#gay men written by a gay girl because asexual gay girls do that i guess

[waxing-hiraethh]

Things to Do in the Belly of the Whale

measure the walls

When Harry’s shoulders fell and his breath stuttered, it was Draco Malfoy who saved him.

He’d never really considered the full depth of water until he’d been plunged into it, sunken into the thick molasses of it as if he was a tiny, insignificant thing. The chill was shocking but the length of it was what kept him up at night, years later; how impossibly far he’d seemed to sink.

He could recount it in small details. The slow suck of light as the darkness rose around him in towering, imposing columns. The salt touching his lips. The way Malfoy’s hair had been a shock of ice white in the tundra of black-blue.

“Why?” he’d asked since. A constant drawling plea.

“Why?” he demanded at his trial. Narcissa imprisoned and Lucius dead. There was a tiny sliver of gold tied around Malfoy’s wrist. A mark, much like the one Malfoy had carved into his forearm, that condemned him to live a small life.

“Why?” he asked at Pansy’s wedding, bells ringing in the air and Draco’s hair lacking the lustre of when he’d had magic at his fingertips.

“Why?” he’d ask, a million more times in a million more ways.

Always the same answer.

“You’re welcome, Potter.”

People worshiped him, now that he’d saved the world. They sent him bags of sweets and broomsticks and galleons. He’d tried to refuse them at first but people had thought him rude, and the concept of being unliked had hit him so suddenly and so harshly that it'd felt a bit like being flung back into the thundering pressure of the water he'd almost drowned in. 

Grimuald was stacked to the ceilings with boxes of things he would never open and grief he’d never been quite equipped to handle. Hermione and Ron had tea with him sometimes. Walburga’s portrait screamed until her throat was bloody and frowned as she wiped crimson over her frame. Life was slow and thick and dark, just like it had been when the water was pulling him down, and down, and down…

And then the morning would break and he’d feel guilty. Guilty for wasting something other people didn’t have. Guilty that some days, he didn’t think a single time about the sticky nothingness of death. Guilty that his guilt felt permanent.

He spent his afternoons pretending to be brave to the mirror. Practicing for the real thing.

Those days, his house felt more like a coffin, his heart less like a hero’s, his mind a blank slate which rain water collected on and festered.

He did not feel like the boy who lived.

[listlessnessss]

do my fellow autohomoerotics experience anything similar?

alloandrophilic life cycle:

1.alloandrophilia predictably hits, target is typically a cis man, sometimes a deeply repressed proto-trans woman (it’s easier when it’s parasocial but unfortunately it’s IRL sometimes—sometimes like a lesbian, i choose an unavailable one). the feeling is good, typically, and i have auto-androphilia for him, too. the kind of man i’m attracted to is usually one i’d want to emulate. also the fantasies are super predictably auto-homoerotic as fuck (the idea is i’d also be a guy)

2.I learn that i’m objectively inferior to him because i am (and sometimes it’s because he’s normie in addition to male) i used to approach, but have given that up in recent years after repeated rejections. i get angry, internally, but don’t let it go anywhere. violent thoughts towards myself and others, inc. target. he would also never accommodate my delusions, my sexuality is estrogenic so i think about the future and realize that obviously anyone who is attracted to me is attracted to women and not to autohomoerotic ftms. my blackpills tell me that even well adjusted bi men wouldn’t.(this is due to my horrible personality, so it’s specific to me) i absolutely cannot approach my latest target, it would be inviable due to other unrelated incompatibilities but i won’t get too into that—doesn’t stop the cycle from proceeding.

3.i have thoughts of suicide every day. i rarely can cry, but then i do. (i’m not on testosterone or anything i’m just repressing) for how long these thoughts last depends on how far it got with my delusions. i’m really good at making the cycle go by quickly—classic comphet, i guess i have this in common w the type 1’s. but when i actually have gotten the opportunity to be one of his orbiters, it lasts longer—i’m usually so inferior to his other orbiters. i feel guilty for implicating him.

4.i retreat into a ground state of asexuality, hyper-romantic fanfic-tropey bihet female sexuality. this is my equilibriated comfort zone. of course, i still repress and carry in me intense cross-sex desires. i realize that i am too highly feminine in my thinking- i catch feelings, i’m emotional as fuck, i’m fembrained as all hell, not built for what i perceive from across the cultural and physiological aisle as the casual, animalistic, cult of physical beauty which everything about my socialization and my nerdy femcel predilections has told me i would never in a million years fit into (and on this point i’m right). I have a horrible body and personality, so i find myself falling back on the tropes of cis womanhood when realistically thinking of enticing targets, where almost zero for (gay ftms? they/them perhaps?) exist. I start recovering from my fixation on my alloandrophilic target, and make a return to woman with a private daydream.

written just now in a moment of self-awareness i think… like genuinely what the fuck is wrong.

is this just suicidal or am i a lesbian all along. do others… like me… experience something similar… is this what it feels like to supposed to have been a man yet have a sex drive dominated by estrogen or is this a secret 3rd worse thing? or AUTISM probably? this should be included in a write-up on autistic girls and how we think. i’m throwing things at the wall in the hopes something sticks wrt my guesses here.

is is just me?

[batri-jopa]

Ten Characters, Ten Fandoms, Ten Tags

Thanks for tagging @chrisoels ! At first I thought I don't have that many fandoms but then I found out that I actually have way too many😅 (why do I always have to overthink stuff like this?) So as there's no clear rules given here - I split it into the list of 10 characters and the list of 10 fandoms because why not:

TEN CHARACTERS - lets start with something normal...

John "Jack" Robinson (from Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries series) - for making all the most minimalistic reactions feel sooo intense with his voice, his face, his appearence and the way he can blink... He's the coolest quiet guy!❤

Amelie (from Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, 2001, dir. Jean-Pierre Jeunet) - nice, quiet girl who is not best at socialising and doesn't enjoy sex (greysexual?) yet loves to make other people happy. Doing good things without being noticed makes her feel powerful and make her feel like Zorro. I love that she eventually gets some kind of reward for all that and the kissing scene in the end is sooo very sweet❤

Pollyanna (from Pollyanna, 1913 novel written by Eleanor H. Porter) [books counts too I guess?] - for looking at the positive side of every situation, what's more to say? Best way to live your life when you're too empathetic👍

Benton Fraser (from Due South series) - a guy from other realm: elegant, polite and humble, obeying all the rules and still be the smartest and most effective police officer around. Not to mention how handsome and cute he is! (take it for ace version of "hot") and scenes like when he falls into the snow in end credits I could watch forever❤ (so bad his asexual smart-ass potential has been wasted by producers in every next season...)

Young Bilbo Baggins (from The Hobbit, or There and Back Again written by J.R.R. Tolkien) - the book character once more: the guy, who starts up as the classical loser, the smallest in the group, knowing nothing, understanding nothing and being scared of his own shadow - when given a chance proves his potential for the greatest deeds, smartest solving problems and bravest of actions💪And the talking to the dragon on the top of that, OMG!!!🤯 (sorry, but Peter Jackson version packed with CGI and unnecessary stuff for me was emotionally flat as a pancake😩)

Zorro (from Zorro, 1957 Walt Disney series) - ZORRO!!! if that's not self-explanatory I don't know what to say😂

Z (from Ant Z , 1998dir. Eric Darnell and Tim Johnson) - for: "Why does everybody have to dance the same way?"

Sherlock Holmes (from Sherlock BBC series) and Gregory House (from House M.D. series) - well it is technically the same character (like Doctor Who or like James Bond - played by multiple actors): brilliant antisocial detective no matter if he is played by Benedict Cumberbatch or Hugh Laurie. And if not for his stunning personality (you may love him, you may hate him but you can't stay indifferent) - all the undefined interactions, dialogs and puns between Sherlock and John or between Greg House and Lisa Cuddy are just pure gold❤️‍🔥

Howard Brackett (from In & Out, 1997 dir. Frank Oz) - sooo sweet, I consider him my favorite ace movie character💜💚 (the 1990's movie tells him to be "gay" but I'd say it's an obvious misrecognition and I'd need another post to tell more about that guy...😋)

Jareth the Goblin King (from Labyrinth 1986, dir. Jim Henson) - well... that's another guy that I sooo much need another post to talk about😆 Starred by David Bowie, nuff said😎

.

TEN FANDOMS (don't worry, this part is much shorter):

Labyrinth (1986, dir. Jim Henson) and its fancomic Girls Next Door (I love that in the fancomic Jareth gets muuuch more good time teasing and flirting Sarah!😋) - what to say? Everything is magical and fancy here but never too naive

X-men - a talent that makes you special also makes you an outcast (which is not any different from the real world actually...) Also cool looking action scenes and young Hugh Jackman as the Wolverine.

Collateral (2004, dir. Michael Mann) - I watched it for the first time in 2021 and it became my biggest obsession, hyperfixation and life perspective changing experience❤️‍🔥 (again - most definitely some other post to talk about it) But apart from my madness it's also is just a very good action movie with nice soundtrack. And ppl saying they hate Tom Cruise but loved Collateral says a lot about it!👍

Terminator 2: The Judgement Day. It's like Zorro to me - obssesed since my childhood and never get over it

Fiddler on The Roof - pure perfection

M.A.S.H. series - classic

House M.D. - apart from everything else it was also a great help during medical studies - nice thing when you can memorise weird disease symptoms with an episode😉

Toy Story - fascinating thing to watch every next movie growing up with you - from your childhood problems to middle age issues...

Matrix - hyperfixation of 13 years old me (but the first movie I choose to treat as a whole story)

Garfield - 😁

Oh, that was kind of refreshing. Turns out I actually needed that.

Now I'm afraid I do not know enough people to tag but lets try it: @the-malfunctioning-somnambulist , @vampiiriic , @blackhoodedfigur , @lireb-librarian , @voidofsky , @sharp-lines-in-charcoal , @dragodina , @sbmranger , @tamisdava2 , @notasapleasure

Have fun if you feel like it or just have a good day anyway!❤

[libraryleopard]

not tryna be rude but educate

as an allo you can still care about aces and aros

it's not a case of "this resonates with aspects" but "he literally described being ace, it was canon"

shatterstar says he had never experienced any form of attraction until he went to the club in #43, which puts him on both the ace and aro spectrums

he goes on to say he doesn't have the emotional ability for sexual attraction

it wasn't a headcanon, it was basically canon

he can still be ace and aro-spec and bi which is why I suggest ace demibiro shatterstar

Hi, sorry it took me such a while to answer your question, there’s more under the cut.

Hm…I think we may have different interpretations of that scene and of Shatterstar's sexuality? I see Shatterstar as someone who has a complicated relationship to sex and romance that has been rather ignored or eroded by later writers, but I'm not sure I see him as being written as canonically asexual during that time period in comics just because of how his upbringing caused him to believe he had no emotions, including sexual or romantic ones. The way I see it, Shatterstar in X-Force is a teenager who has come from a place where any kind of love is discouraged–familial, platonic, romantic, or sexual–and he’s been told he is a living weapon who should care only about his fighting skills. (I think his conversation with Warpath in X-Force 26, I think, sums up his earlier viewpoint pretty clearly.) His time in X-Force is when he unlearns a lot of the emotional brainwashing from Mojoworld by becoming part of a team, learning to care about others, and realizing he has romantic feelings for Rictor. I think this response by an aspec fan about Shatterstar’s sexuality in relation to his upbringing, being coded as autistic, and being written by different writers sums it up much better than I could. 

I do agree with you that more generally I have not enjoyed the way writers have handled Shatterstar’s sexuality and relationships–Peter David making him this really promiscuous person who sleeps around and kisses random people felt out of character to me and Tim Seeley retconning his earlier relationship with Gringrave into existence personally made no sense to me. 

I feel kind of bad disagreeing with you over this because 1) I think ace/aro representation is important and 2) Marvel has certainly not always handled their queer characters that well and I’m not trying to defend them as a paragon of representation or anything, I just don’t necessarily think this was a case of a canon aro/ace character’s sexuality being mishandled. And like I said earlier, I still do like the headcanon that Shatterstar is demi.

Normally the way that I personally deal with frustration surrounding the treatment of queer characters in franchise-owned media is by going and supporting other media by independent creators who are more likely to handle queer representation better than a corporation. I don’t know if this is helpful for you at all, but I was compiling a list of science fiction and fantasy books with ace and/or aro representation for a friend who mentioned they were looking for some, so I guess I’ll drop it here in case you find that helpful? (If not, feel free to ignore me, I would just feel weird disagreeing with you but saying ace/aro representation is important without elaborating.)

Books I’ve read and would recommend:

The Spy With the Red Balloon by Katherine Locke is a book about queer Jewish magicians during WWII and one of the narrators is a gay, demisexual guy (it's historical fiction so those words aren't used, but he pretty clears describes himself as not being attracted to anyone except his male childhood friend). It's not very X-Men, but it does have kind of a superhero vibe in that it reminds me a bit of the Captain America movies.

Elatsoe by Darcie Little Badger is a cool urban fantasy murder mystery I read recently and the protagonist is an aromantic asexual Native American girl. 

The Perfect Assassin by K.A. Doore is an adult fantasy book is about a guy from a family of assassins who just kind of wants to be an archivist instead but gets caught up in a murder mystery. The protagonist is gay and asexual.

Beneath the Citadel by Destiny Soria is a young adult fantasy novel–there's a couple protagonists because it's an ensemble cast, but one of them is an aromantic asexual girl. It's very "teenage rebels" which might generally appeal to a fan of X-Force, IDK?

Scavenge the Stars by Tara Sim is a young adult fantasy book about a girl on a revenge quest who gets caught up in a world of crime and secrets, the protagonist is a demisexual girl (heteroromantic, I think?). I enjoy the protagonist’s arc of “I'm only supposed to care about knives and revenge but aw fuck I’ve caught feelings for this guy whose father ruined my life.” Also, her best friend is an aroace guy.

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand is a creepy urban fantasy book about cults and monsters, it has a couple main characters, but one of them is an asexual girl who has a subplot figuring out her relationship with her boyfriend after she realized she doesn't care about sex.

Other books with ace and/or aro-spectrum representation that I haven't read but have heard good things about:

Cute Mutants by S.J. Whitby (young adult superhero/sci fi book with a questioning panromantic asexual lead, also apparently has really strong X-Men vibes so probably the most relevant in terms of wanting a similar story/genre)

The Butterfly Assassin by Finn Longman (upcoming young adult thriller with an ace lesbian lead, scheduled for release in 2022, apparently it has a similar unlearning-your-upbringing-as-a-human-weapon character arc that a Shatterstar fan might like)

Firebreak by Nicole Kornher-Stace (adult sci fi with genetically engineered super soldiers that similarly maybe could appeal to Shatterstar fans, aromantic asexual protagonist)

The Wolf Among the Wild Hunt by Merc Fen Wolfmoor (adult fantasy novella with aroace characters)

Fourth World by Lyssa Chiavari (young adult sci fi with asexual + demisexual protagonists)

Tarnished Are the Stars by Rosiee Thor (young adult sci fi with aromantic asexual protagonist)

The Sound of Stars by Alechia Dow (young adult sci fi, biromantic demisexual protagonist)

The Art of Saving the World by Corinne Duyvis (young adult sci fi with a questioning ace lesbian protagonist)

Beyond the Black Door by A.M. Strickland (young adult fantasy with a demibiromantic asexual protagonist)

Not Your Backup by C.B. Lee (young adult sci fi w/ superheroes, third in a series, questioning aromantic asexual protagonist)

This Golden Flame by Emily Victoria (young adult fantasy with an aromantic asexual protagonist)

Vespertine by Margaret Rogerson (young adult fantasy, aromantic asexual protagonist though it’s apparently somewhat subtle and will be elaborated on in the sequel)

What We Devour by Linsey Miller (young adult fantasy with a biromantic asexual protagonist)

Belle Revolte by Linsey Miller (young adult fantasy, biromantic asexual protagonist)

Green Rising by Lauren James (young adult sci fi, one of the three central characters is aromantic and asexual)

Now Entering Addamsville by Francesca Zappia (young adult urban fantasy, asexual protagonist)

The Grimrose Girls by Laura Pohl (young adult fantasy, one of the 4 protagonists is aroace)

The Last 8 by Laura Pohl (young adult sci fi, aromantic bisexual protagonist)

Archivist Wasp by Nicole Kornher-Stace (adult fantasy/dystopian with an aromantic asexual protagonist)

The First Sister by Linden A. Lewis (adult sci fi, I believe that of the several main characters one is panromantic and asexual)

Little Black Bird by Anna Kirchner (young adult fantasy, questioning asexual character protagonist and love interest)

[fourangers]

Hi Fourangers,

First of all, I love your blog so much. It's like going through a history back when Naruto Manga chapters were released weekly and your reviews were so Golden, Hilarious and spot-on. Am a new fan though (especially an SNS fan), I just got into this fandom only this year. I don't know if you'll answer my ask, but I just wanted to try and ask you few questions and I pray that you might answer me....

1. Since you've written in a post that you were active in the eastern part of the fandom, How was chapter 698 received in Japan? Because this is the chapter I inherently realized they both love each other. Yeah, I was too late but somehow whenever they interact with each other in previous chapters I always find them to be 'Weird' for just to be friends. Chapter 698 is just blatantly obvious that they love each other. Considering Homophobia and Shounen genre, I have no idea how it was perceived over there back then in 2014.

2. Which scene made you to ship SNS?

3. As an SNS'er how do you feel about the ending, where everyone was married off when they were just 19 just to make some shitty sequel??? As a new fan, I felt betrayed and It would've been perfect if they had stopped at chapter 699, leaving an open ending.

4. How do you face with the accusation about Naruto and Sasuke as brothers and we, SNS'ers are Incest shippers??? I don't care about that Indra and Ashura thing. But Naruto himself told he considers Sasuke as his Brother couple of times. And in Chapter 699, Sasuke acknowledged, 'He finally understood what it meant'.... It's the only thing that confuses me and I don't even have an answer!!! Plus, Kishi himself gave an interview that he based Sasuke on his Brother... I really wonder how he gave such an interview when he literally made them wear necklaces with each other's faces.

5. How was Naruto and Sasuke's sexuality perceived in the fandom back then??? Man!! Kishimoto just made lot of comic reliefs on their sexuality by making Sasuke on Sai jutsu, Naruto not interested in Icha Icha but making Reverse Harem no Jutsu, Naruto was angry when Konohamaru made Boy on Boy jutsu whereas he had no problem with him doing it. LOL. And all those homoerotic posters. What do you think about their sexuality, personally??

6. Why did Kishi had to develop their bond as Soulmates with some unintentional or intentional romantic undertones, if he was eventually going to pair them up with girls??? He easily could've gave many such romantic tropes to other girls and keep the bond between N and S as purely friendship or brothers. It still would've made sense.

7. Final one, Was Naruto really Nosebleeding when Kurama made a joke about Sasuke's kiss in Chapter 572???? We had a lot of heated discussion with other shippers where they claim that it was just a splotch of snot.

Sorry for the lengthy ask....... I am so eager to know your answers and I don't want to spam your ask box by sending multiple asks.

Thanks 😊😊😊

Hey yo! Welcome new SNS fan! I'm so glad that you joined us and I'll try to answer as best as I can. I'm not very active here on tumblr (except browsing lol) but your ask was such a delight to read.

1. I honestly don't remember. I think I didn't follow the japanese boards until the eventual 699-700 disaster. People were craving for reactions and I was curious about it too lol. And well...it's been years, I doubt I'll be able to find the reactions from that time. Imo, most readers don't care much about pairings, they just wanted to read about power-ups and abilities and the basic Naruto Vs Sasuke. Though there are some backhanded jokes about how gay Naruto is for Sasuke.

2. Hah. It's going to be very anti-climatic but it was when Naruto and Sakura were eating in Ichiraku Ramen. Naruto just used Rasenshuriken against Kakuzu and he busted his arm. Sakura was healing his arm and her attention was focused on Naruto. I used to be a NaruSaku shipper so I thought "Oh hey! This is the moment that Naruto would have a candid romantic moment!" But nope. He talked about Sasuke. And I was already getting suspicious about Sasuke's feelings towards Naruto ya know? And the whole "SASUKE IS MIINEEEEEE" in Orochimaru's lair. It was that moment I thought "you only have Sasuke in your head don't you, Naruto?" and started shipping SNS.

3. Hooo boy was I surprised when it was suddenly revealed that they had the basic heteronormative, boring marriage with bunch of clones of themselves. Everyone thought that it was almost like a bad fanfiction come true and some thought that it was fake. It was a pandemonium lolololol. I also thought that it was too lame to be true and lo and behold, when it came true I was floored. And then whenever Kishimoto threw new material, I got insanely pissed off because S*arada and B*ruto becoming pairing material is ok because they are a girl and a boy, and then they paralleled with Naruto and Sasuke which are only FRIENDS because they are both men. ARGH. Open ending was what Kishimoto planned from the very beginning but wrote a sequel to earn more money.

In that aspect, I made peace with it because of the whole anime/manga industry. I learned that, as a mangaka, you don't earn a lot of money with selling books, but rather with merchandise and profiting with sales right. And that guy have a family to raise, have two kids (which is hilarious about how B*ruto movie is his self-insert story), he needs a steady income. Also, I read reports about how anime studios are so poor and animators don't receive a decent income not to mention they are overstaffed and tired, and B*ruto is a good money cow for them to earn money so they can invest later on other anime they have more passion about it. So even though I hate this story with a strength of thousands suns, they are putting meal on people's tables and making them pay rents. I'm ok.

4. Lemme roll my eyes because in the Last movie they said that Hinata is related to Kaguya and so is the Uzumaki and Uchiha clan so they are all related woo hoo. But in the aspect of brothers because reincarnations bla bla bla, didn't Naruto himself said that he's no longer that brother, he's himself? Hmm...I gotta re-read it. One day. Maybe. lol. But I'm sure that he said "Sasuke is not my brother but I'm sure we'll understand well as friends" so there. Honestly, there are a lot of interviews out there and a lot of them are fake, so I'd always take the interviews with a grain of salt lololol. I do know from artbooks that Kishimoto wanted to create Sasuke as a rival-esque character and that was it. As he was developing Sasuke and Naruto's relationship, since he liked the whole yin-yang concept, whenever he wrote Naruto's story, Sasuke's was developed at the same time as his shadow.

5. I can tell from Naruto Forums (I used to participate back in that day) MOST of the non-shippers thought it was gay as hell, but you know...it was a relic of that time. While they thought it was gay, they didn't put too much thought about you know? Because it was shounen, and we knew that it was a joke that it couldn't be taken seriously. Of course, in the SNS fandom, we did make more analysis and there were a lot of instance when Naruto and Sasuke's sexuality was questioned. Some other non-shippers also thought that Naruto was totes gay for Sasuke (including a IRL friend).

Imo, Naruto is definitely bisexual in my view. Sasuke I think he's asexual or gay. He's attracted to Naruto, but mostly because of his connection to him, not because of his physical attributes, so yeah...asexual. Or Pansexual. Sasuke is more complicated lmao. Imo, Naruto could be pansexual too, come to think about it. Yeah, I guess both being pansexual can be valid.

6. He developed Naruto and Sasuke being soulmates from the very beginning, that was proven in his comments in artbooks and in the manga. He probably created with the intention of making it purely platonic, going beyond physical ties. Then he shot himself on the foot by drawing Naruto thinking about Sasuke on bed, talking about how Sasuke is cool, meanwhile Sasuke waxing poetic about how Naruto saved him. What gives? Lol. Yeah, I think he got too enamored writing their relationship that he didn't have time to write romantic ones. What I noticed that Sakura's popularity never was really high, so I could see some editors putting their fingers all over it and making her less relevant. Also, Kishimoto didn't know how to handle her, so when she got her time to shine was the whole fake confession disaster. Coupled with Kishimoto sexism and, in his words (Kurenai's flashback), women are useful to spout more babies, women was never really relevant in his story, unfortunately. Even Kaguya who was technically the big bad boss, was never really fleshed out in comparison to Madara. So the null het romantic moments it's not because he wanted to elevate SNS moments, it's more about how he's incompetent about it. It's either Hinata slowly elevating to a relevant status because forced interaction (Pain's sacrifice and Neji's death) or Sakura being obligated to be pining over Sasuke because she's a girl. It's even more painful to see that, if we ignore B*ruto, both girls are shown to be just talking with their kids and dusting shelves, basically being housewives, even though thorough the story (especially Sakura) it was implied that both of them have much more potential than being their husband accessories.

7. It was a splotch of snot. I can confirm myself lol. Whenever the chapter is out and fans would scan it to scanlate it, the editor usually would amp up contrast to max. So usually the lines get much more thicker than usual, when you read the official release which gets straight from the source, you can notice how the lines are more delicate.

Oh lol...but then we also have a lot of controversy about translating style. THAT one is a whole new can of worms to open.

Man I had fun answering your questions! Please send more :P

[jojotichakorn]

people do be acting like asian media is the only one that lumps all queer cinema together under one label , as if all 200 newspaper sites weren’t calling god’s own country “ the british brokeback mountain “ , even though there is absolutely nothing in common between the two , except that they are both ( very broadly speaking ) about two gay men on a farm . 

people do be latching onto words and letting the west get away with it because the category is “ woke “ and calls itself “ lgbtq cinema “ instead of “ bls “ or whatever . even though 60% of all that “ lgbtq cinema “ is just a random love story between two cis white able-bodied neurotypical men ( who are likely both gay , or one of whom is perhaps bi or pan , but with an additional joy of biphobia or panphobia on the side )  , with no fucking queer people in sight in the cast or crew . and the majority of the remaining 40% is still the same old love story between two cis white able-bodied neurotypical men  ( who are likely both gay , or one of whom is perhaps bi or pan , but with an additional joy of biphobia or panphobia on the side ) , except maybe they got like one of the characters to be played by a gay actor , which thanks i guess .

and people do be acting like that bullshit is all valid attempts at queer cinema , while what is labeled as “ bls “ ( simply because that’s how it started and that’s where it’s at right now ) is garbage and has nothing to do with queer people , as if we are not getting more and more “ bls “ directed by queer people and/or with queer people in the cast , discussing queer issues and targeted specifically at our community .

and people do be acting like stereotypes about queer people are only perpetuated in bls ( which - may i remind you - is basically just fucking asian queer cinema , with the exception of a couple of gls that i can probably count on the fingers of just one of my hands and the equivalent to which is just as rare in the west btw ) , as if the majority of western queer cinema doesn’t rely on queer torture porn and doesn’t have terrible endings that reinforce the idea that queer people can never be truly happy , in addition to many other problems . 

like , it would be nice to get rid of the bl label , because it is redundant , but - looking at the western queer cinema - the label is clearly not the fucking problem . and getting rid of it will sure as hell not magically fix the misogyny or the lack of representation for someone other than mlm , etc. . and i say that as a trans non-binary asexual , who can run about looking for rep in what’s called “ lgbtq cinema “ or what’s called “ bls “ and won’t find any from either in equal measure .

queer cinema is not perfect anywhere . not in the west and not in the east . not when it’s labeled as “ lgbtq cinema “ and not when it’s labeled as “ bl “ . we have a fucking gigantic way to go to get to even as little as half of all queer cinema to be genuinely good and to have genuinely good representation in all areas . but watching any bullshit that’s produced in the us just because it’s wokely called queer or lgbtq , but not giving a fighting fucking chance to anything produced in asia because “ haha cringy bls “ is fucking bullshit . 

asian media is just as capable of producing fantastic queer cinema , even if ( at the moment ) they call it differently ( and they DO produce fantastic queer cinema , and the farther we go , the better it gets and the more good shows and movies we get ) . and the western media is just as capable of targeting their mlm shows and movies at straight girls ( who have always fetishized queer men just as much as straight men fetishized queer women - fucking everywhere , y’all do be acting like that’s something specific to asia , which it’s NOT ) . 

like not to namedrop , but some of you do legit think that a torture porn movie written by a straight woman with no queer people involved or the movie where a grown fucking adult man prays on an underage boy is the pinnacle of queer cinema , but you look at anything that’s technically called a bl and you go “ ew no “ without even trying to find out anything about it , much less giving it a chance ? from the very bottom of my heart - fuck off .

[everlarkficexchange]

All the World's a Stage

Prompt 31: “We never see you two so much as kiss in public but last night we all heard you having sex.” Submitted by Buttercupbadass

Rated E (Explicit): Mainly for language because Johanna is a potty mouth and so are other certain characters whilst mid coitus okay I don’t make the rules here so there’s more than one f-bomb therefore we rate it E. Also sexual content.

Written by: @katnissdoesnotfollowback

Beta reading by: @stjohn27

************************

Act 1

Johanna Mason loves her neighbors. That is to say, she loves the entertainment they provide her with. It’s a rotating show of fabulous, ridiculous, and delicious drama, and she has a window to each and every one of their lives. Literally.

Victor’s Square is not exactly a square. It’s more of an elongated rectangle shaped building consisting of thirteen apartments, a workout room, a community center, and an office, with a hollowed out central area for a pool. Honestly, the pool is the reason she picked this place instead of The Arbor, which is pretty damn swanky but somehow they forgot to include a pool, of all things, when they added their five thousand luxury amenities. Since Johanna likes sunbathing and not golfing (ugh boring!), Victor’s Square won out.

The three story design of the building, and her luck in snagging the single apartment on top of the office, means that at some point in the day, barring sun glare on glass or inconvenient curtains, she can see directly into every other apartment on the rectangle. Hence the entertainment.

She’s been privy to all sorts of great shit, and none of them seem to know exactly what they’ve given her. The best part is, they’re clueless. As soon as she realized they were basically living their lives on a stage for her, Johanna started parading around her own place with the curtains wide open…while naked. Stark fucking naked. Just to see what would happen.

And nothing changed. No one complained. Which granted, she’s got a banging body. Axe wielding will do that, but she can think of at least half a dozen residents who’d be put off by her exhibitionism. And yet… nothing. No one started suspiciously keeping their curtains or blinds closed when they hadn’t before. Since they’re all too dumb to figure out that their lives are her parade, she just popped the popcorn and settled in for the show.

Tonight, however, Johanna is in no mood for the show. After a late night shift ending a bitch of a week, all she’s in the mood to do is swim a few laps to get the grime off of her skin then lay back in one of the lounge chairs around the pool, listening to the hum of the air conditioners in the sweltering Carolina night, swatting at the mosquitos because she’s too damn lazy to light the citronella torches, and stare up at the rectangle of starry sky she can see.

It’s quiet tonight. She swims her laps, and it works wonders to relax her tired bones and even more tired soul. After, she lays out on one of the squeaky lounge chairs. The hum and the warm air make her drowsy. Inevitably, she begins to doze, with only a vague awareness of the passage of time and the sounds around her.

It’s the loud click and the whoosh that wakes her. Just for a moment. Not long enough to place it at all before she fades back out into half slumber. 

Her psyche is a bitch tonight, dropping long breathy moans into her dreams. The sex so good you can’t quite keep it in kind of moans, even though you’re trying. Completely aware that she messed up a truly great thing just days ago, she tells her subconcious to fuck off and stop reminding her of the one she let get away. Because she was stubborn. Unfortunately, her subconscious is not listening to her. Stupid fucker.

Scrunching up her nose, she refuses to move. She’s sticky with sweat and pretty sure that she’ll lose two layers of skin off her back and thighs when she goes to stand up from the lounge. Besides, there’s a low moaning noise that makes her wonder if maybe she wasn’t actually dreaming those sex sounds. 

The moans in her mind grow louder and slightly more frantic until she can place the heavy feeling in her limbs. She’s awake after too little sleep. 

Damn it. She’s not actually dreaming this shit. Which means one of her neighbors is on the brink of a seriously great orgasm. She’s not sure if she’s annoyed by the fact that she herself hasn’t had decent sex in far too long, or if she’s amused at yet another dramatic chapter in life at Victor’s Square.

The real question is… who’s doing the nasty tonight?

Act 2

A slight shiver and a thrill goes through Johanna as she finally opens her eyes and stares up at the canvas of stars above her.

Another moan ends in a slight squeal and fuck it, Johanna is hooked on the mystery. Shame she doesn’t have any popcorn down here, because given the sheer volume, and the way the sounds are magnified by the shape of the rectangle around the pool, she’s pretty sure whoever it is, they’re fucking with the windows open.

Kinky.

And a lot more interesting than her job. She does a happy little shimmy and settles in to guess who it possibly could be. First things first… she glances around the pool and discovers to her dismay that every apartment has at least one window open, but they’re all dark. Not surprising given that it’s well past midnight. But it’s unfortunately unhelpful. The air conditioner must be out again. That’s probably what that loud noise was earlier.

She closes her eyes again, hoping to pinpoint the direction of the sounds to figure out which of her neighbors is getting lucky tonight. But the shape of the building makes it impossible. Sounds just carry weird in this rectangular bullhorn. They could be coming from anywhere.

“Ung, yeah, right there… oh-oooooh!” The last sound is hitched and breathy. That’s a woman’s voice, Johanna thinks. 

“Yes. Don’t — don’t stop! – I –” The word is pinched off in a desperate sort of ecstasy and Johanna smiles. This could be fun.

It can’t be Caesar and Claudius, the two radio talk show hosts who live in apartment 6. They’re gay. And men. And a couple. But truthfully, she’s not at all disappointed that she can rule them out. She already knows more than she’d like to admit about their sexual habits. Usually she’s not one to kink shame, but electrodes on nipples is a little too close to the realm of torture for her tastes.

“Yes! Please!” the woman begs and Johanna feels her body flush with the erotic sounds, she’s half aroused but fully invested in figuring out who this is. She could of course, get up and walk around to triangulate the sound, but what’s the fun in that?

She quickly rules out Mags in apartment 5. She’s the sweetest old lady, surprisingly spritely. From what Johanna has seen from old pictures of her, Mags was a fucking dish in her youth, but now she’s gotta be pushing ninety. Besides the wrinkles (shudder), Johanna would be worried about heart failure if Mags were the one getting her boots knocked around with this much vigor.

The long moans shift to the choppy, catch breath ones that mean she’s close, whoever the lucky bitch is.

Cinna in apartment 3 is out. He’s ace. Asexual and aromantic. Claims that he’s in a love affair with his work. Well if she could design clothes like the ones Cinna does, Johanna would be willing to give up sex too. She snorts a little and turns her ear, hoping for a better angle on the sound. She’s pretty sure it’s coming from one of the upstairs apartments, but can’t be sure.

Whoever it is, she lets fly a single high pitched note. And then a long stuttering moan that just sounds exactly how it feels to come back down from a really good orgasm. Satisfied, relieved, a little sleepy and a whole lotta euphoric. 

Lucky bitch, Johanna thinks again. Her legs feel heavy and her toes tingle in empathy.

Now if only she could catch something of the partner’s noises…unless the woman is masturbating. Possible, but the directions to not stop earlier make it less likely.

A low pitched murmur and a deep masculine laugh helpfully nix that thought almost as soon as Johanna has it. 

Not flying solo, but also Johanna can now rule out Enobaria and Lyme from apartment 2. She’s never understood them exactly. On the surface, you’d think they’d be perfect for one another. Their personalities mesh in a weird kinda way. Enobaria is louder while Lyme is more dignified, but they’re so often bickering about politics… and the truth is, they have an open relationship.

Or at least Johanna assumes they do based on the number of not-Lyme women Enobaria has entertained shoved up against the glass door leading to their balcony…but if not, Johanna is perfectly willing to offer up herself as a rebound to Lyme when the inevitable shit hits the fan. That woman is built like a house and fucking sexy in a domineering sort of way. Like Brienne of Tarth hotness.

She can order me to submit anytime she wants, Johanna thinks with a smirk.

As if confirming her thoughts, a long deep moan drifts down to her ears, slow and almost silky. Delighted and yet a little astonished, like he can’t quite believe his luck. Definitely a dude. Blowjob or penetration? Either way, this guy’s pent up, she thinks. She’s also guessing that the girl’s orgasm was from fingering or cunnilingus, which means the show is not anywhere near to being done.

There’s only so many people left who it could be…

Her phone vibrates on her chest and she finally opens her eyes again, lifting it above her face and squinting at the overly bright screen.

Finnick: I can’t believe you’re sleeping on this. Do you hear this?!

Johanna frowns. The time stamp is right now. Which rules out Finnick and Annie in apartment 4. Damn it. They were the most obvious choice for a man-woman pairing going at it with this much abandon, and while Johanna is pretty sure they have mind numbingly, porn worthy good sex, they’re unfortunately discreet about it. 

It’s maddening.

Whenever she talks about Finnick and Annie, Johanna’s therapist always hums that way therapists sometimes do when they know you’re engaging in something destructive or unhealthy — such as a minor obsession with your best friend’s love and sex life — but the therapist wants you to figure it out on your own. Johanna can’t help it. Finnick’s a walking sexual fantasy for almost every woman out there. Even her lesbian friends find him hot. And Annie’s gorgeous. Johanna can’t help it if she not so secretly wants them to sandwich her. She’s got a good strap on that Annie could borrow to get it done.

But alas, or maybe fortunately, Finnick’s text eliminates them as the current lucky couple. Pity. She was hoping for something new to add to her spank bank.

Johanna: Where are you?

Finnick: Well we were asleep.

Johanna: Boring. You could be giving them competition.

As if to punctuate her point, a steady cadence of low, slow moans begins filling the air. They weave through the humidity and now Johanna is just angry.

Johanna: Do you know who it is? 

Finnick: Nope. I have my theories…

Johanna: Ugh spare me. 

There’s three potential couples left, and of those three, Johanna’s got a good guess who Finnick thinks it is, or at least wants it to be.

Johanna: I’ll gouge out my eyes if it’s them.

Finnick: Say it. Call them the name.

Johanna: I’m not using that stupid nickname, you absolute child

Finnick: Like you’re any better. 

“Fuck fuck fuck, stop. You’re gonna make me come,” the lucky man gasps. The woman must say something because he chuckles and whispers back to her, the tone traveling if not the words.  Johanna sets her phone down then, perked up by shuffling noises that sound maybe like a position change. 

So who is left…

There’s Haymitch and Effie. Those two… residents of apartments 9 and 11 respectively…they pretend like they hate one another, and maybe they really do. While Johanna enjoys their epic fights, she’s not overly fond of their making up sessions. She’s pretty sure Effie was some kind of tantric goddess or pretzel in another life with the way that woman can bend.

It’s…unnatural.

Her phone vibrates again and Johanna lifts it in front of her face, this time it’s a notification from Facebook, sent out to all the residents in the group.

Effie: I have already filed a complaint with Mr. Heavensbee in regards to the broken a/c. He says there will be a repairman here first thing in the morning. In the meantime, we should all attempt to be cordial in our behaviors and not disturb the other residents since all will likely have the windows open for the night.

A text almost immediately after let’s Johanna know what her friend thinks of that.

Finnick: Where’s your sense of fun, Effie?

Johanna bites back a snort. Although the notice does rule out the exuberant woman as a candidate for Porn Queen tonight, so Johanna texts Finnick again.

Johanna: My money is on Cashmere and Gloss

Johanna sends the text and waits for the response. She’s not disappointed. She cackles internally at the flood of barf emojis and angry exclamations she gets back. Cashmere and Gloss of apartment 1, or as Johanna likes to call them, The Lannisters. Because they may be brother and sister, but they’re totally doing the nasty. Really nasty.

No one believes Johanna about this, though, and she’s not about to tell the other residents how she knows it’s a fact, not just some cockamamy theory of hers. People get pushed off walls for things like that. 

Not to mention then they’d all figure out that she can see into their apartments as well and there goes that bit of fun. 

“Fuck,” the lucky dude draws the word out into almost a croak, and there’s a soft sigh from her.

Finnick: Something is wrong with you

Johanna: Do you think he’s well hung? Whoever he is?

Finnick: Who cares as long as he knows how to use it?

Johanna shakes her head at this, easily able to picture her friend wiggling his eyebrows. 

Johanna: He sounds well hung. It could still be Haymitch, sans Effie

After all, Haymitch isn’t officially tied down, and at the last residence brunch, Peeta’s good friend Delly was visiting and wasn’t at all subtle about her attraction to Haymitch. The girl was deceptively sweet, bubbly and innocent, but with those knockers on her chest and the way she kept laughing at Haymitch’s worst jokes, Johanna is pretty sure Delly has a thing for the much older man.

Finnick: I’m going to ignore your obsession with Haymitch’s junk for now. And also nope. Annie says she can see Haymitch through our window, sitting on his balcony, drinking.

Finnick: Alone.

Well damn. There goes that theory. Just to be sure, Johanna turns her head and cranes her neck. Sure enough, Haymitch sits on his balcony, lounged back in his chair with a glass in hand. After a second or two, he must feel eyes on him because he looks down towards Johanna and lifts the glass in toast.

Which is when the wall pounding begins and the lucky man’s moans start to grow out of control. Damn. They’re really into it now. 

Finnick: You know I’m right

Johanna: You’re ridiculous.

Finnick: It’s Peeniss. How much you wanna bet?

Johanna rolls her eyes and shakes her head. Finnick has some crazy theory that Peeta Mellark, baker and all around way too nice guy of apartment 8 is somehow secretly dating Katniss-I-Will-Shoot-You-If-You-Touch-Me-Everdeen of apartment 12. Not that the girl doesn’t need a good fuck. If anyone is desperately in need of a body shaking, mind blowing, toe curling orgasm, like the one currently building in the summer night, it’s that perpetually scowling and uptight bitch. 

Johanna just seriously doubts that the woman now moaning in cadence with the steady headboard thumps and the increasing volume is Katniss. She sounds way too into it, relaxed. Whoever she is, she’s getting nailed five ways to Sunday and is ecstatic about it.

It could be one of Katniss’ lovely roommates. Katniss lives with her younger sister and one of her best friends, Madge Undersee, in apartment 12. They’re crammed into it somehow… but before Johanna can suggest it to Finnick, she dismisses the idea. 

Prim’s at college, left three days ago…so it won’t be her. Shame. She’s been living under her big sister’s overprotective arch so long that the poor girl has got some catching up to do in the sex arena. College will be good for that, but it means she’s not the woman–

“Fuck yeah.” A resounding slap and the accompanying whimper make Johanna’s eyes go wide. “Lift that ass for me. Fuck yourself on my cock. Love it when you do that.”

Whoa. Okay.

It could be Madge. Or Gale who lives right next door in apartment 13, but they’re almost as unlikely candidates as Katniss. Johanna is pretty sure Madge is a lesbian. Closeted still, unfortunately, because Johanna wouldn’t mind burying her face between those creamy thighs. And Gale… well it could be Gale, Johanna supposes, with some lucky girl who doesn’t live in Victor’s Square. 

Maybe Delly.

Shame it’s not me, Johanna thinks and risks stretching a little. It has been her before, in her own apartment, because while Gale is usually down to fuck, he’s never down to doing it in his apartment. 

That’s because he’s got a massive boner for Katniss and isn’t willing to risk her knowing that he fucks around with at least half a dozen girls that are not Katniss. Masochist. That’s what Gale is. But it’s also why Johanna doubts that Gale is the guy currently balls deep in ecstasy. He’s too loud for someone who wants to keep his sex life secret from his neighbor.

As for Peeta…well it could be Peeta with a girl who isn’t Katniss. He’s handsome and sweet enough to get plenty of pussy, if he tried—

“No! Don’t stop!”

“You don’t get to come again just yet,” the man growls and Johanna automatically clenches her thighs at the commanding tone.

More shuffling and grunting. One yelp from her, then the pounding resumes. And doesn’t let up.

“Harder!”

Faster and faster, his moans keeping pace. The resounding slapping of skin.

 “Gonna – gonna!”

A chorus of “yes’s” and desperate pleas.

“Fucking yes! Peeta!”

Her phone goes off with a stupid amount of speed.

Finnick: I TOLD YOU!!!! 

Johanna types madly at this. 

Johanna: So it’s not the Lannisters, but that doesn’t mean it’s Katniss up there with Peeta. 

Finnick: Oh come on! Who else could it be? You know he’s got it bad for her!

Okay yeah, there is that. There’s also the fact that Johanna shouldn’t be so bitter about this. Just like Katniss is in dire need of a good fuck, so is Peeta. But based on the sounds and the things they said…

Whoever she is, she’s still squealing and the thumping hasn’t let up yet. Damn that’s a long orgasm, Johanna thinks with more than a little jealousy.

“Come for me. Fucking come inside me. Now. Peeta!” 

Those aren’t the words of a sexually frustrated prude talking, Johanna wants to say. Nor are they words of a couple going at it for the first time. Nope. This couple is way too comfortable with each other for it to be a first time. This couple has fucked before. Maybe often.

Go baker boy, Johanna wants to say, but she can’t imagine who he’s with. He hasn’t so much as brought a date home in a year.

A series of texts from Finnick crop up on her phone. Flame emojis and winking faces. An eggplant or two and the three drops of water people use to represent cum. Johanna slouches in her chair, a little miffed that she can’t shut Finnick up yet until…

There’s a deep growling, animalistic sound. A long string of curse words mixed with moans and then— 

“Katniss. Fuuuuuuuuck.”

The curse word takes him about a minute to get out all the way. Damn it, Johanna thinks. Now Finnick will be impossible to live with. She can’t even look at her phone as it blows up again, knowing that he’ll be gloating. Instead she turns it off. 

As carefully as she can, Johanna peels herself off the lounge chair and tiptoes towards the stairs, intent on reaching her own balcony. Not because it sits caddy corner to Peeta’s apartment and if they’re in his room, it’ll be easier for her to hear any pillow talk. Not at all.

She hurries and nearly gives herself away with the door, but manages it. She stands in the shadows of her balcony and nearly chokes on her tongue at the first thing she hears, besides the unmistakable sounds of coming down thrusts or sucks, maybe kissing, quiet aftermath moans.

“Hold still. I’m not done.”

“Feels too good,” he pants. “Can’t take much more, Katniss.” 

“Mmm, you’ll take it and you’ll like it.”

“Yeah, I will,” he says and she giggles. 

“Are you braiding my hair?”

“Can’t help it. You look so gorgeous sucking yourself off my dick… I can stop…”

“No… go ahead.”

Another few seconds of suction noises and then Peeta sighs in relief.

There’s the fwump and creak of a bed under weight. Johanna can practically see them all cuddled up like a cute little couple in his bed. Sighing and kissing and caressing in their afterglow. 

Disgusting.

“Such a cute ass, and all mine,” Katniss says and there’s a slap then a gasp.

Fucking hell, Johanna thinks, eyes bulging out of her head.

Who would’ve thought the two of them would be so wild in bed? Who would’ve thought they were actually fucking each other?

Johanna wrinkles her nose then, finally forcing herself to go inside her own place. Just out of curiosity, though, she chances one last peek at Peeta’s place. The curtains are drawn, but a helpful gust sucks them out the window just long enough for Johanna to catch a glimpse of two naked bodies on his bed, illuminated in the soft glow of a lamp. Katniss with her head tipped over the edge in the direction of the window and a smile on her face as Peeta kisses a lazy path over her body. Her fingers plucking absently at the tangled sheets.

Well damn and fuck.

Johanna heads to bed after that and prepares a salvo of taunting for tomorrow morning. There’s no way she’s letting something this juicy go unremarked upon, especially since literally everyone who was home would’ve heard it.

Act 3

In the morning, Johanna is up early and down at the community center well before the once a month residents’ brunch that Effie insists on hosting. Poor thing is pinch faced and pale this morning, flummoxed when Johanna offers to help set up.

“I suppose. Since no one else appears to be out and about yet. Nothing funny with the vegetables this time,” Effie chastises and Johanna salutes. She’s got better things planned than erotic displays with the produce.

Honestly, she couldn’t care less about the flower arrangements or the energy inherent in the order of food laid out on the table. Helping Effie this morning affords her a prime view through the community center windows of each stairwell and of everyone arriving this morning.

And not just for brunch, she thinks with a smirk as she spots Gale, still wearing his work shirt, sneaking up a stairwell towards apartment 13. 

Where have you been all night? Johanna wonders. Not with Katniss, the girl he’s so obviously got the hots for. Even better for the impending drama. She wonders if he’ll find his neighbors present or if Katniss is still cozied up with Peeta in post coital bliss. They’re probably totally morning sex people, Johanna decides.

Slow, sweet morning sex with loving words. Ugh, gag me, Johanna rolls her eyes at her own thoughts.

Preparations move swiftly after that, even with Effie on her case every few minutes. The pending drama is just too great to dampen her mood.

Peeta’s one of the first to arrive, conspicuously alone. He chats with Johanna for a few minutes, friendly as always, and then moves off as more of the residents arrive.

It takes everything in Johanna’s energy reserve to not throw something at the back of his head. He acts like he didn’t have the fuck of his life last night. It befuddles her and also infuriates her because it means Finnick could be right. 

Oh my god, Finnick could be right about them! They might actually be dating. Who’s to say they aren’t if they can keep their sex life together such a secret. If the air conditioner hadn’t failed…

Peeta’s nonchalance this morning throws all her arguments against Finnick’s stupid Peeniss theories out the window. How is that even possible? She had Peeta pegged as a total softie. Hand holding, nose rubbing, and obnoxiously cute, borderline clingy PDA type of guy, not a rail you into the bed then pretend I don’t even know you the next morning type of guy.

Huh. Pegging. Wonder if he’s into that, Johanna thinks then has to forcibly shake the image out of her head. Because not only does it make sense in a way, but the image is also…sexy as fuck. And she doesn’t need yet another happy dappy ass couple to fantasize about and maker her therapist hum at her in that knowing way.

Fuck Finnick and his stupid theories.

When the tenants of apartments 12 and 13 finally arrive together, Madge splits off to talk to Mags. Gale and Katniss are both suspiciously wet haired. If Johanna didn’t know any better, she’d guess that they were the culprits last night, especially when Katniss doesn’t even so much as look in Peeta’s direction.

Her cheeks are flushed, but she’s avoiding her fuck buddy, talking to literally everyone else, twisting the damp ends of her braid around her finger.

“What do you make of it?” Johanna asks Finnick, bumping her hip into his. He shrugs, with that insufferable smirk on his face that he always gets whenever he’s right.

For two people who were so clearly intimate last night, Katniss and Peeta are doing a pretty good job of acting like the other one doesn’t even exist.

“They’re just… both very private people. But the signs are all there for anyone paying attention.”

“But that’s the thing… the signs aren’t there!” Johanna protests. What game are they playing, she wonders.

“I just don’t get it,” Johanna says and Finnick glances down at her.

“What?”

She waves her hands at Peeta, who looks for all the world like he’s fascinated by whatever Caesar is talking about. But why would he be when Katniss is literally right there.

“They act like nothing happened.”

“Well we know something happened,” Finnick says conspiratorially. Then his smile slips. “Actually, everyone here knows about it.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah. Apparently everyone was home last night…”

“Not Gale,” Johanna adds and lifts one eyebrow. Finnick’s eyes go wide and his mouth turns round.

“Oh my. Delicious.”

“Isn’t it?”Johanna says. “But still… you wouldn’t guess it from the way they act.”

“They can’t stop looking at each other.”

Johanna turns her head and motions at them. Absolutely not looking at one another.

“Are not.”

“You missed it. Gotta be quick with these two.”

Johanna shakes her head as she watches Katniss, and Gale who is placing some kind of food on her plate. She’s nodding and listening to him but subtly shifting the food off to the side of her plate while picking up something else and nibbling on it straight away.

And finally, Johanna can’t take it anymore. She stomps over to the tables and loads up her own plate, absolutely not eavesdropping on their conversation.

“Thought you were gonna text me when you got off work?” Gale says.

“Oh. Something came up… Prim. Prim needed to talk.”

“Everything alright?” Gale asks.

And this time, Johanna just catches the quick dart of gray eyes towards blue. Peeta’s shy smile. Katniss’ swift flutter of lashes and nibble on her bottom lip before returning her attention to Gale.

“It is now.”

“Usually is after a seriously good orgasm or two. And by the way, that’s low, using your baby sister as an excuse,” Johanna snorts. She doesn’t mean to, but it just sort of slips out.

Katniss whips around to face her. Dark rouge staining her high cheekbones and her lips pinched together.

“My sister isn’t an excuse.”

“Oh please. Cut the crap.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Katniss hisses.

“I’m talking about the fact that we never see the two of you so much as kiss or even hold hands in public, but last night, I heard you having sex. Loud sex. Phenomenal, shake the rafters loud, sex.” Johanna smirks at the pair of stunned faces looking at her. And the dozen curious faces plus Peeta’s mortified one. All of them focused on her. Center stage, she thinks with a grin and waves a half eaten croissant around at the gathered crowd. “We all heard you. Except for Gale here who was probably out getting consolation tail since you didn’t text him. Really, Brainless, what do you expect if you and baker boy are gonna bang with the windows open?”

There’s ten seconds of stunned silence before Finnick shouts, “I figured it out first, by the way!” Then he grunts as Annie elbows him in the gut.

“Baker boy?” Gale practically growls and Johanna sashays away as Peeta steps over to stand behind a now scowling Katniss. Her hand clenches into a fist as she faces Gale. She leans back against Peeta’s chest, as if she knows he’s there before she even sees him. Good for her. At least she’s not going to shy away from it. But now they’re going to be every bit as insufferably disgusting as Finnick and Annie are.

Love’s a bitch, oh well. Time for that popcorn, Johanna thinks.

[thesaunatest]

breaking down the new leak bc i havent seen NEARLY ENOUGH discussion. ill also be ranking each section with how likely i think it is of actually happen, with 0 being impossible and 10 being confirmed

according to the leaker, these are the titles of the episodes. im going to give this a 4/10 just because these dont fit the vibe of stranger things, and dont even really mesh together the way episode titles have in the other seasons. plus, they changed the season 3 episode titles after they were announced, so other than ‘the hellfire club’ i dont think anything is set in stone

well no shit. we’ve already seen the calendar from inside the school, plus their clothes fit with spring 10/10 this is happening

i will give this a 6 because i do think we will get continuous flashbacks from hopper, but i dont think he lost his memory from brain washing. i just dont think that would fit with the flow of the series

this one was actually funny bc what the fuck is a weed addict. im fully on board with the theory that the byers moved to california, fully believe jonathan is a habitual smoker through argyle, and it would make sense for el to be getting bullied. i actually think will fits in better in california than he did in hawkins, and if the casting rumors are true about them looking for teenage boys for hockey extras, maybe will is on the team. thats a longggg maybe, so i give this theory an 8

yeah. this was a giveaway from the news clip at the end of season 3, in the same way that owen’s speech to nancy and jonathan in season 2 was a giveaway to season 3. i give it a 10

if it takes place in the 85/86 school year then yeah, the timeline of grades adds up. everything about eddie checks out, we already know mike and lucas are on the club, and based off of jasons audition tape, id be pretty sure that lucas is on the basketball team, although i do think the track team will have some relevance to the plot. and poor max :((((, it checks out with mrs kelly’s audition tape. i give this one a 9

yes, will’s birthday is attached to spring break, maybe he invited everyone???? idk, i get that the party would want to have a reunion but realistically why would he invite everyone??? i doubt they would have enough space for all of them, plus i dont think we’ve ever seen will talk to max. also, would karen really leave holly behind?? would ted really be okay with that??? i love the idea of karen having a bigger role but its just not realistic. its more likely that nancy and mike were planning on going on their own, nancy has to back out last minute, and mike argues that it isnt fair for him to miss the trip because of nancy, so they let him go alone. i really dont see jancy as the couple to break up and then get back together so if theyre over, theyre over and i dont think they would break up with a whole season left. lucas and max..... yeah they break up. no clue if theyll get back together or not. will is not coming out as asexual, he would come out as gay if anything. and there go my robin/kali dreams. mike and el are not having an implied sex scene. that is not happening. all of lucas’ subplot seems likely. i give this one a 5

yes this is extremely likely. 9.

not the best look for stranger things to have 8 new men written into the plot, while all the new girls get killed off. oh well, the all male writers room strikes again. i guess they had to make steve fit into the plot somehow. also, how would they be together at first when theyre split in 3 different locations at first????? and wouldnt they all get together in the end when joyce and murray bring hopper back from hawkins??? giving this a 5

and why would erica do that???? this just doesnt make any sense to me because everyone who is fully aware of the events is part of the main cast, and not even all of the main cast know. itjust doent make sense for erica to do that, i just dont see it happening. as for steve and dustin, yeah obviously. 5

continuing this in part 2

[pointlesstrashyexistence]

Ammonite - Just Because We Want Historical WLW Rep Doesn’t Mean You Should Intentionally, Innacurately, Retell The Story of Someone’s Life

So I see some people talking about how Lee is a gay man and has made another movie about queer relationships with great sensitivity. I haven’t seen it yet, but I feel like people are missing the big picture using this as an excuse. The problem isn’t so much that Lee is a man as gay men also understand what it’s like to be fetishized and oversexualized. The problem is that at the end of the day, Ammonite is a Hollywood movie, and Hollywood movies are generally made for white, cis, straight audiences, no matter how much the director tries to stray from this. Even though it’s being made and largely produced in Britain, it’s being distributed by Lionsgate, which isn’t going to risk this movie not doing well. Let’s then compare it to its predecessor, POALOF, a non-Hollywood movie about two women in love, directed by a lesbian and featuring at least IRL lesbian actress who understood the importance of their performances and this movie for other queer women. Despite its praise, it got no major noms. Ammonite only just released its trailer and is already an unequivocal Oscar bait movie, in part because of Kate Winslet and, to a lesser degree, Saorsie Ronan. Kate Winslet never stars in any role unless it is undeniable Oscar bait, and for straight actors, LGBT roles played by non-LGBT members are almost always big Oscar roles. Even though Saorsie Ronan identifies as an ally, she’s still a straight women portraying a queer character and she has consistently been nominated for her acting or been in nominated movies. Either way, with straight actors, especially straight female actors portraying queer women, there is always the risk that they oversexualize the characters rather than focus on the relationship. You can have sexual tension, you can have sexually charged scenes where there is no sex. But the first big budget Hollywood movie that is focused on two queer women’s romantic relationship stars two straight women and just had to have a sex scene, because Hollywood still doesn’t know how to stop sexualizing women, and teenaged girls, which means that it also doesn’t understand how to not make images of queer women that aren’t for male consumption.

Also, I haven’t even gotten to the fact that trying to make a biopic about any historical figures that centers around their sexuality is always risky when we’re not sure if they were queer or not. Yes, unless it’s like a police record that has something to do with homosexuality or first hand records written in the diaries or private letters, no one ever has 100% certainty, but that doesn’t mean we immediately jump to assuming they were queer just bc they didn’t marry and were mainly surrounded by their own gender. No one can actually look at the relationship between IRL Mary Anning, played by Winslet, and Charlotte Murchison, played by Ronan, and claim there were romantic undertones that could point to a relationship. And the accuracy of the film already is under question when they for some reason switched the ages of Murchison and Anning so Anning is being played by a woman almost 20 years older than the actress playing Murchison, when in reality Murchison was at least 10 years older than Anning. Also, it’s really weird that the director made Murchison seem unhappy for no reason when she was a rather popular figure, was generally viewed as quite happy despite her chronic health issues, came from money, had a good relationship with her husband as spouses and as professional partners traveling and studying geology, had friends, socialized and played hostess to ensure funding for the sciences, and made a space for herself in academia. And that he made Murchison seemingly unknowledgable in fossils even though she had a maintained collection she purchased and hunted for while on geological studies with her husband that was so impressive parts of it were referenced in later publications. I understand wanting to find figures like yourself, but what might be attempting to completely rewrite the lives of two people who were notably close friends isn’t the answer to finding representation and is probably just as bad as straight people intentionally rewriting the histories of queer relatives so no one actually knew they weren’t straight or cis. Even if the director rightfully claims that history is “straightened” it doesn’t make it any better to purposefully read through lines to find information that likely isn’t there and show it as if it were true.

Anning didn’t have any romantic relationships with men yes, but Anning also didn’t seem to have any romantic relationships at all, with men or women. She was treated as an outcast so often that she stated that “since the world has used me so unkindly, I fear it has made me suspicious of everyone”. So why is this film so focused on the potential and likely fictional romantic life of a woman who notably had no romantic life, heterosexual or homosexual, and her close friend? It would have been just as easy to make Anning asexual and aromantic, explore how even in a society where any sexual act is frowned upon, people are still expected to be sexual and those who aren’t are deemed outcast, and still focus on the budding friendship of two women in related fields bonding over fossil finding, providing an outlet for each other to vent over their frustration of working in traditionally male spaces, and the elder helping the younger open up and realize the world isn’t as bleak as she might believe. I guess the director thought giving a romantic and sexual aspect to her character would make her seem more interesting and 3-dimensional, but an even better way to do that with a historical character is to take the most interesting relationships in that characters life and show the different forms of interaction and appreciation in them. There are just so many problems with this movie that for as well acted and beautiful as it looks, I just don’t know if I can bring myself to actually try and enjoy it when it comes out.

[latter-day-saint-nick]

Here‘s a list of all the books with queer protagonists I’ve read this year. While I do actively seek those out, there are several books on here that I didn’t know had queer themes when I picked them up from the library and then I was pleasantly surprised by lesbians. I‘ll avoid spoilers except when discussing trigger warnings.

 Kaleidoscope Song by Fox Benwell

Neo, a South African teenager, is obsessed with music of any kind. Her love of music brings her together with the singer of a local band and they have a passionate relationship that they must keep secret. The descriptions of Neo‘s life and her tendency to hear music in everything are beautiful and dynamic. The author included a list of the songs Neo is listening to throughout the book, so I was introduced to a lot of cool music from South Africa and other places. TW: Corrective rape and Bury Your Gays. This is a book by a queer (albeit white British, rather than black South African) author writing about a very real problem that exists within our communities, so it feels different to when a cishet author kills off a queer character just for shock value. I still can‘t help feeling that he could have made the same point without having the character die – just have her be injured. Still, I loved pretty much everything else about the book, so it gets a tentative recommendation from me.

The Mermaid’s Daughter by Ann Claycomb

25-year-old opera student Kathleen tries to cope with the constant pain in her feet, nightmares about having her tongue cut out, and desperate yearning for the sea. With the help of her girlfriend Harry she delves into her family history to uncover the secret of a curse spanning generations of women. What’s nice about this book is that Kathleen and Harry’s relationship is accepted by all their family and friends without question, so if you want to read a nice wlw fantasy story with no homophobia, this one’s for you. TW: Some discussion of suicide, but nothing too graphic.

The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth

A teenage lesbian is sent to conversion therapy by her religious aunt. This is basically a coming-of-age story as the title character comes to terms with her identity and the death of her parents. It’s considered an important work of LGBT YA literature, so I really wanted to like it more than I did. Most of the first half of the novel deals with Cameron’s everyday life in her small town in Montana, which was, to be honest, rather boring to me. The pace of the story picks up a bit once she gets sent to conversion therapy, but even then it’s slower and less eventful than I would have liked. But since it is a popular book, that’s probably just me. I did like that the two best friends she makes at the therapy camp are a disabled girl and an indigenous boy, two types of people that are not often represented in queer fiction, so that’s something. TW: Conversion therapy and self-harm.

Proud by Juno Dawson

This is a collection of poems and stories about queerness aimed at a YA audience, and each one is a pure delight! These stories detail moments of joy and pride that make you feel happy and hopeful about being queer. They include a high school retelling of Pride and Prejudice with lesbians, a nonbinary kid and his D&D group on a quest to disrupt the gender binary at their school, a magical phoenix leading a Chinese girl to find love, and gay penguins. All stories, poems and illustrations are by queer writers and artists. Seriously, I cannot recommend this collection enough!

Spellbook of the Lost and Found by Moïra Fowley-Doyle

An Irish magical realist story about three girls who perform a spell to find things that they have lost. The spell appears to have wider consequences than they expected, bringing to light things that should have stayed lost. This book has three narrators, two of whom are wlw. It treads a nice line between fantasy and reality, and has some pretty good plot twists. Also, there’s a crossword at the end, which is awesome. More books should come with crosswords.

Ancillary Justice, Ancillary Sword and Ancillary Mercy by Ann Leckie

A space opera trilogy set in the distant future about the embodiment of a ship’s AI who seeks revenge against the ruler of a colonialist empire who destroyed her ship and killed her beloved captain. This is not beginner’s sci-fi, as it is very complex and intricate, but if you’re fine with a bit of a heavier read, you’ll be rewarded with some very interesting concepts. What makes this series queer is that the Raadch empire has no concept of gender and uses female pronouns for everyone. This makes every romantic relationship queer by default, whether we are aware of the characters’ sexes or not. I found it particularly enjoyable when Breq, the protagonist, tried to communicate in different languages that have gendered pronouns, which she had to navigate carefully in order not to offend people. She tries to look for outward clues of gender, such as hairstyles, chest size, facial hair or Adam’s apples, but even then often gets it wrong, because these things are not always consistent. That is just a great depiction of how arbitrary ideas of binary sexual characteristics tend to be. Also, I guess technically Breq is aroace, but since she’s not human, I’m not sure if she can be considered the best representation, though she is a very likeable character that I enjoyed following.

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue and The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee

These books are a lot of fun! They’re historical adventure stories with a bit of fantasy thrown in, featuring disaster bisexual Henry Montague, his snarky aroace sister Felicity and his best friend Percy whom he is secretly in love with. In the first book, the three teenagers are sent on a tour of Europe for various reasons, but they quickly abandon the planned route when they get embroiled in a plot involving theft and alchemy. The second book details Felicity’s further attempts to become a doctor, which leads her to reunite with an old friend and chase a tale of fantastical creatures.

The Spy with the Red Balloon by Katherine Locke

Technically I read this one late last year, but whatever. I just wanted to put it on the list to have an excuse to talk about it. It’s about two Jewish siblings with magic powers who are recruited during World War II to take part in a secret project to fight the Nazis. Both siblings turn out to be queer: the brother is gay and demisexual, while the sister is bisexual, and they each have a love interest. This book is an independent prequel to The Girl with the Red Balloon, which takes place in East Berlin during the time of the Wall, and is just as good, albeit not as gay.

We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia

This book tends to be classified as fantasy, because it takes place in an alternate, Latin-American-inspired world, with a distinct history, culture and religion, but there’s no magic at all, so I’m not sure it counts. But I digress. The country of Medio is built on classism and acute xenophobia. But by hiding her status as an illegal immigrant, Daniela, a girl from a poor background, manages to rise to the top of her class at her elite finishing school and become the first wife of one of the most powerful young men in the country. But her new comfortable status is threatened when she is pressured to join a group of rebels who fight for equality. At the same time, she also finds herself falling for her husband’s second wife. Obviously, this book’s political message is very topical, but beyond that, it’s just a very good story, with a well fleshed-out fictional world and great characters. This is the first in a series, with the sequel, We Unleash the Merciless Storm, coming out in February.

All Out: The No Longer Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages by Saundra Mitchell

A very nice collection of short stories about various queer teenagers in different historical settings, from a medieval monastery to an American suburb on New Year’s Eve in 1999. Most of the stories are realist, but there are a few ghosts and witches to be found in-between. What I found particularly notable about this book is that it featured several asexual characters, which you don’t often see in collections like this. I definitely recommend it.

Under the Udala Trees by Chinelo Okparanta

This is a thoughtful, heart-warming life story about a woman growing up during the civil war in Nigeria. After Ijeoma, a Christian Igbo girl, is sent away from home, she finds her first love in Amina, a Muslim Hausa. Even after they are found out and separated, Ijeoma doesn’t quite understand what’s so shameful about their love. Still, as she grows older, she attempts to fit into a heteronormative society while also connecting with the things and people that make her happy. TW: Homophobic violence, including an attack on a gay nightclub. The novel makes up for this by having a remarkably happy ending.

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley

A young man in Victorian London finds a mysterious watch on his pillow, with no idea how it got there. This sets into motion a strange series of events, which leads him to a lonely Japanese watchmaker, to whom he finds himself increasingly drawn. This is an unusual novel that treads the line between historical fiction, fantasy and sci-fi. Most of the characters are morally grey and have complex motivations, but are still likable. I just really enjoy stories that take place in this time period, particularly when they are this thoughtfully written and don’t just take the prejudices of the past for granted.

If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo

A YA book about a transgender teenager, written by a transgender author. After her mother decides that she is not safe in her hometown anymore, high school senior Amanda moves in with her dad in a town where nobody knows her and she can try to go stealth. But even as she is making friends and experiencing romance for the first time, she constantly worries about what will happen if her secret comes out. It’s a fairly standard story about being transgender, really, but as it comes from a trans author, it feels a lot more personal and less voyeuristic than these stories tend to be when coming from a cisgender perspective. Amanda is a sympathetic and compelling character. TW: This book deals with a number of upsetting themes, including transphobic violence, being forcibly outed and suicide. There is a flashback to Amanda’s pre-transition suicide attempt, which I found particularly triggering. I also wish she could have come out on her own terms, instead of being outed in front of the whole school by someone she thought she could trust. It is still a pretty good book, but it can be very upsetting at times.

As I Descended by Robin Talley

A loose retelling of Macbeth that takes place in a boarding school in Virginia and involves two queer couples. The supernatural elements of the play are amplified in a wonderfully creepy way, and the characters are complex and realistic, so you understand their motivations, even when they do bad things. TW: Out of the five queer characters in the novel, three die, two of them by suicide.

A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo by Jill Twiss and EG Keller

A charming picture book about the Vice President’s pet bunny who falls in love with another boy bunny and wants to hop around at his side for the rest of his life. This book was written as a screw you to Mike Pence, but even so it is a genuinely nice kid’s book that deals with homosexuality and marriage equality in a way that is appropriate for young children. The illustrations are incredibly cute as well.

Palimpsest by Catherynne M. Valente

A very strange, surreal tale about four people (most of whom are queer in some way) exploring a magical city that you can enter in your dreams by sleeping with someone who has been there before. I wanted to like this one more than I did, because I really love Catherynne Valente’s Fairyland books for children. But while some of the dreamlike imagery is cool and pretty, I found a lot of it weirdly uncomfortable, along with the frequent sex scenes.

The Pearl Thief by Elizabeth Wein

15-year-old Julia is home for the summer at her parents’ ancestral mansion in Scotland and gets involved with a plot about theft, disappearance and possibly murder. She also has her first crushes – on a man working at her parents’ estate and a young Traveller girl, respectively. This is a prequel to Code Name Verity, which has the same protagonist, though her bisexuality isn’t really alluded to in that, which is why I’ve kept it off the list, even though it is an excellent book. The Pearl Thief is pretty good as well, though it is a bit strange to read after you’ve already read Verity and know that this carefree teenage character is going to grow up to be a spy in World War II and be tortured in a Nazi prison. Do read both books, though. They are great.

Gut Symmetries by Jeanette Winterson

A young scientist falls in love with the wife of the man she’s having an affair with. There’s speculation about quantum mechanics and interconnectedness, all wrapped in very poetic language. To be perfectly honest, I really didn’t get it, so I have no idea what any of it means. But at least the main character is bisexual and polyamorous (and possibly genderfluid – I’m not sure).

Queer Africa by Makhosazana Xaba and Karen Martin

A collection of short stories by queer African writers, discussing themes like love, sex, marriage, family and homophobia. The attitudes towards queerness in these different countries varies. In many of them, homosexuality is illegal, even though same-sex relationships used to be respected before the interference of Western colonialism. In any case, these stories are an interesting and oftentimes beautiful examination of queerness from a non-Western point of view, some joyous and some tragic. TW: The second to last story is about incest.

[itshansolo]

Coming to terms with being aromantic

The aro spectrum is even more invisible than asexuality, if that’s even possible. And yet I identified as aromantic before I realized I’m also asexual. I’ve always been confused as to what sexual attraction actually is. I still don’t fully understand it. So given the fact that a lot of people are aesthetically pleasing to me, both men and women, I figured that I must be bisexual. But apparently that’s not what sexual attraction is lol. Lesbians might think several men are handsome and still be lesbians. Same thing for gay men and pretty women. I’ve never had sexual fantasies. I can get turned on by porn (all types), but I’ve never pictured myself in sexual scenarios.

Sexual confusion aside, my complete lack of interest in romantic relationships, my utter avoidance of guys who had crushes on me and my downright uneasiness with the prospect of having a boyfriend or girlfriend have always stood out. The last time anyone caught my eye was over 10 years ago. I’ve had a handful of crushes back when I was a teenager and the objects of my affection were always guys I never had a conversation with. We saw each other during lunch break at school and that was it. I never wanted to pursue anything further. Given those circumstances, I attributed those crushes to sexual attraction rather than a romantic one. I can state for a fact that I’ve never been in love. I’m just not comfortable with having to share every aspect of my life with someone. I value my independence way too much. I like living by myself. When I see people in distress because of a romantic partner, prioritizing their significant other over their friends or putting up with an abusive relationship, it’s all an utterly foreign reality to me. Heck, even shipping fictional pairings comes rarely to me. I have two OTPs, maybe a handful of pairings that give me feels. I had my first kiss in college when I was almost 20 years-old, with a random guy I found mildly cute. I thought “ok this is way overdue, so I guess you’ll have to do”.

Just yesterday I came across this post and it brought back memories that in retrospect are clear signs that I’m aroace. I used to wonder why gay men and straight women insist on dating men, when it’s so hard to find a decent one. “Why don’t they just date women?? There are so many gorgeous women out there!!”. It sounds ridiculous, I know. But since I’m not romantically or sexually attracted to anyone, if I ever date it’s gonna be a rational choice rather than an emotional one I have no way to control. My heart isn’t pulling me towards any gender, so I can theoretically “make an effort” to date literally anyone I choose. Hopefully this makes sense. It does in my mind.

About a week ago I had an experience that made me think “that’s so aro”. I was on a plane combing through a magazine and I came across a picture of an extremely stylish girl. She wore the coolest glasses, a leather jacket, an Artic Monkeys shirt and a colorful headband. She just looked awesome. I could immediately hear queer women and straight men being like “this is an extremely sexy girl, I think I’m in love”. But my thoughts were: “Oh wow. This is the coolest chick. I wish she were my best friend”.

I’m still not fully comfortable with being aro, because when you look around there seems to be only one option for you not to feel utterly alone: fall in love with someone and get married/live together. That’s what your friends are going to do eventually and you’re gonna drift apart. That gives me a lot of anxiety. I’m an introvert and I enjoy my alone time, but I profoundly fear not having anyone to turn to.

I can’t say I’m “out”. My parents and a close friend know that I’m not attracted to men or women, so I guess you could say I’m out as asexual to those people. But I didn’t specify that, in addition, I also don’t experience romantic attraction. They’d never understand. When I told them I lack sexual attraction, it’s written between the lines that I also don’t feel like dating anyone, because in their minds sexual and romantic attraction are one and the same. I’m always terrified of telling my therapists about all of this (I’ve been hopping from therapist to therapist these past few months, for a variety of reasons) and I decided that I won’t. Not with this level of specificity. If the subject ever comes up (and it probably will, given the nature of the issues I usually discuss), I’ll be honest. But I won’t mention terms like ‘asexuality’, ‘aromantic’ and such. I’m tired of being met with skepticism.

[olderthannetfic]

I just realized it’s Fandom First Friday and the topic is meta!

For months, I’ve been slowly working my way through How To Be Gay by David Halperin, which talks about drag queens and how certain aspects of gay male culture appropriate from women to empower gay men. (Halperin uses the word ‘appropriate’ extensively, not necessarily in a negative context.) He brought up some points I thought were highly relevant for thinking about slash.

Last February, I went to Escapade and chatted with a bunch of acafans. To my total lack of surprise, they too love Halperin’s book and had the same reaction I did. I thought when I finish the book, I’ll write up some meta. But I got busy, and it’s a long, dense book. So then in August, I went to the final Vividcon. There, I ran into Francesca Coppa and mentioned this idea. Her response? “Oh, I just wrote a journal article about that.”

…

AHAHAHAHA! Oh god, we are the same person.

(NB: We are not actually the same person.We just have similar first names, similar fandoms, and similar flists back on LJ, have done similar fandom history oral history projects, go to the same cons, and have both been on the OTW board. Laura Hale once went so far as to “out” me as her. And now we like the same academic books too. Heh.)

So, obviously, now I have to write meta about this, and Fandom First Friday is the perfect time to take a stab at it. I have so much more to say and I want to go back through How to be Gay and pull out many more amazing quotes, but better to write something than wait for perfection.

What I found the most interesting about Halperin’s analysis was that he points out that women may find these funhouse mirror versions of femaleness upsetting, and those feelings are completely understandable and valid, but they don’t make drag any less empowering or significant for gay men. He neither thinks that we need to get rid of drag nor that women should stop having those reactions.

He also talks about how subtext is often more appealing than text: when he first started teaching his college course ‘How to be Gay’, on which the book is based, he assumed that students would connect more with literal representation of their identities. That’s the narrative we push: now that we have literal X on TV or in a Broadway show, we don’t need subtextual old Y anymore! Instead, many of his students loved things like The Golden Girls and failed to connect with current gay representation.

It’s a long book, but what many of his ideas boil down to is that a Broadway show that is massively subtextually queer allows the viewer to identify with any of the characters or with all of them simultaneously or with the situation in general. It’s highly fluid. Gay representation often means a couple of specific gay characters with a rigid identity. Emotionally, that can be harder to connect to.

Sometimes, allegory gets closer to one’s own internal experiences than literal depiction does.

Coppa’s article (book chapter?) is about exactly that. It’s titled: Slash/Drag: Appropriation and Visibility in the Age of Hamilton. She uses Halperin’s book but extends the idea further. I particularly liked her example of how female fans use Bucky to tell stories that are essentially (and often literally) about rape. His story is about a loss of bodily autonomy and about having one’s boundaries violated in a way that is familiar to female fans, but he’s a male action hero, so those stories don’t have the same visceral ick factor as writing about literal rape of literal women.

Partly, that’s due to how society treats men vs. women, but it’s also about which fans are writing these stories and which fans are the target audience of them. Just as a cis gay man appropriating Joan Crawford to talk about his experience of gayness isn’t really for or about women, most slash fanfic about Bucky being victimized isn’t really for or about cis gay men.

It was on the dancefloor at Vividcon that I realized that, as a woman, I have this unconscious feeling like I am appropriating gay men’s culture when I’m into Joan Crawford and other over-the-top female performers. It’s ridiculous! How can I be appropriating a female celebrity from gay men? But it’s an experience I share with lots of other women. Telling women we have no right to things is the bedrock of our culture.

That feature film Slash, which featured a bunch of cis male slash writers was inspired partly by the male director going on Reddit and finding a bunch of gay guys saying that slash squicks them. He felt that he was being progressive by erasing women.

On Tumblr, the fujocourse gets reblogged not just by toxic pits of misogynist, delusional bullshit like thewoesofyaoi, but also by seemingly reasonable fans. Hell, I’m pretty sure I used to suffer from this problem myself: I remember a time when I felt like I, as a bisexual woman, liked slash better, differently, and more correctly than straight women did.

I no longer feel this way.

There are lots of reasons for caring about slash, some of which are just about the pretty, some of which are more about gender, and some of which are more about sexual orientation, but after seeing decades of arguments about who is allowed to like slash, I have come to the conclusion that none of them are valid. All of them are “Not like the other girls!” and hating on femaleness. Some of the fans who do this are female and some are not, but it all boils down to not feeling like women have a right to a voice.

And then there’s Halperin calmly asserting gay men’s right to self-expression!

It struck me like a bolt of lightning because it was so self-assured. He never doubts that there’s something valid and important about giving gay men space to explore their own emotional landscapes. Literal representation is important, sure, but so is the ability to make art that speaks to your insides, not just your outside, and that sometimes means allegorical, subtextual art played out in bodies unlike your own.

“Fetishization” a la Tumblr often means writing stories with explicit sex or liking ships because they’re hot. Sometimes, it means writing kinks that are seen as dark or unusual. Frankly, this sort of fujocourse boils down to thinking that sex and desire are dirty and that m/m sex is the dirtiest of all. I do write some ~dark~ kinks in my fic because, for one thing, I’m a kinky person in real life, and for another, I often use fic to explore the experience of having dark thoughts and wondering what that says about me.

A lot of slash writers are exploring feelings of victimization. Another big chunk of us explore things like rape fantasies from the bottom: maybe we have and maybe we haven’t experienced assault in real life, but for all of us, having that kind of rape fantasy brings up questions of whether we’re asking for it, whether it’s okay to be into that kind of thing, whether it means something. Another chunk of us are exploring a different kind of “bad” thoughts: feelings of aggression, violence, dominance. In my own work, I’m interested in sadists and how they come to terms with their desires, but I think slash is also often a way to explore any sort of violent, dark feeling, not just rape fantasies from the top. Society tells us women aren’t allowed to have dark thoughts–hell, that we’re not capable of impulses that dark. Sometimes, it’s easier to write even a relatively banal action story about a male action hero because he, in canon, is allowed to have the feelings and impulses that interest the writer.

The fujocourse is all about saying that women aren’t allowed to have dark impulses ever. That we’re not allowed to be horny. That we’re not allowed to enjoy art for the sake of an orgasm. When we depict people not precisely like ourselves, we’re overstepping. When we make art for our own pleasure instead of devoting our lives to service, we are toxic and bad. Any time. Every time.

It’s just another round of saying that women’s pleasure is not valid and women’s personal space should not be respected. No hobbies for you: only motherhood.

And yet that’s not actually what most slash fans think. I was heartened to read Lucy Neville’s Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys: Women and Gay Male Pornography and Erotica. A friend read it recently and was trying to guess which quotes were from me. I have to admit, I was playing that game too! I honestly couldn’t tell, until I looked at demographic info, that some could not have been mine. They sounded so familiar. On Tumblr, I tend to wade into meta discussions, so I see a lot of loud, divisive views. I especially see a lot of views that, over time, make me start to wonder if I’m a crazy outlier. Intellectually, I know that this is all down to bad curation of my dash and a love of browsing the meta tags. I didn’t realize how much it had crept up on me unconsciously–how much I had started to feel like I had to justify and explain the most basic and common experiences of being a slash fan.

What was interesting about Neville’s book is how alike many of the women sounded. Now, no one book represents everybody, and she makes no claims to have figured out the exact size or demographic breakdown of fandom. Her focus is on women who like m/m material, whether slash or porno movies or anything else. At the same time, though, she surveyed heaps of women, and the responses were amazingly similar. Nearly every quote in that book strikes a chord with me. Nearly all of them, with a few minor variations, could be something I’ve written. Gay, straight, bi, asexual: we all had many of the same things to say about slash and what it means to us.

So, some brief, and more digestible thoughts:

Slash is “overrepresented” in meta and scholarly literature because people still ask us to justify ourselves constantly.

People ask us to justify ourselves because they assume that “good representation” is literal representation.

There are key emotional, psychological aspects of our experiences that are often better expressed allegorically, whether we’re gay men doing drag or women writing slash or any other sort of artist.

Here are some choice quotes from Coppa. (I will restrain myself and not just try to quote the entire thing. Heh.)

“There are endless transmedia adaptations of characters like Sherlock Holmes or Batman, so it is clearly not appropriation that’s the issue: it is the appropriation by the other—by women, in this case.

One could argue then that it is our awareness of this appropriative doubleness—of the familiar characters acting in an unfamiliar script, of the female storyteller animating the male characters— that boots slash out of “literature,” with its illusions of psychological coherence (see Edwards’s Chapter 3 in this volume), and puts it instead into the category of performance, itself so often associated with the fake, the female, the forged, the queer. My argument in this chapter is that it might be useful to compare slash to other forms of appropriative performance; drag comes powerfully to mind and, more recently, the musical Hamilton. These are forms where it’s important to see the bothness, the overlaid and blurred realities: male body/Liza Minnelli; person of color/George Washington.”

“In his book How to Be Gay, David Halperin (2012) discusses the ongoing centrality of certain female characters to the gay male cultural experience and takes as his project an explanation of why gay men choose those particular avatars and what they make of them. Halperin argues that gay men use these female characters to articulate a gay male subjectivity which precedes and may in important ways be separate from a gay male sexual identity (or to put it another way, a boy may love show tunes before he loves men, or without ever loving men). The gay male appropriation of and perfor- mance of femininity effectively mirror—in the sense both of “reflect” and “reverse”—slash fiction’s preoccupations with and appropriations of certain (often hyper‐performatively) male characters in service of a female sensibility; in both cases, appropriation becomes a way of saying something that could not otherwise easily be said.”

“A character like Tony Stark or Bruce Wayne speaks, obviously, to boys who are getting mixed messages about what successful manhood looks like in the twenty‐first century—it was hard enough in the old days to be Charles Atlas, but today you have to be Charles Atlas and Steve Jobs at the same time, which is a problem of time commitment just for a start. But these characters speak to women, too: differently. The doubled nature of the paired male characters taken up by slash fandom—these aliens, these costumed heroes, these men wearing man suits, men in male drag—make them appealing sites of identification for women, or proxy identities, to use Halperin’s (2012) term; that is, they provide “a metaphor, an image, a role” (185). They are sites of complex feeling.

But what these characters are metaphors for, what they make us feel, is not simple, singular, or easily reducible. Halperin takes hundreds of pages even to begin to excavate the complicated web of meanings around Joan Crawford; I am not going to be able to unpack any of these iconic male characters in a few paragraphs, and it is also the nature of fandom to build multiple and contradictory meanings around fan favorites (and to get into heated arguments over them).”

[In Halperin’s class] “Works that allowed gay men to be invisible were preferred to those where they were explicitly represented. “Non‐gay cultural forms offer gay men a way of escaping from their particular, personal queerness into total, global queerness,” Halperin (2012) writes. “In the place of an identity, they promise a world” (112). I would argue that slash offers something similar—that queer female space, as well as the ability to escape the outline of the identity that you are forced to carry every day—and that for gay men and slash fans both, the suggestion that you would restrict your identification to those characters with whom you share an identity feels limiting.”

“Visibility is a trap,” Phelan (2003) concludes, referencing Lacan (1978) (93): “it summons surveillance and the law, it provokes voyeurism, fetishism, the colonialist/imperial appetite for possession”—and fans on the ground know this and talk about it in very nearly this language. Again, this is not to say that fans—or gay men, for that matter—do not want or deserve good representations: female fandom, slash fandom included, championed Mad Max: Fury Road, Marvel’s Jessica Jones, and the new, gender‐swapped Ghostbusters, all of which have multiple and complex female characters. Rather, I am arguing that representation does not substitute for the pleasure or power of invisibility; for, as even the most famously visible actors say, “But what I really want is to direct.”

[princessknightt]

Why You Should Give Yuri A Chance

So I made a reddit post and I’m just gonna dump all the text here and link it so you lovely folks could give it an upvote ;) I’ll link it first and just lol, do a read more thing under it if you’d rather read it on tumblr.

https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/9paqmt/yall_should_try_reading_yuri_mangamanhwa/

So I've noticed a lot of lesbians and other wlw don't really read yuri manga or manhwa or manhua. And yes those are all different. Manga is Japanese, manhwa is Korean, and manhua is Chinese. There's also Thai yuri but I'm not sure what their comics are called. I have an idea why wlw don't read them and I'll agree with you gals. Yuri is sexualized and does have a bad reputation. BUT, and here's a huge but, it's definitely getting better. I could go into the history of yuri and why it was low-key, even high-key homophobic or sexist back in the day, but it's definitely getting better. If you only know of yuri from anime, then please throw that idea right in the trash. Yuri manga is different, there's actual lesbian authors and just woman authors in general that save the genre. 

I guess we can call this my Defense of Yuri. First of all, what yuri do people usually see and what's usually popular? It's stuff like Citrus and NTR that are popularized because they were animated. Also Happy Sugar Life and that new Loli Maid anime that's super gross. These manga are not really serious and end up being gross representations of what lesbians are like. And yet it's what's popular, leading people to believe most yuri is like this. This is wrong. There's a lot of yuri that is not fetishized and are published in yuri exclusive magazines such as Comic Yuri Hime or Yuri Shimai or Tsubomi. They also might just be original doujins that aren't officially published.

This brings me to my second point. Because the popular yuri titles are fetishized and really just paint yuri in a bad light, people wouldn't want to try diving into the genre. And that's the sad part because there are definitely queer authors who are making really good stuff that just isn't seen and supported enough to become popular. Nakatani Nio's Bloom Into You is a better yuri manga about discovering the MC's sexuality that isn't sexualized and is actually a serious work. It's also getting an anime adaptation so hopefully more people will give anime a chance. It's noteworthy that Nakatani Nio is a woman who, while she may not be queer, she actually understands how women think. That's honestly more important since the fetishized yuri tend to be made by men who have no clue.

So basically what I'm trying to get at is that the popular yuri titles are bad examples of what yuri is and can actually be, I'll list some examples of good yuri manga and a few manhwas and manhuas too. Before we go to the examples and recommendations, I just want to make sure that I reiterate that the popular yuri anime ain't shit and honestly you shouldn't really stream them either. Citrus is literally pseudo-incest, NTR is about cheating, Happy Sugar Life is about a pedophilic yandere, and the Loli Maid anime is pedophilic too. So yeah, just don't bother with them, they were definitely not written with women in mind. What you should do is try and support the queer and/or women authors who produce actual good yuri.

1. Tamen de Gushi by Tan Jiu (Chinese): So this one is one I think a lot of lesbians have actually read but this shit is super cute and about those two high school girls figuring out their feelings for each other. Unfortunately because of China's censorship laws, the author isn't allowed to show any explicit or even overt homosexuality in the story but it's still a really nice slice-of-life.

2. What Does the Fox Say? by Team Gaiji (Korean): Ah yes, another one that is fairly popular with lesbians I think. It's basically a dramatic romance between two office workers that's also a bit of a love triangle. It's very dramatic, kinda like a kdrama, and it's also very much gay. There's explicit gay content and you get invested in the story easily. (VERY NSFW)

3. Pulse by Ratana Satis (Thai): This is a more racy story about a heart surgeon and her patient haha. So it's definitely very dramatic but also very gay. Like wow it's gay as fuck. And the story itself is interesting and I got heavily invested in the drama too. (ALSO IT'S NSFW)

4. Collectors by Nishi Uko (Japanese): So this is a gem following the lives of two women who are avid collectors of things, and their relationship together. This is one of those rare ones where they're already together and it's just navigating their day to day lives in a very mature way. It's really nice.

5. Wife and Wife by Minamoto Hisanari (Japanese): So this is literally what the title says. It's slice of life with two women who married each other and it's their newlywed life. It's super cute and diabetes inducing and gay.

6. Bright and Cheery Amnesia by Tamamusi (Japanese): This one is a comedy about the trope where your lover gets amnesia but it's super cute because said lover immediately falls in love with you again. Except with two women and the humor is on point.

7. Strawberry Shake by Hayashiya Shizuru (Japanese): This is also a comedy, even going so far as a gag comedy about two idols and their love story. It's super funny and cute and one of my favorites because I read this when I was like, 15 and still questioning and it really just made me laugh. It was nice having a romantic comedy with a lesbian couple, er, pining lesbian couple.

8. Cirque Arachne by Saida Nika (Japanese): This is an interesting story about being in a circus and falling in love there. I'm not really sure how to describe it but it's really good.

9. The Love Doctor by Chamsae (Korean): This is a story about a college student consulting a "love doctor" about why she can't get a boyfriend (she doesn't actually feel any attraction to guys *hint* *hint*). And the doctor happens to also be gay oh my. But it's a nice drama that was honestly pretty relatable for me because I completely understood where the MC was coming from. And their relationship does get really cute and like all Korean manhwas, it's very reminiscent of a kdrama.

10. Bloom Into You by Nakatani Nio (Japanese): I already mentioned this story but this is a high school coming of age story. It's navigating the feelings the MC has and how those feelings "bloom." I think it's a very mature take on the typical high school love story and there's even an asexual male side character. I think it was nicely written and you can even buy the printed translated copies if you wanted.

These are just a few recommendations I have so if this post gets a lot of attention, I can make another post of recs that I think are good reads. You can find sites to read these through googling them and adding manga online or something, but most are found on dynasty reader (google it). Oh right, and also it's important to note whether it's Japanese or not because the Japanese ones are the only ones you read from right to left, the others are left to right. As an additional note, if anyone wants me to do like, a history of yuri or something, I can probably do that because god, I read too much. Or if you want more recs haha.

[theinvisiblemonsters]

that’s-a spicy memeball 2k18

tagged by: kat @theotokosi 

nickname: Julie, the short version of my name. lele to my extended family, because I’m the second Julieanna in my family and they need something else to call me. two-two to my immediate family, because I was born on 2/22. my mom has also started calling me “Ju” lately, but I Am Not Into That Shit

height: 5′2″ ish

time: 9:40 pm

favorite band/artist: Johnny Flynn, my beloved royal Medieval bard who is adequately revering of women and very bad at keeping his Illegal Catholicism a secret. second favorite is Andy Hull, because I love me some self-critical bisexual men complaining into a microphone

art-artists: edward gorey. we’re both asexual pieces of nihilistic, discomforting emo trash born on feb. 22nd, but like. a hundred years apart.

song currently stuck in my head: *to the tune of “Fly” by Sugar Gay Leonard* IIIIIIIII just wanna die

last film i saw: Christmas in the Smokies, because I am trying to watch as many shitty Christmas movies as I can to will myself into the holiday spirit

last thing i googled: what the name of the “I Just Wanna Fly” song is and who sings it. I thought it was R. Kelly. I am a fool.

why i chose my url: honestly, i got the idea from the Palahnuik book, but i didn’t name myself after it (i really don’t even like that book.) i picked it because it’s like a ~metaphor~ for anxiety, flaws, thoughts, etc.

other blogs: 10 years ago someone made me a mod of a Brandon Boyd fan blog @locaxbrandonboyd and even though i haven’t posted onto it for probably 8 years and i am considerably less interested in Mr. Boyd, i’m still technically a mod. i don’t know how to remove myself and, at this point, i don’t know if i want to. who am i if i am not a very shitty locamenteBrandonBoyd mod?

do i get asks: sometimes, but not often. my friends and mutuals usually just message me.

following: 65, most of whom i consider friends who just post their own things and i love and support them! and we’re friends so we usually have the same interests anyway! a couple of people who i just enjoy the content of. a few inactive blogs i forgot to unfollow. handful of content creators and asexual support blogs.

what am i wearing: denim Tom’s flats that i found in the garbage, black high-waisted button fly skinny jeans, old baggy gray shirt that has ‘los angeles vintage co. & dry goods’ written in faded western font. a pumpkin colored army jacket with a pin that says “grody to the max.”

dream job: screenwriter, ideally an auteur a la Cohen Brothers or Sophia Coppola but I am entirely not privileged or white enough. i wanna specialize in female-led nuevo westerns with heavy symbolism and MISE-EN-PLACE. otherwise, i’d settle for contracted work along with script supervising, script editing, anything that means i work with a script and actually make money that buys more than beans and rice and a hotel room.

dream trip: being able to afford traveling is literally so far from my grasp that i’ve never really considered the “ideal” trip, but i guess maybe a really fancy, really long Disney cruise? that would be cool. or a year-long road trip where i can visit every single state and stay in each for a couple of days. america is so fucking big and i wanna pee on the ground in every state.

favorite food: curry, specifically butter or tikka masala sauces but i will literally accept any curry. i also love eggs and flour tortillas scrambled together, with or without soy chorizo. hong kong style chow mein. cheese and pineapple pizza with extra extra sauce and pan crust. just plain old baguettes. tamales. my secret recipe vegetarian dirty rice.

play any instruments: i’ve tried, but my dyscalculia makes it basically impossible. i’m able to play the first half of “what do you do with a drunken sailor” on a mini-accordion over and over and over to annoy my sister, but otherwise, i’m balls.

hair color: i guess like a dark auburn? it’s dark brown but it has red highlights.

languages spoken: i have a working understanding of speaking and listening to english, but i do a lot better with written. i can carry a conversation in ASL, but i wouldn’t call myself fluent. i also know a very small amount of german and french, and an even smaller amount of chata (which is pretty similar to other muskogee languages)

random fact: i honestly cannot stand puppies. i have helped raise over 100 puppies from newborn to full grown dog and i can not STAND them. they are the worst. i much prefer full grown dogs, and even those are on thin fucking ice.

describe myself as aesthetics: bitten down fingernails, dirty bare feet hanging out of the car window, a sleeping kitten tucked into a denim jacket, annie oakley in a full victorian dress aiming her rifle, a little girl playing barefoot in an overgrown field in front of a decaying barn, a sea cave filled with rotting seaweed and broken mussel shells and sea glass, fog at 2 in the morning, bare feet dangling from somewhere up in the trees, a wooded path that’s perpetually dark and covered with rotting leaves and mountain misery, dusty boots and fraying jean hems, a woman’s hands tossing wood into a fire

most iconic song: hiT OR MISS I BET YA NEVER MISS HUH yooooou gOt A bOYFRIEND I BET HE DOESN’T KISS YAAAA

i tag @thortisgodofthundpurr and @ufocafe  

[aroworlds]

Aro-Spec Artist Profile: Alex

Today I have the delight of introducing Alex, better known to aro-spec Tumblr as @arotaro and @mutant-jojos!

Alex is a bisexual, half-Puerto Rican multi-disciplinary aromantic artist and creative with severe ADHD. You’ll find her prolific fanworks on AO3 as EmeraldTrash666, writing primarily for the JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure fandom. Her bold, colourful art for the JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Fullmetal Alchemist, Hetalia, Pokemon and Vocaloid fandoms is also available on Redbubble under the name StellaHagane.

She writes, she creates digital art and she dabbles in music, sewing and fashion design, single-handedly proving that there’s no such thing as too much creative awesome for any one aromantic!

With us Alex talks about finding the word aro, the power of fandom and creative fanworks, her love of aro Jotaro, the challenges of creating with ADHD, the struggles of being an aro gen writer in fandom and the importance of expressing our aro headcanons. Everything she says is absolutely on point, so please let’s give her all our love, encouragement, gratitude, kudos and follows for taking the time to explore what it is to be aromantic and creative.

Can you share with us your story in being aro-spec?

I guess in some ways my “story” starts out pretty typical. Got older, kept waiting for my First Crush™, never got it, started worrying and trying to force myself to develop crushes. I actually was in a relationship with another girl on a forum I was part of as a teenager, but eventually I realized that I didn’t really like her romantically, and the relationship started to become really unpleasant for me. I eventually felt so miserable that I didn’t even want to talk at her at all, even though we were close friends, but I didn’t want to break up with her - partly because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, partly because we were everyone’s “OTP” and I didn’t want my friends to hate me for ruining that. But eventually I did break up with her, and I’m happy to say she took it with grace and we’re still close friends today! (She’s ace and a great writer/artist herself, too!)

I was part of a very nice LGBTQ+ group as a teenager, but I could never figure out my identity. I felt really ashamed and alone. Whenever I brought up how messed up I felt because I’d never had a crush on anyone, everyone was like, “Oh, sounds like you must be asexual!”, but I knew I wasn’t, and that was the worst part. Even though I knew aromanticism was a thing, nobody ever talked about it. It was only ever in the context of aroaces, so I didn’t know I was aro. I thought I must have had some sort of mental illness or something, but certainly not a legitimate orientation, nothing to be proud of like everyone else.

During that time, I found myself connecting on a deep emotional level to characters like Alphonse Elric, Fujiwara no Sai, the X-Men in general (although I’ve been an X-Men fan since I was literally a baby), basically anyone who was somehow “different” from the rest of humanity, even though I never understood why, since I was a fairly privileged kid who had never experienced much bullying or anything. Weirdly enough, it was Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure that helped me realize I was aro and come to terms with it; I saw an interview with Hirohiko Araki, the author of JJBA, where he was asked what type of girls Jotaro Kujo likes, and replied that he didn’t think Jotaro liked girls. The obvious interpretation would be that Jotaro’s gay, but somehow, one way or another, I decided to go with the idea that Jotaro’s aromantic. Jotaro also happened to be a character I really related to for reasons I couldn’t quite articulate, so around the time I was 18 I put two and two together and was like ... oh shit…

Please click keep reading to continue Alex’s story!

Can you share with us the story behind your creativity?

I’ve always been weird in the way I’m very creative, but tend to kinda bounce around from hobby to hobby. Other people draw, or write, or sing, while I draw for a month, and then write for a month and sew for a week and play video games for a week, and then I draw some more, and then I try out something completely new, and then I write again. I think it must be an ADHD thing, idk. In any case, I’ve just always been really passionate about making stuff, whatever that stuff happens to be.

I’ve also always been very much fandom-oriented. Ever since I was a toddler, I used to dictate fanfiction to my mom (back then it usually involved Winnie the Pooh, the Powerpuff Girls, Godzilla, and my dog). I mostly draw fanart. I find that I’m not really capable of writing original stories, but I’m great at getting fanfics in character, and I love writing them. I love taking stories I already love and reinterpreting them, seeing what it would be like if the characters were put into different situations, etc.

Because of my ADHD, I really struggle with actually finishing things. I try really really hard, I really do, and I’ve been trying to push myself even harder these past few years. I’ve made progress, but it’s still extremely difficult, so I’m very sorry for all the projects I’ve abandoned over the years. Sorry I still haven’t finished the fic that was supposed to be done in early March. I’m trying, really. I promise I’m working on the next chapter of BLaD, too.

Are there any particular ways your aro-spec experience is expressed in your art?

Of course, pretty much everything I write is gen. Even if I include romantic relationships in my fics, I never write about romance, just stories which also happen to include some characters who might be dating someone. And obviously I always write Jotaro as aro! That’s really important to me. No matter which AU I’m writing, he’s always aro. (And autistic, but that’s off topic.)

I’m also not really into shipping because of my romance repulsion, but I ship Joseph Joestar and Caesar Zeppeli. The thing is … I’ve always viewed it as a unique relationship, sort of difficult to define as being strictly romantic or platonic or sexual, just kind of their own thing that defies words. That’s how I’ve always written it. I had the sudden realization recently that this strange view on the only ship I really actually like (at the moment, anyway) is probably due to my being aro, lmao.

What challenges do you face as an aro-spec artist?

People don’t read gen fics, and people aren’t interested in aro stories. That’s just the way it is. I do have some dedicated readers, whom I love deeply, but in general… I could post something with a deep plot, something funny and dramatic and witty and touching, something I poured my heart and soul into for months, and it’ll get very few hits/comments/kudos, while someone else could post the same generic 2,000-word romance fic everyone’s seen a dozen times over, with no editing or anything, and get twice the amount of traffic my fics do in half the time. It’s really crushing.

How do you connect to the aro-spec and a-spec communities as an aro-spec person?

I dunno… The aro community feels so small. Online, I have a small circle of aro mutuals who all kind of vent collectively, and I’m part of Arocalypse and a few aro/aspec Discord servers, but I still feel like there isn’t really much of a larger community to be part of in the same way that there is for other orientations. Offline, I’ve never met another aro, or even anyone who actually knows what aromanticism is prior to me explaining it to them.

I also don’t feel like there’s a very unified “aspec community”. As an allo aro, I feel very rejected by the ace community - not to say that I feel like I should be part of the ace community, since I’m not ace, but I feel like they throw aros under the bus a lot. I mean, we’ve all seen the “asexuals can feel love, just like anybody else! … oh, except for aroaces, I guess. But the rest of us are normal, so you should accept us!” rhetoric. Both within and outside the aspec communities, aros are rarely treated with the same priority as aces, even though we’re arguably in a much more difficult position than your average allo ace.

That being said, I’m glad there is an aro community at all. I don’t know where I’d be now if I were still questioning. Probably not in a very good place.

How do you connect to your creative community as an aro-spec person?

As I mentioned, there’s a general lack of interest in gen fics or sympathy for romance-repulsed people in general. It’s really difficult being romance repulsed in fandom spaces, because nobody cares about anything other than ships. There are very few gen fics, and even less that are a decent length, not abandoned, or cater to my specific interests, so I have to write my own. I don’t often have anything good to read; most of the big fics, the ones with cool plots and long word counts and ongoing updates, are ship fics. If I’m lucky, maybe two gen fics will be posted in one week, and maybe one of them will be longer than a few thousand words. Maybe one might even have my favorite characters. But usually genfics are few and far between, and kind of random in terms of what you’ll get. Sometimes I get so bored that I read ship fics anyway, and then I always wind up feeling really awful afterwards.

I’ve written, over the course of the past two years alone, over 20 gen fics. But whenever I vent that sometimes I’d like to actually get to read something, I always get someone telling me, “Well if you want gen fics, write some yourself! You have to make the change! You can’t demand people write stuff for you!” And of course, at the same time it’s totally acceptable to request ship fics from your favorite author, and if you complain that there aren’t enough fics for your rarepair, it’s seen as relatable and totally valid.

Fandom is just … really, really amatonormative, tbh. I hate it. I’m trying to make a difference (I did organize Gen Jojo Week along with my friend Rachel last year, and hopefully will again this year), but there’s only so much I can do.

How can the aro-spec community best help you as a creative?

Aside from reblogging my art and promoting my fics? Talk about stuff. Talk about aro stuff in fandom. Seriously! I know it seems obvious that aro people would like aro headcanons and gen fics and all that, but we need to talk about them more. Nobody outside the community gives enough of a shit about us to have aro headcanons, so let’s get them popular. Talk about your favorite aro headcanons. Talk about your favorite gen fics. Talk about how such-and-such character is totally aro; talk about how excited you are to see aro characters in fics. My dream is for aro headcanons to become just as common and popular as any other type of headcanon.

Can you share with us something about your current project?

This is old news to most of the people who already know me, but my current big project that I’ve been working on for several years now is Between Life and Death, a drama/horror/supernatural JJBA fic.

(WARNING: PHANTOM BLOOD AND STARDUST CRUSADERS SPOILERS BELOW.)

The plot of the fic is that Dio wins at the end of Stardust Crusaders, and after realizing that he has no hobbies other than harassing the Joestars, he decides to bring Jonathan back by sticking his head (which… we’ll just assume Dio preserved for plot purposes) onto Jotaro’s body. Obviously, Jonathan is NOT happy with this arrangement, but it also turns out that Jotaro’s still alive, just not in control of his body. He can still use his stand, so he essentially uses Star Platinum as a sort of proxy for interacting with the environment around him, even though he only comes out when Jonathan’s alone since he doesn’t want Dio to know he’s alive.

Basically, it’s the story of a depressed vampire and a traumatized ghost. It’s a very introspective fic; most of the story consists of conflicts between Dio and Jonathan, and Jonathan and Jotaro struggling to come to terms with their new existences - Jonathan being unable to reconcile vampirism with his personal morals, and Jotaro having one hell of an identity crisis while also mourning the deaths of his friends and family. The plot is picking up, though, and there is an end goal in mind, as well as an eventual sequel!

As for where the story-in-progress is at right now … well, the next “stage” of the plot is hamon training for Kakyoin and Avdol, which will be fun. This chapter also includes several dream sequences, including an extended appearance by Mary Joestar (Jonathan’s mom), and a very serious and dark scene which I almost ruined by having dream!Will Zeppeli refer to Jonathan as his padawan. Yeah.

Have you any forthcoming works we should look forward to?

As mentioned, I’m working on chapter 9 of Between Life and Death! And working on and off on some stuff for the mutants AU. Most recently, on a whim I rewrote the lyrics to Handbeat Clocktower by MOTHY to be about Jonathan Joestar. Somehow this went far enough that I’m making an actual UTAU rendition of this “parody”, and hopefully it’ll be done sometime in the next few weeks. I’m really having fun with it and I hope people like it!

[knightofbalance-13]

Speaking Over LGBT People: Totally Okay! (Sarcasm)

http://dudeblade.tumblr.com/post/163784145881/is-anyone-else-really-afraid-vol-5-lgbt-rep

What a bunch of fuck ups.

First, let’s do Fairy Wizard AKA the pseudo intellectual who said RT should have super buff characters because realistic then said RT should have super fate characters because unrealistic.

Honestly, I have very little hope of rwby ever getting ANY lgbtq+ rep, much less anything meaningful. Time and time again the writers had countless opportunities to do so, all of which were passed up. I would be surprised if this volume got anything more than volume 3 did  (though it’s more likely we’ll get nothing like always). As far as which characters end up being queer is concerned, RT have written themselves in a corner of their own design. If they confirm BB then people will be mad at them for “sacrificing artistic integrity to satisfy fans” (as if rwby has any of that left) and if they *don’t* confirm BB or actively make it a canon notp then people will riot at the queerbaiting (and there’s been A LOT of that in rwby, especially considering the bmblb controversy/clusterfuck).

No actually, you people will be absolutely obnoxious about it if there is any LGBT character (not Bumbleby which, surprise, isn’t the only route for making an LGBT character), demand more and more while bitching about every straight couple in the show, screech homophobia whenever things don’t go exactly your way while l also claiming to speak for every LGBT person as if they are a hivemind, which is ACTUALLY homophobic as fuck.

The only people who pushed themselves into a corner is YOU people: Either it doesn’t happen because you were so fucking toxic about the subject and then blame RT, leading them to stop interacting with fans or outright be spiteful towards them. Or it does happen, you bitch about how you didn’t get it immediately or some equally stupid with the same reaction. Everyone blames the LGBT community for it further discourages diversity while you ruined the show because you are THAT insecure about yourselves that everything in life must mirror you or bow to your will. Either way, you look worse and your situation gets worse. Although I doubt you acre since this lets you play victim.

So if the character never shows up: you have no one to blame but yourselves.

Either way, if their takeaway is “gee we should have never included this character so let’s kill them off” then that would be THEIR fault for misreading and mishandling the situation, NOT the fans’. Personally I think that’s highly unlikely to happen, but the fact that this is considered a concern is quite telling of RT’s history of lgbtq+ rep and the treatment of its queer characters.

“If their takeaway is that I should have never gotten into a relationship with this person, it’s THEIR fault for misreading and mishandling the situation, not the abuser.”

That’s what you sound like, you victim blaming fuckwad. They never said WHEN the character was coming, MONTY made the promise on a whim so they have no obligation to keep it and with all the shit you’ve given them: They have EVERY right to never write the character. You sound like a fucking abuser blaming your partner for your actions. That is how irredeemable your actions are.

Ultimately I wouldn’t feel sorry for RT and you probably shouldn’t either. They kinda brought this whole thing on themselves and it’s time they realised that baiting people for years while making homophobic jokes in your other shows has consequences.

“You spoke out against me while I was hitting you for years so you deserve this.”

Yeah, keep victim blaming. That doesn’t make you look bad at all.

Next we got this Santaclausindian person:

Well, they said there would be queer rep, than proceded to not plant the seeds for one at all. Of course it will be bad. They had four seasons to do it. Without even subtle hints, any gayness will feel shoehorned in.Â

Didn’t you people say :you don’y need to plant the seeds: Just do it?” I guess it doesn’t apply as a defense, only an attack.

If they go with the wlw roote, which is the most likely, seeing how the show is supposed to be about the girls, they can either make one of the big ones queer, or a side character or even a one-shot. Now the latter won’t be enough at this point, maybe if they never promised it, but after 5 years of nothing, I don’t think they can get away with throwing a bone.Â

YOU all are the ones insulting them and calling them bigots for not having an LGBT character in a show that BARELY has an romance. YOU all are the ones who attacked Arryn and drove her away. YOU all are the ones trying to label the CRWBY as every form of bigot you can think of. YOU all are the ones being homophobic by thinking LGBT people are so weak and fragile they can’t take a joke. YOU all are the ones attacking LGBT people for not agreeing with you. YOU all are the ones harassing people. YOU all are the ones who cant criticism. You don’t deserve a bone, in any sense of the word. You all deserve jackshit, AT BEST.

And finally we have Dudeblade AKA the straight guy who thinks he knows the LGBT community better than ACTUAL LGBT people.

They had their chance.

They had so many chances to introduce or reveal a character to be LGBT+.

And you had your chance to not be a terrible human being, you all did. But not only did you waste it completely, you insist that everyone else around you is wrong, that no one but people who act and think like you deserve respect. AKA Psychopathy.

But what do they do instead? - They decide to let a song (somehow) slip by that all but says that “this couple will get together.” and say that “it’s not canon.”

Boo. Fucking. Hoo. Your ship didn’t get confirmed, never mind the fact that this EXACT same thing happened with Black Sun Shippers and yet you never said a word so it’s only wrong when it negatively affects you AKA the exact opposite of equality. Not to mention you act like the only way for there to be an LGBT couple is Bumbleby, ignoring bisexuals, gay men, pansexuals, asexuals and trans people who aren’t attracted to the same gender. And mind you, you act like you know the community better than an ACTUAL LGBT person who called you out on your bullshit, you suicide baited them and then acted like it was their fault.

“It’s not the right time yet.” - Falls apart when you have let so many opportunities slip by.

So many that you can’t name any.

“We want it to feel natural.” - So, you’re saying that you don’t consider it to be natural to begin with. Good to know.

Ah eyes, not like they took their sweet ass time with Renora, the only hetero ship that is even close to confirmed. Not toemntion the fact that you think that heterosexuality isn’t natural, mr. “heterosexuality is a cliché.”

“We aren’t good at writing romance.” - Explain Renora, Arkos, Black Sun, Iceberg, and Qrow in general. Or are those exceptions?

Dubious, Sunk, hasn’t happened, didn’t happen and I counter you with the background guy holding up a picture of Sun’s abs. 

If there’s backlash, well…

No, shut up. Stop talking. You obviously don’t understand what logic is so I suggest you stop.

You Dudeblade have crossed so many lines, calling CRWBY every offensive term in the book, using Monty, Shane, Sheena, and Arryn to attack them then when Arryn showed a tweet that contradicted you, you tried dismissing it then using it for yourself. You delete criticism and call everyone who disagrees with you whiteknights. You attack LGBT people and claim to know more about their sexuality than them because you’re a fucking yuri fan. You lie, cheat and misinform just to create insults, you try apply criticism against you suing defenses against RT then don’t follow them a bit as if you are somehow better than everyone else, you actively set back equality for not just LGBT people but for races and genders by being homophobic AND heterophobic, racist and sexist as fuck and so much more.

By the end of this: YOU will be the ones with the backlash. YOU will continue your bullshit and people will see your shit, they will see that you were using them, they will see that you don’t actually acre and how monstrous you truly are. They will see that you used people, kept them hostage, refsed to see yourself in the mirror, cared only about yourself and harmed people’s lives. And here’s a preview of YOUR backlash.