#fuck off all you toxic ass fans who still think these men are young teens

[theschizotypalsolilquy]

I swear to the gods....if y'all dont stop telling The Jeon Jungkook how to live his life, I'm taking away your internet privileges.

He's a grown ass man. If he wants to drink and show us what he bought at the liquor store, let him.

If he wants to use his little harmless flavored elf bar sometimes, let him.

If he wants to get emotional reading comments, let him.

If he wants to look like a sexy professor and ask his man to come over, let him.

Stop psychoanalyzing his fucking lives. Not only will I take away privileges, I'll send his man after yall. He does have 8 years of training in kendo and is a black belt. He probably isnt taking kindly to some of you little bitches calling his hubby an alcoholic.

I'm done. Now do what JK said and watch his hubby's music.

[floralkittygambler]

HuskerDust - More Toxic Than You Think [LONG]

This is the rough version of a deeper and more complex subject I want to ‘decorate’ with more ‘screencaps’.  DISCLAIMER: This is allegedly controversial and led to me getting literal death threats and an ED triggered. Ive about heard a lot of people’s shit on this so dont try it. I’m speaking from personal experiences too - experiences I really fuckin dont wanna be sharin yet they kinda validate my points. I want people to be aware of the damaging image from someone who can speak from experience without attracting dickheads or people twisting things. Again, I aint particularly comfortable sharing this so yeah- Be courteous- TW AHEAD - ALSO LONG ASS READ. DNI STANS OR ANTIS. May tag a few folks, may not.  HuskerDust is an extremely popular ship in the community however there’s glaringly obvious flaws in this one-sided relationship that both the fans and even the team fail to see. Neglecting the dangerous real world implications this ship [as well as many others] present to it’s audience - especially the more influenced of the audience, most who are children.

Angel flirts with all the male cast however one who catches his eye the most is Husk. Now I want to point out a few things [of many... obviously]; Angel is instantly starry eyed upon seeing Husk, likewise he actually started off with a ‘Hey~’ instead of something sexual. However he quickly ruins this after Husk tells him to go fuck himself [defined by: “ go fuck yourselfphrase of fuckVULGAR SLANGan exclamation expressing anger or contempt for, or rejection of, someone.” ie, he rejected instantly] by responding with an offer to allow Husk to essentially watch him masterbate. Alongside this, he cradles his face. Husk pulls away and seems to pull a face to express rage/disgust or growling imagery alongside COMPLETELY withdrawing his body away from Angel as Angel stares with goo-goo eyes. Firstly, Angel loves animals - perhaps it’s Husk appearing cute that adds to this, however Im not going to address animal imagery just yet. Secondly, Angel isn’t really portrayed to respect other’s boundaries BUT he does respect... Alastor’s. Al declines the blowjob to which Angel shrugs and doesn’t push this matter any further. With Husk, he’s pretty harshly told to piss off yet he makes quite and explicitly sexual remark, alongside invading his personal space and touching a man clearly disinterested and pulling away. From the initial rejection, it then becomes sexual harassment.  I also want to add that Husk comes with [some] perks in his feline form. And if my name didnt make it obvious, I work with and live with cats on a daily. Briefly, I have been educated in how to understand cat’s language in various individual cat as well as how to handle and work with them. Cats are often drawn towards me and Ive been successful with various types of cats. My most recent being a cat I’ve dubbed as Big - Big was abandoned quite young and has lived most his life on the streets [where I live is high in crime and drug rings, so you can imagine how strays are treated] leading to him being extremely fearful and hating people, hissing and fleeing just seeing people. I took time out last summer to finally give befriending him a shot. It’s taken just under a year of hard work and now he visits every day for his mush [wet food] and kisses, responds to his name and runs up to me in delight. Ive even taught him a phrase to signal that I dont want him or the other cat’s to fight [keeps them all safe and aids them becoming acquainted under supervision - something that’s been working surprisingly well]. I apologise in advance as this is not going to be the first instance of this sort of thing but they are relevant. Trying my best to keep it as brief.  For Husk, I will be using a mix of cat and human characteristics to break down his reactions.  In this first interaction, he turns his body away in a way to suggest caution, wariness and disinterest. In fact, much of his general body language is that of a man deeply closed off from connections - for starters, he folds his arms quick a bit which suggests lack of openness, shutting off and defensiveness *usually*. Likewise, when touched, he slightly jumps and tenses before pulling back in aggression with flattered ears - a sign cats give to display extreme hostility in a situation. It’s NEVER a good thing but then again, neither is crossing someone’s boundaries. It’s even stated that Husk hates Angel’s advances and wishes for nothing to do with him - the same dislike of sexual advances that Al dislikes in Angel. The ending as they all walk inside, Angel turns to Husk, winking and blowing a kiss his way despite the clear rejection earlier. In fact, Husk once again grows tense and is even irked by such a gesture. This won’t be the last mention of Angel totally disregarding how Husk feels - something that rubs off onto the fans AND the team themselves. And it’s... *concerning*, to phrase it lightly. Angel so far is the most persistent towards the most resistant, and in my post on RadioDust I have already established [briefly] on how Angel seems to chase unavailable men. The more unavailable, the more tempting. The one that got away, mentality. It’s not healthy. And I’m surprised so few have acknowledged this. Taking a break from what we’ve seen in the Pilot, let’s establish some facts about the pair.  Angel died in 1947 in his 30s [some posts specify 34-35], putting his birth year around 1911-12ish. Husk died in the 70s IN his 70s [again, nothing is truly specified, so for both we’ll go with 75 - the same number in his IG username] that puts birth year roughly 1900′s. Now an age gap between two adults of 11 - 12 years difference is actually reasonable and can work, depending on circumstance and whether theres a balance in power or not. But when we account for their life experiences and death ages, it’s something else entirely. Angel died young. Not only that but his mind seems more stuck in his raunchy teens than of an adult. And even THEN, he wouldnt be one to necessarily settle down [by which I mean in life, not romance]. He’s extremely emotionally stunted and his selfishness and wanting his own way come off very spoilt [when Husk is pissed off about the cat costume, Angel gets moody because he’s used to compliments AND is dressing to impress Husk. When Husk wanted the money he was rightfully owed, Angel threw a fit for ages until starting to earn it back - even though he owed Husk a drink, which I’ll be coming back to, Husk still wanted the money in the end perhaps hinting to only accepting a freebie as it’s on offer as well as Angel being overly persistent. He even dumps his pig onto Husk to look after, while theres no issue in pet sitting, Angel said Husk ‘owed’ him due to missing the show yet when HE owed Husk, he threw a fit.]. Angel’s life style is wildly chaotic in life AND death, and even though we all know he’s most likely going to be redeemed, he still lacks a lot of experiences in life. He lacks maturity.  On the other hand, Husk’s been through his own share of chaos and heartbreak. Difference is, he’s had a life time of experience. He doesn’t act immature in a childish sense. He truly behaves like a downtrodden old man. He’s had his days and would feel more secure settling down in a more peaceful environment with fun yet much needed calm. A better way to handle his need for risk. Age gaps in adults that are large [75 - 35 = 40 years!] are far less likely to work for a multitude of reasons. The main reason is the difference in life stages - that difference in mentality and experiences plays such an impacting role on compatibility. Often their goals and energies are polar opposites and their common grounds minimal. There’s also the looming concern of power dynamics. Whilst it’s usually the older figure that’s holds the power advantage, in this case it’s a little bit more complicated. I’d argue that it’s possibly Angel with the higher power. This rarely works irl but it’s POSSIBLE. Look at Hugh Heffner and his last partner before his death. I believe she was around 22. However there’s many common grounds, immediate attraction, and similar goals. Though incorrect, Heffner does give off a pimp-like vibe (he’s not but you get what I’m implying with mothlike imagery). Husk does not strike me as that type. It would definitely cheapen his character. In terms of interests, the main thing they have in common is that they like to drink. A bad habit, especially when one is an alcoholic. Both are also rather lazy except for certain circumstances [Husk will go out of his way to help HOWEVER he’s obliged to under Al, the only one he’s seen to willingly help and bond with/be seen with is Niffty. Angel is when there’s a fight, chaos, drama or any sex work]. Both are also rather snarky and vulgar. In terms of love, both suffer intimacy issues. On Husk, it’s ‘losing the ability to love a long time ago’ meaning he was likely cheated on or at least had a failed relationship. If he was ever ready for a new start, he’d definitely want something stable yet rewarding. For now, he needs a LOT of work - work he is not yet willing to put in, nor does he have a reason to. Angel doesnt want to commit because he’s extremely selfish as well as in an already abusive ‘relationship’ already. Sex work is sometimes VERY taxing on the mental health due to some of the folk you service. He’s seen the worst in many and just enjoys the pay and fuck. IF Husk was cheated on, then it’d make a lot of sense if a sex worker wouldn’t be his flavour, it would just serve as a reminder. Not only this, but Angel HIMSELF actively participates in cheating. Not with Val... but with *Travis*. BOTH know Travis is married (I’d be feckin worried if Trav didnt-) yet they still choose to cheat anyways, regardless of the pain it could cause. Angel even mocks this by sending greetings to Trav’s wife. Honestly this... Reminds me a LOT of Stolas - a main character who sexually harasses another character clearly not interested/comfortable, participates in cheating and we’re supposed to root for them (and before anyone gets offended, I do have more to say on Angel’s behalf so please be patient). Either way, it’s very toxic and concerning. Even if Husk wasn’t cheated on, I dont think many would feel exactly secure after having such a rough past with love, diving into a relationship with someone who’s openly participated in multiple affairs. And that’s no shitting on sex workers either, it’s just a point that some would feel uncomfortable with the idea of being with ANYONE (regardless of their work) having actively and KNOWINGLY took part in having an affair previously - especially multiple. Husk’s in an emotionally fragile place and needs more security. We’ve already established Husk heavily dislikes Angel’s advances. In fact, his responses to Angel are similar to his responses to... Al! His body language is VERY test and closed off to even Al, who’s most likely knew him for a very long time. If even Al gets this treatment (whilst also disrespecting his boundaries) then it’ll be the same with Angel (both force Husk into their lives and schemes, both disregard his boundaries). And he’s shown to STILL go out his way to help both however this is most likely tied to an unspoken ‘debt’ he owes Alastor. Plus he’s been mentioned behind the scenes to be a secret softie and protective grandpa type. But this animosity is very reflective of how Loona behaves and responds to Blitzo as well as how both Loona AND Husk (One being a ‘lowly servant’, the other being a literal old MAN) as pets - even the fans - just because of their forms. But this isnt the first of the disrespect they receive. Now we delve deeper Both are addicts of some kind (Husk - drinking, gambling. Angel - Drugs, possibly sex). Not a good mix at all romantically. Addicts often and unintentionally feed their addictions to each other as well as can increase likelihood of relapsing which even a recovered addict can slip back into. When times get tough (a natural occurrence) both are likely to suffer with their addictions. Interestingly, they can become addicted and dependent on one another, which is genuinely unhealthy for a mindset anyways, regardless whether addiction existed prior or not. Addiction only increases these chances. Angel likes confidence in a man (confirmed on Patreon). Yet, Husk is even confirmed  in streams to be deeply troubled and insecure. One thing he hates is his demon form, something that we’ll touch on shortly. Angel loves quality food ESPECIALLY of Italian origin whilst Husk is willing to eat the shit they give you in bars (admittedly that was painful to type as someone who grew up around pubs - either way it’s not exactly high quality or gourmet is what I’m saying). Interestingly, in some character references of Angel, it’s stated that he hates rejection. Hates. That’s a VERY strong word. This could explain but not justify why he’s persistent with Husk (similar to NiceGuys believing you’re playing ‘hard to get’ - further illuding to an immature and toxic mindset) though it interestingly doesn’t apply with Alastor. Odd.  There’s a counterpoint to symbolism in art. A very VALID counterarguement... If it suited Viv’s style. During Media Studies, Business, Design and Art, hell fucking Silent Hill! - I’ve been educated on effective symbolism as well as artistic trademarks (the most famous that most should know is Alfred Hitchcock!). Hitchcock often appeared in all his films, usually as a sidefacing silhouette, trading marking his films with his very PRESENCE. Viv’s seems to revolve around hearts. I mention this because an IG account made the point that hearts were to symbolise anyone connected with Angel’s story and love life (Valentino’s business and shades/collar, heart behind Angel’s head, Heart tattoo on Cherri’s right shoulder, hearts for Husk’s paws, eyebrow marks above natural brows, wings, and nose as well as most of the playing cards). Thing is, there’s hearts EVERYWHERE in all of Viv’s works and such symbology of Angel and hearts is weakened if it connects to the villains/abusers as well - taking away the positivity in a love symbol. Viv’s used hearts in her font, backgrounds, in characters ears, in all her series just generalised, Blitzo’s forehead, background characters, again the cards, Travis’s eyes, Millie’s right shoulder in the SAME place as Cherris. Even Vaggie had a heart tattoo on the shoulder in some christmas themed artwork (on her left). Heart’s is just something Viv seems to brand herself with. And that’s fine though I feel she could do with cutting it down slightly. One thing to early note on the cards (again, this’ll creep up later and my name should tell you why), most are heart suits and usually either a face card (J, Q, K), Joker, ace or 2s. Face cards/Jokers for more details close up (look at the signing artwork) and the rest are just easier to animate, though a little bit of a peeve to someone into their cards as well as the massive overuse of red in Hazbin overall. It’s extremely unlikely to be symbolic. If they change it to be so, then it’s... Weakened. As I’ve mentioned earlier, Silent Hill is an example of extremely clever symbolism in more darker media (more so, SH is considered a ‘hell’ of sorts and does feature religious iconography WITHOUT causing offence. A great example of how to portray this type of thing - they even mix humour in if you consider some of the sneaky references, dialogues and odd UFO/dog endings).  Discussing Viv’s art further, she drew a gift for her sister (original creator of Husk when he possessed white fur) of Angel playfully dragging a disinterested and annoyed Husk (I believe this was still around the time SpiderMoth was canon). The newish art tends to have Angel putting a holly crown on him or sitting on his knees, Husk seeming too lazy to really do anything about it. Very nonchalant. I also want to include some interesting stream arts here and later to further highlight their bond.  A fan asked Viv in a stream to draw them “actually getting along” - this wording implying that the fan is aware of Husk not enjoying Angel’s company. So Viv did, with an extra doodle of Husk being one of the ‘canadian people’ from South Park who sing “Im not your friend”. The art alone shows Husk’s absolute discomfort, even the extra thing Viv added w/o request. As they’re her characters and the fan asked for what they’d look like getting along, to show this discomfort goes to show the dynamic once planned. Husk just isnt a fan of Angel, especially when he’s being sexual and touchy. It can be great for small comedic parts, however both the team AND fans have now crossed this over to really creepy and triggering realms in their ships. It’s creepy and doesnt look good on Angel (who they actively root for) nor the gay community (more on that).

[Yes Ive already pointed out the comedic side of this ^ but it doesnt bode well considering the other points and issues that arise] There’s also a request for drag angel flirting with drunk husk. Personally thats a lil creepy to specify one of the two being intoxicated and thus not able to truly consent. If Angel is willing to flirt with someone in that state, it doesnt mean he would fuck them, but it does feel the fan was thinking that’s the case. In all truth, I think Angel WOULD flirt with those incapable of consent purely to swindle or pickpocket. I’d like to think [and HOPE considering his own abuse by Val] that he’d never take it further. And I hope Viv, the team and the fans see how incredibly creepy that thought is. I’ll give benefit of the doubt though it is still a concern. Either way, Angel appears... Annoyed? Husk is completely turned away and seems incredibly grouchy and confused. This shows yet more rejection on his behalf as well as Angel’s response to being rejected, which highlights his immaturity towards it. Remember, he’s USED TO and EXPECTS everyone to want him (even saying this in the Pilot). Hell, there’s even a Rich Vaggie request where Viv again randomly includes Husk. This time, he’s faced towards her and relaxed, though seems unimpressed and overall disinterested in this type of behaviour. Behaviour and interests of Angel [Celeb status and rich appearance due to Val, despite getting very little of the cut and the vanity, as well as Husk just not giving a shit about this sort of peacock display]. (Also wanted to note in Viv’s #3 stream 1:50:50, Faust makes out that Husk is a ‘dirty, creepy old man’ as well as him constantly threatening violence towards Angel. I dont see him as *creepy* in this context - as it implies perversion that he blatantly lacks fortunately - though it’s very telling of how Husk feels and again shows this toxic relationship).

/Angel’s Type: First off, daddy issues. He has them. Now let’s look at ‘daddy’. Henroin is shorter than Angel, dark fur, grumpy, old, wears only a hat and tie, big brows... Sounds familiar? Ok, look at his brother Arackniss. Similar to Henroin, dark, short, grouchy, bullied by and bullies Angel, is adverse to Angel and overall possess a bad relationship. Ok.... His main client, Travis! Short, dark fur, moody, Only wears hat and tie, drinker (shown in stream as request so take drinking with a pinch), similar face to- Is no one else seeing this trait? Angel seems to go for these shorter than him grouchier men who either want him for sex or hate his presence. Men who are like his dad and brother. All of these guys are far too similar, and we’ve got enough men in suits, bowties and sharp teeth in this show to boot as it is- The psychology of this type of attachment is rooted in a bad familial relationship alongside the subconscious desire to repair or compensate for it. Unknowningly the person will keep seeking out this sort of guy who isnt good for them to fix this internal issue. The resolution is to NOT go for these types. It’s also connected to intimacy fears, by going for those you know arent good for you/right for you/interested in you is often the manifestation of these issues. Pair them with daddy issues and it’s a disaster! There is science to back this up. Valentino is interestingly the opposite yet still toxic issues arise. Why? Because he’s going from one extreme to the other but with the same mindset. Neither of these men or types for MANY reasons are right for him. And visa versa. Seeing a pattern? ~~~~

Angel w Husk? I mentioned before that Husk hates his demon form. If you’re an old man, a gambler, some Vegas bloke and have this grouchier disposition, why the fuck would you want to look like an oversized pet? Exactly. Angel however adores his own aside from the feet. Now I find it strange how the guy we’re rooting for just so happens to like his own form which was intended for punishment. But that’s not todays post. I said earlier that Angel is heavily fixated on Husk’s appearance. Especially the feline aspects (calling him Husky and Kitty - petnames he hates that also treat him again more like a pet than a man -, dressing as a ‘sexy cat’ to appeal to him which can come off as more mockery. This is even backed up by fans who seem to think an old guy��s gonna act like some school girl anime trope?). All of this completely disregards and disrespects Husk’s feelings and perspectives. Something the fans and team take part in actively. Angel - whether you want to hear this or not - is SELFISH. When Husk ‘owed’ him for missing the show (babysitting Fat Nuggets), Husk begrudgingly fulfils this. The second Angel owed Husk for stealing drinks, Angel threw a hissy fit. The silent treatment, going to other bars and posting about it whilst complaining (again focusing on Husk being ‘cute’). Trying to cop out of it by buying Husk a smoothie (though it looked like a date, lets be real, do you REALLY have to bribe someone to date and be around you? No) and even then he still had to owe the money which was more of Husk’s concern. Yes he did in the end and more money than needed, hence the returning of the extra cash, but that is no excuse for the childish behaviour prior. He’s much too accustomed to being adored and pampered and getting his own way that he cant grasp when people arent a fan or willing to pamper him. If they make them a ship, all it does it make Angel completely into a shitty Gary-Stu that everyone loves and pities for his suffering, rather than teach him to grow, earn his redemption and confronting his own toxicity. Let me make this extremely clear: ANGEL DOES NOT DESERVE ABUSE OR RAPE. But when he starts behaving as shitty, he’s hard to root for. Remember, he’s sexually harassing all these guys, with Husk getting the brunt of it. But it’s treated as a joke for them and only taken seriously for Angel. Val abuses all of his employees. He abuses VOX and even THAT was mocked by fans and staff. It’s... It’s frankly gross.  In every interaction Husk has with Angel, his body language is closed off, tense, uncomfortable, turned away and hostile - look at the IG. He wont even allow Angel to touch him. Compare this to Niffty, who he’s fine with taking pictures with and letting her hang around and touch him. Body language is relaxed (relaxed shoulders, open body language) and he doesnt look hostile at all. What does Angel do? Always tries to get close to Husk (such as sitting as close as possible during Poker) and forces both his OWN hobbies onto Husk (ones that Husk shows a strong disinterest in) and Husk’s hobbies (Poker). It’s very FORCED and not natural. Going back to immaturity, he blames Husk and his cards for being shit at the game. They’re always bickering, insulting, fighting in the comments but fans only see this as a ‘cute couple fight’ or Husk being ‘tsundere’.Tsundere. An anime trope often used in young characters. Irl tsundere is NOT this dramatised. The tsundere you see in anime, apply that irl and you get the recipe for the most toxic, petty and immature relationship going. You get constant fights, unease, not feeling loved/appreciated, little trust - the list goes on. Plus an old bloke really isnt going to indulge in tsundere traits. It’s childish. After his history with love, I doubt he’d be up for games and messing about. For something meaningful, he’d just want open honesty. Their ‘relationship’ feels like it’s written by horny kids attempting a fanfic after being inspired by 50 shades and twilight (both show toxic relationshiiiiiips~). The worst is that these are adult writers trying to portray some realistic yet sensitive topics. This is just ill fuckin taste. Even the warnings in Helluva’s ‘Horny Demons’ leaves a bad taste when the fans are thinking Stolas is the best dad despite both parents ruining Octavia’s mental health. Despite the next day after that episode aired Stolas starts flirting with Blitzo again on IG. Despite Blitzo being clearly uncomfortable and sexually harassed and even co-herced into sex (VERY UNHEALTHY MESSAGES HERE). Viv herself has been in bad relationships so how the fuck she’s blind to this and even borderline fetishizing this sort of behaviour that everyone seems to play off as ‘Awwww cute tsundere <3 BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS’ is abhorrent. I’ll go into this more later on how this really just... It treats male sexual harassment and assault as a fucking joke- Angel’s constant unwarranted flirting is no different from the freaks on IG that send dick pics to underage kids and random women in their dms and fathom that they’re ‘nice’ and have a ‘chance’. Wanna know the creepiest? The candid photo of Husk on Angel’s wall. Something Husk seems horrified about. It’s fangirlish and teenager like at BEST, and obsessive stalker at worst. He’s NOT respecting Husk’s boundaries or feelings. That’s still up despite Husk’s reaction. He still wore the costume despite Husk’s feelings. Angel’s thinking with his dick and it’s such a fucked up message that everyone seems to support just because ‘its FICTION. Theyre in HELL.Theyre BAD people.’ Yeah? Well look at how that’s effecting and warping reality and perspective. It’s glamourising it. Fetishsizing stalking and making it cute. Yer have celebrity or boyband or whatever youre a fan of pics on your wall. NOT your crush. NOT someone who clearly isnt interested or happy with this. If someone who kept commenting on your pictures “sexy” suddenly had a picture of you on their wall, what would YOU think? How would YOU FEEL? Because myself and my own sisters have been in VERY fucking similar situations and it’s traumatic. His paw is even attempting the lens - Angel is crossing his boundaries and not getting the message that Husk doesnt want this. He’s forcing himself onto Husk. Yknow... VAL forced himself on Angel and it ended up in numerous rapes. Angel hasnt raped Husk, but if he wont take no. If he wont respect boundaries. If he only wants Husk to do what he wants but throws a fit when he owes husk - he’s picking up on Val’s bad habits more and more. How are so few - even the very team creating this - not seeing how disgusting this is? Are we only supposed to give a shit if Angels hurt? If so, the message isnt so much of how despicable Val is but how awful it is to upset Angel. Fans constantly blame Husk for being grumpy, annoyed at or rejecting Angel. Look at this real world implication. Not only that but Angel being gay just reinforces one of the worlds most disgusting and inaccurate stereotype of gay men being sexual predators and forcing men to have sex whether theyre comfortable or not. MOST gay men arent like this, and those who are its just because THEYRE shitty people (Jeffree fucking Starr, but look how people ‘stan’ his fuckin behaviour). Val is rubbing off on Angel as much as fiction has a MASSIVE impact on reality - whether we’re willing to admit it or not. Like Val, hes pushing past boundaries, he’s selfish, hes more into visuals than anything else. It’s one sided, superficial and theres no click. No connection. Be in this situation yourself and seeing this sorta shit becomes second nature to stay alive. Angel even says that most of hells residents are ‘ugly freaks’ yet finds Husk cute. It’s all LOOKS. Who else likes appearances alone? Val. I know this will trigger and upset fans, Ive been told to fucking die and have my ED triggered when I mentioned it before. But accept that all of them have flaws. Everyone irl have flaws. But there’s flaws and then theres a fuckin crime. If Husk was a woman, more people would see the flaw, but even then... Look at many romance movies - not all but many go for opposites attract (science proves this inaccurate irl), stalking, or even sexual harassments and assualts but she falls for him and they end up together. That aint love thats Stockholm with extra steps. Think you’re triggered and upset? Go through this shit - have a history with it happening - and then see some show you love and a comfort character get treated the exact same and everyone JUSTIFIES it, including the team themselves. It’s NOT cute.  Part 2 to the previous point: Both do share common interests, but it’s very unhealthy such as excessive drinking, both being addicts and being rather lazy, etc. Otherwise the common ground just isnt good. They’re opposites that really dont compliment each other. (Not a valid point here but I find it interesting how Angel loves aquariums and Husk can fly too). Viv’s writing is mediocre at best (but with glowing potential - a diamond in the rough - hence why it’s so frustrating) but Husk’s writing is the laziest. According to Viv he’s (paraphrased) “easiest to write... doesnt care about anything, almost always grumpy leading to similar reactions to everything”. His voice and alcoholism even has a lot of inspiration from Rick Sanchez. As I said with Angel in the RadioDust post, it’s almost like the addictions are seen as a joke. A running gag is fine if you can play it off well and it’s not about something so serious EVEN MORE SO when the series is about how damaging the addictions are and redemption. Why is this end goal being ignored unless it’s about Angel himself? That’s not just favouritism or bias, that’s also heavily self indulgent and a backwards ass message. Right now, Hazbin and Helluva have this ugly fixation on sex and ships. VIV has a fixation on ‘horny demons’. Her main characters are incredibly sexual bar Al (dont even say Husk, Niffty, Charlie or Vaggie or even loona and Moxxie are even on par with the focus and treatment Val, Angel, Blitz and Stolas are given). It’s very fixated and concerning. Its starting to feel like it’s about to divulge into hentai than a legit series with even a hint of the plot or a message. It reminds me of Family Guy trying to be BoJack. It’s starting to remind me of fucking Sausage Party and the final orgy. Sex and swears makes it inappropriate for kids but that doesnt make it adult or mature, and this is coming from someone who swears more than a fucking sailor whos stubbed his bare pinky toe on a fucking crate corner. Constant swears arent funny or artful in the slightest when it’s over done. It’s just... childish adult humour. We cant be expected to want to root for any of them at this rate- All A24 and other companies are seeing is big cash and easily manipulated child audiences (for easy money). They KNOW it can be better but theyd rather be lazy as they’ll profit big either way. This is going to end up like YanSim and YanDev. Amazing potential, shit writing with a leader too stubborn to accept and act on criticism, seeing it as hate. At this point, Husk isnt a deeply troubled man with vices and interests. He’s just fuck candy and romantic end goal for Angel. To compliment and complete him. Just another accessory to the Angel Show. Vivs sister who made Husk even loves Angel so it’ll only serve to further this already toxic narrative.  The ship doesnt look or feel right. There’s too much established now to see the dynamics and favouritism in the creators. Self indulgence. You cant play favourites when you do this sort of thing professionally. The audience can see it and it turns people away. Ask any nonHaz/Helluva fan what they think and it’s... Well, average.  Another thing is everyone went full hype on Frozen focusing on something other than romance as a form of love. But then go back to “Ok now everyone reenact the final scenes of Sausage Party” afterwards. Not everything is sex and romance, and it really is starting to feel Viv and the fans are focused on that like Incels focusing on ‘chad’. It’s creepy. Helping with food, telling someone self conscious on their weight that they’re not fat, not taking more money than someone owes, even helping out with a pet - that’s something that a good friend would do. In fact, Husk even laughs at the goofy Angel cutout and it being destroyed. It doesnt instantly equate to wanting to fuck. The fact that the fans and even some of the team seem borderline horny is... Completely destroying this show, it’s message and everything about it. Viv said ships were hardly the focus in her stream but look at it now. Look at what Viv focuses on now. It’s just fanservice shit. Nothing more. Self indulgence shit, look at the team making rape into a fetish or shipping themselves publicly with the characters on the public IGs. It’s like watching children run a business and it’s painful because the entire series is suffering when it could be amazing.  Friendship should be more normalised as a valuable type of relationship just as much as love or family are. I’ll also add that Husk adding after the show “Oh fuck... Is this what I missed? Shit.” is ooc like the ‘date’ (that was compensation for stolen drinks, like a tamer version of Blitzo fucking Stolas for the grimoire). It contradicts that he slept it off rather than an attempt at staying awake, as well as calling it a “god damn peepshow” implying a repulsion to the peverse tendencies. The constantly commenting, following and posting Angel related pics makes little sense either from someone who’s blatantly been sexually harassed as well as the clear repulsion of the candid pic on the wall. He outright rejected Angel. What would be realistic are the IGs focusing on learning about the characters, their lives and interests - ALL updating at realistic paces. Old men arent tech savvy usually nor care for social media that much. He’d post drinks, gambling, casinos, life with Niffty and Alastor. Heck maybe a picture of Angel captioned “When will this guy leave me the FUCK alone?”. He even only seems to tag angel, even in the pic that had Charlie and Vaggie [their shared account] or Niffty. Theres a CLEAR bias in the staff room and it’s messy. Look how most the female cast is ignored (Vaggie/Charlie, Velvet who posted a birthday gift to one of the new artists on the merch WHY? Gasu btw, Niffty, Millie only posting twice - heck even Vox and Loona sometimes get neglected. CLEAR. BIAS.) The ships focused on are 1) NOT established canon yet publicly favoured by Viv and the team (Stoliz, HuskerDust, VoxVal - that last pair havent actually got a VA either-), 2) Are TOXIC and theme around abuse or sexual harassment but it’s ‘cute because gae’ - NO. This makes gay people look really bad when they’re not. 3) HD and SL focus on one sided, stalkerish, cop out ‘tsundere’ excused ships to sugar coat the creepiness which only further fuels bigotry, 4) SL has MERCH on it now, so thats also profiting on sexual harassment imagery (again, dont give a shit they arent real - the EFFECTS are. The people who can relate ARE. The people being horridly stereotyped ARE). Thing is, the IGs originally were there to promote ADDICT which started as a fan song anyways despite everyone saying how Viv is stubborn in her ways an uninfluenced by her fans (proof says otherwise) yet shes allowed a fan song to be canon. Theres a focus on forced love for fanservice. The IGs have long outstayed their welcome. The Val account allows glamourisation of the sick shit Val does AND entinses fans to bully as they forget a REAL PERSON runs the fucking account, Val isnt even a scary villain either - hes just a big teen like everyone else - stuck in a teen drama with all this. Pimps are smart. Theyre scary. Theyre masters of manipulati- HOW DO THEY NOT DO THE RESEARCH?! Viv wanted this sense of realism and dealing with sensitive topics in one of the worst executed ways Ive ever seen- It’s toxic. It’s dangerous. These are shit messages and your fans display that when they think all criticism is ‘hAtE’ and actively bully real people w REAL EXPERIENCES. Telling them to ‘stop pls’ does fuck all because you still promote shit messages straight after. Like with Stolas to Blitz in a IG story a day after Ep 2. Classy.  Fanservice seems desperate to keep these fans (rather than market correctly... Just like YanDev) and it leads to fans feeling like they have the audacity to steer the series. Poor business with WEAK boundaries. Viv, you lost your series a long time ago. Want it back? LISTEN TO LEGIT CRITICISM. Stop surrounding yourself with yes men. Even my best fucking friend calls me out when Im out of line because a real friend will fucking take the chance of hurting your feelings if it means helping you in the long run and grow.  Mick joked about the inside of Husk’s ears matching Angels coat, that the ears are cat’s most sensitive and vulnerable parts. 1) Cats vulnerable part is their tummy - hence why you need their trust first (alternatively yer get the odd cat that has full confidence they cat hurt you a lot faster than you can tickle them - I own one), 2) Its weird that Viv doesnt know this considering how many cats she has - its important to learn the language of those you love to give them your full understanding and a great bond 3) This romanticises sexual harassment more than it already is in the media (remember, theres women out there still murdered for saying no!) as well as reinforces the stereotypes of gay men forcing non-interested men into sex (again, a very toxic and unrealistic trope - a dangerous one thats led to gays being murdered!). And the ears design is unnecessarily overly complex considering those fuckin wings he supports. If the design adds nothing to the character but aesthetic, then it can go on the chopping block. Rules for simple animation. Besides from Angel sharing the same tooth as Val (who knows if that was added after he started working for Val as branding?) you could use this argument to say Pent or Al are soulmates for Angel because of having striped suits, or sharp teeth - no, it was intended as a joke that Viv fueled to irresponsibly because it’s not the first time she’s dodged publicly addressing something (something youll NEED to get used to in a big company), and she’s publicly dodged shit after this too so Im not putting faith in her until she can act professionally as the job requires. Likewise, professionals should consider what and how they joke as they’re presenting an image of a company/business. And people WILL eat that shit up face value regardless. In her stream #2, a fan requests for art of flustered angel and smug husk to fuel their ship. at 2:10:21, she does so. She’s also done this for Baxter x Niffty and Cherri x Tom. As a professional, you really should be avoiding this sort of thing in the name of fanservice. I get it, fanservice = financial gain. But it also results in empty meaning. It’s a shell of what the passion project once was, hence why you make the ENTIRE skeleton before involving others. The team help construct the muscles, tendons and organs. The public - moreso critics and the more experienced in those fields help sew the skin. Then you bring it to life, the fans become like blood. They aid to keep it alive. Even Ash and Mick mention Husk being ‘tsundere’. Im had most my piece about it earlier, however I’ll repeat and add some extras. Tsundere is an exaggerated personality, often used in younger characters. In terms of a relationship, it’s very immature, leads to poor communication and results in a toxic love. Science can back this up as well as the lack of realism. It’s more immature minds/hearts that go to what they interpret as tsundere in hopes of the love life the media portrays. A farce. Y’know what Angel needs? Someone open, honest, open to love and comforting. He doesnt need someone rebuffing and him chasing. It’s nothing more than an immature thrill. Once the love begins, it’s burns out QUICK. It’s far from sustainable or healthy. It’s not what either really need and further show Angel’s fixation on men who subconsciously remind him of his father. It’s not healthy. Another thing is a tsundere actually IS interested but shows it in the most immature and childish means possible. Would a really old bloke actually give a shit to play those sorts of games? No. Not one coming from a place like husk has. It’s painful how lacking in research and experience these people are. Science backs up that opposites solemnly attract also. In fact, they often either repel or only get as far as friendship.  Fan and Team Mentality in Brief: Im coming out with my ultimate pet peeve: if you’re going to have one of the MAIN characters be a gambler, do your research. The only background shit is a casino, LOADS of sex references (in Pride? Really?) and drugs. It’s like someone listing what they think is adult and tabboo and naughty. It’s yikes. Cards are almost always aces, 2s or blank. MOST are heart suits (like we need MORE red - we get it, it’s hell. But it’s an immature larvae stage hell). I get 2s and aces being easier to animate, however you have Husks wings, the entire of alastor, angels arms - if youre busting the budget for the menial then bust it to the cards. Theres like ONE spade. The full house isnt a full house (here’s a display of the fans lack of education on the matter as well which serves as a sure sign that they know just as little on any of this as SpindleHorse, they think it’s a sign on him being a card cheat. A card cheat. I aint saying hes not but what I AM saying is poker professionals are some of the most observant people in the world. Especially when money’s involved they’ll ensure youve got your facts right. That wouldnt fly at ALL. But theres more~ fans think Husk spent loaaaads of time staring at angel’s face in the IG poker out of <3 Newsflash. When you play poker you read EVERYONE like a book. Every little twist and twitch of the features. Its not about love. It’s about winning. Its about money. Play enough poker and it’s instinct if you want to actually play decently. Call bluffs. Life aint a fuckin romance.) And playing Poker at a BlackJack table? In a casino? These are all common knowledge and basics if you just research. And this is coming from someone with a history of this.  The fans even believed Tipsy Bartender’s ‘Peach Princess Cocktail’ was something Spindlehorse made as a beverage form of Niffty, Angel and even Charlie because of the name. Now, Im not expecting everyone to be a fuckin boozy either, but to not even consider it’s a very real drink does show that many fans are far too young for that 18+ label.  Fanart of HD often has Husk being OOC OR being held hostage (often via webs - one even being reblogged by Viv, aint that cute!). Some even have Husk completely intoxicated, which would be rape. Im not sugarcoating it. Because too many are getting the sweet treatment and copying Viv’s ‘dont address and it disappears!’ tactic - A LOT of internet celebs do it. The ship is drawn a lot by the team in the public eye, Viv reblogs it publicly (SL, HD, alongside canon only ships, how curious-). Husk is pan yet doesnt behave as the stereotype. And Id FULLY support this with my fucking SOUL (fun fact: you cant sell a soul. Thats myth to scare people-) if it was done correctly. But the way bisexuals, lesbians, gays and aces are portrayed so stereotypically (even Pan in terms of Val’s sexomania), it’s really REALLY uncomfortly coming across as Husk being pansexual JUST to make him an ‘option’ for Angel. Hell even the hets are given a shite representation. Some art btw has husk tricked into a kiss. Cute, we’re really starting to like blurring consent aint we? Remember, Angel has celeb power in his world. In the real world, he has a following. HE has the power in the ship massively. Hell, fans JUSTIFY Angels behaviour and absolutely rip Husk a new shithole if he fuckin even so as to DARE OPPOSE ANGELS MUCH DESERVED LOVE! - sarcasm because I have to make that shit clear now. Fans dont care about Husks feelings, he wasnt even popular until this ship started to explode. Y’know what would be cool and break stereotypes? An old straight white guy actually accepting his friends sexualities. The pan thing feels really fucking gimicky and exploitive and gross based on the history of all this shit. It feels disingenuine. Representation doesnt come from it just being there. What next? Katie whips on blackface to further show shes a bigoted knobhead whos white and straight? Dont get me wrong, Katie’s an arsehole but theres other means to show this rather than ALL HETS HATE THE BIG GAE. They dont. They really dont. But hey, we’ll show a gay man sexually harass every guy and root for him! NO. Thats fucked up. It makes gays look like the predators theyre not. It’s like the fucking 50s with modern tech - is that the real identity of Vox? Fuckin maybe. WHAT THEY NEED - FUCKING FINALLY, ITS THE END IVE BEEN ON THIS SHIT FOR DAYS WHILST SICK LUCKY ME EH? CAN YER FEEEEEEEL MY TIREDNESS OF FANDOMS AND CREATORS EXCUSING SHITTY THINGS FOR CLOUT, MONEY, FAME AND OTHER DUMB SHIT? IF YOU CANT, THEN WHAT THE FUCK, AND OTHER NEWS: Right. Lets get our main shit. Compatibility between the pair is really low - lower than even the team seems to see. And yer old fart of a Hag here’s gotta use my personal suffering as an example because thats what the cool kids do, right? Their friendship compatibility is high. VERY high. But low for love. HEALTHY love. In terms of convo flow, it only has a river when insults are flying, otherwise Husk actively cuts Angel short or outright annoys him. In reality, someone like Husk would gross out Angel, but the cute cat look can turn that the fuck around - JUST the look. Fans and the team oddly think it’s cute though. Yes, I remember being negged at the bar and thinking “BOY arent my pants flooded like the fuckin planet when the ice caps are melting”. There’s no click. Theres infatuation and lust one sided based on looks. Husk isnt even remotely interested and no means delayed yes apparently. Angel as a rape VICTIM should know better than to blur consent like this. Angel isnt a rapist [for the skim reading raging stans ANGELS NOT A RAPIST, YAAAAAY!] but he sure has a shit grip on when he’s looking like Val when Val forced Angel into a kiss by not accepting rejection. It’s. CREEPY. Its fuckin weird. Husk is literally named after being a shell of his former self, I doubt random sex and forced interest is gonna make him spring to life like bastard Zeberdy from the Magic Pissin Roundabout. Honestly, sexual harassment and addictions are treated the same in this - a joke. A punchline. A gag. Sure makes me fuckin gag. Nah, the more healthier Chaggie relationship (needs work on Charlies damn part - dont let freaky taxidermy men sexually assault your life partner like that) is booooring, lets focus on sexual harassment leading to true love like all the other shitty romcoms shall we? Or sugar coat it with ‘getting to know them better <3′ like Beauty and the Beast. A story, by yours truly: My mom’s mates with this woman. Lets call her M because her name starts with an M. M is just like Angel except slightly older, overweight and disabled - so not everyones cup of tea visually (shes neither here nor there to me imo, not like I hold interest in shaggin her). Like Angel, she fuckin flirts with any ANY man around her. She’ll even touch without consent, rub allllll up and down their backs and bodies, and not leave them alone. She even did this with a few gay men. Shes not a horrible person BUT mom and I are constantly trying to stop her and get through her head how DISGUSTING this treatment is. But nothing gets the message across. Shes ALWAYS talking men and sex and has an on/off fling with this one bloke (dont worry, hes the male M, cheats and does the same as her). Everyone, even women, are uncomfortable with this. Irl it’s desperate and a HUGE repellent. Men are visibly SO uncomfortable. She does it to my father too who is - in case youd forgotten - MARRIED TO HER BEST. FUCKING. FRIEND. My father is not a man of fear (and interestingly, hes one of the real life Huskers I know!) but this woman? *insert Heavy bc why tf not* She scares him. My dad does everything in his damn power to pull away, reject, resist, avoid and cut her off. The only reason hes even nice to her at all is because mom likes her (when M isnt a gross hornbag, shes genuinely a good friend to my mother - much like angel and Cherri). My dad’s strictly banned from insulting her or telling her to fuck off from my mother BECAUSE of her nature with him. Even at her non horny times, he’s even said shes not his flavour.  I’ve had numerous accounts like this myself (ask any woman-) but the worst was the guy thinking - THINKING - that Id eventually be his whilst he played up a lot of our similarities up, seemed nice and I actually thought I had a good guy friend (put it this way, Im genuinely scared of men because of guys like this). At this time, there was a character I discovered who looks and behaves SO much like me, and shes married. My simping arse for this fictional BEAUT [Im sorry but Iris is fucking awesome] compared her romantic traits towards Olgerd as something Id do - and this was a STATUS. It wasnt even too him, tagging him, nothing. I was just spamming Iris like the Iris whore I am, and... Yep. Ill be honest and say that God only knows what else I did that made him think I was ready to rip off my clothes and shag him. My post history back then showed Im like this when I find a character I relate to. I also send hearts a lot publicly and to friends to express joy - I get NERVOUS how that’ll be taken now. He tried to pit my ex friend and I against each other for him and even cyberstalked us pretending to be a girl named Raven. My GUT told me this aint no bastard ‘Raven’. The vibes he gave me, and the fact when I kept saying no he took it as a delayed yes (He even said “Ill wait for when youre ready” not “I understand and am happy to still be friends”) gave me literal nightmares of this guy tracking me down and raping me. He’s currently dating that ex friend (I was still willing to be their friend and support them but they said it was hard to keep us separate in her lifes and she didnt want conflict, so I cut it off amicably with her and I fuckin hope he treats her right. I even sensed in my gut she’d like him and he’d like her - even that theyd be good together! But then I found she was 17 and he was 10 years older, that he was cyberstalking and pitting us against each other, that he was secretly an arrogant fuck and that he gives off red flags like her ex’s - but shes passed 18 now and I want to trust her as an adult that she can deal with this. Shes got a good family.) As a kid, Ive been fuckin groped at school in my shitty neighbourhood. One kid even harassed me wanting to know if Id started my periods yet. Hed constantly fondle girls and ‘keg’ them aka yank down their skirts or trousers in public, and 2 years later held a fucking KNIFE to my throat in a classroom with the shittiest substitute teacher, all because I stood up to him (I was not known for my bravery at school so). He was harassing my female friend who suffers from it since as well as her upbringing, bullying her and stealing her stuff. Shes TINY. She was bullied just as bad as I - who was somehow both the school ghost AND pariah somehow- - and I stepped in and told him to cut that shit out before snatching her things back. I told her to ignore the desperate prick. Thats when he took a boxcutter and held it to my throat, threatening me to keep my head down. Now my neighbourhood fucking qualifies as the British ‘hood’ but Id been lucky to avoid this. Ironically, I wondered what this situation would be like a year prior. Im convinced I can fucking foresee bad shit now and with anxiety that aint good. I froze mentally and I just said “Wooow, Im fucking scared- *friends name*, ignore him” and continued my work. I fucking mentally kicked myself for speaking but I genuinely didnt know what to do. Obviously not fucking that. He sat the full TWO HOURS at our table with this knife, jolting forward mockingly and switching who he pointed it at. The knife btw was from that very room as it was graphics and art. Teacher didnt even notice though honestly Ive had an entire class throw shit at me and call me a whore and the teacher in that class looked at me and TURNED AWAY. End of the day, I reported it to my actual graphics teacher when he returned and he told me he’d take this higher up and to get my parents. My home was only 5 minutes away but I had to walk alone when most the students were gone AND through a fucking alleyway. I always walked with my head low but that day I kept it high and tried to look brave because I genuinely thought he was waiting for me. That he was going to rape and kill me because he’s a pervert and Id just discovered a fucking violent one at that. I broke down at my door. Do you know how fuckin hard it is to look your parents who are dealing with two cancer patients and other issues in the eyes and tell them their ‘little girl’ had a knife to her through for standing up for herself? We went back, I described everything and even remember the yellow-orange handle just to get this kid punished? I even wrote an official police statement (well, the written witness account they add to their statement and evidence) and had to speak on mine and my friend’s behalf because she was that shook up. I never even used to speak for myself! He got expelled, but yknow what us jolly folk dealt with? Hearing kids and his mates mumbling about the ‘rat’ and how much of a cunt they were. Teachers and kids praise him for his art skills and even pin them on display EVERYWHERE (one - ONE - was a fucking self portrait and none of the staff seemed to find issue in that) and even an occassion where he came back into the school when he legally wasnt (trespassing). Do you know how hard it is to fucking avoid someone without raising suspicions from everyone around you in a narrow corridor? Im TALL too. I got NO support from this and felt on edge because he could easily sneak into school. I couldnt say shit because his stupid ‘spies’ were about. Just typing this is upsetting enough- I also know a rl Angel who’s like him minus the sexual harassment. She’s... I never used to like her and visa versa but we actually get along really well now, even though she can be creepy and perverse- But she wouldnt be my type either nor I with her. Often we really fuck each other off but we can also bond great. Another incident reminds me of Husk’s candid photo. Ive had people keep my photo despite me saying not to however I had someone SOMEHOW at that school one the fuck up that. There was a cut out from a magazine of a lady who looked like my DOUBLE except she was asian. Now I thought this was cool and it made me feel sorta pretty. This one girl showed everyone and the teacher, pretty much everyone was like “Oh shit that really is you, C!” and it was harmless fun at first. Until I wanted the picture. Again, this woman looked EXACTLY like me. Yet this girl refused and said she wanted to keep it and even carried it around in her pencil case. Yes it wasnt me but due to the similarities, this photo was called me (tbf the fuckin pic got more respect than I did-). This isnt the only creepy instant between me and this girl but the photo reminds me of it. And this tops people keeping photos OF me which happened in primary school. This was me but legal at that time. And asain. It was super fucking neckbeardy the way she treated this photo and stared, often stroking it and looking at me. I just hope she was only trying to scare me. Theres one final instance of a sexual assault but Im just not yet ready to be public about it. 2 here already know. Those are some of my rl experiences and more to come (unfortunately) that show these behaviours in real life. It seems - it comes across - that sexual harassment, MORE SO TOWARDS MEN, is seen as some punchline and not something legitimately horrifying or dangerous. It’s not cute. It’s fucking FAR from it.  Ive already mentioned how putting two addicts together can lead to relapsing, dependence on each other in an unhealthy way. And Ive even mentioned what Angel needs in a relationship in the RD post. Luckily for you, I’ll copy and paste it here: “ We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea. Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict. Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both. Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate.” Sorry for that copypaste clusterfuck. Copy paste is not my forte lol Now Husk. Remember Big? Probably not after the info overload, but if you do GREAT. Big needed love, patience, understanding, someone who could help him, someone who understood and respected his boundaries. I spent so much damn time and now he cuddles up and exposes his tummy because I make him feel understood, loved and safe. He NEVER purred or meowed (why would he need to meow when he didnt speak to humans?) but now he does. He lives on the streets of a neighbourhood with rough folk. He used to draw blood and go rabid on my arms. But I was patient and showed him that I understood his reasons but that he was safe with me and had no need to strike out. I never pushed his boundaries let alone doing it multiple times (the rl angel I know is fucking skilled at pushing cat’s boundaries and wonders why they all huddle up to me and avoid her lol). Husk is an unavailable man. Romantic/Sexual love does NOT heal his wounds. But thats the only thought fans and the team have given on his side. He needs love to ‘fix’ him. The WORST reason to get with someone. Theyre not a project and you arent a fucking miracle worker. Treat them as an equal. He needs a good friend. JUST a friend. Like Big, he needs patience, trust, understanding, and extensive help (arguably more intense than Angel’s). He needs to love himself a bit more FIRST. Someone who respects his boundaries INSTANTLY. Someone relatable and similar, open to love not just sex and not as troubled (if they are, they need to handle it way better, healthily and overall be in a good mindspace). Viv can ship whatever the fuck tickles her fancy, but once your passion project becomes public and funded, you have set responsibilities on how to address and handle sensitive issues as well as having to accept criticism. If Husk goes sober in the name of love (ESPECIALLY with the guy not respecting his boundaries and sexually harassing him), then it’s a fucking INSULT to alcoholics.  I know a few rl Husks but there’s one that anyone who knows me enough knows the man I hold closest to my heart was an alcoholic and spitting of Husk. That’s why Husk’s character means so much to me. But there’s only 2 here who know a bit more of this man. This is something Id hoped to not share so soon, nor as messy. And Im already getting waterworks because this is FAR from easy. I guess Husk became the very thing *I* needed in order to face this. This man was my grandfather. WAS. I cant even fucking accept that. I was a fucking child. I feel stupid being so open about this over some stupid cartoon but it just shows the real life effects this has on REAL fucking people. This man was old and lonely. Always at the pubs. He taught me card games, card tricks and card magic as well as one of his own sons dealing with a gambling addiction. I feel so fucking stupid crying about this- I dont want to open up but its the only way I feel I can get people to understand my side in all of this. This man was a fucking MESS. A closed off, lonely, grumpy old bastard. He lost his love because of his alcohol addiction and never found love again. Never got over that woman. (Shes still kicking and we’re close - im keeping some things under wraps between them as its not my place). Gave up on life and love. Worked hard at his fixation on cards and puzzles, as well as crass jokes and knowledge. But he was very lazy otherwise. Bitter and angry. And you know what? He was my world. I love this man with every fiber of my being because he was the first person to love and accept me for me. He treated me as an equal and helped me grow as a person. In fact... He was only ever happy around us kids. He had hope again. Protected me. He used to hate gays and blacks and you know what? He taught HIMSELF as to why that was shitty thinking. He taught ME about differences in people and to accept it. He taught me that you dont always have to understand to accept. He taught me poker and... swears admittedly. He was a beautiful soul that was broken inside. He needed to love himself. But you know what actually fucking happened? You know what I watched as a kid? I watched as he smoked until every morning he woke throwing up phlegm just to BREATHE. I watched as sometimes the light in his eyes died and through smoke breaks and early drinking how he’d sometimes slip and show me his pain. And we’d have deep talks about it and the world and everything. How alcohol ruined his life yet he craved it. His scent. I remember arguments I wasnt supposed to overhear and growing up seeing him fucking DIE slowly in a hospital bed. The man he was ended up as a fucking husk. His skin was bloated and purple, he was half machine on how much shit he was hooked up to. How he was barely a man at all. He was dying of cancer and he fucking knew and never told us. His cancer meds gave him horrid hallucinations. And I practically spent most of my time in that hospital because TWO people had cancer. Two stunning people had fucking stupid bastard cancer. He was a fuck up. He was flawed to shit. But seeing glimpses of the real him was a fucking ethereal experience. He made me feel like a PERSON. And all we could do in the end was watch him just die. He WANTED to die and you could see it but hed only eat around us to fake fight out of his own hubris and not wanting to let us down. That year, I watched 2 of the only people who ever gave a shit about me die the most dishonourable deaths God could have gave them. Years prior I watched his son gamble EVERYTHING away - his lover, his house, his everything. Hes a moderate gambler now with a partner who never had a history of any addiction. She helps keep him in line as he helps her. But most nights I fucking dream of this shit. I cant even think about my hero because I fucking weep. I still have nightmares. Im still up thinking how I could have saved him from himself when it’s him who was the only one able to. I have to live my life with those memories and I was just a kid. Im a full woman and Im still haunted by it. Even that year is blasphemy and I fucking hate it. I want to take him in my arms, hold him and tell him he’s enough. That its ok and he can get through this. Anything that reminds me of him, I love because I know the other side. The real side. The side not tethered to vices. When I see people like that, I pray they see themselves like that too and I want to help them see it. Tell them that they can live again. It’s better than fucking decaying in a hospital bed. That when people make this sorta shit into a cute quirk it’s not. And it’s dickheads like me who have actually seen it play in the real world to REAL people they love. They arent a fucking accessory to fix for your own narrative. They arent a fuckin performing monkey. At least with Rick and Morty it’s kinda humorous and never played for some shitty toxic ship to appeal to everyone who’s never had to face that shit themselves. And Im like my old man but with more hope and no addiction. I drink and I gamble but I’ll never let myself get that low. Because I honour him but Im not as fucking saft. I wont allow it even though it’s a fucking battle. Those addictions are in the blood. My family history. Its always been so fucking normal. I’ll never knock someone for an addiction or try to preach them out of it because theres often pain fueling it, but I’d never encourage it or toxic faux cures and stupid romance promises as some bullshit MLM remedy either. I KNOW it’s fiction but I want people to see the real side. I want VIV to see the real side. Id willingly for FREE fucking sing that shit if it meant spreading a good message. Because this is fucking hell. FIXING IT: The ship’s basis is too set in stone now - too familiar to change. Best is to never let it be canon. Because you know what else it teaches? That rOmAnCe cures all. Not therapy. Not rehab. Not any REAL work. Just fuck and date it all away as if it’s that easy. It’s a mockery! I tried to be professional about this but when the media bombards this shit constantly, the has the AUDACITY to play like it’s giving a good message is salt to the wounds. A kiss with a fist. An old man dont care for the petty teen drama that Angel and Cherri (even fuckin Al) thrive on. Want this to send a good message still? Angel hates rejection and thinks everyone wants him. Have Husk reject him. Especially because no one should go out with someone whos sexually harassed them there. Been there, done that got the fuckin tshirt. Have Husk reject Angel the way Gravity Falls has Wendy reject Dipper. It helped Dipper move on and mature, and this is what Angel needs for growth and to be more humble.  Husk would be a fucking excellent mentor to Angel, a friend and protector, someone who shows him the ropes like Grunkle Stan like a grandfather figure. To not fall for his mistakes. Husk would be a better expert than any of them plus it balances the power dynamtic. It’s healthy and realistic. Touches the topic with the sensitivity it needs. Not everything needs a ship or romance. Wounds healed that way dont stay healed long. Angel seems more fitting as a son like figure, and he can play that dad like role for him. And if any of the team EVER saw this, fucking take this idea. Its YOURS. FREE. FOREVER. If we wanna play this NDA but still reblog some of the story telling arts and have some of our team indulge in it. I wont sue. Fucking TAKE IT if it means doing this shit right because Spindlehorse have beautifully triggered so many different people and their different traumas to please teenagers sexual fantasies, their own kinks and for a jolly good joke.  This is a bastard long read and Ive had to face the traumas again but if good can come from it then I’ll GLADLY dance this duet again. Stans, Antis, dont even TEMPT interaction. You arent brave sending suicide threats behind a screen, youre a coward and a waste of oxygen. I WANT Hazbin and Helluva to succeed. I want Viv and her crew to do well. Trust me, I wouldnt waste my time if I didnt give a shit. Viv is fucking gifted and its being wasted if it’s not at her full potential for the approval of a rabid army of kids and immature adults who dont know any better (stans and antis). I know she would like a good and decent fanbase. Stans and antis arent it. Tagging you folks because it’s long but yall actually helped me have the courage to open my trap to this. Screenshots are coming later though all of what Ive said is easily sourced. But this has been days, Im sick, im tired, ive been upset facing my own traumas. If any tags wanna help then by all means but otherwise. @honesthazbinarchives, @siaesnow​ (also added age still bc despite the lack of physical aging, theres also the mental aspect and experiences as well as power dynamics side to it, in case youre wondering), @noirellearts, @enchantedchocolatebars​, @galemalio​ (thank you for letting me weep like a bitch), @angel-blitz​, @critical-hazbin​, @what-the-hazbin​, @hazboobhotel​, @pineapple-critiques-stuff​, @devils-advocutie​, SORRY AGAIN FOR BEING A LIL BITCH FOLKS, I feel awkward like my teen years but yeah- fuck it Im old and imma rot soon anyways. If this experience can help then Ill be glad.

[mrs-hatake]

The Chronicles of World Famous Detective Hatake Kakashi | Part 1

Pairing: Kakashi x female!reader

Warning: murder, jealousy, alcoholism, womanizing, lowkey toxic relationship.

Word count: 10.6k

A/N: finally! the kakashi fic is here! this is based on the anime series detective conan and it took me like a month to write so i hope you guys will love it! also, a sequel is in the works!

proof reading credit goes to @runeterrankhaleesi​

The drive to the beach was...an odd experience. Kakashi thought to himself.

His eldest daughter, Aiko, had been silently bouncing and smiling in her seat throughout the whole ride. It probably had something to do with the person she promised to meet. Kakashi internally groaned at his daughter crushing on some loser but, no matter, he’d just scare him off.

While his youngest son, Sakumo, kept staring at his sister in suspicion. Sakumo was a very observant seven year-old who always managed to find trouble wherever he went. Kakashi briefly wondered if his son would end up being a detective like himself or sign his ass up for the C.I.A. He hoped it was the latter.

As Aiko checked them into the fancy looking hotel with lavish furnishing, Kakashi allowed his eyes to wander the occupants of the hotel. He could feel a tug on the corner of his lips at the sight of beautiful women dressed in cute sundresses and tiny little bathing suits. Perhaps going on a mini vacation during the drought wasn’t such a bad idea.

“Here you go, dad.” Aiko handed him the electronic keycard and Kakashi had to frown.

“Why did you book two different rooms?” He questioned as he scratched the back of his head “Wouldn’t it just be cheaper if you had rented a suite?”

“We wouldn’t want to interfere later on.” His daughter replied with a “not-so-innocent” grin and before Sakumo could call her out on her suspicious behavior, Aiko smacked her hand on his mouth and whispered something into his ear which managed to shut him up. Whatever. This separate room thing wasn’t such a bad idea if he planned on courting some of the cute women he had seen earlier.

“Anyways,” Aiko giggled, “Let’s just hurry up, get changed and go to the beach!”

Kakashi was in heaven.

The women scattered across the beach were simply immaculate. Each of them, different in their own ways. From tall and athletic to short and petite, with the darkest shade of skin to the lightest. This beach had it all and Kakashi couldn’t help but marvel at every single one of them that came within direct vicinity of his eyesight.

“Tada! What do you think dad, I bought this yesterday. Isn’t it cute?” Aiko asked as she showed off her pale pink bathing suit with yellow daisies on it.

“Shhh!” Kakashi hurridy shushed the girl as his sunglasses slid further down his nose “Don’t let the babes know I’m your dad!”

That earned him a glare from Aiko, “And why not?” she crossed her arms across her chest. “It might be a huge turn off!” wailed Kakashi as Aiko continued to glare at him.

“I saw on t.v that women liked dads.” Sakumo silently muttered and Kakashi muttered a cuss word under his breath at his pesky son knowing such information. Of course some women were attracted to men who were fathers-that’s what they’d all say until it was time for them to actually meet his children, but the second he brings it up, they’d all disappear.

“And why do you care what women think?” Aiko raised an eyebrow at her father, as if to challenge him for an answer that didn’t offend her and her fellow women, and to test what kind of man her father truly was.

Before Kakashi could answer though, movement from his peripheral vision caught his attention and he quickly averted his gaze to his left.

A woman dressed in the world’s tiniest pale blue bikini stood hunched over, giving Kakashi a perfect view of her thick ass.

“Fuck me.” Kakashi breathed silently at the mouth watering display.

As if hearing what he had said, the woman stood up straighter and Kakashi instantly froze but couldn’t tear his gaze away from her gorgeous back. Slowly, the woman turned around to face him and Kakashi emitted the shrillest voice in his life “Aaahh!” and nearly toppled over his beach chair.

“Y-Y/N…” His left eye twitched in fear “W-Why are you here?”

“You too?” The woman with long wavy brown locks gasped in surprise “Why?”

“Oh my god, what a surprise!” Interrupted a high pitch voice and the two adults turned to face Aiko who looked as if she had met her two favorite celebrities. While Sakumo stood unimpressed beside her. “Who would’ve thought that the both of you would go to the same beach?”

Y/N sighed in disappointment while Kakashi rubbed the spot between his eyes “Please don’t tell me you did what I think you did, Aiko.”

“We fell for it.” Y/N crossed her arms, looking extremely bothered by the course of events.

But their words fell on deaf ears as Aiko clasped both of her hands and continued to ogle at the two adults.

“Two rooms.” Sakumo simply stated and Aiko’s happiness was shattered and a look of fear took over.

“So that’s why you booked two rooms.” Kakashi muttered in annoyed disbelief. Later, once everyone had changed into their regular clothes, the group were found seated at the hotel’s cafe with a cigarette stuck between Kakashi’s lips as he watched the people pass by.

“I said I’m sorry!” whined Aiko, “Can’t you two get over it.”

Y/N continued to sip her green tea, unbothered by Aiko’s apology. She placed her cup on the table to take a bite from her chocolate tart.

“It would’ve been cute if you had done this when you were ten but you’re seventeen, you’re an adult.” Reprimanded Y/N but she didn’t sound angry, just bored.

Aiko had a guilty expression but quickly managed to switch it to a happier one, “Well, let’s just enjoy ourselves at the beach. The weather’s gorgeous!”

“Well, I was enjoying my time.” Kakashi pulled the cancer stick from between his lips to blow out a grey cloud of smoke “Until an old hag showed up wearing some teen’s bathing suit.” He smirked.

With a raised eyebrow, Y/N rebutted, “Well, at least I’m not a dirty old pervert who shamelessly flirts with any woman who blinked at him.”

Kakashi scowled before shoving the cigarette back into his mouth. Sakumo just continued to eat his blueberry muffin, seemingly unbothered by the whole ordeal.

“Mom, don’t say that.” Aiko laughed awkwardly as she tried to defuse the tension.

But Kakashi slamming his hands on the table startled her “I’m going to the bathroom.”

“Dad, wait!” Aiko called out for him but it was of no use. Awkwardly, she turned to face her mother “He’s probably being shy since you haven’t seen each other in such a long time.” She ended her statement with a choppy laugh.

“Maybe.” Y/N took a sip from her green tea “I just see him as some perverted old man who can’t own up to his own mistakes.” She then picked up her fork to take another piece of her chocolate tart and that’s when Aiko finally noticed something.

“Why aren’t you wearing your wedding ring?” She asked with a sad tone of voice. Sakumo said nothing but his eyes betrayed him. He was just as curious as his older sister.

Y/N looked down at her hand in disinterest, as if she was staring at a fly going on about its daily life. “Hmm? I took it off.” She replied. A lazy smile tugged on her lips as she explained “I wanted to see if he noticed or not.”

“So you still love him!” Aiko shouted in glee, unbothered by the annoyed glares sent her way by the other patrons of the cafe.

Y/N gently shook her head as she brought her hand closer to her face “Yes...and no.”

“Huh?”

“I told myself if he had noticed then I would’ve believed that there was hope for us. And if he didn’t then…” Y/N didn’t finish her sentence but it was clear what she wanted to say.

Which is why Aiko looked so upset as she yelled “Mom! You can’t be serious!”

Y/N simply shrugged at her daughter’s outburst “We’ve been together for the past hour now and he still hasn’t noticed.” She muttered.

“Maybe he did!” Aiko quickly defended her father, desperately holding onto the thin thread which held her family together.

“See, that’s the thing.” Y/N rested her hands on her lap as she turned to face her daughter “I’m tired of living life of what-ifs. I’m halfway through forty and it’s about time I wrap up this whole separation thing properly, with a divorce.” It was a harsh thing to say to her seventeen year old daughter but Y/N was exhausted. “Maybe even find myself a better man.”

“Mom!”

Y/N paid her daughter no mind and averted her gaze to her youngest child “Don’t you dare end up like your father, Sakumo.”

The silver haired year old wasn’t sure what his mother was saying but he nodded his head nonetheless. He didn’t know what kind of man his father was but he knew he didn’t want to be someone who was loud and noisy and would only wake up at noon. He would miss his Sunday morning cartoons if he did that.

Y/N’s phone brightened at the arrival of a new message, making Aiko comment on the time “Dad’s been gone for a while now. I wonder if he’s okay.”

Y/N shrugged, “Probably fell into the arms of some woman who laughed at his stupid jokes at the beach.”

Aiko scowled at her mother, “Why do you think so lowly of dad?”

Suddenly, a loud burst of laughter startled them. The trio turned their gaze to the entrance of the cafe and, lo and behold, Kakashi stood with two starstruck young women who appeared to be just a few years older than Aiko.

Y/N gave her daughter a look, as if to say “see”.

“I can’t believe the world famous detective Hatake Kakashi is staying at the same hotel as us!” One of the young women, with short blonde hair, gushed.

“Right? All the girls in class are gonna be so jealous!!” The other taller girl agreed, her iPhone clutched tightly between her fingers.

“We’re so lucky!” Giggled the blonde which caused Kakashi to laugh in glee at the way the women openly praised and admired him.

“I’m the lucky one to have such beautiful fans like yourselves.” He added a wink to his statement which had the girls squeal in delight at such a caringly display of fanservice.

Irritated by her husband’s adolescent behavior, Y/N shoved her chair back and stood up “Just as I thought.”

“No, wait, mom!” Aiko rushed to grab her mother’s arm to prevent her from leaving. “He probably ran into his fans on his way back! He’s just being nice.”

Gently, Y/N pulled back her arm and placed her hand on her hip, “Then how do you explain all that sand on his legs?”

Shocked, Aiko turned to face her dad and emitted a sound of disappointment.

“He supposedly washed up when we got back from the beach but his legs are covered in sand.” Y/N wondered aloud “I bet you he spotted one of those young women lying on the sand and he offered to rub sunblock on their backs. Though, I wonder if he brought them back here to show them off and make me jealous?” She snorted.

And for once, Aiko was at a loss for words. So, instead, she got up from her chair and marched up all the way to her father and harshly pinch his ear.

“Ow!” He yelled as he desperately tried to free himself from his daughter’s clutches “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“What are you doing?” Aiko asked instead as she finally let go.

Rubbing his ear to sooth the pain, Kakashi answered, “These two lovely women are part of my fanclub!” He gestured to his right before facing them “Let me introduce you to my family.” He said with a charming smile.

Aiko glared at the trio’s backs as they made their way to their table. Her plan of reuniting her parents and being a family was ruined thanks to these two women and her dad’s insanely high libido. She silently followed after them.

“Let me introduce you to the ladies first.” Kakashi had this lovesick expression and Aiko wanted to wipe it off of his face “The one with the blonde hair is Yumiko and the taller one is Fuyumi.”

Fuyumi offered a small wave while Yumiko grinned at them. She then noticed Sakumo munching away at his muffin, disinterested at the situation at hand, and pinched his cheek, “What a cute little boy!”

Sakumo just pulled away from the college student and rubbed his throbbing cheek. Aiko sniggered. There’s one thing that her brother hated the most in his life and that was being touched without his consent.

“Is he your son?” The blonde asked. To which Kakashi proudly nodded.

“He sure is. He takes after his handsome father!” He laughed loudly.

Aiko scoffed on her mother’s behalf “I’m his daughter, Aiko.” She introduced, hoping her mean demeanor would ward off the two women.

“It’s nice to meet you, Aiko.” Yumiko offered a friendly smile.

“And what about her?” Fuyumi asked in polite curiosity.

Kakashi briefly glanced to where Y/N was sitting and lazily gestured at her, “That’s Y/N. My-”

“His ex-wife.”

Yumiko looked surprised as she asked “You got divorced?!”

Before Y/N could respond, Aiko held her hands up and hurriedly explained “It was a joke!”

Kakashi pulled a cigarette stick from his packet and stuck it between his lips “Well, she’s not really joking. We’re halfway there.”

Out of nowhere, a hand was tightly clasped onto Kakashi’s shoulder “Oi, pervert!” A voice growled from behind “How dare you flirt with my fiance?”

Had Kakashi been younger and his previous self, the man would’ve received a suckerpunch to the jaw. Instead, Kakashi simply freed his shoulder and stepped a few ways to the side, “First of all, I wasn’t flirting with Fuyumi, it was Yumiko.” He huffed a ringlette of grey smoke “Second, I’m the famous detective Hatake Kakashi.” Instantly, the man’s demeanor changed as his lips were stretched upwards in delight “Really? I thought you looked familiar, I’m a big fan!”

Kakashi said nothing, brushing imaginary dust off of his shoulder.

“Hey! You guys wanna have lunch with us?” Yumiko suggested.

Before Aiko could turn down the blonde’s offer as she already had made reservations for a table for two at some restaurant she read online that was suitable for couples, her father instantly accepted Yumiko’s offer “We sure do!”

Lunch was a lively event filled with high pitched laughter from the young women and drunken guffaws from Kakashi as he entertained the young college women with stories of his youth during the police academy days.

The two gentlemen with the young women asked the now private detective everything they wanted to know about the thrilling and dangerous life of a former police officer turned detective. From types of guns to how did dead bodies look in real life and just how accurate were movies and t.v shows, they asked them all.

Y/N, however, just held onto her mist covered drink of lukewarm coke as she tuned out the giggle of the women that were half her age and blocked the image of a blushing Kakashi. Despite Fuyumi being engaged, she didn’t mind being extra friendly with the silver haired detective. Ridiculous.

Aiko watched the adults with a mix of worry and embarrassment in her eyes. She was worried about her mother and how she’s silently handling the situation at hand. It was no secret that her father was a shameless womanizer and the biggest drunk in all of Japan. Aiko was also embarrassed by her father making a fool out of himself just to hear the melodic praises falling from the young women’s luscious lips.

Sakumo seemed unbothered by the whole ordeal as he continued to eat his Kid’s Meal and observed the people occupying the restaurant. It was a hobby of his, to people watch and try to memorize every little detail in his surroundings. An unusual hobby for a seven year old, yes, but the Hatake family embraced it with open arms.

“I still can’t believe you’re all in the same scuba diving club.” Kakashi stated after gulping down half of his jug of beer.

“Yeah, we formed the club during our freshman year in college.” A young man with a middle part spoke. He was named Akira and he was engaged to Fuyumi. Akira had a happy-go-lucky kind of attitude and he was always smiling. “We all went diving earlier today.” Kakashi had a shit eating grin as he stated, “Then I guess today was your last day to enjoy the single life as divers since you and Fuyumi are getting married next week.”

“Dad!” Aiko hissed by Kakashi ignored her.

Akira smiled bashfully at the detective “We’re actually going again tomorrow. We’re kind of hoping that this tradition will continue even after we’re married.” He glanced at his future wife before he looked away with a tint of a red blush on his cheeks.

“Oh?” Kakashi lifted an eyebrow “I’ll give you two months before you change your mind. Marriage life is no walk in the park.”

Aiko, appalled by her father’s words, kicked him under the table which caused the silver haired man to hiss in pain. When he glared at his daughter, she just harrumphed at him and looked away.

“Now, now, Aiko. There’s no need to be upset.” Y/N spoke after not having said a single word for the past hour “Marriage life isn’t for everyone and some people are jealous of what other people have so they try to rain on their parade.” She gave a sly glance at Kakashi who just looked away in annoyance.

Sensing the tension, Yumiko redirected the topic of their conversation back to the diving club, “The big issue was getting Akira to join the diving club!” She chuckled, “That dork couldn’t swim whatsoever!”

Kakashi blinked at her “Can’t swim? Wouldn’t he drown?”

But the short haired woman just shook her head at him, “Nope!”

Akira’s friend, Tango, then added, “Even if you can’t swim, you just need to dive. After all, there is an oxygen tank attached.” And jugged down the remaining of his beer.

“All Akira can do is float ever since we were kids.” Fuyumi giggled behind her hand while her fiance whined at her with a cute little blush.

“Eh, since you were kids?” Aiko blinked at the couples with eyes which twinkled in excitement, “Then does that mean you were childhood friends?”

The two looked at the teen “Yeah.” Fuyumi replied. “We were.”

“Woah!” The twinkle of excitement in her eyes intensified “From childhood friends to a married couple, how romantic! That’s exactly like mom and dad!” She gushed as she not so subtly sneaked glances at her parents to agree with her.

“Childhood friends, huh?” Kakashi snorted “I wonder what sick bastard had fooled so many young couples by romanticizing such a notion when it’s nothing but a complete nightmare.”

Y/N tucked a lock of hair behind her ear “Only childhood friends stupid enough to actually carry out their childish fantasies and marry their friends know of such trauma.”

Kakashi then faced the soon-to-be-husband-and-wife “Well, this doesn’t concern you. However-” He then fished out his business card from his front pocket “If you ever doubted your wife’s faithfulness and wanted someone to trail after her…” He didn’t finish his sentence and instead slid his card across the table.

Instantly, another card was placed next to it as Y/N informed the couple of her assistance as a divorce lawyer “If you happened to get a divorce and you wanted to milk your husband dry of all of his money then feel free to contact me and I’ll be more than happy to help!”

The two separated couples engaged in a heated glaring contest as they both shoved their business cards into the young couple’s faces. Unaware of the uneasy atmosphere they’ve created nor the look of embarrassment and sadness masking their daughter’s expression.

Even young Sakumo felt his stomach drop at his parents’ words, even though he didn’t fully understand what they were saying. All that he knew was that his parents didn’t like each other and they wanted other people to be like them. Alone and miserable.  

It was at that moment that Toga decided to awkwardly clear his throat and ask, “By the way, whatever happened to Tadashi? Haven’t seen him since this morning.”

Akira used that moment to break eye contact with the glaring duo and turned to face Toga, thankful to have an excuse to change topics “He went snorkeling.”

“Snorkeling?” Kakashi asked, a new jug of beer in his hand. “Isn’t it bad if you went snorkeling without eating?”

It was Yumiko who decided to answer, “Yeah, he's a bit of a weirdo like that. Honestly, it’s like watching over a five year old.” She chuckled.

The college friends all laughed as they pictured an image in their head of their friend, Tadashi, throwing a temper tantrum because he had to get out of the ocean to eat but, instead, stubbornly remained in the water and continued his activities.

Things died down after that. Toga and Kakashi were discussing about dogs and which products were best suitable for them while Aiko asked her mother if she and Sakumo could get dessert.

“Hey, Yumiko.” At her name being called, the short haired college student looked up from her phone and into Fuyumi’s pleading eyes “Sorry, but could you please fetch me a towel from our room?”

“Huh?” Before Yumkio could question her friend and her request, Fuyumi pushed back her chair and stood up from her seat.

“Where are you going?” Her fiance asked with slight concern lacing his voice.

“Getting a little bit bored so I thought I should go diving again before the sun sets.” She answered as she pulled down her shorts and revealed her yellow bikini bottom.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? You just had a heavy lunch.” Yumiko worried her bottom lip as she tried, without success, to stop her best friend.

Fuyumi waved her off “I’m fine.” And placed her goggles over eyes “I won’t take long!” And with that, she rushed out into the sand and jumped into the sea.

The remaining occupants had remained at the restaurant. Choosing to wait for their heavy lunch to digest before they went swimming again.

Akira had joined Toga and Kakashi’s conversation on dogs and dog care before switching to their favorite female celebrities while Aiko texted away on her phone, to her school crush no doubt.

Y/N was staring out at sea, lost in her thoughts.

Whenever she would encounter happy and healthy married couples, she often found her mind wandering off over the same topic. What would her life be like if her parents hadn’t moved from the Middle East all the way to Japan for work when she was just two years old.

Would she have found love in a different man? A happier and more memorable marriage? Or would she fall in love with Kakashi at some point in her life despite being on different sides of the planet, chained by the heavy shackles of the red string of fate?

She stole a glance at her tipsy husband and scoffed silently. If she were to be fated to Kakashi in another life, she hoped that his personality would be better than what it is currently. It would be cruel of the universe to have her be paired up with a drunken womanizer, again.

It was an hour before sunset that Sakumo had lifted his head from his Nintendo switch at the sound of crashing waves and announced “The sea is angry.”

Aiko ruffled his white tuft of hair as Akira stood up from his seat and trailed his eyes over the occupants of the beach “I don’t see Fuyumi. I hope she’s alright.”

“Oh, Tadashi!” Yumiko suddenly gaped and began to wave at someone coming from behind Kakashi “You made it!”

Tadashi, a tall man with a tanned skin, laughed boisterously “I sure did and I’m starving!”

Yumiko just shook her head at him “Sit down and grab a menu.”

“Okay, mom.” Tadashi did as told and that’s when he asked “Where’s Fuyumi?”

“She went diving.” Akira responded.

And right at that moment, a scream could be heard coming from the sea. All heads turned towards the sound and were shocked to see Fuyumi struggling to keep afloat.

“Oh my god!” Akira yelled, “She’s drowning!” And rushed to save her but was pulled back by Toga.

“You idiot!” Shouted Toga as he shook the panicking Akira “You can’t swim! You’ll get yourself killed!”

Aiko, Yumiko and Tadashi chose that moment to run past them and jump into the sea and swim to where Fuyumi was to save her.

Once they were safe on land, it was discovered that a poisonous snake had bitten Fuyumi. After having a lengthy and angry discussion with the hotel manager, it was discovered that the snake that bit Fuyumi was not a native of the sea and was brought or purchased by someone.

“Wait, you’re not trying to say-” Yumiko gasped and covered her mouth with her hands as her eyes widened in shock.

“Are you saying that someone tried to murder Fuyumi?” Belowed Tadashi as he slammed his fsit on the counter.

Toga was on the phone talking to Akira who had went to the hospital with his fiance once the ambulance had been called.

“Hatake-san!” the young college student grabbed onto the detective’s arm as her honey colored eyes rapidly filled with unshed tears “Please!”

She didn’t have to say anything else as Kakashi had already suspected foul play. He didn’t frequent this kind of beach but something Aiko had mentioned earlier had troubled him. “There was something around the snake’s neck, like a pair of wings.” She said when the hotel manager had pulled out a book of all the animals habitating the beach. She had found a picture of the snake that had looked like the one that was swimming near where Fuyumi was drowning.

“That’s impossible.” The hotel manager stressed, “This type of snake couldn’t grow wings, nor did any other snake!”

“Maybe it was seaweed stuck to its head?” Yumiko guessed once she stood next to Aiko to get a closer look at the picture.

“Seaweed or wings, I’m impressed that you’re able to remember the tiniest detail. Well, I expect nothing less from the daughter of a world famous detective!” Kakashi had bragged with a wide grin stretched across his face.

“Oh, is that so?” Y/N spoke. She brought her hand up to her face as she examined it in what looked like boredom. “World famous detective but you failed to notice the missing ring on your wife’s finger.”

Kakashi however paid her no mind and decided to console a distressed Yumiko.

Y/N rolled her eyes at her husband’s carelessness while Aiko shook her head at her parents’ childish antics.

It took almost half a day for Kakashi to solve the attempted murder case. After hours of intensive research and careful observation, he had deduced that Yumiko was the one who attempted to kill Fuyumi.

After he had explained how Yumiko had managed to hide the snake in her room, bring it with her when Fuyumi had asked her to bring her a towel and then attached the snake to attack Fuyumi when they went to save her, the young college woman broke down.

Yumiko confessed that she was extremely jealous of Fuyumi because she was in love with Akira. She was enraged when Fuyumi had asked for her help to come up with a plan where Fuyumi pretended to drown and see if Akira would risk his life to save her. Knowing that Akira couldn’t swim and could actually die from this stupid scheme, she knew she had to get rid of Fuyumi.

Luckily, no one had died in the end. Fuyumi woke up later that night and had apologized to Yumiko and had confessed to being selfish for abusing Akira’s love.

With tears rolling down her cheeks, Yumiko whispered an apology and was quietly escorted to the police station where she would pay the price for her crime.

“Your deduction is as incredible as always!” Aiko, despite the horrific incident which had occurred earlier in the day, looked positively radiant. “You easily solved the case!”

“Hmph,” Aiko and Kakashi both turned to face Y/N, one with a confused expression while the other looked annoyed “You managed to solve that case easily but you have yet to notice that I’m not wearing my wedding ring. How thoughtless.”

Kakashi let out a long sigh and shoved his hand down his pocket to fish out a diamond band tossing it to Y/N “I found your stupid ring. Now quit bugging me about it.”

With a shocked expression, Y/N hurriedly reached out to snatch the ring midair “You found it...how?”

Kakashi stuffed his pinky finger into his ear “I found it under the beach umbrella you were using.” He answered with a monotone voice.

“But how did you know I dropped it?” Y/N asked in a quiet tone of voice “How do you know I didn’t intentionally leave it at home or sold it?”

Kakashi sighed yet again “Stupid.” He then crossed his arms, “You were wearing your glasses even though you’ve repeatedly stated you hated wearing your glasses at the beach. And since you’re nearsighted, I knew you were looking for something since it's not uncommon for people to lose their accessories at the beach.”

“Ah!” Aiko’s eyes grew wide in realization “Is that why your legs were covered in sand when you returned to the restaurant? You were searching for mom’s ring, weren’t you?”

“It’s not like I had any other choice. Your mom wouldn’t stop waving her left hand around and kept using her left hand even though she was right handed.”

A blush quickly appeared on Y/N’s cheeks “I couldn’t help it. I just wanted your-”

At that moment, a group of young women squealing Kakashi’s name appeared “Hatake Kakashi! Can we have your autograph?”

Instantly, Y/N’s blush disappeared and a scowl appeared on her face at the way her husband made a fool out of himself in front of the young women. Not wanting to hurt herself anymore, turned in her heels and made her way through the hotel exit.

“Wait, mom!” Aiko called out after her mother but Y/N refused to stop “Dad, mom’s leaving!” Kakashi, however, was too engrossed by his beautiful fans to listen to Aiko.

“Stupid.” Sakumo commented and Aiko couldn’t help but agree.

-

The next time the Hatake family had a second encounter with Y/N was a couple of months later. Summer was about to end and fall was just around the corner. Wanting to take advantage of the remaining summer days, Aiko had reserved a weekend getaway at some three star hotel in the next town over.

The trio had spent the whole morning at the pool. Sakumo played with the other kids while Aiko laid on a pool raft to get a nice tan for her body. Kakashi, on the other hand, sat on a beach chair and shamelessly ogled at all the attractive looking women surrounding him.

Aiko, who had just exited the pool to drink her hourly bottle of water to keep herself hydrated, had spotted her dad’s lustful gaze and flung her towel right in her face. The icy glare she had received from her father did nothing to frighten her or crumble her annoyed demeanor.

“We’re leaving!” The young teenger commanded, leaving no room for arguments.

His mood ruined, Kakashi just heaved out a sigh and followed after his daughter who waved at his youngest to join them. It was nearing lunch time anyway and he was practically starving.

“Don’t you feel bad for mom?” Aiko asked for the billionth time. The trio had already had their lunch and were at the hotel mall for a quick shopping spree. She didn’t stop asking the same exact question ever since they had exited the pool.

“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” Kakashi shrugged his shoulders, seeming unbothered by his daughter’s reprimanding. “Besides, it’s not like she hasn’t been on a few dates of her own. It’s only natural after all.” Kakashi’s chuckle of amusement of him picturing his wife going on multiple dates which turned into royal disasters was cut short when he ran into Sakumo.

“Mom.” Following his son’s finger which was pointed to the left, Kakashi’s amusement vanished from his face at the sight before him. His expression turned into one of surprise at her sudden appearance before it quickly turned sour.

Y/N was in the men’s section of some designer store that Kakashi couldn’t pronounce its name. She was a pale blue sundress that made her eyes pop. Her hair was let loose in elegant curls and a tiny bit of makeup adorned her face. In her right hand was a maroon colored bowtie while her left hand held another necktie in a dark shade of blue. She was showing both neckties to some man Kakashi had never seen before. The bright smile she displayed didn’t sit well with him whatsoever.

A little voice at the back of his head reminded him that Y/N was a grown woman and she was allowed to see whoever she wanted to see. Regardless if it was in a romantic manner or not. And as his silver wedding ring that he wore in a thin thread around his neck reminded him, the two of them were separated for the time being so he had no say in the matter. Even when they aren’t technically divorced, they both have the right to do whatever they want. So, seeing her with another man shouldn’t bother him. Just as he had managed to calm himself down and convince himself to walk away, Aiko chose that moment to barge into the store, all high and mighty “Mom!”

The two adults were so surprised by Aiko’s sudden outburst that they literally jumped in fright. Kakashi withheld his snigger because he didn’t want to appear as petty.

“Aiko? Sakumo? What are you guys doing here?” Y/N asked after calming down from her little fright.

“Don’t I get a greeting?” Kakashi’s left eye twitch in annoyance. Maybe he should be petty afterall since that’s how his wife is playing it.

Wanting to avoid the prying eyes of the other patrons, Y/N rushed everyone to the hotel’s restaurant located on the rooftop.

Once everyone was seated and their orders were placed, the Hatake family wouldn’t stop staring at Y/N and her...accompanying friend.

“So, mom. You didn’t tell me you had a new friend.” Aiko’s voice had a hint of accusation. As a mother, Y/N shouldn’t feel intimidated by her children or her husband’s strong gazes.

“Kaori-kun offered to accompany me while I shop and wait for our other lawyer friends. He works at the firm with me and he’s new and unfamiliar with the area.” The sweat drop didn’t help Y/N in appearing innocent whatsoever.

“Kaori-kun?” Kakashi’s mutter went unnoticed. His cigarette dangling between his lips as he took a deep inhale and puffed out grey ringlets “So, is he your new boy toy or something?”

A flush of anger tinted Y/N’s cheeks as she glared at her former husband, “He’s a friend.” She spat. Though, Kakashi still appeared unconvinced.

“Then what’s with the necktie you were buying earlier?” A sharp tone took his words and Y/N briefly wondered what Kakashi was thinking. Even though they’ve been separated for the past three years, she still knew Kakashi like the back of her hand. It’s just that, she had never seen Kakashi act this way before.

“A friend of mine asked me to run this errand for her.” Y/N calmly explained, trying not to let Kakashi’s earlier remark get to her. “And since I’m not familiar with men’s wear, I was asking for Kaori-kun’s opinion.”

Kaori, although appearing awkward by the whole ordeal or the fact that he felt intimidated by Kakashi’s glare, nodded his head in agreement. “Though, I really thought it was Y/N-sepnai’s shy way of buying me a present.”

“Kaori-kun!” Y/N gaped and could feel the blush rapidly growing on her cheeks. She glanced at Kakashi and was surprised to see his dark expression directed at Kaori. Aiko was no help either as she, too, glared at her colleague. Sakumo, bless his soul, was playing games on his phone. Unbothered and uninterested by the situation at hand.

Thankfully, the waitress chose that time to place their beverages on the table and for once in the past eight years which had led to their separation, Y/N noticed that Kakashi didn’t spare a single glance at the waitress despite the flirtatious looks she was giving him.

Shortly after the waitress had left, the glares were still strong and the awkward silence was suffocating. Y/N twirled her straw in her virgin pina colada, too tensed by the silence to really do anything.

Thankfully, a high pitched voice interrupted the maddening silence “There you are!” And a woman with shoulder length hair appeared with a delighted smile, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you two!”

“Michiko-chan.” Y/N sighed in relief. If Michiko had arrived, then her other friends were here and her and Kaori could easily excuse themselves to another table and escape those harsh and judgemental glares from her family.

“Come on, your highness. The rest are waiting!” Michiko tugged at Y/N’s arm to pull her up from her chair but Sakumo’s words caused her to halt.

“Highness?” He asked with a tilt of his head.

“You didn’t know, little boy.” The brown haired woman smiled down at him, “Y/N-senpai is the reigning queen of the judicial branch. Her icy demeanor and debatable skills are envied and admired by many, if not all lawyers and judges in this city. Earning her the rightful title: Queen of Lawyers.”

Aiko and Sakumo gaped at their mother in awe. They were well aware that their mother was a lawyer but they didn’t know just how successful she truly was. They were seeing her in a new light and their respect for her increased tenfold.

“Stop it already.” Y/N muttered as she shyly took a sip from her drink. “You guys are the only ones who call me that.”

“Actually, the police call you that too.” A tall and broad man with a buzzcut spoke up behind Michiko “They’d rather take a bullet than disappoint you.” He sniggered to himself.

Kakashi’s expression soured as he put out his dying cigarette and lit up a newer one.

“But, Y/N might be facing some competition.” Aiko blinked at the handsome man, “Eh, what do you mean?”

“Well, Michiko-chan is our up and coming lawyer who has yet to lose a case. If Y/N is the queen then Michiko-chan is the princess.”

“Heiji.” Y/N whined at the taller man, her blush from earlier intensified making it more prominent and difficult to miss.

“It’s the truth, senpai.” Michiko smiled at her colleague, “Though, I could only hope to be as successful and as beautiful as you. I’ve got a long road ahead of me!” The two other men laughed and threw in a word or two of encouragement for Michiko, all the while Y/N continued to blush and Kakashi continued to glare.

“But that’s nothing compared to the success of the famous detective Hatake Kakashi.” Michiko turned to face the detective and batted her eyes at the man “I’m a big fan.”

Kakashi shrugged, “I’m just a humble man married to an arrogant queen.” The glare Y/N sent his way did not phase him.

“Forgive me,” Y/N spoke with a lazy smile, “I may be arrogant but at least I wasn’t stupid enough to remain with a manwhore of a detective who couldn’t say no to a pair of tits and good booze.”

“Moth-er!” but the two ignored their daughter’s outburst as they laughed in haughtiness at their own jabs against each other.

It was Kaori who cut in into their mocking laughter, “Oh, come on, senpai. Don’t act like you hate the guy!” Before Y/N could stop him from saying anything further, he continued, “You literally have a scrapbook of every last article regarding Hatake-san’s cases.”

Kakashi’s demeanor relaxed and his gaze softened while his wife lightly smacked her younger colleague, “Kaori-kun!”

Seeing that both of her parents had stopped fighting and not wanting to miss this opportunity of getting her parents back together, Aiko helpfully added, “That’s just like dad!” Her mother turned to face her in surprise with panicky eyes, “Dad secretly reads all the articles about mom’s cases every night before bed.”

“Oi, Aiko!” But the young girl ignored her father’s outburst. Too pleased with herself for exposing her dad’s “not-so-secret” secret.

“Well, in that case, “Heiji interrupted, “How about we all have dinner together?”

The couple were too shy to turn down the tall lawyer’s offer and simply nodded their heads as they stared down at their table. Later that night, when everyone had too much to eat to the point of a stomach ache and too much to drink to be able to walk on their two feet without wobbling, Y/N had had just about enough with dinner.

In the three years she had been separated and tolerating Aiko’s schemes of reuniting her with her husband, Y/N finally allowed herself to hope that she could see a future with her still married and deeply in love with Kakashi. That they were back as a healthy and loving family. She allowed herself to spread her wings and fly to her dreams only to come crashing down in fire flames at the shitshow that was occuring before her tired eyes.

“Michiko-chan, how about I become your boyfriend?” Kakashi slurred happily, his arm draped around the lawyer princess’s shoulder.

“H-Hatake-san.” Michicko chanced a glance at her senpai and almost leapt from her skin at the murderous glare she was receiving from Y/N.

“You’re much cuter than someone I know.”

“Dad!” Aiko whined and frantically tried to stop her father from further embarrassing himself, her mother and everyone else at the table.

Silently, Y/N shouldered her purse and made her way towards the exit of the restaurant. So much for the weekend getaway with her co-workers. If she had known that she would run into Kakashi and her family, then she would’ve turned down Heiji’s offer and spared herself the heartache of seeing Kakashi making a fool out of himself at any woman who bats their eyes at him.

“Mom!” Y/N didn’t bother to reply to her daughter as she chased after her “Wait up!”  And continued her way to her bedroom for some shut eye and to forget this night had ever happened.

“Don’t get mad at dad! You know how he is when he gets drunk.” Aiko tried to defend her father with her endless list of excuses but that didn’t stop Y/N from walking her way to her room. “And today you were with another man...buying a necktie.”

Y/N let out a heavy sigh, “It’s for your father.”

“What?” Aiko blinked at her mother. She watched with watery eyes as her mother rummaged her purse and pulled a long and rectangular box wrapped in a baby blue paper wrap.

“Tomorrow's our anniversary.” Y/N faced her daughter

“I feel so stupid buying something for that asshole.” Y/N explained, “I’m so angry at myself for being so weak. For not being able to get over your dad and move on. For holding onto that tiny glimmer of hope. I’m so stupid.” Y/N desperately tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill.

“Then why didn’t you?” Aiko asked, unaware of the harshness in her eyes.

“I felt sorry for you and Sakumo.” Y/N offered a weak smile, “I thought that maybe I would forgive him when I see him tomorrow when I drop by his office. After our trip to the beach, I honestly thought that maybe he had changed. Guess I was wrong.”

“Mom, you should be more understanding dad went through a lot-” Aiko stopped herself at the sound of her mother’s scoff.

“Understanding? You want me to be more understanding?” Aiko’s throat tightened up at the sheen layer of tears in her mother’s eyes “I was more than understanding, Aiko. I was there for him when Rin and Obito died. I was there for him when the police station fired him due his lack of displence and incompetency-showing up to work hungover, drinking on the job and failing to solve any of the cases assigned to him. I was there for him.”

Y/N didn’t mean to glare at her daughter but the memories of that dark period in her life was very painful “I put up with your father’s downfall, pushed through Sakumo’s birth and supported my newborn child and grieving husband and I wouldn’t have mind continuing, Aiko. Really, I wouldn’t have. I was willing to put up with his drunken ass even though he knows how I feel about alcohol. But coming home drunk smelling like another woman? I couldn’t-” Her choked sob ripped through Aiko’s heart “He never cheated. Your father isn’t that heartless but that didn’t mean he didn’t stare at any woman in his line of vision. Didn’t stop him from making a flirtatious remark or two.”

There was a long stretch of silence. Y/N was trying to collect herself and stop the tears from flowing, slowing down her breathing. Aiko on the other hand was unpacking all of the emotional baggage of her mother. She never thought to stop and think how her mother was feeling. At a very young age, she didn’t notice the strain in her parents’ relationship. All that she knew was that one moment her mother was studying her court cases and seeing her father off before he went to work and the next, her mother stormed off with tears flowing down her cheeks with two suitcases in each hand. After that, she had to step in and take over the role of a mother. It wasn’t easy.

“I’m sorry.” Aiko whispered, gaze downcast as she held back her tears “I was ignorant and only focused on dad. I didn’t know that you were hurting just as much.”

“It’s fine.” Y/N sniffled, “It isn’t something you should burden yourself with.”

“You’re wrong.” The teenager finally stared into her mother’s eyes, “I should be involved in this. You’re my parents and I love you both!”

“Aiko.” Y/N sighed, not sure how to get past her daughter’s stubbornness.

Suddenly, Aiko snatched the box from her mother’s hand-ignoring her little yelp of protest-and stared at her mother with fiery determination, “I’ll give it to dad for you if you’re too scared.”

“Hold it right there!” Her mother said sternly. Her lips were stretched downwards into a frown that Aiko was certain that her mother often wore in the courtroom to appear more professional. “I understand that you want to help but I should be the one who’s going to give him the present.”

Y/N was becoming impatient and was regretting purchasing the stupid tie and giving into her daughter’s schemes of rekinlding her and Kakashi’s love. After that whole scene in the hallway, the two had returned to the restaurant only to find it empty. Save for little Sakumo who was watching a video on his phone.

“Did everyone leave?” Aiko asked and almost perfectly mirrored her mother’s frown at her father’s negligence.

“Dad said he was feeling tired and wanted to sleep.” Meaning that Kakashi was very drunk and wanted to sleep it off.  

Sighing, Aiko picked up Sakumo in her arms, “He’s probably in his room. Let’s give him his present and call it a night.”

Kakashi’s room was empty. After knocking on his door for nearly ten minutes, Y/N decided that he must not be in. She asked Aiko if she could open the door with her card key but the two had booked two separate rooms.

With a taste of bile in the back of her throat, the trio decided to see if Kakashi was still with Michiko.

“I’m sorry to bother you so late,” Y/N’s eyes were wide in worry. “But have you seen my husband?”

Michiko glanced over her shoulders, “I don’t think so?” She replied as she opened the door even more, as if to show Y/N that she was completely alone.  “Is something wrong?”

“Our dad’s missing!” Aiko stated, Sakumo nodding his head in agreement. He looked just as concerned as his mother. “We’ve checked everywhere but we couldn’t find him.”

“Maybe he was walking around and fell asleep somewhere?” Michiko tried to help with her optimism which Aiko was grateful for.

When the trio had walked away, a wicked smirk etched its way across Michiko’s lips as she quietly closed her door.

Sorry, Y/N. Michiko thought to herself as she walked further into her room, The only way that could beat you is if I became you. The only thing I need is…

In her bed slept a drunken detective with his silver hair tousled across the pillow, his snores were loud and deep.

The chuckle Michiko emitted was one of cruelty.

If your husband was discovered in my bed, you’ll be devastated and too heartbroken to be at the top of your game. And that’s when I’ll swoop in and steal your crown as the Queen of Lawyers.

The trio had literally searched everywhere; the lobby, the park, the swimming pool and Y/N’s lawyer friends but Kakashi was nowhere to be found. Y/N’s was beginning to panic, thinking that something bad might have happened. Like a vengeful criminal she had sent to jail had murdered her husband in revenge.

Upon seeing Y/N’s expression of distress, Heiji and Kaori decided to help with her search for Kakashi despite it being close to midnight.

After searching for nearly two hours, Kakashi’s search party decided to ask Michiko for her help. Hoping that Kakashi might have gone to her room in his drunken haze.

“Do not disturb.” The adults heard Sakumo read the sign on the door. “It wasn’t there before.”

Heiji chuckled, “She probably went to bed and didn’t want anyone to disturb her.” And ruffled his silky silver locks.

“You don’t think…” Kaori muttered to himself. But Aiko had heard him and couldn’t help but to glare at him. She had never liked the man since the second she had him with her mother.

Y/N probably heard Kaori’s mumble as she had pulled out her phone from her purse and dialed Kakashi’s number with a heavy scowl on her face.

Two seconds later, the ringing of a phone came from behind Michiko’s door. Anger flashed in Y/N’s eyes but she quickly composed herself. “That’s Kakashi’s phone. I’m sure of it.”

“N-No.” Aiko looked closed to tears.

“Kaori-kun, please run to the front desk and get a spare card key.” Y/N instructed

After the hotel employee had scanned the card car, Y/N opened the door but was stopped by the keychain. “It’s locked.” She tried to get a closer look at the inside of the room and what she saw had her screaming at the top of her head.

“Y/N-senpai?” Kaori itched closer and held Y/N’s arm. “What is it?” Peering into the room, all the color drained from his face. Without second thoughts, Kaori kicked the door open, breaking the keychain and rushed into the room.

“Michiko-san! Michiko-san!” Kaori shook the young woman repeatedly to no avail.

“Wait.” Y/N crouched down Michiko’s body and placed her index and middle finger on her neck, “There’s no pulse. She’s dead.”

Heiji let out a gasp of surprise while Aiko hurried to shield Sakumo’s vision from the dead body laying on the ground.

At that moment, a groan can be heard coming from the bed, “Why is it so noisy?” and Kakashi’s head popped from under the blanket.

“Dad!”

“H-honey?” Y/N’s eyes were as wide as saucers as she quickly understood the situation at hand.

Kakashi just tilted his head in confusion at everyone’s shocked expressions. Yawning, Kakashi climbed out of bed, “Just what’s going on here?”

“Honey, wait!” Kakashi halted at Y/N’s sharp command. If he could see himself in the mirror, he would see that he looked very surprised. Whether it was because of his wife calling him a term of endearment or because of her harsh command, it was unknown. “The phone cord over there could be the murder weapon.”

“Murder weapon…?” Kakashi glanced down at the phone cord. “What are you talking about?” he followed Y/N’s gaze and was horrified to see Michikio’s dead body.

“We found her dead.” Y/N answered her husband’s unasked question, “There’s a thick mark on her neck that resembles the phone could. Possible death was strangulation.”

When the police had came and Michiko’s body was taken away, the crime was instantly pinned on Kakashi seeing as there wasn’t anyone else inside the room at the time of the murder.

“Dad didn’t do it!” Aiko pleaded with the police. “Please, he couldn’t hurt anyone! Right, mom?”

“Criminal Law, Article 199.” Y/N spoke with a cold voice. “If one committed a murder, he will have a life sentence with a minimum of three years solitary confianment with no chance of parole. In the worst case scenario, execution.”

“Mom!” But Y/N ignored her daughter as she glared up at her husband.

“I’m sorry, detective Hatake.” A young police officer who couldn’t be older than twenty two years old cuffed Kakashi’s hands, “All evidence points to you so we have to take you down to the station.”

Kakashi allowed himself to be escorted with dignity, ignoring the judgmental and disapproving stares from Y/N’s friends.

“Y/N-senpai,” Kaori stood next to his friend and superior “Are you going to be his attorney?”

“Sorry but I’ll pass.” Y/N crossed her arms, “I don’t want to defend a shameless drunken womanizer turned murder.”

“How could you say that!” Aiko cried, “He’s your husband!”

“Oh really? Because for the past three years, it didn’t feel like it.” Y/N screamed. “I can’t ruin my reputation over a man like him. What would all of my fellow feminsit say if I had defended a man like him?”

Kakashi harrumphed, “I don’t want to be defended by a cold hearted bitch either.” It was a low blow but the detective didn’t care. “If you show your face at the station with no apparent reason, I won’t be too kind to you.” Before he could exit the room, Kaori spoke.

“I refuse to believe that Hatake-san could do such a thing.” The silver haired detective glanced behind his shoulder, “I’ll be his attorney.” And followed the man out of the room.

Once everyone had exited-save for the young police officer-Michiko’s room and Y/N had sent Aiko and Sakumo to their room, she began to investigate the scene of the crime.

Even though she had made a big show of being mad at Kakashi and taking a few jabs at his pride, she couldn’t believe that her husband was a murderer. So, she took it upon herself to clear his name before the media outlet got wind of the situation at hand.

“So, you still love him?” Y/N ignored the police officer and continued her investigation. Honestly, if she could she would’ve kicked him out but she needed him here with her if she wanted to solve the crime and find the actual murderer without having any biased judgement.

The two continued their thorough investigation for nearly four hours. The sun was beginning to rise and the birds started their day with melodic chirps. Y/N and the young police officer were exhausted but they’ve finally cracked the case. Once they were confident with their deduction, they called everyone-sans for Kakashi as he was still at the police station being interrogated- back to Michiko’s room.

The two had discovered that Kaori was the murder and in explained in full detail how he had committed his perfect locked room murder.

Kaori’s face went pale as he listened to Y/N and the police’s deduction. His body began to shake and sweat began to collect at his forehead and underarm at the steel look he received from Y/N. Despite all of that, Kaori couldn’t help but to stare in awe at Y/N.

“Now I know what it's like to be confronted by the Queen of Lawyers.” Kaori said breathlessly, “You were amazing.”

“Thank you.” Y/N replied not too unkindly, “I just don’t know what was your motive. Though, I suspect it’s the current case she’s working on.”

Kaori heaved a heavy sigh as he slid to the ground in defeat. “Yeah, the factory she’s defending will be built in my hometown. The citizens have been protesting for years and I wanted them to win no matter what. When I started working here and learned that Michiko was in charge of the case. I knew I had to have her gone.”

He looked at Y/N, the senpai he admired so much, “I was planning on making it look like a suicide but I was startled to see Hatake-san passed out on her bed. It was the perfect opportunity to pin the crime on him.” He then smiled at her, “I just didn’t think that Y/N-senpai still loved her husband so much to the point of defending him.”

Y/N crouched down in front of the criminal, “While I understand why you did it, Michiko took the case as a job. There was no animosity.” She spoke with dejection. “Did you have to kill her?”

“If she had really taken it as a job then, no. I wouldn’t have killed her.” His expression became dark, “But when I learned that she was harassing people, my people, to increase her reputation as the ice princess and beat you, I knew I had to do something.”

Y/N’s stared at him in confusion, “To beat me?”

“Yeah.” Kaori lowered his gaze, “The reason she brought Hatake-san to her room was for that reason as well. She wanted to break you in every way possible and see you fall.”

“I c-can’t believe it.”

Kaori then pulled himself up and dusted his pants off, “Although, that would have worked for me as I’ve been wanting to to be mine for a long time, I just couldn’t bear the thought of seeing you so heartbroken.”

The blush on Y/N’s cheeks appeared unintentionally. She was too shell-shocked to say anything. All that she could do was watch as the policemen cuffed Kaori and escorted him to the police station.

Later that afternoon, Kakashi was released from the station with sincere apologies from the police as they personally drove him back to the hotel. Stepping into the pool area of the hotel to unwind after a long and exhausting night, he bumped into the young police officer from the night before.

“Hatake-san!” he greeted in delight, “Your wife was amazing-”

“We’re not together.”

“She managed to gather all of the evidence and discover who the true criminal was all on her own.” He smiled brightly at the irritated detective. “I expect nothing less from the wife of world famous detective Hatake Kakashi!” and then winked at him.

Kakashi rubbed his temple at the headache that formed rapidly. “Speaking of,” he interrupted the police officer’s rambles, “Where...is she?”

The office gave him a sly smirk, “She’s over there.” And pointed to a spot behind Kakashi. Turning, he spotted Y/N sitting at a table near the edge of the pool. Her back was facing him.

Fixing his colored and disheveled hair, Kakashi shoved his hands into his pockets and walked the short distance to Y/N’s table. He stared at the back of her head and admired the complicated looking updo. Briefly, he remembered nights from his past when his wife would return home and undo her whatever hairstyle she was sporting. He remembered that he would gaze in awe as her long locks fell across her shoulders and how he would grab a stray look and twirl it around his finger.

Clearing his throat, Kakashi willed those images away.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Kakashi’s voice was low and breathy. “For putting you in such a tough spot. Though, just know that I believed in you. I believed that you could clear my innocence.”

Y/N was quiet, not moving an inch.

Rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment, Kakashi continued. “And, uh...I’m tired of Aiko’s cooking. You’re terrible at it but Aiko is somehow much worse.” He let out a shaky chuckle. “And I oddly miss your cooking.” The blush on his ears were so red that Kakashi was certain it could be seen all the way up from the penthouse.

Still, Y/N said nothing.

Letting out a heavy breath, Kakashi’s voice sounded wearied as he said. “Can you please come back to me soon? I can’t take it anymore.”

Y/N remained silent. Peering over her shoulder, he saw she had a book in her hand and deduced that she was too embarrassed to face him so she focused on the book.

“You know, today’s our anniversary.” Kakashi smiled, his eyes turned into crescents. “And I thought it would be perfect if…”

Kakashi grew frustrated at Y/N’s lack of response so, in a fit of annoyance, he grabbed her shoulder and turned her around to face him, “Hey, are you listening to me?”

“Huh?” Y/N pulled out one of her airpods, startled by Kakashi’s appearance. “Do you want something?” She glared at him.

It was at that moment that Aiko and Sakumo ran up to their parents with poorly hidden enthusiasm. “So, what are you talking about?”

Sakumo held his arm up towards his mother who gladly carried him and sat him on her lap, landing a peck on his head.

“Nothing.” Kakashi looked away. “I was just thinking how long it took for the Queen of Lawyers to solve the case. If she was that slow then I don’t think I want her as my lawyer. Ever.”

Insulted, Y/N stood up and handed Sakumo to Kakashi then shouldered her purse, “This is the thanks I get for saving your sorry ass?” She scoffed. “I should’ve let you rot in jail.” And marched away from her family in a fit of rage.

In her car, Y/N connected her phone to the car stereo via bluetooth and played the newest audio file in her voice recording app.

“Can you come back to me soon? I can’t take it anymore.” Kakashi’s voice filled the car. “You know, today’s our anniversary. And I thought it would be perfect if…”

Y/N replayed the audio and listened to Kakashi’s cute little love confession repeatedly all the way home.

I’m not forgiving you yet, Ka-chan. She thought to herself. Words are cheap and actions are expensive. I want to see how much you’re willing to pay.

[madllamamomma]

I Think I Have a Problem.... (A personal true story).

So as the title suggests, I have a strange problem…. Just as a warning, this is about my view of my younger self. It is about religion, and gender identity. This is not how I see the world anymore. It was how I told how the world should look. If you are offended in any way, please know this is a vent post and nothing to hurt anyone else. This is just what happened to me as a child. Shit….. This is about to get very long winded, so buckle up and here we go… *takes deep breath*

So a little backstory on your Mother Llama: I was raised in a weird backward ass “Independent” Baptist church most of my young life. If you guys don’t know what those are, be thankful…. But I guess I should explain it the best way I can…. they are a borderline cult. Yes. I said it. I’m not sorry. It may sound like an extreme accusation, but hold on. Just listen to me.

Now, I have no problem with Christians, or religion. You should believe whatever you want to believe in…. I do however, have a problem when religion is used as an excuse to not educate minds about the real world, force them to not let them think for themselves, and when someone questions any of it, they are punished or shamed for it instead of thinking about an answer. If you can’t tell, I am still a little angry about that shit. Imma try to keep on topic here….

I wasn’t taught science (real science anyways, it was all about ‘creation’ bs—OH! And being anything but a cis straight person was compleltly unexceptable. Woman were the weaker sex and were made to raise babies and take care of the husband. Men were superior and should be taken care of.) nor about World history or about other cultures, other than biblical of course. And when they were mentioned, they made them look evil and behave like heathens because they didn’t believe the same as they did. Everything changed when I went to public school half of fourth grade when my family moved to a different state and there wasn’t any church school like I went to. I learned a lot those years, that ‘The World’ wasn’t as bad of a place as they said it was. It was vast and had many things to offer. (No, not the World, Dio’s stan power from Jojo’s bizarre adventures—that is what our pastors called anything outside of the Baptist approved realm. Something ‘Worldly’ was basically something sinful and ungodly and therefor was bad and wrong).

So this may seem like a strange Segway in to what I am actually getting at, but I had a huge crush on this boy back when I was young and it started when I was about 12 or 13 years old and ended when I was 16. He was the same age as me, and he was the son of a pastor of a small church of about 20 people, mostly military families— we will call him.... D.... for dick...

I thought for a long time that I ‘loved’ D. I thought that ‘God made him for me’ (yes I really said that and it hurt to even write it). I really thought I knew what love was back then, but I was very wrong.

D was homeschooled, he didn’t have many friends and was also a navy brat like I was. So, naturally, we got along very well, and I would hang out with him at his house sometimes. We mainly played video games I was terrible at and he would always bet me. But I liked hanging out with him, so I didn’t care if I won or not. My heart for some reason was totally head over heels over D. And he liked me too for a while… or at least I thought he did… He however never made a move. I always thought D was just too shy, and didn’t know how to ask me. Any time I tried holding his hand, I’d chicken out. It was a stalemate. But this particular church did a thing where people had to court. Yes... COURT someone, not DATE (Courting is where you had adult chaperones keeping an eye on you two, you were never really alone. Ever, because apparently you can’t be trusted?). When we both turned 15 yo, D started a private Christian school. Being the awkward girl I was, I never told him how I felt, I just waiting for him to say something. Time passed, and I still waited and waited for him to ask me out.

But here’s the thing! He didn’t know the real me.

I was in public school, in middle school, and I started to become a weeb. Like a super cringy weeb that didn’t like anything else but anime—I was also kinda emo/punk kid thought I was edgy. (Yeah rock music was bad too, it was ‘Worldly’).Not a very good mix for Baptist I know. At school, I was one person, and at church I was another.

Well, being an anime fan meant I was exposed to a lot of things like the LGTB+ community for the first time. A lot of my friends at the time started to come out other than straight and that was very new to me.

During that time, I soon was starting to secretly question my faith, my understanding of my own sexuality and gender. Like, maybe people liking the same sex or both is actually not a bad thing after all (if you haven’t seen any of my works, hopefully you guys know that I know better that what I was taught—I am a proud fuckin’ ally! I still consider myself cis-straight, but some days I feel like I’m bi-curious, and that’s ok! It took me a long time to realize that, but I’m here now. Gender roles are dead and stupid.)

So here is the kicker~ One faithful day we had a guest pastor join us for a few weeks from another church. This mother fuckin’ nasty ass old white man from Alabama came with his ‘perfect quiet godly’ wife. Who badly ever spoke a damn word. She always just sat in the corner all ‘ladylike’.

—Oh!!! Another fun fact, I didn’t wear pants for a year when I was 10 yo becasue that was considered “cross dressing”— I’m dead fucking serious. My parents then decided after attending sporting events and stuff like that to drop that ludicrous lifestyle, becasue it was stupid. So, Outside of church, my family and I still wore pants and shorts and whatever, but in church we pretended that we didn’t wear anything but modest skirts, dresses, and long culottes. (That’s a little damaging…. don’t you think? Telling people your one thing, when in reality you're not like that at all??)

Anyways— I hated skirts, especially wearing them in the state we lived in, it was way too hot and I’d get chafed (these had to be knee length or longer btw). And of course that guest preacher would preach about the sins of women wearing pants, but I didn’t care. I wore them for so long, it just made me angry anytime someone would bring that up. I liked my jeans and I was starting to become a rebel teen who gave less than a fuck and started to speak my mind. Which was dangerous to that community…. Also I had a bad tendency of not keeping my legs together when I bent down, and one time I accidently showed my underwear (that’s really embarrassing btw, it’s not cute, it’s not funny, it’s awful when you're 14 yo-- really any age actually).

So, one day I wore a long jean skirt for a youth outing with the church. I was required to wear it, but I always wore leggings underneath so I wouldn’t accidentally show my undies if I fell down or the wind blew it. This fucker had to say something about it. The old man turned to me with a wrinkled smirk as I was passing by him and dared to utter, “Now, don’t you feel most femine and ladylike in that skirt? I’m sure Jesus would like seeing you like that.”

My shoulders clench up tight, my brow furrows. All I can remember seeing is fucking red and actually trembling with fury. (This was happening in my pastor, D’s father’s, own living room mind you.) D was there watching as I blanched about ten shades of red in anger and embarrassed because that prick of an old man called me out in front of everyone. I turned to him and half shouted, “NO! I don’t!” I could see my pastor’s mouth drop to the floor as I began to completely obliterate this old man. But I couldn't stop myself as I started to further cut into him. “—I hate wearing skirts! I don’t feel ladylike! In fact, they make me feel vulnerable! What if some guy tries to rape me! They won’t have any problem getting to me!—Why is something with a whole on the bottom more ladylike than something that actually covers me?! I like pants! They are comfortable and they make me feel safe! Why is that a sin to wear something that is more covering?!?! I’m not cross dressing, my mom bought them in the girl’s session!! [Keep in mind that was a long time ago, I don’t feel like people should care about what section they get their clothes from, wear what you want] And what do you know about wearing a skirt?! You’re a man! You try wearing them! They suck! You need to stop telling me what I can and can’t wear! I’m not dressing like a whore for wearing something with a crotch!! SO LEAVE ME ALONE!!” Everyone in the living room was just stunned at my audacity to dare speak to this pastor like I did. But he was so fucking quiet after that. And I stormed out of the house and the guest pastor never spoke to me again about it. Luckily my mom came and picked me shortly after that. She was angry too after I told her what happened. That old fuck singled me out and I was pissed off. I was a teenager and that shit was embarrassing!

But I made the mistake of showing my true self. I think after that moment, D stopped liking me after that.

Some shit went down south with my parents behind closed doors of my household, and eventually they got divorced. They left the small church because the pastor didn’t approve of it. Pastor said that my parents just needed more counseling but he didn't understand that they just needed to not be together. Sometimes you can’t make things work. Especially when your dad is a toxic piece of shit that only cares about himself.

Anyways, everyone in my family left the church, but I stuck around that shit-hole just to see if D would ask me out. I was so desperate, I felt like I waited forever, but really it was like 2-3 years, and I felt like I couldn’t give up. Eventually D and I turned 16. He started to become distant and a little mean towards me and I became confused and started to realize the worst. Finally, I was tired of waiting so I asked his older sister if he liked me on the way back taking me home. I could see it in her face, that she didn’t want to have my heart broken, but reluctantly she told me no. He actually liked another girl at his new private school and was going to ask her parents to court her instead.

I was so devastated.... It hurt so much, I cried myself to sleep that night, and most of that week I was very sad.

Obviously, after that, I stopped going to church entirely, I couldn't show my face anymore. Finally let myself question my faith, sexuality, gender roles, and humanity all together. And realized that religion was stupid (in my opinion at the time) and I came u with the conclusion that people can be sheep. I was a sheep for a long time. And I refuse to be one ever again.

High school was very enjoyable after that, and I let myself grow and started to love other religions and world history, and tried to stop being so judgmental of others and what they felt like. I even got into a relationship with a sweet boy around my age.

Eventually in college, after a break-up with my high school sweetheart, I reconnected with D via FB. Apparently, the church went under and his parents moved away to Greece to be missionaries or something. D still lives in the same town I’m in, but graduated from a “Christian academy”—not Catholic, Christian. Catholic colleges are accredited at least. But he basically told me he was a secret “bad boy” now. He lost his virginity in highschool, (like I did) and he was totally trying to booty call me. Not even hiding it either! He was like, “Hey, Llama, you wanna fuck?”.

And I was like, “D! You broke my fucking heart when we were young! Don’t you remember that???”

And he was like, “Oh no! I had no idea! (the fuckin’ liar). Well, we can fuck now!~ *wink, wink*”

🤨

This is where I was a jerk.... Because he broke my heart. I led him on, told him I would meet up with him at his house to sleep with him, and just didn’t show up—ghosted him ever since. The worst part about that, is I still don’t regret doing that to him. I hope I hurt his feelings and felt like an ass like I did.

So years have passed, I consider myself as a rather successful woman now. I’m 27, I consider myself Buddhist (I am a terrible Buddhist I know), I am an Occupational Therapy Assistant and I have a great husband (I married the guy I was with in high school). And he loves the real me—the crazy closet weeb, cartoon watching, creative, expressive, me! The person who also writes fanfiction about a romance novel and he is fine with it. Because he is a huge nerd too and we are both nerds together.

My husband is my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without him. When I write about Rhemi and Muriel, I draw a lot of inspiration with our conversation we have and how relationship dynamics are and I think it makes the writing more authentic and makes them feel a bit more real.

I love my husband more than anything… So why do I keep dreaming about that stupid asshole that just liked the fake me? D was and always will be a total tool. He is like the basic bitch of a man. And yet I still find him creeping in my dreams and I try to cheat on my husband with him in them. I wake up feeling totally terrible and weird after them too. D is a terrible fucking person—the worst person you can be in my opinion—The kind of person why lies and tells people one thing, but hides the fact that he’s really just a nasty fuck boy. If you are one, just be honest! Don’t tell another woman you're a good christan man, when really you’ve slept with not just one, but multiple girls! That how you get fucking STDs! I hate being lied to, and I’m sure other girls do too! So I guess that’s why I do, because I felt like I was lied to my entire life. Then again, why should I even care?! Why do I feel like I still obsess over him? I hate him so much now! So why do I even care? Why do I still find myself stalking him on social media? Why does it even matter? Why do I want him to see I’m happy without him? Why do I want him to see what he could have had with me? We were just stupid teenagers! Why did I care so much? Why did it hurt so much when I found out he didn’t like me?! It’s been over a decade, and we didn’t even really date! Why did this affect me so hard? …. FUCK!

So yeah. That’s my long ass rant for you all… thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[graveyard-tales]

I have a lot of thoughts. *jesters awkwardly to this post*

I just want Toza more involved with the boy’s life. 

There’s a lot of fucking hcs in here too.

‘Cause I mean, Mako and Bolin had lived in some pretty toxic environments. It wouldn’t be a stretch that both of them picked up some bad habits. No matter how much Mako may have tried to shield it from Bolin, especially if he was picking them up himself.  And they just got off the street! They literally just started their road to recovery!

Imagine Toza. He’s not their dad, he doesn’t pretend to be and honestly he doesn’t want to be. But Bolin worked himself under Toza’s skin so fast and under all that venom, Mako really is a good boy. God damn he falls so hard so fast and just wants to protect these boys. So he is now their uncle.

Some asshole notified the police with their “concerns” about the rumor of two kids living in the probending attic. That was the first day that Toza saw their adoption papers that Mako so helpfully provided. Proof that their dear uncle, on their father’s side of course, adopted them after their parents passed. They’re father years before, a badger-mole trainer tragically mauled by his own moles. And they’re mother had fallen ill after braving the cold in a desperate hunting trip up north. She passed quiet, but tragically. Toza learned quickly that Bolin liked to embellish.

T: These papers look real. M: That’s the point. T: We’re you get them? M: Don’t worry about it.

Toza doesn't worry over the connections a 15 yr old former criminal might have, he doesn’t.

T: Where did that jacket come from? B: Oh, we were at the par- M: Don’t worry about it.

But Toza should probably talk to them about stealing before it leads back to him and gets them all in trouble.

Swearing is another matter that Toza doesn’t necessarily have a problem with, only ... they do it so much. Tiny, thin sailors, these boys. Mako makes an effort to scold Bolin for is language, ever trying to be the adult, the parent. But he’s the worst out of both of them. He’s good at holding his tongue around certain adults, figures of authority. Somehow becoming their “uncle” took Toza out of that category.

Finding out Mako could generate lightning nearly scare the life from his old body. He wasn’t ready yet, dammit. Toza was just dumping busted training dummy behind the building when boom, lightning. He’s kind of overacting. Mako wasn’t even near him and he was aiming at the water. Toza is just surprised a 15 yr old is the one behind it and is scary fucking good at it. But not as surprised as he is to find out that Mako’s the “boss’s pet project” he’s heard whispered when he was making deals the Triple Threats. He wisely doesn’t mention anything when Mako tells him Zolt taught him. 

Listen, they spent enough time around triad members to be on familiar terms. With some of, what seemed to be, their “top guys” too boot. Bolin and Mako are a little sexist. Mostly Mako. Not horribly so but more like ignorantly so. 

“”What do you mean I shouldn’t call a woman a doll/broad/skirt/babe/kitten??? (yeah I lightly looked into 20′s slang, i like to have a little fun as a treat)

They call a woman dame, maybe expect her to be girly and sexy but never underestimate their strength kind of thing. If they spent enough time around those guys to be familiar with, and grown up on the streets, they definitely interacted with the sex workers that “worked” for the triads. If not just seen them in passing.

Toza is an old bear that can still get it, but that’s not relevant. What is relevant is that he know a repressed bi teen when he sees one. Mako hasn’t been around a healthy relationship since he was eight and he’s been around mostly straight men. And no one has talked to him about anything. His “talk” was from a triad man with a woman on his lap, who was mostly out to tease/mock him. And no one ever mentioned men when they talked about sex.

So Mako pushed that shit right down. (Along with his attraction to women and his emotion’s honestly. Conceal don’t feel. Mako would be a big fan of Elsa I think.) It doesn’t help the load of self loathing the kid has. Toza is super casually gay around him but they don’t actually talk about it. (Hey he didn’t ask for kids, he literally doesn’t know how to tell Mako he needs to be kinder to himself and actually have him listen. He’s pretty sure he’d rather jump out of the building then try to think about how to approach Mako’s unhealthy need for control.)

Bolin has some issues with self doubt but Mako is surprisingly good at pep talks and reassurances. For Bolin only, Toza realizes, everyone else can fuck off he guesses. It’s mostly around his self imagine and his bending, Bolin doesn’t realize he’s a phenomenal bender for his age. 

Bolin just up and disappears one day and it’s the first time Toza see’s Mako lose his control. At first seems normal, tense and angry but not a far cry from how he usually is. But then he starts talking to Mako, asking about Bolin and he can just hear it in the kid’s voice that Mako is freaking the fuck out. Mako is just about to scour the city with Toza “reluctantly” tagging along when Bolin comes back.

He’s got a black eye and is cover in scrapes but has a good handful of coin and a bag of hot, fresh food. Apparently Bolin got dragged into a literally underground Earth Rumble and won. (Let’s be honest, Bolin would be the one to get dragged into a fight club.)

It’s the first time Toza see’s Mako actually yell at Bolin. So angry fire trailed his breath. Toza doesn’t cut in but he does feel bad for Bolin who just sits back and takes the scolding. Of course Bolin hug’s his brother the moment it’s done, apologizes for worrying him and they’re good literally the next minute.

It’s hardly the last time Bolin and Mako sneak into building all bloody and scuffed up. Mako is just much better at sneaking in then Bolin which is how he’s able to get to the lockers without anyone seeing him. Toza found him by accident honestly. Kids’s beat to shit but it’s not too bad. A little blood that needs to be cleaned up, some scraps that need to be patched. Says he’s had worst and Toza believes him. 

Toza never finds out what happen just that something in Mako snapped that day. Just was dealing with too much at one moment and was unable to push it down. So Toza had sat with Mako until his ass was numb as he rubbed Mako’s back. And Mako curled around himself as tightly as he could and cried like, well, cried like a kid who lost everything too young and was force to grow up too fast while dealing with too much at one time.

It’s the only time he’s seen Mako cry but Toza figures he handled it as rightly as he could. Handled it perfectly as far as Mako is concerned as the kid will sit with him, close and quiet sometimes. With the only signs that it’s a day that’s been too much is shaky hands and sometimes red eyes. 

Bolin is a huger and Toza absolutely has no problems with it. Crying into his shirt and blowing snot all over it when the kid is being dramatic is another matter. Toza learned that it was okay to be annoyed with this, even with Mako around. When Bolin cried, really cries he was a lot more quiet and clinged so tightly like he was holding on for dear life. He never did this to Toza but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t seen it. He doesn’t think either of the boys noticed when he caught them. Sometimes even naps weren’t safe from nightmares.

Okay, shit, wait I wrote so much ... I have more but this post is already long enough sjdfhgajksd

I just realized how much I love Toza or rather who I personally imagine him to be since he’s a nobody in lok and there is not enough content for him. 

And I just like to imagine Mako and Bolin are kind of shitty at that stage in their life because they literally don’t know much better. It’s the shitty people who were the ones that were willing to use them enough to keep them alive. It’s just how they had to adapt. They’re not bad just ... morally skewed. 

[lalalasingoutloud]

Veronica Mars Season 4

This is going to be a fucking essay. I just need to get my feelings out. This initially started off as just a Logan rant but it turned into a LoVe rant. My feelings about the season 4 finale is at the end.

I only started watching this show when seasons 1-3 were released on Hulu. I quickly watched these 3 seasons and the movie and read both books in a span of a week. This show quickly became my favorite TV show. Not one of my favorites; it became the favorite. I loved the writing of the show and the character of Veronica. But the main reason why I love this show, hot I get hooked onto any show, is the development of relationships, in any kind of way. I like to watch how certain characters interact with each other, how the actors play with each other. I believe that Veronica Mars does a good job of exploring those relationships in a way that makes sense (for the most part). It was especially exciting to see how Veronica and Logan came to be. It came out of nowhere, and yet made sense. 

I do want Veronica and Logan together. Yes, their relationship was toxic in seasons 1-3. The main problem in their relationship was that Veronica has trust issues and that both of them were equally stubborn. Logan was always the one that wanted to help and protect Veronica no matter the consequence. Veronica was the one who refused help because she doesn’t like looking weak. Neither really backed down and did what they thought was right. As much as I liked them together, their final breakup in season 3 was needed for them to grow. Even though I knew that they’d probably get back together in the movie, watching the final scene in season 3, you know that they’d find their way back to each other. I know that there is no one else in the entire world that they could love as much as each other. (Side note: Piz was okay for Veronica, but I don’t think Veronica could ever love Piz as much as he loved her. But I loved him as a character.)

The movie was the perfect time to get Veronica and Logan back together. While Veronica remained mostly the same at her core, Logan grew the fuck up. He joined the Navy, learning discipline and responsibility for the first time in his life. He tried his best to help Carrie be the best version of himself. He became the responsible and stable one in the relationship. Although he still has his Logan-ism that make him act like his teenage self (like starting a fight over the sex tape and lightly threatening Sean to delete the Carrie-coke posts), he knows when to pick his battles for the most part. He is the troupe of the bad-boy reformed, but it makes sense. 

Throughout the movie, you can see all the love and feelings that are still there when they are around each other (I know this whole film is fan service, but still). The moment in the film that said that they were going to get together in the end is when Veronica says that they should take the long way home. I believe this is a reference to when they decided to get together in season 1 when Logan says that he’ll take her on the back roads to drive her home. 

SEASON 4 

The development of Logan is beautifully done in season 4. He is changed, but still him. He still has his quips and his inspirational quotes. He just has evolved the good qualities that he has always had and dealing with pain through therapy. I did not expect him to go to therapy but I love this choice. He has had a temper problem pretty much throughout his life, but this season, it’s sedated. He’s trying to be the Bruce Banner, rather than the Hulk (Side note: I love the amount of Marvel references in this season). He says that he’s always angry, but he express that anger, not through rage, but through understanding. If he doesn’t control it, then he reverts back to his teenage self, like how he punched out the kitchen cabinet because Veronica said no to his proposal. Another way we saw him as Teen Logan was when he casually walked through the door after fighting the Carr men and gives Veronica the check with a bloody shirt on. It’s moments like these that show that Logan is working really hard to be better.

It’s interesting to see the dynamic between Veronica and Logan. Even though the roles of stability has reversed (Logan wanting her to go to therapy), where they are in the relationship has been the same. Even in their relationship throughout their adolescence, it was always Logan who committed first. As far as I remember, we don’t actually here Veronica say the words “I love you” to Logan, or at least on-screen. We only know she loves him when he asks for confirmation twice in season 3. Even in the flashbacks of their summer during the season 2 premiere, Logan tells her he is in love with her, and she doesn’t say it back. She has never said those words because she is scared of that kind of commitment and trust. This dynamic is explored again in the premiere of season 4 because Logan wants to marry her and has want to for a long time, and Veronica doesn’t because she’s seen what has happened to married people for the past 20 years. Logan is disappointed that she said no, but he just waits for her to be where he is, if she wants to be. He knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, but he gives her an out if she doesn’t feel the same. But she does and marries him at a court house which is perfect for them. This couple aren’t extravagant. All they want and need is each other, they’ve waited for so long that they don’t want to waste more time not being married. But RIP their marriage that lasted all of an hour.

Like many other people, I am upset, disappointed, confused, and angry about Logan’s death. He honestly deserved better. He had one of the best character developments in the show, and in my opinion, in television shows in general. He grew from the psychotic jack ass to someone who cares so much for other people. He grew from the abuse he endured growing up, being abandoned by the people he loves, accused of multiple murders, and many other traumatic things that could prevent him from changing. But he did. He turned himself into a man that is so self aware and trying to take care of himself. He went to therapy to deal with the trauma he has experienced and was willing to change to be the best version of himself. 

I truly and honestly do not understand why kill him off. As much as I want LoVe to be together into old age, this is not why I am upset about his death. Logan deserved better. If he were to die young, I’ve imagined him dying in a blaze of glory. Either by dying in action or by saving Veronica. This death just feels cheap. This death is only for shock value. It doesn’t serve a purpose at the end. It does open the possibility of a season 5, because they don’t explicitly state that Logan is death, they just heavily imply that. I really hope he is alive in any fashion, secret mission, coma, whatever. I don’t care, because Logan deserves better.

But if he is truly dead, I think the most interesting thing about his death is how Veronica is going to handle it. Obviously, we see her go to therapy, but the way Veronica has dealt with trauma her entire life is trying to solve the mystery behind it. After Lilly died, she spent over a year trying to solve her murder, because that’s how she coped. She tried to find her mom after she left the first time. She went after Gia and Luke after her father got into a car accident. Her entire way of coping is getting justice to the people who have hurt her and the ones she loves. But this death is different. She already know who did it. He’s already been captured. There is no mystery to solve. It’s already done. This time instead of focusing on the case that will help her get closure, she already had to deal with it before it happened. This time she takes cases that take her out of Neptune because she can’t stand to be there.

How she copes is the only way his death will progress the show, because it is different. But that does not mean that his death was justified. We didn’t see anyone mourn really. Logan Echolls deserves that.