was just a child. He refuses to take it off.

Voice

Geoff Wigington

History

Growing up just outside of Houston, Texas, he was used to how the south ran and worked. Though around the age of eight his father got a job opportunity in Pennsylvania, causing the family to have to move to the state. It was a learning curve for Matt on how different things were and how to make friends all over again. By the time he hit high school, he had merged himself into a loyal group of friends and also the school band as he found his love with the guitar. He also found himself having a girlfriend, which didn’t work out, and a boyfriend, which also didn’t work out. Due to his love of animals, he applied to veterinary school after graduating. Accepted, he worked hard until graduating from that school. Working in a vet hospital, he found himself a partner and worked alongside them for a few years until the outbreak occurred. They got bit by an infected dog and it didn’t end well. Now, he’s more determined to keep animals safe and work to find a cure for other animals

Fears

crowds 

the apex

loud noises

Likes & Dislikes

likes - music, animals, helping others, snow

dislikes - loud noises, ignorance, major social situations

Family

Immediate

Parents - Sharon & Michael Knight

Sister - Grace Knight

Partner - N/A

Children - N/A

Relations

Adelaide - 4/10 - He just met her so a strong opinion isn’t formed yet but she seems to be an okay person. Perhaps a friendship could form with more time spent together.

Name - -/10 - words here

[kal-thas]

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: waterparks - Fandom, Waterparks (Band) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Awsten Knight/Geoff Wigington, Awsten Knight/Patty Walters, Awsten Knight/Jawn Rocha, Awsten Knight/Travis Riddle, Awsten Knight/Otto Wood Characters: Awsten Knight, Otto Wood, Geoff Wigington, Jawn Rocha, Ciara Hanna, Travis Riddle, Rob Damiani, Carter Hardin, Grace Rountree, Michaela Okland Additional Tags: It's a Gawsten but all the other pairings happen for plot, There's gonna be some smut at some point, Also there's a lot of jokes about death?, Lowkey it's a start off hate fic, I didn't mean for this to happen Summary:

“Game over? Continue?” He set the flowers atop the grave and immediately dug through his pockets. He plucked a penny out of his pocket and inserted it into the slot on the grave without a second thought. He heard an 8-bit version of a song he couldn't quite place when before his eyes, a boy appeared in front of him. His hair was a deep brown and longer than most boys -it was shaggy and a bit of a mess- but what caught the pastel boy's eye was the shade of cerulean that his eyes were.

“You fucking idiot. Everybody knows you're supposed to put in quarters! A penny wo-”

As quickly as the boy appeared in front of him, he vanished. The lavender haired boy blinked repeatedly, turned on his heels and ran out of the cemetery. He wasn't sure entirely what had just happened but he was freaked out. In all the times he had gone to visit graves, nothing like that had every happened to him. Had he imagined the taller boy? He heard his voice clear as day. "You fucking idiot. Everybody knows you're supposed to put in quarters!" He had never been one to play arcade games. His eyes shot across the street to a dimly lit 7-11 as he ran across the almost empty street and into the store.

“I need change."

[theghostofashton]

“you meant too much to me.”

i literally spent all day on this bc i’m so sick and feel like death and could not concentrate so sorry if it’s not up to my usual quality of writing i tried

9. “You meant too much to me.”

“Hey, where’s Knight?”

“He’s not here today.”

“Really?”

“Maybe he finally killed himself.”

“If fuckin’ only.”

“What?”

“Wigington wouldn’t be here if the twink shot himself.”

Geoff grits his teeth. He digs his fingernails into his palms, further and further until the skin starts to break. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to breathe, tries to remember they just wanna reaction, Geoff. Don’t give them one. I don’t care what they say about me. About us. We’re beautiful and their garbage opinions don’t change that.

“He’d probably kill himself too.”

“The Romeo and Juliet story no one gives a shit about.”

He blinks. He feels hot. It feels like everything is red, wherever he looks, whatever he touches, it all feels red hot it’s everywhere it’s suffocating him hot and red hot and red hot and red he can’t breathe.

No one talks about Awsten like that no one talks about his life his love his sun and stars his entire world like that no one talks about him like that noonenoonenoone.

He doesn’t register what happens after that. It’s like he’s in a trance. It doesn’t feel real.

He doesn’t remember standing up and walking over to them he doesn’t remember anything except the yelling and the crack of his knuckles and the pain the oh my god what did you just do you’re so stupid what the fuck is wrong with you what is Awsten gonna say oh my god.

What is Awsten gonna say.

…

“What the hell did you do?”

Geoff lifts his head with a wince. He brings his bandaged hand to his chest and pulls his lip in with his teeth. Awsten’s yelling could be heard from down the hall, where the fuck is my boyfriend I don’t care about your shitty ass rules take me to him I need to see him right fucking now I’m fucking serious where is he I need to see him, raspy and hoarse. He brings his shoulders closer into his body and drops his gaze to the floor. Awsten stayed home because he was sick, to avoid stress. This is exactly what he doesn’t need right now.

Awsten’s cheeks are pink and the skin around his nose is red. His hair is messy and he’s wearing his glasses. Even so, Geoff can see that his eyes are bloodshot and inked with purple.

Awsten takes a few steps forward until he’s standing directly in front of him. He inches even closer, letting his hip brush against Geoff’s knee. “Can- Can I?”

Geoff swallows and stretches out his hand. His teeth sink further into his lip as Awsten turns his hand over in both of his. He doesn’t speak for a while. And when he finally does, the “why?” is barely audible.

“They were just.” He pauses. Tears are beginning to form a shield over his eyes. It’s like droplets on a penny, how many will his eyes hold before the dam bursts and he’s just openly sobbing. “The things they were sayin’ about you,” he says thickly. He tugs his arm back and reaches for Awsten’s hands. “I couldn’t- couldn’t let them get away with that. You meant too much to me.”

“I don’t care what they were saying about me.” Awsten’s voice sounds firm with a hint of softness, gentle, but still trying to make a point. “I care about you, Geoff. And you didn’t have to break your knuckle over people who don’t mean shit.”

“I can’t.” That’s the breaking point. Tears start to pour down his cheeks, dripping down his chin and clinging to his neck. He pulls his hands away from Awsten and uses his good one to cover his face. The skin gets quickly saturated with liquid and starts to slip off. “I-I-”

“Breathe.” Awsten’s voice sounds different. The slight husk is foreign. Geoff feels the exam bed give underneath him as Awsten climbs on. He leans into the arm Awsten wraps around his shoulders and presses into his side, pillowing his head on Awsten’s shoulder with his eyes squeezed shut. “It’s okay. You’re okay. Everything’s okay.”

“God, I just.” He rubs at his eyes helplessly. He turns to look at Awsten and reaches out with a clammy hand to cup his cheek. “You’re the love of my life, Aws. You’re my world. My other half. And when someone- when they say those things they just.” He swallows again. The lump in his throat is throbbing. “It would’ve hurt less if they’d said them about me.”

“I love you,” Awsten says. “And I know you always wanna protect me, but…people are shitty, Gee. The world is shitty. It sucks. You can’t protect me from everything and that’s okay. You don’t have to.” Geoff watches as he lifts his bandaged hand again and brings it to his lips. “One day we’ll be outta here livin’ our dreams and they’ll be working at gas stations and hatin’ their lives. We’ll come back for our reunion and laugh so hard. But we gotta make it outta here first.” He sighs. “You can’t hit every asshole that says something mean about me, Geoff.”

“I know,” Geoff mumbles. “But I wish I could. I’d do more than hit them.”

“You have a broken and a sprained thumb and you’d do this again?”

Geoff slips out from under Awsten’s arm and wraps his own arm around Awsten’s shoulders, and pulls him into his chest. “For you, I’d do it a thousand times. And then some.”

“I love you,” Awsten murmurs. He lifts his head and Geoff leans in to kiss him. Awsten breaks the kiss after only a couple seconds, head flopping back down against Geoff’s shoulder. Geoff brushes his lips against Awsten’s forehead and winces. “You still have a fever, love.”

“I feel like death,” Awsten whines. “I take one day off and you get yourself in the hospital. Figures.”

“Take a nap, angel.” Geoff kisses his hair and tightens his arms around his shoulders. “I’ll wake you when I get my discharge papers.”

“Better not wake up to ‘nother call ‘bout you bein’ in the hospital.” Awsten’s words are slurring together. He’s already starting to fall asleep. Geoff smiles and adjusts his body, pulling him onto his lap so Awsten can pillow his head on his chest.

The pain in his hand has only increased with the moving around and constant contact, and it’s going to be hell for the next few weeks, but this moment, holding his entire world in his arms…

This makes it worth it.