#genuinely very curious if you'd like to say something! a lot of people/mutuals I know have very different interests from me

[shovson]

wawawawawa why do you follow me?

[boyfridged]

What do you think of a storyline wherein Jason stays with Talia and works under her instead of going back to Gotham as Red Hood? I was really interested in their dynamic (minus that one scene from Lost Days) and wanted to see more of it. I think if they pushed for the Son of the Demon storyline, Talia's longing for her son could be a good premise for her further involvement with Jason's story. They'd still retain that same mutually beneficial relationship, but now in the sense of a mother gaining a son, and a son finally having a mother. Though I wonder if Jason would be amicable to work under the League.

And what are your thoughts about Jason and Damian's relationship in general? Tbh I'm a huge fan of the concept of Damian growing up with Jason at his side like the one from Young Justice. I think these two's dynamic is severely underused in the comics so I'm curious how you'd tackle writing them.

oh i have news for you.

and a very long proper answer under the cut (with some additional criticism of talia’s portrayal in the lost days in general.) 

i have to start with a preamble: this is a sentiment that i hear a lot, but i don’t agree that talia & jason’s relationship in the lost days is well written for the most part (even if we exclude the last couple of pages). the beginnings are strong and would go well with the general premise of it happening after son of the demon, i agree. still, what follows once jason regains his cognitive prowess after the pit is… questionable at best.

tldr: i genuinely fail to see any reason for which talia as we know her until now would enable jason to such an extent. i know that people usually go for explaining it by virtue of her actually trying to steer him away from gotham; or that she perhaps knows that it would be easy to lose jason’s trust at this point. you could also maybe argue that she wants to support him in his… autonomy? 

still. with who talia is at her core (or who she was… before 9/11 and all the following mischaracterisation. excluding lexcorp era of course, lexcorp era my beloved) she would simply not stand for the invention of the red hood, for soo many reasons. most notably because killing for her is not dogmatic; it’s a dirty job that she might have to engage once in a while, or something she will do in a spur of a moment to protect someone; but she doesn’t think it’s an ultimate solution to anything. and jason’s modus operandi as the red hood is based on the opposite idea.

also, if we’re going the route established by son of the demon; i don’t even think talia would want to grant him that kind of training knowing the state jason is in. maybe if there’s no other option; maybe as a gesture of love to ensure he can protect himself; but as i said before, she does not believe there’s anything particularly noble in being deadly. and i’d say she would believe that jay, being a child, should not be in this position. if we conceive it all as a situation in which there’s really little other choice – okay, let’s say she provides him with teachers. but to provide him with that many resources for a mission that is very much suicidal…? why would she do that.

she has so much to offer jay. i talked about it here, but i think it is that she does not believe in absolutes that she could teach him. it’s her relentless strive for freedom and the way she manages to build her identity (largely. not completely, because that’s impossible) outside of the influences of her father and batman. and it’s not merely a compromise nor a contrarian to their stance; it’s her own way of seeking justice.

anyway. so you ask about jason working under talia. i think talia would want jason to have something else; something new. still, given the circumstances and jay’s own will, it could be the best option for them to remain together for a while, and i don’t doubt they would form a familiar relationship (which is also very appealing to me because it's a kind of chosen family trope that i enjoy in the title in general; this is also how i see dick & jay's relationship: they both have an initial link to bruce, but it's their own decision that makes them care for one another.) and occasionally team up. except in this vision i would still like to think that talia would respect him and his autonomy enough that it would be more of a partnership. 

the question of whether jason would want to remain in the league is a whole different question to me since such a huge part of talia’s development is that she wants an out. so in my mind, if they’re in the league together, talia does not have much control over the situation herself and she is mainly protecting him doing her best to make sure that jason is not indoctrinated.

because i do think that despite jay’s brightness, will and distaste for authority, he could get indoctrinated. this is how cults work after all; everyone can fall in as long as they are suitably isolated and “broken” by methods such as lack of sleep. they also tend to coerce the subject of the brainwashing into thinking that they are the ones “taking control” in their lives, which jay is desperately looking for. and jason is also searching for something radical, no matter how terrifying and unreasonable it is. howbeit, it's not all that interesting storyline to tell; i like to think he gets dangerously close to it, but never quite completely broken. and i think a huge part for why he manages to stay out of it should be talia.

there are some other versions of the story possible wherein making him stay in loa for a time would make sense; if talia’s and damian are there, then he could stay for their sake. or perhaps in order to get further resources and contacts for his mission, using it for his own advantage.

and since i mentioned damian here: well- i’m not a huge fan of canon damian. or, let me reiterate; he does induce my sympathy and i like him personality-wise, but he’s also such a huge catalyst for character assassination of everyone involved: talia, bruce— that i find it very difficult to enjoy any story with him in the centre. the only possible way to preserve his his canon backstory without it happening is, i think, if talia was not aware he was in the league at all (here following the premise of her giving the child away at birth.) i still think that when possible, jay should be shown to care about him, primarily because damian's a kid and i can't possibly express how much i hate content in which jason is cruel to children.

and i do enjoy playing around with what-ifs concerning these 3 characters. i actually have 2 more wips about them… one inspired by mother (2023) which is a remarkably bad movie but did inspire me to write a story in which damian got adopted and only after 13 years talia has to get involved as he is in danger (it’s also a story in which talia is working on dismantling the league. and jason shows up for a while.) and another one in which they all live together during lexcorp era. 

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

i had sex for the first time and it was kind of a horrible experience. i was checking out a bdsm club for the first time and a man in his 50s invited me to check out a different (sex) club the next day and bc i genuinely, idiotically thought he just wanted to introduce me to the scene and show me around i went. at the club he bought me a couple drinks, we talked and then he took me to a private room and went down on me. i didnt say no bc i was drunk and curious, and im bad at saying no to people in general. i thought maybe it would be fun. i wasnt into it at all but felt too bad to let him know. i faked an orgasm and left after a while. as we parted he kissed my cheek and said he hopes we can be friends. drunk me told him of course we could. the next morning i was hit with the worst wave of self loathing ive ever felt in my life, as well as just general disgust and regret. i cannot believe my first time was with an old man i feel zero attraction to. i already knew im probably a lesbian, but still i keep trying to be with men and i dont know why. i guess my question is do you have advice on how to get over a sexual experience you regret? how do i come to terms with the fact that my first time was with someone i feel grossed out just thinking about? and was i taken advantage of? im in my early 20s, he didnt know i was a virgin (i active implied that im not), and i know if i had said no he wouldve stopped. i wasnt falling down drunk or anything. he didnt really do anything wrong. i feel so stupid and ashamed of myself. i just wish my first time had been with a woman. i wish i hadnt been so naive and stupid and i wish i hadnt gotten drunk. i know its not true but i feel like no woman will ever want me now. i cant even masturbate bc the idea of doing something sexual, even just alone, reminds me of him and what i let him do to me. how do i move on from this?

hi anon,

I'm deeply sorry that this happened to you.

in this case, I would say the way to make peace with a sexual experience you regret is to understand that you aren't responsible for what was done to you.

to answer your question - yes, you were absolutely taken advantage of, and this person very much did do something wrong! quite a lot of somethings! he made the choice to lure someone younger and less knowledgeable to a secondary location you weren't familiar with, get you drunk, isolate you, and pressure you into sex that you didn't give enthusiastic consent to. all of that is CLASSIC predatory, manipulative behavior and reflects on him - not you.

you mentioned that you feel stupid; PLEASE don't. people are pressured into unpleasant sex all the time, very often in the exact same way you were: being entrapped in a situation where going along with it was easier than saying no. it's vile! and none of those people are at fault!

listen: you need to be on your side about this. would you tell anyone else who experienced this that they're stupid and naive? I hope not. I really hope you can find the compassion you'd extend to any other friend in this situation to yourself, because you're going to be the #1 person getting yourself through this.

feeling bad and gross about what happened is fine; what happened was bad and gross. please let those feelings happen and care for yourself while they do, because those feelings need to be felt! just be conscientious about which feelings you're indulging. it's fine to feel betrayed, violated, regretful, angry, sad, even to mourn for a better first sexual experience you could have had! just make sure to gently nudge yourself back if those feelings start veering into the realm of feeling guilty or responsible for the situation. not only is it unhelpful, it's not even true!

it's very sad that your first sexual experience was with someone you didn't want who treated you the way he did. in the future, when you're ready, I hope you'll be able to pursue healthier, mutually pleasurable experiences on your own terms. don't rush yourself to get back to any kind of sexuality, masturbation included - a good long break while you sort through your feelings may be very needed. there's no timeline you need to be on to recover from this; please don't get down on yourself for taking the time and space you need. if you don't have anyone in person you feel able to talk with, looking up online support and resources for people who have experienced sexual assault may be beneficial.

also, hey, please don't play the game of trying to say you don't belong in survivor spaces or how this wasn't an assault because your belief that he would have stopped if you'd told him to (a very generous assumption!) or because you led him to believe you had more sexual experience or it could have been worse or whatever. the feelings you're experience in the aftermath are textbook of assault survivors; that means the resources are for you!

also hey. listen to me. look at me. if any woman tries to tell you that you are less worthy of lesbian love and companionship because you have had sex with a man. ESPECIALLY a man who was taking advantage of you. you are going to send me their address and I will personally attack them with a baseball bat.

[hikarinokusari]

Passing this along because I'm genuinely curious.

Hello there! You've been tagged! You don't have to do anything if you don't want to, but if you'd like, list 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! Learn to know your mutuals and followers! 💖💖💖

Hi, thanks for ask ! 1 / My sister. It's not a what, but knowing she's here is enough to make me happy. ( I'll put close family in the same point, but my sister comes 1st :'D ).

2/ Pets and animals in general. I like animals a lot, learning about them or seeing them makes me happy. My own pets are rays of sunshine every day. They don't know how precious they are.

3/ Gaming as a whole. Roleplaying, board games, video games... I find a lot of joy in them (RPG especially). Currently, I find joy in TTRPGs and GMing. It's fun times. I love collaboring with others when I feel invited and safe to share without being put aside or ignored. TTRPG gives me that. I get to create and tell a story with others or participate and tell a story with other players in another GM's sandbox. It's really nice and fuels me with positive energy.

4/ The disney animated movie Hercules somehow. It's my comfort movie since I'm a kid and it never missed to improve my mood !

5/ Creating art for others somehow. I am usually inspired by other people's stories or characters. Participating in Artfight for example is a pleasure. Collaborative art as well ! I like to do trades, or gifts, or participating in a project with others. Seeing something you created comes to life ( or created by others ! ) is a very special feeling. It sparks joy to me. It can allow for meeting new people, despite language barriers or different cultures. It can help bringing people together and find friends maybe. Or learning about new things. Art is wonderful. have a soft spot for the gloomy art and dark subjects. I should just say art in general. I love seeing art, sharing art, hearing about new form of arts. Discuting about art. Telling people I like their art. Art in general is a field that makes me happy. I feel thankful for artist to exist.

I've listed things that are so general and basic, I'm so sorry n_n

[im-a-chunky-potato]

I think you're

A kid

chuuya coded /j. you're very sigma + atsushi coded. plus a little dab of chemical X (nikolai humor as per your own words)

very nice. I saw you reblogging someone's post and leaving rlly kind/encouraging words in the tags.

fun to talk to, funny, kind, genuine potato 🥔

I think you really like mashed potatoes 🤭

You remind me of my other friend named Julienne 😭 (I swear if it turns out you're her, im gonna kms /j)

You've got artistic potential ✨

Kinda scared that you're the type to keep it to yourself if something bothers you (its cause of my other friend, sorry 😭) <<< if something bothers you, let them know, ayt? Your feelings matter lmao. Your feelings COME FIRST.

I hope you have fun and good friends at school/work cause you deserve it 💅💖

you've carry the group projects 💅 (usually the vice leader if not the actual leader. That OR you're a really helpful member who makes sure to contribute)

go finish that sigma rabbit analysis lmao. 🐰🐰🐰 /j

I think you're very rabbit coded too (in a way. Not going to elaborate lol.)

I'll never get over the fact that you compared yourself to a kid with a leash 😭😭

xoxo,

your secret admirer 😏

(̶J̶K̶ P̶L̶S̶ D̶O̶N̶T̶ C̶A̶L̶L̶ T̶H̶E̶ C̶O̶P̶S̶)̶

...WHY ON EARTH DID YOU WRITE AN ENTIRE ESSAY'S WORTH OF THINGS ABOUT ME. Actually, I'm flattered but also confused about the amount of effort you put into this.

Technically you are correct, but I will still fight you on this >:(

Htgsgs how dare you say that🐕.Yeah, I'm the Atsushi type heh!

You'd be right! To quote the wonderful Vash the Stampede- love and peace ✌️! I just like knowing I made someone smile or a bit happier<3

...I swear you're trying to kill me. But thank you! I'm surprised this name has stuck and just became my thing but it's kind of cool🥔 I hope all of my mutuals can never see potatoes the same again.

Htgsgs mashed potatoes are really good. But in all actuality my favorite food is Alfredo or any sort of pasta!

Your friend sounds awesome then. I hope she torments you irl as much as I do online! (Ooh hold on is that the same friend who thought you were texting a crush and you had to explain tumblr to?)

Aw ty! That was the first sketch I've done since forever. Hair is hard. And eyes. And faces. And... you get the point. I do want to improve though, so I'll keep trying.

I'll keep that in mind! And no worries, honestly the fact that you care about me enough to say that is really comforting. (Hah I'm attached to you now, it's all going downhill from here)

Thanks! I hope the same for you. My friends are awesome! They're the ones who also get to see my Nikolai side so it's fortunate they stay/j. Fun fact: I'm one of the giggliest people alive, so it's way to easy for them to make me laugh.

I could never be the leader lol, I don't have the confidence to tell other people what to do. But I'd say I'm the vice leader.

But that involves work... and effort... Actually I plan to get to it at some point. I'm impressed people are actually curious (aka I didn't plan for people to actually want to see my reasons, woops)

...Yeah I can see it.

THAT WAS ONE JOKE! Hstgs actually I'm glad you liked it. But if that's how you envision me now I will be sure to invoke all sorts of pain upon you🥰

I'll see you in court wakanai🫵 (I'm joking I would never do that to my fedya. If we go to jail we're doing it together!❤️ )

Xoxo, you're favorite potato<3

Sorry this took so long to write! And thanks a lot for all of the kind words, you have no clue how much I was smiling while making this.

[yoooespinosa]

could you please write a draco x reader fic, where the reader is hopelessly in love with draco, and she's not afraid to show it. but draco doesn't feel the same. and draco being draco, he rejects the reader with no remorse. then when the reader finally comes to the realization that she deserves better, she started seeing new people (not necessarily dating, but more like talking), then that's when draco feels a bit jealous now that the reader isn't all over him anymore. the rest is up to you, love! just something really angsty, you could end it in any way you'd like.

also, sidenote. you're an amazing writer and i love you!!

a/n: Thank you for your request! ily <3

To say you had a crush on Draco Malfoy, was an understatement.

You couldn't help it, you couldn't just stop the feelings you developed every time he came around.

When he walked into the room it was butterflies breaking out of their cage, palms growing sweaty and your heart racing so fast you were scared you'd be able to see its indentions.

It was scary at first, to have such feelings at only thirteen years old. So you did your best to ignore them. You did your best to stay out of his way.

That only worked for so long.

When you are friends with Draco and the people that surround him, it becomes very hard to stay out of his path.

So it was only inevitable that your crush on him would become so much more. Especially as the years went on.

He hadn't made it much easier. Sometimes you felt as if, maybe, he returned your feelings. How could you think otherwise? With the way he walked with you to class, carried your books at times and spent time with you. Just you. Alone.

How could you not fall in love with him.

With all that simmering in you, you finally let it out. You made your affections obvious, not afraid to show Draco how you felt for him. You had thought it was welcomed. You thought that the feelings would be returned.

It seemed as though he could only tolerate you for so long. Yes, that was the right word for it, the only thing he had for you was toleration.

Your shoes sounded on the stone under you, on your way to the Slytherin common room. You had just got out of detention with professor Snape. You suppose it was well deserved, you had seen Draco almost put the wrong ingredient in his potion, so you being you had wandered to his table and helped him, much to Snapes dismay.

Whispering the password, you made your way through the dim passage. Chattering of people from all years and faint laughter was heard all around.

You spotted your friends right away, seated by the green flamed fireplace, as usual.

"She just can't take a hint." You heard Draco grumble, you paused your steps, you didn't mean to eavesdrop but it seemed as if your feet had a mind of its own.

"Wait," Blaise closes the book he had in his hold. "who are we talking about again?"

Pansy sighs, seeming they had been on the topic for some time. "We're talking about y/n."

Your brows furrow. Going back to the first thing you heard Draco say, she just can't take a hint, what was that supposed to mean. What hint?

"Why can't you just tell her how you feel?" Theo adds, his voice is laced with annoyance, maybe this isn't the first time they've talked about this.

"I thought how I felt would be obvious enough, without having to say anything." He huffs.

"Well," Theo sighs. "apparently not."

You were becoming anxious. What were they talking about and what exactly was Draco feeling? There was streak of hope in you, maybe he'd confess right here that he felt the same.

"What do you suggest I say then, oh-wise-one?" Draco asks teasingly.

"Easy, just say exactly what you tell us." He clears his throat dramatically, adopting a mock version of his voice, "Y/n, you have to be one of the most annoying girls, I have ever had the dissatisfaction of meeting. Please, oh please take the hint and leave me alone because these attempts at getting at me are getting more pathetic each time." He finishes with a clumsy curtsy.

The other Slytherins try to stifle their laughs.

You hadn't even noticed the gasp that escaped your throat until four heads turned to your direction.

"Y/n, I didn't kn-" You cut of Theo's words and apologetic stare.

"Is that true?" You ask Draco, your voice low, laced with hurt. Your nose was stinging and your bottom lip hung heavy, but you refused to cry in front of them. You wouldn't give them another weakness to laugh about.

Draco managed to keep his face blank, no emotions shining through. He shrugged, "Pretty much summed it up."

You almost flinched. He didn't even care about the hurt those words brought you.

You left without a look back. Leaving behind your friends call of your name. They weren't the ones you wanted an apology from. They had known how much you felt for him and didn't even bother telling you that it was definitely not mutual. They even laughed, like it was a joke, like your heart was a comedic topic.

The cold air hit your face, freezing against the tear stain tracks. You sat on a lone stone bench in the court yard, letting those tears make a home on your cheeks.

It wasn't obvious--his dislike to you. If it was, you would have gave up long ago. But a part of you felt that there was hope and you had chased after that.

Why couldn't he have just told you when you first let your affections known, it seemed that he had encouraged it back then, with lingering touches and soft smiles.

Looking back now, you notice that those advantages had slowly disappeared. You had been too caught up in his silky hair, those gray eyes filled with mirth and mischief, his angular face with high bones that no one could compare to, that you hadn't notice everything was unrequited.

A sick part of you even felt honored to have your heart broken in the hold of his beautiful hands, the part that saw him do no wrong.

Maybe that was the first problem, you put him on a pedestal, so high up you weren't able to see anything negative of him. You weren't able to see his cruel reality of his feelings towards you.

And he didn't even seem sorry. He didn't even look bothered by the damage of his words.

You were so nice and considerate to him. You would support him at every quidditch game, cheer the loudest even when he lost. You bought him presents for every one of his birthdays and even Christmas, each one sentimental and thoughtful. You had comforted him when he got those letters, that he despised, from his father. You had voiced encouragements when he showed a little tell sign of his insecurities. You had been there for him.

And he treats you like this, like you can be so easily dismissed. You didn't deserve that, you didn't deserve to be called pathetic for having normal feelings and then being laughed at for it.

The longer you sat on that cold bench, the angrier you got. A bitter feeling growing in your stomach, melting away those knots.

You wasted all this time and effort on some guy who didn't even deserve it, some guy who didn't appreciate you. It wasn't fair.

"Hey, you okay?" A familiar voice sounded through your revelations.

You looked up and met green eyes framed with circular glasses.

"Yeah. I was just thinking." You mumbled, the bitter taste was stuck on your tongue, you wanted rid of it.

"Mind if I sit and think with you?" Harry asked, he was nervously scratching the back of his neck, smiling warmly at you.

You offered him a smile, welcoming his genuineness. "Go ahead."

He sat there with you for hours. Surrounded by the sound of wind. It was nice and comfortable. The bitter feeling leaving you completely. You were content now, even if you could still feel the ache in your arms from holding onto Draco for so long.

Weeks had passed. Weeks of no signs of you. The first week Draco hadn't been worried, a little curious, but that was all. The longer it went on though, he became a little more than curious. Not because he cared, cause he didn't, just that if something happened to you, it would be his fault. His rejection was the reason you ran off like a fool to who knows where.

Which is the only reason he went looking for you. He already got a lot of shit from the others, he didn't need more problems stacking up.

He checked all of your favorite places. Starting with that tree down by the black lake that you enjoyed to lean on and watch the sun go down, the sunset wasn't near so he should've known you would not have been there.

He then went to the gardens, there was a bench there that was next to a small pond. It was filled with odd creatures and was home to your favorite flowers, lotus's. You weren't there either.

Lastly, he went to a certain abandoned hall. You had to be there. You went there to be alone with your thoughts, you had taken him with you there a few times. There was a big window there with a thick ledge, streams of sunlight beamed through and tiny rainbows would reflect on the opposite wall due to the cracks on said window.

He heard you before he saw you. A soft laugh reverberating through the empty hall, a laugh he had always found annoying. Hearing it now though, just made him want to get closer to you.

So he did, walking with light footsteps. He froze, you were not alone. Sitting there in the space he once accompanied, was Harry fucking Potter. What kind of sick joke was this?

Why were you sitting with him? And does that mean you just laughed at something he said?

Your laugh sounded through again, once piercing now melodic. It was a bitter feeling, Potter shouldn't have the honor of dragging that sound out of you, he shouldn't even witness it.

Draco left the hall before either of you saw him, he needed to get himself in check.

More weeks passed. Weeks of you hanging out with Potter. You were doing things with him that you had done with Draco.

It was on purpose, you had to be doing it on purpose. You were simply trying to make him jealous and it was annoyingly working.

But how could you be doing that when you didn't even look back to see a reaction.

Draco didn't know what to think. He didn't even know what to feel, or more like let himself feel. Something had changed in the weeks you were away from him.

A revelation of sorts. He missed you. Missed what you would do for him. He regretted what he said and what he never had the chance to say. Because maybe deep down those feelings had been returned, but he was just too stubborn to show.

And now he's seeing you realizing that you deserve more than blurred lines and assumptions. And he's realizing maybe Potter is that more that you deserve.

Draco doesn't like that one bit, he can't even stomach the thought. So he promises to himself that he will do everything in his power to win you back. Even if that means saying that he was sorry and admitting that he was in the wrong, something he's never had to do before.

But if that makes you his again and gets you away from Potter, then its worth it.

Part 2

[gnflorida]

im kinda curious about how benji making an account resulted in him manipulating fans if you'd like to explain a little more :)

cause i get how that would be bad for both sides. i've seen so many people just using that accs dms as therapy session which is,,,not good imo. so yeah thoughts?

sure anon! i’m gonna put this under a cut bc it ended up being pretty long. but here’s my ramble on that little case study, and the danger of parasocial relationships in general:

tw // mention of grooming and sexual harassment (not with a fan but just as a point of discussion)

so we have benji krol and jorge garay. maybe you know them from being kinda relevant on tiktok like a year and a half ago, maybe you remember the accusations that practically ended both of their careers. i’m exposing myself heavy here, but i used to run a stan acct on twitter for them. i know it’s embarassing! i regret it too! typing their names still kinda makes me sick tbh! but i used to see a lot of myself in them, and the community was fun, and it was nice to see what i thought was a healthy queer relationship. we move on.

benji had a very close relationship with his stans, especially after quarantine started. he had multiple private/secret twitter accounts where he would take a very active role in the fandom. he’d spend so long on those accounts, to the point where there were times where we would tell him not to use them (and that in and of itself is very showing of what our dynamic with him was like). he would reply and talk to a lot of ppl on stan twt, myself included, but there was a small groupchat of about a dozen people that he talked to very regularly. he would tell them things that were meant to be kept secret even from other stans, and in some cases things that we know for certain he didn’t even tell some of his closest friends.

because they were so close with benji, these stans obviously got a lot of clout within the fandom (as they should have too! they were mostly all rly nice, i’m still moots w a few). but what was going essentially unnoticed there was just how much manipulation was occurring. i honestly don’t believe it was even fully intentional on benji’s part. but over the course of more than a year he manipulated them into defending him against almost every negative accusation he faced. these people would have screenshots and receipts from him personally, ready to pull him out of all potential drama or criticism. and he did this by presenting their relationship as a mutual friendship, as if there wasn’t a blatant and vast imbalance of power.

and then one day last august, the allegations came out. jorge, who was 18, was accused of grooming another influencer who was 15 at the time, and benji was accused of enabling and even contributing to the grooming. over the course of the following days and weeks, as it became apparent that these alleged events did actually happen, the fandom was forced to collectively reevaluate the things that had been going on for over a year, and how we had all ended up in a situation where we unknowingly supported those people. since then, various other information has surfaced that implies that benji himself was somewhat unaware of what was happening. you can watch his yt vdeo if you’re interested in hearing his defense, and the reason he’s not canceled off the face of the earth like jorge is. but the degree to which he may or may not be innocent is not really my focus here.

i cannot begin to express the shock of spending so long idolizing someone, genuinely learning a lot about who they are, only to have something so significant and disgusting revealed about them like that. everyone in the fandom kind of compared receipts and took an outside look at what had been happening and realized just how harmful the close relationship with benji had been. to quote one of my rant tweets from august 22nd: “i just feel so stupid because i would always say ‘we shouldn’t act like we really know them’ and. here i am sobbing anyways bc i still put too much trust in these people who are rly just fucking strangers”. and there were several dozens of people that were much closer to him and much more personally affected than me. plus hundreds of others that were involved in the fandom.

and that brings me into my main point here. this is a firsthand account of a very extreme example of manipulation within a parasocial relationship. i think benji did genuinely care about his fans, even if it was in a very self-indulgent and egotistical manner. but caring about your fans does not do anything to negate the harm that is done by manipulating your relationship with them.

it’s not that a fan doesn’t know what a given content creator is really like, because a lot of them do present their honestly selves to a considerable degree. it’s that there is no way to know what things you don’t know about a CC. no way to tell what will surface tomorrow and completely change your entire perception of them. and no way to interact with them on equal grounds. and because of this, i am extremely wary of any CC who presents their relationship with their fans as one of friendship, especially when a large amount of those fans are minors. it’s not inherently wrong persay, but it’s more dangerous than i think a lot of fans or CCs realize.