#genuinely i find it allows so much creative decision making and expression during runs

[thecosmicapple]

I FUCKING BEAT SPELUNKY AFTER 192 HOURS FUCK YES

[star-maiden]

Weekly Tarot Forecast: Mars Retrograde Edition 10/13/20 - 10/18/20

Happy October! With two full moons this month, and Mercury going retrograde in Scorpio on 10/13/20, we are in for a bit of a wild ride. There will likely be some pretty intense energies coming up for us in the next few weeks. To help us navigate the storm a bit better, this week I channeled in some guidance from Spirit. The following will be an intuitive reading focused on how this Mercury retrograde will show up in our lives. This is a reading for the collective. As such, not everything will ring true for you and that’s ok. Please take only what resonates and leave the rest. You’ll want to check your sun, moon and rising signs for the message or messages that are meant for you. May this reading serve you well in the week ahead.

Mercury is the planet that rules intellect and information. Its energies influence how we are showing up in the world intellectually, our mental capabilities and all forms of communication. When Mercury goes retrograde, there is a higher probability for misunderstandings and miscommunication to occur. This Mercury retrograde will feel especially intense as it will enter its retrograde motion while in the sign of Scorpio. This will have a profound influence on our emotions, and we may find ourselves and others being more reactive than usual. Additionally, water signs may be influenced more profoundly than any other sign (cancer, scorpio and pisces). Scorpio is the sign of intensity, deep emotions, transformation and mystery. Nothing about Scorpio is done in half-measures! We may experience this Mercury retrograde + Scorpio energy as a sudden revelation of secrets or previously hidden motives. This may be quite jarring for some, and many of us may find ourselves surprised at what comes to the surface with the people around us. On a more optimistic side, we can utilize the energy of this Mercury retrograde to clear the air. This will be a powerful opportunity to lay everything out on the table, and set the stage for healing to begin within ourselves or with our close relationships. Nothing can really remain hidden for long during a Mercury retrograde in Scorpio.

You will notice that all of the readings are focused on communication and making sure we are listening and being understood by others.  I hope this reading will help you discern where you might need to focus your attention to get the most benefit in the coming weeks, and that you will be able to use these messages to better navigate this Mercury retrograde season.

♈ - Aries: The Chariot - The first week of the Mercury retrograde will bring a swift decision for you. This situation is characterized by fast moving energy, and may in fact already be in motion. You’ll need to make sure that you are being upfront with others for any decision that you need to make this week. You’ll also want to make sure that others are being just as honest with you. Ask questions and use clarifying statements to ensure that you understand what the other person is saying. Don’t let anyone distract you from the truth.

♉ - Taurus: Five of Wands - This Mercury retrograde brings with it a high potential for conflict with others. The nature of this conflict will depend on who is in your social circle, be they coworkers, classmates, friends or neighbors. Although these are likely to be nothing more than petty arguments and differences of opinion, you’ll want to take care to avoid them if you can. If you notice a situation starting to get weird, disengage as politely as you can, and wait for the storm to blow over.

♊ - Gemini: Seven of Pentacles - The Mercury retrograde will influence an area of your life that deals with a project, goal or idea. There is a good chance of being misled, or of misleading others when it comes to communicating the progression of this project, goal or idea. Take care not to exaggerate or undersell yourself. Be as honest and as factual as possible. If this is a project or goal involving others, take steps to ensure that everyone is being upfront.

♋ - Cancer: Ace of Cups - This Mercury retrograde will have the most effect in an area related to your relationships. This may be romantic in nature, but it is also possible that this is a friend. Since this is likely someone you usually get along with quite well, the conflicting energy of Mercury retrograde may come as a bit of a shock to you. If this happens, try to keep in mind that Mercury retrograde can cause us all to communicate poorly, and that this particular retrograde is occurring in Scorpio. Emotions are likely to be running high, and you and your loved ones may be more reactive than usual. To help mitigate some of this intense energy, honesty will go a long way to clear the air. Try to be as clear as you can about your needs, and try to level the playing field a bit by remaining calm and clear headed.

♌ - Leo: Judgement - You may find that others are forming judgements about you during this Mercury retrograde. This will be due to misunderstandings about your motives, beliefs or ideals. You may find yourself under some scrutiny by those around you, or even strangers. In this situation, it's healthy to first consider how important these people are to you. If they are strangers, or people that you don’t particularly like, it may be best to just remove yourself from the situation. Let it all blow over. However, if these are your loved ones, you may find yourself wanting to correct their misconceptions. If this happens, know that you will have more success if you lay out the facts first. People who genuinely care about us will usually understand if we just sit down and take the time to explain our feelings and perspectives to them.

♍ - Virgo: Two of Swords - This Mercury retrograde will show up for you in the form of a block or a decision that seems impossible to make. You may have felt stuck in some area of your life previously. If this is the case, then this retrograde will uncover the information that you need in order to move forward. This information that comes to light may be unpleasant, but it will be necessary to listen and observe without falling into a habitual or reactive state in order to heal and move on. Additionally, there is the possibility that you or someone close to you will be in a state of denial about something. They or you will feel unable to move forward because all of the facts have not been considered. If this shows up for you, you can make a game plan. What could you do in the next 5 minutes to make a change? This doesn’t have to be a big change. Sometimes all we need to do to move past a block is to get the ball rolling.

♎ - Libra: Ace of Wands - This Mercury retrograde will be most apparent in your life in areas of work, school, projects or new ideas. These ideas may be related to your spirituality in some way. You will need to make sure you are searching for clarity in these areas before you will find success. Don’t move forward with anything until you are sure that you have all the facts. There is a lot of information that will be coming to light during this retrograde, so don’t make any final decisions just yet. If you can avoid making any final plans, do so. Mercury retrograde really isn’t the best time to be moving forward with any big plans or projects. It would be better to wait until Mercury stations direct in early November. However, if you feel that you will miss your chance if you wait, make sure you are communicating clearly and that others are being clear with you in return.

♏ - Scorpio: Seven of Wands - There is a strong theme of disagreements and the need to defend your perspective, choices or opinions. You may find that others around you are much more reactive than usual, and they may blow things out of proportion if they don’t understand where you’re coming from. Really, it’s much better to avoid any conflicts if you can. But if you feel that you are in a position where you have no other choice, be sure that you can back up all of your arguments with facts and well constructed opinions. Others will be more likely to see reason if you approach the situation logically.

♐ - Sagittarius: Knight of Pentacles - There is a lot of stable, steady energy around you during this Mercury retrograde. Progress toward any goal or project should be focused, clear and straightforward. This is great news for you! However, there is the potential for others to misinterpret your careful planning and progress as laziness or reluctance. It will be important for you to rationalize why it is better for you to move at a slow and steady pace. Communicate these reasons as clearly as possible to avoid any misunderstandings.

♑ - Capricorn: Page of Wands - You may find that others misunderstand your personal or creative expression during this Mercury retrograde season. This may manifest in relation to your fashion choices, your personality, music tastes or interests. Similar to the advice we saw for Leo, you will want to consider how important the opinions of the people around you are at this moment. Are these people you are close to? Do they care about you? If so, they will likely listen if you explain your perspective. Remember that Mercury retrograde can cause people to misunderstand, and Mercury retrograde in Scorpio makes people more reactive than usual. If these are not people who are close to you, consider where your energy is needed. You can explain and defend yourself if you want to, but you don’t owe this to anyone. Let unimportant opinions roll right off your back.

♒ - Aquarius: Six of Wands - In true aquarian fashion, you are going to find a way to take advantage of the Mercury retrograde in Scorpio energy, and turn it to your advantage. This is innovative and free thinking at it’s finest! In the coming weeks, you will be able to use some information or truths drawn out by the Mercury retrograde + scorpio energy to your advantage. This may allow you to gain the upperhand in a project, competition or area concerning work or school. This may also manifest as you being able to gain new insights on something that leads you to a new awareness or epiphany. A word of caution though. There is a high probability that others may view you as acting in an underhanded fashion, especially if the information you gain is detrimental to them in some way. There are two ways of handling this. First , be sure that you are being honest with yourself and that you’re truly aren’t doing anything underhanded. This will get you in trouble down the road. Second, if you are sure of yourself, try to communicate the situation to those around you in such a way that all can benefit from it. You will have more buy in this way.

♓ - Pisces: Six of Cups - The energy coming up for you during this Mercury retrograde is related to your past. You may notice that something you thought was over and done with is showing up again in some way. It will be important to remember that this thing, situation or belief from your past likely holds little value for you today. It is time to let it rest for good. If this is a situation that involves others, you can make it clear to them that you are ready to let it go by saying so. Be sure to tell them calmly, but in no uncertain terms that you are done talking about it. You’ve moved on and so should they. Don’t be afraid to set some boundaries. Alternatively, if this situation is related to something more internal, such as shadow work or personal growth, you will want to be honest with yourself. What purpose is this past energy serving in your life? If it isn’t doing any good, it’s time to let it go. Use the energy of the Mercury retrograde in scorpio to draw it to the surface, and lay it to rest.

[mcleaha]

hello lovelies ! i’m bøffy , i’m 20 years old , prefer she/her pronouns , and currently reside in the pst timezone ! uhh . . . i am posting this intro at nearly 5 AM my time , and i would be almost willing to bet it’s littered with errors and it’s . . . probably a bit all – over – the – place since this is very much a new muse ! however , with that being said , if you give this a like , i will definitely contact you via tumblr ims or d!scord ( 𝓲𝓷𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓪 / 𝓮𝔁𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓪#1384 ) to plot !

[  jasmine brown  . 21  .  cis female .  she/her  ] just saw MALEAH AMICK dragging their suitcase up the steps to CABIN 1B  .  good luck living with HER  ,  i hear that that they’re INDECISIVE  ,  FORGETFUL ,  SOCIABLE  & CREATIVE  .  Apparently they’re the ATTACKING MIDFIELDER .  let’s hope the upcoming season doesn’t affect their JUNIOR year of ART EDUCATION .

STATS:

name: maleah amick .

nickname(s): leah .

age: twenty one .

gender identity: cis female .

pronouns: she/her .

sexual orientation: bisexual / biromantic .

birthday: 26 february 1999 .

zodiac sign: pisces .

myer-briggs: esfj .

pinterest: coming soon !

HISTORY:

               born on the 26th of february 1999 in orlando , florida , maleah was the youngest of the three amick siblings . her mother worked as a prestigious board – certified pediatric surgeon at a local children’s hospital , and her father worked as a high school mathematics teacher and volunteered as the school’s unpaid soccer coach , a move that saved the program from ending due to budget cuts ( he claims he was roped into the position as a first – year teacher with no seniority , but while he’s reluctant to admit it , he eventually grew a passion for the sport he had previously known little about ) .

               with her mother’s long shifts and emergency work – related calls , she ultimately became closer to her father and two older brothers while growing up . most knew her father as a man who towered over them at 6’7” , ordering his team to run laps or practice drills ; however , maleah knew him as the man who would crawl around the living room floor playing barbies with her or would prepare fruit and herbal teas as she twirled around dressed as a princess , declaring it time for a royal tea party . just as easily , she could be found exploring the great outdoors or playing whatever sport was currently in season alongside her brothers .

               she practically followed in her brothers’ footsteps . as they approached high school , each brother chose one sport to specialize in , hoping to secure a position on a college team and eventually on a professional team . maleah did not have professional athletic goals , but although she had immaculate grades with limited effort put towards academics , she knew extra – curricular activities were important for college applications . thus , when it was maleah’s turn to choose which sport to pursue , rather than having to weigh the pros and cons and make her own decision ( or perhaps , fearing that she would make the wrong decision ) , she simply chose the sport that her brothers had previously chosen : soccer .

               her high school coach knew the perfect position for maleah . years of informal practice with her brothers in the backyard had enhanced her skills . she had learned how to evade skilled high school defenses by pretending as if she was heading in one direction before bolting in the other .  soccer was one of the few areas in life in which she possessed enough knowledge to make quick and effective decisions ; she could read the field and immediately determine the best course of action : dribble , pass , or shoot . ultimately , she possessed the vision and the creativity necessary to secure playmaking and goal-scoring opportunities for her team .

               with a line of college scholarships , both academic and athletic , waiting for the attacking midfielder’s choice ( unfortunately , none from either of the schools her brothers played for ) , the time came for maleah to make a decision . as deadlines for summer practices , class registration , and tuition payments crept closer , she finally determined a means of deciding . she numbered her offer letters , 1 through 13 , and allowed a random number generator to make the decision for her . thus , mere chance ( or perhaps fate ) led maleah to hollis university .

               her first semester at hollis was . . . rough , to put it lightly . while most freshman shed a few tears as they watched their parents’ car drive off into the distance , homesickness lingered in maleah’s life . coasting through high school with limited effort had done her zero favors ; with no effective study skills , her grades dropped dramatically . between soccer and trying to salvage her grade point average , a social life was virtually out of question . ultimately , she found herself on academic probation , unable to play soccer , for her second semester of freshman year at hollis .

               luckily , she was able to develop effective study habits , and even discovered along the way that maybe pre – med was not the best major for her . when asked what she wanted to do , maleah gave an entire list of generic answers – “i want to help people” and “i want to make a difference” came up quite often , but nothing specific enough to point her in the right direction . thus , she changed her major almost every semester , desperately seeking for the right fit . in the meantime , though it took several letters petitioning her temporary removal from the team , she was able to resume playing soccer during her sophomore year .

               as junior year approached , maleah was almost certain that she was back in her coach’s good graces – no longer viewed with a sense of skepticism . she had proven herself capable , finding her name on the dean’s list nearly every semester and assisting her team in numerous wins throughout the soccer season . however , with hollis’ soccer teams’ restructuring , maleah can’t help but question if her coach views her as a valued athlete or a liability .

PERSONALITY:

               two words : social butterfly . almost to a fault . even if someone has expressed quite literally zero interest in talking to her / getting to know her , she will still make an attempt . kind of a . . . people – pleaser , in a sense , she just wants to be well – liked ?

               avoids ! conflict ! at ! all ! costs ! generally just . . . tries to avoid people or situations that upset her . not very prone to like . . . yelling or crying , but those close to her can definitely sense a change in her demeanor when she’s upset ? just . . . a lot more tense , probably lots of eye – rolling and just . . . subtle , quiet signs that she is over whatever the problem is .

               kinda . . . chill , mellow , easygoing ? she very much lives in the moment , and tries not to stress too much about the future . always down for a drink , a party , whatever – genuinely just around for some fun and some friends !!!

               the kind of person who genuinely gets excited over like those fun facts and jokes that are on popsicle sticks and whatnot – absolutely must share the information with everyone within earshot . honestly , those jokes are very . . . on point with her own personal sense of humor jflakdsj .

HEADCANONS:

               she suffers from a terrible case of youngest child syndrome . ultimately , without guidance , she’s terribly irresponsible . she’s always having to run extra laps because she sets her alarm too late to make it to morning practices on time . she’s always receiving overdraft fees for spending more money than is available in her checking account . forgets everything – from homework assignments to names to grabbing her keys before locking the door on her way out . just . . . imagine a child asking for an adult’s help and her looking around until she comes to the realization that “ oh , shit , i am an adult ” .

               she’s practically always doodling – in the corners of notebooks , on napkins while eating lunch , on her clothing , on her own skin . she loves making art , particularly drawing or painting portraits or nature . ( ultimately , she only decided to incorporate this into her choice of major after hollis threatened to not allow any further changes to her major ) .

               she has a . . . unique sense of style . she has a passion for thrifting and upcycling . practically lives in hoodies and t – shirts that she has purchased from secondhand stores and cropped herself . always adding cool iron-on patches to her clothing . she should be listed as your emergency contact if you’re prone to ripping your clothing because she can definitely fix it .

               she probably thinks she’s good at trash-talking on the field , but she actually sounds like a second grader ( and that’s being kind ) . if you looked at her browser history , there’s probably at least one record of her actually googling “ best soccer trash talk ” .

CONNECTIONS:

friends !! friends she’s met through courses throughout her adventures of attempting every major possible , mayhaps soccer friendships that continue off the field , mayhaps that complicated emerging new friendship state for some who are new to hollis ! unlikely friends ! best friends !!! quite literally those unbreakable ride – or – die friendships !

muses !! i feel like every artist needs that little dose of inspiration , even if it’s simply the inspiration of a work – in – progress portrait throughout the duration of camp ! complaints of “ stop moving ! ” and her stopping every ten minutes to ask what they think and probably at some point , her flinging a brush dripping of paint in their direction (if things didn’t end in an all – out paint fight djlfakds ) .

enemies !! honestly i’m sure there is ?? so much ?? potential for this , bt . . . mayhaps someone’s just . . . fed up w her irresponsibility ? thinks she doesn’t take her soccer position seriously ? maybe someone doesn’t think she takes anything seriously ( they wouldn’t be . . . wrong tbh ) . maybe someone from cali takes that “ california vs florida ” feud a little too seriously jflskdja . idk there’s always bound to be personality clashes !

exes !! relationships that ended badly , so she actively tries to avoid them and who even knows what happens when she’s forced to acknowledge their existence at some point at this camp !!! maybe relationships that ended on mutual terms so they’re still p chill with each other ?? maybe ended relationships that never quite got closure so there’s still unresolved feelings !!

hook-ups !! they are . . . college students . they are . . . college students stuck at a camp all summer . idk i feel like this one is pretty self – explanatory jflakds .

honestly i am tired & want to sleep , bt genuinely i am up for & open to anything ! good influences , bad influences , unrequited crushes , requited crushes , idk the world is y(our) oyster !! these are . . . rlly just some ideas to get the whole process started bc i am actually terrible at . . . thinking of plot ideas on the spot . always open to jst . . . doing a thread and seeing how things naturally flow too !

[jisssooyah]

Hi you... if you were going to curate a little season of films for me, which ones would you choose and why? They don't need to be horror, I'm just curious what you would choose 🌸

I don’t know if you’ll like these movies, or if you’ve already watched them, but after i watched these films, i felt like they might need to belong to you now. i hope they make you smile, roll your eyes, and cry just as much as i did.

1. city of god (2002): this is one of the most immersive and gorgeously shot films i’ve ever seen. it’s set in rio de janeiro during the 60s and spans decades exploring the drug culture in the slums and how this can affect kids just as they are trying to figure their own selves out. the way this film is shot, feels like you were at the sea with them as the sand crunched underneath your feet. but the way that the director captures these individuals, makes you so fucking relieved that you don’t live through any of the circumstances that they go through. 

2. the dreamers (2004): set in 1968, this film follows three students in Paris who come of age and explore one another and their limits during the revolution. while these students prop themselves up as individuals obsessed with sex, running underneath themselves is a current of jealousy, obsession, and blurred familial relationships that made me increasingly uncomfortable. you find yourself feeling bad for the children, and ultimately upset at their upbringing because of their parents. 

3. if beale street could talk (2018): this movie is based off of james baldwin’s titular 1974 novel. in it, the director expertly and vigorously explores love: a love that feels so real that it hurts. the cast is what sold this film to me. the way they talk, laugh, cry, and smile at one another is achingly beautiful and terrifyingly sad. i wanted to transport myself back to their time period and watch the main characters fall in love because the film didn’t seem like enough. 

4. the neon demon (2016): this film follows an emerging model who sacrifices herself to the demands of the industry in order to be attractive and beautiful. there are so many stunning colors in this film that it makes you dizzy, like you’re in a trance and that’s what this world is for the main character: a trance. as she oscillates between reality and fantasy, her world and the characters in it, increasingly seek out to alter her personality. 

5. death becomes her (1992): a deliberately ultra-campy parody of trashy, pandering "women's pictures," soap operas and paperbacks from the '80s and '90s. The three leads all do some of their best work - it's hilarious watching Meryl Streep play a terrible actress, Goldie Hawn is particularly hilarious during her character's cat lady phase, and all around just a really fun and eccentric film. 

6. princess cyd (2017): i can’t think of anything to write for this but i just wanna say that this is literally one of the most pleasant movie experiences i’ve ever had. so much light and genuine interaction in warm sun rays radiating positive energy and an openness that is far too uncommon in movies nowadays. people talk, people connect, people grow bonds and are allowed to be sexual or intimate or personal without an air of shame or judgement. just pure kind and curious human association. 

7. spiderman: into the spiderverse (2018): the message of Spider-Verse is not "gentrify yourself! stop expressing your personality and just conform to what society wants you to be!" After all, what makes you different makes you Spider-Man, and Miles' final expression of himself as a superhero still retains much of his personality and individuality...they're just being used in more productive and fulfilling ways. It's the little things that drive the point home, like noticing that the title page for Miles' finished Great Expectations essay has been stylistically doodled and colored like street art. Rather than seeing his artistic gifts as an opposition to his schoolwork, Miles infuses them together to make the best of the hand he's been dealt.

8. my life as a zucchini (2016): initially heartbreaking and sad, but slowly becoming more joyful and heartwarming as the plot moves along. The film really feels like it captures the essence and child like wonder of these kids, all of them going through hardships but managing to find something to help each other out. It’s so refreshing to see the actual orphanage portrayed in a more positive light, not the usual horrid dump that a lot of lesser movies play them out as. The animation is stunning. One of the best uses of stop motion I’ve seen, everything is so colourful and detailed. There’s some moments set in snowy mountains and these look incredible. There’s clearly been so much love and care put into each and every scene here. The music too, sounds spectacular, it really works well with each scene. 

9. lovesong (2016): Mindy and Sarah have that type of relationship where they don't need words because they speak in a language made out of glances and touches. This movie is about the fear of ruining a meaningful friendship and losing an important person, about love that is so complicated that one might not even try because the outcome seems to be so obvious.

10. her (2013): Heartbreak is formative: it changes you heart side out, and leaves your muscles a little stronger, your skin a little thicker, your bones easier to repair. Before this film, I’d never seen anything constructive in having your insides pulled apart by the seams by another person, but this film taught me how. Being in love and then being forced out of it is an experience that changes you fundamentally, but Her taught me its purpose – you don’t need them to leave you so that you can find someone who’s a better fit, because perhaps you never will. You need it to participate in humanity. The common denominator is being hurt, and without it, you’re barely alive.

11. shoplifters (2018): bittersweet and richly transportive, Shoplifters is a film that nonchalantly eases you into its tragic beauty in a way that doesn't punch you hard until the end. It simultaneously made me want to be part of the film's world and also very glad that I'm not. The setting the characters live in is messy and cluttered and full of dysfunction and lies, but it's also got family, and laughter, and fist-bumps, and slurping warm noodles while rain pings on the tin rooftop. So nuanced, so many tiny moments of delicate beauty and unassuming heartbreak, so many people making terrible decisions with good intentions.

12. god’s own country (2017): though it is a love story between two men, this aspect is only addressed briefly in a single scene. Rather, the film is about finding someone who makes you want to be a better person, someone who comes into your life just when you needed it most. Gheorghe helps Johnny open up and realize the beauty of the simple life. From this relationship, Johnny begins to feel comfortable with expressing himself, and his love and gratitude towards others. He also begins to appreciate life in the country, surrounded by stunning landscapes and the beauty of simplicity. Addressing the Yorkshire countryside, Gheorghe says "It is beautiful, but lonely." Johnny is presented with the notion that he doesn't have to be cold and miserable, slaving and drinking his days away. He is presented with the possibility of no longer being alone and finally finding happiness and contentment - and it is more than gratifying to see him accept it.

13. disobedience (2017): a tender star-crossed daydream. the three main character dynamics are special enough on their own, but the romance that blooms at the center is cathartically intimate and even magical: a reunion that feels so inevitable. catching glimpses of a past life, details we aren’t privy to. all the stolen kisses and whispers and promises. a bond so strong that they fall back in sync with each other like second nature, even if they try to fight against it. even if it won’t work. and yet they choose each other, even if for a few minutes.

14. raw (2016): this film is so gross and I like that. There is tons of blood and unique body horror and it all works perfectly for the tone the film is attempting to set. The use of color, specifically neons, creates a constant feeling that you are traveling through some sort of weird ghost world, which I really like. Overall, it's a very well put together film with flashes of brilliance.

15. the night is short, walk on girl (2017): what an absolutely magical adventure of a film. Essentially this is a heavily episodic look at a night in the lives of several people, centered on a woman and a man as she gleefully floats from event to event while he neurotically obsesses over how to "coincidentally" talk to her. The storytelling is incredible; while the overarching narrative is simple there are countless threads woven together to connect everyone in the story to each other. That in itself is a big theme: connections between people, how everything is interrelated, and what a large impact seemingly insignificant things people do can have an impact on everyone around them.

16. coraline (2009): Coraline is the best stop motion movie ever made in my opinion. Before the film released in 2009, I read the book and was completely blown away by its creativity and story. It’s a pretty dark tale featuring many scenes of fright that work well in both a horror setting and an animated kids setting. On surface value, this film is quite horrifying, which is something I’ve always loved about it. While it does make a few minor changes to the book, it improves upon a piece of art that was already jaw-droppingly good. Coraline feels like a real little girl with some real problems. She’s selfish but likable which is something most films cannot translate well. Of course, she has a pretty awesome arc as well which brings this movie to a perfect close for her character. The other-mother is also perfectly done. She is almost exactly how I imagined her in the book and the animation on her is spookily gorgeous. There is not one dull moment in this film. It is literally a perfect piece of cinema.

17. the third wife (2019): haven’t seen a film this visually delicate in a while. Ash Mayfair works with the looming mountain surroundings to make her characters —these women, these girls— as small as possible, as isolated as possible. Uneasiest of all is the protagonist May, so young and so weighed by responsibility, her position blurs between being one of the wives and being one of the daughters. It’s an extremely bleak tale of circumstance. An old tale, certainly, but so beautifully crafted it doesn’t matter. Mayfair holds a fearful tension throughout, and it only ever shatters in the cruelest of ways.The abundance of women and display of sisterhood begin as a comfort, but horror takes over as we realize how conditional and fragile that comfort is. Even the daughters are subconsciously aware, one of them praying to the gods to grow up and become a man, shearing her hair off in naive triumph. It’s a doomed cycle of girls performing roles which are unfortunately their best option, right up until the final scene of May with her daughter, still in their mourning clothes. She, like the older wives, finally realizes they’re the same as the cattle laying on their side for too many days.

[calliecat93]

Top 5 Things I Liked About Red vs Blue: Season 2

(Top 5 Dislikes)

One post down, one more to go… and then twenty-six more to go for the rest of this series. Why did I decide to do this again? Meh, whatever. Let’s just get on with it as we resume looking over Season 2.

#5. Machinima

Okay, this might sound weird, but hear me out. The machinima last season was… basic. Not bad mind you, there is only so much that you can do without a lot of creativity and resources. Resources that RT didn’t have at this point in time. But mostly, they just went through the default motions. Nothing really stood out. It had some cool stuff, like them somehow managing to blow the Warthog on top of Red Base. I think they even said in the commentary that trying to replicate it for the remaster was a pain in the ass. Still, it just didn’t stand out, though the humor made you not notice.

Clearly, the RT guys wanted to push themselves a little more now that they knew how Halo operated and they could machinimate better. Which they did. I noticed a lot of little things when watching the season. Like having Caboose jumping up and down during the opening gunfight while behind a rock, or even Doc just pretending to fire his blaster. Or having Simmons more or less trembling in the finale when his… ugh… fax parts act up and you can tell what Grif is staring at when he questions it. Or adding in things like Lopez’ note in the finale, and even having it written in binary. Heck, we even have smoke come out of Grif’s helmet when Simmons catches him in the act.

These are small things, but it helps make the world and characters feel a little more alive. Clearly, machinima has its limitations, and we’re a long way away from them adding in animation. But creative people will find a way to work within their limitations, and even use those limitations to their advantage. Considering how long this show has been going, I’d say that they succeeded.

#4. Caboose’s Mind

One of the most memorable parts, and one with some actual effects on the characters, is when Church and Tex go into Caboose’s mind to kill O’Malley. It’s one of the weirdest, yet funniest parts of the season. We get to see how Caboose views everyone, with Tucker being stupid and Church being obsessed with being Caboose’s best friend. He gets them wrong, but it makes sense because it’s how /Caboose/ interprets these individuals. They aren’t supposed to be accurate. It’s especially funny when we see the Reds and only Simmons is close to right Grif is Yellow (which they outright did to prove that he was Orange to viewers), Donut is a girl since that’s what Caboose thought at the time, and Sarge has a pirate accent instead of a Southern one. 

It’s just funny to see Caboose, who at this point had been portrayed as the most dim-witted, and how he views these people. It kinda reflects what he wants with Church being his best friend and the Reds fearing him and his greatness. His ideal version of himself is pretty much a cool version of himself, though otherwise not too different. Church’s reaction and frustration at all fo this, especially Caboose!Church, only makes it funnier as is Tex being unfazed by all of it. It did kinda throw me off when I watched it the first time, but God it’s funnier on rewatch now that I know what’s going on. It’s a nice look into Caboose’s mind, and we got to see glimpses of the others int he S14 episode Head Cannon.

I think the biggest things though were for one, we got a location that wasn’t Blood Gulch finally. Sure it’s pretty much a standard video game map with a bunch of cubes, but after having the only setting be a canyon, it was refreshing. We also have some major impact with this since due to all the chaos, Caboose’s character becomes what it is now. We can debate all day how we should view Caboose and his intellectual level, but I do think that this helped endear the character to people and allowed him to stand out much, much more. Even now I know very few people, if anyone, who dislikes Caboose so while maybe they should acknowledge that he was more or less brain-damaged, the character himself has become better due to this. Which is nice~

#3. O’Malley Subplot

Speaking of Caboose’s mind, the O’Malley plot was by far the standout in this season. At first, it wasn’t too much since only Tucker cared about Caboose’s sudden murderous behavior. But once Tex came back, things picked up. While the backstory wasn’t totally accurate, it would certainly lead to more ahead. The fight in Caboose’s mind was fun. Tucker got to show some genuine competence when he came up with the plan to make the Reds turn their comms off and even using Lopez as a backup plan. With how much more competent Tucker grows later once circumstances pretty much force him to, this was an early sign showing that he is capable. He just needs to be pushed into doing it.

O’Malley himself didn’t stand out too much, just being kinda murderous. Then he escaped into Doc. I’ll go more into this next season, but this was the best decision ever. Doc is a whiny goody-two-shoes while O’Malley is gleefully, over-the-top evil. The contrast of the two personalities works super well and is just really funny to watch, though again it applies more for the next season. By the end, O’Malley makes his move and firmly sets himself up as the first proper Big Bad of the series, and he’s the perfect villain for the Blood Gulch Chronicles.

Overall, the whole subplot was really fun even though it did kind of have a slow start. It brought back Tex, had some really funny moments like the Reds' reactions to Lopez’s horrible love song. At least Donut liked it, haha~ It gave us our first proper villain, which led to one Hell of an insane finale. Even everything in between with Donut getting captured by the Blues and them trying to use this to make Sarge build them new bodies was fun to watch. The first half of S2 s super fun, but the second half is, without doubt, the best part for me. O’Malley was the catalyst, and to this day is one of my favorite villains. Love it~

#2. Improved Production Standards

Season 1 was good but flawed. It was clear that the RT guys weren’t really sure what they were doing. Audio quality was meh, jokes could drag, and the pacing was rather slow. It makes sense though when you read about what the original plans were. RvB was meant to be a miniseries, and nothing more. But pretty much a combination of them not getting to what they planned as soon as they thought (Donut was supposed to be in pink armor much sooner for example, and they realized how long it was taking to get there) as well as just coming up with more ideas extended things to a nineteen episode run. So there was no long term plan and things like writing and machinima were done in mere days in between releases. Plus there were only two main machinimators, Burnie and Geoff, and if you listen to the original S1 commentary they are both clearly exhausted. Burnie even said on a one-on-one podcast with Geoff on how they had pretty much had every conversation ever and they’d be like some old married couple just staring at each other. You can find it here if you’re interested, it’s a fun one~

So yeah… when you look back you can kinda tell that S1 was a bit of a rush job, and a tiring one at that. It’s still very good and like I said, they found ways to use so much you barely notice things were made up on the fly. But clearly, they needed a better system. Enter Matt Hullum. He had already been voicing Sarge, but he ended up stepping in to play a larger behind the scenes role. He joined Burnie on writing and directing, and thus they started planning things much farther ahead. As such, they knew the general plot and thus things could be tightened. The pacing is much better with episodes feeling faster, but having plenty of things happening. I already talked about the machinima improvements, which having Matt as well as Gus coming back from Puerto Rico also helped there. The voice acting, while still amateur, improved as well as the audio mixing. The filter is still a little distracting, but it and the general audio mixing is greatly improved. Pretty much every aspect of S1 was improved big time. It wasn’t perfect, but still, they clearly put a lot in creating a more quality product.

Season 2 had a hard job. Season One had to prove that this was a show worth watching. Season 2 had to prove that it could keep going and wasn’t just a one-hit-wonder. And ho boy did they. It’s funnier, it’s more ambitious, and even starts adding in some story. This season got the viewers from last time to come back, and probably brought in some new ones. It proved that this was a show that was sticking around and that RT had staying power. If this season failed, RvB would probably just be remembered as this funny Halo show. But it succeeded because they wanted the show to keep succeeding and be good, and that effort shows.

#1. Improved Characterizations

The thing that I enjoyed most about Season 1 was the character interactions. They just had natural chemistry and their interactions were funny. The characters themselves though were a little one-note. They had personality, but they didn’t really stand out when you compare them to other comedies like The Simpsons or South Park. I guess that RT realized this as well because this is where the characters really begin to become the same ones that we know now. Not all of them mind you like Simmons and Tucker are the least fleshed out here, but even then the signs of who they would become are there with things like Simmons clinginess to Sarge and the joke about Tucker’s rock, as well as the previously mentioned show of competence when pushed.

Donut and Grif show more of their personality, with Donut expressing his hobbies like home decor and growing to like his lightish-red armor. Grif shows his more lazy slacker attributes, like sleeping during meetings and forgetting the ammo, and his unhealthy habits like smoking and his constant eating. Which he’s pretty much doing intentionally to annoy Simmons and mess up the parts that he got from him. Lopez also got a lot of personalities now that he can talk. Namely, after the Reds nearly kill him and the Blues use him for their own means, he hates them all and his apathetic personality has stuck ever since. Poor guy has had such a hard time, haha. And I already went into Caboose, so there's no need to repeat myself. Even Shelia got sassier this season~

The one I think got the most improvement though is Sarge. In S1, he was just kind of a standard sergeant character you could find in just about any military movie, and the voice reflected it. Here? Matt just goes off the wall. He said in the S2 commentary that Sarge is pretty much the combination of various 50’s character tropes, like the grumpy old guy and the mad scientist. It shows. Sarge’s hatred of Blues and love of warfare are much more evident, especially in the finale. His hatred of Grif is also much more played up. We see that he is absolutely insane with his conspiracy theories about Lopez being brainwashed by the Blues instead of reprogrammed and turning Simmons into a cyborg instead of just getting a new robot. Sarge is the opposite of sensible, and having this guy be the leader and forcing everyone to follow his plans due to it is freakin’ hilarious. Matt exaggerating the accent from this point on only adds to this characterization and is much, much more fitting.

The characters, in my opinion, are the best part of Red vs Blue. This season demonstrates that very well. Unlike S1 where there were only shades of their later portrayal, this one uses broad strokes. I think some of the better voice acting can also be due to this since the cast now has more of a character to fool around with instead of just having to more or less act like their everyday selves. The characters were stronger, and as such the interaction and humor were even better. As such, it is my favorite part of Red vs Blue Season 2. Can they keep it up in Season 3? Well… we’ll find out soon~

[juleswolverton-hyde]

It’s November, but I still want you part 3

Genre: Drama, romance, smut (eventually), werewolf AU, art school AU

Pairing: Artist!Jimin / Werewolf!Jimin x Reader

Warning: Mention of mating and knotting, toxic relationships

Summary: A first love is always bittersweet, but this time it is perchance the hardest pill to swallow. Especially when the aftermath can still be felt years after.

In the month of November.

Author’s Note: I sincerely apologize for the long period of waiting for this fanfic to finally update or announce it is discontinued. However, as you can see, the latter does, fortunately, not apply. Henceforth, I would like to say this fic is still up and running with this chapter likely being the second-to-last one. It is time to wrap up some old projects.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 (yet to be written)

Masterlist

Two autumns without sketching the falling dying leaves together, three winters without sharing warm beverages in the usual spot in the same coffee shop every day, three springs eyes beheld the fall of cherry blossom without him and three summers passed with so much as a word.

Ever since the young artist left, nobody closely connected to him has seen the lad. Classes went by unattended, fingers nervously and softly ticking a pencil against the table surface in the exact spot that would have formed the workspace of the one who walked away for the safety of the heart it hurt. However, what was not given a thought at the time, was that the flight inflicted more harm than when everything had been as of old and the night we first laid down as lovers remained cloaked in silence.

Stayed our forbidden fruit.

Even during graduation, the raven-haired creator was not there to celebrate the end of endless study hours stained with paint, charcoal and cramped digits. Not even the six guys with whom a group of brothers was formed had the knowledge concerning the whereabouts of the wolf boy. Nevertheless, something had tainted sincerity for the older ones’ attitude stirred up a deep-rooted sense of suspicion within, but it could also have meant nothing at all. Regardless of the truth, they tried to remain in contact and lighten the mood as much as possible, elevating the gloom left behind by the dear friend turned lover turned... away.

Limits were pushed too much, the warnings and pleads should have been heeded but the mind was too naive to notice the danger lurking beneath the mask of a familiar face, skin flushed with the anticipation to have fingertips grab it tightly and possessively by the small hands that had held even smaller ones throughout many sleepless nights. The animalistic behaviour that needed to be repressed was foolishly underestimated, leading us to ruin.

Jimin has never had to carry the blame for the situation because the mistake is entirely that of the individual who thought to be able to handle what clearly could not be. The mirror shows the reminder of devastating stubbornness daily, still adorning the neck in the form of two pieces of jewellery. The gift that has become the last physical memory of a beautiful moment in life. One thin bronze chain with a crescent moon pendant made of the same metal hanging from it and one chain that is a tad longer and made of a mixture between silver and gold with a handcrafted wolf pendant crafted from tiger's eye matrix.

Only once have they been forgotten, when it was the youngest among the broken band of comrades - Jungkook - who held a soul devoid of love and craving it so badly it gripped the first source of simulacrum tightly to have a taste of it again. The morning brought the shame of having used the sweet guy’s hidden sentiments portrayed by gentle kisses and careful movements between the thighs wrapped around a slim waist after coming undone twice before even starting in earnest. The whined and panted ‘I love you’s were already a vague memory when the sun rose over haphazard sheets partially concealing a thoroughly dishevelled dark bedhead and back engraved with scratches that likely caused more pain than pleasure. Nevertheless, perchance it is because of the guilt of having played a sick game with genuine emotions that the decision to stay by the youth’s side was made.

Eventually, the self-loathing blame turned to a non-sustainable yet believable form of affection reserved for lovers. Almost akin to what was only temporarily had with Jimin.

Until he, too, walked away for the same reasons.

Funny.

History repeats itself.

But not today after finding a pamphlet for an art exhibition near the marketing office where a fortunate job as a graphic designer was picked up soon after graduation, the grand opening of which is tonight. Normally, similar events would have been evaded since too many bodies occupy a space which cannot possibly handle them all at once and the gallery visited at a later date when the hype has died down enough to allow for calmly enjoying the art. However, the default course of action does not form an option in this case due to the artist presenting his piece of art.

Because it is the work of an old friend who gave two beautiful necklaces as a gift a long time ago.

A refugee lover who bound a reckless girl to him with the jewellery.

An onyx wolf to whom an apology is in order and the guilt more than justified.

Park Jimin.

The low heels of ballerinas click on the marble linoleum floor of the bare brick space after finding a sign outside pointing towards the entrance of the grand creative event, eyes wavering to the sides to observe the sketches of faceless women while also frantically searching for the grand master himself. Shreds of murmured conversation compose a rumbling radiating flood when entering the edifice, making the discovery of the wanted man that much more difficult since a familiar voice could not possibly be recognized in this chaotic mess of speakers.

The quest is halted when the gaze wanders to the side entirely, the attention of the panicked thoughts about coming in vain and being rejected from the beginning of the conversation suddenly focusing on a grand featureless portrait. To any other person, it might signify the blank canvas an individual essentially forms, smithing yet another temporary identity to go by until it loses its beauty like its predecessors and repeating the process each time. Withal, the shape of the face is undeniable and cannot be unseen as its familiarity is unavoidable.

Self-hatred, unintended hurt, past mistakes and various trips of guilt are depicted in the simple though meaningful drawing.

It is mine.

My face.

‘It’s the biggest piece of the collection. I wanted to give this person an expression yet couldn’t because I didn’t know what it should look like. Hence, I settled for this.’ The casual tone betrays not knowing who the listener is or the artist is beating around the bush because he, too, cannot handle the strangeness of the circumstances caused by a mayhaps unwelcome visitor in the way it perhaps should be.

‘Your lines are still off.’ A slim index finger points to the traced shape of the jaw, indicating inherently nothing although the turn to bad humour somehow seems a logical direction to take in the situation. Just as it has always been since it functions as a shield against overwhelming emotions. An old habit rooted in days gone by which dies hard, as those kinds of things tend to do. ‘I thought you’d gotten better at drawing by now, Park Jimin.’

‘Y/N.’ The manner of speech indicates having recognized the admirer far before the conversation even started, relieved delight mixed with agonized graveness.

The scars still hurt.

The fumbling digits reaching out brush against those of the individual who remains focused on the image in front. Eventually, they entwine with those that had to be let go after fully committing to the steadfast faith of being a wolf, but after more hesitation upon noticing the awkward gesture than had ever been the case in the past. ‘Can you look at me?’

‘I’m sorry, Chim. For everything. I push- pushed you too far.’ The burning tears slowly begin to create small brooks over the cheeks, the unoccupied hand wiping them away as the other tries to free itself in order to make an escape. A plan that already comes too late. ‘I shou- shouldn’t even be here. I have to go.’

But the fingers of the once intimately loved beloved remain strongly wrapped around the others, their counterparts coming to rest where frantic digits endeavoured to stop the water, thumb gently continuing the attempts with affectionate sweeps. Gazes meet by means of forceful albeit kind-hearted compelling, the palm on the face of an unworthy mistress turning the head to do so and fulfil the earlier disregarded request. ‘That’s not how you apologize to someone, Y/N. You’re raised knowing better.’

Jimin has changed, not only on the inside - if there has been no help in the form of therapy to drive the insane beast out - but on the outside as well. Onyx has made place for pale sandstone which resembles limestone if the light falls on it in a specific angle, paint-stained shirts and jeans are replaced by a stylish nightly black outfit of which the shirt lights up in the purplish lilac shades of twilight whenever it is illuminated directly. Of course, this style has merely been chosen to conform to the formality of the event, though there is a suspicion former characteristic clothes and their sentiments have been abandoned aside from the casual ones that were often worn during a happening like this back in college.

The past has clearly been endeavoured to be erased.

Good.

I was not the only one trying.

Nonetheless, the most obvious physical change makes eyes widen in astonishment due to the uncharacteristic feature.

Purple flowing over in sickly yellow on cheekbones, a scar marring the left side of a sympathetic expression as full lips speak so kindly in spite of the immense wrongdoing three years ago, the bottom split in the middle by a healing scarlet wound.

Hurt.

Actual clear signs of pain.

Afraid of the impact that may or may not still be felt, two small hands - the left one slipping easily from the grip weakened by oddly loving renewed feelings - languidly rise to remove those framing a face the artist idiotically seems to adore still and trace the trail of inflicted harm with a slightly opened mouth. ‘What happened?’

A spark lights up the warm dark brown gaze of the lad who was thought never to even kill a fly, moved by the concern and showing this by the tiniest hasty smile. ‘It’s alright, Y/N. Just...’ Lashes flutter shut as the gesture is leaned into, briefly forgetting whatever coverup is created to not ignite any type of worry akin to the sort that has been tainting living in general since the first and last bittersweet night together. ‘Just business... nothing... serious.’

A warm teardrop slides down the wrist enveloped by the fingers which were good-naturedly removed, the narrow surface of skin snuggled against regardless of the barely audible pained whines the motions evoke. Teeth lightly grazing over the surface, just tangible enough to send shivers down the spine in a paradoxical mixture of pleasure and worry about the wolfish behaviour that essentially drove us apart. Furthermore, what circumstances could have asked for bodily harm, form the root for obvious pain? ‘Jimin, what’s going on? Talk to me.’

You never fought, bodily nor verbally. Did you get beat up? What happened to you? On the other hand, we both changed and know nothing anymore. Notwithstanding, just tell me. Tell me what caused this, what took place and of which the visible aftermath is so damn painful to witness without knowing the background.

The soft kiss on the pulse evokes a hitched breath, astonished by the blatant display of wishing for intimacy once more even though it brought nothing but misfortune in the past. ‘I still want you. I wish... I wish you could stay.’ The last word is a mere whisper, only audible to the ears of the listener and the speaker in the ocean of murmurs. ‘Stay with me, be mine again.’

More tears roll down the smooth skin of the forearm before watery solemn dark irises quickly turn from the former point of focus to two staring in wonder when the wrist manages to slip from the novel fairly firm hold, having made use of the temporary weak spot caused by sadness. Fast as lightning hands pull the artist into a tight embrace at seeing a quivering pillowy bottom lip, determined to keep the sobs dimmed as much as possible and to not lose face to any potential buyers or investors.

‘Don’t cry, Chim. You’re not at fault, never have been. You were right to walk away and I’m not even mad at you for doing it. If anyone’s to blame, it’s me.’ Kindly, bleak sandy locks are affectionately stroked while nuzzling the old lover’s warm neck, growing drowsy, no, getting hypnotized by the heat radiating from the body still built like a dancer’s and the musky alluring scent containing hints of turpentine and summer flowers. ‘As I said, I pushed you too much and should’ve listened. But I didn’t. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.’

The hug tightens, star-crossed lovers holding on to one another as if the only way to stay afloat in the turbulent sea of life is by clinging to the buoy in the shape of the other beloved.

And just for a split second, all seems well. Exactly like the old days, filled with hope for a future together.

However, the girl who ruined everything might as well drown in spite of the lifeline because the blonde lad lets go too soon, arms untangling and keeping the adored soul at bay by creating a new distance with shaking hands, just enough not to touch directly. The voice has gained a ghastly tone, speaking as if this time the farewell is permanent. ‘Let’s agree to disagree.’

A foot sweeps uncertainly over the alabaster marbled linoleum, acting as if removing a stain on it as locked gazes are briefly broken up while a hand combs through the strands that were lovingly caressed a split second ago. Withal, like is the case with the entire body, they shortly find each other again afterwards. ‘I really wish we could have a second chance, Y/N.’

‘If- If you want, we can still-’

A solitary head shake cuts off the desperate argument that was about to be given, nullifying every spark of hope which had collected and started a grand bright foolish fire within. ‘We can’t. You’re better off without me. Vice versa it’s not the case, but even though I still long for you, I know that a part of loving you comes with sacrifice and the desire for you to be happy.’

‘I was with you! In fact, I was the most cheery whenever we went out to the park to draw the flowers in the flowerbed or to the coffee shop. The most restful nights were those when you were lying beside me. Now, all that remains of those beautiful moments are these.’ Fingers clearly display the thin bronze chain with a crescent moon pendant and one that is a tad longer and made of a mixture between silver and gold with a tiger's eye matrix wolf pendant. ‘A daily reminder of what we had. Of you.’

A melancholic grin carves itself onto full plush roseate lips, an almost invisible nod acknowledging the meaning behind the jewellery which clearly does not add any convincing nor credible reason to change a stubborn mind set on its own opinion. ‘You still have them. I’m glad because I thought you’d have thrown them away. Or, if not you... never mind, I don’t want to think about that.’

‘Think about what? Jimin, you’re not making any sense. The last time you spoke in riddles, there was clearly something going on.’ The old Self awakens, having pushed aside the pathetic contemporary ego out of the overwhelming determination to not let things remain unresolved upon being compelled to part ways like before. To leave behind loose ends. ‘At least honestly tell me if everything is alright this time. Or just the reason for why you look like you fought a war and lost. Anything. Don’t send me away without a proper goodbye, fill up the distance with making this fucking lingering concern about you I’ve been living with for the past three years a heavier burden than it already is. Yes, I understand you don’t want me by your side anymore. But, I beg of you, grant me this last favour.’

‘I never said that, that I don’t want you by my side anymore so don’t put words in my mouth. Besides, if I did I wouldn’t wish for you to be mine again, would I? I can’t tell you what happened when I was gone, merely that it has to do with what caused our goodbye in the first place. As for the wounds, it’s nothing to be worried about. I’m fine.’ Hands mould into trembling fists, the emitted heat turning to menacing rage.

The made point is justified because the used wording which is reacted to never had any valid worth, to begin with. Rashness can push one’s own opinion despite the nullifications which are or are not already present, making the individual solely focused on their hellbent desire to drive their own beliefs through.

The realization of this calms the raging storm within, knowing that more yelling and arguing will lead nowhere. Instead, a deep steadying breath is taken and a new attempt at making amends undertaken. ‘Chim...’

A careful step forward is rewarded with a petrifying glance, feet immediately stuck in the place of the last retraced track. Stare wavers for a moment to the spot which was nuzzled against and kissed longingly, imagining what could have happened had the gesture advanced. Memories of the first and last night as more than friends resurface.

Even the worst event is no longer regarded in a negative light, a hidden absurd persona craving for it to happen again.

Get knotted, feel him again.

He is not a senseless beast, but a caring young man. Why do I long for that side of him, thinking in such terms? Furthermore, how did I get so carried away by just hugging? That’s never happened.

Nevertheless, the contemplating train of thoughts inherently boils down to the same wanton wish.

To be his.

‘Go.’

Simply have him back.

Resume our tale.

‘Please-’

We can work this out. We can get you help. Therapy. You’re not an animal, Jimin. You don’t have to hold back because of it. Come back. Come back to me.

‘Go!’ The command is growled like a wolf grown sick with the obligation to wait for a dumb opposing party to leave and giving a warning shot that any further provocation has consequences. The sternness rapidly fades, softening into sweet stained nostalgia when realizing what the hurtful impact of the chosen attitude is. ‘Go, Y/N. Just go. It’s better for us. For you. I have nothing to offer, nothing to be better than the man you belong to.’

‘I belong to nobody. I’m my own person.’ It is weird to hear the statement of essentially being some individual’s property being said with so much certainty when the speaker initially was the one to say a person should never be subject to another. ‘That’s what we artists are, independent and stubbornly liberated.’

A weak bubbly chuckle, no extravagant motions that express amusement as per habit. Instead, composure portrays not wanting this outcome to the circumstances either and come closer to make resume making amends as intended by the graphic designer who was once a free-spirited artist like him, continue where the mutual story abruptly ended. Yet, behaviour obviously gives away that the alternate route is not possible if it ever has been. ‘Goodbye.’

End of the line.

Don’t. Don’t do this, you bastard!

But the tongue is rendered silent, paralyzed with grieving shock and the ability to speak abandons the mute girl with the leaving footsteps of a sandstone wolf clad in black like the starry night sky.

The same heaven above a lonely head wandering the street again after leaving the gallery, fighting to tune out the repeating material of the emotional conversation while low heels click against the concrete. Regardless, the words are resonating as if freshly spoken and fingers have the remnants of touches by other ones clearly engraved in muscle memory.

But they have to take a moment to remember the hand grabbing them now for, although more recent than Jimin’s, it seems a longer period of time has passed since it was held by this particular one. Even longer so for the voice accompanying it, containing a strange sort of confidence that would have been quite uncharacteristic up until last January. ‘He left you again, didn’t he?’

Raven locks partially shroud feverish yet trusted doe eyes above a cute nose, a paradoxical bunny-like smile playing on pale pink lips seemingly belonging to a predator. But the person in front after accidentally bumping into them after being pulled flush against a well-trained chest is known to be better than that, never having had the aura of cunning dominance. Henceforth, looking down is the kind gentle boy with the scratched back who disappeared because of the reasons another had already given three years prior.

But Time has the ability to evoke a transformation in every aspect of and being in existence and it forms the cause for this grown-up version of a shy comic artist whose creative persona is a pink muscly rabbit. Although all former anticipating illusions are forever erased by the reflection, it is still a grand comfort to see a familiar face which holds the credible promise of staying. Thus, there is a glad surrender to the intoxicating heat scented with a delicious potion of peppermint, blue ink, markers, lily and jasmine.

To the hands framing the face perfectly and body pressing against one drunk on the temporary happiness offered by the situation.

To Jungkook.

[mxcxgxm]

How to handle the pain of loving someone you can’t have

Whether the person you secretly love is your best friend’s fiancee, your boss’s crush, or your close friend who’s clearly in love with someone else, there’s no escaping the pain of being with them and knowing that you can never have them. Whenever they’re around, you get consumed by your efforts to conceal your emotions, hoping that the way you stare at them won’t give away your real feelings. There are times when you ask yourself why you’re subjecting yourself to this kind of torture. And the answer is quite simple: they bring you joy. 

Maybe you’ve decided that it’s better to be with someone you really love, even if you can never have them, than not have them in your life in any way. If that’s your decision, then there’s nothing much you can do, except handle the pain that goes with it.

There are only a few things more agonizing than being in love with someone you can’t have. How can you deal with this kind of pain? 

Be cool

If you are still hanging around because you hope that the two of you will be together one day, or you’re still enjoying the happiness the person brings, even with all the pain, here are the things you can do to cope.

#1 Enjoy your time together, but don’t ask for anything more. Condition your mind to only focus on the good times and forget the rest. Don’t demand anything more than what’s given to you, because it’s likely that they’ll say no. If you’re going out to grab some coffee, enjoy those moments. Who cares if they’re going to be with their partner afterward? Not you! Acknowledge the pain, but focus on the good times.

#2 Do not ask questions that could hurt you. Asking questions that run along the lines of “Did you ever love me?” and “Am I not good enough?” will just hurt you, or cause tension in your relationship. The goal is to avoid pain, so it’s counterproductive to seek answers to these questions.

#3 Divert your attention to hobbies. Spending too much time analyzing your feelings? Roll your sleeves up and get a new hobby—right now. Just get out of bed, go to a craft shop—or wherever else you can—and get your hands movin’. Not only will this temporarily help you ease the pain, it will also make you more creative—and creativity is always a good thing. Imagine how many paintings or hats you’d make by the end of the year, if you just use the time you spend on self-pity wisely?

#4 Be a real friend, but protect your feelings. Of course, you want to be their crying shoulder. But when it comes to unrequited love, and you’re on the losing end, don’t give your all. Make sure that you’re comforting them without crushing your heart. It’s okay to listen to them talk about their frustrations with the person they love, but it’s another thing if that’s all you talk about and you’re even helping them plot the perfect surprise party for their beloved.

#5 Be surrounded by friends. During times of emotional turmoil, you need the loving arms, sound advice, and truckloads of craziness of your best buds. There’s nothing like pondering and laughing about your situation over a couple of beers. I am sure they’ve all had similar experiences, and would be very much willing to share some tips. Say “cheers” and laugh it off, at least for one night!

#6 Stay away from hurtful situations. If you know that they’re going to be with their partner at a party, don’t show up. Why would you? It’s like committing suicide. Simply decline their invitation and be at peace. Sleeping all day or binge watching your favorite TV show are so much better than seeing the person you love with somebody else.

#7 Learn to compartmentalize. To cope with emotional turmoil, you have to learn how to compartmentalize. When you’re with the person you adore, be with them 100%. But make sure that when you’re working or doing something else, your mind is not wrapped around them. It takes a lot of practice, but it can be done.

#8 Devote 30 minutes every day to sulk. Set a specific time in your day to just be sentimental about your one-sided love affair. Don’t let thoughts about your beloved consume you all the time; when the thought pops in your head, tell yourself that you can only think about it from 6:00-6:30. It sounds like a crazy idea, but it’s effective!

Cool isn’t an option

Perhaps some time has passed, yet you’re still stuck in the same situation. You want things to change, or you’d rather be left alone. Here are some things you can do to eliminate and even totally get rid of the pain.

#9 Stop pretending you’re okay. If you’re really in pain, you don’t have to pretend you’re okay. Not anymore. You’ve been dealing with this for months *or years* and it is exhausting to put on a fake smile all the time.

Tell them you can’t be with them while they shop for their lover’s gift because it hurts you. Don’t laugh or smile if you really don’t feel like doing those things, either. You are entitled to express your real feelings, just like they’re entitled to theirs.

#10 Limit contact as much as possible. Yes, even if seeing them makes you “happy” on the surface. You must learn to turn away from something that only gives you temporary happiness and be okay with missing out, because here’s something you should know: if it causes you distress, you’re not missing anything! Do yourself a favor and protect your emotions.

#11 Date other people. Why not? Don’t be scared that you’ll lose the tiniest chance of having the person you can’t have. You’re the only one being sentimental about it. Trust me, they’ll even be genuinely happy for you. If they actually like you, but have been too afraid to make a move, this may give them a push to finally do so.

#12 Hide them from your feeds. You always want to see them and find out what they’re doing—that’s why you added them on Facebook. But then you also see them cuddling with their sweetheart. Ah, those photos can make you bleed! Once and for all, hide them from your timeline. They’re like an addiction. You have to cut them out of your life, by all means.

#13 Write about your feelings. Writing about our feelings can give us a clearer view of what we’re going through. This is a well-known therapy technique that won’t cost you a dime. This has the same effect as a prayer. What makes this better is that you can actually re-read what you’ve written, so you can assess yourself better. This serves as a great proof of just how crazy you are being!

#14 Write a letter to yourself. After writing about your feelings, it’s time to write a letter to yourself. Yes, it may sound cheesy, but it’s one effective way to regain your self-esteem and forgive yourself. It can help you reconnect with yourself, so you can face reality, and make new plans for your life.

#15 Finally, tell them what you feel without expecting anything. It will relieve you of all the self-inflicted tension you’ve built up over time. Simply inform them that you like them, but know you can’t have them. This will liberate you, as long as you ensure that you’re not doing this to get sympathy or love.

Be advised: if confessing your feelings would put you and your beloved in danger *i.e. if you’re in love with your future sister-in-law*, forget it. It’s not worth the trouble. Just deal with it on your own.

It’s painful to love someone you can’t have, but don’t let it take over your life. Sure, allow yourself to sulk for a time, but after that, dust off your sorrows and toughen up a little *or a lot*. When all is said and done, you’ll be glad you took care of your heart and sanity using these tips, even when in love, because those are the things that only you can protect.

[randomguywholikesstuff]

Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl

Experiences in a Concentration Camp

“Life is not primarily a quest for pleasure, as Freud believed, or a quest for power, as Alfred Adler taught, but a quest for meaning. The greatest task for any person is to find meaning in his or her life. Frankl saw three possible sources for meaning: in work (doing something significant), in love (caring for another person), and in courage during difficult times”

“Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation. You cannot control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you will feel and do about what happens to you.”

“I therefore admonish my students both in Europe and in America: “Don’t aim at success—the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long run—in the long run, I say!—success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think of it.”

“I think it was Lessing who once said, “There are things which must cause you to lose your reason or you have none to lose.” An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior”

“I did not know what was going on in the line behind me, nor in the mind of the SS guard, but suddenly I received two sharp blows on my head. Only then did I spot the guard at my side who was using his stick. At such a moment it is not the physical pain which hurts the most (and this applies to adults as much as to punished children); it is the mental agony caused by the injustice, the unreasonableness of it all.”

Love and a Beloved as a Saving grace

“In a position of utter desolation, when a man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way —an honorable way—in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment.”

Humor as Coping Mechanisms

“The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living. Yet it is possible to practice the art of living even in a concentration camp, although suffering is omnipresent.”

Hard to Blame for Favoring Friends

“Who can throw a stone at a man who favors his friends under circumstances when, sooner or later, it is a question of life or death? No man should judge unless he asks himself in absolute honesty whether in a similar situation he might not have done the same.”

Suffering Impacting Character

“A man’s character became involved to the point that he was caught in a mental turmoil which threatened all the values he held and threw them into doubt. Under the influence of a world which no longer recognized the value of human life and human dignity, which had robbed man of his will and had made him an object to be exterminated (having planned, however, to make full use of him first—to the last ounce of his physical resources)—under this influence the personal ego finally suffered a loss of values. If the man in the concentration camp did not struggle against this in a last effort to save his self-respect, he lost the feeling of being an individual, a being with a mind, with inner freedom and personal value.”

Meaning in Suffering

“It can be said that they were worthy of their sufferings; the way they bore their suffering was a genuine inner achievement. It is this spiritual freedom—which cannot be taken away—that makes life meaningful and purposeful.”

“An active life serves the purpose of giving man the opportunity to realize values in creative work, while a passive life of enjoyment affords him the opportunity to obtain fulfillment in experiencing beauty, art, or nature. But there is also purpose in that life which is almost barren of both creation and enjoyment and which admits of but one possibility of high moral behavior: namely, in man’s attitude to his existence, an existence restricted by external forces. A creative life and a life of enjoyment are banned to him. But not only creativeness and enjoyment are meaningful. ”

“The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity—even under the most diffcult circumstances—to add a deeper meaning to his life. It may remain brave, dignified and unselfish. Or in the bitter fight for self-preservation he may forget his human dignity and become no more than an animal.”

“Such men are not only in concentration camps. Everywhere man is confronted with fate, with the chance of achieving something through his own suffering.”

“that which was ultimately responsible for the state of the prisoner’s inner self was not so much the enumerated psychophysical causes as it was the result of a free decision. ”

“A man who could not see the end of his “provisional existence” was not able to aim at an ultimate goal in life. He ceased living for the future, in contrast to a man in normal life. Therefore the whole structure of his inner life changed; signs of decay set in which we know from other areas of life. The unemployed worker, for example, is in a similar position. His existence has become provisional and in a certain sense he cannot live for the future or aim at a goal.”

“A man who let himself decline because he could not see any future goal found himself occupied with retrospective thoughts. ”

“But in robbing the present of its reality there lay a certain danger. It became easy to overlook the opportunities to make something positive of camp life, opportunities which really did exist. Regarding our “provisional existence” as unreal was in itself an important factor in causing the prisoners to lose their hold on life; everything in a way became pointless. ...

Instead of taking the camp’s diffculties as a test of their inner strength, they did not take their life seriously and despised it as something of no consequence. They preferred to close their eyes and to live in the past. Life for such people became meaningless.”

“Any attempt at fighting the camp’s psychopathological influence on the prisoner by psychotherapeutic or psychohygienic methods had to aim at giving him inner strength by pointing out to him a future goal to which he could look forward. Instinctively some of the prisoners attempted to find one on their own. It is a peculiarity of man that he can only live by looking to the future—sub specie aeternitatis”

“What does Spinoza say in his Ethics? —“Affectus, qui passio est, desinit esse passio simulatque eius claram et distinctam formamus ideam.” Emotion, which is suffering, ceases to be suffering as soon as we form a clear and precise picture of it.”

“Nietzsche’s words, “He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how,” could be the guiding motto for all psychotherapeutic and psychohygienic efforts regarding prisoners.”

“Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual. These tasks, and therefore the meaning of life, differ from man to man, and from moment to moment. Thus it is impossible to define the meaning of life in a general way. Questions about the meaning of life can never be answered by sweeping statements. “Life” does not mean something vague, but something very real and concrete, just as life’s tasks are also very real and concrete. They form man’s destiny, which is different and unique for each individual. No man and no destiny can be compared with any other man or any other destiny. No situation repeats itself, and each situation calls for a different response. Sometimes the situation in which a man finds himself may require him to shape his own fate by action. At other times it is more advantageous for him to make use of an opportunity for contemplation and to realize assets in this way. Sometimes man may be required simply to accept fate, to bear his cross. Every situation is distinguished by its uniqueness, and there is always only one right answer to the problem posed by the situation at hand”

“Long ago we had passed the stage of asking what was the meaning of life, a naïve query which understands life as the attaining of some aim through the active creation of something of value. For us, the meaning of life embraced the wider cycles of life and death, of suffering and of dying.”

“This uniqueness and singleness which distinguishes each individual and gives a meaning to his existence has a bearing on creative work as much as it does on human love. When the impossibility of replacing a person is realized, it allows the responsibility which a man has for his existence and its continuance to appear in all its magnitude. A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life.”

“The right example was more effective than words could ever be”

“The immediate influence of behavior is always more effective than that of words”

“Was Du erlebst, kann keine Macht der Welt Dir rauben.” (What you have experienced, no power on earth can take from you.) Not only our experiences, but all we have done, whatever great thoughts we may have had, and all we have suffered, all this is not lost, though it is past; we have brought it into being. Having been is also a kind of being, and perhaps the surest kind.”

“From all this we may learn that there are two races of men in this world, but only these two—the “race” of the decent man and the “race” of the indecent man. Both are found everywhere; they penetrate into all groups of society. No group consists entirely of decent or indecent people. ”

Logotherapy in a Nutshell

“but in the first place, can you tell me in one sentence what you think the essence of psychoanalysis is?” This was his answer: “During psychoanalysis, the patient must lie down on a couch and tell you things which sometimes are very disagreeable to tell.” Whereupon I immediately retorted with the following improvisation: “Now, in logotherapy the patient may remain sitting erect but he must hear things which sometimes are very disagreeable to hear.”

“However, there is something in it, inasmuch as logotherapy, in comparison with psychoanalysis, is a method less retrospective and less introspective. Logotherapy focuses rather on the future, that is to say, on the meanings to be fulfilled by the patient in his future.”

“logotherapy defocuses all the vicious-circle formations and feedback mechanisms which play such a great role in the development of neuroses. Thus, the typical self-centeredness of the neurotic is broken up instead of being continually fostered and reinforced.”

Will to Meaning

“Man’s search for meaning is the primary motivation in his life and not a “secondary rationalization” of instinctual drives.”

“There are some authors who contend that meanings and values are nothing but defense mechanisms, reaction formations and sublimations.” But as for myself, I would not be willing to live merely for the sake of my “defense mechanisms,” nor would I be ready to die merely for the sake of my “reaction formations.” Man, however, is able to live and even to die for the sake of his ideals and values!”

“Man’s will to meaning can also be frustrated, in which case logotherapy speaks of “existential frustration.” The term “existential” may be used in three ways: to refer to (1) existence itself, i.e., the specifically human mode of being; (2) the meaning of existence; and (3) the striving to find a concrete meaning in personal existence, that is to say, the will to meaning”

“A man’s concern, even his despair, over the worthwhileness of life is an existential distress but by no means a mental disease.”

“Logotherapy regards its assignment as that of assisting the patient to find meaning in his life. Inasmuch as logotherapy makes him aware of the hidden logos of his existence, it is an analytical process.”

“Logotherapy deviates from psychoanalysis insofar as it considers man a being whose main concern consists in fulfilling a meaning, rather than in the mere gratification and satisfaction of drives and instincts, or in merely reconciling the conflicting claims of id, ego and superego, or in the mere adaptation and adjustment to society and environment.”

“Thus it can be seen that mental health is based on a certain degree of tension, the tension between what one has already achieved and what one still ought to accomplish, or the gap between what one is and what one should become.”

“What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task.”

Existential Vacuum

“At the beginning of human history, man lost some of the basic animal instincts in which an animal’s behavior is imbedded and by which it is secured. Such security, like Paradise, is closed to man forever; man has to make choices. In addition to this, however, man has suffered another loss in his more recent development inasmuch as the traditions which buttressed his behavior are now rapidly diminishing. No instinct tells him what he has to do, and no tradition tells him what he ought to do; sometimes he does not even know what he wishes to do. Instead, he either wishes to do what other people do (conformism) or he does what other people wish him to do (totalitarianism).”

“In actual fact, boredom is now causing, and certainly bringing to psychiatrists, more problems to solve than distress. And these problems are growing increasingly crucial, for progressive automation will probably lead to an enormous increase in the leisure hours available to the average worker. The pity of it is that many of these will not know what to do with all their newly acquired free time.”

Meaning of Life

“What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment. ”

“One should not search for an abstract meaning of life. Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment.”

“In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible. Thus, logotherapy sees in responsibleness the very essence of human existence.”

Essence of Existence

“Such a precept confronts him with life’s finiteness as well as the finality of what he makes out of both his life and himself.”

“It is, therefore, up to the patient to decide whether he should interpret his life task as being responsible to society or to his own conscience. There are people, however, who do not interpret their own lives merely in terms of a task assigned to them but also in terms of the taskmaster who has assigned it to them.”

“By declaring that man is responsible and must actualize the potential meaning of his life, I wish to stress that the true meaning of life is to be discovered in the world rather than within man or his own psyche, as though it were a closed system.”

Discovering Life’s Meaning

“According to logotherapy, we can discover this meaning in life in three dif- ferent ways: (1) by creating a work or doing a deed; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and (3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering.”

Meaning in Suffering

“We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed.”

“It is one of the basic tenets of logotherapy that man’s main concern is not to gain pleasure or to avoid pain but rather to see a meaning in his life. That is why man is even ready to suffer, on the condition, to be sure, that his suffering has a meaning.”

“But let me make it perfectly clear that in no way is suffering necessary to find meaning. I only insist that meaning is possible even in spite of suffering—provided, certainly, that the suffering is unavoidable.”

“Edith Weisskopf-Joelson, before her death professor of psychology at the University of Georgia, contended, in her article on logotherapy, that “our current mental-hygiene philosophy stresses the idea that people ought to be happy, that unhappiness is a symptom of maladjustment. Such a value system might be responsible for the fact that the burden of unavoidable unhappiness is increased by unhappiness about being unhappy.”

The Super-Meaning

“What is demanded of man is not, as some existential philosophers teach, to endure the meaninglessness of life, but rather to bear his incapacity to grasp its unconditional meaningfulness in rational terms. Logos is deeper than logic.”

Life’s Transitoriness

“Thus, the transitoriness of our existence in no way makes it meaningless. But it does constitute our responsibleness; for everything hinges upon our realizing the essentially transitory possibilities. Man constantly makes his choice concerning the mass of present potentialities; which of these will be condemned to nonbeing and which will be actualized? ”

“At any moment, man must decide, for better or for worse, what will be the monument of his existence.”

“Nothing can be undone, and nothing can be done away with. I should say having been is the surest kind of being.”

Paradoxical intention

“Logotherapy bases its technique called “paradoxical intention” on the twofold fact that fear brings about that which one is afraid of, and that hyper-intention makes impossible what one wishes.”

Hyper Intention

“The fear of sleeplessness12 results in a hyper- intention to fall asleep, which, in turn, incapacitates the patient to do so.”

“Paradoxical intention is no panacea. Yet it lends itself as a useful tool in treating obsessive-compulsive and phobic conditions, especially in cases with underlying anticipatory anxiety.”

“anticipatory anxiety has to be counteracted by paradoxical intention; hyper-intention as well as hyper- reflection have to be counteracted by dereflection; dereflection, however, ultimately is not possible except by the patient’s orientation toward his specific vocation and mission in life.16 It is not the neurotic’s self-concern, whether pity or contempt, which breaks the circle formation; the cue to cure is self-transcendence!”

The Collective Neurosis

“Every age has its own collective neurosis, and every age needs its own psychotherapy to cope with it. The existential vac- uum which is the mass neurosis of the present time can be described as a private and personal form of nihilism; for nihilism can be defined as the contention that being has no meaning.”

Critique of Pan-Determinism

“every human being has the freedom to change at any instant. Therefore, we can predict his future only within the large framework of a statistical survey referring to a whole group; the individual personality, however, remains essentially unpredictable. The basis for any predictions would be represented by biological, psychological or sociological conditions. Yet one of the main features of human existence is the capacity to rise above such conditions, to grow beyond them. Man is capable of changing the world for the better if possible, and of changing himself for the better if necessary.”

Tragic Case for Optimism

“As we see, a human being is not one in pursuit of happiness but rather in search of a reason to become happy, last but not least, through actualizing the potential meaning inherent and dormant in a given situation.”

“Meaning orientation had subsided, and consequently the seeking of immediate pleasure had taken over.”

Cause of the Plague of Meaninglessness

“As to the causation of the feeling of meaninglessness, one may say, albeit in an oversimplifying vein, that people have enough to live by but nothing to live for; they have the means but no meaning. To be sure, some do not even have the means.”

“unemployment neurosis.” And I could show that this neurosis really originated in a twofold erroneous identification: being jobless was equated with being useless, and being useless was equated with having a meaningless life.”

“The truth is that man does not live by welfare alone.”

Meaning Actualization

“Isn’t it the same with life? Doesn’t the final meaning of life, too, reveal itself, if at all, only at its end, on the verge of death? And doesn’t this final meaning, too, depend on whether or not the potential meaning of each single situation has been actualized to the best of the respective individual’s knowledge and belief?”

“And how does a human being go about finding meaning? As Charlotte Bühler has stated: “All we can do is study the lives of people who seem to have found their answers to the questions of what ultimately human life is about as against those who have not.”5 In addition to such a biographical approach, however, we may as well embark on a biological approach. Logotherapy conceives of conscience as a prompter which, if need be, indicates the direction in which we have to move in a given life situation. In order to carry out such a task, conscience must apply a measuring stick to the situation one is confronted with, and this situation has to be evaluated in the light of a set of criteria, in the light of a hierarchy of values. These values, however, cannot be espoused and adopted by us on a conscious level—they are something that we are. "

“In any case, if a pre- reflective axiological self-understanding exists, we may assume that it is ultimately anchored in our biological heritage. As logotherapy teaches, there are three main avenues on which one arrives at meaning in life. The first is by creating a work or by doing a deed. The second is by experiencing something or encountering someone; in other words, meaning can be found not only in work but also in love. Edith Weisskopf-Joelson observed in this context that the logotherapeutic “notion that experiencing can be as valuable as achieving is therapeutic because it compensates for our one-sided emphasis on the external world of achievement at the expense of the internal world of experience.”6 Most important, however, is the third avenue to meaning in life: even the helpless victim of a hopeless situation, facing a fate he cannot change, may rise above himself, may grow beyond himself, and by so doing change himself.”

“From this one may see that there is no reason to pity old people. Instead, young people should envy them. It is true that the old have no opportunities, no possibilities in the future. But they have more than that. Instead of possibilities in the future, they have realities in the past—the potentialities they have actualized, the meanings they have fulfilled, the values they have realized—and nothing and nobody can ever remove these assets from the past.”

“It is that which warrants the indelible quality of the dignity of man. Just as life remains potentially meaningful under any conditions, even those which are most miserable, so too does the value of each and every person stay with him or her, and it does so because it is based on the values that he or she has realized in the past, and is not contingent on the usefulness that he or she may or may not retain in the present. More specifically, this usefulness is usually defined in terms of functioning for the benefit of society. But today’s society is characterized by achievement orientation, and consequently it adores people who are successful and happy and, in particular, it adores the young. It virtually ignores the value of all those who are otherwise, and in so doing blurs the decisive difference between being valuable in the sense of dignity and being valuable in the sense of usefulness. If one is not cognizant of this difference and holds that an individual’s value stems only from his present usefulness, then, believe me, one owes it only to personal inconsistency not to plead for euthanasia along the lines of Hitler’s program, that is to say, “mercy” killing of all those who have lost their social usefulness, be it because of old age, incurable illness, mental deterioration, or whatever handicap they may suffer.”

“Confounding the dignity of man with mere usefulness arises from a conceptual confusion that in turn may be traced back to the contemporary nihilism transmitted on many an academic campus and many an analytical couch.”

“So, let us be alert—alert in a twofold sense:

Since Auschwitz we know what man is capable of.

And since Hiroshima we know what is at stake.”

[jinnieboo-blog1]

VIXX Hongbin: College!AU

So it took a while for me to get back to this little AU series that I’m doing, but here’s the third one, and it’s for our Bean. Hope you like it <3

“Y/n!”

You spun around on the computer chair as you heard someone call your name. “Yes?”

The newspaper club’s president smiled, “We need certain photos for this article, but none of our photojournalists were able to take many photos. Do you think you can head to the photography club and ask if we could use their photos if they have any?”

“Sure thing.” you nod and grab your things then head out to the photography club’s room.

You happily knock on the club’s door, but there’s no response. You try once again, but as there is still no response, you cautiously open the door. “Hello?”

A male student looked up from his laptop and smiled, “Oh hi. Sorry, I was a bit busy.”

As soon as he smiled, you recognized him as Hongbin. He was one of the best friends of your classmate, Ken. Hongbin was obviously a member of the photography club, but you also knew he was a member of the basketball team. You’ve seen him play- he was actually really good. You often saw him around the campus, carrying a camera. It was always a cute and charming sight for you.

You never really got to talk to this guy though, mostly because he was always either with his friends or surrounded by dozens of girls. A lot of them had a crush on him, and you could understand why. Some of your photojournalist friends often take photos of him when he’s part of a basketball game, and they fangirl together. Surprisingly, he doesn’t have a girlfriend. He’s not a flirt either. Based on what you see, he’s easily flustered and shy.

Remembering why you were there, you spoke up, “It’s fine.” you clear your throat and continue, “I’m y/n from the newspaper club and I was just wondering if I could ask for a favor.”

Hongbin nodded, “What’s that?”

“I need pictures of an event for an article we’re writing, but the photojournalists need more photos than what they have. Would you happen to have photos that we could use? Only if it’s alright with you, of course, you’d be credited.”

Hongbin smiles even wider, revealing his dimples. “I don’t mind.” he chuckles.

“Great!” you grin.

You tell him to prepare his files, and when he’s done, the two of you head to the newspaper club’s room. You open the door, only to find the other members gone. Heaving a sigh because you’re quite worried about being alone with Hongbin, you sheepishly grin. “There’s no one here…I hope you don’t mind.”

Hongbin returns the smile. “I prefer it that way. I’m not really fond of big crowds.”

You smile at him and usher for him to take a seat. Sitting next to each other, you open your laptop and Hongbin gives you his files. You click on the folder of the said event and start browsing. You copy some photos to your laptop while giving him compliments for taking such great shots. Every time you compliment him, he’d get shy and cute, saying that it’s really nothing.

Afterwards, you turn to face him and ask, “Is it ok if I see your other photos? I just think these are amazing, so I want to see more.”

Hongbin, blushing from the compliments but obviously happy and proud of himself, nods. “Go ahead.”

You quickly browse through the other photos and folders and are left in awe of how good he is. No wonder why he’s really loved by the photography club. “Hongbin!”

“What?” he looks surprised but is grinning widely, chuckling even.

You playfully clap your hands in front of him, “You really are a talented photographer. Bravo!”

Hongbin shyly smiles and continues to chuckle, “Thank you, y/n. I’ve seen  your photos on the newspaper too. You’re not bad as well.”

“Thank you very much.” you chuckle back. Contrary to what you were expecting, that it would be hard to interact with him, it actually wasn’t. He was such a polite and friendly person, which made it easier for you to talk to.

After a while, you thank him for being kind enough to let your club use his photos. He politely excuses himself, and as soon as he’s gone and the door is closed, you lean back on your chair. Sighing heavily, you smile to yourself as you feel your heart thumping loudly. “What is wrong with me?” you say to no one but yourself.

A few days later, you are at indoor gymnasium, taking photos of the volleyball players as they practice. Your club was asked by the faculty to prepare a special section dedicated to sports. “Hmm…the lighting isn’t quite right.” you mumble to yourself.

You fiddle with the settings of your camera, trying to get the adjustments right. Just then, you hear a voice from behind. “Let me help you.”

You turn around and chuckle as you see Hongbin. He flashes a dorky, cute smile and takes the camera from you, fiddling with the buttons and making adjustments. “That should do it.” he smiles.

You take your camera. “Thank you so much.”

You point your camera to the players’ direction and snap away. Afterwards, you preview your shots and gape at your camera’s screen. “They look amazing,” you laugh and face Hongbin, “you really are good at this, aren’t you, Photographer Hongbin?”

He just blushes again and shyly scratches his nape, “I’m not that amazing, but thank you.”

You chuckle at his cute shyness and humility. You give him a friendly pat on the arm. “You’re great, don’t deny it.”

Hongbin now chuckles with you, still flustered, but you can tell by his expression that he is genuinely happy to hear that.

Since you’re satisfied with the shots you took, you smile at Hongbin. “I actually need pictures of the other sports teams. I’m done with the soccer team, the baseball team and the track and field team, but I still need shots of the basketball team.”

“We have a practice game later after classes.” Hongbin says, “You can come with me and take shots.”

“Will you be playing? Girls will be happy to have pictures of you.” you tease.  

A smile forms on Hongbin’s lips, but you notice that there’s tinge of sadness in it. “No, I won’t. If you’d like, I’ll help you take pictures. I’ll bring my camera.”

You beam, “Yes, I’d like that. It’s going to be fun.”

Hongbin grins wider this time. He’s just as excited as you are.

Over the next few weeks, you and Hongbin become good friends. You even meet some of his friends, namely Ravi and Hyuk. The two like to tease you as a couple, and while Hongbin gets flustered and panicky, you remain calm and brush it off. Though deep inside, you know they have a point because somewhere along the journey of your friendship with Hongbin, you developed feelings for him. Not like other girls who think he’s just a pretty face, you actually like Hongbin for who he is. You love being with him. Of course, you wouldn’t admit it just yet.

Eventually, the two of you also became some sort of photography duo. Though he’s not an official newspaper club member, your club’s president allows him to partner with you when photos are needed. He doesn’t feel comfortable working with the other photojournalists, so he’s always paired with you because he feels more comfortable that way. Soon after, the newspaper club and the photography club somehow merged and developed a partnership because of how much you and Hongbin work together.

During the times that you two aren’t taking photos, busy with classes or basketball practice, you both go to cafés and talk over coffee. Sometimes, you’d also go around  the area, looking for aesthetic-looking places to practice your photography. Hongbin would often take photos of you, and you’d take photos of him. Some photos are pretty and good-looking, and there are also candid, silly photos that the two of you laugh at.

******

One evening, you stay up late in the library because you’re editing the layout and pictures of the soon-to-be published issue of the club’s newspaper. You’ve been there for hours, finalizing everything. While other members are editing and checking the written works, you are busy with the more creative and artsy side. When you’ve finished, you didn’t notice that it was past midnight. So you shut down your laptop and keep all your things, but the last thing you remember was that everything went black.

Minutes later, Hongbin drops by to check on you, but is surprised to see that you’ve fallen asleep. Your things are already packed, but he assumes that you were too tired to move, so you fell asleep there. Having a debate with himself, he was deciding whether to take you to your dorm or his. He’d take you to your dorm, but he doesn’t want to search you or invade your privacy by searching your bag for your dorm keys. He ends up making the decision to take you to his dorm.

Quietly, he carries you and sneakily heads for his room. Once there, he gently sets you on his bed and tucks you in with a blanket. Taking this as an opportunity, he gently smiles at your sleeping form, relieved that you’re getting rest. He brushes a strand of hair away from your face before he goes to sleep himself.

The next morning, you wake up, rubbing your eyes. The first thing you realize is that there is an earthy scent in the room. You don’t recall owning any scented candles or something of that sort, so you abruptly sit up. Even the bed and blanket is different. You look around the room. The things are very organized and neatly placed. You remember your desk being cluttered with papers, so this couldn’t have been your room. Whose was it? You look around, and when a body on the floor catches your attention, you cover your mouth and gasp. Then, you remember that you were up late, finishing your work for the club. You kneel on the floor next to Hongbin, who is just lying down on a thin mattress with small pillows. You sigh but smile at how gentle and thoughtful he was, but feel bad that he had to sleep on the floor. You wake him up gently by running your hands through his hair. When his eyes slowly open, he smiles sleepily, “Hi, y/n.” His voice is sleepy but sexy, however, you shake the thought away.

“Thanks for bringing me here, but you could have woken me up so that you wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor.” you chuckle.

“It’s fine. You looked really tired.” Hongbin states and you just smile at him.

He sits up and smiles, still sleepy, and you let out a little giggle. Reaching out, you fix his bed hair. “Such unruly hair.” you joke, and Hongbin laughs.

As you’re too focused on fixing his unruly bed hair, Hongbin whispers, “Y/n.”

He takes his chance and leans forward. Before you could react, you feel his soft lips on yours, and without any thought, you kiss back; it’s a short kiss, but when you two pull away, you’re smiling at each other like dorks. Blushing, you look down, and Hongbin takes your hand in his. “I never had the courage to ask, but I think I do now. Are you busy today? I’d like take you out on a real, proper date.”

You grin, still a bit shy, but you manage to answer, “Whoa really? Me? I’d love to.”

Hongbin happily smiles, his dimples more visible than ever. He squeezes your hand tighter and leans forward again. You both close your eyes, and once his lips are on yours, you’ve forgotten you’re on the floor and you both get lost in the kiss.

[creatinganexperience-blog1]

Q&A With Tianna Fougeray

Kara Winkler

Tianna Fougeray is a 2018 graduate from Monmouth University who has already made impressive strides in her professional career. She had previously worked at Harrah’s as a Promotions and Event coordinator and is currently employed as an Operations Assistant at Enchanted Celebrations. Although she was a business students during her time at Monmouth, she was able to find a field that allowed her to express her burgeoning creativity skills.

I recently spoke to Tianna about different aspects of her current job and the field she has established herself in. We discussed her responsibilities, how she got interested in the first place, the difficulties involved, and her plans for the future. 

Kara Winkler: What is your official job title?

Tianna Fougeray: Operations Assistant at Enchanted Celebrations

What are you day-to-day responsibilities now? What were they at Harrahs?

At Enchanted Celebrations:

My company offers photography, videography, DJ, officiant, photo booths, lighting, and more for weddings across NJ, PA, DE, NYC, and beyond. There is really no “day-to-day” in the unpredictable wedding/event planning industry, however, that’s what makes it exciting! My current role allows me to help wherever is needed in all aspects of the marketing funnel and more. To give you a brief description, my current role includes the following:

-Assistant to Operations Manager in handling production, marketing, sales, human resources, finance, graphic design,  event and wedding planning, etc.

-Assists with the onboarding process of new hires and interns

-Creating creative website content, updating our photographers’ portfolios, scheduling email blasts, and posting to social media daily

-Coordinating with wedding sales team to help them with marketing or anything they may need

-Communication with caterers and wedding venues that we work closely with

At Harrah’s:

My title at Harrah’s was a Promotions and Events Coordinator, which again, I didn’t perform the same tasks daily!  I was in charge of executing my own small to large scale weekly special events and casino promotions. In addition, I was responsible for all event design, marketing, information technology tasks, and more to ensure my events would be successful.

KW: What got you interested in this field?

TF: I’ve always worked in this field throughout my college summers at prestigious hotels and venues. Throughout college, I was a part of an event planning club where I planned my very own events and it was a taste of what a career could be like. Although I have decided to move on from my event planning role at Harrah’s, I am grateful for the opportunities and connections it has given me in my current role. It also has reminded me of my passion for weddings and going above and beyond for couples.

KW: What was the most difficult part of starting your career?

TF: The most difficult part in event planning for me at least was finding my niche. There are so many different parts to the field and directions that you can go in. It was so overwhelming for me and I didn’t know where to start. After graduating college, I was set on working for a large corporation (like harrahs) to be successful and happy and reach the top. However, I realized that I really missed planning weddings and working with couples individually so I followed my passions and heart to where I am now! It was the best decision I could have made.

KW: What’s the most rewarding part of your job?

TF: There’s a ton of rewarding parts to my job because I am surrounded by coworkers that constantly are encouraging me. They truly motivate me to perform at my best. Also, not many people can say that they tied together both a career and a passion, and that definitely makes it rewarding and special for me. If I had to choose the most rewarding part it would have to be getting to hear from the couples and interacting with them pre and post wedding/engagement session/etc. Something as simple as the bride commenting on our Instagram post saying thank you to us for making their wedding dreams come true makes me so happy!

KW: What were the most helpful classes you took in school?

TF: I was blessed to be a part of Monmouth University‘s Business school and to have met many helpful and inspiring professors that I still keep in contact with to this day. There is one course from college called “Social Media and Public Relations” that truly changed my life. There was only one semester-long assignment given for the course; to create a blog on a topic of your choice and make social media accounts to promote it. I chose to design a wedding inspiration blog. At the end of the semester, we gathered all of our work from social media and created a social media portfolio binder. Interestingly enough, my professor loved my binder so much and recommended that I apply for a wedding marketing internship open for my current company, Enchanted Celebrations. I took her advice and brought this binder along to my interview, and it really made me stand out among the other candidates. I got the internship during my last semester of college and I am so happy to say that I’m back there today working full-time!

KW: What’s something you didn’t expect when getting into this career field?

TF: I would say that I didn’t expect how versatile my field really is. There are so many opportunities if you stay looking for them and learn what you are passionate about. Relating this back to Harrah’s, I thought I was limited to putting in long hours every weekend for events that I did not have the passion for. At my current role, my schedule is a lot more flexible with having off on the weekends and getting to be more creative with marketing and social media.

KW: Where do you see yourself in 10 years career-wise?

TF: I see myself growing and leading with my current company. I also have always had an entrepreneurial mindset so it has been a dream of mine to even start my own business in the long run, create a product, write a book, or simply just inspire people anyway that I can. Wherever life and my career takes me, I see myself being genuinely happy because I love what I do now and the passion will only grow stronger for me!

[theparaminds]

It’s not as though Ryan Daley always knew himself as clearly as he does today. Often, the path has been muddled and near endless, seemingly never with a light at the end. Yet, through time, patience, and hope, Ryan has learned his purpose. He has learned why his existence matters.

For him, it is a pursuit of true art. It is his goal to create with the limitlessness of a child, to inspire the world to be better, to live with a passion unfelt prior. Whether it be in music or film, he expresses a soul honest, one understanding of youthful confusion, knowing full well the strength of his vulnerability. 

Armed with a tool belt of truth, artistic integrity and a grasp on the human experience, Ryan Daley is more than ready to tackle his greatest goals, and greatest fears, head-on. No longer will he allow himself to be boxed in by his damaging anxieties, instead, he looks forward to living carefree, finding beauty in every step of the way.

First question as always, how’s your day going and how are you?

What’s up man! My day is going well, thanks for asking. I hope you’re having a good day as well! I just got back from Toronto with my girlfriend, Steph, so I’m a bit all over the place at the moment, forgive me.

Overall, what is your best childhood memory of all time?

Man, I have so many good ones. All of which seem so far away right now, but whatever. There are two really fun memories from my childhood that will always make me smile no matter what. Both memories took place at the same location, Union Station in Washington, DC. One was with my mom and the other was with my dad!

So my mom would take my older brother and I to the parking lot of Union Station and let us drive around in circles. We would just sit on her lap and steer while she would press the gas to go. It was totally safe and we always had so much fun doing it. This was around the same time Big Willie Style by Will Smith came out so I had to be like 3 or 4 years old. That was the first rap album I ever heard. Just the two of us was my shit. I would think about me and mom whenever that song came on. She drove a sky blue Volvo back then. It was an older model too. I think it might have been from the 70’s or something, I don’t know. I don’t remember the exact model either but I would know it if I saw it. That car was so cool and it means so much to me now. Volvo is one of my favorite brands of all time because of the nostalgic connection that comes with it. I love Volvo!

Anyway, my second best childhood memory is going to the movies with my dad. He would take my older brother and I to the AMC theater at Union Station all the time. I’m sad it no longer exists, but yeah. It wasn’t the best movie theater either, but it was closest to our house. I still remember what it looked and felt like and everything! I wish I could go back. We saw so many good movies there.

What influences around your environment pushed you towards your creative path? What was it about them that spurred the decision?

Well honestly, I don’t know man. I went to elementary school in Washington, DC and every Wednesday my class would go to a place called Fillmore Arts Center. That’s where I was first introduced to Photoshop and the whole Adobe suite shit. I always looked forward to Wednesdays because of that. Art just always made the most sense to me, looking back. Visual art definitely sparked my interest first as a kid and my love for music and writing came later on. Fillmore Arts Center is definitely when and where a lot of it started for sure though.

I’m from DC, and there’s a lot of culture and cool history there but as of lately I’ve been constantly moving around, searching for inspiration elsewhere. A lot of my recent inspirations have come from movies and museums. I love to travel so I’m never anywhere for too long, ever. Going to college in downtown Richmond, Virginia and just traveling a lot in general helped me to be myself creatively and really come of age in my own skin.

You have the unique quality of not being just inspired by music, but also a strong love of a film, where did this emerge for you and how has it shaped your artistic output?

Of course, I’m inspired by a lot of movies as well. I always loved how movies and music both made me feel. And they both go hand in hand in a lot of ways too. Just as a music video can strengthen a song, a song or score can strengthen a movie. During the summer of my last year of high school, I went to New York Film Academy filmmaking program for teens. It was a 3 week intensive program in New York City. I was 17, living my best life running through Soho and Tribeca with friends! Shout out to my parents for paying for that program too. But yeah man, that’s when and where my love for film really started to transpire. Looking back, I wanted to be a filmmaker before anything else.

Watching and studying movies has me looking at things from all different angles and perspectives. Recently, I started questioning a lot of things I thought I once knew or believed and I’ve developed a pretty big imagination because of that. I’m like a newborn, everything is still so fascinating to me. Also, incorporating movies into my music is super important to me too. This technique adds another layer to my music and gives it a little bit more depth overall.

What’re three films you believe describe your artistic taste the best? Not necessarily your favorite, just the ones that describe.

Great question. Slacker and Boyhood by Richard Linklater both capture my style of artistic expression the best right now. I’m very much a minimalist in a lot of ways but I’m also always discovering new shit so my style and taste change constantly. But yeah, right now those movies are me, 100 percent! If you haven’t seen them yet, definitely add them to your list. They’re really good! Honestly, I feel like I am any and every coming of age movie. Lady Bird is another great movie that describes who I am at my core. Recently, I’ve gotten into a lot of independent shit. As I got older I started realizing independent movies and music are a lot better than mainstream, Hollywood studio shit. I don’t know why, they just are to me. They’re just so much more relatable and real. That’s what I want my music to feel and sound like.

On to music, what is the message you hope to explore within your music, and is it a goal of yours to resonate with others?

Self expression and vulnerability are really big components that exist within my music right now. Always make what’s on your heart. That’s what I want all aspiring artist to remember the older you get, the more aware you become. That’s one good thing about aging, you get wiser. I struggled a lot with finding myself for years growing up and I still do, even today. But I’m constantly evolving and changing. 5 years from now I don’t know what I’ll be like, or what I’ll be listening to. I’m sure I’ll be into things I have yet to be exposed to. I’m still figuring this shit out like everyone else. Growing up I couldn’t understand a lot of what I’ve come to terms with now. Artist like Kurt Cobain and Kevin Abstract really helped me find myself through the darkness though. I’m so much more accepting of myself than before. Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks of you, love yourself no matter what. People will always judge, that’s life.

A lot of people don’t understand me and they alienate me. I’m definitely weird and I’m definitely crazy. I have multiple personalities and I struggle with anxiety, awkwardness, and a lot of overthinking too. I’m far from perfect, and I know that. This shit is just therapy for me though. Artist like me make shit just to stay sane and write off our demons. So thank you so much for this interview and to everyone that’s reading this right now, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Anyway, I definitely want my music to resonate with people who might be going through similar issues. This is for the kids who are confused and misunderstood. My story is all of our story and vice versa. Growing up fucking sucks man.

Sonically, how will you develop over the next year and what plans and goals do you internally hold for yourself?

So I tried some super experimental shit for my last album. There’s an app on iPhone called Auxy that I downloaded last april and made 13 random beats from. At the time I felt super good about them. Keep in mind, I don’t produce whatsoever but I tried. There’s a lot of singing on my last album too. Shit was super experimental for me. Honestly, I had no idea what I was doing. I just made something out of what I had around me at the time. This summer’s project will sound more familiar to my beginnings. I want to get back to actually rapping, and maybe have real instrumentation this time around too. That would be tight.

Also, I want to be able to play more shows this year. Right now it’s hard for me to perform in a room full of unfamiliar faces and connect with them on an emotional and genuine level. This year I want to be able to do that, or at least try. I’m tired of overthinking shit.

Do you believe that future projects will build upon or subvert much of what you’ve released previously? And to add to that, what’s your vision with your upcoming work?

This summer’s project will look, sound, and feel like the year 2004. That’s the year I graduated elementary school. H2 Hummer’s and Cadillac Escalade’s were popular in hip hop back then. There will be some pop and r&b elements throughout but the majority will be rap. The thing is, I don’t want it to sound like anything being played right now, it has to be 2004, 100 percent. Everything must be done with precision.

I’m going to keep building upon what’s already out there for me and continue to curate my catalog in a unique way. Everyone always does the same shit. I want to go in the opposite directions always, even if that means going down a one way street. I’m always breaking rules and going against the grain. I want that same energy to translate through my art and music.

When approaching this new work, what changes or improvements have you made to your creative process? Or, is it barely a process and more so something random?

I’m approaching this new project in a similar way as my previous, starting with mood boarding and a lot of research! Since this next project will be inspired by a specific era, I’m going to travel backwards for bit. Inserting myself back into 2004 will really help me when coming up with ideas and other concepts. I’ll ask questions like; what were people wearing back then? What were people listening to? What did shopping malls look like? What were the commercials on tv selling? What dreams were being sold to the youth of my generation?

These are all questions that will need to be answered while starting this new project. I’m going to watch a lot of movies that were released that year as well. Ultimately, I want to fully immerse myself in 2004 rap and pop culture because that’s when I fell in love with music. When G-unit and D12 were the focal point of rap. 50 cent and Eminem were my idols back then and before rap music I was listening to alternative rock and shit like that.

As far as idea building goes, this new work will be treated more as a group project rather than an independent release. I’m working alongside Unit 4, a creative union me and my friends Deontae Murphy and ATF started back in 2014. Having a group of people around me to help with writing and song arrangement will make our final product that much better. There’s power in numbers when it comes to product building. Working from this angle, all successes will be shared and valued. My goal is to do peer evaluations at the end of this project too, so we’ll all know who held their weight and who didn’t. We’ll post our grades online after we’re finished so everyone can see who was in charge of what. Team building is really important and I always had a hard time working w others so this will be good for me. This is all trial and error.

While a large question, what do you hope your artistic legacy to become? What is it you hope to leave this earth having accomplished?

Another great question man. This one is loaded but overall, I don’t know. Right now, I’ll take whatever the people decide for me. My legacy is up to them. They’ll decide if I’m a huge star or not. As long as I’m remembered as a kind, genuine person, I’m happy. That’s all that matters to me. Jim Carrey and Shia Labeouf both helped me realize this. Those are two idols of mine who helped shape my most recent beliefs and ideologies on success. They’re both insanely brilliant and understand that ego should not exist. We are nothing without each other.

So a small community of like minded people who celebrate my music and artistry in unison is more than enough for me. Less is more. Plus, a lot of celebrities are bozo’s and a lot of great artist won’t ever make it A list because they’ll never sell out. When you reach a certain status you lose control of your product too. I’m too much of a perfectionist to ever let this happen so who knows how far I’ll actually get. People are just so lost in the game that they don’t even realize the game is now playing them. Just play to play and you’ll win every time.

I’m trying to be organic and iconic at the same time while telling my story and getting my points across. And I’ll still have some years left when I leave earth. I’m going to die on mars with Elon Musk. We won’t die on impact and I’ll leave mars having made a better tomorrow for our future generations. Before leaving earth I’ll play a really big festival somewhere, make a cool movie with friends and marry the girl of my dreams.

And one more thing before we move on, I want everyone to remember me as the guy who wore the same shit every day and never changed. White t-shirt, blue khaki pants, and vans. That’s my uniform now. Basic is the new weird. Basically.

Is it within your plans to begin exploring the live setting more? How it that you hope to innovate the live show experience?

Yes, definitely. Playing more live shows is one of my biggest goals this year! They have to be an experience that people will remember forever though. People should feel something when seeing me live. Everything from sound to stage design should be carefully thought out and curated. I’m hoping to have a band on stage with me soon too. There’s nothing like live music.

Projection mapping is something I would love to get into as well. It would be tight to display cool shit during my sets. Just a lot of next level shit. I’m really into technology too so maybe incorporating that into my shows somehow. I’ll have to get with Yung Jake on some shit.

On the live show topic, what have been the best concerts you’ve gotten the chance to see?

Well my first real concert was Kanye and Jay Z’s WTT tour in 2011. Their production was insane! This was hands down the best concert I’ve ever been to in my entire life, maybe because it was my first but yeah. Their shit had fire dog, real fire! Then me and a friend went to Kanye’s Yeezus tour in 2013, amazing experience also. The 1975’s shows are pretty well arranged as well but WTT in 2011 definitely takes the cake for best of all time.

They really pushed boundaries and set the bar for a lot of artist. Super out the box shit. I need to come up with stuff like that but on a smaller scale, like how BH had swing sets and grass on stage. I think that was pretty creative and well executed too. I’m so mad I missed Frank at Panorama, I think that would have been the best show of my life had I witnessed it.

As a final question, what is one lesson you would hope to pass one to any creative minded person reading to this currently? What is it you would love for all to understand and believe?

Anything is possible. There is no spoon. Don’t let your mind consume you. Don’t overthink, just do. Regardless if you fall flat, at least you tried. A lot of people won’t accomplish much in their lifetime due to fear, fuck fear. There’s only so much time we have here. Create as much as time will allow. Be a vessel and make an impact. Your work will out live you so make sure it’s good. Post nice things online because your profiles will out live you too. Travel as much as possible. You’ll learn more on road than you will at home. Comfort kills.

I hope this interview inspired you, now go make cool shit.

These kids still have dreams.

Follow Ryan on Twitter and Instagram

Listen on Soundcloud and Spotify

[thesecondshiftblog]

#PitchToWin by Second Shift Employer Shirley Romig of Equinox Fitness

We recently posted a project for Equinox that broke the record for most pitches ever. The response was so extraordinary that Equinox wound up hiring not one, but two Second Shift members as secret shoppers. We are now partnering with the company to roll this program out to other Equinox locations across the country. Yay! 

What makes this particular project even sweeter is that the client is former Second Shift member Shirley Romig. As part two of our #PitchToWin campaign Shirley generously offered to discuss what made the following two pitches stand out and, equally importantly, to share what influenced her final decision between the two candidates.

Shirley: First of all, it was almost impossible to pick because there were just so many amazing women! But, it came down to some key words, key experiences and the general tone of the pitch. With that, I narrowed my search down to four people that I reached out to and spoke with over the phone. Ultimately two members impressed me the most in our phone interview.  

Second Shift: Below are the pitches you received from two of our members - it would be fantastic if you could tell us what made their pitches stand out?

Member A

I’m a digital marketing executive with 20+ years of experience developing strategic brand-building initiatives, leveraging traditional brand marketing disciplines and leveraging digital/social media platforms to drive consideration and conversion for companies like Kraft, American Express, Starwood Hotels and Time Inc. I’ve worked on member focused rewards programs at American Express and Starwood. Both programs have mystery shopping as a feedback mechanism for the brand. I’m well versed in delivering feedback based on brand goals as well as high quality customer and member experiences.

What makes me the right fit for the opportunity? I have experience in the hospitality industry, therefore I have an intimate understanding of what makes an exceptional customer experience. I’m incredibly passionate about health and wellness. I’ve been a member of various gyms and visit boutique fitness clubs, so I can give an assessment of how Equinox stacks up to other fitness options in the city. I have implemented data focused CRM strategies in email, online, on the phone and in apps. I know how to tailor messages based on a customer need. I could quickly assess communication in the club and make recommendations to ensure that the messages are impactful. I have deep knowledge of loyalty marketing and can make suggestion on how initial interactions develop an instant affiliation with a brand which leads to loyalty 

My resume is attached to give you more detail. Here is a highlight: 

Brand marketing

Managing customer service teams 

Hospitality experience 

Loyalty marketing 

What drives me:  

I’m an infinitely curious person 

I decided to be a marketer because I’m fascinated by how people make decisions. 

I approach creating marketing strategies based on the “why” and the pain-points for consumers

Shirley: I was particularly interested in "Member A’s” experience with loyalty program design and her experience at Starwood SPG. That team has a reputation in the industry as heavy hitters so I knew that she'd bring a special point of view from her prior experience to this project.

Member B

Hello! My name is Carolyn and I'm a seasoned marketer with 17+ years of experience and a complete fitness fanatic (think SoulCycle addict, Cycle for Survival fundraiser, half marathoner, and Pilates junkie). I have deep knowledge of the Equinox and SoulCycle experiences in addition to almost every other boutique fitness class available (e.g. Orange Theory, SLT, Barry's Bootcamp, FlyWheel, CycleBar, IMX Pilates, Fireshaper, Bar Method, Pure Barre, Exhale, CKO, Title Boxing, and many more). When I was the Head of Marketing at Bon Appetit (Conde Nast), I developed a program for my team called, "Secret Guest." Every week, a different team member would scope out a competitor's event and present their findings during our weekly team meeting, using a template I developed to help them streamline the experience and learnings for others. We used that information to inform our future event marketing decisions, learn more about how to develop a competitive advantage, and improve our work. Today, I attend events and study competitors on behalf of clients and present a detailed marketing analysis of my findings, insights, and business ideas that help them drive revenue (ideas being the most critical piece of the puzzle). I welcome the opportunity to connect and learn more.  

Shirley: With “Member B”, I was especially struck by her "Secret Guest" example. Conde Nast also has a reputation for an extremely high performance standard so I knew that she'd be a strong fit. I also liked that she's tried a number of fitness concepts - but the way she described them felt genuine because she had a personal interest. Since she did not indicate that she tried these classes via Groupon/ClassPass type of program I had a level of comfort that she is not a discount-seeking customer, which is not the customer base we want to tap into.   

Second Shift: What did they do that the other's did not? 

Shirley: Frankly there were so many great pitches. It came down to their ability to convey qualifications that are specifically relevant to the task at hand and provide enough detail about their experience. Their thorough examples allowed me to visualize their expertise, the quality of their output and their level of commitment and professionalism.  

Second Shift: What information was most relevant to you when hiring?

Shirley: The information that was most relevant was a combination of their prior experience in conducting mystery shopping work, directly relevant work experience and an understanding that the outcome would need to be professionally packaged. In this case, the findings are being delivered to our executive team, so it was critical that we selected candidates that have the credentials and ability to create top-tier presentations.  

Second Shift: Let’s change course and talk about all the pitches that didn’t make the cut. Using the one below as an example, could you please tell us why this didn’t work for you? 

I believe I would be a perfect fit to be a Mystery Shopper to help Equinox understand and enhance the new member experience at all touchpoints. I have a breadth of corporate marketing experience (UPS, AT & T, Sprint) and have specific experience in customer lifecycle (acquiring/optimizing/retaining customers) marketing as well as customer experience marketing. More recently, I have freelanced as a marketing consultant for a NYC creative agency and have mystery shopped for them to get a better understanding of the companies we are pitching too (including Adidas). In addition to my marketing experience, I am an avid 'worker-outer' in NYC. I run and am a member of ClassPlass that has given me exposure to the customer experience at many NYC gyms. This project sounds like a lot of fun and I think I would be a great fit. Please let me know if you have any further questions for me and I would the love the opportunity to work with you!

Shirley: The pitcher could not have known this, but she noted that she is a user of ClassPass—for me, that is a business model that is in direct competition with Equinox. It is also a customer base that is discount driven and not our core demographic. I was concerned she'd be assessing the experience purely from a value-discount driven perspective. She also said this project would be “fun” - which made me feel like this was a 'hobby' rather than a job she’d approach with a professional point of view. Again, the outcome of this work is to be presented to our executive team so 'fun' is not the motivation I wanted the mystery shopper to have - or at the least, don’t tell me about it even if they think it.  

Second Shift: What did you think was missing?

Shirley: While she had marketing experience, it was a lot of B2B. Equinox is a very different business model, and I wanted to find experience that was more relevant to the Equinox space and demographics.  

Second Shift: What would have made this better?

Shirley: It would have been helpful to understand in more detail the extent of her mystery shopping experience. For example, what did she have to offer because of this experience, i.e. program design, the ability to extract insights vs. deliver a straight report, etc.

Second Shift: Thank you so much for taking your time to help advise the Second Shift community. We truly appreciate this invaluable intel and appreciate you “paying it forward” for other members now that you are on the hiring side.

[raniateguhcas-blog]

Final Reflection

Increased awareness of own strengths and areas for growth

MUN [Creativity]:

I often find myself in a leading position in our school's weekly MUN co-curricular activity (CCA). Consisting of about thirty people between the age 14-18, I often find myself running the CCA with regards to both the organizational and chairing aspects. Being one of the leading members in the CCA, I have to organize numerous session of debating, resolution writing and other elements which are usually done before a conference. Every week, me and the other Secretary General have to delegate roles amongst us to organize specific aspects of the CCA and since it is completely student led, this places a lot of responsibility on us to ensure that sessions are engaging but also informative.

Moreover, the CCA has allowed me to adapt to different situations due to the fact that it is such a varied group. However, in some ways, it is more challenging because of the MUN procedures that many of the new delegates are not familiar with. So yet again, this places the responsibility on me and the other Secretary Generals to teach these students and prepare them effectively for future conferences, all while running a smooth debate. It is exciting to see new delegates rising up to challenge and become more confident in public speaking and globally aware.

Undertaken new challenges

Badminton [Action]:

I joined Badminton Co-curricular Activity fully aware that I have never played an actual badminton game. My sister and I used to play badminton in front of our house, and my dad usually joined our little game too. In my previous school, I also used to play for recreational badminton but never competitive. I was aiming to get into the development squad, and actually, I got into the performance squad. I’m told that I have the skills needed to do competitive badminton.

Planned and initiated activities

Head Girl [Service]:

As Head Girl, I am representing the whole school with the Senior Leadership Team. My job is to ensure that the student’s voice is represented in key decisions and developments within the school. I am also presenting the school and student body at a variety of public functions during the year, including concerts, exhibitions, and Celebration of Achievement evenings. Head Girl meant being part of the backbone that planned for and organised events. This experience fostered creativity and teamwork among council members, where we put forward ideas for events and cooperated to make them happen. I learned that communication is absolutely key in a team so that everyone is on board and know what they have to do.

Worked collaboratively with others

Head Girl [Service]:

I had to collaborate and plan for events with the council members, house captains, teachers, maintenance staffs, and many more. I needed to be organised so that these events were run smoothly.

MUN [Creativity]:

Last year, I chaired at a conference at JIS for all the schools in Brunei. This was a dedicated Middle Years conference and had a number of students from local schools involved. It was a very different atmosphere to my previous chairing experience in Jakarta. In Brunei, the conference was dedicated for younger and more inexperienced delegates. Most delegates did not even know any MUN procedures and protocols. Thus, I had to be very involved with lobbying, caucusing and resolution writing. I also had to show considerable empathy when chairing. However, the day was really a meaningful one to every delegate in my committee as they left the conference happy and wanting more MUN.

Badminton [Action]:

Throughout the year we had more opportunities to play as “doubles”, therefore I had to continuously communicate with my partner. In addition, there is a league formed by the teacher at the school. All of the athletes are going challenging other “doubles”. The teacher already made a league table, if you win all the time, you and your partner go up the table. If you lose you go down.

Shown perseverance and commitment in their activities

MUN [Creativity]:

Having started MUN in 2015, it has sculpted me into the person that I am today, both at school and in the outside world. This journey of mine has been delightful and definitely enlightening. The whole format and structure of the debate was something that definitely pushed me to my limits when I had first chosen to take on the challenge. Having struggled with the whole concept of public speaking, MUN had forced me to face my fears and overcome them with overwhelming success. It gave me a skill that has allowed me to join public speaking contests and give speeches at highly important school events such as the annual Celebration of Achievement gathering at our school.

However, despite its academic aid, I think more importantly it has made me a much more confident and outgoing individual. Someone who is not afraid to express his views and thoughts, but at the same time someone who is willing to listen and accept a different point of view. And I believe this something that has been enhanced over time. At every conference, you meet new people and it has enabled me to engage with a wide range of people relatively easily. I believe this is one of the core strengths that I have taken away from MUN.

Engaged with issues of global importance

MUN [Creativity]:

In my opinion, in order to succeed in MUN, the debate has to be grounded by the research put behind it. Preparing for conferences as both a delegate and a chair has exposed me to many issues challenging a global scale.I prepared two topic reports, 1500 words each, for the MYMUN 2018 conference concerning microcredit and methods to establish a comprehensive and effective healthcare system. microcredit provides financial services to the poorest of the poor. It involves extending loans as small as 20 dollars so that people can start businesses, generate income for their families and begin the climb out of poverty. While healthcare policy is a complicated ongoing discussion. Around the world, every healthcare system is struggling with rising costs and uneven quality despite the hard work of well-intentioned, well-trained clinicians. Health care leaders and policymakers have tried countless incremental fixes – attacking fraud, reducing errors, enforcing practice guidelines, making patients better “consumers,” implementing electronic medical records – but none have had much impact.

Considered the ethical implications of their actions

MUN [Creativity]:

Undertaking a country’s stance on an issue requires a certain level of sensitivity when representing an argument. One of the joys of Model United Nations is that there are no winners. No country is perceived as better than their fellow 193 UN member states. The delegates representing all the world’s sovereign states are not competing against others, they are not trying to be the most popular and nor are they trying to win votes at the expense of others. The winners are the ones who speak for the first time, the ones who learn to debate and the ones who come up with realistic solutions. MUN is a true union. Like-minded students coming together to share ideas, find solutions and also, have fun!

Reflection Questions

Creativity: MUN

1. What did the activity mean to me?  Should others do this activity?  Why?

Having attended many MUN conferences already, I often get asked the question of why I carry on? As far as many people are concerned, MUN is something you just paste on the CV. Nothing more, nothing less! Which is a genuine shame, because, for me, it has become something of an obsession. I cannot help but carry on with this 'hobby' of mine. The experiences and the challenges that you face makes it interesting and extremely engaging. Every conference is similar but different; the people, the roles, and the topics. It is an ever-changing environment which always keeps you on your toes. And with these changes comes new challenges that one chooses to embark on.

To me, MUN means a lot. Throughout the years I've put in countless hours of work and a lot of dedication to get to the position where I am today, and I will keep on working. However, now I am faced with a different challenge. The MUN programme has been an outlet for me to realise the ongoings of the international community and the issues that concern it. Brunei is currently on the cusp of change (as are many countries in Asia), and the increase of networks in globalisation has definitely boosted the need for international cooperation. I think the MUN is empowering and allows many young people to realise they are able to enact change.

2. What have I learned about important “global” issues?  What are my views/feelings on these issues?  What have I done to address them?

The May 2015 fuel shortage in Nigeria, for example, illustrates the importance of resource allocation. It intrigues me how in a few days, the largest economy in Africa nearly collapsed due to a national shortage. The inevitability of infinite wants but finite resources illustrated in this crisis serves to prove the primary role of economics. Corruption is another global issue which I debated during THIMUN last year, I was able to see the harmful effect of embezzlement on a government's fiscal budget whilst deliberating solutions to eradicate it. Through these debates, I realized what a heavy understatement it is to say that economics only deals with the financial institutions; it also affects the local people in the most rural villages.

Action: Badminton

1. What did I plan to do?  What were my goals?  

My main goal in badminton was to become committed to it as I have not had the same competitive experience before. This was done by being more aware of my surroundings in game so that I am able to make better decisions in my play. I think I have slowly started to achieve this goal, as I am now more tactical on court. I now am more able to go from one end of the court to the other end of the court faster and my control over the shuttle has become more stable. In the future, I would love to practice more on my smashing skills.

2. What was my biggest challenge?

The biggest challenge for me was to become more motivated throughout the CCA, as sometimes I lose focus and concentration and decided to just take the defeat rather than win the game. Constructive self-evaluation is always valuable to identify areas for improvement, but this can sometimes lead to negative thoughts. Having a clear mind is needed to move forward, and so it is important to be fair and forgiving on oneself and to avoid being too harsh.

Service: Head Girl

1. How did I interact with others? What did I learn about myself and others?  

I learned the way people plan and organise for things is different. There are people who like to plan for things early, and others who do so closer to the actual date. I think doing things early helps a lot because it gives room for in case anything major happens, albeit doing things closer to the date also has its benefits. For one, everyone is always really busy and so if we plan something out and have a good plan then we can do things efficiently. I’ve been able to be flexible to both ways depending on the situation. I think either one works if we just have a solid idea of what we will do.

2. How do I see myself developing as a result of this activity?

My whole life, I stood by a philosophical notion that we exist for a reason, constantly reminding this to myself every single day. I believe the very reason for my existence is to help people, encourage them, and to grow into being a better person. I started off small, trying to be the model figure my sister looked up to, then I encouraged myself to achieve top grades and motivate my friends to do better. By taking on the opportunity, I was able to help the school to move forward by introducing new events,  new rules and regulations, and new opportunities.

One of the biggest lessons I learned as Head Girl is organisational skills. I have developed an appreciation for the timeline before an event during the planning stages. It has taught me to plan everything in advance, there is no successful event without proper planning. It has made me realise that everyone works at different stages when we organise an activity, and so sometimes things take longer, and other times we can get things done very quickly. This has made me learn that successful teamwork lies on trust and being considerate on one another.

[yeeyee-alumni]

Hi there, anon last week who offered some criticism about bias/etc in response to the Joel essay. Was looking forward to your Abby essay and really wanted to be open minded but truthfully you managed to cherry pick the absolute shit out of moments in the game and ignored so many allusions/small nuances/moments that you claim aren’t in the game (Abby showing regret, etc). That take is one of the most biased takes yet that I have read about this game. Also your use of the word retarded to describe Ellie’s questionable decision making with Mel and Owen isn’t cool. If you’re capable of writing an essay like this, you’re capable of finding another word to use instead of that.

But onto the issues with some of the arguments. This is going to be long so buckle up. (I hope it sends in it’s entirety so apologies if it doesn’t). I don’t expect this to be posted, again this is just a criticism to try and point out some bias that I’m seeing coming through. I tried to stay in a linear order of examples you brought up but if I bounce around I apologize. There’s a lot of moments that you give as examples where you would seem to embellish what happened and twist it to fit the narrative that you wanted regarding Abby and her arc.

After Joel’s death, there’s references made to Abby not sleeping and we see that she’s still having nightmares about running into the operating room and finding her dad/finding Lev and Yara. If she truly felt justified in her actions and that she had gotten her revenge, why would she still be having nightmares about this subject? Perhaps she is feeling guilt and didn’t receive any closure from Joel’s death and it’s not until after she knows Yara is okay that we finally see some sort of closure where the nightmare of death turns into a dream. It could be argued that perhaps she’s found a new purpose in life after the end of a 4 year quest and that  through taking care of those that saved her life, she’s been able to move on because of this. There’s also moments during the opening of her half (specifically when we see the mansion scene again but from her view) that after the final blow, there’s no relief. For one or two moments, some of her expression look like she could be contemplating the extent of her own actions. It doesn’t seem like there’s any joy or happiness there.

Next. Expecting Abby to change her view on the Seraphites in two days because of some kids she saved is highly unrealistic. She has conversations with Lev though when they’re making their way up to the sky bridge where they discuss the religion, how the prophets teachings have been skewed over time. Even learning about them, the Seraphites would try to kill her regardless. There’s no reason for her to have a change of heart because she’s met two outliers to their religion. The majority of them still are religious fanatics.

As far as expressing remorse to Ellie for what she did to Joel, Abby didn’t know of Joel’s importance to Ellie in the same way that Ellie didn’t know it was Jerry’s death that Abby sought out vengeance for, not taking away the cure (as stated by Ellie int he theatre confrontation where she states ‘I’m the one you want, there’s no cure because of me’.” This was a really interesting decision on the writers part. Personally I would loved to have seen some sort of revelations with these but I also enjoy the fact that they never know how significantly their lives impacted each other. Abby had to reason to show Ellie remorse because she simply didn’t know the connection. For all she knew, Joel and Ellie could have been a randomly paired patrol group from Jackson. Not a father-daughter like bond.

I do agree with your assessment that perhaps Isaac had something to do with her dark ways. Clearly he has no qualms with brutal tactics and seeing as Abby is consistently referred to as one of the top WLF, it’s not unrealistic to assume that he had a direct hand into grooming her violent ways. That’s not to say she didn’t have a choice, but it’s an interesting concept to explore how he could have shaped the growth of a 16 year old Abby hell bent on revenge.

Owen’s drunk provocation of Abby is an interesting scene because Abby has always relied on Owen to be by her side. To hear his unfiltered thoughts on Joel’s torture could have come as a shock to the system because he has always been straight with her and to have someone as important to her as him paint her brutal actions in such a blunt, disapproving way could have maybe felt like a slight betrayal. There’s no excuse for Owen cheating on Mel, but we see a moment of weakness and vlunerability with the two of them. Not sure why the sex scene gets bashed so much. Whereas Ellie and Dina are allowed to be intimate (granted yes not anywhere near as explicit as Abby and Owen), there seems to be no issue with the former as opposed to the latter. Sex is natural. What’s so traumatizing about the scene? Genuinely curious.

Onto arguments about Seraphite island. You call the line from Yara a throw away line (about how there’s fighting and gun fire from the other way) yet if the conflict has spilled out to where they were, why would they go back that way? Abby trusted Lev and Yara to know a way out because she wasn’t familiar with the island. Why shut down their suggestions when she knows nothing about the layout or inner workings? Regarding Isaac, I don’t think Abby all of a sudden offering to torture a Seraphite would have been an automatic get out of jail free card. Isaac wanted the fight to be over, why would he allow one soldier to take a boat to take a child away for torture? In the grand scheme of things, this doesn’t make sense. Abby could have chosen to go back to the WLF but instead, she chose her new family (Lev). To act like she was best friends with all of the WLF and this means she shouldn’t have killed them once again doesn’t feel realistic. Even Isaac makes a comment about the Salt Lake Crew and how close they are, there’s no reason to believe that she went out of her way to befriend others when she already had her group. Abby more than likely would have gone to SB with Owen and the others (pre Mel conversation) since she was already an enemy of the WLF by that point. There’s no need to call writers less talented/less creative because you didn’t like the story. Resorting to personal attacks on their abilities doesn’t help your arguments. It comes off as petty.

Onto Abby ‘dragging’ Lev to the theater. You’re more than willing to point out Lev’s traumatic experiences but not Abby’s. Lev chose to give Abby the map. He had no reason to, but instead offered it up to her. Lev isn’t stupid. In his interactions with Abby, he shows an understanding of Owen’s importance to her so it’s not out of the box for him to understand the implications of giving her a literal map to the location of the person that had killed the two of them. As for why wouldn’t they give up Abby’s location: Mel was ready to do so and was going to. We know she doesn’t like Abby, figured she was likely dead, and saw a chance to perhaps save the two of them if she gave Ellie what she wanted. Owen cares for Abby and didn’t want to risk the possibility of Ellie finding her, interrupting the conversation before Mel could give any info. Owen approaching Ellie wasn’t wise, but how is his effort to try and deescalate anything other than an attempt to protect both himself and Mel?

Next. Abby did not respond with glee to learning Dina was pregnant. I’m not sure what you think glee is, but there’s nothing happy or joyful about the way she reacted. She’s fueled by blind rage at that point and it’s already been established she’s an eye for an eye type person. Ellie had killed Mel who was pregnant (she’s wearing a coat because there’s a giant ass rainstorm. I’m not sure why her wearing a coat would be so confusing and out of character?) and Dina happening to be pregnant would be an eye for an eye in Abby’s view. Does this make it right? No. But she was not jumping for joy and oh so happy to find that out.

Not sure what the qualms are with something as small as collections cards vs coins. It’s a video game. There was a chance to add more collectibles for a trophy so why not? This seems like a detail to just pick at just because you can. Giraffe/zebra, we knew in the first game wild animals were running around. Why is it out of the box for a group LIVING in SLC to make a hobby of watching them? Again, seems nitpicky. A father/father figure teasing a child about a relationship. Isn’t this just a dad thing? Again, feels nitpicky and serves no purpose as a legitimate critique. The museum/aquarium, are people not allowed to explore and have things they’re intersted in?’ These little details you throw in serve no real purpose other than to nitpick and are basing this off an emotional response instead of trying to use logic regrding game mechanics/achievements/explanations/etc.

Im sure there’s things I’m missing or that I forgot to mention but this has become quite long. As a wrap up, it feels like you truly haven’t tried to look at the game from a neutral perspective. Perhaps you really have tried, but that doesn’t really show in your essays. It shows as still having a strong bias towards anything that isn’t complimentary of Ellie or Joel and their stories. I do enjoy reading different perspectives on the game and having discussions, but I would still find it hard to approach and have a thoughtful discussion because there seems to be no openness and the vibe that you know the story better than the writers do. That paired with insults flung at the writers makes it feel like nothing more than a spiteful rant for not living up to your expectation rather than a constructive critique. I look forward to further essays and hope that perhaps the tone can become a bit more neutral in them. Have a great evening.

First of all, I wanna say thank you for reaching out and offering some critique, of course that is what I am hoping for (I'm not writing a 4500 word essay only to have it not be read and discussed), so again thank you for that. The next thing, you are absolutely right about the use of the word "retarded", I'll change that as soon as I posted this response. Regarding the cherry picking, I yet again have to agree with you. Of course I picked scenes that serve as (for me the most fitting) examples to support my claim/stance. I think you would agree that talking about every single scene of this game, especially in a single essay, is near impossible. So I instead reduced the list of my arguments to what I believed to be most crucial ones in informing my opinion (thus hoping they would also be most convincing to the reader). Before I go on to react to the specific arguments you make, and I had hoped I worded my essay in a way that that becomes clear, that essay is an outline of my thoughts in a way, it is me saying: this is my opinion/position/stance and these are reasons x, y, z of why I have that opinion. Subsequently, it is neither a definitive statement of any kind nor is it a critique to people who feel differently than me. I repeatedly say "in my point of view", "for me", "I expected", as well as giving room for other interpretations (I literally state that other interpretations are possible, and then went on to explain why I interpreted it the way I did). Which leads me neatly to your first argument. For you, Abby's nightmares read as an expression of guilt as well as other instances, allusions and nuances as you say, that could be interpreted this way. But that is exactly my critique. Interpretation is something so subjective and all these supposed allusions (again that is up to the individual's interpretation) are so incredibly vague that there is no way we could ever make a definitive statement about what they actually allude to. You reading it as guilt concerning Joel is absolutely and 100% justified, but me not doing so is just as legitimate. And Abby didn't strike me as feeling guilty the first time I played, and she still didn't the tenth time I did. Additionally, a glance that lasts a few seconds (and could be interpreteted in a marriott of ways) is unfortunately not substantial and concrete enough to balance out all the concrete evidence (Abby's actual actions) I have of her being a questionable person. This is one of the reasons why I needed Abby to have an actual conversation, to verbalize what's going on in her head. And it could have been with any one person, honestly, it didn't need to be Ellie. And I 100% agree with you there that we'd have to tweak a lot of the rest of the game if we were to arrive at my proposed alternative ending, since Abby wouldn't have the information needed (none of my proposed fixes work in isolation btw, so this goes for the Isaac confrontation as well). But it instead could have been a conversation with Lev, or Owen during that scene on the boat for instance (which I absolutely adore, by the way, it's one of my favourite scenes in the entire game). Owen's heartfelt monolgue could have been the perfect stepping stone for Abby to reveal her inner conflicts, thoughts, and motivations. But instead we get a sex scene. My issues here lies with the fact that they decided to show as much as they did for pure shock value (as opposed to implying it like they did with Ellie and Dina). But this is only issue #273 I have, so let's move on to the more important stuff. And this is where it gets interesting to me personally: You argue that Abby living with the WLF for the past four years would not lead her to having a strong enough connection to her comrades to not be willing to kill them. How is her connection to Lev so strong then after just 48 hours? Looks a lot like cherry picking to me. And this next argument has to be my favourite: You don't have to critize the writers just because you didn't like the story. Have you considered that I didn't like the story because it was

poorly written? I have no idea why people put writers on such a pedestal. It is their literal job. And when they don't do their job well I have the right to critize them for it. Abby dragging Lev to the theatre is and will remain inexcusable to me. First of all, Abby's "traumatic" experiences pale next to Lev's, but on top of that she's an adult and Lev a literal child. If you don't care that she's dismissive of his feelings and struggles here, because she prioritizes her own, that's your right. But I find it horrendous. "Glee" might have been the wrong word to choose here, but you still understand what I was trying to express. Her reaction to receiving that information is still messed up and concerning. And if Abby is indeed an eye for an eye type of character, and that is the supposed motivation for her to want to kill Dina, why then did Joel saving her life not lead to her letting him live in return? That would have been the eye for an eye solution, you saved my life so I will spare yours. And yet. Now, as the second to last thing, I want to address the critique that I do not come off as neutral enough. And I am absolutely aware of that. I had a second person proofread my essay before I posted it and they also let me know (even though I was aware of it beforehand) that as a reader one can tell that I am getting increasingly more frustrated as the essay goes on. And for a while I thought of going over the essay again to fix it to try to sound more neutral, objective and unemotional (like I did with my other two essays, that still aren't entirely neutral or free of personal bias by any means, as no text expressing opinions and feelings ever truly can be), but I ultimately decided against it. Not only is this a game specifically designed to elicit strong emotions, and pointing out all the issues I have did frustrate me, so why should I try to play that down? But also, why am I the only person expected to be completely rid of personal bias or emotions? Why are my arguments only seen as valid or legitimate if I present them in precisely the one way that suits you best? How am I expected to anticipate any one reader's interpretation and thus emotional reaction to my words and consciously construct my essay in a way which aims to prevent said reaction? No utterance, especially regarding opinions and feelings, is entirely neutral or free of personal bias. Your critique of my essay is filled with personal bias as well as it is emotionally charged. Does not take away from the legitimacy of your stance and/or arguments though, does it?

My priorities when I write these essays are: accumulating enough strong arguments to support my position, structuring them in a logical way as to assist the reader in recreating my thought process (to increase comprehension), wording it in a way that is as thorough while also as efficient as possible, attempting to word it in a way that is as neutral and objective as I can be (the exception being my Abby essay as I have just explained). And since I am not dismissive, condescending, or accusatory towards people who might disagree with me, I don't see a problem with being emotionally charged every now and then.

Now, finally I do wanna thank you again for voicing critique. I do appreciate it a lot. Not only for reading my essays, but again trying to look at them critically and informing me about issues you have found within my writing. It continues to force me to look at my own opinion with a critical eye and more often than not I have found myself persuaded by compelling arguments presented by people like you. And while you said you wouldn't be interested in having an open discussion/conversation, I would have to disagree, but I think an oral conversation would be more fruitful since I do get the feeling a lot might get lost by having it be a written conversation.

[chloe-gamesdesign-year2]

Case Study

Task: I have been asked to write a 1,500 word case study for unit 12. In this task I will identify the role which I am going to be and what I want to do for my FEP, I will be taking my skillset into account and determining which skills line up with my chosen discipline. I will investigate what they do, how they work and how that part of the industry has changed. I will explain how this effects my work and how the change in technology helps or hinders me. I will research all aspects of my chosen discipline and come to a decision and create a plan and what exactly I am going to be doing for my FEP. I will then conclude by talking about what I discovered from my research, what I will need to do to achieve it and reflect on the plan and timeframe set.

Task 1 Discipline:

After looking at the animation skillset on creative skillset I feel like animation is an appropriate role for me to pursue. Some examples of the skills I have that match skills required of an animator are; I already have some knowledge of both 2D and 3D techniques, I am very creative and imaginative, I can work well as part of a team and also on my own initiative, and am able to communicate effectively with other teams and disciplines is essential, and I understand the timings and appearances of movement and facial expressions, and am able to show attitude, emotions and mood through a character’s movement and behaviour, and I am able to lip sync characters mouths with voices and sounds, I also have some knowledge of programming. Animators, are responsible for creating a character’s movements, expressions and behaviour. This is true in both 2D and 3D in both how a character moves around a level and how they behave during a cut scene.

In the past in traditional animations animators used still images or drawing and ran them one after each other in quick succession like a flipbook, in older games a similar technique was used for example in Pacman, Pacman only had a few different sprites for each direction, one with the mouth open and closed and the ghosts simply had different colours and eye placements. In current animation it works similarly to traditional animation in the sense that it is still running a series of images one after another in quick succession however every image is not hand drawn or photographed which makes the process a lot faster instead a base image is manipulated (whether that be a 3D model or a drawing) for each frame into the shape and place it needs to be in.

This progression in technology means that the whole animation process will be a lot more efficient, which allows me to complete my animation in a timelier manner. It will also give me more control over the finished product as individual frames can be altered after the whole animation is complete to make the animation flow better or to fix up any errors.

Task 2 Research:

For my project I need to understand the full process of creating animations in order to fully carry out my animation project, so to find out what I needed to do, I did some research and found an article on the 3D animation process that Pixar go through when they are creating 3D animations, and according to the article the process is in this order; story idea, text treatment, script, storyboard, voice talent, reels, colour scripts, models, sets, shots, animation, shade, lighting, rendering, and final touches and musical score. On this page I also found a Youtube video which was showing a scene taking from Cars 2 at different stages of its 3D animation creation. I did this so that I could find some professional examples of the process that is carried out to create 3D animations to give me a better understanding of this side of creating animation and whether it would be appropriate to do so for my FEP. I found this article to be useful and quite trustworthy as it was illustrated and cited a lot of its information using images and videos.

I next needed to look at 2D animation so this time I decided to get in touch with some animators and ask them about their process so that I could get some unique information from people who have experience this professionally in the role, I got a response from 2 of 3 animators. I contacted; Lemony Fresh, Pivots, and Smashtoons who are all animators on Youtube, unfortunately however I did not receive a response from Smashtoons. However both of the other two gave me detailed explanations which was very helpful. Pivots described his animation process as; storyboard/script, voice talent, animatic, clean up, final animation, and sound effects and music. While Lemony Fresh gave me a much longer explanation but this was more of an explanation of what 2D animation is like and how he animates within Adobe Flash Animate. Both of these responses, were very helpful and gave me a much clearer idea on the 2D animation process and gave me genuine responses from real life animators.

Task 3 Reflection:

For my FEP I want to create a 2D animation because my research suggested that it would be a much less time-consuming project, would give a lesser learning curve because I already have more prior knowledge in 2D than in 3D and it will shorten the required process in general because it’s shorter than 3D animation as 3D animation requires more steps which will take much longer and require tutorials as I am not fully confident with 3d animation just yet. For my FMP animation, I want to create a game cut scene so that I can introduce my character to the viewer in an interesting and engaging way. I will be using a character I had previously created who was a female rogue and will be redesigning her slightly to give her more depth and personality and make her more suitable to an animation, the cut scene will consist of her showing off her abilities such as throwing her daggers, hiding, and dashing, I will also show her killing enemies, moving around the map and if possible edit in some clips of her speaking if I am able to get someone to voice her, this is similar to the way that Rainbow Six Siege introduce their characters using their operator videos when you buy a new character or how Paladins introduce characters in their champion teaser trailers. The animation will be a few minutes long created using Adobe Animate, and following the process mentioned by Pivots. This means that I will need to first create my storyboard and script, find and record voice talent if able and necessary, create the animatic, clean up and create final animation, and create or find then implement, sound effects and music. I believe that by choosing to create a 2D animation I have set an achievable goal that is able to be completed in the time frame set. I will need to spend small amount of time getting used to animate as I haven’t used it in a while and need to get used to the software again as it has drastically changed since I last used it when it used to be flash and not animate.

Task 4 Conclusion:

In conclusion I have the skills I need to have create an animation however I may need to practice in animate for a while to get used to the software again. I have now learnt what the professional process of creating an animation is, what each step I need to take within the process is, and what I need to include within an animation.  Despite the fact that for this particular project I will be using the 2D animation process I now have the knowledge of what the process for a 3D animation is, and can apply it in the future, when I need it. I have received some great information and advice from profession animators which I can apply in the future in both this project and future projects. I will now need to apply this information and use this process to create my 2D animation, I believe that by choosing this type of animation and already having my main character created will save me time and allow me to do the whole of the project in the set time frame.

References

  Animator (Games) [Online]

Available at: http://creativeskillset.org/job_roles/325_animator_games

  Sunny Arora. 17th September. The Evolution of Animation: A brief journey through time. [Online] https://b2w.tv/blog/the-evolution-of-animation-a-brief-journey-through-time/

  Joshua Vardanega. Pixar Animation Process [Online]

Available at: http://pixar-animation.weebly.com/pixars-animation-process.html

  ThePivotsXXD. [Online]

Available at: https://www.youtube.com/user/ThePivotsXXD

  mmm… Lemony Fresh. [Online]

Available at: https://www.youtube.com/user/mmmLemonyFreshFilms

  GamesNewsOfficial.  August 1st 2016. RAINBOW SIX SIEGE - Operation Skull Rain Trailer [Online]

Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7wISaJZ4E8

  Paladins by Hi-Rez Studios. February 8th 2017. Paladins Champion Teaser – Maeve, of Blades [Online]

Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4f2L576O3_0