#gentle little push
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lilo in the bts of a 2013 photoshoot
(via anan [link is broken but archived])
#lilo#gentle little push#not sure what the fingers in his armpits is about#liam you're man handling louis a bit there#some side niam#and ziam#a little bit of something for everyone#was very tempted to add the cute lirry moments too#photoshoot#compilation#liam payne#louis tomlinson#harry#zayn#niall#one direction#2013
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this picture isnt real its all happening in twilights head and she's listening ta this as she's having her bi horse fantasies
un blurred below the cut as well as the lineart with flats cuz i want ta show it off sue me
edit: ignore that the images changed slightly i noticed a shading error i missed and it was bothering me 💀
#mlp#twishy#fluttertwi#mlp fim#my little pony#my little pony friendship is magic#fluttershy#twilight sparkle#spacie scribbles#twilight narration voice: ''i have to go...'' id say ''its getting late and i need to put spike to bed''#fluttershy would yawn. a gentle cute noise befitting for such a cute pony before she would turn her head sleepily towards me#she would look at me with her big beautiful eyes and study me for a moment before saying in her sweet soft voice#''are you sure you dont want to stay the night? i would hate for something to happen for you on your walk back home...''#oh fluttershy...always looking out for her friends. such a caring and gentle soul. my heart would swell at the thought although#id hesitate....and in response fluttershy would get closer and gently push her muzzle against mine...#''please twilight...stay the night...''#my heart would be galloping out of my chest as the moon would gently glow through the window#the pale light highlighing all of fluttershy's delicate features#its as if luna herself planted the moon in this specific way...on this specific night... just for us....#spike‚ interrupting the daydream: twilight are you...narrating a self insert you wrote abt you and one of your best friends???#twilight: ....NO. BUT. DONT TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS OKAY#spike: oookay! you got it. i wont tell a soul.#*he then tells everyone except fluttershy*#im crazy guys i swear#i just wrote fanfic abt twilight sparkle writing fanfic#she has a fanfic section of the library its all just her x fluttershy#good lord these horses.
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Everyone wants to be in every scene today!
#shoot from the hip#i'm enjoying the guys not taking nonsense from the audience too#i don't know if some people have hit the booze early or they're just giddy but sometimes they need a little gentle push back#i don't know how i feel about that book title...
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Ter stop talking over and making decisions for Dee challenge 2k24. Y'all ain't even friends at this point you're just the annoying coworker go away
#wandee goodday#wandee goodday the series#wandee goodday series#listen listen listen#i am glad that ter is starting to realize things about himself#i'm glad he's starting to embrace his feelings#howmstever he needs to do that in a way where he is able to give up some control#he cannot control dee's actions or responses#he needs to communicate with dee not make decisions for him#ter and dee do not mesh because dee is super competitive about silly little things#and he doesn't like being told what to do. he likes gentle nudging and he also likes his boundaries#yak still hasn't kissed him despite both of them knowing how bad yak wants to#ter extended their japan trip without talking to dee and then tried to kiss him not even knowing how dee feels about being kissed#dee hasn't had a chance to explain#and even before he had a chance to explain with yak#yak wasn't kissing him. yak was operating strictly off of body language and managed to not kiss dee#then he asked about it in a non-judgemental way and dee felt comfortable enough to tell him#and yak said got it boss. you know i want to kiss you but this is a boundary that we will not cross#until we are ready and willing to cross it together#yes yak has pushed a bit because he wants it but he always goes slow enough and gives dee enough space to back out before they kiss#which dee does#and he will back out until he doesn't#but that's the difference between ter and yak#dee was closed in and didn't have a lot of options to avoid the kiss if it hadn't been interrupted#i don't doubt dee would have managed to avoid it but ter blocked off a lot of opportunities to leave#yak leaves space for dee to leave if he wants to#ter is controlling and yak is freeing#and that is why dee was able to fall for yak after 8 years of pining for ter#he is free from the feelings that were controlling him#and now he can move on and be happy with someone who truly understands him
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some detailing updates and exciting news! got accepted into the think tank training center portfolio course this october 😈😈😈 ready to grind out a GREAT portfolio project with the guidance of the school
#3d art#honestly SOOOOO EXCITED#jobs market is still looking incredibly rough so i think i need to level up to get better chances at the few job listings that r out there#also i love learning and i feel like during my time at taw nobody ever pushed me to sctually do better than what i did#its a very gentle learning environment which is fine! but i personally need to be whipped a little bit....
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#I don’t even know how to feel right now#my kiddo moved up into the older kids room#then yesterday I get a message from daycare saying another kid scratched my baby’s face#and I’m like okay a scratch is just a scratch it happens#when I got home and saw him I was like what the fuck this wasn’t just a little scratch it is dark and red and angry#and then I go to give him a bath and I see he has a bitemark shaped bruise on his shoulder#and I’m like what the fuck why wouldn’t you tell me this too#and I go in today to talk to the director and she wasn’t there#they give me the incident report that says basically this kid#wanted to take my sons pacifier and he wouldn’t let him and he scratched his face and pushed him down and bit him#like what the actual fuck#why wouldn’t you tell me the whole thing#I had to find out on my own by seeing a mark on my babies skin#I’m so upset#he’s still such a gentle baby like he doesn’t hit or bite out of anger yet#so it just breaks my heart to know this other kid did this to him#and that the daycare ladies weren’t there to monitor and see it happen
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🕯️ please no sleep paralysis tonight 🕯️
#bitches be deteriorating!!! it’s me i’m bitches#when my friends left just now i had this harrowing haunting feeling of the paranoid fear of Not Being Alone#i’m probably really just tired from today and from not sleeping last night and spending the day in absolute panic mode so#it’s all chill we chill we don’t take our beta blockers tonight so our body can feel its pulse lmao#anyway i love how strong i am just pushing through but also telling my friends about the current state to give them the chance of being#gentle with me and also take care of me. and they dooo.#anyway i’m gonna pass out soon and will probably have to activate the ‘taking care of myself as though i were a little child’ mode and#honestly?? that’s very okay and fine and valid. i know the drill i know i will live and make it out of this alive
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This is why I hate discussing Duke. If you say that Duke already has a family, that he is not Bruce's kid (because he isn't and that's OK!! Adults can be important to kids as mentors, teachers, friends, and not be their parents! Steph is not his kid, Barb is not his kid, and people can independently have familial type relationships without actually being family) without someone accusing you of hating POC characters. It's frustrating. I like Duke a lot. I hate talking about him.
Thats not what i was doing? I was agreeing with you. Duke is important to the batfamily but he isn’t Bruce’s kid, and that nuance is often lost because people in fandom like black and white no-nuanced relationships to play with. I wanted to make a joke about the often-left-out-of-conversations Duke being Thomas’ favorite because of a coincidence of his name, and because i rarely see Bruce and Dukes relationship discussed at all.
In the same answer i mentioned why i like acknowledging their relationship as explicitly familial, (mentorship being part of that), not because you were doing that thing but because I have often seen other people wave away Dukes relationships specifically in a way I have not seen with the other batboys. I see it with Steph and Babs and even Cass.
I also just think Duke and Thomas would get along and I like the idea of him being the favorite.
#i get that its frustrating but im trying very hard to explain this in a neutral tone#because i dont think you are doing thy#in fact i dont think most people are doing it on purpose#i think its just one of those things that get passed around in fandom and end up getting entrenched#so a little gentle push back and a reminder of Dukes MULTIPLE family ties is good#also#‘thomas wouldnt have a relationship with Duke because duke already has parents’ is a like. nothingburger.#thomas is dead. duke has parents. bruce and duke work together and respect each other. all of these things are true.#funny post is still funny.
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it's possible to look out for your friends without saying this kind of disrespectful shit btw. especially the last part hello?? do not speak to trans women ever
#also just pushing people and saying they haaaaave to go through a potentially traumatising procedure or they'll immediately die is ignorant#it'd be more productive to have a gentle conversation and asking them their actual reasons why they don't want to#before talking to them like they're toddlers and like it's just a little checkup at the doctor :)#because it's not. maybe it feels that way for you but it's not#i've had panic attacks and nightmares about having to see an obgyn since i was like 11#you yelling at me is just gonna make me hate you#transmission📻
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In the vein of embracing the darkness and kinda owning it, I imagine Redeemed Durge x Spawn Astarion would have viciousness punctuated by tender loving care. Like, turning a Bounty job into a fun little hunt, giving into predator instinct and enjoying the thrill and adrenaline. Durge holding someone still while Astarion gets his fill, then gleefully ending it. They both just appreciate one another's prowess.
Then they're heading back to wherever they're staying, lingering touches and stolen kisses exchanged along the way, then they topple into bed before the sun can even peek over the horizon. Their limbs are locked, bodies pressed, secure and proud of the way they wield their combined strength. Just cuddles while basking in one another.
#bat muses#dont get me wrong they fuck nasty and are switches who power struggle#but the softness when love and genuine affection are reasserted#and the ability to even just be entirely tender and gentle if they choose#i think they would both be eager to harness the full spectrum for intimacy just so they can experience as much life as they can together#astarion#durge#durge who is down to get a little dirty so their little prince (astarion) never has to dirty a finger or break a nail#like astarion as both this really strong monster hunter but also still pretty pathetic#but he is a lot of cuddles and gentleness they just#also embrace their darkness when it bubbles to the surface#also thinking abt how his meanness would translate over with a Durge who quips and pushes back#mercy
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Having a lot of feelings this week 😭 pissed off and a bit concerned that I keep spotting between my periods. Sad that a few people I was close with at the store and wanted to keep in touch with are now not answering my messages. Even my wagon driver 😥 we were super close when I was in the process of leaving and he was really supportive when my manager was being a total arsehole. Haven't heard from him since before Christmas and I already texted twice before so I'm not triple texting. If he wanted to reply and tell me to also have a nice Christmas he would have. Anyway, struggling more than I'd like to admit with the fact that all those people are essentially gone from my life now, which is only natural and normal, but idk I always find it hard losing touch with people. Kind of pissed off with Matt bc I know he is super busy studying but also we are engaged. We're getting married this year. And I ask how his day was and don't get a response bc he's so engrossed in his work. I know it's selfish of me and I should be supportive and I'm trying, but I need some fucking enthusiasm or communication or just like any kind of attention from my husband to be. I've already accepted I'm planning the wedding by myself, doing all the cleaning, cooking and shopping myself so he can study and walk Maggie. Which is a fair division of work really bc her walks are long and muddy. But idk it makes me so sad that we struggle to get an hour together through the week. I need to remember we have Saturday off from all the usual shit bc we're going to the theatre with my mam and sister to see the rocky horror show and that will be a good chance to actually see each other. It's really not as bad as I'm making it out to be, like I say I'm just having big feelings this week. I'm also struggling to get my workouts done bc I feel so physically gross but I know a little bit of something would help. I'm suspicious that I'm coming down with a cold but I also don't want to be using that as an excuse to not do 30 mins of exercise in the evening. Idk I'm just rambling and my casserole is probably burning by now 😂 off I go to scrape the pot 🫣
#personal#big feelings#trying to be gentle with myself#but not too gentle bc sometimes the little push that gets me to do one thing makes me feel 100x better than if i didnt do it#idk
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reeeeeeally wish. it didnt feel. like the needs of my body vs the needs of my brain were actively in fucking conflict with each other in a way that makes it impossible to function or exist
#toy txt post#chronic pain#just. really frustrated. cant see a way out or through or over or whatever here yall#augh#and dad wants me to. do what i was doing before that made everything worse somehow as a method to get my foot in the door and fucking#network???? to do?????? unclear. until i get what. middle management?#how the fuck would that help anything#meanwhile i am trying to muster the executive function to complete. the catpans#ouaghghahghhgghg#it is so hard to be gentle with myself about this bc it doesnt feel like i deserve gentleness for it! like i have worked so hard to try to#unlearn the ableism and shit but that doesnt really fucking help much if both my parents just keep that shit so deeply baked into their#worldview that they interpret me trying to treat myself a little gentler as being a lazy freeloader or whatever#like im really trying not to be too harsh on myself about this but for what? at least if im mean to me about it i have ground to stand on#in calling their meanness unjust and unnecessary cos dont worry!!!!!!!!! i can reproduce the entire fucking ableism cycle inside my own#head and self flagellate for not being able ti push through it like you guys did so you dont have to! in fact i am so good at it that it#makes it an impossible topic to address! bc i just speedrun everything into thinking of myself as worthless so you dont have to! see im not#a total laze/s#god. i hate this so much so fucking much. aaaaagh. there are a number of things i CAN do and unfortunately none of them seem to be#the necessary administrative faff of it all#oausbdjsfusbfhshhrrrgrhrhgggg#trying to organize notes of talking points to unpack this a little in therapy this week but its only the second appt. so like. she wanted#to go through a bit of a questionnaire? idkkkk
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Currently obsessed with chansung friendship
#i wasn't here in. the early days and i just felt the urge to look at old stuff that i casually watched at times but never committed to#and a part of me is a bit sad bc chan took his responsibility 100% they are always working and u can see that the relationships#became more like married couples than friends except for bin and felix bc dude is a workaholic#but the other is like wow how could i miss chansung and the way these 2 are sweet and protective and supporting af with eachothers?#bc it's subtle now but back in the day? bin is always be chan's equal to me while jisung was the one melting the ice#he wasn't afraid to hug and cuddle scary boss chris to be gentle w him when he was closed off#there's a mutual protection han is not just chan's baby he pushed him in the spotlight when he stood behind he was there when he was alone#there's a genuine tenderness that u can't see w any other of the guys. jisung warmed chan's heart and brought him back to life#and it's his specialty bc he is the softest sweetest thing he was able to befriend his enemy hyune and to take out lino caring nature#what an interesting person that little man is
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so where exactly do we draw the line between "yes yes this is a good and emotionally intelligent way of handling sensitive things that's befitting of a high-charisma character who is insightful and wise" and "that's way too modern and cohesive of an understanding of mental health for someone living in fantasy-times who's not had a healthy coping mechanism in her life"
preferably without dipping into "and now she's beginning to sound like she's talking to a scared horse, and not only is that not great, he'd also uh. fucking hate that"
(so the Astarion romance is fun)
#squirrel plays bg3#he's going through it#he's got issues#but he's also a gremlin#and a babygirl#and an acerbic fuck#and.... well yeah kind of a scared horse#and he needs a gentle touch#but he hates being coddled and treated as fragile#he craves safety but also wants to be the one doing the protecting#and he needs to establish boundaries but he's also prone to pushing his own boundaries#but he's also a bit of a shit regardless#and we've not yet even scratched the surface of her OWN trauma#I'm glad I made her so deeply patient and enduring even by accident#because honestly?#his healing process is uh#going to be lengthy and difficult#and it's going to need someone who is both exceedingly patient#and astute enough to not take his inevitable frustration personally#iona probably needs to do her own healing a little bit on the sly#but that's okay; her whole Thing is different#and being genuinely wanted and needed by him is actually helping her more than he might realize
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About a month ago something happened with my swim instructor that apparently involved a very close call with a child in the pool, and she was never right after that. Nervous and jumpy and kept obsessively looking around at all the other swimmers. Two lessons ago, right after mine ended, she had a massive panic attack and had to be pulled out of the pool by the lifeguard. Last week she didn’t show up and I just had to go back home.
Now yesterday someone else from the org sent me an email saying my instructor is on indefinite leave and that tomorrow I’ll be starting with another new instructor (my third one in 6 1/2 months) . I’m really sad because I liked my second instructor a lot, and I’m worried for her. I think she was really traumatized. And nobody there really seemed to be taking it seriously (they were still loading her up with classes and kids). Typical American workplace to be honest
#swimming tag#I don’t know how to feel tbh. a lot of the girls I’ve interacted with there are really mean and callous#(the men aren’t any better but the email said it’s one of the women who’ll be taking over my lessons)#I actually did REALLY well at what was apparently our final lesson#I swam the length of the pool multiple times without ANY flotation device or holding on to anyone or anything#that wouldn’t have happened if my current instructor hadn’t been so patient and gentle with me#at first I thought we weren’t gonna work well together bc she was kind of skittish and Fluttershy-like lol-#-and kept being like ‘omg no don’t cry we can stop we can stop’ any time after she’d try to push me a little#but I eventually told her to just keep pushing me mo matter how much I cried lol#and it worked!#so…yeah#gonna be hard to start over…AGAIN :/
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oh yeah uh i forgot to talk about my day. i havent rly been existing as a person whoops. uh
work kinda sucked but not NEARLY as bad as yesterday. honestly yesterday was probably the worst shift ive had in uh. well at least a year im betting. it was really so very bad.
today was better except Whoops my bike broke a little bit. forgot to mention that too. i left it at work overnight in the storage room n im gonna bring it to the bike shop tomorrow. so im gonna be without my bike for a few days </3
uhm. otherwise ive been procrastinating, still not doing my dishes, reading trigun fanfic and rewatching trigun stampede and reading trigun maximum. and also browsing etsy for trigun merch, of which i bought a few things.
now im thinking about skipping class again bc it's accidentally oh so late and i am very tired. i can rationalize it to myself that it's Totally for the sake of finishing my lab tomorrow. but really ive just lost control of this semester and i barely wanna do shit anymore. lol.
#speculation nation#also listened thru the 2nd trigun stampede OST album two whole times#went walking home bc i got no bike rn and i was just meandering down the scenic path#(it's thankfully not flooded anymore. a lil muddy at spots but i managed to avoid it)#saw some deer tracks. crouched by the river for a little bit. all while sipping at a hibiscus tea i brought from work#went home. read embarrassing fanfiction. swore i was gonna do the dishes and then just watched trigun stampede#went looking on etsy. went reading the manga. i swear it's overtaking my entire life.#im trying to be gentle with myself tho. saturday's shift did Not help me with the mental breakdown ive been fending off for weeks#oh yeah and easter. fucking easter. i was neutral/negative leaning but the shop i wanted to go to was closed today#which pushed it solidly in the negative direction. like for fuck's sake this is a fucking witchy shop and they're closed for EASTER?????#i wanted to go buy a tarot deck wtf. and the Spiritual Shop is closed for a Christian Holiday??? okay lmfao#meanwhile we kept having ppl call to ask if we were open today n it was just like 'man this is a bubble tea shop what do you think'#O Lord Bless This Bubble Tea for it was Made In Your Image.............#or some shit like that idfk. like yes we did have a few ppl call off for easter but majority of us are gay and/or Definitely not christian#the handful of us there kept laughing about how little we care about easter. one girl saying she completely forgot about it#and like. man. yea. easter's one of the most pointless ass holidays outside of christianity#at least there's fun in christmas for non christians in the gift giving. easter is just like. there are eggs now???#and this is to celebrate The Lord?????? ok lol#anyways yea my days r happening. i keep skipping class. probably will again. Whoops sorry professor man but im just tryin to survive now
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