#fukcing breaking down

[aesrot]

awwww drey asdddffsa T.T

[abessive-art]

Just finished s3. I’m fine btw. And reaching record levels of normal. Not at all losing it btw. If you care.

[wheelercore]

Fighting for my life rn rewatching the shining and Realizing things I hate it

[not-actually-human]

oooh my parents are arguing about me again. aha

[hauntingblue]

Kiku I will avenge you. There will be not a stone unturned. Not a man unharmed. I do not care if kanjuro is dead this is something else. What the fuck.

[sugar-plum-writer]

You Are Ravishing

Theme: Comfort Fic [Body insecurity]; One-Shot Paring: Sukuna x Fem!Reader; established relationship; Fluff; Slight NSFW A/n: A comfort fic of Sukuna comforting fukcing you to show you how beautiful you truly are

"You are divine darling"

[To everyone going through these problems- you are not alone, you are a beautiful person, okay? It is hard when the past habits suddenly come back to haunt you; when you look in the mirror and suddenly you feel like you are the ugliest person on Earth. It is hard, just know- as long as you are healthy nothing else matters. You just be the best version of you <3]

SUKUNA

He was annoyed, well he was annoyed by the littlest things, but today he was even more annoyed the more he looked at you. Jaw clenched tight; arms crossed as he looked at you laughing.

Your laughs were music to his ears, but your laughs right now were fake which he despised

He was never the type to hide his feelings and seeing the one he loved so much hide her feelings from him, annoyed him to his core.

“Y/n what is wrong?”, sharply he looked at you with an annoyed expression

“Wh-What do you mean what is wrong?”, you laughed, “Nothing is wrong Sukuna”

“Fake”

“Fake? What do you mean?”, shocked your eyes widened

“Your laugh right now, again it was fake”, pulling you by the wrists- eyes locked on yours

“I can see it” Pinning you against the wall he leaned in

“Do I look like a fool to you?”

“No-No never!? I said everything is fine!”

“Y/n.”, with a sharp voice his grip on you tightened- nails digging into your wrists

“Either you tell me what is wrong-”

“Or”

“I will make you tell me what is wrong”

His gaze was unwavering- as if he could look through all the lies you gave, cutting them all down with ease, why was he like this? How was he so easily able to cut through all your lies and dig his hands into your heart and soul? Read you so well- It was shocking

He knew you better than you did yourself

“I-“, biting your lips you looked into his eyes full of tears

“You-you are so mean!”, all the tears spilled that you had so desperately tried to control- tried so hard to maintain this facade- all crumbled down breaking you

“Y/n” Confused he loosened his grasp- wiping the tears away instantly

“Why are you crying?”

“I-“, sobbing through your tears you spoke

“I hate myself; I hate myself so much, I hate everything about me”

“What- how did you even reach such a conclusion pet?”, bringing you close he just hugged you; you were so fragile right now- as if just one touch could shatter you into pieces

“Who said this to you? I will kill them”

“Wh-no”, gasping you looked at him

“I am serious, anything that annoys you- annoys me, and whatever annoys me dies, darling”

“Who is it?”

His eyes were devoid of mercy, he did not care who died, all he cared about was your happiness and his happiness. Caressing your hair he smirked- it was a chilling one, you knew he was not joking- if you actually asked him to kill someone, he would really kill them.

Hell, he would even kill their relatives as a bonus just for you.

It was terrifying the amount of power he had. But what was even scarier even for him, though he would not admit it- was the amount of power you had over him.

A single tear from your eyes- and whoever made those tears fall would drop dead

Mercilessly

“No-No one needs to die…the past is the past…” Signing you hugged him back burying your face in his chest

“I just- I cannot love myself- I feel so ugly”, you whispered

“My face, my body- I am so ugly, I cannot even look at myself-”, clenching his robes tightly, your voice cracked as more tears fell

“Without wanting to rip myself to shreds”

“Ugly? Where?” lifting your chin, he kissed you

“You are ravishing y/n”, biting your lips he kissed you even deeper, caressing your waist- and squeezing your hips

“And the only thing that is ugly in my eyes-” Smirking with a snap of his fingers your clothes were in tatters

“Is that fabric covering that body of yours”, taking of his robes he towered over you

"Clothes are worthless, just be naked for me", kiss lips hooked to yours again- kissing your tears away

“Darling you are beautiful, ravishing- let me show you how ravishing you truly are and remove those worthless doubts”

Link to Masterlist!

[pinyeti]

Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith (BROKE MY FUCKIN HEART CHAT WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENENED????)

Ugh they’re going to rescue the chancellor

HOW ARE THEY THIS IN TUNE WITH THE FORCE BUT CANT SEE THAT THE CHANCELLOR IS EVIL

WOW THIS INSECT LOOKING GUY IS COOL

NOWAYYY OBIWAN CANONICALLY MAKING PATHETIC DAD JOKES THIS IS SO FUNNY

Dookie’s back

MAN THE PARALLELS TO THE OGS ARE CRAAAAZZZZYYYYY

anakin probably put Luke through the same stuff he went through to test if hes a little bitch like him

Okay anakin your problem is you only listen to yourself

NO WAY HOW DID THEY GO FROM THIS BROMSNCE TO KILLING EACH OTHER NEXT MOVIE

Did anakin just call him short… does he have a death wish

Chancellors such as bitch

I just know padmes gonna die and hes going to turn cuz of her

The chancellor really said you’re not like other girls anakin

Okay so anakin has to pick sides between

“HE’S NEVER LET ME DOWN”- NOOOO OBIWANNN NOOOOOO HES GONNA BE SOOO HURT

This whole movie is everyone manipulating anakin to try and get him on their side

Kung fu panda - dragon warrior drama

Count dookie

BRO IS HE INSERTING DREAMS INTO ANAKINS MIND

Theyre boxing him in THE COUNCIL IS SO ANNOYING THIS IS NOT HOW YOU DEAL IWTH A REBEL KID

Someone give nick fury and yoda parenting lessons

NO NO NO NOOO NOOO NOT FOR THIS NO NO PADMES GONNA BE FINE NOOO NOOO NOOO NOOO THIS STUPID CHILD NOOO HES GOOD I KNOW HES GOOD

How did the jedis not see this???????

NO??? ANAKIN??? TELL ME ANAKIN DIDNT KILL A BUNCH OF CHILDREN WHAT THE FUCK?? No absolutely not im not siding for this bullshit fukc off

In the immortal words of Deadpool you punch a couple hundred orphans and suddenly you’re the bad guy

My god anakin IM SO FUCKIN PISSED AT YOU YOU CANT KILL CHILDREN YOU FUCKIN PRICK I HATE YOU SO MUCH WHAT THE FUCK NONE OF THIS IS JUSTIFIED WHAT YOU HAD A BAD DREAM SO YOU GO KILL KIDS FUCKIN BITCH

I want to kill anakin Fight me right now

Are you really going around killing children like youre not even going to rise to crimes in a linear manner?? You directly kill kids??

Youre so full ofF SHIT ANAKIN- SHE DIDNT ASK YOU FOR ANY OF THIS YOURE SO STUPID YORE NOT DOING THIS FOR LOVE YOU’RE DOING THIS FOR POWER YOURE PATHETIC

Yes anakin blame obi wan BLAME ANYONE BUT YOURSELF

standing in the middle of a burning planet I HAVE BROUGHT PEACE

No this is breaking my heart no no no no No no no no

YODA PLS PLS PLS KILL EMPEROR PLS (ik he wont but pls) Yoda is so powerless why didnt he stop anything WHY WERE THEY SO BLINDED WHY

Yeah yoda GO HIDE YOU BIG FAILURE MY POOR OBIWAN HE DOESNT DESERVE ANY OF THIS

I did not sign up for this heartbreak FUCK YOU ANAKIN FOR MAKING ME LIKE YOU FOR A TINY BIT

FUCK YOU FOR MAKING OBIWAN LOVE YOU AND THROWING IT ALL AWAY

YOU BECAME WHAT YOU FEARED YOU FUCKIN IDIOT I HATE YOU SO MUCH ANAKIN AND FOR WHAT

They lied to him, idc he deserves to hate himself for the rest of eternity

Ohh theyre making the Death Star now

…. this family needs therapy

(6/9)

[rayshippouuchiha]

in writing another new Naruto AU and the idea is so long so imma send it in a series, but the basic premise is 'what if Isobu got stuck in a human form' so here we go: so the whole Kannabi Bridge incident still happens and Rin still gets Isobu stuck in her but the difference is that Kakashi got further Fuuinjutsu training from Kushina and so has A Plan. (1/?)

so Kakashi and Rin turn on the nin chasing them and so they've got a bit of time which Kakashi uses to make a seal that will release Isobu from Rin, but of course just a released Bijuu is No Good. its at this point that Obito gets to some overlook and sees all this happening (Zetsu realizes that this Might Have Backfired just too late) and jumps down, insert happy reunion and rushed explanation here, and Obito, whos been hearing about all this planning of Juubi Jinchuuriki and reincarnation (2/?)

reincarnation of Kaguya and such is like 'hm. HM.' and pitches this absolutely ABSURD idea to Kakashi and Rin.Rin, who, by this point, is Very Panicking, says SCREW IT and drags over a less-mutilated body which Kakashi, Tired and Relieved and All Those Other Things, just starts incorporating into the seal. Isobu, of course, is at least mildly aware of all this and is like PLEASE YES FIX THIS SHIT and, while he cant communicate with Rin, starts poking at her chakra systems for a way to (3/?)

to let this Actually Work without killing her. by the time the sun rises (Zetsu is watching because, while this might break something later, this is Interesting) the three have a big ol seal drawn in various people's blood, Isobu is doing his danged best to stay calm and Not freak out the kids any more than they already are, and Obito and Kakashi, as the ones with sealing knowledge here, are pretty sure this will work. but, well, time is running short, and with one stitched-up (4/?)

stitched-up and mostly healthy except for the being-dead part spare nin drawn into the seal along with Rin, they really cont lose much. so, with lots of good luck and a shitton of hope, they activate the seal. a few minutes, three very drained children, and a bored Zetsu later, the dead person's heart starts beating. Isobu takes these three overtired and near-dead kids back to Konoha with a lot of THANK THE FUKCING SAGE because nobodys dead (except for the ones Kakashi+co killed) (5/?)

explains a cover story (a la SFU Kurama) to the gate guards to be let in shenanigans ensue. so these three kids are the only ones who know that this rando Kumo nin (i think it was Kumo?) is actually a damn BIJUU IN A HUMAN and are like 'well... we can't really tell anyone...' but Kurama of course can probably sense Isobu being so near and is like 'uh, wtf' and Isobu tracks down Kushina and spills the beans. (6/?)

Kushina is like 'right, sure, alright give back the Jinchuuriki their body' and then Kakashi+co who have been PANICKING because Isobu disappeared to SOMEWHERE show up and are like ISOBU GOOD YOU'RE- oh hiiii Kushina-san, how are youuuuu... and Kushina's like 'oh you know this guy? cool theyre a Jinchuuriki and their Bijuu's apparently taken them over' and Kakashi+co explain, to a very disbelieving Kushina, that no, this is actually a Bijuu in a human, not a Jinchuuriki taken over by (7/8)

by a Bijuu, its fucking insane. Minato gets back from whatever mission it was to find his team has picked up a Kumo-nin as a sensei and is So Confused until its explained and then is just '...honestly good job but what the actual fuck' (8/8)

~~~

Oh this was an entire adventure

[thenwhatthefukcisthis]

there are so many posts about kindness of strangers and this is just another one but I seriously gotta write this one down cause otherwise I might cry instead

So, I needed to get a certain document from a government office which I need for tomorrow, quite urgent, and these places suck cause they take a lotta time so I came to the place at 6 am in the morning and was standing in line. when I get to the counter after two hours, I learn that I lack one important detail (a mistake in my part) and was sent back.. I somehow made some calls and got the detail and got back in line at 12 noon. The line has grown several dozens of people long by then so here i am, standing under the sun, starving and tired and frustrated and just so done, until it’s my turn again. and since everyone was suffering, the line was redirected to the shade of some trees. I too went there, thankful for the respite.

only for a fukcing crow to shit on my hair. literally.

So I’m standing, my hair covered in filth (it was a big splat ugh mr crow) , the entire day catching up to me and about to break down, when the lady behind me quickly takes charge and whips out a tissue and the gent behind me gets it wet and they both work together to clean my hair to the best of their ability.

the thing is, none of us knew each other previously, between the three of us, none of us speak a common language, but in that moment, they just. was there for me. and after cleaning, the gent, to his best of ability, took his time to convey how crow shit is supposed to be good luck acc to his belief so I’d have a wonderful day ahead. they really, really didn’t have to do that. they could’ve just not bothered.

but they did. and made me forget about the horrible situation altogether. So yeah. we will probably never meet again, but I’ll always remember them as two good hearted people who took their time to clean some strangers shit.

[rantz-for-st0ry]

my brother is the current bane of my existance I cannot wait to get out of this fucking house I'm in. or until he leaves. idk I just want him away from me rn.

(all you/yours/etc are directed at my brother)

our dad already got onto me about it so why the fuck did you even have to say smth. plus you don't get to fucking talk to me about being rude when you used to scream at everyone at the top of your fucking lungs unapologetically. "don't talk to him like that" you don't get to talk to me about how to be nice and respectful to him when you have only ever been rude to me.

"serious talk for a second, I'm mad at you" and ive been mad at you for four years now!! I guess we're all pissed off, right???? yk cus you've only ever been rude to me and tried to fucking control me.

wasnt even trying to be rude, either. I just stood up for myself and both you and our father are used to me being a fuckign doormat. you have never been able to handle me standing up for myself. "why don't you stand up for yourself?" "tell them how you want things to be!" its almost like you guys have taught me that enforcing boundaries and telling people how I want things to be makes me rude and unlikeable. me being a people pleaser, a doormat? that's your fault. you taught me that. you taught me that I would be scolded if I stood up for myself and, boom, here's just another batch of proof.

"the way you talked to him rly upsets me" honest to fukcing prime above, I do not care. the way you talk to me has upset me my entire fucking life. plus, we both know our father doesn't deserve my respect or yours. and you don't deserve my respect either. he doesn't have the title 'father' because I respect him, he has it because I am genetically bound to him. with the conversations with our sister that have been hapening, I thought you saw it the same way.

oh and prime fucking knows that if I talked to you about this you'd probably just say you don't remember the interaction at all!

also why the fuck did you have to talk to me before theater. because if I cant keep myself from breaking down now how the fuck am I supposed to get through 3-4 hours in an overwhelming enviornment without breaking down again. I thought it was common fuckign sense to not do that kind of shit before an event.

[ctntduoarchive]

i know i have not stfu ab ur bot for hours but. he's gonna make me cry fr

he;s literally going to make me break down into tears oh fukcing hell

[haver-of-wives]

tommy I have a lil question! Can you leave the server and go to other places? I’ve heard about places like Hypixel from Phil and Techno, do you think that you could leave and take a little break? I dunno, I think that distancing yourself from the SMP physically might be a good idea for a bit to sort of calm yourself down.

also!! here u go, *gives some mango* they are very good!! and in season iirc!!

THAT FUCKIGN GREEN BITCH WOULD PROBABLY JUST FIDN A WAY TO FOLLOWME ANYWHERE I GO adn knowign him he'd just fidn out I'm trying to leave and do some shit to force meto stay anyway I FUKCING HATE HIM SOMUCH. oh and thank you by the way iappreciate that

[sams-venting]

Ough ok, today's eaps episode really Got to me and boy I was not prepared

I find it interesting, that the things that would trigger and harm other people, I love to seek out as a hobby. Shock sites, well made args, real life disappearances in the woods, existential conspiracy theories, etc. shit my schizo ass Really shouldn't be indulging but I do anyway for the sillies even tho it triggers persecutory hallucinations (please for the love of God don't do as I do). I find morbid and gorey shit fascinating

but then you just, have something simple as a 'make a wish kid' concept in a silly little VRC rp. and. it really fucks with me

because like, I'm never Not aware of how little time I have left. I am constantly under the ticking tower of death. Everyone talks about graduating college, getting a career, getting married, being able to live on their own. and I?-

I am just stuck. I'll maybe get to accomplish One of these and that's it. Knowing that I most likely won't live to see my 30s. And in two more months, the clock ticks down to 6 years left. 6 years till I develop bone marrow cancer or skin cancer from my immunosuppressant. And that's assuming that I survive till then, the never ending surgeries that remove my organs piece until there's nothing left; assuming I don't catch a skin or respiratory infection that everyone else can fight off except for me; assuming that I don't resume trying to overdose like I should've done when I was 14, before the universe decided I was a parasite it had to slowly kill off; assuming I survive living in a sundown town; assuming I don't die in a freak accident like a normal american on the highway; assuming I don't give into the impulse to do opiods to escape the neverending pain; assuming I'm able to get my shit together and take care of myself without having some needing to intervene before I literally wither away; etc. I could keep going about how the former prognosis is infact a positive outlook by all calculations.

Surprisingly, I've come to terms with this a few years ago. It's not a big deal. Well I mean it is, but it's nothing that can't be worked around. Everyone lives on borrowed time, we are never promised tomorrow anyway. The wise say to live like very day is you last, and whether I like it or not, I have the most reason to follow that compared to the average Joe

But what they don't tell you, is that, you never go through the grieving process once or twice. When you know your time is going to be up in less than a decade, it doesn't Ever stop. You just suffer the same stages over, and over, and over, and over again. Till you're fine. and then the next day your brain decides the last dozen times wasn't enough, time to process the state of our mortality all over again :) bc why not :) :) fml in particular ig

And honest to God that is the worst part of this all. It's not the colonoscopies, it's not the endoscopies, it's not the surgeries, it's not the thousands of needles that I've been stabbed with to the point where I can rate nurses like it's doordash. It's the grieving process that won't stop repeating once you know you're going to die

Anyway I just- I don't even know if I can finish the episode, and I'm only a few minutes in. This might honestly be the first video I'll ever have to skip. and it's SO FUCKING STUP:ID. Like I can go through all of this other bullshit jsut fine and not bat an eye, but THIS, THIS IS THE BREAKING POINT??? Fucking pathetic. I hate myself so mcuh tjhis is so stupid and I hate it. I think what I hate most is how I can never fucking get over myself. boo hoo so fcuking what. Just push through and stop being a limp dick coward for two mcfucking seconds. It's not even real, are we really gonna get our panies bunched up over pixles ona fucking screen? Is this Really the level we want to stoop to? Fukcing piece of shit good for nothing idiot.

It's not like I don't know Why it affects me so badly. It's all so stupid but I Know why. For fucks sake, I got body slammed into fnaf as a whole to cope with the fact my grandma literally got admitted to the hospital for emergency brain cancer surgery on the hour of Thee solar eclipse that happened in April. When she got admitted to hospice in May and we were dealing with the funeral, obsessing over the dca and later solar lunacy and TSAMS was the only thing keeping me sane.

Words cannot describe accurately just how fucked it is not only to watch someone else lose their mind as they're dying (and knowing that one day that's going to be me, and that's the future I have to look forward to), but also get slapped with traumatic flashbacks from my own medical procedures. It's almost funny in a twisted way how the simple smell of saline solution and cleaning alcohol can fuck a guy up. Istg I've never had my surgery scars impossibly itch in the worst way possible except when I'm around it in recovery wings.

Honestly I wish none of it affected me. Not to be selfish on main or anything, I'm just sick of wasting wasting what precious little time I have on pissing and moaning over things no one can change.

Maybe I'll be in a better headspace to watch EAPS later tomorrow or something. Hopefully. I despise the idea of trauma having any control over what I do and don't do in my life, and if there's one thing anyone should know about me, it's that I live on pure spite. Nothing will stop me istg, even if it kills me. People identify as male or female, and then you have me, certified stubborn little shit supreme

P.S. If you know who I am, don't bother trying to contact me outside of this post. I'm making it 'anonomus' bc I don't want ppl pussy footing around with sympathy or any of that bs. It's not wanted, and I hate the simple concept of being treated differently just bc I'm medically fucked. I can't stand ppl throwing pity parties for me. I ain't got time for that shit. literally. Also I already have hives and a migraine from crying while venting, don't make me relive these emotions please

Anyway, this is your local lunatic signing off. I've got fanfiction to write before I die, and I refuse to kneel to fate until all 3 of my main projects are finished - Winter

.

[chameleon-on-lsd]

Tatort Saarbrücken (Der Fluch des Geldes) liveblogging

oh we're straight back into it? and back to the Angelplatz the soul-crushing devotion is deep in the soul-crushing stage, huh leo baby god adam your ass is so flat "okay. gib's mir" [the money. but also. you] okay for once adam at least seems devasted at losing leo. that guy looks like a balding pete davidson lmao german casino heist group?? quick coke break xD NO DO NOT HIT LEO WITH A CAR OR AN OLD LADY WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 'vier insassen, einer fett' lmao wow. pia is now at the football match too huh. 'ich bin ein kollege' that just sounds so stupid to me nooooooo old lady :'( god leo, you look so pathetic NO NOT THE OLD MAN. I cannot think about it too much fukcing kill me god, someone give leo a hug adam. hug him please the passive aggression of not pouring adam coffee and he looks so fucking good in dark green he looks good in any colour really he's just so fucking hot jesus why is the medical examiner cutting a carrot? NOOOOOO WHY DO WE HAVE TO SEE THE OLD MAN THEY JUST KEEP FUCKING TWISTING THE KNIFE. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT. (also leo just standing there like the little man emoji lmao) ;-; 'ich ruf hölzerchen an' someone give leo a hug!!! lmao him being suprised at winning a bet. AND THE CINEMATOGRAPHY OF HIS LUCK TURNING AND THEN SEEING THE GROUP!!!!!!!!!! lmao getting drinks for them come one, grab the gum for dna aww, throwing up like a good Hauptkommissonar at work wILJIOjiokjajkhdsjkakfhj AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE FUCKING SCENE WITH HIS MIRROR IMAGE BEING ADAM (IN A NICE FUCKING OUTFIT WITH CAP) and admonishing him for his tactics and giving tips lmao just shoving his chips into his pockets things that shouldn't be hot. blonde putting a poker chip up to boss' lips and him biting into it. oh. oh no. leo. don't make bad decisions BIGGER OH NO. will she follow him to adam? got the boss is kinda hot lmao fuck. leo. don't get your boy killed lmaaaoo the backwards cap look. adam why please at least just break into his car. and leave adam alone leo. what the fuck have you gotten yourself into also adam just stalking them what the fuck that was. stressful lmao leo. i'm fast as fuck boiiii but also honestly, what is the fucking point of all this? adam ily. only taking photos when leo is not visible <3 what the fuck is going on in this gang god adam you and your jaw leo slowly collecting names was ne abgesiffte fucking wohnung ne did you just test heroin? sir the fact that leo didn't question that he's downstairs. and the agreed signal "ich kann bei jedem den puls über 100 bringen, nur mit worten" what the fuck will follow. wowwwww. coke head is one hell of a bitch aw. she's at least actually pregnant also. like. is sowing discord in your group the best idea? just for money? (also I fucking hate that she looks like geoff ramsay's daugher. it's so fucking weird) text adam pls. a call is even better, thank you and his whispered 'leo' 'präsidium, nachschicht' 'yes, sir' oH you don't say, adam why is there fucking lawn sprinklers on everywhere?? sorry but I love adam putting on deoderant at his desk. idk why also like the whole fucking fact that leo just went undercover without anyone knowing?? lmao, they fucked once and she got pregnant. that does hurt a man's masculinity

GOD. leo’s fucking raspy voice in this scene kills me holy fuck the fukcing wardrobe deparment is so galaxy brained. the blue jean jacket and the green shirt work SO fucckign well with their respective eye colours. lmao, der krimidatenbank auszug sieht so scheisse aus leo getting chastised by esther and adam just smirking. come on guys, make up (and out) adam being protective ;-; adam keep your fucking head and cap down oh lord is that a good idea to follow them SOME.ONE.GIVE.LEO.A.HUG!!!! oh no. adam is going to the safe. where betty is. who knows who adam is. frick lmao the boss is hot adam going to his knees and grabbing leo’s face. normal things it’s not the hug leo needed but at least it was encouragement LMAO pia eating in the interogation with fatty xDD aw the guys sharing nuts while listening to a murder yeeeep and there we go, fatty will steal the money from adam’s trunk god his eyes are SO green and the shirt is helping SO much gorgeous fucking man adam, say something please (about the money missing) wow. she is also a coldass bitch “ich wette dass ihr mich ein letztes mal unterschätzt” lmao leo just standing there, ready so adam can grab the handcuffs from his butt pocket ADAM IS FREEEEEE. YOU HELPED HIM aaaaaaaah LEO YOU FUCKING NERD, BETTING ON A PIGEON AGAIN

I also have some further thoughts about the show:

The fact that they fucking kissed in an outtake of the hospital scene??? Wild

Caro is Leo‘s sister and not gf oops, but also, who holds their brother‘s hand like that?!

Something about leo seeing how adam fits in again while no one seems to like leo and how that goes back to their childhood when (presumably) leo wanted to fit and adam didn‘t give a shit because when your dad fucks you up like that, what can a kid your age do? So leo internalizes that and it ends with him acting like adam in e5.

Related: adam almost flirting at the party and his talk with alina while leo fails at first to get an in with the casino crew and they leave because they don’t wanna play with him

It was really nice to see them laugh at the end of e5 even if it was super manic for adam (but the money went to a mom fleeing her abuser! Suck on that König)

We better get a resolution if Pia taking pills and basically living at the office. What’s up girlie

The fact that kid!leo was wearing double denim??Kills me

Other fun german I didn‘t note before: pisshaargenau

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 14x12 Prophet and Loss

“Is this the first underwater shot we’ve gotten? It couldn’t be. I don’t think we’ve been underwater much” “Alright. Going back a few, our little submarino friends, this is lit up, so you’re not that deep at all. He wanted to be dropped off in the middle of nowhere. It’s lit up so he’s probably not even 100 feet down, but the crush depth of that box is probably not that far down. It’s not a sphere. Instead of this odd box, you’d have to have a titanium sphere like 6” thick. You’d need like 6” of titanium in a sphere in the Marianas depth. Challenger Deep is 36000 feet down.” “I know it’s a TV show but fkn A” “DIdn’t he build it? Why would he be banging his way out of it?” “God I hope it wouldn’t make that much noise down there. Fuck” “You know what would suck the most about being in a box in the dark for however many years, knowing you have functioning eyes but not knowing if you’ll be able to see if you ever get out” “Fkn wallpaper goddamn” “just a bad dream, eh?” “fukc dude” “this wallpaper was definitely on purpose” “These conversations are so insane if you think about what happened in Season 1. Before demons and stuff. These conversations are so out there” “are we making concrete or what?” “or is it some crazy ass chemical?” “fkn Sweeney Todd or what?” “how the fuck is this guy so alive? Every time I forget about him, I think he’s dead, but then he shows up and I get frustrated” “I get so frustrated with Nick being around that I forget what happens to him every time” “Do they have a fkn hitch on this thing?” “no pressure” “helluva a hairdo man” laughter

“I love how Dean is the most dangerous thing to Dean at this point. Even more than the other shit they’ve run into before” “the fuck is he doing/“ “When are they going to jump in his head and put more than a screwdriver in the door?” “who’s creepin’ on the shitter? Oh it’s a door” “no cameras? Nothing?” “hmm” “we’re on iPhone 6 era I think” “helluva a knocker” “well that’s something” “that’s all it took to snap the guy out of it?” “really?” “you know the answer to this already, Sam” “No shit” “oh he’s breaking into a house now’ “isn’t het this his old fkn house? Or some shit? How did he get back here?” “yeah it’s his old house” “Fkn die already goddammit” “Wouldn’t Lucifer’s vessel had died a thousand times over? How is this possible?” “good luck explaining that to your wife bud” “dun dun dun” “she’s never met an angel clearly” “helluva a way to word it” “what a fkn asshole” “she should ghost-kill him now” “says who?” laughter “Clear?” “does it alternate every other season who is going to sacrifice themselves?” “Does Cas have to spend grace doing this” “we did all this grace blasting and couldn’t get his eyesight fixed?” “they’re going to keep reminding us that he doesn’t have a soul” “is that supposed to be funny? Cas almost killed him” “this is probably one of the top 5 sam speeches ever” “to be fair I don’t really like many of his speeches. Right up until the part where he fkn punches Dean” “ehh” “you better clean up that fkn mop at home” “that scene just looks like a homeless guy wrestling some guy in the parking lot and the security guard coming to check it out” “idk he’s in one of those murdering moods. Better watch out” “Fuck that’s bright. Why?”

[swirling-through-the-stars]

i think this blog is going to be my journal. i need to get the mess in my head written down somehow. i guess my biggest complaint right now is that i can't get my brain to agree with itself. i'm at the perfect place in life. i've pretty much done everything right my entire childhood to set myself up for adult life. now here i am. about to graduate college with a good job lined up. i've been receiving more intensive treatment for my mental health issues and you'd think it would help and it does but i can't get myself to take my fucking meds. i don't know why. i know they help me. it's like i know all the things i need to do to get better, i know i'm capable of doing them. i know that achieving good mental health is within my capabilities. i just can't get myself to do the things i need to do to get there. i still spend days laying in bed half asleep in some sort of fog, unable to get myself up. or even reach behind me and swallow a few pills that i know will probably give me enough of a boost to have a decent day. i have hope that someday everyday wont be a miserable struggle, but i feel like i should be able to go a week without putting my job or education at risk for no apparent reason.

this is all over the place and completely unorganized but so is my brain. in a dream last night i was crying to my dad telling him i didn't want to be alive anymore. i'm not suicidal, but i haven't been able to stop thinking about that terrifying dream. i'm probably not helping with being unable to leave my room for longer than 10 minutes. i tried to get myself into a routine of going outside first thing in the morning, but that fell through by day two. what is wrong. with me? why cant i get myself to care about myself? everyone else does. why can't i? why am i the only fucking person in my life that is actively hindering my success? why am i not being supportive of myself? why can't i just fukcing stand up? i shouldn't have any stress right now. all of my stress is manufactured and contrived. it's entirely unnecessary.

i am the cause and the solution of my own mental illness, i just don't know how to get myself to understand that and start taking action. i don't want to be miserable. but i can't stop. i built this cell, locked myself in, and threw away the key. every time i finally break out, i wake up three days later in the cell. how did i get here? how do i keep ending up back here?