#funny how g-d works

[shalom-iamcominghome]

It's my first time making a round challah!

I think it looks kind of like the cat toys I used to get for my cat, but making this got me in the holiday spirit. It's definitely not pretty, but I've always been a function over aesthetics kind of guy, and in my excuse... This is the first time I've woven and braided a dough (learn how this one was braided here! It's at minute three!).

I'm honestly glad for 5784 to be over... I've got so many things I should do to make 5785 better, and I wish that everyone making new year's resolutions have a smooth journey in achieving them all🩵

May we be inscribed in the book of life and receive blessings, and bless g-d for sustaining us to this moment

[lovesickeros]

popping in randomly after almost an entire month just to talk non stop about the tsaritsa again everyone sit down.

specifically just thinking about the implications of tsaritsa's ideals originally being about love + the abandonment of those ideals to complete her goal of, presumably, destroying Celestia or whatever she's cooking up. to the point even her people don't love her and I probably don't even remember a time her ideals were of love. now it's all just ice and snow and cold.

which makes romantic fics w her even funnier because she's purposely removed this part of herself and suddenly reader walks into teyvat like they own the place (they do) and I can only imagine her reaction. angry, probably. because why you? what are you doing to her that's caused her hundreds of years of strict adherence to rejecting "love" both from others and to others to just. collapse. absolute shattering of her world and you probably don't even know it bc if nothing else she's good at hiding it. a lot of denial. tries to pick you apart and see what's makes you so different.

and oh she just hates it. she loathes it.

basically one sided enemies to lover trope because she can't stand you for a while but if you stick around she starts warming up to you and it makes it WORSE. so much worse. tries to distance herself but your just everywhere and it gets on her nerves because why does she love you? she isn't capable of love, not anymore. she thought she was.

g-d forbid one of the harbingers or PIERRO notices she'd never live it down. might even consider the implications of just killing you (she doesnt). worse if you know about it and act like a brat she will lose her damn mind

just the tsaritsa being an absolutely horrible mess internally.

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

so tormented that i am currently working on two different stories about ex-druggie chicagoan jewish guys being in bands and supernatural forces fuck everything up. one features actual G-d and a messenger Angel is a central character and the other one has ghosts and shit.

the two are different enough that they are separate characters but similar enough that it's obvious that they are both based on myself. i'm doing bad btw.

[prijune]

Behold more ocs from the back.

[oglegoggle]

It bothers me when folks insist that there are literally no good reasons to surrender pets because it destroys their hearts. Like…. My dude…. That evil fuckin cat that slashed my literal eyeball should be surrendered. I found new homes for my three cats because I couldn’t take having multiple panic attacks triggered every single fucking day because they’ve got claws and I’ve got a new dose of fresh PTSD caused by that demon slashing my eye. I still can’t sleep well because of the nightmares about it. The pain and the blood and the temp blindness in that eye and the extreme fear. It’s been months. My life was fucking destroyed and my love of cats ripped from my soul. But I’m the villain? No. Needs drastically change sometimes and it sucks for everyone involved. It wasn’t good for me having cats around. It wasn’t good for my cats to have their only human destabilized and constantly rejecting their affection. They’ve got a new home where all three miraculously got to stay together and are dearly loved again as they deserve to be.

[pettytiredandjewish]

Not me and my bosses getting distracted during our meeting by listening to video game music 😂

[koushirouizumi]

{...Apparently I un-locked something by making this post}

[xxsabitoxx]

Nanami Kento NSFW A-Z

Part of my 20k follower celebration (past due)

Warnings: if it isn’t abundantly clear, this is smut :)

A/N: in honor of hitting 20k followers a while back, I’m going to be posting 10 NSFW alphabets for JJK men — scheduled post 9 :)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Kento prioritizes aftercare, he doesn’t care how tired he is after the fact. He’s making sure you are happy, comfortable and your needs are cared for. Kento will make sure you enjoyed yourself, making sure to ask if he was too rough or if there was anything you didn’t enjoy. He’ll ask if you’re sore at all and will take the time to massage where you’re tender. He’ll clean you up and get you water if needed. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He’s prone to saying all of you. There isn’t one part of you that he doesn't deeply adore, but when it comes down to it… especially if you tell him he can only name one thing… he’ll say your chest. Kento is a boob/chest lover. Doesn’t matter if they’re huge, big, average, small, flat, Kento adores your chest. 

On his own body, Kento is quite fond of his thighs. He’s a bit shy about admitting that but he thinks they look pretty damn good in his suit pants and workout attire. He also thinks they look pretty damn good when you’re grinding down on them. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Bless him, Kento loves coming all over your chest. He loves seeing his pearly cum paint your chest in ropes, going as far as to smear it further before sticking his fingers into your mouth to clean them. He thinks he’s a little bit sick for having  that fascination  but you assure him you enjoy it just as much as he does. And, like most, Kento will never turn down coming inside of you if presented with the opportunity. Though he’s guilty of doing the same thing he’ll do to your chest… collecting whatever drips out before plunging them back inside of you or bringing them to your pretty mouth. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

If given the opportunity, Kento would gladly wear your underwear. But not a clean pair… no they have to be already worn, maybe even with a stain or two from your own arousal. Though he can’t last very long in them, getting way too worked up to not take them off and use them to jerk himself until he’s spilling all over them. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Kento may not have much experience, but you’d never know it. He loves raunchy novels, opting to read them in his free time when he can. He’s not huge on porn but when he was younger it was his go to. Kento has no shame in actually putting research into these things because he wants to make sure his future partner is satisfied whether they are his first or his fifth. So when he fucked you for the first time, you’d never ever guess that you were only his second “hook up” which evolved into much more. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Kento is a sucker for cowgirl. Both regular and reverse, he loves watching your face as you struggle. The position also allows him a perfect view, he gets to watch his cock disappear and reappear inside of you over and over until you topple over and beg him to take over. Kento works out often, so it’s not surprising that he’s able to angle you just right and thrust up into you without breaking a sweat. He’s also partial to watching your body bounce and jiggle every time you drop yourself down on him. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Kento leans heavily on the more serious side of things when it comes to sex. It’s like… mildly impossible that he’ll crack a joke or say something funny when fucking you. He’s serious but not in a way that would make you uncomfortable, if that makes sense. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Kento maintains his hair very well, not too long and not too short. He prefers to have some hair down there opposed to bald. He actually did shave it all off once and was not a fan of the regrowth process so he decided to not do it again. Also yes, it’s blonde like the rest of him but just a tad darker, like his eyebrows. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Kento is a little awkward at first with intimacy and being romantic during sex. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be, he’s just unsure on how to go about it without making himself cringe. He wants to make sure you’re comfortable with the things he does and says but that takes time to learn through trial and error. But once he’s used to the whole idea, he’s pretty romantic when fucking you. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Kento rarely jacks off now in his late twenties. When he was younger he would do it probably 2-4 times a week mostly to unwind, but now that he’s really gotten busy with sorcery work (and he had you) he doesn’t really have the time alone anymore. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Hair pulling… choking… orgasm control… things that all mildly bleed into the realm of BSDM. Kento was a bit surprised when you thought he would be more on the vanilla side of things. Kento is also heavily into breast play (both giving and receiving) and spanking. He likes being called sir but doesn’t know how he feels about daddy.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Any location in your home but preferably the bed, countertop, couch or dining room table. If he’s very daring he would fuck you stupid in a public but private space (such as an empty classroom in jujutsu tech and/or his old office) 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Cuddling… not to say he can’t cuddle and keep it G rated… but when you’re laying in bed with your ass pressed into his groin and you purposely start wiggling your hips? He’s done for. Kento lives for your massages, the way your hands dig into his tense shoulders and slowly move lower. He also really enjoys you wearing his clothing… with nothing underneath. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Kento downright refuses to do anything cuckolding or threesome related. It just isn’t for him. Now he’s not going to say it will never ever happen because who knows. But at this point in his life, he is not willing to share you and quite frankly you aren’t willing to share him. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

GIVING. Kento is utterly obsessed with giving head. He would spend hours between your thighs if he could (what's stopping you hmmm). Kento uses it as a way to calm down and unwind after a stressful day, lapping at your sex until you’re mewling and making a mess of yourself. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Kento is slow and sensual, even when he needs to take some stress off. He’s rolling his hips into you deeply, so slowly that it's impossible to not feel every inch of his cock penetrating you. The only exception to this is when you are riding him. You set the pace and Kento is more than willing to accommodate it and keep up with it when you inevitably get tired.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Kento isn’t super into quickies, he doesn’t like being in a rush when it comes to sex. He likes to take his time with you, blocking out the rest of the world for an hour or two while he treats himself to some much needed “self care” aka a hot shower, a good meal, and fucking you senseless until his bones feel like jelly and he can’t move. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Kento isn’t super risky, he’s open to trying a handful of things but he’s not really keen on it. Kento is also not into the idea of public sex… at least in locations where there is no door to lock or there is a highly likely chance that you’ll be seen and/or walked in on. So overall, not that huge of a risk taker but he’ll try something new here and there. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Nanami can last anywhere from 5-8 minutes per round. The amount of rounds he can go depends on how tired and/or stressed out he is. Typically he can always go two rounds if you’re up for it. The most you’ve ever gone with him was six total rounds but he says he can go longer… 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Kento is more reserved in this sense but he will buy a vibrator if you want one (he already owns one…) he’ll use his ties as restraints and his own hands for “spanking”. He can think of alternatives for pretty much everything but a vibrator. But if you really want to buy some sex toys, Kento will amuse you and buy them. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Kento?? Unfair?? Yeah no. Kento may tease you when you are alone, a teeny bit in bed, but he is all about you and your pleasure… even when he’s stressed or mad. He will never withhold anything from you while fucking and he will never tease you until you’re crying. He much prefers making you cum so many times you’re delirious from pleasure. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Kento is definitely on the quieter side but that is mildly due to his deeper voice. Kento isn’t really one to moan, he’ll groan and curse and gasp more than moan. But that’s not to say he can’t. If you’re getting him off real good? A couple unrestrained moans will slip in there and you’ll notice his cheeks flush because of it. You tend to leave it be, not teasing him about making such noises because you know if you do he’ll probably never make the noises again. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Loves taking dirty pictures for you. He was so awkward about it at first when you initially asked him for a nude/dick pic. But that awkwardness actually worked to his advantage because the nude you received was good enough to be framed in your opinion. After the first one, Kento is an accidental pro and lewd photo taking and even has a folder in his phone for all of the ones he’s taken… he also has a separate folder of your nudes and nudes he’s taken of you. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Kento is 5.5 inches when soft and a whole 7.5 when hard. He’s a big boy, girthy like the rest of him and he sticks straight out. He’s a nice tan color with a pretty pink tip, a few prominent veins running up his shaft too. He’s a bit shy about his size because he knows he’s quite large so he keeps that in mind when getting ready to fuck you. He’s understanding when you go down on him, encouraging to take things slow and not force yourself to take more of him than you can handle. He likes to massage your jaw after, and praise you. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Kento’s sex drive isn’t astronomically high but he will never say no to sex when you offer/initiate something. He’s easily turned on by some of the things you do but he also has enough will power to control his desires. He’s quieter, which makes him freakier idc what anyone says. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Kento can fall asleep within two minutes after sex but he keeps himself up to make sure you are clean and comfortable. He’ll pull you in close, wrapping his arms snuggly around you and try his damn hardest to wait for you to fall asleep first. It’s really a 50/50 on if he’ll win that battle.

[minswriting]

SPENCER REID NSFW ALPHABET

A = Aftercare

spencer is so good at aftercare!! after any session, he’s holding you, giving you kisses, or you’re doing that to him. he’ll see if you need anything while giving you the softest of smiles. he just loves you! and wants you to be taken care of!

B = Body Part

spencer’s favorite body part on himself are his hands and fingers. he loves to finger you, making you cum with nothing more than just his hands. however, on you, he loves your waist. he likes to grip it during sex or to just pull you to him by your waist while you’re walking down the street together.

C = Cum

when spencer cums, he cums a lot. and it has everything to do with the fact that he doesn’t have a lot of time to jerk off. so he really only ever has release when he’s with you. he will literally paint your whole entire body with his cum and then use it as lube to fuck you.

D = Dirty Secret

spencer is a switch (it’s not the secret) and would love for you to tie him up and blindfold him while you’re riding his cock. it’s the idea of being at your mercy every once in a while that really gets him going. but being who he is, he’s just too shy to mention it.

E = Experience

i don’t think spencer has a lot of experience at all. but due to his intelligence level, he’s a fast learner and loses his virginity with the knowledge of already knowing how to make you cum. once the two of you are comfortable with one another, it’s literally the best sex ever.

F = Favorite Position

spencer’s favorite positions definitely are missionary, riding, and one where you’re on your stomach lying down and his front is pressed against your back while he’s fucking you. it’s just so sensual and deep and just feels oh so good.

G = Goofy

depending on the mood, i think spencer can be a bit goofy. but it’s not like being funny. it’s just things to lighten the mood like a little giggle here and there or a comment about how beautiful you look while he has the softest smile on his face.

H = Hair

spencer most certainly had a happy trail and is actually very well groomed down there. he likes to maintain it simply because he likes to look clean. on you, however, he doesn’t care. so even if you have a bush, he’s eating you out like a starved man.

I = Intimacy

he’s very intimate when you guys have time to take your time. he’s maintaining eye contact with you, holding you close to him while he’s fucking you or you’re riding him, and regardless, he’s telling you how much he loves you and how beautiful you are. intimacy is like the norm for him when it comes to sex.

J = Jack Off

it’s very rare for spencer to jerk off but when he does it’s when he’s in the shower and he’s pumping his cock hard and fast in order to get some sort of release. this usually happens when he’s on long cases and he’s unable to stop thinking about you and your cunt.

K = Kink

okay so he’s got quite a few. when he’s feeling more subby, he’s lowkey got a mommy kink. but when he’s in his dominant mood, he wants you to call him sir. i feel like spencer is also very huge in body worship. he’s got a huge praise kink (giving and receiving) and a huge degradation kink (giving and receiving). also lowkey he’s into somnophilia.

L = Location

he prefers to have sex in the comfort of your bedrooms. however, you guys have definitely fucked in the restroom at the bureau. and at a few bars. and in the car. and in the kitchen. and in the living room. honestly you guys have fucked in every room in your apartments.

M = Motivation

you. just simply you. he’ll take one glance at you while you’re working on something and he would start imagining you on your knees in front of him. or him on his knees eating you out while you’re doing your work. he just wants you wholeheartedly.

N = No

this definitely stems from the trauma of his profession but anything that hurts you or is a risk to your life in any way, shape, or form is a big no for him. he can do choking but not enough for you to actually lose your breath.

O = Oral

HE LOVES IT!! spencer is such a munch. he will eat you out for ours and make you cum at least twice on his tongue before he does anything else. he is also big on receiving it too. 69 all the way baby 😏😏

P = Pace

definitely depends on the mood. when he’s stressed and just needs release, you guys are fucking hard and fast. but if you both just want to feel close to one another, you guys are fucking slowly and sensually, clinging to one another for dear life.

Q = Quickie

loves them. especially early in the morning right before he has to get ready for work. you wake him up by riding his cock and he’s whining beneath you. god it’s his favorite thing. he also loves bending you over the counter and taking you from behind.

R = Risk

spencer likes to think he’s modest and would not take any risks. but he’s lowkey an exhibitionist and gets off on the idea of being caught at some point. so he’ll fuck you in places like the bathroom or fitting rooms.

S = Stamina

depends on the day but usually he has enough stamina to do two rounds. when he’s exhausted though, he can only do one.

T = Toys

loves them! especially when he’s away, he wants to call you while you’re fucking yourself with a dildo, imagining his cock inside of you. he absolutely adores using vibrators on you to tease the hell out of you too.

U = Unfair

dom spence can be so unfair. he loves to overstimulate you and do orgasm denial. but he also loves it when you do the same to him. deny his orgasm until he can’t help but cum without your permission. or overstimulate him until he’s got nothing left.

V = Volume

he’s very vocal. he’s a whiner, a whimperer, a moaner, a groaner. he’ll praise you, talk dirty to you, talk you through it. and he loves it when you reciprocate it. he’s not afraid to make noise with you.

W = Wild Card

spencer loves getting pegged.

X = X-Ray

i think spencer is just above average. he’s about seven or eight inches but his cock is skinny, not girthy. especially due to his thin and lean build. but he knows what to do with it. and regardless, you’ll be cumming on his cock.

Y = Yearning

i think he’s someone with a high sex drive but with immense self control. he wants you 24/7. but he knows to control himself because sex isn’t as big of a priority as is making sure you’re both happy and thriving.

Z = ZZZ

depends on the day but spencer will always do aftercare before falling asleep. so i would say he would fall asleep at least a half an hour after sex.

[eustasskidagenda]

Okay, this post is not based on a request. I kept thinking about it for hours and finally decided to write it down: how the OP characters would text their s/o. So here are some texting headcanons for some of my favorite characters: Eustass Kid, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Sabo. I'll probably write a part 2 with my other beloved characters: Luffy, Marco, Killer, and Robin. :D

☆Texting HCs for Kid, Law, Sanji, Zoro & Sabo

CW : g/n reader, MDNI, Kid is cursing, fluff, funny, partly nsfw, mention of alcohol for Zoro 

WC : 2k

Kid

Your name/photo in his contacts: mine. With a photo of your ass, obviously. And when he's mad at you, he renames you mid(ge).

Such a brat.

His wallpaper: a cool photo of his motorbike (I'm sorry but Kid is that kind of man in love with his own bike/car. But it's okay, he's still my favorite.) Or, a pic of your ass.

What kind of pictures are in his gallery: your ass, random photos of your face when he’s teasing you, his bike, and some punk stuff (music, makeup, outfit etc.)

His fav emoji : none.

He likes to send really, really shorts messages. Like : 

"Hi" "u know" "i have an idea" "So listen:"

Goddam Kid, just write the WHOLE sentence in one message.

He's sending you random pictures of his torso, just to flex with his big tiddies.

And you have to respond with a heart emoji and praise him each time.

If you want, he's more than willing to send dick pick too. 

Again, you have to praise him. Even if the pictures are absolutely non-aesthetic. He's blessing you with his cock after all. 

"Babe, you don't know how to take beautiful pics of your dick." "WTF SHUT UP???????? It's MY dick???!!! OF COURSE IT'S BEAUTIFUL??!!!" 

Yeah, Kid is clearly using extra punctuation. 

Oh, sure, each morning, you receive a mirror selfie of his outfit of the day. Such a punk fashion icon. "Rate my outfit on a scale of amazing to amazing" 

He doesn't use emojis because they sound too soft and stupid. "em0teS aRe f0r s0fT b0ys Y/N"

If you complain about his messages looking cold, he might use random emotes to annoy you like "UgH iF U wAnt 🦬" (with that stupid dumb sponge bob meme)

Whenever he calls you, it seems like he's yelling through the phone. 

He likes using caps lock like "HEY Y/N, WANNA FUCK TONIGHT??????" 

He's sending you random punk/rock music. And you have to listen and react to every single music, otherwise he's so pissed off. He is sharing his world with you, the less you can do is interact with him. 

He also loves sending some pics of what he's working on, because Kid likes to repare/custom some cars or motorbike. 

And last thing, I like the idea of Kid Pirates being a punk music band, so sure, Kid loves to send you some videos of him playing guitar. "My fingers are skilled in three things : music, crafting and fingering you all the fucking day long"

His phone is so damaged because he throws it every time he gets angry (like every two minutes).

Law

Your name/photo in his contacts: y/n-ya. With a cursed picture of you. Just to tease you with it. 

His wallpaper: nothing, just the random by default home screen. In his view, wallpapers are useless and pointless.

What kind of pictures are in his gallery: random pictures you took of him, emo memes, and boring stuff about medicine or basic hygiene rules for Luffy. And a guide to "how to stop screaming and how to control your anger: a guide for children" for Kid. 

His favorite emoji: 🖕🏻

Whenever you annoy him with a stupid joke or a prank you saw on TikTok, his immediate reaction is to block you. He's so annoyed, please, leave him alone. He is immediately aware that it is a prank. Luffy always does the same to him before you do.

He's never using capital, it's for the emo aesthetic, like 'I hate bread'. Nope. But ✨"i hate bread."✨, yeah, much better

And yes, he uses "." everytime, it's for the dark and tired emo aesthetic. 

He always leaves a group conversation as soon as you include him. Please, he's so pissed off by those kinds of things. 

He's able to leave your message seen for days. Just because he was busy and forgot about what you said. If you need an answer, sure, try to call him. He always keeps his phone in silent mode. 

He likes to send you cool articles that he reads. Especially about medicine, tattoos or nerd stuff like movies, books, games etc.

"wanna go to a date tattoo with me tomorrow?" 

That kind of question is clearly his love language

He enjoys teasing you with random photos of his tattooed fingers or chest. "I bet you miss these fingers." And yeah, he's clearing curling his fingers on the pic like he would do when they are inside you. He's really good at teasing you with photos. 

Kid and Luffy steal his phone whenever he's with them. So be ready to receive a lot of ugly pictures of Law (taken by the chaotic duo), middle fingers from Kid, and blurry meat pictures from Luffy. 

Poor Law deserves a break.

Sanji 

Your name/photos in his contacts : 💗💘🛐Mon Amour (my love)🛐💘💗 With the most beautiful picture of you. 

His wallpaper : a cute couple photo.

What kind of pictures are in his gallery : a lot of cooking videos or photos, you, aesthetic pic of the sky and a private album with some hot nudes that you sent to him.

His favorites emojis : 💘💗💖🛐💍🧎🌺🌸🌹🫦🥰😘🧑🏻‍🍳🍽🍷🥘 (yeah, Sanji LOVES emojis)

He's always texting you back. If he can't reply within a second, he won't open the text. Sanji, leaving his beautiful s/o with that awful "seen"? Never. 

All the mornings "good morning sweetheart 💘" and all the evenings "sleep well sweetheart, dream about me 💖"

He wants to take a cute and aesthetic pic of the both of you all the days. 

He bombards you with pictures of his cooking. It's cute, but also annoying because he can't help but send extra long texts. He describes every single action he did, along with recipes and tips. 

He enjoys seeing your outfit of the day. He can attempt to match his clothes to yours. 

Random "I love you 💖" and "if no one told you you were pretty today : you're the prettiest 🥰" 

He enjoys sending you cooking videos. "We should eat this tonight. What do you think? 🧑🏻‍🍳"

He's pretty good at sexting. He knows how to take aesthetic photo of his hands, back, or mouth. Not just an ugly dick pick (Kid, Zoro, I'm looking at you). And he also likes to leave you some message like.

I would sit you down on this table if you were with me right now. You know, the one in your kitchen where he had dinner with your parents yesterday? I would gently kiss your neck, fondle your chest, and slowly kneel between your legs until you shout my name. You would pull on my hair, begging me to keep going until you cum repeatedly on my face.  👅 "

And if you send him a nude, well, he's going to die from a nosebleed.

Rest in peace, Sanji. 

Zoro

Your name/photos in his contacts : "y/n". You pick a picture for him because Zoro and phones are not compatible.

His wallpaper : a cool katana

What kind of pictures in his gallery : gym selfies, katanas and alcohol (all with ugly quality)

His fav emojis : 👍🏻 and 😴 Like:

"hey Zoro, you're alright" 👍🏻

"Zoro, wanna hang out?" 😴

"Babe, what are you doing?" 😴

"… am i annoying you?" 👍🏻

He can responds to absolutely anything with those two emojis. 

Zero is so oblivious, so let's be honest: he is not good at using phones. Almost every day, he forgets his phone at home. And even if he didn't forget about it, it's probably on silent mode or just off.

He doesn’t know how to use the keyboard, so prepare yourself for coded-message like "o!. @= sp⛑t t🧹day???/!df🆎e !!"He can't even use the excuse "my cat walked on my keyboard", he just sucks with technology.

Your messages are often "seen ✔️" and that's all. Not because he wants to be mean, just... he didn't understand the concept of answering every text. He takes all of your messages as random information. Like "Hey, I'd love to see you tonight!". Well. OK. Message understood. That's all.

The only application he has on his phone is Google Maps. Even with it, he still gets lost. "Turn left." Without a doubt, he turns right. 

Once, he tried to please you with a dick pic. But the photo was just terrible: bad luminosity, an ugly close-up of his cock, blurred as fuck, and you can see the dirty tissue behind him.

He doesn't answer when you call him because he's either asleep or at the gym (or drunk).

Once, he also tried to send you a voice message, but it was just the sound of the wind. He forgot to talk closer to the microphone.

Sabo 

Your name/photos in his contacts : "my revolutionary 🎩💛". With a beautiful pic of your smiling face. 

His wallpaper : a symbol of revolution. 

What kind of pictures in his gallery : petition screenshots, his brothers, you, anti-capitalist memes and a private album with some hot pic of you (naughty Sabo)

His fav emojis : 🔥✨🖕🏻💛✊🏻😡😏😎🤩👉🏻👌🏻🫵🏻

Sabo is... complicate. Sometimes, he doesn't answer for WEEKS. And sometimes he's extra chatty. And when he's chatty well...

Sabo is always spamming you with petition links. "Save the dolphins", "save the monkeys", "fuck capitalism", "for the resignation of *insert random politician name*" 

"Hey sweetheart, manifestation tomorrow. See you there!! 🫵🏻" 

When it's not petitions, it's probably videos or articles. Sabo is a pure revolutionary. Be prepared to receive lengthy texts when he wants to fight for a cause. It's cute, honestly. He's really involved and passionate. 

"You, me, on a trip tomorrow?! 😏"

Sabo has a knack for surprising you with trips, so prepare yourself. This man craves adventure and surprises. He wants you to join his crazy journey. 

Sometimes, he's using proper grammar and punctuation, sometimes he's using a lot of !!!!!!!!??????? And caps lock. Especially when he's furious about something.  He makes a lot of typo errors because he's always in a rush while typing.

Let's fught  *figrt *fijkt *FUCK *LET'S FIGHT (and fuck)

He enjoys taking pictures of you unexpectedly because it makes you seem more natural. 

"So… sweetheart… we have a new roommate" with a cute pic of a dog/frog/duck/snail/whatever. Sabo has a kind heart. If he sees a wounded or abandoned animal, he feels obliged to adopt it.

And regarding spicy texts… 

Sabo is a kinky boy. So sure, he's thirsty when it comes to sexting/nudes. As a revolutionary, he is also very careful. He always asks you first before sending you nude or spicy texts. If you're willing, then prepare yourself.

A bunch of nudes. Since he's good with them, he won't display his dick in a weird and unattractive angle to you. He enjoys showing you his hands when he's wearing his gloves. Or a mirror photo of his back.

"I know you will scratch it when I'll fuck you tonight 😏"

You're not forced to send him nude or spicy texts back. He respects your boundaries without exception. And if you send him a photo anyway, he's also really nice. Always a comment like "your ass is soooooo good with this angle. I can't believe I'm that lucky 🥵" and if he wants to save a photo for his collection, he's always asking if it's okay with you.

"Sweetie, i have a new toy for you… 💛"

We all know what he's talking about. Naughty Sabo.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Woke up to Larry gone. My brother is still sleeping in the livingroom, though, so I have to assume Larry has done a Dissapearing Act, and my brother is never gonna step foot in his room again 😄😅😆

This gentleman is Larry. The picture doesnt do him justice but he's about 4 inches wide (maybe 5 if he stretched), and he's living above my brothers bed. I woke up to my brother asleep on the couch in the living room this morning XD

Why don't I go and remove him myself?? Do my brother a solid??

... well, see, my brother has h u g e feet, and his room is right next to mine, and I'm sick of hearing him stomping around in the middle of the night. Larry, on the other hand, is a silent neighbour and I'm very happy to have him.

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Context for my dumb discussion question: I'm aware that we shouldn't invoke anyone other than g-d for help - for instance, you wouldn't pray to or ask saint anthony to help you find your keys you misplaced in last night's drunken stupor. However, I want to see what everyone's standards are.

Dumb discussion question: Is it wrong of me to invoke Todd Howard when I am climbing up mountain in a video game? I play so many video games, and Skyrim has a very unique feature where you can climb basically any surface that isn't ninety degrees, henceforth I started calling this method of travel "todd howarding/todding it." When I'm climbing up any mountain that I really don't know if I'll make the summet in a video game, I've found I say, "come onnnn, todd howard." Because I find it funny.

This isn't a serious discussion question - I am not about to worship todd skyrim howard as a deity. I believe in and say the shema, I promise 😭

[ilyrafe]

𝒔𝒐𝒇𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒑𝒉𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒕 ✧ 𝒓. 𝒄.

A - affection (how do they show affection)

rafe isn’t the most affectionate person in the world, but when he feels comfortable and safe enough, he makes a point of showing you how dear you are by giving you expensive gifts and unique experiences like a weekend on a yacht, away from everything and everyone, or a dinner at an expensive restaurant in new york city, with ward’s private jet. he spares no effort to show you that he can take care of you as he thinks you deserve. he’s also not very good with words, but rafe is an extremely transparent person, so his face says it all. his eyes always soften when he’s looking at you, and that says more than any diamond necklace or any declaration of love.

B - balance (how do they balance you, work/school/life?)

maybe rafe is a bit of a workaholic, money and power are very important things to him, but he goes out of his way to try and fit you into his life. he doesn’t always succeed, but he tries.

C - cuddles (do they enjoy cuddling? what positions?)

he’s not used to being cuddled, so naturally he doesn't do it to anyone. most of the time, you are the one who initiates the gesture, and it takes a long time for him to reciprocate and not feel awkward. whenever rafe is anxious, you cuddle him until you feel him calming down, and your cuddles are healing. they help immensely. he had never felt so loved and safe. you two normally stay quiet, just wanting the comfort of one another after a hard day, but sometimes, he’ll ask you stuff here and there.

D - date (what was your first date?)

after a few weeks of just pretending that neither of you had any serious feelings for the other, rafe invited you to dinner and you accepted. he was relaxed, in a good mood and even made jokes that made you laugh and throw your head back. he didn’t seem to be the same rafe who walked around with kelce and topper with an air of superiority. he was funny, smart, cute and perhaps the most interesting person you’ve met.

E - excited (how excited do they get when they see you/are with you?)

your presence calms him enough for him to organize his thoughts. it doesn’t mean he’s going to vent to you, but your presence makes you feel at ease. he loves seeing you, especially after long periods of time, when he needs to travel for work and you can’t go. he’ll make sure he’ll make up for the time he was away.

F - fighting (what happens when you fight)

your first fight was a big fight, which made rafe understand that you’re not as submissive as he would like, because you’re not afraid of him and you hit him head on with the same tone he uses when he’s angry. in the first fight, rafe just took out all his frustrations on you, which made you mad. this fight almost ended the relationship, because you already had some unpleasant things about him that were stuck in your throat and everything ended up exploding, but after a long conversation, you got it together and now rafe thinks five times before thinking of taking out his problems on you.

G - gorgeous (pet names. what do they like to call you? what do they like to be called?)

rafe is quite simple, he calls you “babe” or “baby”. he rarely calls you by your name.

H - hi (first time meeting)

you met at a party he was throwing at tanny hill, as a friend of his took you. you apologized for crashing the party, but rafe thought you were adorable and obviously gorgeous. you praised the mansion and said you were having fun, and he promptly said you could come over whenever you wanted, but he didn’t say it with a sexual connotation, but rather a friendly one. he offered to show you other parts of the house and that certainly attracted some looks.

I - intimacy (how romantic they are)

rafe hasn’t had many romantic experiences in his life, he was never attracted to the idea of ​​dating until he met you, so he found himself searching the internet for “romantic gestures”, “how to impress a woman” and things like that. he wanted to do everything right, he wanted you to see that he was taking you seriously. he likes to take you to dinners, he gets you flowers and expensive gifts.

J - jealousy (do they get jealous?)

both of you get jealous of each other, actually. he doesn’t like to see you talking to other boys, except kelce and topper, but you don’t stop having male friends because of that, after all, you don’t stop him from having female friends either (if he wants to). you tend to feel jealous when you see him getting along with an ex girlfriend or even a former hookup.

K - kisses (where do they like to kiss you/how often?)

in public, rafe gives you quick kisses here and there, sometimes on your hand, but mostly on your lips. in private, he’s quite passionate and loves to kiss your neck and collarbones. he also kisses your forehead a lot, especially when you’re asleep! when you spend time apart for whatever reason, his kisses are urgent (which you absolutely live for).

L - love (when was the first time they said i love you or realized it?)

rafe realized he was in love with you when you spent a whole night comforting him after a terrible fight with ward and sarah. you did everything. you held him, you let him cry, you let him vent and you never let go of him. he never felt so loved in his life before, no one never really heard him before. you were so caring and understanding, never interrupting him.

M - moving in (when do you decide to move in together)

after a few years of relationship, rafe proposes that you move in together, after all, you are already adults and you know that you will be “together forever”. you don’t think twice. you spend more time with him than in your own home anyways.

N - newborn (their reaction to starting a family)

the thought of being a dad worries him a lot, actually. he doesn’t want his children to turn out like he (or sarah) did, he doesn’t want to repeat ward’s mistakes. he wants to do everything right. when the topic arises, he begins to read about parenthood, how to raise kids and all that stuff, which makes you certain that if you’re gonna have kids, they’re gonna be his.

O - open (how open you are with one another)

at first, he’s not open with you at all, but you can tell it’s a defense mechanism. when you and rafe start getting to know each other more and become more than friends, he begins to feel more comfortable with talking to you about himself and his life. he tends to talk more at night, before falling asleep. you’ve noticed rafe doesn’t like to keep secrets, he needs to let it out so he tells you a lot of things, some stuff being really random. you also feel the same and begin to tell him about yourself and it’s nice to hear that he can relate to you in something.

P - photos (what kind of photos you take of them/they take of you)

rafe likes photography and is quite good at it! he prefers to take the picture rather than being photographed, but you manage to sneak in a picture or two of his when he’s asleep or not looking. he has a lot of polaroids of you, but also on his phone.

Q - quirks (what random habits do you have that they love or hate/vice versa)

rafe is very messy. it seems that he’s physically unable to put an object back to its designated place. his room is always messy and he knows it. there are several plastic water bottles scattered around his bedroom and he doesn’t care to throw them away.

R - recovery (how you help them after an injury/vice versa)

rafe doesn’t like when you see him injured just because he doesn’t want you to be afraid of him, but he always lets you help him with his wounds. he knows you hate when he’s in a fight. he apologizes and says he’ll do better, but every once in a while you’ll get a text alerting you about another fight that he’s involved in.

S - solution (how they resolve fights)

when you are wrong, you apologize. rafe, however, has trouble recognizing when he’s wrong, and tends to blame others for his mistakes, but you never let him get away with it. he just hates when you tell him “rafe, you’re in the wrong, period. apologize and fix it.”, but deep down he does appreciate that you never buy his bullshit and puts him in his place. after everything is said and done, you both have a calm conversation and rafe does apologize more heartfeltly.

T - touch (when they need/want your touch, what will they do? how often?)

normally after a fight with ward, a long day at work or when he’s anxious, rafe wants nothing more than to be with you in his bedroom and hold you till it all goes away and he can breathe again. you don’t even need to touch him, the feel of you in his arms is enough. you play with his hair, you trace his back with your nails or you play with his hand, to let him know you’re there and you’re not going anywhere.

U - up (waking up with them)

waking up with rafe is the best. he has his arms around you every single time. if you’re still asleep, he just kisses your shoulder or forehead, trying to wake up a bit more before getting up and starting the day. if you’re up before him, you play with his hair and stroke his soft skin. he usually has this hard exterior, so sleeping is the rare chance you get to see him be calm.

V - vacation (where they travel with you)

you encourage rafe to visit other countries, discover new cultures and foods, and it’s always fun to travel with him because he values ​​comfort and lets you take control of the trip. while you like to explore the place by foot, he’s offering to call an uber and “get there faster!”.

W - wedding (how they propose/where you get married/honeymoon)

on a random day, rafe asked if you ever thought about getting married, and you said yes. then he asked if you would marry him one day, and you said yes. he took a small black velvet box from his pocket, opened it, showing a beautiful ring. the wedding took place just a few months later, and it was a small ceremony, with just a few family members and closest friends. rafe was radiant, and on your honeymoon, you went to greece.

X - x factor (what about you captivated them?)

your self-confidence. you don’t accept insults from anyone, least of all from him. he feels a little jealous of your confidence, because deep down he doesn’t have any. your greatest strength is your kindness and understanding.

Y - yawning (how they act when they’re tired)

like a child, rafe doesn’t really admit when he’s tired. he fights his sleep until he really can’t anymore. when he’s tired, he gets cranky and stubborn just like a toddler. he knows he’s tired, but for some reason he won’t just go to bed and fall asleep.

Z - zzz (how you fall asleep together)

before you, rafe liked his space, but when you both started sharing a bed, rafe couldn’t sleep by himself anymore. he needed to be holding you, smelling you. having you next to him is the only thing he really wants. he has begged you to stay the night just so he can sleep better and you always say yes.

[ann1-wr1tes]

Nanami Kento NSFW Alphabet

Dynamics: Nanami Kento x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: Spicy Alphabet

Warnings: Adult themes, obviously smut, mentions of giving head, light bondage

A/N: So this is a little apology for not writing anything for ya'll. I've been busy but hope you guys enjoy this!

-----

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

-Kento is incredibly attentive and sweet after having sex. Honestly he always wants to check in with you after, to make sure you're okay and to make sure he knows if there was anything you didn't like. Then of course he's quick to get you some water and perhaps one of your favored snacks. Then he likes to run a bath for you and help clean you up. While he cleans you, he's always sure to press kisses everywhere he can. If there are any bruises anywhere, he'll always be extra attentive with those.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

-His favorite body part of his partner would be your tits. Doesn't matter what size, color, or shape. He is a man who can appreciate some boobs...respectfully of course. Though if you asked him he'd be too much of a gentleman to ever fully admit that.

-On himself her particularly likes his hands. After all, he can do so much with them. He can use them to smooth down your body, gently run through your hair, or of course he would finger fuck you until your crying.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

-He honestly doesn't care to make too big of a mess so he definitely prefers to cum inside you. Of course, he'll wear a condom if you ask and i'll be honest, he's got a huge breeding kink.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

-He 100% uses pictures of you from his wallet to jack off. It may seem innocent when he pulls out his wallet and looks upon all the pretty pictures he has of you but sometimes behind closed doors, he misses you so much that he can't help it. You're just too cute~

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

-I can imagine Kento has a little bit of experience but not a lot. He's a busy, busy man keeping up with his job and then going back to Jujutsu Tech so he probably doesn't get laid that often. Granted, he has watched some porn but its not a whole lot.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

-Any position where he can see your face. Though I do think his two favorites would be Missionary and Cowgirl. Missionary is nice and easy, not too complicated and he can still fuck you good while getting to look at all the pretty expressions and reactions you have.

-For Cowgirl he'd really like that when he's tried from a long day of work. He gets to hand over the reins to you a little while you slowly roll your hips over his. He loves planting his hands on your hips and helping you as your eyes roll into the back of your head and you succumb to your own pleasure.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

-Kento definitely is not the joking type when it comes to having sex. He may crack one mildly funny comment here or there but his main focus is on making you feel good.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

-Despite his lack of free time, he is always sure to clean himself up. Self care is important he likes to feel well groomed and clean for himself and you.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

-In the moment Kento can be very sensual and romantic. His eyes are on you, watching your reactions, feeling you and your body. It can be very intimate and I think Kento is one of those guys who doesn't just fuck, he prefers to make love.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

-Probably not too often, but often enough. Sometimes he can't come home until late at night and he feels the need to rub one out, or sometimes when you aren't around he takes matters into his own hands. But for the most part, he has you and his patience is incredibly strong so he'll wait for you if he has to.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

-Breeding kink. He 1000% has a breeding kink. He would never flat out tell you that he wants kids but if you ever went to him and told him that you desired to have a family, the man would jump on it so fast. There's just something about cumming inside you that gets him hard. I think he'd also like nipple play (giving and receiving). Oh and how could I forget..he'd also have a thing for bondage. With his tie or belt to be specific.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

-He definitely is not a huge fan of doing it in public or spaces where you could get caught. He definitely is more of the private type and just prefers the comfort of his or your house.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

-Oddly enough, you could be doing something as simple as washing dishes or folding laundry and he'd be turned on. There's something about doing simple, domestic things that gets him going.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

-He would never be too hard into choking. He's just not a huge fan and he doesn't like the idea of hurting you. He also isn't too keen on sharing you either. So no threesomes.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

-This man loves to give head. He absolutely adores it. There's just something about getting to bury his face into your wet heat for hours on end while rutting into the bed that does something to him. He finds it to be a form of stress relief and is one of his favorite ways to wind down after a long day.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

-I feel like it depends on his mood. Normally he's into slow and sensual. I'm talking about deep, passionate kisses, slow rolls of his hips, making sure you feel everything he's giving you. But if you ever decide to act like a brat or he just feels pent up and frustrated then he may go a bit rougher than usual. Of course if he's ever too rough with he'll always apologize and he probably feels too guilty to go too rough with it.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

-Kento isn't a huge fan of quickies. I mean why rush it when he can have you all to himself? But if he really needed it, he wouldn't be completely opposed to having a quickie. But only for dire situations.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

-He's not too risky. He likes to play it safe and make sure you are comfortable. But if you ever wanted to try something new then he'd listen and consider it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

-It depends on how tired he is and how pent he is. I'd say he could last a good 3 rounds, taking about five minutes each. But at the end of the day I think it matters most about how long you can last? He'll stick it out for however long it takes you to cum, which trust me....it won't take too long.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

-Not completely against toys but he doesn't own any himself. If you were to buy some he'd totally be fine with using them on you and it comes to himself you may need to convince him a little but he could never really say no to you...

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

-If you are being a brat then he will 100% tease and hold back your orgasm. But in general, no. He's not too big of a tease.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

-Kento starts off quiet, maybe with a few hushed words here and there, a few assurances and compliments before he starts to breathe deeper. his breaths turn into small groans and pants and by the end of it I think you could get a few good moans out of him right before he cums.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

-As much as he hates it and is shameful of it, he steals your dirty panties. He just got so, so desperate one time and you weren't around. He needed something of you and he happened to find your dirty clothes bin. After that he became almost addicted. The scent of you lingering in his nose, the feel of your panties around his cock feels too good.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

-When soft i'd say he's about 6 inches and when hard he goes up to 7 inches. Its long-ish and girthy and can be a lot to take on sometimes. When he gets hard has a rosy red tip and one or two noticeable veins that run up and down his shaft.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

-His sex drive is on the average side but can be a bit high when he gets pent up. Sometimes he's so busy that he doesn't notice but as soon as he's with you all of the sudden his dick is hard and he has no idea what happened.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

-He always waits for you to fall asleep first. No matter how tired he is he'll always make sure you are comfortable and safe in his arms. Sometimes he'll even read to you if you ask. His deep, soft voice lulls you to sleep as reads over endless words on pages from his favorite book.

[lovelybucky1]

Hey there,would you mind writing some nsfw and sfw alphabet for Wolverine?

starting off with nsfw alphabet. if i get enough requests, i’ll do the sfw too. send an ask if you want me to expand on any of the headcanons! // divider from @strangergraphics

A = Aftercare- logan is a pretty rough lover, so he makes sure to take good care of you when you’re finished. he looks over you to make sure he didn’t hurt you and gives you lots of praise. he’s a cuddler, so once you’re all settled, he’ll wrap you in his arms and hold you as close to him as possible

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)- logan has a love-hate relationship with his hands. they’re his most powerful weapon, but they also are able to touch your soft skin, hold onto your hair, and brush against your lips. he likes how big they look on your body and he likes the sounds he can elicit from you with them. on his partner’s body, he likes their chest. whether it’s pecs or tits, he likes to admire them. a low cut top, bralette, or thin t-shirt with nothing underneath is an easy way to draw his eyes

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)- this man has the biggest fucking breeding kink. whether he can actually get you pregnant or not, he’s going to cum inside of you and make sure it doesn’t leak out. it’s his way of claiming you, of making sure you carry him with you wherever you go. it’s your reminder of who you belong to when his cum leaks into your underwear long after you two have finished

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)- logan isn’t actually as much of a control freak as he may seem. he prefers to be dominant, but if his partner wants to take control once in a while, he’ll let them. having enhanced healing and stamina, he can take pretty much anything you throw at him

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)- logan has lots of experience. it’s not that he’s a whore necessarily, but he’s been around for a long time and a guy with his looks certainly gets a lot of offers. he’s had a lot of partners with a lot of different preferences, so it’s safe to say not much would surprise him anymore

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)- doggy style all the way. he loves mounting you and gripping your hips while he fucks into you. if your hair is long enough, he’ll grab ahold of it and sometimes he’ll pull his fingers in your mouth. he loves leaning over your back and talking shit in your ear because he knows his voice makes you dizzy

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)- logan isn’t really a goofy person in general. he tends to be more serious but he’ll laugh a little if something funny happens

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)- logan is hairy. he has thick hair covering his body and he tries to keep it trimmed in the important places, but it’s a lot to manage. he has some grey hairs mixed in with the dark ones on his chest, giving him a sexy salt and pepper look

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)- logan isn’t great with emotions. love and all that mushy stuff is hard for him to talk about, so he uses his body to show those things instead. sex with logan is passionate and no matter how dirty the sex may be, it’s his way of showing his devotion to you

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)- logan doesn’t jerk off too much. he prefers to spend his energy fucking someone rather than taking things into his own hands. he finds it way more satisfying that way

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)- logan is really into the idea of ownership and all of his kinks fall along those lines. he likes to be dominant and he wants his partners to address him with respect during play. sir works, but he is partial to daddy, especially when playing into the age gap between you two. logan never shies away from brat taming and will give a good, solid punishment when needed, but sometimes he’s lazy and just wants a good little sub to do with as he pleases.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)- anywhere private. he isn’t too picky about where, as long as you two have enough time to do want you want without being interrupted. there isn’t much privacy at the mansion, so he seeks out moments to get you alone. then he can be as filthy as he wants and no one is at risk of walking in on you

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)- bratting is the easiest way to turn him on. he can’t resist the urge to shut up a mouthy little brat. teasing him, playfully insulting him, pushing all of his buttons and daring him to do something about it is a sure fire way to get some kind of reaction out of him. it may leave your ass stinging, but it works nonetheless

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)- maybe this is controversial, but i don’t think there’s much he wouldn’t do. he’s open to new things and no physical harm can be done to him, so he would only draw the line at doing things that can do serious harm to his partner

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)- logan likes receiving oral, but he uses it mostly as a punishment for you. if you’re talking back, getting a bit too mouthy for his taste, he’ll stick his dick in your mouth to shut you up. when it comes to giving, he prefers to eat it from the back. he likes the feeling of his partners pressing up against his face as he explores them with his tongue

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)- like everything with logan, sex with him is rough. bruising fingers, fast paced, teeth sinking into skin, pulling hair. he’ll slow down to tease you, keep you on edge as a punishment, but he prefers to pin you down and fuck you stupid

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)- logan doesn’t really do quickies. he’s never that desperate for sex to rush it, and he would much rather take his time to throughly wreck you. if you’re the desperate one, he may ablidge and give you a quick fuck to calm you down, but that’s not his preferred kind of sex

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)- as i’ve said, logan is pretty experienced. there isn’t much he hasn’t tried at least once, but he’s open to anything new

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)- he can go all night and into the next morning. logan can fuck as long as you’re able to keep going, so him running out of steam is never something you’ll have to worry about

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)- logan is old fashioned when it comes to toys. he’s not really into them. if he wants to hold you down, he can do it with his own hands. if he wants to make you cum, it’ll be on his own dick. he doesn’t really care if you use them on yourself, but he prefers to do all the hard work himself.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)- logan is a huge fucking tease. he enjoys having control over your pleasure and will often edge you, sometimes as punishment and sometimes just because he feels like being a dick. he’ll also verbally tease you by calling you names and babying you, all in good fun, of course

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)- logan isn’t too loud during sex. he’ll grunt and growl, but they will mostly be quiet and in your ear. he doesn’t shy away from dirty talk, however. he may not say much in daily life, but that’s what makes the filthy words he says to you so much more impactful

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)- when it comes to letting his partners take control, logan is a bit of a masochist. no real harm can come to him, and after decades of fighting and sustaining injuries, the pain doesn’t bother him. in fact, the right kind of pain can be pleasurable for him

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)- i think you have a pretty good idea of what’s going on under his clothes. he’s so muscular, all hard planes and thick limbs. his dick certainly matches the rest of his body; the thick length and vein leaving nothing to be desired

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)- logan can go a while without sex. he may be physically in peak condition, but mentally he’s ancient. if he’s worked up, he’ll seek out sex, but sometimes he’d rather just relax with a newspaper and his cigar

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)- logan is a tired old man. once all the aftercare is done, he’s going to fall asleep with you in his arms. good luck getting his dead weight off you; you’ll be stuck like that until he wakes up.

[lovemomhatepolice]

lando norris nswf alphabet (part 1) (minors DNI!)

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A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) No matter how rough and long you have sex, Lando behaves like a typical Lando afterwards. Of course he giggles under his breath, as if it was his first time. And he freaking blushes!!! He then loves to cuddle up to you even more (as he stresses - you need to appreciate the contact of naked body to naked body) and you lie together for a long time before you go to prepare a bath together or a quick shower (depending on your mood) while you wash each other. Oh, how he loves to wash your hair….

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) Lando loves his abs in himself. Well, I beg to differ, superbly muscled, gym-trained…. Yes, Lando is definitely proud of it, and especially when he sees that you like it too. That works on him the most. He also likes her eyes, I think for many reasons, but I beg - who wouldn't love those bright beautiful eyes? Exactly!!!

What does Lando love about you? I think it will also be the eyes. The boy loves to look into them and could do it for hours. They are such a damn mystery to him, and yet he knows them so well. He loves to look into them when you are happy and they sparkle or when you squint them with laughter. But he definitely loves to look into them when you close them from the euphoria that grips your body during your sex. A better view Lando has never seen before, I promise.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) Lando loves to see you in his cum. I know how it may sound, but there is no better sight for him than your lips around his cock or your shapely breasts that are all in his seed.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) Without hiding it, Lando has fantasized more than once and more than twice about being completely dominated by you. The very fact that he adores you on top during sex says a lot. He loves it when you take control, and all he has to do is hold your hips to support you as you bounce. Even so, this doesn't happen too often and mostly Lando takes control, but in his head for a very long time exactly such thoughts have been forming….

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) I wouldn't say that Lando is some very experienced. He had a few sexual experiences with other women before you, but nothing binding (except his previous girlfriend), so I think he only started to discover the depths of sex with you. But you can't deny that he is vague or can't do something. God, I swear, Lando is the fulfillment of your every need.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) Nothing fancy, let's not kid ourselves - despite the fact that you are young, you do not overdo it. Lando's and your favorite positions? Oh, definitely cowgirl. Norris loves to see your breasts bouncing right in front of his face. When you let out a quiet moan as he fills you to the brim. When he can look at your face constantly and sneak kisses that aren't very precise. And his other beloved position is total wall sex. No matter where - whether in the shower or in the kitchen or even in the hallway. Lando loves to do this, especially since at this point you are completely dependent on him and he hugs you with his whole body.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) Well, I beg you - you know Lando. The giggles in your bedroom (and not just your bedroom) are an integral part of sex. As I mentioned - the boy also blushes all the time. So no, serious sex with him is not an option. Even if you have a damn intense and romantic moment, Norris will always pull out some funny line and say it. Unless he is angry, oh, then his laughter you won't hear for a damn thing, but how long does it last? A maximum of two hours and it passes. Lando can't get mad.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) I don't think this is one of the thoughts that occupies his head in any particular way, but I think he has a neat. He shaves there out of habit, but it's not always a 100 percent shave, so I think you've seen a light stubble more than once. And as for you, I think he doesn't have too many requirements either. As long as it was neat and hygienic, yes it gives you free rein. After all, it's not his body (well, kinda like that…), the decision is yours.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) Well, all right, but despite his giggles and funny tics, you will hear from his mouth lots and lots of comments about yourself. How good you are to him, how great he feels, how much he loves you…. Lando is a romantic - he may not show it too often in a serious way, but all of his still small youthful acts (even though he is already 25) are infused with love. If you tell him once that you want to make love by candlelight in a bathtub full of foam - voila! The next day, or maybe even the same day, your wish comes true.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) Well, Lando does not shy away from masturbation. Rather, he doesn't practice it often because you are constantly next to each other and his level of sexual gratification is in the right place, but if you happen to be away, why not? But it should be acknowledged that he has never masturbated to any videos or photos or anything not related to you since your relationship began.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) Dom/Sub sex - As I mentioned before, Lando often has thoughts in his head that you should totally dominate him. But I don't mean some kind of BDSM (although…) or degradation. Simple domination over him, though, here. Since you are 50/50 in life…. Well, and maybe a little voyeurism - he wouldn't mind if you entered the room, if he was just masturbating. Or the other way around. He himself also would not forgive such a view.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) Couch or shower. I don't know why, Lando just has it that way. He loves sex on the couch probably because then you're mostly upstairs and he can spread out on your damn comfy couch. And the shower? That's the realm of greater intimacy for him. He really enjoys taking a bath with you, even when it's just a simple bath - without sexual overtones.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) You. Simply you. Lando still has a boner with you, which is of course damn funny for you, but well, don't kid yourself, we both know that you also get your panties wet at the sight of him. Whether morning or evening, whether in sweatpants or a elegant dress. It doesn't matter to him. You are so damn beautiful and exciting to him that such silly things as clothing go away. You could even be in a straitjacket and he would continue to appear extremely clingy next to you.

A/N: part two is already here! english is my second language i will be very pleased if you leave something behind - orders are open, and I am very close to 200 followers! maybe I can get in by the end of the week?

please do not copy and translate my works! in case of any issues related to this - I invite you to discuss privately :)