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luna-writes-stuff · 1 year ago

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I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing, Steve Harrington

Song link

Fanfic, fem! reader

Mutual pining, fluff

Word count: 3494

Tw: As a fellow introvert it pains me to tell you you are now going to prom. Sorry. There’s an f-bomb in here. Light cursing?? Idk have you even watched Stranger Things?

Summary: Steve was convinced he was only able to fall in love once, and that one love was Nancy Wheeler. And when all of that fell apart, he met you. He couldn’t explain how or why, but you were simply it for him. Never before had he been anxious to ask a girl out, so why were you so different? And how come Dustin knows more about flirting than he does?

Buy me a coffee/force me to write more

“I could stay awake just to hear you breathing. Watch you smile while you are sleeping. While you're far away and dreaming.”

Steve has only been in love once - Nancy Wheeler. He had told himself this over and over again. He knew what it felt like, he knew what it was like. He knew what the difference was between liking and loving. And the only one he had truly loved was Nancy Wheeler. So, when she started dating Jonathan, his heart crumbled into a million little pieces. For once, he finally understood the girls at his high school who would spend their break wallowing away in bathrooms.

After that, he wouldn’t dare even look at others in a specific way. He was convinced he could only love one person his entire life. He’d never find something real after that. It was a terrifying melodramatic thought in his head that simply refused to leave.

He was at his lowest when he met you.

“I could spend my life in this sweet surrender. I could stay lost in this moment forever. Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure.”

How you had never caught his eyes, he couldn’t quite believe. For years, you had been in the same English class. Hell, you used to sit directly next to him for a handful of months. He was so blindly and foolishly in love with Nancy, he refused to see anything else for him out there. And where he had once blamed it on loyalty and fidelity, he could now only consider himself as stupid.

You were forced to work on a project together in your senior year, Steve’s final year of torment. He was too late to pair with familiar faces, and was left with the person behind him - you. A lucky coincidence.

It wasn’t anything special at first. You were simply a classmate. But when he failed to show up on agreed study times, or refused to form a normal conversation with you, you showed up at his doorstep. You barely even know him, yet you took the effort to seek him out - initially in pure anger, as this was supposed to be your grade as well, and he was screwing it up, but you afterwards considered this action to have been out of genuine caring. It wouldn’t take an expert to recognize that he had not been true to his prior years persona.

Reluctantly, he had allowed you in, trying to procrastinate as much as he could. You spent the evening properly introducing yourself. You talked about family, work, school, interests, and friends that would later appear to be somewhat mutual (Steve didn’t necessarily consider Jonathan his friend, but he at least knew him on certain terms.) Where you first appeared to be the stuck-up good grades student, he found that you were actually quite interesting to talk with. Even if your interests weren’t always related, he found himself relaxing around you.

“Don't wanna close my eyes. I don't wanna to fall asleep, 'Cause I'd miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”

It took two weeks for him to shift slightly around you. He’d grown more comfortable, and had actually tried to put in some effort in your project. After the study dates, he’d treat you to a drink at a nearby snackbar on his way to your home. During classes - if they were shared -, he started seeking you out more. Sometimes, though rare, he’d sit at your table at lunch, ranting about a teacher or a test he just had.

It took two more weeks before he started changing again. To him, it came out of nothing. You had been at his place, discussing what you would be doing the final three weeks of your project, your voice passionate as you explained your plan, your hands following along with your speech enthusiastically. Then, it all clicked for him. There was no special thing you did that made it happen: no faces too nearby, no flirty laugh, no hesitant hug, no brief kiss on his cheek - it was simply you speaking about something you were excited about. And his heart skipped a beat at it. The feeling you’d get just before you go down a rollercoaster, or when your chair almost falls backwards - but then in a good way.

The last time he felt that was when Nancy winked at him from across the room. And that was last year. He knew the feeling, and it did not take him longer than a second to figure out what it was. He didn’t dare to say it, though. He might say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing and something about that made him so scared. He’d never felt anxious to walk up to someone and simply confess how he felt. It came easy to him.

Not after that one stupid rant you did.

“'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream would never do, I'd still miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”

He wouldn’t speak of it to anyone. He hadn’t even told himself out loud yet. He told himself that if he’d speak it, it might disappear, or bring him bad luck. He cursed himself afterwards and scolded his mind for suddenly picking up superstition.

He’d try so badly to behave somewhat normal around you, and not as if his heart was beating way too quickly whenever you spoke his name or nudged his shoulder with your pen. In his eyes, he was doing a great job at it. He didn’t stutter once, nor did he forget his words. He didn’t sweat, didn’t act on emotion. He was completely nailing this.

He never noticed his staring. You had.

“Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating. And I'm wondering what you're dreaming. Wondering if it's me you're seeing.”

You had noticed it only a day after Steve’s realisation. Sure, he had shown interest in you, but they never included prolonged eye contact, nor the feeling of being watched over during classes. It was uncomfortable when it first started, but when he failed to do anything about the staring in a negative sense, you figured his mind had just been too preoccupied with other things and let it slide.

But every time you’d walk the halls, you swear Steve kept his eyes on you even after you had greeted him at the lockers. During breaks, he would constantly be throwing you looks, and you had to pretend to look at something else to not be creepy as well. He started walking you to your car, helping you carry school books, and saving you lunch.

You might not have been the smartest, but you weren’t oblivious. He didn’t do this for his other friends - which he had known way longer than he had known you. He wouldn’t even walk his ‘children’ friends outside school. And you might have understood him if he had done so. But he didn’t. Not with anyone except you.

But maybe you were thinking too much of it.

“Then I kiss your eyes And thank God we're together. And I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever. Forever and ever.”

“Steve,” Dustin urged. “Earth to Steve.” The boy in question only grunted in annoyance, reluctantly tearing his eyes from you and your friend group. “Dude, this is almost becoming creepy.” Dustin continued. “Just talk to her. You’re friends, right?” “Yes, Dustin,” Steve groaned. “We’re friends.” An aloud confirmation. To himself and to Dustin. You were just friends, sure.

“Friends don’t really stare at each other the entire time.” Rolling his eyes, Steve shook his head at the boy, giving him a pointed look. “I’m not looking at her the entire time.” “Maybe not, but when you’re not looking, she is.” That made his head spin around too fast, his eyes briefly meeting yours before they cast back to your friends.

“That’s totally normal,” Dustin emphasised. “Me and Mike make love-sick eyes at each other the entire time.” “Will you shut it?” Steve hissed, his face warm as he tried to look at the wall behind you. “I would, but all of this staring is making me sick.” “No one asked you to look.” “It’s impossible not to.”

“I don't wanna close my eyes. I don't wanna to fall asleep, 'Cause I'd miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”

“She’s totally into you, you know that right?” Dustin prodded. “Shut up.” “No, I’m serious, man. She’s my babysitter and she talks about you all the time.” He exaggerated, a notion Steve was quick to catch onto, giving the younger boy an accusing look. “Okay, so, maybe I am the one who brings you up, but she is the one who starts laughing and talking all about how funny you are.” He defended, holding his hands up as he shrugged. And with those words, Steve was left speechless for just a short second.

“If you ask her out to prom, I can guarantee you, she’ll say yes.” Dustin hinted. “You’ll have the perfect ambiance - lights, music, clothes, and amazing company.” “Dude, you’re twelve.” Steve deadpanned, yet curiously thinking Dustin’s offer over. “I’m thirteen.” “Big difference.”

“If this is what growing up is like, I don’t want any part of it.” “No,” Steve finally agreed. “Trust me; you don’t.”

“Dude, you’re the king of Hawkins High,” Dustin tried to convince. “If you can’t ask a girl out, what are my chances?” Steve formed his lips in a thin line upon the words, shrugging aimlessly. Dustin’s hands found Steve’s biceps, clutching them tightly, taking him by surprise. “Give me hope, Steve.”

“Geez, man,” Steve muttered confused. “It’s not the end of the world.” “You’re right: it isn’t.” Dustin agreed, a sudden smile on his face. “So, talk to her.” Then, he turned the older boy around, forcing his eyes to suddenly fall on yours. Again, his face heated up at the contact, his eyes back on the wall behind you before yours could fall to the floor in a flustered mess.

“'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream will never do, I'd still miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”

He wanted to back away, let the weird thirteen-year-old he met last year down and swallow his pride to the depth of his stomach, but one of your friends had already noticed him, sparing him a wave before taking off with the rest of the group, leaving only you there. If he couldn’t even ask you when you were alone, what dignity did he have left?

And thus, with courage he did not know he had to muster up, he walked towards you, his heart wildly beating, screaming at him to turn around and hide while he still could. Stupid. That never happened before. It was scary - he hated it. Weak for a talk.

“You didn’t mention a little brother,” You began, trying to start a conversation as your eyes fell on Dustin, who had - not so casually - started paying a lot of attention to his shoes. Chuckling awkwardly, Steve shook his head. “No, he’s not my brother.” “Cousin?” “Weird kid that started following me around last year.” A quiet ‘ah’ of understanding escaped you as you nodded hesitantly. “Must have been quite the conversation you were having.” “You really don't want to know.” You laughed at this.

Stupid. Stupid heart skipping that stupid beat at your stupid smile.

“I don't wanna miss one smile. And I don't wanna miss one kiss. And I just wanna be with you Right here with you, just like this.”

Then, the silence came. You hadn’t shared those yet. You always had a lot to say, and if not, he would. But this was an uncomfortable silence. Granted, he had known you for five weeks, but he did not like this one bit. He felt as if he had gotten to know you better in five weeks than he had his other friends in four years. He didn’t even know if Tommy had a brother or a sister - or maybe it was both. He knew your entire family, though.

Dustin was right. That wasn’t normal for friends. Or at least - not for his versions of friends. He was interested in them, but not as much as he was in you. And that wasn’t just because you were generally pleasing to look at. It was important to him, though.

“Um, pretty,” Steve mumbled, not even realising what he had said. An unconscious notion of himself as he tried to fill the silence. It even startled him, his heart sinking slightly as he tried to cover it up. “Prom.”

Yes, there was no going back now.

“And I just wanna hold you close. I feel your heart so close to mine. And just stay here in this moment For all the rest of time.”

“Prom.” You nodded at him as he repeated his words. “Next month.” You reminded him, thinking he didn’t know the date. “Right, yes,” Steve agreed, grateful you hadn’t taken up his slip. “Do you plan on going?” You thought of it for a while. In truth, you had meant to be going with a friend, but she cancelled last week, claiming she’d rather take another friend who would be in town that week. You understood her - you might have done the same. But you weren’t going to show up to prom alone. Besides, staying home wouldn’t be the worst idea. Cinemas would likely be very empty that night. You might spend your evening there.

“I don’t think so.” You finally settled on. “Not?” “I was gonna go with a friend, but she cancelled.” “That’s lame, I’m sorry.” Steve tried to offer in sympathy, but you shook him off. “No, I don’t blame her. One of her long-distance friends will be in town, and she’d rather take her.” “Still,” Steve continued. “That must have sucked.” You lightly shook your head at him, a tiny grin on your face. “Yes, but it’s okay. I don’t hate her for it.”

Another silence. This time due to both of you thinking over your words. Stupid. He never had to do that before.

“Why?” You prodded playfully. “Planning to ask me yourself, Harrington?”

Yet again, his heart skipped a beat. Stupid.

“Don't wanna close my eyes. Don't wanna fall asleep, 'Cause I'd miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”

“Only out of pity.” He covered up quickly, his eyes not deviating from yours once. “I’m the worst pity party.” You joked, to which he faintly found himself sparing a laugh. “I’d be happy to join it.” “Yeah, you would.” You replied sarcastically, nodding your head in humour.

A third beat of silence. Now, the pounding in his heart was begging for some action. One more silence and he might spontaneously combust. “What if I was?” He mustered out, his eyes falling back on the wall behind you. Looking behind you to see what he was looking at, you frowned lightly, forcing your eyes back to his face. “What if you were what?” “Planning to ask you to prom?” A deep falling of his heart. Stupid.

“I’d ask why you didn’t ask future prom queen Heather.” You replied after a handful of seconds, not sure how to respond to him. You’d be lying if you said your heart wasn’t copying his exact movements. “Because she’s fake.” He stated easily, causing you to gasp lightly, looking around to check if others were around. “Steve,” You scolded. “I’m serious,” He disclosed honestly. “She always pretends to feel bad for others, but she’s as much of a bully as she is narcissistic.”

You could join him and rant about this girl, but in truth, you barely even knew her. Part of it made you feel guilty. Thankfully, Steve caught on quickly: “Besides, I already rejected her.”

“'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream would never do. I'd still miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”

Mouth slacked open, you looked at him in surprise. Again, you didn’t really know the girl, but you knew her enough to be aware of her reputation. Or, more importantly, her looks. “You rejected Heather?” You asked confused, a feather light feeling entering your stomach. “Yeah, well, I’m not really one for dances, but I could make an exception.” Steve defended, trying to play it off cool. His exterior was doing a great job at it. Inside, whatsoever, it was pure rampage. His brain was scavenging for the right words or actions. He truly didn’t want to screw this up, but he had never felt this anxious around a person. If this would not be the moment, he didn’t know if it would ever come again.

Luckily, you did not notice the turmoil, and responded to his words before he could make a fool out of himself. “You’d make an exception for your study buddy?” You tested, still unsure whether he was joking or not. If he was, it was a cruel one. “You need those grades, don’t you?” “No.” He denied quickly, almost instantly. “I’d make an exception for a good friend. And all I need is just a little bit of your time.” “For what?” You asked, raising your eyebrows slightly.

Holding you, you idiot. Keeping you close, not tearing my eyes from you if I can help it. Maybe a little kiss here and there, light touches on your waist, repressing those stupid beats of my heart.

Instead, what came out was: “Dancing, duh.”

“I don't wanna close my eyes. I don't wanna fall asleep, 'Cause I'd miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”

“I don’t have an outfit.” You avoided, slightly taken aback by his cool behaviour. Sure, you had learned his humour, but you would be lying if you said you weren’t expecting him to show just a little emotion and a positive response to your slightly high hopes. Then, he said something that truly took you aback.

“Wear this. You look beautiful in this too.” It was out before he could even stop it. He hadn’t even realised his brain had been forming these words. They just stumbled out. And when you went slack at them, he wanted nothing more than to dig his head into the nearest wall. “I’m-“ He tried to salvage, desperately stumbling over his words.

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. This was exactly what he had been avoiding all this time and now his speech was failing him.

“I’m sorry, that was-“ No words managed to follow up that trail of thought, leaving you there, still wide-eyed. “Fuck.” He silently mumbled to himself, before just running with what he had slipped out. “You look perfect just like this.”

“Thank you.” You nearly whispered, your heart surely in your throat now. This was precisely what you wanted to hear, so why did you not know how to respond to it.

“Yeah, no problem.” Steve sighed helplessly.

“'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream would never do, I'd still miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”

“So, prom? With me?” He swallowed his dignity, saying his words as he had always meant them. No de-tours now. And at that, your courage began to build up again. “As friends?” You tested. “Maybe,” Steve answered. “Or, maybe, as a date.” A sigh of relief swept through you, the action not going unnoticed by Steve. He did not mention it however.

“It’ll be a hell of a first date.” You muttered, your happiness doing its best containing itself. “It doesn’t have to be.” Steve dismissed. Your hopes fell to the floor at that, afraid you had gotten ahead of yourself. Hadn’t he said it aloud? Hadn’t he proposed it had been a date?

“I heard the cinema is playing Gremlins tonight.” He interrupted your train of thought, a slight smile on his face. You copied it nearly immediately, more relief flooding your senses. And then, a sudden burst of confidence: “You know the purpose of the cinema is watching movies, right? Not me.” Hissing and nodding at your hint, his shoulders fell slightly. “Am I that creepy?” “At first, yes,” You admit honestly. “But it’s cute.”

Cute. Stupid.

“What time?” Having remembered the exact time for this perfect scenario, Steve perked up slightly. “Eight.” “Pick me up at seven-thirty,” You proposed. “You know where I live.” Then, you turned around, ready to head to your next classes. You spared him a light wave, before moving towards the halls. His eyes followed you until you were out of sight.

That stupid smile. Those stupid eyes. Your stupid voice. Your stupid humour.

You were going to be the death of him.

“Don't wanna close my eyes. I don't wanna fall asleep, And I don't wanna miss a thing.”

#november writings 2023 #steve harrington #stranger things #steve harrington x reader #joe keery

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janesgms · 2 years ago

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Astro notes - 02

✨️ General Edition ✨️

Air placements could be more "air-headed" and hazy than water placements, specially when they're in places where they feel uncomfortable. this happens because air people's minds never stops and they will zone out all the time if you're not interesting enough to keep their minds on you.

If they also have personal planets in water signs or houses, then they will be kind of dumb too because they will be on their own world all the time. type of people who don't need drugs or alcohol to feel high, just a little bit of music lol

Underveloped leo mars & venus people with other earth/fire placements (specially moon) need to do therapy asap. they need to stop being bad and throwing their anguishes/traumas/bad energies on people who have nothing to do it, and they still do it thinking is not a big deal. You guys can be SO, but SO incredible and genuine people when you want, you shouldn't let your demons get control over you, because you're traumatizing others and losing your inner child slowly

Hi, how are you doing woman with heavy lilith energy? I know you think you'll never find true love and that men will always want to use your for their own pleasures but just know you will be happy in love one day and you're bigger than these negative beings 💖. But always be careful with people's envy in general.

Also, what is it that these women seem to make some insecure men hate them for no reason? Specially if they also have pluto placements These women (maybe subconsciouly) show that they won't lower their head to any trash of a man just bc they are men and i'm here for it. they're the true definition of powerful women when they learn how to use their gifts

Oh. my. God. why people are so freaking obsessed with spreading rumours about women with leo stelliums? leave us aloneeee 😭

People with young souls are such a pain in the ass smh... if you know someone who's a child forever (in the bad sense), this people is probably in her first/second life and they have a long loooong way to learn their lessons

Why do guys with gemini + cancer placements write and act like old men on social media? It's funny but also cute. they also can be such dads sometimes 🥺

Older souls usually get better with other older souls, they might find young souls really shallow or even "dumb". You usually get along more with people who have the same amount of lives as you or a close number

If you have the same amount of lives with someone, you probably feel connected to this person, it may be due to how you'll probably learn similar lessons in this lifetime

Quintiles and biquintiles are very important aspects to look in a synastry. they're as important as trines/sextiles/squares in my opinion

People with 12th house + taurus planets in natal need to be careful with smell addictions (drugs) and cigarettes even more than with alcohol

Venus in 1st house people marry with me now (it's an order 🔪)

I think natal houses are very forgotten when people talk about synastry. I know overlays are important but the natal houses are more because they reflect the native's nature. If you have the same houses in planets with different signs or houses that naturally match each other, it creates an important connection too

Virgo suns are the real clean freaks, virgo risings only look put together they are actually messy

10th, 6th and 2th house overlays in synastry are huge indicators of marriage.

10th house: means admiration, public life, adoration, social status, career you will always find this person cool, you will wanna be seen with her and you will cherish her on her career life, people wil lfind you good together. a power couple

6th house: means routine, everyday life, health & also work. you will care for this person's health and you will be part of her daily life, also cherish her work. a couple who does everything together lol (go to the gym, shower, skin care, cooking, brushin teeth even 😭)

2nd house: means material posessions, gains, sensations. you will gain material posessions when together, you may be posessive of them, you will bring money to the house together, you will be successful. a luck charm couple.

The vesta aspects in your chart can indicate how you will feel about your partner in the moment you lose your virginity.

vesta positive aspects to ascendant: you will find your partner expressive, personal, beautiful and you will like it

vesta positive aspects to venus: you will find your partner loving, soft, feminine, beautiful, delicate and you will like it

vesta positive aspects to mars: you will find your partner sexual, masculine, passionate, fiery, fast or aggressive and you will like it

Psyche conjunct personal planets in synastry mutually will make both of them thinking of the other 24/7, they will also feel a mental connection to each other

Venus conjunct ascendant in natal will make the individual very beautiful but they won't see that and hate pictures if they have 12th house placements or the venus is in the 12th house 😭 I wish they could see themselves the way other seem, they would feel more confident (even if they show they are, is just a natural thing for them, it doesn't mean they think they are confident)

Your death in your last past life could show in this lifetime as an inexplicable pain sometimes. I was murdered in my last life by my husband who cut my head off and I feel a pain in the back of my neck when I travel long rides and I rest my head in the seat - is so annoying tbh

Remember you may not have any past life in this world because this could be your first life (that's why you could be a shallow person, but I doubt any first liver would be reading this post, nah, they're probably busy being a kid lol, i kind of see why)

12th house people could naturally attract medium people from a young age without even realizing it, and these medium are also 12th housers/pisceans lol

You will always aspire to be like people who have personal placements in the sign of your north node

People with euterpe (27) in libra positively aspecting personal placements in mercurial or venusian signs, can have a beautiful singing voice, a sweet tone that remembers you of sunshine and freshness, or just a pleasant voice in general, even if it's not good technically. This can also apply to euterpe positively aspecting the venus.

Sagittarius mercuries need to be careful of what they say, they always hurt someone when saying something without even noticing 😟

This is a serious one, tw: murder. I just found out someone made black magic to kill me, and there are 4 obsessor behind me now. Now guess what I have in my lunar return chart? Sun, pluto and mercury in the 8th house. I also have bml in the 8th house and 8° in my solar return chart. Be careful with 8th house planets in solar/lunar return charts guys... (And send good energies to me)

Now this is it! I'll fix this post later, bye! Good night guys Update: I'm not dead and they're gone now <3

#astro notes #astro observations #astrology #synastry #aesthetic #astrology notes #astrology observations #astro community #past lives #souls #soul

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the-names-kam · 22 days ago

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okay i’m sorry to beat a dead horse but i’m angry about this again. i genuinely cannot believe that we did not get an OUNCE of izzy backstory beyond “oh he and ed have known each for a REALLY long time” (and even then there’s inconsistencies in the amount of time implied). like. not one single flashback to his childhood, or to him and ed when they were younger

now, only three characters in the show actually get backstory flashbacks: ed, stede, and jim. why ed and stede get flashbacks is obvious, but jim is interesting because they only really get flashbacks because their backstory in season one affects the show’s plot. after that, they kind of just get pushed to the side

but izzy is an extremely important character from day one, and he becomes even more crucial to the plot in season two. and i think part of the reason why a lot of people still hate his character is because we never get an explanation for WHY he acts the way he does. we can infer, but without anything concrete it’s very easy to just dismiss it as him being an asshole

i really think a flashback to how his and ed’s relationship used to be was very needed, and an explanation for how everything went downhill and why the two of them turned out the way they did. we can gather that they were very close, and their relationship deteriorated due to ed getting bored of being blackbeard, but there’s so many little nuances to their relationship that are never really explained

not to mention that, in my opinion, izzy has more unexplained character details than any other character in the show. roach’s character design has a lot of details, but as far as i’m aware all of them have been explained, just not in-show. and of course wee john has all his tattoos, but those are just kristian nairn’s actual tattoos, so i don’t think they really count as character details

but we never get any kind of explanation (whether in-show or not) for izzy’s “x” tattoo, or the spade on his hand, or why he only wears one leather glove, or the RING ON HIS TIE, or the fucking LASH SCARS ON HIS BACK. those last two especially drive me fucking insane to think about

because with the ring, some people think that con o’neill requested to have it for his mother, but he actually only asked them to change the gem to an emerald. the ring was always going to be there. but, again, why? it’s so strange to me to have a pirate, and especially one who (at least in season one) totes being a pirate as this big, scary, masculine career, wear a dainty little ring around his neck with absolutely no explanation as to why

and with the lash scars, that is SO MUCH makeup and special effects work just for them to a.) never be addressed, even though stede could clearly see them; and b.) be barely even visible to the viewer because of the dim light and the lack of a clear shot of them

and idk if you guys have seen that BTS picture of the scars, but uh. there are a LOT of them. and again, where the fuck did they come from? i use them as fuel for my headcanon that izzy was in the navy, but is that what we’re meant to assume? is that what’s being implied here? or is it that he served on hornigold’s crew with ed and jack, even though that’s also never mentioned? did ed give them to him? we know he canonically enjoys pain (thanks for that at least, guys), at least to a certain extent, so is it meant to be implied that he had that done to him as a kink thing? is it supposed to be a joke and that’s why it’s never addressed?

i truly don’t know. i can talk myself in circles about this for hours, but at the end of the day the only good answers i can think of for why izzy didn’t get a backstory are budget and bad writing. and no, it really isn’t that serious, and i’ll move on eventually, but it’s still just extremely disappointing to me. okay, rant over

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd season 2 #ofmd s2 #ofmd rant #izzy hands #izzy hands ofmd #ofmd critical #kam talks #my post

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bloodycyrano · 9 months ago

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I want to lore dump about my BG3 storyline and OCs so bad, but at the same time I don't want to release any information before it would come out in the future chapters of my fanfic, so to stave off the dark urge, here's.... 🥁🥁🥁

Team Tadpole doing sweet things for each other part 2!

Sometimes, when Astarion has trouble resting at night, Gale will stay up with him and play chess- They started with card games, but Astarion cheats like a fox. He still cheats at chess, but not as often.

Karlach probably notices when her comrades are in pain after battle, and will hug a sack of rocks until they heat up to make a sort of makeshift heating pad for sore muscles.- Bonus points, She'll borrow some scented oils from Halsin to add an element of aromatherapy.

Gale has 100% done talis card readings for Team tadpole when they deal with heavy emotional stuff, if only to help them find their path forward. Maybe he isn't the best at verbal comfort, but magic is one thing he knows he can use for at least some benefit.

I feel like Gale also notices when people aren't dealing well with things, and will purposefully annoy Durge so they have someone to pick on and hopefully feel a little better afterwards. They're definitely the sort of friends that pretend to hate each other, but are there when you need them. Durge definitely brings out his petty side, but its all in good fun. Usually.

While maybe they have a bit of a rocky relationship, I also believe Durge would indulge Gales special interests and let him ramble about things, because they know what it's like to have to shut up to make other people happy. I also feel like Gale would return the favor and deliberately ask about weird, macabre things so that Durge actually has an excuse to bring up topics that interest them.

Wyll has a knitting hobby. You probably wouldn't expect it, but he definitely does. And he's really really good at it, too. He uses every holiday as an excuse to gift people things like socks, scarves, mittens, etc. And I mean EVERY holiday. Earth day, valentines day, national owlbear day (Which is totally not something he made up as an excuse to give people their presents early), etc. The thing is, he notices when people complain about their socks getting worn from traveling, and gets random ideas for gifts at 3 AM, and then spends the rest of the night knitting. He has also been known to make cute little knitted outfits for the group pets in the winter, because he thought Scratch was getting cold.

Adding onto this, Lae'zel is the only person Wyll is willing to go to for a blunt and honest opinion on the gifts he makes before he gives them. Lae'zel doesn't take this lightly, either. While maybe she doesn't show it, she takes this very seriously and is somewhat honored that Wyll came to her instead of anyone else.

Shadowheart tends to replenish Wylls yarn reserve without telling him as well. She asks Lae’zel what colours he's run out of, and then sneak some extra spools into his pack. Wyll still doesn't know who's been doing it, but he's thankful nonetheless. And it's one thing the cleric and the gith can actually be somewhat peaceful about.

Durge doesn't take all of their kills lightly. When it comes to someone they actually respected, there's a ritual they perform afterward that they read about in Withers old temple. They'll grind bone and ash into ink and take time to write out the names of those they respected, and bury it with the bodies. As well as little offerings as well. It isn't a short process either.. Durge will spend the entire night locked in their caravan burning incense, praying their name to Jergal in hopes that the spirit will find rest, and doing little things in honor of the dead.- It isn't hard for team tadpole to figure out when Durge has taken the life of someone they held a genuine respect for, and will be careful not to disturb them, or leave bones or herbs/flowers on the steps of their caravan. Karlach and Astarion will occasionally come to check on them. While maybe it doesn't happen often, it does happen. Withers was particularly surprise to begin receiving prayers after all this time, but it strengthened a sort of bond between the two.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #bg3 durge #dark urge #gale dekarios #baldurs gate tav #lae'zel #shadowheart #wyll ravengard #karlach #scenarios #writing prompt #bg3 scenarios #bg3 withers #jergal

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violivs · 1 month ago

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NMTDaily: Makeup Tutorial feat. A Special Guest!

- Real interesting time to be watching this episode right now. Someone gave me the feedback that it’s kind of cool that I’m so behind on my liveblog because it means you all get to read them and look back on older episodes through the lens of the ones NMTDaily is currently on. I’m really understanding that with this episode.

- Hero is a little angel. Using “sneaky filming techniques”… like hiding a totally different video in the bloopers for this video, mayhaps?

- Claudio is here! He’s the special guest.

- “Dear Claudio” and “my boyfriend does my makeup” - the Hero/Claudio relationship has gone to the next level of official.

- Tea is a love language in this series. Claudio coming in with tea for Hero because he’s trying to impress her is a direct parallel to a later scene where Ben has already made Beatrice tea and they’re sitting in his room with their cups as he tries to comfort her.

- Hero and Claudio’s mugs are plain block colors, showing that they don’t really know each other at all, in comparison to the fact that the mug Ben will choose for Bea is Game of Thrones themed and is her favorite GoT family crest. Because he does know her. (I don’t know GoT well enough to be sure which one, or if they’re even called family crests. Sigils? Anyway.)

- (Also, I can’t remember, is “everyone deserves tea” a Hero line, or is it a Jane Bennett from the LBD line? It could go either way. Kind of the same character archetype, different font with those two.)

- Hero and Claudio are very blushy and nervous around each other. There is no easy rapport- this is still big emotional surface-level crush territory.

- “Just gonna admire the artwork in progress” The first of many subtle lines that show how Claudio sees Hero as a prize, a pretty thing to look at and possess.

- We’re also doing some light reinforcement of heterosexual gender roles: the man is utterly clueless about makeup while the woman knows exactly how to apply fifty different products. Claudio is okay with looking like an idiot in this video because he’s a guy, he isn’t supposed to know anything about makeup. If anyone else made Claudio look foolish regarding any other topic, we would see the sullen, angry side of him come out.

- Fun fact: ya girl is exactly as clueless as Claudio, I wouldn’t have known that wasn’t foundation without the footnote Hero puts onscreen. Or without reading the packaging. Gender roles are fake! I know I could do nicer makeup than Claudio, though, lol.

- Yeah, letting someone who has never done mascara before near your eye with a mascara wand is some scary shit. This shows just how much Hero trusts Claudio.

- “ya wanna know how I got these scars?” I mean, Claudio actively invoking The Joker is extremely on the nose, but it does count as foreshadowing his villainy, so I will mention it. The smiles he causes Hero to smile now will turn painful soon enough.

- Also! Remember that at the costume party, Benedick is Batman. Ben is Batman, and Claudio is Joker.

- Hero kisses Claudio on the cheek, leaving a lipstick stain, and he deadass says “jokes on you, now I look like a ladies’ man”. Because it’s perfectly okay for him to BE a ladies’ man, to show interest in other girls. Men get to do that. It is not okay for Hero to even be implied by a third party to be showing interest in other guys, because women must be perfectly faithful or branded sluts.

- The eyeliner! He writes his name on her cheek. The most direct, on-the-nose statement of Claudio’s view of Hero. “Now people know who you belong to.” Who you belong to. Spine-chilling.

- Hero is right to punch him for that. Interesting that he apologizes for saying it.

- Just the genuine fear on her face about seeing her makeup look, though. And the “Claudio, what have you done to me?” Said in laughter, in a moment of happiness, but also a totally valid line for her to say again later in a much more devastated way. (She doesn’t say it again later, but she could.)

- It IS very sweet that he won’t let her say she looks like a monster, that he keeps telling her how pretty she is and kisses her forehead.

- “The fact that you’d still kiss me now says a lot for our relationship” No, Hero, your boyfriend still liking you when you’re looking goofy is the bare minimum! He should!

- “Your turn” and all she does is put guyliner on him. The minimum level of makeup to not be embarrassing, to still allow him to think he looks sexy. Claudio’s masculinity must be maintained. He does have lipstick on in the following close-up shots, but that could be from kissing her, so plausible deniability.

- “Maybe you could do my makeup for my 16th?” *dun dun DUNNN*

- Hero is back, looking lovely again. She’s going to post outtakes.

- Beatrice is predictably disgusted both by this video and the prospect of outtakes, giving Hero a reason to post the outtakes on Ursula’s channel. Handy.

- “I’m sure one day even you yourself will watch that video” Says Hero, thinking to herself that one day Bea will see how her friends played matchmaker for her and Benedick, and she’ll be happy about it. Very optimistic, Hero. (She also does just mean ‘someday you’ll be in love like this and you won’t think it’s gross.’)

- Beatrice and Hero edited this video together, because Hero knew Bea would hate it, and she needed Bea to swear never to watch the makeup bloopers video. The plan moves along swimmingly…

- In the comment section, Benedick himself is plugging his own response video, “Disgusted” by dropping a link with “that was so disgusting! watch my video if you agree!” I love the character comments.

- If I didn’t know this was a Much Ado retelling, I’d think Ben needs to learn boundaries. The girls already told you to leave them alone, their comment section is not the place to plug your channel, mister. As it is, though, it just screams “hey Beatrice, I thought the makeup video was disgusting too, just like you did! Notice me! Pay attention to me!” This nerd. So obvious. And he genuinely doesn’t even know he’s doing this. Wild. It’s also great that Hero and Bea’s response is to completely ignore him, lol.

- We’ll also see in upcoming videos that Ben’s comment is a reflection of his insecurity about losing Claudio as a friend now that he has a girlfriend.

- Plus, the comment linking his video lets Hero know that Ben has also taken the bait and will not be watching the bloopers video either.

- In the rest of the comment section: many people gushing about how adorable Hero and Claudio are, some people doing so with a tinge of sadness because they know what’s coming, praise for how natural the acting feels in this and all the episodes, and folks picking up on the hints of Claudio’s possessiveness.

- Mooble1325 hits the nail on the head with “they strike the right balance between making him sweet enough that hero would believably like him and already showing that touch of possessiveness that John plays on so well”

- There’s even a comment saying Hero/Claudio are cuter than Jane/Bing! It was always very interesting to compare and contrast different LIWs to each other, I love that.

- Someone also compared Claudio to the youtuber Jim Chapman, and I had to think very hard before remembering who that is. I think there’s a slight blond-white-dude resemblance, it just trips me out to remember how many youtubers I’ve forgotten existed over the years.

- Hero in the video description urging us again to watch the makeup bloopers, you won’t regret it! This will be plot-important! The game is afoot!

💖🥭🦩

#nmtd #nmtdaily #violivs nmtdaily liveblog #makeup tutorial feat a special guest!

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christinescupofcoffee · 25 days ago

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The Suicide of Kelly Baker

Prompt: An infamous serial killer retires from killing and writes award winning crime novels that tell the story of his own murders, and he leaves a subtle confession within his books.

*************

Kelly Baker was my favorite victim. She had the whole package. The red hair, the freckles, and of course, the fact that she came off as bit of a tortured poet. I knew her from my diner, whereby she took a seat to herself on the other side of the room with nothing more than a cup of coffee and a banana nut muffin. Something about her just struck me as out of place: the only red-headed lady to be found in the diner, and as far as I knew for miles abound.

I never saw any redheads in Montana.

She seemed special to me as a result. I had finished my omelette and was in no rush to leave as of yet, and thus, I picked up my cup of coffee and walked on over to her to talk to her. She gazed up at me with these big pool-like eyes as if she had been crying.

I had asked her if she was alright. But she was quite frank and quite terse in her responses to me. Of course, I was just some guy to her, some guy who wanted to pick her up, but that was not my intention for her, however.

I showed her genuine concern because she was sitting over there by herself and there seemed to be a dark cloud lingering over her head all the while. Her face fell when I had explained that to her, and I could tell that I had hit a nerve with it all.

It took me a few tries with the proverbial ice pick to break through her demeanor of permafrost, but I learned that she had had a series of failed relationships behind her, and she wanted nothing more than to have a husband and a family. She was just dying to have a baby.

Dying, you say?

I wasn’t going to be the one to give her a child, but I promised her that it would happen to her some day, as cliché as that was. She showed me a smile and she offered me a bite of her muffin. It was delicious. I had become her friend.

I made her death look like a suicide.

In fact, she was the first one of my string of murders, all of whom I wanted to look as though they were suicidal. I paid both of our bills and then I went back home with her. She confessed to me, albeit with her back to me, that she could feel some chemistry with me, and she was willing to take things to the next level with me. I, meanwhile, had other plans.

I had my gloves on as well as plastic bags over my shoes, and I tightly wrapped the rope around the center of her neck. I choked her until her breaths stopped. She never screamed, which I still find interesting.

To make it look like a suicide, I tied a noose and then slung the other end of the rope over one of the blades of the ceiling fan. Because she wasn’t that big, I managed to pick her up and tuck her head into the loop of the noose. Once suspended, I filled up a glass with water from the tap and poured it over the floor underneath her feet.

The whole trick of hanging yourself after standing up on a block of ice and the ice melts. It also helped that it was warm in the house as well. I made my great escape back out to my car and no one in the neighborhood bat an eye.

I would do it again five more times, and the authorities never figured it out. They figured out my patterns, sure, how I targeted single, troubled women with red hair—even though I also murdered a blonde and even a bald woman—and strangled them and made their deaths look like suicides. In fact, they bestowed me with a nickname: the Bozeman Strangler.

But Kelly was always one whom I will always hold near and dear to me, not because she was my first one, but because there was something almost cherubic about her, like she was innocent and I was helping her end her pain. That was all she really wanted, to bring an end to the pain.

Now, if only I can confess all of this without getting my ass handed to me by way of a Pulitzer Prize.

But I did win a Pulitzer Prize. I won an award for my book, The Suicide of Kylie Barker. I won two awards, actually, a Pulitzer Prize and also Best New Author. I won an award and earned oodles and oodles of money for a book where I had slipped in the full details of her ending as well as the ensuing investigation and my own thoughts during the process, and no one questioned it in the least. In fact, people loved it so much that I was asked to write sequels. I wrote five of them, in fact: my fifth one, I carried out another murder as I was writing it!

I gave the full details of their endings and no one noticed. If I’m being completely honest, I really don’t know if I should be proud of that fact or totally jaded by humanity’s inability to see subtlety before its very eyes.

#my writing #one shot #short story #writing prompt #writeblr #writers on tumblr #prompt fill #horror #text

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louvay · 2 months ago

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Felt quirky today so perhaps I will post my write up on why I love Arthur x Fee.

TLDR: they’re funny together

Long version where you hear me yap at you for approximately 30 minutes: Those two basically have the most fleshed out and refreshing relationship amongst the Fe4 Gen 2 cast, rivaling even Ares x Lene and Nanna x Leif. Fee and Arthur first start off with bantering over one another regarding Fee naming her pegasus Annand and from the get go you have an understanding of what these two’s personalities are casually. Arthur has little tact even when he wants to sound nice and Fee is ironically kinda the opposite of her mom where she’s more outwardly upbeat and somewhat unserious. But even amidst the insults they fling at each other, they both show their own care towards one another with Arthur not wanting to trouble Fee with helping him reach Ulster and Fee basically giving him another chance and accepting him as his partner. Hell, throughout their whole journey from Silesse to Issach, they never asked each other what they were looking for nor what their motivations are. Simply that Fee is as kind as her mother is when it comes to helping others in need according to Ced and Arthur understands that despite her cheerful yet also sulking demeanor, Fee means well. But I am getting ahead of myself here. These two both are looking for their lost siblings and they both team up as partners to help Seliph out as despite Arthur being a bit of a loner, he still wants to repay Fee for ferrying him to Issach.

What’s interesting to think about though is what each person is thinking deep down about this whole situation considering what we know of those two in later convos and in Thracia: They both recently lost or have heard of their mothers’ passing and they both cope with it in their own ways. Fee is cheerful but part of that cheerfulness is a coping mechanism she has for trying to keep herself afloat and she doesn’t want people to only remember her for being cheerful (see: commoner father Fee’s ending if Ced is alive and she is unpaired). In Fe5, Karin mentions to Ced that ever since Erinys’ passing, Fee had to cope with her mother’s death and running Silesse all on her own which put her under a lot of stress to the point where she cries when no one or only Karin is nearby till her eyes are dry. She puts up this air of cheerfulness and resilience when deep down, she is on the edge of crumbling down and wants to become a true knight like her mother and aunt to truly have that fortitude. And Arthur, well you probably know how he copes with his loss. Not only does he put a mask of aloofness and indifference to others but he also exchanges blood for blood, family for family. House Friege took away his mother and sister by force so he’ll even things out. A cheerful Pegasus knight who says everything will be fine but she herself is unsure of it and a cold hearted mage with poor social skills who actually does care enough to wage a battle against an entire family, how odd. It basically is a miracle that those two ever became partners and yet… It makes sense.

Despite not being her loyal knight, Arthur is tactless but honest and Fee understands that he isn’t really that bad of a person and despite being a knight who idealizes chivalry, Fee is genuinely kind and doesn’t fein her altruism. But most importantly, they’re united by their paralleled pains and goals. They both are looking for their family members to have things return to the way they were even if their respective families are effectively fractured.

Moving onto Chapter 8, Arthur warns Fee to stay safe and Fee herself somewhat pokes fun at Arthur finally showing care for someone other than himself (alluding to him being a loner) to which Arthur just states faintly that she’s special to him before heading out and Fee ponders over what her partner in war has uttered. He has feelings for her??? Now Fee has to really assess her whole viewpoint of him and not in a joking matter. But Love is like War and War is as unpredictable as it is inevitable as through the course of their hardships here after, they both fall in love with one another. Perhaps Fee found Arthur to be truly chivalrous with his overprotectiveness and diligence despite his annoyance at knighthood and nobility. And perhaps Arthur just couldn’t fathom a world without Fee’s infectious energy making each day all the more brighter. Life is looking up for them both afterall as they have finally found their respective siblings… and each other too.

Finally in Endgame, we see their relationship present the climax for both of these characters’ arcs. Fee asks Arthur casually in the middle of battle what he’s doing to which he irritatingly replies that he’s fighting, pointing to the tome he’s wielding to which Fee responds with “Hello to you too!” and the banter begins but Fee perceives something that Arthur is about to state badly that tugs at her deeply: No one wants to be around her if all she does is sulk around while others fight. It is effectively her insecurity of being immature and unknightly coming back to taunt her and she isn’t going to have any of it until Arthur stops her and explains to her what exactly he is saying since his tactlessness clouds what he truly feels about her. She gives people the wrong impression that she isn’t serious when she really is or that she doesn’t need to try to do much when she is on her pegasus flying carefree in the skies when Arthur himself knows his partner always tries her hardest to be like her mother and aunt before her. He wants people to know the real Fee because he loves her and wants to be with her when the war ends and to Fee, this all is basically a fairy tale dream coming true for her considering what type of person Arthur is.

In Chapter 8, Fee has a secret event in which she chats to Annand and admits that she hopes she could find someone to marry and settle down with after the war ends. It fits alot with most endings knights have in fairytales where once all the fighting is done, they settle with their true loved ones. Rather fitting for Fee to muse about when you think about it since her mother did tell her tales of chivalry when she was little but then there’s the reality of what really happens in the end for such heavenly knights. Annand was killed remorselessly through underhanded tactics by Pamela and Daccar, dying while not knowing what would happen to Rahna. Erinys did find the love of her life but he left her and her children behind to which Fee still knows the pain of greatly in her conversations with Lewyn if he happens to be said father. Her mother died with a broken heart, her husband not being there for her in the end… will Fee be next? She doesn’t want to be abandoned by someone she loves be it family or otherwise, to have to put up pretenses of everything including herself is fine when she’s not because her heart is torn apart. Fee wants these fairytales to be true because the reality she knows of has shown itself to be unfair time and time again.

And thankfully, abandoning his loved ones in any case would be something Arthur would never be able to do. He knows the pain of isolation all too well and his overprotectiveness of Tine is akin to him repenting for never being there for her and Tailtiu when they were being horribly mistreated. And that overprotectiveness also extends to Fee too if you go back to their convo in Chp 8, be it physically or emotionally. He won’t leave his partner, whom he understands like an open tome, behind and Fee is grateful for that.

And that, my good fellows, is why I like these two partners in war. They basically can fit in with any kind of story be it in a comedic setting or a serious one because their dynamic is endearing and refreshing. Bonus points for if Fee’s father is Lewyn to which Arthur is casually bantering with his princess and/or if Arthur’s father is Azelle and Fee refuses to let him go shoulder the burden of running Velthomer alone, stating that “If we stick together then all the pain in the world won’t keep us down!”

#fe4 #genealogy of the holy war #arthur #fee

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wolfsbane-and-nettles · 3 months ago

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Tl;dr

-hyperfixation change

-I’m a bad writer and other insecurities

-cosplay taking of my life again

-health has flopped.

Thought I’d give y’all a quick update:

“Chosen Horizons” is still on hiatus.

Why? Well, it’s been a few reasons, but the main one being I’ve lost a lot of confidence in my writing. A lot has changed from the current story from the first draft, and I am having to rewrite a whole bunch. Currently, I’ve been stuck on chapter 40 since my last update. I have at least 10 version of that chapter, and none are satisfying.

I feel like a total, utter fraud when I’m writing. Like, I’m already insecure enough, then it had to start affecting my writing.

And then the worst thing happened.

My hyper fixation changed.

The change was genuinely so painful and uncomfortable, because it affected my sleep, my attention etc. then I lost my appetite and my health continued going down.

My cosplay I was working on for a long time was also put to the side in favor of one I felt currently more passionate about.

Fun fact, I’m a master class cosplayer, but have never competed outside my little region, and this time I’ll be competing in a bigger city where you actually need to apply to compete, so I’ve got a deadline I need to meet for that application.

So all my attention has gone to that.

That Con is in October. I also work conventions as a part of my job, so I’m booked all October for traveling to conventions for fun and work.

The , my agency told me they’re moving me from location I worked last year to a new one which started last week…though it is the same job, the age is different, so it is much more stressful than I was ready for.

Now..:before anyone worries that I won’t be coming back to my fic because my hyperfixation changed (valid concern) I can reassure you all that the Tolkien fandom has been my home and my special interest since I was five years old. It is always my home base, and where I turn to for comfort. Even if I can’t crank out chapters due to my energy being elsewhere, I am still here and love you all and the community that The Hobbit, and especially Bagginshield has. I’ve never felt happier in a fandom then when I started actively writing in this one, and feel so at home here.

I’m hoping that I can start uploading the already edited chapters, but with my cosplay occupying my time, im worried I won’t meet my deadline if I do.

Also, let me know if any of y’all would want to see my cosplay stuff! I’ve been tempted to restart my instagram for it or something. My friend and I competed as Frodo and Sam last year and it was so fun. I might upload the skit here if she is okay with me putting it here…I am a little worried about showing my face tho, but it is costume and my face is small on stage lol.

So yeah, that’s my life.

#life update #fanfic writer #sorry for being unreliable

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nightghoul381 · 1 year ago

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Hello! Can I request a Ellis x fem!reader fic?

Genre: Angst

Prompt: Reader's dating Ellis because she fell in love with his supportive and caring side. However after a while reader notices he's actually kind to everyone and starts doubting if he truly loves her or just agree to date out of kindness.

Ty in advance🩵

Hello Anon, finally came across a day I was feeling angsty enough to write this. I hope you enjoy it!

Pairing: Ellis Twilight x Reader Genre: Angst WC: ~1k CW: Feelings of inadequacy and generally not a pleasant read.

A/N: Feeling depressed today definitely pushed me to write this, trying to get some of my emotions out... ended up writing another, more angsty and sad story immediately after this... not sure if I'm going to share that one though.

Reader's dating Ellis because she fell in love with his supportive and caring side. However after a while reader notices he's actually kind to everyone and starts doubting if he truly loves her or just agree to date out of kindness.

It’s not supposed to feel this way. Being in a relationship, you’re supposed to feel like the other is genuinely happy to be with you, to spend time with you, the love you. But these days it feels like a façade. Does he truly want to be in a relationship? Is he only dating you because you agreed it would make you happy?

Ellis is incredibly sweet, caring and attentive…to everyone. At first, you hadn’t really acknowledged that he treated everyone this way. You were spending quite a lot of time with him one on one between missions and had grown to love that gentle, eager to please side of him that he so rarely didn’t show. You had gotten used to him bending over backwards to do things to make you happy.

In those days you’d told yourself that he must be interested in you, otherwise, why would he be working so hard to make you happy? Surely he must be interested in more…right?

The way he smiled when you asked him to be your boyfriend made your heart sing. You know now that the brightness in his eyes was purely due to you expressing your own happiness. He couldn’t care less about the status of your relationship. His only focus was happiness.

The happiness of you, of the other members of Crown, of anyone he seemed to come across.

The kindness you had felt was unique to you started showing up more and more in his interactions with other people. The soft smile upon seeing the joy on a child’s face as he gave them a sweet. The way he would always ask, ‘would that make you happy?’…all of his previously sweet and endearing qualities now seemed like a slap in the face.

Even asking him about it was pointless. He would look at you with those puppy dog eyes and you couldn’t continue asking him why he didn’t treat you any different from anyone else. You had once tried to ask him if he was happy being in a relationship with you. He turned it around saying that if you were happy, then he was happy.

He wasn’t invested in the relationship like you were. He just wanted everyone to be happy. Everyone, equally. There was no room in his heart for someone to stand out and take priority. It was too painful to see how much his devotion to you was really just him being kind as he is with everyone.

You thought you could make things different, that you could at least get him to fall for you. You were dating, after all. So try as you might to draw out any inner feelings he may have, he remained the same. His face plastered with that sweet, gentle smile that you had fallen for, always asking if you were happy.

It’s becoming too much. You need this to stop. It hurts knowing you aren’t good enough to change his mind. That you aren’t enough at all.

That’s why you’re here now, seated across from him at a small café. You can’t get too upset if you’re around people.

“Ellis. I need to know,” you start, voice shaky and throat tight.

“Am I special to you?” Ellis gave his trademark smile and nodded. “Of course you are. I love it when you’re happy. It makes me happy when others are happy.”

You let out an exasperated sigh. “I don’t want to be like ‘others’ I want you to care more about my happiness than anyone else’s. And more than that. I need to know. Do you want to be with me? Regardless of my opinion or whether or not it will make me happy. I need you to tell me. Does being in a relationship mean anything to you?”

Ellis looks stunned for a moment, before his mouth sets in a straight line and his eyes close.

“You looked so happy when you asked me to be your boyfriend. I had to keep that happiness on your face,” he admits finally, his sunset eyes easing open and fixing on you.

“I want you to be happy. I want to make you happy.”

The additional words seem to fall over you like a bucket of cold water. He didn’t care. This relationship was built on nothing more than your own infatuation. He wasn’t interested in a relationship, not with you, not with anybody. He just did whatever would earn him a smile.

The realization that this whole time you were the only one developing feelings, the only one craving time together, the only one hiding yourself between the false smile you always wore these days.

You stood up, fighting to stop the way your body was trembling as you look at Ellis and say,

“I don’t think this relationship is going to work. I’m going to go now.”

Ellis looks surprised, asking you why you would want such a thing when you were so happy with him… why wouldn’t you want to keep being happy.

At last you look at him and spit out your parting words, “I can’t be happy with you. Seeing the way you treat everyone the exact same way you teat me, hurts more than you can ever know. I’m supposed to be the most important person in your life. I am clearly not. I don’t think you’re capable of letting one person take priority over another. You aren’t capable of showing true, unfettered love. I can’t do this anymore. Goodbye Ellis.”

With your last sentence cut off by a choked sob, you run out of the restaurant.

Alone at last you let the tears fall. The tears of what had happened, the tears of what could have been, the tears that you had been right all along. You should never have dated him. You should never have allowed yourself to open up to him, to show him your truest, honest love. He would never be able to reciprocate such unrequited feelings, and it was time to accept that and move on. You would never be enough.

#ikevil #ikemen villains #ikevil ellis #ellis twilight #ikemen villains ellis #angst #ikevil fanfictfion #ikevil angst #tw: depressive thoughts

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billskaarsgard · 1 year ago

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"A Place in My Heart" - Bucky Barnes x f! Reader

Not me again trying some writing as I'm doing nothing this whole weekend hehe. I've been thinking about how Bucky would be such a fluff gentleman if he had a girlfriend or something, so I had in mind some romantic friend/boyfriend shot. Although he wants peace, being the Winter Soldier will somehow always put him and his love interest in danger.

(Y/N) = Your Name

(Y/S) = Your surname

Word count: 995

Bucky was always alert in the midst of the chaos in which he still lived inside his mind, mainly because he couldn't – and no matter how hard he tried – get rid of the dark past. Every day the hard and cold nightmares of a parallel reality haunted him, waking him up scared and with a trembling body, sweaty and stiffened by the memories that still sounded vivid in his dreams. The last time he didn't feel a bit out of his mind was when he moved to the new apartment, where he saw that he would have peace, comfort and even a “hug” from the place that conveyed serenity and security. Since the post-mission against the Flag Smashers, Barnes hasn't had much time to go back to dealing with the past few years in a caring way, specially because he doesn't feel like talking openly about his Winter Soldier stint as a serial killer. The new Winter Soldier was considered more “beloved”, even if he still carried with him the marks of what he tried, for years, to erase from his memory. The man woke suddenly, metallic arm clenched into a tight fist as an automatic defense, irregular heart beats and trembling hands showing signs of yet another agonizing experience. Bucky felt sweat dripping from his spore and grabbed a bottle of water, wetting his parched, burning throat. (Y/N)'s head popped through the small gap in the bedroom door, the light from the hallway illuminating a bit of your body.

"You alright? I heard you scream.” (Y/N) met Bucky a few months ago, when you first spoke with someone experienced and who knew the amazing Captain America. At the time, the two of you – oddly enough, and Barnes was never one to say so many words, besides always keeping a frown of distrust – got along well and you knew that silent side of him, and didn't blame him. The journalist published an article in which she reported the last interactions between James and Steve, before the Captain returned to time. When you met Sam, the friend tried, in a very discreet way, so that (Y/N) could pass on government information to them, and ended up becoming a great trusthful to them. That night, you were taking care of a project while waiting for Barnes to get back from another mission, which he didn't want to say what it was.

“Shit, it never ends,” he growled as he set the bottle on top of the nightstand. "If I had a choice, I would have asked them to permanently erase my memory." He sounded disappointed, and even though he didn't see him so well in the dark, (Y/N) could see a look of pain. The woman entered the room, sitting on the edge of the bed, resting a hand on his shoulder. She was never invasive and always respected the soldier's space, even though there she saw a true and genuine friendship between the two, and that Bucky could trust you, despite keeping himself almost always closed.

“James, you know you need to go back and keep seeing Christina. I get it, what you went through was something you can't shake off, but you have to stay sane to survive”, (Y/S) caught a glimpse of her friend nodding. Of course, he knew that, but he often ended up closing himself off from the world, especially from Sam Wilson, who he was always with.

“I don't know what else I can do,” Barnes sighed, holding your hand, which was still resting on his shoulder. "I have nowhere to run". The man in front of you showed such fragility, you had practically never seen that about him. You knew about the nightmares, the flashes of memory, the memories that still roamed through his super-soldier body, but you didn't know how to deal with the moments when he struggled against all the trauma he had lived, trapped in his mind without being able to get rid of them.

“Bucky,” you called him, gently cupping his chin so that he would look at you. The crack of light in the hallway showed a body tired of fighting so much against it all. "You've been through a lot so far, you deserve to live like a guy, who we all now consider a hero." He let out a nasal laugh. “You deserve that redemption, mainly because you recognize that now everything you do is for the good of people. Fuck what they think, fuck it. I know it still hurts to remember the death of Yori's son, but that wasn't you." He looked down resentfully. (Y/N)'s words, even if painful, were quite harmonious, and made him – somehow – less guilty about his personal issues.

“Thank you, (Y/S). Seriously. I needed to hear this. I just hope I can go back to dreaming less about all this”, he said. “How about we go somewhere tomorrow, drink some beers or some coffee?”, Barnes questioned, a smirk formed on his lips and his face already looked more relieved. The journalist nodded and smiled at her friend, getting up from the bed to leave the room.

"Try to sleep again, tomorrow will be a new day", (Y/S) stopped in the doorway to wish him good night, seeing that he was already getting ready to go to bed again.

“Good night, (Y/S). While you're still here, go to sleep and finish your article tomorrow, otherwise I will kick you out in the middle of the night”, Bucky shot in a playful way. (Y/N) laughed at the way he spoke to her. You took the opportunity to spend the night at his house so you could settle the matter about John Walker, and – charmingly – he asked you not to come home late. Even though he exuded a "princey man", you knew James wasn't in the right frame of mind to get involved with anyone right now, and it wasn't something you were thinking about either, even though your relationship was one of extreme tenderness.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky fanfic #the winter soldier #the winter soldier fanfic #if anyone cares let me know if this sucks

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merchantarthurn · 1 month ago

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a lot can and has been said about miraculous and where it fails but truly i can only ever praise the writing choices behind marinette when it comes to the genuine emotional depth she has. i will be rambling. also about late season/new special spoilers cos goddamn

it's fun to be irreverent about this show because... well it's a fun kids show - it's irreverent about itself, just without the irony poisoning that often comes with that these days. but some of mlb's highs are... honestly so high... i'm feeling a lot about my girl this handy 4am so here's a ramble

with this new special im reminded again at the fantastic way marinette has been built up over the seasons and how her greatest strengths are simultaneously her flaws and that she's... complicated and messy in a way that captures how it feels to be a 14 yr old girl honestly. she IS a normal girl with a normal life in the sense that no, she isn't, but maybe you are or you will be in a few years and maybe it'll feel like this actually.

the way marinette tackles responsibilities when she has to be secretive is genuinely such an interesting and refreshing take for any piece of media let alone one that's aimed at kids!! the way that the flaws that come out in those moments are very heavily shown to not make her a bad person!! that the narrative sympathises with the way she fails. argh!!

like... honestly Gang Of Secrets (S4) showed it show clearly and im so happy to see it come up again (even if it pains me cos get her outta there!!!). defensiveness, anger, hyper independence, control. pushing away her support network because her civilian friends cannot know her secrets and that's basically like not being able to help, and eliminating them from her life means less variables to control for when she's planning how to keep paris safe. how much fear is behind her anger, how much desperation is clear in all aspects of production (did i mention the voice cast of this show actually is insane sometimes?? my god) and like... fuck me man she might have pulled herself out of the "maybe i should just be ladybug all the time, what's the point of being marinette right now" spiral pretty fast but that... hit something that felt really close to real, scary feelings i'll admit i think it came close to triggering me when I first saw it. and that was a weighty secret but there was at least an escape to it - ladybug pretty openly has secrets that most people respect, marinette cannot openly have that secret or it's as good as over.

then this fucking... season 5 finale and special... oh my god the escalation. and yet it's so. IN CHARACTER. control what people know, tell as few people as possible, defend your initial instincts. and now ladybug is part of the lie. she's lied to both her civilian boyfriend and the public and if at any point that slips... it's not just her who gets hurt! literally the worst case scenario: what she feared happens ten-fold to adrien because she lied about it and it doesn't even need to go public.

i've definitely seen people frustrated that she lied but fuckkk man she's 14. what happened in that basement triumph, realisation that there was no good way this would end, betrayal with an olive branch in hand, watching a person die (I do not care if he sucked as a father and tenfold with the secret stuff he was up to - relationships with abusive parents are not that simple and it was always going to be devastating to adrien and frankly good on mlb for keeping that door open as a potential thing to explore. also marinette is 14 and watching someone DIE), and having someone's last verbal wish be "please don't tell my son about this". i mean goddamn. at my ripe age of nearly 30 can say i'm not sure what i would have done with that.

i've already had several rants aloud about this and multiple zone outs so im going to cut myself off before i go... bonkers but... my god what an emotionally interesting place for season 6 to jump off of

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charmspoint · 11 months ago

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idk if i'm poking a hornet's nest, if i am, feel free to ignore this ask. i just wanted to know: what are your thoughts on jjk? i'm genuinely really interested because i've started reading it and i'm really enjoying it so far. and i love how it's inspired so much fanwork and analysis, but also, a bit of criticism. idk ... what's your response to it? sorry for sending such a vague ask!

Oh don't worry at all, if there is one thing I can be counted on is to share my opinion on p much anything I can have an opinion on, loudly and in length.

So here are few things to consider before giving my opinions any weight

I don't read shonen because I think it will be good hjbhbh this sounds mean but like, as frustrating as it is, shonen not being As Good As I Would Like It To Be, is kind of the point. I almost NEVER write fanfics about manga i really truly love. If i asked my followers now I don't know if they would be able to name my fav manga n anime. I read shonen to have something to write about, to have something to fill out and develop.

Shonen focuses a lot on fights. I don't care about fights. My primary interests when I'm reading are A. Characters B. World building. Shonen has these but they are never the focus, the focus is setting up a cool way to have a cool fight, whatever that means in the world of the particular story. This of course doesn't apply to every shonen manga, don't come for me, but it applies to a lot of the popular ones and it applies to JJK

All that to say: I'm not the target audience and I know it, if you are looking for an opinion of someone who really really really likes shonen manga and is into the major aspects of it that's not me and I won't give you any useful insight on that.

Onwards with my thoughts:

JJK is really really fun at the beginning! If you just started reading it you are in for a fun time for a good bit. The characters are interesting and show a lot of promise, the central themes are cool, the designs are badass and it has one of the better adult supporting cast which I, as an adult who can no longer really identify with teen protags, really appreciate. It has amazing villains, some of the better treated women in shonen (tho keep in mind that is a very low bar) and enough emotional content to keep you digging for more. It had me teared up at least once! It's world is very interesting and the psychology and the make up of it are just MADE for someone like me who specializes in studying pain and grief and death to splash around in.

It's just that after a bit...it stumbles. I think it's p much unanimously agreed at this point that the shibuya arc was the high note after which the manga very very slowly started getting dull. The nature of where it was headed meant that a lot of new characters had to be introduced only to be immediately discarded. It was a death game where it didn't really feel like the main characters were in danger which, after Shibuya which had a high death toll on known and bellowed characters, just had me kind of disinterested. Death game with no stakes is BAD. It's hard to explain all the ways i just kind of stopped caring. Combination of the inflation of the cast with characters I didn't care about while leaving the old ones by the wayside. Feeling like the most interesting of new characters got sidelined (suspiciously mostly women...remember what i said about the low bar), while the boring ones stuck around. It started feeling rare that the manga hits an emotional point (it did happen, it was this era of the manga in which it almost brought me to tears) but even the hits would get undermined with something later that made them stumble and fall flat. A lot of promising, cool things, conversations, backstory details, interactions that were expected and predicted from the first half just kind of fizzled out, didn't happen, or were done so quickly and offhandedly that it got me saying 'is that really how he's gonna do this'. It was just a pile of small disappointments that grew and grew until I found myself not as excited for the new update like i once was, till i found myself completely forgetting to check if the new chapter was there or not.

All in all, I would place JJK very close to BNHA in terms of my feelings for it: Very promising but can't live up to its own ideas. Or to be fair, can't live up to my ideas. Every time I check in Gege seems to be having a blast and in the end that's what's most important. I'm just someone writing in the blanks he left behind according to my own interests lol.

#anon #answered #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk critical #very lightly lol im not invested enough anymore to be brutal about it #anyway feel free to ask me anything any time i love talking

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invested-in-your-future · 1 year ago

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How do you plan of handling Yang's disability?

Oh boy, where to begin?

I think to start, it's important to remember just how fetishized the idea of "prosthetic/cybernetic limbs" is overall. And not just in stuff like the cyberpunk genre, but even going as far back as major wars and the need to trivialize soldier injuries. If you can "fix them back up" - it's alright, right?

It's pretty common to treat prosthetics as "superpower". Cyberpunk genre is filled with cool prosthetic gun arms and the like, which is part of the genre, I get that. And there's interesting way somewhere in there about exploring concept of transhumanism.

But when it comes to trauma - it is not a "superpower" or "upgrade".

There aren't many ways to "win" at writing a prosthetic arm storyline.

It's why, when V4 was coming up, I did not want the show to give her one. And not just because very few fictional characters go through something like that and NOT use this trope.

In a lot of ways, "writing a prosthetic" can turn the story away from "writing about a character who lost an arm" and into "writing AROUND them losing an arm" - so the the characters in the story (and thus writers) and the audience don't have to "deal with it".

The writer doesn't have to think about all the small details when setting a scene, like "now how would this character open a door" or even stuff like "can this character stumble or fall and how writing that would work". Let alone anything with action because the mind will ALWAYS jump over the fact that there's only one, for example, arm.

I remember imagining a lot of mistakes a show could make and RT walked right into most of them - pretending everything was normal, hiding her prosthetic arm (in the story or marketing) behind clothing, NEVER mentioning it at all, nor dealing with experience and trauma that a loss like that causes (because, as RT people put it, "It would be boring"). They even blew past my lowest expectations by literally having a sexual predator character compare PTSD to fear of MICE.

There are so many ways to mess up that it's genuinely scary. The arm is this "ultra-special-magic one-of-a-kind" thing? Pitfall. The prosthetic is an upgrade that allows a person to do something better than before? Pitfall. The story becomes more about the prosthetic than the character's experiences of using a prosthetic? Pitfall. Even the commonly used trope of "oh wow, this prosthetic is JUST like the real thing" IS a pitfall (if you are writing a prosthetic that is exactly like the real thing, then you are effectively writing around it and are just doing "it magically grew back" trope but with more words).

And that's before even getting into stuff like psychological effects such an experience causes or even less thought about physiological ones like phantom pain (if it's written as psychological effect? That's another insta-failure - the pain is an actual physical sensation tied to how the nervous system functions - people just LOVE throwing it together with psychological effects because it's the least researched part of such trauma and by doing so partake in little bit of ableism by implying people IMAGINED it)

It might sound counterproductive, but adding at least a somewhat accurate portrayal of the difficulties and differences of using a prosthetic IS important - the worst thing one can do, IMO, is to erase the trauma by pretending it's "fixed" or "normal" now.

Trauma doesn't make you LESS of a person (unlike how people at RT seem to think). And neither does using or not using prosthetics (unlike how people at RT seem to think)

Now, mind you, I am not going to go - "nobody should ever write prosthetics into the story". Escapist fiction is fine, and empowering stories are fine, but what's important is to think about how it fits - maybe the setting requires it? Maybe characters are going through the idea of using it as part of dealing with what happened?

The key question is always WHY. Why does Yang need one? Is it part of her internal struggle? Is it something she is coerced into by people around her? Does she feel like she needs something like that to "appear normal to people who would otherwise have a problem with her"? (Expectations of society overall are a pretty decent angle to go about writing something like this) Why do prosthetics exist in the story? Are they there just to be cool or the presence in the narrative is used as part of some wider theme?

I am TRYING to write her as someone who has to live with what happened. If there's a prosthetic, then it's an additional tool, but NOT a solution to her problems. The issue with Yang is that she WANTS a quick solution, in part wanting to buy into the illusion of "normalcy". She is also someone easily frustrated when that simply is not working as intended. She does not handle change well, she does not handle self-introspection well and she does not handle being forced to actually do any sort of soul-searching well. Because its always easier to invest into routine, escaping into sense of repetition rather than to take a look inside.

Just like Ruby longs for simple explanations to complex moral dilemmas, Yang wants quick solutions to complex issues.

So, if anything. she is not just going to plop a prosthetic arm in, hide it under her clothes and forget about it.

#rwby #rwde #yang xiao long

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