#fuck you ‘darkling’ lil BITCH

[what-even-is-sleep]

FUCK. THAT. SHIT. FUCK THAT SHIT

[thewingedwolf]

i am rewatching shadow & bone bc, once again, i am a parody of myself, and i really am so fond of Mal in the show, i am deeply nervous about how he’ll be written in s2 lol. not as nervous about almost everyone else - i say ALMOST bc i was not impressed with the way Jesper & Nina weren’t shown to be bisexual, like, at all, & while i think it was just clumsy writing & not malice (the same as the clumsy way they wrote Alina’s race), that doesn’t mean it’ll get better lol. also pls understand i spend half my time shitting on the darklng, ben barnes does an excellent job reminding me why i hate that bitch okayyyy

Mal already knows that Alina’s tent with the other cartographers was moved, and knows where it moved. We first see him fighting but seems like he got there, immediately attempted to find Alina, figured out she had been moved and was wandering around, then said fuck it she’ll find me or i’ll find out she got thrown in lock up again, and decided to go beat someone up so he could show off his kruge in front of her lmao

Alina is interested in the grisha. she’s smiling and curious, clearly thinks Zoya looks cool af (she’s right, Zoya is cool af). Mal spends the entire time frowning at them lol. Could be bc a grisha just crashed his party, could be mal’s general dislike of grisha and the upper class. it’s very funny either way that he just Refuses to smile until Alina distracts him

Alina experiencing A Racism but still thinking quick enough so her team can eat makes me emo but also Mal immediately being like “time to commit some crimes” every single time someone is racist to Alina is so great, get u a real man like Mal

Racism is done very messily in the show and i’m hoping it improves bc like - Zoya is insulated from most racism due to her status, but we still get that comment about “YOU from Novokribirsk?” comment from another Grisha, which seemed like a pretty obvious slight at her being Suli. Alina experiences racism everywhere she goes from nearly everyone she meets - random cooks, cartographers, servants, Zoya, and the Darkling himself. Even Genya sort of brushes off the comment about her eyes as like, typical bullying and not something very different & much more insidious. Mal looks uncomfortable at the anti Shu Han propaganda & I think that’s it? Which feels weird bc he doesn’t have the class protection Zoya has, but maybe he doesn’t *look Suli* culturally the way Zoya and Inej clearly do. Or are Mal AND Alina both supposed to be Shu Han? We know from Inej and Nina (and maybe Zoya, idk, i never read king of scars bc i would have to acknowledge Matthias & David’s deaths and I refuse) that the Suli are still mistreated on a legal level in addition to social, but are maybe treated marginally better than the Shu that live in Ravka, bc Ravka is in an active war against Shu Han. Is that the difference in what Mal experienced vs what Alina does? lol or i’m overthinking something that clearly wasn’t thought out very well before they put it in the show. I just like. Do Not think Mal is meant to be a white Ravkan, firstly bc Archie isn’t a white brit, and secondly because - look at him aksjdjd that is not a man that can really pass for white. I hope they handle Alina’s background better, especially since she’ll be interacting with other Shu characters, in s2 but i also want an explanation for Mal’s background!!!

I do think it’s funny that the sickness grisha get if they don’t use their powers is very informed in the show. Mal makes a few comments about Alina being sick all the time but she doesn’t actually look or act sick at any point in the show aksksk

Mal is so strong, like the dude is fuckin ripped, a fucking volcra tries to rip Alina away and he’s just like “yeah i can take this bitch with one hand” aksjsj

I feel bad for that lil blond boy that clearly has a thing for Alina lmao he really tries to stick up for her and she does not even notice a little bit and then he dies bc West Ravka is like “anyways don’t get captured even tho we’re at war with half the world and you have no resources, crew, or family over here” ya, they’re way better than Old Ravka smh (Zlatan is just as big of a bitch as the king and darklng dammit)

Interesting that Zoya only gets shitty with Alina after both the Darklng & Mal clearly choose her over Zoya. Mal she probably doesn’t gaf about, but it definitely stung her pride that she can’t even pull an orphan from Keramzin but Alina can. Before that tho, even if she’s thrown by Alina, she clearly sees Alina as One Of Us. She even looks visibly annoyed when everyone starts laughing at Alina and her “i’m a mapmaker” response & seems to pick up on the implied racism of the “what are you” question. It’s an annoying response that after being rejected, Zoya uses that racism against Alina to put her in her place but like…I guess it’s not wildly ooc? bleh.

Ivan and Fedyor purposefully ignoring the Shu Of It All when talking about power and privilege is 100% why Alina takes so long to trust the grisha, and so easily turns against the Darklng imo. For all they understand the danger of being Grisha, for all Ivan wants to lecture Alina about her privilege at dinner, none of them even bother to understand what it’s like now, right now, for the poor of Ravka. You serve in the army & let the Darklng indoctrinate you with his nonsense, or you flee like the mother in the first episode does, taking your chances with the slavers & the volcra & the Fjerdans. There are no good choices for the grisha, no good choices for the non grisha peasantry, and Alina’s entire existence, from the never ending racism she experiences, to the death and starvation she’s surrounded by, is a constant reminder how few choices that exist no matter if you’re grisha or not.

So like, most of the bad guys have Weird Foreign Accents and I dislike it. All the Ravkans should have Russian accents but it’s only Fedyor & a few mean servants that do. The Fjerdans all have accents. Pekka has an accent. Everyone else is just a brit, including people in Kerch, even tho they don’t even speak the same language as the Ravkans do, they speak Kerch! Why does Kaz not have some country bumpkin accent dammit

“When our closest friend is in trouble, we do foolish things.” Smash cut to Kaz doing the Dumbest shit in an attempt to protect Inej from Heleen l m a o it’s not one whipped bitch in this show it’s two (it’s three actually, Matthias just hasn’t shown up yet lmao)

When Mal & Alina are both envisioning each other & reach out to hold the others’ hand, hundreds of miles away but desperate for comfort, THAT was the moment i fell for them. Archie & Jessie are just so Powerful okay aksjdjd

feels more obvious in retrospect that he’s not trying to train her to do anything but answer to him. he doesn’t even bother preparing her for the king bc he knows he can amplify her powers, so long as she’s not fighting him.

I do not buy Baghra’s insistence that Alina’s feelings for Mal hold her back. She’s able to summon her powers when she’s angry, and Baghra takes that short cut by continuously pissing Alina off. But Alina also uses her powers whenever she thinks of protecting Mal; she protects him on the skiff & when she remembers trying to run away with him for protection, she can summon a bit of her power. It’s Alina’s compassion that gives her abilities, but Baghra has spent so much time nurturing her own bitterness, watching her son nurture his anger, it just never occurs to her that Alina’s strength comes from her desire to protect the people she loves. Alina goes from wanting solely to protect Mal to channeling her power through her anger and rejection & Baghra treats it like a win but it’s just another shortcut that clearly makes her more susceptible to the Darklng whispering in her ear, not less, and if Baghra had any goddamn sense, she would have seen that she was making her son’s job easier. But like, the darklng didn’t just come out of nowhere lmao, and you can clearly see where he gets his defeatist, manipulative, and bleak ass outlook on life from.

As a certified Matthias stan still refusing to acknowledge the end of crooked kingdom, i think it is genuinely so funny that Mal gets chest wound after gut wound after chest wound in s1 and shrugs it off, but Matthias gets shot one (1) time and dies immediately & cannot be saved by the most powerful heartrender that ever lived. leigh PLS

“you are my true north and i can see my way to you now” IM JUST.

Genya has to hurt Alina’s feelings by lying about Mal, then immediately and smoothly changes the subject to something that will make Alina laugh. She knows she has to betray Alina and she tries her hardest to soften the blow, encourages Alina to return to the blue kefta instead of going too hard towards the Darkling so she has the protection of a color and a people, warns her as best as she can to be wary of the Darklng, even while she’s helping isolate Alina from anyone who could help her escape. i’m so depressed about Genya.

Enter David and Genya loses her damn mind ansjsjdjdjd Alina is doing miracle sun summoning and Genya just watches David the whole time, who probably cannot fucking believe his luck that his weird ass boss for ONCE is letting him hang out with the meanest, coolest, smartest person in the palace instead of Ivan & Fedyor, who spend all their time flirting with each other and bullying him

Fjerda is lichrally trying to commit genocide against the grisha & Shu Han does…some jacked up shit to their grisha lol, and i did a whole post about how the Darklng is just more of the same, but so is Baghra. All their talk of looking out for Grisha, but they both treat the peasantry of Ravka as disposable. Nikolai is theeeee only valid ruler specifically bc he does think of the cost to the peasantry & to the grisha before he makes decisions (something his father and his brother also don’t do lol). And both Baghra & Aleksander allow this “us vs them” bs to permeate through their own people - no grisha healers help the first army, and Ivan reads the dead but glosses over the Otkazat'sya deaths to focus on the grisha. but this is on purpose - if you make the grisha other the Otkazat'sya, you can easily turn them against one another. neither baghra nor aleksander ever work towards like, actual freedom for the grisha by building bridges and relationships between the grisha and the Otkazat'sya, they just turn the grisha into weird, insular child soldiers.

Alina realizing she can just swing on the racists now love that for her

Mal tends to deal with his feelings for Alina bubbling to the surface by purposefully breaking the tension; closing his eyes & going to sleep when they’re thrown in the brig, cracking a joke about going to Ketterdam when he steals her food. But their convo in the woods after they’re reunited is the first time he doesn’t try it - you can almost see he wants to, when she says she cheated on the grisha test bc she didn’t want to leave him, his whole brain short circuits at what it could mean, and it’s a moment where he might have purposefully broken the tension but instead he takes a minute to think before he tries to open up abiut his own feelings - only to get derailed & heartbroken by the realization that the stag drawing wasn’t Alina trying to communicate with him, but Aleksander manipulating & isolating her. But he still doesn’t break the tension - he lets Alina hold him, and he holds her in return, & stops running from his feelings for real this time.

I do find it so funny how Aleksander sees David raising his hand to speak, initially starts to tell him to knock it off, and then realizes David will not understand why Ivan and him find it annoying & just decides to choose his battles aksjjdjd.

Also, him going through the five stages of grief when he realizes Mal & Alina are together, and overdramtigcally monologuing about the orphans of Keramzin being reunited to this random dude who has no idea wtf he’s talking about. Perfect, no notes.

Episode 7 is just very well written. All the conversations are tense, all the action is painful, all the acting is amazing. From David half in tears as he helps enslave Alina, all the anger going out of Alina when she realizes the king was raping Genya, Genya’s guilt & shame over her own hand in betraying Alina stopping her from talking even though she’s usually so composed, Mal’s helpless snarl when he says Aleksander will wish he’d killed him, even Aleksander’s inability to look Alina in the eyes because he knows she’s right to hate him it’s just that he thinks she’s a justifiable sacrifice. Meanwhile the Crows are being the most chaotic idiots ALIVE akskdkdk just perfect, excellent writing.

What i think is interesting is that Alina makes the hypocrisy argument to Genya, and it works. Genya appeals to Alina’s compassion when she admits the king has been raping her, but Alina pieces together that Aleksander placed her in front of the king to begin with. Not a soldier, just a pawn. And Genya is so struck by this argument she has no counter; she just leaves in tears. Alina tries this with Aleksander as well, to get him to see the hypocrisy in his actions - of killing the king because the king is a monster, yet using the fold as a weapon. It has the complete opposite effect because whereas Genya is aware on some level that she’s being used, Aleksander is so far removed from his own experiences as a pawn, as a target, he can’t see her point.

“all countries will answer to us. for who would oppose us now?”

means Something to me that Immediately after that nasty comment from that heartrender, Zoya sees another Suli girl (who, if we remember, someone she is friends with just called Suli trash before getting got by said Suli girl) who is about to be killed, witnesses the destruction of her home and what she will find is the death of the only person who ever loved her as a child, and makes the decision to betray the only stability she’s ever known for the glimmer of hope that Alina can offer her.

It’s also exactly what I mean when I say I hope we get an explanation for Mal’s background. In Inej’s chapters we get the sense that the Suli are a people that draw close together, even outside Ravka. Her curse on Bajan clearly hits him hard; even clearly trying to assimilate into Kerch culture, the thought that his Suli ancestors may forsake him for harming a fellow Suli really gets under his skin. So in the show, what I love is we get a small exploration of this bond that exists between all Suli as outsiders in their home countries - Zoya and Inej instinctively working together, Recognizing that bond in each other, with Inej even attempting to stop Zoya from going back to the ruins of the city, of wanting Zoya to stay with them. And Zoya, despite her pained history with her own people, despite her comments about Alina being [redacted], clearly returns those feelings. She’s so much warmer with Inej, and vice verse, then say, Jesper is with Mal (he’s not cold to Mal, he’s just Typical Jesper). The thing is - maybe you could argue Zoya and Mal kind of take a small interest in each other because they recognize the other is Suli, but Inej and Mal don’t really have that connection in the time they know each other, and Zoya and Mal are much more cordial with each other than Zoya and Inej are. OBVIOUSLY there are other factors at play. But. Whereas we get a hint of Zoya’s own complicated past, and Inej is defined by her ties to her culture, Mal doesn’t really show any of this beyond one single uncomfortable look at a Shu Han propaganda poster, and that’s likely more to do with Alina than his own background. I JUST THINK ITS WEIRD AND CLUMSY OKAY.

idek what to say about Alina’s amazing speech besides HELL YEAH THATS MY WIFE. she’s so fucking cool.

Ivan’s lil bitch ass being like “know your place” RIGHT AFTER Alina gives her “you asked WHAT I am” speech and then Jesper being like “i think the fuck not” and tossing him overboard. absolutely perfect i love that man.

Zoya looks so uncomfortable during the whole conversation by the fire. For the first time, she’s the outsider - the lone splash of color against the browns and blacks of the crows and malina. But when Zoya says she has to go back, Inej shoots up to stop her, and even Kaz attempts to dissuade her from what he thinks is no better than a suicide run. Since her childhood, Zoya has seemed alone, but just as her aunt stepped in to save her then, and the crows attempt to console her now, Zoya is never as alone as she feels.

And neither is Alina! Knowing where their stories end up going, i think it is interesting that both Zoya and Alina are very adaptable and very adept at making very loyal friends. Despite all the odds against them, with them being Suli and Shu, with Zoya being a huge bitch (which I love) and Alina constantly struggling with her own self worth, other people see just how amazing the two of them are and are willing to fight for them, with them, to be near them. Sankta Alina and the Grisha Queen. Wonderful.

[thewuzzy]

god the darkling is such a pathetic lil bitch this season. mal says "you will die alone" and he's on the brink of tears?? the fuck

[incorrectquotesconaisseur]

MY THOUGHTS DURING SHADOW AND BONE EPISODE 1:

• WOWWW okay, I really love the logo and all

• I WANT JESSIE MEI LI'S DULCET TONES TO NARRATE MY LIFE

• So... I hardcore ship Malina now, huh

• I am saying it now... will say it again later for sure, but I ABSOLUTELY ADORE the music score IT'S GENIUS

• FIRST LOOK AT ZOYA MY QUEEN

• AAAAAAAA KETTERDAM

• OMG JESPERRR

• KAAAAAAAAZZZZ

• Oh shit!! the DeKappel - I absolutely adore this already

• Inej is iconic in her first 0.5 seconds of screen time- QUEEN SHIT

• This just deepens my love for Inej's badassery

• AHA HE SAID IT - HE SAID INVESTMENT ("invest", not quite "investment" but whatever)

• It's kinda weird they make Kaz sound like a jerk with the whole only-getting-Inej-out-cause-of-her-skills...

but okay

• SHE ISN'T LIKE YOU NO ONE IS

staahp, my heart

• Am I in love with Freddy's eyes (even if they aren't dark brown)? YEAH DAMN RIGHT I AM

• Not really buying Zoya and Mal - but THAT is prime book material so... AND I like that he thought of Alina first and foremost AGAIN I really ship Malina LIKE WHAT???? ARCHIE I LOVE YOU????

• Jesper is honestly so pretty it physically hurts

• I fucking??? LOVE??? Dubrov and Mikhael????

• Aww.... poor Alexei has a crush on Alina... I feel sorry for him, he seemed like a genuinely nice guy

• ALINA BURNT THE MAPS TO ENSURE SHE'LL GET ON THE SKIFF??? Guurl...

• GODDAMN MALINA ARE SO CUTE "I could shoot you in the foot" "I quite like my feet, thank you"

• I am in love with the design of the Ravkan flag

• HER SCARF???? BLEW IN THE WIND???? AND THE DARKLING WAS THERE??? ALL DARK AND WITH THE CAPE AND BROODING???? S Y M B O L I S M

• Mal mouthing "get down" to Alina on the skiff?? GOSH I SHIP THEM SO HARD

• Well... Alexei fricking made it

• HOLY SHIT PEKKA FUCKING KILLED THAT GUY????

• KAZ'S LIL' SMIRK AFTER HE GOT THE HEARTRENDER FIRST???? iconic

• I am a hoe for all Jesper and Kaz interactions

• I will never get tired seeing Kaz intimidate men twice his age

• THE HEARTRENDER GIRL IS SUCH A SWEETHEART I love her, she's so cute and innocent with her "I have to be back in an hour"

• Inej giving water to poor Alexei while sending death glares to that merchant? QUEEN SHIT

• OMG I ADORE THE CROWS' REACTION TO THE SUN SUMMONER??? Inej is all transfigured and looking up in prayer, Jesper almost wants to crack a joke and Kaz is his eternal cynical self- I love it

• FUCKING HELL HE KILLED ALEXEI that fucking bitch

[alrightbookreviews]

Shadow and Bone

by Leigh Bardugo

book: 7/10

show: 9/10

Alright so i’m assuming most of y’all have heard of this book after the Netflix series came out like a week ago and are like “damn i shoulda read the book” or maybe not. but if not then idk why ur even on my blog but whatever. i read this book like a month or two ago before i even knew about the show so it was a strange coincidence for me but i was excited for the show bc the book was pretty decent. so i sat down to watch the show w pretty low expectations bc the movies are never better than the books (duh) but i ended up liking the show WAY more than the book and here’s why.

So basically, the plot of the book is this chick named alina who draws maps i guess has this friend named mal (who she grew up at an orphanage with) and she has been high key in love w him basically her whole life and he is so fucking clueless so he doesn’t pick up on it at all. but they get sent on a boat across this big black cloud thing called the “shadow fold” w spooky monsters in it. so you’re probably thinking “oh okay since they took a boat, the shadow fold must be over water” wrong. it’s over some crusty ass sand and instead of getting something with wheels they drag this big ass boat across dry land which makes 0 sense to me but okay. also i should probably mention that there are people w like magic powers or some shit but i’ll get to that later. anyways, so alina and her bestie end up on this boat goin across the big spooky cloud with some other rando people. another design flaw of the boat that really bothers me is the fact that there are EVIL FLYING MOSTERS up in this dark ass cloud and instead of like putting everyone below deck or whatever, they jus have everyone vibing out in the open for the monsters to snatch. so of course, the monsters start snatching bitches. and mal gets snatched and alina is like omg no and then she passes the fuck out. very wild stuff. so they make it out of the shadow fold somehow and alina wakes up and these guard dudes are draggin her to the fancy magic people tent. i think now is a good time to explain the magic people so ima do that. so basically there are all these people with magic powers called “grisha” which is kinda confusing bc it sounds a lot like geisha but whatever. there’s like a bunch of different powers and they all have wacky names that i can never remember so i just call them the wind people, the water people, the fire people, the heart people, the healing people, and the builder people. the names are pretty self explanatory. but then there’s this one guy called “the darkling” which is the dumbest name to ever exist omfg i laughed over it for a WHILE. so y’all can probably guess what his power is based off of his stupid name. he makes the shadows move oooo spooky. and he can also use the shadows to chop people in half. i guess. so back to the story, they drag alina to the darklings tent and he’s like “bitch u got powers” and she’s like “nah fam” and he’s like “yeah watch” and he cuts her w a knife and she lights up. like she turns into a human lightbulb. and she’s like “damn okay so like that’s what happened on the boat when i passed the fuck out” so they take her to the palace bc i guess she’s the first person to ever have that power and it’s important bc it can get rid of the shadow fold or whateva. and basically the rest of the book is her trying to figure out her powers and the darkling trying to find this deer whose antlers will amplify her power and alina complaining about living in a castle blah blah blah.

so here’s why the show is better than the book:

her friend/guy she’s in love with is so fucking toxic in the book. he’s such a bitch to her and she’s just like lol okay ily and i’m like wtf? why do u like this piece of shit? he’s just rude man. and in the show i actually liked him. he tried his hardest to get to the palace and find her after they took her away unlike in the book when he didn’t do shit and when she finally saw him again he was mad at her for some reason idk i was like bro u gotta chill. so i’m glad he was chill in the show.

the darkling’s name in the show is “general kirigan” which is also pretty lame but SO much better than the darkling. no debate.

leigh bardugo has 7 books total taking place in this little universe (the shadow and bone trilogy, six of crows duology, and the king of scars duology) and they threw some of the characters from six of crows into the show for some reason. i was a little skeptical of how that was gonna go before the show came out bc shadow and bone and six of crows take place at different times and also i haven’t read six of crows yet but omg. i loved them. it’s this little squad of this ninja bitch, some guy w a cane who is hot af and (my favorite) this gay dude who mostly just talks about a goat. they were baddies and i was so happy they made a lil plot for them and put them in the show.

and those are really the only reasons. idk. i’d recommend both the book and the show but definitely the show a lil bit more.

now it’s time to talk some shit about everyone. (SPOILERS!!)

jesper: okay something important i need to say that my mom mentioned as we were watching the show: wouldn’t it have stank like shit when jesper fucked that one guy in the stables??? like dude no. literally do it ANYWHERE but there pls and thank u.

kaz: jesus fuck make a move you goddamn pussy holy shit

inej: okay first of all the actress who played her was GORGEOUS and she’s such a badass. kaz and jesper can’t do SHIT compared to her.

alina: she lowkey annoyed me a lil bit in the show. she ended up being the one who was a dick to mal instead of the other way around and it kinda made me sad but whatever. also the antlers in her skin omfg i gagged every time i saw it it was fucking disgusting.

mal: dear book mal, go fuck yourself. dear netflix mal, ily boo <3

the darkling/general kirigan: they chose an old ass dude to play him in the show. like in the book even though he’s like hundreds of years old, he’s only supposed to look like 20 and the homeboy who played him in the show is 39. mmm no. poor little 25 year old jessie who had to make out with this grandpa motherfucker.

genya: wtf was that tall ass collar she was wearing?? made the bitch look like she had no neck.

david: 🧍‍♂️. also you traitor motherfucker.

baghra: we needed more of her. i love that crusty bitch. kinda upset that she attacked mal in the show but whatever he was fine i guess? idk i liked her a lot more in the book lol.

nina: idk who tf this bitch was bc she aint in the book. her lil plot was boring tbh.

milo: queen milo i live for you.

and that’s it. thank u for reading.

[coralsgrimes]

Yep the 30 seconds was all they've got lol the cast/title didn't even make it to the intro... Will just go and put another fiver in the Shadow and Bone me Daddy getting the axe jar, be right back 🧚🏻‍♀️🤡//

I dint think it's gonna survive either,though that's regardless of actual numbers. Netflix gas been cancelling left, right, and center, and even Sandman, such basically *exploded* open, had been seeing some uncertainty around a season 2. Honestly, fuck Netflix.

As for the lack of scars... one theory us that this scene takes place through the tether, or basically in the mind/thoughts/dream/whatever connection between The Darkling and Alina, hence no scars. But who the fucks knows, based on the dimly lit seconds we got served.

I'm glad to see you back though!

💮🌸

Actually ye here touched a lil bit BUT on so many things me been thinking about. Someone will end up with diarrhea in ma inbox after this but I shall continue lol sorry for this being so long :c no one's happy to see me anymore lol

I watched Sandman on a sleepless night and while it was not kind of ma alley I liked it. The things I liked the most? Well the show was just beautiful. The world, the entire production side and I loved the costumes so fucking much. The cast was amazing like sososo great too but one thing that kept me invested the most was the world building. I knew a lil bit about the source material beforehand but still, they did such an amazing job in introducing the world. Ohhh and that additional animated episode? So beautiful chefs kisses. Also like Neil Gaiman and Mason Alexander Park are just golden with fans online. It's a travesty the show is not renewed yet. Would not call myself a die hard fan but I would enjoy more of it, sure thing.

Now for the Shadow Daddy Show... First of all a ya love story as is the furthest from any of me interests lol I did watch it only cuz ye know, Benny Boy :c 

Second, the show is just laughable (for me personally) with these oh look at us we are X (here goes one of many real groups of people with serial numbers filled off) with bad pronunciations, stereotypical customs and even worse accents. I called it a caricature before, one that they took straight from them books (apparently) instead of fixing it. Still standing by that with me whole heart 🙈

Then... It's just very boring and predictable. I couldn't care less for any character, especially the leads. Like every one of them had one characters trait and that was their whole personality lol The only one I was rooting for was the goat. Was watching with me fren and the most fun we had was when we made fun of the tank guy aka Archie's??? character. Cuz like he had such a strong plot armor he couldn't die lol

Not to be that bitch too but the cast wasn't as strong either, like ye could tell it's their first/early thing in some cases. Jessie was outperformed by anyone standing nearby with one maybe two face expressions. The only worse was the other actress who I don't remember now but she was like a friend in the show? In like 2/3 episodes and quite tall? but like she was terrible, awful even. Benny was playing the same exact character he always does. And him deepening his voice was honestly so boring and unamusing x.x and that other guy who I also don’t remember the name of but he was wearing a hat, just irritating me SO FUCKING MUCH The goat did great tho, cuz GOAT ye know 🤡

Now, Shadow and Bone me Daddy biggest sin tho (according to Coral), they absolutely failed at the world building. I started the show knowing close to nothing about the world and was so fucking confused all the time. Practically till the very end. It's like they made a show targeted to only people who went through them books first, which was a stunningly stupid decisions to make. They went out like I was supposed to know it all, I had no idea who was who, why was why or where was where. I still don't know actually lol

And here ye saying yourself. Ye can debate the reason why, or suspect why, only cuz ye are aware of what went down in them books. I have no idea what comes next, last time we said goodbye he had scars. Now he pretty again, so me (and others???) confused. Oh and it actually makes ma original point stand even more lol cuz he is supposed to have them scars but for the sneak peek they purposeful choose to show the only part when he does not have them. Pretty face only x.x

[silverlakes]

I posted 1,823 times in 2021

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For every post I created, I reblogged 259.4 posts.

I added 22 tags in 2021

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#but now it’s like the parent left and all the teenagers are just screwing around

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

sooo is anybody else hating the TVA and Morbius with a passion or is it just me?

8 notes • Posted 2021-06-19 13:50:47 GMT

#4

So I’m rewatching CATWS as one does and it’s time for the elevator scene. You know the one. And I’m cracking up cause like the Strike Team saw a few days ago Cap jumping out of a plane with no parachute and still they are like “Nah it should be a breeze to take him down”

16 notes • Posted 2021-05-01 14:27:24 GMT

#3

also really the casting of Ben Barnes doesn’t help with the whole “hating the villain”

the man could play the Devil and i would be learning to pole dance Lil Nas X style

38 notes • Posted 2021-04-25 14:08:34 GMT

#2

so like if you don’t want me to root for the villain like don’t spend 10 minutes showing me that he had a fucking valid point and good intentions in the beginning

just don’t

because my fuck’o’meter is completely broken so you keep telling me I’m supposed to hate the Darkling and I’m just here like YEA’ BITCH BURN IT DOWN

79 notes • Posted 2021-04-25 14:00:16 GMT

#1

The Loki show should have been Doctor Who on steroids instead we got the Sylvie series because Marvel apparently doesn’t know how to utilize one of their most beloved characters.

318 notes • Posted 2021-07-17 16:22:27 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[tony-the-tigers-juicy-armpit]

Okay bitches heres my review on Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo idk if there's gonna be spoilers but if you wanna go blind into this fucking book here's my short review: it's nice. Alright here's my FULL SYNOPSIS AND REVIEW. Thisshit starts in a short chapter where there's this Lil boy and girl and their names are Alina and Mal. They're orphans and some fucking Grisha (wizards essentially) were like oh hey bitch we're gonna test to see if ur Grisha and the results came back They're not Grisha so the bitches leave. Next chapter is a SHOOP into the FAR FUTURE where Alina and Mal are in a regiment and they're about to attempt crossing the Shadow Fold (A rip through the land, a place shrouded in darkness and creatures called volcra) and get to West Ravka. It's a disaster bitch. People be dying and shit. Those fucking volcra. The Darkling (best Grisha around, the King's top Grisha, has a reputation for little mercy and a cold demeanor) wants to know what happened and why everyone didn't die. Everyone says they saw light burst out of Alina and Alina is like "bitch no I felt light but lol what" but the Darkling is still like "bitch ur coming with me ur the Sun Summoner and u can prob help me close the Shadow Fold" so she's taken to the Little Palace (hogwarts) and she struggles with her emotions cuz she misses Mal and she can't use her powers on her own, she always needs an amplifier. So the Darkling tells Baghra (Alina's mean ass teacher) "bitch Baghra you can let up cuz I'm gonna find some elusive deer and then kill one and make its antlers into a fuckin necklace then Alina can summon hella light and shit" and Alina is like "yes bitch fuck me up fuck you BaghrA" and then Alina gets comfortable, then forgets about Mal . She looks inside herself and she's like "Mal was holding me back " and learns to summon light without an amplifier. So she does that and Baghra is like yes bitch. Then the story briefly becomes a dollar store fantasy fifty shades of Gray then out of nowhere Baghra is like "ALINA BITCH STOP THE DARKLING WANTS TO USE U TO CONTROL THE SHADOW FOLD SO HE CAN BECOME A TYRANT" and Alina is like "BbbbUt I wanted ThaT DaRkLing DIcK" and Baghra is like "shut up bitch I'm actually his mother and he's the Black Heretic who created the Shadow Fold" and Alina is like "fuck I guess I'm not getting that Darkling dick" . So Alina runs away hoping to get to the Shadow Fold and make it across with her light so she can sorta be happy in West Ravka. But boom bitch The Darkling finds out that bitch ran away so the team that was originally hunting the elusive deer for Alina's amplifier necklace (the deer are called Morozova's herd btw) (the team also included Mal) were then hunting Alina. They almost find her but Mal is like "hey bitch" and Alina is like "Finally some hope damn bitch lol" so they travel together and Mal is like "we won't escape the Darkling forever so we gotta find Morozova's herd b4 they do so you can fuck the Darkling up" so they search for the deer and Alina gets that Mal dick and they find the deer. Alina is too much of a bitch to kill the deer and the Darkling and his team catch up with them. They imprison Mal and using the necklace, the Darkling can command Alina to use her power but Alina can't use it herself. So they go to The Shadow Fold and the Darkling clears a path using Alina with the light and eventually they push Mal over the edge so he can be eaten by the volcra. But Alina reached toward what the Deer has been trying to tell her in the dreams she's been having and she breaks free from the fuckin control of the Darkling , saves herself and Mal and leaves the rest of the ship at the mercy of the volcra. They get to West Ravka and sea the actual fucking ocean finally and everything is nice. The End. My review: yeah this shits good mmmmmmmmm good book

[lancelotdeservedbetter]

@libraryofneith @lil--miss-winchester hell yeah sir leon!!

-Firstly, Leon's reputation as the responsible one? Utter shit. Propaganda. This man grew up with Gwen, Elyan and Arthur, nobody stays sane enough to be considered responsible after that and the three of them like to remind him as such

Leon: wow. i sure am glad i have matured into a sensible knight

Elyan: what a load of shit. you chased a "beast" through the darkling woods on a hunt for three miles before realising it was your shadow

Leon, regretting ever saying anything: no but-

Arthur: you? responsible? the man who taught me that i could get out of council meetings by pretending to be cursed? and didn't even teach me well, you just said shout about magic then lie down on the ground and wiggle a bit!

Leon, weakly: i-

Gwen: Don't even try it. i was there last month when you almost died of pneumonia after you refused to wear a coat because it, and i quote, "stopped your cape from flowing properly"

He's still the most sensible and responsible of them all by a long shot but it's difficult to maintain a reputation when you're surrounded by people you used to play 'let's cover ourselves in butter and see who can slide the furthest down the hall' with (Gwen held the record until Elyan's fifth birthday, when he realised he could easily win if he went down the stairs. He broke both of his arms but he still considers it one of his greatest achievements.)

-To maintain his relatively calm facade and not strangle any of his friends, Leon keeps a diary. After every council meeting, every bullshit shenanigan, Leon just takes a deep breath pulls out his diary. If it was ever found, he would likely be executed

Arthur: Merlin and i have captured a dragon. gonna fuck around and see what happens next

Leon scribbling furiously: dear diary you will not believe what these bitches have done now

Or one particularly harrowing entry:

Dear Diary, every morning i pray for death and i am greeted with a mountain of shite. the king has married a troll. kinkshaming is against the knight's code but honestly what the fuck. i dont know any more and i do not wish to.

-Pasted on the wall in his room, Leon has a list he wrote of people he's not allowed to let near each other lest the kingdom fall to pieces. At the top of that list is Gwaine and Morgana, after Leon found out Gwaine had been thieving her shampoo

Gwaine: my lady

Morgana: my lord

Gwaine:

Morgana:

Gwaine:

Morgana, narrowing her eyes and drawing her sword: Why do i smell vanilla essence and honey

Gwaine, fleeing as fast as his legs can carry him: we've been made!! fuck!!

other pairs on the list include: Lancelot and Merlin without supervision, Gwen and Gwaine when at the tavern (she's the only person that can outdrink him and she does so with relish), Arthur and any of his direct relatives, Merlin and Elena and Elyan with anybody who has access to explosives

-Leon is the only one of the original noble knights to ever try and learn any basic life skills for himself. This is largely due to Gwaine bullying him about not being able cook anything other than what he called "pee soup" (it was supposed to be a vegetable stew and Leon has worked very hard on it before almost poisoning everyone)

-He knows full well that people fall asleep during his briefings and starts taking the piss. sometimes he'll just throw something in there to see if anyone notices

Leon: four patrols on the western border,

Everybody visibly napping:

Leon: two on the eastern border, i murdered Elyan this morning and Lancelot is next, scouts in the north say nothing to report

Arthur, sort of half awake: sorry?

Leon: i said the northern scouts reported nothing

Lancelot, the only one who always pays attention:

-Leon doesn't really get involved with pranks, which is definitely for the best. He always goes far too over the top and not in an 'elaborate booby trap with dominoes and wheels' kind of way, more in a 'i paid everybody in the castle to pretend that you're Merlin and Merlin is you, i've switched out all your clothes, moved all your things out of your room, dyed your hair while you slept and i'm going to watch you slowly lose your mind' kind of way. That last one is a real example, he did it to Arthur once because he thought it would be funny but it ended with Arthur screaming and trying to build a portal because he thought he was trapped in a parallel universe

-He's pretty good at working out when people are lying to him but never calls them out on it. Instead, he plays along with the lie and brings it up whenever possible, forcing the liar to add more and more layers to their lie until they break

Leon: happy birthday Arthur! i know how much you love poetry, so i got you another book of poems and ive signed you up to perform in a slam poetry show in the lower town!

Arthur, shaking: Merlin i can't take this any more