#fuuuuuuuuuck i don't know what to do

[knifefightandchill]

when you get an email about a 15% discount on dvds you've been wanting for over a decade and you just

[confetti-critter]

The night is young and I am free to do whatever my heart desires but unfortunately I have once again found myself trapped in the Time Prison and so I

[002yb]

Just saying

✨️Rockstar!Dick✨️ and ⚡️bodyguard!Jason⚡️

Slade having his own security company

Takes point with Dick as needed because Wayne Entertainment pays the prettiest penny (and lbr Slade is begrudingly charmed by Dick - the punkass fucker)

Scheduling conflict leaves Slade unable to partake as Dick's security detail; can't skip on current job, but won't pass on offered job, either

Reluctant and resigned to put his best underling on the job, but desperate times call for desperate measures: Jason

Specifically smaller!Jason. Who still had a rough upbringing on the streets and is a bit stunted for it.

Slade making the introduction

Dick immediately refusing

Jason bristling because fuck you

Meanwhile Dick's band/entourage/what-have-you cackles in the background because 1) Jason is petite and 2) there's no way Dick isn't going to try and fuck him

Dick is aware of this. So is Slade. Hence Slade's aforementioned reluctance and resignation. Jason is someone he trusts and has confidence in though. There are no safer hands for Dick to be in.

Meanwhile Jason is oblivious, thinking he's being refuted because of his stature.

'You will not fuck him.'

Jason startling because what the hell? Of course he won't fuck the client what even - only to realize that Slade is leveling with Dick, their client. Jason's flabbergasted. Absolutely floored because obviously Dick won't want to fuck him and -

Dick with his hands raised, smile cheeky as he laughs under his breath, shameless although he's been caught out, 'No promises.'

And Jason keeps his composure because professionalism, but he's also flustered because for fuck's sake, if only Slade or Dick knew that Jason has crushed on Dick from the start of his career; Jason would bend over for him right then and there fuuuuuuuuuck

Yeah, that's right. None of this 'never heard of you' nonsense. No 'I don't think you're all that good; prove me wrong,' plot line here. Just Jason trying to be a professional and Dick tormenting him throughout because Dick isn't a fool - he knows; he's no stranger to attraction.

They do keep it professional though hahaha. Flirting aside, it's just playful banter and fun. A slow burn where Jason plays bodyguard/caretaker/boyfriend.

Dick and the band/entourage/whatever being struck dumb when Jason lays down a threat that tries to charge Dick

Petiteness be damned, Jason is dangerous

And Dick is a client with nerves of steel, tbh. He really just watches unblinking in the face of oncoming disaster and Jason thinks it's weird af.

Dick claims it's because he's not worried; he has full confidence in Jason

Tbh though Dick can look after himself really well (has learned a lot from various people throughout his life, Slade included; thought about turning in the glitz and glam for law enforcement. Got relatively far with that, too, so. Security is more a precaution than anything; more eyes are better than just his, sometimes).

When Dick shares the above, Jason grimaces and complains that Dick has never been more unattractive, wanting to join ranks with pigs

Arguably Dick is already among pigs (music industry, entertainment as a whole)

Jason scoffs because Dick isn't wrong. WE arguably most ethical of the lot, but still lacking; he sees firsthand the workload put on Dick and it's infuriating

Anyway, bonding over Dick wanting to be a cop because why???

Dick open and honest that it's because of all the young people he encounters. Terrible life circumstances and he helps them with what he creates and being a distraction, but wants to do more than that; hates getting on stage knowing what he knows because he wants to help all these people who help him

Jason scowling because damn, there Dick goes becoming all attractive again

Jason admitting that he was actually a social worker before Slade picked him up

Which. What? Really?

Jason brushes Dick's interest off. It was a short lived career. Jason didn't even make it a quarter of a year before he was let go of for being 'too combative.'

'That's part of your charm.' Dick teases him and Jason scoffs, rolling his eyes and looking away, cheeks flushed

Caretaker!Bodyguard!Jason

This has it's own little section because just like. Jason can't do anything about Dick's schedule, obviously. It drives him up a wall how Dick is run into the ground though.

What's more infuriating is that it's partly by choice that Dick does it. Those extra things Dick tacks into his day are so wholesomely good though that Jason can't protest.

Just Dick doing make-a-wish type things; taking time to meet and greet, charity events, etc.

Depending on when Dick has ten free minutes, he'll nap

Jason's shoulder and lap become designated pillows for said naps

Jason allows it if only because he sees Dick putting in all the work

Also - Jason chasing after Dick with food and snacks because when Dick gets going he stays going and get some fucking calories in omfg drink water or Jason will funnel it down his throat so help him

Unrelated notes:

Bodyguard!Jason who also writes poetry

He keeps it in a tiny book and doesn't share because he thinks it's embarrassing

Dick adores it though

Dick writes little music notes over top of them - rough melodies

[void-lioness]

THE LEGEND OF VOX MACHINA SEASON 3: OR, WE ARE BACK, BABY!

Ooh, where to start, where. to. start.

Well, first, Rest in Heaven, Lance Reddick. You played one glorious bastard in Thordak.

Angry Keyleth, Angry Keyleth, Angry Keyleth!

(And I totally feel her about being ignored. It sucks.)

Vaxleth Kiss! Let's GOOOOOOO!

Oooh, riiiight.... the Aramenté

So Raishan is only with Thordak because he thought he would cure her..... and he lied.... just like a man.

Heeeeyyyyy, Vax has a plan..... a plan doomed to fail, but a plan!

oooh.... yea..... ya'll should not have gone in......

Vestige hunt!

Ank'Harel is beautiful. 10/10 would actually live there.

oooh, we get to hear another language! I wonder what it's called? Merqueti, maybe?

fuuuuuuuuuck, Ripley's back. And she bonded with Percy's demon...... This bitch is actually E. VIL.

It's sweet that Scanlan is actually trying with Kaylie, but BOY is it not going well.

So, how many of ya'll got gender envy from J'mon Sa Ord?

"AGh! My TIT!"

i feel bad for Keyleth, I really do. She almost had something and it was snuffed out.

I know you heathens watched that Perc'halia scene more than once. Don't deny it.

Damn, Percy really got caught in 4K.

Almost Pikelan moment?

Draconia is pretty, would NEVER live there, but it's pretty.

Dohla's cool. heh.

Hellfire is a pretty strong deterrent.

LIKE FIRE~.....HELLFIRE~

Sooo.....was Dohla butt-hurt lowkey?

Yup! She?.....They? (I'm going with they for Dohla)......WERE butt-hurt!

Dohla.....you do NOT piss off the GIANT FUCK-OFF ICE DRAGON!

NIIIIIIIIICE SHOT, VEX!

Aw, Percy and Vex talked things out.

Yeesh, talk about an actual Hellscape.

Well, that is it for the first three episodes of Season 3. WE ARE SO BACK, BABY!

[coolsosha]

Sosha VS Devildom/level 1

ⓘThis text was made only for fun and not intended to offend anyone other than fictional characters. Main character of this post, «Sosha» , is also a fictional character, the only thing he share with soshaaaa is name. Everything everyone says is made up by soshaaaa's mind.ⓘ

Symbols count: 7500±

Warnings: curse words, fictional characters insult other fictional characters, Sosha's humour.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Do you believe in Hell? No, you answer doesn't matter. Hell exist, and it's a lot different from how humans think it is. But let's keep it slow..

Its currently 21XX year. Humanity is enjoying it's life with various technologies like holograms or levitating cars. All those things already became like a norm, but the thing that doesn't...

With each year the more people say that they saw something.. magical? A lot of them are talking about some «demons». Someone thinks that they are «evil and awful» but some even say «beautiful and kind», yet no one seems to know the truth.. until...

Somewhere deep into the ground, maybe even deeper than the universe itself, in big, dark and court-like room.. strange glowing sigil appeared on the wooden floor. And at the same second, someone appeared and sigil stopped it's glow and slowly disappeared.

-AW AW AW AW AW FUUUUUUUUUCK WHY- WHA- WHOOWOWOWOOOoooooo

Visitor seemed like they are also shocked by their sudden..teleportation. They slowly got on their feet and began to intensively examine their surroundings until they were interrupted by loud and powerful voice.

-Ah, here is Sosha! Welcome to the Devildom! I am Diavolo and as a-

-VDJQIDKKA I didn't notice you man, ya scared me.

«Sosha» quickly turned towards the voice and pointedly put their hand to their chin, as if they were trying to show that they were actively listening to monologue of «Diavolo».

Diavolo were sitting at the giant and high table in front of a window. Because of table or room size, or maybe even something else, it seemed like Sosha was in a court, where next to Diavolo, there were also 8 another people sitting at giant table.

-Khm, As a king of Devildom(wa, king?), i can say that i am very pleased that you decided to agree on exchange program as a Human world exchange student, Sosha-

-What is ekschange program? Yall will exchange my soul for something cool?

-Haha, no, that's not like that(aw sad) actually..

Based on King's words, this person is Sosha, and he is new Human World student, who sighed the letter and agreed to complete one school year in Royal Academy of Diavolo(aka.RAD). For some reason, demon king wants to build connections with other words. But seems that Sosha doesn't like this idea as much as Dia is.

-Sooo, u are trying to commit friendship with everyone? That's kinda weird. Fella hoomans don't even know about ur existence.

-Well, ha-

-And won't Hooman Police start seeking me after i so suddenly evapu- evapera- evaaporated evaporation evaa- U get it i forgot the word.

-Haha! You are straightforward, and pretty clever(Sosha big brain)! Having you as exchange student wasn-

-Blah-Blah-Blah, Come on, redhead, give me normal explanation! I can't even get what ya saying if ya talking so long and pointless!

People on the table seems to like Sosha, however Black-haired person next to King weren't so happy with his behaviour..

-Ah, i think my dear friend Lucifer will explain it better. Sosha, this is Lucifer, Avatar of Pride.

-Which one?

-Its very nic- Me, i am Lucifer

-Aah, old one, got it!

Lucifer definitely wasn't very happy with being called «old one». However, other people at the table seems to like it. They all giggled, but as Avatar of Pride's face turned more annoyed, they immediately shut up their laugh. Even King himself tried to contain his emotions, seems like old guy is the daddy of this room.

-This time I'll let it slide, but don't think that you are allowed to call me like that, Human.

-Okey-dokie Old man

-Thank Diavolo that I can't punish you right now..

-Thanks, RedheadBigGuyAkaReverseJesus!

He looked at Diavolo. Seems not only Luci has nickname now.

-Haha, you welcome

-...*sigh* Lord Diavolo, why couldn't you choose someone.... less problematic?

Something tells me that Pride demon and Sosha wouldn't become friends in next... 70000 years.. Old man looked tired earlier, like if he was a single mother of 6, but now, it seems like poor guy have 7th kid now.

-Hmm, Lucifer, can i take it from now?

Person from the table seems to notice how annoyed Black-Haired demon is. Old Man looked at them and nodded. Person left the table and approached Sosha.

-Hello, i am Yuki, but everyone call me MC. You can also too!

Yuki, or «MC» looked different from another people on the table. They seemed so pure and innocent, like some sheep. They had almost white skin, a lot of fluffy pink-purple hair and were a little bit chubby. They tried to be friendly and extended their hand to Sosha, yet he decided to reject it.

-Why you look like a foot mat

-...What?

-What?

-Anyway, i will be keeping an eye on you now. If you will have any questions, you can ask me! And i will escort you to Purgatory Hall when we will end our.. introduction part.

-So u are my nanny now? Am i now being watched by a giant plush toy?

-You can say it like that..

-HEY BIG GUY, can i get another one? This one looks annoying and her... his.. theirs...

Sosha turned to Lord Diavolo, but looked at MC and asked them one very important question...

-Ar u Male? Female? Both? Neither? In between? Lobster? I will offend you soon, but i wanna do it right

-Umm.. In between i gues- Just use They/Them.

Sosha is talking to Diavolo again.

-Okaaaaay. REVERSE JESUS, can i get another one? This one looks annoying and their hair looks like cotton candy and i wanna eat it tho it would taste like shit probably!!!

Big guy decided to ignore that. MC grabbed some papers from big table and started reading something out loud. Something about exchange program details, but Sosha wasn't interested in all that.

-Blah blah blah, Cmoon do something, I don't care about details! I just got into hell and i will have to stand over here 300 years instead of swimming in lava and being eaten? Nu-huh, so stop with all those stuffy stuff and do something interesting!

-But you were the one wondering about details few minutes later..

-Yeah, but i just wanted to annoy ya, so that doesn't count, big guy!

MC were visibly annoyed, but they folded papers 2 times and put into their bag, hoping that Sosha will read that later. Other people on the table seemed pretty bored and were staring at new human as if he were the most interesting object in the room, they were surrounded with books and paperwork, like if they were doing homework that they doesn't want to.

Most of them was sitting at the phone, one was looking at mirror, another tried to quietly eat some snack, and other was sleeping. Since Diavolo, Luci and MC were busy with Sosha, these poor fellas could do whatever they wanted while the big shots weren't looking. But seemed that their time has come..

-So these are 7 rulers of hell and- (Blah blah blah!). Long story short, they are 7 sins and you need to remember their names.

-Yes thats better talk like that forever please

MC took deep breath and started introducing Seven rulers of hell.

-This one is Mammon, second born Avatar of Greed. He is the mo-

-Why ya dressed like some Jojo character bro, you look like you are, like, 15 or smth.

-What did ya said just now, human?!

-na, na, nothing, milk chocolate.

-Khm... This is Leviathan, third born Avatar of Envy...

-I bet my ass that you haven't touched a woman in last 340 years EXCLUDING THIS PINK FOOT MAT OVER HERE.

-H-hey actually i- (shut up, only i can place bets in here)...

-Satan, fourth born, Avatar of Wrath..

-Haha NEEEERD-(Shut it or i will break your skull) ok no problems don't punch me pleeeeeeease

-Asmodeus, fifth born, Avatar of Lus-

-Ooooh, cute uwu femboy, can i have ur number? *wink* ;³

-Hmm? Who is talking? Sorry hun, im way too stunning for paying attention to some bold and rude motherfucker who have so shame to say such awful things about other ones~*wink*♡

-i were overplayed by the only cool guy in this room, nooo...

-Beelzebub and Belphegor, sixth and seventh borns, Avatar of Gluttony and Avatar of Sloth.

-insult yourself without me, I'm sad

-rude.. (ignore him, Beel)

But After few moments Sosha were in his average not-sad state and MC proceed to tell some more details, while Sosha definitely wasn't paying attention.

ⓘSosha will be exchange student for next 1 year and will live in Purgatory Hall with Celestial realm students. MC will be his Soshasitter and will have to look after him. Sosha will be getting some Grimm for good grades and can buy stuff for it. Explanation parts like this one will be appearing to give you proper explanation for various things. ⓘ

-AwAwAwAwAwAw!

-I think.. its time to get Sosha to Purgatory Hall, So we can continue our meeting.

-Ok, Diavolo, i will get him.

-where where where are we goinnnnng?

MC grabbed Sosha's hand and went with him somewhere. People on table were annoyed by human, but they seemed kinda sad that he's gone. After all, now they will have to continue their work, and that's very upsetting.

Sheep-like person and Purple-haired human walked in big and pretty corridor, that was leading them somewhere.

Corridor was pretty long, but beautiful, stained glass windows had images of demons on it. Diavolo, some fight scene.. and MC?? What they could even do to get their own image?

-Are u some sorta popularity, sheep thing?

-Maybe.

Seems like thay are not a fan of empty talks. Silently they continued escorting Sosha somewhere, while he was looking at building's design.

As Sosha heard, he were in RAD's consul room, so, now he is walking in academy? Seems pretty fashionable.

-Sooooooo, i must learn here for year? For free?

-Thats what i tried to tell you.. You will be getting some pocket money for your grades an-

-Ah cool!

-Why you want me to talk if you are always interrupting me?

Even when they are annoyed, their voice feels friendly and kind. While Sosha seems so annoying even while he is quiet.

Slowly, these two are getting to an exit.

What will they find outside, or, most importantly, will Sosha become hated by whole Devildom and will demons hold themselves and won't destroy Sosha until the end of year?

You will never find out! Or you will...

If this post will get likes, maybe Sosha will continue writing!♡

[bonesprompts]

ℍ𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕦𝕧𝕒 𝔹𝕠𝕤𝕤 '𝔾𝕙𝕠𝕤𝕥 𝔽𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕣𝕤' ℙ𝕣𝕠𝕞𝕡𝕥𝕤

" Another day in paradise! "

" Oh shit, it's morning. "

" [ Name ] bought 200 taxidermy owls and said I couldn't go home till I burned all of them. "

" FUUUUUUUUUCK. "

" Do you, like, wanna hang out sometime? "

" He drained our pension! "

" Bad? BAD? BAD? "

" All my hard work gone is a flash! "

" I should've been a theatre critic, I have objectively correct opinions. "

" It's his fault! "

" I am getting a real sexy energy from this room! "

" There is definitely a fuckable spirit here. "

" Get that spooky ghoul cock, bitch! "

" I'M COPING. "

" You've coped every dollar we have. "

" Those plates are collectable. "

" MMMM'KAY. "

" I don't need any of your "folksy-doksy" fucking country wisdom, [ name ]. "

" I need to eat my feelings til I die from a heart attack or diabetes. Whatever pops my heart open first. "

" WHAT? "

" Tell them to fuck off. "

" You know, my psychic told me I'd be going somewhere bad on Wednesday. I just thought she meant Baltimore, I didn't think it was HELL. "

" From the top. "

" I went for my usual tarot reading last week. "

" Ghosts aren't real. "

" Where's the ghost I can fuck- er, hunt? "

" Calm down! "

" [ NAME ]! Let me have this. "

" I don't know if this is a good idea. "

" BANKRUPTCY. BANKRUPTCY. BANKRUPTCY. "

" Get in loser! We're going ghost fucking! "

" Don't get used to it. "

" Aren't we supposed to be at a haunted hotel? "

" I know this is fun and all. But come back to reality? "

" Only sent me back a couple thousand. "

" He needs this. "

" No, but you're getting close. "

" There's a conspiracy, [ name ]. "

" Do me a flavour. "

" Now I'm stuck with this. "

" Poor thing. "

" Someone killed that lady, and it wasn't a phantom. "

" Prepare to get sucked off to the astral plane! "

" These are just shrivelled up humans! "

" Look out! They're a patriot! "

" I wasn't done! "

" I ain't said boo to you moping around like a sad sack for weeks. "

" We have bills to pay. "

" Did you not hear me calling for help? "

" You always need help. "

" You think you can change? "

" When was the last time you actually loved someone without hurting them? "

" I was having the worst dream. "

" This is your life. "

" No, no! Don't touch me! "

" You'll fucking hate him. "

" We deserve an upgrade. "

" We don't deserve this. "

" If we can't make it here, no one deserves to. "

" You've just always been so unbothered by everything. Almost bullet proof. I didn't know how much I depended on that. "

" Bingo! "

" Figured it out, have you? "

" A little out of your depth. "

" You know my secret. "

" Oh, this is fun! "

" Welcome to the show. "

" Looks like someone is trying to ruin our good time. "

" Be a shame if you went and ruined it. "

" You can't help anyone. "

" Does he have some nasty shit to say about you. "

" Your level of insecurity is intoxicating. "

" Your words don't mean to shit to me. "

" What do you think? "

" Not anymore. "

" I guess. "

" You forgot to carry the two there. "

[goodshipskypirate]

Whew. The Messenger is DONE.

Maybe I'll have more to say another time, or maybe not. Either way, it's late and I need to sleep. I don't think I will attempt to get all the voodoo mask pieces in the DLC island; I already know I'm not gonna get 100% of the achievements because one of them involves a perfect, no-death race, which, fuuuuuuuuuck that.

I checked YT to see what would happen once you put all the voodoo pieces together.

There is some bit of karmic justice in that someone quite as openly disdainful as Shopkeeper when she's at her worst, is stuck with a new co-worker who will annoy the living hell out of her for god only knows how long (sorta, the Voodoo Mask unintentionally annoys anyone within proximity, but Ninja's not gonna be in the shop as much as she is), but what's interesting is what the Mask does for you.

Certainly I understand why the power boost in exchange for permanent death would provide an additional challenge for those who want that, but in terms of narrative... what a bleak choice. Quarble's not been the best as Ninja's support, but there's a reason why this is optional: I don't think, canonically, our sweet Ninja man would ever sell his demon buddy like that, even if the latter snarks at him.

I do find it interesting, because Shopkeeper confirms that, yes, the Blue Robes did manage to strike a special deal with the greed demons to work for them. The fact that Ninja can betray even just one to be a cause for concern reveals their contract is somewhat on flimsy grounds.

In any case, I can now put this game to rest. I'm definitely and wholeheartedly invested in the Sabotage Studios universe now. I look forward to Throes of the Watchmaker and the next upcoming game. I look forward to the connective tissues and overarching plot threads that will connect all these gaming pieces of the puzzle together. I look forward to see reoccurring characters and I don't mean just Resh'an and Aephorul, I genuinely would love to see everyone from The Messenger again. Or any characters from Sea of Stars dependent on when and where Sabotage's next games take place.

I am all in now.

...Sooooo, when will we get official Sea of Stars merch? Ya know, besides the physical game and artbook. It'll probably never happen, but I would kill for a Resh'an plushie. Or a figurine.

[pantherlover]

A Local Habitation Re-Read: Part 5

Hello again! Here's part 5!

Chapter Seventeen:

"Quentin, get something nutritious to go with your soda. A Snickers bar or something." Oh they were both SO lucky May showed up after this.

Oh, poor Luidaeg. She's finally met the person who will eventually be able to remove the geas on her, and she's a person who decides that summoning the night-haunts is an acceptable plan.

Of all the people at ALH, I might like Elliot the most (other than April). I respect a character that can just roll with with an unexpected situation.

Toby mentions that Raven-maids and Raven-men are skin shifters like the Selkies. Given how/why the Selkies were created, this makes me curious about whether the Raven-maids/men were created for similar reasons. In the story published with Be the Serpent, Luidaeg says that she cursed the Siren who murdered her love to join the Sky Kingdoms. Maybe that has something to do with how they came about?

I really do feel sorry for Elliot about Yui. I'm glad they got their wedding after everyone was brought back.

Chapter Eighteen:

Connor is noooooot equipped to help out with quests. You were going to take Toby's car back? *Really*?? You had ONE job, man.

Was Sylvester still the Mad Duke when Quentin started his fostering? I'm pretty sure it was mentioned somewhere, but I can't remember off the top of my head. If he was, that might be why Quentin thinks that 'breaking out into hysterical laughter' is a normal reaction in Shadowed Hills.

Connor's relationship with the Luidaeg is definitely something that I want to try to pay more attention to on this re-read. It would be interesting to see what I can pick up from it now that we know about the Selkies.

Okay, Connor, I understand that your marriage is unhappy, but you're still married. Gently resting your joined hands on Toby's cheek is not cool!

Toby was probably lucky that Alex showed up and distracted Connor; he probably would've gotten a lot angrier than that otherwise.

Chapter Nineteen:

Connor may not be equipped for quests, but he does know his role as coffee-provider.

"We need to talk to [the night-haunts], and this is the only way. Believe me, I don't want to. I'm scared stiff." Toby is the ultimate proof that repeat exposure works.

I think I'm appreciating the wistful 'what-could-have-been' of Toby and Connor's relationship more this time around. I don't think they would've worked out in the long run, but they might've been able to be better friends to each other. It's a little sad that they never got to learn how to be that for each other.

Fuuuuuuuuuck Aaaaallleeeeex. Just - SO many things wrong. First, I feel like he contradicts himself while he's explaining? Does it come naturally or does he not do it to every woman he meets? Second, is it supposed to be a *compliment* that he doesn't enchant every woman he interacts with? Like it means something that he liked her enough to give her no choice in how she felt about him??

I wonder why Gordan didn't sabotage the summoning; she and Elliot got all of the flowers together, she would've had plenty of opportunity. Was she that confident that the night-haunts wouldn't be able to tell Toby anything? Was she hoping that they'd come and eat her? Was she curious enough about the night-haunts that she wanted to see it play out?

The summoning ritual is SO creepy/cool. We don't see Toby doing any concrete 'spells' with her magic; she just forces her way through a situation until she gets a desired outcome. I wonder if having kids is going to make her try to find a more consistent way to do things so she can teach them?

Chapter Twenty:

As much as we learn about them in this chapter, I think the night-haunts are the longest running mystery in the series. I saw a meta a while back theorizing that, after the Roane returned, the night-haunts lost their most stable food source and were in danger of fading unless they found another way to sustain themselves. I'm not sure if this is the direction the series would take them, but it would be a good reason to call in Toby's debt to them.

This might be the first time Toby's ever been described than 'wiser than most who deal with [the night-haunts]'.

The mandrake doppelganger make me sad, and I'm trying very hard not to think that the 'created just to die' part is foreshadowing of any kind.

Forget all the blood magic; Toby's superpower is being able to connect with people so strongly that it affects them *after death*.

Chapter Twenty One

'Backups. They had backups for the backups in this place. It was amazing anything had been able to go wrong: they should've had backups for the people, too.' Funny you should say that, Toby!

'"Look, I'd hug you, but I'd get blood al over you." "I don't care," [Quentin] said, and threw his arms around my neck.' Oh, I'm so glad that Quentin and Toby found each other.

Whatever else you can say about Luidaeg, her bedside manner is still better than Gordan's.

Jan, at least, gets (minor) props for actually planning on telling Toby everything before she died. It is honestly a miracle *anyone* made it out of this alive given how willing everyone was to take their project to the grave.

That's it for this part! As always, please feel free to come talk to me about stuff!

[amiiizuki]

got a quick question for the wincest fandom

I legit don't know how you're supposed to say it lol

(edit: I wrote "your" in the poll instead of "you" and now I can't edit it fuuuuuuuuuck😭😭😭😭)

[outoftouchsoldier]

gaming anon again. here's how i think ben would react to some games (disclaimer. he would be forced to play some)

animal crossing: "so boring. why do they talk like that? do they ever shut up? can i leave? can i make everyone leave and have the island for myself?" would hate tom nook with passion probably

mario: he would find it absurd at first but somehow get engaged. if someone points it out he would deny it of course

stardew valley: like animal crossing. would quit playing the first 5 seconds

the sims 4: "so.... i need to constantly tell my character what they need to do? are they stupid or something?" would probably ragequit or accidentally make his sim die over something dumb. i think he would try to put a bunch of them on a pool and remove the stairs, finding the situation funny but only the 1st time. after that he wouldn't touch the game ever again

any rpg game: would skip cutscenes and dialogue. his way of playing is spamming attacks over and over again just to be done with the game already

pokemon: wouldn't care about the league or pokedex. he only wants to catch the coolest pokemon and close the game forever. if his rival is mean to him he would continue the storyline only to beat them in every battle

zelda: ok i think he would find himself enjoying the games. any of them. at first he wouldn't care but as he gets further in the story, he gets more interested. his favorites would be twilight princess or ocarina of time.

minecraft: "why is everything made of squares? it doesn't make sense.." would enjoy killing every mob he sees.

OOC ::

omg hello again gaming anon, fancy seeing you here.

He does not have the attention span for animal crossing. As an AC player, it does get a bit boring after a while, especially when it comes to AC New Horizons, and the fact that in the newer games the animals are so nice and don't insult people like they used to that would piss him the fuck off so much. Same with Stardew Valley. I won't lie, I struggled to get into it and find it boring, and I definitely know he would. That shit would get turned off after the first five minutes.

I think he'd be alright with Mario but as the difficulties get harder, the more he'd end up rage quitting because at the end of the day, he is an old man. Unless it was Mario Kart... Fuuuuuuuuuck, he'd be so competitive to the point where it's just not worth playing with him anymore. I do see him hating Mario as a character JUST BECAUSE he can't play anything other than Mario Kart.

As for The Sims 4, I can't lie, reading the fact that this is Sims 4 in specific has me triggered bc it's sooooo shit compared to the other 3, EA fumbled BIG TIME with that one. But regardless, I genuinely see Hughie giving him Sims 2 to play because it's a game he personally likes because of how detailed it is. So, he sits him down in front of the PC and boots it up. He shows him how to use Create A Sim and Ben eventually creates himself after spending AGES going through outfits, he then lies about his personality traits, gets annoyed at the Turn On and Turn Off options and that's it. Once he's chosen a house and the game starts, he thinks it's pointless, simply doesn't get it. And once Hughie tells him he can torture his sim and kill him, he actively goes out of his way to make that sim suffer and the same goes for any other sim that dares to cross his lot.

But yeahhhh RPG would bore him in the end. It's no fun if all you have to do is spam one button - and that is why he HATES nintendo games, ESPECIALLY Luigi's Mansion and Peach's new game. That's it, he's never playing anything like that again.

Honestly, I've never played a Zelda game in my life, so I have no real opinions of how he'd view it, so I'll take your word for it because it would be nice to see him enjoy SOMETHING. And with Pokemon, I see where you're going with that one. Losing would bug him like hell, even when he's no longer playing the game anymore. He'd put down the DS or Switch and will be STILL triggered.

I think with Minecraft, he would definitely kill mobs for the fun of it, he would actively seek them out, but then would lose it when he dies because he's lost his stuff. He's that type of person that doesn't give a shit about a map or keeping a note of his current coordinates. But I think the building wouldn't interest him as much and the combinations for crafting would confuse him because he'd not remember then and start getting annoyed.

[thessalian]

Faerun!Alisaie vs Gathering a Team

Shadowheart lies unconscious on a path, wreckage everywhere...

Alisaie: *sitting on a barrel; playing and singing to the tune of The Wellerman* There once was a bard from Baldur's Gate / A nautiloid ship near sealed her fate / The ship broke up / We all fell down / Onto the beach below... / Here does an Alisaie sit / WIth nice sharp rapier and sharper wit / Shadowheart, wake up a bit / So we can damn well go...

Shadowheart: *groans* What--?

Alisaie: Oh good; I really did not want to have to shake you. Didn't want to be too close when you woke up in case you were a bit shaky and thought I was something to smack. While you collect yourself ... I'm figuring from the messed-up corpses of locals that there's a settlement somewhere. Any clue where we are?

Shadowheart: Not a one. We need to find supplies and a cure. Probably in approximately that order. I ... assume your sitting around here means you're amenable to teaming up?

Alisaie: I pried you out of a mind flayer pod; I'm not abandoning you now. Any clue where Lae'zel ended up?

Shadowheart: To the hells with her.

Alisaie: Given all the imps and devils and shit we were fighting, at least she'd be going someplace familiar, I guess. Still, c'mon. Team Dangerous Company.

Shadowheart: *siiiiiiigh* If we run into her, I suppose. For now, supplies. That settlement you were talking about. And hopefully, a cure.

Alisaie: Yeah, okay, but quick thing - do you still have that crossbow I threw at you on the ship?

Shadowheart: *pats herself down* Seems so. Why?

Alisaie: Because there are a few intellect devourers kind of in the way of further exploration and I don't know how bad they're hurt but Us kind of wrecked shit up so I'd rather kill them from a distance for now.

Shadowheart: You're cunning. This team-up might be a better idea than I thought. Even if you still want to help the bloody gith.

Alisaie: Honestly, kind of don't want to, but githyanki spend all their time fighting illithids and they might actually know about a cure. So better to stay kind of on her good side.

Shadowheart: Do you think that's possible?

Alisaie: Provided I leave her in camp every time I want to do anything nice for anyone, ever? Yes.

Shadowheart: ...I hate that your logic actually works. Let's go shoot brains with feet.

After the summary murder of brains with feet, up a cliff with a badly-behaved waypoint rune

Alisaie; Shadowheart: Whaaaaaaaat the fuuuuuuuuuck...?

Gale: *sticking hand out of portal* Little help?

Alisaie: ...It's going to be one of those days, isn't it. *touches portal* Hush. Whatever mess he made of your spot in the Weave, he's very sorry and he won't do it again. Now unclench a little so we can stop him being a nuisance, okay?

Gale: ...That's ... a little hurtful but fair. And working. And yes, I am very sorry for the magical disruption I am causing. Now pull, please?

Alisaie: *yanks*

Alisaie; Gale: *both go flying*

Shadowheart: Is your life always like this?

Alisaie: I. Am. A. Bard.

Shadowheart: ...Fair.

Gale: *getting up* Right! Gale of Waterdeep, at your service! I saw you running around the nautiloid. We're in about the same boat as well as formerly the same ship, no?

Alisaie: Okay, I missed you entirely. Sorry about that. Big ship and we were kind of in a hurry. But yes. Want to join Team Dangerous Company? We're off hunting for the means of survival - short and long-term.

Shadowheart: You're just collecting us like fancy figurines, aren't you.

Alisaie: Like I told Lae'zel when I was going to rescue you - anyone remotely responsive and not necessarily trying to kill us. And this one seems personable. Also, given wilderness and those dead goblins over there, wouldn't it be nice to have someone who can chuck fire at problems?

Shadowheart: I can chuck fire at problems!

Gale: Two words: Magic. Missile.

Shadowheart: Oh, fine. I suppose it's better than just the two of us at any rate.

A little ways up the road, where a remarkably pale elf is rooting around in the bushes

Astarion: I have one of those brain-things cornered!

Alisaie: And you bothered to do that without a weapon?!?

Astarion: Oh, I have one. *jumps Alisaie*

Gale: I. Will. Set. You. On. FIRE.

Astarion: And you'd barbecue your little girlfriend right along with me--

Alisaie: *headbutts Astarion*

Astarion: OW! *lets go*

Alisaie: One - I am not anybody's 'little girlfriend'. Two - you drew a knife on me but didn't stab me; why? Is this your plane's way of saying hello?

Astarion: I saw you on the ship; what did you do to me?

Alisaie: Put the knife down and I will explain.

Astarion: I am not stupid.

Alisaie: Fine. Then stand there like an idiot clutching a knife like it's your dick and wait like three seconds.

Astarion: Excuse you; I--

Mind-Sharing Thing: *happens*

Astarion: Ah. I assume that was the answer to "why exactly should I wait". Right. Apologies.

Alisaie: *turns to Shadowheart* See why I didn't want to shake you awake before? I know I'd probably freak out if I woke up after that whole mess with someone in my face.

Shadowheart: ...You're inviting this one along too, aren't you.

Gale: What happened to, "and aren't trying to kill us"?

Alisaie: If he'd been trying to kill us, I'd at least be bleeding right now. Also, again, dead goblins. A straight-up non-magical combatant would do us good. Unless you want to wait and have us drag Lae'zel along...

Shadowheart: ...I suppose he's better than that, anyway. Fine.

Astarion: ...Thanks for the vote of confidence.

And, a little further into the wilderness

Lae'zel: *psychically shrieking anger*

Alisaie: ... *quietly singing* Despite all her rage, she is still just a gith in a cage...

Shadowheart: *snrk*

Alisaie: Thank you; I'll be here all week. Welp. If we let her out of there, she's going to want the tieflings dead for doing that to her. I don't want to just go around killing random tieflings. Just ... if you can't follow my lead, hang back.

Gale: What exactly are you--?

Alisaie: *apparently legitimate panic* Run! Run for your lives! The invasion force is here! They've come for their scout and your smallclothes and your cheese wheels! RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIVES!

Shadowheart; Gale; Astarion: *staaaaaare*

Tieflings: ...Fuck a bunch of this. *leave in a relative hurry*

Gale: ...smallclothes?

Astarion: ......cheese wheels?!?

Alisaie: Say it fast enough, and with enough conviction, you could just be shouting random gnomish swear words and they'd get the idea. *lets Lae'zel down*

Lae'zel: It's about time! Now, from what I've seen, there's a creche nearby; they will have a cure!

Alisaie: Calm your tits, Lae'zel. We keep tripping over people with these tadpole things and while I know that killing anything illithid-related is your reason for living, we're not leaving illithids in-potentia wandering around the general population! We're also going to explore other avenues for a cure because frankly, I know what your culture's like and while they might expend resources on curing one of their own, the best cure we could hope for is a quick death. And I know you're not going to like this, so go back to where we've set up camp and ... recover, practice sword forms, practice all the swear words you're going to want to use on me.

Lae'zel: ...Don't keep me waiting. *leaves*

Alisaie; Shadowheart; Gale; Astarion: ..................................

Alisaie: ...So! Who's up for exploring those ruins over there; maybe find something we can use or at least trade for supplies?

Gale: What happened to "don't keep her waiting"?

Alisaie: Lady needs to learn she's not the centre of the universe, and that we're not her foot soldiers. Frankly, she can get fucked.

Astarion: I'd say "not really, since we're leaving her on her own", but I'm assuming she's got some imagination.

Alisaie: Thaaaaaat's the spirit! Let's go, Team Dangerous Company!

Gale: For all you've been through, you're ... remarkably cheerful.

Alisaie: Eh, inwardly I'm freaking out. But I'm a bard. My life is guided by whatever god or goddess is set over epic narrative so if I just ... be me at it, as hard as I can, it'll be okay. Let's go.

[whatyourusherthinks]

Terrifier 3 Review

The theater I work at had no trailers or poster for this PIECE OF HUMAN EXCREMENT DRIPPING FROM THE SCREEN INTO MY EYES AND EARS! Way to bury the lea- NO SHUT THE FUCK UP BUGGNUTZ I WANT NOTHING FROM YOU FOR THIS ONE. This movie already has 7.1 from IMBD and a 61% on Metacritic I don't need a two-bit devil's advocate for this cinematic equivalent of an actual mass murder! I never watched Terrifier or Terrifier 2. Reading the plot description on Wikipedia is like looking at the manifesto of someone who gets angry when women won't let him sniff them on public transportation. And yes, I read the part in the article where the writer/director promised to fix the "underdevelopment of the lead characters and the perceived lack of plot". But the read is less "I recognize my short-comings and plan to do better" and more "Oh shit, I got caught sneaking a wannabe snuff film into theaters and don't want to get blacklisted from releasing future movies". At least to me anyway. And my final prerelease experience is being told that this movie is "so gross that people have been running from the theater vomiting" and that made the movie "good". *Knock knock* Hey everyone who said that. THAT'S NOT A SELLING POINT! "This movie is so good it'll make you not want to watch it."

What's The Movie About?

Art the Clown, a slasher who is a fantasy of someone who regrets not going postal in high school, returns to stalk the final girl from the last movie BECAUSE... he's a demon. That's it. Art is a demon and Sienna is an Angel and they are prophesied to fight forever and ever and ever because the franchise will go on forever and ever and ever because clearly humanity has done something horrible to make God punish us forever and ever and ever...

What I Like.

The guy playing Art is a funny physical performer. When he wasn't killing people I had a laugh at some of his scenes. He kinda reminded me of the Mask, but not CGI and he doesn't talk, so he's better. I really want to reiterate that my issues with the Art character have nothing to do with David Howard Thornton. He was just hired to play the character that was written for him, and he did a good job. The effects, costuming, and setting were also well done and lend itself well to a horror Christmas atmosphere. And there's a couple scenes where characters interact that I thought was interesting.

What I Didn't Like.

Too bad those interactions don't MATTER FOR SHIT. The movie ends with everyone except for Sienna and Art dead. Nothing is resolved. No plot point in the movie finishes. Just the two characters surviving for the sequel because of literal Deus Ex Machina and Diabolus Ex Machina. It was all for nothing. Similar to Civil War, I noticed, but at least the BAD GUY died in that one. Hopefully you came over those overly gratuitous gore effects earlier, because Terrifier 3 has NOTHING ELSE. Why do any of the characters matter? They all just die. The story is stupid. For some fucking reason it's Christmas, five years after the last movie, and I think it's just because they wanted Art to run around in a Santa Suit. It makes less sense that people just tolerate Art for any amount of time instead of immediately throwing out or calling the police on the CREEPIEST LOOKING CLOWN EVER. There is literally a part where kids are running over to him excitedly. Like I know he's giving away toys, but fuck off movie. I GUARENTEE that any kid wouldn't go within ten feet of Pennywise but the pedophile dial is cranked from 6 to 9.

Every event in this movie is just obnoxious. The kills are way to pleased with themselves for how boring they are, and the only one that isn't boring is one of the grossest things I've ever seen. And almost all of them drag themselves out for as loooooong aaaaaaaas fuuuuuuuuucking pooooooooooooooooooosible. When tension is built it needs a quick release for the fear factor to work. To watch Art jump a guy, the guy start yelling in anger, then Art stabs a railroad spike through his hand, then the guy starts screaming in pain, then we have to see Art reach over and grab a hammer, then the victim is begging for mercy, then Art whacks the guy with the hammer, then the guy goes "NONONONONONO!", then Art tears his head off, and MY FUCKING GOD. I know what's gonna happen as soon as Art grabs his victim. Dragging out the kill is not scary. It's watching a trench coat mafioso jerk off over his switchblade collection. But hey, at least that preferable to seeing a disfigured woman jill herself off with a broken piece of glass. Which is something that happens in this godforsaken I-hesitate-to-call-it-a-film.

Maybe it's hedonistic enjoyment. Maybe I'm getting to high-minded about the serial killer movie. That's what you're thinking right now, right? Well you're wrong and I can prove it with two scenes. First is the sex scene. It's one of the blandest sex scenes ever, because there is no explicit nudity. This movie is Not Rated. They had no restrictions, and could have totally could have gone completely full X-Rated nudity if they wanted to. So the fact that there is none means they must not have wanted to. Actually, I lied. There's one shot of explicit nudity, when Art is using a chainsaw to carve up the guy's taint. So the movie is okay with showing nudity when it is being mutilated. But again, maybe that's the statement, the hedonism is just for violent imagery? Well, no. I keep harping on the kills being boring, because they are, but the gore is lame too. Much like the characters being too stupid to be realistic and too sensible for the movie to be a parody, the gore is too tame to be splat-stick and too unrealistic to give tragic catharsis. They throw around blood so vibrant it would make a Hammer Horror tell them to turn down the saturation, but everyone seems to bleed realistically, no excess spray or gallons fall from victims. A couple people get disemboweled, but all Art seems to pull out of them is large intestines. People get faces eaten and decapitated, or have their limbs chopped off with axes and chainsaws, but I am not positive if I saw a bone even once. It's all so bland and the various mauling scenes blend together. And I can't stress enough, they mean fucking nothing. No character who get's killed by Art has a satisfying story arc or contribute to a plot line. Maybe it's tragic catharsis? Like look at all these characters we built up, not say goodbye because we are gonna unceremoniously and graphically kill all of them! Except the brother from the last movie get's killed off screen. Yeah. No warning. No hint that it's coming. Off. Fucking. Screen.

I keep thinking back to that sentence I read on Wikipedia. "[The writer/director] has expressed regret for leaving the protagonists underdeveloped." Well whatever you think is developed is man, this ain't it. Sienna is where most of the character lies, and her whole thing is this stupid quasi-biblical prophecy thing along with being traumatized from the last movie. Fair, if I lived through that I'd be messed up too. But the PTSD writing is as subtle as a mortar bombing. Sienna literally sees the disgusting mangled corpse of her friend screaming at her. I was liking the flashbacks with her dad until it transitioned into this bizarre origin for her sword. A sword, which for all the build up of it's appearance and how much they bang on how cool and important it is, looks like a plastic prop you can buy at Walgreens for 10 bucks. Actually, it looks worse than that, because the plastic sword I got at Walgreens has a shiny blade and comes with a sheath. And the scene where we see it forged I swear to Beelzebub is 5 decibels louder than the rest of the movie. Because it'll be really scary if we make the audience's eardrums burst, right? The only other characters who gets a modicum of development are the brother, who once again is killed OFF SCREEN, and Sienna's cousin who looks up to her. And she falls into hell! It's for a promise of a sequel, but a) it's less of a promise and more a threat, and b) given the track record of these movies, I would bet when Sienna finds her cousin in hell she'll be completely broken from being barbed wire-skull fucked by Adolf Hitler and Henry Kissinger over the last 8 years or whatever.

All of this comes to my conclusion that Terrifier 3 was not made to be scary, or tell an actual story, or even for hedonistic enjoyment. And the smoking gun is the first thing I though when the movie itself started proper. Why did this movie release in October? Sure, the other two movies did (Kinda sorta if you squint.), but those movies take place on Halloween. Because of Halloween, October is the spooky month so that's when all the Horror movies come out, right? Except not only do horror movies come out all year, ESPECIALLY this year, but this is a holiday horror movie. The whole point of those is to take a ubiquitous cultural moment of fun and enjoyment and make it scary and taboo by breaching social norms. It's an honored tradition that goes back over 400 years if you want to count Shakespeare's The Winter's Tale as the first example. So when you release these movies matter. The cultural context matters. What cultural does Christmas in October bring? It brings the thought of Christmas overtaking all other holidays. The thought of corporations pushing the winter holidays earlier and earlier so they can sell their novelty goods earlier. The thought of retailers pushing seasonal product to sucker in consumers to spend even more money. The pressure of average people to start their gift shopping earlier. Christmas doesn't mean any high minded "peace on Earth" spiritual ideals until December itself. People HATE that Christmas seems to come earlier and earlier every year. (At least the ones who are self-aware enough to distinguish themselves as more that a consumer.) And I think the guy who both wrote and directed this celluloid massacre knows this.

Final Summation.

I am sorry The Substance. I did not enjoy sitting through you, but at least you had a reason. At least their was a message you were conveying to the audience. I am fully prepared to admit that you are a good movie that I just didn't like, although I still hang on to my criticisms about you. But it's true. The Substance is a good movie that just wasn't for me.

Terrifier 3 is edgelord bullshit. Anyone actually well served by this crock of feces would find greater enjoyment from a real snuff film because they are a goddamn psychopath. Everyone else just thinks they'll get big boy brave points for sticking it out, but it's not an endurance test to watch this movie. No, watching this movie is akin to getting cosmetic surgery with no anesthesia. Unnecessarily painful, completely optional, a waste of time, and at the end you're just worse off.

God. Let's talk about something good. Like Donald Trump.

[waywardtrek]

4 5 and 10 for the ask game :)

4. number one fear: that the script/plot doesn't give glennis enough impetus to be truly, harrowingly upset and distraught, i.e. everything's played more farcically for fun/rage/anger (which i do want, too -- but it has to *mean* something for this ep, has to really shake him to his knees, you know?). Extra fear is that they don't at least subtly acknowledge how dennis' mental health issues play an important part in his response to the events, i.e. that this isn't just about high blood pressure or whatever the synopsis says. (i don't think this is going to happen tbh - it's going to be all of these things and more, a cinematic masterpiece for the ages, etc!)

5. number one hope: that, due to the ep's events, dennis has a fundamental change which we see continue into s17 and beyond. we see this by the end of the episode -- a big fucking painful cathartic realisation in big shiny glennis eyes. (i would love if that change is openly admitting to himself and overtly accepting how much he loves/needs mac via the medium of sloppy kissing and full penetration, but honestly, i'd be happy to see him in s17 accepting he's not a perfect human; just being like "oh yeah, i go to therapy now. deal with it, bitch. bpd? yeah, that's me. nobody's perfect." etc. - all while still being an asshole, of course)

bonus macdennis hope is that dennis crawls into mac's bed at the very end of the ep to be the little spoon and gets a little snuggle/kissy in his hair from mac OR that mac comes hauling ass down the beach in the Range Rover to rescue his pathetic beloved disaster human. But hey, if we get neither of these things, there's always ao3 lol

10. what are the diamonds for? 🤔💎 the diamonds are for some dumb/nefarious b-plot scheme, but they are clearly a metaphor for how mac views dennis, as well as subtext for us viewers as we witness dennis' pressure-cookered descent into unbridled rage and then beyond, shining birghtly as a New Man. also maybe mac will gift whatever diamond sludge/shit he ends up making to dennis and we can all be like "fuuuuuuuuuck macdennis engagement ring"

[blackenchanting]

Welcome to Ravens Borough episode 18

Somewhere in the unheard of town of Ravens Borough

The contents of this story are nsfw therefore not for children

"Welcome to the hearts of steel madam" drex said as Ameila and Ava walked down the steps holding hands. The spot lights moved around the room as vanilla twilight by owl city played. They walked along the bar as Ameila kissed Ava's hand and twirled her onto a bar stool. Before Ameila was behind the counter facing her.

"Alright madam I don't know what can I get you tonight?" She asked

Ava tapped her fingers on the bar

"Mhhh.. I dunno, are you on the menu?" She asked

"Tempting.. but I got someone at home" Ameila said

"Disheartening.. Surprise me I suppose" Ava said as Ameila grabbed a few bottles off the shelf while sliding over the photo that said 'yes I'm still your wife idiot'

"Oooo can you make me a cheese cake?" Ava asked

"I suppose that ain't too much to ask for" Ameila said, sliding her a drink.

"Ooo it's blue" Ava said as Ameila grabbed the counter top and folded it up revealing a stove hiding under it

"Hmm.. actually I think I have some in the fridge" she said crouching down next to the recipe books that were unopened as she moved over to a small fridge

She pulled the handle as the door popped open being met with a sticky note that said rules to live by 'earth is round, the sky's not actually blue but who's asking. Grass is green Ava's your wife and pussy pussy. Salt it salt if you didn't get any. It was your own damn fault, as she grabbed a cheesecake from the fridge and closed the door. "There you go" Ameila said sliding it across the table

"Yay!" Ava said starting to chow down on it

"..."

"What" Ava said looking at Ameila

"Oh god what are you thinking" Ava said

"You eat dick the way you eat that cheesecake?" Ameila asked

"Fuuuuuuuuuck yoooooooou!" Ava said looking away

"You can try but I'm the dominant one" Ameila said

"Shut!" Ava said finishing her cheese cake and taking a sip of her drink

"If I wanted to eat your dick like cheesecake I'd do it" Ava said

"Fair enough" Amelia said refilling her drink with a different amounts

"Hmmm I see. You don't follow a recipes" Ava said

"Not really I just wing making them" Ameila said

"On the bright side at least you feel special. No too drinks are ever the same" Amelia said

"Don't quit your day job" Ava said standing up

"Wasn't planning on it" Amelia said.

The interstate was quiet asides from a sign with a singler flickering light that said 'ravens claw next four miles'. And next to it was a sign for 'ravens borough next two miles'. But the silence was broken as a two thousand eight dodge Magnum flew by the signs it was red with a black hood. Eva shifted gears as Robin held onto the oh shit bar for dear life

"Easy easy easy!" Robin yelled

"This was your fault. You know how I am." Eva said. Speeding up as they flew towards the detectives office

"And I also told you if you're not careful the Half shaft will disengage from the wheel hub. Due to the recall on the two thousand eight dodge Magnums!!!!" Robin said

"That's a fixable problem." Eva said.

"Oh… christ.." Robin said as they flew off the exit for ravens borough

"Plus I wanted to see its limits." Eva said slowing down considerably.

"Its got a top speed of one hundred twenty mph. And can go zero to sixty in six seconds" Robin said

"Huh, good to know." Eva said. Throwing the hand break as it drifted perfectly around the bend and straightened back out.

"Dammit this isn't Tokyo drift!" Robin said, fixing his aviators.. he looked in the rear view mirror as a big jacked purple twenty thirteen ford svt raptor slowly came up behind them. It had a massive light bar On Top and one across the bumper

"Of course it's not. But I can drift most things. Probably even a tank." Eva said.

"Thankfully you'll never get your hands on one" Robin said as a hand in the truck behind them pulled a string hanging from the roof as a loud train horn came out of the truck

"Gah, who the fuck?" Eva asked, turning to see the truck.

"Fuckin alright." Eva said, speeding up.

"For the love of.. Irene" Robin said as the truck sped up as well staying right behind them as she hit max speed. The horn blew as the turn signal activated

"Wow, that thing is quick." Eva said

It came up beside them being fat taller than them it has a toolbox over the back as it pulled in front of them it had a sticker over the back window that said this country girl ain't no princess with a back rack In front of it

"Who even…" Eva said, looking down. At a magnet on the back that said gas grass or ass no one rides for free

"At least they got their priorities in check" Robin said.

"That's true." Eva said.

It's horn blew again as it took a different exit.

"Good now we can get back without any more hassle." Eva said.

Some time later they arrived back at the detectives office.

Robin Opened the trunk where a birthday cake was sitting.

"Look at that, it's perfectly fine." Eva said.

"Surprisingly with your track record" Robin said

"I mean I've done similar stunts before." Eva said.

"My poor car" Robin said

"It'll be fine now that I'm not driving. Might need Orion to look at it. He might be able to fix the recall issue." Eva said.

"But for now let's get this cake to its place." She added picking up the cake as Robin shut the hatch hiding the massive subwoofers that were in the back of the seats.

"Nice car regardless. Sorry if I over did it." Eva said.

"She'll live" Robin said

"Fair enough." Eva said.

"Maybe anyway" Robin said

"It should be fine. Wonder if anyone else is gonna show up." Eva said.

"No idea." Robin said as the magnum tweeted like a bird.

"Fair enough, let's head in." Eva said heading inside with the cake.

…

Night fell over the detectives office as two shoes walked through a puddle outside. As a red jacket pulled over which had a cool lime green symbol on the back that lit up a small feminine hand flickered open an old square lighter as they lit a cigarette in their mouth

Inside the three where enjoying cake as their was four knocks at the door and then two double handed knocks

"What in the…" Rob said, opening the door.

"How's it going" Ameila said talking the cigarette out of her mouth as her eyes gave a slight glow in the dark

"Alright. Wasn't expecting to see you tonight considering." Rob said

"Well here I am" Ameila said

"Fair. Come on in." Rob said letting her in. She walked in putting her cigarette out as her jacket glowed behind her

"Looks like a pretty killer party over here" Amelia said

"I mean we already kinda finished but there's still plenty of cake left." Rob said.

"I have a great recipe for cake in my dictionary of a brain. My mom's house famous chocolate lava cake with crushed up peanut butter and brownie topping that's slathered in a nice melted peanut butter top" Amelia said

"That does sound pretty nice. even if I don't care for peanut butter too much." Rob said.

"Wa.. whaaaat!" Ameila replied

"What? Yeah, I don't do peanut butter that much. Maybe every once in a while but overall it's just not my favorite or most liked thing." Rob said.

"Are.. you like.. sick or something?" Ameila asked

"Nope. Might have something to do with dogs and peanut butter. And probably my dislike of stereotypes." Rob said.

"What you mean dogs and peanut butter!" Ameila said

"Dogs love peanut butter. I don't. Because I'm part werewolf." Rob said.

"That makes no fucking sence!" She said

"I mean yeah. Though I'm willing to give that cake a try." Rob said.

"Fuck it wanna know the truth?" Rob said.

"No you might make enimes here tonight" Ameila said

"Yeah im with her on this. First time ever hearing you don't like peanut butter" Robin said

"I liked peanut butter. Until I had my own money. Then I bought like twenty jars of it and devoured them in one sitting." Rob said.

"Alright now that's just retarded even for you" Robin said

"It's true. Cleaned those jars completely." Rob said.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" Ameila asked

"Because I could. My dad used those jars to store screws and shit." Rob said.

"Just because you can doesn't mean you should" Robin said

"I know. But I was young and dumb man, we all do stupid shit." Rob said.

"Not that stupid." Eva said.

"Et tu Eva?" Rob said.

"Hey it's my job to knock you back into place every once in a while." Eva said.

"But he never learns" Robin said

"Nope. Not even a little bit. But that's why he has us." Eva said.

"Been trying to get him to move on from cryptids for years" Ameila and Robin said in sync

"That's because there's fuck all to do with my skill set outside of this job." Rob said.

"Join the military, Join the police force, Join the swat team, Sell guns. There's so much shit to do with your skill set, run a bar" Robin said

"Yeah no that's my thing" Ameila said

"True but with this job I have a bit more freedom." Rob said.

"The government breathes down your neck the same as mine. the only difference is they'll kill you if you see something your not meant to" Robin said

"Fair point." Rob said.

"And I'm just here to make sure he comes back in relatively the same shape he left in." Eva said.

"That's what I think happened to Ralph" Robin said

"Poor Ralph.." Ameila said

"Yeah. Yeah that's a good point. I'd probably be better off as a police detective." Rob said.

"I hear defeat in your tone" Robin said

"Probably because I feel kinda… trapped in this job sometimes and that's why I go hunting for cryptids to at least keep it interesting outside of the… intimate stuff." Rob said.

"Almost like the entire plot of this story revolves around you being in this job?" Ameila asked

"Oi. This building is barely holding together at this point." Eva said.

"Just saying" Ameila said placing a bottle of rose whisper on the table

"I know. But still. This job lets me operate a bit more freely and actually help people from time to time." Rob said.

"If you really wanna help people. To actually make a difference then become a cop. I have an opening in foggy rock" Robin said

"I'll think about it. But I kinda just wanna stay here in Raven's Borough for the time being." Rob said.

"It's an hour drive at most" Robin said.

"Good point." Rob said.

"Hey what am I supposed to do then hm? Pulling your ass out of the fire is most of my job here." Eva said.

"You'd make more money get more benefits and get out of this shit hole you pretend is some sort of castle" Robin said

"Yeah. Those all sound pretty good points." Rob said.

"This place is pretty much one bad day from toppling over." Eva said.

"Alright it ain't that bad" Ameila said

"It gets pretty close in some storms." Rob said.

"But that doesn't really answer my question. What about me? I don't do this for the money or anything if I'm being honest." Eva said.

"Don't know what to tell you. Get a day job or be a stay at home wife" Ameila said

"I'd offer you a position at the heart of steel but he'd kill me" Ameila added gesturing to Rob

"I mean she can if she wants. I'm just worried she might get hurt or worse." Rob said.

"Yeah cuz you're gonna let her work at an underground bar for criminals. And not just criminals dangerous criminals" Ameila said

"That's a very good point." Rob said.

"Stay at home w-wife…" Eva said blushing.

"Aaaand you broke her good job." Rob said.

"Oh shut the hell up y'all been dating for at least 3 years now this is Basic bitch shit at this point" Ameila said

"Oh I know. She's just a romantic at heart and you kind of said a code word that's sent her into overdrive." Rob said.

"Hate to say it but I agree with your friend here. You should at least be engaged by now" Robin said

"As long as you make sure you come home safe I can find ways to occupy my time." Eva said.

"I mean i'll let you try out the hearts of steel if you want. Just remember that I'm not always gonna be around to save your ass if you get into a situation" Ameila said.

"I mean… I'm not opposed to the idea." Eva said.

"She can handle herself well enough." Rob said.

"But at the same time… I could definitely do with being able to relax for a while instead of having to pull his ass out of the fire." Eva said.

"I haven't proposed because I haven't had the money." Rob admitted.

"O-oh!" Eva said in surprise.

"Neither did I but I made a ring and slapped it on your finger" Robin testified

"Which is now who knows where" he added

"Oh that. That's currently attached to my dad's dog tags." Rob said, pulling a set of dog tags which read Valentine Dexter from under his shirt which had the ring on the chain.

"Well i'll be damned. You kept it. Little weird you kept it.. but i'll be damned you kept it" Robin said

"Well yeah. It's still sentimental. A sort of important moment." Rob said.

"Wait, why is it weird that he kept it?" Eva asked.

"Because it represents us as a couple which we no longer are" Robin said

"I kept it because I still care about you. So I can't throw it away and we weren't on speaking terms for a bit to give it back." Rob said.

"Fair enough" Robin said

"Did you want it back or?" Rob asked.

"I mean if it makes you happy keep it I guess" Robin said

"If you insist." Rob said, putting the dog tags back under his shirt.

"Kinda sweet." Eva said.

"Il show you sweet when I put my size nine foot up your ass" Robin said taking his aviators down with his finger

"Hey, no need for that." Eva said.

As Robin put his aviators back up

"You three are like the pathetic dirty threesome" Ameila said

"Heh, yeah that's not gonna happen." Rob said.

"Id kill myself Long before that started" Robin said

"Exactly. I don't know how to feel about that comment." Rob said.

"Good" Robin replied

"Neither do I…" Eva said.

"Also good" Robin said taking his feet off the table

"Anyway what'd you get up to today Ameila?" Rob asked.

"Woke up had breakfast Took Ava to the bar for dinner and then showed up here because the narrator had other ideas for how he wanted this episode to go" Ameila said

"Fair enough." Rob said.

"We really gotta fix that hole." Eva said, looking at the wall behind Ameila.

Ameila cracked her fingers as she grabbed a random poster and put it over the hole

"Done" she said.

"Where did you even… fuck it that works." Rob said.

"Well it's been fun but I should probably get back on patrol" Robin said standing up as his entire lower half popped

"Yeah, it was. Take care and I'll seriously think about what you said." Rob said getting up and hugging Robin.

"You know you can take a break any time right?" Eva said again

"Blah blah been called blah blah will answer always" Robin said leaving

"Fair enough. I respect that." Rob said.

"Just try not to spread yourself too thin alright?" Eva said.

"Well you know what they say I've been begging to Di-" Robin said cutting himself off by closing the door

"You heading out too Ameila?" Rob asked.

"Eh what the hell it's been ninety seconds" Ameila said also heading for the door

"Want some cake before you go, maybe bring some back to Ava?" Eva asked.

"Ehhhhhhhhhh sure" Ameila said

"Awesome. It's a pretty good cake." Rob said as Eva cut Ameila a couple slices of chocolate cake and wrapped one in cling wrap on a styrofoam plate while handling her the other slice on a styrofoam plate.

"Thank you" Ameila said leaving with it

"Have a nice drive!" Eva said.

[fulcrumredeemed]

Who is this guy? He is very strange. If this guy was one of Strucker's then Baron von Struck-too-many-times-as-a-child was running out of people to send after Ahsoka. Strucker was getting desperate. Wait? Beg HER pardon? Was Wade serious? Especially when he looks like.....THAT!?!? "I don't think I will beg your.....ANYTHING. I mean you look like someone that's getting ready to go to a BDSM Play Party. Buuuut........" Looking Wade up and down, with a condescendingly, mischievous look and smirk that accompanied her pause before Ahsoka made it a point to emphasize the word anything. She really didn't want to beg him for anything. This guy's suit looked like it might be sticky, for some reason? He smelled like when Ahsoka was traveling the world and ended up in Mexico, the food that she smelled there. Yeah like that. As she made her quip about a Play Party, she folded her arms over her chest and stuck her left hip out as she stood there looking at the man while smirking, proud of her little wit. It was been a minute since she had got to be snarky towards someone. Normally Ahsoka didn't like to do that but this guy.....yeah....uh...this guy.....well look at him. He sure didn't sound like he was one of Strucker's either. Dude has some serious issues. Wait???? Did he just say his name was....... Wade Wilson.......... FUUUuuuuuuck......... Ahsoka sighed. Many of the times that she had spent some time with the X-men, Ahsoka had heard then complain about someone named Wade Wilson. Apparently a real menace to society and a thorn in the Professor's mind and especially after that fiasco where he accidentally made the Professor go brain dead when he tried to help Wade and read his mind. Wade had better hope that Erik Lehnsherr, the Lord of Magnetism, never finds out where Wade is at. "I know who you are." Ahsoka says flatly but NOT coldly. She wasn't mad at the guy or anything. Ahsoka was just preparing herself for the annoyance that would surely come from Wade Wilson, or so the stories that were told to her had said. She went to at least take Wade's hand and shake it in a proper greeting when he offered. She may expect him to irritate her but she wasn't an unkind person and she did like to give people chances and form her own opinion. She always did. When she went to take Wade's hand he rescinded it before she could take it and he just walked past her. Ahsoka was stunned, a look of disbelief at the audacity and arrogance of this guy. She breathed a huff as a chuckle of disbelief, trying to release the stunned stupor that this guy's childish behavior had caused to Ahsoka. Her mouth still a gap from her shock, Ahsoka stayed standing in the same place, in the same position for a bit in her shocked state, even after Wade had wandered past her. So that's what they all meant. Well too late now. So why is he here again? Ahsoka closed her mouth, and turned around smirked as she folded her arms across her chest again.

"What the hell are you rambling about Wade Wilson? Can you not make weird statements in reference to my Special World, that sound like I should work at Hot Topic? Wait a minute. Do you a Hot Topic employee or is it only that sex shop down the street?" Bending her arm at the elbow while pointing backwards with her thumb to indicate a fake location of a sex toy shop at some imaginary nearby location. "So..... You're not one of Strucker's goons, are you?" A pensive hope peaking through the suspicion in her voice as she asked Wade her inquiry.

@ontheticktick

@fulcrumredeemed

The Merc wasn't exactly a SCIENTIST, not by any real stretch of the imagination, but he did have a NATURALLY CURIOUS MIND. When the stranger pointed out her unusual anatomy, it was enough to pique his interest in knowing more.

"Tendrils, tentacles, to-ma-to-to-mah-to." He shrugged his shoulders loosely. Wade never went out of his way to get into the FINER INTRICACIES of anyone else's biology...not without THER EXPLICIT PERMISSION, anyway.

WHOEVER this person was, they and their VERY NICE WASHBOARD ABS seemed...NEAT!

That word though, TENDRIL...it wasn't something that he had ever used actively in his entire life. Lucid dreaming was one thing, but he was pretty sure his mind and his dreams couldn't just correct him and teach him NEW VOCABULARY.

NOW, the Merc was concerned with just where he had found himself to be, even more so than he was before. If he wasn't dreaming, that meant that there was a LEGITIMATE AND LOGICAL REASON that he could still tune into his senses, why everything around him was SO TANGIBLE.

Wade really hated it when things were LEGITIMATE AND LOGICAL. Being forced into taking life seriously was Deadpool's equivalent to KRYPTONITE.

As if to test the reality around him, he kept his feet on the presumed ground beneath his feet, while hopping some in place, his eyes narrowing further as his mind had seemed to wander off to a GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY. In all fairness though, it was in the name of SCIENCE technically. Undiagnosed ADHD and science.

That spark of wonder and inquisitiveness halted in its tracks though, when this lady turned around and threw an ACCUSATORY TONE at him.

Wade was suddenly standing up PIN STRAIGHT, inhaling a gasp and exhaling with an indignant HUFF.

"You BEG MY PARDON, do I LOOK like someone that knows WHY I end up where I am? I DON'T! Not ever, actually. Sorta feels like I'm at the mercy of some CORPORATE WRITER'S ROOM." He shook his head somewhat, trailing off before moving on.

"Look, I'm FUCKING CLUELESS here, okay? Well, actually," the Merc tilted his head slightly, "I'm Wade Wilson. My ex was Fucking Clueless. She's not anymore though, not since she dumped me." He held out his hand but didn't wait for her to take it and shake it before he was asking more questions, simply dropping his arm back to his side and walking past her with slight awe. He wasn't trying to be disrespectful, he just happened to be very good at it.

"Holy shit-biscuit...this place is like the WET DREAM of every BASIC WHITE BITCH with a nose ring that's neck deep in ASTROLOGY, an' TAROT CARDS, an'...I dunno, KOMBUCHA TEA."

[3starsquinn]

[pm] [del] Aw shit how do I even say this? I killed your friend your don't want this from me fuuuuuuuuuck]. Hey man, jus sliding into your DMs to say that the whole virginity stigma for men is bullshit, and getting your dick wet or not doesn't make you any more or less of man. You're true, honorable, and do whatever it takes to follow what you think is right. That's the only true dudeness that actually matters. ----Peace, Adam

[pm] This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me 

Oh. Well that is very nice of you. Are we even talking? I haven’t talked to you in a very long time. I don’t even know if I like you anymore. I mean clearly I must or I wouldn’t be replying to this. I hate this.

Clearly this whole repressed virgin thing has made its rounds. I’d be flattered that so many people care about my public messages if I was already so mortified. But uh... thanks. I will take that grossly described but surprisingly nice message to heart. I uh... hope you’re doing okay? You haven’t murdered anyone else I know have you?