#general vampire fuckery

[dreadfuldevotee]

yk...Armand would be a really interesting pants role

[measureyourlifeincake]

anyway speaking of the new teaser i am admittedly a bit of a lestat hater but after watching that i think this new season might make me enjoy his character a lot more

[albatris]

should i give nat finch $50

[pearlofthewoods]

Just came across someone recommending this article on Bluesky, and for the people who love the idea of gender-fluid/ butch lesbian/ general ‘gender-fuckery’ all round Spike, this was an absolutely gorgeous read.

Seriously, I cannot recommend it enough. Enjoy my loves! <3

[wannaeatramyeon]

Masterlist of Gun Park + Goo Kim ✨Bullshit✨

Guess who hit the link limit again

Lookism Masterlist | Part 2 ☞ (multi-character headcanons/dynamics) more Gun + Goo here

Lookism Storylines ☞ (fun shit. mix of x reader and with reader)

You're here! Gun + Goo | Part 2 | Jake + Samuel | Vin + Ryuhei | Everyone Else ☞ (single character-centric standalones)

... Even More Lookism Masterlist ☞ (different characters in same scenarios series) more Gun + Goo here

How To Fight/Viral Hit Masterlist | Seong Taehoon

Character-Centric Standalones

Gun Park x Reader: Fairground/Haunted House Shenanigans

Gun Park x Reader: Fighting Dirty

Gun Park x Reader: Retirement

Gun Park x Reader: Soft

Gun Park x Reader: Holding his attention

Gun Park x Reader: Enough

Gun Park x Reader: Waiting

Gun Park x Reader: Red flag miscommunications

Gun Park x Reader: Eat your vegetables (feat Goo)

Gun Park x Reader: I do | After I do

Gun Park x Reader: Fried chicken

Gun Park x Reader: Just moved in

Gun Park x Reader: Marked

Gun Park x Reader: Funny

Gun Park x Reader: Masterpiece

Gun Park x Reader: Holding Hands

Gun Park finding a new successor - YOU

Gun Park x Kind!Reader: Opposites

Gun Park and his Emo Band

Gun Park x Reader: The Learning Genius | Good

Gun Park with Reader: The 'Learning' Genius. Except-

Gun Park x Reader: Early morning

Gun Park with Reader: Your biggest fan

Gun Park x Reader: Fifth Affiliates

Gun Park x Reader: Three kisses

Gun Park with Reader: Junkyard shenanigans

Gun Park x Reader: Crystal Choi

Gun Park with You, his successor

Gun Park x Idol!Reader: Questions

Gun Park x Sensitive!Reader: Making up

Gun Park x Reader: Physical Touch

Gun Park x Reader: For You

High School!Gun x Shy!Reader: Blush

Vampire Hunter!Gun Park x Vampire!Reader

Gun Park x Reader: Daydream

Gun Park x Reader: Sesame Seed

Gun Park x Reader: Arranged Marriage

Gun Park x Reader: Name

Gun Park x Reader: Home

Goo Kim x Reader: Mario kart

Goo Kim x Reader: Cosplay

Goo Kim x Reader: Fake Dating

Goo Kim x Reader: Reverse Isekai

Goo Kim x Reader: Money

Goo Kim x Reader: Cookies (feat Gun)

Goo Kim: Gen + romantic headcanons

Goo Kim x Reader: Checkmate

Goo Kim x Reader: Tired

Goo Kim x Reader: Silly questions at bedtime

Goo Kim x Reader: Kneecaps (feat Gun a lil)

Goo Kim x Reader: Brownies for your boyfriend

Goo Kim x Reader: Pinky promises

Goo Kim x Reader: Ring shopping (feat Gun)

Goo Kim x Reader: Partner 'privileges'

Goo Kim x Reader: Outfits

Goo Kim: Office Routines

Goo Kim x Reader: what's it worth?

Goo Kim x Reader: Comfortable silences

Goo Kim x Reader: Mystery guy

Goo Kim x Reader: Coffee Shop AU

Goo Kim with Reader: Summer afternoon

Goo Kim x Reader: Generous (feat. Gun Park)

Goo Kim x Reader: Dating (feat Gun)

Goo Kim with Reader: Injuries

Goo Kim x Reader: Hair

Goo Kim x Reader: Suspicious

Goo Kim x Reader: Making Space

Goo Kim x Reader: Cat

Goo Kim x Reader: Cycling through the love languages

Gun + Goo as YOUR older brothers hc

Gun Park + Goo Kim: Ice cream

How did Gun get his scar?

Gun + Goo: Time travel fuckery

Even more Gun + Goo shenanigans

Gun + Goo: Duo headcanons

Gun Park + Goo Kim: Theme song

Gun Park + Goo Kim: Sammy

Gun Park x Goo Kim: Equals

Gun Park x Goo Kim: Bruises

Gun Park x Goo Kim: Steal

Gun Park x Goo Kim: Nabe

Gun Park x Goo Kim: Whittling

Gun + Goo with Reader: Nobody talks like that | Gun Park x Reader: Somebody asked

Gun Park x Reader x Goo Kim: Soulless

Gun Park x Reader x Goo Kim relationship hc

Gun + Goo with Reader: Manga Raws

[adareallylikestotalk]

say what you will about TUA S4 (trashfire, character massacre, inconsistent, nonsensical plot, just general what-the-fuckery, trust me i'm right there with you), but damn, that final scene with the siblings? i haven't cried that much over a tv show since spike sacrificed himself at the end of buffy the vampire slayer.

[see-arcane]

Yes Hirano's super weird with the "vampirism happens only with virgins" rule when it's decidedly not a thing in Dracula's vampirism lore. (Though not as weird as what he did to Mina, who deserves to crawl back to life and murder everyone in the whole manga for it)

True on both points.

Unfortunately, you've activated a mental trap card and now I'm about to explode into a barely-related tangent. Please stand by for hazy Hellsing spoilers to anyone who wants to look away.

The saddest thing about Hellsing is that it's one of the least headache-inducing Dracula-adjacent pieces of media I can think of.

Even with how Hirano draws Seras Victoria and That Scene with Rip Van Winkle. Even with his ~creative~ take on Vlad the Impaler. Even with what he retroactively does to Mina's remains. Even with Abraham van Helsing once again getting shoved through the No Really Honest for Real He was a Super Cool Occult Magic Man who was Definitely Solely Responsible for Taking Dracula Down!!1! filter (with Jonathan and Mina getting a whole single panel together, ooh, aah). Even with the nitpick of turning Helsing into Hellsing just because of the Edgy+ factor.

Even with all of that, I can still genuinely say I enjoy it.

First, because Alucard and company are there to kill Nazis and generally monstrous people who signed up to get superpowers to be even bigger monsters. I love seeing them get supernaturally woodchipper'd. Never disappoints.

Second, because Alucard/Dracula is--and this is vital--still a bastard. One who, via the lens of how the Hel(l)sing family did their murky magical experiments on him, got juiced up into the Mega Shounen Horror Ultrabadass version of himself...and promptly got put on a magic leash so that he could only bare his teeth at the command of his human Hel(l)sing master. And for decades, pre-Integra, he was left to wither and rot in a windowless cell. Waiting to be dusted off.

It's a unique psychological place to force the asshole into. It doesn't make him a good guy, but I'd say it makes him a better character. One who pushes the limits of how much of a monster he can be without breaking the tethers on him and his power. Even when the inevitable Count Fuckula ooh~ sexy sexypire~ glaze gets applied with his interactions with Integra, it's still shown how fucking aggravating and uninvited he is with it. How much he uses it as just another nettle. Just as he once used an admittedly classier/classic gothic predatory menace on Jonathan, Lucy, and Mina in the novel.

When the big climax comes and he gets to flex all of his bloated powers, he's reached an internal growth point where he, at the very least, takes a moment to acknowledge Integra and Seras as worthy of respect rather than just irritating or deriding them respectively.

As an aside, despite her obvious Fanservice Girl position, I do have to grudgingly give Hirano points for how he portrays Seras Victoria's position with Alucard. This is the first (and I think only!) time I've ever seen a Dracula turn some voluptuous babe and then...not make advances on her. Before or after. He turned her to save her life after shooting through her to kill the vampire at her back. If anything, this is the first time we see any form of Dracula take a non-sexual, strangely paternal approach to the assumed vampire bride of a story.

And then there's the matter of Alexander Anderson. He and the Iscariot organization are absolutely bristling with what-the-fuckery and religion-aesthetic weirdness I don't have the skill to untangle. But the set up between Anderson and Alucard at the climax by itself is an interesting thing for how it shows a kind of logical (by manga standards) extreme of Dracula looking peaceful in the novel's climax; how he died and turned to dust with serenity. He welcomed it.

Alucard/Dracula, for all his glee at being a sadistic overpowered monster, welcomes Anderson's attempt to kill him while the man is still human. He's eager to be slain by a righteous mortal hand--perhaps he always had been since that Transylvanian sunset when he was left paralyzed, but not put down. Just turned into an experiment and an attack dog for the century and change to come. And when Anderson resorts to inhumanity, to becoming a horror like him rather than remaining the human hero who rightfully slays the monster, it makes him livid. Heartbroken.

There's just a lot to pick apart with this version of Dracula that I find worth sitting through the nonsense for. He isn't watered down into a cartoon. He isn't turned into a wink-at-the-camera Casanova. He isn't ~doing it all for love~. He's still fucking Dracula. But a Dracula who's been dragged by the hair through an intriguing rock tumbler of a history and forced to play with a cast of characters that makes me want to see what happens next rather than roll my eyes at yet another cookie cutter DRACULA WAS SO AWESOME-COOL AND THE REAL ANTIHERO ALL ALONG AND ALL THE GIRLS WANTED HIM AND THE HUMAN HEROES WERE ACTUALLY ALL LAME OR SECRETLY EVIL narrative.

It's a bloodstained bullet-riddled eldritch undead fever dream.

All that and it has a Dracula who eats Nazis.

I'll take that shit and Crispin Freeman's velvet voice acting in a heartbeat over 90% of Dracula media that's been squatted out over the past 126 years.

[mentallyderangel]

Oh hi!!

Em/Emmy 27yrs in this flesh suit. Bisexual and nonbinary

They/them is preferred but they/she is tolerable

I won’t waste my time on a DNI bc yall do as yall please but minors, racists, TERFs and swerfs, pedos and the like, this ain’t the place for you so fuck off. You ain’t welcome. I don’t want you here.

Not interested. Leave comments in tags for the love of god please. Dont be a fuckin creep.

Full of mental illness and fuckery, schizoaffective bipolar type so if u see me spiral, no u don’t

Interests and kinks you’ll see: CNC, obsession, blood play, vampires, nugoth, pastel goth, Buffy, Charmed, general occult, knife play, y2k emo and scene everything, dark kinks, somno, kitten play, etc.

Tag guide:

babiface - selfies

the influx - lewder pix

music - fave music duh

purrsonal - personal posts

pets are tagged by name: Jiji, Lunabelle, Nandor, Colin Robinson, Cas, and (rip) Dipper

Dividers by @violetbudd

[witchofthesouls]

Okay, so cybertronians can only drink energon, usually referred to as the blood of Primus, meaning they're basically vampires. Well, it's a common joke that the symptoms of being a vampire is anti Italian. Unicron literally grows garlic.

Ergo, Cybertronians are vampires and Unicron is space Italy.

Even better, anon, I raise up other anti-vampire mechanisms from traditional folklore, like can't cross running water and hate sunlight.

Earth is mainly water, right down to its inhabitants and wildlife. There are places on Earth where the sun is 24/7, not to mention the fluctuations depending on the time of year where there are loooooong day hours. Unicron subconsciously and furiously built defenses to ward away his twins' parasites. He's that damn salty. Joke's on the Unmaker because it gave rise to Earth's general weirdness to be a Space Australia and a Space Italy.

And that explains the weird fuckery across universes when it comes to Earth.

[tideswept]

Midnight snack

clearly: vampires.

okay, no, I'll try to reach for slightly higher fruit. But not too high, because quite frankly I'm short.

You didn't specify a pairing and I cannot ask for clarification but my brain has gone to TMA? I'm so sorry if that's not what you meant! But uh, spoilers warnings for the Magnus Archives and the general fuckery that goes hand in hand with JonElias. If you know you know.

Jon doesn't realize he wakes up in the middle of the night and turns to Elias, eyes fathomless, dark, not black, because black implies something, and this is nothing.

And Elias is prepared for these moments, for these growing pains, because he is nothing if not dutiful about shaping this burgeoning archivist, his last archivist, so frail and fearsome and terrified and terrifying.

He takes the statement out of the book he's been reading. Secret compartments? No, no, that's not his style at all.

Not only that, but Jon's nature is to seek out secrets. So Elias really isn't hiding anything; he makes good use of each statement he tucks into the book, they're excellent bookmarks. He's even offered the book several times to Jon, who always rolls his eyes and waves him away. He really doesn't like magical surrealism novels. Silly man.

"Ah, yes, here we are." Elias smooths the folds of the letter out and puts on his reading glasses. The glow from the nightstand lamp is tinted yellow, almost triggering a nostalgia for candles.

Jon stares blankly through him, all hunger and voiceless demand. Elias is tempted to put his fingers to those dark pupils, find out if they don't sink in like one of Rayner's or Simon's puddles, unthinkably deep.

He clears his throat. "'Dear Jonah, I pray this missive finds its way to you with all due haste...'"

📚 [send me a made-up fic title and i’ll tell you what i would write to go with it;]

🍓 [quick jump to ask inbox]

[contumacious-arcadia]

I was just minding my business, sitting here with my morning coffee and wondering about how I'm going to flesh out my next plot point when the random thought train took over my brain and sent me down a spiral wondering where my indirect influences for the fic I'm writing came from. Anywho, I realized something interesting. I was WAY into Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles series when I was a kid, and I gave the first few books a re-read when the new IWTV show came out. I think the way Anne takes the antagonist of one book, and flips them into the protagonist of their next book has had a lasting impact on me and the way I view media. I already generally gravitate to antagonists and anti-heroes (they're just so much more interesting!) and so I, like many others, was immediately down bad for Lestat even when he was pulling all sorts of fuckery with Louis in the first book anyway; but gah-dayum did that interest morph into full on favoritism when the next two books slammed him into protagonist mode. The same thing happened with Armand. He was interesting but a bit annoying in the first novel, but grew to become my second favorite character in the entire series as Anne revealed his story in full. When you're sucked into one of the previous antagonist's POV and history, suddenly things seem so much more grey. Sometimes that means we're provided context we were lacking- sometimes we learn the true motivations of a character instead of what the previous protags just assumed was the case - etc... I'm usually not fan of antagonists who are just 'evil for the sake of evil' and really have no true motivation for their actions other than 'bad is good', so I think that rubbed off on the way I experience media. I'm typically always on the alert for hidden context clues, red herrings, or angles that the story could take in the future to re-contextualize the status quo. Anyway, there is no real point to this post. It's just something I was thinking of and found interesting enough to scream into the void of the internet ;)

[amxthystiine]

limbus martin you say.. 👀

(MOTWE onwards spoilers)

My insane paranoid funny dramatic wannabe detective man who’s got vampire blood in him and has no fucking idea (it’s why he’s so fucking fixated on seeing justice served & why he gets concerningly violent and bloodthirsty at times, almost like he’s in a trance)

I’ve had him as an OC in general for a while now but it’s really fucking funny cause recently I have been thinking of him as a sinner, but he’s A LOT like (our) Don funnily enough 😭 (with maybe a little bit of Sinclair parallels with the slumbering bloodthirst + incredible potential to do their job well but shh)

main sin = Lust, obsessed over a specific job title of people due to seeing justice done [Detectives for him and Fixers for her], has Bloodfiend fuckery going on, probably has to kill their mentor at one point during their canto because they’ve become the opposite everything that Don/Martin stood for, etc

Except he’s very arrogant, argumentative and a show off who sees the others as below him - because to him he has to be right and if we’re talking moreso specifically Limbus lore I’m thinking of I think the guy’s be associated with K Corp because green fluid go brr & because I’m probably gonna make his Canto a murder mystery that he falls into because his promise in his contract was discovering who killed his parents (which is the reason why he’s so determined on becoming a detective - I think in this AU one would be a Seven fixer and the other a Cinq West fixer, they used to tell him tales of their cases all the time and that’s why he wants to become a detective - he wants the glory and to enact justice while also avenging his parents by carrying on their legacy)

The plot twist with him though might be that his current mentor, a Roland-style nihilistic “The City runs on suffering so my bad actions are justified because I’m doing what I need to survive and other people’s problems are not my own” bloodfiend Fixer who leads his own office (maybe a good Grade 3 or so? Idk man) tried to sire him as to force Martin to work under him (because he recognized the kid’s determination and that he was very perceptive and quick-witted) and failed, with his initial hunger being so intense he bit into his parents [might keep this plot point might change it, also lmao another Don parallel FUCK] resulting in him having to deal with Martin following him around and slowly becoming a bloodbag over time, deciding to take the kid under his wing and make him his protégée as to make the most out of the situation.

The reason why I kinda want to make HIM the murderer rather than his mentor is because I want him to just utterly implode internally, because he does a similar thing in his main lore when discovering he’s part vampire despite thinking he was the only normal person around town - because to him others are far more willing to do bad things for themselves, but his bad actions are justified to him, so if he suddenly realizes that the very thing he considers the worst thing to happen to him is actually HIS fault rather than someone else’s, he’ll realize that what he hates most INCLUDES himself, and that according to his own moral code HE HIMSELF is EVIL, so he is NOT going to be ok about that, especially while losing his mind during his canto due to bloodbag brain decay

And yes I have a possible solution to how his bloodbag transformation was so overdue - and that’s the K Corp ampule fluid, because it reverts your body to a state from seconds before, right? It can basically bring people back from the brink of death, so could it be used by said mentor to keep his transformation in check and from happening, with Martin taking some ampules when he eventually ditches the Office for Limbus Company, but they eventually run out in the time coming up to his Canto, beginning his slow descent into blood-craved madness.

Funnily enough I’d probably make his main weapon a gun (with maybe an alternative melee weapon, perhaps a small dagger???), perhaps making him the only ammo base ID, with his being one of the many things I’ve taken from that short time I played as this funny little guy in VTM,, like we know Limbus has a LOT of money in their pockets LET ME HAVE A GUN USING SINNER RAHHHH HE DOESNT EVEN NEED TOO MANY BULLETS

I haven’t decided on a logo or colour (probably a light shade of green) nor a word (probably in French considering he was French-Canadian in the VTM session I played as him and his full name is basically just Mint Martini because of his OG design 😔😔 [Martin Menthe])

God I’m insane about my attempted noir detective wannabe little guy and it’s funny cause this is the part of me that he kinda represents like he’s passion and willpower incarnate in both a good way (strong sense of justice/to his own moral code, confidence, dramatics, etc) while also in a bad way (violence/anger, overconfidence, believing so hard in his ideals being the only right ones, with these aspects of him being broken down and mellowed post/during Canto, when he does admit and realize that he too, can be as bad as he paints others in his mind sometimes)

Yes his mentor would be the final boss and yes the only reason I had insane brainrot about them was because of “It Had To Be This Way” & “Find Your Flame” 😔😔 they fucking bangs tho

Also HE’S A REALLY GOOD FOIL TO MY SELF INSERT LIKE

THE ONE WHO WILL FIND OUT THE TRUTH AT ANY COST VS THE ONE WHO’S FAKING HER WHOLE PERSONA

THE ONE WHO ACTS DUE TO HER EMOTIONS BEING CONSTANTLY IN CHECK, YEARNING TO FEEL MORE VS THE ONE WHO’S EMOTIONS MAINLY DICTATE HIS ACTIONS, DESPITE HIS LOGIC TELLING HIM OTHERWISE

but they also both are heavily repressing a part of themselves and during their Cantos this more unhinged part of themselves comes out in full force and hhhhhhh parallels :)))))))

Lust vs. Gluttony oh yeah baby woooo this shit was way too long lmaooo and I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned all the ideas I have for this little guy yet (here’s his main lore design rn)

[miscellaneoussmp]

Hello, new people in the qsmp tag! It's a pleasure to have yall here!! This post will be a list of my favorite fics that I have written, along with the more popular ones!

To start, here's my masterlist for all my fics!

The list will be in (mostly) chronological order of when I posted them, so they might not fit with current lore!

•A Wedding! (A Funeral.): Fake risus arc 4halo wedding fic.

•First Time (Second Time): Pac cleans up the lab and thinks. (cw/tw: blood mentions throughout)

•Third Time (Fourth Time): Pac is covered in blood and thinks. (cw/tw: blood mentions throughout, implied/referenced violence)

•Family Dinner: Dinner at Cellbit and Roier's castle and how that goes.

•Two Souls: The story of The Grim Reaper meeting a set of twins. (cw/tw: blood/violence/death mentions, general Cellbit fuckery)

•One Reaper: The story of a set of twins meeting The Grim Reaper. (cw/tw: blood/violence/death throughout, general Cellbit fuckery)

•Take Care: Foolish and Roier help each other.

•Body Temperature: Soulmates and below average body temperature. (cw/tw: General Pac trauma, blood/violence mentions)

•Sleeping Beauty: Cellbit admires a sleeping Roier.

•Garden (of Eden): Tallulah meets Death in her dream.

•A Game of Follow the Leader: A brother and a sister play a game. (cw/tw: blood/violence/death implied/mentioned throughout)

•Retribution: Forever finds The Eggs in The Nether.

•Documentary: Bagi is alone, she copes. (cw/tw: implied mental health issues/violence, mentioned gore)

•Double-Blind Study (Placebo Effect): Cellbit gets therapy, Bagi doesn't. (cw/tw: implied/referenced mental health issues, repetitive narration)

•Aster Bouquet: Bad recognizes Tina from somewhere. (cw/tw: implied/referenced death)

•Two (for the price of one): Pac wonders about things.

•Promise? Promise.: Pac and Mike have a conversation in a dream.

•Overcast Skies (the feeling of anemoia): Sunny grieves someone she never met. (cw/tw: referenced death)

I also have an au! Find it at [#unnamed vampire and ghost au]!

[cyclogenesis]

life update, sry for absence, you will literally not believe the breadth and depth of fuckery I have been facing down these last few weeks including the last insane 24 hours

Cannot overstate how obscenely ridiculous things have gotten for me. I thought I felt Seasonal Affective Disorder looming at the turn of September to October but I think now it was just a sense of general foreboding. 

So I’m trying to truck along these last few weeks, sad as hell about my beloved cat, and then for the third time this year I have to find a new psychiatrist. I take Adderall for my ADHD, I have for six+ years, I see telehealth providers for monthly five minute appointments to be like yes I still need Adderall please send the prescription thanks. Walgreens causes a problem too fucking stupid to get into with psych #1 this year, I go out of my way to explicitly confirm this same problem won’t crop up with psych #2. No it’ll be fine he says. He was wrong, because he apparently didn’t know what he was talking about, and instead of looking into it for clarification he just said meaningless words to shut me up. 

The problem crops up again. We try three different pharmacies to try and get around it. Doesn’t work. I have to find a new psychiatrist. Again. Takes weeks. I finally find a place where god willing this dumb issue will not crop up again. I get an appointment for last Friday morning. Yay!!!! I decide to start seeing a new therapist too since one was on offer and I was feeling rough. (Last Thursday I said yes to the appointment. This is when I was already having a hard time.)

I see this new psych. He tells me that he’s going to hold the Adderall prescription hostage until I get an EKG and also a bunch of lab tests done. He watches me visibly wilt like a flower trapped in a bell jar. Fine. I go to Quest Diagnostics like he told me to. I get there at 10:30am and I’m #10 on the standby list. At 12:30pm I’m still #10 on the standby list and the nurse comes out and tells us all basically there’s no chance. I pay $6 for parking and leave having wasted two hours and six dollars. 

Fine. I make an appointment for Tuesday, the soonest I could get. (Great, that won’t already be a stressful day!) I find an urgent care place as suggested for the EKG. It’s a mile and a half away. I walk there. I wait an hour and forty minutes before a nurse comes to take my vitals. Because I didn’t expect to be waiting in the exam room for so long I’d taken my jacket off and then got too lazy to get back up and get it even though the AC had inexplicably kicked on. Because of this, and because anxiety makes my extremities go numb, my hands were so cold she had to take multiple pulse oximeter readings. “I’m a vampire,” I joked. “I’m actually dating a vampire,” the nurse said. She explained her boyfriend is Bela Lugosi’s grandson. Los Angeles: lmao. From outside as my eventual results are shared with the doctor I hear, “How is she awake??” 

I put my jacket back on as I wait for the doctor. I lie down. I stick my hands in my pockets. I try to think relaxing thoughts, going to my happy place: earlier this year, the beach at Cannes, walking ankle deep in the Mediterranean. I run through entire Sarah McLachlan songs in my head. By the time the doctor comes in for the EKG I’m feeling very chill. 

Too chill. The doctor has a ridiculously hard time getting a good reading. I’m lying there in an open front paper gown, topless, hooked up to this machine with wires coming off me like a desktop computer running Windows 96. She keeps having to move the little sticker things. We’ve been having a good time since she had to pull out the footrests and keep pulling. “I’m 5’11,” I told her. “I was always mad I didn’t hit six feet.”

“You should just lie,” she said, “How would they know?” I love her. Going forward I will lie. Doctor’s orders! 

I joke that given my previous case of corpse fingers with the pulse oximeter that I’m just a ghost and that’s the issue. She points out that it’s the Day of the Dead. I tell her I tried to haunt my family but their shrines sucked and nobody did the cool skull makeup so I decided to come fuck with some doctors. She laughs. I laugh. We continue to joke around. I love it. All I ever want to do is make people laugh. 

On the third try she finally gets a decent EKG reading though she’s iffy that she may need to do a fourth. Nope, this one is fine. I get to leave. I arrange to have the results faxed to my new psych. “Wait, is my heart okay? Haha,” I say to the receptionist. She passes me a copy of the results and tells me to talk to my doctor. 

It’s all fun and games until I’m walking out at 7:10pm on a Friday night into the cold dark evening with a 1.5 mile walk in front of me and abnormal EKG results that say “possible left atrial enlargement” and “abnormal right axis deviation” and “incomplete right bundle branch block” and “consistent with pulmonary disease”.

Oh. Um. Well. Okay. 

Googling all this leads to results that are scary and not in the “I googled my hangnail and WebMD says I have fingernail cancer” way, more in the there’s actually only so many things all of this together can mean and also the words “consistent with pulmonary disease” are in fact right there in black ink sort of way. Lots of stuff about the very increased likelihood of heart attacks. You hate to see that!!!!

In retrospect maybe it has been weird that I’ve been so aware of my heartbeat all the time lately. Maybe it hasn’t just been caffeine and stress. Well, I’ll call my GP first thing Monday and beg for an appointment ASAP, obviously. In the meantime I’ll try not to freak out. I’ll try to avoid additional stress. 

But, you know, I’ve been meaning to call my grandmother anyway. I still haven’t told her about Klaus. Our relationship has been shaky these last few years since I became estranged from my parents in 2021 after they went QAnon and decided that believing Facebook memes was more important than their relationship with their only child (me!!) and she got mad at me for standing up to them ever. Also she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in July so that’s been rough. But I figure she should be in the loop. 

I get ahold of her last night. I tell her there’s stuff going on with me, but she should tell me what’s up with her first. I await news of who triumphed in this week’s game of Yahtzee with her cousin and whether or not the Warriors or whatever sports team she’s keeping up with right now are winning. 

“Well, I wasn’t going to tell you because I know you don’t really care what’s going on with them, but your mom’s moved in with me because your parents are getting a divorce,” she says. 

First I explain, again, as she knows, because she was there, that they are the ones that rejected me. I remind her that my mom got in touch last Thanksgiving saying she missed me and wanted to see me and that I said I felt the same, we just needed to have a serious talk first. I remind her that my mom completely fucking ghosted me after that and has not tried to get in touch since. Even unfriended me on Facebook. Been almost a year now. My parents’ entire relationship with me is less important than their unwillingness to have even one single solitary fucking grown-up conversation. This is a fact. 

And then I’m like, also what???????????????

So apparently my dad (stepdad actually, but he married my mom when I was seven and he’s the only person I’ve ever called Dad) told my mom they should move back to the Central Valley. He said they should sell their house in Sacramento and she should quit her job up there and try to find a new one in Fresno. They sell their house and use the extra to pay off debts, because they are morons who have always lived paycheck to paycheck no matter how big or small those paychecks are. 

Mom asks Grammy if she can move in with her in Fresno while she looks for a new job. Grammy says no. Mom moves in her friend Diane, who was widowed after her idiot MAGA antivaxxer husband got Covid (which he didn’t believe in) and ended up getting an entire lung transplant and then dying anyway. Mom gets a job in Fresno but she doesn’t like it so she quits. 

My stepdad meanwhile has a one bedroom apartment in Sacramento and is still working at his job up there. He puts a bunch of their stuff in storage in Fresno in anticipation of the move. My mom goes up to visit and they celebrate their 34th wedding anniversary. Everything’s fine. 

A week later he calls and says he’s divorcing her. She can keep all the stuff that’s in storage in Fresno. This apparently comes out of nowhere, though not for him I guess (lol?). 

Diane’s landlord finds out my mom’s living there and threatens to evict them due to the unauthorized tenant. Mom has to move in with Grammy. 

And that’s what you missed on Glee!!!!!!!!!

With that out of the way, I tell Grammy my cat died and also I likely have some kind of lung disease and my heart’s maybe fucked. I tell her luckily lol I’m starting therapy again and she says she doesn’t understand that and that she gets depressed sometimes and then she gets over it. She tells me I should get a job because she knows I don’t make enough from my shop. I explain that I’m trying to avoid stress right now because it could very literally give me an actual genuine fucking heart attack. She continues to be a dick because instead of using any of her 85 years of life on this planet to try to become emotionally healthy she has chosen again and again to just lash out when she’s upset and never grow as a person in any capacity whatsoever. I am grateful again that I’m able to take her and my parents as examples of what I don’t want to be. I am far more patient with her than she deserves and we part on decent terms. 

I immediately proceed to storytime this bitch out with the besties. Everyone’s like “What?????” and I’m like “I know!!!!!”

The funniest part is that the parental estrangement was due largely to my mom just fully choosing my stepdad over me, her only child. Which like wasn’t even a surprise really, as she had told me once in a childish and unexpected outburst of anger that she didn’t have a choice but to have me. (Sure she did. She just buried her head in the sand until it was too late.) So it made sense that it would be my stepdad. He was the one she felt she got to choose. Also, she is an asshole.

Hope she feels great now about making that call, lmao!!! How’d that one work out queen?? No husband, no daughter, 62 years old moved back in with your mom who didn’t even want you there, huh? Yikes!!

So anyway, my GP’s office opens in twenty minutes, please cross your fingers for me that I’ll be able to schedule an appointment sometime before my heart bursts out of my chest like the alien in Alien and then dons a tophat and tapdances away from this clusterfuck, an action for which I would not blame it tbh. (Edit: They don't have any appointments until April [what?!] but they have walk-in hours thrice a week. I will get there at 10am Wednesday morning and hopefully they will see me.) New therapist appointment is at 12:30pm, best of luck to her with this goddamned Pandora’s box of bullshit that I’m about to unleash on her. 

Gonna try to relax in the meantime as I am at this moment very aware of the consistent thumping of the tell-tale thing inside my chest. Wish me luck!

[thenixkat]

currently thinking about like worldbuilding the Scarabs more, especially as magi-tech bioengineered organisms. They aren't actually written consistently with weaknesses or even… how their biology would work

like for weaknesses all I can say that I've seen that doesn't feel like a cop-out is that we've seen Scarabs drained of energy and also bothered by very strong magnets

tech and their senses would definitely include magnetoception which would be bothered by strong magnets close by.

when drained of energy the Scarabs will respond by eating a fucker back to regain their energy or powering down/dearmoring their hosts and ??? i assume waiting til they recover on their own

we know that the Scarabs have charging ports/charging decks. But that's not where they're getting their energy while inside a host. They do seem to generate some energy on their own but nothing said where they get it from

i'm going to assume that they likely recover some energy from skimming their host and the environment. yeah. it would make sense. No idea how long their battery equivalent charge would be but given the timescales that the Reach operates on I would assume long lasting, would make sense if they dont want to dip below a certain amount of charge and shut down/go low power if they hit that level. WOuld also make sense if they were high key energy vampiring stuff, siphoning off local power grids given they arent supposed to wake up and pick a host until the world they're on reaches a certain tech level

i will also assume if they're magi-tech, like the retcon of the retcon claims, they probably also tap into like leylines and shit for power and I would assume that while armored up the Scarabs could also take in solar energy

like the energy from the plasma canons and blasters has to come from somewhere

Granted it would help if we saw the Scarabs having limits on how long they could stay armored and how much they could use their energy weapons and mass generation

like sure, i'll buy that they can convert energy into mass and like convert mass into energy but where are they getting it from? is the thing

we do know that the Scarabs can make clothes for their host out of bodily waste and dead skin cells and shit and that the Scarabs do something with their hosts' waste if they ever have to go while armored up.

Huh, that would be an interesting side effect to being a Scarab host if like the hosts just never had to use the bathroom ever even unarmored if the Scarabs just collect and store all the waste as mass to use for something else

I also would think that if we go with Scarabs skimming energy from their host it would alter the hosts' apparent metabolism/dietary requirements

which if the scarab collects waste products would be a win-win if the host consumes more

also, the Scrabs would need to be a lot denser than they look and/or have some spacial fuckery going on inside them for storing mass. cause… again the mass has to come from somewhere for armoring up and making the weapons

I'm not gonna read the New 52 run stuff but I do like the idea that the Scarabs are capable of asexually reproducing and creating more Scarabs. Since we got nanotech and like techno-organic so it would have cells that can replicate.

Can get a small army fast, which depending on the type of Scarab (and we know there's multiple types) that's great. And also potentially replacing a Scarab that's not able to fulfill its purpose for whatever reason.

[gust-jar-simulator]

Seriously considering writing more about my blorbos being goth. I know way too much about the vampire subculture and also I love the idea of applying gothic lit tropes to LOZ. Hells. Twilight Princess exists. Is there anything more goth than a cowboy with eyeliner who turns into a nightmarish beast under cover of darkness?

I feel like Twilight would have no frame of reference for goth anything, and yet just naturally be extremely goth.

Fanon Legend definitely has enough reason to swing towards the mourning/explicitly death related side of things, and technically Wind does too.

Fanon Vio has INFINITE reasons to be goth, including but not limited to a desire to practice necromancy to see his dead boyfriend again (who also happens to be a demon). Depending on whether or not they're all on the same wavelength, this could include all of Four.

This is going to sound unhinged, but hear me out. Some sort of ouji style for Wars. While he does have an image to maintain, lolita style was in part created as a reaction to the idea of attractiveness- women dressing like little girls as a statement that not all fashion is meant to be sexy, it's just supposed to be fun. It's not really gendered, but there is a more masculine version, and I feel like Wars would just melt into the goddamn floor from the relief of being pretty but not a Sex Symbol for a bit. Once he got used to the idea. Maybe in pastels, the darker gothic colors might remind him too much of Cia.

My only statement regarding Time is that he deserves to wear a dress. That man's gender is tree and we all know it, I bet gendered clothes confused him for the longest time and it only got weirder once he permanently passed puberty and people started caring. I'm not sure he'd be outright goth, but he'd have his own death-related Kokiri traditions and he'd probably observe them in relation to the fuckery of Termina. It's just really hard to notice because Kokiri death traditions involve Not Talking about the dead, generally. Could have some implications for why he doesn't talk about himself in depth much.

Sky has never been goth in his life but it would be funny to give him a Demise-related midlife crisis. Something something scaly black pants.

Hyrule's life is CONSUMED by thoughts of blood and death and proper disposal of his corpse, barren fields and dying villagers, haunted woods and rampaging demons. Most of that is just business as usual though. I'd say he might not dress very gothic but he still has a very gothic approach to things like the beauty of the ominous red sunset and flourishing thorn bushes or the safety inherent in a well-kept graveyard. He's definitely slept on or even inside of a grave before. Very cozy.

Wild has tried every aesthetic at least once and will continue to add more to his collection. Also he deserves to get as much mileage as possible out of undead jokes. Maybe he'd even outright identify as undead as a coping mechanism. His version of being extremely morbid includes dressing in the ancient guardian set, looking like the very machines that killed and resurrected him.