#ft. olivia prior.

[seeingivy]

better than revenge

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting fic

previous part linked here

an: this is 11k and tweets on tweets. buckle in. if you find the typo in the tweets shut up

songs mentioned: see you again by tyler the creator ft. kali uchis, end game by taylor swift, and vampire by olivia rodrigo

--

The following morning, the buzzing energy in the townhouse is almost palpable. Not only because you’ve finally completed the set and the last four people have arrived – Erwin, Bertholdt, Ymir, and Historia – but it seems that your intense energy from the night prior seemed to have transferred over to everyone else. 

You’re almost too embarrassed to walk downstairs to the frantic chatter – that coupled with the fact that you’ve heard Connie name drop you almost four times – and it seems that Eren seems to be feeling the same when you walk out into the hallway to find him awkwardly lingering by his  door. 

“Hey.” 

Eren looks up, thrown out of his spiral of thoughts, as he gives you a smile and then looks down at your lip. It’s a little sore, the tiniest bit swollen from the tattoos that you got yesterday, and you can see that his is the same. 

“Hi princess. How’s your lip?” Eren asks. 

“Good. I guess I should be thankful that your name is only four letters and not nine letters like Bertholdt or something.” 

Eren smiles. 

“Let’s see it then.” Eren responds. 

You oblige his request, pulling down to show him the inner of your lip and watch as he smiles at the little ink. He follows suit after, making a rather dramatic display of crouching down to your height before pulling his own lip and showing you his. 

“You know, life really does imitate art. Because now, my name really will be forever on your lips.” you respond. 

“I sure hope not. You’d be slashing my head off sometime in the near future if that were true.” 

You smile. 

“You know, that doesn’t sound that bad to me.” 

“But you have to kiss me after. You know, if it were up to me, I think life should imitate art. Like at least ten times, for scientific purposes.” Eren responds, shrugging as he gestures for you to follow him. 

You shake your head, inexplicably unable to respond to the harmless flirting this time around, as you gesture for him to join you downstairs. The two of you walk in tandem down the steps, sparing each other one last smile, before you get hounded by the likes of Connie and Jean. 

And surely enough, the second you make it down to the kitchen and the dining table at the side, you’re met with the sight of Connie air-playing fan edits on the TV screen for everyone to watch. 

You and Eren take the spot behind Connie on the couch, and Eren smacks him on the backside of his head, before you two watch the edit. It’s of Eren singing Glimpse of Us in the background, except the video’s edited to be showing videos of him and Hyla, before juxtaposing them with videos of him and you. 

“Speak of the fucking devils. Don’t tell me you actually got matching lip tattoos? I’m half convinced you assholes are just lying to piss me off at this point.” Connie asks. 

The two of you look over and grin at each other. 

“Why are you watching fancams of us on the TV?” you ask. 

“Edit accounts are a form of art. Look at this one.” Connie responds, sliding to the next video on his phone. 

This one is in a similar vein, videos of you and Eren from the red carpet to the backdrop of you singing Style. You’re not sure what it is, but the video fills you with an insurmountable amount of joy, especially when Connie scrolls up the comments – most of them being about how people can’t stand how Eren seems to look at you. 

“Connie. Why have you watched this entire YouTube video?” Eren asks, pointing to the little thumbnail at the side. 

You follow the line of vision to where he’s pointing to an hour long video, entitled “eren and y/n creating love for an hour straight.” 

“There’s no way you watched that entire thing.” you respond. 

“Watched it? Bitch, I recorded half of those videos for Y/N-Jaegers back in the day. Please put some respect on my name.” Connie sneers, as he leans forward to put the video on. 

You turn to Eren, as the gears start turning in your head. You can tell that he’s following your lead – in fact, thinking the same exact thing as you – as you discuss it over. 

“I mean, kind of makes sense. S’how we did it the first time.” Eren responds. 

“I’d argue that it’s almost poetic to do it the same way. Plus, the resurgence of Y/N-Jaegers would be crazy, just for PR sake.” 

“I agree.” 

Eren reaches forward, yanking on Connie’s ear to catch his attention. He leans back, before swatting Eren off, and standing to face the two of you. 

“Do you have your phone, Connie?” Eren asks. 

“Yeah.” Connie responds. 

“Then, use it.” Eren responds. 

You give him a grin, waiting for Connie – who albeit, in his confusion lifts his phone – before you both pull down your lips and show off your new tattoos. You watch as Connie’s eyes nearly boggle out of head as he moves closer to the two of you, his excited voice filling the entire room as the group of them all start huddling around you. 

Mai and Mikasa look positively appalled, quietly whispering about how painful that must have been, while Reiner and Sasha break out into their own side tangent about how oppressive lip tattoos must be since they limit your food options so greatly. 

You and Eren laugh as you shuffle back into the kitchen, leaving the group of them to their devices as Connie uploads the video, and the two of you reach for the yogurt in the fridge. The piping hot, spicy ramen seemed like it was just going to burn your entire lip off, so you decided against that for today. 

You lean forward to read the little schedule on the fridge, though the filming is considerably light for the week. Considering the fact that almost everyone was here now, or arriving within the next hour, you were going into serious rehearsals for the ensemble showcase that you had planned. Though you were really only in it for one verse. 

Wednesday, March 27th, 10:00 

Eren and Y/N - REDACTED #1 

You frown. 

“What the hell is redacted number one?” 

Eren spins to the side, crouching down so his chin is just hovering over your shoulder. And the fact that he lowers his voice, to the gravelly octave, makes the hair on your arms stand up on its ends. 

“Levi not talk to you about this yet?” 

“No. We’re too busy talking about award show stuff. You know how he loves to lecture.” 

Eren looks over at you, his eyes borderline smoldering, as you can’t help but look away. It was getting harder and harder to look at Eren after your godforsaken realization last night.  

“From what I hear, what they’re lecturing you about is actually very valid.” Eren responds. 

You scoff. 

“You know, they’re so annoying. I’d appreciate it if they kept my conversations with them as private as they keep their conversations with you.” you respond. 

“Well, they were actually trying to get me to convince you to not use your triple threat performance on me. Not when you’re already performing twice that day, with me at the centerpoint.” Eren responds. 

When you had first pitched your idea for the awards show to them – and humbly begged them to give their ensemble showcase moment up to include the Jujutsu Kaisen cast – you had let them know that your intentions were from the get go. 

And when Eren had created the perfect segway for them with the song requests, Hange had slipped theirs in a week prior with maybe the most difficult request that you had been given yet. 

write a song about danny and sareen 

And even more than just writing it, Hange had made it very clear that they were expecting you to sing it at the award’s show at the end when you finally got to do your triple threat performance. That you couldn’t sing another song about Eren, when winning that award, was always going to be about them. 

Hange’s more theatrical than Levi. Because Levi just gave you the cue card that they have read off of that night, that had your name on it. But Hange had gone the full ten miles and given you the little trophy that you never even got to hold, with the note that came attached from the Institute. 

You can still see it now in the dull, gold looping. 

Dear Y/N, Danny, and Sareen,  Congratulations on your accomplishment! Included in the box is the trophy and a golden glass case to display it in. Please call the offices on Glass Avenue to discuss timings for interviews and your performance at one of our four award shows next year.  Best,  The Institute 

And annoyingly enough – despite the fact that it was your name on the trophy, their names were inscribed on the box. 

It was enough to irritate you into writing the song that Hange wanted you to sing. And at this point, you were itching to give them a run for their money too. 

“They didn’t need you to convince me. I gave in eventually.” you respond. 

Eren shrugs, before dipping his own spoon into your yogurt. Eren had instinctively given up the last strawberry one because it’s your favorite, but clearly, wasn’t very attached to his decision.  

“I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to make it about Danny and Sareen in the first place.” Eren responds. 

You shrug, leaning against the back of the fridge. The metal is cold on your back, as you let the freezing cold yogurt soothe the burning in your mouth. 

“Well, I only came back here for Marco. Because he won’t ever get to act again. Then when I started to do this, I was only doing it for you – because you did it for me first.” you respond. 

“And now?” 

“I thought back to what Historia had said to me, when she finally dragged me out of that house the first time. She had brought up Hange’s speech, the one way back when that made me even interested in acting in the first place. About showing the real you and all that.” you respond. 

“And?” Eren asks. 

“Well, Hange brought that up to me, when I originally said I wanted the third song to be about you. Not that you’re not important to me, but…being a triple threat was what I always wanted. And really at the core of it, I just wanted to be as unapologetic as  Hange was. I guess when they put it that way, it was almost stupid not to make the song about them when they’re the one who got to take the sanctity of that award away from me.” 

Eren smiles. And before he can respond, you’re tackled by two pairs of arms nearly strangling you around your neck, your line of vision telling you that Eren’s experiencing the same bombardment. Ymir and Bertholdt are shaking his entire frame and jumping at his side – and your ears don’t deceive you when you hear Historia and Erwin bellowing in your ear. 

You pull back, wrapping your hands around Historia’s face. 

“You crazy bitch. Don’t tell me you actually got a fucking tattoo again?” Historia asks. 

You grin, pulling down your lip to show the group of them. 

“Well, I’d be a fucking liar if I said that.” you respond. 

Erwin, in his theatrics, places a hand over his chest and the other one on the top of your head. 

“That’s my girl. Always had such a sound moral compass.” Erwin responds. 

You can’t help but wrap your arms around him as Erwin lifts his hand and gestures for Eren to join him at the other side. He still smells the same – the lingering scent of Old Spice deodorant and a very husky perfume. And when he pulls back, you can’t help but feel your heart squelch when he puts a hand on both of your cheeks and beams down at you two. 

“You’ve always been our little trail blazers, you two. I’m so proud of you two.” 

You turn to Eren and smile, before looking back at Erwin. 

“We’re proud of you too, Erwin!” Eren responds. 

You turn your head to the side, giving Eren a confused look. 

“Don’t flatter me, Eren. I’m not above crying in front of you children.” Erwin responds. 

“I’m offended you would even think that, Erwin. Don’t you know who I am?” Eren responds. 

You shake your head as you turn towards Ymir and Bertholdt at your side and leave Eren and Erwin to hype each other up for what was probably going to be the next thirty minutes at your side. You had already given up trying to understand Eren and Erwin’s relationship years prior. 

“Hey, kid.” Ymir says. 

“I’m older than you.” you respond. 

“Yeah, yeah whatever. I have someone I want you to meet.” Ymir responds. 

You follow her line of vision to the opening of the kitchen, to find someone lingering against the frame of the door. There’s a girl standing there, with tan skin and a short pixie cut – nervously knitting her fingers together. She’s smiling at you, rather brightly, and you can't help but feel like you’ve met her before. 

“Y/N. This is Sofia, my fiance. Sofia, this is Y/N.” Ymir states, gesturing for the two of you to shake hands. 

You oblige, her hand warm and the shake firm, as you try to hide the shock in your face. With the rush of everything that was going on, the information that Mikasa had shared with you days prior had been floating around in the back of your mind but you were never able to ask Eren to put it to rest. 

And now there was another lingering question mark hanging. 

That Ymir had proposed to Historia, but that she said no. That she begged her and Historia couldn’t bring herself to do it. But even despite that, they were still sleeping on the same mattress when you came back for the first time, for Marco’s funeral. 

And now she’s engaged to someone else. 

“Hi Sofia. My name is Y/N. It’s really nice to meet you.” 

Her eyes light up as she squeezes your hand, which you now realize is still locked in with hers, as you look back up at her and smile. 

“It’s really nice to meet you too.” she responds. 

“You know, you look really familiar, but I can’t exactly place why.” you murmur. 

You look to your side to find Ymir grinning at Sofia, as Sofia can’t help but groan in response. 

“I told you she would remember you.” Ymir states. 

“That doesn’t count as remembering me! A lot of people can look familiar to people!” Sofia responds. 

You smile, rubbing your palms together, as you look at the two of them. The thought of Historia a few feet away talking to Jean and Mikasa has you sweating, nervously passing your eyes over just to make sure that she wasn’t watching the entire interaction go down. 

“Have I met you before?” you ask. 

Sofia sighs, the slightest pink tint in the apples of her cheeks. 

“This is so embarrassing. I met you and Eren a couple years back, at one of those conventions with the panels and stuff and –” 

The recognition is instant. 

“Oh my god! You were wearing a shirt with my face on it! With your sister, right?” you respond. 

“I fucking told you she would remember! She has really good memory.” Ymir responds, this time goading her on. 

You shake your head at Ymir, before placing your hands on both of her biceps and squeezing. 

“Sofia, wait. I really remember that because it actually meant the world to me at the time. I’m sure you…know about Scott Clarkson and all that mess and –” 

“I want that man dead and I’m so serious.” Sofia deadpans. 

You laugh. 

“You and me, both. But yeah, that day was actually the first time that Eren and I had ever met him in person. And the entire event in general was just so uncomfortable and left a weird taste in my mouth and you…you really made me feel like I was doing something important and I actually thought about it for a really long time.” you respond. 

Sofia smiles, before she reaches forward and wraps her arms around you. The embrace is overwhelmingly warm, as you eye Ymir behind her back, who's just shaking her head at her demeanor, almost insinuating that this was what she did all the time. 

“I’m really glad. I really meant what I said back then and I’ve always been a big supporter all this time. You’re really brave and courageous and –” Sofia stars. 

“Okay, Sof. Enough. You’re going to make poor Y/N’s head bigger than it already is.” Ymir groans, as you turn back to your side. 

“That’s really sweet of you. How is your sister?” you ask. 

You’re not sure what it is, but it’s almost like you’ve thrown ice on the little warmth that was pooling in the conversation. Because her face slightly droops and Ymir’s quick to put a hand on her shoulder in comfort. 

“Ah. She passed away a few years ago.” Sofia mumbles. 

“Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up and –” 

She smiles, enough to give you the faintest glimpse of her dimples. They remind you of Eren. 

“That’s okay. That’s actually where I met Ymir. At the grief group.” she responds. 

“You went to a grief group?” you ask. 

“Well, not originally. I was there with a friend, a while before Marco died. Met her there. We were already dating when Marco passed away, but…we just figured it wasn’t the best idea for Sofia to come to the funeral with…you know. Historia.” Ymir responds. 

So why did she sleep with Historia on the mattress? 

“I’m glad you’re here with us now. It’s really nice to meet you. And I love weddings, if Ymir can humble herself enough to invite me to hers.” you respond. 

“Shut up, bitch. You’re so annoying.” Ymir responds. 

That’s what she says. But it sounds more like are you crazy? Of course, you’re invited. 

“Anyways, I hope you come to set later. Eren and I are going to be filming something if you want to watch.” 

“For sure. I’d love to see it.” Sofia responds. 

You look over your shoulder to find Levi, Hange, and Eren waiting near the edge of the kitchen island, gesturing for you to come over now that you’ve caught their attention. And as the four of you embark out towards the set, Levi explains what redacted scenes are to you. 

You spare Historia one last glance as you walk off the set and can’t help but feel a bitter taste in your mouth at the longing look she’s giving Ymir. 

--

--

“You know, this sounds an awful lot like method acting to me.” you murmur, spotting the sly grin on Levi’s face. 

“Eren told me not to call it that. He said you might strangle me. Or him. Or both of us combined.” 

“He would be right about that.” you respond. 

He’s leaning against the edge of the vanity, as the makeup team tasks themself with drying and prepping your hair to perfection, while Levi coaches you through what you now understand are the two redacted scenes that Levi has asked you and Eren to film. 

You just think it’s lazy script writing. Levi thinks you’re annoying for calling it that. 

With your combined permission of course, Levi has decided to let you method act through the two scenes that he originally had planned out. While he was allegedly entirely faithful in your ability to deliver lines, he wanted to see if what the two of you could produce out of real shock, in the moment as your characters, was something better than what he could write. 

Hence, the vague scene that you and Eren were going to be filming. To your understanding, the pair of them were each going to give you and Eren a set of prompts and you were just supposed to act your way through the scene based on what they told you to do. 

“Can I know my prompt then?” you ask. 

“You understand, right?” Levi clarifies. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just supposed to go based on what you tell me.” 

Levi hops off of the counter, this time leaning closer so that you can actually make eye contact with him in your line of vision. 

“But really. I don’t care how badly you want to say something else. You…you have to go based on the direction that I tell you.” Levi responds. 

It’s almost annoying, the way he’s coddling you through the entire thing. 

“Okay, I get it. This is my entire job, you know?” you respond. 

Levi scoffs. 

“Fine. Eren’s going to ask you something. I want you to shoot him down.” Levi states. 

You lean your head to the side, much to the annoyance of the makeup artist, who moves your neck back into place. You shoot her an apologetic smile, before thinking back to Levi. 

“You want me to shoot him down?” you ask. 

“He’s going to ask you something. Or insinuate it – and no matter how badly you want to do whatever it is, you have to tell him no.” 

Levi gives you a curt nod before he walks back out to the set to put things in place, as you put the outfit resting on the hangar on. You reach up to mess with the little fringe of your bangs, pulling down the undershirt and the jacket as you prepare yourself for the scene. 

When you walk out on set, the group of them are all sitting on the sidelines, giving you excited smiles. You give Sofia a little wave at the front of the sidelines, returning the little finger hearts that Gabi and Falco point towards you as you reach for your cue. 

And when Levi calls action, the lights on the entire set dimming and the chatter breaking down to silence, you can feel your heart pounding in your chest as you see Eren at the top of the little landing, his back facing towards you. 

“Eren! Everyone has been looking everywhere for you!” 

At the sound of your voice, Eren lifts his hand to his face and sniffles, almost like he’s wiping away tears, before you stand at his side. He refuses to meet your eyes and now that you’re standing at his side, you’re not sure how you missed this before. 

They cut Eren’s hair. 

A small part of it – because it’s out of the usual man bun that he’s been sporting since you came back to set and instead loosely frames the sides of his face. 

It might be your favorite look yet. And all you can do is stare. 

He still refuses to meet your eye, withholding it from you. You follow his gaze to the bottom of the landing, to see the kid that Levi had introduced you to a week prior, who was going to play Ramzi in the script. You had yet to film the scene – since you’re almost positive that Levi was going out of order at this point to save time and note it. 

“The boy from the market? What happened?” you ask. 

“Nothing yet.” Eren responds. 

Eren’s voice has that same gravel, almost hollow, like he did the day that you filmed the table scene. It’s almost haunting when his voice sounds like that – so devoid of motion and strained that it makes your chest pang. 

You wonder if that’s what he sounded like in the years that you didn’t talk. 

“What do you mean? Wh-what is this place?” you ask. 

“After the war left them with no home, they all gathered here to live. They’re just like us.” 

Eren’s throat bobs at your side and you can feel his eyes clenching in your peripheral vision. 

“One day, their regular lives ended and everything was taken away from them. They were deprived of all of their freedoms.” Eren states. 

And almost in a split second, Eren finally averted his gaze from looking down and meets your eyes for the first time. You’re not sure what it is – surely something from the makeup team that’s making his eyes look fuller, rounder – but the eye contact is almost excruciating this time. Your first instinct is to turn away. 

“Y/N. Why do you care so much about me?” 

You can feel your cheeks burning. That was the last thing you were expecting him to say. 

“Huh?” you repeat. 

“Is it because I saved you when we were little? Or is it because I’m your family?” 

You swallow hard, the block in your throat stifling. It’s almost like you can’t even push air out of it, like you’re opening your mouth to try and nothing can make it past – enough to fill you with a panic like you won’t ever speak again. Because you have the faintest inkling of what’s going to come next…why Levi was so adamant on asking if you would be able to follow his instructions. 

“I-” 

“What am I to you?” Eren asks. 

Everything. 

It’s the first word that comes to mind when he asks. 

“Ev–” 

You pause, as you feel the sweat accumulating on the edge of your hairline, fighting the urge to reach up to wipe it off. Levi’s voice is excruciating in your head. 

He’s going to ask you something. Or insinuate it – and no matter how badly you want to do whatever it is, you have to tell him no.

It’s almost painful. Having to say it when it isn’t true. When in reality, you know that you’re acting and Eren knows that you’re acting too – that this is just part of your job. But to even strike him down in the fake way, after weeks of building it back together, seems cruel. 

You sigh, shutting your eyes and taking a deep breath, before you look back up at his eyes. The deep green is enough to accumulate the thinnest film of tears in your eyes. 

“You’re family, Eren.” 

And after you mutter it, it’s visceral…an almost physical reaction from Eren. Because you can see the way his breath hitches, the way he hesitantly steps back – quite literally physically recoiling. And the regret sits heavy in your chest and you have to drop your eyes – because you can’t even bear to look at him. 

“Cut!” Levi calls. 

It’s enough to snap you out of the heaviness, as you shake your head at the resounding amount of chatter that follows. You can still feel your heart racing as the makeup team is quick to rush to your side – quickly powdering the sweat that had accumulated on your cheek as they do the same with Eren – and you can hear Connie and Reiner mumbling about how brutal that was to watch on the side. 

You look back up at Eren, whose hollow look hasn’t left his eyes and you give him a halfhearted smile – which he doesn’t return. Instead, he turns back to Levi and Hange, who are murmuring over the shot in the viewfinder. 

“Did we get it?” Eren nearly shouts.

“We got it. You killed it guys.” Levi responds, still fixated on the shot. 

“Do you still need me or can I go?” Eren asks. 

“Eren–” 

“You’re good, Eren.” Hange responds. 

Eren’s almost too quick with it, the way he yanks the little mic pack off the little sleeve in his jacket and hands it to the crew. And with his long bean stalk legs, he’s disappeared from your side before you can barely even process that he was standing there in the first place. 

--

You can’t bring yourself to talk to Eren until two days later, on the eve of his birthday and two days before the award show. Not because you’re actively avoiding him, but it seems that he gets so wrapped up in quite literally everything else he has to attend to. Though really, it feels like that the slight air of comfort that you had was completely shattered by filming the scene together. 

There’s a quiet knock on Eren’s door. He’s preemptively pissed off…and the quiet irritation that had been festering in his chest for the last few days was about to come to a head on Connie and Lana, who refused to take a hint. 

He had made it infinitely clear that he wanted to spend the early hours of his birthday alone. That he would be fine and dandy to celebrate with everyone the day after, but he needed the time to process some things alone. 

The tension diffuses when he realizes that it’s you at the door. There’s an almost timid look on your face, as you balance a little white box in your hands, and peek your head past the closet. 

“Am I disturbing you?” 

“No, of course not. Come in.” Eren responds, patting flat on the comforter for you to join him at his side. 

You give him a smile as you set the little box down, crossing your legs over each other to sit at his side. You lock your hands into the pits of your knees as you turn over towards him, taking a second chance to admire that his hair is the slightest bit shorter. 

“I really love your hair, Eren.” you respond. 

There’s an immediate flush in the apples of his cheeks. He reaches up to it, nervously pushing a hand through the strands before he drops it all together. 

“Thank you. The length was starting to get really fucking annoying.” Eren responds. 

“I liked the man-bun but I think this type of thing really suits you.” you respond. 

Eren looks over at you and gives you a halfhearted smile. And that quiet ease returns, maybe faster than Eren would have liked. The quiet moment of hurt that he was holding on to was absolved the second you smiled at him. 

Eren can hear Connie’s voice in his head – calling him down horrendous. 

“What can I do you for?” Eren asks. 

“It’s almost your birthday.” you state. 

“Congratulations, Y/N. You know how to read a calendar!” 

You scoff, before lightly shoving him in his side. 

“Shut up. I wanted to do something for you.” you respond, before lightly pushing the box in front of him. 

Eren gives you a weary look, before he opens up the little box. It’s a frosted green and white cake – with four candles in it. It’s a strange arrangement since they’re all numbered candles, making the number 2,345. 

“I guess I stand corrected. You really don’t know how to read a calendar.” Eren responds. 

Eren turns to the side, with the most annoying look on his face, as he turns to you and grins. 

“Okay, Y/N. Repeat after me. The year is 2024.” 

“Shut up, asshole. I was trying to be sweet.” you grumble, as you hike your knees to your chest. 

Eren rolls his eyes. 

“What’s so sweet about getting the age wrong on my cake?” Eren asks. 

“It’s actually to make up for every birthday of yours that I missed, dumbass.” you respond. 

Eren can feel his heart pounding in his chest. 

“What?” Eren asks. 

You shrug, before reaching down to adjust the candles from pushing into each other. 

“The last birthday I got to spend with you was your twenty-second birthday. I can imagine that the years’ that followed weren't exactly pleasant…that…that they might have been a reminder of what happened on the beach.” you start. 

That was the understatement of the year. 

“And it’s my fault that I missed your birthday. So, I thought that…we could make them up now. Hence the candles for three and four, for your twenty-third and twenty-fourth birthday. And today’s your twenty-fifth…it’s the least that I could do.” you respond. 

Eren thinks it’s rather unfair that he always seems to be at a loss of words when he’s with you.  Instead of being able to spill out what was really racketing through his brain – that it was getting infinitely harder to swallow down his feelings, that this was almost melting the resolve that he had made with himself to let you make the first move – he opens up his arms instead. 

You oblige, leaning forward and resting your chin against his shoulder, as you feel Eren scoop his arms around your waist. It’s almost like he’s resting his entire body weight on you, because you can feel his face digging into the softness of your neck, as you absentmindedly reach up for his hair, feeling the edges that were just freshly cut. The faint scent of the hairdressing spray still lingers. 

He’s quiet for sometime, but it’s only fitting that when he does break the silence, it’s with something annoying. 

“A cake with no plates is crazy, Y/N.” Eren mumbles. 

You laugh, as you reach inside the box for the two forks you tucked inside the box. You hand him one, as he tucks the ends of his hair behind his ears, and looks up at you. 

“Game plan. You eat all the frosting and I’ll eat all the cake.” Eren states. 

“Huh?” 

“Okay, that’s a little selfish. But it’s my birthday. And I just really hate frosting.” 

The thought that comes to your mind is enough to startle you, just in the slightest. 

Eren really is your soulmate. 

It’s stupid. A stupid comparison to make when the person that you’re comparing him to is Ricky James of all people. But you can’t help but think about that stupid memory, from before the Met Gala. Ricky had bought you that stupid cupcake – and very irritatingly swiped the frosting off of your finger. 

And the two of you bickered because you both preferred the frosting as opposed to the actual cake. And naturally, Ricky was never going to be the type to give up his frosting for you. 

It was sweet that way, with Eren. And you’re sure that the thought of invisible strings and single threads of gold tying you to Eren are really only on your mind because that’s what you sang to him the last time you got to spend his birthday with him, but it almost seems too perfect. 

That Eren likes the cake, but you like the frosting. That you’d always finish the cake if you were eating it together. 

Unbeknownst to you of course, Eren is fully aware of the fact that you are overly fond of the frosting on the cake. And that you have no idea that he really hates eating the spongy cake part and prefers the frosting too. 

But he doesn’t like the frosting nearly enough to not even think twice before offering it to you. 

--

--

You only grace the red carpet for five minutes. You and Eren are above that at this point. But from what you were able to discern from Twitter backstage, after practicing your first set with Eren, it was eventful enough without you there. 

Sukuna splashed a glass of wine in Ricky’s already swollen eye from last week. Hyla tripped and fell when she got out of the limo. You and Eren spend a good amount of time reading through the stuff on your feed – and the perfectly timed blind items that you had submitted to every paparazzi company but the WBS were coming out just as you planned them. 

And surely enough, every single one of them was getting caught off guard when they were asked on the carpet – and couldn’t scramble a perfect PR response out. 

There were three blind items that were yours and the rest were strays. And you were fully intent on making sure that everyone, Danny and Sareen, knew that it was you who submitted them by the end of the night. 

First, that Ricky James had thrown an insanely murderous bitch fit at the front of the Institute Offices in New York when he found out that he had been replaced as the opening act, by Eren of all people. 

Which, according to your sources, was true. 

Second, that the producer for the critically acclaimed Ribbons album, Sareen Clarkson, had been cheating on her husband with industry plant John Stasny, who is twenty years her junior and had previously been linked to several famous actresses, like Historia Reiss. 

Which was also true. It had only been a few hours since it had been leaked, but the shit train that followed wasn't pretty.

If you were going to call her a fame fucker, you were going to make sure that everyone was going to understand the reference. 

And the third was that stupid magazine cover that Scott had mailed you and Eren. 

This was seemingly the last pillar that had to fall in taking down Scott Clarkson and his empire – or at least putting the tiniest bit of a dent in it. 

The only reason that the WBS was successful in the first place was the same reason that his label and movie company thrived the way they did – they were big enough to eliminate all the competition. 

But when it came to something like a tabloid, that centered around reporting on drama, it was almost natural to take them down in this way. If they were the only ones that lacked the information, then they’d be the only ones who would drop the ball on reporting it – and therefore, people would have to divert their attention away to someone else to get the information. 

The foundation seemed a bit bare, but you were already too far in to oppose it at this point. 

You feel a little tap on your shoulder and you turn around to find the two people who were going to be accompanying you for your first performance. 

The dopplegangers of you and Eren – from the Girlfriend and Because I Liked a Boy Performance. 

“Hi guys!” 

You reach forward and wrap your arms around both of them as they return the gesture and warmly hug back. Thankfully, they were more than happy to oblige with your second request – third for Penelope if you counted Girlfriend – to pretend to be you and Eren. 

You almost felt bad for marking this as their legacy so many times, but they were more than happy to oblige – citing the free food and the hefty paychecks as more than enough compensation. 

“Right, well. Eren, this is Penelope.” you state. 

“Yeah. Yeah, we’ve met before. Hi.” Eren responds, the look on his face so painstakingly awkward that you almost feel bad for the prank that you’re about to play on him. 

“And this is Scott.” you respond. 

It’s insanely bad timing, since you accidentally mention it while Eren’s taking a swig of his water bottle. And due to the shock, he consequently spits the entire contents back into the bottle and gives the three of you wide eyes. 

“Your name is fucking Scott?” 

“No, it’s Jason. Y/N paid me three bucks to say that.” he states. 

Eren looks at you, giving you a downright murderous glare, as he puts the water bottle down. 

“You bitch.” Eren grumbles

“It’s funny!” you respond. 

You shake him off as you turn back to Jason and Penelope and eye the little wardrobe rack on the side. 

“Okay. Hair and makeup is ready for you two whenever you are. And just remember, that if anyone asks you about the outfits –” 

“Mine is based on Selene, goddess of the moon.” Penelope states. 

“And mine is Poseidon, god of the sea.” Jason adds. 

You grin. The two of them give you a passing wave before they walk off to the other side of the stage and Eren makes a dramatic display of shuddering. 

“What?” 

“Don’t they like…freak you out?” Eren asks. 

“Why would they freak me out?” 

“They literally look like us! And they’re literally dating too which makes it even weirder!” 

You give him a weird look. 

“They aren’t dating.” you respond. 

Eren wraps his arm around your shoulder, before twisting you to the side of where their dressing rooms are – where the two of them are standing, kissing. 

“That looks really friendly to me.” Eren states, tone dripping with sarcasm. 

“What the hell?” 

“It’s weird!” Eren whispers. 

You shiver. 

“Ew. I don’t like that.” you respond. 

“Levi should hire them to do the kiss next week instead of us. Sure, they’ll enjoy it more than we will.” 

You can feel your cheeks burning. You know that it’s not what he meant – surely, that it couldn’t have been what he meant in the slightest but the sting still hits all the same. 

“Jesus. Didn’t realize you were so opposed to kissing me.” you mumble. 

Eren’s eyes go wide.

“I’m not opposed to kissing you!” 

“You just suggested that Levi and Hange should literally offer a salary to two people who kind of look like us just so you wouldn’t have to kiss me.” you deadpan. 

“No! I didn’t mean it like that!” 

“Well…don’t be weird about it! You don’t have to…want to kiss me. I know we’re just working and that it’s all like method acting or whatever. I’m not going to get offended if you don’t want to it’s just–”  

Eren looks agitated. If Sukuna was standing here, you know that he would have no self control and probably piss him off more by asking him if he needed to take a shit. 

“Y/N, just listen. I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable because I wrote a kiss into the script and told Levi and Hange that they can’t write it out this time.” Eren responds. 

And just as fast as his eyes go wide, his cheeks are bright pink this time as he suddenly busies himself with worrying about his costume to change the subject. 

It’s a hopeful thought and you’re clearly speaking faster than you’re thinking. Because it’s probably against your better judgment to assume that he wrote the kiss in just because he wanted to kiss you. 

You say it anyway. 

“You wrote the kiss into the script?” you ask, giving him a grin. 

“My costume seems like it’s going to be tight, right? It looks a little short at the legs? We should see if we can get this fixed in the next twenty minutes before we go on, so I don’t look like an idiot, you know?” 

You place a hand on his shoulder, to stop him from bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, and keep him standing on the ground. 

“You can relax. I was just messing with you. And your outfit looks fine, I think we should change now so we can make sure I don’t go swinging into the audience with the equipment.” 

Eren waits for you to finish changing before you walk over to the little makeshift hang-glider that you guys requested. He chooses to ignore commenting about how much he loves it when you wear red for the time being and focuses on making sure you don’t plummet to your imminent death from the moon you’re going to be hanging off of. 

Eren watches as you shuffle on the little seat, before he reaches around you and secures the little belt around your waist. You watch as he tightens it not only twice, but three times, before he reaches for your hand and secures the microphone around it next. 

“You know, I understand securing me to the moon but I think the microphone is a little much. I’m not going to go dropping it.” 

“I’m sorry for being overcautious. I’m not a big fan of…stints that include hanging in the air for so long.” Eren responds, as tightens the strap around your hand again. 

You pale. Of course he hates these type of things.

“No. No…I’m sorry. I totally forgot about that…I-I didn’t even realize that this might be really nerve wracking for you. We can take this part out if–” 

“No, no. I like the set design. How about you just promise to come back to me in one piece?” Eren asks. 

You sigh. 

“Of course.” 

And Eren gives you a gleaming, two dimpled smile in response, before he taps your side and walks over to his cue. As they send your little glider into the air, you can actually see the entire audience from the little break in the curtains at the top – and can spot a very annoyed Ricky James sitting front and center. 

With pink wine stains on his shirt. 

You look down at Eren, who looks up from his spot, and spares you one last thumbs up before the music stats. 

You have to give your props to Eren’s team for working out the set exactly as he wanted it. With the ocean on the left, you in the moon on the right, and Jason and Penelope doing their little slow dance on the beach in the middle. 

Eren:  You live in my dream state Relocate my fantasy I stay in reality You live in my dream state Any time I count sheep That's the only time we make up, make up You exist behind my eyelids, my eyelids Now I don't wanna wake up

Eren:  20-20, 20-20 vision Cupid hit me, cupid hit me with precision I wonder if you look both ways When you cross my mind (Yeah), I said, I said I'm sick of, sick of, sick of, sick of chasing You're the one that's always running through my daydream, I I can only see your face when I close my eyes

And surely enough, they lower you from your little vantage point behind the curtains to the bright flashing lights and the resounding cheers of the crowd – that are barely muffled out by your ear pieces – as you sing your part. 

Y/N:  Can I get a kiss? And can you make it last forever? I said I'm 'bout to go to war And I don't know if I'ma see you again

As Eren sings his second verse, they’re quick to lift the moon back up and off the stage in time for you to climb off – and for you and Eren to replace Jason and Penelope on the beach in the center. 

You and Eren hadn’t really practiced this part, though in hindsight it was simple enough. You just had to keep leaning in until they dimmed the lights – to make it look like you and Eren were going to kiss each other. 

Y/N:  Can I get a kiss? (Can I get a kiss?) And can you make it last forever? (Oh, forever) I said I'm 'bout to go to war (Go to war) I don't know if I'ma see you again (See you again) Can I get a kiss? (Can I) And can you make it last forever? (Can you) I said I'm 'bout to go to war ('Bout to) And I don't know if I'ma see you again

It’s excruciating to do it. To pretend – and in that second, you decide you’re going to kiss him anyways. Because he wraps his hand too perfectly around your neck to pull you closer and instinctively closes his eyes. 

And then it’s overwhelmingly embarrassing. Because the exact second you time moving forward is when Eren leans back, because they’ve pulled the curtains. And runs off to the side curtains, as you awkwardly stalk back. 

You try to swallow down that pit of shame in your throat as he turns back towards you, handing you an ice cold water bottle. 

“That was great! But was it really hot up there? Your face is all pink.” Eren asks. 

“Uh, yeah. I kind of had a panic up there.” 

Eren twists the cap off and instructs you to drink, biting cold enough to taper that burning heat in your cheeks, as he instinctively shakes his head. 

“I said come back in one piece.” 

“I am in one piece.” you grumble back, getting ready to go stalk off to your dressing room until you had to face him again four performances later. 

Eren doesn’t follow when you make it all the way to the little room, as you lean back in the chair and resort to massaging your temples. 

Too close. That was way too close. 

“Hey?” Eren asks. 

You can see Eren poking his head into your dressing room, bright green eyes curious as he looks down at you. 

“What?” you ask. 

“The answer is yes.” Eren responds. 

You glare, in irritation. 

“To what?” 

Eren bends down, pressing a kiss right into the thrumming pulse of your temple. 

“You asked me if you could get a kiss. Well really, you asked me seven times if you could get a kiss, but I’ll spare you the entire show.” Eren responds, tapping the frame of the door and giving you a bright smile before he steps back out. 

You sigh. The quiet moment of hurt that you were holding on to was absolved the second he smiled at you. And multiplied into the biggest, searing feeling in your chest when he kissed you. 

--

--

There’s seven people in your dressing room after the fact. And one of them is Satoru Gojo, who counted as an additional ten people, which is when you take the sign that it’s probably time to duck out of there. 

You had three options – Connie and Eren who were having way too much fun with your special props, a group that had both Historia and Ymir in it, or Sukuna – who was standing by himself in the corner. 

There was a very obvious choice. 

He gives you a noncommittal nod as you walk up to his side and link your arm in with his. He’s nursing a tiny glass in his hand, which he offers to you. You know him well enough by now to know that it’s going to be some taste buds descreating drink, but decide to drink anyway. 

And surely enough, it burns all the way down to your esophagus, making you physically recoil as you hand the glass back to him. 

“Jesus. I feel bad for your liver.” you respond. 

“I actually don’t drink that much anymore. My liver is just fine.” Sukuna responds. 

“There’s no way. That just destroyed like…a quarter of your lobule.” 

“What the fuck is a lobule?” 

“The functional unit of the liver!” you respond. 

If looks could kill, Sukuna would have murdered you then and there. It’s at that moment that Eren and Connie run up to you, Eren quickly placing his hands on your cheeks to angle your face up towards him and place the little crown on your head. 

“Très magnifique!” Eren murmurs. 

“Wow. Who taught you French, Ratatouille?” 

“Does that count as a self-diss? You taught me French, ma lune.” 

You lightly shove him in the side, as everyone reaches for their cues on the stage and you crawl to the revolving stage underneath with Eren and Sukuna. And surely enough, Levi and Gojo delivered well on their promise with their prop guy. 

He perfectly replicated that god forsaken throne Scott was sitting on in that stupid magazine cover. You snag the little crown Eren placed on your head off to admire the work on it – the gold handiwork. You place your hands in the middle and test the fragileness, noting that it takes little to crack the pieces – before you place it back on your head. 

“So, who was on the right? Eren or Lana?” you ask. 

“I was on the right.” Eren responds. 

The group of you flinch as the music starts blaring above and take it as a sign to stick your earpieces in. And right on timing with the chorus, you can hear the screaming get louder – which you’re positive is people just overreacting to the fact that Gojo’s the first person in the ensemble showcase when he shouldn’t even be in it in the first place – and tap your hands nervously on the handles. 

I wanna be your endgame I wanna be your first string I wanna be your A-Team (whoa-whoa, whoa) I wanna be your endgame, endgame

“Sukuna. There’s pins right there, there’s no way she’s not going to jostle the crown off before she hands it to Lana.” 

“Got it.” Sukuna responds, shuffling away as you look back up to Eren. 

He looks down at you, tucking your hair behind your ear, which has your heart pounding in your throat. 

“Pretty dress.” Eren whispers. 

You give him a shrug, before laying down the fringe at your sides. 

“Nice suit.” you respond. 

“Eh. It’s kind of digging into my neck.” Eren responds. 

You stand up, rocking back on your heels, as you turn to face him. You reach forward, reaching for the top buttons of his dress shirt and task yourself with unbuttoning them. 

“You know, you could at least take me on a date first.” Eren grumbles. 

You hum in response, giving him a smile, as you stop at the third button and reach forward to readjust the layers of his necklaces. His skin is soft and warm underneath your fingertips and it gives you an insanely inappropriate thought. 

“What are you thinking?” Eren murmurs. 

“Nothing.” 

“You’re thinking something naughty.” 

“Ew. You have such a disgusting choice of words, Eren.” you whine. 

“What was it?” 

“Nothing, Eren. I was thinking about how pale you are.” you respond, letting go of the chains and reaching back to sit in your little chair. 

Eren reaches forward, grabbing you by the wrist and pulling you back. He’s quick with his other hand, securing it around your waist and holding you steady against him. His lips hover right by your ear, the gravel of his whispering makes you nearly squirm. 

“What were you thinking?” Eren asks. 

“Nothing, Eren. Really.” 

“I’m not an idiot. I’ve seen that look in your eyes before…and I know what it means. What were you thinking?” Eren asks. 

You groan, squirming out of his embrace. 

Where the hell did Sukuna get lost? 

“I just thought about something that people would notice, that's all. But we don’t–” 

“What was it?” 

You groan, before tucking your hair behind your ears. 

“I’m wearing red lipstick. And that’s a fairly…exposed patch of skin. People would notice if I–” 

“If you kissed me. Alright, go ahead and do it then.” Eren responds, angling his neck closer to you.” 

“Eren.” 

“C’mon. It’s almost our turn. You have to be quick with it.” Eren responds, gesturing frantically with your hands. 

You awkwardly step forward, placing your hands on the sides before you pinch your eyes shut and press a lingering kiss to his neck. You can feel Eren lightly tilt his head back and inhale sharply the second you make contact – but you chose to ignore it. 

You pull back and examine the mark, though it’s rather faint. Eren clocks it fast enough, as he gestures with his hands again. 

“Another one won’t hurt. C’mon.” Eren whispers. 

“Okay, yeah.” you respond. 

You press your lips to his neck again, this time earning you Eren’s hand squeezing into your side – where it was resting at your waist – as you pull back and admire the mark. You look back up at him, feeling an itching sensation all over as you give him an awkward smile. 

“You guys are fucking insane, you know that?” Sukuna mutters. 

“Sukuna! Where the fuck did you go?” you respond, angrily snatching the little pins from his hands and securing them into your hair. 

You sit back down on the throne, as you hear the little countdown ringing in your ear, and prepare yourself to sing the last portion of the song. You can feel both of their hands on your shoulders – squeezing hard – as you lift the microphone to your lips. 

Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations, ah And you heard about me, oh I got some big enemies (hey) Big reputation, big reputation (yeah) Ooh, you and me, we'd be a big conversation, ah And I heard about you, ooh You like the bad ones too

You rustle the crown off of your head and hand it to Sukuna, who walks over to the edge of the stage and tosses it right to Lana in the front row. Who takes it in her hands and breaks it in half before throwing it behind her back. 

I hit you like, "Bang" We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't And I bury hatchets but I keep maps of where I put 'em Reputation precedes me, they told you I'm crazy I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me And I can't let you go, your handprint's on my soul It's like your eyes are liquor, it's like your body is gold You've been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks So here's the truth from my red lips  

I wanna be your endgame (endgame) I wanna be your first string (me and you) (first string) I wanna be your A-Team (be your A-Team now) I wanna be your endgame, endgame I wanna be your endgame (oh, I do) I wanna be your first string (first string) I wanna be your A-Team (A-Team) I wanna be your endgame, endgame

--

--

The last part is the most nerve wracking. You had to abandon your sweet post of sitting in between Eren and Mikasa at your table for your last performance of the night – which was going to be announced by Danny and Sareen. 

It’s like sitting on pins and needles, getting your hair done and slipping into the sparkly but scratchy dress. And surely enough, when you wait on the edges of the curtain and watch them stage your set – of a grand piano and little star decals – they join you at your side. You can feel your hands shake, nearly dropping the trophy in your hands, as you spare them a glance. 

They’re shorter than you remember and frankly, less intimidating too. That coupled with the fact that Danny has a bright pink eye and the slightest bit of dried blood around his nose.

“What happened to your face?” you sneer. 

Danny rolls his eyes. 

“Ask your boy-toy.” he responds. 

You fight the urge to smile, and make a mental note that Eren deserves every bit of your praise when you see him next, as you turn your head back to the stage, where the announcer is presenting the highlights of your career on the back screen. And surely enough, the two of them awkwardly jostle their arms in with yours as the three of you walk out together. 

You stare blankly out in the audience. And refuse to smile. 

You can see Eren sitting front and center as he gives you the smallest thumbs up in support.

“One of our crowning achievements is getting to work with this lovely young lady right here, on some of our most famous albums, like The Lucky One. Please give a well deserved round of applause for the unstoppable Y/N L/N, who will finally be gracing us with her triple threat performance.” Sareen states. 

You note the drag in her voice when she says the word finally. And you fight the acidic feeling that accumulates in your mouth as you’re suddenly acutely aware of the fact that you’re standing next to the two people you hate the most – who continue to take credit for the one thing that’s yours. 

“Out of the three, Y/N has chosen to mimic the signing performance that awarded her this coveted prize. She will be playing her brand new song, vampire, on the piano. A true testament to all the work that the three of us put together as a team, in molding her into a skilled pianist.” Danny states, sticking his hand out to Sareen as the two of them walk off and take a seat right at the front. 

You can feel your skin steaming as you place the award on the top of the piano and sit down at the keys. You’re able to catch Sukuna’s striking pink hair moving on your left – to the seats behind Danny and Sareen – as you take that as your cue to start performing. 

Hate to give the satisfaction, asking how you're doing now How's the castle built off people you pretend to care about? Just what you wanted Look at you, cool guy, you got it I see the parties and the diamonds sometimes when I close my eyes Six months of torture you sold as some forbidden paradise I loved you truly Gotta laugh at the stupidity

“Eren. You okay? You’re shaking the entire table.” Lana asks, leaning over to whisper in his ear. 

Eren absentmindedly looks down and notices the nervous shaking in his leg, as he turns to his side and spares her a glance. He can note that Lana's concerned because this is starkly similar to the last time the two of them were here together.

When you were singing your isolating, heart-shattering piano ballad about him, while he was hanging his head in between his legs. After you had slapped him, after you had yelled at him after everything that had happened.

That was far from it. It was the way your hands were shaking on the piano keys that was stressing him out. He needed you to make it through the entire thing. Desperately.

“I’m nervous. I think she’s going to cry.” Eren whispers back. 

'Cause I've made some real big mistakes But you make the worst one look fine I should've known it was strange You only come out at night I used to think I was smart But you made me look so naive The way you sold me for parts As you sunk your teeth into me, oh Bloodsucker, famefucker Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire 

You’re crying. 

Because all you can think about is how the two of them were just standing there, arms linked in with yours, in a moment that was supposed to be yours. That every moment that was supposed to be yours was theirs – and that even at the end of all of that, their still the one standing their proud with their careers when you had to suffer at the hands of it. 

That taking your career was one thing, but taking advantage of the fact that you knew nothing was another. Because you were a teenager, who was so attached to her dream that she'd do anything to get it, especially when people at the top – were promising it to her.

All at the expense of Eren and his feelings. At the expense of your relationship.

You can feel your hands shaking, your vision entirely blurred as you feel the tears start to pour out of your eyes – your singing voice coming out entirely strained as you continue to push your keys on the piano. And you’re able to strain enough until you get right to the bridge and pause. 

They had a responsibility to look out for you as an adult. And did the exaxt opposite.

You reach back to the slicked back bun and snag the pink ribbon that was secured into the little hair tie. The same pink ribbon that was dangling from your hair the day you were stranded in that godawful rain. And yank it straight out of your hair and wrap a little bow around the bottom of the award. 

You wipe the wetness on your cheek, coming back with the slightest smudge on the back of your hand, before you press your hands into the keys and continue singing. The continuation has people rising out of their seats – and you don’t fail to notice that Eren’s the first one to do it – as you finish the song. 

You said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard? You can't love anyone, 'cause that would mean you had a heart I tried you help you out, now I know that I can't 'Cause how you think's the kind of thing I'll never understand

I've made some real big mistakes But you make the worst one look fine I should've known it was strange You only come out at night I used to think I was smart But you made me look so naive The way you sold me for parts As you sunk your teeth into me, oh Bloodsucker, famefucker Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire

You take the award and stand up from the bench of the piano to walk straight off the stage, directly to where Sareen and Danny are sitting in the front. Sukuna’s taken the hint to leave the open chair he was sitting in between them and retreats back to his original, as you place the award in between the two of them. 

“Congratulations. I hope it was everything you ever wanted, assholes.” you seethe. 

You slam the award down onto the open space between them, enough for them both to jump up in their seats and spill a glass of wine down the length of Sareen’s dress, as you angrily march back to your seat. And surely enough, Eren and Mikasa are waiting there with open arms, ready to wipe your glittery tears away. 

And as the cameras drop and they cut to commercials for four minutes, you lean your head against Eren’s shoulder as Mikasa pours you a glass of water. 

“So fucking good. So fucking amazing, Y/N you–” Eren whispers.

"Eren even punched him in the face earlier, Y/N! It looked like it really hurt." Mikasa murmurs.

You look up at Eren, and he's grinning so hard, that you can't even fight the urge to not smile back.

"Why'd you punch him?" you ask.

"You slapped Scott Clarkson for me. Why am I not allowed to punch Danny for you?" Eren asks.

You feel a tap on your shoulder and look to your left to find Hange and Levi standing at your side, which really only brings on a more powerful stream of tears. Levi instinctively opens up his arms as you lean against his shoulder instead, Eren standing closeby with Sukuna at his side now.

“Was that everything you wanted Hange?” you groan. 

Hange smiles. 

“And more, kid. I, uh. Actually have something for you.” Hange responds. 

“What’s that?” you ask. 

Hange gestures to Connie at the side, as he produces a small, golden trophy in Hange’s hands. 

“I really don’t give a shit about this anymore. S’kind of how it goes with this type of thing. But, I know this award, this one in my hands specifically meant the world to you back in the day, so I want you to have it.” Hange murmurs. 

You frown. 

“Hange. You can’t just give that to me.” you respond. 

“You gave yours away because it gave you more pain than it was worth. Mine did the same for me at the time too. But, it gives me joy to give it back to you, because really, you deserved it. Back then, but even now too.” 

You take the little golden trophy in your hands, noting that it’s much smaller and really not even as shiny as the one that they had just handed you, and press it close to your chest. 

“Hange, thank you so much. You have no idea what this even means to me.” you whisper, as you wrap your arms around their neck. 

Hange spares Eren a glance over the shoulder and gives him a big thumbs up, coupled with Levi’s approving smile. 

It’s the rare times that Eren’s overthinking habit comes in handy. When he’s able to think ahead and fix things before they happen. 

“I have an idea, kid.” Hange responds. 

--

--

Levi and Hange give you a three day break when you get back to set. You’re not sure what exactly it was that came out of you when you did your last performance, but it was almost like it drained the life out of you. Eren nearly had to drag you back onto that plane and consequently, to your room, when you made it back to the set. 

He thinks that you’ve finally let go of what you’ve been holding on to. And that you can finally move forward now. 

You told him that Marco must have been haunting him overtime for the past few days, which earned you a hearty laugh from him. 

And surely enough, on the fourth day, you’re able to muster your legs down to the kitchen – to a group of well meaning cheers from the group of them – as you read the little slots on the schedule pasted on the fridge. And surely enough, Levi was going to throw you right back into the thick of it. 

Wednesday, April 6th, 8:00 AM 

Eren Head Decapitation 

It’s a stupid caption. If you didn’t know what it meant, you would even laugh at it. 

But you had read ahead already – and knew that it meant that it was finally time for you and Eren to get that kiss scene out of the way.

--

next part linked here

taglist: @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06  @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha  @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimp @gojojang @yookayyo @lordbugs @multiplefandomthings @iobeyfandoms @camilo-uwu @justanotherkpopstanloll @mel-star636 @fvckingeetar @ttalgi @najaemism @ilovekimchi123 @youraggedybitch @xoyumiqls @leafguitar @spiidergirlsworld @luvs4kim @levin4nami @florichun @hoonmyluv

[hit-song-showdown]

Year-End Poll #72: 2021

[Image description: a collage of photos of the 10 musicians and musical groups featured in this poll. In order from left to right, top to bottom: Dua Lipa, The Weeknd and Ariana Grande, The Weeknd, 24kGoldn, Olivia Rodrigo, Doja Cat and SZA, Silk Sonic, Olivia Rodrigo, Lil Nas X, Justin Bieber and Daniel Caesar and Giveon. End description]

More information about this blog here

In 2021, the charts started to open up again after the lockdowns, but we're mostly seeing how this is affecting newer up-and-coming artists. Olivia Rodrigo's Driver's License was notable for shattering streaming records upon its release, making Rodrigo the first female artist since Carrie Underwood to have a single debut at number one. With her debut album, Sour, the trend of music of the 2020's playing homage to previous decades will continue. Good 4 U is obviously inspired by the pop punk of the early 2000's. The Weeknd's Save Your Tears continues the synthwave influence of his fourth album, After Hours. Levitating, like most of Future Nostalgia, is nu-disco. And Silk Sonic, a musical project conceptualized by Bruno Mars and Anderson .Paak with assistance from funk legend, Bootsy Collins, obviously takes influence from the funk and Philadelphia soul sound of the 70's. I like how the final decade in this series feels like a look back at the previous years we've covered. It's like everything is coming full circle.

But the 2020's isn't just made up of homages to the years prior. As far as trends to look towards, obviously TikTok is going to have a major say in what reaches the charts (I believe almost all of the songs listed trended at some point). Could be a chicken and egg thing, since obviously songs that are already popular are going to be more widely used on the app. But as we'll come to see, TikTok will also help to bring songs to the forefront that otherwise wouldn't have charted. Lyrically, the music of the 2020's pop scene also seems more introspective than the start of the previous decade. This works well with the lean towards the "bedroom pop" sound, but even the uptempo dance songs bring up queerness, depression, therapists, and anxiety. Whether these songs handle these topics well is another debate I don't feel like having, but it speaks to a shift in both awareness as well as self-image.

[latestinbollywood]

Wilt Chamberlain Wiki, Bio, Age, Career, Education, Relationship, Death, Net Worth, Nationality And More

Wilt Chamberlain Wiki:- American basketball player Wilton Norman Chamberlain, who played centre, was born on August 21, 1936 and passed away on October 12, 1999. He is regarded as one of the greatest players in the history of the National Basketball Association (NBA), standing at 7 ft 1 in (2.16 m) tall. He played in the NBA for 14 years. The claim that Chamberlain is the all-time best player has been made by a number of athletes and newspapers. Blocks were not tallied during his career, but he retains multiple NBA regular season records in the areas of scoring, rebounding, and durability.

Wilt Chamberlain Wiki

Wilt Chamberlain was chosen for the 35th, 50th, and 75th anniversary teams of the NBA in 1978. Additionally, he was admitted to the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame. In the short-lived International Volleyball Association, Chamberlain played volleyball after his professional basketball career ended (IVA). In recognition of his contributions, he was once league president and is now a member of the IVA Hall of Fame. He played the enemy in the 1984 Conan the Destroyer movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, who was known for his power.

Wilt Chamberlain

Parents And Education

Chamberlain was born on August 21, 1936, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, the ninth child of a family of nine. His parents were domestic worker and homemaker Olivia Ruth Johnson and welder, custodian, and handyman William Chamberlain. He was a weak child who missed an entire year of school due to pneumonia in his early years. Chamberlain was always quite tall; at age 10, he was already 6 feet 0 inches tall. Chamberlain initially had no interest in basketball because he perceived it as "a game for sissies."

wilt chamberlain parents

Career

Before finishing his senior year, Chamberlain intended to turn pro after his disappointing junior year. Chamberlain decided to play for the Harlem Globetrotters in 1958 for a fee of $50,000. He became a member of the Globetrotters team that made history by playing in Moscow in 1959; the team enjoyed a sold-out tour of the Soviet Union. At the time, the NBA did not accept players until after their college graduating class had been completed, and Chamberlain was prohibited from joining the NBA for a year. They were welcomed by General Secretary Nikita Khrushchev prior to the start of a game at Moscow's Lenin Central Stadium.

wilt chamberlain career

Death

Chamberlain has a history of cardiovascular issues, and he briefly visited the hospital in 1992 as a result of irregular pulse. Those close to him claim that he ultimately started taking medicine for his cardiac issues. In 1999, his health drastically declined and he lost 50 pounds. The week before Chamberlain passed away, he underwent dental surgery. He was in excruciating pain and didn't seem able to recover. On October 12, 1999, Chamberlain, 63, passed away in his Bel Air home. According to Chamberlain's agent Sy Goldberg, congestive heart disease caused his death.

wilt chamberlain death

Relationship

In 1991, Chamberlain released the book A View From Above. He talked about his stint in the NBA and his thoughts on other legendary basketball players throughout time. Chamberlain made a claim about his love life in the book that is still hotly contested today. In A View From Above, Chamberlain asserted that he had slept with 20,000 various women throughout the course of his lifetime. That figure may be even more astounding given all the mind-numbing data Chamberlain compiled while playing in the league.

wilt chamberlain relationship

Net Worth

Even $10 million richer Wilt Chamberlain regarded Richman as a father figure in his life. The two were closely related to one another. The connection was so strong that Richman gave Chamberlain a 25% ownership part in the 76ers.

Nationality

American INSTAGRAM FAQ ABOUT WILT CHAMBERLAIN

Q.1 Who is Wilt Chamberlain?

Ans. Wilt Chamberlain is American basketball player.

Q.2 Is Wilt Chamberlain has kids?

Ans. Not available

Q.3 What is the net worth of Wilt Chamberlain?

Ans. $10million Read Also: Burt Bacharach Wiki Read the full article

[txemrn]

Yo Em! Tell us about your MC! BRYNN!!

Yo anon! OKAY! 🤣

Thank you so much for the ask! Click "Keep reading" to learn more about my absolute favorite character Brynn, my MC from TNA. 

FYI: this is the Brynn from the "Once...Always…" universe, which I now call, "the Schuyler-Dalton Chronicles". This universe now spans 12 years since TNA. I have several one-shots planned for this universe that are meant to be read as individuals, but each story is a building block to the entire picture (so you can assume certain things without me having to give a back story; hence, the same universe). They will be labeled accordingly and placed on my masterlist as they come out. Please feel free to send me any prompt requests about Brynn, and we can create this universe together! 😘

Name: Brynn Noelle Schuyler-Dalton

Nickname: Brynny

FC: Victoria Pedretti (some of my older fics will have Carolina Porqueddu in the moodboard)

Birthday: December 21 🎄🎅🎁

Age: 27 during TNA; now 39

Hometown: Philadelphia, PA

Education: Bachelor's of Science in Biochemistry, Master's in Chemstry from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst

Brynn's original plan was to teach science due to her love for the subject and for children; when her Nana was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, simply sitting back and watching her deteriorate angered her; therefore she switched her focus to research; she even took a lab research position after graduation at MIT; the funding was pulled from her project after almost 2 years

Family: Kaye Schuyler (mom); Bryson Schuyler (older brother); Brynn's dad abandoned the family when was a little girl; the family moved in with Kaye's mother, Brynn's Nana; with only a high school diploma with no formal training, her mom quickly went from full-time homemaker to working two full-time jobs to make ends meet; she finally went back to school after Bryson and Brynn graduated high school; she now works on a pediatric floor as a registered nurse

Bryson is almost two years older than Brynn; he opted for trade school, becoming a mechanic on commercial vehicles; he still lives in Philadelphia, married to his high school sweetheart Laura with their three kids

Brynn and Bryson have had a conflicted relationship all of their lives; Brynn sees her older brother as lazy and unmotivated; Bryson sees Brynn as "the golden child": everything came easy to her, many things being handed to her

Former relationships: prior to Sam, Brynn has been in 2 relationships; she and her high school boyfriend Shane Sturgeon were inseparable much to her mother's discontent; he was 2 years older, in a band, and rocked some badass tattoos and piercings; then she dated her O-Chem TA Cody Blakenship; they moved in together after graduation, and he treated Brynn like gold; the only problem: he didn’t believe in marriage, and slowly a rift grew between them; the day she lost her job at MIT, she left him; 4 months later, she interviewed for a nanny position...

Current/Future relationship status: after almost a decade of marriage, Sam and Brynn divorced after she caught him cheating on her with the nanny; now she is dating a single father of two from her kids' prep school named Ian Kingsley; he is the co-chair of the department of sociology and anthropology at Bernard College in NYC

Children: twin step-sons: Michael “Mickey” Aaron (extroverted, very personable; athlete); and Mason Alexander (introverted; sensitive; incredible student, musician); 2 daughters: Olivia Noelle and Charlotte Amelia; there are 12 years between the boys and Livvy, and 5 years between Livvy and Charlie

Odds & Ends: 

She's 5 ft 2 in to Sam's 5 ft 10 in

Sensibly thrifty

Loves watching sports, especially Football and Baseball 🏈⚾️

12 piercings; 4 tattoos

Studied ballet growing up, starting at the age of 3 until she was 18; she now participates in a hip hop class twice a week

Abhors olives

Good friends with Tara Day-Mendez; Jenny has remained a loyal friend

Loves to run; has completed 4 marathons in her lifetime; enjoys participating in fun-runs with her family; she has dragged Sam to several mud-runs

Loves dogs (and animals in general!)

She's not a regular mom; she's a cool mom! She's actually quite involved with her kids, and volunteers for school events, class trips and bake sales where she can

Enjoys anything and all things live music

Prefers hard liquor

[sgmwesters]

╰ ❛ 💉 — › melisa asli pamuk. cis woman. she/her. . ╯ have you met meliha “millie” kaplan yet ? this thirty four year old capricorn has been living in the seattle area for two months. she makes a living as a fetal surgery attending, which is best suited for their direct, resourceful, ferocious, and secretive personality. ironic by alanis morissette is one of their favorite songs, and they’re written by em, 25, gmt, she/her, no triggers

B A S I C   I N F O R M A T I O N

full name: meliha leyla kaplan.

nickname(s): millie, mels.

age: thirty four (34).

date of birth: 11 january 1987, capricorn.

hometown: istanbul, turkey.

current location: seattle, washington.

ethnicity: caucasian.

nationality: turkish, uk citizenship.

gender: cis female.

pronouns: she/her.

orientation: she’s friends with olivia hayes, do with that information what you will.

religion: atheist.

political affiliation: n/a, cannot vote in the us.

occupation: fetal surgery attending.

living arrangements: large apartment.

language(s) spoken: english, turkish, french, dutch.

accent: a slight english accent on some words.

P H Y S I C A L    A P P E A R A N C E

face claim: melisa asli pamuk.

hair color: brown.

eye color: brown.

height: 5 ft 7.

weight: 122 lbs.

build: slender.

tattoos: none.

piercings: ears (multiple), nose.

clothing style: we love a powersuit vibe.

usual expression: softer than she would want it to be.

distinguishing characteristics: beauty spot under her lip.

H E A L T H

physical ailments: celiac.

neurological conditions: none.

allergies: nuts (highly allergic).

sleeping habits: not very well.

eating habits: again, not great.

exercise habits: does running away from your problems count?

emotional stability: sitting at a four currently, usually about a seven.

sociability: very sociable.

body temperature: colder than you think.

addictions: none.

drug use: experimented in college, but long stopped.

alcohol use: always.

P E R S O N A L I T Y

positive traits: direct, resourceful.

negative traits: ferocious, secretive.

fears: being alone.

F A V O U R I T E S

weather: leans towards warmer climates.

colour: red.

music: as long as it’s loud and she can sing along, she doesn’t mind.

movies: sleepless in seattle.

sport: netball.

beverage: vanilla milkshake.

food: chicken nuggets (but she’d lie and say it’s foie gras).

animal: horses, she had a couple growing up.

H E A D C A N O N S

meliha kaplan is the youngest of two children (with an older sister) born to a diplomat and a teacher in istanbul, turkey.

millie and her sister got the finest education her parents could afford to put them through during their time in turkey, which is where millie picked up the majority of her languages, and prides herself on the fact that she can speak them. she will use them as much as she can so that she doesn’t get rusty with them.

her family moved to england when she was thirteen following issues with both politics and her family. her parents kept her and her sister in the dark about the reasons behind the move, and to this day millie still isn’t sure - and she doesn’t want to know. she idolises both of her parents and wouldn’t want to ask questions that might change that.

millie worked hard during school to secure a place at cambridge university on their medicine programme, as she had always planned to do. that, and the fact that her sister had tried for the programme and not gotten on it also made her want it more.

while she was at cambridge, millie met olivia hayes through the universities support programme, wherein those in the years above were able to provide insights and tips to those in the years below.

although millie was a couple of years behind olivia, the two hit it off right away. it was almost troublesome how well the two got along, but thanks to cambridge, a lifelong partner-in-crime duo had been formed.

she’d been tempted to follow in the route of her friend with urology, but opted instead to specialise in fetal surgery, a specialism that she worked on in london, allowing her to be reunited with olivia who had finished at their alma mater a few years prior.

given the option to spread her wings further, millie was never going to turn it down. she applied for positions all over, internationally and in the uk, and was offered a position in new york - naturally, she was thrilled.

millie thrived in the city, being away from her family (further than she had been before) gave her a sense of freedom that she hadn’t felt properly before.

during her time in new york, millie reconnected thomas whitley. thomas was another attending at the hospital, and a friend that millie had known when she had first moved to england years prior. thomas had come from a strict catholic family, and found life in new york exciting as he was able to be himself - out and proud, and had a number of boyfriends that millie adored over the years to prove it.

in late 2016, thomas was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. both he and millie’s worlds shifted slightly, as they were confronted with his family coming out to new york to spend the last of thomas’s moments with him, still with no idea about his sexuality.

with that, thomas asked millie for a favor - millie was to pretend to be his girlfriend, which she didn’t mind doing. she was a free agent, and thomas was her best friend in the city - why wouldn’t she cover for him in the last moments of his life?

it was a fine plan, until his mother began to get very upset with the idea that her only son was not going to be married, that she would never be there for his big day: and an even bigger favor was asked of millie. thomas asked millie to marry him, and millie said yes. they married in early 2017.

the wedding wasn’t a large affair, mainly comprising of thomas’s friends and family since it was his last hurrah. they enjoyed the party, and despite the fact that there was no real love between them, millie had a good day as she chose to view it as a day celebrating their friendship.

they had thought thomas only had 12-18 months to live, but he managed to outlive the estimations, with thomas passing away three years after their fake marriage. within those three years, millie and thomas lived very much a “will & grace” style lifestyle, living in the same apartment but very much able to do as they wished - as if the rings on their fingers weren’t really there at all. it was all for show as his family has settled on living in the city with them (as not to miss his turn for the worst).

it’s now seven months after thomas passed away, and millie has outgrown her widow duties. she feels a fraud, with so many people believing in the marriage and that she was grieving for her husband, so has moved to seattle for something of a fresh start knowing that her friend olivia was to be there. millie feels guilty for having inherited thomas’s assets, especially since she didn’t see herself as a real wife. she has been spending the last couple of weeks getting herself settled, before starting her new job at seattle grace mercy west.

2 0 2 1    U P D A T E S

turned thirty four in january, i still can’t believe that we forgot about it @ angela

dating declan baker ?? about to be anyway it’s very early and actually quite sweet ??

she’s thriving and deserves the world that’s it that’s the 2021 update

more senior in the department than she was in the beginning i guess i wanna give her a bit more power cos i can

W A N T E D    C O N N E C T I O N S / P L O T S

always liked the idea of her dead husbands boyfriend, i feel like that could throw a few of the old curveballs into her life

maybe her older sister? would wanna talk it through first though thanks x

[mrssnider13]

Jason’s 40th Birthday

Jason and I have known each other since 1997-1998.

We dated on and off for several years and for several reasons.

In 2002 we both got involved with other people and we both ended up being parents in 2003 to Jason to Jason Jr and me to my son, Brison.

Jason and I reconnect on and off again over the next two years.

In Jan of 2007 I moved to KY and got married. I thought about Jason all the time. It never failed that every time I would come home to Ohio I would run into him at Walmart or the gas station. My 1st marriage was rough and we eventually separated in 2010 and in August of 2011 I moved back home to Ohio. It was that November that Jason got out of rehab and we connected on messenger. I was getting moved into my new apt and I asked Jason to help me move.... He moved in with me very soon after.

The first three years of our relationship were HARD to say the least! Jason worked so hard on his program and recovery, and working a job with anyone that would take him on, meetings, service/volunteer work, probation, court dates, license classes, restitution,  court and probation fees and so much more.

Were we ready to be in a relationship? NO! But God knew we had what it would take and we knew we couldn’t do it without God. God’s plans were so much bigger than ours!

In 2012 while pregnant with Olivia we almost called it quits. But thankfully we had family and friends that believed in us and encouraged us to persevere.

We have been tested beyond comprehension. On February 14th 2012 Jason went to probation and received a failed drug test. Our hearts sank but our spirits stood strong! We knew better and we prayed that God would reveal the truth. And a few LONG days later He did! After sending the test off to the lab they confirmed it was a clean test.

In March of 2013 we got married and 3 days later we had Olivia. Just a month later in April of 2013 God blessed Jason with his contracted job through P&G. This was HUGE for us! It was an affirmation from God. We were amazed.

In March of 2014 we were faced with another pregnancy. I was so scared and I didn’t want to be pregnant. We were in no financial situation to support a larger family and we lived in a 600 sq. ft. apartment. 12 weeks later I started bleeding and went to the doctor. It was then that we found out that we were pregnant with twins. Speaking for myself (and I’m sure Jason as well) I was terrified. I feared that I wouldn’t even carry them to term let alone deliver them and be able to provide for them.

We immediately starting looking for a bigger place to live but were faced with the limitations of finances. We prayed and searched and God again opened another door for us. We were blessed to find a 3 bedroom home to rent south of Hillsboro. We moved in November 1st 2014 and on Dec 26th we had the twins a month early. Happy, healthy and beautiful. Then we came home to our water being turn off. That was fun. But it was just a misunderstanding and things were fixed the next day.

Life was a challenge at this point. Money, sanity, sleep, faith, endurance, trust. Definitly one day at a time.

May 5th 2015 we were faced again with another test of faith. In a freak accident Jason severely injured, Izabelle, our 4 month old twin. She was air cared to Children’s hospital with a fractured skull and bleeding on her brain. CPS met us that the ICU waiting room. Jason was beside him self, worried sick about his baby girl and not caring about what was about to happen to him. The interrogation was intense and all I wanted to do was be with my daughter at the moment. CPS just wanted the truth and the truth sounded far fetched. By the grace of God Izzy spent 3 days in ICU and was moved to a regular room for 2 days and got to come home. Jason on the other hand faced the judge. I thank God every day that the truth was again revealed and Jason only received 12 weeks of anger management. It could have been so much worse. But what was so incredibly hard was that for 12 weeks Jason couldn’t live with us and he could only see us in public or supervised visitations. That was a LONG 3 months!!! Thankfully we had family and friends to help me with the girls but I would have much rather had my husband. God knew what Jason needed and we trusted that. We were SO GLAD to have him home!

Life seemed good for awhile. Then in the summer of 2016 we faced another trial that turned our world upside down. All we could do is trust God and be still. Pray and trust and only move when God lead us to. We recovered the best we could and somewhat moved on.

Then the tides started to change a little. We were blessed in 2016 with the opportunity to buy the home we were renting. We bought our first home yall!   4-5 years prior..... that seemed unimaginable, let alone possible.

Once again life settled for a minute and after 2 years of Jason begging and much needed prayer on my end we decided to try for another baby. Jason hoped for a boy. I hoped for just one LOL. In Sept 2017 I got pregnant with our 6th. In Nov (just two months later) God revealed to us yet more affirmation! He had blessed Jason with a position at P&G as a P&G employee and not just a contracted worker. Once again we were elated and blessed beyond what we deserved. Then in May 2018 we were blessed again with ONE chubby baby GIRL!

We have had our ups and downs like everyone but for the most part life was GREAT! We worked hard, played hard and lived well. For about a year... Then the trails came 3 at a time. In 2019 I lost my mamaw in April, Jason lost one of his best friends in May and then we all lost Jason’s mom in June. Why God, crossed my mind multiple times a day. To say that I was worried about Jason in the midst of my own heartache would be an understatement. I had to let go and let God have him and I knew it. There was nothing I could but be there. Jason was so strong! He gave the eulogy at both my mamaw and his mom’s funeral. Neither one could have been done any better or anymore heart felt and passionate.

Jason inherited his mom’s place and we picked up our kiddos and moved. There was a lot of transitions, change and adjusting for all of us. The girls had a very hard time with all the grief and loss but received group counseling that changed their lives for the better. It wasn’t until a year later that our other home sold. As much as it hurt, so much of all of it is a blur. 

And yet, here we are today....... It’s hard for me to even wrap my mind around all that we’ve been through and all that God has helped us overcome.

I told you all some of our story to tell you this.....

Yes, we have suffered, but there is no one else that I would have rather suffered with than my husband, Jason. Yes, we have lost much. Yes, we have failed ourselves, failed each other and others. Yes, we have been hurt and lost....... but....... here we stand, still together and even stronger and closer than before. ONLY by the grace of God. We suffer for the glory of God, for the deepening of our faith in Him and for the testimony to share God’s love and hope with others.

I thank God for Jason. He’s a great man of God, he has a servant’s heart, he’s a hard worker and he provides for his family - not only what we need but then some. He loves his kids in a way I can’t even describe. His love is unconditional and intentional for sure. He leaves me with no doubts that he loves me faithfully. On this earth he is my rock and my refuge. He is a gift from God sent just for me. I love and cherish him with everything I have and I often wish I could be and give more to him.  

But before I get too mushy I just want to say Thank you to everyone in our lives that have helped sustain us through the bad times and celebrated with us in the good times.

Jason, I hope you feel all the love being given to you this day. You deserve it and so much more. I love you! Happy Birthday!

[iwontdancenetwork]

Unbraced: a film by Cara Scott | “These Days” by EMERYLD

UNBRACED, was created out of a mission to empower and encourage a sense of community among those affected by scoliosis. 

The StraightForward Scoliosis Foundation collaborated with director, Cara Scott, by reflecting on her personal background as a dancer prior to undergoing a spinal fusion surgery. Given the director’s background and Foundation’s combined goal of promoting scoliosis awareness through art, they gathered a group of dancers ranging from 19-40 years old to share their personal struggle with scoliosis through movement. It was important for them to capture the movement of other dancers who have experienced, lived with, and have continued to move with scoliosis in the expression of their art form. In further developing this project, they received an outpour of individuals sharing similar stories for the first time, including the musical artist of this song, Emeryld.

This film is a token of appreciation for the strength and vulnerability of the women in this film and the greater scoliosis community.   

ft. dancers: Taryn Kaschock Russell, De’ja Robinson, Ellexis Hatch, Olivia Sparling, Brat

[yutasbirthchin]

It’s Complicated

Text AU ft BAP and BTOB - Part 56

Previous / Next

a/n: Now you get to know the story of Jongup and Olivia... If you’re a sap like me you’ll probably need some tissues 

He knocked on the door, not sure whether he expected a response or not. He didn't get one. “Hey Liv, you awake?” Still no response. Jongup pushed the door open slowly repeating her name but frowned when he'd fully opened the door. She wasn't in there. He walked in and peered through the open door of the en suite bathroom, she wasn't there either. “Huh.” He said aloud. He retraced his steps out into the main room of the cabin they'd rented but he definitely hadn't walked past her.

Finally his eyes landed on the double doors, specifically the familiar figure on the other side. He panicked, rushing out onto the patio. “Jesus fucking Christ, Liv.” He started as he got outside. He realised what she was looking at, and momentarily froze as the emotions hit him. He forced the pain away to regain his composure and carried on towards her, grabbing her arm and pulling her back slightly. “I told you, you aren't allowed out here unless I'm with you!”

His voice was raised but it didn't phase her. She turned slowly back to him. “The stairs.” Olivia said, her eyes meeting his. To anyone else this would have been a random statement, but Jongup knew it was a question and a heavy one at that. He didn't trust his voice so he just nodded. Olivia watched him carefully. She may not be the person she once used to be but the one thing that hadn't changed was her ability to read Jongup. Seeing the pain in his eyes she realised why he had tried to convince her otherwise, why he had said this was a bad idea and she felt guilty. “I’m sorry. I wanted to do this for me but I didn't realise it affected you so much.”

Jongup was feeling so many emotions he didn't know what the predominant one was and he suddenly regretted not mentioning this trip to his therapist, this could mess him up even more. “Hey, remember when I said I had a weird vision thing?” Olivia asked, changing the subject. It caught Jongup off guard.

“Yeah?” He questioned, glad that his voice hadn’t failed him.

“I might have lied about you not knowing the person.” She admitted. Jongup narrowed his eyes, he could sense where this conversation was going and he didn’t know how he felt about it. He didn't say anything. Olivia didn’t know how to word it and so she didn’t say anything either. They stood looking at each other, in silent conversation. When she turned to look at the baluster Jongup got all the confirmation he needed. He felt sick through his stomach. “Can we go and sit there?” Olivia asked and he shook his head.

“I can’t.” He said, his voice cracking. “I can’t.”

***

“Hey, come here.” Jongup said as he sat at the baluster at the end of the balustrade.

Olivia cocked her head to the side, a smile on her face. “Why should I?”

Jongup mock sighed, getting up and walking over to her, wrapping his arms loosely around her waist. “Because I asked nicely, and the view is nice.” He replied, looking down at her with a smirk.

“Sounds good, let’s go.” She said, pushing him slightly so he would walk backwards.

“You made me walk all the way over here just to walk back?” He asked, not taking his eyes off of her as they made there way back to sit down.

“You did that yourself, I didn’t make you.”

“You’re so difficult.”

“I try to be.” She said with a smirk. Jongup had finally reached the baluster again, sitting on it and pulling her between his legs. She looked at the view of the beach in the distance. It was a nice view but Jongup hadn’t stopped looking at her. She frowned. “I thought you said the view is nice?”

“It is?”

“Then why aren’t you looking at it?”

“Because I found something prettier.” He answered, making her blush. Olivia didn’t think she could take it anymore.

She had liked Jongup for as long as she could remember. Although she wasn’t sure of his feelings at first, in the last few months the dynamic of their friendship had changed dramatically to the point where it was obvious. She was sure there was no way he would flirt with her as much as he did without liking her back. He hadn’t confessed, but she decided that last comment was as best as she would get. That and the fact that she didn’t think she would be able to hold in her feelings anymore.

Olivia placed her hands on Jongup’s cheeks as she looked up at him. His eyes falling to her lips was all the confirmation she needed and she leant forward to kiss him. Jongup was on fire. His best friend, Olivia Shin, the girl he’s been crazy about for a year, is kissing him. He smiled into the kiss moving his hands from the small of her back to grip her hips as he kissed her.

***

He kept shaking his head. “I can’t, Liv.” Jongup tried his hardest to keep the tears back. “I.. I think I’m going to throw up.” He said, letting go of her and rushing back inside to the bathroom.

The sound of a bang followed by a faint curse startled Daehyun awake and Youngjae chuckled at him. “You jump too easily.” Daehyun turned in Youngjae’s arms to face him.

“How long have you been awake?” He asked, groggily.

“A while.”

“Good morning.” Daehyun said with a smile.

“Good morning, Dae.” Youngjae replied, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Daehyun smiled wider, snuggling into his boyfriend more.

“What was that bang?” He asked, slightly muffled but Youngjae heard him anyway.

“Just Olivia.”

“I’ve never met anyone that clumsy, I think she’s redefined the word.” It was a light joke but Youngjae didn’t even crack a smile and it concerned him. “What’s wrong?”

Youngjae sighed. “Nothing.”

“Is it a medical condition or something?”

“Sort of.” Youngjae answered. Daehyun didn’t reply, leaving an opportunity for him to continue. “I’m not an expert on it because I didn’t want to push Jongup too much but a year ago she had an accident and it left her with a traumatic brain injury. Some of the side effects are bad coordination and occasional blurry vision, dizziness or seeing double which is the reason she's so clumsy.”

“Oh.” Was Daehyun's response, there wasn't really much else he could say. “It must have been a bad accident.”

“It was. Remember when me and Jongup disappeared for two months a year ago because of a ‘family emergency’?”

“Shit. It was because of that?”

“Yeah. It was bad. She suffered the physical trauma and he suffered the psychological trauma.”

“Wouldn't she suffer both?”

“If she remembered the accident she would, but she doesn't so her psychological trauma is pretty tame.”

“Is that why you hide the picture of them from him?”

Youngjae nodded. “Yeah. I didn't actually know they were still friends all this time, but they took the picture right before it happened… Jongup is barely surviving and if he saw that… I don't know what it would do to him.”

Daehyun thought for a moment before he sat up to grab his phone. He scrolled up through his and Youngjae's messages to find where he had sent the picture and redownloaded it. “I was right.” He said, a frown forming on his face as he looked down at his boyfriend.

“What?”

“This picture… it was taken right outside here.”  He answered, pointing in the general direction of the patio and balustrade outside.

Youngjae sighed, nodding his head. “Yeah.”

Jongup had come out of the bathroom to find Olivia sat on the floor waiting for him. He’d ignored her questions, instead focusing on their plans for today once his brother and Daehyun got up. She didn't argue with him, he'd already spent five minutes throwing up and didn't want to push her luck. She’d decided to try again later.

Now was later.

They were sat on the beach, side by side with feet in the water. Youngjae and Daehyun were further up the beach in their own little world. Olivia watched them. “They're cute together.”

“I know, it only took a year for my stupid brother to realise he was gay and had feelings for him.”

“Well, they're together now, that's all that matters, right?”

“Yeah.” Jongup smiled.

They fell into a comfortable silence but she was nervous. How can she word what she was about to say?

“Up?”

“Yeah, Liv?”

She sighed. “I know I'm really forgetful and clumsy et cetera et cetera but… do you really think I can't tell when you're lying to me? Or hiding something from me?”

He frowned at her “What do you mean?”

“Jongup, this whole year… I've known. I know there's something that you aren't telling me. Why? Why won't you tell me what it is?” Jongup regretted coming here. He knew it was a bad idea, which is why he didn't tell his therapist and even with the comfort of his brother it wasn't helping. Olivia wasn't helping. “Jongup?”

He snapped, his emotions all coming out at once. “Because I don't want to remember. Okay? I don't want to remember. That was the best weekend of my life which turned into my worst nightmare, why the fuck would I want to remember it?” He rested his head in his hands, tears pouring from his eyes. “You were right there in my arms and then you weren't. You stepped away and you slipped and you fell and I saw it. I watched you fall down those fucking stairs and there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing! I thought you fucking died Olivia! You weren't moving and there was blood everywhere and I was all alone and I thought you were dead. Did you ever think about me? Ever? About what I went through? It fucked me up, Olivia. I've been seeing a therapist for almost a year and I still can't sleep at night without taking the strongest sleeping pills they prescribe. But even then I still have fucking nightmares. I try so hard to forget it. So fucking hard. But I can't. I don't want to remember what fucking happened. Okay?”

Olivia wiped her tears. She was stunned, she didn't know what to say or do. “Jongup, I-”

“Do you know what the icing on the cake is?” He asked, his words barely distinguishable through his sobs. “You don't even remember any of that weekend. None of it.”

“The kiss.” She said, remembering the random memory that had been returned to her a few weeks prior. “We kissed, I remember that.”

Jongup knew this. It was what had made him sick in the morning. The thought that suddenly Olivia had remembered their first kiss was too overwhelming for him.

But it wasn't enough for him. “That's the only thing you remember.” He said as he got up. His head was swirling and he didn't think he could take it anymore. Olivia watched him leave, not knowing what to do.

“Hey.” Youngjae said as he opened the door to Jongup’s room and sat down on the bed next to his brother. Jongup was face down on the bed, letting the pillow soak up his tears. “You know, I don't think I ever thanked you for what you did for me. When I had my mental breakdown, I mean. You were worried about me and were there caring for me the whole time. Thank you. You're an annoying little shit but you've always been there for me, even though you had your own issues to deal with. Thank you.”

He rested a hand on his brothers back, rubbing it. “When you think about it we both deal with our problems the same way. We hide them. We keep them in, to ourselves and try to deal with them on our own. It's a bad habit really. Not that my internal crisis really equates to psychological trauma but you know what I mean. But when I was going through all that you got to know what it's like to be on the other end of it. To be the worried friend or relative. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, I'm telling you because I want you to know that I feel the same. I care about you and I worry sick about you. Olivia knows now and she's feels same. Daehyun doesn't fully know but he feels the same. We are here for you and we love you.”

Youngjae watched as Jongup’s hand blindly grabbed around before finding his. He squeezed his little brothers hand. “I always thought this was a bad idea. I know it was her idea and not yours, but she didn't realise that you've been suffering too this whole time. You probably should have told her from the beginning and maybe you could have worked through it together, but maybe that's what you can start from now. I'm sure you must feel guilty about what happened even though it wasn't your fault and you couldn't do anything about it. I also know that me saying it might not do much but… it wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong and there's nothing different you could have done. So please don't blame yourself, Jongup.

I know you love her. She was telling me and Dae about all the things you do for her. That you've filled her apartment with sticky notes reminding her of things to do, that you've given her a notebook with a weekly plan in it that she can carry around with her, that you text her every morning reminding her of her schedule for the day, that you carry around a spare t-shirt for her and that you've caught her and stopped her from tripping more times than she can count. She told us you took her for a bike ride for almost two hours just because she missed riding a bike and she can't do it anymore. And that isn't even the half of it. You do so much for her it's amazing Jongup, honestly. I wish I can care for Daehyun even just half as much as you care for her. And goddamn I don't know how you managed to do all of that for her whilst trying to deal with me at the same time. You're really something, bro.

It's okay to be broken, it's okay to hurt, it's okay to be vulnerable. Please let us take care of you like you take care of everyone else.” Jongup pulled his hand away from Youngjae and pushed himself up, turning to face his brother. Youngjae chuckled. “Jesus Christ did I look that bad?”

Jongup laughed too, shaking his head. “You definitely looked worse.” Youngjae held his arms out and Jongup moved into them, hugging him. “Thank you.” Jongup said.

“Don’t mention it.”

“It hurts so bad.” He mumbled into his brothers shoulder.

“I don’t doubt that.”

“I just wished she would remember.”

Youngjae didn’t understand. “What? The accident?”

He shook head. “No, no of course not. Everything else.”

“Well, what else happened?”

Jongup sighed. “A lot. So much happened Youngjae. I don’t even know where to start.” Youngjae could feel Jongup’s tears and rubbed his back. “That stupid t-shirt I carry around for her… I… of course I carry it around because she might need it but the reason I always give her the same t-shirt is because she would always tell me how much she loved it and would steal it from me one day, so I gave it to her. And then she wakes up from her coma and gives it back to me saying it must have been in her things by mistake. I just want her to remember that. I want her to remember all the stupid shit we did together, like when we went to the funfair nearby. She had the biggest smile on her face the whole time. Or when we just sat and watched Disney movies all night because she wanted to.”

Youngjae could only just make out what his brother was saying and he tried to calm him down. “Hey, it's okay.”

“I want her to remember that she's my fucking girlfriend, Youngjae. Do you know what that feels like? I'd liked her for ages and ages and we had our first kiss here and we had so many good memories. I finally worked up the courage to confess and ask her to be my girlfriend and she said yes but she doesn't even remember. She has no idea.”

[wanlidas-archive]

OLIVIA ft. her family & addiction.

“you’re the only one who even remembered it was my one year sobriety coming up. i get it, they’re busy. this time of year is always bad because of playoffs and my mom has her DA campaigns..’  [ you have to tell your parents and jordan that you are struggling. ]   “no, no.. it’ll just hurt them.” [  it’s hurting you.  ] 

olivia really, really tries to excuse her family for their absence in her life by constantly making excuses for them or justifying the reason they’ve hurt her.  she often feels invisible within her own family and like her presence doesn’t matter,  so she tells herself it’s just because they’re busy and she’s not allowed to be mad at them  ——-   but that’s the root of the problem.  trying to justify it or making up excuses for them is only going to make her feel worse and worse even if she doesn’t realize that’s what she’s doing.  and it’s because her heart is so big and because she cares so much about them that she’s so scared to admit she’s hurting by it because she doesn’t want to blame them for her own sadness even if it starts with them.  burdening them with her pain feels like it’s only going to hurt them more,  and she’s already done that by nearly dying. but that’s the problem.  the fact that they don’t see she’s hurting and they don’t reach out to her while she’s so desperately trying to keep it all in and not show them she’s struggling again,  it’s only going to farther deteriorate her mental state. 

it’s nice to see other people start to reach out to her,  but it can only go so far,  because her real issue is that she desperately needs her family,  and they’re not by her side.  they love her so much and they do support her,  she has never doubted their love for her or anything of the sort,  but she is always comparing it to their love for jordan.  and not in the sense that she thinks they love her more,  but she thinks they pay more attention to him  /  let him get away with more because he’s the star athlete of the house,  he’s following in his father’s footsteps,  he has a goal to strive for that they can watch progress and be proud of him for it. they’re twins,  they grew up together,  but they went in separate directions despite having been close most of their lives.  she doesn’t feel like she’s on the same level as him,  even when she is putting herself in the exact position to be the person people pay attention to.  her parents left town AGAIN and it crushed her,  so to deal with that pain,  she threw a party,  because at least being the party girl was a title only she could have,  and jordan couldn’t take that from her  ——-  except,  his presence there was still enough to take the attention back away from her.  it was just a reminder that people appreciated him more than her,  that they cared about him more or that they thought he was more exciting,  something she always felt she wasn’t and part of the reason she had been drawn to the party lifestyle to begin with.

“you guys are all so goal oriented. you live in the future, always focused on the next game, next campaign. it’s like you don’t see the details in the present. the thing is, i live in the present. why do you think i started doing drugs in the first place? at least being the party girl was something. then you just threw money at the problem, sent me off to rehab,  and poof,  i’m magically fixed.”

i’ve actually been speculating about this for a while and writing this as such but her parents really did believe that they did the right thing and that sending her off to rehab was the most that they could do.  instead of brushing it off,  instead of worrying about whatever reputation may form because of their daughter in rehab,  they sent her there after she overdosed because it was the right thing to do.  and it was,  because that was the only way for olivia to get better  ——-  both in terms of being sober and in terms of knowing what was right for her.  she doesn’t resent them for making that decision because she knows it was the right one,  and she even says that if someone were to try to help her in any other way,  she still would have kept doing it.  but sending her off to rehab wasn’t the most they could do  ——-  it didn’t fix the root of the problem,  which was that she just wanted her family to take care of her.  not a bunch of strangers who could help her on a physical and mental level,  but her parents and her brother who really needed to be there for her on an emotional level.  =

she built her hopes up high when she was in rehab.  she convinced herself that now that she had nearly died from this and now that she was getting so much better,  her family would see that she needs them and they would make a better effort.  except,  nothing really changed that much.  they didn’t shy away from telling her they loved her nor attempting to be there for her,  but it wasn’t what she expected or what she really needed.  she and jordan had pulled away from each other  ——-   both olivia’s attempt because of her guilt for sleeping with his best friend,  and jordan’s inability to cope with the fact that he found olivia almost dead.  her parents hadn’t changed that much,  still incredibly busy with all they have to do  ——  stuff she certainly doesn’t resent them for,  because she’s always been proud of everything her mother has accomplished and she’s proud and grateful that her father has gotten himself back on his feet after leaving the NFL & finding his bearings as a high school coach.  but she still feels empty with them.  sometimes it’s worse than before,  because she feels really empty around them.  she had made so much progress and she did that all on her own.  she was making an active effort to stay sober so that they could be proud of her for something,  but it always seemed to go unnoticed.  she was begging them to ask her if she was okay or to tell her that they could see how well she was doing trying to be better,  but it never came.

she doesn’t have the title of ‘ party girl ‘ anymore,  and she’s glad for it,  but now she is  ‘ rehab girl ‘  and that’s a stigma she can joke about but it only masks the pain she really feels about it.  she’s constantly worried that that’s how her family sees her too,  that she is just a burden in this family because she is a problem child who had been sent to rehab at 16 and that she’s failed them.  she wants them to want to take care of her,  but she doesn’t want to ask for it.  so sometimes,  she’s passive aggressive instead.  when she sticks to her mother’s side because she wants her mom to take care of her,  but when she does something that alludes to being busy or having things to do,  olivia makes passive aggressive comments to her in spite of the fact that she’s doing something else rather than paying attention to her family.  and laura is absolutely not an absentee mother,  she’s still very much involved in her kids lives,  but olivia feels left out because she doesn’t have anything her mother is taking the time out of her day to do ——  not like the way she makes time for jordan and billy’s football games and things of the sort.  so when she doesn’t get that time for her mother’s attention to be completely on her,  she gets sad.  

obviously,  this all only gets worse when billy reaches out to spencer.  and it’s not because of who spencer is,  because olivia already has a good relationship with him.  it might have been different if he was asked to live with them before olivia got to know him,  but he had already made a good impression on her.  that hard part about this was that her father was suddenly so fixated on this random kid that no one knew,  and he was paying more attention to him ——  seemingly both on the field and off  (  something both the baker twins were struggling with.  )  olivia commended her father for this and respected him so much for caring for this person, because she knew it was the right thing to do,  but she also longed to have that kind of attention too.  she could see that jordan was struggling with it too,  and it was easier to show their father that he was hurting both of them rather than just pointing out that he was hurting her only.  there was some kind of comfort in knowing that she and her brother were both struggling with this,  because for once,  she didn’t feel alone in it  ——  but she hated that her brother was struggling at all,  too,  so it pushed her to actually say something to her father.

"post rehab,  spencer is the only person who asked me if i was really okay.  all of you just assumed i was and just moved on.”

spencer caught her eye immediately because he was new,  and he had no recollection of who she had been after her reputation had been shattered months prior.  everyone already knew her as the party girl turned rehab girl,  and though she wanted to make a new name for herself,  it was hard in the environment she was in.  spencer go to meet who she was before he had to know who she had been before.  she was honest with him about his past because she knew he wouldn’t be able to escape it if people saw him hanging around her,  and because she already felt comfortable enough with him to know that it was okay to be vulnerable with him,  even if she hid that behind a mask of brushing it off lightly.  his first response was to ask her if she was okay after all of that,  and that is part of why she develops a crush on him so early on  ——  he notices her.  not in the way she wants him to,  but he does,  and that’s more than she can say for her family at this point.  she’s back from rehab,  sober,  and she's doing better,  so they want to believe that’s all there is to it,  that she is going to continue being fine and everything is fixed now.  but olivia is well aware that it can’t just be fixed and that she will always be an addict,  so hearing someone actually,  genuinely ask if she’s okay is refreshing to her.  she clings to that in spencer and wants to spend more time with it because when he’s looking at her,  he sees her.  again,  not in the way she wanted to at that point,  but it’s so refreshing to her.  a part of her may always be drawn to him for that,  but mostly,  she does think of him as family now,  and that’s true again when he reaches out to her to make sure she’s okay after her family has brushed her off all day.  spencer is incredibly important in her support system and in her ability to cope.

“today, i literally find one bottle of pills, and it’s like i’m back to 2017 me. why?”   [ dig deep. figure out what demons got stirred up for you. ]

drugs were her coping mechanism.  drugs were an escape from the emptiness she felt inside her own family.  the persona she put on whenever she was using was someone she clung to because it meant people were paying attention to her.  drugs were a way of pretending that she wasn’t alone when she felt so lost amongst her family.  all she ever wanted was for her family to take care of her and to love her and to not be afraid to show it.  any sort of sudden absence of inability to notice her presence may always be a trigger for her,  even when things are better between all of them and they’re making an active effort to pay more attention to her and care for her more.  it’s always going to be there on the back of her mind and it’s always going to be terrifying to her.  

[veridium]

“Comparing Notes”

Cassandra and Theia, ft. Josephine and Olivia

Summary: Some good friendly banter between the good friends as they watch their partners converse over Orleisian politics. I’ve always wanted to write this dynamic so here it goes!

--

The day was young, the dawn rising every warm body out of bed for another day of work at Skyhold. The Ambassador’s office didn’t need much time, though, to send for Olivia and Cassandra, sending an assistant directly to Cassandra’s quarters as soon as day broke. The two women were suspicious, but nevertheless showed up with open minds and sleepy faces: Cassandra, already in her day armor, and Olivia wearing one of her work dresses.When they arrived, Lady Josephine was sitting at her desk, her elbows on the table with her hands clasped in front of her face. She was grinning as Theia stood at her side, arms gathered behind her back. They looked fresh-faced for the early morning. 

“Ah, wonderful, you received my message!” Josephine leaned upright in her seat. “Come, come, I have much to discuss with the both of you.”

Olivia smiled, always easily moved by Josephine’s kind tact. “Of course, Ambassador, I would not have us keep you waiting.” At once, she approached her desk, standing directly in front of her as they embarked on the conversation at hand.

Cassandra, meanwhile, lagged behind, standing a couple yards from the desk. Something told her this was an Orleisian matter, and it made her hesitant to deliberate such a topic so early in the day. Seeing her reluctance to engage, Theia smirked, and meandered her way over to her friend’s side. She stood at her side facing her, and offered a piece meal smile. 

“If you think she has you up early with this lofty talk, you should have been there when we first awoke,” she played. Indeed, if Josephine Montilyet was anything, she was an early riser in both mind and body. It was one of the things Theia loved to be annoyed by. 

“I see,” Cassandra grinned slightly, “Well, Olivia will be much more proficient in this discourse than I. Why summon us both?” 

“She is sending you both to the Capitol for business. There are some suspicious activities going on with some aristocratic tradesmen, and Leliana suspects collusion with Venatori. That is why you will be going, to ensure Olivia’s protection whilst she manages the dirtier details.”

Cassandra’s brow furrowed. “Can you not send guards or a security detail?”

Theia’s lips parted, and she held her breath for a moment. It wasn’t that they couldn’t do so -- that was most definitely an option on the table -- but it was Theia’s personal insistence that it be this way. 

“Cassandra,” Theia exhaled the tension from her ribs, “Now that you and Olivia have...established, yourselves, I see no one better suited besides myself to ensure her safety. We still have a while before we are prepared to embark on the Wastes. I trust you will remain on top of your duties whilst traveling for lighter tasks.”

The Seeker lowered her chin, noticing the hushed tone the Inquisitor had adopted whilst Josephine and Olivia talked out loud rather gregariously. Her eyes flickered over to them: Olivia’s animated hands as she discussed some mouse-brained noble, Josephine smiling with critical pleasure. It was hard to believe she was experiencing such a sight: both her woman, and the Inquisitor’s, in the same place and time. Not to long ago she thought such a reality was impossible. 

“I will do as you ask, Inquisitor. Rest assured, she has the dedication of every inch of my person to her welfare.”

Theia smiled with relief, reaching a hand and lightly patting Cassandra’s shoulder. “That is what I like to hear from my most trusted friend.” She then turned to stand parallel to her, folding her arms with a new confidence in her posture. The women then both turned their attention to their lovers who were seemingly hip-deep in intrigue and gossip. It was quite a pleasant sight for an otherwise fatigued dawn. 

Taking it all in for a spare moment, Theia smirked under her breath. “To think, a month or two ago I would have never thought this to be feasible. You surprised everyone, Seeker, even your friend who thought she understood everything about your character.”

Cassandra did not turn her head, but she did offer a smile on the corner of her mouth. “I still have the potential for impulsiveness, at times.”

“Yes, but I don’t think she is a proof of your impulsiveness, my friend. I think, instead, she is evidence to the power of your intention, even as you are being proven misguided in your convictions.”

Cassandra chuckled low. “You are one to talk, Inquisitor.”

“Oh, yes, of course I am,” Theia’s eyes went to Josephine, and she could feel her heart ache with devotion seeing the way her mannerisms gracefully formulated themselves in her face. The way the light through the window refracted low colors of blue and green in her eyes, the way her brow furrowed when she was in the middle of making a most cunning point. 

“What did it for you, Seeker?” she asked quietly, her head leaning towards her from the side as she spoke quietly in the direction of her ear. 

Cassandra heard the question and was a bit unnerved by it -- such honesty and candid emotions were not uncommon between her and her friend, the Inquisitor, but being asked by Olivia’s closest friend was a bit daunting. It was as if she was being tested, albeit with the best intentions. 

But, then, her eyes locked on Olivia across the way. She watched her, and her breathing stilled. She was talking, telling some outlandish story, with her hands in the air waving in circles as she illustrated it. Her eyes were slightly glowing with honey metallic shades, her spirit lively even with just being asleep a half hour prior. Then, she did that thing -- one of those things Cassandra’s heart always skipped when she witnessed it -- she sent both hands deep into her waves of blonde hair, pushing them out of her face. As she did so, she smiled broadly, the dimples on either cheek out for all to see. She glowed, not in an artificial or overpowering way, but the way someone did when their heart was the most sincerely kind, her spirit matching its wholesomeness. 

She blinked, feeling captivated beyond propriety. 

Theia tilted her chin and gazed at her friend from her periphery, and it took everything in her not to start laughing with joyous compassion. She held her reaction in, waiting for the astute answer she thought she could always depend on Cassandra to provide. Turns out, she may have found the one person to throw a wrench in that consistency. 

The Seeker then took a breath, and cleared her throat quietly. 

“I suppose,” she adjusted her shoulders, “it would be the strength and brilliance of her character, Inquisitor.” 

Theia nodded a few times, amused, but not convinced. Witnessing such a loss of sense in a fleeting moment gave her the true answer to her inquiry. 

“Sure, Seeker. That was it.” 

Cassandra’s eyes narrowed a bit. “Inquisitor. I can be both beguiled by her beauty and her intellect!”

The elevated voice broke the discrete ambiance of their dialogue, and whilst Cassandra looked directly at Theia, both Josephine and Olivia turned and gazed at them, breaking their conversation at once. The silence in the room illuminated the truth of their dual discussions. Olivia, making eye contact with Cassandra, put her hand to her mouth to suppress her laughter.

Josephine lowered a brow, eyeing Theia with suspicion. “My Love, what on Earth are you sparring about?”

Theia’s expression turned to one of culpable mischief, and she shrugged. “Nothing, my dear. Just some friendly banter, is all.”

“Yes,” Cassandra followed up quickly, “nothing to worry about.”

Olivia burst out laughing then, unable to hold it in any longer. The “caught with our pants down” expression on her friend and her woman were insurmountable comedy. Then Josephine, in a small departure from decorum, started chuckling as well. Olivia’s laughter was infectious, especially when it was uninhibited. 

“Theia,” Olivia said melodically as she laughed, “leave Cassandra alone, would you? She faces enough argumentative questions from me in her day.”

Theia shook her head, her smile widening. “As you wish, Gem. Anything for you.” She invoked her nickname from their rebel days, and it always made Olivia feel bittersweetly touched. 

“Oh, you follow her directions the first time she dictates them?” Josephine quipped, watching as Theia made her way back over to her side, standing tall even for being caught in her machinations. Theia placed a hand on Josephine’s shoulder as penance, and promptly lowered herself and kissed the side of her head. “My Love, do not be offended. Only you have my soul’s devotion, surely.”

Watching them quarrel, Cassandra shook her head. She then turned and gazed back at Olivia, who’s wide smile was a recovery from her laughter. They exchanged a knowing look; seeing the way she lit up the room, the Seeker sneaked a smile her way. Interrogation or not, she knew there was no secret as far as Olivia was concerned.

[xskippingheartbeats-blog]

i just wanna keep calling your name

until you come back home.

who: olivia barone, ft. cameron bautista. what: olivia finally gets the divorce papers in the mail, the realization hitting her hard a/n: this is primarily a para sample but also ? the fckn tswizzle song shuffled and here i am two hours later.

The document lay on the coffee table, exactly where she had left it three hours prior. Ripped open in some sort of daze, she hadn’t quite been prepared for what the contents held, despite knowing that it was, of course, inevitable.  Divorce. At twenty four, her life already seemed over. 

It wasn’t as if she hadn’t seen it coming. Weeks, months, maybe even as far back as last year - the distance, the fights, the miscommunication. The affair hadn’t even been enough to pull her away from him, not entirely, but he had made the choice for them. Hadn’t even bothered to try and fight for her.  Why should she fight for him? (Because she loved him. She missed him. Every fiber of her body ached with misery when she pictured him across town in a hotel, shacked up with his agent, listening to her tell him how perfect he was, how he was someone, how he needed someone just as talented as he was to keep up with him. Lose the wife, Cameron, she’ll weigh you down. She’s a failure, a disappointment, she’s going nowhere. Leave her the house, clear out the bank accounts, disappear. 

Send her the divorce papers a week later, an offer she can’t refuse, something she’ll have to sign. Clean cut. End of story. Onto the next chapter.) 

The first bottle of vodka had left her dizzy, her cell phone in hand as she hovered above his name, daring herself to press ‘call’, to tell him exactly what she thought. How he could go fuck himself for doing this to her, that giving her the house they had bought together didn’t make up for his absence, that she didn’t even want it if he wasn’t there with her - as if she could stomach sleeping in their bed, how she’d taken to sleeping on the couch but even that had too many memories - 

But she needed the townhouse. Her bartending gig left her barely scraping together loose ends, and at least it had been paid for already. (His money, she knew. It was always his money.) 

The second bottle left her miserable, sitting on the kitchen floor sobbing. Broken glass scattered the floor, alcohol seeping into the tiles, but she couldn’t get herself to move. Alone, abandoned. A failure in love, a failure in life, a failure in every sense of the word. 

She thought, briefly, about going home. Heading back to Jersey, tail between her legs, the soft sheets she’d slept in since she was 13 awaiting for her. Her mother would take her in with open arms, her father stroking her hair as he passed by the kitchen table. Her sisters would take her out for drinks, talk shit about Cam as if they hadn’t doted on him at the wedding two years before. As if they hadn’t once said the two of them were made for each other. 

As if they weren’t making successes of their own lives. 

But Jersey hadn’t been home in a long time, not since she was 19. She’d spent her whole life trying to flee, and now she had what she wanted. 

(Or, she’d had it. Now she just had the first floor of a townhouse apartment to her name and a wedding ring taunting her on top of the dresser.) 

It wasn’t until nearly 5am that she finished reading the papers, not even a personalized letter from him (none since the last, the one that said he was gone, the one that said he was done) and her heart sank as she reached for a pen, the cap scattered somewhere along the messy floor, signing away where the stickers denoted she had to.

Four years, two married. Gone, done, ended. No hope, no chance of reuniting. Shoving the documents (legally binding, freeing her of a sham of a marriage) into the return envelope, she deposited them in the mailbox just as the sun began to rise, the sparkle of golden light illuminating the quiet street. 

Hope, maybe. A brighter future now, possibly. 

Once she moved on from the love of her life, at least.

[zealoptics]

The Imaginary 

Trip Report, Peruvian Andes, 2018

Words by Abbey Smith, Images by Jeff Rueppel, Mick Follari, and Dawn Kish

The legendary peaks of Peru’s Cordillera Blanca are a slice of the best alpine climbing and some of the greatest undiscovered bouldering in the world. The Blanca is the stuff of dreams. To touch them is magic – a chance to feel the world as one might wish it to be. Join Zeal Ambassador Olivia Hsu, Abbey Smith, Pete Takeda, Jeff Rueppel, Mick Follari, and Dawn Kish as they journey up the deep valley of the Quebrada Ultar to explore and taste the potential of out-of-the-way corners of the Andes. Put on a VR headset and you’ll feel what it’s like to travel so far for something that might not exist; to gamble it all for the dream and the possibility of a whole world complete… 

The adventure began in Huaraz, a vibrant, idyllic mountain town catering to trekkers and climbers. Nestled at the feet of the Andes (10,000 feet) Huaraz is a living breathing showcase of Incan mountain culture. Mountain tourism is a major part of the local economy—a system threatened by shrinking ice caps and collapsing mountains. 

Meet the Beast, The Imaginary, Part 1: https://youtu.be/3UDEVnEMois 

In early July, Takeda and Follari checked out area the amazing untouched boulders in a pristine zone between up to 16,700 feet in elevation prior to the main group’s arrival. They also assayed an ideal basecamp and approaches to Huascaran (22,205 ft.), in the heart of the biggest tropical ice-covered mountain range in the world. 

What they didn't expect to find was a tremendous recession of the Schneider Glacier in recent decades. Towering moraines and vast fields of loose rubble complicated the already complex and strenuous terrain. A mere kilometer’s travel often took over an hour. 

No Guarantees, The Imaginary, Part 2: https://youtu.be/2RrEOAJwAJ0

In mid-July, the team, acclimatized in Huaraz and trekked from the trailhead, bound for basecamp at the 15,600 foot level, below Huascaran. Though some members suffered from colds and altitude sickness, they arrived in the proposed basecamp. They awaited hours for the arrival of the burros only to discover discovered that the animals had became lost and disoriented for below. 

The next day, the burros again turned back this time due to the untracked and rugged terrain. The team compromised by putting basecamp in a broad, bucolic alpine valley, cut by several streams and strewn with boulders. 

Big Mountain Bouldering, The Imaginary, Part 3: https://youtu.be/W3DuX8lWbDo 

For four weeks, the team lived, played and worked in elevations up to 19,000 feet. When you’re that high the solar radiation is intense! Eyewear choices were more than stylish – they were vital pieces of equipment. One lens covered travel, mountainous treks, rock climbing at extreme altitude and alpine climbing in the blinding glare of glaciers and 20,000-foot high peaks. 

Despite a five-day period of rain and snow, the team began developing the exceptional boulders in the area along with exploring the higher environs up to 16,500 feet. They accomplished several of the most aesthetic problems in their collective experience. 

Magnificent Yet Incomplete, The Imaginary, Part 4: https://youtu.be/zLiRuYrMOIo 

Takeda and Follari attempted a big new route on the rarely visited Southwest Face of Chopicalqui (20,846 feet). Only a handful of climbing expeditions have attempted this face. In a six-day round trip they experienced dangerous conditions, difficult avalanche-prone snow and a really nasty case on on-route diarrhea. They ran out of food—and clean underwear–forcing them down around four pitches from the summit ridge. 

A Curious and Unfinished Course, The Imaginary, Part 5: https://youtu.be/UD9Npcdtj88 

Our traditional climbing expedition evolved into an intense exploratory trip with some very significant climbing. Exploration is every bit about the unknown and unanticipated as it is about summits and successful sends! 

[sgmwesters]

━━ ✦ CLOSED EVENT STARTER                 ft. olivia hayes @seattlites​

The Harper Avery’s were always a good night for Millie. From her own win in the years prior, she’d made sure she secured her seat for every award ceremony that had followed. Being able to share it with her nearest and dearest now that the awards had made their way back to being hosted in Seattle? Well that was just the icing on the cake. Her hands reached for the two glasses of champagne that had appeared before her on the bar, passing one of them off to her best friend. “You know, this is one of my favorite nights of the year. I did my showing off, now I get to just sit back and watch everyone else do it without having to worry. Maybe I’ll go for a second award in a few years.” She teased with a laugh, lifting her glass to cheers the others.

[sevenmileshq]

Welcome, DENVER!! THEODOSIA MIKAELSON, DYLAN ROUSSEAU, and ROMEO have been accepted! ELIZABETH OLSEN, BRITT ROBERTSON, and ROBERT SHEEHAN are now TAKEN. Please send in your account within the next 24 hours and your intro within the next 72 hours prior to any IC interactions. Also follow our acceptance guide here! WELCOME TO THE KEY!

did THEODOSIA “THEO” MIKAELSON chase one of seven sins seven miles down the coast? originally from KEY WEST, the TWENTY-EIGHT YEAR OLD CIS-WOMAN is a BARTENDER and has lived in the key for TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS. SHE is suppose to call NEWTOWN APARTMENTS home, but there is always temptation lurking between the streets and the ocean that keeps HER from heading back. sinners and saints take many forms, but they look like ELIZABETH OLSEN and on their way to make decisions, good and bad, they always seem to sway to the beat of GOOD 4 U BY OLIVIA RODRIGO. (DENVER, HE/HIM, 21+, EST, N/A)

did DYLAN ROUSSEAU chase one of seven sins seven miles down the coast? originally from MIAMI, FL, the TWENTY-SIX YEAR OLD CIS-WOMAN is a SURF INSTRUCTOR/SURF SHOP EMPLOYEE and has lived in the key for SEVEN YEARS. SHE is suppose to call MIDTOWN home, but there is always temptation lurking between the streets and the ocean that keeps HER from heading back. sinners and saints take many forms, but they look like BRITT ROBERTSON and on their way to make decisions, good and bad, they always seem to sway to the beat of NO PROMISES BY CHEAT CODES FT. DEMI LOVATO. (DENVER, HE/HIM, 21+, EST, N/A)

did ROMEO KINGSTON chase one of seven sins seven miles down the coast? originally from KEY WEST, the TWENTY-EIGHT YEAR OLD DEMIBOY is a BARTENDER and has lived in the key for TWENTY EIGHT YEARS. HE is suppose to call NEWTOWN APARTMENTS home, but there is always temptation lurking between the streets and the ocean that keeps HIM from heading back. sinners and saints take many forms, but they look like ROBERT SHEEHAN and on their way to make decisions, good and bad, they always seem to sway to the beat of MASS ROMANTIC THE NEW PORNOGRAPHERS. (DENVER, HE/HIM, 21+, EST, N/A)

[rnrmarineservices-blog]

When skiffs get radical: the high performance new Superfoiler

The SuperFoiler is a brand new three-hulled foiler designed to bring the 18ft Skiff concept into the foiling era, Crosbie Lorimer finds out more

SuperFoiler training session at Woollhara Sailing Club in Rose Bay - 18/01/2018 ph. Andrea Francolini

The boundary between control and carnage aboard was thoroughly tested on the inaugural SuperFoiler Grand Prix season this spring with a multi-event circuit around Australia featuring these radical new designs.

For a sense of the insane levels of skill and speed of reactions needed to race the new designs, watch here:

In 2013, inspired by the spectacle of the America's Cup in San Francisco, the Australian father and son team of Bill and Jack Macartney made the bold decision to revisit the highly successful 18ft Skiff Grand Prix concept they'd masterminded in the 1990s, creating a new multi-venue event from scratch, boats and all.

“The extraordinary spectacle of those 72ft America's Cup catamarans suddenly rising up out of the water was like nothing I'd ever seen before. All of a sudden we saw there was a whole new dimension to it,” said Bill Macartney, “It was at that point that Jack and I said: 'Look, this is too good to not do something about'.”

SuperFoiler Grand Prix in Adelaide in February 2018, Photo Andrea Francolini/SuperFoiler

Thrills and spills

Twenty years of advances in digital and communications technology since the peak of the 18s circuit has also allowed the Macartneys to bring the onboard thrills and spills of sailing onto screens of all sizes. While the 18s were famously on prime time TV in Australia, for the SuperFoilers event coverage has moved up to a new level with fan zones, open boat parks, drone coverage, live feeds from crew on board, online live-streaming and free-to-air television all forming key elements of the event package.

The costs of designing and building the boats, then putting together such a national roadshow is significant: criss-crossing the continent with four shipping containers and a team of 62 personnel to set up for three days of sailing in five separate venues over seven weeks calls for high level investment and sponsorship; hence the international profile of the six current boat sponsors.

The Macartneys' design philosophy for the SuperFoiler embraced two core objectives: the boats would be designed from the foils up (rather than adding foils to an existing design) and, as importantly, they'd have three crew, all on trapeze, with an all-up weight of 240kg.

The latter objective sought to combine the physicality that was a hallmark of the 18-footer Grand Prix circuit with the challenge of controlling the rudder and daggerboard foils from the wire. There are no America's Cup-style sheltered cockpits and video game box controls for these crew!

The helmsperson can assess the degree of rake on the rudders by a 4:1 purchase string pot calibration on the stern of the centre hull. A similar system on the mast displays the rake of the daggerboard foils. Photo Crosbie Lorimer

The resulting craft has a lean, businesslike look that is less concerned with Concours d'Elegance pretensions than in packing in ingenious design that is both complex and simple enough to allow a 26ft, 370kg three-hulled craft to achieve steady, foiled flight in as little as 7 knots of true wind.

Working with the design team of Morelli & Melvin and the Australian builders Innovation Composites, the Macartneys also called on the experience of the world's best foiling sailors to create and evolve a SuperFoiler capable of 25-plus knots in upwind mode, and a blistering downwind performance that has seen speeds in the high 30s recorded at the early regattas.

All of the foils are directly controlled by electric actuators (there is no stored power nor any hydraulics on board). Rudder rake moves through 6 degrees and daggerboards through 9 degrees and neither rudders nor daggerboards can be canted. Note the emergency air bottle attached to the tiller stock. Photo Crosbie Lorimer

Although the computer design programs employed by Morelli & Melvin greatly condensed the foil, platform and rig design iteration process, evolution continued as the first boat was tested. Sail configurations and daggerboard cassettes particularly received attention to gain sufficient rigidity and power in the cassette to minimise foil flex and offer immediate control on foil rake when it's needed – all while minimising any extra weight. 

Sail evolution mostly centred on finding the optimal ratio of mainsail area to jib (each boat has a large and small jib option), resulting in an increase to the mainsail area, which is central to ride height and control, with reductions to the larger jib sizes which tended to lose flow at higher speeds.

Hull skin thickness as little as 2mm in places has also kept the shore team, led in its early phases by Softbank Team Japan's former shore manager, Tyson Lamond, busy with overnight repairs and tweaks to keep the six boats on the water for the three-day regattas.

Morelli and Melvin's sail design iterations included lowering the rig height to lower the Centre of Effort while 'endplating' the bottom of the sails to improve flow across the hulls and platform; a trend that reflects recent designs in Moths. Photo Andrea Francolini/SuperFoiler

The upturned J shaped, non-canting daggerboards offer steadier flight than the L shaped foils commonly seen in the America's Cup boats. Keeping a smooth trailing edge on the foils remains a major challenge given the manually operated lifting and lowering through the cassettes. Photo Crosbie Lorimer

Maintaining waterproofed circuitry on a boat that quite regularly capsizes and inverts – particularly as the crews learn to master the foil controls – has been an area of focus for the shore team and designers. Some smart and cost effective solutions, such as 3D printing of minor componentry, has all but eradicated post-capsize downtime and also permitted the team to modify the design on the run as they analyse previous component failures.

The six teams that race the SuperFoilers include crew from five countries (Australia, New Zealand, England, Scotland and the USA) and range from the 'dream team' of Nathan Outteridge, Glenn Ashby and Iain Jensen through to Olympic Silver medallist Olivia Price, who'd never sailed a foiling multihull prior to the lead-up for this event, but teamed up with 2012 Moth World Champion Josh McKnight. Luke Parkinson, skipper of tech2, took a break from two legs of the 2017/18 Volvo Ocean Race to take part in the SuperFoiler series.

Despite the calibre of sailors crewing on the SuperFoiler circuit, spectacular wipeouts, crashes and gear failure were a frequent occurence. Even the best were aware they were sailing on something of a knife-edge while they came to grips with their wild rides.

Outteridge commented: “If we hadn't sailed the America's Cup boats I would be petrified; you are just on the trapeze ready to get catapulted… it is a massive learning moment. This is the 18-footer on steroids!”

Listen to Outteridge here:

Daggerbord and rudder foils can be controlled from the tiller extension while on the trapeze. A single tap moves the foils in half degree increments. Holding down the buttons provides continuous foil movement, typically used to set foils to a neutral position going into gybes or tacks.

Specification

DesignerMorelli & Melvin

Builder Innovation Composites

LOA 7.97m 26ft 3in

Main hull length 7.9m 25ft 11in

Outrigger length 4.5m 14ft 9in

Beam 5.15m 16ft 11in

Draught (daggerboards down)

1.52m  5ft 0in

Displacement 370kg 816lb

Sail area (mainsail) 27.6/32.6m2 297/35 ft2

Sail area (headsail) 7.8/9.3m2 84/ 100 ft2

The post When skiffs get radical: the high performance new Superfoiler appeared first on Yachting World.

[cbdoilreviews-blog]

How to Win Big in the CBD Oil Industry

Given that nine states along with the District of Columbia have legalized recreational marijuana, and with all kinds of other states with various latitudes of accessibility, cannabis has gotten a whole whole lot more innovative. As well as the attractiveness enterprise isn't about to pass up out.

Cannabis-derived substances really feel trendy, and They could properly present you with a raft of attainable Gains, which elegance makes are speedy to tout. CBD oil, particularly, is nonpsychoactive (it gained’t get you higher) and is claimed to provide aid from soreness, stress and depression, promote urge for food and possess anti-inflammatory and anti-acne properties. Cannabis goods also nod to enthusiasms which have previously gained momentum in the magnificence market, like ingestibles (CBD-infused gummies, caramels and drops) and wellness (CBD lotions To ease soreness from new year workouts).

You can find previously devout admirers, some boldfaced, who will be drawn to CBD topical solutions mainly for his or her discomfort-relieving Homes. Olivia Wilde a short while ago instructed this reporter that she applied it To ease Actual physical aches throughout a Broadway operate. The style stylist Karla Welch, who is effective with Ms. Wilde, Ruth Negga, Katy Perry and Sarah Paulson, works by using Lord Jones CBD lotion on her clients’ ft when they walk the red carpet.

“It’s great for very long nights in large heels,” Ms. Welch reported. “All my women love it, and bottles live in my styling kit.”

Jessica Richards, the founding father of Shen Splendor in Brooklyn, is commonly a trendsetter in natural beauty retailing, and she begun carrying Lord Jones in December. “I do a great deal of SoulCycle that I have one hip that hurts,” she said. “I attempted out the CBD lotion. It’s not a placebo. It actually does perform for agony administration.”

Lord Jones, which happens to be located in Los Angeles, is not the only manufacturer to market a soreness-relieving CBD entire body lotion, however it is without doubt one of the chicest. Founded in CBD Oil 2016 by Robert Rosenheck, who may have a branding track record, and his wife, Cindy Capobianco, that has led general public relations for Banana Republic and promoting for Gap, it can be a pacesetter inside a movement for making cannabis more interesting into a mainstream audience. The packaging, which has a baronial crest and gold accents, would search at your house inside a stylish Section retailer. That celebs make use of the solutions adds additional cachet.

“The nearer we get to de-stigmatizing cannabis, the higher it is for all,” Ms. Capobianco reported.

That sentiment is shared by upstarts together with Cannuka, a line of topical goods containing CBD and manuka honey; Khus Khus, a pores and skin- and physique-care line via the ayurvedic professional Kristi Blustein; and Vertly, a line of lip balm by Claudia Mata, a previous W magazine equipment editor, and that is introducing human body care this calendar year. And wonder lines, which includes Malin Goetz and Boy Smells, make reference to cannabis of their products purely with the scent.

For instance, Boy Smells provides a cannabis-scented candle identified as Kush. “We’re knowledgeable that getting a cannabis candle is a little bit provocative, but I personally enjoy the flavor and smell of cannabis,” claimed Matthew Herman, a founder, who Earlier labored for the fashion labels Giles Deacon, Proenza Schouler and Zac Posen. “It's got a moist earth scent that is rather appealing.”

Mr. Herman also pointed out the cannabis business is undergoing a makeover. “Loads of my close friends are actually obtaining their goods from a lot more ‘luxurious’ cannabis suppliers who will be specializing in packaging and branding,” he reported. “It’s not like pot is new, but for a long time you needed to visit a head store and purchase a tacky pipe. It was constantly a little gnarly. Now it’s fun to find out fashionable, minimal, elevated layouts.”

But appears are one thing, efficacy is another. As CBD oil seeks to go mainstream, it’s challenging to inform which merchandise hold up to scrutiny. “I get sent a million distinct models stating they've got CBD, plus the stuff doesn’t function,” Ms. Richards claimed.

That’s simply because You can find confusion from the Market, mentioned Verena von Pfetten, a onetime Lucky electronic editor and also a founding father of Gossamer, a publication dedicated to the chic side of cannabis culture. “The cannabis plant is complex with lots of compounds,” Ms. von Pfetten explained. “CBD is one of these, and THC is one of them.”

There are actually studies, she stated, showing that for discomfort reduction, CBD will work ideal inside the plant’s cannabinoid technique, that means that combinations of compounds are simpler than isolated types. That’s termed the “entourage outcome,” and Lord Jones, for a single, has sought to compensate for it by using CBD rendered from the entire hemp plant.

“We’ve identified CBD isolate, or crystals of pure CBD, to not get the job done,” Ms. Capobianco stated.

Talking of hemp, there’s discussion there, much too. Hemp can be a type of cannabis that has experienced the THC largely bred outside of it. It’s lawful throughout condition lines, so only CBD derived from hemp can be dispersed nationally. There is a whole lot less CBD and various cannabinoids in hemp than in cannabis strains that comprise THC.

“The fact is that the levels of Energetic ingredient in hemp are so very low that, even though CBD surely features Gains, there might not be a wake-up-and-come to feel-it moment,” Ms. von Pfetten claimed.

None of that is certainly stopping businesses from increasing over and above wellness into pores and skin treatment. Lord Jones is introducing a facial area treatment line determined by CBD early this 12 months. Ildi Pekar, a facialist in Manhattan who may have tended to Miranda Kerr and Irina Shayk, stated that gross sales of her CBD facial oil are up and she or he designs on investing a lot more within the ingredient, which she phone calls “the argan oil of the long run.” The two cite reviews that say CBD has anti-inflammatory characteristics when applied topically.

But Shereene Idriss, a dermatologist in Manhattan, mentioned that All those papers are vague. “There was a single study in 2014 Having said that CBD can help minimize oil creation and therefore have anti-acne and anti-inflammatory attributes,” Dr. Idriss reported. “It wasn’t a perfectly properly-rounded research, but it does have advantage.” The opposite analyze, from 2017, dealt with cannabinoids in dermatology on the whole, which includes THC, but didn’t handle threats.

“I would wish far more, a randomized scientific trial, prior to I could with total-fledged belief recommend CBD oil as a little something a lot more than just featuring standard hydration,” she explained.

In case you’re applying CBD lotions for soreness reduction, Dr. Idriss reported, you'll find superior studies demonstrating efficacy but that much more should be carried out.

“CBD lotion that also has THC in it, it’s likely to assist you way more with soreness relief,” she explained. “But the ones from hemp, are they likely to assist as much? It’s tough to convey to for the reason that we don’t have the data and studies. Also, the trouble is you often don’t know exactly how much you happen to be receiving — it’s entirely unregulated.”