#fuck i'm too far gone
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#fuck i'm too far gone#the girl i like texts me and my heart just stops#same with the boy#but they're both rubbish texters#i need to put my big boy pants on and get less anxious about calling i guess#shame that i like them so much and then had to move bloody continents#fuck#at least i'll see them next week for a few days#and then fuck off for good until i can convince them to come visit me#or if they visit home and i can visit them#or just whatever#fuck i keep thinking that i'm numb and flat and not missing them#but it turns out i'm busy and actually i miss them quite a lot when i think about it#why! does! this! keep! happening!#every single time i move continents without fail#though with this one i'm in love not just like#that's 2/2 now#we'll see what's next in a few years#god i hope i'm still close to them in those years#they're the only people i would move to a place for
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when your main characters start dating after years of writing so they finally get to be like this
#rare WIP preview from me#this is in like. 10 episodes. lmfao#its been really hard working this far ahead#my editor isnt giving me any feedback and my friends are very busy so it's felt quite lonely#which is fine! for my friends I mean. but its my editors job to give me feedback...#but the webtoon editors are extremely extremely extremely overworked and my series is set to end so I understand its low priority#its not her fault its webtoons fault. however. its still demotivating...#oh well l m a o#I should be much further ahead ngl LMFAO I want like 12 done but I come back in 2 weeks.#we'll see#when I get really stressed out I go full gamer mode#and usually I'll sink like 60 hours (like 5 days) into a game and then I'm good and move on#but this recent game that grabbed me is. its too much actually#bit uncontrollable ngl I think its an ADHD thing I mostly have just quit playing videogames at all#cause its like yeah being stressed cause theres too much work to do is not going to be helped by losing a week and a half to a game...#and yet.#anyways the game is satisfactory#my friend bought it for me and we've been playing together#and our shared file has. 100 hours on it. and we still havent beaten the game#we're close to beating it and it's not like we're rushing or anything#cause its fun to fuck around and zap eachother or whatever#but it's got me doing math. the exact kind of math I love to do. optimization#and its reminding me yeah in another life id have been an engineer#I'm glad I'm an artist but its always weird like yeah this is easily a path I could have gone down#'artists hate math' speak for yourself doing math calms me down! I love math!#I love math and I love business. I'm almost the perfect artist but I hate advertising so. we can't have it all#anyways theyre so fucking cute its sickening. I love them so much. I could cry#WIP#lineart#time and time again
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I know that after Downfall the perspective of 'the gods are a FAMILY' has permeated fandom on both sides of the kill-all-gods argument, but frankly that isn't all they are and acting as if it's suddenly their only motivation flattens both them as characters and the narrative they (and bells hells) are in.
The Wildmother and The Raven Queen didn't 'let' Lolth get away with nabbing Opal and killing Cyrus because she’s their sister. Come on man, we've already seen that the primes are plenty capable of opposing and fighting their siblings on the side of mortals (is the calamity a joke to you??). I'm not saying the primes aren’t capable of picking the lives of their betrayer siblings over mortals (downfall showed as much) but that's not what the situation with Opal and Lolth was about in the slightest.
They let Lolth 'get away with it' not because she’s family, but because this is the very rare instance of them not only having the same goal, but of them actively fighting for their lives. As far as we know that has only happened once before on Exandria, and that time they also entered a truce to defend themselves. The vast majority of the time, the primes picking their siblings over mortals won’t happen because mortals can’t actually threaten the gods (normally), making the 'they're family argument' a moot point. The primes won’t necessarily agree with Lolth's methods, but they won’t go throwing away both hers and their own champions in a meaningless struggle when they need all their strength to stop the fucking apocalypse.
#critical role#cr3#cr3 spoilers#nella talks cr#there's also the point that opal willingly made a deal with lolth#is that an end all be all argument to let lolth have her? no. it was a deal made under duress and manipulation#similarly fjord made a deal with uk'otoa under duress to not drown and he got to wiggle out of it (with the support of melora i might add)#but in this one instance? not only was opal too far gone to tear back without killing her#but doing so would also deprive exandria of a divine champion fighting to stop predathos#I've been meaning to make a post talking about the merrits of the other side of this argument#(aka why i understand some characters dislike the gods and why matt noted after downfall that it partially proved Ludinus' point)#but i keep seeing such bonkers fucking takes that i haven’t gotten around to it#maybe next week after I've watched the latest episode (and the latest bells hells god discussion lol)#anyway. it's five in the morning and I'm quite sleep deprived. please forgive any odd wordings
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❤️💛
#soft poolverine my beloved#I contain multitudes as far as trope enjoying goes (Logan likes Wade's yapping AND Logan likes to shut Wade up the old fashioned way)#(aka sticking his tongue down his throat)#(among other things but we're sticking with that for this one lol)#Wade is yapping about something#anything really because he can monologue about anything under the sun#and Logan just reaches over wordlessly and grabs his face and Wade just KEEPS TALKING#and every time Logan comes up for air Wade just starts up again#and Logan just smirks and takes a deep breath and goes back in#he gets some silence for a moment AND gets to feel that endless energy fizzing on his tongue#as Wade focuses his nervous mental energy on exploring Logan's mouth for a bit#you know they are SLOPPY kissers#just drool and teeth and tongues EVERYWHERE#I bet kissing Wade is interesting too because his tongue and lips are all ridged and scarred#anyway I just think Logan would shut him up once in a while for like hours long makeout sessions#and then peacefully go back to listening to him yammer endlessly about the minutiae of the My Little Pony Extended Universe#poolverine#deadpool and wolverine#wolverine#deadpool#kinda wip?#are any of these ever really FINISHED or do I just give up on them and move on 🫠#also dont get me wrong they def fuck nasty too#but I think Logan “Touch Starved As Fuck” Howlett would really revel in just being able to touch him lazily for hours#idk man I'm too far gone I need to be anaesthetized#deadpool & wolverine#deadclaws#wade wilson#poolverine fanart#deadpool x wolverine
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Abuse, Silence, And Why Kevin Can Fuck Himself
I recently finished watching Kevin Can Fuck Himself on Netflix, and, aside from being the most brutally honest portrayal of domestic abuse I have ever seen, I discovered a beautifully written examination of narrative as power and silence as abuse and how this manifests in our larger culture.
Without going into too much detail, the show is filmed in two distinct styles that are interleaved throughout each episode to tell a cohesive story. Allison and Kevin’s relationship as seen by the rest of the world is told through a multi-cam, laugh-track sitcom that depicts a very typical “goofy husband, shrewish wife” mainstream comedy. Allison’s life through her own eyes is told through a single-cam drama/thriller about Allison planning to murder Kevin to escape his abuse.
It’s an absolute masterclass in screenwriting, but more than that, every episode explores the difference between truth, fact, and reality, and how none of these things are quite as much or as little as story. But while the process of transforming the chaotic and plotless reality of life into a story is as involuntary and essential as breathing, misogyny and the degradation of women is just as ubiquitous in our society, and a story that exists at the expense of another person’s lived reality is a refutation of their humanity.
It's also just a great show for anyone who likes to engage with history (or reality TV or true crime or “real life stories” in general), because while we have to tell ourselves stories about her own lives, we have to tell ourselves stories about other people as well. Eternal silence is narrative death, and the perpetual silence of an unspoken narrative is often the last death we can visit on someone whose story we’d rather ignore.
I also pulled up some books – Lolita and Disgrace – that dealt with similar themes, but from the perspective of the abuser. And what strikes me the most is that, across three beautifully written stories about narrative and silence within a culture that normalizes abuse, Allison, who began her story within a state of narrative death, was the only point-of-view character who had any chance of surviving.
One of the main themes of Kevin is that a compelling story is often a story that reinforces what we already believe or like to believe, and while the story may be factual and true it often also exists at the expense of someone's lived reality. The exact same series of events can be a silly joke or a harrowing tale of abuse depending on the lens through which we view it, but historically we've only been willing to see the multicam, laugh track, sitcom perspective on unbalanced relationships.
The alchemical process of turning a series of disjoint facts and experiences into a narrative creates something new and compelling, and erases much of what previously existed. In this way, it’s entirely irreversible. We spin our experiences into a very thin thread, a story we can tell ourselves that elicits something within us, something we need in order to live with the complex, uncertain, and unsatisfying reality of life. In think in many ways the thing we elicit in ourselves is truth. But truth is both more and less than fact, often more a reflection of our own beliefs and desires than the events of our lives. And in telling that truth we may never stray from the facts, but we almost by definition cannot give voice to another person’s reality.
There's a scene in season 2 of Kevin when Allison is hit by a door – a la the classic excuse – because of Kevin’s carelessness. And while he absolutely did not hit her, the way it's written is such an incredible allegory for how Kevin has curated their story and curated their friends' and family’s perceptions of their story such that even if she tells everyone the exact, unvarnished truth of what's happening to her and begs for help, they will only be capable of seeing the laugh-track, sitcom, “Kevin is a harmless goofball and his wife is a total shrew” perspective on the events of their lives.
As so often happens with abuse, their friends and family saw Allison being hurt because of Kevin. But the alchemy of creating a narrative around Kevin and Allison is irreversible, and the series of events they witness can only be spun together to a joke, an accident, a silly, childish mistake. Allison’s reality, Allison’s pain and fear, is completely elided. Like a lost sound in the middle of a sentence, her experience goes silent, and their larger understanding of her relationship never has to change. And you feel so acutely how Allison lives her entire life in that silence.
Storytelling is human, it’s essential, there’s no other way to engage with our own lives. And it’s not lying. It’s never lying to tell the truth. But it doesn’t reflect every reality, either, because another person’s reality can’t be reflected within our own narrative, because that’s what it means to be another person. To spin two different threads.
And because narrative is the essential process by which we understand our reality, denying someone their own narrative, or denying that this narrative be heard, is inherently abusive. To allow someone a voice is to give them humanity, and to suppress it is to strip that humanity away.
Disgrace, by J.M. Coetzee, follows the story of a professor, David, who rapes a student and then fails to protect his daughter, Lucy, from being raped by intruders in their home. He destroys his daughter’s life�� – not through failing to protect her, but through twisting her rape into a story about why the rape of his student wasn’t wrong. The main theme of the book is generally considered to be exploitation, but Coetzee doesn’t deal with the exploitation of the rape. That’s too direct, too immediate, too easy for the reader to understand as misogynistic and wrong. Rather, Coetzee delves into “the innocuous-seeming use of another person to fill one's gentler emotional needs” (Ruden).
The rape is how we understand David as a fundamentally exploitative person, a person who denies others their humanity by converting them into a vessel for his own desires, who erases their voice in order to speak through them and give himself the things he needs. And that’s how we recognize that the way he absorbs and claims the stories of his daughter and his student is another kind of violation of their humanity. Another way of turning women into vessels for men’s pain and fear and need.
What’s fascinating is that David's student finds her voice – files a complaint against him – and is eventually able to continue with her life. The woman he raped is less damaged by him than his own daughter, because she was the woman he couldn’t permanently silence.
In Lolita, another brilliant novel about abuse, dehumanization, and storytelling, Humbert turns to the reader at the end and says, “Imagine us, reader, for we don’t really exist if you don’t.”
It’s not that Humbert knew he was fictional, but that he knew everyone was fictional. Believed the entire world only truly existed in his own mind, because anything beyond that was irrelevant to his needs. He coped with the collapse of his ability to dehumanize Dolores (who he called Lolita) by demanding that his voice be resurrected. Demanding immortality. Demanding his narrative exist in another person’s world, and thereby be given the existence and humanity that Allison and Dolores and Lucy and David’s student were denied.
Pushing his needs, finally, onto the reader, because we are the only person he has left, and a person like him can only exist through the use of another. In that way, Humbert was powerless. In that way, Kevin and David were powerless, too.
In Disgrace, David’s dream is to write an opera, and at the end of the book he realizes he’ll never finish his magnum opus. He’ll never be able to terminate the process of converting himself, his world, into a story. But he does learn to decenter himself in that narrative. And it’s when he loses all fear of death, and any conception of the self, that he gains the ability to give dogs – who he generally equates to women – a voice within his opera, his life’s work.
It’s in death that we discover our true unimportance as human beings, that we learn to let go of vanity and our conception of the self entirely. And David had degraded women so thoroughly in order to justify how he used them to meet his own emotional needs that it was only in losing all value for his own life that he could gain the ability to see them as equal voices. To actually put those voices into his own life story. It's at the cost of himself that he allows other people to truly exist, in the death of the self that he finally allows the world to exist outside of himself. It’s almost a positive character arc. Almost.
When Kevin finally loses the ability to abuse Allison, he, like many abusers, loses all desire to live. His world was built on a structure of superiority and inferiority, on beings and vessels, on the inherent value of men and the inherent meaninglessness of women’s lives. The system on which he based his entire reality has been destroyed by Allison’s declaration of the self. And, if he was a being because she was a vessel, then in losing the ability to treat her as a vessel, to fully and completely dehumanize her, he has lost his own humanity.
It may be perfectly summed up here: “Become major. Live like a hero. That's what the classics teach us. Be a main character. Otherwise, what is life for?” (Coetzee).
If you’re not to be a main character, if there indeed is no split between major and minor characters, between people and the paper dolls that populate their story, between living beings and the vessels into which they pour their need – what is life for?
Nothing. At least, not for people whose narrative must exist at the expense of another.
And that’s why I say that only a narrator like Allison could survive this kind of story. Despite beginning her story trapped in eternal silence, her reality fully elided no matter how immediate and obvious it became, Allison was the only point-of-view character of any of these three stories who didn’t establish her power through the degradation of another. Who didn’t conceptualize the world via being and vessels. Whose narrative didn’t exist, by necessity, at the expense of another person’s humanity. Whose thread could exist in a larger tapestry without destroying her sense of self.
Don’t get me wrong, she’s not generally a likable character. She’s misogynistic, cruel, selfish, jealous, desperate, afraid, and in pain. Like anyone in an abusive relationship, she’s not at her best, and she’s often pushed to do things that are ugly and disturbing because she’s simply been pushed too far.
But, for me, the power in her character is in how her last scene never felt like a final scene. Her story didn’t have to be killed, her conception of the self didn’t have to be killed, in order to reveal the brutal reality of stories twisting and intertwining without any inherently superior truth or narrative among them. Allison’s story was one of declaring herself. And that’s why it didn’t feel like it ended at the end. Instead, this felt like a beginning.
#this is probably the most egregious 'post that no one asked for' that I've ever written#but man this show HIT me y'all#and then I went back and reread parts of disgrace and that hit me too#it also made me reconsider my online presence and how I myself engage with narrative in the very small little world I'm a part of#I caught some shit a while ago and made a conscious decision to never comment on the narrative around the beatles#and to be clear I was just talking about a general narrative in society at large I wasn't bringing up anything specific or attacking people#more how larger social narratives filter into and sometimes come to define individual stories#but it was upsetting to people and I figured instead I can just try to express a compassionate perspective on the mentally ill myself#but now I wonder if I've gone too far#idk without naming any names I'm getting unblocked by people who should definitely still find my mindset intolerable to their worldview#and I don't blame them because we all have reasons for the things we believe and we're all just doing our best#but it's a canary in the coal mine#it makes me think I've become so focused on not ruffling feathers that I'm tacitly approving some disturbing beliefs#and I think I could have happily ignored that if I hadn't just watched this show#posts that no one asked for#kevin can fuck himself#kevin can f*** himself#op#longer rambles
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hulu was doing live coverage of the election until 2:00am, at which point my power randomly went out and when I reopened the hulu app on my tv the election coverage was replaced with
#us politics#I don't care if it was intentional or a coincidence or what that shit is funny as hell#I got like 3 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours#my closest friends are sleeping and don't know yet#we're going to dc a month from now on vacation and none of us expected this#I've been on twitter and it's crushing I see my friends in fear for their lives#I see the worst people in the world cheering for their own downfall because all they care about is someone else having it worse#like they'll douse the vulnerable among us with gasoline and pray for hellfire thinking they'll be safe#but the flames don't discriminate like they do and we're all going to burn#except for the wealthy and powerful of course they'll be polluting the solar system or dead from old age#and the only hell they'll ever know is the one millions upon millions of people eagerly built in their names#in the name of 'greatness'#(man I get really melodramatic when I haven't slept)#and I'm scared too I didn't think this was going to happen and I have no idea what the future holds anymore#and I know I'm privileged to be able to say this when people's lives are about to be destroyed but I think I'm more sad than anything#so disappointed that 70 million people voted for *that*#because it's completely unconscionable to anyone with a soul but somehow he's winning the popular vote for the first time???#what do you mean more people like him now than they did in 2016 and 2020#this genuinely feels like a nightmare are we really so far gone as a country??? as a society?????#that we would not only let a convicted felon (who was served a lawsuit ON ELECTION DAY) on the ballot#but that SEVENTY. MILLION. PEOPLE. would vote for him? to run the country??? to represent us on a global stage?????#*THAT'S* what we as a nation have chosen??? what the fuck is wrong with this country?????#why him indeed#and yet I still have hope#inexplicably
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jason thinks he should be dead (sometimes he thinks he IS dead), he's just what crawled out of jason todd's grave but he IS jason todd why cant you see that im still the same person. but im not who i used to be and you have to accept i'm different now but i'm still the same bc i'm still your son and your brother and your friend but i'm not 15 anymore (but i am i never grew up i'm still stuck in that warehouse watching the seconds count down the joker is still laughing and i'm still in pain and broken and bloody and beaten and the warehouse is everything and i'm 15 i'm 15 i'm 15) i'm an adult now i'm not a sweet lil daddy's kid anymore i've grown up (i haven't. do you remember when i played with legoes? when we went to football matches togetehr? when you drove me to school and called me chum and smiled at me gently and put your hand around my shoulder and squeezed? i loved you.) when you look at me all you see is who i used to be, you don't see ME, you just see who i used to be and i can never measure up to that, i can never be as good or kind or gentle or loving as the ghost of me that lives in your brain, but when i look in the mirror my eyes are dead like a fish's and my corpse is still in the ground and i'm not breathing because my insides are decayed and gone but i'm still standing here like a zombie, like a bad dream, like a fraction of who i used to be because i'm dead and i'm 15 and i never grew up but i'm somehow still an adult and how dare you not see me for who i am because i'm still the same but i'm still different but aren't i your son? am i at least still your son? you took me in and you loved me and you cared for me and you were my father my god my everything? i'm still your son. i'm still your son. i'm still your son.
Do you love me? Can you prove you love me? Can you prove i meant anything and can you prove my death was real?
(I love you. Please say it back.)
#my dc posting#jason todd#dc#red hood#...so how's everybody else doing!#i'm doing fine thanks for asking#sorry i was having thoughts abt jason and i feel like this is the only way i can showcase his mental state#cus like. theres contradictions and hypocrisies and everything stacked up on top of each other#all of it is him and all of it is false and he doesnt know who he is.#he's whatever's opposite of what you think of him#if bruce says he should never have been robin then fuck him. jason was a great robin and it was everything to him and he is not just a mist#ke.#but if someone else then says being robin was perfectly fine for jason and he chose it and it's his own fault he died#then no fuck that guy what the fuck is wrong with bruce to throw children out there in colourful undies and a cape?#etc etc like. DO YOU GET ME RN#ueghhj#this is only like 1% of what i'm rotating in my mind about him rn#jason loves bruce and that's the issue!!! that's the problem guys!!!! because he loves his dad too much to ever let go!!!!!!!#and he just wants his dad to say it back (to prove he means it to prove it's not too late to prove that theyre not too far gone yet)#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i have jason todd disease. when instead ofbrain there is. jhason
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That moment when you made the mistake of Googling "blonde Will Wood" out of mild curiosity to see more photos with his hair dyed that way, only to find the most insane bottom of the barrel iceberg type shit.
Bisexual goth what?
#i feel like i've gone too far in the span of a week#a single fucking week and now i'm here#what the hell is happening anymore#i feel like i've lost the damn plot#will wood#vibe#don't watch the movie i'm referencing though#like i'm into horror shit but it genuinely just sounds gross af
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The far right scored 40% in France for the European elections. We're the second country with the most seats. And many other countries have the far right leading too. This is a catastrophe.
Because of tonight's results, President Macron decided to dissolve French Parliament. We're called to vote again in 21 days. The left is scattered and all parties have suffered an incredible defeat today. The only result of these new elections will be to give majority to the far right in the French Parliament too. We'll have a neo-capitalist president governing with a far right prime minister.
I don't know why he chose to dissolve. Like the entirety of the left, I hate Macron. He's been conducting the cruelest class warfare and the bourgeoisie received several victories thanks to him. But I still prefer his majority to a far right majority. He called himself the shield against the far right. It was already hypocrisy and I've been saying for a long time his policies were just giving power to the fascists. Now he's literally doing it.
#i'm still shocked i think#the far right was predicted at 30% which was already atrocious#and now they got 40#the only time I was counting on this damn president's ego#to keep parliament as it is#and not make things worse#he concedes defeat#i just feel so powerless#the only thing that was keeping a horrible transphobic law to be voted#was the huge leftist block in Parliament#now it'll be gone#they're going to be even worse about immigration#climate change#every minorities' rights#yesterday was pride in my city#for fuck's sake#i was still on the pride hype#and now we're just going to have fascist government#here too#upthebaguette#i guess#nothing to be up about#french side of tumblr
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it's 3 am and i'm over here going absolutely insane over assad getting nervous while answering questions about the looks™ between armand and daniel in dubai
and some of those looks are actually love and some of them are "what's for lunch?" - assad about the looks™ <3
#no u don't understand i'm so obsessed with this man he's so sweet humble funny and a lil freak like how could i not??#the way he expresses himself?? i am so far gone bitch he's too fucking cute!! he consumes my every thought#how am i expected to continue on with my life!!!#should've watched this entire interview a long time ago i'm having the best time <3#interview with the vampire#assad zaman
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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some fucking idiot: when we say "magneto was right" we're saying he's right about society and shit not supporting his terrorist actions
me: don't lump in with your cowardly ass i'm in full throated support of his terrorism. sentinels, purifiers, the mardies etc are all real and exist and want mutants dead and literally no one gives a single shit. they'd rather pass the mutant registration act and make "scaly lives matter" jokes on twitter then help stop the genocide of mutants. it's a good thing actually he's blowing shit up and he should do more of it actually.
#xmen 97#'his politics are good but i don't condone his plan to kill everyone on earth' my brother in dormammu--#the earth is FULL OF UNKILLABLE SUPER ROBOTS WHO WANT TO ERADICATE HIS ENTIRE SPECIES AND ENSLAVE A FEW FOR A WORK FORCE FOR HUMANS#THEY JUST SENT AN ELDRITCH ROBOT SHAPED NUKE TO DESTROY THE BIGGEST MUTANT POPULATION AND ONLY SAFE HAVEN !!!!!!#WHAT PLAN DO YOU HAVE FOR THE BASTION ISSUE???? OR DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT WHOLE 'VIOLENCE ISN'T THE ANSWER' SHIT APPLIES#WHEN THE OTHER GUY IS SO TICKLED WITH HIS WORK COMMITTING A GENOCIDE HE'S PLAYING FUCKING PURPLE PEOPLE EATER ON AND TALKING ABOUT MEMOS#LOOK FOR THE DIPSHITS IN THE BACK-- DOCTOR FUCKING DOOM EVEN CALLED IT A WAR CRIME AND TOLD BASTION TO WATCH HIS BACK#WHEN DOCTOR DOOM THINKS YOU SUCK SHIT YOU'RE PRETTY VILE#BUT NO LET'S FUCKING TALK IT OUT#LET'S JUST ASK REAL NICE FOR THE UN TO GIVE MORE AID EVEN THO THEY'RE ACTIVELY PULLING OUT AND CLEARLY NOT INTERESTED IN GETTING INVOLVED!!#OR HOW ABOUT THE AVENGERS!!!!! OH WAIT!!! CAP WOULD ONLY WORK WITHIN THE BOUNDS OF US LAW AND INTEREST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#SENTINELS ARE REAL AND IN THE FUTURES OF RACHEL AND BISHOP MUTANTS ARE IN FUCKING CONCENTRATION CAMPS#BUT NO OKAY MAGNETO'S GONE TOO FAR OKAY I GET IT#i feel like i'm on crazy pills are before FOR REAL RIGHT NOW?!??!!!
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Matthew could totally make it as a motherfucker who just reads books on streams
#dumb fuck ted talk#please i love him so much#it's pathetic at this point#i'm too far gone. therapy can't fix me
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guys........ between what's happening in the chainsaw man manga and the leaked info for arcane s2 I just saw.... my blorbos are in fucking peril... my mind is an absolute mess and I have the overwhelming urge to sit on the ground and rock back and forth
#HELP ME I'M OVERWHELMED#THERE'S TOO MANY THOUGHTS IN MY BRAIN THEY'RE SO LOUDDDD#accidentally scrolled too far and saw a blatant spoiler for s2 oops#but it was def my fault I could have clicked away instead of reading everything lmao#but the fact that#the character I am attached to. will probably be completely changed#and the old character will just be gone#don't even get my ass started on aki#guyssdfffffs I'm hiding in the bathroom at work because I'm so overwhelmed right now#I want to go home and cry and then pace around like I've gone fucking mad#DON'T SHIP YOURSELF WITH CHARACTERS THAT SHIT WILL KILL YOU
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i was thinking about how teenagers often look like grown-ass adults in fiction (and are often played by adults in live-action work) and i realised ithaqua kinda has the opposite issue. at least imo.
look at this baby-faced motherfucker. look at him. i don't know how much time passes between this and his whole going insane thing but i know it's not much considering the fact that he's seen later looking pretty much exactly the same shortly before becoming a hunter.
he looks slightly older but still very young in this shot. it may be just the angle or his expression but he still does look like a teenager.
and he looks slightly older here too, which again i believe is the expression because again—
HE LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING BABY IN THE NEXT SHOT
like. a deeply haunted and traumatised baby but a baby nonetheless. by "baby" i mean "mid to late teens" because that's very much a baby when compared to the rest of the cast (plus i'm just calling him a baby bc it's funny). the point of this is that he looks very young when seen without his mask.
even in his concept art, he looks young. he's tall and lanky as hell, sure, but he still has a serious case of babyface.
LOOK AT HIM!!! when he's not doing that face on the far left of the close-up, he looks like a teenager. he looks Baby. and you're telling me he's a grown adult?? i think it's the size of his eyes plus the small smile and the wavy hair, but just in general he looks very young imo.
this isn't a dig at people who headcanon / portray him as older!! i know canonically he's a young adult (i'd imagine early to mid twenties?? that's where i always imagine "young adult" falling) and i'm very much in the minority here lmao. but i will always see this fucked up lil mama's boy as no older than nineteen tbh
sorry i love talking about him so much i've been writing him lately and he's so much fun once you get into his troubled little head
#him being nineteen also gives him a connection with grace who is also nineteen!!#and if you know me you know i love platonic ithagrace with my whole heart#sorry i can't shut up about this i will forever consider him as a fucked up little teenager#this little gremlin wants to be feared so bad i love him#anyway ask me about my ithaqua fic i'm working on please#rambling#idv#identity v#idv ithaqua#idv night watch#also NONE of this is meant to come off as infantilising or “aww look at the widdol baby” or anything like that#i'm well aware he has killed not only his brother but also just random “trespassers” in the forest#i'm well aware he's lost his humanity and is way too far gone at this point#but fuck man. i can't see him as older. not with his baby face and silly little giggles and clicky stilts and idle animations#he gives me cuteness aggression
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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