#gained a lot of weight and it just generally fucked up my hormones

[cynical-things]

I wish I never went on the fucking implant ffffffjdjdjdjdnd it fucked my body up so bad and it’s still not better even tho I got that piece of shit taken out 10 months ago

[ludinusdaleth]

You reference your weight gain on t a lot, what are the changes like exactly? Signed someone interested in that sort of thing with hrt and in general

oh boy, well, a lot. full disclosure ive only gained about 50lbs on t and i want to gain more so this isnt a final form nor is it the end-all-be-all of a fat body - im chubby but i dont even have a belly overhang yet, though id love to.

-my weights primarily in my belly, thighs, a bit of my chest, and definitely my face. the first noticeable thing was growing a double chin very fast. t has not distributed weight from my hips yet, so i have some fat there, which, if it happened to others, may make them dysphoric. honestly, sometimes i am insecure about it, but my gender presentation is so thoroughly "looking thick as fuck in all ways including feminine ones" that if they got bigger i think id adore it

-i feel like i take up more space in general. i used to be able to slide between people and small entrances easily but my belly very easily gets in the way. i really dont mind

-it's kind of really comforting to be able to grab my belly and just squish & paw at it. used to be when i was underweight just trying to grab it hurt

-between a lot of extra body hair and the weight gain, and being in texas, god am i sweaty. which is maybe the worst downside to it personally because im an overheater. but it is at least a boon to realize i dont get cold easily anymore at all - it dropped below freezing last winter, and i didnt even change from shorts, when i used to shiver at 50°F. im a furnace!

-finding pants sizes will be your worst enemy. but if youre into it at least the battle of squeezing into something you bought a mere month ago can be quite sexy and a sign of progress

-i went from having what i call concave ass (none ass) to a decent one and it is insane to feel it jiggle when i walk

-it is insane feeling all my body jiggle as i move in any way honestly. i really, really love it, feels more natural than breathing

-if youre a trans guy whos fat or wants to be i think the question of boobs will be conflicting, so there is something a bit humorous about t which deflates & at times shrinks your chest, vs gaining weight which makes them big. as a very obvious mans tits enjoyer, im quite happy theyre about a size larger now (though i always had a smaller chest so)

-the elephant in the room is always about health. and in many ways im not at peak health - but thats not because of my fat. the most i could maybe connect with it is i have higher cholesterol than before, but is it because i have a belly due to a thousand different hormonal & life factors, or is it because im a little too obsessed with milkshakes & funnel cake? i really actually feel better health wise than i ever did underweight and i feel alive. stronger. confident. and also, folk who gain weight and are unhealthy deserve infinite respect. bodies are just bodies. they do what bodies will do. and we do what we do in our bodies. all of those combine to what we are. thats a neutral fact, not something to shame or be afraid of.

-fatphobia absolutely exists, but so too do folk who support you. if you can find folk in your life who want you happy and know about your journey it can be beautiful. when i met up with my friend a few months after i began hrt, the first thing they said to me after "hi" was "oh, youve really gotten bigger!" and it made my day, i still think about it. be it friends who squeal at your progress to friends who like to be risque and go "oh, lets grow your beard out more before calling you a bear, big boy", i think support is the best part of it. im eternally thankful.

[dollsonmain]

Ranting

Smug Instagram Lady Trying to Sell Her Book:  Did you know that 68% of all divorces occur during the lead-in to menopause?

Me:  You know, at that point we’re pretty tired of being mistreated for decades, being told we have to look and act a certain way by society, the media, and our spouses who are also changing as they get older, are older and wiser and better able to recognize that mistreatment and misleading media, raising kids basically on our own or worse our husband becomes one of the kids, and since our hormones are shifting we have a much lower tolerance for bullshit in general. Made up statistic, likely, but it tracks.

Like...

I’ve known plenty of older women that are just really. fucking. angry. because they were never supported, were neglected, and wore down over time giving everything they had to their family and their husband while getting nothing in return.

I’ve also known plenty of older women that are happy and happy in their relationships because they were true partnerships and those women had a lot of support and reciprocity from their spouses through the years.

And I’ve known older women that were miserable and angry until they got that divorce and then they moved on and found someone else to fill that role for them and are very happy with their new partner.

I mean shit, I’ve been trying to get out of this relationship since 2005 and haven’t been able to and that’s had nothing to do with my menstrual status.

The biggest change that menopause (which I’m not in, yet, but I can tell it’s coming because things are changing mentally and physically (sudden 50 lbs weight gain why) and I have no control over any of it) for me is that I find it more and more difficult to-, and less and less worth the effort to- just keep plugging along, holding up an unfulfilling and resentment loaded relationship where I, someone that never wanted kids, have become my spouse’s mom against my will.

At least kids grow up and start caring for themselves, lightening the burden with time.

It’s the people in the relationship that cause the divorce, not menopause. Saying it’s caused my menopause lets the other partner off the hook and that’s unfair.

[genderqueerdykes]

Hi! I saw your post about being put on estrogen for too many androgens, and how testosterone HRT actually helped you more for the symptoms. I think I need to talk to my obgyn about how I suspect I might have PCOS but I'm a pre-T trans man and terrified they'll tell me going on estrogen/androgen blockers is my only option. I was on progesterone for a month and it was a baaaad time. Have you written more about your experience with this somewhere?

i totally get that fear, i was actually afraid of that, myself, when i was pursuing transition. i was afraid they'd tell me i was too fucked up or something or that i already had too much testosterone in my system

i haven't written about it elsewhere, but i'll take the time to write about it now! i'm going to be also starting a Wordpress site to compile my experiences, so i'll be adding this to there as well!

i was placed on estrogen for a few years (from about 15 - 21) to try to combat the high levels of androgens my body was producing due to PCOS + hyperandrogenism (and possibly other non diagnosed intersex conditions as well), they told me that was the "only way" to fix the heavy periods and other problems i was having.

i noticed during this time, my energy levels were way, way down. i was exhausted, tired, and overall falling asleep and struggling to be present and awake. i would come home from school and pass out for 5, 6, 7+ hours and wake up in the middle of the night for a bit before sleeping even more.

i was generally very irritable, prone to snapping, mood swings, and being very "on edge" in general during this time. i got into a lot of arguments with my sister and told her heated, emotional things i didn't mean because i was so worked up all the time. i had a very negative outlook and couldn't stop myself from being pissy and short and mean with people.

i noticed that i got "baby fever" during this time and became OBSESSED with thinking about having children, what i would name them, and so on. i could NOT stop thinking about having children, even though i was a child, myself, for a lot of it. i was also gaining a LOT of weight and putting on weight in areas that were making my dysphoria so, so much worse.

my periods never really became regular or normal during this time, due to me being intersex. the volume of the menses decreased to more tolerable levels, but it never made them 'regular'. i also never stopped growing facial hair, it never even reduced the volume of facial hair i was growing, which was my mother's concern. and it never changed the fact that i wanted that facial hair.

overall, it was just a waste of my time to achieve a very, very slight difference in my menstrual cycles. the only thing that has fixed my menstrual cycles and stopped them from being so heavy that i get sick is testosterone hormone replacement therapy. testosterone has been live saving for me as an intersex person and i hope you're able to communicate to your doctor that you as a trans man WANT those increased testosterone levels and for you, that's not a problem.

having naturally high T can actually be a good thing in some cases because some doctors who are aiding you in transition will see that as something pointing toward your case as a trans man. you already having a high level of testosterone can mean they can potentially prescribe a lower dose of T to you or not have to take as long to titrate up, so hopefully they will be receptive instead of pushy about you "needing" androgen blockers or estrogen.

if you face problems with this, feel free to come back, but ultimately, it shouldn't (hopefully) cause a problem. you have the right to put your foot down and say no, actually, i want higher levels of testosterone in my body and i refuse to go on hormone blockers. i wish i had refused estrogen when they put me on it. so many afab and intersex people get put on estrogen and hormonal birth control regimens and it actually causes far more problems than it helps. estrogen and birth control should not be the first "solution" to reproductive health issues.

i hope that helped you! feel free to come back and send another ask, we're always happy to help with stuff like this. nobody really tells you what to do once you get a PCOS diagnosis. you feel really lost and confused and i get that. i hope things work out for you and you can get on T down the road, if that's what you want for yourself

[andstilliam]

i stayed up late last night working on my chemistry pre class questions. it was the first one i got a high mark on!!! i got 89%. i'm so happy. to be frank, it was pretty easy. it's just the basics of quantum numbers. but still. i've been struggling to grasp concepts quickly and generate the correct result so that gave me a confidence boost because the exam is next week.

so i went to bed late and i did not wake up this morning to run. i'm just too tired right now. i made sure to get to class because i knew i could get an easy mark for the in class questions and i got 100%!!! i double checked my answers with chatgpt lol but still, it's the fact the concept is relatively easy to grasp and recall. the points for the pre class and in class questions count towards your overall grade. i'm still unsure the % though. this is definitely not a bird course. there's just an influx of information every other day with this chem course and we haven't even started the lab yet but still have experiments due this weekend. i still have to finish the training for lab. it's a lot. my other classes are not that heavy. i can do the lesson slowly over the course of a week, but in addition to chemistry, it adds up.

today is hot. it's 27 degrees. it's not going to start cooling down until next month. by november, i should definitely be wearing a jacket. omg i'm waiting. i'm going to be basic and have a pumpkin spice latte from starbucks when it's cool enough :)

my fertile window is the absolute worst!!!! i'm always bloated, tired and uncomfortable and just feel like utter crap. i can't wait for my hormones to shut off and i stop ovulating. by january at the latest would be great. i mean, there's no rush, but i would like some bony knees and cold hands for winter. i just love the cold. anything is better than this! ugh i hate being gross. i know my body is just waiting to shrink and we are getting closer by the day. i know, i know....we are getting close. this has been the worst weight loss journey i've ever had to go through with my slow, aging body. remind me to never gain the weight back. i already know i won't because there's no other way for me to receive medical care, first of all. secondly, i'm not going to be monitored by researchers, be fat and have them talk amongst themselves about how fat i've gotten. that's just not going to happen. but also like, how dare they create such a vicious relapse/ "recovery" cycle. that is so much stress on the body and without delivering actual medical care. like my god. the only way to keep us enduring is to keep us in the know. see how easy it is? holy shit. you people are whack for that. think about how much i've been through because you're trying to absolve your guilt and preserve your arrogance. you know it's a shitshow when you can point the finger at anyone. that's how you take a system down. who the fuck is at fault? you, and you and you, and me. everyone is the villain here. at least i can spiral mentally and still do my schoolwork cause before i couldn't compartmentalize like that, at least not at this level and with a STEM major. so that's awesome. we love executive functioning skills brought to you by neurology :) i may have to become my own neurologist because it will really take that long until i can find one.

i'd love to do some fall baking but i refuse to use the oven here and i don't want to buy flour etc. i might just buy the pilsbury halloween cookies to use in my air fryer :) but i also saw a bakery near the waterfront i've never been to. there's a german bakery with gingerbread cookies and when i was a kid, i always used to get the gingerbread cookies from the local portuguese bakery and so i definitely have to do that sometime. my mom and i used to go there all the time when i was a kid and i'd have a pear nectar drink on the side. i still have a few oreo packets to go through, so until that's done, i won't be buying cookies lol. for some reason that just reminded me of a time when my mom and i were flying to BC to visit my Nana and we were in economy. the plane had to do an emergency landing because they burnt the cookies for the first class passengers and as we were boarding the new plane, my mom goes up to one of the flight attendants and goes "no more cookies!" LOOOL omg my mom was hilarious. she was such a character and i miss her.

my brain is cool. yesterday i went for a walk and all of a sudden i had a somatic memory. this aroma brought me back to grade 1, this lady Kathy worked in the aftercare program. and she had a very distinct smell to her. i don't know if it was her or the snacks she provided, or both. but for some reason, i remembered it and i was like wow that's....something. it was so weird. i had to text my best friend to ask if she remembered her. but i do remember the scent being very strong. whenever i see those sesame snaps, i get a whiff of the scent as well. i strongly disliked them as a kid and my mom loved them so she always ate them and i just thought they were absolutely disgusting. the smell just brings me back. it's really cool though to have these kind of somatic memories. even more so because i lost my memory so it's interesting to get snippets here and there. my teens and early 20s were traumatic for me, partly my own doing lol so i don't like to recall some of that especially the awful sex i had. i really wish i kept my virginity. none of that needed to happen. i hardly even remember any of those men which i think is a blessing, like thank god. let's keep that memory locked. it's not like i was brutally raped or anything, it just was disgusting and worthless. it's a worthless memory to have. you don't know this when you're young but it's like you don't need this memory lol. i could honestly just start identifying as a virgin. i think i will. but yeah, i want a boyfriend. i want to date sometime and actually be in a relationship. as a kid, i just gravitated towards hood rats who smoked weed. you know, like, those were my values, i guess lol. so obviously my values are much different now and i'm at that age where i want a career and a home. i want a rich guy as well so i don't have to worry about my money being stolen because his family is also well off. that would be ideal. i mean, i never considered any of this for my life, but i am considering it now. why not? i don't want to be a poor independent. i want a lavish life. so it's exciting to think about. at this point, i'm just embarrassed. i made my life so hard for no reason like i have to laugh at myself. look, all i want in life is to be educated so i can do what i am passionate about and be skinny. i mean, fuck. so i'm just gonna do that, like why am i making life hard? just do it. skinny girl travel, skinny girl college, skinny girl marriage, skinny girl makeup, skinny girl clothes, skinny girl everything. so i'm glad i'm actually thinking straight again instead of woe is me, i can't get a job, i'm a worthless deaf retard. like nahhhhh.....apparently that's the doctor's fault. so fuck the doctors. problem solved.

[euphoric-rambles]

I want to comment as someone who got a hysterectomy at 33 (and am now 35).

Why did I do it?

I was diagnosed at 26 with a rare form of uterine pre-cancer called Atypical Polyploid Adenoma (APA) and had recurrent tumors in my uterus with some transformation of the cells indicating a chance of high malignancy. Meaning there was a higher chance that I could develop an aggressive form of uterine cancer. Over the course of almost a decade, I visited my gynecologist, oncologist, and GP several times a year. I had annual transvaginal ultrasounds (where a wand is shoved inside your vagina to take pictures of your uterus and ovaries) along with several D/Cs. A D/C is where a doctor shaves a section of the impacted uterine tissue with a laser--think Darth Vader lasering out your uterus.

I also had several biopsies of my uterus taken. Uterine biopsies are some of the most targeted pain I have ever felt. The doctor has to open your cervix to get into the uterus. This is often completed while the patient is awake and without any pain relief. After my first one I was crying so hard my oncologist was concerned I might be having a panic attack.

Could you have just had D/Cs for the rest of your fertility?

I could have, but the stress, anxiety, and pain was getting to me. As any patient with cancer will tell you, the anxiety is excruciating. I also had serious conversations with my oncologist about the likelihood that I could get pregnant (many of my tumors grew on my fundus, where an egg would implant) and the chance that the hormonal changes could trigger that transformation into cancer. To me, it wasn't worth the risk. That may not be true of other patients.

What was the prep like?

I went through an oncology department so my prep was to fill in many, many legal documents that said I understood that my fertility would be gone and could not come back. Otherwise I faced no pushback from my surgical team.

The prep for the surgery was the same as is for any other same day procedure. No food after midnight, bath with unscented soap.

What does a hysterectomy feel like?

You're under general anesthesia so, at the time nothing. I elected to have laparoscopic surgery and my surgeon used a DaVinci robot. Which, is SO FUCKING COOL. They asked as they were wheeling me in if I had questions and I was like !!! YES I want to know more about the robot. There is an option to have a vaginal hysterectomy where the uterus is pulled through an incision in the vagina.

What's recovery like? Do you have scars?

I'm not going to lie, the first day or so was pretty awful. I had trouble walking and getting up and down off the toilet. My boyfriend had to help get me with a lot of basic functions. But after the first week, I was fine.

I was also pretty bloated following surgery as they inflate the area with air. Be open with anyone in your home, you're going to fart for a bit. Depending on which pain meds you receive (again, I went through oncology, I was given Percocet) you may be constipated which HURTS if you push after surgery.

I do have four tiny scars that are the length of my pinky nail. After two years, one has basically disappeared and one is in my belly button. I've explained the remaining scars away as falling as a child and people believe it.

Do you regret having a hysterectomy?

Again, my reasoning for doing this was not political but the answer is no. I categorically do not regret the surgery at all. When I woke up I sobbed that I was free and that it was over. I suffered for almost a decade and have never been happier.

Do you still get a period?

I do but not in the sense that I bleed. Again no uterus. But I do get a 'period' where I get cramps and moody. My hormones are still firing but often misfire, like I get bladder cramps (thanks Prostaglandins) because the hormones are looking for my uterus, thus I also get period diarrhea. There's a fun video from gross science that covers period poops. I do not have the period weight gain or acne that I had when I was menstruating. But that's my experience, I'm curious what others have experienced.

My hormones function normally because I still have my ovaries.

Do you have any other side effects?

I had my cervix removed as well and that is partially responsible for my ability to get wet during sex. I can still get wet but it is a little different. Climaxing also feels different, almost muted sometimes, which sucks. But I can still climax, I've just had to work differently with my partner.

I also did not have any post surgical complications but I know two other folks who had hystos and one had trouble urinating right after and needed a catheter for about a week.

What else do I want you to know?

I need you to understand that a full hysterectomy means you cannot and can never get pregnant. There is no way to take eggs from you and this cannot be reversed. Do not be mistaken--this IS permanent sterilization.

I am not stating this to scare you but to make sure you understand there is no going back. I think at this very political moment anxiety is SO high but please really assess whether or not you ever want biological children. If you do not that's ok, and a hysterectomy might be an option for you. Others have suggested other options which as also permanent sterilization techniques.

My ask box is always open for questions on hysterectomies. Make an informed decision and surround yourself with folks who love you.

if you're looking for a sign to get the hysterectomy, get it. if you are wondering if you will feel freer, less burdened, more optimistic, lighter without your uterus, you will. if you simply want to never get periods again, get the hysterectomy. if you want to have sex with a different person every day forever and never worry about getting pregnant, get the hysterectomy. if you don't know whether or not you want to stay on hormones, get the hysterectomy anyway. if you're afraid you're too young, and that people will judge you, get it anyway. you don't have to live in a hostile body. you are the one who gets to decide what it will and will not do.

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

i dont know where else to do for thie but do you need to be on HRT to have ftm SRS ? i dont really want to get on hrt because i dont really feel dysphoric over many of the things it changes that i couldn't go to the gym or take voice lessons over so the risks aren't worth it plus im scared of needles BUT i desperately want top and bottom surgery and i dont know if its possible to get those without being on hrt… im pretty sure top surgery is but i don't know much about bottom surgery in general to begin with.. i just turned 18 and i didnt have supportive parents so it's only now that im in control of my own medical shit that i get to think about this stuff. sorry if this makes no sense

Stuff to know about medically transitioning to male:

-its not a race. You don't need to rush into anything. Take your time to feel comfortable with each choice towards your transition.

-its not a contest. You don't need to do every possible thing in order to be male. The important thing is becoming more happy and comfortable in your body.

Types of hormone replacement therapy (hrt):

-testosterone isn't a trans men exclusive thing. There's a lotta cis men and such who take it too.

-it is however, a controlled substance. You need to be careful about cross contamination.

-the most common method of taking hrt is through injections. These needles usually go in your thigh and you can do it every week or every other week. The effects occur more quickly than other types, however there is a bit more of a dip around the end of your cycle- especially if you do it every other week. This dip can be felt, but it poses no actual issues. It's just like a bit of a hormone drop, you'll be fine.

-if you don't like needles you can also do gel packs. I did these for 2 years and they're very easy to do. You simply rub the gel on your upper arm and let it dry. The medicine is absorbed through your skin. There is no dip with the gel medication, but it does take longer when you first start for effects to start being noticable. It also dries out your skin.

-there's also technically a patch thing that you can put under your tongue. But they don't suggest it cuz it fucks up your liver. If you don't like needles, just do the gel. It works just as well as needles.

What does HRT do for trans men:

-you're voice will lower (it'll get squeaky like a teenage boy first tho), you'll get a lot more hair, possible receding hair line on your head, a lot more sweaty, gain more muscle mass, a lot of hair (butt hair is no joke), acne (this dies down after a year or so), fat distribution, being unable to sing because your voice dropped and you're trying to hit pitches you can't anymore lol, facial hair (look at biologically related men in your family to get an idea of how it'll likely grow), taste buds might change, when you first start your emotions are gonna fluctuate (once your hormones balance out this will die down), increased sex drive, (trigger for nsfw) your clit will grow and become more sensitive, periods stop within 3-6 months normally (might take longer), reduced fertility, increased chance of certain medical conditions (ex: high blood pressure or heart attacks), easier to gain and lose weight, etc.

-always take ONLY the amount prescribed. Not enough testosterone and you won't see an effect, and too much testosterone will be changed into estrogen by your body. You can't take more because you missed a dose, or double up on anything.

How top surgery works:

-this surgery doesn't take long, but has a month long recovery minimum, with everything being completely done around the 6 months mark normally.

-in non medical terms, they take off your boobs, cut off excess skin, sew you back up in a way that looks like a male body, and put on nipple grafts that take a good long while to finally look ok.

-its actually not bad at all. I had no issues with my top surgery. Recovery was easy enough. And over a year later I look great.

-you do not need any HRT for top surgery. Testosterone has no effect on the results or actual procedure. So no worries there.

-downside is really just the lack of sensation around your chest for a while. It does come back. Some people report never feeling their nipples again, some report being able to after a year or so. It is dependent on the person, not the quality of the operation.

How bottom surgery works:

- this one is a lot more complicated involving multiple surgeries and much longer recovery processes.

-in non medical terms (trigger for nsfw), for the first surgery they extend your clit and urethra so you can pee out your clit like a dick. This is still smaller than the average dick and can't be used for penetration. You can get another surgery to make your dick bigger (involving a skin graft) as well as a surgery to get balls. Types and sizes of dick can vary.

-downsides are the recovery times and the time it can take to gain back sensation. Some people report never getting feeling back down there, or not as much as they had before surgery. However, the regret is very low for those who get it. Most people are very happy with the results.

-you do need to be on HRT in order to get bottom surgery. I believe it's for 2 years? You need to have your (trigger again) clit growth for a while in order for them to make it work.

How to start the medical process:

-research what's available in your area and talk to your doctor about getting a referral. It might be more complicated depending on where you live but that's really how you start.

-ask questions. Ask as many questions as you need to your doctor(s) about what everything will do.

-get a therapist. Most places will require a therapist letter in order to start medically transitioning.

-look up photos of results of everything.

-take your time

-take your time

-take your time

-you'll be ok. It's ok to be nervous, it's ok to be unsure. That's why you ask questions and you research to make sure you're comfortable with your choice. You'll be alright, it just takes time. You'll get there, I promise.

-good luck, and feel free to ask me for more info on anything.

[writersblockended]

Hawks Masturbating Drabble:

NSFW 18+ Minors DNI

CW// nsfw, swearing, slight vouyerism/ Pervy hawks

- fem bodied reader & Hawks POV

———————————————————————

Keigo plopped down on his office chair and turned his head to look outside his window. He sighed knowing he was gonna stay in his office for a couple more hours doing paperwork. It’s already almost evening and he’s still got tons of work due this Friday night, so he decided to do the right thing and stay up later than usual so he could enjoy his weekend off. He’s used to this routine of staying up late in his office but he just wishes he had some more time to himself.

He sighs again and turns back to face his desk, turning on his work laptop and types away at his case reports.

After an hour and a half of progress he decided he was gonna take a break, so he went down to the main floor to pick up something to eat from the food court. He was just gonna grab a water and an apple to keep his energy up.

When he reached the elevator he pushed down the button to the main floor and leaned back on the steel wall. If only he could get take out right now...nah I’ve got to keep in shape I can’t go around eating junk all the time...

He shrugged his head and let himself close his eyes as he felt the elevator do its job. He then heard the ding of the elevator and opened his eyes again expecting to be in the first floor, but instead his eyes met a short figure.

He saw you

He raked his eyes from bottom to top. Starting with your heels to your legs, and then those thighs, keeping his eyes at the level of your short and tight , black skirt that shaped your hips perfectly. Keigo looked up and realized you had your eyes fixed right on him so he cleared his throat awkwardly and looked away. He knew his face was red with how hot he was feeling.

Well that was embarrassing...

He observed the way you moved when you press on the button for the first floor and heard the elevator doors close. He tried his best to not look in your general direction but your figure had him in such a trance, he felt like your prescense could swallow him whole. He peaked from behind his wings to look at you once again and unbeknownst to him, his left wing bumped into you.

You let out a yelp followed with an “oh my” as you stumbled back, but Keigo was there to catch you before you fell. Wrapping his arm around you, he felt his chest press up against your forehead. “I’m so sorry I can be so clumsy sometimes” Keigo grinned, he had a clear view of your face and neck from this angle. You had to crane your neck up to make eye contact with him. You nodded and gave his explanation an acknowledgment, “it’s okay, it was an accident”

You turned back around to face the elevator door and right then, the doors clicked open to reveal the first floor. You stepped out and Keigo couldn’t help but admire the view from behind, those calves flexed nicely with the weight of your body and the heels that you wore. That tight, pencil mini skirt made your ass look even rounder than he would have expected. You seemed to have quite the sway in your walk that didn’t fit the serious look on your face that made you look like a top-level official from the hero commission.

He took a step forward realizing, he’d once again, stood there staring at you like an idiot. He couldn’t help it, you were seductive. And to be less creative with his words, you were hot. Out of respect he did not approach you, it was quite late anyway. He mentally shrugged and got his water and food as quickly as he could. He did not need any distractions right now. He had work, and lots of it, now wasn’t the time.

He went back to his office and scurried to his desk. He just needed to finish his work and go home, that’s it. As simple as it sounded his concentration kept faltering. He knew spring was right around the corner and his brain wasn’t cooperating like it usually would. It didn’t help that he had just run in with a really hot employee who he’d hadn’t even known the name of. If he was honest, he just felt horny and tired.

Keigo felt himself slowly lose motivation to finish up his work because his mind kept drifting to those wonderful well-shaped legs of yours oh and that itty bitty waist....no you gotta finish your work Keigo! You’re a hero not a perv

He groaned and closed his laptop. His useless attempt to keep his composure Wasn’t working and he had no other choice than to rub one in. So he closed his eyes and leaned back on his wings and began to caress his body up and down, slowly. Just enough to imagine your perfectly manicured nails trailing up his chest and down his abdomen. He felt himself grow hard at the thought of you being on your knees with a sultry look on your face, all just for him. Keigo palmed himself and slowly began rubbing himself through his pants, the friction making him slightly flustered. He wanted more, he needed more.

He unbuckled his belt and reached over his desk’s drawer for his secret stash of lube he always kept in his office. He’d never used it before but now just might be the perfect time. He pulled his boxers down and pumped his dick with his lubed up hand. Starting at the base to tease himself as he pretended his hand was yours instead. His cock was aching hard, the leaking tip already an angry red shade.

He began to stroke himself faster and held onto himself tighter. He started moaning softly, gasping and using his other hand to claw at his chair. The view was almost intoxicating for anyone who might catch him. The winged hero was sprawled all over his chair, head leaning back, with his legs fully spread apart. He was fucking his fist harshly now. His wrist straining at how quick his movements were, but he was too fucked out, horny, and lonely to care.

Stroking himself while the image of you present in his mind drew him over the edge, just enough to make him almost cum way too early. He couldn’t get you out of his head, all he could think of is what he would do to those thighs. Or what those thighs could do for him. He groaned once again and gave himself a couple more strokes until he felt himself get closer to an orgasm. He felt himself tense up and gave out a loud whimper before he finished. Thick, long ropes of cum coating his hand as he continued to stroke himself languidly. Quick pants leave his mouth as he struggles to gain composure after his orgasm. Suddenly the feeling of embarrassment overwhelmed his body.

I can’t believe I just jacked off at the thought of a one of my employees. Fuck. All because I couldn’t keep my hormones in check.

———————————————————————

YALL this was my first Drabble LMFAO idk it’s probably so bad ksosnwlslsls rip

Also follow me and send me asks!! They’re open !!!!

[theramseyloft]

7/23/21 Loft Notes

Feeling much better today.

Not 100%, yet, but closer to it than yesterday.

Cleaned Ankhou's feeding station.

Dove palace is clean.

Patron: "so I'm a little confused why some birds aren't allowed to breed?"

Patron: "health issues generally, or waiting to be shipped"

Patron: "Some portion of health issues aren't heritable, like broken wings and stuff though?"

Patron: "It might not be healthy for the bird to take care of babies or lay eggs,, it takes a lot out of them"

Most of my birds aren't allowed to breed.

Only 8 pair are on the breeding roster at any given time.  

Not necessarily because of anything wrong with anyone else, but because no responsible breeder breeds out of every single animal they produce or acquire.  

I'm very selective about who is allowed to contribute to the breeding program.  Who ever is allowed has to: 1. be physically fit enough that the strain of laying eggs and rearing peeps to weaning poses no known potential risk. 2. Have specific heritable traits the project needs.

For example, Alex and Dodger were allowed to stay and breed to incorporate the absolutely insane immune system feral pigeons develop by necessity into the Therapy bird project.  

Even when those conditions are met, not every clutch is allowed to hatch.  

If I allow a clutch to hatch, it's either because I need a baby from that pair for developmental observation, or because there are still people on my wait list waiting for their peep.  

Pairs that are retired are hatch controlled until they go to their new homes. Leonard and Elliot, for example, both have homes lined up, so the egg she laid yesterday was swapped for a fake.  

Passenger looks great now, but she barely survived.  

Eggs take a LOT of resources to produce! Each is larger than her head, and needs enough calcium from her to make not just the shell, but form the skeleton of an entire baby bird AND make all of the ridiculous chemical pathways and reactions that calcium is involved in.

The building blocks to make two entire baby birds and the encapsulated external wombs they will grow in comes directly from the tissue of the hen.  

After that, she's going to spend four weeks so devoted to keeping them fed that, between her weight loss and the rapid weight gain of the peeps, they will out weigh her when they wean.

That's hard on a fit hen.

To allow a hen that barely escaped death by malnutrition to go through that would not be acting in her best interest.

Clutch rearing is a lot less hard on the cock because the only tissue he's losing is a drop of semen.  Not exactly physiology expensive.   He'll put as much time and physical effort into incubating the eggs and feeding the peeps as she will, but he will not have provided all of the physical building materials to make the eggs and peeps.

Hospital cages are clean.

Cherub and Tandy seem to have accepted my solution to their dilemma.

Tandy laid an egg next to their not-quite-3-week-old, but couldn't actually set it because the peep was in the way.

I made a second nest box, intending it to be for the egg. But Tandy had shuffled a cup into the gross used nest, and that was the one she wanted to brood in.

So I removed the poop, preserved the cup to the best of my ability, returned the egg, and put the nestling in the clean nest.

Cherub is on the egg in the photo.

Mesh and bricks hosed yesterday brought in.

Window, mirror, swing, and weight stones brought out and washed.

Pigeons really seem to like their new diet. These are the roundest, most neatly compacted poos I've seen in a while!

Well shit.

My loft's doorknob has fallen apart in my hand.

Well, fuck...

Fixed it!

Required several minutes of standing in the hateful ga sun, but I fixed it.

Needles finally got here!

Nettle tread Hoss.

Swing, clean mats, and clean bricks replaced.

Compost emptied.

Back third nest boxes mucked.

Mesh laid out.

Birds watered, supplemented, and fed.

Nests mucked.

Need to take a break.

Starting to develop heat exhaustion.

Caught myself early, drank cold water, and sat with my foot on the AC vent.

Heading out to finish up.

Center third finished.

Just the front third and photos left.

Ginger's simpin' pretty hard for Lucy.

Keeps trying to interrupt Pippin treading her to get in there himself.

Maybe he's who sired her older peep with pied markings on his beak.

None of Pippin's kids have ever been pied. He doesn't cary any.

I'm done with the manual aspect of loft work.

Nettle is 5 months old, and so busy driving Hoss that I can't get a fucking shot of him.

Jesus Christ, Nobu has nestlings and was easier to get.

The camera struggles to focus on Komodore's white face because it doesn't like the contrast with her shiny black neck, and she was easier to get!

Fucking Suki, who has nestlings and a horny husband and hates me was easier to get photos of!

Bell, who reacts to the camera like it will steal her soul, posed like a model.

Nettle is still chasing Hoss.

Buddy. We're gonna lose the light

Can you take literally a thirty second break, so I can get updates of you?

God damn fucking teenage boy hormones.

I had to put her on the porch. He's been so intent on chasing her that he's gullar fluttering like he's gonna faint.

Patron: "Nettle jfc"

"Keep it in your pants for a second"

And now Couture is trying to drive everything that moves, and won't fucking let Nettle cool off.

Nevermind, Nettle won't let himself.

Starting shit with literally everyone is not going to help you cool off, Nettle.

Neither is yelling about this nest box belonging to you between panting.

There you go.

Drinking water actually will.

[taetaesbaebaepsae]

BTS You’re Pregnant (and unmarried) Reaction

Warnings: a little angst, some talk about whether to keep the baby (not much), smut includes breeding kink ofc, body worship, etc Word Count: 2486

Seokjin

You tell him in a rush, that you've taken five tests and you can't get false positives anyway and you know this is bad timing and oh god, you're rambling.

He just looks at you, blinking rapidly. "It… It's mine?"

Your heart drops to your toes before anger floods through you.

"What the fuck did you just ask me?"

"No! No wait I'm sorry, take that back." Seokjin makes an exaggerated fishing reel motion and usually that would make you laugh but you just stare at him stonily.

You wipe angrily at your eyes and he moves closer to you on the couch.

"Don't cry, sweetheart, I'm sorry. I was just...I was surprised."

"Yeah, me too! Of course it's yours, you jerk, I can't believe you asked me that."

"I am a jerk," he agrees, pulling you into his lap.

You bury your face in his chest, hiccuping sobs. 

"Such a jerk," he murmurs, rubbing circles on your back. "Of course it's mine, because you're mine and everything's gonna be okay. No matter what you decide, we'll get through it, yeah?"

It's easier after that, Seokjin indulges your every food craving, getting up to cook for you at 2am if you decide you need it.

At the first ultrasound, he’s cracking jokes and making you laugh but when the heartbeat starts up he just goes really quiet.

“Jinnie?” You call softly.

When he takes your hand, his is shaking a bit and when you look up at him, he’s crying these big tears.

“We should get married,” he says, and you hit him with the heel of your hand.

“You can’t propose to me when I’m in stirrups on a fucking metal bed, Seokjin!”

He just gives you this dashing smile, so you roll your eyes and say yes.

He becomes fascinated with how full your breasts are getting, loves cupping them in his hands, how extra sensitive your nipples get when he runs his tongue over them, how they turn a duskier color after a few months.

They just keep getting fuller over the coming months and the way you start filling out your shirts makes him crazy.

When you complain about how much weight you're gaining he scoffs, makes you all your favorites, makes a point to kiss every part of you that night in bed.

Yoongi

He’s quiet for a long moment after you tell him, looking down at his hands in his lap. When he does speak, his tone is soft and calm.

“Are you...are you going to keep it?”

Your mouth drops open a bit, and when he looks up at you his eyes go wide and he fumbles for your hand.

“No, no, that’s not how I meant it. I mean, do you want to keep it?”

“Do you want to keep it?”

His throat works and he looks away from you again.

“I...you’re not supposed to ask me that. It’s your body and you-”

“I’m asking if you want to have a family with me, Yoongi.”

He meets your eyes and his are big and wet.

“I would very much like to have a family with you, Y/n.”

Then you’re crying and he’s crying and you end up having to go throw up because you have morning sickness and you’re very emotional but he just sits behind you and rubs your back and you think you’re glad if this happened it was with him.

He’s perfect, really, spends all his extra time with you, doesn’t stay too late at the studio, brings you the chocolates you’ve been craving home when he comes in so much that you tell him you’ll gain too much weight.

He makes the funniest face at you, like he’s offended and appalled that you’d ever suggest that as a possibility, and it makes you laugh so hard you almost pee on yourself because man you have to do that a lot now that you’re pregnant.

And the sex ramps up to an almost intimidating degree.

Yoongi can't get enough of how juicy your pussy is, how your taste changes just slightly and his face is buried between your thighs as often as you'll let him.

He loves how fast he can make you cum now, how you’re so sensitive and he’s always trying to coax one more orgasm out of you.

“You can, I know it, you’re so good, baby, just one more,” with his fingers buried inside you, crooking up just like you like until you’re muffling your shouts with the pillow until your face turns red.

Once you have the ultrasound, the records the heartbeat with his phone, uses it in tracks as a backbeat, he’s so proud even if he can’t tell his fans he wants it in here somewhere.

Hoseok

You show him the pregnancy test and his mouth drops open slightly.

“Are you sure?”

You wave the stick at him. “Hoseok, I just showed you the thing, this is the third test.”

“No, I mean-” he stops, takes a long breath, starts again. “I mean, are you sure you want this? Like, with me?”

“What do you mean, with you?”

“I mean, I’m not-” he mumbles, and you stop him with a hand over his mouth.

“Don’t do that. Don’t do this I’m not enough for you speech because you’re amazing and I love you so much. I want to have this baby. I want to have your baby.”

“Yeah?” His voice is shaky when you remove your hand, and you climb into his lap and everything seems so much easier than when you were anxiously waiting to see him, to tell him everything.

He proposes before the first ultrasound, and of course you say yes.

The first time the baby moves, he’s lying behind you with his arm wrapped around you and his hand on your belly and he yells so loud when the baby kicks at his palm that you almost fall off the bed.

You don’t stop laughing until he’s got his hand back on your belly, all misty eyed.

“Do it again, yeah?”

At the sound of his voice, you feel a tiny little bump again, and he just bursts into tears.

He’s fascinated by the way your body changes while you’re pregnant, loves how adorable you look in overalls with your baby bump.

Sex turns into this all night affair, hours and hours because he keeps going on and on about how much hotter your cunt is now, how your skin in general feels hotter and smoother and he just can’t shut up about it.

“You’re so hot, Y/n, fuck-like...you’ve always been hot, but now it’s like, literally-” He babbles, buried inside you.

“Hoseok, please, please move,” you plead, pushing back against him.

When you turn your head to look at him he’s smirking at you. “But I like it when you beg.”

At the 20 week ultrasound he can’t stop smiling and asking questions, you’re anxious because you want to make sure it’s okay.

“Of course they’re okay. They’re ours, right? They’ll be wonderful.”

Namjoon

He just stares at you for what seems like an inordinately long time.

“Joon?”

“Um, so, like, is this...a good thing? Are we happy?”

You raise an eyebrow. “Yes, I’m happy.”

He heaves a big relieved sigh and wraps you in his arms.

“Then it’ll be okay. Everything will be okay.”

You feel better instantly, less anxious with his arms around you.

He’s fascinated with everything about your pregnancy, keeps reading facts on the internet and asking you questions that are increasingly more gross.

“Is your discharge different because that can mean-”

“Kim Namjoon we are not talking about my discharge.”

“Yeah but what if-”

“No.”

“Also, I read that-”

“Joonie, I swear to God I’m gonna take away your phone and your computer if you don’t stop.”

He leans down to kiss your belly every time he comes in the door.

It becomes this ritual, to kiss your belly every time he sees you and you can’t help but smile.

You don’t ever have a second to feel insecure about your changing body because he worships you in bed, even more so than before.

He can't believe how much more responsive you are, how a single drag of his fingers up your side has your nipples peaked, your skin flushed.

“You look so pretty like this, baby, so easily worked up.”

Namjoon talks to the baby constantly, about everything and nothing, just like he does to you, in this low, calm voice, and sometimes you fall asleep and when you wake he’s still talking, telling the baby things, and it makes your heart swell with love.

Jimin

He covers his face with his hands immediately when you tell him, and you’re worried.

You worry your lip between your teeth. “Jimin?

After a long moment you take his hands from his face.

He’s crying, these big fat tears, and you don’t know what it means until he wraps his arms around you.

“Jagi, we made a baby?”

You melt, kissing all over his face.

“We did.”

He’s so happy, and you hadn’t expected that he would be, thought maybe he’d be anxious about it.

He loves your baby bump so much, all but squeals with happiness when it starts showing under your clothes, keeps a hand on your belly at all times, sitting on the couch, in bed, at a restaurant.

He doesn’t want to miss a single kick while he’s home with you.

Jimin's favorite thing about your pregnancy is how you want him all the time, constantly, pulling him into a passionate kiss the second he walks into the room, pulling him down on the bed as he laughs into your mouth. 

He wants you naked in bed at night so he can trail his hands along your skin.

He just keeps trailing his fingers along your skin, so light it’s maddening, and you’re getting wetter and wetter and pleading but he’s just talking softly, taking his time.

“You’re glowing, jagiya. You’re so bright all full with our baby. It makes you mine, you know? You’re both mine.”

Eventually, you lean up to drag him down for a kiss and usually that does it, makes him slide inside you and finally give you what you want.

When you have Braxton Hicks contractions and it’s way too early, he’s as stoic as he can be, holding your hand, but when it’s over and they tell you it’s not labor he’s so relieved there are tears streaming down his face.

He just loves you so much, and he’s glad there’s this product of your love, he’s so proud and wishes he could show it to the world.

Taehyung

It’s way more simple than you thought, telling Taehyung about the baby. 

You’re a bit worried, he can be a bit standoffish, especially when he’s stressed, and you feel vulnerable and hormonal

That boxy smile is there immediately, tears welling in his eyes.

“I”m so happy! Are you happy? You’re happy, yeah?”

Yeontan comes running up and he tells him he’s going to have a brother or sister, it’s so cute you want to yell.

“I should quit.” He says, suddenly.

“You should what?”

“I should quit! I can’t be away all the time when you’re pregnant, you need me here for all the doctor’s appointments and so I can see you grow-”

He’s already dialing his manager before you can stop him.

It’s rough, that fight, the argument about how he shouldn’t make a snap decision, especially before the baby is born, but in the end, he just wants to provide for you and make you happy, so he acquiesces. 

He’s just in the best mood after, even when you’re snappy because of the hormones he just tells you that you’re right even if you’re irrational.

Taehyung kisses the pregnancy line on your belly, runs his fingers over it. 

Thinks it's just so cute when your bellybutton pops.

When you complain about how your body is changing he doesn't know how to tell you that your growing belly makes him want you so much, how sexy he finds you glowing with his baby.

It ends up coming out in dirty talk, and his low voice in your ear sends you over the edge.

You’re too pregnant for most all positions so he’s fucking you while you’re lying down, spooned behind you.

“You’re so fucking sexy this way, all full of my baby, wish you could always look like this. You’re already pregnant but I want to fill you with  my cum anyway, keep you dripping with me, yeah?”

The first ultrasound he gets so many pictures you feel like the doctor’s office is probably going to charge extra for printer ink, hands them out to all the other boys, pastes them on the refrigerator like the baby is anything more than a peanut.

Jungkook

He doesn’t react the way you think he will. 

His eyes widen just a bit.

“Ah, we’re happy, yeah?” He says finally, and you laugh a little.

“Yeah, we’re happy.”

He nods vigorously. “Good. Good, we’re happy.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Are you not happy?”

He takes your hands in his. 

“I’m happy.”

He’s freaking out. 

You know it but he won’t say it, he’s way too quiet and he keeps doing the most extra things.

When you say you want to take a bath, offhand, he goes to run it for you and then picks you up to carry you to it.

He’s extra protective in public, one hand on your lower back everywhere you go, shielding you with his body from anyone on the street.

“Are you okay with all of this?” You ask, finally.

“What? Of course I am.”

He’s asking Namjoon for advice, texting him all hours of the night.

One night when you look over, you see what if I’m a bad father?

Your heart cracks and you tug at his arm.

“You’re going to be the best dad,” you tell him.

He kisses you so softly. “I love you so much.”

It isn’t as if you’ve ever had trouble in bed, but there’s something about pregnancy sex that really gets you.

Jungkook loves how your hips get wider, how your ass fills out, and as much as he loves to see your face he's delighted that when your belly is too big for missionary he gets to fuck you from behind, grab your hips with his hands and watch your ass jiggle with every thrust.

He tries not to show it, but you know he’s nervous at the ultrasound, he’s bouncing his knee and there’s worry around his eyes.

When everything’s okay with the baby, he relaxes, stops squeezing your hand so tightly.

He keeps a picture of the ultrasound in his wallet, looks at it when he feels down or misses you both too much when he’s away.

[angelsonthesideline]

Tales From the Ex-Crypt Vol. 9

Wow.. volume 9.. I'm going to wrap it up with this one because I really don't want to live in the past or think about any of these people any more. I'm happy, even if Mr HTG is still not officially mine, I only want to look forward and these crypts will be closed. There are definitely more stories than the ones I've written here.. but this is the one that people are like "NO.. that only happens in movies!"

So, I was minding my own business at work when one of my regular customers walked in with a friend. They had been at a dinner party, and started talking about winter tires, and my customer said that the friend had to come see me for tires, and proceeded to bring him in. His friend wasn't someone who really stood out to me, there was nothing remarkable to me about him. He was nice enough, mild mannered, tall, blue eyes, great smile (I'm a sucker for eyes and smiles) and we went over some tire options. I sent them on their way with the friend having his quotes in hand.

I didn't really think anything more of it, it was busy (snow) season and I was plenty busy. A week or so later, the friend comes back, he had decided on some tires and steel wheels and put his deposit down on the order. I wrote up the order, and handed him his copy, when he asked "so when do I get to see you again?" and my smart ass responded with something to the effect of when he got his tires on.

I hadn't really paid any attention to him prior to that moment, and he wasn't my "type" at all. I went home, and something kept nagging at me about him, so I sent him a text after getting his number off his order slip. This is not something I generally do, but since he'd already asked me out, I didn't feel like I was overstepping. This was also 10 years ago.

I didn't hear anything back until the Monday, when I got a profuse apology for the delay, and the excuse that he had had his phone stolen while having lunch on a patio over the weekend in a busy tourist town.

We started talking regularly, he came in and got his snow tires in the meantime, and we hung out for our first "date". He told me he was on a joint task force for terrorist threats between the FBI and CSIS and had to travel often as the supervisor of his unit. He said he would try to see me as often as possible but that it wasn't always a lot of time. I didn't mind, as I was busy and we facetimed and talked by text and phone. I never felt neglected.

We dated for a year, our relationship was amazing, we got along so well, and he made me strive to be my best self. I lost a ton of weight, was eating well, and made an appointment with my doctor to get my mental health in check.

We never had sex, we just had incredibly hot makeout sessions. I always thought it was odd that he didn't want to go any further, but he said he had had a bad experience and wanted to wait until we were married. As he was on the smaller side, I figured that had something to do with it, but I was so absolutely in love by that point it didn't really matter.

He had all sorts of pics of him in his flack in his suits, in the cars, with the guns, or just in offices. I'd get a text or call saying he was flying in and was driving to see me, but would only have about an hour or two to spend with me before he had to get back to his team and back on the road. It kept things exciting, and I loved surprise visits when he'd text me at work that he was outside.

I wanted to see him more, of course, especially as things got more intense between us. But it was always a matter of time for him. No matter how awful other things in my life were going, whenever asked how things with him were, I would immediately brighten and say they were amazing.

My anxiety was getting to a very dysfunctional level, and I was struggling hardcore to manage it. I went to the doctor, he arranged for me to begin therapy. He was supportive when I told him. This was around our 1 year together. But the next time I got to see him, I got doused with ice water, when I gifted him with an expensive watch and he told me he wanted to take our relationship back a step because of his schedule. His reason was that I was amazing and I deserved to be able to pursue someone who could give me everything he wasn't able to due to his job. I was blindsided and devastated. Because I loved him so much, and was dumb, I agreed to try. I'm an absolutely all-in or all-out type of personality, there is no grey middle ground for me. It is why I do struggle with FWB and casual arrangements, unless I have mentally steeled myself to be all-out and just enjoy the moment without feelings.

My first year of therapy and into my second was almost fully dedicated to dealing with this trauma. I have never had a break up so devastating. I am pretty sure most of the damage came from the shock, but also from the "trying" to move forward with him flitting in and out of my life instead of just cutting clean ties.

I cried a lot.. I was so stressed my cortisol levels caused my body to produce more than double the healthy level of reverse T3, completely messing up my thyroid and metabolism, I gained weight, lost energy and all the other fall out. It took me years to recover, and moving to NS and stumbling upon a doctor who treated the thyroid issues (which seem to be back in working order now after some thyroid hormone therapy).

I have never ever let someone have so much impact on my life, and the only reason I can ever explain it with was just the depth of love I had for this man. I don't even know why or what sucked me in, beyond his confidence and charm. He was one of the many devil Aquarius that I dated, always trying to prove the zodiac/astrology stuff was absolutely wrong (because I am generally SO drawn to Aquarius and have dated that sign more than any other). The zodiac definitely kicked my ass with Aquarius to show me that I fucked around and found out the hard way for sure.

We did the on and off/casual thing for 6 months before it was too toxic and messed me up too badly and I cut him off. It was about 6 months later he crawled back, and we tried it again for about another 6 months before I broke again and cut him off permanently.

I tried to not think of him, and started trying to move on with dating. My longterm ex and I had become gaming friends again by this point, in a mostly healthy and functional way. He had asked me to get an app called Voxter so he could send me voice messages (pre-imsg) and I had. You have to make an account to use Voxter though, and then the app itself didn't pick up my soft voice so I deleted it. But the account remained.

One day, I get an email that I have a new suggested contact/friend on Voxter. I open the email, and low and behold, it is Mr Aquarius Devil... and I'm like "hmm.. I don't have any of his new contact information in my phone" so I go to my computer and open my gmail.. start typing in his name and up pops this picture:

The fucker was MARRIED... and had a KID.

I will say, that was the BEST closure ever.. I was INSTANTLY over his ass instead of lamenting WHY it hadn't worked and what I had possibly done wrong. What I had done wrong, was fall for a fucking dirtbag.

Now, I work with the public.. and I had lots of regular customers that would ask me how I was and what was going on with me, and share what was going on with them. I was angry, and I showed a few of them this pic and was like "look at this fucker, he has a WIFE and KID" and I think it got back to him.

Two weeks after I stumbled upon this picture on his gmail, I got a full confessional email from him.

Turns out, he had been married for 12 years, and his son was 7 at the time I found out. Not only that, but he wasn't in law enforcement, HE WAS A PASTOR.. He had also gotten busted for sleeping with two women in his congregation, and fooling around with two others. He had lost his congregation and his church was sending him out west to some rehab. His wife was staying with him, and moving out there with him. He basically said it was all a lie (everything) and that his therapist said he had to write apology letters and explain himself to his victims (like myself). He said it was an ego trip to compensate for low self esteem. So basically, I was just an ego boosting toy for him.

A year later, I received a random text message from a southern Alberta phone number. I am guessing it was his wife, as all it said was "Have you been in contact with J***?" and I was like "J*** who?" and never heard anything ever again. But I am sure he was already back to his old tricks.

[painfulcupcakevoid]

I got fucking covid :) -TRIGGER WARNING: please read at your own risk.

No positive test yet but I've been in contact with 3 people who tested positive and am showing symptoms.

I have other chronic and mental things going on so please spam my ask/inbox or dms, I need as much company as I can get.

I'm fucking terrified.

Mental and chronic things going on:

•Intrusive thoughts are starting to intrude when im picturing my happy place and are becoming visual images- it feels like it's reality until I realize it's not and can pull myself out

•I am alone on my college campus, not staying busy/not being social leaves me alone too much with my thoughts

•I am struggling severely with my major depressive disorder right now, im at a point where if I break i will need to go to inpatient immediately to prevent me from hurting myself or killing myself

•I changed the time thst i take my birth control and it threw off my hormones and my circulation so I've been bleeding and with cramps for the past 2 weeks and am about to start the placebo pills tomorrow to trigger an actual period

•I was put on birth control because of how disabling my periods are due to my POTS* so it's a seasonal bc, I go 12 weeks without a period and 7 days with a period generally speaking

•*Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, we believe I have it biologically but are unsure, basically I have low blood pressure and a heartrste thsts a little too fast for that blood pressure rate

-syymptoms I suffer the most (there are more that others may experience)when my blood pressure is low and heart rate is up: fatigue, having to adjust to different temperatures make me week, can't focus on anything, dizzy a Lot, migraines, sometimes vomiting, if I get sick all symptoms are amplified of POTS and sickness, sometimes limbs feel imbolile, if my body is weak but I'm mentally forcing myself up I have to use my cane mobility aid to get around, nausea all the time!!!, depression increased due to lack of blood flow to brain, always cold-can tolerate cold better than hot, always sweating,

•I'm literally paranoid about someone listening to me all the fucking time

•my dad said that he know I think I might gain weight being isolated and he tried to calm me when I told him

Please guys I have a lot going on on top of an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food please just talk to me. About anything, your favorite show, your muse, go off about a hyperfixation, spill some tea, vent, nothing political please, educate me about your religion (I'm willing to listen and learn but please don't try to convert me), brag to me about your art, tell me your guilty pleasure, tell me your goals in life, tell me something you wish you could tell your mom. Please just talk to me I need this right now.

03.06.2021

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

Radical Trans Activism

Alright so que the children on tumblr calling me a transphobe and saying there is no such thing as a radical activist. 

Let me be clear in this opening statement. I do not hate or dislike trans people in any capacity. My issue is with and only with trans activists specifically of the radical type. I’ll explain.

Right now there is a subsect of Trans activists that have this idea that everyone can be trans. They use ideas like “If a boy likes girly things, they are a girl.��� or “If they are a girl and the like boyish things they are actually a boy”. It doesn’t stop there though. They also will not question a person who believes they are trans at all. All they will do is just “yes yes yes, so brave so bold so great” with zero question at all. Even going so far as to say you don’t need body dysphoria at all to be trans. And their worst offense if that wasn’t the worst, is the fact they coined the term “egg”. As in “You are not actually gay or lesbian. You are actually strait. You are just a trans person waiting to “hatch”. *Also of note, this reinforces that stereotypes for clothing, toys, and products ARE gendered and need to stay separate. Meaning YOU are the ones trying to bring back gender stereotypes and keep them in place. Which is also harmful to people who are gender non conforming or a-sexual*

This type of stuff is all pretty disgusting because you will see activists lie and say this does not happen. But it does. And it happens often. There are even blog sites and discord servers dedicated to “hatching eggs”. How messed up a person do you have to be to tell a person in their late teens early 20′s they they are not gay. What are you saying? A man can love another man unless he’s “actually a woman”. The level of sheer bigotry coming off that is insane. The phrase “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” exists specifically for people like this. Neo Progressives that think progress at all costs, even lives, is the right path. It’s not. And I’ll tell you why. For the past 6 years, LGBT acceptance has been going down. Not because people are becoming bigger bigots. Not even. The reason is that being “hyper gay and angry” became a literal personality. Gay people have always wanted to just be accepted. More over, they just wanted to love who they love and that’s it. It was never “accept that I’m flamboyantly gay and hate everything that’s not gay” never once was that what “Pride” was about. Never once was that what was wanted. 

Now however, we have LGBT acceptance seeing an all time low. Worse than that, pride parades have become fetish parades. You know what that has caused? Even the idea of acceptance in traditionalist countries is now in the tank. Because they one thing LGBT people wanted all up until the early 00′s was not to be considered degenerate just because they love someone from the same sex. “Oh well those cultures are bigoted and they need to get with the times” I hear you say like to morons I know you are. Missing the bigger picture. Obama was anti gay marriage. And the only reason he was for it later on was for the votes for a second term. Meaning you need those countries to accept LGBT people in general as a large group. Instead however you have turned being gay into this “fuck cis people they are all stupid, dirty, unclean, and i’m better in every way because gay people never do anything wrong. Assault? Rape? Battery? Crime in general? Cheating? Nah never.” NEWS FLASH! Gay people are human too. Just like trans people. Just like cis/strait people. But you’ve all turned being gay into a personality type. It’s not. Being flamboyant is a personality trait. And not all gay people are flamboyant. Not all lesbians are butch. 

So how does this all play in to radical trans activism? Glad you *probably didn’t* ask. Just like with the above situation causing LGBT people in other countries to be seen as more and more degenerate as the US is almost always he main stage for that type stuff, you are all tying to erode things that are not fake. I mean people try to say male and female are not even real. Well funny you should say that because if they are not trans is also fake. Why change your body if what you feel is fake anyways. Your body isn’t male. Male isn’t real. See the logic there. Of course you don’t. You are probably either some tween on this hell site trying to act like you know better, or some 20 something that thinks they know everything. Me? I’ve got 8-10 years of psychological studies under my belt. Although, on to the fun bits. You need body dysphoria to be trans; Otherwise you are not trans. The difference is that trans people can’t help how they feel. You with your need to special saying you are trans is insulting as fuck to actual trans people too. Oh and the “yes men” I mentioned earlier? They are responsible for what is now 100′s of detransitions in the UK. Mostly teens-early 20′s. And a lot of them were affirmed left and right. Told that for sure they were trans. THEY WERE FUCKING INDOCTRINATED. And many will never be able to fully detransition either. Meaning their lives are fucked in some way or another. Why? Oh well lets list it off. 

Excess body hair up to and including facial and body hair

Hair loss

The growth of breasts on a biological boy

Weight loss or gain because of the transition hormones

Lower bone density

Less functional immune system

Stunted Height

Possible issues in brain development. 

Possible medical issues based on the hormones received that would not normally affect your biological sex. 

Dysphoria caused by either top or bottom surgery *which is not always reversible* (Which can also lead to depression and suicide feeling you made a rushed decision and made a huge mistake*

And that’s the short list. But the majority of people that were affected by this affirmation transitioning were mostly women. And a number of them were actually lesbians who saw being trans as a way to follow tradition of the male/female dynamic. And a large number were on the autism spectrum. 

So let me put this in a way you will understand. Radical Trans activists, much like the gay “children” today, are going to not only tank acceptance. They are likely going to make it harder to transition in the future. Because when the case number of detransitions reaches the 1000′s and Neo Progressives can’t hide them anymore, legislation will start to pass to protect people from all of this. Even if they are actually trans. And a recent pediatric study showed that over 90% of children with body dysphoria get over it by the time they are teens. The reason you all need to accept this is because you’d willingly ruin the lives of thousands of people just so one trans person can be happy. Which is pretty fucked up. To put that in prospective, that the same as you killing the many in the trolley problem. That’s what happens when you base your life decisions on feelings rather than logic and real life. 

Long story short? You are doing more harm than good. You will be the reason that a generation down the road, actual trans people can’t get transitions. And it will not just be a problem of the middle east or traditionalist countries. This will be western countries like Canada, The US, UK, Australia etc. Both socially and legally there will be more and more road blocks. And you might think it won’t happen but it will. Just like PC language police and woke culture has resulted in racism getting worse over the last few years. 

Take heed to what I’m saying. You can call me a bigot or whatever you like (it doesn’t make you right), but fact is as well intentioned as you might be, you need to understand that what you are doing, and saying, will bring far more harm than good. Also to anyone that sees this that might be trans, take your time, talk to people that don’t just affirm you. Honestly? Seek therapy with a therapist that will talk to you about the pros AND cons of transitioning. Do not listen to people on here, do not just listen to yes men. You need to know for sure before you transition. Just read above as to what can happen to you. You might thing it’s no big deal, but it is. Sure find yourself. But just because you don’t like your body doesn’t mean you have dysphoria. Legit go to and stick with therapy if you think you do have it though. Because fact is transitioning is not a magic fix all. No matter who tells you it is. And be sure to avoid and shut down radical activists. if you don’t, they will be the cause of trans people getting hurt in the future. Be it by legislation or by society or both. Love yourself before you change yourself and beware of people trying to turn you into something that you are not. Especially you younger people. You might think you and your friends know everything but I promise they don’t. And they often won’t be there after you make mistakes. 

[voxlette11]

Eric and Leo, Finale

Two high-powered businessmen learn what it means to play with experimental drugs.

A/N: This is a re-post of something I originally authored in 2013/14 on Mpreg Central under the username BellLee (BellLee11) - I can’t remember because I lost my login info and access to the forums once permission regulations changed!

Content: unknowing mpreg, lactation, birth, accelerated pregnancy

Eighteen Weeks After Conception

…

Leo was huge, and Eric was completely in love with him for it. He followed him secretly every now and then throughout the day, not only out of paternal investment, but also out of personal curiosity and gratification. How did Leo get his daily duties done with a belly that looked like an oversized beach ball? How did he maintain his balance? How did other people look at his monstrosity of a gut? 

The other day Leo had dropped a pen in the hallway and struggled to get low enough to actually reach it; he’d had to spread his legs and slowly squat to even consider the possibility. He carried things now by partially balancing them on the top of the notable mound. He had to, there was no room in his arms otherwise.

His gait had changed markedly over the past weeks, Eric had noted. In the beginning, Leo’s pregnancy hadn’t affected his bodily movements very much and everything had been very much the same. But as the pregnancy progressed, Leo’s hips seemed to take on a cross between a sway and a waddle while in motion – in fact, Eric would say it almost appeared as if they were marginally widening with each passing week, for each passing week the waddle/sway was getting more and more pronounced.

Carrying his belly put a lot of strain on him, curving his back sharply at the bottom. This forced the small man to throw his front load forward and his head and shoulders backward in an attempt to even out his taxing weight distribution.

This was not the only change. 

In addition to his growing belly, Leo had also started growing small breasts. Eric had noted them in full for the first time four weeks ago, when the brunet had complained that they were aching. Eric had assumed the accumulating breast tissue was just a side effect of Leo’s additional weight gain, but it turned out they were something much more utilitarian.

Eric had straddled the small man’s thighs in bed, leaning over Leo and rubbing at his swollen, pink nipples with large, dexterous fingers. He tugged and smoothed, turned and twisted. And that’s when they both discovered that Leo was producing milk in his mammaries.

“What the hell is that?” Leo asked quizzically, looking seriously concerned about his body for the first time since his morning sickness went away.

Thinking quickly, Eric supplied, “You’ve had a lot of body changes these past few months, yeah? It’s got to do with your hormones. Too much of them, and then this stuff starts happening.”

Leo seemed to mull this information over in his head, and Eric waited apprehensively for his response.

I don’t want this to be over so soon…

“Hormones, you said?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh…well, whatever you’re doing, it feels like a fucking miracle so keep it up.”

“You got it.”

And so, added to their routine, was a daily “milking”. If Leo went too long without stimulation, his small breasts got so uncomfortable he couldn’t focus on his work. Eventually, to save time, Eric bought a milk pump. They used it together often, Leo sometimes alone. It was the perfect opportunity, really, because Eric secretly took what was produced and froze it in storage. He figured by the time the baby was born, Leo might not want to feed it himself 24/7. Any new mother appreciated a respite, and that’s where a generous store of milk came in handy.

Eric also used these opportunities to feel out the baby, limbs, arms, the head. He liked to know where the baby was positioned, though judging by how hard it was for Leo to catch his breath and how often he went to the restroom, Eric figured the baby was compressing his lungs and sitting right on his bladder. Sometimes, he felt kicks, a fluttering against his large hand, to which Leo would grunt and say, “Gas.”

But that was four weeks ago. Now that Leo was, biologically, thirty six weeks pregnant, it seemed it was easier for him to breathe. That meant, according to what Eric had read, that the baby was descending into the pelvis, preparing for its imminent birth. This was in sync with Leo complaining of discomfort in his pelvis, and he was endlessly shifting around while stationary, trying in vain to make himself comfortable. Also, Leo’s nipples were widening, darkening, the same shade as the line on his belly. Easier for the baby to see. He had taken to small unconscious nesting behaviors, like organizing his closet and asking Eric to help him clean his modest apartment in the Bronx. 

Eric had only two more weeks to wait.

…

Twenty Four Weeks After Conception

…

The baby had not yet arrived. It was three weeks late, which meant that, biologically, Leo was carrying a baby ten months and two weeks at term. This worried Eric. There was an important merger going on at the company, the joining of two firms coming to a crux, and he hadn’t had much time to spend with Leo one-on-one as they liked. He had especially wanted to keep a close eye on the smaller man as his due date approached, particularly because Eric was the only one who knew what was actually happening to him. But both their busy schedules meant they rarely crossed paths, and neither of them had spent more than ten minutes with the other in weeks.

Eric could tell that Leo was reaching the limits of his physical capacity. His clothes bordered on the unprofessional, they were drawn so tightly across and around him. His belly, apparently having reached its limit for outward growth a few weeks ago, began bulging and expanding at the sides. He really was beginning to physically resemble a ball, a ball that could barely walk and function as a normal human being.

Eric got out of his meeting early, and decided to go check on the other man. He walked down to Leo’s floor, but when he got to Leo’s desk, the pregnant man wasn’t there.

“Excuse me,” he stopped a passing clerical worker. “But why isn’t Leo in today?”

“Oh, him?” the woman nodded. “He called in sick today. Why? Did he miss something big?”

No, but I might be missing something big right now…literally.

Eric was filled at once with a healthy sense of fear and giddy excitement. Could this be the day? 

“No, no everything’s fine. Thank you. Excuse me,” Eric dismissed the woman and rushed to the elevator.

Please, please wait for me.

He caught a cab and paid the driver extra to get to Leo’s place in half the time. Quickly, he buzzed into the building via the doorman and climbed the stairs to the third floor himself because the elevator seemed like too slow an option. Hands shaking with excitement, Eric pulled out his key ring and found the spare to Leo’s apartment. 

He opened the door.

…

Leo hadn’t felt like getting out of bed that day. He had the energy, but something had felt off for some reason. A sense of some impending force. He supposed a lot of it had to do with the stress he was putting up with at work, mental, emotional, and physical. He considered himself a hard worker, but everyone needed an off day. He figured he might as well take this one as a freebie for himself.

He had been getting strange, shooting sensations down his legs ever since the pressure in his pelvis had appeared around four weeks ago. He was having difficulty sleeping, leaking nipples, swollen ankles, itchy stretching skin, and still insatiable hunger. The flutterings were the strongest they’d ever been, sometimes actually managing to take his breath away. He was generally uncomfortable. And last week, he’d had a serious internal freak out when he’d pulled off his boxer briefs and found the insides coated with some sort of slightly bloody, mucous discharge. He’d brushed it off because he hadn’t felt any different, and it didn’t happen again.

Now, however, he felt different.

As of that morning, he’d been getting low, strange, dully painful tightenings that started in his back and worked their way around to the front of him, reverberating up to his belly button. His prostrate was being stimulated somehow in all of this, and he was harder than he’d been in weeks. The strange sensation had happened more than once, each time getting slightly longer in duration and the frequency increasing but a few minutes.

He lounged on the bed, naked. Nightclothes were more of a hassle than they were worth. He stared at the ceiling, wishing something would happen to break the tedium of his boredom. 

Then, the bedroom door opened, and there stood Eric. Leo smiled to himself.

Perfect.

…

Leo was a sight to behold, laying naked on top of his sleep-rumpled bed sheets. Eric hadn’t seen him naked in weeks, and just looking at him made the blond go half-hard. His belly was obscenely fecund, arcing away from his spine in a practically violent fashion. His abdomen demanded attention, the straining skin obviously struggling to contain the child within. The baby was low, Eric could see that even with Leo laying down. His abdomen bulged more and more dramatically as it got closer to his groin, taking on a torpedo-like shape. Leo’s breasts were still small, but they were pert and perched atop the great swell like little decorative afterthoughts. His bellybutton looked abused, red and swollen, five times its normal size by some strange feat of the body. His cock, too, was erect and pressing against the curvaceous underside of his mound.

Eric breathed a sigh of relief. Leo looked ready to burst, but he wasn’t in labor. Yet.

“Hey,” he said, stepping into the room. “I heard you were sick. Came over to make sure you were okay.”

Leo waved away his worries.

“Nah,” the brunet said, “I just…felt…strange today was all. I couldn’t bring myself to get to the office.”

“Oh, that’s good.”

“Yeah…,” Leo trailed off, then looked slyly to the side. 

“So,” he began, “I’m pretty bored here…you want to make this day a little more interesting?”

Eric's cock stiffened eagerly to its full length.

"Of course," he said.

He climbed onto the bed, parting Leo's legs himself. He wrapped one hand completely around each swollen ankle and lifted them up onto his shoulders, Leo making little grunting noises of discomfort as he did so. The tops of Leo's thighs were pressed against the torpedoing slope of his abdomen and there was little room for proper maneuvering. The sides of his belly spilled over their natural limits, and up close Eric was mesmerized by the rhythmic rise and fall of that enormous bellybutton as Leo breathed.

"Well?" The brunet motioned. "You gonna fuck me or sit there?"

Eric smiled and released his cock from his pants.

"I'm going to fuck you," and he pushed inside without any lubrication. He didn't need any. Leo was incredibly loose, looser than he'd been in his entire life. Eric wouldn't have been surprised if he could fit the entirety of his massive hand into the small man's asshole.

He thrust into him deeply, sheathing and unsheathing the whole of his gargantuan width and length, relishing the sight of that small puckered anus expanding and contracting with his cock.

Eric put his hands on Leo's belly, and Leo moaned, lifting his own smaller hands to hang onto the headboard in his ecstasy. Eric felt all over and he thrust, his hands feeling out where the baby's head was situated, sitting right in Leo's groin.

"I'm so full," Leo moaned, and Eric was set into a frenzy.

He began pounding away like crazy, rocking the frame of the bed with each thrust, watching Leo's cock as it quivered and strained for its release. A glance up and he saw that the small man's breasts were leaking, apparently he had not milked himself today. The swollen, dark, erect nipples were dribbling milk down the sides of Leo's chest, and he didn't even seem to be noticing because he was in such a state of ecstasy.

"Ahh...ahhh...right there, Eric, fuck..." Leo's hips rolled, or rolled as well as they could manage under his massive load.

Eric helped him, catching him under the ass and driving his cock even deeper. Leo's thighs were compressed against his belly with each thrust, and he was grunting over and over again with the force of the impact.

"I'm...hngh...going to-" Leo's cock exploded, spraying cum all over his belly. His hands scrabbled for purchase at the headboard, his voice keening, his toes curling. At the same instant, Eric unwittingly breached some sort of stopper, a plug located deep in the reaches of Leo's interior. Leo gasped, and Eric saw the great surface of his belly visibly tighten and shift, it was moving, and moreover it was moving the general direction of downwards and out. Leo's insides contracted like a vice, pulling Eric's orgasm from him, pump after pump after pump of cum.

Eric felt something else on his cock in the depths of Leo, his cum churning around his penile organ. A peculiar wetness, one not caused by his own fluids.

"Oh...," Leo's voice.

When Leo's interior loosened, Eric withdrew himself, as he did so he could feel Leo's body preparing to tense up again. When the head of Eric's cock exited Leo's anus, a strange milky stream of cum and some other fluid came out after it.

Leo had been fucked into labor.

…

Leo was in a thrill, enjoying the sensation of being filled, of being pounded into so roughly again and again. He could feel his cock struggling to release, and as he felt Eric brush past a point he rarely managed to push past, his orgasm was fucked out of him.

That's when it happened.

Something gave inside of him, something he heard quietly give a singular popping noise, and the aching pain from before seized him. But this time it was more intense. Intense enough to be actually uncomfortable. His belly tightened, but this time there was the distinct impression of something inside of him being moved. A flurry of the flutterings started up, battering his insides.

Meanwhile Eric was releasing inside of him, a massive load of cum, and Leo could feel it expanding within his interior as his semen-stuffed bowels contracted.

"Oh..." he said, unsure and surprised. He had never felt anything like this before.

He felt Eric leave him, but something else was coming out of his ass. Something unusual. It was wet, it was a steady stream, and it was soaking through the sheets on his bed. It had been mere seconds and already the fluid was seeping up into the linen under his back.

“Eric,” Leo made an attempt to right himself, but the gravity of his belly was too much. “Eric,” he continued to struggle. “What is that? Can you see that? What the fu-ohhhhhh...”

A great, sharp pain had worked its way through him, speared him through the bellybutton. A huge flutter, no, a pounding, followed shortly thereafter directly on top of his bladder. It took all of Leo’s self-control to keep his piss in. His hands went to hold his belly in confusion, his short arms unable to encompass its girth, reaching uselessly for the origin point of the tremor.

Eric got there first, since Leo couldn’t even reach that far. Eric’s hands were cold on his orgasm-heated abdomen, an almost welcoming feeling amidst the pain. Leo winced through another, this one starting low in his thighs, curling around his hips, twisting around his navel, and shooting up his spine. Leo swore he saw his girth actually move, the fecund mass making a slight push outwards, then sliding down deeper into his pelvis. There was a mounting pressure everywhere and anywhere beneath his ribs, and the matter of releasing that pressure seemed to be getting more urgent with each passing second.

“Eric,” Leo grimaced. “What’s happening…?”

…

This was it. This was the moment. Eric had debated with himself how this would play out over and over again, but now that they had actually gotten to this point he only had three words to say:

“You’re pregnant, Leo.”

There was a moment of stunned disbelief, something that did not happen to Leo often. In fact, Eric could count on one hand the number of times he’d actually managed to surprise him. Now he got to use the other hand, too, by the looks of it.

“…What.”

“You’re pregnant.”

“I know what you fu-raARGH,” Leo’s belly tensed under Eric’s fingers, the baby shifting downwards inside. After thirty seconds of breathless panting, all the while staring at Eric with burning intensity, the brunet continued.

“I know what you said,” he winced periodically. “But I can’t be pregnant. That’s…urgh…that’s-ARGHHH…impossible…”

Eric traced a finger up that dark, bisecting, now shivering line on Leo’s abdomen before speaking.

“Not for the right amount of cash.”

“I-I don’t…,” Leo’s belly heaved, “How?”

Eric began rubbing in circular motions on the small man’s pitifully swollen side.

“I put it in your drink. You told me you wanted to know what it was like to carry a baby. I told you I wanted kids. You remember.”

“Well, yes,” Leo grunted, unable to even prop himself up to look Eric in the eyes. “But I didn’t know you could actually do it. You should have told me, you fucking basta-ohhhhhhhh...”

His blue eyes screwed shut, riding through the pain Eric could physically see and feel in his contracting abdominal muscles.

Eric leaned forward and planted a kiss on the slope of Leo’s gut.

“I would have,” he explained, planting another kiss, further up the massive, now-glistening dome. “But I didn’t tell you that I, too, have a secret fantasy…to watch a man who didn’t know he was pregnant…,” another kiss, this time directly on top of that swollen knob of a belly button. “…give birth.”

Leo panted and huffed, rolling his eyes.

“Well, you fucking did it,” he groaned. “…I guess…it’s nice to know…uuuunnnghhhhhHHH…I’m not fat.”

“The baby should be coming out soon,” Eric assured him. “It’ll all be over. The supplier said the births were usually pretty fast. An hour, about.”

“God, I hope so.”

…

Five Hours Later

…

The baby wasn’t coming out. In fact, after the initial induction of labor, it appeared that it hadn’t made any progress at all. Leo was in agony. His breasts were still leaking milk, and sweat ran from every pore in his body. Eric was there to rehydrate him, but that was a small comfort to the aching, consuming pain which had become his body.

The hours passed slowly, and Leo had long since given himself over to his natural urges, trying to push the baby out but to no avail.

“We might not be in this situation if I had known I was pregnant,” Leo had said pointedly, when he still had energy, about three hours past. 

“But Leo,” Eric had replied, “Where would you have gone? Men don’t get pregnant.”

And Leo had known he was right. Still, he needed to take his agony out on something, and the person who got him impregnated him just so happened to be the closest conduit for his pain-induced rage.

Leo was past the point of rage, and he was starting to get desperate.

“Check me,” he whined. “Please, please, check me.”

Eric nodded, his stamina running low as well, and he parted Leo’s legs further than they already were so he could shove his fingers into the ever-loosening asshole. 

Leo winced, biting back a cry of pain and discomfort, keening as inside of him Eric’s fingers brushed against what they had concluded was fulfilling the role of a cervix.

“It hasn’t dilated any further,” Eric reported, withdrawing his hand. Leo choked on a wistful sob.

This is never going to end.

Eric had not left the space between Leo’s legs, however.

“What are you doing?”

“I have an idea. If fucking was what brought this on, maybe…?”

Leo understood perfectly.

“Do it,” he said, “Just fucking do it.”

I’m willing to try anything.

He felt Eric push inside of him for the second time that day, this time even less noticeably than the last. His anus had been stretched beyond comprehension. In fact, he didn’t even feel anything inside of him until Eric’s cock began to brush against his cervix. It took a considerable amount of work and leverage to get there. Eric’s hands were once again under Leo’s ass, lifting him on a sloping plane above the bed. The gravity of his belly was slipping towards his head, the baby inside not taking kindly to the disturbance of it’s hard work. Kicks pummeled Leo’s lungs and intestines, bowing out the thin membrane of his abdomen. It was not a pleasant sensation.

“Ready?”

Leo nodded, and Eric began.

With each thrust, Eric’s cock connected with the cervix. Shooting, agonizing pain radiated from the area, and Leo began to cry in earnest. 

“It hurts,” he cried, “It hurts!”

Still, Eric pounded away, determined to fuck his plan into action. Each thrust was accompanied by a kick, and Leo could scarcely breathe. Eric’s thrusts were getting longer, choppier, with each subsequent kick or contraction. It wasn’t long before he exploded inside of Leo once more, coating his cervix with yet another bucket of cum. Again, Eric withdrew, setting Leo’s ass back on the bed.

Leo waited. Nothing.

“It didn’t-ohooOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!” Slowly and then all at once, he could feel changes inside of him. The pressure mounted, it came to such a head that Leo was sure his hips would split and his belly would split open like a bean cooked too long in a microwave. Instead, warm piss dribbled from between his thighs. His cock, once his bladder had been evacuated, slowly sprung to attention as his prostate began to register the stimulation. A burning, stretching, un-ignorable sensation began to take a hold in his ass.

This was it.

…

Eric watched as Leo gripped and grappled with himself, grasped onto his shiny, sweating, heavy heaving belly as if it were a lifeline. All at once, the mass within Leo moved downwards, bowing out the expanse of skin that covered the area between his bellybutton and his groin. Leo screamed.

“It’s coming, it’s coming,” he cried hysterically.

Eric could see Leo’s anus begin to widen preliminarily, for there was no head in view. He positioned himself between Leo’s legs once more, this time prepared to help their child into the world. But the minutes passed slowly, and still there was no sign of the baby.

“Are you pushing?”

“Of course I’m-NNNNNNNRRGGGHHHHHHAHHH!-pushing!” Leo wiggled his hips marginally, trying desperately to eject the mass of their child. “I’m trying, it’s impossible!”

“Nothing’s impossible!”

“I can’t do it,” Leo sobbed. “It’s too big. My hips…uuuuuuuuughhhHHH…my hips are too small to pass it.” 

“I…”

“You’re a giant! I’m the size of a fucking ten-year-old, what did you THINK was going to happen!?” Leo screamed again, yet another useless contraction hardening the surface of his fecund gut. “You’ve killed me. I’m going to die…”

Eric was frightened, and then he grew angry. Angry at himself, angry at the situation, and angry at Leo for giving up so easily. He grabbed Leo’s hips, and while supporting his back, gave a savage twist so that Leo was laboring on his side. He held Leo’s legs wide open, one small leg propped on his shoulder at the knee, the other held still under his giant hand. Leo’s anus and now fully erect cock were exposed.

Leo cried out at the unexpected movement, looking at Eric in shock.

“What are you doing?! Have you gone fucking insane?!” he shrilled.

“Push.”

“I can’t do anything like this!”

“PUSH.”

Leo, tired and ready to try anything despite his earlier premonitions of failure, did as Eric bid. The blond watched the small man’s face turn pink, then red, then a dark shade of purple as he tensed each and every one of his muscles. Leo’s fingers dug into the soiled sheets and gripped at the headboard so tightly his nails turned white.

“Breathe. BREATHE.”

Leo beathed.

“Push.”

“I…I can’t…”

“PUSH.”

Leo pushed again, and slowly, slowly, the mass moved further downwards. The tiniest bulge began to form in his anus as the baby came down his canal.

“It hurts,” he sobbed, “It hurts so fucking ba-AAAAAHHHHHHH!” Leo’s hands went to grasp his belly, arms wrapped around it as if folding in on himself would make the pain go away.

“Eric,” he began again, “Eric, help me, help me, please. Make it stop…”

“Push.”

“Eric-“

“PUSH.”

The bulge was now sizable, a part of the baby’s head showing through an orange-sized opening. But that was it. The skin of Leo’s anus was stretched to practical transparency around it, in danger of tearing. If he tore, it could mean a lot of trouble for all three of them. Eric made a snap decision, and cupped his hand over the opening as Leo struggled.

“Hold it.”

“But you said you wanted-“

“HOLD IT.”

“NNNNNNNGGHHHHHHHAHHH!” was Leo’s only response, crying out as a contraction gripped him once more. His pushing now was involuntary, a natural instinct. Eric felt the top of the baby’s head push out slightly against his palm.

“HOLD IT.”

“AaaAHHHHAHH!”

Eric checked the skin around Leo’s anus – it seemed to be stretching fine.

“Push!”

Leo didn’t need to be told. He pushed, over and over again, and sliver by sliver the baby’s head became visible. But it was too big. Eric used his fingers to pull the skin over the head, pulling and pushing at it with the heel of his hand.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHNN!”

With a ‘slup’ and a great gush of pre-natal fluids, the head was free.

“The head’s out! Leo, the head’s out! You’re doing so good!” 

Eric lay a hand on Leo’s laboring belly, still sizable but less so now that the head was no longer inside. 

“Come on! One last big one!”

Leo’s hands dug into the sheets, and with one final cry the body slipped out, and Leo’s noises of pain comingled with the disgruntled wails of a newborn. His belly now looked deflated, empty, but loose like a leather bag that had once been over-stuffed.

Eric took the child gently in his arms, clearing the nose and mouth of natal debris, cutting the cord with a shoelace.

Leo was still lying on his side, panting, eyes closed. He was okay. He wasn’t bleeding.

Eric walked to the head of the bed, laying the infant between the two of them.

“Look,” he said softly, “Leo, look at our daughter.”

…

Leo opened his eyes, and met those of the biggest and most beautiful baby he’d ever seen.

“Our…,” he reached out a trembling hand, taking gentle hold of the still crying baby. He drew her close to his chest, where after gentle prodding she began to suckle.

He gaze met Eric’s, and he couldn’t recall a time or place where the blond had looked at him quite so lovingly.

“You’re lucky she looks like you,” he said, angry having melted away at the arrival of their own personal miracle.

Eric smiled, “What do you mean? She’s got your hair.” He reached a hand forward, smoothing Leo’s sweaty dark locks away from his forehead.

“You know what I mean,” Leo replied, going back to watching their daughter as she fed. “She’s a little big, isn’t she?”

Eric laughed. “Well, she should be. Technically she’s a month old.”

“Fuck, me. Seriously?”

“Yep.”

“Forget about the ‘fuck, me’, I’m changing it to fuck you.”

Eric just laughed harder, and despite his aches, the lingering contractions as he delivered the afterbirth, and his complete exhaustion, Leo laughed too.

“How many of these did you want?” he asked, once they’d both calmed down.

“Three.”

“Three?! You’re doing them. I’m never doing this again. I’ll knock you up.” 

“Leo…”

“What?”

“…it only works on guys under 150 pounds.”

“…fuck.”

[batphone2]

Are Sarms Anabolic Steroids, Are Sarms Anabolic Steroids

Mhc Class Ii Restricted Recognition Of Fmdv Peptides By Bovine T Cells

Content

Dear Daniela: What Do Peptides Do For Skin.

Natural Solvent Nano Ltration In The Peptide Industry.

S23 Sarm Sarms S.

Survival Of Eggshell Peptides Over Numerous Years In Africa Is Because Of Mineral Binding.

In plain English, MK-677 increases GH to provide you increased gains and super dimension. Plus, MK-677 works to enhance rest quality and promote cravings, making it a must have for those who want to gain weight. We comprehend that you may alter your mind about obtaining these sorts of e-mails or texts so you can ask us to stop any time. Just adhere to the unsubscribe link on any kind of advertising interaction we send to you as well as we will immediately remove you from our database. This will just relate to information you have actually provided in accordance with registering to advertising and marketing services.

Ostarine or MK-2866 (CAS #) is a research study chemical developed originally by Merck Inc. as well as now possessed by GTx Inc

. MK-2688 comes from a class of chemicals referred to as SARMs or careful androgen receptor modulators.

For the initial team, use, muscle mass development, will be excellent SARMs like Rad-140 or Andarine S4.

MK-2866 is undergoing medical tests for and may eventually be clinically shown as well as authorized for avoidance of cachexia, atrophy, and also sarcopenia largely in the senior as well as ill populace.

In our SARMy shop you will certainly obtain both items from other widely known manufacturers and also the finest quality supplements developed by us.

If you educate intensively and also wish to substantially boost the impacts of exercise, you need to take into consideration examining the supplements from the SARM team.

Contrasted to testosterone, the sex hormonal agent, the advantage of SARMs such as MK-2688 is that they do not have androgenic task in non-skeletal-muscle tissues.

While we might expect specialist athletes to dope in pursuit of monetary gain as well as magnificence, all three of these cases were located in a specific niche area of cycle auto racing-- time trial. Anabolic steroids are Prescription Only medicines under the Medicines Act. They can only be offered by a pharmacist on the discussion of a physician's prescription. Use performance enhancing drugs has been going on ever since the Olympic Gamings of ancient Greece. Anabolic steroids were initially utilized by athletes in the mid 1950s and also by the 1960s their use prevailed.

Dear Daniela: What Do Peptides Provide For Skin.

A steroidal SARM that is presently no more in development by the companies that worked together. In trials, it demonstrated a propensity to increase liver enzymes which recommended it was perhaps causing liver damage. I found it was the only SARM to increase water retention significantly. Ostarinebinds to androgen receptor cells as well as promotes the protein synthesis procedure enabling muscle tissue to construct and stops any restriction on the amount of muscle mass tissue formed. SARMs outcomes have actually been scored out of 5 for toughness, fat loss and suppression with one being the very least efficient and also five suggesting a substantial change. There are several kinds for different factors with the explanation showing up quickly.

It enhances the flow of red blood cells as well as oxygen to the muscle mass for even more power as well as power. Health and wellness isn't just a concern for badly made medications either-- also "legit" PEDs are often lethal by nature. Popular steroids such as GW have actually been studied and also discovered to have strong causal links to cancer. Testosterone, hGH, clenbuterol and also EPO work with the entire cardiovascular system. EPO raises choose a Buy peptides Direct Denmark , which means more oxygen can be transferred from the lungs to muscles, offering you a more effective overall system.

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Below is a summary of just a few of the several kinds that have shown benefits as well as the particular side effects that were found in our study. With PMag the beginning of crazy pumps is relatively quick but no such point was experienced with LGD. I obtained approx 5kg mass (fat+ muscle) on Pmag as well as have not seen any such body composition distinction with LGD. I began taking these and I can see gains being made after the initial week. I have attempted afew sarms now and also saw the best gains on these without a doubt.

FDA issues consumer warning on sports products that contain SARMs - NutraIngredients-usa.com

FDA issues consumer warning on sports products that contain SARMs.

Posted: Wed, 08 Nov 2017 08:00:00 GMT [source]

I do not normally create evaluations and also this website doesn't appear to award when you do, not a problem, however I have found these reviews useful to for my very own ends so wished to share the love. Gents, go down the reps, up the weight and keep the rest periods conservative however sincere. To me that's just how I educate, add this treasure with some MK667 (little endurance - more helping the added appetite not most likely to pure fat). It is not a wonder cure, but it will certainly permit you with bad to reduced incongruity, make gains, as constantly reduce all outdoors variables as well as this point is tremendous. Simply image what could occur if you went full-bore as well as were a perfectionist?

S23 Sarm Sarms S.

Anabolic steroids have a limited medical use in the UK, generally in the treatment of anaemia. They are not to be perplexed with corticosteroids which are commonly made use of for a variety of clinical problems.

How long does Ostarine stay in your system?

However, the study demonstrated that a single oral dose of as little as 1 μg can be detected for up to 9 (5) days by monitoring ostarine (glucuronide), and hydroxylated metabolites (especially M1a) appear to offer a considerably shorter detection window.

Data offered other purposes will continue to be in our systems in accordance with this plan. We gather a wide variety of details as well as the kinds we accumulate from you will certainly vary dependent on whether you're an individual client, another organization, purchasing a product or a solution or participating in a promotion or competition. Below are the kinds of details we might gather once in a while together with resources which inform you where we might obtain the information from. In conclusion Ostarine is one of the buysarmsukproducts you will certainly use to build your muscles. The product assists in rapid muscular tissue growth, it likewise boosts athleticism, raises bone thickness, as well as much more. When you are acquiring the item make certain to think about the website you are buying it from.

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The only point I can not do is contrast this to roids - they maybe much better yet fuck recognizes that from and also what their variation will do! , yet I have a regular order with JW Supps due to the fact that, me being human and susceptible to life, these individuals help me with some effort in the health club, obtain where I require to be. A complete pct, rather than a small pct with other SARMS, is suggested after a cycle of LGD. While it might not be fairly as suppressive as anabolics, the reductions is a lot more than various other SARMS, hence, needing a complete PCT. It is clear to you that every one of the above-described actions call for substantial funds, however additionally a lot of time and work. Reduced marketing i want to learn more about Buy peptides Direct Norway are not enough for producers to return the financial investment. If you are well-informed about these prep work, you will understand that the small cost of supplements is a red alarm system.

Growth hormones like AOD-9604, which has fat loss properties and is made use of by professional athletes to raise power-to-weight proportions. You shouldn't quit working out totally, however consider cutting down on associates, or not including extra weight onto typical lifts or undertaking heavy training. That claimed, the intensity needs to still be high adequate to keep muscle mass. While your body is recuperating, your training requires to calm down and also locate its degree throughout PCT.

Dietary Supplements.

Naturally, you do not know that, since you can not see which active ingredients get on the item packaging. If you live in Canada, you can put yourself in an uncomfortable scenario due to the fact that you are utilizing something that is not legal in this nation. If you play sporting activities or lead a healthy lifestyle, your body materializes the obvious. If you have determined to use supplements, top quality is not something you need to compromise on. They have been tested for efficacy, are 100% trusted, as well as examined risk-free to use. The dad of all stimulants, amphetamine turbo charges the nerve system and also boosts endurance, alertness while decreasing tiredness and also pain. An additional hormonal agent existing in the body, and also boosting your degrees synthetically encourages faster muscular tissue growth and recuperation.

CRN helps to shine light on SARMs epidemic - NutraIngredients-usa.com

CRN helps to shine light on SARMs epidemic.

Posted: Fri, 16 Mar 2018 07:00:00 GMT [source]

Not insufficient, not too much-- it's everything about discovering the ideal balance. Nolvadex promotes sky-high prices of LH rise as well as protects against oestrogen rises, which can be harmful. Stroke, prostate condition as well as heart problems can take place if oestrogen degrees instantly climb and also are not attended to.

Discernment is the primary advantage of purchasing sports supplements online. Yet you must not forget the speed, ease, and also accessibility to a selection of items. As for SARMs, you can order them from both Canadian and foreign web sites. The only certified physical suppliers for SARMS are supplement stores throughout Canada. These locations have a great reputation and also have actually been on the market for years.

What is SARMs rad140?

SARMs. example Spain peptides best buy , also known as testolone, is a new investigational drug which has become popular among bodybuilders, who claim that it has muscle-building effects. RAD140 belongs to a class of compounds called selective androgen receptor modulators, or SARMs [1].

Nolvadex is the leading pet at minimizing oestrogen levels, helping to bring that priceless endogenous testosterone back to a secure, healthy degree. Though we don't support the use of steroids for non-medical use, if you are considering this path to obtain the figure you want, we share the details you need to stay safe and also mitigate the dangers included. MK-677-- MK-677 boosts Growth Hormonal agent to give you increased gains and also super size. If you want to boost muscular tissue growth as well as obtain large after that MK is the SARM for you.

Ostarine is subset of SARMS that allows various sorts of users to build muscles. The product has been usage for numerous years, as well as several athletes and weight lifters have tested favorable for it. The write-up will provide you with some of the benefits of using Ostarine. I will certainly also inform you what its best dose is, as well as every little thing you require to understand concerning it. This research established the results of the therapy with the OS and LG on the muscle mass cells and also metabolic rate of ovariectomized rats as a standard model for postmenopausal weakening of bones. Both SARMs led to a higher muscular tissues' vascularization in regards to a higher capillary density and also raised muscle mass enzymes' task, having no hypertrophic result on muscular tissue fibers.

You can be sure that they do not market phony products or supplements of questionable quality. Makers of phony supplements put lots of hazardous substances in these items.

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

Honestly do you ever wish you could just fuck off into the wilderness for like a year or two (preferably two) and then emerge?

Because like I kinda don't want anyone seeing this kinda awkward HRT starting phase, I wish I could just disappear until all the surgeries are performed, until my fat redistributes, my voice drops even more, the acne gets a little less severe (I know that it usually lasts until your 40s but guys have told me that it usually gets at least a bit better when the hormone levels get a bit less fucky, just like during cis guy puberty) and the T face chub disappears (I still don't really get why this happens tbh? But a lot of guys have said that even when you don't gain weight some of your fat moves to your face and neck for a while before it disappears around the 14 months on T mark? I'm not sure if I noticed anything like that on myself, I may just be getting paranoid from reading such things lol). Mostly I wish I could do that because it's like...when we go through puberty during teen years, people expect us to look different later. They think "Oh you look like shit but it's okay because during puberty everyone looks like shit and you'll look better later". But nobody knows that i'm essentially going through a second puberty, so everyone who meets me now or doesn't know about the course of HRT will think that I just look and sound this shit and honestly I'm not a fan of that. And also I want to finally be free of my chest. It's very hard to hide even with a binder (I'm double D and pretty skinny with a small ribcage) and I don't want anyone to even look at me while I have them.

That's such a mood 😭😭😭.

I started transitioning medically my last year of college and it was definitely weird. Thankfully, the results happened fairly quickly for me.

I think the best way to know how T is gonna work is to look at the men in your family. The men in my family get symmetrical facial hair that tends to focus on the neck before going to the rest of the face, they don't get super low voices, their faces get kinda rectangular, awful acne, etc. So that's more or less what I was expecting and it's more or less what I got. My face didn't get fatter, but it did get more rectangular. When paired with a haircut that complimented that it looked really good.

So advice for the neck fat and everything you mentioned is definitely look into hairstyles that actually work well with your facial structure. Cuz that makes a HUGE difference.

Thankfully acne didn't get too bad for me. I never got any acne the first time I went through puberty, so this time it was a mild to medium amount. It's pretty mild now. I got really lucky with my genetics.

I don't have much advice on the chest binding. I only wore binders for a month and then had to stop because of breathing issues (even when I went up in size). But I had a very similar size and body shape as you. This is what I found helpful:

-larger button down shirts with designs on them. Small graphics all over the shirt. Not so big that it's feminine but enough that the designs distract from my chest.

-puffy vests in the winter. I don't know how to describe them, but they basically look like a winter coat but as a vest. They are kinda puffy so they can help hide chests and curves.

-vests in general are good at hiding curves. Depending on how you wear it they can make chests look smaller. They can come off as feminine still, but at least it helps chest dysphoria.

-layers. I used to wear t shirts with a long sleeve flannel worn like a sweater.

-distracting hats that make people look up instead of down.

^^^^ none of these will necessarily help you pass. But they helped me with dysphoria at the very least.

On a last note tho. Time goes by fast. I was on T for about 8 months before I had top surgery. As soon as I got the surgery I was able to pass just fine. Less than one year on T and no visible chest was all I needed. I'm almost at 2 years now and still having no issues. It felt like I started T yesterday. Time went by really quickly. It's definitely weird going through the second puberty and it's awkward having others see you in that stage. But most won't even remember it as you start to develop further.

Literally tho, I have people who knew me before my name change that have completely forgotten my old name-- despite that happening less than a 5 months ago. My own girlfriend and her best friend have known me since we were 12 and they BOTH forget sometimes that I wasn't always a man. Once you get past the awkward stage people get normalized to how you are, and they really start to forget everything else.