#funny that i used to think this is too weird a thing to say on tumblr
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reading update: january 2025
I'm a bit behind on getting this posted, so I'm gonna do it quick and dirty. this is not the most elaborate reading round-up I'm ever going to do, and that's okay!!! january has gotten off to a weird, uneven start in terms of reading, and that is what it is!
The Extinction of Irena Rey (Jennifer Croft, 2024) - this book is great for anyone who likes dark academia but wants to see what those students will be like when theyâre adults who have to get by outside of college. in this case, they become translators for an enigmatic woman who makes them gather in a remote Polish forest and then disappears. pure vibes all the way down; truly things just happen in this book. the gimmick of the novel itself being a work by one of the characters, told from her perspective, and then translated by another character that the narrator despises, is soooo rich and interesting, and I deeply wish it had been used much more extensively.
Darknesses (Lachelle Seville, 2022) - is this book good? I couldnât possibly say. it was very fun to read on vacation with like 12% of my brain operating. the best way I can possible explain it is that by the time the book is over it feels like Seville is running one of those old ask blogs where artists would have their blorbos and their OCs answer questions and hang out and stuff. do you know the kind Iâm talking about? itâs like that, itâs dissociative identity disorder Dracula and the descendants of the human Dracula characters and Norse mythology werewolves and a vampire bunny and a dragon and Satan whoâs a teenage girl with pink hair and theyâre all hanging out in New York City. donât think too hard about it.Â
Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps to Attracting Your Perfect Mate (Patti Stanger with Lisa Johnson Mandell, 2009) - Iâm not proud of this and I canât really justify it except that my housemates and I have gotten really into watching old episodes of Patti Stangerâs terrible TV show, Millionaire Matchmaker. the show is atrocious and so is the book but in my defense itâs extremely funny.
Queen Takes Rose (Katee Robert, 2020) - guys I canât stand Katee Robert. I really canât. I thought it was going to be fun but god this just sucked.
Adam & Evie's Matchmaking Tour (Nora Nguyen, 2024) - after that last one I really needed a good, normal romance novel to get me back on track, and this delivered! I donât think itâs going to be one of my all-time faves, but the characters are lovably realistic losers and I was really rooting for themâespecially Evie, who feels like a messy bitch I would love to hang out with. plus the setting, a romping tour across the sights of Vietnam, was so fun and Iâm always willing to award points to a romance novel that supports telling your awful to fuck off right to hell!
Mystery Lights (Lena Valencia, 2024) - hereâs the thing. every short story in this collection is a well written, coherent short story. thematically there are really clear throughlines; youâll get a lot of mileage out of this if you like middle aged women who have complicated relationships with their daughters between the ages of 13 and 23. I really wanted to like this! and yet, I feel like this collection just isnât going to stick with me very well. there are some cool concepts and ideas (thereâs a creepy story involving a little girl who disappears into some underground caves and comes back Weird that actually spooked me pretty good) but overall I feel like itâs just not going to stick with me :/
Is Love the Answer? (Uta Isaki, 2021; trans. Sawa Matsueda Savage, 2023) - huge thanks to the person who sent me an ask to recommend this manga! itâs a very quick, sweet read about a university student coming into her aroace identity with the help of a circle of newfound friends supporting her along the way. I really liked the way it delves into the way anxiety can have you second-guessing and overthinking your sense of self even after embracing an identity. this was my Heartstopper (I say, without having ever read Heartstopper).
The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse (Louise Erdrich, 2001) - I picked this up at Erdrichâs bookstore, Birchbark Books & Native Arts, last summer while I was briefly in Minneapolis, on recommendation by an employee at the store. I was initially hesitant about the novelâs focus on spirituality and religion, given that it follows a Catholic priest working on an Ojibwe reservation throughout the 20th century, but man, this was an incredible introduction to Erdrichâs work. Father Damian Modeste is an incredible character and one of my favorite depictions Iâve ever seen of a woman living long-term in disguise as a man, and how the line between those identities blurred. thereâs a scene I donât think Iâll ever forget, in which Modeste is asked, essentially, âAre you a man or a woman?â and answers firmly âIâm a priest.â and all the while, despite the fact that heâs supposed to be an agent of colonization and the destruction of indigenous culture, more than anything he is changed by the Ojibwe people he works with. itâs a surprising, elegant book, and I was shaken to find myself crying at the end.Â
A Magical Girl Retires (Park Seolyeon, 2022; trans. Anton Hur 2024) - this book is a short, rapid-fire read thatâs a dry, funny take on the magical girl genre. our protagonist starts the book so mired in credit card debt that sheâs considering jumping off a bridge when sheâs summoned to be a magical girl, and things will only get weirder for her from there as Koreaâs magical girl union recruits her to help them combat climate change. a fun read, easy to polish off in a single sitting at less than 200 pages.
salt slow (Julia Armfield, 2019) -now THIS was the short story collection I was waiting for! it reminded me so much of why I loved Armfieldâs novel Our Wives Under the Sea. she has another new novel out this year and Iâm really looking forward to reading that as well! she has an incredible way with love and melancholy.
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"entire online queer community collectively forgot, or rather pretends that queer allies don't exist"
funny thing was when I was in high school in the mid-2000s, the "A" in LGBTQIA was just as often assigned to "allies" as asexuals. the obvious reason being that if you didn't yet want to label yourself in a homophobic society, 'ally' was an easy way to say that you're here to be supportive without outing anything about yourself
yeah! that's exactly it!
i think we've lost the spirit of that entirely. we should not have to force people to out anything about themselves whatsoever. i don't like that. i feel like that goes against what we stand for. i don't feel like any queer space should force its participants to out themselves. i don't really care if people who are cishet or whatever read my blog and genuinely learn and take the time to understand things better. that's a good thing.
it was kinda cool that the A could mean multiple things, it didn't force people to disclose exactly what. now obviously we need asexual, aromantic, agender and other aspec representation, and my college's pride group had that, mostly because i was talking about it to the president who was a childhood friend of mine, but i think we just straight up forgot that it really can stand for ally. like. i don't like that people don't want to acknowledge that there are a lot of cishet people out there who genuinely like trans partners and people and aren't judgment or weird or gross about it. there genuinely are cishet people who like it, or don't care in the sense that it doesn't bother them, but they are invested if you talk about it.
we have to stop assuming the worst. i think that's really what it comes down to.
it's a good thing if someone's 70 year old cishet grandpa comes to the pride meeting and sees that gays, lesbians, mspec people, trans people, intersex people, and other queers are just normal people. it's a good thing if the lesbian brings their supportive mom and dad. it's okay if a gay man brings their supportive mom and sister to their drag performance at the gay bar. it's okay if trans women bring their supportive cishet brothers, dads, sisters and girl friends who can help them pass or stay safe outside of queer spaces. it's okay if trans men bring their best friend who's a cishet guy and is supportive of the community to the trans meetup.
hot take but i also believe that cis gay dads with a lesbian daughter belong in lesbian spaces, too. i believe that cis lesbian moms belong in trans spaces so they can support their trans kids. i believe that cishet parents belong in gay spaces to learn more about and support their gay kids. i believe perisex cishet parents, friends and partners belong in intersex spaces so they can support their loved ones and the community. i believe that cis bi/pan/mspec men & women belong in trans spaces if they're attracted to trans people. i believe that the cishet polyamorous guy who has 4 girlfriends who all love each other gets to come to the meeting. cishet people belong at the aromantic & asexual meetings.
we need to stop assuming things about each other and let us have open discussion. it's not good to try to guess what someone else's identity is just by looking at them. that's profiling. it's just not helping. people are allowed to disclose as much or as little information as they want. asexuals and aromantics don't deserve to be talked over of course, but i feel like we've tried to erase allies in order to lift aspectrum people up and it's not the way to go. we should uplift everyone who supports us!
thanks for stopping by! i appreciate this ask a lot
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They went down and he saw the alleged stain, yeah that was a lot some of his was even there. Snapping his fingers it was gone like it never happened.
Lucifer: There, good as new.
He couldn't say anything without incriminating himself.
Charlie: Thanks dad.
They hugged and he could feel eyes on him, he looked and Nifty was eyeing him with stars in her eye. Like she knew something.
Weird.
Lucifer: Oh shoot, I left something in my office I'll be right back.
He went to his office and that's when he noticed the shimmer on his clothes. He cocked his head to the side and wiped the shimmer onto his glove to have a better look. It looked like residual from the magic before.
His magic was golden and red, this was a sickly emerald green.
Lucifer glared, why didn't he fucking think of this before? A fucking voodoo doll, it reeks of Alastors power.
He let his power flow to his doll and it was ....... In Niftys room? That's why she was looking at him funny.
He's had people make dolls of him before, more for sexual reasons and he was sure Alastor had no interest in that kind of thing.
Lucifer snuck into Niftys room and found the dolls. Yeah this was definitely that freaks work. Probably got disappointed that it didn't work the way he wanted it too.
....... These were creepily accurate. Where the fuck did he get their feathers?
Lucifer took them to Adams room to tell him the good news.
Adam: Voodoo Dolls? That shits real?
Lucifer: Yeah..... He probably made them to hurt us and gave them to Nifty when it didn't work.
Adam: And then that little freak made us fuck...... Why is she such a pervert?
Lucifer: Beats me.
Adam: And did you have to tell Charlie that?
Lucifer raised a brow: Would you rather I told her we fucked and you jizzed on the floor? Which I cleaned by the way.
He held both dolls in one hand and summoned fire in the other.
Adam: What are you doing?
Lucifer: .... Destroying them? If that freak finds out they work he could really hurt us, Voodoo is powerful shit it's not a toy.
Adam rolled his eyes: I know they are. Can I see them?
Lucifer narrowed his eyes: Why? So YOU can hurt me?
VooDoo Do You
@beef-brisket I really want this one đ©
-
Alastor put the finishing touches on the voodoo dolls of Adam the first man and Lucifer the King of Hell. It has taken so long to make them this perfect.
Hair from their pillows, feathers from their wings, ....... Other DNA things that he wished he didn't have to touch. It was finally over.
So he picked them up and started twisting them to cause pain. Those two morons have been a pain in his ass long enough and it's time to get even. They weren't too far away so he should be able to hear if it's working.
But nothing happened, he teleported to where Adam and Lucifer were sitting on the couch talking and tried.
Still nothing.
The fuck!?
Nifty came up to him: Something wrong Alastor?
Alastor sighed and handed them to her, if nothing else she can just have them for her puppet show.
Alastor: Just wasting my time apparently Nifty. Here, go nuts.
He left and she was so happy! He gave her a gift of her favorite ship!
Nifty: Hehehehe
They started to glow and sparkle with green magic.
Nifty: Oooou, pretty.
-
Adam: And I'm telling you, waffles are good too. Those pockets? Holds all the syrup.
Lucifer: Hmm, maybe. I like pancakes more, you can fold them like a taco.
Adam stretched: And that is your opinion. Tacos are good though, pancakes would be good for like, sweet tacos.
Lucifer: With strawberries?
Adam: Duh.
They looked as green sparkles glittered around them, they exchanged glances.
Adam: The fuck is this?
Lucifer: ....... I'm not sure.
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it's as done as im going to make it tbh. inconsistent, not perfect, but done :)
i'd say "sorry about this" but if i found a silly three minute wizards city fan animatic id lose my mind so im not sorry in the least
#adventure time#distant lands#wizard city#adventure time wizard city#flashing#(briefly)#i hate tagging things pull my TEETH OUT KILL ME#the quiet parts are so hard to fill man............... sorry. for the awkward silences (part of the audio already) and weird transitions.#sorry for the fluctuating amount of shading too. who care. sorr#expodes#who fuckin knows when any of this takes place. when it starts larrys a rock but then hes fine and spaders alive#spader hardly even dies in this#hes dead in like one bit. hes alright . this is a happy video about everyone giiggling#THE STAIRCASES MOVE. warning sign. we cant make them Stop. so. watch out!#no one should listen to single mbmbam bits this many times in a row#the implication that fish wizard causes the earthquakes or those two others think he does was really funny so i left it in there#and pb Making Fun of wizards is. actuallypreatty sad! i wanted to do a silly wizard. but i couldnt think of one. so . but its funny too.#the beginng the teachers are in front of a sign that says like ICEBREAKERS: ASK US ANYTHING!#blaine went straight for the throat of course#waves at the single huntress wizard scene. hey girlie. proceeds to never draw her again#abd like 'i can use magic to clean this:) oh. nvm. mop it is.'#animated
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Got any trans HCs for the amphibia trio? I love the many different interpretations I've seen from this fandom
I don't know about specific headcanons, I know I'm considering making Anne trans in RiAAU but I haven't decided yet.
In one hand: it would be interesting to think how she deals with her first periods because, well, amphibians don't have those, and Hop Pop assumes she's dying (she doesn't tell anyone else because she's so embarrassed). Not that he tells her that, but it really freaks him out. He thinks she has some sort of internal damage, and it's only after months of research that he finds out about some rare mammalian species, such as a few monkeys and rodents, that experience the same cycle Anne goes through. The whole point of this is that it makes Anne feel even more out-of-place. She doesn't remember her world or her parents, only that she came from "somewhere" (possibly another continent) full of people of her species, and she wonders if things would have been easier if she grew up with her biological family. I mean, surely this would be easier. It just serves as a reminder that she knows nothing about her species, not even its name, and she has no idea of how her biology works or what is good and bad for her or how long she'll live or what changes she'll go through.
.
BUT, on the other hand: Trans Anne. Let's start with the obvious: amphibians don't have penises or vaginas and they reproduce externally, meaning they like... release eggs and sperm in the water and they mix without the involvement of either parent, meaning no one knows what the cultural significance of a "penis" or a "vagina" tends to be in most human cultures. As a literaly 3yo, Anne probably didn't have an extensive understanding of s.ex and gender, and it wasn't like the clothes she showed up with told Hop Pop much. She just knew that, as time went on, she found herself relating more and more to the female frogs of Wartwood, and she almost subconsciously began to refer to herself as a girl. There wasn't any big coming out moment, more like a point in which, after months of ambiguity (this kid kept using different pronouns for herself) she just settled on some good ol' she/her and began picking somewhat girly clothes when Hop Pop took her to the market.
It's not like the concept of trans people doesn't exist in Amphibia, it's just that Anne didn't realize that was her situation until, at least, meeting Marcy, and noticing the differences between them. It's not like either of them had ever seen another human from up close, so they didn't know what to expect anyway. Anne's only encounters with Sasha beforehand had consisted on magical girl swordfighting in the sky and whatnot. Certainly not enough to discuss their unique biology, which is something Marcy is very excited to discuss, since she's never met anyone with her same "condition" before, and she wants to know everything, so she uses her as her little rat lab whenever she has the chance. Even then, since she also lacks all knowledge of human s.exual dimorphism and its cultural implications, she doesn't associate anything about either of their bodies to any specific gender that could possibly be asigned to anyone based on biological feautures. Since Sasha remembers the most from Earth, she's probably the only one who could maybe possibly remeber her mom or the kindergarden teacher saying something about "the difference between boys and girls", but by the point she's in speaking terms with Anne, and by the time she realizes their bodies are different, she doesn't really care.
That's not to say Anne doesn't experience dysphoria or that she never undergoes any kind of physical transition. It was probably around the time her voice started to change during puberty that she realized her case may be kinda unique: neither Marcy nor Sasha's voices have changed that much, she can tell even though she only sees Marcy in person like once every 3 years and all the words she exchanges with Sasha consist of death threats and insults. Plus, there's a clear difference between """male""" and """female""" voiced in frogs too. She doesn't want to sound like a man! She doesn't want to be anything like a man! Men are gross! Sorry Sprig, Hop Pop, but it's true. Men are icky icky yuck yuck and Anne is a girly girl. She doesn't want to turn into Stumpy! Or Buff Loggle! Oh, no, is that her future? She commits the triple mistake of 1) sending a letter to Marcy that same day, 2) knocking on Maddies' door promising her firstborn if she can save her from turning into Stumpy, and 3) she becomes obsessed researching mammalian biology in the archives. Bad decision. Bad bad. She's discovering things to feel dysphoric about she never even knew existed! Did you know mammalian mothers feed their offsprings with "milk" that comes from their "mammary glands"? Did Sasha and Marcy have those? She hates herself a little for checking out Marcy next time she sees her and she realizes that, indeed, in the past years she's grown a pair of those that Anne does NOT have. She notes that both she and Sasha are pretty much hairless. She used to think hair was a normal mammalian trait! That weasel that tries to eat the frogs every winter sure is covered in it!
Maddie shows up to her door with a bunch of new spells to try out, happy to have a willing subject. Most embarrassingly, Marcy starts doing her own research as soon as she gets Anne's letter and sends her all her discoveries, and now Anne feels mortified because Marcy knows about all the bad bad very bad changes she's going through (Marcy, for her part, is just fascinated by the nature of their "condition").
It takes a bit, but after a few very frenzied weeks, Anne comes to understad what's going on: her species had certain level of sexual dimorphism and she just happened to have been born with the supposed "sex" usually associated with "men" as a social category. When Hop Pop finds out, he burst into laughter. Oh, it was THAT all along! Anne made it sound so complicated, but it was just the same things he went through when he was younger, just the other way around ("Say what now Hop Pop?")! A few curses here and there and she won't have to worry about these so called "mammary glands" and "hair" anymore, though in the meantime, as Maddie perfects a human-friendly curse, she gets turned into all sort of different creatures. By the time it's done, she just wants to feel like... herself.
It's true that there are some things about her body that make her feel weird, like they don't quite fit in, but there are others she only worries about because she compared herself to Sasha and Marcy, which wasn't fair to anyone involved. Did she really want to fundamentally change parts of her body because of insecurities she developed last week over a book about lemurs? Then, a second set of fears come in: what will happen when she goes back to her place of origin? Because she does want to find her birth family. Will they recognize her, if they're looking for a boy? Will they think she's lying if she claims to be their daughter? If she changes only a few things but doesn't "go all the way", will people there think she's a freak? Will she ever be able to fit in with those of her species?
Does she really care so much about what other people think? She just wants to be herself. Some of the changes she's been going through are making her feel less like herself and more like she's being turned into a tax collector from Toad Tower. Those things have to go - her voice, for example. And she wants a more femenine silhouette (she may or may not show Maddie photos of young Mrs. Croaker as a reference). She wants a softer face. She's seeing her face changing in the mirror and she doesn't like it. She wants it to stay round and soft, not to grow hard and sharp or big and rough. She's not so sure she wants those "mammary glands". It's not like she ever thought about having kids, and the whole "breastfeeding" thing just seems gross, but after her research, and finding out she could have kids with, I don't know, maybe Marcy one day (a thought that makes her blush), she thinks it may be a good idea. She'll consider it. Maybe later. Her genitalia... well, she's used to what she has now. It already took her like 10 years to fully figure out what it was and how it worked and starting over with a whole new set just feels like too much work (also, the babies, the potential babies with Marcy). Frogs and toads have neither "penises" or "vaginas" so there's not a lot of information, and based on books about lemurs and her own empirical experience, comparing herself to other mammalian species isn't too useful. She'll leave it the way it is. She'll see if there's anything else she wants to change later, or if she wants to go back on something.
Marcy is surprised next time Anne visits Newtopia. In her letters, she described this strange transformation in excruciating detail, but seeing her in person now, holding her face in her hands, all she sees is the same Anne she's always loved.
A few more ideas:
HEADCANON: in Amphibia, two people of the same "s.ex" can reproduce through magic, which means there has to be a concious effort and intent. The external fertilization process there's no such thing as a pregnancy, and there's no such thing as s.ex. All reproduction is intentional, which means there's no need for abortion either. There are processes to destroy fertilized eggs and embryos, but they look completely different from human abortions.
Amphibians may perform acts resembling s.ex for pleasure or fun but they look different from human s.ex and have no relation to reproduction.
Andrias is the only person in Amphibia who knows enough about humans to know how they reproduce (a process he finds repulsive). He never tells Marcy, of course, though once she becomes queen, she finds his secret library and his hidden tomes on "alien biology", some of which talk about humans. He's also the only one who knows humans can have children on accident, and that Anne is the only human in Amphibia who could cause something like that to happen (he reads all of Marcy's correspondence). He knows his daughter is very close to this weird farm girl penpal of hers, and even though she's still a child, he worries for her future and the future of the crown. This new discovery could land the crown in the hands of a dynasty of aliens if he's not careful. Is it weird that he spends so much time worrying about his 12yo daughter getting pregnant from another 12yo? Yes, yes it is, but he already controls every aspect of her life, it's not like he's going to stop at her sexuality, future, real, or imaginary.
Man now that I wrote it all down, I think this option is more compelling than the first. Maybe I WILL go with this one.
#amphibia#raised in amphibia au#anne boonchuy#marcanne#trans anne boonchuy#my posts#btw i'm very cis so i want to apologize if I said anything weird. since anne here grew up in a world so different from us#i imagine the ''trans experience'' as one of the only humans in frog world must be very different from the irl ''trans experience''#so I kept it mostly personal and thinking about what would make sense in her situation#for example. we know she finds boys pretty gross and likes more girly things#so the idea of ''turning into a boy'' as she hits puberty must make her feel gross#but i'm worried that describing how i imagine the perspective of this specific characters in her very specific situation#will come across as me saying ''oh being amab is gross and disgusting and icky'' which is NOT what I want to imply#do i think this anne may feel that way about herself considering she's never met another trans person in her life (except for this Hop Pop#but it's been so long since his transition he kinda forgot about it and doesn't bring it up)#?? yes. i think her first impulse would be to feel like that#because it comes from a place of ''This Does NOT reflect me. in fact it reflects everything I hate''#aaaah i hope i'm not messing up here. i'm open to criticism btw if anyone thinks this doesn't work i'd love to hear corrections#also re: the reproduction and period talk. i hope no one is too grossed out by that. i just thought it'd make sense#like it'd make sense for andrias to worry about that#also i just find the idea funny like. amphibians don't f.uck. copulation is for gross mammals. which means they probably find mammalian#reproductive organs particularly disgusting#which probably makes the girls feel... bad đ
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botanists hate me! im sexualising plants again
#funny that i used to think this is too weird a thing to say on tumblr#who the fuck cares#nobody knows what the fuck im talking abt#well im talking abt the flowers and the bees obvs
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oh so alisaieâs exaggerated bully behavior is 80% fanon. saying this she casually picks up a large rock
#say one thing wrong to me and you will have a wonderful few days with the rock#if angry silly girls have 100 fans etc if they have 0 fans i have died#sorry i saw a YouTube meme i vehemently disliked on principle and got mad at the only child behavior-#kipspeak#she is just short tempered and uses anger to mask other more âshamefulâ emotions!!! alphy did the same thing with just deciding not#to express them. which is still not good and I think why he breaks and ends up teary so often now#this shortness does not translate to actually being mean to people. she only uses being mean as a shield for herself and being snarky#Is just fun for her. itâs fun for Me. you have to inconsequentually tease people or theyâll never learn to laugh at themselves#the twins and thancred đ«” do this thing where they have big emotions but they donât want anyone to SEE they have big weird emotions#so alphy pretends he doesnât have them under a veneer of dignity and alisaie pretends the emotions are Something Else. thancred is#just so emotionally constipated he has trouble expressing anything. heâs got enough baggage for a flatbed#anyways. alisaie is such a compassionate and kind girl and she learned how to make snarky jokes and went ham. and she hates appearing sad o#weak or vulnerable so she blocks it off with an unapproachable emotion so no one pities her and they maybe get on with the plot#it is in fact also great at getting ppl to move away from the sad or embarrassing topic. even if the tradeoff is being more offputting#she would never (grabs youtube meme) she would never seriously bully her brother. this is sibling ribbing only. Cain instinct#just leave her be she is learning how to snark humor and she loves it she loves being sharp. alphy has wit he just keeps it close#my brother didnât learn how to tell or receive a joke until he was 14 he took everything so seriously. he can do it now though and heâs#HILARIOUS. Donât tell him I said that. my man knows exactly where the funny points are even if he hasnât learned when to stop yet#too many tags. Whatever. jokey snark alisaie who sometimes compliments is happy alisaie grouchy snappy angry alisaie is way too stressed#very easy way to tell between the two. even alphy can tell between the two I believe! He tends to rib back in protest if theyâre having fun#and try to stop her if theyâre not having fun. case in point âwhat is that supposed to mean?!â vs âalisaie ryne was only trying to help.â#I know theyâre twins but thatâs such an intensely older sibling thing to do that it reels me#LONG TAGS AND THREE EDITS TO ADD ON SHORT I resent this stereotype taken too far into ooc behavior. it happened with nya#It will happen again and as a postscript let me regale you with Things U Can Notice About Character Motivation and Actionsâ#Iâm not done let me s#she and raha are friends now I decree. âhaha you like meâ SPUTTERING PROTEST FROM BOTH
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can we talk abt the dialogue with neve when she tricks that venatori guy in arlathan. please i keep thinking abt how funny it is but in a rly bad way đ
#saying things tag#it genuinely rotates in my mind#rook and neve getting their asses beat with amnesia in the space of like three seconds each#i keep giggling when i think abt it đ why did they have them repeat what they'd just learned at each other over and over#a few feet away from the venatori too im sobbinggg#when rook repeated what neve said back to neve so confidently i lost my shit like#are we okay ladies do we need a break plssss lets hit the hay after this. they need SLEEP#anyway yeah. i thought it was funny nobody get weird abt this now đ«#bioware critical#kinda sorta again. we're just having a laff now guys đ«#veilguard critical#sorry i forgor that was the tag i used lol
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online đ every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#đ [ my posts. ]#đ [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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blacked out and came to with a document full of macden
#ada speaks#ada writing macden in 2024........ hm#its all dennis introspection but i have a Plan#the funny thing abt macden is that mac is so goddamn dense i can commit to usual den shenanigans#charlie is way too perceptive it doesn't usually work#i will laugh if i manage to post this before any of my longass fics#its. playing with some concepts i have used before (i will say. victoria being conceptualized as an entirely separate person.)#i find den's separation of self really fascinating bc for me the trans experience has been. hm#playing a part for the masses but knowing who i am beneath that#its opposite for dennis but also the same. he doesn't see vicky as himself but he doesn't have a core either#he's a shell hosting her in his body but she also feels like the most authentic version of the self#and thus. gender euphoria. very weird and complicated gender euphoria.#one dennis holds himself back from expressing to its fullest extent#what was i talking about again#oh yeah macden. that's there too. i think probably den's gonna put the moves on mac but i haven't decided how itll go.....#this fic is just dennis doing psych student brain things thinking abt mac and their relationship and breaking it all down
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such is the tale of a âšchronically online hypocriteâš
#(please forgive this old folkâs rambling for a hot min bc i need to get this off my chest somehow and in some way)#tl;dr: come and get into the hw idol series!!! we have ship discourse; more ship discourse; even more ship discourse#(yes ik people should be free to ship what they do b u t claiming a noncanon ship as canon and forcing it on everyone else is. not cool.)#yes yes fridayâs mv was visually cute and ino.rinâs singing was peak b u t i feel like it has caused more harm than good in some way???#i cant b e l i e v e the jp hwtwt beef over fridayâs mv is still going on mannnnnnnnn#no less than 3 separate people have made posts along the lines of#âp l s stop using [official tags] to post about *[unnamed] non-official ships* p l s thereâs a time and place for everythingâ#and n o n e of them even remotely run in the same circles yet theyâre all banded together against a *certain* group lmfao never change hwtwt#lhy (esp yhy) shippers are always at the scene of the crime mannnnnnn#i cant see anything on their end of the naval battle (has every single lhy tag+account that i could think of blocked)#b u t itâs still really funny to witness on my twtdash against my will. i think i need to touch grass#âkyhn isnât canon either so why do you like it while being such a hater towards lhyââ#great question!!!!!! itâs bc (disregarding the movie) they actually interact really well together~~~ like the honeypre event y kâ#and also bc yukki treats hina really nicely all the time (even when she was being tsun and literally running from her feelings for him)#a n d hina loved him for who he truly was; even before his image change arc. and she also does her best to appeal to him and such~~~~~~~#but lhy. uh. they just bully hiyo 95% of the time and while they do look out for her bc theyâre pals#theyâre just pals. guys. and lxl have gone âuwu it must be u uwuâ to each other one too many times so shoehorning hiyo between them would.#be pretty weird ngl? esp since the âwidely acceptedâ portrayal of lhy as a trio is p much just hiyo x 2 dudes who dont even like each other#and. like. a branch of such portrayals usually seem to have aizo waft away from the âr/s triadâ to date mona instead which is. very weird.#some people just pick and choose aizo and mona interactions dont they. all they see is the umbrella scene and go âah yes. canonâ#they dont even read further to see how mona doesnât even use the umbrella after aizo leaves (clear rejection)#a n d how aizo doesnât even remember giving the umbrella to mona + monaâs entire existence in general after that#and thatâs not even counting the grudge mona refuses to let go of even after what looks to be literal months#so for certain shippers to just casually shoo aizo out of the hiyoharem and into monaâs unwilling arms for the sake of yhy is. weird.#and like. shouldnât he and yujiro have a say in this?? theyâre more interested in each other than hiyo so just how are they being commonly#portrayed as hiyosimps in fanon? im so confused⊠like. wouldnât they be equally obsessed with each other (as w/ hiyo) if they were a rstrio?#aaaaaa get this off my twtdash plsssssssss pls see this post twtapp pls let this affect your dumb algorithm im tired of the ship discourseee#as funny as the âlhy vs the worldâ naval warfare is itâs getting. um. very annoying!!!! and now im missing nagisa more than ever s o b s#plsplsplsplsplsplsplsplspls influence the algorithm ragepost; ik big brother is đwatchingđ so do your thingâ#(pls feel free to duke it out with me too if yâall read this i need my birdsite algorithm to le a r n that i dont wanna see stuff like this)
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But look at us Luke, we're the ones left alone, holding some rich monster's pain. All of existence, built on his violence. All of space-time, humming to life with a single inviolate rule. Give the hero something to punch.
#kate kane#duke thomas#luke fox#outsiders#dc comic edit#comic edit#dc comics#my first time using photoshop lmao#got it for free with my school adobe acc and obviously im gonna abuse it for comic editing purposes. although i skipped all the tutorials#and just fucked around so idk this isnt like impressive. couldnt find buttons for a lot of what i wanted to do but i think i was just looki#in the wrong spots. anyways yeah.#batman#panel from outsiders no 3 ofc#dont know what else i say here. this is v much the product of me procrastinating writing an essay draft#if the format is weird im sorry im on tumblr desktop which idk how to use. bc photoshop is on my computer and also i turned my phone off so#would stay off my phone and focus. which obviously worked rlly well lmao#swishy's comic edits#panelposting#not rlly but ill tag that too for personal reference. yeah#bats#anyways this issue is so funny to me. like yes lets talk about how batman is everywhere and is taking over everything and also cant die. in#a batman comic that is taking over things (notably the team name etc) from other characters#IRONY!!!!#anyways dark multiverse(? idfk) duke thomas i love you. you can kill as many versions of bruce wayne as you like <3
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walked in this morning snd my coworker says You're training today! and I said Oh.
#IM OT GOOD WITH POEPLEEE Eepecially not new people and#the girl im training is quiet And so am i so im like forcing mhself to be kind of outgoing Its torture.#And i also dont know how to..ask people to do things#or tell them to do something#Which is like. almost all of what training is#omfg im only 18 and shy whyy whyyy#well its not too bad actall6 hut inwas really nervous at first but im getting more used to it#but i gave to train people bc im a Team Lead#which means nothing to me except thay i know how to do my job#and a 50 cent pay increase than not being one Wow..!#i wanna sleep so bad#Only. 3 and half more hours after my break ends.#i am glad tho atkeast it is good experience for like.. interacting with people#this job in general has made me a lot better at that and less anxiety aroujd it#but im still a shy and quiet person to begin with#and i say weird things on accident#Its funny tbh hiw often i say something just like. Something that i think is regular and normal#and not suppsed to be a joke or comedic and ppl im talking to start laughing#lile not my intent but if youre happy im happyđ
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just hit 50k in cryptids wip :â)
#chugging along but the book is getting WRITTEN#I have 12.5 scene left btwâŠ#technically in my outline Iâm a little past the halfway point#but I think I have ~30k left to go đđ#itâs always so funny when you reach a milestone like this bc despite the agony of writing the thing you get all tingly and sappy like..#oh yeah :â) I wrote all that!! Iâve made it so far!!#ive got weird feelings abt this story but i am quite proud#itâs also been a while since Iâve progressed this far with an original project and ngl.. I really missed this feeling đ#creating is cool!!! we love writing!!!#and just you wait until I reach the end. Iâm gonna be so annoying about it (<â will most likely feel too shy to even say anything)#I wrote 5 scenes in like.. twoish weeks. which doesnât seem like a lot but with the little time I have it honestly is#so if Iâm consistent I could finish this draft in ~4 weeks???? đđđ like.#in a month I could have another book done. thatâd be crazy.#anyway. yeehaw :D#blahblahbills#lol I know this means nothing to most people bc I literally never share anything abt this project lol#ew I used lol at the beginning and end of that tag but I donât feel like retyping all that đ
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youtube
twitter moments that fundementally changed how my brain works
(video i mentioned in the tags)
#carter poast#funnies#i remember people having a hell of a time trying to figure out what the song is supposed to sound like#i don't think it's just sped up. they did weird shit to that thing#this video was passed around my mutual circle so much we all loved it#i used to be mutuals with the guy who uploaded this. he's got some other gems i think about a lot too#like glass dolphin to vitas. great video#and me making poop. meme that changed how i react when i see a chocolate ad with a chef forever#WAIG GLASS DOLPHIN TO VITAS ISNT PUBLIC. ok linking it in the post too#it doesn't say it's unlisted but you also can't find it by going to his channel so. shrugs
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