#gay lamborghini

[gaycarboys]

Lamborghini debuts its Lanzador concept at Monterey Car Week

[johnobamasblog]

wow, inspiring words from a small man

[princess0fmirkwood20]

It’s the way Colin’s voice cracks on the word “strong” when he says his mantra in the Lambo for me. Billy Harris I love you.

[transcodedtit]

Got my first toy from badcube. One of my favs from my childhood. And its even better that he had a bf named Inferno lol

[koolimon]

MDS, eu baixei o koo e um monte de gente começou a entrar no meu koo AAAAA😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[ponett]

unlike many gay people i actually have the ability to recognize some models of car, but only because i am also a transformers fan. i'll be watching always sunny and see danny devito roll up in a yellow lamborghini countach and be like yoooooooo it's sunstreaker

[louis--wifey]

WTTT Incorrect Quotes but it's just things that people in my real life have said

It's so long I'm so sorry 😭😭

~~~~

Illinois, cleaning his shoes: Last time I wore these shoes I got apple butter on them..

Ohio: I remember that song. *singing* Apple butter shoes, boots with the fur.

~~~~

Florida: *yapping*

New York, who forgot his phone in the car: I'm going to get my phone so I can ignore you for a minute.

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South Carolina: Georgia and I are dressing at Waylon and Willie for Halloween!

North Carolina: I could be Johnny Cash and just lay there in a coffin... *To the tune of Hurt by NIN covered by Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash impression.* I hurt myself, today

~~~~

Washington, helping Nevada with his math homework: Let's break it down

Nevada: I'll break it down *gets off of his chair and starts break dancing*

~~~~

Kansas: That sounded like a car commercial...

Oklahoma: I can write car commercials all day long.

~~~~

Maryland: Nothing says hot like harmonica!

(I have no context for this btw. My professor said it a couple weeks ago and I tuned into the conversation as soon as he said it and I have no idea what was happening before hand)

~~~~

Michigan: Hey, Ohi-

Ohio: And all of the sudden I heard an irritating, grading voice. And it was yours.

~~~~

Illinois: My grandma has chickens, and she's obsessed with chickens.

Minnesota: Tell your grandma to call me.

~~~~

Arizona: If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go lock myself in the cooler.

Utah: Bang on the door if you need anything.

~~~~

Florida: *lands on go to jail in Monopoly* Noooo in jail again!?

Gov: That's something we need to talk about. If you keep driving so fast you're going to end up in jail.

Florida: Oh I thought this was gonna be about me puking in the county jail parking lot...

~~~~

California: What three characters have omniscience?

Florida: Your mom

California: What four characters have omniscience?

~~~~

Colorado: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Wisconsin: FOOD TRUCK!

~~~~

Missouri: Guess what my dream car is

Indiana: A Lamborghini

Missouri: No

Indiana: A Kia Soul

~~~~

Washington: New York with the leadership skills!

New York: I just know where I'm going -_-

Washington: Say "I'm New York and I'm a baddie"

~~~~

Texas: Can you count change? *Looks down at the change California gave him* You can!

California: I'm great at counting change, I used to do it for fun when I was little. Because I didn't have any friends.

Texas: Pfff-

~~~~

Oregon: A Monster a day keeps the straightness away.

~~~~

Nevada: You look like a clown.

California: Am I a pretty clown?

~~~~

Gov, to Louisiana and Florida: I would stop whining so much if you two stopped drinking alcohol.

California: Sometimes your whining makes me wish I liked alcohol.

~~~~

Florida: Gov, I'm helping!

Alabama: By... Making it harder?

Florida: Yep!

~~~~

Florida, singing: Everybody was kung fu fighting

New Jersey, to the tune Kung Fu Fighting: Everybody should shut the fuck up

~~~~

Washington's cat: *killing a bug.*

Washington: "Rip in half! Rip in half! Rip in half! When I say "beat" you say "that ass" Beat! *Long pause, points to Oregkn* Fill in for him!

Oregon: *slowly turns around in his spinny chair*

Washington: Aw, come on! You can say donkey instead. Beat!

*silence*

Oregon: No.

Washington: Fine. *dances out of the room* K-I-C-K-Y-O-A-S-S Oh yeeessss!

~~~~

Maryland: *playing a cheap toy recorder on a make-shift stage*

Massachusetts: MORE COWBELL!!

~~~~

California: I just love feeling like a menopausal woman.

~~~~

Oregon, sick: The crystal ladies said if you got sick after the eclipse, it's your ancestors banishing evil from your body.

Idaho: They're praying the gay away

~~~~

South Dakota: Wish me luck in war

Minnesota: You're not going to war, you're asking for a box

South Dakota: It's the same thing, damn it!

~~~~

Alaska: Penny for your thoughts?

Hawaii: I don't have any pennies.

Alaska: I don't have any thoughts!

~~~~

Louisiana: We can bring the baguette to and beat California with it...

Florida: Or Utah.

~~~~

Gov: If you could make any crime legal what would it be?

New York, Florida and Louisiana at the same time: Arson!

Gov: *mortified expression*

~~~~

Iowa, about chicken: Are you a thigh person?

Nebraska: I like legs... ThEy TrIeD tO pUt Me On ThE cOvEr Of VoGuE bUt My LeGs WeRe ToO LONGGGGG!

~~~~

Colorado: I need a stick!

California: I need a boyfriend, your point?

Colorado: ...Not that kind of stick.

~~~~

Oregkn: In high school my favorite past time was kissing boys.

Washington: *turns to California* Is that your favorite past time too?

~~~~

Texas: Why aren't bananas called yellows?

Florida: Because then Gwen Stefani couldn't use it in her song.

Louisiana: She'd just have to spell it different: This shit is yellows! Y-E-L-L-O-W-S!

~~~~

California: He's gay and he committed suicide.

New York: He's you... Don't commit suicide, please.

California: I WILL BECOME A MUSICAL!

New York: NOOO DO NOT BECOME A MUSICAL!

~~~~

North Carolina: I seriously hate you sometimes.

South Carolina Aww I love you too!

~~~~

Vermont: You wanna know the biggest dingus I know?

New Hampshire: You?

~~~~

Wisconsin: You're a yeasty beer

Illinois: You're a zesty beer

Wisconsin: Yeah well, your light in the loafers!

~~~~

Arizona: *says something dumb*

Nevada: Shaking my as- shaking my head.

~~~~

New York: *takes a drink of my pumpkin spice latte* Oh, that's delightful!

California: Look who's a white woman now?!

[later]

California: You basic white woman!

New York: I don't wanna talk about it...

~~~~

Louisiana: *throws a packet of French dressing at Florida, in a French accent* French

Florida: AAAAA IT'S FRENCH!!!

~~~~

Florida: Oh, I thought you were committing arson without me

Gov: If I ever decide to commit arson, I'll call you

~~~~

Florida: Ah yes, my favorite crime, trespassing. I'm joking... it's not my favorite crime

Georgia: What is your favorite crime?

Florida: Arson!

~~~~

Arizona: Finally a good song

New Mexico: Then why do you keep playing bad ones?

~~~~

*Either someone brought up Pedro Pascal*

California: He's the daddiest of daddies.

Texas: Don't say that ever again.

~~~~

Maine: There are more animals on the planet than humans and just think you could have been born a crab, but you were born a human"

Maryland: I wish I was a crab, then I could be crabby all day long

Maine: I'm all ready crabby all day long

Maryland: Yeah but if you were a crab you could crawl around and pinch people *walks away sideways with hands held like pinchers*

~~~~

Alaska: Why are you getting cologne

Hawaii: I want to smell like a masc lesbian.

~~~~

California: I've had morning sickness for the past five years

Florida: Are you pregnant-

~~~~

Washington: You can choose what you eat, whether it's vegetables, meat, or ass.

Nevada: *dying laughing* That threw me off guard.

~~~~

New York: PA, your turn to tell a word that means something bad

Pennsylvania: Would you consider emotional manipulation bad?

New Jersey: Yeah, I mean no, it turns me on

Pennsylvania: I guess my mom will really turn you on then

~~~~

Tennessee: Don't panic but there's a spider on your-

Kentucky: *Proceeds to scream bloody murder*

~~~~

Virginia: *sniffs bread.*

Virginia: "It's sourdough."

~~~~

New York: You know I'm insane, right?

California: I'm aware, but I don't care. It's one of your redeeming qualities.

[mimez-meme]

Uraraka headcanons‼️💖🪐 (togaocha and mini angst)

Toga was her awakening on who she was. (Bisexual) she was always in denial about it. She would say fruity stuff. Like always complimenting woman, saying she’d date Taylor swift if given the chance. (She’s a die hard Taylor swift fan) but she’s always like “but in a straight way!” Or “I’m straight!” but when she found toga her eyes was opened and she was like “holy shit.. I’m fucking gay!!” (Idk)

After togas death every blond person she came across reminded her of toga. It became a problem.

Sees present mic as a father figure. He calls her Kirby and she once gifted him a little Kirby figure and a handmade bracelet since she feels bad that hes always buying her stuff. Also her obsession for Kirby came from him since he started to call her Kirby.

Before meeting toga (again lmao 😭) she hated blood. You could say she kinda had a fear. She would feel sick at the sight. Which is ironic because she’s a hero so she always had to ignore it. But now.. she sees not afraid of blood. She sees it as almost a nice thing as you can do so much with blood such as save someone. She still hates it when she sees someone bleed but yk doesn’t most people? Also before toga she use to donate her blood but now she can’t bare the thought of sharing her(togas) blood. She can’t give toga away. Her blood isall she has left of toga.

As a kid, she still does now sometimes. Use to try and fly up to planes and wave hello to people on the plane, but she never did as her parents would stop her and because she didn’t have enough control over her power.

loves birds, kinda has a special interest in them. She finds every bird pretty and unique and if you were to say to her ‘what birds remind you of your classmates?’ She’ll be able to do that/answer in an instant. Her favourite one is a basic one but she loves robins.

She is SCARY. When on her period. Like no boy or girl dares to mess with her if they are aware that she is on her period, once punched Mineta because he was being annoying and she was on her period so she did NOT mess about.

Mina and uraraka always have midnight chats on Fridays or they watch a movie together. They talk about the most random shit ever, and the subject always changes fast between them.

LOVES toffee or chewy sweets she has an habit of biting her tongue so it helps her

Uses bakugo’s nicknames for people to piss him off

Was a Gacha kid and use to be one of those horse girlies (if yk yk) Use to go horse riding and she still loves horses and goes horse riding when she can.

Onesies Are like the only pj’s she has and there all silly weird/cute ones. She does have shorts and a tank top for when it’s hot

Her passcode to her phone use to be her birthday but after togas death she changed it to togas birthday

Has/use to 2 part time jobs to earn extra money, she gives the money to her parents unless she needs it. But she finds it hard to balance it all out with hero work ect so she can become stressed very quickly and overwhelmed, now only has 1 part time job and sometimes use to walk dogs with todoroki (if you saw my todoroki headcanons you’ll know)

Has an aesthetic phone layout (yk..)

Wants to have a pink lamborghini when older (she now has one after the timeskip)

ADORES Deers. Loves the bambi movie and whenever she sees a deer she feels like she has to name it

Loves to look at art online or irl. She loves art. She’s not amazing at it herself but that doesn’t stop her from loving art. She loves art that tell a story or have a meaning, she always finds them interesting and loves to guess the meaning before searching it up or anything, taking her to An art museum would be a good idea for a first date. (Or just any museum)

She likes hello kitty stuff even though she has never once watched the show

Type of mf to talk to animals or plushies

Listens to present mic radio show nearly every Friday. She falls asleep to it. (It’s literally 1am to 5am), sometimes she goes to sleep then wakes up at 1am to listen to it. Sometimes listens to it with jirou or izuku. Once called in.

coquette aesthetic/style

Always wanted/wants a little brother or sister but she knows it will be hard for her parents if so

Still has some of her childhood books, keeps them in her dorm and sometimes reads them before bed

Use to make her own perfume before present mic bought her perfume. She always smells good.

It matters to her if you say “I love you’ or “love you’ there’s a difference. May think you’re mad if you say “love you.”

Sometimes works out with kirishima , they both motivate eachother and they both surprisingly work well together

K-pop, indie fan, weirdly a country fan aswell

Has an allergy to bee stings, certain foods and has hay fever

Loves knitted stuff, knitted clothing, knitted pillows, anything knitted she can knit herself and makes her own little knitted stuff like she has mini knitted toys of each of her classmates that they give to them

Fear of the unknown, deep waters and spiders

Loves those stupid goofy mobile games

LOVESSSS bonfire night and fireworks, she finds them so pretty. Sometimes thinks about flying up and seeing them reallll close but she knows that’s dangerous and I’m not sure if she can even do that (I’m not 100% sure how her quirk works on herself)

Use to be a theatre kid and knew momo and iida through that since I headcanon that momo and iida were childhood friends and that momo also was a theatre kid so momo introduced uraraka to iida making them all childhood friends. Momos and iidas family would help uraraka’s family but they always felt bad about it so eventually they asked them to stop but they were very grateful and tried/tries to pay back their own way.

Adores spring

Has an habit of hugging her girl- friends from behind

After toga's death she kept having dreams about What life could of been like if she lived or what could of been like if they knew eachother sooner. One of the dreams were so realistic that she woke up crying.

[aaakikoo]

EVEN EVEN MORE ODDLY SPECIFIC BAKUGOU KATSUKI HEADCANONS

an -> check out pt1 & pt2 ! I tried to make more this time lol. This is part 3

1. professional cooker? it’s pretty obvious but like the food he makes is immaculate??? Like, top tier kind of desserts and meals? And the man won’t open his self driven restaurant (not that he has time to)

2. Knows how to do eyeliner better than you do, different kind of wings too, don’t ask why.

3. Takes care of his nails, it’s really random but like I feel he would have certain day(s) every week where he would only cut his nails during. Also he files them and takes care of them with nail oil.

4. likes flowers, very very much.

5. Biggest bully ever during secondary school. I see many people who romanticize him during that time but like I personally feel he would be the biggest bully ever who would call other people ‘gay’ as an insult & laughs at slightly chubby people specifically girls, and says every other slur there is in the book.

6. Only wears black socks.

7. Doesn’t use products of companies who animal test.

8. Prefers gold over silver.

9. I feel like he would make you buy him clear lipglosses he can use, bc like he want to be looking pretty with shiny lips n everything, but like not too much? He only wants shiny lips so he wouldn’t ask for red or pink glosses for example. He wants to hold on to his masculinity 💀

10. Has the mentality of Arab guys. Toxic, mansplains / manhandles everything, annoying, attractive & doesn’t show their emotions bc they’re alpha bros 💀💀

11. Doesn’t like earbuds, prefers headphones.

12. Has peanut allergy, idk why.

13. Has been to every single country in the world. Except a few 😬 ifykyk

14. Super interested in politics, like very and extremely.

15. Him and his friends went through the “I’m homiesexual” era, it was cringe but fun, he would laugh at himself everything he remembers it.

16. So this might be controversial but he would never, AND I MEAN NEVER call his partner “Teddy bear” 💀💀 this is Bakugou we are talking about, he wouldn’t even call his child that, those words would never escape his mouth not even ironically.

17. A very clean and organized person.

18. Has a 10 year journal, yep 👍

19. Believes in one higher power, like god, I don’t think he would be Hindu or Buddhist more of like Christian, Jew or Muslim. He believes in only one higher power, and that higher power is different from mankind.

20. Very academically smart but very stupid otherwise.

21. Really good at ice skating ? ⛸️

22. has a big attractive sexy nose, don’t ask any questions.

23. Brushes his teeth 3 times a day. After he eats breakfast, before he sleeps & after dinner.

24. Has a black phone.

24. Has a car collection, Porsches, Lamborghinis, Teslas & limousines, etc.

25. Absolutely loses his mind if one of his many cars gets a single little scratch.

26. Loves to watch ASMR restocking videos on social medias. He would even watch a compilation of them on YouTube.

27. Cringes whenever he visits someone who have a ‘home sweet home’ carpet.

28. Loves cats.

29. Had a leather jacket, motorcycle, all girls are the same & ‘why do good girls like bad guys’ phase, he absolutely regrets his life.

30. Loves cartoon shows, his favorite are adventure time, the amazing world of gumball & we bare bears.

[sarahowritesostucky]

📖"The Taste of You"

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Tags: Fresh AU, dark rom-com, dark!Bucky, pre-serum Steve, cannibalism, kidnapping, yandere/basement wife, meet cute-ish, gay sex n' stuff, dub-con bordering on non-con, ignoring of sexual boundaries

Summary: Steve is so tired of the meat market that modern dating has become. Just when he's deleted all the apps and given up on ever finding Mr. Right, he meets the perfect guy at the grocery store.

A dark, cute, funny, fucked up, and very tasty love story.

It's a Fresh AU. "If you can't handle the cannibalism, get out of the kitchen"--or something like that

4. Mise-en-Place

Wait! I haven't read the previous chapter(s)

Steve has to promise his coworker Daryl everything short of oral sex to get him to pick up his weekend shifts. But he does agree to do it.

And then Steve spends most of the week daydreaming about the upcoming trip with James. He packs and repacks his bag probably a dozen times. He doesn’t really know anything about what they’ll be doing, other than fucking and hanging out at the house. And he doesn’t know anything about the house except that it has a hot tub.

“The Catskills?” Clint complains when Steve calls the morning of his departure to let him know that he’ll be gone for a few days. “You’ve known this guy for a hot second and you’re letting him take you away to the middle of nowhere?”

Steve huffs. “It’s not the middle of nowhere. He’s got a house out there. He goes there all the time.” Steve stuffs his swim trunks into his already stuffed-full weekend bag, then wrestles the zipper closed. He plops down onto his bed with the phone at his ear. “Be happy for me. I really think this is going to go somewhere.”

Clint sighs over the line. “Fine. I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you,” Steve says primly.

“You’re welcome. Look, just … just let me know when you’ve gotten there safely, okay? And text me his address so I at least know where to send the cops for your body.”

“Thank you, Safety Officer Barton,” Steve drawls. “I’ll text you.” They say goodbye and Steve hangs up. He checks the time—still an hour to go. He sighs and tries to resist the urge to check and repack his stuff again.

Steve’s smile is massive as James pulls up in front of his building in the most ridiculous car Steve’s ever seen outside of a movie. “Wow,” he says.

James is movie star handsome in his windswept hair and sunglasses, jaw working as he chews a piece of gum. “Get in loser, we’re going shopping!”

Steve laughs at the line and tosses his bag in the backseat. He opens the passenger side door and slides in across buttery leather. “Is this a fucking Lamborghini?”

“Bugatti, baby,” James says, popping his gum. “You like it?”

“Well I’m not exactly a car guy but …” Steve looks around the interior and nods, impressed. “Don’t you think it’s too cold to have the top down?”

“Psh, 'course it is.” James pushes a button on the dash and the top starts coming out. He leans over and pecks a kiss to Steve’s cheek. “Just wanted to pull up in style.”

Steve hums, taking in the nice outfit James is wearing, how he manages to look so well put together even when he’s casual. (What is something like that called? A sports jacket?) “Yeah. I don’t think anybody could accuse you of not being stylish.” He tries to remember what all he’d stuffed in his bag that morning. It hadn’t all been tee shirts and jeans, had it? Hm. He fiddles with his hands, picking at where there’s still a bit of ochre #217 crusted under the nail. “This isn’t what you were driving on our date.”

“I usually keep this one out at the house,” James tells him. “I’m not about to shell out for a second parking space in fucking Midtown.”

Steve laughs at him, because anybody who drives a Bugatti sure as shit doesn’t have to worry about wasting a few grand on parking.

“Hey! It’s the principle of the matter,” James argues as they zip down Atlantic Avenue, headed for the interstate. “Some things are worth splurging on, some things aren’t.”

“Okay.” Steve settles back in his seat. “What’s worth splurging on, then?”

“Mm.” James pretends to think about it. “Cars to impress your new boyfriend,” he says, and Steve’s heart skips a beat. “Watches. I fucking love watches. Hm … travel, art, a view, privacy,” he continues listing, unaware that Steve’s still totally stuck on the first part. “And a good meal.” He looks over, grinning. “Don’t you think?”

“Um,” Steve licks his lips, trying to calm down. “Y-yeah. Yeah I guess all of those things.” He looks back out the windshield, thoughts spinning. Should he say something? He thinks he should. No better time than when they’re stuck together in a car. There’ll be no escaping the conversation. “So … are we boyfriends?” he asks, his voice coming out much quieter than he intends. He sounds exactly as nervous as he doesn’t want James to think he is. “I mean …” He looks over, can’t read James’ expression because the guy’s half cloaked by the aviators. “Are we?”

James takes one hand off the wheel and holds it out for Steve, threading their fingers together. “I was thinking that we were,” he says, not looking away from the road. “I haven’t been seeing anyone else since I met you. I haven’t wanted to.”

Steve swallows, the butterflies (or frogs or whatever-the-fuck idiom it is that lives in his stomach) jumping around happily. “Me neither,” he says. He tries not to beam too much, tries to be smooth and cool like James is. “Ah, that’s kind of what I was hoping for. What I was hoping you wanted.” He huffs and scratches at his neck awkwardly. “I just um, guess I’ve gotten used to not putting a label on things. ‘Boyfriend’ and stuff.�� He looks down. “Guys tend to disappear once you start talking like that.”

“Fuck. What sorts of losers have you been dating?” James says, and Steve is so honestly taken aback that he has to laugh at himself a little and concede the point.

“Yeah, I guess you might be right.”

“I know I’m right.”

It’s cute, how James has gentlemanly outrage for Steve’s lame ass dating life. Steve shrugs, smiling because it’s nice to feel wanted for once, instead of disposable. “S’fine. It just got disheartening after a while. I was starting to think maybe I’m one of those people who’s just meant to wind up alone. The odd one out. Ya know?”

It’s quiet, and when Steve looks over he’s surprised to find James staring at him, the aviators slipped down his nose to reveal his eyes. “Yeah,” James murmurs. “Yeah I know a little bit about being the odd one out.” On the center console, his hand gives Steve’s a squeeze. “And nobody’s meant to be alone, Honey.”

Steve’s chest constricts a little. He licks his lips and watches James watch him. He doesn’t think he’s ever met anybody with eyes as kind and as real as James’. He’s so fucking genuine that it makes Steve feel cracked open whenever James stares at him, peeled down to the raw bits underneath. “You know,” he says quietly. “I’ve never met somebody who looks at me like that.”

James’ mouth quirks. “Like what?”

“Hm. Like you know me already.” Steve turns his head with a sigh and lets his eyes slip closed while he feels the warmth of the sun coming in through the car window. “Like you can read my thoughts. Like you see something other people don’t. It’s intense.”

“... Too intense?”

“Mm mn.” Steve shakes his head. “No, actually I like it. It’s nice for a change. Makes me feel ... I dunno, almost kinda savored?”

When Steve peeks at him again, he’s treated to the sight of James, with his sunglasses pushed back up, grinning at the road. His smile is a slash of sparkling white across his handsome face, making him look too good to be true. “Somebody like you should be savored,” he tells him. “You know, I think I might keep you, Steve.”

Steve grins and turns his head to look back out the window as they drive farther and farther from the city.

“Wake up, sleepyhead.”

Steve opens his eyes, yawning as the car pulls to a stop. “Mm.” He stretches and unhooks his seatbelt. "We there?"

“We’re here.”

From the driveway, the house isn’t much to look at. It’s almost fully concealed within the expertly done landscaping, as if the house’s existence itself is supposed to be a secret. The custom building materials visible at the front door are severe but unique, hinting at what’s inside.

“Holy f—” Steve trails in after James, eyes wide as he looks around.

“Home sweet home,” James demures, dropping Steve’s bag on the kitchen island and walking over to the fridge. There’s the tinkle of ice as he pulls things from the freezer drawer. “So what do you think? It’s nice, right?”

“Um …” Steve walks slowly through the living room, taking in the expensive house. One glance around and anybody with two braincells to rub together would be able to tell that the place was completely custom made, from the studs right on up to the roof. “Yeah. It’s really ...” he looks around. “Intimidating.”

“‘Intimidating’,” James echoes, amused. He pours something amber from a crystal decanter. “I guess that’s fair. You told me I'm intimidating, and I am the one who designed it.”

Steve goes to sit on the couch. “No, I mean it’s great, don’t get me wrong.” He looks around, considering the dark wood and poured concrete and brick, the beaten leather sofas and various oddball art pieces that somehow feel right. “Very … midcentury meets 70’s eclectic.”

James smirks and brings their drinks over, handing Steve his. “Ya know, I know you’re a snobby artist,” he teases. “So I’m not sure if you’re actually complimenting my house or poking fun at it.”

Steve grins around his cocktail straw. “Well it’s more fun if I leave you wondering.”

James sits down next to him on the couch. “Gonna keep me on my toes?”

“Oh, always.”

“By the way, that’s my version of an old fashioned,” James tells him. They clink glasses in a little toast.

“To our weekend away,” Steve says.

“To our very relaxing weekend away,” James agrees. “By the way,” he nods at Steve’s glass. “There’s a little something extra in there. Want to try and guess what it is?

“Ooh. Okay. What are the stakes?”

James waggles his eyebrows. “Oral sex?”

Steve snorts. “Okay sure. But is there really a loser in that equation?”

“Probably not.” James gives him a wink. “But there is most certainly a winner.”

Steve brings his glass up for a thoughtful sip. “Hmm … peach?” he guesses.

James smirks and sinks back further into the couch. “Nope. Close though.”

Steve tries again, sips and thinks about it. “Apricot?”

“Nope.” James is looking delighted. “One more guess. You are close.”

“Well if it’s a stone fruit …” Steve frowns. “Oh! Nectarine?”

“Ha! Yep you got it.” James looks utterly pleased as he leans over to peck a kiss to his cheek. “Smart boy. You win."

Steve flushes at the words. “You don’t seem like a very sore loser.”

“There’s no bet I’d be happier to lose.” James heaves himself up off the couch with a deep sigh. “Alright, obligatory tour time?” He holds out his hand, and Steve is back to grinning like a fool as he lets his boyfriend show him around his intimidating—but also, really damn nice—house.

“It doesn’t feel very lived in,” Steve admits, as they’re changing into their swim trunks. James leads him to the back patio where there’s a hot tub sunken into the concrete. “I thought you said you spend a lot of time here?”

“I said I spend as much time as I can here. Which isn’t as much as I’d like.” James scoots over to sit beside him. “You know we didn’t actually have to wear swimsuits. We’re hours from the city.”

“So isolated. No neighbors at all?”

“Mm mn. Not for miles.”

“Wow. It’s strange to think that places like that even exist anymore.” Steve lays his head on James’ shoulder. “After a lifetime in Brooklyn, ya know? To think that there’s that much space left in the world for just two people?” He shakes his head. “S’crazy.”

“Yeah. But I like it.” James wraps an arm around his waist, holding him close. “It’s freeing, you know? You can just be yourself out here. Don’t have to worry about what anybody will think.”

“Think of what?” Steve asks, remembering how James has said similar things about enjoying privacy in the past. “Are you not out to your family, or something?”

James laughs. “No, not that. I’ve been out to everyone I know since med school. I just meant: in general, I find the seclusion relaxing. I don’t have to worry about nosy neighbors, or being too loud.” He squeezes Steve’s side playfully. “Or walking around butt naked if I want.”

Steve giggles. He pulls away from James in the water, turning to face him with a sly look. “Well, maybe you’re right then.” He slides out of his trunks and holds them up in show before tossing them away. They land with a wet 'splat' on the concrete. “Fuck swimsuits.”

James laughs in delight and copies him, tossing his shorts in the same direction. “Yeah, fuck ‘em.” They’re both laughing as he pulls Steve back in to straddle his lap, the water bubbling around them and mostly-obscuring their nudity. “Oh, Steve,” he sighs. “I’m so glad you let me bring you out here.” He reaches up and cups his jaw. “I really want to get to know you, intimately.” His thumb traces a tender path on Steve’s cheek. “It’ll be nice. Don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” Steve breathes. “Yeah, it really will.”

They talk for what feels like hours, flirting and sipping cocktails and trading jokes. They share their opinions on stupid topics and meaningful ones, interspersed with the few quiet moments that happen when one of them works up the nerve to tell the other about some intimate detail from their life.

Steve confesses that he'd reached a low point, after his mom's death, and that he hadn't improved until he'd sought out therapy. James receives the information with sympathy, and then keeps his eyes averted as he admits that he’s been married, once before. “It didn’t last long,” he mumbles, looking rueful about it. “Less than a year.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve says gently. “What happened?”

James shakes his head sadly. “He just wasn’t the one. We didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things and ... he left me."

Steve bites his lip, hating how sad James looks as he talks about it. He tries to lighten the mood by recounting the story of one hilariously bad date in recent memory. It gets James laughing again, which is a relief, and they fall back into the easy banter that seems to come so naturally to them. They’re both dog people. James prefers tea to coffee. Steve is a staunch murderer of houseplants. James fancies himself a gourmet cook.

“Yeah, you still have to prove that to me,” Steve teases as they head back inside, their discarded bathing suits left behind on the patio like shed skin.

James towels Steve off and pulls him into the bed, lying over him. “Oh, I'll prove it. Gonna cook you an amazing dinner tonight.” He dips down, kissing him gently. “But first, I think there’s a wager I lost that I need to make good on.” He kisses down Steve’s throat, his chest. “You want that?”

Steve squirms and nods, blood flowing south at just the thought of James’ beautiful mouth around his dick. “Yeah. Yeah, you definitely should. Don’t want to be a sore loser.”

“Definitely not. Especially since you’re such a gracious winner,” James continues kissing his way down, taking his time, big hands splayed out over ribs, caressing him. “Love your body, honey,” he murmurs against the pale skin of his stomach. He lets his hands slide further down, thumbs swiping over hip bones. “So sweet. So delicate.”

“Christ,” Steve complains, but James doesn’t let him get away with that.

“No. I mean it, Steven. Every part of you. You hear me?”

“Yeah yeah, I—” Steve inhales sharply as he’s suddenly enveloped in the wet heat of James’ mouth, not even very hard, yet. “Oh!”

“Mmhm,” James hums around his mouthful of rapidly-hardening dick. He sucks him gently, rubbing his hands over Steve’s hips, his belly, his sensitive inner thighs. He pops off and taps Steve’s cock against the flat of his tongue. “Feel good?”

Steve nods shakily. “Y-yeah. Yeah keep going. Please.”

James smiles and kisses his belly reverently, then takes him right back into his mouth. Even as Steve hardens all the way, James can still handle a lot, not choking even when Steve’s cock hits the back of his throat. Steve moans at a particularly strong suck. “James, yes,” he whispers, sliding his fingers into James' dark hair and holding him. “Oh, god …” A hand joins in, stroking while James lavishes attention at the head. He’s gentle in how he handles him, but utterly methodical. Steve’s hips kick up once James starts playing with his balls, and he whines near-desperately when a single finger ventures back to his asshole. “Oh fuck …”

James makes a pleased noise that reverberates all the way through Steve's cock and into his balls. He presses the tip of his finger in dry, takes him all the way down to the hilt—and swallows compulsively around the head of his dick.

Steve comes with a sudden cry, clinging to James helplessly as he spurts against his tongue. "Ah ah, ahnn ..." James hums and holds him and sucks him through it, only pulling off once Steve is shivering in oversensitivity. He lays his cheek on Steve’s stomach and waits him out while he recovers. “S-sorry,” Steve pants. “I didn’t mean to—”

“Shh, it’s okay.”

Eventually Steve’s breathing calms, and he opens his eyes again. He looks down at where James is resting against his stomach, his dark hair against Steve’s pale skin, mouth red and shiny with cum. “Fuck,” Steve breathes. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous.”

James licks his lips clean, staring up at him. “And you’re delicious.” He climbs back up his body, dick hard and insistent where it drags a wet line across Steve’s belly. “Can I fuck you, Sweetheart?” he asks, the words sweeter than they have any right to be as he dips down and kisses him with the taste of cum still on his lips. “Is that okay? or are you too sensitive?”

Steve shivers, rolling his hips up even though his dick has gone soft. “No. No, you can,” he breathes, reaching down to take hold of James' cock and give it a squeeze. It's so hot and big, and the feeling of it throbbing against his palm makes arousal flare back to life in Steve’s belly. “Just … just go slow, yeah?”

James kisses him tenderly, promising, “Of course. Always. Hang on a sec.” He stretches away for the bedside drawer, and then his weight returns. He encourages Steve to roll over onto his front, gently maneuvering a pillow under his hips. “There you go,” he praises, running a hand down the center of his back, over his ass and then the back of one thigh. “God, Steve ... You’re a fucking wet dream, you know that?”

Steve huffs. “Yeah, sure.” He pulses down against the pillow, dick spent but still enjoying the sensation. He gasps when he suddenly feels James nosing between his cheeks. “Oh! Oh fuck, are you gonna —”

“Yeah,” James breathes out against his hole and grabs handfuls of his ass. He squeezes. “Oh, Baby. This fuckin’ peach of an ass." He kisses just below Steve’s tailbone and murmurs, “You’re so small but you got the roundest little ass I ever saw. You know that, Honey?”

Steve makes a tiny sound of protest, but then in the next second James is licking right over him, lapping and sucking at his hole like he can’t get enough. Steve grunts into the sheets and screws his eyes shut, panting at how good it feels. “God, ugh, James …”

James tongues and sucks at him, pulls away with the wettest, filthiest sound possible and growls, “Just want to eat this ass up.”

Steve cries out at the sharp pinch of teeth on his ass, but that sound bleeds into a groan when James sucks hard on the spot, almost certainly securing a bruise in Steve's future. “Fuck,” Steve pants quietly, grinding down against the pillow beneath his hips. He realizes he’s getting hard again just as James starts to really tongue fuck his hole—quick, dirty little jabs that make Steve clench and twitch, desperately aware of how much more he wants to feel. “James,” he gasps, mouth gone dry. He turns his head and pants. “James, oh, please. Please, come on.” He huffs and whines and tries to reach back, and James gets the hint.

He crawls up Steve’s body and seals his chest to Steve's back, kneeing his legs apart, laying his full weight into him. He kisses the nape of Steve's neck and slowly slides his hands all the way down the length of his arms, hands covering Steve's smaller ones at the very end. Steve groans at how good it feels.

“Oh, Daddy.”

He doesn’t mean to say it. It just slips out.

James is quiet for a heartbeat, feeling Steve's back tensing beneath him. He hums smugly and starts kissing and licking at his neck. “Aw, what’s wrong?” he coos. "You embarrassed, Princess? Just cause you like Daddy’s tongue in your ass? Does that get you real worked up?” Steve whines in mortification and James snickers. He licks along the shell of his ear. “Oh yeah, that’s what it is. You’re embarrassed cause you need Daddy to put something a little bigger up there, don'tcha? You need it, and you don’t want to have to ask.”

Steve moans weakly, tears nearly coming to his eyes at how easily James just accepted it, went with it. Fuck, he’s too good to be true. “Yes,” he whispers, pushing his ass back the little bit that he can, with James’ big body weighing him down. “Yeah Daddy, please.”

“Okay. Yeah, okay Baby,” James exhales shakily, as if this is getting to him just as much. “Anything you want, you know that? You can have it.” He kisses Steve’s shoulder and lubes up his fingers, dragging them right over Steve’s hole. “Relax for me, Honey. Just let me make you feel good.”

He presses in with two, slowly, and Steve gasps at the sudden pressure and the stretch. “Oh,” he pants quietly against the sheets, “Oh f-fuck ..."

“Okay?” James asks. He hooks his fingers and gives a slow drag out. “Hm?”

“Yeah,” Steve whispers. His eyes are closed and his brow furrowed as he focuses on the feeling. “Fuck, yeah. It’s–it's good ... oh…”

James pushes back in. He starts up a slow but steady rhythm, fucking him softly on two fingers until Steve’s pressing back into it eagerly, ready enough for another. “Fuck, Honey,” he groans when Steve is clenching and moaning on three of his fingers, wet and loose and pushing back into it, crying out when he gets at his prostate just right. “You ready for my cock, baby?” James asks, already pulling his fingers out.

“Yeah,” Steve says, nodding eagerly and squirming. “Yeah. Condom?”

James hums and rolls his hips, sliding his dick through the slicked up valley of Steve’s ass. “I got tested,” he murmurs. “Don’t need one.”

“What? But—”

James hushes him with a kiss to his shoulder. “We don’t need one,” he whispers, reassuring him. “It’s fine.”

Steve whines, trying to think past the haze of his lust. “Yeah but I … I don’t think—”

James has propped himself up on one arm and is holding his dick with the other, guiding it where he wants it, rubbing the head against Steve’s hole. His knees spread Steve's legs wider, and Steve whimpers,

“Oh, w-wait,”

“Shhh.” James presses harder. His cock slips inside. “Theere we go.”

Steve’s breath catches at the feeling. “Fuck, oh …”

“Beautiful.” James falls back over him, body heavy and warm, cock sliding in in in, until his hips meet Steve's ass. "Oohyeah." He grinds into him and kisses his shoulder. “You’re okay,” he soothes, hips rocking just the barest bit, his cock huge and unrelenting where it's fully seated. “S'that good? Tell Daddy how it feels."

Steve whimpers and nods tightly, because it does feel good. It feels amazing. He loves this part, always has; the first few, overwhelming seconds of being penetrated, being taken. It’s so full, so much pressure inside that he can hardly stand it. “Y-yeah,” he says shakily, thinking about the condom, how James is bare up inside him right now. “S’big. Oh, fuck, James …”

“Yeah,” James says, moving against him in another, dirty grind. Then he seeks out Steve’s mouth and kisses him as he starts to fuck him softly.

And Steve kisses back, accepting the slide of James’ tongue and the hot push of his cock as the pleasure mounts. His cock throbs against the pillow and his insides begin to coil tighter and tighter, wanting more. He tries to fuck back harder, tries to wedge a hand underneath of himself, but James catches him in against his body and rolls them over, Steve still held captive against his chest. He hooks a heel over Steve's shin, curls a hand at the base of his neck. His other hand slides down his belly, bumping his cock but not reaching to take him in hand. He just holds him still while he keeps rolling his hips, fucking up into him languidly.

It’s frustratingly slow but it’s at the right angle. In fact it’s at such a fucking perfect angle, and the feeling of being trapped so thoroughly against James' body is so nice, that Steve starts to get close anyway. He cries out and begs, telling James how good it is, babbling at him, begging him for just a touch, just a little more. “I’m gonna cum, please. Ohgod, ohmygod ...” He reaches for himself, cries out loudly when James knocks his hand away, denying him with a breathy,

“Wait.”

“Please!” Steve hiccups, voice small and thready. He’s so close.

“You feel perfect, Steve,” James whispers, kissing the side of his head. “Feels so fucking good for me, inside of your body. D’you know that?” He rolls his hips deep and stays buried up in him, finally wraps his hand around Steve’s cock.

Steve sobs and thrashes against him. “Oh, please! Uhn, ah ah—”

“You beg so pretty, Honey.” James holds him tighter at the neck and strokes him off—so tight and slow. It’s so good, so close but not enough ...

“I–I need,” Steve gasps,

“Shshsh, I know, I know. You’re so close, aren’t you Baby?” James is hardly thrusting now, just grinding his cock inside Steve while he jerks him off. “So close,” he whispers. “You can almost taste it.” He flicks his tongue over the shell of Steve’s ear and Steve sobs.

He nods against the hand on his neck, relishing the way that he’s being held so tight, controlled so completely, coaxing words whispered right into his skin, working him closer and closer to the edge. Fuck, there really are tears in his eyes now. “P-please,” he begs wetly. “Oh.”

“It’s okay,” James coos, squeezing his cock even harder and going faster, knuckling under the head on every stroke. It’s enough, finally. Oh. “Let me feel you now, Honey. Right on my dick. Let Daddy feel it happen.”

It's that knuckle under the head that does it; that, and Bucky's voice purring reassuring filth in his ear. Steve grunts as his orgasm breaks inside, that high tide of pleasure finally tipping over and crashing so good that it hurts. “Oh, god, ohfuck ...” He seizes in James’ hold, voice sticking in his throat as he goes silent and shoots off hard, pulsing and pulsing with it. So fucking good.

James groans and curses beneath him. He wraps both of his huge arms around Steve’s middle and holds him like a sex doll while he ruts into him, chasing his own climax until he’s coming, too. He fucks him through it, until his cum is slipping back out around his slowing thrusts and his softening dick, their bodies messy and wet. “Fuck,” he pants hotly against the back of Steve’s neck. “Steve.”

Steve whines at the feeling when James pulls out, the rest of his cum following a second later. “Oh god. Ugh.”

James chuckles and moves him on the bed. He lies over him, one leg thrown over Steve’s and a hand cradling his face. "C'mere, you."

They kiss, long and slow, lips dragging softly together. James hums and speaks without pulling away. “Well, that was amazing.”

“Yeah.”

He sighs and rolls onto his back. “Come here. Put your head on my chest. Lemme hold you.”

Steve obeys, turning into James and wrapping an arm over his middle, while he thinks about the cum he can still feel leaking out of his ass.

He’d tried to stop it, had felt wrong going bare when they hadn’t talked it over first. He bites his lip, unsure how to say anything now without ruining the afterglow. Maybe he can’t.

“I love making love to you, Steve,” James says quietly, tracing fingertips along his spine. “You’re so beautiful. Perfect.”

“Yeah,” Steve murmurs back, smiling a little because he’s just been fucked probably better than he ever has in his whole entire life.

... Even if James did ignore him about the condom, it was still fucking amazing.

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[ask-miss-lady-sasaki]

*pulls in with his red Lamborghini and steps out* SASAKI, WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON?? CRYSTAL TEXTED ME ABOUT LIGHT BEING GAY OR SOMETHING-

-Matsuda (@asktoutamatsuda)

“ nice car and yes , she found lights little “private book” and it seems he is very very gay”

[transcodedtit]

Got another toy! This time it's my first experience with badcube. He's so fun, even if he's complex. Red Alert was one of my childhood favs

Doesn't hurt that he's was one of the og gays with Inferno

[mutsky]

tsou ep 7 i cannot believe we are almost at the end

-i get fahlada a little too well i hate being represented like this

-:(((((

-these women have never worn a comfortable piece of clothing in their lives

-pulling off her clothes just to cuddle?

-🥴🥴

-this guy is trying so hard for what

-why am i laughing she didnt mean it like that shes just gay

-period tell her

-this man is such a pushover oh my god we are rooting for you (to give up and give in to your homosexual tendencies) but you are making it difficult

-oh they set this man up with their rizzless gay bestie

-homosexuality everywhere khun mae get used to it

-bow is the only doctor with rizz apparently

-YOU LISTENED TO TAN FOR ADVICE???

-omg lets fujo out ladies

-even their pjs look stiff

-and just like that the truth comes out

-oh this lie goes deeper than i thought the mom is evil

-shes pretending to be okay with the gay thing

-ok people in the comment section are saying lada is strong for carrying the suitcase downa mama she put in three suits and called it a day theres nothing in there

-weak slap

-im so sorry why does she drive a red lamborghini does that make sense to you

-oh shes quitting thats crazy

-last supper shes not dying actually im this dramatic about people leaving my job

-she doesnt save lives shes a dermatologist

-let me show you how its possible mama

-you dont want your daughter you want a toy to play with

-gonna be honest idc about her crocodile tears

-now shes gonna die to be petty 🙄 we do not give a fuck

we need to stop being nice to homophobic parents oh my god

im gonna spend all finale annoyed i can just tell

[jamietxrtt]

episode three. SO MUCH IS HAPPENING.

GAY COLIN GAU GCCOLIN GAY COLIN CAY GOLK.NNNZNSFKDJNDSFJSDFNSEMFKJSF

THEY KISSED!!!! THEY KISSED ONSCREEN!!!! i knew we were gonna get gay colin from the filming spoilers but OH MY GOD. AN ACTUAL QUEER KISS. ON SCREEN. IN TEDLASSO. ASHDHASDFHDFSSMGHKJWRBGKRWGWREGNWR

so curious about who his boyfriend is??? why is he casually flying to dubai??

also the first time i watched this i mistook it for being jamie’s house and i was like HOLD ON HANG ON A MINUTE HOLD ON HOLD ON HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE

he looks so nervous when walking from the door to the car like he’s trying to hide from anybody else around but. babe you think they won’t notice your bright orange lamborghini??? like i think you have to be more worried about getting caught when ur IN the car not out of it

THE INTRO FAKEOUT ALSKJFLSDJGRKGJERG

“if my maths” roy nods “are correct” roy shakes his head. i think bc it’s supposed to be plural? i’m american idk

also!! roy encouraging ted with that little nod was actually really cute and sweet!!

OHHHHHHH ROY SAID COLIN’S A CHAMELEON. OHHHHHHH. see the first time i watched this i heard “colin’s a comedian” and i was like huh this must be some football terminology i don’t know. you call someone who’s a really versatile player a comedian? hm that’s a funny name. well football is wacky!

in s2 jamie calls roy a “grumpy old twat” and ted says “now i agree with the grumpy part, but those other two i take issue with.” now in s3 roy calls jamie a “fragile little bitch” and ted just says “yep that’s what i meant, thanks roy”. part of a pattern of ted defending roy but not defending jamie in the same circumstances-- which is honestly fair, i get why he’d like roy better, but it’s an interesting pattern to notice

ted calling higgins “higgie bear” :)

“fuck yeah, princess diaries!” reminds me of beard in s1 “fuck yeah, the gershwins!”

jamie literally physically getting pushed out by zava aww

also “come on, hurry up and get dressed, we don’t want to keep our newest teammate waiting!” smash cut directly to everyone being kept waiting by said teammate

ted referencing richmond VA made me laugh bc that’s the first thing i always think of when i hear richmond lmao

HEHEHEHEHE KEELEY CLEARLY HAS A BIT OF A CRUSH ON ZAVA. her sticking her hand straight out with the little “hii!!!!!” girl can’t get over those hot famous footballers can she

and SHANDY’s into him too. everyone is stunned by zava

except, it seems, rebecca… right after zava says “you are the glue” to higgins, she gets this look on her face like she’s realizing something… it made me think back to last episode, where she talked about how rupert had the ability to make you feel special, like you were chosen just because he deigned to talk to you, and how that made you addicted to his attention. i think she’s now seeing that zava’s doing the exact same thing-- he knows exactly what to say to make everyone charmed, to make everyone feel special. to make his approval the most important thing you could get. i think that’s why rebecca is one of the few who’s immune to his charm-- she’s had plenty of practice resisting that kind of manipulation.

“how did the damage control go?” “oh it was a mess, but he was adorable” ALSKJFLKSDJF SAME SHANDY

everyone keeps having very interesting reactions to shandy. keeley says “we work together” and they’re still like ??? and then she says “and we’re old friends” and they’re like oh NOW it makes sense. both higgins did it and later the boys when she’s talking to them about the interview stuff. and possibly rebecca did something similar last episode but i can’t remember. i think it’s meant to show how they don’t really think she’s super professional so they need an extra bit of explanation for WHY she’s working with keeley? i wonder if that will become a point of tension between them. “you keep telling everyone i’m your friend like you needed some excuse to hire me, like i’m not good enough just on my own, so you have to explain why i’m here. do you actually think i’m capable of this or are you just pitying me? why did you offer me the job if you don’t actually think i’m capable of doing this?”

my first reaction when zava walked into the locker room: “ah, so zava is jesus”

i like the bit where he keeps standing in front of ted ASKJFLKSJF i found that funny

calling the kitman “the most important person in the room” interesting contrast to s1 jamie and the rest of the guys who always tormented the kitman. zava is self absorbed and possibly insidious but in a very different way

also when he gestures to jamie like he thinks jamie is the kitman and roy sees it and smiles ASLDFJLKSJ ROY. also jamie’s look after zava points at him like “bitch?” and the way he looks to roy like “can you believe this shit?”

“i too worked as a ballboy when i was eleven years old” “i’m… twenty five” see this is a perfect example of the insidiousness of zava!! he’s claiming to appreciate will but infantilizes and disrespects him in the process… it’s a very “aww, aren’t you adorable” kind of smug demeaning attitude… but done through the cover of appreciating him, so it still looks like he’s a good guy

the joke of him letting out the breath and everyone else running out of air ASLKFJLKDSJFLKDSJFLSDKFj as a singer i appreciate that joke so much…. like how much fkn lung capacity do you HAVE

ted looking to roy to talk to zava ALKSDJFLKDSJFLSDKJFSDLJFDSLJF and then roy’s “you’re the fucking coach!!”

all the boys in the back peering into the coaches office ASKDJFLSDKJFLSK

i never understand any of the jokes in this show AKLSJFLSKFJSLD i’m so unknowledgeable about pop culture the references always fly right over my head

hi this is just to remind everyone that hannah waddingham is an excellent actor. every time i see one of her face journeys they’re just so immaculate. her reaction shots are always SO GOOD. you can always clearly see exactly what she’s thinking but without it being hammy or over the top. she’s perfect at it

“because your mother was a skeptic” lmaooo, you can see how much rebecca LOVES being told that she’s more like her mother than she thought she was aSLDKFSDLKFJS

like i realize that tish is a scam artist but i also kind of love her for the aesthetic alone. i would kill to live in this house

as SOON as tish said “there’s thunder and lightning” i immediately thought “you deserve someone who makes you feel like you’ve been struck by fucking lightning”

“you’re drenched and you’re upside down but you’re safe” it’ll be scary and you’ll be turned around but it’s okay, love is worth it, you’re safe

i thought the “you’re going to be a mother” thing was gonna pull rebecca back but i’m proud of her for recognizing it as the control/scam tactic it is. identifying the thing your client cares about most (tish talks to deborah once a month so she’d probably know that rebecca has always wanted kids, or otherwise it’s not a hard thing to guess would be a sore subject given the rupert drama, and the fact that rupert now has a kid with someone besides her, is public knowledge), whether it be kids, a dead loved one, money, fate, etc, and using that as leverage to get them to stay, thereby giving them false hope about something genuinely important to them-- like say, communicating with a dead loved one-- and setting them up to be crushed just so you can get them to stay and keep paying you.

however i’m still unclear on how much the show wants us to be on tish’s side bc later the green matchbox thing comes true so?????

shandy confronting roy about the breakup AHHHHH girl i know you’re trying to help by defending keeley but you are putting her in a SO MUCH MORE AWKWARD POSITIONNNN

keeley has spent the whole season so far trying to paste a fake smile on top of a situation she feels is spiraling out of her control :(

beard’s little HEHEHEHEHEHE after he tricks ted about the wordle ASKLDJFLKDSJFDSLK I LOVE HIM

also you can tell how long s3 was in production because they made this when wordle was still the big craze lololol

when jamie says “i think we’ve got a good thing going here, and zava’s already fucking it all up!” roy gives an interesting look. i took it to mean “i agree but i don’t like the fact that i agree with fucking jamie”

“thanks for hearing me out” “thanks for speaking your mind! please continue to do so!” reminds me of ted in s2 to sam “you are a leader on this team. i want you to speak your mind.”

“i weren’t being ironic, i was being hypocritical” jamie corrects people on language twice in this ep (later he corrects roy with prima donna vs pre-madonna), which is interesting because of his historical difficulties with language (nail in the ashes, instant caramel, etc). i wonder if he’s been trying to pay more attention to that? or if this is supposed to say that jamie has been smarter than everyone thought all along and he’s just been playing dumb? (like how when beard asks him “isn’t that a bit ironic?” he says “...i dunno” as if he’s too thick to get what beard means when he says ironic. but then later when he says “i wasn’t being ironic, i was being hypocritical,” it both shows that he DID understand what beard meant, and also that he’s smart enough to correctly label the interaction himself. so then why didn’t he just say that earlier, why did he pretend like he didn’t get what beard meant by ironic? maybe this is supposed to say that he was pretending in the past, too. …or maybe i’m reading too much into this bc i love him lololol)

also the fact that jamie was freely able to admit he was being hypocritical!! like he understands that he was the same way in s1, but when he was the same way (it’s all about me, just give me the ball and i’ll win all the games for us, you all are just my backup dancers) it was seen as a huge problem and a red flag and a detrimental effect on the locker room. and now when zava does the same thing it’s okay? like jamie understands that he was the same way, but he also understands that the way he was was WRONG. so why is it not still wrong when zava does it?

“now remember, this 4-5-1 is not about dropping back. it’s about getting fucking service into the box for zava” and the fact that they have penalties: zava, free kicks: zava, corners: zava, is all verrrrry interesting. because jamie in s1 was the same way! “Look, our whole offense right now is all give-and-go. Give the ball to Jamie and everyone else can go to hell.” which is literally now the strategy they have with zava!!! but when that was the case with jamie, it was seen as a HUUUGE PROBLEM that needed to change! why is it fine when it’s zava in that place instead?

isaac asking colin if he was alright is very very sweet. i love a good captain and friend <3

also written on the board “make this match your match-terpiece” i love teddd that’s so cute

and then zava breaking up the hand circle to make them put their hands on HIM and HE takes the richmond on three instead of the captain…… mmmmm don’t like it

when jamie lingers behind and gives ted that “told ya so” look AKLSJDFLKSDFJ. remind me of when sam did the same thing in s2 when jamie first came back

also i can’t tell what beard says right after that so if anyone else can make it out pls lmk

“i can’t remember michelle’s cell phone number.” “OHHHH.”

that trump impression was so painful. but i think it was supposed to be

also he calls her “michelle keller” which is very interesting, i don’t think we’ve ever learned her maiden name, bc ted still has her in his phone as “michelle lasso”

the look on jake’s face when he realizes it’s ted. he’s just like “and that’s when i knew i fucked up”

“dr jacobs?” “yeah, uh, you can just call me jake!” ASLKFDJSLKDJFSKD YEAH I’LL BET BUDDY u are so getting your license revoked

and then him begging michelle to take the phone and that whispered “it’s ted” and then it’s MICHELLE’S turn to go “and that’s when i knew i fucked up”

laurel pointed this out to me but henry picking jamie’s number for his soccer team is so cuteeeee

i do like michelle and jake’s little mouthed conversation “i’m sorry” “no, i’m sorry”

ted listening over the phone to jake saying “come on, bud. you ever seen a subaru…” and you can tell his heart is just breaking bc it should be HIM driving henry to his soccer game

when zava told jamie “get open, i will find you” i genuinely thought that meant he was going to pass to jamie and was trying to win jamie over too by giving him chances to score. but obviously not. he was just fucking with his head a think.

also did he slap jamie’s ass????????

ted on the verge of another panic attack :(((((((

and just as a jamie stan i really hate how zava’s halfway line goal kinda shows up jamie’s amazing penalty goal from last season but that’s just me being biased ALSJDFLKDSJFKD

dani on zava’s back is so cuteeee

YESSSS I LOVE A MONTAGE

jamie walking into them meditating and then walking right back out asKLFDJSLFJSKJFSASLKDFJSLKDJF that was so funny

also love how the whiteboard in that scene just says “OM”

saw someone comparing zava to a mini cult leader and yeah tbh true

ted facebook stalking his ex’s new man while drinking alone in his apartment :( ted baby no this is not the way

rebecca’s “what the fuck am i doing?” look when she catches herself looking for the green matchbook SKLJFLKSJF

colin texting his boyf in the locker room that’s risky man, anyone could look over ur shoulder

fucking zava stealing jamie’s first goal of the season makes me so mad. again this is just bc i’m a jamie stan. but still

aaaand roy definitely notices when zava steals that goal and doesn’t look too enthused about it. again i think he’s kind of agreeing with jamie that zava is not cool but doesn’t want to admit that he’s agreeing with jamie. (i think this is all leadup to him offering to train jamie later on, like he wants jamie to best zava too)

again allow me to be a jamie stan for a minute: them winning for the first time at man U…. an AWAY GAME at man u…….. so IN MANCHESTER….. and zava scored a hat trick, meaning nobody else scored….. so jamie didn’t score….. while in manchester….. do u see where i’m going with this

RUPERT BEX BABY

dani mimicking zava with the snapping is very very cute

DANI MADE ZAVA A FRIENDSHIP BRACELET… SO CUTE

colin and his boyf (michael?) being “wingman” for each other…. mmm not a bad cover story! interesting that they had that so rehearsed, wonder how often they use that line

beard ordering “a single and a double…. a triple….” just like ted did back in the gala ep HAHAHA

beard and jane continue to make me uncomfortable

roy noticing jamie sitting alone and going to talk to him is actually really sweet….

JAMIE EARRINGS??? I DIDN’T REALIZE HE HAD HIS EARS PIERCED

also jamie forever with the icon branded stuff ALSKFJSLKFJSDLKFJ

“god’s gift to people who have everything” very interesting to me that jamie phrases it like this, because…. doesn’t he also kinda have everything????? he’s mega stupid rich. what does he mean by “everything”?

“you used to be the best. now you’re not. it happens.” roy knows this from experience, jamie. the same thing happened to him. also i like his little nod on this line. he’s genuinely trying to be supportive. it’s very sweet :) i like roy trying to give jamie some guidance, i think it’s very sweet

also jamie “you thought i was the best?” hehehe he cares what roy thinks… roy’s always gonna be his childhood hero from his poster <3

roy’s “but only if you fuckin’ mean it” to jamie is the same thing he said to phoebe’s soccer team last season hehe

“yeah, she’s great, i love how not shy she is” and rebecca is immediately like OPE BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT ALSKFJLKSDJFSD

keeley and rebecca looking at sam, then roy, then jamie…. you ever have a nightmare where all your exes are in the same room? keeley and rebecca live in that every day ALSDKFJDSLKFJDSLJFSDLKF

the two of them realizing “wow, we truly are both in the most awkward of situations here” is very funny ASKLDJFLKSDJFSD

wtf was that thing about avocados about? where did zava get avocados from? i don’t get this interaction what is it trying to say

noticed a little continuity error lol. when sam is receiving the matchboxes you can see beard and jane behind him just sitting and talking but then in the very next shot they’re making out and she shoved him away lol

MIND UR OWN BUSINESS TRENT. MIND UR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS.

man. SO MUCH happened this ep. these 50 minute episodes are gonna kill me

[mirandamckenni1]

DAINTY WILDER TEACHES CHRIS DELIA ABOUT SQU*RTING PILLOWTALK UNCENSORED: https://ift.tt/dLzAmPU Tune in to a captivating episode of Pillow Talk, where host Ryan Pownall and this epi's legendary co-host Chris D'Elia sit down with the beautiful Dainty Wilder. This episode takes you behind the scenes of the adult entertainment world through Dainty's lens, as she shares her personal experiences and insights from the industry. Known for her unique presence and perspective, Dainty opens up about the challenges and triumphs of her career, giving listeners a rare glimpse into her life. Chris, with his quick wit and humor, ensures the conversation is not only insightful but also full of laughs. Together, they navigate the complexities and nuances of a life less ordinary. So, get ready for an episode that's as honest as it is engaging. Don't forget to like, share, and subscribe to Pillow Talk for more deep dives into fascinating lives and stories. Presented by Sinparty. Click this link to signup and get $5 FREE: https://ift.tt/5gdSWpo Use code “PILLOWTALK” and we'll DOUBLE your first deposit! PILLOWTALK UNCENSORED: https://ift.tt/dLzAmPU Check out our sponsors for some goodies and to support the show! IF YOU'RE TRYNA STAY ROCK HARD: https://ift.tt/lcBJvPK FOR MEN'S PLEASURE: The Enhanced Male - 15% OFF https://ift.tt/CWiu6Lp BECAUSE I GOT HIGH: Viia Hemp - 15% OFF + Free Sample (Use code:PILLOWTALK) https://bit.ly/3Tb99rS IF YOU'RE TRYNA GET BIGGER: Bathmate - 10% OFF https://ift.tt/fevk2HB SOCIALS: Dainty Wilder: https://ift.tt/Hfje4Sl @dainty_wilder@daintymillder Chris Delia: https://ift.tt/C69GHTt @chrisdelia Ryan Pownall: https://ift.tt/R71hcpC @itsryanpownall EPISODE 130 Produced by Three Entertainment Group https://ift.tt/F3bUjOw 0:00 Intro 2:08 Welcome Dainty Wilder & Chris D’Elia 3:44 Dainty explains squirt vs pee 5:42 Accidentally tasting c*m 7:00 What’s the ideal amount of time for s*x 11:22 Cucks got it figured out + Nervous D 13:55 Guys who like shame 16:42 Eating butt 18:48 Dainty’s collabs 20:44 Amouranth beef + Twin BJ 26:22 Chris, Ryan & Johnny Sins human centipede 30:01 Blowing Lamborghini employee 34:45 Vegan 💩 OF request 36:44 Selling bottles of squirt 39:34 Dainty 💦 on Ryan’s gay assistant 43:33 How to squirt 45:34 Sinparty’s got Talent 49:33 Dainty’s favourite female talent 50:40 Chris filming himself + 🌽 Acting 54:55 Chris gets a 🍆 pump via YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuypnffWdw4

[thisismysecondrodeo]

Men of Mystery

AN: Based on this drawing because wow if that’s not the setup for two mysterious men hooking up in the backseat of an old car I don’t know what is. Shout out to @broadwayfreak5357 and @theoriginalvelocipastor for encouraging this BeardTrent lol

Tags: Coach Beard/Trent Crimm, Queer!Coach Beard, Gay!Trent Crimm, Brief Non-speaking Appearance by Colin, Men Kissing!!!, Coach Beard's first name is Eugene because its the first thing I thought of

Fic masterlist

-

Of all the people Trent might see walk out of the AFC Richmond training room after he’d locked his keys in his car, Beard wasn’t the worst option. Especially because he knew Beard wasn’t the type to implicate himself in anyone’s business. 

Beard, on the other hand, was relieved that the tense, long-haired beauty in the parking lot was just Trent Crimm, Independent, and not Jane. He’d finally gotten the courage to end things and she had taken it about as well as he’d expected which meant he was constantly checking around corners and muting his phone. He planned to just leave Trent to his business but when he locked eyes with the man in the blazer he could read the embarrassment from a distance and he knew something was up. 

“Mr. Crimm,” Beard greeted with a nod. 

Trent sighed as he answered. “Hello, Coach Beard.”

Silence fell between the men. Trent didn’t want to ask for help, but he also didn’t want to call his father to come to bail him out, or worse, run into Rebecca after Beard. Beard could tell Trent wanted to say something, so he waited him out. 

“I, ah, well… how was training?”

Beard smirked. “Trent.” And there was something in the way that the coach used Trent’s first name that brought heat to his cheeks. This man could see right through him somehow, and as much as Trent wanted to be resentful about it, he couldn’t help but be intrigued. Coach Beard was a challenge, and hadn’t he just told Ted he was looking for something…deeper?

“Ah, it's off the record. I am no longer a journalist. I actually was just here to tell Ted that and now I’m…stuck.” 

“Stuck,” Beard repeated, looking between Trent and his car. 

“I locked my keys inside,” Trent explained sheepishly and Beard smirked, immediately swinging his backpack off and rifling through it quickly, taking a knee on the concrete by the driver’s side door. He seemed like he was on a mission so Trent didn’t ask what he was looking for, just watched the muscles in his back ripple under his short sleeve polo as he moved around. 

“Aha,” Beard said under his breath, holding up a pointed piece of metal that glistened in the sun. He immediately inserted the tool into the lock of the door. 

“You’re picking the lock? How long will that—” 

Before Trent could finish the sentence, Beard popped the lock audibly and looked up at the other man with a shit-eating grin. “Done.”

“How in the bloody hell did you learn to do that?” Trent couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice but Beard was pleased that it was more admiration than judgment. The truth was Beard had a bit of a checkered past, one that he always thought journalists might delve into at some point. But even after Trent’s article about Ted, he had a feeling Trent wouldn’t hold him against it. 

“Well now, Trent, I’ve picked up a few things over the years,” Beard picked up his backpack and swung it back onto his shoulder as he stood before he reached for the door handle and opened the driver's door. The gesture brought the two men chest to chest, close enough that Beard could smell the citrus of Trent’s shampoo and Trent could make out flecks of green in Beard’s mostly brown eyes. 

Trent inhaled deeply, “I have so many questions.” 

“I have significantly fewer answers,” Beard teased. 

Behind them, the door to the AFC Richmond training room swung open and Beard took a quick step back, despite the fact that the illegal thing he was doing was already done. It was Colin, making his way to his Lamborghini, and Beard and Trent both gave him quick, self-conscious waves. 

“Well,” Trent said when Colin had pulled haphazardly onto the roadway, “maybe I could ask them anyway over a pint?” 

Beard tugged his phone out of his pocket to see 10 missed calls from Jane. He quickly returned the device to his khakis and gave Trent a small smile. “Sure, why not?”

-

Beard expected Trent to take him to the Crown & Anchor but he appreciated the drive a little further out of the neighborhood. Trent’s car was in pristine condition and Beard expected nothing less but he didn’t poke around the way Trent would have. Trent turned the radio up and hummed along to something from the 80s that must have missed Kansas because Beard didn’t recognize it. Trent parked along the curb and gestured with a nod at a pub a few spaces down with a green door and Beard headed that way.

Pints in hand the two men looked at each other, evenly matched in their considering gaze. Trent took a sip of his beer and Beard smirked. 

“You’re not really a beer guy are you,” Beard asked. 

Trent sputtered a chuckle around his own sip, “I thought I was asking the questions.” 

“That was more of an observation, but go on, hit me.”

“How’d you learn how to pick locks?”

“A lack of supervision in my youth. And a desire to go real far, real fast.” Beard braced himself for Trent’s recoil, but Trent just nodded as if it was what he expected or at least that he understood the kind of upbringing Beard was talking about. Beard appreciated that he didn’t press. 

“Real far indeed. You know Ted has been the fish out of water, but you… You seemed to have settled in much more nicely. How are you finding it after two years?” 

Trent watched a flicker of emotion cross Beard’s face, watched the somewhat nervous way he tugged at the bill of his hat. “You know I’ve followed Ted a lot of places. He’s been good to me, we’ve been good to each other. But I think…no matter what happens Richmond is my landing spot. And I’ve been looking for a landing spot for a long time.” 

“Mmm, since you still went by Eugene I imagine,” Trent met Beard’s eyes, a mischievous smirk. Beard’s jaw dropped in an exaggerated gasp. 

“I’m sorry, did you wait until a vulnerable moment to just slide in that you’ve known my name this whole time,” Beard exclaimed and Trent was suddenly bashful. 

“Sorry, bit of a dick move. The journalist runs deep,” Trent responded, his eyes on the table. Beard slid his hand across the table, a hair’s breadth from Trent’s, and tapped twice so that Trent looked up. 

“I’m fucking with you. It’s fine, Trent. Not a big secret,” Trent blushed but laughed at himself along with Beard. “I didn’t think you’d be so easy to fuck with.” 

A charged silence descended between them before Trent responded, “Oh, you’d be surprised.” 

It only took two more pints for Trent to tell the story of his first boyfriend taking him to a concert and abandoning him in the crowd to make out with one of the openers in the bathroom. One more after that for Beard to tell him about the last time he’d shaved his face, which was more than 20 years ago to perform in a drag show. 

And it took half of the last pint for Beard to work up the nerve to ask Trent if he’d like to get out of there…together. Trent grinned, half eager and half apologetic. 

“As much as I absolutely want to take you up on that, I have to get my daughter from my father’s. And I’m just realizing I drove here, and now I’ll have to take the tube… which means I should probably get out of here right now, I’m sorry.” 

“No, no apologies,” Beard held up his hands in faux surrender. “As long as we can do this again.”

The men stood up, pushed in their chairs, and headed out the door. “We can absolutely do this again.” 

The streetlights were just coming on as they walked to the nearest tube station a comfortable quiet between them. It had been a long time since Trent had had the urge to take someone’s hand in public but his fingers twitched with the idea of it. Beard stumbled just a little on the cobblestone as he realized his phone hadn’t vibrated in quite a while—or if it had he hadn’t noticed.  

“Well,” Trent said, a thumb pointed over his shoulder at the train that would be arriving in a minute, “this is me. Let’s hope my car is there tomorrow.” 

Beard held up his hand, fingers crossed. The train pulled in and Trent turned away, running a hand through his hair to avoid doing something silly, like grabbing the other man by his collar and kissing him. But just as he stepped toward the opening doors, he felt a strong hand in the crook of his elbow.

Beard wasn’t tugging hard, but Trent felt magnetized anyway as he turned back and found himself eye-to-eye with the stoic man. Trent smiled, his hand finding the lapels of the other’s man’s jacket as he tilted and leaned in. Beard met him halfway, and their lips slotted together carefully, cautiously. It only took a beat for Beard to wind his hand into Trent’s hair, for Trent to run his tongue along the seam of Beard’s lips until he was allowed entrance. Trent was so lost in the feeling of Beard’s lips on his, the warmth of his hands where they cradled the side of his head, he didn’t notice that his train was about to leave. Luckily, Beard did, and he broke the kiss, stepping back and giving Trent a gentle nudge onto the train.

“Go on, you’re gonna miss it. ‘Til next time, Trent.” 

“‘Til next time, Beard,” Trent managed to call out just as the doors closed.