#fuck joseph Stormbeck

[whump-tr0pes]

Honor Bound 6 - 30

This is a series. Start here, continued from here.

This is a sequel to Honor Bound, Honor Bound 2, Honor Bound 3, Honor Bound 4, Honor Bound 5, and the prequel Vera.

AO3

Masterlist

Contents: attempted murder, strangulation, sort of generous use of the word 'bitch', past death, pretty ungenerous thoughts about the death of a partner on Vera's part, Gray lore drop, past abuse of a minor, attempted restorative justice

~

Vera was across the room with her hand planted in the center of Rosa’s chest before anyone else could move. She shoved Rosa hard enough that her back slammed against the wall. Rosa’s eyes went wide, the smirk erased in a moment of shock and fear. Vera couldn’t even find the space within herself to enjoy it. There was no room for anything but cold fury that enveloped her like a second skin. She cursed herself for leaving her gun and knife behind. In the same moment, her hands curled around Rosa’s throat and pressed down, hard. Rosa’s eyes went wider. Her fingers dug at Vera’s hands.

“—no!” Kali’s admonition reached Vera through the ringing in her ears. Kali’s small hands curled around Vera’s wrists and pulled. Still, despite her wiry strength, she couldn’t make Vera’s hands budge. Vera’s jaw clenched. She leaned harder on Rosa’s throat. Her mind felt as coldly clear as when she had ripped her teeth through Joseph Stormbeck’s throat, and fired a bullet into Colleen Stormbeck’s forehead. She stared into Rosa’s reddening, bulging eyes without any mercy whatsoever.

You should never have hurt Isaac, she thought viciously.

“Vera, stop,” Kali barked. Vera felt rather than saw Kali’s gaze flick from her to Gray and back. Gray was silent where they stood behind Vera.

“You have about ten seconds to give me a good reason to stop before she passes out,” Vera said flatly. “And maybe another twenty after that before she’s dead.” She felt Rosa’s throat spasm under the relentless pressure of her palm.

“We don’t let anyone stay who harasses, intimidates, or—” Kali yanked at Vera’s arms again. “—goddammit, kills someone else here!”

“That’s fine,” Vera murmured, her lips barely moving. “I haven’t really unpacked yet.”

Rosa’s eyes rolled into the back of her head.

Kali let out a cry of frustration. She looked behind Vera. “Gray,” she gasped. “Please.”

Gray let out a huff of breath. Then, slowly, they said, “Tori won’t be happy if you make her leave, Vera.”

Vera stood perfectly still, the only sounds in the room being the squeaks coming from Rosa’s collapsing throat, and the weak shuffles of her boots against the floor. Vera’s hands spasmed. Then, despite the furious ache in her chest, she loosened her hands and let Rosa go.

Rosa crumpled where she was released, coughing and massaging her bruised throat. Vera spat indelicately and took one step back. She fixed Kali with a loathsome glare.

“Fine,” she said, her lip curling. “You bought that bitch twenty more seconds.”

Kali wasn’t looking at Vera, though. She was staring, wide-eyed, at Rosa. She trembled where she stood, hands at her sides and open as if in supplication. She wet her lips and whispered, “Rosa. What did you do to these people?”

“N-nothing,” Rosa croaked. Her voice itself sounded bruised. “I just—”

Vera stepped forward to kick Rosa in the face with a heavy boot. Gray pulled her back this time, holding her firmly by their side. Vera glared at them. They weren’t looking at her, though; they were looking at Kali.

“This is the second time someone in their group has met you and… well, tried to kill you straight off,” Kali said softly. “I don’t condone the behavior, but… Rosa, Jesus Christ, you did something to Isaac Moore, didn’t you?”

Rosa pushed herself onto her hands and knees. “I did something to him?” she snarled, raising her head to fix Kali with a hateful glare. Vera could see bruises in the shape of her handprints already forming. Her stomach roiled.

“You’re shitting me, right?” Rosa bit out. “You’re fucking shitting me. This has to be a joke. He killed my fucking partner, Kali, he killed Jordan. He—” She flinched back when Vera lunged forward, held back only by Gray’s iron grip on her upper arm.

“Tell her the truth,” Vera hissed through clenched teeth.

Rosa trembled as he glanced between Kali and Vera. “Kali, I’m not having this conversation in front of this fucking—”

“TELL. HER. THE. FUCKING. TRUTH,” Vera bellowed. The tiny corner of the building shook with her rage. Her eyes blazed as she stared down at the woman cowering at her feet, and she tried once again to throw off the hand that held her back from ending Rosa once and for all.

Kali drew in a deep breath, slowly pushed it out. Then, she stepped between Vera and Rosa. Vera’s rage flared and she tensed, ready to shove this newcomer out of the way so she could handle the monster cowering behind her—

Her fury was tempered for the briefest moment by the unflagging kindness in Kali’s eyes. Even as Vera’s muscles braced to attack, even as her face contorted in an expression of rage, Kali looked at her patiently, unafraid, her posture open, her hands down by her sides. Vera’s jaw clenched harder.

“She’s not being fucking honest with you,” Vera said stiffly.

“Yeah, I’m getting that,” Kali said.

Vera blinked.

Rosa scoffed. “You’re fucking kidding me,” she mumbled to herself, every word dripping venom. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. He killed my fucking partner and—”

“Who fired the shot?” Gray ground out. Vera felt her fists relax, felt her shoulders begin to drop from where they hovered around her ears.

Rosa raised her gaze to Gray for the first time since Vera had choked her. “I feel like you should know that you don’t have to be the one to fire the shot in order to be responsi—”

“A syndicate guard fired the shot that killed your partner,” Gray said, a steely calm finding its way into their voice. “And who sent your team into that compound?”

“Isaac was supposed to watch our backs on that mission,” Rosa snarled. “It’s not my fault he failed, it’s not my fault he’s a fucking failure of a human being who—”

“I’ll fucking kill you—” Vera growled.

“Who is the one who organized that mission?” Gray continued tightly, their lips thin. “Who is the one who failed to adequately plan for the guard rotations? Who is the one who purported to lead your team and therefore held the responsibility for such things?”

“You know what? Fuck you,” Rosa snapped. She pushed herself fully to her feet and wobbled when she got there. “I don’t have to fucking listen to this. My partner died because of someone on your crew and now I—”

“Who is the one who went rogue on that mission in the first place?” Gray said, their voice growing in volume but not wavering once. “Who is the one who decided that collaboration wasn’t in the spirit of whatever the fuck you were doing in your little personality cult, and decided that instead of going forward with twinning the radio taps placed on the Defense Corps antennae, like what was supposed to happen, you were just going to blow it up instead?”

Vera paled and glanced at Gray. Old rage and resentment hung on their face like a shadow as they glared at Rosa. She fell back a step, even as Gray stood firm and unmoving.

“Who is the one who ended up causing dozens of deaths with that little stunt?” Gray breathed, hands in fists at their sides. “Who is the one who invited syndicate retaliation against rebel groups that weren’t even involved with that plan? Who is the one who set our cause back months, because we had to scramble to find another way to track their radio signals without that tower? Go ahead and answer. I’ll wait.”

Rosa opened her mouth. Tears of rage shone in her eyes. “I don’t have to fucking listen to this,” she hissed.

“Of course you don’t,” Gray snorted. “Of course you don’t want to listen. You’ve been telling yourself for the past seven goddamn years that your every little problem is Isaac’s fault because it’s easier to tell yourself that than admit to yourself that—” They took a forceful step forward, brushing past Kali as she raised a half-hearted protest. “—you’re the one who fucked up a mission, misjudged a syndicate guard’s rotation schedule, sabotaged the entire rebellion’s cause, and got your partner killed.” Gray’s eyes narrowed to hateful slits. “Because it’s easier to blame someone you had been abusing and conditioning since the age of fif-fucking-teen.”

“Fuck you,” Rosa growled. She whirled and stalked out the door, taking special care to slam it as she went.

For a long moment, the sound was the three of them breathing. Vera could hear her pulse pounding in her ears. She turned to look at Gray, who stared at the door as if Colleen Stormbeck herself had just walked out of it. She wet her lips to speak.

Kali beat her to it. “Gray,” she croaked. “I had no idea.”

“I know,” Gray said. “I was going to talk to you about it soon. Just not… today. I was hoping for more time to think about what I was going to say.”

“She…” Kali took a deep breath. “While I understand your frustration, we can’t hold a botched mission against her. I’m sorry that it affected your—”

“I don’t hold the mission against her,” Gray said coldly. “The cause attracts all types, even the stupid. We can’t all have a knack for considering how our actions affect others.” Their lip curled with contempt.

Kali tilted her head. “Not sure if I would have put it that way, but yes. We all make mistakes. Her treatment of Isaac Moore, on the other hand…”

“I’ll work on Isaac,” Gray said flatly. “I’m working on it. Forgive me. I know he’s… trigger happy. But his partner was almost just killed by Daniel Schiester and now he’s dealing with—”

“Gray,” Kali said gently, with that same unflagging kindness. “I understand. What I’m trying to say is that… her treatment of him is unacceptable.”

Vera’s breath caught. Her gaze flicked from Kali to Gray and back.

Gray betrayed no movement as they stared down at Kali. They wet their lips. “Define… unacceptable,” they said delicately.

Kali wiped her hands on her jeans. “I mean, clearly there’s some abuse there. Clearly she mistreated him. And, given how she’s reacted whenever she’s seen your crew… no accountability, and calling the Uriah kid a, a pet…” Kali threw a look of disgust at the door. “I’ve never seen her use language like that. But the way it just rolled of her tongue…”

“I can absolutely fucking guarantee that’s how she talks when she’s not here,” Vera sneered.

Kali heaved a sigh. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to let our minds go too far down the road to speculation. But…��� She braced her hands on her hips and stared at the ground as if something profound was written there. “I… I’m not going to say that we should just let bygones by bygones. Obviously she deeply hurt one of yours. And that’s not something that just goes away.”

“She had him trained, Kali,” Gray said, their voice low and intense. “She took him off the street at the age of fifteen and turned him into a bodyguard for them. His life depended on keeping them safe, and keeping her happy. That’s how you treat a goddamn plaything. And… I’m telling you, it wasn’t his fucking fault that her partner died.”

“I know,” Kali said with a distracted wave of her hand. “I know.”

“Then—”

“Then what do we fucking do about it?” Vera cut in. “No offense, I’m sure this place is great, but I’m not going to fucking stay here if she lives here, too. And I’m not going to ask Isaac to, either.”

Kali’s eyebrows pulled together. “What? No… Rosa doesn’t live here.”

Vera froze. Gray blinked.

“Sorry… what?” Vera croaked through dry lips.

“No,” Kali said. She glanced at Gray. “Rosa doesn’t live here. She was just passing through. She does that from time to time, gets her mail here. What I was going to say was, maybe I should have a talk with her about letting us know when she’s coming through so people here can, ah, prepare.” She gestured at Rosa’s empty mail bin. “Maybe collect her mail in another town.”

Vera found herself leaning toward Gray. She glanced up at them and met their eyes for a long moment. They returned her gaze with an unfathomable expression.

Softly, they cleared their throat. “We…. don’t want to make any kind of imposition,” they said, forming each word carefully. “We’re very well aware that we just arrived, and Laporte has been running for a long time before we got here.”

Vera bit her tongue against the flood of protests that threatened: fuck that, Gray, Rosa doesn’t deserve to be breathing my fucking air let alone living in the town I’ve just settled in. She can find somewhere else. I’ll run her out of town myself.

It’s not like she has a life to move with her, she’s made that perfectly fucking clear. I guess that’s Isaac’s fault, too. Couldn’t possibly be her personality that’s the reason she’s still single.

Guilt rushed in behind the venomous thoughts, and behind that another wave of hatred followed.

Fuck that bitch and everything she’s ever done. I don’t give a fuck what happens to her. She could defeat the syndicates for good and I’d still want her gone.

She shuddered against the rage inside her and forced herself to listen as Kali opened her mouth to speak.

“Laporte is built on the notion that people can make mistakes and still be good people,” Kali said carefully. “But it’s also built on the fact that everyone deserves to be safe. And Rosa… doesn’t seem interested in looking at her mistakes. Or letting Isaac feel safe.”

“I’m not super interested in letting her feel safe either.” The words slipped out before Vera could stop them. Gray’s hand landed on her shoulder and squeezed.

Kali chewed her lip and met Vera’s gaze. “We don’t condone violence here,” she said patiently.

“If you let her stay, you condone more than just violence,” Vera seethed. The back of her neck prickled with sweat, and she fought the urge to throw Gray’s hand off her shoulder. “You have no idea how much she fucking broke Isaac.” She was horrified to feel tears stinging her eyes as she glared down at Kali.

Vera squirmed under Kali’s gaze as Kali looked up at her, gaze soft, contemplative, composed. “How about this,” Kali said. Vera let out a breath when Kali dropped her gaze and looked at Gray. “I’d like to try and mediate this, if possible. It’s obvious a lot of damage has been done. And my top priority is making you feel safe.” She leaned in. “You,” she said softly. “Because you live here. This is your home now, and I don’t want you feeling unsafe. Especially after… everything you’ve been through. As a group.”

“Part of what we’ve been through is her,” Vera snapped.

“That would be very gracious of you,” Gray said raggedly. They squeezed Vera’s shoulder again, then let go entirely. “If it’s alright, though, I’d like to bring that suggestion to Isaac and see if that’s something he thinks he could… handle, right now.”

Kali let out a heavy breath. “Of course,” she said, her shoulders relaxing. “I understand. It’s been a stressful few days. Please let me know when you’re ready, and we can perhaps set up a time to meet? Somewhere neutral, where we can talk things out.”

“Sure.” Gray nodded. The movement was jerky and stiff. “Thank you, Kali.”

“Any time,” she said. She reached out and squeezed one of Gray’s hands in both of hers. “Any time.” A tired smile pulled at the edges of her mouth. She turned to Vera and seemed like she was about to say something, then thought better of it.

“I’ll… head home and tell him your suggestion, then,” Gray said, moving toward the door. Vera found herself following them, suddenly exhausted.

“Of course,” Kali said. “Take care, both of you.” The crow’s feet at the edges of her eyes deepened as she looked at them both. “And we’ll make this work.”

Even as bitterness curdled in Vera’s throat, the kindness in Kali’s eyes seemed as real as the floor under her feet, or the air she passed through on her way to the door. Even as her anger drove her toward the door so she could go hunt Rosa down and beat her to death in the street like she fucking deserved, Vera somehow knew that Kali meant every word she said.

She had never known that she could trust someone so implicitly before. Except for Gray. She had felt this before, when she first met Gray.

She swallowed hard and let her feet carry her to the door. “Yeah,” she said roughly. “Okay.”

Gray pushed the door open, and she followed them out.

Continued here

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[whump-tr0pes]

Fact

honestly, i think my favorite type of whumper is “sad, lonely, rich bastard.” do i feel bad for him? absolutely fucking not. like here’s a man who could’ve been decent and maybe done something charitable with his money, but instead decided to make other peoples’ lives hell just because he can. it’s so very clear that this man has never faced A Consequence in his entire life, and it’s given him a completely undeserved sense of confidence.

it’s like, aww, did someone get addicted to torturing people as a replacement for genuine interpersonal relationships? did you?? well get fucked, and while you’re at it get some THERAPY and maybe also let those people out of your basement.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Ryan and Danny have a conversation. While Ryan is a delight and charming, he’s still Syndicate - and Syndicate sons take what they want. The latest in the Honor Bound/Daniel Michaelson AU with @whump-tr0pes! You guys are going to be so mad at us soon…

CW: Referenced past torture, referenced past noncom, some sense of dehumanization but nothing direct 

“Come on, jackass, don’t act all shy now. You and I both know I can feel your stupid crush floating all around you like snow.” Ryan elbowed his brother in the ribs, and Danny pushed back lightly, rolling his eyes, red already flushing along his cheeks, nearly canceling out the scars there. “You like him, admit it.”

 “Okay, fine, I do.” Danny shrugged, kicking awkwardly at a stick in their front yard. Forty yards away, Michaelson men (and more than a few women) roamed armed and ready for any threat, but so far none had materialized. “I do, I like him.“

 "There, was that so hard?” Ryan asked with a tone of exaggerated patience. Danny rolled his eyes and kicked at him this time, only to have Ryan step lightly back and to the side.

 "Fuck off. Anyway…  Nate does, too - and that’s important.”

 “Sure. You’ve had him in your room for like… five days now. That doesn’t happen unless Vandrum likes him, too.” Ryan nodded, glancing over his shoulder back at the house. Nate had moved the battered, beat-up car the team had arrived in behind the house and to the side the day before. The team was due to leave tomorrow afternoon or evening, but Nate had said he had a feeling, something that kept sticking in his mind, and he’d feel better if the car was ready to take the secondary track.

 There was a path, through the woods. Rarely used. Wide enough on the ground for a car and covered with the tree canopy over it, so it was harder to track someone from the air. It’d take them through the woods and out the back side of the summer estate grounds, onto a small unmapped road. A getaway road, just in case, that as far as Ryan knew, had never been used.

 There had been no threat, nothing to fear - but when Nate Vandrum had a hunch, even Ryan just shrugged and let him do what he wanted.

 Jackass.

 "Are you gonna date him together, then, or just you?“ 

 Danny’s face went bright red, and he ducked his head low, letting his wavy hair hide it as best he could. Ryan had always liked making his big brother blush - redheads blushed so easily, and honestly, how could anyone expect him to resist? “I, uh. I don’t know. Probably mostly just, um, just me. But we’re not going to-… they’re going to leave like, um, tomorrow night, Ryan. And they can’t exactly just swan in and out of, um, of Mom’s territory.”

 Patrick Michaelson was the nominal head of the Michaelson syndicate - but everyone knew that Corrine Michaelson was the one in charge.

 “I guess that’s true.” Ryan leaned himself back against a low stone wall that cuts across the front lawn, and Danny stayed standing, rubbing idly at the scars cut so deeply into the backs of his hands. Ryan had spent nearly four years spending every resource, calling in every favor, desperately working to find his brother. 

 When he found him, Danny was sitting in a mercenary’s truck, and Nate Vandrum was standing in front of a house on fire with seven people inside. Ryan had come with his own people planning to shoot the place until it fell down from all the bullet holes but instead he had found himself shaking the hand of a man who had been held captive alongside Danny and offering him a job.

 Ryan put one hand up to his mouth, flickering at his thumbnail with his finger in thought. The breeze was gentle and warm on a pretty day, and he knew their guests were no doubt largely outside in the back by now, enjoying the sunlight themselves. 

 Out of earshot.

 “You could have him stay, you know,” Ryan offered, gently. 

 Next to him, Danny stiffened. “What?”

 “Don’t be mad.” Ryan put both hands in the air in a don’t shoot gesture. “I know what you think I’m about to say. But… you know, it’s been a long time since you looked at anyone but Nate, right?”

 Danny went quiet, his blue eyes traveling over the lush green grass, the trees that line the drive up to the summer house, the wide, cloudless blue sky over their heads. “Right.” His voice was soft, and a little shaky, but Ryan knew his brother well - worry but not panic, concern but not slipping away into the nightmares that follow him through the waking world as well as the sleeping. 

 They might have been skirting a line, but he hadn’t crossed it. Not yet.

 “We’re in charge, here,” Ryan said, firmly. “This is our territory. We did a nice thing, a  generous thing, offering them safe haven and a way through here without being picked up by bounty hunters or worse-”

 “Being picked up by Mom,” Danny muttered, and the two of them snorted nearly in unison.

 “Right. Exactly. Look, I like them all-”

 “You like everybody, Ryan, that doesn’t mean shit.”

 “Not everybody.” No, Ryan wasn’t prone to hatred, but he could feel it. He was the one bankrolling Vandrum’s occasional forays into being a bit of a bounty hunter himself. Nate saw another face he remembered, heard a name that rang in his mind from the fucking parties where the Denners had passed his brother around like a cheap whore, and he came to Ryan for cash, a couple of armed men, and permission to kill. 

 Ryan gave him whatever he wanted, every single time.

 Every new corpse was one less motherfucker walking the earth that had raped, beaten, or tortured his brother. Every dead body was worth the cost.

 He and Nate would keep Danny safe, protected, and make sure that he would have what he needed from here on out. What he wanted. And the moment Ryan had seen Danny lay eyes on the man, he had known that Danny wanted      Isaac.  

 “I’m just saying,” Ryan said quietly. “I’m saying that they’re not our friends, Dan. They’re on the run from the Stormbecks, and I like fucking over Collen and her shit family as much as any other Michaelson, but… but we don’t owe them any of this. This is all out of generosity. Goodness.”

 Danny gnawed on his lower lip, sitting on the stone wall now, crossing his arms in front of himself. “We don’t have to be cruel, Ryan. Just because every other syndicate is, that doesn’t mean-”

 “Yeah, we do. You can’t run the world without at least a little cruelty, you know. We’re lucky to be born on this side of the equation. And we should take the advantages that fortune gives us. You like him.”

 “I do.” Danny knew what he was going to say, Ryan could tell. The blush had faded and been replaced by pale uncertainty. Once upon a time, Danny had been angry as shit but he’d been a good syndicate kid, too. It was all still in there, but the Denners had wrecked it, dismantled a lot of the easy assumptions Danny had once held.

 Ryan hadn’t been able to save him or protect him, when it mattered. But he could make sure Danny never wanted for a single thing for the rest of his life. 

 “Then… he should stay here with us. With you and Nate.”

CLICK TO READ THE REST

[whump-tr0pes]

This is random but I must know: what does gavin’s new haircut look like (Or Joseph’s old style I guess)? I like to imagine the characters correctly and now that his hair is different, I don’t know to picture it 😂

You've woken the beast. I love sharing faceclaims

Gavin's hair is like this when Isaac meets him, and stays about the same:

And DFS has his hair cut... like this:

[whump-tr0pes]

Honor Bound 2 - 32

This is a series. Start here, continued from here. 

This is a sequel to Honor Bound. 

AO3

Thank you to everyone who came to the livewrite for this!!! I had the time of my life watching y’all scream over my dumbasses. You have no idea how hard it was to write this with y’all screaming MAKE THEM FUUUUUUUUCK and not actually do it. So I love you. You’re my people. 

The spice will come later I promise.

Cw: blood, gore, nightmare monsters with pointy teeth (idk dude I creeped myself out writing it), mention of past rape and torture, mention of really, really bad parents enabling/encouraging torture, tricky ex-whumper/whumpee dynamics

Gavin was home again.

He knew it immediately. The walls, the pictures on them, the carpet, the light, the smell, it was all exactly how he remembered it. Years ago, or weeks ago? He wasn’t sure. He just knew he was home. 

He wandered through the front door, dragging his fingers along the wall, looking around at the place that seemed frozen in time. 

When’s the last time I was here? Years ago, or weeks ago?

He shrugged and kept moving. 

He passed the grand staircase, disappearing into shadows upstairs. Where his bedroom was, and his parents’ bedroom. And his play room, now turned into a study for when he wanted to work from home. A coat closet to his left. A bathroom to his right. Past a corner, into a living room. A kitchen, off to his right. A room at the end of the hallway, where he had spent hours playing under his father’s desk while he worked. “Come here, Gavin. Look at this map. We’ll learn the cities together. Soon it’ll be yours.”

It was exactly the same as he remembered it— Years ago, or weeks ago? What did it matter? It was perfect. He ran his hand along his father’s desk, the low set of drawers along the wall.

The hair on the back of Gavin’s neck stood up. He heard breathing behind him. Not the kind of breathing that comes from a normal human throat. 

Icy terror poured down his spine as his hands clenched into fists. No. No no no no no.

“Gavin.”

The sound of his father’s shredded voice clutched Gavin’s heart. A shudder rippled through him. He closed his eyes, praying that if he didn’t look, it would go away. He wouldn’t have to see it. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he felt breath on the back of his neck. 

He spun around in a panic, his hands flying out in front of his face to protect himself. Still several feet away, his father stood, looking at him. 

His throat was completely torn away, gaping raggedly, blood bubbling in the deep tear that disappeared into his neck. His father’s eyes were blank and clouded, like his soul was already gone, as he stood there staring at Gavin. 

Gavin pressed himself back against the drawers, heart beating out of his chest. “D-dad…”

His father’s voice gurgled out of him. “Hello, son.”

“P-please, no, I don’t… please…”

His father grinned. “Want to see me make her good again?”

Gavin’s stomach dropped, and he gagged. “No. No no no no I don’t want that. Dad. No.”

Gavin blinked. 

There was someone else standing behind his father. She looked like Vera, felt like Vera. He knew she was Vera. 

But her mouth gaped open with razor sharp teeth, pointed and deadly. 

She looked like a monster. 

Gavin shivered. “No. No no fuck, Vera, I’m sorry, please no…”

His father’s hand closed around Vera’s hair and forced her to her knees. 

“No no no, dad no…” Gavin staggered a step forward, his hand outstretched. 

Vera lunged forward and snapped her teeth at Gavin’s hand. 

He screamed and fell backwards, bashing his head against the drawers behind him. His father barked out a wet, shrieking laugh. “I told you. She’s feral.” He jerked her back to her knees and stared down at her with a smile on his vacant face. “This is why I had to make her good.” 

“Dad, you…” Gavin got to his feet, forcing down the bile that clawed up his throat as he stared at his father. “You made her like this!”

His father chuckled and loosened his hold on Vera’s hair. “You want me to let her go, then? You want me to let her get you?”

“N-no, please, just… Why did you…” Gavin choked down tears. “Why did you do this?”

“I told you, son,” his father croaked. “I told you from the beginning. What you feel is right, no matter what. They exist to be our—”

“No!” Gavin shouted. “They don’t! You… she wouldn’t be this way if you didn’t…” He gasped and his eyes snapped to Vera.

She was fighting his father’s hold, writhing against the hand in her hair, clawing her way towards Gavin. Her eyes bored into his, and blood dripped down her chin from her teeth. She snarled at him wordlessly. 

“Please,” he whispered to her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” 

Her lips pulled back over her teeth. She broke his father’s hold and threw herself on top of him, snapping at his throat. 

“No!”

Gavin pushed away from the weight on top of him, sobbing. “No no no no no please!”

“Gavin.” 

He knew that voice. It wasn’t Vera’s. 

“Gavin.”

“No,” he whimpered, flailing in the dark. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake…” The weight disappeared, and Gavin slumped back to the bed, sobbing with relief. The light blazed on and Gavin flinched back, covering his eyes. The sheets tightened around him and he thrashed, panicking. 

“For fuck’s sake, Gavin, calm the fuck down. It’s me.”

Gavin shuddered. “I-Isaac?”

“Yeah, dumbass.” Gavin’s eyes slowly focused. Isaac was standing by the door, his arms folded over his chest, his face like a storm cloud. 

Gavin trembled and pulled at the sheets. “I… Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Isaac grit his teeth. “Well, you did. I’m going back to bed.” He reached for the nightswitch. 

Gavin’s stomach lurched. “Isaac, please.” Isaac stopped at whatever he heard in Gavin’s voice. “Can you just… just wait?”

Isaac stared into the hallway, his throat working around a swallow. A muscle stood out in his jaw as he clenched his teeth. 

Tears burned in Gavin’s eyes, and he looked down, mortified. “I… I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m… just really fucking freaked out right now.” 

Isaac dragged his hand across his face. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he mumbled, so quietly Gavin almost missed it. Then he turned and leaned up against the doorframe. “Okay. What do you want?”

I want to not be so fucking scared all the time. “Please. I just…” Gavin’s head fell forward into his hands. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.” 

Isaac crossed his arms across his chest. His hands were squeezed into fists. He stared at Gavin with a look that could have been disgust, if there wasn’t that flicker of fear behind it. Gavin’s heart clenched with shame. Yeah, no shit, dumbass. You fucking tortured him. 

I never broke him, though.

Gavin picked at the bedspread. “I’m sorry it was, um, you.” Gavin stole a glance at Isaac where he stood. 

Isaac’s eyes narrowed. “Sorry what was me?”

“I’m um, sorry you’re the one I woke up. I guess I…” He fell silent. 

Isaac blew out a scornful-sounding breath. “It’s not exactly like you have your pick here of people you haven’t fucking traumatized.”

Gavin swallowed. “I… I know. I’m s—”

“Don’t,” Isaac growled. “Don’t fucking say you’re sorry.”

Gavin chewed his lip. “Then what the fuck do you want me to say?”

Isaac ground his teeth together and for a moment, Gavin thought Isaac might beat him to death right here. If I’ve gotta go out some way…

Instead, Isaac slid to the ground. He pressed his face into his hands. “Ugh.” The sound came out muffled.

Gavin twisted the sheets between his hands, his heart still beating hard in his chest. 

“I…” Isaac dropped his hands and stared at the ceiling. “I want you to say…” Isaac shook his head. “I don’t know what the fuck I want you to say. The damage has been done.” 

Gavin’s throat tightened with a sob. “I… I kn-know I, um, damaged you.” 

Isaac’s eyes snapped to Gavin’s. “Oh, fuck you.”

Gavin swallowed. “I’m sorry.” 

Isaac smoothly got to his feet and took a step towards the bed. “You don’t know fucking damage. You don’t know a fucking thing.” 

Gavin pressed himself back against the headboard. “I—”

“Shut up,” Isaac snapped. “You don’t know how it feels to look at your two best friends and watch them fucking break because of something some entitled, sadistic asshole decided to do because it was a fucking Tuesday. You don’t know how it feels to watch every single person you love dragged into the middle of a room and tortured in the worst possible way. You don’t know a fucking thing.” Isaac’s hands curled into fists. “Do you fucking understand?”

A tear escaped to run down Gavin’s cheek and he nodded, cringing backways. “Yes. I’m… I’m sorry.”

Isaac’s body shuddered forward. “I don’t understand why Gray won’t let me fucking kill you.”

Gavin held a hand out in front of him. As if he could protect himself from Isaac. As if he could try. “P-please don’t.” 

Isaac squeezed his eyes shut, his chest heaving. “Fuck,” he whispered. He blew out a slow, forceful breath. “Fuck.” He took a step back. Then another. He opened his eyes. His face was pulled into such a look of anguish that Gavin felt it like a physical pain. Isaac fell back another step, against the doorframe, and slid to the floor again. 

Gavin cast around for something that would be helpful to say. 

“Um…” He bit his lip. “I’m… I’m not a sadist anymore?”

Isaac looked murderous. 

Oh. I fucked up.

Gavin frantically backpedaled. “Oh, fuck. I mean, um, I… I won’t do it again. And… and I don’t want to do it again. I just want—” He cut himself off as Isaac turned an alarming shade of red. Gavin’s mouth snapped shut. 

“What,” Isaac snarled through his teeth, “Do you want. I’m dying to fucking know.” 

Gavin’s vision blurred with tears. He bit down hard on his lip, trying to keep the tears from spilling. If I tell him, he’s going to kill me.

He’s never going to fucking trust me until I do.

Gavin swallowed, pressing the sleeves of his sleeping shirt against his eyes. “Um. I…” He blew out a shaky breath, considering for a moment it might be his last. “I… just… want to feel like I have a family again.” 

Gavin held his breath. Waited for Isaac to launch himself across the room and bash his skull in like he so looked like he wanted to do just about constantly. Gavin didn’t move an inch. Waiting. 

He started to get dizzy from the lack of oxygen. He dragged in a gasp and dared to peek over his hands at Isaac’s face. 

Isaac had gone a ghostly white, looking at Gavin with something that surpassed horror. Gavin’s heart sunk in his chest. 

“And you want… you want… my family?” Isaac rasped. His lips trembled.

“I don’t want to… to steal them, or anything, I mean…” Gavin wrapped his arms tight around his chest. “I mean…” He shook his head. “I thought…” His voice wavered. He tried again. “Everything about my family was, um. Was a lie. I thought they loved me. I thought they… they gave a fuck about me. But I’m, um… I’m starting to realize… they only ever loved me when I was, um. Like them. They… they ignored me when I did anything else. When I, um. Wanted. Anything else. And I…” He gasped, holding his hand out to Isaac. “I’m not trying to say I had it worse. Okay? I’m not. I swear. But… I never knew there was, um, anything else. I should have fucking known, okay? But… it… um… h-hurting people was, was all I was ever good at. And I was good at it. I never had to do anything else. I never had to, um, learn to be anything else. And then… when I didn’t want that anymore…” Gavin swallowed the burning sensation in his throat and closed his eyes. “Um… as soon as I was, um, someone else, someone who was, um, broken, they… she… threw me out. But you…” Gavin shuddered, sure he was pushing too far, that he would say the wrong thing, that he would ruin everything more than it had already been ruined. “Everyone’s, um, broken. Here. And you all…” He couldn’t say it. 

“We what?” 

Gavin opened his eyes and looked at Isaac. He had his hands at his sides, still curled into fists, his breaths moving fast through his chest. Gavin steadied his breath. 

“Everyone’s broken here. And you all still love each other.” 

Isaac leaned back against the doorframe, his eyes still fixed on Gavin. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and breathed slow. 

Gavin swallowed hard. “And I want that, too.” 

Isaac opened his mouth to speak. Closed it. Opened it. Closed it again. 

Gavin buried his face in his hands. Fuck. 

“You wanted a family, so you went and found the family you tortured?” There was something in Isaac’s voice Gavin couldn’t place. He didn’t raise his head. 

“You are, um, good people. Good people are easy to hurt but, um, I don’t want to, uh, hurt you.”

“You almost took my family away from me,” Isaac whispered. “Do you fucking remember that? Is that even real to you?”

Gavin lifted his head. The pain that dragged at Isaac’s face made Gavin’s throat tight. 

“Do you fucking remember holding a gun to Sam’s head and telling me you’d kill them if I didn’t fucking torture them? My fucking sibling?”

Gavin clenched his teeth together. He nodded. 

“Do you remember torturing my best friend with the man who raped her and tortured her for months?” 

Gavin opened his mouth to speak.

“Don’t fucking say you didn’t know about the rapes. I’ve already fucking heard it. If you didn’t know, then you’re an idiot.”

“I am an idiot, Isaac,” Gavin whispered. “That’s what I’ve tried to fucking tell you.”

Isaac laughed once, bitterly, and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. “Are you even the same fucking person?”

Gavin swallowed. “Yeah. Just… minus everything that made me who I was, yeah.”

Isaac snorted. “Then there wasn’t much to you in the first place, was there?”

Gavin’s mouth twisted. “Don’t be an asshole, Isaac.” 

“God forbid there be two in the room,” Isaac snapped. 

Gavin laughed tightly, darkly. “See, this is why I—” OH GOD DON’T FUCKING SAY THAT. 

“Why you what?” Isaac’s eyes narrowed.

—why I loved torturing you. The rapport. Gavin shook his head. “Can I just say it was something really, really stupid that I don’t wanna say and call it good?”

Isaac stared at him for a moment, then let his head thump back against the doorframe. “Sure. Why the fuck not.”

Gavin breathed out a desperate sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he wheezed. 

Isaac tapped his fingers against his legs. After a moment, he said, “Dare I ask what your fucking nightmare was about?”

Gavin’s eyes widened. “Um. No. Oh no no no.” He really will kill me. I can’t fucking tell him that.

Isaac tilted his head. “No, I really wanna know. What scares Gavin fucking Stormbeck?” His tone was taunting, but he wasn’t radiating the murderous rage Gavin always seemed to cause in him. 

“Um…” Gavin closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again as an image of Vera with teeth like a fucking anglerfish flashed through his mind. “Ugh. Fuck. You have to, um, promise not to get mad.”

Isaac’s face darkened. “No I fucking don’t.” 

Gavin bit his lip. “Well, I… I can’t fucking help what my subconscious thinks of, right?”

Isaac said nothing, just stared at Gavin with a snarl on his face. 

Gavin’s head thumped back against the headboard. “Fucking fine.” Just thinking of it made his stomach clench with fear. “Um… I had a dream I was um, at my house, where Vera, um… Where my, uh, dad was killed. And he was there, looking all bloody and fucking horrifying. And Vera was there, too, looking like a fucking… well, like a fucking nightmare, with sharp teeth and shit, like she always does…” 

“Wait… ‘like she always does’?” Isaac’s eyes narrowed. 

“I, um.” Gavin looked down at the bedspread thinking, for not the first time tonight, that this is when Isaac would kill him. “I’ve, um, ha-had nightmares about Vera, um, killing my dad. Every…” He drew in a deep breath and blew it out. “...every fucking night.” 

Isaac leaned back, considering that. “Oh. Holy shit.” A smile quirked at his lips. “She’d be fucking thrilled to know that.” 

“Yeah, I bet she fucking would,” Gavin grumbled. He glanced up and saw Isaac’s eyes fixed on him again. Agh, fuck. He shook his head and kept going. “So she, um, was there, with my dad, and my d-dad said he would, um, let her…” Another slow breath. “Let her get me if I didn’t want to…” Gavin’s eyes flicked to Isaac’s again. Yup. He’s gonna fucking murder me for this. “He said he would let her get me if I didn’t, um, want to watch him…” He squeezed his eyes shut, terrified to look at Isaac while he said it. “...make her good.” 

Gavin flinched back, eyes still desperately squeezed shut, at Isaac’s soft intake of breath. He braced himself, shivering against the headboard. 

Nothing moved for a moment. 

“And what the fuck did you say?” Isaac growled at him. 

“I… I didn’t want him to. I wanted him to stop.” Gavin shuddered. “I just wanted him to fucking stop.” 

For a moment there was nothing but the sound of their breathing. 

There was a rustle of movement and Gavin’s eyes flew open. Isaac stood from his spot against the doorframe and leaned against the wall. 

“I…” Isaac said softly. He wet his lips and tried again. “I don’t know how I can ever trust you.”

Let me earn it.

Can I earn it?

I want to earn it.

“I… I know.” Gavin’s voice creaked out of him, heavy with sadness. 

“No. Do you understand what you’ve done to me and my family?”

Gavin was silent. 

Isaac shook his head. “I don’t know how I can trust you,” he said again, quieter. He turned to leave, his hand reaching for the lightswitch. 

“No, please,” Gavin breathed. 

Isaac paused in the doorway. 

Gavin swallowed. “L-leave the, um, the light on. Please.” 

Isaac dropped his hand and left. 

Continued here

@untilthepainstarts, @womping-grounds, @free-2bmee, @quirkykayleetam, @walkingchemicalfire, @inpainandsuffering, @redwingedwhump, @burtlederp, @castielamigos-whump-side-blog, @insomniacscoprio, @cursedscribbles, @whumpywhumper, @stxck-fxck, @omega-em-z-02, @whumps-the-word, @slaintetowhump, @finder-of-rings, @neutralcinnamon, @thatsthewhump, @im-just-here-for-the-whump, @orchidscript

[whump-tr0pes]

YES

@whump-tr0pes leaked Deleted endscene of Honor Bound

[whump-tr0pes]

For the lovely cry babbies...y'all a bunch of pussies!!!! XD XD

Omg Tatiana 😂😂😂

[newbornwhumperfly]

i …. 💔😰💔

(calmly walks into another room to grab a very sharp knife to fucking eviscerate gavin’s parents)

@whump-tr0pes, i now am just … thinking about (cathartically fantasizing) what would have happened if, say, there had been a raid on the stormbeck mansion and the parents were fucking murdered and the rebels found gavin - still a kid - hiding under his bed.

and maybe some of them wanted to murder the stormbeck heir and others said “he’s just a kid, we can’t” and they end up taking him prisoner and then they just…give him to gray to look after.

so a much younger but still presumably awesome gray has this terrifed, confused, grieving kid (who may or may not have seen his own parents’ bodies strung up when dragged from his house) on their hands.

and they learn what he’s been through, what he’s done, been forced to or guided to do by his sick parents, what he’s seen - and they help him, teach him better, and gavin grows up as gray’s son from the start. 🥺😭🥺

i have a question about this devastating thing you once wrote about how gavin’s parents not thinking he was a good son anymore when he started talking & saying Wrong Things 😰😰😰 what exactly was he saying “no” and “i don’t want to” about? in relation to the “stop hurting that man”, did gavin’s disappointing behavior have to do with not wanting to watch/being sad when playthings were hurt? i need to know 💔🥺💔 - newbornwhumperfly

@newbornwhumperfly whaaaaat? Noooo, it totally had nothing to do with Gavin seeing his parents hurt a plaything for the first time. He tooootally wasn't sobbing in the corner at the age of 5, terrified out of his mind, as his father cut someone open and invited him over to get close. His parents tooootally didn't tell him that there were two types of people in the world, Stormbecks and playthings, and he had to decide which one he was right now. He tooootally didn't cling to his mother with tears rolling down his cheeks as she pulled his hand forward and forced him to touch the cuts his father had made.

Why do you ask?

[whump-tr0pes]

I need to gush about Honor Bound for a bit, I apologize for how long this might get, but I figured it can’t be too wrong to show gratitude for something you hold dear! I found Honor Bound through the “Bleeding through the Bandages” chapter in book 4. I got into whump around that time, mainly as a coping mechanism for my own pain, and I saw that chapter pop up on my dashboard and I didn’t really consider it was part of a bigger story and I needed a distraction so I was like, might as well. And then it ended up being the best depiction of what I was feeling that I’ve ever read; not just the pain, but the frustration, and the exhaustion, and the mind-numbing boredom shown in other chapters too. I read the previous chapters of book 4 and then decided I wanted Context and also More Sam and then I read the first three books in two days. And then I reread them all in one day because I needed to reprocess the journey that was. And then I reread all of them again with book 4 when it finished, and then religiously followed book 5 through the worst time I’ve ever had, and reread the previous books multiple times as 5 was updating as well. Needless to say it quickly became my comfort series, and on multiple occasions waiting for a new chapters was one of those little joys that kept me going. I am so, so thankful I found it when I did. The Honor Bound family is like no other found family, at least to me. All of them are such complex individuals, but their interpersonal relationships are just so deep and meaningful and each is so incredibly unique, I could honestly write essays upon essays analyzing each one. And the way you connect everything and weave tropes into the overarching plot is just Insane, it’s truly like you’re… retelling a story that actually happened, you know? Like these are real people and real stories. Because I can’t com prehend how you come up with some of this stuff. And there are so, so many “cinematic” moments that are just. So raw and hard-hitting and just stay with you. Big and small moments alike. The Ryan reveal, Joseph Stormbeck’s death (best death scene ever by the way?? I’ve told everyone I know about it when I read it I was absolutely in Awe. Never recovering from that), every moment between Sam and Isaac (I also have a sibling who I’m not technically related to by blood but would like, probably die for, so I just really appreciated everything about them and we need more stories like theirs) (and also every time Sam called Isaac out. Good for them), Sam talking Gavin through his caning holy shit that was a religious moment, Gray’s slowburn adoption of Gavin and when Gavin decided he wanted to be a Uriah (and how his initial thought to getting asked what he wants to be called was “Moore”. And then he was like “Well fuck.” Love that dumbass), just every single thing Finn ever did for the family, Finn and Ellis and Gavin’s monologue about giving Finn a concussion (!! chills!!) and their reunion after Coleen, Vera and Tori and the Work Song scene??, Vera and Tori lowkey adopting Edrissa and Edrissa’s character development and her rants about pretty things and her and Sam and Zachariah’s adorable Young Love that made me so giddy right along with them and Sam and Zachariah’s meet-ugly (I mean it was kinda sweet), Gray being the parental figure we all needed, and Nata and Zelda and Nata helping Sam (and now Gavin!!) and Vera being so proud of her puppy. Also, Isaac and Gavin’s relationship…Insane. The most dramatic enemies to lovers and I love them for it. Invented love. It’s so crazy to read the beginning and see how far everyone’s come and think about everything that has happened from that one Whumptober prompt. It’s a lot but it also makes so, so much sense. I can’t imagine a version where Isaac and Gavin aren’t together in some way (and since I started out of order, when I realized it was a enemies to lovers I was really excited to see how all of that happened. Especially after reading the first book, because it (1/2)

(2/2) was like, how the hell are they gonna get from point A to point B. No way those are the same characters, how is this ever going to get justified? And then Gavin ended up having the best character development Ever, and I love that, I love that he had to work for it and that we as the readers have to work to love him too, because it pays off). And now the ending of book 5! Oh God. On that note, you’re so good at writing villains; making them human and also absolutely detestable and killing them off in the most satisfactory way tailored to them. There was never a point after a major arc where I thought “oh, I wish this had happened instead of x, I wish this had gone this way instead”. Also, to go back on the topic of pain (physical and mental both)! The way everyone copes with it differently, it’s the same thing but it’s unique to the person dealing with it and that’s so clear in your characters, and I also love, love how you made a point of showing how pain changes people because that’s something that I find so often gets ignored, whether voluntarily or not, even in whump. But, yeah, pain definitely changes people. And that’s not always bad, and it’s not always drastic, but it happens and it’s not a shameful thing. Everyone breaks. And HB made me believe that I was allowed to break, and that it’s still possible to live a life you think is worth it. And I won’t even get into how much it’d taught me about friendship and family and how it made me reflect on my own relationships with my loved ones (especially Isaac’s perspective, oh God). It’s just such a rewarding journey. That’s the best word to describe it, I think. And this latest chapter: “The sun shone brightly on the hood of the car, so bright Isaac almost had to close his eyes. The wind moved through the trees that swayed on either side of the lane. Isaac rolled his window down, and he could hear the birds calling to each other, and the sound of the wind rustling the long grasses that smelled so green. With each heartbeat, Gavin relaxed in his arms, his head falling against Isaac’s shoulder, his breaths becoming deep and slow again. A tear rolled down Isaac’s cheek, and he hid his smile against Gavin’s hair.” That image. It’s so vivid and visceral. It gives me the exact same feeling as spring after a long winter (which is…super fitting, actually). It’s that moment of pure contentedness when you realize it’d all been worth it. I don’t know, it just really, really struck me, and I’m so glad the book ended on that note. Despite knowing more hurt awaits, even that feels okay, because happiness will always find a way to seep through. And God, do they deserve that! It’s gonna be heartbreaking when their story ends, but I also know it’s gonna feel right. Like a peaceful retirement. Just, thank you for sharing this world with us, Athena. I hope you’re aware how meaningful this story is to so many of us. And being able to follow it in real-time and hear your inputs and chat about the characters and scream in the comments and reblogs is such a privilege (and being able to read it for free at all? Five books (six counting Vera)! For free! Though I will be getting books 1 and 2 soon hopefully actually). I cannot wait for book 6 and I Will be crying about book 5 until then (and long afterwards, most likely). And I wish you all the best in everything you take on next.<3

Wow, I... wow. I had to set down my phone and just sit in silence after I read this. I’m just... so humbled and amazed that you were able to connect so much with the story and the characters. I’m so glad that you saw something of yourself, and that you were able to find comfort in it. I find comfort in them, too, just knowing that the characters are there when I need to write them. 

It’s important to me for things to turn out ‘right.’ That’s part of why I write whump: the bad guys can be defeated, the good guys emerge safe, and love prevails. Writing Isaac and Gavin’s love story was absolutely the biggest surprise for me, it really did feel like I was the last to know. But I treasure them both so much and I love writing them. The family is so fun to explore, with each relationship being so different from the other. I’ve poured so much of myself into this story and into every single one of the characters. 

Book 6 is going to be such a challenge. It’s the last book in the series, and the one that’ll (hopefully) tie everything together. I’m giving myself a little break, but I’m also a little scared to start it because once I start it, then each chapter will be closer to the end, and then it’ll be over. I have a few more things in store for the family but at the end, I hope they’re safe, happy, and together. These characters mean more to me than I can say and I’m so happy I’ll have you with me along the way.

[whump-tr0pes]

Honor Bound 5 - 7

This is a series. Start here, continued from here.

This is a sequel to Honor Bound, Honor Bound 2, Honor Bound 3, Honor Bound 4, and the prequel Vera.

AO3

Content warning: permanent injury, chronic pain, mild implied spice, PTSD, accidental triggering, past captivity, really fucked up parenting

~

“What kind of tea do you want?” Edrissa said, her head in the tea cabinet. “I have chamomile, mint, the spice tea, basil and mint, lemon balm, green tea, Gavin’s headache tea, and that new black tea I got yesterday that’s really really good. It’s almost like Oolong but it’s a little more, I don’t know, intense? Maybe it’s an Oolong blend. I haven’t figured it out yet. Mx. Sadey said the labels fell off when the box got wet and so it’s just kind of a surprise any time they pull teas from that box…”

Sam glanced at her from where they stood at the counter kneading bread dough with one hand. Their right arm was slinged. It was feeling better since they’d hurt it again three days ago, but Finn wasn’t taking any chances. It still throbbed sometimes, still sent those agonizing stabs of pain through them when they moved just wrong. Still, it didn’t feel like anything more was wrong.

Edrissa’s blue eyes met theirs. Their heart squeezed as she blushed.

“Umm…” They scrunched their nose as they thought. “Chamomile, please.”

Edrissa nodded and turned her gaze to Zachariah, who stood across the kitchen at another counter chopping onions for the stew that would feed the family tonight. Her lips curved into a faint smile.

“I’ll, um, take chamomile too, please,” Zachariah said softly.

Edrissa nodded once and pulled the tin from the cabinet. She flitted to the stove and began to heat the kettle. Then she spun and went to Sam’s side, her hip just brushing against theirs. Sam wanted to pull her close and kiss her, right there.

“How’s the bread going?” she murmured, and Sam flushed, hoping she was dropping her voice so she’d have an excuse to draw even closer. The faint, sweet flowery smell of her shampoo wafted over Sam, that and the smell of sunshine that seemed to follow her wherever she went.

“Um, good,” they said, and their voice cracked. They cleared their throat. “Good. I think it just needs to sit… right?”

Edrissa beamed. “Right. We’ll let it rise, then place it in the pans. Speaking of.” She darted to the oven. “I should preheat this.”

Zachariah set the knife down on the counter and crossed to the stove. He steered clear of Edrissa as he slid the onions into the stew pot. She watched him carefully, her gaze following his hands. Her eyes flicked to his face and back, and she smiled again.

It would be so good if she liked him, too, Sam thought with a flush.

“Celery next?” Zachariah said, already crossing to the refrigerator.

“Yeah,” Edrissa said. She pulled three mugs down from the cupboard as Zachariah took a giant stalk of celery from the refrigerator and began to cut it into bite-sized pieces on the cutting board. Edrissa scooped three spoonfuls of chamomile into the tea strainers and set them each into the mugs.

“What’re you making us?” Vera said as she walked into the kitchen. Sam looked up at her and saw her smiling, wandering over to the stove. “Need any help?”

“Not yet,” Edrissa said. “Actually…” She glanced around the kitchen at Sam and Zachariah. “I think we might have it covered.”

“Fair enough,” Vera said with a nod. She turned and went to the barstools that stood along the counter that looked into the kitchen. She sat down with a groan.

“Where’s Tori?” Sam said as they gently placed the dough into a bowl and covered the bowl with a cloth.

“Reading,” Vera said with a shrug. “She wanted some alone time, so I’m out here harassing you.” She laughed. “Are you feeling harassed?”

“No,” Edrissa said, raising her eyebrows at Vera.

“Yes,” Sam said at the exact same time, throwing an impish grin Vera’s way.

Vera snorted and looked to Zachariah. “What about you, kid? You break the tie. Are you feeling harassed?”

Zachariah’s eyes went wide and his face went pale as he looked up at Vera. His gaze darted to Sam and Edrissa and back to Vera. He swallowed hard, his hand curling around a stalk of celery. “Um… y-yes?”

Vera burst out laughing and high-fived herself. “Mission accomplished,” she said with a smile.

Sam looked towards the back of the house as the door opened. They smiled as Isaac and Gavin wandered in, Isaac’s arm slung over Gavin’s shoulders. In the corner of the eye, they saw Zachariah tense and turn back towards the cutting board. Edrissa didn’t seem to bat an eye, but returned to Sam’s side, winding her arm around Sam’s waist and pressing a kiss to their cheek. Sam flushed as they pulled her close and kissed gently into her hair. Their flush deepened as they noticed Vera look at them – and then waggle her eyebrows at them with a wide grin on her face.

“How’s the lake?” Vera said from her seat at the counter.

Isaac drew his free hand through his hair and laughed. “Completely devoid of fish, as far as I can tell,” he said with a shrug. “At this point we’ve put lines down the whole way around the lake and caught nothing.”

“It doesn’t count if you’re making out the whole time and not watching the lines,” Vera said, and cocked an eyebrow at Isaac.

Isaac and Gavin both flushed an almost painful-looking red. Isaac opened his mouth to protest. “I…”

“Oh, just ignore her, Isaac,” Sam said good-naturedly, their arm still around Edrissa’s waist. “She’s been harassing us since she sat down.”

Vera idly chewed a fingernail. “Which, as I said, was my mission,” she said. “And I think I’m pulling it off beautifully. Who else am I supposed to bother if Tori’s not around?”

“Where’s Tori?” Isaac asked as he went to the sink and filled a cup with water. He drank the whole thing and filled it again.

Vera shrugged. “She wanted some time to herself. She’s reading. And I wanted to come bother you lovely people.”

“Lucky us,” Isaac grumbled, and shot a winning smile in Vera’s direction. “I think it might be worth it to talk to someone in Burmingham about stocking the lake. Having meat around would be good.”

Edrissa wrinkled her nose. “Oh, good. More fish.”

The kettle on the stove began to whistle. Edrissa left Sam’s side to go take it off and pour steaming water into the three cups on the counter. “I can make tea for you guys, too,” she said, and looked up at Vera, Isaac, and Gavin.

“No, no thanks,” Gavin said quietly, his cheeks still red. Isaac shook his head.

Vera smiled. “I’m okay, thanks,” she said.

Edrissa nodded and put the kettle back on the stovetop. She picked up two of the mugs. She took one to Sam, carefully passing it into their left had before she kissed them gently on the cheek again. Then she went to Zachariah’s side. He dwarfed her, standing as tall as Isaac, and broader in the shoulders and hips. Sam’s heart skipped as Edrissa handed him the cup, having to crane her head back to look up at him, her pale blonde hair looking almost like white gold against Zachariah’s warm brown skin. Sam’s throat bobbed as they swallowed, their mouth going dry at the thought they’d had ever since Zachariah appeared into their life again.

Maybe…

Zachariah smiled shyly at Edrissa as he took the cup. “Thanks, Edrissa,” he murmured. “You’re a sweetheart.”

The smile on Sam’s face disappeared. Their stomach lurched. Gavin and Vera both gasped.

Edrissa spun around to look at Vera, and her gaze drifted to Gavin. “W-we don’t say that word,” Edrissa said tightly.

Zachariah fell a step back, his hands still clutching the mug. He seemed to shrink before Sam’s eyes. “I’m… ‘m sorry,” he said through trembling lips. “I didn’t… I… I’m sorry.”

Sam glanced at Vera. She was staring at the counter, drawing in slow, deep breaths, her hands clenched into fists in front of her. She squeezed her eyes shut and rolled her neck, and Sam could hear it pop from across the kitchen. They chewed their lip.

Movement in the corner of their eye drew their gaze to Gavin. He stood huddled against Isaac’s side, his eyes wide and filled with horror – and staring right at Vera.

“Oh, fuck,” Gavin whispered.

Vera opened her eyes and blew out another breath through her lips. She met Gavin’s gaze. “Well,” she breathed. “That’s a fucking horrifying realization.”

Zachariah blinked and looked at Vera. “Wh-what? I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” Vera said evenly, but her hands shook as she clasped them together. She looked up at Gavin, and the pain in her eyes made Sam’s chest ache. “And I didn’t even… make the connection.”

“N-neither did I,” Gavin whimpered softly. His fingers tangled in Isaac’s shirt. Isaac pressed an anxious kiss against Gavin’s temple.

Sam wet their lips. “Um, Zachariah…” They walked to Zachariah’s side, standing just beside Edrissa. They could feel everyone’s gazes on their back. “We, um, don’t say that word because, um… that’s what Joseph Stormbeck used to call Vera when he… captured her.” They gently rested their hand on Zachariah’s arm, and felt Zachariah relax slightly under the touch. “And that’s what Colleen Stormbeck called Gavin while she, um…”

“My whole life,” Gavin said with a hollow voice. “That’s what she called me my whole life. That’s what she called all her playthings. And I never even… noticed.”

“I’m sorry,” Zachariah said in a small voice. “I’m sorry.” He drew himself up to his full height and looked at the others. Sam turned and saw Gavin still looking right at Vera, and she looked right back at him with a matching expression of horror and understanding. Sam’s hand slipped from Zachariah’s arm, and they flexed their fingers as their hand fell to their side. Edrissa’s eyes were fixed on Sam, a strange sort of sadness crossing her face.

Slowly, Vera pushed herself up from the barstool and crossed to Gavin’s side. Tears shone in Gavin’s eyes. Vera’s were dry, looking almost fevered. She held out a hand to Gavin.

Gavin slid from Isaac’s embrace and fell against Vera as she wrapped her arms around him and crushed him to her chest. He squeezed her tight and laid his head on her shoulder.

“Now we know,” Vera said heavily, her voice tight with tears.

“H-how did we… miss that?” Gavin said, and his voice broke.

Vera huffed out a broken laugh. “Don’t make me remind you this early in the afternoon that you’re a dumb—”

“I’m a dumbass,” Gavin grumbled against her shoulder. “I know.”

Isaac stepped forward and wrapped his arms around them both. “I’m… um… s-sorry,” he croaked. “For both of you. That they… hurt you that way.”

Vera sniffed and pulled away from them both. She still held Gavin by his shoulders. “Yeah,” she said weakly.

Zachariah shifted his feet next to Sam. “So… so they… Gavin, you…”

“Yeah,” Gavin said, and swiped at his eyes. “I mean, I knew she… used me, but I didn’t realize… she…” He cleared his throat. “Um…” He blew out a slow breath, and shrugged out of Vera’s grip. “Isaac… I’m going to go, um, change.”

Isaac met Gavin’s gaze, and Sam’s heart ached at the pain they saw there. He always blames himself. He always feels like he has to fix it.

Isaac nodded. “Okay. Do you want—”

“I just need a minute,” Gavin rasped, and sidestepped Isaac. He disappeared down the hall, with Isaac looking after him.

When Isaac finally looked away from the hallway, he turned to Vera. “Do you…?” He held out his hands to her.

“Yeah, sure,” Vera said brusquely, and dragged Isaac into a crushing hug.

At Sam’s side, Zachariah crossed his arms over his chest and looked at the floor. “Is there, um… any, anything else I shouldn’t say?”

Sam glanced at Edrissa. “Edrissa… Do you—”

“Honey,” she said with a tremulous voice. She set her jaw. “They called me ‘honey’.”

Zachariah nodded.

Sam wet their lips. “And… please don’t call me, um… Sammy,” Sam said, looking up at him, their heart speeding up as his light brown eyes found theirs. They glanced to Edrissa, and to Vera and Isaac, who had let go of each other and now stood close enough that their shoulders were touching. “Guys, can you think of anything…?”

“I think that about covers it,” Vera said, a hint of bitterness in her voice. “I mean, I’m guessing we’ll be finding shit like this for a while.” She fixed Zachariah with her gaze, and he seemed to wither under it. “But it’s not your fault, kid. Okay?”

Zachariah swallowed loudly. “Um…”

“It’s not,” Sam said gently, finding their own hand once again settling on his shoulder. “We all make mistakes with this stuff, and you didn’t know.”

Zachariah’s mouth twisted. “But I do now,” he said. He looked at Edrissa as she crossed to Sam’s side and tucked herself under their unslinged arm. “And I’ll… I’ll remember.”

Sam nodded at Zachariah, and turned to look at Edrissa. She was looking at them both with a sad, wistful smile on her face.

Continued here

@untilthepainstarts​, @womping-grounds​, @free-2bmee​, @quirkykayleetam​, @walkingchemicalfire​, @inpainandsuffering​, @redwingedwhump​, @burtlederp​, @castielamigos-whump-side-blog​, @whatwhumpcomments​, @cursedscribbles​, @whumpywhumper​, @stxck-fxck​, @omega-em-z-02​, @whumps-the-word​, @justwhumpitwhumpitgood​, @justplainwhump​, @moose-teeth​, @slaintetowhump​, @finder-of-rings​, @inky-whump​, @thatsthewhump​, @orchidscript​, @insanitywishes​, @this-mightaswell-happen​, @newandfiguringitout​, @whumpkitty​, @pretty-face-breaker​, @cinnamonflavoredhugs​, @inaridriscoll​, @im-just-here-for-the-whump​, @endless-whump​, @grizzlie70​, @oops-its-whump

[whump-tr0pes]

Honor Bound 4 - 21

This is a series. Start here, continued from here.

This is a sequel to Honor Bound, Honor Bound 2, Honor Bound 3.

AO3

Cw: immediate aftermath of lashing out at a loved one while in a dissoci@tive state, emesis mention, discussion about dissoci@tion, PTSD, death mention, conversation about comparing trauma, navigating loved ones with trauma, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it mention of suicide attempt, allusion to mutual noncon

~

Vera slammed the door behind her as Finn guided her out into the yard, everything pitched a raw orange with the setting sun. Her chest was frozen, her throat spasmed shut, her lungs heaving at the sob that threatened to tear from her. She dragged her hands through her hair, knees shaking. Her stomach heaved until she thought she might vomit into the grass. She felt a shaking hand on her shoulder and lurched upright, her gaze finding Finn’s, desperate.

“She—” Vera choked and coughed on her own spit. “Sh-she—”

“She didn’t mean it,” Finn said stiffly, their hand still shaking.

“But she said it,” Vera hissed. “She… after everything she’s, she’s seen and heard, she still said, that, said that Joseph… Gavin…”

“I know,” Finn said. Their other hand went to her shoulder and they steadied her. “You know she didn’t mean it. She… a lot of us say things like that when we’re under.”

“She wasn’t under,” Vera snarled, and stepped out of Finn’s grip. “She said it herself.”

Finn pressed their lips together and pushed out a breath. “Vera…”

Vera heaved a sob and bent forward at the waist. She couldn’t… she couldn’t let it in, couldn’t let the feel of Joseph’s collar – not Colleen’s, they felt different – wrap around her throat again, couldn’t fall in, couldn’t let Tori be right, that Joseph had brainwashed her, and so had Gavin, so much so that she didn’t want to kill him, she wouldn’t, she…

Vera groaned and straightened up. No matter what Tori said, under or not, Vera knew Gavin hadn’t brainwashed her. She knew it. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t mean to, to take this out on… you…”

“You’re not,” Finn said, their voice high and strained with tears. “I know that. You’re just… upset, I know, and it’s not your fault…” They ducked into Vera’s line of sight. “And it’s not hers either. You know that.”

Vera tilted her head back, letting her tears run into her hair. The sun was almost setting behind the low hills, far in the distance across the lake, almost blocked by the trees that ringed the other side. She closed her eyes against the raw wave of pain that crashed over her, drowning her, tearing at her insides.

“She… What if she doesn’t want to be with me after this?” she whispered. It felt like a curse, speaking the words out loud, as if saying it would make it true.

Finn hung their head. “I…” They crossed their arms over their chest. “I can’t speak for, um, for Tori. But… we’ve all been so hurt, Vera. We all love… someone who’s been hurt. And… we find a way. We find a way to stay together.”

“But you don’t—”

Finn flinched and met her gaze. Their look was made only the more bitter by the shadow of acceptance, of bracing, of waiting for Vera to strike the blow. Vera bit down hard on her tongue to keep herself from saying it: you don’t understand because you weren’t hurt. No one laid a hand on you or Ellis. She shuddered. No one laid a hand on me in there, either.

Finn watched her expectantly. Vera swallowed hard and looked at the grass at her feet. “S-sorry,” she murmured.

Finn drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Vera… Isaac has almost killed people when he’s under. We all do bad shit, okay? We’ve all done bad shit because of pain.”

“But this is—”

Worse?

Vera’s jaw clenched as she looked at Finn. “You don’t.”

Finn raised an eyebrow. “I don’t… what?”

“You don’t do bad things because you’re in pain.”

Finn leaned back on their heels and bit their lip. “Um…” They glanced at the house. “My bad things are… are medical fuck-ups.” Vera could almost feel the weight of more words hanging on them.

Vera tried to crack a smile and it felt like a grimace on her lips. “And sometimes being a dick.”

“I’m… I’m an angel,” Finn said tightly, with a twisted smile. Slowly, it faded. “I also just… haven’t been hurt nearly as much as any of you.”

Vera jerked her head from side to side. “Finn. No. There’s no compar—”

“Yeah, no comparing,” Finn said bitterly. “I get that. But at some point there is the objective fact that I just haven’t been through as much as any of you.” They bit their lip and stared down at the grass.

Vera wanted to argue. She opened her mouth, but no words came. She let her mouth close.

She looked over the lake, where the clouds were fading to a warm purple. “Pain is relative,” she said finally, weakly.

Finn snorted. “Yeah, well…” They let out a gusty breath.

They stood in silence for a while as the light faded. Vera wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. Always shivering against the cold. Always longing for a blanket or a coat or a body next to her to ward it off. Always feeling the shadow of cement pressed against her bare skin if she was cold for long enough.

Finn drew in a deep breath and let it out through their lips. “Ellis… has a lot of pain.”

Vera looked at Finn steadily and waited for them to keep going. “Yeah,” she said softly after a while.

Finn’s eyes were clouded with tears. “And that’s okay. I love them, and they come with pain. That’s it. But…” They pulled their hands roughly through their hair. “I don’t know what I was going to say. It’s not like they’re ‘the damaged one’ and I’m ‘the hero who saves them.’ We’re both damaged. We’re both hurt. We all are. It’s just that sometimes…” Finn bit their lip and drew in a shaking breath. “…sometimes it hurts more than usual. And I don’t have any advice for when that happens. Sometimes I have to step away. Sometimes I have to step closer. And I don’t know what Tori needs right now.” They met Vera’s eyes. “Or what you need.”

Vera barked out a laugh, twisted with the tears that threatened. “I’d settle for a hug right now.”

Finn stepped forward and tugged Vera into a tight embrace.

Vera shuddered, her arms winding around Finn’s neck, clutching them hard. Her fingers twisted in their shirt. Her chest heaved. She ground her face into Finn’s shoulder and started to shake with painful, racking sobs.

Finn squeezed her tighter and swayed slowly with her, back and forth, back and forth. They gently rubbed her back as she gasped and wailed against Finn’s neck, her chest aching like a fist had closed on her heart and was slowly crushing it. She trembled and clung to Finn, clutching at them, hanging on like she was dangling over a cliff.

She felt wetness on her shoulder and realized Finn was crying, too.

Vera cried harder, great, open-mouthed sobs tearing from her one right after the other. Everything from the past three weeks crashed over her at once, every scream, every moment of watching Tori suffer, every moment where she heard Isaac or Sam or Finn cry and could do nothing about it. Every moment since they’d escaped weighed heavy on her, crushing her, every moment when she had to be strong for her family or they wouldn’t survive. Every moment where she’d carried Isaac as he fell apart, listened to Sam cry, felt Gavin’s hands on her throat as he tried to force her to take his life, all broke over her at once. Her lungs screamed at her as she struggled to draw a full breath.

“It’s okay,” Finn soothed. “It’s okay, Vera. We’re all safe now.”

“B-but… T-Tori, she, she, she got hurt, and I knew this would ha-happen and I, I let her come, I, I knew and I still… I was sup-posed to protect them and I didn’t, and I, I watched and, now she’s… she’s—” Vera was cut off with a racking cough. “She, no, she g-got hurt and now she’s, she’s gone and I’ll never ge-et her, her b-back and Isaac is, is s-so hurt and Gavin is, is, he’s asked me to kill him so many fucking times now—”

“What?”

“—and Sam… Sam…” Vera convulsed against Finn, dug her fingertips into their back until they winced. “S-Sam is, is, oh, god, Finn, they’re, they—” She dragged in a wheezing gasp. “They’re so fucking, ­h-hurt and I can’t stand to hear them cry and I’m so fucking glad I wasn’t here when they were screaming because I… I can’t fucking… take it!”

“I-it’s okay,” Finn murmured, shaking. “I took care of it.”

“I know,” she whimpered miserably. “I know you did. Th-thank you.”

“It’s no problem,” Finn said softly against her shoulder. They adjusted their arms where they were wrapped around Vera’s waist. “You s-said… you said Gavin has… asked you to, to kill him?”

Vera’s eyes fell shut, sending a cascade of tears down her cheeks. “Yeah,” she whispered.

She heard Finn’s throat working around a swallow. “…why?”

Vera huffed out a bitter exhale. “Because he thinks he deserves it,” she hissed. “He thinks… it’s all his fault. That he’s like his father, because of what he did to Isaac.”

Finn went still. “But he’s not—”

“It doesn’t matter what he is or isn’t,” she said through her teeth, opening her eyes and looking up at the sky, starting to twinkle with stars. “What matters is that Colleen broke him.”

“No, she didn’t,” Finn said soothingly. “She didn’t break him. He’s still Gavin. He still loves us. He almost died getting us out.”

A shiver passed over Vera’s shoulders and she pressed her mouth to her arm. “Gavin Stormbeck is dead,” she whispered against her sleeve.

Finn’s arms loosened around her and they stepped away, keeping one hand on her shoulder. “What?”

Vera’s mouth twisted. “Gavin Stormbeck is dead. He… I mean, we have to sell that, if we’re going to keep seeing Danny, but…” She shrugged jerkily. “It’s like he really did die. He’s not that person anymore. He’s… he really is Gavin Uriah now.”

“Names are powerful,” Finn said with a nod. They chewed their lip as they looked at Vera. “Why would we have to keep seeing Daniel?”

Vera scoffed and brought the neck of her shirt up to wipe her face. “Because he wants our help,” she sneered. After a moment, her expression softened. “He wants us to help him process the refugees that are going to be coming more often,” she said quietly. “He doesn’t have the manpower right now. And…” Vera shrugged, her shoulders slightly less tight. “I think it would be nice to… to help people without, um…” She wet her lips. “…giving so much.” She trailed off and wrapped her arms around herself, starting to shiver harder.

Finn nodded their head and crossed their arms over their chest. “That’s fair. And it sounds like we could really do some good with that. Even if we have to see—”

“—his royal motherfuckery—”

“—the mayor,” Finn laughed. “I honestly think it’s hilarious that not a single one of us likes him—”

“—not a single one,” Vera finished with a chuckle. The sky had faded to a dusky purple, with only a slash of pink on the horizon to show the sun had set. The moon had risen and was shimmering on the lake. Vera and Finn fell into a comfortable silence. She shivered again.

Finn glanced at her, then looked to the horizon with her. “You cold?”

Vera nodded. “Yeah. A little.”

“You want me to grab you a jacket?”

She shook her head. “Naw. I’m good. Thanks, though.”

“Okay.” Finn bit their lip, then looked back towards the house. “I can—”

“Go,” Vera said with a smile. “Go see Ellis. You two have a lot of time to catch up on.”

“No amount of time will be enough,” Finn said under their breath.

Vera’s lips quirked up, then turned down again as another wash of hurt and despair dragged at her mind like mud. She tried to hold back the tears that welled in her eyes.

“If you’re, um, okay…” Finn wet their lips, already leaning back towards the house. “I mean, if you—”

“Go on.” Vera jerked her chin at the house and tried her best to smile. “I’m good. Want to stay out here for a while.”

“If you, um…” Finn wrung their hands, awkwardly shifting their weight. “If you, um… want Ellis’s and my room tonight, we could… I mean, Ellis would probably be fine with it, we could sleep on the couches, it’s not—”

Vera held up a hand. “Thanks, Finn,” she said weakly, her voice wobbling. “If I need to, I’ll sleep on the couch tonight. But thanks for offering.”

Finn nodded and turned towards the house. “Yeah,” they murmured over their shoulder. They walked back to the house, their steps quickening until they disappeared inside.

Vera turned back to look over the lake, breathing deeply. If she doesn’t want to be with me anymore… If I let her get hurt too badly for her to want me… If she doesn’t trust me to keep her safe… She felt scraped hollow, empty, the raw edges of her hurt feeling enflamed and torn. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, letting the cold seep into her skin, cool the tears that ran slowly down her cheeks.

She heard the door to the house open behind her. She stiffened, every nerve as cold as ice. She wouldn’t let herself think it, wouldn’t let herself imagine… But it came to her mind anyway. This is where someone comes to tell me she doesn’t want me to come back. That maybe I should just sleep elsewhere for a while, maybe in the car, until she feels safe enough to see me again… The footsteps were drawing nearer.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and turned. She rocked forward with a sob as she saw Tori walking slowly towards her, her arms crossed across her chest, her face shrouded in darkness.

As Tori got closer, Vera’s heart dropped. Tori’s face was lit dimly by the moon and twisted in something that looked like grief, like shame. Her eyes were pleading, almost desperate, and shone with tears.

Vera was frozen where she stood, her lips numb and useless. She let her hands fall to her sides. Tori folded into her arms with a sob.

Continued here

@untilthepainstarts​​, @womping-grounds​, @free-2bmee​, @quirkykayleetam​, @walkingchemicalfire​, @inpainandsuffering​, @redwingedwhump​, @burtlederp​, @castielamigos-whump-side-blog​, @whatwhumpcomments​, @cursedscribbles​, @whumpywhumper​, @stxck-fxck​, @omega-em-z-02​, @whumps-the-word​, @justwhumpitwhumpitgood​, @justplainwhump​, @moose-teeth​, @slaintetowhump​, @finder-of-rings​, @inky-whump​, @thatsthewhump​, @orchidscript​, @insanitywishes​, @this-mightaswell-happen​, @newandfiguringitout​, @whumpkitty​, @pretty-face-breaker​, @cinnamonflavoredhugs​, @inaridriscoll​, @im-just-here-for-the-whump​​, @endless-whump 

[newbornwhumperfly]

i……

*clears throat*

what the everloving fuck? is their problem? 😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰

i can’t believe they’d rather their child be DEAD than happy and not serving them, good LORD …..

a hard truth, for collen and joseph (pre-refurbished!gavin timeline): one day, your son is going to leave you and join your enemies. he will realize you never truly loved him, that you’re horrible people, and he will take another family name. he will grow and change and love and he will never torturr another person again. your legacy will die with gavin because gavin stormbeck is dead. - newbornwhumperfly

Cw: implied child death

Joseph and Colleen share a long, heavy look. After a pause, Colleen nods. Joseph gets up and heads for Gavin's room. On his way, he grabs Gavin's favorite knife, one solid piece of black steel from handle to tip. When he emerges a few minutes later, there is a speck of blood on his cuff of his suit jacket. He strips off the jacket, hands it to a passing servant, and takes a seat on the couch with Colleen as if nothing has happened.

[whump-tr0pes]

Honor Bound 2 - 37

Honor Bound 2 - 37 (brainwashing) - @badthingshappenbingo​​ - requested by @walkingchemicalfire​​

Red X is for posted, white X is for requested. 

This is a series. Start here, continued from here.

This is a sequel to Honor Bound.

Cw: mention of death squads, mention of head injury, mention of death of family, mention of child abuse (parent letting child torture someone), abusive language towards an SO, panic attack, mention of death threats

Finn made their way slowly through the woods, tilting their head up, enjoying the feeling of the sun dappling on their face. The breathed deep the clean, cool air, the smell of trees and sky. It was chillier up north and they shivered slightly in their light jacket. The woods were more pine than at Tori’s house.

Finn felt a pang of loss when they thought about Tori’s house. It had been their home for almost four months before they’d started up running missions again, and it was their home base they returned to after every one. It was the one place they’d felt safe in… years. Maybe since they escaped the death squads the destroyed the Junior Defense Corps. It was place they would never see again, now that Gavin’s people knew where it was. It was no longer safe. No longer home.

Anger moved slowly through Finn’s gut. Anger at Gavin, at the system that had created him. Anger at his father, who had guided Gavin to torture Vera when he was ten. Ten. A child. Gavin should have been playing with his friends, climbing trees, building forts and getting underfoot. He should have had a childhood. Instead, his father had taken him down into the basement Vera rarely talked about, and taught him torture.

Joseph Stormbeck broke Gavin. Finn had no illusions about that.

Sometimes it snuck up on them: the bitter resentment at Gavin for what he had done. Finn’s left hand still ached from time to time, when a strong storm came through. Their brain had healed completely, but they still felt a terrible sense of dread that everything they were, every memory, every aspect of them could be erased in a moment with a well-placed blow to the head. Finn had been dizzy for weeks after Gavin had given them a concussion. They knew too well the damage could have been much worse.

And yet, the deepest fury they held in their body for Gavin was for what he did to Ellis. Finn had known going in that Ellis was hurt, wounded, torn apart by the loss of their family. Finn had been prepared to be with Ellis through it, hold them when the loneliness crushed them. They hadn’t been prepared for the damage Gavin had done.

Finn shook their head and pushed the thought away. This wasn’t the place for pain, for ruminating on the past. This forest was the place for enjoyment of the now. This was the place they went with Ellis to be alone, to remember their walks near Tori’s house, the surreptitious love they made in the only place they had true privacy. These walks were for them, and no one else. These walks weren’t for thoughts about Gavin.

Finn glanced at Ellis. They didn’t look nearly as happy to be out here as Finn was.

Finn stopped and took Ellis’s hand, searching their face with their gaze. “Ellis?” Finn said softly, squeezing Ellis’s fingers. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Ellis grumbled. They pulled their hand out of Finn’s grasp.

Finn chewed their lip. “Okay… You seem mad.”

Ellis crossed their arms and took a step back, away from Finn. “Well, I…” They blew out a slow breath through their nose. “I’m sorry. I’m not fine. I’m fucking pissed.”

Finn swallowed. “Okay. About what?”

Ellis refused to meet Finn’s gaze. “About… about you.”

Finn’s heart beat a little faster. “About, um, me?”

“Yeah.” Ellis shook their head, still staring at a bush to Finn’s left. Refusing to look at them. “You…” Ellis’s jaw worked. “How can you… be so fucking… nice… to Gavin Stormbeck?”

Finn’s eyebrows pulled together in utter confusion. “What? I’m not… nice… What?”

Ellis rolled their eyes. “At breakfast this morning? The bacon?”

Finn balked. “You think that was… being… Ellis, I don’t…”

“You shared with him. You shared your fucking food with him. After everything… everything he’s done…”

“Um, yeah, Ellis,” Finn snapped, defensiveness creeping up their limbs, pulling their shoulders higher around their ears. “I shared my food with him. He’s gonna be with us for, um, a long time. We have to share our shit with him.”

“Well, you…” Ellis stared at the ground. “You didn’t have to be so fucking nice about it.”

Finn threw their hands in the air. “What about that was nice? He asked if anyone wanted the bacon, I did, we split it. What’s the matter with that?”

Ellis ground their teeth. “I don’t… I don’t know, okay?”

“Babe…” Finn’s voice dropped, grew a little softer. “I’m not… I’m not cozying up to him, okay? I’m not… forgetting what he’s done. But he’s different. And I think—”

“He’s different?” Ellis nearly shrieked, the anger in them rising to the surface and bursting through their skin, their voice. “Are you fucking kidding?”

Finn bit down hard on their retort.

“Are you…” Ellis ran their hands roughly through their hair. “Are you… has he fucking brainwashed you, or something? Are you out of your mind?”

“Stop yelling at me,” Finn growled.

Ellis flushed, bright red spreading over the pale skin of their cheeks, creeping down their neck. Shame twisted their features, dampened the rage there.

“I know he’s fucked with us,” Finn snapped. “I fucking remember, okay? I wore a brace on my hand for months because of what he did. I remember watching him torture Isaac. I remember Sam nearly dying. Okay? I’m the one who placed the chest tube in Gray. I’m the one who pulled Sam back from sepsis. I’m the one who cleans up what he did to all of us.” Finn’s lips trembled and their hands started to shake. “I’m the one who put you all back together again.”

Ellis pressed their lips together and stared at the ground, the flush burning deeper on their skin.

“So don’t…” Finn’s hands curled into fists at their sides. “Don’t fucking say I’m brainwashed. Don’t…” Their throat closed up around a sob. They forced it down, ignored the way their eyes burned. “Don’t say… don’t say he fucked with my head. Okay? He… he didn’t. I’m still… still me.” They swallowed the lump in their throat, cursing the tears that fell down their cheeks.

At that, Ellis’s head snapped up and they met Finn’s gaze, regret and guilt heavy in their eyes. “Oh,” Ellis breathed. “Finn, I didn’t mean… I didn’t mean that…”

“I know you’re angry,” Finn said, their voice tight with the sob they were holding down with everything they had. “I know you hate him. And I don’t blame you. I don’t. You can hate him forever. I don’t care. But… I fix people, Ellis. I know when someone is broken. And Gavin is… is broken. You’ve seen him and if you deny it…” Finn shook their head.

“I…”

“You’ve seen how he reacts to blood. You saw him with the bounty hunters. You saw Gavin with Isaac’s blood, when the mob nearly hanged him. You’ve seen how he flinches around Vera. You’ve seen it, right?”

“Yeah,” Ellis whispered, their voice thick with something Finn couldn’t place. They didn’t want to place it. They wanted Ellis to understand.

“And you heard what Isaac said this morning, too, right?” Finn said, their voice still tight but not as loud. They breathed slowly, forced the tearing pressure in their chest down. “You heard him talking about how Gavin’s not sleeping well. And you’ve heard him screaming at night, I know you have.”

Ellis nodded slowly. “I know.”

“I know he’s done some terrible fucking shit, Ellis,” Finn said heavily. “I’m aware. But… look at who his parents are. His father was willing to let him die so he could capture Vera again. His mother was hoping we’d kill him the first chance we got. He’s been raised from birth to be exactly who he was and once he got his shit scrambled, he left.”

“That doesn’t fucking excuse it,” Ellis mumbled, their own eyes shining with tears.

“I didn’t say it does,” Finn said through their teeth. “All I’m saying is…” They pushed out a slow breath through their lips. There was a tightness in their chest that wouldn’t be relieved. “All I’m saying is, he’s changed. And I’m… I’m willing to give him a chance. Even if that chance is just sharing food with him.”

“He doesn’t get a chance with me,” Ellis sneered.

“Well…” Finn gulped, trembling at the wave of terror and rage rising in them. They took a step back from Ellis. “I…”

Ellis’s eyes went wide. “Finn… Are you…?”

“He didn’t fuck with my head,” Finn whispered. “He… he didn’t. I’m not… crazy, I’m not confused…”

Ellis held their hands out plaintively to Finn, biting their lip, taking a half-step in their direction. “I know, babe… I’m sorry…”

“He didn’t… Do you… seriously… think…?” Finn gasped, gulped at the air that seemed to have all rushed out of the forest at once. They stumbled back and nearly fell. Ellis lunged forward and caught them.

“I don’t, babe,” Ellis whimpered, tears rolling down their cheeks. “I’m so—”

“How could you… say that…”

“I didn’t mean it…”

“You did,” Finn sobbed. “You think he’s tricked me. You think I…” They slowly slid to their knees, pressing their face into their hands. “I didn’t know this was… still in my… head…”

“I swear to god, Finn, I didn’t mean it,” Ellis said as they pulled Finn into their arms. “I swear. I’m so… I’m so sorry. He just gets me so… fucking angry…”

“I know.” Finn shuddered and choked out a sob. “I know he does. He hurt you.”

“That doesn’t mean I get to hurt you,” Ellis said against Finn’s hair.

“Ever since… every time I… forget something, or get confused, or get dizzy, anything, I worry… he did lasting damage, that he… he damaged me…”

“He didn’t, babe,” Ellis soothed. “You’re the smartest person I know. You got a little concussion a few months ago and now you’re fine. Everyone gets confused sometimes.”

“But I…” Finn hiccoughed. “I understand why you hate him. He… he showed you your family… And he tortured all of us… But I swear to god, Ellis, he’s different now. He’s changed.” Finn swiped their hand at the tears running down their cheeks. “I see it more every day. He’s not who he was. He can’t be.”

“I know,” Ellis sniffled. They pressed their forehead to Finn’s temple. “I think that’s part of why I’m so… mad… He gets to do all that, be a fucking monster, and then he… he heals. He gets better. He gets us. And I…” They swallowed. “When I… um… went dark…” They pressed a kiss to Finn’s forehead. “There was no one there for me. I was alone. I had nothing. Now he gets… he gets everything.”

“It’s not everything for him,” Finn said softly. “He lost his family, in a different way, and he’s stuck with us. He probably walks around wondering when we’re going to just waste him, every fucking day.”

Ellis sat back, their eyebrows shooting up. “Why do you think that? Why would he think that of us?”

“Um…” Finn wet their lips. “We’ve nearly killed him twice?”

Ellis scoffed. “I mean, yeah, technically, but it was fucking warranted and self-defense both times.”

“And we’ve threatened to kill him more times than I can count since he came to us.”

“Only if he betrayed us!” Ellis’s mouth twisted. “I think that’s kinda obvious!”

“Ellis…” Finn sighed. “It doesn’t matter to him what we think. All that matters is he’s watched us kill the people who hurt us, and he’s on that list.”

Ellis’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. It hurt Finn’s heart to see it. “How do you know so much about what goes on in his head?”

“Because I’m constantly trying to think of how to fix him,” Finn said, exasperated.

Ellis studied Finn’s face. Their eyes moved over their features, looking for something. Maybe hoping for something. “Do you…” Ellis began tentatively. They cleared their throat and tried again. “Do you think he can really change?”

Finn looked down, at their hands twisted in their lap. Ellis reached out to lace their fingers through Finn’s. “Um…” Finn bit their lip. “I th-think… he already has. I think if we just… give him a chance…”

“I don’t trust him enough to give him a chance to hurt us,” Ellis said quietly.

Finn squeezed their hand. “Maybe we won’t have to.”

“But he’ll have to come with us south,” Ellis said, their voice shaking. “He can’t stay up here. He can’t go further north. They’ll kill him. He’s got to stay under our protection, for…” They swallowed hard. “Forever. And there’s no way Isaac would trust him enough to ever bring him on missions.”

Finn laughed, and Ellis’s shoulders relaxed an inch. “Oh, no. We’ll definitely have to take him with us, but yeah, there’s no way Gavin goes on missions. The day Isaac trusts Gavin is the day I’ll know I really have gone insane.”

Ellis smiled and held Finn tight. “I’m sorry,” Ellis said quietly.

“Me too,” Finn murmured, and pulled Ellis in for a deep kiss.

Continued here

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Honor Bound 2 - 34

This is a series. Start here, continued from here. 

This is a sequel to Honor Bound.

AO3

Cw: thoughts of death, near-panic attack, mention of torture and parental abuse

“Um. Is anyone gonna eat the last piece of bacon?” Gavin’s gaze flicked around the table, barely resting on each person before he stared back at the table and up again. Gray smiled at him. Sam shook their head. Vera crunched her own piece of bacon.

Ellis wouldn’t look at him at all.

“Um.”

Gavin flinched slightly as Finn spoke up from the other end of the table.

“I’ll um. Split it with you.” Finn looked down at the lone piece of bacon on the plate, twisted and just a little burnt. They looked up at Gavin. A tight, uncomfortable smile pulled at their mouth.

Gavin heaved a deep breath. “Yeah. Yes please.” He reached for the bacon and broke it in half with his fork. He grabbed the smaller half and pushed the plate towards Finn.

Even after everything I’ve done, they’re still trying to include me. Is there a fucking limit to how good they all are?

Finn took the piece and ate it in one bite. They crunched it happily and threw a grin at Ellis. Ellis wouldn’t look at Finn, either. Gavin stared at the table.

Gray cleared their throat and stood. “Thank you for breakfast,” they said with a smile around the table. “I’m going to go for a walk, see if I can get my heart rate up a bit. Anyone who wants to can join me.” As if dismissed by Gray’s words, everyone else stood, grabbing their plates, talking about what they were going to do for the rest of the day.

“I wanted to go into town and see if there are any new arrivals,” Tori said softly, bumping Vera’s arm. “Do you want to come with me?”

Vera wrapped her free arm around Tori’s shoulders, resting lightly to avoid the marks from the cane that Gavin had left. Gavin winced at the memory of breaking Tori’s skin open.

“Yeah babe,” Vera said, pressing a kiss into Tori’s hair. “Sounds good.”

“Can I come?” Edrissa whispered at Vera’s elbow.

Tori and Vera smiled at each other. “Yeah,” Vera said, grinning. “We can all go.”

Gavin shuffled uncomfortably as he walked to the kitchen with his plate and put it in the sink. He wouldn’t be going anywhere. Since arriving at Crayton, he’d been under house arrest on pain of torture and death if he ever left. And not even just his torture and death. The whole family would fall if he betrayed them, even just by leaving the house for a minute.

Not that house arrest was like torture; staying in this big ranch house with the others had given him a sense of security he didn’t think he’d ever felt before. But he did miss the outside. He missed the ability to go wherever he wanted, anywhere in his parents’ territory, whenever he pleased. He missed the freedom.

He hated to admit that he missed being the heir to the fucking kingdom.

He shook his head and turned the tap on hot as the rest of them piled their plates and cups by the sink. Since he hadn’t helped with breakfast, he’d be on dish duty. He didn’t mind. Even being included in the chores the family did made him feel safer. He was working with them. Even if it was doing something as mundane as washing dishes.

He had his back to the kitchen as he rinsed the first plate, trying not to listen as the others filed one by one out of the kitchen behind him. Off to their adventures. Off to their lives, where he couldn’t follow.

I don’t need to fucking follow. I came here as a hostage to give them information about the syndicates. I’m lucky not to be in fucking chains right now.

He wasn’t sure when he started referring to people like his own family as ‘the syndicates.’

He wasn’t sure when he started thinking of these people as his family.

He wasn’t sure if they would ever feel the same way about him.

His shoulders relaxed as the kitchen became quiet behind him. At least when he was alone, he didn’t have to worry about scaring anyone or making anyone feel threatened or accidentally triggering someone into hurting him. Or killing him. If he had to be completely honest with himself, that’s probably how he was going to die. Someone living in this house was going to kill him one day.

He couldn’t bring himself to feel scared of that moment. Every day he’d been here, someone had shown him in some small way that that possibility was fading. The sharp tone in Gray’s voice had dropped away. Last week Sam had brought him chocolate from a trip into town. Finn had shared that piece of bacon with him.

Isaac had stayed with him when he was scared last night.

Sure, Ellis hated him and Edrissa looked at him like she was waiting for him to launch himself against the room and start beating her at any moment. Sure, Isaac’s hands twitched to his waistband when Gavin moved too fast, even though Isaac never carried his gun on him in the house. Sure, every time he entered a room the conversation died down for a moment, and sometimes stopped altogether.

Despite all that, despite every moment of awkwardness and guilt and wondering if today was going to be the day someone’s fear or rage would overcome them and they’d kill Gavin for all the crimes he’d committed against the family… He felt safer here than he ever had before in his life. The people here cared about each other. Would die for one another.

And Gavin couldn’t quite convince himself that they could all be faking the small kindnesses they showed him.

Gavin chewed his lip, realizing that he’d been scrubbing the same plate clean for the past several minutes. He put the plate on the dry towel next to the sink and reached for another.

“So I hear you’re scared of me.”

Gavin let out a shriek and spun, pressing himself back against the sink as he realized he was now alone in the kitchen with Vera.

Welp, I guess I’m dying today.

Vera laughed at his reaction, crossing her arms in front of her chest and looking him up and down. Gavin flushed, mortified. His hands shook with the realization that Vera had cornered him in the only room in the house with a linoleum floor. Oh, shit. She’s gonna bleed me out, too.

Vera’s gaze pierced through him and his mouth went dry. He swallowed, trying frantically to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth so he could beg. For what, he didn’t know. Mercy, forgiveness, a fast fucking death, anything. His chest ached as his heart all but threw itself against his ribs. His blood pounded through his ears. His body was locked between warring compulsions: every instinct in him was screaming at him to run, to hide, to get as far as fucking possible from the predator standing between him and the door. His hands clenched into fists, even as he knew he couldn’t fight her.

His muscles locked against him and he froze.

Slowly, the smile slid from Vera’s face.

She raised her hands out to the side, empty, and took a step back. “Jesus Christ, Gavin. Breathe. You’re good.”

Gavin dragged in a ragged inhale and realized he’d been holding his breath. He slumped back against the counter, the rushing of the hot water making its way back into his ears.

“Jesus Christ,” Vera breathed. “Isaac wasn’t fucking kidding.”

“About what?” Gavin said thickly.

Vera’s gaze moved over him, uncertainty passing over her face. “About you being scared of me. Like… Jesus. You’d think I’m the one who tried to kill you or something.”

“You did try to kill me,” he mumbled through numb lips.

Vera huffed out a breath. “Fair enough. You had it coming.”

“Yeah, I fucking know.” Gavin’s jaw locked tight and he stared at the floor.

Seconds ticked by before Vera spoke again. “Do you… do you really have nightmares about me every night?” Her voice was low, gentle.

His eyes blinked shut for a moment and he blew out a slow breath. “Yeah. Yeah I fucking do. But I don’t wanna talk about it, okay? I don’t wanna talk about why. Because I know my dad was a terrible fucking person and I know he hurt you and I know I deserve every fucking nightmare because of what I did to you and Tori and what I was going to do to you…” His eyes burned with tears. “Okay? I fucking know it. So can we just—”

“Whoa whoa whoa, Gavin, stop.” He looked up at her. She had her hands up in a placating gesture. “Just… slow down. Okay?”

Gavin sniffed. “Okay.” He reached behind him to turn off the water. He wouldn’t meet Vera’s eyes.

They stood together in silence for so long Gavin’s legs began to fall asleep. Finally, he raised his gaze up to Vera. She chewed her lip, staring at the floor, her eyebrows pulled together. She opened her mouth to speak.

“I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for torturing and collaring Tori.”

Gavin wilted. “I know. I’m—”

Vera held up her hand. “Just… shut the fuck up, for a second? Please?”

Gavin flinched at the words, but relaxed a little at the gentle tone they came in. He nodded.

Vera looked down at the floor and crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for what you did to Tori. But I… I want you to stop beating yourself up for what you did as a kid. Okay? You’ve got so much other shit to atone for. At least let that thing go.”

Gavin drooped, his eyes sliding closed.

“Look…” Vera paused. Gavin looked up at her as her face twisted. “I don’t know what went fucky in your head to make you like hurting people. Okay? I don’t. I don’t really care, either. And I don’t know what made you stop. Like I said, I don’t really care. But I know you couldn’t help how you were raised. I don’t know how they were to you. I don’t really want to know. But I… I… I guess what I’m trying to say is…” She met Gavin’s gaze and held it. “I know what it’s like to turn into something twisted trying to be good for Joseph Stormbeck.”

A chill hit Gavin in the gut like a fist and he gasped. She looked at him steadily, watching as he stumbled, watching his eyes fill with tears. I just wanted to be good for him. I just wanted to be good and he used that. Like I was a fucking plaything.

“Yeah,” Vera murmured, her gaze still on Gavin’s face. “I thought that would resonate.”

Gavin shuddered and a strangled sob heaved out of his chest. The room blurred with his tears, a band constricting around his throat until he thought he would choke. Vera’s eyes went wide. He pressed a hand to his mouth and he latched onto the counter, afraid he would fall. He swallowed once, trying to relieve the pressure in his throat. Swallowed again.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, as soon as he could speak. “Have fun in town. If anyone asks I’m finishing the dishes later.” He pushed past Vera and dashed from the kitchen, barely making it to his room before he erupted in furious sobs.

Continued here

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Honor Bound 2 - 36

This is a series. Start here, continued from here.

This is a sequel to Honor Bound.

AO3

Cw: parental abuse, emotional abuse, thoughts of death, blood mention, noncon mention, mention of parental death

Gavin slammed his door shut and crumpled to the floor in front of it, heaving with sobs. He pushed himself backwards and leaned back against the door, pressing his hand to his mouth, shuddering and rocking forward as each sob broke over him. “I know what it’s like to turn into something twisted trying to be good for Joseph Stormbeck.”

He reached out in his mind, reached out for the memories of feeling good when he hurt someone. Cutting Sam. Downing Isaac. Beating Tori. He remembered how it felt, the warm, wrenching glow in his chest that shimmered and moved through him as the sound of their screams rose. He remembered what it was like, even as a creeping nausea began to clutch his stomach at the thought. He remembered how it felt to torture, to maim, to kill.

Tentatively, terrified, he reached out in his mind for a different feeling: the feeling he got when his father told him he was good. When his father pet his hair and smiled and pulled him into a hug and said “you’re my good boy, Gavin.” He reached out for the feeling of his father loving him. Approving of him. He reached out and remembered how it felt to have his father’s hands on his shoulders as he smiled at him. Hands Gavin knew now were covered in Vera’s blood.

It was the same feeling.

He lurched forward with a horrified gasp.

But he wasn’t trying to be good, was he? He wasn’t trying to be good when he hurt those people. He wanted it. He deserved the family’s ire, their judgment, their hatred, because he really did want to hurt people. No amount of justification, no amount of lies could ever take that fact away. He liked hurting people, and his father let him. That was that.

But… He cried harder as he let the thought he had quashed weeks ago grow into a fully-fledged idea. What if Gray had raised me? What if they had found out what I was, found out I was a monster, and helped me? What if they found out I liked hurting people and found a way to love me anyway, without making it worse? Without making me feel like that was the only way to be?

He slumped to his hands and knees and curled up on his side, his back pressed against the door. He pressed his hand to his mouth to muffle the sound of his sobs. I can’t fucking let anyone hear this. I can’t let anyone hear me crying and think I’m trying to gain their compassion. I don’t fucking deserve it. He curled tighter into himself and buried his head in his arms.

My parents didn’t have to let me do it. They didn’t have to fucking encourage me. It was… it was my responsibility not to, but they… He shook his head. It wasn’t their fault, was it? It wasn’t their fault he was the way he was. There was something wrong in him, deep down, deeper than anyone else could go. I can’t remember ever not being like this. I’ve always been this way. I’ve always been fucked up.

I’ve always been broken.

It had never, never been a problem before. He was a syndicate son, and syndicate sons took playthings and pets. Syndicate sons played with people in their spare time, just like their parents. It was the way it was, and as far as Gavin knew, the way it always had been. He had never known it not to be true. He had never not been the master of everything he knew. He had never once had to consider that other people didn’t deserve the torture he felt like dealing out. It was like his mother said: he was syndicate, and so everything in the world was at and for his pleasure. It was the way of things. He had never had to – or wanted to – consider anything else.

But now, surrounded by these people who had spent their lives being tortured and used and brutalized and broken by the syndicates… surrounded by them… things were different.

When had he started to care about them? He couldn’t remember a time or a moment where he had decided it. He couldn’t remember looking at any one of them and thinking, “I care about you now.” And yet, it had happened. Somehow, in the past three weeks, it had happened.

He sobbed harder. Now he was surrounded by these people, these decent, kind, good people, and he cared about them. He couldn’t help it. He hadn’t made the decision. He cared.

And they hated him. For good reason, and he certainly couldn’t blame them, not at all. He couldn’t tell them they were wrong, he was changed, they should get over it and love him now. No. He had hurt them as deeply as one person can hurt another, each and every one of them. Except for Edrissa, but she had been broken, too. Not by his family, he knew that, but by another family so much like his that it didn’t matter. She hated him for his syndicate blood and his syndicate name. And she was right to.

It was easier, before he realized how much he cared for them. It was easier, when he was their prisoner. His days had been filled with a sort of dull, buzzing terror that they could kill him at any moment, and his nights were always shot through with nightmares about Vera coming out of the shadows to slaughter him. But it was easier, knowing they meant little to him, and he meant less to them. It was simple. He was a traitor to his own family, to his own world, and he had nowhere else to go. He had information that could help them, so they were willing to keep him alive. That was it. That was all there was to it.

But now… He cared about them. And that fact changed everything.

Walking away from his mother had been hard, but it was necessary. Walk away, or die by the hands of the people he had tortured. They may have made it hurt, or they may have done it quickly. Those were the only two possibilities if he had stayed. They would not have listened to his pleas for mercy.

Once he left, more possibilities opened up. Possibilities of him staying alive, of escaping the torture that probably awaited him. He could have gone anywhere. He could have run and found some place, somewhere, where nobody knew his name. 

He hadn’t done it. He still didn’t quite understand why, but he hadn’t done it. He’d sought out the people his mother was going to sell him to. He’d submitted himself to their wills. He’d assumed his value as an informant would have been enough to keep him alive for a while. 

Thinking back, it really was a stupid decision. But he was still alive. They hadn’t tortured him for information, or even really asked. They’d used his knowledge to navigate the syndicate checkpoints, and that was it. That was all. What was he still doing here, if they weren’t going to use him in that way? Things were harder, now. Gavin understood the politics of information. He understood the tightrope he was walking between telling them all what they needed to know, and keeping enough to himself to stay alive.

And yet somehow, he doubted they would kill him once he’d stopped being useful to them. He wasn’t even useful now. They didn’t ask him anything. Didn’t want anything from him. So what was he still doing here? Why was he still alive? He knew they didn’t care about him. They couldn’t. They had no reason to. And until very recently, he didn’t care about them, either. 

And then he did.

He couldn’t explain it.

He hadn’t been lying to Isaac when he’d told him he just wanted to feel like he had a family again. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever been so honest in his life. And Isaac hadn’t killed him for saying it, although Gavin had thought he was going to. He couldn’t believe he was still alive, if he really thought about it. 

But the idea that his father had loved him when he hurt people, when he was a monster like him, and no other time? That idea threatened to destroy him. 

He could rebuild himself with this new family, he thought. Maybe they would let him live, even after he’d lived out his usefulness to them. They weren’t the kind to kill people once they’d been used up. They weren’t like him.

He wasn’t that way any longer, though.

There was no way he could ever prove that to them. He could never really prove he had changed. Vera had broken him, yes. Vera had planted a terror in him that he couldn’t push away, a terror wrapped up in torture and blood and pain that made it so he couldn’t hurt people anymore. She had taken that way.

And he had kept growing. She had ripped out of his life the one thing he was good at, but something else had come in to fill that gap. He wasn’t sure what it was. He still wasn’t sure who he was if he wasn’t a syndicate son, a sadist, the master of his world and everyone in it. He wasn’t sure who he was without torture. But he was someone. He was something else. 

He could be allowed to be someone else, here. These people would let him be something else. They would let him live, be who he was now, this person who didn’t want to hurt people. He never wanted that again. And they could accept that. He was sure of that, now. They weren’t going to kill him, not unless he gave them reason to. Isaac had put himself in the way of a bullet for him when they’d first arrived. Isaac had let the northerners cut him and bleed him just to prove Gavin was broken. Gavin had watched Isaac’s eyes fog over, had watched him leave for a moment as the knife drew his blood. Gavin had watched Isaac go back to is basement, under his knife, under his torture. He’d seen it, before the smell of blood had gripped him with panic. 

But what now? They wouldn’t kill him. But they wouldn’t care for him, either. Ellis wanted him dead, he could see it every time they looked at him, or refused to look at him. Edrissa was terrified of him. With the brand on her skin and the healing scar on her arm where her tracker had been, she was terrified of everything he represented. And Isaac…

For the thousandth time, for the millionth time, Gavin’s thoughts turned to Isaac. What the fuck am I supposed to do with him? He’d hurt Isaac worse than anybody. Isaac’s body was permanently scarred because of him. Isaac’s mind was scarred because of him. If Gavin hadn’t seen the panic attacks for himself, he wouldn’t have believed it. Over and over and over, he’d told himself he hadn’t broken Isaac. He hadn’t made him betray his family. He hadn’t shattered him. 

He couldn’t live with himself if he ever allowed himself to believe he had. 

Isaac was… pure. Isaac was everything that was good, everything that Gavin wanted. Isaac was loyal, and strong, and… he was there. After everything he’d survived, he was still alive, he was still there for his family. He hadn’t abandoned them. He hadn’t sold them out, or betrayed them. He was there. 

Gavin wanted Isaac to be there for him, too.

He didn’t know what that meant. He didn’t even know what he felt, not if he got down to it. He still felt for Isaac what he had from the start: he valued his strength, his courage, his absolute dedication to being an idiot when it came to his family. He marveled at the lengths Isaac was willing to go for people who weren’t even his own blood, people he chose. 

He wanted to see Isaac pushed to his limit. His limit of what, Gavin wasn’t sure.

There was something else there, something new. Something Gavin couldn’t place. Something about how when Isaac cried, Gavin wanted to punch a wall instead of laugh. Something about how he felt when Isaac looked at Vera and held her gaze with a soft smile. Something about how something inside him ached when he thought about Isaac coming to his room last night, drawn by the sound of him screaming. It was almost as if Isaac cared. 

His chest felt like it was being crushed. He wanted Isaac to care, more than he wanted almost anything else. 

A fresh wave of tears poured down his face. He wanted them all to care, not just Isaac. He wanted Gray to… to be proud of him. He wanted Vera to like him, as fucking idiotic as that sounded. He wanted Tori to stop being so scared of him, to understand that he would never hurt her, now. He wanted Finn and Ellis to… to just accept him. Finn had a little, this morning, when they’d shared that piece of bacon. And Ellis had looked like they wished he would choke on it. 

And Sam? Gavin whimpered as he thought about their hand in his during the caning, their hand on his shoulder while he sobbed about losing his father in front of the person his father had raped and terrorized. Sam was the one, maybe the only one, who gave Gavin grace. And Sam was the one who he would have understood the most if they chose to hate him. 

Except for Isaac. Gavin would have understood that more. And yet he didn’t want Isaac to hate him. The thought made his chest ache. He’d never wanted to be someone’s friend so badly in his goddamned life. 

Gavin whimpered miserably and pressed himself down into the carpet. Wishing the floor would open up to consume him. Wishing he could disappear. 

He’d escaped Vera’s bullet, and his mother’s revenge. He’d escaped the life that would have trapped him in an endless cycle of blood and panic and torture. He’d escaped north, where he could be safe from his own people. 

He’d escaped into the arms of a family that didn’t want him. He’d escaped one family that lusted for his death, and found another that felt nothing for him at all. He knew he was better off here. He knew he was safer. 

He felt like the loneliness would burn him alive.

Continued here

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[whump-tr0pes]

There's something I've always wanted to know...what was Joseph's and Colleen's wedding like? I'm dying to know

Cw for sex, torture, death. (the Stormbecks are so, so fucked up)

Oh, it was lovely. They had a 30 or so of their closest friends over to their house. Colleen wore a gorgeous white cocktail dress, Joseph wore his best suit. They had a friend marry them. They said their vows, and then had a wonderful cocktail hour as their friends wished them well, gave them gifts, laughed about nothing. 

Then, once the party was over. Joseph took Colleen upstairs for their wedding night, where Colleen found a man tied to their bed, gagged, with an array of torture instruments beside him. Delighted, they tortured him as they made love, and for the first time ever, they were able to time Colleen’s climax perfectly with the man’s last dying scream.

It was the best sex of their lives, at that point in time.