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rosedalemike · 7 years ago

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The Mood: Blog #5 "Perception/Loneliness”

written Sunday April 8th at 5:36 am Ever wonder what others think about you? Not that you should care what others think about you, but do you ever sometimes just wonder if maybe you were a dick/bitch to that someone when you didn't mean to be- and then on the other hand- way too nice/generous to someone who probably just talks shit about you? It happens to me a lot. It's probably one of the biggest reasons I'm traveling around by myself.

Not that anything specifically like that came up this week. I've just been thinking about it more as I've finally been poking my head out of my basement to get back out to play shows. Just kinda like 'what does this person actually think of me? Did they actually just enjoy this show? Would they actually listen to my music regularly?' Not that they need to respect me or anything for me to like them. And, needless to say, I'm extremely grateful they came out to support anyway. It just sometimes makes me ponder things like: who is my actual demographic? What makes our distracted generation listen to an artist regularly? How/why can I make a stranger who has no idea what I do be completely invested in my art yet people who have seen me grow this garden for years suddenly have zero interest in Rosedale?

Maybe some of those answers are relatable to reasons why I enjoy being alone. I know that probably sounds really sad to most people but hear me out...

Intro to sidetrack: I got into this topic with a long time fan at tonight's show. She was thanking me for being so nice and always inviting her out to shows. I had to tell her 'if only you knew how many people block me for that same gesture' (see blog #4). She was genuinely pumping my tires pretty good. Don't get it twisted- her boyfriend was right there the whole time and he was also cool A-F, as the kids say...

She went on to say how she used to hang out with Hedley years ago whenever they were in town and they were rude dicks. She couldn't fathom their conversations. As easy as it might have been for me to jump on the freshly-greased "Hate-Hedley" bandwagon (kinda punny if you watch Trailer Park Boys) It got me thinking that maybe, as humans, when we're in our packs we often come across as unwelcoming. Especially bands! The inside jokes, the anything-goes-ness, the gear-geak battles/bro-downs. Looking back, I'm sure Rosedale sure fit that shoe for years! And I'd imagine macho sports teams come off as even more unwelcoming to strangers. (there I go- generalizing again...)

But it's all perception- How do we perceive their inside jokes and harmless offside humour? Maybe Hedley were total dicks a few years ago, maybe they're not anymore. All I know is nothing really surprises me and I think even some of my favourite people get offended out of perceived context- not easily, per say- just out of common, outside perception. I'm sure I could go even more south and throw in some President Trump examples here but that dude gets enough external spotlight. And to clarify (before I get me a page-full of political/social facts that I have 0 any interest in); I'm neither a Trump or a Hedley fan...or Nickleback, for that matter...but I'm also not a total hater. I'm just saying they're prime examples of how perception and context have some serious horsepower especially in our ever changing world of social media/open-broadcasting.

Here's a wider, more harmless example of the two sides of perception that's a little closer to home; my set at Hard Luck in Toronto last Saturday. There was a high energy and big crowd in the room right as I was setting up. I played an ok set, nothing remarkable in my mind. But a very rare thing was happening; Humans were turning into Rosedaliens right before my eyes! They were feeding off of my music in ways only artists on the radio can relate to! They were eating up the positive message and yelling positive messages right back! The vibe was bliss! Nobody cared what anyone in the room might think of them. The phones were only out for "Eldorado's Climax" or to record/snapchat/livestream! After the set people were buying all the merch! I must have taken 15 photos with fans and strangers! Signed a few posters and CDs! Young, hip humans were telling me their stories! My tires were pumped way past any psi they've ever seen! Etcetera!!!

Then I played London Ontario at the legendary Call the Office on the same night of the week, same time... (The only difference with this given Saturday was that there was no Easter/Passover excuses in my inbox.) But there were a total of maybe 15 people there. They were standing 30 feet away of the stage. I played/sang/delivered by far the best Rosedale set so far this tour with a proud smile on my face and, although the other bands and their friends kinda danced and inched closer towards the stage, not a single CD or shirt left the merch bins. Nobody asked to take their photo with me. Come to think of it, I was even getting the whole "This-dude-needs-a-band" vibe.

So why did the mediocre Toronto performance get a way better response than the solid London set? Or even the relatively strong Brampton set that we filmed. It seems like it had nothing at all to do with me. It was entirely based on the crowd's perception! My good friend, Jonny (who is pretty knowledgeable with live music/performance/production), came out to both the Toronto show and the Brampton show. Even his perception was completely altered by these energized, Toronto meat baffles! Jonny thought the Toronto set was better. “You’re ready! Epic, prolific,” were his and his Toronto company’s words. He wished I'd filmed the Toronto show instead of Brampton. Kind of off topic (but, really, why I used the term "meat baffles"); Jonny also said the sound was bad in Brampton (and so did his Brampton company) and much better in Toronto. Where-as Bryan and Danny...and my mom... said that Brampton was the better sounding Rosedale show (and they were all also at the Toronto show!)

So just because I had a generous, high energy crowd in front of the stage in Toronto, I was worth something to everyone in the room. I even sounded better, in Jonny’s opinion. People wanted pictures, autographs, and merch because their perception of Rosedale was a promising one. Yet, I could play the same exact set on the same night, same time, in a more intimate setting with a more solid performance and have my picture, signature, and merch less desired than just a couple more drinks. The other two bands played amazing sets as well. I was actually, genuinely blown away, like, fanboying on Adelaide’s guitarist, getting chills from Mermaids Exist’s harmonies etc. But they too set up their merch table for nothing. It is a very common display of how people's perception is strongly influenced by the context of their surroundings.

The only person, arguably, in the room who felt...in the presence of greats- was myself! I know I played a legendary set and I'm 100% certain that if Adelaide and Mermaids Exist keep slugging away like that- they're gonna come built-in to everyone's iPhone 12s!

This “perception-check” is nothing new to booking agents. They no longer accept buy-ons. (Of course I've tried!) Money can't buy you happiness, or a loyal following. Agents, labels, and managers want their bands playing to full rooms only. Intimate shows (as in half empty capacity shows...yes, I took the pessimist approach) are only creating negative perceptions. If, by some stroke of Modesty-Miracles, some of these rock star agents did stumble into reading this, they were thinking "No shit, Shirlock. Stop playing small shows" 5 paragraphs ago. I'm just letting everyone else know; the artist is about 10% responsible for impressing/entertaining the audience. The other 90% is the context of that room and a good chunk of that context is just simply the amount of people there. (other smaller pieces of the pie; venue decor/layout, sound engineering, staff, house music ...to name a few.) Maybe all of this is very obvious to most people already. I just wish solving all the pieces of that pie were easy or at least in my hands. But the modern ratio still just seems crazy to me, growing up in the punk/emo scene.

I think maybe another reason it seems crazy to me ties back to the fact that I'm alone a lot. When I'm alone I have more of an open mind and agenda. I think this could be the case for most people. There was one guy at the near-empty London show who was jumping up and down during my set. He was alone and so stoked. He didn't care what anyone thought- a proud new fan! I threw a pick perfectly into his hands at the end of my near-perfect set (#pingofftheforehead, Toronto show inside joke). He's been messaging my instagram all day. He didn't buy merch (he might have if there was a big generous crowd there, though) but he signed up and watched all of my youtube videos today.

I think most people actually have a better time traveling/exploring/wondering out by themselves than they realize. I believe you're more accepting of different environments and cultural differences when you're by yourself. You're taking it all in and enjoying it. You're making new friends out of strangers who have no knowledge of your history as you have no knowledge of theirs. You feel like you can open new chapters of your own book and appreciate the fresh pages they're showing you, and consider the context. You might be thinking "so-&-so would love this" but chances are, if "so-&-so" were there, you'd likely be missing this too while off hanging at the bar or whatever.

When you have your crew/family/entourage beside you for every door you open, life can start to pass you by. You might be having a great time with them and jel with them like peas and carrots, but the element of wonder and discovery isn't quite the same. It's sometimes like an invisible stress and I'd even go as far as to say that it is the main reason why bands break up on their first tour. Bands aside though, I've heard first-hand stories of good friends traveling together that went through episodes where they were so pissed off with each other that they wouldn't even talk to one another for hours. Sure, it could be the simple fact that you're now living with this friend/band hour-by-hour on this trip (Egos clash, ideas vary, mistakes affect everyone, true colours flourish etc.) and you're stuck with them for the next however-many-days. But I'm certain that a group-of-friends/family/band living together in their hometown would go over way better than living together in a new city every night. And traveling with a significant other- well that's an entirely different blog for a different day.

I'm not sure if any of this is proven or factual. This is just me rambling at 5:30 am after a show. Another thing I hear a lot is "Mike, you just haven't found the right “one”/bandmates/friends". Fair enough. But maybe I'm just your classic degenerate- I could just be a weird lonely dinosaur that likes to roam alone. #lonewolf. But I think all of that coincides with the original point I made about being a dick to someone you actually really like/love. We've all done it, I'm sure. The nicest human in the world can be passive/harsh without realizing it. But as much as I think butting heads is inevitable when you're living together in uncharted land, there are friends that manage to really understand me and at least aim to dodge my weird pet-peeves (ie. guitar cases on stage). Of course, they can't drop their established lives/commitments to come travel around with me for months. So maybe there are layers to my solo-ness. (...loneliness sounded too sad.)

LYRIC PARTY:

Chasing the sun isn't my kind of fun I'd rather sit and catch snowflakes on my tongue When summers gone I won't be sad As you cling on to all the good times that you've had 'cause being alone isn't really all that bad - The Ataris "If You Really Want To Hear About It"

But really, even when there's no stranger's pages or culture shock to take in, I have some great times by myself that I wouldn't be able to have with most company around. I wouldn't be able to write this blog in my bed at 5:30am. I wouldn't be able to listen to my new demos and imagine them mixed like my latest releases with my Westones on my 2 hour drive home from London. That, in itself, could easily be considered insanely narcissistic. And so could this; I love hanging out with myself! We get along very well. My tastebuds can be pretty inconsiderate to my gut's needs, and my lower brain is not too happy with the way upper brain has been handling brief encounters with the opposite sex, but alas, we're working on it!

Another thing I like about being alone is that I'm pretty sure people like me more. Whenever I have friends around, it's almost like nobody wants to help with anything. And when I'm "working" away on something, a stranger might say something like "where's your friends? Why don't they help you with that?" As if to say "you need better friends, dude." It's really odd but it happens a lot and those little events tend to commit-to-memory for whatever reason. Kinda like that long-red-light that never fails to time out your drive perfectly. (One of the few books I've actually finished reading, "Stumbling On Happiness" (Daniel Gilbert), describes this human condition a bunch... took me three years to finish that damn book.)

LYRIC PARTY: "Hangman, it's not your fault Commit this to memory The bright ideas are wasted and lost along the way" - Motion City Soundtrack "Hangman" (I could've sworn {or swore??} he said "For bright ideas always get lost along the way" then I looked it up... didn't look up sworn/swore though.) Anyway, I guess this late night, scatter brained blog wants you to consider the context and surroundings when formulating an opinion/perception. And look at loneliness in a bright light. There are many positives. Don't ignore all your friends and family by any means, I'm just saying; A lot of people fear loneliness like they're gonna die alone and they need company at all times. "Alone time" is your most productive time. And productivity, as vague a term, is probably the healthiest form of instant gratification. So do something productive towards your goals the next time you're alone. And while you're at it, open up a new chapter to that old friend you later get to hang out with...

Yeah, this one was all over the place. Thanks for reading though. If you made it this far, you're a trooper and I love you.

Shows this week: Wednesday, April 11th - Ottawa, ON @ Mavericks - 10:00 set time, 19+, $8 cover https://www.facebook.com/events/321180534953651/ Thursday, April 12th - Kingston, ON @ Bar 56 - 9:30ish set time, 19+ish, $10 cover https://www.facebook.com/events/368799986934799/ Friday, April 13th - Potsdam, NY @ Hurly's/SUNY Potsdam - 7:30 doors/ 9ish set time - All Ages , FREE https://www.facebook.com/events/363889120774025/ Saturday, April 14th - Rochester, NY @ Firehouse - 8:00 doors/10ish set time - 21 +, $5 cover https://www.facebook.com/events/568521663507443 Sunday, April 15th - Pittsburgh, PA @ The Smiling Moose - 7:00 doors/ 9:00 set time, 21+, $8 tickets**/ $10 doors https://www.facebook.com/events/402443740204364/ Monday, April 16th - Cleveland, OH @ Grog Shop - 6:30 doors, 8:30 set time, ALL AGES, $8 tickets/$10 doors https://www.facebook.com/events/163297504327206/

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mitchbrodie · 5 years ago

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Cool Beans | Album Review

I've been holding this little box stuffed full of balloons, a cut out picture of a tank, a googly eye and elastic bands for a couple of weeks and now finally found some time to dig through the trinkets to find the new 18 track album by Aberdare/Cwmaman based band Cool Beans.

Cool Beans are a quartet consisting of Chris Davies, Nick Geake, James Parr and Simon Blinkhorn. Four diverse musicians from around the local area creating music together that doesn't always have a consistent flow to style or genre. Just how I like it! The album title you ask? It all depends which physical copy of the album you picked up. I was able to grab "Beanito Mussolini" myself and for this review (seeing as there are so many tracks) I'll be giving my thoughts on each song in order as the album progresses:

1. David's Hateful Babies We kick off the album with a bit of acoustic that which has a Gospel-like vibe to it with some great harmonica playing and a "preacher" like delivery on the vocals. "Giraffe" is shouted as a multiple gang vocal alongside some twinkling organ playing which setting the tone of the album right off the bat.

2. The Amazing Quality Of Dry Stone Walls Double speed? Triple speed? The backing instrumentation rises in tempo to also give us dada-like lyrics such as "Have You Got A Drink Of Water?" almost seeming like it lies totally out of context to the “Jungle” feel that the entire vibe of song gives off.

3. Mad Dog Starting with a bit of bright glockenspiel tinkering, it sounds like something “The Alan Parsons Project” or “King Crimson” would squirt out on their day off, with even a “Hawkwind” kind of feel to it. It’s like an acoustic Prog experiment going off the grid. A really catchy little song!

4. Iodine Here comes Mr. Parr's panpipes! (Hopefully from down his trousers as usual too). Sweet harmonies over jagged acoustic guitar stums and some forceful vocals. You can sing along with the chorus of “I-I-I-I-I-I-I-Iodine” with this unruly bunch of Rag, Tag and Bobtails.

5.Swansong Carnival vs flamenco guitars introduce us to a medieval setting, being serenaded to us by the courtroom bard. "It's time to leave it there" is the repeated refrain, which sounds like something Neil Innes may have put out during his illustrious solo career.

6. Flat Earth Some intricate keyboard playing starts with a cool free-flow jazzy guitar over the top. The singing during the chorus like section reminds me of the aliens from the old Smash TV adverts or a Dalek with scrambled circuit board. A really cool Proggy track!

7. Go Swim A calmer track to begin with but I will admit am gutted I haven't delved into the lyrics and potential song meanings. With the pure extensive output and my usual own style of reviewing, I'd be here for a very long time trying to work out a complete philosophical outlook. Funny track though!

8. Major Minor Now we're talking, a bit more experimental with the synth lines, but it reminds me of the soundtrack to a Jamaican rum party, especially with the vocals and Steel Drums. It has some really cool and playful rhythms going on. The vintage-tinged outro is bloody brilliant too, just go listen to it!

9. Music Of The South Pole A bit of a goofy Country-esque approach going on here with an ode to the frozen wastelands. Reminding me a lot of something “The Beatles” would have had fun with to include on “The White Album”. This album is full of fun little ditties you can pull out of the lucky dip at will.

10. Sesame's Treat Acapella into Haunted Rock & Roll into vocal harmonies. I really like the variation of songs and styles darted throughout the album, especially up to this point. It's a bit all over the place but that is what makes it so intriguing and interesting to listen to and take apart.

11. Teddington Lock That flamenco-like guitar creeps back in, or is it a mandolin? I think it might be both! The vocals are a bit softer and hushed which harks back to those 60s Folk ditties that mirror the sounds of an advert for a new Italian restaurant that's just opened up the road.

12. Sing For Swirling psychedelic synths vs a barrage of vocal nuances until we hit a catchy funk guitar chorus of "Sing For". This is a really strange but really cool track on the album. One of my favourites which I heard a little while ago before I picked up the album.

13. In The Box Whats in the box? More progressive instrumentation with a very Welshy sample of a youngster's voice layered over the top. The playful experimentation of the album must really be applauded as you never know what is coming your way next.

14. There is no demise worse than being systematically ignored to death over a period of 40 years

Happy, folk-fun with a depressing name to counteract the upbeat nature and wacky penny whistle solos. There is a cool groove to this song with some top notch vocals and acoustic stomp that you can slap your knee along to.

15. Towndown Town I remember the band playing this song at The Cambrian a while back with that catchy bounce of the main riff. It has that distinctive joyful jaunt to it which breaks up the song nicely into pieces with it's almost "Freedbird" like organ break in the middle.

16. Village Green This starts a little sombre with no direct relation to The Kinks's pop-culture paradise in sight! Barbershop quartet vocals and video game dungeon organs litter the track, giving it another unique edge to an album already firmly rooted in excessive variation.

17. Chad's And Stacy We're off to Church! Or maybe the Circus? It's bounces between the style of sounds until we hit a punchier chorus section with a bit more thrash and balls! "We Want Biscuits" they shout, don't we all want biscuits? I miss those Maryland Cookies with peanut butter in them.

18. Make It Happens We end the album on a lighter note with a more Folk-tinged song with some carefree backing vocals and some optimistic lyrics with a pan-pipe solo. A much more positive outlook to finish off a great album jam-packed with creativity.

Overall the album is a great listen, stuffed full of ideas and interesting songs. I had a very “Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band” kind of vibe as a whole but the list of influences that I can also pick out after listening could be endless! The packaging will suck you in but the album itself will keep you listening. There are a few copies left at “Red House Music” in Aberdare Market. Try and grab yourself a copy BEANfor it’s too late!

Check out the band on Facebook here: www.facebook.com/coolbeansaberdare/

Words: Mitchell Tennant

(28.09.2019)

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alastor-ss · 9 months ago

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Geaks Week Day 1: Dragon

@geaksweek2024

Going for a ride

#GUYS ARE THEY TOO SMALL? CAN YOU SEE THEM???#geaks week #geaks #beaksloose #ducktales #ducktales 2017 #fanart #gyro gearloose #mark beaks #i was originally gonna do a robot dragon but im actually really bad at drawing mechs

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gyroinabirdcage · 9 months ago

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geaks week day 2: holiday/vacation

@geaksweek2024 not my best work but i had fun :3 they both individually drew the hearts on the polaroids btw.. if you care…

#geaks week #gyro gearloose #mark beaks #beaksloose #geaks #dt17 #ducktales 2017 #my art #artists on tumblr #digital art #fanart

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heartsoftruth · 5 years ago

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Ooh dammm i feel you! Ik heb echt hetzelfde. Woon in best wel oude flat die zoo gehorig is. Zijn verschillende buren die zoo vaak tot in de nacht aan het schreeuwen zijn. Slaap idd ook met oordoppen meestal. Is gelukkig mijn studenten kamer dus ben er niet 7 dagen in de week. Snap echt dat je zo erg baalt als je er net pas woont😞. Kan je soms helemaal gek maken he dat geluid? Nu in quarantaine al helemaal kan ik me voorstellen..

Oh echt??? Ja wat een ellende he? Ik wil die man zijn nek echt draaien!

Alleen op zondag was hij opeens heel de middag tv aan het kijken - doet ie normaal goddank - nooit. Dus ik werd: he-le-maal GEAK! Was het zo zat dat ik als een gekke tokkie op de muur heb geklopt... I knowww erg! Maar met hem praten werkt niet en maandag en vandaag was het weer gewoon de gebruikelijke tijdstippen. Eventjes in de ochtend en in de avond vanaf een uur of 20.00, maar wel een stukje zachter. Dus #winning *maar klopt af want dalijk gaat die tv weer aan natuurlijk*.

Zeker idd met die quarantaine en als je zoveel thuis bent... Meine gutteeeee!

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dasturdlydangerousduck · 9 months ago

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Geaks Week 2024 Day 3: Sickness/Injury

Apparently a slight case of congestion equals a new pandemic in Mark's views... @geaksweek2024

#ducktales #disney #disney afternoon #ducktales 17 #ducktales 2017 #darkwing duck #mark beaks #ducktales gyro #gyro gearloose #geaksweek24 #beaksloose #sniffles #sick #contagious #covid pandemic #pandemic

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clouderyhp · 1 year ago

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Geaks Week D5: Family

the family out at a night market together! they will win shitty prizes all night...

#geaks #geaksweek2023 #dt17 #ignore the decreasing quality of my posts

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parentingguide8-blog · 6 years ago

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30 Insanely Hilarious Things Parents Said To Their Kids

New Post has been published on https://parentinguideto.com/must-see/30-insanely-hilarious-things-parents-said-to-their-kids/

30 Insanely Hilarious Things Parents Said To Their Kids

We all know kids say the darnedest things, but what about parents? Taking care of the kids can lead to some crazy (and hilarious) antics, as most parents know.

So, we asked parents about the weirdest things they’ve ever said to their kids—and they didn’t disappoint!

Check out what these parents have found themselves saying. You’ll laugh out loud just as surely as they did!

Watch what you lick!

via: Getty

“Just because the dog licked you does not mean you should lick her.” -Rebecca Allen

Basically, toilet training is an important step for kids.

via: Getty

“Don’t pee in the toy box!”

“Don’t pee into the vent!”

“Don’t pee on your brother!”

There may have been a certain pattern of behavior in my house. -Brit Struchen

The ins and outs of pregnancy v.s. gardening:

via: Getty

My son asked me the other day if the dad has to fertilize the egg every 3 months during pregnancy like you do with a plant.

I’m really just curious about who is teaching my son about gardening because it certainly didn’t come from this house. -Karen Smith

Restaurant etiquette is a work in progress.

“For the love…stop licking the butter and stop hitting your brother with your pancake!” —me; this morning at a restaurant. -Bridgette Bush

What else should we do with almonds?

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Take that almond out of your belly button. Don’t use Pokemon balls as boobs. Remember, you can’t make chicken noises in the restaurant. -Michelle Noelle

Next up, one parent’s words were overheard exactly at the wrong time, plus the one time cake was better than fruit!

Careful what you say while phone calls are in progress!

My boyfriend was sending a voice message to a friend of his and just before he released his finger to send the message I shouted, “Get your finger out of your butt!” to one of my sons.

His friends’ laughter confirmed my fears. He heard everything. -Crystal Bigras

Mischief is never bound by age.

“If you do not stop making chicken noises, you will be grounded”…. to my 11 and 17-year-old boys recently. -Salina Daste

Settling disputes can get weird.

“YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE BALLS!”

Said after daughter yelled that her brother kicked her in the balls. -Adrian McCandless

And sometimes it’s your friends who say the darnedest things.

via: Getty

My favorite this week was overheard at a friend’s house: Stop digging holes in the yard and putting your face in them! –Leah Hodges

The lesser of two evils: cake or watermelon?

via: Getty

“Put down that watermelon and eat some cake!”

When he was little, he would turn red when eating watermelon, strawberries, and tomatoes.

Not from the juices, but a weird blotchy reaction if he ate a lot.

He’d started reacting to a watermelon at a party, and I had to make him put it down and eat something else before it got worse. -Brandy Lee

On the next page, one of the strangest ‘twin’ things you’ll ever hear about!

Just one of those twin things…

“Don’t lick each other’s eyeballs!!! You’ll get an infection!!” I have 7-year-old twins.

Things get really weird really fast around here. -Elena Pita

Both of the following are pretty valid queries:

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Please stop eating my shoes (to the 4-year-old),

Why are all the fridge magnets in your pillowcase (to the 2-year-old)?

That’s today’s record so far. -Racheli Glasser

The difference between want and need.

Tonight while cashing out at Barnes and Noble my 4-year-old grabbed an item and told me he NEEDS it.

I looked down and had to tell him I’m sorry, but you don’t NEED a Pope Francis bobblehead. -Meghan Price

Context is key.

via: Getty

“Stop screwing people!”

While then 3 year old runs around the house with a play screwdriver yelling “I’m gonna screw you!!” -Brookelyn Elizabeth

This is an unconventional and not-so-imaginary friend:

via: Getty

No, you can not sleep with the watermelon even if you named him Billy. -Jennifer Cain

Keep reading for parents’ reactions to their kids’ shenanigans, from school to the backseat of the car!

Sound advice, if strange.

Mid-sentence was “let go of the dog’s penis!”

Aaaaannnnd continued talking without missing a beat. -Tara Guanci

Ah, the beauty of irony. And quesadillas.

via: Getty

The weirdest was “Take your elbows off your quesadilla.”

But my personal fave is “STOP SHOUTING!” delivered at full volume trying to be heard over *their* shouting. -Katie Banks

Of all the strange places to make orange juice

A few that stick out:

“Stop licking your brother’s shoe.”

“Don’t rub your cookie on the floor.”

“You can’t make orange juice in the backseat. Especially without any oranges.” -Ami Leigh

Talk about a lesson in biology.

via: Getty

No, you do not need to duct tape your butt.

I understand that duct tape fixes everything, but that crack is supposed to be there. -Micky Kahn

And don’t get us started on what kids get up to at school!

“Quit doing pranks at school!

Your teacher said you were lying on the bathroom floor with a paper knife taped to your forehead.” -Channing Dawes

Next up, universally important life lessons and one major drawback to getting your kid into superheroes!

Not the best threat to make in front of your neighbors:

via: Getty

When my son was three, I bought him a set of wiffle balls at the store.

He threw a huge tantrum on the way home for some unrelated thing.

We arrived at the house, got out of the car, and in front of a large group of neighbors I shouted at my son, “DO YOU WANNA KEEP YOUR BALLS?!?!” -Michelle Young

One life lesson everyone should learn at a young age:

via: Getty

“We don’t ride the pony naked!”

My youngest had a rocking horse and would run away without her diaper and try to ride it. -Jennifer Geake

Remember kids: don’t listen to Grandpa!

“Stop wrapping your penises around that fork!”

And “DUDE! You can’t crap in a bucket in the yard; we have NEIGHBORS! I don’t care if Grandpa lets you do it! Someone should spank Grandpa!” are two of the more notable ones that come to mind. -Stephanie Marshall

The downsides of getting inspiration from superheroes.

via: Getty

“No, you can’t throw the dog to see if she can fly like Superman!”

Also had to argue with him that he couldn’t jump out of a two-story window to see if he could just because he had a “cape” on. -Angelique Rosbury

Personal space is important.

“My butt is not your personal bongos! Stop that!” I said in the middle of Walmart after I quit caring what came out of my mouth. -Sheryl Swift

Finally, check out parents’ reactions to one hilariously incorrect definition, and some childish interactions with animals!

You can’t always trust your kids’ definition of something.

“Stop corn-dogging your brother!”

(My oldest was kneeing his brother in the behind – he told me that was ‘corn-dogging.’”) -Michelle Sullivan

If only fish worked like this:

via: Getty

“I’m sorry, but no, we can’t put the fish(finger) back in the sea.” -Emma Dawes

Some kids will do anything to get out of school for the day.

“I don’t care if you ARE dead, you still have to go to school.”

Some context might be useful.

They were studying the Ancient Egyptians at school, and he was lying on the floor being a mummy and telling me he was dead and wrapped in bandages. -Shain Wells

The trouble with woodchucks:

via: Getty

It’s NOT dead just unconscious.

Quit crying and help me get this woodchuck (who is now waking up) out of the living room! -Sylvia Sullivan

Kids and dogs might have a couple odd things in common.

“Stop barking and eat your dinner” or “Stop licking your sister’s shoe.”

I used both multiple times with my middle when he was a lil feller. -Jenn Draper

Like this story? Be sure to share it with other parents and find out what crazy things they’ve said to their kids!