#fuck you if you took it too far and left mean comments and acted as this was more serious than it actually was

[jula483]

OUCH.

[harrysloveboat]

John B’s Girl | PT. 2

Read Part 1 here.

Summary: John B comes face to face with the ugly truth and reacts in the most expected way. JJ can’t hold back anymore, willing to risk it all for one person. All the while (Y/N) deals with the consequences of her choices.

Word Count: 27.5K, (18+, Minors DNI, Mature Audience)

Warnings: Angst, heartbreak, smut, unprotected sex (wrap it up), rough sex, soft!dom JJ, DARK!JJ, fluff, choking, subspace, clit play, degrading, slight daddy kink, slight mention of anal, physical fight, very minor mention of abuse, blood play, biting (just once), a little thigh riding, JJxCameron!Reader, JohnBxCameron!Reader etc.

A/N: I’m so sorry this took so long, I accidentally took this one shot farther than intended and my life got in the way while writing so it was delayed😭

I hope you guys enjoy it and that it was worth the wait! I was also listening to Chris Briney’s playlist while writing parts of it so feel free to play that while reading🙈 pt.3 coming soon, comment on the taglist if you’d like to know when it comes out❤️

JJ’s mind was reeling as he departed the van with a quick tug of his shorts and a clasp of the button.

He had stepped on his red hat when jumping out, mindlessly dusting the sand off of it without a care as his legs led him back to the fire pit. JJ was simply going through the motions, doing his best to ignore the way the fabric of his boxers dragged against his softening member. He flicked his tongue across his bottom lip, tasting the remnants of her sweet peak. The hat was placed on backwards to cover his tousled hair from view. He could still feel her on every indention and arch of his toned body. Believing one time would truly satiate his need for (Y/N) was a complete joke.

It was a cruel and ridiculous notion.

If anything, that’s all he could think about now. A small taste wasn’t enough, he wanted to suffocate between her legs and leave her quaking. Fuck her mouth until she had pretty tears streaming down her cheeks and saliva dribbling down her chin. Make her scream his name until she went mute. JJ had half a mind to turn around and act on impulse before Kie’s curly hair popped into his frame and refrained him from completing his body’s request. She was wearing a frown, brown eyes searching behind JJ while speaking. “Hey J. John B’s been looking for (Y/N) for a while apparently. You seen her?”

Yeah, I was fucking her in the van.

JJ let out a small breath at his thoughts, shaking his head innocently. “Nope. No clue,” he lied knowing she was probably still recuperating in the van. But he played the part so perfectly, feigning worry to mirror her state. His ocean blue eyes aimlessly flickered through the crowd without actually zoning in on anyone. “Does JB have any clue where she is?” It was hard to contain the mixture of emotions he felt for his best friend at the moment.

On one hand, John B taken it too far involving an unwilling JJ into his cruel game. Using him to get his revenge on (Y/N) and getting off on forcing him to watch something he was forbidden from claiming. On the other hand, John B’s initial reservations about their behavior was proven more than accurate by the fact that his girlfriend was most likely getting dressed in the Twinkie after JJ had just gotten done railing into her.

“You guys find her yet?” Pope’s intrusion at his right side brought him back to the conversation at hand. Kie sighed, genuinely growing more worried as time passed. “No.. I mean, it’s not like she could’ve went far? She came with us and I doubt she’d leave with Rafe without telling us,” Kie crossed her arms over her chest faintly recalling the oldest Cameron hanging out with Topper a while ago but (Y/N) wouldn’t have just left with him. Things between the two siblings had been tense for a while now with her dating a Pogue. “Well I just saw him flirting with some poor Touron so that’s not even an option,” Pope’s confirmation was layered with disgust not able to imagine what poor girl would fall for his antics.

John B appearing out of thin air from the crowd was what really made JJ zone in fully.

Neither of them had to say a word for the air to grow tense. John B hadn’t really taken the time to watch JJ’s reaction when (Y/N) unraveled in front of him, but it was easy to guess that his best friend had caught on. The fact that JJ didn’t seem as worried as the others fed into the foreboding dread he was trying to pretend wasn’t there. They turned into two alpha males fighting over territory the second they made eye contact. Standing proud with chests puffed up, oozing testosterone into a suddenly hostile setting.

“Lost your girl JB?”

He didn’t have to poke the bear but JJ is simply a victim of his true nature.

After all, it was John B who chose to start this. How could he be blamed?

The smirk that played on his otherwise innocent features sent John B into a spiral. His hand would form a fist and then loosen, only to repeat. The unspoken words JJ was attempting to convey were being understood perfectly. Kie looked between them, becoming aware of the undeniable tension swelling in the air. A lid was about to blow off and Kie wasn’t sure if it would be John B or JJ to lose it first. Pope was as oblivious as ever, checking his phone to send (Y/N) another text.

“I saw her for a little bit.”

John B’s teeth gritted as he took a step forward. The implications the blonde haired boy was making was only triggering the residual jealousy inside of him. He would be a fool to not notice the sparkle in his girlfriends eyes when JJ demanded her attention. It was like a punch to the kidney remembering the pause she took when being introduced to him. John B wasn’t one to normally struggle with his worth, but it was too easy to assume that things might’ve turned out different if JJ had been the one who got the job with Ward Cameron instead of him.

“I’m picking up some weird vibes..,” Kie interrupted with a tentative tone, eyes flickering between the two.

John B was a giddy kid on Christmas morning watching the two girls mingle on the boat. (Y/N) Cameron was actually sitting on the H.M.S. Pogue in a sexy little one piece bikini talking to his friends. And she was dating him.

“JJ’s not gonna like her.”

“JJ has to like her.”

“Yeah but he’s not going to.”

“You’re killing my mood Pope.”

“She’s the Kook Princess for fucks sake.”

“If you’re cussing that means you’re really mad,” John B was partially teasing. Pope was hitting too close to home without realizing it. JJ’s been his best friend since the third grade. Everything significant that ever happened to JB always made its way back to JJ. Anytime he skipped school, JJ was the one who led the charge. Any idea or scheme, good or bad, was brought up between the two before anyone else. Hell even the grinded herbs spilled on the floor of his guest bedroom belonged to none other than his partner in crime.

JJ not liking his girlfriend because she was a Kook just wasn’t an option.

Pope rolled his eyes while carrying the cooler (Y/N) and Kie had packed off the deck. “I get ignored but I’m always right,” he mistook his friend’s carefree attitude for confidence. There was just no way Pope wasn’t going to be right about this. There wasn’t a walking Kook on Outer Banks that didn’t receive the bad end of one of JJ’s stink eyes or his colorful language. The Kook Princess and her knight and shining armor at the time, Topper, were the main topic of many drunk rants about social inequality.

John B pensively knocked against the wooden railing with his beer can, accepting Pope’s prediction. “Okay well- we can always leave them stranded so they can work their shit out,” John B threw up a solution to the mix. Pope dropped the cooler before giving him a pointed look. “It’s truly scary how quickly you came up with that,” he was a little impressed and frightened at the same time.

Pope’s gaze moved behind him, heavy footsteps giving way to the queasiness that came with jitters. “Fishin’ for some drum today boys?” JJ’s chipper voice put an end to their discussion and forced fake smiles. Pope began undoing the rope tying them to the dock with a quick nod. John B didn’t have time to react with his special guest already making her way towards the cooler that Pope had brought on board. The time he thought he had to come up with a plan disappeared. Kie scrambled up at his arrival to help diffuse any situation that might unfold while John B shifted to face his girlfriend and best friend. “(Y/N) this is the last member of the Pogues, JJ Maybank. JJ, this is my girlfriend, (Y/N) Cameron. Thought she could come with us today,” he introduced them formally.

The rest just seemed to happen in slow motion.

His blue eyes landed on her, hair at the end of her ponytail drifting towards her left shoulder with the gust of wind. Cheeks flushed with a light shade of pink that JJ didn’t know the name of, but found himself suddenly wanting to. She reached up to lift her designer sunglasses from the brim of her nose to the top of her head. He swallowed hard, caught off guard by the gleam in her eyes that matched the magnitude of the suns’. Her glossy lips were moisturized by some chapstick JJ needed to know the flavor of. The bikini was black, with two openings at the side and simple spaghetti straps that only put emphasis on her chest. Every alluring inch of tanned skin was prompting him towards her.

The only time she ever really crossed his path was during a tussle with Topper or Rafe. He never really had the time or interest in concentrating on the Kook Princess.

Which in reality made a lot of sense to JJ.

Because he felt like he was actually seeing her for the first time. Like he didn’t even know who she was until now.

“Nice to properly meet you JJ, I- uhm..- I brought some beer over,” and it was the pause in her sweet voice that really sealed the deal.

(Y/N)’s field of vision was consumed by JJ. His muscular arms in the sleeveless gray t-shirt were shimmering with sweat. The cotton fabric hung low exposing the defined lines of his collarbones. The sun lit up the sapphire color in his eyes and sharpness of his jawline. And normally, normally, (Y/N) had a hatred for baseball caps. The way they ruined your hair after wearing them for too long. Or how the little hole in the back never sat just right with her ponytail. But today? Her entire perspective changed on them as she caught sight of the singular loose strand of hair falling onto JJ’s forehead. The red hat was facing the opposite way, blonde locks poking out under the sides of it. For heaven sakes JJ had a damn toothpick snug between his lips.

How could she not be thrown off by him? He was the epitome of a bad boy that would probably be haunting her dark dreams in the upcoming future.

“I didn’t know Kook Princesses knew that beers existed.”

With his playfulness, the stress in their surroundings dissolved.

A quiet snort on her end and his boots landing on the boat was the end of it. The big explosion they’d prepared for amounted to nothing more than a shared beverage and banter that was borderline flirtatious.

“Well… that could’ve gone way worse,” Pope noted from John B’s side.

In retrospect, it did go way worse.

“Everything okay?” (Y/N) called out to them from where she was making her way up to the huddled group preventing the storm that was brewing from unleashing. Her breathing was still uneven, fingers fiddling nervously with the shiny cross necklace at her neck. The vibrator still made it difficult to walk with the way it would slide inside of her restricting her from forgetting about the incident in the van but she was satiated for now. Able to process other thoughts than just JJ. Guilt was at the forefront of her conflicted emotions. Everybody but John B and JJ looked at her. They heard her but they hadn’t even broken their stand-off to acknowledge her presence.

Kie shot her head around to (Y/N) exhaling a sigh of relief since she appeared uninjured. But at a second glance, she noted the tangled mess of hair that had been miserably patted down and ran through. The subtle rise and fall of her chest to finish catching her breath. The crimson color painted on her cheeks that ran down her neck to her shoulders.

“Everything’s great now. JB was lookin’ for ya and I was just telling him that I’d ran into you,” JJ’s smirk widened. He was just having too much fun playing into the obvious suspicion that danced in John B’s brown eyes. It was hard to not want to blurt it out right then and there, that his little game hadn’t worked out the way he intended it to. The bittersweet moment that would eventually come when John B pulls the vibrator out was enough motivation to keep his mouth shut. A side of JJ he wasn’t aware of was coming out for vengeance.

(Y/N) had to physically stop herself from jabbing her elbow into JJ’s side. She wanted to come clean, tell John B the truth even if it would be devastatingly difficult to remedy. She owed him that now. “Yeah, by the fire pit. When I wasn’t feeling well. I had to get some fresh air,” it was sort of the truth. (Y/N) couldn’t pick this moment in front of everyone to be honest. She just wanted to make sure that he found out through her and not by opening JJ’s present.

“Mhm,” JJ hummed digging his fists into his pockets. It was her lie that bled false hope into John B as he finally broke with a peek her way. She was staring at him, silently pleading to back off with her big doe eyes. JJ couldn’t blame him for relaxing with one look her way, she had the same affect on him.

Pope adjusted his flannel with a heavy breath. “Well I don’t know about you guys, but that was a lot for one night. I’m ready to go to bed. And Pops ran me down dry today,” his body was still sore from all the deliveries and inventory he had done at the shop earlier. It was indeed getting a little late for all of them now. There was a good amount of liquor in their systems so calling it a night wasn’t a bad idea. Kie was still feeling unconvinced though. Nothing that was being said was wrong but it was the way it was being said. The heavy emotion that weighed the trio down. And of course, JJ was acting far too odd and smug.

“It was a lot for one night, huh?” JJ’s head whipped around to her then. He was so obviously referring to the fact he had busted a weeks load, who was he kidding, a months load of frustration into her. (Y/N)’s knuckles turned white around the chain feeling the way JJ peered down the front of her body and stopped at the end of her dress. Her body would be undeniably hot if anyone was to touch it at this very instant. “Yeah, we should get home,” her voice was shaky as she stepped toward John B, outstretching her free hand to him and rewarding JJ’s audacity without a glance over.

He wound his fingers around hers, letting her be the one to calm him down and wash the anger away. He didn’t bother looking at JJ again as they began walking because he’s afraid he might punch the stupid smirk off his face if he does. (Y/N) had accidentally already done that for him by taking John B’s hand.

“I tried-,” John B squeezed her hand lowering his voice as they walked a few steps ahead of their friends, “getting your attention.”

The vibrating noise the toy made against the metal flooring of the van echoed in her ears.

“Do you hear that? John B’s turning up the vibrator while you’re getting stuffed with his best friends cock.”

(Y/N) jumped out of her skin at the mention of the device. She cursed whatever higher power had led John B to making this purchase. Her skin crawled with the flashback it brought on. She was even angrier at herself for still being turned on by the way JJ had fucked her into utter submission. If she’d been in her right mind, she would’ve taken it out and wiped herself clean. But JJ had left her dazed. Perplexed by the intensity of pleasure and shame from not feeling guiltier than she should.

“I turned it off.”

“You.. turned it off?” John B repeated, shock evident on his features. There was never an actual contract between them with a set list of rules or anything but they were dabbling in punishment and handing over control so it didn’t make any sense to him. Why would she do that knowing what would ensue? It crossed his mind that it could’ve been because he took it too far moments before she vanished. He wasn’t dumb enough to ignore that it had been careless of him to push her like that in front of JJ. He felt a little bad about how inconsiderate it had been to do that as they reached the van. John B didn’t say another word as he furrowed his eyebrows and looked ahead.

There was an odd white tint on the windows leftover from their indiscretion. Like the kind caused by fog that dried up. The smell inside wasn’t any better. Some of it escaped with all the doors opening but it was still present when the engine switched on. Kie and Pope were scrunching up their noses as (Y/N) sunk into her seat, head resting against the window wishing she could become one with the car door. Her heart beat a little quicker as she inhaled the sweat and aroma of sex.

If anybody deciphered exactly what it was, they chose not to mention it.

But it enveloped (Y/N). Hugged her tight and flooded her with what were now sinful memories. Shutting her eyes, her fingertips skimmed across the top of her thigh timidly, the one where JJ had left a hand impression on the side. It sent chills through her body to relive the way his face dug into her. Her thighs retreating into one another as she pictured the almost black eyes watching her come apart under him. If anything served as the biggest reminder, it was the vibrator neatly tucking in JJ’s cum into her squirming body. Her hand moved upwards to pull her hair to one side and squeeze the back of her neck in an effort to calm herself. It was a mistake, a huge mistake to tilt her head back. Because the tormentor of her daydream was already burning holes into her.

JJ could see the lust flash through her eyes. Even from the backseat he could feel the heat emanating towards him. Watching her felt different now. He wasn’t getting a glimpse of her inappropriate thoughts, he was reading them. Observing how they popped up with every touch of her hand. Seeing the sweaty skin displayed by her bare shoulder firsthand and the hint of a darkening bruise that would be visible to those in the backseat if she moved her hair another inch. His fingers itched to replace hers. Going mad with the realization that she was thinking about him. It was his name she had been screaming earlier. The cause of her affliction was JJ this time. His chest was moving a little quicker now that her eyes were confirming what JJ suspected. His hand shifted downwards to tug on his shorts and fix them before his hardening dick became obvious.

“Guys I know this is technically John B’s van, but can you minimize the intimacy in the van. It reeks,” Pope waved his hand in front of his nose dramatically while requesting that one of the two in the front rolled the window down. They had almost managed to get away with it when Pope just had to go and open his mouth about it.

The curve of JJ’s lip tilted upwards as Kie delivered a detrimental blow to Pope’s arm. She was already suspecting something and with the silence in the van intriguing her further, Pope making this type of comment was just unnecessary. (Y/N) couldn’t look at JJ’s triumphant expression for another second longer though.

John B gave a very short and curt, half hearted laugh, hands tightening around the wheel. His chest felt a little tight. For the life of him, he couldn’t remember when the last time they’d had sex in the Twinkie was. It definitely wasn’t recent enough for it to linger this way and it definitely hadn’t been present earlier. Anger flared within him while trying to remain blissfully ignorant as to the obvious signs in front of him.

The eerie quietness for the rest of the ride was only made bearable by the music playing on the radio. Everyone was too distracted in their own thoughts, exchanging wary glances back and forth. Even JJ found John B scowling over at him quite often, but he simply kept his eyes on (Y/N).

The van coming to a stop awoken everyone out of their distractions. John B was the first one out, walking with purpose to get to (Y/N)’s door and reaching it before she could even lift her hand to the handle. Pope left the back first, talking about the leftover cereal from (Y/N)’s little shopping trip he just needed to eat before bed. Kie began to exit, slowing down when she noticed that JJ wasn’t moving at all from where he was sat. If she took her time, she’d be able to catch him by himself and ask him what the fuck was going on.

Her plan seemed to work pretty well considering John B gripped onto (Y/N)’s wrist to pull her inside not paying any mind to the others. The constant loop of emotions was only infuriating him more. The car ride felt hours long, giving him time to envision several scenarios of what might’ve happened. Trying to get rid of those images was proving to be more difficult. He didn’t even realize how upset he actually was until they reached the front door and (Y/N) wiggled her wrist in his grasp. “It hurts,” she was nervous, not because of him but because of the conversation that awaited.

John B eased up on her a fraction of a second after she spoke. He didn’t bother looking back though, boosting (Y/N)’s nerves. “John B,” she tried quietly as he urged them through the living room, through the hallway, and into his bedroom. She could faintly hear Pope rummaging through the cabinets before his bedroom door was opening. Her pulse quickened, the panic bubbling inside of her. But he was unwavering. Setting off an attack of anxiety-fueled nausea through her. Every rushed movement was beckoning her closer to her confession. He wasn’t letting her get a word out, shutting the door behind them. “John B,” he ignored her, urging them over to sit (Y/N) down on the bed.

“Why’d you turn it off?.. When did you turn it off? Where?.. It’s still inside you though, right?” He didn’t actually expect a response to the extensive questions he was throwing her way. He was moving too rapidly to give her time to answer them. John B didn’t even know if he actually wanted to hear what she had to say. He grabbed the hem of his shirt to rip it off. His lips were set in a fine line, overlooking the tears swelling in her eyes as his knees met the wooden floorboards.

(Y/N) made a steadfast attempt to keep herself covered but his hand boldly flung the dress up. There was both anger and lust etched in his expression. His hands grabbed onto her knees, lunging them to opposite sides with eyes glued to one place and one place only. A choked noise left her lips at the direction he was going towards.

“We need to talk,” the dreaded words every man loathed hearing. He focused in on the sight of the red lace that had a slight bump over it where the vibrator was located. The discussion she wanted to have was the last thing on his mind right now. He chose to exist in the expectation of how this night was supposed to go rather than the reality.

“I don’t want to talk right (Y/N),” he insisted. Her cheeks felt wet and palms clammy. Lungs constricting in a frightening way with a heavy chest as she stumbled through finding the courage to spit it out. All the while he moved at too rapid of a pace for her to process. Attempting to close her thighs went horribly wrong, his hand flying over to keep them from closing.

It was purely on instinct. But unbeknownst to John B, his hand covered up the bruise left by his best friend. She winced from the pain, fingers twisting around the edge of the bed. His hand moved from there to the hem of her panties, snapping them to the side.

“John B stop,” her pleading went unheard due to the ringing in his ears. His fingers latched onto the end of it and began to pull it out.

The air escaped her lungs.

Her hand flung out to swat at his hand but his brawn was no match.

“John B- JJ and I-,” despite her cry, it was too late.

It felt like everything in the planet and beyond became deadly silent.

A pin could drop and you’d hear it in Australia.

He only managed to get it out halfway before the milky white substance was seeping out from the sides.

The next millisecond was the longest John B had ever experienced. His face went pale. There was no way for her to explain herself out of this one. The sight was so distinct. It was so obviously cum that didn’t belong to him. Every stress-filled interaction crashed together inside him in a long-awaited train wreck. The way his throat would dry when JJ would go silent into a trance upon (Y/N)’s bubbly entrance. His blue eyes would get just a little brighter at her goofiness and matching banter. Her laugh would be just a smidgen higher when he did his very JJ things. She’d melt whenever he would sweetly request something of her, in a way that was supposed to have been a joke from both sides. However, the punchline to the joke seemed to be him.

In the millisecond that followed, John B lurched away from her like she had caught fire. The feeling of disgust was a harsh contrast to what he was feeling before. The woman before him was one he didn’t recognize any longer. It couldn’t be his (Y/N) sitting on the edge of his bed. No. That girl loved him. That girl would’ve never done something like this. A sound was made as the sex toy fell out the rest of the way reminding him that she indeed had. His blood boiled with rage. The edge of the panty line snapping back and startling her out of her anguish.

“John B I’m so sorry-,”

“Are you fucking serious?” He seethed watching as she jumped up from the bed, tears falling down her cheeks while struggling to catch a breath. But he pulled back from her letting his anger fuel the desire to see her vanish from his vicinity. “Don’t fucking touch me,” his voice boomed out, making her flinch away from him. She’d never seen him this furious before. It was her fault though. She deserved his reaction.

John B didn’t need to ask who was to blame because he already knew the answer to that question. Even with his name falling from her lips moments as he took it out, the clear image of a smirking JJ from the Boneyard asking if he had lost her made him lose it. His best friend was to be held just as responsible. Before he could properly process what he was doing, the door swung open with determination. The sound it made as it hit the wall echoed throughout the house alarming everyone and undoubtedly leaving a doorknob sized hole in its wake.

(Y/N) chased after him, knowing exactly who he was looking for. “No John B,” she called out after him, sprinting to catch up to him. Even though he just looked like he was walking, his speed was astonishing. His head scanned around the empty kitchen and then the living room where Kie was bouncing up from the couch with wide eyes. “What’s wrong? What’re you looking for?” she asked exasperatedly, quickly reaching the conclusion that John B was fuming. There would be steam coming out of his ears if that was actually possible.

“Where’s JJ- I’m gonna kill him,” John B stated without hesitation as the toilet flushed from down the hallway. Before John B could get to it, (Y/N)’s palms were pushing back at his rock hard chest, muscles tight from rage.

“John B stop- this is my fault. It’s mine, nobody else’s but mine,” (Y/N) could barely keep in the sob as John B reacted quickly, moving away from her once again. His eyes were dark and empty, face completely emotionless except for the red hot anger. The sight of him becoming physically ill from her touch shattered her into pieces. Her body was shaking. She knew this is what would happen but nothing could’ve actually prepared her for it. Nobody warned her about what it would feel like to watch the love someone has for you drain from their face.

“I said don’t fucking touch me. Why are you even here, huh? Thought it would be fun to slum your way through Pogues?” John B’s hurled accusation was meant to hurt, meant to be offensive. He wanted her to really feel the same pain he was. He thought one day she might leave him for his best friend. Had pretended like it was his mind playing tricks on him. Never in a million years did he think this would happen. He was unable to breathe properly as he stared intently towards the opening bathroom door. He stretched his neck out to see who it was, only relaxing it back when Pope emerged from the bathroom. “What’s going on?” he gazed around at everyone having heard the door and shouting from where he was, eyes eventually honing in on the state (Y/N) was in.

John B laughed with no humor behind it and a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll tell you what’s going on. JJ fucked my slut of a girlfriend. My best friend fucking creampied her,” his head shook in disbelief, “He fucked her in the van while we were all looking for her,” John B’s voice was laced with venom watching as she curled in on herself without caring about how she felt. He put two and two together easily. The way she recoiled at the accusation only confirmed it, setting him off further as he took a step forward. “He did didn’t he? You opened your legs for him in the fucking Twinkie.” This was different from when he called her dirty names in the safety behind closed doors. He meant these humiliating words. Her crying was the only thing heard in the momentary silence. (Y/N) covered her chest with her arms as if to protect the imaginary physical wound that he inflicted. “Woah dude- wait, you’ve gotta chill out,” Pope moved with caution between him and (Y/N), holding his hand out to stop John B from moving any further. Not because he’d do anything, because the situation was getting too heated. He was hearing a bit too much information than needed, but if any of it was true he knew John B was on a unstoppable war path.

“Where’s JJ?” He was steady in his pursuit, unbothered by his friend who was trying to settle the situation at hand. “Jesus- He left! I talked to him outside and he left, alright?!” Kie yelled out at him, pulling his attention to the girl. “You’ve gotta calm down. Fighting him and hurting her isn’t gonna solve anything,” Kie reasoned in a slightly lower volume, but nonetheless still loud, while laying an attentive hand on his shoulder. Usually it was (Y/N) doing this. Asking him to cool off without speaking, just looking. It was a harsh reality to accept that she wasn’t. The disappointment to find out JJ hadn’t even made it past the front door was clear in the way his hand jerked. He swirled around on his feet to face (Y/N) again, looking past Pope.

“Get out.”

“John B, please let me talk to you.” Her voice was horse from all the crying. It was without a doubt asking for too much to have a civil conversation with John B right now. But her heart was squeezing in her chest and she couldn’t bare the thought of leaving things like this. Her mind struggled to find any words that would bring him peace. There was probably none that would. She had tried to avoid this… hadn’t she? Didn’t she keep asking him to stop? Or couldn’t she have just pulled away from his hold? The fact that was even a question in her mind made her chest swell with oncoming tears.

John B stiffened up taking another step forward that landed Pope’s hand onto his chest this time. “(Y/N) get the fuck out!” The conviction in his voice made her bottom lip quiver. Kie was angry at her but it was also difficult to watch (Y/N) break down like this. Since she’d joined them, they’d been inseparable. It was nice of course to have all the boys around but there was things she could talk to (Y/N) about that she couldn’t with them. A sense of trust and friendship that had formed during girl talk. She knew there was no excuse for her friends actions, but it was still difficult to watch the fallout unfold. “I’ll take her home and then I’ll be right back,” Kie offered as she went to the couch searching for her keys figuring that would be a way she could help them both. “Kie get her out of here right fucking now,” John B’s nostrils flared not having the capacity to continue looking at (Y/N).

“She’s going man, she’s going. Let’s just go outside,” Pope tried leading him out the back while Kie smacked a pillow in frustration, wondering where she set her keys down before they left.

But it was all too much for (Y/N).

The pure disdain from John B was appropriate. The way they were referring to her in third person now, as if she’d never been a Pogue, was also fitting but it all pierced her heart. She’d lost him and the rest of her true family over what? A hook-up? Another notch on JJ’s belt? She didn’t even have a clue.

“Don’t worry,” (Y/N) grabbed her phone making her way to the door as Kie moved to stop her, “I’ll get home. Just stay with him.”

Kie called out for her in an effort to get her to rethink and wait just a few more minutes for her. But either she didn’t hear it or she chose not to.

The way the screen door slammed behind her seemed to signify the end to a lot more than what she could yet imagine or even handle.

Her legs were wobbly as she made her way down the beaten path. It took her a few minutes to gather her strength before she was able to walk away from the house without tripping over nothing. The adrenaline racing from the intensity of the fight urged her legs to move faster. She couldn’t help but punish herself by reliving every second of it. The look on John B’s face when he removed the toy made her insides churn. The image would be scarred into her memory. It seemed like every other special, beautiful moment they shared was erased from existence. She wanted to turn back time, find a million different ways to come clean that didn’t include a stupid fucking vibrator. Without even noticing, her sprint gradually tripled in speed until it turned into full fledged running and weeping down his neighborhood. A car past her by at some point but she didn’t even see it through the haze of her tears.

With time passing by faster than she noticed, she felt her chest slowing to a calmer state and cheeks drying. It was only then, when every heightened sense took an undeserved respite, that her speed lowered. Things were more visible now that it felt like she had cried every drop she physically could. It only felt like minutes in the middle of her attack, but she’d managed to make it quite a distance. The convenience store John B normally drove to when he picked up some late night cravings during her periods came into view and almost made her collapse in the process. Walking to her house from here would most likely take the whole night and (Y/N) probably could make it if she was feeling extra ballsy. But as she eyed the dimly lit street ahead and the little twenty-four hour mini-mart that threatened the shaky stability she had found, she knew tonight was not that night.

Her phone screen lit up her face, swiping up to open the device when it recognized her. (Y/N) let out a trembling breath as she made her way to her Uber app, ordering one to her current location so that she could be dropped off in Figure Eight. Once it was charged to the card her dad had opened for her, she crossed her arms over her chest. Her dad really only checked her account to re-up her money so there wasn’t a high chance of him questioning her on a late night Uber drive when she was supposed to be sleeping over at Kie’s, but even if he did see it, the argument that would ensue seemed vastly unimportant compared to everything else.

A wave of emotions risked another waterfall. In contrary to her previous belief, apparently she might never stop crying. Waiting there for the driver, all she could think about was John B. The coldness he aimed her way. He had meant every single belittling word and (Y/N) felt like it was well-deserved. She wanted to blame JJ. It would be so easy to do it considering the predicament she had been in when he followed after her. One that he had been very well aware of.

But as much as she wanted to do that, the truth was she wanted JJ in that moment. Not John B, but JJ. The look in his blue eyes when they were sitting in front of the bonfire had ignited a buried desire for him. There was actually way too many instances where she had craved JJ in the way she had him tonight. Odd moments where they were left alone for one reason or another, creating tension amongst themselves with inappropriate thoughts and stolen glances of the other. It was really her fault for not admitting it to herself sooner. All of this could’ve been avoided if she had stopped lying to herself.

The honk of the horn brought her back from her zoned out state. (Y/N) made her way into the vehicle that matched the one in the app, giving the man a weak smile. He asked her something, but her brain didn’t make sense of it. She curled up into the door similar to the way she had in the van earlier, choosing to get lost in the palm trees rather than hold a meaningless conversation with someone she’d never meet again. The silence he was met with was a clear indication that she wanted to opt out of the friendly chatter and arrive at her destination.

The driver picked up the hint, starting his drive to the address given without another hitch. Even blessing her with the grace of ignoring the faint weeping in the backseat. She was torn up inside, grieving the loss of her boyfriend while also struggling with whether she actually regretted it or not. Saying she did would just be a distasteful lie. Confronting John B over this had sent her headfirst into the veracity of her feelings.

The rest of the drive felt empty. There wasn’t a living soul out when they rode down her street. Her own house had all the lights off, it gave off an eerie looking vibe at this time of night. The driver came to a stop at her gate, letting her get off there so she could enter through the gate door next to the car entrance. Her mumbled thank you was politely acknowledged with a small wave and head bow before she exited.

The walk from the warm car through the freezing temperature of the night to the coziness of her bedroom was exhausting in her numb state. She was beyond glad no one was awake because she didn’t have the energy to deal with her dad who would pester her with questions. Or Wheezie who would try to get all up in her business for nothing other than the sake of living up to the stereotype of nosy little sisters. Rose would just put on her motherly act that seemed to bother her too much to play well so it would just end up sucking more energy from (Y/N).

And Rafe- well Rafe might be the only one that could cross her path. He wouldn’t care enough to even notice her presence. But he was most likely still at the Boneyard with the other Kooks anyways inhaling too much coke.

A relaxing bath sounded perfect right now, with some bubbles and candles. She could play one of her mellow playlists in the background. Something relaxing, not sad, because she’d be right back where she started. She didn’t know if she’d actually retrieve the candles from the second floor linen closet or even have the energy to search for her speaker but at least the bubbles she could reach from inside the bathtub. The rest she could leave up to her imagination.

Her feet dragged all the way up to the third floor, past the expensive paintings and family portraits, and to her bedroom. All of the lights in the hallway made it hard for her to see in the pitch black of her bedroom. (Y/N) preferred it that way anyways. Her back rested against the door once it shut, one hand on the doorknob still feeling like she couldn’t get a decent amount of oxygen into her lungs. Her head lifted just to bang back on the door delivering a sting to the back of her head that didn’t actually quell the emotional pain.

She was about to go into her bathroom when she saw the infamous red baseball cap on the grey chair, lined with silver around the edges, that sat in front of the window. The moonlight pouring in from the window was shining down on it like a spotlight, alerting her to the presence of the boy that seemed to be everywhere lately.

The fact that it was in such perfect view made her tilt her head slightly, not looking away from it. It was almost like he had made sure to leave it in sight so that they could bypass the obvious jump scare that would’ve occurred otherwise. Her back stood a little straighter, heart caving just the tiniest bit at the gesture.

And that’s exactly why JJ had done it. Her bloodshot eyes and lifeless expression were proof he’d been right in doing so. He had wanted to be there for her when they got out of the van, gut still twisting with the way John B had grabbed onto (Y/N). But he was aware now that he was just a coward. With no clue as to how to make it up to her. After the conversation with Kie, he’d gotten on his bike and rode away. He was supposed to go home, face Luke’s wrath about his week long disappearance since the Chateau would obviously be off limits for the foreseeable future. But the pull he felt was strong, as powerful as gravity.

That’s how JJ had ended up pacing on the other side of the wall that separated Ward Cameron and the rest of his Kook family from the outside world. He was drawn to a place he’d never stepped foot in. He’d only gotten as far as the driveway the one time he road with John B to surprise (Y/N) and pick her up for a rowdy night. They had watched her slip out of her bedroom window and proceed to climb down the enormous tree next to the roof. He’d been enamored by her that night like he was all the time, thrown off by her spontaneity. Every corner JJ turned, he found another reason to fall for this girl. It hadn’t taken him long to decide to hop it once the image of her pretty face remained too long in his imagination. The possibility that she might be a little… hostile about his intrusion didn’t dissuade him.

He’d already been there for a long time, enough to wonder if he’d made the right decision in coming. He started off with sitting down on the same seat the hat was resting on before moving towards the edge of the bed. When time kept passing, he laid down on the comfortable king sized mattress. Then he discarded his articles of clothing until he was in his boxers, not wanting to dirty the comforter. He knows she’d wave off the silliness in that but he didn’t want to taint the pristine state of her bedroom. The ridiculous amount of pillows around his body tempted him into a deep slumber but the concern at how late it was getting and her not arriving put a hold on that. JJ was even getting close to calling Kie when the door had finally opened.

The sight of her hitting her head tugged at the strings of his heart. He was appalled with himself. Feeling unworthy of even being here knowing that he had left her to handle the fallout on her own. No amount of persuading from Kie to give John B a couple of days should of been enough to stop him from greeting her at the door with his outstretched arms when she walked out. But in all honesty, it was his own decision to put off the confrontation with John B and reencounter with (Y/N) after such a heavy revelation. He wouldn’t even blame her if she never wanted to see him again.

But when her shoulders slouched as she turned towards the bed and her weary eyes acclimated to the darkness, JJ didn’t see an ounce of malice hidden in them.

“You know breaking and entering is an arrest-able offense?”

She sounded defeated as her arms found sanctuary in the slot of her back between the door. JJ sat up slightly, resting his back against the cushioned headrest. The fanciest thing he’s probably ever laid on. He let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding in. JJ had expected to be yelled at, maybe thrown an object or two, then kicked out the window or through the door depending on her generosity. Instead of accusations or bitterness, he was met with a thinly veiled playful threat. And that was a million times better than being on her bad side.

“Call the cops on me then.” It was just as much to test out the waters as it was to avoid the topic at hand. It was so painfully obvious to him that things had gone considerably worse than JJ expected when (Y/N) was choosing to engage in some light-hearted banter before he could even bring it up. Which she pretended to contemplate for a moment from where she stayed put against the door. She knew that what he said wasn’t by any means considered lewd language but just because it was JJ and JJ’s voice saying it while fully displaying his six pack under the gleam of the moonlight, her mind went a little off track.

“I knew I probably couldn’t crash at the Chateau and home just..” he didn’t have to continue it. (Y/N) had bought a full sized First Aid kit to keep on hand for whenever JJ would need to be patched up. It was safely stashed away in the bathroom closet at JB’s so that she could tend to his wounds.

(Y/N) pursed her lips fully aware that she hadn’t actually been planning on kicking him out but just the fact that his only option was going to Luke’s if she did left her with a queasy stomach. They watched one another in silence, JJ hanging on to the anticipation of waiting for her reply. When his fingers ran through his hair in an attempt to ease the stress, (Y/N) finally pushed off from the door.

“The left side of the bed is mine,” her eyes flickered to the empty right side and JJ got the hint, “I will be building a Wall of China that you cannot cross. Lock the bathroom door when you use it. The rest of the house is off limits because my dad might have a heart attack if he sees you and Wheezie’s a snitch or a blackmailer depending on her mood and what day of the week it is,” with a lock of the door, she was making her way towards the front of the bed, ��Rafe would just be unpleasant to run into, and this is the most important rule so listen very closely Maybank.. If you turn my fan off, I will make sure you suffer,” bringing attention to the hum of the fan that JJ remembered had indeed been turned on this whole time.

A small amused smile played on JJ’s lips at the list of rules she gave him. He was so engrossed in her every move, still finding her beautiful even in the midst of chaos. It was easier to play this game of pretend, like nothing had happened. As if his presence in her home was somewhat normal. It certainly felt more normal than it should. “Anything else warden?” JJ teased as he scooted over on the bed. (Y/N) rolled her eyes as she came around the corner to lay her phone on the nightstand.

“I’m gonna take a bath so… leave me alone,” she smiled unenthusiastically hooking the phone up to her charger that was awaiting and keeping a cool demeanor. It was becoming increasingly harder to ignore his playful mood, JJ held an unmatched power to distract her from the reality of the situation.

“A bath, huh?”

“Yes a bath.”

“I think you should go to bed like that.”

(Y/N) paused, all too familiar with what it felt like to have his eyes digging into her by now. She knew what he was insinuating, that she should lay down with her cum soaked panties. She didn’t move her gaze away from the nightstand, legs shifting as she felt the wave of heat washing over her. She couldn’t help but curse herself internally, mad at herself for having no control over her reactions.

“I think a bath is what I need.”

“I think sleeping would be much better.”

“I think I’m right.”

“I think you’re wrong.”

Air puffed out from her lips as she turned to face him, meeting his eyes like she had expected to. He was so annoying that (Y/N) could smother him in his sleep with one of her pillows. But the mischief in his eyes was beckoning her over. Seeing as he was unwilling to back down, she figured she could wait until he fell asleep to wash off the remainder of tonight. There was no way to get past JJ when he got this stubborn, not a single word would persuade him otherwise and she knew it.

JJ smiled jubilantly when she puffed up pillows in the middle of the bed to separate them instead of continuing the back and forth. He wouldn’t deny he was mostly eager to have her close again, especially seeing as she was actually letting him stay. Every second next to her felt counted, like his minutes were almost up and he had to soak in every detail. He slid down in the bed again while she moved to the dresser, pulling out a plain, worn out t-shirt. His eyes were on her every move, being able to observe her more than he was normally able to.

(Y/N) wanted to grab a pair of pajamas, or at least pajama shorts since JJ would be sleeping over. But if there was one thing she despised, it was wearing anything other than a simple raggedy t-shirt and panties to bed. She could grab a pair of pajama shorts but she knew if he ended up staying for anything longer than a couple days she’d eventually give in to her irritating body heat and remove them. And considering the fact that JJ had already had the privilege of getting a very clear picture of her lower half naked, there was nothing left to hide.

Still though, as she approached the bed, she twirled her fingers in a circle. Just because she’d be laying down in underwear didn’t mean he needed to see her change.

“Really?” JJ asked like it was stupid to even make him turn around. His eyes moved to her chest then, becoming all too aware of the fact that he hadn’t gotten the chance to see her properly when he bent her over in the Twinkie.

“Seriously.” She didn’t move an inch until JJ, very begrudgingly might she add, faced away from her. Her hand moved to the back of her neck once she was sure that JJ couldn’t see her, undoing the straps with a quick pull. Once the dress was off her body, (Y/N) slipped on the t-shirt. She hadn’t bothered to ruin a fresh pair of panties when she knew she’d be escaping to bathe as soon as he was snoring at her side.

The bed dipped next to him when (Y/N) laid down, but he couldn’t catch a single glimpse of her past the wall of pillows. JJ sighed, glancing upwards at the glow in the dark stars that littered the ceiling. They were cute. It felt like he was getting an insight to her private life. One that he wanted to be a part of. The sleep that had fought him earlier was nowhere to be found. Not when he was in (Y/N)’s house. In her perfectly decorated room. Incapable of falling asleep in her comfy bed with a mountain of pillows when she was laying only a couple of feet from him, with a t-shirt on and his cum inside her.

“Would you stop huffing and puffing over there and just sleep already?” (Y/N) would be lying if she said that was the only thing keeping her up. She had been worried that once her head hit the pillows she would be too exhausted to stay up for a bath. Yet now that she was actually here, she couldn’t stop tossing and turning. The air felt thick enough to the point that she’d even be willing to smoke a blunt to relax. But the weed wouldn’t extinguish this tension, it would probably only heighten it.

“My bad. You’ve just got a stupid amount of pillows here and I can’t seem to catch my breath,” he shrugged his shoulders to himself, tilting back to the pesky wall. JJ found warmth under the covers but craved to get it from her body instead. He knew it was a bad idea but the temptation kept unwinding and growing. The opportunity was there, just how it had been earlier. An idea crept into his mind as he heard her shuffle around. (Y/N) rolled her eyes at the comment, landing on her side that wasn’t in his direction. “And? They’re comfortable,” she explained, even though she really didn’t have to. She bent her elbow to place it under the pillow trying to find the perfect spot to relax in although it seemed to be impossible to accomplish.

JJ’s arm reached out to play with one of tags on the pillow, running it between his fingers. “It’s suffocating is what it is. And there can’t be anything comfortable about living in the North Pole,” referring to the fan hitting them directly at full blast. JJ didn’t actually mind it, he was just enjoying the teasing that was always awarded with some form of response. His fingers started tugging on the tag, focused on dismantling the first obstacle and allowing her hair to become visible.

“Well-,” (Y/N)’s witty response was halted by the small noise that suspiciously sounded like her barrier was being broken through. Her fingers lazily played with the satin sheets acting like she was unaffected. She knew exactly what he wanted but refused to give in. “I’ll make sure to remind them to tidy up your five star room in prison if you keep complaining.”

JJ chuckled, removing the second pillow with more ease now that the one above it had been tossed behind him. Her backside was in sight now, hair loose and sprawled messily above the white of her bedsheets. The t-shirt had settled into the dip of her hips, making his tongue poke out to wet his bottom lip. There was something different about being here. Something that was charging his body with electricity. “You’d never turn me in.”

“It’s never too late,” (Y/N) breathed out in a hurry as the ruffling behind her increased. Her pulse jumped anticipating JJ’s next move. It was bewildering how much he disrupted her system on a cellular level. He hadn’t even touched her and she was finding it hard to inhale normally knowing that he’d be upon her soon. It should’ve been easy to reach behind her and chastise him for breaking her rules not even 20 minutes in, but it was actually aggravatingly challenging to do so.

“You want me to-,” suddenly, without warning, his defined chest was pressing into her back, evoking a loud hitch in her breath, “grab your phone for you to call?” JJ’s fingers crawled onto the tip of her curve, softly dipping a pointer finger under the lacy fabric. Her skin felt so soft and pliant. Her body quivered under him, only invigorating him. JJ’s lowered voice was much closer to her making her ankles lock together tightly. He was attempting to distract her with his words, very well knowing that she’d never be capable of such a thing.

“JJ you can’t do that,” she completely disregarded the question now, her entire mind faltering from the way his solid chest felt against her back. Despite her protest, she didn’t lift a feather to stop him. Not even her voice was convincing. Her own heart was beating rapidly against her rib cage. They had already done this dance earlier and it had led to a huge fallout. Possibly irreparable damage. Except he was some sort of magician, that made her lose her sanity with the flick of a wand. There was no mistaking the way she got lost in the waves of blue in his eyes on the ride back to the Chateau. She had almost gotten on her knees right then and there with no care on Earth for those around them.

JJ caught on to the affect he had on her like the true devil he was. “Why?” His body flawlessly molded into the crook of her back like he’s always belonged there. Hand taking its time moving around the arch of her hip and downward to knead into the flesh in an achingly cruel way that had her head spinning. A pitiful whine was held back so that it wouldn’t fuel the desire swirling between them. But it was hard to do so when he was consuming her senses. His masculine smell bear-hugging her, his touch sending shivers down her spine.

“Because- Because John-,”

“John B isn’t here (Y/N),” JJ knew that was his best friend, but damn if he heard John B’s name one more time, “he’s already mad. What’s a second time gonna hurt?” His hand proceeded to move upwards, making a straight line up the side of her body and inching her shirt off along with it. She didn’t think her heart could palpate with anymore vigor than it was. (Y/N) was struggling to keep up the façade, JJ had already slithered his way past her pillow barrier and was doing the same to the imaginary one surrounding her. She must’ve fully warped under his spell because something logical coming from JJ couldn’t be right. “Then stop because it’s wrong,” her voice was higher pitched, waiting for the arrival of JJ’s unforgiving fingers on her breasts.

But JJ was villainous. Intent on unraveling her. He only managed to get one of her breasts to pop out, the other half of her chest still covered while his hand lifted up slightly so only the pad of his finger was tracing the outline of her side boob. There was a familiar neediness spreading inside that plagued her. She went from wanting to off him to reeling from his teasing. He refused to give in to her because she was obviously yearning for him in a similar fashion. And he’d make her admit it. Make her beg for it as many times as he pleased. “That’s not how this game works Princess,” he tsked into the space between her neck and her ear, fanning his hot breath down her heaving cleavage.

His tone was disapproving, like she should know better than that now. “The only way I’m stopping (Y/N), is if you tell me to. Tell me it would’ve made no difference which one of us found you first. Tell me right now you aren’t soaking between your legs.” JJ needed to hear it almost as much as he needed oxygen to survive. If she didn’t want him to abandon whatever was erupting between them, she needed to say it. If she didn’t want him in the same way he desperately needed, he’d get dressed, leave, and stay far away from her and John B. But he doesn’t know if he’d be able to handle that form of banishment from her life.

Luckily for him, her resolve weakened with the swipe of his tongue against her earlobe and the hidden fear making its way into his voice. She pushed the side of her face into the fluffiness of her pillow in a last ditch effort to remain passive while her body went headfirst into the sinful pleasure, pressing her bottom into his hardening length. Her breathing stuttered hearing the deep groan it illicited from him. It was instant relief for the both of them, her pussy clenching at the feel of his erection digging into her. JJ couldn’t explain how hot it was to see her fight her own bodily desire for him. “I can’t tell you that,” she barely got out. The sensual touches and intentional build up had her thighs sliding together. Breathing around him was something her body forgot how to do.

JJ’s forehead fell onto her shoulder, matching her heavy breaths now that she was confirming what he so badly wanted to hear. He grasped her exposed tit, tugging until her back was arching along with it. Incapable of refraining himself with her submitting to him. “JJ,” she gasped out feeling a pull on the back of her shirt where it was stuck under her side. “Tell me what you need then,” he commanded in the very same tone from earlier that made her vision hazy and brain foggy.

“I need you J,” her body relinquished control with a small whine, obeying his orders by lifting up slightly from the bed to remove the t-shirt. She moved to face him, wanting nothing more than to run her fingers over the surface of his toned physique, but JJ used the grip on her breast to return her to her previous position. They weren’t in a rush this time. There was no boyfriend expecting her to return. No one to answer to in the dead of night. JJ had the advantage of time and he didn’t want to waste the opportunity.

His crotch rutting into her once in tandem with the flick of his finger over her nipple caused her mouth to drop open and a shudder to overtake her. “That’s how much I need you (Y/N),” he moaned, making her keen while his teeth grazed her shoulder blade. Every bit of her was intoxicating, like an addicting drug he was handing over his willpower to. The temptation was too much to handle. His fingers finally skimmed to the top of her panties, sliding under the thin material with ease and urgency. (Y/N) tilted her knee upwards so that he had more space at his disposal, fully letting herself succumb to JJ.

The second his hand connected with her slick mound her long eyelashes fluttered, a deep groan paving its way out. His index and middle finger slid around her clit, putting pressure on it by pressing into the sides. His semen mixing with her arousal allowed JJ to glide his fingers up and down with ease. “Oh f-fuck,” she sputtered out arm hastily wrapping around his. JJ was more vocal this time, moaning again from the feel of her sodden pussy. It urged him to grind up against her again finding relief in the contour of her body.

JJ’s free arm snuck it’s way under her neck, curving enough to be able to reach her hardened nipple. He twisted and squeezed relentlessly until he heard her cry out from the stimulation. His lips laid open mouthed kisses around her shoulders, sucking slightly with every pause. JJ didn’t falter though, he pulled on her nipple while adding extra pressure to her clit as he continued to stroke his fingers through her velvety folds. Her strangled moans were making his hard on throb from how wrecked she already sounded. (Y/N) couldn’t put together a single thought in her head, only feel the pleasure exploding inside her like fireworks.

“Fuck you feel so good, dripping again for me. Still leaking my cum,” JJ could no longer hold back as he sunk his teeth into the same spot of her upper body that he had been abusing, biting down until there was a metallic flavor soothing his tastebuds. His tongue licked up the wound, a carnal instinct forcing him to do something he never had even imagined would turn him on. However, the action sent him onto cloud nine, a high like no other. A groan vibrating against the broken skin.

Never had somebody bit her before and yet there was an embarrassing amount of slickness added to the mess between her legs. Her mouth gaped, opening with a high pitched, “Ah”. His muscles flexed under her grip as his fingers moved with more urgency feeling the result of what his action did to her. He couldn’t explain the feeling bursting inside his chest at the fact that she glowed under his barbaric behavior. (Y/N)’s head tilted to the side where JJ met her cheek with his nose. Face contorted from the waves of pain jolting through her that were mixing in with the ones of pleasure crashing into her mercilessly.

Her legs intertwined with his, tightening around his calves in order to receive some sort of grounding through the ferocity of his actions. “You like that? Like when I use my fingers to make you feel good?” JJ purred through hooded blue eyes watching her bottom lip tremble from the pleasure. He was vicious in his assaults, having to stop her thighs from shutting with a knee into the crease of her ass. As much as he wanted to shove his fingers into her hungry cunt, he wanted to make her fall apart by just playing with the sensitive nub. “Yes, love it J, I-,” her mouth paused while open, hips jutting out as JJ quickened his pace. She wanted to tell him she wouldn’t last long but he wasn’t letting her breathe.

“Is this what you were imagining in the van? My fingers inside of you, my tongue licking every inch of your pussy?” JJ murmured making her back straighten out and hearing her wheeze when he switched to a circular motion and back. Her previous orgasms had already been so intense that she was at risk of slipping away in the ecstasy. Her toes curled around the edge of the bedsheet panting into the air. (Y/N) was fully immersed in the vehement drag of his fingers and the hot puffs of air that electrified her skin. “Stay here f’me,” it was JJ’s dominating tone mixing with one of uneasiness that lulled her out of the fog, “that’s it pretty girl. Answer my question.”

He coerced a response out of her before she could drift away from him. JJ’s fingers switching to figure eight motions as she arched her back with a particularly loud yelp of his name then returning to the previous movement before she had time to adjust. Watching her so worked up had his cock aching to find its way back into her. His precum was forming a new stain in his boxers from the intensity of their hushed words and the symphony of her fluctuating breaths and resounding moans. He wanted to sheathe himself with her cunt until she become too stupid to speak almost as much as he enjoyed watching her surrender her satisfaction to him. “All I.. All I could think about was you.”

“Fuck,” JJ cracked, steadily building up the momentum so that he was rubbing his clothed dick against her. “Bet you would’ve let me rail you in front of them- let me clean your soaked pussy and then fuck your throat dry,” he grunted finding the release he was desperate for as he slid in the slit of her ass. The sensation flooded every fiber of her being, words bringing out her kinks as confirmed by the tightening of her pussy around him. “Yes,” she admitted with watering eyes. JJ’s control was slipping, acting like a teenage boy with raging hormones as he dry humped her desperately spurred on by her confession. She was open just the perfect amount for his hard tip to probe against her tight back entrance. The fabric of the boxers between them being the only thing stopping him. Her eyes were the only thing that moved to find his darkened ones in a wary haste. By the quick lock of their gaze, her wide eyes told JJ those were uncharted waters. “I’m gonna destroy your ass next.”

All it took was the exquisite combination of an adjustment of his finger and a brush of his nose against her cheek. The lively movements of his rutting alongside the lewd promise of exploring more of her body. Another meaningful jab at her bundle of nerves and she was seeing white hot fury littered with black specks behind her eyes. “Holy fuck JJ,” she panted with a whine, losing any thought process in the climax that made her nerve endings burst. The unexpected strength she had to close her legs forced JJ’s knee from its place but his fingers didn’t lose the relentless pace. She rode out her high with sharp breathing, crying his name out through the ripples of her orgasm. Her entire body squirming during his softening pace to ease her back.

He issued an uncanny amount of praises into her ear that she was only able to hear the end of. Gulping air in chunks to feed her lungs. JJ was absolutely gone for her, his insides doing cartwheels at the sound of his name during her apex. The way her face twisted, body turning into a writhing mess, it was all thanks to his doing. (Y/N) didn’t notice him all-consumed by her, absorbing every ounce of her undoing. Her hand that wasn’t wrapped in his arm, reached over to grip his hair that had sweaty ends matted to his forehead. “Doing so. fucking. well. f’me, such a good girl,” he praised with repeated eskimo kisses to her cheek. The neglected emotions seeping out through the affectionate action were far too much to handle in the daze. She wanted to scream from the overpowering feeling.

JJ slowed his movements to give her a moment to calm down. His lips took advantage of her tilted head to curve around her jawline and press gentle kisses that made seemingly soft impressions on her skin. He had initially intended on making this an entire night thing, but it has been almost an entire night. His greediness couldn’t ignore that she almost rode off into a space he couldn’t reach her at. And that his cock was in dire risk of ceasing to exist.

When her eyes became more focused and face met his, their heads tilted to clash together. Any instructions JJ had for her became mute as she read his mind and flipped her body over without breaking the kiss. A lip-numbing, teeth clashing with need, tongue fighting kiss that took away any breath she had managed to catch. It recharged her drained energy to full power.

His hand moved to brutally squeeze at her other boob. Their bodies pushing one another back with every frenzied attempt to be closer. His head would force her to bend her neck backwards as he lifted up into her before she was leaning forward and putting him in the same position. Retreating only to catch a second of air before going back to the same. It was in the middle of the disorder that JJ was able to dislodge his boxers from his body. (Y/N) maneuvered out of the last piece of clothing that was now being unjustly held accountable for the fact that she just couldn’t get close enough. He flipped her onto her back, bleeding into the slot between her legs that he would swear was made for him.

JJ propped up onto his elbows to break the kiss, lungs in need of taking in air. She moved to chase him with her lips but he rose up higher making her head plop back down. (Y/N) let out a disgruntled noise, about to break out into hives if he didn’t get inside her. Her body was sore, close to surpassing her limit but she wanted to feel full of him. Wanted to him to use her to reach levels of pleasure that he hadn’t experienced yet. But his eyes did a soft lulling once over of her naked body, halting her pleas. Months of playful prodding at the other, lingering glances, and shyly stealing innocent touches at random times had all progressed to this day. To the moment that he could take in all of her, in every way possible.

Then he repeated it. Analyzing. Memorizing. Mulling over every detail that might seem insignificant to someone else but it was everything to him.

Now that he was above her, the only thing he was capable of doing was concentrate on every detail of her body. The curvature of her perky boobs, the dampness pooling at her core, the glossy look in her eyes. His hand moved flat down her stomach, leaving a trail of tingles behind. The way she let her body be conquered by his touch left him speechless. After spending what felt like a lifetime living in the shadow of her presence, his chest was close to caving in under the reciprocation of his emotions. “You’re gorgeous,” he spoke in disbelief that someone like her would ever let someone like him taint her innocence, but she was anything except that. (Y/N) was his sweet, filthy girl. His thumb grazed against her pelvic bone before spreading her legs onto the surface of the bed to look further down. He caught sight of her pluckered nub poking past her folds, entire vagina slippery with the arousal and cum that was everywhere from the stained sheets to her inner thighs. JJ had to physically hold back a guttural noise stopping himself before he leaned down and stuffed his entire face into her.

She gnawed on her reddened bottom lip, overwhelmed with the admiration and desire in his eyes. “J,” she pleaded softly, close to liquefying under the fortitude of his stare. It was only JJ that had her mewling, entrapping her in a bubble of fantasies and a four letter word dangerously close to spilling from her lips with just a glance. The intensity of the raw emotion was close to suffocating her. (Y/N) couldn’t take it any longer, lifting her bottom from the bed to grab his attention attempting to sway him back to the task at hand. The pressing of his knuckles on her bruised inner thigh let her know it worked. His eyes seemed to refocus on her glistening center. JJ’s hand wrapped around the hilt of his length, pumping his length over her pelvic bone. “Look at that baby- that’s how deep I’m gonna be,” he taunted, the end of solid member close to her belly button. Before she had time to react, he was swiping up her vagina to collect his cum and her juices on his head before smearing it with a downward swipe and strangled, “fuck.”

“Oh,” (Y/N)’s shaky voice spoke over his, an iron grip forming on the bed sheets at her sides. Her back arched as a breathless moan escaped her when he didn’t stop. Every swipe just barely teased her with the tip sliding past her folds, giving her a minuscule taste only to move away. Her hips moved to meet his but he didn’t show mercy. “So fucking messy. Look so pretty when you’re so dirty,” the corner of his lip tugged up, relishing in her undoing. Inflicting as much torture as he had felt from not being able to just grab her when he wanted to. The sloshing sound was so fowl, so lewd and vicious that it was the only thing they could hear. “Please JJ, need your cock. Need it, I need it so bad, please-.”

“Do you? Never knew you were such a cockslut (Y/N),” he cut her off, one particular swipe against her bundle of nerves tightened the muscles in her belly. The unappeasable JJ was back, the one that knew what spots to hit inside of her. Even though he was close to cracking as evident by the way his pace lapsed, he still kept himself in check to drive her mad. And it worked. It sent her into a rant of incomprehensible pleas. (Y/N) was teary-eyed, turning into a puddle under his attack. JJ’s dirtiness had her leaking, mind fuzzy in an unexplainable way. She wanted nothing more than to please him again. (Y/N) doesn’t think she’s ever felt like this before. Like she would cry and beg and offer anything she could to get JJ’s cock inside of her.

“So fucking greedy for more even though I fucked you already. Guess I didn’t do a good enough job, huh? Should I just stop then?” JJ taunted her in a coo that made her shake her head frantically. If he hadn’t already been rock hard, the desperation in her eyes would’ve done the job in a matter of seconds. “Yes- wait… no- JJ,” (Y/N) whined unable to put the words together. She wanted to say he was crazy. That of course he’d done a fucking phenomenal job. That she feels floaty and would wail if he stopped right now. There was just no way she could use so many words at once. That stupid smirk on his face proved he was just trying to be a complete menace right now. “Just a dumb Princess for me now,” he sounded like he’d won a prize, like he was awarded some major accomplishment.

JJ laid his body over hers like a blanket, shielding every part of it and effortlessly snuffing out her panic. His composure was rapidly deteriorating, matching her need for their bodies to fuse together. His tip slipped between her puffy folds, hearing her stutter. “There?” JJ’s hot breath tingled her lips at the new proximity. (Y/N) nodded, hands suddenly coming to life from next to her to feel over his honey tinted pecks. “There,” that was definitely a word she could formulate as he paused to capture her eyes. The rest of the world stilled around them.

JJ buried himself past her resistance, stretching her open until the front of his thighs connected with the inside of hers and ripped a groan out of himself. He was convinced the ethereal feeling of her walls confining him was the same one people felt upon arriving to heaven. Before he could even move, her ankles met above his butt. She was a mess of pleas and whimpers, only trying to get JJ deeper into her as if his head wasn’t already pushing against her cervix and turning her into mush. He moaned against her lips, both touching but wide open against the other from the intensity. She was so wet and easy to slide slip into without prep. Still tight and constricting around him even after their encounter. No matter how hard it was to do, JJ’s blue swirls prompted her to keep her eyes open. He refused to look away as his hips pulled away gradually only to thrust forward again. And then again.

“Fuck,” JJ grunted, this time setting a slower yet unimaginably rough pace. He rocked into her with every ounce of strength he had left. Her fingernails found refuge in the indent between his collarbone and shoulder, digging in so harshly there’d be crescent moon impressions left over. While his found refuge in the roots of her hair, tangling into the long wavy strands. JJ used that grip to strengthen his thrusts. He could see it in her fragile features, the cloudiness in her eyes, and the airy moans that left her. She was almost gone and he’d barely even gotten started with her. “Guess what (Y/N)? You’re just taking it at this point, letting me do whatever the hell I want and fuck my cum back into your cunt like such a good little whore.”

(Y/N) keened at his vulgarity, soaking it in, the hand that wasn’t on his shoulder came to life. Roaming every inch of his body from the defined lines of his torso to the tensed muscles on his shoulders. She hadn’t gotten the chance to do that properly, to get drunk on the smooth skin that she’d been aching to wander for months. He was worth painting in this moment, sweat beading on his skin, building at the tip of his nose, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, perfectly shaped lips slightly parted, darkened blue eyes refusing to look anywhere but her. She could’ve came just from the sight.

He was becoming more and more vocal at her unabashed discovery of his body and the new emotion swirling in her eyes, moaning deeply against her lips. This wasn’t the same as their raunchy quickie in the Twinkie, here he could dig into her until his head was visible at her stomach and repeat the motion for hours. Pull out when they got close and then start right back up as soon as they came down if he pleased. It would be such a fat lie to say that he wasn’t getting off on her wandering touch and dreamy look, the way it seemed like she’d been longing to have him near. JJ adjusted the tiniest bit to increase the torturously deep thrusting while still maintaining a calculated speed that had her seeing stars. “Yes, yes,” (Y/N) whimpered out trembling as her fingers paused at his hips to squeeze. Her hypersensitive center was clamping down on his throbbing dick welcoming the new depth.

JJ was jabbing at her cervix ruthlessly, sliding against her velvet walls, reaching crevices she hadn’t known existed. Hitting the spot inside of her that sent her heels digging into the bed and toes curling. And like the criminal he was, JJ’s hand found the crook of her left knee forcing her leg up to reach even deeper. His balls constricted, all too close to finishing. “That’s it, yeah- yes- right there,” JJ was deaf to everything except the obscene sloshing sounds coming from between them and the impure filth intertwining with their muffled words. It was the only thing that could be heard from her room.

“JJ I-,” her high pitched whine fell off, not able to recall what she had intended to say. The heat in her core was seconds away from snapping like a rubber band. He was clouding every inch of her mind and every corner of her body. (Y/N)’s senses were experiencing a dramatic overload that left her repeating one single name in her mind. JJ. “I know- I know pretty girl,” he soothed patronizingly, walls tightening around him at the use of a pet name. He couldn’t help the grunt and snap of his hips upwards. “You’re so close (Y/N). Squeezing- fuck- my cock. Want me to fill your pretty little pussy again?”

Her hands shot out to grab at his muscular back, clawing lines down the smooth, fresh skin that had him hissing. JJ lost it, the sensually deep pace he had maintained turning into sloppier thrusts as she marked him this time. His shark necklace knocked into her chin with every upwards slam into her. The sight of it dangling down his neck was a turn on by itself. “Answer me,” JJ’s tone was dominant, the hand in her hair yanked at it as he made her glazed over eyes focus on him and not the necklace. His face was almost red, eyes dark and demanding as his hair tickled her forehead. “You need my cock and cum Princess, but do you want it?” JJ slammed into her, emphasizing every choice word, “You want me? I’ll make you cum right now, if you tell me who you want (Y/N).” JJ didn’t have (or want) to say his name since they both knew who he was referring to. Who the two choices were. His entire mind, body, and soul ached to know the answer and the devil on his shoulder used this moment to get it.

(Y/N)’s mouth opened and closed like a fish’s. The endorphins washing over her through his cruelly delicious attack made it hard to string a sentence. But the response was all too easy. He owned her. Even if karma was righteous and she never got the chance to give her whole self to him sexually and emotionally, JJ still held claim to her heart and pleasure no matter how much he doubted it. “Yo-,” she didn’t have to finish it. JJ’s arms wrapped under her shoulders, holding his body against hers until they could feel their hearts pounding inside. He jerked his hips into her, surpassing the rhythm he had set for himself. He was barely pulling out at this point, only an inch or two escaping before he was plunging back into her. That was all it took for both of them to fall apart.

His pelvic bone pressured her clit in just the right way for her eyes to roll to the back of her head. (Y/N)’s jaw went limp, hands finding JJ’s blonde locks and clinging for dear life as every single muscle in her body clenched. Her fifth orgasm of the night hit her like a car crashing into a brick wall at two hundred miles per hour, lifting her into a blissed out state with the wracking waves of pleasure. She shook in his grasp, reaching a high like no other as everything went silent around her. A broken high pitched noise and his loud moan vibrating against her is the last thing she heard.

JJ felt his cock squeezed by her spasming pussy, sending him over his own edge a second later. His mind fully warped around the sensation, eyes squeezing shut. “Holy.. fuck,” he exclaimed in a raspy voice while bulldozing into her in sync with his knee moving upwards and holding her lifted leg against the bed harshly. Their peaks magnified by the rawness of their feelings that had boiled over. Thick spurts of JJ’s cum coating her insides as he nuzzled his head into the crook of her neck. Bright dots littered his vision from the vigorous orgasm that claimed every part of him from the bottoms of his feet to the vein protruding in his neck.

Neither one of them even realized when JJ’s thrusts became lazier, losing energy as he came down. His pants coming out short and heavy onto her skin. The arms that had wrapped around her weakened their hold from the exhaustion setting in. He stilled at some point, breathing in the sweat of their sins and the scent of her floral perfume that lingered on the sheets around them consuming JJ’s senses. Laying with her in his arms still felt like a fever dream. If not for the mess they had made, JJ would’ve let them fall asleep right there. Kept himself snug and warm with her cunt. But he sluggishly lifted himself up instead having a promise to keep, his eyes finding their way to her face.

She was looking straight through everything in her line of sight like she was in a dreamlike state. That’s when he noticed how relaxed her body was beneath him, the shallow breathing. She’d been too quiet and hadn’t even lifted a finger to touch him. “Hey (Y/N)?” JJ murmured bringing his hand up to cup her cheek gently, caressing it with his thumb. He scanned over her face in confusion. It took a moment to realize it only because he couldn’t really believe it. More so doubting his capabilities. But seeing how far away she looked, JJ had to know he had fucked her into subspace. “(Y/N)?” JJ repeated a little louder realizing if he had, he certainly didn’t know how to pull her out of it. Panic began to settle in as his other hand went to her hair again, stroking through it with care and tenderness. “Hey Princess come back for me? It’s JJ,” the thought of having to call the one person who might know made him want to bury his fist in the closest wall.

She blinked once.

The hands offering solace and comfort were the first things she felt.

Then she blinked twice.

His honey-like voice urging her to return to him right before the glowing stars stuck to her ceiling began to look brighter.

Then finally her unfocused eyes were looking back at him. The fingers tangling through strands of her hair with a sense of uneasiness and his gentle voice asking for her was the only thing that managed to reach her. (Y/N) had never felt like that before, like she was transcending elsewhere. An out of body experience that she’d be unable to describe if asked. “JJ?” she mumbled, breathing a little heavier now. “What happened?” she questioned as he looked at her with sudden bewilderment which made her a little nervous. “You don’t know what happened? You’ve never reached subspace before?” She could hear it in his voice. The surprise that she’d done it with him and the boost of ego that came with not having done it with John B. The blush on her cheeks spread quickly, eyes closing as she buckled under his intense stare. (Y/N) was still basking in the glow from their shared orgasm which made it harder to think but she knew the answer.

She truthfully never had. There was times with John B she thought she might, but she’d been laced with uncertainty. (Y/N) would slow them down before her mind could wander off. It was always what she considered to be an irrational fear since John B would realistically never let something happen to her, but with JJ she had willingly let it happen. No, subconsciously, let it happen. Her body hadn’t fought it at all. “I’ve- no. I’ve never done that,” she admitted in a whisper looking anywhere but him. But his fingers found her chin, tilting her head back to him so their eyes could meet. The lust was replaced with something that (Y/N) had never seen in them before. Something she would call love if it didn’t sound absolutely insane. JJ Maybank in love with her. “S’not a big deal,” she tried to act like it wasn’t but it certainly felt like it.

JJ nodded carefully, acting with caution as she retreated back into her thoughts. He knew her too well by now. When things scared (Y/N), she’d pull away from them. She’d let her overthinking do the work before risking herself getting hurt. He didn’t want to push her back into her shell now. Not now that he had gotten a taste of her. That he had managed to open her up more than. Usually it was him running from any form of commitment, yet here he was practically salivating for it. “Yeah,” he sounded unconvinced but (Y/N) was glad he didn’t dwell on it. He winced as she shifted, his softening member grazing against her walls making her eyes flutter and plump lips part. “Tired?” JJ’s softness wasn’t easy to ignore considering she was used to his hard exterior hiding his emotions. They hadn’t actually gotten to this part earlier. JJ had to rush back before John B suspected anything while she had given herself the mercy of a couple of minutes to gather herself.

“Yeah,” (Y/N) breathed out letting her eyes close softly, still feeling the aftershocks of her intense orgasm and hopelessly attempting to run away from the thoughts in her mind. JJ did know her too well. Her eyes squeezed tighter as she felt JJ pull out, another round of their juices sneaking down between her crack and onto the bed. She might have to change the whole mattress honestly. JJ had to bite back an audible noise that wanted to spill out from the sight of it. His shiny, slick dick twitched below him. After cumming twice, he doesn’t understand how she holds enough power over him to illicit a response like this. JJ was capable of fucking her again if given the opportunity. But her sleepy eyes gave her away. They were both exhausted.

He moved farther away, only to pick her up bridal style from where she lay earning a low gasp. “What’re you doing?” (Y/N) mumbled, lacking the strength to fight him off at this present time. Her arms wound around his neck quickly in fear of diving headfirst into her oak wood floor but she had a feeling he wouldn’t let that happen. The muscles in his arms flexed as he walked her into the bathroom, only confusing her more. “I owe you a bath,” JJ stated like it was obvious when he saw her bewildered expression, leaning down to sit her onto the bathtub gently. Her heart felt tight in her chest having completely forgotten about her bath. All in all, it would’ve been pointless had she taken it earlier with JJ always getting his way.

She watched as he leaned down to switch the warm water on, closing the drain when it was at a nice temperature. The water crept through her toes first before touching the underside of her thigh. (Y/N) sighed at the way it soothed her aching skin and throbbing mound. He went to push the lid down on the toilet, eyeing it and lifting an eyebrow when it lowered gently. Kooks, he thought instantly. JJ turned to face her and take a seat. “You’re not getting in?” The question startled him, like that’s not what he’d been planning on doing whatsoever. “Uhm- I can… Figured I’d just give you one so you could get to bed and I’ll go after,” there he went again, tugging on emotions that she’d spent months hiding under a rug. She couldn’t get it through her head, why JJ was evoking a reaction from her that she didn’t know existed, one that didn’t compare to John B. If she thought she had loved JB then what was this? Fooling herself into believing that words during sex were simply just that was becoming impossible.

“I mean- s’a bit silly? I’m already in here.. You need sleep too. Might as well get in,” she tilted her head slightly, glancing at him with such fondness that could take his breath away. JJ swallowed as he stood up and slid inside behind her, finding the same relief in his joints that she had. She scooted backwards until their bodies were touching, laying back onto his solid chest with closed eyes. His body relaxed as she decided what boundaries they could cross outside of sex. They let the running water fill the comfortable silence as they nestled into each other. A conversation about where this was leading was probably in order, but it was easier to remain ignorant. To stay quiet in hopes of stretching out the moment in case it didn’t last.

JJ’s fingers danced on the edge of her thigh until they gradually spread for him. He traced around the bruise he’d left her close to apologizing for the purple emerging but also finding pride in being the one that left it on her. It dawned on him that John B could’ve seen it earlier if he had found out the way JJ had intended him to. His eyes peered over her features curiously, wondering if she had actually listened to his sex induced demand. He felt guilty now that it was John B’s girlfriend he had done that to. (Y/N) who wouldn’t hurt a fly unless it had messed with her own. His long-time best friend who he had betrayed in a way he wouldn’t wish upon his worst enemy. But his feelings for her made him act out in the moment instead of apologize. Made him want to rub it in JB’s face that her pleasure belonged to him. He let out a soft sigh, wanting to ask but lacking the courage. Her body was rising and falling in rhythm with his breathing, being covered by the water as it continued to rise. The bathroom fell quiet again as she peeked her eyes open to extend her foot and turn the handle off.

Once she did, her eyes fell on the place JJ’s fingers were making her skin shiver. With his other hand, he reached for her expensive looking body wash on the edge of the tub and the washcloth dangling close to their heads. She watched inquisitively as he dipped the rag in water squeezing the excess away and poured an ungracious amount of soap which made her giggle. He finally cracked a smile at that, leaving the bottle open as he set it back down. If JJ could get her to make that noise every day, it might just all be worth it in the end.

He began to lather her upper body first, feeling her jump slightly against him when his fingers grazed over her abused nipples. It felt nice though, domestic even. Him washing off the remnants of their day from her body. If only it was as easy to erase the memories. “I have to talk to him tomorrow,” she was the first to interrupt the silence making his smile falter and disappear like it’d never been there in the first place. He didn’t respond for a minute, just continuing to glide the washcloth over her thigh then down. He wiped meticulously between her legs knowing she was overly sensitive there now which was confirmed by the way her thighs went to shut but he stopped them.

“‘Bout what?” he didn’t mean it to be such a broad question but the snort she responded with made him aware of it. JJ knew what she wanted to discuss, he just didn’t know how to ask whether it’ll end with them breaking up officially or attempting to reconcile. (Y/N) wanted to pretend like he was being oblivious on purpose and not like she was reading into what was really going on. (Y/N)’s mind was muddled by the delicate way he was cleaning her off and the zero control she showed around him. Truthfully, she’d been inwardly swaying between the two boys for too long now.

(Y/N) shrugged her shoulders half-heartedly, watching his hand move down her tilted leg. The air felt heavy with the words spoken during intimacy. After being so forthcoming about who she’d choose, JJ still had an unwarranted fear that she would retract. Blame everything on the fact that she was lost chasing her high. He’d obviously excelled in that department, granting her with several orgasms but who she needed emotionally was still poking at him. It was an unintentionally loaded question that left her feeling anxious inside. “Don’t know yet.”

JJ didn’t speak again after that, he simply kept up his goal of bathing her. The washcloth smoothed over the bite on her shoulder making her whimper and throb at the same time. JJ was astonished with himself, finding it hard to believe he’d been capable of doing actual damage. But (Y/N)’s breathing was a tiny bit heavier, eyes opened halfway as she attempted to conceal how she felt about it. He had picked up on enough of her cues to know she had thrived off of it, during sex and now. JJ inhaled through his nose, free hand moving to tug at his cock slightly that had twitched. He wanted to do more, bite her thighs until his teeth tore through the flesh and tinted her tan with crimson red. Then soothe the skin with his tongue before repeating the act on her other thigh. Now that he had her, his possessiveness had gone into hyperdrive. Satiated only by the idea of his bite mark on her delicate skin.

Once she was covered in suds and the passion fruit smell filled his senses, he used the same washcloth on himself trying to distract and recollect himself before his animalistic kink was mentioned. (Y/N) had lifted up slightly allowing him to clean his front section too lost in her own mind to notice his revelation. She wanted to be the one to wash him, travel his body in the same way but by the time she got done overthinking, he seemed about done. She tugged on her bottom lip softly, opening the drain again to let out the dirty water. JJ sat up behind her and poured shampoo onto his hand before slipping his fingers through her wet hair unexpectedly. His fingers scratched softly at the scalp hearing a content hum from the girl in front of him. This was out of the norm for him, putting so much effort into aftercare. Girls would leave his room before he put any thought into them needing even a shower or rest. He was a dick and a player. He was well aware of that. JJ was also well aware that he wasn’t a dick and a player when it came to her.

He repeated the steps with the conditioner after washing her hair out with the clean water she was filling the bathtub up with. Before JJ could do it for himself, (Y/N) was turning around in between his legs and taking the shampoo from his grasp. She wouldn’t let the chance slip through her fingers. “You’ll smell like me,” she warned with a teasing smile softening the worry etched in their faces. JJ just stared at her. The lines on her forehead, the curve of her button nose, the undeserving kindness she showed him. Then he shrugged in the same manner she had. “Good,” he replied without a second thought to it making her blush reappear on her cheeks and down her neck.

(Y/N)’s soft hands ran shampoo through the blonde forcing his eyes to shut and an embarrassing moan to escape. But she giggled again. An onslaught of butterflies in his abdomen making him feel queasy. How could he really feel bad for his actions when everything inside of him turned into mush around her. “Never had someone wash your hair before?” It was supposed to be a joke but JJ gave her a small nod as he let his body relax from her touch. “Guess it’s a night of firsts,” he murmured reminding her that he’d been the first to drop her. She let out a shaky breath as he sunk into the water to wash off the shampoo.

He lifted out from the water, barely having a chance to rub the water out of his eyes before soft lips were finding his. There was no delay as he kissed her back, arms wrapping around her loosely to pull her closer. He straightened out his legs so that she could slide onto his lap with ease. Her fingers tangled in his hair that now looked a little darker from the water. They tugged tentatively, willing him to open his mouth for her. Her chest pressed against his just a little tighter as they deepened the kiss. He relinquished control under her, letting her continue to guide the pace they were moving at. Her tongue slid against his, tasting him.

The kiss grew lazy, mouths moving against one another for the sole purpose of being able to in the private confines of her bathroom. His hands found the curves of her waist, sliding over them to her back and then down to grab handfuls of her ass. He lifted her closer to him centers aligning as she gasped into the kiss. She moved slightly but one of JJ’s hands found sanctuary wound around her throat. He pulled (Y/N) back to him, lips melting into a more meticulous kiss. He licked between her lips once, then twice with a particularly jarring squeeze to her ass cheek. She complied more willing than she gave away. JJ’s tongue circled hers, groaning as she began to pull away. (Y/N) kept their forehead and noses connected. “J?” she mumbled resting her palms on his torso and digging her fingers in softly.

“Yeah?” he breathed out reaching forward slightly in attempt to catch her lips again but she didn’t let him. “Conditioner?” she asked which made him chuckle and shake his head slightly without pulling away. JJ kept his hands in place and used them to stand up with her, water pouring down from both their bodies while she scrambled to find a grip on his shoulders. “You think my dad buys shampoo and conditioner? Think I’m good with shampoo,” he didn’t mean it like that, but the pang of guilt and sadness hit her nonetheless. JJ didn’t even bother to empty out the bath water just to check that no more was falling in, ignoring her chirps of protest once he led them out of the bathroom.

“JJ- my bed. I swear-.”

“Swear what?”

He hovered her above the clean side of the mattress, a mischievous smirk finding its way. “I-I..,” she couldn’t come up with a rebuttal fast enough before he was dropping onto the bed with her and laying them down. (Y/N) wanted to be mad but a laugh is what came out instead as he tugged her close against him, facing one another. “Too slow,” he deemed letting the pillows pave a way to the drowsiness kicking in. He didn’t expect it to happen so quickly but he really was worn out. JJ’s blue eyes began to flutter in front of her and she laid her hand on his cheek gently. All it took was that for them to close completely.

(Y/N) took in this freshly washed version of JJ getting comfy in her bed. She’d be in so much trouble if her dad caught them. He was used to John B. Accepting of his daughter dating a Pogue because they’d become well aquatinted together while working on The Druthers. But JJ Maybank? Son of the town drunk who was notorious for stealing and picking fights with anyone in his life including JJ? He’d have a heart attack from his hatred toward Luke and JJ, who he had already had a couple of run ins with at the Island Club. Although, no matter how much trouble she could get into, he still looked unbearably cute releasing soft puffs of air her way.

“Look whose tired now,” she teased as he fought to keep himself awake through the rubbing of her thumb and the welcoming satin feel of the pillowcase. JJ mumbled incoherently switching between the comfort her hand offered and the darkness looming. He slipped further into the vulnerable limbo of sleep when he spoke next. “It’s not just sex to me (Y/N).”

The words hung in the air as he finally drifted off, snores interrupting the thudding off her heart in her throat. It was bittersweet to hear him utter the words her body craved from him. What she felt for John B didn’t come close to this. She would be in denial if she didn’t face it. (Y/N) didn’t see any plausible way to make this work though, even if she wanted it to. John B and JJ were as thick as thieves. Best friends for life. She had already come between that and caused enough damage. If she chose one of them now, their friendships would never be the same. Between any of them, not just the three that were now stuck in a love triangle.

With the weight of the world on her shoulders and the peace offered by the warmth he radiated, she let herself be taken over by the same darkness. After a long, perplexing day, both of them were drained mentally and physically. Any apprehension she felt could wait till tomorrow. Not even her overthinking could keep her up tonight. And if JJ fell asleep remembering that he hadn’t mentioned John B’s name again the whole night, well. He kept it to himself.

*****

“(Y/N)?” she heard faintly making her snuggle further into the damp sheets and comforters that were colder now without the presence of body heat at her side.

“Five more minutes,” she urged in the haze not wanting to awaken just yet but the voice was persistent and annoying on the other side of her door. Her doorknob rattled as the intruder attempted to open it which is what made her stir finally. “Five more- (Y/N) get up,” Rafe’s frustrated voice rang from the outside of her bedroom which made her eyes peek at last. Instead of being met with an empty room though, JJ was standing in front of her bathroom with wide eyes, her toothbrush hanging from his mouth, and low-hanging boxers. “Dad said you were supposed to come to the country club with us. Hurry up,” Rafe rushed her assuming she’d been in the process of getting ready when she had completely forgotten.

(Y/N) had promised she’d go to dinner with them Saturday afternoon since she’d been spending so much time with John B and her friends on The Cut. She had never slept into the afternoon though. With a quick flicker of her eyes to the clock that read 4:56 P.M. and back to a half naked JJ, memories of yesterday flooded her. Any tiredness that remained was long gone now as she shot up from the bed, holding the comforter to her naked chest. “Uhm- yeah,” (Y/N)’s called out more firmly now that she was fully awake. “Tell dad I’m not feeling well- I’ll go to dinner tomorrow.” There was a pause on the other side of the door as JJ took the toothbrush out of his mouth.

“Is John B in there with you?” Rafe accused which made JJ’s fingers twitch with jealousy. He had to refrain himself from calling out to him and making it clear that it was him and not John B who had the privilege of waking up at her side this morning. “God Rafe no,” (Y/N) claimed in exasperation, irritated with the way this conversation with going. She shouldn’t feel guilty about the flash of anger in JJ’s blue eyes but she did. “I was just out late at The Boneyard. Got a massive hangover. Tell him I’m sick,” (Y/N) lied but it was the only thing that she knew would convince him. They had seen each other in passing last night so there was no reason Rafe wouldn’t believe her. It seemed to work though as he huffed from the other side.

“And you’re still the favorite?” He asked rhetorically and bitterly as heavy footsteps began making their way away from her door hinting at his departure. They both waited another minute before visibly relaxing now that they weren’t caught. She moved her attention back to JJ who made his way into the restroom to spit out the toothpaste and rinse his mouth out. There were bright, red gashes down his back making her breath hitch as she realized she was the blame. She tried to shake the thought away, ignoring the stirring in her pit. Like she had enjoyed staking her own claim. (Y/N) paid attention to what she should be disgusted in instead. JJ was using her toothbrush, the one she’d been using daily for the last month. But it warmed her heart a little that JJ hadn’t minded using it. He was so calm, walking around her room and using her things like he belonged there. Yesterday she had woken beside John B in the Chateau and today she had JJ in her bedroom on Figure Eight. Oh how the tables had turned.

It’s not just sex to me (Y/N).

The words made their way to the forefront of her mind as she chewed on her bottom lip watching him. He turned to her with a nonchalant, unreadable expression on his face. “So round 3?” He joked as he threw the hand towel he used to dry his face across his shoulder and crossed his arms in front of her. The way his eyes scanned her body hidden by the covers made her question whether it was indeed a joke or not though. The area between her legs reawakened from the way he hungrily looked her over like she’d been served to him on a silver platter. It became obvious rather quickly that they couldn’t be alone anymore without succumbing to the temptation.

“No,” (Y/N) said adamantly as she stood up dragging the covers behind her and retrieving a matching lavender lace bra and panty set to wear. She moved to the closet after a quick slam of the drawer and found jean shorts with a simple white t-shirt to wear. “You’d look better in mine,” JJ hummed from where he stood checking her out as she bit back a snarky remark and evaded the idea of herself in his clothing. It seemed as though they were back to normal, pushing until the other broke. Clearly last nights words were lost to the night. (Y/N) turned to make her way towards the bathroom acting unbothered with the tips of ear feeling a little hot and heart skipping a beat in her chest. He made no effort to move out of her way, just grinned with entertainment. His favorite past time was pushing her buttons until she snapped. This time pushing her buttons held a new type of reward that he wanted to relive a dozen times over.

(Y/N) scoffed at him though, squinting her eyes in mock anger to see if he would budge. But he simply peered down towards the sheet covering her chest and leaned closer to her. “I said-,” his thumb running across her bottom lip made her falter. The want in his eyes was pouring into her all too quickly. She was trying to make sense of this situation she had landed herself into but JJ made it easy to lose track of everything. Her heart and body yearned for things that she wasn’t allowed to have. She couldn’t explain how she had let herself be roped into the mess that is JJ. He was too good at reminding her though, lowering his hand down her jaw to her throat. He closed the space, tightening his fingers and feeling the jump in her pulse.

It was that small detail that made him act. “I know what you said,” he murmured before whirling them around so that her back hit the wall next to the door. His hand rested above her head, effectively trapping her against his body. “You said no… But you’re just so reactive,” he claimed as his leg slid between hers. The position mirrored the one from last night lighting the flame of arousal with memories and nothing but the thin sheet covering her as his bare thigh rubbed against her core. JJ felt it immediately, the wetness seeping through and making him groan quietly. Her breathing was already picking up, cheeks becoming flushed in a matter of seconds. “See Princess? I know what you like,” he did. In a matter of twenty four hours he had picked up on every cue that gave away what made her tick. “Like when your dad woke me up knocking on the door. I was so hard,” he pressed against her harder, “I know you would’ve liked me waking you up by stuffing you full of my cock.”

“JJ..,” she moaned his name without thinking moving her hand to grip at his wrist in a warning. Her knees wanted to give out under her from the indecency he was spewing. He leaned down to feather his lips across her ear feeling her tremble against his body. “Should’ve made you scream daddy so he knew who owned his daughter now,” JJ whispered with a menacing squeeze that made her whimper, breaths coming out short. She would’ve been on the floor now had it not been for his grip on her neck. He almost devoured her the second he felt the damp spot on the sheet grow at his words. His boxers were constricting at a rapid pace now that he discovered a new kink as his lips latched onto her shoulder close to where his bite mark was. “You like that? Like imagining daddy shoving his cock into his sleeping girl?” JJ groaned sending vibrations through her skin that made her body arch into him.

“Fuck- J,” (Y/N) gasped out catching him off guard and shoving him abruptly from where he stood. JJ’s eyes were darker now, taking one step forward ready to pounce before he noticed the fiery look she held. His chest was rising and falling now fighting himself from reaching out and taking her again. “I’m serious. Last night was sex. That’s all it was, okay? We spent months playing this little game and it was bound to happen. Now it’s out of our system,” it was a lie when she said it, they both knew it, “and it doesn’t have to happen again. I have to go apologize to John B.” She moved to the bathroom and closed the door behind herself with a loud thud before he had the chance to rebuttal. She leaned back into it closing her eyes and inhaling deeply.

(Y/N) hadn’t intended to be so mean with her words but he wasn’t listening to her and she needed him to remember why he hated her before they met. It was easier to have JJ hate her. If he did, she wouldn’t be going through all these conflicting thoughts in her head. She suddenly wished her mom was still here. She would have had the best advice for her. It probably would’ve gone something along the lines of follow your heart but her mom hadn’t met JJ yet, the culprit of her swaying heart. (Y/N) sighed rubbing her entire face as if that would somehow wake her up from her nightmare.

After a moment of alone time to calm her unfurling heat, she got dressed with the clothes she had brought into the bathroom. Her hair was a mess from where she had fallen asleep with it wet so she most definitely had to brush it. The memory of them in the bathtub made her pause in the mirror. She could still feel his fingers tracing the bruise he had left and the adoring way he had cleaned every corner of her body. He didn’t deserve her attitude yet she had given it to him anyways. No matter how much John B was probably blaming JJ, it was ultimately her fault for giving into the desire. It was such a frustrating notion to her that she wanted to punch the mirror in front of her but she’d end up hurting herself more than accomplishing anything.

Her moment of alone time turned into twenty minutes of stress-filled pacing. JJ’s wary knock at the door is what snapped her out of it. She ran a hand through her wavy hair before opening it and finding JJ wearing his outfit from the night before with concern written all over his face. JJ knew he had gotten caught up in the heat of the moment when she strutted around with nothing but a sheet on. She had that power over him, to rile him up without actively doing anything. JJ still wanted to give her any necessary space before trying to speak to her but she was taking too long and he was frightened by how often she fell victim to her doubts. “You okay?” he checked in with her, scanning her face which was devoid of any clues as to how she was feeling. His hand tentatively reached up to brush some hair behind her ear gently making her heart do somersaults. “Yeah,” she mumbled unable to resist nudging against his hand to melt into it as a small peace offering, bathing in the warmth his body offered her.

She was supposed to be angry, shoving him away. But the whirlwind going on inside of her tugged her from one side to the other. JJ kept his hand there, soothingly rubbing circles into her cheek. He was still cautious as he stepped closer to her, to wrap an arm around her delicate waist and better angle his hand. Her eyes never left his as she allowed him to bring her into his embrace. (Y/N) wanted to fight against it inside but her body melted into his without letting her second guess it. “I’ll go talk to JB with you,” he finally told her after a minute or two of calming her down. He already behaved like a coward leaving the Chateau before things got out of hand. Which meant JJ had to go and at least try to apologize and own up to the fact that he just should’ve gone about things a different way. He didn’t know how well that’d fare over or how he’d handle John B’s valid attitude towards them, especially her, but he would try nonetheless. At least that’s what he also told Kie last night. But he kept that conversation to himself for now.

Him joining her was shocking, enough for her eyes to swirl with uncertainty. “JJ- I don’t know. What if it’s not a good idea?” she mumbled then, her hand fisting his shirt as the anxiety of what was about to occur began to eat her up. If there was something she struggled to keep within, it would be the tell-tale sign of her nerves. Her heartbeat would run amuck and the nausea would hit her in a way she could barely keep her balance. This time instead of needing a Zofran it was JJ who helped keep her breathing steady and panic attack at bay. His fingers slipped under her shirt in the back, tracing his hand to her hip and offering her a gentle squeeze.

“I don’t care honestly. I’ve got some things I have to apologize for too,” he sighed hoping this could’ve been pushed back maybe just a week. That would give him enough time to settle into whatever this was and break her cement walls down. But she couldn’t live another day knowing how mad John B had been yesterday. It hurt her because she’d been the one to cause so much agony. And no matter what happened, John B still held a place in her heart which complicated things further in her mind. There was a war between her heart and brain that she just wanted to end one way or another. “And I messed up last night. Not with John B but with you. Takes two to tango and I shouldn’t have left you alone,” he added then assuaging her guilt. His fingers ran over her hip bone, circling there for a minute before pressing in slightly.

The look on her face when she walked into her room last night would be engrained into his hippocampus forever. The wet puffy cheeks, bloodshot eyes, broken exterior. He blamed himself for that. For causing her so much turmoil. But he was selfish at the same time, glad that he’d been the one to find her. The back of her mind made it a point to notice that he regretted not being there for her, not the actual sin they committed. This new side of him was frightening yet everything she wanted at the same time. (Y/N) nodded wordlessly as her hip nudged out slightly into his palm, comforted by the soft caressing while also conflicted. Not knowing how to respond to him when she couldn’t process the change in their dynamic. She also knew there’d be no stopping him even if she wanted to.

“We can take my bike, stashed it in some bushes,” the casual words summoned an unexpected laugh from her. She hadn’t thought about how he had gotten to her house last night, too distracted by his unholy mouth and skilled hands. It made sense that he would’ve had to hide the green worn down bike so that nobody called the cops with stupid accusations. A small smile danced on her lips as she pulled away to lead them out of her bedroom. “I’ve never ridden on your bike,” the comment made him return the same mischievous grin while glancing at the hallway.

“Never had a girl besides Kie on my bike,” it shouldn’t have made her feel jealous but God, it was like an accidental flip of a switch, there were so many times she had thought they liked each other. Hearing that she was the only girl to ride with him made her miss a step on the way down the staircase to which JJ’s hand jumped out to grab her arm quickly. A small embarrassed smile shot his way before he let go with a small squeeze to her forearm and she continued down the steps hastily. He noticed it, noticed the unintended affect his words had. But before he could add something else in, a younger girl was walking out of a bedroom at the same time they were approaching the second floor.

Wheezie’s eyes bulged out of her head behind her glasses, looking from (Y/N)’s widened eyes to the frozen stranger behind her. “That’s not John B,” her sister stated the obvious lowering her phone with a twinkle of mischief in her eyes. She had also been informed by Rafe that their sister was supposedly bed-ridden with a gnarly hangover which didn’t seem to be the case at all. “Nope, JJ,” he introduced himself with a half-assed smile not intending to come across as rude but seriously. Did people have to keep mentioning him? She crossed her arms over her chest with such a wicked smile.

“Okay Wheezie. John B knows so you can’t use that against me,” (Y/N) blurted out immediately recognizing the intentions behind her sisters stance. But the younger girl just smiled wider, taking a pause to come up with something else. “Well dad doesn’t know. He doesn’t let guys spend the night remember?” she reminded her of Ward’s rules to let her know she had them by the balls. (Y/N) cursed under her breath looking down the steps to the first floor before meeting Wheezie’s eyes and running her fingers through her hair. Normally they always got along with minimal issues. But if Wheezie caught a scent of wrongdoing, she was like a dog with a bone.

“Fine. I’ll do whatever you want. Just tell me later because we’ve really got to go,” (Y/N) gave in as she stepped down the last step with JJ following suit now that the situation was handled. Wheezie let out an excited squeal running back into her room to surely make a whole list of things that she would make (Y/N) do. The girl couldn’t even help the chuckle that escaped her lips as they walked the rest of the way to the main floor. She had to give it to her sister. Wheezie was indeed too smart for her own good. “I like her. She’s a hustler,” JJ nodded with a serious tone that made (Y/N) laugh a bit too loudly and shake her head. He cracked a big grin, teeth showing and eyes crinkling at the sound that had his heart swelling.

With one last glance up the stairs where her sister resided, (Y/N) headed out the door with a happy smile feeling a little more airy than before. It felt odd to have JJ walking through her house, meeting one of her family members. Her life with the Pogues this summer had been an adventure of a lifetime and she didn’t tend to mix it too much with her home life. Even John B had only come over a handful of times for dinner in the short couple months of them dating. And he really only slept over once or twice. Kie was the exception. They had plenty of sleepovers at both houses. It’s not that she was ashamed of the guys, it was more like she was ashamed of her life. The pointless knick knacks that rich people bought, the amount of empty bedrooms, the sense of entitlement that the people in her life had. Money would always come and go, as long as she had her real family, the Pogues, with her then everything would be alright.

“She’s like my sister though so it doesn’t count,” JJ spoke, bringing her out of her thoughts as they walked down the lawn. (Y/N) glanced over at him with a puzzled look on her face which made him pause at the side gate they were coming up to. She pulled the gate door open until she realized he wasn’t walking through. “Kie?.. She’s like my sister so it doesn’t count… You’re the first girl to ride my bike,” he put emphasis on the word by stepping closer to her, using his knuckle to brush against the back of hers before feathering his fingertips up her arm and shoulder. (Y/N)’s heart began to pound in her chest when she picked up on what he was saying. His fingers continued until he cupped her chin, thumb pulling her bottom lip softly before releasing it and watching it bounce back. JJ was enthralled by the sight and she him.

No matter how much she wanted to release herself from the guilt and kiss him until their lips were sore and raw, (Y/N) also wanted to tell him to quit it. To stop making this more difficult than needed but somehow the world slips away when he’s near. Her bottom lip was lit on fire where the pad of his thumb touched, she was drawn to him like a magnet. His head inched forward almost as if waiting for her to push him away. “J..,” she mumbled reaching her hand up onto his chest, running her palm across it until she arrived at his shark tooth necklace and tugged slightly. She did nothing to pull away from him as the memory of it hitting her chin surfaced and weakened her with the tingles it provoked. “Tell me to stop,” he whispered as his lips ghosted over hers. His tongue slipped out to lick his bottom lip, purposefully smoothing over hers. (Y/N) tugged hard on the necklace not even a second later unable to refrain herself. Their lips connected, JJ’s hand molding into the curve of her neck while the other got lost in her hair. Kissing JJ felt like the first time every time. It was passionate, breath-taking.

Her knees wanted to buckle in his hold, sensing the adoration mixed in. It was like JJ read her mind, the way he walked her back into the gate. (Y/N)’s back met the searing metal that only added to the heat escalating the temperature of her body. But he didn’t let his hand roam. Instead he deepened the kiss, putting spotlight attention on taking the breath out of her lungs. He explored every corner, tasted the mint of her toothpaste, memorized the way her tongue slid against his. JJ could only focus on the moment, shoving every worry aside with ease. It was the way her fingers brushed the bare skin under his shirt that had him pressing her body into the fence.

(Y/N) gasped, tilting her head to the side away from him slightly to pant for air. JJ just saw the opportunity to kiss up the curve of her jaw, causing her eyes to flutter. Her nails dug into the crook of his v-line just as he reached the spot on her neck that twisted knots in her belly. JJ had to stifle a groan, sucking on the sensitive skin possessively and with fervor as his hand gripped her hair straining her neck as forced it up. He moved with gentle yet frantic urgency, swiping his tongue every so often to hear the mewl that escaped her lips. The pleasure and stinging sensation blinding her from how careless leaving yet another mark on her was. It wasn’t until he was satisfied and she was whining from the discomfort evolving that he pulled back to admire his work ignoring the temptation to see red. His lips parted, short harsh breaths washing over the darkened spot on her neck. (Y/N) let out an involuntary whimper at the feeling, meeting his forehead with hers to sway his attention.

JJ’s hold loosened at the same time a car engine roared through the street. Had cars been passing by the whole time? Neither one had been able to hear a thing besides the person in front of them. He still preferred to focus on the lines and dips of her face over the Kooks driving by. It felt like they were in their own bubble, rid of consequences. But some thought would always creep into the front of her mind as the oxygen seemed to reach her head again. It was only a name. But a name that held enough weight to get her to drop her hand from his shirt. JJ’s eyes flashed with something unreadable as he witnessed the moment she slipped away again.

“So I take it that means you only have one helmet?” It was meant to show indifference and lighten the magnitude of the moment but (Y/N)’s voice wobbled. She would’ve looked away the second she said it but the hand on her chin kept her where JJ wanted. The other one fell to his side aching in a similar way her body did. “It’s yours Princess,” JJ spoke with deeper meaning behind the hint of playfulness. The helmet wasn’t the only thing that was hers, his mouth was, his body, his thoughts, the stupid red baseball cap, especially his heart. Most definitely his heart. She could see it in blue of his irises. The intensity behind his words left her speechless once again. As much as she wanted to read between the lines, there were too many obstacles between them.

It was JJ who finally had to muster the strength to pull apart, his fingers tightening just briefly before letting go of her chin completely. He masked his own disappointment with the only way they knew how to communicate. A devious little smirk emerged at the prominent hickey forming on her neck and he rubbed at his jaw contemplating his work. “Damn, there’s no missin’ that,” JJ chuckled snapping her out of it as her hand flew up to her neck to touch the sore area. She cursed under breath, shoving at his arm slightly with her free hand as she lifted away from the fence.

“I think you’ve marked me enough,” (Y/N) huffed not even wanting to imagine what John B’s reaction would be. The bite on her shoulder and the other hickey was covered by the t-shirt, but this one would take more effort to hide. She flipped some of her hair forward which was temporarily successful. It irked JJ to see her covering up the evidence of his touch. He wanted to behave but his jealousy was ravenous. With a mind of it’s own that didn’t think about anybody else. “Don’t think it’s enough if you can still cover them,” he noted, the smirk disappearing into a thin line on his lips. She rolled her eyes at the comment biting back the urge to remind him she wasn’t his. As much as she wanted to wear it proudly, show all the girls on both sides of the island that JJ had been the one to do this, she couldn’t. (Y/N) simply had to ignore how hot his possessive tendencies were.

“Whatever,” she exclaimed, too flustered to find a witty response. She opened the gate again, not waiting for JJ this time around as she slipped through and began walking to the side of her house where JJ had presumably left the bike. He took just another second before following after her, taking the lead since he was the only one who knew where the bike was actually hidden. They glanced at each other for a meager second before (Y/N) was turning her attention to the oncoming car. JJ looked away, clicking his tongue against the rooftop of his mouth as they came up to one particularly big bush. He disappeared behind it before re-emerging pushing the handles out. (Y/N) swallowed the lump in her throat now that they were actually about to leave. She felt frozen as JJ casually hopped onto the bike and turned the key. The sound made her jump in JJ’s peripheral view. He turned his head towards her, reading the hesitance on her expression.

JJ reached his arm back to grab the helmet, nudging it into her stomach gently. “Hey it’ll be fine,” he meant both the bike ride and the conversation with John. But he couldn’t really know if it would be so the attempt at easing her was pointless.. She exhaled for a moment, taking in the tenderness that he spoke with and the affection swimming in the oceans of his eyes before nodding. She took the helmet from his grasp to put it on. Her nervous fingers fiddled with the clasp to close it once it was on. It’s not like she really knew how to do it anyways so the jitters kicking in didn’t help. Her inexperience was so obvious that it was embarrassing. But JJ’s rough fingers snuck past hers, pushing them out of the way to clasp it shut with one easy motion. “There,” his voice was kind, devoid of any judgement or ridicule. The stirring in his chest at the sight of her in his helmet further restricted his ability to breathe.

She slipped onto the bike with a shade of soft pink traveling up her neck. (Y/N) made sure to scoot closer, wrapping her arms around JJ’s torso and holding her hands there in preparation for her first ride. The heat of his body was soothing as the apphrension grew. JJ just always seemed to read her perfectly though, giving her hands a small squeeze before putting both of his on the handles and beginning to ride out onto the street. She let out a small gasp at the wind blowing past them when he really started down the road. It was more exhilarating than she could’ve imagined it being. Her senses were hyper alert, aware of every turn and increase of speed.

He was a pro at it though, weaving through cars and traffic with no issue. JJ could feel her tighten her grip every time they got close to another car. Normally he’d tease Kie, riding as close as he could to it just to hear her yell at him. But with her he sped farther away, not wanting to scare her during her right off the bat. This side of himself was just as surprising to him as it has been to her. The boys would prod and tease him until his grave if they found out. JJ had spent so long trying to convince himself that what he felt was just lust and taboo desire. But now these pent up emotions were finally loose and swirling inside of him he struggled to refrain from from acting normally.

(Y/N) did end up raising her head up very slowly at one point to take in the ocean view at their side. The sun was still out, shining down on the water below and giving it a yellow tint behind the clear blue. The rush she got from the wind hitting every part of her body only heightened the beauty of it. It was enough for her to forget the wave of nausea that had been hitting a few minutes ago and the fear that had kept her glued to his back. JJ had caught sight of her in his mirror, admiring the serenity in her features. (Y/N) looked breathtaking with her freshly washed hair flowing back, her eyes filled with peace. He thinks he understood in that moment that what he felt was called love. There was no other word for it but that. There was no tip-toeing around the way his heart felt like imploding in his chest and his lungs felt like evaporating into thin air when she was near.

Just as quick as it happened though, the semi speeding past them in the lane snapped her out of it. She was back into the curve of his back, helmet smushed into the space between his shoulder blades. Hands wound tightly around him.

They continued the rest of the way in silence. The further they got from Figure Eight, the more her body became rigid against his back. It hit her then that it was an extremely bad idea to show up with JJ but it was too late to turn around now. The familiar streets of the Cut came into view reinforcing her panic. Her grip had cemented so much JJ thought she would actually leave a few bruises or wounds behind. “Nothing’s gonna happen (Y/N),” he tried, lacing his fingers with hers for just a quick second and squeezing before having to grab the handle to turn into the Chateau.

The familiar sound of the dirt bike alerted everyone inside to their presence. John B was darting up from his spot on the couch faster than Kie and Pope could even process it. The front door was propelled open against the siding of the house, John B’s eyes narrowing on JJ who was helping his girlfriend off the dirt bike and then unclasping the helmet for her. “You’re fucking joking right now,” John B saw red, anger etched in his entire soul from head to toe. If looks could kill, they’d be dead and buried deep underground. (Y/N) had the thought to at least cover her neck with her hair and then turn away from JJ to confront the fiery brown eyes shooting daggers their way.

“Hey, it’s not what you think JB please. I just came to apologize. We both did,” (Y/N) spoke in a soft tone to relay just how much she meant it. She hadn’t intended for John B to end up as casualty in the process. She truly hadn’t thought at all in the moment. Kie and Pope came out through the front door to stand behind the fuming man next to them as she took a couple of uncertain steps forward. “Yesterday- that’s not what should’ve happened and I’m so sorry,” (Y/N) pleaded with him but the words couldn’t heal a wound of this nature. Especially not with his best friend standing behind her with crossed arms leaning his bum against the bike looking like a pompous asshole. Her words had stung JJ hard after the revelations they had whispered into the dead of the night. It wasn’t intended to come off as regretful but he couldn’t help but take it as that. Lashing out from the burn of her words, he smirked at John B to provoke him instead of keeping a level head.

“Not what I think? Seriously?” John B seethed not even wanting to voice his deplorable thoughts because they’d be too severe and permanent. He took steps forward to be face to face with (Y/N) but still keeping his distance. His blood was sizzling, eyes pitch-black and somehow losing light by the second. If (Y/N) had thought he was furious yesterday, it had nothing on the anger John B felt with the pair in his sight. “I think you’re just a spoiled Kook that came to experiment with us Pogues. Had fun yet? Whoring around?” John B spat as he kept his focus on her. If he dared to look JJ’s way again he might not be able to restrain himself.

(Y/N)’s eyes watered, taking a step back as Kie tried to rest her hand on the tense muscle of John B’s shoulder to diffuse the tension. Maybe in some way she had come to hear his demeaning words. She felt worthy of them. JJ, however, was the complete opposite. He had managed to keep quiet until know, acting on impulse as he sprung up to shield her from the livid man in front of her. He could accept that John B was more than just resentful, but throwing insults (Y/N)’s way was a line he wouldn’t let JB cross. “Watch your fucking mouth John B. You’re just mad that your little game didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to,” JJ bellowed at him matching his rage with an icy glare, knowing exactly what buttons to press before Kie could set out to cool him off.

JB’s arms ripped out of Kie’s grip in a split second decision, thrusting out to shove at his best friends hard chest with flat palms. It sent him falling back but only provoked him more. JJ looked like the devil. His lips curving into a wicked smile, hair tousled by the wind. Blue eyes were dripping with venom. Quicker than JJ could retaliate, (Y/N)’s small, gentle hands caught the back of his arms before he could stumble into her. “J Please,” (Y/N) begged under her breath into the privacy of his muscular back sounding distraught as she grounded him, “this isn’t why we came here.” He did his best to inhale deeply through a clenched jaw, visibly taking breaths from within to calm himself. It was rare to get him to pull away from the blinding fury once he was absorbed by it but he was helpless, in the mercy of her soft heart. Focusing on the delicate way she tried to soothe him by rubbing small circles into his side. It might’ve almost been enough to end the fight but it only set John B into a spiral witnessing the affectionate exchange. It was now the second time he was reminded of the fact that (Y/N) wasn’t the one winding him down.

“You’re worse than me JJ you know that? Luke Maybank’s kid,” John B landed a low blow that visibly made JJ falter, jaw flexing in rage, “Just another delinquent in the works... ,” he drawled out with a closed fist shove of JJ’s shoulder, the tension skyrocketing around them and pricking the hairs on everyone’s skin. “C’mon John B- this is pointless nothing is getting resolved- we can wait till everyone is ready,” Pope was practically begging as he attempted to tug at John B’s arm. But he was strong-willed and unflinching as he stepped forward to be almost chest to chest to JJ. Blue met brown as their eyes locked, everything eerily quiet. “You think she’s gonna want you?” The vindictive words crashed into him. JJ couldn’t stand being compared to Luke. His dad beat his mom and beat him too and JJ swore that would never be him. And knowing that he wasn’t worthy of (Y/N) was one thing, being reminded of it was another.

Except JJ knew exactly how to retaliate.

His muscles loosened as all the tension was released from his body. A lazy, horrific smile appeared on JJ’s face with cold eyes staring him down. It was a look unlike he’d ever given anyone. Kie was almost quivering just from witnessing it, much less did she want to be on the receiving end of it. He’d spent months pining after her, dealing with with his conflicting emotions, watching his best friend be happy and ignoring his own needs for John B’s sake. But JJ wasn’t going to do that anymore, not when it came to her.

So he knew exactly what to say.

And the color in (Y/N)’s face drained as JJ crept a couple of measured steps until he was standing beside her. She knew what he was going to say before it came out of his mouth.

JJ’s fingers trailed over to her hair, flicking it back as he bit his lip to contain the sinister smile. Everyone’s eyes falling on the darkening hickey as (Y/N) felt her cheeks hot, head spinning and eyes blurry with embarrassment and anger.

“Well JB that’s not what she was saying in her bedroom last night. She wanted me a lot..,” JJ chuckled criminally while maintaining a look of pure satisfaction. Making it clear that (Y/N) had not just wanted him, but begged for it. He practically ate up the shock piercing John B’s features. Just to make sure there was no miscommunication, JJ sunk the knife in further for good measure.

“You know.. her bedroom… with those cute glow in the dark stars stuck to the ceiling?”

It was Kie that gasped before John B reacted. She’d been in (Y/N)’s room plenty of times to know exactly what he was talking about.

Less than a second later, JJ’s jaw made a worrisome cracking noise as John B connected his balled up fist to it. Despite the metallic taste in his mouth, JJ didn’t hesitate to lunge forward and tackle John B to the ground. Both of them snapped, yelling profanities and taking their rage out on the other. He swung blindly, rings jabbing into John B’s abdomen. The taller man winced, before thrusting his knee upwards and digging it into JJ’s chest.

“JJ!”

“John B!”

Both girls kept yelling and risking a hit by trying to get in the middle of them. But it was next to impossible. Pope jumped up to try to intercept but they were both pushed over the edge now. He couldn’t get a single chance through the flying limbs. They had both been stewing in their rage for too long now. John B had been waiting to do this since last night and seeing as he hadn’t been able to because JJ was on Figure Eight, he was only further enraged. “You were my best fucking friend!” John B shouted as he managed to flip JJ onto his back, punching him coldly without measure. (Y/N) cried out and screamed at them, pleading as she watched JJ close his blue eyes. His body went limp, John B holding him up by the grip on his shirt. She recognized what he was doing because she had done the same thing by coming here. They were both looking to assuage their guilt by looking for punishment from the person they had betrayed.

“John B, he isn’t fighting back!” (Y/N) pleaded loudly with a tear-stricken face, catching his wrist before he could swing again. But he was stronger than her, especially fueled by the burning jealousy and wrath at their infidelity. She was no match for him as he landed another hard blow at JJ. “Fight back!” John B yelled into his face but JJ just gave him a lopsided grin, blood snaking it’s way down his chin to his throat and staining the hem of his colar line. He let out a heart-wrenching yell as his fist landed on the grass next to JJ’s head.

Everyone paused.

John B’s heavy breathing broke through the sounds of the crickets.

They just stared at each other while the other looked on. Almost as if they were communicating without saying a word.

Pope decided to use this momentary pause and separate them, latching on to John B’s shoulders to drag him away. It was relatively easy to do considering JB was no longer fighting back. His eyes were swelling with frustration and fury, tears that he was trying to keep in making their way out at an unstoppable pace. Beating JJ to a pulp would be too easy and he wasn’t even getting the satisfaction of the blonde haired guy pushing back. “You were my best friend and you fucked my girlfriend,” he spoke loudly, but more disheartened towards him watching as (Y/N) knelt at his side to check on the bruising eye.

“I’m sorry- I’m so sorry,” (Y/N) sobbed to both of them, feeling like this was all her fault. Her fingers swiped softly at the blood pooling under JJ’s busted lip making him wince and her heart tighten. “It’s fine Princess. Takes two to tango remember?” JJ’s voice came out raspy, strained by the pain creeping through his body. His eye squinted, groaning at the uncomfortable throbbing coming from his side. John B had managed to get him quite good but she was right, he wanted to get hit. He wanted to be numb, his guilt could subside knowing that his best friend was able to take out the heartbreak and anger he felt on him.

(Y/N) shook her head though, standing up with the weight of her actions crushing her shoulders. If there was any remedy to this situation, it was to cut herself out of the equation completely. How would they be able to fix anything when just her presence caused these emotions to rupture out of them? She would always be a lingering reminder of their infidelity. Her head tilted to the side, watching Pope and Kie attempt to calm John B. She hadn’t even noticed until now that Kie’s cheeks were as wet as hers. It was just as agonizing to her to see their unit be torn apart. Pope was rattled, feeling powerless to stop them. They had had arguments and fist fights before about nonsense, but nothing this serious. He hadn’t even been able to get in the middle without being injured himself. It was all too much to take in. They were all perfectly fine before she arrived, and now they were more shattered than ever.

JJ observed her features the whole time, was privy to the way she detached herself emotionally to save the rest of them. But he didn’t want her to. He was selfish and greedy, willing to beg John B for forgiveness the rest of his life if it meant that (Y/N) didn’t run away. “(Y/N), hey,” his voice was still rough, but there was an edge of distress. She couldn’t take sole blame for the eruption their behavior had caused. But nothing he could say would really change her mind. There was a distant look in her eye when she focused on him.

He couldn’t even get another word out before she was turning her back to him walking away from them, from her life. Her shoulders were shaking, the reality of her consequences settling in. Her hand moved to cover her silent choked sob, free arm wrapping around herself to grace herself with some comfort. JJ wouldn’t give up on her without putting forth effort though. A beating he could take. Letting her slip through his fingers was something he couldn’t afford. Not when he finally had her.

Had her smiling and laughing at his stupid jokes. He could still hear her sweet giggling in his ear. See the heart-melting smile taking over her alluring features. Had seen her sleeping serenely in the coziness of her insanely overpriced California king, lips parted with a little bit of drool sneaking out. He’d had the privilege of bathing with her, exploring every luxurious inch of skin while quelling the ache in her bones. She had washed his damn hair. The feeling of her careful fingers on him in such an innocent yet intimate moment still drove him mad. The scent of her fruity cshampoo resided, mixing in with the dirt covering his backside as an encouragement to follow her.

“(Y/N), stop,” JJ managed to get out as he stood up at the same time holding his side with one hand where it seemed to hurt the most. The girl didn’t listen to him though, she kept walking with more intent to distance herself. The others were looking on but nothing else was said. John B turned around, refusing to watch any longer as he went back into his home to bitterly find the First Aid Kit. Kie wanted to step toward JJ to check on him but he rushed off, walking as fast he could to reach (Y/N). Pope placed a hand on Kie’s shoulder sighing before nudging her inside. Nothing would be resolved within two days.

(Y/N) ignores his voice calling out to her, shutting out every emotion related to JJ possible. She could return to her ice queen status, embody it once more to bury the agony and enter a state of desolation. But he was persistent, walking after her even as she got further and further away from the house. “(Y/N),” JJ’s voice was calm from behind her but she shook her head trying to will away the oncoming rampage of tears. They had started from the moment the boys started throwing fists and now they had a life of their own. “Hey- I.. I can take you home, you don’t have to walk or get a ride,” JJ tried to pull her back to him by any means but she stopped dead in her tracks. He hadn’t even realizing he was gaining on her until almost running into her when she came to a halt.

“No JJ. Don’t you get it?” she asked without hesitancy as she shifted to face him. JJ saw nothing in her eyes, no glint or glimmer, no hope for their possible future. “We can’t see each other anymore. We hurt people when we’re together JJ,” (Y/N) was stoic, refusing to instill JJ with any false hope. There was no world where they could be an item. Where they could cuddle in front of their friends. Go on double dates. Marry with a best man if it came down to that. As much as she wanted to let go of everything and melt into his stupidly perfect lips, she remained passive. Refusing to acknowledge the love she so obviously felt for him and choosing to endure the pain that would no doubt find a permanent home within her. (Y/N) locked it all away, tucking it deep into a place where it couldn’t reach her.

JJ’s Adam’s apple bobbed while his nose scrunched up, shaking his head in refusal. He looked off into the distance before meeting her stare. His throat felt dry, constricting from the fear accumulating the more she pulled away. “It’s not just sex to me (Y/N),” JJ repeated the words from last night, watching as something flashed through her eyes. “I meant that. And you meant what you said. About you wanting me,” JJ reminded taking a shaky step forward before saying fuck all and reaching his hands up to cradle (Y/N)’s cheeks in his hand. He gave her a torturously sad smile, fingers tracing the lines of her cheekbone. “You remember, last night in the bathtub too. I know you do,” he whispered, coming in closer to her, enveloping her senses.

He almost had her for a moment, (Y/N)’s brain cells mushing when he admitted that he did remember his late night confession. JJ’s pure vulnerability and the slightly forceful grip on her cheeks allowed her to rethink for a moment, consider the possibility that they could somehow fix this together. Her own admission had been a forthcoming revelation. More than JJ could’ve imagined when he brought it up. His blue eyes pierced through her, shaky hand gripping at his wrist. It was overwhelming, almost suffocating to be tempted in such a way. Her eyes closed. Knowing the way he was silently begging her every way possible would make her cave.

“It was sex… I was horny and you were too,” (Y/N) didn’t feel like she was in her body as the words came out. Her voice monotone and quiet. He was close enough for her to not have to yell it out. “This was nothing,” she continued even as she felt his hands drop from her face. It was daunting, so much so that she refused to see the destruction she was surely executing. Her heart was close to vanishing, entire body going numb. Not only was she losing a second person in the span of twenty four hours, but she was also losing her person. The one person she thinks might’ve been meant for her.

But JJ needed her to face it. He needed her to take in every single aspect of what this meant. (Y/N) wasn’t just taking a break from them, she was leaving. Closing the chapter on their summer together and ending something that had just barely gotten started. “Nothing? I think you’re a liar,” JJ’s temper was rising with her, loathing how she could let her overthinking take control of her life. “I think we’ve both known it since the moment we met. This is real and you’re just fucking scared,” his voice raised, finally showing his disdain for her choices.

(Y/N) dared to open her eyes which was something she’d regret till the end of time. JJ’s face had completely fallen. Her insides twisted, knotting and curling until she wanted to turn around and let out all the contents in her stomach. Which were actually none but eating right now sounded like a joke. The light in his blue irises that attracted (Y/N) to him in the first place had dimmed now. Disrupted by her hasty disregard. His lips were in a thin line, hands balled at his sides, chest rising and falling with every excruciating breath. It took everything inside of her to turn her heart to stone. Telling herself it was for the best.

“I’m sorry JJ,” she finalized the conversation.

Turning away from him and putting this singular moment behind herself.

Allowing herself to believe that they would be better off without her meddling.

The flood resumed down her cheeks now that he couldn’t see her disappearing into the following street. In the very back of (Y/N)’s mind, the little spot reserved for JJ, she still wished he’d chase her once more. Nudge her his way with his electrifying touch, kiss her until it felt like there was a volcano erupting inside of her. She’d say yes to the ride this time. She’d allow him to hold her in bed and soak his shirt with her tears. Even stay the night and every night after for as long as he needed to.

But none of that happened.

There were no footsteps besides her rapidly paced ones. (Y/N) wanted to say she was relieved, but it felt more like the entire universe had disintegrated. Her lungs felt like they were tied and knotted with rope, only able to take shallow breaths. A choice that took her all of two seconds before she was regretting had transformed everything.

If (Y/N) had thought any of this would be easy, the red baseball cap perched on top of her grey chair sent her into another meltdown, knees buckling to the ground with no one to catch her this time.

She’d lost them all.

*****

Read Part 1 here

Feedback/Thoughts welcomed in my inbox! x

If you’d like to be tagged in future posts of this mini-series please join my taglist here🫶🏼

A/N: I’ve literally never written blood play or subspace so I hope I did it justice😭 Don’t know what got into me but possessive JJ is just everything😩

I have another work in my drafts but it’s an anon request so part 3 will be coming later on❤️

Thank you so much for reading whether you came for the smut or plot😭😂! Please like, reblog, and comment if you enjoyed it!💕

John B’s Mini Series Tags: @fishingirl12 @sweetlikerockcandy @imtired0811

General Tags: @dropperyourhnd @leclercch16 @kys4-20

[hearts4golbach]

Can you write something with Johnnie you guys are best friends and you have the biggest crush on him and everyone knows but him

Tear in my Heart.

pairing:

Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.

a/n:

title inspired by twenty one pilots

proofread

warnings:

drinking

word count:

1.3k.

"What's up, chat?" You greeted your stream. you squinted at the comments. "Hi, everyone!"

You pulled your knees to your chest. "'Do I have a special guest today?' How'd you know?"

"'Because you posted about it on your story,' okay, well yeah. anyway, I'm waiting for him to get here. we're going to try these tacos from a fast food restaurant, I forgot where." You tucked your hair behind your ears. "So, how's everyone's day going?"

you read through the chat that was filling quickly. "Good, good. for those of you having a bad day, I'm glad me and Johnnie are here to entertain you."

the chat freaked out whenever you mentioned Johnnie. hundreds of questions started flooding in. "'How do I feel about Johnnie?' What do you mean? he's my best friend, that's how I feel about Johnnie." You rolled your eyes.

the chat started booing. "Oh, whatever. I don't think Johnnie is interested in me like that. end of story. next question."

you purposely ignored the questions about how you feel about Johnnie. you weren't very good at lying.

"Chat, act normal. act casual, Johnnies here." You joked as you hopped out of your chair to go get the front door for him.

you walked back into your room with Johnnie following behind you. the chat greeted you both. Johnnie set the bag of food down on the table.

he waved at the camera. "What's up?" he pulled up your extra chair and sat next to you. You stared as Johnnies eyes ran through the chat.

your face heated up as you watched the comments awing the two of you. they were always on point, even clocking you whenever you began to blush.

"oookay, let's get into it, yeah?" Your eyes never left him.

"Yeah. we have the new Jack in the Box tacos." he smelled inside of the bag and then held it up to your face. "they smell okay."

you pursed your lips together and shrugged. "Yeah, they smell fine." Your eyes locked. you turned away, wanting to avoid eye contact. if you looked at him for too long, your mind would wander.

you two took your first bite of taco. Johnnie looked towards you as he scrunched up his nose to make a disgusted face. you choked on your food as you laughed at him before spitting out the food because it really was bad.

you guys gave your opinion on the food, which was far from a good rating, and conversated with the chat.

"'What are our plans tonight?'" Johnnie read. "we're going to a party with Tara and Jake after this."

"Oh, yeah." You checked your phone to see the time. "Speaking of, we gotta go soon to get ready for that."

"i'll post pictures of me and y/n on my instagram story, so watch for that." he smiled at the camera.

you spent the rest of the time you had updating chat on what videos are coming up. the videos included recording with Jake, Johnnie, and Tara.

you checked the time on your phone once more. "shit, okay, guys. we have to go, we'll post pictures and shit though." You flashed a smile. Johnnie waved goodbye as you ended the stream. you got up and began to get ready for the party.

Johnnie laid back on your bed, his eyes on you as you started your makeup. "Do you know anybody else who's going to this party?" Johnnie asked.

you hummed. "No, i don't think so. not that i know of." you muttered as you blended in the concealer around your nose. "Do you?"

"Yeah, actually." he twiddled his thumbs.

"Are you gonna ditch me during the party?" you asked, looking at him through the mirror.

"What? no, of course not." he laughed. you two were always a pair during parties.

"Good," you sighed, starting on your eyes. "i'm excited to get fucked up. thank god were ubering there." you joked. "why has it been so long since we've gone to a party?"

he shrugged. "i don't know. Tara and Jake are always the ones planning shit. i miss going out with you all the time. you actually make parties enjoyable."

you blushed. "i know, i miss it too." you couldn't come up with what to say to his compliment.

you walked back into the room in your dress and shoes. Johnnies eyes lingered on you. "you look great." he flashed you a smile and got up off the bed. "ready to go?"

you held back your excitement at the compliment. "yeah, let's go."

you two ordered the Uber, which didn't take too long to arrive. the two of you were meeting Jake and Tara at the party, but you knew the four of you would end up splitting up eventually.

you arrived at the party and walked inside with Johnnie. after texting with Tara for a few minutes, the four of you finally found eachother.

"hey, cutie!" she smiled and hugged you. "you look so good."

you giggled, "you look even better!"

Tara pulled you off to the side. "did anything happen with Johnnie earlier?"

you sighed, "no. everything is how it usually is, unsurprisingly. I really don't think he likes me in that way."

while you spoke to Tara, Johnnie was off to the side speaking to Jake.

"did you finally make a move?" Jake asked Johnnie with crossed arms.

"Not yet, I just didn't find the right time. I really don't know what I'm fucking doing." he laughed nervously.

"whatever," Jake rolled his eyes.

you and Tara walked back over to join them, interrupting the conversation. "where the fuck are the drinks?" you asked.

your small group wandered around the party and searched for the drinks. evidently, they were in the kitchen.  

everyone filled up a cup with a drink of their choice. you and Johnnie ended up wandering off on your own, lost in conversation.

you were on your second redbull vodka (made with the redbull you had been drinking earlier) when your mood started to change. you never had a bad time whenever you were drinking, so this was new to you.

everyone's eyes seemed to bore into you. the spaghetti straps on your dress and your cleavage made you feel exposed, and you hated it.

you wrapped your arms around your waist as you kept talking to Johnnie. he noticed how your whole demeanor changed.

"you okay?" he asked, his voice a whisper compared to the blasting music.

"yeah, this dress just feels a little much. I don't know if it's the alcohol or if people are actually staring at me.

he slid the leather jacket he was wearing off and handed it to you. "Here, put this on. maybe it'll help." he gave you a kind smile, which seemed to drown out all of your insecurities.

your face grew extremely hot. "thank you."

in that moment, Johnnie wished the two of you were sober. he would've asked you out right then and there if you were.

you clung the jacket to yourself tightly. it smelled faintly of Johnnies cologne and the cigarette he had shared with Jake previously.

your mood improved. you felt sage with Johnnie and not so "out there" in his jacket.

at the end of the night, you and Johnnie ubered back to your apartment. in the backseat of the Uber, you took off his jacket and offered it to him.

"thank you for letting me borrow it, it means a lot."

he pushed the jacket away. "keep it."

"are you sure?" you asked cautiously. he wore that specific jacket all the time.

"yeah, of course." he furrowed his eyebrows together. "it looks better on you, anyway."

without thinking, you responded, "You should stay the night."

[the-californicationist]

Cali's Kinktober: Day 09

Kinktober Masterlist aurum potestas est - "gold is power" Kyle "Gaz" Garrick x f!reader Kinks > prostitution, coercion, corruption Full tags on AO3 - MDNI - Read at your own risk. Warning: NONCON

You are hired by the FSB to plant a bug in Gaz’s coat pocket when he runs into you on the street. But he catches you in the act and drags you to his safehouse. As you realize that he plans to keep you as his prize, you wonder if this job was worth the money after all. 

I think @cod-z left a comment about how much they enjoyed mean Gaz, so I took that idea a little too far.

They had known you were just hungry enough to say yes. You had seen them, those fucking Red wolves, lurking around Building D in your bloc apartments. They were bullying the kids who ran through the outdoor balconies, trying to climb on the roof to throw snowballs or to piss off the side onto unsuspecting pedestrians. And yes, they were little shits, but when you started to see them with black eyes and busted lips, you wondered if the FSB knew that they were twelve year olds and not fully grown men. 

You wanted to scream at them to pick on someone their own size. To at least help the babushkas with their shopping trolleys. To maybe pick up a shovel and clear the path of ice and snow for a change. Maybe contribute to the community that they were policing so harshly? But, no. They didn’t give a fuck about the community. They were looking for those British spies. 

Four Brits had moved into Building E, the shadiest bloc of them all, and they’d stuck out like a whole hand of sore thumbs. Everyone knew they were there. Their Russian accents left a lot to be desired. And yet, no one ratted them out. The Landlord, Danila Kosteyv, made sure the entire neighborhood knew that the Brits were off-limits. They’d obviously done well to line his pockets with enough rubles to last through the winter. It was the way of things: layer upon layer of corruption like a fetid little medovik, each cruel slice more putrid than the last. 

So, when you were walking home from your job cleaning offices down Tverskaya street, it shouldn’t have surprised you that a menacing hand darted out from the shadows next to your apartment’s mailbox bank and curled around your arm. 

“Idi syuda, devochka.” Come here, girl. Your assailant snapped at you, trying to drag you into the elevator next to the boxes.    

You rolled your eyes at him, and put on your best Tajik accent, mimicking the women who worked with you on your floor, 

“Sorry, no Russian.”

“Zatknis', suka. Zaydite v lift.” Shut up, bitch. Get in the lift. He shoved you with all of his force, and it was enough to fling you against the wall, spilling the meager contents of your purse. 

“Fuck you, silovik. Tell your boss that the fucking chuzhaky are in the other apar–” A hard slap cut across your face without warning. One of the other brutes had raked his knuckles across your mouth, and now you could taste blood on your tongue. 

You fought the urge to cry, and instead, you channeled your mother and rolled your eyes at him again, daring him to just shoot you already. You were nobody, just a cleaner. What they wanted, you couldn’t give them. 

They boxed you in inside the lift, and their stale smell of cigarettes and sweat filled the tiny space, burning in your nose and throat. Once the doors shuddered open, they decided to walk you the rest of the way with each of your arms pinned in their big hands, bruising your skin carelessly. 

You didn’t need to tell them which flat was yours; they already knew. The man who had spoken to you snatched your keys out of your hand and let himself in. You were pushed inside your own house, suddenly a prisoner in a place that you paid for. Even though you should’ve been scared, all you really felt was indignant. 

The FSB bastards oozed into your dingy little flat like black tar, making everything that they touched dirty with their presence. They made themselves at home, eating your leftovers and drinking the dregs of the wine you’d been saving for your birthday. 

“Chto ty khochesh'?” What do you want? You said in your normal Russian accent, dropping the ruse. 

The leader, a fat, balding man with eyebrows like furry caterpillars and pock marks across his cheeks grabbed your hand and placed a device in your palm. 

“Polozhite eto v karman odnogo iz shpionov. Zatem zazhgite svechu i postav'te yeye v okno.” Put this in one of those spies' pockets. Then light a candle and put it in the window. He told you, pointing to your one and only window that overlooked another bloc of apartments. 

“Zaplati mne.” Pay me. You said, holding out your other, empty hand. 

You waited for another slap, but instead, the man with the eyebrows rooted around in his pants for a moment and pulled out a money clip. He placed it in your palm and closed your fist around it, making your bones ache from his grip. You winced, trying to pull away, but he held fast, forcing you to meet his eyes,

“Desyat' tysyach rubley seychas i yeshche desyat' tysyach, kogda zazhzhete svechu.” Ten thousand rubles now and another ten thousand when you light the candle. 

You looked down at the cash in your hand. This was more than you made in a whole week of cleaning offices, and you balked at the sum. These FSB men really wanted this job done. Eyebrows shoved his way past you, stealing your cigarettes from your countertop and pocketing them for himself. Just when he was about to close your door behind him, you rushed to it, holding it ajar. 

“Zhdat'!” Wait! You called out, “Pochemu ya?” Why me?

Eyebrows wore a sinister smile across his mouth, bending close enough for you to smell his rancid breath, and you felt his hand trace his way up and over the shell of your ear, swiping down your braid gently with his finger, letting it rest in his palm.  

“Ty dostatochno urodliv, chtoby ne vyzyvat' podozreniy.” You’re ugly enough to not arouse any suspicions. He sneered, “I ty deshevle shlyukhi.” And you’re cheaper than a whore.

He shrugged, slamming your own door shut behind him, leaving you to stew in your anger at his mean words. 

The next day, you called in sick and headed over to Building E. You were bundled, smoking a brand new pack of cigarettes, your belly full for the first time in weeks thanks to the silovik’s money. This was not an area for foreigners, nothing like the shops and rental properties near your job on Tverskaya. But, when you saw the Brits emerge from their ground-floor flat, they were looking more and more like they belonged. 

They’d taken to dressing in cheap but warm clothing, sporting hats and shoes and jackets they’d seen other men wearing around the bloc, and whomever had trained them in looking unapproachable had done a damn good job. Alas, they were still too noticeable to get away with much. Their nails were too clean, they were too well-fed, and the stain of an oppressive cycle of gray winters had not hardened their expressions quite enough. 

You lingered closer to their apartment, pretending to pass out pamphlets you’d found around the bus station, giving yourself a reason to get near their entryway. One of them, the tall, handsome one with dark skin, walked by you, ignoring your pamphlet, letting the folded brochure graze his shoulder as he walked. 

You chased after him, 

“Gospodin, podozhdite! Razve vy ne khotite uznat' o –” Sir, wait! Don't you want to know about –

“No Russian. Izvini, ya ne govoryu po-russki.” His voice was warm like a fire, even when he was trying to give you a cold shoulder.

“Here, sir. Please, take it,” you moved closer, slipping the bug into his coat pocket, pretending to stumble over the cracked sidewalk a bit, keeping your eyes pinned on his and praying that he would take the bait. 

He stopped walking, and for a moment, you thought you’d gotten away with it. He took one of your pamphlets, and you noticed just how much bigger he was than any of the FSB assholes who had come into your house. But, the pair of big, brown eyes that stared into yours were too bright, they held too much knowledge, too much experience. Behind his gaze lurked a smart, calculating beast, and when he let your pamphlet flutter onto the slick, icy path, you knew you had been caught. His full lips curled up into a smile, not unlike the one Eyebrows had given you when he degraded you in your own home, and he reached his hand into his pocket, pulling out the device you’d planted. 

“Drop somethin’, love?”

Your breath caught in your throat, and you stared at the bug between his fingers. With very little effort, he smashed it in his hand, reducing it to platicky bits and letting them fall to the concrete, grinding them under his black, leather boot, crushing it to dust. 

You turned, bolting back to your building, but he caught you by the wrist, gripping you even harder than the FSB men, nearly breaking your small bones just like he had destroyed the bug. 

“No, please. They made me!” You protested, stumbling as he dragged you through the dimly-lit hall of his building, scraping your shoulder along the rough wall as he stomped off towards his flat. 

You fought him, knowing that once he pulled you over the threshold of his door, you were as good as dead. 

“They made you, huh? Did they threaten you? They holdin’ your mum hostage at the Kremlin, innit that right?” He rolled his eyes, showing the same disdain for you as you had for the FSB agents, sarcasm dripping from his sharp teeth. 

“No… No! But they –”

He shouldered the door open, letting it bang into the wall, landing in the same spot where dents already existed from years of other men doing the same exact thing. 

“They what? They said they’d come back and kill you, is that it?”

He sat you on the bed, your wrist still stuck to his closed fist, and he stood between your legs, towering over you like a giant. 

“No…” You sniffled, fearful tears rolling down your cheeks. 

“No. Then what are you doin’ this for, babydoll? Don’t you fuckin’ know better?”

“I needed the money!” You screamed up at him, shame flooding your voice. 

He paused, looking down at you for a moment, his eyes glaring but a fake smile warping his visage. He looked like a hyena when it laughs, hungry and ready to taste blood. 

“You needed the money? So, you risked your fuckin’ life. My fuckin’ life. All for what?”

He wanted a number. You stuttered, suddenly regretting telling him the truth,

“Ten th-thousand…”

“My life, all for ten thousand filthy fuckin’ rubles? Bloody hell…” He was laughing in disbelief, now. His hand wasn’t even holding onto you anymore. He was just shaking his head in disbelief, bitter and cruel in his appraisal of you and your morals.

“We come all the way out to this bloody fuckin’ shithole, tryin’ to stop a goddamn terrorist, tryin’ to save you bastards from fuckin’ war. And you’d sell me out for a goddamn hundred quid?”

His eyes peered down at you, and he seemed like he was full of thoughts. His energy was electric, and you could almost feel the edges of the room bending and warping as his mind raced, controlling you and this nasty little predicament like a magician, every movement was sleight of hand, every word was a riddle. 

“What else would you do, huh? I got the bleedin’ bills right here,” he ripped a stack of rubles from his back pocket, flipping them in front of your nose like he was counting them out for you, letting the corners slap against your skin, “How much do you want? I don’t have any fuckin’ bugs for you to plant. So, what else are you gonna give me, huh?”

He bent his body down to look you right in the eyes, too close and yet his breath didn’t make you recoil like Eyebrows’ had. You imagined, in another place, in another time, this man could be good. He could be kind. But, what motivation had you given him to be kind to you?

“I… I don’t know… What do you want?” You asked him, sniffling and pitiful, holding your arms to your chest like you were shivering from the cold. 

“How much for a kiss, hm?” He smiled, pretending to be sweet, and doing a poor enough acting job to know that he was still a threat.

He held up a red, crisp five thousand note, holding it in front of your eyes. Slowly, right in front of your face, he folded it in half and brushed the paper across your lips, watching with satisfaction as your mouth fell open in shock and terror.

“Yeah? One kiss. I think it’s a good bargain, love. What do you think?” His voice was low, like a lover’s, and yet you knew you were anything but. 

You didn’t know another way out of this situation, so you leaned forward, pressing your mouth to his, kissing him as if you were in a school play, performing the act and yet feeling only embarrassment and shame. 

“Mm,” he pulled back, his brow furrowing, “Let’s try again, yeah?” He pulled another note out, just as clean and crisp as the first, holding it up to your mouth this time, “Go on, then. Kiss me like you mean it.”

He kept the paper in place, moving his mouth over it, kissing you with the barrier between your lips, his other hand gripping you at the nape of your neck and forcing your head to move where he wanted it to. Then, as he kissed you deeper, the paper fell, wet and crumpled on the floor. His tongue invaded your mouth, and he sucked on your lips, making you forget that you were not supposed to be enjoying this. 

“You’ve such a soft little mouth, love. Bet you can do all kinds of things with it, huh? Or does it only know how to lie to me?” 

He glared, and you didn’t know what to say. So, you waited, watching as he counted out ten of the five thousand notes. It was twice what you’d made last month. 

Then, he raised himself up to his full height, holding out the cash in his hand like a fan, showing it to you like it was proof of your crimes against him,

“C’mon, baby. It’s all yours. Every goddamn cent,” his hand tightened in your hair making you cry out from the pain of his fist on your scalp, “What’re you gonna do for it?”

You stared up at him and then your eyes settled on the crotch of his pants, bulging and tight right in front of you. You looked up at him again, and he looked like he was holding back his laughter, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from cackling at your helplessness. 

You looked back at his obvious erection, and you gingerly began to unbutton his jeans, the only sound in the room was the whir of his zipper and the breaths that were hitching in your chest. He was hidden behind black boxer briefs, so you peeled them away, freeing his heavy cock and watching it sway in front of your face. 

Then, you hesitated, wondering if he would truly force you to suck him off just for planting a bug on him. You looked up at his face, searching for the gentleness that you knew could be there. But, it wasn’t. He’d put that away, saving it for another, a prettier one, someone more deserving. You were just another problem for him that he needed to solve. 

“Come on, love. Don’t get shy on me, now,” he purred, using his fan of cash to brush down your face and mouth, petting you with it, over and over, creating a deceptively silky softness on your cheek, lulling you into thinking you were choosing to do this on your own. 

You leaned forward, taking just the head into your mouth, looking up at him for his approval. He grinned at you, smiling wide, winking at you audaciously,

“Tha’s it, baby. I knew you could put that mouth to work. Anythin’ for the cash, right?”

He was teasing you, watching you struggle to take even half of his length, rubbing your cash all over your face and nose, using it to grab you around the jaw and move you back and forth as you attempted to suck him off. 

“How much for me to see those heavy fuckin’ tits, huh?” He let each bill fall across your face one by one as you jerked his shaft and suckled from his drooling tip, working him like a pump, expecting him to flood your throat,  unfeeling and uncaring. 

 You pulled away from him and looked up in the same shocked way, not understanding how you could get yourself out of this. He had you under his spell, threatening in tone and stature alone, but it was enough. 

You shucked off your jacket, and you began to unbutton your sweater, wearing nothing underneath. Bras were expensive, and you couldn’t justify wearing them out on your days off. Button by button, his cock twitched, shining with your spit, still beading up at the slit with his precome, eager for more. 

Finally, your sweater fell open, and you removed it, laying it with your jacket, and looking up at him for another round of approval. 

“Wow,” he praised you sarcastically, “Such a good girl, aren’t you? If someone holds out a bill in front of you, you’d fuckin’ stab your own mum in the back, huh?”

“No! I was only –”

His cock was back in your mouth, and you choked on it, struggling to take it so deeply and upset by how much of the shaft was still left to go. He pushed himself forward again, forcing himself down into your throat, making you take him in such a way that you didn’t know was physically possible. 

“You just needed the money, I know, I know. You fuckin’ told me that. Short memory, me.” He laughed, watching you struggle to breathe as he held you in place, “Don’t worry, baby. I’ve got it right here.”

He reached back and grabbed another stack of bills, spreading some over your nose and face, using the other notes to tease and fondle your breasts, his hands neither holding them nor placing them deliberately. He was just smearing them across your flesh like it was paint, covering you in the notes, desperate to make you feel them against your nipples and your breasts and your sensitive neck, wrapping the paper over your body and squeezing it to you, groping you behind the money until it fell to the floor. Then, he could fondle you properly, pinching your hanging peaks, teasing them until they were taut, and rolling their nubs between his thumb and forefinger as you tried to bob your head up and down on his length. 

Then, once he was pleased with your body, he turned his attention back to your mouth, holding both sides of your head in his huge hands, guiding your head all the way down to his black, curly root, burying your nose it his pubes maliciously, his cock throbbing when you gagged and gasped around him.

He began to thrust into you, humping his cock down your throat, not bothering to stop to allow you to take a breath. 

“Tha’s it, baby. I knew you could fuckin’ do it. Just had to pay you the right amount, huh? A few rubles and this tight little throat opens right on up for me.”

Suddenly, with a show of strength you had never experienced, he held your face down to this body and jerked up into you, hard. He began to fill your belly with his hot come, cutting off your airway as he held your mouth in place. With each pump, you felt yourself getting closer and closer to coming. It was a natural reaction, and you had no say in it. 

Unfortunately, he noticed. 

“Look at you,” he clicked his tongue against his teeth, “You fuckin’ love it, don’t you? Swallowin’ my knob for money like a bloody hooker and comin’ in your knickers like a slag.”

The door to the flat opened up, and he ignored it, his fury and lustful rage focusing solely on you. You tried to get away, writhing and wriggling with desperation, trying your best to take a breath in whichever way you could. 

“Gaz,” a man’s voice purred through the room like a warning, “Who’s this, then?”

“I dunno, Captain. Said she’d do anythin’ for a few quid. She even tried to plant a fuckin’ bug in my pocket for those Kremlin bastards, but we found something else she’s good at, didn’t we, baby?”

Gaz ripped himself out of your throat, strings of drool and come connecting his gleaming head to your wet lips, open, choking, and panting for breath. He dragged his dark, ebon head across your soft cheek, just like he’d dragged the money, and he wiped himself on your face with abandon. 

“Don’t worry, love,” he grinned down at you, admiring the way he’d made a mess on your skin, “I’m sure there’s all sorts of talents you’ve got. Now, how much for me to fill up that pussy?”

“I don’t think I should… I can’t…” You whispered, unable to use the full power of your voice. 

But, Gaz was already shoving you down onto the bed, rolling off your pants, and staring longingly down at your shining cunt. He turned to the captain and smiled,

“Think she’ll give us a two-for-one deal?”

Their laughter turned your stomach, but when you saw them reach into their wallets to shower you with more and more cash, you spread your legs wide, admitting to yourself that you were nothing more than a filthy whore for them, letting them take you as many times as they wanted, the red paper notes sticking to your sweaty flesh as your body rocked back and forth across the mattress.

[storm-angel989]

Outside The Office Part Thirty

“Hey, princess. You have to wake up now.” 

The  sound of Vox’s voice and the feeling of his hand startled me awake. I sat up quickly, the blanket falling from where my head had been tucked in. Gone was the warm, protective darkness of Valentino’s wings. Instead, the blankets were wrapped tightly- mimicking his hold on me. My head ached, and I wondered how he had managed to get me into bed without waking me up.

“Where’s Val?” I asked as I looked around the room. 

“Valentino went to go handle something, and he left me in charge of making sure you, my dear, eat dinner and don’t sleep for too long. We’re going out tonight! Drugs should be well out of your system by now, so up you go!” He said in a sing-song voice. “Com’on now!”

I groaned and flopped back down under the covers. “My head hurts.”

“Shocking,” he said sarcastically. “Here, drink this,” he untwisted the cap and handed me a bottle of sweet sixteen. “All of it, in your tummy. Then I’m checking your vitals, and then you can get up.”

I scowled at him. “I would say you act like my Dad, but that would be an insult to you.” 

“Aw, love you too princess. Now drink up.” He replied as he pressed the back of his hand to my head. “All of it.”

I took a sip. And then another. Instantly, the headache began to fade. 

 “You will actually make a great Dad one day, you know.” I said between sips. 

He rolled his eyes. “No. Vel and I don’t want kids, but I’ll make a hell of an Uncle whenever you and Val decide the time is right.”

I paused and lowered the bottle. Kids? I hadn’t thought that far ahead.  “Can that even happen? Can I get pregnant?” I asked. 

Vox shrugged and pulled his hand away. “Do you still get your period in hell?”

I felt myself flush. “I mean, yeah. On time, every month. Just like in heaven.”

“Then there you have it- yes. You and Valentino can have kids. It’s just a matter of trying, I would think.” He paused. “Not that I’m rushing or encouraging it, but you brought it up.”

I felt a shiver run down me. Valentino had to have had sex with thousands of demons in his line of work. Was Vox implying something? 

“Wait, does Valentino already have…”

Vox let out a laugh and cut me off. “Fuck no. God, that would be awful. No, princess, he would have to want them in order to have them. That’s why you two can fuck all you want and not have a single worry. Part of the perk of being the Overlord of Lust. Until he decides, really decides he wants to procreate, he won’t physically be able to.”

I took another sip of my drink as I considered his words. “I would need a big diamond on my finger before kids are even a thought. And a wedding. Do people, demons, get married in hell?”

“Sure do,” Vox said. He sat down next to me and took my wrist in his hand. “Demon weddings are a good time, might I add.” 

I squirmed ever so slightly as he took my pulse, but tried to exhale and stay calm. “Don’t you have my vitals synched from my watch to your phone?”

“Sure do. I like to check the accuracy though. Make sure the data is correct,” he replied as he clipped a pulse oximeter to my finger. “Why are you so fidgety?”

“I don’t particularly like medical stuff being done to me,” I replied honestly. “I mean, it's one thing to play around with it, or like, when Valentino and I are in bed, but it's another thing when it's serious.”

“And why is that? Did something happen when you were with the angels? Cause I don’t have any record of any major surgeries or traumatic events or things like that?” Vox asked as he leaned back, waiting for my answer. 

I shrugged. “I got held down alot when I was little. I didn’t like shots, and it didn’t take much for me to be pushed down and forced to stay still. I mean, it was for my own benefit of course, but…”

“There are better ways,” Vox finished for me. He shook his head, looking absolutely disgusted. “Fuckin angels.” 

I let his comment go. “It’s weird though, because, I mean, when my head is on Valentino’s body, I feel the opposite. Safe. Secure. And I don’t mind him taking my pulse when he’s not looking to…do something medical with the information, if that makes sense?”

“It does- and I appreciate you sharing that with me. I’ll bear it in mind.” He squeezed my shoulder gently with his other hand. “Our goal is to keep you safe, so you’ll never fully escape getting checked over, but at least we’ll make sure you consent. Can you agree to that?”

I nodded. 

“And on your other note, I think listening to the heartbeat of someone you love is much, much different than being held down and medicine painfully forced into your body.” He released my wrist and reached into his bag.  “But speaking of heartbeats, I do need to listen to yours. You good with that?” Vox asked as he pulled a stethoscope out of his backpack.

I nodded and sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. “Thanks for asking. I am. I trust you. You didn’t tattle on me.”

“No, you tattled on yourself. And I’m glad you did. Stop talking for a second, let me listen.” Vox said as he pressed the disk to my chest. “Good, now deep breath in. And out. 

I stayed still and tried to relax. His touch was light. Gentle. Finally, he pulled back and draped the scope around his neck. 

“Heart sounds good. Lungs do too. Let me check your blood pressure and you’ll be all good. You need to keep drinking.” His voice softened ever so slightly. “Which arm did Val put the IV in? I’ll use the other arm.” 

I offered him the opposite arm and he wrapped the cuff around. I felt the nerves begin to settle. 

“So, why do you know how to take vitals? I mean, I sort of get Valentino but, why you?” I asked. 

He paused and looked at me. “Data accuracy. If something I create reads a number, I want to make sure it's right. And I don’t trust anyone other than myself, so I learned basic skills. Vitals I mean. I technically could take blood or put an IV in but if given the choice between a nurse or me, pick the nurse. For your own benefit. Now shush for like one minute.”

I waited patiently until he deflated the cuff. He seemed satisfied and tucked everything back into his bag. I took the last drink from the bottle of sweet sixteen and set the empty bottle on the nightstand. Silence from Vox as he typed furiously on his phone. 

“Am I okay?” I asked after a few moments of quiet.

He looked unconcerned. “Mhm, yep. You’re fine. Vel’s going to be late, which means it's you and me, kid.” He stood up and swung his bag over his shoulder. “Look, why don’t you go shower and get yourself comfortable for the night? I’ll get to work on dinner. Vel will join us eventually, but I think eating here before we go out will be a nice change of pace. And fits with what you’re trying to do a bit better. Agreed?”

He saw me hesitate. 

“Oh no. You don’t get to tell me you’re not a fan of my cooking after all this. Come on, you can help.” He took me by the hand and pulled me to my feet. “Go shower, get yourself comfortable and meet me in the kitchen in twenty minutes. I’ll get the prepwork all done.” 

I watched as he strolled out of the room and closed the door behind him. Vox really did mean what he said- eating at home, supporting my choices. I took a quick shower and wrapped myself in my comfiest pajamas  before walking into the kitchen to join him.  

“You’re brave, cooking with Vox isn’t my idea of a good time.” Velvette said as I walked into the living room. “And come see me once he gets everything in the oven. I’ll do your hair while we wait.” 

“Hey! Come on over kid!” Vox said cheerfully as I stepped into the kitchen.

I popped myself up into the usual place on the counter. “Whatcha making?”

“Something yummy. Here, try this.” He stirred something in a pot and offered me the spoon. 

Again I hesitated but let him put the spoon in my mouth. Warmness, an spicy and sweet. It was delicious. 

“Damn, Vox- what is that?” I asked.

He beamed. “You like? It’s the sauce for the pasta. We’re having one of my personal favorites for dinner tonight, along with chicken and spinach meatballs and a big tossed salad. A few carbs, good protein, all the things your body is going to need to get back on track.” He stuck the spoon back in the pot and stirred.

“What can I do to help?” I asked as he moved fluidly around the kitchen. 

“You can sit there and talk to me. Information, kid. I want to know more about what they fed you, I want to know about how your day to day routine went. And I really want to know if you’ve ever heard the name Alastor.” His voice caught on the name. “And any information you have on him.”

I tried to think back. Vox had mentioned his name before and at the time, it hadn’t meant much to me. I was more wrapped up in the moment to pay much attention to the cause of his rage baking. But now that he mentioned it, the name was familiar. 

“Alastor. I know the name, I just don’t remember why.” I said finally. 

“So walk me through your day, maybe it will trigger something,” he answered eagerly. “Start with waking up. What did you day look like?”

My day? Depended on the age.

As soon as I was old enough to talk, my day started at four. Memories of my father in the kitchen, making sure I ate what he cooked. Days spent either in his office, or in the arms of one of his many “brothers”- my Uncles. If I wasn’t being taught a skill or concept, I was by their side.  I was on base constantly, a shadow to the soldiers. I learned how to eat, speak, breath, control, be controlled, clean, and act like one by process of diffusion. I knew nothing else. 

It wasn’t until I was old enough to dress myself that things began to change. Dad became stricter, and my focus shifted from tagging along to participating. Memories of one of my most favorite “Uncles” running alongside me, slowing his pace to mine. My father yelling at me to speed up. Training drills with my wings out, falling to the ground after a hard hit. Whining wasn’t tolerated. I learned how to take the beating and get back up as if nothing happened. 

That wasn’t to say I wasn’t taken care of in a sense. Nor was it all bad. My father wasn’t always completely harsh. But when we were on base, which was most of the time, his job was to train and lead. And that was his focus. Making strong soldiers. 

Vox was quiet as I talked him through the details.

“Did he ever offer you comfort? Was he ever kind?” He asked after a few moments of silence.

I shrugged. “I mean, sure. When I was little I would climb into his bed and cry out nightmares. Or he would put bandaids on boo boos. But it wasn’t exactly his strong point- some of the others had daughters and he was more than happy to let them handle the softer points.” 

Vox shook his head in disgust as he put a pan into the oven. “Kids deserve love. No wonder you have such a…”

“Fucked up idea of things? And Dad loved me, Vox. It was just a different kind of love.” 

“I don’t know if I would call that love, kid,” he answered. 

“Vox has a point, mi amore.” Valentino’s voice entered the room.

I turned my head and looked as Valentino walked into the kitchen. He kissed the top of my head. “Sorry I couldn’t be there when you woke up love.” 

I shrugged. “No big deal.”

“Can we get back to the whole kid who grew up without love thing, because that’s fucked up,” Velvette said as she joined us. She pulled herself up next to me.

I frowned. This conversation was quickly becoming incredibly uncomfortable. “It was love,” I protested. “Just a different kind of love.”

“Mmm, no, it wasn’t. But you’ll learn the difference, one way or another, eventually,” Valentino replied. 

He seemed to sense my unease because he immediately turned to Vox and changed the subject.

“What are you making, anyway? It smells good.” He gave Velvette a meaningful look and she jumped down from the counter.

“Hey, reader, let’s get you dressed for the night, its going to be a blast! Come on, I have the perfect outfit in mind!”

Grateful for the escape, I followed her down to her room.

[enchantedflameandflower]

Can you talk about your thoughts on Billy and Becca's relationship? From what I've read from your comments and notes, you're not a big fan of them together and it's rare to find others besides myself in the Boys fandom willing to be critical of this ship and especially Becca herself in regards to how it turned out.

Yeah I can certainly try! I don’t speak on it a lot I don’t think because I’m not about to argue with someone I don’t even know and I’m not going to put down someone’s ship. I wouldn’t say I’m not a fan of them together, I love how Billy loved her and he did - I would say I’m not a fan of the way people put her or their relationship on a pedestal just like she said not to and they were clearly toxic for each other.

My feelings have a lot of different aspects - one I think she’s just badly written, I mean she’s totally fridged and there’s no basis in my opinion for her to be amazingly perfect? (Not that any woman has to!) So I don’t get why people think that. Two - my feelings while I’m watching emotionally are kind of different from my more academic opinions and are also different from Addison’s feelings on it - which in my head I’ve really gotten into so I can write my story authentically.

I will say additionally I have a degree in psychology and I’ve been in a happy successful relationship for 27 years (so far) from 16-43 so I know a little bit about what it takes. The things we have been through together and come out still completely committed and fully loving each other…

Emotionally, she annoys me and that’s just me. They’re trying to make her look like some amazing mother but the first chance she gets she’s spouting how she just ‘acts’ like ‘Carol fucking Brady’ like what? How is that in any way being a good mom. And I hugely disagree with her over sheltering. And she just wishes she was doing nothing on the couch smoking weed and eating Cheetos like huh? That’s the first thing she wants to say to Billy after 10 years? The way she acts about it rings so weird to me. Now BELIEVE ME I absolutely do those things too and enjoy it when my child is good for the night but I would never say it like that or think like that nor would that ever be my first conversation with my husband after hiding from him for a decade.

Billy was shown often (except for one weird one off line) to be there for her and love her but her whole attitude and the ease with which she left him leads me feel she was in it for a good time and not much else. The conversation about the spice girls concert is ridiculous. I can’t even fathom making my husband do something like that that he’s not into. We absolutely both have things we like to do together and then we have our own things too. Why would she force him to go to something he hates like that? Especially when she has her sister to enjoy it with. I don’t get it at all and it’s not how a relationship works.

In the fourth season the Becca hallucination tells Butcher that he shouldn’t betray Hughie even to save Ryan, there would be another way. And that’s what should’ve happened after she was r*ped. She left Billy because he would’ve gone on a rampage if she told him?? She thinks he wouldn’t if she disappeared? (He did.) How does that make sense. There’s always another way. Just like she says. I cannot even for a second imagine doing what she did to my husband. And yes I understand Billy has major problems but he was never shown to be beyond love and support. I don’t think she supported him as a partner at all. She was there because he was hot, sexy, he worshipped her and he took care of her. How did she take care of him, ever? I have a lot of Billy in me on the inside and I’ve said some very choice things in private messages but I won’t say them here haha <3

Now Addison is a better person than me, though of course she doesn’t know any of those examples, but she loves Billy unconditionally even though it’s going to be really really hard but her view of Becca is through Billy’s eyes so she really respects and protects that vision for Billy in a way and I kind of like exploring that too :) Latest chapter out here 🖤

hope that kind of makes sense, and thank you for your ask. just my thoughts and all ships should be happily whatever the shipper wants them to be because a ship can be anything

[poppyseedqueenz]

Follow up to the OwONekko Situation

Okay so there's now an update to the Situation

So after Nondi(OwONekko) uploaded her ai video a few youtubers made videos about the situation most notably a youtuber by the name of Jouusta and in Jo's video she respectfully criticizes and critiques Nondi's video about AI without being rude or mean even as going as far to say she RESPECTS Nondi as a fellow artist

Jo's Video:

Jo's video gained almost 300k views This prompted many youtubers to make their own videos about the situation and many people became aware of the situation however there were some people who took things too far and started straight up harassing nondi and to be fair the people who were harassing her for the sake of hating on her are such disgusting pricks however what im about to show next I can NOT stand by so as I said Jo's video gained a lot of attention and prompted many youtubers to make their own videos on the situation nondi obviously caught wind of this and moments later as a Response to Jo Nondi Goes Live Uploading This:

Nondi's Video:

Out of ALL the Responses Nondi Could make THIS is how she responds to criticism?? I'm sorry but this is just downright sickening and sinister!

first off the way she portrayed Jo in the thumbnail is straight up despicable like the crude picture of Jo?

Really Nondi?? How old are you?

And of that wasn't Nondi is now accusing Jo is being racist without ANY proof Jo never said ANYTHING about Nondi's skin color and that was something nondi pulled out fo her asscheeks what makes this worse is that nondi has 300k subscribers while Jo only has 50-80k subscribers there were die-hards trying to defend nondi but now there are some people straight up harassing Jo now!

Which is Funny Beacuse in Nondi's Video about AI she LITERALLY said that she "doesn't like bigger youtubers hurting or telling smaller artists what to do" which is EXACTLY what she's doing! Nondi is a massive hypocrite someone respectfully criticizes and critiques Nondi's video and THIS IS HOW SHE RESPONDS??? She is a GROWN ASS WOMAN who knew DAMN WELL what's she's doing especially when she went live with that

and recently it's been found out that she was being Allegedly transphobic to the artist that prompted her to make her ai video beacuse it was found out that the artist went by he/them pronouns but nondi referred to him as she/her nondi did state that she did not know that information HOWEVER she still continued to refer to the artist with the wrong pronouns instead of the right ones which is he/them which is transphobic and really fucked up to be fair she didn't know but again even after she said that she didn't know the gender of the artist she was misgendering she still continued to refuse his pronouns and started deleting comments correctly calling out and correcting nondi

At this point Nondi needs to bust out the ukulele and sing beacuse it's her only hope

Or better yet she needs to get her asscheeks off the internet and actually stay offline for a while beacuse she's acting very immature and childish and as of this moment she's lost over nearly 20,000+ subscribers and the sub count is getting lower and lower(deservingly) beacuse is not appropriate behavior beacuse the last time someone used their platform in this fashion her statement went down as the most worst statement on Youtube

Nondi should not be any different which is why it shocks me that there are a select few people defending this. Nondi is not a victim she was rightfully called out but instead of being an adult she pulls a colleen ballinger and spins the whole thing on her critics and blaming THEM for HER actions I do not stand behind this and I no longer support nondi

And( with the last tiny drop of respect i have for her beacuse respect left the door as soon as she did this) She respectfully needs to get off the internet for a while or just entirely beacuse nondi is digging her career's grave and may never bounce back from this

Nondi This Ain't It.

Do Better or get off the Internet

[thegodmother007]

My New Neighbor- Chapter 7: Pride & Prejudice

My New Neighbor Chapter 7: Pride & Prejudice

TRIGGER WARNING: This story will eventually contain violence, angst, threat of death, swearing, dark humor, adult themes like sex & drugs, racism, classism, sexism etc. Do not say you have not been warned

Chapter 7:

I got the notification from my bank that the $125 was dropped into my account a few days later & I was stoked. I already had a few things picked out & in my cart online that I used the $125 to pay for. It was then, as I clicked “checkout" that I wondered what Vi was going to get herself. My memory flashed in front of my eyes, remembering how Vi left Trivia Night a few days ago. I still felt a nagging in the back of my mind that I had upset her in some way. If I wanted a teammate for the next Trivia Night & to keep making money, I figured I would go and check in with her. I decided to text her, having gotten her number shortly before Trivia Night. “Hey, it’s Cain. Just wanted to see if your $125 dropped yet? I got mine this afternoon.” 

I left my phone on my coffee table, giving Vi some time to respond & picked up my gaming controller to kill some time before my shift at Dave & Crusters. After an hour or so, I took a break to grab some chips when I checked my phone to see that my message to Vi was ‘Read’ almost an hour ago, but left unresponded to. Maybe I am looking into it too deeply, but I had a pit in my stomach with the feeling that I probably did say something to her that may have upset her. I sighed and texted her again “Hey, did I upset you or something?” I asked her, and within 10-seconds, I could see she read it. I can see the bubble pop up indicating she was ‘typing’. I waited for her response, fishing through my cabinets for the bag of BBQ Chips I grabbed from the store yesterday. I hear a ‘ping’ and see Vi’s message across my screen. “Yea. That comment about giants being ‘better suited’ for hard labor was a bit fucked up considering I won us the Trivia Night...” My heart dropped reading that. I hadn’t meant it that way, I was just commenting on how they are capable of doing more physical tasks than us humans. I frantically typed back to her:

Cain: “I had not meant it in that way. It’s just you guys are better at the heavy stuff, that is all.” 

Vi: “You said you were shocked I am smart & could answer the questions during trivia night. You acted like you expected me to be an idiot.”

Cain: “I did not mean to underestimate you…”

Vi: “It’s more than just being underestimated. You treated me like the stereotype that Giants are bumbling idiots stuck in the stone age, is true. That is antiquated as hell.”

I felt a burning in my ears of embarrassment when I had to look up what ‘antiquated’ meant. Further showing me that maybe Vi is right, that I had the wrong idea about her. I felt like I should try to explain myself at least a little bit.

Cain: “I didn’t mean to stereotype you. I just wasn’t aware that there are giants who like school.”

Vi: “Yea, a lot of us like school & a lot of us are very educated.”

I could sense how matter of fact she was being in this moment and I didn’t know how else to continue the conversation. 

Cain: “I see that now. It won’t happen again.”

Vi: “Better not.”

I felt a twinge of fear crawl up my back at her last message to me. I couldn’t help but feel it was an underhanded threat. But at the risk of offending her again, I opt to say nothing to her about it. 

Cain: “Are we still cool?”

Vi: “For now”

I sensed she needed some time to cool off a bit, so I left the conversation. I looked at the clock to see my 2pm-10pm shift was not far away, so I went to grab my uniform & get ready. 

*************************************************************************************************************

Cain did not respond after my last message to him. I assume to avoid further pissing me off, which is fair. I had been waiting for an opportunity to talk to him about his comment towards me on Trivia Night. Admittedly, I continued thinking about his comment about what Giants are best ‘suited for’ and felt like I was 10 years old again. 

Involuntarily I was reminded of the time that I ended up meeting a group of human kids on the outskirts of the countryside where I lived, asking if they’d want to play with me. Being 10 years old at the time with no other kids my age living even close to me, I felt so lucky to find 4 who said “Yes.” Three boys & a girl. She was the younger sister of one of the boys who was forced to drag her along, but she was closer to my age & cooler than her brother, so I was happy she was there.

I hadn’t played with humans before, but I knew they were very fragile & I had to be extra careful when we played. That was always drilled into my head as a kid, to give humans their space & always be gentle. My father had a few human colleagues who he interacted with from time to time, so he always lectured me on the proper way to act around them, when I visited his work. 

It was fun at first, we had a great time together. I was only about 30ft at the time, so the size difference, although large, was not as intrusive as one would think. Kids can make almost anything work if it means playing. 

We played Medieval Kingdom where I played the dragon & the others were the knights and princess who slayed the dragon. Then we played superheroes, where I was the villain who was trying to destroy the city & the ‘heros’ defeated me to save the city. After that, we were dinosaurs where I played the T-rex & chased after everyone. Of course, I went slowly, so the humans could ‘get away’ and hide. It was a lot like hide and seek, but you act like dinosaurs & instead of ‘finding’ someone you ‘ate’ them. I later felt weird about that last part. 

After a while, everyone grew tired and the sun was going down, so we called it a day. Before we all went our separate ways, the boys asked if I would meet them again tomorrow to play. Without hesitation I agreed and went home to tell my parents and older brother all about the friends I had finally made. 

After dinner that night, I found my older brother who was 19yr old at the time, in the doorway of my bedroom. I was on my bed, drawing, when he came in. “Can I talk to you for a second?” he asked, with a serious tone that I didn’t really hear from him before. That night, he explained to me that playing the villain, the dragon & the most dangerous dinosaur, was not a coincidence. My brother tried explaining to me that humans saw Giants as dangerous. Already knowing that we could accidentally hurt a human if we weren’t careful, I tried shutting him down. I did not like how he was talking about my new friends. “Vi, just listen…” echoed in my brain as I remembered his next words. “Vi, humans see us as monsters. You were the dragon today because they see you as a monster. You were the villain today because you’re the enemy. You were the most dangerous dinosaur because you’re the most dangerous person to them.” I fought back, telling him that I liked playing the dragon, I liked playing the villain and I liked playing the T-rex. We were just having fun, what was the big deal? “The big deal Vi, is that you’re seen as the monster & you’ll always be the monster to them. Tomorrow, when you go back, ask them to play a game that does not involve you being the bad guy. Let’s see how they react.” 

Determined to prove my brother wrong, I went back to that field the next day knowing in my heart of hearts that he was wrong. But it never got that far. I sat in the spot we met, waiting to see my friends walking out the woods that separated my land from theirs, just like they said they would. After about two hours, I went home. “They probably got into trouble or got sick.” I told myself & I went back the next day. Then the next day. Each day, I waited patiently, praying they would show up. Much to my heart’s delight, one of them did. Sampson, the older brother of the girl my age, came out of the woods on his own, hands in his pockets. His eyes stayed casted down when he saw me sitting in the field. I was so excited that I would be able to go home and tell my brother just how wrong he was, that my friends came back to play with me despite what he said. Sampson came up to me, looking over his shoulder a few times as if he was looking out for something. “Hey Vi…” He said in a weak voice. I stayed seated, asking him what was wrong. “We can’t play with you anymore. My mom and dad found out we played with you & said it was too dangerous to see you again. They said it’s my job as an older brother to protect my sister…” My heart stopped for a moment, paralyzed by his words. “Why do they think I am so dangerous?” I asked him. Sampson took a few steps back, looking away while saying something under his breath that I couldn’t hear. I leaned in closer to hear him better “What?” I asked. Looking up at me with a pale face & true fear in his eyes he squeaked out “They said Giants used to eat people and that some still do. All Giants are dangerous and you could kill one of us if you wanted to.” I sat back up with shock “But I would never do that!” I exclaimed, feeling the tingling warmth of tears threatening to pour out. Sampson nodded “I know! I told them you were nice, but they didn’t want to listen. They said if we’re caught playing with you, we'll get punished.” I looked behind Sampson where I saw Allison, Sampson’s sister hiding behind a tree & the two other boys, peeking from behind a bush. When they saw me spot them, they all resumed hiding, away from sight. My attention was caught once again as Sampson said “We can’t play with you anymore Vi. You’re too dangerous & my parents don’t want us talking to you.” I watched one of my tears hit the dirt patch where Sampson stood, muddying up the ground. He avoided my gaze, and wiped what I could assume were his own tears from his eyes.

After some moments of silence, I hear Sampson ask me “Can you leave? We want to play but we can’t if you’re here…” I felt my throat tighten and my chest felt heavy. Slowly, I got up, wiping the dirt from my pink shorts. I did not say anything to them after that, knowing that nothing I could say would come out as anything besides broken sobs. I was already embarrassed enough, feeling the sting of rejection & of my brother being right. I turned & walked back towards home without having spoken to any of those kids again, trying to hold it in until I was far enough away. 

I didn’t go back home right away, I sat by a creek a few dozen yards off from my house & just stuck my feet in, letting myself cry until I was out of tears. I wrestled with what Sampson told me “Giants used to eat people.” That cannot be true. I have never eaten anyone, I have never seen anyone else doing that & the idea of doing it made me feel ill. I didn’t want my parents to see me cry, so once I was good & ready, I went to my brother Bo’s room where he was playing with his video game system. He sees me in the doorway, sparing me a glance before refocusing on his game “What’s up squirt?” He asked me, not peeling his eyes away from the screen until the only response he got from me was my sniffling. Pausing his game and looking at me with concern, he told me to tell him what was wrong, and I did. 

He listened to the whole story and sat with me as a few extra tears fell onto my lap. “I’m sorry they said that to you, Vi.” Bo said, giving me a hug. But one burning question bothered me to my core. “Is that true, Bo? Did Giants eat people?” Bo looked away, sighing much like he did when he warned me about humans the first time. “Yes. But a very long time ago. Like, hundreds & hundreds of years ago. No Giant these days has any reason to eat humans now, not like when we were all fighting for survival in the Stone Age.” Being 10 at the time, I didn't quite understand history & what survival took back then, but I took my brother’s word for it. “But if Giants haven’t eaten humans in hundreds of years, why are they still scared of us?” Bo was quiet for a moment, contemplating how to explain it to a 10yr old. “Because like it or not, Giants don’t need to eat humans to still be scary to humans. Imagine a person 50x bigger than you. They can step on you, grab & crush you, heck even if they don’t know you’re there, you could still get hurt, right?” I nodded, understanding what he meant. “So what can I do to not be so scary to them?” Hoping he had a way I could get my friends back and at that, he frowned “Nothing much you can do, kiddo. You’re a Giant & you’ll always be a Giant. There is no changing that, just stay away from them.” That answer hurt almost as much as Sampson telling me we couldn’t be friends anymore. 

I sat back on my couch, putting my phone on the side table as I looked up at the ceiling of my apartment. I had hoped that when I joined the Human & Giant Integration Program, I would have found my Unit Partner was more open minded than the parents of those kids. I was hoping that I would have met humans who were as interested as I was, in bridging the gap between the two races. I felt a distant feeling of disappointment, similar to what I felt the first time I encountered this kind of hurt. I remind myself “You’re a Giant, there is no changing that.” I sat, thinking about the next year I had in this place & figured we were only a few weeks into the lease, I needed to give Cain more time to warm up. “Imagine a person 50x bigger than you...” I faintly hear Bo’s voice say in the back of my mind. I look at my hands, picturing them compared to Cain, trying to put myself in his shoes, but that was a lot easier said than done. I decided I would push the memories from my mind with a good workout to clear my head. One of the reasons I chose this apartment that hosted the Integration Program was because they had an excellent gym. Very few emotions can’t be helped with a hard workout & some sweat. At the very least it would give me some time to think.

Previous ||| Next

[mrsjavierp]

Where you belong?

Chapter 8 - Fill the Void

Javier Peña x latin!f!reader

Summary: Running away from life as you always knew to start a new position as Head Chief on a DEA Office, far away, on Colombia. There, you'll face violence, as you never thought you could. There, you'll meet Javier Peña, your stubborn agent...

Warnings (to the whole fic): +18!, angst, smut, cheating, last relationships, drug dealing - Narcos Universe (not so accurate), bad spanish, english is my second language, use of Y/N and Y/LN. No physical description of the reader, only your clothes (sometimes). The POVs are shifting between reader (first person and Narrator - 3rd person)

(If I forgot anything, tell me, pls!)

Word Count: 4k

A/N: Thanks for your feedback, hope you enjoy this chapter! Hope to hear from you all soon! I'm also working on two stories (one shots) to our beloved Joel Miller and our corny cowboy Agent Whiskey

Tag: @creedslove | @pedrostories | @mjoee13 | @immyowndefender | @iamsherlocked-1998 | @pedroswife69 |

***

Narrator’s POV:

Arriving at the CNP headquarters, Steve, Javier and you get there almost at the same time.

The tension between you and Javier was noticeable. Steve knew better than asking either of you: he wanted to live to see his girls again… And to catch Escobar.

When you locked the door in your office, the tears started appearing. 

You lied to Javier about not remembering breakfast: you hoped he lied about it too. You actually couldn't recall talking about Ben.

Fuck, was a name you didn't think in a very long time… 

Especially after meeting Javi.  

Is Javi that full of himself to say that to me? What did he mean by that? What did I tell him? And most important: what he really knew about Ben? - You thought.

On the other side of the door, Javier’s mind was racing, trying not to act by impulse. But he decided to call a friend in NYC, who could tell him all he wanted about your history with your ex. He needed to understand why you were so worked up, why that bothered so badly.

However, he didn’t want Steve to suspect anything. Luckly, they got a tip about La Quica again, that he was buying a toilet... The same one that was on La Catedral and heading to the hills on San Isidro road.

When Steve went to speak to Jacoby, to fly Centra Spike over that location, Peña took the shot and called Joe:

“Hey, Joe!” - he greeted him.

“Took you long enough, Javi, you bastard!”

“Well, I tried to avoid long distance calls, you know I hate them.”

“Oh, so the rumors are true, you left your wife in Texas?”

“I did... Better for her and little Lucas, you know…” - he was looking over his shoulder, but no one seemed to be paying attention to him.

“So, how is Y/LN on the colombian field?”

“So far so good, man. She's a good cop…”

“She was one of the best here… But I’m betting my chips that it is not about her resume you called, you want the dirty, am I right?”

Javier laughed. 

“You fucking bastard, I knew it!”

“So, what you’ve got about her and her ex?” - Peña asked.

“Peña, that was a huge mess… He was already working here for a while and, months later, she arrived from the NYPD through the front door and found by herself a lead to a prostitution scheme… It was so big that it was a closed door OP, top secret stuff, it was only her, me, our boss and another couple of guys. The operation involved high-class prostitutes, working for high profile narcos. Ben heard the rumors about the OP and tried to sweet talk her to join it… But you know how she is with her work… Things do not mix at all.”

“Oh, I know…” - Javi sighed.

“Yep, so you know the deal... At first, it was just an evil comment here and there. I don’t know if she heard it, she trusted him, she was going to marry him. We were working our asses off, long and crazy hours. He took advantage and lied to her. He got sloppy and the rumors continued to grow... But I still don't know what she knew. Anyway, his luck didn’t last long: we were about to bust a brothel on the night that the narcos were there. Guess who was in one of those filthy beds?”

“No way…” - Javier closed his eyes, incapable of believing it.

“Yep. She found out on the job. Didn't help when she also discovered that he was trying to trade inside info with criminals.”

“Fuck, he was a dirty cop?”

“Yep. Luckily, she was too up-tight with all of her work. Not only was she as clean as a whistle, she got promoted to Colombia.”

“I can't believe it. Fuck...”

“Like a motherfucking movie, am I right?”

“Thanks for telling me. I can understand her behavior now…”

“She's one of the best cops I've ever got to work, Peña. She didn't deserve that.”

“I believe you. Well, thanks, man. Call if you need anything.”

Peña hung up the phone, if he was a mess before, now he was a wreck. The same questions were going through his mind again: How is he going to keep Lorraine away? How will he manage his boy's custody? How is he divorcing her and keep you in the dark, until the process is over?

A couple hours later, the tip to Centra Spike  worked: a conversation between another sicario, Velasco, and his lover is recorded.

You, Steve, Javier, Centra Spike, Mili Group and CIA reunited to see area’s maps:

"Well, we can discard the smaller ones... Not Escobar's style." - Steve pointed out.

"Which one of these has at least 2 roads of access?" - you ask.

"This one, Y/LN." - Jones, from the CIA, responded.

"This is your winner, niños." - you draw a circle, indicating it.

"Y/LN, what about Pinzón? We're gonna need men, equipment, cars..." - Javier commented.

"Leave Pinzón to me, Peña." - you responded.

You went back to his office, but he refused.

"¡Cabrón!" - you thought.

You went back to yours, but in the way, Steve talked to you:

"Jefe, any luck?"

"Not yet... But let me handle it. He doesn't know who he's dealing with." - the boys looked at each other, curious.

You called Crosby, Crosby called Gaviria and… Let's wrap it up: about 15 minutes later, you all were preparing to bust Escobar.

All the efforts for nothing, unfortunately: Escobar escaped through your fingers, again.

Escobar, however, made a career fooling and killing police officers, what he thought was going to a truce about to happen turned into a fuse to another battle, which made him even more dangerous.

Days later, you all were right as the skies were blue: another attack came. 

Escobar's sicarios killed a bunch of Pinzón's men all around Medellín… 

Pinzón chose to resign - it was the last drop to his sanity. He wanted personal peace more than to defend his country… How would someone judge him? 

Escobar killed more than four hundred cops a year - although it was a risk, it had no garanties on being alive and no one could fulfill any expectations to actually get it done.

*

Days passed by and President Gaviria decided to bring Coronel Carrillo back from Spain, as soon as he could.

The first thing Carrillo did was talk to you, since Peña and Steve weren't alone anymore:

“So, Y/LN… You're the boss now. I hope that we can work together at the same pace.” - Carrillo smiled at you.

“Well, I can't say anything about style, but we sure make a hell of a team. I'm saying the same thing as I said to Peña and Murphy: I'm also a field agent… Don't let the high hills fool you.”

He smirked.

“Vamos, Y/LN. I've got to say hi to an old friend…”

****

Carrillo decided to put up a show: tell in grand style about who's back in town. The actual goal was putting Escobar's partners on the map, by transmission. So Carrillo would stick his nose out and so would Escobar.

He lets you, Javier and Steve mapping Escobar's spies.

About a couple hours later, he came back and you and your inside team did the best you all could to track them all.

“We captured six radio transmissions.” - Jacoby informed. - “But we haven't pinpointed the exact location.” 

“So our best bet is to corner each of these buildings. This time, we hit the ground.” - you said.

Carrillo ordered his soldier, Trujillo, to send 6 unmarked cars with 4 men each, to observe the buildings, with 20 minute-intervals to avoid attention.

After that, he called Peña to join him.

“Be careful out there.” - you warn them.

Minutes later, when you and Steve are alone, you ask:

“Steve, is he always like that? Taking Peña up and down?”

“Sometimes, Jefe… He probably just wants an update to what happened from someone he trusts… He doesn't know you yet, it's his way.“ - Steve told me.

You'd show Carrillo who you really were: a woman younger than all three (Steve, Peña and himself) whose balls were bigger. 

***

Peña, Trujillo, Carrillo and other officers captured 6 of the boys who were working for Escobar. 

They took them to a hidden alley, on Bairro Escobar.

They are on their knees, scared. Well, 5 of them, at least.

“Do you know who I am?” - Carrillo started. - “My name is Coronel Horacio Carrillo. Last week, 30 police officers were murdered.”

“Those pigs probably deserved it.” - one of them said.

“Shut up, kid.” - Javier murmured.

“Many of them were my friends. A person perched on rooftops guiding murders with radios are assassins themselves… I hope after this encounter you'll reconsider working with someone who thinks he's above the law.”

Although Javier knew Carrillo was right, something felt off. Wrong.

At the same time, Carrillo cocked his pistol.

“What?” - another boy provoked. He was no more than fifteen, brown skin. - “Am I supposed to shit my pants in fear?”

Javier's stomach ached badly. It's been a while since he was afraid of something.

“No.” - Carrillo responded, shaking his head. He pointed the gun and shot, with no hesitation.

His body just fell on the floor, like it was nothing.

“Am I making myself clear? I want you to tell your friends that this is what happens when you work for Pablo Escobar!” - he shouted.

Carrillo analyzed the boys and chose one: the youngest, probably no more than 7 years old. The boy was crying, in silence.

He bent down, looked deeply in his eyes and handed him a bullet.

“Take it.” - the little boy obeyed. - “Tell them this is for Pablo.”

Carrillo stood up again, as if nothing happened.

“Remember what you saw… And know what will happen to you if I see you on a rooftop. You can leave. Now!” 

The five boys ran as if their lives depended on it.

Javier couldn't move. He felt like throwing up. He looked at Carrillo, as if he asked something. 

Carrillo’s expression was cold and distant.

They all drove back to CNP in silence.

When they arrived back, Steve met Javi on his way out.

“Javi, where are the fucking spotters?” - Steve asked, anxious.

“Carrillo went a different way… He, uh… He cut them loose.” - Javier responded, screeching his head, tense. How the hell is he going to tell what happened?

“Oh, we're letting people go, now? I bet Y/LN will be pissed AF…”

Javi rolled his eyes and, lighting up a cigarette, said:

“Yeah, Murphy, we're letting people go.”

“And what does that mean?”

“Don’t worry about it, man.” - Javier opened the door of his truck. He needed to leave as fast as he could. He needed a hug. He needed to feel human again.

“Hey, fucking talk to me!” - Steve demanded, interrupting the friend.

“Let go my fucking arm.” 

“What the fuck happened?!” - Steve continued to bother Javier.

Javier sighted and responded:

“Carrillo put a gun to the kid's head and pulled the trigger… To make a fucking point.”

Steve swallowed hard. 

“We good now?” - Javier mocked, entered his car and headed to the apartment complex where you all lived.

***

About late at night, you hear fervorous knocks at your door.

You were awake, since you just got home.

You pick up your gun and open the door, without noticing that you were only wearing a thin long gray dress, showing your curves.

It was Javier, looking like shit with a bottle of whiskey and a cigar in hand.

“Let me in, please, cariño.” - his brown eyes were almost black. Sad and big.

You put down the gun and let him in.

“Peña, you look like shit… What happened?” - you asked, as you both sat down on your couch and he served whiskey to both of you and put the cigar in the astray.

“Salut, cariño.” - he raised his glass.

You raised as well, drank it up and put away the glass.

“Damn, Peña. That's good stuff… You didn't answer me. What happened?” - you uttered. You knew something bad had happened. The cigar, the good whiskey, his painful expression…

“Cariño, I… I don't know how to say it.” 

“Start from the beginning, Javi… I'm right here.” - you suggested, softly.

You were genuinely concerned for him.

He kissed your lips, softly, by surprise. 

You stop after a few minutes, reaching out for air. Your apartment felt like a thousand degrees. Your body was sweating, the adrenaline was running through your veins. But, again, you’d deny even from yourself.

“Javi…” - he already knew what you're going to say and he doesn't want to hear it again. 

“Cariño, please don't. Not now. I need to forget about today's route.”

“Okay, baby boy.” - you sat on his lap and kissed him deeply. He melted under your lips, his hands touching your body, hungry.

You only needed an excuse to be with him again. 

Just one more night… - you thought.

If you were wearing pants, they'd be on fire.

“Cariño, just a heads up…” - he started.

You looked at him, confused, waiting for the rest.

“I won’t be gentle. Right now, I can't. I'm really not capable… Are you okay with it?”

You continued on his lap, but now, you put your knees on each side of his body and he involved his arms around you. Even wearing clothes, the electricity was passing through both of you.

“Show me your worst, Peña… I dare you.” - you whisper.

He smiled, but his eyes darkened with lust.

Javier literally ripped your dress, revealing your skin.

“Hey! Are you fucking crazy, Javi?” - you yell at him. - “I’m gonna fucking…” - you didn't finish, as he slapped your cheek, not enough to hurt you, he never would, but enough to surprise you and make you shut up.

“You don't speak until you're spoken to, babygirl. You don't come until I say so. You won’t do anything without me saying. If you behave like a good girl, I may let you cum. If not, I'm gonna punish you. Understood?”

You shook your head positively, incapable of believing in what was happening.

He slapped your ass, bringing you back.

“Words, cariño.”

“Yes, I understood it.” - you responded, in a low voice.

Who was that man on Javier's body and where he was the first night we were fucked? - you thought. 

“Good girl, cariño…” - he touched your body, started at your neck and went down to your waist. - “Now, how do I begin? I've got so many options, so many possibilities… I know we only had sex one time, one night, but I feel like I know your body really well, cariño.”

You looked at him, anxious, waiting.

He picked you up in his arms and took you to your bed.

“Now, we're ruining your bed, cariño.”

He ripped your panties and, with no warning, kissed your mound. You relaxed as he kissed slowly for a bit. 

He got up, leaving you clenching over nothing.

He began to take off his suit and tie, your eyes hungry for him, mouth watering.

“What do you want, cariño?” - he asked, eyes locked up with yours.

“Can I help you undress, Javi?”

“Such a polite girl… Yeah, you can.”

You took off his tie, letting it rest on the bed. Helped him with the buttons on his shirt, holding back the urge to rip them as he did with your dress.

He took off his shoes and socks and you unbuckled his belt, letting it side with the tie… You had a dirty idea, but it would have to wait a bit.

At last, his pants went down with his boxers.

He was deciding on what to do, but you couldn't wait. Your hand touched his lower belly, aiming for his dick. 

“Oh, cariño, you want to use your mouth, now? Wanna please me?”

“Yes, Javi.”

“Beg for it.” - he said in that condescending tone you hated.

“Javi, please, let me suck your dick.” - you coo.

He caressed your cheek with one hand and the other held his shaft.

“I don't think you want it enough, cariño.” - and he slowly started going up and down his length. He had a stupid cocky smile on his face.

“You know I can be better than your hand, Javi… Please, let me touch you, I'm begging you…” - your voice barely was a whisper into your room.

“Go ahead, cariño… But don't be greedy. I don't wanna come right now.”

Your lips wrapped around his tip, while he held your head. Your tongue and lips worked up and down, while one of your hands cupped his balls.

“Fuck, cariño… I knew you were missing me, but didn't know you were so hungry for my cock.”

He grabbed your hair, setting the rhythm, until you couldn't stand only worth your knees on the bed, needing to claw at his tights, and your nose almost touching his pelvis. 

He was fucking your throat and you were so wet.

His mouth was making obscene sounds, saying how good you're doing, how badly he missed you and your beautiful lips.

He slowed down the rhythm, until he stopped, taking it off your mouth. His dick was aching for more, but he wanted to come inside of you.

“You did good, cariño. Can you continue to be a good girl for me?”

“Yeah, Javi.” - you responded. Your legs were trembling, your pussy throbbing for attention.

“Lay down and open your legs for me… Yes, just like that. Tell me, where did you leave your vibrator?”

“In the bathroom, the second drawer.”

“Don't move.”

He picked it up and examined it, curious about the pink wand in his hand.

“So, you've been touching yourself in the bathroom? Door closed? Biting your lips or a towel to not make any noise?”

You don't respond to it, you’re just running away from his glaze. 

He slapped your ass again.

“Look at me while I talk to you.” - he demanded. - “Answer me!”

“Y-y-yeah, Javi. I was doing it in the bathroom, biting a towel.” - you murmured.

“Now, you're gonna show me what you've been denying from me to hear, such as in person as through these walls… But don't come. Not until I say so.” - and handed you the vibrator.

“But Javi, I can't control myself when I use it…”

He smiled, the same sly smile you knew and hated.

“That's not my problem. You come when I say it.” - he was being ruthless towards you.

With your right hand shaking, you started to use your wand on the softest mode, as you were so aroused since it all started.

Your room was filled with vibration sounds and your moans. Your eyes looking at his figure, wishing he’d do something to you instead. 

You were also a hundred percent sure Javier was punishing you somehow. He wanted to prove himself again.

Javier, on the other hand, was admiring you. The way your pupils were dilated, your body was shaking, your smooth skin chilling, your beautiful pussy soaking wet… If he could, he'd take a picture just to eternalize that moment.

“O-o-oh fuck, Javi… I can't take it anymore… I'm so close, please, let me come!” - you beg.

He smirked at you.

“Oh, cariño, you're close?” - he leaned towards you, as if he was going to enter at your pussy. It only made it worse and closer, as you could almost feel his scent and his warm skin.

“Holyfuck, Javi, please! Please let me!” - you beg, desperately.

He grabbed his belt, tied your wrists together, holding your vibrator in your clitoris. After, he shoved his dick inside of you.

“Go ahead, cariño. Come for me and on me.” - he ordered.

You thank God he said that. You squealed his name high, releasing all of your juices onto him.

You were positively sure you woke up your neighbors.

“Oh, fuck! So good for me, cariño.” - Javier praised you.

He continued without any pity towards you, pounding hard inside you. 

Not only you’re embarrassingly wet, you were so overstimulated that the orgasm was knocking at your pussy again, so fast

“I love when you yell my name, cariño!” - he said, full of bliss.

“Javier, for god's sake!” - you yell again.

“¡Mierda! Cariño, are you close again?” - he asked with a devilish tone. - “What a delicious greedy pussy, missing me so much… Oh, fuck!”

Tears began to go down your face. It was impossible to hold anything more and, without his permission, you came again, your body shaking vigorously.

“Holy fuck, Y/N!” - It was his time to yell your name as loud as he could. - “I can... I can feel... You're so fucking tight, you're gonna rip my dick off!"

He untied you and turned off your wand. It relieved you for a bit, but he laid on top of you and chased his own orgasm. 

After he came, you both lay next to each other, gasping for air, eyes locked up to each other.

“I missed you so much, Javi…” - you reveal.

He smiled, happy. His hand went to your cheek, fondling.

“Yo también te extrañe, cariño. You have no idea…” (I missed you too.)

“I think I do, Javi… Te extrañe todos los malditos días desde la primera noche.” (I missed you all those damn days, since the first night.)

“Gracias a Díos, cariño. I thought I was alone in this mess.” (Thanks God.)

You laughed together.

“You can't pretend that you don't want to be with me anymore, cariño. I'm serious.” - he declared.

You sighed.

“I know, Javi… But we also know it's not that simple… We work together, I'm your boss, Escobar is on the run…”

“We can take it slow, we don't have to do anything you don't feel like it. But don't push me away again.” - Javier begged you.

“I really don't know how to, Javi. I don't know how to. I haven't dated since…” - you didn't finish.

His eyes were soft and warm, like cocoa on a winter night. Your heart felt like an ice cube on the sun, again. 

“Since your ex, Ben?” - he asked.

“Yep.” - you responded, popping the “p”. - “‘It’s not gonna be easy for you, so I’d like to warn you: if you have anything to tell me, tell me as soon as possible. I’m not gonna demand you to do it now, but think if you have anything to tell me, and if you do, you can.”

“First, we need to get to know each other. Build trust and I’m not talking about the field. Let’s get to know each other, talk, laugh, have sex, grab a bite. We’re neighbors, we don’t even need to leave our apartments if you don’t want to.”

“No one can know about us, Javier Jesus Peña. Not even Murphy.”

“Don’t worry about it, cariño.” - he pecked your lips softly.

“And please, don’t sleep with anyone else and it includes your informants.” - you rolled your eyes. - “I know, it’s stupid since we’re not in a relationship, but if you want to do it, please, just end this… this thing we’re about to begin. I’m not saying that again.”

“Cariño, for God’s sake!” - Javier laughed, his hand left your face to your waist. - “No one ever made me feel this way.” - you laughed. - “I’m serious, hermosa. Don’t worry about it.”

You breathe out heavily.

“Well, let’s see how it goes.” - you say, still not allowing your heart to sink further. - “We need a shower, Javi. Care to join me?”

He smiled and you both entered your bathroom... But Javier's mind didn't care for sleeping. He still needed to punish you for coming without his permission, while you were filling the bathtub, distracted.

"Of course, cariño... Besides, you haven't exactly been a good girl for me for a few days. Don't think I'll let you escape that easily."

Your eyes went to his naked figure, surprised.

"Oh, I thought I was off the hook..."

Next

[lastoneout]

It really is wild to tell a doctor to their face that I have tried to "push myself" to regain my mobility and it put me on bedrest for like three fucking months only for them to be like "well have you tried pushing yourself to regain your mobility??" like bro going on a 15 minute slow-ass walk around my neighborhood once a day for a month took away what was left of my mobility for THREE months and my knee STILL hurts more now than it did before. Pushing myself lead to me permanently making my pain worse, not better.

I also wasn't kidding about the cooking thing, I broke down about not being able to cook because I love cooking so much and eating take out and boxed/frozen food all the time SUCKS so my fiancé helped me make just spaghetti one night, just sauce, cheese, and noodles, it took 45 minutes, I was wearing my knee brace, and I sat down as much as possible, and I was in so much pain by the end that I could barely stand. How do I "push myself" in this situation?? I can't even make a basic dinner for myself and my fiancé without having to give up doing anything else including showering and giving my cat her meds and shit like that for the entire rest of the day. How do I push from here??

Like I just genuinely don't know how you can hear all that and then say to my face that continually injuring myself in this way is going to yield positive results. Every time I have pushed I have limited my mobility further. My PT even TOLD me I shouldn't reach the point of being in actual pain while exercising, if I'm hurting really bad I need to stop so I don't injure myself. How does my PT know that when my fucking rhumatologist doesn't??? How does it not make sense for me even just stay mobile until I hit my limit and then use the wheelchair so hitting my limit doesn't mean "not being able to do anything for the next two days"?????

It's like they think I just started hurting and fucking gave up immediately. I was forced to quit my job THAT I LOVED SO MUCH because even when I hit the point where I could barely walk or sit without pain I didn't want to give it up, I kept pushing myself until my fiancé would have to practically carry my ass to the car at the end of my shifts, and it ended with me so disabled I still can't work. My fiancé legit has to constantly step in to stop me from pushing myself too far because I just want to do the things I want to do and I will hurt myself because of it!! I'm independent to a fault, I hate nothing more than admitting that I can't do something I want to do. Every shred of mobility I have sacrificed has been torn from my very unwilling hands, I haven't given up, I've had it taken from me. I never stopped trying to keep walking, keep working, keep cooking, keep going places, I had to stop because I had no other alternative. It was that or destroy my body. And tbh overall I still chose "destroy my body" more often than I should have.

But they still act like I'm giving up. Like it's me being lazy and stupid that got me here. Like if I was willing to just cope with the pain and not give up it would fix everything even though I already tried that.

I dont hate being disabled, I really don't, even though I've had to give up so much stuff. I grew up with a disabled mother, she's used a wheelchair my entire life and tbh I'm thankful because it seems to have spared me the all too familiar abled worldview that disability is something tragic and shameful and horrifying. It's just life, it's always just been my life, and becoming disabled was pretty easy to accept because I never saw it as a tragic fate to be avoided at all costs. This is the body I have, this is what it can and can't do, my life isn't over it's just different now, I'm allowed to mourn what I used to be able to do while recognizing that I can still live a full life with the right kind of medical care. Most of my frustration comes from people projecting their ableist feelings about disability onto me! It's why "oh but you're so young" comments make me want to deck people.

The only thing I hate about being disabled is other people and all their fucking issues that they keep projecting onto me. The way doctors act like it's better for me to give up everything I do just so I can eventually maybe regain some of my mobility rather than give me the help that would ACTUALLY make that possible. And I cannot stand the way I'm treated like some sort of stupid infant who doesn't have any idea what's best for her because I recognize my own limitations and ask for help. The pain isn't even the worst part, it's the dehumanization and infantilization. The insistence that suffering is better than "giving up" and using a mobility aid. The idea that something happening to someone like me is a tragedy and not just part of life. And the way it constantly makes me feel like I'm the problem when I fucking KNOW I'm not.

Every issue I have faced has been a result of the way other people have treated me. My mobility probably wouldn't even be as bad as it is now if my doctors had Fucking Listened To Me when I first brought up my chronic pain as a teenager, because if they had they would have figured out that I have EDS and will always be damaging my joints and thus need braces NOW to prevent that damage from progressing. I hate thinking about how not being taken seriously by doctors is what got me here in the first place. I'm so fucking tired of my fate being in the hands of people who won't help me and then blame ME for how bad I'm doing and insist I have no idea what I'm talking about and helping me would make things worse actually and have you tried just suffering more.

It's legit inhumane. I just want to be treated like a person, and maybe have some recognition for the way other people constantly make my life hell rather than people acting like I got myself into this situation when I fucking didn't, they did.

I was never the problem.

[3-2-whump]

Reunion/Catching Up

<prev next>

Set two weeks after this incident

TW/CW: honestly, I can't really find any? Allusion to near-death experience?

Nico blinked once. Twice. Pinched his forearm under his work uniform as hard as he could. Nope, no dream. There he was, his dear friend, standing outside the guard shack with a thick jacket draped over his shoulders, waiting for him to begin his shift.

“Well, are you going to let me in? It’s fucking freezing out here,” Khaled said.

Before he could stop himself, Nico enveloped him into a bone-crushing hug. A small pained squeak and the tensing of muscles underneath him made him instantly pull away and apologize.

“It’s just, I didn’t expect to see –but here you are, and–oh my god, dude, I missed you!” His grin felt like it would split his face in two as he waved goodbye to the early morning shift guard and took his place at the control panel. “How have you been? What’s up with you? Wait, can I get you anything?” His eyes sparkled as he remembered the newest toy in the guard shack. “I got a Keurig out here now,” he excitedly announced, wheeling himself in his desk chair over to the little device. “Let me make you something to drink!”

Khaled held up his hands, palm out, as he offered a small smile. “Wait, wait, slow down! What’s gotten into you? You would think I’ve been gone for years or something,” he teased lightly.

“Well, we haven’t seen each other since August,” Nico patiently explained, filling the chamber of the Keurig with bottled water, “and it’s already April! So yeah, excuse me if I’m acting like you just came back from the dead!”

“Speaking of which, I almost did die two weeks ago.”

Nico put down the gaily painted mug he chose for him. It wasn’t so much the absurdity of what he just said, but how seriously his friend had said it. And, for once, Nico couldn’t detect any lie in his voice. He turned from the coffee machine to look up at Khaled. “I’m sorry, what?” he asked.

“Yeah, long story,” Khaled sighed.

Nico made a mental note to review the security footage from two weeks back.

“But it –the whole almost dying thing –got me thinking, and well…" Khaled sighed. "I haven’t been very honest with you in the past, but I want to be, here and now.” His dark brown eyes never left Nico’s. “There’s something I need to tell you, that I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

-

It was a good thing Khaled was kind of dense, otherwise Nico would never have gotten away with his half-hearted really’s, or wow’s, or I never would’ve known’s as his friend finally told him the truth. What he didn’t have to feign, though, was the “what do you mean you got a boyfriend?!”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Khaled backtracked. “We meet up at his place, beat each other up, and fuck, it’s not that big a deal, Nico.”

“Um, excuse me, you’ve been to his place? And fucked? At his place? That sounds like you’re basically boyfriends to me, dude! That’s kind of a big deal!”

A faint little blush scattered across Khaled’s cheekbones as his gaze dropped self-consciously to the mug in his hands. “I mean, it’s more of a garage, honestly. He lives above the garage he works at, there’s like a little loft thing…” He trailed off before drinking the last sip of coffee. “So…” he began to ask, “you’re not jealous that I found someone else or anything?”

The comment threw Nico for a couple seconds. “What? No, no, of course I’m not –Khaled, hey.” He gently reached to take the empty mug from his hands, letting their contact linger as his friend looked up to him. The vulnerable little look transported him back to that time in his car on a warm summer night. Nico chose his next words carefully. “I’m happy for you, really. I’m just glad, and so relieved, that you found somebody when I couldn’t be around.” He genuinely meant it, too. The worst part of their several-months apart separation was imagining Khaled suffering alone with nobody to turn to, which, thankfully wasn’t the case. “He sounds like a great guy –Julio, was it?”

Khaled grinned. “Yeah, and he is. Great, I mean.”

Nico realized he was still holding his hands. He slowly withdrew, finally prying the empty mug away like he had intended to. “Well, let’s hope he keeps being good to you, or else I’ll have to beat some sense into him,” he lightly threatened.

“I’d love to see you try,” Khaled chuckled.

Le Tag List: @kabie-whump @rainydaywhump @whumped-by-glitter @skittles-the-whumpee @generic-whumperz @bamber344 @there-will-always-be-blood @morning-star-whump

[mcu-fan-fics-blog]

Remember a Time XII

Series:  (Pt.1), (P.t 2), (P.t 3), (P.t 4), (P.t 5), (P.t 6), (P.t 7), (P.t 8), (P.t 9), (P.t 10) Wanda Maximoff x Fem! Reader, Natasha Romanoff x Fem! Reader ;) (High school Au ) No Powers Word count: 1931 A/n: Hello It's me again. I've got another update for you guys!!! I hope you're liking the story so far. let me know in the comments I'd appreciate it.

“Why’d you do it then?” The question hung in the air. It was a tough subject. There was too much hanging on that answer. But she didn’t seem to falter. She’d thought about that moment as much as you had apparently. “Because you wouldn’t have done it. So I told you to leave, you were building something real. And it took me a while to realize, but so was I.” Wanda’s words were well thought out and you hated to admit it, but she was right. “You built an amazing family Wanda, your boy’s are beautiful.” The twins brought something out in her, it was amazing to watch the pure love and adoration in her eyes as she watched them. “Thank you, they are amazing aren't they?” You nodded a small smile already forming on your face. “I wouldn’t have left.” You admitted. “Thank you for that.” You said, a bittersweet feeling passing through you both. 

New years was just another day for you, your mother and father had made plans abroad already, and it was too late for you to prepare for such a trip. You spent that new year alone, well not really but, It felt like it. Tony’s New years party was packed this year full with rowdy college kids who also looked as dorky and entitled as Tony. He however had Pepper at his side. You were relieved when Tony mentioned that Natasha had declined his invitation so you had one thing off your mind. Well not really it was all you could think of it plagued you, and having her there would only positively make it worse. “Why are you such a Debbie downer?” Tony was now very drunk and he was slurring lightly. “No reason really, it’s just my whole world being upside down.” He scoffs in your face. “You’r girlfriend broke up with you Boo fucking hooo. There are worse things that can happen to you.” The jab was direct and right on the money. “Fuck you too Tony. It’s not just that and you know it.” He shook his head. “I don’t you both refuse to talk about it, and you both think that you are the wronged party in the situation so I actually don't know.”

You sighed in relief when you saw Pepper walking towards the both of you. “And you won't find out today.” Him and made quick work of the exchange. You handed Tony off to Pepper and she gave you a grateful look before you left towards the door. You saw the last person you wanted to see in that very moment, Natasha’s car was pulling into her driveway. You would have closed the door and walked back into the house if you weren’t positive she’d made eye contact with you. You toughed it out and made the short walk to your house watching as Natasha not so subtly stole glances in your direction. You’d made it to your steps when you heard her call out. “Happy New year Y/n.” You wanted to cry, your eyes already burned and your throat felt tight. You nodded. “Happy New year…” Your voice came out clipped and you saw her face falter. You turned and made your way inside when you felt the burning in your eyes intensify. Was this what you were reduced to? Pleasantries that aren’t genuine. Before you could shut the door properly the door was stopped. 

When you turned to check what it was, it was a very familiar boot. “Can we not?” You asked, your voice sounding urged. “Why are you acting like this? I- Did I really mean that little?” Your anger burned. “I came back and you were gone!” You stated. “Did I mean anything to you then?” Your pain was raw and she could feel that. “You left Y/n, you left first, you left for her.” You nodded. “I did! And I would do it again Natasha. If you don’t know that about me by now then you don’t know me.” It was starting to dawn on Natasha that she might not be on the right side of this argument. But she's never been the one to back down so instead she doubled down. “I know that you were a love sick puppy following her around even if it hurt you.” You were yelling at each other by now. “She was family before she was anything else.” Your words were clear and concise, anger seeping through every syllable. “My friend, my brother died! And when I came back the one person I wanted to see was gone.” Natasha’s anger was now replaced by guilt. She was now trying to back track but she couldn’t. “And where were you?” You asked, looking right through her.  

Your voice cracked and your tears were hot on your cheeks. Her presence was burning your skin, her voice was making your head pound. You couldn’t hold it back anymore. “That’s right! You were letting someone else fuck you.” You cried even more tears reliving the memory. You’d rushed to Natasha's apartment, hoping to work things out hoping to just hear her voice even if she kicked you out, and slammed the door in your face. You knocked out of courtesy but when you didn’t get a response you’d use your key, she'd given them to you after all. The sight that greeted you was not pleasant. Clothes were thrown haphazardly around the apartment, the general destination being Natasha’s bedroom. The sounds coming from the room were all the confirmation you needed. “So you tell me, how much did I mean to you then?” Her words were gone. Her anger was gone. But you were just getting started. Or so she thought, 

“Leave…” You said through tears and the anger still bubbling in your chest. Natasha panicked and said the only thing that came to mind. “No.” It was not that she realized that your eyes were on the ground. “I can’t even look at you…” Your words were pained. 

Pietro had passed not long after you’d gotten to the hospital. Your main job was to hold Wanda's broken pieces together. She’d crumbled when the Doctors gave her the news. You saw a piece of her die that very moment. Your embrace was grounding her, you still remember how she clawed at your arms, the very ground she was standing on was taken out from under her and you were her only life line, keeping her from disappearing into the nothingness. You remember the shock that ran through her in waves. You remember her parents walking into the hospital barely holding themselves together for their daughter. Everything was really a blur after they got there. You remember being in a car next to Wanda who’s hand lived in your shaky grip. “I'm here…” You whispered when she moved to hold you. 

It was a mistake, something that Natasha shouldn't have let happen. It was a mistake, one that you’d never find out about. She cared for you not Maria, she loved you. But you were nowhere to be found. Your apartment remained untouched, and every night that passed since she has regretted her words. It was driving her crazy, not hearing from you. Her mind would race with thoughts, fueled by her own guilty conscience. What if this was it for you, what if this was what made you realize that your place wasn’t with her but with Wanda. What if this was the sign that you were waiting for. She did hear about Pietro’s passing from Yelena who seemed worried. “She’s here, Why aren’t you?” Yelena was good at reading situations, but this time she was utterly stumped. Natasha didn’t answer her question. It was a long two months that had passed by and still not a single word from you. She’d called and texted, she’d even emailed but nothing seemed to get through. Maybe you had thought better about it, maybe it was for the best. 

“Y/n/…” Her whisper was just about enough to get you crying again. “I came back to you.” Your words sounded cold. “You were supposed to be different.” You said. “And now I can't look at you without remembering the worst moments of my life. I can’t.” You sounded defeated. “You can’t feel that way forever…” Natasha whispered, trying to catch your eyes. You shook your head. “I won’t, but I am right now and I can't help it. Who was it, did I know them?” Your question left her stunned for another moment, her throat suddenly dry. “Maria…” She knew that wasn’t going to fair well but she figured being honest about it would make it easier to get it out of the way now. Because even now in this moment she knew this wasn’t going to be the end of it. You’d heard her name before and you had seen her on occasion when you’d attend Natasha’s games, you knew her. 

“Leave…” It came out harsher than you expected but it was the only thing you could do. But Natasha she just had to know, she needed to know. “Did… Did you and Wanda…” The words were quiet, too quiet. The look on your face said it all, she shouldn’t have asked. “Would it be easier for you if I had… It would, wouldn't it? It would make you feel so much better.” You shook your head. Finally managing to get her though the door you closed the door and this time she let you.

You cried that night, you cried a lot thinking about everything that happened and how you would deal with it. You couldn't, you didn’t know where to start. This was no longer about just you, it was about everything. You’d just lost Pietro, and Natasha too. And Wanda didn’t want you near her at least not anymore. You could still hear her words echo through you. “You need to leave.” She’d said it a couple of days after Pietro's funeral. You’d spent the two weeks leading up to it practically glued to her side. “Excuse me…” You were making her some tea. She hadn’t been up to the task of sleeping, so you were making tea. “I think it’s time that you go.” She said again looking at her hands. When her eyes met yours she could see the surprise in them. “It’s no problem Wanda. I squared everything away with my professors, they understand.”  She cut you off again when you tried to explain further. “No, Y/n it’s time for you to go.” This time her words were harsher. 

That’s when it clicked… She didn’t want you there anymore. She didn’t need you there anymore. You nodded. “I’m always a phone call away…” You said quietly. When you started making your way around the counter her hand reached out to yours. Her eyes were watering. “Leave tomorrow…” You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded. She’d hugged you so tightly that night, but you didn’t mention it. As awful as it sounded, you wanted your last moments together to be just that. Neither of you slept that night, when the sun began to shine through her blinds her hold on you loosened. The exchange was quiet, it was now you that was gripping her close to you. “It’s time.” She whispered. You nodded, holding her a moment longer. “Goodbye Wands.” You’d let her go then. The nickname caught her off guard. By the time she came back you were already walking out and closing her bedroom door. 

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[angie-long-legs]

25. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done to someone?

Spill the Tea ☕️

"Uh, killed 'em? Don't get much worse than that!"

In the gritty foundations of his soul, Angel knew this wasn't the right answer. That there was one thing that he would truly never forgive himself for, no matter how long he waited in his eternal punishment to feel the burden of it lift. Of course, Hell wasn't a place where your sins were to be forgotten - more so a place where your sins thrived, and your shameful mistakes weighed heavy on you, unrelenting, for the rest of all time.

"I mean... I guess I did some more... personal shit than just whackin' mobsters.

"I... hurt a friend a' mine. A good friend. Best friend I eva' had, actually. Knew eachotha' since before we could walk or talk or anythin' - she was the neighbours kid, and on our street, everybody knew everybody.

"We grew up togetha', always togetha'. She was... sweet. Quiet, but real goofy once ya got ta know her. Too nice fa her own good. Her mom and dad were neva' around, so when my dad was bein' an asshole I'd camp out at hers, waitin' out the storm, ya know? Or when her parents skipped town fa more than a few nights, she'd come ta mine and my mom would cook a big family dinner so she'd have somethin' ta eat.

"Everyone thought we'd wind up togetha'. My dad was always sayin', "Anthony, yer gonna marry that girl one day!". Told me I was a lucky guy ta have it all come so easily ta me.

"But, uh... gettin' olda', realisin' I was different... I was scared. 'Specially when I started foolin' around with guys, sneakin' out an' gettin' high with fellas way too old fa me. By the time I was eighteen an' had neva' went steady with a girl, my dad was... y'know. Makin' comments, sayin' he ain't havin' a fa.g unda' his roof, threatenin' ta kick me out... I was terrified a' gettin' found out. And... I ain't proud a' how I handled it.

"This girl, my best friend... well, she was inta me - everyone knew it. I, uh, tried ta ignore it, fa the most part. Acted like it wasn't happenin', like I didn't know. Then, one day, I'd had this crazy fight with my dad, I went ta go see her, and... she told me she loved me. And... I dunno, I was a mess, and- and I told her I loved her too. And I did, just... not in the way she wanted. I thought- I thought maybe I would if I just... tried to. Also, I wanted my dad off my back - and he was, like a fuckin' shot. Neva' seen him more proud a' me than when I told him we were goin' together, and I did a lot a' fucked up shit fa that man.

"Think we made it about three or four months before it all went tits up - not that it wasn't doomed from the get-go. I was... fuck, I was shitty. Never wanted ta be around her afta' we started seein' eachother, I felt... pissed every time she tried ta be romantic or whateva'. Like I'd lost a fuckin' friend. And I was still messin' around with guys, tellin' myself I'd quit it and be a good partner or some other bullshit that'd neva' happen. Worst part was she was fuckin' good ta me, the whole time, she was tryin' ta get me ta open up, but... I mean, what was I supposed tell her? That I was a closet queer, a junkie? Even the shit with my family, I dunno how much she actually knew... I couldn't tell her nothin' real.

"Eventually, I got caught out. I'll spare ya the details, but it wasn't pretty. She left and... I never saw her again. Never knew where she went, what happened ta her. But she ain't down here far as I can tell, so I like ta think she made somethin' of herself. Lived a good life. She was smart - a good kid like her, ain't no doubt in my mind she landed on her feet.

"But... yeah, I broke her fuckin' heart. I was selfish, I took advantage of her feelins fa me. I lost the only friend I ever trusted, and if I could change one thing I did up top, ain't no contest. I'd pick that every goddamn time."

[sleepingdeath-light]

death valley ; 18+

requested by ; anonymous (kinktober entry)

word count ; 1493

content ; sexually explicit content, fuck or die trope, cream pie/unprotected sex, vaginal sex, dubious consent

fandom ; cookie run

pairing ; peperoncino cookie x non binary afab reader

read also on ; ao3

minors and ageless blogs will be blocked

It had been a stupid fucking idea from the beginning — and while you couldn't even remember whose idea it was to jump down the spider-web filled, dusty shaft into this ancient cube prison, you knew you'd slap them (and if it was you, you'd slap yourself twice). Though no matter who suggested it the outcome was still the same; you were trapped in some sort of ancient ritual room with no way out except for some sort of door that was impossible to move or break through.

You knew that because Peperoncino had spent the better part of 20 minutes using his hefty sword to try and brute force his way out whilst you looked at the carvings and mosaics that dotted the other three walls of the chamber. And, when his method had turned up fruitless, he'd joined you — commenting on the individual images with all the bluntness you'd come to expect of him (even if his phrasing had left you speechless and with burning cheeks at a few points).

The images themselves were interesting; hundreds of depictions of what seemed to be fertility rituals interspersed with depictions of various sex acts (all named rather matter-of-factly by your companion), and at the centre of the far back wall a depiction of two figures having sex on the stone altar in the room's centre (the same one that had broken your fall and gained a prominent crack down its centre after taking both of your weights in such a sudden way). The architectural style was old, as one might expect, but the intent was still clear and you were about to make a joke about the potential use of the room you were in before the walls around you shifted and the words died on your tongue.

It wasn't a ritual. It was the way out — and if you couldn't find a way to climb back up the shaft you fell down or to break through one of the walls, then you were going to have to participate in it.

Fuck. You really hoped that Peperoncino's sword was strong enough to do the job.

—————

But none of that mattered now because, after spending far more time than you should have brainstorming alternate solutions, the air was too thin and the walls too close to entertain any more theories. Now you were left only with the very same option you'd been trying to circumvent by any means possible. Now you would be forced to have sex on that stupid stone altar in the centre of this underground chamber just to ensure your own survival.

Though, for as uncomfortable as you'd both initially been, it wasn't entirely unpleasant. Yes, his dick had been much bigger than you'd expected and, yes, it had hurt when he'd first pushed into you (even after he took some time to stretch you out with those thick fingers of his), but you'd managed. Yes, the stone carvings on-top of the altar were incredibly sharp and uncomfortable, digging into your back as you laid yourself down over them, but after a while the pain had subsided and you'd pushed through to the other side. Yes, it was a bit awkward to be fucked stupid on your adventuring partner’s cock, but you'd be damned if it didn't feel incredible.

Peperoncino, despite his initial protests, made every effort to keep you as comfortable as possible: using one hand to stabilise himself against the altar whilst he used the other to play with your clit (rubbing, flicking, stimulating) and make you as wet as possible to both minimise your pain as he stretched you out on his painfully large dick, and make sure that you were both able to actually somewhat enjoy what was happening; muttering apologies under his breath and adjusting his angle and pace every time you'd gasp or wince or cry out in pain or discomfort; taking note of everything you enjoyed to repeat them over and over again — whether that was thrusting at the right angle to hit that spot every time or rubbing your clit in that specific way or anything else along those lines. Considerate and skilful — and, based on how much you could feel him throbbing and how tightly he was tensing his jaw, he seemed to be enjoying this just as much as you.

Giving in to his own needs every so often, but not enough to disregard your pleasure completely. Every few thrusts pulling out to the brink before slamming his hips forwards to have you take him from tip to base in a single fluid movement. Occasionally picking up the pace for a brief few seconds, being rougher with you just to watch your body bounce and your mouth fall open to let out a string of cusses and moans and cries and sobs in the shape of his name. Doing whatever he could to get you both off as quickly as possible, working you both up to climax with rough, warm hands and a thick cock that made you see stars whilst you tried your best to keep pace with him.

—————

The air, thick and heavy with the smell of sex, was continuing to grow thinner and thinner with every passing moment, but neither of you could stop — barely even noticing through the sounds of your fucking and the fogginess of your minds as you approached your climaxes. Those same lewd sounds, that wet slapping of skin against skin and all of those groans and moans and grunts, also completely obscured the scraping of ancient rock against aged stone as the walls slowly inched closer together, closing in on you as you remained oblivious and preoccupied with sex. The room was too heavy, your minds too far gone, for the severity of your reality to even pierce through the veil of need that had overtaken you both, no matter how keenly aware of it you’d been mere minutes before.

Nothing in this world nor any other could break your trance as he continued to roughly pound into your soaking wet hole and you clumsily, instinctually, bucked your hips back against him. Not even the inevitable tensing of your muscles and heating of your skin as you were pushed closer and closer to the edge.

Hell, in that moment nothing beyond the sound of his voice and feeling of his hands and his cock on and inside of you even existed to you anymore as you hastily mounted that peak.

Until finally, fucking finally, you were sent crashing over the edge of climax and were able to breathe again: your eyes screwing shut and your vision became a mixture of black smears and white lights, both equally as intrusive, disorienting, and stubborn as each other; your legs trembling and quaking and you wrap them helplessly around Peperoncino's waist (or as best as you could given how muscular and large he was at his centre), tugging his hips forwards until his cock is buried to the hilt inside of you and his thrusts are so shallow that they cease to be rough at all; your heart pounding so loudly that you could barely hear yourself think, had you had any coherent thoughts at all beyond 'please' and 'more' and a burning desire to cry out for him until your throat gave in; your lungs ached and screamed for air, though still you couldn't help yourself but to keep on being vocal — repeating barely intelligible phrases interspersed with the vaguest syllables of his name like a sort of prayer.

The overstimulation and roughness had you squirting messily all over the worn leather of his pants, thoroughly soaking his cock, your thighs, and the thick reddish curls at the base of his shaft in the process. But you were too far gone to care about that, or about anything beyond how fucking good everything felt as you rode out your high. It was too fucking much and yet exactly what you needed it to be at the same time.

Then, through that haze of orgasmic bliss, you felt his hips stutter to a complete stop a few moments later, slick-soaked cock stretching you to the brim as he came and filled you completely with his own release (filling you so much that you could feel it leaking out of your spent pussy and down your ass and thighs even as the two of you fell completely still). Though those small movements, each so terribly minor and brief, felt like shocks of electricity through your overworked nerves, every one making you tremble and whimper and shudder. Overstimulation leaving you breathless, thoughtless, and dumb — unable to process anything beyond the girth of his cock and the heat of his broad chest and sweaty forehead as he leaned forwards and pressed his body down against yours. Barely even able to recognise that he was speaking as the words left his lips.

'Maybe... maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought,'

[golbrocklovely]

Tbh on this whole Sam and Katelyn situation, i have no real opinion, cause obviously some bigger things must have happened behind the scenes, cause i doubt that Sam reacted this way just like this. I mean he wasn’t acting this way with Katrina and Colby didn’t unfollow her either. It’s a shame it was taken to social media and that Sam at least didn’t add to his message smth like “we are broken up, but please do not hate” yk, but tbh guilty is on both side. Katelyn was the one who kinda stirred into the pot which was a dumb move from her, because if she knows that Snc have bigger fandom made mostly of young girls who are basically in love with them, she should be more protective of herself and if she wanted to be petty, she could do it privately. Sam response was meh.. could be smth more mature for sure, but i could bet that something just happened behind the scenes, because even Colby unfollowed her, which is like weird to me, considering once again that Colby still follows Katrina who made a a song about Sam after their breakup (which is so good btw)

I am no hater of Katelyn or any of the girls around boys (i am here for ghosts and demons, not delusion) and didn’t send her any, don’t worry. I just say that i think people should stop taking any sides and be angry at people when they do not know the full story. Something must have happened bts that made both snc angry and it’s not our business to know, so i think it’s better to just move on and focus on the upcoming videos (especially am excited for the one with triplets )

i mean, i agree with you that there's definitely more that happened bts that we don't know about. every relationship is more than what it appears to be. only katelyn and sam know the real story on what happened.

the thing is, it's hard to compare relationships bc kat and sam one, ended on good terms (all things considered) and two, were together for almost a decade. so bc of that, there is a level of respect there, a level of friendship that was there, that katelyn and sam didn't quite have. and colby clearly unfollowed katelyn bc of her posting the pic, since it was so out of left field given that her and sam had been broken up for a couple weeks (by my guess).

like i mentioned in my other asks on this, what katelyn did was dumb. while i found it funny in the moment, i never thought it was the smartest thing for her to do. it was petty and childish and odd. i've never denied that once. that being said, she was always gonna be the loser in this scenario. not only did she lose the guy, but on top of that has been hated since the minute she came into the fandom, well before she did things that ppl claim are the "real reason" they don't like her (whatever that case may be). not only that, she doesn't have any true supporters. she gained an audience of both lovers and haters bc of sam. and while sam had every right to post his comment, or to post that story explaining he was single, there does come a certain point where in my opinion, he took it too far.

once he liked a post claiming katelyn was not a good person, she doesn't deserve all he did for her, she took advantage of him, she's a bad influence (which let's be honest is fucking rich coming from snc lol) AFTER liking a post that was nicer to both of them a couple hours earlier… that's where i think he did more harm than good. bc his fans saw that shit and literally all agreed that this was him giving the green light to hate on her more than they had been. and again, katelyn was never gonna win. i mean for fuck's sake, she was getting hated on before she ever posted the photo. and she wasn't even dating him anymore. and sam was only getting hated on this past year because he was dating her.

was it dumb for her to post the pic? yeah. but it was also dumb for sam to like a post basically saying "yeah go ahead and hate her, she's the worst". he has MILLIONS of fans. the only fans she has are ppl who are fans of him. who do you think ppl sided with?

and that's not to say that she's a good person in all of this. she probably did things she shouldn't have in the relationship. and vice versa, if we're honest. but she couldn't have done anything that bad considering the fact that colby was still following her up until she posted this.

like i've mentioned before, pettiness comes out of hurt. and clearly both of them are hurting, so i do feel for them there. but if i'm honest, i just expected sam to remain quiet on this, like he does with literally everything else. the comment made sense, the story was fine, everything afterwards felt like jabs to knock her down a peg.

and sure, she's posted clips that have been filmed by him and unarchived shit that was about him. big whoop. she still lost. i'm not on either of their sides, but i feel for katelyn a little more than sam.

[shipwrrck]

To me Ashley reads more like someone who had made somewhat peace with her unrequited feelings after having had been desperately yearning for a guy who constantly shuts her down for more than a decade. As long as she can stay with Andrew, even if he doesn't love her back, even if he hates her, she doesn't care.

She is brash and confident, she knows who she is as a person and doesn't care about anyone else or what others might think of her to the point that even basic human decency or the concept of morality mean very little to her (unlike her brother who tries to fit in and be normal, act normal), but when it comes to Andrew she constantly falters and lets her doubts and anxieties slip through. She is too insecure to really believe (until chapter 2, burial route) that Andrew would ever love her, because, as she had insisted multiple times (for example Nina's death), she believes that he wouldn't ever choose her and if she hadn't managed to successfully trap him, he too would have left her already, just like everyone else. Deep down, under her nonchalant facade, it seems like she had already accepted that Andrew doesn't love her and would never be able to love her, even if she despises the fact.

And can you even blame her? I mean you can, she is a fucked up person as a whole, but the whole world is crazy in one way or another, she has some real fancy untreated problems and the only guy who matters in her life, who is both her brother, her caretaker, her only friend and her romantic interest all in one, is also an asshole who can not make up his mind for shit and there is only so many times one can be rejected before they take it to the heart to some extent.

Andrew is a pussy, there is no going around that, he wants her just as bad as she wants him but he is too scared to admit it. I think the main reason he even dares to be so abrasive to her is only because he has full confidence in the fact that Ashley will always stay with him, no matter how hard he pushes her away (and he is right, even after 2 murder attempts Ashley will still go "omg relationship goals <3").

So the two of them are locked in this volatile, vacillating but relatively safe game of tug of war that neither of them is willing to let go of, but the minute they ease their grip (burial route, Ashley starts trusting Andrew, Andrew is more honest with her) their relationship starts to get more gentle and loving, which Ashley has a hard time dealing with. She gets the one thing she had ever wanted, Andrew's undivided love and yet the minute she gets it she folds? She looks so lost and unable to deal with this new development their relationship took and nor can she stop herself from questioning this newfound fondness Andrew shows her so openly. Your honor, my client is showing clear signs of insecurity here, which the vision does little to ease btw, because had grown far too accustomed to the hopelessness to see it for what it is, or to put it another way, she is dumb as Fuck. Just look at how even after AAAALLLLL that she still makes a comment about how it had shown her a new way to keep him around, because she is still thinking about having to "keep him around". There is Literally no need for that GIRL SNAP OUT OF IT 😭😭

What I'm getting at is that Ashley is too down bad to realize that Andrew would ever reciprocate her feelings, so the idea of their relationship turning sexual (without romantic feelings) doesn't really excite her and I don't blame her. Allo, demi, ace, doesn't matter in the overall picture here, most people wouldn't want to have sex with someone they are Crazy in love with, when the other party doesn't even love them back and they just want to use their body for sex. Most self-respecting adults (who don't have a kink for that) would turn that shit down, but Ashley isn't like most self-respecting adults, in fact she isn't self-respecting at all, no matter how unfullfilling and maybe even self-destructive it would be for her, she would willingly do anything to make him stay. Because she is an idiot who managed to miss the whole point like she was dodging bullets. Atleast, that is my interpretation.

Ashley Graves is asexual to me, or at least not conventionally allo/het. All the fan fics/comics where she is depicted as explicitly and hopelessly horny for Andrew feel out of character to me. Like that isn’t how Ashley talks about sex in the actual game. She doesn’t express sexual attraction, not even towards Andrew, despite her being otherwise deeply in love, dependent on and obsessed with him and not afraid to show it.

Ashley jokes about sex for sure, but finding sex funny and having sexual attraction are two different things. And like Ashley’s attitude to sex tends to be transactional, as when she thinks of having sex it’s not for its own sake, but as a way to get something. Having sex with the neighbor and getting pregnant to escape quarantine, or doing sex work.

Ashley’s joking attitude to sex and lack of expressed sexual attraction mirrors Andrew in a way. He is obviously extremely horny for her but has severely repressed it, and he is rather humorless about Ashley’s sex jokes, because the subject of sex is a sore spot because of that repression. Andrew only laughs at her blowjob joke in the incest vision because he is finally letting go of that repression and can see the humor.

Now, Ashley being asexual and not into Andrew in that way doesn’t mean coffincest isn’t real. She has good reasons to fuck Andrew that isn’t sexual attraction. Andrew might break if she doesn’t. The decay route shows Andrew might go insane and kill Ashley and then himself as the only way to resolve the contradiction between who he is, an incestous murderer-cannibal and his desire to be normal. And even on the “sane” non-incestous burial route, the sibling’s relationship is noticeably colder than on the “questionable” incest route. That’s because Andrew is holding back his affection for Ashley because of his repression of his incestuous desires.

And above all Ashley wants Andrew to drop the act of being aloof from her and finally admit his love for her. Part of coffincest for my brain is that it is Ashley being transactional about sex again, but what she gets out of it here is very much everything she wants. An Andrew who can freely and fully admit to his feelings for her, who doesn’t repress or uses other women for sex as substitutes for the woman he actually desires. And well, there are many asexuals who don’t experience sexual attraction but enjoy the act of sex, maybe Ashley is one of them.

(Of course I am open to another explanation for why Ashley is the way she is about sex: she is a repressed lesbian who can’t fully express her feelings until her sister’s egg cracks, but that’s probably a whole other post)