#fuck coloring all my homies hate coloring (/s)

[skelesno]

i’m not very good with copics or coloring but i tried anyways 💔

[his-tamine]

SPIDER'S ATTEMPTING HIS VERY FIRST COMMS!!!! RAAAA!!!!! (I’m legit sooo fucking nervous - everyone point & laugh /lh)

Info below ↓ (looks like way more than it is)

- As I said, this is my first time doing commissions, so thank you in advance for your patience with me. Contact me via email (coyotespicer@gmail.com), Tumblr DMs, or Discord (eldritchwhore_) - whichever you’re most comfy with - if you’re interested! I'm also open to using other social media(s) you prefer, just let me know what. :]

I WILL draw:

NSFW (only of 18+ characters)

SFW (characters of all ages)

Fan art

Gore/Injury

Ship Art

etc. (just lmk)

I WON'T draw:

The obvious (anything hateful or illegal)

Furry (genuine skill issue on my part)

Mecha (again: skill issue)

Realism

ETC.

you can always request to see my progress, but I will show you when I am halfway finished, either way, incase you want to make any changes.

$ up front - it won't be spent until after completion.

Payments via Paypal, Cash App, or Venmo.

-

MORE INFORMATION:

If you do decide to commission me, first of all, thank you sooo much in advance! And Please keep in mind, that there is a vanilla family member currently holding and running all of the financial service apps (Paypal, Venmo, Cash App.) They do know that I draw adult content, but they do not know the specifics of what kinds of adult content (& I'd love to keep it that way lol.) So if you do decide to leave a note with your payment, please, please, PLEASE, make sure that the note is appropriate, otherwise blank is also completely fine. Have mercy on my soul, basically. If you are getting some NSFW artwork and wanna talk specifics, please do so with the email provided above (& again right here: coyotespicer@gmail.com), Tumblr DMs, Discord, etc. so that you know you are talking to me.

Also, if you contact me & don't get a response right away, my timezone is EST (I could be asleep,) and my life's been a little stressful lately to say the least. But I promise that I will get back to you ASAP. Furthermore, if there are any delays during the process of actually making your commission, I will immediately reach out to you and keep you in the loop. - major shoutouts to my homies, @indulgnc - for helping me figure everything out. He helped me with the base sheet, some common art terms that I somehow didn't know the meanings of, coming up with good prices, & basically walked me through the entire process. I would’ve been way too clueless and way too chicken shit to even attempt this without him.

and @dsnzfb - for allowing me to use a drawing I made of her ocs Cactus & Rose, as one of the examples above. I needed a good example of a colored bust-up, & dye’s color palette for her characters is so gorgeous. thank you guys for always being so supportive - y'all rock. I don't know if I can actually do anything to help dig myself & my family out of the hole we’re in with ocs, & kink art, but goddamn it, I will certainly try. -

[ramu-ego]

Helloo it's Ness anon💜 seeeing Ness in the new chapter leaks made me sad (fuck Kaiser, all my homies hate kaiser 🤬) so can you do Ness with feminization and hand kink?

chapter 202?? (or something dropped about 203??) god I skimmed it but I haven't like looked at it in depth except Kenyu my baby you best boy (it's true all the homies do hate Kaiser)

event ~ ♡ (closed) cw: fem!Reader, dom!Reader, crossdressing, m!masturbation, guided masturbation, degradation, feminization, referring to Ness's dick as a clit, unedited word count: drabble character(s): Alexis Ness

DNI :: minors, blank blogs + m!Reader blogs

"You love rubbing your clit for me don't you baby girl?"

Chewing the inside of his cheek there was nothing Ness could do but nod slowly as his hand worked up the length of his shaft to his swollen gland. One hand squelching the jelly like lube around his throbbing cock as he did so. While the other held up his beautifully pleated skirt so you could see it all out on display. Of course looking down at himself, with his mop of thick hair crowding his face to hide his desperate fucked out looked as he continued to stroke himself in front of you on his knees.

"Excuse me?" You reached out and grabbed the wrist connected to the hand squeezing up his own cock, "Does baby girl not know how to answer anymore? Should I show you how to rub your own little clit huh?"

"S-Sorry-" Ness managed when you stopped him from edging himself further, "Sorry- Yes- Yes I-"

"Yes you...?"

"Yes I love rubbing my clit for you ma'am." Ness babbled with his head following suit. Nodding like a cute little bobble head was all he could do as a grin spread on your face at his obedience, "Please. Please show me how to rub my clit ma'am. It hurts when it throbs...."

Loosening the grip on his wrist to a kinder one. Didn't alleviate the control you held over his body. Without concern for how he'd been stroking himself before hand. You took it at a speed you found more fitting for someone as desperate. Guiding his own closed hand up and down his shaft with the squelch of lube filling the room. Ness flush with color in his pretty little features as you did so. Vividly feeling the throb of his own cock when you moved his slimy hand to the tip of his cock and demanded he squeeze it a bit. Past his lips fell a pitiful moan that only confirmed your suspicions when a foggy bead of precum began to ooze out of his puffy slit.

"You know..." Mumbling as you ushered his closed fist up and down his length as more and more cloudy precum leaked from his slit. Each time his own hand swiped over his sensitive gland his balls would tighten up and his breathing would hitch in his chest. Only for you to draw his touch back down by your own guidance and restart the process all over again, "Some girls squirt...you gonna squirt your juices all over your pretty pretty skirt for me?" Your touch ushered his hand back up to his tip. When Ness held his breath waiting for you to guide him back down, his eyes grew wide realizing you weren't moving his hand away from his tip. A ticking time bomb as you encouraged him to keep squeezing his cock head while you stared at him with a grin, "Squirt all your pretty girl juices for me. I know you can do it. Make a mess like a naughty girl and- Oh! Oh there we are!"

There was no stopping it. Ness's legs trembling and the breath he'd been stealing away choked him as he gasped. Body trembling while you forced him to hold his own cock. The first thick rope of cum landing on your thighs. Follow by a dribble of a pathetic load while beads of thick gooey cum ran down his lube covered cock. Not mixing as you refused to let him stroke himself. Ness had to give into the mercy of his tightening body to let his orgasm finally play out to it's last little bit of drooling cum to roll down his shaft. Utterly exhausting him as he sat back on his knees limply with a sigh. Head hung low. He didn't even have it in him to look up and see what you were doing. All he knew was after all that his poor cock was still throbbing for more.

[piltover-sharpshooter]

𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍.

Tagged By: @witchcraftandburialdirt (Thank you dear!)

what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have? ━━ This is going to sound incredibly basic, but it was Caitlyn's depiction in the Warriors cinematic. Before that Cait was always shown in her awful stripper parody of herself costume, so seeing her be so cool while at the same time getting the itch to get back into RP was a perfect combination. And I'm glad too, cause I started writing a few moments before she became extremely popular cause of her ASU and Arcane, so I always have some food and inspiration!

is there anything you don’t like to write? ━━ Not per se? I tend to be open to a lot of stuff depending on the partner I am writing with. If it counts, I guess I don't like being thrusted into a position where I HAVE to write something I'm not comfortable with without my partner having double checked.

is there anything you really enjoy writing? ━━ I'm going to be real with you chief, I like writing dumb shit. It's just fun, I try to both have fun with my writing and make others have fun as well. I love angst, I love smut, I love fluff, I adore all of it, but funny stuff? Comedy? Oh that's my jam, I am here for the memes.

how do you come up with headcanons? ━━70% of the time it's usually me talking to other people and a subject with be brought up, like amount of languages learnt, or instruments, and such and I end up thinking how does Cait relate. The other 30% it's actually something I have completly stolen from other media lol. I will just see something that jumps at me and think 'Oh Cait can do that too'

do you write in silence or do you play music?  ━━ I tend to write in silence, if nothing else because listening to music while writing makes my brain's wires get mixed. There are times when I listen to music, but it's more for ideation and inspiration.

do you plan your replies or wing them? ━━I tend to wing it! I ask beforehand if we have a plan for the specific thread, and if so I try to steer it in that direction, but for the most part I don't know what I will do until I get behind the keyboard.

do you enjoy shipping?  ━━ Absolutely, I am a ship whore. Clarification, I don't ship with anyone ever, and I do enjoy just a biiiit of preamble, characters meeting and interacting

what’s your alias/name?  ━━ Monkey or Choncc preferably

age? ━━ 27

birthday? ━━ The 25th of October

favorite color? ━━ It changes depending on my mood, but purple

favorite song? ━━ Don't have one! I tend to listen to a lot of stuff until I get bored of it and move on until I decide I can come back to it kek. At the moment my favorite song to listen to is Industry Baby .

last movie you watched? ━━ Madame Web, it was trash, I loved it.

last show you watched? ━━ Dungeon Meshi! Sidenote, WATCH DUNGEON MESHI.

last song you listened to? ━━Molgera's Theme Remix. (Blame @songofsilentechoes I've been listening to it religiously)

favorite food? ━━ Oh fuck, I'm a fat bastard how can I pick ONE?! You have milanesas, pasta carbonara, pizza, and so much more....shit I'll have to go with a classic and say double cheese burger, but that's a tough one and very interchangable.

favorite season? ━━ Winter. FUCK THE HEAT, ALL MY HOMIES HATE THE HEAT. COLD SQUAD FOR LIFE. Unless I'm at the beach

do you have a Tumblr best friend? ━━ Shoutout to my VAMPIRE SQUAD. @thegoldentigress/@nova--spark , @angelicxlly , @heredis-sanguinis and @weapon-turned-jack

Tagging: @songofsilentechoes @risingshine @undercity-merc @ferinehuntress @shimmerbeasts @playgroundmonsters @blackrosesmatron @darkin-of-shurima @heredis-sanguinis @weapon-turned-jack @nova--spark And whoever else wants to!

[foxingpeculiar]

Elden Ring/SotE:

Okay, so when I left off, I was crossing the Consecrated Snowfield.

Went and checked out the ruins on the west side, and the tunnel over there. Killed Astel 2.0 in one. Made my way up to the Walking Mausoleum and brought that down, then went in the church and finished Latenna's quest. Then went over to the Minor Erdtree and dealt with the Putrid Tree Spirit there. Nothing to write home about.

Then it was time for Ordina. Went in and got assassinated pretty quickly. Then had a "nuh uh, Homie don't play that*" moment about it, got the special torch from the merchant in Altus, two-handed my katana and hunted those bitches down. They don't respawn, so then I could look for the candles in peace. Still had to deal with the archers on that one roof and the only way I could manage it was to use a shield for cover while I got over there. The only time in the entire game I've used a shield. But we got the candles lit and I got into the Haligtree.

(*that's an In Living Color reference, in case y'all are too young.)

I probably missed some stuff on the upper branches, but I was very "I hate fighting gravity in these games and these are some narrow-ass spaces to be fighting bubble dudes with AOEs and ants ten times my size," so made it down to the actual structure pretty quickly. From there, the second of the big Misbegotten Warriors got me a couple times before I managed him, but nothing else felt too difficult. Got Loretta in one and eventually made my way down to Elpahel.

I remember having to do this section A LOT the last time I was here--to the point that I remembered enemy placement for a lot of it pretty specifically, but nothing was too bad this time. I did NOT, however, deal with either the Revenant or the Putrid Avatar(s). Sort of accidentally stumbled on a path that just straight up circumvented all of that, and was like "well, alright. I can always come back if I really feel the need." (I won't.)

Killed the three Crystarians to get their treasure and then made it down to that bit where you have to cross the swamp that slows your movement and basically guarantees you’re gonna get Rotted. At which point, I was like... "WTF, why don't I know how to craft Boluses to deal with this?" Because I missed a cookbook in Siofra River, apparently, so went and got that and that made the whole experience much better.

Cheesed the Ulcerated Tree Spirit by waking it up, then quickly jumping back onto the branch and running up to the top of the arc. He was BIG MAD about it, but couldn't hit me, and I unloaded three flasks of Loretta's Greatbow on him from a safe distance before he went down.

Then chose to help Millicent, cos I like Millicent, and finished her questline and got the needle. And then, after a quick trip through a very heavily armored garden, it was Malenia time.

I was a little nervous going in, cos last time she basically felt impossible and I couldn't really do it myself--I had to summon in a co-op player to help. This time, my first time in there with her, I got her halfway through her Goddess of Rot phase. The whole time I was thinking "holy fuck, this would be legendary if I did this in one shot," but no--it's not quite that easy.

Eventually I landed on a strategy of cautious but unrelenting aggression. Summon Mimic Tear, then just start Night Cometing the fuck out of her until she gets close enough to do Transient Moonlight and start wailing on her. If she starts paying too much attention to me, run away, let the Mimic Tear divert attention, then get back in there. Build up bleed damage as quickly as possible, stagger her as much as possible and pray she doesn't decide to do Waterfowl Dance at you.

The problem would come in the second phase, when she'd open with the Scarlet Aeonia. I could get out of the way of it just fine and be blasting her with spells from a safe distance, but the Mimic would run in and basically roast itself on the rot-radiation after she landed. And then I'd have to deal with her without a split in aggro and I could last a while, but not usually long enough to finish her off.

But then, one time, the Mimic still had a little health and the spells I was blasting her with were just connecting and... the whole second phase lasted, I think, less than a minute. And I beat the shit out of her. It took maybe 15 tries and a little over an hour, but considering she's considered the hardest Fromsoft Boss, as of the base game of Elden Ring, that's not too shabby, really.

So, I'm of two minds now. Do I go fight Gideon and Godfrey and finish off Goldmask and Dung Eater and save the DLC for last? Or am I ready to head down and fuck up Mohg now?

I'll decide tomorrow... or whenever I play next.

[peculiarpatches]

           ❤  𝐿𝑂𝑉𝐸𝐷 𝑌𝑂𝑈 𝑇𝐻𝐸𝑁, 𝐿𝑂𝑉𝐸 𝑌𝑂𝑈 𝐴𝐿𝑊𝐴𝑌𝑆 ❤  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

bella swan x fem! reader. 

lowercase intended because i’m too lazy to go back and uppercase everything, lol.

this story takes place during new moon. also, i love edward cullen as much as i love bella swan but in this story, edward cullen has no rights. 

me and my homies all fucking HATE new moon edward cullen. 

anyways, if you like this, please give it a 'like' and tell me if you like it because it'll mean the world to me :( 

thank you and enjoy!! WARNINGS:  smut. there's not a lot of it, it's mainly just oral and somewhat dirty talk. again, not a whole lot of anything, really. it's mainly fluff with somewhat smut. idk??? either way. i hope yall like it.

(y/n) stirred in her sleep, the floor  below her squeaking loudly due to her  continuous movements. she couldn't stop squirming around, couldn't get comfortable in the slightest, no matter how much she tried to do so.  (y/n) tried her best but didn't - couldn't - succeed. she was constantly stirring as she tried to rest.. no matter what position she tried, no matter how many melatonin gummies she had previously taken before as well, nothing seemed to work. both her thoughts and heart were racing, she knew they wouldn't stop or slow down any time soon, either.    they kept going, running and running, it was as if her thoughts were a horse, racing to the finishing line but the finishing line was so far away, so out of reach, she couldn't seem to catch up to it. as for her heart, it was hammering away against her chest, rapidly.    though, she knew it was physically impossible, (y/n) swore her best friend - bella swan - could hear (y/n)'s heartbeat drumming and jack hammering against her chest. but all was silent in the room, other than the faint snores drifting away from bella's lips and (y/n)'s heavy breathing. the thoughts that clouded her mind were nothing but pure filth, such sinful things that'd make even the devil red in the face and cause him to go speechless.   all these thoughts were about bella, too. (y/n) knew it was wrong to think such thoughts about your best friend, especially one who just went through a break up not too long ago but she couldn't help herself.   truth be told, she always did have an attraction to her best friend, ever since the two were children, actually, (y/n) always had a crush on bella.   

of course, she didn't know what those feelings were as a kid, she just thought bella was pretty the way flowers were and the way the sky was when it'd drastically change colors, have it be a sunset or a sunrise, it didn't matter because they were a beautiful sight to her, as was bella.   The marriage of warm honey hues and deep caramels spun  in bella's eyes,  her brown hair was long and wavy,  it   flowed  so smoothly down over her shoulders and across her back.  

as of the moment, however, her hair was a bird's nest and in every other angle, strands of hair poked out from her sleeping, restless face. it actually made (y/n) giggle faintly as she bent forward, sneaking a peek at her best friend. 

she had done this every other time within the night, sneaking a glance, here and there, just to watch how beautiful she slept - how peaceful she looked.  but  (y/n) also was quick to lay back down against the sleeping bag she was  oh so, uncomfortably sleeping in. the moment bella rolled over and shifted in her sleep, she'd be quick to shut her eyes and play pretend, afraid of bella waking up and seeing her, gawking at her, googly eyes and a lovestruck expression across her face.  she didn't want bella to think she was a total creep, for gazing  at her like that, especially as the girl was elsewhere within her own state of mind, more than likely, dreaming of her ex boyfriend, edward, too.  the reason they were having this sleepover, anyways, was because charlie - bella's dad - suggested it. said that bella could use a friend, especially with edward getting up and walking out on her for whatever, given reason that may be, nobody expect bella knew. and even then, bella didn't say anything about it. she kept quiet. but even then, no words needed to be spoken, bella's expressions and body language were more than enough of a dead giveaway; she was still so hung up about the cullen boy. 

at least, this is what (y/n) thought. everyone in forks thought that. expect, as she's thinking about bella, lost in her own thoughts, she hears a faint whimper, coming above her. eyebrows furrowed and bottom lip tugged between her teeth, (y/n) sits up and at first, she hesitates, wondering if she should wake bella up herself or go and get charlie. charlie warned her that bella was having nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night, she'd yell on the top of her lungs and cry until there were no tears left.  expect, before she could make that decision, she hears the whimpers growing louder, thus giving her the explanation and the answer to the question she had yet asked. bella wasn't having a night terror, no, instead she was touching herself. and she was touching herself to (y/n).  "a-ah.... oh... (y/n)..." bella's voice is hoarse, groggy, it's as if she had just woken up.   (y/n) felt foolish  for not having picked up on the sudden noises before but there they were - the faint buzzing and the soft, slick sound of bella pleasuring herself with said toy.  once she recognized the sound, she couldn't unhear it. (y/n)  now, having known what it exactly was that she was doing, she could hear it a little too well.  it sent her own core throbbing, begging to be touched.  the thin layer of cloth she wore around her thighs, a poor excuse of a pair of panties if you ask her, began to leak with (y/n)'s arousal.  but there, she lay, as stiff as a board, unable to move.  until she heard bella's voice. then and only then, did she feel her heart begin to pick back up with speed  and the butterflies that she desperately tried to hide began to flutter and fly deep within her stomach, sending an endless amount of feelings to flood her.  "(y/n)? i know you're awake... i know you can hear me. i can practically read your thoughts, too. read you like a book. i've known you since, well... forever." bella giggled but her voice cracked, giving away at the last sentence she spoke, it was as if she was on the verge - the edge  - of coming undone. and completely oblivious to the fact, bella was, indeed, on the edge of an orgasm. and she needed  (y/n). now, more than ever, she needed her best friend.  "i know you want me, (y/n). i won't lie, either, i want you too... and i also know you want my pretty pussy as much as i want yours."   (y/n)'s breath hitches in her throat and she solemnly  swears her heart stops beating.  fully sitting up, her (e/c)  eyes meet with bella's hazel ones. "are you sure? you aren't just saying this because-" bella shook her head, quick to reply before (y/n) could even mention her ex boyfriend's name. bella didn't want to hear about him. not now, not ever again. he broke her heart but here (y/n) was, always there to pick bella up when she fell. bella, herself, felt like an idiot for not realizing her feelings sooner.  yes, she loved edward, and a little piece of her always probably would love him.  and yes, she'll also think about the endless possibilities  that could have happened in the future with edward but.... 

as she looked at her best friend, bella realizes that she'd rather remain as a mortal and die, loving this girl than love an immortal who left, even after claiming he loved her and wanted to spend forever with her.  

she'd rather be with (y/n) the girl who never gave up on her, even in the most difficult times.   this was her forever. and as dull and depressing as a human may be, especially one so scared of dying, bella wasn't afraid anymore. being with (y/n) made her feel alive. 

and again, she'd die, happily, as long as it meant (y/n) was by her side throughout it all.  

both bella and (y/n) knew, too, nothing would ever tear them apart. no matter what, they'd always be together.

 friendship or relationship, at the end of the day, it'll always be them.  "yes. i'm sure. i'm positive. i want you now more than ever. i.... well, i've been thinking about it for awhile. often, i should say.... you're the only friend  - only person - who has remained by my side, not just with this breakup but even when i lived thousands and thousands of miles away. you sent me letters and packages.... hell,  when i told you i finally got a laptop. you were the first person in my inbox.  you sent me multiple emails, all of which mainly contained of nothing expect, 'i miss you's.' 

you were always there for me. and even now, even when i had pushed you away for a boy who could care less about me, you were there. i love you, (y/n). and i am so sorry it took me so long before to realize."  by the time, bella was done talking, (y/n) scrambled up on her feet (she nearly fell in the progress, too) and pushed bella down against the bed, instantly crashing her lips on the other girl's. smiling in the kiss, bella happily kisses back, murmuring a soft, "i love you," against (y/n)'s lips. "and i love you." (y/n) replied. the kiss was short, simple and sweet. it would have lasted longer and  bella was upset when (y/n) had pulled away  but (y/n) giggles softly and explains why she ended the kiss so soon, so quickly.  "what did you say earlier, by the way? you know.... about me, wanting that pretty pussy of yours? is that offer still on the table, bell?" (y/n) whispered, seduction easing its way into the words she spoke. bella shuddered, feeling her nipples harden and her cunt throb as (y/n) talked.    "y-yes." bella stammered, blushing deeply as she chewed on her bottom lip. "will you? please? 'm still so wet." bella continued, the blush on her cheeks only growing a deeper and darker red as she confessed this.  

 in one swift movement, bella holds the toy up, proving her statement. the toy was small, no bigger than her and (y/n)'s fingers combined.  the only light in the room, other than the faint glimmer and glow of the lights hung up above bella's bed was the pale light of the moon, peaking out from the curtains. even with little to no light, (y/n) could tell the toy was soaked with bella's wetness.  "lay on your back. spread your legs for me, want to see your full pussy on display for me. won't you do that for me, bells? be my good girl and show me your cute cunt?" 

 like earlier, bella shuddered at (y/n)'s words and throwing the comforter off of her, she gets cozy and lays on the mattress, her breathing heavy as she watched (y/n) spread her legs apart and before she can even register what's happening, she feels the soft but wet tip of (y/n)'s tongue in between her folds.  "oh." bella mewled, throwing her head back against the pillows behind her head.  edward never touched her, other than a few awkward kisses, here and there. he  always said he was too scared he'd hurt her. how ironic, being the fact he still managed to hurt her by leaving her. not so much in the bedroom because they never got around to it. but he was gone now and (y/n) was here,  showing and proving that she was better than that heartless, and undead son of a bitch.  "(y/n) please..." bella whimpered, tugging on her lower lip harder as she felt (y/n)'s tongue go deeper inside. a moan leaves her lips before she could say anything else.     (y/n), taking her clit  in her mouth, bella squeals with delight and surprise at the sudden action.  "oh, fuck, yes~!"  bella moans, throwing her head back, her hand finds its way into (y/n)'s hair, curling her fingers around the stray few pieces that slip between her fingertips.  "eat me out, baby, just like that.  you like that, hm? like the taste of your best friend's cunt on your tongue?  fucking devour it, baby, eat me out as if i'm your last meal. oh, (y/n)!!" bella's voice grew louder, more needy, by the second. (y/n) as quick as ever, flicks her tongue again and again, over and over,  against bella's clit, her lips hollow over her womanhood and she licks all around, taking in bella's juice like a cum slut she was.  

bella seemed to enjoy it, with the way she was withering and shaking above her. there's that, of course,  and her, growing wetter the more (y/n)'s tongue and lips hover over her cunt. so,  there was the answer to the question she had yet asked. being the ultimate tease, however, (y/n) pulls back and replaces her tongue with the toy that bella used earlier, slipping it in easily as the wetness of herself continues to leak out.  "oh, fuck!" bella exclaims, she's quick to cover her mouth with the palm of her hand,  however, reminding herself that her father was downstairs, more than likely, passed out on the couch with a repeat of last year's game on the screen. if he had heard her yelling, (thanks for that, edward) he'd be quick to run up the stairwell, careful on his feet so he wouldn't trip and  he'd burst through the door, seeing if his daughter was okay and if she needed him like all the other times he had heard her, screaming and hollering.  of course, if that were the case; he'd see bella, being eaten out by her best friend, tears of pleasure and satisfaction rolling down her cheeks, bottom lip clamped between her teeth, all while (y/n)'s face was full of her pussy, her chin glistening with her juices.  as her one hand covered her mouth, her other had left (y/n)'s hair and was digging into the comforter, her nails digging into the flower printed fabric. 

"that's it, baby, yes, yes, oh, FUCK.  fuck me like that, please, don't stop, oh please, don't stop."  bella's words ran together as she was getting closer and closer to an orgasm. the slur in her speech made it seem as if she were drunk, more than anything. "fuck me like a whore, (y/n), please... want you. need you so bad. 'wan be a good girl for you and cum just for you, babygirl, please."  more than happy to do so, (y/n) does exactly that.  removing the toy, (y/n) replaces the opening of bella's cunt with her fingers, pumping her fingers back and forth; in and out. she does this while shoving her face back in between bella's thighs.   meanwhile, bella bucks her hips into her best friend's mouth, her lips falling down into a little 'o' shape as  the familiar heat pools in the bottom of her stomach and continues to build. her teeth clench together as her feet arch up and her toes curl downward. "oh god.... oh, (y/n).. i'm coming!"  bella's words, like earlier, have not changed because the palm of her hand was still clamped over her mouth, therefore the words that left her lips were muffled.    as the girl rides out her high, the other gal remained in the same position, licking and swallowing all the cum that bella just let loose, happily slurping it up.  the girl below was obviously messy.    even in the dim lighting of the room, bella could see her best friend's face was covered with her own  arousement, it  was dripping  from her lips and her own wetness - she noticed - was sticking to her underwear and was beginning to leak, the drip sticking to her thighs. had she really came, untouched? 

the thought made bella hornier, if that were even possible.   "was that okay?" (y/n) was the first one to speak up and her voice came out in a whisper. it took bella a moment or two to process the words and piece them together. giggling, bella is quick to sit up and crawl over, pinning (y/n) to the bed and kissing her. 

"baby, that was wonderful... you made me feel so fucking good so great. i love you so much." (y/n), hearing bella confess this, squeals with happiness as she kisses her best friend - girlfriend? - back, smiling widely into the kiss as they lay there, lovingly interlocking lips with one another. "but..." bella pulls away, her cheeks flushing as she continues with her sentence, "how about me? can i have a taste of you?" goosebumps prickle her skin  at the question and eagerly, (y/n) nods and grips onto bella's arm, her fingernails digging into her skin as she practically begs for it. 

she needed this so bad. 

wanted bella so bad since all those summer's ago.  "please, bella..."  giggling and smiling - oh, how (y/n) loved seeing her smile, especially knowing she was the reason behind it -  bella nods as she trails down, opening (y/n)'s legs and doing the exact same thing that (y/n) just did. "oh... bella..."  *~* 

throughout the night, bella and (y/n) took turns, pleasing and pleasuring the other. soft, gentle whispers of 'i love you's' left their lips at any given chance, at any free moment they had.  by the end of the night, bella forgot all about edward cullen, all she could think about was (y/n). 

 as for (y/n) she was - though, she wouldn't dare say this to her best friend -

(well, girlfriend) 

(bella asked if it was okay if they put that label on themselves and (y/n) laughed and pulled her into a passionate yet hungry kiss, "i've been waiting forever for you to ask me... yes, bella, i'd love to be your girlfriend.") 

but she was glad edward was out of the picture, too. 

(the two girls came out to charlie the next morning and completely unfazed, he nods and presses a steaming cup of coffee to his lips, sipping on it slowly before he spoke,  “at least you know you have my approval.” 

charlie, too, was more than happy to see edward gone and out of the picture. he liked (y/n) a lot better, anyways.) 

[errorpeachy]

hi～! may i request for the Main Four with blind s/o please? thank you and i like your writings btw～

You sure can! I did a little research to help better understand how blind people live their lives, so I hope this is accurate enough. Be sure to take care of yourself and get any homework you have done! ~🍑💞

✎ Main Four with a Blind S/O ✎

Gon

-This sweetie pie

-He’s like your service dog LMAO

-Constantly reads stuff out loud for you and helps you pick out what clothes you want to wear, holds you by the hand and leads you around crowds, he’s so helpful

-Other than helping you, he treats you just like anyone else! He doesn’t see the need to treat you differently and baby you just cause you can’t see

-You appreciate it because it’s annoying when people do that

-He tried to learn how to read braille by himself but he had an information overload💔

-You taught him braille and he made a note that says “I love you!” with 3D paint

-Sweet babie boy

Killua

-Omg

-First of all, he’s so careful when helping you, he doesn’t want to accidentally give you the wrong info

-If he sees anyone trying to take advantage/make fun of your blindness, he demolishes them- he broke someone’s arm once

-Fuck ableism, me n my homies hate ableism

-Anyways, he reassures you (shyly lmao) that you aren’t any less of a person just because you’re blind

-Uses his money to buy you any of the expensive medical equipment you need, the guy has like so much saved up money

-Teases you sometimes, but if you get upset he immediately shuts up

-he loves you, blind or not :’)

Kurapika

-He is so precautious

-Always makes sure you’re leaving with whatever things you need, if you use one of those collapsing sticks to make sure nothings in your way when you walk, he has three in case you lose one

-He answers your FaceTime calls no matter what because he helps you identify different things

-“This is a 20 right?” “No my love, that’s a 100.” “OH, thanks so much!”

-If you ever say something along the lines of “I wish I could see your eyes, Pika, I bet they’re beautiful” he will tear up

-Helps describe things for you if you ever mention wishing to know what they look like

-I love him he’s so sweet

Leorio

-coochie man

-LMAO but seriously he loves you so much

-Probably does a lot of in depth research on blindness and how people live with it

-Threatens ableist people so much (and he’ll do it again bop bop)

-Goes shopping with you to help you pick out good colors

-When he’s studying he’ll describe different muscles and what the diagrams look like

-If you ever ask what HE looks like, he does his best to explain it but in all honesty he sucks at explaining things LMAO

-He loves you so much, and he will never treat you differently just because you’re blind. He knows better than that, he did research about ableism

-period king

[mikimagines]

May I request the dr1 girls reacting to their s/o giving them a flower?

aww cute!

Danganronpa THH girls flower headcanons.

Yes this includes junko, but instead I despise her.

Kyoko Kirigiri

oh.

Theres an bunch of flowers in her face.

they smell, relaxing.

it makes her smile a little.

so she gives you a little smooch on you head an walks off, still admiring the light purple colored flowers.

“I think she liked it!” you smiled and walked off to her.

Sakura Ogami

you gave her an Sakura flower.

fits the name.

she loves it, really she does.

sometimes, mostly she wears them to her battles or practice!

also she waters them everyday on how much they should be watered everyday.

Sakura deserves better goodbye.

Toko Fukawa

you gave her flowers and oh god she becomes obsessed with it.

she would hold it in her sleep.

she really never had someone gave her flowers before.

so she’s... really happy.

If you gave it to sho, get ready for a bunch of pepper kisses everywhere.

yay! pepper.

Aoi Asahina

ohmygodshelovesit

the flowers look so cute! aaa

she could just... eat you up you adorable human! not in that way

especially after her swimming performances you give her a little flower bouquet!

she loves it so much! as she keeps them in little flower pots!

her brother teases her sometimes on how lovey dovey she is sometimes. Im pretty sure-

Celeste Ludenberg

she was drinking her tea as normal until she sees you with something behind your hand.

as she was about to ask what’s their, you pull the flowers out as she looks, surprised!

ah she loves it! as she gets hifumi to go grab her an flower pot, now

oh come on, you know she would

moving on she’s loves the black and red roses!

it fits her aesthetic of course.

so for a reward youu get an tiny smooch the lips.

aw...

Mukuro Ikusaba

...

huh?

there’s flowers

for her?

in the moment of crying right there and now.

because, she never had this much love before.

not even junko.

as so, she’s crying, it’s rare!

but you comfort her as your best and her back to her feet.

This wasn’t so much, sorry...

Junko Enoshima

Would destroy them for despair.

she would love them, but it was for the despair after all!

also she would burn it, rip it to pieces then throw it in the lake...with sharks in front of your face.

again junko = not good person

fuck junko all of my homies hate junko.

[clutchpowers]

what Lego sets do you recommend because I wanna save up for some and I want something recommended that is a bit cheap and not to pricy but high quality and amazing! also love ur content

DAMB thats kind of a toughie!! it all really depends on what appeals to you!! if you like tiny one offs, sets that you can further customize down the line, whether you're more interested in the minifigure/pieces so you can set up your own mini display, etc.

BUT if you want my personal onions here are some sets i like/have!!! (also thank you :'^O)

SEASONAL

VALENTINES PICNIC - though this one is pricy now if youre lucky to find it cheaper its def a cute set to have on display with your fav characters or OCs hanging out!!

CHRISTMAS TOWN SQUARE - another one thats gone up in price BUT any of the recent christmas tree ones could to as well if you wanna have up a little display for the holidays!! also goes great with the christmas train ride :^D i have mine set up with fairy lights so it looks like an actual festive tree during the season hehe

CITY

CITY ICE CREAM TUCK - dunno if you like building cars but i find them pretty relaxing! plus i like this one more than other ice cream tucks theyve put out because its so simple yet so colorful and cartoony. love the little ice cream on top of the truck so much

3-1 CREATOR SPACE SHUTTLE - not city i know but recent city has been space so ANYWAY if you like space/spacheships this is a good one!! one of the few 3-1s i like plus every alt build looks good too, and because of the alt builds you can totally change it up whenever you feel like it!

3-1 SWEET SURPRISES - again gone up in price but if you find one a cute little set you can absolutely expand yourself by adding more tables or setting it in a park like area!

FRIENDS

TREE PLANTING VEHICLE - adorable little greenhouse set i love the detail on it plus its very vibrant.

HIDDEN SIDE

J.B.'s GHOST LAB - the only HS set i have sadly BUT its such a good little set especially for the price and it was tons of fun to build!! i still have it set up on top of my desk and i love it so much

NINJAGO

yeah i know me and my homies hate ninjago too

STREET RACE OF SNAKE JAGUAR - gone up in price BUT genuinely good set if you ever find one in the wild def one to snag up, looks so cool on display

LEGACY SAMURAI X MEC - i am a die hard nya samurai X stan and though the old classic set i love because of how chonky it is THIS ONE is so cute. i have this up with my other ninjago mechs and it fits in perfectly

KAIS MECH JET - another cool mech i love, its gone up a bit but still kinda worth it imo but really that all depends on if you like him lmao

THRONE ROOM SHOWDOWN - GONE UP IN PRICE but genuinely one of my favorite sets that i own if not for the throne and harumi alone its so fucking cool and i love it

MONKIE KID

WHITE DRAGON HORSE BIKE - this set goes hard alone for meis sick ass bike god i love her bike so much

and yeah those are some of the ""cheap"""" sets i can kinda recommend rn if only because others are either discontinued/theme is too old at this point, or expensive, and also i dunno your personal taste! i hope you find a set thats right for you!! sorry if my recommendations are kinda bad.. im a but more into getting minifig and set pieces so i can crate my own little displays or buy show sets cus its from a season/character i like but im also into polybags and those tiny builds! ALSO if you like some of what the sets have to offer (minifigures/pieces) but dont wanna shell out the cash for it i suggest going to bricks and pieces and looking up the set number and just adding it to your cart and going from there!!

and besides.. why save up for any of those awful sets when you should be buying the only set that matters on this earth ;^)

[youare-mysonshine]

who knew || oscar diaz

Summary: Prophets do a drive by shooting at Oscar’s house and reader is caught in the crossfire.

Requested: Yes!

Pairing: Oscar Diaz x Martinez!Reader

Warnings: Gun violence, blood, character death, graphic depictions of death and blood. Angst, angst, angst lmaoooo

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: so, this was sitting in my request list and I just couldn’t not write it. I’m sorry for the hurt I’m going to cause don’t hate me lmao. Also, there is mentions of blood and death. Heavy mentions of that. So if this is something that triggers you, please don’t read or proceed with caution. I hate myself lol

——-

“Here, papas.”

You walked over to your boyfriend, handing him a cold can of beer before assuming your position on his lap.

It was a nice Saturday evening and you were spending it with your boyfriend at his house - the house was full of nothing but Santos, their girlfriends or people who just hung around the gang. Some music was playing, some people were dancing, some were just chilling and talking. It wasn’t a party, but it definitely felt like it.

“Gracias, mamita.” Oscar took the can of beer from you and opened it, taking a considerable drink before resting his hand on your thigh, keeping you close to him.

You and Oscar had been dating for a good while - you had grown up knowing each other because of your siblings - your younger brother, Ruby, was his younger brother, Cesar’s best friend. And He also knew your other younger brother, Mario. The two of you had begun to date a little before he went to prison and stayed together during and after. You’d been there for him through a lot, you stuck by his side through a lot and Oscar knew that he’d found the true definition of ride or die.

You never turned your back on him, never. Not even when your family tried to get you to leave him - he understood it. When he got locked up, when he was sent to prison, your parents wanted you to have nothing to do with him. He wasn’t mad because he knew that he couldn’t give you the life you wanted or deserved. But you defied your family, you stuck by his side and you didn’t regret it. His family was still skeptical, iffy about the relationship, but they had learned to accept him.

Ruby wasn’t as scared of him as he used to be because he saw you two together - he saw a different side of Oscar when he was with you. And he and Cesar were low-key happy at the possibility of becoming actual family in the event that you two marry, which you were definitely going to because neither of you could see you spending the rest of your lives without one another. And Mario, well Mario had always been a good friend to him and he was just happy that his sister was happy.

Cesar loved you from the get go - he had known you because of Ruby, but then you started coming around more anymore when you and Oscar started going around. Even when he was in prison, you took care of Cesar. You made sure he was clothed, fed, made sure he got to school, made sure he had money. You took care of him like he was your own and that made him feel safe with you. You and Oscar were truly the only parental figures he’d ever known.

As the night progressed, everything was going great, it was fun. You were laughing, smiling, having a great time. Oscar was deep in conversation with his homies, though his hand would squeeze your thigh on occasion though, and it’d have you squirming or gently nudging him because of how ticklish you were. It never failed to bring a smile to your lips.

“Shut the fuck up, liar. I don’t snore.” One of the Santos’ girlfriends said, pushing her boyfriend, glaring at him, though you could make out a smile pulling at her lips. You and Oscar both laughed, your head falling on his shoulder.

“Aye, you know who else snores? This one right here.” Oscar pointed at you and you looked at him with your mouth wide open, though your were still lightly laughing. Your eyes were sparkling, and Oscar loved it. H’d never get tired of your eyes, or your smile. Your laugh.

“What? Callate, mentiroso! I do not snore. It’s your ass that snores in my ear all night.” You said, nudging him with your elbow. Oscar’s smirk softened into a smile and he nodded. The way he looked at you never failed to make your heart flutter. It never failed to give you butterflies. It was like the very first time each and every time.

“I know, I’m just fuckin’ with you mamas.” He reached a hand up, cupping your cheek. He pulled your face down to his and pressed your lips together in a soft kiss. Oscar would also never tire of your lips. How soft they were. How they moved against his so perfectly, so in sync. How they fit perfectly with his own like they were his missing puzzle piece.

The Santos that were near the loved up couple began hollering, cat calling and whistling.

“Aye, get it Spooky!”

“We gettin’ a baby Spooky sometime soon or what?”

“Look at this foo, all in love and shit!”

You both pulled away, a blush starting to creep up your neck, your cheeks and all the way to your ears.

“Yeah. In love. And what?” Oscar countered at his homies, a little smirk on his face. He never shy about how he felt about you. He let it be known that he loved you. That he was yours and that you were his. How could he not show you off? He wanted everybody to know he had the best girl. He didn’t think of it as him being weak - he was more of a man for being able to show that side of him, for not hiding it to seem cool in front of his homies. And that was what you loved about him. He never switched up on you.

Shaking your head, a smile on your slightly moist lips, you moved off his lap. “I’m gonna get some chips from inside.” You said. “You want anything?” You asked your Santo, then turned to look at the group of Santos you were sitting with, asking them the same. A few of them asked for chips as well, so with that, you turned on your heel and began to walk over to the porch steps that led up to the front door.

It all happened so fast.

You all heard the sound of tires screeching as a car rounded the corner. You turned around and saw a green car rolling up. No one had any time to react, no one even knew what the fuck was happening until it was too late.

“Prophets bitch! Fuck Los Santos!”

The sound of bullets hit your ears. It sounded like fireworks but they just kept coming and coming, never stopping for a second. People started screaming, running for cover, bodies hit the floor.

As soon as Oscar heard the bullets begin spraying his house, as soon as he saw that neon green car, his immediate thought wasn’t to get down for cover. It was to find you. To find you and make sure you were safe. Some of the homies he was talking too had hit the ground, blood beginning to pool on the ground below them. Some of them were shielding their girlfriends or each other for the bullets. Some of them had pulled out their own weapons and began firing back at the Prophets.

“Y/N!” He yelled out, voice deep and panicking, in the midst of the chaos. “Y/N..!”

And then he saw you. Laying on the concrete ground with a deep scarlet beginning to pool around you.

You didn’t know how to react. You didn’t even have time to react before your felt this burning pain in your upper shoulder and your chest area. And then you were falling to the ground fast first. You could feel a warm, sticky liquid beginning to wet your skin and you barely registered it as your blood. You were bleeding. You were shot.

“No. No no no.. Y/N..” Oscar rushed over to you, aware that the sound of gun fire had ceased and all that was left in it’s wake was frantic screaming and crying. All that was left in it’s wake was absolute chaos and destruction. And you’d been caught in the middle of it.

Oscar turned your body around to you were on your back and it was like his entire soul just left his body. He could feel the color draining from his face, the panicking really beginning to set in when he saw the gunshot wounds on your body. Your body, your clothes were stained red, only growing wetter by the second. Your eyes were open and you were struggling to breath.

“Y/N, baby. You keep your eyes on me. You keep your eyes on me, okay? Don’t stop looking at me.” Oscar instructed you, not bothering to conceal the panic in his voice. His shaky hands pressed down on your wounds, trying to stop the bleeding but it just wouldn’t stop. It just kept gushing out and it was staining his hands.

“S-Shit! Shit! No no, baby.. Call a fucking ambulance!” He yelled out to whoever was listening.

It hurt. It hurt and you felt like you couldn’t breath. Like you were underwater and you were drowning. The pain had started off dull. This dull burn that began to grow hotter and hotter. Your hazy eyes were locked on your panicking boyfriend as he did everything in his power to keep you from bleeding out but you could feel yourself starting to slip away. You could feel how weak you were growing.. your eyes began to close.

“No! Y/N keep your eyes on me! Damnit, keep your fucking eyes on me!” Oscar sounded like a lost, scared little boy. Not the tough, scary cholo that everyone was afraid of. No, in the moment; he was the one that was afraid. He was watching the love of his life slip away and there was nothing he could do.


That sparkle in your eyes that he loved so much was starting to fade away into nothing and it killed him. It fucking killed him.

“Y/N, don’t close your eyes, baby. Please. No.. No! Y/N”

The last thing that you saw before your eyes finally closed was Oscar’s broken face, the tears that fell from his eyes, as he pleaded with you to keep your eyes open.

———

Oscar was numb. Absolutely numb.

His hands were stained in your blood. His t-shirt was stained in your blood. And the look on your face as you laid there, choking on your own blood, desperately trying to keep your eyes open, was engraved in his head. There was nothing he could do to get that memory out of his head. Nothing.

He heard the sound of rushed footsteps and ‘Where’s my baby? Where is she?’ And as he lifted his head, he saw your family rushing down the hallway. Geny and Ruben had looks of worry on their faces, your mom had tears flowing down her cheeks and your dad looked just as frightened but he was clearly trying to be strong for your mom. Your Abuelita was in tow, holding onto the twins’ hands. And Ruby, Ruby followed behind his parents with this scared, terrified face.

Oscar stood up when he saw your family rushing forward and they all stopped short when they saw him, when they saw the state that he was in - covered in your blood. Scary amounts of it.

“Oscar.. what happened to my daughter.. what happened to her?!” Geny demanded, by her sobs broke through and his own demeanor cracked. Geny turned to her husband and buried her face in his chest, holding onto his shirt as she cried and cried for her young daughter. Abuelita stood back with the twins - they were confused, unaware of what was going on, why their mommy was crying, why everyone was scared, so she tried her best to make them feel at ease, to comfort them

Oscar, with tears blurring his vision once again, looked at Ruby as he sauntered forward. The young teen looked at all the blood that should’ve been in his sister’s body, not on her boyfriends clothes, and let out a shaky breath of air. “She’s gonna be fine, right? She’s gonna live?” Ruby was desperately looking for that comfort. He wanted to so badly believe that his sister was gonna be fine. That she was gonna be okay. Oscar wanted that too. No. No, he needed that. The heartbroken Santo gave a nod.

“Yeah. Your sister is gonna be just fine, alright?”

———

The entire family and Oscar stood when the doctor came walking forward and Oscar felt this dread in the pit of his stomach at the look on his face. Cesar had shown up at the hospital after Oscar had called him and told him what happened. The kids were all there, supporting Ruby. Your dad had called Mario and told him what had happened and Mario promised he’d be there as soon as humanly possible.

“Dr? How is she? How is my daughter?” Geny asked. The doctor let out a saddened sigh and it was like Oscar couldn’t breathe. Like he was dying too.

“I’m sorry.. we tried to do everything in our power to save her but the bullets did too much damage and she lost a significant amount of blood. I’m sorry.” The cry Geny let out was heartbreaking, utterly gut wrenching. She fell to the ground and Ruben went right down with her, holding his wife all the while tears streamed down his face.

Ruby started crying, shaking his head saying she couldn’t possibly be dead. Monse, Jamal and Jasmine were right there - hugging him. Comforting him.

But Oscar. Oscar lost it. His body hit the wall and he slid down to the floor, his legs having gone completely jelly. He could feel his heart physically breaking into a million pieces and it was the absolute worst feeling. Cesar was right there beside his brother.

“Oscar..” The younger Diaz murmured. Oscar shook his head, refusing to believe it.

“No.. No, she can’t be dead. She can’t.. she can’t be.. dead..” He started crying. Actually crying. The Santo buried his face into his hands and cried, his entire body shaking with this pain he never knew before.

He’d dealt with the loss of a mother who preferred drugs over her own children. The loss of a father who walked out on his kids. He’d dealt with losing friends before. But this.. this was something that just killed him. Crushed him completely. The pain was indescribable. The image of your face in your final moments.

You had just been smiling, laughing, having fun. He’d just kissed you! He had just kissed you and now.. you were dead. You were dead and nothing was gonna bring you back. That was something that he had to live with and deal with for the rest of his life.

Cesar wrapped his arms around his heartbroken brother and hugged him. Hugged him close and didn’t let go. Oscar didn’t push him away. He leaned on his baby brother for support, hanging onto him as if his life depended it.

Memories of your times together over the years replayed. Your first kiss, your first time having sex, the first time you both said I love you. Waking up to your face in the mornings when you’d stay over. Memories of you two just laying in bed together and doing nothing, talking about the future. Your future.

Oscar was never gonna have that again. With anyone.

You were gone.

[sewingbear]

Me and my homies we fucking hate the trailer for the new winx club reboot/remake. We hate it!!! I hate it!!!!

They did my girl Flora dirty!!!!!!!! SO I decide to draw flora in my style in and also like a way that could have been be in real life? 

First of all some of you are so mean!!!!!! You’re horrible!!!!! If I see one more comment about how Flora is ugly now because she’s fat in the new show I’m gonna go ape shit. Flora can be bigger!!!! The cartoon is super unrealistic and unhealthy with the body shapes of the main cast. She is a teen and not all teens are skinny af. Fat teens are real. Magical girls can be fat. Fairies can be fat. Ya’ll are fatphobic!!!! So I drew her fat because FUCK YOU. I’m fat and as a kid I would cry because none of the girls on tv looked like me. If there was a fat kid they were the bully, stupid, or wouldn’t shut up about food. Fat people can have hobbies outside of cooking such gardening and magic! 

Anyways outfit wise I gave her something that looks like her OG outfit but yet a bit modern and youthful. I don’t like most of the outfits people have been giving her recently. They are just so not age appropriate. like in the trailer she looked like a middle age woman and the remake drawings look like she’s in her 20′s. I just want the outfits to be more youthful and more appropriate for a teenager. I also want her to be wearing something colorful, floral, and a little tacky. I guess it doesn’t help that the cartoon also had a bad habit of making you forget they’re all 16. 

Anyways! Enjoy this drawing I made out of spite

[c0ry-c0nvoluted]

THE ENEMY IS NOT A SKIN COLOR. THE ENEMY IS A CLASS.

White privilege. The phrase implies special rights. The phrase implies having a jumpstart in the race by way of DNA. What it doesn’t imply is that that white-skinned Jim or Judy is gonna win that race, just that the game is rigged in their favor.

I don’t hate the concept. The validity of it, I mean. It honestly rings some-kind-of-true in my brain when taking into consideration the general social status of people of color. But there’s a problem with it. Not in its validity, but in its generality, its assumption, and the overall affect it has on our society.

The biggest and most obvious problem with it is that there are tens of millions of white people (if not hundreds of millions worldwide), who are all struggling just to make ends meet (if they can at all). There are “poor white folk” everywhere. And there are white kids who are terrorized by their own parents. There are white boys and girls getting bullied at school or in their neighborhood. There are white people suffering at the hands of violent criminals, scam artists, corporations, policemen… And I’m not talking about white criminals suffering, here...

I worked with this insanely gorgeous blond who was one of several dozen (I don’t remember the actual number) of women who were raped by this cop in my city (San Diego). He’d follow them from clubs, pull them over, take what he wanted from them, then send them on their way. He got away with it up until he didn’t, but how many cops still do? His choice of victim was young and white, as are most serial killer victims, but does their skin color matter? In the sense that they’re preferred as targets, yes, but not in the sense of right and wrong. Their white skin, in this case, wasn’t doing them any favors.

But let’s get back to the topic at hand.

Is “white privilege” real?

Well that depends on what you consider “white privilege” to be, and I think that’s where our signals are getting crossed. I think that if you look at it on a more psychological level you’ll see that, yes, “white privilege” is a real thing in that “white people are less likely to be demonized or judged negatively based solely on their skin tone.” (But not on their appearance. If a white person is dressed like a thug, he/she is going to get negatively judged the same way a Hispanic would. Whereas vice versa, if a black person was dressed like a total bookworm, they’re going to get judged as such, not as a criminal.) But blacks being judged more often solely on skin color is 100% true. Black-skinned people have been demonized throughout our nation’s history (and many other nations) and this demonization, along with insidious, covert attacks on black communities by those in power, have caused two things (among a plethora of others, but two for the sake of my point). 1: It’s caused non-blacks who are not racist but are just recognizing the patterns they’ve been force-fed by the media, to unintentionally relate black-skin with ignorance, violence, and criminal behavior. And 2: It’s brought about disparity, anger, and emotional trauma in the black community that is the cause of the higher crime rates in those communities and more black-on-black crime than white-on-black crime (by the people, I mean. I’m not counting by the government because that’s a whole other fuck-storm of shit that isn’t only aimed at blacks, but at any who are considered “lower-class,” which, yes, the majority of blacks in our country are. That’s not to say there are more poor black people than poor white people. I really doubt that’s the case. But the percentage of blacks or other minorities who are poor vs the percentage of whites who are is likely leaning in the direction of exactly what makes “white privilege” a valid argument. But I’m not a “facts” guy. The numbers are just ways to distract from the problem, so you’re not gonna catch me quoting them to cry foul on the BLM movement. The reality is that yes, there are probably more poor white people total than blacks in this country, but the psychology, the demonization of blacks, is a real thing.)

But there’s a problem with looking at this as “white privilege.” Number one: if we do that we (unintentionally) discredit any white person who is or has suffered. Those who are, or have suffered, will absolutely not take kindly to being told that they are “privileged”. And what happens when they are told this? It makes anyone with white skin who has suffered or is suffering (and there’s a fuck ton of us) think to themselves, “Oh, fuck no! You think I got it good? You think you’re the only one who has problems? You think you’re the only one who’s getting fucked by the system? Well fuck you, and your white privileged bullshit excuse to whine to the guilt-ridden middle class to get your free handouts! The government has fucked me over more times than I can count!” And what does this mind-state do? It creates a racial class-war between those who have white skin and are suffering, and those who have black/brown skin and are suffering. And who wins in this scenario? If you guessed “the upper-class” you get a prize. (Whatchoo want, a fuzzy bear? A goldfish in a plastic tub? G’ahead. Pick something nice out. You earned it.) So now you got poor white people with guns itching to shoot any black person with or without a gun who supports a movement that indirectly claims that their suffering is invalid. And what does this “civil class war” accomplish? It creates more “criminals” for the fucking private-owned prisons to make money off of, further separating the upper-class from the lower, creating more suffering, more anger, more hate, MORE RACISM.

So is white privilege real? Psychologically, yes, to the extent that our society psychologically favors white skin over black/brown. But has it ever made me any more money? No. Has it ever stopped the cops from pulling me over and searching my car? Fuck no. I’ve been detained, searched, followed, fined, towed, impounded, harassed more than most people you know, regardless of your color. I’ve lost count of how many damn times I’ve been harassed by the cops in my city. Shit, I wrote a goddamn rap song about it back in the early 2000’s called SDPD, smashing on the fuckers for harassing a guy who was just trying to get by. And I was NEVER a criminal. I NEVER had any weapons or hard drugs (ok, some pills and plenty of pot, but…), I was NEVER robbing anyone or breaking into cars or homes or gang banging (maybe just a smidge of graffiti, but that shit’s art), or causing any kind of…ok, no, there was some drunken shenanigans, for sure, but that was mostly my boys, not me. Lol The point is, being white DID NOT stop me from getting constantly harassed by the cops in my city. You know what did? A new car, less homies in the ride, no smoke blowing from the windows, and a slightly more tempered demeanor while driving. I still bump my rap music, but I’m not in a car full of teenage “trouble-makers”. I still speed, but I come to a complete stop at them signs, bruh. I still run red lights, but I look reeeal fucking carefully when I do. I still zip in-and-out of lanes on the freeway, but I keep it below 80 (mostly). So the only thing that’s changed is that I “appear” to have more money (with a nicer ride), and I show more maturity in being on the road. My skin color hasn’t changed, but my run-ins with the cops have.

The bottom line: Crying out “white privilege” ain’t gonna help anyone but the rich who’re sitting back and raking in the dough off all the drama and weapon sales and fines and arrests and damaged property that needs to be rebuilt. So don’t make our society’s problem about a skin color. When you do that you divide people into groups when you should be uniting them. Divided we fall. I know most of your intentions are righteous, (and this goes out to white people too who’re acknowledging their “privilege”), but you’re doing it wrong. You’re creating enemies by unintentionally discrediting anyone with white skin who has suffered at the hands of the system, claiming that you own the rights (the privilege?) of deciding that they’re the ones who are privileged, all while they’re slowly rotting in inequity right beside you.

THE ENEMY IS NOT A SKIN COLOR. THE ENEMY IS A CLASS.

And that class is the rich. The 1%.

Are most of them white? Yes. But will that stop them from stealing money from poor white people? From bankrupting small businesses with corporate industry? From putting blue-collar white people out of work and replacing them with machines? From taking their homes when they can’t pay back their loans? From putting them in prison when they fight back right next to you for equality? No. Because the 1% only care about profit, and they don’t care who they have to manipulate, rob, demoralize, or demonize to get it, or what skin color those people have. Let’s get our heads right. Open them angry eyes and see who the enemy really is. And fight THAT enemy, not the enemy that their manipulation has created for you.

How? The real solution to “white privilege” and inequity and inequality is a very simple concept but an incredibly complex task. It involves creating a society where money is obsolete. When this happens there will be no more inequality. There will be no “superpowers” or 1%. There will be no poor. There will be no rich. There will be no profit other than the profit of betterment, progress, knowledge, discovery, science, quality of living. But there’s only one way to make money obsolete, and that’s by removing labor from our society. Sound crazy? That’s because you don’t realize how close we are to doing it anyway. A fully automated society is right around the bend, my dudes. We have the technology to make ALL LABOR OBSOLETE, in which case no one will have to work, in which case money will have no significance. What will have significance? RESOURCES. But this is a topic I’ve discussed before and will again soon and more directly. So for now what can we do? We demand a society that serves the people’s interests, not the corporations’. Unfortunately I can’t tell you how to this because I’m not into politics, I’m into actual change, not perpetuating the same system that’s fucking us all. My advice? Start spreading the concept of a RESOURCE BASED ECONOMY as loud and as often as you can. This type of society eliminates corruption and inequity and is only just now becoming possible thanks to advancements in technology. Look into it. Spread the word. AND STOP CREATING SEGREGATION AMONG OUR PEOPLE. Please, for fuck’s sake, stop adding to our problems and start moving towards eliminating them. #fightsmarter2020 Thanks for reading. -cc

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Blending left field jazz elements with club tropes to forge something truly new, Emma-Jean Thackray's work is never less than riveting. New album Yellow is out on July 2, with the composer commenting: “It’s a record about togetherness, the oneness of all things in the universe, showing love and kindness, human connection. I approached the record by trying to simulate a life-changing psychedelic experience, an hour where we see behind the curtain to a hidden dimension, where the physical realm melts away and we finally see that we are all one.” Set to be released via her own Movementt imprint, the album is led by gorgeous new single 'Say Something' - opening with glimmers of Rhodes piano, it leans on that hi-hat shuffle before Emma-Jean Thackray uses her voice to elevate the song. A plea towards communication, it's a powerful introduction. [via Clash]

Philadelphia punk rockers Mannequin Pussy have released the title track to Perfect, their upcoming EP due out May 21. The new song comes with a flashy music video that’s inspired by the kitschy glamor of Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion, too. Musically, 'Perfect' is a distorted blaze of rock guitars that sees vocalist-guitarist Missy eviscerating the idea that people must manicure their own social media presence. “Last year, I found myself spending more time on my phone than I ever had in my life… I realized that through years of social media training, many of us have grown this deep desire to manicure our lives to look as perfect, as aspirational as possible,” explained Missy in a statement. “We want to put ourselves out there, share our lives, our stories, our day to day — and these images and videos all shout the same thing: ‘Please look at me, please tell me I’m so perfect.’ It’s simultaneously a declaration of our confidence but edged with the desperation that seeks validation from others.” In the accompanying music video, directed by Missy, viewers get to watch as a 10-year reunion at Sugarbush High slowly unravels. It opens on three former classmates, all three of whom are pregnant, dishing some hushed gossip and talking about how they want to get plastic surgery that’s so good they mistake one another for strangers. Cue two students-turned-drag queens making a grand entrance and strutting their stuff on the dance floor (mirroring the 1997 comedy classic) while old classmates gasp, shield their eyes, and panic. Meanwhile, Mannequin Pussy can be seen tearing up the band stage while they perform live. [via Consequence]

Following the release of her debut EP I Can’t Cry For You in December, Manchester’s Phoebe Green is back with new bop ‘IDK’. “[It] explores a complete detachment from reality, observing things from a place of total apathy and feeling as though I’m witnessing my life as a bystander with little to no connection to it,” Phoebe explains. “It’s a horrible state to be in, I think it happens when I get overwhelmed.” [via DIY]

Fast-rising French-Korean artist spill tab is unveiling her latest mesmerising single ‘Anybody Else’. Accompanied by a new vid directed by friend and collaborator Jade Sadler, spill tab says, “This song is cheesy as fuck but I love it, it’s pretty straight forward, a little shameless - the lyrics are sort of a way of expressing my love without openly saying I love you. Jade Sadler (the video director) and I just wanted to have a shit ton of fun on this one. We thought about something with narrative or plot and it was just getting to be too corny. I wanted something lighthearted and playful, so we decided we would have all of our homies in this video paired with different colors and angles and set designs. I’m so excited with the way it turned out.” [via DIY]

Willow Kayne has shared her debut single 'Two Seater'. The Gen Z talent links together huge opposing forces, creating her own potent brand of rebel-pop. New single 'Two Seater' finds Willow blazing a trail, upending convention through melding together differing sounds. The lush, 90s inspired soundscape leans on nostalgic impulses, but her punk-like disregard for convention is sheer pop futurism. Produced by DANIO, it finds Willow Kayne coming into her own completely off the bat. [via Clash]

BENEE has shared a video for her single ‘Happen To Me’. It’s the latest cut from her debut album, Hey u x, which arrived last November featuring guest spots from the likes of Grimes, Lily Allen and Flo Milli. “This song is super important to me,” she says. “It’s the opening track [on the album]. It’s the first song where I’ve written about anxiety. The lyrics are pretty dark. Life is pretty crazy right now, and I think it’s important to talk about this kind of stuff.” Of the video, she adds: “Stoked to be sharing this music video with everyone! I filmed it with a bunch of mates, and it was the coolest set! Hope you love it as much as I do.” [via Dork]

Los Angeles-based art-pop artist Kit Major has shared the music video for 'When the Drugs Don't Work,' a more introspective stab at her signature dark, electropop sound. Blending driving dance beats and thumping hyperpop-influenced synths, Kit Major creates an intoxicating elixir of soundbites and grit. Taking inspiration from Charli XCX, Billie Eilish, and Charlotte Lawrence, 'When the Drugs Don't Work' dives into the overwhelming vulnerability and panic of failing to curb a depressive episode with medication. With this release, Kit Major furthers her efforts to be open and make light of her mental health struggles. On the video, Kit Major shares, "'When The Drugs Don't Work' was filmed in one weekend, directed by my best friend in my departed grandparents' now empty house. We filmed this in quarantine without a crew and worked to create a dark & twisted fairytale together. When I first started thinking about the video, I knew I wanted a more lighthearted take to balance the darker theme of my mental health in the song. I wrote the lyric, “little princess hurt locked away inside her palace,” because sometimes when I'm isolated in my room I visualize myself as a Disney princess running inside her castle, instead of being in my bed, surrounded by empty water bottles. This song was written from a mix of different perspectives including my own, my persona, and outside voices. I think we accomplished the storytelling behind WTDDW by portraying the importance of imagination and trusting yourself."  Alongside, director Noël Dombroski adds, "WDDW is a raw, introspective song from Kit that shines a light on parts of herself that at times may be hard to face. We were lucky enough to be able to shoot at Kit's late grandparents' house, an emotionally significant location that acts in the video as the inside of Kit's head. We wanted to challenge viewers to look at every facet of themselves and realize that each part is valuable, even if you may not like it. A conversation we had a lot was about the color scene, where the image of Kit is being pulled apart by color channels. You may hate one of those colors, but you still need it to create that full image. The same can sometimes be said about depression - it may be a layer of yourself that you don't care for, but without that experience, I don't know that WDDW could exist." The music video dives into the psychological turmoil at the heart of the track with a hyperstylized touch. Spotlights wander through a funhouse version of Kit's childhood home, hunting down our protagonist, who we find trapped behind bars, downing teardrops from teacups and champagne from the bottle. Simultaneously unnerving and stimulating in a Paranormal Activity-meets Alice in Wonderland aestheticism, the music video for 'When the Drugs Don't Work' dives into the floating images of a mental breakdown with a fever dream lucidity.

Number One Popstar continues to prove herself as a powerhouse, shaking up the music world with her fresh, unapologetic beats. This week, she shares another one, her new single 'Forever 21.' And no, it’s not about clothes. 'Forever 21' begins with a kicking beat, but subdued with reflective, twinkly keys. It’s a perfect mix of existential dread and dance. Carrying this vibe throughout, it breaks in between with a beaming guitar-driven bridge. Lyrically, the track makes us question why brands and media make it seem like our twenties are our prime, when we still have our whole lives ahead of us? Despite the effervescent pop sound, Hollowell got vulnerable about her past and its effect on the song, saying, "I initially started writing 'Forever 21' when I found myself looking back on my early 20’s, wanting to recapture the hopeful and dumb feelings of my youth. But the longer I spent on the song, the more it became a reflection of the loss I faced when my parents passed away in my early 20s. I started looking at my own fear of death, of dying like them. I really didn’t know where my life was headed back then. […] I eventually turned that painful experience into a motivation to go after everything I wanted in life. To be seriously less serious, recognizing everything is fleeting.” Like her other music videos, Hollowell likes to flip popular culture and societal expetations on their head. While also bringing the fear of aging to life, she also reminds audiences to stay present instead of holding on to youth. [via Earmilk]

Following in the footsteps of Prince and Lizzo, Dizzy Fae is set to become the Twin Cities’ next pop sensation. She just dropped her brand new track, 'BODY MOVE', and much like the name suggests, it will make you want to move. Self-described as alternative R&B, Fae takes a few notes from contemporary hyperpop artists like Charli XCX and Doja Cat with an industrial iciness that plays off the technicolor pop melodies. It’s an influence you can hear on 'BODY MOVE', produced by New York’s Stelios (Young Thug, SZA). The track builds itself off a snappy, rubber band bass line indebted to pop’s recent disco revival. “It’d be so cruel if I didn’t let my body move,” Fea’s voice loops through a robotic filter. A buzzing drum machines barrels in at the chorus, transforming the lightly retro groove to a futuristic club track more akin to the production styles of 100 gecs. But for all the modern influences, the Ying Yang Twins reference shows she’s a student of all types of music. [via Consequence]

Technically, 'Your Power' is not the lead single from Billie Eilish’s newly announced album Happier Than Ever. The album includes two songs she released last year: the jazzy, well received ballad 'my future' and the contemptuous multi-format radio hit 'Therefore I Am.' However, 'Your Power' is the first song Eilish has released since announcing the new album, debuting her new look, and officially commencing her LP2 era, so there’s definitely a deep sense of anticipations around the song. Eilish teased 'Your Power' this week with a brief sound snippet featuring acoustic guitar and the words “Try not to use your power” sung to a Feist-y melody. Now the full song and its Eilish-directed music video have arrived. The completed record remains as soft, pretty, and devastatingly sad as the preview audio. In the clip, a slow pan across a mountainside in the Simi Valley reveals Eilish in the clutches of a gigantic snake. (A press release specifies that it’s an 80-pound anaconda.) [via Stereogum]

[wizardcorez]

ask to be unbroken (hollice)

Jake and Hollis through the years. Canon compliant (before the events of Amnesty+why Jake left the Hornets and they hate him) Alternate title: three times Jake held back tears and one time he didn't 

Rated mature for a vaguely sexual paragraph but it isn’t explicit. Also available on ao3 @/idiottwizard, my twitter is the same handle

Jake was fourteen when he had fallen while trying a new skateboard trick, he had seen some cool looking people around his age on the other side of the street and he wanted to do something to impress them. Instead he ended up sitting on the edge of the sidewalk with a scraped knee and elbow.

He was about to cry before he saw who looked like the leader of the group of kids running across the street towards him with a worried look on their face. He blinked away tears and looked up at them.

“Shit, that was a pretty nasty fall buddy, you okay?” They asked and kneeled beside him, their friends watching from the other side of the street, they looked like a rowdy but friendly bunch, all wearing matching jackets.

Jake wouldn’t let himself cry, the coolest of the bunch was right there. He didn’t want to embarrass himself even more than he already had so he flashed them a shaky smile and a hang ten. “Radical, my man.” he said, even if he absolutely did not feel very radical.

They snorted and Jake found that he kind of liked the sound. “Radical? Didn’t know it was still the 80’s.” they teased.

Jake laughed softly, used to being teased like that by Dani, and reached into his fanny pack to grab two bandaids, one a bright blue and the other yellow, looking confused when they grabbed the bandaids from him. “What are y-”

“I’m helping” They interrupted, taking the back off of the bandaid as they spoke.

Jake looked at them quizzically, but ended up with a smile on his face, extending his leg so it would be easier for them to get the bandaid on, “Okay, what’s your name then?” he asked.

“Hollis” They answered, putting the yellow bandage on Jake's knee.

Jake liked the way that name sounded in his head, “My name’s Jake,” he said with a grin, still trying to pretend like his injuries didn’t hurt him even if tears were pricking at his eyes, “Jake Cool-Ice” he specified, since he liked the last name he had given himself when someone had asked him and he had to answer on the spot.

Well, he had liked it until Hollis started laughing. “What are you laughing at?” Jake asked quietly.

Hollis calmed down their laughter before getting the other bandage ready, “Here, give me your elbow.” they said, and Jake stuck out his elbow, “I’m laughing at your last name, dorkface.” They said like it was obvious.

Jake furrowed his brow “My last name isn’t funny.” he muttered, frowning a little.

He noticed Hollis glance across the street and followed their gaze, just to see their friends were still waiting for them, and they hurried to get the other bandage on him. “Whatever you say dude.” they said, their laughter dying down after a moment “D’you wanna hang out with me and my buds? We skateboard and do other stuff too, you’ll fit right in.”

Now that was how to get Jake to smile, looking over at them hopefully as they finished up with his arm. “For real? Even after I just, like, beefed it?” he asked.

Hollis laughed again and pointed to bruises and scrapes on their own legs, “We all beef it sometimes.” they said simply, standing and offering Jake a hand.

When he took their hand and finally stood, he realized he was a good few inches taller than Hollis which made him smile as he grabbed his board and ran across the street, still holding their hand, to introduce himself.

From then on, Jake was in the Kepler Stunt Club, he earned a black windbreaker with the letters ‘KSC’ shakily embroidered on the chest, he thinks that was Beavan that did that on all of their windbreakers, and he never takes the thing off, proud to finally belong to something. --- Jake was sixteen when he realized he’s liked his best friend for the two years they’ve known each other. To make his shit show worse, he realizes when Hollis tells him they’ve got a boyfriend now and he nearly throws up in his mouth when the jealousy takes over him like a fucking wave.

He holds back tears the way he did when they met, but this time Hollis isn’t putting bandages on him and making it better, they caused the pain. Jake couldn’t be mad about it, Hollis didn't mean to hurt his feelings and he knew that. Hollis didn't even know he liked them, hell, he didn’t even know he liked them until the moment, which was really fucking convenient for Jake.

Hollis was snapping their fingers in his face and he snapped back into reality, blinking away any tear that threatened to fall and flashing them a smile. “Radical.” he said, not sounding nearly as energetic as he knew he should,

He should be happy for Hollis, damnit, he knew that. Best friends are happy for each other when one of them gets a boyfriend or girlfriend but he felt nauseous when he thought of Hollis kissing someone.

A month later when Hollis broke up with their boyfriend Jake couldn’t help but be relieved, even if he felt guilty about it. He was still their best friend, though, and so he showed up at their place with their favorite ice cream flavor, a stuffed animal, and a sheepish smile.

Hollis greeted him with a smile and a few minutes later they were beside each other in Hollis’s bed, eating ice cream with one of their favorite movies playing, Jake trying not to think about how badly he wished he could sit in their lap and kiss their sadness away, pushing away those thoughts he deemed as selfish.

“You know that guy was a dick, right” Jake blurted randomly during the movie.

Hollis sighed “Yeah, that's why I dumped him.” they said simply

Jake paused before speaking again, “He’s lucky I don’t beat him up.”

They laughed, and maybe it’s a little embarrassing that that was what got Hollis to laugh for the first time, but Jake would take it.

“Jake, dude, you couldn’t beat anyone up if you tried.” Hollis snickered.

Jake gasped at that, “I could too!” he yelled, smacking them with a pillow.

Hollis was already grabbing another pillow, “Oh you're on.”

There was yelling and laughing as they fought each other with the pillows, at some point a pillow was thrown and there was a noise of something falling that was ignored in favor of more fighting. At some point all the pillows had fallen or been thrown off the bed, so they resorted to wrestling.

Before he knew it Jake had Hollis’ arms pinned above their head and he froze, looking at them with wide eyes. “Why're you lookin’ at me funny?” They asked with a laugh and flipped their positions, Jake finally snapping out of it but seemingly forgetting to struggle against them, his eyes looking between their eyes and lips before shoving them off of them and sitting up straight as a pole.

Jake felt Hollis’ eyes on him and he had a feeling they were looking at him with concern, glancing over at them just confirmed his suspicions. “Sorry, Hol, you just scared the shit out of me.” he said, forcing out a laugh. They didn’t seem convinced but they also didn’t ask any more questions so Jake considered himself in the clear.

The two spent the rest of the day just messing around, playing video games and laughing at each other’s stupid dick jokes, even as Jake’s mind raced, unable to stop thinking about how he had somehow managed to fall for his best friend.

He didn’t blame himself, when he thought about it once Hollis was passed out on their bed, Jake beside them. They were attractive, very much so, with piercing eyes and wild hair that never stayed the same color for very long. Not to mention their personality, they so fiercely cared for their friends, who were now called The Hornets and had more professionally made matching jackets. They were full of attitude and spunk, and far too good looking for their own good.

Yeah, Jake had definitely fallen hard for Hollis, but he didn't so much mind the way it felt. It was giddy and kind of made his heart ache this dull pain in his chest, but that was okay so long as he was still their best friend. --- Jake was eighteen when he decided to confess his love to Hollis. After realizing he liked them, he spent two years pining after them, resisting the urge to kiss them in those soft moments when laughing fits quieted down and they were both breathless, telling his heart to calm down when Hollis would interlock their fingers when walking places.

He was never sure if they liked him too, honestly. They never got another boyfriend after the first, no matter how many people were interested in them. They kissed his cheek sometimes, making jokes that they had to kiss the homies goodnight, and Jake would laugh and pretend his heart wasn't about to beat out of his chest. He sometimes saw them give him looks that he couldn’t quite name.

Jake had no idea how Hollis would react when he told them, but it was to the point that he couldn’t keep it a secret for any longer without feeling like he was going to explode. He hoped with his whole heart that their friendship wouldn’t change, at least. Of course it would hurt if they didn’t feel the same, but he knew he would be okay so long as he could still have Hollis in his life.

“I think I’m in love with you.” Jake said, an air of confidence to his voice. No, that wouldn’t do.

He groaned and looked in the mirror, he’d been at this for an hour now, practicing what to say to them in the mirror, running a hand through his already messy hair.

At this point, Jake decided to wing it once he saw Hollis, he didn’t want it to seem too rehearsed anyway. Quickly pulling on his sneakers and speeding out of Amnesty Lodge, greeted by his best friend of four years on their fixed up bike, wearing a grin in place of a helmet.

Hollis tossed Jake a helmet, they always did insist that he wear one even though they never did. It was another thing that he didn’t mind, though, it made it clear that Hollis cared, and even if he always knew they did the little reminders like that were much appreciated. He also knew better than to try and get them to wear a helmet themself, they were stubborn and that was one of the things he loved so much about them. They were skilled enough on their bike that he trusted them without it, even if he did worry.

“Sup’ Holly!” Jake called before he even reached the bike, catching the helmet when it was tossed.

Hollis was quick to roll their eyes at that, “You ever gonna stop calling me that?” they asked.

He shook his head, pulling on his helmet and fastening it under his chin as he seated himself on the back of their bike, not hesitating to wrap his arms around their waist before they could even tell him to do so. It made his heart race a little to be so close to them and he knew Hollis could feel it but they never commented on it.

“You ever gonna wear a helmet?” Jake shot back.

Hollis floored it in response, Jake yelping and holding onto them tighter as their hair whipped back in his face. They chuckled, and he felt it more so than heard it, their chest reverberating with laughter and it made his heart swell.

Before he knew it, after a ride of enjoying having an excuse to pull Hollis close, they were at the Hornet’s nest. He reluctantly climbed off, pulling off his headgear and shaking out his helmet hair.

Hollis climbed off at the same time, taking the helmet from him and resting it on the bike. “Your helmet hair is cute.” they said, seemingly not noticing the way it made Jake turn pink.

He paused for a moment, trying to form words. “Your hair after biking is cute.”

“Yeah?” Hollis raised an eyebrow slightly, looking amused.

“Yeah” Jake admitted.

The corner of their lip quirked up in a smile and they took Jake’s hand, “Little walk in the Monongahela fine with you?” Hollis asked.

Jake just nodded, and he couldn't help but wonder if they knew what he was planning. A peaceful walk in the woods was the perfect place for a love confession, he hadn’t even thought of where he was going to do it, assuming he would just blurt it while they made him mac and cheese or something.

The two of them walked along the edge of the forest with their fingers interlocked, the only noise between them the crunching of leaves and sticks under their feet until they found where one of the scarcely used trails ended.

“You’re a lot quieter than usual.” Hollis pointed out as they led him onto the trail, squeezing his hand softly, making Jake sure that they could feel how clammy his hand was.

Jake didn’t say anything for a moment, starting to overthink and panic about confessing. He knew he had to do it though, he had been putting it off for two years and it was a massive weight on his chest.

“So, uh, I actually wanted to hang out today so I could talk to you about something.” His voice was soft as he spoke, and when he saw Hollis nod out of the corner of his eye, he continued. “I’ve known you for like, four years now, and we’ve been best friends the whole time and stuff, and I’ve really only known about it for a little bit, or like, closer to two years.” Jake rambled, the hand not holding Hollis’ fiddling with the zipper on his jacket.

“Jake-” Hollis cut in before Jake could start another sentence.

He didn’t seem to notice, too wrapped up in his own anxieties, feeling tears prick at the corner of his eyes. “I never really wanted to tell you, but it wasn’t something I wanted to keep from you anymore since you are my best friend and all.”

“Jake-” They said again, louder this time.

He was using every atom of his body to keep himself from crying as he kept speaking. “I never wanted to make you uncomfortable at all, our friendship has always meant everything to me-”

“Jake!” Hollis nearly yelled now, making him stop in his tracks and turn to Hollis, finding that they were standing very close and looking up at him.

He blinked down at them, not sure why they were interrupting his long speech, even more confused as they put two hands on either side of his face. “Hollis, what are you-”

He was cut off by Hollis pressing their lips together for a few moments before pulling back, Jake’s face still in their hands. “I love you too, dork. Is that what you were rambling about?” they asked with a small laugh.

“Oh,” Jake said simply, suddenly finding it hard to talk despite how much he had been saying moments before, taking a moment to process before breaking out in a massive smile, “how did you know that's the point I was getting to?” was all he could think to ask.

“I’ve known you’ve liked me since I got my first boyfriend, Jake.” Hollis said, their hands still on his face.

The blonde blushed at that, “Am I that obvious with my feelings?” he asked quietly, a sheepish smile plastered on his face.

“Yeah,” Hollis laughed softly, “I was gonna let you keep talking for as long as you wanted but uh, I could tell you were about to cry and I didn’t want that.”

Jake smiled again, realizing that his heart didn’t feel like it was going to explode out of his chest anymore. “Can you kiss me again?”

Hollis responded by softly bringing their lips together again, Jake wrapping his arms around their waist and smiling into the kiss.

After that they practically ran back to the Hornet’s nest, laughing the whole way, Jake nearly tripping over mangled tree roots on the forest floor. They were happy to see they had the nest to themselves, falling on the couch and pulling each other into a deep kiss.

What happened after that was a lot of gentle touching and exploring each other after pining for years, quickly shedding clothes and soft moans and whines from each of them, falling asleep in a tangle of limbs with soft smiles on their faces.

He was so, so in love with Hollis, and he fell asleep knowing they’d felt the same this whole time. --- Jake was twenty when his relationship started falling apart. He knew he would never break things off with Hollis, he had loved them for too long and he still did, but he also wouldn’t be surprised when they ended up dumping him.

Things with the Hornets were getting way out of hand, it had been fun when the club was about doing cool stunts, but they started to do illegal things. He could understand why, the sheriff was on their asses when they were doing innocent kickflips and sweet stunts, even as Kepler Stunt Club, but when they adopted the new name the law really cracked down on them.

As a whole they were angry about it, Jake included, but he didn’t like that they were resorting to vandalism in retaliation. He couldn’t be caught doing something like that, if he got in legal trouble there was no telling how bad things would end up.

After coming through the gate from Sylvain at twelve years old, he had it burned into his brain: don’t get hurt enough that we can’t fix it at the lodge, don’t get arrested. Not only did his life depend on it, but everyone at the lodge depended on him, and his family back in Sylvain. He had been exiled at a young age, tried as an adult for a petty crime and promptly thrown through the gate into a world he didn’t know, given only vague directions to the lodge and a wrist cuff that could make him appear human.

For the first two years Mama didn’t let him leave the lodge much, scared of him accidentally revealing himself. When he was fourteen she gave him more freedom to explore, and that's how he ended up skateboarding down the sidewalks of Kepler, meeting Hollis on the third time he was allowed out on his own.

Cool tricks and stunts, Jake could do. The group might get a stern talking to when they grind down handrails, but it was no actual trouble. Graffiti and trespassing, Jake couldn't, for more reasons than one. Not only would it risk the fate of his family at the lodge and all of Sylvain, but it also reminded him far too much of what got him exiled from Sylvain.

Jake had tried talking to Hollis about it, but he couldn’t exactly explain his real reasons for not wanting to do things like that, and they passed it off as him being a pussy.

After a few months, Jake was tired of how much the group had changed, he loved them all dearly, they were his first friends on Earth, and of course he was still in love with Hollis. No matter how much he cared for them all he still had self-respect, though, and after asking repeatedly to shift back to doing more stunts and less crimes, they still weren't listening.

He decided to leave the Hornets and Jake was more nervous about telling Hollis he was leaving than he was when he admitted he liked them. He knew that that may be the final straw for Hollis, and that terrified him. Even so, Jake wasn’t going to risk everyone at the lodge and all of Sylvain to break laws with his friends and partner.

Jake was alone at the nest with Hollis one day, and he knew it was the perfect time to tell them, things were tense right now but he wasn’t going to wait any longer.

“Hollis?” He said, grabbing their attention as he sat on the opposite end of the couch from them.

They didn’t look up from their phone, “Hm?” they asked, not paying attention.

Jake sighed, “Hollis, I need to talk to you about something, it's serious.” his voice was uncharacteristically firm.

That made Hollis look up at him, shutting off their phone and setting it on the coffee table, a concerned look on their face. “Whats up babe?” they said, and it made Jake’s heart hurt, having a feeling that they might not ever call him that again after that, already feeling tears well in his eyes.

“I’m leaving the Hornets.” Jake blurted before he could convince himself to put this off for longer, looking away from Hollis so he wouldn’t have to see their reaction.

They were quick to react, he could see them stand out of the corner of his eye “You’re fucking doing what, Jake?” Hollis’s voice was quiet, and their tone made Jake wince.

He took a deep breath, already feeling the tears rolling down his cheeks as he stared at the floor, “I’m leaving the Hornets, Hollis” his voice broke saying their name, closing his arms around himself in an attempt to calm himself down.

“What, you’re leaving because you aren’t getting your way? Because we don’t all want to be-be pussies like you?” They started raising their voice, clearly upset.

“It’s not like I’m a little kid throwing a hissy fit because I didn’t get my way, Hollis.” Jake insisted, standing up so he could pace.

Hollis brought their finger to Jake’s chest, he finally looked down at them to see they were on the verge of tears, he took a step back but they only followed. “Really, Jake? Because that's how it seems to me. You’re too scared to do anything that we want to do, why should we let you hold us back?” they said, looking up at him, despite how short they were they truly did scare Jake when they were like this, though it had never been directed at him until now.

He could only cry harder, he couldn’t hold it back if he tried, “I’ve fucking told you, Hollis,” Jake’s voice was barely a whisper, “I’ve told you I have my reasons for not wanting to do that stuff.”

“But you won’t tell me the actual fucking reasons why, Jake! You haven’t told me shit in this relationship, actually!” Hollis yelled, taking a step further which forced Jake back. “I have told you everything, Jake, all of my trauma and shit that nobody else knows about, I have opened up endlessly, and you refuse to tell me anything, and now you’re leaving the Hornets-your fucking family, Jake, and you can’t even give me a real reason why?”

Hollis had backed Jake up to the wall, now, and he was shaking from how much he was crying, “Hollis I can’t tell you, it isn’t fucking up to me! I promise on my life I would tell you if I could, just trust that I can’t, okay?” Jake’s voice felt weak in his throat and he hated it.

“Why should I trust you when all you do is shut me out and give me vague answers to everything, Jake?” Their voice was quiet again and they wouldn’t meet his eyes.

Jake could practically feel his heart shatter inside his chest, the pieces stabbing into his lungs as he tried to speak, “You don’t trust me?” he asked quietly, closing his eyes to try to calm down. He knew there was a large chance of this going wrong but he didn’t know it would hurt like this.

Hollis didn’t say anything for what felt like forever, and if it weren't for the finger still pressing into the center of Jake’s chest he would think they had just walked away. “I don’t know anymore.” They finally said, their voice low.

He felt their hand drop from his chest and he didn’t open his eyes, quietly crying and trying to pretend he was okay despite it all. “Hollis, I-” he started, trying to find the words he wanted to say.

“No,” Hollis cut him off, shaking their head, “get out.” they said after a moment.

“What?” Jake opened his eyes and looked at them to see they were looking at the ground.

“I said get out, Jake. We’re over.” Hollis spat.

“Hollis, listen to me, don’t just throw away everything we have.” Jake pleaded, sobbing now, reaching out to touch their shoulder only for them to move away, shaking their head.

“It’s too late for that.” Hollis said, their voice shaky, Jake noticed their hands were balled into fists at their sides, a tear rolling down their face for the first time in the whole argument, silently falling to the floor “I told you to get out, Jake, so fucking leave.”

So Jake left, he bolted out the door, not thinking to grab any of what he kept at the Hornet’s nest for when he stayed the night, slamming the door behind him to find that it had started raining, seemingly just to spite him.

He ran along the edge of the Monongahela Forest, finding the end of the trail that Hollis had once led him onto, his mind flashing back to that fateful day as he ran down the trail. It had grown up even more since that day two years ago, twigs scratching his face as he ran, sobbing harder when he passed the spot that Hollis had kissed him, starting to shiver as his clothes soaked through from the onslaught of rain.

Jake has no idea how long he’s been running but his chest aches from overexertion and heartbreak, his legs burn and his face and arms sting from where every thorn and stick scratched him.

When he passed the gate to Sylvain all he could do was cry harder. It wasn’t enough for him to have been exiled eight years ago, never able to see his family again, but his origins had to ruin the best thing to happen to him on Earth too.

At the very least the gate meant that he was getting closer to the lodge, his whole body ached and he thought he might pass out if he kept himself going like this for much longer. At this point Jake didn’t quite mind the thought of passing out though, or just plain falling over dead.

He slowed down to a jog when he saw the back of Amnesty Lodge, his breath catching every time he inhaled and a sharp pain in his side as he came in through the back entrance. Rain water dripped on the floors that he knew had just been mopped earlier, not caring that Barclay would probably lecture him about it.

Dani came around the corner and froze at the sight of Jake, soaked to the bone and shivering, still sobbing, “Jake?” she asked, sounding worried.

He ignored her, moving directly past her with his arms wrapped around himself, making a beeline for his bedroom, flinching away when her hand tried to grab his wrist and locking the door behind him.

Jake pulled off his soaked clothes, grabbing his phone from the pocket of his jeans and, against his better judgement, pulled on one of Hollis’s hoodies that they had left in his room and one of their pairs of boxers. His wailing had died down to sniffles now but he was still shivering from the wet and cold as he climbed under his quilt. He pulled the quilt up over his head and realized a moment later that the hoodie still smelled of them and in that moment he let out a choked sob, having no more tears to cry.

Reaching blindly around his bed, he found the stuffed animal seal he’d gotten on a date with Hollis to Build-A-Bear and pulled it to his chest tightly, taking in a shaky breath. Jake picked his phone up, inputting his password and feeling a pang in his chest as his fingers pressed in his and Hollis’s anniversary.

There’s a knock on his door that makes him flinch but he ignores it in favor of pulling up the music app on his phone, looking between two playlists for a moment but ultimately clicking on the one Hollis had made for him. He knows that he shouldn’t, but he does anyway, setting his phone down beside him as the music played and curling into the fetal position, burying his face in the stuffed seal.

His body still ached, he was cold and wet still, shivering under the quilt. Jake Cool-Ice felt pathetic and he hated it, reminding him of when he had come through the gate, terrified and alone.

Jake’s mind flooded with memories of dancing with Hollis to this playlist, laughing and accidentally stepping on each other’s toes. He yearned to be back in one of those moments more than anything, he knew it wasn't good to be wearing their clothes and listening to the playlist after they broke up with him, but he did it nevertheless.

After some time Jake fell asleep, pretending Hollis’s arms were around him and their breath was on his shoulder like just a few nights ago, the sound of a Hozier song filling the empty space in the air where Hollis should be.

When someone leaves your life, those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful and poetic and satisfying. Others are abrupt and unfair. But most are just unremarkable, unintentional, and clumsy.

[ificanthaveu]

Dani Reviews Wonder

hello, I'm well aware no one asked for this but this is the only way I can order my thoughts on an album and when Romance came out, someone literally asked me to fully review it and I've never forgotten about that and I loved writing a full review so hello here I am

I hate that I have to do this but DISCLAIMER: these are my opinions. I get that you may not agree with them and that’s totally cool, but if you come into my inbox attacking my opinions on a song, I will not answer it and it will be deleted without a second thought. Let’s discuss the songs, not tear each other apart 

and LET’S GO

1. INTRO

Ok so I typically do nothing with intros because I usually think they’re a waste of time. HOWEVER, I really like this one. Now that we’ve heard the whole album, it really encapsulates the entire feel of the rest of the album. It’s been on my playlist since it’s been released and I'm obsessed with it. The soft little piano in the beginning is just perfect and I really love the build up. (not many lyrics to chose from here ope)

You have a million different faces, but they'll never understand unless you let them in

2. WONDER

I never did a full analysis like I was going to for this song. However, I’m going to do like half of one here. I honestly feel like he can be talking about himself, his fans or a girl. You can see it in all 3 ways. I also just feel like there are some lyrics in this where I'm like YES. It reminds me a little bit of Mirrorball by Taylor Swift in the fact that we expect so much from celebrities and like.....why??? It’s just kind of fucked. I think this is honestly such a good single and I really really love it. I feel like it’s just really pure?? if that makes sense. Like he’s just being like “I wonder why it is like this.” and the BRIDGE ugh she's so beautiful.

I wonder why I’m so afraid of saying something wrong. I never said I was a saint.

3. HIGHER

A CERTIFIED BOP. It’s just so lively and upbeat and I wanna dance and I CANNOT WAIT to hear this live. It’s going to be absolutely insane. Blasted it on my way to get coffee this morning. And the lyrics are so lovey and cute but the beat is just too fkn good. I feel like it’s a very common theme in this album to be like “with you, nothing else matters” and like...can’t relate but ALAS I love the music about it anyway.

All eyes are lookin' at us but I can't stop fallin' in love

4. 24 HOURS

OH BOY time to FKN CRY. I absolutely love how old timey it feels. Especially the beginning, it makes me think of 50s music and I’ve been on a big 50s kick recently. Again he’s just so loud about being I don’t care what anyone thinks because I love you and I know it’s you and like YES PLEASE. and just being so in love that you’d throw it all away to come home to that person every day. I really love how the lyrics start with him being like I don’t know how to do this at all but I love you so lets go from there and then figure out the rest. And quoting “only fools rush in” made me so emotional. I love how simple the music is behind it because I think it really encapsulates the feeling of the song. It’s so hard to pick a favorite lyrics for this song my god.

(Besides the entire chorus) I paint the world that you deserve, every color you'd imagine

5. TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE

UMMMM OK???? Very Justin Timberlake vibes for me personally. Very 70s. Very vibey. “Draw a map for me laced with strawberries” ???? HOMIES I cannot I genuinely cannot. As sexual as this is, I also think it’s just so PURE. Like just teach me what’s best for you and I’ll do it. Also like...Shawn say “fuck” challenge like homie you could’ve just said it. Please. I also feel like if I was in love with someone, it’d hit different but for me it is just so FUN and I love the guitar parts a TOn. Like Idk how you can’t just get up and dance to this. Also this one live is going to be other worldly. And “babe I won’t stop til you feel the rush” I MEANNNN

F'ing me up, I'm what you dеserve

6. CALL MY FRIENDS

Ok, so idk what to really say about this one. I like the concept. I think the concept itself is really sweet and fuck it hits different when you’re away from all your friends especially during quarantine and college in general. Like I was (still am) on the phone with my friends constantly, because like Shawn said, they know me better than any one else ever will because they watched me go and grow through it. It’s also just sad because we grow up and grow apart and fuck it’s HARD. I’m not a huge fan of the chorus and I think that’s the main thing for me. The verses are sweet, but idk really about the chorus. I’m just indifferent about the chorus. But there are just lyrics in here that really hit me like “I miss how it was when we we wished we were older.” that one really gets me. 

I know you gotta make some sacrifices, I don't wanna be alone for one more night

7. DREAM

Ok I LOVE THIS SONG but I have to first get something off my chest. The first time I listened to it, I could only think of the dream song from shark boy and lava girl. I don’t know why. But I’m done with that now. Moving on. This song is just so sweet and lovey and I’m obsessed with it. I really like the rhythm of it?? I think that’s the word I’m looking for idk. ALSO him talking about their little touch bracelets like wtf why is no one in love with me. I honestly don’t have much to say about this except that I’m thoroughly obsessed with it. I kinda feel like this song could be in a movie?? you feel me??? The echoey “dream”s are also just GORGEOUS, also how it gets so soft at the end fuck I love this song. And if I think too much about it I’ll cry, but the parallels between Dream and Dream of You

I don't wanna wake up without you laying next to me

8. SONG FOR NO ONE

This song makes me sad. Very sad. God, just the feeling of having a notification and wanting it to be that one person and it just never is but every time you’re like ok but what if. I was thinking about this last night and the way I see it is that he’s made it clear all of his songs are for/about Camila. So I feel like this one is very guard up, being like “no no this isn’t about you, I swear I’m not writing songs about you. it’s about no one. it’s just something I made up” which just makes it all so much harder. Also the use of “someone” instead of “her” or “you” is also very like “I’m not going to say it.” It’s just all very sad because you have to imagine everyone asking him all the time who his songs are about and he just had to keep saying “no one.” This is the first time where he’s actually been able to say “HEY THEY’RE ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND.” And like fuck, finally. Also imagining Shawn drunk calling her and her having to say she doesn’t feel the same. AND when he's like it’s fine I’ll be fine anyway as his voice kind of trails off like GOD that feeling HURTS. I just have way too much to say about this song because I think you can go really deep into it on what the years before Camila and him started dating were really like for him. 

Close my eyes, things are better in my dreams, 'cause I'm with someone, someone I adore

9. MONSTER

I won’t say too much about this bc this song has been out for a little bit, so I’ll make this a little more personal. my friend Han is a HUGE Justin fan and I am pretty obviously a HUGE Shawn fan. and we’d always be like “omg what if” but we thought it was never going to happen so when rumors started circulating about this, we were fucking freaking out. This song is literally our dream collab. I think Justin was the perfect person for this song because of his time in the public eye. And just the whole song being like “you put me up here, so I guess you’re the only one who can push me off.” And it is pretty fucked how we put celebrities on these pedestals and expect them to not make any mistakes at all when we are constantly making them. It’s just hypocritical. It’s also hard to pick a favorite lyric for this one because I think there are a lot that hit hard so I’m doing a fave Shawn and fave Justin

Raise me up into the sky until I'm short of breath // ‘Cause unforgiveness keeps them in control

10. 305

This one surprised me in the best way. I have no idea what I was expecting for this song but god I LOVE IT. I’m obsessed with it and want to jam forever. Just very boppy??? and so HAPPY. I get so smiley when I listen to it. “Waiting for the moment that you’ll let me down” just stuck out to me because I feel like that’s such a universal feeling. Like when everything’s going so good and you’re like....ok what’s about to go wrong. I’m literally dancing in my seat to this baby. The chorus is so catchy and I really wish I was in love pt 358933. I think this may be crowned as my favorite on the album. It’s just so fun and full of love. 

Would take my heart with you if you walked away

11. ALWAYS BEEN YOU

I have been looking forward to this one and she did not disappoint!! Again, this man is screaming about how in love he is and yes, sir I’m listening. You’re the only one my heart keeps coming back to!!!!! And just the very loud instrumental with the soft “always been you”s is SO GOOD. The boy who’s really underneath all the scars and insecurities!!! God, I just feel like this one is especially raw about love. And for the thousandth time, really wish I was in love to fully feel this but STILL it has such a good beat but is still so so soft. 

Full of words I don't know how to say

12. PIECE OF YOU

Heavily reminds me of Jealous by Nick Jonas and I am HERE FOR IT. I feel like we haven’t gotten a ton of this blatant jealousy from him and the HONESTY of this is very like yes I'm possessive. I’m so into you it hurts!!! The counting is also.....hot. Idk why but I love a song that’s very like “yes I'm protective and pathetic and reckless and what about it???” Again, love the beat. A little 80s in my opinion (here’s me remembering it’s MJ inspired lmao). 

From the second you walked in the room, my night is ruined

13. LOOK UP AT THE STARS

*deep breath bc I love this song so much* ok so I read the lil things Spotify had underneath before each song and I cried immediately when I just READ that it was for the fans and then listening to it in that light just killed me. ALSO if you saw his insta live last night he was literally like “look up at the stars!! remember that one!!” and now I'm like OK THANKS. Anyways, It is so soft and fuck it’s so meaningful. This is one of my favorites for sure. It’s literally like he’s sending you away from the concert and this would be such a good closing song (I know it won’t be but I can dream). I’m crying again but “I'm not going to let you down”??? PLEASE I JUST. Calling us angels!! I’LL NEVER BE ALONE Y���ALL I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS TOO MUCH. Never Be Alone has very much turned into our song with Shawn as his way to be like hey I’m always here so YOU’LL never be alone, and now here he is saying because YOU ALL are here I am never going to be alone. AND FUCK IT HITS DIFFERENT. AND SPENDING THE NIGHT IN WONDERLAND WITH YOU!!!! God I’m just a puddle after this one

the streetlights are all saying your name, they always say your name

14. CAN’T IMAGINE

he wrote this on his own and yes I'm emotional about it. I don’t think he’s released a song he’s written on his own since handwritten revisited??? (correct me if I'm wrong) but even that alone is enough for me to know he’s getting way more confident in his music. I think it’s a really good closing because it’s so soft and acoustic and very true to him as he started. The raspiness and realness of it even with the lil thing he says at the end. AGAIN, why tf have I not felt a love like this yet??? Of course, I’m just going to not think of it romantically but just having those people where you can’t even begin to even think about what your life would be like without them. Like I think the lack of descriptors is actually really powerful because like...he can’t imagine it, he can’t explain it so let me just tell you that I genuinely don’t know what would happen if you weren’t here. It closes out the album perfectly (not many lyrics to pick from here lmao)

Without you, all things right would feel so wrong

OVERALL - I honestly really like it there are a bunch of songs I can see myself listening to for a WHILE but there are a few that I'm very eh on as well. I really like the sound of it and the production and just the ~feel~ of the whole album

TOP 3

1. 305

2. Look Up At The Stars

3. 24 Hours

Honorary mentions: Dream and Teach Me How To Love

[jrzimmerman]

⌠JUSTICE SMITH, 22, (CIS) MALE, HE/HIM/HIS ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, JEROME ZIMMERMAN! according to their records, they’re a SECOND year, specializing in MEDICAL TRAINING + RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (a shirt buttoned up to the top and tucked in perfectly to his khakis, various colored d&d dice rolled on top of a table, and a leather jacket he bought to look "cool"). when it’s the (capricorn)’s birthday on 1/03/1998, they always request their GRILLED CHEESE ON WHEAT BREAD from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. - @gallagherintro​

hahaha here with my 5th baby!! i hope you all like him bc he’s a huge nerd and the opposite of our favorite himbo

aesthetics

a shirt buttoned up to the top and tucked in perfectly into his khakis, various colored d&d dice rolled on top of a table, a messenger bag filled with assignments, a first aid kit always on his person, over 40 tabs open of different mangas, cooking mama being played on a grey ds, and a leather jacket that he bought to look “cool”

“Welcome to Gallagher, Mr. Zimmerman. Are you excited to start your second year, here?” 

He didn’t answer her at first, his eyes wondering around the halls. He asked for a tour instead of sitting and talking inside of the office. Simply because he wanted to get a good look at what Gallagher had to offer. And as of now, it was a lot better than Blackthorne. “Yeah, I am,” Jerome finally answered, now making eye contact with the older woman. “I’ve always heard that Gallagher was better than Blackthorne, and I believed it, trust me, but to really see it? It’s refreshing.” 

“I’m glad that you find it refreshing, Mr. Zimmerman and we do apologize for whatever you experienced back in Blackthorne during your first year.”

Jerome let out a humorless chuckle with the shrug of his shoulders. “I mean, it’s not like any of you forced me to go. And I could’ve left anytime, either dropped out or transferred but I stayed.” Because he believed that things would get better after his first year, or maybe he didn’t want to disappoint his mom by dropping out. And if there was one thing he hated doing, it was disappointing his mother. “But it’s whatever, I’m here now and I’m happy to be here.” 

“We’re happy to have you here,” she told him. “I will say that I’m surprised that you wanted a tour instead of having our interview in my office. Did you not want to explore the grounds alone?” 

“And get lost? No thank you.” When first moving into Gallagher, he could already tell that he was going to wind up lost. His curiosity would’ve gotten the best of him and lead him somewhere that was not his final destination. “Do you guys have a map of the campus? If not, you should make one. This place isn’t huge but it looks like there’s a lot, ya’ know? I’m sure that incoming freshmen and the Blackthorne students would appreciate it. I know that I would. I like using maps, well, Google Maps but it’s still the same. I feel like paper maps would confuse me.” He paused, thinking about what he said. “Which basically contradicts me saying that you all should make a map. You know what, forget everything that I just said, okay?”

“Alright then, Mr. Zimmerman,” was her only reply, not even batting an eye at his rambling. “During this time we ask the students to tell us about themselves. Why don’t you do that.”

“Yeah, that sounds easy.” He cleared his throat and fixed the tie that he was wearing, as if he was going to give a presentation. “Hi, I’m Jerome Zimmerman, an incoming second year and I already love this place better than Blackthorne.” Was he really Jerome if he didn’t constantly shit talk Blackthorne? “Studying medical training and research and development. I’m more of the behind the scenes and eat chips in the van while the main character kicks ass type of guy. And then patch him up later after he opens the door all banged up.” He could basically see that as his future and he was into it. “I’m a hardcore gamer. Cooking Mama and Pokemon Platinum are where it’s at. You know, people used to judge me a lot for playing Cooking Mama but I never understood why. Like, think about it, she has taught many people how to cook while making it fun. How could someone ever bully someone over this game? We all played it growing up..”

The boy just kept talking as they continued the tour. And the poor office worker was already done with his constant rambling but said nothing. She just nodded her head and hummed as a reply, hoping that all of this would end soon. 

random shitu

MEET ELLA’S COUSIN Y’ALL / they used to be best buds but had a falling out rip / lives with his mother who’s legit his best friend / a fucking nerd who plays d&d and likes anime, fucking weeb / shit talks blackthorne a lot (just gonna say that both him and emmett DO NOT get along and that emmett for sure punched him in the face) / can’t fight for shit so uh he better stop shit talking / our pan king (srry harpoon, you’re the only straight child) / “uh yeah, of course i’m a true gamer” *shows him playing cooking mama on his ds* / rambles a lot and like not in a cute way like sunny or naomi / book smart but not streets smart 

wanted connections

a blackthorne boy he could call his friend: you know, he could never bring himself to trust anyone because it’s blackthorne. but this guy? was someone that he hung out with a lot and could just be normal around. he felt safe with this person.

someone who he went to spy prep school with: ya know, just someone that he could’ve been like “oh my god, you’re here too? what’s up.” as if they were close. i’m sure they weren’t because he’s awkward and doesn’t know how to hang onto friends. 

a fellow weeb who becomes a close friend: the two came to found out that they like anime and have dedicated two hours once a week to watch anime together. before they know it, the two went from just meeting once a week, to hanging out after class, getting lunch, and sharing personal information. it’s kinda cute, ya’ know?

ex-blackthorne students who HATES him: he talked a lot shit, for sure about the school and about some of the students. emmett already hates him, give me more people!

someone who’s helping train him fighting wise: he can’t fight so of course he needs someone to help him. GIVE ME PEOPLE WHO PITY HIM AND TRY TO HELP OUT THIS LOSER.

idk homies, throw any and everything at me