#genuine criticisms that have actual thought behind them this isnt about you

[slimebiock]

buzzfeed unsolved enjoyer since brent and ryan were sitting in a car doing buzzfeed unsolved here. worth it enjoyer since the first episode got posted here. type of guy who was involved in the early days of the bfu fandom here.

i need you all to take a breath. maybe its because after i drifted from the buzzfeed fandom and went my own way while still watching their content, i went to minecrafters, who are actually evil people, and learned the true horrors of parasocial behaviour, but i dont care for any of this.

‘its all steven’s fault’ okay. weird comment. have you watched a single making of watcher, or paid attention to any of the podcasts or content that isn’t ghost files? no? alright so when you do that i’ll listen to your ten page essay argument where shane madej is painted as a victim of his evil capitalist friends.

‘the content is worse now anyways i miss unsolved’ good news you actually dont have to watch content you dislike out of this weird sense of devotion or parasocial behaviour. you can stop putting your white man on a pedestal. you can consume content normally and healthily.

i dont know how to explain to some of you freaks that content creation is labour. i dont know how to tell you that this decision was long hinted. they want to be free of contractual obligations from sponsors. they want to own their content and have it be theirs. they want to produce and create, because that is who they have always been. do you think they all started at buzzfeed purely to make Youtube videos for the rest of their lives?

you are not watcher. you dont own watcher. you are just here, like i am, witnessing all of this. your opinions do not matter, because last i checked half of you have made it very clear you don’t even watch the content you’re currently saying isn’t good enough or isn’t worth it.

and yeah, okay. whatever. its six dollars a month. maybe its because i work full time while juggling rent and utilities and groceries and a phone bill, but that just means i maybe dont go to a cafe once during the month ? and for the international fans i do hope they figure out how to make pricing fair and reasonable. but for the western fans acting if they were shot and killed by steven lim personally? do me a favor and remember you’re part of this issue.

its popular to be angry right now, and so you are. i get it. ive been around this block a thousand times before. but i genuinely hope a lot of you realize that the behaviour this has sparked is strange. these are human beings capable of mistakes, but you do not own them. you never have!

c’est la vie. content creators disappoint. move on.

[loveinglymii2]

a ramble about queen of tears

if you come across this there is no proper grammar or punctuation. sorry about that, not really though.

I just genuinely dont understand why haein is so upset that hyunwoo would want a divorce like the way that they were barely even communicating, they werent happy, and her family treated him terribly and speaking of her family they wouldnt have lost their fortune if they had actually valued hyunwoo like if they had treated him like a family member and not some random man that haein married they wouldve been at least a little more cautious of eunseong bc hyunwoo had been warning them and telling them to make sure they do things correctly and they just keep ignoring him and being suspicious of the wrong person hyunwoo has been apart of that family for three years and at the first sign of something wrong they immediately turn their backs on him without even a second thought hes been working so hard at that company and they still didnt take him seriously and the grandpa pisses me off even more bc you believed some two bit bitty over your daughter AND son-in-law and she's been telling you something isnt right with that woman like he lowkey deserved to be scammed like this hell all of them with the exception of beomja deserved to be scammed like this the way they treated him was terrible especially that icky ass mother-in-law she definitely getting what she deserves bc not only is she terrible to hyunwoo shes also terrible to her own daughter like to blame your child for the death of your other child is down right diabolical shes a nasty woman she deserves this downfall and i dont even feel bad for soocheol losing his family hes an idiot that lacks critical thinking and he shouldve stopped his mom from treating his sister badly like he saw the way that woman was treating his sister and he was like at least its not me hello that is your sister and she didnt do anything but survive she cant take back what happened to their older brother and she wasnt in control of that situation either like she was just as likely to drown as her brother was only he managed to save her and die in her place

and going back to haein being upset with hyunwoo wanting to divorce her i just think it's also interesting bc while yes she loved him she did things behind his back so while we the audience knows that she broke down crying after the miscarriage of the baby and we know that she defended him when her family treated him bad (its been three years so we dont know if she was doing that the whole time or just recently started doing that) hyunwoo didnt know that so hyunwoo thought he was all alone to fend for himself to heal himself from the lost of their child and thats what gets me like yea you can say well he shouldve comforted her but how was he supposed to know she was breaking down crying when all hes seeing is her on a business phone call acting like she didnt just go through something traumatizing and how was he supposed to know that she was defending him when she'd let her family talk to him that way to his face and she would just stare ahead like they werent berating him he isnt a mind reader he cant and wont know her intentions if she doesnt display what shes intending to do and no im not blaming haein i get it people shut down and hyunwoo shouldve been more effective in communicating his feelings to her he shouldve sat her down and told her how certain things were making him feel but how can he do that if she also yells at him he was stepping on eggshells to not only appease her but also to appease his family-in-law idk it makes perfect sense to me why he'd want to divorce her

but with that said ik they love each other and honestly if by the end of this series and haein is still alive i really do hope that the two go into marriage counseling bc they cant communicate to save a life their whole marriage wouldve been fine if they had just sat down and talked to each other heck they mightve even been parents already if they had did that but instead they let it build between them and fester until resentment came and it's just crazy to me and again im not blaming haein im just looking at this from hyunwoo's perspective bc if it were me i'd feel the exact way nobody is a mind reader dont expect people to just know how you feel about them or a situation yes people have their different ways of showing love and affection and what not but every once in a while you have to show them how you feel and how certain things are affecting you and yea this goes for hyunwoo (even though again i think he was scared of her reaction to him telling her how he felt about things so..idk) but anyways so excited for this weeks episodes and im so happy that they both still want to be together so once they start actually communicating with each other (hopefully sometime soon) they'll think about getting back together they may even have a baby and i think that haeins family are going to start appreciating everything hyunwoo does for the family after this and actually treats him like a family member and not treat him like a random man off the streets of seoul lol and theyll care about the hyunwoo's family as well

[rynzii-419]

I’ve been reading about this study on psychology and it talked about this thing, “positive sentiment override” vs “negative sentiment override” and so, of course, I connected it to apologist discourse.

Bit of warning; this is going to talk about Dream in a negative light, and I’m going to reference Tommy and Wilbur in a positive light. The point of this is to show why I think common interpretations of Wilbur and Dream are exaggerated, and I try to talk about Wil critically too even though normally thats a bit harder for me, which is actually related to the psychology thing I’m gonna talk about here. So yeah, please read this if apologist discourse something you’re interested in! I try to make this readable and unbiased as best as I can. (I say this but the point here is to talk about misconceptions and exaggerations about Wilbur and Dream, meaning I say why I think Dream isn’t as deserving of forgiveness as the fandom treats him and Wilbur isn’t as deserving of the hate he gets, but I really feel like this one isn’t biased.)

Alright, first I want to explain positive sentiment override (im gonna abbreviate it to “pso”). Pso is something I see used on Dream a lot, where people will see someone do something negative and think “oh well they probably had a reasonable explanation for that”.

Negative sentiment override (nso) is what I see used on Wilbur (like all the time). This is where someone will do something even positive and people will look on with skepticism and think “that was manipulation.” (ex. The reaction to every conversation he’s had with ranboo)

While its great to look for reasoning behind a character’s actions, and great to have skepticism about a darker character’s motives, its also taken too far in these cases very often.

Okay here’s where I get a little critical of Dream. The reason that I believe he isn’t very deserving of this “benefit of the doubt” he gets so often is because:

He isn’t apologetic for any of his actions. Now, we could go back and forth all day on whether his treatment of L’manburg was right or not, but we all know that his behavior with Tommy in exile was wrong. The thing is that Dream doesn’t agree. He even says in the prison when Tommy got trapped in there, “this is gonna be so much fun, just like exile” (paraphrasing, im sorry </3). When a character shows no remorse for actions that are inherently evil (like theres no getting around that Dream in exile was evil), it makes me feel as if they cant be treated as if they’re redeemable. Of course, he could be redeemed, but i can’t see that happening to him until he apologizes to Tommy and Tubbo and distances himself from them entirely. The problem is that i don’t see that happening at this point.

He showed signs of being a bad person/friend before exile. Again, I’m actually not even going to address L’manburg because that’s something that people disagree on often, so here I’d rather talk about Sapnap and Dream’s relationship and why I believe that was very unhealthy. After Dream’s speech about Spirit and how he doesn’t care about anything other than the discs (and its implied that he really meant tommy but thats besides the point), Sapnap instantly took that as meaning Dream didn’t care about him. Now some people hear that as “Sapnap is such a bad friend, he immediately assumed the worst out of Dream, how could be be so rude?” What i see that as is a sign that Dream probably wasn’t a very good friend himself. I also had a situation similar to this, where i had a friend who was really trashy (but i didn’t realize at the time) and I was always scared that they would ditch me. A lot like Sapnap, I would ask “do you think they’ll leave me?” then go back and say “haha, no, thats irrational, isnt it”. The problem is, those kinds of fears often aren’t based off of nothing. They come from an understanding of how that friend treats others, and the fear that they feel the same way for you. I think Sapnap saw how Dream treated others and didnt care much for his relationships and that made him scared for his own friendship, and rightfully so, as we saw later.

Dream was unapologetically manipulative and abusive continuously. A few spur of the moment actions would be an unhealthy mental state, but continued and premeditated abuse without remorse is a… really bad sign.

WILBUR TIME!! At long last aha. Now, this is where i speak POSITIVELY about Wilbur. I’ll throw in some crit dont worry <3. So here’s why I dont believe that Wilbur is deserving of the amount of hate he gets:

Wilbur has shown at least an attempt to apologize to people, which goes against his usual mentality. He’s a very prideful character, and he hasn’t apologized much in the past i believe. While he’s nowhere near better mentally than he was on Nov 16, he’s shown that he’s trying.

While he has manipulated people since his revival, it’s all been spur of the moment reactions. No continuous decisions, like I mentioned with Dream. Its likely that they come from his delusions/paranoia (which he still suffers from, isolation does not heal mental illness).

I believe that the times that we see him being most genuine are when he’s with Ranboo, since Ranboo is a nonjudgmental person who Wilbur has related to and feels is a blank slate for him to talk to. We’ve heard him open up about his motives a lot, such as feeling as if everyone is scared of him. That’s further pushed by the fact that cc!Wilbur confirmed that when he said that Quackity is the only one that makes him feel human since he’s not scared to question Wilbur.

I think this is the big one: Wilbur recognizes that he was in the wrong in Pogtopia. He sees that he hurt Tommy and regrets it, which I think is really important to remember. Simple as that. He said he sees Tommy look at him with the same eyes as he did in Pogtopia, which makes me believe he would want to be better. I would talk about what i believe Wilbur’s motives throughout Pogtopia was here but I think that’s a post for another dayz

Alright uh thats it i think, sorry this was so long i was just havin a lotta thoughts about it, ya know? This is open to discussion i think, i just really enjoyed writing this out :D

[endcant]

aimless musings on subgenre, citypop, and internet subcultures

theres something very interesting about watching citypop become very mainstream in korea and watching that feed back into both western listeners’ opinions and also into the sometimes-cynical efforts of a variety of kpop producers

a lot of people in the youtube/kpop sphere talk about the growth of citypop as if it were a spontaneous wave that appeared out of nowhere with mariya takeuchi’s plastic love getting picked up by the youtube algorithm in like 2018 or whatever, but thats a very like online-ignorant view of the interaction between vintage japanese music and worldwide online EDM production. citypop has been used in future funk and vaporwave for almost a decade by now, and, as a result, a number of citypop songs took off on social media here and there before plastic love’s acceleration— dress down by kaworu akimoto is one of the big examples off the top of my head, but there’s likely many many more.

“Plastic Love” by Mariya Takeuchi (1984). if you haven’t heard this yet, you’d better listen to it now. The video that first went viral was uploaded in 2017

“Selfish High Heels” by Yung Bae, Macross 82-99, and Harrison (2014) is a popular Future Funk remixes of Dress Down by Kaoru Akimoto (1986)

people who haven’t been very aesthetically literate online over the years— musically or visually, since those things are tied in subcultures— treat things like they come from nowhere. there are ongoing subcultural conversations that lead to certain aesthetic choices, and when someone tries to cash in on a trend without understanding what the trend is, that leads people to call bullshit. calling bullshit is not meanspirited, in my opinion, because it very much is like somebody who can’t speak a language getting up in front of everybody and saying “hey, i’m fluent!” and then speaking some vaguely that-language-sounding nonsense. of course people who genuinely speak that language will be outraged instinctively. it feels like being mocked.

that’s why the difference between music producers picking up on a trend cynically and music producers picking up on a trend with earnest interest in that trend’s origins feels different, even if the producers are similarly distant from the original subculture that produced that trend.

“Lady” by Yubin (2018) committed hard to the 80s JP citypop aesthetic, musically and visually, down to the sets, all fairly early in the major resurgence.

i’m sure that anyone with a passing familiarity with citypop and kpop can ascertain that not all kpop producers know what citypop is and what makes it citypop. all they know is that it is on-trend and they have to make it. not all kpop listeners know what citypop is and what makes it citypop. all they know is their idol said citypop as a buzzword in their little prepared statement. all this results in some interesting moments for me as a Music Fan, Online.

here is where i get to the thing that spurred this post: loona “did a citypop” for their japanese comeback. it doesnt sound like citypop.

“Hula Hoop (Citypop Version)” by Loona (2021). It has very odd percussion rhythms and mixing for citypop, no real attempt at a citypop verse, and strangely sparse gestures towards citypop in the form of a few seconds of bass and some synthesized orchestral embellishments that were taken from the original mix …all in spite of a very disco-inspired melody that should have worked perfectly for citypop

this is not a very big deal, and im not mad about it or anything. when a kpop act i like gets saddled with an unfortunate B-Side track i dont tend to take it very hard. however, it did raise a little bit of musical discourse in the loona fandom— in the form of remixes.

“hula hoop if it was actually a citypop song” by loonahatetwinks and Olivia Soul on youtube. this one has an original instrumental that is spot-on for contemporary k-citypop

My most favorite one of these remixes is a futurefunk remix by ZSunder, one of the very best LOONA fan producers. The fact that ZSunder thought to make a future funk remix at all speaks more to an understanding of the mutually supportive relationship between citypop and EDM genres than most kpop citypop producers or fanmixers seem to care to know about.

“Hula Hoop (Future Funk Mix)” by ZSunder is futurefunk made and mixed with such love that it has the infectious summery energy of a polished, big-name future funk hit

in the comments of this video, some people seemed to get the citypop-future funk connection and some didnt. many did get it, don’t get me wrong! but also, its not all that surprising for some kpop-focused listeners to not know much about EDM subcultures and the reasons behind various trends among producers, since kpop as an institution tends to take influences from any genre and culture it likes and then decontextualize those influences by just having their names used as buzzwords in the blurbs the idols have to recite when variety show hosts ask them about their latest single. this isn’t a criticism of the genre or the fans really, it’s just a part of the kpop industry that is used to add shine to an endless firehose-like stream of polished pop tracks. there are some issues with using whole genres and subcultures with complex histories as buzzwords, but god help us if we ever want a pop industry to give its influences their dues.

anyway, the intention behind ZSunder’s future funk Hula Hoop remix happened to remind me me of why i love Yukika’s discography so much, especially the Soul Lady album. I’ve seen some reviews online baffled by parts of Soul Lady, because the album in general is an exploration of that relationship between citypop and modern/internet EDM. i’ve seen plenty of Soul Lady reviews especially baffled by pit-a-pet, saying something along the lines of “what’s with the modern-sounding dance track in the middle of a retro album?”, but i think that pit-a-pet is a futurefunk-inspired track, at least in the chorus. considering both that and the Chill Lo-Fi Interludes, it seems like estimate’s team put together Soul Lady for Yukika in a way that shows that they love citypop and understand the online-specific electronic music subcultures that led to citypop’s resurgence.

“pit-a-pet” by Yukika (2020). the stacatto, bass heavy chorus is futurefunk enough, but the soaring orchestral part in the final chorus seals the deal for my interpretation.

“All Flights Are Delayed (1 hour version)” by Yukika (2020). Estimate literally released an hour-long youtube mix of one of the Lo-Fi interludes on Soul Lady as part of their promotion, clearly inspired by “Lo-Fi anime beats to chill out to,” which is another example of online producers from around the world using Japanese samples as a focal point of their music

Estimate, in the end, is still a Kpop production company, just the same as BBC, so they have no inherent claim over citypop, but the way that their exploration of subgenres clearly comes from passion and interest on the part of their production staff makes it so that their work with Yukika rings true. on the other hand, i really appreciate Ryan S. Jhun’s work on LOONA’s JP comeback, as well as on Not Friends, but the citypop mix thing was so clearly an afterthought to the point where fans of Loona who like citypop seem mostly just irritated by the cynical-seeming attempt.

heres one last good modern kpop citypop MV that has nods to the internet culture that led to its revival in the form of the videography— vaporwave, future funk, lofi, and other internet genres along those lines tend to have videos consisting of looping anime and vhs clips. future funk in particular is known for this, especially since a lot of future funk music, esp early future funk, is just loops of very short, catchy segments of citypop and disco songs. it’s all about the loops

“My Type” by Yoon JongShin ft. Miyu Takeuchi (2019). This song is so dedicated to the retro JP citypop sound that it’s almost beyond my personal taste. The singer, Miyu, was a headlining act at a seoul citypop festival and sang this song as part of her act (:

this video of “Only One” by Conscious Thoughts (2015) has a looped clip as an example for comparison with My Type. it also has a pulsing sidechain compressor working in time with its drum beat in a way that is common for future funk and that i think is a good example for my pit-a-pet yukika comparison to future funk

i guess the takeaway here is that media is more and more online, and the creation and propagation of digital audio and video content has been in the hands of literally almost anybody who wants to do it for the past two decades thanks to garage band and fruityloops and audacity and tiktok and youtube and bandcamp and soundcloud and myspace and newgrounds and p2p file sharing and so on and so forth. and therefore like… as with all things, the consumer class more and more is also the creator class, and therefore every member of an audio-visual subculture will have the ability to discern what is and isnt made with knowledge of the audio-visual language of that subculture

[thechangeling]

Autistic Trauma and Rage: Why I am furious with Kit Herondale.

Ok strap yourselves in for this one because Fae is about to tell you a story. A few stories actually. But they all connect to one another. So basically, first thing you need to understand is that autistic people do not grow up the same way allistic people do, regardless if there is a diagnosis or not.

And I don't just mean the obvious stuff. I mean the way we are socialized and how we grow to view relationships and human nature as a whole. From a very young age we struggle. Things don't come easily to us and the burden always falls on us to make the change. Shape up and do better. It's always our fault. We tend to always be naturally gullible because we aren't built with that "spidey sense" allistic people have to suss our whether someone is trustworthy or not.

People knew this about me and took advantage of me. Girls used to come up to me and pretend to be nice to me, ask me questions about my day and what I was doing only to laugh in my face when I started to tell them things like it was some kind of game. People would ask me about my special interests and then laugh behind my back when I started enthusiasticly explaining them. I learned that this meant nothing I had to say was valuable or wanted. I learned that my existence was a joke and my thoughts and feelings were as irrelevant as I was.

This is one of the reasons that scene where Livvy talks about what happened with Paige absolutely broke me. Because it's a common story among our people. But no one really seems to look beneath the surface, and recognize what it actually means.

Because think about it. Think about that lesson being taught to a child. Think of the impact it will have on their psyche and how they form bonds, or let's be honest don't form bonds in the future. There were times when to buy friendship or attention I would have to give away things. I learned early on that I could buy friendship and love with things like snacks and brand new toys that I gave away to my classmates. This worked for awhile until certain girls got sick of me and tried to pawn me off on someone else. That happened a lot. I was taught that no one really cared about me, even the people who I thought did. I couldn't trust myself to know.

This was further cemented when I was about 8, and I thought I had a genuine friend. My family hated her and practically begged me to get rid of her. And yes she was manipulative, cruel and borderline abusive as were a number of my friends. But don't you see? At least she loves me?

And that kind of thinking is pretty common among autistic people. We end up with pure garbage, friendship and relationship wise because at least it's something.

I thought that she did care until she conned her way into my house only to steal from us. That was the day I finally realized something. I was never going to be able to trust anyone. Even if it seemed like their love and friendship was genuine, let's face it I was probably wrong. So I stopped trusting people all together and I still don't till this day.

So what does my childhood trauma have to do with Kit and Ty? Well let's face it.

Everything.

Because here's the thing, even if Kit isn't naturally like the people I've been mentioning above, he has already displayed some tell tale signs that Ty can't trust him. And yes of course I know that Kit loves him, but from an autistic perspective he is really doing a piss poor job of showing it.

I actually spoke about this in my second Kitty review video, so check that out if you want. But from Ty's perspective Kit essentially conned him by pretending to go along with the spell when he never had any attention of doing so. He swore that they would never be parted and then Kit takes off with zero explanation to Ty. And on top of all of that he says "I wish I had never known you."

Think of how that looks. Especially to an autistic person. My heart absolutely breaks for Ty right now because I know what he must be thinking and feeling right now. "It was never real. It was just a game or a trick. He never really cared and I was so stupid for letting him in. It was all my fault."

Even worse, I think that this could trigger those old feelings Paige put there all those years ago. Feeling like nothing he says or does really matters because no one cares. He wasn't enough to make Kit stay and he isnt enough for anyone.

Ty just isnt enough.

And knowing all of this, especially given my past experiences, at this point in time I only have one thing left to say. This will probably change in the future, but for now?

Fuck you Christopher Herondale.

Edit: Full disclosure. I am not trying to say Kit isn't dealing with a lot, or that I hate Kit. I adore Kit and I probably always will. I'm just really angry with him right now and no one is above criticism. Also first and foremost this isn't really about him. It's about Ty and all of us in the autistic community. Keep that in mind.

[invasato]

So you're basically saying since the Skeksis are intersex that means intersex people are bad. Yes the Skeksis have bad traits but so do the Mystics. So do the Gelfling.

[screenshot transcription: Anonymous asked: Honestly, you going "skeksis = villain skeksis = intersex, intersex = evil" is kind of a bad look. That's like saying having a woman as the villain in your story makes you a misogynist." end transcription]

im not having a whole debate over this (and i very much dont appreciate the deliberate misinterpretation of my posts) and i hope you get some genuine insight from what im about to talk about but attaching traits/stereotypes from a marginalized group (or groups) to a villain to further prove how grotesque they are is Bad. the critique of the portrayal of marginalized people/their traits in villainous roles and characters isnt like "being a misogynist" or what have you and if you actually consumed media with a critical eye this would be clear.

you can have a marginalized person as a villain, sure, whatever, but you MUST analyze the intent of that character. WHY did someone marginalized have to be the villain. WHY did traits/stereotypes that marginalized people have get applied to this villain. you cannot just blindly consume whats shown to you in media, its absolutely necessary to properly digest the information and the intent behind characters, in context. this example is a bit ""extreme"" and borrowed from a friend while trying to make my thoughts coherent, but look at buffalo bill in silence of the lambs. hes a transmisognyistic caricature. you are supposed to read read his character and make the connection that "transfemininity is evil and violent and something to mock." you would not turn buffalo bill into a trans icon, or make pride art for the character, because we can recognize that this is actively harmful for trans women. in this case there may have been no deliberate intention to portray a trans caricature, but thats what happened. intent does not negate consequence.

the skeksis are never described as intersex directly by the production team of the movie. theyre called a mix between male and female/genders, and us as the audience are supposed to recoil from that. this is intended to further dehumanize the skeksis for the audience, to make them seem unnatural and scary for the humans watching the film, because obviously only something evil would be like this.

but we, as critical thinkers who presumably give a shit about marginalized people, can look at this and say "wow, this sounds a lot like how people view real life intersex/trans bodies. as inherently evil, for being different." and we, as people with access to the internet, can find a long history of dehumanization of these groups FOR these traits, specifically intersex people since thats your focus here. intersex people are systemically dehumanized by the world, often from birth.

it takes automatic dehumanization to be willing to medically abuse infants, children, HUMAN BEINGS, for daring to have sex variants. it takes automatic dehumanization to immediately assume "alien, monster, not like a person" when you hear of sex variants in media, or "combination of genders," or whatever it may be. it takes automatic dehumanization to see monsters, designed with the sole purpose of being the embodiment of evil, who were described as being a combination to ADD to their monstrosity because the team didnt see marginalized bodies as human, and deciding that youre going to slap an intersex pride flag on them, as was the point of my original posts.

take a long, hard look at why youre so eager to jump to the defense of whats practically a caricature and try to somehow turn this around to be "well YOURE the bad one for seeing marginalized identities/traits put onto genocidal villains, due to bigoted decisions from the production team, taken at face value as cool representation by fans who lack the ability to analytically engage with the media they consume, as a bad thing."

i should not have to explain this all. i will, in the hope someone sees this and understands why these things must be critiqued. i will, because it needs to be said, and i hope youll listen. by no means am i the best at putting my thoughts together, and not every marginalized person is going to monolithically agree about what are essentially portrayals of themselves. but these portrayals MUST be digested critically because they are harming real living people, who are constantly having their identities and bodies and appearances and etc demonized by media inherently associating them with villainy. people get hurt this way. people die this way. there is no consumption in a vacuum. and it is our responsibility as people who consume media to be able to recognize these portrayals and critique and deconstruct them properly, so they arent perpetuated in the future.

[thequeenb]

Come Back (part 2)

Poppy x MC

It has been highly requested for me to continue the cheating fic.

Here you can read  part 1

I walk around the campus with Chloe and Veronica by my side. Its been three days since Bea left and it feels like eternity. Everyone looks at me weirdly ever since the incident and i honestly can't blame them. Carter never dared to approach me after he read what the T said

"So we are going to go to the veggie restaurant for lunch?" Chloe asks and Veronica shrugs

I didn't realize that they stopped walking, my eyes were fixed at the Anthropology classroom where i used to wait outside for Bea to finish. She always seemed bored as hell but every time she saw me her eyes sparkled, her smile was bright

I stop, running my hand through the door watching Miss Kingsley sitting on her desk. Our eyes lock and for just a moment i feel ashamed, before i remember who i am.

"Can i help you Miss Min-Sinclair?" she politely ask and i hesitate to walk in

Who can help me? The one girl i let inside my heart left and its all my fault. What could she do? Bring her back?

Regardless i walk further looking around the classroom. My gaze falls to Bea's seat, she always sat there so she could easily text me during boring lessons. I chuckle remembering how many photos i sent her just so i could provoke her

Without thinking twice i walk towards that spot sitting down gracefully. Miss Kingsley seems to pick up with me and she comes to sit down next to me

"I know you miss her, we all do but we cant control everyone's decisions, only ours"

Normally i would roll my eyes ignoring every criticism because Queens don't make mistakes but she is right, and it hurts my ego even more

"You read that trashy blog don't you? Everyone did and now they hate me even more" i sit back thinking how Bea used to sit right here, being happy..free

"I try to avoid it but Bea told me that she won't attend my classes for the rest of the semester" she takes a deep breath

"She seemed sad, that means what she felt was real enough to break her when you--"

"Don't even say it" i try not to tear up but i cant. The images of Carter grabbing my face and kissing me cant escape my mind and i let the pain take over

"So Pops, Bea Hughes huh?" Carter said approaching me. He asked to meet behind the field but i ignored the red flags, he said it was important

"Is that why you asked me to meet up? So we could analyze my relationship? Maybe we can have a sleepover like besties do" i roll my eyes ready to storm off but he grabs my hand pulling me against him

"Don't run before you can walk Pops, after all we don't want Bea to know about our negotiation" his hand was stroking my hair but i went stiff not knowing how to react.

When we were a couple it was bearable but now all i want to do is scream. We got together for the fame, for my reputation. Because he was the football captain, its funny isnt it?

"Get your hands off of me Carter" i manage to say but he just smirks

"You know i can get her expelled with one phone call" his laughter echoed and my heart stopped beating

I didn't realize how close he was until he leaned in capturing my lips. A bright flash hit my eyelids. I gasp in surprise pulling him immediately away

"You are so disgusting" i storm off not wanting him to see my vulnerability. Tears ran down my face but back then i didn't think much of it but now i know that was his plan.

I come back to painful reality. Miss Kingsley holds my hand and i feel tears run down my face. Fuck don't show how weak you actually are

"She went back to Farmsville, you still have time" she gave me a faint smile and i throw my arms around her

"Thank you" i whisper in her ear while she pat my back not knowing how to react. I pull away adjusting my clothes, ready to pack my bags

____

"I can't believe you are back! I am so glad" And here she is, my childhood best friend wrapped her arms around me suffocating me in her hug

"Wow there, you will kill me" i laugh embracing her tightly. After everything i have been through seeing Charlie is like a dream come true

She pulls away, her smile never fading away and it warms my heart. She always knew when i was upset but never said a thing, she tried to bring my mood back in her own way

"Come on! The dinner awaits for us" i link out hands together walking down the road of Farmsville. I missed the fresh air, the people who knew me since i was little

Here you don't have to fight for respect because its something you deserve regardless. No ranks, no drama, no sassy students. Just me, nature and my best friend

We finally arrive at the dinner and we sit down to the booth we always do. I sink to my seat and oh god, i missed this place

"So tell me everything, we didn't had a lot of time to talk" Charlie says excitedly, thinking i will tell her my happy adventures but my mind keeps drifting to Poppy

I brush these thoughts away smiling "This is going to be a long ride"

We enjoyed our food chatting about the T, the professor, my plan to take Poppy down, how amazing Zoe is and how extra mean people used to be when i first went there

"Oh wow, they really have a blog to embarrass students?" Of course she is shocked, so was i and honestly every logical human would. But the students of Belvoire created a world of their own

"You have no idea, they made fun of everything i did" i roll my eyes but then laugh "soon enough they ate from my palm, silly rich kids"

"I am glad you came back, it sounds toxic" oh Charlie you have no idea

I gaze at the window remembering how much i wanted to take Poppy here. She always laughed at the thought but i know deep down she would like nothing more. I wanted us to walk down the empty streets, take her to my parents farm and watch the sunset, do everything she didn't let herself do

Charlie seem to notice my distant stare and pats my hand "Hey what's wrong? I knew something happened, your social media was filled with happy moments"

I don't dare to look at her because she knows me too well at this point

"What made you decide to leave?" she places her hand on my shoulders pulling me into a side hug

"Remember the mean girl i told you about? We were dating" i exhale heavily, my mind racing with that damn image of her and Carter making out

I fill her in with the details, sometimes i smile missing our happy moments. But then i show her the image and my tears threaten to escape. How could she do this to me? After everything that we had been through

"Oh sweetheart i am so sorry" she says hugging me tightly. This time i let her hold me closer.

I grip at her shirt as one simple tear turned into body wrecking sobs. Poppy's voice message still plays in my mind over and over again. She said she loves me but her actions show that she hates me. My heart breaks once more, knowing well that i will never see her perfect smile again, hear her surprisingly cute laugh

"Let it all out, i am here for you" Charlie pats my back, running slow circles with her palm. That always calms me and she knows, because ever since we were kids whenever i was in pain she was always there.

A part of me regrets leaving Belvoire but most of all i am glad i returned to a land where people are real and genuine, away from cruelty and drama..away from Poppy

I pull away wiping my eyes but before i could even pull myself together i watch a black limousine stop right outside of the dinner. Everyone looks stunned because hello? This is a small town which celebrity would visit?

"Oh my god i am sorry Bea but if this is Lady Gaga you have to take a picture of me" Charlie stands up and i roll my eyes

Some people came out of their stores wondering who this might be. We step out forming a circle on the sidewalk waiting for the mysterious rich person to reveal themselves

"This is stupid let's just go" i try to pull Charlie away but she is so stubborn, typical

Everyone whisper questioning the same thing, who the hell would be so rich and know where Farmsville even is. I sign impatiently

That until a man gets out of the car and everyone stops talking. The man walks around the car carefully opening the door. All eyes are on the limousine waiting for the person to come out

The first thing i see is a pair of red heels and then oh my god you have to be kidding me. My breath stops, everyone around me fades and my gaze is focused on her, am i dreaming?

"Bea?" Her sweet tone destroy my inside and i froze. What the hell is she doing here? How does she know where i am? I swear if Zoe told her i will kill her but oh wait she is approaching

"We need to talk"

My knees feel weak and i stop breathing for a second. I need time to comprehend that Poppy Min-Sinclair is in my town, here with me. Oh boy what did i get myself into

Tag list: @lolimugly @origmansello @greatestflirt-hero @mvalentine @otakufangirl-12 @sugarplumpnhoneybun @princessstellaris @indecisive-choices @i-loveeveryone @kiara-36 @ognenniyvolk @somewillwin @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @ghalind @sergeant-pepper-loves-choices @dibberdipper @tyrils-star @nydeiri @justastranger-passing

[littlebigafterdark]

I'm feeling in a particular mood for some more Logan stuff, (totally not my comfort character who unfortunately is a medium for a lot of angst /s) so maybe the almost-relapse?

the littles accidentally trigger logan's ED (janus and patton help him thru it)

This is a copy pastd from a really long message i sent to liv a few weeks ago, just in case the grammar is weird or somethin!

oOo

context: whenever roman is a brat and refuses to eat dinner, logan gets noticeably more frustrated than with any other bratty behaviour because it hits too close to home to his eating disorder

so...

one day when patton is out somewhere, maybe at his carpentry class ((thats actually slightly spoilers for a big concept for the main blog lol)), logan has both the littles

and roman is bratty and refuses to eat dinner and logan breathes evenly and tries not to worry abt it bc he KNOWS roman always eats, hes just doing it to be annoying, breathe, he isnt actually restricting its ok

and logan was literally holding the baby fork up to vees mouth and suddenly she giggles and pushes it away

"come on baby, yummy time" logan coos and smiles a little but he doesnt feel it, and with his other hand he tickles lightly under vees chin and she giggles and logan smiles and goes to feed her again

but she pushes the fork away and babbles "mo bima!"

and roman laughs "yeah, no dinner! no dinner!" and bounces

and logan is feeling rlly shaky and hot suddenly and swallows thickly and ignores roman, and keeps looking at vee "princess, please open up," trying not to pay attention to how shaky his voice is. "its papa's spaghetti remember? yummy" he nods enthusiastically and goes to feed her again

but again vee just giggles all squeaky and pushes the fork away and looks at roman with a big smile for his approval. and roman is like "yeah vee! rebellion!!!" still so playful

but he hasnt noticed logans chest is heaving a little and hes staring at where vee pushed the fork away and logan was too shaky not to drop it on the floor.

and he looks up at vee and how small she is and how shes genuinely on the lower end of average weight and they need to make sure she doesnt dip down into underweight and thinks about how terrified he is of the idea that if she did develop an ED like he did it would be so dangerous and he cant see his baby go through that and-

it just hits him so so so harshly and hes suddenly crying and roman and vee freeze and look at him. and he hurriedly wipes away his tears and breathes shakily and tries to say again

"vee pl-please just ea--" and his throat closes up, he cant even say the word 'eat' and he gags on his tears and jumps up from his chair to run out to the downstairs bathroom and locks himself in trying to calm down and stop gagging.

and he can hear vee crying and roman - adult now - promising her its okay, mama feels a bit sicky but everythings okay, lets phone nana, its ok baby

and logan is breathing too fast and shaking and crying with his back against the bathroom door, not gagging anymore, but unable to take himself outside

. he hears roman feeding vee, and vee giggling and clearly enjoying the food, but no matter how comforting that is to hear he cant get over that genuine terror he felt when vee refused to eat, its his worst nightmare for vee to develop disordered eating - for any of them, but vee is already very thin and it could be critical, and logan cant get over that

when janus arrives (barely ten minutes later, he must have jumped in the car straight away which is only used for emergencies bc of janus' partial blindness) he speaks quietly to roman, and of course theyre trying to be subtle

but the kitchen is only across the hall from the bathroom and logan hears every word of roman explaining what happened and how confusing it was and how patton wont be home for another forty five minutes and roman didnt want either vee or logan to be alone but they probably shouldnt be around each other right now since vee gets so upset when the others arent happy

roman tries to talk to logan first through the bathroom door, apologising for misbehaving and promising he wont do that again. but can logan tell him what exactly was so bad about it this time? so roman can not do whatever it is in future.

but logan cant bring himself to say anything. he cant tell roman about this at least not yet he hasnt felt ready yet even if its been years and he doesnt know if he ever will be ready to tell roman about his ED

so after realising logan wont talk to him, roman swaps with janus. janus doesnt know the details but he knows theres something about logan and eating and hes made an educated guess from all the fibs hes heard over the years.

"hey, dic" (janus' unsavoury nickname for logan that he insists is just short for dictionary) "do you need a glass of water?"

logans throat is actually dry from hyperventilating and he says with a quiet scratchy voice through the door "yes please"

and when janus brings it to the door he just knocks gently and when logan opens the door to accept it janus doesnt make any comment on logans messy hair where hes run his hand through it or on his glassy red rimmed eyes or on the tremble of his fingers. but he does say "i know it must be so cozy in there" he nods to the cramped cold bathroom "but you might just prefer it in your room"

logan flushes a little and nods, comes out of the bathroom and heads to the stairs, but he pauses at the bottom of the stairs thinking... he doesnt know if he can be trusted alone upstairs. theres another bathroom up there and the gagging has made his stomach churn and he feels FULL from dinner and if only he emptied it then maybe he would feel better right? .... no

so he rasps without turning back to janus "i... i cant be alone"

"look behind you, idiot" janus says and its far closer than logan remembered him being.

he whips his head round to see janus was following closely behind him. janus raises a pierced eyebrow "well, are we going to stand in the stairway all night?" and of course its snarky but its soft too

so logan breathes deeply and they go upstairs to his room. janus makes himself at home, immediately grabbing a book from logans book case and collapsing sideways in logans armchair as soon as they stepped in the room. logan reclines on his bed and sips his water and does breathing exercises and tries to not feel humiliated about this breakdown

every time logan tries to apologise for disturbing janus' evening (he didnt) or asks if janus is sure roman is grownup enough to look after vee appropriately (he is) or insists that he is okay to be left alone now (he's not) janus just murmurs "shut up im reading"

when patton gets back roman just tells him logan isnt feeling good and patton hurries up to see him - and upon seeing his husband logan is overcome by shame that he almost relapsed and relief that his best friend is here and a wave of tears that he tries and fails to blink away

and janus just quietly bids them good night and promises he'll stay a couple hours to keep roman and vee company, but patton insists he stays the night in pattons room (its not safe for him to drive in thr dark) and janus is used to this routine by now that he knows where the spare pillows are

so janus leaves quietly and logan croaks "thanks, old man" trying to sound casual but regretting it when his voice shakes. janus just holds up a peace sign and closes logans door behind him on the way out.

as soon as the door closes logans face crumples and he hides his eyes behind his arm and patton practically bounds over to logan and climbs onto bed next to him and cradles logans head to his shoulder as he cries

they stay like that, cuddling in bed, patton cradling logans head and kissing the nape of his neck and wrapping his arm around logans waist to spoon him and whisper about what happened and how they can avoid it in future

but mainly they just breathe and cry together and patton fills the hours with soft affirmations of love and getting logan a tea and promising its okay if logan wants a cookie with it but logan says maybe later (later turns out to be 2:30 in the morning but at least it really was later)

they barely sleep that night but its all comfort and talking and by morning despite being exhausted, logan feels safer and breakfast goes by without a hitch

oOo

just some notes me and liv made that i think highlights some main points:

logan struggling so much even when he knows that the kids are just playing around and they don't really mean that they don't want to eat, but it's just one of those things that inevitably hits too close to home

it just suddenly hit him! like any other day he can cope with roman doing that, its a small blip usually, but the fact that VEE started refusing food freaked logan out so much bc they genuinely have to keep an eye on her weight just bc shes naturally so small

his emotions about his history with an ED plus his overprotective mama cg space making him nearly go into a panic attack from the thought that vee could develop an ED is very sad and very true

and janus coming right away!! and he and roman handle the siatuation so well, like roman was so smart knowing not to leave logan alone, and janus calling him dic and taking him to his room and staying there until patton gets back

and him crying from just seeing patton because he's his best friend and he can be vulnerable around him is very :'c <3

hes so so relieved to see patton but theres also the slightests "ive let my husband down" bc he thinks bc patton helped him so much he owes it to patton to not relapse - but of course pat reassures him its natural to relapse but he didnt! he caught it in the early stages and asked for help and patton is never disappointed in him

he caught it!!! he caught it and he stopped himself and he let himself be helped by both roman and janus and patton and he didn't even relapse!! and this whole thing is really a sign of how far he's come that he was able to accept their help in his vulnerable state, even if roman and janus didn't have the full story, they still wanted to help him through whatever he was experiencing

[megashadowdragon]

me  since book 1 of legend of korra when  ever people try to claim mako was a womanizer, gary stu ( which requires a misunderstanding of what a gary stu is nad  makos character   people have thrown that term around to any character they dont like ) , or creators pet , manipulator    ,  when that was never the case     ( he never was  mako is a human being who makes mistakes the narrative always acknowledged his flaws as things that needed to be worked on the idea that if a character makes mistakes and isnt specifically punished for them and good things happen to him afterwards   its rewarding him for his flaws is nonsense    the claim that he needed to suffer or have good things taken from him is bs  korra was just as responsible for the love triangle as mako and claim that mako ending the show single was karma is nonsense he shouldnt be punished for not being perfect and making mistakes ( which is why korrasami only became popular due to the hate for mako and a desire for lgbt rep not due to any actual chemistry or because it would make sense ( korrasami was thrown in at the last minute as a retcon and publicity stunt/political statement optimistic view : bryke genuinely thought they would be doing good  and helping people  they compromised the story  narrative by throwing it in at last minute  cynical  publicity stunt either way they tried to cover their asses by casting aspersions on critics

the narrative they made led to the idea korra would end the show single with possibly a hint to makorra getting back together I cant help but rolly my eyes when I think how certain fans would react to that there would be claims of queerbaiting when they queerbaited themselves nothing hinted at korrasami the only way you could see evidence is if you were wearing shipping goggles or ending up unhappy to be frank I would change  ) (  and this was the case ever since I watched b1 ( I was part of the fndm since the first episode came out)

“Censorship explains why we couldn’t get a kiss and an “I love you” in the finale or blatant romantic scenes, not the utter lack of Korra-Asami interaction as a whole. They had six (to six and a half) minutes of interaction in the last season, spread out over six interactions/conversations. They’ve had nearly no on-screen interaction since “Long Live the Queen,” actually. They had the 5 second “I can come to the South Pole” convo in “Korra Alone” (which Korra refused), the single letter, their interactions in “Reunions,” and then the tea scene in “Remembrances.” After that, they don’t speak again until the last two minutes of the finale. The episode after “Remembrances” is the Korra-Mako field trip to the Spirit Wilds and Zaheer’s prison and the culmination of Korra’s recovery arc. Where was Asami? She had two lines in the whole episode, and they were both to Varrick.”

the aspersions Bryan cast on the fandom for not accepting what amounted to a last-minute retcon have been functioning (whether intentionally or not) to shield the creators from any criticism for their own fault in the poor execution of their endgame ship, allowing them to take all of the credit for being “subversive” and none of the blame for breaking their existing narrative to do it.

fantastic-nonsense . tumblr . com/post/105933518980

fantastic-nonsense . tumblr . com/post/112100564400                         

fantastic-nonsense . tumblr . com/post/105933518980

it often feels that 

I never liked prince wu and the only reason  some people liked him  was because he bothered mako  if I could change prince wu I would follow what ikkinthekitsune said to have mako happy 

ikkinthekitsune . tumblr . com/post/147464055579/considering-you-understandably-have-some-issues

Biggest change to the initial setup?  No Prince Wu.  Instead of an obnoxious overgrown child of a Prince, our heir apparent is introverted, lacks the confidence to refuse just about anything, and is terrified of being in front of crowds.  He’s the (implied-to-be illegitimate) child of a distant relative of Hou-Ting and a Republic City citizen.  Oh, and he’s all of ten years old.  In other words, everything about him screams “Raiko chose this kid as a convenient puppet” (instead of offhandedly implying it once and forgetting about it as was done with Wu). All of the time Wu wastes on comic relief in After All These Years is used to explain the political situation: the prince is a figurehead meant to display the trappings of royalty and legitimize Raiko’s chosen advisors.  Kuvira’s supporters hate him not just because he’s royalty but also because they think he’s essentially giving the Earth Kingdom away to an imperialistic foreign power.  Mako’s there to protect him both because Raiko ordered him to and because he’s one of the few cops the prince is comfortable around; as such, Mako actually feels bad for the kid and wants to protect him. (This prince is legitimately terrified by the scary adults throwing pies at him and bursts into tears as soon as they’re out of harm’s way.  Mako comforts him and makes him feel a little better.) Korra Alone is close to perfect and stays pretty much as-is, albeit with Korra’s loss in the Earth Rumble ring being far less embarrassing – she gets some hits in, and the end makes it even clearer how distracted she was by Dark Avatar Korra. The Coronation follows up on the political changes.  Instead of being all excited about how awesome he thinks the ceremony is going to be, the prince is afraid – of being on stage (Mako assures him he’ll do fine), of being king (Raiko assures him that his advisers will do all the work), and of Kuvira (Raiko assures him that she’ll step down).  The prince thanks Kuvira and lets her speak the way Wu did in the show, except that it’s sort of implied that he’s looking for an excuse to not have to stay up at the podium for longer than necessary.  Kuvira, of course, uses the opportunity to take over… and specifically points to Raiko’s use of the prince to control the Earth Kingdom as a reason why she’s justified in doing so.  (The prince hides behind Mako when this happens.  =( )  Some of the time saved by not having Wu freak out about the loss of his throne is used to show us the meeting of the world leaders, where they talk about why they think Kuvira is dangerous (she’s very with-me-or-against-me) and what they can do to stop her (not much as long as she limits her ambitions to the Earth Kingdom).

The Republic City part of Reunion is way more tense because Team Avatar are looking for a terrified kidnapped child instead of an aggravating jerk.  (The prince still gets to ask Korra to go into the Avatar State because he wants to see her eyes glow, but it’s actually kind of endearing since he’s a little kid.)

and only people who wouldnt like it is mako haters who demonize him for being a human being who makes mistakes and twists him to be something he isnt  to point where they claim bs things like claiming he called asami a leech when no it was a figure of speech it was avatar equivalent to ripping off a bandaid.

or whining that he was a bit of a jerk at the start or not immediately nice ( when mako is someone who unlike bolin has an icy demeanor and is wary of bringing new people in to circle  but when you are in he will die for you he has been compared to zuko minus angst for a reason  he was a jerk with a heart of gold he isnt going to be immediately friendly with people  like bolin 

 ( I cant help but think of the people who would say zuko should have suffered at the end   )

[rvb-is-gay]

ok so now that the final episode of rvb0 is out for everyone, lets get into some discussion about it! please note that post isnt a topic of debate but rather just my personal thoughts about everything, so dont go arguing in the replies

(fair warning ahead of time for any fans, this is mostly criticism and negative feelings about it, so keep scrolling if you dont wanna read it)

When RVB0 was first announced, I remember everyone was first upset that the Reds and Blues weren't in it, including me. But now that I've watched the whole thing, I can say with confidence that my only issue with RVB0 isn't the lack of the Reds and Blues, but rather everything. the dialogue, some of the animation, the characters, the delivery, the pacing, the ridiculous amount of clichés, etc. I don't dislike RVB0 just because there's no Reds and Blues. I dislike it because I just found the entirety of it bad.

When I first started watching it, I went in with an open mind that maybe this season could actually be really good. I’d also be lying if I said that there wasn't a single scene that I liked. There were actually a few, but they still didn't make up for just the overall badness of the season. But please note that I don't blame the voice actors for any of this or even just Torrian Crawford for the season coming out a giant mess. Many people worked for this season and always had the opportunity to improve or change things but didn't. But anyways, let’s get into some of the criticisms I have for this season.

1. Smaller and more opinion oriented criticisms

This isn’t really criticism or anything important, but rather just a few things I found a bit weird to me personally.

First, the term “ragtag team of misfits” was used to describe Shatter Squad (and was even actually said out loud by One in the last episode, which sounded just so cliché and dumb in my opinion). I don't think this describes them at all?? Everyone has, at the very least, decent relationships with each other (save for One and East who were competitive with each other (which I also fucking hate in RVB that all the girl characters are always competitive with each other)), but that still doesn't really fit the term ragtag) and they all fight very well. I think ragtag fits the Reds and Blues more than it does Shatter Squad; they're bad at fighting, they argue and fight all the time, they're idiots, and that's why we love them. If they had just stuck with “a team of misfits”, that would've made more sense, but again, this is more of a personal opinion than genuine criticism.

Second, I don’t really like the aesthetics this season had. Everything felt a bit too neon and bright and then some stuff just felt like it came straight out of World of Warcraft or something. It didn’t really feel like RVB.

Third, my feelings about Carolina constantly calling Wash David can be summed up by what Michael said in the first episode of Halo 4 LASO: “Now we’re just gonna throw his name around all willy nilly. It used to be a secret.” When someone is called by their real name in RVB or just any story in general where everyone goes by code names, it’s usually a big deal and indicates something serious. Carolina wore out Wash’s name the first time she said it and it just got more and more irritating from then on out and lost its value.

Fourth, who was the blue and purple soldier in the first teaser we got? Was that One? Did they decide to change her armour colour? I don’t know, I just randomly remembered that and thought it was weird but I guess it must’ve just been a colour change.

Now, onto the more serious criticism.

2. Animation and dialogue

The second thing I wanna talk about is the animation. Don't get me wrong, the fighting animation is probably the best compared to everything else and it was pretty good to watch, but the talking and idle animations and gestures were..... kinda yikes. I know that it could be chalked up to “well we’re not used to seeing animated gestures since all of RVB usually has everyone just holding their gun and using the regular Halo models” but there were still some pretty bad parts.

Take the scene from Encounter at 3:26 as an example (I uploaded the scene to YT to put here, but obviously it was blocked for copyright):

This scene is probably one of the worst when it comes to not only the animations, but the dialogue, pacing, and delivery. When I first saw this, I honestly laughed. Here's a list of my problems with this scene and what made it so laughable:

The overexaggerated hand gestures. I get that because everyone's in armour and a helmet, it can be hard to show expression, but this feels like a bit much. Especially when One says “what? You’re pulling us off the mission? You cant do that!” I think that one scene in season 15 when Grif stays behind on Iris while everyone leaves and it slowly zooms in on Simmons’ visor somehow does a lot better at expressing feelings than this.

East immediately making the connection between Axel and Zero feels weird. I don't know if its just me who feels this way, but I think it should've been a little bit longer before she immediately is just like “you know Zero don't you”

Axel saying “I... I do... I did”  also sounds weird and like he was trying a bit too hard to sound dramatic. I don't really know how to describe it its just such a weird delivery of the line.

The way they all immediately start yelling at each other.

One saying “Axe, I trusted you” right after saying “tell us the truth”. Girl, you gave him no opportunity to explain and just immediately jumped to not trusting him anymore. Speaking of which, I don't think this was ever really mentioned again and had no meaning or importance to it.

The echoing of “I trusted you” also feels cliché to me, but this is more of a minor thing.

I think this one comment on one of the episodes on the RT site that says the dialogue “seemed acted rather than natural. It didn't really sound like how people normally talk, more how actors talk in plays” is how I feel about all of the dialogue in RVB0.

3. The villains

Zero and Diesel both felt like they didn't really have any motivation at all for being villains. Phase is probably the best when it comes to this. She was essentially abused by her father as a child and forced to undergo being experimented on. This is an actual good and understandable motivation.

Diesel we know basically nothing about, and then on the other hand, all Zero wants is power. But for what? Why? I can understand that power is a pretty common thing for people to want, but it still kind of felt like there wasn't really anything there.

Some previous good villains in RVB include:

Temple: Temple witnessed his best friend be brutally murdered right in front of him by 2 soldiers who didn't give a shit and just left him to die, especially right after he told him he was having a baby. Of course it’s understandable that he has a hatred of Freelancers after this. Any normal person would.

Felix: Felix was probably the best villain of all of RVB, to be honest (right beside the Director). He was just somehow so likeable and had so much personality, despite being an asshole. His ultimate motivation was money and being rich, which is another thing I can understand; the more money you have, the more you can essentially do whatever you want and live in luxury. I mean, even so many people in real life do horrible things just for money. I don't even have to give examples for this. Felix in general is also just a psychopath.

The Director: The whole reason the Director did what he did was because he lost the person he loved most in the world: his wife. He was willing to do literally anything to bring her back, leading to all of his actions in the Project Freelancer saga. You can find many examples of movie/TV/book/etc characters/villains seeking vengeance as a result of loss of a loved one and grief. Despite being a horrible person, the Director actually managed to be a villain you could even sympathize with, making him even better.

Sharkface: Although a bit of a more minor villain, similar to Temple, Sharkface is a villain because he wants revenge on the people that killed his team, the people he considered to be the only family he’s ever had.

4. Tucker & the swords

The fourth thing I wanna talk about is the whole thing with Tucker and the swords. I always found it kinda weird how both Tuckers sword and now Locus’ sword in the chorus trilogy were the same, but then in RVB0, Zero’s sword looks and acts completely different, but that might just be a little nitpick of mine.

As for Tucker, it was so good to see him. Although I don’t know if it was just me, but he seemed a little OOC. What I didn't like about seeing Tucker again was that he did literally nothing the entire episode. He was useless. He said “I can fight” at one point but then all he does during the battle is get held at knife point, run away, and then get stabbed and have his sword taken. Tucker isn't an amazing fighter, but he’s definitely a lot more capable than just this. We’ve seen him in action many times and I just feel like he could've done a bit more. It almost feels like he was purposefully nerfed and tossed aside just to advance the plot.

Another thing that I and probably a lot of people are upset about is the fact that Tucker might not even own his sword anymore?? When East stabbed him, he apparently died and the sword was rebound to Phase, but it wasn't very clear that this was the case. Although the beginning of the next episode starts with hospital beeps and a flatline, I don't think it was still really clear enough that Tucker actually died long enough for Phase to reclaim the sword because I saw a handful of people confused in the comments and, like me, even thought it was just bad writing at first and that the writers completely forgot about the rules of the sword established over several prior seasons.

When in the hospital, Wash tells Tucker that he almost died. Although I actually liked this scene because it was nice to see wash and tucker bantering again, I think it could've been made better and made the plot clearer if instead of saying he almost died, Wash said something along the lines of “Tucker, you died. Your heart stopped, but they were able to bring you back thanks to their advanced medical tech” and then in response Tucker freaks out because that means his sword will now work for Phase and now they know how urgent the situation is.

I really really hate that Phase just has Tucker’s sword now and nothing is even said about it. If Tucker was to give his sword away to someone, I think many people would prefer that it was at least someone close to him, like Junior for example, but instead it goes to a random girl he hardly knows.

5. Pacing

The fifth thing I wanna talk about is the pacing. This season was definitely a lot shorter than normal and I think that’s one of the things that really prevented it from being good. The entire story just feels rushed and while I understand that it can be really difficult to build a good story and characters in such a short time, I think there’s still ways you can do it without it feeling like there’s so much missing. I think the long intros and outros are also responsible for less time and maybe they should’ve considered cutting them to give more actual episode time. Here’s a few things that were poorly done as a result of bad pacing:

The final battle against Zero: The whole battle just somehow felt like a typical video game boss battle that ends super quickly to me. Shatter Squad didn’t even defeat Zero, he just up and got disintegrated or whatever from Black Lotus.

Shatter Squad giving up on their mission: After receiving the silly deep voice filtered message from Zero, everyone on Shatter Squad just immediately gives up on finding him.

One’s speech: One’s speech wasn’t awful or anything and I didn’t really have any problems with the speech itself, but rather just how quickly the team went from “we can’t do it.. it’s over..” to “you’re right! I’m in! Let’s go get them!” Compare this to Doc and Sarge’s speech to the Reds and Blues after Church and Carolina leave in season 10 episode 20. It just felt a lot more genuine (this is probably because the Reds and Blues had a lot more time to be developed, though) and was only given after some time passed rather than 2 seconds later. The scene and context also transitioned well into it and at first, nobody was on board with what Doc was saying, which is more realistic in my opinion. People’s minds won’t just instantly change, they’re still gonna think about it and maybe have a few doubts at first.

Phase and West: During their fight, West talked a lot about how he regrets giving Phase away to Starlight, that he won’t hurt her, and is even willing to die for her. Their scene together ends with Phase punching him in the head and then leaving to join the others and nothing else about them is mentioned. We don’t know if Phase forgave him or not, we don’t know how West feels, etc.

Tucker’s sword: Phase still has Tucker’s sword and like the scenario with West, nothing about it is mentioned. We don’t know what she’s going to do with it, if she’s going to keep it, if Tucker’s gonna do anything about it, etc.

6. Clichés

Clichés aren’t inherently bad and can be really impactful and good if done right. But when it comes to RVB0, it’s jampacked with clichés that aren’t good. Here are a few examples:

Everyone gives up until a speech is given: All of the points for this are the same as above, but I wanted to include this scene as a cliché as well.

Every female character is competitive with each other: RVB falls into this a lot, like I mentioned earlier. It happens again with East and One, although luckily they seem to resolve it, but not until literally the end of the season.

West’s fit about East: All of the lines and delivery in this scene were just atrocious and cheesy. I think West’s dialogue just could’ve been a bit more original, but instead we’re given this boring predictable “I won’t lay a hand on her. I promised her. I promised her mother. I promised she’d be safe” spiel that has no emotion to it in his voice.

The whole “I got this, you go ahead” thing: This isn’t like a super cliché thing, but I found it pretty interesting how it happens twice in the same episode.

I think this is pretty much all I can think of at the moment. If I think of anything else, I’ll add onto this. Overall, I think RVB0 would’ve done a lot better as just an RVB spinoff so that it could have more episodes and seasons dedicated to developing characters and a good plot. I’m really disappointed with this season and I hope whatever comes next is better than what RVB0 was. I hope the team that worked on it can learn a few things that come from the good and valid constructive criticism given to them. And if I had to pick, I think I’d say Raymond was my favourite out of all the new characters. He just felt the most relatable and realistic to me.

[justmythots8]

Privilege

That little word is everything Meghan Markle embodies. It’s everything that she desires, and it’s everything that she has.

So to say that I was taken aback when I heard Meghan publicly claim that “Its been hard”, and “I have only been existing, not living”, taking a quote straight from Piers Morgan, “I’m sorry, WHAT”?

If the royal lifestyle & all that that includes is not enough for this our dear duchess, what is? What is it that Meghan Markle wants that she doesn’t have, or isn’t getting?

That is when I thought long & hard about what her intentions really were for making this documentary. At first, I wrote it off as Meghan being Meghan, trying to manipulate the masses into liking her, trying to turn the tide & make us believe everything said about her in the press are all lies and boo-hoo, poor her.

But when, I saw the article blogged by the Charlatan Duchess right here on Tumblr, an actual newspaper is reporting that Meghan’s friends told her not to marry Harry, allegedly, because the tabloids are brutal... she also claimed that the press has “Destroyed her life”.

Again, “I’m sorry, WHAT”?

According to Meghan, she doesn’t read the tabloids, or go on social media, so theoretically, how does she even know what’s being said about her? And even if she did read the tabloids, why does she care? She hasn’t thus far.

I’m sure the thick, sound-proof, renovated walls of Frogmore Cottage are enough to cancel out all that “noise”. Surely the criticism isn’t stopping her from indulging in her lavish, luxurious lifestyle. Clearly, the criticism isnt a deal-breaker for her.

At this point, I put on my tin foil hat & got to thinkin’.... I recalled the South African Safari, and how Harry went on to another country for the landmine campaign, while Meghan stayed behind with Archie. At the time, we all questioned it; “Why wasn’t Meghan attending this campaign with Harry”? With no real answer, we moved on to bigger things.

This was a very rogue “documentary”, that was done on the fringe. The palace certainly hadn’t known about it, let alone approve of it. But how could that be, I asked myself? Wouldn’t the Palace know everything that these two had going on? Especially after shit hit the fan with that South Africa tour?

Wouldn’t the palace keep them heavily surveilled? After H&M’s grand finale in SA, and announcing that he & Meghan were suing the press, wouldn’t the Palace be sleeping with one eye open?

As memory serves, these two couldn’t care less about the public’s perception of them. So then why is it that they hired a crisis PR firm, created this fringe documentary, and are suddenly interested in changing the public’s perception of them?

It’s almost as if H&M have been cut off & kicked to the castles curb, and this documentary is them throwing a tantrum because they’re not getting their way.

Afterall, this documentary broke so many royal protocols, I can’t imagine the Queen could even come up with a half-way decent, legitimate excuse for their behavior anymore. It’s over for H & M.

You cannot insult the entire British public with your hypocritical demands for climate change reform, gender equality & go on landmine PR stunts & then turn around and bitch about the criticism you’re receiving because of the mess you’ve created. It has all been self-inflicted.

So it makes sense to me that this would be exactly the way H&M acted if they were “excommunicated” from the royal family. At some point, even Harry’s own father & brother have to consider the disadvantages of keeping the Sussex’s around, because at this point, I can’t think of many benefits.

Then, like clockwork, we were all informed that H&M were taking a “sabbatical”.....LOL okay. Because a weeks’ worth of Royal duties is so demanding, that it requires a 6 week paid vacation.

Need I remind everyone that just prior to the African Safari, H & M had taken not one, not two, but 3 vacations on 3 different private jets? There was the Ibiza trip, the Elton Estate trio, and then before that, they went to the Google Camp “climate change” summit, where they relaxed on their billion-dollar private yachts.

We’re talking about minor royals here. What entitles them to this level of luxury? Why aren’t there (peaceful) protests in the streets? Brits are struggling to pay their mortgages & put food on their tables, so that H&M can live excessive, lavish lifestyles without picking up the tab.

Nobody is on their side. And I can’t blame them. Sometimes, I feel a hint of remorse for them, because I understand that it is possible that some of the things written about the Sussex’s may not be entirely true, but every time these thoughts cross my mind, I am then reminded of the little stunt Harry pulled in SA with a certain Royal reporter:

And just like that, any feelings of remorse I had for them are gone.

Meghan proved just how low she’ll go to get what she wants. She also proved why Suits was ready to let her go, with her mediocre acting & crocodile tears, she’s hardly worthy of being called an “actress”, let alone an Hollywood A-list actress.

The British people deserve more from their royal family. They deserve better than Meghan Markle. As an American, I am thoroughly appalled, embarrassed, & empathetic that our friends across the pond have to endure the suffocating & oppressive soap opera that is Meghan Markle. I genuinely, amicably & sincerely apologize.

[dracoqueen22]

[CR] Little Do I Know

Universe: Critical Role, Campaign Two Characters: The Mighty Nein, Fjord/Caduceus Rated: K+ Enticements: First Kiss Description: Chaos is what the Mighty Nein does, but Fjord desperately needs a moment to breathe and ask himself the hard questions, and maybe, ask Caduceus a question, too.

It’s been non-stop.

Fjord feels like he can’t breathe. The Mighty Nein races from one chaotic moment to the next. They leap through portals and ride horses and riskily teleport and face down Obann only to suffer defeat.

Fjord knows he’s breathing. He’s pulling air into his lungs. His thoughts are spinning anyway. His chest feels tight, like there isnt any room for his lungs, and he gulps down air, but it’s just not enough. It’s so much.

He’s jittery and anxious. He can’t find peace.

At least, not at all times.

Calm only comes to him in the morning. When he and Caduceus are the first to rise with the sun, and Caduceus brews his morning tea, and Fjord joins him. They sit around the fire, sipping some special brew, and they meditate. Or Deuces meditates, and Fjord tries, but his focus lasts as long as a few heartbeats before he watches Caduceus instead.

He always feels better around Caduceus.

At first, Fjord thinks it a fluke. He chalks it up to his need to be free of Uk’otoa and believing Caduceus has the path to do just that. He looks to Caduceus for guidance and comfort, and when he receives both, Fjord thinks that’s all it must be.

That’s all it has to be.

Fjord doesn’t know who he is.

He doesn’t know what he is.

There’s an angry sea god haunting his sleep and stealing his magic, and an angrier pirate queen who still slips into his dreams to rightly blame him for her death. Sometimes, he swears he can still taste her. It had taken far too long for the marks she left on him to heal, and he doesn’t only mean the physical ones.

The mental scars have a tendency to linger. They are, in the end, the worst.

It’s no mystery why he goes to Caduceus the night Uk’otoa refuses to rise to his bluff.

Fjord panics, and all he can think about is comfort and security and calm. He thinks about tea and a deep, rumbling bass, and the feel of Caduceus’ magic rushing through him like a warm, tingling blanket. He goes to Caduceus without pretense and a mask, and it isn’t until later that he realizes how tired he is.

Tired of lying. Tired of pretending. Tired of trying so hard to be something he’s not.

Caduceus doesn’t judge.

There’s a lot of things Deuces does judge. Their tendency to lie for one, but this, this Caduceus doesn’t judge. It’s like he recognizes the need for personal secrets, personal discomforts, personal pains. He doesn’t blink when Fjord speaks to him in a new accent, and reacts in a way only Caduceus could react when Fjord comes to him bleeding from the gut and desperate.

Fjord stops himself from falling into Caduceus’ arms, but only just. The firbolg radiates comfort and calm, and Fjord has to remind himself of something he doesn’t think anyone gets just yet.

Fjord doesn’t know who he is.

He can’t do anything, be anything with anyone, until he can answer that. Until he knows who he is and what he wants.

It hadn’t been Sabian.

It definitely hadn’t been Avantika.

And Jester...

Fjord adores her, he really does. But he doesn’t think what she wants and what he wants are the same thing. She fills him with light, but Caduceus fills him with ‘home’ and anyway.

It doesn’t matter.

Because Fjord doesn’t know who he is, and until he does, he can’t fall for anyone.

Caduceus heals him, and they talk, and Fjord starts to get an inkling. He goes to sleep, and She comes to him, and She offers and opens Her arms and Her heart and Her Being, and it doesn’t feel tainted. It’s an offer where the terms are expressed, and there’s nothing She wants from him but him.

He takes Her hands and wakes up a new person all over again. Or maybe not new. Maybe this is who he’s been all along, beneath the pretense. He kind of likes who he is now. And it seems the rest of the Nein do, too.

The hole Vandren left in him starts to heal and scab. Sabien is a distant memory. Avantika is a wound he can’t mend, same as the dark of Uk’otoa sitting like a lump behind his ribs, but he thinks -- I’m not alone. I don’t have to fight them alone.

And Caduceus.

Caduceus is there. Always there.

Fjord thinks he loves him a little more each day.

Love is unfamiliar to him.

Fjord thinks he knows what it is, but the Mighty Nein love him far more fiercely and genuinely than Vandren ever did. They protect him, and care for him, and encourage him, and sometimes, Fjord can hardly believe how lucky he is. He worries he doesn’t deserve it, but they keep reminding him, over and over, that he does.

Fjord thinks, if he knows anything of love, it has to be this warmth, this feeling when he looks at Caduceus. The slow creep of a smile. The way he goes weak and strong all over, how Caduceus can calm him with a look, a word, a touch to the shoulder.

He starts to lay his bedroll out next to Caduceus’, not that there’s really a next in the confines of Caleb’s tiny hut, but it’s as close as he can get. He can breathe in Caduceus’ distinct scent -- tea and dirt -- and it soothes him right to sleep. It can’t be anything more than this, not until he’s sure.

So he waits.

Back to Rosohna. Through chasing Obann. To Nicodranas and Zadash and back again. Chasing Obann and the Laughing Hand and Yasha through the Lotusden Greenwood and returning to Rosohna defeated and lost, and Fjord remembers.

It had been so close.

He’d tried to charm the Laughing Hand as a last resort, looking into the face of a monster which could kill him in a few blows. Jester and Caduceus were out of spells. They might not be able to bring him back. This might be his end, and the end of the Mighty Nein, and he’d cast the spell with every bit of desperation in his marrow.

And it had worked! They’d survived! A short-lived triumph in the end.

The sourness of their defeat lingers. The evidence of mortality makes his hands shake, and his heart thud, and he’s no better as himself than he was before, and he stumbles around, lost in the wake of it.

He doesn’t know what else to do but to go to the only source of solace he knows.

Fjord goes to Caduceus, who’s sitting at the base of the tree he grew for their home, incense sending curls of smoke up into the leaves, a cup of tea in his hands, still steaming, giving off a lightly floral fragrance. Fjord wonders who it is this time, and wonders when that stopped being so weird, or if it is still weird and he’s just used to it by now.

Fjord sits in front of Caduceus, legs curled lotus, and he waits. He doesn’t want to interrupt if Caduceus is meditating or communing. This is too important to rush. He can’t wait until the next close call, but he can wait right here and now.

"Hey, Fjord," Caduceus says with that slow and careful drawl, his mouth curving into a gentle smile. "You looking to commune? I think she's got her ears on."

A very small laugh escapes Fjord on an exhale. "No, I, uh, was wanting to talk to you. Actually. If you're not too busy."

Caduceus takes a long sip of his tea before he opens his eyes. "Not busy at all." Then, he blinks and startles. "Oh. Where are my manners? Do you want some tea?" He sets his cup down and pats around, in search of his bag. "I know the other cups are here somewhere."

Fjord curves a hand around Caduceus' wrist and then looks down in surprise at himself. He doesn't remember making the conscious decision to do this. But it's too late now.

Caduceus looks up at him, ears flicking. "Is that a no?"

"Maybe in a second," Fjord says, and his mouth goes dry, his tongue fumbling.

"This must be important." Caduceus settles back into himself, gives Fjord his full attention, but he doesn't shake off Fjord's hand, and strangely, Fjord doesn't seem to be in a big hurry to let go either.

His pulse pounds in his ears. He's hot all over, flushed. What in the Nine Hells does he think he's doing? Something stupid and reckless. Something a lot like pressing a shiny red button he ought not to have pushed.

He tries to speak, but his tongue ties itself in knots, and his hands shake.

"Fjord?" Caduceus' concern washes over him, and Fjord's chest aches with an emotion he doesn't have the right words for. He thinks it's probably because he's never felt it before, and therefore, doesn't know what to call it.

"We lost Yasha. Again," Fjord blurts out. "I don't know, it seems like we're losing. All we're doing is losing. And the strange thing is, you know, I don't remember when we started fighting. We were trying to get away from the war, last I checked, and now..."

Caduceus rests his hand over Fjord's, his fingers warm and soft. "Now it seems we're only getting closer to it."

"Yes. No." Fjord shakes his head, frustration gnawing at him. "I mean, yes, that's a problem, but no, that's not what I wanted to say."

"It's okay. Take your time."

Fjord exhales noisily and clasps Caduceus' hand between his, considering it a good sign when Caduceus doesn't pull away. "We lost Yasha," he says. "Again. If not for Jester, we'd have lost you. And we did lose Molly. He's not coming back." His voice cracks, and Fjord clears his throat to clean it. Some wounds heal a lot slower than others, no matter how much magic you pump into yourself. "I gotta do this before I lose anyone else."

"Yasha is only misplaced. We'll get her back," Caduceus says, and for once, his calm aura does nothing to quiet the frantic beat of Fjord's heart, or the sweat dampening his palms, or how tight his armor feels across his chest.

"That's not the point, Deuces," Fjord says. "The point is... I gotta stop being a coward before it's too late."

"You're many things, but a coward isn't one of them."

Fjord snorts. "I'm a mess is what I am. You helped put me back together, but that's not -- I don't want you to have to keep doing that. I want... I want more."

Caduceus tilts his head. "I don't follow."

Fjord hangs his head, and his fingers shake around Caduceus’. “No, I don’t guess you would,” he says, because Caduceus knows many things, but there’s a lot he can’t have learned, stuck alone in that graveyard with only his family and the dead for company.

Even traveling with them as long as he has, there are some things that can’t be taught. They have to be experienced.

Fjord swallows thickly and untangles his fingers from Caduceus’, hope buoying when he thinks he catches a flicker of disappointment on Caduceus’ face.

“I, uh, don’t want to just be a project,” Fjord says as he reaches for Caduceus, and cups the firbolg’s face oh so gently when Caduceus doesn’t rear back. His cheeks are soft under the stroke of Fjord’s thumb, and Caduceus’ eyes are so wide and bright.

But not afraid. Curious, definitely. Maybe a little confused.

“I want to be more,” Fjord says, and he licks his lips. He doesn’t want to be a coward anymore. He doesn’t want to lose anyone else. At least, not without trying first.

“Oh,” Caduceus says, and it’s quiet and wondrous, like he’s had a revelation. “Do you want to kiss me, Fjord?”

Gods.

Fjord swears steam whistles out of his ears, so quickly does his face flush with heat. “Could I?” he asks, and he’s already moving forward, tilted toward the curve of Caduceus’ mouth.

His thumbs sweep Caduceus’ cheek, and his mouth presses to Caduceus’ the moment he hears permission.

It’s not the fumbling, awkward, rough kiss he’d shared in the dark with Sabian. Neither is it Avantika’s biting claim. Or the desperate breath of life he’d given Jester in the temple.

It’s soft and gentle, a press of mouths, and the warmth of Caduceus’ lips. It’s a shiver over Fjord’s skin, gooseflesh rising beneath his armor and clothes, and the whisper of the night breeze as it sweeps over the roof of the Xhorhouse.

“Mm,” Caduceus says as they part, and a slow smile takes his lips. “I think I follow you now.”

“I mean, I don’t know if I could be any more obvious,” Fjord says with a laugh. His hands drop to Caduceus’ shoulders, and he tilts forward, his forehead pressed to Caduceus’ clavicle, the scent of tea and dirt floating up to his nose.

“I apologize.”

Fjord blinks and lifts his head. “For what?”

A long finger traces the scar on his face, and a shiver nips up Fjord’s spine. “For making you think you were only a project to me.”

“I’m not?” Fjord asks.

“Maybe at first,” Caduceus admits, and he ducks his head, looks a bit embarrassed and ashamed possibly. It’s hard to tell. Fjord doesn’t think he’s ever seen Caduceus be either. “You deserve better than that.”

“Well. I was a bit of a mess,” Fjord says. “Still kind of am.” He sits back, his hands slip from Caduceus’ shoulders, but they don’t go far, because Caduceus captures them. He tangles their fingers together, their palms pressed tight.

“You saved yourself. You did all the work,” Caduceus says, and he squeezes Fjord’s fingers. He sounds so earnest, Fjord can’t help but believe him. “You’re amazing.”

Fjord wonders if he’s ever going to stop blushing ferociously around Caduceus.

“Um, thanks,” he says, and gnaws on his bottom lip for a second, feeling the harsh pressure of his stubby tusks. “Not that I’m not appreciative of the support, it’s just…” How does he put this into words? How can he explain what he wants when it’s still so new to himself?

“You’d rather I were a little less religious leader and a little more… boyfriend? Partner? Lover? I’m sorry, I don’t know the term you’re looking for,” Caduceus says, in that frank way he has, which Fjord simultaneously adores and hates a little.

Fjord coughs and stares hard over Caduceus’ shoulder, looking for something solid in this suddenly stormy sea where he’s been set adrift. “Any of those would work if you were interested.”

“I could be. Maybe.” Caduceus tilts his head back and looks up at his tree stretching over them, the magical lights twinkling brightly. “I’m gonna be honest with you, Mr. Fjord, I don’t really know what I’m interested in.”

“Could you just call me Fjord? For starters?”

Caduceus breathes out a little laugh. “I can do that. Sure. Fjord.”

Gods.

Fjord swallows over a lump in his throat, and then he has to hide behind his hand, because hearing his name on Caduceus’ lips shouldn’t send a bolt of lightning straight down to his groin, but it does.

“Thanks,” he says, and sucks in a deep breath, trying to calm the frantic flutter of his heart. “Anyway, you don’t have to say yes right now. Or no. If you want to think about it, I mean, I did kind of confess out of nowhere, and it’s really not the time.”

“The way things are going right now, it’ll never be the time.” Caduceus squeezes Fjord’s hand and gets that distant look he gets when he’s thinking about something.

“Now is good,” Caduceus says after a moment. “Now is the time.” He traces a finger around the curve of Fjord’s face, and there’s something so tender in it, Fjord melts a little more. “Let’s give it a try, shall we?”

“Are you sure?” Fjord’s heart pounds a mile a minute, and his skin flushes, and a quiet hope nestles deep in his belly.

Caduceus smiles and leans in, and he kisses Fjord by way of answer. It’s a bit unpracticed, slow and unsure, but he gains confidence quickly enough, and Fjord eagerly kisses back.

Calm washes through Fjord.

Everything else might be chaos, but at least he has this, for whatever it becomes.

****

a/n: Feedback is absolutely welcome and appreciated. Feel free to scream in the tags, in a reblog, in my inbox, whatever. I’d love to hear from the readers! <3

[quarktrinity]

Thank you for your Rich post. I think you added a lot to the fandom. Unfortunately, I think a lot of the Fandom Discourse comes from the source itself. As much as I love BMC, I felt it bit off more than it could chew. Jake's own traumas would take an entire musical itself to truly address; same thing for Rich, Brooke, Christine, etc. Musicals only last for 2 hours or less. [1/4 tictac anon]

“They can only truly address so many things, and it certainly cannot resolve everything it brings up, esp if it's heavy things in a musical such as BMC. Imo, we really shouldn't pretend otherwise. But your Rich post brought up some interesting points. You're right; ultimately, Rich DID decide to light himself on fire inside his friend's house with TONS of classmates inside. And he DID choose to bully Jeremy and likely others. [2/4 tictac anon] However, we see that Jeremy could not see Michael or his messages and was constantly bombarded with distractions. Plus, at the end of the musical, Jeremy's movements were starting to get controlled by the SQUIP! Therefore, it doesn't seem quite black & white. Freewill being compromised due to technology is an uncomfortable subject, but I believe it's something the musical DOES address. [3/4 tictac anon] 

After all, the creators did confirm that the theory of the ending being planned by the SQUIP all along was an intentionally valid theory. Not canon but a possibility. "A shared negative opinion is the fastest social bond. You want someone to like you... hate who they hate." -- when the SQUIP looked like a common bad guy and gave Jeremy more friends in the end. What are your thoughts on that? [4/4 tictac anon]”

----------

this is all very thought out! im impressed, tictac anon!

i understand the feeling that bmc bit off more than it could chew for character complexity, as it would introduce concepts and not have time to follow through on them. however, i think that this is actually a good thing in a way (while it is fair to criticize), because bmc isnt really about those kids, its about jeremy and his navigation through this social world. 

when his peers are introduced, they appear very one dimensional, simple, cartoony almost, but in sync up, jeremys view of them gets turned upside down as the squip reveals to him that theres more to them than meets the eye. throughout the rest of the musical we see, through his perspective, that all of these kids have a lot of baggage, and its never quite dealt with within the story, but thats not why the story revealed the baggage. their baggage isnt dealt with because its not their story, its jeremys. instead, were shown the complexity of these characters solely for the sake of jeremys understanding of them, not for any character arc they might have. this is actually used when jeremy takes advantage of jennas insecurities in “the pitiful children” to get her to take a squip. he tries the same with christine, but fails. the supporting characters are given depth not to develop them, but to show jeremy and the audience that no one is quite as simple as theyd like you to believe.

on the subject of free will, i think it is an interesting topic the musical discusses (i even consider it psychological horror in a way), but i genuinely dont think that rich was always forced against his will to bully kids. he mightve been a few times, but its definitely not a constant. the reason i think this is that from jeremys experiences, the squip mainly gives him advice, and uses brute force to prove a point to him (see: when the squip forces jeremy to say “my dad drinks too” to show that lying is often the best way to make a friend). brute force is used to establish a cause and effect for jeremy, so he can initiate the process on his own in the future. people might wonder why jeremy snapped at michael at the party, but its really quite obvious: jeremys been conditioned by the squip to engage with that behavior. even when its shut off, the lessons the squip taught him remain. i believe the same process occurred with richs bullying. his squip, at first, mightve forced rich to bully someone, only to show rich that it would result in people liking him, so hed do it on his own later. the squips seem to only resort to brute force when being threatened by their hosts, so i doubt hes just a puppet in strings all the time.

and, as a person whos written 4 musicals (humble-brag intended), i can say with confidence that people can come up with interpretations or theories about your work that you definitely didnt intend, but wont reject because, as any playwright knows, all of what you know about the story is whats in the script. there are no secrets here, no hidden lore, everything in the script is what the story is. so when joe tracz was approached with the “the squip intended the ending the whole time” theory, he probably thought “oh shit! thatd be so cool! cant confirm nor deny that, regardless of my intentions, because technically it would work within the script!” in fact, with any particular production, the director might actually know more about the story of their specific production more than the writers, and the actors will definitely know more about their characters than the writers do. thats something i find really beautiful about theatre as a story-telling medium.

so that theory probably wasnt intended, but that doesnt mean its not true! the events behind the script are always up to anyones interpretation, whether thats the writers themselves, the directors, the actors, or even the audience!

thanks for sending me these asks, they were really fun to answer!

[aqours-remade-again]

alright this is gonna be longer than the rest and isnt even really abt heartbeat its about this kind of discourse in general

now im not saying this stuff to insult or belittle anyone; i dont think playing this game makes you inherently a shitty person (although i will be, like many, incredibly suspicious if you at this point) or anything like that, but if nothing else i feel like we've an incredibly low point in discourse about being critical of interests.

being critical about things you like isn’t something new: we've been doing it out entire lives. think back before you were really online and younger. weren’t there moments in games, shows, books, where you were like “eh that part was shitty but i still liked it?” but as we’ve entered the digital age we’ve entered new ways of communicating and expressing thoughts and philosophy, and the subject of being critical of your interests is a product of this new era; this isn’t anything bad at all, but i feel like we’ve really reached a rock bottom with the miku meme. it was fun for two weeks or something but now shit’s getting really old

because at its heart its really just an incredible over reliance on the death of the author (an actual thing in literature theory from an essay older than pretty much all of us and something you can see elements of in works of things like the new critics who didn’t give a shit about the author’s intents or beliefs at all) to be less critical and more like “i just want to ignore every last thing about it to enjoy it”

and if you’re going to be like that, honestly? like legitimately? just go play Call of Duty or something. just play a FPS like that and just admit out loud “yeah i know it isn’t good i just like playing a FPS with multiplayer and shooting things in a game” and ignore that its made by one of the absolute worst publishers in the industry with an glamorization of the US military. this is why i said “hell play CoD for all i care-” just acknowledge you only care about having fun and don’t really care much about lesbophobia or transphobia or anything like that, and, i can’t believe i’m actually typing it, just gave your money to something else more accepted by the masses at this point. go watch south park or family guy for all i care. i don’t care about that. just acknowledge the fact you like these pieces of media that have outright set political discourse in the real world back years; just have the decency to stop saying “Miku made it :))))))” when its very clear to everyone who sees you doing that you don’t actually care about such things relating to being socially conscious or critical of your interests; you’re just looking for a way out to enjoy it without feeling like you’re gonna be jumped for it. so if you’re going to be like that? yeah go play the military FPS game. why? because at least you’re going to be playing a game that’s already been embraced by the masses as a whole even as Activision releases shitty pay 2 win games every year that go after your wallet that, with their story modes not even being a thing (i think? i don’t. keep up with those games to say the least) have devolved from even something pretending to be a moral to a blatant soulless cash grab that doesn’t even care about shoving American patriotism in your face.

because if you need to say “Miku made this :))))” to feel like you can enjoy it, then to me at least, my immediate judgment is that you don’t care about potential harm or themes in the story at all and what you’re REALLY scared about is people judging you for playing it; so yeah, just go play some military FPS game that already has made its cement in culture and solidified its identity as a rated M micotransaction game targeted at 16 year olds that’s exposing them to a terrible culture that is setting back an entire industry -and arguably our culture- with its existence alone, unfortunate as it may be, as opposed to this brand new intellectual property that is currently being embraced by neo-nazis, by transphobes, that has solidified its identity as a game for transmisogynists and neo-nazis. just acknowledge you don’t really care and go play a thing that’s already made its mark in society, instead of letting something new make its mark in society. would i hope you play a game like Undertale, Hollow Knight, or ANYTHING else? A BILLION TIMES YES. but if this is how you’re going to be towards a game like HEARTBEAT, just go enjoy something else that’s already shitty instead of letting this new IP take hold. if you truly, genuinely care about being critical of your interests, play ANYTHING else at this point, even things that are already shitty.

and if you do play it? just be fucking honest about the reality you don’t give a shit about anything related to this discourse of being critical about your interests at all and just want to play your game. just be honest about it instead of hiding behind “miku made it” and covering up the reality behind it; i promise its a lot less embarrassing.

[lizzodorito]

quick vent

because i legit have no where else to put this sort of feeling and just.. writing it in a book or a doc just... isnt as cathartic. Hope this just fades into the void, please dont bother reading it.

Hey. screw proper grammar and spelling I just need to get thihis out.

my name is liz and hoenstly fuck this website because last time i actively used it for something other than mandolorian memes or sims mods/cc my ex boyfriend was fucking stalking me on it and catfishing me and comfort me by sending me those ask lists and i... i dunno if im over that. Fuck you Sven.

not the point, just wha t I have to think about every single damned time I find myself here no matter what.

I am so lonely. I dont have many friends at all and the ones I do are out to use me or not Get Into It with me, thouhg fair because im a shit load of a lot to deal with i guess. other friends i have are pretty backstabbing and they refuse to properly grow up and LIVE and THINK FOR OTHERS AND ALSO THINK FOR THEMSELVES WITHOUT IT HAVING TO BE DEFINED BY HOW PROUDLY TERRIBLE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH IS FUCK

And then i get shit for it

love being used guys hell yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah  no i dont i hate it so much literally when was the last time anyone loved me right outside of my family and even so its not like my parents treat me well. mother you may have improved drastically,  but similar to my self esteem, its still very much BELOW PAR and i hate having to witness both.

I am so lonely.

I go so long without saying any word sometimes, its a wonder i stil breath, although sometimes when i was young id forget to.

why is it that i get more depressed when i come back to the family home

does anyone else understand being family oriented to a family that really for the majority doesn’t treat you the same?

The voice in my head wont stop. it wont stop telling me all  the ways i have potentially fucked my budding friendships with my new friends isha and matt 

how am i a person who shares so little yet so much

BUT MY LORD THANK YOU these are people who... who are considerate and are processing what i am saying and are thinking of me

but how fucked up am i

and will that push them away

im often distasteful but all the same complex and layered and so useful and so interesting

and that’s why often enough it seems people dont put in the effort, or frankly, dont give a shit about me once i requrie effort, though their “care” for me beofre then was only for their own benefit.

im exhausted 

One of my best internet friends was raped and i was the one who revealed that to her and she just didnt realize it yet and i havent been able to fall asleep without thinking about it

i have needed to cry for over a week now and i haVent gotten to still i am so sad i am SO SAD

I am so charming yet cannot help being alone no matter how enjoyable i am for others to have around

Matt

He makes me question if im asexual

But I am only a human

porbably deifntieyl still asexual

but too much all the same 

Im just lonely and touch starved probably (more than usual to be clear) and want to be hugged and loved and he’s so smart and we talk for hoours and comfortably, for me, occupy eachothers’ space we talk for 

hours.

this is becoming poetry.

I feel like i am beginning to sound like a hobo johnson broken record

stop being poetic fuck off liz

he;s so 

I havent been hopeful like this in people for a long time

we went to a museum to support isha (she had to do a project that invovled socializing so ya know the inrovert crew (though i dont know fi matt considers himself one)) and we just were togeter (in rather close proximinity) just speaking in accents, partly hoping to excite the strangers crowding everywhere about “foriegners” being here at the exhibit... but i think it was mostly just for us. for our fun 

because voices is what we like to do

i love voice acitng 

he committed to it, i fell out of it more times than he did and he gets more specific with accents than i do

he likes what i do

he loves the characters and my many talents

he loves my writing

he wants me to join his dnd campaign over the summer with his friends

is it for me?

does he want... me

or just my character maggie that everyone loves

he wants me to join the campign he’s in npw with his friends, as he’s a player character and not a dm as he would be over the summer

he doesn’t quite get how lonely i am

i worry i made him and isha uncomfortable last night... i joked about actually being loved properly

he immediately looked at me strange, me not realizing the joke was taken as truth

“Liz, is there something you need to talk about?”

“Oh! Oh, well, um...” hi i come from an abusive family and you both dont realize how much it meant to me that you wanted me to come and are consitently telling me and thanking me for coming because... you’re telling me im good company and its been so long since i have had real friends or gone out with friends and ACTUALLY FULLY AND COMPLTELY HAD A GOOD TIME OH MY GOSH YOU DONT EVEN KNOW I AM SO SHY ABOUT ALL OF THIS BECAUSE HOLY FUCK I CANT EVEN ASK HOW I BECAME SUCH A BASKET CASE BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW I ALRWADY KNOW I ALREADY KOW I ALRADY KNOW AND I HAVENT’ GOTTEN TO REALLY TELL ANYONE IN SO LONG WITHOUT THEM LEAVING ME 

its been so long since ive been understood by a peer

(hi my name is liz and i am weepign right now)

“No, not yet at least.”

*isha laughs and it joined by matt soon. I’m smiling comfortably. I genuinely have a soft, contented hope i might get to tell them at least some of it one day.*

“not yet at least! sorry matt you have to be at least a level 4 friend to learn the tragic backstory”

thank you isha for lightening the mood

thank you for making the joke so many people who gave less than a fuck about me got offeneded at and confused when i made it so often years ago.

my comment was laughed off, we continued to watch the critical role espidoe i had missed

soon it was just matt and i. isha was to bed.

just him and i, and i, like id been all night (concious but making the decision to pipe down and trust the people around me), was all curled up, very relaxed and off my posture, sinking into the couch. MAtt was always upright ish. sometimes hed sink a bit or rest his hips on their side curl a little rest his head, but not as intesely as i did

sometimes he’d scoot closer to me, sometimes hed scoot away. sometimes hed move his legs so our knees would touch. i dont mind (not because i was finding it romantic, im not twelve, i just am understadning of the small situation we are in and its a knee for crying out loud) i wonder if i was taking up too much space with the way i’d sit comfortaly. I wonder if he thought so.

i would be lying if i said i didnt imagine us actually having contact with eachother. cuddling platonically.. on multiple occassions.

I have an imagination that thinks of everything and so many scenarios all at once and all the time after all

i was comfortable with the idea but

it would be a bigger lie to say i wasnt absolutely and perfectly content wiht the way it did go.

i dont thiink i will ever know if he was comofrtable on that couch or more so if it was me he was comfortable or uncomfrtoable with. 

I will respect him to tell me.

he;s good at eyecontact and its comfrotable enoguh where i dont have to look away (it’s been a problem i never used to  have recently)

I’d peek up at him when he’d talk to me

i felt young again

when the stream was over he got up to leave.

i dont know if we daudled. dawdled? yep thats the word

i dont know if we did

we made small talk

shitty jokes that he declared wouldn’t be the last thing we said to eachother that evening

i agreed.

the last words that night were goodnights.

me with my raspy evening voice from a day full of talking and him with a look over the shoulder from the hall as the door closed behind him

he was obviosuly very slap happy sleepy as he was talking about the light not being too bright in the hall (to his happiness)

it was a nice night

when was the last time i went to bed so happy? thanking God over and over and praying for my friend i mention way earlier

i didnt even have to drown my insomnia with a youtube video

i just went to sleep

2 am

i hope the weather continues

- jaques cruzio, pink panther

now im just in bed

at the family home

not my dorm

fighting my depression (its been three hours, i was getting exhausted by 9:30 due to it) as i rest

i was curled in a ball, slumped and face planted, arms slumped when i decided i need to talk to someone, or say something mroe than what i vented to my little sister (small bits about how lonely i feel and how i worry ive fucked things up) hours ago

and here we are 

12:14 am

just some broken twenty something asexual with a mind that’s usually over sixty talking about the amazing people i met two weeks ago while in the background i think about the girl i used to be the boss of (online moderator work) and how she’s essentially in love with her idea of me and how i make her feel... and not just for me.

i am mysterious and cool and smart and hot and talented and useful to her.

I want to be complex and dedicated and helpful and pretty and so skilled and hardworking and wanted for me.

i want to  be considered and deserving and im hoping that isha, matt and my other two roommates can help start to fill that hole in my life

because, God, so far they have so much potential for it in my eyes

(so far)

thanks for listening, void.

actually feeling quite a bit better. the misery is still lingering, i wonder if i should cry more. But, i can breathe easier and my eyes dont feel dead. I just am tired and am prepared to enjoy things again.

proabbly will watch claire from BA make jelly beans.

or the Noel Miller guy isha told me about.

I dont know if it’s appropriate if i downloaded matt’s contact into my phone from when isha put us both in a groupchat together and i hope its not weird and i hope maybe he did the same, but by God i dont think i’ll be texting him first.

i like in person better.

with anyone.

always have

i have so much more on my mind

[wonderlilane]

i think the kikuo thing is that (a) he sort of stopped the sexual side of it in recent years (b) with stuff like gomenne gomenne you can make a case for it being just...a representation of csa, that isn't for the pleasure of pedophiles, but when it's an image? bit more yikes. it's kinda like maretu's case: he'd been writing Yikes songs for ages but we thought that was just his art. then the callout post arrived (i totally see your point too though: it probably should have been questioned more)

(warning for csa/abuse discussions in this post)

ok im not like. really 100% defending kikuo here since i dont have full context, i dont know his intentions behind it, etc. but the reason i made that post was because to me, the outrage over kikuo rn seems honestly A Little performative and.... several years too late i guess?

i’ve seen everything on his pixiv. i’ve known about it for years (note: these comics are 4+ years old) and i havent stopped following him because, well...... to me, the comics on his pixiv ARE a “representation of csa that isnt for the pleasure of pedos”. i’ve (unfortunately) read some actually pedophilic comics before, and the way those comics portray csa vs. how kikuo does it is...... so incredibly different that i really struggle to paint kikuo as just some creep. im not sure if you’ve seen his pixiv anon but if you have, i hope you can see what i mean (if you can stomach looking at it)

im really struggling to articulate my feelings on this well but like..... i guess i’ve always seen kikuo as an artist that (without making too many assumptions) Likely is some form of abuse victim himself, who is literally famous for making explicit csa/abuse content, not for any fetish-y reasons but as vent or horror art. and then someone digs up his old pixiv comics which are the EXACT same as his songs and suddenly, everyone is disgusted by him

i’m genuinely just concerned for people because if you consume this kind of content, you need to be critical of it. if you object to csa depictions in art you cant just excuse it when it’s tied to a catchy beat you like. if you hate kikuo because he draws kids in horrifying situations, then for your sake, and i mean this in the nicest way possible, please never listen to half of his discography again, because his lyrics are much worse. if these comics are to be condemned, why did we as a community consider it acceptable to bop to his songs about violating little kids for all these years? does art, including music, that depicts csa have any value at all, or is it completely wrong no matter what? if anything comes from this i at least hope it gives people a wake up call to examine the media they consume more critically and to try to give an answer to some of these questions

note that im also finding it difficult to discuss this since afaik no one’s translated these comics. i definitely don’t want to push anyone in particular to translate them since they ARE very very challenging works to view and deeply upsetting on many levels, but i wonder if the language barrier isn’t making it easier to assume things about them since we as english-speakers have to just... imagine what kikuo is saying about csa in them, which could very well not be what he intended