#fuckyeahasexual mention

[lawofcollage]

Also, shout out to tumblrs like @fuckyeahasexual @asexual-society @redbeardace @name-exchange and @makingqueerhistory who have been a huge part of my learning about the queer community and my own identity.

I learned about my own identity from tumblr over a decade due blogs like the ones mentioned here and many others, and I continue to do so to this day. I wouldn't have been able to write this book without so many ace and queer blogs that encouraged me to be proud of who I am which turned into making over a hundred pride flags so that others could see themselves and their flags like I wished to see myself.

Are you looking for an awesome, queer art book?

Mine is on pre-sale now! I've written the Coffee Table Book of Pride Flags which discusses a multitude of queer identities and several subcultures/adjacent cultures (think leather and rubber communities) while showing off my collages!

If you've been following me for a while, you know that I've been creating pride flag collages since 2017 (or at least for several years). This is a culmination of that and will be out on October 1st, just in time for LGBT+ History month!

So many of you are part of the reason behind this book. Tumblr has been where I have learned about queer identities far and wide, including my own when I was a teenager (hello out there, ace Tumblr), and you have continued to educate me (most recently with people who use it/its pronouns). You're gems, and I'm really excited to share this with you.

SO. Where can you buy it?

Amazon or Barnes & Noble

The moment I know it's on sale at a small bookshop, I will tell you because you should support small bookshops far more than the big ones

Also, if you like it or want to read it and don't have the money (because art books can be more expensive), suggest it to your local library!!!! That way you and others can enjoy it even if you can't afford it.

[alloaroworlds]

Dear @fuckyeahasexual,

I hope you can appreciate how distressing it is to me to see the hurt and rage in my allo-aro community right now. It’s distressing to see my fellow allo-aros feel once again dismissed, ignored and erased. It’s distressing to see the post that provoked that feeling, to have my identity and my pride in my identity brushed aside as though allo-aro can’t be as meaningful to me as ace is to you.

It’s distressing to feel, again, the reasons why our shared a-spec community is not a welcoming space for allo-aros. It’s distressing to feel, again, the depth of allo-aro despair at seeing our asexual kin show such a woeful lack of understanding of allo-aro identity and experience. It’s distressing to be reminded, again, how we are expected to share the a-spec community with people who are not only ignorant of us but routinely hurt us because of that ignorance.

You say that you want the chance to “safely listen, process, and understand how to better serve my community”. Assuming that you mean “our shared a-spec community, which includes asexuals and allo-aros as members deserving of equal inclusion, recognition, safety and respect”, good! Because right now, you are not serving the entire a-spec community. As right and acceptable as it is for you to focus on aces (just as I focus on aros and allo-aros on my accounts), it is not right and acceptable for you to perpetuate, overlook and maintain ignorance to allo-aro antagonism in the process.

You have a position of high visibility in Tumblr’s a-spec community. Because of that, you have a duty of care to not harm all a-specs. Even when talking about or referring to asexuals alone, as is your right to do.

This means you need to learn about allo-aro community, identity, experiences and, yes, erasure and antagonism. Even when--especially when!--that erasure and antagonism is perpetrated by asexuals.

So, where can you start in learning about allo-aros?

https://aroworlds.com/allo-aro/

In particular, I’d have you check out these pages:

https://aroworlds.com/2019/03/22/allosexual-aromantic-erasure-a-guide/

https://aroworlds.com/2019/09/17/allo-aro-manifesto/

https://aroworlds.com/allo-aro/allo-aro-post-archive/

http://aroworlds.com/allo-aro/allo-aro-community-directory/

(Please! Go to other allo-aro blogs and read through them! Go check out our tags like alloaro! It won’t be a pleasant experience, I acknowledge; we have a lot of anger and nowhere else to voice it! But it is necessary that you develop a thorough understanding of allo-aro experiences, erasure and antagonism as part of your role as a highly-visible, well-known a-spec Tumblr account. The best way to do that is to expose yourself to many different allo-aro voices.)

No, the above isn’t a complete resource. It is by and large the perspective of one allo-aro (me). My website is a place, however, where you can start to get to grips with some of the issues we navigate on a daily basis as members of the a-spec and aro communities.

And if you’d like to learn more about lived allo-aro experiences, you needn’t stop at web articles when I also have a post collecting my allo-aro fiction:

https://aroworlds.com/2019/01/15/fiction-collection-allo-aro/

I sincerely hope you do more in future to understand, support and protect allo-aros, because you have too often shown yourself ignorant of allo-aro antagonism. This absolutely has to change.

Regards,

K. A. / @alloaroworlds.

[creative-aces]

HELLO WORLD - #GreatAceClub Week 2 Discussion 

Chapters 5-11

Have I mentioned recently that I love Scott? Because I love Scott.

Now that we are getting into the thick of things, there is so much more to discuss, especially as we start to see more discussion about Scott’s asexuality. Without further ado, let’s read!

- As we begin to see more asexual characters in media (see: @fuckyeahasexual’s Asexual Character Database), and as asexuality becomes seen more in the mainstream, creators may begin to think about how to incorporate asexual characters into their work. What do you think about how Scott talks about his sexual attraction? Does it match with your own feelings as being ace?

- Sinclair and Tauber have so much deliberate representation in Hello World. How many casual LGBT+ characters can you pick up on? Is this something you think is going to continue in more mainstream books? Out of the characters mentioned in this section, is there anyone you want to learn more about? Anyone you want to see in future books?

- HIDs are pieces of technology, but they are also people. This is definitely something that the people fighting against UltSyn have to deal with. Do you think that Scott or Terry or Jesse feel the same way about Sonia? What do you think about the morality of HIDs in general? If UltSyn is using them for nefarious purposes, what is the best way to fight back?

- Discuss Scott’s choice to sell Sonia. Did it make sense at the time? What did Jesse get out of it besides money? Do you think Jesse is a double agent, or just in it for whoever pays more?

- Scott almost immediately regrets his actions. What does this tell you about his character?

- Sinclair and Tauber do a lot to humanize their characters, like Scott “pretending” to get a text. How does this make the book more relatable? When’s a time you’ve done something similar?

- How many people in Hello World are “just doing their jobs” despite basically experimenting on other human beings? How is a reflection of the real world?

- We finally get our first Sonia chapter! What do we learn about her from her actions in this chapter?

- How is their relationship changing? What predictions do you have about them?

- In between the fast paced action, Sinclair and Tauber insert moments of humanity, like shopping in Paris. How does that help us associate with the characters more? What can we learn about them in these moments of relative quiet?

- What technology in this section have you seen happening in real life? What technology would you like to see?

- What predictions do you have about the party? What are you hoping will happen?

Be sure to pick up your copy of HELLO WORLD if you haven’t and join our free book club open to anyone in the #GreatAceClub tag! 

[fuckyeahasexual]

The Fuckyeahasexual Discord; Under Scrutiny

We do not, and will never, allow minors any exposure to explicit content. Our server has strict age-role-locked text channels dedicated to nsfw/nsfw-discourse/nsfw-tw discussion, and also corresponding voice channels in case it comes in handy. (Minors in our Discord also have access to a minor-only text channel.)

There’s some possibilities why our Discord might be facing this problem;

The name ‘fuckyeahasexual’ might have tripped the algorithms, since it has ‘sexual’ in it

Any mention of ‘assigned sex’, ‘sex-ed’, etc, in minor-only channels might have tripped algorithms

Our none-age-restricted sex education text channel might be in violation of Discord’s policies, despite it being strictly moderated to only include discussions relevant to all ages - laws involving bodily rights, symptoms of STDs, types of birth control, etc. 

Our Discord might have been reported, either with bad or good intentions

Our Discord server functions as an lgbt+ safe space. We allow all ages in our server, and insist all our members follow special consideration for each other. The goal was to give a safe space to any and all, as accessible as possible. This also meant a #sex-education text channel, because we believe that denying minors access to vital health information is a crime especially damaging against lgbt+ youth.

We’re currently going over options. We might end up deleting some channels, or further altering our open-door policy.

- Fae

[neurodivergent-space-ace]

Hey so I followed you because I was looking through the notes of the tahani ask from @fandomshatelgbtqpeople and you mention in your bio that if you support fuckyeahasexual not to interact. Like I hope you don't mind because I really don't want to bother but I don't want to follow them if they're problematic.

Thanks for asking I don’t mind at all, so basically rather recently fuckyeahasexual (who I was following) wrote this thing basically saying that alloaros are not valid/a part of the community and that aro is just a part of ace. When people asked them to apologize and explained why it was prejudiced they didn’t apologize and repeatedly defended their actions. There wasn’t even a statement saying the other mods didn’t share those views. I had unfollowed, and when I checked the account hours later to see if they had kicked that mod off or apologized they had instead deleted the initial post and then all other posts which said what had happened.

I had reblogged stuff from them for a while and as an aroace person was super worried that maybe they had posted some subtley anti-alloaro stuff I hadn’t noticed so I looked into their track record. I found out that the fuckyeahasexual twitter account had harassed a Black aro/ace advocate and model Yasmine Benoit. They had done that, as with their anti alloaro post from a stance of “righteousness”. In this case because of the kind of clunky wording of one post she made supporting demisexual and demiromantic people. Immediately I went blocked them because none of them had stopped the blatant racism and clearly the whole account at the very least tolerates racism, sexism, and prejudice against alloaro, demisexual, and other aro/acespec identities. It was also revealed that on the fuckyeahasexual chat room there were people who were saying p*dophillic things.

[dailyaspecpositive]

Hi, the person who sent you that comment doesn't even appear to be Jewish? I would just like to mention, but that Discourse has been started by Exclusionists intentionally attempting to divide the Ace community. Many Jewish bloggers, including the few Jewish Demisexual Lesbians that exist on here, have commented with support on the flags (fuckyeahasexual has some of these posts archived), but because Jewish Demis are overwhelmed, our voices get drowned out. Please don't give in to Discoursers.

No, they’re Romani. I don’t mean to be flippant about this, but here’s the Wikipedia description of the black triangle symbol:

“The black triangle was a badge used in Nazi concentration camps to mark prisoners regarded "anti-social" and "arbeitsscheu" (work-shy). Those considered anti-social included primarily the Romani but it was also used until 1942 to describe alcoholics, homeless, beggars, nomads, and prostitutes.”

This information can be found here: [X] and it’s source is listed as “Auschwitz-Birkenau State Museum.” The black triangle was used primarily against Romani people. Despite this fact, I’ve also talked to Jewish people who are uncomfortable with it as well, in some cases because they were under the impression it was an antisemitic symbol rather than an anti-Romani one, in other cases because they’re just not comfortable with the recycling of any Holocaust symbolism.

I’m aware of the discussions about how criticisms are allegedly an exclusionist campaign to divide the aspec community, but if the flags are hurting Holocaust survivors and their families, then I’m going to stop using them. I don’t think it matters where it all began. I’m not willing to die on the hill of defending a set of flags I personally don’t even like design-wise just because some of the criticism might be coming from bad-faith actors. I fully acknowledge that some of the criticism comes from people bandwagoning and looking for the Next Big Excuse to harass aspecs, BUT I’m also aware that in this case the flag does actually cause discomfort to some people and because of that I’m cool with just using a different, more visually appealing one.

At the end of the day, my choice to use/advocate for an alternate flag is down to me. I’m not going to force anyone to give up their flag, I’m just putting it out there that we’re changing how we approach the demi flag on this blog because we want to do what we think is best. - Mod Kricketot

[neurotypical-karen]

[A tweet from Yasmin Benoit, "there are demisexual people out there who dont feel very asexual and aren't very asexual and that's cool too. The orientations overlap but only to a degree. Demisexuality also overlaps literally every other orientation. It is it's own experience.]

Just for the record, this is the tweet Yasmin Benoit made about demisexual acceptance. Regardless of if you disagree with the definition or the wording, it’s something that would warrant Talking To Her About It rather than trying to get the entire community to turn against her, yall are just racist.

There’s also a LOT more history to the current situation than just this screenshot, but the main thing worth mentioning is that one of the mods of @/fuckyeahasexual has spurred on most of the rumors and hate towards Yasmin, saying that she is exclusionary to demisexuals. From what I’ve discovered there was a pre-existing beef between Yasmin and Mod Rose that took off when Yasmin challenged her on the scheduled date of the next Ace Day? I don’t feel comfortable trying to hash out what happened with that because it mostly happened in private exchanges and relies on personal messages being screenshotted and posted to confirm anything.

[dechart]

For me figuring out I was ace felt like a giant game of eliminating what I didn't feel. Like I didn't want to sleep with people, and didn't understand why certain people are attractive and I'm still a little sure that one night stands aren't a real thing?? I also asked a lot of questions on places like @fuckyeahasexual and @aspecpplarebeautiful and they were all really helpful. Also, there's no shame in calling yourself ace until proven otherwise. Aspec people are an absurdly accepting bunch. <3

omg sweetheart, you're so cute

one night stands are (for me- were😠) a real thing but i understand where you're coming from 🤔

ill refer my friend to the blogs u mentioned, thank you 💕

[archaeopter-ace]

thedistantdusk mentioned you in a post

…@fuckyeahasexual, @asexualadvice, and @ archaeopter-ace are all blogs that…

I’m flattered, but I’m less of an asexuality blog than I am an ace with a blog-of-all-my-interests. I think maybe you have me confused with someone else? Like, to my knowledge no one has ever asked me questions about being ace on this blog, though I would be happy to do so if anyone ever should. 

I humbly submit as an alternative to me, @theaceandaroadvocacyproject (TAAAP), an “organization dedicated to providing resources on asexuality and aromanticism to the public.” Some very active discussions happening every weekend this month for Pride over on their pride-chats discord server - worth checking out!

[alloaroworlds]

Since I’ve gained fifty-odd followers in the last few days and some folks aren’t allo-aro, I thought I’d mention my tagging policy.

I don’t tag. I tag my own original posts to some extent, and I usually tag very explicit content or GIF-leaden stimboards, but that’s about it. The only way I can run this blog and @aroworlds / @aroflagarchive, where I do tag, is by cutting down the workload.

(I have chronic hand, thumb, wrist and shoulder pain on both arms, largely provoked by repetitive movement. It’ll be my ten year anniversary of pain-related disability in October ... not something I really want to think about!)

Additionally, I absolutely do not and will not warning tag for non-explicit and casual sex mentions. Nor will I ever I warning tag for mentions of sexual attraction and related experiences. I’ve written about the pressure I feel to constantly warn/advise for my existence in general/shared aro/a-spec spaces, so it’s important to me to have an online space where I don’t have to attach that metaphorical sign to content expressing my identity.

Even my aro creative content Tumblr doesn’t offer me that freedom. (I am acutely aware of what it means to warning tag for a story describing othering associated with adding said tags for terms and experiences associated with my shape of aro!) So I need a space where I get to avoid doing so, and this account is that wonderful space.

If you need content tagged, I absolutely encourage you to check out the allo-aro community page to find an allo-aro blogger who can accommodate your needs. I am entirely on board you doing what you need to keep yourself safe while also learning from and supporting allo-aros! That person just isn’t me.

(So, to those who folks who must leave: farewell and good luck!)

On an unrelated topic, I have gotten several lovely anons expressing feelings related to the FYA situation. As much as I appreciate your support, encouragement and kindness, and the time you took to send them to me, I hope you’ll forgive me if I don’t post them. I don’t want to create a situation where we’re constantly rehashing this event or repeatedly discussing how bad that post was. I think enough has been said, now, that we can give FYA a space to learn, consider and respond with an approach for the future and acknowledgement of what they need to do to shape their relationship with the aromantic and allo-aro communities (as folks sharing the broader a-spec space).

(FYA has a lot to do to earn my trust, but I’d like to give them the chance to do so.)

I hope you understand that I do take those asks as a gift for me, that I am so very glad you sent them, and I really do want to express my gratitude for the support sent from other allo-aros and a-spec allies to allo-aros. Given that my inbox often serves as a mechanism for people to question, delegitimise and police allo-aro identity, it’s been truly wonderful to see the opposite this week!

I hope we can turn the conversation less towards one account’s behaviours and more towards identifying and halting community-wide habits of allo-aro erasure, supporting allo-aros in our feelings and experiences, making shared aro/a-spec spaces more welcoming and inclusive of allo-aros, and joyfully celebrating and encouraging the expression of allo-aro identity, pride and creativity.

Thank you so much for reading, followers old and new!

- K. A.

[titheinironside]

Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

Okay,I don't usually answer questions like this, but gods. Okay. And I want it understood that my answer is directly in response to the question. Had Anon asked about the concept of gold star Lesbianism or about the history of it, or even asked about it as whole, my answer would be different. I'm working off the assumption they know what they're asking me.

First: the idea of Gold Star Lesbianism is absolutely disgusting. Love is love, whether or not you found your way as you grew or knew early on. Separating already marginalized people into ranked sub-groups based on who they've dated, loved, or had relationships with in the past is divisive and inherently transphobic, biphobic, and, (really consider who you're asking this question to) acephobic as well. Not to mention lesbophobic, because my gods, the idea that some lesbians are better than others based on a merit that is extremely personal to each individual is skin-crawlingly wrong. I'm not super eloquent, so I'll kick this over to @fuckyeahasexual who I think I've seen deal with this type of question before.

Second: I'm not a lesbian, nor am I same sex oriented for romance. I'm Asexual, and more than a little Aromantic. And I'm out, proud, and loud about it. It's on my blog description, and both my blog theme and my icon have the Ace flag. They're not there to look pretty. That by itself should answer your question. Do I support lesbians? Absolutely. I also support Trans people of all shapes and sizes, Non Binary people of all shapes and sizes, Gay people of all shapes and sizes, and Queer people of all shapes and sizes.

Think before you ask. Please. I've seen the concept of this before, and I have never, not once, had anyone engage with this idea as a good thing outside of people who fetishize wlw or women in same sex relationships. It's harmful and stereotypical at best, and extremely toxic and phobic not even at worst, but at middling. I sincerely hope you weren't expecting me to laugh this off, because this is one of those things where I get pissed.

To my followers, those of you out there who see my few and far between personal posts: tell me if I'm getting something wrong here. Please.

[fuckyeahasexual]

would you be comfortable with someone starting a fuckyeaharomantic blog? not to like... compete with you but more or less just to cover the lack of aromantic rep in the aspec community and to have some solidarity? i'm thinking of starting an aro-centric blog but i don't want to co-opt y'alls brand if it would make you uncomfy!

The only thing that makes me uncomfortable with this and I’m going to be EXTREMELY frank about the matter. I suggested this on twitter once years ago to what I thought was a group of friends. I said “as an aro it would be helpful to have someone running something like fyeah but more dedicated towards aromantics” And it got a lot of backlash because people read my comment incorrectly as “””a fuckyeaharomantic blog would show that fuckyeahasexual doesn’t care about aros.””” I don’t exclusively talk about aces here, but it is obviously ace themed. And it turned into this huge thing that ended up erasing my demiromantism and saying “how dare I not automatically consider this blog an aro blog.”

I still like the idea and think aros would benefit from more aro bloggers and dedicated aro focused, even if not aro exclusive, spaces. And the fact that “fyeah [topic]” used to be a naming meme so I don’t feel like I “own it”. But since people call this blog “Fyeah” it could could confuse things. It personally would be mildly triggered at least at first because of all of that history above. But this isn’t to say you can’t, and if the url is available at least some aro should keep it safe. And if you really love the naming pattern I’m not here to stop you from using it.

As a thought, I’ve mentioned before that I love that this url past it’s meme days because fuck next to asexual is powerful. It subverts convention and makes people not assume about aces. If there was somehow a punk version of that could be done with a ‘romance’ word that could create something powerful on it’s own. But I can’t think of a word that could do that. “Fuck” is a strangely versatile word, and I cannot think of anything that is a good comparison to it for this end, but it is a suggestion to at least consider in the process of deciding how you want to run your blog.

Thanks for asking, and let us know you what you end up doing so I can follow either way. - rose

[official-cisphobe]

hey, you know fuckyeahasexual doesn't want to exclude aros, and the mods just had a rough night with noone telling them what the problem was, someone finally told them the problem and they could finally resolve it, and it was all a misunderstanding. so if you could just make a new post to make clear that aros get excluded from aspec places instead of doing it on their post? it's just that it can hit the mods, especially since we all know they didn't mean to. thank you

honestly I do not believe the "no one told them" bullshit, plenty of people INCLUDING MYSELF have sent them asks and whatnot about what the initial problem was - not to mention (albeit I don't exactly know much about fya's history with arophobia) a lot of people who have been following them for a long time have tried multiple times to tell FYA that the things they've said and done have been arophobic

also almost immediately after I had sent them asks about not using asexual to mean aspec and not using aspec to refer to asexuals only they made/reblogged (not sure if it was an older post) about aspec not meaning ace and aro, which in context to those asks is VERY questionable

they could've handled the situation better and so far I haven't exactly heard an apology from them because whether they meant to or not they hurt a lot of aros by being careless with their wording

[stargazing-enby]

out of curiosity, does demisexual fall under lgbtq? idk I'm rlly uneducated

Hi! No worries, being uneducated is okay and I’m happy you reached out 😊 I’m allosexual, which means I am not in the asexual spectrum (or a-spec), but I’m gonna try my best to be respectful in my answer to you. (If anyone on the a-spec wants to add to this, feel free to reblog!)

Yup! Asexuality, demisexuality, greysexuality and everything else under the ace spectrum all fall under lgbtq+ because they’re different from heterosexuality in terms of sexual attraction: asexual people don’t experience sexual attraction whatsoever, or, if they’re somewhere else on the spectrum, experience it rarely or in very specific situations.

Moreover, the a-spec community has many shared experiences with the other communities within the lgbtq+ one – especially with the bisexual community, from what I have read and seen, because while they are marginalized by heterosexuals, a-spec people are also claimed to “not really suffer oppresion due to their sexuality, unlike homosexual people, because they can hide under heterosexuality” – a prejudice both the bi and ace communities have been fighting hard to dismantle.

Here are some shared experiences between the a-spec community and the other different communities that fall under lgbtq+: (tw for sensitive topics)

- Having a sense of otherness when growing up, especially when your heterosexual friends start talking about dating and sexual attraction.

- Feeling there is something inherently wrong with you.

- Having a lack of representation in media and of mention during sex ed. Invisibility.

- Forcing yourself to “be normal”, pretending to have crushes, date, have sex and even marry due to compulsory heterosexuality, fear, and/or lack of awareness. Having to “act straight” to stay safe/be seen as “normal”.

- Feeling an overwhelming relief when finding that others feel the same way and there is a name for your feelings.

- Rejection from families, friends and partners when coming out. Being kicked out, ignored, neglected or questioned about the “realness” of your sexuality on a daily basis.

- “It’s just a phase.”

- “Am I really this or am I just confused???”

- Correctional rape and other forms of sexual abuse, as well as physical, emotional and verbal abuse due to their sexuality. (“You just haven’t tried hard enough”, “You just haven’t had a good dick”, “But with me you’ll like it!”, “Maybe you think you’re this way because you were traumatised as a kid”).

… to name a few.

And here are some problems that, though not exclusive, are more specific of the a-spec community, that I know of:

- Being classed as both “childish” and “selfish”.

- Being denied a space in the lgbtq+ community by many exclusionists still nowadays because of the mentioned supposed “ability to hide under the protection of the straights”. (What they don’t mention is that anyone can fall under this protection if they are willing enough to be unhappy. No one is “straight passing”, it’s called erasure.)

- Being still classified as sick. There is an illness called Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder and you can read about it here. Basically, they won’t (or shouldn’t) diagnose you with this illness if you identify as ace/a-spec. The problem? Asexuality, demisexuality, etc. are all so invisibilized there are many people out there who can’t identify this way simply because they don’t know it’s an option. They don’t know the word. So yeah. They are diagnosed with a disease.

… again, to name a few.

I hope this helped, nonnie! If you wanna know more about this you can scroll through @fuckyeahasexual, they’ve lots of informative posts and they’ve shaped my understanding of a-spec sexualities as much as my own experience of it with my (very much ace) girlfriend and some of my friends.

Have a nice day! 💗

[probablylikesixducks]

Hey you're asexual right? Can I ask like... how you knew or is that weird? I'm sorry if this is like super personal or bad I'm just trying to figure out some Stuff

Oh shoot I have no idea how long this has been here 😬 I constantly forget to check my inbox

But no, you can totally ask I'm always will to help people who are question

I am asexual. I figured it out when I was like 15 (at least that's when I first came out to anyone)

For me I spent most of my time question by trying on different labels, I knew from the start that I was into guys and I spent a while imagining myself dating another girl and I figured I'd do that too so for a bit I thought about calling myself bi, but I thought that didnt feel super right so I started calling myself pan and it felt like it fit better but still wasnt like completely there, and I had thought about calling myself ace so for a bit I was kinda torn between those and then I stopped to think about what other people said about dating af stuff, I remembered in 8th grade my best friend mentioned to me that the guys in our class were already interested in sex and it confused me and when I started questioning freshman year of high school I was dating this boy and when I was talking about the labels I was thinking about he said we could still date if I was bi or pan and I was kinda like confused why he didnt include ace but eventually I figured out that it's just like I've never see anyone who I've like immediately liked the idea of having sex with (I'm personally pretty sec indifferent I'm not like against it if my partner wanted to try) but I kinda figured that allos like immediately knew if they'd want to bang someone so I ended up IDing as panace and I have ever since

I hope you see this anon, I'm really sorry of you sent this ages ago, overall my advice is like question as if you were shopping for shoes, try something on and walk around a bit, see how it feels, and if it doesnt fit, try something else

If you want more information and stuff, I practically swear by the @fuckyeahasexual account, the mods are all so nice and super helpful, they're genuinely one of my favorite blogs

I hope I was able to help, feel free to ask me any other questions you have, I'll try to check m inbox more frequently

[fourohfourlifenotfound]

Please take a moment to read.

I was messaged a continuation of the anons I received last night:

”In response to your questions, God I Wish I Knew.

A lot of this stuff is due to the newness of our communities. We're still getting our feet and still figuring out our language and where we stand, both together, separately, and with the greater lgbtq community. I do think that like. The sorta monopoly that fya has on tumblr aspec communities is harmful. It's wonderful for introducing people to aspec identities and I respect the work the mods do on that front, but it's also pretty much The Only Blog with aspec resources out there(that I know of). This leads to a sorta. One-mindedness in the community, if that makes sense? Having only five people as some of the largest spokesfolks for the community Has to lead to some issues. Especially, as evidenced by tonight, regarding allo and non-sam aros and our voices.

I may regret participating in this but I still stand by everything I said tonight because I *have* been hurt by fya's actions(both tonight and in the past, casual arophobia from them is not a new thing. I also wanna mention that casual/unintentional arophobia isn't the fault of the person perpetrating it and I do not blame them for it, but rather it is the result of an amatonormative society teaching them that it's okay. It only becomes their fault when they refuse to look at themselves critically when called out for it.) and that's not gonna change.

Anyway I don't want this conversation to devolve into me complaining about fya cause that isn't productive. A lot of it is just. Changing how we educate people, and how they're first introduced to aspec identities, and just boosting the voices of aros and aces from all walks of life. But that's something that's very hard to do while exclus are still rampant which is honestly the biggest issue we face atm ngl.”

Anon makes some wonderful points!

The aspec community was supposed to be a place for everyone under acespec, arospec, aplatonicspec, etc identifies to talk about their shared issues. A unity of voices with shared experience to change the world for the better.

Here we are, fighting. We are fighting because our alloaro and nonsam aro (and pretty much any aspec identity that isn’t also acespec) siblings have been shot down by friendly fire, and the people causing the issues have not yet addressed how to change it.

This is a call to action

Go out there and read the grievances and stories of our aspec non acespec siblings. Take a minute to listen to and understand their struggles. Embrace their words with open minds and hearts.

Let’s start over. Let’s make resources for those that are new and/or questioning that include the non aspec experience. Let’s make people feel included and heard.

@fuckyeahasexual, I’m mentioning you because you’re the biggest aspec resource on this platform. You are responsible for the image of the aspect community to many who are questioning and/or new. Please take a moment for your team to consider how best you can move forward with helping the quest for all aspec voices to be heard.