#fundamentally off to a very strong start all things considered

[artbyblastweave]

After three chapters, one of my big takeaways is that Seek seems really conceptually interested in parents and parenting.

You've got A, raised by parents whose superficial commitment to A's self-determination and self-identification are completely undercut by the invasive dystopian cyberware they use to control them, coupled with the (what I believe to be the) implication that the double edged sword of the post-scarcity future is that A's only reason to exist is that their parents wanted a child- spending their entire childhood being shot down any time they express interest in a career path that could give their life meaning outside of that. All of which feels like the logical terminal point of parenting as a vanity thing. Then you've got Winnifred, whose parents are vastly more involved, attentive, and invested- but in a way that goes hand in hand with a sometimes-uncomfortable spiritual and ideological investment, which in turn manifests as a regiment of full-body invasive modifications so that their child can perpetuate and participate in their culture and lifestyle.

Then you've got Orion, whose "birth" is his much more metaphorical escape from the cryopod (complete with associated womb imagery); out of the three he's arguably the most "liberated" from the context of the people who chose to create him or put him in this situation- popping out of his "womb" with imprinted skills and knowledge and only vague memories- but given the overall survival-horror nature of his situation that's not actually any kind of improvement. (It would frankly dovetail incredibly well with the theory I've seen that it's actually an Onboard who's taken control of a braindead human- total hands off parenting, he was put in this situation by entities that don't even realize he's alive.)

All of which is circling and circling around the central reality of parenting, which is that it's not just something that happens, it's a choice, any way you choose to go about it's a choice. And in our current context there's only really a couple ways to make that choice and they're all a few degrees off from each other anyway, so it fades into the background. But in a society with advanced enough technology that you've really got options, the fact that you're making any choice at all- and the resultant horrible consequences every possible choice will have for your kid- becomes way way more visible. Truly, a web serial aligned with my heartfelt belief that We Are Never Getting Out Of Here

[mermaidsirennikita]

I gotta say this is also very unsuprising casting when you think about it. Like as soon as the shock had worn off I was like...yeah of course she cast them.

Oh yeah, it does make sense because Emerald isn't about what's good for the project, Emerald is about what makes Emerald happy. Which is why I fundamentally can't get into her creatively.

Because of course, any creative has their aesthetic, their sensibility, their work. And I respect that, as a creative.

But you also have to kill your darlings. And we think of that in the writing sense most often—cut that sentence, that scene, that chapter if it doesn't truly serve the work. Scrap the whole thing and start over if it's truly not what it should be.

I'm a STRONG believer in that, to be fair. Brutal. Maybe too much so? Lol. Or I'd have a book out by now.

But anyway, it applies to every type of creative work, imo. You don't cast someone because YOU like them, particularly in an adaptation of a work as iconic as Wuthering Heights. You cast them because they are right for the role.

Heathcliff and Cathy, especially Heathcliff, are two of the most groundbreaking and influential characters in literature of the past 3 centuries. Heathcliff's lack of proximity (for his era) to whiteness is particularly central to the role, and I don't know anyone who seriously takes this work apart and isn't like... actively racist... who interprets Heathcliff as white. It's so crucial to his character that he is "other" in his society.

It's just TRULY a shame to me that she not only cast someone as subpar as Elordi, but someone so, so white. Like, I wouldn't want a white actor I love to play Heathcliff. And this is a fabulous role for a man of color, too.

The last adaptation did cast a man of color, but it was frankly not a very high profile project and not well done.

(I also think it would be compelling to cast a man of Roma descent OR a man of Asian, specifically South Asian descent because the text literally uses a contemporary term for Indian men to describe him... Though Nelly also speculates that he has Chinese heritage, and there are definitely some implications that he could be descended from presumably African enslaved people. The latter I could definitely see being an interpretation when you factor in the speculation that he's Mr. Earnshaw's illegitimate child. I think there's always this idea that "catch-all" terms were probably being used to describe Heathcliff's appearance, but I've thought for a while that I would personally most love to see a Roma actor or a South Asian actor play him.

But like. Literally any other than a white guy.)

This will be much more high profile, with way more attention, and it just really sucks that Emerald decided to use it to push one of her faves. It tells me that she has very little respect for the text. On what planet would anyone, even in the 1800s, look at Jacob Elordi and think that he was anything other than a white guy.

And again, I think Margot is way too old to play Cathy, and honestly doesn't read in any way as Cathy to me. I say that as someone who, again, considers her a very strong actress when she's in her element. I just. Ugh.

[bookshelfdreams]

There were two great posts about Izzy yesterday, and I would like to expand on and add my 2 ct to the things said in them a little. One, by @celluloidbroomcloset (with additions by several others), about how Izzy immediately falls back into old patterns of manipulative behaviour after his supposed redemption in 02x07, only this time with Stede as the focus of said behaviours instead of Ed. The other, by @batsarebetterthanpeople, about how Izzy's behaviour in 02x06 and onward is more akin to the development a homophobe coming around to a queer loved one, than an arc of queer self-discovery.

Izzy's story isn't about himself. I think this is the first, fundamental mistake people make when engaging with it. He's not a protagonist; he doesn't exist in the story for his own sake. So when ofmd asks "How to reform a toxic person? What does it look like and is it even possible?", the starting point isn't one of empathy with Izzy.

It's one of empathy with Ed. ofmd is asking these questions not because it wants to understand Izzy better. What it wants to explore is the possibility of Ed having the relationship with Izzy Ed wants. Whether Izzy can be brought around to understanding Ed's wants and needs, whether he can understand the hurt he caused him.

This is a fundamentally different approach to how these stories are usually told. Usually, we start out with the unspoken assumption that the toxic person is well-intentioned, good at heart, and whatever pain they caused our protagonist is more akin to a misunderstanding than deliberate harm. Yes, they may have have caused hurt, but if you just see things from their perspective, you'll understand that they only had your best interest in mind, and that will enable you to forgive them.

Obviously this can't not veer off into victim blaming. "The abuser had a good reason for what they did, and therefore, it's your own fault. Or at the very least not theirs."

ofmd fundamentally rejects this. It is very careful to never let the bullies and abusers have a valid point. Abusers are abusive because they get something out of it. To truly reform an abuser, they would have to be willing to build a life for themselves that is a lot less comfortable. Where they have to consider other's feelings, communicate and compromise, meet other people on equal footing, instead of putting themselves in a position of authority. It means letting go of patterns of behaviour that they have so far been quite successful with*.

And Izzy - tries. He is interesting because part of him clearly wants to leave the toxicity behind. He gets to see what positive relationships, human connection, being part of a community look like; he's offered an outstretched hand, and, after biting it a few times, tentatively starts to take it.

But he can't quite get there. The temptation to fall back into what he knows is too strong. celluloidbroomcloset's post linked above talks mainly about 02x07, so I'm not gonna repeat all that, but I'm going to add two little scenes from 02x06 that further cement this. In the beginning of the episode, Izzy finds Ed as he's standing on deck, watching the sea, and the conversation that plays out is a clear mirror to, almost repeat of the Frankfurter clouds scene from 01x04. Ed tries to share an observation with Izzy in an attempt to reach out to him ("Something's wrong. Feels like a storm's coming but I can't see it."), which Izzy, of course, immediately dismisses ("Or maybe you're just a mopey twat and there is no fucking storm").

The second scene is, when Izzy is the only one discouraging Ed from following Stede to his cabin after he kills Ned Lowe. Discouraging support, discouraging connection and emotional honesty; Izzy will continue to try to isolate Stede.

Now, I do not think this, or the things happening in 02x07, are put in there deliberately to show that Izzy has ulterior motives. Rather, they are an illustration of how deep these maladaptive patterns of behaviour go. Izzy isn't able to fully admit to himself the extend of the harm he caused and this is what prevents him from truly changing his behaviour - even when he has just experienced the benefits of a loving, supportive community!

All of this is the explanation to the answer the show gives to our starting question: Is it possible for Ed to have the relationship with Izzy that Ed wants? And the answer is: No. Just because growth is possible, doesn't mean it is enough. Doesn't mean anyone's entitled to forgiveness. Sometimes, the only compassionate thing to do, is to take yourself permanently out of the other person's life.

But Izzy did learn, and he did grow. It's just that the purpose of said growth wasn't to heal him; it was to enable him to understand the hurt he caused to Ed. That doesn't have to mean people like Izzy can never be reformed, it just means that this isn't a story about the reformation of a toxic person. It's the story of leaving this toxicity behind.

And this is why Izzy's heartfelt apology followed by his immediate death is a positive ending. It represents the conviction that no relationship is so broken it can't be mended, but also the assurance that no relationship is so important it can't be ended.

Ed gets to hear the things he needs to hear most - I am sorry, I was wrong, you didn't deserve this - and then Izzy disappears from his life, and with him, all the toxicity he represents.

They can part on good terms, but part they must. So Ed can go into the rest of his life, unburdened.

*read Lundy Bancroft's "Why does he do that", seriously. The whole thing is on archive.org.

[lastwave]

Harry Du Bois, the skills + DID/OSDD coding

a compilation of most of my thoughts on harry as a system (note: i am system im not just like. pulling stuff out my ass)

1. Structural Dissociation Theory crash course

so for this point i'm going to give you a crash course structural dissociation theory (do not use me as a source for ur knowledge on it this is very like. base level and just to establish context)

structural dissociation states that we all start as multiple different facets, and that as we grow up, these facets all fuse into a cohesive personality. however, in DID/OSDD, ongoing trauma proves it safer to NOT fuse these facets and instead develop dissociative and amnestic barriers between them to varying degrees. these facets cope by developing into individual personalities, and if traumatic events persist, the brain may split more personalities to try and cope with this. this gives us two bits of information that i'm going to use throughout this

1. there is no "original", just alters that host for long periods of time and/or identify with the body the most

2. amnestic & dissociative barriers are fluid. in times of rest, these barriers may start to come down between some alters, but not necessarily all.

**NOTE: these are not hard and fast rules and vary from system to system. it's also vastly different if you have Polyfrag DID or Complex DID. since I don't hc Harry as polyfrag or complex tho, i'm not gonna get into that

2. Harry (the system)

so it's pretty easy to establish that harry has a good handful of childhood trauma. being born in a military hospital + town and growing up there means he probably saw and/or heard a lot of death and sickness. we also know his father left based on the logic passive in the measurehead conversation

we also know from the reaction speed passive when you find out your name that harry was born in a time all these were concerns. most likely, hunger, considering how through the game hunger + eating is an undertone w/ harry

we also have the klaasje half-light passive implying that harry's been raped (might not have occurred during childhood, but still a contributing factor to trauma)

my point being bro has enough childhood trauma and then some to create a system.

we also see a LOT of amnestic barriers between harry and the rest of the skills. besides the obvious not remembering anything, we see the skills remembering things that harry doesn't.

for example, EChem remembers that harry took speed some point recently, while harry himself doesn't

we also see that the skills have distinct personalities and opinions separate from each other. shit we've got a communist (rhetoric) and a fascist (endurance) living in the same fucking body. half light is immediately suspicious of everyone and everything while empathy tries to understand everyone even to their own detriment. and volition and echem need a whole post of their own. thats some pretty strong dissociative barriers

3. Harry (the alter)

to be quite honest with you i think harry as we, the audience, know him is a brand new split, an introject* of an old host that has either fused with another alter or gone dormant. he's trying to fill a different harry du bois's shoes- someone he is fundamentally similar to, but is, at his core, not

*Definition from did-research.org: Introjects are alters that are based off of an outside person or figure. Introjects may or may not see themselves as the individual that they represent.

knowing nothing about yourself, even what you look like, is a common feeling for new splits (in our experience). with the high amnestic barriers separating harry from the rest of the system, it makes sense that the first time he is conscious he is totally lost about his own identity, where he lives, or what his occupation even is.

losing facts about basic reality is probably a dissociative response. things the brain knows (see encyclopedia filling in gaps once given a prompt about something like Fillipe the Conquerer) but doesn't want the new host to know for fear of not being able to function.

4. Certain Alters with Functions

some of the skills fall into alter "archetypes" (not all alters will, even in like. real life systems) and im just gonna list them out here:

ones with subtextual backing:

Volition: Caretaker + Apparent Normal Part

Half-Light: trauma holder

Electro-Chemistry: symptom + trauma holder

Authority: protector

Logic: apparent normal part

ones that are just my headcanons:

Interfacing: little

Endurance: ex-persecutor

Inland Empire: ex-caretaker

here ends my post of articulate thoughts, if u have any like. follow up questions feel free to shoot me an ask. might take me a minute tho

[nattikay]

this was originally a response to another post but it seems OP blocked me for it so idk if people can still see/interact with said response but heck it i spent a fair while collecting the panels/typing it up so i'm just transferring it over to a new post for anyone else who might be interested in readin'

"Neteyam has to act like a full grown adult [and we should feel bad for him because of this]"

No. Neteyam acts mature because that's his personality, not because it's been forced on him. He chooses to. The idea that he is forced against his will to "act grown-up" and is miserable about it is fanon, not canon.

James Cameron on Neteyam (from the WoW bonus features): "Jamie Flatters plays Neteyam, he's the older brother. He's kind of the guy who most wants to be Jake. He wants to be that warrior."

Jamie Flatters in that same clip:"He just pretty much wants to walk in the footsteps of his father. He's constantly seeking approval [from Jake]"

Note that neither of these, nor anything from the movie or comics, mention anything about external "expectations" or "pressure". Any "pressure" Neteyam experiences to live up to Jake's legacy comes from himself, not from external expectations that have been forced on him. Neteyam WANTS to be a warrior. He WANTS to be like his father and do brave mature grown-up things.

And for the most part, he's pretty good at it too. He's the "golden child" who "excels in all things", the youngest Omatikaya warrior to ever make a clean kill on a sturmbeest. He's strong, smart, brave, noble, and highly skilled for his age.

He knows this, and he wants to do more. Neteyam seeks out more responsibility, especially where fighting is concerned, and it's actually Jake who is hesitant to give it to him, because naturally he fears for his son's life (a very fair and well-founded fear, all things considered :P).

In fact, on the rare occasion that Neteyam does disobey orders, it's in this context of wanting to be part of these adult matters.

"he's too busy training and patrolling instead of acting his age" He is acting his age. His age is "cusp of adulthood". He's not quite there just yet, no, but he's getting close and is eager to get there. He trains and patrols with his parents because HE WANTS TO. He begs to participate in warrior's work.

And if by "act his age" you meant "do teenager things like tease his brother, snicker about immature things, hang out and goof off," etc., guess what he does that too

[originally had a list of relevant GIFs here but tumblr decided it was allergic to them apparently; anyways you can find them all here]

As for looking after his siblings, as a certified Oldest Sibling™ myself, I can assure you that parents expecting you to help look out for and set a good example for your younger siblings is very normal and nowhere near the mountain the fandom seems to make of this molehill.

There are valid reasons to feel sorry for Neteyam—he, like the rest of his family, had to leave his home and start over in a new unfamiliar place among a new clan of strangers with unfamiliar customs. He—not unlike Lo'ak!—desperately wants a chance to prove himself to Jake, and is frustrated when his dad doesn't want to let him participate in battle. And, of course, the big one—his life was tragically taken far too soon.

But "overworked little sadboi who just wants to Be A Kid™ but can't because his meanie parents force him to act like a Grownup™ because he's under Pressure™ to be the perfect future olo'eyktan" is not one of those reasons. That's pure fanfiction and a fundamental misunderstanding of his character. Neteyam is not "wannabe-carefree kid trapped under the crushing weight of expectations forced upon him against his will"—rather, he is "talented noble young warrior who wants to live up to his legendary father of his own volition and strives to do so".

[ghost-bxrd]

What would fae!dick and Bruce's relationship be like? Would they fight, woild they be loyal to a fault, would they even separate? Faes do love living in one place after all

Hmmm, well if we go with the option of Dick growing up mostly in the human world being more accustomed to attaching himself to people rather than a place I’d reckon him and Bruce would end up growing quite close.

Of course, the manor becomes Dick’s permanent home and reacts to the presence of an other being rather quickly, but at the core of it? I think Dick would use Bruce and Alfred as his anchor, with Jason and Tim and all the others joining over time.

And loyalty… well, the creatures I grew up with were never divided into good or evil. They were very versatile, much like humans. One could be kind and sweet in one story only to turn monstrous in the next, usually dependent on how they’d been treated by the human of the story. Dick is kind and loyal by nature and I headcanon he only shows his more “monstrous” side when he’s truly irked or feels he’s been wronged in some way (which is… a very subjective thing for fae).

Bruce offered Dick a home and a family, both things that certain type of other creatures value very much and consider sacrosanct. It may not win him over right away, but it goes a long way in building that fundamental trust that’s gonna end with Batman and Robin roaming the streets as a team.

On Bruce’s part… most things he does that are considered “gift giving” and “offers of kinship” are accidental. Because, well, he’s not fae. And he’s new to this child-parent thing and is totally winging it but it??? Seems to work ok???? And he finds that bribing Dick with food and old trinkets makes the boy more approachable, so that’s what he keeps doing until Dick starts coming to him on his own, without additional prompting.

Bruce is super happy because he thinks he’s doing this parenting stuff right and his son ward is warming up to him.

Dick is grudgingly charmed into accepting Bruce and Alfred as “his” humans. (It’s really hard to stay cold and distant with all the good food. And Dick may be fae but he’s been around humans all his life. He gets lonely embarrassingly easy. And he thrives and hugs.)

Sheesh ok getting off topic again. To sum it all up: I think their bond would be pretty strong and not easily broken. There’s mutual trust going on, but Bruce would have to learn to make compromises with Dick very early due to his… otherness. All those strict rules wouldn’t go over well with a fae. at all. Especially not if Dick found out who got his parents killed.

Consequently I think the monumental fallout that ends with Dick moving to Blüdhaven wouldn’t happen. At least not in its original severity. Mostly because Bruce had to get accustomed to Dick having a strong mind of his own years ago, and because he found out that being “rude and downright disrespectful” is an easy way to have a murder of crows with a suspicious number of eyes and wings chase you around for weeks on end. (Not to mention the deer incident. Bruce swears deer should NOT have that many rows of teeth.)

So yeah, they still argue. They still fight. But it’s usually just small spats and gets resolved rather quickly. ✨ and now that Dick’s finally settled down? Yup. Sorry. That’s HIS stretch of land now. He’s got his magic sunk into the very roots of it. Thank you and good day. And may the gods help anyone who tries to take it OR his humans away from him. 🌳

[psychomusic]

so. I've been reading some posts on the jedi order tag AND i won't talk about my opinion on "are jedi good or bad discourse" BUT i wanna point out some lore to everyone who's complaining about the jedi taking kids into their order: (in the EU) it wasn't always like this.

if you take swtor era (more than 3000 years before the prequels) there were many jedi who joined at an older age. like, for example there was a guy who broke his engagement to become one. most jedi remember their families because they were old enough when they decided to go.

THEN in darth bane's book trilogy (circa 1000 yesrs before the prequels) there is a passage where two sith lords are talking about taking bane, already an adult, to study at korriban. one doubted him because he was too old, ans the other told him he sounded like a jedi, and that ONE DAY jedi will have to accept only kids into their ranks if they really want to find "pure" people that can learn their lessons quicker.

one day!! so it wasn't always like that!! the ongoing wars with the sith, who corrupted and killed many of them, had pressured them into taking always younger people into their ranks.

also, consider a thing that this video explains super well: training to become a jedi is not like exercising, because there is a transformative lesson at the end of the training that changes everything. you can't just do as much as you can, but not finish.

the transformative lesson, as the video explains, is that through the force, everything is the same - from rocks and ships to life and death. at the end of the training you have to understand this fundamental truth.

yoda says "you have to unlearn what you have learned". during times where they were constantly killed off or corrupted by the dark side (and if you haven't learned this lesson you are more susceptible to this corrupting), younger people were taken in to actually finish their training (a training that was ultimately about being a good person AND that you could leave at any point if you weren't sold on that, too)

(remember that for the sith failure = death. like. that was the alternative for force sensitive kids. it's not like sith had any moral problem with taking kids away without consent. sith don't have moral problems: they believe that them being stronger in the force means they can do whatever they want as long as their strong enough to go and do it. there are MANY passages in many different star wars stories, even in different mediums, that say this out loud)

AND (this is more of a critical thought than just stating the lore) the fact that they started doing it out of necessity doesn't mean it's 100% good BUT you know. the whole set up of the prequels is that we're starting off the story in a period of crisis and decadence all around. most of the systems of the times were about to fall. OF COURSE they had problems. if they didn't, we wouldn't have the story to begin with.

that doesn't automatically mean jedi = bad and sith are better, tho. you wouldn't take the last, chaotic and decadent period to jugde something, would you? it's like deciding that the athenian democracy sucked because people at the times of Demosthenes failed at recognizing the new schemes in which the world was evolving into, and still believed that their city would be important as it had been in the previous century. They just didn't fucking expect the Macedons would conquer half the world known and more, and have the subsequent political power. Still, their experiences in the 5th century with democracy were very good, even better than ours on many fronts, if you contextualize a little. the jedi had flaws, and most importantly, they didn't fucking know the future and everything that ever happened, ever, so they made mistakes. that doesn't automatically make the system ill, or bad, or not-working. systems can have setbacks when the world changes. (just like athenian democracy had one when they lost the empire that was funding the democracy. they even had a tyranny for a while and then fixed the problems. that doesn't diminish retrospectively their democracy)

[chonkymoth]

going off of that twitter post about how Nandor is fucking giddy when talking w the Baron about how Guillermo killed all the vamps in the theatre and how he doesn't want Guillermo to change:

Nandor is happiest, or at least proudest, when recalling his own days as a fearsome warrior — his acts in conquering, slaughtering, and pillaging. He talks so highly of himself from that point in his life. And it begs the question if he considers vampirism a curse, at least in part, because he is no longer that once ruthless leader and fighter. In terms of overall vampires, he's honestly just kind of average it seems. And when it comes to Guillermo he's downright soft, to the point that multiple other vampires have pointed out that his feelings towards Guillermo and the way he treats him are odd, to say the least, for a vampire/familiar relationship.

But the thing is, I think the thing he respects the most about Guillermo is those same qualities he once had. He sees Guillermo as someone who is powerful and strong and fully capable of holding his own (and tbf he's very right). Him wholeheartedly vouching to the others to spare Guillermo in the name of the "warrior's code"? Yeah, that. And he knows vampirism changed that about him. I think, deep in that emotionally constipated little brain of his, he's so scared of Guillermo getting turned and no longer having those qualities he loves and respects, and instead turning out just like Nandor. We as a fandom talk a lot about how Nandor is scared Guillermo would leave him — and Nandor's said as much — and I do think that's a very good chunk of his hesitation to turn Guillermo, but I think a lot of it, too, is that he's scared of Guillermo turning out just like he has.

Yet, when Nandor sought out a wife last season, he wanted someone devoid of those exact qualities he seems to relish and uphold. He wanted someone that basically just lifted him up rather than be his equal, his counterpart. Nandor got rid of people who bested him in a fight, who were too pretty or alluring, who were funnier than him, etc. And he found, seemingly, the perfect person for him within those tight guidelines....and then proceeded to change every single thing about her. Until finally changing her to be an exact copy of Guillermo's boyfriend. Aka: he desires what Guillermo desires.

Which leads to the question of what does Guillermo desire? Well, that's not nearly as hard to piece together since he's much more open about his feelings. Guillermo desires and values the qualities that, he thinks, come with being a vampire — being ruthless, powerful, and attractive. It's the whole reason he finally said fuck it and went to Derek, because he was so tired of being him. He never realized that he already held all of those qualities he valued ("I don't feel powerful. I don't feel sexy" that's because you already were those things, love). It's just that he discovered the hard way that those qualities weren't really intrinsic to being a vampire. But, back to the point I was trying to make; basically, he values all the qualities Nandor had/has. Former fearless ruler and warrior of a nation, who had 37 wives, and is now a bloodthirsty and terrifyingly strong vampire who fucks around with anyone he wants? Check, check, and check.

So, if Guillermo desires Nandor and Nandor desires what Guillermo does, then Nandor is realistically looking for someone that compliments him and is equivalent to him. Someone who he recognizes to have all of the qualities that are fundamental to who he is and was. Man, I wonder who that could be.... And honestly? I think Nandor is finally starting to connect all these dots himself. Which is just adding to his fear of Guillermo changing in any way. Because he likes and respects who Guillermo has become over these past seasons. And I'm so scared and excited to see how he takes Guillermo being turned, both now and after he sits with the information for a while, because, realistically, Guillermo hasn't changed, not really. But will Nandor realize that?

[words-of-wolf]

Content warning: this post contains mentions of wolves hunting other animals, and some thoughts on the subject. Nothing I'd consider graphic, but I know it can be sensitive for some folks so I thought I'd warn beforehand!

Hhh, it's a bit hard to know where to start with getting back into writing about my experiences.

It's not that I don't have anything to say - it's the opposite! There's so much I'd like to share. I've always loved talking about my experiences... maybe a bit self-indulgent, but I like to think it can help other folks too, and I've gotten many interesting conversations out of it in the past, so no regrets!

Can't imagine I'll be posting big things like this frequently, but I'll happily answer questions and chat too. ^u^

So... right now, what I've decided I'd like to write about is some of the, I guess kinda fundamental aspects of my identity as a wolf therian.

It's interesting in a way, because there are so many wolves around - there's a lot of people to compare experiences against! I guess, if you have a rare kintype, or a kintype that's varied enough that your individual variation of it is rare (like dragons) - it might be hard to imagine that a wolf would struggle to find other people they relate to. But then, well: there's me.

I don't think anyone's nonhuman experiences are wrong. I don't think anyones' are "superior" either; it's just about who you are as an individual, what feels right and comfortable to you. I just wanted to get that across! Cause what I'd like to talk about does involve some comparison between my feelings and the things I've seen expressed by other wolf therians, and I wouldn't want it to be read as me saying my way of being as any better than anyone elses' (it's not).

During my time in the kin and therian communities (which, I first encountered over ten years ago now, but my activity has been very on-and-off since I reached adulthood) I've met so, so many wolf therians. It's... hmm, complicated for me, in a way? Because I felt very isolated, especially when I was younger, and I felt like wolf therians were supposed to be "my people". But really, I could count on both hands how many wolves I've met that I really related to on any level.

And the reason for that is the same now as it's always been: for a lot of wolf therians, being a wolf seems to be a kind of violent, bloodthirsty identity. The "predator" feeling is strong; there's some affinity for the thrill of the kill, the violence of it all.

That's not a bad thing. It's not wrong! But my experience has been... very different from that.

My perception of wolfhood isn't really "red in tooth and claw" like that. It's more... simple. Not peaceful really - life as a wolf is full of trials and strife - but the violence never felt defining for me. In terms of personal importance, the feelings of wanting to hunt, to fight, to bite and maim... I'd be lying if I said they were entirely absent, but they were always tertiary to things that seemed far more present and central.

I think a big part of that is... well, for context, I believe my wolf identity is linked to a past life. Yeah, stereotypical, I know! But it's genuinely what I experience; I do remember that life, or at least aspects of it. And those memories influence a lot of my experiences in my current life as a wolf-person.

The thing that strikes me most when I compare my own perspective on wolfhood to the ideas often expressed by other wolf therians, is that to me, hunting wasn't violence. It couldn't be violence.

Why? Because I just plain didn't realise that the deer and other animals we killed were living things.

There was no... room to even consider that idea. I didn't know that the deer I drove to exhaustion felt pain and terror, same as I did. I just knew I was hungry and it was food.

It's a strange thing to consider, isn't it? People talk a lot about "what makes us human". I don't think there's any one thing that does. But if I were to point to one of the most jarring, and one of the most utterly sacred parts of being human to me, it would be the ability to connect emotionally with other species.

Humans are not unique for doing that. And maybe there's some animals a wolf could come to see as an individual, in the way I would've seen another wolf. But a deer would never be that. Which contrasts strangely with me, now, as a human: where I can love pigs, and care about their welfare and treatment, but still enjoy some bacon or a porkchop. That can conflict, sometimes, yeah - but from a wolf perspective, that would be incomprehensible. At least, from my experiences it would be.

And if you remove the idea of violence from hunting, suddenly a wolf's life doesn't seem very violent at all. The act of hunting and killing prey animals felt no more violent to me, than when I cook up a steak for myself now. To someone, that would be violent, but to me it's just a steak - y'know? I know the steak comes from a cow, but that fact brings me neither grief nor pleasure. It's just kinda how the world is and I'm mostly okay with that.

The act of hunting was, I'd say, something I enjoyed as a wolf. I loved the chase. It was fun. Taking down prey could be scary; even a deer is dangerous when cornered and desperate. But the thing with nature is that it makes what you have to do to survive feel desirable: so risking my life for a meal felt thrilling, in a way, and a full belly afterwards was satisfying, and comforting, and a relief from the usual gnaw of hunger.

Hunting's only a small part of being a wolf, though. Even setting aside all the attempted hunts that fall through before you even get into a full sprint.

A lot of wolf life focuses on territory. In some places, it's a very intense, almost war-like conflict; constant, bloody, often fatal. Not always, though. It depends a lot on the intensity of the ecosystem you live in: a place with lots of prey attracts lots of wolves, who then compete for access. If the prey's more spread out, the wolves are more spread out too... and an area of land feels less worth dying for when you've got so many others to search.

Me and my pack were one of the latter varieties. Territorial conflicts were rare, for us; I don't recall any specifically. We patrolled, we marked our space. Territorial disputes were something I was aware of, I think - if I saw a trespasser I certainly would've acted with aggression - but it just wasn't a common occurrence.

So my experience of being a wolf didn't feel like it was defined by violence much. It didn't feel bloody and raw. I could see myself in the image of a wolf that snarls, maybe, but moreso I see myself in the image of the wolf that sleeps, or - perhaps most of all - the wolf that wanders.

And that's what existence as a wolf was, and is for me! It's wandering. It is the neverending search. Even when you find what you need, the relief can't last long - you need to move on soon, you need to seek again soon, because it won't be long before your empty belly's gnawing at your insides again. It wasn't ever a life of violence, it was a life of travel, for the good and the bad of it: for the new sights and new smells and new opportunities; for the exhaustion, the uncertainty, the sore paws and aching muscles.

And the restlessness. The need to keep moving. Keep going. Keep searching, always searching.

But, of course, that's still not the centre piece of the puzzle. Because that could only ever, of course, be the pack.

This is something I'll probably dedicate time to writing about all on its own, because I have such deep feelings about "the pack" as a concept, and also about my pack, who I lived for in my last life.

But I will say that all of my deepest, most vivid, and most impactful memories... they're not of the hunt, they're not about territory or conflict or hunger. What I remember most richly is the love I felt for my pack. It's a feeling I can't quite find it in me to explain; sometimes I wonder if the reason I identify as loveless in this life, is simply because no love I've ever felt as a human could compare to what I felt as a wolf.

I think there's a kind of synergy between the simple mind of a wolf, and the feelings a wolf experiences: in the quiet of an animal's mind, emotions seem so much stronger, so much more vivid somehow. I feel that even now, when I have a mental shift, and the logic and reason falls away - all that's left is emotion and physical senses, and they paint a picture so, so bright.

And those past life memories that I hold dearest, they have a similar quality to them... to curl up with my family after a long day of travel. Or listen to their happy snores as we all sleep off a full belly. And playing with the pups... I was a very fun wolf-uncle. And those pups were my joy, light of my whole life! <3

So... yeah. That's what being a wolf is to me.

It's not the only way to be a wolf. It's not the "right" was vs anyone else's "wrong". This is just what wolfhood is to me personally. Maybe other wolves will see something of themselves in this, maybe not! Either way, I appreciate the time you took to read my rambling. It feels nice to carve out a place in my life again where I can really talk about this stuff. c:

[jkl-fff]

Obsession in a Good Cause

Since I finally watched Season 4 of "Lego Monkie Kid" today (MAGNIFICENT!), I feel the need to extol and ramble a bit about something deeper I noticed. A profound, recurring theme that really elevates the series in yet another way I wasn't expecting from silly lego people having magic, kung fu adventures with monkeys and such (gods damn, this show really has no business being this good).

And it's how characters with noble intentions and even kind hearts repeatedly fall to an obsession to make things *better* in some way. They can never leave well enough alone, they can never settle for good. And then ... in pursuit of making things *better*, they end up succumbing to a mentality of "The Ends Justify The Means" that winds up making things so much worse AND costing them everything they held dear.

Spoilers below.

Season 1 starts off with Demon Bull King, an archetypal bad guy, especially for a cartoon; he's big and strong, he wants to rule the world, he wants revenge for being trapped under a mountain, he's even cruel to his son. But a funny thing happens after his Season 1 finale butt-kicking: He spends some time bonding with his son (who he now sees grew up without him yet still only wants his love and approval) and worrying about his absent wife (while also being pretty sure his kickass wife can kick the ass of anyone who comes after her). Then, after being saved by people he ought to consider his enemies, he just ... goes home and mellows, watches some cooking shows, and spends more time with his family. Just being happy with them.

Everything we learn about DBK after that is practically a flashback to his pre-imprisonment days at minimum more than 500 years ago. And it makes one thing clear: he loved his family with a fierceness that would face down armies. Literally. He fought the Celestial Realm with his sworn brothers ... and I'm pretty sure he tried to conquer the Mortal Realm originally to build what he would consider a fitting kingdom for his wife and son. (Before he became obsessed with conquest itself, thanks in part to Lady Bone Demon's influence--obsessed enough even to lash out at the two people he was doing it for). That last one, I admit, is speculation, but I think it fits with how tenderly he was shown to love his family in the past and how mellow and domestic he becomes after letting go of conquest and just deciding to live in the moment. It was principally for them, like a father who spends too much time at work to provide for his family. Arguably a noble cause, but he became so obsessed with it that he lost 500 years of his life (and nearly the rest of his life) with them.

(Princess Iron Fan and Red Son both demonstrate it to a lesser degree, I reckon. Their relationship was not really loving at the start of the series, probably having suffered as a result of their obsessive drive to free DBK at any cost. Then to please him after his return. At least until he crossed a line--under LBD's influence--and lashed out physically at them, prompting them to leave him ... until he came back to them.)

Next there's Lady Bone Demon ... She's as terrifying and seemingly inevitable as death itself (fittingly, even Sun Wukong is scared of her), and her goal isn't to conquer the universe, but to destroy it.

Why, though? To make a better, perfect world free of the pain that plagues this one. Because she sees this world as fundamentally imperfect, and that imperfection at its very heart is the reason for all the pain in the world. From a certain perspective, she champions a very noble cause ... It's simply unfortunate that the world and everyone in it needs to be mercy-killed for her plan to work. But what's a little pain now to prevent greater pain later, right? It'll be over quickly, and then everything will be better for everyone ... somehow. Never mind the pleasure and happiness and joy people find in their lives despite (or even because of) the world's imperfect nature; she knows better so she will make things better, even if she must make everything worse first.

(Likewise for Spider Queen. She's so obsessed with reclaiming power she once held, that she loses the good thing she has left with her three loyal subjects. Instead of moving on and starting over and living a good if humbler life ... she dies.)

Then we come to Azure Lion and Yellowtusk (not so much Peng, as he seems to have always been more self-serving, but whatever). Two former warriors of the Celestial Realm who rebelled after seeing its corruption and indifference to mortal suffering. Where LBD was cold and nihilistic, they are warm and reformative. Their ideological position is that the flaw isn't with the world itself, but with those in power who care more about their own wealth, position, glory, and appetites than the needs of the common people. Replace the current leaders with ones who actually care about good governance--who have compassion for mortals--and they believe things *must* get better.

And GODS DAMN that's a sympathetic cause. How do you argue against it, given everything that's shown of the Celestial Realm's inactivity and isolationism? How do you argue against it when that's the story of real world politics? How do you not admire their courage and perseverance to try a second time after getting beaten down?

But it isn't enough for Azure Lion to reunite with Yellowtusk and Peng, just like it wasn't enough to form his own utopic kingdom where he could make a real difference (Note: A region they seemingly drained of life to form?). He could've had a good thing and walked away, but it wasn't enough. He was obsessed with casting down the Jade Emperor and replacing him to make *everything* better, so it was worth every dishonorable act he had to commit along the way. Lie to MK and Mei, let the others suffer through the scroll, imprison a sworn brother (and his family) when he chooses not to join yoir fight, slay a celestial army (and it seems a good deal of the palace staff), and risk the cosmos tearing itself apart? Strike preemptively at a potential threat even to the point of levelling mountains and slaying innocent mortals? All justified to keep his power, because he's the only one who will use that power responsibly and honorably. Ironic and tragic.

Finally ... Sun Wukong himself. What I love about Season 4 is how we see him before and druing that pivotal Journey to the West. And we get the perspective of several people who were very close to him before it--his sworn brothers. Azure and Yellowtusk admired how deeply SWK cared for his monkey subjects enough to be inspired to rebellion against the Celestial Realm, and even enough to choose SWK as their original replacement for the Jade Emperor. Macaque arguably loved him as more than a brother (if you interpret their interactions that way) and was prepared to follow along despite believing SWK should just stay on Flower Fruit Mountain and live happily ever after.

But Macaque gives us a fascinating insight into SWK's character before even that--insight into why SWK went to train with Madter Bodhi and raided the peaches and pills of immortality and so on. He feared death, he feared the good times ending, he never felt secure enough. He always needed more immortality, more power, more of a guarantee that things would stay wonderful for himself and those he cared about. Which eventually saw him imprisoned under a mountain, alone; which eventually saw him indentured to Tang Sanzang and forced to combat his sworn brothers; which eventually put him right back on Flower Fruit Mountain without any of his old or new friends. He was obsessed with things being *better* than they were ... and that inevitably cost him in the past, and threatens what happiness he does have in the present.

Thankfully, like DBK, he is capable of learning to move on. Hopefully, he'll be able to do so (and can help MK learn to do the same) before it's too late.

[keikakudom]

Lemme try and make sense of Vox's mindset, and correct me if I get anything wrong?

I think Vox in RR!au hardly actually thinks about suicide. He's too much of a busy man to do that, after all! Thinking about death is for people with too much time on their hands, who don't have to deal with a billion problems on the daily. And sure, maybe it wouldn't be a terrible accident if he was locked out on extermination day one year (not that there's exterminations anymore), but he'll never bother to actively seek it -- why would he? He has things to do. Empires to run/build. Deals to make. Resorts to run, residents to settle, princesses to talk to.

Really, everything would be just fine and dandy, as long as progress is being made, nothing goes wrong at the resort, heaven doesn't come down for no good reason, and that deer freak manage to not bother him for a single day. All dandy!

So what if he's been going through business ventures like someone going through Doritos at the back of the car? It's difficult to stay on top, in Hell, and he can't rely on tech or media forever, not when they cycle faster and faster(and he would know, of course, his whole body is made of it). He's doing what it takes, and if it's risky, what business isn't?

And re: Alastor, vox may have once had feelings for him, but now it's probably soured into maybe wishing that Alastor would just fuck off somewhere where he'll never be heard from again. I think Vox knows very well from years of companionship that Alastor considers him a source of amusement and entertainment rather than an equal, and that hasn't truly changed even after he left, and in a way that has to bite? That Alastor cannot leave it alone, has to make his opinions and disdain clear to all of hell every single day, and also make it clear that vox cannot do anything to stop him (that tv still runs on radiowaves fundamentally, that he can't get rid of Alastor's influence).

Like the way I interpret canon!vox's feelings re:alastor has a lot more insecurity and the desire to show he's stronger now, he's over it, he doesn't need him, than just being rejected romantically, and in contrast RR!vox grinned and bore it longer without letting on, and then at some point just gave up, by which time his feelings have soured so far past insecurity and bitterness into straight up nihilism. (Doomed yaoi my fav)

Ok I'm just rambling now but yeah I think vox in RR!au is really really interesting? Bc he's y'know not in the best place but also he's fine. He's not, probably never, going to actively do anything, left to his own devices he's just going to keep at his daily routine and eventually self-destruct on his own hubris by taking on far more than he is capable of (people pleasing tendencies, hm?). But otherwise he's fine.

*drops my glass of milk* yea, this all. Checks out.

(that tv still runs on radiowaves fundamentally, that he can't get rid of Alastor's influence)

I think RR!Alastor is also chasing RR!Vox because he knows something is really wrong when Vox wants to cut something *fundamental to his functions* out from his life... If Alastor had any heat to his words, he could do some serious damage to Vox.

But Alastor was not able to reciprocate back then(or in general) the way Vox ever wanted him to. Alastor might think, "What's so wrong about being amusing to me? What's so wrong in being cared for that way?" But we know that Vox, even in canon, is pretty damn emotional. A confession was bound to happen, but since RR!Vox never did, he opt'd to shut them off. It started off with distractions, and those worked too well. Eventually he gave up trying to figure out his emotions and took the "easy" way out, nihilism--but like everything Vox dips his foot into, it's never enough. Only this time it's not only power(like I interpret canon!Vox to seek) that's growing/he's greedy for, it's this all-encompassing void.

Another interesting characterization to tack onto RR!AU Vox is his strong lack of self-preservation, I did mention it here when I had some thoughts on canon!Vox, but rather than "confidence", he does not care. And on occasion, he can go irrationally, batshit crazy for the same reason.

Let's set the stage in hmm, 1980s? He starts not to care about smaller allies, the people he stomps on, eating them up to become an overlord. Recruits Valentino, doesn't care that Val is immoral. At first it's "not his business", but it starts spreading. What is it that he's looking for? Power? Love? Entertainment? People to accept him?

Which is why RR!Vox decided to jump the gun a little bit and shoot for becoming a form of "GOD", aka the original reason for all his anguish in Hell(his religious roots as a human). It's kind of...an endpoint? It's not the most sane, or sensical route-- but he doesn't care that much. He's functioning on this tired/desensitized, pseudo-robotic, logical reasoning with a combo of "oh god I'm running out of interest"(in existing/running himself to the ground). So....hm, "fine" is a tragic word, indeed.

He's not, probably never, going to actively do anything, left to his own devices he's just going to keep at his daily routine and eventually self-destruct on his own hubris by taking on far more than he is capable of (people pleasing tendencies, hm?). But otherwise he's fine.

Welllll, he did always want to go out with a bang. If he did. I don't know, something really big. Like becoming God! Yeah.....That'd do it.

IMO, the premise of RR!AU isn't in stasis-- the reason Vox picked up this project in particular is an aggressive move. He's no longer distributing the same amount of work to the other Vees either anymore, so there is....some urgency, is what I like to think....

[batsplat]

jorge martin is just an off-brand motogp version of george russell. both incredible qualifiers, hard racers, have issues sometimes keeping their tyres together, have stayed in a satellite/backmarker team for three years begging the big manufacturer to accept them into the main fold and will randomly decide that they are actually done with race by beefing it into the gravel/walls on the last laps.

this is why ducati did not hire martin, he hasn’t done the power point presentation

strong last line but hm... do I agree with this...

I don't entirely disagree with the profile of racer, though jorge's a bit more in the flame bright and early mould (partly also just because of the different rhythms of those two racing series). he cut his teeth not just on being an exceptional qualifier but also a starter. even though this year, you do kinda have to say pecco's just?? uh?? he's never been a BAD starter but I swear he didn't used to be this good? some of his starts from the second or third row this year have been genuine works of art. this isn't relevant, just needed to mention it. that's part of why jorge does so well at sprints... he's really good at that abbreviated format, where it's just all out from the very start. mr russell was considered quite a poor starter in his williams days (though lbr that may have partly been car characteristics) - the qualifying's very strong and very consistent, but for a while the question was of capitalising off the line. he's got a few more drives that are about working his way through the field... like qatar last year. I just don't really associate jorge with that?

the bottling thing is debatable and we could get into that debate, but like, never mind that. we're leaving sports analysis now and getting back into vibes territory. the thing about jorge is that he has had a competitive bike from the word go. mr russell, whatever you think about how clutch he is or isn't, did not set a foot wrong in terms of making the mercedes case for himself. what happened with him was basically just... a series of unfortunate events that got him stuck in a spectacularly uncompetitive car for three years. got one shot in a good car in said three years (sakhir 2020) and delivered the perfect performance. but jorge!! jorge had 2022!! he blew it!! he did get unlucky with the gp22 vs the gp21 comparison early that season and how bastianini was able to take advantage of the early stage factory spec malaise, and he's far from the only gp22 who was struggling early on (cf one 'pecco bagnaia'). but still, some of his rides that year were. truly horrendous. and the way the whole thing played out left him with a massive chip on the shoulder.... that's the thing, right, I think what's so key about jorge is that sense of grievance, the fact that he was rejected for that factory seat and we're now several years on from that. and it's a really thin line between that being a good thing and a bad thing. like, anything that's a potential source of motivation fundamentally can be helpful, right? in 2007, casey showed up at ducati as not their first choice, kinda a stopgap, and also after yamaha had pulled the plug on a potential contract not once but twice. he has spoken again and again how yamaha and honda's behaviour towards him made him want to show them exactly what they were missing out on. he used that! it was good for him as a competitor that he had something to get worked up over! he's done it throughout his career! but on the flip side, if you're so busy feeling victimised that you're kind of already... primed for failure, then you've got a problem. like, if the takeaway is you're probably screwed anyway because you're being sabotaged by the factory, then even if that were true you're fucked before you start competing. you've already lost in your own head, you've made excuses before you've even started. it's a thin line! thinking the world is out to get you can either be a good way to get yourself to going, or it can be a loser mindset

quickly circling back to georgie boy, my main feeling is that they kinda have a different type of malaise. one is an overthinker and the other is at times very much an under-thinker. grussy actually shares the overthinking trait with his fellow 63 more than anyone else... all three kinda have this fun meeting point of a lot of cockiness and a lot of insecurity - they just balance them in other ways. and russell reminds me more of pecco in that kind of... being constantly thrown up against a Big Legacy of someone you admire, being in the shadow of greats and having to make your own name... you're very much part of a succession plan that leaves you with massive shoes to fill... (though admittedly grussy has also gone through the unenviable experience of getting to work closely with his hero and eventually having most of said hero's fans absolutely despise him. can happen, I suppose.) jorge is a bit more baggage-free. he's very much the main character in his own story, not so much faffing about with the narrative implications of all this shit. more straightforward! if jorge wins, it's about him. if he loses, it's also about him. ducati has been his world for the past few years, to the point where he's gotten a bit parochial about the whole thing. early this season, he was talking like - sure, the championship lead is important, BUT this is also giving him power in contract negotiations!! which... yes, that's true, but also that should be way down the order of priorities my man. jorge martin might be the only person in this universe who... genuinely might be more obsessed with beating pecco than marc? like, beating the marc marquez would be great and all, 8x world champion bla bla, but pecco is his personal antagonist! he's known him for years! that's ducati's golden boy! he needs to beat pecco so badly! there's something really fun about a rivalry where it feels like at least one side's feelings towards the other... kinda go beyond a personal relationship, like at a certain point it becomes about what the other guy Represents. jorge isn't worried about legacy and the shoes he's got to fill and can he truly live up to all those expectations as much as he's worried about himself and also occasionally pecco bagnaia

anyway, I've been thinking about the bottling thing... what jorge said about it earlier's been rattling around in my head since I saw the quote

man, it must be really tough, right? like, you don't know why it's happening... it's not just cockiness - though there is an element of someone who's kinda used to bulldozing his way through problems with sheer obstinacy and stubborn self belief (another distinction with the 63's, who are more introspective and prone to self-flagellation following mistakes). but it's also just... you can't figure out why it's such a fundamental shortcoming of your game! today, from the way pecco and also luca (apparently) were talking about it, it seems like there was something noticeable about how jorge was gradually losing a bit in his control and precision as a result of how the tyres were going off, as a sort of precursor of the fatal error. which... well, it's at least a somewhat understandable mistake, because it comes from pressure? it's not just the tyres going off each time - the mugello sprint crash was lap four, jerez was lap ten. but an interesting thing about his big errors this year is that they have all come as a result of serious pressure - as a result of pecco directly behind him in the case of jerez and sachsenring and like... in anticipation of the massive points damage he knew he was probably going to take in mugello. it sounds obvious to say pressure is more likely to generate mistakes, but of course that's not always true of our title contenders! pecco only really wakes up when he's already dug a hole halfway to the centre of the earth - but when he faces actual pressure, his track record is mostly very strong. his biggest howlers this season, portimao + catalunya sprints, both came when he was leading comfortably. martin has also made these pressure-light mistakes in the past, most memorably indonesia last year but... well

one of the most fascinating bits of sports are like... limits and ceilings and how your build-up as an athlete kinda determines what's possible for you. like, sports is sort of where you experiment with notions of fate and inevitability and all that, where you question whether it's possible for anyone to ever really change. is it once a choker, always a choker? if you know that you have this problem, this flaw that is always just there in the background, waiting to be actualised - what can you do? does it give you more or less hope that there's not a clear root cause? how debilitating that must be for confidence too, always knowing that you could cause everything you've worked for to crash down in a moment.... this is where. y'know, the thing with pecco, right, is that he's now gotten to a weird place where psychologically he has to be wary of the mistakes he himself makes - but he knows that he can also bounce back from them. he has that muscle memory, because he's done it before. he chucked it down the road in india and he won the title! jorge did it in thailand and he didn't! and the problem is that it becomes a self-reinforcing cycle of sorts, because even though the margin between the two of them at the end of last year ended up being relatively slim... one of them still won and one of them still lost. which actually means that even though pecco and jorge both have made serious mistakes this year (though pecco's track record is cleaner - in portimao the points punishment didn't quite fit the crime and in the jerez/le mans sprints he was kinda just unlucky), only one of them knows they can do this shit and win the title anyway

and now jorge has an entire summer break to go away and think about that. can be a good thing, get some distance, and it's easy to slip into a run of bad form that you can't escape if there's no interruption. can be an awful thing because you're sitting with your mistakes for weeks on end with no chance to rectify them. I'm naturally a pessimist on the 'can any athlete ever really change' question because life has very much worn me down on this topic over the last few years (aka some sports results made me really sad). but I always want to be optimistic! I want to believe athletes can fix their fatal flaws! I want to believe they can get better at managing their tyres and not folding under pressure. and pressure works weirdly... sometimes it's not really a test of 'mental strength' as much as it is of what kind of in-built margin an athlete has (btw this is my best guess for what goes wrong with martin). sometimes it's beneficial in sharpening the mind and erasing the possibility of you just... not being sufficiently concentrated (which is my best guess for what happens with pecco when he's not being pressured). can you truly get better at dealing with that? or at a certain point, have you already accumulated so much mental scar tissue that you're always going to get in your own way? who knows! maybe we're all doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past forever and ever. who knows

anyway. in response to this ask. I do think it's more a case of 63's aligned in being too stuck in their own head, too concerned with legacy, and walking a very thin line between arrogance and insecurity. all three of them, though, have a bad case of 'coming through the ranks in an era of greats they'll always be disparagingly compared to'. what's new can never be as good as what came before, right? and they're constantly struggling to manage or maybe even overcome basic flaws that seem to be embedded in their make up as competitors... maybe they'll make it, just a little. maybe they never will. but it sure is fun to watch them try!

[koalatysleep]

Was Togashi trying to force Shonen Jump to let him end YYH when he wrote the 3 Kings Arc?

UPDATE: I now have a different read on 3 kings arc and Togashi's authorial intent, so the content in this post is outdated! Just leaving it here anyway for posterity's sake, so we have a record of how my read has changed with a deeper understanding of YYH!

I was gushing about Kuwameshi with @bisaster-energy aka @extra-somethin-somethin and the topic turned to how the 3 Kings Arc was dissonant and unsatisfactory for both of us, coz our beloved Kuwabara wasn't even in that arc, and we both found it hard to believe Kuwabara would just go back to regular life after all that he'd been through with Yusuke.

I mean! After Kuwabara's eyes have been opened to the Makai and Spirit Realm, after the Deeply Meaningful Good he and Yusuke had done to help both people and demons, such as freeing the enslaved mind-controlled humans from the despicable Ichigai, and stopping the world-ending scheme of corrupt humans like Sakyo from destroying the human realm, the Kuwabara we all know and love definitely would NOT have chosen to stay on the sidelines for the sake of studying, especially since the Good he and Yusuke had done would have resonated so fundamentally with who Kuwabara is and his purpose in life!

I mean, C'mon! Studying would have felt pretty empty in comparison! Sure, Kuwabara can apply himself to studying if it's to help Okubo keep his job to feed his family, but Kuwabara isn't in love with studying in and of itself, he was doing it to help someone he cares about. Kuwabara is very similar to Yusuke in that they both fight for people, not abstract ideals like academic achievement.

Plus! Genkai had literally just showed Kuwabara with the Territory arc (when Kato and gang kidnapped Yusuke so easily), that no matter how strong Yusuke got, he will always need Kuwabara to watch his back, even if Kuwabara feels he's nowhere near as strong as Yusuke! I find it extremely hard to believe Kuwabara would then just let Yusuke go off all by himself to the unknown Makai without anyone to watch his back, where Raizen, an unknown powerful demon, had literally just hijacked Yusuke's mind!

So what was going on in the 3 Kings Arc? Why did Togashi make Kuwabara and Yusuke act so OOC in ways that doesn't even make narrative sense?

I personally think the 3 Kings Arc was actually Togashi forcing Shonen Jump to let him end the manga! He hinted at this in his letter to fans, where he explained he desperately wanted to end the manga due to health reasons so he basically forced Shonen Jump into it, and he had exhausted all character directions he could explore within Shonen Jump publication bounds, so the only thing left for him to do was to deconstruct (aka destroy) the characters.

Though Togashi didn't explicitly say how he forced Shonen Jump into letting him end the manga, what better way to destroy / deconstruct Yusuke and Kuwabara in the 3 kings arc than to make Kuwabara act OOC by choosing paper achievements over the concrete deeply meaningful Good he and Yusuke have been doing throughout the series, separate Yusuke from Kuwabara by totally writing Kuwabara out of the narrative entirely so Kuwabara couldn't be the guiding force and moral compass for Yusuke he's always been, make Yusuke act OOC with the cavalier attitude towards demons eating humans, when in 4 Saints Beast arc Yusuke was outright enraged by Byakko saying all humans are his food, and in the Sensui arc just before 3 kings arc, Yusuke was still in moral knots when he thought he'd killed Sensui's doctor, until Genkai eased Yusuke's mind by bringing that guy back to life! Considering that Sensui's doctor was a villain, this shows Yusuke still values life, and tries to spare it wherever he can! There was literally no character developments that could have explained Yusuke's sudden cavalier attitude towards humans being eaten as food at the start of the 3 kings arc that followed, which makes it glaringly OOC.

Destroying the characters with these OOC things would have alienated the audience so much that even if Shonen Jump had forced Togashi to continue the manga, they would have lost the audience anyway, so it's as good as the manga ending! In other words, I think Togashi wrote the 3 kings arc the way he did to force Shonen Jump's hand to let him end the manga.

That's how I interpreted his letter to fans anyway! Togashi and Japanese pple in general are very subtle in the way they communicate and they seldom directly say what they mean, so this is one way to read between the lines of his letter to fans!

Hiei is also a mirror for Yusuke in some ways throughout the series, so the fact that Togashi outright kills Hiei in the 3 kings arc further supports this interpretation that Togashi was destroying / deconstructing Yusuke and Kuwabara, the very heart of YYH, as a way to force Shonen Jump's hand.

I mean, the entire series is built on Yusuke's and Kuwabara's beloved innate goodness, their strong sense of right and wrong, their heart of gold which they had built up and strengthened into a diamond in each other, and the deep and abiding love between Yusuke and Kuwabara! These are all things that the audience loves, so by threatening Shonen Jump with a totally OOC characterisation for Kuwabara and Yusuke that is the opposite of what the audience knows to be their True Selves, and by seperating Yusuke from his beloved Kuwabara, Togashi gave Shonen Jump no choice but to let him end the series, coz the audience wouldn't have continued reading the manga anyway even if Shonen Jump had forced Togashi to continue!

I feel like Togashi's physical health, mental wellbeing, and frustration at not being allowed to tell the story he wanted to was so bad at that point that I honestly think he was just fed up. After he ended the manga, when fans requested more YYH content, he even drew a short manga in response to kill almost all the YYH characters, as his way to say he's done. I honestly don't wanna see this short manga coz my heart would bleed! 😭 but if u wanna, it's in the letter to fans link above.

That's how I interpret it all anyway! Which is why I'm not gonna treat 3 kings arc as canon, I'm gonna imagine my own! Afterall, canon is not some dictate!

So don't be too sad if you too were dissatisfied by it! I was as sad and as hurt as you were by the unsatisfactory 3 kings arc and the palpable loneliness of both Yusuke and Kuwabara in the anime, but I think the anime ending was actually hopeful and dropped some clear hints that Kuwabara and Yusuke will finally get together even after Togashi's 3 kings arc! As for what these hopeful hints are, it'd require another meta to do it justice though! ROFL.

For more great points why 3 Kings Arc didn't make narrative sense and had no character development that could lead to the OOC-ness, check out this post's Notes > Replies > sort by oldest first to read Replies chronologically!

Ahhh i miss my boys so much!! I must say that despite the OOC-ness of 3 kings arc, Togashi gave us such delicious Kuwameshi content all throughout the series that I just can't fault him for it, the poor guy messed up his health coz he overworked himself. I can very happily curate canon that makes the most narrative sense to me! 😄 ❤️🫶🫰❤️🐦🌈

[loserboyfriendrjl]

good morning! today i want to talk about james potter.

(note: this is solely based on my interpretation of him, thr very same way other writers write james in their own way. this is the essay on how i see him, as a person, a writer, and someone who relates to him, and i am not implying that my characterization is better than someone else's; just my five cents on this!)

we're all aware of the general fandom consensus and characterization for him; sunshine boy, always willing to help everyone around him, never has any sort of problems and is often see through the prism of his relationships.

to start off with my last point, with him being seen and characterized through his relationships, i think it is tied to the fact that he, himself, sees himself that way. the relationships that he has with characters are often strong and intense, either like or dislike, and therefore, said relationships take a toll on him. he always surrounds himself with people, in order to not be alone with his thoughts, and have the time to see deep within him not what the world sees him to be, but what he really is, as imperfect as everyone else.

i also consider james to be the kind of person who runs away from his problems, and this is one of the fundamental differences that he and sirius have (while sirius confronts his problems — and the fact that he ran away from home is not running away from his problems, but actively confronting them. he ran away from home, his home life being a problem, which is exactly confronting it — meanwhile, james never confronts his problems because he's scared of the feelings that might be triggered in him in that case, he's scared of how deeply he feels things, and therefore he like busies himself with other people's feelings and other people's problems in order to not work on his own.).

this also plays into euphemia and fleamont's funeral. james was more focused on comforting the people around him about the death of his parents and not sitting down and thinking on his parents' death and allowing himself to grieve, because he was scared of the impact that it might have on him. (he had a son, and he had to be strong for him; which is also the tying himself to his relationship and putting other people above himself, his feelings, and his needs). after he did sit down on his problems, he started taking more missions and becoming more rash and being more reckless in general as a coping mechanism, which, in turn, hurt him.

moreover, him running away from his problems and helping other people instead of himself often times leaves him seeking something else in order to protect himself and to make himself forget everything he's thinking about; in some cases it may be quidditch, music, pranks, and, sometimes, more dsngerous things. he's a man of stability, in this regards, so therefore i don't thìnk he would do something as dangerous as to put the lives of himself and others in danger. (we see this with the prank; sirius is the one who takes rash decisions, james is the one who puts everything back together.).

james also suffers from savior complex. the criteria and definition for it is as follows "they only feel good about themselves when helping someone, believe helping others is their purpose, spend so much energy trying to fix others that they end up burning out", and "a savior complex, or white knight syndrome, describes this need to “save” people by fixing their problems". i see this more often than not played in jegulus fanfiction, but this behavior of his expands to other characters, too.

last but not least, and this is something i only see being talked about with sirius, respectively regulus, is the pressure put on one's shoulders to perform well when part of a circle of upper-class and talented people. his father invented multiple potions which significantly helped and improved the everyday lives of the wizarding world (i.e.: pepper-up). whether this pressure is put on by parents or yourself, the need to achieve as much as your parents did can both mess up the aspiring young person and burn them out. despite james being naturally talented, much like his parents, i feel like james definitely related to this pressure to perform.

so, in order to sum up; i believe that james potter, too, is a deeply complex and flawed individual, the very same way we believe of other characters to be. being a good person with a warm heart does not mean that one is always happy and that they are inherently a morally white character.

[lobstermobster-95]

Wanderer’s Rest

Read the full fic now on Ao3

It had been an uncharacteristically peaceful first day’s travel toward Xadia. The weather had been fair, they’d kept up a steady stream of pleasant conversation and – Callum had to hand it to Barius – they’d started things off with a satisfying breakfast.

It had all put Callum into an inexorably good mood.

After all, there was an undeniably strong air of sentimentality surrounding this trip. He and Rayla were retracing those first life-altering, world-saving steps they’d taken together two years ago.

To say they had been through a lot in those years was a comically gross understatement, especially since she’d come back. There had been more days than not that Callum had thought their relationship beyond saving. He’d been too broken, too fundamentally shattered by her abandonment to ever consider letting her back into his heart.

Then, there’d been Umber Tor, and the thought of Rayla dying before he ever got the chance to laugh with her again, or make her smile and roll her eyes at him again, to tell her he loved her again; it had set the flame in his chest alight once more.

So ever since then, they’d been working on it. Slowly, over several days, they began to talk – really talk – about the whole thing. It had been liberating for Callum to finally unload the crushing weight her departure had left him with, and Rayla listened. Then, when it was her turn, she’d given him two things: the first being an apology that had left them both crying openly while they laid side-by-side on the stone floor of Callum’s room; and the other had been a solemn vow to never cause him that much pain again.

They weren’t back to where they’d left off that night at the moon nexus, but they felt like…friends again, and Callum was ecstatic.

“We covered a lot of distance today,” Rayla said to him in a familiar tone that again reminded him of their first journey. That was her “Nighttime Rayla” voice. He’d heard it many times directed toward him and Ezran to let them know it was time to bunk down for the night.

“Time to rest, so we can do it all over again tomorrow,” she continued, making Callum smile.

Some things didn’t change.

But one thing that had certainly changed since the last time they’d made this trip was the status of the border. The scar Viren had left behind at the Breech had had unexpected diplomatic side effects. For the first time in a thousand years, there was a bridge open between Xadia and the human kingdoms. While it was still tentative and mostly discrete, this had opened the door to travel between the two lands.

That increase in travel had subsequently led to a greater demand for lodging along major travel routes, like the one they just so happened to be using, and Callum hoped what was ahead would be a welcomed surprise.

“Right,” he answered. “But why sleep in the grass, when we could sleep in class?” He raised his arms in coy emphasis.

Rayla responded with a curious quirk of her brow and Callum’s smile grew. “There’s a nice cozy inn just ahead,” he gestured up the road and Rayla’s eyes followed.

Together they spotted the Wanderer’s Rest Inn – a cottage that looked like it must have been lifted from the dictionary beneath the very word “cozy.” Its façade was crisscrossed by widely spaced wood framing with little vines of ivy creeping up like ladders. The thatch roof was steep but sturdy and surrounded a large stone chimney. The cottage itself was nestled on a picturesque hillside that caught the warm orange light of the sunset perfectly.

[fairystar111]

A guide to understanding the fundamentals of the Meant to be AU

By: fairystar111

Rating: Gen

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia

Summary: A guide to understanding the fundamentals of the Meant to Be AU

Tags: Omega-verse, World Building, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics

Start/Previous/Next

What is Omegaverse? 

Omega-verse is a subgenre of fiction wherein people have defined biological roles based on a hierarchical system. Classifications include Alpha(Dominant), Beta(Neutral), and Omega(Submissive). They can vary and be any size or gender, classifications are not decided upon by physical traits! 

Alpha: The natural leaders of the pack, could be any gender, and are usually strong, aggressive, and extremely protective. 

Beta: Are neutral but still very important members of any pack. 

Omega: Submissive and gentle, and can be more maternal and nurturing, regardless of gender. 

What age are pups classified and how?

In my AU pups are born with their secondary gender already presented and it is tested through the blood. 

Can someone be misclassified?

No, blood testing is the most accurate way to test babies when they are born. Though there have been cases of nurses accepting bribes and mislabeling pups for disappointed parents. This action can result in heavy fines and jail time for both parties.

What is a Bond?

A bond is a neural link in a pack member's brain to the pack Alpha. It is formed when one is bitten by a pack Alpha. The pack Alpha can feel all the emotions going through each of their pack and see who needs his help. The pack Alpha can restrict which members are allowed to feel each other's emotions and can close and open the bond at will. They can also allow each member to open and close off their side of the bond if they choose to. It depends on the type of Alpha they are and how much control they want over their pack. 

Children are born with the bond in place to their biological parents but it can wither away and die if not neutered correctly.

What is the difference between a pack and a bonded pack? 

Packs are groups of people who trust each other and allow more intimate types of affection with pack members. For example if a close friend group of friends at school that consider themselves a pack they will do things like grooming one, another scenting/marking, and build nests together. This type of pack does not require a bite to join and can dissolve at any time.

Bonded packs require a bite to enter and are often considered permanent. While not impossible to leave, joining a bonded pack is a serious decision and not taken lightly. To leave this pack a member must be let out by the pack Alpha. 

There are ways to break abusive bonds without the Alpha’s permission if the bond has withered away enough on the members side. A healthy bond is almost impossible to break and not recommended as it can cause harsh physical and mental effects to the pack member.

What are claims/bites and why are they so important?

A claim is when one person bites someone else to claim them as their own. This can be done by any gender and classification. And can be done against someone's will but a claim will be stronger if the other person accepts it/wants it. 

Romantic: Biting the scent gland signifies claiming someone as a mate.

Neutral: Biting anywhere on the body to enter a relationship/pack/bonded pack.

Parental: Biting a pup anywhere on the body to form a bond and claim them as their child. Will cause the pup to imprint onto them.

Not every claim equals a bond; some claims are just superficial and leave behind the scent of the claimer to deter outsiders. 

A claiming bite will meld together DNA of biter and the one being bit. Leaving the scent of the claimer permanently embedded on the claimed, so that other people will recognize a second scent and know they are claimed. 

What is Scruffing?

Scruffing is the act of biting or squeezing the glands at the base of every Omega’s and pup's necks. Once the glands are pressed, either through biting or squeezing, the omega is left in an almost paralyzed and vulnerable state with limited access to their senses and bodily functions relying heavily on their base instincts and pack until it wears off. Usually used to calm down panicking or misbehaving Omegas/pups. Most effective and a strongest result if the glands are bit.

Scruffing omegas outside your pack is illegal, while scuffing other children outside your pack can be considered acceptable depending on the circumstance, doing the same to an unwilling omega is assault. 

What is a Drop?

A drop is when an outside action/environmental issue causes the hormones in a person's body to rapidly drop. It pushes them into a state where they can only access their base instincts. They can only recognize people they have bonded with. And often lash out or are afraid of those around them. 

They need the care of bonded pack members to help them get out of it naturally or are sedated until their hormones rise back to a stable level.

This should be hard to do. A healthy person will not drop easily but someone who is not taking care of themselves or doing things like suppressing their instincts can cause drops. Along with things like pack separations and stress.

What is an Alpha Command?

An Alpha command is a sort of power all Alphas have over Betas and Omegas. It is the ability to use a tone of voice to command them to do what they want. The stronger the Alpha the harder it is for them to resist. 

What is a Heat/Training Heat?

A Heat Cycle is a period of time where an omega goes into a state of heat and wants to be mated and impregnated. They usually experience fever/flu-like symptoms and are in a daze until they get what they want or wait it out. Is usually a period of 1-2 weeks and comes with severe pain in the abdomen/uterus. 

A Training Heat is a premature form of heat that is not yet sexual in nature. It is simply a time for a young omega to get accustomed to the symptoms of heat and aware of what is going to happen in the future. They will experience fever and daze along with mild cramping. 

Training heats are often spent with parents strengthening their bond with their child. Adoptive parents eagerly await the arrival of their young omegas training heat because of the sensitive nature it brings out of even the most stubborn of pups. This time, especially the first one, can be used to permanently imprint a child onto a new caregiver. The daze of heat makes omega pups much more susceptible to imprinting.

What are Scents?

Scents are pheromones every Alpha, Beta, and Omega have. These scents vary from person to person and have no relation to which classification a person has. 

Scent Profiles for Meant to be:

Shigaraki Tomura (Alpha): Dusty old books or just dust and morning dew

Dabi (Omega): Smoke and toasted marshmallow 

Bakugo (Omega): Burnt caramel 

Twice (Omega): Strawberries and tobacco

Toga (Alpha): Sweet and sour citrus candy

Spinner (Beta): Pineapple and Honeydew

Magne (Alpha/Omega): Chocolate and tart cherry

Kurogiri (Beta): Cool Petrichor and fresh cut grass

Compress (Alpha): Cinnamon and gingerbread cookies

Hawks (Alpha): Pine and cedarwood