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andstilliam · 51 minutes ago

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to add to my last post: my boss threw a July 4th BBQ at his house and we had beef kebabs. they weren't terrible at all, but you know something is wrong when you have to chew a piece of meat for 2 minutes or longer for the body to digest....... that's just not suitable for a human. it just doesn't feel good. how I felt when I had a chicken burger vs a beef burger was like wow my body likes chicken but hates beef. true story. I just don't think that it's safe for me to consume a product that my body obviously doesn't like. why should I make life harder for myself? I have to protect myself and my body.

#no beef

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andstilliam · 1 hour ago

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woke up feeling a bit tired like I kept going back to sleep but I felt so cozy and ready at the same time :)

I'm having my last serving of coffee today!!!!!!!! mom says she and my sister won't send me a package because she doesn't think it'll arrive in time and that I'll be home so soon anyway. the coffee this morning is absolutely perfect and as bitter as I like it :)<3 I really hate sweet coffees, I'll never be the French vanilla from Tim Hortons girl. I do like mocha lattes but only paired with strong coffee taste. I don't want to feel like I'm drinking a hot chocolate for a coffee, you know? yeah, I'm sad this is my last serving!!! now I have to buy coffee. actually, there's a guy in the house with an espresso pot just like me and he'll totally make me a coffee if I ask him. I don't remember what he's studying at the graduate level but the other day we were both in the kitchen and I saw a book he's reading and I was like "oh that's organizational psychology or whatever" and he's like "how do you know?" and I'm like "because that's what the title suggests"

the only thing I dislike about the midnight black laptop is that it is prone to fingerprint stains but it is a beautiful colour nonetheless and I love the Touch ID feature for passwords- so convenient!

you know I have been spending time in America and with American content when I frequently and easily alternate between Canadian and American spelling. I basically choose how I want to spell a word. and it's like well, you are in Canada at the moment, so maybe spell behaviour the right way instead of behavior but it all depends on how I feel. so that's pretty neat because it usually takes conditioning to get used to it. I've always wanted to differentiate Canadian vs American post sec education. the grading scheme differs, I know that, but I mean more so the content.

the only thing I don't like about Americans is how they describe African Americans. they typically describe African Americans as being a Black person in America, but that's not actually what it means.... Like I'm not African Canadian because my roots are not from Canada. My parents immigrated here. My roots are from Europe and the Caribbean. I met a Black guy travelling to New York when I was 19 and I asked him where he was from. It was a southern state, let's say South Carolina because I don't recall exactly. And I was like "No, like what island?" LMAO and he was like "I'm from South Carolina." And I'm like "But what do you mean? Like where are your parents from?" And he's like "My family settled in South Carolina, so that's where we're from." And it was like....my mind was blown. I'd never met a Black person literally from America. That's why his last name is very white because his ancestors were enslaved in America..... Either brought to America during the transatlantic slave trade or born into slavery in America in the 18th century or so. The term African American is misused. It's used to describe just another Black person in America and that's not the real meaning. I am not African Canadian, but there's a high population of African Canadians who settled in Canada and were enslaved here in Nova Scotia. Very high population in NS. That's probably why the African Black Canadian Association is so strong here at Dal. They expanded it to include Caribbeans now and just generally Black people who come to this school, but they are very generous financially to African Canadians, so it's similar to being Indigenous in a way. It's obviously not, but I mean from the lens of literally being from here since forever ago. I feel like that must be so hard to live through and how rich the culture must be. I want to learn more about it because I realized how much I like this side of history. Growing up, Harriet Tubman and Rosa Parks was like almost fantastical in a way. For some reason, I just didn't like having to hear that in school. It's like once is enough, but you know it's a problem when you hear the same story every year for Black history month.... That's poor education. Same thing with how I only learned about Indigenous peoples when I was 17, like what??? Other than that weird children show Tipi Tales I used to watch and it was the creepiest show ever and everyone of my generation would agree. It was not educational at all. It was scary point blank.... It's the same stories Black heroic stories reiterated and it doesn't really depict any great storytelling about how this icon is a person, how they grew up, what they endured beyond a 5 minute series of being strong and then being killed. That's why if you read Black literature that centres around historical fiction, it's just like wow. Those stories are my favourite. And any old Black literature from college. I read some great literature in my Caribbean studies class at TMU many years ago. I often think those college semesters were a waste of my time because I never finished a program, but not necessarily. I learned so much in everything that I've done. Education is never wasteful. Yeah, so use African Canadian or American correctly! Because even Black people misuse these terms.

Speaking of educational trajectories, one of the CS profs actually did a bachelors in psychology and now she creates games for mental health etc. then there's the girl who does the functional connectivity in Alzheimers which uses neuropsychology concepts of cognition. so there are many possibilities. I want to do everything so I can expand my skillset. if I study abroad for a semester, there's a prof who does AI and law in Liverpool. but hopefully I can do something RE epilepsy and memory since that's impacted my life so much and what's fascinating to me is that even before the MRI, it was detected as early as 13 that I was declining cognitively based on my neuropsychological evaluations via IQ test. so I want to do something with that if that's possible because that's crazy. I think I should get tested again after having been through a round of treatment to see where I fall now. but I feel like too much time has passed now. I really worry that the memory is just going to continue to decline over time the longer I am without treatment. so I might not score very high but anything above borderline clinical range would be an improvement. as long as I'm able to do computational stats in my degree and as I stated, psych is leaning more towards quantitative skills if you choose that pathway.

I finished the tub of sour creme. I don't think I'll buy it again tbh because firstly, you have to finish it quickly. secondly, it feels like another food under the "just barely tolerated" list. I got the vegan kind to play it safe with my stomach, but I prefer the smell of the dairy kind. life is too short to eat foods that you just barely tolerate. it's sickening overall and it's hard for no reason. so I don't think I will get this again. but I'm glad it's done and over with lol.

I finally went to the bathroom today as I needed to go. I put more mg drops in my coffee this morning and I'm going to take it easy today and have ensure for dinner to settle this because I don't want to keep adding to the impaction. it's just too much atm.

I was thinking how because I grew up drinking soy and almond milk, the concept of drinking cows milk is so foreign to me. I don't know how people drink it. my body has an aversion to cows milk which I honestly think is like so funny now that it's been discovered that I have this rare condition causing growth retardation. it's like no wonder my body repelled this. I've always liked beef but now I'm like no wonder my body also struggles to process all cow products. I just see cow emojis in my body now and it's like this is humanly wrong. I think chicken is much more primal.

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andstilliam · 3 hours ago

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