#genuinely this is so stupid lmao

[industria-adastra]

[Genshin Impact] Time Trial #7

Summary: It was nice and all that the Iudex and Lady Furina had finally made up. The sudden new period of picture-perfect weather was truly much more suited for spring compared to the previous second coming of the prophesied flood. That being said, it would've been preferable not to be able to be an ear-witness to their attempts at both embodying the spirit of spring and their horrifically public honeymoon period.

Maybe he should've ordered some soundproofing earpieces from Sumeru. - TD;LR A short piece looking into the mind of a beleaguered Palais office worker on a Friday afternoon.

Pairing: Neuvillette/Furina

Note: I have a decidedly juvenile sense of humour. Please note that there is implied sexual content between nvfr in this fic (albeit mostly through terrible innuendos).

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As par the course with days like these, the sun shone bright and cheery, with nary a cloud in sight. With the accompaniment of a muffled, staccato thudding, Claude smacked the Autostamper 300 every so often with a stoic look. One by one, the papers were stamped in an excruciatingly slow fashion, inadvertently forcing him to listen to the music of creation. This duet was certainly more well-oiled than the hunk of scrap metal they called the Autostamper 3000. 

Flipping open his pocket watch, Claude noted—alongside the rising frequency of the thudding, much like the last six times—that it took about 10 stamped proposals for the Chief Justice’s (now weekly) office exercise to supposedly come to a close. Well, even if it wasn’t for this particular timed trial, it would be for Claude’s work day. 

With the same stoic look (that appeared increasingly similar to the blank-eyed stare of a medaka), Claude locked up the Autostamper. Just in time for the echo of a church bell to resound throughout the room. He supposed that’d be the new Friday lunch bell now. 

Shuffling the papers together and walking past the room where the Iudex finally discovered the joys of a healthy work-life balance (which was also his office), Claude placed all his completed work on Sedene’s desk. As he waited for her to finish checking all the papers, Claude debated the pros and cons of a proposal regarding the Palais Mermonia’s soundproofing. 

He wondered if it’d be blasphemous to indirectly comment on your ex-Archon’s healthy sex life. 

Perhaps it’d be better to simply propose a four-day workweek instead. Especially given his superior’s tendency for early celebrations of the weekend…  

Sedene’s voice cut into his thoughts, pulling him out of his musings. “Everything here seems to be in good order,” she said, paws deftly sorting the papers into particular groups. “I’ll make sure to notify the relevant departments about them on Monday.” At this point, it was clear that they both knew the lunch bell also signified the end of the work day for workers like him. 

He nodded, “Thanks, Sedene.” Muffled noises trickled from the Chief Justice’s office. The four-day workweek proposal was sounding more and more appealing at the moment. After a pause, Claude decided to ask Sedene for her opinion on a four-day workweek. After all, it was always good to get some alternative views on ideas before even attempting to create proposals based on them. It was also the better topic to ask her about, rather than something like, ‘Do you think Lady Furina and Iudex Neuvillette are attempting to create a sister race for the Melusines?’. That would’ve probably been prosecutable under one of the Acts relating to defamation law. And genuine blasphemy.

“Sedene.” He said, unknowingly taking out his pocket watch.

“Yes?”

“I wanted to ask…” Claude trailed off, absent-mindedly rubbing at the delicate filigree of his watch. “What are your thoughts on a four-day workweek?”

“A four-day workweek?” Cocking her head to the side, Sedene blinked at you with curiosity. “Well, that certainty sounds—”

Just as she was about to give her opinion, the Chief Justice’s office door swung open with a bang, cutting off Sedene. Instinct compelled them both to look at the source of the disturbance. Logic told Claude to continue pretending nothing happened. 

He ended up staring blankly at Lady Furina’s dishevelled figure for a good ten seconds—looking like she was wearing yesterday’s clothes with how rumpled they were—before turning his head back to look at Sedene. Just barely, he managed to avoid looking Lady Furina in the eyes. Had she caught him looking, he would’ve had to feign sudden blindness with his poor acting skills. 

In the back of his mind, Claude noted that her legs had been shaking ever so minutely, but asking if Lady Furina ‘needed a chair or anything’ would probably just add further embarrassment to an already embarrassing ordeal. Unlike the ex-Archon, he was not a master of social skills. He was also very satisfied with his job and wanted to keep the risk of losing it low, please and thank you very much.

It seemed like Sedene was of a similar opinion to him, as she had been staring expectantly at him. “Ah, sorry, as you were saying, Sedene?” Claude asked, ignoring the choked noise of surprise behind him.

“Well, as I was saying, I think a four-day workweek sounds quite interesting. An extended weekend sounds like it’d be quite nice to have, although I’m not sure what that’d do for the current work hours… But why the sudden ask? Is this a new proposal you want to file?” Sedene’s paws moved to pen down the idea as she said so, briefly looking away before she then continued to speak. “If so, I believe you’ll have to wait until Monday for the proper forms you need to do.” 

“No, no, not a proposal, just something I thought about at the moment,” Claude answered. “I was curious about your thoughts on it, since you’re the only other co-worker I can ask right now.” With gentle hands, he tossed his pocket watch from palm to palm. The singular source of noise only emphasised the lack of workers within this particular area of the Palais. “I thought it might help cultivate, ah, what to call it? A…more harmonious working environment. Mn, yes, those were the words I was looking for.” Tossing his pocket watch into his other palm for the final time, Claude gripped it tightly as his gaze darted over to Sedene’s scribbled note. He wondered why he hadn’t seemed to hear the echoing clicks of Lady Furina’s heels growing quieter as she moved toward the exit, as per the regular schedule. 

Then again, for all he knew, he could’ve simply gotten too used to filtering out any noises originating from his superiors, to the point where being willfully deaf to them was a passive skill of his.

Almost immediately, the Chief Justice’s voice appeared out of what seemed like nowhere, just to add weight to that hypothesis of his. “And in what way would you suggest a four-day workweek would help to facilitate a more harmonious workplace, Claude?” He asked, sincere curiosity evident in his tone.

Claude did not jump, shriek, or attempt to obtain a trip to Fortress Meropide via an offence of battery, but his hand did violently spasm around his watch. Quickly, Claude turned around to see Chief Justice Neuvillette, staring curiously at him and Sedene. A quick look to the left showed Lady Furina with a mortified expression on her face. An oddly heavy scent of seawater hung in the air. For someone with such a towering stature and wearing heeled shoes, he certainly knew how to make a surprising entrance to a conversation. Literally.

Or maybe he truly was going selectively deaf.

“Ah—” Very eloquent of him. 

As usual with social blunders like these, the Chief Justice’s verdict was swift, and no remedies were offered. He merely looked on expectantly, leaving Claude to flounder about and think of the best way to phrase something like, ‘Please just take Fridays off so I don’t have to hear the efforts involved in creating the miracle called life.’ Or ‘Your office is not as soundproof as you think,’ which was the real reason for his four-day workweek proposal. 

After an awkwardly long period of silence, where even Lady Furina didn’t offer any justice, Claude simply decided to say, “I…just think it might help promote a better work-life balance and workplace efficiency if there are more days to rest.” 

Yes, that would probably work, even though he, for one, did not have any data to back up the claim. To top off the steaming pile of complete and utter bullshit he just served—like some rancid egg on an equally rotten steak tartare—Claude was not a member of the Maison Gestionne.  For goodness sake, he was part of the Maison Ordalie, and lying to his direct superior due to the sheer embarrassment of the truth was not something he’d ever thought he’d do, nor ever wanted to do. In his mind, it seemed evident that this so-called “proposal” would only end with the Chief Justice outright dismissing it.

Not that he’d mind if he did, to be honest.

“Is that so?”

Somehow, against all odds, his provided “reason” seemed to work—Chief Justice Neuvillette now looked to be silently, and even seriously contemplating the idea. From the corner of his eye, he could see a relieved expression on Lady Furina’s face. 

However, that relief quickly turned into a steel-like determination. One that was possibly brought about by some minute expression or action from the Chief Justice that bode ill for everyone’s continued sanity. 

But with a determination to do what, Claude wasn’t sure. That said if it got rid of the awkward atmosphere hanging around like a bad smell, or like the weekly reminder that your rulers were cultivating a healthy appreciation of physical activities— (He forcefully stopped that train of thought for what seemed like the nth time today) 

Anyways, Lady Furina had always been a master of social interaction, and currently, more importantly, the one who knew the Chief Justice the best. If there was anyone who could get him to drop this evidently loaded situation, it would be her. With bated breath, he watched her step towards the Chief Justice.

Her steps were stiff and wooden, but Lady Furina didn’t stop for even a moment’s hesitation. Due to the speed at which she walked, she inevitably made short work of the distance between her and the Iudex. At that point, Claude had finally decided to emulate a cardboard standee—or customer service personnel.

“Neuvillette,” she called, bravely grabbing both his hand and his attention in one swift move. “Should we not go for lunch now? I feel positively famished, and I’m sure you’re hungry too. Besides, haven’t you previously lectured me on the importance of having scheduled mealtimes?” With a gently scolding tone, Lady Furina added, “It’s no good overworking yourself without taking breaks.” 

“While that may be true, I’m sure you, in turn, have lectured me before about the importance of properly ‘finishing up’ conversations with people.”

“Well, have you come to an opinion on this unofficial proposal?”

“It’s certainly one that could be pondered upon for a potential trial period. After all…” At that point, he’d bent down and whispered the rest of his words into Lady Furina’s ear. Meaning that Claude and possibly—hopefully—Sedene, didn’t hear any of it. Thankfully, that also meant that Claude didn’t need to either pretend or legitimately go deaf from a momentary period of legal insanity. 

Judging from the way Lady Furina’s face practically exploded into red, and the almost imperceptible quirk of the Iudex’s lips, Claude was rather assured of the implementation of the solution to all his current workplace problems.

“Ahem!” Lady Furina coughed into a gloved fist, looking as if she now found the carpet to be the most interesting thing in the room. “I… I also believe that it could be something worth trying out. After all, as I’ve said earlier, there’s no benefit in overworking oneself without breaks—which we should be taking right now, as I’ve also said. If there’s anything else you’d like to say, I’ll be waiting for you outside the Palais.” With that, she sharply turned her heels and practically fled.

The Iudex watched her go, before turning to Claude and Sedene to say, “Given the lull in recent workload, perhaps we could try it out in the coming weeks.” He smiled at Sedene, saying, “I hope you rest well during those times.” His attention then went back to the both of them as he said his goodbyes for the period. “I also hope you two have a restful break.” With that, he finally went away.

‘Well,’ thought Claude, watching him walk away whilst holding in a palpable sigh of relief, ‘I certainly won’t be missing having to do any more trials. Nor this particular lunch bell.’ With a resounding snap, he closed his pocket watch, already beginning to think of what he could do with a three-day weekend.

“Say, Sedene…”

“Yes?”

“What light novels have you been reading recently?”

[cobaltfluff]

I genuinely thought it was his stage name ???? who names their child the equivalent of herlock sholmes??????

bonus because my joker is, unfortunately, an idiot:

[jade-len]

svsss fangame where you're on a date with sqq after getting wife-beamed but bunhe is quite literally out for your blood and thus you must avoid getting killed in the stupidest ways possible. objectives?

1. prevent the date from going to complete shit.

2. survive sqq's painfully oblivious ass not getting any of your hints and, somehow, get it through his head (which will raise his affection stats)

3. escape the raging hormones of a queer mentally ill teenager's unfiltered jealousy and willingness to do anything for the object of their affection. completely unscathed.

[traffys]

anyways

[val-of-the-north]

Their dynamic is like this to me (+bonus Tark and Najka mention)

[indigos-stardust]

their autism clashes so hard (so do their traumas <3)

[quietwingsinthesky]

best thing about doctor who is that it is unpoisoned by the irony that most long-running media gets cannibalized by. it is invincible because it is so silly and so full of love and it takes each premise with the exact amount of seriousness it deserves. the closest you get ever is that some of bill’s lines are verbatim little teasing nitpicks of the show that the fandom bandied about, but they don’t come off as mocking the premise, they come off as loving the premise and how silly it is. why’s his time machine anagram work in english? it just does. his name is doctor who.

[doomedclockworkdotmp3]

i thiiink hes soooo prettyabyway

[xheksprostate]

Hey so I did actually make a little primer for any of you interested in learning about hockey :) It covers the basic rules and pretty much goes in order of the bare minimum you'd need to know to understand what's going on. It does not include propaganda for convincing you to watch hockey. There's a final section I'll keep expanding on that's just personal enjoyment, and maybe I'll put propaganda there, but the actual meat focused on explaining how to watch the game is all completed and hopefully actually useful :)!

[mamawasatesttube]

experiencing the horrors . save me lil guy from comic book. lil guy from comic book PLEASE

[teddybeartoji]

the scene where shoto calls the dog a mutt was always so funny but now that i've actually seen the full thing i think he should've said it louder wtf go woof somewhere else you fucking idiot what are these fuckass rules you're yapping about😒😒😒😒😒😒

[ssaltlicker]

Ekko straight beat the fuck out of jinx and people are frothing on their fanfiction ass ep but caitlyn elbows vi once and it's game over never redeemable ever.

Smoking crack

No literally its fucking unreal. Watching a dude beat a woman nearly to death and thinking thats cute while also watching someone essentially get elbowed and claiming its abuse is a different type of deranged

[isa-ah]

also to build off of this excitement, i would like to announce that according to my husband i have reached gender ambiguity so severe it scares our neighbors. what am i? my voice is mid. my chest is a little chubby but so is the rest of me. i have long hair but its paired with a camo trucker hat. my legs are unshaven but short. i am the boogeyman

[tragicotps]

Random gifs of Marisa Coulter smiling [8/∞]

[pareidolla]

i've been so sad it's genuinely ridiculous. guard! be my emotional support anime boy!

[fob4ever]

um. LOL