#fuck the sea snobs!!

[corroded-hellfire]

Prompt Day 30: Fame and Fortune

Words: 1000

Rating: T

Pairing: Eddie x Reader

CW: language

Summary: When rockstar Eddie and his actress wife go to buy a sports car, their salesman has a familiar face

@corrodedcoffinfest

Eddie didn’t think his life could get much better. He’s a Grammy Award winning rockstar in a band with his best friends, he’s married to you, a smoking hot Oscar Award winning actress, and you two have your dream life all planned out. Where you want to live, how many kids you want to have, and even what cars you want to drive.

Which leads you to a Ferrari dealership in Chicago. It’s not where you live, but if you happen to find a car you fall in love with, you have more than enough money to have it delivered to your home.

The two of you step into the pristine white building, Eddie’s hand held snugly in yours. A dealer makes his way out of the offices in the back to greet you, and you hear Eddie let out a surprised scoff. You turn your head to look at him in question, but he’s looking straight ahead at the shorter man approaching you.

“Well, long time no see,” Eddie says once the man is close enough.

The salesman looks cowed. There’s a pained pinch to his face, like Eddie is the last person he wants to see and this is the last place he wants to be.

“Welcome in,” the man says. He looks from your husband to you. “My name is Jason. What can I help you with today?”

Eddie’s hand falls from your own and he stretches his arm out and over your shoulders. A glance in his direction shows a satisfied smirk on his pretty face.

“The wife and I would like to purchase a new car. Thought we’d test drive some Ferrari’s and see if anything catches our attention.”

“Uh, sure,” Jason says, slipping his hands into the pockets of his khakis. “I’ll meet you outside and we’ll take a look at some cars?”

“Sounds good,” Eddie says.

He steers you towards the side door while Jason heads toward the offices.

The shit-eating grin on your husband’s face confuses you and the moment you step outside, you question him.

“What’s going on?” you ask.

“That shrimp is one Jason Carver,” he says as you wander between cars.

It takes a moment for the name to click. You skid to a stop, causing Eddie’s arm to slip from your shoulders.

“That’s the guy who was such an asshole to you in high school?”

The shock on your face only adds to Eddie’s giddiness.

“That’s him.”

“Ugh,” you groan as you start to walk through the sea of Ferrari’s again.

“Aw, baby!” It’s Eddie’s turn to come to a halt. He grabs your hands and excitedly bounces on the balls of his feet. “Can we please, please, please act like douchey rich snobs? You’re an actress, think of it as an exercise.”

You can’t help but laugh. He drops your hands and you reach up to cup his face.

“Let’s fuck with the asshole,” you agree.

By the time Jason comes out to meet you, you and Eddie have narrowed it down to two different cars you’d like to test drive: a red Ferrari and a yellow one.

Eddie slips into the driver’s seat for the test drive of the red one. As soon as he pulls out onto the main road and lets it get up to speed, he prompts you for the first bit of fake snobbery.

“What do you think, sweetheart?”

A long-suffering sigh escapes your lips as you lean back in your seat, wearing the most bored facial expression that you can manage.

“Ferraris have a reputation for speed,” you say, “but they don’t have the same level of meticulous craftsmanship found in an Aston Martin.”

Eddie has to dig his teeth into his bottom lip to keep from laughing. This act is so in contrast to your true personality last night when you found a fun sized KitKat in the bottom of your purse and were excited about it for the rest of the day.

“Ferrari’s have a more aerodynamic design than Aston Martins, which allows them to have a more aggressive and efficient performance,” Jason says from the back seat.

You don’t bother with a response, only humming a small, uninterested “mm” before turning your head to gaze out the window.

When you arrive back at the dealership, it’s your turn to get behind the wheel of the yellow sports car and Eddie’s turn to come up with obnoxious things to say.

“It’s really minimalist in here, isn’t it?” Eddie asks, inspecting the dials and buttons built into the dashboard. “You wouldn’t even know it’s a Ferrari if you didn’t look at the emblem on the steering wheel.”

“And it doesn’t ride as smoothly as the Porsche I drove in my last movie,” you add.

“Was it a prop car?” Jason asks.

You let out an offended snort.

“Absolutely not. You think I can’t tell the difference?”

“Oh no, that’s not what I meant to imply,” Jason says apologetically.

It’s the closest you and Eddie come to bursting out laughing.

“Was that in the superhero movie, baby?” Eddie asks.

“Hmm? Oh no, I drove a Lamborghini in that one,” you brag. “Which also rode smoother than this.”

This time when you get back to the dealership, Jason can’t get out of the car fast enough. You and Eddie share an amused look as you trail behind him back towards the building. Something tells you that Jason is going to be getting a drink after work tonight.

“So, what did you really think, babe?” you ask Eddie quietly, slipping your arm around his waist.

“I actually really liked the red one,” he admits with a laugh. “I’d hate to give him commission on a sale, though.”

“Aww, Eds,” you coo. “But then you’ll be the bigger man.”

“True.” Eddie considers. “Eh, what the hell? Then I can also hold being the bigger person over himl.”

You can’t help but giggle. It’s not exactly what you meant, but you can hardly blame him.

[piratefishmama]

Crossing the Line | Part 2

For Eddie Munson, it started with a tweet. A random little tweet in his mentions that ignited his incredibly hard to control impulsive curiosity. One of his long-time followers and his best friends little brother, a boy with a love of DnD who only begrudgingly followed him after he recorded one of his campaign sessions and posted it to YouTube, pinged him a mention with a single link in it to Instagram captioned “roast him he’s ruined Crazy Train!”

Michael Wheeler you little shit. He’d get Nancy on that one, Mike’s obsession with roasting people was getting mildly out of hand.

But Eddie was a curious soul and someone had apparently ruined an Ozzy masterpiece, so of course he followed that link, he didn’t even hesitate, even let out a cute little “boop” out loud as he clicked it.

Now. Eddie Munson, could have probably been classed as a bit of a music snob. He wouldn’t go too far with his snobbery, but for some people... it was just an unwritten rule that some people deserved the snobbery to the max. They deserved the shit storm that came with Eddie’s brutal honesty and lack of verbal filter.

And Nepo-babies with nothing better to do than *fix* legendary metal tracks with their top 10 bubblegum bitch bullshittery were 100% deserving of the roasting his bitchiest of little sheep had called for.

Did he go a little overboard over the following week while bored shitless in between customers at his shitty non-chain coffee shop gig? Absolutely. Did he feel bad? Absolutely not. It’d taken him all of five minutes to decide Steve Harrington was the worst.

Even if the nepo baby thing wasn’t enough, he was spotted with a different piece of arm candy every month, he had girls and guys falling all over themselves to get a glimpse from him in their general direction, like, there were articles about fights breaking out in the audience of his shows because fans couldn’t decide which one of them he looked at. He lived in some fancy ass house if his insta photos were anything to go by which no doubt his parents bought for him, he did way too many PR stunts to make it seem like he was a good guy, and while his voice was… okay, it wasn’t bad… passable, it was passable…

It sure as fuck needed to stay in its own goddamn lane.

So, the boredom in between the rare rush thanks to the Starbucks down the street was filled with what could only be described as obsessive online bullying, his ADHD hyper fixated so hard, but no way was he even going to notice it, so Eddie didn’t even feel bad about it. The guy had so many people falling all over themselves in hopes he’d notice them that his measly little insults would probably wind up just buried in the sea of hormones and the occasional desperate “COME TO BRAZIL” hashtag Brazilian flag and several thousand heart emojis.

And just as a fun little topper on the ice cream sundae that was his weeklong bitchfit into the void, a lovely little cherry on top, he covered Crazy Train on his channel. Not just the guitar bits, but he made chords and tabs for the lyrics too, letting his sweetheart sing for him, he never sang on his channel, vocals were just for the band gigs, his channel was primarily game music covers but this one, this one he declared “This is what it’s supposed to sound like” in the intro then rocked it.

Eddie was all about freedom of musical expression, but Steve Harrington could go suck a fat one if he thought he was getting away with ruining a masterpiece with his croony bullshit.

“So” The week after he’d finally put his one sided feud to rest, found one Nancy Wheeler, the instigators older sister sidling up to the counter mid-way through the most boring Sunday shift Eddie had ever worked in his life.

“Wheeleeerr, my sister from the most boring of misters, what can I get you babydoll?” He didn’t even need to ask, and she didn’t actually need to say it, he was already halfway through making her fancy little favourite, a cinnamon hazelnut latte with soy milk knowing she probably only had five minutes before she’d have to bolt again.

“Eddie… why have you spent the better part of a week harassing a celebrity on Instagram?”

“I think you mean an entire week, your little brother released the dogs of war. Aaaand the ADHD told me to do it.” He grabbed one of the little honey buns from the treats display and popped it onto a plate for her “forgive me honey bun?” A pet name AND a treat combined. She rolled her eyes fondly before accepting the free treat. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” There was absolutely a reason, but… honestly he brought whatever was coming to him upon himself. Sort of. She'd stand in his corner if shit got real. “I’ll handle Mike, don’t harass celebrities until you’re actually a celebrity, and even then, don’t harass celebrities.”

“It’s not like he’d notice, let’s be honest he has more fans than there are stars in the sky, all of them, and I do mean all of them, fully up for bearing his children.” Seahorse dads in the house! But also, mpreg too, ass babies unite. “It’s not like some rando having a questionably obsessive and lowkey aggressive meltdown over his ‘I’m bored as shit’ experiment would ever grace his radar.”

“I’m just saying Eddie, you never know who you’re going to reach with your online nonsense, if you ever want to get out of this place, you’re going to have to play nice with people from all walks of life, including nepotism babies.” The bark of laughter that erupted from Eddie Munson would have probably insulted most people, but Nancy had known him for years. He was listening, he was, there were just layers upon layers of automatic reactions to get through before he’d visibly take in what you were saying. “He could be nice, you never know.”

“Oh yeah, his royal highness seems lovely. Did you know people used to call him King Steve?” Seemed like the worst person on the planet masquerading as a semi-decent guy. Eddie wasn’t fooled in the slightest. “Your drink, mademoiselle!” He presented her with a large to-go cup filled with her favourite beverage.

“Don’t you have some odd little moniker on your youtube channel?” She asked behind the lip of her cup, before taking a sip and humming in appreciation. Even if he was a little shit, Eddie could make a mean latte.

“That’s a persona, it’s an online personality! People calling me Kas is different, people just called him that cause of how much ass he got. It’s weird, I bet he started it himself and paid his cronies to use it until it caught on.” That was good, maybe he’d pick his feud back up just to lay that one on him. “Seems very nepo baby of him, y’know? Can’t get a good nickname circling so he’s gotta buy one.”

“Wouldn’t his parents have bought it for him?”

“Ohhhh Wheeler good one! Nice nickname, did your daddy buy it for you? Babe, sugar plum, I love you. Imma write that one down for later.”

“Please don’t.” He was already off, and she caught sight of her smartwatch beeping about some meeting she was close to being late for. “Shoot! Gotta run, no more harassing celebrities!”

“I promise nothing!” Ah well, it probably wasn’t that big of a deal that Steve Harrington’s best friend had DM’d her, probably not a big deal at all, probably meant nothing... probably.

Part 4

[kaijuree]

IM GOING FUCKING INSANE!!!

Making full body arts for characters i have roleplay blogs of!! Darkheart edition....i love him sm (hes my favorite sfoth deity can you tell)

Anyways heres some fun facts & shit about my interpretation of him (some will be important or helpful to keep in mind if you ever wanna draw my version of him :3) (please chat draw fanart & make fan shit of my darkheart blog)

His weird black oracle arm is longer then his other arm. Also his fingertips on that arm are green but you cant tell with his scarf & shit....

hes kinda twitchy!! His black arm specifically is twitchy....but hes shaky & twitchy

He is probably not neurotypical (NEURODIVERGENT DEITY??? NO FUCKIN WAY) & he is sure as hell not white i mean hes never been

hes a sea snake!! He does not like water tho because being on land is just more natural to him but if he gets soggy he will just. Yeah. He still needs to breathe tho so not like he can spend 24 hours underwater

he is unwell super unstable has he ever been okay absolutely not. I mean this physically too like this man is gonna catch a cold if someone around him even mentions it & it is 100% his fault he has HORRIBLE person hygiene

hes also kinda a snob...this reminds me of a funny thing i was joking around about like venomshank liking Starbucks lattes then Darkheart like EW NO like bro likes whole hibiscus tea leaves imported & in a fancy tin for 16$. Also he basically only eats fish & he doesn't feel like eating anything else (eat your veggies bro)

[prismaticflare]

Okay, enough with the positives, lets talk flaws. I wish I could say there weren’t any, but I am not a liar. Warning, spoilers along with swearing and excessive caps lock.

Also am being pretty blunt here. I did overall enjoy the movie a lot, but if you’re reading my criticisms, I doubt you want me to sugar coat them, so I won’t. If you don’t want the negativity, that’s totally fine! A movie doesn’t have to be perfect for you to like it, and, again, I ENJOYED THIS MOVIE! So, feel free to skip this post and enjoy the rest of my autism fueled happy rants! However, if you want to hear my honest criticism, here you go.

Firstly, ending was fucking awful. I will be making a whole post alone on it just because of how much it sucked. Also wont did into the problems with the time travel, other than one major one at the end. Time travel in ANY show is a horrible idea.

Choreography was garbage. Every single song had the same dynamic. The main singer was at the center while a triangle of backup dancers flailed around in the back. If you don’t know, I’ve done dance for a large portion of my life, and have a background in ballet among many other styles, so I know for a FACT they could have done better. And its not just that it was bad. D1-D3 were no chorographical masterpieces, but DROR felt as if it was HIGHLIGHTING IT! YOU COULD NOT ESCAPE THE JOJO SIWA ASS FLAILING. WHAT THE HELL!

That one ponytail on Bridget was a hate crime. I’ve never really been a wig snob, I though Mal’s D3 wig was fine although apparently it wasn’t, but if I can tell a wig is bad, you need to burn it.

Although Uliana (aka my wife) was the best thing in this world, the rest of the Merlin-Era VKs were meh. They tried to recreate the Sea Three dynamic and did it, but it wasn’t good. I actually liked Morgie better than Gil, but that’s because I never liked Gil as I am a firm hater on comic relief characters, and Morgie is the same exact things although he gets glowey eyes so that’s better than Gil. Hook was just Harry but boring and no longer a whore (non-derogatory), and the rest of them could be erased from the show and nothing would change.

Speaking of characters, WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH MADDOX!? I didn’t finish the newest book, but unless something CRAZY happens at the end, these are two different characters. I suspect this is another crime of Disney not telling Melissa de la Cruz enough, or maybe it was bad writing on her end (wouldn’t be the first time,) but still was lame.

Also, this might just be me, but the way they handled Carlos rubbed me the wrong way, although that was a decision from the wedding animation that I always hated. They could have just pretended they never did that, but I understand why they didn’t. Still made me hella uncomfy.

As of now I think that’s about everything, although there were quite a few minor things. I won’t list them all off as I don’t want to nitpick, but just to name a few…

Flamingo CGI hurt my eyes

So This Is Love was D1 Be Our Guest coded (derogatory)

Tried too hard to recreate D1-D3 although they actually had a fine plot without it

Uliana’s “perfect revenge” was boring. Go with Hades’ idea and burn her. Much better (also will mention this in ending chapter)

IDK how a sequel (which they hinted at) would work since they literally said Mal, Ben, Jay, and Evie are just on a trip. Are they not gonna come back?

Speaking of which, such a lazy excuse. Just say they died. If you did it for Carlos, you can do it for them

Didn’t have my bbgrl Lonnie

See you soon for my final part of this chat. The one I hate the most. The End

[indiaalphawhiskey]

🐺 Snippet 2

So, yeah, suffice it to say, Harry Styles was fucking flawless – ask any Alpha.

“You’re such a shit cuddle.”

Well, any Alpha except Louis Tomlinson.

Briefly pausing his attempts to tame a single, wayward curl in the mirror, Harry turned to glance at Louis over his shoulder. They made eye contact, and Harry took his time, silently giving Louis’ jeans a pointed once over as he zipped them up.

Louis clearly got his meaning, if the exasperated scoff he responded with was anything to go by.

Still, Harry made sure to add, “I actually have somewhere to be,” as he turned back to his reflection. Apparently, a twenty-minute delay was all the grace period you got before someone or other’s piranha of a fourth wife was making a play for your seat as Chair of the Board of the Philharmonic, he thought, rolling his eyes.

And while Harry was begrudgingly well aware that, as the heir and incumbent head of a multi-billion dollar tech giant, Louis probably also had somewhere to be (jeans notwithstanding), what Louis said instead was, “Let me clarify: you’re always a shit cuddle.” His smirk was bright as his head popped out of his black Loro Piana sweater. “Have been since boarding school.”

Harry ignored the quip and the sordid reminder of just how long this pragmatic little arrangement had been going on, his eyes drawn to the movement of Louis adjusting the back of his shirt collar. He tried not to think about the fabric sitting against the nape of Louis’ neck; how those two inches of cashmere probably smelled the most like them, together – fresh sage and sea salt, white suede and pink pepper. How, even without them ever knotting, those scents – their arousal – always seemed to permeate expensive fabric the most (and made sheets a bitch and a half to dry clean, which was partially to blame for their decade-long standing patronage of the penthouse suite at the St. Regis.)

“Aren’t you a little old to still be dressing like you’re cosplaying Steve Jobs?” Harry asked blithely, slipping the last of his rings onto his finger. “Nevermind the fact that your father was about thirty times more successful.”

Louis’ jaw dropped in dramatic faux shock. “Was that actually a compliment for the riff-raff new money, snob?”

“Facts aren’t compliments, Tomlinson,” Harry sniffed. “And being a snob is my birthright.”

[house-of-spamdini]

RIVERS CUOMO YOU MEDIOCRE SCOTT PILGRIM ASS FAKE PUNK WHITE BUDDHIST TURTLENECK SNUGGLING I-WENT-TO-HARVARD SNOB DOUCHEBAG I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE DAY ALL OF TWITTER SIMULTANEOUSLY REMEMBERS EL SCORCHO AND ACROSS THE SEA AND FUCKING FLAMES YOUR ASS HARDER THAN THE SURFACE OF THE SUN FOR BEING SUCH A GROSS ASS DUDE. CAN’T BELIEVE THEY PUT YOU IN GUITAR HERO.

[brassandblue]

any music-related hot takes? (for Arthur)

“Hmmm... I’ve got a few.”

“Synth is fine, amazing even, and as different types of instruments become available it doesn’t serve to be a bloody snob about them. On the other hand, I’m sick to death of sound-sampled, so-called ‘orchestral’ arrangements— not from your indie musician, but from big budget films and such. Just contract a bloody orchestra! Fuck off!!”

“The Beatles weren’t that good. I liked some of their songs, don’t get me wrong, but they just weren’t wholly for me.”

“Oh here’s one more: We need more protest songs again. We need pirate broadcast music again! Fuck the record companies! Where’s the anger, fear, the raw emotion all defining a new genre?! Ennui isn’t enough. I want someone screaming into a mic about how I’m going to drown in rising sea levels.”

[thefamilyeldritchabomination]

Chapter Twenty: Sonne Pt. 3

 “Again, I don’t care, you two fight too much for my personal preferences and rather not have knives thrown into the mix with amorphous blobs.” Lust was growing rightfully impatient as she kept Gluttony from wandering off to get food on his own.

 “I’m pretty sure Envy was regretting the tequila after that hangover they had..” Dolly piped in, hoping to just end this long bickering as something could be heard in the brushes of the woods.

 It was exactly as Envy had promised, the horrible giant serpent arrived with a good sized cow in their jaws, clearly that one was some poor farmer’s prized cow to boot. Lust’s pupils retracted in shock and horror at how monstrously large Envy had become with scales to boot. Gluttony, oh Gluttony, being the flesh eating cinnamon roll he was, waved to Envy happily without a care about how horrific they looked. Freddy was now prepared after his first encounter with the absolutely asshole dragon, glaring away at Envy in expectation of the next insult they’ll throw. Envy, on the other hand, was looking over the group realizing their family members were here too with Dolly and the deplorable Face Fur. There were clicking sounds coming from Envy’s jaw as they loosened the grip on the murdered prized cattle. The cow came down with a thud as it hit the ground, catching some off guard and others thinking about what seasonings to use on it as Envy opened their puppet-like mouth to speak. The mouth hangs open for a moment or two before a voice emanates out from the depths of Envy like a speaker phone of sorts.

“Lussst…Gluttonnny…you’re here too?” Envy asked, clearly they didn’t have the common sense to even sniff them out as well.

 “Okay good to see you’re actually talking, though your senses seem to be off to forget to sniff us out.” Lust was in a state of shock at the fact Envy’s voice was coming out of this serpent like a speaker phone.

 “Envy! Envy! Are the people here delicious as well?” Gluttony chimed in, very much eager to get some food into his system.

 “Could…use…some salt..” Envy remarked, even as a serpent, Envy was still very much a food snob.

 “Told you salt was important for seasoning meat with.” Dolly said as Freddy became a bit flustered at that.

 “Dolly I don’t think that’s the main point right now fucking hell…” Freddy wasn’t thrilled with having to play doctor for the horrible reptile pretty soon.

 “Unfortunately the mouse has a point, look, Envy, we can’t have you stay as an oversized monstrosity for very long for many good reasons. If you would just be patient, we can get our mouse over here to hijack your shapeshifting from Dante and hopefully get you back to normal.” Lust said, she was very much ready to shame Envy into behaving should it come down to it.

 “Ha..haha…you’re funny…Face Fur can fuck off and not touch me…” Envy snorted at the notion of having Freddy touch them in any possible way let alone be allowed to handle their shapeshifting ability.

 “I don’t want to touch you either since you smell like dead fish and shit! I’m still gonna do what I can to save your miserable ass!” Freddy yelled after a moment of growling at Envy’s blatant disrespect.

 “God damn it Envy we do not have time for your pettiness! You are going to let that mouse hijack and rewire your shape shifting at once! Sloth already fucking knows where we’re in Resembool and wants Dolly!” Lust chided at Envy, thinking it would convince the unpleasant reptile, but alas, Envy panicked.

 “Dante..Dante knows…hide…into the cave we go!” Envy’s heavily mercury poisoned brain somewhat connected the dots and started thrashing about in panic like an out of control water hose.

 “Envy you need to calm down…plus I don’t think Resembool has a cave…does it?” Lust went into dodging mode as Envy flailed about the property. “Is that idiot thinking about Walden!?” Freddy screeched as he ran with the others to avoid a panicking oversized sea snake.

 “Envy, you have to calm down!” Dolly said as she waited a bit before Envy’s head came close enough for Dolly to make a grab.

 There was a stunned silence for a moment for Lust to register what just happened as Freddy calmed down upon seeing that Dolly was holding Envy still like a dog owner does when it comes to an annual shot. Envy was still wriggling a bit, but couldn’t budge from where Dolly had them held down. Lust was in a bit of disbelief, sure she remembered how Envy was hit with a lamppost by Dolly from the first encounter, but this was a different scenario. Envy clearly had to have weighed over thirteen thousand pounds to be held still by someone so short like Dolly. Using her head as an indicator, Dolly notion to Freddy to start hijacking Envy’s ouroboros tattoo while the oversized noodle is held down. Finding the spot where the ouroboros tattoo was easier said than done as the thick scales proved to be an obstacle of sorts for Freddy. Freddy’s teeth started to grind against one another as he tried his darnest to find the blasted tattoo, nerves beginning to fry from the stress as the violet fish eyes of Envy glanced at Freddy in horror of being touched by their least favorite human. Envy would much rather have their rotten excuse of a father handling them rather than Freddy as Envy lashed their tail about in defiance. There was a feign smile if one could call it that spread on the scaly face as Envy earned some delightful high pitch screeches from Freddy as their tail nearly got the booger. Dolly, rightfully, wasn’t too thrilled with how Envy was conducting themself with the help that was being given right at that moment.

 “Envy cut it out, Freddy is trying to help you!” Dolly scolded a bit as she kept a tight grip on Envy who huffed like an annoyed alligator on steroids. 

 “Do..I…get to push the….Face Fur…off a…building ... .after…this?”  Envy asked, their voice having the quality of air being leaked from a tire.  “Envy! You cheeky jackass! You are not shoving me off a building after I save your scaly ass from becoming someone’s fucking new pair of boots!” Freddy screeched in fury about the treatment he was receiving from an ungrateful Envy.

“Damn it Envy, you went from panicking about Dante to provoking Freddy! Make up your mind already!” Lust was very much at her limits and rightfully so as the gears in Envy’s skull turned just a smidge.

[heartstringsduet]

okay 🌸🍪 and also I want hear about the salt peculiarity haha

I just shared my favorite flower (lisianthus) but also love the overlooked baby's breath (what a fucking cue name in english!! In german it sounds AWFUL. Schleierkraut) 🍪- cookie dough or cookies? Cookies (but freshly made cookie dough is heaven as well. But couldn't eat a lot of it) Salt

Okay let me tell you about my obsession with salt. Whenever people I know well invite me over to cook, I will for sure judge them if they only have table salt. (unless they're poor. like I'm noting but a food snob) If you want to know why I could give you a whole essay about why the structure of salt types has a massive impact on the flavor. It's not chocolate with table salt is it? It HAS to be flaky sea salt or it will be overly salty instead of a pleasant burst of salt with sweet. So i use sea salt on everything. And then at the end I sprinkle over flaky sea salt like Maldon because it's fucking delicious and makes things taste better, sweet or salty. Salt Fat Acid Heat by Samin Nosrat not only is a fucking fantastic read by someone who bursts with passion and is a literal angel but it taught me a lot! It's a must read for anyone who vaguely likes cooking or baking!!! So since then i have a little jar of flaky sea salt in my living room and I bring it sometimes (because I'm a freak okay? I try not to be rude but...dudes, you salt and pepper everything. make those your pantry priorities!!!)

[thehelpermouse]

Bored and kind of obsessed with the Hornigold era trio right now so allow me to share some of my salacious and not so salacious headcanons with y’all.

Ed and Jack were both on Hornigold’s ship as crewmen rather close in age

Izzy was there before them and is a bit older than them and was in higher standing on the ship than they were.

Ed’s ambition, resourcefulness, and flair for the dramatic quickly caught Izzy and their captain’s attention. Jack less so because he came off more as the reckless jackass that followed in Ed’s step.

Hornigold never had any romantic or sexual interest in the trio (sorry I know that’s popular in the fandom)

Izzy started offering more opportunities and a higher share of all loot to Ed as a means of getting closer to him so he could build Ed’s reputation on the sea more. Izzy could see Hornigold growing older and weaker and could see Ed had the most potential to captain next besides himself (which he had no actual interest in).

This got on Jack’s nerves quite a bit. Ed was his best friend after all and this Izzy snob is just gonna come in and try to spend all this time with Ed and steal him away?

Jack constantly made jokes about how Izzy was just trying to get in Ed’s pants by sweetening him up with a higher share of the loot.

Jack proposed matelotage to Ed since he was getting a greater share they might as well both benefit.

Ed full on rejects Jacks proposal thinking he’s only joking.

Jack’s next strategy is to get on Izzy’s good side in hopes of getting ahead and getting more time with Edward. Ed obliviously let’s Jack invite himself on he and Izzy’s errands and misadventures, eventually establishing them as a trio.

This gets on Izzy’s nerves. He doesn’t like Jack at all but will play nice for Edward’s sake.

Post mutiny, Jack was Ed’s first pick for first mate, but after the incident with the French vessel Ed was angry with how far Jack had pushed him into violence and threw him off the ship, designating Izzy the new first mate, ultimately the smarter choice from the beginning.

Now onto the nsfw shit

Izzy is a masochist, a sub. And a bottom. These are just his preferences. He’s still one of the most fearsome and deadly pirates that ever sailed, he’s no wilting Lily. It takes a tough man to get pleasure out of the shit Izzy’s into. If it were up to him he’d probably be in some 24/7 dynamic with Ed.

Ed is a sadomasochist, leaning more on the masochist side, and a verse that prefers bottoming.

Jack is a straight up sadist and verse. He’d love to bottom for Ed but won’t look the gift horse that is getting to fuck Ed, in the mouth so to speak. It does however make him incredibly jealous of the fact that Ed will fuck Izzy and do all that crazy depraved dom shit that turns that old grouch into an agreeable puddle of dopamine.

Ed treats sex with Jack differently from how he treats sex with Izzy because he cares about and maybe even loves Izzy while Jack is just fun to him.

Because of this Ed wishes Izzy would fuck him or at least let Ed be gentle with him. Constantly hurting and degrading Iz takes an emotional toll on him.

Jack on the other hand gets off on all that shit with Izzy. The whole of their sexual encounters is hate sex with lots of degradation flowing both ways.

Despite Jack sincerely being into all that, he’s chaotic and disorganized and doesn’t apply the right amount of structure and personal touch to domming that Ed does which is what Izzy ultimately craves.

So there you have it, all the reasons they work but fundamentally don’t work as a triad.

[piratefishmama]

Crossing the Line | Part 13

“You’re wearing that?”

“Yes, I’m wearing this, this has been a focus point ever since I mentioned it, it’s an inside joke at this point Robbie, we have an inside joke already! I’m wearing this.” He was wearing the sweater vest. It was a running gag at that point, and it was the perfect opportunity to wear it. Eddie had messaged him that morning (okay so, more like just gone 2pm) apologising for not texting back sooner even though Steve didn’t need an apology because Eddie had told him that after gig diner food was a thing.

He didn’t expect Eddie to spend any time texting him during a band tradition. Band traditions were sacred.

“But… but it’s so—”

“Me. It’s me. It’s so very me. So I’m going to have this date, as me. Not in costume like last night, I’m going as me, and… and he’s going to like it… he’s going to like it, right?” Somewhere during that tiny ramble, Robin’s eyes softened, all her hard edges wearing away like rocks beaten by the sea.

“… Yeah Stevie, you look perfect, he’s gonna love it. An if he doesn’t, well… I’ll beat him up.” She’d seen him, she could take him.

“Haha, I don’t think your date will approve of that, she’s like… his best friend or something, so you gotta be nice to him.”

“Hey, bros before hoes, Steve, that’s the rule. He fucks it up? Imma shove that wet rat back in the sewer where he belongs, my poor love life be damned.”

He loved Robin. With everything he had. He loved her. She was like the sister he’d never had, a twin separated at birth.

She came to him when he had no-one, when he was circling the drain about to slip, it’d been such a crazy happenstance meeting her, she wasn’t rich. She didn’t come from some crazy rich family. She came from a small town in rural Indiana, she didn’t have siblings, her parents were ex-hippies for crying out loud.

She was just, Robin. And she’d been there by a single stroke of luck, she’d been there. Passing by the club he’d been in at the time, she’d caught him as he’d stumbled out, bleary eyed and confused having taken something… of which he had no idea. Tommy Hagan, a budding actor running on his parents coattails, had given it to him, said it’d loosen him up.

Then… well, the exact details were a little blurry, but he remembered pushing someone’s handsy hands away from him and stumbling out of the club directly into Robin.

She’d gotten him a cab, taken him home and made sure he was okay. She’d stayed with him, all night. She hadn’t had to, she didn’t know him, he didn’t know her, hell, she could have taken photo after photo and sold them to whoever paid the most, she’d have made thousands, millions to the right magazines, but she’d stayed with him all night instead, then made him breakfast the morning after.

A greasy fry up thing that settled his stomach right down.

She’d introduced herself, being a stranger in his kitchen, and explained what’d happened, awkwardly rambling about how she’d called her parents to ask about symptoms and what to do cause they’d know, and that she’d taken care of him, so he didn’t wind up hurting himself, she’d even hurriedly shown him her phone, scrolling through photos he never asked to see just to prove that she hadn’t taken anything of him.

Half a week later he was inviting her to a charity gala thing he’d been invited to, then to an awards show, then to a dinner thing where she’d awkwardly come out to him on the bathroom floor panicking over how she thought he was interested in her with how much he wanted her around, and while yes, maybe he’d had a small crush on her to begin with, it very quickly, very easily evolved into something else as she explained.

Then, event after event as Steve shed the weight of his horribly unhealthy ‘friends’, they became a package deal, Steve, and Robin, where one went, the other wouldn’t be far behind.

And she wouldn’t let anyone hurt him again. Especially not some jumped up little music snob who could only get gigs in dive bars.

“C’mere Robbie” Steve pulled her in, even as she hissed her complaints, citing her outfit, her hair, he knew by the way she reciprocated that hug that she was just complaining for the sake of it “love you”

“Love you too dingus. Now… are you going with contacts or glasses?”

He chose glasses, he ran a hand through his hair a few times, shooed Robin off for her own date, something she had no input on because Chrissy had insisted on taking her to ‘see the city’ properly, giving Steve just enough time to put the finishing touches on dinner. A simple chicken and bacon creamy pasta dish, nothing too heavy and the ingredients were easy to find.

The only concern he’d had was whether or not Eddie ate meat, and a quick text to Chrissy answered that question.

The door buzzer signalled the end of his internal countdown. Eddie responded to his simple “hello?” with a funny little

“Metalhead delivery for Mr Superstar~!” That Steve couldn’t help but giggle at, still smiling when Eddie eventually made it to the door, and when his eyes lit up when that door opened, big, beautiful browns falling on his sweater vest, a big, dimpled grin blossoming on his lips and his voice, full of glee announcing “Sweater vest for Eddie!” Steve knew he was a goner.

He was done for. He’d fallen for a silly metalhead and he didn't want to get up.

Part 15

[maximuswolf]

I'm not into contemporary pop music and it makes me feel bad

I'm not into contemporary pop music and it makes me feel bad I'm a musician myself. Super super passionate about music, the air I breathe, etc. My favorite music ranges from classic rock/pop to punk to jazz, folk, avant garde classical, early hip hop...I just really don't enjoy the sound of contemporary pop. I use that term broadly; to me, it can span from Taylor Swift to Charli XCX to trap to Bladee or 100 Gecs. All of these things, though extremely varied, still basically represent a sound and sensibility that I really dislike and can't identify with at all. And I know I'm far from the first person to say "pop bad" or what have you, but in my social circles (20 something hipsters who went to college, for better or worse) I really do feel like the odd one out. I feel like the whole Pitchfork "poptimism" phenomenon of intellectualizing and elevating some of these artists above all else has shifted the dialogue majorly among people who are more than just surface level music listeners, and I can see the merit in that. No one should be scorned for loving Taylor Swift if that is truly what they love, and I don't necessarily feel that this music is intellectually empty or devoid of meaning or any of that. I just don't like it, and it bums me out that people would rather listen to it than my favorite shit. It feels like even people who will admit they enjoy, say, Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys, or Out To Lunch by Eric Dolphy, or I don't know, Pavement, stil hold all of those things in lower esteem than something like Chappell Roan. Why? I don't understand. Is it because she's new and that music is older and people feel social pressure to appear "with it"? It pisses me off and makes me feel truly alienated and like there's really something I'm not getting. There seems to be this connotation--and maybe this is just imagined--that I am unsophisticated for not enjoying this music. It's just an air I catch from people a lot and it sucks.I'm not here to shittalk any of this music or make some big argument about it being inferior; it should go without saying that people like what they like and there's no accounting for that, but because I am so passionate about music and love to share my passion with others, it definitely has an effect on me. I just can't fuck with this stuff. Believe me, I've tried. I guess I'm posting to see if anyone has similar experiences they could relate, or theories about this sort of sea change where top 40 (and beyond, because I know it's not all literally top 40) is seen as superior to other kinds of music. Idk, I'm sure people will say nasty stuff to me about how I'm pretentious, a snob, etc. but that's really not where I'm coming from, or at least not where I'm trying to come from. Just a frustrated music obsessive and musician. Submitted July 02, 2024 at 09:21PM by Suspicious_Pipe778 https://ift.tt/m1wAuZE via /r/Music

[dramatisperscnae]

Headcanon - Odysseus

Age and Appearance

Odysseus looks to be anywhere from his mid 30s to early 50s; it depends on how hard he’s trying to hide the grey on any given day.

He stands 6’5” with a toned, warrior’s build, weighing in at 220lbs, all of it muscle.

He’s not picky about clothing color; clothing material is a different story – he’s an absolute fabric snob; his favorites are linen and silk – but he’ll wear just about any color under the sun.

Being a man of action and adventure – and also a man who just hates spending all day stuck indoors – Odysseus’s olive skin maintains a nice tan just about all year round.

His eyes are a dark brown, and often sparkle with quiet mirth or mischief.

His hair is curly and generally in some stage of shaggy, though he seldom lets it get longer than his shoulders before he cuts it off.

Personality

Odysseus is a clever man. Occasionally too clever for his own good, and he knows it. That doesn’t stop him trying to out-clever people whenever he gets a chance; the man is an absolute insufferable smartass half the time.

That being said, he can be an incredible diplomat when he needs to be. Smart remarks and sneaky schemes don’t run a kingdom all on their own, after all.

If he likes you, you’ll know it. If he doesn’t like you, you will also know it. As subtle as the man can be, he’s also often not that subtle at all.

When he loves someone, it is with his whole entire heart. Odysseus does nothing by halves.

Odysseus is a master strategist and tactician, which stood him and the Greeks in very good stead during the Trojan war.

He is a prideful little shit – why else would he have grandstanded and told Polyphemus his name? - but he does not necessarily need recognition 100% of the time. If someone else is a better fit for a mission, then that is who he will send on that mission. See above note about master tactician.

Physical violence is almost never going to be his first choice to settle any given issue; he prefers finding ways around that, talking circles around his opponents, and/or just plain cheating and trickery if necessary.

That said, Odysseus will never shy away from a fight. Especially if he feels it’s necessary. And if he does feel it’s necessary, he’s not going to hold back. He will take the most efficient way to end the fight, and if that’s his opponent’s death then so be it.

Miscellaneous

Odysseus is pan as hell. Everyone is pretty, why be picky about it?

Given how long he’s lived, Odysseus is absolutely not short on money. He was a king, for fuck’s sake, he started out loaded and he’s just been slowly adding to over the centuries. He likes his comforts, thanks.

He is very leery of ever stepping foot back on a ship. Poseidon might still hold a grudge and he’d just as soon not be lost at sea for another ten years thanks. This is extremely unfortunate given Ithaca is an island.

He still owns Ithaca, or at least most of it; as the world changed over the years Odysseus just made sure he officially bought the land he once ruled over. Sure it’s technically part of the nation of Greece now; it’s still his, godsdammit.

He is an incredible archer; the bow is his preferred weapon, and no one can string – let alone draw – his personal bow except him. The draw strength is just too great.

As far as this blog is concerned, Penelope is the mortal guise of Athena, goddess of wisdom. She liked this clever, prideful little shit so much she married him and then granted him functional immortality after Penelope ���died’. No, he does not know this, and she sure as hell ain’t telling.

He hates the name Ulysses. A weird quirk, but there you are.

[tetsunabouquet]

It really is difficult to be an traditional artist in a more digital artist space sometimes. Like so many don't know a fuck about facial proportions, I even spot artists I actually like praise something about being art goals whilst as an illustrator I am like, 'This shouldn't be something you'd strive for! Look at the lips, they are far too big! Lips generally fall perfectly in between the space of one's eyes, regardless of wether they are as full and fake as a drag queens! At best you will be able to draw a straight line from the corners of the mouth to the white of the eyes, lips never are that big that you can draw a vertical line from the corner of the mouth to the iris! Her tits are sagging like a 40 year old woman's too despite the rest of her being drawn like a young woman, it just fails at anatomical levels! Its one thing to enhance facial features to abnormal proportions because you want to give off a certain vibe or aesthetic like my most recent horror painting Vrijheid where I purposefully made the mouth similarly large so the grin itself looks more unhinged and creepy, its entirely a different thing when you draw mouths like that and think that is how they should be drawn.' I swear, graduating illustration is turning me into such an art snob, which in a sea of actually artistically untrained digital artists is a constant test of, 'Honey, just don't look at it. It will go away when someone makes a stupid meme post. Don't be mean, I repeat, don't go in the comment section and be that critical bitch. Look there's an unfinished painting to your right, and its not like your artistic journey is over yet either missy!' And then I just sigh and grab my own acryllic flasks, to console myself with how traditional art values seem to be dying.

[mrsbsmooth]

sis you remember the ask bout my friend telling my "crush" bout me? well my friend met up with her and I replied to her story "is your bestie single?" she replied yes and I was like "do I have a chance or nah?" she snobbed me for like 50 minutes while they were together still and then replied "she has sth going on with another girl but idk" HOW DO U NOT KNOW. YOU'RE HER BEST FRIEND. confidence fucked me up

Aw baby it sounds like it might be a no, but that could be for a bajillion reasons. Sometimes they’re not looking for a relationship, sometimes they have a very particular type, or maybe your friend just doesn’t want the awkwardness of two of their friends dating when there’s a potential for it going wrong.

Every relationship either ends in “forever or a breakup”, it’s the natural order of things, so it’s best to not be too upset when things end before they even begin. It doesn’t say anything about you as a person. All you can do is not get hung up on it.

Plenty of fish in the sea, and you never know, maybe this fish had a bone you would’ve choked on. Trust the universe, it’ll get you where you need to be 🩵

(That said you never know what can happen. If you ever did meet her in person and you chatted to her and like her vibe, shoot your shot! 🥰)

[hurlumerlu]

don’t look i’m being a snob but if you put The Starless Sea in your list of fucked up books you clearly aren’t reading fucked up books