#games you might not have tried
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posting this with absolutely no context
#am i a cryptid now? i log on like once in a blue moon to post cringe and then leave again#ace attorney#apollo justice#tikki#random stuff#my stuff#ooookay okay okay okay. anyone reading the tags can have a LITTLE contextâ as a treat#so. sitting on my ao3 currently is an unfinished fic with exactly this premise#i want to finish it so bad. it haunts me every day. people leave such nice comments and everything#but i just have no motivation. trust me i've tried#i thought that perhaps drawing it might finally kick my brain back into gear#i'm so sorry readers i'm sorry i WILL finish it i promise it's not abandoned#it was so much fuuuuun#tikki are you seeing this. cringefail author who keeps playing video games instead of writing lmao#anyway goodbye friends i am gone again. logging off once more
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Man, it's cool and all if you see a metaphor for marginalisation in the monstrous, and if you want the power fantasy of 'what if you could just eat anybody who threatened you/pissed you off'. Me too.
However, as soon as you start saying 'no, these monsters are a 1:1 on Specific Marginalised Group, and you have to treat them in the fiction like they are directly representative of real human members of the marginalised group', BUT you also, in the fiction, make them hurt/kill/eat humans? And then try to shame me, your audience, for noticing or engaging with the bit where they kill people, because you made them directly representative of a real-world marginalised group? You have lost me, and also, I think, the plot.
#hear yourself. for the love of whatever you cherish.#'but they only kill bigots so ACTUALLY they're the GOOD GUYS -' your metaphor of monstrosity is entirely premised on the question of#'what if what you went around righteously killing; believing your actions to be justified;#were actually people and it was not in fact righteous or justified to just kill them'#'what if the world isn't neatly split into 'good guys' and 'bad guys'#who gets to decide who or what is 'bad'? because that's the original problem of monstrosity-as-metaphor-for-marginalisation#(if as a creator you say 'oh my intention with this was X' cool!#if instead you go with something like. well.#'well in this setting monsters are so rare it doesn't matter that they kill people and you'd have to be a homicidal sadistic psychopath >#< to hunt them; but sure I guess if you want to play a Bad Person' well I might have#but if you're going to explicitly judge me for wanting to engage with the moral question of 'how justified is this and who would do it#versus how justified are these monsters if they do have to harm or kill people to continue to exist'#then maybe I just don't want to play your game at all)#anyway I'm sick to death of poor uwu cozy vampires who are SO marginalised so I'm not Allowed to care about all the people they murder#it being fucked up is what's fun about it! do all the other shit but let me take the murders seriously!#and inb4 someone accuses me of being a bigot for saying 'actually I don't think you get a free pass to kill and eat people if you're gay'#remember when the CW's famously reactionary and conservative Supernatural tried to just gloss over the part where every time its heroes >#< killed a demon with a magic knife it also killed the person the demon was possessing#and say 'oh no it's fine we don't care about those killings; they don't matter; don't bother caring about them either'#but they were doing it to glorify exactly the kind of people that these 'monster as metaphor' stories are trying to cast as expendable?#I have other examples that are like. real dramas. but That Paranormal Show is the one that's in the same niche that I'm talking about here#it feels more insidious when it comes through a fantasy show where there are monsters involved#so you can say 'no it's not real so it doesn't matter'#but then ALL of it is equally not real. and vampires are not actually an oppressed group. because they don't exist.#you can say 'these vampires are a metaphor for an oppressed group so this fiction matters in real life'#or you can say 'don't care about the murders because they weren't actually real'#but you can't say both and then get mad at ME for treating the murders as seriously as the vampires#let me engage with your premise and don't waste my fucking time#or just set your fluff in the Sesame Street universe where vampires drink cherry Kool-Aid and help kids learn to count
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Been enjoying EoW so far!!
Redraw of this:
#loz#loz eow#the legend of zelda#echoes of wisdom#zelda#tri#josh art tag#i already changed up my zelda design lol#so i might post the ref sheet once i get Link's part done#anyway EoW is fun so far!#non spoilery thoughts are its a nice game but unfortunately the combat really isnt for me đ#but thats like my biggest complaint#and im not even that upset about it cuz i expected that i probably wasnt going to like it đ€·#otherwise my only other complaints are small things#like the way you scroll thru echoes being the botw/totk way cuz like bro the more echoes u get the worse that menu gets#and also i couldnt find a way to lower the bg music?? like domt games usually have settings where u cam change that#if eow does have that i havent found it#its only an issue when i wear headphones. with headphones on the lowest volume setting is still too loud đ#but yeah mostly small stuff complaint-wise#i would share stuff i like about it but i dont wanna give spoilers lol
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That Baldur's Gate 3 cover art with Astarion. But it's Sebille.
#Divinity#Divinity: Original Sin 2#DOS2#Sebille#DOS2 fanart#my stuff#well sort of#attempt#minus the colours and details and background#obviously heavily referenced from the original#I don't think I'd have managed the damn left hand otherwise đ
and even then it was quite hard#but you know what turned out to be particularly cursed? that dagger surprisingly#being at an angle is the worst thing for any object to do#I tried to make Sebille look close to what her character model looks like in the game but also tried to do one of her cover art outfits#turned out a bit cartoon like but I suppose that's alright#I might try to colour it sometime#I haven't coloured anything yet and I have to figure it out#for now I'm happy I've got as far as I have#also my death grip is really showing on this one haha#I SWEAR I calibrated the pressure settings but yeah#my hand knows only murderous intent
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I completed Inscryption and my favourite part of the game was watching P03 plug its cable into things for card modification.
#mx creations#traditional art#fanart#Inscryption#Inscryption fanart#Scrybe of Technology#Inscryption P03#P03#Inscryption spoilers#technically. I have no idea who might see these#so I tried to draw my favourite bit of the game but ehhh you might not guess what it's about without the description
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I'm not ready to shut up about Aveline and Carver--so, when you go see Aveline in Act 1, you can catch up with her a little bit and that's where this conversation can happen:
Aveline: "It's just one more change, though. The real end for me was Ostagar. What about you, Carver? You were there. Do you feel something similar?" Carver: No. Aveline: All right, then. Bit of a tit, your brother.
I wanted to see what she would say if Carver isn't in the party. Instead, she says this:
Aveline: Carver was there. I imagine he feels something similar. If he allows it.
......well, at least she didn't call him a tit?
#dragon age 2#da2#carver hawke#aveline vallen#she's slightly nicer to him when he's not there but she's still like 'maybe he feels something similar but probably pretends not to'#like i'm not gonna pretend that carver doesn't bottle any feelings--he doesn't openly talk about bethany a lot for a reason#but to suggest he pretends to be unfeeling about things like ostagar is incorrect like he CLEARLY feels a lot about it#because he associates the battle at ostagar with losing his home and sister to the darkspawn#after playing as a warrior hawke who is best friends with aveline i do have a little more insight into why she might think this about carve#when hawke is a warrior they were at ostagar. they share that traumatic experience with aveline and if they're friends#they discuss it in a way that i think aveline *wants* y'know? but with carver he doesn't respond the way she wants him to#so she gets frustrated since even if she tried to talk to hawke about it... hawke wasn't there. hawke doesnt KNOW what ostagar#was like but carver does... but it's like aveline is ready to assume the worst of carver a lot of the time?#like 'carver doesn't talk about it because he's a tit who pretends not to feel' is the vibe i get from this but aveline...#that's like calling you a tit because you don't want to openly discuss all your feelings about your dead husband#listen aveline and carver are so similar but they have such key differences like they both survived the horror of ostagar#and lost a loved one to darkspawn while fleeing lothering AND they both blame hawke for it to a degree#even though they both know that's not right and that it wasn't really hawke's fault#they're both stubborn warriors with daddy issues looking to find their place#and when it comes to flirting? well i don't think carver's as bad as aveline#but i played MotA i know all about 'you could tame its wild heart'#but the key differences come in how they the end the game y'know? especially if carver's on the friendship path as a warden#i still haven't made him a templar but something tells me he ends up more on the same road as aveline#vs when he's a grey warden and able to be away from kirkwall and find a place on his own#y'all i could write a whole essay on aveline and carver but i paused my game to write this so i should go back to that sksksk
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considering the historical influences in the fashion of Dishonored (and the extent of nsfw fanfiction this fandom has) Iâve been thinking about the layers that would be, realistically, part of the daily dress
which means: dishonored seems to honour the importance of a vest in a properly dressed gentlemanâs or ladyâs wardrobe
vests were, and I cannot stress this enough, a mandatory part of an outfit, to the point of men wearing only vests if they could not afford a fully tailored suit (trousers + vest + jacket) and a new shirt and opting to only wear a fake collar under the vest for the illusion of a full outfit
shirts were underwear, so to speak. there were no occasions in âpolite societyâ where one could only wear a shirt without a vest on top.
this is something we see mirrored in both dishonored games, though the style of the vests and clothing have somewhat changed, they still follow the same rules of vests worn with every outfit, as far as we can tell. (we could argue that Jessamine is not wearing one, or that some higher class women arenât wearing vests under their buttoned up jackets, but since we donât really see underneath we canât judge.)
we see the vests be worn even by the Whalers in the first game (which in itself brings up many questions. are whalers, the actual whalers that capture and kill whales, held in high enough regard by the society that they made a vest part of their uniform? or is it merely something that is worn by all? something that every citizen of sound mind would don, were they to leave their house?)
there are a few exceptions to this, of course, but this whole thing came to be by asking a simple question
does the Outsider wear a vest under his leather jacket?
now, in the first game, his jacket is unbuttoned just enough for us to get a good enough peek at what lies beneath. which is to say: there is no hint of a vest underneath. judging by the vests in the first game, the fashion was that the vest would go up high, often covering collarbones or even having a standing collar. what we see on the Outsider is just... an unbuttoned shirt
itâs much the same in the second game, even if we examine his final concept art, his outfit consists of a shirt (more or less underwear) with most of the top buttons unbuttoned, and a jacket on top. no hint of a vest underneath
what Iâm trying to say is that the Outsider is a slut
#dh#dishonored#the outsider#I got hyperfixated on fashion of the belle epoque (the inspiration for dh fashion) so most of this information in regards to history#should be accurate#mind you the books I read had a heavy focus on habsburg monarchy fashion so it might be slightly different to say the US or france etc etc#but that should be right#if anyone has stuff from the games to disprove the vest in higher classes statement bring it on#I doubt the artists would do such a great transgression against polite manners though /j#but yeah tl;dr the outsider wears the equivalent of a blazer on top of a bra#I have so many thoughts and feelings about the fashion in these games I could go on for Ages#this all started when I was thinking about human outsider being taken in by corvo and emily and as he takes his clothes off for a bath#a maid is absolutely scandalized by his lack of a vest underneath#I do want to acknowledge that there is concept art of outsider in dh2 that DOES have a vest under the jacket but that one went unused#the pattern on it kinda reminds me of the pattern on corvo's and emily's clothing tho that might be a reach. or just a pattern thats popular#i firmly stand by my headcanon that the outsider tries to imitate the fashion of the real world in the void with a bit of his own Void spin
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RULES: make a poll with 5 of your all-time favorite characters and then tag 5 people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favorite! (tagged by @seaweedstarshine)
Tagging (don't worry if you don't want to/have done it already!): @transgenderdoctorwhomst @27-27-gruff-triplets @quietwingsinthesky @lost-tardis-room @a-shard-of-quartz-lol
#rose rambles#thank you for the tag!!! :D#like Tree I tried to keep it to one per fandom#which meant I had to pick one from doctor who...#if I'd kept it to just dw It'd be Nine/Rose/Amy/Clara/the Master#also for the characters with the & symbol#its because both characters are Very Strongly Associated#Grima is the dragon/deity that possesses Robin in fea that he was like#born to be the vessel of. You usually prevent it from happening but the DLC/future story has it happen#and the story is preventing an event that by one view already occurred#as for Hermes and Fandaniel. Hermes was the ''full'' soul who took on the position of Fandaniel#and Fandaniel as mentioned on the poll refers to the soul piece in ''modern'' time that takes on the mantle of Fandaniel and body of Asahi#and has the memories of Fandaniel#but doesn't fully identify as Hermes#Fandaniel#or his most recent life Amon#he wants to blow up the world to end reincarnationđ#might as well explain the other two then for doctor who followers uhh#Jin is part of STREGA#a group of teens that were experimented on to awaken their Personas artificially#which is slowly killing them (their psyche is physically lashing out at them). So they also. Try to end the world.#The kids are left taking ''persona suppressors'' which is an experimental medication that is both the only thing keeping them alive and is#also slowly killing them. It doesn't get the chance to kill Jin though.#he's one of 3 (4 if you count the light novel) surviving kids out of 100 from the experiment and by the end of the game only Chidori is lef#And now Will Graham.#You probably all know Will Graham. And I have rambled long enough. But he's the origin of one of my names.#Most of these guys are villains thats just sort of how these themes get represented#and I'm nothing if not consistent lmao
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When you backread through a fun conversation you had with someone for hours an angel gets its wings
#I was talking to my brother about Norman doors and I had fun in my UX class and he was telling me about demon cores and the trolley problem#in his class. AND I remembered to take my meds today so I can feel every cell in my body. i can feel the neurons rubbing together#and yesterday I infodumped about the specialists bullseye chart to crow and how it ties with witch hat atelier#WHICH I MANAGED TOGET THEM TK READ IM SO HAPPY. I MAKE SQUEALING GUINEA PIG NOISES EVERY TIME THEY TELL ME WHAT THEYVE READ SO FAR. AHH#i might not even be scratching the surface with witch hat there are so many themes i could not possibly fathom or go over my heasd#and thats what makes it so exciting there are so many spaces in between that you can fill with your thoughts and i. i#waves my hands around manically#for anyone interested in my insane ramblings. the bullseye chart is from are we all scientific experts now by harry collins#in my own words its basically saying everything we know about anything is a game of broken telephone#and it discusses how information gets lost in translation between experts and laymen including things that arent in control#one of the main points was how things that happen between experts are complicated including debates and findings#that you can only really understand thru research and experience in that field and cant be smoothly shared without it being reworded#and risking some of those key points. or even concepts that are hard to understand that cant be shared at all#like if you tried to tell me about how DNA works using words scientists are familiar with but i am NOT- i risk missing concepts that i need#to understand to know how it works on the level you understand. or i risk having it reworded and understanding it but not on that level#AND IT DOES TIE TO WITCH HAT THE WITCH AND NORMAL FOLK COMMUNITIES I PROMISE. ITS SO INTERESTING#anyway i spent hours reading back thru that conversation and i might as well admit it goes for almost every fun conversation i have#and it might be the 20mg of adderall in my body but i am in such a state of peace and love i have to verbalize it. ahh#yapping
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some obscure and / or defunct mobile pet games I played as a kid. I miss them real bad
in order from left to right: dragonvale, dragon skies, dragon soul, tiny monsters, dragon story, dragon city, monster petshop, furdiburb, little dragons
#dragonvale is still very much around but the original producers (backflip studios) sold it out to DECA and now its abysmal dogshit#genuinely makes me so sad. ive tried so hard to pick it back up but its just not the same without backflip :(#they got rid of the soundtrack for the game too which is also so so so sad because the soundtrack is amazing its still on spotify thankfull#similar thing happened with dragon city I think#I miss dragon skies EVERY DAY btw its not even funny#pretty sure theres an APK for it but I have an iphone and dont know how to use emulators#can you guys tell I really like dragons#might redownload some of the ones that are still active just for shits and giggles#char talks#dragonvale#dragon skies#dragon soul#tiny monsters#dragon story#dragon city#monster pet shop#furdiburb#mobile games#pet collector#pet collector games
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LOUMAND EPIC DIVORCE FIGHT PT.3
if loumand has 1 million fans I am one of them if loumand has 5 fans I am one of them if loumand has 1 fan it is me if loumand has 0 fans I have been removed from this mortal plane if the world is against loumand I am against the world. failmarriage enjoyers come get yâallâs juice
âWhat happened to those âGreat Laws,â Armand?â He asked, fury rising in him again. âYou know, the ones you killed my daughter for?â
âWhat do you want me to say? Would you have me apologize again so you can refuse it? To tell you that if I could go back and change it, I would? To turn back the wheel of time itself and undo it all? I cannot.â
Louis wanted to strangle him. Would, if he didnât know that Armand would just sit there and let him, not feeling a damn thing. âI want you to feel fucking sorry!â
Armand rolled his eyes, but Louis had spent over seventy years sleeping next to the monster under the bed. Had decades to learn his tricks and tells. Not all of them, like he might have thought once, but enough to spot the minuscule shift in his expression. The brief twitch of his mouth and the shuttered blink before his face flattened.
There he is, he thought triumphantly. A reaction, a real one. Something that alluded to the man beneath the mask he always wore, not nearly as impenetrable as he thought it was.
ââSorry,ââ he scoffed, lifting his chin haughtily. âSorrow is for mortals. We are vampires, Louis. We do not have the time to waste on regrets and what-ifâs.â
As if he hadnât seen into Armandâs mind countless times. As if he had not held him through a thousand nights of wishing he could go back and save his Maker, save Riccardo, save his brothers. As if he had not once confessed to Louis that he sometimes wished he could go back and die a human death in Mariusâ arms. The audacity of the lie was almost like a slap in the face of their entire companionship. Or was Armand telling the truth, and those memories the lie? How much did Louis know him, really?
He couldnât be sure anymore, but he was confident that it was better than any living being on this earth. Enough to get through the lies and rip into the man underneath, the fragile heart in the photograph. If Armand owed him anything, it was this.
âNo time? We got nothing but time! You really expect me to believe that when your fledgling is flaunting himself in front of millions with no Maker in sight? You telling me youâre a deadbeat âcuz you donât feel regret?â
Armandâs mouth pursed before he stepped back. âDonât speak of things you donât understand,â he warned, eyes darting back and forth. Settling on the closest window like he was thinking about an escape.
Louis didnât give him one. âOh, I understand plenty,â he scoffed. âI probably understand better than you. What, you thought youâd make our âsymbol of loveâ immortal for shits and giggles?â
That finally got a visible reaction out of him, swiveling his head back to look at Louis with wide eyes. âI didnâtââ
âYou let your coven fucking lynch me because of my fledgling, but eight decades later youâre doing the same damn thing! To the ill and infirmed, no less.â
âWhat do you want from me?â Armand finally burst out, whirling around on him in an incandescent rage. Louis felt himself smile, could feel his lip splitting as his fangs dropped. âI have apologized time and time againââ
âOnly âcuz you thought it would fix things!â
ââspent years throwing myself at your feet for your mercyââ
âMercy? Did you show my daughterââ
âWill it ever be enough? Over seventy years devoted to youââ
âA drop in a bucket compared to the fact that it was over half my lifeââ
âI donât know what else I can do!â
âSay sorry and fucking mean it this time!â He roared. âFeel fucking sorry for lying to me throughout our entire companionship! Say something real for once!â
They both fell silent at that, chests heaving through some faded muscle memory. Puppets just going through the motions yet again. What was it that Armand said? Mark it on the calendar, align it with Ursa Major. Louis and Armandâs tri-annual blow-up fight to kingdom come.
Louisâ voice trembled as he said, âI want to know why. None of that âI could not prevent itâ shit. I want you to tell me why you let them kill my daughter.â
Armand sank down on the couch, shoulders slumping. Submission and acceptance coloring every inch of him. âWhy?â He murmured, staring at his knees. âIt will not change anything.â
Louis sat on the other end, keeping as much distance between them as he could. âHumor me.â
ââŠit is true, that it was because of Madeleine,â he finally admitted. âShe was somewhat of a last straw. I had told you before, the creation of more creatures like us was something I could not condone. If you did not love me enough to understand and accept that, how could I trust you over the people in my coven? How could I believe you would not leave me to whatever caught your fancy next?â
âAnd saving me?â
âLestatââ
âI donât mean on stage. Why didnât you let me die in the coffin? I was almost gone. It would have been over, and then you would have had your coven and spent the rest of eternity directing plays, fooling an audience, listening to Santiago blabbering onâŠâ
âSo youâd submit me to a punishment worse than death,â Armand said dryly.
He almost cracked a smile before he remembered himself. âIâm not in the mood to be funny right now.â
Armand sighed, as if Louis was some insufferable child he was humoring. It pissed him off, but yelling wouldnât get him what he wanted right now. Even if it would be cathartic and incredibly deserved. âThe coven wasnât the same, after,â he said. âThey had lost respect for me. In part, I suspect, because they could sense the regret you seem so insistent on. Santiago had never liked me muchââ
âHe wanted to fuck you.â
âHe got off on forcing me to submit. He knew the name I had told you. I donât know how, whether he heard you say it or if he plucked it out of your head through the appalling shields Lestat had not trained you onââ
âDonât talk about him. This is about us.â
He looked briefly incensed at that, and he could almost hear the retort, âBut you can speak about Daniel?â He didnât say it, though, because Daniel was different. Daniel had been theirs, in a way that Louis couldnât put to words.
Armand must have known that too, because he moved on without comment. âThe coven could sense my guilt, my regret, and they closed in on me. Is that what you wished to hear? That I saved you to save my own skin?â
âOkay.â
Armand looked at him in surprise, frowning. âOkay?â He echoed.
âThat was about what I expected to hear.â He learned back against the couch, letting the cushion swallow him and his regrets. It stung, but he was still too angry to really feel it. What was one more betrayal? What was one more petty grievance eighty years in the past?
Armand considered him for a moment. âIt was also because I love you,â he said softly. âI do not want you to doubt that. The coven was only part of it. I found I could not bear the thought of your death.â
Found out too late, but hindsight is 20/20. What did it matter that Louis still had stones rattling around in his ankles? The constant reminder weighing him down, never as badly as the memories that came with them. If Armand had decided to wipe the trial from his mind, would he have removed them as well, or left them? Would Louis know why his footsteps felt so strange, what the aching in his heels heart meant when it echoed in his heart? He wished they were back in Dubai, so he could feel the comfort of his rock garden beneath his feet.
âOkay,â he said again. âNow pause the bullshit for a minute.â
Pause. Blink. Head tilt. He could see the cogs turning in Armandâs head like clockwork. For a master manipulator, he was always incredibly predictable. Or maybe Louis had spent too much time with him. âIâm not lying to you.â
âNo,â he agreed, âbut weâre going around the real problem. You said Madeleine was the last straw, but that was me. Letâs go back to that. Why did you kill my daughter?â
âThe Great Lawsââ
âI didnât ask about them.â
Armand fell silent, studiously not looking at him. Louis settled back and waited him out.
Finally he spoke, very quietly. If they werenât vampires he wouldnât even have heard him. âI fear that if I tell you the truth, I will forsake the last bit of affection you may still hold for me.â
âIf you donât tell me, youâre gonna get the exact same result,â he said. âSo I donât think it matters.â
The blow struck. Armand swayed as if taking a physical hit, taking a deep breath he didnât need. When he looked at Louis, his eyes were lined red with tears he didnât let fall. Truth, or another tactic for sympathy? It didnât matter. He had plenty of experience ignoring Armandâs tears in the bedroom, he couldnât let himself falter when it mattered most.
âShe reminded me of myself. Of the youth I once had.â It came out of him in a rush, as if heâd been holding the words back for centuries. âAmadeo begged his master to turn him for over a decade, and each refusal battered his very soul. As he grew older, taller, as hair began to grow on his face and chest and between his legs, as his master took him to his bed less and less. Amadeo was loved, yes, yet it was not until I was nearly thirty and dying that my master saw fit to give me the gift. I was jealous, Louis, is that what you wanted to hear? She had everything Amadeo had ever wanted, yet she cursed her own fortune with every breath she took. I forced her to reckon with it, quietly delighted in watching her perform a song that made her more miserable with every note. I thought she was a spoiled, inconsequential flea who would not make it another fifty years. I believed her to be the reason you refused my companionship. A hundred reasons, each of them more petty than the last. What does it matter? You will hate me no matter what.â
Louis thought he might be sick.
Armand closed his eyes, drawing back into himself. âIf that was the only reason,â he said almost gently, âI would not have done it. But I had seen dozens like her over the centuries. Children are not meant for the gift. Either madness takes them, or they cannot bear the constant infantilization, or something else, it doesnât matter. One by one they walk into the sun. The absence of choice can be a mercy.â
He clearly believed what he was saying, which just made it even worse. How much âmercyâ had Armand offered over the years?
Even deeper down, Louis wondered if he was right. The first vampire they ever met in Europe had cast herself into the flames before their eyes. Louis himself had run headfirst into the sun and nearly succeeded. How many others had destroyed themselves because they could not bear the Gift they were given?
âNot Claudia. She was strong.â Stronger than Louis had ever been, certainly.
âThey all say that, and yet they all succumb eventually.â
âShe wouldnât haveâ
Armand sighed. âI supposed weâll never know,â he acquiesced. Louis could tell his heart wasnât in it.
He let it slide this time. At least the words were true. âNo, we wonât.â
They sat in silence for a time, not looking at each other. The only sound from the cars driving outside. They did not need to breathe, to blink, to move at all. As still as the pictures Louis used to take, back when things seemed like they might turn out okay.
Finally, Louis exhaled slowly. Armand turned toward him, but said nothing.
âOkay,â he said. âOkay. I donât forgive you.â
Armand didnât flinch. Didnât blink. Just stared at him motionless, as if he was waiting for something.
âI donât forgive you,â he repeated pointedly. âBut Iâm not going to kill you.â
âI donât understand.â
Of course he didnât. Hadnât that been what he was aiming for when he turned Daniel? If you touch him, Louis had said, and Armand had given his fascinating boy the worst curse he could imagine as soon as his back was turned. 500 years passively yearning for an end no one would provide. Louis wouldnât be the one to grant him mercy.
His final gift to Armand, or maybe his final âfuck you.â A long life. An eternity at his fingertips, exactly as Amadeo had once begged for. The chance to grow even more powerful until little Arun could never be hurt again. A chance to torture himself for the rest of time in a hell of his own making. A chance to better himself, if Louis was feeling generous.
He wasnât sure, but after seventy-seven years of standing hand in hand with this man, this monster, this little boy trembling in the midst of all the power he held, he thought it was a kind of salvation. For both of them.
Besides, Daniel was thriving better than either of them in the throes of the Gift. Armand had to have known he would.
âI donât either,â he said. âYouâd deserve it. But Iâm tired, Armand, and I loved you once. I think that counts for something.â
Armandâs eyes widened. He stood quickly, putting distance between them, but not before Louis saw a bloody tear slip down his cheek. âDonât say that to me when you donât mean it. I cannot bear it.â
He looked as pained as Louis had ever seen him, despair twisting his features at the words Louis had never afforded him when they were together. He was beautiful in his misery, as beautiful as he was in anything. He hated him for it as much as heâd loved him once. The Temptation of Amadeo, rendered in flesh and blood and the viscera of honesty.
âI do. I did,â he said, twisting the knife just to be cruel. âGuess it doesnât matter now.â
Armand shook his head. Opened his mouth, then froze, caught between words. Still as a painting in the low lamplight. Louis could see the brush strokes on his face, see every piece of art he had shown him overlaid with the real man in front of him.
âRight,â Louis said, when enough time had passed that he was certain Armand wouldnât say anything. âGlad we had this talk.â
âAre you?â
Louis surprised himself when he answered, âYeah, actually. I am. You?â
âI donât know.â He looked frail, sad, tired, but no closer to walking into the fire than he had been when Louis had cornered him.
He thought that deep down, he was probably relieved by it. The confirmation that Louis wouldnât kill him, that the love between them hadnât been a complete lie. Still, how would he know? His lack of understanding of Armandâs innermost thoughts had been made abruptly clear to him with a script marked in red ink.
âAnything else we should talk about?â He asked. âAny other lies? Any other Dannyâs knocking around in my brain, waiting for me to remember them?â
âNo. No, there was only one. Daniel Malloy is not an experience you can replicate, I suspect.â
âThank God for that.â
He almost smiled at that. âIndeed.â
âSpeaking of Daniel Malloy,â Louis said, standing up. âFor fucks sake, pick up the damn phone. Give our boy a call.â
Our boy. A slip he hated himself for instantly. It was too easy to fall into their old patterns, something that was probably by design. Shock flashed over Armandâs face before it was replaced by humor. âHe hates it when you call him that,â he pointed out.
âIâve had to deal with that shit for a century, he can handle it.â
âHe finds it arousing.â
âYouâre not the only one who can read minds around here, you know.â
âAre you going to do anything about it?â
As if Armand still had any right to know who was in his bed. âAre you? Donât think I didnât pick up on his thoughts about âRashid.â You feeding him your blood was probably a dream come true for him. Did you get to pick his brain about it before it was closed to you forever? What did he think of the taste?â
Armandâs lips thinned, and he turned away.
Louis didnât let him leave without a final blow. âYou gonna tell him about the other memories you erased?â
He stiffened. âYou have no rightââ
âI have every right, and you know it.â
âIf you must know, the answer is no. What difference would it make?â
A pretty damn big one, if you asked Louis. He felt it every time he talked to Daniel, the yawning cavern of curiosity surrounding the blank afterimages in his memory, the way he could clearly sense something wasnât right. Searching the globe for Armand, chasing him in some kind of fucked up role reversal only one of them was aware of. And then Armand, clearly punishing himself with every echoed heartbeat, every kill Daniel took to like a shark in a reef. Only making them both miserable as he hid in solitude.
âHonesty, Arun,â Louis snapped.
They both froze. Fuck. Fuck. Falling into old habits indeed, the world's most ill-timed Freudian Slip. Heâd tried so hard to stay away from it, to wrangle Armandâs honesty from him in a way that didnât depend on the command of his submission. Heâd finally gotten what he wanted, and then he had to go and screw it up.
âI am not Arun to you, anymore.â Armandâs voice trembled. âI would prefer you did not use it.â
Louis nodded, even though Armand couldnât see him. Bit back the instinctive apology on his tongue.
âI do not see the use in continuing this pointless conversation. Is there anything else you want of me, anything else you require?â
Yes. He wanted to shake him, tell him that they werenât done here. He still had questions. He wanted to strip Armand down to the bone, rip his flesh off piece by piece and expose the skeleton underneath. Would that finally reveal the truth, or would he have to go deeper? Into bone marrow, the stem cells, his DNA. Would that allow Louis to know him?
It didnât matter. The mask had gone up, and Louis didnât have the energy to pull it back down again.
âNo.â
Armand nodded once, his back still to Louis, before walking to the door. He paused with his hand on the knob. âI have always been a coward, Louis,â he confessed, still staring straight ahead. Louis could see the set of his shoulders, the clench of his fist, but not his face. âThere is your truth.â He twisted the knob, opened the door. âYou will not see me again, if you do not wish.â
Before Louis could reply, he was gone.
#all louisâ boyfriends know how to do is be bisexual eat people microagress and lie#trying to wrangle armand into being honest in a way that still feels in character is like trying to climb mt everest in stillettos#so if I failed well then. i tried đ«Ąđ«Ą#honestly might continue editing this and post to ao3 at some point but donât hold me to that#also like to play a little game called spot the book quote#past devils minion#louis is on his âself actualizing and forgiving myselfâ journey and also sober which is why they can have an actual conversation here#also writing armand is great. guy who just passively wants to die all the time: killing people is merciful actually#Iâm being so merciful right now#what do you mean suicidal idealation âisnât normalâ look at all these people who told me they wanted to die after I brainwashed them#also can you tell I love readings where show armand wishes he had been turned at the same time that he was in the books#and readings where he projects onto claudia SO SO SO much#rip claudia doomed to the projection these old queens lay on top of her over and over again#until her voice is completely erased from the narrative đđđ#iwtv#interview with the vampire#interview with the vampire fanfiction#iwtv fanfiction#loumand#louis de pointe du lac#armand#for the record I give it like two years before theyâre fucking again#five TOPS
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Hunter my beloved
#Wack anatomy day#rain world#Hunter#art tag#Hey wanna RAINWORLD head canon?#Ppl be like having trouble designing hunter and all#Meanwhile I'm over here like they are DYING do you have any idea how painful that is??#Cycle 20 they literally cannot push their body any further. Like willpower just isn't enough#In short I believe little hunter should look fierce but also very very sick#In other news I'm procrastinating on finishing my hunter run#I need to make it across all of shoreline to the uhhh... what's it called#the deepnest of rainworld#Yeah and I have 2 tries before it's game over.#Might private this at some point if the anatomy bothers me enough but w/e
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something something. haymitch himself likely being aspec alongside his well-agreed bisexuality. i reach for demiromantic because it's 1. both a label i use and 2. in my writing and in my perception of him, i can really see it. i think he'd be teetering on and off of apothisexual (asexual who's sex repulsed) & and then being apath.
he's been in his whole social solitary confinement for what we as readers can assume long enough that we don't hear of haymitch's connections outside of the victors. he is purposely without a lover, without children. i interpret this as voluntarily celibate because i find that haymitch is such a sentimental man, and so empathetic to the extent of fearing any connections in which will put anyone he loves in danger. so he avoids long-term relationships when he can, avoids intimacy. avoids the possibility of children because of the reaping and his status as victor. the only people who may be exempt from this are fellow victors (hence why i usually mention chaffnathy.)
despite haymitch's good looks, which katniss does comment on, and despite his riches â he doesn't pursue anyone. that might because his alcoholism has him fall out of favor to some, but that also may be because he has a habit of pushing others away. if he refuses to allow anyone in the house to clean, then he definitely refuses to have anyone indulge in his romantic life (with the offhand exceptions.) i never see anyone consider how lonely haymitch forces himself to be, and the impact of that.
#it's the games the mentoring and his sickness#in which permeate any possibility to love and be loved#so broken that he fears the cracks will spread to everyone else#when i've tried write romantic encounters with him they've been really.. difficult?#like he might just be on the a spectrum i fear#(i say this like i didn't create the hayrem)#but it's like his romantic dynamics are domestic and loving but. very very rarely intimate sometimes#haymitch abernathy#the hunger games#thg#the hunger games trilogy#anyway.#winnie's headcanons#you don't have to agree but this is my thoughts on him#ahh. a man who always starves to quell his own hunger
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Most annoying advertising trend is "the new [existing media]!!!" because maybe 7 times out of 10 it's doing a disservice to both the new and old thing
#like okay 'oh hey you liked [x]? have you tried [y] you might like it too!' is the basic format of basically any recommendation that's a#normal thing#it just annoys me when I get a book and emblazoned across the cover is reviews from all the newspapers that could fit about how it's#'America's new Hunger Games!!!!' [1] or 'Good Omens with Arthurian knights!!!!' [2] like hush. let me come to my own conclusions.#[1] Chain Gang All Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah. incredible book; has death games like THG but for a different purpose (American priso#system). furious humanising and absolutely devastating#[2] Perilous Times by Thomas D Lee. also very good so far; unlike GO it's people all the way down (more or less) in this one#focuses on a very British corner of the end of the world (much like GO) except with 33 more years of cynicism and leftist infighting
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first of all rye 'hello fellow kids' ingellvar there is nothing in this world or any other I wouldn't do for you. second of all, considering where this story ends... I'm going to die. this conversation -- and how much he genuinely believes what he's saying at this point -- held up against the fact that in a couple of months max he's going to get her killed (well. that's how he feels anyway) and then go against everything she believed in and stood for as a person in the end and have to live forever with knowing that's how he honoured her sacrifice. (and live with how easy it is to live with, the way he doesn't regret what he did at all. she'll haunt him from time to time, that's fine, he's a watcher he's loved many a ghost before and will again. but that won't.) 'no one is beyond help? oh lace I'm so so sorry, wherever you are now please forgive me for who I am, but after what he pulled and by the time I'm done with him on my watcher's oath he will be beyond help. I'll hold every hand in this world that reaches back but his'. and she'll still be gone.
'or none of this matters'. im so fucking sad I feel sick *through tears* this is great I love fiction I love this game (embarrassingly genuine as is my wont)
#rye joining the cycle of violence on the side of violence with clear wide open eyes and seeing harding and varric#out of the corner of his eye for the entire rest of his life. this is fine! this is fine#there's going to be big 'you fuckers killed all the kind voices and now you're left with the vengeful cockroach motherfuckers (ME)'#(he was cleverly disguised at the time I see how they might have missed that until it was too late. but yes! yes! the tiger will be free)#energy from my guy in the third act of this story fhsakj (focused thankfully he doesn't want The World to suffer. just solas)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#lace harding#this relationship took a while to coalesce for me (I think rye and harding are both too much people preoccupied with Seeming#in different ways to get each other at first and rye is at heart a cautious methodical academic which early game harding is not all about)#but now that it has it is crushing. it is awful.#also that just made me make a connection with how much and how easily lucanis likes and understands both of them.#rye isn't quite a people pleaser (mostly b/c it didn't actually work out for him growing up b/c he was such. a mess.#he tried to please but no one was pleased) but he and harding DO have some of these (well-meaning) interpersonal dishonesty parallels#head in my hands. grief in my heart. joy and hyperfixation in my fiction loving brain#this conversation was really really good for me personally every line rook says feels exactly like what rye WOULD say#some scenes you have to do some gentle rewriting in your head around to make fit but no I think this is pretty much it.#and then. the Cursed Knowledge of what's ahead making that ending silence so ominous. chef's kiss
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for @loveotomization and the art trade prompt silence/kiss/betrayal :3c
#the readmore is just a close up#i'm sorry its not more involved my brain is incapable of focusing on rendering;;;#as usual everyone is welcome to come up with their own context#but *i* was setting this in the quasi-accomplice au i have with my friend in which /#/ akechi takes too long frog boiling his emotionally vulnerable bf into being okay with murder and the power of friendship gets him first#play stupid games win stupid prizes! have you tried not lying your ass off to him all the time!#i am now realizing out of context this just comes off as yusuke femme fataleing it up for fun and profit#which i guess also might as well happen#anyway bri thank youuu for offering art trades i'm always happy for any excuse for more âšThemâš#persona 5#akekita#auverse#twine au#<- shared au with tumblr user floodbender thanks for all the dev help
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