#putting stuff in quotes bc i will never throw shade at another delusion-like girlie. fuck you eth we are completely in the right.

[woodlandscab1n]

Like a couple weeks ago I discovered a headcanon I had of Leon is literally just him having OCD and I laughed my ass off so now get fully inserted into my ships idiot.

Anyways, Lethan would be the funniest about it, Ethan would be so confused with this man in their first days of living together and Leon might be doing certain stuff like making sure all doors are closed, making sure everything is readily available, touching certain stuff, as well as checking every room twice or thrice, making sure nothing is missing while he goes around the house getting ready in his morning/before his day starts rutine that's just so he knows this day is going to go well or at least with as less ppl hurt as possible. When Ethan points it out one morning, feel like he would be like, "what? just somethin i do to keep my mind calm" and Ethan's response would just be "erm. okay. sure... whatever 🤨".

I think Ethan might just observe but not really be annoyed about it. Leon already told him why he does it, which is to keem himself calm and Ethan doesn't see that being particularly wrong, even if sometimes it's kinda "weird". Man does what he gotta do, he guesses, plus kinda it's fun watching him pretty much do laps around the house.

It's until Leon looks visibly upset to do it, stressed, or needs to hurry up somewhere but he just needs to check, he has to do those things that Ethan brings it up again, saying that he doesn't need to do all that. I feel like that might really get to Leon, he's been feeling like the weight of the whole world is in his shoulders, like everything he does or not do is a death sentence for someone else, everything that's not carefully planned or done so he'd not respond well, not angrily but just, clearly this is something that he's not doing well with. Ethan might push farther although much more gently than before.

Leon does and doesn't appreciate that, while he likes the feeling of someone caring and being concerned about him, it's also something he sort of...feels new to outside of people like Claire and Hunnigan, and yet he still hasn't learned how to really react to it. I feel like Leon also has, much obviously, moral OCD as well so he's been trying to brush off intrusive thoughts about Ethan to the best of his capabilities for a while now as it just fucking kills him to think about them.

Aaand Ethan doesn't like that Leon is doing something to himself that hurts him in any way and that Leon continues to brush it off as if it doesn't hurt him despite obviously doing so, it frustrates him beyond belief. Him believing that if he doesn't do something "as simple as" making sure he touched every doorframe as he checked and double checked every room "might" make his day go bad or have someone hurt for some reason isn't good for him (me, the pyschotic delusional idiot, staring at him with a thousand yard stare).

So, this is when they have a discussion about it. Leon tries to the best of his snarky, nilihist ahh abilities tell Ethan why he cannot not do those things, what if, what if that intuition is true, what if he doesn't do it something bad does happen? what if he can't make it better and people are hurt due to him, due to his inaction? he could've prevented it if only he made sure he everything was alright and he was calm.

Ethan's genuine reaction to that information.

While Ethan understands a part of that, as he also has trauma related to inaction from his part, if he only did enough and like the life of others are on his, he's also able to realize that "it won't help" to do those kind of stuff and he's much more focused on making sure other stuff that he knows will help. He also realizes that he's being a hypocrite, he also brushes off this kind of shit to not worry Leon or anyone. He can't allow himself too much, he knows he can't. Weakness and vulnerability is okay, but something that genuinely hurts him and that should be his problem to deal on his own? Yeah...

And I feel like that's when both Leon and Ethan realize the situation. Leon realizes how "absurd" that sounded, to be getting all up in arms about something like this, to think before to him it was equally as stupid and he still thinks it is but if he doesn't do it and something bad happens, the guilt will eat him alive and it already has been. He's trying so hard to amend his "sins" (religious trauma girlie omg 🤭) for not saving people he was supposed to every mission, for not doing it perfectly, for injuries, deaths, damage in general.

Ethan realizes this is really really important to Leon, he's able to relate to the sentiment and, it also hits close to home for him.

There's a deafening silence in the room.

Then Leon speaks up again, expressing his mot recent thought process. Which only makes Ethan sorrowful expression further, he doesn't really know what to respond, how to make Leon feel better. He wishes he could be smarter in this moment, that he knew best, but he doesn't. Not in this situation.

Leon tries to leave without a word more, but Ethan stops him, tells him that he understands the sentiment and he will try to make things easier for him, if he tells him how to. Maybe they could figure it out somehow.

That's when Leon softens and exhaustingly places his forehead on Ethan's. He doesn't have much to say, or anything at all really. He's just tired and so is Ethan. Both of their minds are so loud at all times, telling them horrible shit and yet they have to just act like it's not happening to not worry the other.

I think after this accident, Ethan will try to help Leon ease his worries by asking what he needs and so does Leon ask to him.

And then eventually these two idiots get stuffed into therapy because that ain't normal brother, by the lovely Rebecca and Claire. 😭