#alloaromisia in the ace community

[alloaroworlds]

Dear @fuckyeahasexual,

I hope you can appreciate how distressing it is to me to see the hurt and rage in my allo-aro community right now. It’s distressing to see my fellow allo-aros feel once again dismissed, ignored and erased. It’s distressing to see the post that provoked that feeling, to have my identity and my pride in my identity brushed aside as though allo-aro can’t be as meaningful to me as ace is to you.

It’s distressing to feel, again, the reasons why our shared a-spec community is not a welcoming space for allo-aros. It’s distressing to feel, again, the depth of allo-aro despair at seeing our asexual kin show such a woeful lack of understanding of allo-aro identity and experience. It’s distressing to be reminded, again, how we are expected to share the a-spec community with people who are not only ignorant of us but routinely hurt us because of that ignorance.

You say that you want the chance to “safely listen, process, and understand how to better serve my community”. Assuming that you mean “our shared a-spec community, which includes asexuals and allo-aros as members deserving of equal inclusion, recognition, safety and respect”, good! Because right now, you are not serving the entire a-spec community. As right and acceptable as it is for you to focus on aces (just as I focus on aros and allo-aros on my accounts), it is not right and acceptable for you to perpetuate, overlook and maintain ignorance to allo-aro antagonism in the process.

You have a position of high visibility in Tumblr’s a-spec community. Because of that, you have a duty of care to not harm all a-specs. Even when talking about or referring to asexuals alone, as is your right to do.

This means you need to learn about allo-aro community, identity, experiences and, yes, erasure and antagonism. Even when--especially when!--that erasure and antagonism is perpetrated by asexuals.

So, where can you start in learning about allo-aros?

https://aroworlds.com/allo-aro/

In particular, I’d have you check out these pages:

https://aroworlds.com/2019/03/22/allosexual-aromantic-erasure-a-guide/

https://aroworlds.com/2019/09/17/allo-aro-manifesto/

https://aroworlds.com/allo-aro/allo-aro-post-archive/

http://aroworlds.com/allo-aro/allo-aro-community-directory/

(Please! Go to other allo-aro blogs and read through them! Go check out our tags like alloaro! It won’t be a pleasant experience, I acknowledge; we have a lot of anger and nowhere else to voice it! But it is necessary that you develop a thorough understanding of allo-aro experiences, erasure and antagonism as part of your role as a highly-visible, well-known a-spec Tumblr account. The best way to do that is to expose yourself to many different allo-aro voices.)

No, the above isn’t a complete resource. It is by and large the perspective of one allo-aro (me). My website is a place, however, where you can start to get to grips with some of the issues we navigate on a daily basis as members of the a-spec and aro communities.

And if you’d like to learn more about lived allo-aro experiences, you needn’t stop at web articles when I also have a post collecting my allo-aro fiction:

https://aroworlds.com/2019/01/15/fiction-collection-allo-aro/

I sincerely hope you do more in future to understand, support and protect allo-aros, because you have too often shown yourself ignorant of allo-aro antagonism. This absolutely has to change.

Regards,

K. A. / @alloaroworlds.

[onthebirdroads]

(I disagree with a pretty much all of this, but I'm only gonna comment on some of it cause brainspace)

I am an aro who is also technically asexual, but I've dropped the asexual label for a number of reasons, including the aromisia I saw in the ace community and the ace community's heavy emphasis on alloro experiences, as well as the fact that I just.. don't find my asexuality to be as relevant to my day to day life and my overall worldview as my aromanticism is.

I am absolutely not in some kind of ~painful limbo~. I have no need for a term to group me together with aces who are aro too but just call themselves ace, because we have very deliberately chosen to prioritise different parts of our experience. There is no reason for us to need any term other than aspec to include both groups because, again, we have deliberately chosen separate paths.

Something I can't comment on further, as it doesn't apply to me, but which is worth pointing out: this also seems to be completely ignoring the just aro and just ace people who aren't "technically" both.

(Also, while people just hearing “ace” may often assume alloace, in my experience just aro is overwhelmingly assumed to mean aroace.)

Overall this reads like you spend very very little time in aro communities, particularly from your thoughts on the use of "allo". If that is indeed the case, I'd like to strongly encourage you to spend more time getting to know what aro communities are like—and espeically take the time to learn about alloaro experiences—before you discuss this topic further.

I have some thoughts and they aren’t the best thoughts but it hurts to silently sit with them for so long. All I request is that these thoughts are considered what they are: incomplete half ideas half worries that I think could help our communities but emotion may be blocking the best way to word them.

I worry about how allo is used in aro spaces. It was never really meant to be directed towards any a-spec person. Aro Allo is used fairly commonly in aro spaces and this isn’t to scold the useage, I just worry if that’s a term that is empowering, most specifically on an individual scale. Allo was meant to be the stand in for “not an aspec identity” I’ve seen alloromantic allosexual people use it to set themselves up as specifically anti-ace, and allowed it to feed into their own sex negativity. It was never intended to be a replacement for the pride of your own sexuality. Just like how cis was not intended as a gender replacement. Of course, as an aro, if it is empowering or you feel like the etymology of how you are using it is better by all means. I just don’t think I’ve ever seen it discussed that aros don’t have to use even if they aren’t ace, especially when not discussing asexuality. (Think how kind of odd it is for a cis woman to go on about being cis when not addressing trans things.) I’ve seen allo used agaisnt aros and aces for being demi or grey which is why for aces who aren’t aro spec I try to use romantic ace. Because then it feels less like your own words used agaisnt you. I also think the aro community can feel it’s larger connection to other communities by focusing on the things they actively have pride in.

Which brings me to thought two. There’s no popularized term for a-specs who do not use the spilit attraction model. And because there’s no good term a-specs, who by definition both, but only use one word are in an odd often painful limbo. At times people see one label, and assume they aren’t the other. I don’t believe we should assume other people’s labels like that, but I understand why it happens. And I don’t think coining a new term for the person is the right move here, but maybe if there was a word for the phenomenon itself it might allow us to better linguistically build a bridge to better discuss it. Maybe “linked a-spec”?

Which brings me to my last thought. History wise “aromantic” as a term dates back to 2002. And first appeared on an Asexual forum. This is not to say the aromantic community started in 2002. For a long time it was linked to asexual or linked to that persons sexuality label if not asexual. I think as a community aros don’t feel like they have much because they can’t carbon date themselves by word as far back as sexuality focused labels. And I think the desired utter separation from “ace history” often robs aros of their own history. I think it makes people feel like asexual is always the focus. Aros don’t owe the ace community anything, aros we’re always a part of its community. You can’t steal from yourself, in reality it’s like taking 5 dollars from your left pocket and putting it in your right pocket. It’s always been your five dollars.

And I know there’s tons of grey aros aces who have wildly varied mileage to which community is more accepting to them. Which I feel is a truly heartbreaking problem because it causes, even a-specs who use both labels, to often still feel pulled part instead of the inherent oneness their identity more feels like.

If I had to make a visual metaphor I’d describe the two communities as a binary star system. Two things that can be viewed on their own, but their gravity effects each other. And for one astronomer living and viewing that bright beautiful thing it may look like a single star. And for others there may be more light between them.

[autcore]

can only alloros be targeted by aspects of alloromisia (like sex-negative attitudes) or can aros who are ace(spec) and enjoy/engage in sex be subject to the same experiences? Is there's a fundamental difference that should still always be acknowledged when an aro ace(spec) person relates to an experience of alloaromisia to make sure they don't speak over alloaros with similar experiences? /gen

Sorry this took a while! There aren't simple answers to these kind of questions.

Forewarnings:

This is an opinion, I'm not an aro liberation scholar or whatever the fuck.

I'm hyphenating "allo-ro" for readability because it looks too much like "alloaro" at a glance.

Nope - people don't generally check in with you to make sure you identify as alloaro before they say some alloaromisic bullshit. It doesn't actually matter how you identify, if you have experiences that overlap with ones common to alloaros then you're gonna have to listen to the same sex negative and aromisic crap. People who say/do bigoted stuff don't care how you identify, they just say/do shit based on how they see you.

Obviously it's great to listen to alloaros when we talk about how this stuff impacts us because it targets an integral part of our identities. However, I think it's counterproductive to claim that no one else experiences or should talk about their experiences with alloaromisia/sex-negativity. Allo-ros can and do experience this shit too, especially when they seek out short-term, sexual, or other non-normative/non-romantic types of relationship. To me, it seems a waste to cut off people with different perspectives on aro issues just because they don't share an identity with us. I'd much rather have a diverse range of people discussing this stuff. These issues impact more than just the aro community!

[lovingitaromantic]

hi, i hope you're having a nice day! uh, you said previously that fya "[have] been alloaromisic in the past a lot as well", and i was wondering if you could clarify what exactly you were referring to? i've followed them for a while, but i'm autistic and sometimes bad at picking up on things that aren't obviously overt, and aroace so since alloaromisia doesn't affect me it's a bit harder for me to notice, but i would hate to accidentally perpetuate any harmful behaviours or ideas against alloaros

Hey there! Thank you!

So I haven’t been active in this corner of the aro community until very recently, so most of what I (Mod Ash) have heard is from others. I tried asking around so here’s a compilation of stuff by Mod M:

-Yasmin Benoit (tw for racism & discourse in that first link)

https://socialjusticeace.tumblr.com/post/626726893058703360/buckle-in-this-is-gonna-be-long

f/ya link for idk even know, reference?

https://fuckyeahasexual.tumblr.com/post/626742355702300672/theres-such-much-happening-and-mod-rose-seems-to

-Aromisic survey

https://arrowmantic.tumblr.com/post/626728279157702656/hi-if-youre-exhausted-from-the-discourse-tm 

https://aromagpie.tumblr.com/post/187451086294/hi-a-spec-does-not-mean-aro-and-ace-it-was-a

-Quiet’s responses

https://quiet-times.tumblr.com/post/626726562671312896/hey-there-i-hope-youre-well-im-one-of-the-mods

https://quiet-times.tumblr.com/post/626625072416833537/fuck-you

https://quiet-times.tumblr.com/post/626635752517828608/this-post-as-of-writing-it-and-not-including-this

-OP from f/ya on Sunday (8/16/20) & responses for context/easy access

https://aromantic-not-heartless.tumblr.com/post/626629040204300288/i-have-some-thoughts-and-they-arent-the-best

https://quiet-times.tumblr.com/post/626622166381838336

https://aronarchy.tumblr.com/post/626729374173052928/hello-im-not-sure-if-youre-someone-to-ask-but

https://aro-allo-positivity.tumblr.com/post/626643985950244864

This is less specific instances and more broad reasons

https://nextstepcake.tumblr.com/post/618165943465590784/why-do-so-many-people-see-to-have-a-problem-with

https://arrowmantic.tumblr.com/post/626715634274844672/to-be-fair-fyeahasexual-is-also-pretty-keen-on

https://arotaro.tumblr.com/post/626646309959598080/fya-has-erased-one-of-my-comments-once-they-were

https://raavenb2619.tumblr.com/post/618785095417987072/i-just-saw-the-thing-about-fuckyeahasexual-and (ignore the bit about amazon that literally is a non-issue)

https://aroworlds.tumblr.com/post/177399753443/are-there-any-canonically-acearo-characters-i

https://aroworlds.tumblr.com/post/175932016003/a-means-more-than-asexual

I (Mod M) had been following f/ya since 2016 (no longer following) and have seen quite a few instances of aromisia/alloaromisia. Mostly of issues being brought up by aros and being ignored or spoken over. Also often generalizing all a-spec experiences as ace related (I think this was mostly related to their ‘diverse asexuality’ tag where I’ve seen posts specifically about being aro or alloaro being tagged that way without any additional aro tags).

[alloaroworlds]

I’ve gained more asexual followers on this blog in the last few weeks, and I do appreciate your willingness to engage more with allo-aro experiences and perspectives. I also appreciate your willingness to reblog and promote allo-aro experiences and perspectives, especially since it’s so much harder for allo-aro folks to get our words and works outside the aro-spec community bubble. Both those things mean a lot to me, and I am so grateful for your efforts here!

But I’d like to ask you one thing: please do not reblog any of my posts with comments how specific allo-aros and allo-aro experiences are similar to your experiences as an asexual or how society treats asexuals and asexuality. I’ve had to watch some of this take place while I’ve been in too much pain to respond to it, which has been frustrating and dispiriting.

Please don’t make my allo-aro content about your asexuality.

Other allo-aros may allow this; I’m not speaking for them or the whole community. I’m speaking for me and my comfort on my own blog. I’m also speaking in the context of an a-spec community culture where many aro-specs make posts about aromantic-specific circumstances only to find an asexual using that as a jumping-off space for asexual-specific conversations and activism. This is common--I am not the first and will not be the last aro-spec to write about this--and a good many of us are alienated by this behaviour.

This harms all aro-specs by centering asexuality even in aro-spec conversations. When this happens to non-asexual aro-specs, though, it means our experiences are being forcibly referred back to an identity that dominates a-spec communities, conversations and media--an identity that most allo-aros don’t possess. We’re already fighting to have our allosexual aromanticism respected and seen as legitimate from some asexual allies; how do you think it feels to have asexuals entering a non-asexual a-spec conversation to make it, yet again, about asexuality? This habit de-centres us as allo-aros even in our own content and on our own blogs and communities. Our activism, our works and our labour become divorced from the context of their inception.

Again, not all allo-aros will feel this way, but it is not unreasonable for any aro-spec (especially non-asexual aro-specs and allo-aros) to want asexuals to stop derailing non-asexual-inclusive aro-spec posts. It should be expected and normalised for ace-spec allies to inquire of aro-spec bloggers to find out their feelings on asexual-centred add-ons to non-asexual aro-spec content, as part of recognising the imbalance in current community dynamics and relationships. As part of recognising the way asexuality is more centred in a-spec spaces than aromanticism and, in the context of this post, allosexual aromanticism.

Sometimes this happens because our experiences are similar; sometimes this happens because asexuals think allo-aros don’t understand asexual community dynamics or history in our discussions about allo-aro erasure. Often it’s well-intended, meaning to educate, share or connect, but it de-centres allo-aros in allo-aro activist conversations just the same. Suddenly, the conversations we began aren’t about us, and when there’s still a comparative minimum of conversations about allo-aros in a-spec spaces, being pushed off to the side is damaging.

(I have so many asexuals pop up in my notes thinking to explain asexual community history to me in response to my posts about allo-aro inclusion or erasure. Please don’t do this! First, allo-aros are required to learn about asexual community history to learn about aromantic community history or the way its dynamics underpin aro-spec community dynamics and even allo-aro erasure.  This assumption that I don’t know only demonstrates your lack of understanding about the relationship allo-aros are forced to have with asexuality in order to exist as allo-aros. Second, you’re popping up on an allo-aro post as an asexual to talk about asexual community history. There’s a word for this: derailing.)

We don’t, historically, have a lot of space in the a-spec community for allo-aro-specific conversations. We don’t always feel safe or heard when we do speak. (I’m posting a story this month about an autistic allo-aro character on @aroworlds​ and I constantly have my heart in my mouth over depicting and discussing my character’s sexual attraction and setting this story in a context centering sexual attraction and experiences. An allo-aro posting to hir own aro creative media blog--an aro blog, not an a-spec, aro-ace or ace blog--should not be afraid of being “too sexual”, but I am.) We’re trying to give voice to feelings and experiences that have long been pushed under the rug, often at risk of earning ire and rejection from our ace-spec, a-spec and even other aro-spec kin. And, over the last couple of months, non-asexual aro-specs and allo-aros have earnt an increasing amount of hate and disregard from our own fellow a-specs just for voicing our frustration and erasure. I have; I know other allo-aros who have.

So when our own posts are derailed to become conversations about asexuality, it hurts. I know that most of the time you don’t mean to hurt me, that your intent is to enlighten or educate, but I am hurting every time I see myself sidelined in my own posts. I am hurting because I am sidelined and afraid in other ways in a-spec spaces. I am hurting because I am putting effort into creating and collating content that is separated, repeatedly, from its context and purpose. I am hurting because it’s reinforcing the message that I only matter when asexuals can relate to my work. And it is not okay that my notifications are hurting me this way.

I do not consent to my asexual allies reblogging my allo-aro-specific content with asexual activist conversations and additions.

Please don’t derail my allo-aro posts with asexual activist discussions about asexuality, the asexual community, asexual experiences and asexual history. I do need the allyhood you’re offering, but changing the topic of my conversations is not helping me feel heard and supported.

[alloaroworlds]

Dear asexuals who are not part of the aro-spec community,

If you want to have your community remain an asexual or asexual-centred space, please don’t refer to it as an “a-spec” or “ace-and-aro” community. Please don’t write general posts about aromanticism (as opposed to aro-ace experiences) before insisting that you’re an asexual space when allo-aros ask why we’re not better included (or included at all) in that content. Please don’t just compile aro-ace resources if you’re going to use the header “aromantic”. Please don’t say that you welcome aromantics when you only wish to welcome aro-aces. Please don’t include my identity’s pride flag in your banner and then claim your space is just for asexual-identifying aro-specs. Please stop treating aromanticism as a subcategory of asexuality. Please stop using ace community to refer to all a-specs.

(“Ace community” is still sometimes used to refer to all a-specs. Right now, we allo-aros are still being forced under the ace umbrella only to garner surprise when we do insist on being included, not as asexuals, but as aro-specs who experience and even center our sexual attraction. If you want ace-specific spaces, you need to lead the charge on making sure that ace community always means folks who are on the asexual spectrum! This history, and a history of community groups representing all a-specs with only “ace” in the title up until very recently, means ace-spec communities need to go to more effort to clarify an intention of ace-only.)

If you’re going to frame and contextualise your community so that it appears to represent all a-specs, I belong there. It’s not invading even when some people use “a-spec” to mean “allo-aces, aces who don’t use the SAM, and, sometimes, aro-aces”. It’s not invading even when some people forget that allo-aros belong in spaces labelled aromantic. It’s not invading even when some people provide sub-spaces and resources labelled aromanticism but mean them for aro-aces. It’s not invading even when some people contextualise my identity as a form of asexuality. It’s not invading when you’ve issued an invitation to all aro-specs.

If you only want to include aro-aces, then only welcome aro-aces. Only provide resources relevant to aro-aces. Entitle your spaces, resources and conversations as aro-ace instead of aromantic. Don’t treat aromanticism as a shape of asexuality and then startle when allo-aros both a) see that as an invitation and b) complain about our erasure. Don’t present yourself as a general aromanticism or a-spec resource/community when you’re not willing or able to include all aromantics. Don’t speak on aromanticism as a whole when you’re only meaning to encompass one part of it; label and contextualise your conversations and resources as aro-ace-specific.

You can say outright that you’re an asexual-only space that is only interested in representing or supporting the aromanticism of aro-aces. I run a blog that’s only interested in representing or supporting aro-specs and another for allo-aros. Nobody minds that I’m not being inclusive of all a-specs, just like I don’t mind if you want to run an ace-spec-only space or community. I’m not providing resources for allo-aces; when asexuality is discussed on my other blog, it’s always clear that we’re discussing the asexual-spectrum experiences had by aro-specs. It’s understood, without issue or contention, that my spaces don’t cater to allo-ace needs.

There are no allo-aros beating down the walls to be included in an asexual-only community. We do not want to be there.

When so many asexuals treat your community as a space open to all a-specs, however, it’s not unreasonable that we ask you to do so fully and inclusively.

If you don’t want to be regarded as a general a-spec community that must include and regard allo-aros equitably, please look to how you have labelled and presented your community, space and conversations.

(And please make sure that ace community never again serves as a synonym for a-spec community!)

Regards,

An allo-aro who’s grinding hir teeth, just a bit, over seeing some asexuals go but we should be able to have asexual-only spaces! in response to a new shape of activism that’s demanding aro-spec equity in spaces that have been historically labelled as asexual but presented as being for all a-specs.

[alloaroworlds]

Since this week is supposed to be about awareness, I want to talk about a few things folks in the aro-spec and a-spec communities can do to promote awareness of allo-aros.

I’ve had to again message someone to ask if their project is inclusive of aro-allos and allo-aro-specific experiences--like the having of sexual relationships. Very rarely do I see projects that don’t require me to seek this clarification, and as a socially-anxious person, I find this frightening and difficult. It’s also tiring and disheartening to see projects made ostensibly for me that I can’t feel certain of that inclusion because the language describing this project doesn’t specifically mention catering to allo-aro needs.

So, if you’re advertising a project, community, space or anything else about aromantic people, here’s how you make it so that allo-aros don’t have to question our inclusion. The goal should be that no aro-spec person, regardless of sexual orientation identity, has to question their right to belong, interact, participate or signal-boost. This applies for everything from community events to a-spec fandom fic memes!

This is in part a rehash of my last reblog on making a-spec spaces safe for allo-aros and in part a development of it in discussing uses of language terms and the need to clearly define terminology. I don’t think this is yet a conversation had too often for a little reworking.

Understand that aromantic alone as an identifier doesn’t always, in practice, feel like it includes all aro-specs. It should and it’s meant to, but when I see aromantic used to refer to a project without any clarifying mention of the types of aro-specs included, I am never certain that I am. In practice, “aromantic” often means “mostly general-aro or aro-ace with maybe an allo-aro paragraph tacked on at the end, maybe”.

Understand that aro-ace experiences, media and needs in the aro-spec and a-spec communities, in any general discussion of aromanticism, tend to be first acknowledged. When a space moves from asexual to asexual and aromantic, it’s aro-aces who first find connection in that space. Content that serves aro-ace needs alone can’t always make allo-aros feel safe; we need specific and deliberate inclusion and mention alongside more general approaches.

Understand that “aro-ace” and “aroace” don’t refer to the entire a-spec community and is instead a specific identity term. They should not be used to title or describe anything meant to include the whole a-spec community. If it’s meant to include all of us, there needs to be a non-optional and between “aro” and “ace”.

Instead, always make sure to specify that all aro-specs are welcome to participate, and mention allosexual aromantics by name. I don’t mean that you should label something “aromantics and allo-aros”; please don’t do that! I mean that a paragraph welcoming everyone on the aromantic spectrum of all sexual orientation identities means we know for certain that aromantic means us, too.

(This applies to all aromantic-spectrum identities that aren’t just “aromantic” and “aro-ace”. We need to be clear about what aromantic means when it’s used in reference to the broader community.)

Use the language terms used by allo-aros to refer to us: “alloaro”, “allo-aro” and “allosexual aro” or “allosexual aromantic” are common. Don’t use terms like “non-asexual aros” to avoid writing “allosexual”! Right now many projects, publications, communities and spaces claim to include all aro-specs while never actually using words like “allo-aro” anywhere. It’s hard to have any kind of visibility when our community identity term isn’t being used in projects and spaces ostensibly including us. Please use our words.

(“Allosexual” is a word used with little contention in aro-spec spaces. When you try to avoid using it in reference to allo-aros, you’re making it harder for us to be seen and recognised as a growing sub-community.)

Remember that many allo-aros have felt as though we need to push aside sexual attraction and how it interacts with our aro-spectrum identities/experiences to participate in the aromantic community. We’re working now to make spaces where we don’t have to do this, but there is still a feeling that general aromantic spaces are for the aro spectrum alone and our sexual attraction identities are not connected to it enough to be centred alongside it. This is why aromantic alone doesn’t feel inclusive enough without further explanation; it doesn’t act to counter a culture of feeling as though we need to be quiet about part of who we are.

(The idea that we should have to keep our sexual attraction experiences out of the a-spec community is one that automatically centres asexuality as the default a-spec experience ... something that inherently alienates allo-aros and harms all aro-spec people.)

Instead, provide spaces meant for discussion about sexual attraction experiences as shaped by aro-spec identities and make it plain that your project or community actively welcomes and includes discussions and/or depictions of sexual attraction and sexual relationships as shaped by aromanticism. Don’t assume that we naturally know this: we need you to make specific mention of it. I promise you that we never know if we are welcome to do this.

Also, if depictions of sexual attraction/experience as shaped by aromanticism are welcomed for a space, project or publication but there is a degree of how explicit said depiction can be, specify this. This is so important because we’re constantly caught between feeling afraid to speak about it at all and being afraid we’re being too detailed or explicit if we do. If you’re happy to include posts or stories about sexual attraction experiences as an aro-spec but you only accept content under a certain rating, please be clear about this. It saves awkwardness and anxiety on all sides.

Additionally, if there is specific content regarding sexual experiences or interaction that your community, space, publication or project will not accept while allowing general conversations/depictions of sexual experience shaped by aromanticism, specify this, too. Tell us what is and isn’t allowed so we don’t need to fear overstepping any boundaries.

(The a-spec community runs on an assumption that sexual content is a non-issue. This assumption means that allo-aros don’t know what we can include or how much detail is permissible if we do risk the inclusion, leaving us anxious about including sexual references or content even if it is allowed. It is so important that people be clear and specific on what is and isn’t acceptable for any given space and project. Please do not assume that aro-specs have no need to discuss sexual attraction and sexual experiences. Not experiencing alloromantic attraction does not mean we don’t experience sexual attraction.)

Remember, too that allosexual attraction communities have never been welcoming of allo-aro experiences. Any assumption that we can go over there to be supported in our sexual attraction means shoving aside our place on the aromantic spectrum. The idea that our aromantic-spectrum identities and our sexual attraction identities are completely unconnected absolutely does not include all allo-aros.

Be aware of community terminology and issues about terminology in a-spec spaces and how they may impact allo-aros. For example, the meanings of queerplatonic and platonic in ace spaces is often very different from the meanings in aro spaces, and a-spec spaces based more strongly in the ace-spec community may not use these words in ways inclusive of allo-aros. If you use these without qualification, allo-aros have no way of knowing if you mean “any relationship that isn’t sexual or romantic” or “any relationship that isn’t romantic”.

Instead, specify what you mean when using these words so allo-aros can quickly determine if your space is truly inclusive of us or not. We cannot assume that you’re using a definition that includes us, so please specify what you mean by the use of any words with alternate interpretations. (If you define “queerplatonic” as having no space for sexual attraction and expression, please acknowledge that your definition denies allo-aros space in a community-wide term and is not inclusive of us or our relationships.)

TL;DR: Use words like “allo-aro” in a paragraph saying what aromantic includes, make it clear that conversations/posts/submissions including depictions of aromantic sexuality are welcome and what boundaries you have on the degree of this depiction; and be clear about the meaning of words like “queerplatonic” that are not always used in ways welcoming to allo-aros.