#fuck stunt dogs
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How long has it been since Louis and Harry were last seen in the same place at the same time?
Two thousand, five hundred (that’s 2,500!) days
#larry stylinson#it's literally ending#it's larrie year#fuck babygate#end it#*** **#bg#babygate#fuck timeandspacegate#fuck stunt dogs#larry being loud in 2023#fuck sevenyearold gate
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i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh
#had a clean up service come by to see the damage and give a quote on the estimate and my grandma wasnt having it#she got upset and started crying to them about she has only 1 daughter and is trying to help her and they're trying to tell her that keepin#all that junk isn't gonna be helping anyone especially my mom but she wasn't getting it and i said i'm not helping clean the junk that's#all around the house cuz i'm tired of it all and having to manage my emotions since i am for sure emtotionally stunted from my childhood#and have to deal with a schitzophrenic mom and an absent sister who's balls deep in denial while i'm struggling to find a job here#and my grandma always stressing me ot saying she's gonna kick me out isn't fucking helping here at all like she thinks it does#so when they left she spent all day sobbing on the phone how i'm a terrible granddaughter who wants to throw out good stuff#when i'm not gonna keep helping sell shit for my mom cuz my sister can do it as her family contribution since she did nothing since dad die#and the thing is i gave them all options on clearing shit out cuz i know this family by now and shit doesn't get tossed but it migrates#cuz i said months ago i can ask some friends if they could come down and help sort and declutter#grandma said no to that and said she'll kick me out if i do it and she didn't want to pay for my mom's shit to get moved into a storage uni#she leaves the clean up to my mom and i think the backyard got worse but she didn't call anyone to throw out the junk like she threatened t#so i call a fucking hoarders clean up service cuz that's what my family is on my mom's side at this point and the city will be called too#and she has this reaction cries all day and calls everyone to say i'm horrible and yells at me saying i'm the one killing her with stress#when she's already been doing that for months to herself when i'm just tired and possibly mildly depressed or something idk#i barely leave my room and don't go outside except to walk my dog but idk cuz my family's attittude was we don't go to doctors cuz#cuz they're for crazy people but of course it's gotta switch up for my mom and no one else and i'm just sick of it all#grandma doesn't accept free help and she won't accept help that i pay for myself with my money set aside for school so i'm done#unlike her when i say i'll do something i stick to it so i'm not doing shit anymore unless i can call a friend to help with this mess#it's gonna sound like such a horrible thing but i can't wait for my family to die so i can live in a clean home again and get help#like deep serious help cleaning and big time grief councelling cuz i barely had time to process my dad's death and being the one to find hi#and that was just this february like god i am going to need so much fucking therapy in my future it's almost rediculous#and probably say screw my mom's side and visit my dad's side a lot more since they seem to be the normal ones in this shit family tree#at least they're not stupid and leave junk everywhere where one neighbour getting sick of not being able to sit outside and enjoy their yar#without mountains of junk staring them right in the face and landing a notice from the city to clean up especially since#we have chainlink fences and at least 7 neighbours can see the backyard and everyone can see the front porch when passing by#i'm just tired of living in these suffocating households and even wanna file a report myself to kick them into gear#its horrible living like this and no one should live surrounded by junk and things they never use or even garbage
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Me, trying to figure out Fyodor's fucking ability:
It's gotta be that like when someone commits the "crime" of fatally injuring him, that they are transferred the injury and position of Fyodor to themselves in "punishment."
But even with Dazai going on about how the "touch to kill" thing was a ruse, I mean that theory makes sense for the guards but I don't know if I buy that for when he killed Karma???? Am I remembering that wrong???
#bsd spoilers#bungo stray dogs spoilers#bungo stray dogs#I don't know dude I don't fucking keep track of shit in this bullshit manga#I just live my life fucking confused#but like if he had the means to pull off the blood bullet stunt with Karma during that whole thing#why would he not have done that with Ace instead of spending all that time manipulating Ace into hanging himself???#because I don't really remember him getting any info from Ace that he didn't like...already fucking have anyway
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stupid idiot pissbaby likes being in the trunk only if I'm not on the goddamn autobahn. literally the second i got on it he went "hmmm parkour" and climbed up into the backseat you stupid idiot.
#thats so fucking scary#heeho my fucking huge ass 25 kg dog is just wandering around the fucking car while i go 140 km/h and have limited possibilities of just#pulling over somewhere as if hes determined to kill us all jesus i hate him#(i love him but that was a traumatic incident aktually)#its not an issue when we're not on the autobahn?? he has never attempted a stunt like that before#for context#this was the first time of me driving in my tiny car on the autobahn with him in it usually their both in a cage but that doesn't fit in my#car because its big and my car is not especially not the trunk#anyway. *drives onto autobahn just to immediately take the next exit because i need a place to secure the maniac dog climbing around in my#fucking car*#vosqui.txt
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unparalleled levels of insanity coursing through my veins. i am trembling i am sweating i feel like i'm going to explode. going absolutely crazy
and i'm just watching buck begins. i'm just watching an episode of 9-1-1 like-
help???
#goddamn HIMBOS#these goddamn fucking secretly insecure playboy self-sacrificial dumbass golden retriever himbos#all he wants is to be sEEN#i'm#quite literally not okay#i see oliver starks stupid little puppy dog face when i close my eyes#i'm so insane about all his stupid stunts going back to his childhood#the motorbike???#i'm crazy#evan buck buckley#evan buckley#911
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not me giving into the autistic trauma-ridden call that is Bluey
#bluey#fuck..... the autistics were right this show fucks#*disclaimer i am also an Autism#LISTEN I CAN EXPLAIN#its a cute emotionally-mature show for kids and it makes me happy bc they treat kids with respect and not like idiots#and thats important bc then u dont get fuckers like me growing up emotionally stunted and riddled with insecurities#BUT ALSO every single adult watching this show 1000% had bad childhoods/trauma. thats literally it. thats the audience#its all just one giant clusterfuck of catharsis and its what the people need!!!#i cant afford therapy the tiny blue australian dog is all i have!!!#......also not to be too Cringe On Main™ but...... i fuckin love jack and mackenzie theyre my favorites 🥺#i love these little mentally ill dogs so much ill take a bullet for them
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I love my dog so much but sweet jesus he can be an annoying prick sometimes
#like yeah i get it being a lockdown puppy stunted your social development#but youre nearly 4 years old now why do you still get so mad at men for coming to visit#long story short my boyfriend is sleeping over and my dog is ridiculously protective over me#and he gets upset and whines when we're upstairs and he has to be downstairs#and we're just trying to sleep and he wont shut the fuck up#personal#idk how we'd solve it its such a weirdly unique issue
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Fuuuuck just remembered that the majority of the dogs boarding this weekend are going home. The kennels in the back r packed. I fucking hate busy weekends.
#ramblings#i was there til fuckn 10:30am this morning cuz even tho the fence is fixed and i dont have to leash walk the dogs theres so fucking many#i have to let out and give time to actually potty. 😕#have already accepted that there r gonna be too many kennels and dishes for me to be able to get them ALL done tonight if im to be out by#like. 7:30pm. hell 8:00 even. everyone wish my anxious and socially stunted ass gl with tonight
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#i just came on to set up my queue and ofc people are still talking about the tatt#but goddamn some of these takes are really showcasing how weirdly parasocial your relationship is with h#acting like this was a personal slight towards you? and that you need to process forgiving him??#while at the same time acknowledging you don’t know the true intent / story behind the tattoo ??#like can we all just say we don’t truly know what it is and move on#cats italian dogs cities stunt hags etc it looks like a stunt piece with the timing#but regardless. taking whatever it is as a personal slight to you? be fucking fr like come on#i stand on the side of it being a stunt thing and if it is a stunt thing it’s passed#but in this case you being so personally offended by another piece of someone else’s closeting……. go outside#and even if it’s a cat a town etc it’s still not about you or for you etc etc#it’s not about you#using myself as an example here but the mob mentality on this is so real rn like one person gets upset about it and it spreads like#wildfire. some of the most rational people ik who’ve been around for ages were LOSING it yesterday#myself included! i got caught up in it and it put me in a terrible mood all day#this is why we shouldn’t be so quick to act analyze etc when shit like this happens#ik it’s hard not to like trust me I KNOW but especially if shit like that gets to you so hard: stay out of it#next time i’m forcing myself offline#aaaand i need to find better tags for blocking stunts and speculation and that specific genre of discourse#anyway. now going back to my semi hiatus for vacation prep and getting work done#be well friends x#alex talks
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How long has it been since Harry and Louis were last seen in the same place at the same time?
Six Years. (that’s 2,192 days)
#larry stylinson#larry being loud in 2022#it's literally ending#it's larrie year#fuck babygate#end it#*** **#bg#babygate#fuck sixyearoldgate#fuck timeandspacegate#fuck stunt dogs
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i know everyone and their dog has talked about this but why the fuck has katsuki let izuku call him kacchan to this day. like. can we talk about that. even before they got to where they are now in canon. he never stopped him from calling him that. he never once stopped him. while he's like actively bullying izuku he doesn't once tell him to stop calling him kacchan. like obviously now he's never gonna tell him to stop considering the "i'm kacchan bakugou" stunt he pulled on live television while bleeding out the heart. but like. in earlier chapters. he never stopped him. there's so much behind that fact but my brain just bluescreens when i think about it too hard.
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johnny likes when you ignore him, but he likes the clutch and pulse of an interested pussy even better. he's a best of both worlds type of man which is why he's been stuck on his phone more often of late, constantly on the search for the funniest memes and videos to send you. he's terminal, devolved into one of those people who only speaks in internet references in real life as a side effect, he and gaz always driving the captain up the wall with their incomprehensible chatter. he blows up your phone with his finds when you're at work, unable to check.
too busy for him even then, as you should be.
you wait until you get home, collapsing on the couch in a huff as you scroll through your own feeds first, catching up on what your friends have been up to and the latest news. it's enough to get his dick hard, only getting worse the more you pretend not to hear the schlick schlick of his leaky head moving through his fist.
he knows when you get to his messages because you always roll your eyes as you open them, as if you're doing him a favor. (you may as well be ringing his dinner bell.) and the way you let him manhandle you without squawking about it, letting him unwrap your pretty pussy without so much as a glance in his direction. you twitch when his precum drools on your engorged clit, the only reaction he ever earns - aside from the giggles he earns when he's balls deep inside of you, your walls clenching around him as your breath bubbles out of you erratically.
there's no rhythm to it, no way for him to pace himself against you. he can slip out of you cunt unimpeded just to fuck up against a tight wall of muscle a moment later, bullying through your vice-like grip and staying, cock squeezed so hard he thinks if he tries to pull out you'll take it with you.
and there's part of him that likes how he's not even the one making you laugh. sure he sent them, but it's not him who has you breathless, not his cock that's making your walls pulse. his little stunt doesn't even work the same when it's him prattling on in your messages about amusing anecdotes about the boys.
and when you show him your phone, so caught up in the funny dog video that's it like you've forgotten he's inside you, johnny cums so hard he thinks his vision whites out, locked so deep inside by the bruising grip of your cunt he's vaguely shocked he could cum at all, what with the ring you've got around his base.
banner by @/adornedwithlight
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HELLOOO idk if ur requests are on rn so take ur time with this request and get to it at ur own time but i was wondering if u could make a short one shot fic abt reader who is in a relationship with katsuki and is at home while he's out in patrol and she sees his location with life 360 and sees that he's beside some sort of restaurant or supermarket so she texts him smth like
i see ur beside the ramen place i like can u buy dinner tonight 😊
AND THEN KATSUKI IS JUST 🤬🤬🤬 WTF HOW DO U KNOW WHERE I AM ARE U OUTSIDE RN
all lighthearted and funny :))
THANK UUU SO MUCHH 💞💞
LMFAOOOO thjs js so funny😭😭😭 tysm for this ask i hope i did it some justice :33 hope you’re still stickin around to read it anon ! Short lil drabble, much luv xx
“since you’re by that ramen place i like you can get some for dinner 💋💕”
“ ? what the fuck”
“?? where are you.”
“?”
before you can send another text message, your phone lights up with your boyfriend’s caller id, you giggle.
“hi, baby.”
“where the fuck are you at ?”
you snort, readjusting on your sofa “what are you talking about ?” you ask teasingly.
you catch the sound of people talking as you hear katsuki grumbling to himself “i don’t see you.”
you giggle, kicking your legs a little “and why would you need to see me ?”
katsuki groans, already exasperated and growing more and more impatient, you’re surprised he hasn’t started cursing your entire bloodline yet “quit it with that mysterious bullshit, how do you know where i’m at.”
and just to mess with him, you respond “i see you.”
it’s quiet on his end for a moment, aside from the chatter on the street “yn. i’ll fucking kill you.” you throw your head back and laugh “once i find you, you’re done for. your ass is grass.”
“i like it when you talk dirty to me.” you joke, he scoffs hard on the other end “freak.” you hear him mumble, you giggle some more.
“i’m at home, just saw your location and decided to ask you to get me some food.”
“get you some food.” he bites, scoffing in disbelief.
“us, get us some food. pretty please, suki ?” you use your sweetest voice, maybe he might even be able to imagine your puppy dog eyes through the phone.
he laughs sarcastically “right. what makes you think you deserve to get anything after that little stunt you pulled, huh ?”
you pout, whining so he knows you are “i was just kidding, was jus’ a little jokey-joke.” you can’t help but tease him a bit more.
“yeah, my ass.” you snort loudly, laughing and the huff he lets out clearly lets you know he’s not amused, you can see him rolling his eyes at your antics.
“we’ll see.” is the answer he graces you with. you squeal, cus you know that means you won. katsuki is quick to remind you he didn’t say yes, but you already know his mind’s been made.
“i’m surprised you didn’t ask me why i have your location on my phone.” you hum.
katsuki sounds utterly confused by your question when he responds “why would i give a shit about that ? s’not like i get somethin’ to hide. don’t care if you know where i’m at.” he responds simply.
“sides, i know how obsessed you are with me, so—”
“i’m hanging up now, katsuki. get me my ramen. toodles.” your bitter tone makes him laugh, and just to piss you off some more he adds in a honeyed sweet “see you later, babe. love ya.” before he hangs up. you huff shaking your head. a text pings and you swipe up to check it, it’s from katsuki again.
“i’m not getting you shit btw.”
he does indeed come back with ramen.
#this was so funny to me omg#cash has been busy w school sorry for leaving yall :<#tysm anon !!#bakugou katsuki x reader#katsuki bakugou x reader#bakugo fluff#bakugou imagine#bakugou x reader#katsuki x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugo x reader#katsuki bakugou x you#bakugo katsuki x reader#katsuki fluff#katsuki x y/n#katsuki x you#katsuki bakugou x female reader#bakugou x you#bakugou x y/n#bakugou x fem!reader#katsuki bakugo x female reader#katsuki bakugo x you#not proofread but will fix later !!#its a short lil thing tho !
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Admin looking for love! - c.sainz
Day 17 of fic-tober! fic-tober masterlist
summary: Why did Alex Albon feel the need to post you on his story as a ‘lonely woman looking for love’? And why did Carlos Sainz dm you after it?
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alexalbon
liked by carlossainz, williamsracing, reallyy/n, and 2,398,234 others
alexalbon: Are you a Monaco man looking for love? Look no further! Presenting Y/n Y/l/n, a lonely woman looking for love! She's a williams marketing manager (and also my assistant sometimes!), she drives a motorbike, and she's super mean but sometimes really nice! (Real enquiries only, don't be a creep please :) @/really/n
user63: I know Y/n is LIVID rn.
reallyy/n: alex albon, I will kill you with my bare hands don't pull this shit with me right now.
lilymhe: DOG HOUSE -> alexablon: COME ON I'M TRYING TO HELP HER -> reallyy/n: Alex start running. -> alexalbon: you're literally in england right now -> reallyy/n: boarding my plane to monaco. -> alexalbon: FUCK.
oscarpiastri: when do we get you back to the psych ward @/alexalbon ? -> landonorris: Don't make fun of your elders, at least let him leave instagram with a little bit of dignity.
georgerussell: Mate, take it down already she's going to hurt you -> alexalbon: I don't know how, she usually does my social media :(
zhouguanyo: awful choice, I posted her once and she took away all internet devices and made me think about what I'd done for 4 hours (aka staring at a wall for 4 hours). -> alexalbon: YIKES Y/N I'M SORRY PLZ
user46: she's so pretty
user97: QUEEN Y/N
user56: thank you alex for these CRUMBS of y/n please make her get on the podium if williams stops fucking around
user267: SHE'S GORGEOUS WTF liked by carlos sainz
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f1gossip
liked by pierregasly, and 567,038 others
f1gossip: Williams CMO (chief marketing officer) Y/n Y/l/n was auctioned off today by none other than Alex Albon. In an instagram post he said: Are you a Monaco man looking for love? Look no further! Presenting Y/n Y/l/n, a lonely woman looking for love! She's a williams marketing manager, she drives a motorbike, and she's super mean but sometimes really nice! (Real enquiries only, don't be a creep please :)
user47: why is she so gorgeous she looks like a fucking WAG liked by carlossainz
user88: Is that not alex's WAG? ->user67: no she just works for williams and they're close.
user99: HOW IS SHE SO PRETTY WHAT
user75: she's such a queen
user33: If i had a face like that I'd be a model! -> user22: RIGHT? LIKE SHE'S SOOOO GORG
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You knocked on Alex's door with as much force as you could. Why the fuck would he post that? It was all over the internet- you were all over the internet. Every F1 gossip page was shipping you with some random driver, or some random f1-adjacent celebrity. You were livid, and rightfully so. He had no reason to do anything like this, to pull a stunt like that. Honestly, you could just kill him-
"Hello?" Alex grimaced as he stared at you. He knew all hell was about to break loose.
"Alexander Phillipe Albon Ansusinha," you spoke calmly, too calmly. His stomach turned. "Give me your phone."
he handed it over, no question, no hassle.
You quickly deleted the post, deleted instagram, then turned his phone off completely. From inside your bag, you handed him a nokia flip phone. "It already has everyones numbers on it. Don't fucking try to buy a new one, or else I'll freeze all of your cards. Understand?"
He nodded, accepting his fate. "Understand."
"Don't ever pull some shit like that again, alright?" you scolded.
He nodded, his head down. "I got some responses..." he mumbled after a few seconds of silence.
"Alex-!" you were completely prepared to fully scream at him, but suddenly the door behind you swung open and revealed Carlos Sainz. He looked dumbfounded by the two of you and went red. "I'm sending you for 4 weeks worth of mandatory PR training," you turned back to Alex. "I'm so sick of your shit. Between this and Franco's inability to keep it in his pants, I'll be backlogged till Christmas. Just stop causing trouble, ok?"
He smiled sheepishly. "Ok."
You turned back to Carlos. "Sorry about the noise."
He shook his head. "No, that's alright."
"Did you need something?" Alex asked.
Carlos shook his head, his eyes trained on you.
You. He'd seen you around the paddock for years. He'd watched you from afar, unaware of his growing feelings for you until they sucker-punched him in the face about 4 months ago when he was visiting the williams HQ to finish up the contract signing, and there you were in that gorgeous black dress. He couldn't even talk to you. It was embarrassing.
"Alright, well, goodbye Alex, bye Carlos," you smiled at the both of them (the smile Alex got was a bit more disingenuous than the one you gave Carlos) and off you went.
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He knew he had to do something before someone else swooped in. He knocked on Alex's door, more nervous than he thought he'd be.
"Hey Carlos-" Alex smiled.
"Is Y/n single?"
Alex smirked. "She is, yeah."
"May I have her number?"
"Yes Carlos," Alex has the smuggest smirk he'd ever seen. "Yes you may."
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It had been quite the day. You'd been catching up with friends when Carlos fucking Sainz texted you, and then you were on your way to a date with him.
What a fucking day.
You finished up you makeup just as the doorbell rang, and you smiled when you opened it. There he was, standing there with a big bunch of flowers and a goofy smile.
"Hi," you smiled. "Come in."
"Hi," he smiled back. "I got these for you."
He handed over the flowers and you grinned at him. "Thank you, that was very thoughtful."
"Pretty girls deserve pretty flowers," he shrugged.
You felt the butterflies in your stomach go crazy, and you absented yourself to put the flowers in water.
"So, what do you like to do?" He asked, coming up behind you.
"I like films, I like to ride my bike, I like reading, I like motorsport, I like a lot of things. You?"
"Well, I love motorsports, obviously, and I love golf as well," he smirked at the way you grimaced. "Not a golf fan?"
"It's just a little bit boring for me," you admitted. "I do play tennis and padel though. And I played volleyball back when I was in college."
"Well, I guess I'll just have to make you like golf," he smirked.
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reallyy/n
liked by pierregasly, carlossainz, alexalbon and 798,374 others
reallyy/n: alex albon-> part time f1 driver, full time matchmaker apparently. happy 6 months @/carlossainz (still hate golf btw)
limited comments.
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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)
fic-tober masterlist
taglist: @anotherapollokid @theseerbetweenus @simbaaas-stuff @5sospenguinqueen @yootvi
#carlos sainz x you#carlos sainz fic#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz smut#carlos sainz imagine#carlos sainz fanfic#f1 imagines#f1 one shot#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#formula one x reader#formula one fanfiction#kinktober#f1 kinktober#kinktober 2024#smut#formula 1 x you#formula one imagine#f1 fluff#formula 1#formula one#fluff#fluff-tober#f1 smau#f1 x you#formula 1 imagine#f1 x female reader
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Regrets Only.
Summary: Ari reaches his limit with your latest TikTok prank...
Warnings: Mature Themes, Smut, Ari Being A Menace, TikTok Pranks, Shenanigans, Angry!Ari, Brat!Reade, Small Chase Kink, Light Manhandling. Biting, Spanking, Bondage, Handcuffs, Overstimulation, Cursing, Minors DNI
A/N: Prompt courtesy of @jamneuromain. Part my Sweet Renegade Series. Semi-proofread, not beta'd. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!
In all the times you’ve tried, you’ve never once regretted pranking your man with something you’d seen on TikTok – until today. Yes. Believe it or not, this time you might’ve gone a bit too far.
Which is why you’re currently holed up in Ari’s fairly spacious closet, sipping on a bottle of water and munching on a granola bar while you wait for the bounty hunter to calm down. You lean back with a sigh, only to wince when you feel a shoe digging into your side.
You make quick work of tossing it to the other side of the room before returning to the treat in your hand. But just as you go to take another bite, you hear something that makes your stomach sink - even as your pulse spikes.
And it lets you know that you are well and truly fucked.
Earlier That Day (Roughly Twenty-Seven Minutes Ago)
After a solid ten minutes of vigorous stretching, you bend down to check the laces on your tennis shoes. Once they’re secure, you quietly make your way to the kitchen to retrieve the items you needed for your latest prank. The one you planned to play on your favorite unsuspecting bounty hunter, who was blissfully snoring away on a couch in the living room.
Now, this particular one just so happened to be a little…bolder than either of your previous stunts. It required more courage, coupled with a dash of bravery, and a well thought out Plan B in the event things went south.
You open the refrigerator and pull out the pack of hot dogs you’d bought during your last trip from the grocery store. While you’d originally told Ari that you wanted him to put them on the grill, he had no way of knowing that they would also be used to torture him. Common sense told you that you’d be better off keeping that tiny piece of information to yourself.
Stifling a mischievous giggle, you extract one singular frankfurter from the package before resealing it and putting it away. Next, you move to your utility drawer to gleefully swipe a pair of scissors.
This was the entire plan. You were going to quietly tuck a hot dog in your man’s zipper, and then wake him up so he could watch you snip it in half with a pair of scissors. In all the videos you watched – and you’d watched a number of them – every bleary eyed victim panicked as if you’d just cut off their actual dick.
And therein lay the prank.
The clips had left you in stitches for hours. So much so that Ari had noticed how much fun you were having, only to roll his eyes when you revealed that you were scrolling through his least favorite app on your phone.
Fucking TikTok.
He hated it. You loved it. Frankly, the only reason he even tolerated you telling him about the things you’d seen is because he could tell it brought you joy.
Excitement buzzes through you as you tiptoe into the living room. You’re grateful to see that Ari is still sleeping, snoring soundly with one impressively muscled arm tucked behind his head.
With gentle hands, you dutifully undo the zipper of his Levi’s before carefully inserting the hot dog. Since you don’t want to mess this up, you make sure to go slow, taking your time. You just knew this prank was going to be epic.
Once that’s done, you briefly take a second to wipe your hands on your leggings before taking a deep breath. Well, it was now or never. Go big or go home, as they say.
Leaning down, you grab Ari by the shoulder, attempting to jostle him awake. It takes a couple tries, but he does eventually open his eyes.
“Whaa–?” A grin breaks out across his handsome features as he emerges from his sleepy haze. “Hey, baby.”
“Hiya, Beast.” You offer him what you hope looks like your most unhinged smile and the reveal the pair of scissors that, up until now, you’d kept hidden behind your back. “How’s about I take a little off the top?” You sing, brandishing the shears.
“The hell?” His confused blue eyes go wide as they follow the path of the scissors. Shock overcomes him as he watches, in what feels like slow motion, as you cut off a sizable portion of the frank.
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” He roars, grabbing himself as he scrambles off the couch and onto the floor before proceeding to do the funniest, most awkward backwards crab walk you’ve ever seen in your life.
You double over with laughter as Ari struggles to come to grips with the fact that you definitely did not just make him the next John Bobbitt your Lorena. He’s breathing hard as he rips the hot dog out of his zipper, holding it up to the light.
“Oh my God, that was amazing!” You wheeze.
“The hell is wrong with you?!” He tosses the damned thing across the room before covering his face with his hands as he wills himself to calm down. “Have you lost your fuckin’ mind?”
Wiping tears from your eyes, you decide to put the bounty hunter out of his misery by whispering his least favorite phrase: “It was a prank!” A renewed wave of laughter hits you when you recall just how gobsmacked he’d been by the whole ordeal. God, your sides hurt something fierce.
“Just what in the ever loving fuck would make you think that was funny?” Ari growls low in his throat as he finally sits up. And the look he’s giving you now…
It’s hot enough to burn right through you. And not in a sexy way.
“That’s just the magic of TikTok, I guess.” Your smile wanes as you watch your severely irritated boyfriend slowly climb to his feet. “I mean, you should’ve seen your face when–”
“When what?” Comes his quiet rumble, the sound reverberating deep in his chest. “When I thought you cut my dick off just now? Is that–is that what you’re laughing about?” The smile he offers you looks a little less than friendly.
“Um yeah. I’d say so.”
Instinct, as well as the need for self-preservation, has you taking a cautious step backwards. You were prepared to run if you had to. It was the whole reason why you’d stretched in the first place.
“Oh yeah?” Ari scrubs a palm over his ticking jaw. “Is that so?”
Instead of responding you decide to simply nod. Oh, and take another step backwards, of course.
“I’m sure that if you’d maybe stop and think about it –”
“Why don’t you c’mere so I can show you just how much I appreciate your so-called sense of humor?” He motions you forward, opening up his waiting arms.
But you know better.
“I, uh…” You hedge, bracing your hands in front of you. “Can see you might need some more time to appreciate the joke. So I’m just gonna…um…” You blow out a breath. “Give you some space so you can – eeeep!”
An incensed Ari picks that moment to strike - lunging at you with a speed that belies his size. Thank goodness you’re prepared. Ducking under his arms, you spin around and make a mad dash for the stairs. Squealing, you take them two at a time, hoping to make it to your sanctuary before he can get his hands on you.
“Get your ass back here, Bird!”
No way, pal!
Heart pumping, you grab the doorframe and all but slingshot yourself into Ari’s bedroom, slamming the door behind you. While it would only buy you a couple of seconds, that was really all you needed.
You dive headlong into a nearby closet before swiftly closing the door and hitting the lock. As your chest heaves, you decide to take a seat on the floor before reaching for the bottle of water you’d previously planted in your hiding spot.
After guzzling almost half, you replace the cap. You knew you ought to conserve your rations. Just in case you were stuck here for a while.
“I’m not on your shit today, baby. Okay? Today your man’s got time!” Ari bellows seconds later. “So, if I were you, I’d come on out now!”
Shaking your head, you vow to stay silent. So you say nothing, even when he tries the knob on the door that separates him from you.
“Open up, sweetheart!”
Again you say nothing, in favor of unwrapping one of your favorite granola bars. They were the chewy kind, the ones that tasted more like dessert than they did something healthy.
“I’ll come out when you calm down!” You finally yell back after you chew and swallow. “Fucking Beast.” You grumble under your breath.
“Oh, I’m more than calm.” The weight of his sardonic chuckle is not lost on you. “Why don’t you come on out and see?” You can’t help but jump when one of his fists pounds on the door. “I swear…I just wanna talk.”
“I don’t believe you!”
“You’re gonna open this door, darlin’.”
“No, I’m not!” You hiss, throwing one of his shoes at the wall for good measure.
“Yes, you are.” Ari hits back. “Now, you can either come out on your own, or…”
“Or else what?”
“Or, I’ll come in there and get you. And trust me, little Bird…that’s the last thing you want.”
“Yeah?” You spit, meanwhile inwardly lamenting your man’s lack of a sense of humor for the umpteenth time. “Well…” You take another bite of your granola bar. “I’d like to see you try.”
Famous last words.
Ari whistles low, making you shiver. “Wait right there, baby. I’ll see you in a minute.”
You let out a sigh of relief once you get the sense that you’re finally alone. As funny as it all had seemed initially, you were quickly coming to regret this particular prank. The longer you sat in this closet, the more you began to honestly examine – and then reexamine – your life choices.
Perhaps it was time to give your newfound love of pranking your bounty hunter a break. Lips pursed in thought, you allow yourself another bite of your chewy bar. Only to frown when you hear a very familiar sound that fills you with instant regret.
Apparently Ari had returned. And he’d brought his power drill. Fuck!
Your mouth goes dry as the sound grows louder. And then you’re forced to watch in horror as your man makes fast work of literally removing the closet door from its hinges. It was the last thing you ever expected your normally rather patient and understanding boyfriend to do.
“There’s my girl.” Ari’s dangerous purr comes as he picks up the now useless slab or wood and sets it aside like it weighs almost nothing. “C’mon out of there so we can talk.”
When you don’t move, your bounty hunter decides to come get you. He hauls you out by your wrist, making sure not to bruise you in the process.
“Beast, don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic? I mean – ooh!” You scoff, only to rise on your toes when his free hand comes down on your vulnerable ass. Hard.
“Ow!”
“Let me make something very clear here, darlin’.” He leads you over to the bed before sitting down and then pulling you over his knee. “You want to waste time messin’ around on that stupid app you love so much? Fine.” Ari slaps your rump again, forcing you to bury your face in the covers to keep from crying out.
“But where I’m gonna draw the line right now is you testin’ ‘em out on me. Unless you’re in that kitchen whipping up a new recipe I am not to be your guinea pig. You get me?”
His heavy palm comes down hard again when you don’t respond. This time he takes a moment to massage your cotton covered backside. “Do. You. Get. Me.” Each word is peppered by a solid smack.
“Yes!” You wail, although it comes out slightly muffled.
Still not satisfied, Ari goes to grip the waistband of your leggings, dragging them down to your ankles, complete with your simple, white cotton panties. “This could’ve been a relaxing Sunday for us, little Bird. Just mindin’ our own business.” You can’t help but shiver when you feel him fondle your upturned ass, molding and massaging your burning cheeks. “But you just had to go and be a brat, didn’t you?”
“I–I’m sorry!”
It was too little, too late. And you both knew it.
“Oh now, you’re sorry.” He mocks before raining down a fury of perfectly-timed smacks. “I love you, baby. I do. But I also know you. You’re not really sorry – at least not yet.”
Ari eases out from beneath you, all the while demanding that you remain face down with your reddened ass pushed up in the air so that he can enjoy the view while he prepares the next part of your punishment. And you had best believe you feel his sharp teeth sink into the left globe of your ass before he goes.
Consider it a parting gift.
One Hour Later…
And that’s how you found yourself handcuffed to the bed, courtesy of the signature purple, butter leather cuffs he’d had made for you. Unfortunately for you, you’d learned that he’d recently purchased another set…
For your ankles.
Your bounty hunter smiles as he picks up one of your vibrators – the one you’d purchased together – before applying it to your already oversensitive clit. Bucking your hips, you try to escape the torture.
With no such luck.
You desperately tug at your restraints, even as your cries fall on deaf ears. No matter how many times you promised to never play another prank on him ever again, it still wasn’t enough. Instead he’d continued to keep you bound while he worked out his anger…
By ruthlessly overstimulating your poor, sweat slicked body. No matter how many times you came, no matter how many times you threatened to scream yourself hoarse, he kept demanding more.
Because, according to Ari, since you’d taken a few years off his life, you apparently owed him as many orgasms by way of apology as you were able to give. Which meant you were going to be sore as hell tomorrow.
Which was why, in this moment, although you could feel another orgasm threatening to overtake you, you were filled with nothing but…
Regrets only.
END
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pairing ✩ — plug!connie x hyperfem!spoiled!black!reader
warnings ✩— nothing much just fluff, money, pet name daddy is used
“I SWEAR TO GOD BABY,” Connie placed your 6 week old dog back into your lap. “Keep this fucking demon away from me” Your sparkly glossed up lips pouted, petting Marshmallow. “She’s just a baby” Connie bought the dog for you because you keep talking about how much you wanted one. He got the exact breed and everything. Since then, you’ve been so attached to the fluffy animal and Connie was a little jealous.
“She ate my fucking Bapestas” Connie quickly counted the band that was sitting in his lap.
“Boy hush, it was a small little bite. Your shoes are perfectly fine” You pressed a kiss to his cheek, leaving it shiny and glittery.
“So what are we doing today?” You finally bring up your original question. Connie called you to tell you to be ready at 3.
You were dressed in a pink juicy couture tracksuit and some pink custom AF1’s Connie bought for you. His initials hanging off of your neck in shiny diamonds.
“Got a few clients today and wanted to take you with me, wanna take you shopping afterwards.” Connie spoke while keeping his focus on the 5th band that sat in his lap.
“You don’t have to, you just ordered me like $1000 worth of shoes” You loved the treatment Connie gave you but didn’t wanna take all of his money. Although Connie was willing to give you all of it and put you on his will.
“I know but my baby passed all her finals. You deserve the world” You let a smile creep onto your face. Connie always knew how to make you feel so special. He only ever wants the best for you, seeing as he dropped out of college. He just wants for you to be as successful as possible and stunt on all these hoes.
You grabbed his jaw, turning his head to face you before kissing him repeatedly on the lips. A smile broke out onto his face. “I love you so so so so much” You pressed one more kiss to his lips.
“I love you more ma” Connie pressed a kiss to your cheek, staining your lip gloss on it. He reached for the duffel bag in the backseat and placed 3 bands in, handing the rest to you. “This is for your rent and whatever else you wanna spend it on, kay?”
You held back the urge to scream, feeling just so spoiled.
“Thank you daddy” You tease and place the money in your tote bag.
Connie puts the car in drive and looks over at you as he pulls from in-front of your house, seeing you already distracted as you scroll on Sephora.
“Spoiled brat” He mumbles
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