#fucking life! so OF COURSE he's gonna be pissed off and mad when bad things keep happening! he blames himself for it!

[silverselfshippingchaos]

this fandom loveesss to mischaracterize g.ladio... it's like people forget what his whole fucking dlc was about 😭

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Coffee Crossfire

Fandom: Marvel (Mob Boss AU)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Summary: You own a cafe in Brooklyn, Bucky Barnes' territory. You occasionally let him hold meetings in the cafe after hours and things usually go well....but not this time.

Bucky looks around the disastrous mess around him. He's so fucked as he takes note of the shattered windows, bullet holes in the furniture and walls, broken tables and chairs.

You're not going to be happy with him at all.

Bucky looks at Sam and Steve, who've just finished getting rid of the bodies.

"She's gonna be pissed," Sam says looking at the mess.

"I know!" Bucky exclaims and runs a hand through his hair, "Fuck. Okay," he points at his two best friends, "Call up a clean up crew and construction crew. We need to get started on fixing this place up ASAP."

"Got it, boss," Sam says with a nod, pulling out his phone.

Steve approaches Bucky and claps him on the shoulder, "Start planning your funeral, Buck."

"Shut the fuck up, Steve." Bucky pulls out his phone and starts searching for places that are open late. He needs to find you some flowers.

_____________________

You're up late working on paperwork when you hear a knock at your door. You get up from your desk and peer into the peephole. You see Bucky holding a bouquet of flowers and you're immediately suspicious.

When you open the door, you see the flowers and the look on Bucky's face. You cross your arms over your chest and ask, “What did you do?”

He shrugs and responds, “Why do you assume I did something?”

“Because you got me flowers and you have a look on your face that says ‘I did something bad and you’re gonna be mad at me for it.’”

He gulps and confesses, “…the cafe got shot up.”

“WHAT?!” You look at him with wide eyes. You immediately grab your keys, slip on your shoes, and ready to head out, but Bucky stops you.

“I already have my guys cleaning it up and repairs will start tomorrow!"

You groan and grab the bouquet of flowers, whacking Bucky with them, “Unbelievable, Barnes! I can't believe you!”

“Sugar, I swear, I didn’t anticipate for the meeting to go that way!”

You grunt again, turning around and heading back into your apartment. Bucky follows you in and watches as you toss the flowers onto your kitchen counter, the petals falling off.

"Listen, I promise you, that the meeting was going well and then we were ambushed. They did a drive by. Romanoff and Maximoff were able to track them. Sam, Steve, and I handled the guys in the cafe."

"None of your people got hurt?"

Bucky shakes his head, "Thankfully, no."

"Good, I might kill you myself then," you look at him with a stern glare.

He holds his hands up, "Understandable. But I already have the guys working on cleaning the mess and fixing it up. Might take a few weeks depending on the damage."

"Take me there."

"Sugar-"

"Take. Me. There. Now."

Bucky gulps, "Alright." Bucky leads you out of your apartment and to his car. The ride to your cafe is filled with silence. Bucky knows how much he fucked up.

____________________

Your heart drops when you see the shattered windows and busted door. Sam, Steve, and several of Bucky's men are sweeping up the glass, surveying the mess.

Bucky can't stand the sad look on your face, "Sugar, I-"

"Don't."

You take a look around, any man in your way immediately moves to the side. Your life's work was ruined and all because you decided to set shop in Bucky's territory.

You hold back tears and look at Bucky, "You're going to handle it?"

"All of it. You just let me know what you want and need and I'll pay for it."

"Okay...and, maybe don't have anymore meetings here from now on."

"I understand. No matter what, your cafe will still be under my protection."

"Okay. Can you take me home now?"

"Of course."

The ride back was in silence once more. It drove Bucky crazy because he loved hearing you talk and joke with him. Knowing that he was the reason for your silence absolutely breaks his heart. After dropping you off, he definitely needs to pay the guys who did this a visit.

______________________

You go to the cafe the next morning and see a group of people already working on fixing the windows and doors.

You're also surprised to see Bucky there, very dressed down in a tshirt and jeans.

"Bucky?"

"Oh, hey," he hands you a paper, "Here's a list of things that need repairs or replacements. Just send me the links to any furniture and decor you want."

You take notice of his wrapped knuckles. You immediately grab his hands and look at him, "These weren't like this when I saw you last night."

"Had to give some people a talking to."

"YOU RUINED MY GIRL'S CAFE! NOW TELL ME WHO YOU WORK FOR!"

"Hm. Did they suffer?" you look at him with curiosity.

He smirks at you, "Of course. Romanoff and Maximoff are good at what they do."

"Remind me to buy them dinner later."

He looks at you with a pout, "I helped too!"

"Hardly, I'm sure."

"Well how about I get a kiss since I'm paying for everything?"

"The damage is your fault. I'm not rewarding you for solving the problems you caused, Barnes."

He groans, "You break my heart, sugar."

You shrug, "You'll live," you pocket the list and head to the counter to overlook all of your equipment.

Bucky stays back and watches you for a little bit. He can't deny how much he cares for you, which is why he's working so hard to fix the problems he caused.

He just hopes you'll eventually see how much you mean to him and take his feelings for you seriously.

PART 2 HERE

[stillaclownlol]

Gonna throw up If I can't talk about them-

Bunch of Aiden analysis under the cut because he's just SO OBSESSED CODED AND NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT 😭 (I will be very weird about it)

The way it's so doomed from the start. He's already so fascinated by her. It's in the little jump he does when she sits in front of him, like a secret they're both in on, like her sitting in front of him is some obscure way of her inviting him into a conversation.

Why is he like this (not positive but not negative either)

He has such a cocktail of personality traits and, most certainly, mental disorders, and his own history that makes it so, when he's in love, that it WILL blow up in his face.

The fact that he's been homeschooled for his entire life- he has no idea. HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW. He doesnt realize that its not normal. of course he doesn't :( His parents obviously leave him alone for long stretches of time and he doesn't seem to mind this. He hasn't had the chance to develop his social skills at all-

It's why he's so, let's be real, creepy. Ash makes it very clear she's not interested and he just keeps worming his way into her life. He plots so that she'll go on the field trip, he follows her around, he goes to her fucking house on the first day. LIKE, HELLO? RED FLAG?

He's having evil thoughts here I swear 💀

And already so quickly after meeting her he makes Ash his priority. He asks to sit next to her, he engages and makes an effort to talk to her. Tries to joke around with her. Gives her a nickname. Touches her. He's so touchy.

And defends her!!! When Tyler gets pissed at Ash, he honestly goes off on him even tho he KNOWS Ash can defend herself- and he's so...dark about it. There's a threat hidden behind his words. He's MAD here, right? Tell me I'm not crazy, please-

He also very clearly has violence on the forefront of his mind 💀 He's the first one to actively attack the phantoms; not to defend himself, not to defend somebody else (well, he pulls Ash out of the way), but for fun. And he's disappointed when they don't scream. He's sadistic, he likes causing pain, it's something he relishes in.

I mean look at how he smiles!!! None of the other kids have such an...active ENJOYMENT in fighting the phantoms, but for Aiden, it's almost like he finds relief in it, some way to vent out his frustrations. He's eager for a fight, for a thrill.

That's how Aiden sustains himself, he pretty much operates under "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." Everything he does gives him a boost of adrenaline, no matter the consequences. He got into a fight? Eh, who cares about all the bruises, at least it got his blood rushing. Broke a bone while doing parkour or smth? Whatever, the way his stomach dropped when he was falling as totally worth it.

It's a very dangerous mentality to live with, obviously. He's an adrenaline junkie. He's an addict. More than anything else, Aiden wants something that makes him feel alive.

And what makes you feel more alive than love?

Like not to minimise or anything but he's known her for like. 2-3 months- and he's already SO scared of losing her. Like I just don't think he would have had this type of reaction with anybody else besides Ben. He would have absolutely lost his shit if Ash 'died'.

He's a straight up love junkie. He's obsessive. Nothing beats the high love can give you. It overrules everything else. If Ash (or whoever he's interested in) feels bad because of smth, he's done with it.

He LIKED dying. He LIKED the adrenaline rush. But he won't do it again. Not because he had some realization that he didn't want to die, that he still wanted to live and do things, but because Ash was upset. Because this, this rush of care from her part, the way she was so scared of him dying that she was shaking, nothing could fill the hole in his heart better than that. And now that he has a taste for it, he won't let go easy. He will keep on living- if it means Ash will be by his side.

Which is a very dangerous position to put her in. Ash already feels responsible for her friends, and she doesn't even know that Aiden has "put" his life in her hands, not that it's her responsibility, because it isn't, but she will certainly feel responsible if Aiden does something FOR her.

Like He's so fucking obsessed and he doesn't even realize it- like look at how he sees her 😭 THE HEAVENLY GLOOOOOOW, LIKE SHES AN ANGEL AND HE THINKS SHE CAN SAVE HIM. BABY SHE CANT, YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF.

He could spiral so fucking bad. He could do some absolutely heinous things. Because he just doesn't know. He doesn't know how to love truly, yet. For him love really is that rush of adrenaline, the knife carving out his heart, he could be putty in her hands, or her executioner. This love that can be so obsessive, that he NEEDS it to function, like its water, like its the air he breathes. Its a compulsion, a fixation, a longing that burrows into your very soul. Ash doesn't even know what she's getting herself into-

Godddddd, it makes me so sick/ pos, it's SO FUCKING INTERESTINGGGGGG. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

I literally cannot function around this drawing 🫠

The. The hand. That way he's grabbing her. He's pulling her back. Towards HIM. like "this is mine. And I'm not sharing." And that little fucking look in his eyes, he just looks SO fucking pleased with himself. And Ash looks so...resigned. they're so doomed-coded, i love them so bad.

I don't know how I was supposed to NOT make a killer au, when he's just...like that around her.

Love is a wonderful thing. But love is also cruel, it is vicious, it is possessive and obsessive, and it will leave carnage in its wake.

Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You cannot stop thinking about another human being. -Helen Fisher

[hyomaluvr]

Itoshi Sae - NSFW Alphabet

cw // voyeurism, afab!reader, bdsm, objectification, non proof read

Aftercare: Even deep into your relationship, Sae is the silent affection type. His brother will budge after a bit and pamper his partner, but Sae will just silently throw a towel at your face and leave. You’re confused and a little sad, but he shortly after comes back with a water bottle and some aspirin. “Drink it.” You’re touched, but even more confused now. “What’s the medicine for, Sae?”

“So it’ll be easier for you to shake off the pain you’re gonna feel when you walk tomorrow.”

Body parts: He loves his dick honestly. It may sound arrogant and shallow, but in his defense, he’s got a nice one. When he takes any kind of suggestive picture rest assured it’ll be in a way that shows it off. Be it just being able to see it clearly in his sweats with his shirt of, or a picture of him fisting his cum covered cock. As for you, he loves your ass. If no one he cares about seeing is there he’ll grab your ass whenever. He’s not concerned about the press talking about it, but if Rin was there it’d be gross. Isagi Yoichi though…

Cum: Sae usually isn’t going to cum in you more than once. He doesn’t particularly even care if you swallow it. However if he’s mad or especially riled up by any teasing or bratty behavior, he’s cumming in you as many times as it takes before he’s satisfied, even if your sopping cunt is beginning to ache from all the orgasms he’s given you…

Dirty secret: The night he’d really come to terms with the fact that all he wanted to do with his spare time was be with you (so tepid…) was one he’d never forget. He was having such a damn good dream; playing a match that actually managed to rekindle that monster in his heart when all of a sudden he’s winning and you’re taking him back to his room and sitting on his face, praising him for what a good job he did. Your hands slid down his length while he was buried in your folds, eating you like a starved man. It wasn’t until he woke up that he realized his boxers were…sticky? Shit, he really couldn’t get out of this one.

Experience: Sae’s slept with plenty of girls. He’s never felt a single thing for them though, and he’s never felt particularly lustful towards them. Porn did it for him sometimes, but it wasn’t great. However when he’s gotten to you, it just pisses him off how unreasonably down bad is for you.

Favorite position: Anything on top. Doggy, missionary, practically bear hugging you as he fucked you from the back— you name it. He also likes positions that make him carry you. He likes to work for it a little bit.

Goofy: Of course Sae is serious during sex, is anyone surprised? However if you tease him too much he’ll have fun putting you in your place. So while it’s pretty serious for you, Sae is elated, laughing sadistically over top of you.

Hair: He’s messily trimmed. Decently well groomed in general but doesn’t shave that often.

Intimacy: Sae’s a very intimate person with you, and it’s mostly for selfish reasons. You’re the only person who’s ever made him feel this good, and it just feels better and better when you’re pliant and sweet under his hands. Still, there are times that are different than the others. Making love happens when Sae earnestly, truly needs you to feel him reaching to your heart. It’s a gentle reminder that he’s always here and that you were the one person who pushed passed his defenses like it was nothing and made your way into his life for good. He was being vulnerable and taking his chance on you. I love you, I love you, I love you— with each thrust, he tries to convey that to you.

Jack off: Jerks off in the shower. He says it feels gross to do it and not wash off after. It’s about efficiency, not pleasure. He doesn’t have time for this, and if he indulges his thoughts he’ll be here all day, so typically the same position: left hand pressed against the shower wall, right wrapped around his dick. It takes like four minutes.

Kinks: Spanking, biting, cock warming, overstimulation, excessive hickies, voyeurism.

Location: On an empty pitch with you wearing his jersey. He’s so possessive over you that he almost wishes there were people filling the stands to see how he was fucking you and they never would. Otherwise, any other time you’re wearing his clothes he doesn’t care where.

Motivation: Sae thinks it’s hot when people stare at you two in public. He also thinks it’s really hot when you initiate. He doesn’t mind he slapped around by you a little bit as long as he doesn’t have to submit. These three things really do it for him.

No: Anything overly messy is a no. Also, keep any Itoshi brother threesomes AWAY from him for extremely understandable reasons!

Oral: He prefers receiving than giving but eating you out is a sacred activity anyway so he’s not always in the mood (after all, that stupid dream was a sexual awakening for him). Sorry, but if he’s got your consent he’s a head pusher. He wants to face fuck you more than anything, and it’s the scenario he imagines when he’s jerking it.

Pace: Always fast. It doesn’t matter if it’s truly intimate sex or raw dogging you balls deep the pace will be fast. He has something he wants and he’ll get it.

Quickie: Shit, he loves quickies. If Sae ever uses/hires someone to drive him in a car, he might take you back there with you in his lap so ‘inconspicuously’ as he put it. Morning sex, ‘I’m just stopping by for my keys’ sex, whatever you want he’ll make it happen. He’s not that innocent in this either.

Risk: Yes. See above is somehow still unclear

Stamina: He can go for much, much longer than you could ever consistency go. That’s why unless he’s feral for you he’s only going to go one round. If he wants nothing more than to rearrange your guts, your hips and cervix will be feeling it for a while…

Toys: “Huh? Toys? You’re interested in that kind of crap?” Honestly he’s just jealous of the fact that something that isn’t him is going to be making you feel good. Still, he’ll buy whatever you want since he doesn’t win any. Personally, the ones he really likes are the ball gags, collars, and vibrators. You look so cute when you’re pathetic.

Unfair: He’ll almost always be teasing you during sex. He likes the push and pull of whether or not to give you the orgasm you’re so desperately craving for. Huh, he could make you do anything couldn’t he? It was so cute it made his head spin. If you give him the time, he’ll break you.

Volume: Sae really likes to mess with you and make fun of you by moaning obscenely loudly, sounding like he’s on the verge of ahegao. He just likes your reaction really— too predictable. In reality, it’s not those loud exclamations of pleasure. Arguably better than that, it’s his shaky breaths, grunts of your name, swear words that spill from his lips— all the things he can’t control when he’s faced with the most delicious meal of his life.

Wild card: Sae waited to have sex with you until you finally managed to open his tightly locked heart. You’ve always had a special place in his heart, ever since that first day you met when you annoyed the hell out of him. He kind of wanted to flick your forehead as hard as he could. He refused to let himself think of you in a perverted way until one day you met up and were drenched from the rain. He let you shower and was reduced to just deep breaths and pursed lips to try to force any lewd thoughts out of his mind as he sat on his bed. That didn’t work out at all.

X-ray: Sae’s always been kinda hung for the average, nowadays totaling in at about 9 inches. He used to boast his size childishly around his brother when he was younger (Rin’s honestly still a little insecure). He’s not particularly big in terms of muscle, but he is extremely muscular and toned regardless of how it seems. Still, he’s got biceps thrice as big as yours and two very distinct pillows on his chest, soft but firm in shape. Tight ass, defined calves. Just a fine man.

Yearning: Always, but also not often. He always wants you, he’d ditch practice if you asked for a quickie in a heartbeat. But when it gets too much to bear and he gets really serious about what he wants it’s obvious to everyone around. You’re going to be inseparable tonight. You’re going to be his darling little toy, and he knows that you’re yearning for it too.

Zzz: He usually stays up after. He’ll get up, shower, grab something to eat, wash his face, watch youtube, and then go to sleep two hours later. A part of it is a bit of a guilty pleasure— he likes to see you sleeping soundly in his bed when he peeks through the door. Something about it just sets his heart aflame. Mostly though, it’s because after you two are done he feels the best he’s felt honestly probably since the last time you did it. *He’s motivated, and has his partner to dream alongside him. So…it’s only natural he’d like to watch them dream too, right? God, that was so cheesy*, Sae thinks to himself, dry chuckling as he throws himself under the covers with you.

[dani-ya-dig]

THOUGHTS ON THE NEW AUDIO WITH WILLIAM

If you like long ass rambles that don’t mean anything boy is this the post for you

FIRST OF ALL SAM AND DARLIN MENTIONED!!! YIPPEE!! (Deadass all I care about)

LET ME TELL YOU WHEN WILLIAM STARTED TALKING ABOUT “it’s a part of being in this clan” or whatever the fuck when he was talking to Vincent about eventually being involved in William’s whole thing of killing people I started swinging at the air.

Like yeah it is a part A PART THAT YOU DIDN’T TELL THEM ABOUT!!! Like do you think Sam and Vincent would have been a part of it from the get go if you told them it would be expected of them?!? No??? THEN YOU SHOULDN’T PUT THAT EXPECTATION ON THEM OVER A DECADE OF THEM BEING INVOLVED IN THIS SHIT. That is so fucking grimy to me and I’m genuinely pissed about it. The only thing that got me reacting that hard I swear to god.

Darlin left the room because they got too mad, very clever way of not having to involve the listener characters at all 👍 /lh (it’s not worth my energy to get too into this tbh)

To make it silly to my brain though, what I imagined what happened, is that Darlin was fucking LIVID that William had shooed off Sam like that and had to be dragged away from the scene while whisper arguing with Sam about it. Once Sam had Darlin outside they go on barely cohesive rant about how that was shitty of William and how he should have to answer to Sam the same as Vincent, and Sam just went “Go take a walk Darlin”. And on their way out they just scream “UGH!” And punch a support beam (it absolutely could be heard from inside)

Anyways, Sam was so level headed. Love him so bad. But like… we all already kind of knew what the outcome of this was going to be, I feel like. One of the first character descriptions we got of Sam was that everyone says he is a “good man” and he is. He wouldn’t want to be involved in murder point blank.

BUT the more interesting thing to think about is what Vincent is going to do here. Because like Lovely had said, they have a lot to think about. Vincent also definitely is not just chill with murder, but leaving the clan is going to be a harder decision for him than Sam because of how much closer he is to it all.

Sam has expressed on multiple occasions that, though he loves Vincent like a brother, he doesn’t feel close or tied to the rest of the clan at all, he also isn’t very comfortable in Vampire society, it’s just not him. On top of all of that, he is part of the Shaw Pack, not in just an honorary way, him being Darlin’s mate makes him pack, and he is comfortable and happy in the pack, he has found community outside of the clan.

Vincent can’t say the same. Of course he has hung out with the pack, and no doubt David would accept him and Lovely as pack in a heartbeat if it came down to it. But Vincent isn’t as close in the pack as Sam is, and I don’t even know how comfortable he would be with being a part of the Shaw pack. And he doesn’t have the issue that Sam does with the clan. He feels a part of it. It was a sense of community, a family, for him. It definitely makes the decision far more difficult than it was for Sam, where Sam asked one question got his answer and made his decision, it’s not gonna be that easy for him.

I think Vincent is seriously going to be taking Lovely’s opinion into account with this, because while him still being part of the clan doesn’t inherently mean that Lovely has to be, I don’t think he would want to bring something like that into his and Lovely’s life if they weren’t comfortable with it all.

OMG THIS IS ANOTHER ASPECT I JUST THOUGHT OF!! WHAT THE FUCK IS VINCENT GONNA DO FOR WORK IF HE LEAVES THE CLAN???? Because this is another Area where Sam doesn’t have to worry as much, because Sam lives with Darlin who… I assume has a job. Which gives Sam the options of trying to work at Shaw Security for night gigs, or trying to do something else, or just being a house husband for Darlin (which is so cute lub it so bad).

I don’t think William would ever kick Sam or Vincent out of the houses that he gave them. But housing isn’t the only issue they have to worry about?? Like even if ur undead and survive off blood, you gotta be able to buy stuff sometimes. And I don’t imagine it’s easy for a vampire to get a job. Like you either gotta work night shift or work from home I guess.

Albeit William wouldn’t inherently have to cut off Vincent from his money if he left the clan, in fact William might just try to give him money because he loves Vincent but there is a lot there, that makes things complicated.

Is Vincent going to have to sell some of his fancy ass cars???? (The realest redacted angst)

OH I GUESS BOTH OF THEM COULD STILL WORK FOR THE REALTOR BUSINESS. I don’t why I didn’t think about that. It be really awkward if they did though… ugh… I don’t like that so I’m gonna pretend it’s not even a possibility.

Also it’s at times like these I wish I knew what was up with Fred and Bright. Because I’m my mind, Bright isn’t part of the Solaire Clan. They didn’t wanna be. But I don’t know about Freddy. How would he be handling Sam leaving the clan??

UGH THOUGHTS

[sixpossumsinatrenchcoat]

Talking to Ghosts

A postgame Omori epilogue exploring the way each member of the gang would cope after learning the truth. This time, Kel takes the wheel.

After Sunny gets into his mom’s car and leaves Faraway for good, Kel sits on his porch and Doesn’t Think About Anything. 

It isn’t easy. Kel just had one of the craziest nights of his life. Everything Sunny said in that hospital room is bouncing around in his brain like one of those DVD screensavers. Except instead of a tacky color-changing logo, it's the worst thing he ever heard. 

Luckily, Kel is very good at this game. He kicks off his shoes and digs his toes into the dirt. He plucks blades of grass and shreds them into spindly little threads. The bloody wreckage of Sunny's eye keeps surfacing in his mind, but it's way more fun to think about what he could IM Sunny about, now that Sunny has AIM. It’s even nicer to remember how tight Sunny hugged him before he left. 

…Man. It's dumb, ‘cause it’s not like he didn’t already, but. Kel is really gonna miss that guy. 

The sun climbs higher in the sky. The clouds scud by in no particular hurry. By the time the cool of morning heats to day, Kel is feeling sort of normal, actually. 

So, of course, that’s when Aubrey shows up. 

“Sunny,” she spits. 

Kel does a double-take. “Wh— Huh?? Where???”

“No, you fucking moron, I’m asking. Where the fuck is Sunny.”

Right. Classic Aubrey. Skipping straight to ‘physical violence’ is an insane first resort, but it’s par for the course, for Aubrey. When Aubrey feels bad, she can’t just hide it, like Hero, or swallow it, like Basil, or—freaking—think about literally anything else, like Kel. Aubrey would rather forge her hurt into a warhammer and swing it at anyone dumb enough to get close. 

They’ve had this fight a million times already. At this point, Kel could do it in his sleep. 

Even after all this time, he can’t help letting Aubrey piss him off. But he does manage to bail out before she can break all his bones with her nail bat, so. That’s probably personal growth. 

Kel gets all pissed off and stomps off and then stops being pissed off, because he hates being pissed off. He’s always hated feeling angry. It feels like poison in his blood. He doesn’t get how so many people can do it so much of the time. Why would you choose to feel bad when instead you could just… look at something else?

###

On his way inside, Kel blunders right into Hero.

“O-Oh! Sorry, bro!” 

“All good,” Hero says automatically. Reflexive. His eyes are rimmed with red, but he obviously doesn’t plan on talking about it. “You okay?”

Kel has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Clearly, Hero is taking the news way, way, way worse than anyone. (Including Aubrey, who is currently, actively committing property damage about it). But of course he’d rather die than say so. 

“Totally,” Kel reassures him. “All good.”

###

It was the same when they were kids. 

Oh, Hero acts like he never gets mad. He acts like he’s too grown-up for that kind of thing. He’s even pretty good at it. He’s got Aubrey fooled, and Sunny. And obviously their parents (not that that one was much of a challenge. Mamá and Dad would believe anything if Hero was the one who said it). 

But Hero could never fool Mari. Mari was sharp, like Sunny. Perceptive enough to smell the lies on your breath. If you were hiding something, she could always draw it out of you. She’d soften Hero up with teasing and flattery and then hit him in his weak spot at the exact right moment, the perfect jab at the perfect angle to split him open like a fish. The good cop and the bad cop, all in one. 

Kel used to hear them sometimes. Once in a blue moon, when Hero and Mari were sure that no one was listening, they would even let their hair down a little. Take off their disguises and let themselves be less-than-perfect for a change. Sometimes it was Hero who was crying, and sometimes it was Mari. Sometimes both of them at once! 

But most of the time, they weren’t crying. They were pissed. 

Like in fourth grade, after Kel’s practice got rained out. Kel was soaking wet and past exhausted. All he wanted was to lie down and close his eyes and not even think about the stupid math test that he definitely flunked this morning. 

He was already reaching for the door when he heard the voices: pitched low and stretched taut, like a rubber band about to break. 

“—even matter!!” Hero was whispering. “If I’m too busy, it’s my fault for not helping; but if I do tutor him—instead of studying for my own finals!! By the way!! Which I really need to be doing!!!”

“I’m familiar with the concept,” Mari said drily.

“—then it’s still my fault for—what? Not helping well enough? I mean, what??? What do they expect me to do? Freaking… crawl inside his head and make him smarter?” 

Mari snickered. “You could hide a walkie-talkie in his hat. Like that Spongebob episode where he goes to driver’s ed.”

Hero huffed a tired laugh. “I just don’t get what they expect me to do. I’m not the one who still can’t do long division in fourth grade.” 

Kel froze with his hand on the doorknob. Okay. Yeah. He wasn’t sure for a second, but—yeah. They were definitely talking about him. 

Some people would probably pick a fight about it. Some people (cough, cough, Aubrey) would storm in guns a-blazing. And where would that get her? All the mean stuff she heard would still be in her head. Nothing would change, except that everyone would know that everyone knew that everything was worse than it looked. Kel didn’t want any part in it.

He backed away from the door. He backed all the way down the hall, and halfway down the stairs. Then—louder this time—he stomped up the steps and burst through the door to their room.

“Oh!” Hero looked very briefly panicked. “H-Hey, little bro! Short practice today?” 

“Uh huh! We got rained out! But look!!!” Kel bared his teeth, showing off the ragged hole where his canine used to be. 

Hero turned faintly green. 

“Grooossss!” Mari giggled. “Did you twist it out yourself?”

“Uh huh!”

She ruffled his hair. “You’re so cool, Kel. Don’t ever change, okay?”

Kel grinned up at her, gap-toothed and beaming. “You got it!!”

###

But everyone changes.

###

Kel opens his eyes in Basil’s room. 

It’s not how he remembers. Basil’s room used to be wall-to-wall leaves and vines and memories. Now it’s vacant. No photos. No sticky note reminders. None of Sunny's sketches on the walls. Just white paint and beige carpet and a pool of inky dark, slowly swallowing the floor. 

In real life, Kel wasn’t here for this part. He had to hear about it from Aubrey while they huddled outside the ICU, clutching each other’s hands hard enough to cut off the circulation and taking turns telling each other that it was going to be okay. But Kel’s brain must not know that. Because this time, he can see everything.

Basil kneels over Sunny’s chest. Sunny’s face is eyeless mush. A mangle of ground meat. 

There’s a blur of motion as Hero tackles Basil against the wall.

“Kel!” he bellows. He kicks the shears across the floor. “Kelsey! Now!!”

Oh. This is where he comes in. 

Kel jerks around to stare at Hero, who’s got Basil pinned by the throat. “Wh–What?”

“Hold him!!”

“Huh???” Basil isn’t even struggling. He's just dangling there. Bleeding.

“NOW!!”

On his way across the room, Kel almost trips over something on the floor. A body. Sunny’s. But Sunny was sleeping in the living room. Why would Sunny be on Basil’s floor? 

Kel looks closer. 

Sunny’s face is red. Sunny’s hair is slicked flat and his face is all red, only red without any eyes at all. His face is torn red and he’s—moving. He’s moving. He’s awake. He’s bleeding out and he can feel it happen because he’s still awake. 

Sunny looks at Kel without any eyes. Red sputters through his teeth. “Khrrrh—”

###

Kel wakes up gasping. Scrambles for his phone before he remembers that he doesn’t have Sunny's number. Does Sunny even have a phone? Would Kel even know if he did?

He stumbles downstairs to the family desktop. Sunny’s online. Big surprise. Sunny is always online, and never answers. 

Kel is so freaked out, he almost types, ‘Hey, are you okay?’

‘Hey, Sunny! Sorry, I don’t want to stress you out, but I’m really scared. I’m really scared for you Sunny. I can’t stop feeling like something bad is going to happen. I can’t stop dreaming that something bad is going to happen. But they don’t feel like nightmares. They feel like visions. Premonitions.’

‘Hi Sunny. Long time no see, haha. Hey, weird question: are you okay? Are you hurt? Please tell me if you’re hurting but please please PLEASE don’t lie. Sometimes I get so scared you’re going to die. Are you going to die? You have to tell me if you’re—’

Kel doesn’t type any of that stuff. 

He types, snnyyyy! u up? lol

He types, cant sleep haha

He types, wanna sneak out 2 hobbeez? ;) ;) ;)

Sunny doesn’t answer. Because he lives three hours away, and because he never answers. Whatever it is that Sunny wants, it’s obviously not to go to fucking Hobbeez.

Kel types, misss u bro. gna try 2 sleep. wishme luck :/

###

When he pads downstairs, he’s met with the hissing crackle of frying eggs.

“Mo~rning!” his mom sings out. “Thought I’d make breakfast, since it’s your brother’s last day!”

Right. Hero heads back to college tomorrow. Kel knew that. “Heck yeah! Can I help?”

“Vaya, vaya! I don’t need any more mess! Oh, and your friend got home from the hospital. You should go say hi! I’m sure he’d appreciate it.”

“My—” Kel sputters, before he remembers that she couldn’t possibly be talking about Sunny. Sunny lives three hours away. “Who??”

“The little blanquito. Que siempre parece como conejito mojado.”

Well, that’s definitely not Sunny. Which means that, by ‘hospital,’ Mamá meant ‘psych ward.’ Specifically, the wing for kids who tried to murder their best friend.

Kel’s eyes unfocus a little. The last time he saw Basil, it was—

(—pinned to the wall with Hero's elbow pressed into his throat. Beads of red dripping from his fingers. Even later, blanched and bloodless on the gurney, Kel could still see the blood crusted under his—

Basil wasn’t even very badly hurt, after. It looked a lot worse than it was, but that’s just ‘cause all his wounds were on his face. It’s not like Sunny’d had any way to defend himself. Just his own two hands. At worst, the marks might have got infected from all the grime under Sunny’s unwashed nails.)

“You should go see him!” Mamá says encouragingly. “I’m sure he’d be glad to see a friend.”

…Right. That’s what Kel is. A friend.

###

Basil really is back. He’s coming to school and everything. It’s—weird.

Not bad. It’s not bad. It’s just that talking to Basil is— Um. It’s sort of like playing a videogame about talking to Basil. Like Kel is watching himself from outside-in.

It was the same after Mari. Kel couldn’t wrap his head around why she did it. He couldn’t even stand to think about why she did it. So, he didn’t. He spent months on autopilot. Controlling his body remotely, like a mech pilot or something. ‘Press A to get out of bed.’ ‘Press B to put on your clothes.’ ‘Press X to bring your brother another meal that you both know he isn’t going to eat.’

“K-Kel?” Basil says again.

“Haha, sorry! Guess I spaced out for a second. I just wanted to say that it’s, uh. You know. It’s good to have you back! And if you ever need anything—someone to talk to, or to back you up if someone’s messing with you, or whatever—just, like, let me know.”

Basil doesn’t look up. He just keeps fidgeting with his fingernails, chewing a scab on his lip that’s already started to bleed. He obviously isn’t convinced.

“Hey, c’mon!” Kel whacks him on the arm, making Basil flinch. “You know we’ve got your back. If anyone gives you a hard time, you tell them to talk to me.”

If anything, Basil looks even less convinced. “...R-Right. Um. Thank you. I’ll… do that.”

Kel has to stop himself from scowling. He’s aware that he’s fucking this up. He just doesn’t understand why.

For a few years there, Kel was pretty sure that he was a good friend, at least. If nothing else. Now it turns out he couldn’t even get that right. In the end, it’s like everything else. No matter how hard he tries, it never seems to be enough.

What is it about friendship that he isn’t getting? Isn’t being friends just, like… hanging out, and going on adventures, and having a good time and stuff? Why is everyone so determined to make it into this big exhausting thing?

###

Kel is hanging out on Sunny’s porch again. Though technically it isn’t Sunny’s porch anymore. The For Sale sign is gone, so the sale must have gone through. But no one’s actually moved in yet, so. Not like there’s anyone to kick him out.

Kel isn’t moping, if that’s what you think. Being here is just a habit. Somewhere he goes to be alone. If anyone saw him here, they’d feel too awkward to approach.

…With one obvious exception.

Aubrey stalks across the lawn with her bat slung over one shoulder. The storm brewing in the air frizzes her hair to angry spikes. As usual, she doesn’t mince words.

“Are you seriously still doing this?”

Kel buries his face in his hands. “Why are you still so mad at me?”

“Why do you think?”

Thunder rolls. Lightning rends the sky, a violent gash in the dark.

“I don’t know!!” Kel shouts, too-loud in the ensuing quiet. “That’s why I’m asking!!”

Just for a second, Aubrey’s bat lowers. “...Are you actually fucking stupid? You totally iced me out. For years. In the worst time of my life.”

“I already apologized for that!!”

“I don’t care,” Aubrey snarls. Her goodwill has officially run out. “That doesn’t do anything! I’m not gonna get any less mad until you make it make sense!!”

Kel grimaces. “It’s— It was just…”

…It’s just that she was being so awful. At home, Kel was swallowed up by the black hole of Hero’s grief. And the second he clawed his way out into the light, there was Aubrey, choking, totally coming apart. Kel just wanted to feel okay for two seconds. Was that really so much to ask?

Wasn’t it bad enough that Mari was gone? Wasn’t it enough that Sunny left with her? There were plenty of times when Kel couldn’t get away from it. When he had to lock himself in the shower to keep from breaking down. But did it really have to be all the time? Always? For every second of every day?

Kel couldn’t even laugh at a joke without feeling like a jerk. Like feeling okay for a second was an insult. (Not to Mari, obviously. Mari was like Kel: she found the fun in every moment. Mari would be thrilled to see him whoop after landing a free throw, or laugh because a butterfly landed on his juice-stained shirt. And she’d hate how Hero and Aubrey were acting. So why was Kel the only one who was wrong?)

“I gotta go,” he mutters, jerking to his feet.

Aubrey barks a cold laugh. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

You can read Kel's chapter here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43929270/chapters/123048562

Or start from the beginning: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43929270/chapters/110454879

[tf2thoughtdump]

TF2 Fic of the Day

OC Included? No.

Characters Used? Spy, color not specified.

Word Count? 753

TWs? None, should be all fine.

You're free to use any fic of mine in any form of media you make.

TL;DR: Reader just came from a failed interview for a new office job, but unfortunately it started raining and they didn’t bring an umbrella, as it was previously sunny. Cue, reader getting absolutely soaked and Spy using his absolute French rizz (I hate myself). Anyways, look out for my comma obsession. I went crazy this time.

I made up my own name for Spy on this one.

Mini-French glossary for Spy at the bottom. Readers gender is not specifically stated(from what I know, feel free to correct me) but written to be wearing heels, so do with that what you wish.

Of course. It had to rain. You just left your interview, which went as smoothly as it could, and now it’s RAINING. And why would you have an umbrella with you? Because it always seems like you’re the target of bad luck! Sighing, you rush out into the rain and down the street towards your apartment, which was a little ways from the office building. You tried your best not to run though, since you had heels on and… it was wet. Obviously. Why couldn’t things just go your way for once?

You sighed as you stepped to the crosswalk next to a man under an umbrella. Cars passed and you watched as the man pressed the button, “Wait.” Yeah, no shit, what else am I gonna do?

You shivered, watching car after car drive past. Noticing your wet clothes, the stranger next to you shifted closer as he moved his umbrella to his left hand. The rain stopped above you in a soft pattern of thumps on the fabric. “Thank you..” You muttered to the man, noticing now his greying, slicked-back hair. He nodded, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth. “Do not mention it, chérie. I’m pleased to help.” He responded in his thick, French accent as he walked you across once the stupid, automated voice had let you know. Such a gentleman! Is what you would’ve thought if the man’s cigarette wasn’t fighting with his cologne to assault your senses. You looked down at his suit, raising a brow. So fancy… “What’s the suit for? Interview?” “No, just my fashion.” You noticed that as you continued walking down the direction towards your apartment, he followed to keep you under the umbrella.

He turned his head to examine your outfit. A professional looking, button up tucked into a pair of black pants. “Did you come from an interview?” Oh Jesus. You sighed and leaned your head back slightly in annoyance. “Yeah, but… it didn’t go as well as I thought it was. I made a total ass of myself! I’m SO fucking embarrassed. And I’m living in a crappy apartment with a noisy neighbor so that screwed up my morning.” You immediately began, before shutting yourself up when you realized you were saying too much. He just wanted to know if you came from an interview, not your whole life’s story. “Sorry.. just pissed today.” “Nonsense. You deserve to be mad. I bet you that company will go down in flames without you, mon cher.”

You raised a brow at this, unsure of how to respond before a laugh creeped up on your lips. “You think so, huh? I guess they did lose the chance of a damn good employee.” You said proudly, while nearing your apartment. It was nice having someone do something like this for you.. a shame it had to come to an end. A sigh escaped your lips as you walked up your steps, the man still following you as the entrance to your complex didn’t have an awning over the door. “Well… thanks for walking with me. I’d give you a hug but I don’t want to get your fancy suit wet.” You said softly with a smile before shaking off your hand and holding it out. It took him a minute, but a gloved hand met yours as the gentlemen brought it up to his lips and placed a kiss to it. Your eyes widened, and your smile did too. “It was lovely being in the presence of such a beautiful creature. Prends soin de toi.”

“U-uh.. y-yeah! You-..you too.” You fumbled while reaching back to open the door, failing in the process before finally grabbing the hold of the handle and walking in. You turned around momentarily and watched as the man lumbered off, his cigarette back in his mouth and his umbrella leaning on his shoulder. You sighed softly before cleaning your hand, feeling something crumple. Looking down…

Did he slip you an extra cigarette?

Wait. You turned it slightly, noticing something written in sharpie.

DID HE JUST SLIP YOU HIS PHONE NUMBER?!

Never once in your life did you think a man could get even more dreamy than he already was. When the hell did he have the time to give you his number?

‘xxx-xxx-xxxx - jacque laurent’

Jacque? How sophisticated, you thought.

How….

French.

You tested the name on your lips in a small murmur and it felt like an hour you stared at that paper, contemplating the name.

…

Yeah, you could moan it.

Glossary:

Chérie - Dear

Mon cher - My dear

Prends soin de toi - Take care of yourself

[resident-gay-bitch]

Ok I have so many prongsfoot thoughts but I just thought of a fairly canon compliant AU where they get together in Hogwarts:

Sirius is the first to acknowledge his feelings for James as non-platonic. He’d hide it for a while because he’s content with having whatever part of James he can get

James is blissfully unaware and continues to pursue girls. Lily rejects him in fifth year and later on, Sirius moves in with him after running away. All this extra time together causes him to slowly become aware of his not so platonic feelings for Sirius

I think the tipping point would be in their sixth or seventh year when Sirius has a fling with another guy and James just can’t help but meddle and say things like “oh I don’t like him padfoot he’s a git” “he’s not good enough for you” etc. So Sirius is obviously pissed off and asks him “why do you care” and James’ feelings just come tumbling out lmao

Okay THIS! Yesssss oh my gosh I can totally see this happening in cannon it just makes sense. Like, Sirius surpressing and taking what he can get and James just hopping along through life completely oblivious.

And of course once James figures it out he wouldn’t be able to keep it in. If we have his feelings for Lily to go by, James would be trying so hard not to throw his feelings for Sirius out into the world but he’d be so bad at keeping them to himself. He’d struggle. But because they’re best friends Sirius just doesn’t pickup on it because he’s blind to his own feelings.

And then the moment Sirius shows interest in someone new, especially a bloke, James’ jealousy would go haywire. It would be rude comments and snark remarks, he’d be looking on the marauders map for them and interrupting their closet make outs, he’d be pranking the bloke all the time like covering him in goo and putting dung bombs in his pockets and just making him as undesirable to Sirius as possible.

Sirius would get so mad so fast and approach James, yelling about it, “Why are you doing this?! I thought I could trust you!? If you’re just gonna be a homophobic git than you can get fucked!!”

And that’s where it would all come out, “A homophobic git?! A homophobic fucking git?! I’ll have you know I’m quite the fucking opposite you piece of shit!”

“What the fuck are you talking about, James?!”

“I’m queer too, you git!”

“Well than what’s your issue with him?! Why aren’t you happy I’m finally with a bloke?!”

“Cause the bloke is not fucking me!”

“Oooohhh.” Sirius would laugh quite manically at that, “You seriously, out of all the blokes in Hogwarts, want to fuck the one guy I’ve managed to grab for myself? You’re a fucking cunt, James.”

“What?!”

“Come on! I know he and I aren’t anything serious but you can’t just snatch him away from me!”

“What? No!” James would huff and grab onto Sirius’ shoulders, “I want to snatch you away from him, you big idiot!”

“What?” Sirius would mumble, and then James would roll his eyes and pull Sirius into a big fat kiss. And then once all the dots connect in his head he’d melt and mumble, “Oh.” Into the kiss before grabbing onto James and-

Okay, you get it. Basically, I agree! Hope you enjoyed the very mini fic I had no intention of writing though. Seriously it just came out of me.

And thank you for your ask, I enjoyed reading it and spinning it to life in my head very much. Don’t hesitate to share more of your thoughts about them!!! I love them so much!!

[erasawordsmithofsorts]

this is a really long post and you dont have to read it, its more of a word vomit towards the end but its really detailing my experiences with 5sos c: (its kind of sad but it means a lot to me that i finally put this into words)

i love 5sos. like a lot more than i could put into words. i have such a long and extensive history with this band that its just so much, like.

ive been a fan of 5sos since july 15th, 2014. i was 5/6 years old sitting on the front porch of my grandma's house with this girl i was friends with. she showed me some of their songs and i was in love. i didnt stop listening to them for years, they were my everything. idols, best friends, family, everything. and the only reason i stopped listening to them ever is because of some really heavy traumatic events that happened to me when i was 8-10 years old.

fast forward a few years, i start dating this guy. this guy really liked 5sos, he got me back into 5sos. my brain was so traumatized, it blocked out most of my memories with this band, with the fans of this band, etc. and him getting me to listen to their entire discography? yeah that brought them flooding back.

yet i still stayed, with him and the band again. this guy became really toxic. we argued every night, he blatantly ignored my needs, he got mad at me for getting more 5sos streams than him, he made fun of me for only listening to their old stuff. he acted like i hadnt told him, "hey, some really fucked up things happened to me in 2014-2016 and i forgot pretty much everything from those years so i kind of obsess over them"

but me and this guy were ldr, my mom took my phone, i texted him through a friends' phone. he starts cheating on me. i come back, my mom is having heart surgery, and he tells me i have to break up with him. so i do.

i break up with him, i go through the shit, i get pissed off, i get upset, i cry. i cry a LOT. and for a bit i didnt listen to 5sos. and then i get back into 5sos, because im not gonna change who i am at my very core because some idiot guy who was 'there first' made it about him. i'll make it about me again, i will obsess over it, i will go back to being six years old crying on the front porch with my best friend. i will go back to being a kid who didnt know why people didnt like her.

and i did. im back there, im who six year old me dreamed of being. sure, i have my days where the only thing i can do is cry and try not to hurl myself down a flight of stairs, but im still here arent i? ive made it to the age i always dreamed about being, havent i? im still absolutely in love with the same exact bands, the same exact places, the same exact aesthetics.

5sos is why im me, like that is such a beautiful and poetic thing to me. im still here because of a band, im still here because some guys that at the time were across the world gave me some motivation to keep going? of course im gonna love them. of course im gonna advertise the shit out of them. of course im gonna know every detail i possibly can about them.

like, i mean yeah, i took a little break. but i was forced to by my own brain. and even then, what helped me start healing form that trauma? 5sos. what helped me start healing from that breakup? 5sos.

tw for s/h + suicidal stuff under the cut! its nothing bad bad, just mentions attempts and stuff but its talking about getting better :3 tl;dr in bottom of the cut!

its so weird to say that "this guy who doesnt even know i exist, saved my life" but its true sometimes. like i was in such a bad place when i was younger that i couldnt function. yearly, i was being checked into psych wards. they never helped. i tried therapy, i tried medication. nothing worked.

and then 5sos came back into my life and i finally felt whole again. i finally felt like i was me again. i had been self harming since i was in the third grade, and once you cope like that for so long, its really hard to stop.

but i finally made the decision to get clean, i finally said "enough is enough, i dont want to be like this anymore. i wanna live and be healthy, i wanna live and be happy, i wanna wear shorts, i wanna wear skirts, i wanna wear short sleeves and tanks, i want to wear dresses without sleeves that show my thighs a little. and would ashton or luke or michael or calum really want me to do this to myself? no, no they wouldnt, get your shit together era." and so i did? i got it together, i made my life work. i started looking for the good again, i started behaving like a little kid that knew no bounds again, i started acting my age. i started loving me again. and thats powerful? thats metal as fuck.

the app that i use to track my clean streak has a section for "reasons to stay clean" i have pictures of my friends, my animals, and most importantly, the guys that finally inspired me to pick myself up off the floor and put myself back together.

because i did, i really had to scrounge up the broken pieces. i really had to dig deep and try and piece them back together. and it took work, and im still working on it. and even though ive been clean from s/h for three months, the urges are still there and every time theres just that little voice in my head that takes on ashton's that goes "hey dont, its not the right way." and every time i feel like the world is over, like i dont have anything else, it's always just a reminder.

there will be something else, no matter what theres gonna be something else. no matter what, the suns gonna rise again. no matter what, something good will come of all your pain, all your struggles, all your heartbreak, all the tears. the sleepless nights, the trauma, the guilt, the anger, the fear, the sadness, all of it. it means youre human, it means youre alive. it means good things are gonna happen, you just gotta wait for it. you gotta pick yourself up and keep going. keep fighting, keep running, keep walking. hell if you have to, keep crawling. keep crawling while youre crying. dont look back, youre not going that way. think of how far your faves have come, think of how your younger self wants to know what theyre gonna grow up to be. think.

its not over, it will never be over. pain is human, youre human. youre experiencing life as it was meant to be experienced, its okay to have off days.

tl;dr 5sos + me have been together since i was six and ashton irwin has quite literally kept me alive and from destroying myself mentally and physically for nearly ten years. cool beans bro

[rennsdeaddoves]

journey to the west book one, thoughts

so this post is going to be really messy and jumbled, i will take my thoughts one chapter at a time. since this post contains all the chapters in book one imma but everything under the cut and warn ya'll that this is HELLA long.

ok so, before we get into it i just wanna let you guy's know that if the first 13 chapters seem like they have less it's because i only really started to do this on chapter 14 and had to go back through chapters 1 - 13 and look at the notes and tabes i left to gage my reaction to them. some of them have a bit more than others and some have like none at all.

that being said enjoy the absolute crack house that is my no cotext thoughts of Journey to the West volume one!

Chapter 1

monkey is born!!

and he's already being impulsive...

calling him the handsome monkey king is gonna go straight to his head

lier! you are a certified shit disturber and you know it!

ohhhhh so thats how he got the name Sun Wukong, gotcha gotcha

Chapter 2

the dao art seems real complex

love how they casually have the way to immortality written in this book lol

teaching a suicidaly impulsive monkey how to shape shift and fly wasn't a bad idea at all!

he's showing off- of course he is-

aaaaaand he got kicked out for showing off! idiot-

oh damn- thats actually sadder than i thought it would be...

HE CALLS THEM LITTLE ONES!!! CUUUTE!!!!

HOW DARE!?!?!

Chapter 3

holy hell....

op much???

not a monkey scaring a dragon ffs

he is just a menace this entire page! LAMO

GOD DAMN-

THEY WANT HIM OUT SO FUCKING BAD XDDDD

bruh-

ooooooop foreshadowing alert

THATS BULLSHIT!! THEIR EXAGERATING THE HELL OUT OF IT!!!

oh- oh he really fucked up the life and death cycles- damn...

smart!!!!

he was thinking of paying a visit to heaven himself?? without an invite?? oh- that would not have ended well-

Chapter 4

here we go! first rampage through heaven!!

deva

NEZHA!!!!

ITS GIVING "who's this sassy lost kid?" VIBES XD

Chapter 5

does he not have a reputation yet???

Wukong is in so much fucking trouble oh god....

idiot

going to war over wine is a very Wukong thing to do-

Chapter 6

when did Nezha get here?

shapeshifter duels man... they be confusing af

oop he got caught-

Chapter 7

they seem to have forgotten what the meaning of immortal is

oop- he's being refered to as a monster instead of a king by the narrator- thats how you know he's pissed beyond all belief...

OH HES MAD MAD

HOLY FUCK

"i have to go exorcise a demon to defend the throne." pg 193

"he ligit just wrote "sun wukong was here" oh the fucking finger lmao

man... calling the banquet that is just salt in the wound.... really it is...

Chapter 8

sandy's got green skin, red hair, noted

it's pigsy -n-

he flirted with Chang'e..... this bitch

i already can't fucking stand him

Chapter 9

so he does have parents! lets see if they ever pop up again-

WHAT!?!?! WHY!?!!

Chapter 10

i didn't take in a sing thing that this chapter sad.... why is it even here-

Chapter 11

no thoughts head empty, why are we still on this? is there any plot relevance or???

Chapter 12

awwww their cute

good for him, coming from such humble beginnings

wow- ok thats kinda a really great honour to be called brother by the emperor

Chapter 13

lots of scenery! neat!

wft....

oop divine intervention o'clock

abuse???? hello??? what the actual fuck sir???

COWARD!!!

i am going to get so sick of him so quickly....

WUKONG!?!?!?!!!!! YER BACK!!!!!! YEEEEEAHHHHHHHHH

Chapter 14

wukong- bud... YOUR FUCKING FILTHY

yell that your not lying makes you less believable

HE'S NAKED?!?! OFC HE IS

brutal.... nice

ight show off, keep rambling about the shit you can do.

gay? /j but fr- i get that a naked monkey coming to your door may be a cause for concern but there was no reason to disrespect him like that-

he has a son??? when???

gross man- like i get you were trapped under a mountain- but gross

brutal... nice

EXCUSE YOU WHAT?!?! NAH, NAH HE DID NOT

A FEW WORDS?!?! FAM YOU READ HIM FOR A WHOLE PARAGRAPH SHUT YOUR MOUTH

thats not teaching tripitaka- a lecture is NOT teaching

GUAINYIN IS HERE!!! oh... Guanyin is here...

oh... fuck...

why is his name just 'Pilgrim' like i get it but i also don't... idk

oh he's gonna do it out of spite now for being called a bogus immortal by the dragon king

that entire painting is just of two gay lovers putting on shoes and getting immortality for it

well, he actually is really convincing, i can see why Wukong went back after those words...

yeah i'd be taken aback too bud

.......YOU COULD FINISH THE JOURNEY RN.... but he won't, that defeats the entire porpoise of it all

THIS BITCH!!!! I WILL ACTUALLY KILL HIM

HE ONLY STOPPED CAUSE I WAS AFRIAD THE FILLET WOULD BREAK

ON GOD I WILL THROW HANDS WITH A MONK I WILL

HE STARTED UP AGAIN?!??!!? STOP!!!!

OH OH! so you stop when you see how the pain is LITTERALLY TEARING HIS BODY APART! fuck you

HE ACTUALLY TRIED TO KILL HIM!?!?!?!? oh my god- i mean.... jesus.....

yes. its a great idea to go to the south sea and beat up the goddess who did this to you... super smart /s

all thoughts of disobedience and rebellion? no shot

Chapter 15

ah yes, lets start the chapter with Wukong hauling ass to save Tripitaka

Jesus them some powerful eyes

omg SHUT UP

YES YELL AT HIM WUKONG!!!

namby-pamby??

lawless lizard XD

harsh

they talk about him like he's not the son of a dragon king...

OH SHES PISSED AT HIM

so he's called 'third prince Jade dragon' gotcha

he's a fucking idiot

why are you being such a baby all of a sudden??

neat, he got the get out of danger free leaves now

if Rue had been in this part of the journey she would have been pretty interested in that

plot armour be like-

impressive

more divine intervention! oh my god-

so now it's early spring. jesus that means its almost been a year

Chapter 16

i don't know wether to be annoyed or what- were only a page into this chapter

"he may be ugly" BITCH WHAT

yeah... ight... i'd be annoyed with him too

somesones butt hurt that hes oooooold~

everyone is starting to get on my nerves like jesus-

wow the murder plots are real

he askin' for favours like he didn't just beat their asses 500 years ago

he's a little arsonist

LMAO UNO REVERSE BITCH

damn- he's already on shockingly good terms with him

HE SAVED YOU AND YOUR GONING TO PUNISH HIM FOR IT!?!?!

I'M GOING TO THROW HANDS WITH A MONK ISTG

and after all that your response is still murder??? really????

goddman.... he so mad he defiled a corpse- that wasn't very buddhist of you tripitaka

Chapter 17

not tripitaka using wukongs temper against others-

jesus christ man

"thunder god mouth" XDDD best way to describe it 10/10

THE THREATS

XDD the arrogance!! he called the demon "my son" before starting a lecture XDD

he gets annoyed when people call him the BanHorsePlague now, thats so fucking funny to me

he's so real for that though, i'd wanna eat in the middle of a fight too

he is actually a menace to humans goddamn

HE REDUCED THE DEMON TO A BURGER

love how their calling him 'old carcass'

there is a lot of seemingly nice senery in this chapter

how'd they know all of that just by seeing a goddamn meat patty on the side of the road???

this is gonna be a pattern isn't it-

conversations with these two go no where but damn they do be giving me L O R E

he's being so nice now lmao

wft....

ok *fine* she gets a pass but jesus

GRAPHIC

jesus wukong

HA got'em

"don't start trouble again" "i won't" LIES

Chapter 18

oooooh this is the pigsy chapter!!! i can't wait to see some ass be beat!

i- i don't think i like these people...

Wukong really just said don't judge a book by it's cover

why does he always say "your poor monk" it's grinding my gears

"tell me everything!" .... "from ancient times-"

his surmname meant hog....

i can only picture that one manga panel in jjk where Yuta is dragging Yuji along lmao

ancient toilet humour?

"where are you going darling" he says as he returns to his original form

love that wukong is described and then called "virtually a living thunder god"

"i'll follow you to the ends of the earth" (menacingly)

Chapter 19

why do they all have caves?

it is pigsy

damn- Wukong's reading him

are they really throwing celestial law at one another??

he's bragging... really?

ah yes, a summary of the first seven chapters

he really said set your house on fire and follow me

man's really stripped him of all he was worth and then dragged him by the ear... he's like a mom...

HE'S REFERED TO AS IDIOT! oh this just got so much better

lmao both of them going "wine? oh we still drink that"

Wukong admitted to being a light weight XD

pigsy, trying to say a heart felt goodbye, the other two; hurry the fuck up

"you know him and not me? what kind of fuckery is this?"

"he insulted me and the pig?!" "how?" *proceeds to tell tripitaka exactly how he and pigsy were insulted*

Chapter 20

just by the title alone i know imma start to have beef with pigsy

they still call him idiot! YES

it's pigsy getting bullied hours!!!

that- that was a very round about way of calling him a dick Wukong

annnnnd he's boasting again...

huh? flying bricks, talking pots, and dancing tiles... interesting...

this old man has balls

"fix your ugliness" DUUUUUDE

i'm about to highlight each and every time Pigsy is refered to as Idiot! shits too funny!

ahhhhh pigsy's first kill steal!

OH SHIT NVM

dude just ripped off his own skin! what a power move!

jesus-

and we get to the first time tripitaka is truely captured!

"for you culinary pleasure" XDDDD why is that so funny?

this guy's actually quite smart for that

damn...

good wisdom wukong

i love how wukong is so often describes as "the one with the thunder god mouth and hairy face"

he's got a good sense to be this scared of him

monkey-monk?? (why is that so funny to me???)

he just told wukong he was a 'buy one get one free sale'!! AND HE'S THE FREE BIT XDDDDDD

KILL STEAL!!! +1 for butality, pigsy's score is now -99 points!

Wukong actually let him have credit for the kill? goddamn- is that character growth i see?

Chapter 21

no he does not!

Aqua man?????

Really?? *face palms*

why does he insist on calling himself grandpa?

is he about to disapline him like a grandpa too??

Coward

the divine wind of Samādhi? like the Samādhi fire? NEAT!!!

more divine intervention i see

the trend of calling pigsy an idiot continues and i am thriving in this enviornment

can he be any less annoying?

*crybaby beings to play on loop in my head*

idiot

it was the fucking gold star of venus

very humble wukong

lawless ape! XDDD

love that offending the great sage is quite possibly a crime punishable by death now

Chapter 22

its sandy time!!!

wouldn't that be qualifies as an inland sea?!

i don't know how to feel about that entire passage

cloud surfing lessons

he called Wukong his assistant- oh boy if he had heard that...

he can be there in half an hour?! wild...

sandy is aquired

Chapter 23

still love that his nickname is practically idiot

please- stop refering to your staff as a rod- i can't take reading "you'll get a ___ from this Huge Rod!" anymore T-T

you fucking idiots- your banter has now left the master stranded and he's gonna get captured by demons!

serves you right

Wu kong being so shocked he actually acted poliet?

Unreal and nonexisting- well those are some red falgs if i've ever seen em in this book

SHIT JUST GOT SO MUCH FUNNIER OMFG

she just keeps going!? dude- please- how can someone have so much

omg- this is all a test of character isn't it...

tripitaka; wukong you stay! Wukong; the fuck you mean me!? make pigsy stay

the entier latter half of this page pisses me off. fuck you pigsy

OH EW! SEVEAR ICK- GROSS

I FUCKING HATE YOU YOU GREEDY WHORE

I KNEW IT WAS A TEST OF CHARACTER!!!!!! I WAS RIGHT!!!!

Chapter 24

serves him fucking right

i agree with Wukong, leave the pig and go

holy hell they haven't even covered one tenth of the distance yet?

this is the chapter that that one monkey king animated movie was about.

to cowardly to do it himself so he's gotta wait for Wukong lmao

thus begins an entire two-ish pages of Wukong stealing fruit again

Wukong makes me nevious frfr

if it were so embarissing maybe you shouldn't have done it in the first place

Chapter 25

wukong.... buddy.... no.....

good plan boy's

dude can pick (break?) locks.... good to know

why do you fight first and ask questions later....

he escaped thrice, got catpured thrice, kept playing tricks..... dude just wouldn't fucking stop....

[supercriminalbean]

Things that made me insane during criminal minds evolution:

Written while I watched so enjoy my bumbling mess. Spoiler alert of course.

Episode 9:

Ahhhhh. Here we go. Preview I scared.

Krystal death 😭😭 my poor little baby please don't cry.

Emily holding him I never realized could hurt me so much.

ROSSI get the fuck out please.

Holy fuck he read his book

Dave knows ahhhhh.

They know his name!!!!!

No one better end up in witness protection this time.

HOLY FUCK HE WALKED INTO THE FBI THST COCKY SON OF A BITCH.

I know this season hasny been the best but I personally like the story line and enjoy that it's only one main case. We will see if that's still the case at tge end of this episode.

Rossi looks pisseddddd.

May 2022...

Tara oooh Rebecca.

Tara watching her is so cute oh thier moment

Tara lewis opening up ahhh I love themmmmm. I hate this it hurts.

They fucking better open up the case.

Rebecca thank youuu.

Darling 😭😭

That's not good writing like come on are we just suppose to be cool after that?

I hate but love the fact Ellias knows how to plays. But fuck baby you read his boookssss ahhhh.

Rossi is hot he knows. And ellias your practically telling him who you are your not dumb your doing it on purpose ughhh.

Holy shit my watch was going on because apparently my heart had dropped really low haha opps.

Constantly battle thoes two it's making my daddy and brother issues go off.

Don't Dave him.

I always go the distance Elias. *Rossi signature smirk 🥵😍)

Penelope that's okay and everyone stares. Ughh baby don't look so excited.

Okay but um Luke smile at how excite Penelope is...it hurts.

Ewwww Tyler gross. I don't want to talk about it but ugh the way Garcia look at him and the way he smirked at her ugh.

Okay but Will hello. I know it's er wrong but he looking mighty fine today sir.

JJ goes straight to Will side.

NO NO NO. OKAY NO. like I'm so excited the Will is working with the team but um...I SWEAR IF THEY KILL HIM OFF IMMA FUCK UP A BITCH.

Tyler Green what the hell. Ugh.

Luke looks so angry tho huh.

Tyler what are you hiding.

Garcia what are you up to.

Tyler your an ass.

Garcia you desever better.

Ellias ugh your an asshole okay.

Um huh the voice message.

Dave that's weird text her please.

FUCK YOU TYLER GREEN.

2006 aww. Tyler we get it but fuck you for using my girl.

Sydney your a mood.

Daveeee. Why am I attracted to old rich men that kill. I need therapy.

I love Dave.

I fuckin hate Ellias.

Emily stands by her team.

Fuck you Ellias.

I feel like somethings bad gonna happen.

I wonder what season 17 Is gonna be like.

Luke... I'm nevours for this.

Luke knows!!!

HIS REACTION IS THE BESTTTTT.

okay PENELOPE SHUT UP!! PLEASE. Not in front of Luke.

You sure know how to pick em...ouch.

Ughhh. I was hoping with the messy comment we were getting into thier love life.

Luke tho is mood. Like I don't know how to explain but thos scene is great. *cough* would of been better if Luke shut her up with a "we would of been better" or even a kiss *cough*

I'm mad at Garcia like alot.

Rossi please don't be stupid.

Rossi do not fall for it. Rossi don't do .

Haha he knows. The way he said shit was hot. I love that man.

The look he gave him when he talked about the podcast I can't not breath 😂😂

The thick swallow on killing them

Okayyyu but why did Dave say "oooh that's a yess" that's the way he use to only speak to his team.

Devolution. Evolution.

UNSUB DAVE UNSUB DAVE UNSUB DAVE. PLEASEEE.

I can not watch this. Don't hurt my lover.

Fuck you Voit.

You don't desever happiness dickhead.

Mm I wanna tie Dave up to.

Stop hurting my baby.

Tyler you better turn up.

Oh shit um hi lol.

At least the team is on thier way.

Oh shit Prentiss is pissed.

Ooh DC metro okay.

Okay Rossi calm it 😂😂 your a dumbass and you need therapy.

Why you want to help 😂 yes yes I do please.

Criminal minds is fucked.

Will is going to die ain't he... or JJ

Ugh Penelope pity party I get is cos toxic men I akwaysvfall for them. But um Luke's hand on her shoulder. This really is like he's trying to replace Morgan this episode it's weird.

JJ and Will tho awww.

Spit on me.

Okay I looked away from the screen for TWO SECONDS and all I saw was green and legit though Elle greenway had show up and was like woah plot twist.

Tyler Green is here. Yay.

Rossi is terrifed oh my heart.....

SHOOT HIM TYLER.

Nooo Tyler

Rossi ahhhhhhhh

I screamed IM SCREAMING SCREAMING. HOLY SHIT. DINNER DINNER DINNER DATE FUCKKKKK. GUYSSS ITS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!

The nevours, they both looks so cute and young and nevours.

The way she looks at him.

Thoes two omg haha.

Thoes two opening up, my heart is mot sure how to react at all.

Ugh wow I wanted all season for them to break my heart...please they so have chemisty.

I will respect it while I hold my cat and hope they realsie they are both madly in love thank you.

Just stay with me. Oh my heart.

Penelope desever to be happy even if it's not with Luke. But it'd not with Tyler I'm sorry but no.

Rebecca took Tara hand AWWWW.

Stop hurting my love.

Ughh hands off.

Dave called him Lee. And I oopps.

Nooo don't kill my lover. I will cry.

Go kill your own family not mine, dumbass.

Live stream...oh shit..

Okay him screaming for help aboustley and utterly FUCKING hurts.

Dave....

[teethandclawsxx]

waow this one got long. readmore to spare peoples dashes lmao.

man. i cant even begin to describe how absolutely fucked of a person my mom is. like. genuinely. but at the very least i can say it is probably a little bit fucked to like. idk. decide to give your adult child a smaller portion of food than everyone else gets bc hes disabled and cant contribute as much as you want him to. like i get. not having enough food for everyone to fill their bellies. i understand the reality we live in. but idk i just cant help but feel its a little fucked to eat the food that was specifically bought for everyone. especially when i specifically say "yeah i have some left i was saving". like yeahhh maybe she just got hungry. i get that. but i cant help feeling like she did it on purpose bc she hates me. bc. lets be clear. whether it was a motivating factor here or not, she DOES hate me, and of course if i try to bring it up to her she will either just vaguely apologize or say she didnt hear me. she doesnt like. give a fuck. and thats the other thing she truly doesnt give a fuck. about like. anything i think. if she wasnt so fucking awful to me i would feel bad. someone else can feel bad for her i guess. but like my sister has said she cant even talk to our mom at this point. as in. literally. every time she tries our mom just. acts like she doesnt hear. even i have to say things to her several times usually before she responds. and then she just says whatever she thinks will end the conversation then forgets about it. so she ends up apologizing to me for something but then she tells dad later that it was my fault and so he gets mad at me about it and im just like ? but mom agreed she was at fault ? this is what happened. and then he just gets madder obviously and goes off on his own tangent about how he can never be right and always has to be the bad guy.... or shell just. make conflicting promises. like recently our dishes schedule got changed temporarily and i went to change it back and then i guess mom changed it back to the temporary arrangement (which had me on dishes more days than we had agreed to, and the agreement included me doing my parents laundry and i have been doing that.) so i talked to her about it and was like hey. we agreed on this for these reasons and with these terms. if you want to change it now we can talk about it but this is what you agreed to and we are gonna have to rework the arrangement. so then because she just wanted the conversation to be over she told me to go ahead and change it back AGAIN, to the original agreement (because talking about who does what chores is too much of a conflict for her i guess. even though i could tell she clearly wanted to just tell me to go fuck myself and do all the chores forever since i dont have money for bills, but i literally physically cant because of the disabilities...) and THEN dad got pissed at me because he thought (whether he assumed or she told him idk...) that i had changed it back without permission, so ultimately he set up an new dishes schedule that met everyones needs and wrote across it DO NOT CHANGE WITHOUT TALKING TO EVERYONE. and its gonna be so funny when mom is the one to do so, because she is ALWAYS the one to change things without telling people. which is why i had even suggested the plan of having a regular dishes SCHEDULE so it could be looked at in advance and changed if need be with plenty of time to tell people. but she just. doesnt. care. anyway im done now i just spent like 30 minutes straight typing this and thats far too much of my life wasted thinking about this woman. tldr. im hungry and im so sick and fucking tired of it. but whats new amiright.

[lunar-fey]

vent or whatever.

when y. when you dont get to eat dinner bc youre broke bc youre disabled and cant hold a job and your parents buy your food but they dont believe in things like "digestive disorders" or "dietary needs" so they basically tell you to either eat something that will make you sick or not eat at all bc they cant go to 3 different places to pick up food and skerples already cant eat the food everyone else eats (autism). and then they get mad at YOU when youre like okay. guess i will not eat then. because they are like ogh youre just being mean because you hate me stip trying to be special and eat it even though it makes you sick like the rest of us >:( like SORRY id rather not eat at all than eat something that will make me throw up. (me and dad have had extended arguments over this. he truly cannot understand this concept and thinks that everyone should eat things that they hate or that make them sick because its food and no one should ever be allowed to like. customize their food or get something else))

they did get me like some potatoes but 1. its like. 3 bites worth (none of us knew it would be that small) and it also tastes awful (i really didnt want to get anything but again they got really pissed at me for saying i just wouldnt eat then (not even like. in a passive agressive way i was just like. uhhh well i think im too sick to eat any of this. itll be fine) and looked like they were gonna cry about me not getting food. like idk but if you care that much about me eating then maybe stop picking the same 2 fast food places that you KNOW and have known for years that i cant eat at. maybe then you wouldnt have to feel bad or whatever. or maybe the real issue is just that you WANT to feel wronged by me + a refusal to accept that people can be sick for their whole lives bc you have been sick for your whole life but refuse to accept it. mom literally cant work and is on ssi bc of her disabilities but also disabilities arent real and no on has them and everyone can just try hard enough to overcome their symptoms. except her of course, because shes your wife. but fuck those kids tho. no matter how old they get they are still too young to have any type of medical problem, because kids are immune to medical problems and adults can simply will them away.)

anyway this time it was taco bell but also just because i want to get this off my chest too im adding it. normally they get like burgers and i can only tolerate mcdonalds burgers and bk to an extent (as far as wjats availble here. i knos everyone hates mcd burgers but they dont upset my stomach like everything else. idk why. they dont taste like a burger but whatever they do taste like is good to me. mostly i think they just taste like salt) and the sheer RAGE dad flies into every SINGLE time he asks what i want and i say i want a cheeseburger with no mustard. he LOOSES HIS SHIT. EVERY SINGLE TIME HE YELLS AT ME FOR IT. im like sorry man but if its got mustard im not gonna eat it. its disgusting. i dont want you to waste money on food im not going to eat. and he gets SO MAD. he doesnt WANT to save money; he wants me to be the perfect little military brat he tried to raise me as who never speaks unless spoken to or asks questions and does as hes told and eats disgusting slop and vomits and says thank you sir. can i please have more sir. and it AINT ME.

anyway if you wanted to know why im bad at starting conversations and you read this far uh. now you know. the ability to speak to someone else first got beaten out of me its not even anxiety i get so scared of getting introuble for starting a conversation that i black out and forget every single interest ive ever had. BUT if someone else starts for me im okay <3

[eagerbby]

ʙᴏᴏ? - ᴇ.ᴍ

pairing| Eddie Munson x female reader

synopsis| It was supposed to be a joke, payback, revenge, until it spiraled completely out of control. Just your luck.

an| inspired by the prompt "I hid in your closet to scare you as a joke but when you came in you started masturbating and I can't just get up and leave but if I get caught in your closet you'll think I'm a pervert I regret my life choices" from here. my brainrot is thriving.

warnings| 3k, masturbating (m), reader being a perv obvi, illusions to sex, 18+ folks

part 2

It escalated quickly; too quickly to even process what you were doing, and what you were doing wasn’t even a good idea to begin with, but it was the only thing you could think of. 

The Hellfire Club was currently in the midst of a rather heated prank war, started of course by their relentless leader himself, and you had slowly been dragged into the cruel web he had begun to weave three weeks ago. 

It was annoying at first, Eddie jump scaring you every chance he could. Jumping out from behind the cafeteria doors, slamming his hand against the locker next to yours while you were in deep thought digging through your own locker, or four days ago when he hid in the backseat of your car only to reveal himself once you’d hit five over the speed limit on the main road home; you almost crashed your car that day because of him. 

He was a menace and although the other guys had it much worse than you, Eddie seemed to take more pleasure from simply spooking you. But at least it wasn’t shaving cream in your book bag like poor Gareth or when he stole the chains off Mike and Dustin’s bikes before school ended leaving them stranded -although he did give them a ride home after they got down and praised King Eddie- in hindsight you were getting off pretty easy in comparison.

But still, that last prank got to you, the seriousness of almost wrecking had scared you shitless. Enough that you had to pull over on the side of the road, trying not to break down in front of him. He had felt bad, you could see it on his face as he tumbled into the front seat and begged you to not cry, but you were just so mad you kicked him out of your car and drove off.

That’s how your little plan came to fruition. You skipped your last period just to make sure you’d beat him to his cozy little trailer on the outskirts of town, greeting his uncle Wayne as you ducked under his arm and into the living room. 

“Whatcha doin’, kiddo?” He asked, blue eyes narrowed in amusement. 

“Gonna scare the shit outta your devious little shit of a nephew.” You say simply as you fill a glass with cold water from the tap. 

Wayne catches the wild glint in your eye, the mirror image of the one his nephew harbors in his own big brown ones. The older man could only shake his head, muted blue eyes dancing with amusement as he said..

“Give him hell, dollface.” Before he’s headed down the porch steps to his beat up Chevy truck. 

Which brings you to right now, stuffed tight in Eddie’s messy closet, the fake fur of his creepy Alf costume tickling the back of your neck, your heart thudding loudly in your chest when you finally hear the loud wail of metal and the screeching of tires against gravel. 

There isn’t much to your plan here other than jump out and make him scream. Make him regret fucking with you so hard the past three weeks. You’ve been giving him the cold shoulder since you both almost died -he’s lucky you had just got your brakes changed, a week earlier and you both would have been seriously hurt- which meant he wouldn’t be expecting your revenge, instead thinking you were still pissed. Which you kinda were, but he didn’t make it easy. He’d been groveling nonstop since it happened, bringing you little presents in hopes you’d forgive him, and you had but you still wanted revenge.

You hear him as he bounds up the steps, humming to himself, he slings the front door open followed by the sound of the lock clicking in place. Your fingers tremble in anticipation, adrenaline bleeding heavily from your pores. It’s unbearably stuffy in his little closet, sweat beading on your forehead and between your breasts, and the only light comes from a crack in the sliding door giving you a full view of his mirror. You can see him in its reflection, coming down the hall with his wild hair bouncing around his shoulders, eyes locked onto the cassette in his hands. 

He enters his cramped bedroom and goes straight to his tape deck, the pink tip of his tongue trapped between plush lips as he stuffs the tape in and hits play, surprisingly turning the sound to a reasonable volume. As the music softly spills from the speakers he shrugs out of his denim vest and jacket combo, pulling his black tattered Iron Maiden shirt with the sleeves haphazardly cut off over his head. As he tosses it to the floor, the lyrics of the song he’s skipped to floods your ears. You know this song, love this song, fuck, you showed him this song. He’s humming along to it as he kicks off his sneakers, shimmies out of his black ripped jeans, calloused fingertips gliding gently down his soft tummy into the waistband of his boxers. 

Okay, what the fuck. You clamp your eyes shut before you can see too much. This is absolutely, positively, not part of your plan. His bed springs groan as the lyrics echo around his room and you sit in his closet with your hands over your eyes trying not to breathe too loud. 

Let's get away, just for one day,

Let me see you stripped down to the bone.

It was your Depeche Mode cassette, the one you’d lost a couple weeks ago and tore your room and car apart in a frenzy to find. You never did and now you know why; because you dear friend Eddie had stolen it.

Fuck this, you think to yourself as you raise off your feet in the cramped space. You’re about to bust out, ask him why he sat there and listened to you whine for days about your missing tape knowing full well he had it, when you hear something that makes your body freeze. 

It’s soft, gentle as a breeze, but loud enough to still hear over the song playing from his speakers. A moan, shaky and almost desperate, and you can’t help when you peek out the slit of the door and catch sight of him in the mirror. Your mouth goes dry, eyes so wide they must be bugging out of your head, you’re looking into a mirror except you can’t see yourself, no, but you can see him and the sight is fucking beautiful. 

Eddie’s laid out long ways across his bed, bare feet planted on the shag carpet just a couple feet from your hiding spot in the closet, his eyes are closed and his fist is wrapped tightly around the head of his cock. 

“O-oh f-fuuck.” He whines, thumb dragging across his weeping slit, smearing the precum that beads there across the red mushroom head of his rather thick cock. Jesus, you had shamefully imagined what he was packing under those tight pants he always wore, usually alone at night in your bed, but never did you think you’d actually see it. Especially not like this. 

Oh, this is wrong, so fucking wrong. You shouldn’t be here right now watching him thrust up slowly into his cock, shouldn’t lick your lips as he roams his hands over his bare chest, his fingers tweaking a nipple making his cock visibly twitch at the sensation. You shouldn’t be wet between your legs, squeezing your thighs together as best you can without moving much or making any noise. This is perverted, sick and twisted, a complete violation of Eddie’s privacy, but what are you supposed to do? You should have jumped out as soon as he came in, should have stopped him as soon as he got his shirt off, but instead you stayed frozen in place among Eddie’s clothes and now it was too late. You couldn’t just cover your eyes and leave, no that’d be horrifying for the both of you. Which left only one option; wait for him to finish and hope to a God you weren’t sure you believed in that he leaves right after. 

But that’s also a problem because you can’t not hear the pretty moans that fall from his lips. Can’t ignore the way the bed frame creaks as his hips pick up a steady pace. Can’t stop looking into that stupid fucking mirror and biting your lip at the sight of him completely lost in his pleasure. 

You are so going to hell.

“Oh, fuck, baby. J-just like that.” 

Your pussy floods at just the mere sound of his voice, clouded with lust and his impending orgasm. You can see how close he is, his tummy flexing hard as his hand fucks his cock faster. He isn’t gentle with himself, not like before, fucking his fist with fast sloppy thrusts of his hips as he presses his head back into his ruffled sheets. You can’t peel your eyes from him, can’t stop the constant squeeze of your thighs as your body begs for some kind of friction. And you definitely can’t stop the looming thought that if you get caught Eddie will probably never talk to you again. 

You wouldn’t blame him. 

There’s a new song playing but you can’t really hear it, aren’t even paying attention, not when Eddie shifts up to lean on one elbow to watch himself work. He gasps at a rather rough flick of his wrist, biting his lip as his eyes flutter closed, his long black lashes dancing across his pale skin. You’re trying so hard to stay quiet, watching intently through the mirror. 

You watched porn before but this, this was better than anything you’ve ever seen, and if you weren’t such a coward -and if you weren’t hiding in his fucking closet- you’d fall to your knees in front of him. Beg him to come all over your face, down your throat, in your tight pussy. You’d find your filthiest words, bat your eyes all innocent, drag your nails over his hairy thighs, just to see him cum. To watch his face scrunch up and mouth fall slack as he painted you all pretty in his hot seed. 

Yeah, if you didn’t get caught -and probably still if you did- you were so using the sight of your best friend fucking his fist to get off later. 

Maybe you were a pervert after all. 

Eddie’s moans are getting louder, hot breathy noises falling from his bitten lips, he’s visibly having a hard time keeping his eyes open, obviously lost in whatever scenario he is conjuring up behind his eyes. Your hands were gripping the fabric of your skirt as tight as you can, trying your best to restrain from shoving your hand underneath and thrusting your finger deep inside your tight, wanting, hole. His fingers would feel so much better, long and thin, you know they must be talented considering how good he is with a guitar. All this thinking has your chest heaving, hands shaking, breathing slowly in and out of your nose. You can feel your willpower slipping away, gone without a trace, you need him to hurry up. There’s no way you’re gonna be able to handle this much longer. 

But then Eddie says something so out of left field, so far from anything you’ve ever heard come from his mouth, that your brain completely malfunctions. 

“Just like that, y/n. I wanna be inside you so bad, baby.” It’s all a tangled whine, your name a quivered pant, and you gasp so loudly you make yourself jump, backing up deep into his closet as you watch his head spring up. 

Silence. Horrible, retched, silence as you cover your mouth with a shaky hand and close your now watery eyes. He heard you, you know it, and now all the heat and blood have left your aching core to wash over the apples of your cheeks. Hot like lava, the embarrassment of being caught doing something so wrong makes your eyes water. 

He’s never gonna speak to you again. 

There’s a click as the tape deck stops and then the drag of his closet door sliding open and you want to drop dead where you stand. 

“Y/n” Eddie asks, all quiet and gravelly, arousal still heavy in his throat. You can’t look at him, can’t dare raise your eyes away from your feet. 

“Boo?” Out of all the things you wanted to say, that was the only word to come out, soft as a whisper.

“W-What are you doing?” Good question, you think. What the fuck are you doing? 

“It’s not what you think.” You say quickly with a dark humorless chuckle, eyes bouncing to his before you completely fucking regret it and lower them back to the floor. He looks too good right now with his pupils blown wide and a sheen of sweat on his bewildered face. “I was go-gonna get you back for scaring me so much, but then you started…” You gesture your hand in the direction of his cock, braving a quick glimpse before slamming your eyes shut. He’s still naked, standing in front of you with a pillow covering his bare waist, and it’s just too much. 

“How much d-did you hear?” He asks softly, shuffling from foot to foot as he scratches the back of his neck. His nervous tick. 

“Uhm, well, not… not a lot…” It’s kinda comical how unbelievable you sound and Eddie must think so too because he huffs out a laugh as he backs up to his bed, plopping down on the side of it and adjusting his pillow shield.

“So you heard everything then. Fucking fantastic.” You step out of the closet finally, shuffling quietly against the carpet as you close the door back and face him, hands clasped together in front of your chest.

“Are- Do you hate me now, Eds?” You ask, perturbed, fiddling with the black and red yarn bracelet around your wrist. The same one Eddie wore; a friendship bracelet he’d given to you after the first time you’d hung out one on one.  

Eddie seems puzzled by your question, going to stand before he quickly realizes he’s only wearing a pillow. “Wait a second, will ya?” He asks and you nod covering your eyes as if you hadn’t just been watching him jerk off. When he's done, presumably getting dressed, he taps your elbow and when you don’t uncover your face, he grips your forearms softly and guides them away. He offers you a friendly smile when you meet his doe eyes. 

“I don’t hate you.” He says softly, the heat of his fingers leave goosebumps on your skin.

“I would.” You mumble, shifting from one foot to the other. 

“I thought you were mad at me?” He asks, trying to catch your eye but you’re too busy counting the tears in your worn out converse. 

“M not mad. I just wanted to get you back.” You offer and out of the corner of your eye you can see him nod. 

“Glad you’re not mad still.” He says and then, “How’d you get in, sweetheart?” 

“Wayne let me in, before he left. I skipped last period to get here before you. I swear, Eddie, I only wanted to jump scare you like you’ve been doing to me for the past month, I-I didn’t- I didn’t know what to do when you started..” 

“Hey,” He chirps, grabbing your chin between his thumb and index finger, and you try not to think about where that hand just was because if you do you’re gonna start thinking about the sounds he made while it was wrapped tight around his- no stop it. 

Even in the middle of the most embarrassing conversation you’ve ever had, your thoughts betray you with images of his hot, rock hard, cock. 

“It’s no biggie, really. I should have figured something was up, Wayne never leaves the door unlocked.” He’s fucking smiling at you now, a full smile that shows his teeth and crinkles the corners of his eyes and for some reason unknown to you; it really irritates you.

“No biggie?” You cry, pushing him away from you, and his face falls but you can’t handle him being so close to you right now. “You just caught me spying on you while you jerked off, but it’s no biggie?”

“Yeah, no biggie. No big deal.” Eddie draws out his words, hand rolling in the air as he elaborates. “I’m not mad at you. No biggie.” 

“Eddie, I feel like such a perv-” You start, eyes still watery with shame, but Eddie cuts you off. 

“You literally watched me jerk my dick while thinking about you, I think we’re both falling pretty hard on the pervert line here, sweetheart.”

You look him in the eye, finally, trying to judge if he truly means what he says. You find honesty, and something else you can’t quite decipher, with his gaze locked onto you and you nod and give him an unsteady smile before sinking onto the edge of his bed. 

“‘M sorry.” You tell him. “Really.” 

Eddie shakes his head, sitting down next to you in only his boxers, and places a hand on your bare knee. That fire surges again, deep in your bones, shooting through you like a bullet at the small contact.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m no worse for wear because of it. Kinda-” He trails off for a moment, reaches back to scratch at his neck again. “Kinda hot thinking about you watching me without me even knowing.” 

Oh. Oh. 

You really should have figured he’d be into it. Little freak. 

“Was kinda hot watching you…” You offer shyly, biting your lip as Eddie beams at you.

“Yeah?” He asks, his nose scrunching up all cutely as his cheeks flush.

“Mhm, you know I’ve had a crush on you since, like, forever right?” 

“Okay, don’t fuck with me like that.” He warns, umber eyes searching your smiling face. 

“Not lying.” It’s simple, matter of fact. Eddie blushes even deeper. 

“Well, fuck.” He runs a hand over his face, unable to wipe the cheesy smile from his lips. “I guess I don’t have to tell you I feel the same, huh?” 

You laugh at this, leaning your head onto his bare shoulder. “No, I think I got the message in technicolor. You could put the porn industry to shame, Eddie.” 

“You’re gonna give me a big head, sweetheart.” 

“You already have one, Eddie.” You say, eyes falling to his lap. 

Eddie chokes out a laugh in disbelief, shoving you back onto the bed to hover over you. 

“You’re a little minx, aren’t you? Who woulda thought.” He teases with his face buried in your neck, lips ghosting across the sensitive skin there. 

“Don’t you have Hellfire Club or something, you horn dog?” You ask acerbically and yet you still push your hips up to meet his when he bites down on your jugular. 

“Mhm, they can wait. Found something better than playing D&D in a cluttered theater room.” He hums against you, lips following the curve of your jaw with feather light kisses. 

“The guys would kill me if I was the reason you didn’t finish the campaign tonight.” You push him back by the shoulders smiling up at him as he watches you giggle at the sight of his bangs lifted up off his forehead. 

“I can always just kill them all, they’ll be more mad about that.” He dives back to your neck, sucking and licking every inch of skin he can find, and as much as you want to stay here in his bed and fuck like bunnies; you’d hate to be the reason he was late. So you push him again, harder this time, until he rolls off you with a groan, slamming his fists into the mattress as you stand. 

“You know I never got to cum, right? I’m aching right now, need you to help take my pain away, baby.” He’s pouting, lips jutted out, eyes like a puppy, and everything in you is screaming to give in to his guilt trip, help this poor helpless man out. 

But that wouldn’t be any fun. So you lean over him, hands on either side of his head, and kiss him slowly. Mold your lips against his, drag your teeth sensually over his bottom lip, give him the most sultry look you can muster. It must work because his whole body shudders under your, desperate hands snaking up your skirt to grab your ass.

“Go to Hellfire, Eddie.” He groans at your words in disappointment, head falling back into his sheets. 

“You’re mean.” He whines, slapping his hand firmly onto your ass cheek. You hiss at the pain that ebbs to pleasure and take his jaw in your hand, forcing him to look at you again. 

“You didn’t let me finish. Go to Hellfire and maybe, just maybe, I’ll give you a helping hand after.” You lean down, tongue grazing the shell of his ear before whispering, “A helping hand, an open mouth, a tight wet pussy.” 

Another shiver and his hand gripping tight on the back of your neck pulling you up so you can see his wicked, lopsided, grin.

“That’s not helping my little problem, baby.”

You giggle. “There’s nothing little about your problem, Eds.” 

Eddie groans loudly, covering his face with the back of his arm but you’re swatting it away, giggling at his fiery red cheeks. You shower his face with kisses, every inch of rosy skin, until he's pulling you into his chest and caressing the edge of your jaw as he gazes at you with stars in his eyes.  

The look in his eyes tells you your friendship is no longer that, instead there's a promise lying in his shimmering irises, something that was always there but you could never figure out the meaning to it. Maybe you were always destined to be more than friends, maybe this crazy -fucking bizarre- series of events was fated. You and Eddie, not as friends but as something more. Maybe the two of you were written in the fucking stars or something. 

You’d like to find out.

So you kiss him once more, different than before, savoring the way he follows after your lips, how he cradles your head so tenderly as he kisses you back with the same fervor. Too soon you’re climbing off of him, smoothing out the pleats of your black checkered skirt as he watches with that endearing little pout. 

“Lets go, Dungeon Master, the masses await thee.” He takes your outstretched hand, raising to his feet. He looks down at himself, in only his green boxers, and smiles at you all cheekily. 

“Think they’d still respect me if I showed up like this?” 

You pick his jeans up off the floor and place them in his hands. “Mm, probably not. But I’ll help you get undressed later, like I said, helping hand and all.” 

“Fuck, my little minx.” 

[miekasa]

M-mie could we get some athlete boyfriend eren hcs too if you don’t mind, please and thank you😩

He is: my boyfriend, and I love him dearly. Perfect amount of himbo and athlete without being a jock, everybody give it up for Eren for being my dream boy <3

Eren plays sports year round, with the exception of maybe one or two winter seasons, just because his school/work/home life was too busy for athletics at those times. Otherwise, he’s always go something to practice for: soccer in the fall, hockey in the winter, and his choice of baseball or basketball in the spring.

He’s not a varsity athlete; that is, he’s not “committed” to any one team, so he’s not tied to playing one sport every year, nor are his academics linked to his athletics, or vice versa. He’s just a pretty athletic guy, and he’s got a lot of energy, and he enjoys sports, so naturally he plays whenever he can.

As it turns out, it does help him with his academics. Knowing he’s got practice the majority of the week forces Eren into building a schedule that prioritizes both schoolwork and sports so he can enjoy them equally. It teaches him to be independent in a way that he wasn’t expecting, but he’s come to really love.

And because he loves it, he doesn’t mind working hard for it. Liking the way he’s set it up for himself encourages him to do his best in both areas. It’s really just good for him all around: a good outlet fo his energy, a good way to spend his time, a good way to keep his grades in check, and a good way to keep himself comfortably happy and busy.

His appetite is insatiable, so it’s only dramatized when playing sports. He takes the all you can eat in all you can eat sushi a little too seriously.

The thing is… he’s a shit cook, too, so it’s not like he’s meal prepping to make sure he’s satisfying his appetite. He just buys a shit ton of food whenever he’s hungry. He’s always asking you if you wanna grab food, and part of it is to ensure that you’re eating—not as much as him, but eating nonetheless—but part of it is that he just likes sharing meals with someone.

He also doesn’t like to eat alone, so even if you only have your ten California rolls to his forty six spicy tuna rolls, that’s fine; he just wants the company.

That’s also why even if you say you’re not hungry, he’ll drag you out to eat with him anyway. And you’ll probably get fed some of his food even if you don’t order anything and insist that you’re not hungry because, “It’s really good, baby, just try it—just one bite, it’s okay I’ve got plenty left!”

He usually keeps a few granola bars and chips and other snacks of his liking on him. But because of Eren’s nature, he keeps them on you, too: in your car, in your backpack, in your apartment/dorm. You’ll meet him after class and he’ll kinda just start walking behind you, and you realize he’s opening your backpack, and you don’t even have time to question him before he’s pulling a bar out of the smallest pocket with a smile and munching on it.

Sometimes you come home and see his little protein shakes in your fridge. You definitely didn’t put them there, but you don’t move them, either. When you stock up on more when they’re running low, Eren contemplates marrying you.

If it’s been a hard week of practice or school, he tends to get sleepy when studying (usually when studying for his least favorite class, no coincidence there). He’ll close his laptop, put his hood up, and scooch his chair closer to yours before leaning his head on your shoulder.

He gets increasingly clingier the longer he naps; hand wrapping around your waist, nose poking at your neck. He’s not so subtly trying to hint that he wants you to quit studying and take him home to cuddle instead. If you don’t get the message, expect him to shut your laptop for you.

When you protest, Eren just looks at you with pouty lips and tired eyes, “Chemistry sucks anyway. Wanna nap, and also wanted you to do that thing with your hands when you massage my back for me.” (He then promptly falls asleep mid-massage on your bed).

He’s actually got a waiver to see a physical massage therapist because of how frequently he’s exercising. On occasion, he goes, but he claims he likes your massages much better. Also because he’s hesitant about a stranger touching him and once he moaned when the guy was working on his back and Eren swears it was one of the most embarrassing moments of his life.

He doesn’t get upset if you can’t make it to every game, but he does like it when you show up. Gets all cheesy and cocky with his arm around your shoulder, going on about how, “You’re my good luck charm, baby. I play better when you’re watching, you know?”

He has so much team clothing, from sweats to hoodies to t-shirts to socks. All he asks is that you wear something on game days, even if you can’t be there to support him while he’s playing. And that you keep one or two things for yourself anyway. He’ll put them in your closet for your if you don’t take them yourself <2

Because seeing you in his hoodie is always great, but his team hoodies are extra special, because they’ve got his name and his number on them. Whenever you’re wearing one, he trails just a half step behind you so he can see JAEGER printed on your back while you walk. Something about you wearing his last name around is… enticing, to say the least.

Even if it’s not the clothes branded with his name, Eren’s got a thing for you in sweats and/or workout clothes, so he’ll toss them at you whenever you sleep over. He’s always handsy, even if you’re just wearing an Under Armour shirt with the school’s logo on it; the material of it, and knowing that it’s his just makes him want to keep his hands on you.

Truthfully, he doesn’t workout all that much outside of practice. Occasionally, he’ll go to the gym with some of his teammates if they need a buddy, or go himself to stretch or take one of the free classes, but he doesn’t have a strict schedule for it. If you go to the gym, he’ll follow you if you ask, tho.

Turns out something that he does like is yoga. He’s not particularly flexible lmfao, but the stretching helps with muscle pain and tension, and he kinda finds the whole atmosphere of it relaxing. He’s still not so great at the meditation part of it, but he’s getting there.

(Actually, it’s pretty cute because on Tuesday and Thursdays, the yoga classes at the gym on campus are open-level and beginner friendly. That’s when the majority of the athletes show up, and you see people like Eren, Jean and Connie holding tree pose in the back room).

This, of course, makes him think that couples yoga is a great idea. Let’s just say, you’re lucky that Eren is strong enough to catch you and has sharp reflexes, because he’s certainly not the most balanced partner for this activity.

Game days are fun for him, and usually even if his team loses, he’s still so pumped up on adrenaline that he’s pretty happy. He only gets moody if he thinks the other team is playing dirty, or the refs are unfair, or he’s just been in a bad mood because of something that happened in his personal life; sports are an outlet for him, not his drive in life, so losing a game doesn’t take a huge toll on him.

Usually, even if he is upset about something personal, he’s able to funnel it into his game play. Small things used to make his whole sportsmanship sour, but overtime, he’s really gotten better at using his energy to fuel the right things. However, one thing that makes him foul (emotionally and literally; as in he might foul out of a game), is if he’s been fighting with you.

Sometimes it works in his favor—using the game as outlet, like usual—but it goes south pretty quickly. Because instead of using his aggression in a productive way, he gets distracted and easily pissed off, and it’s no good for anybody, especially himself. Because if he fouls out, or the coach takes him out for doing too much, then he can’t play; and if he can’t play then all that pent up frustration has no where to go; and then he’s forced to just sit with himself and his thoughts, but usually he starts deflecting and telling everyone else to piss off. Truly a no good, very bad box he’s put himself in.

You guys don’t fight that often, and it’s rare that it drags out for an extended amount of time when you do; but as with any relationship, it can happen. And when it does happen, if Armin doesn’t get to you first, expect one of Eren’s teammates to come groveling at your feet.

Or, rather, two. Because when you and Eren were fighting for over two weeks about god knows what at this point, it was Connie and Jean who ambushed you in the library. Jean had some pride to keep, but Connie was practically begging you to make up with Eren: “Look, I know he’s probably the one who said or did something to piss you off, and I’m not saying you gotta forgive him, but please just talk to him. I can’t run anymore extra laps because of him, and it’s gonna be so embarrassing if we lose to a C-list team on Friday because Eren’s funking up everyone’s attitude. PLEASE!”

Jean is more interested in the tea between you guys, but he also wants Eren to go back to being his normal hotheaded self, and not his current moody self. “He’s been playing like a bitch baby all week, and I’m gonna knock his skull in if he doesn’t fucking get his act together,” Jean rolls his eyes, “So just show up on Friday, alright? Do it for me and Connie, at least.”

When Eren does see you in the crowd at the game, it’s not a Troy and Gabriella moment, but when he sees you he feels so much relief that he’s physically calmer and way more mentally relaxed—because at this point Eren wasn’t even mad, he was just scared you might break up with him, and that fear brought out the worst in him. Seeing you in the stands, even if you didn’t wanna speak to him, was reassurance that you still gave a damn about him, and that was motivation enough.

He rushes to you after the game, wanting to make sure you don’t get swept away or leave with your friends. He’s smiling and so happy to finally see you that he almost forgets that you’re mad with him; hugging you and grinning ear to ear. When the reality kicks in, he kinda steps back at bit and rubs at his neck, embarrassed, but at least he knows he still has a chance to make things right with you.

(When you do make up, you’re surprised to find flowers and $10 coupon for your favorite pizza place in your mailbox a few days later. They’re from Connie, and his poorly handwritten note thanks you for “saving the team” and “curbing Eren’s temper).

[holycartoonwarrior]

For @jordanenthusiast cuz I love him here’s my very silly not at all serious list of what would happen to the succession crew if their private jet crashed on a stranded island.

1. Gerri Kellman- was on the second private jet w Karl and Frank and Karolina that didn’t crash. The only island they’re on is a vacation one off the coast of Italy, have fun! (I cant bare to torture them)

2. Logan Roy - Dies in the plane crash lol. Like IMMEDIATELY on impact. And the Roy sibs try to keep his mangled body w them for as long as possible.

3. Connor Roy - Connor, god bless his heart, has been WAITING for this moment. No more wall street, they're in HIS domain now. He's been training for this all his life. He's so ready to drink his own piss; he is so ready to consume raw meat.

Honestly he wouldn't do too bad except for his hubris gets him really quickly. He insists it’s his job to hunt as a man, and tries to spear a wild boar with a stick he worked and she immediatly gores him and he dies.

4. Kendall Roy - Kendall immediatly appoints himself in charge of getting a search party to come cuz he doesn't wanna do manual labor and wants to feel like he's contributing to an escape. He ping pongs rapidly between thinking they were meant to die here and that this is a sign from some higher power and giving up, to, in a manic state, deciding to build his own “fortified” raft overnight cuz he's sure if he floats to sea he'll find a waystar cruise ship to come save them soon enough.

Unfortunately the moment he gets into deep water and the waves get stronger, the raft totally unravels and falls apart and throws him into the sea where he drowns.

5. Greg Hirsch - he gets torn apart limb from limb by monkeys idk.

6. Roman Roy - Roman is the complete opposite of Connor. He's doing SO badly. The ONLY thing he has going for him is that he has strong prey instincts lol. They all know hoarding Logan’s body is kinda futile; and it’s Marcia (if she’s there, if not her then Tom) that is insistent they need to get rid of Logan's body cuz it's gonna attract diseaseand wild animals. They all kinda reluctantly give in except for Roman who gets REALLY mad and defensive.

He INSISTS Logan’s body should stay cuz what if they're found soon and they end up dumping their dad's corpse for nothing! (He's in denial) So in denial and delusional in fact he cuts off a tiny piece of Logan to keep w him when they dump him.

It, of course, attracts disease which Roman contracts and that only freaks him out even more and puts more stress on his body and he dies obviously cuz he's built like a feeble industrial age child. I think it’s fitting for his Dad’s sickness to kill him.

7. Shiv Roy - Got really fucking mad when she couldn't catch any food on her own and had to stick to foraging to plants she has no idea are poisonous or not or eat from other people’s catches (which are just scraps in her head) and got madder when Tom tried to give her more and more of his food he caught because it felt belittling. He tries to insist it's fine that she isn’t good at this, but Shiv insists she can catch her own damn food, and it’s obviously not fine, and he isn't helping. She’s paranoid they’re all gonna go Lord of the Flies on each other any second and if she can't do this for herself when it's every man for themself she's fucked.

In a panic she goes off in the middle of the night to set up some traps herself despite everyone's warnings and decides to go out further away from camp than necessary cuz she is worried someone may tamper w her traps to fuck w her head. In the darkness doesn’t notice and opening in the ground and falls into cave hiting her head and losing feeling in her legs. Unable to walk she starves to death.

8. Tom Wambsgans - I’m sure his Boy Scout training came in handy here. He built them hammocks and is the only one of them who rlly consistently knows how to start a fire lol. But As SOON as someone even joked about drawing sticks to eat people. Tom kept insisting "he is more than willing to sacrifice his body, his flesh per se, in case they ran out of food, if push comes to shove." Roman jokes that Tom would probably be way too gamey and sinewy to eat anyway, tough muscley man meat. When Ken & Shiv insist that is VERY uneccesary (again he is the only one who rlly knows how to start a fire) he INSIATS it's in "Logan’s honor" which doesn’t mean much when his mangled corpse is like rotting in the being eaten by fishes against the shore by now.

That's not even how he dies tho lol. He goes to find shiv when she goes missing in the night, finds her in a cave and obviously freaks out. Unsure what to do he tries to pull her out, but can't and slips too and ends up falling into the cave w her and they starve to death together. So romantic. <3

9. Stewy Hosseini - Realistically he would not be there but it’s funny to imagine so I’m gonna. Only came on this stupid trip because Kendall dragged him into a scheme and he's sooooo mad he just completely shuts down and isn’t talking to the Roy’s I think, esp because no one else is even remotely concerned abt him except for Ken who is currently mad at. Probably is mad up until Ken dies and then he is deeply regretful but it’s okay stewpot u did ur best lol. He does what needs to be done to survive even if he is not at ALL built to live this kinda life LMAO. He just wants to get HOME.

Doesn't even bother hunting it's dangerous and too much work. He's a forager queen and if he did die, god forbid, it’d boil down to not being equipped to handle the elements and plain ol’ bad luck cuz he’d accidentally eat a poisonous berry or something but he goes out peaceful in his sleep, inshallah.

10. Marcia Roy - WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE BE ON THIS TRIP??? She wouldn't!!!! She's on vacation! BUT.…IF she was, she's living through it no matter what!

She came from the mud and fought for everything she had. She will claw and maim and hunt and kill and forage and hike and wittle her heels into skewers to stab fish, even cannibalism if it like REALLY came down to it. SHE IS DOING WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO MAKE HER SUN RISE AGAIN! She is GETTING rescued.

Does anyone wanna read my long list of Wether each succ character would survive on a stranded island and if not how’d they die?