#funny starters

[98767899878]

ZELDA CDi   /   ZELDA: THE WAND OF GAMELON STARTERS.

“what if something happens to you?”

“if you don’t hear from me in a month, send [name].”

“my ship sails in the morning.”

“i wonder what’s for dinner.”

“i’m so hungry i could eat an octorok!”

“a whole month gone, and still no word.”

“i’m certain he’s alright.”

“i can’t wait to bomb some dodongos!” 

“of course i’m on your side.”

“just pick what you want.”

“monsters know better than bothering me.”

“here, have a drink.”

“that’s the last time i’m going fishing.”

“look, i got a new job!”

“i’ll fix up your sword.”

“the dead shall rise, and the living shall be their slaves!”

“this’ll make a great omelet!”

“aren’t you a mite puny?” 

“all our lovely evil! ruined! nooooo!”

“this is illegal, you know.”

“my cakes will burn!”

“you dare defy me?!”

“you will die.”

“he’s dead. let’s get out of here.”

“oh, the indignity!”

“would you kindly cut the chains that bind me?”

“you are my prisoner.”

“SILENCE.”

“you’ve killed me!”

“you better talk fast.”

“whatever i see, i shall devour.”

“you dare bring light to my lair?!”

“you must die!”

“you haven’t seen the last of me!”

“please, your omnipotence, have mercy!”

“after you’ve scrubbed all my floors, then we can talk about mercy.”

“stop looking at yourself.”

“we were just about to have a feast.”

[scotchymemes]

DEADPOOL SENTENCE STARTERS

From both movies starring Ryan Reynolds.

He is as dishonourable as he is attractive. Shit... Did I leave the stove on? House blowing up builds character. I only have twelve bullets so you’re going to have to share. I’m touching myself tonight. What the shit-biscuit?! Really? Rolling up the sleeves? I may be super, but I’m not a hero. Some of the best love stories begin with a murder. I will shoot your fucking cat! Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in? I’m just a bad guy who gets paid to fuck up even worse guys. Motherfucker, you’re the world’s worst friend. Hakuna his tatas, he’s sorry. It’s time to put balls in holes. What if I just held on and never let you go? Jesus Christ, it’s like I made you in a computer. I think we can all just agree that shit just went wrong in the most colossal way possible. I had a Liam Neeson nightmare. I dreamt I kidnapped his daughter and he wasn’t having it. That guy was already up there when I got here. Rock, meet bottom. Please don’t make the supersuit green, or animated. This place seems sanitary. One thing that never survives in this place is humor. What the fuck is wrong with you? You look like an avocado who had sex with an older, way uglier avocado. This shit’s gonna have nuts in it. Today was as much fun as a sandpaper dildo. Motherfucker should’ve worn his brown pants. It sounds even stupider when you say it. Fuck Wolverine! Every good family film starts with a great murder. Oh, I shit my pants. Kiss me like you missed me. You’re a lot smarter than I look. You can’t really live until you’ve died a little. You are not judge, jury or executioner. You’ve let me down for the last time. What did I do to piss off a grumpy old sucker with a Winter Soldier arm? Dubstep is for pussies. You sure you’re not from the DC universe? You shut your trashmouth! Luck isn’t a superpower. I guess dubstep never dies. Why couldn’t god take my hearing? It’s a goddamn fannypack and you know it, you sick son of a bitch. I have no idea what’s happening. I will bathe in the blood of your enemies. You’re just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy. Let’s fuck some shit up is my legal middle name. My body and hands are so soft. Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand. Only best buddies execute pedofiles together. And they say millennials are the hardest to reach. Damn, it feels good to be a gangster! He even runs like a fucking pervert. You sacrificed yourself for me. Is that a knife in my dick? There’s a knife in your dick.

[positivelyrpmemes]

🌻 Feel free to request RP memes

- mod Sunflower

[psi-on-blog]

things my boyfriend and i sent to each other --  sentence starters !!

❝ that will require me to remember my own password and its bold of you to assume i do ❞

❝ too late to dare me because its being done- ❞

❝ im attracted to the brazilian crab spider ❞

❝ i fucking lobe it ❞

❝ gimme the world and ill make u one ❞

❝ THATS NOT MY USERNAME-- ❞

❝ fuck you, lucifer, why would you do that to me ?? ❞

❝ I WANNA DIE BECAUSE I BURPED WHILE HAVING ACID REFLUX, WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG-- ?? ❞

❝ CAN WE ALL CALL A TRUCE AND GO AFTER SWEDEN? THEY HAVE BANANA CURRY PIZZA-- ❞

❝ both y'all venti vanilla lates with four pumps of caramel need jesus ❞

❝ never say that phrase around me because I WILL start singing the spice girls song ❞

❝ i'm already here, you soggy dick tissue ❞

❝ we both have skill, babe, i'm just the one who uses the more vulgar terms ❞

❝ I WAS ALREADY IN THERE, DOOGUS-- ❞

❝ GOD, FUCK YOU,  I HAVE CAPTAIN AMERICAS VOICE STUCK IN MY HEAD NOW ❞

[blackstonedresden]

"What are you doing with that pot, man." 

@t-raith

[samofrph-blog1]

BRANDON RODGERS STARTERS

WARNING: Some may be offense to certain people, please read with caution!

❝ I drink to forget, but I always remember. ❞

❝ I am handi-capable of math! ❞

❝ My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up! ❞

❝ When the f*ck did we get to Holland? ❞

❝ She/he’s a ghost now. ❞

❝ That mouse gotta own somebody. ❞

❝ This sweetie gonna give you diabete. ❞

❝ I’m ready to go now! They’re voting for Hillary! ❞

❝ I haven’t touched a piece of candy in 20 years. ❞

❝ _____, grab your tablet, I don’t want you talking to me. ❞

❝ Oh no, _____, he/she sucks. ❞

❝ Shopping can be really fun, shopping is for everyone! ❞

❝ I’m a mom making a difference. ❞

❝ F*ck it, it’s momma’s now. ❞

❝ IT’S FASTER IF YOU ROLL! ❞

❝ These french fries are a baby. ❞

❝ Jokes on you, I can’t read english. ❞

❝ Stop walking gay. ❞

❝ _____, why do you always set me up with the chinese uber drivers? ❞

❝ One percent, represent! ❞

❝ This is my hippity house! ❞

❝ I had to sleep on an ant hill last night. ❞

❝ Got a few demons up here, but Jesus is my helmet. ❞

❝ I collect salmon. ❞

❝ The only thing you’re hurting are my feelings. ❞

❝ There’s too many ugly people. ❞

❝ I seem to have found a little b*tch. ❞

❝ It’s not funny anymore! ❞

❝ You know I am allergic to stripes! ❞

❝ I’m feeling sad, cry for me. ❞

❝ I’m trying to watch America’s Got Talent! ❞

❝ Britain’s got talent too, dear. ❞

❝ You just earned another episode of Down-town Abbey! ❞

[iwriterpstarters]

Shit my siblings said -starters

"Mother dress like a teenager."

"You're grounded for 5 days."

"You're uglier than me!"

"Can you make these two?" about blocks of lego xD

"I'll come for 24 hours!"

"You're grounded for 5 years!"

"No! I thought that was the PSP cover not your butt!"

"Why doesn't she help around?!"

"I no your mommy!"

"Whaaattt??!!"

"He was showing me his butt!"

"Say something."

"No."

"I have to show you something!"

"...he should really lose the beard" about Jensen

"Are you fucking kidding me?! He looks insanely gorgeous!"

"OMG he looks like Messi!"

"I don't care! She shows me Sam and Dean!"

"That scene from The 100 made me cry!"

"...Is it allowed for them to use song covers?!"

"What the fuck gave you that idea??"

"DON'T TOUCH MY BUTT"

"Who the hell is down there?"

"How could you hate Minecraft?!"

"They still didn't leave?!"

"Ugh... you made me a bottom!Dean girl. Go to hell"

"What the fuck did Naruto do?!"

"Is it just me, or does Sasuke look like a girl?"

"You are an idiot."

"It's your turn to do the dishes!"

"Neymar keeps kissing Messi on the cheek- it's adorable."

"...You gonna eat that?"

" You made this?!"

"...Why are you hiding in there?"

"Come down! Mom's calling you!"

"You watched it without me!"

"Why'd you cut the call?!"

"What've you got there?"

"De-shh-troy!"

Your butt is a weakling!"

[writingcorps]

Sentence starters from things my friends & I have said on Skype (part 3)

“Ignore for SATAN.” “You’re had an early exposure to people throwing up on you.” “Honestly, I’d rather die than vomit/be near someone throwing up.” “What am I gonna do when it comes to feeding and burping a baby?” “What was that Satan joke?” “Okay guysies, I might go to sleep for now because I’m literally dead.” “I’m cool, I’m chill, I’m done bein’ a salt today.” “I’m lowkey but highkey salty.” “Responsibilities are terrifying, oh my God.” “At least with prozac there’s an end goal, but not the birth control.” “MEMES FUCK UP EVERYTHING.” “I DON’T WANNA EAT MY YOUTH WORSHIP LEADER.” “How else will you take his power?” “I just woke up so I have an excuse to fuck around for a bit.” “I have faith in your shit-togetherness.” “You’ve never seen me in my customer service mode, but I’m the happiest motherfucker on the planet." “Wattpad is a warzone.” “Isn’t 4chan a level of Hell?” “I love how Obi-Wan goes from peanut butter fluff twink to carrot cake daddy.” “I’m totally open for polyamory if his padawan is feeling left out.” “Now that the baby’s been tucked in, time to sin.” “But you can’t expect me to be able to sleep with the confirmation of his existence.” “MY SON, NO.” “He got a bad booboo.” “Can these two hacker girls be lesbians please?” “Ew, not Fifty Shades of Grey guy.” “Okay, but he is pretty good looking, even if he is Mr. 50 Shades.” “I just like yelling your name to be honest.” “Sidharth Malhotra. More like MalHOTra.” “RIP in pieces.” “I didn’t understand until I got older they were trying to make penis jokes.” “My brother and I made one of our other brothers recite Nemo from beginning to end on a car ride.”

[98767899878]

THE ERIC ANDRE SHOW SEASON 5 STARTERS.

“who gave you this number?”

“well this was an objectively terrible idea.”

“my advice for you would be to jump out of a window.”

“i save every rat i find.”

“i found this rat on the train.”

“i’m vegan.”

“it’s my last day.”

“what if a pregnant woman comes on?”

“put the catcher in the rye next to them and cops think they’re coocoo when they wake up.”

“you got a husband?”

 “i have a crush on you.”

“full disclosure, i made too much.”

“i gotta get rid of this lo mein.”

“i tried to do a trick to get on instagram.”

“i’m shitting myself.”

“they tried to kill me.”

“i still have these peanuts.”

“you fell in the water, why are you eating it?”

“it’s the only psychoactive drug that’s lemon-lime flavored.”

“someone pushed you out the plane?”

“you look like you could diffuse a bomb.”

“is she dead?”

“what the fuck is that?”

“i don’t eat hot dogs.”

“you seem on edge.”

“that is definitely illegal.”

“you ever do cocaine?”

“is that okay to say?”

“you wanna boof this cheesecake?”

“you gotta parachute it.”

“you gotta parachute it. into your ass.”

“it hurts to sit.”

“can we start over?”

“why are you trying to be all things to all people?”

“the only thing worse than a human murder is a fish murder.”

“why was the carpet up there?”

“it’s hard to say.”

“whether you’re eve or steve, this adam is one juicy apple and i wouldn’t mind to take a bite.”

“there’s some shit underneath the couch.”

“you’re wearing spiked boots. you’re supposed to be fearless.”

“spiked boots!!”

“damn.”

“that’s really nice.”

“what’s his name?”

“you’re known for dropping pretty big deuces on set.”

“those were some handsome dudes.”

[scotchymemes]

A Million Ways to Die in The West Sentence Starters

Is there anything at all I can say to get you to call this off? Look at our shadows! Our shadows look like they’re about to kiss! Somebody shoot some fucker! I took half a day off from work for this! I’m gonna rest my asshole. I almost wish you could smile in a photograph. Have you ever smiled in a photograph? Everything around here that’s not you wants to kill you. You could get killed by just going to the bathroom! Did you know that our pastor has shot two people? They literally die from their own farts! For the last three days, the highest ranking officer in our town has been a dead guy! You really shouldn’t drink and horse... We need to talk and we need to talk tonight! I got in a fight with an animal I couldn’t identify. I heard you fart once and it went like pfffwoooot! I’m not just going to take your gold, that’d be stealing! Well, look who’s up at two in the afternoon! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD, THAT WENT SOUTH SO FAST! What do you think about us spending the night together? If we really love each other, don’t you think God would be okay with it? Well, hello to you too! (...), I found the friendly locals! Sorry about that. It’s kind of a regular occurance around here. (S)He got his/her throat slit by a really fast moving tumbleweed. (S)He allowed me to be happy in a part of the world that’s otherwise fucked up. Let’s see if he gets here before you find yourself on the end of a rope. You know, supposedly there’s a guy in Texas who smiled one time when he got his picture taken. Yeah, that kind of sounds like the kind of bullshit someone would make up. Every year something like this happens! Every year people die! May I divert your attention over here just a moment? I figured only an idiot would throw away a perfectly good thing. Oh wow, that seems very unnecessary. A dollar? I’ve never seen a dollar! Show us the dollar! Take your hat off, boy! That’s a dollar bill! You just challenged (...) to a gunfight. How the fuck can you shoot like that?! Wow, you’ve never fired a gun before? I’m about to shoot a full load at your cans! You must have a million better things to do than this. There was a sheep at the whorehouse last week. Last time someone gave me one of these, I was convinced prairie dogs could read my mind. And now we just wait for the sun to set. This is really weird. Is this supposed to be like this? Supper time, you lazy prick! I look like Jane Austen threw up all over me. That’s a simulation of a fat ass.

In the very least this will be a good way to spend my last night alive. I hope you’re enjoying your drinks as much as my horse enjoyed making them for you! Big day tomorrow. Care for a last dance? How about I steal a bottle of booze and we get out of here? Your dick’s out. Here you go. You can now buy your girlfriend/boyfriend a brain! How are you so blind with eyes that big? This has been in my family for about 97 generations. Whatever happens tomorrow, I just want to say thank you. I couldn’t have gotten this far without you. I still feel like I don’t know anything about you. Everytime I bring it up, I feel like you change the subject. There’s something about connecting over mutual hatred that’s just so much deeper than mutual love.  I’ve never been happy for 30 seconds in a row in my entire life. No one’s ever done anything like this for me. You’ve just been a really good friend to me, that’s all. Good luck tomorrow. I’m going to be there. Do you think you guys are going to have sex together? Oh look, another thing that could kill us. We should all just wear coffins as clothes. You don’t think that’s maybe something you would’ve wanted to tell me? Oh my god, why are all the non-murderers taken? Every person I end up falling in love with ends up disappointing me and every time I’m surprised. I knocked him out and stuck a daisy in his asshole. That was the real me, possibly for the first time in my entire life. He always shoots on two. Now, how the fuck do you make a fire? Under these circumstances, I think God would forgive us. Please don’t shoot us on sex night! Because your people are such big assholes, I am going to light you on fire. Please untie me, and I’ll tell you! You’re totally going to freak out and probably die. I’m so fucking rich I can have all the liquor I want! I don’t think that’s the real president. Sometimes for a man to find true happiness is to take drugs in a group. We haven’t actually done it, if that makes any of a difference. You really do have a death wish, don’t you? Before you kill me, just grant me a few last words! Hey, sorry I killed your husband. You know, there’s probably going to be some reward money.