#g-d damn it you've got to be kind

[is-the-fire-real]

Another bit on the pro-Pal fandom, this one axiomatic

Being a good person is not the same thing as pretending as though you believe you are a good person.

Being a good person takes work. You have to do stuff. Doing stuff is hard. Doing good stuff is harder, because you have to put thought into determining what you think is good beforehand. That requires self-reflection, honesty, a willingness to challenge oneself, and taking in information from other people to verify that your concept of "good" is, well, good.

The nice part is that once you evaluate what is good and start doing good things, it becomes easier. You gain inner calm, peace, and even joy.

("Good" is not always the same as "necessary". Necessary work can be a slog, or it can be horrific. But there can still be a calming satisfaction at the core, the security that this is necessary and therefore worthwhile.)

Pretending to believe you are a good person takes less immediate work. You don't have to do anything that positively impacts the real world, and you don't have to do any of that annoying, time-consuming self examination. But in the long run, it's more exhausting. By far.

You are insecure about whether or not you are a good person. You're pretending to believe you are good. You can't feel secure in something you pretend to believe. That insecurity gnaws at you, especially when you engage in bad behavior--harassment, doxxing, posting gore, swarming tags, encouraging and promoting suicide among your fellow "activists", telling your opponents to kill themselves, stalking, spamming unrelated content with literal Nazi propaganda.

None of those are good things good people do. And you understand that. You would think someone was bad if they did those things to you. The cognitive dissonance between who you want to be and who you really are, as determined by your actions, is scary. It's painful. It rears up every time someone you have labeled a Zio colonizer scumbag asks you to please just stop and you remember a time when you begged someone--an abuser, a troll online, a 4channer, your parents--to just stop please just leave me alone.

That must feel terrifying, and again, it makes you insecure. It makes you question if you're doing the right thing.

So you do the work to pretend to believe you are good. And that's far more work than goes into being good.

You recruit others, and all of you agree that you will pretend together. Tabletop gaming has taught us how powerful this imaginative play can be. You all reassure each other that you are good and you are right. But since you're all lying to each other, that means you must spend more, and more, and more time every day telling each other that you are good, chasing that high, that feeling that you are a good person and your actions are justified.

You tell each other that your "opponents" in this "battle" are not people, so anything you say or do to and about them is okay. You look at lists of "dehumanizing tactics" and instead of internalizing what those lists are teaching you, you go: "Ah, so if I don't use the word 'vermin', anything I say should be fine!" And then you say it.

You do not smile over good news. You only smile when one of your opponents logs off Tumblr because you made the site unusable and unsafe for them. (The expression you make there isn't really a smile, but we'll call it that, since the corners of your mouth do turn upward.) You tell yourself you're just attacking Zionists and pretend you do not see how you're really going after Jews.

No self-examination; that would mean admitting that you're lying to yourself and others. Instead, you traumatize and exhaust yourself until you're psychologically incapable of self-examination. You watch snuff films. You stare at mangled bodies until you're weeping and physically ill (certainly, you're too ill to check whether the video is real, or if it was taken from this conflict).

You force your beliefs into your fandom spaces so that others, the bad people, cannot escape their complicity in genocide.

But more importantly, you do that so you can't escape.

You cannot engage in any fandom but the pro-Pal fandom because that takes imaginative energy away from your biggest pretense--that you're a good person.

You are NOT hurting people because you are striking a blow for Palestinians. You are hurting people, including yourself, because you do not want to do the work of becoming a good person. You are afraid that self examination, at this point, will reveal to you that you are exactly the sort of person you believe you are fighting.

That fear, that insecurity, that dread, that restless sense that if you ever rest or stop or think for just a moment, you'll discover something awful? That's your conscience.

I do not ask you to change your mind about your political opponents. Your defenses are already on your lips and in your mind; a thousand How Dare Yous for me hinting that you look at other people as people. What I will ask you is to consider this.

I came to young adulthood just as Bush was elected, and the Iraq War post-9/11 was the first war I really followed as an adult. I did what you're doing now. I forced myself to look at photographs of destroyed bodies. I looked at photographs of torture perpetrated by US soldiers. I blogged about it obsessively.

I told myself that I was Doing My Part to end the war. But really, it's that the anxiety of being an American during the war made me insecure over whether or not I was responsible for all of this, and therefore, a bad person. If I pretended my looking at snuff photos was activism, and that it was good, then I could pretend to believe I was good and shout "Not in my name" at protests. I could deny my responsibility.

What I really did was traumatize myself. It's been almost twenty years. I can still see some of those torture pictures in my head. In the end, that is the extent of the impact of my online activism. The blogs are all long deleted, and nobody remembers them.

Only my trauma remains.

I do not want this for you. I want you to be wiser. There is still time. You can stop.

Stop hurting yourself and other people. Do the hard work. Examine yourself and your actions. Consider what your own heart is trying to tell you whenever you start to get the shakes and your throat gets tight. Do not take that feeling out on random people online because they have a Magen David in their pfp.

Once you have done the hard work, it gets easier. You will be able to advocate and work for whatever causes you believe in because you know they are good, not because you're joining your friends in cosplaying goodness. You will still be traumatized, and you will still be sad, and you'll definitely still get angry. You will have to face how you've acted exactly like your own past abusers, and that's a real tough row to hoe.

But at the end, you will be able to advocate and work because you want to, instead of feeling as though you must in order to keep up the masquerade.

[nonnieapple]

⛈ ☂️ Peach Pit, 7- Lift Back And See The Darkness Hid☂️ ⛈

• (Akura-ou x g/n reader x Tomoe)  • r a t i n g: m a t u r e • 3 5 8 3 w o r d s  •  p o s t e d 04.02.2024    🌧  navigation 🍑 previous chapter 🍑 next chapter 🍑 latest chapter • s u m m a r y: you're a peaceful farmer in the mountains during the sengoku period. someone starts stealing your peaches, and the thief turns out to be a chaotic oni, and the events that ensue flip your life upside down. • c h a p t e r s u m m a r y: hangovers are wild, man. TW: brief d3ath

  The next morning you awoke in confusion. And with a raging, hellish headache. You groaned as you got up. You looked around groggily. 

  It was a small room with a mat on the floor. The light was dim, either evening or dawn. You thought about what you did before you passed out. 

  You got your dagger back from two yokai. Tomoe and Akura-ou. Akura was in the large room, passed out in a chair. Tomoe led you to a balcony where you must've dozed off. Well, led, you followed him. 

  You were in the castle, evident by the architecture and the same incense smell, but no longer on the balcony. Had you walked there in a drunken haze? 

  You left the room silently, searching for a soul of any kind. Preferably one you were familiar with. 

  You heard whispers down the hall. A small furry creature with an odd face stepped out. It stared at you. You resisted your urge to run as hard as you could. You clutched your dagger. 

  "This dagger has cut down many yokai, and I'm not afraid to use it to cut down another." You scowled, straightening your posture. The uncertainty in your voice showed through the cracks in your facade. 

  The furry creature scuttered away. 

  You sighed in relief, slumping over. 

  You stood at the stairs with a dilemma. You headed upstairs. Your head radiated with a throbbing, crushing pain. Hangovers. Hangovers, dammit. 

  You looked around the corner. There were belongings of the treasure variety scattered around as well as some weapons and maps. What a mess. You weren't gonna clean that. 

  You peeked into a room. What the hell? It was empty. Just filled with rubble. You didn't expect any less of yokai... especially yokai such as them. 

  A breath on your neck startled you. You were picked up roughly and raised to a freakish height almost as tall as the ceiling. You exclaimed. A giant oni had crept up on you. You questioned your hearing and could not believe your eyes. You reached for your dagger. You struggled as the oni squished your back, flattening your aching body over his shoulder. You huffed. Too early for this shit...

  You stabbed at his ribs, and he let you go with a horrific groan. You fell on your ass. You've had worse falls. 

  But that one was pretty damn bad. Your bloodied dagger dug into the wooden ground, hair obscuring your vision. An unpleasant smell of iron filled the air. 

  The head of the oni came off in one swipe, rolling to the side on the floor. He fell into a heap. 

  "Talk about clutter," Remarked Akura-ou as he stared at the body, kicking it with his boot. 

  "Akura-ou..." You whispered from the floor. His gaze shot to you, his smile falling.  

  "What are you doing here?" 

  You shrugged, leaning on your knees. A little blood got on your clothes.

  "Takin' a stroll," You replied nonchalantly. He stepped over the body, pulling you off the floor roughly. You wedged your knife out of the floor. Awkward. 

  "I didn't know you were still here." 

  "I am. And my head's killing me..." You mumbled in pain, rubbing your temple. Akura wore a weird knitted long sleeve that mimicked mesh... or clothes eaten by moths. He had a thin leather belt around his waist, stacked necklaces, and a... belt around his neck. How strange. 

  "You should get out," He muttered, pulling you by the arm. 

  "A-a- hey!" You grabbed his wrist. He glanced at you in confusion, frowning. 

  "Do I have to leave?"

  He rose a brow and chortled fruitily. 

  "You're crazy. Don't you want to?" 

  You tilted your head, averting your gaze. 

  "I don't have anything better to do. And my farm will be fine if I leave it for a bit..." You trailed off. You must've still been delirious since none of your words made sense to you.

  "You're right! I should leave, I don't know what I was thinking." You laughed nervously. Loneliness must've driven you to madness. 

  Akura waved his hand. 

  "Whatever. Just ask Tomoe." 

  He turned away, going into a room and closing the door. You called after him hopelessly. He gave you a mocking "good luck" and you heard his footsteps disappear. You put your hands on your hips, kicking the oni on the floor. You huffed.

  "It's just you and me, corpsie."

  You stretched your arms as you explored a new part of the castle. You had wandered quite far, to a whole other quarter. It was a tad darker and neater. 

  A shape raced towards you. You strayed to the other side cautiously, watching the shape come into focus. It was a humanoid yokai with a strange face and a bouquet of... heads. How sweet. 

  He screeched to a halt near you, reaching for your head. 

  "Oh! You'd be a lovely addition to my garden!" He chirped, painted lips twisting into an unnatural, giddy smile. 

  Too damn early. 

  You thought quickly.

  You squinted, scoffing, making the snottiest expression you could, posing like a pissed-off diva. 

  "It's me, Tomoe," You said lowly. The yokai halted. "I can't believe you'd mistake me with a human." You rumbled. 

  "O-of course, master! I'm so-sorry, your disguise was perfect! You looked just like a pathetic human!" He sputtered. 

  You scoffed, actual anger boiling over. 

  "You think I'm pathetic?! You better start runnin'!" You barked, raising your hand, an illusion of fire created by an ofuda of yours flickering. 

  The yokai ran. 

  You smiled triumphantly. 

  "Do you think that's how I talk?" 

  You flinched. 

  "Fu- can you all STOP doing that!" You whisper-yelled, clutching your chest. Tomoe smiled faintly. 

  You searched his eyes for judgment.  He looked kinder than usual. What stupid thing had you said when you were drunk? This castle would wreck your nerves for life at such a rate. As if they weren't wrecked enough.

  "Did you sleep well?" He said with a strange tone bordering on sarcasm. You raised a brow. Was he asking for real? Was he being an asshole? 

  "Eh... as well as a hungover sleep can get," You said, clasping your hands around the back of your neck. 

  "Horribly?" 

  "Precisely." You hung your head, your tone utterly defeated.

  "And I had wandered to a random room in the castle..." You muttered unsurely. Tomoe's smile turned smug. You frowned in confusion. You didn't make eye contact. It felt like if you did, you'd melt. 

  "I wouldn't say you wandered," He lilted, holding back laughter. You fluttered your eyelashes, face heating up. 

  "W... What did I do?" 

  "Nothing." His smile was wide. 

  You blanched. 

  "Oh-" You touched your forehead. "Akura-ou told me to talk to you." 

  "You did just that." 

  You sighed. 

  "No. I don't want to leave the castle yet." You tensed your muscles, crossing your arms. The idea began to make sense in your head. You had gone mad. You accepted it. 

  He hummed, bringing a hand under his face, elbow propped up by his other arm. His sleeves, decorated with flames, shifted. 

  "Fine. Suit yourself, human." He swept his claws through the air, turning away from you and disappearing in a fog. 

  Your shoulders slumped. 

  "Why does everyone keep leaving me?"  

  You wandered from room to room, avoiding the ones behind which you heard strange noises. Not only did they aggravate your headache, but they were also highly disturbing based on previous events in this castle. 

  You walked into a room. 

  It was messy, filled with a lot of smaller objects. There was an unfinished go game. It seemed one of the players had a fit of rage during the game. There was a shogi ban with scattered koma. 

  There was also a ban-sugoroku, which people had gambled over judging by the remnants of sake bottles and glasses as well as loose coins. 

  You left the room. 

  You stumbled upon another room filled with residual smoke, clouding up the room made of warm-toned wood. You coughed. You squinted. The smoke felt more like fog. You could make out some larger furniture pieces. The smoke cleared up as you walked through the room. You studied the room. It was by far the most organized one you'd seen so far. High-quality kosode lay piled nicely. One was a kosode you recognized- it had a chrysanthemum pattern. 

   "How's my room?" Asked a soft voice from the direction of the sliding door. You turned your head, hiding your hands. 

  "Tomoe! This is... your room?" You looked around once more, pretending you hadn't figured that out already. 

  He breathed out smoke from a long pipe. 

  Awful manners. 

  "Of course. It's the only nice place in this castle, I'm sure you've noticed." Smoke spilled from his lips, engulfing him. He began walking to you slowly. You stepped back, hand finding your dagger. 

  He stopped in front of you. He eyed you up. 

  "Are you just gonna stand there?" You asked. His eyes were sheepish. 

  "Why? Do you want me to do something?" 

  You huffed, leaving the room. 

  "Oh, never you mind." 

  The main yard wasn't too eventful. There was a nice bonsai tree in the middle. You watched its branches softly move in the breeze that moved through your hair, soothing your headache after the hangover and the stuffy castle. 

  A small shadow scuttered across, and you recognized it as the furry one. You furrowed your brows. 

  You went into a room. Maybe it would be fine and you could stay in it for a while? 

  It was the largest room you had seen so far. It was truly impressive, and the ceilings were higher. There was a nice, giant bed hidden by curtains. The furniture was rich red. The sun had begun to set. You had spent the whole day wandering around. You had managed to snack on some of your roasted soybeans and washed it down with a small bit of leftover sake you found. 

  The room also contained screens and a table, as well as a lot of mats and scattered clothes in piles that probably made sense to the creature in the room. You didn't see anyone though, which gave you some hope. They wouldn't mind if you just took a nap somewhere there, right? No one minded when cats did it. 

  You approached the bed cautiously. It was dark behind the curtains, and the orange light from outside wasn't much help. You leaned in. 

  You froze when you were met with blood-colored hair and ox horns. You were about to- silently- bolt away when Akura-ou grabbed your wrist and pulled you into himself, hugging you tightly. You writhed. 

  He hummed in his sleep. He was suffocatingly warm, bordering on hot.

  You felt his silky hair on your neck, engulfing you like the tendrils of a fire, arms long and smooth around you, pressing you into his flat stomach and chest. He was too strong for you to push his arms away. You stayed still in silent fear. His claws brushed your sides. You didn't want to get scratched by him again. Shit, being so close to him, you remembered the day you met him. The holes he left in your hip were still there as off-colored scars. 

  He was the raging fire through a house, a fire that could wipe out a village, and could level a forest, could level buildings you couldn't even imagine. 

  His silky hair and his warmth and his strong hold were such sick reminders of it all. 

  You slid out from his arms as best as you could, your clothes getting disheveled in the process. 

  He cracked open an eye. It shone golden through the low light. 

  "Who said you could leave?" He rumbled raspily. You felt your face get hot. He pulled you back down, and you couldn't do a thing as one of his arms wrapped around your chest and the other around your hips. He buried his face in your neck. You breathed in sharply. 

  What did you feel? 

  You felt like you were being torn apart. Pure fucking terror. 

  "You could be a fun game, human." 

  You didn't like how he said that. And you didn't like how your stomach did a flip at his voice. 

  What a demented sleepover.

  You felt his teeth graze your neck. Your eyes widened, adrenalin rushing through you. You shut your eyes tightly, terrified of his teeth piercing your skin. Instead, you felt his tongue against your skin. You exclaimed, writhing and turning to face him as you uselessly wrangled his arms. He smiled innocently. A fire raging through a house? No, a fire raging around you, through you. You met his gaze. It was horrible, and his teeth were like knives, your chest rose and fell and you struggled against him as he was still. 

  "Wasn't that hilarious?" Akura-ou flashed a smile. You felt your heart beat feverishly. 

  "That was horrifying!" You whisper-yelled. Your hangover was receding and you knew then more than ever before that staying was a bad idea. It had hinged on you having control over your stay. Fuck that idea, that's what Akura thought, you assumed. You could see it on his smug face. 

  Still much more interesting than the farm. Overall, not the worst decision you have made or would make. It could be a lot worse. 

  "Humans are weird," He muttered as he rested his head against the pillow, gently stabbing the pillow with his horn, ear folded up awkwardly. 

  "Why are you holding me?" You frowned, tone unhappy. 

  He moved his ear up. 

  "'Cause I want to." Akura-ou held you more firmly. "I don't hear you complaining." 

  You didn't reply. 

  He was right. Unfortunately for you. 

  "It wouldn't do much of anything." You deflected. You didn't look away from his eyes. There was no escape as he held you. 

  Peaches. 

  The bastard smelled of peaches. And uh, blood, which sent you spiraling. Where the fuck would he get blood? God knew he had plenty on his hands, did he not? He looked like it, and the dark splotches on his boots were always there like fluttering red flags. 

  You missed those peaches. 

   You stayed tense in his arms. Your pride wouldn't allow you to relax. 

  Time seemed to pass by painfully slow. It couldn't have been that long, there was still that orange glow that was fading into red, but each second of his touch felt like a million years of carnal sin.

  He had closed his eyes, either asleep or blissing out, unlike you, wide awake and tense as a string. 

  You sighed, finally relaxing. Your muscles loosened and your head drifted into his chest. You forgot that he wasn't wearing a shirt, at that point, you were just glad to relax the muscles in your sore neck. 

  It felt really good. It felt wrong. You put aside those thoughts as much as you could, letting your mind buzz with empty noise. Your eyes fluttered closed. Who knew you'd feel so comforted in the arms of the very thing you despised? You must've been loopy. Yokai- they were all sinful and evil creatures no matter how soft their skin or how silky their hair. Especially that one! He killed like it was a joke. And you stabbed like it was a greeting.... oh, well, maybe it was the fate you deserved. 

  Your slice of heaven was interrupted when you heard the double doors open, followed by hasty footsteps. 

  "Brother. I'm here to ask you about the human. You told the human to speak to me. What do you intend to do-" He stopped talking as he saw you together. Akura slowly opened an eye, glazing over Tomoe. You pursed your lips. 

  "Well, well, well. Seems like I missed a lot," Purred Tomoe from above you. 

  You pushed on Akura-ou's chest. 

  "It's not what it looks like!" You protested with pleading eyes. 

  "He dragged me down and forced me to stay!" 

  Akura pressed you against his chest sleepily and you gave Tomoe a worried look.

  "Why are you being so loud..." The oni grumbled. 

  "Once again, you never fail to disappoint with your buffoonery. Let the human go." 

  Akura-ou untangled himself from you, and you nearly fell off the bed in your hurry to get away. He seemed unimpressed and annoyed. 

  You caught yourself and slicked back your hair, smoothing out your clothes. You left the room, fixing yourself up. 

  You flicked your eyes to the side. Somehow Tomoe was already there. 

  "Do you have a kitchen?" You asked, out of breath. His tail swung like a pendulum. 

  "Yes. Somewhere in here." He glanced to the side. "I'd have to wander to find it. And I happen to be very tired..." He feigned a yawn. 

  "I'll find it on my own then, pokin' through every room I find, happening upon the weird creatures in this place..." You began. His ears lowered and his tail flicked upwards aggressively. 

  "Somehow I don't feel tired anymore," Tomoe said tensely.

  The kitchen could hardly be called so. 

  It was disheveled, smelled like mold, and the dishes present were enough to make you feel sick. You swallowed uncomfortably. You ignored the dark stains all over the room as best as you could 

  "Can you cook?" You turned to Tomoe with horror barely concealed in your eyes. Yokai didn't eat, so it'd be odd if he did. 

  Tomoe almost looked embarrassed, covering his face with his hand. He pointed somewhere and you followed his directions. 

   .... 

  You were met by amorphous sludge in the corner of the room. You screamed. 

  "EUGH! That's awful!" You bent over, coughing from the mess.

  "For the love of god, clean this up!" You begged, shutting your eyes which began to water. 

  He swung his tail low, ears pinned back.

  "... I don't want to," He whispered, your horror rubbing off on him. 

  You cleaned the kitchen. After, it seemed like a whole other room, and if you hadn't seen it transform, you'd believe if someone told you it was another room. 

  Tomoe had graciously helped, after you encouraged him with some gentle threats, such as "I know where you sleep" and "I have a dagger" among others. 

  You washed remaining... substances off your hands. 

  You were determined to teach that fox how to cook for shit. Maybe it'd make him more human, and less of a mess. Give him more to do besides taking over castles and being annoying. Plus, think about it, you could force him to cook for you. 

  His pal was a lost cause though. 

  Poor bastard. 

  For the rice part, you had found some in the castle. It was a rather unfortunate treasure hunt and the things you saw during it... you wished you didn't have eyes for that whole sequence of events. You thought nothing could shock you. You were wrong. 

  As for the fish, you didn't have any on hand. Just when you leave your whole live fish at home you suddenly need it! Ugh! Tale as old as time. 

  You stood knee-deep in a rushing river. You stared into the water so hard nothing else seemed to exist. You stayed perfectly still until you saw a shadow. Then, you reached in and caught the fish by what you hoped were its gills. 

  You pulled it out of the water with a splash, stepping out of the river disgruntled. 

  "That would've been impressive if it didn't take you five tries." Tomoe watched you closely. You scoffed, throwing the fish at him. You ignored his comment. 

  "I'm going to go scrape shiitake mushrooms off some castle walls." 

  You instructed Tomoe as he cut the fish up after cleaning it. He got the hang of it quickly, clearly- concerningly- experienced with blades. 

  You cut the shiitake mushrooms into even slices. You arranged them in a burgundy bowl on top of fluffy rice, the other side taken up by fish. 

  Tomoe watched you arrange the composition with purple puppy eyes, tail still, and ears alert. Your knife went through smoothly, in calculated and rehearsed motions. 

  Once he tried himself, he focused, frowning as it didn't turn out right the first time. He had tried to line it up perfectly, but the slices were uneven, thicker at the bottom and thinner at the top. 

  "It's alright, you'll have plenty of time to learn," You soothed calmly. You instinctively began to lift your arm and hand. 

  "I have an eternity." 

  His tone was ambiguous. Your arm fell to your side. 

  You watched him out of the corner of your eye as you picked up the bowl and a pair of chopsticks.

  Your vision blurred due to a thick fog that formed around you, clearing up once you were in another room, a small bedroom you hadn't seen before. You turned your head to Tomoe. 

  "You're letting me stay? I thought you hated humans." 

  He crossed his arms. 

   "You're no regular human." 

  Your worry was clear on your face. 

  "A mere human wouldn't use an ofuda."

  "How did you know..." You frowned. You had used an ofuda before he appeared earlier, but that had been invisible. That meant he was talking about...

  "Akura-ou tells me everything. You're a human god." A fan materialized in his hand from a sputtering of blue fire. He fanned himself, white hair fluttering. 

  "Stay out of trouble." 

  He was gone in a flash of fire. 

  You set your bowl down on a table, sitting down. 

  You had gotten yourself into quite a situation, hadn't you? 

[myaoiboy]

Rating All The Metal Gears By Hotness

No, not the characters. Yes, literally the Metal Gears. If I forgot any, let me know.

Metal Gear TX-55 - 4/10

This is just a lil guy. A friend, even. Reminiscent of a gonk droid from Star Wars. Sucks that he was made to do murdering. I can see where someone would find appeal, but not really for me.

Metal Gear D - 6/10

This one I can see. He got some depth to him. Kinda shiny. More smooth, less boxy. Kind of insectoid. In most franchises this would be like an 8, but it gets knocked down because of what comes later being so much sexier.

Also can I say that MG2's spriting? Mwah. Chef's kiss. So pretty. Didn't even read the intro the first time I started it up bc I was marveling at the pretty spritework. I fucking love good spritework, just find it so much more satisfying than equivalent-quality 3D art.

Metal Gear G - 2/10

Never actually completed or seen in game. Was supposed to be a smaller, mass produced version of D. Kinda sexy, loses points for being so fictional that it's only theoretical even in the games.

Metal Gear REX - 7/10

OOOO YEAH, NOW WE'RE TALKIN'!! SHINKAWA ERA BAYBEY!!! Man's got impeccable taste. He could make a literal slab of titanium look inviting.

Rex is not the sexiest Metal Gear to me, partly bc Otacon treats it like a son or a pet dog and I find a 25-yo's son-analogue to be offputting. BUT. I must concede. REX is the blueprint for all the sexy traits to come. He's got the hips. He's got the saunter. He's just a lil too brutalist for me.

Metal Gear RAY - 11/10

I know I have psychological problems because this thing's childbearing hips and murderous mandibles distract me during the boss fight.

Why is it so sexy?? What the fuck?? It's like mecha furrybait but specifically for people who are into garrus mass effect. Please tell me I'm not the only one, I'm pretty sure my boyfriend thinks I'm insane.

Arsenal Gear - 4/10

Basically just an aircraft carrier. I would say not fuckable but it DOES, canonically, have a digestive tract and asshole so like. Technically fuckable I think. But at what cost?

Honorable mention for making me deal with Raiden's daddy issues and fight the sexy mech in this thing's enormous rectum (damn near killed 'em).

Shagohod - 4/10

Not technically a metal gear. I can see the appeal, but it doesn't *quite* nail the drider-esque niche for me. It does get a bonus point for the way it moves being kinda sensual tho. Additional bonus point for being piloted by an evil fa-

Intercontinental Ballistic Metal Gear - 0/10

literally could not even find an image of this that wasn't completely dwarfed by the Saturn V rocket attached to it. Not really much to look at. If you've always wanted to fuck a Saturn V, I guess this would be a good way to get introduced.

Metal Gear RAXA - 2/10

Somehow managed to capture "first day of kindergarten" energy in a death machine. I could be convinced based on its behavior tho. Damn, Portable Ops kind of an L design-wise, huh?

Gekkos - 9.5/10

WHY DOES IT HAVE SQUISHABLE THIGHS?? SIR???

And the feet. Like, we gotta talk about the feet. Why? Why the toes? Why does it stomp on me with its weirdly well-defined toes??? Did they make this mech specifically to appeal to dinosaur foot fetishists? Why does it bleed? Why does it MOO???

Extremely fuckable to the point that it loses half a point purely because it *feels* like horny bait.

Dwarf Gekkos - 7.5/10

This is an object that feels like it was designed by and for lesbians. I have no notes. Slightly offputting only due to the odd number of hands but it IS the perfect number for some activities, so honestly that may be a plus.

Metal Gear Mk II/III - 1/10

Adorable. Not fuckable. This is a gopro with a personality. Not to be confused with the vampiric gopro with a personality from Ultrakill, V1. Literally just a baby.

Outer Haven - 5.5/10

Only technically a Metal Gear by virtue of technically being a stolen Arsenal Gear which is technically a Metal Gear. Gains .25 each for being the site of the infamous russian tuant

and whatever fucked up display of devoted homosexuality this is:

also additional bonus point for being piloted by an evil fa-

Pupa - 3/10

This is just the Shagohod but with an AI pod. -1 for being touched by Huey, but balanced out by the +1 from being made by Strangelove. Even if it IS creepy that she made her dead crush/girlfriend's psyche pilot it around.

Crysalis - 6/10

Not super sexy but it does fly and has a rail gun where one could feasibly conceptualize a dick. Kinda MILF-like (has mini-drones). Has a grappling hook, so could do bondage. Probably would, ngl.

Cocoon - 1/10

Pupa, but less sexy. I barely even remember this boss fight because the game became such a rush right around here, pushing you to the postgame/first ending.

Peace Walker - 7/10

Weird dog, functioning by sheer lesbian willpower. She is beauty, she is grace, she would probably rate a lot higher if my emulator didn't suck ass and make me angry every time I see her now, fuck that bitch.

Rage aside, who doesn't love killing their momgirlfriend and then reliving that multiple times throughout the course of a single game, culminating in her just straight up pulling a Virginia Woolf.

Metal Gear Zeke - 6/10

Really just nothing that special. Okay, wait, +2 for being piloted by an evil little girl in her panties for some fucking reason.

Also +1 for the sick ass boss fight.

Walker Gear(s) - 8/10

HERE we go!!! Hell Yeah Babey!!! Basically human sized! Has lil Fuckin' Roller Skates!!! Carries My Ammo! My Best Friend! (Okay, third best friend, after Quiet and DD)

Yeah Huey developed it but it gets WAY more bonus points for letting me manhandle him.

Sahelanthropus - 7/10

I can't deny the raw sex appeal of Sahelanthropus. Also, it's literally piloted by pubescent rage which is something I deeply resonate with ngl.

HOWEVER it DOES get docked points for uhhh

-getting strangelove killed

-making baby otacon a child soldier

-huey :/

Battle Gear - 0/10

Is there even a single frame of this entire thing? Especially without Huey??

negative 1 billion points for blue balling me in the late game, i want to ride this motherfucker right into the kgb outposts and let 'em have it for what they did to babygirl

[serendertothesquad]

Seren's Studies: Odd Squad UK -- "Planes, Trains, and Oddmobiles" Episode Followup, Part 2

We continue on with the second half of our transportation journey. One down, two to go.

Below the break!

"OddRail" is just as silly of a name as "OddAir"! And the name "Ocomotive" is funny too.

Oh man, they aren't even trying, huh?

Awwwww Onom...keep strokin' that ego. You might get the fur off of it eventually.

AHAHAHA THIS GUY'S KNOWN FOR HIS WEIGHTLESS SUITCASES THAT AREN'T TOTALLY WEIGHTLESS????

Look, I don't like eggs either, but these are in what look to be pretty sturdy suitcases. I think you're safe, Conductor.

All right, I'm starting to see what this is now.

It's "Worst First Day Ever" but far more contrived and with a lot more worldbuilding.

No guesses for which episode I prefer more.

I'm also starting to see that this is where Orli and Ozzie play the violins.

And to be honest, I can already see where this is going and I will reiterate that they need to take a tip or two from Or- ohhhhh wait no she played the harp.

...Well, never mind then.

"Stop! What are you doing?"

"You made it look so easy."

OZZIE YOU SCHMUCK. W H Y . MAN GET YOUR ASS BEHIND THE ROCK AND LET ORLI PLAY DAMN IT.

But of course. You can't eat 'em if they're not down on the ground and convulsing in pain a little.

Or dead. That too.

The sheer idiocy of this man to go from "IT'S GONNA EAT YOU?!?!?!" to "oh that's pretty cool actually"...God, I love him.

Had to do a quick Google to find out if conductors were called something else in the UK. Turns out, they're known as "train managers".

So close, but no cigar.

I honestly love how this is the Odd Squad equivalent of when a character talks to their TV and it talks back to them.

...Okay, the name kinda sorta fits. BUT STILL.

THIS IS AGENT OPSTAIRS??????

Behold: the names get even stupider with "Odd Buses".

Because it's bad enough the kid has to be stuck in a little cube all day.

*long deep sigh*

I didn't think I'd have to make up some kind of a "Stupidest Math Lesson" award, but this is cutting it close.

...No. I lied. This is taking the top fucking spot. If you had kept it at 3 pounds it would have been so much better.

"Everyone makes mistakes."

"Thank you."

"Too bad we won't be making any more because we'll be eaten."

"...Oh."

"Yeah, didn't think about that, did you?"

"It doesn't matter that it's not full," he says, as I shake my head because we're nearly at the end of the episode and we don't have time for another contrived shit conflict.

The existence of a second book that should be read when you've been eaten by a Huggle Monster implies that an agent is eaten whole and then sits in the stomach as they are taken through a long and painful digestive process.

And frankly, that would make for a much more interesting episode than what we got. I mean if Catch Teenieping had an episode where most of it took place in the stomach of an animal...

I...WHOT. HEHH???????

I'M SORRY THEY HAVE NEW SHIELDS NOW????? NEW S H I E L D S ?!?!?!?!

AND THEY LOOK LIKE THEY ARE MADE OUT OF THE WORST FUCKING PLASTIC WHAT THE F U C K GO BACK TO THE METAL ONES.

...WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??????????

BRO HOLD UP. OMAR WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU D O I N G MAN. STOP WITH THE DRUGS. STOP IT. STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP-

NNNNNNNGH HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH OH FINE FUCK YOU. ONE POINT. THESE ARE COOL HOW CAN I NOT.

I mean...at the very least, Orli and Ozzie can ride back with Onom...but they all have to pay because he used up the free tickets.

My God, we went from cool shields to more contrived shit in less than a few minutes and I hate it.

Ahhhh bless him.

On a side note, how many agents do you guys think try to bypass the weight limit rules by storing suitcases in their hammerspace spines? Betcha it happens more often than you'd think.

Well look, on the plus side, I don't know why he's complaini- ohhhh because he has to take the suitcases back doesn't he.

And your credits for this episode. Nothing really of note, but I did think Ockpit's name was spelled with two T's at first.

------------------------

Overall, despite being an Onom-focused episode, this was a swing and a miss, which is pretty standard for Omar at this point. The weight limits were a solid way to introduce the math lesson, now that I think about it, but the final one with a two-pound weight limit outright killed it for me just for the sheer contrivance. Had some funny moments, and the shield upgrade was a nice touch, but those were not enough to save it, unfortunately. I'm better off watching an episode like "Worst First Day Ever", which handles the lesson well with a callback and some neat backstories, plus focus on a side character.

Anyway, next up will be "Part of the Furniture", where Orli struggles to fit in at her new precinct when we're nearly at the end of the season. I dunno, can we blame PBS for this one? Out-of-order airing or something?

Seren out!

[citadelsanchez]

Hey there

May I request a rick × a female short-tempered reader whose soft and kind, only with him and for him?

Thank you so much~

Heyoo. Ngl, I wrote this half asleep tbh and my brain would not give me any better ideas so I hope it's decent haha. Enjoy (:

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I swear to Goddddd" you seethe, gritting your teeth and clutching the steering wheel.

You'd been stuck in traffic for a ridiculous amount of time, which was adding onto your anger from the hours before. There wasn't anything in particular that ruined your day, just the usual routine of rude customers at work, your one (and honestly only) friend pushing your buttons, and now shitty drivers making the way home insufferable.

Your almost-relationship also hasn't responded to your texts in 3 hours, which secretly made you want to scream although you'd never let it be known. He thrives off of your annoyance, there's no room for emotional vulnerability slips.

Which most people don't seem to expect from you anyway.

"You need to work on your friendliness," your manager quipped at you earlier. "Your happy tone is there but your face just looks flat and unamused constantly."

You'd just bit your tongue and refrained from saying that it's already a massive effort to keep from strangling most of those that come in everyday.

"Uh-huh, sure. So can I come over later when I get off?" You'd texted Rick, your aforementioned almost-relationship. You call it that because you've been seeing each other for a couple of months, but haven't put any labels on anything. They weren't really his thing; you guessed it came with the territory of being insanely intelligent. Nothing needed to be explained in his eyes.

You felt like the text came off as clingy, and assumed that it's why he didn't text back, which only made you feel worse. But oh, if you would have asked to sit on his cock, he would've texted back at the speed of light. Such an asshole.

You pull into your driveway now, getting out and slamming the car door. A nosy neighbor was on the sidewalk across from your house, mindlessly staring at you and the display of irritability.

You put your hands together to mimic a camera and pretend to click the top.

"Take a fucking picture, yeah?" You say and head inside. You don't mean to be so volatile and hot-headed, but in your humble defense, people truly drag it out of you.

You go into your bedroom and sigh, flinging your work clothes off to slip into casual pajamas and flop down on your bed.

"D-damn babe, judging by the way you toOOOK those clothes off, I'm assuming it wasn't a g-good day at work?" A voice says, making you screech as you had your eyes closed.

You look around the room to see Rick, stood in front of your closet, half smirking with portal gun in hand.

"Rick- fuck, don't scare me like that you massive cunt," you breathe out. You've told him that you're not a huge fan of him portaling into your personal space at random. But Rick being Rick, you might as well have been talking to the wall.

"T-tell me how it went, Ms. Grumps," he responds, walking over to sit on the bed with you. You feel a sense of comfort wash over you as his scent fills your nose and the warmth of his body radiates beside you.

You bite your lip and look down, embarrassed at how often your rage consumes you. You also don't want him to notice that your body seems to naturally detox when he's around.

"Um, ya know, just the usual stuff. Which you would know if you had texted me back," you replied, a hint of both hurt and playfulness in your voice.

He stares at you for a second before he gently puts his hand on top of yours and clears his throat.

"Yeah I-I'm sorry about that, M-Morty and I got caught up on Flarbellion chasing t-these Robobros. Almost took my fucking h-hand" Rick says.

"Uh huh, I'm sure. I just missed you" you mumble, still feeling a little upset and being unable to hide it.

"Come on d-don't be whiney, I'm- your knight in shining armor is here now," he smirks again, leaning in to move a strand of hair out of your face and put a hand on your thigh.

Your breath hitches a little and your heart starts beating rapidly. You're used to being around him and being in him but these sweet actions- they're small and rare all the same.

Rick shifts to sit behind you and starts running both hands through your hair now, one massaging your scalp slowly and the other petting it gently. You moan slightly in ecstasy from the feeling and lean back into him.

"Rick, that feeels so good."

After a minute or two you turn around and wrap your arms around him sheepishly. "Thank you, Rick. I can return the favor if you'd like."

"Th-that's okay hun, just wanted to help. I-I've got some favors you could return instead though." He says, his voice suggestive and grin as evident as ever.

"Shut up, you're the worst. And the best," you admit, realizing that in just a few minutes time he'd made all your stresses melt away completely. It happens every time.

"D-don't I know it, sweet girl," he smiles down at you, leaving a kiss on your forehead.

[kingdaddydaichi]

NSFW Alphabet || Katsuki Bakugou

I had so much fun with this! Vodka may or may not have been involved in the making of this little ditty. 🍸 I hope you shameless hussies enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. 😩

*Exhibit A:

(Source)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I feel like he gets clingy asf, but plays it off like it's something he's doing for your sake. He'll probably never admit that he feels so vulnerable after sex, but he does. If it was a rough session - which it usually is with him - he'll ask if you're okay, if you're hurt anywhere, kiss any marks he left on you - he's such a protective hero boi.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His: he's not gonna lie, he's fully aware of how well-endowed he is. He really is proud of his cock, the way it makes you sing when he works it - and he knows how to work it okay? Favorite non-sexual body part - his arms. He works hard to keep them cut (as in lifting, not cutting). 😬

Yours: listen, Katsuki is an ass man through and through. Go ahead and tell me I'm wrong, I'm 👏🏼 not 👏🏼 listening 👏🏼. He loves to watch the subtle ripples he sends through your ass cheeks when he's driving into you from behind. Also, our big scary boomboom man appreciates a nice, thicc pair of thighs. Bonus points if they're muscular/toned - he loves the way it feels when your thighs have such a strong grip around him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Let's just say our boy's orgasms are explosive. He cums hard and loud, shooting long ropes of his hot seed. Consistency is about average, not too thick, not to thin, but there's a lot of it. He doesn't taste too bad - salty, but not too bitter. You're more likely to gag from the sheer volume and force of his cum hitting the back of your throat than the flavor.

His precum gets honorable mention here. It's fucking delicious. That is all.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It took him no less than 2 years into your relationship to tell you this, and if you ever tell anyone he might actually kill you, or at the very least make your ass bleed. He hasn't gotten to the point that he's ready to try it yet, but he's not entirely opposed to the idea of you pegging him. Someday. It kinda does make his balls tingle a little just thinking about it tbh. He hasn't yet, but he thinks he might be ready to try working up to it and is really close to asking you to stick a finger in his ass and stroke his prostate. He's heard how good it feels and he's super curious to find out for himself.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not very experienced, actually. He's only had 1 or 2 lovers before you, BUT he's determined to be #1 at everything. Couple that with how perceptive he is and you've got yourself a winner of a loverboy. He's going to make damn sure that, even if things don't work out between you two, he will always ALWAYS be the best you've ever had. No other man will outdo him, E-V-E-R.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggystyle all the way, baby. As stated before, he loves watching your booty jiggle every time he slams his hips against it. He gets off on spreading your ass cheeks to watch his slick-coated cock slide in and out of you. God he just loves hitting it from behind, makes his dick so fucking hard.

Bonus 2nd Favorite Position (couldn't help myself): you on your back with your ankles on his shoulders, your ass lifted off the bed, him on his knees and hugging those thick thighs of yours, keeping them closed as he reams into you. (Slight variation of this one: he leans over you, nearly folding you in half, putting you back on your shoulders with his hands pressing into the mattress beside you, angling you such that his prominent corona rubs over your g-spot as he drills down into you. 10/10 you're gonna scream his name when (not if) your liquid gushes all over him.)

Tell me the truth, am I a disgusting human being? Here are all the fucks I give:

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Bakugou is serious asf about his sex game. This is not the time to joke around or poke fun at him, understand me? If you do he will get pissed and either fuck the silly out of you, or if he's feeling particularly ruthless he'll just stop altogether and let you ache for him as punishment until you beg him for release.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He takes care of his body, paying a lot of attention to his hygiene, which includes manscaping to keep his pubic hair trimmed and kempt. The carpet's just a shade darker than the drapes, like a honey blond. If he lets it grow out, it sticks straight out just like his head hair. It's actually kind of funny and he hates it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

*sigh* Let's be honest. Katsuki is not the super romantic type, at least not outwardly. However, if he realizes something he's doing is hurting you - physically or emotionally - he's going to stop dead in his tracks and hold you close, push his fingers through your hair, and tell you how much he loves you and how safe you are. He can be rough and he can be an asshole, but if he thinks he's genuinely hurt you at all, he's all over you, doing everything he can to make you understand that he will never let anyone hurt you, especially not himself. Got that?

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't jack off very often. You two share a very active sex life so he doesn't see the need to. If you have to be apart for more than a day or two, he'll rub one out. Or if the need hits him particularly hard and you're not available or in the mood, he's not above closing his eyes and reaching into his pants to wrap his thick fingers around his cock and start tugging.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Lord Baby Jesus, where do I even begin? Kinky, kinky Katsuki. This man should come with warning signs and disclaimers.

First of all, he dom asf okay? Even if he lets you play with his ass someday, he's gonna be bratty about it. He's going to top from the bottom, hashtag facts. And trust that he WILL own you afterwards to securely reestablish his dominance.

Giving and Receiving: Hair pulling. DIRTY TALK - you think he's got a potty mouth in the streets? His mouth is downright filthy between the sheets. Loves it when you dirty talk right back to him. "You love taking my fat cock, don't you princess?" "Mm yessss, fuck me, Katsuki! Your cock feels so fucking good babyyy!" He eats that shit up.

Giving Only: Degradation. Praise. Spanking. Cockwarming. Dom/sub/power play. Shibari/ropework (he tried it bc you wanted to and he fucking loved it). Creampies. Begging. Discipline. Ravishment.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Literally anywhere inside your home/homes - bed, bathroom/kitchen countertops, kitchen/dining table, office desk/chair, any piece furniture is fair game really, up against a wall, washer/dryer, the fucking floor, ugh just all the places to fuck. Not one square foot is sacred tbh.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Wear something that showcases the curve of your butt. Doesn't have to be revealing per se, matter of fact he'll get possessive as fuck if you're showing too much skin in public. At home/privately though? He can't help himself. Dat ass tho...he is going to smack it hard enough that it stings and that's final, understand?

Tease him. You can't be obvious about it though. If he senses that you're doing it on purpose, it'll just backfire. But if you just so happen to brush against his crotch when you squeeze past him, it'll drive him crazy. Go commando in short shorts/skirt and cross your legs just so, his dick will twitch. Even better if you do shit like this in public where you know he won't act on it. But when you get home you best believe he's going to dick you down so hard, won't even bother to take said shorts or skirt off.

His ears and neck are his most sensitive erogenous zones. Whisper in his ear or kiss his neck and he's going to grit his teeth in an effort to fight back the shudder that threatens to rattle his bones.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Let's get one thing straight. Katsuki Bakugou does not share. This is non-negotiable. He will not agree to anything involving additional people - cuckolding, threesomes, orgies, exhibitionism, voyeurism (unless it's him watching you pleasure yourself - that he will gladly do, and probably start palming himself in the process).

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves giving and receiving. Giving puts him in full control of your pleasure, receiving makes him feel like you're worshipping his cock, which you probably are. Have you seen this man's cock? Of course you have. Gatdamn.

Y'all, Katsuki's so good at eating pussy. Like how does one get that good at eating pussy? I don't even know, but god the way he flicks his hot tongue over your precious, tiny bud before wearing it down like a fucking feed bag? It's unnatural. Like it could be his backup quirk if blowing shit up doesn't work out. You've seen the way he licks his lips when he gets excited, everyone has.* He doesn't even bother swallowing while he's feeding on you so you just be dripping in slick and saliva and he's just slurping away. It's lewd.

*See Exhibit A above.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

You already know this, but I'll say it anyway. His go-to fucking style is fast and rough, dominant and relentless, hard and dirty. But every once in a while he'll want to take you slow and deep and passionate. He'll hold you so tight in his arms and chest, you'll have to tap his shoulder sometimes to let you breathe. And he'll just roll his hips so fucking thoroughly both of you will feel every last inch, his pubic bone rubbing your clit so hard. You've told him so many times how much you love it when he makes love to you like this, but he maybe makes it a rare treat on purpose. 😈 Little shit.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are difficult for our boy. It's not that he's against them, it's just that he savors every drop of sensuality, he has a tendency to draw the pleasure out as long as possible. He can’t help it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

The idea of having public sex turns him on, but he's only done it with you a couple of times when he was 10000% sure you wouldn't be caught. He can't risk doing anything that would tarnish his reputation and goal of becoming the #1 Hero. He might be freaky as hell, but he needs a sex scandal like an Alaskan needs a refrigerator.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He loves you long time. He's a Taurus for fuck's sake (well, Aries/Taurus cuspie, but that just sweetens the deal). Great stamina. Grinds you down like a whetstone. Can last as long as he needs to to ensure you cum for him as many times as it takes for you to beg him to stop. If he feels himself getting too close while you're blowing him, he'll stop you and go down on you instead. If he's inside of you, he'll pull out and start kissing all over your body, sucking, nipping, licking until his urge to cum passes, then he pushes it right back in and keeps going.

If on the off-chance he does cum before you, he'll be ready to go again in about 20-30 mins. Just give him some motivation, he deserves it.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He didn't own any toys when you first got together, but you did. He hated the idea of you using them though, especially when he's right there with you. You've since assured him that you don't want to use them to replace him, but to enhance the pleasure. So now you do use them from time to time.

The first time you managed to coax him into using a toy together, it was a small wireless bullet with a remote. When you brought it out and showed it to him, there was a wild glint in his eye. He carefully inserted the vibrator into you, his cock slowly following suit. He loved the fact that he had complete control over this thing, but later complained because the sensation of it against the head of his cock made him cum too fast. He still wants to use it sometimes though. 😏

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh he can be so unfair. He loves teasing you until you're begging him to put his cock inside you. He's not so much into orgasm denial per se; he just loves to hear you beg him for shit - to let you cum, to suck his dick, to stop fucking you when you're overstimmed, etc.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Lol he's fucking LOUD! And he's going to make you cum so hard that you're screaming his fucking name. There was a time when one or both of you lived in an apartment and the neighbors would bang on the wall behind your headboard.

Shit, what sounds does he NOT make? He growls, moans, grunts, groans, yells, swears, fucks you so hard you can hear the wet sound of slapping skin, hell even the bed protests. Another reason he doesn't fuck in public - he can't stay quiet enough to be discreet about it.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Okay, as much of a wild sex beast as he is behind closed doors, he gets embarrassed so easily when your sex life is so much as hinted at around others. It's legit funny how flustered he gets about it.

If he goes into work real tired and Kirishima says, "Hey Bakubro, you look like shit this morning. You and (y/n) stay up too late?" while doing the finger in the hole gesture, Katsuki will just "Shut the fuck up, Shitty Hair, or I'll blast your ass right through that fucking wall!"

Or if you two go out together with friends and the girls are talking about sex-related stuff, Katsuki will just roll his eyes and try to ignore it. But if one of them is all "So, (y/n), does Bakugou ever like accidentally let off explosions while you're doing it?" and you wink and say, "Only when he's especially *cough* frustrated *cough*". Katsuki will go red from his neck up to his hairline and start stuttering, sparks flying from his palms. "H-hey, d-don't tell them sh-shit like that! I-it's none of their god-goddamn b-business, (y/n), what th-the f-fuck?!" Meanwhile, you and the girls are in stitches while he stomps away, just mortified, bless his heart. When you catch your breath from laughing you'll follow it up with, "Looks like tonight's gonna be one of those nights", and you all lose it again.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

As has been mentioned, Bakugou's well-endowed. I figure he's packing about 7.5-8" in length x just under 2" wide. He takes some getting used to, that's for damn sure. Oh, and he's more of a shower than a grower. Like around 6" long x 1.5" wide when flaccid. Katsuki + sweatpants/basketball shorts = swinging dick print, alright sis? Take notes, this motherfucker visibly jumps when he does, class dismissed.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Eh, he's surprisingly not ridiculously horny. Maybe a little above average sex drive? A lot of times hero work just takes it out of him and he comes home utterly exhausted and just needs a soft place to land, and you provide him with all the love and nurturing in your heart. ❤

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends, really, on the time of day and what type of day it's been. If it's late (like past 9pm lol) and he fought more villains than usual that day, he's probs gonna pass out pretty soon after. If it's earlier in the day - especially first thing in the morning - it gets him pumped and almost comically genki.

[guns-in-the-desert]

Germany NSFW A-Z

I’m super excited to post this, I worked hella hard, so here it is.

A= Aftercare

   He’s not the best at it, as being soft and comforting isn’t in his nature. It takes him a while to get good at it, and when he does, it’s super routine, almost robotic (let’s be honest, he made a checklist.). Step 1. Ask if  you're alright, Step 2. Wipe you down, and so on and so forth.

B= Body Part

  Not to be basic but, your boobs are hands down his favorite part of your body, he loves to squeeze them, even when y’all aren’t fucking, he’ll play with them without even realizing, bonus points if you have sensitive nipples. On him he really likes his arms, he likes how they look around your waist, and how easily he can pick you up.

C= Cum

  Ludwig is a Super neat person, so he likes a quick and easy clean up. He likes to nut inside you/a condom or in your mouth, not only does he think it’s hella hot, but also there's little to no mess, it’s 10/10 for him.

D= Dirty secret

  He would die before telling anyone this, but he steals your panties, not that you don't know, he’s quite bad at returning them, so you notice them missing. He really wants to stop, but he just thinks it’s so hot, and they remind him of the different times you've done it, for example: You wore that pink velvet thong the first time he tied you up. P.S they're not always clean when he takes them, at this point don’t even let him do laundry

E= Experience

  He’s not as experienced as you might think, he’s quite awkward actually. He’s done it a few times, but he still can’t can’t look at your bare body without blushing, watches HELLA porn though , but don’t expect him to admit it.

F= Favorite Position

  He absolutely LOVES fucking you against the wall, you would never know it, but he’s kind of a show off. This position shows off his strength (and his biceps), plus he gets to feel your tits against him, it’s a win win situation for him.

G= Goofy (is he more serious or goofy in bed)

 This man ain’t even goofy in day to day life, like, at all. Y’all know damn well he did not come to play any kind of games with you, I wish you would try and crack a joke while his dick is out.

H= Hair

  He's neat, he trims regularly, he's well maintained and well groomed, would never shave it completely off (he gets cold) because it makes him feel less manly

I= Intimacy

  He’s not goofy, also not very intimate, he’s quite aggressive, being gentle isn’t in his nature, not that he’s trying to be during sex, like italy said in the show “he’s like some sort of super sadist.”.

J= Jack off

  He jacks off, a lot, don't ask him though, he’d practically deny knowing what masturbating is, claims it’s “DISGUSTANG”, despite literally getting porn for christmas. You've caught him in compromising positions multiple times, still denies ever doing though.

K= Kink

  “He's like some sort of super sadist.” Italy said it best will literally rock your shit for the hell of it. Flogging, spit, bondage, the whole nine yards, know s, almost no limits, will he slap you across your face and call you a whore? Yes. Will he choke you until your face turns blue? Yes. Will he tie you with a vibrator and leave you for hours? Definitely. Will he make you walk on a leash and sleep in a dog bed? Absolutely. Can he look at your tits, without blushing? Of course not, what are you, fuckin crazy?

L= Location

  The bed, he does NOT want to even risk getting caught, he’d be WAY too embarrassed. He decided to get frisky in the living room once, and Gil walked in. He didn’t fuck you for a week and he didn’t talk to his brother for a month, partially because Gilbert’s and asshole and takes every oppurtunity he has to bully his younger brother, partially due to embarrassment. 

M= Motivation

  Almost everything, surprisingly, he’s actually a pretty horny dude, but if you really wanna get him going, beg, he loves to see you beg, you could also crawl around on the floor in low cut top, and skirt in front of him, but don’t be surprised if you get a collar the next day.

N= No

  Will not, and I mean NEVER ever even consider sharing you under any circumstances. He doesn't care how much you beg and plead. Why would you want somebody else with y’all is there something he’s doing wrong, ask him again, I dare you, you'll get your ass beat, I mean it, in the hottest way possible of course.

O= Oral

  Ludwig prefers receiving, and even though you’re doing the sucking, he’s doing the work. Really rough, so don't be surprised if cum is coming out of your nose by the end of it. When it comes to giving, my guy had a stiff ass tongue at first, like he licked your pussy mad hard, he figured it out eventually, thank god.

P= Pace

  Surprise surprise, he’s mad rough, but does find a pace and a rhythm quite quickly, which is a really good trait not many people have (I assume) it’s easy to get into, which is always pleasant. It goes very smoothly.

Q= Quickies 

  Not the biggest fan of quickies but he’ll do them nonetheless, they just aren’t his favorite, he’d pick it over masturbation, not that he does that of course, your always a better option with his hand.

R= Risk

  He takes risks in the sense that he likes to experiment with new toys, kinks, roleplays, etc. not with location though, he sticks to the bedroom and the shower exclusively, and he's even iffy about that.

S= Stamina

  This man spent a decent chunk of the show running, so he can and will go for hours. It's kind of insane. 

T= Toys

  Yes, of course, ropes, vibrators, flogs, you name it, he's got it, it’s as simple as that.

U= Unfair

  While foreplay lasts for quite a while, he isn’t much of a tease. With the exception of the occasional orgasm denial, he’s pretty straight to the point. He doesn't see a reason to drag things out when it’s not necessary. Like if you're  getting flogged, you're getting flogged, there's no if, ands, or buts, he doesn't have time for talking or teasing.

V= Volume

  He sucks at dirty talk, so he lets his actions do all the talking. Doesn't really make noise during sex, there’s the occasional grunt, but even thats rare

W= Wild Card

  So I mentioned before that you caught him in compromising positions in the past, the first time this happened was an absolute disaster. You had walked in to ask him what he wanted for dinner, he looked like a deer in headlights. You asked him what he was doing and his response was “I lost my turtle.” I don't know what part of him thought he would believe because; 1) He doesn't own a turtle, 2) he somehow lost it in his dick? So for this to make sense, he would have had to go and buy a turtle, have it near his penis for whatever reason, proceed to forget about said turtle, and after all that it still would explain how a turtle would fit into anyway, like I know you have foreskin, but, damn. So you ask him if he was masterbating, which obviously ended like this “NEIN, THAT’S DISGUSTING!” 

X= X-Ray

  Big dick,  more girthy than it is long, but it still has quite a bit of length, has the slightest curve, and a vein along the underside, he’s uncut. Wait till you see this man in grey sweatpants.

Y= Yearningh  In the top 10 for characters with the highest sex drive, He’s number seven on the list. Which says more about the people above him than it says about him, himself.

Z= ZZZ (How quickly does he fall asleep after?)

  Either he’s out immediately, or  he gets up and does work, there is ZERO in between with this man, I really don’t know what to tell y’all.

I really hope y’all enjoyed, I don’t have any WIPs as of right now. So, I write when I get ideas until I get more requests. See y’all in the next one. Bye for now

[haroldjaffe]

When Kurt Vonnegut wrote in G-d Bless You, Mr. Rosewater "Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies--

"G-d damn it, you've got to be kind."

When Everything Everywhere All at Once said “The only thing I do know is that we have to be kind. Please, be kind, especially when we don’t know what’s going on" 

When the Good Place said “Why choose to be good every day when there is no guaranteed reward now or in the afterlife… I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people and our innate desire to treat them with dignity. Simply put, we are not in this alone.” 

When Jean-Paul Sartre said ”‘Hell is other people’ is only one side of the coin. The other side, which no one seems to mention, is also ‘Heaven is each other’. Hell is separateness, uncommunicability, self-centeredness, lust for power, for riches, for fame. Heaven on the other hand is very simple, and very hard: caring about your fellow beings.“

[kpop-dungeon-dark]

Little Girl. (Younger!Nine/Wookjin x You)

•TRIGGER WARNING•

Warning(s): Semi-Noncon, humiliation, degradation, size kink, fingering, slapping, hair pulling, choking, strong language, older!y/n, spanking, wedging, a dash of fear kink. Read at your own risk. Both of you are of legal age in this.

The air in Y/n's apartment was thick with tension as she awkwardly nodded at Wookjin, the son of her kind neighbour lady seated comfortably on the couch in her living room as she fumbled through one of her drawers, grabbing the teaching notes she needed to help the boy with, still clad in her work clothes which were a tight black pencil skirt and a pretty peach dress shirt, feet bare.

Wookjin bit his lip as she looked her tight ass up and down from behind since she was crouching to level herself with the piece of furniture. The boy was struggling to fight the urge to undo the high professional bun her hair was in. It looked so pretty when it was down, flowing down her shoulders and ending just above her waist. Fuck. She was so beautiful. It was a shame how she was all smiles with him when she first moved in the apartment complex but started avoiding him when she learnt that he was just a college sophomore.

Y/n sighed as she dropped a booklet yet again, trying to suppress the shudder in her fingers. Although she had her back to the boy, the woman knew he was staring. God damn. He was always fucking staring. She hated it. If it weren't for his friendly and kind mother, she never would have agreed to tutor Wookjin.

She wanted to smack herself for being so stupid. Without knowing his age Y/n had so stupidly flirted with him here and there when she first moved in. Only to find out that he was 5 fucking years younger than her.

And the fact that his door was right opposite to hers didn't fucking help.

"O- Okay!" Finally standing up with the materials and notes she needed, Y/n softly pulled in a long breath, closing the drawer with her foot before whipping around. "Let's sta-" a surprised scream escaped the girl, the bunch in her hand falling down on the ground when she came chest to face contact with the younger one, blinking up at him in surprise, unconsciously gulping down a bike.

"W- What are you doing, Wookjin?" Her voice broke towards the end of the sentence, breath hitching as she reflexively tried to step back, ass hitting the chest of drawers.

"Tsk. Don't hurt that pretty little butt now." The woman's cheeks flushed hot at his vulgar words, heart leaping up in her throat when he placed his hand on the piece of furniture besides her, leaning down to level his face to her smaller height.

"W- Wookjin! What is this-!"

"Tsk." Using the back of his hand to lightly slap her pretty lips, the boy clicked his tongue. "Funny how you talk so much yet go mute whenever I am around" inching his lips closer to the female's, Wookjin stared down at her pretty lips, breaths getting heavier against them. "What did I even do, hm? One moment you were acting like you wanted me to fuck all your holes numb the next you started avoiding me for no reason." Before he could stop himself, his slender fingers wrapped around her pretty neck.

Fuck. It felt even better than he'd imagined. So soft, so thin, so pretty and vulnerable.

He felt his cock getting hard.

"Hm?" Raising an eyebrow he trailed his fingers up and towards her jaw, cupping it before his thumb rubbed her luscious bottom lip. "Cat got your tongue again, hm?"

Y/n felt tears welling up in her eyes. Fuck. She felt so small and weak. Body frozen. "T- This is... wrong" was the only thing she could whisper helplessly. So wrong yet so good. But she didn't want to admit it. "I- I am older-"

"Tsk." Closing the distance between them in a swift motion, Wookjin pressed his lips against hers, almost moaning at the heavenly feeling. Fuck. They were so wet and soft. "Seriously?" He whispered against her lips after pulling back, other hand trailing up her sides. "That's your lame reason? Age doesn't determine anything. If you're a weak little girl who needs someone to take care of her you just are-"

"N- No!" Her features hardened, displeasing the boy as she tried to stop the hand that was travelling down to her ass, weakly pushing at his strong chest. "I am n- not weak! This is wrong! I knew this was a bad idea! Get ou-" her words locked up in her throat in surprise when a soft slap was placed on her cheek.

"Really? Funny you say that because I see you struggling with basic tasks around the complex all the time. It's quite pathetic actually. How someone your age still can't do basic things properly. A surprise how you secured this job you have honestly." Y/n's cheeks glowed red in embarrassment at his words.

Fuck. She hated how his words effected her. From the butterflies in her stomach all the way down south.

No. Wookjin was so much younger than her. He was basically a kid and she was a university lecturer. How could she let him treat her like that and make her feel do small?

And just why the fuck did she like it?

Ugh.

Her head was spinning.

"S- Shut… up" the boy threw his head back and let out a loud laugh at her petty little words.

"Aw is that the best you've got, huh little girl?" Shaking his head, he whipped the older around and forcefully pushed her against the chest of drawers, not hesitating to rip her tight little skirt all the way up to her ass, pulling at the g-string she was wearing underneath in a harsh and humiliating wedgie, landing slaps on her ass.

"Look at this pathetic little thing thinking she can decide things around here. Tsk." Y/n bit down on her bottom lip, helplessly gripping the furniture as her face burnt in embarrassment, toes barely touching the ground due to the wedgie she was in.

Fuck. It hurt so good. She hated it.

"Quiet again, huh?" Squeezing and pulling at one of her fat ass cheeks, Wookjin landed another harsh spank, pulling the wedgie up and down. "Good. Little girls like you should stay quiet and let Daddy take care of them. That's when they're the prettiest" her chest was heaving up and down, ass crack, pussy and butt cheeks on fire from the assault they were under.

The woman how good it felt. She felt so vulnerable and weak. So helpless. And then being treated like such a small little thing by someone so much younger that she'd tried to act all big in front of.

An involuntary moan escaped her when Wookjin moved the string covering her vaginal opening to the side, still having her hanging from the wedgie. "Let's take a look at Daddy's property, shall we?" Followed by a deep chuckle. "Would you look at that!" Y/n's whole body jerked forward from the harsh smack her pussy received. "Acting all innocent and like you don't like it but actually pathetically dripping down there, tsk."

Leaning forward and over her back, the boy placed his chin on her shoulder, middle finger slowly stroking her swollen folds. "But you actually love this, don't you? You filthy little thing" biting down on her ear lobe, the male pulled at it, rubbing her flesh in circular motions, fingertip prodding her entrance. "Being taken care of by Daddy because you're clearly so pathetic on your own." Biting down on her lips, Y/n felt sweat trickling down the back of her thighs, knees trembling and pussy clenching at how good it all felt. "So desperate that you'd let someone so much younger than you put you in your little place."

"P- Please!" The girl whined at last when she felt his covered erection graze against her asshole, the hole clenching in defense. "Please!" Sweat broke down on her forehead, another whine escaping her.

"Please what?" Wookjin breathed in her ear, kissing down her neck and biting the soft skin of her neck softly.

She was so going to regret this when it was over. But Y/n figured she could worry about that later.

"P- Please, W- Wookjin… m- more…" A grin spread across his devilishly handsome face when he heard the words, getting even hard at how pretty she sounded. "P- Please… please… T- Take care of me, D- Daddy… Hhhhaahhhh~" her eyes rolled to the back of her head when his finger slipped in the tight ring of muscles of her virgin pussy.

Yes. You heard it right.

"Good slut…" The boy praised, letting go of the wedgie and allowing her to stand on her feet, gripping her throat and choking her again, pushing her face all the way back and kissing her soft lips upside down, pushing his tongue in and exchanging saliva, finger fucking her tight pussy steady and good. "How does my pretty whore feel?" Letting go of her throat, he messily undid her hair, painfully aroused himself.

"S- So good!" Tears leaked out of her eyes as she cried from the pleasure. Y/n looked so pretty it was blowing Wookjin's mind. Beautiful face red, pretty eyes red eyes full of tears, breaths heavy, skin covered in sweat, legs spread as her underwear laid stretched out on one side, disheveled hair decorating her body and pupils delated, a hickey forming on her neck. "P- Please, more!"

"Fuck!" The boy whispered impatiently, plopping his fingers out of her to have the girl whined with a pout, chuckling deeply before turning her around by the help of her hair, putting her up on the piece of furniture before ripping her shirt open along her bra.

"S- Shit… you're so strong" a smug grin etched on the boy's face at her words as he pushed all the ripped fabrics out of the way, cupping her soft and fat breasts, feeling her hard numbs with the pad of his thumbs, biting his lip when she moaned from the feeling of having her tits massaged.

"Ready, little girl?" Unbuckling his pants, Wookjin uncovered his hard erection, pumping it up and down before smirking. "Brace yourself here I come ready or not~" He loved the worried look on her face as she stared at his huge cock.

"Is it even normal for it to be that big?" She innocently asked, blinking at the boy with her legs spread wide, hands out of the way and fat tits glistening with sweat.

"Awww look at this cute whore being so inexperienced" the boy cooed, wrapping his hands in her hair and aligning his tip with entrance with the help of the other. "Not that I am complaining though-" his words were cut short into a low gasp when he slowly entered her slightly fucked open virgin entrance, grunting at how her walls hugged him. "Fuck!"

"I- I've never done this before with anyone… n- not even myself…" Throwing her head back, the girl cried out, clenching around Wookjin's fat cock in defense, thighs trembling as she felt his lips wrap around one of her nipples, tongue swirling around the fat nub. "B- Because no matter how hard I tried… i- it never felt good, Daddy! Ever!" The woman whined needily, relishing in the pain. "I- It hurts so good, Daddy… Y- You're so good!"

Wookjin fucked her harder upon hearing the confession, grabbing her throat and squeezing the air out of her, biting her other nipple before pulling at it, slapping the other recently abused boob, fondling it before slapping it again, causing the girl to cry out.

"Because you were meant to be my cock sleeve only, babygirl. Of course nobody else can pleasure you like I can. Not even if you try, but-" gripping her soft cheeks, the boy pulled her red and teary face closer to his. "You wouldn't dare, would you?" Y/n whimpered from the frightening look in his eyes, gulping. "What? Didn't hear me?" Slapping her cheek, he gripped her face tightly again. "Answer when you're being spoken to!"

Y/n clenched around his cock, whining loudly before nodding hurriedly. "I- I wouldn't! Never! I would never! I am all y- yours!" She loved how he was treating her. Fuck. He was so good and more. It was perfect.

"Good girl." Wookjin smirked in a satisfied manner, pulling her closer on his cock and himself by her knee, making her scream because it caused his balls to slightly push in her now gaping hole. "Fuck, babygirl… you're much tighter than I'd imagined." Slapping her now bruised marked tits, the boy fucked her walls harder, starting to rub her clit.

The girl yelped, her back arching from the pleasure as she gripped at the younger's strong shoulders, nails digging into his skin and eyes hitting the back of her head from the pleasure, pussy expanding even more now that his balls were also ramming in and out of her, one of the male's hands groping her ass, middle finger stroking her hole which shrunk even smaller in defense.

Whining softly, Y/n's head weakly fell on one of his shoulders, chest heaving up and down as she trembled from the pleasure, softly nibbling on the skin of his neck.

The male chuckled devilishly, prodding her butthole teasingly with the tip of his finger while snapping his hips swift and rough. "Not yet?" He referred towards anal, ignoring the stuff that was falling off the chest from how hard he was fucking her, the loud banging noise of the furniture hitting the wall eliminating the silence in the apartment.

"That's alright, babygirl. We'll get there. None of us are going anywhere, after all."

.

Unedited. Honestly, even idk what this is LMFAOOOOOO.

[bemylord]

ʜᴏᴡ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇᴍᴏʀɪᴢᴇ ᴊᴜᴊᴜᴛꜱᴜ ᴋᴀɪꜱᴇɴ ʙᴏɪᴢ

[it's only my opinion you may add yours in the comments for the newbies <3] might be spoilers. + a lot of my stupid jokes don't like it, don't read it.

his name satoru gojo but you can call him mr. satoru steal your girlfriend gojo.

fluffy cat.

but can kill you within a sec if you touch his students.

he wears a mask so girls don't lose their panties.

has a sweet tooth.

first impression - a thirty-year-old clown. second - why the devil is he such an idiot, when the strongest shaman?

he coudn't say no to his students.

makes jokes even during battle.

he gets along with children because he is a child himself.

can defeat the king of curses but he's interested what will be next.

a young man who has lost his mind.

nanami kento aka food lover

the best father ever. the best husbando ever. the best ever.

do not irritate him.

loves bread/fooodie so you better learn how to cook.

his back hurts [guess why]

dude in style even on the beach.

fetish/kink for ties and harness [try to convince me otherwise]

wanted to live like other people, but gojo satoru appeared on the horizon and his life went down the drain.

active at night. [no smut lol he just an owl]

a fan of reading newspapers in the 21st century when there is a phone.

itadori yuuji aka vessel for curse.

the reason why this whole mess has started.

sweetie pie, jesus fuc1ing sweetie. stupid but cute.

makes friends easily.

a finger-eater.

wanted to be normal person, but ate the finger and died.

jennifer lopez fan because of her as- singing. ;)

very caring toward others.

gojo and he are idiots in the company.

he's a fan of summoning all kinds of spirits at school.

the funniest, sweetest person you've ever met.

he probably dyed his head pink for a bet.

megumi fushiguro aka dog summoner <3

try to touch him and the king kills you.

all the bullies are afraid of him.

he loves dogs.

dogs love him.

and it's idyllic.

make him angry and this nice boy will show you instant murder [if the king doesn't kill you first].

went insane 'cause of satoru [megumi has known him since he was a little boy]

but he's actually kind of shy if you hug him unexpectedly.

i don't know why the f^ck he's so important to the king, but don't confront him.

he has messy hair that you want to ruffle.

sukuna ryomen aka the king. THE king. the KING.

yuuji is daytime mode and sukuna is nighttime mode.

he got tattoos, even though his mother forbade it. [that's my dumb joke]

i don't doubt if he has a pierced tongue/ears/nose. smth more

he sits on the throne because he gets a thrill out of it.

spends 24/7 in his world and who knows what he does there.

can create mouths all over his body than could compete with satoru.

he had four arms, two faces and two d in the past. doesn't understand why age can be an obstacle in a relationship.

if he likes you somehow, he will do anything for you.

how will he like you? good question.

he likes to tear the clothes off and walk around naked in the streets because he has six pack.

toji fushiguro [zenin] aka dilf/big D energy.

irresponsible dad.

the kind of dad that everyone wants.

the shaman killer, but everyone still loves him.

he'd smoke cigarettes even in his sleep. i'm sure he would have a very low voice.

you'll do e v e r y t h i n g he tells you to do.

in general, one look is enough - and you already do as he says.

he forgot his son because he didn't keep track.

he wears baggy pants because he's got a d...

got a scar on his lips [can't deny it looks hot] because of his fucked-up family.

became insane because of his family.

his hobbies are gambling, and he also doesn't get drunk - perfect for something.

nobara kugisaki aka the girl who is holding a hammer in her bag

cute girl at first sight.

the only girl in the company of yuji and megumi.

taking the last two with her on shopping trips as slaves to carry her bags.

by the way, they pay for her clothes.

don't argue with her, because nobara will change anyone's mind.

but inside, she's a warrior girl.

she carries a hammer in her bag, so don't you dare lift her skirt.

like nanami, she's always on style.

needs a psychiatrist for she is clearly ready to kill any curse in a radius of 50 km if the curse interferes with her shopping.

maki zenin aka she hits you from the turntable without the damned energy.

without her glasses she can't tell a person from a garbage bag.

she will hit you without using the cursed energy.

doesn't deserve to be hated by her family.

wants to be strong and independent.

she has a panda friend.

wants nothing more than to take care of her loved ones.

you have two choices: fear her or love her <3

aoi todo aka takada's most loyal fan

a devoted bts and k-pop fan.

knows all the songs of blackpink.

fanboy to the marrow.

the same dude who idealizes/imagines his ideal world before going to sleep.

if you mention takada chan in a conversation there's no stopping him.

best friend, in fact.

for yuji and takada chan will kill anyone

if you want to be friends with him, you have to know his dream ideal.

don't be afraid to add information about them/add more characters.

[i know todo doesn't know bts and k-pop it's just a joke and a lot of my humor, just so you understand what they are]

kudos and reblogs are welcome <3

[peralta-guaranteed]

hc’s of mac and maya & both sets of grandparents and maybe their different “parenting style” i can see karen and roger being more laid back than camila and victor

I think you've forgotten the third set of grandparents! :D

Karen & Roger

- Karen is extremely supportive of Jake and especially Amy's parenting, trying not to do anything they wouldn't do, but she also can't help spoiling her only grandchildren!! Especially if they show interest in things she loves, such as art, she'll always go the extra length to encourage them and buys them crafting material and takes them to exhibitions (most of them age appropriate). She's also the main babysitter because she always offers and they know that despite her chaotic ways, they can definitely depend on her. (Although Jake has had to lay some ground rules to prevent things he remembers from his childhood, like way too much TV) She loves being the quintessential grandma, baking cookies with them and teaching them how to cook, sew, etc. She also teaches them a lot about judaism and jewish culture, just so they know about their heritage, and Amy loves it and sometimes asks for a little lesson herself.

- (and damn it's hard for me to write anything positive about Roger, but I will try) Roger is being very, very careful with Mac&Maya. He's been given a clear ultimatum by Jake before Mac was even born - mess up and you're out. Doesn't matter if you still live with Mom, doesn't matter if you apologise. The kids are gonna know you as Pops, because you haven't earned Grandpa yet, and you can lose Pops just as quickly and become Roger, is that clear? And so he tries to be as kind and unproblematic as possible. He wouldn't dare tell Jake or Amy how to parent their kids, and he also doesn't dare overspoiling them or being too crazy with them for fear of 'messing up' with it. But he'll join in with the games when Karen is babysitting, and he's even proven that he can change diapers and do bathtime and feed them well enough, because he did do that with Jake too, the whole abandonment thing came a few years later (which Jake is still waiting for with baited breath with Mac&Maya, but luckily it never comes)

Camila & Victor

- Camila is a great mom, in the end, and a great grandma, and she's also got the most experience under her belt what with 8 kids and even more grandchildren, so Jake + Amy do turn to her with questions sometimes. But she's also the one who will push her opinion on them the most, and Mac&Maya live by her rules if they are at her house, which makes for some troubles whenever they get back home (they do end up being a lot more orderly and clean though after a stay at abuela's, Jake has to admit). She's also the one who will encourage them the most in their academic life, helping teach them letters and numbers long before kindergarten ever covers that, training them in Spanish so they become fluent, etc. Amy only ever steps in when she notices it's going into too much of a pressure thing that she remembers too well, but luckily it's much softer than it was with her. The one time Camila tried to stage a kind of competition between all the cousins, Amy positively lost her shit at her for the first time in her life, aided by her brother Matteo who doesn't even have kids yet. She also makes sure that they learn about Cuban culture and their family's roots, much like Karen does with her Jewish background, and is very proud of Jake who's still learning Spanish for them (and with them, basically) and has definitely asked Amy to explain all the things they talk about whenever they come home from abuela und abuelo.

- Victor is the most reserved of all the grandparents, but he does love them dearly. He had to get used to them looking so much like Jake (most of the Santiago g-kids ended up looking like... well, Santiagos), but he's absolutely in love with Maya's curly head and her bright eyes and generally, just Maya. She's only his second granddaughter (the Santiabro genes are strong), and she's his little girl's little girl, and he did maybe cry a little bit the first time he held her just hours after she was born. But he loves Mac just as much, and there's so much of his Amy in both of them, and he really enjoys replaying the same things he played with her when she was little. He bought both of them little pendants from a Cuban jeweller for their birth (which made Amy cry quite a bit), and has sworn to protect them from absolutely anything that could endanger them. And he's insanely proud whenever they accomplish a new milestone that Amy tells him about - he's sure at least one of them, if not both, is going to become a brilliant doctor, or something equally important.

Holt & Kevin

- it took Holt a few years to come to term with the idea that he does kind of think of Jake as a son, but it took him literally 5 seconds after being handed newborn Mac to realise he's a grandpa now and that's never going to change. He's still aloof and socially cold as he always is, but he definitely softens around Mac&Maya, and has done more than enough research to know how to talk to children of all ages now so he doesn't confuse them or scare them somehow. He doesn't, however, let them get away with anything their dad got away with for way too long. They behave during visits at the precinct mostly only because they know Grampa Holt is there. And they certainly know how to behave at his house whenever they're over for babysitting or just a visit. But there is also a very clearly defined play area for them, both in the living room and the garden, and he bought a swing set for them as soon as Mac was old enough, and he's got a whiteboard and grade school teacher's books as soon as Amy mentioned that they're looking for a tutor for them...

- Kevin never wanted kids, or a bigger family than just Raymond and Cheddar. But then Mac and especially Maya showed up. He likes having Mac over for babysitting, he has to admit that, and he became quite enarmoured with the little boy that looks so much like the detective he used to hate and has grown strangely fond of through their many adventures together. He even told him bedtime stories about those adventures sometimes. (And when he starts being interested in greek mythology as a pre-teen, he's over the moon and joins in Holt's tutoring immediately to make sure he gets the right information from the start) But then Maya came along, and something just clicked. No one knows why, or how, least of all he himself, but Kevin and Maya are a thing. They connected from the get-go in ways no one else ever understood. He also pushes Holt to be a bit more open and less strict with them, arguing that he should 'let loose' with his grandchildren a bit more than he would with his kids Amy+Jake. His husband is never going to turn into the 'fun grandpa' by any means, but he can definitely make some hilarious memories with them that that neither Santiago nor Peralta would really believe if they weren't shown photographic proof once in a while.

[saiyuki]

Paradox Live Voice Drama - Double Trouble (ENG TL)

from the Shuffle Team Show Vol.2 album.

please do NOT repost/rework. sharing the permalink to this post or reblogging is OK.

a head's up: this is not a literal/1:1 TL. i wanted to keep the nuance/tone of speech intact, so i had to adjust the wording of some parts. feel free to PM me to discuss or to let me know if i interpreted some lines incorrectly! i have also included some endnotes, please be sure to read them!

listen to the drama track on spotify.

enjoy!

Timestamp 00:00

Iori: Ah... there we go. That's one decent song done. ...wait, huh.

Yohei: Mm? What's up?

Iori: Damn, I forgot my cigarettes.

Yohei: Mm.

Iori: Oh, thanks. Lend me a lighter too, won't you?

Yohei: Fine. Here you go.

Iori: Thought I'd take the time to chat, planned to bring the paper-rolled cigs, but I left them at the front door back home.

Timestamp 00:53

Iori: You smoke strong, 'keep[1].

Yohei: Don't want a regular smoker telling me that.

Iori: Oh, and make me something high-spirited[2], won't you?

Yohei: What a brazen guy.

Iori: It's no big deal, is it? I've come all the way here to your shop. Yeah? Master!

Yohei: You've got quite the nerve.

Iori: Says you, but you still make it for me anyway. Typical you, barkeep.

Yohei: Oh, shut up.

Timestamp 01:38

Yohei: Here you go. Gimlet's fine for you, right?

Iori: Just as I expected from you. What're you drinking yourself?

Yohei: Scotch for me.

Iori: 's nice. Now... cheers.

Yohei: Yeah.

Iori: Kuuuh~ yeah, this is it. You really know me well, barkeep!

Yohei: Heh. Back then I thought we'd never understand each other though.

Iori: Aah, that was, you know, back then when we just teamed up and messed up this and that.

Timestamp 02:25

Yohei: Goddamnit! That was your fault that we only narrowly got away from paying the settlement money! ...Oi, you listening!?

Iori: Shut it.

Yohei: Feel sorry a little! All that after the old man's trusted us with debt collection! Going that far towards a fellow folk[3], is that normal!?

Iori: Would've gone just fine if you didn't keep racketing around.

Yohei: What'd you say?! You've got guts saying that after bumping off your own folk.

Iori: Those who take advantage of their family's money ain't 'folk', they're nothing more than petty thieves. Guys who break family rules, you catch them and teach them a lesson. What's wrong with that?

Yohei: That's not something you get to decide! The old man's said you've crossed the line, have you forgotten already!?

Iori: Don't rile me up. No complaints if that kind of guy gets offed, right?

Yohei: Huh? You bastard, you want to go against the old man's words?

Iori: Don't misunderstand. I'm giving my all for him.

Yohei: Thenー!

Iori: That's why I'm not letting him off. Those who cause harm for the old man, they gotta make up for it with their lives.

Yohei: 'Their lives', you say...!

Iori: What about it? You're not ready for that? Heh. Coward.

Yohei: Don't fuck with me!

Iori: Let go of me.

Yohei: Don't you act all conceited and smug.

Iori: Huh?

Yohei: Underlings who act on their own against the boss' orders are just a pain in the ass.

Iori: What do you know? You're just a new brat who can't move unless ordered, don't say shit.

Yohei: You ass, you're my age!

Iori: I'm not on your level. I've come this far on my own... unlike you. Yohei: Aah? Like I care, you can't even properly do a little brat's errand! Which one of us is the brat now!?

Iori: Who do you think you're talking to? Don't get cocky.

Yohei: Guh... what are youー!?

Iori: Nothing else to do but teach the brat who doesn't listen a lesson to his body.

Yohei: ...fine. First time I feel like taking you up on your offer! What was the old man thinking teaming me up with this kind of gー

Iori: Good for you, huh? If it werent for his orders I would've finished you off a long while ago!

Yohei: Go ahead and try, then.

Iori: I'll make you regret saying that to death!

Timestamp 05:35

Iori: ...then we got busted having fought by our beat-up face and got beaten up again by the old man, didnt we?

Yohei: Heh. We did, yeah.

Iori: All's but a fond memory now. And, barkeep, to think you've all mellowed out like this!

Yohei: You're in no place to talk. You too, you've changed quite a bit since back then, you know? Iori.

Iori: ...heh. Just saying that... something like that happened.

Yohei: ...yeah.

Iori: Well! Now that we've crossed paths again, we can take our time tonight talking about the old days, can't we?

Yohei: You're right. Your glass' empty - still drinking more, right?

Iori: Then I'll accept your kind offer... let's drink the night away, then? With the tales of our bravery as a snack.

Yohei: Heh, you're kidding.

Fin.

NOTES:

[1] I translated 旦那 danna as 'barkeep' in this TL. It is also possible go with 'mister' or 'boss', for example, but all things considered, I personally think 'barkeep' suits better.

[2] High-spirited, originally ご機嫌 Gokigen, a pun on Iori's MC Twitter username. (My bad, just realized I forgot to edit this part before posting orz)

[3] 身内 miuchi, referring to people who are part of the same organization/gang - both Iori and Yohei speak in a rough manner, so I think 'folk' would fit better than, say 'family member' or 'group member'.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

TLDR I unlocked (and actually tested) a new kink - pillow humping 🎀 👑 nsfw/tmi incoming:

okay so the last like two weeks I have been Really Riled Up All The Time for no specific reason my fave blogs are currently in super horny mode and I was just really needing something diff…i don’t have any toys but i DO love a good bit of d/s & feminisation in a fic and then i discovered ✨ pillow humping ✨ in a couple fics and THEN i saw a tiktok about all the diff things fem-presenting people had as their “thing” when they were kids (pillows, couches, rocking chairs, side of the sofa, bed poles, stair railings all kinds of shit) and i was just like “holy shit i have to try this”

ANYWAY this morning i woke up to a completely empty house for the first time in about four months (i still live at home and it’s been lockdown + school holidays) and read a couple fics (were any of them yours? you’ll never know 😏 🤐) and they helped but i really needed sound, like a voice like I NEEDED someone belittling me and telling me how much of a slut I was for wanting this (the idea of being caught by my SO/dom and then having them say “oh no, you were doing just fine without me” and basically commentating, gassing me up but also humiliating me FUCK) so i put some p0rn for the first time in like a year and half maybe two and…..lemme just say 🥵🥵🥵

the girls(/gays/theys) that get it? ✨ G E T IT ✨

(anyway I just wanted to share & you’ve made this such a safe space & also my fucked up brain afterwards thought “I wonder what S would’ve done if they’d found you” SORRY I really hope that doesn’t make you uncomfy AND, since we all know just how hot you are & that you’re a massive flirt- on the off chance you EVER felt compelled to do any voice work or the like… well, you know where to find me 😵‍💫😵‍💫)

- 🥺 xx

Oooh I am very excited for you to have experimented with your kinks! That's fun and exciting!

Especially when the kink is pillow humping. Yes yes yes. Pillow humping is so good. V hot for sure.

Damn damn damn I'm glad you had your alone time and had a damn good time with said time! It definitely sounds like a success story for this new kink. Or new kinks it sounds like- you've got pillow humping, exhibitionism, humiliation, and feminization all wrapped up in there along with dom/sub power dynamics.

👏 Good 👏 for 👏 you 👏 baby 👏

You go! Get that good solo-session in!

Also porn and erotic 15/10, sounds like you got really into it (and hey, sweetheart, maybe it's time to look into some toys... could be fun 😏)

Haha I love that for you, I'm not uncomfortable about that I'm more flattered than anything 😘 also, I love that this does feel like a safe space! That's how I want it to be! AND I will tell you... I have thought about doing voice work. I just don't have the time/space to do that right now. I've definitely also thought about turning parts of my fics into podfics but it just hasn't happened lol.

[drivingbatty]

― rory keaner fluff alphabet

i know this is sorta random but what can I say? I love this batty boi💗. I'll probably be doing this with everyone else too! gifs by @bodhirookes

➥

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

One thing that is certain about Rory is that he’s not the best at saying “no”. So he’s up for whatever you are! Even though he can get a bit antsy he won’t mind spending a quiet day with you and he won’t mind running around town causing mayhem. He’s very neutral is what I’m saying. If he had to pick a favorite though, he loves it when you let him take you flying! He thinks it romantic.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He admires your kindness and patience. Most people (aside from the Gang) would immediately snap at him for bothering them or asking a ”dumb question” but you answer them without much hesitation or annoyance. And he loves you for that

If we're talking physically, he absolutely loves your smile. Just knowing that his favorite person in the whole world is happy makes him 10x as happy! And he makes sure to let you know that. When you’re sad he’ll poke your face or do something stupid to get you to smile.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He's not the best with words so he'll try to cheer you up the best can. Just tell him what you need, and he’s got you. Snacks? He’s already back in 5 seconds with your favorites. More tissues? Bam, he’s brought you a baker’s dozen of boxes because he didn’t know what brand to get. Cuddles? Hell yeah!

 D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

He doesn't have any plans, he just hopes that you two will be together until the day you die. Rory’s an “in the moment” thinker and he plans on being in this teenage honeymoon stage forever. He might turn you though, but only if you're okay with it.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

He likes to believe he's the man in the relationship as most teen boys would, but he's hella soft and if you so much as look disapprovingly at him he'll shut up pretty quickly. So yeah, he's pretty passive.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Rory is not very good at holding grudges. So he's very quick to forgive you whenever you have a disagreement, which rarely happens since he's pretty hard to upset. If things ever somehow managed to escalate he'd stay quiet until your done talking to apologize and change the subject. He really hates arguing and wants it to be over as soon as possible.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He thinks about how lucky he is everyday and will never take anything for granted. He's not used to receiving attention (physical or otherwise) so he'll dwell on even the smallest things forever. He just can't believe that you are interested in him.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

He might hide his vampire-ism for awhile due to Ethan and Benny, since apparently not everyone finds being with an undead creature of the night appealing. Aside from that he's an open book! He has a tendency to ramble so there will be virtually no secrets between you two.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Congrats, you've just made him even more clingy! Now he's physically incapable of being alone for too long and will seek you out because he misses you :( even if its been like 10 minutes

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Rory doesn't get jealous due to his issues with social cues so he won't overthink any interactions you and someone else may be having. But on the off chance that he does get jealous he'll just get really pouty and try to drag you to do something else.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Rory is pretty inexperienced in the smooching department but he tries his best. His kisses are kinda stiff at first but the more comfortable he gets the warmer they are and the more he seeks them out. Surprise kisses are his personal favorite. He also loves doing the exaggerated 'mwah' sound too, the goof.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Being the wannabe Casanova he is, I feel like he asked you out a million times before you actually said yes. The time you said yes he actually tried to ditch the pick up lines and be sincere about it. I mean, how could you say no that face?

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Eh, he's thought about it. Again he's never really been known to think ahead so it probably doesn't cross his mind all too often. But if he was asked he'd most likely say yes since "That's what people usually do, right?"

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Literally every single one in the book. He's also pretty creative if "spice angel" and "blonde hottie mclovely" is anything to go off of. So you have an endless supply of petnames coming your way. His favorites are probably sweetcheeks, angel face, gum drop, fruit cake, and ragamuffin. He's very corny.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

You're all he will talk about. Ethan and Benny will be tired of it pretty soon. He'll also become more susceptible to his floating quirk whenever you so much as look at him. His head's in the clouds and his heart is full. Impressing you will become a main priority and he will not leave you alone. He's basically a lovesick puppy that follows you around.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Rory is very upfront about it. He's always bragging about you to everyone in the vicinity and he will be damned if someone won't hear about you atleast 5 times that day. He wants people to be jealous. And they should be! He gets to date you and they can't! The poor fools.

As for physical attention, he might be kinda shy to it at first. He's a teen boy and while things like that are exciting, he's also scared of embarrassing himself. So he mostly held your hand everywhere and refused to let go. But once he gets comfortable expect everything to be going your way. Pecks on the mouth, cheek, hugging, hand holding, the whole works! Though he won't do anything to risque like making out or anything.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Oddly enough, Rory is pretty good at reading your face. Or maybe he just worries about you alot. All you know is that any minute that you're not beaming with joy he's already asking what's wrong and if he can help. He just really doesn't want to see you upset so he'll make sure to check up on you when he can.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

All Rory knows about romance are loads of cliches he's seen. He use to play up how bad alot of them were before he was with you, but now? Ho boy, they are his only language. Getting you gifts, saying weird lines, attempting to get dressed up for dates, and getting flowers (he'll do this no matter what gender you are and you can't tell me otherwise). Though he fumbles in the "smooth" part of the romantic gestures, he's really trying.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He believes in you so much its insane! He's literally your biggest fan when it comes to anything.

"You got a test coming up and you're worried about passing? There's no need, babe! You're a genius!"

"You're doing a certain extra curricular or club? Everyone is gonna be jealous of your greatnes. They can't compete!"

Hell, he'll even encourage you in things that sound absolutely terrible.

"Wanna try and eat 5 whole tacos in 1 minute? I'll go set the timer!"

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Being with him is honestly a series of surprises. You never know what you're in for whenever you two meet up. Sometimes you might even get pulled into whatever The Gang™️ want to solve. But you guys have one routine of always having a movie night on Fridays. Cuddling and snack binging ensue.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Even though he's scatter-brained he actually has a pretty great memory, especially when it comes to you. He notices a lot of your ticks due to almost always being around you somehow.

Rory doesn't always get social cues, so some things may fly over his head. But once he understands the situation he totally has your back.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Rory doesn't have . . . a lot of priorities. He has his friends, his mom, and virtually nothing else. So you're pretty high on his list of important things! If he could, he would most likely die for you (although possibly by accident).

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He always visits you in the morning. Since vampires don't need to sleep he's usually already there before you wake up. And he'll be super annoying while trying to wake you up too. Then after you get ready you both go to school together, either by flight or just walking.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Definitely! As I said before, PDA isn't a big problem for him and he's still just as affectionate in private. I'd have to say he prefers kissing but he's honestly up to anything when it comes to you.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He can do pretty fine on his own at first, but he gets pretty bummed after a while. But like, its not like he can't see you. This man got all the way to FLORIDA I doubt he'll let a little bit of distance get in the way of you two.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Again, he would die for you. He'd even commit a felony for you if he had to! Honestly you might need to teach him that he has a choice and that he doesn't have to do everything for you.

🦇

[kanesthirstblog]

NSFW ALPHABET: ABE HARUAKI

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Requires lots of aftercare but also wants to take care of you. Very clingly, like, will latch onto you and cuddle you for the rest of the night clingy. You should probably give him some reassurance or comfort, he seems like the type to stress about whether or not he was any good to you once the fun is over.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Hmmm... Totally the sappy kinda guy who tells you he loves all of your body and thinks it's beautiful and 100% means every praise he sings you about it. He loves everything about you from your soft hair to the tips of your toes.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

God. Just imagining him sprawled out on any surface with an exhausted yet dopey look in his eyes, covered in his own cum (and/or yours of course!) after a few rounds of sex really makes me feel satisfied. Really can't explain this one

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Secretly a bit of a masochist but also scared of being hurt so he never asks even if he really wants to.

Also secretly owns a couple erotic novels he used as "research" when you first brought up wanting a sexual relationship. Since you are his first, he would want to see how he's supposed to act in that scenenrio so he could please you properly. (But damn was he shocked when you wanted to be the dominant one. That wasn't in his books.) Haruaki learns the importance of communication that day.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Dudes a canon virgin y'all. This also excites me.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Secretly loves it when he's on his back so he can see your face as you ride him or peg him. He just thinks you're the prettiest person he's evermet and loves watching you even as you tease or toy with him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's a sappy guy. Would probably look at you like a puppy who sees someone they really love. Besides that he's have that dopey look like he's never been happier than he is in that moment, smiling up at you.

Once you've had sex a couple times he might start opening up more, cracking jokes and asking shy requests from you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Yup. Makes sure he's nice and clean especially

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He really tries hard to be romantic but he has 0 experience in this area and often fumbles his way through it by trying to be sweet and make you feel good. Very bad at saying romantic things and would probably give up after a bit before he dies from embarassment.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Tbh I actually think he'd barely masturbate if he did at all. This is partly because I actually have an asexual headcanon for him and partly cause in canon he seems really put off by sexual things if not being outright afraid of them.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Contrary to some of the fandom headcanons, I don't really imagine the sailor uniform thing as a kink. It just seems like a typical fixation or something that gets played up for laughs to a strange degree. But maybe thats my ADHD dumbass brain projecting my ADHD onto a fave. (Off topic but him knowing everything about sailor uniforms, from design to creation, being able to make them himself, getting happy any time he sees one, ect. Are headcanons I have because his weird fixation with them reminds me of my fixation on rocks, mushrooms, and jewelry.)

HOWEVER

Praise kink. Body worship. He'd love to be pet gently while you tell him how pretty he is. How you love his soft hair or his long legs or slender form as you lightly trail you fingertips down his body or card fingers through his hair. And he would do the same for you too.

Might at least try pegging, and then realizes he actually likes it when you hold him down and pound his ass.

Would be too embarrassed and a bit scared to bring this up but actually likes the idea being treated roughly. If you could pull at his hair and bite him even a little bit he'd practically melt in your hands.

Might try bondage if it's light. Soft hand cuffs or silk ropes are the way to go.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

At home. Anywhere is fine as long as its at home

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

The fastest way is probably being physical with him or just stripping for him. He gets embarassed and tries to hide but you know he's aroused, you can feel it when you sit on his lap.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He'd probably not be okay with having more than one partner. You might frighten him if he starts feeling like you guys are ganging up on him.

Public/semi-public sex is a no go. Especially since he is a teacher, he wouldn't risk his job on the off chance you both get caught.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

I think he actually might no be very into oral at first. But will give or recieve though you may have to hear some complaint about it being kind of unsanitary or something. He's also kinda bad a giving oral but what did you expect? He's a virgin.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Personally prefers the slow and sensual kinda sex but you set the pace regardless so ultimately it's up to you. He won't be turned into a stuttering mess right away if you guys take it slow.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Alright with it as long as it stays private. You'll be the only one asking for these but try to get him in the morning before he leaves for work so you can corner him against a counter. Its best when his back is turned so you can grab his hair and lick along his throat, nipping here and there. He'd shiver in your arms as you trail a hand down to undo his pants

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

As long as it isn't a risk to him (would probably be too scared to try knifeplay) or job (no public/semi-public sex) you could probably talk him into it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Hmmm... Depends I guess. I feel like he might only be active for a round or maybe 2 before he starts slowing down. You could still pound the guy into the mattress but he'll have those half lidded doe eyes cloudy with exhaustion. He'd wrap his arms around you loosely as if you'll help ground him to the waking world and try to hold you closer to him.

At that point you should definitely ask a few times before you start another round to make sure he's okay and reassure him that it's alright to stop now. Strikes me as someone who could easily fall into a place where he'd hide his desire to stop just so you can use him for your own fun since it makes you happy. That could be kinda bad for his mental health.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

You'd be the one with all the toys tbh. But you can sure as hell use them on him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He's not much of a tease but if he's feeling playful, he might play up the innocent look of his. He really is a pretty innocent guy actually, but he knows you love that sweet look he's got to him and he will use it on you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

So damn loud. This guy would moan and beg loudly, scream your name and plead for mercy, for relief as you all but eat him alive. Might even cry and whine and beg. Oh, but he tries to be quiet so he doesn't risk disturbing anyone. He'd purse his lips and turn away from you while you play with his body in an attempt to stay quiet but he always gives in quickly. It's easy to turn this guy into a whimpering, begging mess no matter how many times you do this.

You'll know when he's tired because he will be unable to make much noise besides low pants and gasps. Probably best to wrap things up at that point before ya fuck him unconcious.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

I have a few actually.

-Has a hard time saying no to you. He's a bit cowardly and overthinks and he would be afraid to lose a first relationship. This is potentially hazardous to his mental health because he might say "yes" to something he doesn't want for fear of losing you. Consent is important though so even if it's difficult at first, keep checking to make sure he's alright.

-I actually headcanon him as a sex indifferent asexual. He can 100% live with sex or without it. Doesn't matter to him, though he's terrified of trying it for the first time.

-The first time you tried to get him in bed, you pinned him to a wall and he was terrified because he thought you were trying to shake him down or harass him. (Well, the latter part was true but not the way he expected.) And then you kissed him and he straight up broke, wrapped himself in blankets and hid under the futon for the rest of the day. Disappointing? Sure, but damn was it cute.

-I'm actually caught up on how he would take to dirty talk tbh since a lot of it I've seen or heard involves some form or another of calling your partner a slut or whatever. Seems to be popular. On one hand if he's secretly a masochist, he might be into it. But on the other, he also seems like he might take anything you say to him to heart and beat himself up over it and would ultimately not like it. Also probably would not be comfortable if he did the dirty talking and assuming he manages to make it through the night without apologizing to you for everything he says, then you'll hear it when you finish.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Mandragora patterned briefs. You cannot change my mind on this one.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Not very, so he's pretty chill about it.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends on how much you exhausted him but it usually doesn't take that long.

Bonus:

Some more cute Haruaki.

[negotiumcrucis]

ao3 Tag Game

I was tagged by @snipergirl21 and @instantpeach ~ thank you both! <3 <3 <3

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1. How many works do you have on ao3?

I currently have 38 works on my ao3 ~ but I do have 79 stories in my old FFNET account (mostly Harry Potter fics, tho) and about 15 stories in my LiveJournal, but some of them are posted on more than one place, so there's some overlap here. I'd say I have about 100 fics published at the moment.

2. What is your total ao3 word count?

Over 250k only on ao3 and half of that was written in this year alone, so I can say more than half of that number is just TOG fics, lol.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Oh, sweet baby Jesus. Only on ao3, I have stories for The Old Guard (movie and comics), La Casa de Papel, Teen Wolf, Inception, Supernatural, Death Note, X-Men (comics), Inglourious Basterds, The Walking Dead and Star Trek (TOS). But I also have written tons of Harry Potter (in Portuguese), some Final Fantasy 7, Star Trek (2009), Watchmen, Edgar Allan Poe (it's about detective Dupin, mind you), Glee, Heroes, Saint Seiya and Bakuretsu Hunters. Yeah, I know. I'm all over the place.

4. What are your Top 5 fics by kudos?

lol, my most read fics on ao3 are all TOG fics, except for the 1st place, which frankly will probably change in a few months, since that fic has been up for a decade and my TOG works are brand new and full of possibilities. :D

1) Sometimes (I think I can dream) – it’s a Daryl/Glenn (TWD) I wrote back in 2011. It’s the only fic I wrote for that fandom, but I’m so damn proud of it. 18k words of porn and the best first kiss I have written.

2) Wistful is the rain – Joe/Nicky omegaverse and my pride and joy. It has some actual plot and world-building and it was also the first time I ever managed to finish writing a story while I was publishing it.

3) birth among the ruins – my very first omegaverse, which I wrote mostly out of spite and ended up liking a lot, cause life is that funny. I loved playing with the religious themes here and the fic is quite good.

4) the stiff heart – my BigBang fic, which took me months to write because I did so much research for it. It's my love letter to Yusuf, my beloved, and beautifully illustrated by the super talented @eiseul.

5) A potter’s field – my debut fic for TOG, only 1K and done in a couple of hours after I joined the top!Joe server. I started to write quite late for this fandom, but boy did I start with a bang.

5. Do you always respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do. It can take me literal years, but I always catch up with comments. I do appreciate every single feedback I ever got in my life, and I have replied to all of them. So, if I haven’t replied to you yet, don’t worry, I will get there.

6. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm, I wrote a lot of Angst™ back in the day. My most read Harry Potter fic is an angst fest, but since I started to write in English, I had dialled it down, possibly because as I got older I also became less... edgy. I mean, I still write tons of angst, but I tend to stick with happy endings whenever I can. On ao3, my angstier fics are probably Rust (Death Note) and Heroes for Ghosts (Inglourious Basterds), but the angst ending is only because I followed the canon. For TOG, most of my fics have some angst, but everything works out in the end.

7. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

Not really, no. I do read them, tho.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

In TOG I had to deal with a couple of smartasses who think they're fighting racism by sticking a dick up Joe’s ass, but outright hate? No, I can’t say that I have (and I know I'm one of the lucky ones). For Harry Potter on the other hand, oh boy, I have had entire fics deleted from FFNET because I wrote *gasp* g a y p o r n. The early 2000s were WILD, y'all.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

The very first fic I wrote in my life was a PWP and on ao3 most of my fics are rated E or M. Out of the 38 works I have posted there, 22 have the tag “Porn with Feelings” and I promise you I don't tag it lightly.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not my own fic, but I had translations stolen more than once.

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have done it for Harry Potter and had a blast. I love it because it's about writing and editing so it doesn't end up like each part/chapter is written by a completely different person, it has to have some unity and that's hard, but it can be very rewarding. More recently I have co-written a JoeNicky omegaverse with the amazing @quincette: it’s called Youthful Indiscretions and it was the most fantastic experience ever and I can't wait to do it again.

12. What’s your all time favorite ship?

The fuck is this question? Ugh, okay. My favourite ship is usually my current ship because it’s where I’m invested at the moment, but well. The ship I have written the largest number of fics for is Sirius/Remus (Harry Potter), but I’d say that Joe/Nicky is probably getting close in word count by now. I can see myself being a JoeNicky fan for the rest of my life, because this couple has everything that I love, it has enemies to lovers, being very horny for one another, they're interracial and interfaith, it has found family and they're c a n o n and cannot be killed.

13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Bakuretsu Hunters (Sorcerer Hunters), a manga/anime from the 1990s. I was 17 going 18 when I wrote 2,4k words of porn about Gateau/Marron. It was the only fic I wrote for that ship, tho.

14. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

The fuck is this question again??? Ugh, I am gonna stick with my fics written in English, so I'd say it’s currently a tie between Wistful is the rain (TOG), Sometimes (I think I can dream) (TWD) and Rapid Eye Movement (Inception, mind you this fic is still a wip on ao3, but it’s complete in my LJ. I will get around in bringing all my English fics to ao3… someday). They're stories that took me months to write, all canonverse and I got amazing feedback regarding the character's voices, which for me is the most important thing when writing fanfic, tbh, so I'm just really proud of them. Plus, they're stories I wrote in my second language, which I learned by myself, by reading other people's fics, so for me, it's a great achievement in itself.

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God, this took me a while, but it was so fun! :)

Now, I'm not sure who has been tagged in this already, but here we go: @quincette @moonlettuce @whoreschach @lisea18 @ignisentis @sal-si-puedes @boulangerlee @mother-of-hedgehogs ... and, well, anyone who feels like doing this should do it (and you can blame me if you want to).