#funniest couple in the yard

[cannibalspicnic]

Pamela Rabe and Kate Atkinson as JOAN FERGUSON and VERA BENNETT

WENTWORTH (2013-2021) Season 9 Episode 5 The Unkown Terrorist

[saintslewis]

Graduation

pairing: lewis hamilton x black fem reader

summary: in which you celebrate your graduation day with your husband and family/friends

saint’s notes: in honour of graduation season, here’s a fic for y’all 🫶🏽 first f1 fic let’s gaurrrrrrr

social media + real life au

taglist: @thisismeracing (i really love your acc so this is to just say 🫶🏽)

ynhamilton

liked by lewishamilton, bellahadid and 7,838,839 others

ynhamilton i’ve successfully served cunt academically

view comments

user she is mother and no one can say otherwise

landonoriss mom finally graduated 🥹

ynhamilton not even gonna say anything anymore-

lewishamilton congratulations my love! i’m extremely proud of you and i love you

ynhamilton i love you more 🥹 thank you for the gift btw 🤭

lewishamilton i love you way more but okay 🩷

user what degree did you get???

ynhamilton a masters in English Literature 😋

user oh so you smart smart?

ynhamilton pretty much

pierregasly10 so no more doing homework in the wrong motor homes? (alpine misses your frantic typing)

ynhamilton it was one time and i’m a mercedes girly so pls

mercedesamgf1 i know that’s right! 🤭

charles_leclerc congratulations y/n! making me feel like a proud parent

maxverstappen1 weren’t you crying when she got on stage? 😭

carlossainz55 he was and it was the funniest thing ever

user damn, so the whole grid was at her graduation? 😧

user basically yeah 😭, i was graduating as an undergraduate and when they called her name, they cheered so loud

user and when lewis yelled ‘that’s my wife!’ I shed a couple of tears

bellahadid babe omg!!!!! congrats, so excited to see you omg

gigihadid bella shhhhh

sza you guys aren’t good at this 😭

danielricciardo you did serve cunt

ynhamilton thanks Danny 🥳

susiewolff what do you guys say? you ate them up!

ynhamilton that’s the spirit Susie!!

youryoungersister CONGRATS

ynhamilton thanks stupid

youryoungersister since you got your degree and yk everything fucking thing-

ynhamilton degrees*

youryoungersister celcius bitch

sophiarichiegrainge i literally love you so much

ynhamilton you’re too sweet, i love you too

The traffic of getting out of the campus was tough, the occasional fan coming up to the car to either take videos of it for social media or to interact with both you, Lewis or the other drivers. Having the top down for the fans to have better access to the both of you resulted in paparazzi at the gate of the university, trying to grab pictures of you mainly.

“Babe look! They’re calling it the Paddock Grad party.” You chuckled as you chuckled at the tweets you were scrolling through as you found out that you were trending on the app. The wind wasn’t too harsh on your faces as he cruised down the streets, constantly congratulating you and doing an amazing job at distracting you from the fact that the rest of the grid that attended your graduation had driven past you.

Reaching the infamous Hidden Hills gates, you were greeted with balloons from the guards, already putting the biggest smile on your face. Driving towards your LA home, you noticed all the super cars, hyper cars and luxury vehicles leading up to your driveway with each car having a gold balloon strapped around the mirror. You were absolutely stunned by everything you were taking in and Lewis looked at you as if you hung up all the stars in the night sky, extremely proud of your achievements.

With him helping you out of the car, you noticed the white rose petals scattered around the front yard and the music blaring from your backyard. The thought of all your favourite people coming together to celebrate your newest achievement was bringing tears of joy to your eyes, refusing to cry and ruining your lashes. Walking into your home, you noticed the incredibly large table of gifts as you walked into your foyer and Lewis just following behind you as you marvelled at everything in your home.

“Y/n,” He called out as you were a few feet away from the door leading to your backyard. Looking back at your husband, you held his hand. “Don’t you want to change your shoes?” He asked, noticing your discomfort from your heels after the graduation ceremony had ended. You nodded with the most love sick smile on your face as he brought out your favourite Gucci platform sandals from behind his back. He let out a little giggle at the look on your face and got on his knees to undo your shoes for you. Sighing of relief as your bare feet hit the cool ground, you slipped your feet into the sandals, noticing the height change between you and Lewis as he was taller than you. He placed a kiss on your forehead then your lips, repeatedly kissing your lips until your giggle stopped him.

As you walked into the kitchen which had access to the patio door, you noticed all the food and dessert beautifully decorated with white and gold, the one thing catching your attention the most was the doughnut stand in the middle of your island. You gasped and immediately went for the stand, grabbing a white chocolate doughnut that wrote ‘congratulations, y/n!’. You split it into two pieces and offered to Lewis knowing he would definitely decline it but he surprised you by taking the other half. “What? I can’t say no to a celebration.” He winked at you as he took a bite out of it.

Almost forgetting about the party he quite literally planned to happen in his backyard, he held your hand once again and led you to the party outside with all the guests waiting for you. As he opened the door, the sounds of Kaytranada were heard and people talking as they turned their attention to the door you were walking out from. The cheers started as you fully walked into the yard with Lewis squeezing your hand and letting it go, stepping to the side to let people celebrate you.

The first person to approach you was your mother, embracing you in a loving hug as tears threatened to fall. The next being your younger sister, trying her hardest to stay cool as she looked at you so proudly. Your immediate family had come up to congratulate you before letting your friends celebrate you.

After receiving hugs and congratulatory messages from everyone, taking many photos from the Photo Booth that was rented and a little bit of dancing, it was soon time to eat as the sun was setting beautifully as the hues of pink and orange hit your skin. Placing your graduation cap on the hook of your chair, you faced everyone as you sat at the head of the table. During your meal, you decided to make a speech to say thank you to everyone.

“Hey everyone,” You greeted as all eyes turned to you when you stood up. “Um, sorry for interrupting your eating. Just wanted to say a speech to you guys.” You began and you heard Daniel Ric’s iconic ‘Ki ki’ noises that you’ve had the honour of hearing live many times. “Thank you Daniel for that, gratefully appreciated.” You smiled, causing the whole table to laugh.

“I would like to start off by saying thank you, truly. To my family for supporting me through everything, to myself for getting these degrees, to my friends that i have met along the way and to my loving husband for sticking with me and loving me.” You expressed, seeing smiles from everyone around you. “I remember leaving home, just graduated with my undergrad and i wanted to spoil myself and I took a solo trip to the Monaco gp with an extremely limited budget and i didn’t know what i was going to eat for that week but my younger delusional self knew that I wasn’t going to struggle because a driver will see me on the stand and instantly fall for me and well, that’s exactly what happened except now I’m the designated paddock mom.” You chuckled, reminiscing on that life changing week.

“Years later, I’m married to the love of my life with my master’s degree on lock, just hitting the millionaire status from my career and the best people by my side supporting me through and through. I truly love all of you so much and lemme stop before i ruin this makeup.” You laughed, grabbing a serviette and dabbing your eyes before tears fell.

The night had carried on beautifully as your friends had made speeches about how it was when you’d complain about your work load to them or the iconic moments you’d take your homework along with you to a few races. Having your favourite desserts and dancing with your friends until late had made you feel happy about everything that you’ve accomplished for yourself.

[whositmcwhatsit]

Save Me

Written for the prompt: How are we going to solve this problem?

1976 Elvis in a leather coat for my beloved @vintageshanny This one got away from me, there's so much more to come!

@thatbanditqueen, @be-my-ally, @missmaywemeetagain, @ellie-24, @from-memphis-with-love, you are the best, funniest, kindest and most awesome people.

The air shimmered and glittered across the tarmac of the highway, promising oases, lights and civilisation, all of which would turn out to be mirages, as Cindy had discovered after walking five miles in the unrelenting searing wind wearing cowboy boots. The lukewarm can of coke she had been nursing the entire way was bone dry now and she had to admit that she was beginning to panic.

It made no sense, this highway was usually jam packed with people heading to and from LA for the  weekend, but there had only been a smattering of traffic heading in either direction, and none of the hoity toity rich folks had apparently felt inclined to stop for a dusty, sweaty woman standing by the side of the road.

No one at home would even realise anything was amiss before Monday when she was supposed to be at work. They’d probably call home to find out why she was missing her shift, and her dad would think she was pulling a sick day and cover for her, not knowing… God, she was going to end up being eaten alive by buzzards. She squinted up at the sky, paranoid that she could see shadows circling overhead.

The cream car slid through the glimmering haze like it was heaven sent, its gold-plated grille and finishes adding to the surreal quality as it sped on, looking like it was going to rush past her in a fog of sand and exhaust fumes like all the others. It was heading in the wrong direction anyway, she told herself. Though there was no wrong direction away from death by overheating and scavengers.

The sound of tyres skidding in grit behind her made her turn and she saw the car had stopped a couple of hundred yards up the road. She paused, surprised, then broke into an anxious jog, almost sliding over in the roadside dust, her boot soles worn to slipperiness.

Coming to the driver’s window, she hesitated as, instead of the usual well to do middle aged couple or family, she came face to face with a car full of men. They were all wearing sunglasses and, frankly, unwelcoming expressions.

“Uh, thank you for stopping,” she mumbled, her tongue dry and oversized in her mouth. “I was starting to get worried.” The moustachioed man at the wheel just stared at her from behind dark brown lenses.

“Where you headed, honey?” asked a soft voice in the backseat. She frowned, shooting a last look at the blank faced driver before side-stepping to the window behind. She blinked rapidly, sure that what she saw was the result of dehydration, heatstroke and probably the remnants of the acid she had ingested at the beginning of road trip yesterday.

“Uh, well, I was heading back to LA,” she managed, nodding her head in the opposite direction, “but right now I’d settle for a ride to the nearest town with a phone.”

“You got car trouble?”

“In a way,” she shrugged, not wanting to go into her pathetic predicament with him, of all people. She didn’t miss the way that the other men in the car were looking at each other, sharing some sort of communication, and it made her question how desperate her situation really was. Maybe she could wait for the next car…

“You know, my guys here think that we should’ve driven right on by you. They said you could be dangerous like one of those Manson chicks. You know what a honeypot is, darlin’?” She could hear someone sniggering inside the car.

“I’m not anyone’s chick,” she retorted, rubbing sand out of her eye. “And definitely not that psycho’s. Look, thanks for stopping, but I’m fine.” She stomped off, heading back to where she had been standing.

Wrapping her hands around herself, she tried to force her heart to stop pounding. She would be fine, someone would come along, a nice family with a dog she could pet. It would all be fine.

She clenched her jaw as she heard a car door click shut and then heavy footsteps crunch towards her.

“Goddamn, it’s hot,” said Elvis Presley as he stopped at her side wearing a knee length leather coat fastened and belted in the California desert. He must’ve caught her look because he hiccupped a laugh and glanced down at himself. “Well, the car has air conditioning… A-a-and not all of us can look as good as you do in little shorts, honey.” She snorted in spite of herself, feeling her shoulders drop slightly.

“Look, I was only teasin’ before,” he said, adjusting his sunglasses and jutting his jaw pensively. “You’re a good girl, I know. I can tell that about you. I have a sense for these things.” She glanced over at the car and the two big, older guys who were leaning against it, arms crossed to show off their shoulder holsters. “And them- Well, they all do and think what I tell ‘em to, so…”

“I think I’ll be okay,” she murmured. “I’m probably better off waiting for a car going the other way anyway.”

“You’ll be waiting a while, sweetheart, Highway Patrol closed the road about twenty miles that way.”

Well, that explained that.

“Oh God,” she groaned, bending forward at the waist and just dropping like a rag doll until her hair poked into the top of her boots. “Why is this happening?! Wait, if the road’s closed, how come you’re here?”

Well, it’s closed for the public,” he answered, like this explained everything. At her questioning look, he pulled a wallet from the pocket of his coat and flashed her a shiny silver badge. “I ain’t the public.” Her eyebrows knitted tighter together and, after a moment, she reached out and pinched his arm.

“Ow!”

“Sorry, this is just really weird. I had to check.” He smiled, but it took him a minute and he was still rubbing his arm like she had stabbed him rather than given him a little pinch. “You are Elvis, right?”

“Last time I checked, but keep your voice down, honey, I’m travelling incognito.” He gave her a wink and she found herself smiling even though she didn’t know why. “Now, look, let’s get in the car before I melt like a goddamn snowman and we can figure out how to get you where you need to go on the way.”

“On the way to where?”

“My house in Palm Springs.”

As she was deliberating, another fancy car pulled up alongside the cream Cadillac station wagon and a smaller, lean man with a moustache hurried out of the driver’s seat to them.

“Hey, what’s going on, why are y’all by the side of the road?”

“Just rescuing, er- What’s your name, honey?”

“Cindy.”

“We were just rescuing Cindy here. This here’s my cousin, Billy. He might look like a marble-eyed sonovabitch, but-” The other man, Billy, gave Elvis’ arm a punch, but even Cindy could see that there was barely any force behind it, and certainly nowhere near what Elvis retaliated with. Both men burst into laughter, though Billy’s seemed pained.

“I can’t ride with you,” she tried one last time. “There isn’t any space for me, your car is full.”

“Huh, you’re right. How are we going to solve this problem? Hey, Sonny, Red!” The two big men looked over, straightening. “You guys ride in the Stutz with Ricky and David. Billy and Jo are coming with us.”

“Hey, E,” the dark haired one started in a disgruntled voice. Cindy didn’t miss the way that Elvis’s face snapped towards him and whatever expression he had put an end to the complaint.

“I’ve been defending myself from little girls for over twenty years, man, I’m sure I won’t have any problems here.” Lowering his voice, he finished so that only Cindy and probably Billy could hear, “Don’t exactly think I wanna defend myself anyhow.”

Travel arrangements made, Cindy followed Elvis’s broad back on her way back to the Cadillac. She questioned what she was doing, wondering what he was expecting from her in terms of gratitude. Then she shook her head. This was Elvis Presley, after all, he was probably dripping in beautiful models, he didn’t need to pick up damsels in distress by the side of the road to get lucky. He looked different to how she thought though, heavier for sure, that leather coat seemed uncomfortably tight, pale too, and his hair looked like it hadn’t been combed. Of course, she was in no position to judge since her skin had acquired a new layer of dirt and dust and her hair was ratty from sleeping in the van the night before.

The car was deliciously cool as promised, and she sighed as she climbed into the soft leather back seat. Elvis managed to summon up a cold bottle of Mountain Valley spring water and his mouth quirked at the corner as she moaned a little gulping it down.

Billy and a dark-haired woman, who was apparently his wife Jo, sat in the front seat, leaving them alone in the back. It was quiet at first. Cindy gripped the glass bottle in her hands, savouring the cool surface against her hot, sweaty skin. She shifted slightly on the seat, hoping that she wasn’t marking it with her grime. It figured that she would finally meet her first famous person looking her absolute worst.

“So, uh, what happened to your car?” Elvis asked, turning a little so that he was inclined towards her. Her eyes fell on the three- three- thick gold chains around his neck that rested in the dark hair on his chest, disappearing beneath the lapels of his leather coat and the light blue tracksuit jacket was wearing underneath. She blinked and looked back up at his face.

“Well, nothing. It’s still at home back in the city,” she replied. “I- uh. See, I was out in the desert with some friends… camping.” She nodded, yes, ‘camping’. “And there was a misunderstanding between me and one of my friends. She thought I was into her boyfriend and she got mad and- They left me behind.”

“But you weren’t?” he asked. She was looking into his eyes, partially hidden by the tinted lenses of his sunglasses, and asking herself why the hell she was laying out the events of her pathetic life to Elvis fucking Presley. She lifted her eyebrows questioningly. “You weren’t fooling around with your friend’s boyfriend?”

“No,” she demurred. “No, he’s an idiot.” Elvis grinned and nodded, which somehow made her smile right back without thinking about it.

“You’ve had yourself an awfully bad day, haven’t you, Cindy honey. I, myself, have not been having a great day either. Kinda lucky of us to cross paths out here in the middle of nowhere, don’t you think?”

“Why are you having a bad day?” she asked.

“Don’t matter now,” he replied, giving her hand a quick pat. “So, where d’you live in Los Angeles?”

It went on like that, him questioning her and Cindy answering before returning the question back to him. Sometimes he’d answer, but most of the time he would just ask another question. She felt like she was being interviewed for a job she hadn’t applied for.

As the car drew up to a low, white Spanish style house, she was beginning to wonder if she might want the job after all, whatever it was.

Billy opened the car door and Elvis climbed out with a grunt, reaching out a hand to her. It felt like climbing out of a carriage, only she was the regular Cinderella before the fairy godmother had shown up, all covered in dirt and ashes. His fingers curled around hers, his thumb rubbing the back of her hand, and he didn’t release it once she was by his side.

“So, here we are, little honeypot,” he said with an endearing smirk, “come on in.”

Stepping into the house was like walking into a meat locker after the heavy, dry heat of the afternoon. She wanted to pause and bask in it, but Elvis still had hold of her hand and he was not stopping. He gave her the tour, introducing her to the cook, while the other men arrived in the black car and there was a flurry of activity, cases and bags being deposited in the foyer and quickly whisked away.

The whole time, Elvis was walking around, talking about views and telling her a funny story about the time a photographer tried to climb the canyon to get pictures of him in the backyard and he and the guys scared the man so bad that he dropped his camera down a steep incline.

“Bought him another one, of course,” he shrugged with a small smile. “Still, taught him a lesson about being sneaky. Can’t stand sneaky sons of bitches, just come and ask me if you want a picture, don’t- don’t be all underhanded about it.” He stared off out the window at the rocky canyon beyond and she watched and waited, wondering if she was supposed to respond. Finally, he gave his head a little shake and flashed a grin at her, looking at her sideways. And that moment was over.

“So, I’ve been thinking, Cindy honey,” he began, leading her to an upright chair by the window and gesturing for her to sit down. “About you having a bad day and me… And it seems like there’s more to this than meets the eye, I think what we have here is a touch of divine intervention.”

Mouth open, she parsed his words, trying to understand what she was being told. She didn’t.

“Ain’t no way we should have met, you being a little girl pretty much as far from Beverly Hills as you can get and me not going nowhere else, but somehow we did meet. I saved you, and maybe… maybe you can s- you can help me… too.”

“Well, what do you need help with?” she asked. He grinned his famous lopsided smile, reminding her that she was sitting in front of a musical legend, one of the most famous men on the planet, just like he was a regular person.

“Well, for one thing, I don’t like being on my own much and- and my date for the weekend kinda flaked out.” He huffed an awkward, endearing laugh. “You think you might wanna hang around, honey?”

“Well, I have to be at work on Monday,” she said dubiously, feeling a pang at the way he was looking down at her, like she had power.

“I’ll get you to work on Monday,” he replied emphatically. “I can promise you that.”

“But I don’t even have any of my things,” she murmured, thinking out loud. “I left them all in the van and-”

“I’ll get you whatever you need.” He raised his eyebrows. “Anything else? C’mon, while we’re on a roll, throw something else at me, honey.” She laughed, giving his hand a squeeze that he returned.

“Can I use your phone?”

“You got a guy you need to call?” he asked flatly.

“Sorta,” she shrugged. “My father- he’s sick and I don’t like to make him worry about where I am.”

“My daddy’s been sick too,” he murmured, “but he’s getting better.”

There was such determination in his voice that she felt like she had to nod back like she was convinced.

He took her into his bedroom, which she knew must look out over the pool from the layout of the rest of the house, but the curtains were already pulled tightly closed and it felt, if possible, even colder in this room.

“You can make your call in here,” he said, squeezing her shoulder as she perched on the edge of the bed next to the phone. “No one’ll bother you. I’m just gonna make some arrangements, deal with some things. I’ll be back.”

She watched him leave, pulling the door closed behind him, and reflected on the weirdness of everything that had happened in the past few hours. She reached for the phone, but stopped.

As far as her dad knew, she was camping with some girls from work. It had been hard enough to reassure him that she would be okay doing this. If she called him now and said that not only had those girls ditched her in the middle of nowhere, but that she had been picked up by Elvis and whisked away to this house in Palms Springs… Well, he might have the stroke that was going to finish him off, the one they had been warding against for five years.

There was a tap at the door and it opened before she could respond, but it was not Elvis. Jo, the woman married to his cousin, was standing there looking at her like she was a naughty child who had refused to tidy her room.

“What size are you?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Size. I’m guessing a…” Her eyes flicked up and down with disinterest. “A six?”

“Four on the bottom half,” Cindy returned. “Why-“

“Shoes? What shoe size are you?”

Baffled and feeling a little bit harried, Cindy gave her the information she asked for, wondering if the woman was lending her some clean clothes or if maybe Elvis Presley of the famed pelvis, who reduced women to screaming, creaming morons with just a jiggle of his leg, had a special wardrobe for all his conquests.

“Okay, so you need to shower,” the older woman continued, directing her to a bathroom away from the bedroom. “Everything you need is just in here. Make sure you wash your hair, clean your nails, brush your teeth. Everything. He likes girls to be clean.”

What do you say to that? Cindy wondered, staring blankly as Jo repeated the instructions like it was normal, like this was an every day occurrence. To be fair, it probably was.

“Today is so weird,” Cindy murmured to herself as she stepped into the bathroom, holding the large, white terrycloth robe Jo had shoved at her. There were toiletries in a big basket, all brand new and unopened. Shampoos, conditioners, soaps and lotions. A toothbrush still in its packaging, razor, and hairbrush and combs. It was like visiting a hotel, an expensive one too, not just a roadside motel.

Turning on the shower, she spotted a little pink transistor radio on the vanity and she switched it on. She couldn’t shower in silence, she needed something to drown out her singing other than the noisy spray. Warbling along to whatever the DJ played, she did everything she had been told, scrubbing and rubbing and rinsing over and over until she finally felt like she had exfoliated the desert from her skin and her mind.

Wrapping the oversized robe around herself, she sashayed like it was a fur coat and she was walking past the velvet ropes at Studio 54, hoping to catch Jagger’s eye. She opened the bathroom door and stumbled back with a muffled shriek when she found a man about her age standing outside. He had shaggy dark hair and was wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt, which she appreciated.

“You done?” he asked, eyes sliding up her bare legs like a snail leaving a trail across a rock. “You brush your teeth? Clean your nails?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” she returned. “Yes, I brushed, I cleaned, I buffed myself to within an inch of my life! God!”

“All right,” he shot back. “I was just checking, because the Boss likes girls to be-”

“Clean, yes, I’ve got it.” She was starting to wonder whether it was Elvis or Howard Hughes who had picked her up.

The man directed her back to the living room, which was dim and shaded now with the curtains pulled across most of the windows against the late afternoon sun.

“Just wait here for a minute,” he said, closing the door behind him.

Cindy shifted from bare foot to bare foot, looking up at the low, sloping ceiling and the immaculately clean fireplace. Her eyes fell on the coffee table and the thick stack of bills placed neatly there.

She wandered over as if called, eyes bugging when she saw that the pile was topped with a hundred. If they were all hundreds, there had to be five thousand dollars there, easy. She thought about all the hospital bills that kept coming to the house, red overdue stamp looking like blood. Then she thought about her dad finding out that she had stolen money to pay them.

Sighing, she forced her feet away from the coffee table and stalked over to the couch, throwing herself down. Having a conscience could be a curse sometimes.

A little while later, the door opened and the man himself finally appeared. He was wearing a short sleeve light blue leisure suit and his hair looked washed and blow-dried. He didn’t look well, she decided, but she couldn’t decide why that thought had popped into her head.

“You look like you’re being eaten by a cloud,” he observed with a little smile, exhaling sharply as he dropped onto the couch beside her. He nudged his leg against her, but didn’t seem to notice, almost like he couldn’t keep still. “You get everything you need, honey? You speak to your father?”

“Yes, thank you,” she lied.

It was probably a good idea to make him think that people knew where she was, she decided. He leant back, stretching his arm like he had a twinge in his shoulder and then resting it along the back of the couch behind her. She had to work hard not to giggle. It was like being back in middle school.

“Why d’you wear sunglasses indoors?” she asked, wincing at her words as soon as she spoke them. “Sorry, that was rude-" He laughed softly and shook his head; his arm slid forward slightly against her shoulders.

“No, no, it’s fine, honey. I, er, have to wear ‘em because I got sensitive eyes. The light messes with ‘em sometimes, that’s all.”

“It’s not very bright in here,” she observed, glancing around at the lengthening shadows around the room.

“Yeah, well, I- I kinda need ‘em to see as well,” he admitted, ducking his head. “Can’t see as good as I used to.”

“Oh, well, that makes sense.” His smile widened and she felt his fingers wrap around the top of her arm.

Sitting so close to him felt like sitting with her side to the Sun, he gave off so much warmth and also a sense of power, like he was the centre of the whole galaxy. He was stroking her arm with his fingers, and she could feel the rough end of his rings scraping the folds in her sleeve and she shivered.

He smirked and, despite the fuller face and the beginnings of a double chin, she could see the man who had made her feel tickly in her tummy during the Saturday matinees her dad had taken her to. She was looking into his eyes through the pinkish tinted lenses of his glasses, their faces drawing closer, when there was a tap on the door.

“Goddamn it,” Elvis muttered under his breath, probably louder than he thought he was. “Come in!”

Billy appeared with several bags, seemingly oblivious or indifferent to Elvis’ obvious annoyance.

“Here ya are, got what you asked for,” he said, lifting the bags.

“Well, just leave it by the door,” Elvis snapped back. “And why the hell d’you leave this cash here? You just throwing my money away now, man?”

There was a weird note in the exchange that Cindy couldn’t quite figure out, but Billy gathered up the money without argument and left, dropping the bags by the door.

“Families, huh,” she observed as he huffed an exasperated sigh, his round stomach rapidly expanding and deflating. “Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.”

“Yeah, so they tell me,” he returned, shooting the door one last look of annoyance, before turning back to her. “You know, I just wanted to say thank you, Cindy honey.”

 “For what?” Grabbing a ride? Taking a shower?

“For staying. It’s real nice of you."

Her mouth twisted into a baffled smile as her brain puzzled over whether she had heard him right. He did know who he was, right? He rubbed her arm over the terrycloth sleeve and twisted towards her. Her eyes dropped to his lips and, though they looked a little dry, they were plump and inviting. Soft too as he pressed them against hers.

It was a chaste, sweet kiss, he didn’t even try slip her any tongue. Cindy never made it to a dance in her sophomore year, but she imagined this was what it would have felt like. She reached up to hang her fingers from his neck, surprised again by how warm his skin was. The hair at the nape of his neck was damp with sweat and his breath wavered as she ran her thumbs curiously through his long sideburns. They felt soft and coarse at the same time and she couldn’t explain how.

“Yeah, I think someone or something has put you in my way for a reason,” he murmured, eyes fixed on her lips as he pulled back. She could feel herself begin to broil under his gaze. He pecked her lips again, pressing his weight against her. “Let’s get you ready, honey.”

Elvis led her around by the hand like she was a cross between a little child and a delicate princess. They went back into the kitchen where he told the cook that he wanted fried chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner, reminding her that the gravy wasn’t thick enough last time. He turned to Cindy, asking what she would like to eat.

“Aren't I having the same as you?” she asked. Asking for two different meals seemed… rude, somehow.

“Oh, honey, you don’t have-” He ducked his head and smiled. “She’ll have the same, just a regular size, okay?”

The woman smiled at Elvis the way that most women smiled at him, indulgently and kind of wistful. It was a strange thing to experience and then to see.

“Okay, lil honeypot, let’s get you dressed and ready for dinner,” he said, throwing a smile over his shoulder as he led her back to the bedroom.

The bags that Billy had left in the living room had been transported here and Elvis gestured to them. She peered inside, finding a white dress, underwear, and even shoes. She hadn’t worn so much white since her mom passed and her dad had turned everything grey with a misplaced sock when she was ten. She hesitated, wondering if he wanted her to put on a show, to earn them, but after she had waited for several minutes, he lifted a hand to the adjoining bathroom and motioned for her to go.

Wavering on the white, naturally, platformed heels, she tottered back into the bedroom where Elvis was reclined against the pillows reading a book. He glanced up over the top and gave an exaggerated double take.

“Who’s this sweet lil angel who’s showed up in my bedroom?” he asked, dropping the book on the bed and clambering up.

He crossed the room to her a little unsteadily and suddenly threw his arms around her, burying his face in the crook of her neck. She could barely breathe with how close he was holding her, his arms pinning hers to her sides, his stomach tight against hers, constricting her air. Even his thighs were hard against hers. She didn’t know what to do, so she lifted her arm as much as she was able to stroke the small of his back.

“You look so pretty,” he murmured, when he finally drew back, running his thumb over her lips in concentration. “We’ll get Jo in here to do your make up and you’ll be perfect.”

“I can do my own make-up,” she insisted, not wanting to be a source of irritation for the other woman yet again.

“No, honey, Jo knows how to do it the way I like it,” he replied, biting on his lip before leaning forward and kissing her, lingering on her lips this time, almost as if he wanted to deepen the kiss but lost his nerve. “I want you to look like you’re all mine.”

He ducked his head down bashfully in the way that she was already getting accustomed to, but this time there seemed to be more of a purpose to it. She glanced down too when she felt him fumbling with her wrist and she watched as he fastened a thick, heavy gold ID bracelet around it. On the front, Elvis was spelled out in large diamonds.

“There,” he mumbled, sounding self-satisfied. “Now everyone will know you’re mine.”

She didn’t know how to respond to this, not in a way that didn’t hurt his feelings, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. No, she was already feeling an overwhelming need to protect him, this much older, richer, more powerful man.

Jo didn’t really speak to her as she did her make up. Cindy could barely open her eyes with the weight of the eyeliner and mascara they had been coated in. She barely recognised the woman she saw staring back at her in the mirror, especially not when she lifted her arm to peer at the bracelet. Such a weird day.

The table was full of men at dinner, with only Jo and Cindy adding some much-needed female companionship. Elvis and the other men laughed and chatted through the meal, arguing and guffawing over old stories; stories that always seemed to feature Elvis doing something insane, dangerous and/or reckless and somehow getting away with it. He grinned at her at every conclusion, looking pleased with himself and she tried her best to look impressed and amused.

Cindy understood what Elvis had meant when he instructed the cook to make her meal regular-sized. He and the rest of the men devoured prodigious amounts of food and it felt like dinner went on for hours waiting for them to finish.

As soon as she put down her knife and fork, Elvis reached over and clasped her hand with his, maintaining that hold even as he was eating and talking to everyone around her. It was like sitting with a spotlight on you, seen but unseen, valued but ignored.

After dinner, Elvis led her over to the piano. A couple of the guys, one of the large ones with all the guns, and a small one, picked up guitars and perched on a footstool and the sofa around him. He insisted, though there was barely enough room, that she sat next to him on the piano stool. She leant into his side, trying to maintain her balance.

“What d’you wanna hear us sing, Cindy honey?” he asked, like she would be fine with that, like she would casually accept Elvis Presley asking for requests.

“Lawdy Miss Clawdy?” she asked. It was one of two Elvis songs her father had played her religiously on a Saturday afternoon when they needed to jump around and use up some energy.

“Aw, that’s so damn old,” he remarked. “Can’t you think of nothing from this century?” He hiccupped a small laugh, which his guys echoed far louder, but she could sense that she had upset or offended him somehow. Probably by making him feel that only his old songs were the best, she guessed. She had hurt his feelings.

“You should sing what you want to sing,” she said quickly, rubbing his jiggling knee. “Anything you sing will blow me away.”

The smaller guy with the guitar suggested ‘Love is a Many Splendored Thing’, but before he had even finished his sentence, Elvis was pounding the keys of the piano in the very familiar introduction to ‘Lawdy Miss Clawdy’.

Everyone who had ever listened to an Elvis record always felt like he was singing directly to them. That was part of his magic and charm, but Cindy now knew that that feeling was nothing compared to knowing that he was singing directly to you. Her face was throbbing with heat as the blood rushed there. She didn’t know what to do with her hands, clasping them in her lap like she had to hold in her vital organs or she would die. He frowned over the piano as he sang, but every now and again, shot her a look from the side of his eye, his cheekbones round and prominent as he held back a smile.

As the last chords of the piano faded out, he cleared his throat, making fun of how much higher his voice used to be. Cindy clapped, ignoring the eyerolls and looks of derision that some of the men were throwing her. She had never been able to get to a concert. They usually sold out in hours and there was no way she could skip work to queue overnight and all day. So this was probably the closest she was ever going to get to seeing Elvis live, and she was making the most of it.

“Thank you, honey,” he mumbled, angling his face so that he could kiss her cheek. He grabbed her hand that was still clapping and brought it to his lips, giving her fingers a soft peck also.

Forgetting all the eyes, the uncomfortable shoes, the skimpy dress that made her shiver in the air conditioning, and the mask of make-up she was wearing, Cindy ducked forward and kissed him. She almost missed completely, catching only the corner of his mouth, but he rescued her for the second time that day, wrapping his arms around her, hot palms against her back and turning his head, sliding his tongue in to brush against hers. Maybe he was right, they could both save each other.

[grotesquehorse]

Red, White and Royal Blue (2023) is a tragedy, but not for the reasons that people who hate the book on principle are talking about. It's not just a bad adaptation, it's a bad movie. There is nothing redeeming about it except the casting of Sarah Shahi as Zahra.

First of all, I want to say, that the book DOES have depth. Just because a book is a romcom doesn't mean it doesn't have depth. And I'm sick and tired of seeing the criticism from people who didn’t read the book say "people are complaining that the movie doesn't have depth but the book didn't have depth either, so what were you expecting". It fucking has depth. And I have a right to be upset that the movie absolutely fucking butchered it.

The Casting

The casting, although it has been criticized, has not been criticized for the correct aspects. Nick and Taylor have enough chemistry to be passable for a romcom - it's not great, but at least it wasn't Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant in Two Weeks Notice.

The casting for Alex was not good. I have nothing against Taylor, but his thousand-yard stare had nothing behind the eye(lashes) and actively hindered any and all of Alex’s interactions. Nick was better; Henry is a more subtle character (as he has to be), and this was portrayed much more convincingly.

Nora was fucking annoying and her actress was bad. Uma Thurman does not belong in this movie. Stephen Fry, although the funniest possible actor to put in that role, shouldn't have been in this movie either.

Alex, as a character, was butchered. He should have a Type-A, bouncing off the walls, undiagnosed ADHD, horny but anxious confidence about him. Movie Alex was entirely wrong. I would call him suave, but I don't find him charming. The audience is supposed to think he's suave, maybe, but this is the wrong character trait to give him. He is supposed to be confident and charming, but not suave. There is nothing going on in his head, and this is especially detrimental when Book Alex’s main personality trait is that he overthinks everything at every possible angle.

The Alex and Henry Relationship

The first kiss between Alex and Henry and the scene preceding it are all wrong. Movie Alex is kissing multiple different women and Henry is much more isolated than in the book. Alex’s first line in the confrontation is supposed to be "what are you doing out here?" not "did I do something wrong?" when Henry leaves the party; it's supposed to be more nuanced. Henry should be feeling "of course he's straight, he can't want me, I can't want him" not "betrayed because Alex kissed someone who is not me". Alex is not supposed to know that Henry is upset. Alex is not supposed to think that he is the cause of Henry being upset. The movie cuts any of the depth between them. Another core personality trait of Alex, is that he is selfish. He forgets to text June back about dinner, he gets wrapped up in his own head, he doesn’t understand his friendship/relationship with Liam. He doesn’t understand that he may be the cause of Henry’s emotions.

The camping scenes touched on Alex being selfish, but again, in all the wrong ways. He starts talking about how they could be out as a real couple after the reelection, but he fails to consider that Henry is a prince of England. Truly baffling writing choice, considering Alex is supposedly intelligent and political and, while selfish, extremely aware of the politics surrounding his and Henry’s relationship. Book Alex would never have suggested that they come out the way that Movie Alex did. Movie Alex is a fucking idiot, and didn’t do much to even try to convince me otherwise.

Although I hoped that the movie would be more romcom and less political/royal drama, I’m still dissatisfied with how the movie executed this. There was no journey watching Alex and Henry become friends. There was no "I’ve been in love with you for years" from Henry. There was no "you obsessively looked at his picture in a magazine" from Alex. A large part of the animosity between them, for Alex, is that they are constantly compared in the media. They are uniquely perfect for each other because they are both in very specific spotlights. This aspect of their relationship is completely absent from the movie.

My friend wouldn't let me skip the sex scene, but just know that it was fucking uncomfortable.

The Implications

The combination of Liam and Rafael Luna into one journalist character is a twofold character assassination. You can't take a high school hook up and a gay political professional (who Alex looked up to) and combine them into a journalist. It doesn't work. Miguel, the journalist, acts like a villain immediately - sunken eyes with a scorned lover attitude. He's a joke. There's no nuance in taking two crucial pieces of Alex’s sexuality journey and mashing them together to create an evil gay guy with no explanation.

It's implied that Miguel leaked the emails, but this ignores the actual triple agenting that Rafael Luna was doing. This movie is rated R, but we can't talk about a man attempting to sexually abuse another man because we can't talk about sexual assault amongst the LGBT community; that would make the gays look bad. But we can diminish two characters and create an evil gay journalist archetype who just wants to out Alex and Henry for his own professional gain (and maybe get back at Alex for refusing to hook up with him again). So, you tell me, which gay representation is "worse" for the gays?

Miguel had to be created to be the villain so that Richards, the republican candidate running against Alex’s mom, the one who abused men and attempted to sexually assault Rafael Luna, couldn't be the villain that he is in the books. Because that would alienate the republican audience. Because the republican audience is so crucial to the marketing of what is considered the first mainstream gay romcom.

The Technical Aspects

The social media editing was bad. The way the emails were done was bad. There was no version of this movie that would be successful. There's too much reliance in the book on texts and emails, and you can't build a relationship through technology in a movie. It's always unsuccessful.

The cinematography is Hulu-original bland. The directing was incompetent. The script was incoherent at worst, and over written at best. "trouble you no longer" is a bad line. "he grabbed my hair in a way that made me understand the difference between rugby and football." what the fuck are you talking about.

I hate that the movie was bad, but it was bad. I don't know what fucking movie these other people are watching, but Red, White and Royal Blue (2023) is fucking unwatchable.

[prettyboykatsuki]

*tips cowboy hat over eyes while staring wistfully into the distance* things just aint the same around these parts no more...not since... *trails off meaningfully so you can tell i have woes too deep for one soul to burden on its own* ...since prettyboykatsuki disappeared from town. *you attempt to walk away but i chuckle ruefully with the intention of not letting you leave without hearing my lamenting* they were truly the life and soul of the dash. no one could capture a room's- the dash's - attention quite like their zany isagi thirst posts could. we'd shitpost and laugh and viciously express our desires for sexy 2d pixels until the sun rose the next day. i'm sure you've heard of their legendary bakugou fics? *i turn towards you expectantly and you shake your head at me, fully shaking at this point because you're convinced i'm an asylum escapee* no? ah, well. i'd offer to read one for you but...i could never capture the essence of the dialogue and erotic scenes by just reading it aloud. *you try to ask me where the nearest police station is but i reach into my assless chaps' pocket and pull out a budweiser and you're promptly silenced* truthfully, i was too busy reblogging their omega fics to ask what their favourite drink was so this'll have to do. i know this definitely won't be their favourite but it's the only thing i could grab from the gas station before they saw me and called the sheriff. *you wonder if the sheriff i'm referring to is the cardboard cutout of dwayne the rock johnson standing upright a few yards away that i've duct taped a png. of a cowboy hat to and wrote in marker 'sheriff' on the nipple area* prettyboykatsuki... *i sigh like i have the weight of the world on my feeble poncho covered shoulders and take a swig of the pissy acidic vaguely apple flavoured but shitty apple not the nice kind of apple beer* this one's for you. *i pour a modest stream of the atrocious beverage onto the ground, but the harsh wind intercepts it and drenches you in the liquid* hm. *i feel awkward and i can sense you know that i feel awkward so i stand up abruptly while attempting to maintain my mysterious façade. you ask me if prettyboykatsuki was buried (or something?) where i poured the beer because thats what people usually do at funerals when theyre saying their goodbyes but i simply titter at you like you've asked the most braindead question i've ever received* no, partner... *i turn away from you and you let out a sigh of relief so loud and gargantuan that i definitely hear it and feel a little hurt but show no signs of it because im built different* prettyboykatsuki's everywhere. *i trail off extra mysteriously and walk away from you in the middle of the road where i'm definitely going to get hit if i don't move but i keep walking and you don't want to get into another interaction with me so you just keep watching and i never really go out of sight because the road is one straight flat like so i'm just uncomfortably walking slow paced in plain sight so it doesnt feel dramatic and i'm getting sand in my eyes and keep having to speed up to avoid tumbleweeds so it looks awkward but we both don't say anything because at this point i'm 50 metres away so we accept the moment for what it is, and it's beautiful*

'you' - a random innocent bystander i'm subjecting my troubles to (troubles being u being gone from the dash for a couple of hours)

i typed this in 20 minutes and my shoulder is aching bcos i was going so fast holy shiiiii.

in my entire two years active on this blog, no single ask has ever made me laugh to the point of literal sobbing tears. no amount of keyboard smashing could do my real life reaction justice. like im laughing to the point of almost puking my dinner up. this is the funniest thing ive ever read in my life. im pinning this next time i go on hiatus. im fucking crying.

[i-sveikata]

Hi!!

🍈 and 🍌

hellooooo again!! :)

🍈 Who’s your blorbo and what are some of your favorite headcanons/ideas about them that repeatedly show up in your fics? Free pass to rant about blorbo opinions.

i dont know that i have a specific blorbo tbh??? like i do have many many characters that i love and am fascinated by but i dont think i have a one blorbo to rule them all. but i guess i do love the idea of characters presenting a tough, intimidating and violent exterior whilst in truth actually being pretty fragile on the inside? probably why i see vegas as like a pathetic meow meow, wet cat loser of a man lmao. i think if anybody had read all of my fics there would defs be some kind of pattern emerging there and im especially fascinated with dark, disturbed, on the fringe of society kind of characters being romantically drawn towards a partner that is deemed 'more normal' somehow but in reality is just as bananas as they are lol.

🍌 In your opinion, what’s the funniest joke/reference/pun you’ve made in a fic?

omg this is such a tricky question!! i usually like to bring a lot of humour into my fics no matter the level of angst or drama. im very much of the - but i stay silly meme variety. so theres always humour as a bit of a undercurrent to all of my stories. idk of a specific one but one im pretty fond of (and which ended up being a bigger joke than i first intended) was a teen wolf fic where there was kind of a sub plot of stiles having a neighbour war with an elderly couple across the road from his house and at an early stage of the fic threatened to destroy their prize maple tree in their front yard and then basically the ending of that fic was stiles finally using magic to do it (and confusing the hell out of his poor neighbours because the tree like just vanished in a not natural way lmao). had no idea that the fic was going to finish like that but it ended up working very well and being very funny to me to tie it all in together and make a throwaway reference like that kind of come full circle.

[suolainensilakka]

favorite kingdom hearts characters. for science

WELL, gently taps the current pinned post of this blog, that one's a freebie ^__^

Anyway. BOY ranking them all is really hard bc so many characters in the series have permanently set up camp in my head by now and arent particularly inclined to leave any time soon, but if I had to list off just a couple examples that have caused me the most brain damage so far, itd be:

- Terra, hands down my number 1 most specialest guy in the whole world. Instantly became enamored with him from the moment I first set eyes on him and then proceeded to have all of my ribs carefully and meticulously pulled out of my chest one by one throughout the entirety of bbs and the entire rest of the series after that. Its so dire man I literally cannot look at any images of him now without physically having to hold myself back from making a long strangled whine Out Loud With My Mouth every time

- the entire Wayfinder Trio as a collective unit + Vanitas also tbh. Terra's obviously my Primary Favorite but the wayfinders as a whole also make my heart hurt so fucking bad man. My partner and I choose to interpret them all as siblings bc it leads to some exceptionally delicious and painful rs dynamics to explore imo and something abt it just makes The Miseries hit that much harder in ways that have literally had me writhing on the couch with a thousand yard stare rapidly cycling through the five stages of grief on loop. I'm also counting Vanitas as part of the unit bc he's just so closely tied to Ven in my brain that separating them (lol.) feels Wrong (lmao.), and. God. Vanitas might just be one of THE most tragic characters in literally any media I've experienced and I say this without a single hint of irony. The current total wordcount of the rps that I've written abt the wayfinders with my partner so far has probably shot past 50k by now. Why am I hurds

- Kairi. I was originally mostly ambivalent/neutrally intrigued abt her but kept getting increasingly more pissed abt her treatment and constant sidelining by the writing to the point where I got to kh3/mom and something in me snapped entirely, and from that moment onwards I decided to love her entirely out of spite. She instantly shot up to become one of my favorites after that and if I think abt her meta and story potential for longer than five minutes at a time I start frothing at the mouth

- Sora, naturally. I have so so so so many thoughts on this little darling boy that could easily double the wordcount of this ask just by themselves but the most important thing to mention here in lieu of that, for now, is that he's is the One (1) and ONLY child ive ever seen, whether real or fictional, that has made me experience emotions anywhere Close to resembling baby fever. I want to dribble him like a basketball but also gently pinch his cheek affectionately and also spoil him silly like a grandma seeing her beloved grandson again for the first time in months

- Xigbar. This fucko is the one I'm the most mad about ending up liking as much as I do, not because hes a bad character, absolutely far from it I fucking ADORE this terrible bodyhopping little cunt, but because it happened by complete accident after I realized he shares a lot of (surface) similarities with my favorite blorbo from another entirely unrelated franchise and I then got mad about realizing I have a very easily clockable Type (which I've affectionately dubbed the Guys That Suck category. I have more too obv but its the funniest one I have). He's also infuriatingly fun to write. Get me OUT of here

- Xemnas, Terranort and Ansem SoD. Everyone in the Nort Collective counts tbh but those three are the ones I lose sleep over the most, particularly the first two; Xemnas bc he makes me feel an unfathomably deep and haunting sense of grief (brought on by me finishing bbs and then realizing days later the exact way his creation connects to Terra's story and hearing the sound of fucking glass shattering at the back of my head instantly), and Terranort bc I'm fucking terrified of him and he also makes me want to eat gravel whenever I think abt him in context with him interacting with the rest of the wayfinders. He's also really fun to write and this fact Upsets Me. Ansem's listed bc you can never go wrong with the ol reliable mad scientist. The rest of the norts I would probably also be a lot more insane over once I actually get off my damn ass and start picking through the mobile games but that's an endeavor for Future Salty (i am very excited and terrified)

- the Lingering Will. I'm counting it as a separate entity from Terra and the rest of the Terra Collective on a technicality bc (LOUD TELEVISION STATIC AS I GESTURE FRANTICALLY AND FURIOUSLY @ THE JUMBLED BALL OF YARN LABELED "my thoughts on the physical and psychological effects of being a guy who got his soul and entire being shattered into like five million distinct pieces for over 10 Whole Entire Years" THAT I HAVE NOT EXPLAINED THE ENTIRETY OF TO A SINGLE OTHER SOUL ON EARTH) but. Eah. This fucking haunted hunk of metal has been eating holes through my brain tissue ever since I first saw the kh2 secret superboss and I'm distraught over it every single day of my life. This thing is like a weird bug to me. Do you understand. (tearign up) Do you get me. Do I have to pull out the Lingering Will/The Hollow Knight venn diagram

And as for the other fuckos haunting my cranium on the daily I can only mention a couple other honorary picks that honestly could also very well have made it to the main list if not for the fact that this post is already long enough as it is, and these following characters are therefore mostly delegated to Sleeper Agent Blorbos who I don't think about QUITE as often as the ones listed above but whenever I Do I get just as distraught and ailed over them. Anyway, shoutout to the entire Seasalt Trio, Demyx, Riku, Repliku, Naminé and Saïx and probably many others I'm forgetting rn bc it is currently 2 am and I'm running on approximately 5-6 hours of sleep and a prayer 👍 god bless and amen

[dogmomwrites]

15 Questions OC Edition

This tag came from @cljordan-imperium, so thank you! I'll pass it on with soft tags to @ceph-the-ghost-writer, @breath-of-eternity, @jjm-blogspot, and @writewithfire, as well as leaving it an open tag for anyone else!

This is for Cadara from my Castle series

Are you named after anyone? Nope, I'm my own person! My grandmother wanted me to be named after an ancestor, but my parents worried that might put pressure on me to "live up to the name" and so they chose to let me forge my own path without the pressure

When was the last time you cried? Time is a little confusing for us right now, but ignoring the lost time, it hasn't been all that long. Just two weeks ago, my friends and I all laughed until we cried—over something that wasn't even all that funny. We just couldn't stop snorting, which is always the funniest thing in the wee morning hours. And just a couple days before that, my sister's dog had puppies and I cried over how tiny they were

Do you have kids? Not yet! I want either two or four...I'll start with two and see how that goes

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Every so often. It's like a second language around here, so it's hard to avoid picking the habit up, even if I prefer when people are genuine

What’s the first thing you notice about people? I never really thought about that. What they're doing, I suppose. If it looks like fun, I like to learn about it so I can join in

What’s your eye color? Blue. Some people say it's dark, some say it's bright, so I'm never really sure which to say. Maybe it just depends on the lighting?

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings all the way (author's note: if Cadara was in our universe, she would love rom-coms, sweet romances, and fluff fics. Bonus points if they're musicals)

Any special talents? I'm a pretty good cook, I play three instruments, and I've won acrobatics contests a couple times

Where were you born? In the castle, like most people here. There's only a handful who were born on the mainland and even fewer who came here from another island

What are your hobbies? Reading, taking walks, going to the theater house as a patron and as a performer, ect

Have you any pets? I've had a couple throughout my life; currently I have two cats, a small dog, and I recently received a small hamster. He was injured at the time, but he's healed well!

What sports do you play/have played? I never really played sports. Not competitively, at least. I do play in the yard or during a family visit to the gardens though

How tall are you? 5 foot, 9 inches; 175 in centimeters; 1.75 in meters

Favorite subject in school? The animal section of biology. Specifically, the part where we learned about the habits and habitats of animals. Not so much the part where we learned about their insides

Dream job? Honestly, a bakery. One that makes sweet treats for people and for their pets, too! I'm saving up to open one with a couple friends, but it's more of a long-term plan

The empty question template is under this cut!

Are you named after anyone?

When was the last time you cried?

Do you have kids?

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

What’s your eye color?

Scary movies or happy endings?

Any special talents?

Where were you born?

What are your hobbies?

Have you any pets?

What sports do you play/have played?

How tall are you?

Favorite subject in school?

Dream job?

[13beachesxx]

this photo came up on my dash and it awoke a buried memory inside me. camping trip, fall, beginning of school so probably septemberish. we went to M****i this time instead of our usual camping trip spots and it was such a different vibe there. rock waterfalls, clear pools, the whole nine yards, i was in love with the place. one afternoon me & the girlies hiked out to a little cove much like this one and hung out there, listening to the babbling brook running downstream, the flora and fauna. i think isa was there, alicia, ana of course, audrey jenkins, and a couple more for sure. all the main girls. for some reason we decided to have an impromptu therapy session, and the session involved throwing stones or pebbles into this pond and shouting at the top of your lungs something that annoys you. i don't remember what i said, or what the others said, but i'm sure it was generic stuff along the lines of parents, etc. the funniest part was when audrey, the most timid of the group, grabbed a huge rock and yelled "I HATE PERIODS!!!" out of the blue, and lobbed the rock into the water. that made all of us laugh. i miss being a kid.

[toodamnloyal]

[share some random historical trivia!]

So during the Civil War there was an issue with representation in the officers of the Federal army. An all-German regiment had been routed at Chancellorsville, there was major resentment about having foreign officers and foreign regiments. Couple this with major Irish immigration happening at the time, and large influxes of immigrants from Germany (which had just had its own revolution), trying to raise African-American regiments, and you've got a disaster on your hands.

Not wanting to alienate the growing German population, Lincoln decided that when he was presented with the need for promoting some generals, that he wanted to have a German general.

And because he was a troll, decided to pick the dude with the funniest damn name available because he was sick and tired of all these wonderfully decorated officers being really bad at their jobs.

Alexander Schimmelfennig.

Now to be fair, Schimmelfennig was a somewhat capable soldier, he was involved in the German unification efforts and fought in their civil war. He eventually found his way to Switzerland, then London, then to the United States were he worked for the war department and was eventually given command of a brigade.

Unfortunately he was twice made a scapegoat, first at Chancellorsville and then at Gettysburg where after having a horse shot out from under him and being wounded he sought shelter in the yard of one of the houses and stayed in the hog pen there for several days.

He finally got his redemption arc when he was reassigned down to Charleston and accepted the formal surrender of the fort there.

[aeris-flores]

👄 + lorna

"I don't know what to really say about Lorna.

First, she started out to be a real bitch to me. Always judging, acting snooty and holier than thou. She'd send me such judgy looks from her garden when I sat out on my balcony. So what if a few cigarette butts fell out of the ash tray? I don't smoke all of the time, so it wasn't that big of an issue."

He never really told her, because no good would come from his self-satisfying act, but a couple butts were purposely tossed down into the bed of flowers right beneath him. He's long since stopped purposely doing so, after the petty revenge stopped being fun.

"She would even make comments about the people I brought home. My business was mine, and whoever I wanted to let into my bed wasn't hers, until, lo and behold, she came knocking on my door! Hah, it was the funniest thing ever. Then it started to happen more, and she started, I don't know, showing up to clean up my place and leave food in my fridge.

I guess she was bored after her partner left, not my business, not my problem. Except she started saying all that shit about 'loving me' and holding all the things she did for me over my head. We had a fight about it recently, actually.

And it sorta stuck with me. More than I want to admit it has, but fuck, she got it all wired in my head."

It's hard to think about, when Aeris has replayed those words over and over again in his head. Because Lorna didn't care like that, she couldn't. And sometimes he thought about it so much, frustration surged through him like lightning, threatening to rip him apart.

"I don't know, it got messy, and weird. But I miss her. Not her doing my laundry, even though that was cool. I wish she'd stop giving me attitude over a relationship I never promised just so we can both say 'good morning' when we pass each other in the front yard again."

@dilcne

[woodlandscab1n]

Like a couple weeks ago I discovered a headcanon I had of Leon is literally just him having OCD and I laughed my ass off so now get fully inserted into my ships idiot.

Anyways, Lethan would be the funniest about it, Ethan would be so confused with this man in their first days of living together and Leon might be doing certain stuff like making sure all doors are closed, making sure everything is readily available, touching certain stuff, as well as checking every room twice or thrice, making sure nothing is missing while he goes around the house getting ready in his morning/before his day starts rutine that's just so he knows this day is going to go well or at least with as less ppl hurt as possible. When Ethan points it out one morning, feel like he would be like, "what? just somethin i do to keep my mind calm" and Ethan's response would just be "erm. okay. sure... whatever 🤨".

I think Ethan might just observe but not really be annoyed about it. Leon already told him why he does it, which is to keem himself calm and Ethan doesn't see that being particularly wrong, even if sometimes it's kinda "weird". Man does what he gotta do, he guesses, plus kinda it's fun watching him pretty much do laps around the house.

It's until Leon looks visibly upset to do it, stressed, or needs to hurry up somewhere but he just needs to check, he has to do those things that Ethan brings it up again, saying that he doesn't need to do all that. I feel like that might really get to Leon, he's been feeling like the weight of the whole world is in his shoulders, like everything he does or not do is a death sentence for someone else, everything that's not carefully planned or done so he'd not respond well, not angrily but just, clearly this is something that he's not doing well with. Ethan might push farther although much more gently than before.

Leon does and doesn't appreciate that, while he likes the feeling of someone caring and being concerned about him, it's also something he sort of...feels new to outside of people like Claire and Hunnigan, and yet he still hasn't learned how to really react to it. I feel like Leon also has, much obviously, moral OCD as well so he's been trying to brush off intrusive thoughts about Ethan to the best of his capabilities for a while now as it just fucking kills him to think about them.

Aaand Ethan doesn't like that Leon is doing something to himself that hurts him in any way and that Leon continues to brush it off as if it doesn't hurt him despite obviously doing so, it frustrates him beyond belief. Him believing that if he doesn't do something "as simple as" making sure he touched every doorframe as he checked and double checked every room "might" make his day go bad or have someone hurt for some reason isn't good for him (me, the pyschotic delusional idiot, staring at him with a thousand yard stare).

So, this is when they have a discussion about it. Leon tries to the best of his snarky, nilihist ahh abilities tell Ethan why he cannot not do those things, what if, what if that intuition is true, what if he doesn't do it something bad does happen? what if he can't make it better and people are hurt due to him, due to his inaction? he could've prevented it if only he made sure he everything was alright and he was calm.

Ethan's genuine reaction to that information.

While Ethan understands a part of that, as he also has trauma related to inaction from his part, if he only did enough and like the life of others are on his, he's also able to realize that "it won't help" to do those kind of stuff and he's much more focused on making sure other stuff that he knows will help. He also realizes that he's being a hypocrite, he also brushes off this kind of shit to not worry Leon or anyone. He can't allow himself too much, he knows he can't. Weakness and vulnerability is okay, but something that genuinely hurts him and that should be his problem to deal on his own? Yeah...

And I feel like that's when both Leon and Ethan realize the situation. Leon realizes how "absurd" that sounded, to be getting all up in arms about something like this, to think before to him it was equally as stupid and he still thinks it is but if he doesn't do it and something bad happens, the guilt will eat him alive and it already has been. He's trying so hard to amend his "sins" (religious trauma girlie omg 🤭) for not saving people he was supposed to every mission, for not doing it perfectly, for injuries, deaths, damage in general.

Ethan realizes this is really really important to Leon, he's able to relate to the sentiment and, it also hits close to home for him.

There's a deafening silence in the room.

Then Leon speaks up again, expressing his mot recent thought process. Which only makes Ethan sorrowful expression further, he doesn't really know what to respond, how to make Leon feel better. He wishes he could be smarter in this moment, that he knew best, but he doesn't. Not in this situation.

Leon tries to leave without a word more, but Ethan stops him, tells him that he understands the sentiment and he will try to make things easier for him, if he tells him how to. Maybe they could figure it out somehow.

That's when Leon softens and exhaustingly places his forehead on Ethan's. He doesn't have much to say, or anything at all really. He's just tired and so is Ethan. Both of their minds are so loud at all times, telling them horrible shit and yet they have to just act like it's not happening to not worry the other.

I think after this accident, Ethan will try to help Leon ease his worries by asking what he needs and so does Leon ask to him.

And then eventually these two idiots get stuffed into therapy because that ain't normal brother, by the lovely Rebecca and Claire. 😭

[mad1jokes]

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[jof2jokes]

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[whimsyprinx]

honestly. I think my family is cursed 😎🤙

anyway, my aunt has since moved from that house and it's now a daycare center I think. I lowkey wanna ask if they'd had any experiences.

anyway, back to my grandparents' house. one time, it was late at night and my parents, sister, and I were coming back home when my dad stopped by the gate and made us stay there. he said there was something out there and told us not to move until he said it was OK, so he goes ahead and he's like halfway down the path to the main yard when something slams him against a wall and lifts him off the ground. I should also say that my dad is well over 6ft and 200lbs, like he's not easy to lift lol. so my dad's hovering above the ground struggling to breathe while we're by the gate just so shocked and finally, it let's go of him and he tells us it's safe.

my mom would also hear a woman's voice calling her name when she was alone and she said that she'd feel someone breathing against the back of her neck.

anyway, I was over a couple days ago and I was walking out of my old room when suddenly the window slams shut. idk could have been a breeze. none of the other windows slammed shut even though all were open and it only happened that once. whatevs. could have been the breeze.

I think I had the funniest upbringing in a house like that, bc my dad grew up seeing all this stuff and being told the stories and the superstitions while my mom has always been super logical. like Shane and Ryan but a married couple living in an actually haunted house lol

I have another story about my mom's uncle of you wanna hear

ayyy cursed family/generally cursed gang (I just think I’m generally cursed at life)

honestly if you found out pls lmk!

Jesus Christ that’s also terrifying, I can’t imagine being y’all or your dad in that situation like, watching that happen or like being the one it’s happening to just both sound immensely terrifying to me

Oh my godddd your poor mom also that’s also so scary

I hope it was the breeze, I’m a big fan of when something scary happens saying “ahahah it’s just the breeze”

That sounds like a fun dynamic, then ya know the Horrors, but still a fun dynamic!

I’d love to hear it, I’m about to be in your inbox btw

[nancypullen]

Happy Beltane!

It’s May 1st and I can feel change in the air.  Beltane is the pagan holiday that marks the point halfway between the spring equinox and summer solstice.  It celebrates the return of light, rebirth and fertility, and basically all things SPRING!  There is dancing around May poles, bonfires, and all sorts of revelry, including feasting and drinking. In Ireland it marked the day that cattle were driven to summer pastures. Doors, windows, and even livestock were decorated with yellow flowers, and home fires were doused to be relit from Beltane bonfires, whose flames, smoke, and ashes were believed to have protective properties.  Best of all, it’s a time when fairies might be seen - most Beltane rituals are seen as either welcoming or appeasing the fairies.  I happen to know a small girl who wholeheartedly believes in fairies so we may have to make an offering for the wee folk.  On this day we’re supposed to spend time close to the earth - maybe gardening, maybe tending land, whatever.  I did that and I’m better for it. It was an absolutely gorgeous day, certainly one worth celebrating.

Yesterday we crossed the bridge and spent quality time with Little Miss and  also celebrated Jamie’s birthday.  Gosh, we’re awfully glad she was born.  Tyler is happy and loved, and we have the cutest, sweetest, funniest, smartest grandgirl. That’s because of our beautiful, talented, determined, and generous daughter-in-law.  Aren’t we lucky?  We had a lovely day and ended our visit by taking a walk and doing some puddle stomping.

Back here on the homestead we’ve been busy in the yard and in the house. Last week we painted the mister’s office, and moved the chair from my craft room up there.  It was his favorite back in Tennessee so it was only right that he laid claim to it.  Don’t mind that busy bookcase, this was snapped when we were just putting furniture back in place.

So I became chairless downstairs, and how am I supposed to sit by the window on rainy days and get lost in a book without a chair of my own?  Because I am cheap, I first looked for a granny-sized chair on Facebook Marketplace.  Lo and behold, I found one!  It was in excellent shape, and I had high hopes that the colors might work in my craft room.  

No dice.  What I hoped was a sweet red and white gingham (swoon!) was in fact more of an orange-red and beige pattern.   But it was just the right size, shape, and quality that I wanted.  So I forked over $30 and then bought a very inexpensive slipcover on Amazon.   Look how sweet she is now!

On my sister’s advice I purchased (for just a couple bucks) little screw pins, they’re little bitty and look like this...

and now that slip cover isn’t going anywhere.

I also swapped out that little pot of lobelia that I had on the table at my sitting spot on the porch.  It kept tipping over.  I don’t know if it was wind, cats, squirrels, or fairies.  So I grabbed the colander that I always used for red impatiens on my porch in Mt. Juliet and filled the bottom with rocks. That sucker will stay put.  

Other than that, I’ve been holding string while the mister measured out fencing and leveled stuff and shared more information on posts and rails than I ever wanted to know.  Looks like we’re putting up a fence on Wednesday.  We’re waiting a couple of days due to the amount of rain we had over the weekend. Better safe than sorry.  Putting a fence into mushy ground isn’t wise. Derby Day is on Saturday, and it’s supposed to be about 70 degrees and sunny.  Feels like a good day to kick off grilling season, doesn’t it?  The Edgewaters are coming for the weekend and I requested that Jamie bring a derby-themed dessert.  She is an ahhhh-mazing baker so I can’t wait to see what she makes. I may throw together some cupcakes for the grandgirl with some horsies on top.  They’ll be quick and easy and then the adults can enjoy Jamie’s creation.  Did I ever tell you about the German Bee Sting cake she made? I still dream about it. Anywayyyyyy, we’ve been puttering around the house and gardens and making improvements.  We’re lucky enough to spend time with people we love (Matt, if you’re reading this, it’s time for another visit!) and we’re welcoming this lovely green season.  I may go dance under the moonlight tonight to celebrate Beltane.  Why not?

Celebrate with me! It’s MAY! May is like October’s sister - they’re the lovely months where it’s not too hot, not too cold, and everyone is happy.  Well, I am. Off to do a dance and then take a bubble bath.  Stay safe, stay well, buy yourself some flowers. XOXO, Nancy